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paperclipninja · 4 years

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Lucifer post-ep ramble 5x01

Hi there, long time fangirl, first time Lucifan. After devouring all 4.5 seasons of this magnificent show in an impressive/alarming (all a matter of perspective) amount of time, I have very quickly found myself well and truly obsessed dedicated to all things Lucifer. And when a show grabs me like this one has, I tend to have a lot of thoughts and feelings that I can’t help but share, and so the post-ep ramble was born. It will probably contain many words, it may or may not be particularly coherent, there will definitely be over-analysing, but I thought I might indulge in re-capping the season 5 eps as I re-watch, so this is the first ramble off the rank.

‘Really Sad Devil Guy’ (A+ ep name btw) kicks off as we’re still scrambling to pick up all our heart pieces after the season 4 finale, which is why Mr. Said Out Bitch (aka Lee Garner) being in Hell is such a cracker of an opening. Lucifer just waiting below deck on Fishizzle II (wth happened to Fishizzle I??) to greet him with his trademark ‘hello’ made me disproportionately happy, mostly because he was on my screen but also because his encounters with Mr. SOB are always great and this was no exception. Getting an insight into ‘life in Hell’, the way the characters in the Hell loops are played by Demons and Lucifer in action as the King was fab at this point in the series. And does anyone else have a visceral reaction to Lucifer stopping that bullet? I know it’s brief, I cannot explain it, it might be the command he has, the fact it’s awesome, but it makes me FEEL things. Just me? Cool.

I think what really strikes me in the way Lucifer just has to pop in on Mr. SOB upon hearing of his arrival, is the fact that he is a link to Lucifer’s life on Earth. They’ve existed in the same places there, breathed the same air, it’s a way for Lucifer to make that connection to his home more tangible. And when he realises where Mr. SOB’s hell loop has them moored, at Marina Del Ray, the way Lucifer says 'Los Angeles' with such yearning makes those heart pieces I had started cobbling back together really begin to ache. What this episode pulls off so brilliantly is the way Chloe and Lucifer remain connected despite being apart, and it’s all set up when Lucifer tells Mr. SOB, ‘You know, there's a good chance I know who's on your case. To them it's only been a few months, a blink of an eye, but here it's been much much longer’.

What’s happening ‘below deck’ in Hell (sorry...or am I?) is of course mirrored at the crime scene, where Maze is still calling Ella Ellen (never change Maze ILY) and Ella is banging on about Lucifer not responding to her DM’s and texts and it’s all so on brand and the thought of her sending Lucifer a clip of a parrot dancing to techno and him finding it funny is just too perf. Maze having Chloe’s back from the get-go and telling Ella to ‘read the room’ just shows how far this Demon has come. And of course Chloe saying that she hasn’t even really thought about Lucifer since he left...(spoiler alert: she has).

Seeing Maze and Chloe out drinking and dancing, somehow they're kinda dorky together and I love it, but it’s also really clear that they’re both leaning on each other pretty heavily and being there for one another and honestly, I love literally every combination of characters on Lucifer, you put any two together and the dynamic is 100% their own and these two are up there. It’s so weird seeing Amandiel running Lux, I big L LOVE Amenadiel but it’s just...wrong. Plus hats off to D.B. because his delivery of ‘No one sells drugs in my place...without me getting a piece of the action’, not gonna lie, I was THROWN.

So are we assuming that the number of months Lucifer has been gone = the number of times Chloe has rocked up to work with a hangover? Lol at the sunglasses but also, you do you Chloe, whatever you gotta do babe. Just like Amenadiel running Lux is like watching a slightly off AU version of the show, so is seeing Maze and Chloe as partners at work. Don’t get me wrong, Maze clearly supporting her and when they’re interrogating a lead, seeing Chloe and Maze have such a groove that they’re finishing each other's sentences and communicating without talking, I dig it. But I love that while it’s great, it still doesn’t feel right. Because that there is why this show is so clever, as an audience we crave the return to the way things were just as the characters we are watching do.

Linda being a completely OTT mum is so fab. I could write an entire essay about my Linda love. Her adamance that ‘Charlie’s special’ and Ella’s ‘every child is special in their mum’s eyes, huh?’ sums it up perfectly. Did I mention I adore Ella? I definitely get the distinct impression Ella is doing a bit of self-reflection, her comment about being drawn to the bad boys for some reason clearly foreshadowing, but also her reflecting that she deserves a good guy for once (just not this ep when there is a bad boy/potential suspect to be hooked up with). I am curious to see the ‘darkness’ Ella has alluded to in earlier seasons being explored further and feel like this is sowing the seeds and I’m also waiting for a significant Linda/Ella D&M at some point. But clearly not this point, because 'science lesson Wednesdays...I checked your schedule and that's your day off' Linda is NOT about deep and meaningfuls (or anyone who isn’t a 2 month old baby), you need to DIAL IT DOWN friend. I love that it takes Trixie pulling some funny faces and Dan offering some sage parenting advice as he returns the self-help books (love the irony there) for Linda to begin to chill a bit.

So Dan has gone all new age with his oils and self improvement and you know what? I love it. And then of course we have Amenadiel needing to help make the world a safer place, he just needs to make sure for Charlie ya know and ugh my ovaries. I must say, I was relieved to realise that the club life had not in fact corrupted the delightful warrior we all love after all - it’s all a ploy to catch a REAL BIG TIME drug dealer (nooooo I can feel the second hand embarrassment already...)! Amenadiel setting up the ‘drug bust’, telling the dealer, ‘looks like gooood drugs’, oh you dear sweet naïve Angel you. We of course discover that the bust is, well, a bust, because the ‘drug lord’ is actually a kid trying to offload his mum’s pain meds *insert facepalm emoii here*. But rather than ridicule or be angry, Dan is so understanding and supportive of Amenadiel and once again offers up advice and I really am so into this friendship on every level and the care and openness it models.

Meanwhile, the genius parallel between what is happening on Earth and in Hell really takes effect as Chloe and Maze go undercover (I mean, they are a glam couple lbh) to the poker game while Lucifer is at a game hosted by the same suspect in Mr. SOB’s ‘exquisite’ Hell loop. His exclamation that it’s exquisite reflects that Lucifer and Mr. SOB are not that different, that it’s the kind of place Lucifer might manifest as well, but I also feel that Lucifer could be admiring his own Kingdom’s handiwork at creating LA with such accuracy from someone’s subconscious. He allows himself to be absorbed in it, ‘City of Angels, I’ve missed you’, and I can’t help but get the impression that hearing Lucifer call LA this for the first time is confirmation that his Heaven, or place of Angels, is in fact there with Chloe.

Chloe remains firmly in the forefront of Lucifer’s mind this entire episode, with him asking ‘what would she do?’ and wanting to replicate the life he had with her at the precinct. But of course he is soon reminded of his reality, as he tries to get more information from Mr. SOB who is being useless. Lucifer incorrectly calling him ’Detective’ shatters the illusion that he is any closer to Chloe, and this is impressively emphasised as he erases the LA cityscape to reveal the Hellscape. For a moment he’d let himself believe he was back there. Back home. His, ‘you’re not her’ making some of my heart pieces fall out once again.

But then the messenger arrives, ‘Lord Morningstar, there’s someone you should meet’ and lo and behold it’s guy who just got hit by car up on the Earth-side of this investigation and I.am. loving. it. Also, did Lucifer put out a Hell-wide memo that if ANYONE arrives from LA they are to be bought to him so he can send messages to Chloe through their bodies??? NO REALLY I'M FINE. Having a Demon possess the dead dude’s body to pass on the tip from Lucifer was just TOO MUCH. His, ‘hey is that Mazikeen?’ made me actually lol but also, look how far we’ve come! Chloe doesn’t even flinch when the dead guy wakes up possessed to pass on Lucifer’s message. I’m so proud.

'It's safe where you stored it' caused me way more amusement than was perhaps intended, but Ella, Maze and Chloe together, trying to figure out what it meant, it's such a great moment and the comedic timing is gold. Also, the fact it actually helps the case, ugh, Chloe and Lucifer are still connected and working together even though they are not on the same plane of existence and I’m just going to need to curl up for a minute because feelings.

You know who else is having a lot of feelings in this ep? The Devil himself. After he is satisfied he has passed on the message, he’s done with Mr. SOB, sending him, ‘back to your torture. And me to mine’. Any remnants of my heart are now once again shattered all over the floor in case you’re wondering. Lucifer doesn’t even try to hide the fact that being away from Chloe is so painful, almost revealing more than he ever usually would when Mr. SOB asks if she’s ‘somebody important?' to which he replies, 'more than you could ever know'.

He only just stops himself before telling Mr. SOB her name, when he realises he's trying to manipulate him. And I'm so glad, Lucifer so sparingly uses Chloe’s name, it's always significant when he does and I feel like he reserves those moments for only between them. But Mr. SOB really does sum it up when he observes, ‘you just seem like a really sad Devil guy’, BECAUSE HE IS A REALLY SAD DEVIL GUY (can we just take a moment to appreciate how not at all scared of Lucifer Mr. SOB is, he doesn’t even refer to him as THE Devil, just ‘Devil guy’. It’s kind of nice that he sees and accepts him as both Devil and human without really questioning it).

The parallel continues as Chloe and Lucifer are talking to a sister and brother and the way this highlights the place they're both in. It's just brilliant writing and execution. Chloe is talking to Meg about her brother’s death and both her and Lucifer's yearning for one another is palpable. At the same time, Maze telling Chloe that they don’t need Lucifer and kissing Chloe highlights Maze’s desire for connection and love. She wants it so badly and the way she shuts down when Chloe suggests they stop working together breaks my heart.

When Lucifer takes Mr. SOB to the root of his Hell loop, yes, it’s about Lucifer projecting his own guilt and lack of self worth onto him, but his assertion that, 'it is inevitable sooner or later you're going to disappoint them all over again. So you'd rather stay away for all eternity’, really feels as though it carries multiple meanings. As a self-referential comment, is Lucifer talking about Heaven or Earth? Is it his fear of disappointing and letting down Chloe and the other humans or is it his belief that he disappointed his family? And if Angels self-actualise does that mean he was never 'stuck' in Hell at all and could have returned to Heaven? I certainly feel there is some sort of realisation occurring here. Or could be completely over-analysing it. Why not have both 🤷‍♀️

You know the line that just up and got me though? ‘Whose hell is this anyway? Are you sure this is my hell? You just here torturing yourself’- Mr. SOB calling Lucifer out is A MOMENT. And I can’t help but wonder if a part of it is Lucifer wanting Mr. SOB to come to terms with his own guilt, wanting to help him because he knows he’s not evil and he is trying to reconcile his own guilt too. If he can help Mr. SOB face and let go of the guilt then he has a chance of it too. And that’s when Mr. SOB challenges Lucifer, pointing out that he missed his chance, ‘but what about you?’ 'The self-centred simplicity of you humans never ceases to amaze me...I am here out of responsibility, I had to protect humanity, I had to protect HER', the delivery of this line, the frustration of being misunderstood, of ppl thinking that he acts for himself when his very reason for being back in Hell is for others, I can feel it through the screen.

The dead guy we saw get shot in the kitchen appearing at that moment with news about ‘the Detective’ and then cutting straight back to the shoot up in the house, file under: how to brilliantly edit. “Lucifer” appearing; the whistle, the casually strolling in, the ‘hello bad guys’ = I was FOOLED. I mean you have to admit, the ‘thought I'd give you a hand' pun was well played, classic Lucifer, very convincing. My shipper heart was SO FULL for the split second Lucifer and the Detective kissed, until Chloe realised that something was off and her open eyes told us something was up. The cut back to Hell and seeing Lucifer still standing there with Mr. SOB...you may have heard my ‘noooooooo’ from wherever you are. ‘She’ll be just fine without me’...said every Devil who has a dick twin brother who’s going to try and destroy, nay STEAL, his life and love of his life ever.

Michael, you're an evil bastard but damn you nailed that villainous smirk over-the-shoulder pose in the final shot. Whatever you have in store, I will no doubt revel in your awfulness and be confused about whether or not I hate you.

#lucifer #lucifans #lucifer 5x01 #ramble #lucifer morningstar #chloe decker #ella lopez #dan espinoza #amenadiel #deckerstar #recap

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marculees · 3 years

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i really hope this isn't offensive because i really don't mean it to be, but since you're epileptic, doesn't the flashing in concert videos and gifs cause any problems? you reblogged those of han with the tags flashing but you yourself weren't affected by it? how much flashing can a medicated brain take? i really don't know how to word these questions but i have some epileptic followers and i want to know what i can and can't reblog to keep them safe on my blog

No offence taken, its actually a very good point! The ratio of the gifs themselves are quite small on my screen, compared to being at/watching a concert or fancam in full screen. If the gifs were bigger, in single or double format where they take up more space on the screen, then that would be most concerning because my eyes would be forced to focus on them. Its why stuff like television shows and movies can be hard to watch, because we often have to focus on the entire screen and we can’t just scroll past like we would on desktop or mobile. Nighttime crime scenes with lights from police cars or ambulances, action sequences with a lot of lasers or shooting effects, or animation that involves excessive use of strobes are all examples of stuff that we can’t really look away from, especially if they’re taking up a lot of space on the screen. But with small gifs, I can scroll past a lot easier and look at the next gif instead. Still good to tag because not everyone is going to be on the same device with identical screen dimensions. The speed of the flashes are also key because they’re what triggers the seizures. If its just one flash during the gif and there’s a good few seconds before it loops back, then it should be okay. Its like taking a photo with your flash on - its only once so you’re fine, but if you have paparazzi following you then you’re in trouble because its a constant influx of flashes with no time between each one. I’d look out for anything to do with red carpets because I find those gifs or videos are usually the flashiest 👍

For that gif set in particular, Hannie having his little pout close to the camera with the singular flash is usually okay. Its only one flash and there’s about 4 seconds before it loops back. A seizure is triggered by 3-15 flashes per second. The second orange gif where he is lifting his hand and then the second-last one with the colours changing rapidly in the background would fall more into that category and that was why I chose to tag it. I looked away quickly and could focus on something else in my environment because they were quite small in comparison to everything else on my screen and the room around me. It wasn’t like an EEG where I’m sat in a dark room and forced to stare at a flashing light right in front of me💀 But some people might be on their screen in the dark - bad idea in general for anyone’s eyes but I know a lot of people do it because they’ll go on their devices before bed - so I’ll still make sure to tag for them too because no one likes something flickering up in their face in that kind of situation whether they have photosensitivity or not, and they don’t have other stuff around them to look away at like I would in my brightly lit room that can take my attention away from the specific gif/video and give me time to scroll past.

Honestly, if in doubt, add a tag! Always use the word ‘flashing’ in your tags; do NOT use ‘epilepsy’ in any way, as those then show up in the epilepsy tag on tumblr where most us go to have a rant together. Most epileptics on tumblr even avoid going through that tag now because of this problem. I’ve blocked various different tags such as ‘flashing’, ‘tw flashing’, ‘tw: flashing’, ‘flashing tw’, and ‘flashing lights’. If I come across a new one on my dash somehow, I add it to the list but these seem to be the most popular. If you’re a content creator yourself, don’t be afraid to slow down gifs to give time between flashes too plus slowing down stuff is sexy so why don’t we do that more and make it a cool aesthetic trend? people are more likely to follow trends anyway rip Don’t be afraid to reblog or create stuff btw its your blog! If the gif or video is flashy and you can’t help that, just tag it, that’s all! As you pointed out, I reblog stuff myself that I would tag, but I’d later skip the post with my trusty ‘K’ key if I went through my blog to find something else if I needed to 🤡 Small tumblr gif sets are much easier to handle than a fullscreen video such as Youtube or TikTok, and Tumblr allows you to tag stuff to automatically prevent it from being seen whereas those other social media platforms don’t have this feature and its rare to see a flashing warning before the beginning of a video that you’d have to pause before it autoplays. Whoever invented that colour changing disco lights filter(?) on TikTok is a sadist istg everyone uses it and I skip as soon as I see anything in an unnatural hue because I just know what’s coming. I only downloaded the app a week ago ffs 😂

...also something interesting about that specific gif set is that it did not originally come up with a blocked tag for me but when i went to click the link i reblogged from, one of them has now been added and it censored for me...i’m going to guess op forgot to tag and then added it in quickly after posting since the notes are still low and it was one of the first things on my dash

#seriously i'm not offended at all dw its a great point to start discussion #just think of it as like...a flashing allergy lmao #if you're allergic to something that you don't want that shit up in your face #pancakes? egg allergy says no. friends can eat pancakes on the other side of the room but you keep your distance.#flashing sucks but if its only a tiny bit flashing in our vision then we should be okay because we can look away much easier #friends wash their hands and mouth before touching you after they eat so they can protect you from traces of egg #trigger warnings are your way of washing up so that we don't get any of the flashing near us but you can still enjoy the content yourself #weird analogy but hey #ask #answered #anon

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solarpunkvegan · 4 years

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Please cite your sources. Listen, I believe you, and if you're wrong, it's most likely because you believe it yourself. Some people do intentionally lie, of course, but I don't believe it's the majority.

I try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Most people are ignorant not stupid, meaning they lack knowledge, not the ability to understand that knowledge. We thought the internet age would bring about a second enlightenment because everyone would have access to knowledge. But then disinformation, misinformation, and lies pervaded it.

When you try to teach me sometime new I didn't know, I'm excited, I love learning. I trust that you probably aren't out to lie to me. But if we don't cite our sources, how can we ever stave off our post-truth age where facts are meaningless?

I know you're busy, I know it's not your "job" to do the research for others. But when there's too much info out there it becomes confusing and overwhelming. If you want to educate you need to cite sources, even if you find that people refuse to click on them, which happens to me a lot. At least you've done your part. The knowledge is right there at their fingertips, if they choose not to click it, they know they're choosing to not listen to your side. If you cite sources, even if no one clicks them, it appears to anyone looking like you've done your research, which you have, and it changes the way they look at your content. The person you're talking to might refuse to listen, but you've still planted a seed. Anyone else watching sees that you not only were calm, logical, kind, and posted sources, but if they click the sources themselves they can see that the person arguing against you didn't bother to click the sources themselves.

Yes, people have said to me, literally, "I can just post an opposite source!" All. The. Time.

And yes, when I nicely asked one of them to post their source they blocked me. (BTW, this was about masks and was with another animal rights activist, someone who's been vegan for over a decade and is over 40 years old. The source I posted was from Dr. Greger, a famous plant-based doctor who donates all his proceeds from book sales and speaking tours to charity, has a free app and website with no ads or corporate sponsors that runs on donations and volunteers. He doesn't sell any pills, diet fads, scams, or other products besides some cute t-shirts that also go into the site maintenance.)

In blocking me she probably also removed my comments which is not ideal. That's what makes Tumblr great in some respects, when they block me they can't delete what I've said. Anyone watching will see what has occurred: one person was calm, kind, and posted sources, the other was angry, mean, and then blocked them. YouTube comments are the same way, the person who made the video can erase comments or turn them off, but they usually don't want to because comments drive the alogoritm and get the video more views. So if we have debates about veganism in the comments of vegan videos we do 3 things:

Boost the video, using the algorithm to our advantage.

Have a debate with someone and potentially change their mind.

Let others see us being calm, logical, rational, kind, and posting credible sources.

Plant seeds for whoever sees any of this, including those we debate with.

