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irritablepoe · 10 months

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Your Help Heals All My Wounds (Chapter 1)

^^^^check out the link as well, it'll get you to the full ao3 fic :3

Fandom: Crime and Punishment

Ships: Raskolnikov/Razumikhin

Tags: Idiots in Love, Mutual Pining, Hurt/Comfort, Self-Esteem Issues, Angst with a Happy Ending

Cw: Internalized Homophobia (not in this chapter tho)

Summary: Raskolnikov's penalty is coming to an end. Razumikhin suggests his plans for the future which involve Raskolnikov and a few more feelings than he had planned on. Meanwhile Dunya and Sonya are holding hands.

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Razumikhin was not surprised when he found out Raskolnikov was responsible for the murders. However he was devastated when he found out that Sonya had known the story the whole time. Now Razumikhin found himself in an endless circle of blame and guilt. He should have checked up on Raskolnikov when he isolated himself. He should have been more attentive, more engaging with him. Instead he had done what he always did: talking way too much. But on the other hand he was angry with Raskolnikov. Was he not trustworthy enough? Was he not a good enough friend? He had done everything; he had bought Rodya new clothes, a pillow, made sure he wouldn’t accidently throw himself down the stairs in his feverish delirium. He’d never left Dunya or his mother until she died.

Now that Rodya was in Siberia, he found himself unable to think of anything else other than him. One time he visited him. He had looked pale and sickly, like he always did, but his arms were more muscular than before. Razumikhin wondered how Rodya survived in this unforgiving environment. He couldn’t help thinking of Rodya as someone he had to protect. He was always so ill, fragile almost, but Razumikhin had also known there was a fire beneath the pale skin. This fire had ended in tragedy. The tragedy didn’t however extinguish the flames. He had seen the dark circles under Rodyas eyes. He couldn’t sleep so that meant he was thinking about something. His mind was wandering, working. Always working. Razumikhin wished he could do something to calm his mind. To make all the tragedies undone. He said so when he had met Rodya once again. He had looked a little better. New purpose seemed to glitter in his eyes. Razumikhin wondered what could have changed while he was away.

“I appreciate your effort, dear friend. But I myself am responsible. And I’m neither ashamed nor do I regret what I did.”, he had said.

Razumikhin remembered how startled he was. Rodya had never called him a dear friend, had he? Especially not without the usual ironic undertones. His voice was genuine, soft. Something warm had spread within Razumikhin. Even now, that he remembered the words.

“I wish I could bring you home.”, Razumikhin had answered.

“I would enjoy that.”, Raskolnikov had said with a small smile, “but I’m afraid you have to wait for me little longer.”

Rodya had taken his hand and given it a squeeze. Razumikhin still felt it in his bones, on his skin. “How is my sister?”, he had added.

“She mourns but she’s tough.”

He had looked to the ground. “Are you with her?” There was something in his words, more than Rodya would ever say. But Razumikhin had understood a long time ago that his friend was way too cryptic that he could possibly grasp everything he was saying or not saying.

“I visit your sister regularly.”, he had said at last.

Rodya had seemed pleased. “Good. Thank you.”

“I promised to not leave her alone.”

“You are a good man, Razumikhin.”

A tingle had made his way down Razumikhin’s spine. “I left you.”

Rodya had shook his head. “No, you didn’t. I disappeared. I wanted to visit you on multiple occasions but… I couldn’t. I should have though.”

“You did once. I realise now that you were feverish and the whole thing was already done, but you came to me.”

Raskolnikov had thought about that for a long time. “I did. I forgot.” He had been silent again. “You came to me.”

“Yes. I was worried about you, Rodya.”

There had been a bitter grimace on Rodya’s face. “I don’t want you to worry about me.”

“But I do. I said it before, but you wouldn’t listen. Many people care about you. If you want it or not, I will help you. And I will help you gladly. Do you understand me now? Do you understand me? You’re always asking me if I understand you but do you understand me then? I understand you better than you would ever imagine and, yes, I may be a fool! The most foolish fool to ever exist for not realising what you wanted to tell me all those nights ago, but I do know this: you think you have to do everything alone. That you’d be better off when everyone is leaving you alone. Well I don’t think so! If not for me, where would you be, hm? If not for you, where would I be?”

“Razumikhin, you don’t understand!”, Raskolnikov had shouted, “You should not care about me.”

“And why not?”

“Because I’m a murderer. And you’re a good man.”

“And you’re telling me that you’re a bad man?”

“What else can I be? What else could I possibly be! I murdered two women and I don’t feel sorry. I simply cannot feel sorry! I had reason! Had a theory that would justify everything I’ve done. Of course I’ve proven myself wrong. I’m wrong and a louse, for sure! I was given the chance to end it all but I refused, still thinking I’m above shame, above guilt! So proud, oh, too proud! Where’s the goodness in that?”

“I see it in you. No matter what! I’ve seen what you’re capable of when you’re in your right mind. You’ve saved people you don’t even know. And I think the greatest man is also capable of causing the most pain. It’s a matter of choice. You just have to accept my help – or anyone’s help for devil’s sake! I don’t give a damn! But you are a good man and no one will ever convince me otherwise. Least of all you!”

“You’re a fool indeed then!”, Raskolnikov had snapped.

“I am, so what?”

“You’re blinded.”

“I see clearer than ever, Rodya.”

Raskolnikov looked at him with narrow eyes. “Do you, now?”

And Razumikhin realised that maybe he didn’t. “At least I want to, Rodya. Please tell me what’s on your mind; tell me how to help!”

Raskolnikov was quiet and Razumikhin had left with only a few words of goodbye. Now Razumikhin was laying in a cheap bed on the first floor of an even cheaper inn, unable to sleep, unable to think straight. What had been on Rodya’s mind? He would have given anything to know. Why couldn’t Rodya just talk? Why was he always so secretive? And why was he, Razumikhin, such a fool? Why couldn’t he just let it be? Raskolnikov once said that he didn’t care for Razumikhin’s help. Was Razumikhin helping him because he knew it was a lie? Was Rodya so defensive because he actually enjoyed his help, his company?

#crime and punishment #raskolnikov #razumikhin #dunya raskolnikov #sonya marmeladova #c&p #rodion romanovich raskolnikov #crime and punishment fanfic #fanfic

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ragetears · 10 months

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I'm nothing

“I don’t want to be anything.”

I told you this when my chest started growing. When I got my first period. 11 years old. You said - everyone said - it meant I was a woman now. I told you I didn’t want to be a woman. “So you want to be a man?” you scoffed, everyone scoffed. “No.” I said.

“I don’t want to be anything.”

“I just want to be me.”

But I couldn’t be me without being a woman first. Woman. Woman. Woman. No other options. I was me but only in the context of “me” being a woman. So who am I to you? How can it be surprising when I tell you I’m just myself now? How can you act like no one would have seen it coming?

“Well,” You said to me, “that’s stupid.”

I’m starving myself. Trying to look like whatever “not a woman” is. Trying not to look like anything. I’m 16 years old, embarrassed. I let you take me to doctor after doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with me, too ashamed to admit the truth (I’m just not eating). They found something - the damage I did to myself (they thought it was natural, a fluke, another weird symptom for an already medically complicated child) - and gave me medicine that made me too hungry to starve anymore. I was devastated.

I’ve permanently fucked up my body. I’m unable to get hungry without also getting nauseous enough to puke. Yet I still can’t help but think, when I look at my oversized chest, that maybe skipping lunch today would be a good idea. Mornings are rough.

I’m 19 years old and my depression is worse than ever. I’m gaining more weight, gaining more “woman”. All I want to do is die. You think I’m not trying hard enough. I come out. You give me a book about an “ex-gay woman finding god”. Everything hurts. I feel alone, I want to die. Woman. Woman. Woman. That’s all I’ll ever be.

I’m the image of a woman now. Picturesque, hourglass, large chested, wide waisted, round faced. Picturesque becomes grotesque in the mirror, in my mind. Woman. Woman. Woman. That’s all I can see. That’s all anyone sees. I’m not me anymore. Have I ever been me? I can’t remember the last time I knew who “me” was.

I’ll get over it. I’m just being dramatic. Following the trends. I can feel everyone behind my back laughing at me for being so juvenile. So stupid.

What happened? I gained a little courage. Just a little bit. I changed my name. Cut my hair. You still make comments - when I cried over my dying dog all you had to say was “See? You are a girl after all.”. Go fuck yourself. Girl. Girl. Girl. Woman. Woman. Woman. That’s all I’ll ever be to you. To anyone.

I ache with the longing of freedom. “I’m not a woman” I want to scream.

I’m not anything. I’m just me.

#personal essay?#I think?#queer #writing #personal nonsense #gender #tw eating issues

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ningyousaiban · 1 year

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A warning for this post: It will be long, serious, and it will contain serious and triggering topics. In short, it's a vent post. But I want to let this all out.

Hoo boy, I feel like doing a retrospective on January, even if it's not even halfway done.

My life did a 180° and I couldn't be more happier. I'm genuinely crying tears of happiness from how happy I am that I became better. The funniest part? All I needed was one specific person out of my life.

I had a best friend since 2018, and... They ditched me at the end of November 2022, after going with them to a game con and telling me that I ignored them all the time (even though they were on their phone all of the time while I was with them). I was devastated. I saw them as the only person who loved me and the fact that I made them so angry to the point they left me made me hate myself even more back then. To the point where the intrusive thoughts (if you know what I mean) wouldn’t stop. But honestly, after looking back... It was obvious they were REALLY distant towards me. They lashed out on me several times for not helping them, because I genuinely didn’t know how to help them, and on one occassion, they even threatened (TRIGGER WARNING) suicide because I went a bit silent. Talking with them started feeling more and more like walking in a minefield. Eventually it got to the point where I felt so much like a burden to them that every time I went to their place I would cry and contemplate doing something bad to myself. And I thought this was all love. I tried my hardest, my absolute damn hardest to help them feel better, but all that did was make ME feel worse. Nothing helped them. I am not a saint but I think that I put more effort into this. They still (....most of the time, they once left for like 2 days and when I called them they didn’t answer at all..) were there when I needed them and I appreciate that. But even their partner said that they could tell I cared about them.

After they ditched me, after a few really hard days, without much sleep or eating, I noticed how... Free I felt... No more feeling anxious that they would lash out on me, nothing. I felt calm for the first time in 4 years. And my life finally started going uphill. I took a train to a city with my friends, that I knew before I even knew this ex-friend. It was the most amazing trip of my life so far. I had so much fun playing games in the arcade with them, I went to gigs with them... And then 2023 rolled around, I started going to the gym, went with more gigs with my friends, and just overall spent more time with them, rather than being cooped up inside my room like I was when I was still talking to that ex-friend. My friend group immediately told me I could come see them when I told them about this, and that just makes me so happy... I am genuinely glad to have these friends and I love them. We also play a lot of Gmod, and they got into Half-Life as well!! And they keep asking me stuff about the lore and they know that it makes me so happy! I feel like with them I don’t have to mask myself, I can be a weirdo around them without feeling judged like before... And they don’t mind that I’m weird at all!!! Not to mention that games like Touhou and Half-Life made me cope with these 4 years... Hell, Valve is literally the reason why I am still around, I’d say, because HL2 literally inspired me to be a concept and game artist, and I will go to a uni with that course after I finish high school.

The thing that happened with my ex-friend still stings and I still cry over it, but that is to be expected, I can’t move on from someone who I talked to everyday for the last 4 years so quickly. It hurts to even think about them, especially when they appear in my dreams, sometimes I even see their dad in public and I just start shaking and tearing up from how remembering how much I was mistreated back then. But all that matters is that now I am happier, and that I still work on myself. I am a bit ashamed to admit that I want to befriend some people here on Tumblr that follow me, but I am too scared ^^;;;;;, so I want to work on that as well!!

