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babacontainsmultitudes · 7 months

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Let's Talk About Lincoln And His Dads, Okay?

I think people claiming that Lincoln and Grant "aren't so different after all" because, like everyone else in the show, they both have blood on their hands, have mostly missed the mark on where the core of Lincoln's issues with his dad(s) lie in the first place.

Moreover, I'm tired of people insinuating that Lincoln's troubles pale in comparison to Normal's or Scary's or Hermie's, and I'm tired of people saying that Lincoln is overreacting, or that Lincoln is a hypocrite for calling out his dad's behavior, or that he is in the wrong for setting boundaries, or that he's ungrateful, or that he's responsible for ensuring his dad's emotional wellbeing and not the other way around!

*breathes* So let's. Let's finally talk about Lincoln and Grant (and Marco also him).

[WOAH THERE! Hey you, yeah you, this is a long-ass post, mhm, it's one of those, so please keep that in mind before venturing below the cut. Maybe grab yourself a drink or a bite to eat first, yeah? Additionally, sorry the transcript stuff is a bit messy in this one, tumblr has a 30 image limit and well, I had to find workarounds. Also, I haven't yet added alt text for the transcript screenshots- I plan to when I have a bit more energy for it, but I apologize for any inconvenience this may cause in the meantime!]

Part 1/4: "Honesty is hardly ever heard, and mostly what I need from you"

Lincoln is certainly a pacifist at heart (in more recent times important examples of this include Lincoln's refusal to harm Scary in the Swallows household, as well as Lincoln being the only one of the teens to successfully avoid using violence in front of d00d during their most recent standoff with Willy), and in good paladin fashion functions as the group's moral compass the majority of the time.

Despite this, Lincoln's morals are not so simplistic and idealistic as to not differentiate between different motives for violence, nor does he view acts of violence in and of themselves as signs that a person is "evil" or "irredeemable". He can for example, see the difference between the acts of Willy and those of the kiddads, as he tries to explain when confronted by the other teens on the matter:

In fact, even after Grant tells Linc all of this during the incursion:

Lincoln's primary goal is still to save his dad first and foremost, then offer him the room to explain himself, without immediately chalking him up as a bad person because of what he has done.

Lincoln certainly doesn't approve of Grant and his violence, though he can understand that things are seldom black and white. But the killing is far from the only issue here. In fact, it's not even the main issue.

Grant creates a foundation based on trust and accountability whose importance in the Li-Wilson household is hammered in from the very first episode.

And we see throughout the early episodes of the season just how strongly Lincoln believes that Grant would never lie to him.

Then of course the incursion point encounter happens. There are several elements of this encounter that we will gloss over for now and go back to later, but of immediate importance is the fact that this interaction serves as direct confirmation for Lincoln that his dad has in fact been lying to him his entire life.

Additionally, he learns that Grant possesses a deep hatred of himself, wants to die, perceives himself as "broken beyond repair", and fears that Lincoln will somehow wind up just like him. That's a lot for one kid to have dropped on them, let alone all at once and without warning!

So- Lincoln wants to confront his dad after this both because he wants his dad to explain himself and take accountability for his dishonesty and for his actions more generally, and because he is concerned for his dad's wellbeing.

Now let's look at how Grant has, over the course of the season, responded to Lincoln's attempts to get him to take responsibility for his actions, and talk about his mental health:

The first thing Grant does is pull a classic Wilson "we'll talk about it later". Then the very next thing he does is lie to Lincoln again, now pretending that his plan is to fix things with Erin by offering her a gift (when of course he's actually set out to steal the sun)

Then as a deflection when Lincoln further tries to confront him about the lying, he indirectly equates everything he has kept secret from Lincoln (see the incursion point stuff) to "little white lies" and, contrary to the philosophy he so heavily instilled in Lincoln, argues that sometimes lying can protect the people one cares about:

Which as a point of interest I would like to compare and contrast to something Lincoln says in an earlier episode:

"lies can protect" vs "protecting is also trusting"- anyways moving on,

From there Grant's plan to steal the sun eventually comes to light (heh) and gets foiled, forcing the teens to be the mature ones in the situation and try to negotiate something with Erin. While he is certainly disappointed by everything going on, however, Lincoln's priorities vis-à-vis Grant are still, first and foremost, to ensure that he is safe, and when time allows for it get an apology from him and get him to talk openly about everything he has withheld. At this point in time Lincoln, while obviously angry at his dad, still very clearly cares about his dad and just wants to be able to talk with him without all the lies or deflection or excuses.

Then the teens are backed into a corner when their attempts at negotiation go sour, and ultimately wind up helping Grant steal the sun. Once that is over, Lincoln tries to confront his dad again, now with regards to some of the things he said about himself:

(Do note that last bit especially as it will be of relevance in the next section)

Then after Grant ignores the other teens when they try to talk to him, Lincoln calls him out and once again asks him to apologize, in part for having told Lincoln previously that they were dangerous and that he was not to hang out with them:

(as you might have guessed, Grant does not apologize).

