#all my mom ever does is make me feel like shit | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

x-liv25-jamieswife · 3 days

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sad avery head canons

@ariscats requested this in a comment under my sad grayson hcs, and i'm more than happy to do it for my fav girl avery. trigger warning for self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault. pls don't read if this might trigger you, and if you ever need help, there are helplines you can contact for free. family and friends are obviously also an option (if you'd rather talk to a stranger, you can always dm me (or whoever you feel comfortable with) <3). sorry if some of this doesn't make sense. i wrote this at 1 am. hope you enjoy<3.

avery used to pull out a guitar (cause i hc she can play the guitar) and sing songs for her mom when she was on her death bed

she now visits her mom's grave and does the same thing. she sings her mom's favorite songs on the verge of tears (if she isn't already crying).

avery used to wear an elastic band around her wrist and would snap it repeatedly until her wrist became sore and red (it didn't always make her stop though) when she was feeling overwhelmed or did smth she deemed wrong.

whenever avery would drive across bridges or anything really high up, she would think about jumping off of it.

she used to get her mom or libby to help her bake cookies that she would bring to school to try to get people to become her friend (it never worked)

she used to eat lunch in the back of the courtyard in a secluded place most of the time bc no one wanted to eat with her (until she met max obviously)

i'm currently rereading tig and i can't help but notice how uncomfortable she becomes when someone touches her so i hc drake or some other random creep sexually assaulted her once (or multiple times) and that's the reason why she seems so uncomfortable with physical touch.

she used to cry in her mom's arms wondering why she wasn't good enough for people to want to be her friend

when her and libby were struggling to get by and couldn't afford food, she would save the food for libby and not eat (she would tell her she ate at the diner she worked at but didn't)

when she realized, at the age of six, that her father was a piece of shit who didn't actually want her, she started trying to find faults in her to explain why this might be (she thought that if she could 'fix' herself, her father might want her)

she sometimes purposely gives herself papercuts when she feels really numb just to make herself feel something

when she would live in her car, she would sometimes continuously bash her head on the steering wheel wishing her life could be different.

when she was younger, to get people to like her, she would give them everything she had. she would do their homework for them, would cover for them when they wanted to cause trouble in the school, etc, but, in the end, it was always temporary

whenever she comes across someone who looks like sheffield grayson she freezes up in fear/shock. a little voice in her head tells her she's in danger and they'll hurt her.

after all of the almost-death experiences she's been through, she developed a panic disorder (this is already sort of confirmed) that she has to treat with pills.

she sometimes takes the haters' comments to heart (the comments about her weight, etc). she would start telling herself that skipping one meal wouldn't hurt. jameson noticed really early on though and stopped her before it became too severe.

she's convinced people would be better off without her and that she only causes pain and destruction everywhere she goes (bc of what happened with toby)

she actually hates getting drunk because it reminds her too much of her father. jameson started to notice that she would get really uncomfortable whenever he got drunk so he started to drink less. when he did drink though, he made sure it wasn't enough to get drunk.

because of everyone comparing her to emily, she's convinced herself that she's just jamie's second option and she'll never measure up (personality wise, looks wise, everything). jamie and her talked about it a lot and she's now less insecure.

she gets terrified when she hears noises at night bc she's convinces someone's there to hurt her

she forgives people so easily bc she desperately wants people to actually like her.

in the books she says she doesn't allow herself to want to want things bc it could potentially distract her/hurt her. i also think she doesn't allow herself to want things bc she doesn't think she deserves to want anything.

when she's in a stressful situation or she's having a panic attack, she'll start scratching her arms really roughly until they start to bleed to get herself to focus on anything other than the stress/panic.

the scratches on her arms became too obvious so she started scratching her sides instead.

she can't watch any tv shows with violence/war bc the loud sounds remind her too much of the shooting.

one of the reasons why she realized her father was a piece of shit was bc, once, he got way too drunk and slapped her. that was sort of like the catalyst for her.