And, if you read all of this, have cookies, thank you for reading this wall of text...! 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪

#tw vent #vent #venting

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tytrack · 1 year

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hello, i originally sent that ask and i wanted to say for lack of a better word it’s insane how similar our experiences are in terms of friendships falling apart. i also feel like it’s my fault and it has really impacted how i view myself and how i make friends moving forward. i have always craved that deep and loving friendship where i could be vulnerable; there was a text post i read recently that went something along the lines of love is them staying when they find out what you really are and it felt devastating because my friend’s knee jerk reaction was to abandon me when they found out “what i was” and it makes me feel deeply ashamed and sad. though i know i am not entitled to anyone staying with me i hoped that they would because i had never felt that connection with someone before. they actually emailed me after the initial falling out apologising but when i tried to reach out and reply on multiple occasions everything went undelivered or left on read. my last option is traditional mail but i worry that all of my responses are just being ignored deliberately (which is okay) and that i am crossing their boundaries. i’m not sure where i was going with all of this but thank you for your words and it is comforting to know that i am not alone in my experiences. i wish for your continued growth and healing

hi i want to clarify that i’m in a really good place in terms of my friendships and i healed from the falling out with my ex friend years ago. but i feel for you because i know how it goes to blame yourself, and alter the way you interact with others…like it really fucks you up on a fundamental level. it sounds like they weren’t good enough to be your friend, because that’s really the baseline for a friendship. there’s no reason for you to feel ashamed and sad. though of course! of course it hurts that they’re not willing to step up to the plate and accept all of who you are. but believe me that you will meet people who will do and then some. that’s why i can tell you that from the other side, when things have passed and run their course, you will have found yourself around people who care and love you and support you regardless. i know it’s hard to believe that right now. but trust that losing them is a loss for them and not for you. i think them apologizing to you is a sign that they feel guilt and wanted to communicate to you to absolve some of that, but the undelivered messages show that they’re not brave enough to have an actual conversation or willing to hear from your end. it feels cowardly. more than respecting their boundaries, i would respect yours, meaning that there’s no use trying to constantly be vulnerable and ask them to come back or communicate with them, all the while being so exhausted through this whole process. you don’t need to ask for them back and i know that feels hard to hear. i don’t know if this was helpful, but i hope you are able to heal from these experiences and surround yourself with people who will love you unconditionally

#replies #anonymous

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futuremrsreid · 3 years

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Baby Steps

Request: @gubswh0re requested: "hi! could you do 20,25 & 48 from the promt list all in one? would be amazing, thank you!!"

Summary: A case gone wrong and Spencer blames himself. Reader tries to make him feel better.

Couple: Spencer Reid x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, angst, a bit of fluff if you never felt happiness before

CW: sad as fuck uhm I lowkey broke my own heart but its also really sweet

Word Count: 1,9k

If I had to describe Spencer Reid handling his emotions in two words, they would be “quiet suffering”. In the two years I have known him he only opened up a handful of times. Not in the sense of him never talking about his past or things that happened to him, but whenever he talked about these things, he tells them like one of his facts. He tells you that his mother has schizophrenia, but he doesn't tell you how he feels about it. It always reminds me of a medical anamnesis.

On rare occasions, he would break. Everything became too much, even for him. I remember the first time I witnessed it very clearly. It was after he visited his mom for a few days and, from what he told me, she was in such a bad condition that she didn’t even recognize him. He was devastated and when he was on his way back he drove straight to my apartment, not knowing how to deal with everything. Spencer didn’t call or text before he arrived there and saying I was surprised when I opened my door doesn't even come close. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks. Truth be told, I was very overwhelmed so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled him inside and hugged him as hard as humanly possible.

In the office everyone always jokes about Dr Reid and his fear of human touch, but he hugged me back so hard that breathing became just a little difficult, and in that moment I realized the reason he doesn’t hug people isn’t because of his fear of bacteria. It’s because of the closeness of it. My heart cracked then.

The next discovery I made was that Spencer is a quiet cryer. I didn’t even notice it until his tears started seeping through my shirt and I could feel the wetness. I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I could feel him calming down a bit, I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. He was extremely embarrassed and started to pull away completely to cover his face with his hands, but I’m too stubborn for that, so I grabbed his wrists and made him look at me. He started crying again then.

It took an hour until he started telling me what got him so upset and after that we talked the whole night, about his mother, her sickness and everything related to it. I always hoped that he would open up about it eventually, but when he finally did, I couldn’t handle it very well. I tried not to cry myself, but that is hard when the person you love most breaks down in front of you like that.

That night I held him close, let him lie on my chest, played with his hair - everything to try and make his pain go away. And after that day I thought things would have changed, that he would stop hiding and open up more to me, but I was very wrong. When he woke up the next morning he apologized about a hundred times and no words or reassurance made him less ashamed. Afterwards he tried to act like nothing had ever happened.

So in conclusion: I had done a lot of difficult tasks in my life, but getting Spencer Reid to talk about his feelings was by far the most difficult. Nonetheless, today was one of those rare days.

We just came back from a really shitty case that resulted in more victims than it should have due to the police department holding back evidence. It was messy and frustrating and exhausting. Spencer was there when one of the victims was shot and he blamed himself for not preventing it, even though we all told them that there was no chance that he could have done it.

And as if the case itself wasn't bad enough, we were stuck for more time back in the office to do the paperwork. When the clock turned 8 pm Hotch came out of his office to tell us to go home. We all sighed in relief and started packing up our things. All of us except a particular dr. He was still sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. I watched him for a while, contemplating what to do, and after everyone said their goodbyes, I walked over to him.

“Come on. I’ll take you home”, I said, leaning on his desk trying to catch his eyes with mine. No luck.

“I still have work to do, I’ll take the subway home later.” He continued typing like i wasn’t even there and I got frustrated. The case was already bad enough and I would not stand here watching him torture himself.

“That wasn’t a request, Spencer.” I didn’t intend to sound so harsh but hey, at least it made him look at me. “We are gonna leave. Now.” He opened his mouth to protest and closed it again, he knew better than to argue with me. My eyes said it all: If he would stay, I would stay. And since Spencer Reid cares about everyone but himself, he closed his computer and packed up his things.

The walk to my car was quiet, and so were the first 5 minutes of driving. I kept glancing at him from the driver's seat, but he was looking out of the window, lost in thought. The guy on the radio made a stupid comment and normally he would have immidiatly complained, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear it. His brain is a beautiful place with a million facts and ideas, yet I can imagine how scary it can be as well. When Spencer gets really lost in his thoughts he begins to spiral and I can just guess that that is what happened at that moment. Only then I came to the conclusion that he wanted to stay and work because that would distract him from anything going on inside.

“Talk to me, Spence.” My tone was pleading, practically begging at this point.

“I’m fine, y/n.” I sighed. I was thinking about just letting it go, but then I thought about him alone in his apartment, stuck in this beautiful scary brain of his. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I took a deep breath. If you're lost, stick to what you know.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”, he turned to me with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Do you trust me?”, I asked again, looking him in the eyes this time.

“Of course I trust you. Why are you even asking me this?”

“We’re making a detour. I’m gonna show you something.” My words didn’t leave room for questions so we just fell silent again. He continued to watch me with a questioning look, but i tried to ignore him. I was too focused on taking the right turns anyway. It was hard to find my way in the dark, but 5 minutes later we were there. I got out of the car and waited for Spencer to do the same and after he did, he seemed more confused than ever. I walked over to the familiar building and fished for a key at the same moment.

“What is this place?”

“It’s an art gallery. My mom used to work here.” I found what I was looking for and started to unlock the door.

“And you just have a key to this place?” If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed at his confusion, however, the circumstances weren’t different.

“Yep.” The door opened and I looked for the light switch. “Come on, just follow me.”

I led us up the 5 flights of stairs and then, after 2 more doors we were finally there. The place that has been the only place I called home for the years before I joined the team.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We’re not breaking in right now, are we?” At this I did laugh. I stepped further onto the rooftop.

“Relax Spence, we are not breaking any laws.” He was still hesitant so I took his hand and pulled him to the edge. The railing was high, meaning there was no danger of falling down. I let go of his hand and leaned on it. The building was on a small hill and since it had a few stories, you were able to look over a big part of the city. It was always a beautiful view, but that night was extra special. It was a Friday in the late summer, which didn’t only mean the sky was clear, there were also a lot of traffic lights and buildings that shone bright.

I just watched and after a few minutes Spencer stood beside me and did the same. Some time passed before I broke the silence.

“How many people are living in the US?” He didn’t hesitate before answering. It was like a reflex for him by now. I liked to ask random questions all the time and to this day, he always had an answer.

“331.002.651 people.” I paused for a few seconds.

“You can’t protect all of them, Spencer.”

“Y/n I-”

“I mean it, Spence. It is humanly impossible to protect everyone. You can protect some of them, maybe even a lot, but you won’t ever be able to do that if you keep beating yourself up over incidents like today.” He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. “I know how you feel and I know it’s not easy. There was no chance for you to save that girl, Spencer. Zero. And if you can’t accept that, you will lose yourself. And then you won’t be able to save anyone anymore.” I know it was harsh, however, sometimes that's the only language he understands.

“You could have said all of that in the car.” He paused. “Why did you take me here?” I didn’t expect him to comment on what I said. He knew I was right, that’s all I needed.

“My mom sometimes took me with her on her shifts and after she was done we would go up here. After she died the owner gave me a key so that I could come here every time I needed it. Or needed her.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore. This place was the only thing making me feel at home for years and I came almost every day, but when I started working at the BAU I stopped going here more and more. And now I don’t really need it anymore, because my apartment finally started feeling like home. Especially when you are there.” I looked at him while saying that last sentence and I saw him smile for the first time in days. His eyes caught mine.

“Thank you, y/n.” Those words could have many different meanings. Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for staying. Thank you for making me feel better. But it didn’t matter what he meant, because I knew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“I think I’d like to stay for a bit longer.”

And that's what we did. We stayed there for hours. That night we talked through every possible way of how Spencer could have acted differently, yet every scenario ended with the death of that girl. After that he finally accepted that it wasn’t his fault. Baby steps.

#spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #reider #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #this one hurt ngl

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aleksa-sims · 2 years

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My RL gameplay (18+)

CW addiction, heartbreak, depression

There I was now! Back with my parents in my “new” room with a broken heart and new pills I got at the addiction clinic a few days ago. I was such a mess & totally devastated. 😢 I think I haven’t left my room for almost a week and didn’t let anyone in, except Ana, because otherwise my parents would have gone crazy and I had to eat & drink, of course. But I didn’t really eat anyway. I didn’t go to work either. I called in sick and my dad went to my office and talked to my instructor/boss. He told her, that I was feeling very bad and he doesn’t know when exactly I’m going to come back. He brought her my sick report I had from my doc. I was in the addiction clinic in psychiatric treatment. Yeah, I know! 😔🤦‍♀️ That doesn’t sound good. I have to go to the clinic every 4 days and do a drug test under supervision again and I am treated twice a week by a psychologist. On my first appointment, I only said two sentences! I just briefly explained, why I’m here & what happened. After that, I didn’t say a word! I just didn’t have the strength to talk about it. This doctor was very nice and didn’t bother me with any more questions, but he talked to my parents and prescribed me sleeping pills and a sedative, which I should only take in case of emergency, if my panic attacks occur again. I did not take this sedative anyway and the sleeping pills only in the first 3 days.

On the 3rd day my parents took my things from my apartment, which I wanted here. Things that were important to me and all the plants I had in my apartment that I had from N.’s mom. In the beginning, these plants really annoyed me, but over time, I liked taking care of them & I didn’t want to let them just.....die, in my apartment. In my room here, I already had furniture and actually everything, but all my clutter and all the stuff I loved so much, all these things, had to be brought here. This was just important to me. That’s why on the third day I started to set up my new little home with all the things I had. Ana came back to my room to bring me food and every time she came, it looked different. I always have to adjust everything until I know how I really want it. Usually, I love doing this! But this time, it was the purest torture for me. Everything I had from my apartment, was associated with a memory I had with N. Well, and that really fucked me up! Maybe that wasn’t such a good idea? 😞 😢 Maybe I should have just left all these things in their place in our apartment. And actually, I had planned to go back home after a few weeks. But I realized, that I probably won’t be able to stand it in our apartment alone. I felt like I couldn’t forget N. and I could never get rid of that pain.🤦‍♀️ 😭 I was desperate and my parents were really worried about me. They haven’t mentioned Nico once, since I’ve been here, nobody! Not even Ana & I didn’t talk about him either. 😞 Philip told my parents what happened. Yeah, and as for Philip, I haven’t seen him since he brought me here. I didn’t want him to see me like this! I was afraid he’d get it wrong and think that I only loved N and not him. And I was ashamed of myself, for looking like shit. 🙈

It had been 1 week now. Ana came to my room and we talked.

Ana: Wow, looks cozy here, sis! I’m even a bit jealous! I should have taken this room. 🤔 But why is your bed on this platform? This is actually meant for the wardrobe or a huge dresser! Like a....walk-in closet. That’s why I didn’t want this room, I don’t like this weird corner there, and it’s way too small for my dresser.

Me: For me it’s ok. I noticed when I put my bed there, I have much more space here and it looks like such a small apartment, you know?

Me: And where is your wardrobe now?

Me: Well, that's a good question! 🤔 I’ll have to figure something out. 🤷‍♀️ I can use that clothes rail by the bed for my clothes. That’s enough for me for the beginning and I also have a small dresser. I don’t have as much stuff as you! You’re a total freak when it comes to your shoes and handbags. I don’t have that problem! 🤨 😬

Ana: But for that you have skincare products everywhere!! 😦 🤷‍♀️ Here are lipsticks...on your DESK, your parufumes....Oh yes, and of course a body lotion must be next to your bed! 🤨 Do you use this body lotion in your sleep?.... And all these candles! Who needs that, A.? 🤦‍♀️

Me: Don't... don't touch my stuff! 🤨 And.... N. gave this to me! He knew I ......liked all this stuff. 😭.... I should have gone with him! 😢 I called him so many times, but he didn’t have his phone on or a new number. 😭

Ana: Fuck!😨 Please don’t A.! Stop crying! You already look totally sick, please stop! 🙁.... What happened to your eyes? Why did you get this ....rash, what is that?

