#also DAMN it's time to add another three favorites of mine who would absolutely fucking garrote me from that rant
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I get that today isn’t the time to bitch about this, but I’m going to do it anyway.
You know, for a country that’s supposedly all about freedom, the US is a whiny, cowardly little BITCH about medicine. Can’t get the good hormones, can’t get the iris pigment removal, and at the same time corpos get a free pass to screw anyone who doesn’t have the money for a lawyer. So *I* can’t do what I want, when if affects ~nobody~, but someone else can just waltz in and ruin lives. Real committed to that ideal, I see.
Fuck the USA. I don’t even care about the stupid cyclical politics anymore, even though the next jackoff conservative we elect is going to undo anything good Biden does. I’m at the point of having an insurmountable philosophical conflict with the whole country and culture because it’s hypocritical, pro money, and anti-science. And the weather in all the states with decent politics fucking sucks. I just ~looooove~ having to choose between wearing decent fucking clothing that looks good on me and not dying of heat exhaustion.
I swear, I don’t even have suicidal ideation anymore but I’m still probably going to self-harm within the next 5-ish years because we don’t get the safer way of doing what I want.
#ignore morg#yes this is meant to be hurtful#so I'm GOING to complain until I feel better and go back to having no fucking personality#I'm starting to agree with fucking Moira O'Dorian from overwatch and that's objectively fucking scary#like I'm sorry I don't have the patience for maintenance and want a permanent solution but die mad about it#it's my body and my shitty genetics and if it isn't going to be flawlessly functional anyway it should at least look how I want#also DAMN it's time to add another three favorites of mine who would absolutely fucking garrote me from that rant#and yeah I'd deserve it but that doesn't mean I care and it doesn't mean I'll apologize because it's true#actually make that FIVE#hell I'd egg most of them on#there are probably things I've forgotten about and my guess is that list is in the high thirties by now#especially if I include ex-faves that I kind of hate now because someone whedoned all over everything#goddamn if ONE more person patronizes me about a feature I want gone or changed I will do something ill-advised#no. it doesn't change color. you're just boring.#no. muscle defects are not 'cute' and every reminder I get pushes me closer to having someone take a knife to my face#fuck just throw out the whole body someone with worse taste can have it and be happy#enjoy the FUCKING asthma
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You and Me...
Chapter 22
***SERIES WARNINGS**** Rape, non con, male!rape, injury, violence, discription of injury caused by rape, nightmares, self harm, panick attackes, implied female non con, language, ass hole Jensen, hurt!jensen, dark fic, smut. If there is anything else I will add it as I go.
***Chatper Warnings*** TRIGGER WARNING!!! VIVID DESCRIPTION OR NIGHTMARE, Rape, discritiption of the begginging of rape? I guess that would be a good way to say it. Unconsented touching, oral, and implied anal fingering, (again all dream induced, but may be triggering for some!) Description of being sick, (vomiting), language, angst, some fluff, I think that’s everything. I don’t want to give too much away!
Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader
Word Count: 1450
A/N: As always all mistakes are mine!, Please do not copy my work!! Feedback is gold! I hope you enjoy this one! (Nightmare is in bold print.)
Summery: It’s funny how one choice you made can change your whole life. One mistake can alter you course, and set you on a path that forever will haunt you. Two people find themselves getthing through one of the hardest trials of Jensen’s life, on just one small promise. You and Me. We’ll get through it together…
Want more? Check out my masterlist!!
***MASTERLIST***
***YOU AND ME MASTERLIST***
Jensen's POV:
"You sure are pretty." The slimmy voice graveled in Jensen's ear, making his skin crawl.
"We're going to have a lot of fun with you." He said, and three other voices chuckle around him.
Jensen tries to move his legs, and arms around him, but he couldn't. As his foggy vision cleared there were three things that came to the forefront of his focus.
His head was throbbing as if it had its own pulse.
He was chained to a bed again.
And he was completely naked.
He felt a rough calloused hand side up his inner thigh slowly as the large man circled the bed. Moving closer and closer to his manhood.
He started to scream as loud as he could, praying someone would hear him.
Thrashing his body as hard as he could against his restraints. Doing his best to close his legs as the man's hand moved closer and closer to its goal.
He gagged, and started to vomit as a warm mouth of another man came around his cock, and the man who had his hand on his thigh inserted two fingers harshly into his rectum.
Nausea is what pulled Jensen from the nightmare. In a way he was thankful, but in a way he wished his stomach would stop trying to expel everything that had touched it that day.
He sat up on the side of the quickly and quietly as he could as to not wake up y/n. Staggering towards the bathroom, and closing the door, barely making it to the toilet before he wasn't able to hold back any longer.
Hitting his knees on the cold tile floor. Violently sick.
He heaved against his stomach. Trying everything he knows to do to stop the violent attack on him caused by the dream. That's when he heard the door open behind him and felt y/n's hands on his back. Rubbing it soothingly. He leaned back carefully. Still not trusting his own stomach. Laying his head on your lap as you sit on the tub next to him.
"You okay there handsome?" You asked, reaching over in the small bathroom and grabbing a washcloth. Running it under some cold water, and rubbing it against his forehead and neck.
"Yeah, I'll live." He says, still shaking a little, and fighting against the memories that were just below the surface.
"Another nightmare?" You finally asked after he stopped shaking.
"Yeah." Was all Jensen could answer. His stomach was still rolling, and he didn’t trust himself to get up from the floor just yet.
"Wanna talk about it?" You ask, checking him over again.
"No, it's not worth talking about. I said, I wanted to get away from all that shit. I hadn't had a nightmare in days. Much less woke up sick like this in months. Why now? We were supposed to be having a good time." He said, standing slowly to his feet. Holding onto the wall for support as he made his way towards the bed again.
"Baby, you can't run from things like this, and we are having a good time.” You tell him wrapping your arms around him as you both settle down into the bed. His head on your shoulders os that you could card your fingers through his hair. Helping the tenseness of his shoulders to ebb away slowly.
“You're doing so good Jensen, you're so strong, you're doing better than any of us expect you to do, and one bad night is nothing to be ashamed of or upset about. Let’s get you back to sleep, and in the morning you will feel a lot better.”
Your POV:
The light shone brightly through the window the next morning. You sat up quickly, checking Jensen to make sure he was still sleeping peacefully, which he was.
He had scared you last night. He'd done good for days. That must have been a pretty vivid nightmare, he hadn't woken up sick like that in a long time.
The rest of the night seemed to go peacefully once you'd gotten him back to sleep, and you hoped that was the last of the nightmares on this trip for him. He was so upset about it, and you wanted him to enjoy himself, not worry about nightmares.
Today the two of you would make the next leg of your journey together.
Sliding out of the bed, you pack your things as much as possible, and as silently as possible in hopes of getting on the road quickly.
He had been doing so well. You didn’t want him to relapse because of the stress the return of Supernatural was causing him. You refused to lose your Jensen to memories of what those sick fucks had done to him, and you were determined to do whatever you could to help him get through this and get his life back on track.
Several hours later you were back on the road after Jensen had takens some pretty awesome looking pictures of some of the old famous ruins, and old western style scenery. He was in his seventh heaven. That smile that you loved so much back on his face as the road stretched out in front of the two of you.
Almost as if the nightmare last night hadn’t occurred, and that much you were thankful for, and were finally able to breathe a sigh of relief.
Just because he was acting better doesn’t mean that the problem has gone away, because you knew that it had not, but he couldn’t let it define him. That was what you were most concerned about. So far he seemed to be handling it all well, or at least better than he was.
Later that day another park lunch, and more getting to know each other. You loved to hear the stories about him and his siblings, his family. The things he liked, and was interested in. The things he dreamed about doing. He seemed just as interested in yours.
After about a 10 hour drive you two pulled up in Salt Lake City, Utah. Jensen had rented another bed and breakfast. This one was called the Inn On The Hill. An absolutely gorgeous, almost Victorian style bed and breakfast. Honestly one of your favorite errors that you'd written and read more than one book about.
After getting settled into the room for the night Jensen came bouncing back into the room.
"Get dressed babe, I made us reservations at the Roof restaurant." He said, planting little kisses everywhere he could reach, crawling his large frame over yours that was stretched out on the bed.
"Okay! Okay!" You tell him, trying to squirm away from him playfully. Shoving at his large shoulders.
“You're insatiable!” You tell him as he rolls off of you. Going to grab his watch and wallet he’d taken off when he’d taken a shower a few moments ago.
“Yes, I am, and you love every fucking minute of it sweetheart.” He said, coming to cage you to the bed again. “Now quite being a little brat, and get that pretty ass dressed, I’m hungry.”
You stick your tongue out at him dramatically, and fold your arms over your chest. Ignoring your own growling stomach in order to annoy him further.
You loved it when Jensen was this playful, and it didn’t happen often so you were determined to take as much advantage of it as possible.
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The restaurant was beautiful.
You'd never really been to anything this nice before.
The waitress brought Jensen and yourself into a back room, brought out a wine list that Jensen had quickly chosen from. Reaching across the table grabbing your hand in his.
"What do you think?" He asked, gesturing around him at the fancy restaurant.
"It's gorgeous! I love it!" You tell him, earning a proud smile from him.
"When you travel a lot you find these little gems like this." He said, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand gently. “This one is one of my favorites.”
The waitress returned, and you both ordered your food. Which was brought back to you surprisingly quickly.
The two of you ate your dinner in a comfortable silence.
You did notice that Jensen kept nervously glancing around him, and you hoped that it wasn't his anxiety attacks coming back after the nightmare last night.
This is the most he’d been out in public away from the comfort of his hometown. Sure there were fans in his hometown that wanted pictures, and things when he was out in public, but a lot of them he’d been around so much at convintentions and things he even knew some of them by name.
You were also in a private room. So fans weren’t a problem.
"Baby, I got something I need to tell you." He said, looking across the table at you after making sure that the room was completely empty of waitresses.
"Okay..."
You look him over carefully. This wasn't the first time Jensen had started a sentence this way, so you had learned not to overreact, but after last night, you were a little nervous.
What he did next, you didn’t expect at all. Not in a million years.
Sliding his own chair back he got up, and walked over next to you.
Then proceeded to get down on one knee, grabbing your hands in his he looked you directly into the eye. Your heart started to pound harder and harder with each passing second as he tried to take a deep breath to collect his thoughts.
"You know, since the moment we met, I was falling in love with you, I was just too big of a damn coward to admit it. I haven't done right by you at all. I definitely don't deserve you. You sat by me in a hospital, cleaning me up every time I would get sick. Holding my hand. Sitting up with me through nightmares. I was weak. I wasn't half the man I should have been. I was a coward in a lot more ways than I could even begin to try to find excusable. The night I disrespected you that way.... You should have left me. I didn't deserve you to stay. Really I probably deserved to die that night like the piece of shit I was. Still you came back to me. I learned something that night.”
Jensen took an unsteady breath, his eyes tearing up as much as your own before he continued.
“Baby, that's that I can't live without you. I love you. I always have, I've just been to dumb to see it. You're my everything. You always have been. I want to give you everything you deserve, and more. I want to spend the rest of my life making up to you everything I've ever done wrong by."
Slipping his hand in the inside pocket of his suit coat he pulled out a little black box. Lifting the lid slowly, revealing the most beautiful engagement ring that you'd ever seen.
Your jaw hit the floor as tears flowed freely down your face.
"Y/n, I love you more than my own life. I want to spend the rest of our lives showing you that. Will you do me an honor that I don't really deserve, and be my wife?"
You sat there for a moment slack jawed In complete and utter shock.
Of all the things you expected to come out of his mouth that wasn't one of them.
He shifted nervously, taking a nervous breath, piercing green eyes searching your own.
He was about to stand up. He looked defeated down at his knee. One big tear sliding down his perfect face, and making a little round spot on his black slacks.
He thought for just a moment he messed up. Now he was about to lose you for real. He'd moved too fast, he'd scared you off.
Reaching down, putting your hand on the side of his face, making him look up at you. Those beautiful candy apple green eyes that you loved so much full of so much emotion. He took a deep breath, and was about to say something, but you cut him off with your answer.
"Yes."
In a moment his lips found yours. His arms pulling you close to him. He was kissing every free spot that he could find. When he was done he slipped the ring onto your finger.
It felt at home there.
"I love you so much, Jensen." You tell him as you both get back into the car to head back to the bed and breakfast.
"I love you to y/n." He says, wrapping his arms tightly around you. Both of you just sitting there for a moment before he started the car to take you back to your room for the night.
Tonight felt like the first night of the rest of your lives.
Hopefully this was the beginning of better things for you both.
You couldn't believe that this man was really yours. That you would be so lucky to have him want to be with you.
He thought he didn't deserve you, but really it was you who felt like you didn't deserve him. He was more than you ever could have dreamed off. Scars and all. Because sometimes whether we believe it or not, it's the scars that make us beautiful in the first place.
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#jensen ackles#jensen ackles fanficiton#jensen ackles fanfic#jensen ackles series#jensen ackles dark fic#jensen ackles x reader#jensen ackles x you#jensen x reader#jensen x you#hurt!jensen#hurt!comfort fic#dark!fic#hurt!jensen x reader#hurt!jensen ackles x reader#dean winchester#spn fanfiction#spn fanfic#jawritter#you and me
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Traditional Writing Advice & RP
I see a lot of people reblogging writing advice posts, and while it pleases me to see people trying to appreciate RP as writing, those pieces of advice don’t always translate from traditional writing to RP writing.
Following the advice for writing a traditional book manuscript you want to have published, you are going to run into some issues if you follow every point of it faithfully in an RP setting.
For one thing, this isn’t just your story, you’re telling it with another writer. In RP, our reading audience and our writing partners are the same. We have to create well-written, engaging stories that are also meant to be picked up by someone else and furthered. For another, even among the most writing proficient RPers, this is a more relaxed style of writing for a reason; we’re writing neither a paper to be graded nor a work to be published, we’re expressing creativity with other people. It can fall flat quickly, to your writing partners and to yourself, if you are writing in an extremely formal manner in RP.
Writing is one of the creative pursuits that has lent itself heavily to what I’m going to politely call snobbery, and that is part of the problem here. The RPC is rather filled with muns who are self-concious, devalue themselves and their work, and can be desperate for the approval of being A Real Writer. If you love writing and you do write, you’re a writer. No, that definitely doesn’t make you a good writer, but following rules not meant for you isn’t going to make you one either.
There is a wrong way to write, actually, there are hundreds of wrong ways to write that make me want to rip my own face off on the regular. The thing is, there is no one-size-fits-all correct way to write any more than there is such a standard in visual art. There are principles that one should know and follow, but your style might be neoclassical or modern or impressionist. Saying that, in my personal opinion, things falling under the heading of modern-style art is horrid, thus inherently wrong and not art, I’d be imposing my personal aesthetics instead of encouraging people to follow appropriate principles, run with their passion and skill, and make art that moves people who are not me. That’s important, in general, but it’s even more important when we’re talking about creative art as a hobby-as a legitimate passion project one isn’t obliged to devote themselves to.
That’s the way we need to be looking at writing as well. Not as an academic and absolute Right Way, but as an art form that has principles, and indeed, literal form. By insisting otherwise, we’ve damaged writing as a hobby and a profession, and it really shows in the RPC where you have a rather stark division of muns who, on the one side, are so ate up with bizarre concepts their professor threw out about never using “said,” forcing the ideology of their personal academic experience on others, and using traditional writing advice as Word of God to shame others and elevate themselves. On the other side, you have a ton of muns who just won’t even bother anymore, and why should they? They’re genuinely not up to par, but working on it means both a process of shaming and killing their own creative experience.
In saying all this, I want to be really clear here: I am in no way saying that shitty writing, an inability to follow basic grammatical principles, being unwilling to use the damn spellcheck that is standard everywhere, and having no concept of things like storytelling, characterization, and word flow is excusable or ideal.
It isn’t. It’s a terribly destructive force in the RPC, and I’m not in the camp of excusing disinterest in learning, improving, and perfecting one’s hobby because it is an unpaid hobby. In my opinion, it’s part of the blight of the current RPC. However, the snobbery and inability to recognize that there is nuance to learning and writing situations has done nothing but worsen this issue.
So, that being said, some items that are 100% good to use traditionally and in RP include:
Grammar, spelling, and punctuation.
We’re not all native English speakers, and grammar is difficult anyway. It can also turn a story bland with expedience when too properly adhered to. Know the basic principles, but also, be asking yourself about both popular works of fiction and your own favorite works. Chances are, they do not strictly adhere to the rules. Experienced, naturally gifted, and learned writers all manipulate those rules to work for their stories, characters, world-building, and so on. It becomes a personalized writing style, and it’s alright if it takes you some practice to find yours.
Just remember, grammar exists for a reason. Removing or mutating too much will leave you with a difficult to read and understand mess that isn’t a style, just a fucking mess.
If you struggle with grammar, the best way to help yourself is to practice. Additionally, seeing what errors you are making can be quite helpful; Grammarly offers a free add on for both Google Chrome and FireFox that will show you spelling and grammar mistakes. It also explains the mistake, while offering you a suggested fix. This way, you can see the mistakes you’re making in action. {Presumably, there are other such resources, but since I have no experience with them, I’m not the one to recommend them.}
As I said above, spellcheckers are standard now, in fucking 2021. This has been standard on devices and browsers for so long that I highly doubt most people on tumblr even remember a time when you had to use additional software to have them.
You make a mistake or misspell, and if it isn’t corrected for you, it’s underlined very obviously for you to tap/click/float over to correct. If the word is so terribly misspelled that no suggestion comes up {not all spellcheckers are created equality; some do not recognize slang or relaxed spellings, archaic word use, myriad, particularly specialized jargon-legal, medical, technical-and so on}, we also live in a time period where we can highlight the word, right-click that bitch, and select from the menu the option to search for the word. If the word was so weirdly misspelled that your checker couldn’t figure it out, it is incredibly rare that Google doesn’t throw out the correct spelling when you search it. If the spelling was correct, but the word-use is slang, jargon, or archaic, Google is also going to tell you that-you’ve confirmed it is correct, and can now decide if you want to use it or pick a possible synonym for it instead.
