#all this playlist says about me is that i am DEFINITELY not cishet

[queercelestialhoneybee]

7,9,12,13,20,21,22 for the Pride asks!! i know this is late and i'm also still figuring out mine, but i wanted to ask these!! happy pride month!!

first of all, thank you for the ask! i love asks and ask games bc it’s a chance for connection — something we’re all striving for 🥰

7. Are you the “token” queer person in your family? A: i would say for the most part yes. i have a step cousin who is gay and it is very nice to hang out with him, and i have a baby cousin who is trans but he is not out to family yet, so i am the token queer of the rest of the family.

9. When did you realize you weren’t cishet? A: i started questioning things during the pandemic. i had a good queer friends around me and i felt comfortable trying things out finally, and i finally felt like i wasn’t performing gender. i could just wear clothes i liked and that was it. so freeing

12. Name some queer artists or bands you like the most. A: i put together a pride playlist for this month and i immediately put “All The Things She Said” by t.A.T.u on there, Betty Who, Queen, Tracy Chapman, Janelle Monáe, and “Revolution Lover” by Left at London (ofc the classic pride stuff is there too and i tried to include as many queer artists as i could)

13. Do you choose to reclaim slurs? Why or why not? A: i do reclaim slurs bc in queer history, there is record of our ppl taking slurs and using them proudly like saying “yeah so what? what are you gonna do about it?” and i think that’s a rlly great mindset to have. i’m not gonna force other ppl to do so, but if anyone tries to police what i call myself, we will definitely have words.

20. Do you feel like you “fit in” with the queer/Pride community overall? A: when i was younger, definitely not. now? more so. it is kinda hard with some of the older generation who don’t seem to “get” nonbinary and asexuality and all that, but that could also just be where i live being more conservative - sometimes it’s hard to tell. i’m still trying to break into the younger (like closer to my age) crowd. i have a couple young queer friends, but it would be nice to have that community. transportation is my main barrier there

21. What message would you give to your younger self? A: fuuuuuuck thats a great question. i mean i know i wouldn’t listen to this, but my message would be: don’t try to conform to what you think ppl want from you. wear what you want, be what you want, do whatever wild crazy shit you want bc literally no one cares! it’s okay! and stop judging out loud other ppl for things you don’t understand. you can write that shit down but don’t say it out loud cuz that shit will get you in trouble

22. How do you usually celebrate Pride month? A: i used to live in NorCal, so i would go to a couple small Pride events throughout June. however, now i’m in the southwest and it’s so fucking hot that we don’t celebrate Pride until October! i’ve been trying to incorporate some sort of pride into my wardrobe every time i leave the house, though.

hey evan, thanks again for the ask! i appreciate you, and i can’t wait to see your answers!!! Happy Pride! 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️

#ask game #pride ask game #pride asks #personal #feel free to interact

[wewinbees]

making a spotify playlist for techno’s retirement arc but it’s looking too short and it’s almost 2am so im Begging For Recs!!!

if anyone else here also happens to have brain rot please leave suggestions! thanks :)

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/006pjl87Bnj7ee4TooBarF?si=KtqZMUYwSRuBjwXyd4z9aA

#main thoughts here include: the voices. philza. techno finally getting REST. being exiled #his weird alliance w dream #alienation from rest of his family #ALSO THE AFTERMATH OF BEING USED AS A WEAPON BY LMANBURG #mcyt #dream smp #technoblade #sbi #dsmp #all this playlist says about me is that i am DEFINITELY not cishet #no judgement here guys the second song in here is taylor swift bc my sisters a swiftie #i swear to god all my playlists are just the same songs recycled over and over again #i don’t even use Spotify lmao i have 20 playlists to sort out my thoughts and i just??? never listen to any of them

[scatterpatter]

Corren - 1 through 100 - You did this to yourself.

FUCK YOU *UN-IRONICS YOUR ASK*

UNDER THE FUCKING CUT

1. What do they smell like?

Bad. Do you think their party is able to regularly take showers? I thinketh the fuck not. ... Pine and old books when he can self care tho.

2. What is their voice like?

Listen I know Corren, being taller, would be more likely to have a deeper register but you'll tear "tenor Corren" out of my cold dead hands

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Spite.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

When he first met his BFF Alondra, he was so antisocial and good at ignoring people that she actually got the impression he might have been hard of hearing. She never let him live that down. (one day I'll finish this fic i promise)

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

"I will keep all of my pain in here, and one day I'll die." ... Okay but listen he's squishy so he takes like one hit and is bloodied up. Someone get him a healer. Pls.

6. What do they like to wear?

He likes his cloak. Its weighty and soft(well. WAS soft. got a bit of wear and tear these days.) and like. Who doesnt love cloaks.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

Ohhhhh fuuuccck this one's tough. I might have to go with Torvid honestly. While the entire party has had a positive impact on him(and trust me I was this close to picking Alistair), Torvid's been more of the one to call him out on his bullshit and to, oh I don't know, talk about your emotions? Ever??? Yknow BEFORE they become too much to handle and he absolutely breaks down???

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

Alistair's cooking.

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Good luck finding him NOT cuddled up with at least one dog. Tbh he just enjoys cuddles in general.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

FUCKIN. GIVE HIM A GOOD STEAK. THIS BOY IS MOSTLY CARNIVORISTIC.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

As tempted as I am to say "His cooking", it's actually his singing.

12. How do they like to dress?

"Comfort over flashiness tbh. I gotta go ADVENTURING in whatever I wear after all."

"... Also don't you DARE perceive me as cishet."

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

Call him a genie because he will BOTTLE THAT SHIT UP.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Denial :D

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Shrike: Killing his dad

Me: NOOOOOO

EDIT: WAIT THIS WAS ANSWERED IN Q99 WHAT THE HECK

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Somehow more of a dick than usual. Snappy and cranky and just. Mrehhh.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Doesn't get drunk often, but when he does I imagine he's actually giggly and a little clingy. It's cute :)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

*Opens my Corren playlist* Oh yeah. It's either full edgy alt rock or indie alt "depressed millenial" tracks.

19. Are they right or left handed?

FFFuuhhhhck uhhhh well

Looking over my old art I can't seem to pick a dominant hand(I've even drawn him handling his sniper with either hand???????????) so like oops guess he's ambidextrous.

