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everything-laito · 3 years

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hey,,, i've seen this controversial opinion about laito not being sexually assaulted by cordelia. . .as the only opinion of laito that matters, what are your thoughts on it? i know you've made some posts in the past about cordelia and laito's relationship, but i think that now would be a good time to i guess, remake a post or clarify your thoughts so people could follow along?? i hope you enjoy your day.

*proceeds to crack all my knuckles at once*

This isn't really my own "response" cuz oh boy I'm sick of this petty ass drama lmao. To begin, SKLDJF I'm very flattered that you hold my opinion in that high of regard! I'd say there's others that have interesting interpretations of him too though :) but again, thank you :') glad you enjoy what I have to say!

I know I've already kinda responded to this via a screenshot here, just to hold you––and others reading this––over. As much as this is a great time to talk about a how-to-analysis, I’ll still put that as a separate post eventually, but I still will go over the philosophy of truth and writings etc. But anyways, to answer your initial questions, they’re under the cut!

And no, I’m not specifically calling anyone out here. These are just issues with the fandom that I find as a whole, along with some extremists. Thus, I’m not going to be putting tags for people to easily find this post because I don’t want to be wound up in this drama––once again this is just more commentary on the fandom as a whole, which hopefully you can apply to people you find!

I have a lot of my own thoughts about Cordelia and Laito’s relationship here (just in case if people need it):

1. Goes over potential grooming of Laito, facts about Cordelia and what happened before she did stuff to Laito, and when did she rape Laito for the first time?

2. Stuff about incest and how any relationship out of a parental/child relationship is abuse even if it’s not penetrative sex, more incest stuff, and just more thoughts on their relationship

3. Neuroplasticity, trauma, Karlheinz, and isolation

4. What does sexual trauma look like? And some stuff on Laito’s facade

5. More stuff on his facade, and projection on Yui

6. My thoughts on Laito’s dark fate vampire ending + Conclusion

7. Answering some inbox stuff relating to Cordelia

Sure I realize I might be missing some stuff but that’s just my whole analysis on them. I’ll probably make some follow up posts eventually but I’m not sure when that will be.

But as for this analysis/ramble, I’ll divide it up into sections:

The issue of hypocrisy in the Dialovers fandom:

I- oh dear god. Ok, just saying, there’s a lot of people being like “oh I hate Cordelia because she was abusive” then ??? yo??? Why do you like the boys?? They’re abusive and we see more of them than Cordelia??? I just personally hate hypocrisy. However, it’s okay to hate Cordelia! It’s okay to love Cordelia! It’s okay to hate the boys and it’s okay to love the boys too. But recognizing that you don’t like one or the other just because “they’re abusive” is a fallacy at that point.

The reason why so many people hate Karlheinz/Cordelia/Beatrix/Christa/Richter (or at least start off hating them) is because they are written as the villains of the story! Karl’s the main villain, and the rest (including the diaboys and Yui) are kinda just tragically wound up in his plans. You sympathize more with the boys because you spend more time with them and watch them grow! It’s a whole “us vs them” situation. Since those people were awful to the boys/the boys hate them, you’re like “yeah they’re bad!” But the issue with the whole “us vs them” situation (as in real life) is that people tend to excuse the actions done by the “us” party.

Same thing goes with extreme Karl/Cordelia/Richter fans (I’ve never seen a hardcore Beatrix/Christa fan but they’re probably out there). Some hate the diaboys but love the people in that party. They’ve also done some shitty stuff too! Bro, even Yui has done some terrible stuff! But that’s because she was a product of the events she was thrown into––and same with everyone else.

Karl has been the mastermind of all this, and for me I don’t have any sympathy for him, mainly because we’re not shown anything to sympathize with (except that he just is tired of living but idk why he wants to create a whole new race like lmao science nerd ig, I feel that king). A lot of people like him for his looks, and I’m not saying that’s a bad thing––he’s a fictional character, objectify these characters however you want. This is more of a personal opinion of mine though. And maybe people do just sympathize with his outlook on life, that’s totally fine.

But since these characters are all attractive in their own regard, they all get the treatment of “pretty-boy” syndrome (Idek if that’s the exact name for it). Which is just the privilege pretty people get. But again, this is fictional, so it’s not necessarily important in this case. Bro I got into DL cuz of “ooga booga hot vampires” and stayed for the complex lore and characters (especially one complex character, wonder who that could be). I imagine most people got into DL because of that, or out of sheer curiosity.

Ok, I’m throwing out a lot of points but not really connecting them. Lemme give you an example: I don’t like Reiji. His character doesn’t vibe with me most of the time aside from the fact that he’s hilarious. But I just am very neutral/neutral-negative on his character. But I’m not like “oh cuz he’s mean/abusive” cuz LOL EVERYONES MEAN IN THIS GAME. Sure you can still say that, it’s just not a very strong claim. Hypocritical claims tend to be like that. Same with a lot of Yui haters. In this case, they’re more jealous that she’s there and not them, which I’ve explained a lot in this post about toxic femininity and Yui in the fandom etc. But it’s ok to just not like a character! It’s alright! I know someone who just doesn’t vibe with Subaru. She doesn’t know why, she just doesn’t vibe with him. There’s no need to defend it either. But the use of hypocrisy is my main issue, and I’ll get to that in the next section.

(There’s a really good post explaining this too but I cannot find it for the life of me. I think it was made by @/abottleofkarlheinz or @/the-madame21)

How opinions of fictional universes left unchecked can effect real life:

I’ve said this a little bit in that Dialover PSA post I’ve made about Yui that I linked a couple paragraphs ago. But the reasons why people say they hate Yui is concerning. If you don’t like Yui, that’s totally fine! Again you don’t need reasons to hate on a character or defend it. But if you do choose to defend those characters, make sure what you’re saying isn’t out of some other place in your heart. Let me explain.

In that “Yui PSA” post I made, I say how your attitudes in being critical of a fictional universe usually does reflect on who you are as a person, at least when you’re making certain claims. In that Yui post, I say that the hatred on Yui is a result of the “other girl” mentality. On top of that, it erases her experience as a survivor. Yes, this is a fictional character, but bringing that into real life can have some dire consequences if you don’t differentiate them. If you have the same attitude of Yui with other survivors if the “abuser is hot” then thaaaaaat’s so fucked up.

For example, there’s people who have crushes on real life serial killers! That- that’s absolutely disgusting! Those real people killed living people and effected so many lives and families. Dude I have fictional crushes on fictional serial killers, and that’s different, because it is a removed universe. It’s why I can still call myself a lesbian but still have crushes on fictional male characters, for a further example (and vice versa! I have straight friends who crush on fictional characters of their same gender! But that doesn’t make them any less straight. And no, I’m not erasing bi people here either, just clarifying in case if you needed that).

Not being able to differentiate your opinions of a fictional universe can get very toxic. Like I love Laito, but I’m not like “omg I wish he was real so he could do that stuff to me uwu” like no!!! UH!!! I wouldn’t want to date anyone like him in real life! That’s literal abuse! And if Laito was here in real life it’s not a controlled environment, he’d literally be able to do anything with you, etc. That’s what makes a fantasy, a fantasy. They’re controlled.

Also vice versa, some people get really triggered by Dialovers, specifically Laito’s route. A lot of non-consensual acts that he does have been experienced by people in real life in any extent, myself included. For me, it’s a personal escape from that, because it is an environment where I am prepared for those events and can control my exposure to it. For some, they are reminded of the reality they had to experience. Fictional universes are inspired by real life, no matter what way you look at it. Real life people are making it, after all.

I feel like I’m going in so many circles, but trust me, I’m getting to the point.

I- I can’t explain this enough but it is most definitely implied that Cordelia had raped and sexually abused Laito. If it was explicit, DL would be an 18+ game, but they cannot do that in Japan. I’m not going to like defend this point because so many people (myself included) have defended this point. It’s implications carry over into Laito’s character and why he’s like this. He’s a textbook sexual abuse survivor. I just,,,, cannot explain this enough. Same thing with overwriting the abuse of Yui. They get jealous of Yui. Sure I’d say a good chunk of people have ravishment fantasies here. At least the 18+ people in the fandom who are into that stuff. But oh my dear god, ravishment fantasies are super super dangerous to enact in real life. It’s possible to do them, but it would take years of building up to that point in kink. That’s a whole other discussion though and I’m not incredibly comfortable talking about it knowing that minors read my blog (I’ll also have to say here: no minors in kink--its alright to educate yourself but pleaaaaaaaaaase don’t enact on any of those activities until you are of age, and even so that still can be dangerous right as you turn 18).

But anyways, saying that Yui should enjoy this because she’s experienced the ravishment fantasy you’ve dreamed of? Oh fucking hell, if you leave that opinion and mentality unchecked and it goes into real life, that’s incredibly awful. Abuse apologists are absolutely terrible people, almost as much as the abusers themselves.

If you twist the narrative that Laito loves Cordelia or Yui loves the boys at the end of the first game, that’s still––ughhhhhhhh. Especially when it’s so obvious that Laito has so many mental issues with Cordelia. His whole monologue and breakdown at the end of Dark Fate definitely tells us that he has had such an issue with Cordelia. And MB+ Laito is still Laito. As for Yui, dude she literally goes through stockholm syndrome in the first game like it is so goddamn apparent idek how to explain this at this point.

Ok dear god lmao wow, uh I think that’s answering the first couple of questions?

The philosophy of truth:

“Truth” has been an incredibly debated topic in philosophy for years. Truth is more of a subjective item rather than objective. Sure you can have personal objective truths, but they may not be the same truths for others. For example, a tomato is red. However, that tomato is red to me, because I am not color blind. A red-green color blind person may see the tomato as being brown or more muted in color. That’s their truth. They can’t really imagine what red is (ok depending on severity of their color blindness), considering they have not experienced the color red in the same way people who don’t have color blindness do. God uh, here’s a whole ass essay about truth, I’m cherry picking some of the things in there that are relevant to this.

Basically what I’m saying is, truth is very subjective. However, there are philosophers arguing a more objective truth. But that’s a whole other discussion. Also, this isn’t to support any political opinion, but I can use that as an example. Let’s go for well... The death penalty. I’m in America, we have the death penalty in some states. Yes, this is a very controversial topic, and no I’m not arguing the ethics of it here. Just hear me out.

If you live in Europe for example (except in Belarus and Russia––ok when I looked it up they consider Russia in Europe and technically it is but also there’s the whole chunk that is not- lmao even the truth of geography can be subjective), you might be like “yeah what the fuck are Americans doing?” (a common sentiment that I also share lmao). But yeah, what the fuck are we doing? Why is the death penalty still in existence? Yes, there’s statistics that prove that it doesn’t deter crime, but even crime rates is caused by a lot of different things too. Even statistics aren’t always accurate, because of many different factors. They’re not objective either, although good statisticians try their best to get good results and not skew the data. (please try to see where your data is coming from and who it is sponsored by––it matters a TON)

I’d say the closest thing we have as an objective truth to argue the death penalty or not is money. Money, although the concept is subjective, is a very objective currency. It’s why artists hate “exposure” compared to “money” as sole currency. The death penalty is very expensive, and not even used that often.

So, although money is currency made by us, and is technically 75% linen and 25% cotton (in America at least) with some funky dudes n numbers printed on it, it doesn’t sound that special. However, it would be considered as a baseline of some type of “objective truth” in ~society~ because people are typically on the same page of what money’s worth. Even so, this baseline of truth is still subjective! If Bill Gates accidentally has a $20 bill fall out of his pocket, that’s nothing to him! But if someone who’s working very hard to make ends meet loses that same amount of money, it could deal a lot of financial damage to that person.

Ok, hopefully you guys kind of get my drift. There are a lot of theories of truth, I’m just explaining one (honestly I forget the name of this theory) because it is the closest to the types of truth we are dealing with. And in this case, it’s called “canon.”

What the fuck is analysis:

The concept of “canon” is the objective truth that we have when analyzing universes. They’re our bread and butter of interpretation and extrapolation. The art of analysis clings to this notion of an objective truth. It needs a baseline. I’m going off of Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle, because that type of analysis I have the most experience with.

This is called rhetorical analysis. Rhetoric is the use of words in a persuasive fashion, and the analysis part is a breakdown of how words are used in order to achieve persuasiveness. I don’t typically use a lot of explicit rhetorical analysis in my personal writings, but I guess a version of it. Which typically has to deal with intention and execution. A lot of analysis on language has to do with this. Language is incredibly subjective. Certain words carry individual meanings to people. I have gone over the difference between real and lexical definitions before, and I’ll do it again.

I’ll just copy and paste what I’ve said before here from this analysis:

To put it simply, lexical definitions are the definitions you find in the dictionary. This is an “official” and “agreed upon” definition. Real definitions (quite a misleading name in my opinion) is the definition that’s more kind of “felt” in a way and how you internally interpret the word in context (these can be through individuals or any niche group). What I mean by this is that when you say a word (for example) to convey a feeling, you usually won’t know the dictionary definition off the top of your head. You say that something’s “savage” for example when you want to describe something violent or gruesomely awesome (it depends if it’s in a slang context or not) but there’s many lexical definitions (and outdated lexical definitions) of the term. But the first definition that usually comes up is “adj (of an animal or force of nature) fierce, violent, and uncontrolled.”

But people typically don’t think of the lexical definition when they learn what a word means; they usually learn the context of it and apply it as such. And that’s what a “real” definition is. Laito has a differing definition of what affection and love is, and that’s his own meaning and what it means to him.

I’ll even add another example to that too. The word “cunt” in english refers to a vagina. That’s just it. It’s lexically synonymous with “vagina,” “pussy,” etc. However, “cunt” has a subjective meaning to it. This is where “real” definitions also come into play. Many people view the word as vulgar and dirty. And that’s cuz we live in a ~society~ lmao. Our use of language has shaped what this word means in a context outside of the dictionary. I’ll do you one more. The Japanese word マンコ (manko) is also vulgar slang that’s kind of like our word “cunt/pussy.” Sometimes I say “cunt” for jokes, but I don’t use it that often to begin with since it’s just a very strong word to most (albeit it’s not that strong of a word for me). However, マンコ is a strong word to many Japanese people, but if I hear it even though I’ve been learning Japanese, it doesn’t have that same effect as hearing “cunt” for me is (which still, idc if I really hear it depending on context) because I haven’t been shaped in a culture that uses Japanese.

Even so, tone, intention, and context is HUGE in this. If someone called me a “useless fucking cunt” when they’re angry at me, I’d be close to crying. If someone told that to me as a joke, I’d be like “lol yeah you right, bitchass” and if someone said that in a consensual sexual context, it would certainly tickle my masochistic heart.

DSLKFJ also sorry if you don’t like hearing that word, I just had to utilize a strong example for this. But anyways, now let’s change the lens to Dialovers.

No, it never explicitly says that Cordelia rapes Laito. It doesn’t. However, there’s this WACKY thing called being able to infer, reading between the lines, and identifying implications. Those are kind of all the same things. However, indirect exposition is used a lot in effective creative writing. The utilization of this type of exposition is more preferred when writing a story, because direct exposition is kind of referred to as “info-dumping” when used excessively. Forgive my jargon: this is just showing vs telling as we’re taught in every writing class. I’m personally very bad at it, which is why I stick to writing these, and stick to reading creative fiction. (NOT SAYING IF YOU’RE NOT GOOD AT THIS TO NOT CONTINUE TO PRACTICE CREATIVE FICTION, I JUST DONT HAVE THE CURRENT MOTIVATION TO GET GOOD AT IT)

Dialovers uses a LOOOOOT of showing. And even so, its “showing” ability is very minimal considering the Japanese language can be vague on its own, it’s medium (visual novel) does not show a lot of things explicitly most of the time (and even when it is shown it doesn’t convey a lot). There’s several CGs of Laito and Yui where it doesn’t show the amount of pain or the dire situation Yui’s in, compared to what she’s saying she’s going through.

When I made my whole breakdown on Laito’s HDB route from Yui’s perspective, I got several comments about how they didn’t realize how bad his route really was. That’s either because people might not have experience with verbal abuse themselves, can’t exactly see Yui’s body language except her head (and even so, her expressions are limited), or don’t know a lot of gaslighting/verbal abuse techniques/have done research into it. Honestly verbal abuse is kind of hard to realize, so I’m not calling anyone dumb here. Despite me knowing a lot of the signs, I didn’t know I went through it––and even so I’ve denied it. And that’s what is so effective about this game though! Especially Laito’s route! Because you’re also sucked in with limited knowledge because you’re seeing this through Yui’s perspective, and on top of that it’s isolating. You can only make so many choices, and I feel like Dialovers is perfect as a visual novel. You get caught up with a lot of shock value things that Laito says, which serves as a perfect distraction for your first time through. But anyways, I’m getting off track.

For example, many people found his Maniac 07 chapter to be very confusing. I broke that one down here as well, and even so I was confused at first (also I was like 14/15, dear god). It tells you SO little, but you know that Laito’s incredibly upset at Richter for some reason, and even so, Yui comments on it a little too. Laito is shown to still hate Richter in DF, but he talks about it a tad more.

Here’s a further example from my writings in that first part of the Cordelia/Laito analysis series but I have bolded the terms I use to convey this rhetoric:

There hasn’t been any flashbacks that specifically show us the first time that happened. However, I believe that there was a flashback in HDB that shows one of the first times. Here’s a scene from Laito’s Dark Epilogue:

Cordelia: ー Laito…Laito… Laito: …Hm? Is something the matter? Cordelia: I have a favor to ask. It just isn’t enough. You can do it, right Laito? Laito: You really are something…So that’s why you came to me again? Cordelia: Fufufu…That’s right, Laito. Come on, quickly… Laito: …Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll love you plenty. Cordelia: Aah…My cute Laito~ I love you. I really do. Laito: I can do it…right? Cordelia: Of course, Laito. Now, quickly…

First of all, ew. Second of all, Laito’s diction implies that this was maybe the second or third time this occurred. He asks a question, and ends it with “again.” We know by this that it is not the first time, but the question also means that Laito might not have expected to occur again. His tone also implies some surprise to it, at least in my ears. His other question, “I can do it, right?” screams hesitance to me. If this scene took place down the line, or after many times he did this with Cordelia, I don’t believe he’d be some level of surprised or hesitance.

That’s what rhetorical analysis is. You take the contextual meaning of the words, the tone they use, and extrapolate what they imply. On top of this, we know that the term “love” here is sexual, implying that they did something sexual. We are not given the details of this, but considering we know that Laito uses “love” before he rapes Yui in the game, we can infer that’s what happened (or something similar) to himself with Cordelia, considering he projects on Yui quite a bit.

I was going to go over what is good/bad analysis, but I think I’ve implied it anyways here. Utilizing separate information from different sources of canon in order to make sense of something is good analysis. That’s our objective truth: canon. I’m not saying I’m the best at analysis, but I am fairly confident in it. It’s how I’m able to attempt to answer some of your “how would Laito react” questions without it being specifically hinted in the game. You cannot cherry pick specific sentences and go off of that alone for analysis. It’s context. It’s reading tone. It’s knowing the characters attitudes towards things, how they speak, etc. There’s a lot going into analysis in general. I know I didn’t elaborate on Aristotle’s rhetorical triangle right now, but that’s for another date I suppose.

Oh dear god I hope I didn’t lose you guys, I know this is a lot of information, but if you have any questions/comments/clarifications, as always, please let me know!

Hope you enjoyed! -Corn

#analysis #ask corn

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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 3 years

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Top five fanfics?

Oh fuck (gets shot)

Well, I shot myself in the foot with that one.

Keep in mind, these are in no particular order, and I'm a bit of a pleb when it comes to reading fanfic. I just tend to like what's popular or stuff written by my friends.

I need to give Height Treason by @wholesomeklei a huge shout-out.

I'm not sure if this fic will ever be continued or not. Last I heard of Klei, they had a cancer scare (it wasn't) updated a chapter about Sizz-lorr and then vanished from the internet entirely. I hope they're taking a much needed break from online stuff and nothing bad happened to them.

But anyways, I can not thank Height Treason enough for existing. It gells with the humor of canon so seemlessly it feels like I'm watching an "Invader Zim after dark" show. Yes, even despite the not safe for work canon.

I love the lore they weave and I'm always a fan of "zim finds out the truth of his mission and schmoops and gets revenge on the Irken empire" stories. Also Pining Zim has my whole heart.

And it even paints side characters with much love.

Membrane tries his best and sucks at parenting and it inspired me greatly for how I write and came to understand Membrane as a character.

Miss Bitters is a delight. Sargent Slabrankle gets a cameo. Tak's ship has an existential crisis. Gosshloog gets an entire chapter about a spicy love afair with his boss. Zim's Computer is his usual sassy self and has ackward conversations with a frustrated teenage Dib.