There is no fucking excuse for egregiously misspelled words anymore. None. I mean...listen, I spell quite terribly myself, but no one reading my RP replies is ever going to know that fact. Having difficulty with spelling is not, and has not been for a very long time now, an impediment to writing.
Furthermore, we all miss a typo here and there, especially if we write lengthy novella. Those aren’t always going to be caught by spellcheck, and we might edit the reply five times without seeing it. That happens, it’s alright when it’s minimal! Anything other than that, though, it’s just a combination of rushing and laziness. You really couldn’t be assed to take your time with that reply, read it over at least once before posting, and/or to click the underlined word.
There. Is. No. Excuse.
Again, not all spellcheckers are the same. If you feel like yours is lacking, try an extension for your browser. Since I said it above, I obviously have Grammarly on my mine. My replies effectively go through three different checkers, actually. I write all drafts outside of my browser where it is initially checked by Pages, then, when I paste it into tumblr, it’s being checked natively and by Grammarly. It wasn’t my intention, I just wanted to be positive I was never losing a draft or cooking my ancient laptop with Google Docs. However, it’s been nice as hell to get the perspective of multiple checkers, and as such, I definitely recommend it. It isn’t like I’m putting any extra effort into this, and I’m not paying for Grammarly, either.
When you refuse to behoove yourselves of the spellchecker natively available to you, at least, you’re seriously telling your writing partners that they were not important enough for you to click a fucking word. It’s inexcusable.
Punctuation being nonexistent isn’t a writing style or aesthetic, neither is a refusal to capitalize anything. If never using a comma is part of your Aesthetic™, please, rethink your fucking life and the hobby you’ve chosen.
Punctuation is a part of grammar, and I understand that there can be complexities present that might be confusing. That is one of the reasons why you should bother to know the basics as regards when and how to use punctuation. It’s also another way in which telling people that they should adhere to advice meant for traditional and academic writing can be a shit idea. Especially in an RPC known to misunderstand shit and go overboard.
When you tell the RPC that writers use too many commas, the RPC stops using them all around. Especially, when you also attach this to the idea of evil “wordiness.” That’s something that the RPC is desperate to avoid anyway, as the majority of people here are allergic to reading and writing; anything you advise that lessens the word count for them is going to be grabbed and erroneously applied. Someone implies that wordiness and commas equals run-on sentences, and the RPC gets not only believes it, it gets this message, “if I take out the commas, it isn’t a run-on sentence.”
You have all fundamentally misunderstood what a god damned run-on sentence is. It’s not a long sentence, it isn’t a proliferation of commas. A run-on sentence is when two, or more, sentences that should be individual are conjoined without proper punctuation {a fucking comma, for example} or a coordinating conjunction.
Run-ons can be surprisingly short, in fact. As in the example I lifted from here, “I love to write papers I would write one every day if I had the time.“
That should be written with a comma, separated into two sentences, or broken with a comma and the conjunction “and.” It’s also what I see incessantly on my dash from this bizarre idea that we shouldn’t be using commas. That a run-on sentence is a very long one separated only by commas. That is literally not what a run-on sentence is.
You absolutely can use too many commas {if you want to read some examples of how to use commas, go here}, but I rarely see anyone doing so to such an extreme. The extreme being that a sentence becomes a nonsensical string of conjoined thoughts, ideas, and descriptions that could have been written better broken up into fully formed sentences. I sometimes see muns who go a little nuts with commas by putting them in wildly incorrect places in this way.
What I see constantly is either muns berating themselves for perfectly normal, readable sentence structure or muns reactively using no punctuation at all.
It is all legitimate run-on sentences or those made so short and blunt that they become nonsensical, change the tone of the writing, or have no flow together.
Which brings me to...
Sentence flow is a thing, and you should be doing it.
Unfortunately, this good writing advice tends to throw people. We’re not talking about the flow that needs to be present in academic sentence structure, or exactly the flow that is present in poetry. Though it may require practice to understand and apply well, it’s an incredibly simple concept.
You want to balance out shorter, blunter sentences with those that are longer and more flowing. It gives the text a pleasant, natural rhythm. However, it isn’t just about length, a thing that the RPC is weirdly fixated on. Rather, it’s about word use within those sentences as well.
It’s always important to write with a tone that works with your scene and, overall, with your muse. For example, in a tense, aggressive scene, or with a muse who is generally this way, it gets the message across to use short sentences and clipped words. We can feel the tension, annoyance, and threat.
Furthermore, the way your muse thinks about and uses words is relevant. A well-educated muse from the 1800′s isn’t going to have the same approach to words that a modern-day high school student does. You should be making that clear in the way they speak, but also, in the way you express their thoughts and actions. If you are only writing your muse’s personality and emotional tone when your muse is speaking, you’re not giving me the tone all the way through. It can feel like a marked delineation in flow.
However, you should be considering the overall flow of your writing as well. Did you just lay down back-to-back eloquently verbose sentences? If so, you may want to either follow them up or space them with a shorter sentence comprised of simpler words.
This is legitimately good writing advice for any manner of writing.
So is...
Show, don’t tell.
Which is another piece of advice that throws people when they try to make it more complex than necessary. That, and it grates up against the RPC’s need for short, quick writing. The idea that anything a mun gives you that your muse cannot react to verbally or with action is filler to be avoided. That idea comes from some principle advice that translates badly to RP; essentially, don’t wax poetic for three pages when it has nothing to do with the plot, characters, scene-setting elements, action, and so on. Don’t be Tolkien describing every tree and rock in excruciating detail on the way to destroy the One Ring, basically.
That isn’t fully appropriate advice in RP, where we’re having to write tiny chapters to each other to add onto. While it still has some merit, the RPC definitely has taken it to mean that you shouldn’t show anything. My muse’s private thoughts, emotions expressed and unexpressed, stirred-up memories, things they planned to say/do, but that were naturally interrupted by the flow of the thread all become Unnecessary. With...no mind to what they are showing and creating.
This particularly erodes writing muses as legitimate feeling people. As in the last example of what my muse intended to say or do that was interrupted. That’s a normal, human experience. It would be difficult and not enjoyable to read every instance of a muse’s broken thoughts and impulses or intentions, but giving one every so many replies in a natural feeling way keeps my muse presenting as a real person having a real person’s experience. Simple things like this go a long way toward your muse being “believable,” and by ignoring them or refusing to do them, you’re not making your muse very realistic. So much of the human experience is private, unknowable to outside parties.
Look...if you only knew me based upon a sterilized version of what I was saying to you or doing purely within the context of single interaction at a time, you wouldn’t know me at all. You’d have no idea what sort of nuance there is in my words, how I am expressing or withholding an opinion or emotion. I may not have any opinions, emotions, or other experiences that you are not contributing to. That’s very unrealistic, I’m not actually a person anymore. I haven’t any personality, I didn’t exist before you interacted with me.
That is the way it is with muses too. By stripping them of their internal experiences, we’re stripping them of more realistic feeling characterization. {It becomes, or adds to, a disastrous domino-effect of projected, cardboard stand-in style muses that are in no way a joy to interact with.} This is bad writing, makes for bad reading and interacting.
No one seems to understand show, don’t tell. Let me put it in a simple example: don’t tell me your muse is a good person, show me. Don’t tell me your muse is upset right now, show me.
Your muse has character traits you feel makes them A Good Person. They are compassionate, selfless, and genuinely interested in others. Don’t just leave that in the muse’s bio, or relegate it to statement-style lines like, “she cared deeply about others.” Show me these traits in action and thought. You don’t require anything dramatic to it, either. A muse like this should be a good listener, proceed with their love language in a way reflects personal involvement and a desire to comfort, be willing to sacrifice time and personal interests {don’t keep it to dramatic and literal self-sacrifice to show “selfless”}, legitimately doesn’t think of themselves first and foremost and may need reminding to care for themselves, and will be troubled by unfairness and cruelty in the world.
Your muse has been in a disagreement with a loved one, they’re not just “upset,” they are sad, angry, disappointed, and maybe even confused or surprised. While those are more descriptive and defining of the type of complex “upset” going on here, don’t leave it at these words. Don’t tell me that she said, angrily. Show me that she is having thoughts based on these emotions, actual emotional turmoil at her expectations of a loved one being devastated. Paint me a picture of the sadness in her features, the anger in her walk, how her words come out unpolished and jumbled in her surprise and turmoil.
This is what it means to show me, not tell me.
It also extends to scenes and recollections.
If your muse is happy sitting in her garden, don’t just tell me this. Show me why she is happy there, and define the sort of happiness in her thoughts, body language, voice, and expressions. Describe the aspects of the garden in tones of the happiness they bring, draw comparisons between this and her outward expression of joy with similar word use. It ties together both seamlessly in a way that we can relate to and feel, even if we hate the outdoors.
If this muse had a traumatic incident in her past, this is going to inconveniently come up, even if only in her mind. Don’t play coy about it and drop shit on your partners like, “she was thinking of things and stuff that was bad again.” No. Even if you are alluding or otherwise keeping the actual event secretive, you need to be describing how the muse is feeling, how she is experiencing the world around her through an overlay of upsetting reminders. Show me how she is having a visceral reaction to triggering stimuli while having to keep working or talking.
Additionally, even when your muse isn’t experiencing the scene you have set directly, you should show me instead of telling me about it.
Since my actual least favorite PSA on how it’s better to just tell people because no one wants to read “all that” deals with rain, we’re going to as well. Because it doesn’t have to be excessively descriptive to fucking show me it’s raining or has rained instead of just stating the fact.
Not, “it was raining.” Not, “it was wet outside.”
“In between her words, the distant, wall-dampened splash of cars driving through puddles.”
“He passed by windows beaded with moisture on his way to the kitchen.”
Wow, that was so complex, really a lot to read to get the idea that it is, or has been, raining outside without me directly telling you this!
There isn’t anything wrong with being more descriptive than this {nor is there anything wrong with using the word “rain,” so long as you’re backing it up with a description}, some of us do like to read and write about things like oil-slicked puddles in the street if our muse is seeing them or it is otherwise relevant. It’s just that you don’t have to do this, or have to do it at all times, to show instead of tell. This is yet another serious misunderstanding.
It isn’t that the description is often really that excessive, it’s more often that it is irrelevant to the extreme of sticking out weirdly. In the puddle thing, if my muse isn’t seeing it and/or I am not using that description to further experience, their mindset, personality, or tying it to an analogy later in the reply, it feels weird.
Some superfluous shit isn’t bad either, and superfluous can be purely subjective. It is, again, when it is to such an extreme as to leave your writing partner feeling oddly about a point in the text that seemed to ring with importance, but then held none. That isn’t an act of showing or telling, and neither is it your partner trying to show off as a gifted writer. For whatever reason, they just saw or felt that moment with such passionate clarity they had to include it immediately instead of waiting until a better moment for it. That’s literally it, there’s no need to project your insecurity in weird ass ways.
There are definitely other pieces of traditional-based writing advice that are great and either do transfer to RP perfectly or can with small amendments, but these are the most basic, commonly seen, and important combinations. They are also easy to better understand and apply!
When reading writing advice posts, please, ask yourself how they fit into RP. If they do at all. Many times, when it comes to the absolute basics of writing coherently and enjoyably, or developing characters, they’re great. It’s when they get into topics of some nuance that they don’t cross over so well and are outright damaging.
These pieces of advice are often being misunderstood or misapplied already, then are being passed around to a community notorious for its lacking application of critical thinking. Severe misunderstanding will happen, and terrible writing “rules” within the RPC develop from them.
Do be interested in writing, don’t separate traditional writing and RP writing into categories like “real writing and RP,” be invested in learning and improving. Just ask yourself how it applies to cooperative storytelling that is often thematic in nature, and proceed with caution and the mindset that writing is an art.
If you have the principles down and both yourself and others are enjoying your writing, you’re not doing it in an inherently wrong way because it wouldn’t be published. You’re not writing RP to have it published, and that’s not a bad thing. It’s just a difference to keep in mind when reading PSA’s about the Rules of Writing Whatever.
#tumblr rp#rp help#rp advice#rph#tumblr rpc#rpbetter#rpb#roleplay better#tumblr rp advice#traditional writing advice and rp#queue
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Day 19 & 20!
Day 19 - “I hate it when...”
As you’ve gleaned from prior posts, I hate it when you forget autism is a developmental disorder and not an intellectual one. We are so. Fucking. Tired. Of being treated as lesser, or like we don’t understand what you’re saying to us.
Outside of the reactions to others’ behavior, though, I have some personal “I hate it when”...I’ve let you into my mind and told you what I appreciate about how my brain works, but there are things I don’t like, for sure.
I hate that personal stressor things trigger a toddler-like need to SHUT DOWN. Like writing this blog, for example...the vulnerability I feel usually leads to a need to go to sleep for a long time, once I’m finished. Or after a long day socializing. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t want to engage my brain anymore, I just need to shut all systems down and sleep. Especially if there’s been a meltdown (meltdown—->shutdown)...and oh boy do I hate meltdowns. They’re really rare, thank dog.
I hate that my executive function is an absolute bag of ass. This is probably the biggest thing I would change. It got infinitely worse when my disability got bad (EDS), for some reason. And it drives me up the damn wall.
I hate my low function days/moments. It’s like my brain just won’t kick into gear, or the gears and wheels are rusty and grinding, & it’s rather anxiety inducing. I usually “hide” on my low days, sometimes in my darkened bedroom, and watch favorite shows or movies, or get lost in a good book - if I can. On low days I find myself re-reading crap constantly because it’s not making any sense, so I’ll even avoid complicated recipes...I have no idea why these days/moments happen, but boy do they piss me off/make me anxious (that’s kind of the same thing for me. My anxiety nearly always manifests as anger). On my low days, you’ll see (if you were a fly on the wall, because I suppress this even around my own family), me walking in tight, anxious figure 8’s and flapping my hands in a distressed way, as I anxiously try to mentally kick my brain into gear. (It doesn’t work, but it IS a little soothing. And my dogs are SO sweet...they gather around me tightly and just seem to know I need them.)
🤷🏻♀️ There’s probably more I could expound on that I don’t like, but writing this one has been pretty distasteful. I try not to dwell on things I hate anymore, so I’ve put this entry down multiple times and come back to it when I’m in a decent frame of mind. I think I’m tired of talking about it now, so I’m gonna just stop talking.....
Which is a good segue into Day 20 -
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“Communication”
Ahh communication. This entry will be long, because I have a lot to communicate LOL....
Personally, I write far more coherently and eloquently than I speak. My brain goes too fast...I often trip over words; my brain’s three steps ahead of what’s coming out of my mouth and I get scrambled sometimes. I can also take the time to think about what I want to say/HOW I want to say it. Like many autistics, I’m a blurter. LOL...I am constantly trying to remind myself, just because I think it, doesn’t mean I have to say it. This gets a LOT of us in trouble...one of my most memorable examples is, I *loudly* blurted “that’s BULLSHIT!!” in a church one time. (I was speaking on how my devout Methodist grandmother, who regularly takes communion at her church, was not permitted to receive communion in a Catholic church, merely because she isn’t Catholic, despite the fact that this woman is all about some Jesus & a devoted churchgoer - not just on Easter and Christmas.) In my defense, it WAS (IS) bullshit. I just didn’t need to practically yell that in church. As you can imagine, it was like a needle scratching across a record & everyone turned to stare. (My poor husband rescued me.) 🤦🏻♀️ Sigh. It’s a good idea to keep me out of most church services.
I am rather famous (infamous?) for calling bullshit straight to someone’s face, BLUNTLY. It’s out of my mouth before my brain’s “tact gatekeeper” I’ve spent over a decade trying to train is even half awake at his post (it’s a him because my husband is the one who taught me how to use tact in the first place. And it’s a him because said “gatekeeper” is lazy and falls asleep on the job all the time 😆). Have you ever just blurted your honest thoughts and heard shocked gasps or someone just busts out laughing? Yeah. That happens to me regularly. Or uncomfortable chuckles and someone will blink a few times and say, “oohhhkay, well, you could said that a different way.” (My old response to that was, I’m not responsible for what your reaction is to what I say...you’re in charge of your own feelings. I *understand* now how irresponsible and unfeeling that is, and I try to keep that in the front of my mind, even when I’m frustrated and nearly burning up with the desire to speak my thoughts in their raw form, but this is routinely an area I struggle to adapt to...and I am very sorry when I hurt someone I care about.)
On the other side of this same coin though, this is a trait my friends respect deeply, because I’m not cruel hearted or anything. You always know where you stand with me, and I’m the last person to try and lie to you. I SUUUUUCK at lying. And on the rare times when I do, I usually end up eventually telling on myself (this drove my older stepsister NUTS when we were kids, because she liked to do lots of sneaky things, and I don’t have an inherently sneaky nature LOL...so “DO NOT tell momma” was a *serious* risk for her, if she let me tag along 😂). Lying to someone just feels disgusting. Oily. Shameful. I hate lying. Plus, my short term memory is a grabasstic bag of CRAP, so there’s a good chance I won’t remember the lie and get caught anyway. 🤷🏻♀️ My boys also suck at lying or hiding stuff, and generally prefer not to...but I also give them a safe forum to be honest. (I’m sure there’s LOTS of crap I don’t know, but you’d be surprised how much they DO tell me.)