20. Fears?

The dark, the ocean, dying alone and forgotten, his friends losing their trust of him

21. Favorite kind of weather?

Rain!!!! Especially cool rain like what people often get in fall months.

22. Favorite color?

Indigo!!!

23. Do they collect anything?

Books :3

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold weather by far.

25. What is their eye color?

Electric blue!

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Well his race is a homebrew race known as Marelienth. Uhhh ethnicity? Idk he's from a mountain town way up north *shrugs*

In human aus I imagine him as half-Mongolian half-Norwegian so ayee

27. Hair color?

Black!

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

No :D He loves adventuring with his party don't get me wrong but he still has a lot of trauma to unpack. ... Also he was just possibly broken up with soooo. :/

29. Are they a morning person?

NOPE.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

*motions to above question* Sunset.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

More organized, actually!

32. Pet peeves?

*unravels a list. It's all shit the party has done. Mostly Alistair.*

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

HOOUSIDSJFK- HE- Y-YEAH HE SURE DOES

His amethyst pendant used to belong to his brother, Julian, and he gave it to Corren right before they were separated so you BET it's sentimental as shit and he wears it daily.

34. Least favorite food?

Mecha's usually a great cook but one time trolled him with some absurdly spicy curry he couldn't handle and he's never forgiven them.

35. Least favorite color?

Hmmm. Maybe... yellow?

36. Least favorite smell?

He spent a year with his party in a damp cave and no showers, so uh. I'll give you a guess.

37. When was the last time they cried?

Literally last night in our game's timeline :D Full breakdown and everything!

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

Torvid :D He was there to comfort

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

One time they were in combat and Corren took a few hits and was down to about 2hp or so. He had a temporary level thanks to Kieran, which boosted his HP a little bit. When he teleported them to a safe town, though, well... Torvid was waiting for them so that's cool. But uh. Yeah that temporary level wore off then and there, dropping Corn Cob to exactly 0hp and he just- flopped down face first in the snow and started dying then and there KJNDKLFNSLKN

40. Do they have any scars?

:)

Do you want to talk about the scar over his eye from a fight he got in with his dad or like. The scars on his limbs from the time he was literally experimented on.

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

:)

Undiagnosed+Untreated Anxiety, Depression, DPDR, PTSD, just to name a few

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Running away from his problems, definitely.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He's a pretentious nerd. He can be a dick if he doesn't care about you.

44. Why might someone love them?

He's an adorable nerd! He's a hopeless romantic and oddly enough an optimist. He's passionate and driven too!

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Well ghosts are like- a canon proven thing in his world sooo. Yeah.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

His party. Well- most in his party.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Nethyl :)

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

He's dating Nethyl and they're in a happy and healthy relationship :) *politely ignores canon*

49. Do they like surprises?

NO >:(

50. When is their birthday?

Heroya 5th! I think. I don't wanna check, assume it's this.

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

"You guys celebrate your watchdays?"

Jokes aside, he mainly just treats himself to a nice dinner and a new book or something :)

52. Do they have any family?

Two older siblings: Julian and Mila. His parents are Andreas and Fanya!

53. Are they close to their family?

... *Coughs*. He was close with his siblings, but Mila died and he hasn't seen Julian in 30 years. Was close with his dad but last time they saw each other, they fought and Corren might have killed him so. ... Yeah. :/

54. What is their MBTI type?

FUCK uh. I... N... T... J? INTJ. Sure.

55. What is their zodiac sign?

In Sekrezia: The eagle

In our world: Uhhh. Idk. Capricorn????

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Uhhh. Ravenclaw??? I know almost nothing about HP :/

57. What D&D alignment are they?

THIS ONE'S EASY- lawful neutral!

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

:)

Used to have typical nightmares, nothing special. Nowadays though he often dreams of being underwater. Not drowning, though. It's... weird. He doesn't like those.

59. What are their views on death?

He's a necromancer lol.

Death is inevitable, though. It's a necessary part of life. Death is not an entire loss, though. One lives on in the memories others carry of them, in the love they hold in their hearts. Death is complicated, but that's okay.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Alistair :)

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

Dog time :)

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

... Ehhhhhh?

63. Do they have an accent?

Technically??? It's an accent from where he's from but like. I just barely tweak my own voice when I rp him so? Damn Corren I'm sorry you've been cursed with east coast dialect.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

"Damn who's the rich bastard here?" (cake is kinda a delicacy in their world- not like elites only but not NEARLY as common as it is here)

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say?

Reassurance mode to whomever he's with. "Hey, hey, it's okay. I'm okay. Remember what I told you, death is a natural part of life, yeah? I don't have any regrets, I'm okay... Just. Thanks. For giving me a chance. Thank you. Thank you."

66. How do they feel about sex?

I SWEAR he's allosexual. I'm just bad at writing allosexuals.

67. What is their sexuality?

He doesn't really know how to pin it down, so he just calls himself "queer". Definitely not straight, that's all he knows.

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

AHAHA no. He's hella desensitized

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

Skulking cyst. Look it up at your own volition. It's. NO.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

It's 12:21 in the morning and I'm NOT about to scroll through a bunch of tv tropes just. just. NERD stereotype.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yyyyes? Only really if it's the people he cares about.

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Bullshit.

73. Do they have a pet?

WINGTHARA!! HIS SKELE-DOG!!!

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Oh yeah he's all bark and no bite. He usually just throws a little fit and/or yells.

75. How patient are they?

More than he should be :/

76. Are they good at cooking?

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

Oh yes he insults the others all the time. No particular favorite, he likes so spice it up.

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Stim. Stim. Stim. His eyes get all sparkly and he. He.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

He will do everything in his power to assure they won't ever have to deal with their fears alone- You afraid of spiders? It's his job to get the spiders from now on so you won't have to deal with them.

80. Are they trustworthy?

Oh yeah. He's like Rapunzel- doesn't break promises.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Oh yes he tries to hide it. And yes, he's awful at it.

82. Do they exercise regularly?

Yes and no? No like- exercise regimen, but the amount of travelling and fighting they do is just- a workout in and of itself

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yeah! He's cute and he knows it baybie!!!

