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alexblakeisgay · 7 months

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Between the Blues and the Pinks (Ch. 4)

Ship: Alex Blake/Emily Prentiss

Summary: The Baby Blues: The temporary feelings of sadness following having a baby. Also known as Postpartum Depression. The Baby Pinks: The mild mania experienced following having a baby. Also known as Postpartum Euphoria.

Warnings: Mental health issues, postpartum mood disorders.

Word Count: 1106

Emily could feel Alex awaken around four AM in the way all her muscles seemed to tense. She didn't need to ask to know it was because she knew what day it was...

She found Alex's hand under the cover and squeezed it tightly. She wanted to tell her not to be nervous, but knew it would do no good. Instead, she said, "Why don't we get breakfast?"

A beat.

"At four AM?" Alex asked in a whisper.

Emily laughed softly. "Denny's is open..." When Alex didn't respond, she gently prompted, "It's better than lying here stressing about the results for the next three hours."

"I can worry and eat at the same time," she joked weakly, even though it was a largely accurate joke.

Humming a little note, Emily cocked her head, let her gaze rake over Alex. "Well, in that case, I may just have to come up with a more distracting distraction..."

Alex raised a brow. "Meaning what, exactly?" she challenged.

Emily just smirked, then with a low growl, she pounced on Alex. She affixed her lips to Alex's throat, gently grazing the skin with her teeth while she palmed her breast through her nightgown.

Alex giggled at the sudden amorous turn of events, her arms wrapping around Emily's neck. "What do you think you're doing?" she asked.

"Distracting you."

"With sex?"

Emily pulled back, brow raised. "That a problem?"

Alex knew she wasn't supposed to have to think about the answer, but at the same time, things hadn't necessarily been romantic of late. It wasn't that she didn't want to have sex, more that she'd been so absorbed in her worry that she hadn't had the energy for anything else. And in that moment, she could have said that she was too nervous, knew that Emily would respect that...but she also knew that Emily had been extremely understanding and she wanted to express how grateful she was for that.

She smiled softly, cupped Emily's cheek so she could lean in for a tender kiss. "Not a problem at all," she murmured.

___________

"You seem to be in an awfully good mood," Tara observed as Alex took a seat across from her.

Alex tried to bite down on her bottom lip to quash the smile struggling to break free...not entirely successfully. She just couldn't help it. "I've had a good morning," she said evasively.

Tara laughed. "I'll bet you did..."

Alex felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

"No need to be embarrassed," Tara insisted, "It's a good thing." Alex said nothing, merely gave her a dubious look. "Really," she maintained, "You're allowed to have a healthy sex life."

She still seemed mortified, but nodded her agreement anyway. Clearing her throat, she said, "I feel...okay. About getting the results today, I mean."

Tara smiled encouragingly. "I'm glad to hear that. We've worked hard to get you to this point. Of course, our work isn't done once you get the results – regardless of what they say, you're going to have a baby in a few months and that will undoubtedly bring up memories and feelings regarding Ethan."

Much as she knew that to be true, Alex didn't want it to be true. She wanted a clean slate, a fresh start; she wanted to be a mom with a new baby and no baggage.

As if sensing this, Tara said, "You're going to have so much love for this new baby – not in spite of Ethan, but because of him. You'll also have pain, but that's not something you should try to erase."

"You're starting to sound like a fortune cookie," she muttered.

Tara nodded, as if she'd suspected as much. "Alex, none of this is quick easy fixes, but there can also be wisdom in simplicity." A beat. "Okay, that wasn't any better."

Alex just sighed. "I guess I just hoped there was a light at the end of the tunnel..." That seemed to alarm Tara and it took a moment before Alex realized why. "With therapy," she amended. "I don't want to be doing this forever."

"You won't be coming here forever," Tara assured her. "But first I need to be satisfied with my assessment of your mental state."

She nodded slowly, wondering where exactly her life had gone wrong that she needed other people to be sure she wasn't a danger to herself or others. How she'd gotten to the point where sometimes she wasn't even certain of the answer.

Tara gently reminded, "Alex, it's not a personal failure to need help."

She wished she could believe that.

____________

Alex ducked into the car, just in time to hear Emily say, "Perfect timing: Alex just finished." She raised a brow, curious as to who was on the line. "It's your doctor," Emily mouthed, causing Alex's brows to leap up her forehead.

"Oh, umm... Hi, Dr. Crenshaw," Alex announced her presence, climbing into the passenger seat. "I'm assuming you have the results of the amnio?"

"Correct," the doctor replied, then paused a moment.

Immediately, Alex's anxiety spiked. She could feel the blood draining from her face, her hands starting to shake. "It's bad news, isn't it?"

"Oh, no, no – not at all," the doctor insisted, "It's just a snag."

"A snag?" Alex echoed, panicking once again.

Emily reached across the centre console, rested a hand on Alex's thigh to silently remind her to calm down.

The doctor's tone immediately became apologetic. "Sorry to alarm. I only meant that the sample of amniotic fluid we took wasn't large enough to run all the tests necessary, so we'll need to take another sample."

Alex exhaled shakily, struggling to process this information. "Oh... Okay? So, there's nothing wrong?"

"Nothing you need to be concerned about," the doctor said.

Those words did nothing to soothe Alex's racing mind, but she bade the doctor goodbye nonetheless. Then, as soon as she did, she turned to Emily with wide alarmed eyes.

"Okay," Emily started the reassurances preemptively, "This is not a situation where we need to panic."

Alex raised a brow. "Are you sure? Because the way she phrased it..."

"No, Alex. We are not going to let our imaginations run away from us," she insisted. "As far as we know, we're having a happy, healthy little baby and that's what matters right now, okay?"

#criminal minds #emily prentiss #alex blake #fanfiction #mine #alex blake/emily prentiss

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witheringvoice · 2 years

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Not A Vent Poem, A Vent

I wish I could be the type of person who gets pissed. I rarely do, I'm upset, I'm slightly peeved, how do you spell that? Grammarly will probably tell me if I got it right, I don't have premium tho. Oh well.

TW: Mentions of abuse, suicidal thoughts, whatever else, PTSD, stuff like that

I have struggled with sleep for as long as I could remember. When I was young, I had too much energy or random nightmares, or I just didn't have the lack of energy to be able to fall asleep and I was too restless not to. And don't forget the fact I'm the jumpiest motherfucker I know, I can't block out noises and any little noise will make me have to restart the passing out process, especially if it scares me shitless. And sometimes what I listen to sleep (some form of sleep aid, music related, an old stream, old youtube videos, music in general) doesn't work and I have to spend god knows how long finding something else that will be "calm" yet also mind-numbing enough to keep me distracted from my restlessness and constant moving brain to keep me able to sleep. And also, not to mention the fact that I did something dumb during quarantine, and now sleeping is so hard because I have to literally create a fucking dream before passing out, and to my dismay that is never the actual dreams I have, plus my constant waking up nearly every hour. For fucks sake.

When someone talks shit about my problems, it can really get to me. Like, yeah, I know I should be asleep. You don't think I want to be? It's four thirty-five am and I'm desperate to sleep, but I'm also too scared to because I know the moment I attempt to close my eyes I'll be met with a nightmare, a dream of some kind that might have something emotionally affecting even if it's not a nightmare, a dream that is happy or chaotic and I'll end up being saddened by, or the fact that I won't be able to sleep at all, which is always the thing that happens, ALWAYS. There have been times when I almost passed out at school, passed out on my feet, nearly fell over, and collapsed. Blood rushes to my head every time I get up, I lose my vision, I don't know what happens to me, I don't know why I can't sleep, anxiety? depression? PTSD? other issues I have?

I'm hurt, I'm scared, I'm lost. And my own fucking mother has the audacity to say in a disappointed, and irritated raised voice, "you really need to fix your sleep schedule" or something like that. Mom, my deal mum, dearest mom (I can't call her mother, my friend's nickname is mother, mother is cool, my mom isn't always very cool), I CAN'T. I can't fucking sleep, I know I desperately need to, the school year's coming up, and I really need to sleep. I'll be starting high school, I'll be starting pre-calculus, I'll be starting extra fucking anxiety because I went to a project-based middle school which was a lot fucking smaller than the other middle school in the district and I could barely handle that many students. There has been a multitude of times over the last school year, and much before that too, when I've functioned on an hour or less sleep (to be fair I also have such bad anxiety that I have to wake up so fucking early or I'll believe I'm late, even if there is no possible way I'll be late. Oh god and my moms gonna be driving me to school now, oh god we used to get late a lot, what the fuck am I gonna do, the stares, the disappointment of my teachers...), AND YEAH IT FUCKING SUCKED. But I survived, I managed, and somehow, I am not dead. She should be fucking proud, fucking proud that I haven't given up, done some horrible fucked up shit to me that I've thought about, that I keep trying, that I attempt to get sleep eventually, that I manage to get a sliver of sleep even if it's restless fucking sleep that sometimes does less damage than good. She should be fucking proud that my grades were fine, that I'm an overachiever and I'm going to high school having already taken some high school classes and am going in with some random ass credits that a normal freshman should have, I HAVE/HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO POTENTIAL GO AND BE A SOPHOMORE, to be fair I still don't know if that opportunity will happen, BUT IT WAS A POSSIBILITY. And I'm tired, so tired, physically, emotionally, mentally, in every way possible. I've been tired for so long, and she has the fucking audacity. God, I love her, I've loved her even probably when I shouldn't, through all of the fucking terrible shit she's done, I didn't even bat an eye and say anything about it, I tried to be her happy-go-lucky smart little beam of a child. I tried to be the youngest little cheerful prodigy. So much of myself has been fake since I can remember, and I don't even know who I am anymore. All I know is work, work work work. School is all I'm good at, and I'm not even good at it anymore. I loved to learn, but now I'm tired. I'm so tired, I'm so so tired. Please, she tries her best, right? Yeah she gambles, yeah she smokes even though I'm allergic and gave me asthma because of it, yeah she's physically harmed me a few times, but not as much as she did to my siblings before I was born! She used to be really bad, she's told me a lot. She tells me I should be happy she's better, is that a bad thing for her to say? I don't know, I don't know. She's said a lot of really bad shit, she doesn't drink much anymore though she never really got drunk around us. She's just stressed, right? I mean yeah she shouldn't have taken it out on us, and yeah it's only me now but I'm the least argumentative! I'm so quiet, haha my name's Silence...What am I gonna do? She isn't the worst mother in the world, I should be grateful, right? She's barely physically harmed me, and those times were so far in between each other, she'd never do it again, right? When she got into bad arguments with my brother it was scary, they got physical a few times, and it was really really scary. I don't like arguing, I don't think my therapist realizes my PTSD doesn't just stem from the Victor incident, that was just the final straw, the final trigger. Or at least I think so, arguments always sort of triggered me, and then that incident happened and then everyone was like- "Oh fuck this child has PTSD now." No, I probably had it, but nobody noticed because I cover for my family.

