#also a big sucker for eggs

[norrisleclercf1]

If you write some more dad!carlos (à la the first mini lando headcannon) I will literally throw you a birthday party

A/N: Guess you’re going to have to throw me that birthday party 🥳 also he calls her risita because that means giggle in Spanish and yep she's about 6 or 7

"Papi? Wake up." Carlos smiles, hearing the little whisper of his daughter Zaneta. "I am up risita." He grumbles, rolling over his daughter yelps. (giggle)

Her little arms and legs flail as she tries to push him off her. "Papi...crushing." Carlos chuckles, knowing he wasn't crushing her. He had no weight on her, she was his princess. "Risita, what are you doing up so early?" Rolling to the side, Zaneta catches her breath.

"Mamá is running errands and I'm bored." She whines, giving him puppy dog eyes. "I see what your mother means now." He groans. Zaneta had his eyes, and whenever they went wide and blank he was a sucker.

"Papi, I'm hungry." Carlos sits up, climbs out of bed and slides some pants on. "Come here." Swinging her up, she laughs her tiny arms and legs sticking out before wrapping around him.

"Did you sleep good?" Carlos asks, pushing hair out of his face. "Yes, did you?" She asks, resting her head on his shoulder. "I did risita." Smiling down at her.

She was his little girl, and he cherished these moments more and more as she grew. "What would you like for breakfast?" Placing her on the counter, going to the fridge. "Tortilla." She giggles as Carlos shakes his head. "An omelet? What? Risita, it's my day off and you want to eat healthy?" He chuckles pulling out the eggs.

"With cheese and bacon." She orders, Carlos turns raising an eyebrow at her. "Please." She adds, voice soft as she knows manners are big with her mother and father. "Good girl." Kissing her head, he lifts her off the counter, watching her run off.

He starts cooking, frying up the bacon you walk in taking a deep breath smiling. "Smells good." Mouth watering at the greasy food. "Looks good too." Pinching his ass, Carlos flinches away but laughs seeing you.

"Morning." Leaning in he kisses you, but a resounding eww has the two of you pulling apart. "That's yucky." Zaneta's face scrunched up in disgust. "Oh? Then is it yucky when Papi and I kiss you?" Raising an eyebrow at your sassy daughter.

"Get's that from you." Carlos whispers, you slap his shoulder prying a smirk out of him. "No, you're the drama queen. Wanna revisit your Ferrari days?" Carlos immediately stops, knowing you have proof everywhere.

"Nope, because Mamá and Papi are supposed to kiss me. Not each other." She quips, running back to her toys. "We need to limit her time with Lando." You whisper knowing if Zaneta heard that, she'd throw a righteous fit.

"I agree." Carlos flipping the bacon, the sizzle the only sound. "Go, I'll finish this." Pushing Carlos off the stove who smiles. "She's been missing you, go play with our daughter." You don't have to tell him twice as he plops himself next to her.

Laughter and food fills the house. This is what Carlos wanted in his future. Whenever people asked, he'd say a world championship and winning all the time. When really, he just wanted a family to always come home to with laughter, good food and love.

And he has that.

"Papi?" Carlos hums letting her place a tiara on his head. "Can I come with you to the next race?" She asks, smiling putting beads around his neck.

"Yeah? You want to see your Papi win?" He asks, Zaneta didn't really like the races more interested in running around with other kids and seeing the team principles to sucker them out of candy, sometimes money. "No, I miss Uncle Lando." Her innocent confession has Carlos freezing before chuckling unable to be mad.

"Yeah, you can come with me risita." Squealing she hugs Carlos, before running to kitchen to tell you the news.

Yeah, this was much better than a championship. Though he already has 2 of them.

#f1 #formula 1 #f1 fandom #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 imagine #formula one #f1 scenario #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz jr one shot #carlos sainz f1 #carlos sainz junior #carlos sainz blurb #f1 blurb #dad!f1 #dad!carlos #f1!dad #f1 x you #f1 x female reader #carlos sainz fluff #f1 fluff #f1 one shot

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Paying for it doesn't make it a market

I'm touring my new, nationally bestselling novel The Bezzle! Catch me SATURDAY (Apr 27) in MARIN COUNTY, then Winnipeg (May 2), Calgary (May 3), Vancouver (May 4), and beyond!

Anyone who says "If you're not paying for the product, you're the product" has been suckered in by Big Tech, whose cargo-cult version of markets and the discipline they impose on companies.

Here's the way that story goes: companies that fear losing your business will treat you better, because treating you worse will cost them money. Since ad-supported media gets paid by advertisers, they are fine with abusing you to make advertisers happy, because the advertiser is the customer, and you are the product.

This represents a profound misunderstanding of how even capitalism's champions describe its workings. The purported virtue of capitalism is that it transforms the capitalist's greed into something of broad public value, by appealing to the capitalist's fear. A successful capitalist isn't merely someone figures out how to please their customers – they're also someone who figures out how to please their suppliers.

That's why tech platforms were – until recently – very good to (some of) their workforce. Technical labor was scarce and so platforms built whimsical "campuses" for tech workers, with amenities ranging from stock options to gourmet cafeterias to egg-freezing services for those workers planning to stay at their desks through their fertile years. Those workers weren't the "customer" – but they were treated better than any advertiser or user.

But when it came to easily replaced labor – testers, cleaning crew, the staff in those fancy cafeterias – the situation was much worse. Those workers were hired through cut-out shell companies, denied benefits, even made to enter via separate entrances on shifts that were scheduled to minimize the chance that they would ever interact with one of the highly paid tech workers at the firm.

Likewise, advertisers may be the tech companies' "customers" but that doesn't mean the platforms treat them well. Advertisers get ripped off just like the rest of us. The platforms gouge them on price, lie to them about advertising reach, and collude with one another to fix prices and defraud advertisers:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/10/05/florida-man/#wannamakers-ghost

Now, it's true that the advertisers used to get a good deal from the platforms, and that it came at the expense of the users. Facebook lured in users by falsely promising never to spy on them. Then, once the users were locked in, Facebook flipped a switch, started spying on users from asshole to appetite, and then offered rock-bottom-priced, fine-grained, highly reliable ad-targeting to advertisers:

https://papers.ssrn.com/sol3/papers.cfm?abstract_id=3247362

But once those advertisers were locked in, Facebook turned on them, too. Of course they did. The point of monopoly power isn't just getting too big to fail and too big to jail – it's getting too big to care:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/04/teach-me-how-to-shruggie/#kagi

This is the thing that "if you're not paying for the product, you're the product" fails to comprehend. "If you're not paying for the product" is grounded in a cartoonish vision of markets in which "the customer is king" and successful businesses are those who cater to their customers – even at the expense of their workers and suppliers – will succeed.

In this frame, the advertiser is the platforms' customer, the customer is king, the platform inflicts unlimited harm upon all other stakeholders in service to those advertisers, the advertisers are so pleased with this white-glove service that they willingly pay a handsome premium to use the platform, and so the platform grows unimaginably wealthy.

But of course, if the platforms inflict unlimited harms upon their users, those users will depart, and then no amount of obsequious catering to advertisers will convince them to spend money on ads that no one sees. In the cargo-cult conception of platform capitalism, the platforms are able to solve this problem by "hacking our dopamine loops" – depriving us of our free will with "addictive" technologies that keep us locked to their platforms even when they grow so terrible that we all hate using them.

This means that we can divide the platform economy into "capitalists" who sell you things, and "surveillance capitalists" who use surveillance data to control your mind, then sell your compulsive use of their products to their cherished customers, the advertisers.

Surveillance capitalists like Google are thus said to have only been shamming when they offered us a high-quality product. That was just a means to an end: the good service Google offered in its golden age was just bait to trick us into handing over enough surveillance data that they could tune their mind-control technology, strip us of our free will, and then sell us to their beloved advertisers, for whom nothing is too good.

Meanwhile, the traditional capitalists – the companies that sell you things – are the good capitalists. Apple and Microsoft are disciplined by market dynamics. They won't spy on you because you're their customer, and so they have to keep you happy.

All this leads to an inexorable conclusion: unless we pay for things with money, we are doomed. Any attempt to pay with attention will end in a free-for-all where the platforms use their Big Data mind-control rays to drain us of all our attention. It is only when we pay with money that we can dicker over price and arrive at a fair and freely chosen offer.

This theory is great for tech companies: it elevates giving them money to a democracy-preserving virtue. It reframes handing your cash over to a multi-trillion dollar tech monopolist as good civics. It's easy to see why those tech giants would like that story, but boy, are you a sap if you buy it.

Because all capitalists are surveillance capitalists…when they can get away with it. Sure, Apple blocked Facebook from spying on Ios users…and then started illegally, secretly spying on those users and lying about it, in order to target ads to those users:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/14/luxury-surveillance/#liar-liar

And Microsoft spies on every Office 365 user and rats them out to their bosses ("Marge, this analytics dashboard says you're the division's eleventh-worst speller and twelfth-worst typist. Shape up or ship out!"). But the joke's on your boss: Microsoft also spies on your whole company and sells the data about it to your competitors:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/11/25/the-peoples-amazon/#clippys-revengel

The platforms screw anyone they can. Sure, they lured in advertisers with good treatment, but once those advertisers were locked in, they fucked them over just as surely as they fucked over their users.

The surveillance capitalism hypothesis depends on the existence of a hypothetical – and wildly improbably – Big Data mind-control technology that keeps users locked to platforms even when the platform decays. Mind-control rays are an extraordinary claim supported by the thinnest of evidence (marketing materials from the companies as they seek to justify charging a premium to advertisers, combined with the self-serving humblebrags of millionaire Prodigal Tech Bros who claim to have awakened to the evil of using their dopamine-hacking sorcerous powers on behalf of their billionaire employers).

There is a much simpler explanation for why users stay on platforms even as they decline in quality: they are enmeshed in a social service that encompasses their friends, loved ones, customers, and communities. Even if everyone in this sprawling set of interlocking communities agrees that the platform is terrible, they will struggle to agree on what to do about it: where to go next and when to leave. This is the economists' "collective action problem" – a phenomenon with a much better evidentiary basis than the hypothetical, far-fetched "dopamine loop" theory.

