#all these big creator blogs seem to be friends and i am just. i am just sitting here

[garoujo]

saetoru is talking abt you on her private blog (@/clorindes) yuckkkkk

CW BULLYING, LITERALLY IMMATURE HIGH SCHOOL DRAMA, SUB POSTING.

hi nonnie, thank you for letting me know! since i’m leaving this blog & this platform for the foreseeable future i figured i might aswell get a few things off of my chest before i go. i apologise in advance for the vibes this post will probably bring, the discourse & the posts that will ofcourse follow, but i honestly i am not the first person to be targeted by this creator and i’m sure i won’t be the last considering the amount of creators that have been bullied off of this app by them.

first off i’ve had multiple blogs that would be considered bigger blogs such as @/hvnlydmn, @/atsymu + now this blog which is the biggest of all 3. i think there’s a sort of unspoken responsibility that comes with being a bigger blog which i know is no fun but it’s also because it can be super harmful on a site like this, when people weaponise their following.

on that note i’ll start this post by saying that i’ve known tee for probably around 3/4 years, maybe? we were mutuals on hvnlydmn & atsymu and we continued to talk on discord even when i was off of tumblr. i will honestly admit to this day i have never had a negative interaction with tee to my face and she was genuinely supportive of me during any discourse i was involved in. i am not some angel, i’ve had my fair share of crap on this app (of my own doing) but this post is not meant to come across like “oh she doesn’t like me so i’m calling her out” no. im sorry if this doesn’t line up with my brand and my ‘victim complex’ but i’m not gonna lie down and let someone on a power trip on a hobby app drag me through the mud.

first off i had began to get some off vibes from tee when i had started writing on garoujo, notably when i’d just hit my first milestone which was probably around 1k. during this i had decided to move my instagram theme from my main blog to my writing blog.

i’d noticed tee subposting (on main and on her personal blog which i followed at the time) about someone basically using the same theme as her, which after then clicking onto her blog i realised was an instagram theme. i didn’t think much of it, again me & tee were friends and she hadn’t came to me directly so ignored it. i was still a new blog and trying to solidly an aesthetic (before the beige lol) so i changed my theme / masterlists / layouts a lot.

a few more sub posts later i decided to message tee about it because with every thing i’d change / post on my blog, there always seemed to be another post. so i messaged her and got this response in: (i’ve blurred out my irl name btw) open up pics for convo!

so i let it slide, kept posting & that was that. probably a few days / a week later, tee had soft blocked me which then eventually led to me being hard blocked. i was upset ofcourse because i genuinely considered tee a good friend but i’ve always been a big advocate in controlling your space.

this was when, one of our mutuals in common (the first of many may i add) approached me on discord to say that just like now, i was being ripped to shreds on tee’s personal blog:

again i was notably upset about this because i was being accused of not only copying her theme but also her writing & masterlists, we did have a lot of mutuals in common so it was also upsetting knowing they would all be seeing these posts aswell. i allowed myself one sub post about “creating a narrative” because i was particularly frustrated but tee then also subposted about this, even though she had me blocked?

i would also like to say regarding our mutuals in common that this was not the first or last mutual to approach me regarding tee. i’ve had multiple people tell me that “they’re only mutuals with her because it would be more damaging not to be” “it’s easier to be on her side”. also i am not saying this is okay but i’ve had multiple of her current mutuals send me not only her posts, but screenshots of her private, personal instagram & also tell me about how all of them and their friends had a running joke / theory that tee made up her boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) for attention.

regarding the accusations from tee i’d like to first comment on the instagram themes, again i had done an instagram theme on my main blog but it seemed to only be an issue when it was on my writing blog that was gaining traction. if the timing was off and it seemed like i copied her, i genuinely have nothing to say except it’s not the case— it’s instagram (which tee already admits she doesn’t own above) also the hanma writing? i’m still not 100% sure which drabbles she was referring to but i can only assume that 1. is when i posted a drabble about hanma fucking you outside of his subordinates house — this was a almost completely word by word rewrite of a suna drabble i done on my old blog @/atsymu i literally just changed the concept to fit tokyo revengers themes. i can post screenshots of this suna drabble also from my google docs dated February when i deactivated. the other one may have been some basic concept about him fucking you against the window.

she also mentions in the very first recent screenshot at the beginning of this post that i have apparently stolen concepts of fics / posts from her mutuals. what i want to say regarding this is, do you believe that i would have made it this far on stolen work? i don’t know any of the mutuals she’s referring to apart from 1 which i’ll get into. but every single accusation i’ve ever received has always come from someone associated or in contact with tee, she has always been at the root of it all but i have yet to receive a single anon or ask about me copying or taking inspiration from anyone’s work.

i know there was apparently a blog and an ex mutual of mine, who i had a lot of respect & time for who was under the impression i’d stolen their concept for this gojo fic. the whole premise of this fic is honestly not uncommon considering how many times people losing control of their techniques / powers / quirks during orgasm has been done in fanfiction. this concept was completely my own, i had originally posted shitposts about him losing control of his technique & also him putting you into a mating press / breeding before i’d decided to smoosh them together into a fic. we all read from the same workbook, we all have the same material to work off of — two people in a fanbase of THOUSANDS having a similar idea is not unheard of.

now onto the masterlist banners. the screenshot on the far left are the comparison photos that tee made herself— i’m sure you’ll be able to see them in better quality when she makes her own post about it; because obviously that’s going to come. first off i will say, i will admit i took inspiration from her official art masterlist banners — i thought hers looked good and i needed a masterlist so i used official art. fair game there although i only kept them for a few days before i changed again.

but onto the grey masterlist banners, i can honestly say i did not even know tee had this masterlist, also the only comparison i myself see is the colour. the only reason i chose grey was because i had started to use a grey / white overlay on my manga panels for my layout (as you can see far right), and as you know— i’ve always kept my colour scheme pretty consistent. on that note, regarding the actual layout of the masterlists— i’ve added screenshots from atsymu (that i could find due to it being deactivated) that shows the layout of my old masterlists, which was what i took inspiration from for my current. although the title font for each heading like headcanons is different, i had used the sort of old style, basic font that everyone uses before i had deactivated so it would match my fic headers i just don’t have photos obviously.

anyway on the back of this there was then discourse over me apparently copying tee’s kinktober masterlist, which again was not the case. but again due to tee’s following i had received multiple death threats into my asks the morning after i posted mine. as far as i was aware, the only similarities were the fact we both used gifs in our headers & the layout listing thirsts, hcs & fics (which is very common during kinktober but i admitted below i could see that similarity). unfortunately during all of this discourse was when ffflowers, my hate blog also came into the mix which then lead to tee reaching out to me in dm’s from her old blog.

the interaction between me & tee was pretty good, again she was nothing but nice to me directly despite the way she obviously spoke about me in private above. but as you can see below, tee herself told me that basically most of the similarities all made above were brushed off as basic. we spoke about the ig themes & i apologised, saying i could understand where she was coming from and that was that. i unblocked her & she unblocked me so i could reblog her post, it’s been that way since.

it is not my place to comment on other people’s experiences on this app but i would need more than 2 hands to list the amount of people that i’m sure have had similar if not worse experiences with tee. i know i have had multiple mutuals who have been bullied off of this platform & had their safe space ripped from them for little things such as: liking a character that this group selfship with, tee and her friends not liking their characterisation. they’ve even went as far as to go through other larger creators notes to check for minors so they can make excuses as to why they’re thriving.

i also know of a blog who was ‘blacklisted’ from tee & her mutuals as they self shipped with arataki itto at the time, one of tee’s friends also did, so they blacklisted this creator and had all of their mutuals block them for this which then in turn drove this creator off the app. there has been other notably bitchy things that i’ve heard but i have no receipts for therefore i don’t see any relevance in starting rumours.

i would also like to say i know plagiarism is a horrible thing, we have all been through it— myself included but it’s got to the point where being accused of copying tee has become a canon event. notably, bigger platforms have been ruined and driven off of this app for little things such as mdni dividers, similar colours schemes etc. and it’s the reason i’m also leaving.

i will say i have met some amazing people through my discourse with tee, notably people who have been in similar situations and i also apologise to any mutuals who we still have in common who are now sort of stuck inbetween. no hard feelings. although to tee: id be careful of the people you trust because it seems the loyalties they have to you are not as sincere as you may believe. you can also go to her personal & read the other things she was saying about me like how she was always so ? at how many people seemed to like me.

so that’s all i have to say, i’m sure dash will get a few responses from this but i’ll be logging out & turning off asks because honestly? couldnt care less. the only thing i’d change about my experience on this app would be i wish i’d blocked tee sooner.

i’d say have a nice day, but instead, have the day you deserve.