Then it is established that the "zone of truth" in the Li-Wilson household isn't actually a spell but an agreed upon promise between Marco, Grant, and Lincoln to tell only the truth when someone calls upon the zone of truth, further cementing the degree to which honesty is an important Li-Wilson family value. Whilst in the zone of truth, however, Grant beats around the bush with regards to his intentions, and the teens ultimately decide that they do not want him to come along with them to the church of the doodler, as he is untrustworthy, in addition to Lincoln saying that he needs some space for his own sake. Grant then pretends to respect this decision, though he is in fact once again lying through his teeth, and sneaks back on later.

Before exiting the bus for the first time, however, Lincoln tries to get his dad to open up a bit about his feelings. Grant's response?

Time after time after time, Grant refuses to confront himself and address anything from what occurred at the incursion, and in fact adds on to everything with a whole new slew of lies, and with each failed attempt at connection the rift between Lincoln and Grant increases. And Lincoln, true to his values and how he was raised, is not a hypocrite in wanting openness and accountability from his dad. Lincoln is not and has never acted like he is perfect and beyond making mistakes, but Lincoln takes responsibility for his actions, even when the degree to which he is actually complicit in the crime at hand is questionable. He writes a letter to the families of the firemen because he feels responsible for their deaths. He apologizes to Taylor for lying to him about the bracelets and helps not only Taylor but also Nicky escape the clutches of the FBI, even though the consequence of doing so could easily have been his own death. When he thinks he may have inadvertently lead Hero on, his immediate decision is to take accountability for it and clear things up. All of this in addition to consistently apologizing to his friends when he thinks he may have hurt them for one reason or another.

This is also an important thing to consider when we talk about the place of violence in the show. Yes all the characters, including Lincoln himself, have had to kill at some point or another for the sake of survival and protecting the ones they love. But Lincoln does not use the blood on his hands to justify violence in future decisions. Despite the fact that he has had to kill before, Lincoln, as mentioned in the beginning of this essay, continues to try incredibly hard to act as pacifist whenever he can, choosing to protect those around him with as little collateral damage as possible. Does he have a perfect track record? No! Does he still try his damned hardest to choose kindness and mercy? Absolutely! And this is an important distinction especially between Lincoln and Grant.

And then Grant kills Terry. Now Lincoln must shift his priorities towards protecting his friends from his dad, but in running after Scary still finds himself forced to confront him. So what does Grant have to say regarding his actions?

Both Lincoln and Scary are right to be furious with this response, Terry Jr. is dead and all Grant can offer in response is what is essentially another excuse. Grant's mental state does not absolve him of responsibility or accountability for his actions, which as Lincoln points out (and repeats later) consist not only of the singular choice of shooting Terry, but of every choice he has made before and after that. "I'm sorry your dad is broken" obviously doesn't bring Terry Jr. back, but perhaps more importantly demonstrates that Grant is still not willing to reflect on his actions any further than that and work on himself moving forward.

So Lincoln does what is perhaps the most difficult thing he has done in his life, and disowns his father. This is not a rash, impulsive decision. As established, Lincoln has given Grant many chances throughout the season to address his behavior and at least fucking *talk* with Lincoln about his mental state, but he refused. He refused, not because he means harm, but because Grant truly believes himself to be fundamentally broken and irreparable, and doesn’t see the effect that his own suffering is having on his son. This, in addition to continuously failing to take Lincoln seriously and treat him as more than a little kid, both in failing to listen to Lincoln's voices of concern as well as in disregarding any of his proposals to go about things differently (whether that means avoiding violence, trusting rather than lying, or both).

So when Lincoln says:

"It's not about what you just did now, Dad. It's all your choices. You chose me. There wasn't some passion, or, or just a kid. You chose me as your kid, knowing you were broken. You can't take that back. And… I love you, and I hate that you made me love you, when… you are who you are and you knew it."

This isn't Lincoln saying that Grant should not have had a kid because he is mentally unwell or has trauma, it is Lincoln saying that Grant continues to make choices without acknowledging his agency in those choices and the effect they have on those around him, instead choosing to pin his mistakes on his perceived brokenness without any resolution to do something about that.

And before you say, "but Grant didn't have a choice in becoming Lincoln's parent since he saved him from the Titanic":

This simply isn't true, as strictly speaking there was nothing stopping Grant and Marco from putting Lincoln up for adoption if one or both of them did not feel themselves to be ready or capable of taking care of a child and

Ignoring Lincoln's exact phrasing, "choosing to be a parent" is not just about the literal choice to have a child, it's about every choice you make before and after that. It's choosing not to express your concerns over parenthood with your spouse, which based on Grant's track record:

-Is definitely in-character for him. Conversely, in Marco's case, it may be choosing not to ask your partner about their feelings on the matter (because, really, asking Grant on the spot while literally on a sinking ship if he's okay with adopting the baby they just found is kinda rough). It's choosing not to go to therapy (not that we know whether Grant specifically did/does or not but all the same). It's choosing not to apologize when your child is upset with you because of something you did. It's choosing not to take them or their friends seriously. It's choosing to lie instead of trust. It's an endless amount of choices that Grant (and Marco) made every step of the way!

