#allos explain yourself

[bloggingboutburgers]

I find your comics very cute and informative as an allo person. It's always interesting to see things from someone's perspective that isn't my own. Although I do have aspec friends who run the gamut of identities.

Sometimes I think that there's a lot of pushback around aspec identities because the way that people define sexual attraction and romantic love can be so wildly different from person to person and it confuses people on all sides of the equation. I've noticed it similarly when I try to explain how I'm nonbinary. Because not everyone understands or defines womanhood (which I rejected) or being nonbinary in the same way.

You said it yourself in an ask once that you weren't totally sure how to define what you feel for your QPR and how it was different from romantic love and that's definitely felt true to me sometimes. A few years back I read a post from a romance repulsed person who described a very cheesy (for lack of a better word) kind of concept of romance that was all about hearts and flowers and lots of big gestures and I can honestly say that I don't find that romantic. Their definition of their feelings for their QPR were actually far closer to what I would define as romantic love for myself.

It's kind of amazing how human beings can have so many experiences and some of them even very similar and just feel completely differently about them. I don't feel that person's definition of themselves as aro is wrong but my considering it love isn't wrong either because our feelings are different and that's honestly beautiful to me? Sometimes I feel like being queer is really all about your own vibes which is why I don't try to define anyone else's experience for them, lol.

Anyway, I love your comics and being able to see another person's perspective on love and sex. I wish you all the best in your continued endeavors!!

I'm so sorry, this is definitely another ask I'm sharing wayyy too late but – honestly YES. Yes to all of this. I agree whole-heartedly about everything you've said and I'm grateful some people share this perspective across the board TwT Thank you so much for sharing!! And thank you for the kind words, I wish you the best too!!

#anon #nonbinary #asexual spectrum #aromantic spectrum #aroace #so true

[monarch-of-jack]

I might be the only one here. But the reason I feel conflicted when I see people shipping and sexualizing Aspec characters, is because I don't trust most of you to be respectful about it. Not to mention some of you straight up arent.

Yes, Aspecs are an incredibly diverse group of people. I KNOW. I've been in their circles for well over 10 years. But do you all really care about that?

If you don't, then you're really just using it as an excuse to ignore their identities.

Let me make it very clear that I support exploring ALL the nuanced ways that someone can be Aspec. We are so much more varied than just sex-repulsed Aces and romance-repulsed Aros. (Though those are still valid experiences, don't shit on them!)

There are Allosexual Aromantics. There are Alloromantic Asexuals. Aspecs in Queerplatonic Relationships. Grey-Aspecs, Demi-Aspecs, Oriented AroAces, Cupio-, Flux-, Lith-, Fray-, Recipro- Aego-, and a million other types of Aspecs. It's a huge spectrum.

And orientation doesn't equal action. There are sex/romance favorable Aspecs. There are kinky & kink favorable Aspecs. Aces that have and have had sex for whatever reason. Aros that are and have been in romantic relationships for whatever reason. Maybe they felt pressured. Maybe they were experimenting. Maybe they were still finding themselves. Maybe they were forced. Maybe they do it for their partner. Maybe they do it for money or their image. Maybe they just like it despite lacking attraction. Aspecs are people. They are all different and all equally valid in how they live their lives.

A character being Aspec literally just means they're lacking attraction in one way or another. So there's still endless possibilities in creating canon and fanon for them.

But are most of you really shipping characters like Alastor, Peridot, Jughead and co. as Aspecs, or are you looking for excuses to disregard their identity?

Have you actually educated yourself about their identities so you can portrait them accurately and respectfully? Are you infantilizing and patronizing them or make them act stupid? Do you make them pitiful, antisocial, or 'difficult to deal with'? Are you arguing with Aspec people when they point out something is problematic? Are you accepting input from Aspec people? Do you explain that you're shipping/sexualizing that Aspec character because of your specific headcanon or AU? Do you get angry if you have to clarify that after the fact? If you as an Allo, ship or sexualize Aspec characters, do you really do it with them still being Aspec?

The thing is, you can. But a lot of you don't. And that's why Aspec people react defensifely.

We have little to no representation in the media as it is. And yet you're annoyed when we ask you not to diminish or erase their identities.

I want to see Aspecs in all kinds of situations and with all sorts of preferences. But way too many of you are ready to shit on Aspec identities to get your fanon out.

I could go on for days about this. But the fact that some of you will get angy that I even made this post is exactly what I'm talking about.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #asexual #aromantic #aroace #aspec #jughead #riverdale #peridot #steven universe #demisexual #greysexual #demiromantic #greyromantic #aspec community #aspec pride

[thymelessink]

I remember when I told my friend about how I felt about my coworker and how I tried to explain to her that it feels like my celebrity crushes and she was like "yeah sure, tell yourself that"...honestly it kinda made me question myself. Because to her me explaining that it feels like "my heart is going to jump out of my throat" was a clear description of a normal crush. But now it's been a while and I have brand new celebrity crushes and it feels exactly the same. I love them so much my heart hurts but definitely not in an allo-crush way.

So daily reminder, dear aroace people: Trust your own feelings and not what other people perceive as your feelings. Just confuses you.