— emmie :)

#i apologise in advance to my mutuals & the innocents #i probably had more to say but yk i was rambling atp #anyways see u guys 🖤 love most of u !

[fangirleaconmigo]

Hey folks and friends! Guess who is kinda sort back? ME!

As you probably know from my downstream posts, my sister had a major health crisis and I moved her and her cats in with me and my dogs, and there was a major operation then chemo.

It has been a little over six months and I have been just...I don't know how to even describe my state of mind, especially during the weeks I actively thought she was dying. Just. I was fucked. Let's just say that.

But the good news is, she was declared cancer free last week (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE) and we are trying to put our lives back together as a family, and I am trying to put my mental health back together.

A big part of my mental health is the act of nerdery. Book analysis. Writing. Creativity. It's a hugely important outlet for me.

So if you missed me or my writing at all, just know I missed being here even more.

To anyone who commented on my posts about her or sent me messages or asks, thank you so so so much for your kindness. It mattered to see that humanity and goodness still exists on the internet.

I'm gently wading back in.

I hope you are all well. And we will see if people are still interested in my witcher content. I went through the tag, and I don't know many of the creators now, and the folks I follow have seemed to mostly moved on to other fandoms.

So I'll be finding more folks to follow and boost (not to worry, I don't unfollow mutuals for leaving my fandom. We're buds now). But if you have any blogs to recommend lemme know.

See you around my friends! Oh, and I'm gonna start working through my asks and inbox tomorrow.

xoxo

[pillow-priestess]

I stumbled across your blog and I'm curious about plushsuits in general. I've never heard the term before, but I've already been doing some pretty furry, and big, OC plushie sewing, so it sounds like something that might be up my alley.

Ooh, lovely, thank you! I just took a look at some of your work and it does seem like a concept you might enjoy!

In fiction: A plushsuit is basically a hybrid of a plushie and a fursuit or other costume. So while I am very big and soft and huggable and cuddlable, I can also open my zipper for friends to step inside and wear me! For me, personally, my inside is pretty much a pocket dimension of incredibly soft warm fluff. I can compress it and give it barriers to simulate a physically accurate 'inside' of my form, allowing the person within to wear me and move both of our bodies as one. Sometimes, though, they prefer to simply float in an endless ocean of stuffing, holding my knit heart or letting their form be massaged and fluffed up into another plushie or suit! No matter what, I'll be keeping them safe and happy the whole time.

Not all plushsuit OCs follow these particular rules! Everyone's sonas are different, and plushsuits can be unique in so many beautiful ways. For some really lovely art of many different suits, I recommend checking out @Archer_Mouse, @meltyautumn, @inabunstar, and @hyenafu 's #mushy stuff tag!

In real life: Plushsuit as a term can be applied to a couple different things, but it's easiest to think of them as an extra soft and thick fursuit. Suits with extra stuffed bellies, limbs, tails, the works! They can be standard suits, quadsuits, bitchsuits, and more, but more often than not cover the wearer completely and are designed to be soft to wear and to hug. While I don't have one myself, I'd love to commission one someday!

A couple excellent plushsuits and wearers to look out for: @LinkyWollf makes some truly excellent suits, one of which was sold to @MaddyFox_AD! She takes beautiful pictures of her nullsuit, really comfy looking if you like the restricting nature of a suit. @plush_army makes some great suits too!

If this kind of stuff sounds like your wheelhouse, I really recommend checking out more of it on various sites! It's both a kink and an aspiration for a whole lot of us, and everyone connects differently and shows that through their own creations. Your crafts seem full of love and care, I'd be thrilled to watch you express your interest in plushsuits in the future! Thanks again for the ask, I'm always happy to explain all this and shoutout several of my favorite creators <3

#plushsuit #all these artists are the best btw go comm them

[dinoshimaaa]

woah (i think?) first genshin written piece on this blog hmmm

so i've been obsessing over sagau lately but make it that not everyone worships the character + kazuha being one of them!!!!!!!!! bc taking kazuha's character into account he just doesn't seem like one to devote all his life to some random god that "supposedly" created him so!!!!! contribution to kazuha kissers and sagau eaters ig

story is also based on how FUCKING spiteful i am mthat kazuboy didnt come home and sent one (1) heizou instead. who needs kazuha when you have heizou (delusional but also actually starting to like heizou)

she/her pronouns for reader/The Creator, @foxic sorry if you didn't want to be pinged (please let me know if its ok with you) but i wrote something finally hehehhe

ty @souglias for screaming over what i wrote, lots and lots of emotional support <3333

-

There is one thing that not everyone knows about Kazuha, and it is that he does not like The Creator.

It is not that he hates her, but he does not idolise her like the rest of Teyvat. Kaedehara Kazuha has never been one to bind himself to religion and worship — he is a leaf in the wind, a sailboat out at sea, constantly wandering to where his surroundings take him. Kaedehara Kazuha does not anchor himself to one place or one person because it is just not something he would do.

However, Kazuha has heard the multiple times The Creator has tried reaching out to him with affectionate words and actions that clearly spoke of her devotion to him. Words after words of her admiration and hope that he would be a property of hers filled Kazuha’s mind everyday. And while it made Kazuha feel slightly guilty that he did not return The Creator’s feelings, it still did not change the fact that he would not come home to her to be controlled by her.

So when The Creator had tried to use her hard earned Intertwined Fates to wish for him, he expertly dodged them, refusing to let an outside force take control of his own body and use him to her will. Just like he expected, he got weird looks from the characters waiting to drop down from the skies above into the arms of their beloved creator.

It didn’t mean that he didn’t feel bad when The Creator groaned when the zombie child from Liyue, Qiqi, dropped down instead of him though. His friend Shikanoin Heizou, who had yet to come home to The Creator, also noticed his hesitance and reluctance.

“Why don’t you just go home to her?” Heizou raised an eyebrow, noting the way Kazuha’s ones furrowed as he looked down at The Creator. “She’s been hoping you would come to her since last year. It’s not everyone that catches The Creator’s eye. Sure, I understand why you aren’t worshipping her like everyone else does, but since you feel bad, why don’t you just… well, go?”

Kazuha does not say a word.

Heizou sighs and scratches his head as a divine light shines down upon him, indicating his time to drop down to The Creator. “Oh well, you do you, friend. I’m also not religious, but I don’t think it would hurt to humour The Creator for a while.” He pats Kazuha’s back with a sympathetic smile before jumping from the skies into The Creator’s world.

Kazuha watches as his friend becomes The Creator’s newest vessel, who was still upset that the red samurai did not return home. His mind was in turmoil, a big contrast to how it would usually be clear and free after the Vision Hunt Decree ended. He knew that The Creator would inevitably use his body as a vessel once he came home, which was exactly what he was dreading, but a part of him wondered if he was being far too mean to someone who had been relentlessly hoping for him— only him— to come home to her.

Do you hate me that much? Kazuha hears The Creator’s soft voice in his head.

I do not know, he replies in his head, in hopes that The Creator will accept his sincere apology that does not hold any promise of relieving her distress.

-

Kazuha thinks he’s dreaming when he sees the divine Creator strolling around in Inazuma in all her glory.

As surreal as it might have seemed, there was no doubting the identity of the divine entity walking around Inazuma City with the Shogun. Even if he convinced himself otherwise, the constant chattering of the admiring and curious onlookers would continue to deny him. Even your striking appearance could wash away all doubts of a non-believer. Naturally, everyone would be curious of The Creator’s sudden appearance in Teyvat, because she was believed to have controlled the world from another dimension and never step foot in her own creation, but also because you were so dazzling and divine that even Kazuha’s breath was taken away when he caught a glimpse of you.

What was truly a sight to behold, however, was that the Shogun, one of your (self-proclaimed) most devoted acolytes, was following you around like an affectionate puppy. The Shogun. The Raiden Shogun, the Electro Archon, User of the Musou no Hitotachi, Her Excellency The Almighty Narukami Ogosho, was following you around like a lovesick fool, bidding to every demand (or rather, polite request) you gave her. Tomo would’ve loved to see this.

A part of Kazuha knew that he would eventually need to meet you at least once, since one: he already knew that you were inclined towards him slightly more than the other vision holders in Inazuma, and two: you seemed pretty adamant about meeting all the vision holders in Inazuma. And even if they wanted to refuse meeting you (not like any of them, apart from Kazuha, were against meeting your excellency), who in their right mind would reject seeing their very own creator?

Kazuha, that’s who. He’s sure you already know he isn’t as fond of you as Teyvat is, so he’s been dragging his inevitable meeting with you. Even when you look around in hopes of meeting a certain white haired samurai, even when Thoma and Ayaka convince him to just say hi to you, even when Ayato and Yae Miko try threatening him into meeting with your divine self, Kazuha always finds a way out to not see you.

