#also I think being in purgatory would be torture for Sam just bc he believes he’s a monster and that’s where he’s gonna go when he dies or

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Okay this is gonna make no sense, so here’s to me posting random comics about AUs I pulled out of my ass 🥂🥂i spent the entire day sitting in a car and was suddenly just like, what if it was Sam who ended up in Purgatory with Cas? That way I can finally daydream about them having some (traumatizing) bonding time which they sooo needed after Cas destroyed Sam’s wall and then took on his cage scars. Then I remembered how pissed I was when they made purgatory to be this forest with nothing to do but fight each other, then I realized I can have Sam and Cas actually explore purgatory in my AU bc I’m sure Sam would be much more into it than Dean and here we are idk what I’m doing :’) also Cas is depressed after but what’s new. Here’s my comic about it sidhkvndfgkj

#spn #sam winchester #castiel #purgatory #supernatural #comic #art #fanart #digital art #pls accept my ramblings #I was literally so bored but didn’t want to think about any of my existing AUs and was just like #what if I invent purgatory lore now? and put Sam in it cause I want him there with cas thanks #also I think being in purgatory would be torture for Sam just bc he believes he’s a monster and that’s where he’s gonna go when he dies or #whatever #meanwhile cas wants to stay there and stuff bc they are the same #whateverrrr pls #I’m always so embarrassed when I just pull out whatever random ass au #this doesn’t even do much I just wanna good purgatory thanks #also if I made mistakes in the dialogue no one correct me I don’t care for this language

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some Hozier lyric title like, uhm.... "True that love in withdrawal was the weeping of me"

Fake fic title ask game

Oh, that's a nice lyric! I've heard a grand total of one Hozier song before (take me to church lol) so i'm not sure what song that's from or what the context is, but I'm assuming the line is about unrequited/repressed love making someone cry, so lets work with that.

I envision this as an angsty, frustrating-to-read slow-burn sastiel au. Cas thinks that Sam hates him for not being a good enough angel, the kind of warrior of mercy Sam grew up praying to and believing in. Sam thinks Cas hates him because Cas wants to be around Dean more than him and is more relaxed around Dean (really this is because Cas doesn't have to deal with the stress of thinking Dean hates him like he does with Sam, but Sam doesn't know that).

Time skip to the soulless Sam era. Cas finally admits that he's in love with Sam, not knowing that Sam is soulless, and Sam manipulates Cas by giving him love and affection or carefully disguised punishment to make Cas do what he wants. Dean finds out that Sam is soulless before Cas does. When Dean confronts Sam about it, Sam summons Cas and tries to trick him into killing Dean. Cas is in this weird position where he doesn't know who to believe or what's going on, so when Sam sees Cas hesitating, he captures Cas instead and tells Dean not to try to put his soul back in him or he'll kill Cas.

Cas is kidnapped, there's torture, the whole "you really thought something like you could be loved when it was you and your species that tossed me into Hell to rot? How about I make you experience exactly what you did to me" etc, etc.

Skip some more, Sam gets his soul back but he gets the wall that blocks his Hell-related and walking-soulless-on-earth-related memories, so he doesn't remember torturing Cas or Cas saying he loves him. Cas and Dean both mutually decide it's better that Sam doesn't know about the torture bc it would crush him (Dean doesn't know about the admission of love, and Cas doesn't bring it up to Dean or Sam because he thinks it's pathetic that he thought he could be loved in return). Meanwhile, Sam doesn't understand why Cas can't even stand to be in the same room as him anymore (ptsd trauma) and starts lashing out because of it, mostly at Cas, further fueling "i guess he hates me" distortion that both of them have.

More skipping, a complete throwing out of the "Cas breaking Sam's Hell wall" arc, etc etc, and Cas dies while getting the Purgatory souls out of him and back into Purgatory. He gets brought back to life without his memories, like Emmanuel, and Sam and Dean have to help him remember who he is. After he's back to normal, he realizes he needs to tell Sam what happened between them while Sam was soulless because that's what he'd want in Sam's position-- it's what he DID want when he lost his memories.

It takes a whole lot of work, but they do get over their emotional repression, agree not to keep secrets ever again, they start dating/being in a qpr/whatever, and there you go, happily ever after!

Alternate ideas I had for this ask include:

- A calthazar Merlin au with Bal as Merlin and Cas as Arthur (the syntax for the lyric just feels kinda old-timey, and obviously Merlin is old-timey lol). Bal and Cas are in love but have to hide their affection from each other because of homophobia/difference in social class/ magical reasons/ arranged marriage for Cas. There... there's a lot of reasons they have to hide their affection for each other, okay?

- A Jack Kline-centric fic about Jack realizing that no matter how hard he tries, he'll never be good enough to earn Dean's (paternal) love. But he also realizes that he doesn't need it. He, Sam, and Cas run away and have their own happily ever after. There'd definitely be a few consecutive chapters of it where, when you put them together, it reads "True That Love/ In Withdrawal/ Gave Me Reason/ To Look Inside Myself And Leave/ For Mine Own Betterment"

#thanks for the ask! #this was so much fun to think about!! #sastiel #castiel #sam winchester #i'd tell you god's name if you asked #i feel like there's a way to keep the leviathan arc intact here but idk how #idk how to throw the leviathan in while also keeping it sastiel centric #*adds this to the list of aus that will plague me for the next few days*