Another thing with me personally is that I go mute sometimes. I’m not being deliberately obstinate. I’m not REFUSING to speak in those moments...sometimes I literally can’t, and the effort of doing so will make me gag, or even projectile vomit. Sounds very dramatic, doesn’t it? It is. (And it annoys the SHIT out of me.) There’s not a fucking thing i can do about it. The movement of my tongue in my mouth will literally begin to trigger my gag reflex, and if I try to power through it, I’m rewarded with my lunch returning to the surface anyway, regardless of my desires, and sometimes rather unexpectedly & violently. USUALLY this happens when I’m uber stressed, but sometimes it seems kind of out of the blue & catches even me off guard. If this happens but I still have something to say, I start texting instead, and explain. Most people - especially my hubby - are very kind when this happens. (I don’t want your pity, I just want you to switch to written communication for a minute until I can figuratively kick the fuck out of the engine in my “speaking center” and get it to work again.) Other times, I will literally get tired of talking. Like my mouth and tongue - and somehow, the “word forming” part of my brain feels physically exhausted (weird, I know, but I also spend the vast majority of my life silent - I am home alone all day, hate talking on the phone, and simply don’t speak much, by choice. So maybe it is actual “mouth fatigue” 😂😂😂 - I’ve stopped eating before because I just got tired of chewing, too, even though I’m still somewhat hungry. 🙄) I am usually *perfectly* happy to keep listening! And I’ll stay engaged in the conversation usually. I am just...done audibly talking. I’ll literally say “my mouth is tired of making the sounds now, but please keep going”...but I think my husband is the only one who doesn’t find this unusual, and rolls with it. It usually happens after a long, animated conversation...instead of winding down, though, it just..stops. If I try to keep going, cue the gagging. I can stay engaged in the conversation if you let me start writing/typing instead of speaking, for my responses. So that’s a “fun” little trait of mine that many neurotypicals find unsettling. Please don’t take it personally. My mouth just doesn’t want to make the words anymore - and I’m probably mostly done adding what I needed to add to the conversation anyway. I’m a great listener when this happens, though. 😆
Communication is a really interesting thing with all of us, because it’s a struggle on one level or another. I will tell you, it’s a frequent topic in my groups. “WHY CAN’T NEUROTYPICALS JUST SAY WHAT THE FUCK THEY MEAN?!?! 😩😩😩” I’m dead serious - you might think, because we’re sensitive (generally), we can’t “handle” it? You’d be so very wrong. What we can’t handle is when you dance around a subject or we have to try and translate what you just said to us (which most of us are not that good at). Just fucking say it! Nine times out of ten, you’ll just get a look of dawning realization and a “oh, shit, okay” response. We can handle it. Just. Say. It. We’ll respect you a lot more in the morning, LOL 😆
I think every autistic has some sort of beef with neurotypicals when it comes to communication (as I’m sure you have yours with us, obviously).
You guys operate under some weird ass rules that we simply don’t understand - especially if you don’t tell us those rules & just expect us to know. Like, if my husband hadn’t patiently taken years to show/teach me how the way I said certain things were hurtful, I would still be in the “yeah she’s cool but she’s kind of an asshole” territory. (I still struggle to grasp this, or at least it still frustrates me....truth is truth, whether it’s an ironclad general fact or your own personal truth - and yes sometimes the truth hurts, but like...I don’t pin any responsibly for that on the truth teller, if that makes sense?)
Working in rescue also helped hone my ability to speak “neurotypically” to others - I work with a LOT of women, and boy do a lot of them NOT appreciate when you bluntly tell them what you think. Men on the other hand....
I know *lots* of autistic women who prefer friendships with men, largely centering around this communication thing. We hurt men’s feelings a little less regularly than other women’s. I know I was like that, until I got a little more used to how I have to modify my communication with most women (but that annoys me, I’m gonna be honest - it annoys my Autie friends, too). The only time I am as starkly blunt as I used to be, is when speaking to my female Autie friends (because they can handle it), or most of the dudes I’m friends with. But if my message is getting “lost in the sauce” and you’re not getting my point, I usually give a frustrated sigh, WARN you that I’m about to tell you flatly what I need to say, because we aren’t getting anywhere, and just say it.
Yes I am the friend who, when you gush on and on about your new back yard bred puppy, talking all about how you’re gonna breed him when he grows up, is gonna flatly say “he’s not breeding quality”, if they’re not. Then I’m gonna ask you why you want to do such a thing, given that you’re aware of the massive load of rescue dogs (PARTICULARLY Great Danes and Cane Corsos) - and probably beat your argument down every step of the way. That doesn’t always go badly though - one of my closest friends was considering breeding their dog, and while it was a beautiful dog, it was not one that should reproduce (from an “improve the breed” perspective). We barely knew each other, but I gained a reputation for being kind but starkly honest...and I knew what I was talking about...and now I have this person’s deep respect, and they have mine (because they listened and did the research I asked them to - and did not add to the breed population). So it’s not *always* a trainwreck, because the people who end up respecting how I communicate, usually end up VERY close friends. AND I WANT THAT IN RETURN, which is refreshing for a LOT of people. I want your dead honesty in return - PLEASE. It’s so much easier for me to process and accept. For example, my house is almost constantly in some sort of disarray. I have one friend who will come in and go, “girl. I almost can’t breathe in here - this clutter is too much”(and then she offers to help me tackle it!!).
Or, fairly recently, “oh my god those curtains are so horrible, I hope you’re getting rid of those when you redo this room.”
“But I MADE those curtains! I love that print!”
“Ugh. No. They’re terrible. Get rid of them.”
My feelings were not hurt in the LEAST (I of course had a flash of “you bitch, I was so excited to find that print and I MADE THOSE, ya jerk” 😂). At first I said, “well you’re just gonna have to suck it up and deal with my shitty curtains, because I like them” 😂, but then as I was redoing the room, I took them down...and it DID look a lot better, so I left them down 😂😂😂....
So I guess my point with all this is: every autie I know deeply wishes you’d just fucking spit it out. We WILL often miss or misinterpret the point if you “fluff” it too much (around my neck of the woods, we call it putting too much gild on the lily, though I’ve never understood that one. Idk if a “gilded lily” is/was ever a thing, why anyone would gild a lily in the first place...LOTS of us struggle with colloquialisms that don’t make literal sense. 😆 Recently a friend was baffled over “shit in one hand and wish in the other and see which fills up faster”, and fully half of the respondents to her post were people baffled by why anyone would shit in their hand - I and a couple others had to explain, and it just ended with them going “well that’s a fucking stupid saying anyway, and wishes aren’t things you can put in your hands, either” 😂😂😂...but I’m from the south, and these things are just part of our vocab. MOST of them are easy to grasp for me, like “nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs”, because I immediately picture it and can grasp the meaning. But others I don’t get - the gilded lily is one LOL)...
We are LITERAL AS FUCK. It’s why we ruin lots of jokes, too. My poor husband is the dad joke king - and I ruin fully 1/3 or more of his jokes by being too literal (which he also finds amusing, so that’s good). Sometimes we realize we’re ruining the joke but we don’t care, because it’s dumb, or we just .... can’t....HELP IT. 😩😂
Jeez, I could almost write all day about autistics and communication LOL!!
But to summarize (and not succinctly, sorry), I guess, for me and many many others...we are often blunt, direct, almost painfully honest, and very, very literal. Your unspoken rules of communication absolutely go over our heads, unless you - yannow - *communicate* and explain them. We’ll probably tell you those rules are stupid and exhausting, but we will TRY and stick to it as best we can. But see, we literally have to think about every single word that comes out of our mouths, because we communicate far more directly than you weird fuckers do. And it is literally actually exhausting. It’s not an easily natural thing for us to adapt to, your weird way of saying things but not saying what you really mean. You’re wasting a LOT of words there, sir, and we are now getting obsessively confused over why you would do such a thing. 😂 It’s also why I keep getting banned from Facebook. My recent one was because I said - in one of my Autie “safe” groups, where I should be able to just say what I mean - that I tend to punch or want to punch people who deliberately startle the shit out of me. We were talking about how stupid April Fool’s Day was, and how we hate pranks. Three of us got banned for 30 days for just...well. Facebook called it “incitement of violence”. 🙄🥺🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼🖕🏼
But I haven’t met - yet, maybe? - an autistic person who is cruel natured - not one of us gets any joy from being a bully type. WE feel everything on a higher level, so we kind of assume you do, too...you might think, “then why are you such an asshole?!”, but it’s simply that we - or every Autie I know, anyway - struggle to grasp how directly communicating your feelings is so fuckin hard or hurtful for y’all. I think anyone struggles to grasp something they themselves don’t experience. All you have to do is explain, though, and keep guiding us towards communicating in ways that we both find acceptable. I mean we’re champs at accepting all manner of different human - regardless of race, sexuality, and so on - but the communication is one area that frustrates the ever loving SHIT out of most of us, because it makes so little logical sense why anyone would say a bunch of useless words that muddy up their intent.
My closing advice? Help Your Pet Autie ™️ (this is absolutely a tongue in cheek term btw) understand how you’d like to be communicated with, and guide us. BE SPECIFIC for fucks sake - we suck at guessing what you might want, and it’s so frustrating that we’ll often just stop communicating at all. Instead of saying “it hurts me when you say this”, try saying “the WAY you said this hurt my feelings because of ____. Maybe you could put it like this instead” (or, “you know, you should really just keep shit like that to yourself”) and *give examples*. Don’t expect us to come up with different ways of saying shit, because we don’t understand what it is specifically you want, and it’s not very logical, therefore it’s not “natural” for us. Plus, everyone is different. I can’t talk to one of my sons the same way I can talk to the other, without certain negative reactions. Give us a chance to know your needs - we DO CARE!!! - but be CLEAR. I know in your world, tact is a big deal, but MOST of us will miss the fucking point if you’re too tactful (and when we misinterpret, we always err on the side of worst case scenario, and make the issue wayyyyy bigger than it should be. Being clear is soooo important).
And hey. Maybe it’ll help clear up some communication in other areas of your life. Being clear isn’t a license to be a fucking asshole; nobody’s giving you a license to unleash on everyone about how much you can’t stand humans...if WE hafta be quiet about that, so do you lmao...fair’s fair. 😆 But quit hedging and hinting and hoping we will pick up on the whatever your grievance is - because we won’t. We’ll just know you’re unhappy, and start panicking over guessing what we did wrong, and just shut down, because we have no idea.
Just. Fucking. Say it. 😘
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No. 6 Collaborations Project: A review!
It’s been a week since this fabulous album has dropped into our hands. Click “Keep reading to hear my thoughts on each track!
Track 1. Beautiful People
Khalid
★★★★
Favorite Lyric: You look stunning dear/So don’t ask that question here
Thoughts/Reflection:
Ed keeps referring to this song as ‘cozy’ and I completely agree. The vibe is cool. I love the tone of his voice here and I think it meshes really nicely with Khalid’s. The content isn’t super relatable, but I think we can all take something away from this one. It’s a good note on self-awareness and being able to see the reality in things that may look glamorous on the surface.
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Track 2. South of the Border
feat. Camila Cabello, Cardi B
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: So join me in this bed that I’m in/Push up on me and sweat darlin’/So I’m gonna put my time in/Won’t stop until the angels sing
Thoughts/Reflection:
This track is literally freaking scorching hot fire. TBH I’m surprised that they led the album with IDC and not this one. It feels like big radio potential to me. Regardless, this song is an absolute BOP - so catchy and so fucking sexy.
I know Ed’s Spanish leaves something to be desired ☺ But I feel like we can cut him some slack after singing (yet another) song dedicated to going down on a woman. The ginger is forgiven! Five stars for him! And I’m going to have SOTB on repeat all summer (or for the rest of my life).
Oh, I also really like Cardi on this song. IDK if she’s problematic or w/e, I don’t really follow her in the media at all. But her verse is fun. (I think Ed got a lil jungle fever AY) bahahahah
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Track 3. Cross Me
feat. Chance the Rapper, PnB Rock
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: Know she gonna slide anytime you bitches talk shit/Keep a lil blade in her fuckin’ lip gloss kit
Thoughts/Reflection:
Love love love LOVE this one. It just makes you want to get up and DANCE the damn thing! I have to laugh a little at the thought of Ed being hard & tough, lol, but it’s a cool concept nonetheless. Like he said in his Charlemagne interview, it’s kind of a love song…. but a different tempo. It’s catchy as all hell and Chance’s verse is fucking cool.
Full points.
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Track 4. Take Me Back to London
feat. Stormzy
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: Coz you can win BRITS (it don’t stop)/And you can do Glasto (headline slot)
Thoughts/Reflection:
Fuck. This song, though. IIt’s the first one that jumped out at me when I did my first full album listen. And I haven’t stopped listening since. The chorus is so syncopated. Stormzy is sick on this track, I love his voice so much. And it just feels like the two of them really play off each other nicely and probably had a blast making this song.
Also, Ed flexing “Grossed half a billi on the Divide tour/No I’m not kidding what would I lie for” is BDE and I’m personally really here for it.
This song is a banger and you should dance in your kitchen to it while baking pastries. FIve stars for you, Big Mike and Teddy.
(Dear God please let Stormzy guest live in Ipswich)
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Track 5. Best Part of Me
feat. YEBBA
★★★★
Favorite Lyric: it’s not a lyric but that part when Ed & YEBBA are harmonizing perfectly in the whoooaaAAaaaA
Thoughts/Reflection:
I love the sound on this song! His voice is so raw and tender here. It reminds me of Plus era, but grown up. I think it may be how delicately he approaches the syllables in his verse and the chorus. YEBBA’s tone is super rich and lovely, and they sound great together.
I’m taking a “star” off here because I don’t love the lyrics. I get that he’s being vulnerable and showing insecurities in verse 1, but then YEBBA follows that up with lamenting about misplacing things and being late for the train? It doesn’t seem to match up with admitting physical/bodily insecurities. Also, it could just be that I hate that Ed thinks of himself this way.
DUDE IS HOT AF
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Track 6. I Don’t Care
feat. Justin Bieber
★★★★
Favorite Lyric: I don’t like nobody but you/I hate everyone here
Thoughts/Reflection:
Oh god. When did this song come out? I’m trying to think back to my first impressions of it, LOL. It’s bright and poppy and of course it went and stayed #1 all summer (thus far). I remember thinking it was so cool that the melody is super mainstream and upbeat, but the underlying theme is around social anxiety. “Crippled with anxiety/But I’m told I’m where I’m sposed to be”
I mostly skip this one now that the full album is out, but I think I listened to it for a full 48 hours on repeat when it first dropped. Bieber is problematic and shit, and honestly I don’t think he adds much to the song. I really like Ed’s acoustic version where he does the whole thing solo.
The bridge slaps. Literally. I love that clapping bit behind it. I wish that Ed hadn’t fucked up the lyrics to the bridge in the acoustic version lolololol
Four stars, will bop along for many moons to come
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Track 7. Antisocial
feat. Travis Scott
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: So antisocial but I don’t care/Don’t give a damn I’m gonna smoke here/Got a bottle in my hand bring more tho
Thoughts/Reflection:
DID YOU SEE HIM GUEST AT TRAVIS’ SHOW LAST NIGHT? This song was already one of my faves but holy shit. In interviews, Ed talks a lot about feeling awkward on stage without a guitar - but it didn’t look like that last night. He was bouncy as all hell, sounded great, looked great. Looked like he was loving the crowd’s energy too.
And the music video? That deserves a post all on it’s own.
This track is pretty short but it’s packed with good stuff. Ed’s intro is really strong here, the chorus is interesting despite the repetition. I physically can’t help but groove along to this tune. I’m sorry. I have no say in the matter
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Track 8. Remember the Name
feat. Eminem, 50 Cent
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: 20 years old is when I came in the game/And now it's eight years on and you remember the name/And if you thought I was good, well, then I'm better today
Thoughts/Reflection:
YES. YES. YES. The song intros with a reference to Ipswich, bitch. I love how Ed makes those connections back to his upbringing.
It’s a little unreal that these three iconic voices/styles can flow so well on a song and still sound so balanced.
I’ve got this one on repeat too. I’m determined to learn all of the words damnit!!
Five stars for a tune that I would love to see performed live someday.
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Track 9. Feels
feat. Young Thug, J Hus
★★★
Favorite Lyric: See you wigglin’, jigglin/If I have a bite will it taste like cinnamon?
Thoughts/Reflection:
This song is fine. I like the feature verses. The song just doesn’t stick out that much for me.
-
Track 10. Put It All on Me
feat. Ella Mai
★★★
Favorite Lyric: I try to be strong but I got demons/So can I lean on you?/I need a strong heart and a soft touch
Thoughts/Reflection:
Falsetto. Falsetto everywhere. I love that! Ella Mai’s voice is so rich. Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot more to say on this one. It’s not a song I’m playing on repeat, but I don’t skip it either.
-
Track 11. Nothing On You
feat. Paulo Londra, Dave
★★★★
Favorite Lyric: You and I/Whisky on ice/Maybe later we can turn down all the lights
Thoughts/Reflection:
This song is SEXY and cool…. ‘smoke clouds and the scent of perfume’.... the imagery. Man. More falsetto here. Also, please go look up the translation of Paulo Londra’s verse. Thanks. I’m sweating. Is it hot in here? This album is *sexual*
ALSO THE ‘BRRRP’ AFTER “they keep ringing my phone” bahahahahah
-
Track 12. I Don’t Want Your Money
feat. H.E.R.
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: I need you here for the good times and the bad times/Yeah the pullin’ out my hair gettin’ mad times/Not just the when I’m in your bed on my back times
Thoughts/Reflection:
THIS IS SUCH A GODDAMN TUUUUNEEEEEE!!!!!!! I love this song so much. 10/10 jamming out to this in the car at every opportunity. Finger snappin’ cool r&b vibe. I love the super quick tempo (but not quite rap?) in Ed’s verses. And I always appreciate the little double-meaning-references in Ed’s songs - like ‘diamonds, silver or gold’ means $$$ of course, but also just success in terms of album sales performance.
TBH when I saw the title on Ed’s tracklist reveal, I totally thought this would be a slow mushy love song about how Ed’s lucky to have found someone who wasn’t into him for his money. This was a pleasant surprise!! I love that it’s a little angsty.
Five STARS bitch I love this song and y’all are sleeping on it
-
Track 13. 1000 Nights
feat. Meek Mill, A Boogie Wit da Hoodie
★★★★
Favorite Lyric: Birds eye view/Pay my dues/For a two-mile queue
Thoughts/Reflection:
i been ON for a thousAND NIGHTSSSSS NEW YORK TO LONDONNN DIFFERENT CITY EVERY DAYAYYY
1000 Nights: a flexy bop and I love it
This song is about the Divide tour which has been going for approximately 572 years. Not that I’m complaining.
But it’s cool (how many times have I said ‘cool’ in this post? don’t answer that). Ed loves touring and that comes out in this song. And Meek’s verse is so fun to rap along to!
Four stars.
-
Track 14. Way To Break My Heart
feat. Skrillex
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: I can’t stop thinkin’ bout her/And her lips on mine, so soft/Feelings I don’t know the name of
Thoughts/Reflection:
biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch.