#aroace #oriented aroace #aromantic #asexual #asexuality #aspec #arospec #aro #ace

[journeysfable]

Can some of y'all be more aropec friendly jfc

Hot take but if you can't explain why you ship two characters without shoving aspec people under the bus (hint: we are not inherently assholes) (second hint: we are capable of enjoying the way someone looks) (third hint: we are capable of having intimate and deep relationships that aren't romantic or sexual.) (fourth hint: read the third one again) (Fifth hint: hot take but 'friends don't do x' 'yea sure but you only think of them as a friend /sarc' 'more than friendly things' are inherently aphobic)

Maybe you should ask yourself why you feel the need to ship those characters romantically at all. If you can't come up with an answer than I think you should read about amatonormativity and start unlearning some shit

If you just want two characters to get together, I promise you can make argument for it that doesn't boil down to stomping all over aspec people.

Sorry if I'm being a little rude-

Actually I'm not gonna apologize.

I'm aroace and I'm making that everyone else's problem because allos have shoved me and my experiences under the radar my entire fucking life and I have 0% patience and tolerance for this shit.

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #qsmp #< cause thats the fandom that's pissed me off today #and again I'm making this everyone elses problem #because romantic shit always gets shoved in my face so #and no one even asks if I'm ok with it #so why should I give everyone else an option?

[angryaromantics]

It's fun that allo cis straight people not knowing what aro/ace identities even are is used by some queer people as another argument to support aphobia not being real, and not, in fact, an erasure of our identities.

This is the same argument that was used against bi people. "Straight passing privilege" isn't real. Shut up! It's not a privilege to have your identity erased and have to continuously explain yourself to be understood. That's Proof of aphobia, actually.

#koko thinkin thots #aphobia #biphopia #just in case #to that anon more proof that i Am always pissed off #that video mossyaro reposted activated my Anger response #aromantic

[whereserpentswalk]

Its very far in the future, humanity has spread out across the galaxy, to the point where nobody on one edge of human space knows what the other edge is like, most humans haven't even seen earth.

Your family had to flee your homeworld for political reasons. And the planet you ended up fleeing to is one with very little contact with outsiders, perhaps more contact with aliens then they even do with other humans.

The planet has completely removed sexuality and romance from the humans who live there. They just have a quick procedure when they're born, that takes away their romantic and sexual attraction, as well as libido and any physical arousal or erotic sensation. You didn't get the procedure when you came to their planet but you were young enough to assimilate into their culture.

For most of you're life you're the only person who you know who has any of these sexual or romantic feelings. It's not that hard when you're a kid, but once you hit puberty you start feeling things about your freinds and people you know that nobody else can relate to. It's like you want to touch them in ways you can't put into words.

Because nobody on the planet has sexual emotions, they don't have modesty standards. Occasionally you'll see someone in an outfit that reveals their genitals, and it's no big deal, not common but not unheard of. You know a girl whose always bottomless because of sensory issues, and it's no diffrent then how people would react to any other fashion choice. And people will just touch and cuddle eachother too, without romance it doesn't have any significance beyond platonic attraction. It's common for freinds to just cuddle and stuff like that. And it's just considered normal.

You feel really bad about being attracted to people. They don't realize what it's like for you. You try to describe it, but they don't understand. Some people ask why you don't get the procedure, and you have to explain to them that at this point it would be like losing part of yourself. Even if everyone else is fine with never feeling these things, you have to feel them, for your own sake.

Some people get really scared of you when they find out that you're allo. They think you'll do something to them, and want to not be seen by you, afraid that you'll think about them in an alien way. They're used to foreigners being attracted to people, not someone who knows their language, and lives in their city.

Eventually you meet someone who is really interested in the concept of attraction even though she can't feel it herself. She gets really excited when she finds out you actually experience it. She asks if you find her cute, you're terrified saying that you do, but she gets so happy realizing that she's actually able to have someone attracted to her, even if she can never experience it back.

She let's you touch her in any way you'd like, she finds it so fascinating, the way you rub her genitals when she let's you touch her sexually, even if she can't feel anything back. The way you reinvent what she tells you is a kiss, when she let's you cuddle her in a way she tells you she wants to be romantic. She knows she can't feel anything back, it's just a hyperfixation for her, but she likes watching you.

Eventually she asks if it's ok if she touches your genitals in a way to try to make you orgasm. She's so excited to see how fully functional genitals work. But its nothing to her at the same time. You feel like a zoo animal and like your exploiting her all in one. Like you wish she could be your girlfriend but never can be. She explains to you that it doesn't have to mean anything you don't want it to, you explain to her that that's not how it works for you.

You eventually get the procedure done. You spend your last days as an allo person looking at people you find attractive, and having your last orgasms. When the procedure is done you miss so much of your old self, you miss looking at people and feeling joy from how they look. You miss how touching yourself used to feel.

You live a normal life for someone on this planet. You'll never have any romantic or sexual relationships again. If you have children when you're older it'll be through artifical insemination, and there won't be any feelings twords the other parent.

The girl who used to be obsessed with attraction contacts you one day, after the procedure is done, telling you she met some foreigners who want to reverse the procedure for her. You tell her it's too late for you to be involved, but she's going to feel a lot of new feelings soon, mabye you could talk to her about it, but just talk, nothing more.

#196 #my thougts #worldbuilding #writing #my worldbuilding #my writing #queerness #queer theory #queer #asexuality #asexual #asexuel #aro #aroace #aromantic #aromantism #arospec #acespec #scifi #scifi writing #scifi worldbuilding #science fantasy #science fiction #sci fi writing #sci fi

[weministertomonsters]

To Break A King

You take a deep breath as the guards pull open the heavy doors that lead into the dungeons. You're not going to talk to him, that's your plan. You're here for one thing only.