Me: Idk? 😔 Either side effects from the new pills.... or because I cry so much. I think that comes from all that stress I have rn. Like those bruises I had when I was bullied. And.......you thought Nico did this to me.😭 😭 ......But this shit now, he really did to me! 😢

Ana: How about you see Philip again? I think that would be good for you. He was here yesterday, but you didn’t let him in your room. Why? 😟

Me: What? 😧 P. was here? I never open my door, I thought it was Mom or Dad, why didn’t you let him in. You have my second key.

Ana: I thought you knew it was P.! But don’t worry, he was in a good mood A.! But he misses you and worries about you. He said you never pick up when he calls. You just text him.

Me: I don’t want to cry on the phone.😭

Ana: I told him you got sleeping pills and that you were sleeping all the time. He was so sad A.! 😟 I felt so sorry for him..... and he helped me with my homework, which was pretty cool. 🙂

Me: You don’t have to worry about Philip or keep him busy, I’ll do it myself when I’m better. 😢 😒

Ana: OH! 😲 ...Sorry! I was just nice to him! I don’t want him back! Just in case you think that. Ok? 😟... And he doesn’t love me, he loves YOU! You know? And....... I love my boyfriend. 😳

Me: What? Yo fell for your.... vampire-boyfriend, for real? 😲

Ana: Just...forget that. 🙈 I’m sorry, A.! Terrible timing... 🤦‍♀️

Me: No, it’s ok! 😔 I’m happy for you! 🙂 .....I want to be alone again, and if P. comes back, let me know. 😞

Ana: Just one thing, A.! Please let Mom in your room! She’s sick worried about you! You’ve been in here for a week now. Or come down to us, please Aleksa! 🙁

Me: Maybe I’ll come out of my room tomorrow for dinner, but... okay, if mom wants, let her in.

When Ana left, I went back to my bed and thought about Philip. If I am ready to see him? I missed him so much! But when I fell asleep, I dreamed of N. I dreamed that we were in our apartment and he was hugging me. It felt so real 😭. I could even smell him! But I quickly woke up again and started crying. I just regretted that I didn’t go with him, and that’s when my mom came into my room. She just got home from work. The rest is under the cut as always lately! 😬 🤷‍♀️ It’s just too much because a lot has happened and I don’t want to do 3 posts on the same topic.

Mom: Heyyy....you’re crying? 😧 Did you have a nightmare?

Me: No, I dreamed about him...my reality is a nightmare. You know? When is this gonna stop? This pain! I don’t want this anymore, Mom.😭

Mom: If I only could, I would get you out of it right away, or take it all on myself, but....all I can do is to be there for you! 😢

Me: I should have listened to you when you warned Philip & me about this. But I trusted N.! I only did what he wanted me to do and yet, he left me.😭 😭 I always do everything wrong. 😞

Mom: Yes, N. made a huge mistake! But he didn’t leave you because he no longer loves you or wants you. He just wants you to stop taking drugs. He knows he can’t help you anymore, and everything just gets worse because he can’t be with you. But.... Philip can be with you, and you have us, your family! That’s what Nico thought! And that’s why he left A.! But it’s not your fault! 😞

Me: No, Mom! Nico wanted to leave and he just doesn’t want me anymore.😩 😭 He even wanted to stop with soccer. He was unhappy, and why all this? Because of me! 😢

Mom: One thing I can promise you A.! Give yourself time! Believe me, the more time goes by, the easier it gets, and in a few months you will be stronger and more confident than before. Just because you made it! And you are still so young, you will fall in love so many times in your life.

Me: I just know that N. was the right one for me, but it’s okay Mom! 🙁 And this isn’t the first time I’ve had a heartbreak. And you know it! But this time, I just know....... that N. was or is someone special and important to me. 😭

Mom: I think you should talk to P. Maybe it’ll help you understand. And you can be wrong too, A.! Maybe it’s P.and not N.? Idk either? Maybe it’s somebody else. But, Philip is here and he loves you!

Me: I know! And I love Philip, too. This is totally crazy, but I know that P. is someone important to me too, who just belongs to me! That’s why I couldn’t decide! You know? That’s what drove me so crazy, I love them both, Mom! 😢 😭

Mom: If you care about Philip as much as you say, then you should talk to him A.! That’s the only way this whole mess will be solved, and Nico knew it, because it couldn’t go on like it was. One had to leave. And over time, you’ll know what you want & who you want. And this pain that you have now, it will pass! You’ll see! 😟.....And this rash under your eyes, your doc should take a look at this.

Me: Yes, tomorrow at the clinic I will have this checked out.

Mom: And come get dressed and come down to us. The weather is nice, you should get some fresh air. I'll cook you dinner. Whatever you like, ok? 😟 And you don’t have to worry about your dad! He won’t say anything about this!!

Me: Ok. 😢 😞

I went down to my family. I sat with Ana outside and it was good for me to get some fresh air. I immediately felt more alive. Outside in daylight, Ana immediately noticed my regrown eyebrows. I just looked horrible, like an undead. Especially because of this rash I had under my eyes and my hair was totally messed up. I usually straighten my hair every day! I have natural curls and so my hair just looks terrible. Ana really wanted to talk me into planning a date with Philip, so I could make myself up a bit. She just couldn’t stand my look. Ana planned an all-round renewal for me to make me feel better again. And yes, I should do this quickly, because in 2 days I go back to work and how I looked rn, I just can not show up like this there!! I think after a little more than 10 days, I should slowly get back up. If only this were so simple! 😢 And let’s see if I can meet Philip. I didn’t dare to meet P.! 🙈 I was afraid he would leave me immediately, as horrible as I looked. Hopefully it will get better! Especially this rash under my eyes. I just can’t cry that much anymore! 🤷‍♀️

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#ts4 #sims 4 #sims 4 story #my rl with my simself #simself #myrlgameplay #18+ content #cw addiction #cw heartbreak #cw depression

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arcadejohn127-9 · 3 years

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Can you do a headcannon with the undateables now dateables please?? 😁 with an mc that wears a ton of make up and one day she doesn't cuz she forgot and they are like astounded by mcs looks and compliment them and tell them they don't need to wear so much cuz they are beautiful! Thank you!!!

I'm sure you didn't mean it for it to be like this, but this ask has a "I got stuff that's internalised" vibes and so I'm going to make this a teaching moment.

To Everyone who follows, wearing makeup or not is up to you - how much you wear is your bussiness. Besides, what is considered 'alot' could be a natural look depending on how many products you use.

I personally don't use foundation or concealer, my face is spotless and smooth and I incorporate my eyebags into my eye looks. But there's still the amount of eyeshadow I use as contour, actual eyeshadow, eyeliner guide and even to add more vibrance or odd colours to my lips. I also use eyeliner. Which doesn't seem like alot but its full face look.

Your makeup is your business and you shouldn't shame those who do wear it or those who don't nor should you rely on a man or woman to tell you when you look good. Your always look good, period. The trope of girls who stops wearing loads of makeup turns out to be naturally pretty just links to a mindset that people who do wear makeup only wear it because their ugly or trying to hide their true appearance.

Which is stupid because unless you're going out your way to do face morph looks, makeup is used to enhance features you already have. It just helps to bring attention to how pretty your features are.

"they don't need to wear so much because they're beautiful!" You don't stop being beautiful when you put makeup on. Again how much you wear and what you do with your appearance is your bussiness.

But I think that's enough of me going on, let's actually get into this.

Diavolo:

"ah, what a surprise, you're not wearing your makeup today, did something happen?"

He looked at your curiously

You dissmivley waved your hand, smiling

"Oh-! Yeah- I forgot to do it this morning and didn't want to run late for class, that's all."

"you look stunning might I add without it, it's a refreshing change - that sounded rude...I didn't mean for it come out like that."

He immediately looked guilty

Hand over his mouth realizing his words, he his lips pursed

It looked like he was internally beating himself up about it

You decided to be nice, patting his shoulder, seeing he didn't mean for it come out like that

"You're right, I am stunning but yeah, I get what you mean, it's new and I look good without it but I also good in it! It makes me feel good and lets me show off my favourite features."

You used your hands to shape and point out said features

Diavolo intently watched your hands but still had a guilty and apologetic expression

"I see, forgive my rudeness I never intended to imply anything, I'm glad you have something that makes you feel confident and happy."

"it's okay, Dia, perhaps I can do a look on you aswell? Show you the appeal."

Diavolo could be a child at heart and he almost squealed

He has been interested by your makeup ever since you've arrived

But instead of letting himself show his full excitement he nodded, grinning

He was aware of his butler's eyes on him aswell as Lucifer's

"I'd be delighted to."

Barbatos:

"I had a feeling I'd see a surprise today, it appears it was you, is there a reason you've decided to not do your usual look?"

"it sounds silly but just forgot, I was so tired this morning I'm pretty sure I dreamed doing my routine and couldn't tell the difference."

You laughed at yourself, gently scratching your cheek

You were embarassed by how easily tricked you were by your tired mind but you couldn't really blame yourself

You haven't been sleeping much so after finally getting the best sleep in your life you were bound to get groggy

He smiled, tilting his head to the side

His eyes looked as if he was scolding you

"thats abit alarming, get your needed sleep though the change isn't uninvited, you're very pretty."

You could tell he meant no harm by his words

But you've dealt with situations similar to this where the person was being very passive aggressive

It made you feel bitter and have a need to explain yourself

"I'll be sure to sleep, thanks but this isn't going to be a permanent thing, I'm very much happy with my usual look! Makes me feel more pretty~ I don't think there's such a thing as being too pretty."

You both chuckled at your end statement

"Fair, I do not control what you do but I advise you stop spending so much with asmodeus, you're starting to sound like him - I have actually done makeup myself, perhaps you'd like to see some examples? I'm intrigued if you have any feedback or tips I could use."

"asmo is just truthful! But on a serious note, I'd actually love to see that and feel honoured you'd want my feedback! You better not back out on this."

Solomon:

"I almost didn't recognize you, what a stray from your usual look, it's very off brand - I'm afraid viewers might be displeased."

You couldn't help but smile

He was using an inside joke you two made

After refering to one of the years as a season you two started making a few jokes about it

But it became a habit and now you two just had a thing were you pretended you were self aware TV characters

"Oh no! We can't have the ratings go down! Haha- I don't look that different, don't be ridiculous, I think it's just your eyes old man."

You poked the side of his face, near his eye

He frowned, he let you have passes on calling him old due to favouritism

But still got grumpy when you joked and brought him his age

You did only say it to tease and if he got genuinely upset or mad about it you'd immediately stop

"I'm not old, just wise - just for that your fanbase has shrunk but sadly, your good looks will bring them back."

You had a light blush on your cheeks, waving your hand

Acting as if you've swooned for him you leaned against his shoulder

"you're so kind yet so mean~ but I'm sure they'll prefer my normal form than this one, I kinda feel naked without my makeup - it's almost shameful."

"don't say that so loud, who knows who'll turn up naked, I'd rather not experience that today."

You bursted out laughing

Meanwhile he looked like he was experiencing Flashback'

Simeon:

"I like the new look, it's very natural! but is that makeup or your actual-"

"My face is bare, I forgot to put it on, not really bothered today."

His slender finger was pointed to your face, squinting to see if he could see

You almost wanted to laugh but you just lazily shrugged your shoulders

"oh! You're still look just as beautiful, I can't believe I couldn't tell, ever since I saw your more extra looks I've been looking into makeup and I saw people could make it look like they weren't wearing any."

"Thanks but don't worry, I'm not Insecure without it or anything, just really enjoy it! - oh? You're looking into it? Is there any looks you like specially, some people are really amazing at looking extremely natural or being really artistic - it's amazing."

He nodded

"pardon me then, I didn't mean to imply anything I just saw how much bad press was around it all and wanted to say incase but yes, I'm extremely intrigued by high light! It's so sparkly!"

He looked apologetic before his expression turned into one of awe and inspiration

You smiled, happy to see he was interested in something you were already passionate about

It was good to see him wanting to learn and gain interest

"You're sweet Simeon but this human is very happy! I see~ let me do your makeup later or a day you're free, I can give you my extra shimmery high light to really make those cheekbones of yours pop!"

His eyes were sparkling so brightly

Grinning from ear to ear with excitement

"I'd love to! Please, I want you to show me all your amazing ideas."

Luke:

"Your face is different, you're not wearing makeup!"

"And your face is still childlike, you're correct though, I forgot to do it."