To understand whom a platform treats well and whom it abuses, look not to who pays it and who doesn't. Instead, ask yourself: who has the platform managed to lock in? The more any stakeholder to a platform stands to lose by leaving, the worse the platform can treat them without risking their departure. Thus the beneficent face that tech companies turn to their most cherished tech workers, and the hierarchy of progressively more-abusive conditions for other workers – worse treatment for those whose work-visas are tied to their employment, and the very worst treatment for contractors testing the code, writing the documentation, labelling the data or cleaning the toilets.

If you care about how people are treated by platforms, you can't just tell them to pay for services instead of using ad-supported media. The most important factor in getting decent treatment out of a tech company isn't whether you pay with cash instead of attention – it's whether you're locked in, and thus a flight risk whom the platform must cater to.

It's perfectly possible for market dynamics to play out in a system in which we pay with our attention by watching ads. More than 50% of all web users have installed an ad-blocker, the largest boycott in the history of civilization:

https://doc.searls.com/2023/11/11/how-is-the-worlds-biggest-boycott-doing/

Ad-supported companies make an offer: How about in exchange for looking at this content, you let us spy on you in ways that would make Orwell blush and then cram a torrent of targeted ads into your eyeballs?" Ad-blockers let you make a counter-offer: "How about 'nah'?"

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/07/adblocking-how-about-nah

But ad-blocking is only possible on an open platform. A closed, locked-down platform that is illegal to modify isn't a walled garden, a fortress that keeps out the bad guys – it's a walled prison that locks you in, a prisoner of the worst impulses of the tech giant that built it. Apple can defend you from other companies' spying ways, but when Apple decides to spy on you, it's a felony to jailbreak your Iphone and block Apple's surveillance:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/05/battery-vampire/#drained

I am no true believer in markets – but the people who say that paying for products will "align incentives" and make tech better claim to believe in the power of markets to make everyone better off. But real markets aren't just places where companies sell things – they're also places where companies buy things. Monopolies short-circuit the power of customer choice to force companies to do better. But monopsonies – markets dominated by powerful buyers – are just as poisonous to the claimed benefits of markets.

Even if you are "the product" – that is, even if you're selling your attention to a platform to package up and sell to an advertiser – that in no way precludes your getting decent treatment from the platform. A world where we can avail ourselves of blockers, where interoperablity eases our exodus from abusive platforms, where privacy law sets a floor below which we cannot bargain is a world where it doesn't matter if you're "the product" or "the customer" – you can still get a square deal.

The platforms used to treat us well and now treat us badly. That's not because they were setting a patient trap, luring us in with good treatment in the expectation of locking us in and turning on us. Tech bosses do not have the executive function to lie in wait for years and years.

Rather, as tech platforms eliminated competition, captured their regulators and expanded their IP rights so that interoperability was no longer a threat, they became too big to care whether any of their stakeholders were happy. First they came for the users, sure, but then they turned on the publishers, the advertisers, and finally, even their once-pampered tech workers:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/10/the-proletarianization-of-tech-workers/

MLK said that "the law can't make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me." It's impossible to get tech bosses to believe you deserve care and decency, but you can stop them from abusing you. The way to do that is by making them fear you – by abolishing the laws that create lock-in, by legally enshrining a right to privacy, by protecting competition.

It's not by giving them money. Paying for a service does not make a company fear you, and anyone who thinks they can buy a platform's loyalty by paying for a service is a simp. A corporation is an immortal, transhuman colony organism that uses us as inconvenient gut-flora: no matter how much you love it, it will never love you back. It can't experience love – only fear.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/22/kargo-kult-kaptialism/#dont-buy-it

#pluralistic #if youre not paying for the product youre the product #competition #capitalists hate capitalism #discipline #market discipline #the old good internet

[blackopals-world]

What Nurseries would the fem!AU(Yuus) build

(Look I have baby fever and I'm tired of fighting it)

Vet!FemYuu

Stuffed animals everywhere

Doesn't care if it's a boy or girl they aren't changing it.

Every book will be animal fables

Is praying for the baby to be a beastman but just wants a healthy baby.

Got a bunch of teething toys just in case the kid has their milk teeth come early.

Rainforest noise machine

Once the baby is a few months they are going everywhere in a sling.

The baby will meet all of Yuu's patients and will be constantly covered in fur and feathers.

If the baby becomes interested in fish like their aunt Yuu will cry. She won't let her win!

Marine Biologist!FemYuu

A bit chaotic in decoration

Let's Azul decorate it the first time and cried because it was beige like those weird rich people who only care about aesthetic but have no real sense of style. Like, no color? Babies need color!

Yuu cries while explaining (it's the hormones)

She hates beige

Azul wouldn't argue with a pregnant woman

She wants sushi but doesn't know if she can have it if the baby is half mer.

They installed a tank in the room just encase the baby is a mer

The tweels are banned from holding the baby until the kid can sit up on their own.

Took the baby to swim classes to awaken their natural instincts to swim like all babies even especially fishy babies.

Chef!femYuu

Red and gold for good luck and prosperity.

Pandas for peace and protection.

She wanted everything to be traditional but knows how demanding it will be.

No hot foods, no crab, no lamb, mutton, no sushi, no soft cheese, no soft serve ice cream.

She's dying.

After the baby is born a feast of pig trotters, eggs, cakes, chicken and gelatinous rice is served. She will dye the eggs red.

The baby will get an anti-usog bracelet at birth

She is superstitious so no one will see the baby's clothes before birth.

Noble!FemYuu

Too much? Yeah.

Unfortunately, she insisted due to family tradition. Every child must use this crib first.

The baby has a different crib in every room so it doesn't matter.

Everyone needs to know how precious this baby is. The need to see this crib from space.

More silk! More pillows! More toys! More!More! More!

This baby will have like five names.

This baby will be lorded over the masses as the perfect example of a baby.

Portraits will be painted of this baby that will one day be hung in great halls and later art galleries.

Yuu is way too excited and honestly, even the baby is fed up.

She trying her best.

Special Forces!femYuu

We all know who the father is.

Yep, Rook designed this room

Doesn't matter if it's a boy or girl either.

Yuu was way too tired to stop him and she didn't even try to stop him.

Rook really wants a girl and will try again if it doesn't happen. (he was going to try again anyways)

You'd think he was giving birth with the effort he put in.

Yuu would make him do it if she could. But alas.

The couple was using their pet bunnies as pseudo babies while prepping for the pregnancy. They bunnies weren't happy except for one.

Pistolet the weirdo. Rook's favorite and the dumb one. He was also the future baby's best friend.

Yuu is an iron woman honestly, she shows no pregnancy symptoms while Rook has sympathy pregnancy symptoms.

They eat shaved ice and watch war movies together. Couple goals.

Gardener!FemYuu

A little English cottage nursery

Very whimsical

The baby isn't actually going to use a crib until they are whined because Yuu insisted on co-sleeping despite what the doctor said.(don't do this)

Yuu wanted to deliver the same way as her mother and her mother's mother. In field, by themselves, while harvesting the crops. Have that sucker out in an hour, swaddle it, and back to work.

That didn't happen. They went to a hospital and iron woman over here was put on extended bed rest after giving birth to a big ass baby. Beautiful too.

(???)!Fem?Yuu

They can have kids??

By who?

How?

I mean it's nice but I'm still confused?

Good for them?

You sure that baby isn't a cryptid? That thing has a lot of hair. Looks like that girl from "The Ring". That's alot of hair.

Well, good luck with your hairy baby.

#vet!yuu #marine biologist!yuu #chef!yuu #special forces!yuu #noble!yuu #(???)!yuu #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland yuu #rook hunt x reader #twisted wonderland rook #rook hunt #twst rook #twisted wonderland azul ashengrotto x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #twisted wonderland azul #azul ashengrotto #tweels #jade leech #floyd leech #twisted wonderland leona #twst leona #leona kingscholar #leona x reader #gardener!yuu

[denofbloodandlove]

