#also benedicks line like 'suffer love

[bogos--binted]

okay so you know that post earlier about that awful shakespeare book well i made it (a tiny bit) more coherent 👍

why this shakespeare book my mum gave me years ago is awful

reason one                    

they cut half of the dialogue from all the scenes??? like i get these books are meant to be short versions of shakespeare stories for kids but .

examples: in act one scene one, they cut most of the dialogue between beatrice and benedick which is fair enough it goes on quite a bit but they didnt include "i know you of old"?? that line is so important to their characters and their history like??? pretty much all of beatrcie and benedicks conversation in act 4 scene 1 was cut as well . all they have for that bit is "Beatrice stood before the altar, tears coursing down her face. "If I were a man, I would make Claudio suffer for what he has done!" she declared. "I love you more than all the world, Beatrice. I can't bear seeing you so upset," said benedick. "I would do anything to comfort you." Beatrice glared at him through her tears. "Then go to claudio, tell him that Hero is dead, and challenge him to a duel!" she said feircely." which is Not Okay . they cut my favourite line of all time- "Kill Claudio" :(. in act five scene four literally EVERYTHING that happens with them between act four scene one and this scene just Didnt Happen . Literally all it says is ""Is there room for another couple in your chapel? I asked Beatrice to marry me last night, and she amazed me by saying yes."" (said by Benedick) which is NOT what happened at all???? also they cut "thou art sad.... get thee a wife!" which is Not Okay because it is my second favourite line ever .

reason two                    

on one of the pages they had a quote from the play but the quote wasnt even correct??? it said "I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is it not strange?" when the quote is actually "I do love nothing in the world so well as you: is not that strange?" ?? which is just stupid why put a quote from the play if youre going to change it

reason three                    

the cast list is just weird its supposedly in order of appearence when its really not

reason four                    

theres a line in this book thats Just Stupid its literally just "Benedick muttered under his breath." like??? what did he mutter???

reason five                    

the illustrations are just stupid

examples: in act two scene one- the masked ball scene there are illustrations for it where nobody's wearing masks?? thats Just Silly .

also

summary- This Book Is Fuckign Stupid 👍

sorry for shakespeare posting its my english teacher, my mums and david tennants fault and the reason i have those quotes memorised is because we did the scenes they're from in english

#shakespeare #much ado about nothing

[princesssarisa]

Character ask: Hero (Much Ado About Nothing)

Tagged by @ariel-seagull-wings

Favorite thing about them: Even though she's mostly a standard ingenue, I like that when she's alone with other women, she shows more wit and playfulness than she does when men are present. Also, while her lines are few compared to the other main characters', they're always nicely poetic.

Least favorite thing about them: That she's treated so badly and suffers so much, poor girl! The fact that her own father believes Claudio's accusations and curses her is almost worse than Claudio's publicly shaming her in the first place – misogyny is a brutal thing!

Three things I have in common with them:

*I'm female.

*I'm short and a brunette (if that's what Benedick means by "brown").

*I often don't talk much in public, but I'm livelier in private.

Three things I don't have in common with them:

*I've never been engaged to be married.

*I've never been wrongly accused.

*I've never had to go into hiding while other people faked my death.

Favorite line:

From her instruction to Margaret to bring Beatrice to overhear her staged conversation with Ursula:

"Say that thou overheardst us,

And bid her steal into the pleachèd bower

Where honeysuckles ripened by the sun

Forbid the sun to enter, like favorites,

Made proud by princes, that advance their pride

Against that power that bred it."

From the staged conversation itself:

"Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man,

How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featured,

But she would spell him backward. If fair-faced,

She would swear the gentleman should be her sister;

If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antic,

Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed;

If low, an agate very vilely cut;

If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds;

If silent, why, a block moved with none.

So turns she every man the wrong side out,

And never gives to truth and virtue that

Which simpleness and merit purchaseth."

Her brief speech of self-defense after her public shaming:

"They know that do accuse me; I know none:

If I know more of any man alive

Than that which maiden modesty doth warrent,

Let all my sins lack mercy! O my father,

Prove you that any man with me conversed

At hours unmeet, or that I yesternight

Maintain'd the change of words with any creature,

Refuse me, hate me, torture me to death!"

When she unmasks herself to Claudio near the end:

"And when I lived, I was your other wife,

And when you loved, you were my other husband."

and

"One Hero died defiled, but I do live

And surely as I live, I am a maid."

brOTP: Beatrice.

OTP: I'd rather not say Claudio... I ship her with happiness, whether single or with a man who trusts and respects her.

nOTP: Her father or her uncle Antonio.

Random headcanon: Her mother, Innogen, is still alive and well. Even though she's a "ghost character" who only appears in the stage directions, and Shakespeare may have meant to cut her altogether but forgot to cut those stage directions as well as her speaking part, I'd rather think she is present than ignore her. There are too many other dead mothers in fiction!

Unpopular opinion: I don't really mind that she and Claudio get back together in the end. The play's genre makes it only natural, and Claudio was tricked into thinking he saw her in the very act of cheating. I understand why most modern retellings only have them reconcile as friends, though, and I do wish that Claudio did more to redeem himself for how he treated her. Even if she had been guilty, he should have followed St. Joseph's example from the Bible and quietly broken off their engagement.

Song I associate with them:

The lament for her supposed death, "Pardon, goddess of the night".

Here's an 18th century setting of it by Thomas Chilcot, and Patrick Doyle's setting from the 1993 film.

