#also I’m not arguing on here about your gross ships I’m just blocking on sight

[soviet-history-detective]

What is the cost of not respecting boundaries?

(For those who haven’t seen, Part 1 and Part 2) A quick rundown for the people who are wondering what’s going on: Hello, folks. I am one of the leading Chernobyl/Legasov researchers who runs this youtube channel. I found the audio fragments of Legasov tapes which became quite a hit and received praise from Craig Mazin. Legasov tapes, which the migty HBO couldn’t find with their Russian-speaking consultants and millions of dollars of budget. I found rare photos and pre-Chernobyl videos of Legasov, translated a substantial amount of documentary material on Soviet near history topics, a good chunk of that being on Legasov and Chernobyl.  I am a live and let live kind of person and I was willing to look the other way with the Valoris shipping business cause “they were shipping the tv show characters and fangirling about the actors” so I ignored it and posted historical information, answered questions, unearthed and translated documentary videos and text material.   Then I abruptly stopped and went quiet cause the shipper gang went too far and started writing gross shit, rape fantasies and dragging real people who weren’t even in the tv show into their godawful fics -one of them being someone I highly admire, respect and look up as an inspiration and role model notwithstanding. 

They didn’t stick to Valoris, they had to involve the people who were not in the script at all. People whose names they learned from me. They had the audacity to discuss their fucked up fantasies (which they call headcanons) right under my nose, they couldn’t control themselves since they are completely driven by base animal instincts and some of them are downright sociopaths with no boundaries: Rabid and depraved, driven only by the primitive sexual instincts, with a two digit IQ, no understanding of boundaries, ethics, morals, completely bereft of common respect and decency. It’s creepy as hell -run for the hills kind of creepy.  (When I say no ethics and morals I don’t mean only sexual perversions. One of them is notorious for plagiarizing other people’s content in multiple social media platforms and acting indifferent when called out.) So I got creeped out, grossed out, infuriated, disillusioned and went quiet. Blocked everyone who was associated with Valoris to avoid their gross thirst talks. Blocked the tag too. Stopped posting new finds after the last Legasov video compilation. Stopped translating videos and text material for a long while.

They are way past normal shipping. This is some seriously fucked up shit.  Here are a couple of examples (Warning: Gross content, rape fantasies, scroll past the images and continue reading below if you can’t stomach or are a minor)

Here is more rape:

Their biggest argument is “We are writing fics about the fictionalized tv show characters” which is total and utter bullshit, because:

Nikolai Ryzhkov was not in the tv show at all.

Neither was Vladimir Gubarev. Why are they in those fics?

This isn’t all, there are public posts here where they were bouncing ideas and coming up with the most abhorrent fantasies about a real person who was NOT in the tv show. I don’t have the time to search them, plus they are really gross, you are better off not seeing it. (A paranthesis here: I’m totally indifferent about explicit fics if they involve only fictional characters and not promote rape culture. Just to make things clear.)

If you are using the names of real people, you are shipping real people. Period. I can write a fic using the shipper gang’s names in an alternate reality setting where they are an evil gang of cannibalistic cunts who raid maternity wards and butcher all the babies then burn puppies ad kittens alive for fun. Or I can write a fic where they all get sodomized with saguaro cacti dipped in ghost pepper sauce by sadistic rogue KGB agents. It’s fictionalized versions of them in an alternate universe after all, so it’s totally ok. Right? Well, there really is no point arguing these things, and that is not even the point of this post. I’m just saying it’s fucked up, creepy and wrong in every way. 

Not to mention they bully and gaslight people who speak up against them. Grown ass women bullying a 15 year old and adding a transphobic comment after learning they are trans is NOT COOL. @ihatefandomsfuckyouall can testify as the target of their bullying. That’s wrong and creepy as hell. 

HOWEVER. Like I said in the previous post, this won’t be about a holy jihad against shipping or some big anti-shipper crusade.  Nope, nope and nope with nope sauce.

Ship away, ship all you want, ship till you drop, ship till you turn Fedex green with envy. I am not here to lecture sociopaths driven solely by primitive sexual instincts and bereft of any kind of boundaries, morals, common respect and decency. There is nothing I or anyone can do about it. Like i said, I have no intention of trying to talk sense into anyone or giving sermons. So rest assured that I am well aware it’s pointless and stupid to wage a war against shipping, however gross and vile it is. I can’t stop you from sexualizing anything that walks (or has been long dead) and spewing sick ass fantasies. I will repeat for those with two digit IQ: I know there is nothing I or anyone can do to stop you from doing what you are doing, absolutely nothing. So I will do NOTHING. Got it? Whoever claims otherwise is full of shit, I will do absolutely NOTHING, you got my word 100%.

Seriously I won’t hate on you, I won’t call for holy wars and witch hunts. So, rest assured, I will not make any move against any of you, nope. Besides I don’t have the time for that, I have a busy life and better things to do. No war, no hate, no screaming, no drama, nothing. Is that clear? Capiche? Comprende? Понятно? 

Well, now let’s get to the heart of the matter:

I have been quiet but not idle. I’ve been contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls, digging state archive repositories. I have been finding material and boy did I find material! I happen to be one of the very few people who are blessed with an extraordinary ability to find things no one else can find. You have seen what I can find by utilizing search engines and going through links. Even Craig Mazin himself was mighty impressed with my finds, the proof is out there in public view, I won’t bother digging it up now.

Anyway. It turns out I can find hell of a lot more than that by contacting people, sending queries, making phone calls and digging through state archive repositories. Some of it costs pretty penny but no matter, I don’t mind paying for never-before-published video footage that is not on the internet. Some of it is not even digitized so you gotta pay extra fee for digitization and it can be quite high depending on the video length and media.

We are talking about HD videos here. There is excellent AI video processing software out there which can turn even the most primitive 19th century videos to crystal clear 60 fps HD so we are good. (Example: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HbElEqm1TQ) I have photos that can’t be found by searching the internet. You’d drop dead if you saw some of them. I’m working on getting the full footage of Legasov’s IAEA presentation. It’s hella difficult, you have to personally go to Vienna and go through the seven hells and seven lower hells to obtain access. Also you need to be a research scientist with a reference letter. (All this info and list of requirements can be found on IAEA official site.) I won’t get into the details but I have it all sorted out, scientist and all. It wasn’t easy and it took a damn lot of time, effort, pulling family connections etc. Now the only remaining roadblock is this accursed coronavirus. As soon as the pandemic subsides a trip to Vienna shall be in order. The long Q&A session following Legasov’s report is unfortunately not available, but Legasov’s report certainly is (after fulfilling a laundry list of requirements.)

This is not all. There are photos (in addition to the publicly available ones I posted before) and video footage of Ryzhkov visiting Chernobyl, Legasov’s meetings, partial video of one Polituro meeting. There is this one precious footage where Legasov is laughing and drinking vodka. I won’t even say how many hours of work it took to find that. (Plot twist: I’m not the one who found it!) I have a pile of videos of Ryzhkov when he was the chairman of the council of ministers of the USSR, which are historical records of tremendous importance and not on Youtube. Buddies who have seen them had insta-man crush on him without even hearing my translation. Some of you would KILL for those, I know for a fact. For the Legasov drinking-partying video you would sell your soul to the devil (who wouldn’t?)

I have an IAEA report with an extremely rare photo you can’t find by searching. I won’t tell you who is in it cause I don’t want to supply anything you could use for your gross fics. Suffices to say one of them is someone you are drooling about and the other one is a big shot name that’s not on your radar and will unleash all kinds of fic ideas once you hear it. So nope. I ain’t giving you another Ryzhkov, I learned my lesson. I have video footage of that same man giving high praise to Legasov, talking with a tone of fondness, defending him against accusations. Such a sweet video. It put tears in my eyes. I can see you gang drooling a lake over that one so hell fucking no.  

Did I mention I started translating Legasov documentaries? Every single one on youtube. Including the entire Звезда Полынь. Also planning to convert some Legasov footage to HD using the aforementioned software tools. 

I have actually been posting videos and text material translations left and right, just out of your sight (nice rhyme, isn’t it?) 90% the material I listed above is either in the pipeline or in my hard disk.  @tryingtobealwaystrying can verify. She helped out a great deal with the IAEA business and I owe her one for that. We are both individually damn good at finding stuff but it turned out we can work wonders as a team. As a result, we have a treasure trove of the highest order in hand and in the works. 

And, here is the deal: YOU WILL SEE NONE OF IT.

N.O.N.E.

Not a shred. Not a pixel. Nothing. Ничего. Совсем нет. 

Get it now? “You didn’t see it cause it’s not there!” 

You won’t see it cause it won’t be there! 

So, this is it. I can’t do anything about your shipping scumbaggery but I can cut off your supply and deprive you of material and information. You will NEVER be able to find any of it on your own (let alone afford the fees for.) 

I will deprive you of the fruits of my labor. 

Indefinitely.