I need to stop doing this type of activism myself as it's not good for my mental health and it distracts me from work I think I could do more good with, my YouTube videos and art. It can be grating, it can take a toll, but so can any activism. It may seem like "slacktivism" but if you are someone with less options for activism than others it could be ideal. Not everyone can participate in all forms of activism and different kinds are good for different people. If the way you want to do activism is by opening a vegan bakery, or making vegan art, or donating to vegan organizations, signing petitions, sharing things on social media, etc. all are helpful. But in all endeavors it's best to stay calm, kind, respectful, and to post links to sources and quote those sources too. If this is something you struggle with that's ok, this type of activism may not be for you. If talking to people stresses you out, raises your anxiety, or if you have a hard time staying calm, then that's ok, maybe just do something else with your time and energy.

But if you are going to post, try to make those posts kind and informative. That doesn't mean never being blunt, or not using certain words, or not calling it like it is. It simply means not using ad hominem attacks, attacking people's personality, ridiculing their beliefs, culture, or religion, bringing up things that have nothing to do with the debate at hand, cursing, calling people stupid, calling people "brainwashed" or "hypocrites" or "sheep", focusing on their looks, being ableist, fatphobic, racist, sexist, xenophobic, anti-neurodivergent, etc. Not only is none of that necessary to help the animals, I think it actively makes our job harder and hurts the movement overall. Shame and guilt doesn't work. Negative reinforcement works much less effectively than positive reinforcement. Being cruel to others makes people hate us as a group. Of course that's not fair or justified or right, but it's the way it is. Humans always lump people into categories and then make assumptions based on them. That's how our brains work, sadly. We're all biased. We all experience some cognitive dissonance sometimes. We all judge ourselves and others. But we can work to change that and it starts with you every time you're kind instead of cruel.

Instead of being cruel towards humans and asking them to be kind to animals, we should be kind to humans and ask them to extend that kindness to animals.

You may say "that's some kumbaya bullshit, the real world doesn't work like that" but for starters, that sounds a lot like the argument:

"the world isn't fair, get used to it" that we hear about capitalism. We can choose to change the world to make it fair, or hurt each other because we assume it never can be. The world is cruel because we are all cruel, to some extent. (Yes, some are crueler than others and use their power over others to do cruel things. Yes, some people cause much more harm than others.) We can work to change that to make it kind, instead of assuming it always will be unkind.

And secondly, I believe in being kind to everyone because to me, it's the right thing to do. BUT I also believe it is the most effective praxis when trying to change minds. It's not just about what makes me feel good as some silly hippy or whatever you want to say. No, it's also what I truly believe we need. Based on all the evidence I have absorbed over the years, this is the radical paradigm shift I think we need. (I could be wrong, I'm always learning and my mind is open to being changed.) Our world is based on cruelty. Don't you want to oppose that? And don't you want to "be the change you wish to see"? Doesn't it start with you? If you don't believe the fallacy that "one person can't change anything" then aren't you one person who can change things? We can't control other people. We can't force them to have compassion for others. But we can have compassion ourselves. Isn't that what personal responsibility is about? How do you want to make others feel? What do you want to create in the world? What do you want to add to the human story? You get to decide everyday.

#kind #kindness #compassion #sources #just my thoughts #my thoughts

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carlottastudios · 4 years

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Why does my internal motivation seem to hate posting on Saturdays so much? But regardless, you guys ARE getting two posts this weekend! Hurray! Hopefully, these will lift your spirits at least a little during these nutsy times. Also, get ready for a long-ish description for this drawing because I feel it deserves it. This is a bit of a special sketch for me, not only because it features my current-favourite-ship-ever, but also because it was inspired by a certain song. A song which is basically KeithxZuri in a nutshell, and thus a song that I have personally dubbed “DA KEIRI SONG”. Yes, in all caps. Because I’m extra and because, seriously, it’s a beautifully fitting song. The song is, as you might’ve guessed from the title of this sketch, Shelter by Ray Lamontagne, but SPECIFICALLY, the cover version by Steven Yeun. And if that name rings a bell, THEN IT SHOULD! BECAUSE IT’S KEITH’S VOICE ACTOR! That’s right! The VA for half of this ship sang a beautiful cover of this song (not to mention played it on the guitar) (can I just take a moment to acknowledge the fact that Steven Yeun has the voice of an angel?) (oh, and I totally headcanon that Keith can play the guitar now!), this song which is beyond-a-doubt the theme song for this ship. Can you see now why I found this song so fitting that I had to make a drawing based off of it?!?! And why I hope to write a fanfic based on it too?!?! Now, given my huge-ass list of fanfic ideas, I can’t make any promises on the fanfic front, but I will try my darndest to write this one! And I will attempt to fill it with feels, hurt/comfort goodness and romantic softness out the wazoo! Now, I could end this description here, buuuuttt I wanna wax poetic a bit longer on why I find this song so damn fitting for my precious emo babus, as well as touch on why I drew them like this, soooooo I’m gonna! XD Firstly, I’m just quickly going to share the lyrics of the song to you guys so you all know what I’m talking about during my poetic waxing (also, here’s a link to the cover so you can fully appreciate Steven Yeun’s blessed rendition of this song: https://youtu.be/k6wDOi2HrsI): I guess you don’t need it I guess you don’t want me to repeat it But everything I have to give I give to you It’s not like we planned it You tried to stay but you could not stand it To see me shot down slow as though it wasn’t an easy thing to do Listen well All of this around us will fall over I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do You will shelter me, my love, and I will shelter you I will shelter you I left you heartbroken But not until those very words were spoken Has anybody ever made such a fool outta you? It’s hard to believe it Even as my eyes don’t perceive it The very things that make you live are killing you Listen well All of this around us will fall over I’ll tell you what we’re gonna do You will shelter me, my love, and I will shelter you I will shelter you Alright, so you all know this song now? Good! Now why is this song so fitting for keiri, you might be wondering if you weren’t one of those to whom I’ve rambled about keiri in private chats and therefor know more about this ship than most of my followers? Allow me to enlighten you!!! The song seems, at least in my interpretation, to be about a couple who’s facing difficulties, but that still love each other, and the narrator/singer affirms this love and this commitment and devotion they and the person they’re singing about/their partner have. It’s like the whole message of this song is “This isn’t going to be easy, but it’s going to be worth it, and even if everything else goes to shit, I know you still love me and I sure as heck still love you, and that’s what matters”. At least, that’s how I interpret it, and I know it might not be the original intended meaning, but that’s the meaning I get from this song. And this message pretty much describes how Keith and Zuri get together in most of my headcanons, including my main headcanon, which is the storyline I would write if I were in charge of VLD and had to make it a show. See, Keiri isn’t a fast-burn romance. I wouldn’t call it a slow-burn either, because I’m a bit too impatient to make it a slow-burn (I prefer couples being together over the process of them getting together), but the point is that they don’t get together immediately. The biggest reason for that is because of their emotional baggage. Keith, as we know, has trust issues and fears getting rejected and hurt by people he cares about. Zuri, for her part, is still stuck in the grieving process for the many losses she went through in her life and she fears that, if she gets close to someone again, they’ll just end up dying in the war just like pretty much everyone she cared deeply about in her life until this point. Nonetheless, they end up forming a bond and grow to deeply care about each other. It gets to the point where Keith trusts Zuri, views her as a close friend and even likes the idea of being in an intimate relationship with her (it helps that, yes, he finds her attractive). On Zuri’s side, it’s much the same: she trusts Keith, she’s attracted to Keith, she enjoys his company, she finds that she’s closer to him than she is with anyone, and the idea of being in a relationship with him does appeal to her very much. But it also scares her. All of the things I just said about how she views Keith scares her. Because what if something happens to him? What if he gets injured or worse in the war? What if it claims his life as well as the lives of everyone else she’s opened her heart to? Then all the pain of loss that she’s been trying to numb herself to and supress all these years will come crashing back, maybe even worse than before! So, even as she and Keith grow closer throughout their “courtship” period, she’s trying the whole time to keep a distance between them, to subtly push Keith away, to prevent him from getting too close, to keep from letting him in entirely. But Keith realizes what she’s doing. I mean, it’s hard for him not to: it’s what he’s been doing for years. And he knows first-hand how lonely and sad this kind of self-isolation feels, not to mention how unhealthy it is! BTW: I just want to note that, at this time, he’s forming closer bonds with the other paladins and getting a truly supportive found-family/support system, even though all that stuff with the BoM is still on his mind. I just wanted to say that he is in a better headspace by now. Still not perfect, but better than at the start of the show. So, yeah, he recognizes what Zuri’s trying to do and he knows that it’s not okay. So, he confronts her about it, which does get her to reveal what she’s going through and to admit that, yes, she’s been trying to push him (and the other paladins, I might add) away because she’s so terrified of the pain that losing him (and them) will cause her. And Keith is understanding, but also more determined than ever. He lets her know that he understands why she’s doing this, to avoid pain, but it’s going to cause more harm than good and it’s just going to hurt her in the long-run and he doesn’t want her to go through that hurt. He understands that she’s scared and that she has reason to be scared (they are fighting a war, after all) and that, honestly, he’s scared of losing his loved ones too. Hell, he did lose a loved one, his father, years ago, and it does still pain him. But that doesn’t make him wish he’d never loved his father. Similarly, his fear of losing the paladins doesn’t make him love them any less, and his fear of losing Zuri doesn’t make him not love her. It just makes him want to make the very most of his time with her. He tells her that he’s there for her, that no matter what she does, he’s not going to stop caring about her, and he knows that she cares about him too. He doesn’t push this part too much, though, thankfully. He respects Zuri too much to try coaxing her into the relationship that, let’s face it, they both know she wants. He’s ready and willing to be with her, but only if she is. It’s got to be mutual and, if she decides that she just isn’t ready to face her fear or that loving him is worth the pain that it could bring, he’ll be sad as hell but he’ll respect that. Thankfully, though, Zuri, after given a bit of time to think it over, does choose to stop living in fear and letting it cause her so much internalized and supressed heartache and misery and loneliness. So, even though it scares the shit out of her, she confesses her feelings for Keith and they finally get together. Of course, they still have their own issues and their problems don’t go away with them getting into a relationship. But the fact that they’ve found someone they can be open with, someone who they know will support them and love them throughout all of the trials life can offer, does make things easier. They are each other’s shelter in the storm of life, so to speak: not making the storm go away, but making it easier to bear as they get through it. And that, kids, is why I effin’ love my ship and why this song (particularly this version of the song) is their theme song! Also, I think that’s a long enough description for you! If you read the whole thing, you earn a gold star and a cookie! REFERENCES: None to be had except the character designs! DISCLAIMERS: Voltron: Legendary Defender © DreamWorks & World Events Productions Zuri © me this drawing © me

#Behold My Beautiful Little Brain Child (my original post)#Chicken Scratch Brain Child (my art)#Safe In My Space Pocket (voltron legendary defender)#Beloved Mullet Boi (VLD: keith)#My Damaged Galra Daughter (VLD: OC: zuri)#My Beloved Mullet Damaged Galra Chilron (VLD: keiri / keith x zuri)

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couldnt-think-of-a-better-name · 5 years

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Mujika is demon!Jesus & other possible Bible references in TPN

It’s time people to get ready to have your minds blown again, my newest crazy theory post is here!

Disclaimer: This post contains manga spoilers up to and including chapter 127. Also, I don’t mean to offend anyone’s religion, I’m just making comparisons out of interest, and I am getting most of my info from wikipedia. Chapter 127 full fan translation dropped, and not just for me, but for others as well it has instantly stuck out like a sore thumb how much Mujika’s story parallelled Jesus from the New Testament

The facts: 1) Musica’s very existence is an unexplained miracle, as she is able to do things no other demons can (keep her form without eating humans), and none knows where she came from (she is most likely of common birth).

2) She can and have been performing straight up miracles of “curing” demons of their hunger, and saving them from devolving into unintelligence.

3) What’s more, she has been passing her power to her followers and supporters, who can spread her “cure”, and teachings of the need to not eat humans in order to save even more demons from starvation and devolving.

4) Her blood taking away the demons’ hunger is basically a literal take on these Bible verses with illustration added as well:

5) She was persecuted and ordered to be killed by the rulers out of no fault of her own.

6) If you are still not convinced, she was LITERALLY called the demon MESSIAH by Norman, and I honestly don’t know if I could make it clearer...

It may seem a bit random at first, but I have already mentioned Bible references in TPN in my Mujika is Medusa theory post, so this isn’t really out of the blue. As a bit of a reminder, or if you haven’t seen that post here are the possible references:

1) Minerva’s mythology book has a snake and apple just like the story in Genesis.

2) Mujika herself is later associated with an apple on a cover.

3) The Promised Neverland may be a reference to the Promised Land from Exodus, as well as to Neverland from Peter Pan. This isn’t just a similarity in name, since their demon god is responsible for the PROMISE that we know ensures the NEVERLAND where no human child gets to grow up (since they get eaten). Right, that’s it, TPN is a mashup of Peter Pan and the Bible.

There we go, I have made my crazy and outlandish claim just like before, but can I give any even remotely believeable evidence for it?

Well, for the Peter Pan part, I have already made a huge post on the list of possible references, so please head to my Theory Directory where you can find a link. If that doesn’t work for you, I will also reblog this post with a link.

As for the Bible part, well, is there any evidence beyond Mujika? Ok, how about we play a small game. Try pronouncing Son-ju and then St. John. Hear any similarity? Am I messing with you? Well, yes and no. How about you take a look at the wiki info on St John, Jesus’ apostole (not to be confused with John the baptist).

Sooo, wasn’t Son-ju the only follower of Mujika left alive? What a strange coincidence... Then didn’t Son-ju also wear a fish shaped cloak pin? I thought it signified that they were underwater, but St. John was a fisherman...

Oh yeah, and isn’t it funny how we have James, Peter and Andrew all feature in St. John’s description? Weren’t there some characters in TPN also called these names...?

What’s even more interesting is John and James having been brothers, but John surviving James for a long time. I find that interesting because I recently discussed a theory by @fyria-hans that Sonju may have been the one wearing the Minerva cape and sending that morse coded message to the kids to stay put where they were.

Since it was morse code, they didn’t hear a voice, and in those panels the wide shouldered frame and those shoes really looked like Sonju’s. We know he had justification for wanting the cattle children to survive “in the wild”, and he also most likely had the skill to create fake tracks to throw off Andrew. So it is a possibility that he had been James’ supporter... The other interesting fact was that both St. James and James Ratri died first out of the cast. Btw, fun fact about St. Peter: he holds the keys to heaven. Isn’t that a bit like how Peter Ratri has control over the access to the human world, which would be pretty much heaven to the cattlechildren?

Oh btw, did you know that there were two apostoles called James? So the other one was known as the Lesser James? Hm, isn’t Norman kind of a smaller, younger version of James Ratri right now? Oh yeah, and did you know that St. Andrew was the brother of St. Peter? And he is also a patron of fishermen, farmers, miners and butchers?

Hmmm, sooo we he a small number of coincidences, surely there won’t be more! Right...? RIGHT?!

Well, you might know that St. Matthew is associated with an angel

Hmm, but where did we see angels in TPN?

Ah riiight, in Minerva’s famous mythology book! And isn’t it funny how there is a CUP next to that angel... Didn’t we just have MUJIKA associated with a CUP (of blood she offered) this chapter?!

Hmm, and wasn’t there a character who had a strange connection to Mujika we didn’t understand? That she showed up in his “DYING” MEMORIES? Here is another fun fact.

LEUVIS?! But didn’t I say in my Peter Pan theory that Leuvis was associated with the Lost Boy Curly? Am I contradicting myself? Well, lucky for me, we also have this:

So the authors have confirmed that their characters can hold multiple references, and my guess is that I may have just managed to find 2 out of 3 for Leuvis ;D (It’s funny how Shirai-san wanted to be so secretive about the references, right?) Similarly, I don’t think there is any problem going through the other characters and finding references to them. So let’s dive in further!

So there is another Apostole who is called JUDE (Thaddeus). That name bears perhaps a passing resemblance to LUCE, or not? How about the things associated with this apostole?

Wasn’t Luce a bit of a LOST CAUSE? And didn’t his servants weild CLUBS? Also, what about the time Emma threw an AXE at him? Hah, these coincidences sure are getting trippy, right?

While we are on the topic of Luce, I would like to point out that before he died he made this little comment:

Huuh, so his dad is some important mofo? But we sure haven’t seen or heard anything of him ever since... right? Well, how about you compare these panels for me?

This dude who murdered Mujika’s followers suuuure bears a passing resemblance to Luce, except he looks much more buff and badass... and older...

But lets not get sidetracked! We were looking at apostles, so how about I bring up the wiki info on another one?

Funny, didn’t I associate NOUMA (isn’t that slightly close to THOMA?) and NOUS with the Twins in my Peter Pan analysis? Btw, do you know that St. Thomas died by the spear, so he is associated with it? I Thought Nouma and Nous had spears... But there is a Thoma among the kids as well! Huh, but isn’t he always with Lani? Acting as if they were something like twins... huh... Weird, but let’s look at another apostole!

So Bartholomew doesn’t sound much like Bayon, except they both start with “Ba”, but did you know that St. Bartholomew, among other things is a patron of butchers and TRAPPERS. Huh, didn’t Bayon kinda enable the trapping and hunting of cattlechildren like wild animals at Goldy Pond...?

Also, yeah, we have a Nat among the kids again, and we also have a Phil... Did you know that we have a Mark as well? While Mark wasn’t an apostole, he has some written passages in the Bible...

But lets not get hung up on a couple of names that are similar sounding! Although I can’t help but wonder what could be the name of the demon king who ordered the death of Mujika... and if it sounds anything like PONTIUS PILATE who ordered the death of Jesus? It’s a shame we don’t have his name :(

But do you know a funny fact about Pilate? He was a ROMAN prefect. Huh, didn’t we have a handful of roman references in TPN? Like mirrored LATIN, or MINERVA, a ROMAN GODDESS?!

Hmm, you know what is a funny thought though? If Mujika is demon!Jesus, and we know that we have a demon!God (the one with the demon gylph written name, called just HIM in the anime), then I wonder if the analogy extends further. You know, God has sent Jesus to the human world to be the saviour of humankind, but then the humans in charge chose to persecute and kill him... although Jesus didn’t die permanently. So I can’t help but wonder if it wasn’t demon!God who sent Mujika as demon!Jesus to be the saviour of demonkind, only to find that the demons in charge had the bright idea of persecuting and trying to kill her... but luckily she isn’t dead even though everyone thought she died! Well, if that’s the case, I bet demon!God is facepalming right now. And if that analogy holds, it may also stand that the demons are an analogy for the jews (who had their PROMISED LAND from God, while demons have their PROMISED NEVERLAND from demon!God (which also fits with my idea that demon!God used their powers to literally create the demon world below the deep sea... you can read more on this in another post of mine)) whereas the cattlechildren are an analogy for the gentiles (non-jew). If you think I’m done and ready to finish this post on that crazy thought, then you are WRONG. Some of you may have read my post on my thoughts that Mujika may be a Medusa reference. If you haven’t, just look it up either in my Theory Directory, or in the links I will put in a reblog to this post. I was anxiously awaiting this chapters to see if it would disprove that theory or confirm it. And I will be honest, I was at first disappointed with this chapter, ‘cause like a damned fool, I was expecting to see snakes, or something about petrifying gaze, BUT then I looked further into the Medusa lore, and felt like an idiot and slapping myself. Why?