But when he hears from the citizens that you’ve been walking around Narukami Island with Detective Heizou, one of his closest friends, he already knows today may as well be the day that you finally see the man who has been rejecting you from a different world.

(Despite him convincing himself that he does not like you, a sick, egoistic part of him wants to see you run up to him and profess your love for him.)

Kazuha curls his hands in fists and gulps when he sees you and Heizou approaching. When Heizou spots him, he excitedly tugs at your sleeve and pulls you over to a smiling Kazuha.

“I suppose you already know who Kazuha is, Your Grace,” Heizou winks, and you laugh lightly, not meeting Kazuha’s eyes. “After all, he’s the man who has been playing hard to get, constantly refusing to be your vessel before you entered this world.”

Yikes, Kazuha groans internally, but keeps his smiling facade on. Way to go, Heizou.

(Kazuha wonders what you will do when his eyes meet yours. He wonders if you would blush or stutter over your words cutely. He wonders if you would shyly tug on his clothes and ask if you could spend more time with him. He wonders how he would respond to that question.)

When his eyes really meet yours, he expects to see some emotion. All you do is stare wordlessly for a second before smiling and turning back to Heizou, greatly surprising Kazuha.

“Is he your friend?” You try asking the detective, who is in a similar state of shock as he is. Seems like he wasn’t the only one expecting you to swoon over the samurai on first meeting (but really, who with dignity would do that in public, let alone The Creator?)

“Uh… yeah! He just returned from a trip with Captain Beidou from Liyue, so you’ve chosen the right time to visit Inazuma if you want to meet the one and only Kaedehara Kazuha,” Heizou replies awkwardly, desperate eyes searching Kazuha’s in a silent request for answers. “Um, Your Grace, is there anywhere you’d like to visit? Perhaps Kazuha would like to accompany you— Kazuha, hey, say hi to Her Grace—”

“Ah, it’s fine,” you interject, to Kazuha’s and Heizou’s surprise again. “I’m sure Kazuha’s tired from journeying around with Captain Beidou, so we should spare him the trouble and give him time to rest.” With that said, you give a curt respectful bow to Kazuha before walking off towards Tenshukaku, Heizou following behind dazed and confused.

Not as confused as Kazuha, though. The samurai’s face twists in shock when you walk by him nonchalantly. No longing looks, no flustered face, no hopeful words, nothing he had expected you to give him. Just a polite but distant attitude and would’ve fooled him into thinking that you never cared about him in the first place.

But that can’t be, because way before you arrived in Teyvat, he had heard your constant pleas for him to come home to you, to finally be yours so you could use him as one of your favourite vessels. He was not oblivious to your desire for him, so why…?

(How odd. He should be enjoying the fact that you aren’t clinging to him, but the strange ache in his heart suggests otherwise.)

Before he can stop himself, he turns around and loudly calls out, “Wait…!” successfully gaining your attention. Kazuha didn’t know what overcame him when he decided to call for you without reason, and now you’re staring at him curiously. Heizou, on the other hand, had a slightly amused look on his face, since he was not expecting Kazuha, the Kazuha who had always rejected your advances, to call for your attention after you nearly ignored him.

That makes two of us, then. Kazuha gulps and puts on an apologetic, reassuring smile. “Sorry about that, I was mistaken about something. Please enjoy your stay in Inazuma, Your Grace.”

(Kazuha somehow dislikes the way you nod politely at him again before turning away, never once looking back at him.)

-

Kaedehara Kazuha has not been feeling well since you arrived.

Ironically enough, it wasn’t because of your presence, but the opposite. There was no effort needed in order to avoid you, because you just never seemed to look for him. He did try to take his mind off this, and it did work for a while— until he walked out of Komore Teahouse and saw you and Heizou giggling while walking out of Inazuma City together.

You and Heizou. Heizou and you.

You and Heizou.

Heizou and you.

Kazuha doesn’t deny the envy that comes when he sees his own friend hanging around the divine Creator so freely. (And perhaps it wasn’t just simple envy.)

That wasn’t the only time that made him wish he had been nicer in his attitude towards you. The other time when he was in the teahouse, he walked across a private room that so happened to house you and Heizou that day, and let’s just say that Kamisato Ayato should’ve made the walls more soundproof.

“I’m not sure, Heizou,” you laugh, but anyone can hear the small dejected feeling in your voice. “I get the feeling that he doesn’t like me very much.”

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who that “he” refers to. “Your Grace, please don’t say that,” Kazuha hears the frown in Heizou’s voice, “He is just unable to adhere to your desires because of… certain reasons, but I promise you he doesn’t dislike you as much as you think.”

“Well that clearly wasn’t the case when I tried wishing for him, only for him to reject me twice,” you’re clearly joking when you say that. A part of Kazuha wonders just how much sadness you were masking when you said that. “I’m afraid I’ve unknowingly done something to upset him.”

Through the thin translucent walls of the teahouse, Kazuha sees Heizou’s silhouette put his hand on top of yours. He doesn’t bother to watch the conversation unfold any further and walks away.

By now, he had come to a devastating conclusion that perhaps he was more fond of you than he thought. He had been constantly trying to convince himself with his own morals, thinking his strong personal ideals could overpower the small part of him that admired you. Perhaps that small part of him, too, wanted to be yours, belong to you, and only you, contrasting his belief in leading his own life completely. Perhaps that small part of him, too, did accept you as his Creator and wished to be able to show the love that he had hidden for you all along.

And perhaps that small part of you, he might daresay, was jealous of Heizou for spending time with you.

The thought alone makes Kazuha want to pull all his hair out. It felt impossible for Kazuha, possibly the only vision holder to reject being The Creator’s vessel, to be jealous of someone who had every right to be loved by The Creator because he came home to her when he asked her to. This was retribution. It was his fault for rejecting you in the first place, and now he reaps what he sows.

His migraine is not at all relieved by more intruding thoughts of you and Heizou being together. Images flash in his head at random times with no apparent reason, all of which include you and Heizou being affectionate together. Laughing together, holding hands, feeding fried food to each other, going on strolls together, maybe even sharing an intimate kiss—

Kazuha’s cheeks flush in a dark red at the mere thought of it. What an unpleasant feeling. Forget you, what would anyone think of him imagining obscene images of The Creator in his head?

“Oh, Kazuha— Hey, you’re unusually red, are you alright?” Fortunately (or unfortunately), you rush over and break Kazuha’s train of thoughts. He only flushes more when you lean in to measure his forehead temperature with your hand, pure concern written all over your face.

“Goodness,” you pull back and bite your bottom lip — bless your caring self — “Kazuha, your body temperature is a bit high… do you need to rest somewhere? I can help you over—”

“Your Grace,” Kazuha interrupts you and wraps a hand around your wrist, using it to pull you towards him. It does nothing to stop the raging blush on his face, but said blush appears to have spread a little bit to you.

This time, he forces you to look him in the eyes for real. You don’t look away or ignore him or leave him hanging with a curt bow. He asks for your attention, all of it for a short while, through eye contact. You let him do so through silent consent.

“I…” Kazuha gulps, like he did many times during your first meeting, “I apologise for my rash behaviour, Your Grace. Please forgive me for this, and forgive me for my doubts towards you.”

You don’t speak, so he continues. The expression on his face is no longer flustered, but ashamed and regretful. “I wasn’t too keen on meeting you because a part of me didn’t want to acknowledge you as my Creator, my ruler, my god, and perhaps… I might’ve liked you more than I gave you credit for. I understand if you’re upset that I rejected you when you asked me to come home many times before—”

“No, no!” You interject nervously. “I- well, I didn’t want to force you home if you didn’t want to, so you don’t have to blame yourself over that.”

You’re not quite sure why the Kazuha before you is greatly different from the Kazuha in Teyvat when you were wishing for him. What caused his change of heart?

“...Your Grace, I must admit…”

Threats?

“I’ve been feeling a little peculiar lately…”

Influence?

“I was wondering if you would know about it. It only happens on certain occasions…”

Guilt?

“Like when you and… Detective Heizou were walking around together.”

Jea— oh.

Oh.

Oh!

“Don’t tell me you suddenly fell in love with me because Heizou was being friendly to me,” You teased him, “Goodness, just what must I do to gain your attention for once?”

“Huh?”

“I…” You awkwardly tuck your hair behind your ear, admitting, “I didn’t want to bother you in this world because I thought you would continue to dislike me.”

Kazuha stills, his expression morphing into one of regret and love. “My sincerest apologies, Your Grace. I never intended to make you feel unloved by me. I was earlier doubtful of my devotion to you, but it seems that the winds have brought me my answer.”