Of course that doesn’t mean I’ll keep it all to myself. I will share them but not in public. In fact I have translated and posted some videos you wanted real bad, one of them got 1000 views overnight but they are not public, for my work is not for the eyes of the wicked and unclean miscreants. I post them in shipper-free foreign forums you can’t find and send links privately to decent, wholesome people who are interested in Chernobyl and Soviet history for the passion to learn and admiration for the historical figures, not for spinning depraved fantasies and writing horrendous, projectile-vomit-inducing sex fics. And -as those of you who possess three digit IQ’s might have figured out!- I am not alone in that. (Plot twist FTW!)  Congrats, folks. You managed to alienate and drive away the top Chernobyl-Legasov researchers and translators with your hideous debauchery, extreme scumbaggery and abominable attitude. So, this is your punishment: NOTHING. This is the consequence you will deal with. This is the cost of your choices. 

A big nothing is all you will ever get from now on. 

See, told ya, there is absolutely nothing I can do about your gross shipping and scumbaggery so I will do NOTHING. 

Got the joke? LOL. I have awesome humor don’t I :) 

No more videos. No more photos. No more answers. No more translations. No more information.

You royally fucked up, people. You don’t get to eat the cake and the icing, especially not when you offend and insult the cooks, take a dump in the middle of the restaurant and masturbate while rolling in it. You could have kept it out of sight. You could have exercised some goddamn tact. But no, you had to behave like animals in heat. 

Well, you can continue obsessing over the TV show scripts until you get sick of it.  I will be posting translations of different parts of Soviet history like the WW2 era. You can ship Hitler and Stalin all you want. Get those headcanons rolling! I will even give you a prompt: Stalin cheats on Hitler with Mussolini. LMAO. 

You know what, I take back the not a pixel thing. We may post screenshots from the videos and low-res crops from the photos from time to time just to rub it in your face. 

Here is one where they are grilling Velikhov shortly after Legasov’s suicide. Oh boy you gotta see his face when they start bombarding him about Legasov’s death.... 

Here is the shot from a long video where the legendary Premier Ryzhkov is sporting the legendary 80′s Soviet glasses in all his superlative handsome glory. He is giving an interview about important historical turning points in this video and this isn’t even the best shot. You have to pay to get a copy but before that you need a superpower-like ability to find where it is in the first place. I scaled it up to 1440×1080 but not gonna put the high resolution version cause I’m such a darling.

  Here is Ryzhkov in the famous white work attire of the Soviet era. Looks familiar, yes? Do I need to tell WHERE he is and what he is doing? (Hint: The year is 1986.)

Oh man, oh man. How worried he looks, so heart-wrenching. The footage is only about 3 minutes but absolutely solid gold. I won’t say whether there is Legasov or Scherbina or BOTH of them appearing in this footage cause I’m such a sweetheart.

Unfortunately I am not at liberty to post any Legasov shots cause I am not the finder of the Legasov videos we currently have at hand. Too bad, so sad.  There you go. Enjoy your cold dish of nothing. Bon appetite. Adios amigas!  WHAT IS THE COST OF NOT RESPECTING BOUNDARIES? @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @the--arch @ihatefandomsfuckyouall​ @rarravai​ @weronikaisback​ @live-long-and-time-warp​ @tryingtobealwaystrying​ @chernobylgal86​ 

#chernobyl #valery legasov #legasov #boris scherbina #valoris #chernobyl nuclear disaster #Soviet History #soviet union #ussr #shippers take all the fun out of life #like cockroaches in the picnic #this is why we cant have nice things #ACCESS DENIED #NO SOUP FOR YOU

[hamsolo]

jess! i’m sorry the only time we talk is when i’m asking you for things! i saw you reblogged your star wars fic post and i will take full advantage! could you possibly write a fic with poe dameron as the love interest? if you don’t wanna it’s all good! i’m just super up in my feels about him lately! ❤️❤️

Absolutely! I’m happy to write one for ya, Nic! 

Hope ya like it!

send me an emoji for a SW story!

The casino beyond the golden doors was brimming with beings of all sorts, dancing, laughing and spending all their credits on silly card games. I snorted at the thought of throwing my money away (as of I had any to spare), took a sip of the whiskey I’d ordered and kept an eye at the door. Some old, rich crime boss was of interest to the Resistance and wasn’t I lucky enough to pull a reconnaissance mission?

“Bleugh” I shuddered. This was not the top shelf Coriellian whiskey that I though that I ordered. “Oi!” I tried waving over the gran bartender but to no avail, he was occupied with some wealthy Pantorian and his wife? Girlfriend? Companion? It was hard to tell. I took another sip, forgetting that this whiskey was no good. Ugh, no person important or no, was worth this.

I tried banging on the bartop but instead of quick service, I got a few dirty looks from the tall humanoid creature next to me. 

**Are you trying to attract attention?** a voice hissed in my ear. 

Knocking back the last of the whiskey, I slid off the stool and ventured into the main casino. Settling into an alcove off to the side of the large room, I finally felt safe enough to respond.

 “Are you trying to blow out my eardrums?” I hissed into my comm. 

**If it’ll get you back on track, yes. You almost blew your cover -and also mine- when you started ranting and raving. What was that about anyway?**

“That bartender is an idiot, I got the wrong whiskey if you must know.” I took a final sip. “By the way, how would it blow your cover?” 

**Well, senators don’t rant and rave in Canto Bight, they party. So start. And people did see us enter as a group,  ya know...** I groaned. The voice chuckled, catching on to my mood... **you have no problem with going into a dogfight but a simple night on the town…** he clicked his tongue. 

“But this isn’t a simple- oh excuse me!” I looked up and met the gaze of an older human male. 

“Hello, and who might you be?” 

**Nic-**

“Shhhh!” I hissed.

What was that?” the stranger asked, an eyebrow quirked up in amusement.

Remember your cover story. I took a deep breath. “I-I’m Thallia Mudros.” 

“Oh, the up and coming senator from Teth. You look different in the flesh...I guess holovision adds weight.” Ouch, sorry Thaliia...

“Uh, its all the makeup and this gown” I prayed that the senator was just as flashy a dresser as I was…that is to say, not flashy at all.

Osgun narrowed his eyes a little for a moment, but he seemed to accept my answer (for now, anyway) when he relaxed and started to smile.

“Aww too bad, I was hoping that you were being dragged here and would appreciate a little privacy…” he trailed off suggestively. 

Ugh. Gross. I suddenly felt dirty, which way were our hotel rooms again?

Forcing a smile on my face I replied, “I’m sorry but I don’t go anywhere with strange men.” 

**You don’t go anywhere with any other man…** the voice in my ear grumbled. 

Oh flyboy, you overprotective fool…I can handle myself.

“My name is Jerrick Osgun,” he grabbed my hand and kissed it. Ugh. “There now we’re not strangers.” Osgun looked up with a wolfish grin.

The name sounded familiar, I racked my brain. Wait! Jerrick Osgun is the crime boss we were looking for! “I suppose you’re right.” I smiled, well, I supposed it was more of a grimace but Osgun seemed convinced as he offered his arm.

**Nic what are you doing?** Nosy little…

“Wait, I have to fix the strap on my shoe, I’ll meet you at the bar…okay?” I kissed his cheek for effect. 

“Alright starshine,” he smiled walking off. I waited until he was out of sight to shudder. Boy, was he creepy!

**Nic…** the voice growled.

“Calm down, flyboy…”

**Don’t you flyboy me! Do you know how hard it is to watch you with that guy? He’s not your type at all!**

“He’s not, trust me. As for-”

**I don’t know if I can trust you anymore.**

“If you would just listen to me…”

**It’s so hard to be stuck over here by the sabaac tables with Finn and Rose.** 

“But it’s not…”

**Never thought I’d know how it felt to be a third wheel…**

“POE!”

**What?**

“Just listen to me,” I moved back into an alcove. “Nothing’s going on with anybody, I love you and only you. But this guy, it’s Osgun…I need to follow this lead this may be our only chance.”

Silence.

“I love you.”

**I know.** I could hear the smile in his voice. ** Just promise me you’ll be safe, okay?**

I never got to respond because the next thing I knew, I was being pushed into the wall by Osgun and his goons, knocking my comm out of my ear. He did not look happy.

“Went into the bar to wait and who should I see but Thallia Mudros, senator Thallia Mudros. I knew you looked different.” His goon held me against the wall tighter. “So…my question is…who. Are. You?”

“I’m not gonna…” The goon produced a heat knife and held it just below my chin. I could feel the heat radiating off the blade. 

“How about now?”

“Step away from the woman.”

“Says who?” Osgun turned around. 

“Says me.” Poe took a swing at the crime boss, hitting him in the jaw. 

Taking advantage of both of the goons being distracted, I swung at them with the butt of my blaster, the knife deactivating and dropping to the floor. 

Running over to Poe and situating myself back to back with him as more goons arrived, I huffed “ you great fool!”

“He had a knife at your throat” he grunted and opened fire. 

