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#also I am literally 20 years old you're being insane
trans-xianxian · 2 years
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my older sister gives me stupid unwanted life advice, I feel an unbridled sense of rage
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yourthirdparent · 2 months
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OH MY GOD okay so a beloved follower of mine sent me an ask about my tristan mclean headcanons like in december but i accidentally deleted !!!!!!! the fuckcing ask !!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i'm making it a post. hope you don't mind. also sorry for the wait
most of my thoughts are things i can not share on this blog (this is the Normal blog for Normal things and not the fucked up torture i subject this man to on a regular basis. tbf i hardly post about it on the Bad Posts blog either but like still. can share it on ao3 though check out sleep by imjustheretoreadonefic (don't do that it's not good)) but you can ask about that (if you want, which you probably won't because it is not most people's thing lmao) on my sideblog, yourfourthparent!! BUTBUTBUT i do have some thoughts and headcanons and such that are at the very least decently presentable!!!!
starting off first: i think he's bi! i think he figured out he was bi when he was pretty young (probably somewhere in his teenage years, probably like 15 max) and when he was in his 20s he was very involved in the queer community (his 20s being. in the 80s. sorry.) and was like a big activist. that is until the curse.
the curse being him hitting his big break. stars in some film that wasn't supposed to really blow up but it like Fucking Smashed and suddenly he was like all those guys who do one role and then are suddenly in Everything. cuz he sure is in literally everything. once he starts blowing up ofc he's got folks to help manage his image and at some point they're like haha [lip bite] you gotta stop with that gay shit or straight audiences won't find you marketable. you're already native and folks can hardly handle that let alone you being an active queer activist. you gotta cut that shit out so you can be the next batman or whatever. and tristan's like Well at least i'll make money to support myself and my dying father!
newsflash his father dies of cancer before he gets a chance. tristan's doing his best to avoid thinking about his father's death so he moves out of oklahoma blah blah yk how it goes.
he has piper when he's 33 ! everything's set and he's settled and then piper comes along and like. he's alright. he can handle this. he can be a good father (he's white knuckling the bathroom sink while he says this)
yeah he's terrified of being a shitty father. he does his best to keep her away from the press and keep her Okay for the most part but in order to do that he doesn't get to see her much etc etc. you know. you've read hoo. bleh
when piper starts dating jason he's like Oh cool ! i am about to break down ! cuz like. hey man. he is so not prepared for the reality of The Passage of Time. wdym his daughter is 16. fym tristan's almost fifty. that's so fucked up how is this allowed.
anyways he and jason are like Besties (*shoving my Bad posts to the side*) like they're such good friends they hang out so often even after jason and piper break up they're just Hiding it then. like they have weekly chess meetings and they talk about books and their lives and jason concerns tristan So Much oh my god tristan is so scared for this poor boy What are those tattoos young man Who are these "wolves" that raised you What is this "legion" Are you in a gang Little private school boy are you in a gang. What do you mean your first language is latin.
ngl my obsession with tristan came from my obsession with jason. i made a post like ages ago about how silly it'd be if tristan was jason's gay awakening and i just kept. thinking about them hanging out. and it spiralled and now i'm insane about him sorry. jason will always be my number one but Oohhhhh tristan consumes me.
anyways live tristan reaction when he finds out jason's mom is beryl grace in the middle of showing jason and piper a million old movies (beryl is in one and jason sees her and immediately freezes and tristan's just talking through the movie (hes silly sorry he talks through the whole thing. piper actually likes it because she has a hard time following movies so tristan explaining everything is good but jason is vaguely annoyed by it. he loves tristan to death don't get him wrong it's just that he can't concentrate on the kovie with tristan spitting fun facts a million words a second) when he looks over to see if theyre still watching and he just sees piper fretting over jason who's looking at the screen with a thousand gard stare.
let's go misc things that i want to mention somewhere but don't really fit uhhhh
i have this idea where tristan used to be a drag queen. i don't have any of the details down not a single one but i think about him talking to piper and her friends about the old days when he was a queen. mentions something offhandedly about how he wants to wear more feminine clothing and someone's like "oh are you like. yk. a gamer" and he's like "oh nonono i'm not trans trust me i explored my gender plenty, wore makeup, padded my bra, did drag for a few years, changed my name—" and they're like "you did DRAG ???" and he's like "OH yeah LOLZ i was terrible lol. my team keeps trying to bury it from public view for a reason. those looks were NOT serving !!!!" (he doesn't talk like that but i'm being silly rn)
(you just knoooooow jason was jaw on the floor immediately looking up TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN PERSONA NAME TRISTAN MCLEAN DRAG QUEEN TRISTAN MCLEAN— the SECONDDDD he got a chance. like staring so hard at old ass pictures of tristan doing drag and realising like Oh maybe i am bi. piper dumped him because she found his search history /j)
i think when his father died he cut his hair but then when it started growing long again it reminded him too much of the past that he Didn’t Want To Think About so he just. kept it short. and it's been short ever since. BUTBUTBUT when piper decides she wants to reconnect with her culture (which she's been mostly separate from because of tristan's own avoidance of it due to memories of his childhood and his father and blahblahblah) it sort of motivates him to do it too. like if piper's gonna do it after tristan entirely cut her from their culture then like. he can too. and it was a big part of his life when he was younger so like. he knows shit. i'm not good at this btw sorry i just have ideas UGSFHADGSF but anyways when piper starts reconnecting he decides to do it too and his first step with like Getting Comfortable again is growing his hair out. it's a smaller step yk he just doesn't cut his hair it's nothing active. (ofc when it starts getting properly long he has a few moments. he has to really confront his grief over his father's death and just the fear of that alone is enough to make him want to cut it again. piper stops him before he does but he has a few moments where he questions if it's worth it)
ik i just said earlier that he's not trans but like sometimes. with characters. i have headcanons that complety contradict each other. that is to say Transfem tristan mclean headcanon. she changes her name to t. just T. t wynn mclean. she goes by t cuz it's something she's already used to (jason called her that all the time before she came out).
these are all the ones i have off the top of my head agh pleaseplease feel free to ask more about any of these !!! (or critique them lmao half of them are. things i suck at explaining because they exist only for hyperspecific scenarios wherein nothing happens but tristan talking to jason or piper LMAO) you can also send in your own headcanons about him or jason or piper because EYE WANT TO READ MORE ABOUT THEM RAAAAGHHH seriously there's so little stuff that features him especially and if you have literally anything at all i would lovelovelove to read it all !!!!!!! sorry for deleting the ask btw i really didn't mean to LMAO sorry to my honourary mutual (i'd tag you but i'm afraid of misremembering who it was LMAO sorry mate 💔💔)
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practicingbushiho · 8 months
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Doma Art Party 2023 Afterword
So, I think maybe it might be corny for me to do something like a thank you or an open letter or an afterword so to speak for an art party. And normally, I think I'd have not bothered. But considering this was my first ever attempt at hosting one, and that it was for a deeply important experience in my life...I believe it to be warranted here.
I am happy to say that the art party was to my eyes, a wonderful success. It was nice to experiment with the idea of having a more activity-oriented art party, and I have a good idea of what to do next time to improve on the formula without feeling overwhelming; after all, art parties are ultimately for vibing and hanging out; and boy were we.
And yes, many kisses were had, and the goodbyes were bittersweet; but not sad. And thus, I will give thanks. More below.
Thank you to everyone that helped me celebrate something very important to me. This last year has been a whirlwind for me, in mostly rather wonderful ways. I finally managed to finally let go of some of the things that were haunting me, I was more easily able to reconcile with, accept, and grow from my past. I picked up the pieces of a lot of parts of my life I didn't feel I had agency in, and it was all because of what I felt playing through Hien Rijin's story arc in FFXIV Stormblood. It was great fun to organize, and It was really nice to be able to celebrate that in some way with all of you-- some of which I'd never even met beforehand. I am just. So floored that people wanted to hang out and chat; thank you for handling my tech clumsiness and multi-tasking fails with such grace.
Thank you to everyone that WANTED to be there but couldn't for some reason or another. Thank you to my friend Bri (twt @tenchijins) who helped me craft prizes and coordinate during parts of the event (the shout chats were SO helpful)-- and for being a wonderful rp partner. You are so fucking smart and cool and you love birds so basically you're an angel. Thank you for everything the last couple months. You helped me better understand a part of my identity that I feared facing for so long, and because of it I am happier than I'd ever been about it all.
Thank you to @findenyan and @itsmeowlee for being so active in twitch chat and bein' cute an' funny catboys it was nice to see. Thank you also to @windup-dragoon for hanging out with us on day one (all the kisses to u my friend), Kiri is always a treasure to witness, and @dareva for being so insanely supportive of both my XIV works AND my original comic progress. I hope you are around for years to come.
Thank you to my roommate Cobalt who is the only reason I could even do this, because he was the one that helped me afford to renew my sub, which I didn't realize expired that day before the event. Oh, and also because he has literally been the sole reason i've been able to afford to survive the last couple of years. Hope to be free of it soon, brother! hahaha~
Thank you to @mythiclings for always showing me love, you were one of the biggest reasons I got the courage to start posting my Hien fanworks. And I am so glad that I did.
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(Speaking of that, we did this cute little doodle together a little while back that I now have permission to post :'3 Look at these silly guys!!)
Ahem. And then thank you to my roommate aka ShandeeDay. If it weren't for you, i'd have never been able to play FFXIV from the first-- not even to consider all the times you've saved me from the street in my 20s. I love you, man. You saved my life. I would take a bullet for you.
Finally, to all of the people both old and new who have shared my work, shared their work with me, made things with me and just in general showed their support in my presence-- I thank you. Also some of you write some hilariously cute shit in tags. I adore you.
Sorry this was so long. But it was definitely worth writing. I plan to do another next year around the Lunar New Year in March 2024, provided I have no cons to attend. I HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN!! 0/
Love and Peace, and to tomorrow. - Shane (and the four other idiots piloting his brain)
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laurfilijames · 11 months
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So I have always been curious about something, but I didn't want to overstep, so if this is personal or you don't want to share, please delete this Ask. XD
You mention that you're an equestrian and a horsegirl--can you please tell us more about that? About your horse(s), your experience riding, all or any of that stuff. :) I love horses but have never lived anywhere you can access them easily, so lucky people with horses fascinate me!
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Me getting this ask.
Ohhhhh you're so nice for asking!! I am indeed an equestrian and proud Horse Girl and am more than happy to talk about my passion and number one hobby!
