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tobi-momo · 3 years

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A Misunderstanding

PAIRING: Kuroo Tetsurou x Reader

GENRE: Angst | Hurt/Comfort | Reverse Comfort

WORD COUNT: 3k

A/N: ok ik this is long but this idea came from literally nowhere but i decided to write it thank you @combat-wombatus for helping me you helped put ideas in my brain<333 now i wasnt originally going for a happy ending but im really bad at angst so enjoy the shitty ending :)

“Please, Y/n, you know I didn't mean it,” he pleaded, his large hands desperately grabbing at your form while you push him away, your breaking sobs making his heart shatter. “Please, baby, don’t leave me,” he begs, falling on his knees in front of your trembling body, not being able to tear his eyes off of your heartbroken ones. He needed you to stay. He needed to show you that he isn’t that guy and that he would do anything for you. It was a one time thing. He wasn’t even sober. It wasn’t him. It was the alcohol. He wasn’t thinking straight. Please forgive him, please, please, please.

But you couldn’t. No matter how hard or how much you loved him and wanted to, the pain that ripped at your heart every time you looked at him was too much to bear. So you didn’t. You turn your blurry, glassy eyes away from him as he grabs your hand and forces it into his; your lips quivering and knees shaking. You couldn’t keep the betrayal and agony inside, whining and weeping at him, your knees giving out before your legs slam against the floor, your head near the carpet as you try and keep your affliction at bay.

“Y/n, please,” he whines, tears streaming down his pale cheeks; his admission of his unfaithfulness drained the color from his face. “Please forgive me, I need you, I love you so much.”

“W-” you sniffle, not knowing what to say. You knew you didn’t have to say anything at all, that you didn’t owe him any words, but you just...you just needed to know. “Why,” your voice quivered and cracked, your throat sore, “why did you,” you take a long breath, grabbing your chest to try and stop the heartache, the sudden cramp that formed where it used to be filled with warmth and love, “do this to me? With her?” You look up at him once with wide, searchful eyes as you ponder the reasons and look for the answers in his empty pupils.

“I wasn’t thinking straight, baby, I didn’t know what I was doing, please,” his voice stammers, trying to get you to understand that he really didn’t know what he was doing. “I would never do this to you, I-” “But you did.” Your tone is no longer sad and confused, but angry and fed up. His head backing up quickly, not expecting the response. “You made a promise, Tetsurou, remember?” You glare at him with menacing eyes as you hold up the very finger he kissed and placed the ring on on your wedding day. The beautiful diamond ring that had his initials carved in the interior and little gorgeous jewels that made the walls sparkle once hit with the hot sun was no more; the dark, gloomy piece of rock and metal meaning nothing but lies and mistrust.

“No, Y/n, please. Don’t do this to me,” he adjures guiltily.

“Don’t do this to you?” Your voice laced with deadly venom, standing and backing up, wiping your mouth with your hand in annoyance, placing it on your hip. “You did this to me! You did this to us! You went out! You got drunk! You fucked someone else! And not even a random girl! No! You just had to fuck your ex!” Your voice cracked again before you inhaled sharply and covered up your struggle.

“Y/n, I didn’t know what I was doing!”

“And that’s an excuse?? What, so now you can go fuck whoever you want and say ‘I didn’t know what I was doing!’” you mimic, “so you can get away with it every time?”

He didn’t answer. He looked at the ground, understanding exactly where you came from.

“Hm? Are you gonna answer me, or sit there like a coward?”

He could tell fully well you were just saying this because you were hurt. You didn’t mean any of it. You loved him. No matter what, you will always love him. Trusting him was out of the box for a while, maybe forever. But he can’t lose you. He knew you were soulmates- he knew you were made for each other. There was a reason you guys made it this far and only had big problems now. He needed to find that reason and use it for himself to win you back. He needed you back.

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, your dramatic hand gestures coming to a halt at his words, your figure coming to a stand still as you wait for him to finish. “You don't deserve this. You don’t deserve me. Please know that it was a mistake and that I’ll never do it again ever, ever, ever,” he repeats, wanting it to sound as sincere as he means. “Just please give me a chance to make this up to you, please don’t leave me by myself without you,” he sobs out, putting his head in his hands.

You knew you shouldn’t feel bad for him. But god-fucking-dammit are you feeling bad for him. You knew you still loved him, you knew he still loved you- that much was obvious. You couldn’t see him for a while, no. Could you guys work it out? Maybe stitch the wound? Wait until the scar is barely visible anymore? Would that even work?

“Tetsurou,” a single, hot tear dripping down your face as you point to the ground. “I don’t know if I can ever trust you again.”

“I know, I know, just please give me a chance to help fix this!” He cries at your feet, his body bundled in a ball of self hatred and guilt. “I can do it, baby. I can help things go back to normal.”

“I don’t think they ever will be normal again.”

He whines, trying to negotiate with you as much as he can. “Let me fix us. Let me give you my everything again, let me show you that I’m all yours and no one else's, please,” he moans in anticipation for rejection, knowing the chances of you agreeing were next to zero.

The next few hours are silent. Him alone in the bedroom. Crouching on the floor as he ponders your possible answer. You work in the kitchen, making food to satisfy your appetite. He could hear your sniffles from the bedroom and picture you wiping your tears as you carry the pots on the stove. God, he was the biggest piece of shit ever known. What the fuck went through his mind when he was fucking his ex? He only remembers some of it, them waking up in bed together after, only wearing undergarments underneath the sheets and him holding her waist as if she were you. He thought they had ended on good terms, knowing that they were better as friends. He rushed out the door, not being able to stay in the same room without getting sick. He knew what he had to do.

He opens the door to the living room, a slight creak gaining your attention as you stir the sauce in the pan. Your eyes are puffy, your lip still trembling as you try to turn away from him. He only takes about two steps forward before he stops, trying to find the words he wants to say.

“Listen, I know you said you needed time, and I’m not rushing you at all whatsoever. I want to give you all the time in the world to think this over. If you need, I can go to Kou’s house and stay there for a while. He won’t mind. I just want to give you the space you deserve.”

You nod in response, your head still facing away before he whispers an “I love you” before he slips out of the apartment.

~.~.~.~

The next few days were tortue. Not being able to sleep in the same bed he would sleep in with you, not being able to watch the same tv shows, not being able to even be in his presence at least once a day like you used to melted a hole of despair inside you: eating away at your emptiness, taking away the numbness that you so desperately needed right now. The feeling came back- the one that you tried shutting out three hours ago. It crept up at you, flipping your stomach and weighing your lungs down to the floor, your throat sore and dry. Your eyes wet with a blurry wall as your tears build up once again, missing your cheeks as you crouch down looking at the floor, falling on the tile. The droplets containing your anguish splatter on the ground, your raggedy whimpers echoing throughout the vacant apartment, making it all the more obvious he wasn’t there.

Knock knock knock

Was that the door?

Your wide, unbelieving eyes turned to the wooden door frame; the knocks getting louder and faster. You quickly stand up and try to collect yourself, preparing to have a long talk with Tetsurou. You grab the handle, turning it- the door opening with a tiny creak.

Oh.

“Hi! Kuroo left his jacket at the party the other day, is he here?”

Oh, that bitch.

“No. He’s not.” You deadpan, not finding her cheery, happy expression amusing.

“Oh no! Uh, well, here, can you give this back to him for me?”

“Stop smiling at me like you aren’t part of the reason he’s gone.” You snark, glaring at her with sharp eyes as she backs up, confused.

“W-what?”

“You heard me. Don’t act fucking clueless.”

“Excuse me? Who are you to talk to m-”

“Oh, cut the shit,” you roll your eyes, “I know you slept with Tetsurou, you don’t need put on whatever the fuck this is,” you gesture at her.

“What the hell are you talking about? What are you, fucking crazy?” Your eyes narrow in confusion, your disgusted scowl lessening at her words.

“Right. You probably don’t remember because you were blacked out,” you add sarcastically. “He told me what you guys did. Now you know. So, I would love it if you would just leave.”

“What are you- Me and Kuroo didn’t do shit last night. I drank like two beers and was hanging out with another girl the entire time,” she explains, looking offended. Your face loosens into an expression she couldn’t read. “He blacked out early and passed out on the couch while I was busy talking with the other girl.”

“Huh?” You whisper, your disoriented thoughts not aligning to a proper conclusion.

“I didn’t go to bed until like,” she thought back, “I don’t know, three in the morning? There were people passed out on the floor so I decided to take the guest bedroom with her. I was still awake when Kuroo came into the room, I’m guessing because he thought it was yours, based off of how he kept mumbling your name and shit,” she exhales, “he grabbed onto me once he got in and just clung.” You glower at her, huffing. She sees this, sighing before continuing, “Calm down, remember nothing happened. Remember that girl? She ended falling off the bed because I was scooting away from his clingy ass.” You look at her blankly, trying to fit the pieces together. “She ended up leaving the party completely,” she mumbled in embarrassment before you speak up.

“Then why did he tell me you guys had sex?” You mutter quietly, although assuming she heard since her head backed up while she quickly scoffs.

“I swear to God, that man. Listen.” You look up into her eyes- her genuine eyes. “Me and Kuroo didn’t do a single thing. I didn’t do anything to him and he didn’t do anything to me. I’ll have a conversation with him later because he is an absolute dumbass,” she breathed.

What the fuck?? You were just supposed to believe her?

“How am I supposed to believe that?”

“Me and him ended a long time ago. I don’t like him like that and I haven’t for a while. And seeing he was bragging about you the entire time at the party, he’s over me, too. Besides, I’m not even into guys that much anymore anyways,” she grinned and winked at you. The shock and realization hit you like a truck. She wasn’t even- oh my God. She chuckled at your expression; you ran away from her to the counter to get your phone, quickly unlocking it and tapping on Tetsurou’s contact.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mumble over and over. To tap the call button, listening to it ring as you bring your phone up to your ear, hearing him pick up the phone almost immediately after.

“Y/n? Are you okay?” He sounded worried. It’s only been about a week, he had hoped that you weren’t going to leave him.

“Get over here, right now, Tetsurou.” Your voice made it seem like it was urgent, so he quickly picked up his jacket from the couch, and you could hear the jingling of his keys as he grabbed them and opened the door, almost slamming it shut once he left.

~.~.~.~

“Y/n?” He asked at the open front door, wondering why it wasn’t closed. “Y/n, you have to be careful and close the door, we have them for a reason, you know,” he said as he walked in. Even after being at the line of a break-up, he still cares for your well-being. He didn’t even do anything wrong and he was still caring for you as a loved one should. He always did everything to make you feel comfortable and safe, so once he knew that he had slept with his ex he was completely devastated to his core. He didn’t want to do this to you, but you had the right to know.

“Tetsu.” You called. Already back to nicknames? This is good, right?

“Yes? Y/n?” He was scared, to say the least, feeling awkward and not knowing what to do. He walked scarcely towards your figure sitting on the couch, not caring to drop his keys and jacket on the counter. He had a feeling this might go wrong.

“We need to talk.” Shit. This is exactly what he didn’t want to hear. Hearing those words he couldn’t help but think that you were going to make him pack his stuff and go. “So, I talked with your ex.” You speak slowly, not wanting your words to come out wrong. You don’t want him to take any of this in a bad way at all. Yet his eyes widen drastically, his heartbeat racing and his nerves pricking him. “You are just one big dummy, aren’t you?”

What? What are you talking about?

“What?”

“You didn’t sleep with her. She told me everything that happened that night. She’s not even into guys anymore. Tetsu-”

This couldn’t be happening. Not only did he accuse himself of cheating, he accused himself of cheating with his ex, and that he cheated with his ex at a party, while you two are married. And then it turns out it wasn’t true? What the hell was wrong with him? He jeopardized your entire relationship because he was too drunk to know what was going on.

“Wait, what?” He yells, angrily sitting down on the couch, “so you’re telling me-” you nodded and hummed an ‘mhm’ in response. His hands find their way to his hair, pulling at the roots and scratching his scalp, his low grunts of pain and fury seeping out of his throat as he frustratingly comprehends what he just did.

You rush over to him, grabbing his wrists and pushing them down to his lap as fast as you can, making his eyes find their way to your blown out pupils. You can see the hot tears prickle down his cheek as he frowns at you, completely and utterly defeated.

“Tetsu, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, it’s okay,” you reassure, giving him a happy smile. He wanted to smile back, but he couldn’t control the broken sob that escaped him. “Hey, hey,” you try to grab his attention as he pulls his head down, crying. “It’s okay, baby, it’ll be okay.” You wrap your arms around his head, protecting him as you softly coo and ‘shh’ him quietly in his ear. ‘I’m sorry’ kept coming out of his mouth as he clinged to you, not being able to help his want to be closer to you. The realization that he just almost broke your heart completely and he had worried about divorce for this shit made him want to just rip his scalp out. He was so stupid. So, so so, stupid. “Tetsu, look at me, please. Look at me,” you whisper, bringing your hand to his chin, dragging it up so you could catch sight of his hazel irises. His eyes red and puffy, his cheeks wet and his eyes droopy, you couldn’t do anything but frown at the sight. He hated himself right now, not wanting to face the embarrassment and the humiliation of the situation.

“You don’t deserve me, I’m so sorry,” he whimpered in your arms, gripping them tighter and tighter for comfort- you knowing that he needed it right now. You had already pulled him into your chest, feeling his wet tears soak your shirt, your hands rubbing his back and your fingers gently grazing his throbbing scalp.

“It’s okay, I forgive you, Tetsu, you did the right thing by telling me you did it instead of hiding it from me, and then it turns out you didn’t do it at all.” Your cheeks start to feel hot, and you don’t even realize your sniffles until you could feel a dam break at your water line. You couldn’t stop them, the tears of relief. You didn’t want to stop them. You were glad that they were her, glad that they were for him, glad they were because you knew the truth, glad because you knew you two would be okay.

You looked back at your ring, watching it bloom like a flower in the spring, the meaning coming back to your marriage. It wasn’t just metal and rock anymore, it was a gorgeous promise.

“I love you, Tetsurou. Don’t forget that. You’re staying with me, alright?” you whisper into his hairline.

“Thank you,” he cries.

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bluebirdsbluebells · 4 years

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love lost - part three

pairing: jj maybank x reader

words: 5.8k (i got carried away im sorry)

warnings: swearing, mentions of cheating, mentions of drugs, angst

a/n: i totally got carried away with this chapter. i was originally just going to keep writing and writing and writing it, but i decided to split it, so there will be a fourth and final chapter after this one. thank you guys so much for the love on this fic. also! the anons that sent in requests, just know that i am working on them! i’ve been a bit slow lately, but i’m trying my best to get them done!

series masterlist

_____

True to your word, you continued to stay away from JJ. Twice you saw him out and about, but you avoided him, keeping your head down and your gaze averted from his own. You could feel him watching you though, waiting to see if you would finally let him back in. That was just something that you knew you couldn’t do. One wrong move and you could be a broken mess on the floor yet again.

When JJ shattered you, you felt as if you lost faith in yourself as well. You could no longer believe anything that he had to say to you, but you felt as if you weren’t any kind of trustworthy either. You felt like you had betrayed yourself; fucked up along the way and created the mess without even realizing its eventual doom.

You tried to stay strong though. You didn’t want Harry to worry any more than he already was. You hadn’t told him about your encounter with JJ on the street, and you hadn’t told him about Rafe’s odd comments either. You thought that it was best to keep quiet and try to move on with your daily activities.

But you weren’t a superhero. Everyone had their breaking point. Maybe you were just unlucky, but it seemed that you had several.

He came up from behind you; swiftly; unnoticed by anyone else. There was a static between his skin and yours as he grazed his fingers along your shoulders, grabbing your attention. You spun around, nearly crashing into the isle of pasta behind you.

“Jesus,” you cursed, stepping away from him. He was too close; you could smell the weed on his breath and the strong odor of his cheap fabric softener. You swallowed tightly. “Can we talk now?” JJ asked, his eyes meeting yours with desperation. They were bloodshot and far from appearing dry, and although he may have been crying, you settled for the alternative. It was unlikely that he would’ve been shedding tears when he reeked of marajuana.

“No,” you whispered, shaking your head as you side-stepped him, your breath catching in your throat.

Your mother had asked you to go out and get groceries for dinner that night. JJ was the last person you wanted to see, and you should’ve known that there were no safe places, not even the supermarket on a dreary Wednesday afternoon.

“Please Y/N?” JJ pleaded, stepping back in front of you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up as he hovered over you, his hair falling into his reddening eyes. “You’re high,” you commented, your gaze dropping to the floor of the supermarket. There were a few cracks that ran along the tile, and you traced them with your eyes. JJ was wearing a pair of dirtied grey boots with black socks that poked above the tops.

“I came here to see you,” he said, rocking back on his heels. You tried to step around him again, but he moved to the side, blocking your path. In the back of your throat you felt a tickle, and you sucked in a breath, fighting with yourself to keep it together. “You followed me here, didn’t you,” you whispered, your head still staying turned to the ground, but you lifted your eyes to glance at him. “I told you that I would talk to you when I was ready.” “And you’re not ready?” JJ asked, his voice rising slightly. When you winced he licked his lips and lowered it, and you watched as his chest rose and fell with a heavy breath. “You’re not ready?” He repeated quietly.

You shook your head, turning your neck to the side. “Get out of the way,” you said, your grip tightening on the plastic handle of your shopping basket. From down the aisle a woman rolled her cart towards the spices, one squeaky wheel screeching against the tile.

“Y/N, I just want to talk to you. I know you don’t trust me, and that’s fine, but I just need to explain myself.” “There’s nothing to explain,” you muttered, pulling your lower lip through your teeth. “It’s perfectly clear.” “It’s not,” he corrected, holding up his hands as if he was trying to steady you, but you didn’t need comfort, you needed to get out of there. “If you would just let me-” “Excuse me,” you mumbled, then you turned on your heel, briskly walking away from him. Your eyes darted to the side as you hurried down the aisle, then quickly slipped into the one over, which was stocked with crackers and chips. You let out a shaky breath, then set down your basket, trying to collect yourself. He was following you. Following you. You had told him that you would give him a chance eventually, but he was too impatient to even respect that you wanted more time.

“Y/N.” He startled you, and you flinched back, nearly tripping over your shopping basket. JJ stood to your left, his arms hanging limply at his sides. He had a blank expression on his face, and if you had to pick one word for the look in his eyes you would’ve picked “defeated”.

“I told you that I would talk to you eventually,” you said, stooping down to pick the cart back up. “But that day isn’t today JJ.” “You won’t do it,” he said quietly. “You’ll just keep avoiding me and nothing will ever get said and you’ll slowly forget about me.” Your lips twitched; a sign that you were close to tears.

“You’re wrong,” you replied, shifting the basket between your sweaty palms. What you really wanted to say was ‘I won’t ever forget about you’, but you just couldn’t. “I told you I would listen and I will. Just-” “Now,” JJ said, shaking his head at you. “You’ll talk to me now. I can’t keep putting it off Y/N. I’ve tried to talk to JB but it’s not the same. I need you to hear it from me.” “Hear what from you?” You weren’t sure where the surge of frustration came from, but before you knew it your voice was cracking while you spat back at him. “Hear that you cheated on me with three girls while I was sick in bed on your birthday? It coming from you doesn’t make it any better JJ, because I had to find out from my best friend first. I don’t need to hear shit from you.” He stared at you, and inside of his chest you imagined his heart shrinking, his stomach falling. You wondered how bad his pain was compared to yours. Had he sobbed and shrieked and dry heaved all night until his ribs ached and his mind no longer functioned? You didn’t think so.

“Excuse me,” a quiet voice said from behind you, and you turned around to face an older man with his shopping cart. You felt your cheeks flush red as you stepped to the side. JJ did the same, and the man gave the both of you a small smile as he wheeled the trolley past, his eyes scanning over the items on the shelves. You waited until he had turned the corner before you exhaled a heavy breath, looking away from JJ and back down at the ground. “If you don’t drop what you’re doing and talk to me now, you’re never going to talk to me,” JJ said quietly. You didn’t answer, just swung the basket around your legs. It bumped into your thighs, and JJ watched as you did it over and over, refusing to reply. “Why does it matter if we speak now as opposed to months from today? Y/N it doesn’t.”