Favorite pictures of them:

This painting by Alfred Elmore from 1846, showing her lying in a faint after her public shaming:

This illustration by John William Wright, 1849:

Cherie Lunghie being comforted by Judi Dench's Beatrice, 1976:

Kate Beckinsale in the 1993 film:

This unknown actress:

Margaret Odette, Shakespeare in the Park, 2019:

#character ask #much ado about nothing #hero #william shakespeare #ask game #fictional characters

[transasahi]

ahem.

much ado about nothing lawlight au

#went to see this play w friends tonight and could only think about this the entire goddamn time #EDIT: sorry im still thinking about this lol #but aside from how Absolutely hilarious it would be to see the task force and watari and the yagamis try to set L and light up #beatrice just has some raw fucking lines that scream light to me #also some very funny lines that Also scream light to me #like when shes mad and says 'would that i were a man i'd eat his heart in the marketplace' ???? #idk realistically light would never Say that bc he's got a performance to maintain #BUT HE'S THINKING IT #also the way that beatrice and benedick make fun of each other even after both of them have confessed their feelings?? #its so lawlight #ALSO the way theyre both so adamant they want to die single at the beginning and how quickly that gets turned on a head #its lawlight #'i love you more than anything. believe me not though i lie not. i confess nothing yet deny nothing' #ITS SO LIGHT #also benedicks line like 'suffer love? an accurate epithet. i love you against my will' #UGH #CMON ITS THEM #wow anyway #keith speaks

[katatty]

Recap: Pleasantview Round 5 (Summer)

The romance of Spring certainly went to a few heads in Pleasantview - the suburb is in the midst of quite the baby boom. But now Summer is here, and school is out! Parents are scrambling to sort out childcare, teenagers are reveling in their freedom, and with the sun shining, the mood in the neighbourhood is pretty great.

But are the families as happy as they seem? Or are some on the brink of collapse? What secrets lurk in their hearts?

The round began with newcomers Tiffany Sampson and Kevin Beare getting settled in. They adopted a puppy, got new jobs, and got to know the neighbours.

Then as Tiffany finished her first day of work in the Education career, she learned she was already pregnant!

They had a quick, slightly rushed wedding before the baby arrived.

Baby Harvey was born, but it already looks like she might be expecting again.

The round ended on a happy note, with the couple already nicely established as a family in town with a few friends!

The Dreamer family started out just as well, but things quickly started to deteriorate.

Due to a combination of bad mental health, recurring nightmares and possible haunting, Brandi Broke isn’t in a good place. Her relationship with Darren suffers for it, too.

Meanwhile Cassandra’s marriage with Don is falling apart, and Darren can’t help being sympathetic. Perhaps a little too much so.

Mia Broke, obsessed with the paranormal, gets herself abducted by aliens, much to her mom’s dismay.

She’s also eager to discuss her theories about the spooky sounds in their yard, but Brandi shuts it down.

Mia goes on a date with Benedick Monty, but it’s kind of a mixed bag.

Back home, Mia and Darren eventually talk about the possible hauntings at home. He admits to her seeing Darleen’s ghost, from time to time.

Brandi also opens up to Mia about her father, Skip.

And Mia is vindicated to finally some ghosts herself!

I played the Lotharios next since I was interested in what was going on with Cassandra.

Cassandra and Don’s relationship has had its ups and downs - neither of them has been 100% faithful, but they’re dealing with it. Maybe? Between raising the twins and focusing on their careers there hasn’t been a ton of time for marriage counselling.

Don’s been feeling a bit isolated, recently. Outside of his family and his coworkers, he doesn’t really have a lot of friends. That’s been deliberate, to an extent. The fewer people around him, the fewer temptations to stray outside of the marriage.

For the most part, it’s been working. But a chance meeting with Nina Caliente has him feeling… confused.

The kids are doing fine, the parents not so much.

She’s always in low aspiration, lately, ever since her Dad passed away. It’s been hard getting on her feet since then, and Don going on about needing “me time” doesn’t help. She needs his support right now more than ever! Why doesn’t he get that?

They don’t talk about it, but both of them are feeling very alone, and starting to lose faith in each other...

Meanwhile, the boys age up. Bernado’s a popularity sim and Cassimiro’s knowledge.

Eventually, things in the marriage finally explode and Cassandra tells Don about Darren, trying to get a rise out of him.

Don immediately retaliates by woohooing with Sharon Wirth on a grocery-run.

After a cool-off day, they agree to break things off, and Don moves out.

He moves in, temporarily, with Bella. Who is insistant that he and Cassie try and patch things up!

He’s more interested in exploring new options, though.

Bella is devestated to lose her job as a party guest.

Meanwhile Oliver Goth (Dina and Mortimer’s son) gets his first kiss with Ariel Capp! Later he goes on a date with Tommy Ottomas, too.

At one of Bella’s parties, Cassandra and Don keep things civil, but Cassandra evidently isn’t doing well.

Bella goes on a date with Gilbert Jacquet. It’s not really all that serious between them, and Bella still misses Mortimer dreadfully, but Gilbert is charming and handsome enough to take her mind of her worries.

Things with Bella and Don also seem to be getting a little heavy, and Don concludes he needs to move out before things cross a line. Bella reluctantly agrees, it’s obvious her plan to get him and Cassie back together hasn’t worked

Don moves to Strangetown!

Next up are the Ramaswami family, a nice breath of fresh air after all the drama.

Priya befriends some of the other mothers in town, becoming especially close to Kaylynn.

And baby Ravi gows into maybe the coolest toddler ever?

Sanjay survives a near death experience.

And Priya finds out she’s expecting again!

Divorced once and with the girls having just graduated college, Daniel Pleasant didn’t expect to be engaged again with a kid on the way as he approached retirement age, doing it all over again. He’s far from unhappy about it, though. Mary Sue always had an independent streak, but Kaylynn adores him. Maybe it’s a bit selfish, but it feels so good to be needed.

