#all this series did was HURT

[mewtwo24]

I finally finished reading the fourth volume of svsss in full, and thing is--the first time through I only read the bingqiu content because I was ravenous for more of their happy ending.

Turns out that was a perilous mistake.

Because I started reading the airplane extras. And I swear to god. MXTX is trying to kill me

What do you MEAN demon lord Binghe was sitting on his big fucking throne. All stoic and forbidding. Surrounded by his demon generals who don't know shit about human courtship. Asking them what he should do, fully demoralized by constant rejections from sqq, only to have airplane tell him to act more pathetic and needy. Which is already hysterically funny and insane, UNTIL LBH'S RESPONSE IS THIS, KILLING ME INSTANTLY:

LUO BINGHE. WHY DOES HE SAY IT LIKE: "I already tried that, didn't work--nothing works :/ not mean, not maidenly, not housewife, not spicy, not capable disciple. Is doubling down on clingy really all it will take? What's a born hater with only one love in his life to do????"

The dichotomy of him sitting there like 'how can I reach the unfathomable depths of shizun's heart?' A HEART HE'S ALREADY WON OVER, MIND and then in the Holy Mausoleum solving the puzzle without blinking and being like 'oh yeah you just have to hit the acupoints, no sweat.' Literally the comedy writes itself I'm so--

How am I supposed to be normal about this. MXTX understands the juicy quintessential queer joy of a person with the world's power at their fingertips wishing only for love. Willing to do anything to earn that love, when unbeknownst to them it's already been freely given. Totally not screaming and yelling and clawing at the walls

And that's not even touching airplane's uproarious account of events. The way he's like 'lol what's next, lbh and sqq are best friends now? smfh' only to see lbh TACKLE SQQ LOVINGLY. FOR SQQ TO BE BASHFUL ABOUT IT BUT SO SO FOND OF THE LITTLE SCAMP. This when we've been experiencing sqq's constant inner monologue of 'I'm so cool and so dignified about my role, truly the epitome of propriety and poser-level fortitude.' Meanwhile, in their universe:

Airplane constantly flaming???? Sqq and lbh in his observations????? His absolute bewilderment and confusion????? Legendary. No notes every single second of this shit was hilarious.

Airplane's comment that sqq + older adolescent lbh traveling together was just watching a couple in their honeymoon phase. OR the fact that lbh is exceedingly petty and refuses to share their food in the wake of airplane's interruption of their time together, until sqq relents sheepishly and insists airplane eat what's left (ONLY AFTER PLACATING LBH WITH MORE FOOD FROM HIS PLATE, SOBBING)

Watching airplane salivate over Mobei-Jun and acting like that's totally normal behavior. Finding out mbj and airplane got together first. Finding out sqq encouraged airplane. LIKE THIS. WHILE HE IS STILL IN DENIAL ABOUT HIS OWN FEELINGS:

Mobei-jun clearly thinking their arrangement is a forever thing, heartbroken his human abandoned him with all the hapless fury of a scorned wife swept away by false promises of fidelity. Airplane writing demons to be the type to beat up their crush lovingly and still unable to connect the dots about mbj's feelings. Mbj letting him go and respecting his wishes, only relenting when there's indication airplane was poorly processing his own feelings and didn't actually want to leave. Mbj caring for him and listening to him as soon as airplane voices what he needs directly and with clarity. None of these gays are functional and it's everything to me

Unrelated, but I physically can't hold this information in anymore:

I'm still reeling from younger lbh having his sexual awakening from the image of sqq wrapped in the immortal binding cables. Condemn me as you like he was so, so real for that.

And no I will not be taking any comments about how luo bingge couldn't bear to see luo binghe cherished in ways he never got to have and all the haunting implications of that. I will also not be taking any comments about luo binghe's instinct to look for sqq in that alternate universe, only to be shaken to the very core to be unable to find his shizun anywhere. The unspeakable and latent horror of his relentless mind likely piecing together what happened, but unable to say it; to suspect what is true, and live with the harrowing confusion of his double's actions. To blame himself, to assume that he had let his anger get the better of him in that world and result in unspeakable folly...