“I told you” I grunted taking out one of Osgun’s Rodian enforcers, “that I can take care of myself. 

We continued shooting and dodging goons until Finn and Rose can to help. A few tables turned over and a few patrons stunned later, the casino staff proceeded to throw us and BB-8 out. 

“Some things never change,” Rose sighed as we turned toward a side street.

“But why us?” Finn asked staring back at the closed doors and then back at all of us.

I started to answer him, “Osgun has credits and credits mean…” 

“Influence.” Rose finished. “I’ve seen it many times before when…well, you guys know.”

“Let’s go” Poe sighed, putting his jacket over my shoulders.

_______________________________________________________________________

We hurried through the streets to the rendevousz point, I was focused on getting a nice hot bath. I would have invited Poe too if it wasn’t for his overprotectiveness rearing its head. “No way!”

“But-”

“But nothing! I told you, I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can but you shouldn’t have to” he argued.

I looked ahead to see Finn and Rose sharing a look. I snorted as if they didn’t also argue over this kind of stuff.  

Poe tried to grab me again. “No Poe, I can walk!”

“Not today!” He scooped me up as we reached the end of the block.

“Put me down flyboy!”

“Not a chance, flygirl!”

We bickered for another minute or so. I did have to admit, my feet were beginning to hurt. I’d take my boots over these heels any day.

“Give it up guys” Finn sighed, his arm over Rose’s shoulders. “We botched this mission already, let’s not maim each on top of it all.”

I perked up.”We didn’t fail.”

“Nic” Poe sighed, “ we were supposed to get some kind of dirt Jerrick Osgun and we’ve got nothing.”

Finn started to chime in, “Yeah, capital N-O-...” 

Rose, elbowed him. “That’s not nice,” she admonished.

“No! I know what our mission was and we didn’t botch it.” I turned to Finn at this.

We reached the place to be picked up and Poe put me down. “Nic, what makes you so sure of the fact that we definitely did not fail? Hmm?”

I looked up, and seeing the transport ship in sight, I answered him. 

“Because I was able to retrieve this,” I held up a small disk drive. “I saw him receive it form a contact of his when I told him to go and wait in the bar. When he had me pressed again the wall, I swiped it.” 

I received many smiles, hugs, and a few cheerful beeps as the ship lowered.

The ship docked and our companions boarded quickly. According to Finn it was getting cold and he was tired. “And we’re not going to wait for you Dameron are we, BB-8?” Rose shook her head as she followed them.

I went to follow the trio but Poe reached out, his arm pulling me flush against him. “You did good tonight and it didn’t hurt that I got to watch you prance around in that pretty gown.” We kissed until the pilot called out and even then he had to drag us onto the ship.

And when we got to our quarters, we kissed some more.

#carriefish-er #super freaking long #but i had to #i was on a roll #i hope ya don't mind

[gffa]

OKAY, I’m going to respond to a bunch of this and probably do a whole lot of navel-gazing, as well as work really hard not to feel guilty about kind of publicly melting down a little bit.  But @forcearama was kind enough to reframe something important for me and I realized that sometimes struggling through this stuff in a public way can be helpful, for showing that other people go through a lot of stuff and can still come out of it. Warning for a whole lot of navel-gazing and is probably only really interesting to like a handful of people, but also maybe if you’re struggling with feeling like fandom is worth it, that you feel like you’re just constantly dodging people throwing shit at you, that you recognize they have the right to dislike or like whatever they do, but sometimes it gets really hard to reconcile that with your own place in fandom, then COME SIT BY ME AND WE’LL COMMISERATE ABOUT IT.  Because it’s a hard struggle, but one that I think will help us understand ourselves better, if we use it that way. Also, like, a buttload of replies.

I’m at a difficult place in my fannish life at the moment, because I’m struggling between “I just want to hang out with my friends and talk about our stuff together and be silly and/or cry about feelings!” versus “if you want a happy place in fandom, you have to build it yourself”, which means reaching out or establishing your corner, like “hey, I wrote a bunch of Obikin fic recs if you want to check them out!” versus “once you put that out there, you have to deal with antis”. I’m struggling with recognizing that you can’t control the way other people act in fandom (nor should you!), you can’t really even stop them from trying to argue with you about stuff you’re not interested in arguing about.  You can block them, but if you’re running a public blog, you have to deal with people publicly checking it out, even if it’s to the point of creeping on your blog for a long time, so long as they’re not harassing you, you have to put your big nerd undies on and deal with it or not put yourself out there VERSUS that I am still just a single person looking to enjoy my fandom with other people who enjoy it in the same way. Which normally I’m good with!  If someone who hates something I enjoy is stalking or hate reading my blog, well, that’s their choice and I’m just going to continue on posting about the things I love. But sometimes that does get hard because we’re all human.  Sometimes I feel really Watched because I’ve established a presence on-line (it feels conceited to say that, but I think it’s true, any time you write a lot of meta about things that have a lot of both pro- and anti- fans for it), sometimes I just get exhausted by all the negativity, sometimes I get tired of how we’re arguing over made up space stories when real world political stuff is so completely horrible. Sometimes I just get really upset that we should be able to set boundaries for ourselves and that the way each person wants to interact with fandom, however they get enjoyment out of it (let’s set aside that I’m clearly not talking about spouting actual hate speech, obv.) but that’s not always respected. Sometimes I use spite as a motivation to continue on, like, “OHO YOU HATE MY JEDI HUSBAND?  LET ME TELL YOU ALL THE WAYS I LOVE HIM, ALSO HERE ARE SOME GIFS OF HIS HANDSOME FACE.” and that works great for awhile!  But there are days where it fails and what am I left with then?  An attempt to be positive that doesn’t always feel rewarded? But I guess that’s when it’s most important to continue being kind and to continue enjoying what I enjoy for itself.  And that I shouldn’t feel guilty about stumbling with this sometimes, because we all stumble and the important thing is to step back and look at ourselves and what we need to do, to weigh in our minds what’s worth it, that we need to look inwards to find the balance of what we can let go of, what we can live with, and what we need to walk away from for our own health.  We have to look at ourselves and understand what we want to accomplish as a larger goal and weigh that against how we treat each other and how we present ourselves and what’s best for us in the long term. We have to decide where the line is between being passionate about something that’s important to us, whether made up space stories or real life issues, wherever you land on the gamut, and being respectful to others, treating them in a decent way.  And learn to live with, fight back against (and how you do so), or walk away from that fandom is not going to always draw those same lines as you are going to. And I think understanding these things about myself will let me get back to being chill (look, just because I scream in caps and flail about how much I’m crying over fictional characters, that doesn’t mean I’m not chill!!!11!) and hopefully being warmer and friendlier again. This probably seems weird and out of left field, but it does all tie together in my mind, especially with the whole aspect of “So what’s the aim of this blog?” that’s been on my mind lately.  Which seems silly, I know!  But, as mentioned, I’m from the school of fandom that firmly believes, “If you want a fun corner of fandom, you’re going to have to do the work to build it yourself.”  But that comes with a lot of complications and a lot of navel-gazing to figure out how to deal with them and stumbling sometimes. So, if you’re like me, and you sometimes just get fed up, you look back on the last couple of weeks of your blog and it’s not quite what you want it to be, that’s okay.  You can take a deep breath and refocus yourself.  Or if you know who you are already and are just tired of whatever in fandom, you can also come sit by me and kvetch about it for awhile until you turn to happier things again, because I think it’s important to show that, yeah, sometimes we get into moods and that’s when we reach out and hear that other people are going through a similar feeling and you know you’re not alone. Realizing you’re not alone, that you can rise above the murk of your own feelings and the tangle that is fandom, is helpful to me.  Hearing from people who say that I’ve made them smile or been a positive person to hang out with or that they like my fic recs or that I can give them feelings is so, so kind and sweet of you.  That I can reach out and say I’m feeling like I want to just leave this goddamned hell pit of a fandom sometimes and realizing that puts you in a difficult position because what do you SAY to that?  “No, I don’t want you to leave!” is guilt tripping the person who may need to do so!  But it also puts me in the position of, “Well, if I don’t leave then it looks like I was just fishing for attention!” But I’m human.  Sometimes I’m going to talk about how I’m considering leaving, because I genuinely was, and if it was an attempt to reach out for some connections to other people, to get reminders that I’m not alone either, then maybe it wasn’t perfectly handled, but I can suck it up and sheepishly say, yeah, I fell back down that depression hole again and it makes me act that way sometimes, I’m working on not doing it so much, but it happens.  Maybe I can be an example to show others that they’re not alone in how you’re going to trip sometimes, but you can climb back out again, you can find your way to feeling it’s worth it again. And I can get some navel-gazing time out of it and this will be one more step towards understanding myself and my feelings and that’s worth it, too.  It’s something I can use to exorcise my frustration from the last week or two and remember who I want to be and what I want to do. So each and every person who reached out and listened to me, who took time out to say something kind, who simply just cared, I want you to know that you’re doing the lord’s work to help people.  And that if I can provide even a smidgen of something good to this fandom or something kind, then it’s because people exactly like you have helped me along the way. AND NOW A BUTTLOAD OF REPLIES.

