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flannelandcocoa · 3 months

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#all smiles all the time

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andthebeanstalk · 11 months

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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

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florapot · 9 months

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everything i know about plow comes from these 2 scenes but already im 😭😭😭 he is my new son

#ALL SMILES ALL THE TIME #flora.txt

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wasabi-gumdrop · 2 days

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local ladies man’s signature move totally useless against autistic monster enthusiast. more on Kabru’s fumble era at 6

#i’ve seen so many interpretations of that 1 hr freeze frame of Kabru’s smile in ep 16 #he’s meeting his long time crush of course he’s trying to charm him #Kabru so obviously has a big fat giant crush on Laios #like atp in the story he’s tried to talk to him and get his attention so many times agjdjajdj #Laios is the human rubix cube he’s been searching for his entire life #everyone else is almost too easy for Kabru to pin down #Laios on the other hand … a treasure trove of autistic mystery #Kabru is so locked in #Kabru used signature move: charming smile #Laios: no effect!#there’s something so beautiful about the popular pretty boy entering his fumble era when his one true love turns out to be autistic #labru #laios touden #kabru of utaya #dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #wasabi rambles #seen so many clock that smile as nefarious and machiavellian #baby no Kabru is just dialing the charm up to 100 and what we’re all feeling is second hand embarrassment LMAO

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be-queer-do-arson · 7 months

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We NEED to talk more about Neil's escape from Columbia because I don't think anyone's fully appreciating just how unhinged it really was. Neil really hiked six miles along the freeway in the South Carolina summer heat, face bruised from being knocked out cold dressed like a homeless person carrying a big ass duffle bag and started strolling up to truck drivers like, "Hello there! I'm just a regular sociology student interviewing long haul truck drivers to learn about their culture! Would you allow me to interview you while you drive to your next stop?" And then he did in fact interview a truck driver AND take full notes like he was really doing a presentation on it. That is FERAL

#neil canonically has the best Totally Normal Guy persona but i don't think there's any amount of blank smiling #that could convince someone that was a normal situation no matter how good his lying was #you KNOW that truck driver thought he was escaping human trafficking or some shit lmao #aftg #neil josten #all for the game #the foxhole court #sorry i haven't posted in a while i started going to a different university full time and it was a big adjustment lol

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demigods-posts · 1 month

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i have this headcanon that percy and annabeth are raging accidental flirts. but not with each other. like. they'll go to the coffee shop on fifteenth street. and compliment the barista on his hair and clothes and tip really well. but only for him. and they have no idea this boy is absolutely swooning over them. or. each time they to go the bakery downtown. they take the time to converse with the waitress at the counter as they eat her homemade muffins. and are incredibly vocal about how she's their favorite server. and how much they enjoy seeing her. and suddenly they're the only two customers that can get her services for free. except, they just think she's like that with everyone.

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sitruuna-art · 2 months

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ask and you shall receive (props to us for using our MASSIVE muscles to get him outta' there) 😎

#i didn't forget the spot on his eye this time #to all the dogday enjoyers #i think he would accidentally break all the bones in our back #but that's okay #my art #sitruuna-art #fanart #artists on tumblr #click for higher quality #poppy playtime dogday #poppy playtime 3 #poppy playtime player #poppy playtime fanart #poppy playtime #ask #smiling critters #dogday #player

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batfamhyperfixation · 1 year

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The Batkids: *all sitting on the floor huddled around a phone*

Bruce, walking up: What are you guys doing?

Tim: We're playing a new game. Its like truth or dare, except it is only dare, and all the dares are decided by a random word generator set for verbs, if we need more context we can randomly generate a noun too. Here, Steph is next, watch.

Steph: *clicks the generate a word button* 'appreciate'? *Clicks for a noun* 'Scene'? Am I supposed to go to a play? Look at the top of a mountain?

Damian: you have to get to the top of the hill, adequately appreciate the scene, and get back before your next turn, otherwise you are out

Steph: *gets up and runs out of the house*

Jason: My turn *presses the randomly generate a word button* Request *presses to randomly select a noun* cookies. Fuck yes! Alfred!

Cass, soaking wet, signing: not fair

Bruce: hey, I saw Dick's car out front, where is he?

Duke: he got 'vanish'

Tim: Still better than that time Jason got 'die'

Damian: me next, 'read'

Jason, walking in with a plate full of cookies: you gotta read and finish Pride and Prejudice before your next turn.

Damian: That's impossible! Without Dick that is only 5 people before me.