As a final note for this section, what's particularly unfortunate is that even with Lincoln's disownment, Grant still has failed to show any major signs of change. Note this telling exchange (from episode 40):

Grant: I-I understand that. I just thought. Just something that just occurred to me. Hey Dood.

Dood: Yeah?

Grant: Why did you kill those two guys?

Dood: Because I love you so much and I wanted to protect you.

Grant: Okay. That's all I wanted to know.

In which Grant is still making excuses rather than owning up to or apologizing for anything or striving to change his behavior in the future. What's great about Grant's "point" here too is that the two guards that d00d killed were absolutely unnecessary deaths, so this example does anything but work in Grant's favor.

Part 2/4: "My mother hates her body, we share the same outline"

But this is only part of the problem. As aforementioned, we learn early on and see repeated on multiple occasions that Grant thinks ill of himself to the point of believing that he deserves death, and does not want Lincoln to be anything like him.

This affects Lincoln in two major ways. Perhaps most obviously, it leaves Lincoln greatly concerned for his dad's wellbeing, which in turn acts as his main motivation for trying (and failing) to get Grant to explore and explain those feelings. Additionally, however, Grant's self-loathing also has a passive but deeply damaging effect on Lincoln's self-worth. The most important indication of this is when Lincoln says:

"Okay. Look, Scary, I just... You know what? I don't even care. I just needed a friend and I don't know… I don’t know what you're going through, but… no, my dad always said you can't love somebody unless you love yourself, right? Well, last time I asked him if he loved himself, he… He doesn't. So… I don't know, so maybe he doesn't love me either. And you seem to know what that's like, and, you're my friend! You're dealing with these things and I'm just here. I just, I don't know! I don't love myself either! I don't know! But I know that more people will die if we can't do this together, and you're the only person, like, in this group— I mean you guys are, I mean— [sighs] Look, you can go. I'm not going to stop you. You go if you want to go. I'm done."

Also classic Lincoln move to say he doesn't care then proceed to hug Scary through an Eldritch Blast. In this essay, on why people misuse the word "apathy" in applying it to Lincoln,

Though the issue comes up again in a less obvious but very interesting way when Lincoln says that:

Which I assume probably seems pretty out of left field. To explain a bit what I'm trying to get at here, consider the following scenario:

Your parent, who you care about immensely, possesses certain qualities (say, idk, intrusive thoughts or mood swings or delusional thoughts or *something*) that they possess great shame over, and truly, wholeheartedly believe makes them "evil" or unlovable or even outright deserving of death. Of course, you do not believe that your parent is any of these things, it hurts to see that they feel this way about them-self, so you try your best to support them, even if you know deep down that you are their child and this should not be your responsibility. Your parent does not see the effect that their mental state is having on yours, does not take your voices of concern seriously, and mostly leaves you feeling like you are talking to a wall.

This hurts already, but it gets worse. You are your parent's child, and you are human, and so you inevitably find yourself with some of the characteristics that your parent loathes so much in them-self. Maybe you have similar thought patterns. Maybe you've made similar mistakes. Your parent doesn't love them-self because of these qualities that you now see in yourself, so how can you be sure that they do not hate you for them too? Do they believe that you deserve to die for these things as well? Your parent obviously assures you to the contrary, after all, they love you more than anything. But your parent fails to offer any meaningful line of distinction between their flaws and yours (after all, there isn't one, not really), and continues to assert that, unlike you, they really do deserve to die. Your parent is a hypocrite, and their reassurance does little to convince you.

Hopefully that makes some sense. With regards to the "dreams about killing my dads" part, mostly what I'm trying to say is that these dreams, while certainly very different from Grant's conscious thoughts about violence, still tread the line of mimicking them to some degree, and Grant's "I deserve to die because of how my brain works, don't be anything like me because that's bad!" really doesn't leave Lincoln with a healthy way to process and interpret this fact about himself, even if these dreams don't actually say anything about who he is as a person.

Anyways all that to say, on multiple levels Grant's unwillingness to even try to love himself and treat himself better has been having effects on his son that he can't even begin to realize, in addition to everything discussed in the first bit.

"But baba," I hear you say, "what about Marco? Why has Lincoln seemingly disowned both of his dads?"

Part 3/4: Three is the loneliest number

Well, I think there's a couple things going on here. For one thing, I think in a sense Lincoln sees his dads as kind of a "package deal", which is to say that from his pov disowning Grant means Marco would have to pick a side, and though it pains him immensely (as we see evidence of on several occasions), Lincoln would ultimately rather give up Marco than have Grant be left alone without either of them, because he will always love and care about Grant, and because he's selfless that way.

Additionally, for a good long while, Lincoln doesn't actually appear to harbor any resentment towards Marco:

However, this later part of the season has brought with it a new wave of disillusionment, and in its wake Lincoln has finally come to question the last major issue characterizing his relationship with his parents: social isolation.