I also refuse to talk about how heartrending it is to hear Tianlang-jun weakly say "In the end, I really can't bring myself to hate humans." The implication that the foolishness of that hope and bright-eyed fondness--the very thing that put him through such unspeakable agony--couldn't be beaten out of him entirely. To discover that his faith in Su Xiyan hadn't been misplaced, to the contrary: his beloved hadn't scorned him at all, but rather fought to the miserable end to protect the fruition of their genuine feelings of love when she couldn't protect tlj or herself.

How MXTX has sqq deliberately draw parallels between their situation and that of ygy+sj and tlj+sx; desperately wishing it might not be too late for them. The concept of breaking cycles of abuse and harm pervasive throughout the newly devised story, how it evolves for the better only when love takes the place of power, pride, and domination. How the moment sqq chooses vulnerability instead of saving face, the genre shifts to the so-called "cringe" girly genre where most if not every character is more fulfilled, more true to themselves. How the "male-oriented" former genre was aimlessly sensationalized and sexualized, how it was a sustained performance of aspirational toxic masculinity. How men objectify other men without end. All of the unspoken gendered implications that come with that.

Anyways. Going to go put my head in a sandbox and try to process everything I just witnessed because even a second reading is not enough to find a modicum of closure.

#svsss #bingqiu #moshang #i swear to god this series is just 'gay man who doesn't know shit inflicting his delusional reality on everyone else and inciting chaos' #and literally it's slapstick levels of hilarious every single time; mxtx never change #also i fully agree that we did not get NEARLY enough mobei-jun and sqh/airplane content #the amount of mental illness to mental illness communication going on there was astonishing #mobei-jun being afraid of his uncle and bringing sqh because that's the only person he trusts fully (WAILING NOISES) #sqh having a tantrum but running away because for the first time he was honest about his needs + his dissatisfaction with catering to other #how that reflects his narrative compulsions and how he felt forced to warp more creative story paths for the sake of survival as a writer #how sqq's restoration of much of his original intent--as well as mobei-jun's acceptance of his needs--helps airplane begin to heal #how his happiness begins; how just like sqq he wanders in such confusion and denial before he's forced to realize what truly matters to him #SHREK VOICE: STORIES HAVE. L A Y E R S #it feels like modern day shakespeare and when i say that i don't mean it in a hollow elevating sense i mean it more like #mxtx just hits that perfect balance of poignance but also hilarious concentric circles of botched communication and brainworms #okay but real talk for a minute? .........;-; #the way lbh constantly struggles with such a crushing feeling that he'll be abandoned over any little mishap/thing/problem #really hit me where it hurts??? if only because its so clearly an anxiety that stems from original goods' upbringing #the way it becomes even more heartrending when you think back to all the sect leaders clamoring that he should have been killed as an infan #that he should have been aborted as a fetus--insisting right in front of him that his birth was a mistake and a disgrace #over having demon blood in his veins. like my god that scene is so viscerally upsetting i struggle to read it #the way its so easy to see the demons as a manifestation of otherness in precipitated form #how both sqq and sqh are influenced by human rhetoric without evening meaning to--assuming the worst against their better judgment #how both sqq and sqh both struggle with their own otherness in different ways and only find solace when they begin to accept who they are #how their lovers (lbh and mbj respectively) both are willing to navigate those confusing waters with them #how both demons love them as they are--accept them as they are despite how difficult forgiveness of perceived betrayal is for them #ty mxtx for changing my brain chemistry #as i get older i have such a fondness for the messiness of thematic queer self-discovery and growth into self-acceptance #that and how youth can so easily be defined by perfectionistic self-harm and the violence of repression

[prapaiwife]

Cause THEY ARE GONNA EMBRACE IN THE BIGGEST HUG IN THE FINALE AND TEARS WILL BE SHED😭😭😭BABE'S SUNSHINE WILL COME BACK TO HIM🤧🤧

#pit babe the series #charlie babe #babe x charlie #babecharlie #charliebabe #pavel phoom #pavelpooh #pooh krittin #and charile gets slander is crazy to me like he brought so much love and joy into babe's life #he did everything with his intention of keeping babe safe and sound #yes his choices hurt babe which he expected but he will do all over again if t #if it means babe will be ok protected