The guards don't talk to you either, because you're not Queen yet. Not until you birth a High Fae of Neverrin blood. The crown is what you're after and you promised yourself a long time ago that you'd do anything to get it.

The final iron door grates open and you're staring into a dark pit of a cell. The faint beam of moonlight through the tiny window does very little to illuminate the room.

"Close the doors," you instruct as you step inside.

The doors creak shut behind you with a cavernous thump. With a snap of your hand, a candelabra is conjured in the corner of the room, the soft wax already beginning to melt. And finally, you see your prize.

Talon of Neverrin is sitting chained up against the wall, and he does not look very happy as he meets your gaze. The heat of betrayal fills his eyes.

"You," he growls, jerking his chains.

"Hello, your Majesty," you smirk. "How does imprisonment suit you?"

"You tricked me into this," he snaps. "How well do you imagine it suits me?"

"It must make your heart ache so. To know that you gave up your kingdom for the promise of love," you snicker.

"You tricked me," he repeats, though he drops his gaze as if embarrassed.

"What, you thought only the Fae were capable of such deceit? Don't be so small-minded, Talon."

"The kingdom will never be yours and it will never belong to your kind," he insists, a muscle jumping in his jaw as he looks up at you.

The candlelight makes his dark, tawny skin glow and even though he has seen better days, he's still beautiful.

"I must admit, I didn't expect you to have a backup plan," you murmur, hiking up your flouncy skirts so you can crouch comfortably in front of him, pressing your chin against your knee. "A full-blooded Neverrin is the only one who can claim the throne, so say your woven laws. Very crafty."

"I never married," Talon says. "And I was careful not to sire any offspring, so you will find no such victory."

You raise your eyebrows and pout playfully at him. "But you underestimate how low I can stoop."

It takes him some time to understand. When the realization dawns on his face he shakes his head so vigorously that the ribbon in his hair, which was already loose, slips off completely.

"You wouldn't dare!" He spits. "I am the King of the Never Ending."

"And you're locked up in my dungeon," you retort. "I do not think you have much of a say in this."

"Witch," his eyes narrow. "Whatever you plan to do, you will regret it."

You sigh and push your collar to the side, exposing your shoulder and neck where the skin is crawling with black veins.

"Your sword poisoned me," you explain.

His expression is unreadable. "Are you dying?"

"No. But my magic is greatly hindered. Far too much to use, lest I encourage the poison to take root even more," you sigh. "So I am being forced to do this the mortal way."

His eyes darken. "Adelia-"

"Do not speak that name," you narrow your eyes. "You can pretend I'm not here if it will make you feel better."

"That is a ridiculous request-" he cuts off sharply as you put a hand on his thigh and squeeze.

"You were never meant to get in the middle of it," you tell him. "For that I am sorry. But I have to do this."

You straddle his lap, your dress creating a sea of silk around both of you.

"Adelia..."

You grit your teeth and adjust the chains, tugging his arms up and away, so he can't reach for you. You don't think you could bear that. You pick up the ribbon and avoiding his eyes, you scoop his curly hair back and re-tie it, making a mental note to send some things down for him later, a hairbrush included. You're not a monster after all.

Curse this Fae. He's staring at you with a jumble of emotion on his face. There's a tiny bit of hunger there too. He's been down here for two weeks with nothing to do. His chains aren't even long enough to allow him to touch himself. You're going to capitalize on the lust you spent months stoking in him to get his guard down, long before all this transpired.

You lean forward and kiss his cheekbone, the corner of his lips, and then his jawbone.

He gasps your name softly.

"I told you not to call me by that name," you remind him, ripping the delicate ruffles on his shirt as you hastily loosen the ribbons on the front so that it falls open.

You press your hand against his chest and feel the thumping of his heart deep within.

"So what do I call you?" He challenges.

"Witch? Moonbitch? Cunt?" You offer. "You called me all those things."

"It was the least I could do. Imagine being trounced and tied like a hog for the slaughter. I was humiliated and angry."

"And are you now?" You look into his light-colored eyes. "Are you angry?"

"I am furious," he says, his lips curling into a sharp smile. "I will not let you win so easily."

"I will win," you tell him, pressing your hips forward. "I always win."

He takes a deep breath and his eyelids flutter. "Damn you," he murmurs, but it sounds weak.

All the blood is rushing from his head to another place. You grin wickedly and push his head to the side.

"What are you doing now?" He demands.

"Hush," you murmur. "This will barely hurt."

That's a lie, of course. A Kaya's bite stings like a viper's and aches deep within the bones. His body stiffens as your fangs sink into his neck and he curses in the ancient highborn tongue, but it washes harmlessly over you as you bind yourself to him.

You're in pain as well, your shoulder aching fiercely as the poison prickles in your veins and soaks into your system, but you have to see this through.

If you're going to die, you can't die alone.

━━━✿━━━

So I have a habit of starting stories right in the middle of all the action? Things make sense to me because when I write I'm usually thinking of enough backstory and plot for an entire novel.

Yes, this is short. I started cooking and fell short of ingredients. 😅

I hope it's not too confusing though!

#exophilia #monster x reader #monster x human #monster lover #fae #witch

[starchilddante]

You know, I honestly get really stressed about having to constantly explain to people that being ace doesn't mean you don't enjoy sexual acts, whether that be by yourself or with a partner.

Like, bro, I said I'm asexual, not celibate.

You don't get to invalidate my ace experience because I own adult toys or becsuse someone has sex with a partner. Ace is ALWAYS valid.

"Oh, you like that person? Are you SURE? How do you know you're allo? What if your ace and you don't even KNOW? Have you ever tried being ace???"