bc she grew up so isolated, she's afraid of emotional and physical intimacy. she's afraid she'll start liking feeling loved/close to someone too much since she believes it'll never last (jamie showed her she was wrong)

i'm an averyjameson stan so don't take this the wrong way but avery was affected by jamie thinking of her as only a game way more than she lets on. even after they got together, she was paranoid that he had ulterior motives.

she blames herself whenever something goes wrong in the foundation or hawthorne house even when she had nothing to do with the problem.

she's extremely paranoid when it comes to locking her bedroom door and stuff like that bc of how often her privacy is invaded.

i said this in another post but, especially before she inherited the money, she would sometimes smoke weed to lessen the stress she felt for a little while.

she hates going to sleep bc her sleep is always invaded by horrendous nightmares. it became so bad she ended up in the hospital (jamie was absolutely terrified and made her promise to talk to him more).

she has this one stuffed animal that her mom gave her not long before she passed that she cries into whenever she feels like her life is going to shit.

before she inherited the money, she was actually near her breaking point. she was seriously considering if staying alive was actually worth it.

before she inherited the money, she used to count on her fingers how many people would miss her when she died to convince herself to stay alive (the number was never more than three). the fact that the number was so low made her feel even shittier and made her spiral.

her grief for her mom is so intense sometimes she can't get out of bed. she doesn't eat, sleep, drink water, etc. alisa had to contact a therapist/psychiatrist to help avery get out of bed.

to end on a brighter note, here's a happy avery head canon:

she used to dance all the time when she was younger. she would pull out her mom's phone, start playing some music, and jump around waving her tiny little arms everywhere whilst singing along. she would pretend she was a popstar. her mom would film her and send the videos to libby. the brothers have seen all of them bc libby showed them.

not proof read so i apologize for any spelling mistakes<3. again, pls contact someone/helpline if you ever need help. speaking from experience, things tend to get better. sending everyone lots of love (and my girl avery).

#the inheritance games #jameson hawthorne #grayson hawthorne #avery grambs #xander hawthorne #nash hawthorne #libby grambs

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junggunz · 1 day

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♡⸝⸝ nsfw alphabet: wooin yoo

cw: fembodied reader. wooin is toxic. duh. typical thirsty rambles. an: what can i say- im a WHORE for sabbath crew. @ayylovley as promised, here is our community pp.

wooin's overall vibe while doing the deed: gfg by miguel // i like the way you kiss me by artemis

A - Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

After rearranging your guts, Wooin is the type to ask you to get him water. He’s so sassy, saying shit like “I worked hard to make you cum that many times. All I’m asking for is some water.” Whether or not he wants cuddles afterwards is gonna depend on things like how he’s feeling, how much he likes you, or if he has time to laze around. In the event that he does want them, he’s not gonna ask you to cuddle; he will demand them. You wanna go to clean up or use the bathroom after? Too bad, Wooin thinks you should cuddle him while he’s feeling affectionate.

B - Body Part (their favorite body part on themselves and their favorite body part on their partner)

On himself, highkey I think Wooin is really into his tongue. Like, why else would it always be out? He knows it’s a killer.

On his partner…I’m not saying Wooin has a foot fetish, but he does give me the vibe that he would criticize you if you didn’t have good looking feet LMFAO.

C - Cum (anything related to 💦💦💦)

Wooin likes to get real nasty with it. He loves cumming on you and in you equally. Gives me the impression that if he’s in a committed relationship with you, he would go as far to slurp his cum out of you just so he could spit it into your mouth.

D - Dirty Secret

Would there even be any secrets with Wooin- he seems like he would be a very forthcoming person when it comes to sex for the most part in my opinion. Any ‘secrets’ he might have he would be the type to bring them up as jokes or like to allude to them in another way.

If he were to have a secret, I think it’d be something out of pocket like doing some blasphemous roleplay where you dress as a nun. This wouldn’t necessarily be a secret…but Wooin def seems like the type to be a bratty sub if you ever decide to dom him.

E - Experience (how experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Wooin is a slut. He knows exactly what he’s doing. Argue with your mom bout it.