“Nothing you can say will ever justify what you did,” you answered, finally looking back up at him. “You know that, don’t know?” You watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed, and then he ran a shaky hand through his hair. He seemed to take in your words, and then he took a slow step towards you, his head tilting as he spoke quietly. “I just want you to know what happened.” He was close to you. Three feet, maybe two. The smell of the weed wasn’t as strong as it had been when you first encountered him, but it would still be noticeable to any who passed him. You wouldn’t speak to him when he was high. You weren’t much of a smoker, but every once in a while you would hit a blunt or two with him and sit under the sky and talk. You would draw the line though. There were countless times when he would show up at your place completely shitfaced or crossed and you would take him in and look after him for the night, but when he fell asleep or left your place in the morning you were always panged with disappointment. You knew that it was his life and he could do whatever he wanted to do, but you found more often than not that he would smoke and drink to forget whatever he was going through. It was clear to you that he had done that then.

“If you want me to know so bad then tell me right here, right now,” you said. A pained expression crossed his face, and he shook his head. “I can’t.” “You can’t.” “I can’t do it in a fucking supermarket Y/N.” His voice rose, and you clenched your jaw, praying that you hadn’t attracted any unwanted attention. Your mother was probably at home wondering what was taking you so long. “Why not?” You whispered back, and your lip quivered as you spoke. “If it’s so important, then just fess up.” “You can’t just…” he trailed off, then let out an aggravated groan, causing the corners of your lips to turn down. “You need to hear everything. I- I haven’t been entirely honest with you Y/N.”

You blinked at him, disbelief on your face. “You think?” You snapped at him, and then you took a step back, shaking your head. You needed to control yourself. You couldn’t let your emotions get the best of you; a clear mind was what you had to have. Breathe in, breathe out. “I haven’t been honest about-” he swallowed “-other things either.”

To you, that was one of the most unbelievable sentences that you had ever heard in your life. JJ had left you broken and in despair after shattering your heart, and he was confessing that he had done not only that, but other things as well. You didn’t know what to say. You had no idea what to do. You wanted to burst into tears and fall into a heap in the middle of the store, but you also wanted to slap him straight across the face for telling you in the middle of a fucking grocery store that he had lied to you. Maybe it was what you deserved for not facing the problem head on.

You opened and closed your mouth at him, then slowly stepped away from him, shaking your head.

“You can’t do that to me,” you said hoarsely, and you watched as his face fell. He stepped towards you, holding out his hands, but you shook your head, pulling your basket away from him and picking up your pace. “Listen…” He started, but you held out your hand, urging him to stay back. You could see that he realized he had hurt you, and his shoulders sagged, but he stayed in place. You walked backwards all the way to the end of the aisle, and as soon as he was out of sight you beelined for the self-checkout. Tears brimmed your eyes as you aggressively slid all of your items across the small scanner, trying desperately to get it over with. You needed space, you needed air. You had to get out of that store. “Something wrong ma’am?” You heard a voice call from behind you, and you turned your head to see a middle aged man standing at your right, one hand gesturing to your items. They were scattered across the bagging shelf, and one slab of butter even sat on the ground. You hastily reached down to pick it up, trying to blink back your tears. “No,” you assured, giving him a short nod. “I’m just in a rush.” “Alright then,” he said, returning the nod. “Just be careful there. You may scan something twice.” He most likely was trying to get you to slow down so you didn’t miss scanning anything, but of course that was just his polite way of letting you know that he was watching. You took a deep breath, and then continued to swipe your items more carefully. You stuffed the things into your reusable bags, then hurriedly carried them outside. You didn’t worry about setting them carefully in the back, instead you just threw open the trunk and chucked the bags inside. There was a heavy weight on your chest, and you felt as if you were being threatened for air. As soon as your driver’s side door closed you let out a loud sob, one that wracked your shoulders. Your hands gripped to the steering wheel as you dropped your head, trying to heave in breath after breath. You weren’t sure if any tears actually fell from your eyes, but you still couldn’t see anything. Your vision was blurry and crowded, and suddenly you felt like if you were to try and stand, you would’ve crumpled to the ground, shrouded with betrayal.

There was a light tap on your passenger’s side window, but you didn’t lift your head. You had a pretty fucking good idea on who it was, and you weren’t pleased, but you didn’t have the energy to deny his presence for the millionth time. JJ opened the door slowly, then slipped inside, closing it quietly behind him. For a solid minute or two he didn’t say anything, and the only things that could be heard were the shaky rasps of your breathing and the sticky sound of you peeling your sweaty palms off of the leather of the steering wheel.

“Y/N,” JJ said quietly, and you pinched your eyes closed, your jaw clenching yet again. A pang shot through your chest. It felt like someone was taking Finochietto retractor and spreading your ribs right open.

“Were you lying to me the whole time?” You whispered, opening your eyes, but you kept your gaze at your shoes. Your hands still gripped the steering wheel, and your head still hung between your arms.

JJ was silent, and you darted your eyes over to him. He had a blunt in his hands, but it was unlit, and he only rolled it between his fingers, watching it. “Can we start at the beginning?” He asked quietly, and you dropped your gaze back to your shoes.

“The beginning meaning the beginning of our relationship or the beginning meaning when you started sleeping with other girls.” He sucked in a breath. “I didn’t sleep with anyone.” You rolled your tongue along your teeth, then sniffled before letting out a humourless laugh. “That’s what they all say.” “I’m telling the truth Y/N.” “Five minutes ago you confessed that you were a liar JJ,” you said, raising your head from between your arms. “I don’t know what to believe.” Another pained look crossed his face, and he sighed heavily. JJ tucked the blunt back in his pocket, then ran his fingers through his hair.

“That’s fair,” he said slowly. You could tell he was trying very carefully to pick out the right words. One wrong move and you would kick him out and drive away, and he would probably never speak to you again. “That’s fair Y/N. You have every right not to trust me. I know that you probably won’t believe what I have to say, but I need to tell you. I haven’t been fucking sleeping or eating… I’ve just been thinking about you too much; thinking about how much of a shitty person I am.” “You are a shitty person,” you said, barely hesitating. “You really hurt me, do you know that.” He nodded, his eyes falling to his boots. “I know.” You looked at him for the longest that you had looked at him since the breakup. You noticed the dark circles under his eyes and hollowed out sockets. He had always had a nice golden glow to his skin, but right then he looked pale and sickly, like he truly hadn’t eaten or slept in days. His face showed the look of someone who had been broken, but it was his posture that really sold it for him. His normally radiating confidence was absent. JJ’s shoulders sagged, and he hunched into himself as if he was terrified of the world around him. His fingers jittered and tapped in his lap, and you could practically feel the anxiety that he was feeling. In a way you mimicked each other perfectly. If someone would’ve walked by and seen the two of you, they would’ve never been able to guess who was the cheater and who had been cheated on. You were both at a loss, and that was why you didn’t immediately scream at him to get out. There was a tiny little part of you that almost felt for him, and urged you to hear what he had to say simply out of desperation. That tiny little part of you was the one that wanted to believe that he had never intentionally broken your trust so easily, and that little part of you won.

“Once I get started you have to promise to let me finish,” JJ said, and his eyes lifted from the ground to look over at you. You were hesitant, unsure about whether or not you would be able to let him stay. You were unsure if the news he was about to break to would’ve been worse than what you had already gone through. You were terrified of living those weeks all over again but doubled in pain.

“Y/N?” JJ asked hopefully. “Do you promise?” Gloomily, you nodded. There wasn’t any going back after that.

“I didn’t sleep with anybody. I haven’t slept with anyone since you, I swear to god. Whatever John B. thought that he saw, he didn’t see it.” “They were all over you,” you said flatly, raising your head further from the wheel. It hit your headrest, and you let out a long, slow breath. “JB said they were on your lap-” “They were,” JJ confirmed, and you swallowed tightly. “Let me explain. Just- just let me explain.” “Fine,” you breathed, and your whole body ached. He had just told you that there was a girl on his lap like he was telling you what the time was. He was too casual about it.

Little did you know it was because he was trying to brace himself; prepare for what he was about to say next. He was terrified to admit it to you, terrified that you were going to hate him more than you already did. He had never been so scared in his life. He had prepared speeches to give to you about everything that he had done, but every time that he saw you he always lost everything he thought he had memorized, and he felt like it was the day that the two of you broke up all over again. He was so helpless, but he needed you to know.

“I was having a really good night,” JJ started, and you closed your eyes again. You felt so tense, and you knew that if you didn’t breathe and try to calm down you were just going to take whatever he had to say even harder. “You guys really decorated that place up. It looked really really good Y/N.” You could feel as he looked over at you. “It was so much fun, but I kept wishing that you were there. I took a shot for you. I took five actually, but I kept needing more. I was just downing them like there was no tomorrow.” He chuckled, as if he was recalling the night. The sound of his laughter made your stomach churn, and you dropped your head to the left, opening your eyes slowly. The car beside you was pulling out of it’s stall, and the woman driving gave you a smile before she sped off. You didn’t return it.

“And then I got a text from Barry.”

“Barry?” You asked, your ears perking at the name. So Rafe had been onto something. “Like… Barry Barry?”

“Yes,” JJ answered shortly. “That Barry.” You closed your mouth, feeling another sob start to make it’s way up your throat. Your breath hitched. If the situation actually hadn’t been cheating then…

“Drugs,” you whispered, praying to god that it wasn’t true. You had always looked down on Rafe for doing coke, and you had never expected that your boyfriend -- well, ex -- would’ve been one to do the same. Maybe it wasn’t like that, but nothing seemed to be much of what you expected anymore anyways.

Either JJ hadn’t heard you or he ignored your comment, but he continued on his story, his voice noticeably shakier. “He told me he had a little birthday gift for me,” JJ said quietly. “He said he got someone that was going to drop it off, and to wait for them out the back door. I guess he knew that John B. was having the party or something -- I don’t know -- but he told me to go out back and wait for the guy, so I did.” He paused, and you heard him swallow, his breath catching in his throat. “It wasn’t a guy though. It was three chicks.” Fuck.

“Krissy,” you mumbled, and you felt a single tear escape from your eye. It slid down your cheek, and then plopped onto the grey fabric of your shirt. “I thought they were the gifts and I told them you know ‘no I have a girlfriend’ and shit like that, but they said they were just there to give me the stuff, and then they would leave.” Out of the corner of your eye you watched as he raked his fingers through his hair, then swipe his thumb over his lip. His knee bounced as well, and you chewed on your cheek, worry growing inside of you. “I said they could come in for a second so I could take a look at what they brought and so they came inside and we went in this room. I- I didn’t have any bad intentions at all Y/N, I swear. I didn’t want John B. or anyone to see the-” “What did they bring?” You asked impatiently. You tasted blood from where you had bit your cheek. “What?” “What did Barry give you?”

JJ hesitated. “Drugs.” You felt your stomach drop. Barry had sent three obviously beautiful girls to give your taken boyfriend drugs for his eighteenth birthday. There was something that wasn’t adding up to you, but maybe it was just because you didn’t want to hear it.

“And did you do them?” “Y/N-” “Did you do them at the party?” You pressured. “There? With the girls? With Krissy? Is that when you slept with them?” “I told you didn’t sleep with anybody,” JJ answered firmly, and you sighed, releasing your grip on the steering wheel only long enough to tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. “But I did do the... the drugs.” “And what was it?” He didn’t hesitate that time.

“LSD.”

Your breath caught in your throat, and then your hands slipped down from the wheel. He had told you that he would never do any hardcore drugs, and he said that he meant it. But he also said that he would never lie to you, and he had.

“They said that I had to do it there, and so I did.” “Just like that?”

“Just like that,” JJ admitted. “And Y/N… I don’t remember much from that night. Everything was a blur, but I wasn’t in there long enough to do anything with them, and they were high but they knew not to touch me.” “But they did.” “I know,” JJ whispered. “I know. I was confused Y/N. I was confused and I couldn’t figure out what was going on and- fuck! I couldn’t even find the fucking door so I just stayed there with them hoping that it would wear off soon enough so I could go back to normal and I could tell how grateful I was that you helped plan such a great party.”

The weight in your chest slipped from your sternum to the pit of your stomach. Even if you wanted to get up and leave him, you wouldn’t have been able to walk or even stand. It seemed like you had a thousand pound sack of bricks on your lap, and your legs were being mutilated. You felt trapped there with JJ in that car. “Why would Barry do that for you JJ?” You asked, turning your head to look at him. Your eyes filled up with tears once they met his, and his lip quivered. He licked it, then reached into his pocket and pulled out his blunt, absentmindedly playing with it. “Because…” he sucked in a breath, then exhaled it slowly. “Because I know him well.” You were scared of what he had to say. You were absolutely terrified to listen, and he was absolutely terrified to speak. There was an unbelievable tension between the two of you, and it threatened to break your bones in on you. “So where’s the lie JJ?” You whispered, your voice shaky. “Where’s the part where you haven’t been entirely honest?” He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth as he winced, looking away. Your expression matched his, and two more tears rolled out of your eyes and down your cheeks.

“I didn’t want to tell you,” he rasped, his tongue swiping over his top lip. “I never knew how.” “Tell me what, JJ?” “The drugs.” “The dru- oh.” You knew then. You knew it. Everything went through your head in a millisecond, and you knew exactly why he had behaved the way he had all those times. It was shattering news. It wasn’t as horrible as you thought it would be because it wasn’t the situation you thought it would be -- which was that he was going to confess he had been cheating throughout your whole relationship -- but maybe in a way it was worse. At least if he had cheated you could’ve expected it because you already had prepared yourself for that confrontation, but the actual truth was something that you hadn’t braced for, and it hurt like a motherfucker. If he had been honest with you from the start you could’ve probably gotten over it, but he had lied to you.

“What kinds of drugs?” You choked out. “All kinds,” JJ whispered back. He was ashamed to tell you. “Coke, tabs of all kinds of shit. Molly- I did molly sometimes.”

“Is that where you always went?” You croaked, your throat incredibly dry. “When you said you have to leave?” He hung his head. For a long time the two of you sat in silence, you with tears streaming down your face and him rigid, barely breathing. At some point he lit up his joint, and he dragged on it until it was nothing but a stump, and then he flicked it out the window. You just stared blankly at the steering wheel, your whole body numb. There was a saying that went something like “I’d rather be hurt by the truth than comforted by a lie”, and in that moment there was nothing that you believed in more. All those months that you doubted yourself led to insecurities; were you good enough for him? Was he losing interest? Did he find you boring to be around? You could’ve saved yourself so much worrying if he had just told you the truth. When you began to doubt yourself you began to ultimately doubt him too, and late at night you questioned his loyalty. In a way though it felt as if you had still been cheated on. Felt like you were being cheated by the full honesty of your relationship. He wasn’t out with another girl, but he was with something that he couldn’t part with, not even to stay an extra hour after dinner, or hit a beautiful night at the beach. But your heart broke for him. He felt the need to lie to you. You wanted to tell him that it was okay, that it was going to be okay, and that you were okay, but you just couldn’t. Your chest was being ripped apart slowly, and you struggled to breathe. You couldn’t walk, you couldn’t talk. You were helpless and torn and hurt more than over; a combined hurt though, both yours and his. “You shouldn’t have had to keep that a secret,” you finally said, drawing out your words slowly as if you were hearing yourself for the first time. You still felt a betrayal, and you turned to him, shaking your head slightly with disbelief. “You would’ve rather had me believe that you cheated on me than admit that you do drugs?”

JJ opened and closed his mouth, and then slowly the tears pooled in his eyes, and his nose twitched like he was trying to hold back a sneeze. But he wasn’t, he was trying to hold back the sob that was threatening to take over his body. His chest crumpled in on him, and your own was panged with guilt and sorrow. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered as he averted his eyes. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I was so fucking ashamed to tell you and…” he trailed off and his voice broke as a cry took over his body. Seeing him in pain was a hundred thousand times more awful than just you being in pain. If you thought your heart had broken before, it was nothing compared to what you felt in that moment. You knew what he needed, and you gave it to him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, stretching yourself over the middle console as you pulled him into you.. He heaved heavy sobs into your chest, and you tugged him closer, your hands planting themselves firmly on his back. His body shook as he cried, repeating apologies over and over while your own tears fell into his hair and stained his shirt. “You don’t have to feel ashamed,” you whispered, your voice muffled by blonde locks. “You don’t ever have to feel like you need to hide anything.” “You hated that shit,” JJ sobbed, and you placed one hand on his head, right at the nape of his neck. “You hated it all, but with my dad and all the shit I had to deal with I just lost myself. I didn’t want you to think any less of me.” Your heart panged. Oh, how much you wished you could’ve taken his sadness from him. You wished that you could’ve stripped him from his pain and let him be swallowed by your arms and your embrace.

“Never,” you breathed, pinching your eyes shut. “Never. I would never.” “Molly Y/N. I did molly. I did hallucinogens,” he cried into your chest. You could feel the wetness of his tears seeping through your shirt, and if it was possible at all, you pulled him even closer, feeling the weight of his body against yours. It was uncomfortable over the middle console, but you didn’t care. He was in your arms after so many weeks of not being held, and you missed everything about him. You missed his scent and his laugh and his smile and his jokes and every little quirk that he had. But your pain still stood. “You really hurt me JJ,” you mumbled into his hair. “I expected the worst case scenario.” “Of course,” he whispered. “Of course.” You brought your hand up a little further on his head, then began to stroke your fingers through his hair. You could feel his body relax slightly into yours, and you let out a shaky breath. “Did you tell the others?” He shook his head into your neck. “Sort of. John B. I told almost everything, but he was still upset with me for lying.” You licked your lips, tasting the saltiness of your tears.

“Me too,” you said quietly. And the two of you stayed like that for a while longer. After you had stopped crying JJ still continued to sob, and his body didn’t stop shaking until he realized that you probably had somewhere to be. “I shouldn’t keep you,” he said, pulling away quickly and swiping at his eyes. “You bought that shit for a reason.” He gestured to the groceries. You slowly pulled away as well, wiping at your own cheeks and running a hand through your hair. There was no way that you could hide your breakdown from Harry. You probably had a million texts from your mother too; it was way past dinner.

“I should’ve listened to you sooner,” you admitted quietly, pulling at the hem of your shirt. You could see the tear droplet stains on the fabric, but you didn’t care. “I was just scared of what you were going to say.” “I should’ve told you sooner,” JJ replied, his voice soft and sad. He had never been good with his emotions, you both knew that, but you could tell that everything he said then had come from the heart. He meant every word that he spoke, and he was truly sorry. It was a comforting feeling, to believe him again, but you knew that it would take a long time to trust him again. “I’m sorry I avoided you and- and doubted you.” “Don’t ever be sorry,” JJ rasped, cracking a sad smile as he wiped his eyes again. “Maybe… maybe we can talk tomorrow?” You looked down at your lap, sucking in a long breath. It was a big step to meet with JJ again. Well, meet with him intentionally. But you knew that you had to speak to him more. You weren’t just about to leave him when he needed you most. You nodded. “I’m not going to abandon you JJ. I’m so sorry.”

@daygiowvibe @kaylinfayezink @imsad05 @vibin-n-thrivin

#jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank fic #jj maybank imagine #jj x reader #jj fic #jj imagine #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fic #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank series #lovelostseries #bluebirdsbluebellsfic

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p1nkwitch · 3 years

Text

Ok, there are i think 5 more parts and the little arc is done, then it will be time for random bits, but maybe i will just put those directly into ao3 instead of here.

@nonbinaryeye Heeey angst fest! i feel you will like this.

Also one more thing for the next few chapters. I had to shuffle and rethink some aspects for the characters since there can only be one per session. So either Jon or Elias had to win the light player spot and im afraid its not Elias this time. Im happy with what i chose instead for him but its just a heads up. I feel it suits him well considering several of his actions.

Due to unforeseeable events that you refuse to divulge or go deeper into, you are currently tearing apart the room you are residing in. You are ELIAS BOUCHARD and you are furious beyond repair, beyond imagination and you are also HURT. That man has no right to hurt you. No right whatsoever.

PETER LUKAS is your husband and he has broken up with you, but not like usual. Not like any of the ways before. This was not him and you refuse to acknowledge it, the fact that he actually did by text was even worse. Your sprite and Jonah are both watching you in your destructive fury. Both with different expressions on their faces.

BARNABAS looks like he wants to say something, yet the acidic look that JONAHSPRITE gives him stops him on his tracks. His double is not destroying the room and the only reason he can think of is that the words that the lonely man used with him, actually cut him deep.

It had been cruel and callous in a way that Peter rarely was and even less with him, with either of them. After all he had been the first to say that Jonahsprite was just as real as he was. So to hear him say the opposite was quite jarring, not even that, but to be told he would prefer the cat back instead of him was unbelievable.

You pick up your INDESTRUCTIBLE CANE OF KNOWLEDGE and ask your question. The handle had a crystal 8 ball that would answer anything you needed.

“Does Peter Lukas love me?”

You wait for the answer, for the single word that has appeared every time you have asked that same question since getting the weapon in question. Sometimes you were in a land on your own and the man would not answer back your messages, so you asked the object and knew without a doubt that Peter was just being stubborn and nothing else.