First Timer

Mandi looked at the store like some giant looming beast that she had to battle, never had she been to a sex shop and for good reason. The moment she even thought about sex her face flamed with heat, she was technically embarrassed.  Not because of the act of sex, but because of what she enjoyed watching.  Being only 21 and still a stupid virgin she had, one night, fell down a rabbit hole of aliens, tentacles, and ovipositors.  They only person in the whole world that knew was her best friend JJ, who was as gay and happy as a bag of sunshine and rainbows but also the biggest slut that Mandi knew.   He was the reason they were here at a place called OtherWorlds, a boutique for the weird and unusual.  But according to the website that JJ found, totally normal for people like her.  People who enjoyed the idea of monsters, suckers and knots filling up their bodies. JJ had wanted Mandi to be herself so, like a great best friend searched the world wide web and found this little nugget.  Forced her in the car and drove the three hours it took to show up.   “For fucks sake Mandi, walk in, it’s a sex shop not a fucking scorpion.  Which, by the by, I think they have dildos that resemble the tail.  Lets go!” JJ pushed Mandi over the curb and straight at the door.  The tiny bell jingled as the door opened and Mandi stood frozen at the sight.  JJ however ran right in and began looking. “Come on Mandi! It’s time you experiment!” He giggled as he held up a huge wiggly horse cock.  Covering her face with her hands, Mandi shuffled her way towards JJ.  “Would you stop that!” She whispered as JJ started to flick his wrist, making the soft cock go round in circles.  “I think I need one of these for me girlie!  Man this would feel great shoved in my ass!.” JJ exclaimed as a worker made their over with a grin on her face.   “First time huh?  We can always tell, either too shy or too excited. How can I help you guys? Looking for anything in particular?”   Mandi began to shake her head, but JJ being who he was cut her off.  “Yes, she needs tentacles.  Ovipositors with the eggs that come with.  A medium to large probably since she is……unused shall I say.”  “Oh gods above JJ, really?! Tell everyone that I’ve never had sex why don’t you, jeez.” Mandi buried her face in her hands as JJ laughed, but the woman just smiled and took hold of Mandi.  “I have the perfect stuff, come on.  Most people come in here like this, first timers, shy because of what they like but its no biggie.”  As Mandi followed the lady she looked on the walls.  Dildos of massive sizes were displayed, some had giant heads with long thin bodies while some were reversed, had a slender head but a massive shaft. Some were so large it looked like it would split her in half.  Gulping down what she knew was excitement she kept walking.  How could she be excited about her feeling like she would be getting cut in two?  Another section housed more horse cocks, small ones, medium, massive ones that looked like when fully inserted it could reach her throat.  Near the horse cocks, were wolves.  These too were in various sizes but they had knots as the bases.  Some had multiple knots throughout the shaft, going from regular at the head, knot, shaft, bigger knot, shaft, and even bigger knot.  Wouldn’t a person get stuck on that?   How would her cunt feel so stretched out that she would literally be stuck on a cock. Mandi felt sweat trickle down her back at the thought.   “You know I can tell what you’re thinking buy the looks on your face, you don’t hide your facial expressions well.  My name is Nimmie, and yes the wolf cocks do feel amazing stuck inside of you.  Too big to slide out but to big to push further in.  Your pussy trapped on an immovable object, trust me, its worth it. Worth the pain. The dragon cocks are much the same without the knots.”  Nimmie pointed towards a display case that housed a pleothra of muticolored dildos.  Some were short and fat while others had what looked like scales in different layers to add a whole new feeling as it pushed against the walls of a pussy or ass. “But these are what you’re after. Yes?” Mandi looked over her shoulder as Nimmie pointed to a blue/black wall.  Her mouth popped open as she saw so many different kinds of tentacle dildos. S-curved that ended in a point, short stubby ones that had a bulbous head, each one had different sized suckers on it, mimicking a real octopus.   “But, I think your friend mentioned ovis, you’re more interested in the eggs and the feeling of them inside you, right?  I’ve used one, fuck it was the best orgasm I’ve ever had.  But that was our old stock we got some brand new ones no one has ever tried.  They look amazing.  Here.” Nimmie reached down and under a self, pulling out what looked like long slender tube with a short flat head on top.  It was a dark mossy green that faded into yellow at the tip.  Reading the package her eyes widened at the size.  Nearly nine inches in length  and at the widest nearly two inches at the base.  But what intrigued her more was the carton that was attached to the underside of the plastic container that held the cock.  “Its eggs! Look! Turn in over, each one is in their own cum, to give you that real effect.  So what you do, theres twelve by the way.  So what you do is you have to place the cock on the floor and through the opening at the tip of the cock, you just insert the eggs, push them all down and have your fun. As you fuck it, see the little button, you push that and the didlo will start to undulate and push the eggs into you, all that cum and eggs filling your cunt up.  When you’re done, pop off and push the eggs out, and repeat as many times as you want.  The cum, its some kind of new material that doesn’t wash away, like an egg sack thing. I dunno, but I can’t wait to try it myself..” Mandi turned the package over looking it over and listening to Nimmie talk about it.  Fuck, but she was wet just imagining it.  She had watched a porn with this woman who had something similar. The eggs had fallen out of her swollen cunt, falling to the ground in pleasurable ‘plops’.  She wondered if they would sound the same falling out of her.  And could she take all twelve at once? Mandi ran her hands over the eggs, thinking about where she could place it and fuck it. That was the moment JJ ran up to her, his arms filled with lube and cocks.  “Get me outta here girlie before I go broke.  You found something?” Nodding her head, she hid the ovi behind her and together they walked to the register.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ “I know you got that egg thing girlie, call me after and tell me ALL about it! I for one am going shove these beautiful things up my ass.”  JJ kissed Mandi on each cheek and left her standing at her door with the black bag in her hand.  Excitement rode her.  Mandi could feel her slick cunt, needy and ready to take in her first dildo.  The apex of her thighs felt heavy with need yet hollow.  It was like a low ache, one that was almost painful right behind her entrance.  She could almost feel her own heartbeat in her pussy, each thump of her heart knocking at her tight entrance.  Placing her phone down, she hit record and then began to undress.  Throwing off her clothes, she knelt on the floor and positioned herself so she could watch her body take in the cock.  Once everything was lined up correctly, she opened the plastic package with trembling fingers.  The cock itself was soft and malleable, but at the thick base she could feel beads that would rotate upwards, she figured those were how the eggs would get pushed up and into her pussy.  Next she opened the eggs.  Sighing, Mandi reverently grabbed the first one.  Nimmie was right, it felt as if the egg was encased in the same slime like substance a chicken egg was surrounded by.  The clear like slime wiggled between her fingers as it slipped from her grip into palm after palm, her hands rotating to constantly catch it.  Biting her bottom lip, Mandi held it to her face and it roll against her cheek.  It felt so warm, almost as if the crate it was in kept them a certain temperature. Before she could think better of it, Mandi popped it into her mouth.  The gel like casing rolled on her tongue and nearly down her throat.  But the taste.  It was like an aphrodisiac straight to her pussy.  Juices flowed and coated her thighs as she leaned her head back and moaned, rolling the egg on her tongue and nearly down her throat. Gagging she coughed the egg up and into her hand.  She’d definitely  have to practice more on how to hold that in her mouth, maybe with the cock fucking her throat too.  Mandi fingered the cocks opening and watched as the egg slide down and into the tube where the other 11 quickly followed.   Taking a deep breath, Mandi ran her fingers through her swollen pussy, her clit was so enlarged it hurt, her fingers rubbed hard on her clit, eliciting a long low moan from her throat, then she squatted over the cock.  Her back was against a wall and with wide eyes she watched herself slowly get impaled on the camera of her phone.   Her tight pussy pushed against the head of the cock, opening her pushing against her maiden head.  She watched in fascination as her cunt spread, allowing a foreign object to be inserted, thankfully the cock wasn’t giant at the tip, but she could feel the resistance of her flesh, pushing back, not wanting anything to push past her barrier.  Her thighs burned as she lifted herself up slightly then fell back down a second time. This round pushed hard the cock breaking though and she let out a painful moan as the cock stretched her new flesh, up and down she moves, deeper and deeper her squats came as she fucked herself down nearly to the two inch base. Her pussy ached, burned as it stretched and tears welled in her eyes. It was too big!   But she thought about those wolf cocks and getting stuck, widening her stance Mandi leaned back and placed her hands on the floor and moved her hips.  Her pussy made sucking sounds as the cock moved in and out, deeper until she screamed in pain, fuck she wanted to get stuck, wanted this foreign cock with its eggs to seal her pussy as the eggs pumped into her.     Tears gathered in her eyes as she moved her legs farther out, her knees hit the floor with a sharp thud and she sat, forcing her pussy to sit down all the way on the cock.  Looking into her phone, she could see the skin stretched, her cunt swollen and red, her clit hard and ready for the slightest of touches to send her over the edge.  Taking a deep breath, Mandi lifted one leg and felt her way around the base, finding that button Nimmie talked about.  Pushing it down, the beads that sat at the base of the cock began to vibrate, rotate around and up.  Her cunt tightened its grip and her body jerked as she rotated her hips.  Fuck she could feel the eggs rising with the undulations of the beads.

“Fuck. Fuck, Fuck!” Mandi panted as her hand left the floor and slapped at her swollen clit in tandem.  She felt the first egg explode from the cock and straight into her, she could feel it right against her cervix, followed by another, then another.  Her hand slapped harder at her clit and as she moved she looked down at her flat belly, she watched as her skin moved, pushed out by the eggs filling her.

Her orgasm took root and she flung her head back and screamed.  Pressure like never before built low in her belly as she came.  Her hand never stopped slapping and rubbing her clit until it was too much and she lifted off the cock, her pussy releasing all her cum and juices in one great spasm.  She watched in awe as she squirted, the eggs falling out of her one by one with a wet slimy pop. One after another she watched as she forced her pussy to push the remaining eggs out, each one slowly falling to the floor.  Her pussy pulsed and her body trembled with aftershocks of the best fucking orgasm ever!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I’m telling you JJ I think I lost one! I have eleven eggs nit twelve! What happens if one is still inside me? What am I going to do? Go to the doctor and say hey doc by the way I fucked an alien dong, had its fake eggs shoved inside of me and now I lost one.  Can you look in my cunt and tell me what you see?”

JJ just laughed, “It probably rolled under something so stop freaking out! But look we need to go back to that store, cause girl I done used all that lube and those dildos! I’m so gaped I could fit my fist in there!” Shaking her head, she finished her conversation with JJ, thinking that he was probably right.  The eggs had come out at first so fast that she lost one.  Had to be.

That night Mandi lay curled on her side, her thoughts on sleep, her mind drifting off into nothingness, she felt a soft, wet squelch come from between her thighs.  Moaning in her sleep, her body thrashed about, wetness soaked her pussy and sheets as her legs spread by some unseen force.  Through her sleep, pain had her eyes flip open and she screamed as e cunt stretched.  Her knees bent and she rose on her elbows as she looked down her body.  One long thick tentacle slide from her cunt.  It was the same hues as the dildo, it slid from her pussy and onto her thigh, the rings of the suction cups molding to her flesh. Scrambling away, her body spasmed as the tentacle stayed stuck inside of her womb, the one long tentacle slithered off her thigh and moved up, the tip pushing through the slit of her wet core. The pointed tip flicked her clit hard enough to shock Mandi into pure pleasure.

“Ohmagod its real.  Oh fuuuck its real.” Her voice went from a high-pitched scared cadence to a low, pleasurable moan.  This is what she had fantasized about the first time she watched that damn porn.  Her fantasy becoming a reality.  The alien inside of her wiggled growing thicker, spreading her sunt much like the dildo did, stretching her to the point of pain, sealing tight.  The tip of the tentacle slide back and forth on her clit, the suction cups moving languidly over her clit, sucking and releasing each time with each suction cup.  The thick base shoved deep in her began to slither in and out, fucking her until she could no longer stand it, her orgasm tore through her body.  Her body bowed off the bed, every muscle seized in pleasure and her cum flowed from her pussy in great rushes around the tentacle. Her breathing labored she lifted her head to watch the tentacle move and slither back into her cunt, her lower belly becoming slightly pooched out where it rested in her womb.  

Would the other eleven eggs be the same? If they stayed in her would they hatch too?  How many could she keep inside of her at once?  She wanted to fond out.  Would it be like that porn?  A tentacle for every hole? Her mouth, ass and pussy all having one at the same time? Her pussy pulsed as her cum leaked from her open slit.  There was only one way to find out.  Jumping out of bed, she found the ovipositor, and began to pop the remaining eggs into the cock.  Her belly wiggled in anticipation as she positioned her phone once more, then sank low on the cock, hoping that the other eleven eggs would too take root inside of her womb.  

#sweetmisery #monster breeding #monster fucker #monsterkink #alien kink #alien fucker #alien breeding #tentacles #ovipositor

[craftingcreatures]

Today I want to talk about the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus (Octopus paxarbolis).

OK, so for those who don't know, the PNW Tree Octopus was an internet hoax created in 1998 consisting of a website detailing the animal's life history and conservation efforts. It's completely fake - saying that up front. This animal never existed.