We have known from basically the first episode of the season that Lincoln has lived a very isolated, lonely life, and that the only reason he's even going to public high school now is because he finally convinced Grant to let him:

As a side note, I have seen discussion of the fact that since Lincoln was rescued from the Titanic, it's possible that he was homeschooled solely because he did not legally exist. The above statement from Matt seems to work against this theory, in addition to the fact that if Lincoln was missing legal papers to get into elementary school... That would also prevent him from going to high school. Also, I mean. If you actually were to find an abandoned baby there's a whole legal process you're supposed to go through, and since Lincoln surely wouldn't have any close blood relatives around, that would still leave the possibility for Grant and Marco to adopt him legally if they wanted to (and if they chose not to go through said process, that's kind of on them?). Which isn't to say that this theory is out of the question, but in any case being homeschooled is one thing, whereas the actual degree of social isolation Lincoln goes through growing up is way more than just that, as we will delve into.

Now, we know that Grant eventually puts an end to Lincoln and Normal seeing each other on the basis that Lark and Sparrow are dangerous, which... Itself is actually fair tbh, in particular given what we now know about Hero. Not fair to Lincoln or Normal, obviously, but understandable. Much less acceptable, is the fact that Lincoln actually grows up without any friends his age whatsoever:

We understand of course that the motives behind this extreme social isolation are not malicious or otherwise done with ill-intent, but that doesn't make this even remotely okay! Of course then Lincoln is very clingy and perhaps even territorial over his dads, to the point where one of his biggest fears is his parents having another child who would take some of their attention away from him- they've created an environment in which they are basically all he has!

As a direct result of this, Lincoln gets lonely very easily, and when he finally does make some friends of his own, he will do anything and everything for them, even if it means risking his own life (at least then he isn't alive and lonely!)

This is also why Lincoln is so especially distraught after the loss of Mr. Kicks, a digital avatar whom he considered his best (and only) friend.

Additionally, Lincoln's fear of returning to his lonesome childhood creates an unfortunate scenario in which he cannot be honest with his dads about the fact that he is being bullied at school

Even though that is definitely the case (and in fact we see it first-hand on many occasions), because to do so would run the risk of his dads taking him out of public school, and that, to him, is worse.

Lincoln beginning to view this aspect of his childhood (the isolation but also the over-protectiveness and overbearing attitude more generally) for what it is is why Matt's intros have recently shifted from "schooled at home" to "schooled in prison", in addition to pretty directly saying that high school was like heaven compared to his home life (in episode 40), and I don't think Lincoln is even remotely in the wrong for looking back at his isolation and thinking "hey, even if you had good intentions, that was kind of fucked up actually, and I need to distance myself from you for my own sake."

Not that Lincoln wanting freedom from his overbearing dads is a new thing! I mean apart from what one can logically infer from Lincoln convincing Grant to let him go to public school, Matt does drop a bunch of telling details here and there such as Lincoln's favorite sound being "the silence of being home alone and free". It's just that now is when these feelings are finally starting to come to the surface.

It is also something that Lincoln naturally would hold against both Grant and Marco, because they are both aware of and responsible for this aspect of his upbringing (whether Marco acted actively or as an enabler in the matter notwithstanding- though I would look no further than both Grant and Marco getting red cards the one time they tried letting Lincoln play soccer with other kids to observe how that family dynamic plays out), hence feeling the need to cut himself off from the both of them in order to set a long-overdue boundary. That said, to be honest with you, I really don't think he's actually all that upset with Marco, and would mostly just like to see him again.

If the events of the Titanic help to ease any aspect of Lincoln's frustration, it would be this one. Not in the sense that it magically makes what Lincoln went through growing up okay, but it does still recontextualize Grant and Marco's degree of overbearingness and (part of) why they are how they are, and I absolutely think that Lincoln would have sympathy for that.

So, where does that leave us?

Part 4/4: What remains (+ the case study of Scary)

"But baba," you say, "Grant and Marco are not just their mistakes! They've both done so many things right as parents, and they love Lincoln more than anything!"

I turn to you, tears in my eyes. "I know," I say, "I know, but that does not contradict or erase the fact that they have inadvertently hurt Lincoln in many, many ways, and he has a right to be upset with them, and express that, and set boundaries if he feels the need to."

You sigh. "So do you think Grant is a good dad or a bad one?" you ask.

I shake my head. "He's just... He's just a dad. A dad who's had a rough swing of things from the beginning. He never meant to hurt Lincoln, and I truly believe he's got a good heart, but I want to see him try harder. I need to see him try harder than he currently is to better himself, for Lincoln's sake as much as his own."

Is... More or less how I feel. I absolutely agree that as a parent Grant obviously gives a shit, and my intention here is absolutely not to say "hey actually, Grant is awful!"

As I mentioned at the very beginning of this essay, however, collectively I have found over the course of the season that Lincoln's trauma and struggles have gone severely understated and undermined, sometimes to the point of even turning him into the bad guy or depicting him as acting dramatic for a decision that I think was very brave of him, actually. So... It does feel necessary to me to point out that, as much as I care about Grant and recognize that he's suffered immensely too, he's still made a lot of mistakes over the course of the season, and still has a lot of room to grow as a person.