I've always loved horses, and first rode one when I was 2. My aunt (who is like my mother, who also never had kids ((we say every time we're together that were each other's favourite family member ☺️)) has always had horses and introduced me to the lovely beasts. Her first horse that she owned was the first one I rode; her name was Chardonnay (yes I know...) and we sadly lost her two years ago at the age of 25. We still have her two babies, a 20 yo gelding named Hooligan (again, I know...) and a 18 year old mare Izzy (aka The Red Devil) and yes they live up to their names.
I've ridden at various stables throughout my childhood and teenage years, with some breaks in between being a boy-crazy teen and working/school, but have always consistently ridden my Aunts horses.
I've never competed, had zero desire and it would've taken the joy out of it for me, as showing is a whole different ball game. I ride purely for the love of it and bonding with my horse.
I ride "English" and do hunter/jumper (jumping over fences through courses) but really just love going out and spending time with them by grooming them and maybe going for a hack through the fields after doing some walk/trot/canter exercises.
I was part-boarding two different horses over the last few years but sadly my coach sold one and then the other became severely lame so I actually haven't ridden since December 😭. I think I needed the break, and now that spring is here I will get back in the saddle and working my aunts horses as they've fattened up heaps over the winter.
It's a dangerous sport, and sometimes I get in my own head over it and am becoming less "risky" with riding in general (ie not terribly fussed if I jump or not). Now that I'm in my thirties, falling off hurts a f*ck of a lot more and takes longer to heal/recover and I have a job and a house and a cottage to pay for.
I don't know if I'll ever own a horse myself, they're bloody expensive, finicky beasts who have insane, head-scratching illnesses and injuries, but I know I will always have them be a part of my life.
Horses are truly magical creatures. They're like dogs, but bigger, and usually forget their size. They know when you have a bad day, are sad or happy, and have the amazing ability to feel every emotion you do. When you're on one, you can literally think what you're going to do next and lo and behold, they're doing it. They feed off of our emotions and even though they are prey animals and are completely reliant on us for their love and care, they give so much.
I really hope you have the opportunity to be around them one day, because it will change you forever.
Thank you SO MUCH for this ask and please please please feel free to chat with me about them any and all the time!! 💗💗💗
Here's some photos because obviously...
Hooligan
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Izzy
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Hooligan and Izzy
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Chardonnay
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(Let it be known that I say "MUSTER THE ROHIRRIM" whenever I bring them in from the field because how can you not?)
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welcometoteyvat · 6 months
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love your thoughts on character’s ages. looking forward to fontaine & sumeru :) i think you described it really well. ages for my are like… they exist but they don’t at the same time.
edit: OH MY GOD TUMBLRS EDITOR FORMATTING SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! if you see random parts of words bolded PLEASE ignore i dont know why it keeps happening
if you're the same anon as the og ask i am so so so sorry about the delay T_T T_T i was drafting my answer and then boom life happened ..... anyways. thank you for enjoying my thoughts wah <3333333 "they exist but they don't" SAME SAME frfr. like the most on-point (internet) discussion I've read on ages is that the stage of life you're in is often the only factor that matters, and that can vary a lot based on like your past experiences and stuff. and from my own perspective this holds true—similarly, in genshin where all the playable characters have jobs it's hard to kind of quantify them into really distinct age ranges tbh. sometimes it's just vibes (unfortunately vibes often includes height bc it's a game w not very diverse model types). anyways! character hcs:
sumeru (sans scaramouche): collei, cyno, tighnari, faruzan, layla, nilou
i think collei has an actual canon age right? unless I'm tripping and fanon has solidified so much in everyone's minds. I still haven't read the manhua <3 but iirc people think she's 12-13 there right. maybe she's like 17 rn, i can see anywhere from 14-16 though. idk anything abt her timeline so these are quite literally guesstimates from vibes and they're likely to be wrong. Layla is such a college girlie, she's like 19-20 and sleep deprived (same fr); begging for her to catch a break on behalf of uni students everywhere. I don't have a set age for Faruzan, I can see her anywhere from 30-40, 26 years old minimum (the redesigns people give her where she looks visibly older are so cool <3). Given she was a pretty well known researcher back in her day and since academia is a long and arduous career choice, I think it makes sense; also if she's like way older than Kaveh appearance wise (≥ 10 years) , even if she hadn't gotten trapped for a century, that would be sick af (their dynamic is impeccable and I think a larger age difference makes it better, sweeter, and funnier). Nilou also feels 19-20 years old to me; no real explanation, she just has a young adult vibe, like someone just out of her teenage years but quite capable at managing her life, although still testing out responsibility for major decisions and stuff like that (age solidarity w yun jin)
iirc cyno was already mahamatra or something WHILE tighnari was still in school; thus this makes cynonari EXTREMELY funny if you're a moral purist who ships it and thinks they fell in love in their akademiya days LOL. jkjk it's also a reasonable interpretation that Cyno became mahamatra at an insanely young age, since uhhh fucked up temple of silence background smth smth and honestly it feels in character for him to go buck wild at a young age like that (person most suited for young collei fr). HOWEVER. personally I think being mahamatra at like 19 is insane—thus I think tighnari's probably 23, cyno might be 27? I don't know if that makes it """""""better""""""" from an age gap standpoint but I also don't really care. Cyno being older but more joking around friends, while Tighnari is the younger kohai but serious and no-nonsense is pretty funny to me and when they're both serious you know you're fucked
fontaine: lyney, lynette, freminet (are those the only medium youth models so far lol. damn)
anyways lyney and lynette are confirmed to be at least 10 from Lyney's story quest. such helpful information I know lol. I'd think they're probably around 19-20? 18 minimum—I personally wouldn't watch 18 year olds do gravity defying magic tricks at the nation's biggest opera house—being like 1 year older doesn't make it any better ofc lol, but I think they're above the teenage threshold bc of that. Kinda fucked up to think about the timeline and house of hearth stuff though with this in mind
Freminet I'd say is around 16; 14 minimum. No thoughts for this just vibes. mmmmm idk when he was adopted into the house, if he's around 4-5 years younger than L+L, and let's say they entered the House when they were maybe 6-9 (my headcanons, is it now possible to piece together an accurate timeline of this from in-game lore??), and that was maybe 3-4 years after freminet entered, he probably was like 5-7 when he entered... wah frem............. poor child I'm giving him a hug (knowing that he's also a killing machine)
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apoptoses · 8 months
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I know I’m a WHOLE week late to this but last week kicked my ass in so many ways and I’m just getting the chance to have a proper break and take in the madness that was #vckinkweek. The good people of tumblr TURNED tf up and it makes me so damn happy 🥹 I had to start wth Red, Violent Red because of course I had to 🥹
You really said “fuck it, let’s just give DA everything she’s ever wanted”. Impact play! Dirty talking! Breeding kink! Riccardo flashbacks! It was so insanely hot and intense, I’m absolutely obsessed and I know I’ll be coming back to this one whenever I’m in need of a comfort fic (because Armand begging for Daniel’s cock IS extremely comforting to me thankyouverymuch). I can’t thank you enough for taking what was only a half formed prompt in my head and turning into nothing short of biblical smut. 
Like how am I supposed to move on with my life when this line exists: “He keeps thinking of what Daniel had said, that now that he’s dead nothing belongs in this part of him. It’s just a home for Daniel’s cock. Armand lets out a desperate sound against his lips at the thought and sinks straight down until their hips meet.” I’m scandalized yet so soft!!! Armand wanting to be consumed by Daniel as much as he wants to consume him is truly one of the pillars of their relationship. He fucking loves to boss Daniel around but more than happily crawls on the floor for him whenever he has to. And that’s why they work so well together. Your vision!!! 🤌 🤌 🤌
Moving onto Lift Up the Receiver... jesus christ lmao. THEE Night Island fic we needed AND deserved. The vibes were immaculate, so cinemanic (I mean... clearly!). Decadent, delirious, hot as hell, SO 80′s. And YES that had Spader!Daniel written all over it, and boy did the mental pictures delivered. Daniel in the white suit with his exposed chest and long legs in full businessman mode, acting all snarky while obviously horny as hell lmaooo CRUELTY. I’ll never be free from this Daniel now and I need SO MUCH MORE OF HIM!! You can truly see why Armand loves riling his ass up and can never get enough of him. And I loved how palpable the shift was from your other fics with Daniel in his early/mid 20′s vs. this one here where he’s clearly in his late 20′s/early 30′s. I will literally never shut up about this. SO GOOD. That’s my man right there!!!
Just had to let all that out before properly sinking my teeth into the Riccardo/Armand oneshot now. I’m so excited!! Will be back with more as soon as I can!
You did it again fr fr xoxo DA ❤️
dungeon anon i missed you so much during kink week!! i'm so glad you're back and catching up!!!
I just loved doing a fic where Armand submits but then also dominates in the end, like he really does it ALL there. And I think about that bit, about his body only being a home for Daniel's cock all the time. All of his functions are useless! The only organ he needs is his heart and the rest of him is just for a lover's pleasure, for Daniel's pleasure in specific, and how mind blowing must that be for both of them to think about? It's intimate and obscene.
I absolutely plan on doing more with Armand willingly and happily submitting so be patient, it'll happen ♥
I'm so thrilled that out of anything, you noticed that Daniel read as slightly older in the Night Island fic. Because I wanted that! He's not just Armand's sugar baby now, he's his business partner and he's running the hell out of this island during the day while Armand sleeps. He's a little more weary, a little more serious and snarky, but still head over heels for this hot little 500 year old boyfriend who won't stop pestering him.
And he's super fucking hot in his Miami get ups. Spader in Pretty Pink- that's the wardrobe. Linen suits, salmon pink shirts half buttoned. He's very Miami Vice, upgraded from sugar baby to sugar daddy in his own right, and how could Armand NOT come into that office and jump him?
Please come back when you read the Amadeo and Riccardo, I want to hear your thoughts ♥ I loved writing it and I love your takes and the details you pick up. So I'm eagerly waiting for your commentary.
xoxo
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tremerechantry · 1 year
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Applying to law school is literal hell.
My friend who I have been keeping unnaturally updated on my law school application process has said that I am insane for doing this, that this whole process is inherently humiliating, and that this + the LSAT test community explains why lawyers are Like That.
I am inclined to agree. If only because not being included in the Berkeley acceptance wave today has thrust me into darkness and I don't even want to go to Berkeley.