Medusa had 2 sisters in the myths, together they were known as the Gorgon sisters. But Medusa was different to the other two, and her name meant ruler/queen. Hmmm, doesn’t this panel look kiiinda like 3 sisters?

Also, just in case you missed it, I have circled a jar there that looks eerily similar to the golden water jar that the kids have. Tsk, all these coincidences that I keep spotting!

So the other thing about Medusa is that in all of the myths the goddess MINERVA wants to kill her out of no fault of Medusa. Didn’t we kinda have someone in TPN right now with a MINERVA alias say something similar?

Oh hello there Norman. Funny that you would say that... In the myth Minerva doesn’t kill Medusa herself, but aids the hero Perseus who cuts off Medusa’s head, which ends up on Minerva’s famous shield the Aegis. In many sources it is said that the shield is used to petrify Minerva’s enemies. But Medusa had one more funny quality about her that had the interest of Minerva in the mythology:

“ The character of Medusa can also be seen to come along with some qualities that emerge after her tale of origin. For example, one half of Medusa’s BLOOD is HEALING – and so, along with her petrifying ability, she could also heal. Blood taken from the veins on her LEFT was POISONOUS, while blood taken from her RIGHT could RESTORE THE DEAD TO LIFE.”

Huh, didn’t we just learn that Mujika’s blood is SPECIAL? That it can “CURE” the demons from their hunger of humans, but it is also DANGEROUS for the demons in charge and for the humans in case the “cured” demons decided to still eat humans? Btw, isn’t it funny how Mujika draws blood from her right in this panel when healing those villagers?

Maybe I didn’t need to be so worried about my Mujika Medusa theory after all...

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piracytheorist · 5 years

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My Notes on Rewatching “Call Girl”

I amuse myself by thinking that watching this film is an important rite of passage for anyone who’s an all-in Colin fan, as in, one who’ll watch anything and everything he’s in, no matter the content, theme or quality.

I actually used to think that this was a pretty bad movie... but, as you might have seen from my last few posts, I recently realized this isn’t the case. Sure, it is not your average short film, but breaking it down you realize it’s doing most things right from a filmmaking point. I mean, you don’t have to love it, but it does a great job overall.

And I mean, it’s got Colin in it. How bad can it be? ;)

Beware of spoilers, if you haven’t seen the film. And if you do wanna see it, here it is :D

I'm still surprised that... this is it. That's Colin freaking O'Donoghue right there. The pirate. The cowboy. The astronaut. The man the myth the legend.

Ah, early 00's.

Wait. Ok let's make a breakdown of the decoration here. There's: 1) a heart anatomy poster 2) a frame with an undiscernible picture 3) IS THAT AN ASTRONAUT FIGURE? dun_dun_dun.mp3 4) a small penguin (?) plushie with a nautical (?) hat on it 5) are those... mantis figurines stuck on the sides of the screen????

Oooooh boy you sure have some very specific decorations on your desk.

The music stops abruptly when Brendan's mother calls out to him to not close the door because she wants to see him studying. That's interesting. Also how old is Brennan supposed to be? Is he supposed to be in high school, or an adult in college? What was the age of consent in Ireland in 2003?

This vibe, though. White perfect shirt and dark vest...

The look of "I'm gonna look at hot girls with my bedroom's door open while my parents argue across the hall" ALSO YES THAT'S A MANTIS

This just makes me laugh so much. Can you imagine sweet innocent (mostly) virgin Brendan typing it and his heartbeat skyrocketing?

Seriously though, that "Welcome back Brendan" thing. With one small addition you add a whole point in his backstory about him trying to deal with his urges.

Jesus I have forgotten so much. As soon as Brendan hears his mother coming, he immediately clicks "Dump her" on the "Virtual Babe" and it just... explodes.

With a full low-quality boom sound effect to boot. Like seriously if you were trying to hide why the f have your speakers on. You had one job, Brendan.

A rare glimpse into Brendan's room, and I'm trying to understand what the pattern on his sheets are. Maybe I'm just confused by the astronaut figurine, but it looks... vaguely... about space? Like, if you squint, the circular thing on the top left looks like Saturn's rings. No?

Also, Brendan's mom being obsessed with disinfection. That was 2003.

"I don't want filth getting into my house while I'm gone." And two hours later, her son has sex on her bed.

Oh wait, his father says "The only contact [Brendan] has with the outside world is through that bloody computer of his," in a... weird, tone? Like he's trying to placate the mother's fears of any rave party suddenly taking place in the house, but also with his tone (and maybe by using the word "bloody"? idk I'm no native speaker but it piques my interest) it doesn't seem like he's very... understanding and/or supportive of his probably very shy and/or socially awkward son.

Mom: That reminds me, block off the internet, will you? Dad: *scoffs* Why not lock him in a tower while you're at it?

He is sassy though!

Lookit him though! So sad he won't be able to create and look at Virtual BabesTM while his parents are gone.

The parent's accents strike me more towards a British one and I got confused for a bit, but then I remembered that we see Brendan use euros later, lol.

*hatching the plan to search in his father's briefcase for any cards for escort services*

This is where I started feeling that this movie is better than I’d remembered. Like, it does the job of delivering Brendan's guilt over "tresspassing" into his parents room and disobeying his mother, as well as his fear of being discovered, even though he watched his parents drive away, so he'd hear the car if they came back, in a pretty well-done and clear way.

I love how he immediately knows exactly where to look. His father's such an organized fella. Also those pills that he seems to not need immediately (thus leaving them behind for the weekend) are... something. They're put there for a reason and I wonder what that could have been.

There's not even a moment of hesitation, once he opens the briefcase. He doesn't put the card back in, he only looks briefly at his parents' photo but then he's like "Yeah. I'm doing it."

That smile as he sees the card though, lol.

Casual reminder to have safe sex, lads.

And then the phone operator is like, full business mode. Brendan stutters for one (1) second and she's immediately like, "You want a girl?" She's like, I've had tons of people like you, lad, can't waste my time waiting until you find the courage to ask. You wanna hire or not?

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED The operator asks for the address, Brendan gives it, then asks how much does it cost. Then the operator says "Same as usual." BRUH she knew the address from how often his father used the service!

And then poor Brendan checks his savings and his "Uh..." says it all about how he wishes he could hire someone for longer than an hour. Bro, calm down. It's your first time.

And then he's like, waiting all anxiously by the door. I've never hired an escort service but I feel ya dude.

And of course Barbara the nosy neighbor, here to bring us to the edge of our seats, lol.

Look at how organized their fridge is. Why is that chick suddenly so eager to cook something for him? There looks to be so much food already prepared in there.

And dude. This movie has set-ups. Barbara tries to open a cupboard to like pick up ingredients to cook something, and Brendan, with a sudden "No!" rushes in and closes it. It only makes sense later, when we see that that's where he hid the money for the call girl.

Yikes she booped his nose as she left... what is he, ten? I mean even if he's supposed to be a teen here it's still... like... he's not a little boy to fucking boop his nose. No wonder her mother seems to trust her with taking care of him, with how both treat him like he's a child.

Hi there! You're gonna die :D

Shit I just noticed the portrait on the wall. Is that a... is that a fucking ruff collar his mother is wearing???? (btw I had to search to find that term with "shakespeare collar" XD)

I mean... you can't help falling for it. At first you're like, she seems too... simple for a call girl. But then you're like, who else could it be who also knows his name?

I wonder what would've happened if she hadn't asked to use the bathroom, which prompted her to look at his parents' bedroom and him to... initiate contact. Would he have mustered the courage to actually ask her about it or would he have been so flustered until she'd say something? What would she say? "You know, your mother said you would [something]" and he would FREAK THE FUCK OUT because how does his mother know? Would they have stayed there in awkward silence long enough for his mother to call, him to pick up and find out what she was really there for?

I mean, look at that! I'm speculacting the "what-ifs"! Good fucking movie!

That look, though. You suddenly go from "Aw you cute" to "WTF I know you're thirsty for it but that's... creepy"

Look at that smile, though! She is pretty nosy!

I just... I love everything about this. The way she's smiling at nosing in in her boss' bedroom. Him creeping behind her like the future killer that he is, actually scaring her. The way he says "This is my mother's room," so shy and collected. The fucking music, too. How it slowly builds up from the moment she spots the bedroom and it starts developing when Brendan kisses her.

And that kiss. So chaste and shy and yet she's like, wow yeah let's have sex now.

"You're not as shy as you look." LOL

For the pre-sex scene I just wanna link y'all to @killian-whump 's post about it, since it says it all.

Also dude the voicemail is set up from that moment too, but we've yet to hear what it includes, aside from his mother being bossy about the smallest things. "I hope you haven't gone back to bed." IF ONLY YOU KNEW. Not only what bed he's gone to, but also what he's doing on said bed.

"You don't waste much time, do you?" Lol if only you knew. And again his first response is to apologize if he did anything wrong.

And you know what? Plot twists are a hell of a lot of fun and well made when they make you go back and see things with the new perspective. Like, how chill and simple she was, why she said the last line I mentioned, the newly-known reasons why she said it was kinky to have sex in his mother's bedroom... *slams hand on table* That's a great way to do a plot twist! A fucking plus!

Like seriously, this convo: B: Have you met my father? M: No, but a lot of the other girls have though.

Pre-plot twist viewer: Wow whAT how do you say it like that Post-plot twist viewer: Yeah makes sense

M: I think he gets sympathy from them, like, you know, cause his wife's such an old witch... *realizes* Oh, I'm sorry! I shouldn't have said that! *more failed excuses and then THAT face*

And like, that's a bit inappropriate in any case but pre-plot twist you're like WTAF. And then you're like eh makes sense for frustrated employees to pity their bitchy boss' seemingly calm husband...

And there's that set-up from before. Job well done, film.

And then their argument about the money. Brendan being confused about the amount, Mandy saying she'll come back and speak to his mother about it...

Seriously though what if he'd found out the voicemail after he'd had sex and before the "confrontation"? Would he like, have sent her on her merry way with all the money and then had more sex with the actual call girl?

And then his instinct, to try and make sure his mother won't find out, is to fucking threaten the woman with a knife. Wow, a little too much, Brendan. And then his first instinct, when they're fighting, is to search and grab the knife and fucking stab her. Lbr though that's just baby Colin finding his call for playing messed-up characters.

Also how did she die so quickly. Guess I found one weakness in the plot XD

And now you're like Jesus he just murdered her but when Barbara comes a-knocking and he looks at her and exasperatedly calls her name, you're like... same, bro.

And the stupid bastard didn't even wash the blood off his arm. Like seriously, Brendan, either do a murder correctly or don't do it at all. At least you can't say he wasn't dedicated, bro sliced his own arm open. *pats head* you'll learn, my little murderous bean, you'll learn.

Brendan: I was doing the dishes. Barbara: Did your parents leave them for you to do? They must have left in a rush this morning.

Yes, Barbara, he can do the dishes, he's in an undetermined age between late teens and-

Barbara: They didn't even make their bed.

Wtf you nosy bitch.

See what I'm saying? Full character development for a character with like, two minutes of screentime.

And then the voicemail drops like an anvil. My first thought when his mother said that Mandy is nothing but trouble I was like "Yo look who's talking" but then I thought that... yeah she did creep in her boss' bedroom, actually had sex with her son in it, then pretty much talked dirt to him about her... I mean she definitely didn't deserve to die, but maybe his mother was a good judge of character for one (1) moment.

And then Lorraine appears.

And Brendan's like "Now I have money for like, three hours with her. Maybe I'll even convince her to help me hide the body too."

“OR MAYBE I’LL JUST KILL HER TOO.”

In conlusion, yup, I’m pretty glad I spent a good hour and a bit watching, analyzing, writing this review and screencapping this film. 10/10 would rewatch and review again.

#Colin O'Donoghue #/#//#///#////#Call Girl

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franeridart · 6 years

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Oh man, I'm just imagining that there's so many close brushes with kiribaku almost realizing or almost being in positions to find out that the other is a vigilante-- an injury and no way to get into contact with Jack or Mina-- a rainstorm washing Kiri's dye away on the job. I think it'd be especially funny if he thought for a minute that Kiri was bleeding but then Kiri is like "UH GOTTA GO ITS NOT BLOOD" and he realizes it's red hair dye

Oh Kirishima sort of already suspects it’s Bakugou - more or less? He’s in the process of starting to suspect it, at least lol for being someone who really doesn’t want to be found out Bakugou’s more carefree in his disguise than Kirishima is (his hair is a pretty obvious giveaway, for example, thought Bakugou relies a lot on the ‘attacking and running’ strategy, so in his mind all he gotta do is just not be seen by anyone at all lol) compared to Kiri he gets bruised and beaten up way more too (Kiri’s hardening makes it easy for him to avoid that in general) - Kiri’s noticing Bakugou’s bruises and his vigilante friend’s bruises match up a whole damn lot, so he’s starting to figure that one out

Bakugou’s a dumbass tho (read: he doesn’t really look at people he isn’t particularly interested in) so for him it’s gonna take a while haha

Anon said: If in vigilantes au Bakugou and jirou are just friends why do they live together and hug like a couple?

They’re best friends, and sometimes when your best friend is going through a real rough heartbreak and he’s in literal tears over it, you might be nice enough to offer your back for him to hide his face in and let him pretend he isn’t currently breaking down on you. Sometimes, you like a person in a platonic way enough to emotionally support them as best as you can when they’re at their lowest. It. Sort of happens between best friends, now and again. You don’t really need to want in someone’s pants to care about them.

They live together cause they started working together as vigilantes when they were in high school, and once they moved up to college they found it a good idea to have someone back home who knew about what they were doing to treat eventual wounds, since they can’t go to the hospital! Also the rent is cheaper this way

Anon said:Can you draw more comics of childhood kiribaku? You’re art is sooo cute 💓

It’s something I’ve regularly kept on going back on for years by now, so sure, it’ll probably happen! And thank you!

Anon said:OH MY GOD. Please tell me you will make an official webcomic of your Vigilante AU. It’s so beautiful, cute and I definitely need more of this. It’s like a drug that I did not know I needed until I read your concept(????). BTW, your art is soooo pretty. Thank you so much for drawing KiriBaku ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Ahhh I’m really happy to hear you like it! For personal reasons I’ve decided that making a cohesive, coherent succession of comics isn’t something I want to do, but I think I’ll draw more of that AU soon enough, snapshots and things like that! I hope that’s good enogh for you~

Anon said:May I request a pissed kiri??

Didn’t I draw that less than 10 posts ago

Anon said:Hey, I rlly admire you! I wish we were friends, you seem rlly nice!!

Thank you!!! The few close friends I have might tell you I’m actually not that great at the whole friends thing, but I appreciate the feeling a lot! :D

Anon said:Were Kirishima’s eyes red in the last panel of the last comic??

Yep :( he really does like Bakugou, after all

Anon said:I saw you answering the other anon and if I may ask, why posting the gem au was a big mistake? Were pol rude with you? If it’s so, I’m sorry abt it

Anon said:You said that posting your SU AU stuff was the biggest mistake you ever made… is it because of something that we, as viewers and worshippers of your KiriBaku (damn, I’ll never stop telling you it’s cute and adorable and it hurts but it’s also sweet), can help NOT doing? Or is there anything we can do?

It’s okay, it just got in the hands of people who don’t particularly like Bakugou, and these people started talking about the AU in less than nice terms, which was honestly pretty ridiculous and made me wonder how people can survive being alive on this earth when they consider Steven Universe sensitive material but either way it brought around in my activities a bunch of people I would have preferred not to interact with ever, and that sort of took the fun out of the AU? Now every time I think about drawing for it those people come back up in my head and I get annoyed all over again, it’s no fun

Anon said:are you still doing the fusion au? id love to see kaminari and shinsou

I’m not, sorry! Though someone did ask about baku and mineta and I’ve been thinking about drawing that horrible monster since then, and I’ve also been wanting to redesign the krbk fusion, so maybe I might get back to it ??? I’ll add shin*kami to the list haha

Anon said:I really like the relationship Jack and Bakugou have, and the angst is nice too! I really like the vigilatne AU! I hope we can see more of it, only if you feel like it of course!

Thank you so much ;;;

Anon said:Silly question. If Kirishima activated his quirk being in water. Would he float like wood, or he’d drown like a rock? >//w//

Oh, I’m pretty sure he’d go down since his quirk makes him into a rock haha

Anon said:I think this is around the eighth anonymous ask I send you, but being a porn-making Tumblr user, it’s better if I don’t go public. I just wanted to say, once again, that I love your KiriBaku, it makes me both ache and feel so warm and fuzzy inside; but right now, the focus is that Bakugou’s crying face against Jack’s back is just so good, expressive and painful. I often hate his guts, but yours I can never hate. And the sheer intensity of that expression, and the environment too… so many feels

Aw, thank you!!! I’m glad I can make you enjoy my fav character, anon :D !!

Anon said:I have a question about the vigilante AU. What’s the relationship between jirou and bakugou? Because they don’t look like just friends

Why don’t they look like just friends tho

Anon said:Hypothetically. How would Bakugou react (or what would he do) if Kirishima stopped showing interest in him?

Are we talking about a specific AU or is this meant for the canon universe? Well, either way I’d say he’d be pretty hurt, but it’s not like he can force Kirishima to like him can he. Ah, in the vigilantes AU he’d probably think it’s for the best even if he’d hurt a lot over it, but in canon and most other AUs I like to think he’d try to fix it somehow? Unless he has other reasons to not act on his feelings for Kirishima… gosh this is a vague question, there are so many possibilities really!

Anon said:🧡Hi Fran! I’m pretty sure you’re the one who introduced this concept to me so I wanted to say thanks! Touch starved Bakugou and super cuddly Bakugou are totally my fave, especially when you have him all curled up with Jirou! Having them be Mina and Kiri level besties makes so much sense and I love you for introducing that thought to me!!!🧡

I’m!!!!!!!!!!! so happy to hear that!!!!!!!!!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:in your vigilante au, Kiri has a scar, does Bakugo ever notice the scar?(curious if it reminds him of Red or nah, love yur art btw~~

When he’s not doing vigilantes work it’s actually hidden by the hair, so Bakugou never noticed! But if he were to notice he’d probably mark it down as a Kiri thing and leave it at that, as I said he’s not the most observant when he’s not particularly interested in someone so he hasn’t really registered it on Red’s face anyway haha

Anon said:I RLLY LOVE YOUR AU!! I haven’t found an AU in this fandom I’m rlly into but THIS IS SOCUTE??? will there be more?

Heck I sure hope so!! Thank you for liking it!!!

Anon said:hey for the anon you were looking for an outrageous ship to draw to test out their theory, try Tokoyami and Link (legend of Zelda link) cuz I just saw cosplayers of them hardcore dancing at dragoncon and I die every time I think about it. You can find a video of it on quirk-registration-office

…………………..I’m probably never gonna draw that ngl LMAO BUT this ask made me wanna draw Tokoyami as a Rito so I guess that’s ???? something that might happen instead heck that’s a good concept I should have thought about earlier

Anon said:I absolutely love your art its soon amazing and I really like the vigilantly au but take care of yourself okay

I dunno what I did to make you worry about me but thank you so much for it? I’ll try my best !!!! And thank you for liking my doodles too!!! ;^;

Anon said:Do you know about any fanfics based in your art?? (Idk if that’s grammatically correct sorry 😅)

Hmmmmmmmmmm there are a few but the only one that comes to mind right now is such a funny pair !!! boy ellen’s fics are always so damn amazing, I still can’t believe she wrote for me ;^;

#fran answers #inbox will stay closed still for a while #sorry! ;;;;#anonymous

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quicklyseverebird · 4 years

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Adoption arguements

I am posting the full history of this conversation to give context, and leaving off the name of the speaker because I don’t want this to be a hatchet job or have it look like I want this person hassled. Ultimately the position is what I want to address, not the person, who is undoubtedly sincere.But sincerity doesn’t mean right. This came about from a post discussing the value of adoption where this individual pointed out many adoptees have complaints. I choose to do this this way mostly because I don’t want to feel limited by the PM system, and because I have very strong feelings following this exchange.