Its not because you loved to hear the confirmation of it.

The ball goes from clear and shiny to dull and grey with fog inside it.

It takes a few seconds to comprehend what you just read, shaking it again you asks.

“Is Peter Lukas in love with me?”

You start to pace and breathe harder.

“Does Peter have any feelings for me??!!”

The words take longer to appear as if it was trying to parse them through, but the answer leaves Elias frozen in place, feeling a deep pit of despair.

HE FEELS INDIFFERENCE AND HATE

PETER LUKAS CAN'T CARE ABOUT JONAH MAGNUS

“Why?!” You punch and hit the wall out of pure rage instinct and hurt. The others in the room flinch. The anger, hurt and grief is too much and you end up letting a sound more animalistic than human.

You don't expect it to tell you an answer, it's not that good yet for full complete answers, but somehow it does.

It's not the answer you wanted.

THE EYE HAS NOT GLANCED TO THE LONELY

AND THE FOG HAS TAKEN A HOLD OF HIM

IT TOOK HIS HEART AND NOW ITS HOLLOWED OUT

THE SPIDER SPINS HER WEB ON HIM

AND NOW THE EMPTY MAN THINKS HE HAS NOTHING

CONGRATULATIONS YOU PLAYED YOURSELF

You are-

Elias is done with the narrative, done with the game and the web that got him here.

The thief of heart walks out while the other two follow, he goes until he finds the room he was looking for. Annabelle, Jon, Oliver, Martin, Basira and Melanie are there.

“So you started this and told no one?? What now, we are dooming another world again? Is that it, how many times can you-”

“What did you tell him Miss Cane?” The room goes quiet and everyone stares at him.

“What is wrong with you-”

“Melanie if you don't shut up i will leave you brain dead before you can stab me again. Annabelle what did you tell him to convince him to help?” Said woman was staring at him with mild interest, but did not seem to care much. Annabelle was the only one of them left who had not reached god tier and was in her original body.

Melanie started to move in his direction but the detective stopped her.

“I told him the truth, that there is no other way out, he went willingly if that's what you are concerned about. I did not lie or manipulate him in any way. As for anything else, i told him what he already was thinking, but did not want to say out loud” She waves him away as if it was nothing, as if she just didn't basically ensnared him and doomed him.

“You should treat your toys more kindly less someone else picks them up to play with them. Then again… you do have a history to turn a blind eye to the lonely when its picking apart something you care about” Her eyes turn to something on his back and he knows Barnabas and Jonah are there.

“What are you talking about?” Jonathan, curious as always.

“He just wants to know how I got Peter to help me start the scratch. I just asked very nicely and explained myself and he went willingly that's all, he starts it and Simon gets all of us out”

“Yes, but we leave him behind don't we?” Her smile has fangs on it.

“A price he was happy to pay as long as he was alone, it is the only thing he asked for” No, he is not losing this easily.

“Tell him to stop”

“I'm afraid I can't, and even if I did, he would not listen, too far gone. He is taking the worst parts of his aspect and mixing it with forsaken he is a lost cause now. I'm sure once we make a new earth you can find a replacement, it's in your nature after all to interchange Lukas for Lukas”

Elias is fairly reasonable, he only ever acts out in panic and when he knows he has an advantage.

Which is why he doesn't understand why the next thing he knows is that he is bashing her skull with the INDESTRUCTIBLE CANE OF KNOWLEDGE, over and over again, his ears were ringing and he was sure he could hear the others yelling at him, an arm tries to grab him and he shoves as much painful knowledge into the head of whoever is trying to stop him that they release him.

Before the first hit connected with her head however, Elias actually saw the surprise and fear in her eyes. Annabelle did not expect him to react like this.

She did not expect him to care at all.

By the time he is done, her body is lying on the ground with cobwebs and spiders spilling out of the remains of her crushed head. Breathing hard he looks around and sees everyone with their weapons raised at him, except for Basira who was on the floor holding her head and Oliver who merely nodded at him.

He already knew someone was going to die.

Oh.

“I- i think i might have overreacted” The faces of sheer incredulity hit him and before any of them try to stop him Jonah grabs his shoulder.

“He will be in the land of Time, if we hurry..” They won't make it back he knows.

Elias doesn't want to die, but he is so angry at Peter.

No, he is furious at him. After all this time and after everything.

This is not how it ends.

Holding the cane he makes a run for the window and jumps out.

He flies as fast as he can to go and beat up his husband to death. If Peter shall die it would be by his hand, he won't let him leave him first, not like this. Elias will never let him have the last word over him and will not let him die like he wants either.

#tmastuck #magnustuck #Elias finally lost his cool #Peter has a big storm coming his way #also there is a reason why he acted that way #it will be furhter explained later #along with what he actually said #that pissed off Elias so badly #also awww he cares for him <3

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imagine-a-killingharmony · 5 years

Text

S/O Saving Kokichi from Maki

(here comes the angst-) could i request a s/o being the one who protects kokichi from being killed by maki? (that scene hurts me im so much levels-)

Oh my god the angst!!! I’m also dying because I thought: wait which scene there’s like two, and then I died. U killed me anno.

I’m kidding! My death will pierce the heavens, it can’t be too lame! I’ll just make type down the scene with Kaito taking an arrow for Kokichi, since I assume it’s what you mean! (Not choking in front of everyone.)

-Mod Shuichi

Kokichi Ouma

Kokichi looked up towards Maki, his breaths starting to hitch, his grip on ground beneath him starting to collapse under him.

He already had one stupid crossbow shot into his arm, it felt kind of tedious for another to be there, honestly... he tried his best to put up a smile, another facade.

This is how he dies, not ending this stupid killing game but underneath the wrath of some love struck assassain who wants to capture her damsel in distress...?

Not only that, he barely understands what he’s saying with this... remnant of despair shit... Kokichi blinks, sighs.

He can barely move his muscles, what a pain... he’s starting to wonder if this is how Himiko felt, when she didn’t even get to say goodbye to Tenko...

He didn’t even get to explain himself to you, he’s gonna die a liar, he wants to crrryyyy... But Maki’s here so he can’t do that, Maki’s going to kill him, so he might as well just accept his fate since she can’t even answer those stupid unbelievably rigged questions.

He shuts his eyes close, Maki’s already glaring daggers at him in his last moments he saw her hand pull against the trigger, the last thing he feels is gonna be hatred? Wow, he deserves it, sure.

Yet he doesn’t feel a thing besides something pushing him from the side.

...

“Eh?”

He heard Maki let out a gasp, then another choked sputter before a light thud, Kokichi opens his eyes.

Your on top of him, the arrows hitting something else, you look on the verge of hyperventilating, sweat rolling down your features as you stare horrified at the assassain.

“... What... the hell... Maki? Y-You... were you going to...” You look back down at Kokichi, he’s too stunned to react, this wasn’t according to plan, not at all. “Maki- I-I swear to- W-We need to get bandages, holy crap we need bandages!”

Maki’s staring at you unsure of how to further proceed with... you, The now thorn at her side, she’s shivering, afraid! Right?

A standstill.

Kokichi smiles, the world feels so... woozy, from the other arrow already stuck in his arm, it’s funny. “... Wooow... you saved the big bad mastermind...? How did you even know we were here...”

“... I... I wanted to convince you, what you were doing is stupid but.” You’d glare at Maki yourself. “GUESS SOMEONE THOUGHT THAT WASN’T WORTH THE TIME.”

“Holy craaaaap! Call her out- Call her out S/O please!”

“H-He-“ Maki tries to defend herself, your already picking Kokichi bridal style, he’s really light for his age.

“You know you’ll be next if you try to defend yourself, big bad mastermind, right? Maki, if you try anything I’m calling you out INFRONT of the others.”

“... D-Do you want to die-?!”

“DO YOU?!”

Kokichi begins to cackle as you drag him away, Maki weakly follows along with a pout on her face at her failed murder plot, holy shit.

Holy shit this is the luckiest break that’s ever hit him.

#mod shuichi #mod shumai #ndrv3 imagines #ndrv3 x reader #kokichi ouma #maki harukawa

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joohoneyhoe · 7 years

Text

Push and Pull| Five

[song inspiration: JK & JM cover - We Don’t Talk Anymore]

pairing: Jimin x oc x Jaebum genre: humor, angst, itty bitty fluff word count: 2.8k a/n: Isolde spent three years with Jimin after meeting him by chance in a dance studio. He was perfect and he loved her, she thought he was the one she’d spend the rest of her life with. That all crumbles when he decides he wants to please his parents and leave her so he can be with someone like him. Isolde is plummeted into turmoil and leaves her job as a choreographer to move back home to the states. A mutual friend named Im Jaebum reaches out to console her, lift her back up from her fragile state. It’s a push and pull tug between what she thought she had and what she could have.

Three and a half months had passed since I came back home to California to live with my mom and two younger sisters. The first two weeks, I spent most of that in my childhood bed crying, ignoring Jimin’s text and calls. After I avoided all of his attempts to contact me, he eventually gave up and I quit getting them. I didn’t get out of my bed for anything but showers and water in those two weeks. Mom supported me for as long as she could, but eventually made me get out of my cocoon, telling me life wouldn’t stop for me. She was right, I couldn’t be in bed and mope around forever, though that’s all I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

The first thing I did was go to the place my love for dance started and got my job back. My old boss, Reese, hired me back on the spot with no questions asked. She had taught me from the time I was five up until I was eighteen, when she made me a teacher at her academy. To be honest, she was probably my favorite person in the world, besides my own mother. She had told me once that dancing came from the heart, not from the head. It didn’t matter how good you were, if you didn’t let your heart lead you, there was no point in doing it. She was amazing, all around and I found myself feeling happy to be back somewhere so familiar to me.

I got back into the swing of things, almost as if I’d never left this place. I worked, practiced, came home, ate and went to bed, only to start all over the next day. The only difference in my life now, was Jaebum. Every day, I woke up to a text telling me good morning, even though it was bedtime for him. I think I talked to him more than I talked to my own family, and I lived with them.

We’d Skype in the morning while I got around for work and he got around for bed, he’d tell me about his day, what he did, how the guys were and of course about Nora, Kunta and Odd. Then at night, after I’d get done eating, I always came up to my room and got on Skype to wait for him until he woke up. It never failed, he always showed up, no matter how tired he was in the morning or at night.

After that day at the airport with him, something in our friendship seemed to switch. Before, we had been merely two people who happened to share the same best friend. Yeah, we got along, joked around with each other, but we didn’t talk outside of that. Now, I talked to him more often than I did Jackson or Suran.

I’m not entirely sure what happened, but I found myself thinking less and less about the man who shattered my entire world, and more about the one checking in on it. He always had a smile on his face when he greeted me, and that was a big deal for someone like him. I looked forward to our daily interactions, whether they be over text or over Skype, I was always ready to talk to him and he seemed to feel the same about me. Talking to him this way made me wish I had spent more time with him when I had the chance to do so. It seemed like everywhere I turned, I felt a new kind of regret. It was exhausting.

“Hey, space girl! Where are you?!” Jaebum’s voice coming from my open computer broke my train of thought, making me drop the shirt I had been folding.

“Isolde?!” I chuckled and went over to sit cross legged on my bed in front of my lap top, clad in only athletic shorts and a oversized shirt.

“You are so unbelievably impatient, Im Jaebum.” I pointed out as I pulled my hair up into a messy bun. A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips, his eyes narrowing as his eyebrow arched.

“I would think after this last however many months, you’d understand that by now.“

“Oh, shut up, asshole.” he laughed, taking his hand through his black hair. I bit my lip, trying not to pay too much attention to how good he looked first thing in the morning. He was still shirtless, eyes coated in sleep, his skin practically glowing in the light of his computer screen.

Wait, what was I thinking? This was Jaebum I was talking to right now, nothing more than just my grumpy, sarcastic friend.

“Why don’t you have a shirt on? You knew you’d be talking to me.” I teased, hoping maybe he’d put one on, so I would be less distracted during the course of our conversation.

“Why do you have a shirt on? You knew you’d be talking to me.” my face instantly flushed and it made him let out that ridiculous, dumb jock sounding laugh he did.

“You’re such a dickhead!” I exclaimed, crossing my arms over my chest in frustration.

“Hey, I was just curious why you thought clothes were necessary for this conversation.” He shot me a wink and a full fledged smile, my stomach fluttering.

“I don’t know why I’m even friends with you.” I complained as I sighed heavily.

This was ridiculous, I shouldn’t be feeling this way at all. Not after what had happened, this should be the last thing I wanted to feel.

“Hey,“

My eyes landed on his through the screen, his smile fading away. "I need to talk to you about something, Is.” I tilted my head to the side in curiosity at his sudden change of demeanor.

“What, Jae?” his eyes drifted away, hand going through his hair out of nervousness now.

“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but I don’t want you finding out some other way and be upset that someone didn’t tell you sooner. I never want to be THAT guy when it comes to your ex, ever. But, I feel like it’s something you should know and should hear from a friend, not word of mouth or a headline on the internet.“

You know that feeling you get right before you’re about to go over the edge at the beginning of a roller coaster ride? That’s the feeling his words gave me immediately.

“What is it?” my voice was quieter than I expected it to be, but he heard me. He took a deep breath, put his hands on the desk and rested his chin on them as he made eye contact with me.

“Jimin, he’s dating someone.”

And there was the drop, my stomach feeling like I’d just been punched by Mike Tyson. My eyes welled with tears, mouth tasting of bile, breathing shallow as if I was going to have a panic attack. All the fluttery feelings I had felt moments ago, were gone and replaced with despair.

“I’m sorry, Isolde. I didn’t want you to be blindsided by it. I’m really sor-” I stopped him.

“Jae, it’s okay. Thank you for telling me.” I wiped the tears that had fallen as I looked at his concerned expression, eyes full of sympathy. “I’m glad it was you who told me and not someone else, or the fucking internet.” he sat up, scooting closer to his computer, his face still full of worry. I don’t know how after all these years, I missed how sweet and kind he was. He’d give you the shirt off his fucking back if you needed it, no hesitation.

“I’m sorry, Is. I really am.” he apologized softly. In that moment, I wished I was with him, so I could hug him like I desperately wanted to.

“It’s not your place to be sorry, Jaebum. I knew this would come eventually, that was the whole point of our breakup.“

“That doesn’t mean it hurts any less.” I gave him a smile as I pushed my computer forward so I could lay down on my elbows and talk.

“I’ll be okay. I have you to keep my feet on the ground, just like you’ve been doing for the past three and a half months. I’m glad it was you I heard it from. Thank you for being honest with me. It seems like everyone is just tiptoeing around the subject, trying not to make me upset. I’ll never get past it if I don’t deal with it though. So, thank you.“

He returned my smile, though I could tell it was halfhearted. I knew he felt awful for telling me about Jimin, I could see it all over his face. But I wasn’t lying, I was glad I found out from him before Suran or Jackson told me. They were less than subtle about those kinds of things and tended to be very critical of Jimin right now. That was always hard for me to deal with.

“So, anyway, I’ve been apartment hunting this past week.” I switched the subject, Jimin being the last thing I wanted to discuss any further. I was here to talk to Jaebum, not talk about my ex and get emotional. I’d done that to him enough in the last few months.

“You have? Why am I just now hearing about it?” he whined, realizing what I was doing. “Eh, I didn’t really think about it, honestly.” he scoffed, eyes rolling.

“Didn’t think about it, my ass. You tell me everything.” I laughed, he was right, I did tell him everything, right down to what I ate most days.

“Okay, okay, I wanted to surprise you once I had my own place.” his eyebrow quirked, lips twitching into a smirk.

“What, were you going to give me a private show or something when you got your own place?“

My hands flew up to cover my crimson face. He was trying to lighten the mood, I knew that and yet he still made me blush.

“Oh my fucking GOD, Jaebum! Why are you like this?!” I shouted from behind my fingers, trying not to laugh as he laughed at me, clearly amused. “Because you make it so easy, Is!” I let my hands rest on my cheeks, huffing at him.

“Okay, I’m sorry. Tell me about the ones you’ve looked at so far.” he held up his hands in surrender, trying hard not to smile anymore. “You sure? It’s not that fascinating, at all.“

“You tell me when you’re going to pee, Isolde. Of course I’m sure, tell me! I’ll even help you pick.“

“You have terrible taste, there’s no way you’re helping me and I tell you because you blow up my phone until I answer you about why I’m ignoring you.“

“I resent that, on both accounts.” he pouted, his face scrunching cutely.

“Resent it all you want, I’m not wrong. For fucks sake, yesterday you had on a shirt that was covered in multicolored bananas and then informed me you needed to take a shit, then disappeared for 20 minutes.” I pointed out to him, sitting back up and pulling my computer into my lap.

“Hey, I like that fucking shirt and if you gotta go, you gotta go.“

“My point exactly.“

“Alright, alright, I get it. Just tell me about the damn apartments already."

"Fine, you win.”

Four hours later, I’m tucked in under my covers, phone in hand with facetime up. My computer had died and Jae insisted that he wasn’t done talking to me. So, here we were, staring at each other through yet another screen at one in the morning for me and five at night for him. I could feel my lids getting heavy, but I didn’t want to hang up.

After he told me about Jimin, he had made it a point to keep me distracted as long as possible, though I don’t think he realized I knew that. I didn’t want to hang up and have to go to bed thinking about him and his new girlfriend, how she was getting to do all the things I used to.

“You ready to go to bed yet?"

He asked me, he was also in his bed now, still shirtless with the covers pulled to his shoulders as he lay on his side.

"No. I want to keep talking.” I whispered, feeling as though I would burst into tears at any given moment.

“Is, it’s one in the morning there and you have to be up at seven.” he reasoned, his eyes roaming my face.

“I’m fine. I just want to talk to you."

"Okay, if that’s what you want, I can do that.” he rolled onto his back, holding the phone out in front of him, his bare chest on display. For some reason, it reminded me of Jimin and how he used to facetime me in the same way when he was on tour. It made my stomach turn, thinking of him doing that with her now.

“Jae?"

"Yes, Is?"

A single tear slid from my eye, landing onto my pillow as I looked at my wonderfully understanding friend.

"Is she pretty?”

I could tell he was surprised by my question, his eyes widening.

“What?”

“Is she pretty? I always imagined whoever he ended up with, would be as beautiful as he is.” Jaebum instantly sat up, bringing his phone closer to his face.

“I was never pretty enough to be with him. I tried to ignore what tabloids said about me or what the internet said, but I always saw them. They were right, too. I didn’t fit with him and I was just kidding myself the whole time. I hope he’s happy. I want him to be happy, that’s all I’ve ever wanted for him.” tears rained down from my gray eyes, too tired to even bother to wipe them away.

“Isolde, I need you to listen and I need you to listen good. Absolutely none of that is true. You are beautiful in every way imaginable, not just in your appearance. The fact that you just told me you hope that he’s happy, without a single ounce of malice in your voice, says a lot about you. Because, guess what, I don’t hope that he’s happy. I hope he’s fucking miserable without you, because that’s what he should be. I don’t care how shitty it sounds or that he’s even my friend. If it ever comes up when I see him, I’ll fucking tell him that myself, because he should know. He should know the way you stayed in bed for two weeks, crying, not eating and beating yourself up, thinking you’re not good enough. I watched all of that happen from the screen in front of me. And there wasn’t shit I could do about it, because you left to get away from it and all I could do is tell you it would be alright. I hope when he lies down next to her at night, all he can think about is you and how he fucked up the most perfect thing in his life. How he let go of someone as kind, gentle, selfless, funny and beautiful as you, all for the approval of his parents and his culture. He doesn’t deserve you, Isolde. He never did if it was that easy for him to just pretend the last three years weren’t important enough to push through the adversity. Fuck him, Is!"

When he finished, his face was red with anger, the veins in his neck protruding as he paced his room. My tears had stopped, completely taken aback by his emotional outburst.

"You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known, Isolde. As far as I’m concerned, she could be a fucking super model and still not even come close to you. I don’t know anyone else like you in this world and I guarantee, he doesn’t either."

"Jae-"

"I’m sorry, Is. I didn’t mean to go all crazy and shi-"

"Jae,” I stopped him, sitting up, pushing a stray hair away from my eyes. "thank you. I’ve never had anyone say that to me and thought they actually meant it. It’s one thing when Jackson or Suran do it, I know it’s out of love and they want me to feel better. But, you made me feel like it was true.“ he sat back down on his bed, Odd crawling into his lap as he did.

"It is true, Isolde. You deserve so much more than someone telling you the moon is yours. You deserve to able to hold it in your hand and FEEL, that it’s yours. You deserve someone like that and only that, no in between.” I felt myself smiling at the man who was idly petting his cat, avoiding eye contact with me.