[crispywizardtale]

#they want to protect eachother so badly but whatever they do they end up hurting one another... #the worst part of everything this never happened in the novel #not like this #the novel is so different from the series and series did a better job in story telling than the novel did #but they cut out so many things especially that dream that Phaya had #all of this is so confusing to me as a novel reader #the sign series #the sign the series #the sign #billy patchanon #billybabe #babe tanatat

[mihrunnisasultans]

Have you ever thought what he felt that night when executioners woke him up and wrapped a rope around his neck? And you, what did you feel, brother? What did you feel, sleeping next to his room? (...)  Do you remember what you told me? Your pain will pass, you will forget. You will feel better. A lot of time passed, brother. But I couldn’t recover. And trust me you won’t either; you will slowly burn away just as I did. Hürrem won’t even have a grave. Just like Ibrahim.

Hatice + roasting Suleiman to his face (and to others)

Happy Birthday Plami! @mc-critical

#hatice sultan #perioddramaedit #mcedit #magnificent century #weloveperioddrama #perioddramasource #muhteşemyüzyıl #here we go love #the seris of roasting continues #and it is heartbreaking #when ibrahim died hatice did not only lose a husband #but also a brother with whom she earlier had a close relationship #and only later they shortly reconnected because when she saw him suffering she could in a way connect with him #should I even stress how for all his lecturing on how she must forget and get well #he was always prioritizing himself #because he himself wanted to forget and move on #this is why memories of ibrahim and hatice's suffering hurt HIM first and foremost #he never truly emphatized #it was about his own ass and his suffering caused by his conscience #and him not being able to sleep bc of his guilty conscience #when he decided if he executes ibrahim #while he sleeps it is not breaking his promise #or rather legal edict pls #is poetic karma #I am rabling now but I know you don't mind #love ya sm #suly's version get a grip finally and you won't have depression #I s2g this guy

[heretherebedork]

He really did go from being so nice to being... this. Huh. Oh, teenage boys. You really do hurt the people you care about because you can't stand what you see happening.

And then turning the entire class against him again and again.

He's just this tiny boy who thought he found a friend and lost everything and instead found himself bullied and harassed into suicide by the first person he ever thought saw him and liked him.

Takashi only thought he could have a friend. And in the end he lost every single thing instead because someone else made a mistake and because everyone believed that he did something he didn't do, because everyone believed in A-kun who had campaigned against Takashi even though all that Takashi ever did was want to be his friend.

And so two young lives were lost because the world went wrong, because they couldn't talk, because they hurt each other and the world and a mistake and a choice and, oh, it definitely hurts that there are things that can never have closure, things that can never be seen to the end, things and people that will never forgive or be forgiven or be understood at all.

#one room angel #jdrama #japanese drama #bl jdrama #japanese series #bl drama #bl series #asianlgbtqdramas #asian lgbtq dramas #japanese bl series #japanese bl drama #jbl #homophobia #it hurts so much because they hurt each other so much #when they didn't have to at all #a-kun didn't need to hurt takashi #but he did

[thankstothe]

when she brings up freud on the first date

#house md #gregory house #alison cameron #screencap #s01e20 “Love Hurts” #this arc gets better on rewatch honestly #yeah you go girl blackmail house into the most underwhelming date of your life. no need for karma you did it to yourself #im rooting for your contribution to the international struggle of fucking that old man #(ok hes not that old - hes oldER that her - the point stands) #that cute high quality cringe #anyway if she's wilson's parallel narratively then she underleveled to face not parallel house sorry #and parallels do not cross hello #tho its interesting to think about #if you think about it there's cuddy shaped hole in s8 and similarly there's cameron shaped holes all around the series #longpost #tw freud #long post

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

The Akutagawa siblings are fun to think about for the way they are really, really similar to each other with only a few key differences, but by far one of the most notable to me is this.

Akutagawa: There's no point in trying to untangle the maze that is Dazai's mind. He is brilliant and unknowable. Try to dig too deeply and you will be ensnared in a web of darkness.

