nicky: has anyone ever told you they loved you?
neil: does my dad count?
nicky: sure
neil: no
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@puffshale
hi i wanted to let you know that @lumiess apologizes for possibly spamming your dashboard with shitposting thanks love oyu
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alex: i'm paying for the person behind me, can you tell them that i think they are hot?
fast food worker: okay?
henry: *drives up to the window*
fast food worker: your food was paid for by the guy ahead of you. he thinks that you're hot
henry: *rolls his eyes and smiles* he's my husband
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bee: you have PTSD
andrew: yeah i have PTSD: Proficient Talent For Sucking Dick
bee: maybe we can talk about your use of humor as an unhealthy coping mechanism for the trauma you've experienced
andrew: bee, i don't think you understand how clever that joke was
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alex claremont-diaz, first son of the united states literally vandalised a sign. hes the only bitch i respect.
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renee after someone asks her for the nth time when her and andrew will start dating:
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history teacher: [mentions victoria & albert museum]
my brain: henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henry and alex henr-
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