@laventadorn said:

i feel you, friend; yesterday i unfollowed a long-time mutual bc they posted shipping discourse calling shippers like me “gross.” and i was like, wow, really? guess what i’m not gonna read anymore. but then i found a great discourse-free blog that posts stuff about bb8 and porgs!! so idk; this is just a commiseration comment bc people lose sight of what’s important, which is treating real people well and enjoying stuff about fake people together. (½) (2/2) and as we all know, it can be REALLY hard to hold onto your enjoyment when there’s a constant storm of garbage whirling around and maybe throwing random old fast-food containers at your head while you’re just minding your own business. when things are extra garbage-y, it becomes even harder to remember the love… but those people can just go be horrible in their corner and we’ll just do our best to ignore them, like any creepy people we meet IRL.

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, too.  ):  I’m generally pretty live-and-let-live with opinions on stuff, that’s something I’ve always been able to make peace with--sometimes it’s harder than others, when something really matters to me, but I have the strong belief that people come to fandom with different viewpoints and experiences and their way is their way, my way is my way.  Which isn’t always easy to hold onto when you’re feeling bombarded by the rest of fandom. And sometimes we’re going to stumble or just feel down about it, but I think that’s when it’s most important to double down on what you want out of fandom, to continue being happy because there are going to be people like me out there who are trying to quietly get over something that’s been building for a couple of weeks and they’ll see you feeling the same way and it’ll just let all the steam out of that feeling, because, oh, hey, yeah, it’s not just me. That, in five years from now, I am going to remember this conversation far more than I’m going to remember whatever was sending me off-kilter.  I’m going to remember every silly or hilarious piece of art, I’m going to remember the fic that made me cry or squee or both.  It can be hard to build a corner for yourself that doesn’t feel intruded upon, but that’s when you just keep building it all the more, because that is what you’ll remember five years from now. (Looking back to five years ago, to ten years ago, those are indeed the things I remember.  It gets hard in the moment, so let us all reach out when we need to, talk about it when we need to, but then be like, well, okay, I feel guilty about melting down in public, so you know what?  I’M GONNA LIVEBLOG THIS HILARIOUS STORY and the people you want to enjoy something with will light up at that.  ♥)

@ kirahnanase said:

Please don’t live us!

Aww, you are very sweet, thank  you for the kind words, it does help to go, okay, shut up, brain weasels, you’re not winning today, because there ARE kind people out there!

@albaparthenicevelut said:

I feel you, I’ve been seeing a lot of kind of heightened rhetoric about shipping lately and it is Tiring. Also, some of the well… rage is a little creepy. I get to hide because I’m not a big blog so people who read my stuff are generally just people who want to read it but I do sometimes read this stuff and feel angry and put off and kind of worried.

I genuinely don’t want to judge people who are angry on tumblr, because I understand how addicting it is, as well as they may be coming from experiences that I don’t understand.  Or maybe they just honestly enjoy being the way they are or feel they have to or something else that I’ve never thought of.  But, for me, anger is something that really stole a lot from me, I was angry for so many years and it cost me so much, relationships that I’ll never fully get back, years of misery and a lack of self-understanding that I can’t undo. We can’t change other people, it’s hard to navigate the same waters as some of the more vicious and mean-spirited people, which makes it tempting to take our ball and go home.  But there are others like us, who we can just hang out in our corner and have fun with.  It may not always feel like it, but I think we are building that and welcoming new people to it whenever they want to come and have fun with us!  Maybe we can’t change as much as we’d like, but we can build our own space and that’s so very, very worthwhile, too.

@forcearama said:

OK but if you leave you have to at least tell ME where you’re going OK because I WILL BE REALLY SAD IF THEY EVER GIVE US A KENOBI MOVIE AND I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THAT WITHOUT YOU.

I’m pretty sure that if I actually tried to leave, you’d physically drag me back because, look, ONE OF US has to go through the entire Obi-Wan tag every day to reblog all the gifsets and graphics of his swooshy hair and stupid handsome face, and you have kids, so you need a partner in crime.  I NOW UNDERSTAND THAT I AM NEEDED.  XD

@evaceratops said:

I really wish the block feature made it so people straight up /couldn’t/ see your posts by any means, but. :/

I really, really wish this, too!  But, to be fair, if they were truly intending to harass a person, they could just make a new blog or check it while logged out, so I’m not too fussed about how tumblr’s block feature works.  (What I’d REALLY like is to go back to the Livejournal/Dreamwidth style blogging.  *wistful*)

@super-happilydancing said:

To quote Obi-Wan “You must do what you feel is right of course”. But to quote Rey “Don’t go”. Hope that helps 🤗. Jk the second one is my selfish reasons, I love your blog. ❤️But you need to take care of yourself first and foremost. 💗💗💗

I can’t lie, it always feels good when people say, “NO DON’T GO.” even though I don’t think that’s what I was fishing for.  (I like to think that if I need that, I can say it more directly.  Idk, maybe I am backsliding, but I HAVE DONE ENOUGH NAVEL GAZING FOR ONE DAY.)  Sometimes hearing that people want to be selfish to ask you to stay can be really meaningful, especially when your stupid brain weasels are telling you that nobody likes you or wants you to be around. (I think this has a lot to do with how I’ve been kind of wound up lately, so I’m probably not as easy to talk to.  I AM GOING TO WORK ON CHILLING THE FUCK OUT AGAIN, I PROMISE.  XD  ♥)

@turnipshepherd said:

So this is genuinely not meant passive-aggressively, because you have to take care of yourself and do what’s right for you!! But I want you to know that (even though I’m not good at interacting with other tumblrs) I love your blog and it’s a bright spot in my day, and even if you decide to leave SW fandom tumblr, I will always appreciate you having been here! (I particularly love your fic recs, those are sooooo good!!)

This isn’t at all passive aggressive and I want to convey how much it means to me that you said this, especially if you feel like you’re not good at reaching out, that you’d do it anyway (as someone who has trouble with this as well) that’s incredibly touching.  That I can provide some brightness to your day is doubly so, when I’ve been feeling like I’ve been failing at that recently, so while “Thank you for the kind words!” feels inadequate, I want you to know that they are whole-heartedly meant and absorbed and make a difference.

@shadowsong26x said:

I don’t have much to add to what other people have said (basically, I will miss you if you go but absolutely do what makes you happy first and foremost), so… <3 that, basically, from my mostly-lurking corner <3

I struggle with finding the balance between, “I WANT TO LEAVE THIS GARBAGE FANDOM” venting of genuine feelings versus trying to untangle the knot of how I need to look at things to be able to stay, so I greatly appreciate the support and sweetness of your comment while I work through this!  I think, more than compliments, it’s the kindness that really makes a difference with me.  *hugs*

@annavalkyrie-blog said:

Sorry you feel that way!! I know this hell site can be icky sometimes. But I just wanted to say you’re a valued member of this community and I always love reading your thoughts on the Star War. You make me smile! If you feel like you need to leave, you’ll be missed!

This hell site is definitely icky a lot of the time!  But I just have to drag myself back up out of this depression pit I’ve fallen into and use it to examine myself again and figure out what I want.  And getting such a sweet comment, knowing that I could make you smile, that there’s such light in this fandom, really does do so much for me, thank you.  ♥ AND FINALLY, jesus, I’ve been trying to put this into words for like three hours now, I fell down a depression hole and I’ll probably need another day or so to climb out of it (the queue will keep running, though) but people reaching out when I was stumbling are the good eggs of fandom, are the kindest people that I want to keep hanging around and keep trying to add something to make your days brighter, too.  I want to be there, however I can, when any of us struggles with whatever.  And I’ll probably fall back down this hole again at some point in the future, I’ll probably have to ask for your patience again.  That’s how this brain weasels slash hell hole thing works.  But I have a thing I want to liveblog on Sunday or Monday afternoon and you can believe that I will always be lured back by how goddamned married Obi-Wan and Anakin are (and how much I want to throw Padme in there for my OT3, JUST LET ALL OF THEM BE HAPPY, I clearly haven’t cried about that enough yet ^_~) and how I want to flail with people. I’ve probably been more worked up than I realized over the last week or so, so I’m going to try to relax and work out the final kinks and be cheerful and silly to interact with again.  (Unless you need to crab about fandom then COME TELL ME because, look, I LOVE gossip and also turning that into “well, yeah, this fandom sucks, but also have you considered this hilarious thing, too?” when we’re ready for it.)