Like the love for the side characters is amazing.

Height Treason was the fanfic that inspired me to write an entire fanfiction based on Computer Brain lore.

The lore is amazing, it's in character and this fic inspired me SO MUCH and is the reason that Tech Support (and the Brainbrane fic by extension) even exists.

I've probably reread this fic over twenty times.

However, I can't link the fic here, since it's VERY nsfw. As in, explicit sex scenes later. (The chapter where zim learns sex education is great)

So I can't link it, but it's easily searchable on A03.

If you're of age, and don't mind nsfw I highly recommend it.

Honesty Hour by @patchworkpoltergeist is one of those new fandom classics.

Like I don't even know how describe this fic.

Honesty Hour chills me to the core and has me looking at my ceiling for hours on end questioning my own existence.

Like it's Zim gets therapy, but in a psychological horror way.

Patch is a master wordsmith and just has a way of describing things. Everything is in the details.

I just love how Zim thinks and that half the time I don't know what's going on as much as Zim does. Which is honestly more scary then I think.

There's lots of details that I miss and usually after talking about the chapter with Patch or the Moo-ping10 gang, I realize "oh fuck that's what happened?! The hell"

Anyways. I fear and look forward to every update.

But I honestly have to run a mental health check before I even attempt to read the chapters.

Emotions, Cryptids and the possible end of the world series by @bamsara

I feel Bamsara does onto theirself and I don't need to sing her fics praises but I will.

I am a bit behind on my reading, cause I haven't read the latest chapter of Galaxy Days yet.

But I love the casual yet feral friendship Dib and Zim have built throughout this series.

There's just a constant yearning throughout the whole thing, and the two boys are at the center of it all. Like the feeling of a real long road trip with no destination in mind. That's often what these series of fics feel like. There's an underlying tenderness and longing but also something dark and sinister. A lot of moments stay in my head for days after the fact. Not just the cryptids of the fic, but the smaller moments. Zim and Dib having breakfast in France as the sun rises, Dib crying his eyes out in a dingy motel room near the beach, Zim breaking into Dib's hospital room in the dark, Dib attacking Zim in a fit of insomnia hallucinations....

The list goes on.

There's plenty of good moments, and I've even drawn Zim giving Dib space (cause that's the fucking gayest romantic thing and I still lie in bed thinking about it)

Also Dib constantly running into Death's arms and Zim often doing fisticuffs with her and both getting stupid trauma over stupid decisions is very good.

I feel a lot of Sara's soul in these fics and it shows. Especially with how Dib is written and I can tell this is an extremely personal project with passion behind it and I can't help but admire that.

Every star another sun series by @dionysuscrysis

I really love this series. The end.

Okay, unfair.

But Dion's series really needs more views and appreciation.

I like how it just skips over the "zim and dib become friends somehow....realizes mission is fake..yadda yadda" part of the story and just jumps right into the thick of it.

Space Adventures! Wooooo!!!!

A giant sandworm, a Battle Zoo!!! An alien spa, badass good guy Skoodge, and mad max style sci-fi racing.

And I'm glad that Dib is already in his early twenties here. And Dib is just so smart with machines and not a complete lost duck in space. He's sharp as a tack and dumb as an ox this boy and I love him very much.

Lol I'm old. I'm sick of seeing teenage drama sometimes.

And I can also feel a lot of Dion's soul in their fics.

Lots of hurt comfort in here....

It's actually kinda like the Bamsara effect in reverse...

Instead of Dib throwing himself head first into danger...

Zim is the one doing it.

And Dib thinks an appropriate way to fix this is throw himself at the same danger.

Idiots.

Help them.

Parade of Indignities by @rissynicole

Finished recently and since then my heart has never known peace.

It's one of those fandom classics that I ended up reading due to Bamsara's fic recommendation list like roughly two years ago.

Rissy has a way with words and their strengths lend themselves to action scenes extremely well.

Zim finds himself critically ill and it's up to Dib to travel back to irken space to save him.

Thats the basic premise but there is so much more.

A conspiracy, involving the other Invaders, Zim's massive wall of denial, and how everything Zadf happens from Dib's perspective.

I remember reading all the available chapters (like 15 of them) all in one night until 5am the first time I read it.

It's a master suspense and thriller story and I enjoyed it very much.

I still have to leave a huge comment.

Also honorable recommendations:

@melodyofthevoid 's Royalty AU.

....just. it good. Save these kids.

And ofc me and @paketdimensioncomic 's collab fics:

"Jerking around the House" and "Membrane's guide to be a better parent, lose your fucking arms"

You're a delight to work with and I love how your writing style compliments my insane ramblings so they're less wordy.

Also gotta give a shout-out to my Baby Tech Support.

Is it vain to plug your own fics? Maybe.

Do I care.

Nah.

I love my stuff. And I'm glad others do too.

#invader zim #fanfic recs

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porta-decumana · 3 years

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5.55 spoilers below:

The MSQ was good. I’ve been pretty critical of the MSQ since 5.0 (it’s pacing has left a bit to be desired imo except for 5.3) and 5.5 did not feel like the hype train it needed to be but 5.55 rectified it somewhat. I still feel as though most of my hype is from the 6.0 trailers/info from Fanfest, not from how the story is presenting the next expac. But I still enjoyed it overall and thought it was def above passable. Just lacking a certain ‘oomph’ aspect I feel would’ve made it better. Definitely an A- in my book.

The solo instance was by far my favorite part of the MSQ and probably the best thing about 5.5. I loved getting to swap between the characters and revisit spooky lunar versions of our old primal friends. I was very excited to see Old Lord of Crowns back again when I got to play as Urianger. I hope that’s a sign that they’re revising the cards again, at least to give AST something a bit more for DPS rather than Malefic, Gravity, Combust, and Earthly Star. I really miss old Lord of Crowns. Critting that felt good.

Poor G’raha was probably traumatized by my awful BLM play.

Aymeric with the “I beg your pardon” line had me actually chuckling irl. I am glad we’re finally putting to rest the beast tribes as secondary, passive antagonists. It feels like a plot point overdue in terms of needing to be wrapped up.

Estinien dodging Aymeric just to fail to dodge Aymeric = good shit. I hope Estinien is also ready to have Nidhogg roar when he’s in my Trusts. What is that Koji? He wants to make sure he doesn’t go too hard and hurt us? He didn’t seem to care during the Carteneau instance. .__.

Fourchenault was very much what I expected. I feel like he’s sus though for reasons the characters have stated.

I’m still waiting for Fandaniel and Zenos to do something that feels pertinent other than vague about things as they have for the past 3 patches. It’s been nice and we did get a tidbit more with the roar from the tower but... I was wanting a bit more. Just a smidge. Also there’s no way that roar isn’t Anima. Having just watched FFX footage, the roar sounds the same but louder in FFXIV. Runner up thought: the roar is some primal embodiment of Garlemald which terrifies me more because what if that means a primal version of Solus? Anima seems more likely though.

Venat being the person at Silvertear feels basically confirmed now with Hydaelyn-like dialogue to go along with it. I question why nothing more is made of that scene. The WoL at this point is probably seasoned enough to be like “hey guys... there’s some shit going down, I just saw a weird glowing lady over there that sounds like Hydaelyn” but I digress, maybe that’s me projecting a bit.

I’m not done with Bozja yet (gotta do the new instance) but some thoughts after hitting rank 25:

I’m ngl, once I would’ve been all for the Mikoto x Cid stuff but since I have a friend who ships her WoL with Cid, I’m just... hm. It’s reaffirming the fact that I like having the NPCs having ambiguous love lives instead of having shipping in the actual quests. I think Yoshi P has made good calls in the past about being as open with stuff like that as possible so people can headcanon whatever they want. So seeing it up front... has me with mixed feelings.

Where is Nero, where is my boy. This entire experience would be improved if 1 Nero tol Scaeva was present.

Gaius getting namedropped was nice considering the entire Zadnor arc feels super ARR-esque. Gabranth feels like a younger Gaius with less indoctrination and a different end goal. Gabranth was my favorite character in XII and I’m excited to see more of him.

Oboro and Tsubame being in Zadnor were both pleasant surprises. As well as the Nagxia lore from the field notes.

Overall, Zadnor being the exact same thing as Bozja is just... I mean, I expected this. They told us this. But that doesn’t make it any more palatable. At least the level grind isn’t too awful (looking at you Eureka). The first area was abysmally flat and uninteresting but the rest of the zone is okay. I wish if we were gonna continue to get instances like that, they would be... less bland and flat? It just makes the slog seem more sloggish imo.

SHEMHAZAI <3

Lilja is growing on me. I wish her a happy be in more content in the future and a very live through all of it.

I continue to be conflicted about Misija. I think if I resent her at all, it’s because she kicked my ass one too many times in DR. I’m... intrigued about what will happen to her, I guess.

Fran showing up again with the speeder and giving me big XII nostalgia.

Cid coming back for this arc of Bozja ALSO felt really good. I was sad when he wasn’t around for the last few installments. I’m glad he’s getting to resolve his feelings about the Bozja Incident.

#ramblings //#5.55 spoilers #ffxiv spoilers #spoilers #msq spoilers #bozja spoilers #long post

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fandom-sheep · 3 years

Text

Eret 11 MAY 21

Cat and DSMP Part 1/1

Cat! Goose!

Goose my beloved.

Eret’s streaming very late for me again. So I’m not staying the whole time.

Hello Elaina. Enjoy Goose.

Fundy! Kinda...

Fundy hearing the donations. LOL.

Fundy enters a stream and it starts to scuffed. Scuffed just follows Fundy wherever he goes.

A wild my beloved on the cube.

The Drista stairs.

Wait what. Why is the tower gone?

I have missed some lore.

Ah... it’s part of the nightmare thing.

Eret offering Fundy housing like a good almost adoptive parent.

Sneeze? OH WOW SNEEZE.

Sounds like Fundy about lost a lung. Good gracious.

The bargaining between these two.

Cat, Handsome, said cube was massive

You know what that works.

It’s hard to keep the audio right for Eret’s stream for my headphones. It’s either too quiet or the loudest my headphones can go and my family can hear it.

On stream explosions. Noice.

Wow youtooz. Not super cool. Permission is usually a good thing.

Eret keeps on sizzling.

Getting dirt for scaffolding. Going old fashioned Minecraft for this.

“Why is the Cube kinda hot” cue Eret losing faith in her chats sanity.

Cube go poof.

Oh. Red stone. That’s dangerous.

I like this song. Oh klahoma. Gorgeous song.

Love joy is such a fun band. I want to make a plushy of the cat.

It’s kinda sad that Eret can’t see themselves the way chat and their little fandom sees them. Most all of us think they look fabulous.

Not Arson. Just bombing. A bit of anarchy by the king.

Demolition. Now there’s the word.

Controlled ish demolition.

Ah I’ve almost saved enough channel points for water. Nice. I’m not going to redeem it I’m just going to keep hoarding the points.

Flame Arrow. Nice.

Eret cleaning up the SMP eye sours.

Watch me attempt to sleep to Eret here in an hour or so, but keep getting distracted.

Explosion time.

Someone get ready to clip it.

Bye Bye Cube. Let’s go.

Gotta get a song that fits the vibe.

Hayloft. Time to go poof.

Turning up my brightness just to watch this explosion in the best way possible.

Still wearing the red dress I see.

I hope the music isn’t too loud to get this part muted.

Drum roll...

Drum roll continues...

Drum roll still going...

THERE GOES THE CUBE!

That was so smooth and good looking!

Overall a very good explosion.

Just a little bit of a hole in the other building.

Twitch Pr-

Poor being’s so confused with his hair. Someone help them.

Twitch bleep.

Everyone attempting to give hair styling advice. Everyone’s trying to help the being.

That bird is majestic. I remember seeing that tiktok.

Animals just decided Eret was the animal whisperer.

Yes! Disney Princess Eret fanart! Someone make it, I shall reblog all of it.

Likes to hug cute animals and cute animals like being hugged by her. Nice.

It’s alright. Names are difficult. I have to like put name tags on people to learn who they are. That or name tags on their space (like on campers bunks and door decs on dorms)

It does feel very February. But I’m very ready for summer because that means I get to do my favorite job.

Hooray. I hit 15k points.

Eret trying to prove to us a ponytail won’t work. Like we aren’t going to hype them up no matter what.

Gotta heart in the chat. All Eret’s chat does is hearts and encourage. It’s a lovely place.

Oh Eret forgot his cat ear sub goal. It’s alright I know I forgot.

Pride is next month. Nice.

Oh. We’re almost halfway already. Why does the world spin so quickly?

We forgot a dirt tower. Whoops.

I would wear Eret merch. I like it when people release merch around Christmas. Then I can ask for it as a gift.

Oh it wasn’t a dirt tower.

Just looking at Elaina’s stream in the stream selection screen it like very cozy.

All the way up the Drista stairs.

Look it’s the museum!

Eret’s got most of the builds around there. The museum. The fortress. Nice.

Some things are too historical to remove. Somethings are historical because they are being removed.

Oh no. L’sandburg.

It’s taking over the summer home.

Ah the lore is coming. It just seemed to be too early.

Hello unofficial ranboo Raiders.

Foolish making the awesome tall thingy!

Foolish’s builds are so neat. I want to watch Foolish’s streams more. Maybe just in the background but I start wanting to delayed liveblog and that requires attention.

Oh the giant portal turned out well. Sorry that was the lady’s foolish stream I watched.

Shulkers. The forbidden mob.

Eret with just a pit in the desert filled with llamas. Bones. And discus.

The mansion has been finished?

Alright is better than bad. It’s alright to be alright.

Lucky being not getting tired. I got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and I was so so tired. I also had just no appetite.

Eret doing an smp tour. And looking at foolish’s builds.

Flickering the switch on the rainbow beacons.

Eret just knowing where everything is.

Kinoko is super pretty. Just for the aesthetic value of the kingdom I appreciate it.

Yeet. Just defenestrated himself out the window.

Oh? Spectator fly over the smp?

That would be really neat to like. Watch in VR. I think I’ve only used VR maybe twice.

Pretty Rainbow beacons.

The nurse who gave me my vaccine hid the needle from me because I mentioned to her that I was afraid of needles. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

30 minutes till I attempt sleep. Woo.

Goose my beloved. Someone make the gif because I’m not quite sure how to make it.

Oh yeah. Goose in Marvel. I hear MCU and think Minecraft cinematic universe. Not marvel.

Ghibli is so nice. It really romanticize small moments of life.

Yeah the characters are all really supportive in Ghibli movies.

Someone subbed for nine months “that’s enough to make a child” -Eret

That mansion is like a maze. I’m so lost already.

Everyone encouraging Eret and telling her she looks pretty. Good.

Eret needs all the hype and encouragement.

Antarctic empties flag. Yeah it does have a similar color pallet.

Michelle! Hello!

Fortress work. Nice.

Do it. I’ll listen the Eret play other games.

I don’t usually watch game play for non Minecraft games. But I’ll listen to it all.

Hbomb and Eret living in the same city feels like two worlds that shouldn’t meet. But it’s awesome that they have.

TOS means against twitches terms of service. Nice. Glad to finally have an explanation of what that means.

Look at our handsome and pretty streamer. All the hype.

I keep turning down the stream to hear the show my mama has on because I’m curious about what happens.

Yeah. Backseat gaming can be annoying. That’s part of why I share my thoughts here just in case I do start backseat gaming.

Almost to the sub goal. Hooray!

Ooo food.

No no. I see where they are coming from. Eret does give a bit of cat bus vibes. I can’t explain it but the vibes are there.

Creeper causing issues at the fortress.

Ed Sheepran my beloved.

I should draw more ferrets. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I’ll draw us doing stuffs.

Actually I kinda want to make a little animatic of some heels walking across the screen followed by a hoard of ferrets. I think it’ll look cool. But I need the artistic ability and the ability to not scream making that.

Woop. Ad time. Off to the void of where ever the ads game me.

OH THE NEW VOID LOOKS COOL!

Bread. Flowers. Ted. Crown. And of course Eret.

We V O I D and get our streamer bits.

Hush the chat is V O I D and the occasional emoji or emote.

The void being centered looks good. Maybe that’s just the symmetry speaking but it’s good.

Oh. We hear the being. The being in void mode. And spooky mode.

Chat just starts yelling corpse.

Hydration. I try to stay hydrated. But I fail often if I’m not doing something active.

Tree!

Casually makes and snags tree.

Eret does read chat often. It’s strange. And it is weird how often it ends up being you.

You can tell I’m a tumblr peep. I may say stuff in chat but I’m fully not expecting or wanting to be noticed by the streamer.

Others hitting darkness o’clock and saying goodnight.

It’s sleep to the stream hours y’all. Whoop.

I need to visit the parks out west. I’ve only really seen the eastern US ones. But I have been to the Great Smokey Mountain park which is gorgeous.

Eret thinking of his friends triggers when naming his cat.

Eret’s builds are so casually pretty. Not like Foolish’s which are intricately pretty. Not like Phil’s or Sam’s which are complicated pretty. All pretty. Just different breeds of pretty.

Alrighty. It’s sleepy hours for me. As much as I love Eret I want to read some fanfiction and daydream a bit before I head to sleep.

Have a good rest everyone and may all your coming meals be delicious.

Wait no is it our turn with goose?

OUR TURN WITH GOOSE!

Eret honey that’s the ceiling.

Cat stream. Cat stream.

Sleepy kitty. A cat cam would be good.

Yeah. That happens with cats. Especially strays.

Goose captured the computer mouse.

Goose straight up chose Eret and Elaina.

Goose really just chose not to leave.

Oh my stream connection is acting sad. But I want Goose content.

I want to draw Goose now.

Maybe I’ll do water color for Goose. I know I tried to do that with Boots (Fundy’s cat)

Hopefully there will be some Goose face screenshots I can see. Maybe I can see him well in the Tiktok.

Artists just violently refusing payment. Sounds about right. The MCYT artists just kinda go “yeah give credit and we cool”

Cowboy cat. Nice.

I want to paint Goose in the cowboy hat.

Hype train! That we are zooming.

Bucket sponge?

WATER BUCKET FROM WET SPONGE! Tiktok people giving all the cool info.

Go Goose. Catch the computer mouse and the screen mouse.

Just sitting here at 11:30 at night getting screen shots of Goose for painting purposes.

Goose please. Look at the camera babe.

My phone is dying. And I can’t charge it and type.

Alright the camera is off the cat. The cat is also blocking the screen.

But no cat on camera means I’m getting some sleep. If I do any of the projects I’ve mentioned I’ll let y’all know.

Have a good rest everyone.

#eret #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp eret #why must this being stream so late #goose the cat #erets cat #delayed liveblogging

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sadwizardgirl · 3 years

Text

My Campaign 2 Thoughts

Alrighty folks. We're here. We made it. I’m running on like, 3 hours of sleep and my coffee hasn't kicked in yet so bear with me if I ramble/don't make sense. I’ll take things by character I think?

Once I finally typed everything I wanted out, I decided to put a keep reading thing. Its a long one I’m so sorry haha. But yeah, click on it if you want to hear someone’s tired ramblings about how much they love the Mighty Nein. Obviously spoilers below... <3

One last thing - I want to say thank you to everyone who I have interacted on here with. I would have never, ever thought that I would live blog Critical Role when I started watching it. And because I have, it makes me happy that I’ve found lots of nice Critters like me to follow, like, reblog, laugh and cry with all at the same time. You guys are really cool, so thanks for letting me be a small part of it all <3

Molly/Kingsley -

I’m honestly not fully shocked that we didn’t get Molly back after all that. I think Tal has said that Molly is gone and will stay gone. Maybe this is how Molly was when he first woke up, but we obviously didn’t see that part, and neither did Yasha. So honestly, the only people to know would be the people down at the circus. I’m personally okay with the differences in Kingsley and Molly but I like that Kingsley wanted to call Molly his brother at least and learn about him later on. Remember when Molly said he didn't want to learn who his previous self/selves were? The pirate life for Kingsley is --- interesting haha. I’m not hating it, I can definitely see a Jack Sparrow kind of vibe. I just didn't think Tal would go for a pirate type life for him. Thats all :)

Cad -

I’m also not surprised at what Cad chose either. It was interesting to see his whole EMPATHY routine with Trent. Thats been a side of Cad no one has seen. I know I’ve seen some people say that they were sad that after all this adventuring, that Cad would just chose to live at the Blooming Grove and never leave again. But didn't Tal say that Cad would take walks out of there and explore for segments of time? Like 6 months, then a year, then a couple years. I could have sworn he said that and that he would go visit his friends in those spans too. But I could have totally imagined it/took it that way.