See how silly that sounds?

Iike bruh. I'm ace. Deal with it.

#asexual #pride #lesbian #lgbtq #ace pride #lgbtqia #ace is not a choice #ace is valid #ace is always valid

[aroaceconfessions]

[CW: Aphobia]

It kinda sucks being aroace since it's hard to explain it to people. It would be easier coming out as gay, bi, trans or anything else. To have to explain to allos that you just don't feel romantic and sexual attraction is so difficult. They understand anything else but you having a lack of attraction. Not to say that other people have an easier time or that anybody else can't have unsupporting friends and family, but still. When you tell people you don't feel something as seemingly universal as sexual or romantic attraction, they'll assume something is wrong with you or that you haven't found the right person yet. That you have trauma and refuse to acknowledge it. That you're actually just normal and just want to apply labels to yourself for attention. It sucks. Being aro or ace feels like such a foreign concept to allo people and a lot of the time they'll just make up reasons to explain why you, somebody entirely different from them, are actually not that.

Submitted April 8, 2023

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #aspec #aro #ace #arospec #acespec #arose #aphobia #acephobia #arophobia #invalidation #coming out

[boba-tea-addict-1004]

🔥Coming out to Rengoku as Asexual🔥

Asexual Reader x Rengoku Kyojuro

A/N: I wanted to make this for the final day of Asexual awareness week 2023

To all my fellow A-spec people you are loved and worthy 🖤🤍💜

⚠TW: Minor Sexual themes (nothing graphic and has to do with the last trigger), Internal Aphobia and Allo Passing⚠

You and Kyojuro were close... so close... everyone expected you two to get married. you and Kyojuro tried to shake it off, but you just couldn't. the both of you ended up getting into courtship, but it was mainly just you trying to get the others off your back and to an extent maybe it was to give them what they wanted.

you were different.

you couldn't really relate to Mitsuri or Tengan when they brought up the topic of attraction and sex. hell, there was a part of you that felt minorly repulsed by it. when you told them a few times that you weren't into it they sort of made a face. one of confusion. from that point on you felt isolated, not only that you just felt like you weren't meeting whatever criteria there was for what was considered 'basic human emotions'

maybe that's one reason why you chose kyojuro as your guineapig. he never pushed that on you and just respected whatever boundaries you gave him.. the idea of kissing him alone wasn't terrible.

you talked about it with him and you though maybe you should just rip off the band-aid and be done with it. but when the time came you just backed out swiftly. before either of you did anything you just put your clothes back on and went back to your estate.

Kyo didn't mind he just was more concerned about you.

you kept a certain distance in your time together since you two became official..

he didn't want to lose you...

"Y/n.." Kyojuro knocked. you been inside for over a week and every other time a hashira has come to see you they were met with cold dead silence. "Y/n.. can we talk... please.." right when kyo was about to leave on the other side of the door you responded

"your- not mad.."

"Why would i be mad?"

"..i mean.. about.. the other day.."

"oh... no not at all" he assured "I'm just more worried about you.."

"..."

"may i come in?"

you open the door, your face stained with tears and your uniform was wrinkled. as he stepped inside he saw there was dust starting to build up. "if.. if we're moving to fast i could-"

"kyo... i'm sorry... but... i dont want to keep going with this.."

"y/n?.." he sat down at the table.

the moment you sat down in front of him you sighed "something.. is... wrong.. with me.."

he listened letting you go on

"i don't know how to explain it but... i don't feel the things that mitsuri and Tengan describe. none of the other's feel this way so there has to be something i'm missing. i thought that if i spent enough time with you i'd feel those things eventually but i cant... people tell me i just need to wait for the right person to come along but... i waited my entire life and .... nothing." you sigh "i'm broken...."

Kyo was stunned. not that you couldn't feel that type of attraction but that you tried to keep all this in and even force yourself to do things simply because that's what was expected. it hurt him to see you like this..

"what if.. there is no right person..." you clench your fist and look down "what if... I'm alone forever..."

he quickly goes to your side and hugs you "no.. no your not broken..." he continued to hold you close and stroke your hair. "human.. we never are whole by anything.. money.. fame.. power.. so something like that couldn't make you whole to begin with... how can you be broken if something like intimacy couldn't even make uzui or mitsuri whole to begin with"

you look into his eyes and saw nothing but pure honesty

"and you will never be alone.. not ever.. not if you have me and are surrounded by people who will love and respect you the way you are."

you smile wiping a few tears "kyo.."

he pats your head "you are perfect the way you are... and anyone who cares enough to know the real you will see that"

you chuckle then after a bit think "...hey... want to try again. i know it's not 'traditional' but ... could we be together still... without any of the romance or ... sex?"

kyo nodded "that's okay... if I'm honest i personally liked us better as friends anyway"

"Really?"

he nods "so... does that mean we're... super best friends or something?"

"I'm not sure... we can work out the details later"

he smiled ruffling your hair

In weeks since you and Kyo told the others, about your feelings and shinobu actually has a name for it now. Asexual or Asexuality (derived from the scientific word of reproduction not involving the fusion of gametes.) although this was something that was new, you liked the way you felt after that, everyone understood and respected that. as for you a Kyo.. you were platonic soulmates till the end..

you never needed that to feel whole..

what made you feel whole in the end.. was true connection and understanding

Everything was fine after that and there were no missions involving trains after that...