#i should have a personal tag around here somewhere #moonlight replies #laventadorn #kirahnanase #albaparthenicevelut #forcearama #evaceratops #super happilydancing #turnipshepherd #shadowsong26x #annavalkyrie blog

[thewheezingwyvern]

Storm Blooded

Rating: M for language, violence, darker themes, sexual situations and abuse. (More may be added) This story may be triggering.  I will do my best to give warnings about certain triggers as they occur but this is a heads up in case I miss something.  Also there is no ship yet.  I’m just going to let the story unfold and go with it. ((I reposted this because with my url change, you can’t open the read more line))

Diabolik Lovers Oc fanfiction

Summary:  Her kind and theirs have fought for centuries. It was no secret that vampires and witches did not get along. But when her Coven starts working to initiate peace treaties, Cora must stay with the Sakamaki brothers for the remainder of the negotiations. Six vampire brothers were bad enough but things get complicated when there are people behind the scenes who are trying to start another war…

(Chapter One) (Chapter Two) (Chapter Three)

Subaru was right when he had told her that Reiji would not be pleased about her cleansing the mansion. But Cora did not expect for Reiji to be waiting for her as soon as she came inside, dripping and soaked to the bone with rain water.  Just as he had when she first came to the mansion, he surveyed her with a cool indifference.  But if she had to base by the way he looked her up and down, she would venture to guess that he did not approve of her appearance either.  The witch swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared back at Reiji.  She tried to comfort herself in the new lighter feeling of the mansion, tried to bask in the work she had done, tried to revel in the drastic difference but it was no use.

Reiji radiated a powerful aura of his own and it seemed to be trying to smother her.  Goosebumps crawled across her skin and she was unsure if they were because of the vampire’s intimidating presence or if it was cold inside of the mansion in her bedraggled state.  She had to admit that it was impressive that Reiji could intimidate her without even speaking.  Cora clenched her teeth to try and summon up her nerve to face him.

“Come with me. Now.”

“Why?” She shot back, hoisting her bag higher on her shoulder, “I don’t-“

“This is not open for discussion.”

The displeased edge to his tone made Cora bite back her words of protest.  She got the feeling that Reiji would be one of the worst ones to receive punishment from and she wasn’t sure just how far her political position would carry her.  Deciding that it was best not to push her luck, she did as he instructed.  

His study was even more organized than she had initially anticipated.  There wasn’t even a stray paper anywhere.  The book shelves were tidy and completely free of dust and they had been clearly organized by topic.  And from what she could tell at a glance, those topics were then put into alphabetical order.  Cora turned her dark eyes to examine his laboratory equipment.  Beakers, Bunsen burners, hot plates and a manner of tinctures and potions were arranged in a very orderly fashion although she could not tell the particular order.  But they had been clearly arranged to a particular placement, of that she had no doubt.

“Have a seat.” He instructed her coolly.

Reiji barking orders at her really rubbed her the wrong way, chapped her pride but the witch knew that she would not win here.  She moved to do so silently but then she halted, realizing just how quickly and easily he was able to gain her obedience.  He couldn’t hurt her so what was he going to do?  Tell the Elder “she didn’t sit down when I told her to”? Cora folded her arms and gave Reiji’s back a terse glare.

“I’d rather stand, thank you.”

“Despicable manners until the end, I see.  Don’t you know it is common courtesy to take a seat when your host offers it?”

“I would also say that it is common courtesy for said host to be respectful the guest’s customs and beliefs but that didn’t stop you from sitting back and watching while your brothers jumped me upon arrival and threatened to bite me.”

“And you will recall that I did stop them and you have not been pierced by any fang.” Reiji told her coldly, his hands deftly pulling together his tea pot set.

Cora didn’t understand why he was brewing tea at that moment of all times but she didn’t care overly much, “Only after you stood back and let them grab me and do what they wanted. You could have stopped it well before it got that far but you didn’t.  Not very courteous of my host.”

The witch could tell she was treading on thin ice.  Reiji himself seemed to putting out his own thunderous aura but it did not feel like a storm.  Storms were wild, chaotic and ripped apart everything that came in their path but Reiji was much more precise than that.  Cora bit her lower lip to keep anymore words from spilling out of her mouth because the vampire before her was radiating a murderous intent.  Political protection or not, she knew she was about to get herself into some serious trouble if she did not stop while she was ahead.

“Ms. Fuller, I am not responsible for your own knowledge of our ways.  Had you done the proper research and reading, you would realize that I actually broke customs to stop them.  It is common practice and expectation for any guest in a vampire estate to be under their charge.  So propriety in our ways states that you fall under one of us. A claim upon you, if you will, while you remain with us.” Reiji informed her with disdain, having a seat in one of his plush red velvet armchairs as he left the kettle to heat, “It is utterly disgraceful that you, an emissary for your coven, is not educated on our practices.  Now, sit down.  I will not ask you again.”

Cora clenched her jaw to fight off the shudder that rolled down her spine with his icy order, “No.”

A horrible smile crossed his face then, “Very well, then.  You still deny my hospitality?  As an emissary of this treaty, you no doubt are aware that you represent your entire coven.  Given your present behavior, I will have to consider approaching our father, Karl Heinz, and urge him to reconsider this treaty.  You speak for all of your coven, after all.  And you have demonstrated that even the smallest gesture of decorum and compromise is not attainable.  I would rather that we not waste our time.”

All of the color drained out of her face then.  He wouldn’t, would he?  Casting her dark eyes to him, there was not a hint of bluff within his expression.  If anything a sinister glint reflected in his eyes and the slightest curve of his mouth hinted at his satisfaction at backing her into this corner.  Cora could not risk him doing this, so with her heart feeling frozen with fear, she took a seat without another word.

“Good.  Now we can discuss what you did to the mansion.”Cora opened her mouth to speak but Reiji cut her off, “I have not given you leave to speak yet.  Hold your tongue.”

Hot fury coursed through her and she found herself having to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her words to herself.  The treatment she was receiving was horrendous and it infuriated her.  When she volunteered for the position, she never expected it to be like this.  Cora told herself that maybe she was dumb to think that it wouldn’t be this way but even as an emissary they treated her like she was beneath them!  Her!  A witch!

‘If this negotiation falls apart…’ she thought at Reiji with venomous promise, ‘you will be the first one I curse.’

“I am aware of some of the crude customs you have within your own coven but it is grossly rude to alter the house of your host.  Without any sanction but your own whims, you changed the energy of this estate when I banned you from doing so.”

Cora wanted to argue, point out that he only banned her from burning sage but Reiji gave her a severe look that kept her voice silent.

“Surely even you can see how rude it is for you to change someone else’s home to suit your needs. You may speak now.” Continued the vampire, folding his hands ontop of his lap, one leg crossed over the other.

Well, when he put it that way, Cora found it hard to argue, so she cleared her throat, “To be fair, you banned burning sage, not cleansing itself.  I assumed that the smell of the herb offended you so I opted for something other than smoke cleansing.” She lied, knowing that he really didn’t want her to cleanse the place, “But…you’re right.  The place reeked of death and a heavy, oppressive energy so I assumed… well, I am sorry that I changed the energy of your home without permission.”

Already she felt her nerves being rubbed raw from putting on an air of diplomacy.  There had been better options for this sort of work within her coven but not a one of them volunteered for the position.  Speaking through such lies and in such a way that felt simpering and like she was kissing his ass made her feel gross.  She wanted to speak plainly but this interaction alone told her that speaking her mind would get her and her people in more trouble.  Cora took a deep breath and reminded herself that she wasn’t doing this for herself but for her coven.

“Please accept my sincere apology.”

The teapot over in the corner began to whistle, interrupting the silence that had fallen between them. Cora found it interesting that Reiji had set up his own station to make his tea within his study but given that it looked like he did his own experiments and concoctions it did make sense. When she was studying her own magic and working on new rituals she didn’t want to leave her room either.  He rose from his seat silently and approached the kettle, carefully pulling out two cups before they disappeared from view in front of him.

Cora didn’t get to get a close look at them before his frame blocked her sight but from what she could see, they were clearly exquisite pieces and finely made.  The aromatic fragrance of Earl Grey wafted up to her nose and it made her feel homesick.  She remembered spending time in the sun room with the tea leaf readers, hot tea steaming from their mugs as they focused on her.  They always gave her a cup of tea of her own to enjoy while they focused on their divination.  Cora couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing now.  In the courtyard, the witchlings would be practicing, trying to find their particular blood born talent.  In the temple there would be meditation with burning sticks of incense. By the river, the fledgling water practitioners would work with the current and at night some of her people would lay out beneath the stars and practice astral travel.

Reiji startled her out of her thoughts by placing a cup of tea in front of her and taking a seat of his own across from her, sipping of his own cup.  This was something that she did not need to be pushed into doing. The smell of Earl Grey reminded her of home and the idea of enjoying the hot tea settled her sour mood.  Carefully she picked up the cup from its plate, noting the fine detail work in delicate cold along the rim.

“Thank you.” She told him quietly before taking a drink.

He nodded coolly, “And your apology is accepted.”

She was as surprised by his acceptance of her apology as she was at the perfection of his brew.  The tea witches from her home were some of the best at brewing and it came as no surprise given their practice of divining from the leaves.  But Reiji easily bested most of them in this one cup of perfectly steeped Earl Grey. Cora stared at the beverage as if in disbelief that it was really in her hand before looking back up to Reiji.