As things currently are, I would not blame Lincoln if he did not forgive Grant by the end of the season. Do I think that's what's gonna happen? No lol.

If you'll excuse a mini side-tangent, because for now I don't really want to make this a separate post, the mid-season evolution of Lincoln and Scary's relationship is actually a great case study for Lincoln's capacity for forgiveness, in addition to his inability to give up on people:

Tony Pepperoni's murder is, I would argue, an attack against Lincoln most personally (relative to the other teens). Aside from Lincoln having the strongest pacifistic tendencies of the group, it's in his home, it's in front of Marco, as established in the 3rd section Tony Pepperoni, by virtue of having been over for dinners at the Li-Wilson household before, is someone Lincoln knows more personally than the other teens and one of the only people in his life he could have possibly approximated to a friend. Most importantly though, Scary goes behind Lincoln's back in letting Willy out and disclosing the location of the party, and that is a significant breach of trust.

So Lincoln kicks Scary out of the house (and more or less out of the group by extension) because protecting the others from her is the most important thing at that point in time (sound familiar?). For the next bit, Lincoln's behavior towards Scary becomes a juggling act of keeping a close eye on her to make sure she doesn't cause more harm (and yes, it's also when they are meanest with each other), but also keeping a close eye on her to look after her (a notable example of this being that he doesn't leave her behind in the hall of mirrors, even when it would have been easier and perhaps even "beneficial" to do so in the context of the anchor quest).

And yet despite all the mutual hostility, Lincoln without question also fights the hardest to get Scary back. He breaks the pick as a sign of trust (and as Freddie put it: "that's love babeeey") and to show her she's welcome back in the group, follows through on this decision despite the fact that it creates a temporary rift between him and the others (Normal and Taylor) who oppose her return (perhaps a good time to also say as a reminder that Lincoln was the most against letting Willy out in the first place), breaks a door down to protect her from Willy even when everyone else in the house treats him as crazy for doing so, refuses to fight Scary when she goes on the offense, and hugs her through a god damn eldritch blast because he can't let her leave and hurt more people but still cares about her to the point that he would literally choose to die before hurting her or giving up on fighting for her. Like, if that's not love and forgiveness, I don't fucking know what is. This in addition to him encouraging the others to go easy on her and otherwise looking out for her past that point.

So do I think Lincoln Li-Wilson has it in him to forgive Grant in spite of it all? That is a resounding yes from me. Will the events of the Titanic facilitate this if only by painting Grant's situation in a more sympathetic light and showcasing some of his virtues? Totally, I mean, there's a reason Anthony decided to make the arc go this way. But will I be a bit disappointed if this forgiveness comes without any major growth on Grant's part? Also. Also yes yeah.

MM. I DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO END THIS ONE TBH. Heh. Well, thank you for one thing, for taking the time to read a post this long. If you're reading this not too long after I posted it I am most definitely pacing around rn going "oh god they hate it!" but uh. Well that's a me problem lol. Anyways, I hope this proves to be at least somewhat insightful? ...Yeah no apart from that I really am struggling to end this properly and honestly I'm real sleepy lol so I'll just say again (whether you agree with the points listed here or not) THANKS FOR HEARING ME OUT Y'ALL AND TAKE CARE.

#dndads #lincoln li wilson #grant wilson #Nervous about this one! Well I always am with these but people can be a bit touchy when it comes to Grant especially so there's that.#dungeons and daddies #but what can you do ig!#marco li #long post #baba babbles #<- tag I still don't use usually smh #second section especially I think is where I'm really like- man I *hope* I'm expressing myself alright and people get what I'm laying down #scary marlowe #suuuuure yeah enough Scary here that I can tag her in I think

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avaelangel · 4 months

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Parents weekend.

LiMoreau blurb. Really, really want Marie to meet Jordan's parents, but I do think we won't get that in the show.

Warnings: None? I don't think I went angsty enough, but I hope it's still enjoyable. Probably not proofread enough. Might fuck around and write more.

~3093 words.

''What the fuck?''

The light went out half-way to Jordan's room and Marie heard them curse from the end of the hall. She kept going, trying not to crush into anyone beside her now boyfriend, assuming by the voice she heard. Feeling for their slightly increased heartbeat, she reached out a hand to touch theirs.

''It's me,'' she heard a sigh and hands wrapped around her, ''What happened?''

''I'll find that electricity-wileding son of a bitch and kill him,'' the moment Jordan said that, light came back.

The looked at each other for a moment. Marie with casual, but growing tenderness, Jordan with worry that seemed to be easying up. They saw Marie blink out of something. She still was tracking their heartbeat, but also, thought like she stared too much.

''What's wrong?''

''What's up?''

They both huffed in annoyance, then laughed.

''I asked first,'' Marie smiled, her hands tightened around Jordan.

''Fuck,'' Jordan tugged her into their room, letting the door close with a bang. A hug became a bit broken, but Jordan still wanted to save it wrapping their arm around Marie's waist.