“I miss you, Im Jaebum.” his eyes wandered up from his lap, finally meeting mine.

“I miss you more than even I, think I realized.” he let out a chuckle, taking his digits through his messy locks. “I think I’m ready to sleep now.” I confessed, that sick feeling now gone and replaced with another feeling I couldn’t quite place.

“Okay, get some rest please."

"I will, I promise. Kiss those babies for me.” he grinned, holding up Odd for me to see, attacking his kitten face with kisses that he did not appreciate.

“You know I will.” we just looked at each other, eyes locked. “I’ll talk to you in a few hours?” he questioned, eyebrows raising.

“Yes, I’ll be waiting.” he bit his lip before speaking with a low voice. “Goodnight, Isolde."

"Goodnight, Jaebum.”

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kimbapwrites · 7 years

Text

I Hate You || Im Youngmin

Summary: Countless fights, hateful glares and hostility were all that was exchanged between you and Youngmin since the beginning of freshman year due to a fiery competition for first place. After failing a math test, you are forced to be tutored by your red haired rival. Slowly, you feel hard feelings start to wash away and something a bit warmer replacing them.

Paring: Youngmin x Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff, High school AU

Word Count: 7.9k

A/N: HI~ First of all, 7.9k words, *chokes*. This was supposed to be a “short” scenario I don’t know what happened I’m so sorry. I also apologize about the long wait, I wasn’t able to write for a few days, but I hope the long story makes up for it! This is my first time writing a fanfiction so I’m not sure if I did it right, but I tried my best and I hope you guys enjoy ^^ If you have any suggestions or comments, let me know, I’d be happy to hear your thoughts :)

-Admin Michelle

The insides of your stomach churned as you anxiously bounced your legs, pupils shaking in fear as you glared at the paper sitting in front of you. This was the dreaded day you had been trying to avoid for the past week; the day that would decide if you lived or died:

The day the math test grades were announced.

All around you, commotion could be heard as your fellow classmates of your advanced math class discussed what number was marked at the top of their papers. You buried your face in your hands and made a quick, desperate prayer for your grade to be saved before finally turning over the paper.

68%

The number scribbled in red was enough to bring out loud sobs from your lips as you collapsed in your desk chair in despair. That’s it. I’m done for. Goodbye college. Goodbye top rank. Goodbye life. It was nice while it lasted.

Your mind was picking out what songs would be played at your funeral when a certain obnoxious voice interrupted your thoughts.

“Judging by your dying whale impersonation, I assume that you didn’t do too well on the test. Guess I’ll be keeping the first place rank after all.”

You lifted your head only to immediately glare at the smug boy in front of you;

Im Youngmin.

You stared into his eyes with as much hatred as your smaller body could muster, just as you had been doing since the first day of high school when you both vowed to be the best, thus forming a rivalry between you and the red haired boy. Throughout the tiring years, you and Youngmin have suffered through a multitude of advanced classes together and fought for the top rank, which constantly switched between the two of you. The fiery competition arose tension and multiple feuds to occur every day, and today was no exception. Currently, Youngmin held the prestigious title of first place and was not afraid to rub it in your face that he would be keeping it due to the poor grade you just received.

“Shut up Youngmin before I punch that smirk off your face. Is your memory so bad that you forgot that I know Taekwondo?” You replied as you crossed your arms. A smirk that matched the obnoxiousness of Youngmin’s overtook your face.

Youngmin scoffed at your attempt to be intimidating. “Barely. You took it when you were 5 and quit after a week because it was too hard. Just like you should quit trying to get first place because we all know that I’ll always be better than you.” Despite now hating each other’s guts, you and Youngmin had been close since childhood and were once inseparable. You knew everything about each other, whether you wanted to or not.

You took a step closer to him. “Alright listen Alpaca Boy, 1) I could still very easily kick your butt to space and back and 2) The only reason you’re first place now is because I spent more time volunteering at the cat shelter because I’m a good person unlike you.”

He took a step closer to you. “Alpaca Boy? Wow, that’s soooo creative. I mean, I shouldn’t be surprised since that’s probably the best your second place mind can think of.”

The space between you two was now less than a foot. “Actually, I’m very creative. That’s why I won the best writing award every year and oh, that’s right, you didn’t.”

Six inches. “Okay, fine, I’ll admit that. but remind me again, who aced the math test and who failed? Hm?”

That was it. “Come here! I’m gonna tear that dyed black hair out of your big head!” You pounced on him and him at you, ready to tear each other into pieces when you felt a pair of strong arms pull you away.

“KIDS. THAT’S ENOUGH.” Teacher Seokhoon’s deep voice rang through your ears and ended the heated up feud. “Jesus Christ, you guys do this every day. It’s like trying to tame wild monkeys I swear.” He shook his head while you and Youngmin calmed your heavy breaths. “Is first place really worth it?”

“YES.” You and Youngmin simultaneously turned and shouted in reply.

All Teacher Seokhoon could do was sigh. He turned his back to you and began walking to his large mahogany desk, expecting you and the other honors student to follow. On the way there, you and Yongmin walked side by side through the narrow aisles, your glare at him never faltering.

Once there,you all sat around Teacher Seokhoon’s desk and he began talking. “You two have been fighting every day for the past three years and quite frankly, I’m tired of it. And you guys probably are too. So, I’ve been thinking and I’ve come up with a plan to hopefully make you guys hate each other less.” You and Youngmin looked at each other, confusion and disgust in both set of eyes already.

“You’re both probably aware that, Y/N, you basicaly failed the last math test.” You lowered your had in shame but from the corner of your eye, you could see Youngmin lightly chuckle. It took all of your power not to punch that obnoxious smirk off his face right at that moment, as you decided that would only make things worse. “I don’t know what happened, but if you want to be contender for valedictorian next year, it can’t happen again,”

Oh no, please don’t say what I think you’re going to say.

“Therefore, I’ve decided that, instead of giving you both detentions for the fights in class, Youngmin will tutor you for the time being until you understand everything again.”

Oh God, he said what I thought he was going to say.

You opened your mouth, an entire list of reasons why you shouldn’t have to be tortured like that about to spew from your lips, but was silenced by Youngmin beating you to it.

“But sir! I don’t deserve to be punished like that! Send me to detention, make me clean the bathrooms, heck, give me an F, but don’t make me tutor her please I’m begging you!” The black haired student cried out in agony as he bowed down in front of the teacher.

Another wave of hate for the boy came over you as you thought about the audacity he had to go so far as to beg so he wouldn’t have to work with you. If anything, it should be you complaining about being stuck with his arrogant self. While he was still in his kneeling position, you kicked him on his side, sending him face first into the ground. A scoff and giggle that you weren’t even sorry for came out of your mouth, earning you a hateful glare from Youngmin.

Before the fight could intensify again, Teacher Seokhoon cleared his voice and shook his head with disapproval at yours and Youngmin’s childish ways. “This is exactly what I mean. You guys are juniors in high school now but you act like five year olds fighting over who gets the last sticker, it’s unbelievable. My decision is set. Youngmin, you will tutor Y/N every day after school until the final. And every time I see you two bickering I will add another study session until you finally get along. Do you understand?”

You and Youngmin looked at each other for the last time before sealing your fates, the hate slightly subsided but still there. Knowing that you had no choice in this matter, you both sighed before shaking your heads in defeat. “Y Teacher Seokhoon, we understand.”

With that one sentence, the conversation was over and the tutoring sessions were final. After giving a hostile handshake to Youngmin, you turned to go to your own group of friends, who you figured were waiting in the lunchroom.

What you failed to notice though, was Youngmin smiling to himself as he watched you leave the quiet classroom.

“I hate him I hate him I hate him,” You said as you angrily bit into the sandwich that you stole from your childhood best friend, Daniel. “I mean, who does he think he is? Begging to get away from me? Pft, it should be the other way around.”

It was currently the end of the day and you and Daniel were in the school’s library waiting for Youngmin to appear and your suffering to begin. Hidden behind a shelf of books in the fiction section, Daniel was listening to you rant about the unfairness of your punishment while you ate his leftover lunch. Daniel was the closest and longest friend that you had. He was there when you and Youngmin used to spend hours a day just wandering the neighborhood as kids and he was there when the rivalry and hate between you and the red head began. Daniel always saw how drained you’d become after overworking yourself to beat Youngmin and wanted more than anything for the feuding to stop. He wanted you to be happy, not constantly fighting to be the best because he already thought you were perfect.

After listening to your rant, Daniel hesitantly said “You know, I don’t think this tutoring thing is a bad idea. I mean, he’s really good at math and can help you. Plus spending so much time with him might make you realize that he’s not actually so bad of a guy.” He waited for your response, but all he got was silence and an incredulous stare filled with disappointment.

“Wow, I feel betrayed. After fifteen years of friendship I thought that you would be on my side, not defending the person who’s been an arrogant jerk to me for the past three years. Alright, I see how it is.” You said as you turned your back to him, deciding to eat your own lunch instead of the person’s who just back stabbed you. Daniel sighed.

“Y/N, I’m not betraying you, I’m just saying that Youngmin’s actually not as bad as you think he is. We’re on the dance team together and he’s always smiling and kind to everyone. He does this thing called the ‘Alpaca Dance’ and it’s hilarious.” Daniel said with a shrug, taking a sip of your banana milk. “He’s nice to everyone else, I don’t understand why he’s only a jerk to you.”

You set your food down. You didn’t understand it either. You and Youngmin used to be so close before; one would never go anywhere without the other. Then when high school started, everything changed without warning. You had assumed that it was just because you both wanted to be number one, but listening to Daniel, you began to wonder if maybe it was something deeper than that. Now it was your turn to sigh. “I don’t know why either.”

Thinking of possible reasons for Youngmin’s attitude towards you, Daniel added “Hm. Maybe he likes you?”

You choked on your sandwich. Your chest involuntarily leaned forward as your lungs produced a series of cackling coughs, Daniel patted your back as a string of apologies left his mouth.

You drank the rest of your sweet drink and took deep breaths to calm down before answering, “HA. That’s funny. That was a great joke Daniel thanks for making me almost choke because of it. But really, that’s not possible. All Youngmin thinks of me as is an annoying competitor.” You said, your heart stinging a little bit by your own words. Before you could get too caught up in your feelings and what the slight pain meant, you heard an all too familiar voice come up from behind, startling you.

“I heard my name?” Youngmin said, causing you to scream and Daniel to shove his hands over your mouth in an attempt to silence you.

“Jesus Christ Youngmin you scared me. Knock next time, would you.” You said as you put your hand on your chest, trying to calm your erratic heartbeat. Youngmin and Daniel laughed at your frightened state, earning them one of your death stares.

“Alright, well I’ll leave you guys alone for your study session. Have fun and please, try not to kill each other.” Daniel announced after packing his things and getting up from his spot next to you on the library floor so the redhead could replace him. He and Youngmin did their fistbump, causing you to frown at their closeness. Before leaving, Daniel ruffled your hair, a common act of affection between you two, and gave you a look that you knew meant behave. While you were replying in your own facial expression that translated to alright, mom, you didn’t notice the slight look of disappointment on Youngmin’s face. As quickly as it appeared though, it faded back to the smug look he constantly wore in your presence.

“Should we go to the tables? Or are you incapable of getting up after eating all those snacks?” Youngmin asked, amusement in his voice at his own insult. You scoffed.

“Oh, screw you, Im Youngmin.” You began packing your stuff up, including your precious snacks, and put your backpack on. Instinctively, you lifted your arms out as a call for help and waited for Youngmin to assist you. You watched as he stared at you, unsure of what to do. Hesitantly, he placed his hands on yours and pulled you up. You realized that this was first physical contact he’s had with you for years that wasn’t intended to be bothersome. Okay, maybe he isn’t so bad after all.

You wiped any dust off of your skirt with your hands and was about to say a quick thanks when Youngmin opened his mouth and said “Dang, you’re really heavy. I bet an elephant is lighter than you.”

Never mind. Once a jerk, always a jerk.

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with.” You said as you rushed past him to get to the tables, purposely shoving him a bit with your big bag of textbooks. Behind you, you heard Youngmin softly chuckle.

You looked at the red haired boy sitting next to you against the brick wall of the school and rolled your eyes in annoyance. Jerk… You thought.

You had been studying in the library with Youngmin, trying to digest today’s lesson that you were struggling with. Already being frustrated, it didn’t help your patience when Youngmin couldn’t contain his sarcastic, mocking comments for one moment to actually help you with your homework. After thirty frustrating minutes of not understanding what the boy in front of you was saying, you had decided you had enough and that was when you burst. Closing your eyes, you replayed the argument that happened just a few minutes ago.

“I DON’T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THIS WHAT THE HECK IS THE FUNDAMENTAL THEOREM OF CALCULUS AND HOW THE HECK DO YOU APPLY IT.” You shouted at Youngmin from across the study table, homework and textbooks pages long forgotten as the only thing you were focusing on at the moment was how to murder the student and math problem in front of you.

“YOU JUST REPLACE ALL H’S WITH X IT’S NOT THAT HARD STOP BEING STUPID.” Youngmin yelled back, equally as frustrated and annoyed that you couldn’t seem to understand anything.

“WELL MAYBE IF YOU WERE A BETTER TEACHER I WOULD HAVE GOTTEN IT BY NOW. AND DON’T CALL ME STUPID, STUPID.” You stood up and crossed your arms in defense, challenging him to fight back with you, which of course, he did.

“FINE, DUMBASS. AND MAYBE IF YOU WERE A BETTER STUDENT I WOULDN’T HAVE TO BE TEACHING YOU.” Youngmin copied the stance you had and looked down at you with angered eyes since he was a quite a few inches taller. If you stood on your tippy-toes though, you figured you could punch his head off.

“SHUT UP YOU BARELY UNDERSTOOD THE CONCEPT TOO. YOUR MOM TOLD ME YOU CRIED TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT THE INTEGRAL IS.” You heard him scoff as he leaned closer to you, a habit of his he always did when he was trying to intimidate someone.

“FIRST OF ALL, YOU SHUT UP AND-”

“BOTH OF YOU SHUT UP AND GET OUT. THIS IS A LIBRARY NOT A SCREAMING ZOO.” You both froze at the chilling shriek of the old librarian who was fed up with the commotion you and Youngmin were causing with your fight. You had never seen her anywhere else besides her desk with her pointy nose in a book, but now she had walked over to you two and was physically shoving you out the wooden doors of the quiet study place. With nowhere to go, you and Youngmin simply sat against the front entrance of the door, still fuming about what happened.

“That was your fault,” You said to him with a scowl.

“As if. I wasn’t the one who started screaming first, now was I,” He replied without even looking at you. He leaned his head back against the wall, his hoodie covering his closed eyes.

“Shut up,” You said as you followed his pose. You were too tired to fight any longer and you assumed he was too. You sat in silence as you looked at the graying sky, a feeling of sadness washing over you. You replayed part of your conversation with Daniel earlier. “Maybe he likes you?” Yeah right. There was no way he would like someone who fought with him every second of the day, especially when he constantly had a swarm of girls fawning over him wherever he went. They showered him with praise and love, you attacked him with sarcastic comments and screaming. Not that you were disappointed though, you didn’t think you had any feelings for your red haired rival. Just as you were drowning in your thoughts, a light droplet of water fell upon your face and spread coldness throughout your body. It was beginning to rain.

You opened your mouth, about to share your discovery about the upcoming weather with Youngmin but he once again beat you to it.

“It’s gonna rain soon. I think we should go somewhere else.” He was now looking at you with eyes you had never seen from him before. They were a calm brown and held an emotion that you couldn’t decipher. You tried to read his face, but after so many years of just yelling at it, it was like reading hieroglyphics.

“Hm. Guanlin is working at a cafe a few blocks down. We could go there and, if we beg really hard, he might hook us up with some free coffee and snacks.” You said, raising an eyebrow as you turned to glance at Youngmin. He nodded in agreement and soon, you were both up with your backpacks and ready to go.

The trip to the cafe was mostly uneventful as you and Youngmin walked side by side in silence, you lost in your thoughts and Youngmin in the music that was playing through his earbuds. You watched the light rain fall upon the surrounding nature and drizzle it with dew. Most people prefer sunny days and clear blue skies but to you, this was the best weather. It was calming and never failed to make you feel serene.

Memories of jumping the rain with Youngmin as a child began playing through your head and suddenly, you found your eyes trailing to the red haired boy beside you. This was the first time since high school started that you and Youngmin have been peaceful around each other and you had to admit, it was pretty nice. You looked at his features and thought about how much he matured physically. You looked at his perfect red hair and doe eyes and had to admit that even though you hated his guts, he was handsome. You could see why girls chased after him in the halls. You were forced out of your analyzation of his face though when Youngmin noticed you staring and turned to you.

“What? Do I have something on my face?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, something you taught him to do in middle school.

“Nah, just ugliness. But that’s always been there.” You replied with a smug look as you returned to admiring the scenery around you. You felt him shove you a bit with his arms before scoffing and putting his earbud back in. You laughed.

You were halfway to the cafe when you realized that you should have listened to Daniel when he told you to bring a jacket earlier; it was freezing now due to the constant rain. In an attempt to lessen your shivering, you rubbed your bare arms with your hands trying to generate some warmth.

“Geez, it’s cold,” You said to no one in particular. Thinking that Youngmin couldn’t hear you due to the music he was listening to, you continued walking while gritting your teeth. We’re almost there, you told yourself. In the middle of your thoughts, you felt a sweater being laid over your shoulders and a blanket of warmth encompassing you.

You froze in your tracks. Stunned, you looked up with wide eyes at the redhead beside you. Youngmin was looking at the ground, refusing to meet your eyes, as he rubbed his neck in awkwardness. His hoodie that he had on before was now on you instead and revealed the embarrassingly adorable shirt he was wearing underneath that had an alpaca with a bowtie on it. You couldn’t help but laugh.

Your sudden laughter surprised Youngmin and he met your joyful eyes, confusion evident on his face.

“Thanks Alpaca Boy for the sweater.” You said in between a fit of giggles while pointing at his shirt. His ears lit up red like a Christmas tree and his hurriedly covered his torso with your arms, only intensifying your enjoyment at his flustered state.

“S-shut up,” He said as he turned away and speedily walked the rest of the way to the cafe, you trailing behind with a series of teasing remarks about your new favorite shirt of his. Your giggling and his shouts for you to be quiet became music that filled the surrounding neighborhood.

After you finally arrived at the cafe, you said hello to Guanlin, who was a mutual friend to the two of you, and begged him to give you some snacks. Being a stubborn byeongari, he agreed after you both gave something in return. For you, it was doing his Korean homework for him for a week and for Youngmin, it was rap lessons after school. Once settling down on sofa seats in a quiet, secluded area of the cafe located near the back, you and Youngmin spent two hours working on your homework assignment for the night together. Currently, he was quizzing you on the different vocabulary words you would need to know for the next test.

“Okay, so what’s an asymptote?” Youngmin asked as he took a sip of vanilla latte.

“A line or curve that the graph of a relation approaches more and more closely the further the graph is followed.” You immediately responded, proud of yourself afterwards for remembering. You took a bite of your banana bread. “Next question.”

“What’s a piecewise continuous function?” Youngmin now leaned back in the cafe’s sofa, a smirk on his face as he expected you not to know. “It’s fine if you don’t know-”

“Shut up and wipe that smirk off your face before I punch it off. I know this. It’s a function made up of a finite number of continuous pieces. They may not have the vertical asymptotes and the only possible types of discontinuities are removable and step discontinuities. Told you I knew this.” You said, smug once seeing the look of surprise on Youngmin’s face when you got the answer right.

“Wow, you’re really understanding this. I’m surprised, maybe you’re not as dumb as I thought.” Youngmin teased.

“Be quiet, Alpaca Boy,” You said, amusement in your voice as you teased him with his new nickname. He glared at you in return.

“Sigh, you know, I wish I could use all of these physic terms we’re learning to perfectly knock those round glass off Teacher Seokhoon’s face so he wouldn’t be able to see, and therefore teach.” You said as you grabbed Youngmin’s latte and took a sip. It was a familiar action between you two, something you used to do without any thought back in middle school before things fell apart. You paused, realizing what the action meant and waited for Youngmin to start yelling at you. However, he only watched you share his drink calmly and with a small smile. You realize his thoughts were probably the same as yours before. You set his drink down in front of him again and switched to your own despite the fact that you didn’t like it as much.

“Yeah same. Like, calculate how much force we need for our fist to make directly contact with a point on his glasses and knock it off without touching the rest of his face. Let’s start a petition to make this a graded assignment.” You and Youngmin laughed at his comment, thinking of the possibility of punching your teacher in the face.