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

He,,, he likes someone who's physically stong,,, Muscles are,,, aaaaa >///>

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Someone he can nerd out with :)

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Impartial to it. He won't turn sweets away but he's not crazy about them either.

87. What is their age?

43, the equivalent of- I think someone in their mid 30s?

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

He's 6'8" :) Which is actually normal for his race

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

Sometimes! I like to think he has reading glasses or something like that.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

HE'S CUTE AND HE KNOWS IT.

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Julian tainted his sense of humor and now he finds the most dumb shit hilarious. Think very millenial/GenZ humor like "I wish I was Jared, 19"

92. What mood are they most often in?

"I don't get paid enough for this" or Fear.jpg

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People who don't keep their FUCKING WORD. Oh and like. Yknow. Half the shit his party does.

94. Outlook on life?

Again he's??? Oddly an optimist? In the "Things will get better and that is a fucking THREAT" way, but still optimist!

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

Talk about his family :) Or the fact that his boyfriend might want him dead :)

96. What is their greatest weakness?

He's squishy as fuck. He goes down easy.

97. What is their greatest strength?

He's extremely intelligent and great with magic and his sniper!

98. Something that they regret?

Not doing more to stop his brother when he tried to resurrect their sister

99. Biggest accomplishment?

Either convincing an entire town his name is Torren or accidentally convincing some very OP people that he's secretly a dragon.

100. Create your own!

FUCK YOU I SPENT LIKE 2 HOURS ON THIS. NO PROOFREAD. IVE ALREADY DESIGNED CORREN'S AND NETHYL'S HYPOTHETICAL KIDS. ANYWAYS THEY'RE TWIN IRINAGA AND I'VE NAMED THEM AFTER THE DNDADS TWINS: THEIR NAMES ARE LARK AND SPARROW.

#LONG POST #LONG LONG POST #Corren #FUCK YOU DREWSKI <3

[lastoutpost]

sam stan ask game!!!! @stanfordsams​​ thanks for tagging me!

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child…) -   Only child!

How long have you been stanning for -  I started watching in 2012 and stopped watching after I finally watched s8 on boxset, around 2013/2014 sometime? (I *begged* my dad to take me to Walmart so I could buy it the day it was released) and after binging the whole thing I just... thought it sucked really bad....and started to fall out of the fandom. 2020 slingshotted me back into old obsessions though. I can have a little sam winchester to cope

Favorite Sam era -  sam is my baby in every single season BUT hence the URL, i love bitchy sanctimonious grieving psychic awakening sam from s1 SO much. baby faced coconut head bangs king <3

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair - season 2 or 3 definitely. he has a rough patch while it’s growing out for a couple seasons and it finally looks good again in like, season 11, but peak sam is short haired sam. he looks like a lesbian and i love it for him <3

Favorite Sam-centric episode - does croatoan count??? that’s an absolute banger of an episode from start to finish....the codependency....the crying....i love everything about it. if that doesn’t count tho then born under a bad sign, jared is SO good at acting unhinged. honorable mention to playthings, the greatest episode of all time (jirt)

Any ships you may like to mention -   samruby. why? genevieve padalecki sexiest woman alive and sam drinking demon blood was his RIGHT he DESERVED a hot girl summer. one of the fundamental reasons i get obsessed with this show is the extremely fucked up character dynamics and samruby really fits the bill

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -  numb by linkin park............this is so chaotically embarassing of me and i don’t even listen to linkin park anymore but that song is such a sam song, esp around s4/s5, that i have to believe it was written about him only

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be - purple dog shirt!!!! i actually used to own one and outgrew it and when i finally get another stable job i am going to order another one <3 it’s my right as a lesbian and as a s1 sam stan

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, why... -  if sam cishet, then why unclean in the biblical sense?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment -  full on ugly crying-sobbing about having to kill werewolf gf in heart and refusing to let dean do it because she asked *him* to, and how this parallels the season arc of sam begging dean to kill him if he has to

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane - in the spn that lives in my head, sam is a lesbian so....that is my favorite headcanon i love to imagine lesbian sam struggling to put up with misogynistic dean and his femaleness/homosexuality heavily contributing to her feeling of being unclean and fundamentally wrong/sinful. in terms of headcanons that fit the actual show i love how multifaceted we know sam to be, even though we see so little of it on screen -- he’s smart and nerdy but into health and fitness and is kind and compassionate, likes children and animals, etc. when dean dies and sam settles down with his family, he gets & trains a therapy dog (that looks a lot like riot who he had to leave behind with amelia) and takes it to help sick kids in the hospital <3 ALSO after leaving the hunting life he becomes a nurse since he’s basically been a field medic since birth. oh and ALSO he loves to cross-stitch even though his ginormous hands make it hard <3 OK I AM DONE but i could definitely keep going. oh and btw he’s gay and his blurry wife was actually a man. dean jr is the biological son of a hunter that gets killed on a hunt. OK IM DONE FOR REAL

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -  i’m gonna be honest i’ve never seen hbo in my life so i don’t really want to say anything inaccurate but i wish in a more gritty or grimdark version of spn sam’s mental illnesses and his suicidality, disordered eating, etc would have more screentime.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like - I feel like jess was the epitome of an all-american girl. I bet she was raised solidly upper-middle-class with two parents who loved her and had respectable jobs. she has a sister who lives in a different state who she is close with but in a normal way. and part of what sam adores about her is she’s just so...Normal...she’s like his embodiment of his ultimate fantasy and desire to live the American dream. i feel like that’s exactly why demon brady introduces her to sam, because he knows she is sam’s perfect fantasy of an apple pie life. And despite being so Normal she’s supportive, kind, insanely witty, and sees through sam’s defenses and deflections instantly. she knows there is something Wrong About His Life and doesn’t care. even if he can’t tell her the truth about his childhood he knows she would believe and love him if he could tell her, and he loves that about her. she pushes him outside his comfort zone a little bit to make him enjoy college a little bit more and always beats him at any game they try and play. i miss jess and i hope she and sam get to reunite in heaven!!!!