But if you look at this from a speculative biology standpoint? It's genius.

There is one, and only one, thing preventing Octopus from colonizing and being hugely successful in terrestrial environments in the PNW, and that's the fact that no cephalopod has ever been able to overcome the osmotic stress of inhabiting freshwater. We don't know why this is; other mollusks evolved freshwater forms just fine. But if you hand-wave away that one, single limiting factor, the PNW is just primed for a terrestrial octopus invasion.

The Pacific coast of North America is an active tectonic boundary, meaning the coast transitions pretty much immediately into the Cascade and Coastal mountain ranges (contrast with the east coast and its broad Atlantic plain). It's also a lush temperate rainforest, with very high precipitation. This means lots and lots of high-gradient mountain streams with lots of waterfalls and rapids and cold, highly oxygenated water, and not as many large, meandering rivers.

This has important consequences on the freshwater fauna. For one, there are not many freshwater fish in the Pacific Northwest - the rapids and waterfalls are extremely hard to traverse, so many mountain streams are fish-free. There also just isn't much fish diversity in the first place - there's sturgeon in the big rivers, salmonids, a few sculpin and cyprinids and... that's pretty much it. These cold northern rivers are positively impoverished compared to the thriving fish communities of the Mississippi or Rio Grande.

Few fish means few predators, and depending on the size of the first freshwater octopus, salmon and trout just wouldn't be much of a threat. And while these rivers don't have much in the way of fish diversity, there's lots of prey available - crayfish, leeches, mosquito larvae, frogs and tadpoles, water striders, and other aquatic insects, just to name a few. So the first Octopus pioneers to invade the rivers would be entering what essentially amounts to a predator-free environment with lots and lots of food and no competition. Great for colonization.

These ideal conditions get even better once you get up past the rapids and waterfalls, since there's no fish whatsoever in those streams. Octopus, with their sucker-lined arms, are perfectly equipped to navigate fast-moving, rocky-bedded streams and climb up cliffs. They'd also be well able to traverse short stretches of dry ground to access even more isolated pools and ponds. In fact, once Octopus overcome the osmoregulation problem there's nothing at all preventing them from colonizing land in earnest, since the PNW rainforests are so wet; there's no danger of drying out.

Finally there's the question of reproduction. Octopus are famously attentive mothers, because they need to keep the water around their eggs moving and well-oxygenated. In a mountain stream, this wouldn't be an issue, because the cold, turbulent water holds lots and lots of oxygen. Breeding in high mountain streams would be ideal, and the mothers might not even need to attend to their eggs, freeing them up to evolve away from semelparity and allowing them to reproduce more than once in their lives; their populations would thus increase rapidly and dramatically.

I think, if octopus managed to invade freshwater ecosystems in the PNW, it would dramatically change the ecology much like an invasive species. They'd be unstoppable predators of frogs, bugs, slugs, maybe even larger animals like snakes, birds, and small mammals. Nothing would eat them except maybe herons, and things like bears and raccoons would give them a wide berth due to their venom. They would rule that landscape.

The tl;dr is that the PNW is primed for invasion by cephalopods, if only they could manage to overcome the osmoregulation problem and live in freshwater. If the Pacific Northwest Tree Octopus really did exist, it wouldn't be a shy and reclusive species on the brink of extinction; it would be a pest, an invasive, overpopulated menace you couldn't get rid of if you wanted to. I can just imagine them crawling up onto people's bird feeders and either stealing the nuts or luring in unsuspecting sparrows and starlings. They would sit in the trees and throw pinecones at hikers for fun. They would be some unholy mixture of snake and slug with the personality of a magpie and I am incensed that they only exist in fiction.

#long post #octopus #speculative biology #speculative evolution #spec bio #spec evo #pacific northwest #pacific northwest tree octopus #truly a shame that there are no freshwater or terrestrial cephalopods

[storydays]

We'll Keep This Love in a Photograph John Dory X Fem Reader

Laughter filled the clearing, as BroZone and the Pop sisters sat around the camp fire. Turns out sitting around and roasting marshmallows was fun. In order to build their relationships strong, BroZone decided to have monthly get togethers, and each sibling got to choose where they hung out, and this monthly is was John Dory's turn.

"Hey, JD! I found this photo book while I was looking for more hot chocolate, which I found by the way, but who are these Trolls?" Poppy asked, coming out with a picture book in her hands.

John Dory froze seeing the book, face falling into a sad smile as he gently took the book from the Pop Queen. "John? You okay?" Floyd asked, putting a hand on his brother's shoulder.

"Y-yeah..." The oldest Troll trailed off, clearly not in the moment anymore. Floyd shared a look with Bruce, and looked at the now open book that changed John Dory's mood.

The first picture of a much younger John Dory holding the camera , and a female Troll both grinning wildly at the camera, and they were both dressed in winter clothes, covered in snow, the female holding a pair of ski poles in her hand.

"This, uh, is another part of why I've been gone so long. This photo book is all that's left of them."

He took a few pictures out with gentle hands, and passed them around the group.

"This is...sorry, was (Y/N)...she was my wife. She used to run a ski lodge in the Nerverglade Trails with her family." He chuckled fondly, thinking of the wild adrenaline junkie Troll. "She taught me how to ski, and I taught her how to make Grandma's flavorberry pie. She had the biggest sweet tooth ever, even bigger than you two, Poppyseed and Viva."

The others looked between the pictures and John Dory, feeling the happy energy coming from the oldest Troll, as he looked back on these fond memories.

"We dated for about 3 years, before she proposed." "Wait, she proposed?" Bruce asked, tilting his head, clearly invested in the story...he was the Heartthrob for a reason, he'd always been sucker for a good love story and happy endings.

John Dory laughed loudly, making his brothers smile. "Yeah, Sweet Tooth wasn't very patient. She did what she wanted whenever she wanted, and took everyone on the ride along with her."

Branch then showed Poppy a a photo booth style picture of John Dory and (Y/N) in their wedding clothes: JD holding (Y/N) bridal style, grinning , switching their wedding clothes, both making silly faces, and finally the two sharing a kiss, holding each other close.

"Once we were married, we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves, so it wasn't a surprise when she told me she was pregnant." John showed Clay a picture of an polka dotted egg on a pillow with (second favorite color), fluffy bangs poking out, with smirking (Y/N) holding up a onesie that said, "You can stop asking now❤️." and John Dory clearly excited, frozen in time looking at the egg in awe.

Clay and Viva were both looking at a picture of John Dory sleeping on the couch with the tiny infant resting on his chest, (Y/N) looking like she was trying hard not to squeal.

Floyd smiled at the little toddler now making a face as she wore her father's goggles and a diaper, (Y/N) holding her stomach clearly laughing. "She was a wild child, wasn't she?" the second youngest BroZone member asked.

"Took after her mama, that's for sure. Her name was Cara. My little Cara Beara." Rhonda squealed excitedly, remembering the little Trolling. Bruce smiled at the little nickname before frowning. "Wait, was? John, what happened?"'

John Dory scowled at his hands, before looking sadly at the final photo that made its way into his hands. It was the last picture they'd taken before it happened. Cara was a big girl, now at the age of 8 years old, resting on her dad's back, and her mom's hand on her shoulder. (Y/N), holding 2 pairs of ice skates, but she was also wearing a pair of compression socks on her feet. John Dory was holding the camera on a stick, to do a group selfie.

"Cara wanted to learn to ice skate, and (Y/N)'s been skating since she was a kid, so obviously she was the best choice. It was going to be below freezing later that night, and we wanted to get Cara out in nature before hen. So while they were skating, I wanted to surprise them with a hot chocolate movie night snack bar. I came back to Rhonda, and I noticed it started to get darker."

JD exhaled softly, tearing up. "I went to go get them, still skating, and having fun. So I went to get them, when I saw a fox creeping towards my girls. I yelled out to them, and started running, hoping to get to them in time." John Dory flinched, as if he was relieving the moment again. "I was too far to get to them, and by the time (Y/N) realized I was saying, the fox ate them both in one bite."

John Dory pushed the palm of his hands into his eyes fighting the tears, threatening to spill, losing the battle and letting out a sob, as he continued to berate himself.

"It was my fault! If I'd been out there and skating, instead of inside with Rhonda, we would've gotten out and home safely! I'd promise to protect them, and I turned my back on them! If they didn't get eaten,(Y/N) would've taken Cara and left me because I--" John was cut off by his brothers hugging him tightly, Floyd sniffling softly.

"JD, we've seen the pictures...there was so much love between you, (Y/N), and even more so when Cara was born. You did what you could, and they're with you now, even if you can't see them." Bruce sniffed, he knew what it was like to lose a child. Brandy had 2 miscarriages before they got pregnant. "You've carried this burden that wasn't yours, for so long. It was an accident." Floyd whispered.

JD gripped on to his brothers, sobbing quietly, letting them take on some of his pain.

Poppy and Viva placed a supporting hand on one of JD's shoulders, in silent support. Viva noticed a slight glow out of the corner of the eye. She nudged Poppy, who gasped, catching the brothers' attention.

Standing a few feet away, petting Rhonda was a ghost version of (Y/N) and Cara, both of their smiles brightening when they saw the group looking at them.

"It was never your fault, Daredevil. It was an accident. But we're okay now, John." "Yeah! Now we can watch out for you, just like you did for us Daddy!" Cara yelled excitedly, before going over to hug her dad. John Dory gasped, feeling her hold on to him, before hugging her tightly back. (Y/N) came over to join the family hug. The rest of BroZone smiled softly, seeing the family together.

"Enjoy your brothers, go on adventures do you can tell us all about it." (Y/N) cooed, as she and Cara backed away and began to fade away. "Bye Daddy! We love you!" "Goodbye, my love. We'll wait for you to come home." promised (Y/N), as they faded away completely, John sobbing harder in his brothers' arm, holding that last picture in his hands.

"We keep this love in a photograph."

Wow that one got away from me lol

Let me know what you guys think!

@vacayisland

#brozone x reader #dreamworks trolls #trolls band together #branch #clay trolls #john dory #broppy #trolls branch #trolls poppy #branch x poppy #john dory trolls #john dory x reader #bruce trolls #floyd trolls #storydays #trolls 3 #trolls fandom #ed sheeran

[carcarcraziiv2]

Heartsteel Sett Boyfriend HCs

~Sett is love, Sett is LIFE. Don't get me wrong, I am barking and on all fours for all of these men but Sett holds a special place in my little heart~

P.S. Asks are open! I am open to requests! P.S.S. I am also open to other League characters, Arcane AU, etc. Just hmu :3

TW: Floof. So much floof. Pet names. You get the picture right? As always, enter at your own risk!