It's been an unusually slow and weird cycle for me in particular! I applied September/October, which is the absolute earliest one can apply, and still have absolutely no idea where the fuck I'm supposed to be in August. If January isn't the month I may just lose it. I've been ghosted completely after two interviews, and at this point I'm wondering if I accidentally copy-pasted Nine Inch Nails lyrics into my personal statement when I applied, because this silence is baffling to me.
The one coworker who was actually applying at the same time and kind of my go-to dude for daily law school debrief got into both of his dream schools and is now utterly uninterested in the rest of the cycle for me. Fair because I want to forget this shit happens the second I get into my dream school, but it also means I end up debriefing my mother now, who says things like "maybe it's because you're 20 or you applied tooooo early and they forgot about you". Um. Thanks? Forgot about me...?
If applying is this stressful, law school is going to break me. I just wish I had a better GPA... if I had known (why didn't I know? Oh because law school in Turkey works completely differently and I'm an idiot who just. trusts my parents in these things) how important it would be I would not have gone for the double major and I would have taken my 4 years so I could slow down on my classes :( It feels like I'm 20 and I've already made horrific professional mistakes even though by everyone else's metrics I've done great! But I haven't done great because I have to be the best. I have to be the best to make up for me <- LOL
I am going to be okay. I have exceeded my teenage self's wildest dreams. I remember aging up my OCs because it made no sense to me as a teenager that a 21-22 year old could be a college graduate with a job and a (shared) apartment. It's stupid to hold on to this as proof that I am in fact doing okay but I am! My undergraduate loans are in a manageable state! My credit score is good! I'm just afraid of the law school decisions that, in the next 3 or so months, will determine my career. That is not unreasonable.
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timetobeaghost · 2 years
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Thank you for being brave enough to share your opinion on all of this drama even though it goes against the vocal majority (?). I wish I could like your posts, but I don't want to get cancelled in the midst of this. I understand the fear about sexualizing minors and huge age gaps being an issue, but some of the logic on here is crazy. There are people saying being 21 and liking a 20-year-old makes you a pedophile. I'm honestly so confused.
Thank you guys for the asks! I'm doing a roundup to reply.
I don't feel I have anything really to lose here. I understand other people posted valuable creative content and are serious about their blogs... Still I gained, not lost followers over this, people keep liking my Byler posts, probably without a clue who I am, so in general I don't really see the downside. (And I'm getting asks, who doesn't like that? Ask me anything!)
Also I'm not getting silenced by a mob of hysterical teens. Like you gotta say "No, stop, you're being dumb" or we are really lost as a society.
LOL, to the discussion if it's fine to be 23, 22 or at least 21 to be attracted to a 20 year old... There is no limit to the idiocy of what people will accept as a reasonable mindset in an echo chamber.
Anonymous asked:
It baffles me that everyone is attacking you and people aren’t defending you and instead, rushing to block you when everything you said was completely reasonable. They’re acting like you’re a “pedo defender” when that’s literally not what you’re doing at all. All you said was that there’s nothing wrong with a 29 year old acknowledging than a 19 year old actor is attractive. In any other context, that’d be an accurate statement. And that people should touch grass and stop freaking out. But of course people keep blowing things out of proportion and no one wants to stand up to people with literal pitchforks who will hear no nuance and call you a predator for calling bull
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Yes, thanks! Same points: Group think insanity. A pedophile who is attracted to 19 year olds. 😂 A predator who looks at PR pics of a young adult actor. If that scares someone, they need to grow the actual fuck up.
Anonymous asked:
Hey, I am in complete agreement with you and just wanted to share something I submitted in another user's asks:
Is the irony lost on you? People cannot choose who they're attracted to. That is literally the same principle behind gay rights.
Is it wrong for adults to be attracted to children? Yes. Those people are mentally ill. If they act on those feelings in any way, including harboring pictures of children, that is very wrong (and illegal).
But to say that a 29 year-old is disgusting for finding a 19 year-old attractive is incredibly ignorant and intolerant and belies your own immaturity. You will find as you get older that the beauty of youthfulness does not go away just because you are getting older. Frankly, it wouldn't be weird for a 59 year-old to find a 19 year-old attractive. That's human nature. That's just biology and psychology.
Of course acting on it would be a different story. And I agree that it's a little weird to have photos on your phone. And maybe people should just keep it to themselves. But can we at least separate the attraction and appreciation of an adult celebrity's beauty from actual pedophilic and predatory behavior?
And FYI, my grandparents are 10 years apart and got married at 22/32. They have been married for 65 years and have the sweetest and most wholesome and beautiful relationship. Do you really want to pass judgment on them too? Love is love.
Btw, not that it matters, but I am in my twenties but younger than 29. And I also find adult Finn attractive.
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Oh, yes. What struck me first is the irony of ST fans getting together a Jason like lynch mob to go after someone arbitrarily defined as a freak, because apparently they are too far out of the narrow norm to be acceptable, so they just accuse them of horrible crimes out of thin air. Like. But of course your gay rights point is even better. And I don't know if anyone here actually knows any adult gay guys, but try to find a gay guy born in 1971 who doesn't laugh in your face and then backs away slowly if you tell them you are scandalized by a 29-year-old being attracted to a ten year younger person. This is so beyond absurd, and I can guarantee the mob that Eddie Munson, Will Byers and Mike Wheeler would think you are the worst.
Finn is too young for me tbh. I just have a "cute kid" attitude towards him and also no interest seeing pics of him out of character or his other movies. Might be different if I was still in my mid-twenties. But most importantly, it does not matter. If a bunch of senior citizens want to look at him all day, good for them. Good for Finn if many find him attractive and do want to see his other movies tbh.
And then there is also the fact that 10 years is not even a huge age gap for an actual relationship among adults. Yeah, many wouldn't want it, less the younger they are, but who even cares if other people do it, really. But this isn't even about a relationship. Absurd from so many angles.
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monkeyartfiend · 10 months
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ok
so this week I saw 4 movies because my spouse and I are insane and decided to go to drive in theaters and I got the dates wrong so we went to a different one that was closed on thursday but then still wanted to go to the other one so we just did them both one night after another. in order of how good the films were here's reviews no one wants:
1 the popes exorcist - whoooooooo I was quaking in my car. this horror film knows that the best strange bedfellows are horror and comedy and knew how to balance it to make a truly impactful horror. implied that the Spanish inquision wasn't the church's fault bc it was actually Satan's fault. hilarious. great acting. I'm obsessed with exorcists being possessed so like yes all the way down. the trailer is a bad rep of the movie btw
2 (yallr gonna hate me for this but) Fast X - ok. hear me out. I have literally never seen any f&f movies. not a one. but Jason Momoa SERVED in this film. "what should we blow up? the Vatican? lmao. *ok*.. but yall are going to hell :)" this film was a series of one liners but somehow like actually made me laugh. somehow effectively used one liners. the women in the movie were so fucking fierce. the fights had truly gorgeous choreography. the bomb was stupid big. just a fun movie to watch.
3 john wick 4 - I don't have much to say, I *like John wick* , John wick has an extremely personal place in my heart, love him. it just didn't impress me, felt like I was just watching all the previous JW films cut and paste together? had its moments! choreography of course was amazing. eh?
4. Renfield- I have so much to say about renfield. again, horror and comedy are strange bedfellows but opposed to popes exorcist which had a balance 60/40 horror comedy, this film was imbalanced like 90/10 comedy horror. this was the movie we originally set out to watch (knowing it wasn't going to be great but hoping it would be worth it) when the weekend took a turn and then we watched 3 other movies also. what I will sum up about renfield to you, my followers, is that it was copaganda!!!.??????? hello???? insane!!!! it was about the myth of the one good cop fighting corruption and busting the criminals :) but for some reason used music from my chemical romance and made jokes about tumblr. in a copaganda film. that for some reason nic cage was in. here's the thing. nic cage as Dracula. is *everything*. he is nasty he is hot he is terror and anger and style. he served a Dracula you have never seen before. petty and immortal. it was amazing. and it was juxtaposed with a pathetic white boy who would have appealed to the lorax era tumblr. i am at a loss for words??? this film was riddled with #Irony and such incredibly dumbed down and straight forward story telling (ironic boy voice:"I get my power from eating bugs!") that it was clearly made for Teens. and through, *all of this.* Nic Cage was serving the cuntiest Dracula I have ever seen. like I would say if you're a cage fan, go ahead and watch it, but beware, you're about to see one of the dumbest films cage has ever been in. and I've seen Zandalee on laser disc, and that FNAF knock off he did. I get why some 20 year old tumblrinas are a fan of renfield. yall probably like Brooklyn99 too. but I'm promising you it's such a bad movie with bad story telling, and somehow, great acting.
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latte-fairytaekwoon · 3 years
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𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎! 𝙰𝚝𝚎𝚎𝚣 𝙿𝚛𝚘𝚏𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚜: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒
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Disclaimer: In no way am I condoning, justifying, encouraging nor trying to romanticize yandere behavior. This is all a work of fiction and not meant to represent real life scenarios.
Warnings: Mentions of bullying, toxic relationship, violent behavior, murder, sexual scenes, paranoia leading to mental blackouts, miscarriage, suicide attempt, mental disorders and death are contained within this post. Read at your own discretion.
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𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜 𝐈𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧:
𝙽𝚊𝚖𝚎: 𝚂𝚘𝚗𝚐 𝙼𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚒
𝙳.𝙾.𝙱: 𝙰𝚞𝚐𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝟿𝚝𝚑, 𝟷𝟿𝟿𝟿
𝙷𝚎𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝: 𝟷𝟾𝟻 𝙲𝙼/ 𝟼'𝟶 𝙵𝚃.
𝙰𝚐𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■□90%
𝙾𝚋𝚜𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: ■■■■■100%
𝙼𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢: ■■■■□90%
𝙾𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚃𝚑𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝 𝙻𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚕: 𝙷𝚒𝚐𝚑
𝚈𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝙲𝚕𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚏𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗: 𝚂𝚞𝚋𝚖𝚒𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎
𝙱𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙰𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚜𝚒𝚜:
•𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚖𝚏𝚞𝚕 𝚏𝚒𝚡𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝
•𝙳𝚎𝚜𝚝𝚛𝚞𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚟𝚎 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚋𝚓𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝
•𝚃𝚎𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚊𝚛𝚢 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚍𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚑𝚞𝚝𝚍𝚘𝚠𝚗
•𝙸𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚢 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚌𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚎𝚑𝚊𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚛
•𝙴𝚡𝚝𝚛𝚎𝚖𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝚎𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚢 𝚍𝚛𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚗 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚊𝚋𝚕𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚞𝚗𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚝
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Mingi was someone who always kept to himself, never wanting to draw any kind of attention.