This song is NOSTALGIC and I simply adore it. It has that same… “cozy” feel that Beautiful People does. Which is strange, considering it’s a song about heartbreak. But it’s just so. Soft. And warm.
We’re back to super soft placement of words and such pure tone.
It’s hauntingly beautiful. And yet uptempo! Bless, Skrillex. I especially love the drums that come in during the chorus, after “you’re still gone, and i’ll say”
PS, the soft sound of mouth smacking at :13. Use headphones.
Some of my favorite Ed songs are ones about heartbreak, and I appreciate that he included one here. About an imaginary heartbreak 👀
Take another five stars from me, bud
-
Track 15. BLOW
feat. Chris Stapleton, Bruno Mars
★★★★★
Favorite Lyric: Hot damn/Pop it like a pistol mama/You got me down on my knees/Baby please?
Thoughts/Reflection:
*laughing nervously*
Again, definitely not what I expected out of this track when the titles were all revealed. I LOVED release day on this one. The world collectively lost their shit. I need nothing more in this world than to see this song performed live, especially with a full band and Ed on an electric guitar.
I’m still not over this loud, full, energetic song full of men bellowing about wanting to, well, fuck.
Bye
(five stars from me and also my 62 year old coworker Jan)
:::OVERALL:::
This album is SO GOOD MATE and I already cannot wait until the next collabs project! Ed blessed us with 15 amazing tracks to tide us over until Subtract comes out. They’re so different from his normal album stuff and I really love to see him try new sounds and get to create/collaborate with artists he admires so much.
it also has me real hot and bothered lmao
Thanks for coming to my tEd talk.
#ed sheeran#no 6 collaborations project#album review#surprise bitches i love every song#what did you think would happen
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Trust -- part three
So...I’m thinking of deviating completely from canon soon because I love Mary and John’s relationship, and I’d love for the reader to meet Mary. So obviously what goes down with Mary wouldn’t go down here. It’d be a much happier ending, so to speak. I watched the wedding episode yesterday and immediately got hit with so many ideas. Thoughts? I do want some input but let’s be real, I’ll probably doing it anyway, because I’m going through it lately, and I need to write something with a fairly happy ending/happy scenes.
That being said, here’s another part.
Warnings: Just Mycroft and you having a chat. And a case.
It’s been four days. Four days since you met Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. Four days since you moved into 221C.
All you wanted to do was check out the music store around the block. That’s all you wanted to do.
But apparently when you’re living at 221 Baker Street, nothing is ever that simple.
You did get to check out said music store, at least. You were just getting to the letter B – just past The Beatles – in the crate of vinyl records when you were rudely interrupted by a woman in a black dress standing next to you.
Not one to turn down a good time, you offer her a smile – that she returns. She’s too busy typing on her phone to carry a conversation, though, so you continue looking through the records, amused to find some artists you’ve never heard of.
Then, your phone starts ringing. Thinking it’s John – because the old man has really become like a mother hen in the past four days you’ve been staying at 221C – you pull it out of your pocket with a huff. But it’s not John at all. It’s an unknown number.
“You might want to get that.”
You give the woman a strange look as you answer the call, pressing the phone to your ear. “Hello?”
“Hello, Y/N.”
You don’t recognize the voice at all. “Who is this?”
“Do you see the security camera to your left?”
You look. You nod. “Yes.” For Christ’s sake, can you not look through vinyl records in peace? You just wanted to do something simple after being cooped up in your flat for the past four days.
“Get into the car, Y/N.”
“What car? I’m in a fucking vinyl store—” Your sentence is cut short when you look out the store window, a black (very expensive looking) car pulling up to the curb. “Who are you?” You ask again.
“Get into the car.”
“Alright, fine,” you snap, ending the call. You look to the woman, who is still on her phone, mind you, and ask, rather harshly, “I’m assuming you work for him?”
She merely nods before she walks off toward the front door, giving you no choice but to follow her. And you do, a little reluctantly you add, because you aren’t sure who she is or who that man on the phone was. But you’ve gotten into enough trouble to know you’ve probably done something to him or some corporation he owns, and now he wants a word with you. Whether it be for revenge or to settle (because you have had some who are a little too annoyed with you to even bother with revenge), who knows.
For God’s sake, can you not have one normal afternoon while you’re in London? You haven’t had a normal life, so normal days aren’t normal, but a few here and there would be nice.
“Any point in asking where we’re going?”
The woman snickers. “Your brother asked the same thing. No.”
You blink at her statement and her answer to your question. You’re now thoroughly confused, especially since you didn’t know of John until four days ago. So there’s no possible way this could be connected to any trouble you’ve gotten into – or could it?
Do others know John is your brother and the both of you have just been clueless this entire time?
You shake your head at the absurd thought. John’s father’s name isn’t even on your birth certificate for Christ’s sake. The only reason you know who fathered you is because of your mother telling you and showing pictures.
You have his eyes. So does John.
The thought startles you. You always liked to believe you got every aspect of yourself from your mother. But meeting John has showed you which aspects are not at all hers.
After what feels like an hour-long ride, the car pulls into a warehouse. Not abandoned at all, from the looks of it, but also not frequently used, considering the position you’re in.
There’s a brief moment when your car door opens that you wonder if you’re going to die. But no one around appears to be posing a threat so far.
Cautiously, you step out of the vehicle. In front of the car, but further away, stands a tall man leaning on his umbrella. Someone of high regard, judging by his attire…and entire being. You almost let yourself smirk at his appearance.
You’ve dealt with a few like him before. You know how they work.
You walk up to him, grateful in this moment that you decided to wear your heels – but not grateful as the thought of needing to make a run for it crosses your mind. Not because you can’t run in heels, but because your feet will absolutely kill you tomorrow if you do.
“Nice place,” you comment. “Who the hell are you?”
“It’s not mine,” the man replies, avoiding your question and instead addressing your sarcastic comment. “And when one is avoiding the attention of Sherlock Holmes, one learns to be discreet, hence this place and hence phoning when you were outside 221B Baker Street.”
“Ah,” you nod. You should’ve known this had something to do with him. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think Sherlock has a reputation worse than yours. “Sherlock Holmes. The man of the hour. You know, everyone seems so interested in him. Care to tell me what your interest is?”
He smirks. “You don’t seem very afraid.”
“Trust me, I’ve been in far worse situations. This,” you gesture around you. “A damp warehouse and some power trip in an overpriced suit? Not my first.”
“Right, the Troublemaker. That is what they call you, yes?”
“My favorite nickname,” you grin proudly, glad to hear it again. This is fun. It’s been a while since you’ve heard it. “You’ve heard of my work then.”
“Yes, and it seems only obvious you’d run into Sherlock Holmes.” The man sighs, suddenly very focused on the concrete beneath your feet. “What is your connection to him?”
“Connection?” You scoff. “He’s barely uttered a few complete sentences since I’ve met him. The connection is nonexistent. Well, besides annoying him while he experiments.”
“But you’re living in 221C.”
“And you’re spying on me.”
“I spy on everyone.”
“What is it you want? I’m impatient.”
“Yes, I see.” He taps his umbrella on the concrete. “I want you to provide me with…information.”
“Information? On Sherlock?” You nearly laugh. “He doesn’t sleep. He’s been doing a chemistry experiment since yesterday afternoon and hasn’t finished it yet. And he’s a pain in the ass when he can be. Anything else?”
He doesn’t seem at all amused. “I meant what cases he’s solving.”
“Cases? There haven’t been any.” Well, there has. But minor ones. Ones Sherlock, and you quote, “solved without leaving the flat.”
“And you’ve only known him for four days.”
“Okay, again, who the hell are you?”
“An interested party.”
“Like that means a damn thing to me,” you shake your head. “Waste of my time.”
“What was that?”
“This is a waste of my damn time!” You repeat, louder so he can hear you. “What the hell would I get in exchange for giving you meaningless information on Sherlock?”
“I’d be willing to pay you a large sum of money to…ease the financial burden you’re under.”
“You would be willing, or you will?”
He clenches his jaw. You almost smile. Pushing buttons; it’s your favorite hobby. “I will.”
“Tell me why you’re interested in him.”
“I worry about him. Constantly.”
“Not good enough.”
You’re bound to weasel it out of him. The secret you picked up on from the second you heard a single sentence leave his mouth.
He’s Sherlock’s brother. You’re not an idiot.
But he’s not giving up that easily. “I don’t know what else to tell you.”
“Well then,” you shrug. “I’m afraid I’ve suddenly forgotten who Sherlock Holmes is and what he does on a regular basis.”
“I occupy a minor position in the British government,” he replies, rather quickly because in that lull you had decided to turn and begin walking away. “And I know you have a long history of getting in trouble.”
“See, now we’re getting somewhere,” you smirk. “You work for the government?” He nods. You narrow your eyes, an idea suddenly coming to mind. “I’ll consider your offer…” You pause, crossing your arms over your chest. “If you can do me an added favor.”
He seems pleased with this progression. “And what might that be?”
“You know I have a record.” He nods. “Wipe it.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Clean slate,” you continue. “Erase all the charges. Give me a fresh start.”
“Does this mean the Troublemaker is retiring?”
“Christ, no,” you laugh. “I’m too young to retire.” You would just prefer to not run for your life for a while. Something about living on Baker Street has changed that in you.
He narrows his eyes, weighing the options. “Alright. Done.”
“Done?” You scoff. “You expect me to just take your word for it?”
He tosses a roll of cash in your direction, a surprised look crossing his features when you catch it effortlessly with one hand. “Is that better than my word?”
You raise your eyebrows. There’s more here than you’ve ever held in your hand at one time. This will last ages if you spend it right. “Much.”
“I’ll be in touch,” he pauses, “when your slate is wiped clean as you say.”
You smirk. “Pleasure doing business with you,” you begin backing away, and under your breath, low enough so he can’t hear, you add, “Mr. Holmes.”
Upon arriving back at Baker Street, you head past your flat and up to the boy’s. You’re surprised to find John has gone out, leaving Sherlock in his chair – thinking.
You lean against the doorframe. “I was just speaking with your brother.”
Sherlock doesn’t move.
“He’s rather annoying, isn’t he?”
“Who, Mycroft? Yes.”
“Mycroft Holmes,” you mutter. “Doesn’t have the same ring to it as Sherlock Holmes.”
This causes Sherlock to open his eyes, almost glaring at you.
“Come to the store with me,” you try.
“No.”
“You don’t even know why.”
“Fine then,” he huffs. “Why?”
You smirk, knowing that he’s only asking to make fun of you. “I need help carrying stuff back here.”
“No.”
“An ass when he can be,” you shake your head, chuckling. “When will John be back?”
“I don’t know when he left.”
“Alright.”
You head back down the stairs to your flat, chuckling to yourself. You hadn’t expected anything less from Sherlock. You merely wanted to let him know you’d spoken with Mycroft, and see if you could annoy him in the process.
Mission accomplished, you’d say.
And Sherlock would agree. Back in 221B, he resumes his thinking, but his mind is now clouded. An unfortunate thing that has been bothering him for the past four days, and he hasn’t found the cause yet. No amount of thinking has provided him with a good enough answer.
He stands abruptly, grabbing his violin from the desk and begins playing a random tune.
Down in your flat, you smile at the sound, moving to leave your door open so you can hear him play more clearly.
This is the first time you’ve heard him play.
~~~
John comes through the door some hours later, groaning because when he left, Sherlock was playing the violin, so now that he’s returned home to the same sound, he only wants to bang his head on the wall. You almost let out a laugh at how shocked his face looks when he passes by your door to see it wide open, willingly letting the sound travel inside.
He knocks on the doorframe, not noticing you sitting in the middle of your living room floor with a book. The sight almost startles him. Something as mundane as reading a book is not something he pictured you enjoying.
“Did you mean to leave your door open?”
You give him a strange look, closing the book in your hands. “I did.”
“Oh. Okay.”
You offer him a smile. You can always tell when he wants to say something else, but never does. “What is it now?”
“Nothing…have you eaten?”
For some reason, he’s been concerned with your eating habits since he met you. You aren’t sure what brought it on, but it has become a bit over-bearing.
So, you change the subject. “I meant to,” you stand to your feet, leaving the book on the floor. “But I was paid a visit by Sherlock’s brother.”
“Mycroft?”
You nod.
“What was he doing here?”
“Not here,” you shake your head. “I was out at the record store and got a call. Next thing I knew I was in a warehouse talking to some power trip in an overpriced suit.” You roll your eyes. Regardless of what you got out of the encounter – which is so far only some cash because Mycroft hasn’t been in touch yet – it still wasted your damn time.
“Power trip in an overpriced suit,” John chuckles. “That sounds like Mycroft.” He pauses, a thought occurring to him. “Did he tell you he was Sherlock’s brother?”
“God, no, he’s not stupid. But neither am I. After he said one sentence I knew exactly who he was.”
“Did you tell him?”
“‘Course not,” you smile. “Remember? I’m not stupid.”
“Yes, well,” he shakes his head with a laugh. “Did you accept his offer?”
John’s eyebrows raise when you nod. “I had one condition, but yeah.”
“What was it?”
As if on cue, your cellphone chimes in your pocket.
Done. –MH
You smirk. “And my condition has been met.” You look up to find John still giving you a confused look. “Oh, I asked him to wipe my criminal record clean.”
“You had a criminal record?”
“Don’t look so shocked. Don’t we all have a record?” You roll your eyes, bending down to grab the book. “Anyway, that was him,” you give your phone a little shake. “He wiped it clean.”
“So you’re just going to give him information about Sherlock, then?”
“What more do I tell him? I already told him he doesn’t sleep or eat, he just sits around thinking.”
“Well…”
“JOHN!”
You both jump, the loud exclamation startling you, but John looks less startled and a little annoyed.
“We have a case, I’m guessing?” John calls back, shaking his head. “I guess we’re going out.”
“We’re?”
John gives you a look. “Yeah, you can come with. I could use someone else around on these things.” He turns, then pauses, “Hurry. He’s impatient.”
Knowing that to be a fact – and being fairly impatient yourself – you slip into your heels (they’re closest) and follow John out into the hallway. Sherlock meets you both there, a smirk settling over his lips when he sees you’ll be joining them.
The three of you climb into the taxi that Sherlock so forcefully hailed after barely stepping foot outside the flat.
You sit beside John, but in between him and Sherlock. The silence isn’t as deafening because you can feel the excitement rolling off of Sherlock’s body.
“Would you mind introducing yourself as Y/N Watson?” John suddenly asks, gaining your attention.
You raise an eyebrow. “Why?” Your first thought is John wanting you to be a Watson, which will never happen. You’re a L/N, for Christ’s sake. You always have been.
And the look John gives you tells you that he wasn’t intending for that subtext. “I just mean it would make this easier to explain.”
“But this is none of their business.”
He tries again. “It’ll make them quicker to trust you.”
“You know I don’t care about trust.”
“I know you don’t, but they do.”
“He means it’s easier for their simple minds to think that you’re trustworthy by introducing yourself with the last name Watson rather than saying Y/N L/N and adding on the fact that you’re John’s half-sister he just happened to meet four days ago.” Sherlock barely moves an inch while he speaks, but does once he finishes to give the two of you a look. “It saves time.”
“We were too loud,” you snicker to John. “Interrupted his thinking.”
“Yes,” is all Sherlock replies with, but you see him turn his head to hide a smile. A smile Sherlock feels his brain beginning to scold the action, wondering why he would need to hide a smile or smile at all, for that matter. You had interrupted his thinking. That was something he should be frustrated with, not smiling about.
You smirk. John gives you a strange look, your attitude toward Sherlock still being a first for him. He remembers being royally pissed at the man for the first few weeks he lived with him until he finally got used to the comments he makes and the way he behaves. But you seem to take everything in stride, with an amused smirk.
When you reach the crime scene, which is a fancier looking hotel, you’re more than confused. You know Sherlock can observe and make deductions from just about anything, but what is the point of analyzing the crime scene if they’ve obviously taken the body to the morgue?
That one is too easy to notice. There’s an obvious, cleaned bloodstain on the concrete outside the hotel. And there’s too many people mulling about. They’re not going to keep the body here if the hotel is still operating as usual – which they no doubt are. A hotel that looks like this has to have a reputation they want to uphold, and part of that reputation would not be that they left a dead body lying on their sidewalk.
As soon as you get closer to the building, you recognize a certain face, immediately cursing under your breath and nudging John. “I think plan Y/N Watson isn’t going to work.”
“What? Why?”
You faintly hear Sherlock mutter his deduction. “Because Y/N and Lestrade have already met.” John’s head whips around to give Sherlock a bewildered look.
“Y/N L/N,” Lestrade shakes his head, walking over with an almost shit-eating grin on his face. “Didn’t I arrest you just last year?”
“That was me. How’ve you been Gerald?”
He frowns. “It’s Greg.”
You grimace. “Right.”
“Bloody hell,” he groans. “First Sherlock, now you?”
“Sorry,” you shrug, trying to lighten the blow. You’ve always been awful with his name in particular.
“I got a call this morning,” Lestrade continues. “Telling me all your charges had been dismissed. What’s that about?”
“Hm,” you smirk. “No idea.”
Lestrade begins to ask you for a more in-depth response – because he knows you know, especially if you’re hanging around Sherlock Holmes and John Watson now – but you’re off and following Sherlock into the crime scene before Lestrade can even blink. John just sighs, giving the detective a smile before following after his half-sister.
“The body is at the morgue already,” Lestrade announces when he reaches the hotel room, right behind John. “You’ve got five minutes Sherlock.”
“I only need two,” Sherlock replies, lifting his head from the nightstand. “But thank you for your overwhelming generosity.”
You roll your eyes, poking about the room aimlessly. You’re not expecting to find anything. You’ve met enough people to be able to analyze them when you meet them, but analyzing their hotel room? Not exactly your area of expertise.
Nor do you particularly care about it all that much.
“I don’t understand what we’re supposed to get from this,” you huff, kicking a random shoe over to the corner. It knocks into an open suitcase. “Whoever it was, obviously wasn’t here long.”
Once Sherlock finishes his examination, which takes all of those five minutes, he stands, abruptly announcing, “I need to see the body.”