Sett is a l o v e r. PDA overload. Hugs? Always, without question, is up for that. Kisses? You bet your ass he will. Any second, no matter where you are, you could lean in for one and he will squeeze you up against him, and kiss you like his life depends on it. If anyone appears to be giving you some extra attention that he doesn't like, all this big guy has to do is walk up next to you (as if he isn't there already lol) and usually the person doing the thing is smart enough to know better than to continue. "Hey baby, come here. What, can't I kiss you? Let me kiss you. That's my good b/g."

Sett is second only to Ezreal in his joking capabilities. This man can JOKE, and although he is trying to joke with and or at you, he unfortunately tends to make a fool of himself because he is a massive dork. If you pull jokes on him, he doesn't really get upset or offended, but he will pretend to be. His goofy demeanor means he will put a hand to his chest acting all flabbergasted, then tackle you into a hug or onto the bed while calling you a dork. "Haha! You're so funny, but you know I've got skin of steel baby. Oh, you meant it? Yeah right! Comere!"

Sett is an absolute SUCKER for attention. He will eat it up, and if you aren't paying attention to him? You might as well be. He will pester you, throw you over his shoulder, basically DEMAND your attention. Since this is just how he is, you never have to be desperate for his attention either. If for some reason you do feel neglected, he will feel very bad about it. He will make it up to you no matter what that means. "I'm sorry I've been at the gym so much this week, band stuff has just been stressing me out. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you go with me?!"

Kisses, hugs, and everything fun= SETT. He is a fiend. He is insatiable. He will grab you up and kiss you, no matter where you are. His kisses can be goofy, fun, or downright sensual. Sometimes, when Sett is feeling serious for once, he will take his time with you. Touching you sweetly- he is so strong sometimes he is scared he will hurt you by accident. But man, it's all worth it as soon as his lips touch yours. Sett grabs your wrist, pulling you flush against him. You have to tilt your head to see him, and as he gazes back down at you he tilts his head and studies your face. "You're everything, baby. Everything." He leans down, kissing you gently, before releasing your lips and hugging you even closer.

Sett doesn't like arguing. He gets so pent up sometimes, you fear for the guy he goes up against at his boxing matches. Most of the time, when it's petty little arguments, he will figure out some way to get your mind off of it. Every once in awhile when you actually feel upset about the situation, Sett will take his time to sit down and talk it out with you. He will grab your hands, nod while you explain your side, and carefully display his own. By the end of it, the two of you are usually kissing... and by the end of that- well... "I get where you're coming from, baby. I just think we could have approached the situation differently, is all. Promise you're not mad at me? Thank the Gods. Come on, I wanna make it up to you in the bedroom hehe," He says, grabbing you by the waist and tugging you toward your room.

Sett will be very sad when you leave, or when he has to leave. He is like a little puppy dog who cries when you go (although he doesn't actually cry). He will pout, however, and his irresistible face almost makes you quit everything and stay home just to appease him. When he leaves, he will ask you a thousand questions trying to egg on a reason to stay, but you know he has to get to band practice so that Yone doesn't come pounding down your door, so you usually just give him a reason to be excited to come home later. "I miss you already, baby! Please don't make me go. Nah, look Yone loves me! He won't be that mad... Comeonnnn. Fine, but later we are getting dinner, and you are going to be desert."

#Heartsteel Sett x Reader #Sett x Reader #Heartsteel x Reader #League of Legends x reader

[bogleech]

Around a dozen people in my notes lately weren’t entirely sure how a leech and a lamprey are different so I shall talk about my two favorite wet vampires, with “scary” images only under a cut!

LAMPREY:

A vertebrate like you and me!

Big googly eyes

Rows of small, round gill openings

Having gills, it’s one of the vertebrates we call a “fish” and it’s sometimes referred to as a “lamprey eel”

Technically not an eel or related to anything else on earth other than hagfish!

Together the lampreys and hagfish are the last remaining Agnathans, jawless cartilaginous animals older than sharks!

They are quite big, several feet in length at maturity!

No species of lamprey is known to deliberately bite humans; they are specialized in preying on other cold-blooded, gilled aquatic vertebrates, like all those newfangled fish with jaws.

Not all species actually feed as adults, though.

Young lamprey are blind, transparent filter feeders that live buried in sediment!

Despite no direct relation, many species migrate from ocean to freshwater river to spawn, exactly like almost all true eels.

Good parents. Will use their suckers to build a nest out of stones and protect the eggs!

Messy and grisly vampires. Again nothing to worry about if you aren’t a fish, but those that still feed in their mature form rasp a large wound in the victim to vacuum up blood and even tissue. This is frequently deadly to smaller river fish such as immature bass and trout.

LEECH:

Annelids closely related to earthworms!

A sucker at the head end houses the mouth. On the tail end is a second sucker to help grip surfaces or “walk” like an inchworm.

Usually have a bunch of tiny speck eyes around the head, but some have eyes down the body and on the rear end too!

Most are amphibious to some degree and some live their whole lives on land in moist environments.

Only some species drink blood. Most leeches are predators of snails, worms and aquatic insects.

ALSO good parents! Some leeches leave a cocoon full of babies with its own food supply inside, like a yolk, others carry their young on their underside until they’re big enough to fend for themselves.

Careful and polite vampires. Those that drink blood create only a tiny little pinhole with their bite, using a powerful anticoagulant so blood flows freely from the surgically delicate wound. Once full, they detach and drop off on their own.

MOUTH COMPARISON: (MAY DISTURB SOME PEOPLE???)

LAMPREYS have the big, gaping circular mouth full of frightening looking teeth, borrowed by countless pop-culture monsters and, incorrectly, most pop-culture leeches.

“JAWED LEECHES,” which include most of those that will suck your blood, have a mouth so tiny it’s often not even visible, but it is surrounded with three very tiny jaws in a triangular arrangement, each covered in microscopic teeth.

There does however also exist a large group of “proboscis leeches,” which drill into the host with a needle-thin, barbed “tongue.” Very few of these feed on mammals like us! Yet another group of leeches are both jawless and tongueless; they actually swallow whole prey like a snake.

#animals #leeches #lampreys #worms #fish #biology

[tokillamockingbird427]

Random assorted Ghosts headcanons

Keegan has an intense affinity for chocolate milk. Man enjoys it so much he'd probably drink it with every meal and fill his water bottle with it if Elias didn't interfere. (Elias has caught him chugging from the jug once. It was like three am and Keegan was too tired to get a cup. It's his personal jug so no harm done, but Elias just... he can't deal with it. Cardinal sin.)

Speaking of Elias, man knows the "youngin" lingo and uses it just to dick with Hesh and Logan. Likes dropping "You're cringe." at random times just to see the his sons crumble like he verbally shot them.

On the other hand, Merrick knows the lingo, but doesn't understand how to use it. He's right like once a day with it and the splash effect from it is marvelous. (Calls Hesh cringe when Hesh complains that he's too nervous to ask out this chick he's been talking to and Logan laughs so hard he genuinely can't breathe for a few minutes.)

You know those little mini skateboard toys? Kick has a collection of those, and he's entirely too good at doing tricks with them. Hesh thinks it's so fucking cool (He likes skateboards.) but sucks at tricks. (Trains in secret to try and impress Kick.)

Logan carries a tablet on him 24/7 so he can type shit out for people who don't know ASL, but also because he has a sound effects board and likes dropping random vine booms in conversations. "Me and Kick were hanging out the other day an-" *Vine boom* "Logan I am gonna take that damn thing away from you so help me-" *VINE BOOM* "LOGAN!" He will also walk past people and do a lil fart noise, it's hilarious cus he does to to Merrick the most and it makes him so mad.

Cuter hc. Elias asked Logan what he wanted to be when he got older (When he was like seven.) and Logan answered "David!" (I am a big fat sucker for the whole "Logan looks up to Hesh more than anyone else." headcanon okay? They're so cute.)

Hesh and Logan doing dumb sibling shit like "Beating the everloving fuck" out of each other worries Merrick because he didn't have siblings, so he always has to ask Elias is he should interfere. Elias's #1 answer is always "When one of them starts crying." because he knows his kids are tough shit. (And also that they won't hurt each other on purpose.)

Logan and Keegan both have such intense sweet tooths that they can and will just eat straight sugar out of the bag if there isn't any candy or other sweets at their post. Elias keeps an emergency jar of candy... which is also just his personal stash so he doesn't have to share with the fiends.

Hesh Logan and Riley are literally inseparable. It's ridiculous. If for whatever reason one of them is actually separated from the others, it's probably for a genuinely bad reason. (They had a fight, one of them got hurt, one of them got lost, etc.)

Despite Riley being younger than Logan, they consider him the "Middle sibling." Logan is always "little brother" and Hesh is always "big brother" that way.

Logan and Hesh constantly steal each others clothes to the point where their wardrobes have just fused. They can't even remember what piece of clothing originally belonged to who. The sizing can clue them in, but also: Logan likes baggy clothes and Hesh likes fitted. So the mixup intensifies. They also just steal their dads stuff from time to time. Mainly hoodies. Irritates the shit out of Elias. (Not really.) Uses his lack of hoodies to bitch about the weather 24/7.

Riley leaves dog toys scattered all over the ghosts current post and there's always a little "easter egg hunt" when they're moving places because of it.

#call of duty #call of duty ghosts #cod ghosts #ghosts headcanons #keegan p russ #elias walker #thomas a merrick #kick (cod: g) #logan walker #david hesh walker #hesh walker #riley walker (dog)

[campwillowpeak]

Could we get Harper SFW Alphabet?