Unfortunately for him, he got a lot of attention while he was studying in university, and not the good kind.
He accidentally bumped into one of the jocks at school, and from that moment on, his life was hell.
He was constantly belittled, shoved to the floor, his locker filled with vicious and cruel messages ranging from "freak" to "kill yourself."
Mingi often just sighed and continued his day, as if this was totally normal.
It's not that he didn't understand what was going on or didn't care.
He was just too awkward and scared to stand up to himself.
So he often just came home, feeling hopeless and in despair.
Many times he hardly ate and would end up crawling inside his blankets and cry himself to sleep.
Even the few people he talked to stopped associating themselves with him out of fear of becoming the bullies' next target.
So Mingi resigned himself to being alone and to think no one would ever care about him....
Until you came along.
You had recently transferred to his school and one of the first things you saw was the poor sandy hair colored giant get punched in the stomach by his locker.
You were so disgusted and sickened by their behavior that you did not hesitate to go over and make sure he was all right.
"Hey, do you need help?" You asked as you helped him get up.
"I I'm fine...t-thanks.." Without another word, he left you standing there, running off to his next class.
He thought that'd be the last time he saw you but during lunch break, you made it a point to look for him and talk to him.
"Are you feeling better?"
Mingi looked up at you with wide eyes, wondering if it really was him you were talking to.
"Y-yeah...I'm fine. T-thanks"
Smiling at him, you sat next to him, taking out your lunch while trying to make conversation with him.
All throughout it, Mingi seemed agitated, scared almost.
You felt really bad and asked him if something was bothering him.
Sighing he told you:
"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I think it's best if you stay away from me.... I don't want them to hurt you because of me..."
You saw the sadness in his eyes, the loneliness behind them and that made you want to stay with him even more.
"What's your name?" You asked what you had really wanted to know since the beginning.
"Song Mingi." He answered you.
Grinning at him, you held out your hand.
"Well Song Mingi, I'm L/N Y/N. Your soon to be new best friend."
Mingi's mouth dropped at your words, he couldn't possibly believe you were serious.
But you were and not only did you become his closest friend, you also became his protector.
Unlike him, you were fearless, vivacious, outgoing and spontaneous.
And Mingi began to admire you a lot for it....
More than admired, he began to worship you, falling deeply in love with you.
For once in his life, he was happy, truly happy and filled with joy.
Instead of crying himself to sleep, he went to bed all excited to spend the next day with you.
And of course you two spent a lot of time together, since he became your math tutor cause you were the absolute worst with numbers.
You were thankful that Mingi was so patient and caring towards you.
He never showed any signs of frustration or annoyance even after explaining the equation to you about 20 times.
"Y/N. Pay attention or you won't ace the test." He often told you, adding a little pinch to your nose or cheek to get you to focus.
He also loved just talking to you during these sessions.
Obviously being your best friend, he also ended up picking up on what sort of things you liked in a guy.
He would often observe you at school or while you two were out.
One time he even read through a few of your messages with one of your other friends from your old school.
It was exactly what Mingi needed to know, he now had a glimpse of the type of boyfriend you wanted.
And for you.....he'd end up becoming that boyfriend.
So while you were in spring break, he prepared everything.
He got rid of his cardigans and vests, trading them for leather and jean jackets.
He ended up cutting his hair differently and started wearing tighter fitting pants that accentuated his thick thighs.
So when you saw him again, it was a complete 180° from the shy, nerdy boy you knew.
"Whoah! Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?"
You weren't going to lie, Mingi did look very attractive.
You were glad though that he was still the cute, adorable and somewhat clumsy boy he was when you first met him.
Because that's the Mingi you knew and loved.
And you wouldn't trade him for anything in the world.
It was after finals that Mingi decided to ask you out.
You were both out celebrating the fact you both passed when he popped the question:
"Y/N will you go out with me?" He suddenly blurted out.
You were taken aback, but said yes nonetheless.
Mingi was so happy.
He was extremely devoted to you as a boyfriend, always saying yes to you and going along with whatever it was you wanted.
Anything you said, he would do it.
"Anywhere you want to go is fine with me."
"Anything you want is fine with me."
You thought it was really sweet at first, he really wanted to make you happy.
But after almost a year of dating, it kinda started to get annoying.
It bothered you that he never seemed to have an opinion of his own.
You actually snapped at him one day while planning a date out.
"Can't you freaking decide for yourself once?"
Mingi just whipped his head at you, unable to comprehend why you were yelling at him.
"Do you not even care about me or this relationship? Cause honestly it seems like you're not actually putting effort into it and if it's like that, why am I even wasting my time on you?"
Mingi got really scared when you began walking out the door, he pleaded with you to stay, to talk through it.
"I'll do anything! Y/N please just don't leave me! What do you want me to do?!" He begged as he got on his knees.
"I want you to leave me alone!"
Alone......that word struck a chord in Mingi's head.....alone.
No....he couldn't go back to being alone...go back to the cold world that he was used to.
He began hyperventilating, his head was spinning and it was pounding like there was no tomorrow.
He doesn't remember much after that. All he remembers was the annoying knocking at the door.
He remembers opening it and seeing a random salesperson there....
But after that, it's all a big black faze, and when he finally came to his senses....
He was covered in blood, and a bludgeoned corpse was sprawled across the kitchen floor.
Although he was panicking, Mingi knew that you could not find out about this.
So he quickly got to work and cleaned up all traces of blood and managed to get rid of the body with no one seeing him.
He was so confused about what happened and panicking about if you found out, that he didn't hear you come in the house until you literally stood in front of him.
He instantly got on his knees and hugged your waist.
"Baby I was so scared that you left me forever! Please I'm sorry I made you feel like I don't care about you, I do! I fucking love you so much, and I promise I'll try harder....
Just for you..."
You felt so bad seeing him, and truly you loved him and felt like it was a petty thing to get mad about.
You pulled him up and reassured him that you weren't mad anymore and that you were too much in love with him to leave.
Mingi felt so relieved. He couldn't even begin to fathom what would happen if he did lose you.
He'd probably go insane.
True to his word, Mingi did try harder to get rid of that habit of just following what you said like a little puppy, and would now start expressing himself more.
Now the problem was he went the complete opposite direction: now he seemed to question your every decision and it would lead to small tiny banters between you two.
One time you got tired of him making a fuss over the fact you were spending so much time with a classmate that it turned really ugly.
"We're working on a project Mingi! Nothing else!" You shouted at him.
"What do you need to be going to his house though and staying til late hours of the night? Why can't you two do it here?!"
"Because you end up distracting us both and throwing passive aggressive words to him." You were exhausted from all the screaming by now you were losing your patience.
"Are you sure it's not because you're just whoring yourself out with them?" He didn't mean for those words to come out...but they did.
And you didn't mean to get so angry to the point of slapping him, but you did and that's when it hit you that you went too far.
You both stood there stunned at what happened, Mingi more hurt than anything by your actions, while you felt ashamed of yourself.
You lifted your hand against the very person you were protecting at first.....and now you hated yourself for hurting him like his past bullies.
Ashamed and full of guilt, you turned away and began walking out.
"Wait no! Y/N please! It's ok! It was my fault! I shouldn't have said that! Please let's just work it out!"
"No Mingi! I can't! I..... I need a break."
Mingi's world came crumbling down when you said that. He went into a slight catatonic state as he watched you walk away.
Once he regained his senses, he ran after you, desperate to bring you back, running around aimlessly through the dark streets and alleys, calling out for you but you were nowhere to be seen.
"Get lost you dirty bastard." A passerby rudely shoved him out of the way.
In a matter of seconds, Mingi's eyes darkened, his fist clenched at his side as rage now coursed through his body.
He turned his head to look back at the stranger who was now walking away.
Smirking, Mingi pulled out the switchblade he was carrying in his pocket before creeping quietly to the man.
Someone had to pay the price and feel the wrath and despair he felt at losing his goddess......and he found them.
It had been roughly a month since you last saw Mingi and although you hated to admit it, you missed him. But you knew you had to stay away for his sake.
But things don't go as planned and you soon found out you were going to have to see him sooner than you thought...
Because you were now pregnant with his child and you had to let him know.
You were so nervous about telling him, your hand trembled as you opened the door to the apartment you used to share with Mingi.
You quietly stepped inside, too afraid to call out for him just yet.
But then you heard some weird noises coming from the bedroom, your heart somewhat dropping when you distinguished what sounded like moans and panting.
You could also make out Mingi's deep voice calling out your name.
Opening the door open, your hand flew to your mouth, semi-muffling your sharp gasp as you took in the scene of Mingi fucking some random girl with her face covered on the bed you two shared not too long ago.
"What the fuck Mingi?!" You exclaimed in utter disgust and betrayal.
"Y/N! I can explain!" All color drained from Mingi's face as he pulled himself out of the girl and quickly dressed himself.
You couldn't bear to stay there another moment, you just ran out of there once again.
But you didn't get far because Mingi swiftly caught up to you and enraptured you in his arms.
"Don't touch me! You're disgusting! You liar! You cheater!" You tossed and writhed around as you tried to escape his grasp, while Mingi tried to hold you still and trying to talk to you.
You felt an immense pain run through your stomach at that moment, your body becoming paralyzed as some weird and excruciating torment bursted in you.
Mingi noticed as well how you clutched your stomach and had difficulty breathing so he wasted no time in taking you to the hospital.
You woke up hours later, late at night, a nurse by your side and Mingi on the other, his hand holding onto yours as tears poured from his eyes.
"What happened?" You immediately asked, your hand instinctively going to your belly.
The nurse explained with sorrow how you had lost the baby, apologizing profusely to you, knowing you were probably in pain.
You went berserk when she told you that, first you denied it, then you began screaming while trying to pull off the IVs attached to you.
Mingi tried to calm you down, but instead he made things worse with his presence.
"This is all your fault! If it wasn't because of you, my baby would be alive!"
Those words cut Mingi deep inside, you killed him immediately with them.
Other nurses rushed in to calm you down as one of them pulled Mingi away for his protection and for yours.
You were numb for the next few days, refusing to see anyone and especially not Mingi, you gave strict orders not to let him in.
You were planning on never seeing him again.
The very day you were released from the hospital though, he was the first person you encountered while you were on your way home.
"Y/N?" He asked, startling you when he came out from the corner.
Your feet shifted slowly, almost losing balance on the small step on your front door.
"What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear I never wanted to see you." Not wanting to waste another minute, you quickly punched in your passcode.