Veth-

This totally makes sense. I was sad to see her go before the whole Trent thing, I would have loved to see her stand by Calebs side during it but I get it, She missed her family and they would see each other again anyway. I 100% would love if the M9 had a summer camp. Like, I’m just saying. That needs to be a one shot. I don't have much else to say other than I’m glad that this is the ending for Veth and nothing else.

Yasha-

Again, I’m super happy with this one. It makes sense that she would want to go see her wife and the whole Stormlord thing???? Fucking awesome. I’m glad that Yasha has finally found peace and love with someone and is content. Thats all I want for Yasha. I’m glad that Kingsley seeks her out to find out about Molly too.

Beau -

WOW. Okay. So not only does she help take down Trent but also her dad stuff? Fucking great! I’m so glad that Beau has gotten to this point in her life. Not only has she brought down corrupt people, but also learned to love throughout everything she's been through. I’m sorry, I with my tired brain can think of more good things but I’m just super happy about this.

Fjord -

For some reason, Fjord’s ending made me cry. I don't know if its because its been awhile since we’ve gotten true Fjord lore stuff where Travis absolutely NAILS the roleplaying or what. But literally as soon as he raised his hand to say hi to Vandran, I started crying. He’s been looking for answers for so long and he finally got them. I think its very on brand that he just sailed out willy nilly knowing what happens but at least Matt was merciful haha. I think That plus his love for Jester and suggesting they find a place was so very sweet and totally them. I’m sort of glad that he left his ending so vague. Because imagine the sea one shots we can have with Fjord going to Darktow or finding Sabien once and for all etc.

Jester -

I’m --- I’m torn with Jester. I’m glad that Jester wants to travel more and see the world still and thats what she's doing with Fjord. I think I’m more of torn just because I’m so used to Jester being SO over the top with everything she does (in a good way) but then I guess that means she's maturing and growing up. I’m glad that she left her ending vague as well for the same reasons as Fjord. SIDENOTE: It’ll be interesting to see if any of this leads into the VM vs M9 show off and if there's going to be canon involved or what.

Caleb -

I left Caleb for last. Not only because he's been my favorite character all campaign long. But because most of the buzz is coming from his ending. I’ll preface this first --- I’ve never been an outright Essek/Caleb shipper. I’ve loved their moments together and am not against them in any shape or form. I’m just not one of the die hards shippers. Same with Caleb/Astrid/Wulf.

BUT - With that being said, I’m very happy with Calebs ending. I’ve seen some people that are mad that he didn't do what he set out to do - which was take down the corruption. But Liam said that he sees that aspect of his life as a life long endeavor. So just because he takes up the teaching gig - which I’m so happy with btw; more on that in a bit- doesn't mean he stopped. You can root out the corruption from within and I think Caleb started to realize that was going to be the best way. I’m glad he didn't take the place of Trent. I think things could have gone horribly wrong even if he was at the top. Am I thrilled that Astrid is there? Not particularly no but its better than Trent. Caleb being a teacher makes so much sense. At the beginning of the campaign, Nott was always telling people that Caleb was the one teaching her the magic she had, plus the trading notes with Yussa and Essek over the years. It all leads to him teaching. Finally being the teacher --- the right teacher for the future generations of wizards. He was never going to accomplish that in Trents place.

Now --- the elephant in the room, Essek. I’m 100% okay with this part of Caleb’s story. I’m glad that he did go back to Aeor and learn what he could. I think its what Essek said. That he wouldn't change his past because it led him to that moment with Caleb, but then still offered to help Caleb if thats what he wanted to do for himself. I’m happy that Caleb finally let go of the part of his past that kept his guilt so present. He’ll always remember his parents and what he did, but he's allowing himself to walk through that door and to start finally healing. Let me tell you how much I ugly cried when we finally heard what his plan had been all these years AND what that second book was that he never told us about. Liam O’Brien you poetic son of a bitch I love you so much. But damn did I ugly cry literally during that whole time. Okay sorry, now Essek. I think them realizing the age differences, being in the relationship for however long they were but then remained friends is so very much like both of them. They are both logical people. To me this makes so much sense. I think I’m in the minority here but it does. Essek will outlive the rest of the M9 so of course they realized eventually there was going to be this elephant in the room when Caleb grew old. I’d like to think Caleb wouldn't want the extra heartbreak on Essek when Caleb eventually dies, then the rest of Essek’s friends die on top of that. Liam said that this campaign, romance in any shape or form was not a priority and I think also that had a part to do with it. I’m glad Caleb just didn’t be alone for the rest of his life and only teaching. I’m glad he reached out to Essek and did that stuff, and then taught Luc. It’s far from the sad wizard boy who was ready to leave the M9 at a moments notice to be alone.

Sorry for the rambling and VERY LONG post. oh my god I’m so sorry but it just kept coming. haha I’m very sad to see the Mighty Nein go. This campaign was the reason I got into D&D and where I fell in love with it. I fell in love with these nerdy ass voice actors and their characters. BUT it makes me excited for campaign 3 and the future of Critical Role.

SIDENOTE: WHAT THOUGHTS DO YOU GUYS HAVE ON THE PROJECT THEYRE GOING TO ANNOUNCE NEXT WEEK HUH? I’m glad they mentioned that they aren't ready for Campaign 3 just yet, but Marisha made it at least seem that its on the horizon. I’m sure they want to take the break they deserve and have time to transition from their M9 characters to their new ones. so yeah anyway

Thank you, Mighty Nein. Long may you all reign.

#critical role spoilers #critical role #critrole spoilers #cr spoilers

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volucris-liga · 3 years

Text

Okay, the book came out in February so it’s been long enough that i assume anyone who cares about spoilers for Pathfinder’s Quest has already obtained Pathfinder’s Quest, and i have a lot of Excited Thoughts to share so I’m rereading the last chapter and writing some notes. I’ll still put it under a Read More in case anyone is still avoiding spoilers for it, but I figured it’s safe to post now at least.

The majority of this post is probably gonna be about Ash.

This post is also probably very long.

Anyway. Let’s go:

First of all, the Project Iris story stuff starts in 2658. Since the current year is 2733 (maybe 2734 by now? idk) and Horizon came back 87 years after she was left at the black hole, that means she disappeared in 2646-ish. So this is around 12 years after Horizon was lost.

Since the last chapter mentions that Project Iris had been around for 15 years, I went back to Horizon’s chapter to confirm that it was already technically Project Iris before she left (it was, yes), and found this bit:

“Lilian set me up with a laboratory on Olympus to test my theories and find a solution to the crisis. I brought my whole family there… I miss them.”

She specifically is talking about more people than just her son. I’m so curious about who Newton’s father is lol, and why it’s only Newton that we see in her Story From the Outlands and the rest of her lore.

Okay now I’m finding more stuff in Horizon’s chapter, i’m glad i went back to reread this too.

“Years and years went by with nothing. Financiers were getting impatient; Lilian was kind about it, but I knew even she was doubting in me. My own assistant thought I was failing.”

Whiiich means before they discovered Branthium, Reid already had sort of an antagonistic thing toward Horizon and didn’t trust that she could succeed at the project (though, as seen shortly, Horizon didn’t realize how bad it was). I’m guessing she was resentful that Horizon was getting all the recognition for the project and she was always seen as her assistant, not an equal scientist on the project.

And then there’s this bit:

Horizon: “My assistant, Dr. Reid, joined me on my mission.” Path: “The one who thought she was better than you?” Horizon: “Aye. Didn’t know it then, though. She was a good friend. We were close. Came to dinner with my family. Even babysat my son a few times. That’s why it’s so hard to ken what happened…”

Oof. I’ll come back to this point later; there’s some stuff about Newton in the last chapter that’s important.

As a side note, I think Horizon didn’t know a lot of the people in Project Iris, and most of them were recruited after she was already gone -- she’s not able to tell Pathfinder much about the group that actually solved the energy crisis.

Anyway, moving on. I appreciate that Reid’s first name is Ashleigh, lol, makes sense why she’s called Ash as a simulacrum later.

I really like that even in this storyline there’s connections to the other legends -- Wattson’s grandmother, Amélie Paquette, and Gibraltar’s grandfather, Aleki Gibraltar, are both on the team. There’s a bunch of other scientists as well, but as far as I can tell they’re all new for this lore with no prior connections.

There’s a scene where yet another experiment with refined Branthium fails, and Reid calls out Amélie for it -- “Your plan was wrong from the start. I pointed that out, must have been, twenty times?” Reid is clearly quick to judge others’ ideas and shut people down (and has been all along, like when she thought Horizon would fail before the discovery of Branthium). Reid and Amélie also reeeeeaaallly don’t get along.

There’s this exchange:

‘“Excuse me? And what have you done, Reid?” Paquette pressed, moving face to face with Reid. “Besides stand by and critique our every move while ze rest of us do all ze work. Is zis how you treated Somers?” “You’re not half the scientist she was.” Reid smirked.’

Even though she was resentful of Horizon, enough so to betray her, she did apparently respect her more than she does the rest of this group, which i think is interesting. She also just… really hates Amélie.

And then there’s Newton!!! aaaaa!!! I love that he’s an intern for the group now that he’s a teenager. And his personality is adorable.

Newton finds something that none of the rest of them saw, which is that someone needs to be in the refinery to continuously recalibrate the process. Which is impossible. Aaaand then it’s Reid, of all people, who comes up with the idea to reprogram a MRVN robot to do it. Which is painfully ironic, given what happens later.

While they’re trying to figure out how to actually do the MRVN thing, Reid mentions that she has contacts at Hammond Robotics. I’m assuming Hammond are the ones who eventually rebuild her as a simulacrum (though for all I know that’s been confirmed somewhere and I’ve forgotten. I have trouble keeping all the corporations and factions straight in my head, and i’ve barely played any Titanfall, rip). They’re definitely the ones who made Revenant (which has already happened by this point in the lore).

All the scientists putting part of their personality into Pathfinder is just so good. Especially cause of Newton; I love that it’s Newton’s influence that has Path being so friendly to everyone. Please give us in-game voicelines between Horizon and Pathfinder next season, now that Pathfinder knows Newton was one of his creators.

Aaaand here we go, stuff about Newton. Reid obviously helped raise him after his mom was gone. I wonder if she ever felt guilty about what she did to Horizon? A few interactions that Hurt:

‘Paquette paused and looked at the MRVN. “He’s our fail-safe.” “Whatever… I’ve got other work to do. Let me know when you’re done fooling around,” Reid huffed as she stormed out of the lab. “Should I go after her?” asked Newton. “She seems sad.”’

‘“A lot of what I have to offer is what my mom had, and I think most of that’s already in here, but there’s one thing that was always important to Mom: she loved her friends. It’s important to me, too. You’re all my friends. But especially you, Dr. Reid.” Newton looked over at her. “You were always there for my mom. Just like this MRVN is going to be there for the Outlands.” Reid did her best to smile, but it ended up as more of a quick nod. “Thanks,” she said hesitantly.’

I appreciate that Amélie is suspicious of what happened to Horizon. Like, Reid managed to fool most people, but not everyone.

‘As Stay started to pack up the tools, Paquette joined her. “I’m assuming you added some precautions to ze program in case anything was to ‘appen,” she whispered. “He can’t be hacked, if that’s what you’re askin’, P,” Stay assured her as she packed away a welder. “Zat’s not what I’m talking about.” Paquette’s expression showed a deep look of concern and hesitation. “You really don’t trust her, do you?” “Do you? Somers was ze best astrophysicist in ze entire Frontier. It doesn’t make any sense what happened to her. Ze stories don’t add up. I just want to make sure we cover all our bases.”’

More of Ash’s voicelines from the Broken Ghost quest! I thiiiiink this is almost all of them covered now, if not all?

Path says “Who doesn’t like ice cream? Every kid likes ice cream!” when he first wakes up.

Delgado says “All roads lead to Branthium!”

Reid herself says “Fail-safe, fail-safe, who’s got the fail-safe?” during the whole big Thing at the end.

When Reid betrays everyone to try to divert the first Branthium shipment through the Phase Runner to the IMC, both she and Newton disappear from the party first. And she and Amélie have this conversation:

“I knew it. I knew it from ze start. You killed her, didn’t you?” “I did nothing.” “Yeah, right. You killed Somers. You put yourself before every innocent life in ze Outlands.” “Innocent life? Please. The Outlands are filled with nothing but war and greed. No one cares for anyone but themselves. I’m just playing the game.” “Have you told zat to Newton? Where is he?” “He’s not a part of this. Not anymore. I took care of him. Right now, it’s just us.”

So Newton’s fate is a bit uncertain. I’m guessing she got him out of there to save him, actually, which I think is really interesting.

Anyway, Reid then cuts off Amélie’s hand with a sword cause deactivating the lockdown requires two of the scientists to authorize it. Which I guess explains why Amélie’s arm is in a sling in Pathfinder’s Story From the Outlands video.

Pathfinder had managed to get out, so Amélie’s able to set the lab to self-destruct with his help. Path’s able to fight the mercenaries and Reid and get to the Phase Runner. And then there’s this that Reid says to Pathfinder:

“No one is your friend. You’re a machine. Nobody cares about machines. Nobody loves machines. You’re no different than that Phase Runner. You’re a MRVN. We use you and turn you off when we’re done. You’re nothing.”

There’s probably a lot she has to work through when she ends up as a simulacrum, oof.

She almost stops Path, but then gets stabbed in the back with her own sword by Amélie, which is fitting. The mercenaries Reid was working with are attacking so it’s basically impossible for the scientists to escape, but Pathfinder’s able to program the Phase Runner to send the Branthium to all the various Outlands planets instead. And, at their request, to send himself through as well before the self-destruct (and he then eventually wakes up with amnesia). aaaaaa this is so sad

“I don’t want to say goodbye. You’re my friends. I’d be sad without my friends.” “You’ll never be without us. You’ll never be alone.”

I’m assuming that after the explosion, Reid’s body was found and turned into Ash. Also everything about the season 6 comics is so ironic now help. After Hammond Robotics get what they need from her after the Legends find her head, she’s just left behind somewhere deactivated, and Pathfinder finds and rebuilds her. And she has no memory (until Blisk shows up, anyway). So like, it was her idea to create him, and then he completely ruins her plans which leads to her death, and then he saves her life later. Great. When she had no memory and was living with him he called her his girlfriend and everything, he’s gonna be so sad when he finds out who she is, rip.

There’s this bit of dialogue in the intro conversation for the chapter:

Path: “I can’t be weak and the person who killed the people who saved the Outlands.” Blisk: “Heh. Very true, mate. That’s why it wasn’t you.” Path: “Are you sure? How do you know?” Blisk: “Pretty damn sure, because I know ‘em.” Path: “You know my creator?” Blisk: “I know who killed your creator. Or, well… creators.”

This implies that Blisk is fully aware of Ash’s history. Makes sense, and I assumed as much anyway, but given the season 6 comics that means he also absolutely knows that Pathfinder knew Ash and he’s purposefully not telling Pathfinder that Reid and Ash are the same person.

There’s also this part at the end of the chapter:

Blisk: “Oi! One more thing… Did you ever find…? Eh. Forget it.” Path: “What? Did I ever find what?” Blisk: “Actually, I, uh…” Path: “Tell me! Is there more to the story than what was on the chip?” Blisk: “Just one small detail. But why don’t you turn that recorder off. This one’s just between us, eh?” Path: “Okay. You’ll tell me after I turn it off--”

Now, my first thought when first reading this was that it was gonna be about Ash. But I’m sure it’s not, cause in Pathfinder’s last log entry after that he’s very happy and optimistic about finding his creators, and he would have been affected by finding out that Reid was the same person as his missing ‘girlfriend.’ Sooooo I’m still 1) very curious about what Blisk talked about after the recording and 2) very excited for whenever Path finds out the truth about Ash.

On a related note, I am so ready for Horizon finding out about Ash. And to a lesser extent, if Wattson finds out about her grandmother’s role in what happened and her history with Ash (also Gibraltar about his grandfather, but anyway). I’m assuming Ash would know they’re related to her former team, since she’s working for Blisk and likely would know all the basic info about all the legends, including real full names. So Ash interacting with Wattson would be interesting, especially at a point where Ash knows who she is but Wattson doesn’t know about Ash’s history.

Also depending on how things develop with Ash and the other Legends, it’s interesting to think about Loba’s perspective, since it’s technically her fault Ash is back at all. I wanna see a conversation between her and Horizon cause Horizon wasn’t around for the Broken Ghost stuff. Plus, Loba agreed to get everyone to go get the components that turned out to be Ash’s head because in exchange she’d be given the location of Revenant’s source code. With Loba later deciding to send the source code away as revenge instead of killing Revenant, her need for revenge on him is definitely gonna come back to bite her later, now that Revenant’s resolved to destroy everything she loves (maybe he goes after Bangalore?). Horizon’s still definitely very angry at Reid, probably even more so if/when she finds out what Reid did to the Project Iris team, and when she finds out Reid is Ash, well… both she and Loba certainly have strong vendettas against the two simulacrums lol. It’d be neat, though unlikely, if there’s a plotline where Loba ends up facing consequences from the Revenant thing and then because of her own experience she convinces Horizon not to go too far trying to get revenge on Ash.

Oh right there’s also the question of Newton’s messages to Horizon near the end of season 7. He’s still a little kid in those, even in the last one where a future Horizon who got back to him has sent a message to herself. And obviously, that didn’t happen -- Newton’s there, as a teenage intern for Project Iris, and the characters mention his mom being dead multiple times. Soooo then what’s the deal with the messages? I’m thinking there are three options: 1) Horizon eventually going back in time creates an alternate timeline/dimension 2) those messages are for/from a Horizon and Newton in another dimension entirely (look, the Phase Runner is weird, Wraith’s tech is weird, etc.) oooorrrr 3) the messages were faked somehow and are connected to Ash -- some of her voicelines in the Broken Ghost quest were the codes for those messages.

In conclusion: a a a a a a a a a a

#apex legends #pathfinder's quest #pathfinder's quest spoilers

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petrichoravellichor · 3 years

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Title: A New Kind of Life

Wordcount: ~10k

Rating: T

Summary: What if, when Sam and Dean break into the Empty, Cas isn’t the only one they save? A post-15x19 fix-it fic in which Crowley gets a second shot at the redemption (and family) he deserves.

(Read on Ao3)

********************

Chapters 4 & 5 (of 5) (Ch. 1, Ch. 2, Ch. 3)

The next morning, Crowley and Jack enter the library for Jack’s daily chess lesson to find Sam and Eileen hunched over a pile of books at the table nearest the doorway. Crowley takes a breath he doesn’t technically need, steeling his nerves. We can choose to be good...

“Jack,” he says smoothly, “be a good lad and go set up the board, will you? I’d like to have a word with Sam’s charming guest.”

Sam's eyes are on him in an instant. There's a quiet click as Sam's knuckles tighten around the book he's holding, followed by the sound of his foot sliding across the floor to nudge Eileen.

Eileen glances up from her work, looking first at Sam, then over at Crowley, and bloody hell, if looks could kill, she'd have him dead on the floor. Crowley doesn’t miss the way Eileen's grip tightens around the pen in her hand; in fact, he’s fairly certain she’s already plotted out at least three different places to stab him with it.

Crowley inclines his head in a gesture of polite greeting. “Hello, Eileen. I don’t believe we’ve been formally introduced.”

“I know who you are,” Eileen says icily, and Crowley thinks that perhaps he underestimated the number of already-plotted stabbing places, “and unless the next words out of your mouth are I’m sorry, you can—”

“I’m sorry,” says Crowley, without preamble, and the silence that follows is absolute. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Sam stiffen, though whether it’s in anger or impatience or something else, Crowley doesn’t know: Eileen is all but boring into him with her gaze, and he doesn’t dare look away.

“You’re sorry,” Eileen repeats, slowly.

Crowley nods. “For the hellhound. The British Men of Letters asked for one, and I obliged; I didn’t ask what for. The first time I heard your name, you were already dead. It wasn’t personal. So...yes. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”

Eileen’s expression is inscrutable. She continues to regard him carefully, rubbing her thumb over the pen in her grasp, until finally, she blows out a slow breath and sets the pen down. “Okay,” she says, and though she still looks wary, Crowley notices a slight drop in her shoulders. “I mean, don’t get me wrong: we’re not friends, and I still don’t trust you, but...thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome.” Then, deciding the smart thing to do is bow out before his luck expires, he adds, “Now, if you’ll excuse me, my pupil awaits,” and, with a final nod, hurries over to the other table.

Jack is positively beaming. “I told you,” he whispers as Crowley slides into his seat. “Eileen is nice! I think you two will be friends.”

“Doubtful,” Crowley murmurs, but at least Jack’s pleased with him. When the boy had knocked on his door earlier and told him that Eileen was with Sam in the library, Crowley had suggested postponing their lesson, but Jack had insisted it would be a good chance to make amends, and blast it if Crowley has yet found a way to deny Jack anything he asks for. If the boy weren’t already busy being the new God, Crowley muses, he’d make a hell of a crossroads demon.