There is one thing that no one knows about Kazuha except you, and it is that he does not love you, he does not worship you, and he does not wish to be at your every beck and call because you are his god.

Or so he says, because if anyone saw how softly he was caressing and looking at you under the sakura trees of Inazuma City, they would think otherwise, artists would start painting a portrait of the two of you, and poets would immediately begin writing about how The Creator had finally chosen her favourite acolyte.

#dinowrites #genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #heizou #shikanoin heizou #kazuha #kaedehara kazuha #kazuha x reader #kaedehara kazuha x reader #sagau #sagau genshin #sagau x reader

[yallemagne]

This year, I'm not doing Dr*cula D*ily

Or any other substack but DD is the biggest. I have numerous reasons for this decision that none of y'all are gonna particularly care for, but ya know, just so we got our expectations in order: I'm not gonna participate in DD this year (maybe never again), I'm probably not gonna reblog many posts related to it (doing so would be counterintuitive), but I am holding myself to finishing Orice (at LEAST the base fic).

Now, why?

TL;DR: Mental health crisis brought on by internet harassment and overprioritizing social media. It's not fun anymore, folks.

DD just... it completely ruined the novel for me.

It was a nice phenomenon, but it took a wrecking ball to my mental health and self-worth. Now, I'm not saying DD's creator personally did something to spite me (or maybe I am, he knows what he did /j), but this whole thing? It wasn't good for me. It was never good. It was sometimes fun, but most of the time it made me want to end it because of thumblr notes.

That's fucking stupid. My life is not worth internet validation. My art is not worthless just because my numbers are not as big as the biggest big shots in the fandom. I'm not a horrible person when other people handle personal disagreements regarding headcanon with defaming rumours and impersonation. But hell! My view of reality was horribly skewed.

A while back, I unfollowed all the gothlit tags I previously followed because 1) Some people (active and popular members of the fandom, mind you, not bots or trolls) were posting honest-to-god name-dropping harassment in the tag because "it's a popular tag so more people will see my callout post" and 2) I reached a point where seeing anything related to the novel on my dash just set me off. It didn't even need to be drama-related anymore. Mentions of the characters, mentions of popular AUs, just the very content of this book became triggering to me, and I really didn't miss the content when it was gone, as sad as that is.

And the kicker? I've come to realize that I probably dislike more things about the novel than I actually like about it. Not only is it tied to some of my darkest moments in recent memory, but it's also just... a book with many flaws that I could go on and on and on about. Sometimes, it straight-up made me furious, like seething mad, and I think I'd rather just be happy. But even when I would try to channel that energy into being happy, I always felt I had to over-clarify or else I’d get bombarded with anonymous messages. If you’ve seen any of my posts from during that time… chances are there is a passive aggressive “btw people can have opposing opinions from you about an old book and it doesn’t give you leave to stone them” or several tags of “#this is a joke #a jooooooke #for the love of god #if y’all don’t stop”. I bet it was as annoying for y’all as it was for me.

P.S. Mutuals/friends, do not worry. Y'all keep doing y'all. I can and will block tags if seeing your posts triggers me. So, I suppose my only request is to properly tag, but I've been saying that from the very start.

I just want to move on to other things.

I took a break for Lent. I needed it terribly. And... not gonna lie? I almost didn't want to return. I never got an itching to just log on and "check in". I very successfully avoided tumb altogether. I came back because "I gotta come back eventually" and also like, this is my main hub where I update when I've written a fic, and ya know... I'm not gonna let toxic fandom bs rule my shit.

During my break, I got back into gaming. More specifically, I started playing Hades again. And listening to Epic the Musical. Aaaand boyyy did that bring me back to my Greek mythology phase. I have a Greek mythos/Hades sideblog btw: @areopagusimp. It's cringe, if you can't tell by the blog name.

Back when I was into Hades game and general Greek mythos, my expectations were so much smaller, but yet, my goals and will to create seemed so much bigger. I made art that no one gave a single solitary shit about (except for my friend), but I was happy. Maybe I'm wearing rose-tinted glasses, but... even if I wasn't as happy then as I remember being... haha at least I wasn't receiving threats and insults in my inbox back then :))). That was the most fun thing about the gothlit fandom. I hope every single chickenhearted angry anon is proud of their behaviour.

But yeah, whatever I end up doing, I’m striving to not let it run me into the ground.

But... What do I do now?

I have so many WIPs (art and writing) for the novel, and it's very disappointing that I didn't get to finish them before it all turned sour. Hopefully, I can still finish them, it just won't be with the same distress I worked with before. Hopefully, I can post that stuff and fully manage my expectations, not crash and burn when only a few people like it. Because hell! A few people liking my stuff? That's amazing, really. I shouldn't take that for granted. At the same time, I'm setting a boundary for myself. Placing my self-worth into the hands of people who I don't know, who don't know me, and who aren't even paying for the art? I need to stop that. Who the hell is that gonna serve? Absolutely no one.

My number one goal is to finish Orice. It is somehow untouched by my aversion to the novel; it is my safe space. I want to honour it and honour the longtime readers who have stuck with me. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be worth it for me.

This feels attention-seeking, and it kinda is. I'm not tagging the main subject and I'm not allowing reblogs because I want this to stay isolated (and hopefully prevent backlash/misunderstandings), but ya know, no matter how much I try to keep this small, I'm still posting it online. But I just feel like I needed to get this off my chest. I don't really owe everyone an explanation, but I want there to be one for my own sake... also it's much easier to generalize and make a post than contact each of my friends/mutuals on here and unload stuff onto them that I'm not sure is too personal or not.

For those of you who are reading: I love y'all. I love the good people I've met through all this mess. I want to keep the good apples, not throw out the whole harvest, alright? Dunno how much you'll care for my art when the subject is different, but... eh. If y'all are willing to try?

#i'm writing this in march #dunno when it will be posted #update

[captainkranos]

Dreaming of Metal- Part One A story for those wishing they were robots

This is my first major foray into writing, so id love constructive criticism! This is part one, and it doesn't contain any smut, but I am planning for future parts to have it. Hope you enjoy!!!

It was a cold evening. February was always cold. The local coffee shop was closed, so you had to go a lot further than usual. It was the nearest one that wasn't a chain. Starbucks was definitely worse now after the Apple buyout, and you're gonna need quite a bit of coffee if you plan to finish the coding project tonight. "602nd and 28th..." You mutter under your breath. Just a few more freezing blocks. Neo York City was big. After the Monopolization of 2350, corporations started buying out whole cities. The extra 300 streets added seemed like a good idea to most, but it really just makes the good parts of the city further away from each other.

Power walking down the sidewalk in an attempt to stay warm, a pink, blinking, neon sign catches your eyes. "Order a Robotic Companion Today! Keep you company! Great at coding!" That last tagline stuck in your mind as you remember the 457 bugs last time you tried to compile the latest project. And your last romantic partner walked out on you last week after suggesting those cybernetic enhancements... How were you supposed to know a cyborg killed their grandma? You only suggested them because you weren’t brave enough to get them installed in yourself anyways. "Dial 1-800-ROBOT today!" The number was easy to remember at least. You look down the street again, and spot the coffee shop your personal navigator directed you to. You make a mental note of the phone number, and head off to get fuel for the long night ahead of you…

“ITS DONE!” You exclaim as the compiler notes zero bugs found. It's a tool to help organize blog posts for your favorite website. The site creators should have added this years ago, but you're glad to have it done now at least. You sit in silence, appreciating your handiwork… but it's a sad silence. Your old partner helped write the start of this, and now they'll never see it completed. Your thoughts flashback to that sign you saw today. A robotic companion sounds so nice. Someone to confide in, to understand you, who would understand how you feel about robots. In a bout of weakness, you pick up your holophone, and mash in the phone number that's been spinning in your head all day. 

“Q.P.R.A.U. Robotics! Where we match you with the moving metal of your dreams! How can we meet your emotional needs today?” The voice on the other end sounds synthesized, but not automated. “Uhhh Hi? I think I'm looking for a companion bot?” “Sure! How would you rate your emotional starvation from one to ten?” Even though it's only been a week, the rate at which your apartment deteriorated into disrepair would put a bull in a china shop to shame. “...Ten” “And would you like to sign up for our alternate payment services?” Oh thank goodness. You really didn’t want to shell out too much for this. Most companies use these alternate options as a way to obtain and sell your data. A body scan or a blood donation will usually make rent much easier to pay each month if you want to buy something nice. “Yes I would.” “Great! We will have your order shipped out to you within 3-6 weeks! Have a great day!” The call ends. You never gave them a name or a shipping address? Maybe they scraped it from your IP address? You really didn't care. As long as a friend gets shipped in the mail, you would put up with anything.