Them:

If you can, check out the following links to see what I mean. https://twitter.com/DebbieGarratt/status/1188565960061378560?s=19 https://twitter.com/DebbieGarratt/status/1188585006311989248?s=19 https://twitter.com/DebbieGarratt/status/1188592298021404674?s=19 Also, their living status doesn't outweigh adoptees' complaints about their adoptions if they're almost 4x more likely to attempt suicide.

And this too: https://adoptionsurveysblog.wordpress.com/2017/10/14/results-in-adult-adoptee-perceptions-in-closed-adoption/

[for reference, the twitter posts says this]:

Me:

I'm a little bit confused as to what you are debating? That adoption carries hardship and some mental trauma? Sure. Life has that too. Would it be better if adoption took place within the family? Of course! I think anyone would agree with that so long as family isn't abusive or drug ridden. I HATE what that woman said in the twitter. What kind of monster do you have to be to say that to a child? Talk about causing mental trauma... And no, the fact that they are alive definately outweighs any other factor. Unless you're going to argue that a higher percentage of suicide means they are better off dead to begin with? If so, will you advocate for the death of transgender people who have suicide rates 20 x the national average? That's absurd. Adoption comes with hardship, absolutely. hardship increases chances of suicide, matter of fact. I would like to see those graphs plotted against a random selection of the population to see how they compare to norms. I didn't happen to see the 4x figure. but then I'm trying to get to bed now, lol. I'm just confused as to what your position is. Abortion is better than adoption?

Them:

No, I am a pro-lifer and so is Debbie and some of these adoptees. We just don't think that claiming another person's child as your own is a beneficial or necessary way to care for a child from a crisis pregnancy. It's because many pro-lifers believe that it is that many adoptees are turned off by the pro-life movement. Legal guardianship is a good way to take in a child who doesn't have any relatives who aren't willing or able to care for them, but adoption is not necessary and can and often does cause a lot of the trauma that's described in those links. As for what kind of monster would say that to an adoptee, it's the same kind of monster who will say to a homosexual, "that 'love is love' and 'born this way' lines are nothing more than propaganda and I was a fool to believe otherwise". This is what adoptees will say because they know this first-hand and they know that they're far from alone in this.

Me:

I just...I can't fathom ever saying that kind of thing to a child. Talk about destroying a child's confidence and self image and making them suicidal. I can't think of a single child that line could ever help. The lines to a homosexual are bad because they are wrong. Telling an adoptee they are special is not only kind, it is also true. After all, they ARE special. Each one is special to God, and each one is made special by the love of others for them. They WERE chosen, literally! To say to a child, "no, you were unwanted and not special, but that's ok, you're not less than anyone else..." I mean, that literally sends two opposite messages. I don't know if you are a Christian, but God himself says that we, as believers are adopted sons and daughters of God. The term is applied to us. And once again, if there is someone in the family that could take them in, that's great. We agree on that, certainly. And I believe the courts do as well. That's a form of adoption, in fact. But if they can't, then adoption outside the family would be the next step. Any family will have its issues, but I believe adoption is a net positive outcome situation. I don't...I just don't understand what you are fighting against.

Them:

You're misunderstanding what we're talking about. The grown adoptees are not saying to an adoptee that he/she isn't inherently special or chosen. They're saying to him/her that his/her parents didn't adopt him/her for those reasons, but because it was their last resort after trying to have children of their own. They're pointing out the selfish and covetous reasons for adopting a child that have little (if anything) to do with the child's best interests at heart. That's the reality with many adoptive parents and adoptees are sick of them trying to pretend otherwise. As for what we're fighting against, you're confusing taking in a child and caring for him/her to always mean adoption, but that's not the case. Adoption, as it is defined in the adoption community, is only one way of doing it. Another way to do it is with legal guardianship even if the child isn't related to the family. The difference between that and adoption is that adoption involves the extra step of the family severing the child's ties with his/her original family and claiming them as their own. That is the thing that adoptees and their allies find problematic and unnecessary and different from biblical adoption (which only involves adults being adopted for inheritance purposes) and that's what we're fighting against. Despite what adoptive parents and adoption agencies will tell you, blood ties are important because they make up a huge part of a person's origins and identity. It's one thing to choose or be chosen as part of a spiritual family, but it's another thing to completely severe ties with your original family to try to replace them with someone else. God wants us to honor our parents, including our biological parents, and that's really hard to do when our connections with them have been cut in all but DNA and our blood ties have been rendered insignificant.

Me:

Ok, you've given me a lot to think about and I believe I understand a little better what your position is, but before I reply, I need you to answer a couple questions to help me understand better how to do so. Were you adopted? Do you have children?

Them:

Neither, but I do know people in and outside my family who were teen/single moms and some people in real life who were adopted. And I used to have that pro-adoption mindset, until I saw some things that helped me understand what adoptees must feel about their parents rejecting/abandoning them. And not long after, I started doing research and reading a lot of testimonies from adoptees and bio moms (who are not always mutually exclusive, BTW) about the trauma that they've experienced from the relinquishment. There are whole blogs about it on Facebook and all over the Internet with a bunch of testimonies from writers, followers, and commenters. You can Google them and see what they have to say. And when you do, please just listen to them instead of trying to argue with them about adoption because they've already been through that and they're sick of it. There's also scientific research about it with biology and social science fields that you can also Google. Also, take note that just because some adoptee may seem happy with their adoptions doesn't mean that they actually are. They might actually be hiding their true feelings, in denial about it, or not having processed the trauma that they experienced at a young age. Many of the dissatisfied adoptees that I've heard from were once in that position.

Ok, deep breath.

First off, I think you are over-simplifying things enormously. And I think you fail to keep things in perspective. Are there bad parents, whether they adopt or not? Yes. Do some people adopt for the wrong reasons, or because they have no other option? Yes. Do some people have kids of their OWN for the wrong reasons? Yes. I think you are so focused on this one aspect of family life that you fail to remember that there are $****ty people everywhere. That parents can mess up, that kids can get hurt, no matter how they became a part of a family. Everything you say about adoptee kids above, can be said by natural children. You speak about how many websites there are from adopted kids talking about their hardships. Did you ever check to see how many websites there are about natural children talking about their families? Heck, that’s practically a rite of passage and a badge of honor these days for kids to complain about how much their families messed them up. If you wanted to make some kind of definitive statement about the value of adoption, you need to compare it to a baseline, which I don’t see that you have.

Now, I agree with you that separating kids from their families is a hardship. Would it be better for them to be “adopted” (by whatever form, or however you want to call it, becoming a part of a new set of guardians) within their extended family so they retain a sense of their roots? Certainly. However, that is not always possible, or even desirable for a multitude of factors. Would you force the family to keep a child they didn’t want for the hypothetical value you think it would gain in being part of such a family? I would hope not. I think you oversimplify the types of adoption there are too. Not everything is closed. I have friends who adopted a child through the foster system that regularly sees his biological grandparents, even though the parents didn’t want him. There is a whole spectrum of adoption formats, each having their own unique dynamics and struggles.

Now I also agree with you that adopted kids are likely to have some unique struggles of their own. Some hardships that natural children aren’t going to have. Some will be unique to their circumstances, such as feelings of abandonment and issues of self worth because of their birth mother giving them up. Some will be due to the genetics or condition of their birth. You talk about adopted kids having a suicide rate 4x higher than the norm. Assuming that’s true, there are other factors at work here that could contribute to this apart from them just being “adopted.” Many women who give up their babies have medical, genetic, mental or drug issues that lead to their not only giving up the child, but having it in the first place. How many adoptee kids are born with damage due to their mother’s drug or alcohol use? How many kids are given up because they themselves have medical issues their parents don’t want to deal with? My pastor adopted a daughter who has had lifelong struggles with medical issues almost certainly due to her mother’s lifestyle and who was surrendered for adoption in part because of those medical issues. These things are present in a higher concentration among adoptees than the general public, which itself would lead to a higher risk of mental illness and suicide. You are only looking at one factor, adoption, and making a simplistic correlation: If X is with Y than Y is caused by X, ignoring factors A, B, C and Z.

Once more I want to freely admit that people can adopt for the wrong reasons. Absolutely true. But, how many people have babies for equally wrong reasons? Which child has it better: the one who was adopted by a loving family because mom was a crack addict and got knocked up by her pimp, or a child conceived and kept by the biological mother so she could collect child support from the baby daddy? Chances are, over all, the adopted child has it better. While there is value in knowing where you come from, good or bad (think about the huge popularity of ancestry.com and similar sites, even if knowing your ancestors came from 20 different countries has no meaningful effect on your day to day life), it is not a magical panacea that cures all things. Often, that knowledge can be just as damaging, or moreso, than ignorance is. Substitute “child” for “adoptee” in your comments above and the result would be equally true. Not to mention you fail to consider the dynamic of “The Review.” When you’re looking to purchase an item online, you will check the reviews to see what people think. The problem here, is that, statistically, the only people who tend to comment are the ones who either had a GREAT experience with it and want to share, or the people who had a horrible experience and want to vent. The vast majority don’t bother and continue on with their lives. Only the vocal ones are seen and noted. Its why anecdotal evidence is meaningless. Now your statistical data has some value, but without a comparison to a control, it’s useless. Some 30% or so of them have considered suicide in the past. Ok, but what % of people in general consider suicide at some point in their life? I did myself, and I’m not an adoptee.

Now to get to the issue that has me fired up. That quote by Debbie and your claim that telling kids “the truth” that they aren’t special has some value. Now I understand that what you mean is, telling kids they weren’t adopted BECAUSE they were special. But saying that to a child, and telling them they were adopted because they weren’t wanted by their parents, and the adopted parents wanted them because they couldn’t have kids of their own is….is…

I want to be clear here. I am not using hyperbolic language. I am not trying to be dramatic. I am giving my diagnosis of such an approach, as a mother with a teen daughter.

This. Is. Evil.

And I don’t mean that in a nebulous, general sense. I mean, telling that to a child, any child, at any age, or even an adult, is doing the literal Devil’s work. This is beyond despicable, beyond selfish. This is wicked, horrible, evil and cruel.

Now you and Debbie couch it in terms of, “well it’s just the truth, give up the fairy tale.” No. You are missing the point entirely. Even if everything you said is technically true, and they were given up because their parents were horrible people, and they were adopted by horrible people, you’re still wrong. Someone is not made special because of who gave birth to them or who adopted them. They aren’t made special by their family. Every single woe you declare present in the life of an adopted child would be made worse by them hearing such a statement.

Now before you respond with indignation and outrage, saying “but what we really mean is…” I want you to think about how this would sound if said to a non-adopted child. Because in large part it can be. Everything Debbie said could be applied to many children:

“You aren’t chosen, you aren’t special. You were born even though your parents didn’t want you, couldn’t afford you, or were forced to.” You can even riff off of this same idea with, “You were just born because your parents forgot to wear a condom, or Mommy was trying to get Daddy to marry her, or they were drunk one night, etc, therefor you aren’t special.” Same exact energy.

If I said that to a child from the inner city, living with his single mother, you would be horrified. It doesn’t matter if I followed it up with a: “Oh by the way, you’re not less than anyone else, you aren’t here because of a sin and you deserve to be here.” The only thing you or that child is going to hear and remember is the first part, and it, quite frankly, refutes and negates anything said in the second half. Saying that to a child will scar them. Because, in fact, that child IS special, regardless of the circumstances of its birth. And it quite likely is wrong anyways, since it’s based on a host of simplistic assumptions.

Seriously now, you talk about the hardships adoptees face due to their circumstances and you honestly believe telling a child, or even an adult, who is already struggling with self worth and their identity, what Debbie says, is going to help them? Are you insane? If someone is struggling with depression, will telling them they aren’t special, but buck up anyways, is going to help? Will it help someone who is part of a population with 4X the suicide rate? Will it help anyone?

The answer is no. Because it is a lie framed as a “brutal/honest truth,” and to say it to anyone, especially a child, is literally evil. Even if it WERE true, as the Bible says, “speak the truth in love.” There is no love in that statement. Adoptees face many struggle, by your own arguments. You aren’t helping.

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mentalcurls · 5 years

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11. Una scelta stupida

Episode 11! The end of S1! I almost can’t believe I made it, I’m emotional. So this is I think the longest of all my analysis/ramblings posts of season 1 (almost 6 pages on GDoc) so good luck to any all brave souls who read this! Hopefully you’ll find interesting my opinions on trophy husbands, pregnancy scares, new and old headcanons on Elia and Edoardo and boys seldom facing the same consequences girls do for their actions. And of course at the end you can find the results for the Bechdel test!

look how cute the girls look in Eva’s pjs!

ok, so Eva’s parents are not home and she has the house to herself… except she hesitated quite a bit the night before to tell the girls she was available to take Silvia (and the rest of them) in; that’s not Eva-like tbh, the only reason I can see to do that is if her parents had somehow found out about Edoardo and Silvia’s rendezvous and had forbidden Eva to have anyone over

Eva’s mom has such a cool job, from the way Eva tells it she’s a textile buyer or seller (aka the dream for me): she’s one of the people who decide a couple of years before we see the runways what will trend in fashion as far as materials and print go

Giorgio Brighi is a trophy husband and he knows it and enjoys the perks

Sana being the icon she is and not drinking coffee, but tea

Federica. Fede. Girl. You had a perfectly good cutting board to put the oranges you already squeezed on. Why didn’t you??

btw, ok, I get it, orange juice is breakfast-y, but it’s JUNE which is not exactly prime orange season. Why force it? Put Fede to prepare toast with jam, she can make a mess of crumbs

if I’d just woken up all disoriented like Silvia, Eleonora crossing her arms at me would have scared me like shit

still, bless Eleonora Sava and her no-nonsense approach to the following conversation: Silvia can’t not eat, nothing special happened the night before, there’s a question they need to ask, how sure is she, ok so they’ll go to the free clinic this week, all without paraphrasing or being vague or judging Silvia; that is definitely the best way she could have handled it

and it is of course so important that the two people who talk to Silvia the most are Eleonora and Sana, the one who she had the most problems with, the ones she’s the most convinced will hate her

look at her! Silvia apologizing for being unwell and throwing up because she made a fuss! She was not low maintenance, she was actually so high maintenance she couldn’t anything by herself, she inconvenienced all the girls and forced them to take care of her and she made a scene! She doesn’t really know, but of course she imagines she made a scene at the party, arriving drunk at the party and making a spectacle of herself, fainting, making people worry about her. It is the very worst thing for her because she simultaneously acted not at all like a proper, refined girl and was super high maintenance: the stuff of nightmares for her

and if this scene isn’t a mirror of the very first scene of the series, where Gio and Marti mocked Eva for her mark in the history test and Gio “tried” to cheer her up saying that she was good at other things (I’d link to my post about ep.1 for my thoughts on that, but Tumblr would disappear my post from tags so 🤷‍♀️): except here the girls tell Silvia she’s good at something that genuinely is hard work and she actually is good at and worked to be good at and makes her proud of herself, even though the atmosphere is still silly and light and there are still jokes to make her laugh

I so empathize with the girls all looking at one another when it’s time to ask Silvia is she’s pregnant cause none of them wants to say it

Silvia can’t find her voice to answer them verbally 💔

Sana putting her mug down and exhaling, Fede inhaling sharply, opening her mouth like she wants to say something but can’t find the words

Eva is the one to think to ask, albeit indirectly, if Silvia took a test and she’s the one who reads the test and recognizes what it means: so she is pretty familiar with pregnancy scares and all that goes with them apparently, but wait a minute, why, exactly? Eva??

and really, I’d like to take a minute and appreciate Eleonora Sava here, because for all that she insisted on Silvia having safe sex, on taking her to the free clinic the first time around, for all she was pretty pissed when Silvia told them she and Edo didn’t use a condom, now that she could say “I told you so” in a multitude of ways from the most direct to the most subtle, she says nothing and offers Silvia an actionable plan for the near future to make her feel supported and comfortable 👏👏👏

honestly, Eleonora being able to just say entire sentences backwards is cool yet slightly creepy

yeeees the theatre kids are back! I missed them 💖 (they’re so passionate and they don’t care what people think of them and they reach out to people! Fucking role models)

theatre girl keeps sneaking looks at Ele, is there some unrequited crushing going on here???

Ele’s thumbs up cracks me up

bless him, theatre guy really wants people to believe there are almost no spots left, he’s so cute

I just realized who theatre guy goes to harass after Eva and Eleonora: he yells “Santini!” and while that is a pretty common surname, I know deep in my heart of hearts that he’s talking to Elia, so Elia used to be in the theatre group too when his, Eva’s, Gio’s and Marti’s class was in Succursale NEW HEADCANON ACCEPTED you can now pry it from my cold dead hands

so Edo has been texting Ele for a couple of weeks and she hasn’t answered any of his texts and, still, he waited at least ten days before trying to talk to her again: my headcanon that he thinks he’s some sort of mysterious romance novel guy a là Edward Cullen gets stronger and stronger (honestly, check out Brooding YA Hero on Twitter, half of the tweets are Edo, the other half are Nico when he’s trying to impress Marti. Honestly: these guys)

and again with that stupid “Eduardo” when they could have gone with gems such as Eriberto

his “Buongiorno, eh” that implies that she should have been the one to greet him first and she ignored him instead, even though he was standing behind her, find his perfect match in Ele’s “Wow” which shows exactly how impressed she is that he finally had the balls to at least actually talk to her face to face again

OMG the way he says her full name like he expects to get a prize or something for discovering it, like he expects her to be impressed and for that to woo her into his arms, instead of sounding borderline stalkerish

in fact, Eva is supremely unimpressed throughout the conversation

backwards compliments will get you nowhere Edo: if you tell her she’s smart, you don’t say she doesn’t show it the next minute (but again, this is a typical Brooding YA Hero move)

that “Everytime you say no to me, I only want you more” is straight out of some clichè romance novel like GOD, can you be more obvious Edo?

Ele’s unimpressed raised eyebrow gives me life

and when nothing else works, like any good asshole, Edoardo goes goes for simple shock value, goes for the thing that will make Ele look stupid and uptight and a jerk if she gets mad about it, goes for words she can’t have a rebuttal for, goes for fake vulnerability and kindness (as proven by the way he smiles smug like he knows exactly what he is doing), goes for physical attractiveness which can imply objectification and sexualization (especially when you think about the fact Edo complimented her intelligence but immediately backtracked a couple of line earlier)

Eva saved you there, Edoardo. Ele might have been taken aback for a second, but when she saw you smirking, she started gearing up for one hell of a roast and I honestly struggled to think how you would have survived another one

the girls just march into the doctor’s office unannounced???