"Y/N baby you don't mean that! I love you! And you love me!"
You let out a dry and haughty laugh at that.
"You? Love me? Is that why you were fucking some whore behind my back?"
"I swear she didn't mean anything! And I made her cover her face because I was thinking of you the entire time..."
You rolled your eyes at that, feeling absolutely disgusted.
"But then I realized she was to blame for everything and so I got rid of her so I can make you happy, forgive me and we could start again."
You halted your actions when he said that.
"Mingi...what do you mean you got rid of her?"
If his last words disturbed you, now you were absolutely horrified as he calmly told you how he mutilated her body and discarded her remains in a lake outside of the city.
You actually felt sick and nearly threw up right then and there.
"Mingi.....what..... you're insane! How could you-?"
Mingi couldn't understand why you were upset.
"Don't you see? I did it for you Y/N. Everything I've ever done is for you."
Now it dawned on you, the person you've ever loved was sick, extremely sick and needed help.
"Mingi.....don't come near me again....stay away....seriously..."
And once again another struggle between you two ensued, you wanting to run away while he held onto you for dear life.
"Stop Mingi! Let me go! I don't love you anymore!"
The spinning in his head started once again, his vision becoming hazy, he could hear his own heartbeat resonating in his ears, his hand shook violently as it reached for an all too familiar object he kept hidden in his pocket....
Everything turned dark and blinding....
But when he came back, there he was, staring in shock at your lifeless body, a fresh, clean cut running all across your neck, blood still spurting out and staining his hands.
"Oh my God! What have I done?!" Mingi cried out, wailing and screaming erratically at the thought that he had just murdered his soulmate with his own hands.
He couldn't bear the thought of living without you, he just couldn't....
And so he picked up the very tool he used to kill you and held up to his own neck....
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marindram · 3 years
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full transcription of Marin's blog from Omega Mart!
huge thanks to @b0chelly for recording a scroll-through, which i typed this out from. (and warning for Omega Mart lore/story spoilers. second half is in reblog)
Marinknows.best
Location: Seven Monolith Village
Last Login: 12/31/2019
Profile Views: 101,275
About me: I love listening to music and glitter
Friends (0)
June 26, 2018
Happy Birthday to meeeeeeeeee!
So 14 feels way different than 13. For real. I think it's because I was expecting 13 to feel different, but sometimes when you expect something it turns out the opposite ya know?
Plus, 13 is like, "I'm new to being a teenager!!"
14 is more like, "I'm becoming the person I want to be." At least that's how I want it to be. I wanted to start this blog as a record of all that.
I should ask Did you guys feel the same way when you turned 13 and 14?
But probably nobody's gonna read this because I'm just a weirdo in the weird dessert. I mean, I know my best friend Jesse is reading this (hi Jesse). Besides her, crickets.
But yeah, if you are reading this and you don't know me - I live in Seven Monolith Village, a teensy tiny town that you've only heard of if you're into aliens or homesteading. And I'm literally stuck. As in, I'm physically unable to leave. My first memories are of all the adults in my life (Charlie, my great-uncle/father-figure - Rose, my what? Roommate? Mother-figure? Pseudo-aunt? All of the above? and my mom, Cecelia. who doesn't live here) telling me that for some reason, there's something wrong with me that makes it so I can't leave a certain radius of where we live. I got older and thought that they were just exaggerating to keep me safe, but then last year I tried. And it was, let's just say not good.
Anyway. That part of my life sucks, but not everything sucks. This year is all about Marin Dram 2.0. Not new, but definitely improved.
And maybe someday, somehow somebody will read this and care about what I have to say. Somebodies, even. Until then, this is Marin Dram signing off and sending my lame contemplations into the void!
July 1, 2018
Things I Want To Do Before I Turn 20 (and some of these will never happen like are literally unable to happen but JUST LET ME DREAM
1. Kiss someone (who???)
2. Meet HTB (kiss him) (jk he would never) (plus meeting him would be enough)
3. Go to Paris
4. Go to Rome (or somewhere cooler in Italy, look up where is the best pasta???)
5. Go to Greenland (why not???)
6. Go to New York City
7. Go to LA (with a dream and my cardigan lol)
8. Go to the Grand Canyon (this isn't mine, but 9, Jesse is sitting right here and she went to the GC when we were 12 and she's like blah blah blah it's my favorite place in the world and you'll love it. I'm doing this so she'll shut up.
9. Live in a normal house with normal rooms → ideally 12 of them: living room AND TV room, kitchen, dining room, 3 bathrooms, 3 bedrooms, study/library.
-plus an upstairs downstairs
-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I got my own
-plus an upstairs/downstairs
-I'm willing to compromise on the number of rooms as long as there's more than ONE for TWO PEOPLE and I get my own room with an actual door. Very into doors.
10. Go to a mall (Jesse says there's a bunch of bonkers ones in Vegas)
11. Make friends who aren't Jesse (no offense, Jesse)
12. Get Cecelia (my "mom") to teach me about business stuff so I can open my own cool coffeeshop/bookstore someday
13. Learn to drive (ask Charlie to teach me, he's obsessed with his truck) (Jesse says she can teach me because she's Little Miss Mechanic and thinks she knows everything about cars but news flash Jesse: you're you get than me)
14. Figure out my signature style- like I want people to send me pictures of things and be like "this just screamed Marin" and for that to be true
15. Liquid eyeliner??
16. I'm stopping here because I just read over all this and want to die/cry because easily 3/4 of these are literally impossible?
17. Kill me
18. Bye
19. Lololol Charlie just came in and I was complaining about this, not being able to leave and stuff, etc and he said that I should visit new places by... reading books?? And I mean I like to read. But dude. That's the dumbest thing I've ever head.
July 30, 2018
Okay so this is what I want my life to look like:
I want a pink room. Not just pink... P I N K. Cool pink wallpaper (floral? jacquard??), pink carpet, lots of pink flowers everywhere, a four-poster bed with a pink silk canopy, lots of cool pink throw pillows. Like, so pink that
people think I'm being sarcastic! Oh, and BOOKS. Floor-to-ceiling bookcases, and some of the shelves have, like, STUFF on them that isn't books, like gifts people gave me, or things I've collected on my JOURNEYS. You know, normal stuff that people who live on normal places and do normal things have.
If I lived in in this room, it'd be in awhite three-story house at the end of a cul-de-sac (did you know "culs-de-sac" is the plural? Not "cul-de-sacs"? crazy) and I'd wear very classic girly clothes and my hair would always do what I wanted it to. It'd be one of those towns that people call small, but it's actually a city. just one with a kinda small, cozy feeling. Somewhere that gets cold enough to wear cute jackets but not so cold I have to to like, shovel my driveway. Not a non-place with like 100 people where you can't even go outside without going crazy.
August 2nd, 2018
I guess I should explain where I live, for all my avid fans out there! (lol) (hello??)
So like... I don't live on Earth. At least, not the Earth you think of when you think of EARTH. I live in some some weird off-brand version of Earth called the Forked Earth where there are aliens and magic wells of magic energy and everything is MAGIC but like the crappy kind of magic, where the sun never fully rises and some goo called "runoff" has made everything wacky and oh yeah, my mom is responsible for that and everyone here hates her!! LOL
Also, I can't leave! Like, literally can't! Rose says I'm a "special child of Source" and that's why but that LITERALLY explains tells me nothing, in fact it just raises further questions that no one can seem to answer! AHHHHHHHHHH
Anyway, the last time I tried to leave I felt. When I try to leave I feel like I'm being pulled back by something, like you know those old cartoons where someone's on stage doing something dumb and then someone offstage pulls them away with a giant shepard's crook? It felt like that, and when I opened my eyes I was back in 7 Monolith Village. UGH.
I know this sounds crazy!!!!! But believe me when I say that I am the least crazy person here. Also, """here""" is C R A Z Y. Runoff has made everything the bad kind of psychedelic and then people here actually DRINK IT! Not only do I not DRINK THE STUFF THAT HAS MADE THE WORLD INSANE, I also do not talk to aliens (or whatever Nula are) like Rose or believe crazy conspiracy theories like Charlie, so I believe that qualifies me as the most normal person in the Forked Earth, thank you for this honor, I accept this award with humility and grace!
September 4, 2018
I had the weirdest dream last night?? I was swimming in a pool full of cereal, and when I came up for air, my mom was pouring milk on my head like she was rinsing my hair. She had her hand over my face like I was a little kid and she was shielding me from soap getting in my eyes.
Anyway I have no idea what it's supposed to mean. I went to bed hungry and I need to take a shower? Lol
October 16, 2018
I was trying to hide this entry from Jesse, but JESSE IS A NOSY PERSON. She says that blogs are for readers, and if I wanted something to be private then I should "Just write in a fucking notebook and hide it under your bed like a normal person, Marin." I'm allowed to have secrets!! Anyway, I'm making her a freaking playlist, that's why I wouldn't tell her what I was writing about. but EVEN STILL! I'm allowed to have secrets!! But I have this blog because I wanna get my feelings out, I wanna see everything in my head typed out all nice in a way that doesn't make it look insane. You know? I don't know who I'm asking.) Because, it's not like I go to a normal school or have a normal life where I'm surrounded by normal people I can talk to. No one knows about me! I'm trapped in this crazy place and This blog is my only outlet to the world outside. I KNOW that's heavy but it's true! The point is: Jesse's birthday is coming up. The central consistent thing in pretty much my whole life is sharing headphones with her and listening to music. The soundtrack to my entire existence is her. I wish I had money and could buy her the best presents of all time, but I can make her the best playlist of all time. I want it to be so good it feels like magic. I want her to think I'm magic. I had another dream the other night. I don't remember much, just glitter. I must be crafting too much. Or looking at festival makeup tutorials. Or both.
November 12, 2018
WARNING- Weird thoughts ahead, lol.
I can never tell which feelings are normal, and which are me being a giant weirdo. But for as long as I can remember, I've had this feeling like every part of my body that's possible to have a ribbon tied around it, has a ribbon tied around it. It's so weird. I can't see the other end of the ribbons - how far they go. where they're attached, nothing. And sometimes it's fine, because sometimes I can hardly feel them. I can forget about them for days at a time, weeks, months if I'm lucky. But then other times I can feel them like, pulling at me. It's freaking spooky, to have something pulling at you from somewhere you can't see. I can't tell if it's pulling me toward whatever it is? Or if it's trying to warn me? Or if I'm just insane??