Kaylynn knows some people in the neighbourhood look down on her, think her naive, call her a homewrecker… that’s fine. If they worked as a cleaner for years and years maybe they’d consider packing it in and settling into an easy life, too. What’s wrong with wanting to be taken care of?

Notably (and much to my horror) during the Pleasant round, Brandi and John start up their affair again.

Kaylynn finally gives birth, to a baby boy they call Jeffery Pleasant, after Daniel’s father. Daniel’s really pleased!

Jennifer’s eager to meet her new nephew. She and Kaylynn get off to a rocky start, but eventually start to bond.

She’s closest friends with Brandi Broke, though. The two have become inseperable, with Brandi visiting all the time.

Daniel invites both of the girls over to meet their little brother, but Angela is the only twin who shows. Whether that’s because they have a better relationship, or because Lilith was just busy is anyone’s guess.

Then it turns out Kaylynn’s pregnant again already?

Kaylynn and Daniel tie the knot!

Nina and Don also reconcile at the wedding.

Kaylynn gives birth to another baby boy, Luke!

And Jeff ages upp!

Daniel ages up, too. It’s finally time for him to retire, soon...

Daniel’s definitely a bit of a dirty old man, but Kaylynn doesn’t seem entirely oblivious to that side of him, and figures as long as she keeps his needs met they should be fine. We’ll see if that holds up.

Then it was time to catch up with the Shoreharts, who moved here form Widespot for a fresh start.

A retired chef, Sandy’s enjoying her retirement a lot more than she ever enjoyed being a stay at home mom. Granted, all this free time has her a little restless, but it’s nothing a bit of time outdoors and excercise can’t fix. She hopes.

They were honestly pretty chill! Rhett’s taken to the whole marriage thing suprisingly well, for a romance sim. Turns out, as long as he’s getting lovin’ on a regular basis he doesn’t really care if it’s with one woman or several. It’s never boring with Sandy, and he intends to keep her as happy as he can for the rest of her days. That’ll show her shit-heel of an ex-husband.

Mostly they just spend a lot of time with family.

Sandy’s very generious with the backrubs, but nothing goes too far.

Mimi is definitely at least a little anxious about her parents’ marriage though, because she spends some of the round reading up on Couple’s Councelling.

Then it’s time for her to age up! She grows into a rather cute romance sim.

Then at the party the house of cards starts to crumble, as Sandy gives her ex-husband Hamilton a kiss, right in front of Mimi and Rocky.

Mimi agrees not to tell her Dad, but isn’t happy. She spends a lot of time out of the house.

With Sandy keeping her indescretion quiet, I’m not sure what they have in store in the future!

Regardless, next are the Ramirez family.

Tessa’s spent a lot of time looking afte rthe baby and she’s sick of it! So she spends some time Downtown with friends.

She later takes Bernardo on a date, although he’s not sure if he likes her as more than a friend. Bernardo likes the idea of falling in love with Tessa, who he’s always admired! But he’s a little hesitant at the same time, especially with his parents’ divorce still being so recent.

Checo has a bit of a wandering eye, but mostly he keeps himself in check.

Checo might be a bit of a flirt, but at least he’s not a hypocrite. When Lisa was dancing with Skye he didn’t even bat an eye. Or maybe he just doesn’t see an old man as much of a threat…

Ugh, God, I forgot this happened

Baby Sofia grew up super cute!

Anyway, that’s all from them!

The Oldies weren’t too eventful, mostly just focused on hobbies!

They did finally meet Mary’Sue’s new partner, which went... poorly.

But they did have a nice meeting with their grandaughter later, and a fun night out!

Then it was the Burbs! John’s recent indescretions with Brandi aside, things seemed to be going well.

At least, until he made out with Coral Oldie :/

Oblivious to thins, Jennifer was starting to trust John again.

They had dinner with Jen’s brother Dan and his new wife...

And Jennifer discovered she was pregnant again!

Lucy headed away for college...

And baby James grew up, leaving the Burb round complete and Pleasantview all done & dusted!

#Pleasantview Plus #Hood: Pleasantview #pp: recap

[retvenkos]

“how do you say ‘i love you’ in french?”

requested BUCKLE IN, FRIENDS, BECAUSE WE’RE HOPPING THROUGH REALITIES TO SEE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE DATING FINCH CORTEZ IN A MODERN! HIGH SCHOOL AU...

first of all, finch is on the track team and is that special kind of jock where he has jock level confidence but is also an obnoxious nerd, so he’s too dorky to be a jock™ but also far too jock-like to be anything else

it’s about the soft interior and the fake bravado, amirite?

and since he’s on the track team, you can always catch him after school, running around the school.

(my high school had a lot of stairs, so the track team was always running up and down them, going up one hall and down the next. dodging pedestrians was an added challenge, ig)

before you were dating, whenever he would run past you, he would say hi and give you the biggest smile. sometimes he’d give you a compliment (mostly about your accent in french class, because he’s terrible and the two of you share the class). once you start dating, thought, he’ll tell you the most terrible pick up line you’ve ever heard. romeo told them to him. double points if it’s in french (and you get to laugh while he slaughters the accent)

but also.... you know what dating a jock means...... you get to steal his track sweatshirts.

at some point, finch finally wises up and buys an extra one so that he doesn’t have to steal it back every time he needs to wear it the day before a match for team morale.

sometimes, though, you’ll steal both and finch will have to barter with you to give it back. a sure way is to promise that you’ll be able to choose where you go get food at lunch, because istg, every day you end up going to subway. finch is the poster boy for subway sandwiches, and no one even knows why.

there’s only so much sandwich you can take..... 

also,,,,, may i suggest to you,,,,, sitting on the bleachers of the school and watching the sun set or rise.