You both pouted at each other, glaring

The moment quickly ended as soon as he started to speak

"oh, I thought this was going to be a thing now....you're pretty, why do you wear it? You don't need to especially the amount you normally wear."

You frowned

Annoyed no one has taught him about this kind of thing and how what he was saying was rude

Mentally noting to speak to Solomon and Simeon about this

But you couldn't be too mad, he was a child

You decided to make this a reaching moment for the young angel

"Well you see Luke, anyone can wear makeup even if they're super confident with their features or super Insecure, it makes people feel good and extra attractive or it can make you look dead and gross - really up to the person - and I'm just someone who really likes wearing makeup and alot of it, what may seem like alot to others could be basic to others, it's all about your personal touch and wants."

"I see....I'm sorry I didn't really understand-"

He looked absolutely devastated

Ashamed and guilty and extremely apologetic

"It's okay, I know you're still learning about these things - hey, how about I do your makeup and we can see what you like?"

You lifted his puffy hat, ruffling the messy hair beneath it

He didn't even swat your hand away

He was too excited and relieved by what you were saying, he jumped up and down as his hands turned into fists

"Really?! I'd- I'd like that, I'll go ask Simeon if you can come over and do it for me! Maybe we can try out your kind of style?"

"Sounds perfect, now go ask~"

He hastily rushed off to find the older demon

You watched from slight afar him asking permission but gave simeon a 'we need to talk' look

#obey me #obey me shall we date #gamingclubpresident #aracadejohn217 9 #obey me mc #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me luke #obey me barbatos #obey me diavolo #obey me imagine #obey me headcanon #i do what you ask but also not

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otonymous · 4 years

Text

It’s The End Of The World (MLQC Headcanon)

Dear Nonny...

I say that now, Nonny, but the truth is that the ONLY thing I love more than smut is angst! Mwahahaha! 🤣🤣 That being said, let’s take a one-way trip to Angst Town! Everybody got their seatbelts on?! LET’S GO!!! (Please note warnings below before reading 💕💕💕)

Warnings: angst, explicit language, trigger warnings (mentions of speeding, near-death experiences and flashbacks, nausea & vomiting, insomnia, slight mention of possessive behaviour, workaholism, loss of appetite and weight loss, anger and violent behaviour (not towards other people though!)) and SPOILERS (basically up to chapter 24 in the EN server; includes dates and Rumours & Secrets for the boys)

Gavin:

DEVASTATED. This man is absolutely devastated.

Gavin has known you since high school and loved you since then

You were his dream girl — the one he thought had got away until his duties brought you back into his life. He had vowed to protect you till the very end, had absolutely no qualms about giving his life for yours. He made a solemn promise to himself that he would never lose you a second time

Until that fateful day when you invited him out for lunch at Lynn’s Kitchen on the grounds of your old high school

You order his favourites, spicy noodles and lemon tea; wait until his stomach is full before you open your mouth to gently broach the topic

“Gavin…I…”

A single glance at your face tells Gavin that something is terribly off. He’s immediately setting his chopsticks down, asking, “What’s wrong? You know you can talk to me about anything. Whatever it is, I’ll help you—”

“Shaw. We…we’ve decided to be together. I know you’re not on good terms, and he did insist on coming today, but I thought it would be best if I told you myself…”

He cannot hear

He cannot move

And it isn’t until the burning sensation in his lungs catches up with him that he realizes he hadn’t even been breathing

Amber eyes, listless and dull, float from your lips to the wall decorated with Post-It notes just behind you, moving from one colourful slip of paper to another

“I hate it when people leave without saying goodbye.”

Gavin still remembers the loops and dashes of your handwriting on the Post-It note you had written so long ago, the way you dotted your i’s with hearts

And all of a sudden, he is back in his high school uniform, bloodied and bruised and free falling from the roof of the four-storey building

Except this time, he cannot hear the strains of a piano, no matter how hard he tries. The gingko leaves around him flutter to the ground just before…

“Gavin?” The touch of your hand on his snaps him out of his reverie. He tries to force a smile and fails.

“I…I’m sorry. There’s somewhere…I just remembered…I have to go….” He hurriedly puts a few bills on the table — more than enough to cover the entire meal — and dashes out of the restaurant

Gavin hops on Sparky and just goes…riding for hours on end with no destination in mind. He’s taken with an intense urge to go fast, as if his body were trying to outrun the feelings he doesn’t have the means of dealing with. At one point, an overwhelming wave of nausea hits him and he stops at the side of the road, retching and retching until his stomach is as empty as his hollowed-out heart

He’s still thinking of you the entire time he’s MIA. The last text from his phone is one sent to you, telling you not to worry about him and apologizing for the way he behaved back at the restaurant. He’s asking if you’d still be okay with talking to him when he gets back, and of course, to contact him immediately if you need anything at all

He still feels you in the wind

Believe it or not, for a short period of time, Gavin actually develops a fear of flying: it reminds him too much of you, brings up too many memories of him holding you in his arms as you traverse the skies together. He’s not confident he can do it anymore, partly because he thinks his Evol might suddenly give out when he’s high up in the air

The turning point comes when Gavin visits his mother’s resting place. There, for the first time since you broke the news to him, he actually cries, and it gives him the strength to carry on

Let’s be clear: Gavin will never, ever be over you. The two of you will remain friends though because Gavin intends to watch over you for the rest of his life (that is one promise he would never break)

With time, he gets used to seeing you with Shaw, even starts to relax a bit when he realizes that his younger brother is capable of protecting you

Someday, Gavin will marry — likely someone who was set up with him either by Minor or his colleagues (Birdcop would never take the initiative to actually meet somebody). This person is absolutely smitten with the handsome officer and his gruff ways and cannot wait to start a family with him. They would also have to be thick-skinned and stubborn enough to turn Gavin’s “no” into an eventual “yes”

And while Gavin would prove to be a loyal husband and doting father who would do anything for his family, a part of him would always, always, continue to burn for you.

Lucien:

How do you expect this man to behave when he’s lost the only colour in his life?

Lucien would never, ever recover from this. He doesn’t want to. The man for whom love was never meant to happen has no need for such an emotion. He wants nothing to do with it unless it has to do with you

The professor’s world literally returns to being a drab shadow of blacks and greys — the rainbow disappeared when his little butterfly flew into the palm of another’s hand

“Do you love him?” He’ll ask you, dark eyes almost hypnotic in their intensity when he pierces you with that gaze

You’re ashamed to find that you have to think twice before replying that you do indeed love Victor

Ba-bump, ba-bump, BA-BUMP — Lucien breaks out into a cold sweat as his heart begins to race, face becoming pale as a sheet

His shaking hands are pulled into tight fists within the pockets of his lab coat. He’s running his finger over the cap of his pill bottle inside one of them, not wanting to take them in front of you because in spite of it all, the last thing he wants is for you to worry about him 😭😭😭

Lucien nods, placid smile a mask on his face when he says, “I wish the two of you nothing but the best.”

“Lucien!” You start after him when he turns to walk away. “We…we’re still friends, right?”

For what is possibly the first time in his entire life, Lucien can’t think straight. His mind is a mess, logical thoughts tangled up with sorrow, hurt, anger, and the sense that the world could end at that very moment and he wouldn’t even bat an eye.

He takes a deep breath, composing himself before he turns to face you again: “Of course. You can always come to me if you ever need anything.” It takes everything in him not to fall apart when he lays a hand on the crown of your head, savouring the heat of your body for the very last time

In the days immediately afterwards, the people around Lucien better watch out as his ability to keep cool, calm and collected is challenged: he’s giving the side-eye to his colleagues at the research institute more often then usual, and Black Swan members literally want to run the other way when they see him coming. If they thought Ares was ruthless before then they’d better watch out now…

As if it were even humanly possible, the professor sleeps even less now: if he’s not in the lab, he’s literally wiling away the hours watching old Hollywood films

Sometimes, he’ll place his hand on the handle to the door of your apartment, closing his eyes and doing his best to pretend that he can still feel your palm in his (he knows you’re not home. You so rarely are these days…)

Unbeknownst to you, Lucien spends his weekends revisiting the places you used to go together: sitting on the same bench at the aquarium where you kissed him without a second thought, wandering to the theme park you ran away to as a child just to watch the carousel spin round and round, trying his best to keep a smile on his face when the kids at the orphanage ask him where his “pretty lady friend” is

Lucien actually has a kite that he bought ages ago, intent on fulfilling his promise to one day fly it with you. It sits in his apartment still. He can’t bring himself to dispose of it.

Gives you his pen, Iridescent, as part of his wedding gift to you. “May it always bring you luck, wherever you are and…whomever you’re with.”

Regardless of where he is, Lucien will always be keeping tabs on you. If Victor ever trips up, you can bet that Lucien will be there to swoop in and take his place

The professor will never love another person for as long as he lives. That’s all there is to it.

Victor:

Throws himself into his work when you break the news to him that you’ve accepted Lucien’s proposal

“If that dummy can’t see that I’m the most suitable choice for her, then let her suffer the consequences of her foolishness.” — Victor will tell himself that, but don’t believe it for even a second

Victor has always been obsessed with working, but this is on an entirely new level, even for him: the man’s been missing meals (or taking them at his desk, at most) and doesn’t leave his office until close to midnight, most days of the week

Like a watch whose gears are irreparably damaged, the LFG CEO is broken on the inside. He has to focus on work because he knows that if he stops long enough to fully consider the consequences of having lost you, he would never climb out of the depths of his despair

Even his dad and aunt become concerned, especially when they notice that he’s lost weight: “Victor, you have employees for a reason. Delegation is not a weakness.”

His mind often drifts to you, especially when he’s driving. There are many times when he finds himself absentmindedly heading in the direction of your office after work before he catches himself (the man is so used to picking you up that it’s become like muscle memory, in a sense)

Weekends will find him holed up in his attic space, fingers tracing over the uneven surface of the cup you had accidentally dropped and shattered, the pieces of which he had spent an entire night glueing back together

He shuts down Souvenir for a while: Victor cannot bring himself to step foot in the kitchen because he can’t help but see your face, smiling in rapturous joy to indulge in the caramel pudding he made especially for you

He spends his nights lying wide awake in a bed that suddenly seems much too big, wondering if you would’ve chosen differently if he took the time to tell you all the things he always thought were obvious: that he respected your fighting spirit, admired the brazen way you never gave up on the things you believed in, loved every single thing about you, even the things he seemed to disapprove of

His biggest regret: that he never had the chance to tell you that you were the love of his life

He often fantasizes about what it would’ve been like to stop time before you informed him you were choosing Lucien, to exist forever with you in a single moment when you made him the happiest man alive just by sharing your time with him

He still checks your Moments account religiously, murmuring “Dummy” with the faintest hint of a smile on his face to see your ridiculous posts, but he can never bring himself to reply. Victor’s pride won’t let him. He would rather die than let you know that each moment spent without you makes him feel like he is suffocating

Eventually, his worried family — especially his aunt — decides that enough is enough. They force Victor to take a vacation while trying to discreetly set him up with daughters of other wealthy and prominent families

Victor is beyond annoyed at having his personal affairs meddled with like this, but is essentially strong-armed by his aunt, who turns on the waterworks and starts sobbing about wanting to see the progeny of her dearest nephew before she passes on or withers away from want of new blood in the Li family

Victor will eventually have to marry and have kids — he needs to have someone to pass LFG on to. It will be a long while before he does settle down though; at one point, it’ll seem like he’s content to be a bachelor for life, married to his work

He will show up for your wedding though, and you can bet the most generous gift will be from the LFG CEO

“Try not to be such a dummy from now on. I won’t be there to set you straight and your husband may not be as patient of a man as I am.” Those jet black eyes are wavering with emotion when he reaches out to lay a hand on your head. But he halts midway, awkwardly pulling back because he’s realized that he doesn’t have the right to touch another man’s wife so casually 😭😭😭

Kiro:

“Ahahaha! All right, all right…you’ve got me. You can stop playing around now, Miss Chips,” Kiro will say, hands held up in defeat when you tell him that you’ve accepted Gavin’s proposal

When he realizes you’re being serious, it’s like all the warmth and light has suddenly been sucked from the room

Those blue eyes go wide, the smile dropping from the superstar’s face. For what seems like an interminable amount of time, Kiro just sits there staring at you, almost catatonic

When he speaks again, you’re so surprised you almost jump out of your skin: “Gavin…he’s that cop, right? The friend you’ve known since high school?”