March. It's been a tough few weeks. The coding commissions have been few and far between. At least the apartment complex therapist is back on call. He has really been helping you get through the emotional weeds of life. KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK You peel yourself up from the chair in your office and over to the door. It's probably the neighbors again, their cat is quite the escape artist. Opening the door, standing in the hallway is a synth, with a metal box the size of a large person. If they were not a robot, you would ask to help with it, but you know that their electronic muscles are at least 100 times stronger than yours. You wish you could lift that much… “Is this the residency of anon?” “Yeah… what's this?” “Your package! Courtesy of Q.P.R.A.U. Robotics!” You had forgotten everything about that night. Getting hammered off of French nano-wine tends to do that to you. “Do I need to sign anything?” “Nope! Heres your package!” The synth walked into your apartment and placed the box right in the center of the entryway. It came down with a rather hefty thud. You already knew the downstairs neighbors would be filing a complaint. “Have a nice day! And good luck with the alternative payment services!” The synth walks out with a jolly expression. They always seem happy, probably because they are made of metal… Glancing back at the metal box in your entryway snaps your thoughts back to reality. How the hell are you going to move this anywhere? Your eyes are drawn to a blinking red button on the side you hadn't noticed before. Hopefully it’s the “Open” button and not “Self-Destruct”. With all the confidence you can muster, you press the button and wait for something to happen. An agonizing silence follows, until distinct gear turning and motor wrrring noises begin to emanate from the box. Like a birthday present made of tinfoil, the metal begins to unwrap itself and pour an unknown smoke out into your apartment. Your first thoughts are of the fire dampening systems firing off, but knowing your landlord, they probably haven't worked for years.

The smoke clears, the metal lies in a pile at your feet, and a shiny silver figure stands before you. Its form is definitely feminine in origin, but the steel plates that make up the body are all that fill your mind. They have to be at least a foot taller than you, as you stare up into its blank but imposing expression. “Uhh… Hello?” A rather cute set of chimes ring out from a circular design in the machine’s chest as pink lights spread outward from the center out to the limbs. The last line of lights to reach its goal is the one moving towards the head, as the eyes fill with light and the body hums with the moving of cogs and belts It’s head slowly turns towards you and a smile creeps up its face as a mixture of fear and excitement fills your heart.

“Hello! I'm Daniella and I'll be your new mistress!”

#robot #robot writing #robot smut #kranos' writing

[boyswanna-be-her]

that was truly an insanely out of pocket ask. anyway it makes me happy to hear about what makes you happy, and how your day to day is going, and what you're excited about. hope you have a good rest of your day <3

Thanks! Their apology meant a world of difference to me. The ask also lead to me reaching out directly to FIVE different long time IRL friends who had seen me in the past three days before receiving the ask. Getting a temp check with people who have known you a long time and seen you recently is definitely helpful, and although the ask made me spiral for like 2 hours, it also generated some unexpectedly affirming conversations, where people who have all known me since 2005-2008 all independent of one another basically said that they had indeed noticed that I'm more talkative and outgoing lately, but that it hadn't pinged them in any sort of concerning way. I fuck heavily with the opinion esp of 3/5 of the people in this regard because that proportion of this group had previously reached out to me in a panic worried about me because they perceived me as so sad/detached. Two of them in particular got me engaged with environmental volunteering immediately after all my 2018 bullshit where I was in super heavy PTSD territory, and I can directly credit them for a lot of connections and drives I have today. And 2 of them have also conducted mandatory wellness checks when I didn't communicate with them often enough via text for them to be comfy. And I love them for that in ways they'll never really understand.

Anyway. The general message was that nobody had been alarmed, the ask seemed out of left field to them (they don't read my blog, but they're all aware of it and tumblr-smart), and that they'd all been happy to be happy for me this year.

No ragrets. If nothing else, being able to reach out to so many friends who have been with me for so long but also so recently was validating, and that none of them were worried about me is great. I don't think I would've had any other impetus to request all those low-consequence feedback seshes had I not received the ask. None of the people pinged have anything to gain from lying to me and again, in the past, the majority have not had a problem expressing concern about my mental health.

So like. Yeah that shit threw me super hard yesterday and I immediately re-evaluated the way that I express myself here and elsewhere. I feel like I had recently re-channeled my early days of tumblr where everything was highly unfiltered, capslock and screaming in tags was quite normal, I was a small fish in a big pond, etc--because that's when it was an exciting era for me as a creator on here. I miss a lot of that energy.

And full disclosure, in my relationship before last, the one that really and truly broke my heart on top of losing Jonathan to suicide, we didn't share ANYTHING publicly. And I was so deep. And then they broke up with me horribly a month after Jonathan died and I found him!!!!!... well, how could anyone on the outside mourn a relationship they didn't know about when my RECENTLY (for my safety lol) ex-husband had just died horrifiecally? They didn't know. The scale was so weird for everyone but me. Only a handful of people even knew I was in a new relationship that i perceived as supportive and, like, a soulmate type gig. I was so sure of everything that I didn't share ANYTHING and that super fucked me over in the end.

It was awful and alienating and I wished all along that we had shared more. So I don't wanna do that shit anymore. I'm excited about shit in my life and people in my life and meeting people and finding gigs and I don't want input on that, so please treat me like the 38 year old human being I am. I have been through more bullshit than you could possibly understand, even if you read every post I ever made here, even if you were my best friend who I told everything to (doesn't exist but good concept). Assumptions are unwelcome. I'm old and I'm angry and I have energy and that's what's up. I just want people to be on board to see this middle aged piece of shit maybe like find a reason to live again and not die alone.

[gremzoff]

have you ever stopped whining to think that maybe,, just maybe, the hate you receive is true? Without whining and crying about it? That maybe, just maybe you're just not…good enough? Or as good as everyone else? People care about the 'basic' ocs because theyre just? Entertaining? Or maybe the artstyle is good? Have you thought about that? Obviously people will idolize who they think is cool. Also, you're 18? You're an adult now. And youre acting like this? Crying and getting your snot everywhere because you arent getting as much attention as the bigger blogs/creators? Or because your oc isnt that loved? Because the fandom got bigger and so the creators with actually good content are getting more notes? Is this your first fandom experience? I thought you were -12 y/o before seeing the bright "18" (shocked). Every fandom has its flaws, you said it yourself. The bigger the fandom, the bigger the flaws. Hat tipped to you for wanting to keep your peace and no longer interacting with the fandom.

Maybe before going in anon and sending these kinds of threatening/insulting asks calling others immature, you should look in the mirror. Attacking people for their personal decisions and opinions, calling them "12 yo" and immature, this is the real immature act. Why are you doing this, you need to make yourself feel tough? Anyway.

I'm not the only one complaining. If you really cared, you would look around and see I'm far from the only one nor the first complaining about these issues.

This is far from my first fandom experience, I've been in much worse places. I consider that I've grown enough since then to see and point out what's wrong in a community. I see so many new members making posts saying how this fandom feels like a "big family"- but all it takes is actually getting deeper into it to see how rotten the situation is. Idolizing isn't ok. Kissing people's toes isn't ok- and the hypocrisy of some of these people, saying, oh we should support small artists, but then they don't even take time to even look at our stuff- and again, I am not talking only about myself, we are a handful feeling this exact same way, and it's exhausting.

This feeling of anger, sadness, jealousy even maybe, us, small creators can feel towards others is normal. We are human, and we have feelings too, and we shouldn't oppress them. Maybe this is what you fail to realise, the world doesn't revolve around you, others can, too, express feelings. We are allowed to have these feelings and opinions, and real maturity is when you'll accept this fact and scroll past posts that upset you, instead of sending hate.

This has been an exhausting journey. I'm not going to say this fandom has been the worst I've ever joined, like I said, I've been in much darker places. But this is definitely the first time I witnessed such behaviour with my own eyes- sometimes, it almost felt like a cult. And I am not saying this to play around with words and exaggerate my feelings as a shock value, it just takes basic understanding of human behaviour to see what's wrong. This fandom may seem friendly for some, but it isn't the case for everyone, especially if you have experience, and you've been here for a while.

Even if I'm grateful towards this community for some things -like my ocs, my friends, but also the fact I've improved my skills a lot during this journey- , I definitely feel bitter for all the negativity I felt. Between people bashing me for my creations, self doubt and anxiety for not being "good enough", not being able to keep up with posting everyday on my askblogs, or just this uncomfortable feeling of constantly getting thrown under the bus by people who are "more popular". Seriously, nobody would want to meet people who are somewhat known in the community, all that to realise that even in "small" fandoms, people will think they are better than you, and won't hesitate to step on you and almost erase you, but then their fragile ego gets shattered as soon as you dare to speak out about these issues, or worse, express your opinion about not liking their stuff.