#vent post

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undeniablycandycane · 3 years

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Yeah Owen Wilson's attractive and such but y'all already get that and I don't have to repeat myself. What I wish more people would get is how easily he makes comfort characters

#owen wilson #listen there is jed theres hutch theres mobius theres lmq theres DIGNAN who needs more credit #just all lovable beans. idk some of his characters just bring me innocent joy yknow #it doesnt always have to be thirst lol. mobius brings me pure happiness.#dont forget roy.#just. they bring me joy #plus i get tired of all the thirsting sometimes. now that everyones thirsting over him im mostly just here for the serotonin he brings #idk he's always attractive but i guess I just wanna focus on something else sometimes? it gets old to me idk why #i guess when you see something all the time it loses its charm #also depressed lately so that could be why. hard to have the energy to fix meals lol #probably gonna ramble a little more #today was a shit day and I'm just thinkin about mobius. such a soft man. he flirts with loki #i try to be more respectful of him than some people are. idk it doesn't feel... quite right the way some people talk about him #am i the only one who feels this way? like when I talk about a celeb i usually try to keep in mind how it would make them feel if #they were exposed to it. idk maybe i'm too harsh but I just don't want a situation where the guy is made uncomfortable or like #forced into the shadows yknow? idk maybe i'm just being protective? i mean he can take care of himself im just saying #i like talking with people abt him but also there are certain things people say or do that just... dont feel quite right ig #i hope im not alone in this #anyway dont send any h8 over this lol

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tellhound · 2 years

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Could you maybe combine, “ you know, you’ve got a really pretty smile. “ “ you call this a smile? “ AND “ how long are you staying? “ “ for as long as you need me. “

Very excited to see what you come up with, any pairing you like <3

Thank you so much for making me challenge myself in this way and for being so patient with me while you've waited 💖

This was supposed to be the ghost!Jaskier fic, but when I lost those files this got born instead. Hope you like it!

Also I apologize that it stops making sense halfway through

Also available on ao3

Warnings: depression

Words: 1.6k

Pairing: Geraskier

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2:37 am. The clock on his phone was mocking him. Another sleepless night with nothing but his demons to keep him company. If only they could tell him something he didn't already know, but their words were like a broken record at this point.

You're worthless. No one cares about you. You'd do everyone a favor if you just disappeared.

Most of the time there's still a tiny part of him that knows every word they say is a lie. But with each passing day it's getting harder and harder not to trust them and tonight especially he feels like they must be right.

Suddenly the apartment just feels too small and there's not enough air to fill his lungs. With a racing heart he gets up from his bed and quickly hurries out to the hallway where he puts on his old boots that's seen some better days before he leaves the tiny apartment, not bothering to grab his jacket.

As he's walking down the streets alone in the darkness he slowly starts feeling like he can breathe again. The voices in his head still keep mocking him though and for just a moment he wonders if it would be worth it to go back to his apartment only to grab his headphones so he can drown them out with music. But truth be told he hasn't exactly paid any attention to where he's been going and he's not really familiar with the area he's in.

Fucking idiot, can't even recognize a part of the town where he's lived for the past 7 years. This is why no one likes you.

***

3:46 am the clock on his phone tells him the next time he checks. He's finally found his way to a part of the town that he recognizes, but he's not sure he wants to head back to his apartment yet. It's not like he'll get any sleep anyway. Besides, the streets are never this calm and peaceful during the day and lately being around people has just been so hard. Most of the time he doesn't even leave his apartment anymore unless absolutely necessary.

Eventually he ends up outside the White Wolf, the new club in town where his boyfriend got a job a few weeks earlier. If he looks closely through the window in the door he can see movement inside even though they closed at 3am. Probably some poor bartender who had to stay behind and clean up other people's shit.

He'd rather not stay and find out if the person is his boyfriend or not, cause after two weeks of completely ignoring him he can't imagine that it could have any other outcome than being yelled at and he can't handle that right now.

He doesn't make it very far before a familiar voice calls out his name.

"Geralt! Long time no see. How have you been?" Jaskier says as enthusiastically as he can while he turns towards his boyfriend.

"Cut the bullshit, Jask. We both know what's really going on and I can't help you if you keep avoiding me." The words are harsh, but underneath the anger there's definitely a hint of concern.

He's going to leave you just like Valdo did if you tell him the truth.

There's a moment of silence as Jaskier considers what to do. It's definitely a real fear of his that Geralt will one day just leave if he figures out what a burden Jaskier really can be. And it may or may not have anything to do with his ex. But he just doesn't have the energy to pretend anymore. "I'm just so tired." he admits, silently cursing himself at how his voice cracks on the last word.

"The kind of tired that sleep can't fix." it's not a question, cause they've been down this road before. "Please, let me help you." There's an unspoken cause I can't lose you in his words, but Jaskier hears them loud and clear anyway.

"I don't want to be a burden." Upon hearing those words Geralt closes the distance between them and embraces Jaskier in his arms.

"Jask… You could never be a burden. Not to me." he says and if Jaskier starts crying that's between him and Geralt.

Neither of them are sure how long they stand there in each other's arms, jaskier crying while Geralt whispers sweet nothings to him. But by the time they part the sun has slowly started rising from her sleep.

“I uh… I’m gonna have to contact my therapist again, aren’t I?” Jaskier asks, wiping away the last of his tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

“That's a choice only you can make. But I saw how much it helped you to talk to her the last time. However, whatever choice you make I'll support it.”

“Alright. I… I’ll call her in the morning then. But… do you think… nevermind.” He knows Geralt probably won't mind what he's about to ask from him. But he's a grown man, he shouldn't need someone to be with him when he makes a phone call.

“You want me to be there when you call. ” Geralt says it so matter of factly and honestly isn't it just rude how he sometimes seems to be able to read Jaskier's mind.

***

It's 4:36 am by the time that they're both lying together in Jaskier's bed. The bed is really not big enough for two people and their solution has always been for Jaskier to practically lay on top of Geralt and this time there's no difference.

“Are you sure about this? It’s not too late for you to grab your things and just leave if you want to.” It feels like someone stuck a knife in his heart and twisted it hard when Geralt hears those words coming from his boyfriend and in response he wraps his arms around the other man and kisses him on the top of his head.

“So I assume that means you're staying.” Jaskier says and it makes Geralt happy to hear the little chuckle he let out at the same time.

“Your assumption is correct.”

“Can I ask you something and please don’t take this the wrong way because I really do love having you here, but how long are you staying?” he turns around in Geralt's arms as he asks this, so they'll be able to actually look at each other as they speak.

“For as long as you need me.” Geralt answers and he hopes with all his heart that Jaskier actually believes him. He has no idea what he'd do without the musician in his life anymore. Probably crash and burn.

“Then why don’t we make it official and move in together?” The question is so unexpected that Geralt isn't sure he's actually heard right at first. But from the way Jaskier is looking at him it couldn't have been anything else.

“Jask…”

“No, I mean it. We celebrated three years together just a couple months ago and while I’m unsure about a lot of things right now, I know that I want this.” He looks so expectantly at the man underneath him and honestly how is Geralt supposed to say no to that?

“I want that too, but do you really think that right now is the right time to do something as big as that?” he asks anyway.

“Maybe. Maybe not. There’s only one way to find out the answer to that though." Geralt knows Jaskier is right and it's not like they haven't talked about moving in together before." And it would give me something else to think about.” Jaskier adds as an afterthought.

“Okay. Let’s do it. Let’s move in together." Geralt says, smiling. He can already imagine coming home after a long night at the club, getting into bed beside Jaskier and having him immediately throw his arms and legs around him like a koala whether he's awake or not.

“Really?” Jaskier asks, almost sounding like he doesn't quite believe his ears.

"It's gonna have to happen at some point anyway." At this Jaskier's face lights up and it might be the most beautiful he's ever looked.

“You have no idea how much I love you.” It's been so long since Geralt last heard Jaskier say this and for a moment he can pretend that things never changed.

“To the moon and back.” He answers and gives Jaskier a little kiss on his nose. He's not sure why Jaskier frowns at that, but he thinks he knows how to get that beautiful smile back again.

"You know… I think we should get one of those really tiny apartments where you can barely fit a bed. I just don't like it when there's too much space between us." he says as a joke and watches as Jaskier just grimaces at him for that.

“You know, you’ve got a really pretty smile.” Jaskier may not be smiling at the moment, but that doesn't mean it's not true.

“You call this a smile?” Jaskier sounds so confused that Geralt can't help but laugh.

"I didn't say that."

“Hmm. I guess you didn't." He answers and turns to lie on his back again.

"I love you so much." And at that Jaskier smiles.

So maybe Jaskier wasn't okay and he would probably have a long road ahead of him before he would reach that point again. But as long as Geralt stayed by his side he knew he'd be able to get through anything.

-----

Taglist: @luteandsword

#The witcher #Jaskier #Geralt of rivia #Geraskier #Fanfic #Tellhound writes #That one fic in which I'm Jaskier #How do you add read more breaks on Tumblr app?

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drabbles-mc · 3 years

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Let Me In

EZ Reyes x F!Reader

Request by Anon: Can I request an Ez drabble where his relatively new girlfriend slips into an episode for the first time while they've been together? Like one day she just stops responding to his texts and calls, Letty notices she hasn't posted on social media, no one has seen her around town or at the club. He goes to her house to check on her, and she explains that this is something that just happens and people trying to cheer her up just makes her feel guilty. So he offers to be a silent character in her home during her episode, basically moving into her guest room. Like he'll just help out by going grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, etc., so that he can make sure she's nourished, well stocked, and clean. I understand if this is too uncomfortable because it involves mental illness, but if you felt comfortable enough to write it, I would really like that 💜

Warnings: mentions of depression/mental illness, language, EZ being a sweetie

Word Count: 2.3k

A/N: EZ being a mindful partner and caretaker is my jam. Hope you enjoy! xo

Join my group-chat here: (X)

EZ Reyes Taglist: @ly--canthrope @noz4a2 @queenbeered @sincerelyasomebody @sadeyesgf @thesandbeneathmytoes @appropriate-writers-name @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @multiyfandomgirl40 @sillygoose6969 @louisianalady @gemini0410 @chibsytelford @yourwonkywriter @sesamepancakes @mayans-sauce @behindmyeyes-insidemyhead @plentyoffandoms @georgiaaintnopeach @twistnet @themoonandthewicked @garbinge @bucky-iss-bae @enjoy-the-destruction @encounterthepast @everyhowlmarksthedead @rosieposie0624 @mylittlelonelyappreciationtoo @mijop @xladymacbethx @blessedboo @holl2712 @lakamaa12 @masterlistforimagines @kkim120 @toni9 (If you want to be added let me know!)

Your phone buzzed again. When you looked down and saw EZ’s name lighting up the screen, you gnawed at the inside of your cheek before turning it back over and setting it face down on the couch next to you. For three days you had been dodging his text and his calls. As much as you hated ignoring him, what you would hate more was dragging him into the mess you felt like you were currently trapped it.

The two of you hadn’t been dating for very long. Things had been going well, and even outside of your new-found relationship with EZ, you had been doing well in general. Until one day when you woke up and started to feel yourself slipping. It’d been a while since you felt yourself spiraling downwards, and part of you figured that you were a little overdue for it, as fucked up as it sounded. You knew what you were in for, what to expect, but you didn’t want to put that on Ezekiel. Things were still so new, and so good—you didn’t want to stain that with the darkness that was swirling around inside your head. Besides, it was better for you to get through your depressive episodes alone. You couldn’t handle other people’s guilt on top of your own depression.

EZ was sat at the bar in the clubhouse, staring intently at his phone. He felt like if he looked at it long enough, your contact photo would light up the screen with a phone call. But he had no such luck. The anxious part of him worried that you had just woken up and decided to drop him and move on, but that just didn’t seem right—things had been going so well. He knew that things were still fresh with the two of you, though, and he didn’t feel comfortable just showing up and kicking your door in, especially when you had been making a point to not talk to him.