finch wakes up at ungodly hours in the morning, so if you’re a morning person (or if he can just convince you to go with him) you’ll stop to get coffee and bagels and you’ll just watch the sun come up, joking in bright tones, your knees touching and your smiles wide.

alternatively, you convince finch to sit on the bleachers with you and watch the sun go down while you snack on french fries or shakes, and you get to talk in hushed tones, and deal with a sleepy finch, who likes to rest his head on your shoulder.

but i figure you guys go on a lot of casual or impromptu dates. 

like, you guys are constantly going to outdoor malls, just milling about and trying on ridiculous hats and sunglasses from various stores. you guys take a lot of photos, but finch is actually really bad at composition, so the ones that turn out are always yours.

or finch will text you randomly and be like, “do you want to go to the park?” and you’ll text back, “i have history homework :(” and he’ll tell you that if you go to the park with him, he’ll tell you everything you need to know about the byzantine empire.

so canon era finch uses a slingshot, yeah? well, we all know that little finch had a slingshot in this au, but when he gets older.... finch gets really into paintball.

you guys go together on at least one (1) date, and at first your on the same team (probably against tommy boy and hot shot) and you win by a landslide. the second match tho, you’re on your own and you get hit so bad. finch is a sharpshooter and he’s fast. he’s untouchable. there was no way you were ever going to get out of there alive.

oh, but remember how i said the two of you were in french together? well, the  l a s t  thing you ever want to do is partner with him on an assignment. 

because partnered assignments usually involve presenting, right? well, finch gets the worst nerves you’ve ever seen, and most times he’ll try to skip out entirely. other times, it’s beyond his control and he has to miss class for track. either way, it spells disaster for you.

and also, finch 100% doesn’t care if you don’t partner with him for an assignment (tbh, he probably encourages that you don’t) so not choosing him is kind of the way to go.

but since it’s been a running gag that all of the newsies have english together, you clearly have this class as well and... i’m so sorry....

on the one hand, it’s a riot of fun. there’s always something happening, and finch is always holding your hand beneath the desk, rubbing his hands over your knuckles

he’ll always volunteer to read during the shakespeare unit, and half of it is so he can be the one to make all of the d*ck jokes, but it’s also so he can do the overly dramatic soliloquies that make you stifle a laugh (his favorite sound), or so he can make the teasing one liners and toss a wink your way, or even do romantic declarations of love. he can be so over the top, and it can be so endearing.

also,,,, if you two were to ever do a benedick and beatrice scene.... i’m not saying it would be iconic, but it would be iconic.

you definitely suffer a lot of teasing in this english class, but i have no doubt you can dish it out just as quickly as they serve it, and it’s one of the many reasons why finch looks at you and he’s just... starstruck.

also! i have this very important headcanon where i think the two of you walk to school or like... idk take public transit together or something. i just think it’s very important that the two of you spend time together in the mornings, listening to music together and sharing trail mix or pop-tarts in the mornings where everything is still a little misty, but the sun is coming up, and there is anticipation in each of finch’s steps.

also,,,, i know for a fact that you call him your songbird, and it’s inevitable that jack and race call the two of you ~lovebirds~ and then romeo tries his best impression at a bird call (finch is way better at them, and it only fuels the fire)

AND FLUFF ENSUES.

taglist: @lotsoffandomrecs, @neelia-thedaughtherof-athena, @catsbooksandmusic, @amortensie, @captainshazamerica // add yourself to the taglist here!

#newsies #finch cortez #finch cortes #finch cortez x reader #finch cortez x you #finch cortez headcanons #finch cortes x reader #finch cortes headcanons #finch cortes x you #reader insert #headcanons #fluff #modern au #high school au

[jojodelaguerras-wooden-stick]

Ralbert but much ado about nothing style

Albert is Beatrice, Race is benedick

Just like act 1 scene 1

Al is like has the dumb bitch returned from war

And then later on he's like to race shush no one's listening

And then race's like >:0 you alive yet u little shit

And then they spiral and fall in love but out of spite

Finch, jack and JoJo are all messing with him while he's having a shower or something in the lodging house

And they're all outside the stall just claiming how Albert loves him

They're saying "oh Albert is writing love letters to race, and he's so overly stressed by how race hasn't noticed :(("

I honestly forgot the lines but no matter

And then race is like >:00

Albert loves me??? And I do not love him back?? So he suffers??? I shall love him!!!!

Meanwhile

Albert overhears Kath talking to crutchie while hes selling papes and sneaking around

Both are very aware of his presence but pretends not to

And they very loudly describes how Race is in love with him

I forgot what hero said about Beatrice so uh sorry

And then later on the strike and all

And then jack is in love with Katherine

But plOt tWist

Jack finds out about Pulitzer's relation to kath and then

At the rally, he calls out and stuff

Kath feels so betrayed

And then race and Al are watching like >:0

And then they're alone in the corner of the theatre or something

And race is like bro u okk

And Al is like bro my friend is hurt

And race is just so awkward there not knowing what to do cuz he's also hurt by jack

But at the same time, doubting if Kath did betray (like how Benedick also wasn't sure if hero did betray but he's a good man and believed hero unlike the other shitty men)

And then it gets awkward

And race suddenly goes I DO LOVE NOTHING IN THE WORLD SO WELL AS YOU

Idk about you but that's professional confession best way to reveal your feelings 10/10

And Albert's like :0

And then if u love me "kIlL clAuDio jack"

No don't kill jack, maybe like leave jack he's not one of us anymore

And then race is like

Hhhh o ok I will fite

B u t

Jack comes back, continues the strike and they win

And then race is like celebrating and all with albert

And then he's like yo dude

*gets down on one knee*

Moral of the story, much ado is better than Romeo and Juliet it deserves more love

Watch it, esp the grand theatre production 11/10

#newsies #headcanon #racetrack higgins #albert dasilva #ralbert

[ckret2]

Anon from PDA review (again, I’m sorry if I’m getting super annoying): just read your fic, “I Realize I’m the One” and it was amazing! I ended up liking it more than PDA, because of the happy ending. (Also, I think I might just be really into seeing Alastor get embarrassed.) I loved how he tried to make it into a performance (to separate himself from it) and Sir Pentious wasn’t having any of that! It ties in so well with your excellent analysis of Alastor you wrote a while back (1/?)