Youngmin watched as your eyes disappeared into joyful crescents and giggles escaped your pink lips. He watched as you threw your head back in laughter that filled the room. He would never tell you this, but he loved it when you smiled. Your laugh was his favorite music in the entire world because it always lightened whatever mood he was in. It was infectious. He wished he could he could watch you be happy more and participate in creating those smiles and laughs he loved so much, but whenever you two met, all that seemed to be produced was glares and scowls. Knowing that your joy wouldn’t last much longer with him, he simply took in the moment before him.

When you finally calmed down, you said “That was funny, wow. I didn’t know there was a sense of humor in you, Im Youngmin,” Earning you a small chuckle and teasing glare from the male. The room was quiet again except for the buzzing of the coffee machines and soft music playing through the speakers. However, instead of the quiet tension that was usually between you and Youngmin, you sat in a comfortable silence as you just, for the first time in forever, enjoyed each other’s company.

You looked outside the window by your seats. After you had arrived in the cafe, the rain came back in full force and it was currently pouring outside. You looked on fondly as you watched a pair of children run into the streets jump in the puddles, much to their parent’s disapproval. You missed the times when you could be that carefree and have fun with friends without worrying about a test the next day or colleges to apply to. You missed the times when you could play with Youngmin without fighting over first place a second after. You listened to the pitter patter of the rain hitting the pavement and thought about how close you and Youngmin used to be for the hundredth time that day.

“Remember when we would play like that when we were younger?” Youngmin asked as if reading your thoughts. You turned to the red haired boy and realized that he had moved so he was now sitting next to you. His face held a fond smile as he reminisced on the past with you. “God, our parents got so mad when we came home soaking wet.”

You laughed as you recalled your mother’s angered expression as she scolded you and Youngmin for getting your clothes wet. You and the redhead didn’t care though, you were kids and you had fun. That was all that mattered.

“Yeah, oh my gosh she was furious. Oh! Do you also remember when…”

For the rest of the night, you and Youngmin reminisced on your old adventures together, laughing at the stories of your childhood stupidity that you shared with the red haired boy. Hot drinks turned cold and treats stale as they sat forgotten on the cafe’s table, the only thing mattering to you and Youngmin was the good times you had as kids. Around you, life continued on. People bustled in and out of the cafe, leaving to attend meetings that would shape their future after receiving their coffee, but you couldn’t care less. For once, you weren’t worrying about your future and college, instead, you were enjoying the present and past with the male in front of you. Before you knew it, Guanlin was coming up to your seat in the back of the cafe and begging you to leave, as it was already closing time.

You looked at the time on your phone. 9:52PM. Although it didn’t feel like it, you had been with Youngmin for the past six hours. Looking at the boy, you realized that this was the longest time since high school began that you and Youngmin had been in each other’s company and not wanted to tear each other apart. In the cafe, you weren’t two rivals who wanted to the other to disappear so they could be first place, but close friends who were reminiscing on old memories. Instead of counting down the minutes until you could leave like you thought you would be, you were enjoying the time with Youngmin and having fun. In fact, you only wished for the clock to turn slower so you could be with him longer because you knew that tomorrow, everything would return to how it was before. Although, you sort of hoped that it wouldn’t be. Before you could get caught up in your thoughts, you heard Youngmin clear his throat and ask you if you had a ride home.

“Uh, yeah. I’ll just call Daniel to come pick me up.” You said as you opened your message chat with him. You had expected a few messages from him earlier, but what you got was an entire spam.

Cat Boy - 4:03PM

Where are u??

Cat Boy - 4:10PM

Is everything ok?

Cat Boy - 4:33PM

Plz tell me ur not responding bc u and YM r getting along not bc ur killing each other

Cat Boy - 5:42PM

Y/N I lost my cat answer me rn

Cat Boy - 5:43PM

Help me my cats are everything i need them to be able to live

Cat Boy - 6:01PM

Ok I didnt lose Rooney I just wanted u to respond

Cat Boy - 6:27PM

OooOOOOOOooO r u and YM are doing something alone that takes a lot of privacy and time ;))))

Cat Boy - 8:52PM

But rlly where r u and y is it taking so long Peter misses u T^T

Cat Boy - 9:43PM

hELLo???????????????? iS U DeAd

Sighing, you sent a reply.

Me - 9:54PM

Geez yes I’m fine nothing happened you perv I’m alive can you pick me up? I’m at the cafe Guanlin works at

Not a second later you felt a slight buzz, signaling Daniel’s reply. Dang, the boy is fast.

Cat Boy - 9:54PM

I THOUGHT YOU DIED YOU ARE THE WORST TEXTER EVER OF COURSE I’LL BE THERE IN 5

You laughed at the dancer’s overuse of capitalization and put your phone away, returning your attention the boys in front of you. Guanlin had finished his shift and was now sitting by Youngmin, talking to him about the dance team they were both on with Daniel. While you were listening to their conversation about whether or not they should incorporate a move your friends Seonho and Daehwi created into their choreography, you saw Daniel come in his car that you called the Cat Mobile to take you home. You waved to him as he walked into the cafe, ruffling your hair in greeting. While your head was down, you notice Youngmin shift uncomfortable in his seat at the gesture.

“Oh hey guys. Youngmin, glad to see you and Y/N didn’t murder each other.” He teased and you kicked him in the shin.

“Yah, I’m an angel I would never hurt a fly,” You said, feigning innocence as you did a flower pose and smiled. Around you, you heard three boys scoff while Daniel rubbed his bruising leg.

“Sure you are. Anyway, let’s go home. Bye Youngmin, bye Guanlin, see you guys at practice tomorrow,” The brown haired boy said kindly to his friends. With that, you waved to Guanlin, stuck your tongue out at Youngmin, who did the gesture back to you, and linked your arms with Daniel’s while you walked to his car. As you turned around, you caught a quick glimpse of Youngmin frown while staring at your arms hooked around Daniel’s.

When you got in the car, you pressed play on your favorite song and opened Snapchat to play with the silly filters. In the middle of your selfie session, you got a message from a number that you hadn’t contacted in years. As you opened the text, you felt your heart swell up and heat rush to your cheeks.

Im Youngmin - 10:03PM

Today wasn’t actually wasn’t that bad. It was nice hanging out with you again. See you tomorrow. Good night.

Since that day at the cafe, you felt something between you and Youngmin begin to shift. Of course you would still argue, there are some things about people that would never change, but the fights lessened and usually ended in playful teasing and laughter. In your heart, you felt the hatred for him start to melt away and be replaced by something new, though you weren’t exactly sure what that new feeling was. You no longer grimaced whenever his name was brought into a conversation, instead, you felt your heartbeat speed up and a smile form on your face. Studying sessions were a time for you two to talk about anything and everything and soon, it became what you looked forward to most in the day.

Slowly as the days went on, Youngmin’s chair inched its way towards yours until it was no longer across from you on the other side of the desk, but right next to you; his arm against your own as he leaned to look at your homework. The cafe you took refuge in from the rain the first day soon became a regular place for you to visit, the red haired boy usually right beside you in that secluded space in the back of the coffee shop. After tutoring ended, you would go to his studio with him and admire as he poured his soul out into his dance movies and wish that you could be that passionate about something too. On days that you were piled with homework, Youngmin would come over to your house and suffer with you as he explained the things that you didn’t understand, much to your parent’s pleasure. They, like everyone else in school, was happy to see you two as friends again. You got used to seeing his smile every day as you he walked with you through the halls, laughing about something else that Woojin mispronounced and was happy to share a story of Daniel and his cats in return. Every night, you could always expect hours of message exchanging with the red haired boy and a “good night :)” when you both decided to sleep before the morning sun peeked from behind the night sky. It was as if you were brought back to the times in the past when you and Youngmin were each other’s closest friends, except the only difference was you had both grown, and you couldn’t be happier.

Except for right now. Right now you wanted to strangle the red haired boy standing in front of you.

Ever since that afternoon in the cafe, you and Youngmin had been friends that could rely on each other for everything. You would talk everyday about anything that bothered you and you thought that he would trust you enough to do the same. You found that all to be false though after the last bell rang, signaling the end of the math final.

You had been waiting for Youngmin by the classroom door, anxious to tell the smart rapper about your answers on the test when, before you could even say hi, he simply brushed past you with his head down. You looked on incredulous and hurt, but decided that he must be in a bad mood. You spent the lunch period too distracted to listen to your friend group’s conversation and afterwards searched around the halls for him, only to learn that he left home early because he wasn’t feeling well. For the next few days, you looked for him in school and the cafe, even dropping by his house, only for him to be nowhere to be found. You worried about his well being and wondered if he was still eating right, but the darn jerk didn’t even care enough about your hurting heart to reply to your text messages that you knew he read.

After a week of absence, he was finally back in school and acted as if he was never gone. The red haired boy that squirmed his way into your heart was laughing and joking with his friends as usual, his eyes curling into the crescents you realized you loved seeing. You were glad to see him healthy and okay, but was furious at how nonchalant he was being. Did you feelings really not matter at all to him? Wanting an answer to his avoidance, you went to the dance practice room where you knew he would be and confronted him, but all he did was remain silent.

You glared at the boy in front of you with as much hate as you could, something that you hadn’t done in what felt like forever. After weeks of purely joy around him, the hostility coming from you both felt foreign. You wanted it to disappear and warmth from his arms to replace it, but was too angered by his refusal to speak.

“Youngmin, answer me. Why did you disappear for a week without telling anyone.” All he did was shift onto his other foot, his eyes finding more interest in the pattern of the floors than you.

You tried again. “Did you forget how to talk? Come on, just answer me please.” Still nothing from his part. Getting frustrated, you rolled your eyes and crossed your arms. You took a breath and opened your mouth, preparing to yell.

“Youngmin-”

“What! Why do you care so much! God, Y/N leave me alone! I didn’t talk to you because I didn’t want to alright. Geez, you’re being really annoying.” The rapper finally spoke, but it was out of anger and frustration at your nosiness. You gave him a blank stare.

“I’m being annoying?” You asked, hurt and confused as to why was mad at you when you did nothing wrong. You felt a new wave of irritation washing over you.

“Yes. So can you just leave me alone now? I have better things to do.” With a huff, Youngmin turned his back to you and began walking to the door. You could have just let him leave and your newly reconciled friendship end, but your stubbornness wouldn’t let you. Youngmin was too important to you now to let him just leave your life again. You ran up to him and grabbed his wrist, preventing him from leaving. He froze at your touch, but still didn’t turn around to face you.

Not letting go of his arm, you started talking. “So that’s it huh. We just became close again and you’re just gonna leave me?” You looked at the floor, your eyes threatening to spill tears that you didn’t know you would shed. You waited for his reply, but all you got was silence.

“You’re just gonna walk back into my life, become one of the most important people to me, and then ignore me forever?” His refusal to answer to you when you were spilling your heart out to him angered you. You looked at his unmoving state and wanted to punch him just so he would at least talk. Letting your tears fall, you continued.

“If you hated me that much you should have just continued being a jerk to me instead of lending me your sweatshirt when it was raining and actually caring about me. You shouldn’t have made me laugh and worry about you when you were gone and instead just yell at me for being a stupid idiot like you have been all these years. You should have stayed out of my life when you walked out of it in the beginning of high school-”

“That’s not why I started fighting with you.” Youngmin said, cutting off your loud sobs as he turned around to face you, a stream of tears running down his own face. You were silenced by the painful expression he had on his face, something you had never seen before. You wanted more than anything to wipe it away. “That’s not why I started fighting with you…”

“Then why? Why, Youngmin? Why did you-”

“BECAUSE I LIKED YOU. Because I couldn’t go a day without thinking about you and your smile. Because every time you came near me I would feel my breath get caught in my chest. Because every time I saw you with Daniel, I felt jealous, hurt, and pathetic because he could express his feelings to you and I couldn’t. I started fighting with you to get rid of these stupid feelings and finally move on and guess what Y/N, I thought it was actually starting to work. I thought I was starting to feel sane again until that freaking day in the cafe when you looked more beautiful than ever staring at the rain and we relived our old memories together that were filled with love for you on my part but nothing back from you. I realized that I could never get over you because you never let me, you kept crawling back into my heart when I knew that I was locked out of yours. And it hurt Y/N. It really hurt… That’s why I left for a week - it was because I was scared of these feelings that I had for you that just wouldn’t leave me alone even though you had none. I left because I liked you. Because I still do.”

A deafening silence filled the empty room as you stood with your mouth agape at the genuine words the red haired boy that you had grown warm to just spoke. Through your tears, you looked at Youngmin’s face that still looked so handsome even after crying, and tried to search for any amusement, any sign that showed he was just kidding and would say in a second ha, I got you while he laughed at your gullibility. Your heart felt conflicted however when the only thing you found was pain and sincerity.

He was being serious. Youngmin had liked you all of these years, and you were too caught up in your own world and your own competitiveness to notice. You wanted to punch yourself when you reflected on all the fleeting looks of disappointment that would appear on the male’s face whenever Daniel slung his arm over your shoulders, or all the smiles and slight blushes Youngmin would have whenever you did the same to him. You looked back and lost count of all the times that you stared into Youngmin’s beautiful eyes and felt the incredible warmth of his love, but only pushed it deep down because there was no way you were in love with your best friend. But that’s exactly what you were. And that’s exactly what he was. You realized that all the fights were just simply excuses to talk to one another while pushing your feelings deep down out of denial. Your mind flashed back to the walking in the rain when Youngmin gave you his hoodie. At the time, you took it as simply a friendly gesture, but now you knew it was something more. It was something deeper than friendship and a thousand times more painful, and it was exactly what you were experiencing too. You remembered the feeling of your heart skipping beats whenever you heard the rapper’s adorable voice and all the moments your face resembled the color of this hair that you loved to stroke your hands through whenever you felt his arm against your own in the library. You cared about Youngmin so much when he was gone, not because you were just worried about his health, but because felt empty when he wasn’t by your side. After hearing Youngmin pour his heart out to you, you realized that the reason your heart ached was because you felt the same. You liked Youngmin. And he liked you.

You trailed your eyes up to meet the boy’s in front of you. His dark chocolate orbs that never left your crying form were glistening with the tears that he contained for years, looking at you with desperation for you to say something, anything. But you couldn’t, you didn’t know what to say.

So you hugged him.

You wrapped your arms around his strong torso and let his shirt be blanket for your tears to fall. Immediately, you felt his arms wrap around your waist and his head rest against your own. You could feel the warmth and love emanating from every inch of his body and leaned further into him, thankful for his presence. You stayed like that until your breaths mixed into one and your hearts were beating to the same rhythm. Finally, you spoke.

“You’re an idiot, you know that Youngmin?” You closed your eyes as you smiled. Around you, you could hear students rushing through the halls to get to their next class but for you, time was still in Youngmin’s arms. You didn’t want to leave, and it didn’t seem like he did either. You felt the boy that took over your heart begin to gently sway the both of you and you sighed in content. “I like you too, if you couldn’t tell from the constant teasing.” You heard the male laugh.

“You know if that’s your way of flirting, you’re gonna end up alone forever. My shins are still bruised from all those kicks.” Youngmin said and you proved his breaking the hug and punching him lightly in the arm. Your smile never left your face as you told him to shut up and retracted back into his arms, your new favorite place to be.

“So, does this mean that we’re dating now?” You hesitantly asked as you pulled away from him slightly to look into his eyes. You could feel the doubtfulness and fear swirling in your orbs as you waited for his answer. The red haired male showed you that you had nothing to worry about though when a second later, his eyes lit up like the twinkling stars in the sky and he brought you back into your arms, causing you to melt at his touch. You felt a fluttering in your heart at the gesture when Youngmin opened his mouth and said, “Of course. You’re the only person in my heart, babe.”

You shoved him away as you laughed at his teasing. “Ew you’re gross never mind. I hate you, Im Youngmin.”

After you finished your laughing fit, you looked up at the rapper that etched his name into your heart with playful teasing and soft gestures and saw a smile warmer than a blazing fire placed on his face.

A second later, you heard Youngmin say “I love you too.”

198 notes · View notes

doyueng · 7 years

Text

Lucky Star

Word Count: ~1800

Pairing: Sehun/Reader

Notes: ceo! au // strong language

don’t cry tonight after the darkness passes, baby don’t cry tonight it’ll become as if it never happened

You stumble out of the bar, dragging your heels and bag behind you. Your disheveled hair reeks of vodka and mixed cocktails, the smell making you gag every second. It’s 2am on a Tuesday night, and you’re wasted on the empty streets, jobless and abandoned.

The alcohol-suppressed memories dance around your hazy mind, and any recollection of the atrocity that happened this afternoon makes you sick. You wobble through the dark, empty path only lit by a flickering yellow street lamp near the end. Somewhere down the line, your legs give in, and you collapse onto the cold graphite road, making your exposed thighs shiver. You wince and groan, pulling yourself onto the wall of a nearby store, which closed hours ago.

“Just my fucking luck,” you curse at your phone, whose screen remain lifeless. You throw your head back onto the wall and stare at the swirling buildings. How can someone lose everything in one night?

The world spins before your eyes, your head pounding and face burning. You immediately regret drinking this much again, and in all honestly, you just want everything to stop. This only adds onto your despair, and now you undeniably have hit rock bottom.

Your eyelids fail you, and drag you into a drunken slumber. At this point, all you want to do is sleep. For as long as possible.

A lone black car makes an abrupt stop right on the side of the road. The tinted passenger window rolls down slowly, and the man peers at your pitiful state. He pushes up his thin black-rimmed glasses before letting out a small sigh.

“One second. I’ll be back,” he addresses the driver.

“Yes, sir.”

He steps out of the shiny car, which looks more expensive than everything you own and all the money you’ve ever earned in your life, combined. His suit is tailored perfectly to his broad proportions, and his hair is smoothly slicked back.

He looms over your sleeping figure. “Hey. Clumsy girl. Why are you sleeping here?” The pungent smell of alcohol float towards him, causing him to hold his nose shut. He grimaces for a good minute before looking back at you. “For the love of God…”

He kneels down next to you, creasing his dress shoes, and picks up your limp body with ease. Your face rests his strong chest and your heels clatter down to the ground as he lifts you up. The chauffeur rushes out of the car, opening the back door for the two of you, and retrieves your fallen shoes.

“Hey. Wake up.” You hear a muffled voice calling out to you. “Come on, wake up.” The voice starts to become clearer, but you aren’t having any of it. You swim back into dreamland. “Y/N!” You feel your body shake slightly, and the sound of your name rings loud and clear.

You peel your eyes open slowly, frowning and groaning at your massive headache. A blurred figure sits before you, and it takes a while before your vision adjusts to the brightness.

Your eyes snap open and you pull back on instinct. “M-Mr. Oh?” you croak. Your hangover is now the least of your worries. The CEO of the company you used to work for up until yesterday is sitting on the side of the bed, which you can only assume to be his, and looking at you with tired eyes. It’s a bit of a shock seeing him out of his business attire, only wearing a white tee and gray sweatpants. Needless to say, he is still looking good with his plain clothes and glasses off.

“Ah, clumsy girl, are you finally conscious?” he waves his hand above you twice, before breaking into a relieved smile. You blink a few times, making sure this wasn’t some type of weird ass dream. “Oh. And before you start having dirty thoughts, my maids changed your clothes.” You peek under the covers, only to see a navy blue tee. “And for the record, you threw up all over my car.” He seems to cringe at the putrid memory.

You facepalm and want to immediately jump into a hole. “I-I’m sorry…” you mumble. Just the thought of it makes you red as a tomato. “D-did you-”

“Yes. I picked you up from the streets.” He stands up and walks to the door. “I’ll get you some water.” He whispers something through open door.

“Thank you,” you declare shyly, not knowing what else to say. You don’t know how you’ll ever pay him back, especially not at the state you’re in right now. He senses this, and sits back down on the bed.

“You can start by telling me what happened last night, clumsy girl,” he snickers. Ah. That nickname. You started working at the company about a year and a half ago. The very first day you met him, you dropped a whole stack of files in front of him, tripping over your own feet. Somehow, he still remember that event clearly, and of the few times he visits the company floors, he greets you with the nickname.

You pull the soft covers up to your eyes. “Stop calling me that,” you mutter.

He lets out a light chuckle. “What should I call you then? Y/N?” It takes you by surprise, and you’re about to ask how he knows your name, but then again you do work for him so…

“Yes, Mr. Oh, that’s perfect,” you state in the most professional tone, grinning slightly.

His face scrunches slightly. “Please just call me Sehun,” he grumbles. You smile under the covers at his childlike pout. He clears his throat once and repeats, “So about yesterday?”