“You alright?” Letty approached him, instantly noticing the worried look on his face.

He looked up at her from the screen of his phone, “You heard from Y/N?”

She shook her head, “Not the past few days, why? She okay?”

He sighed, shaking his head, “I don’t know. She hasn’t been answering my calls or texts. Just starting to get worried.”

Letty was already scrolling on her phone to see if she had seen any posts from you the past few days on social media. But there was nothing. She looked over at EZ, “Nothing. Maybe you should go check on her. Can’t hurt.”

He nervously twisted his hands in his lap, “I don’t want to just show up like that. I don’t think we’re really there yet.”

Angel scoffed from the stool next to him, “Don’t be like that, ‘mano. If you’re worried go check on her. She hasn’t been around lately.”

EZ knew that he would never win an argument against the both of them. So with a heavy sigh he got up from his seat and made his way towards the door of the clubhouse. He texted you to tell you that he was on his way, but in his gut, he knew that the text was most likely going to go unanswered.

When he pulled into your driveway, he saw that your car was there. That at least gave him reassurance that you were home, not stranded or lost somewhere. He hung his helmet off the handlebar and made his way up to the front door. Taking a deep breath, he reached forward and knocked on your door.

You’d heard EZ’s bike long before you heard the knock at the door. You contemplated, for a fleeting moment, not answering the door. But you knew that wasn’t fair to him—none of this really was.

You unlocked and opened the door and you could instantly see the relief on his face when he saw that you were alive and in one piece. That relief, however, was brief as his features twisted into a look of concern. He saw the dark circles beneath your eyes, the hollowness in them.

“Hey,” you offered up as you stood in the doorway.

“Hey, um,” he cleared his throat, “sorry to just turn up like this. I just…I got worried.”

“Sorry,” it was hard to meet his eyes.

There were a few beats of silence before he asked, “Can I come in?”

You glanced back over your shoulder for a second. Your house wasn’t a mess or anything, but usually you took extra care to straighten up when you knew that people, especially EZ, were coming over. There was no point in hiding it now, though. It was too late to pretend that everything was normal.

You opened the door and stepped aside so that he could come in. With a deep sigh you shut and locked it behind the both of you. You stayed put by the front door, not quiet sure what EZ was going to say or do. You were surprised that he didn’t seem angrier or upset about you completely blowing him off the last few days.

“Can I ask what’s been going on?” you could tell by the look on his face that he was trying to choose his words carefully.

You gnawed at the inside of your lip for a second before walking towards the couch, motioning for him to follow you. You sat down next to him and pulled your legs up underneath you. He watched your every move, and you could see it in his eyes that he didn’t know what was wrong but he already wanted to fix it.

“I’m sorry that I’ve been blowing you off,” you sighed and ran your hands over your face, “I just, I sort of shut down sometimes. I’m used to how I operate, but I probably should’ve mentioned something about it to you.”

“About what?” he was a smart man, but he still wanted you to be able to tell him in your own words what was going on.

You fussed with the hem of your hoodie, “About my depression. There’s just, you know, never a good time to bring it up,” you let out a hollow chuckle, “Not necessarily the best ice breaker on a first date,” you shook your head, “But anyway. Some days it’s worse than others. It’s always pretty manageable, but when it gets bad I usually just shut down and stay in. I know how to handle myself and it’s easier to just get through it alone.”

“I can help,” his tone was so sincere.

You nodded, “I know you would. But people trying to cheer me up or get me to do shit just…makes it worse. I just gotta ride it out. Things always end up leveling off and going back to normal. I just don’t really have the capacity to handle human interaction.”

“I can help and also not talk to you,” he wasn’t trying to make light of your situation, but you could still see a hint of a smile playing at his lips as he made his offer.

It got you to give a small smile in return, “I’m not going to ask you to do that.”

“You’re not asking,” he scooted a little closer to you, “I’ll stay out of your way. I can crash on the couch, or in the spare room. You won’t even know I’m here. I’ll be like your Alfred. Only better-looking.”

“Ezekiel,” you shook your head, “you really don’t have to—”

“But I want to,” he cut you off but his voice was still gentle, “If you really can’t stand me after a couple days then I’ll pack my shit and leave you alone until you’re feeling better. Promise.”

You sighed, not having the energy to really fight him on it. You gave a slight nod, “Okay.”

“Yea?”

You nodded, “Yea.”

You felt like there was something more that you should say but you couldn’t. Your brain felt like it was coated in a fog. Without another word about it, EZ stood up and gave you a light kiss on the top of your head before heading back out the way he came so he could go pack some clothes and things to keep at your place.

When he got back to your place, you were curled up on the couch underneath your blanket. The television was on despite the fact that you weren’t really listening to it—it just was better than complete silence. EZ toed off his boots by the door, his footsteps surprisingly soft as he made his way through your house to set his things in your spare bedroom.

You looked over at him when he came back down the hall. He looked over at you for a moment and smiled but didn’t say anything as he made his way over into the kitchen. A few seconds later you heard the sink turn on. Propping yourself up on your elbows you peeked to see what he was doing. His back was completely to you as he started to work through the dishes that had been accumulating in your sink. You watched him for a minute, and if you listened hard enough you could hear him quietly humming to himself as he did. You laid back down on the couch, letting your eyes drift shut to the sound of the television and the water running in the next room over.

Ezekiel was true to his word—he didn’t push you to do anything or speak with him. Over the course of the next few days, he kept himself busy. He went to the store, trying his best to figure out what you needed without having to ask you. He cooked for you, silently setting the plate down either on the coffee table or on your nightstand depending on where you were. Occasionally he would press his lips to the top of your head in a light kiss, but he tried never to linger.

Truthfully your house had never been so clean. You were a fairly tidy person when you were in a good space, but EZ’s dedication to cleaning your place far exceeded yours even on your best days. He refused to let himself sit idly by if there was something that he could be doing. You’d grown accustomed to the sounds of him walking through your house, going up and down your stairs to and from the basement as he did your laundry as well as his own. You knew when he was really into his tasks because he would absentmindedly hum little tunes while he busied himself.

The smell of dinner had been filling the house for what seemed like ages. You had strolled through the kitchen a couple times, disguising your curiosity by making it seem like you just wanted to get yourself a bottle of water. EZ was so engrossed in his cooking process that he didn’t even notice. Before this point, you never really thought about if he could cook, but apparently, he could and he was very good at it.

You were sat on the couch, scrolling trying to find something to put on the TV that piqued your interest. EZ came over and set a plate down in front of you. You looked up at him, offering up a quiet thank you. He nodded in response and turned around to go to his room.

“EZ,” you called after him. You waited for him to stop and turn to you, “There something you wanna watch?” you held the controller out to him

He raised his eyebrows, unable to pretend that he wasn’t a little surprised at the gesture, “Yea?”

You nodded, “All the titles are starting to look the same to me.”

He chuckled as he sat down, taking the controller from you, “I get it.”

You watched him as he scrolled through the titles in front of him. His brows furrowed as he read through one show synopsis after another. Despite how heavy everything had felt lately, there was something reassuring about the position you currently found yourself in. Even though you hadn’t wanted him to stay, to see you like this, you had to admit that it was nice to finally have someone around who knew how to have your back when you were going through it. He knew how to be there and not suffocate you.

“Thank you,” you said as you started to pick away at your dinner.

He chuckled, “Picking a show isn’t that hard. Don’t need to thank me.”

You smiled and shook your head, “Thank you for staying with me. I know it’s not exactly exciting but it’s…I kind of like you being here.”

“Kind of?” he playfully nudged your knee with his own.

“Keeping you humble. I’m not that out of it.”

He laughed for a moment before his expression grew a little more serious, “Thank you for letting me stay. I know that wasn’t easy.”

You nodded slowly, “Yea. But, y’know, it was nice for the guest room to finally get some use.”

One end of his mouth curled up in a smirk, “I might show up and stay there uninvited all the time.”

You shook your head, biting back a smile. It’d been a long few days, and it wasn’t over yet. But for a few minutes you got to feel a little lighter and that was a feeling you wanted to hold onto while you had it. You watched EZ out of the corner of your eye as he focused on the television. You weren’t much for company but there was something comforting about his presence. Even if you didn’t want to admit it, you were glad that he’d shown up on your doorstep.

#mayans mc #mayansmc #mayans fx #mayans mc imagine #ez reyes #ezekiel reyes #ez reyes x you #ez reyes x reader #ezekiel reyes imagine #ezekiel reyes x reader #ezekiel reyes fanfic #my writing #fanfiction #drabblesmc

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ambria · 3 years

Text

everytime // Sirius Black

Sweetener x Marauders

play ‘everytime’ by Ariana Grande <3

pairing: sirius black x reader

word count: 2.3k ✨

warnings: angst, fluff at the end, mentions of drinking, under-age drinking, partying, depression?, mentions of drugs and drug use, someone trying to take advantage on the drunk reader, crying? Let me know if I missed something.

This also might have a few time jumps

A/N: I wrote this in 1st person but I feel like I should make these in 3rd so that’s what I’ll start doing. But this is also my first time making a one-shot fic so cut me some slack if it’s trash. But I hope you enjoy!

I get tired of your no-shows

Taking in the warmth through my fingers I look at the door once more before glancing at the clock.

He’s late. Again

I take a deep breath to cool down my nerves and sigh. I sip the rest of my butterbeer before looking at the entrance once more and packing my stuff and walking out. I look around once more before giving up and walking back to the castle.

You get tired of my control

As I’m walking back I start to get more irritated by the step. This isn’t the first time he’s done this. Always too busy to hang out because of him with his friends or too busy because of pranks. The missed dates and the interrupted times. All for his friends. I’m clearly not a priority in his life and that has to change or I’m not going to be in it.

Walking through the castle I collect my thoughts on how I’m gonna approach this situation. But since I’m so pissed off, I’m gonna take an angry approach.

I walk up to the gryffindor common room and say the password before walking in.

As I stepped into the common room, lo and behold, the marauders spread on the couches talking loudly and laughing. Seeing that made my blood boil. As I walk over I catch the attention of the brunet,

“Y/N!!!!! Hey!!!” The Potter boy called out. I gave a weak smile. Which caught the attention of my boyfriend.

“Hey, babe.” He smiled at me. I internally roll my eyes and keep an emotionless face on. At this point all the attention from the boys is on me.

“Hey. Can we talk?” In the corner of my eye I can see Remus and James glance at each other and look worriedly at Sirius. Yeah. They know better.

“Uhh. Sure. About what?” This time I rolled my eyes. I ignore his question and grab his hand before dragging him up to his dorm.

We enter and I close the door before leaning on it. He goes and sits on the foot on his bed.

“What do you want to talk about? We were in the middle of planning.” Bouncing his knee, I can tell he’s getting impatient and just wants this to hurry up and be done with this. I get even more annoyed at this.

“What do you want to talk about? We were in the middle of planning.”- I mocked him- “This is exactly what I’m talking about! You’re always busy! Doing this and doing that!” I start to raise my voice. My face starts to heat up due to my anger. I try to calm down but it doesn’t seem to be working.

He opens his mouth to say something but I cut him off,

“Where were you today?! I was waiting for you! For our date that YOU literally planned!” His eyes widened with realization and looked at me with a guilty face. But I’m too pissed off to care.

My eyes start to water with tears of frustration but I’m nowhere near done,

“Everytime I want to hang out you’re always busy with your friends and pranks! You never have time for me anymore!” At this point tears are streaming down my face and Sirius doesn’t look that far behind.