F - Favorite Position

Doggy. From the back. With his foot on your face. Also, butter churner if you’re flexible enough.

G - Goofy (are they more serious or playful in the moment?)

Wooin is a good mix of serious and playful during sex. He’s definitely a teasing little shit so his playfulness can easily come across as mean.

H - Hair (how well groomed they are)

Seeing how well he maintains his haircut (he’s def a slut who gets fresh cuts every week or every other week) Wooin probably partakes in a bit of manscaping. Once again, if he doesn’t keep it trimmed, you’re not gonna be able to see how much he’s packing- he gives me the impression that he might be totally smooth down there when he feels like it.

I - Intimacy (how romantic are they in the moment?)

It’s so rare to get Wooin to be romantic. He seems like the type to never really be romantic until you’ve been seeing him for a faaat minute. He’s actually so toxic- if you even give him just the impression that you’re thinking of seeing someone else, he’d probably put in more effort into showing you how much you actually mean to him.

J - Jack Off (how frequently do they masturbate?)

Not that often. Maybe every now and then if he wakes up really horny or can’t sleep. But Wooin definitely feels like masturbation is beneath him. Why settle for using his hand when he can use your throat?

K - Kink

Like mentioned in ‘I’ you are not getting romantic sex from Wooin. He’s giving you that rough, degrading sex that almost makes you regret hooking up with him because you have no idea if he’ll call again, but at the same time…it felt really good. That being said…Wooin’s major kinks are gonna be degrading, dirty talking, spanking, and a bit of breathplay.

Diving a little more into things, he’s also into:

Filming - so you can have a nice little souvenir of your time with him. Because he’s evil, he may or may not keep a copy of the video to show to his buddies.

Phone sex - especially when you don’t initially know that he’s getting off to the sound of you talking.

Cockworship - no comment.

He’s also the type to spit in your mouth. The more often he does it, the more he likes you.

Wooin definitely has a bunch of other kinks that I will leave up in the air, but those are just the main things I think of when it comes to him. Most important takeaway is that he likes his sex sloppy and exhilarating.

L - Location (favorite places to do the deed)

Anywhere and everywhere ??? This man has no shame.

M - Motivation (what turns them on and gets them going)

Wooin gets the most turned on when sex feels like a conquest or challenge. There are two types of people that I imagine him gravitating toward; someone who is hard to get and expresses initial disinterest in him OR someone who is a bit hesitant/shy when he puts the moves on them. He is a strategist and sees sex as a mental game before it becomes physical.

In a scenario where the two of you are already dating/acquainted with one another, Wooin would still like it when you play hard to get and initially ‘reject’ his advances so he could seduce you. But on the flip side, I think he would also like it if you came across as needy for him because who doesn’t enjoy the ego boost of knowing someone wants them real bad.

N - NO (what turns them off or something they’re strongly against)

Wooin seems very adventurous in the bedroom so I can’t think of too many of the common kinks he wouldn’t at least try once. One thing Wooin probably wouldn’t be too keen on trying is him being gagged. He has a filthy mouth and he’s the type to know exactly what to say to get you going; not being able to speak would frustrate him to no end.

O - Oral (preference for giving or receiving, skill level)

Whether Wooin prefers to receive or give head will probably depend on his relationship with whoever he’s fucking tbh. He already knows that his tongue is magic and he can do all sorts of neat tricks with it so when he’s on the giving end, he sees it as something you have to work for and prove that you deserve.

P - Pace

Wooin is the type to keep you on your toes. His pace switches up pretty often. A lot of guys do that thing where they slow down when they don’t wanna cum too quickly but I don’t think Wooin would be one. It’s more likely for him to slow down when he knows you’re about to finish because he likes teasing you and then his pace will pick up when he’s getting close.

Q - Quickie (opinions on them/how often)

He’s a big fan of quickies. Probably gets into them often because he’s a SLUT. Even in a serious relationship, quickies are still gonna be frequent.

R - Risk (do they like to experiment or take risks?)