They begin their lesson. Jack is getting better; he actually manages to give check once, and Crowley feels a swell of pride for him even as he easily captures the offending piece. With enough practice, Crowley has no doubt that Jack will eventually be able to give him a run for his money, maybe even compete in tournaments. Now that, thinks Crowley, would be something to see: God and his coach, the former King of Hell. Jack’s opponents would never know what hit them.

Eileen leaves just as Jack’s lesson is coming to a close, but Sam lingers after she’s gone, glancing over every so often. Crowley pretends not to notice and tells Jack to go on, he’ll put the board away since Jack set it up. Once Jack is safely out of earshot and it’s just Sam and Crowley left in the room, Crowley decides they might as well get on with it, whatever it is.

“Something on your mind, Moose?” he asks mildly, snapping the chess set closed and rising from his chair. “Because if it’s a snogging you’re after, pass. These days, I make it a point not to get involved with anyone whose partner has access to things that could kill me and knows how to use them.”

The look of dry exasperation Sam shoots him is well worth it. “Very funny,” Sam retorts, before his expression softens a bit. “I just...wanted to say thanks. For apologizing to Eileen, I mean. I know it probably wasn’t easy.”

Crowley blinks; he’d been expecting hostility, not approval. He masks his surprise with a cavalier shrug. “Easier than telling her that you and your brother allied with the man who set the hellhound on her, I presume.”

A pained look crosses Sam’s face. “I—yeah. Ketch was...complicated.”

“You have told her about all that, haven’t you?”

“Of course,” Sam says, and there’s enough anguish in his voice that Crowley believes him. “I told her everything.”

“Good. Glad to see you lot have finally learnt a thing or two about keeping secrets from one another.”

They’re quiet for a moment, and Crowley thinks that perhaps their conversation is over, but just as he’s about to go—

“While we’re on the subject of apologizing,” Sam says, carefully meeting Crowley’s eye, “I’m sorry about Rowena showing up in your room. I told her we were going to the Empty to get you and Cas back and that we’d let her know how it went, but then she kind of just ambushed you as soon as we got back, before I’d even had a chance to call her, and...yeah, I’m really sorry.”

The genuineness of Sam’s admission catches Crowley off-guard. “Yes, well,” he scratches the back of his head and looks away, “Mother never was one to sit and wait for news she could go out and get herself.”

Sam’s lips twitch in a wry sort of smile. “Well, she can’t astral project into the Bunker anymore, not with the warding we laid down. Also, um. I don’t know if Dean told you, but he, uh, talked to her for a while on the phone that night.”

The surge of affection Crowley feels is almost overwhelming. “No,” he manages. “He didn’t say anything.”

“Yeah. I’m pretty sure Rowena knows not to try anything else unless she hears from you first.”

Crowley sighs. “Which, incidentally, might be sooner rather than later. I’ve decided I’ll hear her out.”

“Really?” says Sam, sounding pleasantly surprised. “That’s...great. Do you want me to take down the warding, or…?”

Crowley shakes his head. “If I’m to do this, it’ll be in person. I don’t want her flickering out the moment it all becomes too much, not before I’ve had my say.”

“So, you’re thinking of going to Hell?”

“I don’t see any alternative,” grumbles Crowley. “She can’t come here physically, not without a host, and I’ve a feeling that particular option is against house rules.”

“You would be correct,” Sam says firmly, though not unkindly. “Maybe there’s another way, though...Cas might know a spell, or I can check the lore, see if we can figure something out.”

“Figure something out for what?” comes a voice, and Crowley turns to see Castiel enter the library, a small pile of books in hand. “Did you need me for something?”

“Crowley wants to talk to Rowena,” Sam explains, “ideally in person, but—”

“—but the only way to do that without Rowena taking a host,” Castiel finishes, “is for you,” he nods at Crowley, “to go to Hell. I understand.” He sets his books down on the table, looking thoughtful. “There may be a way,” he says after a moment, “although it’s not without risk, and we’ll have to check that we have all of the necessary ingredients. I can supply the angelic grace.” He looks over at Sam. “How much blood can you spare?”

Sam’s eyes widen; he glances from Castiel to Crowley and back again. “I mean—”

“Oh for the love of—do you two even hear yourselves?” Crowley demands; dear God, he’s always thought of Dean as the one lacking impulse control, but apparently it’s just a household prerequisite. “We’ll find another way, one that doesn’t involve either of your life forces!”

They all fall silent, each ostensibly pondering alternate plans, when suddenly, Sam gets a look that suggests he has an idea. “Jack.”

“Yes?” says Jack brightly, startling Sam as he appears out of thin air; he sees Castiel and Crowley and furrows his brow. “Are we having a family meeting? Shouldn’t we wait till Dean gets back from walking Miracle?”

Sam chuckles. “No, we’re not having a family meeting. I wanted to ask, do you think you could make body for Rowena, so she can visit us here at the Bunker?”

“Oh.” Jack considers a moment, then smiles. “Sure, I can do that. When does she want it?”

*****

One week later, they’re all in the kitchen having breakfast, and Crowley is doing what he considers to be an admirable job at hiding his nerves.

That is, until Dean abruptly calls him out on it.

“You sure you don’t want backup?” Dean asks, giving Crowley his best no-nonsense look from the other side of the table. “’Cause I mean it, man: you don’t gotta deal with this on your own.”

“We could wait in the hallway,” Sam offers from the next seat over, “and only come in if things get out of hand.”

Next to Crowley, Castiel nods. “And we could have a code word of some kind, a way for you to let us know you’d like assistance.”

“Oh, like Poughkeepsie!” Jack says around a mouthful of cereal. “I’ve never gotten to use that one before.”

And the thing is, Crowley can tell they mean it; a word from him, and he’ll have two hunters, an angel, and God himself there to support him. The thought makes him feel warm in a way he still isn’t used to, so he fumbles out a half-hearted remark about how they’re all impossible and insists they leave the Bunker as planned.

Over by the stove, Juliet looks up from where she’s lying curled around Miracle and lets out a miffed sort of bark; Crowley shoots her a look, and with a low growl of displeasure, she lowers her head.

The hellhound had shown up out of the blue four days ago, howling insistently at the Bunker door. A quick call from Sam to Rowena had revealed that Rowena knew nothing about it—apparently, Juliet hadn’t been seen in Hell since Crowley’s death and was presumed to have run off. It had taken Crowley quite a bit of persuading to convince Sam and Dean to let her in, but eventually, they’d settled on a few ground rules that everyone could live with: Jack would make Juliet visible to everyone, not just Crowley; Crowley was to keep Juliet either with him or in his room at all times; and Juliet not to go near Eileen unless or until Eileen said otherwise. Crowley had readily agreed to each one; after all, a few simple rules were a small price to pay in exchange for having his beloved hellhound back at his side.

After breakfast, Crowley takes Juliet to his room and orders her to stay, sighing when the hound gazes reproachfully back at him. “Don’t worry, girl,” he assures her, scratching just behind Juliet’s ear in the place he knows she really likes. “Papa will be just fine.”

Ten minutes later, as Crowley stands in the library and awaits his mother, he’s still repeating that last bit to himself when Rowena appears in the doorway. She halts as Crowley catches sight of her, and for a long moment, they just stare at each other. Eventually, Crowley clears his throat.

“Mother,” he says, stiffly. “You’re looking well, for a dead woman.”

Rowena smiles. “Yes, well,” she says, raising a hand to examine it in the light, “let it never be said there aren’t certain benefits to being a surrogate aunt to the new God.” She lowers her hand, and her smile turns more tentative. “You’re looking well yourself. It’s good to see you, in the flesh.”

Crowley doesn’t smile back. “You said you wanted to explain, so now’s your chance.” He narrows his eyes. “Your last chance. If I were you, I’d choose my next words very carefully. In fact,” he adds, remembering his own apology to Eileen, “unless the first two are I’m sorry, then you needn’t bother with the rest.”

Rowena hesitates, biting her lip, and just as Crowley is about to tell her to leave and not come back, she actually says it: "I'm...sorry."

Time itself seems to stop. It’s as though the words have turned Crowley to stone; he'd half-expected her to refuse outright. “For?” he manages, after a moment.

Rowena's gaze is pained and earnest. “For everything. For abandoning you when you were a child. For using you, for manipulating you, for...for Gavin.” A single tear falls down her face. “He was my grandson, and I let him die because I knew it would hurt you. It was wrong, and...and I’m sorry.”

Crowley feels like he’s swallowed glass. He closes his eyes and thinks back to the last time he saw Gavin, when Gavin decided to return to the past and embark on a doomed voyage in order to save the soul of his beloved. Crowley sees himself reaching for Gavin, determined to whisk him away; he sees himself being frozen in place by Rowena’s spell, sees Gavin’s look of sad resolve as he says goodbye.

I’m sorry, Father...

More than anything, Crowley wants to be able to go back, to forgo his damnable pride and say that no, he’s sorry, because for all he’d hated his mother, for all he’d sworn to himself that he’d be better than her, he hadn’t been. Instead, he’d been a bitter, abusive arse who’d made Gavin’s life hell for as long as he was alive. By all accounts, Gavin should have followed in Crowley’s footsteps and become a hardened, miserable drunk, only...only he hadn’t...

Because somehow, inexplicably, Gavin MacLeod had been decent. He’d met a girl and fallen in love, and when it became clear to him that staying in the present meant his love would be damned and that innocent people would die, Gavin hadn’t hesitated. He’d gone back, knowing full well what it would mean, because it had been the right thing to do. Gavin had a choice, and he'd chosen to be good.

We can be more than the people we come from...Gavin had been better than him. Maybe it’s not too late for Crowley to be better than himself.

He opens his eyes. Rowena is staring at him from near the doorway, face a mess of tears, and for the first time, Crowley thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s not the only one who wants to be better, not the only one who needs to be redeemed.

“Did you mean it?” he asks, quietly. “When you said you’d missed me?”

“Aye,” Rowena rasps, voice barely more than a whisper. “When Sam and Dean...when they told me you’d...died…All I could think was that I’d rather have you alive, even if you hated me. I don’t need you to love me; I know I haven’t earned that. I just...” She keeps her eyes on Crowley’s face and takes a hesitant step towards him. “I just want to be a part of your life.”

“Why?” demands Crowley, and even he can hear the way his voice breaks on the word. “Damn it, Mother, why? Why, after a lifetime of not being there, do you want to be there now? And don’t say it’s because you love me,” he says sharply as she opens her mouth. “Just...don’t. Pick a different reason, one I can actually believe. You say you want to be in my life, but why should I let you? Why do you deserve to be?”

Several seconds go by in silence; then—

“I...I don’t,” Rowena murmurs, eyes widening as she speaks words that are equal parts admission and realization. “I don’t deserve it, I—” She hangs her head and lets out a shuddering sob. “I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how to do this right; I wish I did, but I don’t! I thought loving you made me weak, but I was wrong; I always have been. You deserved better from this world.” She raises her eyes. “You deserved better from me, and...and I don’t know how to love you the way you deserve, but Fer—but Crowley, if you’ll let me, I’d like to try.”

If he’ll let her...Crowley feels himself sway. It’s a dizzying notion, letting his mother in. They’ve hated each other for centuries; it’s been the one constant in Crowley’s life, a perverse and painful North Star that, in one way or another, has guided every major decision he’s ever made and shaped the very core of who he is. Hating and expecting to be hated back, by his mother, by everyone—for his entire life, it’s been how he’s survived, but...

But that isn’t true anymore. Crowley has a new life now, one with people who care about him, people who had been willing to stand in this room beside him if he'd asked it of them. The idea of not hating Rowena, of her not hating him...it’s strange and uncomfortable and borderline frightening, but it’s also...possible, realizes Crowley, in a way that it’s never felt before. Because whatever happens with Rowena, Crowley knows he’ll survive it. And he won’t have to do it alone.

Crowley draws himself up to full height. “I don’t know how to believe you,” he says. “Not right now, at any rate, but…” He hesitates, then takes a careful step forward. “I’m willing to...entertain the possibility that someday, I might.”

Rowena’s face is a study in barely contained hope. “Then...you mean…?”

“I’ve decided I’m going to let you try, but on my terms, with boundaries.” Crowley looks her square in the eye. “And if you give me a reason, any reason, to regret that decision, then I promise you now that it will be the last chance I ever give you. Have I made myself clear?”

Rowena regards him carefully, no doubt sensing the absolute certainty of the words, and nods. “Aye. I understand. So.” She gives him a tentative smile. “What are your terms? And shall we have them in writing, to make it official?”

Her tone is light, playful, almost, but her eyes are serious, and Crowley gets the sense that the question is a sincere one. Honestly, it’s probably not a bad idea, writing it all down, especially since everything about this is uncharted territory for them. He’s never got this far with his mother, and he has no idea how to best move forward...but he knows he doesn’t have to figure that out alone, either.

“I’ll get back to you,” Crowley says at last. “In a few days, perhaps, after I’ve thought about it, talked about it...with my family.”

And for the first time in his life, the word doesn’t hurt when he says it.

********************

Epilogue: A Few Months Later...

It’s Dean who suggests they all go to the beach.

“Just think about it,” Dean says over pancakes one morning, gazing dreamily off into space. “Sand between our toes, cooler full of Margiekugels, matching Hawaiian shirts...”

Crowley balks at the last bit; he’s seen the shirts Dean has in mind, and there is absolutely no way in Heaven or Hell he’ll ever be caught dead in—

“We’re all getting matching shirts?” Jack asks, beaming.

Bollocks…

A few days later, Crowley sits on a California beach at sunset, reluctantly dressed in what can only be described as a vibrant, floral nightmare. He watches with a sort of begrudging fondness as Jack, Sam, and Eileen, all in similar shirts, play fetch with Miracle and Juliet down in the surf, and if Crowley doesn't actually hate his current attire as much as he pretends to, that's nobody's business but his own. He takes a sip of his cocktail—Sex on the Beach, and a damned good one at that—and glances over to where Dean is humming Queen and flipping burgers over a charcoal grill. "Remind me to take Jack shopping when we get back,” he says. “I’ve given up on you and Moose, but perhaps there’s still time to save the next generation from a closet full of fashion sins.”

Dean snorts. “Dude, whatever. Besides, the kid’s God now: the hell’s it matter what he wears?”

“That is precisely why it matters,” counters Crowley, exasperated. He looks past Dean at Castiel, who’s chopping tomatoes at a nearby picnic table. “You there, Feathers, back me up! Where’s your sense of fatherly pride?”

“I’m proud of Jack regardless of what he wears,” Castiel says without looking up from his work, and Crowley’s just about to argue the point further when Castiel adds, “Although if you’re offering to help ensure he doesn’t look like a lumberjack, I’m not opposed.”

Dean shoots Castiel a look of abject betrayal. “Hey! At least I don’t walk around lookin’ like a holy tax accountant.”

“I love you too,” says Castiel mildly, smiling as Dean’s frown melts into a blushing pout, and Crowley gleefully registers the argument in his favor.

Savile Row, here we come, he thinks, smirking and taking another sip of his drink. He wonders idly how much convincing it would take to get Sam, Dean, and Castiel to accompany him and Jack on their shopping excursion. They could make a day of it, hit up all the best shops and end by taking in a show. Eileen, of course, would be welcome to join, and Crowley thinks that perhaps he’ll even invite Rowena...perhaps. If she asks very, very nicely.

For now, he leans back in his chair, watching contentedly as Jack races the dogs back from the shoreline, Sam and Eileen trailing behind while closer by, Castiel joins Dean at the grill and the two start plating food. There will be time to sort out the details later; today, Crowley’s on holiday, with his family. And there’s nowhere else he’d rather be.

#crowley #spn crowley #fergus macleod #crowley macleod #spn #supernatural #spn fix-it fic #fanfiction #a new kind of life #my writing #it's dooooone omg #thanks to everyone for reading!

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2bstudioblog · 3 years

Text

Konami’s wheels are turning... slowly

Lot’s of interesting news heading to our heads this Monday from what I heard from Yong Yea’s video about Konami wanting to outsource their IP’s to 3rd parties.

Obviously, Akira Yamaoka has kinda given away a strong hint that he’s working on a project with Bloober which in this case would be the long awaited SH remake or the direction they had with PT before it got cancelled. Akira Yamaoka also decided that (too late) he wanted to amend the article from his interview and release it later down the line. It’s very unusual that these news happen, but we all know Yamaoka is most famous for his music in Silent Hill.

Which brings me to a funny story about my own involvement of a Silent Hill game. I mentioned this on a podcast that I was part of 2 Konami-owned IP’s that went into another direction and killing off their franchises which have been like dead bodies in a morgue for the last 7 years.

I got the request to write industrial-metal music for a Silent Hill (of course at this time I only knew the IP and their most famous version of the game has been Silent Hill 2.) game. First I was of course very excited to be part of the series, but I jumped to early until I found out it was a Pachinko-machine (A japanese style pinball-game mixed with a touch-screen and a one-armed bandit and a slot-machine in one.), and my heart sank a little. I think I produced 4-5 cues for the machine, but I’m glad that nobody will be able to hear my “mediocre” masterpieces because all you would hear are metal-balls falling into a tray. But the thing about this machine, it had taken cut-scenes from Silent Hill 2, upscaled or even re-mastered/remade the graphics which would have looked great if it was its own game. But it was the same thing they’ve done with all their other IPs when those transfer over to this kind of entertainment. All what was left of it, Jim Sterling turned the game into a Meme and all I can hear is the -”HIT THE LEVER!” and the effects overpowering the music behind it. But I’m glad it didn’t go further then that. Technically here, Silent Hill(s) died with the arrival of the pachinko-slot machine and the series have tried to re-establish itself ever since.

Another game I was a part of was a Castlevania (Dracula in Japan) themed Pachinko-slot machine, with the revolutionary phrase “Erotic Violence” in it’s PR material and video-commercial. I mean, they took the music production part of this machine very seriously because I wasn’t aware of the “EV” part. I just thought it would be a machine praising the history of Castlevania. I was assigned to re-write and re-orchestrate a few songs from Neo-classical Metal music into more Progressive Metal style, and I was super-proud of this one because they had the sheet-music already available for me. All I had to do was re-arrange some parts for a string-quartet (1 cello, 2 violins and 1 viola) and I believe it was engineered and recorded by famed engineer Kenji Nakai who was under and working with famed engineer Mr Bruce Swedien (Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones).

From that moment me and Mr. Nakai stroke a friendship because he has a passion for Progressive Metal and he asked me if I could send more songs his way. From this we both have been incredibly busy on both of our ends, but I hope we can be able to work on something in the future. I have a feeling that might be soon.

So a long story short, Konami spent a lot of money for recording, they approved everything and we were done. But when it turned out to be a pachinko-machine and not a world-wide videogame release, I just had to facepalm myself, asking the question why they keep doing so many poor decisions. Why leaving all those fans out in the cold and really start making Castlevania mean something. This void of “lots of fancy things, but no substance” started right here...

Konami are turning their wheels a little bit too late and too slow until now. After they got rid of Hideo Kojima (Who I believe was thinking of the international-market rather than the domestic one), Konami had only one thing on their minds: Making money quick and domestically. No more wasted time on translations, straight for the gambling crowd. No need to write interesting stories. No need to introduce kids to this adult material. They wanted to earn it back as fast as possible. But we all see their decisions put them on the map as a “black-company”, who mistreat their staff, shaming them out in the office for overstaying their lunch-breaks. Moving staff from one business to another, from a programmer to a Konami-fitness Center-staff, or as a toilet-cleaner at a Konami-owned pachinko-slot gambling hall. The management of the company has been horrendous for the full-time employee. I’m glad I was not part of these later projects and only wrote stuff for them for Pro Evolution Soccer series from 2009-2012. (My work on 2010-2012 was unfortunately un-credited work. :(

Metal Gear Solid V - The Phantom Pain In My Ass

When the playable teaser called Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes, came out on the PS3 and later on the PS4, it was an introduction for the new graphics engine designed by Hideo Kojima’s team, simply called The FOX-Engine. Basically this “game” was more of a demo rather than a full-product. But it looked great and with a fantastic score by Akihiro Honda, Ludvig Forssell and Harry Gregson-Williams, it had everything going for it to become something really awesome. It became a standard approach from Hideo Kojima now to produce “Playable Teasers” to show a great concept while offering a 3-4 hour short campaign, showing off the engine’s graphical capabilities.