“This is the third date you missed! Because you forgot! I’m done with being second best. Im probably not even that!” He has his head down, hands on his knees.

“I—I-I” he stutters out what I think is going to be some wack apology. But I’m done. I can’t do it anymore.

“No. I’m done.” As soon as I said those words his head shot up fast and looked at me with wide eyes.

“No-” he goes to protest but I cut him off again.

“No I can’t do this. Not anymore. This has gone on for too long. You need to fix your priorities. I hope you don’t treat another girl like this. I’m breaking up with you, Sirius.” I don’t wait for a reply and I simply walk out of the door and walk back down to the common room, wiping my tears.

They keep telling me to let go

As I make it to the common room I notice the boys are still there. They see me and go to talk but a loud sound cuts them off. Items getting thrown around, is what I guessed it to be.

We all freeze and guilt washes over me. It’s Sirius.

But I don’t really let go when I say so

I turn my head to the staircase with a sad expression before brushing it off.

I had to. I deserve better. I thought to myself.

I look over to the boys to see that they have worried but knowing expressions on their faces. I gave them weak smiles and walked away to my dorm.

I keep giving people blank stares

Drama travels fast around here at Hogwarts. So it wasn’t long until word got out that infamous Sirius Black was single again and back on the market.

My friends are starting to get worried about me because of my reaction to the breakup, or lack thereof. I know how to keep my emotions buried. I know it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism but I refuse to be sad over a boy who treated me like shit.

I’m so different when your not there

What they don’t know is that I cry myself to sleep. Everyday. I close my curtains around my bed and put a silencing spell around it and sob. For hours. It’s pretty sad.

But I keep my neutral face on for everyone else. From what I know Sirius isn’t doing much better. He’s just more open about his broken heart. Lily tells me he mopes around and doesn’t speak much anymore. Let alone prank anyone.

Everytime she tells me about him being sad it makes me want to run out the room and find him to cuddle with him and kiss him and apologize profusely for the break up.

But I remind myself that it’s not my fault and that I deserve better.

It’s like something out of Shakespeare

Because I’m really not here when you’re not there

I tried to fight our energy

It's been three months since the break up and I have developed some pretty bad habits.

I’ve secretly been drinking to numb the pain. I know it’s not healthy but I can’t seem to stop.

Once all my roommates are sleeping I drink by myself on my bed. It helped in the beginning but now I can’t stop.

I’ve perfected my fake smile so no one could tell the difference. Well one person did, but I was unaware.

I’m in a deep depression and I have no one to talk to. None of my friends know, I can’t tell them. They won’t understand.

Meanwhile,

“Pads, you can’t keep moping around. She’s moved on, you should too.”

“No, I can’t. I still love her.” Sirius said but due to him being face first on his pillow it came out muffled.

“Well then you’re going to have to work your way to get her back. Show her you’ve changed.” The werewolf suggested to his friend.

“Really?” He picks his head up to face his friends, red and puffy eyes with a hopeful expression.

They nod.

But everytime I think I’m free

As the weeks pass I start to receive notes and letters with little flowers attached to them. I know they are from Sirius but I can’t seem to open them and read. It’s too hard and I’m not ready yet.

You get high and call on the regular

Once I reach my empty dorm I run to my trunk and collect all the saved letters. I place them on my bed and chuck my shoes off before climbing on my bed while getting comfortable.

I sort the letter from how I received them. I slowly open the first one,

Dear y/n,

Looking at us now I regret a lot of things.

I don’t blame you for not seeing us together in the future.

I was horrible, but for you I am willing to change. No. I will change.

You deserve so much better and if you let me I could be that person.

But I have to fix myself in order for that to happen.

If you're willing I would love to have another chance.

forever yours,

Sirius

As I finish reading my eyes are cloudy with tears. I continue to read all of the letters.

And by the end of it I’m sobbing.

I get weak and fall like a teenager

I knew it was a bad idea to read those letters. Because after that I am ready to run back into his arms and express my love. But I can’t until I know that he’s changed.

I deserve better. I keep telling myself that.

Why, oh why does God keep bringing me back to you?

Everytime I see him now I try to avoid him. Everytime he’s in a room, I leave. Everytime class is over I run out before he gets the chance to talk to me.

Because I know if I take one look into his beautiful stormy gray eyes I will fall all over again. And that can’t happen.

I deserve better.

I get drunk, pretend that I’m over it

It’s Friday night and today is the big Gryffindor party. Being stressed with liquor and drugs is not a good combo but I haven’t been safe these past couple of months.

I’m in my dorm room getting ready. I decide on a natural glam look with a bold red lip and a black satin body con dress with some black heels.

As I’m walking down the stairs, I can hear the music blasting and the red led lights are turned on. I part from my friends and immediately head to the liquor table. As I’m walking I fail to notice the pair of eyes following my every move.

I take a plastic red cup and I fill it up with the hardest liquor I could find on the table. After downing the cup I refill it and make my way over to my friends who are currently in the corner smoking what the muggles call ‘weed’. It’s strong but it helps me relax. Who knew muggle were so helpful.

Self-destruct, show up like an idiot

About an hour into the party everyone was either high, drunk or both. Which I was. Again me with my unhealthy coping mechanisms.

I ended up dancing in the middle of the room with a huge group of people. I feel eyes on me but I’m too drunk to care at the moment.

As I’m dancing I feel someone come up behind me and grab my hips. I turn around to see a random 7th year boy. He begins to trail his hands on my body.

He leans down to whisper in my ear,

“How about we go to my down, sweetheart?” His hot breath makes a shiver run down my spine, and not in a good way.

I began to shake my head while saying no but he clearly didn’t get the message because he gripped my wrists and tried to pull me with him. But because I was too drunk I couldn’t defend myself properly.

As I continue to struggle I see a person step in front of me, glaring at the boy,

“I suggest you let her go. Now.” I heard a familiar voice, I couldn’t tell who from my drunken state. Once the person turned around a smile involuntarily appeared on my face,

“Siri! Hi!” I giggled as he guided me away from everyone.

“Hi. Let’s get you somewhere safe.” He picks me up bridal style and starts to carry me up to the boys dorms and to his room.

I yawned and cuddled up into his chest,

“I’m still mad at you.” I mumbled. He set me down on his bed and goes to his trunk to take out some clothes,

“I know.” He said, sadly. As he’s helping me I go on a mini rant,

“You know you treated me horrible. I just wanted my boyfriend but you never made time for me. You missed dates, you cancelled on me a lot. And whenever we had time together alone you had to leave early. I just wanted you to give me your love and attention. But I was never a priority. I miss you so much, Siri.” After he tucks me into his bed he kisses my forehead and responds,

“I miss you too, baby.” He goes to walk away but I grab his hand. Which makes him turn around and give me a questioning look,

“Please stay.” I pout. He smiles and climbs into the bed with me. I turn to look at him,

“Cuddles?” I ask him with puppy eyes.

“Cuddles.” I snuggle up next to him with my head on his chest and my legs bunched up with his. He puts his chin on top of my head and begins to play with my hair.

“You know, I still love you. And I’m willing to give you a second chance, Siri.” I can’t see him but I can tell he has a huge grin on his face.

“I love you too, pup. Go to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning.” I start to drift off but before I do fully I feel him kiss my forehead again and whisper ‘I love you’ one last time before the darkness engulfed me.

Why, oh why does God keep bringing me back to you?

****

Taglist: @blackpinkdolan

If you want to be added to my taglist for this series message me or comment under the post.

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miraeluc · 3 years

Text

you’re suffering alone

prompt: “kageyama knows you as his little ray of sunshine, but what does he do when he finds out how you really feel?”

pairing: kageyama x female! reader

word count: 3k

warnings: MAJOR tw!!! depression, again major tw self harm, reader cries a lot when kageyama finds out, reader’s mom is dead lol i went all out

genre: fluff, angst

you were always their little ray of sunshine

when you first joined the school a year ago and introduced yourself all excitedly

hinata ran to tanaka after that class

“we need to convince her to be our manager!!!!”

tanaka was down lol

it didn’t take long to convince you, you were looking for extracurricular activities to engage in anyway

the conversation went a bit like this

“y/n-san! do you want to be karasuno’s volleyball team manager?”

“sure!”

“we swear it- did you just say yes?”

“...yes”

cue tanaka and hinata screaming

after you became their manager it didn’t take you and kageyama too long to fall in love either

he adored the good vibes you brought with in any room you stepped in and you enjoyed the calmness that came with him (except when hinata’s around to annoy him, pretty boy radiates ᵃⁿᵍʸ energy then lol)

poor boy didn’t know that what he felt towards you until he had the whole team screaming at him to ask you out

so he did

and so you ended up here, 10 months into dating kageyama and 12 months into being karasuno’s manager along with kiyoko and hitoka

everyone found it a little weird that you were always the one to stay the longest out of everyone, but everyone assumed it was just because you genuinely enjoyed being there

which you did, don’t get me wrong

that just wasn’t the only reason.

no one actually knew why you had changed schools in the middle of the year

every time someone asked you pushed it off, claiming your old school just wasn’t working out and started babbling about how much you love being at this school and how glad you are to have found real friends like them

“time for a break, i brought food!!”

you held the bags of food up, getting tackled in a gross sweaty hug by nishinoya

“it’s like you heard my stomach calling out for you, y/n!!! you’re my saviour!!!”

you immediately laughed

“i know, noya, now get off, you’re sweaty” you cringed a little and he got off, a little offended but he quickly forgot about it and snatched the bags

you were all sat on the ground, everyone eating quietly when hinata started complaining about his mother nagging him to focus a little more on studying

that’s how everyone started talking about their mothers, somehow everyone having a little to complain about

“what ‘bout you, y/n? you have nothing to remark about your mom like our little crybabies here?” daichi looked at you

everyone whined at that,, “we’re not babies!!”

you tensed up at the question before relaxing and smiling

“nope! my mom is perfect.” you giggled

“woah, i wish!! you need to introduce me to your mom, y/n!!”

noya was very invested in your mom being perfect, lol

you see

kageyama here is very observant, whether it be on the court or just, well, people in general

he saw you tense up for that split-second, not pressing it further

he knows you most likely aren’t ready to talk about it

now that he thinks about it, you never talk about your family

he’d love to know but he understands that you’ll come to him when you’re ready to tell him and he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by nagging you about it

“i’ll introduce you to her, noya” you giggled

his face lit up and he nodded before the topic changed again and you could now also speak to them about how annoying and hard math class is

fr tho i hate math

after they were done eating no one could move anymore, let alone practice

hinata tried

keyword tried

he threw up....

no one else even wanted to practice after that - opting to clean up and end practice for today instead

“kageyama, ill head out a bit early today, i’ve got some stuff to do” you said

you startled the shit out of him because he was just bringing the last volleyball to the cart

“HO- oh.” he stopped himself from screaming and turned to you

“alright, just take care..” he mumbled, ruffling your hair which made you whine and fix it

you hate when he does that

he thinks your reaction is adorable

you scoffed and pulled him down to your height to plant a little kiss on his cheek

he blushed, pda isnt for him

you loved his soft side so much

nonetheless he smiled at you and straightened up again

“call me if anything happens” he cleared his throat

baby was a little awkward with stuff like this

you didn’t mind though

you nodded and smiled “will do!”

and off you were lol

hinata then popped up infront of kageyama

“what’d you do to her!?!?!?! she never leaves early!!!!!!!”

kageyama pushed him away by the head

“she just has stuff to do, shut up.”