)Biggest injustice Supernatural committed against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - i’ve only watched up through the first part of s11 so i don’t know what else bullshit will happen in the course of the show, but as of right now I would say gadreel possession. sam was ready to give up his life to shut the gates of hell and dean stopped him, had gadreel take his form to trick sam into agreeing to be possessed, and then lied/gaslit/emotionally abused sam about it for weeks (months?) and gets extremely upset when sam has the gall to be mad about it. after how much he has suffered being a vessel for lucifer, for having no autonomy over his life at all, this was just so cruel of dean and i’m so mad that the show never lets him get really fucking mad about it!

And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile ♥ - he has so much faith in everything and everyone despite how hard his life has been and how much he has been punished for his faith repeatedly throughout his life. he is a good man who will give himself up for others or the greater good in an instant. and he looks like a very huggable puppy despite being extremely muscular <3 sam is my ultimate comfort character.

i tag, anyone who follows me and wants to do this but hasn’t yet! tag me in your responses so I can read them if you do it <3

#sam winchester #sam stan ask game #long post #about me #c speaks

[frthelasttime]

some notes from my 15 hour lone roadtrip:

- somehow despite my CDs not working with any other cd player the one in the rental car worked????      - oh so my fucked up formatted cds work fine but theres no bluetooth and my fancy headphones’s cord does not work as an aux cord huh.           - i wanted 2 listen to the magnus archives :( and a couple albums i do not have cds of :( - CDs I had, how many times through they were listened, and some thoughts:    - Hesitant Alien        - 4x through, last two were consecutive in the last hour of the trip bc i couldnt be bothered to change the disc       - a very good early morning album!! something just felt right abt driving through portland/vancouver as the sun came up blasting this    -  Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge       -  5.5x through       -  can you tell this is my favorite mcr album       -  there is something very Correct about screaming along to TCFSR while barreling down the interstate in a minivan       -  despite having five chances to get the lyric correct, “mass convulsions strike the choir” eluded me. i blame this on the fact that i used to think he was saying something about NASCAR. do i have auditory processing disorder quiz results    - The Black Parade      - 2x through      - house of wolves came on as i was crossing jack london blvd and i have to believe there was some cosmic reason for this huge coincidence      - skippin tracks 8 and 10 bc the point of this trip was to avoid further mental breakdowns thank u     - that one post abt the pjo live action adaptation possibly having wttbp playing when thalia wakes up... chefs kiss......... i was imagining it while sitting in traffic and got too excited

  - Conventional Weapons + The Mad Gear And Missile Kid EP + Black Parade B-sides     - 2x through      - like half of CW was corrupted and cut out halfway through the songs :/ this is what i get for using a shitty torrent (for legal purposes i am joking and i spent real US currency on all of my mcr mp3s)

  - Danger Days      -  2x through      -  i feel like SING needed a few more versions before the final like the bridge fucks obviously but the rest of it is very top 40 “““revolution”““ song that gives me hives. this is best illustrated by the fact that glee had the audacity to cover it and that my cishet mother enjoys it when she also enjoys current patd. she dragged me to his concert two years ago.           - they shouldve put surrender the night or something else from CW on DD instead of sing if they were gonna leave it like this :/       - summertime makes me cry. I Want What They Have      - zero percent is underrated and shouldve been on all releases of the album    - Demos + Live + Covers + three cheers B-sides mix i made        -  1x through        -  as much as i love the live demos i would very much appreciate if they increased the volume on the vocal track bc i cannot tell what the fuck is being said. i vibe w it tho       -  Bury Me In Black and Desert Song shouldve been on the album              -  Desert Song came on at about 1am and i had to pull off the highway to cry for three minutes and fifty one seconds      - I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me Your Love          -  2x through           - this is ABSOLUTELY a 3am album and somehow my cycling of the cds led me to putting it back in at exactly 3am

      - MIKA greatest hits playlist in my opinion circa memorial day 2018         - 1x through         - i need 2 listen to his new album         - this is what i was listening to when i stopped in weed california for gas and mcdonalds thinking that this was the first time i had been to the town but according to my mother my parents ALWAYS stopped there during road trips so ive definitely been there at least a few times as a toddler

#.txt #i have slept 2 hours in the past 36 none of this is coherent but i needed 2 write it down before i forgot

[shortqueershakespeare]

Gonna take a page out of the other anon's book and ask you to do all the harry potter questions...

so this took forever, but i’ve finally finished them all (and of course pasting them fucked up the formatting fml) Amortentia: Talk about 3 things you love. 

- I love languages, I love being able to see into someone’s soul by talking the language of their heart. I love the different sides of my identity that emerge with different languages, how you can only see fragments of my whole soul without comprehension of each language that forms a part of my heart.

- I love the LGBT community, love feeling free and whole and myself. I love seeing people realise who they are and seeing unabashed, queer love in the face of a world that does not want us. I love seeing that we are stronger together and that no one can take our identities away, no matter how much they try. I love seeing boys fall in love with boys and girls fall for girls for the first time. 

- I love the pure, unadulterated joy of learning, of education and finding out something new. The feeling of discovery and the sensation of having accomplished something when you understand a new concept is incomparable.

Ageing Potion: imagine yourself 50-60 years from now. how would you like a typical day to go? where do you see yourself? 

In fifty years, my body would be my own, covered in marks from misadventure and splashes of colourful memories. At 61, my kids would be grown up and moved out, my house would be filled with a different kind of sound, with puppies and bunnies and any other pets that fit. I hope I’d have a man to share this life with, we spend our weekends baking and devising obstacle courses for the pets to fall over, getting calls from our kids on how to be an adult (as if we’ve figured that out, even at our age). My sisters still haven’t let go of the habit of calling me a kid, and I try to see them when I can. The seasons change, the leaves fall, and I spend them all, content.

Alihotsy Draught: name and write about a few topics you’re really passionate about. 

Oh god we already did things I love though

Lets go specific instead and say fictional characters/ships

Drarry - The lion and the snake clash together, fire and ice raging a passionate war against each other, until they manage to blend their voices into one harmony. 

Wolfstar - the dog and the wolf, the moon and the star. Something poetic about their love. Sure, they’ve pushed against it, shouted angry words and slammed doors, but through it all, they gravitate back to each other. 