Gin, in Beast: This guy's lonely as fuck

#ok ok so this all stems from the very different situations they were in and the way dazai chose to present himself #but i'm intrigued by whatever interactions gin and dazai had in the main series and if she came to same conclusion as she did here #i mean. it's not a lie that's the thing. he is lonely. he's also dangerous and manipulative. #it's just intriguing because the point of dazai's manipulations of gin was to feed into her hurt and mistrust #over ryuunosuke choosing revenge over both of their well-beings. #but none of that entails him letting his own loneliness come across. so like. did he just look that miserable? anyways. #bsd #bsd akutagawa #bsd gin #bsd beast

[teamsasukes]

listen i get where people are coming from when they say that nobody should have expected a radical overhaul of the shinobi system considering the series very squarely set up its main theme as not abandoning friends. that certainly was the setup. but i also think it would be inaccurate to say that the story as it evolved affirmed that refusing to abandon one's friends was the be-all and end-all fix for everything. i cannot emphasize this enough: it's not as though the prior generations we saw lacked devotion to their teammates. the problem was that the larger sociopolitical circumstances obstructed their ability to connect in one way or another. even naruto acknowledges at the land of iron that his and sasuke's positions made it impossible for them to reconcile. so for the series to do a 180 and assert that actually friendship was the solution all along (even though there have been no meaningful systemic changes, even though the source of these intergenerational conflicts has not been addressed) rings hollow. it's especially glaring that being violently beaten in a fight makes sasuke desert his quest for justice without any reservation -- therefore no ideological or political separation was bridged, sasuke was just made to forget what motivated him for the entire series' run. naruto and team 7 succeeding where their predecessors failed was not a function of anything they did differently, but mere narrative convenience.

#like. nearly every prominent relationship in this series is definitive proof that love is not enough! #itachi without a doubt loved sasuke and itachi hurt sasuke more immensely than anyone and itachi did it because of loyalty to the state #if that is how you love... your love is worth nothing #so yeah it just feels really disingenuous to say that the series was about the power of friendship all along #and people expecting anything else were watching the wrong series #when textually the power of friendship has ALWAYS proven insufficient #naruto #naruto meta #team 7 #and listen u could certainly argue that the friendship in previous gens was deficient because there was no attempt made #at understanding or compromise. and to really live by obito's nindo you had to prioritize each other over country ALWAYS #but the series didn't do that either. sasuke for all intents and purposes 'lost' #and he was integrated back into konoha by accepting the hitai-ate #nrt had a bunch of weird mixed messaging on that front in general. like hiruzen letting orochimaru go which proved disastrous for konoha #or hiruzen and danzo's whole thing lmao #but whether the uchiha massacre was right/necessary was also left ambiguous so i'm not sure how that's supposed to paint hiruzen

[butw0rldenough]

I call to you. I who was once called blessed because of you.

Euripides, tr. by Anne Carson, Grief Lessons: Four Plays by Euripides

Obi Wan II Anakin

#something something the prequels/anakin's arc is a classical tragedy #but really a tragic play/character who kills his family in a fit of madness and takes years to atone? so many herakles quotes fit #is this anakin talking to obi wan? anakin talking to himself? or obi wan talking to anakin? all three? #all the options work and all the options hurt #anyway i couldn't rest until i did this #obi wan kenobi #darth vader #anakin skywalker #star wars #obi wan kenobi series #obi wan kenobi spoilers #kenobi series #kenobi spoilers #kenobiedit #obiwanedit #anakinedit #vaderedit #swedit #web weaving

[not-poignant]

hiiii! have you considered releasing tradewinds as a single purchase through a site like gumroad?

Hi anon!

So the reason Tradewinds was shelved and not published like 8 years ago, is because I couldn't find an Aboriginal sensitivity reader willing to read m/m with disturbing themes. I had sensitivity readers for the other side of things (like Matan and his heritage), but I kept either not finding anyone, or the one person I found took my $200 USD deposit and vanished and never spoke to me / responded to any of my emails.

As a result, I was uncomfortable distributing it anywhere broadly, even though I was relatively confident the novel isn't offensive, because I just don't know 100%.