“hey, mom..” you smiled lightly as you sat down

“nishinoya is really looking forward to meeting you! the whole team asked about you today.. today was an ok day, i was pretty distracted all day so i didn’t have the time to feel sad again.”

...

you sighed

“but, you know, it’s been getting harder lately. it seems that getting out of bed to get to school is getting harder.. i love making everyone happy, but it’s hard being the provider and never getting something in return. sometimes, when things get hard, i just want to drop everything. i want to stop acting so bubbly and happy, but i know you wouldn’t want me to lose my smile.”

you stood up

“i’ll get going then, i love you.”

you placed the flowers down on the grave before you, staring down at it with a sad smile before making your way home, yet again

the next day you showed up to school as you usually did, taking your seat next to kageyama after greeting him like usual

you were having a conversation with hinata

it was too early for kageyama to speak

everyone was confused when you didn’t show up to practice that day

kags(｡◝‿◜｡) , 2:47pm: are you not coming to practice?

y/n, 2:49pm: no baby, i’m sorry :( i really can’t tODAY, im so upset over it

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:50pm: did something happen?

kags(｡◝‿◜｡), 2:53pm: y/n?

y/n, 3.26pm: nope, i just have some stuff to do at home (╥﹏╥)

the next day you showed up like usual again, this time attending practice too

just like that the days seemed to go by in a blur for you

day by day you felt yourself breaking more

day by day the scars on your hips multiplied

and day by day it got a little harder to make the room light up when you stepped inside

it was after practice and it was only you, nishinoya and kageyama left

“hey, y/n, can i finally meet your mom today??”

he was pressing around so much about it

you smiled and shrugged,

“sure, i bet she doesn’t mind a visit”

“can i come too?” kageyama asked timidly and you nodded

“of course.. it’s about time.” you smiled

your eyes were a little glassy

he frowned

nishinoya was too busy getting excited over meeting the first ever perfect mother to notice and he began dragging you out “let’s go then!”

he was pulling you to the direction of your place before you abruptly stopped

“ah-ah, i didn’t say i still live with her, did I?”

you had both boys confused now and you started walking into the right direction

you intertwined your fingers with kageyama’s

he squeezed your hand a little

he knew you needed a little support

only did he not expect you to lead them to the cemetery

nishinoya’s smile dropped when you actually entered the cemetery

he saw it but he expected you to walk past

you stopped in front of your mothers grave

“there she is.” you let out a sigh

kageyama felt his heart drop

“wait, y/n, i’m so sorry for pressing this so mu-”

kageyama pulled you in a tight hug, shaking his head at the boy, who now went quiet

he felt so horrible

you were trying so hard to hold your tears back, looking at noya

“don’t worry, you didn’t know.”

you still smiled at him

kageyama then spoke

“it’s best if you go home, don’t you think?”

he didn’t even sound angry at this point

nishinoya nodded and left

he really felt so bad

you couldn’t hold back and broke out in tears after

this was the first time you cried in front of your boyfriend

he didn’t expect it to hurt this much

hearing your little sobs break through you

he could feel his own heart breaking as he tightened the hug

neither of you said anything

he just let you cry into his chest

he didn’t need to tell you he was there for you with words

he told you through gently patting your back as you cried

he told you through not judging you when you cried like this

even when it started raining and the rain was slowly seeping through both of your clothes he didnt loosen his grip on you

he let you finish crying

however long it took

and when you finally looked up at him, only the moon’s light illuminating your face, he felt his heart break, again, at the sight of your puffy eyes and red nose

he wanted to protect you from all bad things, forever.

“gosh, i’m sorry, it took me so long to stop crying..”

he shook his head and pecked your forehead quickly “no. you didn’t.”

“..is this why you always avoided talking about your mother?”

you nodded, looking down at her grave, the flowers you placed there two days ago already droopy

you then looked up at him again

“thank you, for.. supporting me..”

nishinoya apologised about 27 times when he saw you

you kept reassuring him that it was alright but he felt so bad

he felt so bad he couldn’t even properly play that day

daichi sent him home early

“come back when you dont have two left legs!!!”

practice ended soon after that anyway

you sat on a bench, filling out the last bits of your homework so you didnt have to do it at home, not even noticing that it was just you and kageyama left until he called out to you

“hey, y/n, mind throwing me some balls? i’m not tired yet and i want to keep practicing”

you happily helped

you admired his determination to get better daily

it was refreshing, seeing him so passionate about volleyball

how couldn’t you help when he asked like that

that’s how he was now practicing as you were talking

“can you come over tonight?”

you furrowed your brows

“but it’s a school night?”

he shrugged “i don’t care. you haven’t been at my place for three entire weeks! i only see you at school, i miss you.” he was honest

he really missed you and he wanted to know what was up with your lame excuses every time he asked

you then nodded

“alright then, i’ll come.”

whilst he was busy drinking water you tried ‘passing’ the ball (at which you horribly failed)

“look, i’m a better setter than you!”

he chased you down lol

you took him by surprise when he finally caught you, grabbing onto your hips, followed by a loud intake of breath and a wince from you

fuck

well

he obviously immediately let go

“y/n. what’s wrong?”

you sighed and turned towards him

“um.. i.. hit my hip earlier today..?” you trailed off and he immediately knew that you were lying

honestly, he kind of had an idea of what it was

he just didn’t want to think of that possibility

he might be a bit slow, but he’s not stupid

he has a slight idea why you haven’t been coming over

he notices how the circles under your eyes have gotten darker

he notices how you sleep in classes, which is something you never do

and he’s so, so worried

but he’s scared to approach you

he’s scared to confirm his worst fears

he shook his head at you “don’t lie.”

you sighed softly “kageyama, it’s nothing.”

you avoided his gaze and he shook his head again, now unable to hold back from speaking

“no, y/n. you’re not okay, i know you’re not. i know that you struggle every day and i know you don’t like speaking about it, but i just can’t keep watching you suffer in silence, i do give you your space, but not when it truly concerns your well-being to the point i cant touch you or see you as often as i’d like to!”

he stopped and took a deep breath, shaking his head

“let’s go home first, i want to talk about this in a place i can do more for you.”

you were speechless

you never had expected him to notice anything, let alone speak up about it

you were so lost in thought you let him drag you to his room quietly

you snapped back to reality when he was unlocking his door, walking inside when it was open - you following

you sat on his bed, still not knowing what to say

how the tables turn, usually its kageyama being the quiet one and you being the one to fill the silence with unnecessary babbling lol

he looked at you, uncertainty swimming in his eyes

“can i see?”

you immediately knew what he was talking about, looking down

you pondered over it a little before nodding

he crouched down before you, looking up at you

“you know you can trust me, right?”

you furrowed your brows “of course”

“you don’t need to hide your feelings from me, baby, i love you through all of your emotional states, i love seeing you happy but i like comforting you when you feel sad too, you mustn’t hide your feelings.”

your eyes filled with tears at that one sentence

i love you through all of your emotional states

“thank you..” you sniffled

“i mean it. it hurts me when you hide it, it makes me feel so helpless, i don’t want to watch you crumble before my eyes, please, talk to me..”

“i just feel so hopeless, kags.. my heart feels so dull lately.”

you finally let in

“it feels like every single day repeats itself and all of my responsibilities are so hard to fulfill..it’s so hard turning up to school, bringing positive energy with me when all i feel is my sadness taking over my entire self bit by bit.”

he was listening, now sat on the floor before you, chin resting on your knee as you spoke

“but you’re not responsible for anyone’s happiness except yours. i don’t like when you prioritise others before yourself, y/n.. i don’t say it often but you’re truly so important to me and i don’t want you to lose yourself only because you try to make others happy.. it isn’t worth it, we love you for you, i can assure you, no one from our group would judge you for feeling down, we all have bad days, gosh, we all have bad weeks or even months! hiding these feelings will only worsen your pain and lead you to.. do irrational things..” he said, fingertips tracing over your hip gently

“let me see first and then we’ll talk about how we’re fixing this, ok?”

you sniffled and nodded, letting him pull the side of your pants down enough to reveal to him what he feared most

seeing the cuts scattered on your skin broke him, truly.

he gulped and stood up, leaving to get you a pair of his shorts

“put these on, this way i can tend to them better.” he said, wanting to clean it up first before telling you his thoughts about it

you nodded and changed into the shorts, him trying not to break down there and then as he left to get some stuff

when he came back you were patiently waiting for him and let him clean the cuts with some alcohol (not without complaining at the stings) before he bandaged them up as best as he could

he then laid down and pulled you with him, hugging you

“oh my precious y/n..” he mumbled

he was hugging your head to his chest to hide the fact that he was tearing up

he wanted to help you so bad but he knew exactly that he couldn’t just end your suffering and it hurt him

“but why? why do you do that to yourself?”

his voice cracked when he asked and you looked up, realisation hitting you

you hurt him so bad by doing this.

the person you loved and cherished most

“it felt like the only escape”

he caressed the top of your head

“pressuring you into stopping won’t help and isn’t worth it, but please, when you feel like.. doing that, call me instead. i’ll be at your place in no time and- even if you don’t want to talk i can just hug you and keep you company-”

you cut him off by pressing your lips against his

“i will, baby. i’ll call you whenever i feel down from now on”

he nodded “thank you”

he was thanking you as if he wasn’t the one helping you right now

you now hugged him back, “i’m sorry for not saying earlier..”

he hummed “lets just lay here. you’ll get better, i promise.”

he kept his promise

ever since that day, he’s been calling you morning and night, making sure you felt good waking up and going to bed

he often called you through entire nights

he made you slowly start to understand that your purpose wasn’t to make anyone happy but yourself

he made you realise you were more than a mere person that’s always happy

and he made you understand that showing your feelings wasnt something to be embarrassed about

(the entire team was very supportive too when they found out you were struggling! kageyama didn’t explain the details though)

so yep.

you had kageyama and a bunch of friends that were supporting you

and for the first time, you felt hopeful for the future, your mother watching over you proudly after years of struggling and even having to move schools for a fresh start

she could now rest easily, knowing your guardian angel found his way to you and won’t ever leave you.

a/n: YALL I MADE MYSELF EMO WITH THIS ONE:( i hope you enjoyed it & please leave comments about it!

239 notes · View notes

mieohmy · 3 years

Text

𝗌𝗐𝖾𝖾𝗍 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗈𝗎𝗋 | 𝗃𝖾𝗈𝗇 𝗐𝗈𝗇𝗐𝗈𝗈

PAIRING: CEO boss! jeon wonwoo x secretary! reader

GENRE: fluff, angst, humor, office au

WC: 5k (whoops got carried away- i mean its wonwoo)

NOTES: mentions of death, depression

SUMMARY: you loved being a secretary, the work and stress included. but your ‘stone cold’ boss was really testing your limits in more ways than one. alternatively, who knew mighty CEO jeon wonwoo was such a softie?

update: part two can be found here !

update 2: final part → here

❋

“Yes, sir. Also, the opening ceremony is today at 7pm. Would you like me to set up your chauffeur?” The man nods. “Yes, make sure to finish the layout for tomorrow. And the catalog by Thursday. That’s all, you’re dismissed.” You bow politely before turning and exiting his office.

You take two steps forward before displaying a scowl and muttering, “never get a break. not even a thank you. just wait, jeon wonwoo, one day i-“ “Y/n!” A voice snaps you out of your trance, spotting Seungkwan walking your way.