Ballum - by all accounts they shouldn’t work. A criminal and an aspiring cop, they’re a recipe for disaster, doomed to fail. But no-one, not even them, thought that they would become their own priority, above parental expectations, above the world they grew up in. they hold on tight, breathe each other in, relish in their found family. 

Antidote to Veritaserum: what is the biggest/most memorable lie you’ve told? 

I genuinely can’t think of one at all?? Oh lol not a lie but lie by omission i guess?? The fact that my gran still thinks i’m cishet lolll

Babbling Beverage: what kind of person are you when you’re drunk/hyped up on caffeine? 

I’m so fucking affectionate and talkative, i wanna cuddle everyone and I will absolutely tell you my opinions on/feelings about people. I’m a drunk disaster, but a fun drunk disaster. I also find a lot of things funny when drunk, and buy lots of presents for people.

Barufflo’s Brain Elixir: if you could master one skill instantly, what would it be? 

Right now the goddamn Russian language so my degree would be easier lol. I’d love to be able to whistle actually, or draw. 

Bloodroot Potion: describe a time you felt heartbroken. 

Well we’re gonna stick with creative writing so: I had a dream about us, both in matching suits. We were dancing at sunset, holding each other close as the songs played on. I woke up happy and content, and then I remembered that you weren’t mine anymore. You’re dancing with someone else while I sit, sobbing in my bed, longing for what should have been our future. I went through my room, finding every little thing that belonged to you, and put them to one side, in case you ever wanted them back. Holding on to the hope of one last conversation I guess. I miss you, and I hate you. And I love you. It hurts so much, like my heart stayed with you and I won’t last long without it.

Bruise removal paste: after you were heartbroken, what healed you?

The first time, it was love from family and friends and eventually falling in love again. And time. Now, i don’t know what’s gonna finish healing me, but love from other people and the promise that I’m worth more has done a lot to get me there.

Burn healing paste: are you cautious or are you impulsive? 

Both I think? I think I could do with being a lil more spontaneous though.

Calming Draught: what do you do on a rainy day?

I like to sit with a cup of tea or coffee, legs under a blanket, watching TV or writing or reading.

Caxambu: Style

I don’t think I have a recognisable style that can be described as anything other than gay. 

Borborygmus Potion: what’s your favorite food?

Right now I could really go for roast dinner tbh.  Confusing Concoction: What do you struggle most with? 

Prioritising myself and believing in my own worth. Cough Potion: What do you do to get better when you’re sick? 

I sleep a lot, and I like to eat chicken soup and have lots of warm drinks. Cure for Boils: Write about three pet peeves. 

People NOT WEARING HEADPHONES Hypocrisy Not respecting personal space Death potion: If you were told you were going to die in 24 hours, what would you do? 

Depends if I knew the cause of death/if i was infectious or not. If I wasn’t infectious I’d visit as many friends and family as possible, and probably get drunk. Deflating draught: Would you call yourself arrogant/modest? 

I like to think I’m modest but then again I don’t think that’s a super modest thought. Developing Solution: What’s the best photo you’ve taken? Which one’s your favorite? 

I took a nice one of my uni room, and some good ones at pride. Dogbreath Potion: What superpower would you have and why? 

Shapeshifting because my god would that make being trans more bearable. Doxycide: are you more clean or messy? 

Messy, but I do like to clean sometimes. Dr. Ubbly’s Oblivious Unction: are you critical of yourself? if you are, how do you want to work on it? 

Yes I am, and I try to work on it by talking to myself as I would to a friend or my puppy. Draught of Living Death: How would you like your funeral to go?

I’d like it to be a reflection of me, but equally I’d want it to be good for the people I’m leaving behind - I’d like Bye Bye Darling to be one of the songs though. Draught of Peace: What relaxes you? 

Watching familiar TV, listening to dodie, Maisie Peters, Orla Gartland, the puppy sleeping on me, hugs from friends. Drink of Despair: What’s your biggest regret? 

Not breaking up with my exes sooner, it would’ve been so much less painful and better all round. Drowsiness Draught: What’s your bedtime routine? 

So after my sister and dad go to bed, I stay down with the pup, take her out to the loo, and then sit on the sofa with her sleeping for a bit. Then I put her to bed and tidy a bit, I go up to my room and get into pjs, brush my teeth and wash my face, I put on my dim fairy lights and put on a chill playlist, then sleep.  Elixir of life: Would you rather live five ok/mediocre years or one incredible year? 

I think it kinda depends, like it its five mediocre years where each day is mediocre, then definitely one incredible year. Elixir to Induce Euphoria: What makes you feel alive? 

Dancing, love, running with the pup. Essence of Dittany: what’s the worst scar you currently have?

I scar quite easily, but they also fade quite well - at the moment I have one on my elbow from catching it on chicken wire. Exploding Potion: Do you like fireworks?

Yeah! They’re super pretty - I prefer the ones without a bang though. Fatiguing Infusion: Describe a recent/memorable dream.  

I had a dream about being physically back at uni, it wasn’t super eventful but it was really calming and nostalgic. Felix Felicis: Do you believe in luck?

I guess?? Flesh-Eating Slug Repellent: How do you keep bad thoughts away? 

Antidepressants lol. No but if I’m anxious I’ll write out everything I’m stressed about to get it out of my head. If I’m depressed I try to distract myself. Forgetfulness Potion: What is your favorite memory?

Maybe my first time getting drunk, it was the cast afterparty for my favourite show and it was so fun being able to chill with all my friends and being treated like an adult. (Plus it was fucking hilarious watching everyone come to the set strike the next day where most people were hungover as all hell)

My first gay night out was also pretty memorable, if only for the amount I drank lol. Fungiface Potion: What’s the greatest prank you’ve pulled? 

Legitimately don’t know if I ever have pulled one? At school we once turned our whole classroom backwards, and at uni my friends and I spent about two years putting any spam mail we got into our friends pigeonhole after he proudly told us how empty he always kept it. That was fun. Gregory’s Unctuous Unction: Describe your best friend(s).