Duh. Do I seriously need to say anything else.

S - Stamina (how long do they last? How many rounds would they like to go for?)

In my Lookism NSFW Alphabets, I mention how almost all the characters are gonna have insane amounts of stamina. Same thing is gonna go for the Windbreaker characters tbh. Like, c’mon. Windbreaker is all about cyclists. OF COURSE EVERYONE IS GONNA HAVE MORE STAMINA THAN THE AVERAGE PERSON.

With Wooin…I honestly haven’t decided if he would be the type to use sex as a means of improving his athletic performance or if he would work on his athletic performance so he could last longer in bed. But like either way, he’s taking you to Pound Town and then back several times.

T - Toy (how do they feel about using them?)

Wooin definitely dabbles in some toy usage when the mood strikes. While dating, he’s the type to make you wear one of those remote control vibrators in public when the two of you go on any sort of outing.

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Wooin is actually so unfair it’s ridiculous. He loves edging and orgasm denial. He has some selfish tendencies so he’s one of the characters that I can imagine not caring if his partner cums or not. What matters more to him if he’s able to leave you craving more of him.

V - Volume (how loud they are and what sounds do they make?)

Already mentioned that Wooin is into dirty talk so it should be no surprise that he’s gonna be vocal. He makes all sorts of moans, groans and grunts. He might even whimper a bit when he’s feeling really good.

W - Wild Card

Wooin is the wild card if we’re being honest. If him getting territorial over you when the two of you are in the situationship phase wasn’t enough of a wild card… Wooin’s ‘secret quirk’ would be him being into you marking him and getting possessive when it comes to him.

X - X-Ray (what’s in those pants?)

Being one of the ‘shorter’ Windbreaker characters (but he’s still tall to me tbh) his pp is gonna be proportional to his height and average length. Leans toward the thick side though. Has a nice curve to it. PROBABLY HAS HIS DICK PIERCED TBHHHHH.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Wooin’s sex drive definitely fluctuates. I can’t imagine him being a horndog 24/7 even while dating because he gives me ‘money over bitches’ vibes as proven by the playlist i made for him lol. His sex drive does seem to increase whenever he’s bored or craving physical intimacy.

Z ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 - (how quickly they fall asleep after.)

Wooin would only fall asleep after sex if he was super comfortable with you. Definitely the type to send his one night stands home before he goes to bed. But like even if he were comfortable enough to sleep in your presence, he’d probably be on his phone for a bit before actually going to bed.

bonus!

“It's funny,” Wooin starts off, a smug grin tugging at his lips as he looks at you. “You always say that you're over me but here you are; under me once again.”

You shiver as his fingers spider along your cheek and jawline, his thumb grazes your lips oh so gently before it catches the corner of your mouth and pries it open. It’s almost an instinctive response at this point for you to let your jaw go slack, sticking your tongue out so Wooin can let a fat glob of his spit land on the waiting muscle. He never has to ask because you just take it; willingly at that. Perhaps it’s because you like the way his saliva looks as it drips past the shiny jewelry in his tongue before it cascades down the serpentine appendage. Or possibly, between doing the Devil’s Tango with him and bickering with him because he did so many things outside of the bedroom to get under your skin, you developed a little crush on him.

Maybe just maybe, the old wives tale about letting someone spit in your mouth was witchcraft and a surefire way to become obsessed with them was true. No matter how many times you threatened to cut him off because you were tired of going in circles with him, you couldn’t resist picking up whenever he called. It was a bit pathetic to think about.

But thinking is unnecessary while you eagerly take Wooin’s spit in your mouth and swallow it down like it was the only way to hydrate yourself.

“Don’t start getting sassy with me…You’re gonna kill the mood.” You mutter, finally able to string together a response to his initial cheeky remark.

“It’s true though.” He laughs, getting you out of your clothes by tugging on the garments to silently command you to start stripping for him. “You keep trying to run away from me like I don’t already have you wrapped around my finger.”