Greeting him, you ask, “What’s up?” “We’re getting food tonight. Team dinner at 7. Can you make it?” he says. You sigh before replying apologetically, “Sorry.... boss wants me to finish something up for tomorrow.”

Seungkwan taps his feet in disapproval. “The CEO is still giving you more work? When will that man ever let you have a break?” You grit your teeth, attempting to smile. Seungkwan stares at the CEO's office.

“Y/n, you work the hardest out of all of us, and you have to deal with him every day. If there’s anyone who deserves a rest, it’s you. Our team’s planning on going to the beach on the weekend since we have Friday off. You should join us. It’ll be really fun!“

Contemplating for a moment, you’re about to accept before you suddenly remember what Friday is, eyes widening. Turning to Seungkwan, you smile sadly. “I really-like you don’t even know-really want to go, but I have something really important on Friday. I’m so sorry.” He nods, reassuring you it’s fine. “Well, you can join us on Saturday then!”

You bow, biting your lip as you continue on. You totally forgot what day Friday was.

❋

The rest of your shift was rough. Wonwoo, AKA your horrible boss, didn’t seem to want to give you a break. The past few weeks had been very tightly packed with the upcoming debut, and although you understood it was very important, sometimes it felt like your boss didn’t know you were human too.

Waking up at 5 am, driving to his place and setting up, and then getting to work was exhausting. Not to mention the late nights working on assignments. It all came with being a secretary, but recently, you didn’t know if you could keep going. Maybe it had something to do with your boss’s attitude as well.

Jeon Wonwoo, CEO of one of the largest writing and printing companies. Exactly how you expect. Handsome, cold, quiet. You’re pretty sure he’s rejected more than a hundred women who attempted to ask him out. What did he even do for fun? Lame word searches?

When you first started working as his secretary, you had at least one breakdown a day. Everything you did was wrong, Wonwoo’s ‘redo it again’, echoing in your mind. He never cared about your feelings, just your work. You needed the job to help your family since it had good pay, and your siblings were focused on school. So it was up to you to provide for your family that you weren’t even close with.

You and your coworkers loved to complain about wonwoo’s cold attitude and the workload he gave out. Sure he was handsome, but it didn’t matter to you since his attitude was such a shutdown. You blamed him for not having a social life or a boyfriend, but of course, he didn’t care.

That just made you want to work even harder. You stayed up countless nights practicing, studying to be perfect. Until Wonwoo tolerated you. Everyone knew you as Jeon Wonwoo’s longest secretary. It wasn’t easy work, but it made you feel proud, and you were able to push through working for him.

At least before recently. Wonwoo was extremely busy with the preparations, and so were you. You understood, he was stressed, but was taking it out on you okay? You really contemplated quitting, but this time of the year was extremely important, so you would have to wait until after the new debut passed. I mean, you were kind enough to start the resignation after finishing the event, unlike another person you knew.

Wonwoo calls you into his office late that night, the floor almost empty. You walk in, carrying the same tea you always brought at the now perfected temperature. Setting it down, you bow before asking, “you called for me, Mr. Jeon?” You can tell he’s frustrated by his ruffled hair and wrinkled collar. Your fingers itch, wanting to fix it.

“Finish the chart for tomorrow. I want you to adjust my schedule since father’s coming by. Cancel everything before 10.” You tense, feeling the frustration course through you. “But sir, I already got all the-“ “I don’t care, change it. You can go now.” You tightly bow and leave, fuming in anger.

❋

You’re not surprised you only got three hours of sleep. It was a regular thing these days. Groaning, you get ready as usual like every day, the schedule drilled into your brain. You grab a shirt, frowning as you remember the one time Mr. Jeon called your fashion taste revolting and ordered you to a complete wardrobe change.

It was finally Friday, the day you were anticipating the whole week. Also the one day you got off from work early and seeing Mr. Jeon’s face. You couldn’t wait until 5 when you were done and could prepare for later. The whole week was awful, you’re pretty sure you looked like a raccoon with the amount of sleep you got.

You’re typing furiously at your desk when Seokmin comes by. His footsteps alert you. “Oh, hey Seokmin. What’s up?” He grins. “Did Seungkwan tell you about what we’re doing later today?” You attempt to smile. “Yeah, I’m sorry I can’t make it. I’m busy later. Can’t wait to get off.” He claps, rubbing his hands together. “It’s alright. Don’t work too hard.”

You smile, winking. “Don’t worry. And try not to have too much fun without me!” The buzzing on your desk interrupts you, causing you to groan. “What does he want now?”

Walking in, you find Wonwoo signing documents. He doesn’t even look up as he says, “I need you to complete the finalizing documents right now.” You pause, processing the information. “Wait, but those will take me at least four hours. My shift ends in one.”

He finally looks up, face devoid of any emotion. “Well, that’s your job. You’re expected to do it.” You feel your heart speed up, tightening your hands into fists. You respond shakily, “I’m sorry sir, but there’s something really important I have to do tonight. I can get Mr. Lee to finish it. Can’t you let me go this once?”

“But why? You’re supposed to do what I ask?” His voice sounds annoyed, bored even. You scoff, feeling your eyes burn. “Those last couple of weeks I’ve been doing everything you asked, even more. Don’t you think I deserve a break?”

“You signed up to be my secretary. What kind of breaks do you expect? Things are very tense with the new debut now, so don’t expect me to take pity and let you go just because you did what I said,” Wonwoo retorts.

That was it.

You hated yourself. You hated yourself for snapping. But at the same time, you didn’t.

You slam your papers on the table, shaking. “I work basically 24/7, every day, running errands for you and doing everything you tell me.” Your voice cracks, and you feel hot tears run down your face.

“And you don’t even have the respect to treat me like a human being? I wake up immediately thinking about what you’re going to make me do for the rest of the day.” A sob escapes you.

Wiping your tears angrily, you continue to stare at him with wide, furious eyes. “I go to sleep thinking about what I have to do for you the next day. But you don’t even thank me. Not once. No appreciation when I try to impress you and go above and beyond. And then you won’t even let me have one break? I don’t even get vacations or holidays off!”

You sniffle, body shaking, as you let the words sink in. “I signed up to be a secretary, not disrespected.” And with that, you walk out with tears pouring down your face, grabbing as much of your stuff as you can and leaving, ignoring the shocked whispers and startled questions.

❋

Once you get home, you slap yourself. What did you just do? What did you just say to your boss? Oh god, ex-boss now. You’re dead. Officially. You feel numb like you just watched a confusing movie and were trying to process everything.

You want to bury yourself in the ground. Or become a rock. That’d be way nicer than being yourself right now.

But you have to continue on. You don’t even care if you’re going out wearing sweats and a hoodie. He wouldn’t care. After buying everything, you drive to the spot. You pass blurs, barely paying attention as you blankly stare at the road.

Once you get out, you feel the drops, glancing up. You didn’t realize it was raining while you were driving. You let the water pour over you, making your way to the familiar stone.

Stopping in front, you sink to your knees.

“Dad...I’m so sorry I’m late. Can you believe I basically threw a tantrum in front of my boss? Well, ex-boss?” Laughing weakly, you wipe the tears you didn’t notice had run down your face. “I don’t have a job anymore, that’s for sure.”

You look around, your whole body soaked now. Softly, you arrange the flowers neatly in front of his grave. “Are you still proud of me dad?” You smile weakly, adjusting yourself comfortably on the cold wet ground. “I’m so sorry... happy anniversary, still. Another year passed. How are you?”

❋

You spend days at home, never leaving your bed, only allowing yourself to mope about your life. Your phone is spammed with texts and calls. Probably from coworkers, you figured. You didn’t have enough energy to respond.

You sighed for the millionth time. Everyone had probably heard about your childish rant in wonwoo's office. How could you let yourself break like that? No one had contacted you and deemed you officially fired, but you knew it the moment you opened your mouth. Maybe finally going outside and getting snacks would cheer you up.

Cringing, you saw yourself in the mirror. Just like someone who got broken up with by their partner. I mean, it’s not like you had a job anymore or anyone to impress, so you just shrugged and went out for the first in a while.

Entering the store, you walk down an aisle, glancing at the options. You’re squatting, choosing between banana or strawberry when you spot movement in the corner of your vision. It’s just a man looking at the ice cream, but it’s what he’s wearing that catches your attention.

You raise an eyebrow. Who goes to a mart in a full suit and tie like that? Scoffing internally, you bite the inside of your cheek. Ha, he looks like- The man suddenly turns, and you can never mistake that face.

BEKDJRE WHAT IS MR. JEON DOING HERE?? You whip your head back, hoping, praying, that he doesn’t recognize you in your horrible clothes. Your heart pounding loudly, you stand up, deciding just to get the heck out of there before-

Oh ****. Why does he have to stand right next to you?

You internally freak out, don’t make eye contact I swear to god y/n if you do you’ll-

“What do you recommend? Melon or banana?” You recognize his deep voice and freeze. Is he talking to you? Maybe he doesn’t know who you are??

Facing away from him, you respond in a croaky, low voice. “U-uh banana?” You catch him nodding in the corner of your eye.

Time to escape. You turn, briskly walking away until a hand abruptly grabs your wrist, preventing you from leaving. Panicking, you don’t move, not wanting to expose your identity. What does this man want??

The hand on your wrist doesn’t loosen, instead, it tightens and spins you around until you’re face to face with him. Your now-former boss, Jeon Wonwoo.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t have an angry look on his face. Instead, he simply says, “Y/n, I know it’s you. It seemed like you when you walked in. And the fact that you chose banana instead of melon for me because you know I hate melon confirms it.”

You open your mouth before lamely responding, “Could’ve been a lucky guess?”

❋

You would’ve never expected yourself to be outside a grocery mart at 1 am with jeon wonwoo.

Awkwardly shuffling on your feet, you watched as wonwoo paid for your treats. He insisted on it for some reason, and you knew you couldn’t beat him when he looked at you with that face. Chills ran down your spine whenever you thought about it.

When he finishes, you walk side by side out the door, a silence between the two of you. You wait a couple seconds before you can’t take it anymore.

You quickly fall to your knees in front of him, head down as you plead, “Please forgive me, Mr. Jeon. I-I didn’t mean anything I said. I was just extremely stressed- I completely understand if you never want to see my face again, although I’m not sure why you confronted me today and bought stuff for me but it doesn’t matter anymore- It was completely rude of me, and I just hope you’ll accept my apology.” Finishing your ramble, you keep your head bowed and eyes squeezed shut as you await his response.

You almost don’t notice it, it was so gentle. Wonwoo’s hand slowly reaches forward and tilts your chin up, and you don’t realize your heart speeding up. He squats in front of you, his face seems surprisingly amused.

You would’ve never expected the words that came out of his mouth next, either.

“I’m sorry, y/n. I realized the workload I put on you, and it wasn’t wrong of you to burst out on me. I’m afraid I’m not good with words, but after you disappeared, I realized how much you do for the office. Truly, I appreciate your hard work. Hopefully, you can come back to work once you feel fit.”

You stare at him, processing the words that the CEO of one of the biggest printing companies just said.

You stay still, eyes still boring into his until you’re finally able to break out of it. You abruptly stand up, dusting yourself off. You breathe a sigh of relief, muttering, “thank you for not firing me.” You clap your hand over your mouth, surprised eyes moving to look at wonwoo.