Tim: Impossible if you sit here complaining. Better hop to it.

Damian: *running to the library*

Duke, stealing a cookie: you wanna try, Bruce?

Bruce: maybe just once *clicks the button* 'grin'

Tim: Batman has to smile for an entire day fighting bad guys and dealing with the Justice League

Bruce: I don't like this game

#lets just say they didnt trust the other batkids to give them dares so this seemed like a safer option #still laughing that when i was clicking a random one for Bruce it came back with grin #like could you imagine all the villains getting creeped out when batman swoops in to stop them and he just has a huge plastered on smile on #or worse the justice league having to sit through a whole meeting with broody batman forcefully smiling the entire time #dick's laughter can be heard in the background the whole time but no one has seen him for a week #batfam #batkids #incorrect batfamily quotes #incorrect batkids quotes #bruce wayne #tim drake #jason todd #dick grayson #stephanie brown #cassandra cain #damian wayne #duke thomas

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wiltkingart · 2 months

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a week in doodles

#personal #that was one of the most weeks of all time #digital #original art #dont even know how to tag this 🙈#back to regular art soon. now that im on the other side. smile #thanks for your patience while i *gestures vaguely*

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pien-art · 4 months

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Little Moiraine and baby Anvaere 💫

(click image for optimal quality)

prints available here !

#i can just imagine moiraine as the best big sister when they were growing up #protective and patient and eager to do right by anvaere. to keep her safe. to make her laugh and smile. reading to her and playing with her #and teaching her how to survive #and then she learned to channel #and suddenly anvaere was all alone #my art #wot #twot #wot fanart #fanart #the wheel of time #wheel of time on prime #wot on prime #moiraine damodred #anvaere damodred #art

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kagoutiss · 14 days

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pelican town, ‘72

#stardew valley #stardew valley spoilers #sdv #sdv spoilers #grandpa #mister qi #mr. qi #idk how dates work in stardew universe im just bullshittin #i love qi’s huge fucking eyebrows you dont notice them at first but theyre there #(gives our collective grandpa a ponytail) i think he had one. whatever #’why isnt mister qi blue’ my hc is he is blue from long-term iridium supplementation #and was originally just a regular person #but also it’s nice to see ur fav be like a normal human color #if u read tag essays tho consider this:#qi discovers secret to immortality (consuming iridium in a specific manner)#wants to share discovery with his farmer (player’s grandpa) and in that way. they will have all the time in the world to build #a perfect farming/business empire whose legacy will last forever and ever and theyll be 2gether forever #but it turns out. like a lot of normal people would. his farmer does not want to live forever #and obv he doesn’t #in an attempt to try not to ever lose the thing that means more to him than anything else in the world. qi inadvertantly ensures he will #because his farmer is dead. and he’s going to live forever #but. it’s kind of ok. because he has infinite money and was able to figure out how to talk to his dead bf #and now YOU help them fulfill their joint goal of making the farm’s legacy last forever #smile. heart #sobbing

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puppetmaster13u · 3 months

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Prompt 177

Now Dan is no coward. He’s not.

But this stupid child body does have an effect on his reactions to things and honestly it’s a horrible thing that’s too small and too weak for him to use all his abilities. He could barely manage a fireball if he concentrated, yet everything caught fire with a mere outburst! His control was utterly gone, and a tantrum resulted in having to wear a stupid child leash backpack.

It wasn’t like he was really a child, and it wasn’t like he’d get lost or some stupid shit that Danny would insist. Ugh, this isn’t even fair, technically he was older than him yet was stuck in a smaller body that he kept tripping over!

Urgh, he’s even insisting on rewarding ‘good behavior’ and shit- must have talked to Jazz or something- because… Oh. No he wants the constellation bear, give! His star bear now, no takes back and, urgh, stupid baby body!

Well, on the other hand, it’s utterly hilarious how much Danny sputters whenever he calls him Mom, not to mention strangers’ utter befuddlement. He ignores how Danny seems to be trying his best to live up ro the title.

But! As he was saying, he’s no coward! He’s also not an idiot though, and having no control over his powers isn’t exactly a good thing. It’s really not a good thing when there’s a murderous-looking hero that he thinks he might have maimed in the future- which they apparently remember- staring down at him. So, he has to call in the big guns to fix this.

“Mom, there’s a creepy fruitloop staring at me!” “There’s WHAT?!” Hah. Take that hero he doesn’t remember the name of.

(Behold the Grumpiest of Babies)