“This tea is perfectly brewed…!”

“Of course it is. Would you expect me to produce anything less?  It is a simple enough matter to make the perfect cup.”

Cora felt a faint ringing in her right there and she rubbed at it to ease the discomfort, “Simple?  I doubt that.  Doesn’t the temperature of the water and length of brew time vary depending on the type of leaf used?”

“Indeed, but it is simple to remember that.  I must say I am surprised that you even knew that much.  I suppose no one can be completely hopeless.  Not even you.”

Cora had thought for just a moment they were going to have a civilized conversation but after his insult, she realized that it was foolish for her to hope for that.  The witch glared at him silently over her tea, using the full bodied Earl Grey to curb her brewing words forming on her tongue. It was either that or she bite her tongue but she was quite certain she would make herself bleed if she did that with how much she wanted to cuss at him.  Much to her annoyance, the ringing in her ears started up again but with more persistence.  Cora lightly shook her head but it only made it worse.  The ringing seemed to be drilling into her skull, cutting straight into her.  The sensation was so intense and painful, she dropped the cup of hot Earl Grey into her lap and clutched at her ears.

The hot tea soaked through her clothes burned at her skin, much like overheated bath water.  What was happening?  This wasn’t normal!  The vampire across from her took one more easy sip of his own hot tea before rising and walking over to his desk.  Her dark eyes tracked him through her intense discomfort and watch as he opened a book, a journal of some sorts, and write down a few notes on its pages.

“That was faster than I expected.” He observed.

“What did you do to me?!” Cora demanded, pressing her hands even harder against her ears as the ringing grew louder.

The sensation could almost be called painful and yet it was nothing more than a persistent ringing in her ears.  But it was strong enough to make her want to pull her brain out of her head.  Her dark eyes pricked with tears and she ground her teeth against the sensation.   It felt like her brain was being pierced and so deeply that it made her feel weak.

“Consider it your punishment.  Hopefully, you’ll think twice before altering this house.”

“You bastard!  This is a violation of our trust and treaties!”

“Oh not at all.  See I have not physically harmed you and that potion will not cause you any damage.  In fact it will fade within a few days.”

“A few DAYS?!”

Reiji narrowed his eyes to dangerous slits down at Cora, “Mind your tone.  It is grossly unlady like to raise your voice.”

The ringing seemed to fall into a rhythmic drone and every pulse felt like it was rocking her brain. The sensation made her squirm within the cushioned chair, the tea cup rolling around in her lap precariously. Cora squinted her eyes shut against the sensation, grinding her teeth.  She couldn’t imagine withstanding this for five more minutes let alone a few days!  A whimper escaped her when there was a sharp stab like sensation to her ears and the world around her began to rock unsteadily.  

“My behavior is a problem?! You fucking drugged me!  That is- agh!”

She had tried to rise to her feet in her rage and intense discomfort but the ringing in her ears swiftly rebuked that effort with sharp stabs.   The tea cup that had been in her lap fell to the floor and shattered upon impact, scattering the jagged shards across the wooden floor.  Under normal circumstances, Cora would feel bad for breaking someone’s things, even Reiji’s.  But she was in far too much pain and discomfort to feel badly about it.  An intense wave of nausea washed over her and she felt dizzy.  Unable to maintain her balance, she slumped to the floor on her knees, still clutching her hands over her ears.

“My, my and you have soaked my chair in your bedraggled state.  Not only did you have the nerve to do as you pleased but you also ruined the furniture.” Reiji clucked his tongue in disapproval.

“You told me to sit down!” Cora exclaimed in disbelief.

“And you speak out of turn as well.  Truly you are a vulgar young woman.  I suppose I should have known better than to have expectations for a witch.” Reiji took his seat again, crossing his legs as he looked down at the rosette before him, “But I am not an unreasonable man…if you beg me for forgiveness for your transgressions, I might give you the antidote to what I put in your tea.”

“I will never-!“ Cora’s sentence was cut off with a powerful gag that took hold of her throat, her nausea only growing and the ringing in her ears growing worse.

“In truth, the effects may last longer than a few days.” He told her with a light chuckle, “This is the first chance I’ve had to test it so I am only speculating.  It is already proving to be stronger than I had intended so the effects could last longer as well.”

The dizziness was getting worse and Cora was forced to release her ears to plant her palms down against the wooden floor to keep herself stabilized.  She gagged again as her stomach heaved under the duress of the intense dizziness.  He wouldn’t truly make her wait that long, would he?  She had enough strength in her to lift her head and look up at the bespectacled vampire through her hair.  He absolutely would.  The smirk that he held was a cruel one and he clearly was enjoying her suffering.  Her nausea forced her to have to tear her gaze away and look pointedly at the floor again.  If Cora could make it back to her room, she would have just laid in bed until it went away, probably listen to music as well to drown out the ringing. But she couldn’t even look up without feeling ill, there was no way she’d make it to her room.

And she sure as hell couldn’t risk one of the other vampires finding her trying to crawl back to the safety of her room.  Cora swallowed hard to both prevent herself from being ill but also to work up her courage. She knew that she had no other choice. A shudder raced through her as she fought off another wall of nausea, clenching her hands tightly into fists. A few tears fell from her when her ears encountered another distinct stabbing sensation.  

“Please…Please, Reiji…Forgive me.” She ground out through her teeth.

“Reiji-sama.” He corrected sharply.

‘Oh hell no!  He can’t seriously expect me to call him that!’ she thought with rage.

Cora was going to curse at him, tell him to shove his “sama” where the sun doesn’t shine but it caught in her throat with another pulse in her ears.  Her fingers clenched even tighter as if she were trying to physically hold onto her pride.  But she realized that pride would get her nowhere at the moment.  Hot tears swam in her eyes and she forcefully made herself let go of her pride.

“Reiji-sama,” she begged, “Please forgive me.”

Reiji made a noise of disapproval, “Really?  Is that all you can muster?  I will not be moved by such a weak attempt.

A broken sob caught in the back of her throat, “Please.  Please, please!  Reiji-sama, forgive me!  I’m sorry!”

“Sorry for what?”

To her shame, she was crying now from her pain, her discomfort and her shattered pride, “I’m sorry for cleansing the house without asking.”

“And?”

“…And for ruining your chair.”

Reiji deliberated for a few moments before chuckling and rising from his seat.  Cora did not look up, her shame kept her head down and she feared lifting her head would make her vomit.  She could hear his even footsteps across his study, heard the delicate clink of a vial against another set of glass.  The familiar sound of a cork being pulled out reached her ears before more footsteps.  A gloved hand then took her chin and tilted her head upwards.

“I suppose that will do. Now open your mouth.”

Cora obeyed without hesitation, ready for her torment to end.  The liquid he poured between her parted lips was bitter and ice cold but she swallowed it all the same.  Reiji did not release her chin, however and regarded her with his ruby eyes with a critical gaze.

“A pitiful state you are in. You look like a drowned rat.  This is not fitting for a lady and it would seem that your kind did not give you proper instruction on how to behave like one.”

The witch managed to pull her chin free from his grasp when the effects of his drug began to fade.  

“Tch.  Rebellious even now?  Since your kind neglected to instruct you on how to be a lady, I suppose that responsibility will fall on me.”

Cora was able to climb to her feet since the ringing in her ears was almost gone and the dizziness had faded, “You have no responsibility and there is no need.  I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

Reiji smirked down at her, “Oh but I do.  What of the upcoming dances?  The treaty envoys?  In vampire society, the diplomat will be the one who receives the terms and negotiates with us.  You will be the main one navigating these politics.”

Her face paled for the second time that night as the storm continued to rage outside.  When she volunteered for this position, she had thought that she would be like insurance to keep her coven from acting out.  That was the impression they gave her.  She had no idea that she would be the one do handle this level of negotiation and politics.  Cora felt terrified that now she knew her words were going to be what could make or break her people.  Dances? Treaty envoys?  How could she possibly handle all of this?

“As I suspected.  They did not inform you properly of your position.”

“No…No they did not…” Rage snapped behind her dark eyes before she looked back up to Reiji, “If you’ll excuse me, I have a few choice words for some of the Masters of my coven.”

“Not just yet.” Reiji interrupted, “Whether you like it or not, you now will be a reflection upon my family as well.  First thing in the evenings you will be instructed on proper dance.”

“And who says that I can’t properly dance?” He stared at her flatly, “Ok, fine, whatever!  We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Cora stormed out of his study, not once looking back.  If what he said was true then she would grudgingly submit to training in proper behavior.  But she first had to have a talk with the Elder… She hoped that Reiji was lying but she knew within her bones that he wasn’t.

#DL #Reiji Sakamaki

[thewheezingwyvern]

Storm Blooded

Rating: M for language, violence, darker themes, sexual situations and abuse. (More may be added) This story may be triggering.  I will do my best to give warnings about certain triggers as they occur but this is a heads up in case I miss something.  Also there is no ship yet.  I’m just going to let the story unfold and go with it.