Still, the story was under progress and I knew early on that Hideo Kojima really didn’t want to do it after he always felt that Metal Gear Solid 4 was final. But here is the curse of the die-hard fans, and I’m sorry to say it. No matter how many Iron Man movies Marvel crams out, at the 3rd movie, I started to feel “This does not feel like Iron Man anymore”. But that’s what the fans wanted and is a standard in the movie industry. Always produce a trilogy. Indiana Jones has always been the 3 movies from 1981-1989. The 4th one doesn’t really need to be called Indiana Jones at all. It was there I felt, just like with Metal Gear Solid V, they were beating a DEAD RACE HORSE.

I can’t deny the talents on display for Metal Gear Solid - Ground Zeroes. It laid down some really cool foundations for the gameplay, but I still believe the better game-series for stealth was beaten by the likes of Splinter Cell and most recently Thief. Stealth in MGS has always felt a little bit childish and I only really enjoyed MGS 1, MGS 2, tried to play MGS 3 (still have it one my Vita!) and will try to finish it. MGS 3 has felt like the TRUE Zeroes experience, with the inception of the story and lore behind the cloning of Big Boss. MGS 4 finally brought it all to a great finale and I felt, there is NOTHING more to tell. MGS 1, 2 and 4 is the Trilogy, MGS 3 serves as the Prequel and I see nothing wrong with that.

Mission - Erase Kojima’s Legacy

The making of MGS V - The Phantom Pain is kinda true to it’s title. Can you feel the nostalgia? Or are we just imagining the sensation of a Metal Gear Solid game past it’s prime? The missing link? The missing limb? And with the worlds biggest cop-out of everything that had to do with story was completely missing.

Each mission is playing out every time the same, with an intro to a TV-show, giving away massive spoilers to who would appear in the mission, you do your thing (not so much of story, just a “go-here, do that approach, sneak back out, head to pick-up) rinse and repeat. I wonder how much of this was Kojima’s fault? I don’t think he was up to it. I’m sure he fought for more story but the big heads didn’t want to listen to what makes a MGS game a MGS game. The new management had now already played the hand to disown the man who put Konami on the map for games since the mid 80s.

The game is no longer marketed like before. The tagline “A Hideo Kojima Game” no longer exists and will never be part of Konami’s mission of erasing the person who gave them their fame and the recognition that a game carrying the name Konami was a brand of quality for any gamer out there. Me myself, personally only played PES because of the stellar animations, but its recently since 2012, I stopped playing the series. FIFA had already cheapened itself, PES likewise. Updating the graphics, but the same old animations have been recycled back to the PES3 days. Maybe there’s been an update in the collision engine, but otherwise everything stayed the same, with the huge amount of data collected from previous years of motion-capture, why do it all over when its all about the brand recognition? Saving money on processes wherever possible. Simple Math. And here it is. MGS V is not a MGS game.

We already knew it was going to be a massive budget behind the game of MGS V. But what can Konami do to save money on MGS V? They already have the Fox Engine running from Ground Zeroes. The assets for “Snake” (I’ll let you know why I put quotation-marks around it) and standard models will extend somewhat. Oh, yes, let’s save money on a character that doesn’t speak (Quiet), over-sexualize the character to start a fan-base of people who just dig character design, animated a sexy “shower” routine for the character for boys to go nuts over. What about voice? Let’s not really try to sync the voices to the mouths. Let’s have the guy from “24″ record his performances onto tape-logs. Kiefer Sutherland would have been a good “Snake”, but I understand now that you are not “SNAKE”. The game explains pretty soon at the end that you are just a Medic and all the tapes you’ve been listening to is the original Big Boss. You never where the character of Snake. Even though this all could have been handled better, Konami wanted to save money wherever possible. We also knew David Hayter was not asked or put forward to return as “The Voice of Snake”. But in this case I start to wonder myself, David Hayter might have dodged the biggest bullet in the most expensive, commercial and very controversial game of all time once Konami decided to kill everything that built up their reputation.

Even during production Kojima managed to start working on PT. The game Konami “silenced” after it was released on the PS-store. Guillermo Del Toro and his friendship with Hideo Kojima’s dream-game was put on ice. All because Kojima was about to get frozen out of the company that was according to Konami “Wasting too much bloody money”. I might get blacklisted for saying this, but once the new management started to mess with the other IPs for just domestic/gambling market, that’s where everything went sideways. Konami wasn’t treating their heritage with respect.

It took them 7 years to realize their mistake! And now, for those who wants to be part of 3rd party developers who would get a crack at a new Castlevania, a new Metal Gear Solid (remake I hope), Konami has realized that the only way they will survive (Yeah, Metal Gear Solid Survive killed them HARD) is to let other’s take over. Maybe my dream of scoring a Metal Gear Solid game would be somewhat more possible now rather than working in the confined space of limitations posed by the higher ups at Konami. Let 3rd party developers breathe life into the IPs because I know there are smarter ways to tell a story and I would gladly like to see the return of David Hayter in the seat, without having to deal with the blank-face approach that he was faced with every time he had to audition for Snake in MGS 2, 3 and 4! David Hayter is a fantastic writer, actor and voice-actor. He has the chops and I think we are all ready for either a re-make or a better follow up to MGS 2 and the time between that one and MGS 4.

#Metal Gear Solid V #the phantom pain #Konami #Hideo Kojima #Akira Yamaoka #Yong Yea #Castlevania #Pachinko #Silent Hill #PT #Ground Zeroes #harry gregson williams #ludvig forssell #3rd Party #Bloober team #remake #Metal Gear Solid Remake

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lgbtyrus · 5 years

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Two Exes on Mars

A Tyrus fic where they’re aged up + broken up :) It will have a ‘happily ever after’, I promise. Note: IDK if you know your Andi Mack lore, but just in case, Shadyside is in a fictional US state called Midwest.

Part 1/? (I’m thinking 3 or 4)

Words: 2,668

He kissed him goodbye. It wasn’t even rainy or cloudy outside, much less foggy. It was super bright and sunny, and Cyrus could hear every single bird in Shadyside chirping as his now ex-boyfriend walked out the front door of his house. He waited until TJ was out of his driveway to shut the door and break out in tears, pressing his forehead and fist against his door.

Why? he wondered. Why? Why? Why?

But he knew why. He knew why TJ had let him go in the worst breakup in the world. He had tried to a week ago which led to Cyrus breaking down in front of him and ended up with them back together. But the tension between them was so obviously, and it lead to TJ’s horrible mood swings and random outbursts he never apologized for. It made Cyrus feel like crap. Then in the middle of the week, TJ tried breaking up with him over text. Cyrus ignored it, and TJ went over to his house the next day like nothing had happened. Not even three days later, TJ came over to break up him a third time. For good.

That just happened two minutes ago, and Cyrus silently let him leave this time. He shouldn’t have ever let him see him cry.

“You have to go to California, Cyrus,” TJ had told him, his eyes red and his hands clenching into tight fists. All Cyrus could do was stare at the floor. It’s not everyday you get a chance to go to USC, but it also meant leaving everyone you loved behind- including TJ. Him and TJ had been together since the 8th grade, and he had included TJ in all of his future plans. For him, being in a long distance relationship was a possibility, and he never thought TJ would be against it.

“I want to go to MSU,” Cyrus shook his head, refusing to look at him. TJ was going to MSU on a basketball scholarship, and yeah, they had a theatre and screenwriting, but it wasn’t USC. It was one of the hardest choices Cyrus had to make.

“You’re clearly lying, Cyrus,�� TJ let out a frustrated sigh, “I know when you’re lying.” It’s true, he did. His hands always instinctively went inside a pocket, and Cyrus has never been able to stop it. “Cyrus. I know I’m the main reason why you want to stay in Midwest, but I want you to go to USC. It’s what you want.”

“Does that mean we have to break up, though?” Cyrus asked him sadly, his voice quiet. TJ ran his fingers through his blonde hair and let out a deep breath.

“We’d be doing long distance for four years, Cyrus. I don’t want to hold you back from being at your prime if you’re moping around missing me the entire time.”

“Are you just saying this because you’re the one that’s not going to be fine?” There wasn’t even a pause.

“Yes, Cyrus!” TJ said loudly, startling Cyrus. “I can’t spend four years of my life being sad because I miss you all the time, but I also can’t live with the guilt I’m going to feel if you don’t go to USC. This entire situation is driving me insane, and I really think breaking up is the best way to go.”

“You honestly think that?” Cyrus frowned, looking right up at him. He didn’t want to break down like he did the first time. “You’re just giving up? Not even giving long distance a try. After five years, TJ?”

TJ shamefully looked away before saying, “I love you, Cyrus. But I think it’d hurt less to let you go.”

“How?” Cyrus’ voice started to tremble as he spoke in complete disbelief, “How can you even say you love me right now?” TJ didn’t say anything. He just slowly walking up to Cyrus, each step taking its own time before cupping his face in his hands and kissing him softly.

TJ pulled away, whispering, “Bye, Cyrus.”

Cyrus was now sitting on his bedroom floor, playing music louder than his occasional sob. Andi and Buffy were on their way, but until then, it was him, and a lone polaroid picture he had of him and TJ on their first Valentine’s Day together right in front of him. Him and TJ were sitting on one side of the booth at The Spoon while Marty and Buffy sat on the other side. TJ had his arms around him and was smiling in to his cheek, leaving a very fluttered Cyrus to be captured forever.

“Cyrus!” someone yelled out from downstairs. “We’re here.”

“Upstairs!” Cyrus yelled out, his voice slightly cracking. He hadn’t spoken since TJ left, and his throat hurt. He was glad he left the door unlocked for them because he didn’t have the energy to move.

Andi peaked her head through his bedroom door, frowning when she saw him, “Hi, Cyrus.”

“Hey,” Cyrus waved, “come in.” He hadn’t seen Andi in about three weeks was she was getting busy with her senior art project for SAVA. He loved her for being here during a busy time. Buffy trailed in behind Andi with two loaded grocery bags.

“We brought ice cream and pie,” Buffy held the bags up. “We stopped by your kitchen to get utensils.”

“Thank you because I was not going to move,” Cyrus said. Andi and Buffy sat down on each side of him and rested their heads on his shoulder.

“You can cry if you want,” Andi told him.

“Yeah,” Buffy agreed, “we bought three tissue boxes.”

“I’ve been crying for like an hour, and I’m just tired of it at this point. But this is also probably just the start,” Cyrus mumbled. “How am I supposed to accept that someone I talked to everyday for five years is leaving my life?”

“I know it hurts, Cyrus,” Buffy whispered. “But you’re stronger than you think. You’re going to get through this. Trust me. I’m always right.”

“I know you are,” Cyrus smiled slightly. “You know what sucks the most though?”

“What?” they asked in unison.

“We already have matching tuxedos from prom.” -

Cyrus and TJ showed up with new tuxedos to prom. Andi herself made Cyrus a brand new one. The according to different sources, both Cyrus and TJ had both begged Gus to cancel their Prom Court nomination. Gus thought it was funny until Buffy stepped in, and he got scared.

Cyrus and TJ didn’t sit together at lunch anymore or do homework together or visit the swing sets every Tuesday after TJ got out of tutoring. Cyrus submitted his paperwork to attend USC in the fall and according to Amber who was at Shadyside’s community college, TJ was going to go to MSU to play for their basketball team. Buffy and Marty would be seeing him at MSU seeing they got track scholarships.

Cyrus cried every night for the rest of the school year after finishing his homework because he worked to hard to have his GPA suffer over a boy who clearly didn’t care if he fell apart. He sometimes sat in the bathtub and let music fill his whole bathroom and no matter what, every single song would remind him of TJ. Of course, that was his fault for playing the playlists TJ had made him on Spotify. He wondered if he could see that he was listening to them. He hoped he did.

Cyrus didn’t have any communication with TJ since the last texts he sent him. It was a 2AM on a Saturday night, about three weeks since the breakup. He felt horrible and didn’t know how to stop crying. Even though Buffy had told him to call him whenever, he couldn’t keep dumping everything on her.

Cyrus: hey tj I hope im not waking u up idk if you still have your phone set so that u only get text alerts from me but I just wanted to say that I miss you.

Cyrus: I miss you so much tj idk what to do without you. Everything hurts all the time and I just want to talk to you and hear you voice even if we cant date anymore please talk to me. Please be my friend again tj we were best friends for 5 years we work so good together

Cyrus: I love you. I think that ill always be in love with you.

TJ: Goodnight Underdog.

Cyrus didn’t remember what time he went to sleep, but he felt like he cried for hours after that. The pain in his chest beat him up completely until he was too weak to flip his pillow to the dry side.

At their graduation, Cyrus gave a speech and then walked off stage to everyone in the auditorium clapping. It felt surreal. When he looked up smiling, out of all of the people he saw in the sea of graduates, he saw TJ clapping. He had his lip curled up in one corner which showed that he was on the verge of tears. That was the only time that night Cyrus wanted to cry.

A month into USC and without a doubt, Cyrus was homesick and probably depressed. He had made a great group of friends that were similar to him and super positive. He appreciated them, but 8 out of 10 times, they could never convince him to leave his room. He just stayed in and did homework and work on his script. It was about a man who gets his heart shattered and decided to move to Mars as part of a science experiment and when he’s already in space, he realize that his ex is one of the 100 people on board. Things quickly escalate. His friends loved the scripts and always asked to read updates, but he still sent snippets to Bex because he missed her.

It had been months since the breakup with TJ that happened late April. He should be over it now, he thought a lot of the time. But it still hurt. TJ really shot a hole in his heart and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn’t cry everyday like he used to. But every other few weeks, he snuck into the bathroom to cry so his roommate wouldn’t see. It was embarrassing to admit.

Cyrus kept things in a rotation. Script, class, eat, homework, sometimes friends, and sleep. It was hard to stay happy and to enjoy himself. It was hard to feel like he was living through something when he’s been dead inside for months. With Halloween coming up, he felt even worse. He’s never not had anyone to match costumes with. For five years, him and TJ did a couple’s costume and before that, him, Buffy, and Andi always had something up their sleeves. He missed all of them.

Then one day, his roommate let one of his friends into their dorm room. His roommate was part of his friend group, so there was that. Cyrus was working on his infamous script and didn’t even get a text that he was coming. Usually, he said no, though. “Hey, Rich,” Cyrus said as he walked in.

“Hey, Cy,” he said. “I was in the building and wanted to drop by.”

“Why’d you text Karson and not me?” Cyrus asked.

“You always say no.”

“True. Anyways, what’s up?”

“We need one more person for our Halloween costume. It’s Full House. We need an Uncle Jesse. You in?”

“Yeah,” Cyrus grinned, “of course.”

“Damn,” his friend Bogie said. “That TJ foo fucked you up bad, huh?” All eight of them were sitting around a bonfire before Thanksgiving break. It had been a long night of confessions and telling each other things not a lot of other people knew. Somehow in the moment, Cyrus spent thirty minutes telling them the becoming and downfall of him and TJ. Rich had convinced him to go to therapy on campus early November, and Cyrus wished he had gone sooner. It was getting so much easier to be around his friends and have open conversations.

“Yeah,” Cyrus admitted. “I cried everyday for months. I still cry sometimes.”

“Is that why you spend forever in the bathroom?” Karson asked him. Cyrus nodded.

“Damn, Cy,” Roxana mumbled, “no wonder you were so distant at the beginning of the school year. I thought you were just stuck up, but I guess I was wrong. I’m glad you trust us now, though.”

“Me, too,” Cyrus said.

“So, this TJ,” Bogie asked, “what’s he up to?”

“Besides knowing that he plays basketball for Midwest State U, I have no idea. I haven’t talked to him since I last texted him after the breakup. I’m still good friends with his sister, but she never says anything.”

“Dang, so he’s a baller?” Bogie asked.

“Probably just getting fucked up at parties,” Mikhenna suggested. Cyrus didn’t respond. He just shrugged.

“Do you still love him?” Roxana asked him.

“I don’t think so,” Cyrus shook his head. “I’d be stupid to. But thanks for listening, guys. I feel a lot better. I feel like I belong and that I can finally move on.”

Cyrus didn’t see the point of flying all the way back home for a week long break, so he decided to stay behind in California and take a train to his aunt and uncle’s place. They had a daughter that thirteen and always had juicy middle school drama.

When he was laying down on the bed of the guest room, his phone started vibrating. Buffy was on Facetime, and he answered immediately saying, “Hey, Buff.”

“Hey, Cyrus,” Buffy grinned widely before switching the camera, “look who’s with me!”

Andi waved at the camera, “Hey, Cyrus!”

“Andi,” Cyrus grinned. “How are you? We haven’t talked in like four days.”

“I know right,” Andi laughed. “I’m fine. What about you?”

“I’m good, I’m good,” he said before registering completely that Andi was in Shadyside. “Wait,” he paused, “aren’t you supposed to be in Pennsylvania?”

“Yeah but a professor died, so they gave us two weeks off instead of three days and just postponed winter break.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“I have no idea who he is,” Andi shrugged. “But where are you?”

“With my dad’s sister and her family. I’m just chilling and eating home made food before I go back,” Cyrus smiled. Andi moved over to sit next to Buffy and Cyrus noted that they were at the Mack’s place.

“So enough of that,” Buffy said and then looked at Andi who gave her a stern look. “Come on, let me tell him.”

“Well now you have to tell him,” Andi rolled his eyes.

“That’s very true,” Cyrus agreed.

“I know,” Buffy smirked. “That’s why I said that. Anyways,” she looked right at the camera, “we went to the mall with Amber in her car, but it broke down in the parking lot when we were leaving. She had to call TJ to come pick us up, which was already awkward enough because I always ignore him at school, but I was like whatever, it’s a twenty minute drive. Then in the car, literally, this man, I mean, boy, can ask any question. Any question in the world. Preferably, one directed at his sister, like you know, has your car been acting funky for a while? But he asks me and Andi, ‘How is Cyrus doing?’” Cyrus’ heart dropped. He hasn’t heard anything about TJ in so long he’s forgotten how to react.

“What did you say?” Cyrus asked nervously.

“I said that I charge $50 per fact,” Buffy said, “and he didn’t say anything else.”

“That’s weird,” Cyrus frowned. “I wonder why he doesn’t just ask Amber. I literally call her once a week, every Tuesday.”

“No idea,” Buffy said. “But maybe she just doesn’t answer him for the same reasons I didn’t.”

“Which are?”

“We love you.”

anyways follow my main @webarebares <3 thank you for reading! feel free to send asks if something was confusing or if a typo was horrible or just because. i luv u.

#shoosh star #stars writing #andi mack #tyrus #kind of lol #im just a sucker for angst and cant help writing it whenever i can

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theonyxpath · 6 years

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Hi, everybody!

It’s good to be back after a week away post-Gen Con. So I’m going to tell you a little bit of what went on there, from my point-of-view, of course, but I’m also going to intersperse some quotes from some of our Onyx Path folks who were there helping us.

Of course, the first big thing we announced there was that we’re publishing Chicago By Night for Vampire 5th Edition!

We actually did feel kinda bad that we couldn’t tell you about it sooner, in that we do try and keep our inner workings pretty transparent for all of you. This was one of those times where the nature of working with White Wolf on this made it impossible to reveal it until the con. Their efforts and emphasis had to be on getting V5 out as promised, so we put our efforts towards getting V5 Chicago By Night written.

And as you see it mysteriously appear already in Redlines in the Progress Report below, you’ll realize we’ve been rolling on this for a while. Right now, we expect to have the text ready for editing in time to have a Kickstarter for it in October.

Kind of a fitting month, actually.

One of that Kickstarter’s goals will be to get this traditionally printed and into stores, where it can join V5 on the shelves. So, that’s a cool thing for us to try out with a WoD book, and we’re looking forward to how that will work out.

“It’s so refreshing to interact with fans in person and hear about all the games that excite you! Every one of our games got some love in conversations I had with you folks, and that was awesome to see. Thanks especially to all those Changeling: The Lost fans who came to chat with me. :)” – Meghan Fitzgerald

Like I mentioned in a previous blog, our booth was across the aisle from White Wolf‘s this year, and they, of course, were selling Vampire 5th Edition like fanged and bloody hotcakes. Or maybe just “bloodcakes”.

Besides V5 Chicago By Night, they announced several other projects from other licensing partners, including V5 Makeup, which was a huge hit with some of the folks I talked with. Others, who seemed to have missed WW‘s whole “we’re going to license all sorts of things for all sorts of fans” stated intentions, felt like this “cheapened” V5.

Back in the day at WW, we licensed out VtM zippos and license plates. Action figures. Just sayin’.

Scion: Hero illustration by Michele Giorgi

The gang at the WW booth were also fantastic at directing the throng buying V5 over to our booth where Mighty Matt McElroy had arranged that entire side of our booth with our 20th Anniversary WoD books on display. That worked really well, and further illustrated how the current team from WW are both gracious and fun to be next to for many, many, hours!