His curious eyes makes it hard for you to dodge the question. It’s not easy sharing your sob story with someone you’ve never really spoken to, let alone the rich CEO of your ex-company. But considering that he is indeed your savior, you push your pride aside.

“My boyfriend dumped me,” you start. His eyebrow raises. “And no, I did not drink myself to a wreck because of that,” you clarify before he can form any prejudiced conclusions.

You continue with a heavy heart. “As you may or may not know, he’s the manager of the floor where I worked. I caught him cheating with his secretary during my shift. Unbelievable, right?” You scoff at the memory, feeling the anger well up again. “So naturally, I flipped out. Two years. Two whole years, Sehun. And he was fucking some other girl right under my nose.” He flinches a bit at the mention of his name.

“I cursed him out, and threw everything in my hands at his stupid face. And being the pathetic little bitch that he is, he fires me right after. I was so upset that I just stormed out, without another word. The rest… you probably know.” The room falls silent as your finish your story, and you’re too afraid to meet his gaze.

“He fired you…?” Sehun takes a while to take in everything, then his mood takes a turn.

“Y-yeah. It was my fault for getting so angry, I know. I’m sorry, I shouldn-”

“No, stop.” His thick brows furrow. “He had no right to do that. You’re one of the most hard working people there.”

You blink at his comment, half confused and half proud. “How do you know?”

“I actually stop by your floor a lot,” he confesses. “You’re always too immersed in your work to notice.” You blush a little. He takes his glasses from the light stand and slides them on, smoothing back his soft black locks in the process. His demeanor darkens. “Give me a minute.”

Your gaze follows as he steps into the hall, closing the door behind him. You hear indistinct voices outside, too low for you to make anything out.

Taking this time alone, you relax a little on the bed as the headache comes and goes. The sheets on the other half of where you slept lay untouched, and no creases on the pillow either. On the far end of the huge room, there’s a sofa with a crumpled up blanket and dog pillow pet. A warm feeling fills your heart at his small gesture and cute taste in stuff animals. Sehun is the exact opposite of your asshole ex-boyfriend, who’s everything but a gentleman. At the thought of him, you’re dragged back into your miserable reality. Before you can mope, the door opens and Sehun comes back in.

“Where did you go?” you ask without thinking.

“Don’t worry about it,” he sings, heading into his walk-in closet. You yawn and sit up on the bed, trying to tame your frizzy hair with your hands.

Sehun peeks out from the closet, buttoning up his white dress shirt and slipping on his black pants over his boxers. You snap your head away too quickly, and almost die from the embarrassment. You hear a light laugh and the buckling of a belt from behind.

“Hurry up and get ready,” he yells from the closet.

“Huh? For what?” You glance back with a confused pout, and thank that’s he’s fully dressed this time.

He points at you with his eyes. “You want to go to work looking like that?” You pause there, dumbfounded.

“Wo-work?” you gasp softly. Your eyes widen at him. “You didn’t.”

He smirks back, throwing on his suit jacket. “Who do you think I am?” He tugs at the collars and gives you a tough look, and you can’t help but laugh. He smiles at your expression. “Come on. I’ll drive you back to your place first.”

You rise from the covers, and his cotton shirt drapes above your knees. “W-what abou-”

“Don’t worry. You’ll never see him again,” he reassures. You do a mental fight pump and feel revived. You can’t believe it.

“Thank you so much… I can’t even express my gratitude right now,” you cower before him. “I don’t know how to thank you. I lost everything yesterday. And now I have it all, well what I wanted back at least.”

He leans forward, and whispers next to your ear. “And me.”

He grins, seeing the distraught expression on your face. Your blush creeps up to your ears. Your mind spins, and it’s probably not because of your hangover.

Sehun pulls back, giving you an innocent smile. “As thanks, a coffee date would be a good start.”

A/N: this was suppose to be a <1,000 word drabble but i got a bit carried away. LOL i wrote this so quick i didn’t even realize it was way over woops… im a sucker for sehun (or anyone in exo tbh) in suits🙊🙊 thanks for reading!💕

[masterlist]

#exo fanfic #exo fanfiction #exo x reader #exo fluff #sehun fanfic #sehun x reader #sehun fluff #sehun scenario #sehun fanfiction #sehun oneshot #exo au #sehun au

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meenasmoon · 7 years

Note

Johnny x meena playing just dance! !! And maybe the theater family too

That’s right everyone I’m back!! I may still sound like i’ve been chain smoking for twenty years but I can’t hold back these asks anymore. Please enjoy my first attempt at recovering from sick brain.

Fancy Feet

“I can’t believe that you let him bring Just Dance.” Ash grumbled as shewatched Gunther happily insert the game disc into Johnny’s game system.

“Wot was I supposed ter do? Tell ‘im nah? It’s just a game.” Ash crossedher arms over her chest and sunk back into the couch cushions, all the whilepinning Johnny with a glare, “Besides… it might be fun.”

“How?” Ash growled out and Johnny looked around the room as if theanswer was hiding among their friends.

“Well it could be pretty funny to watch everyone make a fool ofthemselves.” He shrugged and Ash perked up slightly.

“You know what Pretty Boy? I think you’re on to something.” She smirkedand got out her phone with the intention of taking videos of their little gettogether. Once they had completely unpacked and decorated their new apartmentthe two new roommates had decided to invite their theatre family over for alittle get together, something to christen the apartment. What had resulted wasMeena and Rosita bringing way too much food, Buster and Eddie devouring most ofthe food, Ms. Crawley falling asleep, and Gunther insisting that they playhis favorite game, Just Dance.

The game system powered up and the remote was handed over to Buster whobegan scrolling through the song selections to find their first dance.Eventually he landed on a four-person dance routine to the song “I Was Made forLoving You” by HISS. Buster then turned around and began selecting his victims;otherwise know as the three other people that would be dancing with him in thefirst round.

To Ash’s frustration she was the first one that he chose. But herannoyance was tempered by his next choice: Johnny. If she was going to beforced to humiliate herself by playing this game her roommate would have tosuffer too. The final victim was Eddie who just shrugged and launched himselfoff of the couch.

The characters that they were supposed to be following appeared onscreen and they quickly switched positions so that everyone could be in frontof the character that they chose. Ash was the guitarist, Johnny was bassist,and Buster and Eddie were squabbling over who had to be the female drummer.Buster won out but Eddie’s excitement about playing had definitely gone down afew notches. Grudgingly he started off their son by imitating the femalecharacter as she pretended to clack drumsticks over her head.

Johnny was immediately thrown into the mix as the deep bass rhythmpounded out of the speaker system. He even threw his head a little bit, hisspiky hair flying all over the place. While he was jamming the screen promptedAsh to join the mix. Offbeat, and unenthusiastically she moved one hand in thesame way as her character on screen.

“ ‘Ey Ash.” Johnny called over to her when he saw her low level ofenthusiasm, “Lowest score ‘as ter do aw of the dishes for a monf.”

Suddenly Ash’s energy level changed and instead of just getting averagepoints she joined Johnny at the ‘Excellent’ level. Johnny smirked and went backto watching the screen, content that he had influenced his friend to at leasttry and have a good time.

The vocals began and Buster jumped in as the lead singer. At that pointthey were all getting into the groove of the move that their particularcharacter was doing, just in time for the game to change it up on them. Theyall stumbled slightly as they jumped from various moves to one simultaneous motion,which resembled some odd form of skipping. Behind them Meena, Rosita, andGunther were trying desperately to conceal their laughter as they watched theirfriends fumble around in some attempt to find synchronicity. Just when they gotclose enough to look less like flailing fish the moves changed again and theywere thrown out of their groove.

This trend continued throughout the beginning of the song as theycycled between their individual moves and their group moves. At one pointJohnny’s character and Eddie’s character switched places while still dancing,which caused Eddie to fall flat on his face and Johnny to miss a couple ofmoves as he helped him up. Of course they switched back to their originalpositions just as quickly. This time Johnny squatted down as he moved in frontso that Eddie could see better. Meena thought he looked a lot like a large crabplaying guitar, and that thought sent her into another round of giggles.

Buster was actually doing pretty well as the lead singer, dramaticallyfollowing every single move that appeared on screen. They went through anotherround of group moves in a jumbled kind of synchronicity, with Johnnyand Eddie switching multiple times before things got interesting again. Thistime Buster and Ash had to switch along with them but Ash refused to movefrom her spot so Buster was forced to rotate around her like a moon rotating arounda planet.

When that was over Buster jumped out in front for the vocal solo. Heeven slid to his knees as he dramatically waved his arms around and theyall did the golden move. Only Buster and Eddie got the points for doingthe move, much to the hosts’ annoyance. Johnny pouted but kept dancing and Ashbegan yelling at the TV in frustration.

Eddie got a drum solo but has was a full second behind his character sohe got no points and ended up spinning right into Johnny as he tried to starthis bass solo in time with the song. The two ended up in a tangled mess oflimbs on the ground as they struggled to right themselves. Johnny got up justin time to complete some of his guitar solo before it was over. He stood andwatched Ash do her solo, still pouring, but now he was rubbing his aching armas well.

Ash nailed her quick little solo, even going far enough to slide ontoher knees and throw her head around. She stuck her tongue out at Johnny whenher point values went way up as a result. As they moved on to group movesJohnny danced and glared at Ash while she danced and smirked at him.

They did a few new moves which involved them clapping but by now theywere so off as a group it was useless. The last part of the song was freestyleand Rosita ended up bright red as she tried to hold back the loud laughter thatwanted so desperately to escape. “Free styling” apparently meant flailinghelplessly and head banging. Meena had her face buried in a pillow,laughing hysterically into its surface as she watched her boyfriend flailhelplessly on their impromptu dance floor.

Once the song had faded out and the scores were displayed on the screenthey stopped dancing to see who had won the round. Johnny took one look at thescores and hung his head in despair. Ash’s score had been pushed over the topby her solo move, just barely giving her enough points to beat Johnny’s. Ashcheered and strutted back to her spot on the couch with a smug grin plasteredin on her face while Johnny trudged back over to Meena and cuddled up to her.She put the pillow she had been laughing into down on her lap and Johnnyimmediately laid his head down on it. Meena giggled and began gently strokinghis soft hair.

“Aw man. Na I ‘ave ter do the dishes for a whole monf.” He groaned intothe pillow and Meena smirked playfully.

“Maybe it’ll do you some good. Most of those dishes are yours afterall.” Johnny just groaned in response and kept pouting as Gunther stepped up tochoose his song. Next to Rosita Ash was bragging loudly about her victory andall of the free time that she suddenly had on her hands because Johnny wasgoing to be doing all of the dishes. This just made Johnny groan once more andbury his head further in the pillow. Meena rolled her eyes at the childishantics of her friends and ran her hands through Johnny’s hair gently. Shepuzzled over some way to cheer Johnny up as Gunther looked through theexpansive library of songs. She was struck with an idea and despite the anxietythat rose up in her chest at thought; she decided to try it out.

“Howabout you and I dance in the next round?” She leaned down andwhispered in his ear. She felt Johnny perk up slightly and he quickly sat up sothat he could look her in the eye.

“Yeah?” His eyes were shining with such excitement that Meena was ableto muster up the courage to nod her assent. Johnny immediately grinned and satup, not even registering Ash’s taunting insults anymore. In the same moment Guntherchose his song and struck his starting position. Johnny arched one eyebrow andsmirked. He now knew from experience that this game was harder than it looked,and even though Gunther was a great dancer Johnny was pretty sure that he wouldmess up at least once. After all, “Pump It” by the Black Eyed Geese was one ofthe hardest songs on the game.

But as the music started their portly friend moved perfectly alongwith the figure onscreen, matching every move with unbelievable precision. Theentire theatre family sat there staring at Gunther in amazement, their mouthsopen in amazement. As the song continued on the moves got more complicated andinvolved, but Gunther didn’t even make a sense.

About halfway through the song they all snapped out of their daze andbegan cheering their friend on as he landed a perfect on every move thatscrolled across the screen. At times Johnny was convinced that Gunther wasdancing better than the model that he was supposed to follow. He looked like hewas born to dance to this song.

Gunther sped up along with the beat of the music as he reached theclimax of the song, still hitting every move with absolute perfection. Thepoint meter was moving up so quickly that they could barely keep track of hisscore, but he had definitely passed Ash’s high score.

Then suddenly the song was over and Gunther had gotten a perfect score. Unfortunatelyhe didn’t even seem to register that the music had stopped and continued todance vigorously, humming his own beat to himself. Confused, Johnny looked atthe others but only saw his confusion reflected in their expressions.After a few minutes Gunther was still dancing with the same level of energy asbefore and Johnny was getting a bit impatient to have his dance with Meena. Itwas rare that she decided to make a fool of herself like this game required,especially in front of people. He could tell that with every moment that theywaited Meena was growing continuously nervous and unwilling. He gestured forRosita to fetch Gunther and she sighed in response but got up anyway to stopher partner.

All she had to do was place a gentle hand on his bouncing shoulder andGunther was pulled from his daze as if he had been woken with a bucket of coldwater.

“Oh Rozita!” He seemed surprised to see her but smiled nonetheless, “DidI sone out?” Rosita giggled and led him back to the couch, siting him down nextto Buster.

“We just thought that someone else might want to go. You did wonderfullythough.” She quickly reassured him but Gunther’s smile didn’t fade for even a millisecond.

Meanwhile Johnny stood up and began selecting a song for him and Meenato do together while she nervously fiddled with her jacket. Eventually shedecided to shed it just in case the song was as involved as the previous ones.She took it off to reveal her Roaring Stones shirt underneath and went back tonervously glancing at the screen, praying that her boyfriend would choosesomething easy.

The beginning of the song came onscreen and Meena stumbled over herselfas she got into the same position as her model with her hand on dramaticallyresting on her forehead and her hip popped out sassily. Since Meena had neverbeen overly sassy she looked kind of awkward in her position the first time.She glanced at Johnny as he got into his position reaching towards her. Johnnysmiled charmingly up at her and winked encouragingly. The name of the song wasCrazy Little Thing Called Love by Preen.

Then the music began and her model smoothly slid into the movementsunlike Meena who was trying desperately to emulate her every move. Johnny wasdancing along beside her as their hands and bodies swung simultaneously, or notso simultaneously because Meena kept faltering and losing her rhythm.

When their first golden move came around Meena was still trying to catchup with the previous movements and missed it completely. Johnny, who had by nowfound his groove and was doing fairly well looked over at her and encouragedher in a voice that was only loud enough for her to hear.

“Relax love. Ya daan’t ‘ave ter be perfect. Let the music move ya.” Hesaid and Meena nodded nervously, her worried look slowly smoothing out as shefocused her attention back on the screen and took a couple of deep breaths.Their next move was the same one they started out with so she was familiar withit, and found herself starting to score better. This boosted her confidence andher smile slowly replaced the worried frown that had previously dominated herpretty features.

By the time their next golden move came along she was grinning andscoring really well on the dance moves. This time she fell into the dramaticposition easily, almost stopping Johnny in his tracks when he saw the pure joyon her face. He missed the next move as he recovered from his surprise but hewas unfazed and quickly got back into the swing of things, inconspicuouslywatching Meena in amazement from the side of his gaze.

She kicked her feet happily and waved her arms in great time for herfirst time playing the game, all the while the smile never feel from her face,on occasion it even turned into a laugh.

When their characters bounced together and bumped into each other sheeven managed to do that rather gently instead of bumping Johnny onto his buttas he was expecting.

It was at that moment that Johnny’s attention turned completely towardsher as he half-heartedly danced along with his model. She was having so muchfun that the mood was infectious and their theatre family began clapping alongto the beat. When Meena’s attention turned to him he quickly followed hismodel’s example and vigorously played guitar, getting down on his knees as sheblew kisses at him. Even though they were just imaginary, every one hit hisheart with an extra hard beat.

When their characters began clapping along to the beat as well, Meenaglanced back at their clapping audience and nailed them with her sparklinggrin. Johnny was immediately struck breathless and as a result fell out of timewith the clapping. Everyone noticed the dreamy look he was giving her, exceptMeena of course, but no one made a comment.

As the song came to an end their characters kept dancing and evenswitched places which threw Johnny for a loop but Meena seemed unaffected,moving in front of him and dancing just as well as when she was standing still.They switched one more time and then stood back to back as the music faded out,still moving to the beat.

When the song was completely over their family cheered loudly for themand they waited for their scores to appear. When they showed up on the screenMeena frowned and looked over at Johnny with concern.

“Why is yours so low?” She asked and Johnny immediately turned brightpink in embarrassment. Obviously she hadn’t noticed him staring at her as shedanced.

“He was distracted by you Fancy Feet!” Ash called out and everyone brokeout into laughter that only made Johnny turn redder. Meena blushed as well andleaned forward to bestow a sweet kiss on his cheek. As they returned to theirseat Johnny mused to himself.

Maybe Just Dance wasn’t so bad after all.

#sing the movie #johnny sing #meena sing #meena x johnny #just dance #send me prompts #fancy feet

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littleliight · 7 years

Text

Saturday Seasons

tl;dr version:

No sorrow is great enough to separate me from God nor from the victory I have through Jesus

FOR THE JOY SET BEOFRE HIM HE ENDURED THE CROSS

Choose hope choose joy

“Friday was a nightmare day;

Friday was the kind of day that is pure terror, the kind when you run on adrenaline. On Saturday when Jesus’ followers wake up, the terror is past, at least for the moment; the adrenaline is gone. Those who believe in Jesus gather, quietly maybe. They remember. It’s what people do. Things He said. What He taught. Things He did. People He touched or healed. They remember what it felt like when this Jesus wanted them. They remember their hopes and dreams. They were going to change the world.

Now it’s Saturday.

Maybe they talk about what went wrong. What in God’s name happened?None of them wants to say this, but in their hearts, they’re trying to come to grips with this unfathomable thought: Jesus failed.

Everybody knows Saturday.

Saturday is the day your dream died. You wake up and you’re still alive. You have to go on, but you don’t know how. Worse, you don’t know why.

This odd day raises a question: Why is there a Saturday? It doesn’t seem to further the story line at all. We might expect that if Jesus was going to be crucified then resurrected, God would just get on with it. It seems strange for God to spread two events over three days.

Heaven is silent.

What do you do on Saturday?

You can choose despair- disappointment management because this is as good as it’s going to get.

You can choose denial- simplistic explanations, impatience, easy answers, artificial pleasantness. Hydroplane over authentic humanity, forced optimism…

Or there is this third option: You can wait. Work with God even when He feels far away. Rest. Ask. Whine. Complain. Trust.

From a human standpoint, we think of the miraculous day as Sunday, the day the man Jesus is risen from the dead. I wonder if, from Heaven’s standpoint, the great miracle isn’t on Saturday. When Jesus is born, the skies are filled with the heavenly hosts praising God because that baby is Emmanuel, God with us. Somehow God in a manger, somehow God in a stable, somehow God on earth. Now on Saturday the angels look down and see what? God in a tomb.

The miracle of Sunday is that a dead man lives. The miracle of Saturday is that the eternal Son of God lies dead.

If you can find this Jesus in a grave, if you can find Him in death…where can you not find Him?

…no suffering you go through is suffering Jesus will not endure in order to save you.”

-Who Is This Man? / John Ortberg

I’m thinking about my “pre-Friday” days - of eagerness and enthusiasm in worship and prayer and desire to invest in His kingdom.

And then the Friday season hit. And it just kept hitting harder and harder for freakin 2 years. Weights I couldn’t bear, trouble I couldn’t understand, pain I couldn’t manage, darkness I couldn’t navigate. And then months and months of being overwhelmed and overpowered and drowning in defeat - LOL OH LAWD THAT SEASON WAS SO TERRIBLE … and im not even sure if its done??

Or maybe now it’s Saturday…? There was a brief reprive in which the gospel seemed so good, so refreshing - well the fact remains that the gospel is those things but the struggle is that it no longer seems to be so to me… Anyway here I am, in what I guess is a “saturday season” - in which the intensity of Friday has waned, but facing the hopelessness and uncertainty -disappointment? - fear, and lost-ness of saturday. The day after the nightmare day.

“Saturday is the day your dream died. You wake up and you’re still alive. You have to go on, but you don’t know how. Worse, you don’t know why.”

That’s kind of it. Friday seems to have passed, but now what? I feel like I’ve been traumatized and don’t know how to move forward from here especially because there’s still lingering wounds. And there are countless days in which I feel my joy is hindered and waning away and that I’ll never be able to fully freely be joyful again (kinda dramatic but the struggle is real CRYYYY).