Sana’s eyebrow raise at the doctor’s “Salam aleikum” is 💯💯💯

for realsies though, how sarcastic is that “Benissimo” from the doctor?? Like, she spent what I expect was an excruciating amount of time teaching Silvia how to put on a condom (based on how scared Silvia was of the fake dick she would have had to practice on) and now it seems she didn’t even use it? She’s over it

oh, but Ele and Sana have both been thinking bout this, they’ve planned how things will go for Silvia: in Ele’s mind how she’ll have to have an abortion, she doesn’t even need her parents permission since she’s 16 but at the same time she’s just 16 and the father is not in the picture as well as an asshole, she has the maturità next year and she can’t really handle a pregnancy and a newborn baby at the same time as school and her exams and the psychological aspects, and she has the beginning of an ED on top of all of that; Sana on the other hand is planning for Silvia keeping the baby, influenced by her being religious, but she’s a practical girl nonetheless and thinking of adoption I expect, then of how Silvia will have to face the music at home and at school and the girls will have to support her, but also of how a pregnancy might be in some ways good for her because it will make her have a completely different relationship with her body and food and boys and even with her family

and Silvia doesn’t speak. Silvia doesn’t have an opinion in this. She tried to “kill Edoardo’s baby” the previous week, but here she doesn’t speak, even when it is her body and potentially her baby on the line

the only thing she’s insistent about is that she took a test, even when the doctor is prescribing some actual medical tests (not saying pharmacy bought pregnancy tests aren’t accurate, but they can sometimes be wrong)

she’s just so resigned

Silvia and the other girls don’t seem to know what an ovulation test is?? But they were so well informed about contraceptives in ep.5! Fall of a myth

Silvia’s poor cousin who wants to have a baby but can’t check if she’s fertile so she can have sex at the right moment 😕

the relief on the other girls faces when the doctor says Silvia’s not pregnant

and the doctor is good, she saw right through Silvia and understood immediately what was the actual problem, but I’m kind of mad she didn’t say anything more than “You can’t live on love and air” to Silvia about eating better, she’s a doctor ffs

woman-on-a-mission-Eva is back and walking towards Marti, I’d be scared if I were you bby, she even wore the heavy boots to kick your ass better

aaand he tries to act like nothing’s wrong; Marti, did you really think you’d get away with it??

Eva is so impressed Marti called her to talk and all he talks about is Gio and not telling Gio about how he knew of Eva cheating and the mess he made

and I can’t even imagine how betrayed Eva feels right now: not only she finds out about more lies Gio told, but it is also confirmed that someone she relied on, someone she thought was on her side, at least back then, was not, ever

and I said it before, but Gio and Marti would happily take a bullet for one another, Eva was a bit naive there thinking Martino would side with her; sure, it turns out he didn’t exactly side with Gio for the last part of this story, acting in a self-serving way, but he sure as hell never really spared much thought to Eva

just so you know, I’m torn: half of me is like “he did all of that and now he has the nerve to CRY?” and wants to grab him and shake him out of stupid; the other half is going “my baby! my poor baby! OMG, this is breaking my heart make it stop” (S2 I blame you)

“un po’ un’infamata”/”a bit of a shitty thing” UN PO’? UN PO’???? (imagine me pulling a full Captain Raymond Holt reacting to Agent Rosa Diaz telling him he and his husband need to “bone”)

everytime Eva turns to Marti, then turns away, she gets more disbelieving and a piece of her heart breaks a bit more

and all the pieces fall into place, finally, so Eva finally feels like she has the full picture of when and how her life fell apart: she takes a step back while listening to Marti, look at it attentively, and she can’t help but pinpoint one specific moment as the one where it all went to hell

yes, great choice telling a kid with a mentally ill mother he’s a “psycho”

“It’ll sound absurd, but I never wanted to hurt you” YES IT DOES SOUND ABSURD AND I DON’T NEED PERMISSION FROM YOU TO THINK THAT MARTINO ALSO GO TO HELL

also, look who’s been taking lesson from bodice-ripper-clichès-spouter extraordinaire Edoardo Incanti *drumroll* Martino, and the pupil is already better than the master cause he’s far more convincing

and I can’t really begin to pretend to understand what goes through Eva’s head here, why she decides to joke and forgive Marti this quickly: is it because she’s seen the big picture and come to her decision and has decided thing would have come to this one way or another anyways? Is it because she’s gotten attached to the idea of Marti being into her and she’s planning to give him a chance, like she obviously does at the end of the year party? Is it honestly because she feels like it’s karma/the universe paying her back for how she hurt Laura? Is it because her and Marti were really close even before she dated Gio? (which makes only half sense to me since they’ve only known one another four year tops, and yeah, okay, it’s four years, but it’s also just four years)

that shot where Eva leans her head on Marti’s shoulder though. Poetic cinema.

and WHAT ARE THE ODDS? Gio is there

and like, why’s Gio so worried about justifying who he’s with, when he and Eva are on a pause??

also he’s in red again here with his brother. But he’s in dark green at Eva’s the next day, which is in his normal palette of cold colors

“There was a very real possibility you would’ve rejected me or that a mess would have happened.” and that’s it. The possibility of a mess never actually happened in Gio’s view of things, because he never really face much consequences of his cheating on his girlfriend: Laura dumped him, sure, but she made her peace with him, he still goes to her house even; his friends are still his friends and support his new relationship (Marti wanting to break them up is not because of the cheating, is because of his own reasons so it doesn’t count rn), no one really holds a grudge against him, he doesn’t have a bad reputation, he doesn’t feel insecure at all, actually going from girl to girl like that probably boosted his self esteemed and raised the opinion his friends have of him

and while with Canegallo Eva didn’t actually kiss him first, so at least she had that; with Gio she did, she kissed him first, so she probably feels like she deserved all the shit that happened to her

and really, these kids waiting for signs from the universe through playlists on shuffle, who do they think they are, Romeo and Juliet? (They probably do.) (They should have seen the break up coming then, though, cause Romeo and Juliet don’t really have a “ and they lived happily ever after”)

and finally Eva lies it all out on the table for him, all the thing he never fully understood she had to go through because of him, of them

and maybe this hurt him, but as Eva says, she’s been hurting for a whole year and he never got that, he never hurt, he never tried to really understand and support her, he was just same old Gio and a good boyfriend by his own standards, but I doubt he ever stopped to ask Eva what she really needed (and like, it’s fine. He is 16 years old, he’ a kid, he’s allowed to make mistakes, but he needs to be put face to face with them to see them and grow, and I love him so much anyways, he’s my favorite always)

on a less profound note, those shoes. They really look like a perfect Tumblr aesthetic pic when they hug and their feet are close, the Eva gets on her tiptoes

and I’d kind of forgotten how they show of the sex scene? again, like I said in ep.2, 7.6 Due ore and the red room scene in 8.5 Tu non sei di Milano are perfect and I love them and I wouldn’t change a thing, but it objectively true Evanni sex scenes are more “graphic” than Nicotino sex scenes

confirmed that staring contests are Evanni’s version of post sex-cuddles

Maria Sorgato is back! Look at her being a queen and rocking that black Gucci-esque top and playing MC

oh, God, Canegallo sounds like one of the guys who run the rides at local fairs and hypes up 13-year-olds to take those 5-for-the-price-of-4 deals on ride tickets

now, I’m Italian, I went to 4 end of the year parties during my 5 years of high school and we never, not once, did something so cheesy as this, nor did a 1995 song ever play at such a party, nor any Renato Zero song, and definitely not “I migliori anni della nostra vita” (which I’ve read someone call “somewhat of a hymn for Italian teenagers” and I was like W H A T? Where? When?) so I can say for sure this is terrible representation of Italian culture, but a cute-ish scene on its own

Alice waving to Eva, awww 💕

Gio waving to Eva, double awww 💕 + bonus Elia and Peccio hugging like there’s no tomorrow next to Gio 💕

Eva lately doesn’t have much time or patience for niceties with Marti, she goes straight to the point

woah, such enthusiasm from Marti at the news Eva is finally single!

awww but it’s because he’s a good friend, he’s worried about how she feels, if she’s hurting! (Ok this is me being bitter, he actually is a cutie about this)

what is Marti looking at when Ele is checking her phone? What draws him to the bar as fast as possible? Gio??

YASSS for surprise hugs and amends! Good for you Laura, you’re looking like a nicer person already without all those grudges

oh, Silvia’s dress is so cute, except why does it fit so poorly? The neckline is all skewed and the armhole gapes! It’s her Revenge dress™! She’s been planning her look for 3 weeks! It should be tailored for the gods!

on the other hand, look at Silvia walking out of the woods, both the real-but-fake ones that are part of the decor and the metaphorical ones of the last few months

and in fact, look, they make light of the incident at Alice’s friends party!

except then the monsters of months past (Edo) come visit and start looming over Silvia

Edoardo jumping over that fence thing to go talk to Silvia is 100% Olio Cuore romance novel clichè

Silvia actually takes a few step backwards as he get closer to talk to her, she’s honest to God scared of what he wants to tell her, she fully expects him to be there to make fun and humiliate her again

and then he kisses her on the cheek! Why? Dude, I went off William og in my previous discussions of your behaviour towards Silvia and that means you don’t want Silvia around you because she’s too clingy and you don’t want her to believe you have feelings for her: why kiss her on the cheek then? You apologized, you were nice, you could have just said “See you around at school next year” and be done with it, leave her without any delusions; instead you went for the one act that might give her hope she has some of your affection. Why? Is is your inner Harlequin hero taking control of your body? Is it just that you secretly enjoy having a harem of girls pining for you? (oh, soz, you do enjoy that, I’d forgotten)

look how excited Silvia is! She was expecting the worst and she got almost the best instead! Of course she’s enamoured with Edo all over again, he’s not even a monster anymore!

at least he says bye to Eva too

this party has been pretty amazing for Eva up till now, whereas it must have been so fucking stressful for poor Ele?! She has to manage Edoardo, both making sure he fulfills his promise and keeping him at bay re: their date, she has to find fricking Silvia and on top of that she finds gay porn on Marti’s phone

btw, how did that happen? Ok it’s in his favorites, but you don’t exactly see browser favorites from the phone app 🤔 girl you wanna tell me something? Were you planning some nasty surprise for him cause Eva told you he was the one who triggered the fight, the school-wide rumors, the whole mess with Gio? (Look at Ele hitting back for her girl, cause sure she’s into Eva but she also just wants her to be happy and Marti made her definitely not happy 😡 also Evanora always on my mind)

and then 30 seconds straight (lol) of Eva being baffled and confused and just generally shook

Bechdel test: this episode passes the test! The conversations that make it pass are the two conversations at Eva’s house in the morning, despite a brief mention of her dad and the almost-ever present ghost of Edoardo over Silvia, and the conversation at the free clinic with the doctor.

Thank you so much for sticking with me through this!

This post is part of my complete series of meta about Skam Italia season 1. If you’d like to read more of my thoughts about the other episodes, you can find the mastepost linked in the top bar on my blog under SKAMIT: EVA. Cheers!

#skam italia #eva brighi #skamit s1 #skamit meta #giovanni garau #martino rametta #silvia mirabella #eleonora sava #sana allagui #elia santini #federica cacciotti #edoardo incanti #federico canegallo #alice (skam italia)#skamit #a. writes #1x11 una scelta stupida

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pebblysand · 3 years

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Oh and also, I recently learnt the word “foreshadowing” (English is not my first language) and I feel like you do that a lot and it’s brilliant cause it’s like a cliffhanger but in the middle of a story so its really catching

I'll answer both your messages on this one because your first one was the sweeeeeeetest message ever but when people send me lovely signed asks, I never know if they're okay with me answering them publicly or if it's a just-for-me kind of thing. Anyway, thank you soooo much, that's just the nicest thing in the world.

Now, re: your thoughts on Amycus/Ginny (ugh, I'm throwing up in my mouth a bit there) being canon, here's the thing. Personally, I see some sort of assault as canon. I go more into depth regarding this in the extended a/n for that chapter (sorry for not linking it here but I'm already terribly late for dinner) but my line of thinking basically is: sexual violence against women is and has always been a weapon of war in our society, and I don't see why the wizarding world would be different. Ginny, due to her position both within the DA and as Harry's ex girlfriend would have been a prime target for it, and saying that it didn't happen is imo, unrealistic. On a wider spectrum, I've heard different arguments (see the comments on castles itself) on whether or not this is "canon"/intended by JKR, my generic answer to this is that JKR was writing a book for children and so that is not really the question. Castles is an adult take on the post-war world and so i can go places she clearly couldn't.

Now, regarding the way the sexual violence happens in castles itself is anyone's guess. It could just have been a single instance of rape, it could have been sexual assault by one of the slytherins, it could have been anything. I wrote it the way I did because as a writer, I find the concept of choice and the way our decisions shape the people we are fascinating and I wanted to explore the question of consent, which is why the specific way it happens in castles lives in this sort of grey area. I think it's rape, I'm not sure Ginny does (at least maybe not yet). I like that duality.

So, tbh, I'm not sure what to tell you. I can tell you what I believe but I can't tell you what to do haha.

Re: your foreshadowing comment (english is also not my first language, btw) yes - 100%. I'm glad you like it. I have one person to credit for this, whom you can find as orbythesea on ao3. She was my beta for a few years when I was younger, is probably one of the best writers I've ever known and basically taught me everything I know lol. One of those things she taught me is that (and I'm paraphrasing her brilliance, here) time is only a continuum in reality, not in fiction. In fiction, you are the master of time. You have a handful of tenses to play with in English and that factors into the way you tell a story. Not everything has to be on the same plane, and you can actually play with time the same way you play with events or characters. Time is a huge factor into how you tell a story and the first thing that happens in real time doesn't mean it has to be the first thing that happens narratively speaking. This - imo - is probably some of the best advice I've ever received and allows me the freedom, as you say, to foreshadow. :)

Anyway, again, many many thanks for your lovely, lovely messages!

#asks #castles and writing shit

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trb-reacts · 6 years

Text

The Raven Boys, Review

So I just finished reading The Raven Boys and oh boy do i have mixed feelings about it, some mixture of keysmashing adoration and some (opinion-based, non-bashing) criticism. I’ll probably give it a 3.5/5, so if that number offends you already, don’t read the rest of this review.

That being said, if I cited a reason for not liking something (e.g. I thought there was a logic jump or something wasn’t explained but it actually was in the book), and in reality, I just misinterpreted something, you’re welcome to inform me of that. I was in a semi rush to finish it, so I might have missed small details.

[Also, sorry, but this is literally all straight from memory, including the quotes. I’m too lazy to find the exact place and quotes of what I remembered, so if I used quotes for anything, realize it’s not a direct quote, but rather me paraphrasing what I remembered and quoting it to show something along that line was said in the book.]

Last warning: loooong post ahead!

I think very broadly speaking, I did like the book. The problem for me is that it kinda took so long for it to get going. I did the in-depth scene-by-scene reaction for chapter 1 - 14. You guys know (or you can read) about how excited I was to finally have the boys and Blue meet and for everything to start moving.

I don’t think it disappointing when they finally met. Off the top of my head, I can tell you that I liked Adam’s shyness and sweetness when he realized that the palm reader’s daughter is Blue, that Maura and Gansey had a stare off (”Tell me straight off if you don’t want to help me, but don’t tell me lies, don’t give me excuses.” “I don’t want to help you.” Iconic!), that Ronan had a moment of ‘Prove it’ and they showed him (”You know who killed your father”, I think. Also, Calla’s power is cool.). It’s just… it took 15 chapters, ~150 pages for them to finally meet, only for them to depart again like nothing’s going to change.

I felt like it could have really been cut down by some, like Ronan’s backstory, which was cool, or tragic, honestly, but it wasn’t necessary to be introduced waay in the beginning of the book. Honestly, I don’t think it was necessary to have his backstory appear in this book at all. I’m sure this mystery of Ronan’s father’s death would come into play later, but like… I feel like it could have been introduced in the beginning of the second book and it would have been just as well. All we really needed to know was Declan and Ronan has a bad relationship, Ronan’s father died and that those facts explains Ronan’s bad attitude and him not caring about school. The murdering part could first make an appearance at Ronan’s ‘Prove it’ moment at Blue’s, which would make the readers aware (without so much telling too) that although we knew he died, we didn’t know he was killed and also Ronan knows something about it.

Same thing with Whelk. We coulda gotten a dark unknown POV from him and have it later revealed that tada, it was Whelk, the Latin teacher that Ronan thought was a bit shifty and Ganey thought was tragic that he couldn’t befriend him like he did with everyone else. But having everything out in the open, the story 1) dragged and 2) lots of this information, that although mentioned, is pushed to the back of the reader’s mind. I already forgot that Whelk existed halfway through the book and whenever he appeared again, I’m like, yeah, that’s right, and there’s this guy, can’t wait to see how he’ll get involved in the story. And that happened again and again and again.

On the other hand, NOAH!!! I did not see the part with Noah coming, although in retrospect, that makes so much sense. I loved the twist!! I I think I commented somewhere that it seems like people consider the raven boys to be Gansey&Ronan&Adam more than Gansey&Ronan&Adam&Noah and that turned out to be right!! Because they don’t know he exist!! Because he’s a ghost!! Because he’s Czerny!!

Even when they found his skeleton and the car and his license, I thought Blue and Gansey somehow went forward in time and found Noah later dead because of this treasure hunting they’re doing for this long forgotten magical king, so when the final reveal came out (”Noah, you’ve been dead for 7 years”), I was SHOOK. Legit SHOOK, goosebumps and all, and I love it so much. I didn’t see it coming but the hints were there. Noah not eating. Why Noah has so little screen time. Why he made a ‘dead for 7 years joke’ to Ashley. Why he didn’t throw up but retched when he saw the Mustang. It made so much sense, it was GENIUS and I applaud Maggie Stiefvater for this because I honestly didn’t see it coming and I love this twist.

But, I also just… don’t understand how Declan knew Noah and how Ashely ended up meeting him. While Gansey was thinking back and figuring out that Noah was a ghost, Gansey said he didn’t remember ever seeing Noah out of their apartment, never seen Noah eat or remember anyone outside of their immediate friends mentioning Noah. But like… Declan introduced Noah to Ashley when they stopped by to the raven boys place. Is there something special about Declan or… is there any other explanation for why Declan knows about Noah and doesn’t seem to forget?

Also, I love the individuality, the different backstory everyone has, and how they interact with each other. Believe me, I do, but… besides the helicopter scene where the raven boys and Blue met up for the first time (which, btw, wtf Blue. These are essentially strangers. Aglionby boys. I know there’s a destiny to be fulfilled and your fates are linked together and all, but going into a helicopter with three boys and a woman you do not know is a BIG no-no. It’s like getting into three strange guys’ car, except worse because you’re in the air, you can’t escape. Why, Blue, why. They call you sensible. Be sensible!).

Erm, anyway, besides the helicopter scene where the raven boys and Blue met up for the first time, I didn’t really sense, um, them bonding or growing closer? I’ll be honest, I can’t tell you how I would have gone about showing strangers growing closer and becoming friends. Maybe I would have done it the montage way that TRB opted for, with them discovering the mystical raven printed land made of oyster shells and then going, let’s meet up and research together some more! I can imagine them growing closer over those days, but at the same time, i couldn’t really sense it?

The same way I couldn’t really sense what research they’ve done between their first visit and their second, I couldn’t tell how they grew closer. Noah fluffs Blue’s hair afterwards, but besides that… I don’t really sense a change? I think it might have been better if we were given a little more details on how those researches go, show them bickering, show Blue refusing to let Gansey buy her anything and then the boys relenting to eating lots of convenient store stuff. Show Blue and Adam exchanging exasperated commoner looks at Gansey and Ronan’s reaction to eating cheap low quality food, show Noah watching with a half-hidden smile, show the warmth that grows in Blue and Adam’s heart at the adjustments the rest of the raven boys are willing to do for them. Just… a paragraph summarizing what happened during those times are not enough for me. I can imagine, but don’t let me do all the work here. Give me some details and maybe then I can fill in the rest of the blank.