Diabolik Lovers Oc fanfiction

Summary:  Her kind and theirs have fought for centuries. It was no secret that vampires and witches did not get along. But when her Coven starts working to initiate peace treaties, Cora must stay with the Sakamaki brothers for the remainder of the negotiations. Six vampire brothers were bad enough but things get complicated when there are people behind the scenes who are trying to start another war…

(Chapter 1) (Chapter 2) (Chapter 3)

Subaru was right when he had told her that Reiji would not be pleased about her cleansing the mansion. But Cora did not expect for Reiji to be waiting for her as soon as she came inside, dripping and soaked to the bone with rain water.  Just as he had when she first came to the mansion, he surveyed her with a cool indifference.  But if she had to base by the way he looked her up and down, she would venture to guess that he did not approve of her appearance either.  The witch swallowed the lump in her throat as she stared back at Reiji.  She tried to comfort herself in the new lighter feeling of the mansion, tried to bask in the work she had done, tried to revel in the drastic difference but it was no use.

Reiji radiated a powerful aura of his own and it seemed to be trying to smother her.  Goosebumps crawled across her skin and she was unsure if they were because of the vampire’s intimidating presence or if it was cold inside of the mansion in her bedraggled state.  She had to admit that it was impressive that Reiji could intimidate her without even speaking.  Cora clenched her teeth to try and summon up her nerve to face him.

“Come with me. Now.”

“Why?” She shot back, hoisting her bag higher on her shoulder, “I don’t-“

“This is not open for discussion.”

The displeased edge to his tone made Cora bite back her words of protest.  She got the feeling that Reiji would be one of the worst ones to receive punishment from and she wasn’t sure just how far her political position would carry her.  Deciding that it was best not to push her luck, she did as he instructed.  

His study was even more organized than she had initially anticipated.  There wasn’t even a stray paper anywhere.  The book shelves were tidy and completely free of dust and they had been clearly organized by topic.  And from what she could tell at a glance, those topics were then put into alphabetical order.  Cora turned her dark eyes to examine his laboratory equipment.  Beakers, Bunsen burners, hot plates and a manner of tinctures and potions were arranged in a very orderly fashion although she could not tell the particular order.  But they had been clearly arranged to a particular placement, of that she had no doubt.

“Have a seat.” He instructed her coolly.

Reiji barking orders at her really rubbed her the wrong way, chapped her pride but the witch knew that she would not win here.  She moved to do so silently but then she halted, realizing just how quickly and easily he was able to gain her obedience.  He couldn’t hurt her so what was he going to do?  Tell the Elder “she didn’t sit down when I told her to”? Cora folded her arms and gave Reiji’s back a terse glare.

“I’d rather stand, thank you.”

“Despicable manners until the end, I see.  Don’t you know it is common courtesy to take a seat when your host offers it?”

“I would also say that it is common courtesy for said host to be respectful the guest’s customs and beliefs but that didn’t stop you from sitting back and watching while your brothers jumped me upon arrival and threatened to bite me.”

“And you will recall that I did stop them and you have not been pierced by any fang.” Reiji told her coldly, his hands deftly pulling together his tea pot set.

Cora didn’t understand why he was brewing tea at that moment of all times but she didn’t care overly much, “Only after you stood back and let them grab me and do what they wanted. You could have stopped it well before it got that far but you didn’t.  Not very courteous of my host.”

The witch could tell she was treading on thin ice.  Reiji himself seemed to putting out his own thunderous aura but it did not feel like a storm.  Storms were wild, chaotic and ripped apart everything that came in their path but Reiji was much more precise than that.  Cora bit her lower lip to keep anymore words from spilling out of her mouth because the vampire before her was radiating a murderous intent.  Political protection or not, she knew she was about to get herself into some serious trouble if she did not stop while she was ahead.

“Ms. Fuller, I am not responsible for your own knowledge of our ways.  Had you done the proper research and reading, you would realize that I actually broke customs to stop them.  It is common practice and expectation for any guest in a vampire estate to be under their charge.  So propriety in our ways states that you fall under one of us. A claim upon you, if you will, while you remain with us.” Reiji informed her with disdain, having a seat in one of his plush red velvet armchairs as he left the kettle to heat, “It is utterly disgraceful that you, an emissary for your coven, is not educated on our practices.  Now, sit down.  I will not ask you again.”

Cora clenched her jaw to fight off the shudder that rolled down her spine with his icy order, “No.”

A horrible smile crossed his face then, “Very well, then.  You still deny my hospitality?  As an emissary of this treaty, you no doubt are aware that you represent your entire coven.  Given your present behavior, I will have to consider approaching our father, Karl Heinz, and urge him to reconsider this treaty.  You speak for all of your coven, after all.  And you have demonstrated that even the smallest gesture of decorum and compromise is not attainable.  I would rather that we not waste our time.”

All of the color drained out of her face then.  He wouldn’t, would he?  Casting her dark eyes to him, there was not a hint of bluff within his expression.  If anything a sinister glint reflected in his eyes and the slightest curve of his mouth hinted at his satisfaction at backing her into this corner.  Cora could not risk him doing this, so with her heart feeling frozen with fear, she took a seat without another word.

“Good.  Now we can discuss what you did to the mansion.”Cora opened her mouth to speak but Reiji cut her off, “I have not given you leave to speak yet. Hold your tongue.”

Hot fury coursed through her and she found herself having to bite the inside of her cheek to keep her words to herself.  The treatment she was receiving was horrendous and it infuriated her.  When she volunteered for the position, she never expected it to be like this.  Cora told herself that maybe she was dumb to think that it wouldn’t be this way but even as an emissary they treated her like she was beneath them!  Her!  A witch!

‘If this negotiation falls apart…’ she thought at Reiji with venomous promise, ‘you will be the first one I curse.’

“I am aware of some of the crude customs you have within your own coven but it is grossly rude to alter the house of your host.  Without any sanction but your own whims, you changed the energy of this estate when I banned you from doing so.”

Cora wanted to argue, point out that he only banned her from burning sage but Reiji gave her a severe look that kept her voice silent.

“Surely even you can see how rude it is for you to change someone else’s home to suit your needs. You may speak now.” Continued the vampire, folding his hands ontop of his lap, one leg crossed over the other.

Well, when he put it that way, Cora found it hard to argue, so she cleared her throat, “To be fair, you banned burning sage, not cleansing itself.  I assumed that the smell of the herb offended you so I opted for something other than smoke cleansing.” She lied, knowing that he really didn’t want her to cleanse the place, “But…you’re right.  The place reeked of death and a heavy, oppressive energy so I assumed… well, I am sorry that I changed the energy of your home without permission.”

Already she felt her nerves being rubbed raw from putting on an air of diplomacy.  There had been better options for this sort of work within her coven but not a one of them volunteered for the position.  Speaking through such lies and in such a way that felt simpering and like she was kissing his ass made her feel gross.  She wanted to speak plainly but this interaction alone told her that speaking her mind would get her and her people in more trouble.  Cora took a deep breath and reminded herself that she wasn’t doing this for herself but for her coven.

“Please accept my sincere apology.”

The teapot over in the corner began to whistle, interrupting the silence that had fallen between them. Cora found it interesting that Reiji had set up his own station to make his tea within his study but given that it looked like he did his own experiments and concoctions it did make sense. When she was studying her own magic and working on new rituals she didn’t want to leave her room either.  He rose from his seat silently and approached the kettle, carefully pulling out two cups before they disappeared from view in front of him.

Cora didn’t get to get a close look at them before his frame blocked her sight but from what she could see, they were clearly exquisite pieces and finely made.  The aromatic fragrance of Earl Grey wafted up to her nose and it made her feel homesick.  She remembered spending time in the sun room with the tea leaf readers, hot tea steaming from their mugs as they focused on her.  They always gave her a cup of tea of her own to enjoy while they focused on their divination.  Cora couldn’t help but wonder what they were doing now.  In the courtyard, the witchlings would be practicing, trying to find their particular blood born talent.  In the temple there would be meditation with burning sticks of incense.  By the river, the fledgling water practitioners would work with the current and at night some of her people would lay out beneath the stars and practice astral travel.

Reiji startled her out of her thoughts by placing a cup of tea in front of her and taking a seat of his own across from her, sipping of his own cup.  This was something that she did not need to be pushed into doing. The smell of Earl Grey reminded her of home and the idea of enjoying the hot tea settled her sour mood.  Carefully she picked up the cup from its plate, noting the fine detail work in delicate cold along the rim.

“Thank you.” She told him quietly before taking a drink.

He nodded coolly, “And your apology is accepted.”

She was as surprised by his acceptance of her apology as she was at the perfection of his brew.  The tea witches from her home were some of the best at brewing and it came as no surprise given their practice of divining from the leaves.  But Reiji easily bested most of them in this one cup of perfectly steeped Earl Grey. Cora stared at the beverage as if in disbelief that it was really in her hand before looking back up to Reiji.