“I really enjoyed talking to fans about Pugmire, Monarchies of Mau, Fetch Quest, and Dystopia Rising: Evolution! I love watching people have fun around a table, and this year I got to see that directly, which is always wonderful. I just wish I had more time to talk to everyone and do everything!” – Eddy Webb

Our demo tables in the booth were really well attended, particularly on Saturday, and we were really glad to be able to walk folks through different games. I think this is even more important with games like Fetch Quest which is very much a card game, or They Came From Beneath the Sea! which adds a bunch of fun extras to the base Storypath System in order to create an “enhanced” TTRPG experience. It really helps to play through them a bit.

We’re used to getting gasps and excitement with a lot of our demos, it’s great to hear that both of these two games also had demo players laughing, as well.

PtC Tormented illustration by Tilen Javornik

We shared our booth with our friends from Eschaton Media, the Dystopia Rising creators, and not only were they great booth-mates who really helped make booth tear-down a breeze, but we were able to trade some fantastic ideas about rewards and stretch goals for our Dystopia Rising: Evolution RPG Kickstarter coming up next week. We think fans of our RPGs and fans of their previous DR projects like the LARP are going to find this Kickstarter pretty interesting!

We were also able to talk about the challenges of running a “franchise” business model for their LARPs, which is similar to licensing each venue out (as opposed to the “fan club” method used by old WW), and how they continue to evolve that system.

Since I am always trying to find ways for Onyx Path to evolve and improve, it is really good to be able to compare notes with folks who are also able to clearly look at how they did things in the past and actively try and improve on them. Maybe more on that at a later time.

“It’s always wonderful to interact directly with our fans and customers. I found myself answering a whole load of questions about They Came From Beneath The Sea! and V5: Chicago By Night, but also being able to just chat away about all our other games and roleplayer experiences is a joy. I had the chance to run several games, including They Came From, Pugmire, and Wraith 20 at the booth, and even Werewolf: The Forsaken in the hotel bar! In all, I had a fantastic, busy convention.” – Matthew Dawkins

We also announced our latest license, Legend Lore, based on the comic book world of “The Realm” and “Legend Lore” from Caliber Comics. The system is going to be D&D 5e based, and we’re sorry if an early press release said something different, but there is one key aspect of Legend Lore that we think will make it a very unique game.

The primary setting plot point is that the protagonists are people from our world transported to the fantasy world of Legend Lore. Now this is a pretty common trope in the fantasy fiction genre, but less so for TTRPGs. And pretty much the basis for that translation that I’ve seen in other games was to look at things like your Strength stat and ask how many weights you can bench press, or your real world IQ translated between 3 and 18.

We’re not doing it that way. More on how we are doing it as the book begins to be previewed. We’re also keenly aware of not minimizing anyone’s real-world challenges and disabilities. More on that too, in the months to come.

“As always, fans are why we do this Con, whether it was meeting fans of our stuff for the first time, making new ones out of interested folks, or seeing old friends after yet another year.” – Neall Raemonn Price

Our “What’s Up With Onyx Path?” panels went really well (although I had to miss most of the second one on Saturday), with some really excellent Q&A after the big points announcements. That was where we could delve deeper into the specific projects folks in the audience wanted to hear about. Both the “Freelancing for Onyx Path” panel and the “Developer Bootcamp” were super well attended and folks seemed really engaged.

Dixie, Matthew, and Eddy recorded both the “What’s Up With Onyx Path?” panels and edited them together into a semi-coherent whole that went up on the Onyx Pathcast last Friday. As always, you can hear them on PodBean or your favorite podcast venue.

They had to edit them, though. Even though we didn’t have whole swathes of the recording drowned out by trains like in previous years, we still had some outside noise break through, and I’m sure I talked away from the mic plenty of times!

“It’s always such an amazing feeling to get to interact with new and old fans, as well as my peers in the gaming industry I don’t get to see often. I love how excited everyone was! Thank you to everyone who stopped by the booth to chat or say hello.” – Dixie Cochran

Like every year, there’s never enough time to talk with everyone on a business level – nevermind all the friends and members of our community who want to chat and catch up. Like last year in particular, I think you’ll be seeing some amazing results from a bunch of the meetings and chats I did have as the year progresses. But there’s not a lot of details I can share.

In general, I talked with several translation partners about pretty much all of our game lines, sat down to hear a bunch of pitches for new games or licenses, discussed our upcoming art needs with several of the illustrators in attendance there. I had a very quick but very focused meeting with Jaunty James Bell, our Kickstarter Concierge in order to be sure that he was still loving his job. He is.

I counseled way too many creators with Imposter Syndrome, a different depressed artist, and let an old and dear friend know that I was going to be a grandparent like she has been for a few years already. “Any tips?”

I was sitting in the Indy airport finishing my last blazing shrimp cocktail and wondering how that thing we had planned for for so long could have gone by so fast. It is just so packed with sights and conversations and games and late nights and early mornings.

It’s Gen Con, baby!

Monarchies of Mau art by Pat McEvoy

Here’s a handy link list from Impish Ian Watson, who set up the blog last week. Thanks, Ian, and also to Matthew Dawkins who wrote the texty part.

Onyx Path’s 2018-2019 Publishing and Storypath Brochures are now available

Onyx Path is publishing Chicago by Night for Vampire: The Masquerade 5th Edition

Onyx Path is publishing a Legendlore RPG in partnership with Caliber Comics

Onyx Path and Pugsteady are collaborating with iThrive Games and the Bodhana Group to create the Critical Strengths Engine, a ruleset based not on physical strength, but emotional resilience, motivation, understanding, and communication. The first published adventures will be written by Eddy and will be officially licensed Pugmire products.

Check them out and see the proof of our motto:

Many Worlds, One Path!

BLURBS!

KICKSTARTER:

Dystopia Rising: Evolution art by Mark Kelly

Our next Kickstarter will be for Dystopia Rising: Evolution starting on Wednesday the 22nd at 2pm EDT.

ELECTRONIC GAMING:

As we find ways to enable our community to more easily play our games, the Onyx Dice Rolling App is now live! Our dev team has been doing updates since we launched based on the excellent use-case comments by our community, and this thing is both rolling and rocking!

Here are the links for the Apple and Android versions:

http://theappstore.site/app/1296692067/onyx-dice

https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.onyxpathpublishing.onyxdice&hl=en

Three different screenshots, above.

ON AMAZON AND BARNES & NOBLE:

You can now read our fiction from the comfort and convenience of your Kindle (from Amazon) and Nook (from Barnes & Noble).

If you enjoy these or any other of our books, please help us by writing reviews on the site of the sales venue you bought it from. Reviews really, really help us with getting folks interested in our amazing fiction!

Our selection includes these fiction books:

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Endless Ages Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Rites of Renown: When Will You Rage II (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Ascension: Truth Beyond Paradox (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: The God-Machine Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Curse of the Blue Nile (Kindle, Nook)

Beast: The Primordial: The Primordial Feast Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Masquerade: Of Predators and Prey: The Hunters Hunted II Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: The Poison Tree (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: Songs of the Sun and Moon: Tales of the Changing Breeds (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: The Strix Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Forsaken: The Idigam Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Mage: The Awakening: The Fallen World Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Masquerade: The Beast Within Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Werewolf: The Apocalypse: W20 Cookbook (Kindle, Nook)

Exalted: Tales from the Age of Sorrows (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Tales of the Dark Eras (Kindle, Nook)

Promethean: The Created: The Firestorm Chronicle Anthology (Kindle, Nook)

Demon: The Descent: Demon: Interface (Kindle, Nook)

Scarred Lands: Death in the Walled Warren (Kindle, Nook)

V20 Dark Ages: Cainite Conspiracies (Kindle, Nook)

Chronicles of Darkness: Strangeness in the Proportion (Kindle, Nook)

Vampire: The Requiem: Silent Knife (Kindle, Nook)

Mummy: The Curse: Dawn of Heresies (Kindle, Nook)

OUR SALES PARTNERS:

We’re working with Studio2 to get Pugmire out into stores, as well as to individuals through their online store. You can pick up the traditionally printed main book, the Screen, and the official Pugmire dice through our friends there!

https://studio2publishing.com/search?q=pugmire

Looking for our Deluxe or Prestige Edition books? Try this link! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Onyx-Path-Publishing/

Here’s the link to the press release we put out about how Onyx Path is now selling through Indie Press Revolution: http://theonyxpath.com/press-release-onyx-path-limited-editions-now-available-through-indie-press-revolution/

And you can now order Pugmire: the book, the screen, and the dice! http://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/manufacturers.php?manufacturerid=296

SPECIAL W20 and M20 SALE! Huge savings on our Deluxe printing overruns until 8/31!

https://www.indiepressrevolution.com/xcart/Deals-and-Specials/

DRIVETHRURPG.COM:

This Wednesday, we will release a series of Wraith: The Oblivion Journals on RedBubble!

CONVENTIONS!

From Fast Eddy Webb, we have these:

Eddy will be speaking at Broadleaf Writers Conference (September 22-23) in Decatur, GA. He’ll be there to talk about writing for interactive fiction, and hanging out with other writers who have far more illustrious careers. http://broadleafwriters.com/3rd-annual-broadleaf-writers-conference/3rd-annual-broadleaf-writers-conference-speakers/

Eddy will also be a featured guest at Save Against Fear (October 12-14) in Harrisburg, PA. He’ll be running some Pugmire games, be available for autographs, and will sometimes accept free drinks. http://www.thebodhanagroup.org/about-the-convention

If you are going and want to meet up, let us know!

And now, the new project status updates!

DEVELOPMENT STATUS FROM FAST EDDY WEBB (projects in bold have changed status since last week):

First Draft (The first phase of a project that is about the work being done by writers, not dev prep)

M20 Book of the Fallen (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

C20 Novel (Jackie Cassada) (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 The Technocracy Reloaded (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

M20 Victorian Mage (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Trinity Continuum: Aberrant core (Trinity Continuum: Aberrant)

Tales of Excellent Cats (Monarchies of Mau)

Scion Companion: Mysteries of the World (Scion 2nd Edition)

City of the Towered Tombs (Cavaliers of Mars)

Night Horrors: Nameless and Accursed (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Heirs to the Shogunate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Witch-Queen of the Shadowed Citadel (Cavaliers of Mars)

Redlines

Deviant: The Renegades (Deviant: The Renegades)

Spilled Blood (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

CofD Dark Eras 2 (Chronicles of Darkness)

Changeling: The Lost 2nd Companion (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

V5 Chicago By Night (Vampire: The Masquerade)

Second Draft

WoD Ghost Hunters (World of Darkness)

Tales of Good Dogs – Pugmire Fiction Anthology (Pugmire)

Aeon Aexpansion (Trinity Continuum: Aeon)

C20 Players’ Guide (Changeling: the Dreaming 20th Anniversary Edition)

In Media Res (Trinity Continuum: Core)

Changeling: The Lost 2nd Jumpstart (Changeling: The Lost 2nd)

Wr20 Book of Oblivion (Wraith: The Oblivion 20th Anniversary Edition)

Lunars: Fangs at the Gate (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Adventures for Curious Cats (Monarchies of Mau)

Development

Signs of Sorcery (Mage: the Awakening Second Edition)

Hunter: the Vigil 2e core (Hunter: the Vigil 2nd Edition)

Fetch Quest (Pugmire)

CofD Contagion Chronicle (Chronicles of Darkness)

Dystopia Rising: Evolution (Dystopia Rising: Evolution)

Night Horrors: Shunned by the Moon (Werewolf: The Forsaken 2nd Edition)

Manuscript Approval:

Editing:

They Came From Beneath the Sea! Rulebook (TCFBtS!)

Dog and Cat Ready Made Characters (Monarchies of Mau) (With Eddy)

Post-Editing Development:

Scion: Hero (Scion 2nd Edition)

Trinity Continuum Core Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Trinity Continuum: Aeon Rulebook (The Trinity Continuum)

Ex Novel 2 (Aaron Rosenberg) (Exalted 3rd Edition)

Exalted 3rd Novel by Matt Forbeck (Exalted 3rd Edition)

GtS Geist 2e core (Geist: the Sin-Eaters Second Edition)

M20 Gods and Monsters (Mage: the Ascension 20th Anniversary Edition)

Night Horrors: The Tormented (Promethean: The Created 2nd Edition)

Guide to the Night (Vampire: The Requiem 2nd Edition)

Indexing:

ART DIRECTION FROM MIRTHFUL MIKE:

In Art Direction

Dystopia Rising: Evolution – KS finals rolling in.

VtR: Guide to the Night

M20: Gods and Monsters

Geist 2e

The Realm

Trinity Continuum (Aeon and Core)

Ex3 Monthly Stuff

Ex3 Dragon Blooded

Marketing Stuff

In Layout

Scarred Lands Trilogy Novels – Converting to PDF and PoD.

PTC: Night Horrors: The Tormented

Fetch Quest

Cav cards

Proofing

Scion Hero

At Press

Changeling: The Lost 2e – incorporating errata and getting it ready for indexing.

Monarchies of Mau – Press proofs signed off… now printing.

Scion Origin – Out gathering errata.

Cavaliers of Mars – Printing.

Wraith 20th – Prepping the Deluxe files.

Monarchies of Mau Screen – Printing.

Cavaliers of Mars Screen – Printing.

Wraith 20 Screen – Printing.

Scion Dice – At fulfillment shipper.

TODAY’S REASON TO CELEBRATE: And we’re back! A bunch of us got some down time after/during Gen Con, and we’re feeling gooood.

#Onyx Path Publishing

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nosafeharbour · 4 years

Text

The Sorrow of Werlyt thoughts/reactions (5.3)

I don’t even know where to start... I am just afk in a beautiful Garlean seaside town, next to Gaius, watching Raen kids run around, while a soft sad Praetorium theme plays... hghghhhh?? [cries into hands]

I can’t believe I finally get to be that person who has one of their favourite NPCs stay on the overworld between patches. My time has come. I deserve this

- I love Cid and I love Severa and everyone’s blend of “exasperated fondness” and “slight apprehension” to Cid’s excitement over his new project was so sweet. The G-Warrior?? Cid you absolute nerd

- Cid kept doing a >:) face which I can only assume was /taunt... I love... this excitable salty lad

- [eats up any mention of Azys Lla or playing of Azys Lla music with a spoon]

- THE G-WARRIOR WAS REALLY COOL AND SEXY AND I’M JUST REALLY HAPPY. The fight itself was cool, I failed it twice before I beat it. I’m glad it was a little tricky, or at the very least had enough real mechanics to get your head around

- Regula... :’( He didn’t really get mentioned much outside of the fight, but I suppose it’s to be expected for a somewhat minor character (in the grand scheme of things), and since he dies in optional content they can’t dwell on that too much either.

- The snippets of his dialogue, the “my visage born in ceruleum flames!” (or whatever) line, the CERULEUM TIGERS... I love and miss Regula so much, I can’t believe I got more content for him in the year 2020.

- The cockpit shots with the extremely anime angles, the cute Cid and Gaius video feeds, the silly voice lines (Cid going “That sounds awfully familiar...” after the “G-Warrior, engage!” line made me laugh), the Primals remix of Ultima. Simply perfect. I cannot understate how much this was just simply, the best

- Anyway, come for the mecha, stay for the crippling Gaius and Raen feelings

- I was so blown away to arrive in Terncliff... a whole area? And it’s beautiful! Seaside town! The music being a remix of the main Garlean motif and Penitus/the Praetorium theme is so beautiful. I guess the latter really is kind of being woven in as Gaius’s theme now? After it was incorporated into The Burn, and now this.

- Running up to the first NPC I saw (the widow sat on the bench) and realising she was a Raen, combined with the music, made me tear up. Then seeing Raen kids running around? There’s only so much my heart can take. This is what I’ve yearned for all this time, and it’s better than I could possibly imagine. Having wanted any kind of alternate Raen lore all this time and deciding that Albi’s dad was from Ilsabard/was Garlean means this has all been hitting so perfectly.

- I’ll wait until we see more locations in the future before deciding if Albi’s dad is definitely from Terncliff or not (they mentioned it was reasonably far south to Werlyt) but I’m already so drawn to this area, either way. The detail is so moving, they’re really setting up more major lore than I anticipated. I really thought it would just be beat Sapphire Weapon and be done!

- Terncliff even has a Triple Triad NPC haha jfc

- Gaius... I don’t even know what to say any more I just really, really love him :( This big multi-faceted tragic asshole

- I was NOT expecting to come out of this really loving Valdeaulin this much, he just seemed like the “obligatory asshole I’m meant to hate” after the first Werlyt quest, but now he’s very nuanced and sympathetic. It’s adding back some of the Ala Mhigan/places-Gaius-had-a-hand-in threads that were lacking last time, giving Gaius some more angles in general, and... SUDDEN DUSKWIGHT LORE. Raen and Duskwight handshake over finally being seen. Thank you for my life, Werlyt

- The fact that Valdeaulin is the one who essentially saved Gaius’s life after the Praetorium is really interesting and also oh boy that will surely spark some fun fan content ya feel

- I’m even more sympathetic and attached to the Raen kids, the Echo between Rex and Ricon was really lovely, and then the stinger with Alfonse and Allie... ahhh... they were a bit cheesy in the first quest but they feel a little deeper now

- This Valens van Varro... god... damn. The animation and characterisation from his scene were really over the top

- I’m so happy that Gaius and Valdeaulin stay in Terncliff after you’ve finished the quest :’( I was happy with how much gpose I made up for this time after I felt like I rushed the Ruby Weapon quests, but knowing that I can swing by any time makes me so glad

- God I have so many Albael thoughts [head in hands] I love how my first Werlyt thought dump for 5.2 was like “hmm I don’t know what kind of relationship these two have” and now 6 months later I am simply in hell

- Sapphire Weapon bust as quest reward :) It can match my Ruby one... maybe one day we’ll get a Gaius minion but this is more than fine

- I wonder what the next quest will entail? It was easy to assume Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald, Diamond... but the green-coded pilot ended up being a red herring. Not only did he instead pilot Sapphire, he is now dead. I was struggling to think what Emerald Weapon might look like between it’s theming (underwater or earth themes are already taken!) plus an appropriate Legatus to take after. I wonder if they’ll shake up the formula a bit.

#the sorrow of werlyt #5.3 spoilers #reactions

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patricksilvrrozartistry · 6 years

Text

Current Music Obsessions: November 16 - 30, 2017

Soooo there's A LOT of stuff this time. I PURGED my watch later playlist and there's still over a hundred songs on there. ANYWAYS, here are the honorable mentions.

Then Comes Silence - Warm like Blood Lyria - What Do You Want From Me? Witchcraft - Холодный свет A Skylit Drive - Wires and the Conscept of Breathing Fenrir's Scar - From Porcelain to Ivory Royal Blood - How Did We Get so Dark? Cadence Calling - The Accounts of Evil The Oblivion - Helios In this Moment - Roots Demether - Two Roses Tears of Martyr - Evil Domini Words as Knives - Over the Abyss Kobra and the Lotus - Prevail Aftereffect - Fade Away HDK - Pedestal Diamond Black - Sorrow A Crowd of Rebellion - M1917 Alaska Thunderfuck - Come to Brazil Syndemic - Exileseeker Crimfall - The Last of Stands Elephants in Paradise - Feeding a Lie Kalela - LMK Sinistro - Lotus Mercury Killed Newton - Arusha Mourning Sun - Latitud:56'S Aly & AJ - I Know Satanicpornocultshop - Left Handed Darling Imperious - Scorn Cellar Darling - Six Days Lake of Silent Terror - Eyes of God Pale Waves - New Year's Eve A Sound of Thunder - Lifebringer

And the many obsessions.

1) Wheelfall - Impenitent

If you're looking for a death metal track with a dope ass intro, this is the song for you. The intro is so cool and different. It's your typical death metal track, but there's something about this song that's just so epic. Definitely a great listen.

2) Dim7 - Apophis Enigmata

This is blackened doom metal at its finest. It oddly has a groovy vibe to it in the early parts, but then it gets very doomy towards the end. I'm really digging the new direction that these guys are going it. I really enjoyed their gothic doom metal stuff from their early days, but this new stuff is pretty damn awesome.

3) Skarlett Riot - Warrior

This band fuses really catchy vocal lines with some badass riffs and I love the contrast between them. This band is really starting to grow on me the more and more I listen to them. This is a great jam and the breakdown near the end is a great way to tone things down a bit while still maintaining a lot of energy.

4) Moon Tooth - Little Witch

This song and video are so campy that it's making me love them. I'm still very new to these guys, so I don't know if a lot of their stuff is this cheesy, but even if isn't, I'm loving it. Definitely has a psychedelic rock, classic doom metal vibe to it. Go give these guys a listen.