What is it with so many people these days thinking that gushing to an author about how much they like their stuff is annoying? Lemme assure you—and every single person on the Internet—that it’s the opposite of annoying, and just about every author on the planet is sitting at their computer hopefully waiting to get long excited comments.

Some characters... it’s just satisfying to embarrass the hell out of. Especially the smug assholes who act like nothing has ever embarrassed them in their lives. I love Alastor to death but he is the smuggest asshole in history.

And YEAH I feel like Alastor’s default reaction to just about everything is Slap That Radio Host Persona On Top Of This Situation, it takes effort to rip that off.

Replying to your other part under the cut:

Anonymous said: (2/?) About how he always talks like he’s on a show, that was really helpful for how I write him too. There was one line that was like, “Alastor was out wandering the streets looking for dinner” and I was wondering if that meant looking for someone to kill and eat, or looking for a restaurant. (Could go either way with this guy.) I liked the part where Alastor reveals he’s done this many times before, for some reason I thought he hadn’t, and that got a laugh out of me. Same with Sir P chasing...

😂 I left the “looking for dinner” line ambiguous on purpose, I was hoping someone would wonder which it was. I figure he was planning to dine on with whatever (or whoever) catches his eye first.

Anonymous said: (3/4) him out with a gun and how Alastor blew up his car, but did truly feel guilty about it. I like how for Alastor shame and arousal are very closely linked, and how you write his demisexuality (or asexuality if that’s what you were going for here!). The microphone’s contributions were wonderful, and I am living for Sir P’s snarky, unimpressed reactions to his disaster ex. Sorry that this review isn’t very good (it’s just a list of obvious stuff I liked) but I just wanted to let you know...

I’ve sorta got a handful of versions of Alastor in my head that I pull out to play with depending on what I want to do with a particular fic (and, specifically, how self-indulgent I want to get on the Alastor Being Obsessively Attracted To Sir Pent front), all of which are on the ace spectrum but at different points. Fics like Slippery When Wet, An Unspecial Occasion, and CDIH, I’m writing him as very explicitly no-sexual-attraction-at-all asexual, to the point that he’s sort of skeptical that attraction works the way other people say it does, and when he is doing anything sexual it’s rooted in romantic/aesthetic/sensual attraction and a desire to have fun with and/or pleasure his partner. Fics like PDA, Eggs Benedicked, and I Realize I’m the One, I’m writing Alastor as demi-ace—because I want to play with him suffering with that attraction. (The fact that Alastor is demi in all those fics is one of the main reasons they’re incompatible with the “canon” CDIH continuity, because when I write the actual full-length sequel, I intend to keep characterizing him as ace-ace, not demi-ace.)

But no yeah I’m kinda digging the shame/arousal link going on in all three of those fics too lmao.

Also: most reviews are lists of obvious stuff people like. Authors love getting that. You’re good.

Anonymous said: (4/4) what I thought, since this was a similar premise to PDA but actually went in a happier direction. I kind of feel that Alastor getting shamed is a necessary part of the healing process for these two baddies. Trying to give decent reviews through anon asks is honestly really annoying with the character limit, so I’ll stop writing them if you want, but I love your work so much I really wanted to write this. Thanks.

Hmm. Necessary? 🤔 Not sure about necessary, but... for me, “fully, deeply, and genuinely acknowledging just how much he fucked up” and “becoming honest and open with his actual real feelings” are the two main components necessary for the healing process. That can take the form of “emotional self-flagellating” and “VERY LITERALLY exposing his true feelings to an audience” which, when combined, is definitely gonna result in a whole lot of shame, so that’s one way to kickstart the healing process; but I think there are other ways to get the same results, and that’s one of the things I’m gonna be angling for in the "canon” CDIH sequel.

#(this got long) #(so sticking it under a cut) #(I'll answer your standalone ask tomorrow when I'm procrastinating on my 7th spicy week prompt) #anonymous #ask #about my writing #hazbin hotel

[chiseler]

A Smelling Salts Tigress: Laura Hope Crews

When Laura Hope Crews first appears in The Silver Cord (1933), she seizes the space like the experienced theater star she was, arms and furs flying, crying for her son: “Dave boy!” It’s the kind of entrance that seems meant for entrance applause, and Crews earns that courtesy from the moment she arrives, or even before that, when we hear her off-screen (or off-stage) voice. As Mrs. Phelps, a smother mother of monstrous proportions, Crews acts at the highest possible level of intensity.

It’s hard to keep track of Mrs. Phelps’s passive aggressive and sometimes just aggressive aggressive tactics to sever the marital engagements of her two sons David and Robert (Joel McCrea and Eric Linden). Mother Phelps descends, sometimes, to outright cattiness: “That dress needs distinction…and a figure,” she says to David’s fiancée (Irene Dunne). She’s fond of crying, “I haven’t a selfish hair on my head!” but she’s so obvious a manipulator that her sons seem a little dim to be taken in by her incessant posing at motherly self-sacrifice. Crews plays her like a drawing room wild animal who must always keep up the most furiously gripping kind of playacting if she is to keep her sons, and her audience, in her thrall.