By the time Wooin gets out of his own clothes, you prove his point by letting him maneuver your body into one of his favorite positions. Back in the perfect arch so your ass is up and ready for the taking, he doesn’t even need to prep you. From just a little bit of kissing and groping you when he first showed up at your doorstep was enough to get you like a fountain.

“Besides, why would you want to call it quits when your pussy gets this wet for me?” Wooin comments, tauntingly rubbing his shaft through your slick folds and making it a point to rub the leaking tip against your swollen pearl.

Aligning himself up to your hole then starting to slowly sink into you, inch by inch. You pant at the intrusion, clutching onto the sheets, feeling his hefty base slap against you when he bottoms out. Head empty and tight cunt full of him is exactly how Wooin likes you. He wouldn’t deny that he does like a few other things about you— some physical and some about your personality— but in this state, you’re more susceptible to this charm so of course this is favorite way to have you. You’d do anything he’d ask if it meant he’d make you cum.

As he remains motionless within your walls, you start to grow antsy; unable to stop yourself from rocking your hips back and forth just so you could feel his cock giving you the friction you craved. It was a fifty-fifty toss up of whether Wooin would let you continue like this or punish you; but those were odds you were willing to work with.

Luckily, Wooin was in a good mood today.

“That’s right, baby, there you go— feel how hard it makes me when you slut yourself out for me?” His praise is so dirty, it’s hard to believe that it’s not an insult. But with how tight your insides squeeze him, you can feel him throb inside you. Every twitch, every pulse. He’s all lubed up from your pussy and it allows you to move faster.

“Pretty little cunt just can't get enough of my cock.” Wooin muses, his tongue wetting his parched lips as his gaze remains fixed on your body beneath his.

The tantalizing sight of your hips undulating and your ass bouncing off his pelvis as you take him deep has Wooin stuck. He could honestly die happy if this was the last thing he saw. It’s kind of ironic to Wooin— how he insisted on only hitting it from the back so neither of you would catch feelings— yet here he is, convinced that he’s in love with watching your ass move and seeing how your hungry pussy takes his dick oh so well.

Maybe over time, he’d come around to settling down with you. Taking life more seriously. Knocking you up with a kid or two. For now though, he was just going to enjoy fucking the absolute lights out of you until he had no doubts about you ever ghosting him.

#windbreaker x reader #windbreaker smut #windbreaker headcanons #windbreaker scenarios #wooin yu scenarios #wooin smut #wooin x reader #junggunz.txt

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sadie-bug345 · 23 hours

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gangs favorite classes🫶🥰🫡☝️🤓

i keep taking breaks from tumblr but i’m really tryna get back in the swing of things🙏

ponyboy:

ahhhh i haven’t reread the book in a while but he probably mentions classes he likes or he doesn’t like

ik he has like a D in his creative writing class or smth but that’s cause he don’t like the restrictions that come with writing for an assignment

in reality i feel like he is an english guy overall

also gives history ngl

more social studies classes

8/10 hes real for that

johnny:

elective guy thru and thru

like photography, art, ceramics, graphic design, etc

he might be amazing at these artsy classes

and that’s why he likes them OR

he just loves the chill classroom vibe yk

also he likes the kids in there too

i feel like johnny gets so annoyed with louder socs who mess around in the classes he likes

cause my guy is actually respectful🫶🙏

10/10 so valid honestly, like photo is fr my favorite class and i feel like johnny would totally fw that

sodapop:

language classes

like spanish, french, german, whatever floats your boat

i think he likes the funny atmosphere of everyone kinda messing up whenever they’re put on the spot to speak in class

just cause no one really cares

ALSO DESTROYS during presentations btw

like either he’s genuinely good

or he just keeps messing up and giggles abt it so much that the teacher starts yelling at him abt it

genuinely has a dgaf mindset to school in general which is very admirable

6/10 i hate my spanish 2 class but its ok😭🙏

darry:

sports med / sports weights

OR anatomy

like he just enjoys sports so anything that relates to that he finds really interesting