I am a lot more confident releasing it via subscription as an exclusive novel, because the people who pay for subscription are often folks who are a) already used to my style of writing and b) generally know what to expect from me, vs. cold audiences who don't. I'm kind of kicking myself that I didn't realise that Tradewinds would make a great exclusive/paywalled release for subscription, because it means it's only ever going to find a very narrow bandwidth of readers.

Basically if I could release it for single purchase - as basically an ebook - I would have released it like 8 years ago, anon. And the reason I have actually released it this specific way is down to the fact that I'm just not really confident offering it for broader distribution.

That might change one day, if I happen to stumble across a sensitivity reader who is okay with my style of writing, who is reputable + has references (i.e. so I know I won't lose a fair chunk of money in the process, because that burned me pretty badly, not gonna lie). But until then, having Tradewinds be limited is the only way I'm comfortable releasing it at all.

Folks are more than welcome to sign up for one month, download the book (and read any other early access they want) and then leave. They can even just put 'I only wanted one thing and now I have it' in the exit survey so I know what they were there for if they want. Then it's still a single purchase (with some early access extras), and they still access the downloadable file. :)

#asks and answers #tradewinds #merchantverse #tradewinds was shelved not because i think it's a bad book #but because i wasn't comfortable going to broad distribution without a very specific kind of sensitivity reader #it was actually meant to be the series i started publishing with #long before perth shifters existed #and then i realised that through writing a highly diverse cast #i might have actually really hurt the future of the series #and had to shelve the whole thing and all the worldbuilding #i really don't regret tradewinds at all #i like the book and i love the characters #but yeah it was complicated #what i thought would be an 'easy' problem to solve was really difficult in part because #'sensitivity readers' is a very USA concept and certainly was back then #and a lot of the folks i enquired with who did offer sensitivity reading on Aboriginal Australian matters #didn't read m/m or didn't want to read anything problematic / with any disturbing themes #which i can understand #but literally reduced my pool to '0 plus that one person who took $200 USD from me at a time when i had to skip medical appts because of it #i'm sure it would be better now #but i'm also happy to offer a novel to folks who sign up to the patreon / ream account #since that is my main and primary income

[something-about-sunflowers]

Really, really thinking some of yall don't know what masochism is tbh. If you think the toe scene was anything approaching textbook masochism then I really need you to pick up the book and start reading it. Where's the consent? Izzy may or may not be a masochist but that is not masochism on display in that scene. That was an act of one party seizing control, not a mutual exchange of it.

#the dork is being a dork #izzy hands #the izcourse #i fucking guess idk #PLEASE stop with the 'he smiled about it so he loved it' #learn what the beautiful sight of a genuine smile on con's face looks like #it ain't that #learn what a fawning response is #recognize that people who are insular/repressed tend to hide when they're hurting or scared #sometimes they hide with anger and aggression #(mind i'm not trying to vilify ed here) #(he did something bad but that doesn't make him irredeemable) #(i think he will have to reckon with the action in order for his own growth and for the sake of his relationship with izzy) #(however their relationship ends up at series end) #(but i also think they all will have to reckon with each other and their actions the onus is not solely on him or any of them)

[mechieonu]

everytime i watch secrets of the scroll i want to grab shifu by the shoulders and shake him like a fucking maraca

#DOES HE EVER LEARN HIS LESSON #shifu: i have made the perfect student #me: you fucked up a perfectly good daughter is what you did. look at her. she's got daddy issues #the bits in the series that feature tigress' reaction to people with openly loving parents kill me #viper @ sots 'oh father I'm going to make you proud' 'i have always been proud of you' #SHIFU WHEN I GET YOU SHIFU WHEN I GET YOU #kfp #GOD THIS APPLIES TO TAI LUNG TOO #i love shifu but like. rewatching tai lung's fight and all the heartache that comes with it #the heartache that is STILL THERE W TIGRESS #sometimes while watching the series i wonder how he sees her #as his daughter? his student? or his chance at redemption for what he did to tai lung? #either way. pain #agony even #tacking on an edit to this bc i don't think she's fundamentally 'bad' bc of shifu's bad parenting #i love tigress #its just the angst surrounding her relationship with shifu HURTS