''The next weekend is the parents weekend,''

''Oh,'' Marie sort of glitched on that. She was lying to people about her parents, who obviosly would be ''too busy'' to visit. Guardian shit died down, so nobody would think to like...hire actors, right? But she said the other thing.

''Already?'' She pulled away to look at Jordan better, ''We should get you and Emma out of school,'' the conviction in her voice made Jordan smile.

''I have to talk to them, probably,'' Jordan sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. They started tapping their leg on the floor and switched, ''I haven't spoken to my dad since the gala,''

Marie's expertise on parent-child relationship started with what little memories she had of hers and promising to beat up Emma's mom. She didn't really know what to say, so she sat next to Jordan, offering them her hand to take.

''I can be there, if you want,'' Jordan took her hand, intertwining the fingers, ''I can beat you dad, if you want me to,'' Marie leaned in closer, whispering. Jordan snorted with laighter.

''As much as I would want you to try that, no. Not this time. Do you really want to meet them, though? Be a distraction, basically. From the fact that my dad would rather choke then call me at least his child, let alone his daughter,'' Jordan's jaw clenched. They looked at their tapping leg and forcibly stopped it.

''I don't mind being a distraction. I'll even fuck around and agree that we are getting married after graduation,'' Marie smiled at horror in Jordan's eyes, ''In like Norway,'' she shrugged with most grace she could master.

''You really expect me to freeze my ass off for you?'' Jordan's default settings popped back in, but they still laughed, ''I hope it won't get that bad,'' they glanced at Marie, ''I mean, with my parents.''

''It doesn't have to be bad,'' Marie squeezed their hand, ''We'll do what we supposed to do, charm them out prying in your life. Or we can pretend that you are dating Emma and make them talk to her when she's a size of a glass of water.''

''I am the only one who's going to be puking when my parents come,'' Jordan fell back on the bed, but did chuckle.

''I'll hold your hair then,'' she settled in next to them on her side, ''Even if metaphorically, I think both of your haircuts are pretty comfortable for puking,'' she enjoyed Jordan's silent fight against laughter.

''I haven't puked since my graduation, I think,'' Jordan softly knocked on Marie's shoulder with their forehead and let out a heavy sigh.

''How much do you have to drink to puke?'' Marie mused, while Jordan untangled their fingers from hers and pushed for her to end up on her back, almost kicking their girlfriend out of the bed. They quickly pulled her back, putting their head on Marie's shoulder. Jordan chose to ignore her giggles.

''You really don't want to be a witness to that,'' they murmured, clearly trying to hug their worries away, ''And don't ask Andre about things like that,'' Jordan's grasp on Marie's waist became stronger.

''Watch me,'' Marie wasn't going to ask Andre , not really, ''It's going to be okay. Hopefully, we won't have to drink ourselves stupid,'' she brushed Jordan's hair away from their eyes.

''It might be, but don't get your hopes up,'' Jordan huffed, closing their eyes, ''Thank you,'' they said with a sigh.

''Too early to thank me,'' Marie decided to drop the topic for now. There is still a week to prepare.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ***

The week passed rather quickly. On Tuesday Jordan's mom texted, saying that they do plan on visiting, but probably for one evening because of work. Some kind of errands to run in town. Texting with Marie at the same time, Jordan told their parents about having a ''special someone'' and allowed their mother to sugesst meeting that someone herself.

By Thursday a reservation for four was made in a very bougie restaurant. Marie became wary of it and doubted her choice of dress. Jordan assured her that there is no constriction. No need to be bougie back, just as normal as possible. It was getting windier outside.

Friday came. Marie knocked on Jordan's door an hour before they agreed to meet. When they opened the door, Marie made a pose, to show off her black turtleneck dress and a nice bag, courtesy of Emma. Black shiny boots boots with a safe heel were bought with her help too.

''Do I need a jacket?'' When Jordan kept staring, Marie felt the need to break the silence.

''No, we are taking my car,'' they sounded irritated, coming back to the desk with accessories spread out. Closing the door behind her, Marie looked over Jordan's shoulder curiosly.

''It's fucking stupid,'' Jordan mutters, picking a gold and black ring. Their burgundy shirt has a couple of buttons undone, favorite chain missing, ''I'm still trying to impress them,'' they stilled when Marie's hand wrapped around their arm.

''I should be the one to impress them, right?'' She asked in a soft voice, trying to make Jordan look at her. They let out a heavy sigh.

''You shouldn't be doing anything,'' Jordan glances at Marie and back at the desk, their fingers toyed with a two different couples of cufflinks.

''I'm already here and I'm not leaving you to explain to your parents that you for sure did not imagine having a girlfriend,'' Marie didn't see Jordan's soft smile when she picked up both kinds of cufflinks, making them choose between a silver circle with black centre and a small red-ish triangle surrounded by gold. Without words, Jordan chose the latter.

They watched Marie intently. Someone who didn't know them both, might have thought that it was a gaze of a hawk. But Jordan was trying to bottle up the moment in which Marie stepped ready to support them regardless. And how she confidently fumbled with the cufflinks, but still managed to get it right in seconds.