he likes the helping people aspect of sports med

and i’m in sports med as well which is actually so fun ngl

he eats with that

always crushes tests

i think he really studies for tests and actually tries

which allows him to get good grades🤓☝️

but he couldn’t care less abt classes he doesn’t like

7/10 valid

dally:

pretends to not give a shit but we know he does when it comes to the gang

bc of this, his fave classes are whatever he has the most friends in

other than that he thinks all classes are terrible and they all feel like years

math guy when he actually understands the concept

but the second things get hard he just gives up

“who needs these hyperbolas anyways man🙄”

lives for lunch and after school cause he just walks around and talks

or fights with other kids but we don’t talk abt that

6/10 im the same way abt math

two-bit:

any class where he can mess with the teacher

like either the teacher is chill and jokes around with him

OR the teacher actually sucks and two just makes them even more mad

lives for class laughter

like soda he enjoys more participation based classes, less the actual content

somehow he always gets sat in the desk right next to the teachers desk so they can keep an eye on him

barely ever gets to sit next to his friends for obvious reasons LMAO

7/10 also valid

steve:

obviously auto mechanic if the school offers it

otherwise he gives a science kid

like biology, physics, anatomy, stuff like that

his brain is just the type to get it

so those classes are barely hard for him

which is SO LUCKY

he the type to just go off about some technical concept the class is going over and explain it perfectly to his friend who needs help and then make a your mom joke the next minute

5/10 i hate physics and i hate how he’d be better at it than me

ANYWAYS REQUEST STUFF PLS🫶😋‼️

(btw i’m going thru requests rn so dw!!)

#the outsiders #dallas winston #ponyboy curtis #johnny cade #the outsiders sodapop #darry curtis #steve randle #two bit mathews #sodapop curtis

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possamble · 8 days

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What are your headcanons about Marcille's mom if you have any? It's interesting that what drew Donato to her was cause she lived the history he studied, or that was said somewhere at least. She must've had an interesting life.

so this was going to be just a normal answer but then I realized I have a Lot of Things To Say. so here goes, a compilation of what we know for a fact from the canon, what I've extrapolated from the visual cues and details, and my theories based on all of that.

Things we know for a fact about Marcille's mother because they were explicitly stated in the manga and supplemental materials:

She was a court mage for a Tall-man kingdom at the southern part of the Northern Continent

Donato, a court historian, fell in love with her because she had lived through the history he was studying, and he courted her for 17 years (age 15 to 32) before getting married

She was a cheerful person who rarely showed extreme emotion and took things as they came

She always cooked a huge meal for Marcille on her birthdays

She remarried a gnome after Donato's death and a short distance away from Marcille's childhood home

Pipi, Marcille's pet bird, was actually older than Marcille and originally belonged to her mother (bird died at 62)

She was extremely heartbroken when Donato died and ultimately ended up instilling a deep fear of mortality in Marcille with her words

the only time she showed extreme emotion in front of her family was when Donato could no longer eat his favourite dish near the end of his life.

She scolded Marcille for being cruel to ants (implying she can have a stern side when needed)

Things that are explicitly shown but mostly through visual cues

She has a very distinctive style of dress always involving a ribbon choker (mirroring Marcille's habit of always wearing a matching choker with any of her outfits that don't cover her neck)

She was almost stereotypically good at housekeeping and traditionally "wifely" things (very frequently depicted wearing an apron or doing some domestic chore when not at work, seems to have been an avid cook).

She knits? (also, note the affectionate smile as she's looking at Donato and Marcille reading a book together in the full panel)

She was as excited for Marcille's milestones as Donato was.

She didn't tell Marcille much about elven food

(there are a couple things that this panel in particular implies:

She lived a good deal of her life (if not being born and raised) in a mainly elven country in the West, implied by her knowing enough of an elven region's cuisine to prefer Tall-man food over it

seems to have a pretty carefree and casual demeanour overall, if this is how she replied to Marcille asking her about it (sounds like she never gave her culinary preferences that much thought to begin with)

slightly related to number 2, it seems like she and Marcille had a fairly casual parent-child dynamic (especially in comparison to the Toudens' memory of their father)

(local elf tastes Italian food once and never goes back))

However, she seems a lot more... serious in most of the other times we see her? Almost like the very stereotypical archetype of a graceful elf.