[keepthetension]

and missing bit number five is this super short one

this is just after dy tells samsee he's going out to grab something to eat

these two are sickening lol

<prev ep 09 missing bit 💚

#cooking crush the series #cooking crush #cooking crush missing bits #my heart breaks for samsee this episode ;; this whole show we've seen how close and supportive these three are! #and samsee was so HAPPY for dy when he saw the forehead kiss! ofc i get fynamite has to hide but it HURTS when your besties lie to you :( #i was saying before samsee changed majors three times and this is not typically something your asian parents would be proud of #and even though his parents seem loving and happy i wonder if samsee feels guilty (guilt is the default asian kid emotion i guess) #so IMAGINE how awesome it'd be to take the super monster chef title home to them! imagine them happily displaying it in their restaurant!! #but his besties are only thinking about dick :( #anyway i love samsee and even though it hurts i love how realistic this conflict is #btw where the fuck did changma go lol he's just missing all of a sudden

[coconut530]

a bride blighted by blood becomes a beast

#Blue Eye Samurai #6 #Hi hello everyone so episode 5. Messed Me Up #As it did with everyone I think #It was so dang beautiful and expertly crafted and thought out like come on #The angst of like Mizu getting stabbed in their stories (stop hurting themmmmm) #The puppet show #Seeing their mom and meeting Mikio #The tenderness of Mizu and Mikio #Their SPAR WAS SO BADASS #MIZU GETTING OUT FROM UNDER THE DOOR AND TRANSFORMING THEIR SWORD #THEM TRYING TO PLEASE MIKIO ONE LAST TIME AND THEN FIGHTING THE MEN GETTING BLOOD ALL OVER THEIR WHITE KIMONO AND SMUDGING THE MAKEUP #HOW IT ALL ENDED!?!? #LIKE THIS SERIES DESERVES 700 EMMYS AND OSCARS FOR THIS EPISODE ALONE #I LOVE IT SO MUCH #GAHHHHHHHHH #anyways take this art I couldn’t resist smudgy makeup and blood-soaked kimono #it actually turned out so cool what the heck their face looks real #Just go watch Blue Eye Samurai if you can like for this episode alone #💙

[ghostlyarchaeologist]

First time in the Library

The Librarian: Quest for the Spear (2004)

#the librarian #flynn carsen #judson #noah wyle #bob newhart #judson is not at all surprised #seems that flynn has always been a walking disaster #how DID he survive 10 years without a guardian? #what you can't hear is the loud crash at the end of this #followed by flynn groaning #it's great #i am very glad they got rid of the glowing bottomed bookcases in the series #it just hurts the eyes #the library in the series is much better designed and better lit for sure #this one just seems too cramped and dark for something that by its nature of being a library should be light and airy #ghostly'sgifs

[odins-sonofmischief]

male writers are bad

I don't think all male writers are bad, but the Loki writers room would have definitely benefited from some female writers for S2.

They clearly didn't know what to do with Sylvie or the relationship between her and Loki which was the heart of S1. That was completely pushed to the background and most of the romance was only in subtext rather than at the forefront. I do wonder if part of the reason was because of all the backlash from S1?? If so it really sucks that pressure from a small group of very vocal and online people can alter the story they're telling. But it wouldn't surprise me if that was the case (I mean look at what happened with the Star Wars sequels).

It seems like a common thing lately especially among male writers to have stories end in tragedy but be framed as happy and hopeful. The main character makes some sort of grand sacrifice resulting in self isolation and/or death. It can be a very powerful trope and be done well, but its just frustrating that seems to be only kinds of endings we're getting these days.

Where are all the happy endings? Why does every romance end with them separated or one of them dead?

I'm just tired.

#ask #anonymous #loki #loki series #sylki #loki spoilers #sorry went on a bit of a rant #overall I did enjoy the season #but its blatantly obvious they sidelined sylvie #and the romance was almost non existent #and for a character like loki who has been through so much #to have his story end with him alone really hurts #and where is all the romance?? #don't get me wrong platonic relationships and found family are important too!! #but thats all we seem to be getting these days #why are romantic relationships with a happy ending impossible to find anymore? #mytxt