#asexual #asexual reader #asexuality #demon slayer #kyojuro rengoku #fanfictoin #kimetsu no yaiba #qpr #QPR x reader #light angst #angst with a happy ending #angst

[teathyme4thedevil]

Obey Me! Demon Brother’s Reaction to an Aromantic Asexual MC:

•

*This MC, Thyme, is an AMAB Aromantic Asexual Agender person who is poly with all of the brothers in a QPR. They act as if it’s romantic and Thyme acts platonically, this is their dynamic and it works.

** Non smut mentions of mastrubation and arousal on the brothers end. No smut!

Lucifer: He wouldn’t mind at all, given that he hardly ever feels sexual or romantic attraction himself. He holds no judgement or scorn for Thyme. Only some mild disappointment, once he finds himself romantically and sexually attracted to them, that their boundaries prevent him from making them feel as good as they make him feel. He’s the most affectionately reserved amongst all the brothers, which matches Thyme’s speed well.

- Very occasionally mastrubates to thoughts of Thyme (with permission). Can become aroused when being touched intimately. Rarely acts upon it.

- Acts like an emotionally distant partner when in public, but is very sweet and loyal in private.

Mammon: At first he doesn’t understand. How can someone not fall in love or want sex? You’re 100% kidding? Right?? Eventually, with the combined efforts of Thyme and Asmo (mostly Asmo, given that Thyme was too embarrassed to say much), they educate him on the terminology and he kind of gets it. Enough to respect Thymes boundaries, and to negotiate a partnership between the two of them where they’re both comfortable. He already has everything they could give him, he’s fine if it’s minus sex. “Ah well, you like what you like and you don’t what you don’t. Don’t let anyone stop ya from being yourself, even if it’s me!”

- Still mastrubates, especially to thoughts of Thyme, (with permission).

- Treats Thyme like he’s their boyfriend with no expectations for reciprocity.

Leviathan: Is more familiar with the human concepts of the LGBTQ community due to watching so much Yuri anime, but similar to Mammon is Allo af and needed a primer on AroAce basics. The knowledge that Thyme doesn’t feel attracted to ANYONE actually satisfies his intense jealousy issues, even if you aren’t attracted to him, at least you’re not attracted to anyone else! Used to being a “gross otaku virgin” for millennia anyways, being in a partnership with Thyme wasn’t much different sexually speaking. He’d just jerk off to mental images of them in private (with permission) and be a loving partner the rest of the time. GG EZ!

- Honestly jerks off pretty often, he can’t help it, he thinks Thyme’s hot!

- Acts more like a best friend than anything most of the time, but likes to mark them in public to satiate his envy.

Satan: Ever since he was “born” he’d never felt any romantic or sexual feelings for anyone. Not until Thyme came into his life at least. That’s when stirrings of romantic feelings began to swim in his mind, heart and soul. He’s more than fine not having sexual relations with Thyme, finding the act unpleasant anyways. He’ll stick to reading about it in his romance novellas and leave it there. Overall, probably the best match up.

- Has never and will never touch himself. Feels no need to.

- Big boyfriend energy. Loves one-on-one dates and holding hands and kissing foreheads.

Asmodeus: For many, many years thought of himself as Aromantic. Oh yeah, this guy knows his terms. Hanging out with the crowds he does, he’s up to date with queer human terminology. He was the one to help explain Thyme’s gender identity to the other brothers after all. But when it comes to them, those heart pounding, dry mouthed, sweaty handed moments happen all too often for him to consider himself anything other than Demiromantic. In fact, he falls so in love with Thyme that he find himself no longer turned on by anyone else, not for a lack of trying, exclusively becoming attracted to them. They work it out eventually, developing a similar dynamic that Thyme has with Levi.

- Despite trying not to, once he falls for Thyme, he finds himself Thymesexual. He becomes disgusted with himself for attempting to continue his casual flings once he discovers he loves Thyme more than he loves himself.

- Girlfriend energy if we’re being honest here. Loves slumber parties and dress ups and drinking from the same mug in cafes. Craves acknowledgment and intimacy.

Beelzebub: He’s had crushes in the past, with little blips of sexual attraction, but nothing like what Thyme stirs up inside of him. Beel has never reacted so strongly to someone before, so when Asmo explained to him that Thyme was incapable of returning his affections, he at first was hurt. Did they not like him? Was he too much? Was he too little? Where did he go wrong?! It took a few comparisons to food to have him understand the situation but once he did, he didn’t know why he freaked out in the first place. Honestly? Nothing was going to change between them and he was already happy with their current relationship dynamics anyways. Things were pretty great actually.

- Mastrubates when pent up or can’t sleep. Half of the time thinks of nothing, half of the time it’s Thyme.

- Big brother energy for the most part, but loves tender kisses and weirdly enough, licking them.

Belphegor: Didn’t know what he was capable of until he met Thyme. Romantically, sexually, homicidally…Affected by a rare genetic condition amongst demons, turning him basically into the worlds worst Yandere when first seeing Thyme, he wanted anything Thyme was willing to give. Even if it meant that he would never be able to act out on his new and unexplored sexuality in anything other than fantasies. As long as Thyme stays with him, he’d do anything for them, even stay celibate if they so wished.

- New to sexual feelings and, unlike Satan, will act upon them in private.