You nod and all of a sudden, it’s like the floodgates have been opened: Kiro’s grasping your hands in his, expression panic-stricken as his questions come a mile a minute:

“Was it something I did, Miss Chips? I swear I’ll change! I…I won’t eat junk food anymore! Won’t even look at that stuff! If you don’t like your nickname, I’ll call you by your real name, anything you want! Or maybe it’s because my schedule is always so crazy? I’ll cut back on my jobs, I don’t care about the money! If you’re tired of running from the paparazzi, I’ll quit. Just quit, stop everything — I don’t care, ok? The only thing I care about is you! Miss Chips? Please don’t cry…I’m your hero, remember? So please…please…”

A single tear rolls down his cheek — you have to look away or else your resolve would crumble

“I’m so sorry, Kiro. I…I wanted you to be the first to know. I wanted you to hear it from me…”

It’s like all the life has been drained from him; it actually frightens you to see him like that

“Kiro?" You hesitantly lay a hand on his. It’s almost cool to the touch. Kiro gives his head a little shake, seeming to come back to himself

“I’m…I’m so sorry, Miss Chips. I don’t know what came over me. I didn’t mean to get hysterical. God, what an awful way to react….” He forces a laugh, but it is wooden and so goddamn heartbreaking to hear. You almost wish he would scream obscenities at you instead

“He, Gavin…he’s a good man. He’ll be good for you. I’m happy that you’re happy, Miss Chips.”

The next day, Kiro drops off the face of the Earth: he’s MIA, no one can reach him

Everyone is panicking: his agent, Savin, and management, his legions of adoring fans all over the world, and most of all, you

That is, until he sends two text messages, one to Savin and the other to you, telling you all that he’s safe and not to worry; he’s just taking some time to work some things out for himself

In actuality, the only thing that’s happening is that Kiro is reverting back to who he originally was before you came into his life

His sun has been eclipsed by crushing sorrow and loss, the brilliance of your light and warmth forever taken from him and he is left in the cold shadow of solitary darkness

Kiro wants to be happy for you, and he hates that he can’t — this dissonance so disconcerts him that he’d rather not feel anything at all

When the superstar does eventually return to the world at large, there’s something about him that’s changed — Savin and the rest will be largely fooled by that ever-cheerful mask he puts on, but you won’t

Those blue eyes seem just a bit darker, the radiance of his being almost imperceptibly dimmed

Poor Kiro, loved the world over, would never love another person for the rest of his life. It would always be you or nothing.

Shaw:

Hurt. Angry. Confused.

Shaw is angry with himself for ever believing that you and him had a future together; he hates that he saw the signs that you would always, always, always choose Gavin in the end and still continued to lie to himself in spite of it

He hates that he let himself become vulnerable by falling in love with you (Shaw sees vulnerability as the biggest weakness one could have, that’s why he’s always kept himself emotionally guarded in his dealings with people)

But for whatever reason, when it came to you, he just couldn’t help but fall (“Guess brothers are hard-wired in the same way after all, no matter how different we think we are,” he’ll say with a bitter laugh)

A lengthy and most unusual storm will hit Loveland City; expect an extended light show with lots of thunder and lightning

The boy is trashing his place, throwing whatever he can get his hands on: cans of Coke and Pepsi, dishes, clothing and books

He breaks the deck of his skateboard when he smashes it against the wall, bringing down a good chunk of plaster along with it

You won’t be there to witness the destruction. Shaw will continue to front like nothing could ever faze him when you tell him that you’ve chosen to be with Gavin. He’ll chuckle, brows raised as he bites on the tip of his straw, saying, “Whatever. It’s your life. Do what you want with it.”

Then suddenly, he’s standing up to leave, hand half-raised in goodbye as he makes for the exit without so much as a glance back at you.

“Take my umbrella. And don’t worry about returning it.”

Those are his last words to you. Not long after, you spy the handle of the black umbrella sitting in the stand near the front of the café (the only one there, since it had been bright and sunny out). And suddenly, the clouds are rolling in to blanket Loveland City in grey, sheets of rain pouring from a sky cracked in half by a fearsome bolt of lightning

Shaw walks, letting cold rain soak him to the bones to take his mind off the ice that’s already started to freeze the blood in his heart

“Don’t cry…don’t let them f*cking see you cry…" he's saying to himself, over and over again like a mantra

Starts hanging out at the Live House more than ever, losing himself in the music and packed crowds there; he can’t stand to be alone right now.

When he’s not playing bass guitar as a last minute backup for the bands, he’s literally working on his thesis at the bar, sipping on his Coke and Pepsi blend (the staff know him so well that they’re pretty much cool with him doing anything at this point LOL)

STILL blows off every person who comes to proposition him for a good time

I’m sorry, but you know it’s pretty much gonna rain on your wedding day, right? (The poor boy can’t help it, okay? He is SAD, SAD, SAD!)

Much like his brother, Shaw will never really get over you. You were, after all, the first person he ever truly loved

Would likely remain an eternal bachelor, only engaging in meaningless sex but never opening his heart to anyone ever again. One lesson was enough for him. 😭😭😭

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

Thank you so much for reading! Check out more of my work here! 📚

#mlqc #mr love queen's choice #love and producer #mr love dream date #evol x love #mlqc headcanons #mlqc angst #mlqc lucien #mlqc xu mo #mlqc victor #mlqc li zeyan #mlqc gavin #mlqc bai qi #mlqc kiro #mlqc zhou qiluo #mlqc shaw #mlqc ling xiao #source: giphy

784 notes · View notes

jolinarjackson · 3 years

Note

Hey! Do you have any irondad fic recs? I just started reading Peter and Tony fics again and I would love any recs you have!

Hello!

Yes, I do! :D It's by no means complete because I am still busy compiling, but I have quite a few already.

For all the below stories, please heed the tags and warnings on AO3. And of course, feel also free to check out my stories. :)

My AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JolinarJackson/works

The below fics are not compiled in any particular order.

If I Die Young by MusicalLuna

Summary: Tony and Steve are trying to keep their little boy (who's not so little anymore) out of the superhero business for as long as possible, but when a kid's as stubborn as Peter is, they can't always stop him.

And sometimes things go wrong. Really, really wrong.

Categories: Superfamily, Not MCU!Peter Parker

Comment: This is a wonderful whump story that I go back to again and again.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/423790

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Lightning in a Bottle by Gruoch

Summary: Peter takes the tablet and looks down at the screen, where a picture of Spider-Man intimately entangled in a passionate embrace with Johnny Storm is displayed across the majority of the Daily Bugle’s home page. TORCH CAUGHT IN SPIDER-MAN’S WEB, the headline reads, bracketed by spider and flame emojis. Peter looks back up at Tony, who is still staring at him completely stone-faced.

Tony reaches across the island and taps the screen. “So. What do you have to say about that?”

“Well. For one, I’m a little disappointed with the headline,” Peter offers.

Tony lets his chin drop against his chest, momentarily defeated, before taking a deep breath and once more skewering Peter with a hard look. “You could have at least given me some warning that the two of you are...I mean, I had my suspicions, but—”

“You’re misconstruing the situation. Spider-Man and the Torch are dating,” Peter explains. “Johnny and I are just friends.”

“Boy, you’re really leaning hard into this whole alter ego thing, aren’t you?” Tony deadpans. “How’s that working out for you?”

Categories: Irondad, SpideyTorch

Comment: I love stories taking advantage of the havoc that secret superhero identities can wreak on romantic relationships. The best about this particular story is the witty writing, which makes Peter being a chaotic mess in this even better.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413219

-----

The doubts that complicate by @frostysunflowers

Summary: "But he’s smart!" May had blurted, looking up at the teacher with misplaced anger. "I don’t...how does this make sense?"

She was worried, unaware, unprepared, not like Peter who had known for a while that some things were trickier for him than other kids. All the rules hidden in cheerful little rhymes and singing songs about which letters get along and those who don’t play nice; all the robotic reciting of the alphabet nearly every day: none of it had ever truly helped Peter understand how it all worked.

A brand new door opened in his life that day. On the front of it, the word ‘DYSLEXIC’ was printed in bold, the certainty of what it meant holding the letters permanently in place.

Nobody ever said being smart was easy.

Categories: Irondad

Comment: This is a wonderful read. @frostysunflowers manages to describe dyslexia in a way that makes the struggle understandable. The relationship between Tony and Peter is heart-warming. This is a great read if you're in the mood for something that is not too long and still want a good dosage of H/C.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23989531

-----

Accepting the Tides by Emma_Anacortes

Summary: Tony had dragged Peter from the depths of despair after May's death. It was normal that he'd grown to care a little about him, right?

Yeah, okay. He freaking loved the kid.

So naturally he would feel a little weird when Richard Parker randomly shows up in Peter's life. Naturally he'd feel protective, nervous, and confused because where has Richard been all this time? And why does Tony feel sick every time he sees him around Peter?

All he knows is if Richard hurts his kid, Tony's gonna give him hell.

Categories: Irondad, Steve & Peter

Comment: This story is intense, no doubt about it. Please heed all the warnings and tags carefully. However, if you give it a try, it's so worth it. This story presents a different backstory to the relationship of Peter and his parents (especially his father) while exploring Peter and Tony forging a father/son-bond in the wake of May's death. I have to say that the the relationship between Peter and Steve in this story is just as prominent and amazingly written. I loved every second of it.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11885844/chapters/26843274

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with arms wide open by @parkrstark

Summary: Tony and Pepper are expecting a baby and Peter may be the one most excited...just maybe…

Categories: Irondad, Pepperony

Comment: This is undeniably cute and heart-warming: Tony and Pepper get pregnant and Peter is right there with them, freaking out. Peter spends this story preparing to become a big brother while still being unsure about whether this is the role he is going to fulfill in the baby's life. This stoy focsses on the found family that is Tony, Pepper and Peter, but there are wonderful interactions with May, Rhodey and Happy as well.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14540409

-----

the stars the moon they have all been blown out (you left me in the dark) by @madasthesea

Summary: It starts off with his vision fading in and out.

What kind of demon drug can make someone go blind by inhaling a single lungful? Whatever it is, Tony doubts it’s reversible. And while Peter’s no idiot, he can be idiotically optimistic. He's determined to fix what appears to be unfixable.

Categories: Irondad

Comment: This story is experienced entirely from Tony's point of view, which make the effects of the drug and his reaction to it all the more poignant. Tony's relationship to Peter is especially highlighted in this story. You can only imagine the worry and pain Peter geos through unil the very end of the story and the pay-off is worth it. I want to highlight the way that Tony's experiecne of the effects of the drug are described here, because I thought that was superb writing and put the reader righ in Tony's shoes.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15795141/chapters/36757500

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turn back the clock (and I'll try again in the morning) by @madasthesea

Summary: Peter gets stuck in a time loop. In it, he lives through some of his worst nightmares, only to wake up that morning and have no one remember. He needs Tony to help him get through.

And if that isn't bad enough, his identity is revealed over and over, every day.

Categories: Irondad

Comment: This story is just SO GOOD. Not only is Peter experiencing the same day over and over again and his identity is revealed, but the way it happens also gets more and more taxing and gruesome. This story has emotional highpoints that are written fantastically and the Irondad in this is just heart-warming.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18023177/chapters/42585071

-----

How The Mighty Fall by Meep_Morp

Summary: Since his duel against Toomes on Coney Island, Peter's life has settled down considerably. May knows about his double life and accepts it (mostly). Tony has welcomed him back, and given him more independence as New York's Spider-Man.

One night during patrol he crosses paths with Connor, a teenager who has Extremis in his blood and answers to the wrong kind of people. Though Tony is quick to distrust him, Peter finds himself reluctant to follow his mentor's lead, and a bond develops between the two boys. Their relationship is further complicated when Connor's former master, Negative, makes it a personal mission to destroy them both in his quest for power.

Taking down a superpowered psychopath? Tough, but Peter isn't going to back down.

Stopping Tony from blasting his first potential boyfriend into space? He might need a miracle for that.

Categories: Irondad

Comment: This story is so intricately plotted and just a joy to read. The characters are written to perfection and this includes an absolutely fantastic and fleshed-out OC who, as a reader, you come to care about easily and quickly. Much more subtle is the relationship between Peter and Tony in this fic but every single scene is on-point. I have read and re-read this story several times and it is hard to put aside once you start.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18084407/chapters/42745826

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Project Pride by TheSleepingOwl

Summary: In hindsight, it should have been obvious. The signs were all there, unwittingly scattered by Peter like breadcrumbs for Tony to follow—the way he would fall into uncomfortable silence when the topic of dating came up, or become flustered whenever Tony teased him about the mysterious Michelle-Call-Me-MJ character Peter was constantly gushing about, or deflect Tony’s mostly-joking inquiries into whether or not they needed to be having The Talk with a hurricane of splutters and blushes.

And even without the signs, Peter was still his kid. Tony was just supposed to know these things.

So when FRIDAY pulled up Peter’s search history—‘how can i make myself not like boys,’ ‘can you force yourself to be attracted to girls,’ ‘how to stop your friends from knowing youre gay,’ and, most devastating, ‘how can i keep my parents from finding out im gay’—Tony wasn’t surprised so much as deeply, unquantifiably ashamed. Because he should have known.