5) Diablo Swing Orchestra - Knucklehugs (Arm Yourself with Love)

This is the first single off their upcoming album and I am so hyped for it. This song is pure camp fused with being an anthem track. Although I'll definitely miss them having a soprano, their new frontwoman is bringing some new dimensions to them that's going to make them campier and I'm beyond excited for that.

6) Ruins of Elysium - The Birth of a Goddess

This is their latest single off their latest album and is definitely one of the highlights off it. We really need more bands like Ruins of Elysium that show their love and support for the LGBT community in their music, especially in the symphonic metal scene. Not only that, but be open enough to show to the world that they're fronted by someone in the community. This song speaks to me on so many levels being the bi dude that I am, and I can't help but feel so loved by such an amazing band. I can't wait to be able to meet Drake, because ya bitch needs to do that.

7) Cradle of Filth - Vengeful Spirit feat. Liv Kristine

Cryptoriana is handsdown their best album in the past decade, and this song is proof of that. I never expected Liv to collaborate with them again, especially on a more aggressive track like this. It's an epic adventure from start to finish and I can't get enough of it. If you're going to listen to anything off this gorgeous album, listen to this.

8) Rivers of Nihil - Perpetual Growth Machine

I rekindled my love for this ballbuster recently. I really need to listen to everything else this band has released, because this is the only song I've listened to from them. The riffs are so great and are always in your face. Don't even get me started on how intense the bridge is. Needless to say, it mutilated my balls.

9) Aeonian Sorrow - Forever Misery

I'm so happy to hear that Gogo of Luna Obscura is in an active project again. This song is completely different from the stuff from them. She sings in a much lower register. Oh, and this is depressive doom metal and not gothic metal. Such a hauntingly beautiful track.

10) HDK - Mortal Zombie

Discovered this song after I watched an interview for Sander's project Phantom Elite and they mentioned he was part of After Forever and I couldn't remember who he was so I went onto the metal archives and found this project under him and checked it out. This song is so epic. It's a bit cheesy, but the fact that it's such an intense and in your face track makes up for it.

11) Amberian Dawn - Dragonflies

I am blown away by how insanely epic this new album is proving itself to be already and I haven't even heard it yet. They're definitely going in a more faster direction and playing with some prog vibes. This is such an epic track and Capri looks insane in the video.

12) Evenoire - Forever Gone

This band never seems to fail me. Each song is such an epic piece of work. This song is so beautiful and has such a cool vibe to it and flows so nicely. I really love how proggy it is and how it switches tone a decent amount. Also it's the first song I've heard from them that features growls.

13) Apparition - The Dames of Darkness

This was a random find that I am so glad I came across. Such a beautiful and power gothic metal track. The end of the final chorus is everything. I love finding these hidden gems that snatch your edges out of nowhere.

14) Metalite - Purpose of Life

This band definitely has my attention. I'm very much looking forward to listening to their debut album, because everything I'm hearing so far is amazing. The strong electronic element goes so well with their power metal sound. Not to mention this song is definitely the fastest that I've heard from them so far.

15) Kartikeya - Durga Puja

I discovered this song through the band's record label and I'm so intrigued. It starts out sounding like progressive death metal, then it gets really weird during the bridge. Like, really weird. It sounds like the frontman is just speaking gibberish, but not a beat-boxing gibberish that Korn uses in their songs, this sounds like legit gibberish. I'm definitely am gonna listen to more from these guys and see what other interesting things they got going on.

16) Gravity - Noctifer ~ Le Porteur de Nuit

I discovered these guys not too long ago and this is the second song I've heard so far. They're a progressive death metal band with some strong djent vibes. I really want to hear more from them, because they have such an interesting sound. It sounds atmospheric, but is way to aggressive to be atmospheric.

17) Forbidden Lore - Endless Run

Another random discovery that snatched my edges. This is such a powerful symphonic power metal track and I need more of it. It's rare to find songs like this on the Metal Monks page, so when I saw it, I had to give it a listen, and I'm so glad I did. Their frontwoman has such a strong voice and I need more of it.

18) Eluveitie - Rebirth

This is their first metal single with the new lineup and I'm not mad at it. I was worried I wasn't going to like their new female singer as much as Anna, but she definitely fits very well. And it's also really great to hear a ballbuster that's reminiscent to some of their earlier stuff.

19) The Hardkiss - Part of Me

I was on a huge The Hardkiss kick for a minute and this was the main song I was jamming to. It's so catchy and fun and the bridge gets me every time. I wonder if they'll go back to having the obnoxiously artsy videos like they did back during the Stones and Honey days, because those were always fun to look at.

20) Aura's Seers - In Our Minds

This is their latest song and it's gorgeous. I LOVE the blend of trip hop with atmospheric metal. It has such a weird and beautiful contrast. And the video is breathtakingly beautiful. I can't wait to hear a full length album from them.

21) Lil Peep - The Brightside

It's so sad that he's past away. Especially since I discovered him maybe a month beforehand. This was the second song I heard from him and it really hits hard with what's going on right now. This song embodies the struggles he was going through. But even though things were really rough for him, he always wanted to look on the brightside. Even if he couldn't, he wanted his fans to at least do so with whatever situation they were/are going through.

22) Navarone - Step by Step

I discovered these guys a while back through either Marcela Bovio or Dianne Van Giersbergen and I really dig their sound. They're very different compared to majority of the Dutch bands I listen to. I guess you could say it's prog, but it's definitely not metal by any means. Such a fun song and a great jam. Really am looking forward to hearing more from these guys.

23) Johari - Bloom

Found a new gem on Spaceuntravel. These guys are ambient progressive metal that remind me a lot of Ashe O'hara's era with Tesseract. It has this soft, but in your face vibe to it that I really like. I'm definitely am gonna be listening to their new album sometime soon, because this song is just so great that I need to hear more from them.

24) Maidens of the North - Carry Your Darkness

Randomly came across this song one day and decided to check it out. I’m so glad I did. This song is so great. An all girl symphonic metal band. Do you know how hard it is to find an all girl metal band? Very! I’m definitely looking forward to what they release in the future, because this song alone is amazing.

25) Snovonne - Filth

For some reason this song reminds me of a Manson song, but it's nothing like a Manson. I came across them through a Facebook page and instantly fell in love with the bizarre and creepy atmosphere. It's so different from what I'm used to hearing from gothic metal bands that have a symphonic element to it. Definitely am gonna check out more from them.

That's it! There's probably gonna be a lot next time, so here's your warning!

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ghostbustermelanieking · 7 years

Text

joy to the world

prompt: mulder and scully get william back as a baby/toddler

They've grown apart in the recent weeks.

The first few days were a whirlwind of time on the run, in the car. Suffocating space, Scully clutching his hand in both of hers over the console. Pressed together under hotel comforters, holding each other tightly. They didn't talk about their son, and it was okay. Their son remains the inevitable ghost between them, even though he is not dead. There are so many dead people between them - the dead are not lost to us, he said, and they aren’t, but William is not dead and is lost. He’s out there somewhere, and the selfish part of Mulder is angry. The selfless part is glad he is safe above all else. But the selfish part wins out too often. He wants to know, wants him back.

They didn’t talk about their son, and then Mulder made the mistake of asking about him one night, when they were sitting on the bed together, curled into each other. Because he wants to know. He immediately wished he hadn’t. The things left unsaid between them hung heavy, but at least they were still void, thoughtless ideas. Now it was real and solidified. They had to face it.

Her jaw had clenched and she huddled back against the hotel pillows, away from him. She let go of his hand. “I can't talk about that,” she muttered through clenched teeth.

“Scully, please…” he tried, his voice thinning out. (He didn't - doesn't - blame her, but he couldn't stop picturing his son. In the hands of cultists. Monsters who want him dead. Blood on the pillow. And the inevitable question: is he really safe?) “I need to know…”

“I can't,” she said fiercely. “I can’t do it, Mulder. Please don’t ask me about him again.”

She swung her legs over the side of the bed and walked into the bathroom without another word. He could hear her crying through the door a few minutes later. He didn't try to comfort her. He didn't know what he could say that would comfort her, and a very small part of him resented her. His son. He'd never see his son again. He didn't know what to say.

So they've grown apart, because he asked and she had no answer. Because he left and left and she had no choice. Because she gave away his son while he was gone. There's a chasm, and Mulder has no idea how to repair it. He loves her, needs her. But the resentment is there, in both of them, and he doesn't know how to get past it.

He doesn't know if they can.

---

The Van de Kamps and their temporary son. Now there's some shit that can go on a holiday card.

They (the Van de Kamps) have been the protectors for such a long time that they would've suspected that the kids would start to run together at this point. But they've remembered all of their (temporary) kids by name, age, personality. They are halfway parents, foster parents in the fight for the apocalypse, and they house the experiments, the abductees. The children of abductees.

“I didn't mean to get attached to him,” Lillian Van de Kamp says quietly one night when she's feeding William Scully, another one of their temporary children.

Her husband kisses the top of her head, squeezing her shoulder. “You never do, hon,” he says softly. “But we both do it anyway. I know it's hard.”

They never intended to be this, temporary caretakers for the fighters of a government conspiracy. But that was before Lillian’s cousin, one Susanne Modeski, disappeared off the face of the earth. She reappeared years later and told them her story. What was going on in the government. What they could do to stop it. And the Van de Kamps, quiet Wyoming farmers with boring lives, had agreed.

Lillian and Susanne had been as close as sisters growing up. She couldn't deny her anything. “This is important, Toby,” she'd told her husband the night they'd decided. “We can make a difference in the world. Save people.”

Toby had been sitting on the floor, looking at the papers Susanne had brought. The proof. “Jesus Christ, Lil,” he'd muttered. “What are we getting ourselves into?”

“You don't want to do it?” she asked him from the bed.

“Of course I want to do it,” he sighed. And so they did.

They couldn't do much - they were untrained, better to stay off the radar and out of suspicion. But their isolation worked in their favor. So the Van de Kamp farm became a safe house - for fugitives from the shadowy Syndicate, mainly. A lot of kids who didn’t have anyone to keep them safe. Lillian had guest rooms made over with fluffy beds and toys and books, like she was a favorite aunt with a rotating number of nieces and nephews. (That's how she thought of herself, at least. It helped. It helped a little.)

They hadn't had any guests for a while when Susanne called. Her fiance and his two best friends, she said, had just faked their deaths and dropped off the map. The ones who knew Fox Mulder, of MUFON fame, and whose current whereabouts were unknown. They'd gotten intel that Mulder's son was in constant danger. And that his mother, Dana Scully (of similar MUFON fame), was planning to give him up for adoption to keep him safe. “John doesn't think it's a good idea,” Susanne said. “He says Scully isn't thinking straight - and besides that, it's unlikely that the child will be safer with a family who has no idea how to protect him. Frohike and Langly say they can hack into the adoption agency's mainframe and put your name on the waiting list and bump you up so you'll be the ones to adopt William. Temporarily, at least. Will you take him?”

Lillian had leaned against the kitchen counter hard, twisting the phone cord around her finger. A baby. She wondered if it'd be any easier to let go if it was a baby. Probably not, she rationalized, but that wasn't going to stop her. “Of course,” she said. “Tell me what we need to do.”

There were certain benefits to being a part of this unofficial project, including guaranteed protection if/when the apocalypse struck. There were also certain painful things involve. Lillian and Toby bought a crib for their temporary baby. Toys, clothes, baby food stocking their fridge. They took on the persona of parents about to adopt a baby boy. (Toby even put on the act of being concerned that the birth mother gave him up, an extra little flair.) And so it went. William Scully moved into their house, and Lillian tried her best to be a good aunt/temporary mother figure.

(“You're not staying here forever,” she told William firmly his first night. “You're going back to your parents eventually.”

“Gaaa,” he'd replied, tugging a handful of her shirt. And that was that.)

The MUFON chat rooms would be buzzing if they knew that Fox Mulder and Dana Scully's son was staying in their house. Agents Mulder and Scully are practically celebrities in the MUFON community, and the lore concerning their son is plentiful. “This kid has got so many powers, I'm surprised he's not Jesus,” Toby had joked when doing research on him, and Lillian had shot him a glare from the doorway. But William isn't the Messiah, or anything resembling it. He's just William. A normal kid like Toby’s sister's kids. A kid who likes to play and listen to old music and crawl around the living room. A kid who might be in danger, but who is still a kid. Lillian is a bit starstruck at first (okay, yes, she's done her research on the famed X-Files), but it fades quickly. They fall into some sort of normal. They've done this a thousand times before, but it doesn't get any easier. It's impossible not to love him, like it's impossible not to love all the other kids that come through. They just… do.

One night, they are watching the news and it is announced that former FBI agent Fox Mulder has been arrested for the murder of a military man. “Oh my God!” Lillian gasps, dropping her knitting.

Toby is bouncing William on his knee. When he sees the screen, he says, “There's your dad, kid,” in an affectionate tone. William gnaws his finger in reply.

“Toby,” Lillian says, part disapproving and part concerned, gathering the tangle of yarn in her lap. Susanne and John Byers had told them that William would only be with them until they could locate Mulder and reunite him with Agent Scully when it was safe. “What does this mean?” If Mulder's arrested - or god forbid, executed - that won't be possible. William would need to stay.

Toby’s silent for a minute. “I don't know, Lil,” he says finally. He strokes William's downy head. “But you know us. We'll go with the flow.”

A week and a half later, the news is announcing Death Row Criminal Fox Mulder's Mysterious Escape From Federal Prison (Former Partner and Mother of His Child, Dana Scully, Also Missing), and Lillian feels a thunk of something between relief and disappointment in the pit of her stomach. “You'll be going home soon,” she whispers to the top of William's head, trying to push aside her tangled emotions.

And sure enough, Susanne is showing up at their doorstep a few weeks later. “John says it's safe,” she tells them in the kitchen, when Toby has William in the high chair and a spoonful of pureed carrots in his mouth. “I've come to take him back to Mulder and Scully.”

William squeals, as if he knows what's going on, and knocks the baby food over. Lillian blinks like she's surprised.

She's used to this, she's packed up more than one kid, made them a sandwich and kissed their heads and sent them into the dark with mysterious Susanne. But William is so little. I didn't mean to get attached to him, she had said, and Toby had said, I know, hon. But she did, of course. She did.

“I'm coming with you,” she says. “I want to make sure he gets to his parents safe.”

Susanne barely bats an eye, tells her to make sure to get the gun. Toby wants to argue, though, follows her into William's room while she packs his things. “Hon, are you sure…” he starts, uncertainly.

“I need to do this, Tobe.” She folds onesie after onesie.

His hand brushes her hip. “Lil, you're not his mother,” he says softly.

Technically, I should be, she thinks darkly. His mother gave him up, even if it was for his safety. Even if she is Dana Scully. She might not want him. I want him, the same way I've wanted every kid before him to stay forever. I want to raise him. I want to knit him mittens.

“I know,” she finally replies. “But I owe him something. I can do this. I can see this through.”

Her husband wraps his arms around her from behind, burying his head in the space between her shoulder blades. “We'll be parents someday,” he mumbles. “And right now, we're making a difference. You know we are. These kids need us.”

She kisses the fleshy spot below his thumb. “I know,” she whispers. She takes his hand and squeezes it. “Go feed William. It'll be a long trip.”

Lillian Van de Kamp packs clothes, toys, his favorite pacifier that his mother sent with him, in a tiny suitcase. She dresses William in the UFO onesie he'd worn his first night here (she has a love of the ironic) and a hat covered in stars. She lets Toby say goodbye at the door and straps the baby into his car seat. I'll take care of you, she thinks. All the way to the end.

---

Lillian knits all the way to Delaware. She's making William mittens. She and Susanne and William stay in several hotel rooms. They stop at the sights briefly, and Lillian holds William up so he can see. He waves his fist excitedly at every single one.

They find Fox Mulder at a convenience store in the middle of the night three days later. He's dressed nothing like his pictures, bearded and worn jacket instead of suit and neat haircut, shoulders slumped. Defeated. Lillian holds William on her hip and watches him from the car. There's your daddy, she thinks, but doesn't say it out loud. She just now wonders if he's a good father.

“This is the best chance we'll have, “ Susanne is whispering, pulling her sleeve. “Let's go…”

Lillian climbs out of the car with the baby on her hip and her purse with a gun inside dangling from one arm. She follows Fox Mulder quietly. He doesn't turn back to look at her, heads straight to his car with a brown paper bag in his arms. Maybe he's used to being followed. “Agent Fox Mulder?” she calls.

The paper bag hits the ground. The cornered man has his gun pulled on her before she can blink twice. But his eyes widen when he turns and sees the baby. His hands tremble.

“Don'tshoot,” Lillian gasps. Her arms tighten around William. “I'm on your side, it's okay. Please don't shoot.”

Mulder wordlessly drops the gun. His eyes are fixated on the baby. William gurgles and tucks a handful of her hair. She sways slightly to try and keep him calm, keeping her eyes on Mulder. “I'm on your side,” she repeats. “I've been keeping your son safe for you.”

Mulder is nearly trembling. “My son?” he repeats softly. A question.

Susanne materializes at her side. “I can vouch for Lil, Agent Mulder,” she says. “She's my cousin.”

Mulder's eyes swivel, somewhat reluctantly, to Susanne. “Susanne Modeski?” he asks, dumbfounded. “What… how the hell?”

“It's a long story,” she says. “I have confirmation you can trust us, though. Old friends.”

Susanne steps closer and passes Mulder a cell phone. Cautiously, he takes it and brings it to his ear, saying, “Hello?” He listens to a minute before laughing tearfully. “Fuck you, I thought you were dead,” he mumbles, a small smile breaking out on his face. “All of you are all right? All of you?” He sighs. “Thank fuck. I thought… I should've known you bastards were behind it all. Scully's going to be so relieved…” His voice cracks and he stops. His eyes are riveted on William once again. He has some look of awe and immense relief on his face.

Mulder talks on the phone for a few more minutes before hanging up and passing the phone back to Susanne. “The guys…” He stops, voice shaking, and clears his throat before starting again. “The guys said we could trust you. They said…” He's addressing Lillian directly now. “They said you and your husband took care of William. That you kept him safe.”

“We did,” Lillian says. She strokes William's head, unable to help herself. “It was our pleasure.”

Mulder's eyes slip closed. “I don't know how to thank you,” he whispers.

“Thank you… for fighting what's right. To keep people safe.” This is the correct answer. And this would be the correct time to hand William over, but she's afraid she won't be able to. That she won’t be able to let go. But Agent Mulder is watching her, almost has his arms held out expectantly. She presses a long kiss to William's head (which is probably impolite, but she doesn't particularly care) before handing him over.

Mulder cradles him gingerly, like he's afraid William will break, but the love is there, visible and immense, on his face. “He's so big,” he mutters lovingly. “I haven't seen him since he was three days old.”

Lillian tries to be selfless. She reaches out and touches William's soft cheek. “Mr. Mulder,” she says. “I know it can't be easy to think about other people taking care of your son. But understand that we would do anything for William, if needed. And if it's ever not safe again… if William or you or William's mother ever need somewhere to go, to hide… know that any of you are welcome at our farm.” She means it. Sincerely.

Mulder presses his nose into his son's head and thanks her again. He's still trembling, but he holds his son close. William looks slightly confused, but not uncomfortable. He pats his father's shoulder with a tiny hand. Lillian tries not to cry.

Susanne quickly transfers the suitcases to Mulder's car, and Lillian moves the car seat and demonstrates to Mulder how to strap him in. Mulder looks embarrassed at his parental incompetence. “His mother will know how…” he explains sheepishly. “I'll get better. I want to do right by him.”

“I know you do,” Lillian says. She thinks she finally feels better about leaving William. He'll be in good hands.

Mulder checks on William about ten times before shaking Susanne’s and Lillian’s hands. “I don't know how to thank you,” he keeps saying.

“John says that they'll be in touch,” Susanne says. Her engagement ring glints in the dim streetlamps. “He says there's things to discuss, later. Right now you and Scully need to get to safety.”

“Right, right,” Mulder says. He checks on William one more time before climbing into the front seat and pulling away. Lillian suddenly notices he forgot his groceries.

She goes back to knitting in the car. Something for the next kid that will grace her doorstep. She will move on, eventually. But still, tears sting the corner of her eyes.

Susanne’s phone rings and she talks as she drives. Lillian tries not to listen. Knit one purl two. “Got another kid for you, Lil,” Susanne says when she hangs up. “Permanent this time.”

Lillian’s heart flutters in her chest. “Permanent?” she whispers, not daring to hope.

“Older kid named Gibson Praise. You've probably heard of him - the chess prodigy who can read minds. His parents have no interest in him, and he needs a stable home. I told John we had a safe place for him.”

A permanent resident. An older kid, sure, but one who might not have to leave in the middle of the night. Someone else to help. Someone they might could be parents to. It's something.