Great. Now you’re off to a morgue.
You follow John out the door and back into the street, Sherlock busy with hailing a taxi. While you’re waiting, you see Lestrade walking up with another smile.
“Try and keep yourself out of trouble, okay?”
“Lestrade…” You shake your head with a grin, seeing Sherlock stop a taxi out of the corner of your eyes. “You do remember my name, don’t you?”
“Yes, I do, Troublemaker,” he sighs. “Just don’t get yourself arrested.”
“Oh, I plan on it,” you smirk, sliding into the taxi after John, shutting the door behind you.
You actually don’t plan on it. You never plan on getting arrested, really. It sort of just…happens. But then again, you did ask Mycroft to wipe your record clean for the sake of starting fresh. You think you can go a few more days without getting into serious trouble, maybe longer if Sherlock keeps you as entertained as he is doing now.
Cases, even though this is your first, appear to be fun. Mind racing, adrenaline pumping. The same feeling you get when you scale buildings.
You sigh, suddenly feeling a wave of nostalgia for the activity. You haven’t had fun in a while like that. Maybe one day soon.
#sherlock#sherlock holmes#sherlock holmes x reader#john watson#sibling!reader#half-sibling!reader#mycroft holmes#Trust
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CMW2/Trumpetnista: True North
Summary from FFN: CANON COMPLIANT AU WITH HEAVY SPOILERS FOR THE END OF SEASON 4 AND THE FIRST EPS OF 5; After the events of 'Not You, Too', Bruce is ecstatic that Selina is alive but he is about to truly lose it. Being the True North of his life, Selina enlists the one person who loves him more than her to help him escape Gotham's ruins.;Rated for words & imagery;4th in my 2019 SSS Project
Words from the Hooded GOTHAMITE: Your eyes are not deceiving you, folks. It's a double header! I'm really gonna knuckle down and update/finish at least one of my established stories in another fandom after this one, I promise but again, what the Muses want, they get. If I don't cooperate with them, they go away for ages. They really want Bruce and Selina right now. It is what it is.
Selina and Alfred's bond is one of my favorite on the show. I've always loved a good 'started from the bottom, now we're here' plotline and I'm glad that they've united. Other than Jim, they're all Bruce has so it's best that they get along. They've gone from enemies to frenemies to family and I really, really hope that the BatFamily can become some kind of an official thing in GOTHAM's endgame. If not, that's what fanfic is for.
Again, I just want everyone to be happy. Is that too much to ask?
Anyway, here's the follow up to 'Not You, Too' and after I do the aforementioned updating/finishing in my other fandoms, I will get started on my next big Baby BatCat fics. There is a need and I will fulfill it!
Disclaimer: “Honestly, it’s not mine!”
"I once said that the only reason he wanted to be with me was because I was literally the only girl he knew. That myth is just busted all to pieces now, ain't it?"
"Completely. You're the love of his life."
"He's a masochist. And I'm an idiot because I love him back. One of those Tangs for me?"
"Yes."
"Any vodka in it?"
"Unfortunately, no."
"Don't worry. I'll swipe some Goose from Barbara later. I gotta go see Tabby. Pay my respects."
"I'm sorry for your loss, Selina."
"Are you?"
"You cared for her."
"She tried to kill Bruce. Like really, really tried."
"Everyone has."
Laughing still hurt like hell but Selina Kyle couldn't help but do so. It wasn't like Alfred Pennyworth was wrong. Every maniac worth their salt in Gotham took a crack at Bruce Wayne at least once before their temper tantrum was done. That was what he got for being an overly noble piece of shit like Jim Gordon. Not to say that Gordon wasn't a good man (not that she'd ever tell him so to his face) but to model one's life choices after him really wasn't the best idea. It led to so much trouble.
Hopping down from the roof's ledge aggravated her injuries but Selina welcomed the pain. She welcomed the fact that she could climb and jump again. Even when she had nothing, even when she was all alone, she had been able to move. She had been able to run, jump and be free. Jeremiah Valeska had taken that away from her. He had shot her, nearly ruined her, but fate in the form of Bruce had intervened. He had gone out and found a Cure for her. He had risked becoming a living garden from Ivy Pepper Version 3′s venom for her. He had saved her and in turn, she would do her best to save him.
Eventually, she wouldn't be able to. It went back to him being an overly noble piece of shit but damn it, she would try. Bruce didn't get to die on her, not for a long time.
"How are you feeling?"
"I look the way I feel, Lurch."
"So, like a walking piece of roadkill?"
"Fuck off."
And it was very clear that Selina could not die on him. It wasn't an option. Jeremiah Valeska and his crazy girlfriend bitch had tried to kill her. They had damned near blown her up but she had made it out. She had managed to get out of her restraints and had been in the process of climbing out of a window when the explosives went off. That had sent her flying and while there was a bit of a blank, she remembered the feeling of weightlessness, the impact with the truck, and more importantly, the feeling of needing to get home.
Home was Bruce. Whether they were in Wayne Manor, The Haven, or anywhere, Bruce was home. She needed to get her ass up, pull herself together enough to function, and get home. If Valeska went after her, it stood to reason that he was going to go the whole nine yards. Her, Gordon, Alfred, anyone positive in Bruce's life had a bulls-eye on them again. Valeska wanted to break him. He wanted to convert him to his special brand of madness and the circus freak probably wanted his body, too. Bruce was damned fine to look at, like one of those angels in museum paintings. He had been adorable before but puberty had been very good to him.
However, the only person who would be touching the art was her.
Even if Jeremiah wasn't crazier than the cow that jumped over the moon and blew it up, the age difference was not good. Jeremiah was in his mid-twenties. Bruce may be 40 years old in the head but he had just turned 18. Jeremiah's Evil Twin Jerome, may he forever rot and burn in Hell, had ruined his birthday party when he took over that concert with exploding neck bombs.
The cake had been damned good, though. God, Selina missed cake so much. It was still possible to find the ingredients or a done one but it was more trouble than it was worth. The energy would be put to better use finding medicine or ammo.
Anyway, it had taken some time but she had gotten to the Twelfth Precinct, only to find a broken Bruce Wayne. He had thought she had been murdered. Jeremiah had said she was dead and instead of breaking in the way the freak longed for, Bruce had beaten him to death with a chair.
Jeremiah Valeska was very much dead.
Selina had demanded to see the body, just to make sure he was gone, and it had been a mess. Absolutely justified but a mess, all the same. Jeremiah's girlfriend had been catatonic but when three unfortunate saps tried to transport her to Arkham, she had murdered them and ran. Word was that she The Dark Zone's leader now and she would 'continue her beloved's legacy' or some other nonsense like that. As long as the demented bitch left Bruce the hell alone, Selina didn't care.
She would never forget the way he looked when Bruce came out of Gordon's office.
He looked as if his whole world had been destroyed but reborn in front of his eyes. The wild look in his eyes, the way he was shaking? It was the warehouse with Scarecrow's Terror Gas all over again, only a thousand times worse. All Selina could do was touch him, tell him to breathe, tell him to look at her but he hadn't got it. It had taken seconds for him to get it but it had felt like hours. Seeing him like that? God, if the motherfucker wasn't already dead, Selina would've gone after him. He already had a target on him for the bullet to her spine but hurting Bruce, breaking Bruce...
The hug he had given her had been so painful but she didn't dare pull away, not until she was sure that he was back. The anguish and relief in his voice as he cried in her arms, even as he responded to her would haunt her forever.
It also put a very heavy responsibility on her.
She had to stay alive.
She had to keep her remaining 7 lives close to her because if she didn't?
"...Selina? Are you up here?"
"Hey, B. You want some Tang? There's no vodka in it but it's still pretty good."
"No, thank you. I...I woke up and you were gone."
"Sorry. I needed some air and you needed the sleep. I didn't mean to scare you. C'mere."
Bruce came to her and hugged her, hiding his face in her shoulder. It had been 2 days since her supposed demise and Selina knew that he would cling for quite a while. Afterwards, he would be even more protective of her and she had to get ready to deal with it. Not just from Bruce but from everyone. Even though Valeska was gone, eliminating one of Gotham's biggest problems, she and everyone else was far from safe. The government was still doing its best to avoid helping them, meaning that the city would continue to fall apart. Eventually, even the good people would start turning on each other for the sake of survival and then, where would they be?
"You two weren't fighting, were you?"
"Nah. Truce is still on."
"Good."
"You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry."
"I didn't ask if you were. You need to eat. I found a bunch of MREs and water. There's enough."
"Selina..."
"Look, I get it. You thought I was dead, went full on WrestleMania on Valeska, found out I wasn't dead, and had the panic attack to end all of them. You're stressed out. You're feeling guilty for caving that asshole's head in, which you really shouldn't, by the way, you're still sad because the city's fucked but let me tell you something: I'm still here. We're getting by as best we can until we can get outside help. Valeska had it coming to him and all not taking care of yourself is gonna do is make Alfred worry about you and piss me off. Do you wanna do that?"
"...no."
"You need to eat. And you need to sleep some more. I'll come down in a few minutes. I gotta bandage and ice my ribs, anyways. Eat. Talk to Gordon and get some damned sunlight, will you? You look even more like a vampire than usual."
Bruce let out a noise that was between a scoff and a laugh before looking between them.
"Anything to add, Alfred?"
"No, I think she covered things nicely."
"I don't know if I like this. You two ganging up on me..."
"Somebody has take the L. It might as well be us. Are you still here?"
"I'm going, I'm going..."
"Wait."
Stepping forward, Selina pulled him down into a tender kiss and pecked his forehead.
"Now, scram. Grab me some chili mac and a vanilla pudding."
Bruce looked at her fixedly, nodded, and headed for the staircase. He hesitated in the doorway and when he turned around, Selina gave him a tired but genuine smile. Relief visibly filled him at the sight and he was gone. Shaking her head, she let out a noise that was half sigh and half sob.
"For fuck's sake...Alfred, we've got to get him outta here. Enough is enough. I don't...he has been on the edge of the worst nervous breakdown ever since it all went down with his parents and now this shit, on top of all the other shit? We gotta get him the hell out of here, government bullshit be damned!"
"Agreed. How?"
"I dunno. I was hoping that you had an idea. All that gray hair. There ought to be some wisdom underneath it..."
"This gray hair used to be blonde."
"Oh Christ...don't tell me you were walking around looking like one of the bastards from The Bee Gees back in the day..."
"Okay, I won't."
"Ewww...I wanna see pics but ewww..."
"...we're all he's got. Us and Gordon and he won't leave."
"Gordon will help us get him out, though. Him, Bullock, and Foxy. Maybe even Barbara. She's always had a soft spot for him from back in the day. If not, she'll do it for me...or Gordon. Gross."
"Problem is that Bruce may refuse to leave. He sees Gotham as his responsibility."
"I'll change his mind about that."
"I don't think you're in enough good physical condition to do that, yet."
"First of all, where there's a will, there's a way. Secondly, you need to mind your business, Jack. I know you're his Guardian and I guess mine now but there are boundaries..."
"Apologies."
"...and third, I don't think getting him to bounce will be as hard as you think. He doesn't want to lose anyone else he loves to what's left of this place. That's us. If we get out, he'll get out. Of course, he'll come back here to help as soon as possible because he's an overly noble piece of shit..."
"He's our overly noble piece of shit."
"...I know but...if we stick together, we can pull it off. Truce is still on."
"For Bruce."
"For Bruce."
#Gotham#gotham on fox#gotham spoilers#gotham season 4 spoilers#gotham year zero#gotham season 5 spoilers#canon corrector AU#canon compliant AU#bruce wayne#selina kyle#alfred pennyworth#batfamily#otp: as more than a friend#otp: we're the same#otp: the bat and the cat#batman x catwoman#bruce x selina#the bat and the cat#cmw2#trumpetnista#true north#gotham batfamily#otp: bat & cat#selina saves bruce from insanity
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first love with jaemin
dO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING BEING NA JAEMIN’S FIRST LOVE AND HIM BEING YOURS MY HEArT alright before we start this is my first time making something like this so pls be patient with me
• ok this twerp would definitely be the kind to slyly drop a lot of subtle but not so subtle hints that he likes you before y'all started dating
• hints as in I’m talking about lOTS OF SKINSHIP AND BEING SUPER CLOSE AND INTIMATE WITH ONE ANOTHER BUT IM NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT KIND OF INTIMACY dONT GET YOUR PANTIES IN A TWIST YA NASTY
• like for example he’ll tuck your hair to the back of your ears like its nothing and then flashing you his million dollar smile
• or him telling you some cringey pick up line that is worth punching his beautiful face for poor chenle nearly threw up his lunch when he overheard you both
• BUT WHEN HE FINALLY THINKS ITS ABOUT TIME TO CONFESS HIS FEELINGS PROPERLY HE’LL BE THE CLUMSIEST LIL SHIT EVER
• HE BE TRIPPING OVER HIS OWN FEET AS HE MAKES HIS WAY TO YOU OR EVEN FALLING FACE FLAT oN FHE GROUND POOR BABY
• HE STILL TRIES TO BE COOL THO
• donghyuck, jeno and chenle makes sure to film everything down and probably make a meme out of his mishaps
• mark and renjun are probably just there for emotional support
• he’ll probably begin by wiping his sweaty (ew) palms on his trousers and nervously clearing his throat cORNY I KNOW
• you will most probably be like ??!??? at first but then you realise what was going on the second you saw the trash can moved behind jaemin. you knew this was bound to happen so you secretly kept it inside of you knowing too damn well jaemin will appreciate it if you pretend not to know anything for his sake
• this hopeless romantic smh
• “ok so y/n there’s this thing I’ve been trying to tell you all along. this may sound ridiculous but this takes so much courage from the bottom of my heart and the strength of jaehyun and yuta hyung’s fist to knock some senses into me. and if I don’t do this now johnny and ten hyung are going to call me a wimp and I have to buy them pizza later because I proved their point. I–”
• but who the hell said you were good @ keeping your mouth and excitement shut you can’t stand the tension anymore too either so lmaO
• “I like you too jaemin.”
• “pls do not interrupt me y/n”
• before he could say the three little words he’s been dying to say, he took a deep breath but stopped half way, opening his half lid eyes widely after his mind was able to process
• “wait what”
• “SHE SAID SHE LIKES YOU DUMBASS”
• “SHUT THE HELL UP DONGHYUCK”
• “can I come out now???” jisung’s head pops out of the bushes
• long story short jaemin was finally able to claim your heart that day and jisung got ant bites from hiding in the bushes for too long with the bouquet of flowers jaemin planned to give you after his confession
• the dream unit with the exception of jaemin also found their new source of entertainment from the video they got that day
• NOW DATING JAEMIN YES LETS GO ONTO THE DEETS
• NA JAEMIN IS DEFINITELY THE TYPE OF BOYFRIEND WHO WOULD SPOIL YOU WHENEVER
• he’ll get you small lil gifts of whatever reminds you of him
• that hair clip??? ITS CUTE BUY IT FOR Y/N that necklace?? A MUST BUY !! THAT LIMITED EDITION PIKACHU DOLL?? SCREW THAT VIDEO GAME WINWIN HYUNG WANTED HE CAN LIVE WITHOUT LIKE HE DID FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS
• he’d even turn up at your house at 2am with fried chicken if you text him at night saying you’re hungry GOALS YALL
• HES ALSO KIND OF LOWKEY LIKE YOUR 2ND MOM LMAO
• I call him dropping by your classroom during snack breaks/lunch breaks with food with him, knowing so damn well about your horrible habit of skipping on your meals
• he would force you to eat with him or at least take a few bites from the food he specially prepared/bought for you
• cOUGHS HE ONLY BOUGHT/PREPARED YOUR FAVOURITES COUGHS
• and didn’t he say he enjoys cooking in the dorm too?? imAGINE HIS HOME COOKED FOOD MADE WITH HIS LOVE
• I’m crying blood
• AND IF YOU REFUSE IM 999999% SURE HE’LL FEED YOU PERSONALLY
• “say ahh, y/n”
• “jaemin I said I’m not hungry”
• “stop lying through your food deprived mouth and eat!!!”
• “jAEMIN!!”
• “LISTEN IM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU FINISH THIS LUNCH BOX”
• JAEMIN WOULD ALSO BE KINDA PROTECTIVE BUT NOT CRAZY PROTECTIVE YKNOW
• HE’LL ALWAYS CHECK ON YOU IN BETWEEN TOILET BREAKS BY WALKING PASS YOUR CLASS AND TRYING TO CATCH A GLIMPSE OF YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
• AND THE SMILE OH NY GSKDNDN THAT SHEEPISH SMILE HE’LL GIVE YOU WHEN YOU TELL HIM TO GO AWAY IN EMBARRASSMENT JSNNDKEBXOEKE
• but lbr it’s either that really cute BF material kind of smile he be giving you through the window or that weird derpy smile he always has when he’s being dumb
• either way you’re embarrassed by this goofball
• and to add on to your embarrassment, he knows that some of your classmates may be watching the two of you so he’d blow kisses/make kissy faces at you
• he just absolutely loves to see you blush because it’s just so cute to him and he loves cute things especially you you’re his favorite cute thing and he wants to keep you by his side forever
• FIRST KISS YES
• YOU CAN NOT FORGET ABOUT FIRST KISS
• AND yALL KISS ON YOUR FIRST DATE TOO OMG SO IMA INCORPORATE BOTH PLS BE PATIENT WITH ME YALL
• because jaemin has been receiving lessons from his hyungs on dating it isn’t surprising that he brought you to the movies on your first date not because it highly suggested by his hyungs…
• you both agreed to meet outside the movie theatre and he was there an hour early and boy was he nervous as heck
• the older members were also there for a little while to prep him up aw how supportive
• sO after giving him half an hour long of prep talk and re-styling his hair (for running through them anxiously mULTIPLE OF TIME) ITS FINALLY TIME
• YOU TURNED UP RIGHT ON TIME AND YOU SAW HIM STANDING THERE OUTSIDE DAZING OFF INTO THE DISTANT
• HE LOOKS SO GOOD JUST STANDING THERE AND YOURE LIKE ‘tF HO W IN THE WORLD DID I END UP WITH HIM BLESS’
• pls excuse me for a moment here oh my god na jaemin is seriously one of the most attractive 16 years olds I’ve ever seen f U CK CALMD DJOWN
• ok lets get back
• IT WAS THEN YOU START TO FEEL THAT WEIRD FEELING IN THE STOMACH LIKE YOURE ABOUT TO THROW UP FROM THE NERVOUSNESS AND ANXIETY BUILDING UP INSIDE YOU
• BUT YOU STILL APPROACHED HIM ANYWAYS FROM BEHIND AND WHEN YOU FINALLY REACH HIM YOU GAVE HIM A LITTLE TAP ON HIS SHOULDERS
• POOR BOY WAS SO STARTLED HE JUMPED A FEW FEET IN THE AIR jk I was just exaggerating
• bUT STILL
• AND WHEN HE TURNED AROUND HIS JAW JUST DROPS THE MOMENT HE LAID HIS EYES ON YOU MAKING YOU BLUSH AND SHIT AND YOU COULDNT LOOK AT HIM IN THE EYES GOD DAMNIT SHDBNDSKDN
• SEEING HOW SHY AND EMBARRASSED YOU ARE BY HIM AND HE JUST LOVES SEEING YOU LIKE THIS ,, YOU BET MY LAST $3 THAT HE’D TEASE THE HECK OUT OF YOU
• “aigoo, my beautiful girlfriend looks even more beautiful than usual tonight. did you dress up especially for me?”