You watch as wonwoo’s lips slowly turn up, letting out a quiet chuckle. You blink. Did he just laugh? Like fr? Oh my god, you have to tell Seungkwan. His voice interrupts you. “I should drive you back to your place, it’s getting late.”

Your eyes widen in shock. Shaking your head, you reply, “oh no, it’s fine. I’ll walk home. It’s not far.” He insists, and of course, you aren’t able to say no.

It’s an awkward drive as you direct your boss to your apartment. Once you arrive, you quickly thank him, and he smiles. What the-

“Well, I hope to see you soon at work, secretary y/n.”

You can only nod, dumbfounded. You had never seen him smile before, and it was kinda nice.

You numbly wave goodbye as he drives off, entering your apartment and crashing into bed.

❋

After two days, you’re back in action. The second the elevator doors open, a swarm of people rushed up to you. You stand there as people begin talking, asking questions. You feel like a celebrity being interviewed by paparazzi.

You take a step forward, pushing past everyone. It didn’t feel right to have to answer their questions. You settle at your office, politely asking people to stop asking. Eventually, the crowd leaves.

You’re unpacking the stuff you took home in a blaze of anger when you hear footsteps approach. Sighing, you turn around. “I’m sorry, I don’t- ..Dokyeom?”

“Y/n!!! What the frick happened? All we know is that you stormed out of the building and didn’t come back for a week!! And with our project, things were going crazy without you...”

Grimacing, you say, “I know, I know, I’m sorry. It’s stupid, but I’m back for real now. Promise. I’ll explain it all later, I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.”

Dokyeom sighs, giving you one last ‘you better not forget’ before leaving you.

It takes hours, but you’re finally able to get wonwoo’s schedule up to date. You check the time. Shoot. Wonwoo usually expects tea at this time.

You quickly run over to the drink station, hoping no one comes up to you. You glance around, mostly everyone’s focused on their work and staring at their computer screens.

You’re pouring the hot water when a familiar voice calls your name. Turning, Wonwoo comes into view. You immediately jump, causing the hot water to splash onto your hand.

Letting out a hiss of pain, you drop the cup. The sound alerts the workers in the room, most beginning to notice your presence.

Wonwoo quickly walks over to you, gently taking your hands in his. “Are you alright?” You gape at him, and you’re pretty sure everyone else in the room is dumbfounded too. Whispers immediately break out.

You snatch your hands from him and quickly bow. “I’m fine, thank you, sir.” Forgotten tea, you dash to the bathroom. Huffing, you place your hands on the sink.

What happened to your boss and why do you kinda like it? The feeling of his warm hands over yours causes you to shiver. You punch the sink, grumbling.

“Ughh seriously, what’s wrong with this guy? I yell at him and suddenly he becomes this nice guy? And then in front of everyone too?”

❋

It doesn’t stop after that. For days, jeon wonwoo would somehow make his way to you and act all nice. Sometimes in front of others, and sometimes when it’s just you two in his office. You would always feel hot and nervous afterward randomly.

It began spreading around the office. What happened to CEO Jeon and why did he become so nice to you? You heard some of the rumors, ‘probably slept together’ ‘did they find out some juicy secret about him? ..’

It was annoying, but you tried to ignore it. You were able to explain everything to doykeom and seungkwan. They were the only ones who knew about the late-night grocery mart trip and wonwoo’s sudden kindness.

You wanted to confront him, really. And you tried, but he would just say it was because you were his secretary that worked so hard for so long.

You wanted it to stop. You wanted it to stop cause you liked this side of him, and you didn’t want to admit it.

❋

It all changed one day when you received a text at work. From a number that you didn’t recognize. At first.

After reading it, you immediately shot up from your desk. Wonwoo came from his office, walking over to you, but you hurriedly made an excuse and ran out, leaving him surprised.

Groaning, you noticed the rain. Perfect timing... You braced yourself and ran through the pouring rain. You had to get there, no matter what. You were soaked, gasping for air, once you reached the stone.

They left. You stood there, staring down at it.

It was just you and the rain.

Until it wasn’t, anymore. You look up. It’s a black... umbrella? Spinning around, you come face to face with a suit. An extremely familiar one.

“M-mr. jeon?” He’s holding the umbrella and staring at you, but it feels like he’s looking into your soul.

You blink, eyes flicking down to the wet ground. It’s silent until he speaks up. “Why did you suddenly come here? Y/n?”

You slowly turn back to look at the plaque. “This is where my dad is,” you softly say. There’s a pause before wonwoo responds, “I’m so sorry.”

You laugh, shaking your head. “You don’t have to be sorry. This is why I blew up last Friday. I was supposed to be here that day.” You feel wonwoo tense next to you.

Before he can say anything, you face him. “It still doesn’t excuse my behavior. But.. why did you follow me?” He fumbles a bit before replying, “it was raining.. it wouldn’t be safe for you to go alone.”

You laugh, a pleasant sound ringing in wonwoo’s ears before saying, “thank you. And, I came here because of my family. You might not have known this, but I got this job to help them. After my father died, my mother became depressed and my siblings couldn’t do anything. So I had to get a job to support them.”

You bitterly smile before continuing, “I’m not even close with them. I was too busy working, and my mother was too busy moping. My siblings are busy with school, and I never see them anymore. It’s gotten to the point where I just pay their bills and don’t even speak to them. Ha, they finally contacted me to say they were gonna visit him today, can you believe it? And I missed them. As usual.”

Wonwoo looks down at his feet. “I never knew that about you... You’ve been working for me for years, and I didn’t know that.”

You shift. “What about you?” He turns to you, surprised. “Me?” You nod, “your family?” Wonwoo shuffles closer to you, causing you to unconsciously swallow.

“Well, I’m not very close with my family either. It was all work, preparing me to take over the business. I mostly grew up alone... and I didn’t really have many close relationships. Uh- well, you can most likely tell. Everyone in the office probably can too.”

You glance at him. He’s going back into his shell. The one he would always go into when he was stressed, scared, alone. You hesitate. “That’s okay, you don’t have to be close to everyone. It doesn’t hurt to be a little kinder, though. Not to be rude, but a lot of people in the office are.... a bit scared of you? To be honest, we were all a bit shocked when you started caring more. I was surprised. Um- but i-in a good way.”

Wonwoo stares at you with wide eyes as you focus back on the stone. A comfortable silence fills the air between the two of you. Standing there, hearing the sound of the pouring drops.

As the rain falls harder, you feel as if you have too.

❋

There’s an understanding, a deeper one between you and wonwoo after that day. You feel like you know him, even if it’s only a little more.

The CEO suddenly turns into a completely different person. To others, he may still seem like a cold boss, but to you, wonwoo’s an endearing introvert who’s obsessed with cats.

You were shocked, to say the least when wonwoo comes by your desk and shoves a phone in your face. You flinch before opening your eyes and staring at the screen. “Mr. Jeon..... why are you showing me a picture of a cat?”

“It’s cute. Isn’t it?” Laughing, you cover your mouth to hide a smile. “Yes sir, it sure is.”

He continues to show more of himself, and you find yourself falling deeper. For someone who you never expected. He has such a cold exterior to people around you, but once it’s just you two, he turns into such a softie.

Seungkwan confronts you one day. “Y/n, you have to explain. What is happening between you and CEO jeon??” You shake your head in response, but you feel heat creep up your neck.

“Seungkwannn, I told you already. He just helped me out, and I guess, I understand him a bit better now. He’s not bad, seriously.”

He lets out a small tch! “A week ago you were complaining about his nasty personality, and now you’re saying he’s not bad?”

You whine, clinging to his side. “Ahh, seriously I said it was nothing. Why won’t you believe me??” Someone clears their throat.

You and seungkwan turn. It’s wonwoo who else would it be. Immediately, seungkwan bows. “Sir!!” Wonwoo stands there, face passive. “Secretary y/n, come to my office.”

Seungkwan shoots you a look, leaving you to shrug and follow the CEO.

He offers you a seat, and you sit on the plush couch, waiting.

He shifts in his seat awkwardly, and you raise an eyebrow. “Why did you call me in, Mr. Jeon?”

He coughs before muttering, “are you close with him? Mr. Boo?” “You mean seungkwan? Oh, he’s my friend, that’s all. Why do you want to know? Are you jealous?” you tease.

But wonwoo only scratches his head. You’re about to apologize for going too far with the joke, but you can’t even respond after what he says. “Well, of course, I am. Cause I’m interested in you.”

Your mouth drops open. “What did you just say?” He looks at you, a serious expression on his face. “I want to go out with you. Truly.”

Heart beating faster, you internally panic. He just asked you out? He’s interested in you? What is going on?

“So? What’s your answer?” You snap out of it, glancing back at your boss, nervously shaking his leg. I mean, you enjoyed his presence. But he was your boss, the supposed cold and scary Jeon Wonwoo.. and also the one who still managed to infiltrate your mind.

“Um, yes. I will go out with you.”

❋

You find out and learn more and more sides to him. They all cause your heart to flutter harder and harder. He’s no longer just your boss, he’s someone you can trust, confide in.

You begged wonwoo not to tell anyone. All the dates happening in secret. Wonwoo was upset, originally. He wanted to tell people, to show you were his, but you firmly insisted on keeping it quiet. If people in the office found out, you would never hear the end of it.

You walk into wonwoo’s office one morning, carrying the itinerary for the week. Once he sees you, his eyes light up. He walks over to you, grabbing the file and throwing it on the desk somewhere.

You stare at him with wide eyes as he strides over to you, wrapping his arms around your body. There’s a second of peace and content, but you interrupt him, tensing and saying, “wonwoo- someone might see us.”

Even as you continue to shift and glance around to check, he sighs and rests his head on top of yours. “Secretary, can’t you just relax for a second? We’ve been working so much, we need a break.”

Letting out a huff, you allow yourself to melt into his embrace. “Two more minutes,” you mumble. Wonwoo leans down, so his face is inches from yours, a small grin displayed. You smile back, knowing what he wants.

You lean in, placing your lips on his. His mouth moves hungrily on yours, causing you to make a small sound of surprise.

Then there’s suddenly a knock, and you hear the door open. “CEO Jeon?”

You fly under his desk, squeezing your eyes shut and praying whoever it was didn't see you.

You wait there, attempting to muffle your breathing and keep still. You recognize the voice, it’s Mr. Choi Seungcheol. Vice President of the company. Why did he have to come at the worst time?

You hear the distinct sounds of their conversation for what seems to be forever before Mr. Choi finally bids him goodbye. Your body slumps in relief, waiting to get out from under his desk until you hear seungcheol suddenly speak again.

“Also, why is secretary y/l/n under your desk? I see their feet sticking out.” You silently curse yourself. Slowly and very ungracefully, you maneuver your way from under the desk. Standing up, you quickly smooth your clothes and hair. “Oh, ha, Mr. Choi. I had no idea you here. Um- well, you see...”

You quickly look at Wonwoo and back to Mr. Choi. Stammering, you finally say, “Mr. Jeon thought he saw a coach roach and called me in. Must’ve just imagined it.” You nervously laugh as wonwoo sheepishly nods in agreement.

Finally, he leaves the two of you, and you sit on the couch, biting your lip as you examine wonwoo’s expression.

“Was the coach roach your best excuse?”

You cringe. “I’m sorry-! I couldn’t think of anything else. Do you think he saw?”

Wonwoo shrugs, sitting next to you. “Is it so bad for him to see?” he speaks quietly.