The boys’ reaction to the revelation that it was Blue’s voice on the recorder honestly feels a little underwhelming. I was expecting a little more grilling, but then they were just like, okay, moving on, her voice on the recorder along with Gansey’s, despite she weren’t anywhere near Gansey or the recorder, despite the fact that Gansey never said anything. Blue is the daughter of a psychic, who seems like a real deal. Don’t consider asking Blue why that happened or what that meant, and definitely don’t even ask Blue to inquire Maura about it. Also, Ronan pushed, but it didn’t feel enough and also it didn’t feel like he was pushing about the things that any other person would have pushed the answers for. I do realize that Adam told Ronan to stop, but I feel equally certain that if Ronan really wanted to push, he would have gone behind their backs to find out.

I loved that hallucination-inducing tree. It’s super duper cool, not to mention it showed all of them these visions that I’m deathly curious about how they’re going to end up playing out and of course, their aftermaths.

Adam’s had me most curious, because it speaks of themes like deaths and betrayal. The raven boys are so close and so lovely together that I couldn’t ever imagine it happening, especially the way that Adam saw it in the dream, Gansey on the floor dead or dying, Adam standing above him as his slayer or at least the direct cause of Gansey’s harm, Ronan’s “Are you happy now, Parish, are you satisfied? Is this enough. Is this really what you wanted?” Just… tragedy is the heartbreak that awaits them, and that’s not even counting Ganesy’s death that is foreseen by his spirit being on the corpse road.

I couldn’t imagine Adam like that in the future, couldn’t imagine what would drive him to that point, but I think we caught a glimpse of that future Adam towards the end when he tried to awake the ley line, despite Gansey’s disagreement. That… on one hand, I can see what drove him to that point, the despair, the desperation, when everything that makes you you is crush so ruthlessly beneath someone else’s feet (Adam’s pride, his individuality, and with it, his freedom within this world that constricts him because this world speaks not in humanity or kindness, which Adam has in dozens, but in power and money, which Adam don’t) that not even dust of left of it

On the other hand, I just really didn’t want things to turn out the way they were foreseen to. I sincerely got chills when Adam left to wake the ley line, the moment when it hit Gansey where Adam had gone, and I could literally feel Gansey’s pain when he realized that Adam not only betrayed him so explicitly (”It’s not worth waking Glendower in exchange for someone else’s life”, Gansey said. “We’ll find another way.”), but spat in his face in one last ‘fuck you’ by taking Gansey’s car when Adam could have so easily hotwired Ronan’s instead. There’s so much more I can say about Gansey and Adam’s relationship, but I won’t, not here, since this is honestly supposed to be more of a review and less of an analysis, so check out this separate analysis of Adam leaving his home after reporting the abuse and the dynamic between Adam-Ronan and Adam-Gansey if you’re really interested in how I saw their relationship.

What else? Oh, the Latin speaking trees are cool. The trees are more cultured than me. Also, I really liked Cabeswater and its ‘I will change to whatever the people in it wants.’ One, I love the specificity, Gansey discovering this trait because of the fishes and their not-red belly turned red. Second, the description for when Adam went to wake the ley line and then he was a little spooked by the darkness so he wished there was more light and Cabeswater just responded by drowning the entire forest in light, awash it with pretty fairy golden dust. I love that image so much and Adam’s evident awe.

Aaand now we’re almost there to talk about the end, but before that, I can’t believe I forgot. Gansey’s brush with death!! Via Whelk!! Via his car breaking down!! Via reverse ex-machina.

Like, don’t get me wrong, I was seriously tense when Gansey ended up being at gunpoint by Whelk. That was intense and I was so proud of Gansey boy when he remembered what Ronan taught him and then proceeded to toward all of them out of the proverbial window save the most important, life-saving advice of aiming. And aim Gansey did and that’s how he ended up alive here for me to talk about (tho I can’t speak too soon, let’s be honest. He is still destined to die, was still seen on the corpse road). And then following that, I love the moment when Ronan and Adam contemplated the what-if Gansey wasn’t so lucky and he died. I can really feel that they care in that scene, that both of them would be sincerely lost without Gansey there. But there were just a little too many coincidences for me to suspend my disbelief for that scene.

And then before I forget, because how can I move on to talk about the ending without mentioning this, the Gansey for Noah trade. Did I mention that the first time Gansey mentioned he died once, I legit thought that it was a metaphor? “Wasp squirming him, enclosing his entire body in death” seemed more metaphorical to me than real, yet that happened.

And Noah paid the price.

That was really chilling as they pieced everything together. So, kudos to Maggie Stiefvater again, though… I’m not sure how much this works, mathematically? The world wants Gansey to be alive, and Noah was on the ley line to be sacrificed, so they killed Noah and let Gansey live. But like… Noah was on the ley line to be sacrificed, wasn’t he, was death not his ending even without Gansey encountering death on the other side of the globe and needing Noah to swap him out of it? And yet they acted like Gansey killed Noah with his own two hands, because that was equivalent, the unwitting, unknowing, unwilling exchange.

Also, Noah seemed weirdly chill with it for someone who unwillingly died for someone else (Gansey), and why did he end up in Gansey’s group anyway. Did Noah willingly chose to seek Gansey out knowing this was the boy that he died for? I was also expecting a little more of him and Whelk’s analysis towards the end, after all, Whelk killed Noah and they were friends before, yet… weirdly not much? I do think that was in part because Noah’s bones were moved from the ley line, so he was weaker and stuff, but at the same time, Cabeswater was full of magic, so eh, I don’t see why there wasn’t a bit more.

Anddd, that’s about it? I was really excited to talk about the ending, but then it’s been a while and most of the details escaped me.

Stuff that I remembered that stuck out to me:

what happened to Neeve was just weird, Maura seemed weirdly chill about Neeve’s fate into the unknown for being her half-sister

after all that happened between Adam and the rest of the gang (betrayal, anyone?), it seems to strange that they slotted seamlessly back together like nothing happened and despite the fact that there seems to be a bit of implications that Adam’s not quite human anymore?

the image of the gang digging up Noah’s bones from his grave is so strangely hilarious

the last line of the book: “I pulled Chainsaw out of my dream,” wtf, Ronan, don’t end like that???!!

So yeah, that’s about it. Sorry that this ended up being a bit rushed and incoherent at the end, but I did really wanna finish this post, so here’s what I thought about it. If I seem a little harsh on it, I’m sorry, I think I feel it too. All I can say is that maybe I’m too old to read YA fictions now.

If you have a scene/moment that you wanted me to talk about that I didn’t in this review, feel free to message/ask me about it.

#the raven boys #the raven cycle #review #trc #trb #disclaimer that all of this is opinions!!

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elizabethrobertajones · 6 years

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13x05 watching notes

I’m not used to getting what I want.

Expectations: holy crap am I excited to see Billie again. Yeah yeah Cas or whatever, we know he's back and would be coming back from the moment he died, and all the rest is just flavour text... BILLIE is an utter treat and given A: how she died (not just dead reaper killed off for man pain as a minor thematic antagonist, but also woman of colour on the show which was a bummer and at least she alters their post-death appearances dismal stats even if she isn't back-back as her full and healthy self a la Cas as a worst case scenario >.>) and B: the themes she embodied, and C: that Cas just got punted back OUT of the Empty, well, I am ridiculously pumped to have her (or the image of her >.>) around again, because of the utterly fascinating thematic conundrum she'll represent and because Billie was the most freakin awesome character ever, and Lisa Berry just exudes this raw calm power, and I went and watched Shadowhunters over hiatus 90% because she was on it in like 3 episodes and lo and behold she was a powerhouse in her scenes there too :P

Of course I have a personal stake too and as a meta writer it's not quite so obvious, as a shitposter you might have caught me endlessly referring to it, and as me personally inside my head, I know that I introduced Billie to Terrible Coffee AU to be a side character to the drama, meaning to embroil her in it as a voice of amused-warning-to-later-friend for Cas, and began constructing an entire narrative to explore cosmic consequences in as if post-death the show's Billie had wandered over to my silly AU and was using her extreme disappointment in them all to add another level of irony to the characterisation (listen: imagining what face the canon character would make at their role in your AU is a great way to characterise and people think I'm good at it, so free writing tip :P) and I had to make Billie proud about what I wrought.

I failed to actually write that section in time for this episode, had no idea there WAS an expiry date and that Billie would come back, but here we are and I've accidentally over-thought Billie to an absolutely astronomically disproportionate degree to probably most people around these parts for the sake of having her tease Cas about Dean from the deck of a boat while they were sipping cocktails together. :P

I can and will mentally insert a cocktail into Billie's hand in her scene(s).

OH AND THEN THROW IN THAT THIS IS A YOCKEY EPISODE. Of all the current writers, he's the one who makes me lose my chill completely. He's got an incredible way with character and emotion which I absolutely adore, so I find it pretty hard to worry about all the nervous little things I worry about aside from how much the grand scheme of things will let Billie back. And season 13 seems to be going pretty in my favour as a viewer and meta writer so. Super sublime chill.

Oh boy the recap people are trying to put us out of a job.

Superimposing Dean's speech to Patience over Sam crying over Dean nearly dying in 2x01 and ghost!Dean lurking behind him, which of all the reminders that they die a lot is a... lot of a thing. Because John etc. Season 2 theeemes everywhere. And then of course them getting shot as ghosts in 4x15 aka time to save Tessa. And Dean wasn't having an easier time in that episode, hell-damaged and talking to Tessa about how he wished he'd gone with her. Could just be subtle reaper reminders because the next shot is Sam detoxing demon blood in 4x21, nudging us into new territory for Jack theeemes. But that's part of the "pain" in his speech, "horror" is Dean hilariously dying in 3x11 when hit by a car, which, well, wasn't hilarious at all for Sam or the rest of that episode for us once the dying montage was over, and just reminds us how much they're dicked around with by the universe... And then "Death." Over. Death's hand.

Look, I am a simple person with simple wants. I would have been satisfied to just have this about Billie but now you're making me want to see DEATH again and see what the heck happened with him. I mean I've always sort of wanted to see him back again because if Billie would be pissed at them... :P But I could accept she was his stand in from now on. That she WAS the new Death all along, even, for our wild spec. Now I am MADLY excited about how they're going to utilise all this stuff because oh hi have you met me the reapers and death stuff is my absolute favourite stuff on the show. I was always hoping this wasn't going to be a cop out with the tasty sounding title, and it seems like they want us to really be on the ball about the themes here, to whatever end.

(Just having paused it to squeal here, it could be a fake out about Death because the first shot of him in his killer intro montage was his hand with his ring because in season 5 that was the cue we needed to know that was the ring we needed and that Death was who he was supposed to be... Logic dictates the ring crumbled in 10x23 but if they wanted to invoke Death without bringing Julian back...)

Weeeeeeeehheeheheheheeee Death's "affront to the balance of the universe" speech in 6x11 where he was resentfully giving Sam's soul back on one condition... The same thing Billie was pissed about in 11x02 onwards. Is he here to cover for her reappearance and make this seem like it's all just a big cosmic theme? Because something tells me this episode is about their deaths somehow or another, either temporary, threatened, or big picture :P

Or it's confirming that Billie is Death, there's always that because the next transition is Dean killing Death to Billie LITERALLY CONTINUING DEATH'S SENTENCE FROM 6x11 - "you cause disruption on a global scale -- so next time you die and your brother bite it, we're going to toss you out into the Empty."

"And *nothing* comes back from that" *stab*

Leaving it there with Cas - no cutting to him back alive in the bramble patch. Instead the last note, the only one ABOUT the Winchesters in season 13 aside from Dean's 13x03 speech being used - is Dean saying Sam needs to keep the faith for him, which was the comment only answered in dramatic irony by Cas's return. No comment on the dominoes of Cas stabbing Billie, getting stabbed himself, going to the Empty, and coming back from that. No comment on the deal. This is all stuff we're either meant to know already or isn't strictly relevant right now... But we'll see :P

Sort of scared to play the cold open because eye horror in the promo pics and I don't wanna see the doctor drill some random person of the week through the eyeball :P

Oh no, it's kids. I think they're still alive because of the promo where they refer to talking to some kids. Or one of them with the implication both made it out the house although I assume their time is numbered regardless.

They're visiting a house which used to be a mental health clinic, which has weird overlap to last episode and the fact the guys went to a fully functioning house with a modern day therapist in it. Mel pointed out the Asylum direct visual reference in one of the props we see in the fast promo so I suppose that's a good season 1 reference to keep in the back of your head.

The floppy haired kid with the backpack (aka the Jack mirror?) is more uncertain about doing this but encouraged by his friend to go along with it. His friend is a dick.

I hope someone's had a good look at the stained glass window because I can't tell if we've seen it before or not. This may or may not be set re-use >.>

You can tell the boys apart because one is half battery (the dick) and one has full battery still (our sympathetic guy)

Don't touch the plague masks!!!!

Literally that was your entire fault and at least the one we were rooting for legged it with a minor wound. I think even some other ghosts were yelling at them for waking up the doctor (I HOPE that's not a parallel to The Empty and Cas waking him up)

But yet... sam and dean seem to have visited both? Was it only "minor" brain drilling and the other kid comes back home slightly altered? Mel also made promo shot comparisons to Naomi and her drilling... Brrrr.

Anyway Dean is making himself PB&J so I don't have time for you all. Ouch.

Did Sam literally just compliment Dean for making himself a sandwich?

is it a recovery sandwich?

I get the feeling if we're seeing this and the promo was a lil later on and some investigating further into the episode then maybe we're basically seeing Dean's breaking point for being babied through his grief by Sam's attempts to cheer him up.

Makes you wonder why they picked that instead of this, but this could be a relatively dull opener and Sam trying to talk Dean into going to a strip club was too funny to resist, because it kind of was :P

Sam has been on screen 6 seconds and he's annoyingly peppy

I love Sam btw, like, you are not allowed to judge me for how I may talk about Sam in the coming stretch of episode because I get the sense he's in full on cheer up mode, which turns anyone into the most irritating person on the planet and then you throw in Sam's eyebrows and basically I can't with him :P It's not a judgement on his character, I know he's trying to help Dean because of what Dean told him, but Dean just wants to operate a shell of himself for a while and Sam's trying to dig him out of it because it's painful to see him like that and he doesn't know that Cas is reconnecting with them soon, and if not today then next week and also probably by the second half of the season Mary will be back with them.

Anyway Dean just carries on stoically making his sandwich and we all talk a lot about the symbolism... I think in this context perhaps it's loosely linked to Kevin operating as a ghost out of this kitchen after dying halfway through his PB&J and coming back for the crusts as unfinished business. He was mourning his mom while he was alive but then it turned out she was alive but too late he was dead.

The PB&J is also symbolic of humanity so idk. He could just be making it because it's sweet and he has a sweet tooth, it's vaguely reminiscent of pie filling but not enough to be traumatic and it's Dean's "I'm doing 1 good thing for myself today" personal quiet method of getting better in the long slow aftermath that Sam wants to rush.

"GET THIS" Sam is on full on Sam-ing

Awww Jack's watching DVDs. I assume Sam HAVING a stash of DVDs is stuff he's collected as an adult with a Bunker to go on a nostalgia kick. I assume they have a PO Box pretty much for Sam's Amazon deliveries. Like, he hasn't been lugging DVDs around with him since the start of the show and before that they had a bunch of VHS tapes in the back of the car or something :P They grew up dependant on what was on motel TVs and picked what they liked to come back to as adults with a settled address.

Also: the clouds part and bestow on us: a thing Sam likes!!!! That's like at least 4 songs, a couple of movies including Star Wars stuff, HP Lovecraft, and now liking old bad fantasy movies that even Dean judges him for.

Or, I assume, Dean has watched and may or may not reference if the opportunity came up but he needs to box something off as Sam's weird nerd shit that makes him unappealing to the ladies, while Dean, obviously, has never liked anything nerdy, and has had lots of straight edge manly sex with women and all comments about Zorro masks are stricken from the record.

Sam, being in a magnanimous, my brother is grieving, mood, just literally takes the hit and keeps going. Jesus Christ Sammy.

I would swear he's worn his worst plaid today just to give Dean something else to judge him for :P

Oh uh anyway point is Jack is being stashed in the Bunker just like Sam once stashed Cas with his netflix. Sam's being responsible for the pop culture education of 2 generations. At least Netflix lets you pick whatever you want once Sam's not trying to be helpful, and in 11x06 Dean related to Cas to switching to bad TV, rather than watching Sam's picks of the good stuff you're meant to watch.

Less chance of Jack going on a complete rampage through trash TV, but still if nothing else Dean's hands-off approach to the kid means that Sam is being allowed to mould him however he likes :P

I just went back and watched again just because I realised the credits were ALREADY over after 5 names. It was like, J2, Misha (yay!) and 2 people I hadn't heard of who I assume are too important named characters in this episode to skip but also not reoccurring characters. I wonder what the slippery slope is when you don't put Lisa Berry's name in the credits of an episode you've advertised she's in. Even people who've checked on TV guides will know... But I guess you treat the episode as internally self-spoiling and ignore what everyone knows for the sake of the person who buys the DVDs and watches through without even reading the descriptions in the sleeve or whatever. Anyway glad she wasn't spoiled but it does make me like *itchy teeth* about Death being in the recap, because naaah. Naaaaaaah. NAAAAAAAH. they wouldn't. they're not. it isn't. She's making like, a hallucinatory cameo for theeeemes and I got to stick with that until the episode proves me wrong, never mind bringing Death back :P

As a fan of Death and the reapers (probably already a band name) I'm like... so on edge right now :P

Oh wait also Dean said "what about Jack" - he's using his name even to Sam now. Not teasing him about the anti-christ

Ya know, based on how beer for breakfast (name of my band) went over and letting Dean be Agent Page (oh the promo is so the breaking point - Dean already is calling him out on all this IN THE TEXT, using his words to point out the weirdness) I am actually thinking that Dean would have actually quite liked to go on another job with Jack. That he was starting to see the use of him and to warm up to him ever so slightly as a person since he showed effort and did a good job and saved Sam and dug the graves for them. I don't think Dean would ASK out loud but if Sam had said, "Jack comes and that's final" Dean would have done that face shrug expression and let it happen without much complaint.

Sam is bending to Dean's apparent desires and being like, well Dean doesn't like Jack, this could be a chance to get Dean out of the bunker without Jack and let him forget all his troubles for a bit...

Like, I don't wanna worry you Sam, but last time you decided you needed to cheer Dean up from his extra super special worries about Cas, you took him out into the woods for a fun werewolf hunt, got shot and strangled and had to kill literally every single werewolf in the episode with your bare hands while bleeding profusely from your stomach, while Dean had a random encounter with Billie in the depths of utter despair that he'd lost everyone he ever loved and the world was now going to end without you all.

Dean's a drama queen about a lot of stuff but when he tells Jack your plans don't usually work out, this is the sort of shit he's referring to :P

*Sam looks so freakin smug with himself walking off after the badge exchange and Dean's like... what. What?*

Poor kid with his great big bandage on his forehead.

He "can't even talk" because the trauma was so bad and we cut to him apparently drawing in his room, which makes me think right back to 1x03.