I have so many things to say. I hope you get off of your chair and go take a bowl of fresh air outside, because you definitely need it, and probably on the way, look at yourself and reflect on your own behaviour.

#grem stuff #anon #onceler #tw onceler #also you must be determined to send anon hate to me since you went to my alt lmao

[welcome-to-roomba-fazbender]

from the bottom of my heart thank you all 5,000 posts in just 3 years is a massive achievement so much has happened in that time! i’ve made friends, lost friends and improved alot over time! 

charlie’s not going anywhere anytime soon and hell even if some things don’t go well it will keep going strong! april 5th 2023 will be his 4th birthday and 2024 will be his 5th birthday and trust me he’ll be around for thoes too! 

but 5,000 posts is the goal i’d like to celebrate today and heres hoping to another 5,000! 

down below are people included in this image who have been a big part of charlie’s history and i wouldn’t be here without them so thank you everyone and ... STAY CURSED 

https://www.instagram.com/aj_pog_/ ((they made the photo of myself i used in this image))

https://www.youtube.com/c/VoicesInTheDarkness ((dyl in the dark))

@not-robert it’s robert owned by my close friend jack 

@chuck-the-fanboy it’s chuck owned by my close friend charlie!

both jack and charlie have been in my lives since at least 2020 maybe sooner they are both extremely close friends and i am glad to have them in my life they’ve helped me so much 

@gemnis-trash-fazbenders ran by a great friend named owl! i’ve known them well before charlie existed jeez it’s been such a long time i can’t even remember!

but they are a wonderful friend and also run this blog from time to time! which i find pretty neat too! ((it’s also canon to the story!))

@official-sk8ter-mangle charlie’s old daughter mangle an old relic of charlie’s past but someone i still hold dear 

@adeptfrank we’ve had at least one interaction on our blogs together but even so we’ve kept up to date and talk from time to time! they are a pretty rad person

@balloon-boy-gang-official a blog that doesn't get the attention it deserves this person despite the low activity stays determined and active! only interacted once but they seem pretty cool!

@tired-t-rex a long time friend as well! and a real vet around the blog even making charlie a wonderful gift for his 1st offical birthday gotta love red vs blue!

@casmoswhitewall a new person around the blog but still important! they are the owner and creator of the imposter charlie! and a lovely person in general

@journalistsobssession our interaction is one that i’ll remember dearly they are one of the few people who kept charlie his orginal size and also made a fantastic meme about him in the process ((also i love their verion of ghostface super pog!))

@directdogman what can i say about doggo? an amazing guy and hell without him charlie wouldn’t exist in the first place! a huge inspiration and even if charlie eventually separate's from his origin i’ll still have doggo to thank for inspiring me to create!

hell within days of creating charlie’s blog doggo was there and that meant everything back then and still does

@scp-wiki-offical sadly no longer active but they were an important part of charlie’s history and even if they don’t remember him i remember it all because of the interaction we had charlie is at least known by the scp community! so thats a step up in my book! plus the person who ran the blog was a real sweet heart 

@issactikket might not have interacted much on this account but i’ll never forget our first interaction of confusion and fear i’ll be supporting them thru and thru we’re still friends and talk thru discord!  

@ask-noelleholiday a real sweetheart and one of the only deltarune blogs i’ve interacted with and anyone who can put up with charlie is a peach in my eyes they also have a really pleasing art style!

@dasabucket one of the first damn people i interacted with and i can never forget them! thankfully we still keep in contact! and i love their lil bubblegum animtronic simon! a real blast from the past 

@jack-o-phantom met them in October 2020 and are still fast friends who i’ve had multiable interactions with over the past 2 years we’ve known eachother! i think the first ask i sent them was something about who’s worse charlie or william afton hehehe nothing but good memories!

@vsemily the legend themself! a relic of the past but an important one! they were the one who in response to charlie made a comic that i still go back and look at! they are someone who has inspired me deeply much like doggo 

they never give up and stay truth to themself plus their own projects and content i love to see! and we might not talk much but they are one amazing person

@lemonysakuras a few interactions here and there i love their oc rowan and had to include em! we’ve had plenty of interactions in the past and i am sure we’ll have even more in the future

@cook-ie-chip the creator of charlie’s blue prints and one of the first dsaf blog’s i interacted with back when they were still posting content for it! she’s basically my sister at this point and i love and care for her deeply 

@fishymom-art defiantly one of the most fun people i’ve interacted with another person i’ve known for about 2 years and defiantly has one of the best charlie designs i’ve seen drawn a close friend and we still support eachother to this day 

i wish i could say more i am just not the best at words lol

@animdude-official ... they might be gone from tumblr but they will never be forgotten! a hero in the fnaf community and a real legend untill the end! i am glad we got the chance to interact when we had the chance 

their are many more people of course but these are most the people that i mostly still keep in contact with! all played a huge part in my life and i am sorry for anyone i forgot to mention but rest assured your still important!

one more time i’d like to say thank you and see you on the flipside!

#important post #extremely important #charlie the phone guy #charlie the cursed phone guy #abandon charlie #legacy verse #roomba jack #roomba dave #roomba matt #roomba freddy fazbender #roomba breadbear #gunny the gunwalrus #sliverjack the walrus #STOMPER OF THE FOREST #birthday raccoon #Robert the cannibal phone guy #chuck the fanboy #dyl in the dark #official-sk8ter-mangle #adeptfrank #balloon-boy-gang-official #tired-t-rex #casmoswhitewall #journalistsobssession #worms on a string #phonegingi #mod monnie #directdogman #Gemni the phone guy #Doctor Blaire Roth

[lyraeon]

.

i think my problem, at least on some level

is that I want to be allowed to just be an idiot for a while

but i don't know how to not know the answer to something without it feeling like the end of the world

like this was meant as a joke post but no i?? think i accidentally just hit the nail on the head?

the hot metal embarrassment pouring through my veins any time I'm incorrect or just don't know something I Should

and obviously there are plenty of things i don't know and no way anyone could know all of them and very frequently i am able to act completely normal about not knowing something and have it go by without it being a big deal or even noticing

like i don't need to know every recipe for every dish ever, i think it would be hard to get me to feel cornered on a food question unless you were deliberately trying

hell i can't even think of any specific examples of things I've not known and gotten mortified over recently

but the fear is so strong???

like i think it or rather whatever the root fear it's a piece of is the thing slowly shutting me down lately, making my world smaller and smaller

i probably just don't like being wrong

but it's it's taken "not playing nicely with my OCD" and turned it into

geez this really was meant to be a joke post

but yeah it's just the constant state in there

wow

hmm

yeah this was just supposed to be a joke about how my problem is I'm tired of being mom-coded because it means I'm not allowed to be an idiot without it being a sign of severe negligence, and my friends who are just unabashedly dumbasses seem to have so much more fun and don't have to look like sticks in the mud constantly

and that most the creators i admire are just goofballs doing stuff purely on passion, without the apparent raw talent or time that the others around them possess, and are often having to work 10x as hard cuz of it but that they're still doing it and they're being delightful

idk

like i thought this was gonna be a mostly funny post saying that girls should be allowed to be idiots too

I've made a lot of those before

instead now I've gotta write some stuff down to talk to my therapist about re: my OCD

don't blog after midnight peeps

#don't mind me just journaling in public #mental health /

[gojonanami]

truly it’s ridiculous— I’ve never gotten hate before expressing liking a same sex ship — it’s saddening to think how much hate others may get just from shipping them more forthrightly on their blogs. i really see no point in sending hate to anyone — it won’t change anything except send bad energy into the world.

honestly, to me, it seems as though... once you get "big," you're bound to get hate as horrible as it sounds :(

(i am NOT excusing this behaviour by ANY MEANS – it's just my observation from lingering on tumblr for a long while...)

people seem to feel very strongly about this whether they're aggressively pro "satoru-and-suguru-are-soulmates-beyond-death-and-their-bond-transcends-all-sorts-of-boundaries-and-they-were-born-to-shoujo-but-were-forced-to-shounen" or "satoru-and-suguru-are-the-bestest-of-friends,-not-lovers,-but-their-bond-is-still-super-special-even-if-not-romantic-and-it-not-being-romantic-doesn't-mean-that-it's-not-special-and-their-close-friendship-puts-into-question-the-suggestion-that-"romantic"-love-is-somehow-"higher"-than-friendship-and-questions-how-we-represent-close-friendships-in-media".

i don't believe that either interpretation is "right," but a lot of people do, and those who tend to be on extreme end of either end of the spectrum of opinions/interpretations tend to, in my experience, be more driven to be vocal about it and even send hate.

in my experience, i've seen both ends do it. i've seen "x reader" creators being disparaged for writing "x reader" fics as it doesn't fit with their pre-assumed expectations of that character's love life.

and i've seen ships be disparaged to as it's not "canon," and/or gay. or because they prefer other ships (e.g. satoru x suguru over nanami x satoru, or maki x nobara over maki x yuta, etc.)

i'm so sorry you experienced 'hate mail' though as that's really very awful. and it's horrible that your followers received it, too.

i hope that receiving 'hate mail' won't deter you from writing on this website as your stories are truly wonderful. (but, if at some point you feel like it does, i'll understand.)

oh yeah for sure — it truly doesn’t bother me much, because I have a thick skin, so I find it mostly ridiculous It makes me mad when these people send hate to my followers because it’s so insane to me to go that far

I really can see the relationship for satosugu either way and I don’t really see the problem in viewing it either way. I saw them as best friends for a long time, and eventually I started to see them in a romantic sense. I don’t understand why send people hate for something so inconsequential— who cares what other people ship? If you don’t wanna see it, just block them — simple as that.