Does that make sense? Does anybody else feel that way? (she asks into the void)
So idk I guess this ribbons-feeling is why I'm really careful all the time. Like I'm just a careful person. Charlie tried to give me a hard time about it, and I can't be like "I don't wanna pull back in the ribbons too hard without realizing it and wreck something!" because he'd be like "WTF Marin, do we need to get you help?" But also, more and more, I want to be the opposite of careful. I want to take a pair of comically oversized scissors and cut the ribbons into so many pieces that nobody can even tell what they are any more.
I don't know why I'm such a freak, only that I am. I don't know why I can't leave 7 Monolith, only that I can't. But there must be a reason, even if I can't see it, and I feel like it makes sense that the ribbons-feeling is part of that reason, right?
There's just a lot.
January 15, 2019
Happy new year! Lol I forgot to write on the actual first day of 2019, but OH WELL!
I got this new glitter nail polish, thanks to the monthly makeup subscription box my "mom" sends me as an outlet for her abandonment guilt. It has like, every color glitter imaginable without quite reading as "rainbow" which is fine just not really what I was in the mood for and it's vaguely halographic and shifts into all these different colors depending on the light. I'm obsessed. Anyway.
I was putting on another layer because I chipped it like 20 minutes into wearing it, and all of a sudden I had this feeling like I recognized the glitter? Like I felt this thing way deep in my gut and for a minute I couldn't breathe. It's the closest thing I've felt to how books and movies make Christmas look. Like I was home, with family, cookies and cider and all that stuff. Familiar and safe. I almost didn't recognize that feeling. And it came from the nail polish. How weird is that.
I mean, I don't want to make it sound like I've had this awful Charles Dickens childhood - Rose and Charlie are the best ever and always there for me and I love them a lot. But things never feel like...home. You know?
My mom always says this cryptic stuff about how I'm "special" and I wanna strangle her because I'm not, but you try getting my mom to stop doing anything she wants to do. Rose told me once that one day, I would "lead the charge into a new era of existence and access" because I'm "of the Source" and I was like uhhhh okay?? Charlie mostly treats me pretty normal, except when I ask him questions about our family. my mom or any Dram. He knows that I want to know more about them and he's my only real entrypoint, but apparently he's like the black sheep of that whole family. He and my mom were close way back right before I was born, but now whenever she comes to visit he barely even looks at her.
So that's to say: nobody tells me anything, ever.
January 16, 2019
Okay this is so weird. I wrote that entry yesterday about glitter and then last night I dreamed about glitter. Then I woke up with purple glitter in my bed?? Like not a lot, so at first I thought it was from my nail polish, but it was just a handful of purely purple glitter that looks nothing like my nail polish. SO WEIRD!!!!!!
February 14, 2019
Rose has an old book full of "ye olde" style fairy tales, and I flipped through it for the first time in forever today.
Not so weirdly, I've always been drawn to the story of Rapunzel.
Rapunzel couldn't leave the tower, or else she'd break her neck and die.
Same.
February 19, 2019
I was reading this article the other day in one of the teen magazines my "mom" gets me a subscription to and it was all about body positivity, which is great, but it was basically just like "wear a crop top if you wannna wear a crop top! it doesn't matter what size you are! You go, girl!" And like, sure. Yes. I am all for that. But doesn't it seem like there are some steps missing in there? Like, I can physically put on a crop top and wear it outside. But how do I convince myself that everybody isn't looking at me and making fun of me in their minds? How do I unlearn the last almost-fifteen years? How do I get actually positive about my body, not just put on a crop top and fight the urge to cry all day?
It's the same thing like when my mom sends me brochures from the CEO camp she ten when she was my age (her dad started the camp for her, which is an insane thing just by itself, but she did all the work, which is even more insane) and she's like "Marin, you lack direction for your life" and I'm like, cool mom. Yeah. I can see that. What I can't see is how to get there from here.
March 2, 2019
This is what I want my life to look like, volume 2:
The walls of my room are covered in Polaroids of me and my friends. There are lots of mirrors in all kinds of shapes. hearts and moons and stars. There's a record player and a lot of vintage records by Billie Holiday and Lena Horne and Peggy Lee and Nina Simone. And Christmas lights! Everywhere! Lots of of pink and purple Christmas lights everywhere.
If I lived in this room, I'd have so many friends and be part of so many clubs. My best friend would have a collection of vintage cameras, and every place we go to that has a photo booth, we'd get photos taken. Every time I'd look at myself in one of those mirrors, I'd feel happy at what I see and never weird or sad. (Jesse hates taking pictures, so even when I actually do normal stuff with her there's no evidence. What even is a life supposed to be without evidence? That's not an actual question you need to answer Jesse, it's just a question)
Anyway, if I lived in this kind of room, my mom would probably be like, an art history professor at a liberal arts college. That's how come everything looks so cool, because I would know stuff about art. My mom and I would love to try new recipes together. We get each other new cookbooks for every special occasion, and right now we're working out way through a Moroccan one. Moroccan Mondays.
In actuality, there's a dust storm happening outside and my eyes sting.
March 9, 2019
Here's what I'm obsessed with lately.
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Can. You. EVEN???
February 3, 2020
Omg I totally forgot this blog existed!!
I lost the password and instead of just resetting it I got in one of my super stubborn moods (Taurus moon lol) and just kept putting in guesses and jokes on me, it locked me out. Anyway, that's a boring story.
But my friend Ximena is really good at hacking and stuff, so she got me back in. Yeah you read that right - I have friends. Obviously a lot has happened since my last post. Ximena moved out here a couple months ago (X's family used to live here but they moved away a while ago) and she introduced me to Lora who I sorta-not-really already knew, and Jesse and I have been hanging out with them a ton. Jesse kind of more than me. Which is fine!!
Anyway I'm 15 now? If I lived somewhere normal I'd be psyched about almost being 16, because I'd get a car and have a Sweet Sixteen and eat a huge PINK cake, but I don't!
February 16, 2020
I read this fanfic the other night that was written in the second person so everything was like "you." "you're doing this" etc you know?
So... You go to a drive-in movie with Heartthrob Boy, and he spills soda on you by accident. And you take off your shirt ( you have a tank top on, don't worry) to clean it up, bit you're still all sticky and self-conscious about being sticky and HTB like... used his tongue to get it off??? AAHHHHH I'M DISGUSTING
but also I wonder if a boy will ever touch any part of me with his tongue
March 2, 2020
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Hi I don't know if you heard but I have friends :)))
March 15, 2020
I think I'm so into painting my nails and doing my hair because those are things that always fit. I don't have to worry about places not carrying about a size 8, or places that carry XLs but when you read the measurements they're actually size 8s too and it's like jesus if that's an XL what am I
My "mom" was confused why I needed new pants because mine still look new, but I showed her the thigh holes and she was like "that's a weird place for a hole, how did that happen" and I realized that when your legs are a certain size, you just don't know about thigh rub and what it does to clothes. Pants could just last for years.
No matter what, I can paint my nails with a different color nail polish on every finger, and I can always do a braid crown. And I know I'm cute as hell, etc, so this is not a Marin Needs to Learn to Love Herself thing. It's just an UGH thing
April 17, 2020
So Rose does all these Source experiments on plants and flowers and stuff. Tbh, it's just one if those things I hardly even register anymore because it's just always there. She's explained to me a million times what Source is/does/means, but the way Rose explains things sometimes is just a LOT to take in and she refers to me as a "child of Source" but I kinda figure that's like "child of God" right? What else would that mean?
But anyway, it's really annoying because dried flowers are a part of my new aesthetic and I pinned a bunch of them up on my wall but I woke up this morning to a freaking jungle of very alive flowers. I freaked out. on Rose, and she Rose said she didn't do it and I was like WELL THEN WHO DID and she said that I did??
Which like. Obviously that doesn't make sense. I asked her what she meant and She just shook her head and said " It's happening. We should have known" which is some horror movie shit that she refused to elaborate on. I love to feel safe and normal!!
Or maybe it's not a horror movie at all. But maybe it's a superhero movie? Maybe there's some kind of origin story I don't know about yet, and all of this will be worth it once I figure out my powers. I wonder what my costume will look like. Lol.
April 23, 2020
Is it possible to die from longing? I know that sounds melodramatic, but I'm also kinda serious?? Because it seems like one of those things that could fester and get infected and kill you. It's like when you fall down and bang up your knee, and you need to put a band-aid on the scrape for a while, but THEN you need to air it out - but how do you know when you're supposed to do each one of those things? And if you do either one too much, your knee gets infected. What if I smother my heart with band-aids for too long and it gets infected? This isn't about anybody. I just keep having these dreams about someone I never expected to have dreams about and they're so intense that they keep leaking into my life and I wonder if I need to do something about them.
May 2, 2020
So Jesse's gotten really into metal music, and I tried to get her to play me something since, AS PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISHED, that's what we've literally ALWAYS DONE with music and each other, and she kinda looked at Ximena out of the corner of her eye and said like "I don't think it's really your thing" And it was the meanest thing anybody's ever said to me.
So later I looked up Zenion, the band she was talking about, and I listened to every single fucking song they've ever recorded turned up as loud as it could go with my own headphones that are better than hers anyway, and I loved it. And I didn't love it just because she said I wouldn't. I loved it because it was loud and weird and wild and when I listened to it it made me feel like it's not crazy when so feel stuff so hard it's like my heart's gonna vibrate out of my body. And I would have told Jesse all this and we could have shared it, but I guess she thinks just because I like HTB and glitter and stuff, I don't have the capacity for anything else.
She clearly doesn't know me at all. So much for any kind of whatever, why would she ever want to kiss someone she clearly sees as like a stupid baby.
May 7, 2020
The dreams are getting weirder and they're happening more. I'm getting scared to go to sleep. Not that the dreams are always scary (they almost never are, or not scary like in a typically scary horror movie way). I mean, I've only ever been me. I don't know what other peoples' dreams are like.
The other night in one I was jumping on a trampoline, which is something I've never done in real life. I told Rose about it when I woke up, and she said "do you even know how to jump on a trampoline?" and I said "Rose, it's not like riding a bike. You don't have to learn. You just jump." and then we got into this whole thing about how some things we just know, and jumping's one of them, and how that's so weird. Sometimes I really like talking to Rose about stuff.
May 19, 2020
So, it's prom season in the real world. If I lived somewhere normal, my prom dress would be pink with lots of tulle and silk flowers at the shoulders, and it would fit perfectly and trying in dresses would be fun and not anxiety-inducing.
But since there are only like 10 teenagers currently in 7MV, were not having a homecoming. Cool.