“I nearly died when Dave was born!” she cries, then reminds her victims, in a quieter voice, “He was a twelve-pound baby, you know.” When Crews gets her claws into Linden, it feels like Mrs. Phelps has an almost hypnotic effect on her son; one silent look from her and he is practically her slave. When the chips are really down, when her sons are on the verge of seeing through her, Mrs. Phelps complains of heart trouble. She is a virtuoso of the guilt trip, and she can be outright comic, like Barry Humphries’s drag character Dame Edna Everage insulting a member of her audience “for their own good.”

“Isn’t your mother your best friend?” she asks Linden’s Robert, who keeps retreating into her lap and bosom and letting himself be kissed lingeringly on the mouth. Crews’s grand, raspy voice is full-throated and almost unvaryingly passionate here, but she’s scariest when she speaks in a more normal tone of voice, as when she pulls a phone out of a wall socket and quietly tells Robert’s fiancée Hester (Frances Dee), “You are the only person in the world who has ever forced me to do an undignified thing.” For most of its short running time, The Silver Cord is the record of a performance by Crews that has the force of a natural disaster, a purely destructive hurricane gale, something and somebody that cannot be explained away, even when playwright Sidney Howard has her try to justify her incestuous “romance” with her sons in the final scene.

The Silver Cord had been a success for Crews on stage, too, in the 1920s. She was born in 1879, the daughter of a stage actress, Angelena Lockwood, and Crews went on the stage herself at the age of four. She was Beatrice to John Drew’s Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing, and played Judith Bliss in the original Broadway run of Noel Coward’s Hay Fever. As a young woman, she had a major hit in A.A. Milne’s Mr. Pim Passes By, and she was still reviving it in the late 1920s when she engaged Bette Davis to play an ingénue role. Davis was filled with nervous energy already, and she tended to circle her arms around, which stirred Crews’s ire.

“Miss Crews, famous for the use of her lovely hands, made it very clear from the start that no good ingénue waved her hands about,” Davis wrote in her autobiography, The Lonely Life. Davis tried to keep her hands at her sides, but at one point during the dress rehearsal she moved them to emphasize a line and felt a slap on her wrist from behind, delivered by a furious Crews, who was not only starring in this old-time vehicle but directing it herself. Davis counted to fifty, held her temper in, and kept her job.

Gloria Swanson called Crews to Hollywood to work with her as a vocal coach for her first talking film, The Trespasser (1929) at the suggestion of director Edmund Goulding, who told Swanson that there was “no one in the world with a better ear for the spoken word.” Crews repeated her Silver Cord triumph on film and made a few more movies in small roles before coming to her second major film performance, Prudence in George Cukor’s superlative version of Camille (1936) with Greta Garbo.

Marguerite Gautier, the extravagant courtesan played by Garbo in Camille, orders her dresses from Prudence, who lives off her shop but also off spare money from her various strumpet friends. She’s always giving Marguerite “motherly” advice, but if Mrs. Phelps is the worst mother imaginable, then Prudence has all the motherly instinct of a barracuda. Crews wears rather low-cut dresses here that barely cover her bosom, and she goes all-out with Prudence’s vulgarity and ill-temper. At a rowdy dinner party at Marguerite’s apartment, Prudence uninhibitedly takes off her shoes and sticks her feet up. A dirty story is told round the table, and it is said that the story is as old as Prudence, to which she replies, “I’m 36!” This gets met with a shriek of incredulous laughter (Crews was 56 at this point), and to Prudence’s credit, she joins in the laughter wholeheartedly.

As Marguerite retires into her room with her younger lover Armand (Robert Taylor), Cukor shows Prudence smoking a cigar in close-up, and in this close-up, Crews is as lively and convincing a picture of worldly, hedonistic corruption as has ever been offered in movies. When Marguerite drops Prudence’s purse out a window to get rid of her in a later scene, Crews gives an invigoratingly theatrical line reading as she cries, “What a girl! What a te-ease!” at the top of her vocal register. There is always, with Crews, a hysteria running underneath her vocal attack that she can barely suppress, and this accounts for her rare excitement as an actress. Somehow it never gets monotonous because she is able to work a lot of variations into what is, at best, the ultimate in theatrical authority, in keeping an audience, and often the other characters, in her grip.

“Wine used to go to my head and make me gay!” Prudence says, after a boozy wedding. “Now it goes to my legs and makes me old!” This is a magnetic woman, and it’s easy to want her to reveal a good-hearted impulse or two as Marguerite suffers and dies, but no, Cukor and Crews end their portrait of Prudence on a pitiless note. In her last scene, she not only takes the last of dying Marguerite’s money, but she also cruelly mentions that Armand is back in town and hasn’t tried to see Marguerite. As has been said before, Prudence is a “vulture” and “a dreadful old woman,” and some people just don’t have good hearts or good impulses, in fact, quite the opposite. Prudence administers a kick when Marguerite is on her deathbed just for the pleasure of it, the same pleasure she takes in cigars and brandy and weddings. This is a thoroughly loathsome woman, as bad or even worse than Mrs. Phelps, and Crews plays her unsparingly.

Crews entered folklore as Aunt Pittypat in Gone with the Wind (1939), an Atlanta lady with horns of curls always quivering on her head as she shakes with genteel anxiety and asks for her smelling salts, and after that she played a few more bits before coming to work with Bette Davis again in The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942), after Davis had become the biggest female movie star in the world. Crews played a bit role that was later cut. In her behavior on the set, she proved that she herself was more generous than the roles she often played.