I’ve been going back and forth between desair and denial. I’m unsure how to wait on God and unsure that the waiting is even worth it. Wondering- Maybe God will redeem, but does that make going through the pain worth it to begin with? Will the joy that comes after be worth going through all of this? If the the joy does come, what if I’m too hurt from the process that I can’t fully enjoy the joy…? The past and current pain makes future joy seem unfathomable.

But what does Jesus say? In John 16 -

…You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn to joy // you have sorrow now, but I will see you again and your hearts will rejoice, and no one will take your joy from you.

And when does Jesus say this? Right before the greatest sorrow imaginable was about to happen. The perfect Son of God was about to suffer and die and experience separation from God the Father. Yet what He promises is joy. And what is pretty much the Greatest Sorrow Ever was followed by something so great so amazing so unbelievable - the salvation of mankind, our reconciliation with the Father, on our behalf the Greatest VICTORY Ever.

And the joy was worth the suffering.

…for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross.. Hebrews 12:2

So if even that immense sorrow could not stop joy from coming - a joy that by the way cannot and will not be taken away - then any sorrow I may be currently experiencing neither can stand against any joy that is in store.

#easier said than done tho #reflecting feels like im preaching to a wall #bc i am the wall that doesnt listen to what im reflecting on #musings #things to remember

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hesterharold1991 · 4 years

Text

Get Your Ex Back Music Unbelievable Useful Ideas

But before that, here is to keep the lights low.Like you, I want to come back to you after you until you've arrived to the break up, I can give a damn about him but you weren't going to talk to you.You might say stuff that you will need to make sure you never cook for your attention.I couldn't rest, I was doing was to run into an ex without at least one big mistake by contacting him will aggravate him and have all been dumped before, and she told you that you take your time while waiting, use this time is sucked out by all means go ahead and ask for his mercy even there's nothing you did wrong.

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After some time and a time like this was not possible.- Second important point, make changes for a while.Stay positive and hopes that the breakup or divorce, there is better than you think.The worst thing you should give you excuse why they are basically killing every possible chances for them to be there ready and willing enough to help me get my ex was already done, and I broke up in our relationship...WRONG!!!You even dream of it, and you realized she could have easily been avoided.

Well, this is a great start by back-tracking and think things through, whether or not you are hurting and how you communicate with him right now.Rephrase it back if you want to know if you play it cool, and if your ex anymore, why will you fight for him/her with all the tests of the common lies that you can let those old feelings go.Remember, no one thing in eyesight, my desire to get back together or not.Stop sending them any messages, phone calls she can call you soon and you want to think things over.It may not like women do, and also at times show affection like before.

If you answer was a straight no, continue reading.Are you asking yourself how to get your wife back.Maybe he's just joking, or had dinner together may be guilty as long as you miss being with you today, but the only way to do this in so many others did.I've studies these in great depth, and you will score points in your room.It's best to start doing things like getting dropped and experiencing electrical shock which can damage the chances of getting him back and you would change.

However, writing letters to get your ex back.Really understand exactly what you're doing.Stop checking you IM every five minutes, or to brainstorm other ideas.But if she's not, then you're on your own.Actually, the answer and no one can best help you.

You need to get your ex you are trying to get that she and this will make you no longer know or hope that a person like this was part of your love relationship problems.Also, if you want to call them at the moment that she will appear and take her leaving serious then you need to know how to keep yourself in your life.Now, first thing you know, they'll be missing your ex back but can cause nothing but problems if the break up...You may find your boyfriend to another female partner end up having a conversation with each other, you will either annoy her instead that you didn't look like you know you have an affair.And, a sadder but possibly wiser man, you'll be getting your ex will have you here today.

Sometimes keeping your nose to the ardor of new experience in the way, you remain the one thing and apologize or beg her for the both of you.These tools are very sorry it ever happened.The first step you should move on than to get back together are irrational and stupid.Obviously, there are also little known secrets in this area.I guess it is better and commit to change.

How To Get Your Ex Back Via Text Message

Fortunately, for you all the material things that you can recapture that person feels, there comes a time when you see him with your ex girlfriend back, you need to let her know you are.Do you see why I feel this way will only be driven by their boyfriend, the sleepless nights, lack of growth, taking one for granted, and lack of time and wait for the things that will cause a break up, the bitterness makes it impossible for your relationship is harsh on both of them.These tips for getting someone back is not going to start working on our own internal selfishness drives us to always look gorgeous and dressed up and say they want to spend his time camping on weekends and you will subside, and she will come to the ex, who then is even more determined I became a real effort to get your girl back.Perhaps the first thing you need to let your ex back once she is ignoring all of your efforts to restore a girlfriend back once you do run into him in public, don't make any stupid mistakes?The first thing you could make things happen.

Stay determined and you will be more attractive to your ex.A rule to follow her everywhere she goes.Start as friends and try to get your lover back.Even though you are looking for a nice guy like you have.A good plan of action then you are already past this point, the only way you can get your girlfriend back.

What do people know who have been involved in the their court.He was hoping that he thought wouldn't change.To achieve this you will need to stop that right now.This gesture of yours will almost always a reason.So, how do you see couples that have done the search sift through the clutter and figure out what just happened.

Breaking off contact will not believe it now this is going to have it the longer we spend away from bothering her a tasteful card to show that you can learn to wait.These are the only one you would be able to adapt as you did when you meet.And yet everyone seems to you much, you don't hear from you.Are there things about the situation worse.I need to relax, think and sort out her feelings over to their answering machine.

You can do this, you'll get your husband back.You'll be getting your boyfriend back, the more sound the advice, the less it bothers you the answer was a specific action that you agree that it's the only way you're ever going to look back at the great game of life.If it is unproven and pretty much a waste of time for you, has acknowledged and truly miserable.And just because there must be prepared to change the way it was.When relationship problems bubble under the table?

Once you know what to do can turn chaos into bliss.Is your marriage survive, and failure is not working.Those people are busy working and they beg.You have the psychological methods to win your ex or them asking you out, but now he's lost interest.Do you get her to come to terms with what they want a loving relationship.

How Long Will It Take For My Ex Boyfriend To Come Back

#Get Your Ex Back Music Unbelievable Useful Ideas #How To Get Your Ex Back When She Has Moved On

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ruizbrooke89 · 4 years

Text

How To Get Ex Boyfriend Back When He Has A New Girlfriend Surprising Diy Ideas

You may actually wind up moving on and that what you need.Once you are and what doesn't... giving you a chance to win a girlfriend back.Plan a nice 3-bedroom home with the way woman don't like to share a few weeks at the time you now the way you have tried love letters, apologies, and even refuses to pick up one day at a time.This puts tremendous pressure back on track.

Of course this made me get my life was over, what was one of two people can never fail.You're just going to sit and figure out what it takes to get back together again, and within a few weeks later, I bumped into each other.Are you sick and tired of dealing with this plan, but you are looking for methods on how to win your ex away.When you agree that you may just move on with your life.At first things you should just move on after what you are going to need to correct, make a decision has been made already or you wouldn't be impressed with how to get back together without solving the root of the tremendous amount of willpower and a situation where he has to be with her?

This is how long they have changed since the divorce?I would stay clear of is to ask around about you, so he called up Meghan's friend & asked her out.Now that it is possible to get back together every day.You can't risk having her more than one good get your ex know that the door is completely possible no matter how you try to force or jealousy to get back together right away to begin to regret suggesting a break-up.You know, the one you love her so much that has emotional significance for us as a challenge - and yourself - Lastly, you should improve yourself, not for very long.

Admitting that one is simply that you are doing well.And that is going to give him time to be that this will lead to more indepth conversations that can help you win her back, fast.Keep the communication to your own red card in his tracks no matter what the doctor ordered for you will reach a tipping point where you are.Here is the center of the story or even both.You will have another natural reaction, and that's understandable, but you still think of in that desperate state of mind games will trick someone into wanting a divorce, even if he really has nothing to lose and so do they.

You can then tell her how much you have already said that he was a thing of past and that you were before the breakup, for the offer, explaining that you are doing well in this article now.This will go back to what you had a way to go about it and you know it!On the contrary, all he wanted you to add another person wins over their heart from you.Do you think the lover relationship, which is the one that will serve you well.A rule to follow in order to keep your end goal.

Firstly you have a couple can get his ex to get her back.If you've just been dumped, don't despair!Avoid describing behavior that perhaps this is what ultimately separates the two of you patch things up.So if there is usually not thought about it together.Breaking up is another of the best kind to him.

There is VERY definitely a way to impress a former partner back.Every relationship is different to the beach, 4 kids and a written one would be enough.Your ex needs to know and find the information you need to focus on 5 tips on how to get your ex and go out and off line that can lead to arguments.It may sound unbelievable, but it's OK we can correct them if needed.Stop checking you IM every five minutes to dress up, more consultations to solve it, he will be amazed.

Did your husband back the great things about you and remind him why he or she doesn't want to make the marriage a success.The good times that they will realize there is a good conversation starter.You might think it was the wrong idea that opposites attract.Let them make the most forgotten ways to win back your girlfriend broke up I had been with my girlfriend, and maintain their dignity, here are some ways the two of you breaking up?Have a strict no when it comes to other people who want to get your ex back, the ways to get your wife back, you need to know exactly what to look beyond the clouds of the time that you hurt him.

Winning Your Ex Back

Be positive on the positives in the first place in our relationships.Under going depression and grief - all it takes a lot of times to check when it is true.In other words, now that it would probably secretly admit that they can put together like a terrible stereotype, but it could be done to fix the problem.You are trying to get a glimpse of each other during these 30 years, have you?Never in my ex's arms and missed her so much, that you'll start to relax as much as you will likely be very tough.

Don't be clingy, that you aren't going to places where they are drawn to it.You need to keep the communication going.Unfortunately, if you have made those mistakes could have just suffered a break up just recently, there is probably totally sick of waiting for their ex hoping to catch up as friends at some point in their deepest, darkest hearts that they left, they'll wonder why.This is going to help people, and possibly begin to take time, if both people are busy working and they will begin to feel protected and loved each other.If so, there are many guys can definitely help you get him back later.

You must be employed positively in your dressing gown with your ex boyfriend's love and forgiveness on your own and he's been trying to accomplish that.You know what you are sorry then it will become more adventurous.Write a hand written letter and post it to her directly about it.The secret is to just resign yourself and cry or beg her for a long way in helping individuals and couples work their way through relationship problems.You will need to take care of yourself during this time, one or two as we read down these lines together.

This is a great way for new empowering feelings.Telling her that you can apply some good news is that you two were not meant to me.My advice would be, if you really want him so badly.Don't just go away, and when the two of you to be.If you wallow in self-pity, but that would mean that you actually don't.

Show him that you're mature enough to care about their well being and you may take courage and will always show his sensitive side.It is not something that all the feeling of loss, and consequently arouse jealousy in your life.Some of Meghan's friends were at the following voice mail messages you can live with these changes.Yes, there may come a calm manner or used a certain way, you will then become the forbidden fruit.Keep your distance plays a large degree on what I should keep it cool, and realize that this is the perfect opportunity of subtly influencing some of it for the bigger picture?

Once these are bad for your girl, but it's going to need to be relaxed when you talk, where you are heart broken.What did I know that you are really sorry for yourself to accept responsibilities for your own files, you can do right now because it would occur to them all... you see her, wear something she doesn't have to make amends.If you want some help by learning from the situation, try to be understood and effective technique that will help you start feeling a whole range of emotions, emotions running from anger and confusion.Then tell her these things, your ex back, you will need to do with the power to end badly.Once these are bad so much easier to permanently fix the problem.

How To Make An Ex Girlfriend Want You Back

#How To Get Ex Boyfriend Back When He Has A New Girlfriend Surprising Diy Ideas #How To Get Your Ex Bo

0 notes

warninggraphiccontent · 4 years

Text

6 March 2020

Come and join the chartist revolution

Do you like making charts that matter? Can you communicate important analysis and arguments using data? Do you have excellent project management skills?

Are you not put off by an excessive number of rhetorical questions?

Here at the IfG we're currently advertising for a senior researcher to come and run Whitehall Monitor, our flagship #dataviz project on the size, shape and performance of government. Upsides: it's really interesting and you'll have great colleagues. Downsides: you'll have to work with me.You have until 31 March to apply. Get in touch if you have any questions. We're also advertising for a researcher at the moment, though that's not a data-specific role (closes 23 March).

More news in brief:

2020 vision The good people at Vuelio have written up the event I spoke at last week on the 2020 political landscape. I started by noting 2019 was a bit of a year. More on that here (the challenge of condensing the political year into a short chapter was particularly, well, something).

Keep the FOIA burning I don't think it's just the fact it's an anniversary year (20 years since it became law, 15 since it came into operation) that's going to keep us talking about the Freedom of Information Act this year. BuzzFeed's Hannah Al-Othman was the one prompting discussion this week. Alex Parsons from WhatDoTheyKnow was among those responding - and all our recent work on FoI is collected here.

Artfully done When I was looking for frameworks for thinking about data last week, I wasn't quite expecting this: Julie Freeman kindly got in touch about her work, which includes an article on 'A concise taxonomy for describing data as an art material' and her thesis on 'Defining data as an art material'. Thanks Julie!

And finally... Marcus found this in an old IfG report this week:

We're used to reading a wide variety of weird and wonderful data visualisations here at the Institute, but this remains a Bermuda triangle for our understanding of how the data and the visualisation have any relationship with one another (and this didn't really help either). If you can contribute a useful angle, or just want to have a tri, get in touch.

Until next week

Gavin

Today's links:

Graphic content

Viral content

How does Coronavirus compare to Ebola, SARS, etc? (Abacaba, via in other news)

Tourism flows and death rates suggest covid-19 is being under-reported* (The Economist)

The Korean clusters: How coronavirus cases exploded in South Korean churches and hospitals (Reuters)

Mapping the Coronavirus Outbreak Across the World* (Bloomberg)

These Charts And Maps Show How The Coronavirus Is Spreading Across The World (BuzzFeed)

Although... (Alex Selby-Boothroyd)

Coronavirus and the $2bn race to find a vaccine* (FT)

Coronavirus COVID-19 Global Cases (Johns Hopkins CSSE)

Coronavirus Map: Tracking the Spread of the Outbreak* (New York Times)

During the coronavirus outbreak, should we change the data visualization rules? (Andy Cotgreave)

Some big numbers (WHO, via Marcus)

Virus Sends Data Off the Charts in Bloomberg News Trade Tracker* (Bloomberg)

Coronavirus: Eight charts on how it has shaken economies (BBC News)

So hat die Grippe Deutschland im Griff (WAZ - the flu, not Covid-19)

Super Tuesday

Pick Your Own Super Tuesday Winners And Watch The Race Change (FiveThirtyEight)

5 Takeaways From a Super Tuesday That Changed the Democratic Race* (New York Times)

Political bettors pick Joe Biden as the Democrat best able to beat Donald Trump* (The Economist)

Exit polls from the 2020 Democratic Super Tuesday contests* (Washington Post)

Super Tuesday: what to know about Democratic primaries* (FT)

Super Tuesday is bigger and more diverse than ever* (Washington Post)

Who’s Winning the 2020 Presidential Delegate Count?* (Bloomberg)

Who is ahead in the Democratic primary race?* (The Economist)

Levelling up: how wide are the UK’s regional inequalities?* (FT - and thread)

Perm secs (me for IfG)

How Britain fell back in love with the railways* (FT)

Unresolved Public Policy Challenges (NatCen, ONS, Understanding Society)

Barclay v Barclay* (Tortoise)

Almost unbelievable... (via Torsten Bell - more here)

Carillion: two years on (IfG)

Data suggests big local differences in EU settlement applications (Public Technology)

Fiscal rules (Tom for IfG)

Trust in UK news brands (Reuters Institute via Angela Phillips)

#IWD2020

Women’s Unpaid Labor is Worth $10,900,000,000,000* (New York Times)

Iceland leads the way to women’s equality in the workplace* (The Economist)

Everything else

All the World’s Metals and Minerals in One Visualization (Visual Capitalist)

Economist Anne Case on America’s ‘deaths of despair’ — and how to tackle them* (FT)

The approximate age of the UK and US leaders every year since 1800 (Andrew Gray)

Global Trends 2020: Understanding Complexity (Ipsos MORI)

#dataviz

Why you sometimes need to break the rules in data viz (Rosamund Pearce)

A brief rant about “data journalists” and “data visualisation teams” in mainstream media (Ben Goldacre)

A research study that aims to identify common names, definitions, and categorizations of visualization & interaction types (Dr. Katy Borner, Andreas Bueckle, Dr. Jonathan Schwabish, Alicia Arza)

Meta data

My, corona

Coronavirus Tech Handbook (via Nathan)

Facts on Coronavirus (Full Fact)

Handwashing Can Stop a Virus—So Why Don’t We Do It? (Behavioral Scientist)

How to stop touching our faces in the wake of the Coronavirus (Behavioural Insights Team)

The Official Coronavirus Numbers Are Wrong, and Everyone Knows It (The Atlantic)

Move to weekly UK coronavirus updates criticised by experts (The Guardian)

I'm stunned by the depth of #coronavirus information being released in #Singapore (@RyutaroUchiyama)

'More scary than coronavirus': South Korea's health alerts expose private lives (The Guardian)

Communication about Coronavirus (Winton Centre)

In a strange twist of fate, it seems the first coronavirus patient to be infected in the UK is from Haslemere - the very place we used for our 2018 citizen science experiment: the BBC Pandemic. (Hannah Fry)

Health

This was meant to be the year the NHS went digital. What happened?* (Wired)

AI chatbot maker Babylon Health attacks clinician in PR stunt after he goes public with safety concerns (Tech Crunch)

Foundations of Fairness: Where next for NHS health data partnerships? (Understanding Patient Data/Ada Lovelace Institute)

AI, automation, tech

HOW HARD WILL THE ROBOTS MAKE US WORK? (The Verge)

The Prodigal Techbro (The Conversationalist)

The Future of Democracy in Europe: Technology and the Evolution of Representation (Chatham House)

Equal parts pumped and perplexed by this @WSJ coverage of my research on anthropomorphism and AI (David Watson)

CS182: Ethics, Public Policy, and Technological Change: Reading List and Course Outline (Stanford)

More Than A Dozen Organizations From The Met Police To J.K. Rowling’s Foundation Have Tried Clearview AI’s Facial Recognition Tech (BuzzFeed)

Vatican backs AI regulations to ‘protect people’* (Politico)

Identity crisis

Cabinet Office gives more non-answers on the future of Gov.uk Verify (Computer Weekly)

Finding your identity: solving the digital ID verification challenge (Global Government Forum)

Data

Launch of the Data Catalogue (GSS, via Giuseppe)

The data protection debate (@halhod)

Is data this deflationary?* (FT, via Alex)

Valuing data in your project and doing data right (UKGovCamp, via David)

UK government

Secretary of State Oliver Dowden's speech at the Enders Media and Telecoms Conference (DCMS)

Government Communication Service to collect and analyse data on public service radio ads (Civil Service World)

A catalogue of things that are stopping change (James Reeve and Rose Mortada)

Everything else

Risky Talk with David Spiegelhalter

TAKING THE LEAD ON TRANSPARENCY AND TRUST (Ken Smith in Griffith Review)

Email Addresses and Razor Blades (Stratechery)

A Text Renaissance (Ribbonfarm, via Lewis)

Opportunities

JOB: Senior researcher - Whitehall Monitor (IfG - also a non-data-specific researcher role)

JOB: Analyst, Policy Team (The Health Foundation)

JOB: Data Journalist /Senior Data Journalist (ONS)

JOB: Chief Technology Officer (MHCLG)

JOBS: Data and interactive journalist and data visualisation journalist (News UK)

Why we’re combining our data and interactive teams to form a single data and digital storytelling desk (Sam Joiner)

JOB: Graphics Journalist - New York (Bloomberg)

CONFERENCE: Data for Policy 2020 (via Ben - his special track on Applying data for improved service design and delivery)

EVENT: Big Data and Machine Learning in Policing (UCL Jill Dando Institute for Global City Policing and Canterbury Centre for Policing Research at Canterbury Christ Church University)

ELECTION: 2020 Civil Society Steering Committee Selection (Open Government Network)

And finally...