Categories: Irondad

Comment: This story is an incredibly written POV of Tony coming to terms with Peter's sexuality. It's achingly realistic in the way Tony struggles to connect to Peter, knowing that he's gay. Additionally, this story has a hefty doese of Hurt/Comfort thrown in that hurts when reading it. This is a gem.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22135138/chapters/52834021

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Birds Eating Other Birds by aloneintherain

Summary: Peter wishes he hadn’t gotten out of bed that morning. Then, maybe, he wouldn’t be reduced to this - limp-crawling through the rabbit burrows that is Oscorp Tower, a monster of a man on his heels, bloody and bruised and choking on a panic attack.

Categories: Irondad, not MCU!Peter Parker

Comment: I love aloneintherain's stories. I read them when I first got into Avengers fanfic and the way they write dynamics is great. This one is intense and the way it's written sucks you right into it. Norman Osborn is so evil and creepy in this one. Part one is mainly hurt, but stick around for the comfort in part 2!

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7626433

----- And here are some Avengers team dynamic fics as well -----

It Was Probably The Pudding by Serendipity_Cometh

Summary: Given that over the course of the past eleven months Peter Parker hasn't contracted so much as a head-cold, the teenager thought it safe to assume that the whole 'irradiated spider bite' gig had equipped him with an immune system of steel that rivalled Captain America's.

So when he wakes up one night in the midst of the worst asthma attack he's suffered in almost eight years, neither he nor the rest of the team can think of a logical explanation.

And everything sort of goes downhill from there.

Categories: Team, Stony, Clint/Phil, not MCU!Peter Parker

Comment: When I started out reading Avengers fanfictions, I stumbled across this one and go back to it on a regular basis. Lots of whump and great team dynamics.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/953538/chapters/1865305

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In the Home by aloneintherain

Summary: The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.

“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room -”

Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes -

Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.

Categories: Team, not MCU!Peter Parker

Comment: One of my very early reads when I started out in the Avengers fandom. Excellent whump, hurt/comfort and team dynamics.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5388563/chapters/12446069

-----

Fitting In (Tiny Spaces) by aloneintherain

Summary: Peter's trapped beneath a collapsed building during a mission, hurt and unable to move. Luckily, his comm still works. Unluckily, the Avengers don’t realise how bad of a state Peter is in, and Peter isn’t inclined to tell them.

“Spidey, they’ve got reinforcements. We’ve hit a bit of a snag here, and I don’t think anyone will be able to help you for a while. Think you can sit tight while we deal with this?”

The pressure on his lower back and legs was becoming too much. Peter swallowed thickly, fighting down panic. He could handle this.

“Yeah,” Peter said. “I can do that.”

Categories: Team, not MCU!Peter Parker

Comment: There are so many "Peter trapped under a building"-stories out there but this is the one I read first and it stuck with me. Loved the team dynamic in this.

Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4232937

28 notes · View notes

loving-barnes · 4 years

Text

BUCKY BARNES – FIRST (1/2)

(A/N): This one is a bit different and I hope that you will not judge Y/N because... well, you will read. There were parts where it was hard to put them down. I don’t know what else to add.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Summary: Bucky talks to Y/N about her insecurities and she reveals more to him than to any man before.

Warning: nudity, sex talk, insecurities,

Words: 4200+

FULL MASTERLIST |

BUCKY BARNES – FIRST (1/2)

I turned my head over a shoulder, eyes instantly capturing his whole being at the pool table where he was chatting with Sam and Steve, smiling and drinking a beer from a glass bottle. How a man could be this handsome; no, better: how could I be so lucky to be in a relationship with this man, I would never fully understand.

When his eyes found mine, he simply smiled at me. The team knew about us, but we were not in a state where we would fully show our relationship. It was an early stage of the relationship. So far, these were the most beautiful two months of dating and slowly falling in love with this man. However, I insisted on taking it slow and not rush to anything. Bucky accepted and I was relieved.

“So,” Wanda sat down next to me, holding a glass of wine between fingers. “How is everything going with you and Barnes?” she asked with a smile.

“Steady,” I replied easily, taking a sip of my water. “There is no rush, nothing wild. I like how things are going.”

Natasha joined us, leaving Clint and Bruce with Tony and Rhodey at the other side of the room. “What are you talking about?”

“I was just asking Y/N how things are going between her and Barnes,” Wanda replied.

“And?” Natasha sat next to the witch.

“Everything is going fine,” I replied, trying to hide my blush behind the glass. “There is nothing much to tell, to be honest.”

Both women looked at me with a grin. “So, give us the details and we mean the spicy details. We want to know everything.”

“Yes,” Wanda nodded. “We are like the teenage girls that are desperate to know everything about your sex life.”

That was a topic I was not ready to talk about. It was mostly because there was nothing to talk about and also, there was another story that I was not ready to share.

“Uh, there is nothing to tell. We didn’t do anything so far,” I replied nonchalantly, trying to act as if it was a normal thing. “We are taking our time.”

“Oh, come on, Y/N,” Natasha sighed, quickly changing her seat and sitting down next to me. “With this job and everything that is happening in the world, you need to find relief when you have a man by your side.”

I rolled my eyes. “I know…”

“I have noticed Bucky being a lot in the gym when we finish a mission,” said Wanda. “Because you are not letting off some steam, he has to do it alone in the gym.”

For a split second, I felt bad for him. Maybe he was already expecting something and I was not able to provide it. I sighed and drank the rest of the water.

“I love you girls, but I don’t want to talk about it,” after that, I stood up. “I just… can’t,” was the last thing I said to them and went into the kitchen to clean the glass. It was enough that I was struggling with it. I was not ready to talk about it with anyone, not even Bucky.

I could feel their confused glances when I walked away. I could only hope they would not follow me and talk about it. However, it was my lover that came to the kitchen to check up on me.

“Hey,” he smiled, stopping a few steps away from me. “Are you alright?”

Of course, their expression would make Bucky worry about me, so I put a simple smile on my face. “Yes, sure, you don’t have to worry. Go, have fun with boys. I’m going to my room to read a book or do some reports from the last mission. Few things are missing so I will put them there.”

“Alright,” he came closer to me and his hands wrapped around my waist. “I will come to check on you when I am done beating Sam’s ass.”

Him holding me like that made my knees weak. “You winning, Barnes?” I winked at him, grinning.

“I think I’m having a very lucky day today,” he deeply looked into my eyes. I wasn’t able to reply to it so he continued. “I mostly enjoy how angry he is when he loses. To be honest, we are just a game away until he’ll break something,” he laughed. After that, he kissed the top of my head. “Don’t work too much, alright, darling?”

I put a gentle smile on my face. “Of course,” and with that, I left him standing alone in the kitchen. My stomach was turning in every way and I became nervous. I knew what the sentence about being lucky was – he was hoping to finally sleep with me. Or maybe not and my mind was just playing with me.

I went back to my room and immediately started to work on the reports just to keep my mind occupied. I have noticed some spelling mistakes in Steve’s reports – it was mostly the old English that he knew, so I had corrected the sentences and closed the files, marking it as finished.

I had no idea how much time had passed. A knock on the door brought my mind back to the present and I turned to them. “Yes?” I answered, waiting for the intruder to come in.

Bucky stepped inside, wearing comfy sweatpants and a loose shirt. “Hey, you are still up?” he asked with a gentle smile.

“Of course I am. It is not that late.”

He had to laugh. “It is almost two in the morning. Are you still working?”

I took my phone and looked at the screen. I had no idea it was that late. “Ugh, yeah, I was working and finished like minutes ago, but I am done now. Thanks for checking on me. How was the game?” I closed my laptop and went to sit on my bed where Bucky joined me.

“Well, Sam had too many beers so it was very awkward to play with him. The girls also let loose a little so it was an interesting evening. We missed you there.”

“Well, next time, I will try to be there longer,” I yawned.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he asked with a genuine smile on his lips. “I would like to spend more time with you.”

I took a deep breath, quickly trying to say something. Should I let him stay the night or not, I thought. My lower lip trembled and I crossed arms over my breasts. “Uh,” I made a weird noise. My hands turned cold.

Bucky sighed and turned his whole body to me. “Alright, we need to talk. I can see that something is bothering you. I have noticed it a while ago. What is it? I am here for you. Talk to me.”

He was a sweetheart, worrying about me. “I-uh, is there?” I was becoming more nervous.

“Yes, there is. I can see it. As if you were afraid of something. Is it me?” The way he asked if it was him made my heartache. “A-are you scared of me or the hands?”

“No! No, of course, it is not you,” I quickly grabbed his hands into mine. “Don’t you dare think like that, Bucky. I am not afraid of you or scared of you or anything.” One of my hands went to his cheek and stroked it gently. “Never think that again, please. You are like a cute giant teddy bear that can be very protective of me,” I laughed a little, thinking back when he protected me at all cost during a mission.

He sighed in relief. “Well, I am glad. But there is something. I can see it in your eyes and the way you react. Please, talk to me and we will figure it out.”

There it was, the moment I had to let it all out and explain it to him. I was not prepared but I had to do it sooner or later. I made myself comfortable on the bed, as he did, facing each other. Immediately, I grabbed one of my pillows and hugged it.

“I am not ready to sleep with you,” I said quickly. “Because I- I have never slept with anyone.” Somehow, I couldn’t look into his eyes. The shame was unbearable. No, I was not ashamed. The other things were worse. “And there is a huge reason behind it.”

“Alright, tell me more,” he said calmly. “And please, don’t be ashamed. It is alright. I never wanted to pressure you or anything. I kind of figured it out.”

The way my face unpleasantly grinned made him chuckle. “Great so now that is out, I should start talking about the reasons why I have…” I was not able to form a proper sentence. “At first, I want you to think about one thing: have you ever seen me in something like Natasha or Wanda would wear - skinny clothes, beautiful, sexy dresses and bathing suits?”

I could see he was thinking very hard; trying to deep dive into the past months. “There was this one time that you wore this gorgeous dress at Tony’s party.”

“Yeah, that was the night we finally made the move and become a thing – Wanda was the one that picked the dress for me.”

“Well, she did a great job,” he winked at me. “Otherwise, I must say no.”

Taking a deep breath, I decided to deal with it like a normal adult – or, I tried. “I used to be fat!” I shouted it. My nerves got the best of me. “And there are some post-fat things still happening. I have loose skin on my stomach and my boobs are terrible and I just can’t…” I buried myself into the pillow, ready to cry. It was a tough thing to say out loud. My whole body was shaking. “Every time I wanted to be intimate with someone, I couldn’t… I still can’t. I am sick to my stomach and once the action starts I just want to vomit.”

There they were – the tears falling down my face. It was all too much for me. “I so want to but I can’t. I am fucking ugly and my body is devastated and it is my entire fault. Plus, my body just reacts the opposite way it should.”

“Oh, baby,” he sighed sadly and pulled me closer. His hands wrapped around me. “It’s okay. I will not pressure you or anything,” he whispered into my ear. “If you want, we can work on it together but believe me, you are not ugly. You are so beautiful and I love you so much.”

I stopped breathing for a moment and I had to look at him. “You love me?” I was surprised.

“Of course I love you, Y/N. I love you so much,” he brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. “In my eyes, you are perfect. You know, I have imperfections too and you accept me the way I am.”

“But you have the body of a god,” I sighed. “You are a handsome man and I don’t deserve you. You could have the most beautiful, perfect woman and here you are, stuck here with me.”

“Stop,” he put a hand over my mouth. “Don’t you dare do this to you,” he said strictly. “We will work on this and I will help you see yourself the way I see you – beautiful, sexy and perfect.”

“You think that?” I asked.

“Yes,” he nodded and kissed me lovingly on my lips. “Now, let’s go to bed and get some sleep, alright? I want you to relax. I will stay here tonight and we will get some rest, alright? And starting tomorrow, we will work on this, alright?”

I gave him another kiss. “Thank you, I love you too,” I whispered to him.

The smile he gave me afterwards was everything I ever wanted.

…

It was hard to believe that I finally found a man like Bucky. He didn’t force me to do anything I wasn’t comfortable with and, which made my heart melt, he was the one who started to show his love publically – or in front of our friends.

I was in the kitchen with Steve and Rhodes when Bucky came there too and headed right to me. He spun me around and deeply kissed my lips. “Hello beautiful,” he whispered and kissed me again which made my head spin. To be honest, I was enjoying this very much.

“Now that is a surprise,” Steve said.

“So now you two are full-on PDA?” Rhodey asked with a frown.

Neither of us reacted to them. “Want to go train to the gym?” Bucky asked me, eyes never leaving mine. He grabbed me by a hand and started to drag me out of the kitchen.

“I don’t have a choice,” I giggled.

Once we were away from the kitchen, he turned to me. “Today I have prepared something for you,” he said it calmly but my nerves were on high alert. “I have got you a new working outfit.”

“Oh,” I was relieved. “Alright, care to describe it for me?”

He smirked. “With Natasha’s help, I have a new pair of sculpting leggings for your and a sports bra.”