May 27, 2020
So, mom came to visit this weekend, and I asked her about her prom. She was Typical Cecelia at first, very "Prom is a waste of time and money, Marin. It's a night when lesser people play dress-up to engage with their aspirations of grandeur." And I was like eyeroll forever and just stopped talking. BUT THEN she actually talked to me like a human being. She was like, "I actually didn't go to my prom" and when I asked her why she said that she didn't have a date, and was very self-conscious about it. I almost passed out at her admitting that she's ever been anything less than perfect.
(gonna continue this in reblog)
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kinnoth · 2 years
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i have to say, as a nonprofessional pornographer who has nonetheless been writing for like, 20+ years at this point, it is insane to me watching these movies that these fucking billion dollar professional scriptwriters don't know anything about specialised business/science/military lingo either
like i'm not being paid to come up with a coherent specialised lingo -- again! i write pornography! -- so i don't. i literally just make shit up and stick it into dialogue to make people sound busy. "people sounding busy" is all i need to accomplish because my readership is gonna skim over the dialogue to get to the dick touching, so it's fine for my purposes. also, i am writing off of my like 6 year old fucking phone for an audience of 23 people max.
so IT IS INSANE to realise that this exact "people sounding busy" technique is also what the professionals are also doing.
like none of this MEANS ANYTHING
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THE INCREDIBLE LACK OF SPECIFICITY IS SO FUCKING AWESOME IT IS KILLING ME.
they clearly can't name things specifically because that would require work and research to make all of the terminology coherent, and these soulless drones aren't interested in coherency, so all this jumbo is just being thrown in there as as sonic filler to make it sound as if something pressing is happening and actual information is being exchanged.
the reality is, of course, that NOTHING is happening and NO information is being exchanged because nobody fucking cares about the actual dialogue, because the dialogue is just there to fill in time so we feel like we've earned the dick touching fight scenes
INSANE.
ETA
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this line does actually include some actual information, with actual specificity (120m K, coulomb barrier) but appropriately, they don't know what to do with that actual information and so they just mumble-fumble their way out of it by throwing some shit in there about "stabilising the quantum tunnelling effect"
good fucking god you guys, you have the time, resources, and budget to actually ASK REAL EXPERTS REAL FUCKING QUESTIONS and you're still just skimming wikipedia?
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nobrakes · 2 years
Note
hii! 🌞 — top five albums of all time?
Thank you for sending me <3
These are the albums that have defined teenage/early 20s (pov: i am 21 yrs old still but feel like I'm 90) bc i have a huge difficulty in moving on from them. How can ppl just...listen...to new stuff...every week?? I need to listen to the same things for months until i get the willingness to be like "alright need to find new shit, my Spotify wrapped depends on it".
so here we go:
1 - Blue Neighborhood by Troye Sivan: this one is sunsets sitting by my friend's pool, bike rides alone at the beach, the 6-hour drive to my godfather's funeral when i was 15, the panic attack before walking on stage in my first principal role, watching captain america: civil war 3 times in the movie theater even if i knew deep down it wasn't a good movie
2 - hopeless fountain kingdom by Halsey: my first year in law school.mp3, the soundtrack to me wandering around campus, sitting by the lake near the building had all my classes in, listening to music on the intensely crowded and claustrophobic bus rides to university, walking to ballet class by myself.
3 - Wiped Out! by The Neighbourhood: "I think I try too hard, how I look what I, what i'm saying" & "tell me something that I'll forget and you might have to tell me again, it's crazy what you do for a friend" & "go ahead and cry little girl, nobody does it like you do, i know how much it matters to you" lord
4 - Romeo and Juliet by Sergei Prokoviev: this one is a bit of cheating i think because obviously, this isn't just an album, it's a full ballet that can be orchestrated differently and has different versions. So for reference, the one I personally like to listen to is the one and recorded with the Orchestra of the Royal Ballet in London. This ballet has been on every single one of my Spotify Wrapped playlists because i listen to it on repeat. There are many brilliant things about this ballet and I could talk about it for a very very long time but I especially recommend watching two scenes, both from the Royal Ballet's production: the beginning of the ballroom scene and the balcony pas de deux The ballroom scene (part 1 and part 2) is especially dear to my heart because of the construction of the plot in just a few minutes, how the music is able to guide you to that "oh shit" moment when R & J see each other for the first time makes you believe in love at first sight </3, and the ballroom pas de deux literally SOUNDS like what being so in love you feel like you're floating, it's INSANE.
5 - O Tempo Não Pára by Cazuza: i need to mention a brazilian album and this one, in particular, I've been listening to my whole life. It's a live performance recorded in 1988, the crowd sounds always make me feel tingly and the atmosphere is very emotional 2 me personally.
Honorable mentions:
- AM & Live At Royal Albert Hall by Arctic Monkeys
- Manon Lescaut (yes another ballet) by Jules Massenet (MANON PIARLES AU WHEN?)
- You're a Man Now, Boy by Raleigh Ritchie
- Lust For Life (sorry) by Lana Del Rey (unfortunately it was the album i was listening to the most when i fell in love with my boyfriend)
- Too Weird To Live Too Rare to Die by Panic! At The Disco also known as the soundtrack to the week when i was 13 yrs old and read 14 books in a week.
ASK ME A TOP 5
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gaysie · 2 years
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Hiii kath I am late in the day here but I'm hoping maybe in a way I'll win and this will be like the last thing you see before your birthday is over... despite being in very different places I often feel as though we experienced the deep evils of being 20 years old in the same way which is like an ancient and unbreakable bond I think. I rmr a while ago you said something about how that we had communicated in some way every day since November (if this streak has broken sicne then no it hasn't) which has not left me because like looking back at all that time in a year of only the MOST epic of highs and lows youve probably been there for like. all the best times? I'm Insane I literally feel like the luckiest person in the world that I've experienced like previously unheard of amounts of joy in the middle of like the evilest time to be alive on the planet and you're responsible for like so much of that you've made me laugh more than anyone probably and I know very specifically I would be in a different and less happy place if you weren't here. Like mentally but physically I also wouldnt have a job. Goddamn. did you see thatsbshit?that's fucking crazy
YOU LITERALLY DID WIN THIS WAS THE LAST THING I SAW BEFORE SLEEPING. and if u made me cry shutup thats allowed. Kinda indescribable the immense honor and privilege it is to have gotten to spend this year in this digital space with you wtf.... literally feel that whatever 20 yr old crazey souls are made of  yours and mine are of the same. The best decision i ever made was fighting thru embarrassment awkwardness to ask for the discord link and then barging into the group I will literally not rest until you can pick me up from the airport one day ilvoeyou
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Sorry everyone for posting this publicly but also like why are viewing this blog that only exists to reblog posts from milftaylorswift..
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thefirsthogokage · 3 years
Text
Time to Hate-Watch Turner and Hooch, Episode 5
Because I am bored. And I hate myself. Of you aren't ok with me hate-watching and commenting, well then this is not the post you are looking for. Please move along.
Ah, yes, reminder of the love triangle they put in a kids copaganda show for the parents. Again. Because reminder: they did that last week.
Ew, bad shaky camera work.
Oh god she was listening to that music as a personal stake out sound track by choice? Like, why?
"You're all hopped up on juice boxes and I don't like it." I did like that line.
Laura is 5 years old.
I do like the theme song.
You know what also is weird about this supposed kids show? The episodes are nearly 50 minutes long. No kid is going to pay attention to that long of an episode.
So much natural lighting and making Hooch very yellow in some scenes and not others.
I'm probably too tired to watch this tonight.
Honestly that poor girl. Such a big crush on a very oblivious dipshit.
Branden is a fucking gift to this show. Again, I am just so glad he kept acting after Power Rangers SPD. Not many former PRs stay in the business, let alone get steady work. I'm really proud of him!
Rain. This show must be filmed in Vancouver. Actually, I vaguely remember hearing it was shot there. ... (Googles)... Haha
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I mean, air cold enough mid-day to see their breath + rain had to = Vancouver. I mean I guess Portland too. But either way, California my ass.
Dreary natural lighting. Classic Vancouver. I can't believe anyone could actually think this would look like California.
Having Laura recognize a lot of people so that they could give her information to make her getting the information super easy is certainly a choice... by writers who don't want to work to hard. Then again, I think this is supposed to be a a family friendly show...kind of. Line, this isn't a straight up specific demographic this is targeted towards. They just have done a few things I absolutely would not put in a kids show this day and age. Like, it honestly so bizarre to watch.
I'm not fond of stories like this. Guy is getting married, all aspects of the case have a relation to weddings. It's just too much happenstance in this episode. And I'm tired, I should have very little ability to notice most of the is shit tonight.
Oh god, this would be so painful if I wasn't so sleepy. Like, what the fuck are you doing, Laura. Well, at least this is showing Lyndsy's versatility and expressiveness. My god this is such a different character then Alex on Nikita.
Tired sidenote, my watermelon is very good.
Laura gets up to leave after getting this woman to hang out with her. The woman has to remind her that she doesn't know where she lives. I liked that.
"Thank you for your never-ending aquatic references." Ok, this show does have some good lines.
(This is honestly like kind of watching Lucifer. I hat the show, but occasionally there are so lines that I really like. Though I did stop watching Lucifer because I just hated it too much. I was only watching it out of boredom.)
I am really glad that they have a Native guest star. It's nice to see more Native rep on shows the past couple years.
Messaging: Kids, you gotta stand up for other kids being bullied because you are just as bad as the bullies if you just stand there. I'm really ok with this messaging. Good job, so that I mostly don't like.
I'm sorry, I'm so tired.
"His name was Jean-Luc-" Me: stares at camera in 'Robert Duncan McNeill directed this episode and is the primary Executive Producer on this show.'
For those of you who don't know, RDM was Tom Paris in Star Trek Voyager and a character who's name I can't remember that he also played on Star Trek TNG.
Fun fact, Tom Paris was initially going to be the same character he played on TNG, but something about rights blah blah blah, made that a no-go.
Sorry, back to me hate-watching while tired.
Oh god there are 21 minutes left.
Why is Laura holding a guinea pig? And why does she have a karaoke machine?
Why is Branden's character having a romantic time with his fiance while on a case? Ugh, the unprofessionalism. Like, aren't they only a two hour drive from home? Why is this happening? Do they think of distance like the British? Or people who live in Saint Louis? (Seriously, in Saint Louis some people think 20 minutes is a long drive. Granted, ten minutes is a long drive for me, but the position I have to sit in to drive really aggravates my Interstitial Cystitis (meaning I have to pee so, so bad the whole time I am in the car)).