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?) Harper is super affectionate! He shows it though physical contact (if you're ok with it), acts of service, and some light teasing

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?) Absolute gremlin. Playfull bullying. Throwing rocks at your window at 2am to come out and join him for some questionable shinanigans. He's all about being an absolute goof and having a good time. Though if you ever need anything he'd insist you don't hesitate to come to him, he'll help out a buddy however he can (Whether by legal means or not :) )

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?) Harper fucking LOVES to cuddle. He'll wrap his long ol arms around you and hold you as close as he can without hurting you. Nuzzling his face into your hair with the biggest, goofiest grin… Good luck getting away from him any time soon :)

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?) He likes the idea of having a family some day, but he won't raise a fuss or anything if you're not for that! He's an excellent cook since its one of his main hobbies, and he likes to keep things fairly tidy… He isn't very diligent about laundry though… putting it away neatly anyway, he more often than not has a pile of unfolded clean laundry frequently being transfered between his computer chair and his bed. He does keep the dirty ones in the hamper though

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?) HAHAHAH Break up? HHAHAHAHA Thats funny :)))))))))))

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?) Harper already ready to get down on one knee the moment he gets you to like him back… fuck he's prolly ready before even that

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?) He can be very gentle if thats what you prefer! He's a big guy but he knows how to be careful. Soft tender hugs, holding your hand in his, gentle kisses to the cheek. As far as emotionally, with you he's more than happy to open up and let you know just how much he adores you, going on and on about every little thing about you that makes him smile

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?) He loves hugs! He'll take em any time he can get em. Hugging you close while cuddling… Hugging you from behind while you're working on something… Man could just be looking at you for a few seconds and he's just filled with the urge to wrap his arms around you~

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?) Dawg already been saying it to you while watching you sleep for like the past year LMAOOOOO

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?) Ahah… Ahahahah…. Ahahahahahah.. You remember that guy you told Harper about who was hitting on you last night? It looks like they're now on fucking fire… shame really ( ovo)

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) His kisses can range from soft and gentle to rough and firm depending on the mood. His lips are very soft n you kno he keeps those suckers moisturized He loves to kiss your thighs and neck, also leaving little nibbles as well uvu Personally he loves to be kissed on the cheek, lips, and on his scars… Just makes him feel all tingly inside |D

L = Little ones (How are they around children?) Harper is pretty ok around kids, he def tolorates them better than he does older people, especially if they match his goofy gremlin energy. He's very much one to egg them on to be mischevious and if they're all going gremlin mode you'll 100% catch him playing and messing around with them, letting them hang off his arms, giving them piggy back rides, playing video games with them, ect. He'd also be very protective of em. He def has a soft spot for kids… And if they were his own then even more so

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?) Harper isn't the most early of risers, he's a lil slow to wake up and usually goes through 2 whole ass pots of coffee before he's even functioning, then even more throughout the day He also takes a little bit of time to get ready in the morning just tending to his teeth alone, he has a whole routine for them that takes up half an hour. And expect to be spending at least another half hour even before that just trying to convince him to let you go so you can get out of bed

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?) If its not a date night or anything then usually chilling together, watching movies, playing games, doing whatever fun little activities you guys can come up with. Though he'd love to take you out frequently for nights on the town, shopping and taking you to nice resturants and events. He wants to spoil you day and night but he also knows the importance of down time uvu

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?) He'll start slow, trying to get you to warm up to him. But once you're official he'll gradually open up more and more… Though there are some things he'd rather you never find out :)))

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?) At you? Rarely if ever. At everyone else? They're on thin ice just being in the same room as him… and even more so the same room as you :)))

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?) Harper memorizes everything he can about you. Every little bit of information he can get his grubby, oversized hands on he's already commited to memory and he knows more about you than even some of your closest friends thanks to all that good ol fashioned stalking he been doing uvu

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?) When you both first reached the camp and he realized now he'd be able to openly interact with you without you easily being able to get away uvu

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?) Mega protective, the minute Harper even thinks something or someone is a danger to you he's immediately putting that big ol body of his between you and whoever/whatever it is. And if you were ever hurt? Whoever is responsible is going to be finding their subscription to breathing being cancelled real soon

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?) Oh the man is going all out on special events like those if you let him… Fancy dates, taking you to your favorite places, making you the absolute BEST food if not taking you out to wherever you wanted to eat. He'd make sure every date, anniversary, special event with him is one you'll never forget0 As for chores, he doesn't mind doin em, especially things like cooking :)

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?) He doesn't bother with small things like matching his socks. And he has a bad habit of picking at his fingertips especially when he's nervous

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Harper likes looking cleaned up but other than that his style and vibe is pretty chill. Not like grungy or anything but also not super fancy… I guess just slightly above average attention to it?

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Very much so, he wouldn't be able to bring himself to function much past taking care of his Nonna, and when she's gone he'd pretty much just… give up

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.) He makes random noises when he's bored or focusing on something, half the time he doesn't even realize he's doign it. But sometimes he'll just look at you, freeze for a few seconds, and then make some silly noise before giving you a goofy laugh

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?) He hates avacados. He also doesn't like things being super messy/dirty

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?) He talks in his sleep sometimes… Sometimes its just random gibberish, others you could hold full, if not very strange, convorsations with him while he's sleeping

[melon-cream-enmu]

Repost from old blog (bringing this here for the sake of linking it in the mc spell induced heat smut that I’m working on)

Obey me dick headcanons!

Cw horse cock, monster cock, just lots of nonhuman cocks. Can be seen as teratophilia so avoid if you wish to. First person but I don’t describe myself, just use ‘I, me, my’ and the like. I do say I want Lucifer to make me his housewife, so a gendered term there. I am afab so thats what this includes. Also asmo has/can have a pussy in addition to his cock so if you don’t like that please avoid. Mention of piss in Satan’s, but not graphic

Belphie has a horse cock and I mean an actual horse cock

Is he a cow? Yeah I mean aesthetically so it wouldn’t be a horse but shut up and let me fantasize about him lazily softly rocking his hips as the fat flat tip pops wetly in and out of me before easing it into me. Already so overstimulated and have cum so many times, the first time he pulls out there’s creamy white cum on the dark base of his cock, or however far down I could go

Levis dick is three slick purple slime looking appendages all twisting together into one ‘cock’ but as he gets closer to coming the unfurl inside me and there’s very small suckers that clamp onto my walls and he can hardly pull out if he can at all, his cock wanting to stay in me as long as possible.

Beel…..oh beel….his cock🤤large round glowing knot near the base, full of eggs to be pumped into me….so much cum spurred into me in ways to fertilize those eggs. He worked me open with his tongue and fingers for hours in hopes of opening me up as much as possible. Cant decide if it would be actual fly mutant monster creatures or demon babies with cute fly like irises and lil wet scrumpled wings that need to dry and unfurl. Maybe mutant monster baby thingies when he’s not in his rut but when he is in his rut, I’ll be prepared to be extra round and heavy with lil cute babies. Or they don’t fertilize at all unless he’s in a rut, idk

Asmos dick…I can’t decide if I want it to be a pretty thing sculpted by the Greek gods…or armored like a scorpions tail…🤔… either way he has a pussy too, or can phase between his glorious sleek cock and a gorgeous pussy with the cutest softest patch of hair neatly groomed on his mound

Satan may also have a horse cock…cuz his thing…it’s…it’s a unicorn…I don’t headcannon him having a bumpy cat like cock like I’ve seen others headcannon. I have a very love/hate relationship with Satan, and that comes into play with my absolute turn off of heavy pet play and role play aspects, so I don’t really want to headcanon him with something so…domesticated? I also want him to hate fuck the piss outta me and degrade me for it, all while using it to wetly abuse my clit with his fingers. And gOD horse cocks just sound so yummy, that big massive tip popping in for the first time, god this man would have me crying and begging for more. And don’t get me started on how badly I want him to slap his long, thick, heavy as fuck cock on my pussy until my lips are all red and I can’t handle not having it in me any longer

Mammon I’m not sure about. Stuck between textured, tapered, and with white down feathers instead of pubes, or very human like with lots of cold piercings…I don’t know, but whatever it looks like he knows how to use it. He’s whiney and loving and sweet….looking very submissive and breedable my guy keep it up

Now Lucifer…his cock is….wow. It’s thick, long, heavy, very human, but absolutely gorgeous. That’s really all I can say about his. I just want him to fuck me and call me stupid and his stupid little human, too weak to survive on my own, has to marry me and make me his lil house wife and toy

Diavolo….also…has a horse cock….dontlookatme. I just can’t think of a demon prince having a human cock. But it’s so pretty. Not like Satan or belphies(who have dark bases but green and purple on the rest of the length respectively) diavolos is a dark base with the rest being his skin color.

Barbatos. I don’t think about him a lot? I don’t know I don’t hate him I don’t adore him he just exists as a good character. His dick/s like his tail, long, slim, wet, and split off into two at the tip

#obey me smut #cream om #lucifer x mc #mammon smut #leviathan smut #satan smut #asmodeus smut #beelzebub smut #belphegor smut #diavolo x mc #barbatos smut #cream filled

[billiedeansbitch]

Hiiii, this idea just popped into my head and since u’re one of my fav writes i’d love to see ur take on it.

It can be either larissa or miranda x reader (i imagined with larissa but it really doesn’t matter), so she’s cooking or baking something and like little things just go wrong in the process which frustrate her but she keeps going until the end when the whole thing just comes out wrong (she burns it or something like that) and reader starts laughing cause it’s just a big ol’ mess until she hears larissa crying cause it was her breaking point so r is like “oh shit sorry” and tells her it’s okay and smothers her with kisses until she sees a smile

Hope u’re doing good, byeeee :)

𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞

(𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐚 𝐖𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐬 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫)

a/n: I'm a sucker for fluff and this prompt is just *chef's kiss* also I am doing good I hope you are too :>

warning/s: none.

The sound of the electric mixer buzzed in the kitchen (while she could have mixed the ingredients with her hand, Larissa believed it would be more time efficient this way) and she let it mix for approximately a minute or two as advised in the book until it became fluffy as desired. Nothing could possibly go wrong, so she read the directions once in her thoughts before repeating them loudly and clearly to ensure she didn't miss anything before moving on to the next step.

She cracked in the egg and added a teaspoon of vanilla, her hands trembling in the process. It was quite ridiculous and she was sure that if you were around, your laughter would have echoed in the room. After everything was blended, Larissa added two and a half cups of chocolate chips knowing your affinity for sweets.

And like she would know the difference between a good dough and a bad one, she scraped the side with her finger and let it dip into her mouth. It was sweet, flavourful and soft. She was a little bit impressed by this accomplishment.

“Into the baking sheet you go.” She started scooping them into balls, and transferred each into the cold metal surface with calculated distance. Sated with the outcome, Larissa smiled to herself and placed the sheet into the oven to bake for about twelve minutes.