I’m fine babe 💕🥹 I appreciate your concern — it’s truly not that big of a deal. I see hate and I only respond when I see it’s necessary— otherwise I just block and put it out of my mind. It’s very easy when I have such lovely followers like you and everyone else 💕🥹

#sab [asks] #sab [anons]

[ilgaksu]

🎉 and 💔 for the fic writer asks?

from this series of fic writer asks

🎉 What leads you to consider a fic a success?

definitely engagement. i actually have several fics abandoned currently because of lack of engagement.

(the one that came to my mind immediately is the fic discussing hei xiazi's past as a sex worker in canon, which never did as well as i hoped, but also i had very limited hopes for the appeal of a fic about a cis and very masc man's relationship to female-oriented sex work. it is, however, entirely accurate to the actual sex work industry in the country he was operating in, as well as refusing to view sex work with anything but respect for a profession. do i sound bitter? i'm a little bit bitter.)

in my original writing career, engagement is less of a pressing issue to me because i have exchanged actual money or some other form of renumeration for labour. fic for me is less a handing over an item (because outside of a commission, you haven't paid for access to it and also then do not take any ownership of it or rights to it) and more of a form of communication with other fans. i want the influencer-capitalism shift of fan subculture into content creators and content consumers as two separate groups to die in a fire, actually. subcultures should not seek to mimic the dominant culture; modern fandom was created, as i've said before to a friend, by a group of women in a house talking about star trek, who had the audacity to treat each other as equals to each other and to men, when the world refused to view any of them as such. there is no such thing as "more equal than others" outside of animal farm, and especially not based on productivity.

having said that, i think if i was pretending that engagement isn't part of the reason i'm spending my limited time on earth writing two fictional and borrowed people, i would be being disingenuous. i am using it as a form of communication and communion with other people who love the thing i love, and the fic itself is a way of me expressing and processing my love, especially in a sociohistorical era where we are often far more distanced from who we want to be in community with. everyone wants their work and love to be acknowledged, and the use of their time, especially when it's on something that is viewed as a waste of it in the dominant culture; especially when it's viewed as silly and small, because current western culture denigrates love of the silly and small, especially a big love of something that cannot be made fully marketable. and so, it's hard to feel like a little kid at show and tell with your craft project, only to feel as if all the other kids are just walking by. it's why i'm always open to questions about characterisation and construction of fics/headcanons/theories, as well as writing craft; i just don't discuss the last one unless asked very often because i dislike seeming as though i need to provide a thesis defense for my creative practice to preface my work. like, what are you, my phd supervisor?

but to go on further, because it's my blog and i can elaborate if i want to, there are other aspects too. to follow the argument for engagement further, i sometimes get comments that echo that i have verbalised or represented an experience that felt personal to someone, and personal to the point of it feeling isolating. when i specialised in trauma studies, i focused a whole dissertation on caruth's theory of the unspeakable in trauma and looked it with a literary studies focus. caruth argues, to try and condense it quickly, that trauma is the experience of an unspeakable event, and, by that argument, we can surmise that only by articulating the trauma can someone begin to process that trauma. (i think a lot about what it means to live in a current culture that is trauma-obsessed and obsessed with making our trauma marketable for the algorithm to the total invasion of privacy, and yet deeply lacking in empathy to when trauma makes a person behave outside the bounds of what they consider acceptable, btw. but that's another topic for another day.)

so, for example, getting a comment saying that someone has felt seen and heard feels incredible to me. even if that's the only comment i get on that fic, it feels like this form of communication in a world that's starved us of that kind of communication, and that will make the real work and time that goes into writing feel worthwhile.

however, overall, i've moved away from as being as metrics-focused as i once was. when i began writing in heihua fandom, for example, i assumed, with absolute certainty, that nobody was reading, that nobody was interested in what i had to say, that nothing i was writing would be viewed with grace. and as a result, i felt free in a way i hadn't in previous fandoms where i was very publically involved; if i was writing alone, just for me, what would i write? and so now a great deal of is a fic a success for me is based in: do i read it back to myself and enjoy the process of that? does it feel like, if it wasn't written by me, and i wasn't worried about egocentricity, i would acknowledge that this fic was made entirely to my own tastes? am i having fun? did i love the process?

those are the questions i try to focus on now, and so now it's about 50/50 with that and actual external engagement, which is huge progress.

💔 Is there a fic of yours that broke your heart?

OH, BOY, THIS ONE'S THE BRUTAL QUESTION.

short answer: yes, there's been several, and i immediately thought of them when you asked.

longer answer in a reply that's already had a very long answer:

several fics of mine reflect claustrophobia and hopelessness i felt at that point in my personal life. i am proud of them and i am proud of myself for them, but not because i believe the purpose of pain is to make art, or that it makes personal misery worthwhile. i am proud of them because of their honesty. they break my heart in that to look at these works at the point in my life i'm at now is to feel an intense love and compassion for the version of me who wrote them. i try and avoid autobiographical readings of my work, because i think they're often used to pigeonhole marginalised creators to fit into the box of literary criticism, but i think it's important as a creator to value how you can see your own personal development outside of just skill development in your own creative work.

#asks #zenstrike #thank you for the interesting questions!!! apologies for the meandering answers!!!

[frannyzooey]

I wasn’t the person who sent that anon but somehow finding out finding someone like you shy makes me feel not so alone. I always assumed you were a big social butterfly on here considering all the followers you have and how popular your blog seems.

Oh GOD, you have no idea — I am still intimidated by so many writers on here, so many friendships, so many personalities — you are definitely not alone.

I literally just this week! was contemplating sending an ask and chickened out, and am also totally guilty of seeing cool people interact on here and being like “hey you seem cool lemme just hang out in your general area to see if you wanna be friends 🥺🫣”

I am a social person on here in that I love creators and creating and cheerleading and supporting, but I am also — just like you — shy when it comes to people I admire ❤️🫂

Come say hi! I love making new friends 🥰🥰

#friday write night hype

[pineau-noir]

Fandom can be a scary place. Especially big fandoms. There's so much to read, so much to see, so many people who all seem to know each other. It's easy to get overwhelmed.

But then there are people like you. People who are so passionate about fic and art and our silly little blorbos. People who reach out into the community and elevate other people. People who love fandom and support writers and artists and podficcers and mood-board makers and don't spend so much time talking about how good other people are.

I joined Drarry fandom close to three years ago? Maybe? And was both spoiled and overwhelmed by all the creations people had made. There are so many good things given to me, for free. It was a wealth of riches.

One of those creators is @sitp-recs. Now, she's not as active as she used to be, real life being an absolute bitch to us all, but Liv has given hours and hours of her time to the HP community in the two years since she started her blog.

Recs aren't easy. I've done some here and there and it's one thing to read a fic and leave a quick comment (looks at all the times I've typed 'this is amazing/gorgeous/perfect/insert your platitude here') but Liv had always taken that a step further and that just amazes me.

Liv has done individual fic recs, themed rec lists, has been a resource for fic finding, and she's done it all while being a person who has a life outside of fandom.

Somehow (I have no idea how I am so fortunate) I've gotten to know Liv over the last year-ish and let me tell you, she's not only a good fandom friend, she's genuinely a good person. She's funny and snarky when needed, kind all of the time, and her heart is so big it makes mine ache. She loves with all of her heart, and it shows in every rec post she's made and every interactionshe has with her friends. Liv is generous and has given the fandom so much.

So thank you, Liv. Thank you for everything you've done. I'm so honored to know you and call you my friend. You're a lovely, beautiful person and all of our lives are better because of you.