“Past all power and desire to slap ingénues, she was now coaching them in speech and accepting small parts in films,” Davis wrote of Crews. “I think she fully expected anything from me. I had dreamed of a reversal of position for many years.” But Davis decided against outright revenge. “I welcomed Miss Crews warmly and with great deference,” she wrote. “No doubt she would have preferred not being robbed of an ex post facto justification of her high-handedness…When the picture was over, Miss Crews came to my dressing room. She handed me a box—and was gone. I opened it and inside was the most beautiful watch—pearls and diamonds on the back—that I had ever seen. This was her belated apology. She died six months later. It is one of my truly cherished possessions.”

by Dan Callahan

[malvoliowithin]

Marley Rates Every Shakespearean Play*

Now that I have read every play by William Shakespeare* I think it’s time to do a rate of them all. Hold on to your horses, my friends, because this is probably going to get long. 

Tragedies:

Julius Caesar: 8/10 I liked this one better the second time I read it. I still think parts are a bit slow, and some of the inherent drama seems to take a weird pitfall after they actually kill Caesar, and then there’s the war that pops up out of nowhere and gives the plot a significant change midway through. Still, though, the dialogue? Perfect.  Antony and Cleopatra: 7/10 I liked this one worse the second time I read it. Antony and Cleopatra aren’t likable but their deaths are still upsetting and I really like the dynamics between most of the characters. Unfortunately this one suffers a bad case of ‘fifteen plot lines going on at once, also let’s go to Syria for Reasons’  Coriolanus: 6/10 This one starts off mega slow but gets considerably better later on. Points for the dialogue being so awkward at points that it’s amusing. Also points for being mega super obviously gay all over the place (even more so than most Shakespeare plays, honestly.) Romeo and Juliet: 6/10 I like the idea and presentation of this one but it’s so overrated that it tends to get old quickly. It’s good but it’s not that good. Also, Capulet isn’t given enough credit for being a terrible father. Awful. The worst. 0/10 for good parenting. Also, WHAT HAPPENED TO BENVOLIO. Macbeth: 7/10 high score for things like witches, pretty speeches, blood, ghosts, usurpations, and being short enough to not get tedious. Low score for “what, you egg” and “O, by whom?” Hamlet: 3/10 This one really sells the point of wanting you to feel for these characters but they’re all so angst-ridden that I do not. Okay mostly Hamlet. Actually, almost exclusively Hamlet, but he’s on stage ALL THE TIME and never shuts up. Ever. (Although notably I didn’t like anyone else in the play either.) Othello: 10/10 This play, of all the tragedies, hurts me the most. It might be the ONLY one that actually makes me feel a sense of tangible loss. Iago is brilliant and horrible, Othello is noble and the downfall of his character is painful to watch, Desdemona is wonderful and even the side characters like Cassio and Rodrigo are likable, even in their stupidity.  King Lear: 6/10 I WANT to like this one but Lear continues to not impress me and I don’t know why. I love Edmund, I love the sisters, heck I don’t even necessarily have anything against Lear. But I dunno. It just doesn’t do it for me. Maybe it’s cause I don’t care for Kent much. Titus Andronicus: 5/10 This one has to be read as a comedy to keep from being ridiculous because otherwise what in the fresh hell. You tried, William. You tried.  Timon of Athens: 1/10 “Why aren’t there more plays about financial problems?” asked no one ever. And here’s why! Okay, yes, it’s about a guy who loses his money to his sleazy friends so he curses society and goes to live in a cave. And while that’s #relatable, any play about money tends to get dry after about 15.5 seconds.  Histories:

Henry VI (part 1): 8/10 despite having almost no Henry and occasionally lapsing into weird moments like Mortimer dying and Excess of Talbot and Bedford being carried into the middle of the street whilst dying (?) it also has pretty awesome stuff like The French™ feat. Joan of Arc and Dunois, Talbot being cool, and the beginnings of the Wars of the Roses.  Henry VI (part 2): 6/10 This one was the least intelligible and most dry of the Henry VI plays in my opinion, but I need to reread it. I loved the Duchess of Gloucester, but the plot about the rebellion midway through came out of fucking nowhere and also went nowhere. It probably made sense if I knew the history but even after reading about Henry VI I still have no freaking idea what that was. Also, Margaret was pretty creepy in this one and I dunno.  Henry VI (part 3): 9/10 the best of the Henry VI plays, this one has the most coherent plot and starts to focus on character rather than circumstance. We get a clearer and more tragic view of Henry, Margaret becomes fully realized, York is in full swing and his sons are introduced and awesome. It’s still a bit cluttered but it really feels like Shakespeare hits his stride here and does it wonderfully. Richard III: 9/10 I love this damn play so much. It stops worrying about throwing in a ton of history details and Shakespeare just goes ‘screw it, let’s go for broke on character’ and MAN does he deliver. Richard III is without a doubt Shakespeare’s best antagonist and probably in the running for best character. Also, the ending. Extremely satisfying. Also painful. Also there’s murder in like every scene and who doesn’t love a good off-stage death? Richard II: 10/10 WHY DO MORE PEOPLE NOT KNOW OF THIS PLAY? You like amazing speeches? Check. You like ridiculous melodrama? Check. You like complicated, relatable tragic heroes? Check. You like crippling betrayal? well find a production that does that lmao but check I guess You like humor? Romance? Having your heart wrenched? Suspense? Intrigue? Existential crises? Gage throwing? Cameos of later famous characters (I see you, baby Hotspur) THEN GO WATCH THIS PLAY. GO. DO IT. DO IT NOW.  Henry IV (part 1): 8/10 Good shit: Hotspur. Falstaff. Hal’s arc. Henry’s crippling self-doubt over the overthrow and death of his cousin. The tension between Hal and King Henry. Hotspur’s “I’m gonna teach a bird to say Mortimer’s name and then give it to King Henry lmao” speech. Mortimer. Lady Mortimer! Bad shit: Excessive Falstaff? Hal being a jerkwaffle? Unnecessary use of Backstory that makes the play occasionally not make sense if you aren’t familiar with Richard II? Henry IV (part 2): 4/10 Basically just Part 1 except with the good bits taken out, and longer, and more boring. And Henry dies. A few good speeches but eh.  Henry V: 10/10 because Charles is in it. Yeah that’s right. I’m giving this play a 10 because it put a cameo of my son I’m nothing if not predictable. But also, it has Fluellen, and Henry being an Ambitious and Confident Young King who is Trying To Prove His Worth. And also, tennis ball and horse jokes because those are needed (and yes, they really are.) King John: 2/10 what the fuck. To expand: Death by Monk as an actual plot point. A character dies, and the Surprise! I Lived Bitch and then dies anyway? Also a king gets killed and no one talks about it. Also one character is named Richard and then his name is Philip and no one knows what to make of that so they just call him The Bastard. Lots of random offscreen dying, and (bad) plot twists. Have fun. Comedies:

All’s Well That Ends Well: 4/10 No, all is not well that ends well because this play ended well but it wasn’t good. It would have worked better if Bertram had just been gay and then him avoiding  his wife would have made more sense instead of him being a jerkass, also what the fuck Helena. DIVORCE HIM. I liked the Countess though she was cool.  Much Ado About Nothing: 7/10 Again with the WHAT THE FUCK DIVORCE HIM plotline except, Hero and Claudio. Beatrice was amazing though and so was Benedick. Not sure about Don John. Although, I guess having no motive except “I’m just a little shit who likes to make people sad” is kind of relatable in a sense, but he went to far. Dude, chill. A Midsummer Night’s Dream: 9/10 despite being overrated I love this play. I mean it doesn’t get much better than fairy divorce court being the root of everyone’s problems. It’s just such an utter cavalcade of ridiculousness and yet manages to make all the subplots weave nicely together unlike SOME plays (ie King John). Twelfth Night: 10/10 go look at my URL and then ask me why. But no, really, Twelfth Night is wonderful. I love every character, I love the plot and the subplots blend nicely, it has a nice emotional undertone and some dark themes to give it a bit of impact as you’re laughing at the antics of this group of beautiful idiots. I adore it.  The Comedy of Errors: 7/10 this play is just really, really funny. Like it’s kind of a stupid premise but it manages to make it work because it’s SO stupid that it’s awesome. It’s also maddeningly frustrating, which is the highest form of humor. Maybe.  The Merry Wives of Windsor: 5/10 FALSTAFF SPINOFF but actually pretty good. The added characters were cool and the cameos from Henry IV were nice to see. Mostly just hilarity. I don’t have a ton to say about this one, but it was enjoyable. The Taming of the Shrew: 4/10 I kind of feel bad for not hating this one as much as everyone else in the fandom does but I don’t totally hate this play. Yeah, it’s mad sexist. Yeah, it’s not particularly funny. But I thought the subplot with Bianca and Lucentio was cute, and I really liked Tranio in general.  As You Like It: 7/10 for cool foresty atmosphere, and having the ‘all the world’s a stage’ speech, and Touchstone, and crossdressing, and having a female character who actually had a ton of lines, and Evil Brothers. Minus 3 for OliverxCelia. Shakespeare what were you thinking. Also, he somehow managed to name two characters Jaques.  The Two Gentlemen of Verona: 5/10 Okay. PROTEUS IS THE WORST CHARACTER EVER AND I HATE HIM AND I WISH HE HAD DIED. WHAT THE FUCK. THAT WAS LIKE IAGO-LEVEL VILLAINY RIGHT THERE AND HE GOT FORGIVEN AND GOT OFF SCOT FREE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED. THIS GUY MAKES CLAUDIO AND DEMETRIUS LOOK LIKE SAINTS. Also, doggy. On stage. Good puppy.  Love’s Labors Lost: 6/10 This would make more sense if it had about 10 fewer characters and more cohesiveness. But I actually liked it. The ending was nontraditional for a comedy, and some of the scenes were kind of funny and cute. 

Romances:

The Winter’s Tale: 7/10 Leontes is the worst. We can all agree on that. Does that stop me from crying when his statue-wife comes to life and forgives him? No it does not. Also, Time is a character and shows up which is... cool, and a little weird, but also cool. Also, RIP Antigonus.  The Tempest: 9/10 Monsters and magic and spirits and islands and BETRAYL and... a witch named Sycorax, and also Miranda being wonderful and having a lot of really nice lines about discovering the world for the first time. Good play. I’m enamored of Ariel from a character perspective.  Troilus and Cressida: 5/10 I wanted to like this one but... eh. It was all right. It was just kind of slow. You spend the whole play waiting for Hector and Ajax to fight and then it’s over and... well. Also the title couple felt like an awkward sideplot. I gotta say though, Thersites was great even though he was awful and a shithead. 

Etc. (you know the ones):

Measure for Measure: 8/10 I love the characters in this one and both Isabelle and Angelo give me feelings in different ways. It’s... not an easy plot to get comfortable with, and the dynamics and way it pans out eventually really hit home. That said, WHAT THE FUCK VINCENTIO. The Merchant of Venice: 3/10 Okay remember when I rated Timon of Athens and I said plays about finances were not a good idea? Well here we are again. This one was actually slightly better because it was more comprehensive, and Portia exists. Of course, there’s also the uncomfortable amount of anti-Semitism that makes one pause and wish this wasn’t happening. 

*Minus Cymbeline, Pericles, and Henry VIII which I haven’t read yet, but I’ll update when I’ve read them.

#long post #I'm sorry about this #(no I'm not)