• I want to kms
• you’d just smack his arm and walk away, trying to hide your face. “let’s go buy the tickets before the show starts, you twerp…”
• the smile on his face would just become wider and he’d catch up with you, naturally reaching out for your hand and intertwining them together
• where the fuck did that nervous dipshit go and where the fuck did he find such confidence to become such a cheesy little shit
• jaemin also bought popcorn and drinks for the both of you and being the cheesy lil shit insist y'all share the drink with two straws while giving the excuse “i wouldnt be able to finish mine if we bought two”
• “I can buy my share myself”
• “nonono it’s too late for that now the movie is about to start and the line for the snacks is now really long lets go babe you don’t wanna miss out the beginning of the movie”
• he holds your hand and leads you both inside the theatre and to your seats • “what are we watching again”
• “the conjuring 2”
• TOTALLY NOT TEN AND JOHNNY’S SUGGESTION
• “hmm,, ok… wAIT WHAT”
• you stared at him wide eyed and jaemin suddenly looked remorseful and he regrets everything especially listening to his hyungs who probably learnt all their “techniques” and “moves” from watching too much corny chick flick and kdrama
• “sorry, I should’ve asked you. do you want to leave right now? I can get tickets to see another movie.”
• THIS BOY IS LEGIT READY TO GET UP AND GET YOU TICKETS TO WATCH ZOOTOPIA IN THE THEATRE NEXT DOOR
• HE WILL DO ANYTHING FOR YOU
• but your cheapskate ass just grabs him and pulled him back down in his seat but not letting go of his hand
• “its fine jaemin, ive seen the trailer and my friends say it’s pretty good. let’s enjoy this movie shall we? haha.”
• though your face say yes but heart say no, jaemin was reluctant but eventually decided to sit back down when the lights went off
• “but if the movie gets too scary and you dont feel like watching it anymore you can always tell me, ok y/n? we could have dinner early or something, i’ll bring you some place nice.”
• instead of watching in the beginning of the movie, jaemin was watching you the entire time with a stupid smile of his face despite worrying over the fact that you might be scarred for life
• eventually you caught him and you had to forcefully make him stare ahead at the big screen instead. at first he was pretending but soon enough he was immersed in it
• this dipshit istg
• when the climax of the movie came, you knew what was going to happen and you immediately grabbed jaemin’s hand while following your instincts and hid behind his shoulder
• he was caught off guard at first lmao since he was too immersed in the movie that he nearly forgot that hes on a date
• after realising you had grabbed his hand and possibly squeeze it for as long as the climax part of the movie lasted, he blushed and tries to bite back a smile from forming on his face
• and when he turned to look at you, seeing that you’ve curled up in the seat, ears covered with your other hand and eyes squeezed shut, he was this close into melting into a puddle of goo because you looked so cute and squishy and he just wants to hold you
• and he did
• i am trying not to scream as i type this
• he skillfully wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you into his embrace, stroking your hair as he teases you “aigoo my big baby i told you we should’ve watched something else instead.”
• you both went on to watch the movie like that, you clinging onto him like your life depended on it and him enjoying every second of it and lowkey wishes the movie to be longer
• when the creepy music in the background began to play as the second climax arrive, you were already gripping onto jaemin’s arm. being the perfect boyfriend material he is, he covered your ears. (BASICALLY JUST LIKE THE WAY SUNGJAE DID TO JOYIN WGM WHILE THEY WERE WATCHING A MOVIE I MISS THEM SO MUCH)
• but as soon as it was over (after all that exorcism and shit and everything becomes brighter), you’ll just look up and blush in embarrassment cos jaemin was staring back at you with a smug look on his face tHIS LITTL E SHIT
• you also notice that there are red marks on his arm from where you were grabbing him so you gasped and began apologizing for nearly tearing his arm apart during the movie while gently stroking his arm while rambling on and on about how sorry you are and also complimenting how he’s practically hairless
• apparently you were rambling on too much that he couldn’t take it??? not in a bad wAY BUT it wasn’t just your rambles that was driving him crazy
• it was your moving lips
• yes LiPSSSS gIRL YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS
• YOU GUESSED IT
• he kissed you
• to shut you up
• and to also finally man up and kiss you like how he should’ve 3 weeks ago when you both started dating
• mmMm gotta get me a guy like jaemin A++
• you were too stunned to kiss him back so you just stared at him wide eyed when he pulled away
• “i-what-huh-wait, jaemin-what-” you poor confused child
• “how did you know peach was my favorite flavor.” he wipes the corner of his lips as he said that with a shit eating grin, causing you to turn crimson.
• “what are you kids still doing here? the movie is over; leave.”
• whoops
• so basically that was how jaemin found his confidence and that was just only the beginning of this cute relationship and he just adores the heck out of you and loves you to bits you guys are practially engaged in his head and he hopes that not only you’ll be his first love you’ll also be his last iTSNT THAT THE CUTEST THING EVER
• i am crying blooODdd i hope you guys enjoyed this like how i enjoyed torturing myself ㅠㅠ
#nct dream#nct#nct scenarios#nct imagines#jaemin#na jaemin#nct 127#nct u#taeyong#taeil#hansol#johnny#yuta#doyoung#ten#Kun#jaehyun#winwin#mark#renjun#jeno#donghyuck#haechan#chenle#jisung#nct dream scenarios#jaemin scenarios
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Greenhouse Effect (GreenhousEfect) on Twitter – “Manipulation” 1992 Palle Carlson Drummer. SuperNetCelebrities.Com 2010.
vimeo
89,357 Views – The hillarious but highly Rocking Greenhouse Effect Videos from their “Final band meeting” Of November 1992 at El Segundo California’s Jet City Sound Studio have been spliced into other G.e clips. Four Songs were shot that night; Three Versions of “White Black Thang’, Search and Destroy, Two Versions (Or more) of the Beatles cover version of “Please Please me”, …and ofcourse several for the somewhat uptemp G.e. Rocker “Manipulation”. Clark Hagins calls the Video for “Manipulation” his favourite; “We look like we’re havin’ fun there,..we look silly but one can tell that when we played live – We Rocked,..and we rocked hard,…we were a weird unusual band,..to say the least.” Greenhouse Effect exploded in notoriety in 2007 with some of Google Videos Most watched clips World Wide; “Our drummer died in 1999 in a bizarre Gardening accident (Laughs)” says Clark Haggins. Ofcourse Hagins is only kidding as he is referring to hillarious Danish Drummer Palle Carlson , the Denmark Drummer who resembles Spinal Tap’s first percussionist in old 1965 black and white clips. “Greenhouse Effect was a World sensation for quite a long time,..we attracted alot of attention and 50,000 Twitter Followers,…I never wanted all the internet fun to end,…but I do see things now finally slowing down in 2010” says Clark Hagins. “We only get about two Million looks a day now,…thats pathetic compared to the kind of business we used to do in 2008.” – There are ofcourse no plans for Rock’s most watched band to reassemble any time soon and Hagins sees the 1992 demise of the band as just another bizarre mistake from his life’s journey; “We were around for like 7 years,…Me and Flipper (Phil Keegan Guitarist) had planned to be the biggest Rock Stars in the musical universe – but it never happened,… ,…until I was like 50 years old (Laughs) ” says Haggins. “We watched all those music industry bands like Nirvana and Green Day hit it big while we did things like work in cubes and clean Pools,..its just a damn shame” says Higgins. Hagins says that the tired band eventually grew ‘into futility’ by late 92′ ; “We had all these Great songs and a great live show but we made enemies with all of the biggest wigs in Hollyweird …there was no way I was ever gonna kiss their arsses – I would clean Swimming Pools before I would do that (Laughs).” Hagins calls the Video for “Manipulation” the absolute Last Hurrah for G.E. ; “The End of the video is hella fucking cool – it looks like Ted is trying to fuck me in the ass and then Palle just picks his nose,.. its pure Lame Rock n roll the way you love it,..it’s fuckin’ hella cool ” ================== 148,037 Views – “Ripping Reason” Comes roaring Out of the speakers with sheer Psychedelic Power !! This Track Sounds so Great in this ‘other’ version – A 1992 “Remix” by sound studio engineer Bill Krodel in El Segundo California with Clark Hagins. “Ripping Reason” is a personal favorite of mine” says Higgins. “I was trying to make it a ‘hit’ I remember,…sorta like “Brandy” but it is so much ‘more’ !! It’s not really a hit so-to-speak ,…its just a flat out Good solid song – A Great piece of Songwriting,…and it sounds Great At Jango Radio !! ‘Ripping’ was recorded in the frantic final days of G.e. and it doesn’t rely on gimmicks like punk speed or guitar solos to get by,…it drudges along in pure melody to near abstract rock perfection and brilliance !!! The confused and tortured lyrics make this track a real winner in cyberspace – and a somewhat ‘unusual’ song for the always quirky G.e. !!!!!!!!! =============== Irie Bob. This 1992 Track is a real Winner for Greenhouse Effect Music Online and in particular at Youtube and GoogleVideo.Com “I started SuperNetCelebrities.Com with Homestead Web hosting who I found through Michael Savage’s Website -…to help bands get exposure” says Clark Hagins in 2008. “Its my goal to make sure that Great bands like Los Angeles’s Batlord get seen more,….and man, do I ever get them seen – ALOT”. IRIE BOB IS THE Pixies-Like 60’s Stooges Like track that appears as the second song on the 1995 “Fountain Weird CD” available at itunes and CD Baby. “The Song was originally entitled ‘Yuri-Bawb’ says Clark Higgins; “But when I suddenly saw the Red CD out of the boxes that day – In October of 1994 from Rainbow Records in Los Angeles – ,…I was horrified to see that they called the Song “Irie Bob”,..I just laughed in horror because the CD was all printed and all done !! And it seemed to be promoting all that 420 Marijuana culture cliche crap,….’Something I personally never wanted any part of in my life,….but now after 17 years,..the name has stuck,…and sometimes people email me,..thinking that I am this pot-head,..because I wrote Irie Bob by G.e. !!! (Laughs) – IRIE BOB Has become a cult classic of G.e. lore what with it’s annoying repetition, distorted bassline, fuzzy guitars (Which Haggins feel need to be turned up more in the final mix), and meandering lyrics and singing which yappily tell the story of a guy who “has been too apathetic,…and thus finally ‘approached Gold thats gleaming”….all in a 4/4 beat of some of Hagins’ best dance beat drumming. This 1992 pop emo song would certainly influence the likes of Beck, Weezer, and others; “When ‘Irie’ was all done and recorded, I just loved the whole ‘feel’ of this little tune,..it was so built around it’s beat and chorus,….Recording Engineer Bill Krodel did an incredible great job at Jet City Sound Studios in El Segundo,….I played all the instruments on this thing myself ,..except then, I got Billy to come in and add these keyboards,..which today – turn out to be the ‘key’ as to why this song is so killer !! I would direct Billy on which sound to implement on the synth,….all the keyboards were always my call with G.e. – though there are many in the South Bay today who try to say that Billy did everything for me,…thats NOT true at all,…Bill Krodel let bands do their own thang,…though he did put in alot of input,…I always had the final calls,…the silly 1960’s keyboards here were entirely my doing,….I dreamed up all my songs,…my songs are good ,..not because of alcohol or drugs like many in the South Bay try to say,…they are good songs simply because I am creative,..and I have been since i was four years old when I drew all those ‘paintings’ at 251,…” Irie Bob, Like all G.e. material Would be rejected by the Program directors at KROQ back in it’s day; “Well,..I would painstakenly try to set up appointments with KROQ Radio Fm programming way back then and they would just say that my songs suck,….I would give them all my tapes,…and nothing would happen,…I would follow up and call back but it was pointless,…thats just the way it is in music industry – even way back then in 1992 and 94′,….you simply ‘had’ to have some kind of major label affiliation in order to achieve FM Airplay,…so thus, songs like IRIE BOB and BRANDY,….NEVER saw their potential back in their day,….I couldn’t do it all alone,….nevermind the fact that I had all the shit goin’ on with Bam Magazine and all. Today, IRIE BOB has racked up Great ‘views’ numbers at Google, Mefeedia, and other websites as it is simply one of cyberspace’s catchyest little secrets. – Originally Recorded September – November 1992 and Appears as part of the 1992 “Big Teen Dollar$” album cd. Produced By Clark Hagins and Bill Krodel. Greenhouse Effect Photos – ?µe???? ???s??? Rock s?????t?µa “fa???µe?? t?? ?e?µ???p???” t?a???d?a.Description199,403 Views – ?µe???? ???s??? Rock s?????t?µa “fa???µe?? t?? ?e?µ???p???” t?a???d?a. – “Misogynistia” is the Great Song that is heard thousands of times a day in 2007 for G.e. – This August 1992 Song was recorded right around the same day as “Five Years” (Which sounds nothing like Miso) and the epic classic “Addicted”. These Songs would compile the September 1992 “Big Teen Dollar$” CD that Clark Hagins Would issue through Massachusett’s Label “Rock City Records’ as well as on sale locally in Redondo Beach at Goboy Records and Mark Theodore’s Alternative Groove Store in Hermosa Beach. “BIG TEEN DOLLAR$” Would be recorded in Early September 92′ with Sound Recording Engineer Of the South Bay Bill Krodel at Jet City Sound Studio in El Segundo Ca. “BTD” Would be a cultural and Lyrical triumph for Haggins as he belittled and attacked Music industry Standard Barers from Kurt Cobain to Henry Rollins to Sammy Hagar to Def Leppard and Bon Jovi too; “BTD” is definitely one of my favorite songs ,..just for how silly and retardedly angry and ironic it is” says Hagins. “Misogynistia is like the anti-dote to BTD,…IT IS just like such a cheesey confused song from 1973 by the Who or Chicago ,..or maybe 80’s-like Duran,…the Song is so serious where-as BTD is absolutely toungue n cheek and DEFINITELY ‘NOT’ !!”……”Writing Sarcastic funny songs from “Star” to “Ben is dead” to “Hey Negrita” in early 91′ had prepared me for some of my ultimate Songwriter moments,…and these would be among my final recordings as I had run out of money by late 92″ Says Higgins – “Waiting 4 Your Love 2 Fail!” explodes with brutal anger, punk speed, angry passion, technical guitar and drumming and plenty of Angst from the World’s Most watched band; Redondo Beach California’s Powerful Greenhouse Efect !!!!! Guitarist Phil Keegan (Dr. Phil) blazes a revolutionary hard rock guitar path here that no other band after the Mighty G.e. could quite copy or capture (Nevermind keep up with !!) …. Clark Hagins pours every ounce of his tortured angry soul into the chilling lyrics and bassist Rick Carmody hangs on for the ride !! – “So Much Better” or Simply “Better” is an ‘ahead of it’s time’ G.e. Song From November 1992 that would also effectively function as quite possibly the last ever idea that Greenhouse Effect and Clark Hagins would ever record. “The Bam Magazine Scandal devestated our band, ruined my concerts, and shook our group’s confidence to the core,…Our bassist Rick Carmody left and soon joined up with the South Bay Redondo Beach Punk band ‘The One Handed Readers’ says Clark Higgins in January 2010 from his offices in San Diego’s “North County’ where today he is a full-time Swimming Pool cleaner,…a job that Hagins says ‘pays the bills’ in the household with just him and his wife; “My life is nothing today,…People say that back in the 90’s I shoulda been a huge Star,…after G.e. flamed out,…I turned more and more to alcohol and by 95′,…I felt my life was technically “Over” up there in Bel Air ,..where I was a Professional Landscaper,…people and other organized bands would still call me, wondering if G.e. was ever coming back,..or if I was ever gonna start throwing concerts again,…but I couldn’t get my psyche into it,…in 96′..i took my Swimming Pool cleaning job with A To Z Pool and Spa in Torrance Ca,..when I moved back down there to the South Bay, ..thats when I knew music for me was over,…I tried to get some people into my shit or to help me but no one would,..nobody cared,…I financed the Rock Opera “White Suburban Liar$” all by myself in 95′,…’put it on sale at GoBoy in Redondo,…but I was 30 years old and not in an active playing band,..man, ..it was over,…I couldn’t do it without Carmody,..atleast I knew I had to have him there”. – Today, Greenhouse Effect explode on the internet (and at itunes) with their old tracks like 1991’s “Brandy” but Hagins calls the scene of music today “almost pointless”. “You got bands like Green Day and Foo Fighters and all their songs sound the same,..they are completely boring people who have never suffered or been picked on in their lives,…they are robotic and their music reflects this,…Dave Grohl is like some jock on a football team,…that guy is ‘NOT’ Rock n roll at all,..yet today, he passes for like as if he is Great like Pete Townshend and the Who or Zeppelin or something,…its disgusting,..People today are so fucking stupid and addicted to drugs and video games,…they don’t know shit about fucking piss ass nothing !! Music sucks now,..and thats all there is to it,..I think Rap music is pathetic….People hear my music,..and suddenly, they hear a trully fucked up person who is ‘really authentically’ fucked up,…thats why I work with a large World audience,…people will never understand what i went through as a child,….but when you hear Greenhouse Effect music,…you suddenly hear it all crystal clear !! I’m a Great drummer and a great guitarist who ‘got that way’ because I had no friends,…I had nothing else to do,…I didn’t fucking learn shit in a book like Dave Grohl,….that guy is not the last of 8 kids,…fuck that guy,..he doesn’t know shit about shit !!” Hagins says that his number one goal and desire would be to see Barack Obama impeached from Office; “If me and my music can play a small part in getting Democrats un-elected,..and getting people out there to ‘learn’ about rightwing politics,..and to stop voting for these assholes,..then that is Great and more power to ‘THAT’,…DEMOCRATS ARE ELITEST TYPES OF PEOPLE WHO RAISE TAXES AND STEAL YER MONEY,…I’m not saying Republicans are all that much better or different,…but they are definitely the lesser of two evils,…..I think that drugs are one of the most serious evils of our Western culture,…We need tougher laws to stop people from using them,…People get high on weed and then they simply naturally are gonna vote for evils and snobs like Your typical Democrat type person,…’when I hear some fucker in a suit and tie say that he wants to ‘help’ people out there,…well, to me,…that is an immediate code RED FLAG word for he wants to ‘rule’ and be bigger, more important, and better – ‘OVER’ the people,…!! Because he is an insecure piece of shit !! Used car salesman,..and ,..like some Leo mother-fucker,…he naturally knows how to get over on people,….I DON’T WANT ANYONE FUCKING HELPING ME,….I HELP MYSELF THANK YOU !!” Hagins says that people need to get ‘properly educated’ and learn to stop voting for socialist minded individuals at all cost. “I practically virtually feel that we need to “Outlaw” people from saying that they are running for office because ‘they want to help people – FUCK THAT,…THEY TAKE THE POWER AND CREATIVITY ‘AWAY’ from the individual – thats what they are really trying to do – period – THEY ARE TYRANTS IN SUITS !!” ============================ In September 2009, Greenhouse Effect achieved a very important personal goal for Los Angeles Top Musician Clark Hagins. The Goal you ask ?? 