For the whole duration of the baking process, the woman stayed planted in front of the oven, her lower back pressed on the island counter, her eyes fixated on the cookies like it would do anything to help the cookies bake. Twelve minutes later, as soon as the alarm went off, Larissa put on her floral patterned oven mitts ready to judge her creation.

When it came out, the smell was okay but not heavenly as she was expecting, then her smile dropped. This batch was unevenly baked, some were undercooked and some were burnt, she also had problems with over-spreading making all look like a big mess.

Her brows furrowed, staring at the mess in silence, thinking what she could have done wrong. That was when she took out her phone from her apron’s pocket and started searching. One potential cause was the butter, she could have overly softened the butter or overworked the dough and she blamed this to the electric mixer.

Larissa didn’t let this mishap discourage her, so she tried again, gathered a new batch of ingredients and scraped the mess off into the trash. This time she didn’t rely on the cooking book, she searched online for ways to perfectly bake cookies and looked for some tips. She preheated the oven, chilled the dough, and used the middle rack of the oven. However, something still went wrong with the cookies, it ended up tough and dense. Larissa frustratedly sighed, her shoulders sagging.

So she went over the internet again and found out stale baking powder could cause this problem so she checked the box and facepalmed when she found out that it was already expired. Thirty minutes later, Larissa came back with a fresh tray of eggs, baking soda, and some flour. She was determined to make this one work.

Sweat ran down her back, attempting again for the third time. She checked her phone. It was only two o'clock. She still had plenty of time before you came home. Although fifteen minutes later Larissa heard the front door opening and your familiar footsteps reverberating in the house.

“What are you doing?” you had a smile on your face as you inquired, shrugging off your coat while you sauntered toward the kitchen to see what your girlfriend had been up to while you were gone.

“Oh, nothing…just baking.” Larissa met your eyes in a fleeting glance, her cheeks already glowing red. She watched you from the corners of her eyes, going around the counter and planted yourself next to her, brushing her hair off her face.

“You have flour on your face, love.” you wiped it off gently with your thumb before you focused on what she was doing, and simply taunted her with your presence.

Larissa felt the growing pressure, felt how heavy your eyes were as you watched her, distracting her, “It says only a teaspoon, love.” your hand locked around her wrist stopping her from pouring more vanilla into the dough.

“Could you check my emails? See if anything’s out of the ordinary?” she requested.

You didn't think so much of it and agreed, “Yeah, of course. Right now?”

She nodded.

“Okay.”

In all honesty, she didn’t need her emails to be checked, she just didn’t want you there to witness her fail over a supposedly simple task. Baking should not be this hard and complicated, it shouldn’t be exhausting, it was designed to be relaxing and refreshing. She was supposed to be enjoying and not stressing over this. God, she just wanted to bake for you.

Somehow she still scored the next, making it three consecutive fails. This time she didn’t bother checking what went wrong, she was tired, it was her breaking point, and to make it worse, you walked in after smelling the burning sweet smell of sugar and broke into laughter.

It wasn't your intention to insult or upset her; you just laughed because it was a mess and you had been with her for so long to know Larissa wasn’t fond of messes, and this proved to you that even after being so perfect all the time, she still had her flaws.

But it was the last thing she needed from you.

Larissa undid her apron and tossed it unceremoniously on the floor, her face buried on her hands softly sobbing. She couldn’t take it anymore. She was upset and tired. She felt pathetic. She watched a fucking child baked cookies over the internet and it turned out decent so how the fuck a grown woman couldn’t achieve the same result when clearly she should be better, if not best, at doing it.

The smile on your face faltered, altered by a sad look once you saw how Larissa broke down on the floor. “Fuck.” you expressed out loud, dashing forward to where she sat.

“Hey,” you sat next to her, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She wasn’t responding. It broke you. You should have been more sensitive, should have seen the sign that it was something you shouldn’t have laughed about no matter how pure your intention was.

“Baby, I’m sorry. I only laughed because I thought it was funny because you finally messed up. It’s silly, I know, I just…you’ve always been perfect and seeing you get so frustrated over baking makes it so refreshing to the eyes and I laughed at the first chance I got when I shouldn’t have.”

Larissa stopped and turned to you, staring at you with a gentle expression, she wasn’t mad at you, she could never be. You leaned, fondling her cheek, “I should have been more careful and sensitive. I’m sorry.”

When all was said and still she hadn't moved, you began apologizing the alternative way by pressing kisses to her brow, her cheeks, her nose, her lips, everywhere.

You kept dropping another after another, more gentle, more soothing than the last, more sincere until a beam stretched her lips. Then you see the spark, one you had seen a hundred times, returned to her eyes, they looked so beautiful. She kissed back, accepting your apology. It was tender, very delicately pressed on your cheek.

You then pressed your forehead to her shoulder, catching a moment for yourself, “You almost gave me a heart attack. Seeing you like that I thought I had to go over every reason why you shouldn’t break up with me.” you let her know your thoughts, she chuckled lightly.

“Oh you did huh?” you felt her combed through your hair, planting a kiss on your head.

“Mhmm.”

“In retrospect I think it was a bit dramatic.”

“Hmm, no comment.” it was better safe than sorry. Larissa hummed as well and asked you to stand up. She did too and eyed the mess on the counter.

“We should clean this up. I need to cook dinner soon.”

When you faced her, you saw there was still a remnant of sadness in her eyes. She couldn’t hide those, not even with the smile on her lips.

“How about we try one more time?” you suggested, smiling at her, convincing her.

She was apprehensive, “Are you sure?”

“Positively sure. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll help you and if we fail we can try again tomorrow and then the day after that until we have perfectly edible chocolate chip cookies.”

Two days later, at twelve midnight, the mouth watering, warm scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies engulfed the kitchen and it was worth it as a priceless grin possessed Larissa’s lips and spun you around and kissed you.

Perhaps all that was missing was love. She had to bake with love.

#larissa weems imagine #larissa weems x reader #principal larissa weems #larissa x reader #larissa weems #gwendoline christie imagines #gwen christie #request #tooth rotting fluff

[beautiful-and-terrible]

“falling into place”

mike schmidt x reader

summary: “You meet Mike Schmidt under rather unfortunate circumstances. Luckily, he's a decent guy, and tries to make it up to you. Besides, who could say no to those big brown puppy-dog eyes?”

tags: Slow-burn, domestic, hurt/comfort, gradual friends-to-lovers, whatever the opposite of a meet-cute is, because mike is a disaster, sub!mike, dom!reader, eventual smut

Part 2

also available on my Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51690952/chapters/130675165

A sigh escaped your lips as you watched raindrops race down the window. It was a Friday afternoon, and you were an hour away from being done with your shift at your town’s local, run-down grocery store. You were working the cash register - a mindless, repetitive task that sucked the soul out of you, but it paid the bills. You didn’t mind talking to customers, when they were polite. It was usually hit or miss with the older customers. They never seemed to understand that you couldn’t accept expired coupons. Or that eggs really were $1.05, yes even for the non-organic ones.

This particular afternoon was going especially poorly. You had two people refuse to pay their bills and just walk out with their groceries, you had a screaming child in line with her mother who kept begging you to just “give the kid a piece of candy for free”, and at least three older men had told you “you’d do your job a lot better if you smiled.”

By the last hour of your shift, you were on the verge of a breakdown. Tears pricked your eyes - your feet hurt, your back ached, and your heart was still tender from being chewed out by your manager for letting those two people walk out without paying. As if you, a minimum wage employee, had the authority or skills necessary to stop two shoplifters. And besides, you didn’t really think stealing essential things like food warranted arrest or reprimand, anyway.

So that’s why when a particularly mean old bat who smelled like mothballs and cat piss yelled at you for not scanning her groceries quickly enough, you finally snapped. You slowly put down the fifth carton of prune juice you had scanned, untied your apron that had your name tag pinned on it, and let it drop to the ground.

You looked the old woman in the eyes, flipped her off, and walked out. As you passed your manager on your way to the front door, you flipped him off, too. The way his face went beet red with rage would remain in your brain as one of the funniest things you’d ever seen. You were pretty sure there was a vein in his temple about to burst.

So now you had no job. Great. You sighed, putting your head in your hands as you stood under the covered walkway that led into the store. You stood like that for a long time, just letting the reality wash over you. You knew you wouldn’t be able to cry in public, but as soon as you got home you would put on your softest hoodie and sweatpants, and have a good cry about how shit your life had been these past few months. You steeled yourself, raising your head and starting to walk towards your car.

You were about half way out into the rainy parking lot, holding your jacket above your head, which blocked your peripheral view, when you were suddenly on the hard, wet ground and your vision pulsed with white stars. It felt like you had been sucker-punched by the Hulk. You looked around dazedly, trying to figure out why you were suddenly on the ground.

Headlights beamed directly at face level as you sat up, rubbing your head. You brought your hand away - no blood, at least. But your wrist hurt like a fucking bitch. The throbbing pain got worse by the second - each beat of your heart caused the flesh around your wrist to swell up like a balloon. Or at least that’s what it felt like.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry, are you okay? I looked away for a second and you came out of nowhere I’m so fucking sorry-”

You looked up to see two very distressed, very pretty hazel-brown eyes staring down at you. A man with a mellow voice was apologizing profusely, attempting to help you stand up. You could only nod dumbly, holding out a hand placatingly.

“I’m fine, I think… my wrist really hurts,” you pouted, trying not to sound like a child but your day had been so dogshit that your usual barriers were crumbling easier than normal.

“Let me take you to the Urgent Care, it’s the least I can do…” he trailed off, grabbing you by both elbows to help you up off the wet ground. You shivered, from the cold rain dripping down your neck and from the adrenaline of the moment starting to wear off. The man helped you into the passenger seat of his car and got in the drivers side.

You looked down at your wrist - it was already swollen. Your lip started to tremble, and big, fat tears started to leak from your eyes. You sniffled, which caught the guys attention.

“Oh, hey, don’t cry. I’m sure it’s just sprained. And I’ll even try to help pay for your cast or whatever… not that I have any extra money but that’s the right thing to do…” he murmured under his breath. You glanced at him and gave him a half smile, wiping the tears off your face.

“Don’t worry about that. I just appreciate the ride. I’ve had a pretty shit day - getting hit by a car was just the cherry on top.

“Yeah, I know about shit days,” he said simply, then winced, looking in the rearview mirror. “Sorry, Abs. A pretty crap day, is what I meant.”

You turned around, confused. In the back seat was a girl of about 11 or 12, looking sullenly out the window. She shrugged noncommittally.