Omg lol of course Dean walks in the door alone to chat to him. And sees him drawing repeatedly the MotW. We bonding over trauma so bad we can't even talk about it again?

OH there's 3 boys. Shaun/Sean (I'm gonna pick Shaun because this is America and I assume you all don't spell stuff proper - FYI to Americans reading this, please remember to read this all in a shrill British accent, what what) and Evan who was presumably the one who died in the cold open, and Mike is the third, who they're inseparable from but was NOT there in the house with them that night, and by nightfall at the promo scene they had not spoke to him yet.

What a frikkin rug pull though, to have 2 boys in the open, so you think they're a duo of best friends, and it's like NO WAIT THEY COME IN THREES... Bahahahaha

Dean back upstairs with Shaun, and he's sat down to talk to him with a "you know" and at this point I am pausing and getting a stuffed toy because he's either gonna open up to a kid who won't squeal about it because he can’t talk, or say something completely awful because he's in an awful place and either way I don't need Emotional Honesty Hour from Dean Winchester at 9:30 in the morning without a friend :P

On no, Dean talking about knowing what it's like to be scared of monsters, but then trying to reassure the kid that he can at least make it go away PHYSICALLY even if the horrific psychological trauma can't be erased. Comforting!!

Promo sceeene!

Which we already picked over but aw yeah so Shaun didn't tell Dean anything after all, except for the plague doctor drawings (and he didn't show he had the mask with him? Really?? Did he drop it earlier?) so Dean really did just open up to the kid about understanding his pain but being the thing monsters are scared of... A better Dean pep talk than Patience got at least, since Shaun was a regular victim and Patience might have been angling to join the life... and it mostly just served to make him say that :P

Since I've been barrelling through all the Wayward Sisters old episodes this month, I am reminded that I spent a good long while wallowing in Yockey vs Sam knowing Dean's porn habits and outing them to Jody in 12x06...

I think Sam trying to make the sacrifice to go to a strip club with Dean (and I can't believe this is the third time I'm putting myself through watching this exchange because omg second hand awfulness and yet I went back and watched it twice it was so good) probably fits under this characterisation umbrella.

Of Sam vs performing Dean, as much as the callbacks to season 1 and Dean vs Sam's Jess grief that I was talking about last night thanks to an anon nudge. And parallels to 12x16 and their chat about the swimming pool outside a similar hotel set (although this one is infinitely lower rate :P) - the writers playing with the knowledge that Sam and Dean have grown up completely latched onto each other like this and Sam's been dragged to strip clubs by Dean almost certainly and they just kinda know more than they want to about the other's personal habits, and they have low, bad boundaries. 12x16 was asserting some back, letting them have separate rooms, and showing Sam grossed out by the thought of Dean skinny dipping which, I mean, fair (if you're Sam anyway :P) but they don't really GET those boundaries.

So there's some re-poking season 12 specific themes here as well, just in that Sam, who has historically had his own walls up about Dean's porn and interest in strip clubs (because they're extremely not his thing) is willing to cross a line for Dean and just go with Dean to a strip club and buy him a lap dance from a place with a decent online review. Which also shows low bad boundaries that he would try and manipulate Dean back to happiness this way, just like in 1x19 especially, Sam had to angrily re-assert his boundaries about Dean constantly trying to set him up with Sarah, and Dean had to point out he has a stake in Sam's sex life too, even if it's just having to put up with Sam being cranky and miserable. Historically, Sam having to put up with Dean's sex life is considerably more on the "ugh, TMI" range for him :P

... sorry, yelling "promo scene!!" usually means I stop analysing for a moment and just watch, because I already went over this ground last night, but I guess there's more untapped depths :P

Holy shit, though in the reaction shots for Dean after talking about the Clam Diver, he's standing with his back to some stuff that on my screen makes a beautiful bi flag. What the hell. I was thinking how colourful the backdrop was last night but...

I mean that's the blurry background to his close ups on this.

I THINK it's just the road lit up behind him but oh gosh getting it in the background of the shot for THIS conversation about the Clam Diver? GUYS what are you DOING.

Who directed this??

I overshot and landed on "how you ever got laid" "heh, tell me about it" I can't BELIEVE, STILL that Sam just gave him that win. For some reason it reminds me of Swap Meat where he judges Gary for being a virgin based on the Star Wars stuff, even though Sam is an established Star Wars nerd of more than the general audience variety, and mostly likely read the old tie in novels :P Sam owning that his nerdy interests as a teen didn't exactly make him very sexy is probably the most frank thing he's ever admitted to Dean and he's just trying to help Dean.

(Tbh, again, it may have helped Dean more if Sam just reacted all prickly and got wound up, which is generally what someone teasing wants - a reaction, not rolling over and showing your tummy. Anyway more on the pile of Yockey probing their sex lives in relation to how they see each other, with Sam letting Dean be the one with the more manly sexy interests and letting the performing Dean layer that all comes from win, and then trying to pander to it some more by looking up places to make Dean feel even more manly and in control)

And holy crap I'm glad I have no yoga today because Yockey's got me talking in loops and I've been back to this conversation in the kitchen 3 times and it's nearly 10am and I've made such bad progress. Mental contortions instead :P

Ooooh directed by John Showalter. I'm pretty sure he's been around for aaaages and contributed more than his fair share of nonsense... :P

I just looked him up on the superwiki, saw he directed the episode with HP Lovecraft (and that ridiculous "I was busy having sex with women" or whatever line about Dean not reading the novels) and basically I am gonna hit the brakes on this thought and just watch the episode or I'm going down a rabbit hole I don't come back from until 11am :P

Oh but the thing I was trying to confirm was... Not that I knew I was looking for it except in the most abstract sense that I was thinking of it in one hand and thinking maybe there was something by this director in the other without realising it was the same hand... the blue & red light falling on Dean in 10x16 which looks an awful lot like the bi flag and shortly preceded Dean confessing all that delicious confessional stuff?

Yeah guess which director according to Superwiki.

Now i'm done.

I want to know what metric The Clam Diver got "four and a half" of on whatever site Sam was reading about it.

That's in Sam's browser history.

"Is it my birthday? Did I win a bet that I don't know about??"

"I'm just trying to be nice."

"W h y."

"Because..... you know why."

"I'm f i n e."

Sam, back off, he's gonna stab you :P

I got to ask... is the automatic door not working an improv because the door broke, or thematically relevant, because that's the sort of random thematically relevant detail I could have a nerdgasm about for absolutely hours of typing while Sam is harassing Dean into the building talking about him not believing in anything. The higher powers aren't doing shit for Dean even when he waves at where he thinks the sensor should be, so he gives up and just opens the damn door himself.

The door has a sticker that says, quite clearly, "warning automatic door" and at the very least for the shortsighted is a great big yellow warning sticker on it, so I'm gonna have to go that they're signposting that it's supposed to open, so this is something either scripted or added with full intent to metaphor and my brain hurts.

Sam is trying to understand this massive great big VOID of misunderstanding and it's... frankly awful. He's babbling about his understanding about Dean and his confusion

"You're not, Dean. you said you don't believe in anything, and that's not true! you-you-you do believe in things, you believe in people, that's who you *are*, that's what you DO. I know you're in a dark place and I just want to *help*"

This is telling us a lot more about how Sam sees Dean than Dean's faith arc. Of course Dean believes in people and saving people and that the planet is worth saving. That's a baseline assumption around here. Dean and *faith* though, in believing in things, in how the universe treats them... it doesn't even open automatic doors for them. Cas is DEAD. Cas is where Dean's belief arc centred in the last minute of 4x01 and Cas is where it has freakin' remained for the next 9 years. Cas lost faith in God and Dean chucked away the amulet because he lost faith in everything - Cas and Sam and himself and their ability to save the world that didn’t want to be saved. Cas became God and Dean lost all hope he may have had left. Cas came BACK to Dean and his faith was restored but in THEM. GOD came back and Dean and Cas had similar and unchanging positions on it right down to Chuck basically telling Dean not to confuse him with his own father, but the ridiculous superimposing over John over Chuck and Chuck as Cas's failed father who Cas now just ignores outright and Dean lashes out on his behalf because he knows Cas doesn't believe. That Chuck broke Cas back in 5x16 and... Yeah. Cas is gone now and what does Dean even have left in his personal faith? Chuck didn't answer, the automatic door won't open even when he waves at it...

Sam sees Dean as having no faith in God (while Sam has had the much more complicated journey there with his personal faith, and feeling it in a religious way) but instead he tries to get a read on Dean's personal compass, and god dammit Yockey *takes a shot* in Wendigo of course Dean sits down with Sam and tells him HIS personal philosophy on why he does what he does: saving people, hunting things, the family business. The thing is, Dean has already in this episode reached out to Shaun and described himself and Sam as the people who know about the monsters, the ones who can't erase the trauma but they can erase the monster, and help what little they can there... Save *other people* from it - yeah it's a message full of regret and defeat that Shaun already got hurt and that's probably why Dean couldn't get him to open up because he didn't come in bubbling with wide-eyed optimism about saving the day, but heavy eyes that had seen this too much. But oh does he still care about the people, and saving them. He just doesn’t trust what HE can do, what they can do against the tide of awful. It's not in his speech to Patience, because it's not the motivation to be a superhero any more - he is just a guy doing a job. And he's lost his heart in many ways. But he will still fight to protect and help people because baseline, Sam is right, that IS Dean and even damaged like this he'll go on hunts and protect people. Take Jack into the Bunker with them in 13x01 expecting it to be a self-destruct thing where base case scenario they can take Jack out with them or something and contain the blast...

But yeah. 13x04 expressly ended linking Dean's lack of faith, via dramatic cast-iron irony, to Cas coming back as Dean voices what losing Cas has done to him.

And then Dean gets to say his bit -

"We've been down this road before, and I've fought my way back and I'll fight my way back again" which HONESTLY echoes Cas in the Empty telling his depression to stuff it and that he'll fight and fight for eternity if he has to.

Dean is trying to get better, he made himself a PB&J, he's just taking this all at his own pace, and Sam's starting to smother him.

"How?"

"Same way I always do: bullets, bacon and booze." Dean regrets his no bumper sticker policy because that and the "whole bottle of Jack" comment from last episode are both iconic Dean talking about his coping methods out loud way.

Also throws back to 10x11 and how Dean did that list of 3 things which he was getting back to when he lost the Mark and left a blank space which should have been "babes" or something and just put more booze into it. The swap of sex for food happens a LOT with Dean. For some reason the Dean vs cake explanation I wrote recently was floating around tumblr again last night, in which the middle of season 10 conveyed clearly that cake was stuff Dean hadn't tried yet (and 10x16's confession tied it all together - we're really delving deep into the stuff that was explored back then and I've thankfully been in fandom for so have the language down really well but I hope I don't have to explain this entire complicated web over and over later :P) and pie was coping methods heterosexual sex with women - tying what Dean wanted in 10x07 in the hook up he didn't get, to pie in 10x13 via that gross dating app... All this with the cake, croissookies, and that comment in 10x11 where Dean was trying to detox and eating egg white omlettes (hi 12x18) and cutting out booze.

And, of course, there's the whole bacon = bisexual experimentation thing from 8x13, 9x13, 11x21, and I guess now :P Cass had a much more thorough bacon masterpost somewhere out there which I may have to dig out and reblog with a knowing look...

And Dean slams his hand down on the bell to punctuate this statement and hopefully bring an end to the conversation by summoning a hotel receptionist.

Cue screaming kid having nightmares about what he's seen.

His mom kisses him on his forehead where the doctor drilled him, and leaves the door open so she can be concerned about him.

Oh no, his backpack DOES have the mask in it. Dr Monsterface used it to get to him :<

(Oh wait hi yes that thing Jody said about the Dr Sexy leviathan in 7x02 is still fresh in my mind. Leviathans as a depression metaphor in a way The Empty rapidly escalated.)

I saw/maybe reblogged a post about how Jack might have Kelly used against him and 13x04 was the nice version, but he's going around carrying his grief about her in a backpack. We have to hope like hell Mia gave him catharsis enough or he might carry that grief with him and things can use her image to get into his head.

(That and the 2x "shoot him!" order about Dean from Miriam and Buddy to the sheriff and Mia, 2 people who wanted to help, are causing foreshadowing concerns)

I love the cuts between the doctor coming for Shaun, though - the bell ending one conversation to Shaun waking up screaming, and then he gets up and pretty much goes to confront the doctor head on rather than cower - but cut to an empty bed.

Dean's empty bed, but he seems to have left the keys?

Ah, he went and had some, uh, catharsis somewhere. I swear to god those are probably the sunglasses from 1x19 dug up again and stuck on his head just to haunt Sam.

The fact his tie is tied around his head makes me feel like he was probably blindfolded at some point in all that... Hehehe. I doubt his tie is tied so nicely around his head with a pretty bow because he did it to look cool :P It would just be the same knot but on his head in that way.

Sam's like "oh great" but doesn't kick Dean awake? Like on a normal day when dumping a glass of water on his face and telling him to suck it up would be the correct thing, Sam's like, "Sam's got this!" goes and gets dressed, takes the keys, and leaves Dean passed out on the floor. In 1x19 he hit the horn to wake Dean up because serves you right.

(if he only went to a strip club he may have just made off with someone's underwear thrown on him for being a good tipper rather than actually having sex with anyone... I kinda doubt if he was THAT drunk he'd be more than a very generous customer they don't mind kicking him out at closing with a bra still on his head :P)

(I'm gonna assume Dean did not actually have sex but just went out and had some very drunk miserable fun and made a friend last night and now he's gonna be dependant on Sam for cash for a while until he can scrounge some back up :P)

Also, um, what is he holding when he rolls over? Is that a fun kinky times toy whip? Exactly what sort of place did he find last night, and please, for the love of god, tell me it was not the place Sam was diligently reading the reviews for between his fingers yesterday, apparently.

Listen say whatever you want about the fact he walked home holding it, if that boy had his tie tied around his eyes he was not the one holding it while he was having fun :P

I like Mike. He's a burly farm worker hefting hay outdoors in the sun, which makes him like 3 different directions of Cas parallel (the strong one in the dynamic, sun, hay), and also he was sensible enough not to be running around in a haunted house for youtube hits.

...

Look, at some point Cas hefted a bunch of hay out of the back of his truck and onto the side of the road and that happened in canon and no one ever mentioned it

thank you Yockey for acknowledging off-screen hay hefting.

Aw no he's lying because he's scared and Sam makes him tell the truth and it's that he WAS scared and he thinks not going to the house was cowardly, but now his friends are missing and hurt (so far as they know because Shaun getting killed overnight might not have made it to them yet)... He does tell the truth in the end. He's also in DEEP denial about their deaths.

Is that enough bacon, Dean.

No, no it is not.

Sam, you're gonna kill him if you give him more beer right now. Is he smuggling local ales to Dean?

I don't think I can actually watch Dean eat this entire pile of bacon with Dean's bad mood eating habits. This pause is just to procrastinate dealing with that.

Wait also the friend is called "Mike" which, uh... Michael? is a thing we should be more worried about? What happened to that guy anyway?

Man, we're 16 minutes in and where's Billie?

I feel like Dean being hung over for the rest of this case is probably not going to help with him getting caught and threatened with a drill by a regular old ghostie.

I'm snooping Sam's tablet before he delivers the cliff notes exposition, and aside from the creepy images at the top, including an old school newspaper article in the top image results that is illegibly small, but seems to have photos of the doc alive, the first and only legible article mentions a woman with depression who goes to the doc because she had depression because her son drowned... Which makes 2 son drowning deaths in 2 episodes, with the kid in 13x04 who killed his mom in the car. Also reminds me of 7x14 where when Dean confronts the guy behind all the nightmares, it's because his little brother drowned in the sea and he could never let go of that guilt.

I think drowning is the metaphor for depression here - people losing a part of themselves metaphoric to small son, who is overwhelmed in the water... Dean related to that loss and used it against the Plucky's guy, and that was in the slight turn around section of season 7 - the part where he began confronting the loss of Cas through mirrors because of course Cas was coming back. In season 13 the plan has been set in stone and can be done briefly and with HEAVY dramatic irony that we're all aware of because we only actually have 1 episode without Cas so far, even if 1 was his death and one was his waking up, he's surrounding Dean's grief in a layer of dramatic irony. Dean may be overwhelmed and drowning. We may have SEEN the memory of Cas drowning in the Empty, but it's all done with dramatic irony, that Cas is not lost to Dean but presumably finding his way back.

Dean had better not puke at the grieving mother's house after all that bacon and beer for breakfast after a hard night out.

I love the cut between Sam asking what happened in one scene and the woman saying "I don't know" in the next - there's some good thematic transitions I've noticed already, especially this way of skipping exposition here, but I liked Dean ringing the bell for the hotel and Shaun waking up screaming, because Dean was about to go out on his grief metaphor night out and for all I know get the sexy kind of drilled while Shaun was getting the unsexy kind... and then the cut to Dean's empty bed, because this is how bad his grief was hurting him.

(Also after Sam tried to control and placate Dean's grief, he resisted Sam's attempts to smother him but he still has been accepting the offers, and did eventually go out and get wasted and Sam had encouraged it - just Dean did it on his terms and without Sam, just his tacit approval that Sam wouldn't bitch about it.)

ALSO WOW AFTER 13 YEARS YOCKEY FINDS A WAY TO SUBTLY WORK IN THE COLD SPOTS FOR GHOSTS.

LOOK HOW INTELLIGENT THAT MAKES OUR BOYS LOOK WHEN THEY READ THE SUBTEXT OF A SCENE FROM A SURFACE READ OF SOMEONE WHO DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT GHOSTS BUT IDENTIFIED THE SIGNS AND THE PEOPLE WHO KNEW WHAT TO LOOK FOR COULD UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS HAPPENING WITHOUT HER SAYING IT AND NOW THEY KNOW EVERYTHING JUST FROM INFERRING IT

WOW

Night time and they go to the house and we're at 18 minutes in. I mean we have time for a jump scare, some bad shit to happen, and then the ad break before pt.2 of the episode.

Buzz buzz

"What's up, doc?"

*ad break*

*back to Dean getting drilled*

Sam saves him and on with pt.2 of the episode.

All the masks are back in place.

Oops, don't touch the masks. *horrible screaming from elsewhere in the house*

Well, except to burn them. Sensible to stay in the room, defend their turf, and get to the burning asap instead of poking around or investigating the screaming any more. 13 years and they have learned a fair amount about ghosts and I am admiring how competent they are. Sam especially has the lead here, probs because Dean is off his game by an enormous degree to him.

Ahahah and Sam did a round circle at the door so we see the doc get partway through the door, realise there's salt, and have to awkwardly back out of it to have a second go and honestly that is the funniest shit a ghost has ever done on this show even though it's also terrifying :P

*burn burn burn*

So rescue Shaun?

What can possibly happen next with nearly 20 minutes left

LIGHTS BLOWING DOWN A HALLL

Now they dealt with the advertised ghost I'm just waiting for Billie to show up, because they're about to be mobbed by a ton of ghosts and she can save their asses, or else... well idk I have to watch, but I'm just laughing because of lights blowing down a hall - 3 times already this season, for Jack, for Patience at least with them flickering rather than exploding like this...

These are all the whispers about the doctor which we heard in the cold open

I love the Winchesters running around shouting sensible ideas about what the ghosts are doing though.

Is this going to be Dean's torch everything solution?