“This tea is perfectly brewed…!”

“Of course it is. Would you expect me to produce anything less?  It is a simple enough matter to make the perfect cup.”

Cora felt a faint ringing in her right there and she rubbed at it to ease the discomfort, “Simple?  I doubt that.  Doesn’t the temperature of the water and length of brew time vary depending on the type of leaf used?”

“Indeed, but it is simple to remember that.  I must say I am surprised that you even knew that much.  I suppose no one can be completely hopeless.  Not even you.”

Cora had thought for just a moment they were going to have a civilized conversation but after his insult, she realized that it was foolish for her to hope for that.  The witch glared at him silently over her tea, using the full bodied Earl Grey to curb her brewing words forming on her tongue. It was either that or she bite her tongue but she was quite certain she would make herself bleed if she did that with how much she wanted to cuss at him.  Much to her annoyance, the ringing in her ears started up again but with more persistence.  Cora lightly shook her head but it only made it worse.  The ringing seemed to be drilling into her skull, cutting straight into her.  The sensation was so intense and painful, she dropped the cup of hot Earl Grey into her lap and clutched at her ears.

The hot tea soaked through her clothes burned at her skin, much like overheated bath water.  What was happening?  This wasn’t normal!  The vampire across from her took one more easy sip of his own hot tea before rising and walking over to his desk.  Her dark eyes tracked him through her intense discomfort and watch as he opened a book, a journal of some sorts, and write down a few notes on its pages.

“That was faster than I expected.” He observed.

“What did you do to me?!” Cora demanded, pressing her hands even harder against her ears as the ringing grew louder.

The sensation could almost be called painful and yet it was nothing more than a persistent ringing in her ears.  But it was strong enough to make her want to pull her brain out of her head.  Her dark eyes pricked with tears and she ground her teeth against the sensation.   It felt like her brain was being pierced and so deeply that it made her feel weak.

“Consider it your punishment.  Hopefully, you’ll think twice before altering this house.”

“You bastard!  This is a violation of our trust and treaties!”

“Oh not at all.  See I have not physically harmed you and that potion will not cause you any damage.  In fact it will fade within a few days.”

“A few DAYS?!”

Reiji narrowed his eyes to dangerous slits down at Cora, “Mind your tone.  It is grossly unlady like to raise your voice.”

The ringing seemed to fall into a rhythmic drone and every pulse felt like it was rocking her brain. The sensation made her squirm within the cushioned chair, the tea cup rolling around in her lap precariously. Cora squinted her eyes shut against the sensation, grinding her teeth.  She couldn’t imagine withstanding this for five more minutes let alone a few days! A whimper escaped her when there was a sharp stab like sensation to her ears and the world around her began to rock unsteadily.  

“My behavior is a problem?! You fucking drugged me!  That is- agh!”

She had tried to rise to her feet in her rage and intense discomfort but the ringing in her ears swiftly rebuked that effort with sharp stabs.   The tea cup that had been in her lap fell to the floor and shattered upon impact, scattering the jagged shards across the wooden floor.  Under normal circumstances, Cora would feel bad for breaking someone’s things, even Reiji’s.  But she was in far too much pain and discomfort to feel badly about it.  An intense wave of nausea washed over her and she felt dizzy.  Unable to maintain her balance, she slumped to the floor on her knees, still clutching her hands over her ears.

“My, my and you have soaked my chair in your bedraggled state.  Not only did you have the nerve to do as you pleased but you also ruined the furniture.” Reiji clucked his tongue in disapproval.

“You told me to sit down!” Cora exclaimed in disbelief.

“And you speak out of turn as well.  Truly you are a vulgar young woman.  I suppose I should have known better than to have expectations for a witch.” Reiji took his seat again, crossing his legs as he looked down at the rosette before him, “But I am not an unreasonable man…if you beg me for forgiveness for your transgressions, I might give you the antidote to what I put in your tea.”

“I will never-!“ Cora’s sentence was cut off with a powerful gag that took hold of her throat, her nausea only growing and the ringing in her ears growing worse.

“In truth, the effects may last longer than a few days.” He told her with a light chuckle, “This is the first chance I’ve had to test it so I am only speculating.  It is already proving to be stronger than I had intended so the effects could last longer as well.”

The dizziness was getting worse and Cora was forced to release her ears to plant her palms down against the wooden floor to keep herself stabilized.  She gagged again as her stomach heaved under the duress of the intense dizziness.  He wouldn’t truly make her wait that long, would he?  She had enough strength in her to lift her head and look up at the bespectacled vampire through her hair.  He absolutely would.  The smirk that he held was a cruel one and he clearly was enjoying her suffering.  Her nausea forced her to have to tear her gaze away and look pointedly at the floor again.  If Cora could make it back to her room, she would have just laid in bed until it went away, probably listen to music as well to drown out the ringing. But she couldn’t even look up without feeling ill, there was no way she’d make it to her room.

And she sure as hell couldn’t risk one of the other vampires finding her trying to crawl back to the safety of her room.  Cora swallowed hard to both prevent herself from being ill but also to work up her courage. She knew that she had no other choice. A shudder raced through her as she fought off another wall of nausea, clenching her hands tightly into fists. A few tears fell from her when her ears encountered another distinct stabbing sensation.  

“Please…Please, Reiji…Forgive me.” She ground out through her teeth.

“Reiji-sama.” He corrected sharply.

‘Oh hell no!  He can’t seriously expect me to call him that!’ she thought with rage.

Cora was going to curse at him, tell him to shove his “sama” where the sun doesn’t shine but it caught in her throat with another pulse in her ears.  Her fingers clenched even tighter as if she were trying to physically hold onto her pride.  But she realized that pride would get her nowhere at the moment.  Hot tears swam in her eyes and she forcefully made herself let go of her pride.

“Reiji-sama,” she begged, “Please forgive me.”

Reiji made a noise of disapproval, “Really?  Is that all you can muster?  I will not be moved by such a weak attempt.

A broken sob caught in the back of her throat, “Please.  Please, please!  Reiji-sama, forgive me!  I’m sorry!”

“Sorry for what?”

To her shame, she was crying now from her pain, her discomfort and her shattered pride, “I’m sorry for cleansing the house without asking.”

“And?”

“…And for ruining your chair.”

Reiji deliberated for a few moments before chuckling and rising from his seat.  Cora did not look up, her shame kept her head down and she feared lifting her head would make her vomit.  She could hear his even footsteps across his study, heard the delicate clink of a vial against another set of glass.  The familiar sound of a cork being pulled out reached her ears before more footsteps.  A gloved hand then took her chin and tilted her head upwards.

“I suppose that will do. Now open your mouth.”

Cora obeyed without hesitation, ready for her torment to end.  The liquid he poured between her parted lips was bitter and ice cold but she swallowed it all the same.  Reiji did not release her chin, however and regarded her with his ruby eyes with a critical gaze.

“A pitiful state you are in. You look like a drowned rat.  This is not fitting for a lady and it would seem that your kind did not give you proper instruction on how to behave like one.”

The witch managed to pull her chin free from his grasp when the effects of his drug began to fade.  

“Tch.  Rebellious even now?  Since your kind neglected to instruct you on how to be a lady, I suppose that responsibility will fall on me.”

Cora was able to climb to her feet since the ringing in her ears was almost gone and the dizziness had faded, “You have no responsibility and there is no need.  I don’t want you anywhere near me.”

Reiji smirked down at her, “Oh but I do.  What of the upcoming dances?  The treaty envoys?  In vampire society, the diplomat will be the one who receives the terms and negotiates with us.  You will be the main one navigating these politics.”

Her face paled for the second time that night as the storm continued to rage outside.  When she volunteered for this position, she had thought that she would be like insurance to keep her coven from acting out.  That was the impression they gave her.  She had no idea that she would be the one do handle this level of negotiation and politics.  Cora felt terrified that now she knew her words were going to be what could make or break her people.  Dances? Treaty envoys?  How could she possibly handle all of this?

“As I suspected.  They did not inform you properly of your position.”

“No…No they did not…” Rage snapped behind her dark eyes before she looked back up to Reiji, “If you’ll excuse me, I have a few choice words for some of the Masters of my coven.”

“Not just yet.” Reiji interrupted, “Whether you like it or not, you now will be a reflection upon my family as well.  First thing in the evenings you will be instructed on proper dance.”

“And who says that I can’t properly dance?” He stared at her flatly, “Ok, fine, whatever!  We’ll talk about this tomorrow.”

Cora stormed out of his study, not once looking back.  If what he said was true then she would grudgingly submit to training in proper behavior.  But she first had to have a talk with the Elder… She hoped that Reiji was lying but she knew within her bones that he wasn’t.

#Diabolik Lovers #Reiji Sakamaki #Diabolik Lovers Fanfiction #Diabolik Lovers oc