''Do you think I'm ungrateful?'' Jordan asked. After the gala, in the dark of their room and their thoughts, Jordan tried to understand what it was like for Marie before she got here. And how their bitching and moaning about parents being mean might sound to her.

''No!'' Marie, when she finally got it, exclaimed, ''No, don't even think about it like that,'' she held their arms at the elbow for some reason, ''After what you told me, what I've heard from Emma and Cate, I can say that bad parents can eat a bag of dicks,'' she raised her eyebrows in mock-annoyance, like she said the most obvious thing.

''But I won't say any of this tonight,'' Marie's fury calmed down and she let go of Jordan, who was trying not to smile too much.

''At least tell them your name first,'' they chuckled. A loose curl fell to their face and Marie brushed it back. She debated commenting on how romantic this hair style looked.

''Anything else I shouldn't tell them?'' Marie asked with some doubt.

''If you call me your 'partner', my dad might joke about us role-playing as cowboys,'' those words slipped with such ease, even Jordan's smirk didn't tell Marie anything about how true this statement was.

''What that phrase was? Save a horse, ride a cowboy?''Marie said it with as much feighed innocence as she could muster. Jordan, browsing their accessory spread, stifled a laugh, pursing their lips together.

''I have a cowboy hat,'' they had to take a breath. They chose a golden ring connected with a delecate chain bracelet with another chain. Marie didn't understand at first that Jordan was offering it to her. So she gave them her hand.

In thickened silence, Jordan slowly slid cool metal onto Marie's palm, the ring fitting her perfectly. They wouldn't accept it back later.

''Never took you as a gold person,'' she murmured, glancing down at the desk.

''Oh, right,'' Jordan held her hand, bracelet already on, ''When I met Luke, he got his first brand deal with some mildly luxury jewelry brand. Took away as much as they let him. Gave it to all of us. Since then I've been giving gold a chance,'' their eyes met. Marie felt a sting of guilt, but also was happy to see them remember Luke fondly.

''Come,'' Jordan pulled her a bit so they both could fit in a mirror. Their squinted gaze examined both oufits. They even put their hands in pockets of their trousers. Then Jordan held one hand on Marie's waist and switched.

''We look good,'' Marie broke the silence, ''Very privileged,'' that did bring out a small chuckle out of Jordan. They made a mental note that Marie should never find out how easy it is for her to make them smile. Too much power.

''Yeah,'' now they had to look up a bit at her, ''Would you mind some redder lipstick?''

''I'm so smearing it all over you,'' Marie gave Jordan a chaste kiss and smiled. This is the best threat Jordan Li would ever face.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ***

When they pulled up to the restaurant, Marie got worried and glanced at Jordan, who was nervous the whole way here.

''Relax,'' Jordan sighed.

''You relax!'' Marie's defensiveness quickly faded and they both laughed.

Not a lot of things truly matter here, beside supporting Jordan and trying to have a nice evening. Marie already blended in once, she can to it again. And her and Jordan still can cling to each other, like they could not do yet back then.

Jordan's parents already waited in a far away booth. The restaurant itself was politely chattering. Every single person busy with their plate or partner at the table. Easy and calm. Marie squeezed Jordan's hand harder, mapping out options she could order here, eat and still hold up the conversation withour getting distracted.

The initial meeting went well. A burst of laughter and hands shaking, slightly awkward introducing each other another time. Everybody sat down and enjoyed a pause while the waiter was giving out the menus.

''So, Marie,'' Kayla started, looking at her child and their girlfriend over the menu, ''What was your first impression was of Jordan?''

''Did he try to kiss you too?'' Paul chimed in. It broke the softness of the first question.

''Well,'' Marie glanced at Jordan and smiled, watching them avert their eyes in embarassment, ''Jordan actually rejected me from a the course I wanted to do. And I was a fan,''

''Oh, that's a love story,'' Jordan's mom really seemed delighted by that, ''And let me guess, everything just fell into place?''

''Oh, yeah,'' Marie got a bit too excited for that answer, ''Jordan couldn't hate me for too long!''

''Even though it was very tempting,'' they remarked, allowing everybody at the table to see their smile.

''Did you hit him for that?'' Jordan's dad sounded a bit too giddy for this.

''No, I only hit people who make Jordan upset,'' Marie did her best to sound like she was joking. Her smile was polite despite Jordan trying stifle a laugh in the background.

The conversation moved towards the dishes and drinks. Some lies were spewed by Marie, like the one about drinking. She had enough beers already amongst friends and, apparently, drunk her head off at a party. She also lied about not having allergies, because frankly, she didn't know or remember. So she ordered a seafood pasta and supressed an urge to whisper to Jordan something along the lines of ''If I die, I'm sorry,''.

''We can switch,'' As if they read her mind, Jordan winked at Marie.

''I can certainly see what Jordan likes in you, Marie,'' Kayla said, taking the kids out of intimate haze.

''Yes, your actions speak for themselves,'' it sounded more wrong that it actually was, coming from Paul's mouth.

''There is a lot of us at God U. Next Guardian or Protector, whatever, is right around the corner. I just don't want anybody to get hurt,'' remembering the interview, Marie felt awful, gripping the side of her chair.