Okay we’re gonna go for 3 people (all of whom have featured in poems of mine) - I started off writing about 5 and then got bored (and also vaguely embarrassed about calling people best friends) so we’re going down to three I’m also gonna make it vague ish So the first is a friend I’ve known for ten years and we’ve been equal parts immature and grown up throughout those ten years - last time I saw her we went to a inflatable park and then to spoons. She’s funny and sweet and chaotic and a lot shorter than I think (she used to be a head taller than me but hasn’t grown since we met, so even though we’re the same height neither of us quite believes it). She’s talented and reliable and So very committed to being a good friend (she drove to pick my ex and I up from a festival so she could meet him and took a 3-4 hour train to come celebrate my 21st). The second is possibly the first friend I made at uni because we bonded over being terrified of going to Russia and now we communicate almost solely through animal crossing. I love her, she’s hilarious, about as much of a mess as I am and an incredibly sweet person. She’s the first person I text in a crisis because she knows the exact right balance of taking the piss and actually helping and is always available to talk in foreign when I need to forget about the people I’m with or avoid an ex lol. The third is one of my favourite people at uni, he’s super supportive and understanding but also the best fucking person for a night out or a laugh. I used to think he was intimidating but honestly he’s just so sweet and has always made me feel welcome in my new year groups and always makes sure I have someone to pre with. Hair-Raising Potion: What scares you?

Fucking clowns man. Also not living life to the fullest, I’m really trying to put myself first nowadays and make sure I’m not staying in bad situations out of anxiety. It’s definitely helped me feel better about myself and have more energy to think about other people as well. Hate potion: If you had to name your worst trait, what would it be? 

Either stubbornness or being too self-sacrificing. It’s not a good combo tbh. Herbicide Potion: do you have a green thumb? 

I have owned (1) plant and I think I killed it so no. I am absolutely terrified every time my dad asks me to water the garden because I feel like I can only over or under water. Hiccoughing Solution: what’s the funniest thing that’s happened to you? 

Funny situations involving me tend to end in injury, maybe when I fell over the tennis net that didn’t even come up to my knees and got stuck in it?  Or when I fell over skiing and couldn’t get up because I’d done a roly poly which ended up with my skis trapped under my back.  Invigoration Draught: how do you wake up in the mornings? 

Lately my sister brings the puppy up to wake me up which is nice. Invisibility Potion: What would you do if you were invisible for a day? 

Ooh that’s a good question, I think I’d probably take a bunch of photos of me holding stuff and probably scare the shit out of my family. Jawbind Potion: Are you talkative? What do you like to talk about? 

Yes, very. I like talking about anything and everything, I love finding stuff out about people, which is part of the reason I do so many of these things. Laugh-Inducing Potion: Tell a funny story.

I am not a very funny person. I don’t have many funny stories!! When I was younger and my mum would get milkshakes and stuff, we were only allowed a glass each (I have 3 siblings) so that we each got the same amount and my sister was being sneaky, tried to drink from the carton to cheat the rule, ended up drinking mouldy milk. Karma. Mandrake Restorative Draught: How long can you stand still? 

Probably quite a while, I’ve never thought about it to be honest. Manegro Potion: How do you like to cut your hair? I cut mine myself, I usually leave the top a few inches long, and the back and sides are usually tapered from a 3 to a 1. Mopsus Potion: What do you want to be doing 5 years from now? 

Hopefully be working in translation or LGBT activism, living with a flatmate or partner. I’d like to have had top surgery and be acting or stage managing again and playing tennis and maybe football again. Muffling Draught: Favorite genre of music? 

Idk, indie pop maybe? Or alternative? Oculus Potion: would you rather see the distant past or the distant future?

Distant future. Pepperup Potion: what makes you feel alive?

Sport, playing with the puppy, talking to friends. Polyjuice Potion: If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would remove my chest lol.  Quodpot Solution: What’s your opinion on sports (are you a fan of any specific teams/sport)?

Tennis is my favourite sport, I also like football, judo, rounders, swimming, sailing and skiing. Rat Tonic: Do you have any pets? 

Yes! I have a tiny bunny called Teddy, two chickens called Miss Sussex and Babs and a boxer puppy called Pickle. Shrinking Solution: How tall are you? Do you like your height (why/why not)?  

I honestly don’t know, I think I’m 5’ 3” ish?? After 5’ I just kinda stopped paying attention. I’d like to be taller because it would help me pass better, but I also kind of like my limbs the way they are?? Like additional muscle from T is already making tennis weird to adjust to so I don’t wanna make that worse tbh. Skele-Gro: What helps you feel better? 

Hugs, alcohol, chocolate, familiar TV, reading my favourite books. Sleakeazy’s Hair Potion: Describe yourself in 6 words or less.

Queer, loud, chatty, empathetic, caring, stubborn. Veritaserum: What is one truth you’ve wanted to get off your chest? 

I wish I had broken up with my exes sooner/not got together with the last one at all. We weren’t a good fit and I like to think we’d still be friends otherwise. Volubilis Potion: Can you/do you like to sing? 

I love to sing, I’m decent but struggling to adjust to my voice drop tbh. Wide eye Potion: What time do you usually go to bed? 

12/1am, depends on when I take the dog out. Wolfsbane: What’s the biggest change you’ve experienced in the past year? Going on testosterone!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

some random numbers: 1, 3, 6, 15, 23, 31, 35, 40. give me ur ungodly long answers.

lmaooo YES brevity whom......i cannot be concise

1) favorite videos?

i sure spent 2010 - 2014 enjoying youtube horror interpersonal-drama series marble hornets, those are a good time. and here in the future you and i both know there is just a wellspring of wrol-related Video Content out there, god damn, i really love so many of them.....in between that there’s sure been a lot of fun and funney videos and like, some Artistique ones i like to revisit [or have disappeared :( ] but i always like to promote this Wuthering Heights one. i love it. oh lol!!!! and the uh, Skate 3 Glitch compilations!!! so so funny

3) favorite memes?

i think Deep Fried Memes are fun all the time lol. the Youtube Meme of “___ but ____” is a lot of fun OH YEAH steamed hams was awesome too. the 24601 Releases A Sammich On Parole ytp is priceless......this is just turning into favorite videos again lmao. vine as a meme and a whole

6)favorite mixes?