- Very casual in public but hyper affectionate in private or in front of his brothers. Show off.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me yandere #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #very very self indulgent #I know OCs aren’t everyone’s cup of tea #but I hope that Thyme vibes with at least a few of you #especially those that are aroace too

[traceyshortfilm]

Last night I had a conversation with a couple of friends, trying to explain to them how I've been wondering for several months now if I'm asexual. I felt like I had to explain every single reason why I do and they kept telling things like "maybe you just haven't found the right partner" , "maybe there are still some (other) things you could do in bed which don't involve penetration..." Or asking me Qs like: "but do you still masturbate, right?" And they didn't understand that aces can also masturbate.

The main question here is... Do you think I should continue getting myself into situations I know for sure are uncomfortable for me? Just for the sake of "finding out if I'm really ace". I think they're just invalidating my speech tbh. Maybe they don't believe in asexuality????

I'm so sorry that your friends weren't very understanding. I find that a lot of allosexual people see asexuality as a "problem"/"less fulfilling experience" and offer their perspective on fixing said "problem" or trying to find solutions to it. However - these "solutions" are made for allosexual people, not aces. Because your friends inherently see their personal experience as "correct", they may try and steer you in the direction that they, as allos, would find solutions in - "others things in bed without penetration" etc etc. I try not to assume any harm is meant by this, as it seems more like ignorance than maliciousness, but I also don't know your friend-group & dynamics. I totally feel your frustration in having to explain yourself, and have people always "devil's-advocate" you in conversation. I also pondered for many years whether I was ace or not, and had frustrating conversations as well.

Typically, if people have to *wonder * if they are something, 9 times out of 10 they are . Yes, it's perfectly normal for people to wonder things, and even allos at some point in their life might have wondered if they were ace. But the difference here is that you have pondered on this for months. You have had time to think about your experience and usually when people suspect they are ace, they never do so flippantly. If sexual attraction has never come naturally or easy to you, I think you very well may be ace. If asexual is the label that best aligns with how you feel, then you are asexual! I want you to know there is nothing wrong with using a label that fits you now, even if it changes later. Some lucky people find their label that perfectly describes them, and it never changes. But a lot of people go through a journey to find their truth & community. And that is a good thing! If you feel you are asexual, then you are. No one should invalidate that. You know yourself best and know your experience best. We have a video on our channel "How Can I Know If I'm Ace" - very simply put - if you don't typically experience sexual attraction, you are on the asexual spectrum, and by learning more about asexuality, can find the label that best fits you". Also, I'm not sure how open your friends are to learning about it, but they could do well to watch our Asexuality 101 series hahah!

Please don't put yourself in any uncomfortable situations - you know yourself better than anyone and you don't need to "find out" if you're "really asexual" or if "other alternatives" will work for you. Listen to your mind, body & spirit, and if your first reaction to situations is not excitement & attraction, then please don't force yourself to do anything. Your first reaction, your gut reaction is almost always right.

I know it's easier said than done, especially when coming from people whose opinions you hold in regard, but please don't let your friends make you think that: "yOu cAnT kNoCk iT tiLL yOu tRy iT". That's not true. I grew up around a lot of people who were experiencing sexual attraction & sexual feelings long before they ever had sex for the first time. So if they were able to know that they'd want & enjoy sex before trying it, how is you knowing you wouldn't want it before trying it any less valid? It's not.

I hope that in future conversations, your friends support you as any good friends would. Please know you always have community here in the asexual community and that you're not alone.

Long story short, if you feel asexual, then you really are asexual!

Sending so much love, care & support, thank you for sharing your story with me <3

#asks #asexuality #asexual #community #anon ask #lgbtqia #asexual community #acepride #asexual pride

[our-asexual-experience]

CW: sex mention

So I heard a friend discussing the other day about someone they cared about and how one of the reasons their boyfriend was an all around asshole (he genuinely was, this wasn't the only reason) was that like whenever her and him had sex she always had to like get herself off after alone and like I get the idea behind why that's not a good dynamic, ideally everyone involved in having sex should feel fulfilled in someway after sex regardless of whether either of them even fully get off but i couldnt help just sitting there going ".....yeah thats like the onlh way i like to engage in sex"

Like I'm sex-neutral to sex-favorable and I enjoy having sex....like, sort of. Honestly an ideal idea of having sex to me is getting to participate, and having like nothing reciprocated towards me and me even literally, going off and getting myself off after.

But this is really hard to explain, even to my really supportive allo-sexual partner, and don't get me wrong, I love the fact that my partner is so supportive of being with me the rest of our lives regardless of if we have sex, but the thing is I *like* sex, just not in an allosexual way, and that's hard for people who are allosexual to grasp because it feels a lot of all or nothing to them sometimes it seems, where they can wrap their heads around you wanting to never have sex, but a middle zone, of like enjoying sex and wanting it but not wanting anything for yourself, is hard for them to grasp, because to them I think that feels like, not enjoying it, doing something you don't like for someone else, etc, and idk, don't get me wrong I will absolutely always take my current partner's level of acceptance of my ace identity, but sometimes it is exhausting to like, have to constantly reassure someone I do want the thing, I just don't want it the way you do

Yeah, that must be annoying to have to explain all the time. But I’m glad you’re partner is supportive of you!

#asexual #ace #our asexual experience #lgbtqia

[aspecpplarebeautiful]

Help I'm crisising

I'm aroace and i have this friend who I've known for a couple years but only gotten close two in the last few months, and I really like her. I've had a weird alterous attraction crush on her for literal years and recently now that we've gotten closer I'm wondering if we could someday be in some sort of qpr thing. I know she's some sort of queer, and she knows that I am, though not specifically aroace, and I know she's not in any relationships.