Lillian smiles broadly, yarn tangling around her fingers. “Of course. Of course you do.”

---

Mulder drives probably more careful than he's ever driven in his life. He looks constantly back at William, who seems content strapped into his car seat. Not scared. Mulder, however, is terrified. Terrified of hurting his son. Terrified of fucking this up. Terrified that someone will come to take him away from them. He doesn’t think he could handle losing his son again.

His hands shake the entire way back to the hotel, and they don't quite stop until he gets out of the car and rounds it to scoop William up into his arms. The kid looks slightly suspicious, but exhaustion outweighs it and he rests his head against Mulder's shoulder wearily. Mulder kisses his small furrowed forehead. “Your mom's right inside,” he whispers.

“Maaaa.”

“Uh-huh. She's missed you.” He rubs William's little back. “I've missed you, too, buddy,” he whispers. “So much.” William tips his head onto Mulder's collarbone and looks at up with Scully's bright blue eyes. Mulder kisses him again before turning towards the shabby hotel room.

Scully is asleep in a tangle of blankets when he gets in, dark hair just barely visible over the dusty comforter. “Scully,” Mulder whispers, trying not to scare William. “Hey, Scully, it's me.”

“Mmf,” she mutters, not looking up. “Not now, Mulder. I'm exhausted.”

“Scully…” he tries.

“I can't do this right now!” Her voice snaps across the room, loud and angry, and William jolts in surprise, eyes wide. He whimpers, loud enough to hear, and Scully freezes. Mulder can't see her face, but he can tell she's awake. Knows she's heard the sound and recognized it. Their son.

“Scully,” he says again, softer. “I've got William here with me.”

The comforter moves, Scully shoving it aside and struggling to sit up. “William?” she whispers tearfully, searching the room, eyes full of terror.

Mulder approaches the bed carefully. “William,” he confirms. “He's right here, Scully, he's just fine.”

She sniffles, sitting up on the bed. Her eyes are fixed on William, but she makes no move to take him. “How?” she whispers. “Mulder, what…”

“His guardians were allies of ours. Cousin of Susanne Modeski, remember her, Scully… Scully, the Gunmen are alive. I talked to them.” She covers her mouth with one hand, a tear trickling down her cheek. “They kept him safe for us,” Mulder says softly. “And then they brought him here.”

Scully reaches for him all at once and Mulder shifts him forward. William still looks confused for a split second before he recognizes her - she's dyed her hair, but underneath it all she is still Scully, still his mother - and he eagerly snuggles into her. Scully is crying, about two steps away from hysterical, and hugging him tightly. She kisses him again and again, whispering his name to the top of his head: “William, William, William…”

“Mama,” William says, tugging Scully's t-shirt in his tiny fist. “Mamama…”

Scully sniffles, pressing her nose to his head. “Scully,” Mulder whispers, touching her hair. “Scully…” He leans in to kiss her forehead, cupping William's head in his palm. (He can't believe they're both here.) “Was that… were those… was that his first word?”

Scully sniffles again. “It's not his first word,” she whispers, rocking William. The mattress ripples with their motions. “He's just babbling… and whether it is or it isn't, I wouldn't know, Mulder, because I haven't seen him for months… I gave him away. God. I gave him away.”

He's crying, too, his eyes and nose burning. “Shh,” he tries to soothe, wrapping his arms around them both. Scully tucks her head into the crook of his neck, still clutching William tightly, and William leans back into his chest with ease. “It's okay, Scully,” he whispers.

She's shaking with the force of her sobs. “Don't you realize, Mulder, that if the, the Gunmen or whoever hadn't interfered that we never would've seen him again? Our son. And it's my fault… I sent him away, my god.” A prayer to God or to William, he isn't sure. But she is asking forgiveness either way.

“You just wanted to keep him safe,” Mulder whispers. William's little nose is turned into his chest, and the small contact makes him want to shatter. He sniffles. “You can't… can't fault yourself for that.”

“I regretted it,” Scully says. Her shoulders tremble under his arms. “As soon as that social worker took him away, I regretted it… I wanted to tell her to come back, that I'd changed my mind…”

“I know, I know.” He cups the back of her head, stroking her hair with his thumbs.

“You resented me,” she mumbles. “You blamed me, I know you did.”

It's true. He doesn't want to say it, but it's true. “He's here now,” he says instead.

“So it's easy for you to forgive me because you don't have to face what I did.”

“I would've forgiven you either way,” he says, and he would've. He would've, eventually - maybe because he needed her and he didn't have a choice, but he would've. “It was as much my fault as yours. I left you. I left you. You didn't have a choice. We both fucked up, but it's in the past. We can't change it. And he's here now. What happened before doesn't matter because he's here and he's just fine.” He pulls back a little bit to kiss the top of William's head. His tears dot his son's downy hair. “He's perfect, Scully. Look what we did.” Mulder thumbs a tear away from the corner of her eye.

“He's so perfect,” Scully whispers. “I never should've let him go.”

“It's okay.” He strokes her cheek. “It's over now. We can put it behind us and move on.”

“Mulder…”

“I love you.” He kisses her, slowly, on the mouth, and then William again on the top of the head. “I forgive you. William forgives you. It's okay.”

Scully sniffles, kisses him before lowering her face back to William's head. “I'm so sorry, baby,” she whispers. “I'm so, so sorry.”

“Mama,” says William, patting her face. Scully laughs a tear-choked laugh and scoots backwards on the bed to lean against the pillows. Mulder crawls in beside her, wrapping his arms back around her. Scully leans into him. He holds her and she holds their son and they sit there like that for a long, long time.

William dozes off sweetly on his mother's chest, little fingers tangled into her hair. Scully falls asleep, too, her head lolling against Mulder's shoulder. Mulder arranges the blankets over them. It's one of the more peaceful moments in his life. And the happiest - definitely one of the happiest. He loves them both so much it hurts. It seems, in the moment, like the entire world, right here in this hotel room. His whole family.

It was hard to decide how to portray the Van de Kamps here, since I wanted to do it in a way that was fair to them. Making them allies who were keeping William safe seemed like the smartest route. It was interesting to explore this alternative possibility and characterize the VDKs as such.

#i wrote this #xf fanfic

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lizzyc807shipscaptainswan · 7 years

Text

Jones Family Candy Store :8/8

Merry Christmas @liamjcnes from your CS Secret Santa. This is the final chapter.

The Jones Family Candy store has been a staple of the town and families during the holidays. The Jones brothers inherited the shop and have decided to rejuvenate and renovate the shop as well as launch a web presence by the holidays. In the process these brothers get knocked off their feet by a couple of strong, kind-hearted women. Will they be able to complete this project and win their hearts at the same time?

Parts 1-4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7

FF AO3

The weeks that followed were the busiest that the store had ever been. Their customers loved the new changes in the shop, especially the children. While Emma couldn’t be with him in person they kept in contact via text when they could. She and Elsa were also busy with their new client. Their work schedules made it difficult for them to get together but they made it work. They were closer than ever even though they were apart.

They each vowed to treasure the moments they could get. They grabbed quick lunches together or had late night dates. His favorite were the latter because they would end up falling asleep together out of exhaustion while watching Netflix.

The night’s he wasn’t with Emma he spent in the shop making candy. He enjoyed his work but with the internet orders coming in too he needed help. Even Liam tried to help one evening, the man was just not good in the kitchen. After Liam’s disastrous evening covered in chocolate he agreed to hire on additional chocolatiers to help fulfill the orders for the season. If Liam’s projections for the website sales were correct, they planned to keep them on full time. They were both hopeful that would be the case.

He was looking forward to the holidays this year for two reasons, he’d get to spend them with Emma and it also meant the end of the holiday shopping season which would require less of him in the store. January was typically a lighter month, many of their patrons tried to get rid of the extra pounds of holiday weight they’d gained so they tried to avoid stepping into the shop, at least until Valentine ’s Day.

The introduction of the web orders might change this but if not they had the tourist crowd and the regulars to keep them afloat. He also knew that historically after the holidays was the best time to take a vacation. Based on Emma’s calculations, which he learned were spot on, her project would be wrapping up too. He was counting on it because he’d already booked an island trip for them.

It was something he’d always wanted to do and in fact they’d be cruising on a fantasy pirate boat for part of it called The Jolly Roger. That part of the trip even included fantasy costumes that they could wear on board to make it more authentic. That just made his decision even easier since he’d always loved Pirate lore. The thought of Emma dressed as a wench was also a plus. They just had to make it through these next few weeks and it would all play out.

He only needed to get his fool of a brother to act on his feelings for Elsa. He couldn’t believe he still hadn’t asked the woman out on a date. He’d kept them out of the conversation with Emma for a while but one night he broke the brotherly code and asked her.

Apparently Elsa was also “frozen” in this regard. She’d also been considering asking Liam for a date but was afraid he’d think it was too forward. He laughed at the fact that his brother was such a traditional stubborn arse and that Elsa was perfect for him.

They devised a plan to get them together. He was to call Emma and tell her there were problems with the website that he needed Elsa to address right away. Emma was going to make sure they were having lunch in town close enough to the shop so that Elsa would show up in person to fix it.

Emma had to pick the only restaurant close enough to them without Wifi, Granny’s. She wasn’t having any of that newfangled technology in her establishment. Emma had also gotten Elsa addicted to Granny’s onion rings so she figured Elsa wouldn’t fight her on the choice.

He went into the shop just like any other morning. He was mid-way through the routine when Liam arrived with coffee. “Good Morning Brother. Coffee for me?”

Liam nodded. “Granny said to say Hello and thanks for the pralines. They went perfectly with her caramel cheesecake special yesterday.”

Killian smiled. ”Did you bring me a slice?”

Liam pat him on the shoulder. “She sold out in the first hour.”

“Oh well. Scarlett’s in back getting boxes ready for shipment.”

Liam smiled. “Glad to hear it. What about your new guys?”

“Lumiere is in back. He’s already mid-way done the batch of orders that came in yesterday and Nemo is due in later today. I still can’t believe how lucky we are to have found them. Their work is impeccable.”

“It is. Any word from Emma and Elsa on the project?”

He knew that Liam was really looking to hear more about Elsa, what a stubborn arse. He decided to play with him a little. “The ladies are doing fine. Emma said that there is a guy from the business next door to where they are working that keeps hitting on Elsa.”

Liam turned to face him with his eyebrow raised. “Is that so? Do you think she likes him?”

“Aye but Emma doesn’t think she is interested in him.”

Liam seemed to relax after his comment but he knew that little poke might have done the trick. “I’m going to head in back to help Lumi. We should have those orders complete by closing so Scarlett can ship tomorrow.”

Liam nodded. “Ok, I’ll take care of things out here. “

He smiled to himself and head to the back. “Great, Thanks for the coffee.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just as they planned he got a text message from Emma at lunch time. He’d stayed in the back deliberately to ensure that Liam did not leave the shop. He placed the call to Emma to set things in motion. He knew that if Liam saw Elsa he’d have to make a move, especially if he thought another man might do it first.

They couldn’t have planned it any better. As soon as Elsa heard about the problem she jumped up quickly and gathered her things. Emma couldn’t hardly text him fast enough to let him know at the pace Elsa was walking.

He rushed out front to be there when they came in. “Hey Little Brother, all finished? I’m famished and thinking about going out for a bite.”

He was just about to answer when the women rushed in and interrupted him. “Liam, I’m so sorry. Let me check into this right away. Can I use your office?” said Elsa.

Liam’s expression of shock forced him to look away. He was afraid he’d burst out in a fit of laughter if he looked at him.

Liam moved from behind the counter to greet her. “Ah, Elsa. I’m happy to see you but I have no idea what you are talking about.”

Emma had joined him in the corner, not looking at the confused pair.

“Killian called and said the website was down, that the orders weren’t going through.” Said Elsa.

“Brother, what is the meaning of this?” asked Liam.

He looked at Emma and her grin was as bad as his. They turned around to face them. “Ah, well you see I just thought, well we just thought that you two might enjoy some time together.” He never saw two people get red in the face faster but thankfully his brother stepped up.

Liam turned to face Elsa. “He’s right. I’ve missed you these past few weeks. I’ve wanted to call but I was just afraid you didn’t think of me like that.”

Elsa’s eyes widened. “Liam, I feel the same way and of course I think of you like that. You are the best person I’ve ever met.”

Liam smiled softly. “I feel the same of you. I should have asked you sooner. I’m a fool and I hope you can forgive me.”

“Of course. How about we go out tonight and you can make it up to me?” asked Elsa.

Liam laughed. “Sounds good. I’ve got the perfect place.”

“Any clues?”

“I think I’ll take a page out of my brother’s book and surprise you.”

Elsa nodded.” Pick me up at 7?”

“Sounds good.”

Emma was leaning into his side with her arm wrapped around him. They’d both just witnessed the most stubborn people they know finally get together. It just felt right to have her there by his side. He looked over to his Grandfather’s picture on the wall and smiled. This shop was truly magical just as he’d always thought.

#cs ff #cs au ff #cs fanfic #captain swan #emma swan #killian jones #jones family candy store

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kelsieengen · 4 years

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Today on the blog I’m thrilled to have an author interview. I’m part of a new JL Anthology that releases later this month, and some of us are participating in a blog tour with interviews. If you’ve been following along, thanks for joining us today. If you haven’t been following along, then check out the prior interview, here.

Thanks so much for joining me on the blog today, Shannon! I’m so excited to have you here! I gotta say, I loved your short story based on the Emperor’s New Clothes… “An Empire of Fools” was awesome, so I’m thrilled to get to have the chance to interview you today regarding your new short story, “Sands”!

Okay, first, some icebreaker questions:

Q: What is your favorite hobby? (Besides reading and writing.)

A: I like to keep busy with home improvement projects. Shelves, painting, upholstery… maybe I should make a bookshelf. Also way too much Netflix than is healthy for an aspiring writer. Looking forward for when the kids are older so I can get back into martial arts.

Q: Ohh, maybe I should have you over to my house to do some home improvements for me! What are two things that not many people know about you?

A: Not many people know that I write. And that I enjoy making banana bread to cheer people up.

Q: And how did you get started writing?

A: I took the first step. Write a word. Then I just didn’t stop. Then I realized that it was all wrong and writing is really in the editing and planning. So then I wrote another word–then another. I started writing the same way everyone else can; instead of saying “I’ll get to that novel someday,” I said, “I’ll get to that novel.”

Q: Awesome. I’m so glad you finally decided to pick up the pen and start! Okay, now on to the “real” questions about your upcoming release. What inspired you to retell/write this legend?

A: Being an immigrant working between two worlds myself, I wanted to explore the duality of what it meant to be two different people as a whole of yourself. In my life, names play a great part of what defines you, and while researching myths to write about for the most recent anthology, I came across the Egyptian myth of Isis and Ra. In one version of this myth, Isis poisons Ra with a snake and compels him to tell her his true name, giving her power over him, in exchange for the antidote.

This inspired me to use names as a stepping stone to work through two main characters that were torn between each other and who lived two different lives depending on the name they themselves decided held power over them. In the modern sense, it was easy to choose the children of Chinese immigrants to America on a study abroad trip to Egypt to accomplish the story.

Q: So what did you wish to accomplish with your retelling? What feeling did you want your reader to walk away with?

A: I wanted a reader to seek the true story. The myth worked as a nice window-dressing for the underlying story of a torn family, and ultimately helps the two main characters overcome their animosity toward each other. I hope the reader comes away from the story learning that not everything is set at face value, and sometimes the answers we seek are buried deep within.

Q: That’s so true, and one of the reasons I love “Sands.” Now, I know you’ve written retellings before, but how do you find them different from writing other types of stories? Are they easier or harder than coming up with a story from scratch?

A: I find myself trying to keep the heart of the original story at the core of my retelling, staying as true to the source material as I can while offering a new spin on it. I feel that straying too far from the source moves a story from “retelling,” to “inspired by,” and if it strays too far, “an original story with elements of X.” If I change a character’s name and the original story is nowhere to be found, then for me, I have failed at a retelling. Of course, that’s just my policy, and I do enjoy original, fresh takes on old tales.

Retellings are no more easier or harder than original stories, I think. Each story needs scaffolding to build upon. Even if that scaffolding has been erected before you begin building, it still needs to be torn down and examined to make your own home.

Q: Were there any difficulties in writing “Sands”? How did you overcome them?

A: So many. I had trouble telling the story without blatantly saying outright what the characters were feeling, their family history, and their past. I wanted to keep it ambiguous, but while still dropping enough hints for the reader to figure everything out. I fought back and forth putting things in and taking things out. Ultimately, I allowed the judgements of beta readers to guide my final edits. If anyone said “I want more info, but I THINK this happened…” I knew I was on the right track. If a reader told me they couldn’t make heads or tails of what I was on about, I revised. Admittedly, this was one of the harder stories I’ve had to write.

Q: What draws you to retellings/legends?

A: I’m a fantasy enthusiast at heart, so anything with other worldly charm draws me to it. I get enough modernity in my life–I’d rather read about the impossible.

Q: Where would a reader look if they wanted to know more about the legend you used?

A: The myths themselves are a bit jumbled, being so old and written and rewritten by the ancient Egyptians depending on what God was popular at the time, so I based my retelling on several myths, including the journey of Ra across the sky, Sekhmet and Hathor, the eyes of Ra (another bit of duality), how the murderous rampage of Sekhmet was calmed with beer, the unmaking of the world through Atum, how Isis obtained Ra’s true name and how it gave her power, and others sprinkled about the story to be discovered. A quick visit to your local library could house hundreds of different variations of the myths.

Q: Who (book or author) inspires you, your writing, or this story? What is it about them that inspired you?

A: I’ve always been inspired by Stephen King. While I don’t write horror, I enjoy his process and his ability to tell a straightforward, character-filled story. He inspires me by creating something from nothing, and then twisting it into something else entirely.

Q: If a reader wished to read more by you, where would they find you and your writing?

A: They can check out earlier anthologies. I contributed to JLA8 with the whimsical “Of Orphans and Magic” and, as mentioned, JLA7 “An Empire of Fools.” I occasionally release shorts on my dust-gathering wordpress site, https://syfieldwrites.wordpress.com/, which honestly I promised I would update for sure soon.

Q: Are your other pieces similar to your legend?

A: I try to create tones with stories like a musician develops songs. So while all my other works (and works in progress) have similar beats, the music is unique to each. It’s all about that underlying rhythm.

Q: If not, what can the reader expect from your other pieces?

A: Whatever moves me at the moment. 🙂

Thanks SO MUCH for joining me on my blog today. I’m so glad to have you here. It’s been amazing to learn how another writer works and to know that we aren’t alone with our struggles in writing.

Don’t forget! Our new anthology is out the end of April (the 27th to be exact), and there are more author interviews to check out, linked below. Follow the blog tour by checking back sometime next week,

Shannon Yukumi works as an interpreter and translator, ghost writes, creates fiction in their spare time, and parents two children in Japan. Language tends to get away from them, but they claim that that isn’t their fault.

Feel free to poke around their Twitter account (@WritesSy) or website (https://syfieldwrites.wordpress.com).

Blog: https://syfieldwrites.wordpress.com

Twitter: @WritesSy

You can find Shannon’s other works here:

“An Empire of Fools,” Fractured Ever After, Rowanwood Publishing, LLC

“Of Orphans and Magic,” The Magic Within, Rowanwood Publishing, LLC

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In case you missed the other interviews:

https://83louross.wordpress.com/2020/03/30/author-interview-renee-frey/

https://blog.reneefreyauthor.com/2020/04/author-interview-i-love-reading-and-i.html

Seeds of Lore

Steeped in tradition and universal truths, mythology and folklore are two sides of the same coin. In this collection, nine stories reshape such legends into new tales brimming with adventure and magic.

Deities don’t always have the answers: a mother goddess and her loyal queen bee search for a cure as the land withers around them; a war goddess chooses a mortal champion, but her gift of power comes at a price; and a grieving god travels to the underworld to rescue his best friend.

The trickery of fae is a legend of its own: a clever young man must outwit a wily leprechaun; a lost girl finds herself at the forest queen’s mercy when she stumbles upon a solstice celebration; and a rebellious girl must find her phone after a gnome steals it to punish her disobedience.

Even mortals can become myths in their own right: a determined prince rides out to discover who keeps stealing his father’s golden apples; a dissatisfied youth charged with keeping Excalibur safe fights against the tradition forced upon him; and a teenage boy has mere hours to prevent the end of the world after his father accidentally releases an Egyptian god.

Step into ancient worlds and new locales as you rediscover old truths.

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Author Interview: Shannon Yukumi Today on the blog I'm thrilled to have an author interview. I'm part of a new JL Anthology that releases later this month, and some of us are participating in a blog tour with interviews.

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