YIKES, no, it's 4x15/11x17. BAD IDEA, DEAN. i can't believe he even carries a pre-prepared take me to the veil kit. Like, that's the reckless nothing to live for might as well die trying to do something dramatic toolkit. We also get shades of 11x16 with him doing that in a super haunted house.

You can NOT pass into the veil in a super haunted house with just your brother to watch over you and stop these 1000s of ghosts killing you.

Jesus Christ Dean.

Wait is he literally doing this

Sam is like FFUCKING HELL RIGHT HERE WITHOUT EVEN A SALT RING? ON THE FUCKING STAIRS UNDER THIS SYMBOLIC STAINED GLASS WINDOW THAT LIZZY DIDN'T ANALYSE EARLIER?

DEAAAAN

And yeah this is 2x01 all over again with Dean walking down the stairs trying to get the attention of a ghost.

Wait back up new reaper with a customer service calm grief counsellor voice, but what did she say her name was? :P

"Hello, my name is JESSICA and I'm here to lead you to your next life"

... well I hope she survives the episode just because I always root for the reapers and she's clearly just a random obstacle to Dean who is doing her job, a regular old part of the natural order, but that is not a name you use at random :P

I'm just sitting here running my hands through my hair trying to deal with this right now. Gonna play a few rounds of Pokemon shuffle because I sort of knew this was coming since they showed 5x15 and 2x01 in the opening recap, but the way Dean did it and then walking immediately into a Jessica? Yeah I need a mo.

Dean maybe never told Sam what he did in 11x17 because he didn't at the end of the episode and idk if that's one of those things you don't just bring up at the breakfast table.

JESSICA.

"Hi, I'm the spectre of the loss of the most important romantically loved loved one in your life, do you feel like moving on from them to the next thing"

"sorry I can't come to the phone"

YOCKEY I AM DISTRESSED.

Accidents don't happen accidentally.

"Oh god."

She knows what she's got herself into.

Sam takes 20 seconds to set his waych and sdakdfjgkl hang on who cares about Sam

WE'RE IN REAPER HQ

"Dean Winchester is the the veil!"

Please say this whole thing goes to red alert.

Where's his file. It it like 5000 times the size of all these little ones?

Sam put down enough salt for Dean but not himself.

I don't think that's ghosts blowing lights any more, I think that's emergency lightning from the cosmos.

SHAUN! Oh no, you're dead :(

At least he's talking again.

Generally the freshest ghosts are the more talkative ones, and as Bobby showed us back in 7x19 which I generally try not to remember or rely on for ghost lore, because the older ones are fading and falling into patterns and the fresher ones still have a stronger sense of self and their old life.

OH NO Shaun got possessed because of course that's how he got back here with the mask. I think we saw a smaller ghost in a t-shirt in some of the promo stuff, but I thought it was a kid, not a teenager.

"I miss my mom" he's on the other side of the grief from Jack, who misses his mom because he's alive and she's dead. The doc said he'd feel better and he froze and let him kill him. Also Kevin parallels just of a kid whose most important relationship is his mom and now he's dead.

Dean's thinking clearly for the first time in a while because he's not in his body. All soaked in alcohol and grief. He realises he let Shaun down by not being there to protect him. Which may have all happened this way in another episode, but that PB&J, man. It was a Kevin thing all along. (I SAID it was a Kevin thing and you all were like blah blah Cas blah blah Jack, look, don't doubt me on my Kevin knowledge, guys, I am still RAW about his death and it was 4 years ago :P) Dean's remembering in the middle of grief that it's "saving people hunting things" after he let Patience down with that speech. Or so I hope. They used Dean's speech over the open of the episode like in a season 1 episode they'd usually layer the more optimistic and simplistic "saving people hunting things" from Dean's like, second day on the job, not where he's all messed up and old.

Anyway Shaun is an emergency Kevin patched into his life to make him feel bad about failing people, and I guess that puts Dean at similar crossroads to the middle of season 9. Hopefully to a different end, just like this should be subverting 11x17 for why he just abruptly decided to cross into the veil, because Jessica is not having a good day :P

DEAN GOING INTO THE VEIL TO HELP LOST PEOPLE is doubling up the job of a reaper. Reapers CAN'T COMMUNICATE across the veil to the living, and don't wanna solve the cases. They come to move on the one person with a ticket upstairs in a house full of hundreds of ghosts and just ignore them... Dean actively dives into their turf to solve the case and find out how to move the souls on. He SAYS he wants to help move the souls on.

I have such a huge love of Dean blurring the lines with being Death, and being a reaper. It's just such a symbolic thing. Their job is moving people on, basically handing souls to the reapers to carry on the job, when it's ghost cases. They're the human agents of the reapers breaking the ties that hold ghosts to the earth so that the whole process can carry on and the world doesn't fill up with ghosts - like it did when the veil was broken. (or is it still? Again, the whole Kevin thing not quiiiite answered, although maybe/maybe not that was a sign Chuck was fixing the thing... But then there were a whole bunch of souls Billie for for them out of the veil like 2 episodes later...)

Reaper lore is fucked up on this show :P But Reaper HQ just in the first glimpse looked aaaawfuully empty adjacent...

I'm guessing even though Dean's got back with the info he needs, and Sam's about to wake him up because the clock ran out, the reapers are going to intervene...

WAKEY WAKEY DEAN

Oh look Billie's back.

"Hey Dean"

I haven't been this happy in about 1000 years. Like seriously Cas getting back was great and all but HOLY SHIT have you seen Billie? I would set this as my desktop immediately but my mum and Cat are both gonna have to watch this episode with me and probably see my desktop in the process, so... Saving a screencap for later ;)

This is literally the best thing.

LOOK AT HER.

LOOK AT THAT SCYTHE. HOLY SHIIIT THAT SCYTHE.

Billie's understated attitude is just *clenches fist*

She just shows up!! LOoking LIKE THIS!!!!

I don't even wanna hit play, I don't wanna move past this point, I just want to bask in this one image forever.

THE COAT. NO one has shown up in a floor length leather coat in the entire show so far, because no one has been good enough for it.

"We need to talk" Yeah no shit babe.

LOL getting right to it - Dean like, Cas killed you. Billie like, "how's that working out for him?" - does she know? Either way, she's rubbing it in. Because of course she has eeeevery right to be pissed. :P

UTTER GLEE.

I have a sudden feeling... Billie says, "certain rules - after you kill one "incarnation" of Death" (Hey 1000 points to trisscar) "another one takes its place" and dude.

Death died and within 10 seconds Billie was singing "o Death" and following the Winchesters around, annoying them, making deals with them, making ultimatums with them... Like, the reapers aren't exactly itching to kill EACH OTHER and promote someone, and I guess just one biting the bullet and taking one for the team doesn't work... But this suddenly explains EVERYTHING about Billie getting all up in the business of the people who basically fuck up every deal and ally they make and hanging out with them... doesn't give you much of a life span.

Back in 12x06, Billie taunted Dean, made fun of him for not getting what he wants, and said she wanted something from him. Came to Mary and said she was there to reap her when she was ready. She LET Dean make another deal, a deal where one of his family would have to die, or he himself do it. In a car full of Winchesters, one of them is gonna take one for the team, or ruin everything and kill the reaper who's been bothering them, holds so much over them...

I'm thinking very hard about changes of state right now - that Billie and Cas had mirrored deaths, and Billie came back improved, and Cas... Well, we don't know how he came back except he's been put on a better path, for his character narrative, in confronting and overcoming the symbolic depression, and he has a better coat. Not much to go on yet, and I haven't been participating in the wild flailing about all the ways he MAY have come back different, but this makes a veeery interesting mirror about returns and changes of state, upgrades after death. Now I'm interested in what may have happened to Cas.

But, like, to a magnitude of difference to how utterly delighted I am that Billie won the game :P

But yeah this is a bit of a lore fudge but who caaaares because it brings Billie back and powers her up and makes her into THE BEST CHARACTER ON THE SHOW IN A TOTALLY INARGUABLE WAY.

I love her new ring :P

"This universe can be so many things, and sometimes it is poetic."

Hell yeah it is Billie. I've been saying so for ages, but this really puts it in such a beautiful way. This is Dabb's entire job. He makes this universe *rhyme* with itself. This is what his mirrors and parallels and character repeats have been doing. I even compared scene transitions in 13x03 to the way poetry ends each line in a verse. It's something all the writers have been doing - making the story rhyme.

Gaaaaah. THIS is Dabb's writer meta commentary, perhaps. I think I can trust Yockey to spell it out this way :D

She took him to Reaper HQ!!! Like Cas he's passing through states - I assume he'll be back in time to finish the hunt, but in the mean time... He's got to work through some shit, just like Cas did last episode. Rhyming with each other.

Dean is wearing a black and grey plaid with thin red lines, and a black jacket. He's bringing like the only colour here to all the blackness.

yeah, Billie, keep the scythe away from him.

I love she set her desk up in the W section because even though it's not the middle of the alphabet, she's keeping a CLOSE FREAKING EYE on the Winchesters.

Ooh she knows Dean went to the AU... She's interested in Jack. Dean's chance to protect him!!!???

Billie looks INCREDIBLE how did I ever let myself talk myself into doubting she was here to run the game?

wait shit Dean's doing epic character stuff. Not bargaining with his life, or asking for Mary or Cas back. He just wants to complete the job and free the ghosts because freakin sshdfkjsjlks PB&J brought him back to his senses and he needs to save Kevin-stand-in rather than let him wallow in the veil for 3 seasons again

THAT is one heck of a thing, Dean. I love you so much

not as much as billie but it was a beautiful character moment

Billie is STUNNED.

Jessica gets to take all the ghosts back. She thought this was going to be a terrible day and it actually worked out.

Again, with like 10 minutes left of the episode so this isn't how it ends.

Now Dean's talking about trust, and Billie brings up how they keep breaking cosmic bargains. I think he may be stalling - even planning to NOT give up Jack even though Billie went first... Or he's gonna tell her but... Natural order? She can't just go... kill him...

If Dean's still uncertain about Jack he could always make a query about IF she could kill him, but not give away enough, or have her as the weapon in his back pocket should Jack be a problem... something for him to regret later, maybe?

This is stressful

Dean spills. "Lucifer's son. Jack. When he was born it created a little rip."

What does Billie know about the AU?

Well she knows how the multiverse works, and she knows a "big dumb Winchester" is fairly statistically likely to be the one to knock it all down.

The warning not to try and get Mary back? Now Cas is back? The consequences may still be on Mary, however she's returned to them, intentionally or not, she could topple it?

Ugh I hate spec but all these lines are so leading :P The comment that Sam's plans don't work out, in this light, for example, is realllly nerve-wracking. And we know from spoilers the AU is going to become a more immediate problem at some point...

"That does sound like us."

"You've changed." Billie reading Dean deeply and now we get to the character part of this where she's just... analysing him.

"The Dean I know and love" look I'm die hard Destiel to the bone but Dean x Death is something I've always thought the dynamic for was absolutely stunning since their first meeting, and I hate to say it but making Death into Billie is making it aaawfully tempting to ship :P

Please show him his massive folders.

She's currently just calling him out on how bad he feels. Pure awful character exposition.

"I don't matter." OH DEAN NO.

He and Cas totally rhyming with each other about their passing through these dark other worlds...

Dean couldn't save mom, he couldn't save Cas, he can't even save this kid... But he already saved the kid with that bargain with Billie, and Cas is... out there somewhere. And Mary is a whole other problem and the one he can't solve right now. If she's alive, she's on the other side of a wobbling house of cards he can't touch. But the difference in the way he gets finality on Mary vs the finality on Cas? 13x01 vs this episode as Dean slides from dealing with Cas to dealing with Mary? Getting this blunt exposition from Billie about it...

I think Billie would have thought it was funny to show Dean his file, but then realised because he's changed she needs a different approach to intimidate and interrogate him. She sees that he doesn't feel like a hero any more, not the guy who saves the world. All his crushing losses have made him feel like he's still utterly helpless to make anything good happen in his own life.

And Dean can't work through it, won't work through it, and he knows it - this is the thing that has broken him hardest... That at this point there will be NO recovery except the story handing back Cas to him, and even then that's one hell of a shake to what he believes he can accomplish... If they wanted to scare him back down from "i kill gods" Dean who then went and killed Death too, to show him the universe his huge, and keeps on ticking and his actions have put Billie in charge and the natural order keeps on ticking... But he still can't get mom and Cas back...

I am literally sitting in that room in Alice in Wonderland where she's floating around on her tears.

I mean in my head, anyway :P

My heart is broken.

Billie's "don't you?" though when Dean says he doesn't matter... I wonder what she knows that Dean doesn't :P

But Dean starts ranting to her about how Sam's been trying to help and he's useless... :(

"You really believe that. You want to die." Well, yeah the universe has become a crushing hard place where no one makes sense and Dean doesn't even believe in the blaze of glory death, doing something HEROIC now, let alone not believing in it because he thinks he deserves better and a happy ending at the end of this all...

Lowest point, unlocked! \o/

Oh, ALL those notebooks are his individual deaths... How he dies. "heart attack. burned by a red-haired witch" HEY ROWENA

Are they potential deaths or ones still looming over him, disappearing as he passes those marks? Or are they his entire history of deaths not died?

"Unfortunately, none of these books say you die today"

....

So are they potential future deaths or what?

I mean, Billie just introduced hope to his life.

"I stand witness to a much larger picture" they could not have picked a better character to be Death. She has such DEPTH and WEIGHT to the way she speaks, and such an amazing calm, powerful aura of energy. I just love her so so much.

OH GOSH this camera angle with the scythe in the background behind Dean's face... Gotta save and remember to add that to this, because after telling him all the ways he dies, Billie moves onto his big picture cosmic weight. That he's important. And Dean has the scythe symbolically pointing at him as she talks, telling him he's at those crossroads of life and death but not today... Is this going to be a burden like the one Chuck laid on him, or Billie reminding him that a heroic life is not such a bad thing?

I really think this is one of the best episodes of the show and I got a few minutes left of it and don't know how this resolves :P

SHE IS LITERALLY giving him the 4x01 Cas speech - "you have work to do" and telling him he's important, telling him he deserves to live... Kinda still like I hate you but you're important, and setting aside past grudges. There's more for him to do.

"And trust me, having my eyes opened to the importance of any humans, especially Winchesters, is not a thrill." HA. yeah, she's an anti-Cas but she and Cas are literally bouncing off each other in the story anyway since he stabbed her and then got stabbed himself in turn.

Rhymes. Rules. Reason. Billie is the best character on the show and I love her.

"So, you wanna die, but I say, keep living." "Hmm."

This is NOT the same as what happened with Cas - but he may not remember it - but it works in sort of mirrored ways. Cas utterly defeats the Empty with his will to live, may not remember it, and may have to piece his newfound will to live together himself in this new hopeful return to life. I hope. Dean has no will to live, and orders of work and purpose are just the way his life goes, the orders endlessly being placed on his head by every cosmically powerful figure... God, Death that time in 6x11, Billie now, JOHN every day of his life from aged 4 to 27 and then one final order to haunt Dean to his first grave...

"I need to know. My mom" *wakey wakey*

Oh, and there's the so far missing hope. She can't lie to him and say Mary's dead, so she cuts him off in indecision and uncertainty, and THAT, unfortunately, is a massive step up from where he was in total despair that there is no one he can save...

And Cas may very well be back in his life to give him the hope that it can be done again by the end of this episode... Aaaaaaaaaaaah.

Anyway Dean goes wakey wakey at last and the house seems to be wrapped up, yay.

there's exactly 5 minutes left, which is always the omen. :P

Sam comforts Shaun's mom, and wanders through the scene, looking small in the chaos, to rejoin Dean at the car.

And like in 11x17 Dean lies again.

Sam is too smart for that, chases it up when Dean tries to brush it off as luck, and says that when Dean says they talk about it later, it means they won't talk about it and it's Dean's way of shutting off a conversation from ever happening...

Sam calling out their communication issues? I am LIVING

Dean glances at the mom, and is reminded that they do this job for a reason, that he bargained to save the souls of the children... Sold out the info about Jack for it...

"I saw Death. The Death."

*Sam does the eyebrows*

"He's dead"

"No she's not"

*EYEBROWS*

"it's billie"

And Dean goes on to even say that she wanted intel, and does Sam pick up on it?

... no he doesn't. He doens't ask or guess what it was...

Dean repeats the line about work to do, which is also, especially in the context of Sam and Dean talking, what they say in instances like for example 2x22 when Dean had just sold his soul for Sam, when they're about to go back to work with their regular job. The open the trunk of the car and look at their gear and announce they're going to go kick ass phrase. (Which, of course, in 4x01, Cas was subverting the context by saying it to Dean away from Sam, putting the burden on him - Billie at least made it about Sam and Dean both but that she was talking to Dean)

But they're sitting on the back of the car, keeping the trunk closed... Not moving on

And Dean starts talking about how he's not okay.

And how he always believed in what they did - saving people hunting things - that losing John or Bobby or people they cared about was a hit he could take for the higher purpose. Billie has just REMINDED him that he is bound to a higher purpose. But he's so lost, and he's lost people who he CAN'T lose. Mary and Cas at once is just TOO MUCH. It makes the universe cruel not poetic...

(I say, having it paused here but knowing Misha's in the credits again as an awful TEASE :P)

He just needs a WIN.

And he may just get one because he told 90% of the truth to Sam, conveyed exactly what was going on behind that line about not believing in anything from last episode, the power of which narratively brought back Cas because that was a huge step in his grief arc, to admit it. Now he's explaining it, telling Sam how badly it's all got to him...

Oh god where is Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaas.

They're driving off and there's music, which... agh.

drive drive drive sexy car

Omg we're going back to the house... More grief on the mom for her son... Just really WALLOWING in how much loss hurts everyone, and even when the soul has moved on, that Dean got a win for their knowledge of the afterlife, that they know ghosts can go to a better place, the mom doesn't, she has lost Shaun and that's it for her. No closure, just pain.

drive drive drive

Billie reading Dean's book

I think Billie really has a huge interest in Dean... :P

drive drive drive... Okay so Yockey is the new Robbie montage guy.

Also Sam is asleep while Dean drives - this seems to parallel 12x20 where he was asleep and Dean checked his messages from Mary...

Bring bring?

BRING BRING.

Called that like a boss :3

WHAT, NO "HELLO DEAN" ON THE PHONE?

FUCK YOU YOCKEY I TAKE IT ALL BACK I HATE THIS ENTIRE EPISODE

I mean there probably was one under the music if that was Cas...

Well this alley has that cross from 11x06, aka the start of Cas's depression arc, the one where Metatron was teasing him about a real life angel on camera...

drive drive drive

Cross reflected in the car

Hey, bison sign

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Has he just been waiting at that phonebox for hours.

I'll just wait here then... I'll wait for you...

Well that got fucking tied up with a fucking bow, from all the left over crap Robbie left lying around.

God I don't even have anything to say... Cas waited. For Dean. Like the love ballad warned he would. Because he's Dean's real life angel, and Dean's win. It was FOR Dean. Dean's arc narratively brought Cas back into his life, but on Cas's side of the story they fully fleshed out the end of his depression arc and made Cas bring himself back on his own terms so it doesn't shove Cas into a subheading for Dean even when the bigger story is handing Cas on a plate back to Dean...

And that, my friends, was one hell of a fun game :P

#13x05 #season 13 spoilers #suicide mention cw #yockey fanclub #holy shit this episode was wish fulfilment of the highest order #Sometimes it is poetic #my stuff

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