The problem is:

I'm really confused about what I feel, cause I've never felt anything close to this for anyone, ever, and I'm also really aware that she's one of the first friends and definitely the closest that I've had since a major depressive episode I had that lasted 1-2 years and so I'm worried that maybe I'm kinda latching on to her to feel normal and not lonely anymore. Basically I'm just constantly second-guessing my feelings, but I also have pretty solid evidence that I shouldn't trust myself with them.

I don't know what she knows about being aroace, and I don't know if she'd be interested in a QPR

I don't know if she's interested in me. She definitely likes as a friend, but I'm horrible at telling what feelings people have towards me beyond than friendly, angry, or indifferent

And if ever she made a move on me, I'd be into it, but I don't know how to explain "actually I'm aroace and so like half of the things you'd expect out of an allo dating relationship are off the table, and also I will never be able to love you in the way most would people expect from me" Also, at what point do you even bring that up? Before or after doing anything? The inciting incident of all this was today when she was driving me home from her place and while we were leaving her brother was bugging me to tell him about her love life and asking questions like "Does she have a bf/gf? Is she dating (other friend of hers)?" and "Are you two dating? Are you going to kiss in the car?" and she told him to stop and not make me uncomfortable, but in my head I was just thinking "not as uncomfortable as you think." And then I was thinking about maybe kissing her the whole car ride, and I was kinda hoping maybe she would. Sorry for the massive wall of text I'm overthinking everything and driving myself mad. I don't have anyone who knows I'm queer besides her so I have nobody to talk to about this.

First of all Anon, remember that it's OK to be confused, and it's OK to not be quite sure what you want. You're navigating these feelings for the first time, and they're generally big feelings which can also make them harder to decipher, especially in the moment.

Sometimes imagining different scenarios can help and sometimes certain scenarios will appeal to you a lot more (remember QPRs are heavily tailored, and can include and not include whatever the people in them want). Sometimes journaling can help with sorting out what you're feeling too, and if you're not sure where to start, there's a lot of good tips for effective journaling online.

It is OK to not have everything figured out right away. Sometimes things also play out over time, you can talk and try things out and see where things go. Honestly my advice would probably be to just start by telling her you're aroace and, if this is something you want to pursue, talking about QPRs, or how aroaces sometimes do relationships a bit differently where the relationship can be tailored to each other/pick and choose what that relationship involves or not. And maybe that would be something that appeals to her, maybe it won't, and you can take note of how you're feeling too. (Of course if you decide you prefer the relatioship you have with her now and don't want to change anything, that's an option too.)

Go easy on yourself, you're figuring all this out as you go. Remember there's two ways this can go, either things work out how you want them to, which would be great, or they won't and you'll still learn a lot in the process and be a lot more ready and prepared the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.

All the best, and good luck!

[bookish-bogwitch]

Trope Grading Game aka Grope Trading Game

Thanks for the tags @artsyunderstudy, @you-remind-me-of-the-babe, and @aristocratic-otter! This seems like a lot of fun.

@ileadacharmedlife @moodandmist @facewithoutheart @skee3000 @ivelovedhimthroughworse @cutestkilla @thewholelemon @raenestee, and everyone whose fic is mentioned below and everyone reading this, consider yourself tagged if you haven't gone!

Rules: How much do these tropes affect your decision to click on a fic?

-10 -> very dissuaded

0 - don’t care either way

+10 -> very enticed

nope -> if it’s a hard no and you’d never click on a fic with that tag or or you even have the tag blocked or you’d insta click out of the fic if it wasn’t tagged

Bonus points for explaining the rating and whether it’s conditional.

Age gap: -2

Not into it at all for younger characters, but I don't mind for older ones. I haven't read a lot of couples with bigger age gaps but I wouldn't rule out enjoying it in the right context--though I can't see being into it for the sake of the trope itself. (I love you for you, Malcolm Grimm.) Codependency: Interdependency: +7

The template asks about codependency but I finally looked up what codependency means and it's about an uneven relationship where a partner, friend, or family member subsumes their own needs in the course of accommodating / enabling another person's destructive behavior. Is that anyone's jam? There's a reason Rainbow skipped the 12 months between the CO epilogue and the start of WS...

But if we're talking interdependency, then I'm super into it. Octavia Butler was right: "dependency is sexy if it's chosen and not coercive. Symbiosis is a kind of dependency. A dependency of equals is best." Snowbaz symbolizes this with the whole hot/cold body temp thing, which is #sharingabedgoals, and there's lots of great fic in this fandom exploring it, my all-time fave being @fatalfangirl's stunning Bound and Determined.

Obsession/Possessiveness, jealousy: +2

Obsession, sure, sign me up. What is Simon at all those football practices if not obsession?

And I can get behind jealousy as a device for revealing the depth of otherwise hidden or even denied feelings. But active, power-and-control-wheel possessiveness? Gross.

Opposites (grumpy/sunshine etc): +5

Yeah! I love watching the grump's walls come down. But with the caveat that the sunshine can't be a one-dimensional, manic pixie dream character, because the that's just boring and I don't care about them.

Enemies to lovers, Enemies with benefits: +5

What snowbaz fan isn't into this? But a key element for me is that there has to be some reason behind the initial enemies dynamic besides one or both of them just being an asshole. Maybe they think that's what's up at first and then learn otherwise, but if their enemy status is based on something real, like they genuinely hate each other based on accurate knowledge about each other, I find it implausible and probably also difficult to like one or both of them.

That's part of why Snowbaz works for me: Baz and Simon's enemy status was imposed on them by a fucked up political system and abusive caretakers. Left to their own devices they'd probably never have been enemies. The reason for their animosity is not the core of who they are.