''I was fascinated by Marie's powers first, to be honest,'' Jordan straightened out, their fingers touched Marie's, ''Then, I had to come to an understanding that all of Marie is fascinating,'' they even sighed with dismay.

''To your absolute chagrin,'' Marie really hoped she used that random word she manage to remember right. She will get teased about it later.

''Just a little bit of chagrin,'' Jordan will never forget it.

''What do you like in Jordan?'' Paul asked. His and Jordan's whiskey glasses were identical.

''Oh, many things,'' Marie took a sip of her colorful icey-looking coctail. Nobody was sure it wasn't alcoholic, ''There isn't another Jordan, I think. No one can be that strong and resilient, but also loving and...,'' she had to take a breath, ''breathtaking, really. I like all of Jordan. Every single thing,''

There was silence. Kayla did bless Marie with an ''Aww'', but Jordan leaned in, kissing her cheek.

''You just HAD to outdo me on this,''

The food came and conversaiton flowed towards simpler things. Jordan did their best to stir it away from the topic of Marie's past. Marie, in turn, filled every opportunity for a story of Jordan's childhood to be repeated with her own anecdote about shenanigans at Godolkin. She even offered a memory with her sister, the one where her and Annabeth experimented with food as little kids, as a sacrifice to a nice evening. It kind of worked.

It was very hard to fight off offering of desert. Even with Marie's curiosity to try a fancy desert, between her pasta and Jordna's ravioli, they both were super stuffed. Kayla insisted on choosing something for them to take home, maybe eat in the morning and think of her and Paul. That struck a chord with Marie.

She tried to sort out her feelings during the evening. There was something stilted about the conversation, everybody hid some parts of them, but also really wanted to enjoy what they could show. The saddest part of it. Truth will come out behind closed doors, in half-lit rooms and with hushed voices.

''Thank you so much,'' Marie smiled and held Kayla's cold hands in hers, ''I would never thought to go here,'' she never would have known this place existed.

''Thank you, It was so great to meet you,'' The woman leaned in closer, ''I know I'm glad Jordan has someone to support him at God U,''

Marie nodded, still smiling. She glanced back at Jordan, who was talking about something with their dad. Everything seemed somewhat fine. Wishful thinking almost made Marie will Jordan to switch and for the dad to hug them in the form he's refusing to accept. But the boys shook hands and Jordan turned, noticing that Marie was looking.

''You are staring,'' they chuckled, swinging an arm around Marie's shoulders.

Paul's car got brought out first and after many almost hearfelt goodbyes, they left. Marie and Jordan stood in silence for a few minutes, huddling together for warmth.

''You mom has low blood pressure,''

''I'll let her know,''

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ***

The alarm clock showed 2:54 am. Only one lamp was lighting entirety of Jordan's room.

''That's it, I'm done,'' Marie abandonded the spoon next to the pistachio tiramisu and raised her hands. Giggling like a desert gremlin, Jordan took the rest of it for themselves.

''We probably should bring the macarons to Emma. And hide Emma,'' they remarked, taking another bite.

''Yeah. I should pay her at least in sweet stuff for her help. I still mostly use her make up,'' Marie nodded, glancing at the bag from the restaurant on the desk.

''You can use mine, you know,'' Jordan forgot about their tiramisu, the spoon softly touching their lips, ''Whatever suits you, I mean,''

''Let me guess,'' she moves closer and puts her head on their lap. After coming back, her and Jordan found their oldest and biggest hoodies to wear to bed, pants be gone, ''you have a really steady hand when it comes to stuff like eyeliner?''

''I have you know, I have a perfectly steady hand when it comes to everything,'' there wasn't another answer she could have expected from Jordan. They put their head on Marie's shoulder, their curls falling freely.

''Will you be able to sleep after this?'' Marie tapped the side of desert container.

''After knowing my parents are actually happy for me because of something beside of school? Barely,'' their hand found Marie's wrist.

''I meant the sugar and coffe,''

''Oh. there's barely any. I think,'' Jordan sat up straighter, looking at the container, as if it had the ingredient list, ''Lady fingers soaked in coffee, but cream is...''

''It's time to sleep, smartass,'' with a great effort, Marie dragged herself from the bed, took away the container, closed it and turned to Jordan, ready to bully them into cuddling.

But Jordan was already shuffling under the covers. Deciding not to say anything else, she turned off the lamp and climbed into the bed with them.

''I am smart and I do have a good ass,'' Jordan murmured, putting their head on Marie's shoulder. Her silent laugh made them smile too.

Sleep was sweet and sound untill Emma's distress signal came in few hours later.

#gen v #jordan li #marie moreau #limoreau #emma meyer #so i know it's long and i tried my best #let me know if i should elaborate on things like jordan sharing make up with marie or those two saving emma from her mom #it's a honking huge piece damn #fanfiction i guess #jordan x marie #big thanks to @limoreaulover for helping me remember what cufflinks are #i just hope it's alright #not a native english speaker by the way so sorry if something is horrible

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