I want to take this moment to apologize. I am very sorry about the tangents and the personal health and whatnot. But at this point I'm too tired to go bad and delete things or care about what else I'm going to write, so I'm just going to keep going without my filter on. Of you make it through this whole thing with me, bless you you sweet, sweet, probably bored soul.
🎶Ooo Heaven is a place on earth 🎶
Oh god, so much tomato stuff. All over the bathroom. The very white bathroom. Good luck with that...Scott? Is that our main characters name? Scott? I don't care to look it up at th- yeah it's Scott, Laura just said it.
Uh, shouldn't that have been made of metal? Either way, shitty craftsmanship if the dog could break it that easily.
That can't be how you train a bomb sniffing dog.
No way someone who's been a police officer for a few years wouldn't know that there are drugs on literally every bill.
Again, family show why?
Neither of them thought there would be a back door?
This while thing is insane. Not in anyway that I find entertaining. But I'd probably be more pissed if I it was more conscious. You should probably be reading all of my angry sounding things as just very tired and a bit sedate because of the tiredness.
I'm sorry Branden's character was a soldier in combat and he's never been shot? Unless I'm misremembering. But seriously, he doesn't know what getting shot in the vest fells like.
Oh look, the girlfriend fires at vehicles driving towards her too. In the same episode..I hate when things are related like that. Not upper level writing.
Why was the Secret Service also looking for those people? What? That can't possibly be their preview.
(Before I finished the episode, I discovered that for the second time this week, I did not get to the litter box fast enough (as in since this morning) to prevent my cat from moving the liner enough to pee between it and the box. So, at 11pm I had to go clean that out.)
Like this guy wouldn't know that he was copping to extortion by saying that.
God, why are they making this case the dad was working on (stupid arching plot in a family tv show why? For the adults who can tell this show is bad already?) even more complicated? Like, is this going to get Heroes level stupidly complex? Because that shit killed that show. Ok, so it probably won't be that bad...just the kids show equivalent of that bad.
Oh good for you, girl who's name I never learned! Quit the job with the evil boss! Please let her be OH NATALIE! Once again, thank you Laura for saying the name of the character whose name I wasn't sure of. What was I saying... Of yeah, I hope Natalie comes back and wasn't just on one episode. More native characters on TV please!
Oh wait, am I just realizing the girls in the live triangle were both on Glee, or did I remember that in a previous post? I know they were both on Glee from the moment I saw them in this show, but, like, I somehow didn't realize it was a very mini Glee reunion when they were in the same scene?
Wait, where did Scott wash Hooch if it wasn't in his own place the first time? Where was that bathroom? Wait, unless this isn't the bathroom in him home? I was definitely too tired to watch this. That might be saving me on the anger level, but it's certainly making it a bit difficult to keep track of some stuff.
Oh bad edit/consistency moment with the foam on Scott's face. Always hating to me.
Episode over.
Closing Thoughts: This show is still driving me insane with it's not on point demographic aiming and just silliness that isn't really good-silly, more like bad-silly. Also, I'm tired.
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sasskarian · 4 years
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I know you're not exactly a DA blog anymore... But... I just finished DA2 for the very first time and, and. I got myself Inquisition with all DLCs. I need to know what happens. I want the poor baby Cullen to be happy :(
Nonnie, I am still at my heart very much a DA blog (and Mass Effect; I just tend to smear new obsessions everywhere. Like finger painting). I curate my experience as much as I can due to the fandom being shit, but my love for DA is strong and steady. 
The best thing I can say is, play through the game and DLCs. (Tho suggested order is Jaws > Descent > Trespasser) I promise you, Cullen has the option of being happy. I wouldn’t write about it if I didn’t see those paths, and at least some of them are canon. 
I know what you mean, tho. Cullen is, to some of my friends’ dismay, near and dear to my heart. He’s my canon quiz’s romance, for many reasons. The truth is, I struggle with the fandoms’ interpretations of him and was just talking about this with my DA/FO/ME bestie @asaara-writes the other day. I think a lot of Cullen’s trauma is easily missed or overlooked in favor of louder plots (like Fenris’s, who doesn’t get hated on nearly so much for his hatred and distrust of mages, or Anders who hates Templars and is lauded for it. If I see another ANDERS WAS RIGHT banner, I’m gonna overclock somebody’s capacitors)
(Pardon me, I’ll throw this under a cut because wall of text, but I have some got-damn Opinions on Cullen and how the fandom treats him)
But for me, I’m neither in the “Cullen is poor bab who never did anything wrong uwu” or the “Cullen is a horrible bastard and should be set afire” camp. I walk a more moderate line, and here’s why:
I have a Cullen. 
My fiance, he’s... so much like Cullen that it breaks my heart. Military vet, disillusioned with his desire to do good in the world and the realities of corruption and power abuse. Substance abuse issues, and recovery from addiction. Said some bad things/had bad opinions when he was younger due to abuse by certain groups of people, and has since reformed and is trying to continue changing. Abuse survivor. Blood on his hands from his career. Trying his best to find his way in a world that he doesn’t understand. So I see the similarities, and I live with the reality of what that kind of history and life is like. 
Cullen was a fresh-faced 18 year old in the Kinloch Circle (however old his in-game image looks, he was canon 18-20). Which, by canon, was one of the less problematic, more lenient Circles (though you have to have Mage origin to find that stuff out). I don’t think he’d been a Templar long at that point. And he joined the Templars out of a desire to do good in the world. His examples of Templar behavior were those stationed in a small village, who had more leniency and less lawkeeping duties. Honnleath was tiny, and quiet. I’m going on assumption here, on my own history of small towns vs larger cities, that there wasn’t much evidence of power hunger and abuse an eight year old would notice.
Note that he remains kind and even remorseful at some of his duties (for instance, having to attend Harrowings) even under a hateful man like Greagoir.
When Uldred takes over the Circle and kills everyone, Cullen is the last left. He watches possessed mages and demons run wild in his home, killing and torturing his friends. If you’re a mage origin, he talks about how the demons used his feelings and affection for you, inappropriate though they were, to torment him. It’s implied through dialogue that at least some of those demons sexually abused him. 
Yes, in his panic and fresh trauma, he begs the Warden to kill any mages found left in the Circle. I wonder why. Tumblr at large acts like the only way for PTSD and trauma to be exhibited is through cowering and nightmares, but it’s well known among people who have PTSD (including myself) that outrage, hair trigger tempers, and anger issues are as common as crying jags and insomnia. 
After the resolution of Broken Circle, Cullen is reassigned to Kirkwall. Arguably, this is the worst possible Circle he could have been sent to in the entirety of the goddamn world. Not only is Kirkwall famous for increased blood mage activity (both due to history and also due to Templar behavior), which is one of his trauma-groups, but Meredith hates mages, and rules over them with an iron fist. She is fucking crazy, and whether her past makes her a sympathetic villain or not (ymmv), she downright encouraged the abuse of mages and as she loses her mind, we see her start accusing everyone of blood magic. 
Canon states that there are Templars in Kirkwall who sexually abuse mages, who torture them, and who kill them at will, and these are never dealt with. Meredith has no desire to change the way the Gallows is run, and it’s said or implied that before her reign as the overseer, the Gallows-- while still not great-- was not this bad. 
So, freshly traumatized and young Templar is sent to the worst possible place in Thedas, under the command of a crazed mage hater, surrounded by the very thing that will trigger him nigh constantly. I see a lot of the fandom say “well why didn’t he quit/leave?” And I wonder if those fans understand what indoctrination can do. Specifically, military indoctrination. You’re told that the ranks are your home, your family, the only ones who can or will ever understand you. You’re told this for so long that it becomes a life raft. It becomes your world truth. That’s the nature of emotional abuse that fosters codependency: it literally reshapes your world. 
Added to that, Templars are controlled by the Chantry through lyrium, an addictive drug that quitting is difficult and surviving the withdrawal of is often fatal. (that’s another rant entirely that can be summed up as tl;dr fuck the fucking Chantry)
The Templars were the only thing he knew. After that kind of soul-shaking trauma, do you leave behind everything you ever knew? (Remember, he was 13 when he joined into this kind of brainwashing.) No. You cleave to what you can, to what keeps you getting through the day. 
Cullen spent a further ten years in Kirkwall, watching the city fall apart under Qunari, blood magic, and Meredith’s increasing insanity. There was no reprieve for his PTSD: everywhere he turned, there was Something. And yet, we hear in Inquisition (depending on player choices, ofc) Samson say that Cullen tried to continue to be kind. He didn’t abuse mages, he tried to protect them where and how he could. 
[Samson: He arrived after the trouble at the ferelden circle. Cullen jumped at his shadow in those days, always on the watch for abominations and demons. Did right by the mages, though, never played rough with them. Not like Meredith.]
Was it limited? Yes. Was it hampered by circumstance? Yes. Should he have tried harder? Yes. 
But he still tried. 
Does he say regrettable things? Yes. Does he regret those things later? Yes. 
I had a friend, who I am no longer friends with for various reasons, tell me that “If Cullen was a good person, he wouldn’t need a redemption arc.” And... no, No, that’s not how redemption arcs work. Everyone does problematic things. Everyone who grows up brainwashed has to unlearn shit, and atone for shit. 
Cullen still struggles with mages. He still has a deep fear of them. Partly this is the Templar in him talking, partly this is trauma. And, here’s where we break from canon and go deep into psychology land: I think partly because he’s projecting. Cullen cannot imagine forgiveness for what he’s done. I wonder if part of him fears mages because he expects-- perhaps even some part of him desires-- retribution from them for his actions and past. 
And there’s things that have been retconned or that were misleading in previous games. For example, the rumor that Cullen escaped after Broken Circle and went on a mage murdering spree. That was nothing but a rumor, but the fandom levies it against him as if it happened.
But if Cullen “hated” mages, you wouldn’t be able to romance him as a mage. And honestly, that mage romance in DAI? Is one of the sweetest, most tender things I’ve seen in DA. As a mage, you can choose to help him past his fears, help him with his lyrium addiction. Help him grow as a person, and watch as he becomes a better person. As he learns that mages are more than their magic, and that Templars are so often wrong and awful in their treatment of them. 
I find Cullen to be well written. And believable as hell. The portrayal of him-- from the mood swings, to the trauma, to the shaky but steadying growth-- feels real, and I can back that up with my fiance’s own similar path. 
So. To wrap up because hoooooo, Opinions, play through the game. There’s a lot of gems there. <3 
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