Subsequent conclusions about her personality:

Usually pretty carefree and cheerful at home, has been a loving and attentive parent throughout Marcille's childhood (while not being so doting that she didn't discipline Marcille).

Slightly more conjectural theories on her personality:

Had a much more graceful and professional personality at work, which would explain the more serious portraits we see of her.

Given that both she and Donato had positions at the royal court, it seems a little odd that she'd go out of her way to do all the housework herself, so maybe she just enjoyed doing it?

Now taping all the evidence together and toeing the line between analysis and fanfiction:

It's clear that she loved Donato very much and was utterly devastated by losing him. But there's one thing that really stuck out to me in what little we see of her:

Doesn't she seem... angry? The way she's gritting her teeth, clutching the tablecloth, and how this is the first and only time we see her eyes opened that wide. In the following panel, you see her being quiet and dejected after her initial outburst. She's still crying very intensely, but her brows are furrowed, and she's not really responding to Donato's affection in her body language.

We're not told the details of how she felt about losing Donato other than that it upset her. But this, to me, implies that she was angry and resented that he was aging, that the end of his life was approaching. An "it's not fair" type of preemptive grief. And if this was the first and last time she cried like this in front of her family, she was either very good at coping in private... or very bad at letting herself feel unpleasant emotions until they become unavoidable and end up overwhelming her.

It's not too remarkable a detail on the surface. It's even reminiscent of what the audience has seen of Marcille. But... when it comes to the big picture, you'd think an elf who voluntarily chose to marry a tall-man and have a half-elf child would have been better prepared for this.

It kind of recontextualizes her cheerfulness to me.

"I'm sure everything's gonna be okay!" (or some variation thereof, depending on what translation you have).

And this is stated to contrast her extreme grief when finally confronting Donato's failing body and eventual death. But I'm wondering if... maybe this optimism was why she was so upset. What if she went into all of it thinking "everything's gonna be okay"? What if she was a little young by elven standards, and just followed her heart thinking that her own resilience would get her through anything?

Of course, only to get completely overwhelmed when she actually loses Donato. She turns into a completely different person. And that's heartbreaking on its own-- but what the audience sees is the effect it had on Marcille. Can you imagine being her, watching your invincible and upbeat mother suddenly lose all the light in her eyes in one go?

I've already made a huge post about how I think Marcille models her "work persona" off her mother, but another thing that stuck with me as I was looking for more details in the manga was this:

copy pasting from the other post i made about it lmao it's like... the second she resigns herself to lifelong pain and terror, there's another portrait of her mother facing her like this. with their heads bowed, in mirrored body language of resignation and despair and sorrow. Except it's posed like Marcille is still looking at her mother but her mother is looking away.

It took me a second to realize, but I think that it's a visual metaphor for the fact that Marcille's mother was the only long-lived role model she had-- and she failed to model healthy grief for her daughter. I don't say this as an accusation or to disparage her as a character, but just as a matter of fact. In her, Marcille was seeing herself older and losing a short-lived spouse or loved one of her own, and all she saw was hopelessness.

But her mother didn't mean to instill hopelessness and terror in her. She wasn't really thinking of how it would truly affect Marcille at all (at least, that's how I'm interpreting her looking down and away from Marcille in the metaphor), she was just sad. And she, in her own way, was trying to protect her daughter and help her prepare for future losses.

What she meant was "loss is inevitable, and you have to learn how to be in pain but live on anyway." What Marcille heard was "loss is inevitable, and you will be scared and hurt for the rest of your life."

Again. Marcille's mother doesn't feature explicitly in the story the way her father does -- but in so many ways, her shadow, her silhouette, her reflection is always hanging over Marcille.