“Hi,” you said softly. The girl glanced at you, frowned, and turned more toward the direction of the window. You looked at the guy, who just sighed.

“That’s my sister, Abby. She’s having a crap day, too.”

“Dang. The three of us should start a club,” you said, which made the guy let out a snort of laughter. You looked at him, surprised by the display of mirth.

“So… what’s your name?” he asked, stopping at a red light. You told him your name, which he repeated before saying, “Nice to meet you. I’m Mike.”

#fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf movie #five night's at freddy's #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fanfic

[svfttachi]

Can you gimme some random itachi and sasuke hcs (fem reader)?

WC ━ 741

TYPE ━ u. itachi x fem!reader, u. sasuke x fem!reader (separate)

TW ━ smallest mention of depression in sasuke's

✎ lwk was thinking about anakin skywalker the entire time i was writing the rest of these, so... yeah idk why i had to say that. anyway, i also forgot you wanted fem reader, so i changed it up a little to adjust for that change. but anyway, i hope you enjoy!

───── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─────

u. itachi

✰ he definitely drives with one hand on the steering wheel and his other holding onto yours

✰ only ever notices you amongst large crowds of people, especially around other women

✰ he loves to help you pick out your outfits as your showing off each one for him to choose from

✰ honestly, there isn’t a single bad outfit in his eyes

✰ always keeps an arm around you, whether it be around your waist, your shoulders, or holding your hand, he will always need to keep you close by, especially in public places

✰ let’s you take the subway seat, and he’ll stand nearby with a hand in yours, smiling down at you.

✰ if you do get two seats side-by-side on the subway, expect him to push your head onto his shoulder, especially after a long, tiring day

✰ rests his head against yours as well ;-;

✰ he can cook to a certain degree

✰ like he won’t be able to make high-class dishes but he can make you scrambled eggs 👀

✰ you two clean the house together every week, often switching between chores so one person doesn’t always do the hardest job

✰ but itachi would plead with you so that he takes the harder chores if he felt you shouldn’t do too much heavy lifting

✰ speaking of heavy lifting, he will 100% ask you if you wanted a massage after your tiring day at work, and he will always deliver with the best massages

✰ your besties with sasuke btw, that was inevitable tbh

✰ he is an early riser, so you’re probably going to have to get used to that

✰ like sometimes he’d wake you up at the same time he does just so he can see your beautiful eyes 😭

✰ cuddles, cuddles, CUDDLES<3

✰ he’s in dire need of skin-to-skin contact, you just know it

✰ in fact, that’s how most of the morning goes when you’re just waking up

✰ overall, itachi is the type of guy to comfort you, be there for you, and just enjoy your presence anywhere you two are

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

u. sasuke

✰ less of a romantic compared to his brother, but that’s due to how shy and dense he is

✰ speaking of dense, you were the one that had to confess first bc there was no way he’d openly admit that to you without burning up in anxiousness

✰ sometimes, you’d have to show him that you wanted to be given affection for him to realize it since he doesn’t notice it himself

✰ but after many years of being together, sasuke will get some idea of when you want him to give you attention

✰ isn’t as big of a skin contact guy, but he is a SUCKER for some hand holding, so just hold his hand for him pls ;-;

✰ sasuke is definitely not about to open up about his feelings when he’s in a depressed state, but that doesn’t mean he wants to be completely alone

✰ give him the comfort he needs pls 😭

✰ DEFINITELY besties with naruto to the point that you even joke and prank sasuke with him, IMAGINE THAT WOW 👌👌

✰ he has his romantic moments sometimes when he surprises you with little gifts and acts of service

✰ will ALWAYS be down to go on a late night road trip or just a late night drive around the city with you

✰ in fact, he even gives you the aux/bluetooth for the tunes 👀

✰ when you’re in public, he HAS to keep your hand in his just bc he is afraid of losing you, just like with itachi

✰ super domestic like he wouldn’t normally go out during the day and would rather relax with you at home

✰ obsessed with watching movies late at night with you in his arms and a couple of blankets along with popcorn and other snacks

✰ you guys definitely own a cat, it’s a necessity i’m not sorry ✋️

✰ the two of you probs cook together since neither of you are the BEST of cooks

✰ still, the dishes you two make are just 👌👌

✰ when you guys go shopping, he insists on holding ALL of the bags bc he’s just not about letting you hold onto them on your own

✰ then ofc you guys go to the food court and he gets the most sweetest flavored drink ever, and you’re just wondering how he drinks it

✰ all and all, sasuke is your number one reserved and shy boi, but he is a good one to have some good old fun with

───── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─────

navigation ✧. ┊ gen. masterlist ✧. ┊ itachi writings ✧. ┊sasuke writings

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[have-some-facts]

Time for,

Octopi and squids!

So, let’s talk about the differences in squids and octopi.

So, octopi have eight, sucker covered tentacles. Their head is also a bit rounder and they’re smaller than squids. (The largest octopi are around 16 feet)

Squids have 10 tentacles in total. Their head is also a more triangular shape. Squids can also get really big. The largest squids getting up to 60 feet.

Fun fact, octopus and squid don’t taste the same. I’m sure we’ve all eaten squid because calamari is made from them. But octopi don’t taste like squid at all. They have a more subtitle flavour and it’s more comparable to pork or chicken.

Here is one thing that confuses me. Squidward. What do we think he is? A squid, right? I mean, his name says Squid so- he’s an octopus.

(To be very honest, it doesn’t really surprise me. That’s because in my country his name is Octo. But still, why call an octopus squidward?)

Now, I wonder how squids and octopi eat.

Well, they both have a bit of a different tactic. Octopi have venom, right (yes I just found this out and am very disappointed that the people I’m with already knew and brushed me off). Well, they use this venom to paralyse their prey. First they grab it with their tentacles and then bite it and inject the venom. Some squids also have venom.

Squids grab their prey with their tentacles and just start eating. Squids mainly eat fish and crustaceans and will sometimes resort to cannibalism. This mostly happens when they get caught in fishnets. In the first half of their lifecycle they can increase with 10 to 15% their bio mass per day.

Fun fact, you can tell the sex of an octopus by it’s tentacles. Also, octopi have multiple hearts.

After octopi mate, both of the parents die. The male octopus has to wriggle itself free from the female. Sometimes when a male approaches a female to mate, the female octopus will resort to cannibalism. Female octopi also die. They lay the eggs and stop eating. Or they’ll eat their own tentacles. Another good reason to not get kids.

Squids and octopi both have beaks as well. And not duck like beaks. No i mean full on ‘im going to rip off your finger if you touch me’ beaks.

Yea, no thanks.

And thats all. Have a lovely day!

#fun facts #fun facts with idi #octopi #octopus #squid #squids

[softie-bat]

my take on sagau ... ♡

if you cant tell , my mental sillies make me a sucker for the obsessive cult aspect of sagau (burn me at the stake i guess) but idk the whole "imposter" thing feels weirdddddd i always prefer creator!reader to be like isekai'd into teyvat yk (can you tell i used to be obsessed with the kuroshitsuji time travel au .....) ?? anyways have this while i decide if i want this to be a full series or just a mini series

notes : gn!reader , creator!reader , r is not traveler , they them used , this - like most of my writing - is self indulgent hinted with some projection , bulleted list cause its 4am when im typing this and acrylic nails suck , i mainly refer to reader as either r or creator enjoy <3 i wrote this while listening to this playlist ♡

okay so i feel like the self awareness began longgggg before this takes place ok

starts out with traveler , then albedo , then kaeya , etc

it takes a while but albedo finally finds a way to bring r to teyvat

i imagine that the acolytes can hear r when they play (esp the traveler)

if you're like me and dote on all of the characters you have they eat that shit uppppp bro

anyways so now r is isekai'd into teyvat yayyyy

it takes them a whileeeee to get used to being an all-powerful being cause like .......... ??? social anxiety ?? inability to communicate with neurotypical people ? depressive and manic eps ?????? mood swings ?????

eventually they kinda fall in the swing of things

damn if i was stuck in teyvat id just deal with it. you got some other way out ???

i view the acolytes as being obsessive in nature once r is like ....... there with them ( with due respect , that is the "creator" n all .... )

immediately wanting you to find a suitor ( or multiple )

by like the second month of being in teyvat r is WORNNNNN OUTTTT

everyone basically walks on egg shells around them oHMY GODDDDD

r has to basically beg the acolytes to stop being WEIRDDDDDDDDD

they feel weird being treated like a god ( well ....... )

they do kinda like their dreamy palace tho <3 its nice n has really cozy beds to nap in

their acolytes are also more than eager to nap with them om gee

r is a big fan of hanging out with the twins ( i like to think they're reunited when the creator comes to teyvat <3 ) they've all been to so many diff worlds they have a lot to chat about ( and also the twins are really the only charas to be semi chill around r )

oh ok random but also

r is visiting mondstadt and plays minecraft songs on the lyre and everyone goes CRAZYYYY

"it's their divinity's holy songs!!!!" cue the inner giggling cause its literally just minecraft music you memorized in like middle school

r is lowkey a huge flirt too once they get comfortable in teyvat ( they most likely hope this is just a dream and when they return home if they return home ...... that it'll have no real consequence cause it's EMBARASSINGGGG )

this leads to

well

jealousy lol

the acolytes basically beg them to find a consort or suitor or whtvr ( or even multiple :thumbsup: )

r tries to be fair and choose like 3 from each nation but cmonnnn ,,,,, wom en fdjfheskrf.vja

genshin makes me [ cries in bisexuality ] i wanna make out with like half of the characters

anyways def lots of fights between the nations about where their aforementioned palace will go ( r decides to station in inazuma , preferably near kokomi's shrine place ) and since r can still use the teleport points , it's fine by them if they wanna visit venti for some dandelion wine or zhongli for tales and tea

overlooking the whole imposter or villain au's i like to think being isekai'd into teyvat would be pretty chill

oooo r def likes to hangout / help out in bakeries n stuff

they're also besties with hu tao ( they kiss sometimes probably )

r and cyno have so many inside jokes pls help

idk maybe i'll continue this later or add onto it but im sleepy night guys

#genshin impact #genshin #creator!reader #sagau #sagau fluff #self aware genshin #self aware genshin au #sagau x reader #i love angst n gore but im also a sucker for fluffy obsession #gods pls let this reach the right ppl #i want more ppl to talk ab sagau with