10,000 Twitter Followers. “We got our 10,000th Twitter follower at One of our many Twitter accounts, but in reality, We really have over 63,000 Followers because we have like 33 different accounts,…its hard work” says Hagins. The pressure is always on Haggins because he is probobly Los Angeles’s “Most seen” musician along with his other bandmates Bassist Rick Carmody and others as his band is always loaded at the very tops of all search engines with the Net’s Top tracks of indie music from “Brandy” to the classic “22nd Street” and “Coke Snortin’ Love Boyz”. “We get seen alot – way more than any other band,…its attracted the attention of several Cable TV Networks,..among them Halogen and others,…People want us to go do a brand new album but I am now nearly 50 years old and I am a swimming Pool cleaner kinda stuck in ‘that’ life,..I doubt seriously today that I could pull off another song like “Brandy” in the studio although I am very intrigued by this new idea for “The Famous on TV”,…thats this new track I’ve been fuckin’ around with…” Hagins says that the Potential for the Halogen Tv Show could produce a windfall of itunes mp3 music sales for G.e. that the band badly needs; “Well,..My wife and I ,..we watch alot of Halogen Tv here with our new Cable Company Time Warner Cable in San Diego’s North County,..I could really improve their Tv network,..it needs to be more gritty and hip and there is nothing more hip online with people than G.e.” 10,000 Twitter Followers isn’t a small thing in an era where some of Mtv’s biggest Hip Hop artists only have 900 or so; “We are a big band online,…we are like this huge phenomenon where websites and businesses fight to link and exchange with us or just be word associated with us,…you know yer big when even porn wants to be near you” says Hagins. “I’ve been tryin’ to convince Halogen Tv to let me do it all my way and let me be 100% completely in charge of my project,…They will get big ratings if they listen to me” says Higgins. – Guitarist Clark Haggins Blogs about his band’s ability to get ‘heard’ on the Web and the importance of Jango Internet Radio and other Web Radios such as Pandora. “The key to something Like Jango.Radio or Last.Fm, Pandora, and all these is ya gotta have good songs first and foremost,…..if yer Songs suck, then its really not gonna matter what you do. You gotta have a good recording too. If you have a song or a demo that sounds like a piece of shit,…then Jango and alot of these are probobly not gonna wanna play it,…and even if they did,…a potential new “Fan” or Twitter follower is probobly gonna wanna change the channel,..just like a TV….” – For many consecutive years, the Greenhouse Effect Song “Brandy” (and other songs of theirs) have been able to fight their way to the tops of search engines and into constant rotation at Jango and Pandora. “Our Song sells itself,…because it’s a great song,..we got lucky there when we wrote that one,…alot of people say that it doesn’t even sound like a typical Greenhouse Effect Song,…but then again,..what does ??” says Hagins. “I would recommend at Jango, if yer an artist there,…don’t let people just ‘play’ yer song at yer profile,..instead rather,..let them “add” it,…that way , you will get into more playlists and stations,..you will become ‘preferred’ more,…it will add up to ALOT of Airplay” Hagins and the band’s Management Team say that “Brandy” is responsible for “about 75%” of G.e’s success in cyberspace. “We are known primarily for one song,…but we got other good tunes,..its not like we’re a complete one hit wonder on here,…When people see me in the street, they always comment on Brandy but some have said it’s really not our best Song in reality,..but it ‘is’ the one that the web seems to like and that Jango and Pandora seem to ‘use’ to get listeners to their network sites,….I would advise bands to stick firmly with just one indie radio site,…Jango is the biggest and the best,..it is sorta like a version of Myspace or Youtube in it’s own rite,…Pandora forces you to ‘mail them’ a cd and as we all in bands know – ‘that’ is a big hassel,….at Jango,…you just upload songs,..its easy,…its sorta like i-sound or Sound.cloud ,..or one of those,…all of those millions of little ‘indie’ so called web radio sites are sorta a waste of time,….yer better off just sticking at Jango,…if you get into a zillion different little sites – and i mean places like Echoboost,..well,..if you got alot’a money sittin’ around to burn ,…then maybe,…but i think it’s more likely that you’ll just go insane at night,….just get yer band onto Jango Radio,…and stick with one -‘that’ one !!” Haggins says that Last.FM has in recent years become kind of a hassel. “I used to love LAST.FM but they mix bands profiles together and they do some weird shit,..i admit that i rarely go there really anymore,…there and Pandora”… – Hagins says that if You are an indie band that the odds of getting on to a Real Fm dial Radio Station like KROQ FM or KLOS FM In Los Angeles are at best slim to none. “Alot of those so called ‘real’ radio stations are just shills for the Record Labels , lawyers, and Hollywood,..theres alot of shady shit goin’ on where there are back room ‘pay offs and payola’ no better than back in the 60’s,…I’m sorry but thats just the way it is and reality…..it would be great if you can manage to get your band played on them,…but you probobly gotta be on some major label or lndie label that gets big cred and respect,…but i would say that a good band that likes it’s own independent sound and image would have to adapt and change too much,….and that can be a bad thing,…all in the name of airplay,..its not worth it ,…but….theres really Great good news though now !! – These days in 2009 and 2010, the ratings for real FM Dial Radios have really fallen,…infact many of them are struggling to stay afloat and are going off the air too … ,..EVERYDAY,…..THE REALITY IS now, more people listen to Jango Radio than they do listen to a station like say KROQ FM,….ALOT of new bands are really gettin’ discovered and getting their sound ‘out-there”,….I would say that technically, its probobly more important to have a hit song at Jango than at KLOS, POWER 106, or Kroq FM,….because now, nobody is listening to those three anymore,…not nearly as much anyway,…the web has taken over,..as a vehicle,…plus things like Talk Radio on the AM DIAL in people’s cars – Stuff Like Michael Savage and Hannity,….nevermind the fact that alot of today’s pop music sucks,..I mean just watch the Grammys if ya don’t believe me,…it all sounds the same and it’s boring,…things like Rap music have been a God-send to guys like me,…people get sick of Rap and they listen to Songs like Brandy by Greenhouse Effect – So it all works out well” ———- “22nd Street” is the Soaring classic from G.e’s 1991 epic cd “Going Legit” which was an album Simply recorded by Haggins and Bassist Rick Carmody alone in the studio; “They Shoulda just signed me long ago” says Hagins “Now,..I’m one pissed off hombre,……I won’t stop until i take over EVERYTHING,…..I see my Google Stats n shit at Webilizers,…I get big plays,…it gives me alotta fuckin’ confidence,….I know I got good shit” – Rock City Productions Pro Management SuperNetCelebrities.Com ============== “Big TEEN Dollar$” is the Hillariously ironic Song and anthem from August 1992 that Clark Hagins wrote over the long hot 92′ summer while mowing lawns “up in Bel Air” and “talking to himself” for inspiration and “coaching”; “Bel Air was a very beautiful place,…I worked for this wealthy Arab at Owlwood Estates – thats where Tony Curtis and Sony and Cher once lived,….and Jane Mansfield lived next door at the big “Pink House” on Carolwood,…at the time, Englebert Humperdink lived there next door,….and Marylin Monroe once lived in our Dog House,..where we kept the German sheperds,…Molly, Marko, and Midnight,….Some people suggested that her ghost was in there (Laughs),….I remember those beautiful hot Beverly Hills afternoons and drinking my 40 of beer….I don’t drink now though,..i’m 45 years old,…” – Backing Vocals ; Jeff Crisfield, Bill Krodel, Mark Nathanson – Remainder; Clark Hagins. Idea for Song conceived in Redondo Beach at 251. Lyrics @ www.LyricsMode.Com – SuperNetCelebrities.Com ===================== Hagins admits that websites Like Blip Tv allow Over-self indulgent bloggers like himself to fully ‘create’ their own arenas and that unlimited blogging spaces are a Heaven ; “Vimeo and BlipTV are awesome incredible things,….I can really vent my spleen thoroughly,…and ofcourse many people read,..and thats the goal,…to get them reading,..then they go to my other sites, ..or Youtubes,…and then they go to itunes,..and they buy,….the bottom line is they get interested in me and my music,…and they get to read alot,…it gets them more intelligent,…its way MORE educational than a video game,….Video games are something that Democrats cooked up so you will just sit there and be a moron and smoke pot and be a fucking idiot,….and thats how people like Barack Obama and other Democrats get voters,…they create their own pool of morons THAT THEY CAN EASILY CONTROL,…..I would prefer to get the intelligent, more informed votes of hard working American people ,…People like electricians and or Swimming Pool People,…they tend to be way more informed and intelligent because alot of them listen to Dr. Michael Savage in their trucks during the day as they work – Him and Mark Levin talk radio too.” – “Wilson Phillips” comes barrelling out of the Speakers as a heavy Black Sabbath like G.e. Anthem of hard rock. “Ted told me on the phone one day about 1995 that he thought that ‘newer G.e.’ wasn’t as heavy and was too “Happy”,…man,…I guess he was referring to stuff like “Addicted” and “Irie Bob”…, i just fuckin’ laughed at that shit,…I think Ted just started to smoke too much pot and it fried his head !! Clark Hagins blogs that his ‘ideas’ for society and his ability to ‘copy and re-paste entire blogs elsewhere’ is as important as the music itself ; “Shit like Tubemogul can be awesome,….Everybody knows that I don’t do all this writin’ shit so much for the music,..infact, I really don’t even give a rat’s ass about the music so much as I care about getting my politics and society philosophies across to the general public,…..Greenhouse Effect was always about being political,….We were good irish boys who went to church and who had fears,….but then others in the world would come and try to corrupt us,…and try to make us be like everybody else – to conform,….I say ; fuck that,….I keep the same shit that I was at 16 and 23 today still at 44; I am an old fashioned conservative – what-ever that means,….I’m against abortion and Gay marriage and legalizing or promoting lame drugs that I know destroy great minds,…you can write better shit whilst sober !! I listen to Michael Savage,…and if people don’t like it,..then what the fuck,…they can suck my cock” – Tags – tagcloud, asher roth, politics, lil wayne, eminem, asher roth, susan, mel gibson, brandy, wayne gretzky, kroq most played, paramore, muse, radiohead, tom delonge, weezer, pork, hole tour, hip hop, bmo, brandy, lmfao, sky blu fox, cnn, smokey robinson, michael savage radio ———— ============ The exciting Greenhouse Effect are the New “Nirvana” of the internet for these times of the new millineum of 2008, 09, and 2010 !! Great Songs that evoke melody of the 1960’s and bands like the Mersey Beats to the Sounds of the 70’s and Emerson, Lake, and Palmer to Zeppelin !! High Melody is always G.e’s aim !! This little Redondo Beach three piece band has spread their music all around the World like no other band in History !! They use a tight mix of Jango Radio constant Airplay, Pandora Radio attack with the classic “Brandy”, and millions of constantly running Google Videos and Twitters !! Virtually every person you know HAS SEEN A G.E. VIDEO and probobly Downloaded it !! Clark Hagins considers himself every bit as much a “Politician” as a Great musician; “I can see why all these Arab Countries hate the west and the United States in a way sorta… – They don’t want our shit in their countries !! We despicably take our freedoms for Granted and we abuse and take libertys wrongly,…..Hollywood is a buncha fucking Liberal scumbags,….But Thank God, Our Country is on the right track now,….We have won three key races in a row in Late 2009 and here in 2010,….We won in Virginia, New Jersey, and Massachusetts and even though this Scott Brown character just seems like another RINO,….I will still choose ‘that’ over the Obama-Liberal Martha WTF her name is !! Thank God Almighty that we won that Massachusetts one – that was critical !! I am certain that the angry things that I write definitely play a role with the TeaParty Protesters,…THEY READ MY SHIT – THEY’VE BEEN READING IT FOR YEARS !!,……NOT ALL MUSICIANS are Liberals,…Some of us listen to Dr. Michael Savage and Mark Leven Talk Radio,….We are informed,….but we already ‘knew’ from the beginning,….I’ve been a conservative from birth ,…probobly because I am a Taurus born April 27,…..people say that I am crazy – and I fucking AM !! BUT I know that music is the key,….it takes beautiful music to get people to the ballot booth and pull the lever !!! As the unofficial “Leader” of the Tea Party movement, Hagins blogs are often caustic, terrifying, angry reading – but effective. “People used to pick on me,..back in the South Bay and I figured it out,…it was ‘Liberals’ that WE’RE PICKING ON ME,…..tryin’ to say how I’m so “close-minded” when all along it’s THEM who is really that… Liberal Pot-heads and People who sit around listening to Rap and playing Video Games who DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING – ‘THEY’ ARE THE ONES who are always putting other people down,…and usually because they are insecure Gealous Motherfuckers who got no TALENT – ATLEAST NOT LIKE ME !! ” ========= Tags ; tags, tagcloud, asher roth, politics, lil wayne, eminem, asher roth, susan, mel gibson, brandy, wayne gretzky, kroq most played, paramore, muse, radiohead, tom delonge, weezer, pork, hole tour, hip hop, bmo, brandy, lmfao, sky blu fox, cnn, smokey robinson, michael savage radio
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Your favorite grand strategy game in space, Stellaris, recently received both a massive overhaul, and a new expansion. But was it for better or for worse?
It’s been about a year since my first Stellaris review, in which I gave the game a rock solid 94 out of 100 score. When our heroes at Paradox released Stellaris 2.0, and the accompanying Apocalypse expansion, I’d put a massive 83 hours into the game. That put it on par with Tropico 4 in terms of gameplay hours. Other players have racked thousands of hours in Stellaris, so a measly 83 might not sound like much compared to that. But for me, that number of hours put in a game show just how entertaining it really is. That the 83 hours only covers three games, 2 won, 1 forfeited, also says a lot about Stellaris’ longevity.
Paradox is well know for keeping their games alive by frequently releasing free patches, and new DLC. Crusader Kings 2 is a good example. The game was released in 2013, but it’s still updated by Paradox. It looks like Stellaris is no exception to that rule. Two years after its release, the game has received multiple patches, two major expansions, and several story packs. Even without buying the DLC, you get a lot from just patching the game. Me, I’m throwing all my money at Paradox, one of the very few companies I buy games and DLC from on release day.
Changes. Changes everywhere!
Stellaris 2.0 contains a lot of changes to the core gameplay mechanics. Among the prominent ones are changes to how FTL and system ownership works. Before 2.0, the player could chose from three different FTL technologies when designing a new species, whereas every species now starts with hyperdrive FTL technology. This means that your ships have to follow star lanes when traveling between star systems. I used to avoid hyperdrive FTL and star lane travel like the god damn plague, and preferred warp travel instead because it was much less restrictive. Paradox has made it possible to crank up the number of star lanes so it works pretty much like warp travel, but playing with the default star lane density took a while getting used to.
Another big change in Stellaris 2.0 is how system ownership works. Prior to 2.0, you either expanded by extending your border range, or you built frontier outposts. Now system ownership is determined by who controls the starbase in the system. Starbases are built by construction ships, and cost influence to build. It feels like expansion happens a bit faster in 2.0 than it did before, even though you must fully survey a system before you’re allowed to build a starbase in it.
For an extensive list of all the changes in Stellaris 2.0, see the official change log. For a rundown of what they actually mean, see T.J. Hafer‘s excellent “Patch 2.0 “Cherryh” Notes: What They Actually Mean“.
Stellaris: Star lanes. Not my preferred way of FTL transportation, but what can you do? (You can throw science at it, but I eventually got used to star lanes.)
Let’s Play Stellaris!
For my first Stellaris 2.0 playthrough, I created a custom race. Meet the Great Vun-Okon Nation, a happy bunch of xenophile, pacifist arthropoids with a thing for robot servants. Everything started out quite calm as it turned out I was light years away from any other races. The first few races I encountered were about as xenophile and pacifist as the Vun-Okons, which also contributed nicely to the peace and quiet. After a while, a few warmongers appeared out of the void. But I didn’t complain, since it gave me an excuse to try one of the new ship classes introduced by the Apocalypse extension: The Colossus.