“And?” I was waiting for a shirt.

“That’s it.”

I sighed. “I can’t work out without a shirt,” I complained.

When we came to the gym, the outfit was waiting for me on the bench. The leggings were black with a purple stripe on sides. The bra was also purple. “Go put it on. No one will be here with us today.”

“Bucky…”

“Go,” he stroked my shoulder and kissed the top of my head. “I will be waiting here for you.”

Without any other choice, I went to the dressing room to change into the clothes. It took me more than dressing should. When I saw myself in the mirror, I wasn’t that terrified of the look as I thought I would be. The leggings were with a high waist and they formed my legs pretty nicely. My breast looked a bit smaller but also in better shape than normally.

I came back to the gym, ready to work out when I have noticed Bucky staring at me with an opened mouth. “You look sexy in those,” he pointed at me and grinned. “I think I did a good job.”

“You did,” I nodded. “And I don’t mind the skin that is showing under my boobs because that is not the worst part of my body,” I had to laugh. “Thank you Bucky,” a loving smile appeared on my face.

While we were working out, I have noticed the way Bucky was eyeing me. Occasionally, I have noticed how he had a hard time to focus and it made me blush a lot. And when I bent over to grab some weights, he was done. “Fuck, I can’t help it,” he groaned and came to me. His hand rested on my ass and he stroked the left cheek a little. “You are so fucking sexy Y/N. You have no idea what you are doing to me right now.”

Leaving the weights on the floor I stood up and turned to him. My eyes landed on the prominent hard-on he had. I had to look somewhere else because my face became red as hot pepper. “I- ugh…” I was speechless.

“No need to be ashamed,” he said. “At least you know what you do to me and how sexy you are,” he said it proudly. “I think our training is over. I need to take care of this,” he pointed at his crotch and I again blushed hardly and had to close my eyes.

“I feel bad,” I sighed. “I have brought this to you and I am not able to help you with that. Fuck,” I gulped dryly.

“It’s alright. I can take care of it,” he quickly kissed my cheek. “I will see you later, alright?” and after that, he quickly went into men’s dressing room.

I felt bad. I could feel how many men and women were judging me.

…

A few days later, we arrived back to the headquarters after a short but tough mission. All of us ended with bruises and cuts – some of us, including me, needed a few stitches. And, as always, I was lucky enough to have Bucky with me the whole time. He knew how scared I was of needles. I asked him if he could stay until it was done and he accepted with a tired smile.

After I was all patched, we went to an elevator, ready for a shower. “Can you come to my room once you are showered and changed?” Bucky kissed the top of my hair and I nodded. “We will have some food in my room and we can relax while watching a movie.”

“Sounds nice,” I said simply.

After that, our ways departed. I took a long hot shower and cleaned my body properly – getting rid of dirt while making sure my scares were protected from the water. I felt a new wave of energy hit me once I was fully dressed in comfortable loose clothes – no bra under the ACDC shirt, shorts, fluffy socks and wet hair up in a messy bun. Before I went to Bucky’s room, I made us a kettle of hot tea and brought it on a table with two mugs.

When I arrived in the room, the first thing I heard was the sound of running water. Bucky was still in the shower. I put the trey on a night table and made myself comfortable on his bed. I could smell his scent all over the sheets and it made me smile. Not only was he a fucking good looking man, but he even smelled good.

A minute later, I was spread on his bed as if it was mine and sniffed his pillows like a cat. How come his bed was more comfortable than mine? My eyes focused on the closed doors of the bathroom. If only I had more will to go there, get naked and just seal the deal. But no; here I was, rather staying on his bed, not doing anything and panicking when thought about sex came across my mind.

Why was I so afraid? That man said he loved me and I love him too. I huffed and buried my head under the sheets.

The door to the bathroom opened and I peeked up, to see Bucky. When my eyes landed on him, my mouth fell on the ground. He was standing there in nothing but a towel that was hanging low on his hips. My cheeks reddened and I wanted to hide into a hole. Yet I couldn’t help but keep my eyes on him, taking in his beauty and toned muscular body.

“Wow,” escaped my lips.

“Like something you see?” he asked mi with a wide grin on his face.

“I do,” I admitted quickly. “You are so beautiful, Bucky.” And a second later, I felt terrible. I was dating a very hot guy that could have a better woman by his side – a sexy one that would please him the way I couldn’t. And there it was, the damn feeling making my stomach turn in every direction. What if I was cursed and this was my punishment? “Maybe I should go,” I swiftly stood up from the bed, ready to leave.

Bucky grabbed me by my wrist and pulled me closer to his almost naked body. “No, no, no, darling,” he sighed and stroked my cheek with his vibranium fingers. “I can see your thoughts.”

“It’s just me and y-you, I mean you look… Have you seen you? And I’m just this…” I was rambling fast, slowly mentally falling apart. “I can’t do this to you. It’s not fair and you do deserve someone better that will give you everything that I can’t.”

A second later he made me sit back on his bed and he squatted in front of me. “Breathe,” he said gently. “First, I am not trying to make a move tonight,” he started to explain. “However, I did want to know your reaction seeing me like this,” he pointed at the fact that he was wearing a simple towel. “It’s cute that you are blushing and having this reaction. On the other hand, the way you still think that any other woman would be better for me – now that is a fucking bullshit. They would never be able to give me what you can.”

“Please, stop,” I put a finger over his lips to make him silent for a second. “I am also afraid that once you have a way with me, and see what is underneath the clothes, you will dump me the morning after. I am scared to believe you most of the things you say to me.”

“Someone did hurt your mind and soul,” he grabbed my hands into his. ��I promise you that everything I say to you is true and I will do everything in my power to prove it to you. I will do whatever I can to make you feel comfortable, loved and sexy in your skin. That is the least I can do for you. You care for me, accepted the monster I am…”

After those words, I jumped onto him, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Tears fell on my cheek. It hurt me that he thought he was a monster. “Don’t you fucking dare to say that word to yourself,” I said, crying. “You are not a monster; you never were. Those fuckers did that to you, to an innocent man. You are so much more than you can imagine.” I took a deep breath. “I fucking love you so much, James. You deserve the world and someone better than me.”

“I’m going to stop you right there,” he wiped the tears away from my cheeks. “You want the best for me and you wouldn’t let yourself to have the same treatment.”

It made sense of what he said. I would do anything for him, even take the pain, but I would not let him do the same for me – I would not let anyone do the same thing for me.

“Don’t be afraid to let me in. I will not hurt you,” he added.

“I know,” I nodded, eyes falling on the floor. It was a struggle not to look between his legs where his towel was ending. “I want to let you in, I am trying.” Suddenly, I smiled. “I want to do everything with you, you know? Be playful, be clingy. Do the missions and work as well as doing the dirty stuff,” I blushed.

He laughed but instantly kissed my forehead. “We can do everything you want. But hear this – I will always be too protective of you, even during missions. I will not be forcing you into things you are not comfortable with and when it comes to the dirty stuff, we can slowly work on that as I promised.”

“And I will try to not be a prude.”

“You are not a prude.”

Just as Bucky stood up, his towel let loose right in front of my eyes and it fell on the floor. The moment we had was instantly gone and he was standing in front of me in all his glory – naked. My eyes widened and my cheeks were red as a tomato. Holy shit, he was thick.

“Sorry,” he laughed and took the towel, covering his penis.

“N-no, no, uh, i-it’s totally fine,” I stuttered. “I’ll just have something to think about.”

Bucky went to his drawers to pick up some sweatpants to put on. “Get into the bed and find a movie. I’ll be right with you.”

I did as told and hid under the covers, trying to find something on his TV that was on the wall, opposite the bed. Minutes later, Bucky was by my side, getting comfortable in the bed. I handed him a cup of tea and we started to watch Detective Pokémon – because I wanted to show him what my childhood was.

“Now I understand why you loved these creatures so much,” he said mostly to himself, but I heard it and laughed a little.

It was cute and I was glad that Bucky came to my life. I knew it was worth opening up to him and being more available. Thinking about everything that happened between us the last week or so, I kept going back to the feeling when something was about to happen between us. Maybe, it was not fear that was going through my body, but anticipation.

I took a quick look at Bucky who had his eyes focused on the screen, occasionally laughing. I smiled lovingly. This man was the one I was looking for.

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x you #Bucky Barnes x female reader #Bucky x reader #Bucky x you #Bucky x female reader #James Barnes #james bucky barnes #james buchannan barnes #Marvel fanfiction #implied smut #insecurities #love #Bucky Barnes fanfiction

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coloraturadiva · 4 years

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A mistake - Chapter 3

Pairing: Napoleon Solo x F!Reader (You)

Summary: Napoleon realises he had made a mistake

Chapters: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Warnings: angst, fluff, pregnancy (I’m sure I forgot something...)

Word Count: 2692

A/N: a special thank you to my lovely beta @iloveyouyen ! This is the third and last chapter of this story, I hope you’ll like it 😉

Disclaimer: a strict work of fiction, I own nothing except the original characters and the plot line. In no way am I affiliated to any of it.

Feedback, reblogs and constructive criticism are appreciated!

Please don't post any of my content anywhere else without my permission. Comments and reblogs welcome!

Tagging some people that never asked for it and others that actually did: @iloveyouyen @littlefreya @aletheladyinred @madbaddic7ed @promptandpros @mrsaugustwalker @jencanbeyouryengeralt @radaofrivia @henrythickcavill @ladyreapermc @mary-ann84 @onlyhenrys @qualitynightkoala @eefjedegraaf @summersong69 @minillamakeup-blog @trippedmetaldetector @maan24 @bichibibi @rn7rocks

Knock knock

“What are you doing here?”

There he was. You had heard no words from him for the past 2 weeks. As he said, he came to the house the day after he left to collect his things when you were at work and left his keys in the mailbox.

Now he stood on your doorstep looking like he was the one suffering from morning sickness. He was looking terrible, not his usual spit and polish self. Pale, his lips dehydrated, the eyes dull and puffy, the hair messy: he looked like he had aged 20 years in 14 days.

“Can I come in?”

“Of course” you felt unsure about his intentions, but you let him in nevertheless . “This is still your house anyway”. You didn't hear a word from him or his lawyer. You had expected a phone call or even papers delivered to you in a couple of days, but nothing happened, and you thought that he had been whisked away on a mission before having the time to arrange the situation with a lawyer.

“What do you want?” you asked him, not daring to look at him in the eye, fearing you'd burst out crying. You had cried so much during the past weeks that you thought you had no more tears in you, but his sudden appearance made you feel teary all over again.

“I left two very important things there” he answered in a soft, but raspy tone. Even his voice didn't sound like it used to be.

“Really?” you tried to sound polite, even if a million of different emotions were raging in your head: anger, fear, sorrow, loneliness, the urge to kiss him one last time... “What? I haven't seen anything...”

“My wife and my baby”.

“What?” your head span. You didn't trust your legs and went to sit on the closest seat you could find: an armchair in the parlour.

He followed you, terrified. His face turned even paler than before.

“What happened? Are you unwell?” he kneeled in front of you, his voice trembled with worry.

Your head snapped up. You looked at him in the eye for a second and... slapped him. You slapped him with all the force you had in your body. Maybe slapping a CIA agent wasn't the best idea for your safety, but you couldn't help yourself. He had to steady himself on the nearby sofa not to fall.

“YOU IDIOT! You come here out of nowhere after having left your PREGNANT wife and you even have the courage to ask me what happened and if I am unwell?! Of course I'm unwell, you broke my heart!” you were flushed, your breath laboured.

He looked at you wide eyed.

“I'm so sorry...” he began in a pleading tone, looking at his hands: he was still wearing his wedding band. Like you. “I panicked. I fucked it all up big time. I know I don't deserve to ask for anything and I'll understand if you won't get me back, but I had to try. I couldn't let go of everything we have built this way. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself knowing I hadn't tried to get you back.”

“You did, all with your hands” you retorted bitterly.

“I know. And I'm the most stupid and undeserving man in the world. But I'm madly in love with you and I can't let you go for any reason.”

“Except an unwanted child” you bashed him.

He bowed his head.

“I... I wasn't expecting it. Coming home and seeing you with a bump...”

“No, you never wanted it, it's not the surprise factor. That would have caused you to stay speechless, to panic for ten minutes, to say something stupid, not to leave me in less than two minutes, without giving me the opportunity to explain, with those bitter words.”

“Bitter words?” he asked lost.