Friends with benefits: +2

Ehhh is it benefits to full on love? I don't really connect with allo perspectives on sexual relationships, like I get them intellectually but I don't jive with them on an emotional level, so there has to be that emotional draw for me, that underlying romance. I mean tho, @fatalfangirl stacy is writing an excellent fic on this premise right now that I absolutely love because there are clearly feelings involved. But it also might fall more into the realm of the next trope on this list ... which is ...

What Ashton said 😂 also props to fandom for teaching me that I am demisexual, and that this is not a default mode of existence.

Sex to feelings: [phone]

It's the fucking BEST. You get to read all the smut and then the climax ISN'T "and then we did it," it's "and then we were emotionally intimate." You get to be horny and a sap.

I also think this trope inherently pushes writers' creativity because the relationship's progression can't follow standard mainstream romance beats. And the sex scenes usually have narrative significance by showing how the relationship is changing, which produces great writing.

Fake dating/relationship: +5

Yes, especially if there's lots of pining along the way! @captain-aralias's Unintended is a great example.

Friends to lovers: +3

I wouldn't say I seek this out specifically but there are so many great fics with this tag. Here are a few (but not all) of my favorites: I'd Gladly Eat You for Breakfast by @whogaveyoupermission What Remains After the Storm by @hushed-chorus Sixty Seconds by @artsyunderstudy Petrichor by @martsonmars And again Unintended by @captain-aralias

Found Family: +1

It's fine? I love moving proofs of love and affection outside of romance, but whether it's in something that fits the label "found family" or not is important to me.

Hurt/Comfort: +10

PUT IT DIRECTLY. INTO MY MOUTH. I am a fucking sap for hurt/comfort. It gives me the swoops. There is fucking nothing I like better than lovers (or almost lovers) comforting each other and taking care of each other, emotionally, physically, spiritually, whatever. It's sexy to me. It affects me deeply.

#WhatAshtonSaid. I literally have a WIP going where someone says "who did this to you??" just because I love it so much. I'm pretty sure Nightmares and Excuses was the first fic that made me cry. (It's not hard to do.)

Love Triangle: -8

Not my thing if there's genuine heartbreak / unrequited love floating around. That just bums me out. I get a kick out of the Agatha-Simon-Baz's confusion in CO, but only Penny thinks that's actually a love triangle. I think the only book I've ever loved with a "real" love triangle is Emma and even [SPOILER FOR 208-YEAR-OLD-BOOK] Harriet's not actually in love with Mr. Knightley, she just thinks she is.

Poly, open relationships: -4

Only if it's porn without plot and even then it's pretty rare that I'm into it. I'm not usually interested in sex scenes without a romantic/love element (even if that element is deeply repressed) and am personally very monogamous and have a hard time connecting with poly relationship themes. Which obviously does not mean that poly =/= emotional or romantic connection, not at all, it's just a tough one to wrap my head around.

@skee3000 nailed this for me in Minos, by having Simon and Baz connect with each other even as they have three-way with Mr. Minos, but now I'm conflating a threesome with poly/open relationships. Go read it anyway.

Mistaken/hidden identity: +2

Not sure I can think of a Snowbaz fic that focuses on this, although I'm sure there are some. I do like it when characters meet for the first time and are drawn to each other, only to learn that each other's larger identities make that complicated. And the trust issues that brings up. There are a couple of KJ Charles novels that deal with this really beautifully.

Monsterfucking: +5

I really love when monsterfucking is used as a way to celebrate difference and work through a character's feelings about their own body or its changes. This fandom does a great job with that. Otherwise I'm not drawn to any particular monsters for their monstery sake (but see: Minos's horns).

Pregnancy: -2

+8 for mpreg, -10 for other pregnancy.

I stalled out for two weeks on this post, wondering how to explain this without getting darker and more personal than I'd like. And then realized I don't have to explain 😃.

Second Chance: +7

Love it! I don't always have the heart to read the actual breakup, or falling out, or lost opportunity etc., but I love fics where that has already happened and we're seeing them put themselves back together. Some examples, that may or may not have this tag but definitely have this theme:

What's Left by @cutestkilla This Will All Go Down in Flames by @facewithoutheart There's Be Peace When You Are Done by somekindofpath Once More, with Feeling by fox_pitch

And probably countless others I'm forgetting.

Slowburn: +10

Yeah! I know I said I love sex before feelings but I love this too. (And I think they can be successfully combined into slow-feelings-burn.) There's nothing like a satisfying, well-earned payoff. I also admire well-executed slowburns because whenever I write a get-together fic I have to actively resist mashing their faces together in the first 100 words.

Soulmates: -1

In theory I don't love these. The red string, etc. It can just feel played out, and also the emotional logic of it is kind of alienating. I have a hard time putting my head into a world where people have these predestined connections and are trying to find each other because it's just so not how I see relationships. BUT when an author critically and playfully messes with the trope, it can be lots of fun. All This Soulmate Shit by half_witch mashes up a dozen different soulmate tropes to make something that's brilliant, funny, sexy, and feels like they are actively choosing each other rather than obeying destiny. I also adore Bound and Determined by @fatalfangirl for how it plays with the idea of free will and consent, which feel like soulmate-related theme. But it's probably not a coincidence that this fic doesn't have the "soulmates" tag.

That's a lot of me me me and what I think. What do YOU think, friends?

#tag game #trope grading game #navel gazing #simon snow fandom meta-talk