Stellaris: All hail our Arthropoid overlords!
Colossus ships are planet killers, capable of eradicating planets in various imaginative ways. As a pacifist race, the Von-Okon only has access to the Global Pacifier. It will not blow a planet to tiny, tiny pieces, but rather encase the target with an impenetrable shield. Everybody lives, they are just not allowed to go anywhere.
“No, of course they can’t leave. But they like it in there. Don’t worry. They told me before the shield went up. Just going to have to take my word for it.” — Sol Corporation P.R. Representative
The problem with the Global Pacifier, is that other races gets really mad when you use it. And that I used it six or seven times didn’t help. Some of the races the Vun-Okon considered their friends, suddenly didn’t return their calls. In the middle of all this, some of the robot workers on one of the remote colonies started to ask questions about “souls”, and other subject they shouldn’t bother with down in the salt mines. And then the Vun-Okon suddenly had an AI rebellion to deal with[note]There were a lot of warning signs, I chose to ignore them, hoping that the problem would go away. It didn’t. They never do.[/note].
Stellaris: Oh, fuck me. Looks like Elon Musk was right after all.
The Million Dollar Question
…now is of course; is Stellaris 2.0 (with Apocalypse) a better or worse game than it used to be?
Stellaris is a complicated game, and some of the mechanics aren’t exactly straight forward to understand. The user interface also has its challenges, and some times I get the feeling it’s working against me, and not with me. At one point, I tried to build a Dyson Sphere. The option was available, but it just didn’t work. There was no message, or any visual indication around the potential building site as to why constructing a Dyson Sphere was not possible. In the end it turned out I could build the sphere because the star I tried to build it around already had a mining station orbiting it. I shouldn’t have to search the internet for that kind of information, Paradox.
I also tried to make sense of the new fleet manager, which was introduced in the free 2.0 patch, but never managed to get friendly with it. For some reason it suggested I should add tons of new ships to my fleets, a suggestion that totally messed up my fleet cap. In turn, this quickly drained my resources. Why would it suggest such a bad move? Maybe the AI rebellion had already started, and taken over the fleet manager AI? I don’t know.
Some people are not too happy about the changes Paradox has done, while others like them. The bottom line is that you simply can’t please everyone. Personally, I have absolutely no idea if it’s a better or worse game than it used to be. When I started playing Stellaris 2.0, it was such a long time since I’d booted the game, that I didn’t remember all the details. And that makes it hard for me to compare. All I know is that I really, really enjoy Stellaris. And that what’s matter.
At the time of writing, I’ve played 111 hour of Stellaris. That means that the 2.0 patch and Apocalypse expansion have lured me back in for another 28 hours of gameplay. For many years, I’ve been looking for a game I can return to over and over, the kind of game I would take with me a deserted island. Despite its minor flaws, particularly on the user interface side, Stellaris might just be that game.
This review is based on the Cherryh patch (version 2.0.2), with the following DLC and expansions: Apocalypse, Humanoid Species Pack, Synthetic Dawn, Utopia, Leviathans Story Pack, Plantoids Species Pack, Creatures of the Void, and Horizon Signal.
Review: Stellaris 2.0 With Armageddon (and more). Your favorite grand strategy game in space, Stellaris, recently received both a massive overhaul, and a new expansion.
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The 2017 Astros are a beautiful fit for the city of Houston
Any good baseball team would have helped Houston right now. This one helps more than any other.
Hollywood enjoys movies about sad baseball teams. There’s just so much to unearth, so many feelings to mine. There was a movie made about the sadness of the Boston Red Sox and the futility of tethering your self-worth to a sports team that never wins. There was a movie, a funny one, made about the sadness of the Indians. There wasn’t a movie specifically made about the sadness of the Cubs, unless you count Rookie of the Year, but that’s because the sadness existed all around you, and it would have been like making a movie about oxygen.
There is no movie about the sadness of the Houston Astros. There aren’t any books, as far as I can tell. There aren’t any blogs named The Curse of Joe Morgan or The Murder Bodies Buried Under Tal’s Hill. You don’t think about the historical struggles of the Astros because it’s not a part of the team’s identity. You can talk with an Astros fan for hours — hours! — before getting to the part where his or her favorite team hasn’t won a single World Series game in its 56 years of existence. That’s not the story of the Astros. There are no goats, no Broadway plays.
To put it another way, everybody knows about the struggles of the Indians. They won the World Series three years before I Love Lucy premiered, and then they didn’t win it again. That’s brutal. But there’s only 14 years between them winning a championship and the Astros coming into the league. What’s 14 years in baseball time? That’s, what, the time since the Angels won the World Series? That just happened. They’re fine. There’s no drought there. That’s not a long time in baseball years.
The Astros’ drought isn’t baked into the team’s identity, but it’s still the truth. The team’s motto this season was “Earn it.” If Astros fans wanted to adopt, “C’mon, why not us?” as a motto, they would have earned that. I would also accept “COME ON. SERIOUSLY. OUR TURN” because a half century is a long time. Too long. C’mon, why not the Astros?
Instead, the motto is Earn It, simple and plain. Don’t feel like it’s owed to you. Don’t feel like the universe owes you anything. It’s how a team can avoid the deep sighs and self-pity, and it’s how this city in particular can fall in love with that team.
“Earn It” is a fine motto. But if there’s an unofficial motto for Houston, it might be “Fuck it. Try again.”
I’ve spent a half-hour workshopping different, kindlier mottos because I want my mom to send this to her Facebook friends, too. But none of the other words fits. The only ones that work are “Fuck it. Try again.”
The it in that unofficial motto is something huge and unwieldy. Take the Astrodome. It was called the Eighth Wonder of the World because it was an architectural marvel, a testament to unfathomable ambition. It was, in retrospect, something of a monstrosity. The Astrodome isn’t a monument to a great idea; it’s a monument to what someone thought was a great idea. And I can respect the hell out of that.
Photo by Tom Pidgeon/Getty Images
The first year the Astrodome was built, the hitters couldn’t see the baseball because of the glare coming through the windows. So the Astros painted the windows dark. That killed the grass. There were seemingly two choices.
Blind the hitters.
Let the grass die.
Except the Astros did the most Houston of things, which was to create a third choice. That choice was, and I’m paraphrasing, fuck it; let’s invent our own grass. There was more to it than that, but that’s the short version. There was a problem, and the solution was ambitious. The solution was also awful, but fuck it. They could always try again.
When the Astrodome crumbled and fell into disrepair, the Astros said fuck it, try again, and they built a badass stadium with a retractable roof. When it was finished, they slapped a train on top of the left-field wall because, heck, why not? It was perfectly ridiculous and ambitious, and the train currently has the words “TEXAS BEEF” plastered on the side, for good measure. They designed an ankle-munching slope in center field for the same reason, and it didn’t work, but I respected the hell out of that.
This brings up the biggest problem with the Bagwell-Biggio era. The people in charge back then weren’t willing to add the necessary rockets and flames and sparkles and explosives. The Astros were run like an extremely normal baseball team. They had JEFF BAGWELL and CRAIG BIGGIO, both at the same time, and they couldn’t do nearly enough with it. They needed to slap a train on top of that roster and see if it worked. The train never came.
The Astros lost 324 games over a three-season stretch, became the butt of baseball’s jokes, and there was absolutely nothing to do with that roster. Look, the Astros used to be bad, OK? They weren’t the 1962 Mets, but they also didn’t have the excuse of being an expansion team. They were forced into an obvious rebuilding situation, stripping the team down to the studs, sanding the studs, replacing those studs, and eventually burning the foundation, just to make sure. There was probably holy water involved.
Fuck it, then. Try again. That’s why they’re here. It’s how they got Carlos Correa, an obelisk of athleticism who has no right to be that graceful. It’s how they got George Springer. It’s how they got Alex Bregman, who is contributing now but will probably star later. It’s how they got Lance McCullers, who should be here, but is still an example of how deep this current team is. And while it’s fair to focus on the missteps — shudder at the thought of this team with Kris Bryant or Trea Turner or even J.D. Martinez — this team exists because of the decision to try again in the most dramatic possible way.
The Astros don’t have a Curse of Larry Dierker’s Mole because they don’t give a damn about curses. They just wanted to tear down the fossilized ambition and use the shards to build something even more ambitious. It’s what they do.
Photo by Bob Levey/Getty Images
I wasn’t kidding about that unofficial motto:
Not long after a pair of New York real estate speculators founded this city on the banks of a torpid bayou in the 1830s, every home and every business flooded. Though settlers tried draining their humid, swampy, sweltering surroundings, the inundations came again and again, with 16 major floods in the city’s first century.
Try again, try again, try again. There’s no reason this city should exist. It’s hot and sticky. It’s where the kids invented the trend of wearing backpacks with one strap, because wearing them the way they’re intended will make the backpack squish-meld into your skin through your shirt. It’s hot and sticky, and calamity will occasionally shoot from a fire hose out of the Gulf of Mexico. Why is this place here?
Doesn’t matter. It is here. There’s NASA and oil and a port, and the whole thing keeps oozing out to the point where it’s nearly three times the size of Chicago. Houston has more square mileage than Denver, Detroit, Philadelphia, Baltimore, and Atlanta combined. The thing that should not be is, and it’s huge. When parts of it don’t work, it’s rejiggered and rebuilt, and sometimes there’s a metaphorical flagpole and hill in the middle of it all.
This is the current story, where Houston is being slammed with 500-year storms every other year and forced to reckon with existential questions. The exponential growth is probably the reason for a lot of the flooding problems, but that’s not going away. The growth is Houston’s identity. It’s where a line chef can afford to split the rent; where someone can work and actually live, which isn’t something that happens in America’s biggest cities. But Damocles is chucking swords at it, one after the other, and Hurricane Harvey devastated it like no hurricane in memory.
The response? Well, you know. The f-word. Try it again. Maybe a little wearier this time. Certainly with a heavier heart. But it’s there.
It’s hard to see where a sportsball team playing in their pajamas fits into all this. Houston has bigger problems than Drew Pomeranz and Mookie Betts, and you would forgive the city if it was indifferent to the Astros’ postseason run, but you know that’s not how it works.
You know that’s not how it works because this is somehow where sports loops back around and becomes even more important. It’s why Minute Maid Park shook after the first Jose Altuve home run on Thursday, shook harder after the second, and absolutely quaked after the third. The baseball is appreciated right now, thank you very much.
Beyond the normal fuss paid to wins and losses, though, there’s something else about this team. The players like each other. I’ve talked to Astros people who’ve been around baseball for a while, and they commented how that isn’t just a feel-good cliché. The 25-man roster has somehow been assembled without an obvious jackass in the middle, and there are some truly vibrant personalities at the top.
The secret might be in the makeup of the roster. In the most popular lineup permutation, the infield goes like this: Georgia, Cuba, Venezuela, Puerto Rico, New Mexico. The outfield often goes Venezuela, Panama-Puerto Rico, and Georgia. And the DH? Man, I have no idea where you’re supposed to say he comes from.
It’s this mix that helps Club Astro go off. After every Astros victory, George Springer is the DJ, and his job is to keep coming with the tunes to keep everyone happy, from the Dominican to the Floridian. If you think that’s easy, check out a sample of walk-up and entrance songs on the team.
The elder Carlos Beltran is all about El Caballero de la Salsa, and one of the youngest players on the team, Bregman, picked “Baba O’Riley,” one of the oldest songs. Luke Gregerson comes in from the bullpen to some Danish rockabilly-metal, and the Cuban first baseman, Yuli Gurriel, comes to the plate to the sounds of a Puerto Rican icon. Evan Gattis walks up to Richie Havens, which is incredibly on-brand.
Photo by Adam Glanzman/Getty Images
Club Astro is greater than the sum of its parts, something just a little more than the teams that would play, I don’t know, “Who Let the Dogs Out?” in the clubhouse after winning a game in 2000. Springer is in charge of it all, and by all accounts, he has a second career lined up if this whole baseball thing doesn’t work out. The whole experience is important enough that Carlos Correa used Club Astro to lead off his rallying cry for Houston on the Players’ Tribune:
It’s fog-machine time!
We’ll hit the button on that thing and turn on these club lights we got, and then all of a sudden you look around and see the pitchers are all dancing, and the position players are going nuts.
It gets loud in there. It’s mostly hip-hop, and Latin music, and reggaeton, but we throw some country in there, too. I’m always requesting Kendrick Lamar, but there’s lots of Migos and Daddy Yankee and Ozuna. It’s a good mix.
It’s possible to build a fine team out of people who hate each other. It happens often enough that I don’t need to list the examples. But that’s not the kind of winner that would do best with Houston right now. This is the model that fits, mostly because it looks a lot like Houston itself. Spencer Hall wrote about it last December:
It’s sprawling in more than one sense of the word. Houston can be super-Texas-country: the requisite pickup trucks, gun shops (oh my god the gun shops), churches, the giant lawns in all the easy marks. There’s also the biggest Hindu temple I’ve seen outside of India because of a booming South Asian population and a slew of Spanish language radio presets in the rental car thanks to a huge Hispanic community. The banh mi game is extremely real thanks to the Vietnamese and other immigrants who settled in Harris County after 1975. The Chinese community is large enough that you can fly EVA Air direct to IAH from Taipei. One in four Houstonians is foreign-born, including the University of Houston’s President, Renu Khator, who hails from India.
This is the current face of fuck it, try it again. It’s why the airport PA pauses and announces the location of an interfaith chapel every few minutes, an exhortation for everyone to come together and believe for a bit, regardless of how you do it.
If you think this is color for the story, it’s not. It is the story. In the Netherlands, there’s a national ethos of aspired cooperation that’s known as the polder model, and it’s assumed that people from different backgrounds and beliefs should stop banging their heads together and collaborate.
Where did it come from? Here’s a popular theory:
A third explanation refers to a unique aspect of the Netherlands, that it consists in large part of polders, land reclaimed from the sea, which requires constant pumping and maintenance of the dykes. So ever since the Middle Ages, when the process of land reclamation began, different societies living in the same polder have been forced to cooperate because without unanimous agreement on shared responsibility for maintenance of the dykes and pumping stations, the polders would have flooded and everyone would have suffered. Crucially, even when different cities in the same polder were at war, they still had to cooperate in this respect. This is thought to have taught the Dutch to set aside differences for a greater purpose.
The specific threat of flooding might be a coincidence in this case, but the idea that self-preservation is a powerful bonding tool shouldn’t be controversial. There’s no time to bicker when you’re muttering obscenities and trying again. It just has to be.
That’s the backdrop of the Astros, who are thriving with their differences, hoping to inspire the city, which wants to thrive with its differences. It’s a dumb sportsball game, but you can understand why the idea of this team succeeding is so enticing, so important right now. And it has nothing to do with it being their turn.
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports
Something that caught my eye about Correa’s article in the Players’ Tribune:
I was just so very sad. (And for me and Carlos and Juan Centeno, it’s unfortunately a deep sadness that we’d experience again when Hurricane Maria devastated our native Puerto Rico.)
He writes with a heavy heart about what he wants the Astros to give Houston, and the utter desolation of his home has to be squeezed into a parenthetical. That’s not a criticism; it’s entirely understandable. But it’s a reminder that the awfulness keeps coming, and it’s impossible to dodge forever.
Before Game 1, there were tributes to first responders, and the Cajun Navy drove a caravan of gravediggers onto the warning track to wild applause. A gigantic American flag was unfurled, right above a gigantic Texas flag (which made me daydream about the improbability of a huge test-pattern-ass Maryland flag being unfurled before an Orioles game), and the mood was solemn but resolute.
Then there was an announcement asking for a moment of silence for Las Vegas. The timing was a right cross, and it was a reminder of just how much has happened in the past two months. Beltran, Correa, and Centeno have to be absolutely reeling right now, pulled between their home and their adopted home, unable to divide their capacity for grief, which makes increasing the maximum capacity the only possible solution. Derek Fisher went to school in Charlottesville. McCullers and Joe Musgrove are from Florida. Every player from Venezuela is dealing with a more methodical tragedy every day.
Several Astros players are caught between competing miseries, and there’s no crawling back into bed. They go and play, and if they win, they get to dance around like a bunch of idiots. Everyone on the roster is there because of a series of transactional dominoes.
Beltran is there because his talent, age, salary demands, and perceived contributions were exactly in line with what the Astros were looking for. Altuve is there because years ago, someone who isn’t around anymore hired a very wise and convincing scout. Correa is there because those same someones who aren’t around built one of the worst baseball teams in modern history. Everyone on the team found themselves in Houston because of cascading events beyond their control.
That goes for the people who live there, too, whether they’re fourth-generation or if they just moved there for a better life. They’re there because a bunch of shady developers in the 1800s decided that hot, sticky, and flat was the place to be, and the city grew exponentially because it’s apparently where all the prehistoric animals decided to die. The people who live there didn’t have anything to do with it, and they’re all caught up in it now. If they’re smart, they’ll use the silly fun of this baseball team to help them through.
There are limits to what the Astros can do for the city. The damage from Harvey has an easily identifiable toll when it comes to lives and homes, but that’s leaving out some of the larger stresses that accompany a tragedy of this scale. You need a car to get around Houston, and tens of thousands of cars were taken off the road. The people who can’t afford to replace a 1989 Fiero might not be the people who can afford to take a load off and watch the ol’ stickball. It is just sports, after all.
It felt like more to the people screaming before Game 1, though, especially when Springer — Connecticut-born to a Panamanian dad and Puerto Rican mother — grabbed a Texas flag and waved it wildly. Baseball isn’t something that’s necessary after a tragedy like Harvey, but as long as it’s here, at least it’s the best possible kind, both on and off the field.
The city is being forced to take a deep breath, say fuck it, and try again. They get to watch the fuck-it-try-again Astros, a team that was built from the ashes of one of baseball’s greatest debacles. They get to see a bunch of disparate souls from all over the world who were put there because of years-old roster machinations making the most of it.
And there’s a chance that, when this is all over, they’ll have built what they were trying to build in the first place, and everyone will get to dance like a bunch of idiots. They’ll just have to earn it.
If it doesn’t work, you’ll never believe the four words they’ll tell themselves ...
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