you know i never really made or used playlists lol!!!! i will just be like, in the mood for certain songs or else like “i want to listen to music but....which ones”.....i say i can never be concise and all of these answers turning out short lol. it’s not b/c i’m Concise but b/c like, i don’t know what Favorites i have and i don’t have a memory that works without Direct Reminders of Specific Things so i’m just failing to like, come up with the info in the first place smh

15) favorite fictional characters?

here we go lol i can answer this one cuz when i have a fave rave it’s rare and like, easier to remember cuz i do not Go Hard about it that often.....weirdly for the first few years of The Decade i did’t really have such certain faves.....i was def enjoying some characters, as i always do, but nothing like super standout. then in ‘11 or ‘12 or whatever i was like oh hey, ed from cowboybeboy.......and then just had like, the solo experience of me humoring myself w/ that. bit of an usual one b/c a lot of the characters i Really latch on to will tend to be kinda roughly similar in ways that maybe seem pretty at-first-glance levels of obvious, buuut idk she’s not That far off from my usual selections i guess lol. anyways then in 2014 i was like, time to go ham for lars. what a valuable time it was....what Fun we had.....truly tho! and then another interval later it’s 2016 and for similarly (relatable characters of roughly the same cut) i was like, well here i am having a great time re: kip, all while getting to generously use of my fave shade of blue and fangs central and all that fun stuff. and then another interval later the Eventual Unfolding of what started innn 2017 i guess occurs, and it’s late 2018, and i’m like, time to look into Jared Kleinman b/c just from reading the wikipedia summary that didn’t mention him all that much i could tell this was probably a character i’d go ham for for predictable reasons, and the vague interest in that has stuck with me for the past little-over-a-year......and then i was Completely right lol. deh? well that’s just Bonus Jared Lore, to me (though of course alana in her own right is a great and similarly underappreciated character. rights)....and then of course i’ve had a lot of fun with pretty much each and every Wrol Role lmao.......Very fond of jeremy, and also christine, and bmc just has really enjoyable and interesting characters all over the place. and of course, here i am, Extremely #about winston quantbillions as another certified fave rave, really. call it classic!!!

[[answered both 23 and 31 prior, actually.....words were typed....]]

35)a random memory you remember with strange clarity?

tough one because lol a fair amount of “you recorded this memory in a fair amount of detail” is due to increased levels of unpleasantness / stress / discomfort, and if it’s also “i remember this b/c it was Nice” then i wouldn’t call that Strange clarity lol, and Random Memory like “just pull one up from the ol memory bank” is like, god, i wish it were that simple........but give me a min.

oh yeah i had a High Time of it when pokemon go came out (only pokemonn game i have ever played lol) coz there was like, this stretch of Landmarks stops that started at this garden and went along this waterfront / connected park forrr maybe like a half mile stretch? ideal territory and people would actually like, come from out of town to partake in it lol. and i’d Download podcast eps on my phone from my work’s wifi and just like, in the evening listen to that or music and just like, walk and do this shit. i had like five or six gyaradoses at one point cuz i guess the riverside nature of it meant they wanted to throw all these magikarp at you (there Were carp, also! one of the parks had a koi pond.) and like, there were just all these people around doing it along with you, even that late at night and in the early AM hours, so it was fairly social even if u weren’t there with a group or talking with anyone (though there was Camaraderie like, oh hey just so you guys know, there is a ____ over by the boat.) and it was just an interesting Walk with several things to look at and routes to take. and one time in a weird Dead Of Night time like 1am there was this like, smallish cruise ship docked that actually Set Off. and like, a bunch of us randos were just standing there and watching this unfold. this isn’t a very good Clear Random Memory but if i tried to think of a good one, god only knows how long it’d take me lol

40)an important personal revelation?

oh jeez this has really been a decade with lots of the unfortunate combo of “stuff that is a bummer but also boring” lol.......a benefit of getting to spend more time than not Away From The Parents’ House was like, oh sweet, having this perspective for long enough finally leads me to the conclusion of why i hate this......B/c It Is Bad. oh yeah and then there was also conclusively figuring out early in the decade like oh right, i’m trans, that makes sense.......other layers of Gayassedness like oh, more specifically i’m nonbinary, oh yeah and like, i’m not straight, call that queer and/or bi and/or also Gay......bein grey ace like a champ, and aromantic like, oh yeah i’m not like, fucking up at being a person somehow and Letting People Down by not wanting to date them (i mean besides rando cishet men. they can be let down regardless).....and just like, this ongoing process of getting the space to b figuring out myself and what i like For myself in alll kinds of ways....even up till now with the “oh yeah ive been a theatre gay all my life lmaooo” bit that’s like, totally obvious but just like, i didn’t much have the reason to even look at the would-be obvious stuff from the right perspex till now. and it’s pretty fun to realize a Lifelong Area Of Big Interest like that, cuz those sorts of things can feel elusive. and then also unfortunately a lot of the decade has involved like, “oh my self-esteem is so fucked that it’s circling back around and i’m appreciating and valuing myself and that i deserve decent treatment and Not bad shit,” which was a crappy process obviously lol but it was nice when i did start to get there, and making further progress on that front. im not dead certain when i was like “hmm...am autistic” b/c that was definitely a really ongoing process of figuring that out lol, but when / as i did it’s definitely a series of “oh hahaha this is why i’m like This or why i do This or feel like This about This!!” and it’s really easy to learn a totally Brand New Thing all the time abt bein autistic where it’s like Oh #Me!! coz yknow. the info By and For autistic ppl is not always widely available and known of. love that for us

#thank u!!! and thanks for the End Of Decade Ask Meme in the first place lol #cockbiteproductions

[cobythinks]

It's been a while since I've done one of these: Alone by Nico Collins (This one kinda gives me the same vibes as boy in the bubble, and since that one made you sad I thought I'd give you a heads up)

Thanks for the heads up haha!

boy, this song is. this song is a good one. I like it. it did make me feel sad, but that’s okay haha its a sad song

A little warning - I address things like mental health, eating disorders, and suicide in this. So please be careful. <3

“She’s the only one who saw who he was” - a lot of people don’t have support at a young age, especially Queer people who already know they don’t fit in. but having one person - as this line reflects - can help IMMENSELY. having a parent be that person, fuck man, I wish I did. not to say my parents aren’t good, because they are. But having someone who truly understands and accepts you, as this song showed the boys mother, well... that sounds amazing to me. and I’m sure a lot of other people.