“I knew a baby would have come to separate us. That's what you said. It's not the baby's fault! How can it be? It's your fault! You went away treating me like a broken object, without even looking at me. Not even an animal deserves to be treated that way! And you started to talk about divorce papers in less than three seconds after having realised I was pregnant. That broke my heart, you know that? That physically broke my heart! That evening I thought I was gonna die right on the floor, where you had left me! And why did you do that? Because things weren’t going like you wanted, because I displeased you! How awful! And it happened ONCE. Once in all the years we have been together! Well, sorry, but I was not born with the sole purpose to please your cravings and your ego, I’m human too and I have my interests and my wishes as well. You always knew, from the very start, that I wanted to build a family with you, but you were so obsessively against the idea of having kids that I renounced my own wishes because I wanted to be with you. I’m sure you believe that I did get pregnant on purpose, but I didn’t do it, I swear. I was as surprised as you when I found out. I’m not the one that goes behind other people's backs, you are... So you wanted to punish me for something that’s not my fault, or, at least, is your fault as well. Of course! You are the important one here, while I’m the stupid, lovesick woman that offended you by getting pregnant, but I’ll never feel sorry about loving my baby! You can’t throw away people like a broken toy because things aren’t going like you have planned. I won’t accept it.”

He felt ashamed of himself like he never felt in his whole life. Stealing, the black market, spying, that was nothing compared to what he had done to you without even realizing.

“And you know what's the worst part of it?” you continued. “That I loved you. I kept on loving you anyway. Even if you had treated me so bad, I couldn't bring myself to hate you. Hating you would have made everything easy, but it was impossible. When I arrived home after work the day after you left, I hoped to find you there, or at least that you hadn't come to take away your things. That would have meant that you were in doubt, that you were still thinking about it. But when I arrived home, I saw that all was gone. Your wardrobe was empty, your drawers were empty, your library was empty, even the comforting smell of you was gone from this house. My heart broke yet again. It was really the end...”

You started sobbing, all the emotions of the past weeks washed over you at once. You felt overwhelmed.

"Do you want to know why I left?" he asked looking at the floor after having taken a deep breath. "Because I'm scared…"

"Oh, don't tell me!" you answered sarcastically. "The hero, the great secret agent is scared of a baby! Please, I'm not that stupid…"

"I'm not scared OF a baby." He whispered. "I'm scared FOR the baby. And for you".

"What?" you asked not getting his point. What was to be scared about? Women get pregnant and babies are born everyday. It's normal, it's natural.

"I… I've always been worried about your safety…" he hesitated. "You know who I am, you know what I have done, you know what I do… I can't control everything, I can't be here to protect you all the time. I'm constantly worried that one day someone could decide to seek revenge against me by hurting you. It's something that has been burning me from the inside since the very first time I saw you. I can't bear the thought of you getting hurt because of me. You don't deserve it, it's not right. I've done my fair share of bad things, but you are innocent, you shouldn't be in this mess… But you are right, I'm an egoist. Even if I wanted you to be safe, I loved you too much, I wanted you to be mine… Even if it was a risk for you… That's why I never wanted a baby. Thinking of you being in danger is already a big hardship for me, but a baby… That's too much. That's not a life for a baby. I know very well how it hurts you having me to stay away on missions all that time, not knowing if I'll come back all in one piece. That's wrong. A baby and a young mother shouldn't be living like that… That's why I panicked, that's why I left. I thought that with me gone, maybe you could have been safe, you could have built a new and better life for the two of you. Maybe with a better man… That’s it. I panicked and in my head, going away was a way to protect you..." he paused for long minutes, playing nervously with his wedding ring. "What can I do to make amends?” he begged. “Please, tell me.”

You kept on crying. You had no idea. You loved him, but he had hurt you so much you didn't know what you really wanted.

He was devastated. Seeing you crying, so trembling and fragile and all because of him made him feel physically sick.

He didn't think too much about it, or at the consequences: he went to sit on the armrest of the armchair and took you into his arms. He didn't move, he didn't caress you, he just held you still.

At first you were stiff, unsure about the unexpected contact, but soon enough you melted in his arms. It felt so good to be back where you felt you belonged after such a long time. You were unsure if you could ever forgive him, but you also knew that you couldn't live without him.

“What made you change your mind?” you suddenly asked in a whisper. “Why did you come here today?”

“You. Both of you.” He hesitated, his voice trembled. He sounded deeply emotional. “I mean, I love you. It's you, it's our baby. I don't want you to be with another man… I want to see our baby grow… I know it's a risk and I don’t know if I can protect you, but at least I want to try. I can't let you go… "

“Our baby” you sobbed.

“Yes, of course you were right. Like you are always right. It takes two to make a baby. I can't blame everything on you. I'm sure I did my part… I’m just a scared idiot, but I love you. It only took me too long to realise how much I love you and how important you and the baby are for me. More important than my fears.”

“The baby as well?”

“Yes, the baby as well. I love both of you so much”.

You sighed. He sounded like he meant his words. He sounded like himself again. A tired Napoleon, but your Napoleon.

“I... Your... Your grandmother visited me.”

“My grandmother? How? I don't know where you are staying now. How does she?”

“She probably has been a secret agent for all her life and never told a soul. I can't find a different explanation” he smiled. “Her methods are also quite... effective. I was there, tormenting myself to decide when was the best moment to come to you, if today was too soon, or already too late, when she knocked on my door, stormed in and gave me a lecture. She talked for 15 minutes straight, I think. She didn't let me say a word. And she beat me with her walking stick.”

“WHAT?”

“I told you her methods are effective. I said something that displeased her, and she wanted to make it clear.”

“You probably deserved it...”

“Indeed. I deserved that and your slap too.”

“You had already decided to come back before her visit?” you changed the subject.

“Yes. Two days after I left you, when I found myself with all my things in a house that wasn't ours and without you and having left you alone, I realised that I made the biggest mistake of my life.”

“That was nearly two weeks ago...”

“I know, but I didn't have the courage to come, I had no idea what to say...”

“And waiting made a difference?”

“Yes, because the more the days passed, the more I was sure that I missed you and that leaving you alone wasn’t the best way to keep you and the baby safe. I realised that I made a big mistake. Not being with you was a mistake… By leaving you I was only hurting you, not protecting you...”

You both fell silent. One secretly praying to not have ruined it all with his own hands, the other reflecting on her feelings, trying to understand if forgiveness was an option.

“Could you ever forgive me?” he asked tentatively after several minutes, still holding you in his arms.

“No.”

He froze. He felt like he had been slapped again. But more forcefully, this time.

“I already did. The moment I let you in, I had already subconsciously forgiven you. I love you too much to live without you, I want to have you there with me. And you came back to me...” you sighed. “You know I can't stay mad at you for too long...” you softly smiled.

“Even after what I did?” he still didn't dare to look you in the eye.

“Even after what you did... I would like to believe that I'm doing it for the baby's sake, but the truth is that I'm doing it for myself. I'm terribly greedy when it comes to you.”

He dared to kiss you on the top of your head. You didn't resist.

It felt so good. It felt simply right.

You suddenly disentangled from his arms and got up from the armchair. You started to walk away.

Napoleon was startled. What was happening? Why did you start to move so suddenly? The kiss was too much?

“Come with me”. He heard your voice from the corridor and bolted in your direction.

He caught up with you in the guest room.

You turned to face him, standing close to a big box.

"Yesterday I saw this crib in a shop and even if it's a bit early, I had to buy it. But I'll need your help to put it together" you smiled weakly.

Napoleon looked at the big box. It was white, decorated with cute pastel green Teddy bears. He always had a penchant for beautiful (and expensive) things, he was an expert in art and antiquities anyway, and was used to treating himself with ridiculously expensive clothes, but had never paid attention to these kinds of things, thinking they would never interest him. However, right now that box looked to him as magnificent as a Raffaello painting.

He neared you gingerly, afraid of doing something wrong.

"Are you sure?”

“Yes. I want to put this crib together with you. And all the rest of the things for the baby. And us. I want us to be together...” you trailed off.

“I miss you”.

“I miss you too.”

You looked down at your growing belly.

“Come here” you threw your arms around his neck. One of Napoleon's hands went instinctively to your belly. You looked carefully at his face. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, but was trying hard not to break apart in front of you.

“How are you?” he sounded suddenly concerned about your health. “How do you feel?”

You cupped his cheek.

“I'm good now” you smiled at him.

“I'm sorry. For everything” he uttered, deep affliction clearly ringing in his voice. "You'll be safe. Both of you. I promise…"

“I know” you answered softly. “Let's forget about the past weeks, shall we? Let's start anew from today.”

“I love you Y/N”.

“I love you Napoleon”.

Thanks to everyone who read my story and made it to the end! 😘

#henry cavill #henry cavill fanfic #napoleon solo #napoleon solo fanfic #fanfic #fan fiction #the man from uncle #napoleonxreader #napoleonsoloxreader #napoleon solo x reader #napoleon solo x you #xyou #napoleon solo x female!reader #female!reader #female reader #wrinting

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jessefandomunited · 3 years

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I Will follow Him- Part 2 Steve Harrington X Reader-Meeting the Byers

I was nervous as I always am when meeting new people , I have this weird need for people to like me which is a blessing and a curse. On one hand I’ve never had an issue with faking any sincerity to get people to trust me because I didn’t genuinely want to get to know them and have them like me back, but it also make the leaving part devastating. I hesitated a moment before I finally pressed the doorbell. In the back I heard murmurs of “ did you invite anyone over?” Finally after a minuet the door opened and Joyce was standing there a bit guarded. “ I’m so sorry did I interrupt something? I just wanted to bring over some cookies and introduce myself. My name is Quinn Rivers,” I introduced, the first of many lies id tell them in my time here. “ Oh my no you’re not interrupting,” She said suddenly ashamed for being so protective, “ It’s very nice to meet you I’m Joyce Byers , wont you come in.” “ Oh I can’t stay long it’s been a very busy day and i’m more than ready to watch some tv and eat the rest of the cookies I made before going to bed,” I chuckled, little too real tone it back she dosent need that much detail. “ Oh well let me just introduce you to my boys then,” She said with a bright smile. The two boys in question were sitting at a table eating dinner, and stood up as I walked over . “ This is Will,” She said as the highschool age boy extended his hand . I shook it and she continued, “ And my oldest Johnathan.” I shook his hand as well. Taking the entire family in I could just tell they had been through some shit all of them looked incredibly tired like they needed a good long vacation. Will looked like he was ready to jump at his own shadow, Joyce looked like she had done too much on her own for too long, and Johnathan looked like he was on the brink of tears. I felt for them and smiled, “ it’s very nice to meet you all.” She nodded and said, “ are you sure you can’t stay for dinner you can’t tell me you’re just eating cookies for dinner.” “ I mean life is short eat dessert first right,” I said with a weak laugh, “ but no I wouldn’t want to intrude.” “ You’re not intruding on anything,” She insisted. “ Yes, please do,” Johnathan said walking back over to the table. “ Well I mean okay,” I could still feel my hair dripping from the shower and I tried to squeeze it out and rub the excess on my leg to avoid it dripping on the floor. “ We’re having meatloaf,” Joyce said handing me a plate. “ Thankyou ,” I said taking a small portion. I think it’s my constant anxiety but it was hard for me to eat anything while I was on a mission. I took a bite as not to appear rude and said, “ incredible.” She smiled and Will finally asked, “ so where did you live before here?” I thought back ,” well i’m a bit of a traveler. I guess trying to find a home I am originally from California but i’ve been all over most recently Michigan.” “ Wohh cool,” He said , “ So are you more of a bard or like a lone rouge?” “ Will I don’t think,” Jonathan started but I stopped him, “ I would love to say i’m as charismatic as most bards are but I think id definitely fit the lone wold rouge better.” His eyes widen, “ YOU PLAY DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS?!” I chuckled, “ when I can find a group my half elf Piper has been very lonely recently and when that happens she tends to act out more often so I definitely need to find a new one.” “ Well if I finally get my other friends to get back into it i’ll definitely invite you,” He insisted.“ Thankyou that’s kind of you, “ I said with a light smile. “ So have you found work yet, because I heard my job may be looking for more help,” Joyce suggested. “ Oh thanks but I actually got a job at video store, Family Video.” “ NO way that’s where Steve works, me and my friends go there all the time” Will said happily. “ Is that a good thing ,” I chuckled and Jonathan shrugged, “ I mean he’s alright I guess, Robin is more of the nerd though.” “ Oh yeah you and Robin will get along good but Steve isn’t bad either ,” Will implored making Jonathan roll his eyes a bit, I senses a bit of tension between the two. “ Well i’m excited to meet them both ,” I brightened, “ I’m very glad I got to talk to you guys a bit, but i’m very tired , my first day of work is tomorrow.” “ Of course,” Joyce said, “ take the plate I don’t want you to just eat cookies.” “ Thanks but i’m okay I just get really nervous when I get to new places, its hard for me to eat,” I said sheepishly making her look more concerned, “ well, if you need anything just come over alright.” “ Will do, and again wonderful to meet you all,” I said with a wave. “ I’ll tell my friends about you and we’ll visit at work tomorrow,” Will called. “ I can’t wait I chuckled. Joyce walked me out and said another goodbye as I walked back over to my place racked with guilt.

#i will follow him #steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #stranger things #joe keery

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