All that to say... headcanon-wise (everything from here on is 100% without evidence lmao), I'd like to think that she matured and realized that she failed Marcille. I imagine her being regretful about it, wanting a chance to fix it but never finding a way to insert herself back into Marcille's life when Marcille is so so so busy becoming the most accomplished mage possible. I imagine her being herself again, now, so many years after her loss and after remarrying -- but with her cheerfulness tempered with a lot more wisdom and the pain of having gone through loss like that. I think the second Marcille actually tells her what happened in the dungeon, she'd want to go running to her daughter again -- if Marcille tells her the full truth instead of just being embarrassed she let things get that far. (oh, the tragedy of her wanting to be more like her mother and an accomplished adult who doesn't need to be babied... being embarrassed to actually tell her mother how much she fucked up...)

There's also the tension of her having remarried -- I know that there's at least a little bit of resentment that Marcille harbours about that, because she's childish like that at heart even if she makes an effort not to externalize it. I think that her mother would be aware of that, potentially adding to her sense of guilt and apprehension at trying to reappear/intrude on Marcille's life. I honestly don't think Marcille has met her stepfather -- or even considers him a stepfather rather than "mama's new husband" and kind of a total stranger. I think she and her mother actively don't talk about it in their correspondence, like an elephant in the room.

but, ultimately, I think her mother is on her side no matter what. Ancient magic? Dark necromancy? Sure, she'll feel guilty and like she was partially responsible for setting Marcille down such a painful path, but she wouldn't care. that's her daughter!! she would've moved back west and been petitioning for her at the court, buying a house right next to the Canaries barracks and visiting her every day that she wasn't on a mission. And if her husband had opinions on Marcille becoming a "dark arts user," he either gets over it or it's divorce with him. Yes, she might have had her optimism completely humbled by losing Donato like that -- but she's still headstrong and self-assured and she doesn't care what people think of her. It's her way or the highway and she's always going to be in Marcille's corner.

(She also needs a name lol. I went with Juno, just to be cute about "Marcille"s closest real life equivalent being Marcella, which is the female version of Marcellus, which in turn is a diminutive of Marcus, which was derived from Mars. Absolutely in love with Marcille potentially being named after Ares/Mars the fucking god of war btw)

#asks #she could easily be interpreted as distant or neglectful after Donato's death too #with how little involvement she has in Marcille's life/the fact that Marcille doesn't even mention her when talking about her life prospect #and that's fair! I will argue to hell and back that she was a loving parent when Donato was alive #but there's nothing that suggests she remained a loving parent afterwards #I just think that like... parental relationships are so complicated in dungeon meshi #you cannot deny that the toudens' mother loved them dearly but that she failed them both miserably as a parent #and i think it'd be more compelling if Marcille's mother was a little like that too #not a totally and easily dismissable deadbeat #but someone who truly loves her daughter but was only human herself and couldn't be what Marcille needed at a crucial moment #and regrets it deeply #and that the distance between them is mutually self-imposed by complicated feelings of guilt and fear #and a little resentment from Marcille's side that she hasn't really properly processed #I don't know if I'll ever get around to writing it but i had this idea where Marcille does finally spill the beans to her mom and she just #immediately arrives in Melini #and its awkward for a bit but they do finally have a heart to heart and air it all out #and marcille starts freaking out that her marriage is rocky rn bc her new husband wants her to distance herself from marcille #on account of the crimes and all #marcille's like no you can't blow up your marriage for me and her mother just shuts that shit down #'you didn't choose to be born. i was the one who made that choice for you'#'i brought you into this world and i'll be damned if i don't take responsibility for that the entire way'#'you are entitled to *nothing less* than my unconditional love.'#and obviously that's not a sentiment that's exactly healthy as a universal statement about parenthood #but i think its what her mother would believe and what marcille needs to hear #and dungeon meshi does such a fantastic job at just... letting imperfect things just *be* without having to justify it immediately #it expects the audience to do their own critical thinking #and know that its not trying to make sweeping universal statements in every instance #marcilleposting #marcille donato

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