“Wishing every day that something would change.” - for a closeted individual, which I’m not anymore but was recently, that’s basically the biggest mood on the freaking earth. A huge secret just weighing on you, and you can’t do anything about it out of fear, or even understanding of yourself. Something has to change, but you don’t even know what. Yikes, that me.

“Everyone around him telling him the way to go” - again, a big mood. A lot of people really are trying their best to help someone - but if they don’t realize things about that person, it could end up hurting them a lot. Especially Queer people. Because I’m a nerd and imma bring this up - the interview Dan Howell did with BBC (I believe) about people asking him about his dating life, when he’s going to get a girlfriend, if he wants a girlfriend, while he was still very in the closet? They meant NO harm whatsoever, but it still hurt. and its going to. and it sucks. So yeah. That line means a lot.

“wondering if it gets better or if he’s always gonna feel empty forever” - let’s get personal this time...me. I was, and probably still kind of am, horribly repressed about my being trans. It wasn’t an option in my mind for YEARS... and during those years, I saw no future for myself. I couldn’t imagine living the only life I allowed myself to aim toward, and I took that as a sign that I would die young, by committing suicide. Me believing that it would happen didn’t help at all, and I actually started to plan doing it at one point. Eventually, when I broke down completely and realized that I was trans, I suddenly saw a future for myself where I could be happy and an actual person. a person that I wanted to be. So I definitely relate to this, and I’m sure a lot of other Queer people do (though maybe not to the extent I did)

“Don’t you know nobody will ever understand the person that you are, learn to hold your own hand” - um, yeah. big Queer mood. especially for older Queer people who grew up when there wasn’t any visibility or those with an identity that isn’t shown a lot. Honestly, if it wasn’t for me deciding to go to public high school instead of homeschool like I had been, I probably never would have realized I was trans and I may actually have gone through with what I mentioned above. this is why representation is SO SOOO MASSIVELY important.

“100 pounds down he looks so different now” - I debated mentioning this because there IS a stigma of men that have eating disorders being Queer - and I decided that I should dissolve that right here. anyone can get an eating disorder. Queer people, cishet people, male, female, other, anyone. Some people in some communities may have different precedents set on them to look a certain way, and that may affect it, but it can happen to anyone. so yeah.

Anyway, this entire song is a huge mood about Queer people feeling erased or unseen. Love it, very angsty, added it to the angst playlist I listen to when writing sad things. ^-^ thanks friend!

[cobythinks]

*casually resends request because either you didn't like it or forgot* older by ben platt?

*casually looks into the camera like I’m on the office because I DID forget*

This is a good song!!! Never heard it before, but it’s going straight (gay) onto several of my playlists!! ^-^

With the same old song in my heart, making plans I’m gonna do when I get older - Alright so, first of all, this is me lol. My therapist actually gets after me a lot because I tend to live a few years into the imaginary future I think for myself (this causes problems in the NOT imaginary present). Second of all, yeah. Queer people, especially youth or those that aren’t in a situation yet where they can be true to themselves, probably tend to do this a lot. I can only speak from personal experience, but sometimes it’s hard to let myself be in the moment when the moment... is less than ideal. So yeah, this is definitely a queer lyric and I love it. 

Don’t let your wonder turn into closure - OKAY WOW?? We already getting deep man this is.... this is good. I’m still a bit in the ‘wonder’ phase of being out to myself/the world as queer - but I definitely see the closure. Saying to yourself that ‘no matter what, someone will misgender me’ and letting it get to you despite ALL the people that try their hardest and get your pronouns down. Saying to yourself that ‘the world will never be perfect’ and forgetting all the good things about the earth? This also ties into living in the moment, because yeah. sometimes the moment isn’t so great - but are you looking for the great stuff? it depends on perspective. if you’re on a safari, you’re looking for the cool stuff. if you’re stranded in the middle of the desert with no idea if you’ll survive, you probably aren’t. I love this line!!!

Have I held my tongue one too many times? - alright, yeah. This is... this is certainly a queer MOOD right here. Have you bitten back a correction when someone misgenders you? have you stayed silent when someone’s being homophobic? have you kept your opinion to yourself, even when you know it will impact the conversation? That’s gonna happen, and it’s a whole thing. You have to remember though to balance between letting your voice be heard and keeping yourself safe. Safety is always more important for you in the at moment, so even if you’re holding your tongue too many times, stay safe. if you aren’t in danger, though, well... let’s get LOUD

And will I get to, get to know myself in the place I am - I think this is very important for everyone, but especially queer people. Hell, even for cishet people that have questioned either their sexual orientation or their gender identity! accepting who you are, right NOW, can be really hard. Especially if you can’t be out and proud about it. and in the future, allowing that previous version of yourself to exist without trying to tear it down. Everything you went through and everything you’ve ever been has helped you on your way to being who you are now, and that shouldn’t be ignored. It may not line up with who you are now, but that’s the importance of using the past tense. You WERE like that, once. Now, you aren’t. You’ve learned from it. And that’s okay. 

get to fall in love with another man and understand - first of all, GAY. Second of all, let’s break this down. ‘another man’ could EASILY be in reference to the imaginary, unrealistic version of oneself that they create as a goal - or even just a daydream. Becoming obsessed with who they WANT to be and what they WISH they were, but not really taking the steps to become that. or, in some cases, it being plain impossible to make a reality. Like, I personally wish and imagine myself as holding no kind of judgment or bigoted ideas - but I can’t just erase the way I was raised, especially because I only started fighting against it about a year or so ago. I CAN outwardly express only the emotions I want to feel, and that helps a lot. but sometimes the homophobic or transphobic thoughts I was taught to have still plagued me, and I just have to deal with them. There may be a day where I don’t, but that won’t come if I focus too much on how I want to be instead of trying to improve who I AM. This might not make any sense lol, so sorry about that.

That was a hella good song. I’m sorry but how have I not heard so many good songs??? Thank you, anon friend! I’m very glad you reminded me about this one haha. Also sorry about forgetting.

Anyone who wants me to queerly analyze a song, go ahead and send me an ask because I love to do it! <3 ^-^