I've always called fic reccers curators of fandom, and everything you've done for us has solidified that statement.

I'm so glad we're celebrating you today, because you've celebrated all of us so much.

#i don't have the spoons to write fic #i can't art #but i sure as fuck can talk about what a good person Liv is #happy fandomversary #livlaughlove #thank you for the perfect tag Boo #but seriously #Liv i love you #soppy on main

[picklesttrpg]

(temporary) Introduction!! to PICKLE'S WORLD

Hello!!! I'm Pickle! (Or rather, The Pickle God)

And I really want to develop my own world and make a TTRPG out of it! With an entire system and all!

Hence I'm the literal god of pickles, I won't waste time with labels and stuff like that, I am a pickle. And I ramble a lot, sadly

Ngl I'm really new to tumblr, so like hang in there with me please! I'm learning as I go, like I discovered formatting text just a few days ago.

What Pickle actually wants

I have a world with characters, worldbuilding, all the juicy stuff including unecessary details. I have an entire web of morons, historical events and everything, and am working on many stories that happen all throughout it (Writing one as a personal thing, and I was publishing a webcomic over another one, tho thanks to irl stuff it's on hiatus rn)

I'm actually horrible with names, and even tho I've worked on the world for 6-7 years by now, I still don't have a name for it (please help). As most creators, I wanted to share it with the world, to get feedback and improve on it! Offer my silly little concept and pickles for everyone to see. But besides that I have one more dream.

My world is in one big busy city. Filled to the brim with wonky characters, all fighting for being more and more important than the other. (and really, individuality is rewarded whilst people who are passive and grey usually end up at the edge of the society) Everything from biker grandmas living out their wildest final years, aspiring children supervillains to singing popstar priests, worshipping an entity which lives in the stars. This is reaching lore territory, but in this world, everyone has to strive to be the best and most exciting version of themselves, otherwise their past might catch up to them.

I wanted my world to be a place for other *real* people to thrive in. To create a character (or multiple!), who can go do what they truly want (and suffer in the process) I think it's just so incredibly cool when other people make characters for your own world, where you can think about them interacting with everyone, participating in the events, and having an entirely new story to share!

I essentially wish my world could once be a place for others to create ocs for and roleplay in. (now there is more to it, obviously, but like how cool is that! someone 'moving into' your world and story!)

Why TTRPG then?

Now, I work on the world and stories all the time, but I've never had them in any publicly shareable versions. Additionally, I didn't know if people online would actually ever care. But that's the sweet benefit of tumblr blogs, from what I noticed. It can be a little unnoticed blog and it's just vibing and doing its own thing!

I have friends who are reaaaaaalllly into DnD and few other games like that. I've played with them, and know even some DMs!

Now, isn't dnd great? You make your own character, explore a new cool world with possible friends, do some cool (or mostly unhinged) stuff and literally immerse yourself int everything! Really, a roleplaying game like that seems a great fit for anyone who wants people to explore their worldbuilding and writing!

But personally, conventional dnd isn't for me, and the systems are quite complicated. And as fun and intricate as they are, I also know many begginers, who may get scared away or confused. I found Call of Cthulhu much more enjoyable! Including the system in it, it's been fun, especially the sanity mechanic, and also how it offered different type of challenge and roleplaying purpuose from dnd!

Additionally, I could never imagine adapting all the mechanics into my world, seeing as my own lore offers different playstyles and opportunities. (Like I can't even use the races and classes)

So, I've decided, with a help of few friends, to try and create a new-ish system, specifically built with my world in mind!

The goal is to be simple and begginer-friendly, to shorten the learning curve, but also give more space to people who want to roleplay and develop their characters.

One of the main 'concepts is' "If shit goes down, do whatever you can."

Conflicts can be resolved in any way, from fighting, reasoning to seduction, bribery, or even just a well timed kick to the nuts, poke someone's eye out with a paper. And I wanted a system simple enough to spare us most of the math and formalities, and one which would work the 'same' way regardless of the player's actions,

I want to focus on characters, city/environment exploration and putting players as protags into stories, which are more than "slay the dragon, save the village, rock on brother"...mostly cause my world would crumble under any actual adventurers.

These are just wonky people with minimum wage jobs, physical trauma and debt, living life in a world where everyone is forced to be the protag sometimes.

The entire system is in EARLY BABY STAGES! but I want to share it, and both report on how the testing in practice goes, but also possibly get some input and advice from you, *the internet people*, to make it the best it can be? This is a huge learning experience for me, and honestly, I'd just love to take you on the adventure with me.

So, are you interested in lots of worldbuilding and lore-heavy characters? Or would you like to help with creating a TTRPG?

If so, please join me on my adventure!

Aid The Pickle God!

oh and dw, i don't think i have the capability/skills nor desire to make this system/game thing monetizable. I do not ask for any money, but please, don't claim any of my characters or stories as your own. They're very personal and important to me. I want this system to encourage more people to try roleplaying like this, and promote character creation (alongside developing my own ocs), so especially the system, feel free to use it, and let me know how it went! would love suggestions and help with it, to make it the best it can be! And I want to offer my world too, but for now, I think it's still a bit too early for that. Please get inspired and make your own worlds and stories fun and wonky! But again, don't claim my work please :)

And now, Pickle out!

Worship and devour me, mortals!

#pickle #pickle god #ttrpg #indie ttrpg #intro post #blog intro #introduction #introductory post #tabletop rpg #worldbuilding #character building #looking for help #world #passion project #world building #picklegods ttrpg

[steviesbicrisis]

"if we don't like it, we make it gay" that isn't the point, though. so many other people have said this more eloquently than i can, but you can't claim "death to the author" when the author is alive and actively lobbying for the genocide of trans people in the uk and influencing (and funding, iirc) republican politicians in the states to do the same thing. if you say "fuck terfs" but then continue to engage with the franchise and ignore the multitudes of jewish and lgbt+ people telling you the reasons why you shouldn't, the reasons why this franchise is literally killing us, your trans and jewish friends/followers are going to be cautious of you. *i'm* cautious of you, now. you're not only supporting a terf by giving her engagement, but jkr is a fascist. i can't assume your response to this, and this isn't sent out of malice, but i hope you can ask yourself if a book series and nostalgia are more important than the real people being affected by the political career of its creator.

I'm going to answer this as best as possible, but please be mindful that English isn't my first language, so I might not be as eloquent or exhaustive as I could've been in my native language.

Leaving this premise aside, I say this with no malice nor desire to sound bitter/defensive: please take a step back and stop assuming stuff about me.

I don't even know where half of the things you said come from, I genuinely thought you sent this ask to the wrong person until I read the "fuck terfs" part.

"continue to engage with the franchise" how am I doing this? I have 1 word associated with it, that's it. Do you see me promoting the books or the movies? do I reblog stuff about the franchise? Do I go around showing anything related to this? I've stopped giving money to that author the moment I found out what she stands for. I have one post related to the franchise before I knew how big of a deal it was to make fan-related content (I thought it was okay to still go on with stuff she doesn't get money from), which I decided to not continue writing it the moment I understood it might've been hurtful to someone.

You also assume I don't listen to fellow friends/followers. The thing is, you don't know me, this is Tumblr, I do not show everything about me in my blog. I have lgbtq sources I go to inform myself on how to approach topics that interest the community but not me personally because I wanna be supportive. You also have to understand that I get my information mainly from Italian resources and the approach on the topic might be different. This is not me speaking for the Italian trans community, obviously, but they seem to not really care if you engage with fanmade content, while I see in the "internet world" trans creators who don't accept fanmade as well and some do. I simply don't know where I stand but in the meantime, I'm not engaging even with fanmade stuff just to be safe.

All of this to say, I have no problem admitting that I don't know what I should do about fan-made related content because I tried to understand but with the mixed up opinions I simply don't know. Me not knowing translates to me engaging with any content until I understand better.

I'm trying really hard to not see malice in your words to be honest, since you've been assuming so much stuff about me. Everything else you touched upon it doesn't apply to me (like having nostalgia about the books, I never once said anything like that).

All of this being said, I am sorry to know that people are cautious about me. I hope you can understand that this blog is supposed to be a happy place to talk about Stranger Things and have a nice break from chaotic everyday life and I'm really saddened to know that it isn't as lighthearted as I thought.

To the people who were disappointed/had hard feelings after reading my bio, I am sorry. I mean it, I would never write something anywhere with the intention of hurting everyone.

To anyone who reads this, I hope you don't see me in a bad light after what this anon wrote and my response, I'm trying to handle this situation the best I can and be mindful of everyone's feelings. I am far from perfect but I am trying.

(I'm leaving the bio as it is if people wanna check it out after reading this but I'm going to change it after a little while.)