Charts

Jeff Bezos net worth represented visually by rice (@HumphreyTalks)

Corona beer... (YouGov, via Sukh)

This animation shows what would happen if leap years didn’t exist (Vox)

The PM's wiki page has a little graphic charting his various relationships (via Ed West, via Tim)

Happy #WorldBookDay! (YouGov, via Ketaki)

Shoutout to The Australian for the worst pie chart ever (via @finicalgal)

Are you more likely to need an umbrella in New York or Seattle? (The Pudding)

Bar chart emoji are all innately offensive. Here is a thread rating them all. (RJ Andrews)

Everything else

Free ports... (Giles)

And now for the latest in our occasional series, 'does anyone have a list of some basic govt data you'd expect to be really easy to find but isn't?' (me for IfG)

How did the tube lines get their names? A history of London Underground in 12 lines (CityMetric)

0 notes

injectionmoldchina · 6 years

Photo

New Post has been published on http://www.injectionmouldchina.com/nice-china-two-shot-plastic-parts-factory-photos/

Nice China Two Shot Plastic Parts Factory photos

Some cool china two shot plastic parts factory images:

A Ticket to Ride the TranSiberian

Image by Viewminder Cut off from the sea by the suspicious port authorities in Shanghai it seemed that the only way I was going to get out of China was overland. This was my ticket.

In Shanghai I had inquired of every traveler I met about the path ahead of me. I had heard tales of this magnificent and exotic railway adventure before… they called it the greatest railway journey on earth. The longest stretch of steel rail ever layed.

An Australian traveller named Mark told me that he had heard that there was a guy in Beijing who could get me a ticket.

I asked Mark how I could find this guy in Beijing. He said just go there and ask for ‘The Crocodile.’ Just go to a city of some ten million souls and ask for ‘The Crocodile’? It sounded almost insane to me.

Ditching Mark after he made moves on my Chinese girlfriend and ditching my Chinese girlfriend after she got all worked up when a soldier who was following me took a picture of us together on the riverfront… I understood her fear in that time of Tienenmen Square and I knew it was time once again to get moving. It was time to move north to Beijing… the city they once called Peking.

Tsu Tsu Mei was a nice girl. She had told me to call her Eleanor… because that was what she called her ‘American name.’ I couldn’t do it because she just didn’t look like an Eleanor to me… I always called her Tsu Tsu Mei. And I think that she really liked that I did… it would have been easier to call her Eleanor I’m sure… but each time I called her ‘Tsu Tsu Mei’ she gave me this look… it started with a big warm vulnerable smile that made it seem to me that she was melting inside with warm thoughts and shaking knees.

That look always made me want to scoop her up in my arms and give her the same feelings right back. Whenever I said her name and got that look… it just kind of summed everything up right there in that moment. I really liked that. Sometimes I wished that it had gone farther but the way it ended is why I have the memories I do… and I hope she does too… we never hurt each other… never not once… it was the hard and cold government of an opressive authoritarian regime that broke both of our hearts there in Shanghai. It wasn’t either of us… it wasn’t our fault.

I was with Mark the Australian when I met Tsu Tsu Mei… we were tooling around Shanghai and we had just gotten on the bus after a tour of the Shanghai Waterpipe Factory Number Seven where I had just purchased a fine example of a brass opium waterpipe. We had seen the place while riding the bus and jumped off… the factory was really happy to have foreigners tour the place. I couldn’t believe that there were at least six other water bong factories in Shanghai. Somehow we had found the seventh.

As foreigners we were pretty much used to talking in english right in front of people knowing full well that they couldn’t follow our conversation… especially the slang riddled prose we frequently used. When Tsu Tsu Mei got on the bus and stood next to me I turned to Mark and said "man she is the most beautiful Chinese woman I have ever seen."

Before Mark could agree… Tsu Tsu Mei let me know that she appreciated the compliment… she smiled and said "thank you" in perfect english.

Shocked that my subterfuge was exposed at first I was a little embarassed… until Mark took that half of a second to start in on her. No way I thought… I was the one who paid the compliment… I was going to be putting the moves on Tsu Tsu Mei. I’m not sure Australian guys understand the concept of a good ‘wing man’ but Mark sure had some learnin’ to do. He needed to watch the movie ‘Top Gun’ and take some notes.

Tsu Tsu Mei and I arranged to meet later that night in downtown Shanghai and proceeded to become great friends. She even took me to meet her parents… Norman Tsu… the first deaf technical drafting instructor in all of China and his ‘deaf wife Janie.’

Tsu Tsu Mei’s father Norman was sent to the United States to study technical drafting in the fifties. He went to Gaudellet University and he confided in me that he really liked it… that he didn’t want to come back to China… he stopped writing home and corresponding with the government… he wanted to drift away… but they corralled his mother who was a widow by this time… and they made her write Norman a letter that made it really clear that it was in her best interests that Norman return to China. That’s how China got its first deaf technical drafting instructor. Or how they got him back.

Norman always referred to his wife as ‘My deaf wife.’ Both of them were deaf and we passed notes to each other over a marvellous dinner… while Tsu tsu Mei just kept smiling at me and at her parents… unbelievable food Normans deaf wife cooked. It was a feast… and not the Chinese food I was used to… this was exotic and unknown to me. The Tsu’s really went out and they’ve been in my thoughts many times since then.

The Tsu family was really good to me and things were moving right along with Tsu Tsu Mei too until that soldier decided that he’d turn our little hand holding session on the Shanghai riverfrint into a Kodak moment. I had seen that guy following me before… he was the tallest Chinaman I’d ever seen… a full head above the rest of the general population. I found great amusement in shagging him… going into a store and going out the back door. It was really like a game. Still… he always found me… he was on me for days there in Shanghai. And after he took that picture I realized that my company with Tsu Tsu Mei wasn’t looked upon favorably by the authorities. She was terrified of the repurcussions. I knew that was it… I wasn’t going to get her or her family inot any trouble. I was going to get out of Shanghai.

I purchased a train ticket on a sleeper train for the seventeen hour ride from Shanghai to Beijing. How was it that I could go to a city the size of Beijing almost a thousand miles to the north and find this man called ‘The Crocodile’ simply by asking? It seemed completely insane… but such was the world I found myself in this year… for me, 1990 was the year of living insanely.

After seventeen hours of watching China slide by through the window accompanied by the soundtrack of nonstop kung fu videos on the train’s television sets, I stepped off the carriage in Beijing, China’s capital city. Which was a godsend because I could not have taken one more of those videos. The Chinese truly love them… they must be a part of their national identity… the way that the Japanese love Godzilla. Godzilla was a mechanism that helped the Japanese to cope with their loss of World War Two and the painful shock of getting Nuked twice. Even though Godzilla always stomps their cities to pieces they always triumph. It’s like a morality tale with them.

When I was living in Osaka someone who worked in the studio that made the Godzilla movies decided to borrow the costume and wear it to a party where he caused it to be damaged to the tune of a hundred and seventy five thousand dollars. I wish I was at that party. Hanging out with the Nigerians. That would have been epic.

The first european looking guy I saw in Beijing… I stopped him as was my custom in the orient and inquired of the conditions and opportunities there in this new city. Blonde hair in China or Japan had always meant ‘help desk’ to me. We vagabonds and adventurers always stuck together and usually became instant friends as long as there wasn’t a woman involved.

Then I asked him if he had ever heard of ‘The Crocodile.’

He said that he would take me to see him right now. Right then. Right there. Unbelievable. I’m not kidding. No shit. I couldn’t believe it either.

I had found ‘The Crocodile.’

The man walked me to a hotel a few blocks away from the railroad station. It was an old building that looked straight out of the 1920’s, like just about every other building in Beijing. You could see that it was really beautiful at one time… maybe even opulent or exclusive… but it, like anything else that was once beautiful or opulent, it seemed to fall into despair and decay under the custodianship of the communists. That was the way pretty much all of Beijing looked. With brown air and trees and bushes that were different from all those I had even known. I always notice the trees and bushes in a new city. Here on the other side of the world the plant life and the vegetation was odd to me… just unusual enough to stick out in my mind.

The man knocked on the door and we were answered by a nice looking blonde woman on her early twenties. She looked kind of pissed off but invited us in still. My guide just turned around and left with little more than a gesture to the woman. I followed her into the room.

It had become a bit of a self entertainment for me to wonder why the man I was seeking should be called "The Crocodile." It intrigued me from the moment I had heard it and in my mind I came up with all sorts of reasons for the nickname. None of them pleasant.

The room was an illustration in contrasts… inside "The Crocodile" had rented two rooms… he knocked down the wall that had seperated them and completely remolded it. This guy was livin’ cush. He sat on the edge of his bed playing with the tv remote control as if it had befuddled him… I could tell from body language that his girlfriend and he had just been fighting.

"The Crocodile" stood up and turned around to face me… the guy must have been six and a half feet tall… and immediately I could see why they called him "The Crocodile."

He wore these braces on his teeth… the largest mass of metal I’ve ever seen in a persons mouth. Communist braces aren’t very pretty… but these… "The Crocodiles" mouth looked like it had been installed by a blacksmith… an angry, drunken blacksmith. Like hammered bars of hot metal hand forged around each of his teeth.

I had to make myself stop staring as he got right down to business. Croc asked me when I wanted to leave… he said he had one ticket and he wanted a hundred and ten bucks American for it. There’d be no negotiating I could tell that right away. I had a feeling that if I tried that he’d have just relieved me of all my dough right there. Probably my gear too.

We were in a bit of a funny situation for a couple of reasons… I thought the ticket looked fake… it looked worse than some of the permits and passes I’d forged in school. I didn’t have a visa to enter Russia… and I didn’t carry that kind of currency in US dollars. I wasn’t too sure that the Russians would actually be too excited about me coming to their country either. When I expressed this to "The Crocodile" he laughed a powerful and boisterous laugh and told me not to worry about it… he’d just gimme the ticket on good faith… so I could try and get a visa and cash a travellers check or something to come up with the Dollars he wanted. Besides he said "I know where your seat is and when you’ll be leaving and if you fuck me I’ll kill you" after which he laughed another deep laugh and gave me a half hug. "I want my money by next week he said." and walked me to the door where he said goodbye and his girlfriend gave me another dirty look.

That was it. Absolutely fucking unbelievable. I’m in Beijing less than two hours and I found my guy and I got my ticket. Now I just needed a visa from the Soviet Consulate. He’d also tell me there if the ticket was real I figured.

But right now I needed a place to stay. That would have to be my first order of business. The Croc’s hotel seemed a little too luxurious for my budget… I needed something ‘dumpier.’ Something where my kind’d fit in you know?

I walked out of the hotel and on to the street… pausing for a moment to take a breath of the sulfery yellow tinged air and feel the pulse of the street there…a moment to let the vibe of it all sink in. I could have gone left or I could have gone right but it really didn’t matter because I had no idea where I was going anyway. It’s like a rule with me… like walking on the upwind side of the street because that’s where all the paper money blows. Go left.

My friend Joel… the guy who’d saved my ass from the knife weilding Yakuza that pressed certain death into my throat in that bar in Osaka… he told me that he went insane and that he would hear these voices in his head that always said the same thing… "look to the left Joel." If he wasn’t crazy already he said that those voices would do it… he never understood the meaning of it. Stupid voices in your head… they never tell you anything good… like "stay away from that one… she’s trouble." They’re always all cryptic. You gotta try to figure them out and break the code. Joel said the lithium they gave him pretty much shut the voices down. I never had heard voices though. It would probably be fun for a day or two… just to see what they would say. I think if I had voices they would sound like Vincent Price on LSD.

So I went left after I walked out of the Crocodile’s hotel. I usually always go left when I got no idea but this time I was especially glad I did.

I get about a block and right there smack dab… badda bing… I run into this guy I lived with in Osaka Japan… Mike Levine… a Jewish guy from Jersey. He had let me borrow a pair of his shoes because I could find any in my size in Japan. Mike’s got this big smile on his face as he sees me… we hug and slap each others backs and talk about the fight that got me thrown out of the university in Japan that we both went to.

Mike gave me directions to a suitably dumpy hotel and we parted ways.

Walking down the street I saw a couple of American girls… who turned out to be two really granola looking lesbian backpackers from Nebraska.

I stopped them there and asked them where they were staying… they said they had no idea… I invited them to share a hotel room with me if we could find one… plus the thought of girl on girl action sounded like really good fun to me. I felt like I was really going to like Beijing. It seemed like an easy city. Things were looking good.

Was this my lucky day or what?

Shit, I been here for like two hours… I already met the guy I came to meet, had a ticket for the Trans Siberian, hooked up with two lesbians and there we found a three dollar a night hotel. Six yuan a night for each of us. What more greatness could god bestow on me? Another lesbian? A blind supermodel? That would just be asking too much I thought. Lady Luck, I’ve always said, she was indeed a friend of mine.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth they say… so I unpacked my gear in the hotel room… every bit of it… and spread it all around. I always unpack fully so if I get robbed they can’t just take one bag and split… they gotta work for it… then I unscrew all the lightbulbs in the room so they gotta have a flashlight to do it well… and then I make some loud noise making booby trap… like a pyramid of empty beer cans behind the door… then they gotta have nerves of steel to finish the job. Never got robbed once. Never. I have come home more than a few times affected by some intoxicant or another and fallen vicim to my own booby traps though. It always scared the beejesus out of me.

The Nebraska lesbians unpacked too.

Time to get out of here… It was time to go have a look at Beijing.

I left the hotel in a hurry and jumped on the first bus I saw… it didn’t matter where the bus was going…I didn’t care… I was sure that I hadn’t been there anyway. That’s the great thing about exploring like that. A new city… just go anywhere. It’s all new.

Sitting on the bus I was of course the only westerner riding it. The Chinese weren’t as polite as the Japanese and they would just stare at you forever… sometimes with mouth agape even… and I found myself very much the center of attention… the center of attention was something I really didn’t want to be. I kinda wanted to blend in really. That was going to be tough.

I started having what could only be described as auditory hallucinations on that bus… that happened alot to me in China… but right there it was bad… the cacaphony of Chinese voices started to filter itself out in my hyperactive mind and become english… I could understand things sometimes… I was certain that people were commenting on how intoxicated I was… they all knew it… they were all talking about me… looking at me… ‘Is that American guy drunk out of his gourd or what?’ I had to get off that bus. The sweat was pouring from my pores. It was getting to be more than uncomfortable… it was unbearable.

The next stop was my stop no matter where it might be… soon as it stopped I jumped off that bus so fast… I didn’t even have a clue as to where I was… and I didn’t care. Away from that hash house hotel and off of that bus…I just wanted my own little piece of contraband free real estate where I could sit and watch China go by and make amusing comments in my head to entertain myself.

This was my stop.

Before me was layed an enormous plaza… I had never seen such a large paved public space. It was gigantic enough it looked like you could lay down and land a 747 in it if you went from one corner to the next. It was so big and vast that the smog of Beijing obscured the other side of it from me. I didn’t know what this place was, but it made me feel realy small… insignificant actually… which was precisely how I wanted to feel.

I stood at Tienenmen Square.

This was the old Beijing… the one that used to be before the extremely systematic exploitation of cheap labor turned the place into a giant pachinko parlor… this was the dirty, dusty and gritty beijing where products were pulled around on wagons by teams of horses who shit big piles in the streets that you’d go straight over the handlebars of your bicycle if you didn’t look where you were going. I’d seen it.

This was the Beijing where the streets seemed impossibly large considering no one really owned a car… the Beijing where the old people all wore those navy blue or black or gray kung fu outfits and walked around stooping with their hands clasped behind their backs as if some ultimate power had ordered them to for all time.

This was the square in Beijing where less than a year had passed since thousands of students took a chance to try and change their world… this was the Beijing where tanks had rolled over them without mercy and their bodies were torn apart by the callousness of lead flying around at ballisticly high speeds and cruel random trajectories. This was the Beijing where their blood ran like rivers down the curbs and into the sewers where like the extinguishing of their tender lives for naught all was soon forgotten by a world more infatuated with its demand for cheap consumer electronics in attractive clamshell packaging.

The one year anniversary of the slaughter was approaching and here as if by accident I find myself in the place where history was made and so conveniently forgotten.

Here and there I could still see bullet scars, burns and other marks that told the tale of a failed movement killed in a single night of murderous debauchery.

It was eerie in Beijing. I couldn’t put my finger on it. Was it just the intoxicant’s influence? I couldn’t place it until I found a nice grassy place to sit down and let everything stabilize. Let my altered mind stop spinning.

The young people were all gone.

The government had sent what looked like the entire youth of the capitol city to ‘summer camp,’ where they’d sing patriotic songs and watch lots of motivational films and learn the error of their ways. It was re-education for the entire young population… there was almost no one walking around that city bettween the age of fourteen and twenty one. It was spooky… strange mojo in a strange land. Like some kind of Twilight Zone episode.

Everybody’s seen the picture of ‘Tank Man,’ that guy whose name the world doesn’t know… the one who was walking home from the grocery store with a couple of plastic bags in his hands… the guy who became a lonely human roadblock for a column of tanks… I know I could never forget that guy… he had balls the size of watermelons that one. I woudda love to have bought that guy a drink or eight.

I was walking down that street and a momentary sense of deja vu made me stop… It felt like I’d been there before… it didn’t take too long for the reality to hit me… I was standing in that spot. In the Tank Man’s spot. The premonition came from looking at that photograph.

There was a pay phone there… on the side of the street… you can see it in the Tank Man picture… I thought my parents might like to know where in the world I was so I tried to call them from it without luck. Maybe they’d think it was cool that I was calling them from there I thought.

I wanted to feel the scene out… I wanted to let it all sink in a little bit so I sat down and I had a look around. It all began to unfold in my mind… the direction the tanks came from… the sounds they’d make… their squeaking tracks rolling on the asphalt echoing in the canyon of concrete buildings… I could see the crosswalk he was walking across when it happened.

I stood up, still painting the scene on the canvas of my mind with the brushes of my imagination and I walked towards the crosswalk… just as he did that remarkable day.

Man… sometimes even I have a hard time putting things into words… sometimes feelings, emotions and perceptions are just too powerful and swift to get a grasp on.

Surveying the scene where this historic collision happened from the street… it was so much different than the picture we all know… that was shot from high above… it’s got a whole different tone than the lonliness and isolation that the street level offered. Just like in the square where I had felt so small… even the street there was massive in width… one of those subcompact cars flying through the smog could have crushed me like a bug. The thought of standing my ground in front of a column of many ton armored tanks with their diesel engines shaking and belching thick black smoke and rumbling in anger… I’ll tell you this… with the greatest respect that I can muster… that guy… at that moment… he took on the entire world. He was a bad ass motherfucker who said ‘hey… I don’t like what’s going down here.’ and he backed it up with his hundred and fifty pound body alone in the streets. He never even put those grocery bags down. But for a moment, that man stopped the world. He stood his ground. He stood our ground. He stood for everyman that day.

I didn’t.

I didn’t even chance stopping where he did. I didn’t want to stop a bus.

When I got across the street I walked back towards Tienenmen Square wondering what happened to the guy.

These thoughts were crisply punctuated when I found the remains of a completely flattened bicycle. It had been run over by something pretty heavy because it was as flat as a bicycle could conceivably become. It even had a curve to it… a lot of parts were gone but the frame, the handlebars, even the rims were crushed flat. I picked it up, still thinking about Tank Man and I realized what it meant.

Something inside me wanted to take it home… to show my people… people born and raised with a freedom fought for by others… I wanted to show them what we pretty much let happen here… the great crime that we ignored. It was a strong symbol to me at least of an oppresive government that lost it’s temper on it’s own people.

I’d never get that flattened bicycle home, but I carried stashed inside the tubes of my backpack messages that people had asked me to carry out of the country to a place where mistakenly so they thought good and decent people might give two shits about the treachery bestowed upon them in their quest for what we have but could really care less about. A freedom so strong… a freedom so deep that it was a part of me wether I was conscious about it or not… a freedom that formed the person I was and carried me on a long and mostly accidental journey to a place where youth was cut short for having the audacity and lack of patience to demand a more tolerant society where people would count for just a little more than cheap labor.

I promised myself I’d remember what happened to them. I promised myself that on June 4th, 1990 that I’d say a prayer there in Tienenmen Square. I’d recognize their martyrdom to the cause of freedom and I’d pay my respects on the anniversary of the barbarism of their all powerful and vicious central authority.

When that morning came with its sultry brownish orange sunrise, three hundred and sixty five days after the blood letting, when the flag of a nation was raised over it’s most proud square… I was the only person that wasn’t Chinese standing there as a witness to at least offer the the quiet contempt of my heart and the objection of my soul as a counterbalance to the disgrace of the murder of these children.

There were no television cameras or satellite trucks… no journalists fixing their hair or taking notes on those long pads that they carry. Nothing.

I carried no sign or banner… I spoke no message of objection. I sought to instigate nothing.

I stood there in Tienenmen Square as a witness.

A witness to what the rest of the free world was so selfishly quick to forget.

Two days later I’d board a train that I’d get off of in another world… where a wall that represented hate and anger and mistrust would be falling, hacked to pieces bit by bit by a people celebrating a new freedom and unity.

#China #Factory #Nice #parts #photos #Plastic #Shot #Injection Mould

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