You face him, aghast. “No! It’s just, you know how it is... if everyone knew. They’d misunderstand, think I’m using you or something.”

Your body freezes as you turn to face him. “Wait- you don’t think I’m using you... right?”

Wonwoo quickly shakes his head. “No, I know you y/n. You would never do that. I’m just afraid. That you’ll leave me because I’m too quiet, or too busy with work or-..”

You smile at him softly.

“You know I love you?” He stares at you, shocked. You had never said it to each other before, but you truly meant it.

Reaching for his hand, you intertwine it with yours. “Did you know I thought about quitting my job before? When we were debuting the showcase. It was so stressful that I really was gonna leave.” You feel his hand grip yours tighter, so you continue.

“But you know I'll never leave you, right? I won’t ever leave you alone.” Nudging him, you add playfully, “that means you’re stuck with me forever.”

Wonwoo laughs- a short deep sound.

“I’m okay with that, cause I’m in love with you too.”

author note: i actually wanted to write more but got lazy... im conflicted if i should add to the story or leave it as it is :\\\\

#seventeen #jeon wonwoo #wonwoo #seventeen wonwoo #wonwoo x reader #jeon wonwoo x reader #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #jeon wonwoo scenarios #jeon wonwoo imagines

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futurebicon · 3 years

Text

Dusk Till Dawn

I was gonna post this later but I physically can not wait any longer.

Apologize in advance

CW- death, panic attack, screaming, crying, fighting, accidental slight domestic abuse, self-harm, depression, anxiety, mention of child abuse, food, suicide attempt, hospital, dissociation, grief, hurt, blood, overdose, surgery

Remus didn’t know what to do or how to help.

All he could do was hold Sirius as he kicked and screamed and cried and punched and gasped for air.

“I’m so sorry,” Remus whispered even though he knew his husband wasn’t processing what he was saying. “I’m so sorry.” Tears streamed down his face.

Remus didn’t know how much time had passed since they got the call.

Heart attack.

Overworked with physical activity.

Celeste had called them crying.

It was at least an hour later when Sirius collapsed against him, exhausted from the meltdown.

“It’s gonna be okay.” Remus kissed the top of his head.

“I can’t, Re. Please,” Sirius gasped out quietly. “I can’t.”

“Shh, I know. It’s gonna be okay.” Remus held him tighter.

“I don’t want. I don’t want to.” He sobbed.

Remus had nothing else to say until his phone rang.

“Hey, Logan.” He asked the call.

“Did Celeste tell you?” Logan’s voice was a broken sob.

“Yeah,”

“Okay, uh, is Sirius okay?” He asked.

“Not at all. Are you?”

“No.” He sobbed. “No.”

“Logan I’m so, so fucking sorry.”

Dumo had been a father to everyone on the team but it was different with Sirius and Logan. They had lived with him for years, had breakfast with him in the morning and dinner with him at night, watched TV together, talked to him about what was going on in their lives. He was truly their father.

Even more so for Sirius.

Sirius never understood what a father was supposed to be like until he met Dumo.

He knew they weren’t supposed to hit their kids but he didn’t know that they were supposed to love them.

Dumo was the first person to truly, truly care about him.

Yes, Regulus loved him and cared for him but that was different.

Sirius didn’t know what love was so he ran away from it. Not joining in on dinners, staying in his room, not speaking unless spoken to.

But Dumo never let him get too far. He didn’t push Sirius to join them or talk with him but he didn’t let him think he was alone.

Slowly Sirius stopped trying to escape it and instead started to welcome it.

It still took a while for him to truly open up, but Dumo was always there.

Dumo was always there.

He didn’t leave when Sirius would flinch away from his touch or fast movements or loud sounds.

He didn’t leave when he walked into Sirius’s room while the teenager was having a full-blown panic attack that left him paralyzed.

He didn’t leave when Sirius gave him a black eye because he was trying to wake him up from a nightmare.

He didn’t leave when he saw the bandages.

He never left.

Even when Sirius moved out he was still there.

Remus didn’t know who Sirius would call or what he would do without Dumo.

“Arthur’s gonna call us all in tomorrow and tell the rest of the team.” Logan pulled him back to reality.

“They don’t know?” “No, uh, Celeste only told me, you, and Arthur.”

“I’ll see how Sirius is but I doubt we’re going to be able to go” Remus looked down at Sirius, who had fallen asleep after exhausting himself.

“Yeah neither of us have to go. I still don’t know if I’m going to.”

“Let me know if you are.”

“I will,” Logan told him. “Alright, um, tell Sirius I’m here if he needs me.”

“I’ll tell him, but know that we’re here for you too.”

“I know.” Logan let out another sob he had been holding in and hung up quickly.

+++

Sirius and Remus stopped when they walked into the conference room.

“Hi,” Celeste sadly smiled at them, obviously exhausted.

“I did-didn’t know you were coming.” Remus stammered.

“I can’t stay long. I just had to come by and help write the statement to give to the league.” Celeste met Sirius’s eyes as she explained.

Sirius quickly looked down at the ground.

“Hey, Sirius.” She said softly.

“I can’t.” He looked up with tears streaming down his face. “Celeste I don’t know- I can’t.”

Celeste wrapped him in her arms as he fell into her sobbing.

“He loved you so much, Sirius. He was so, so proud of you.” Celeste told him as everyone left the room to give them time alone.

“I don’t know what to do.” He pulled away.

“Come talk,” she led him over to the table.

“I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have to deal with me. You should be with your kids.” Sirius wiped his eyes but the tears were still falling.

“You’re my son just like Marc and Louis are. Now talk to me.”

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel.” He admitted.

“What do you feel?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it. It’s like I can feel all the emotions but I’m also numb to them but not fully numb because they still hurt.” He sobbed. “Celeste it hurt. It hurts so fucking bad. It hurts.”

“I know it does sweetheart. I know.” She hugged him again.

“I don’t think I can do this.” He shook his head. “I can’t handle this feeling. I need it to stop.”

“Hey, none of that.” She cupped his cheek. “Adele and Katie and Marc and Louis already lost their father, they don’t want to lose their brother too.”

“I don’t want them to but I can’t take this.”

“You can Sirius. You’re strong. It’s going to get better. I know we’re all gonna miss him more than anything. But it will stop hurting so much.”

Sirius could only cling to her and sob.

++++

“Hi, baby.” Remus hugged Sirius as he walked out of the room with Celeste.

Sirius curled into his chest.

“I’m gonna head out,” Celeste told them with a sad smile. “The kids are with their grandparents and the team’s already here.”

They said their goodbyes and walked into the main lounge where half the team was already gathered.

“You okay?” James asked Sirius who could only shake his head and collapsed onto the couch, letting Remus pull him onto his lap.

The previously happy energy in the room dulled as they waited for the rest of the team to trickle in. The energy rose slightly as they cracked jokes to lighten the mood.

“Alright now that you’re all here-”

“Dumo’s not.” Nado pointed out.

“I know,” Arthur said sadly.

“Hey if he gets to skip why couldn’t we?” Kasey protested.

“Make him do extra laps tomorrow,” Thomas told Arthur.

All of their remarks stopped as they looked over at Sirius as he sobbed into Remus’s chest. Logan had his arms crossed on his knees and head buried in his arms his body shook as Leo and Finn rubbed his back.

“Coach why’s Dumo late?” James looked at Arthur. The coach had tears streaming down his face.

“Why is Dumo late?” Kasey asked through clenched teeth.

“Celeste called last night.” He started to explain. “He had a heart attack.”

“No” Thomas shook his head.

“Oh god,” Lily threw her hand over her mouth.

“They tried to bring him-”

“Stop.” James shook his head in shock.

“I’m so sorry.” his voice broke.

The room filled with silent sobs.

“The league’s going to release a statement tonight,” Arthur told them before falling silent, letting them all process the news in silence.

“Celeste wants us to clean out his locker.” He said a few minutes later. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to, she just wants to get everything out of it so she can keep some things. She said you can have anything you want from it.”

The team stood up numbly and walked into the locker room.

“You sure?” Remus asked Sirius as he climbed off his lap. Sirius nodded and grabbed onto his hand.

It was only silent whispers and cries as the team pulled things from his locker and stall.

“Stop,” Remus’s loud voice cut through the silence. “Sirius stop.”

They watched as Sirius punched Remus’s arms that were wrapped tight around his waist to hold him back.

“Let me go.” Sirius snarled, getting lifted off the ground when he tried to kick Remus’s legs. “Let me go.”

“I’m not gonna let you go until you calm down.” Remus held him tight.

Sirius didn’t stop.

The team watched their captain in shock and overwhelming sadness.

“Sirius, you have to stop. You’re going to make yourself sick, baby.” Remus tried to calm him.

Then Sirius is screaming.

Just screams.

And screams and screams.

They’re terrifying sounds. Torturously filled with panic and grief and sadness and desperation and anger and pleas.

He screams until his voice wears out and he can’t fight anymore. He turns around in Remus’s arms and screams with what little voice he has left.

Remus was shaking with sobs as he held his broken husband. Wishing he could fix everything that broke him.

Remus picked Sirius up as his knees gave out and carried him out of the locker room. Leaving everyone in silence.

++++++

It didn’t truly hit Remus until the league released a statement.

Then it hit hard.

They had breaking news on all the sports channels to explain his death and what it meant for the team.

Once the tweets started he made sure Sirius was still asleep after exhausting himself from breakdowns last night and quietly left the bedroom.

As soon as he stood in front of the sink he started shaking.

Moments later it all hit.

He sank against the wall with silent sobs.

He had lost people before, his grandpa, an uncle, but he wasn’t close with them.

He was close with Dumo.

Hell, he’s the reason he’s married to the love of his life.

His first thought when they got the call was Sirius.

And that’s who he had focused on since the call.

All the effort it took for him to try and be there for his husband, left little time to think about anything else.

But Sirius was asleep and all the tweets he was being tagged in that told him that they were sorry for his loss. Now he could process it.

He cried for Dumo, and Celeste, and Adele, Marc, Louis, Katie, the team, the fans, Logan, Sirius.

He cried for all of them.

He cried until he felt someone sit down beside him and pull him into their chest.

He was going to apologize for waking Sirius but his mind was racing too fast and all he could do was let Sirius hold him and cry.

+++3 Days Later+++

“Sirius?” Remus shot up as he felt the empty bed beside him. “Sirius?”

He ran out of the room calling his husband’s name with no response and, fuck, this wasn’t good.

“Sirius? Sirius.” Remus stopped as he looked into the ice rink in their basement.

Sirius was shooting pucks into the goal. Each shot more forceful and more powerful than the last.

“Baby,” Remus called out, getting his attention. But the black-haired man just shook his head after making eye contact. And went back to hit the black rubber.

“Baby.” He called out again. “Come back to bed. Please love?”

Sirius dropped his stick and stood in the center of the ice panting.

Remus could see the tears now that he was standing still. He was wearing simple grey sweatpants that he had stolen from Remus. But his heart jolted when he saw the hoodie.

It was Dumos lucky hoodie.

As much as the older man said superstitions were stupid, he never played a game without wearing it.

The once bright blue fabric was now a dull blue-grey color.

The red letters barely readable after too many washes.

The small New York Rangers logo was only noticeable if you knew it was there before.

The team always chirped at him for wearing it. “That’s betrayal, Dumo.”

Celeste had given it to Sirius earlier but he had refused to even touch it until now.

Sirius skated over to the side and took off his skates quickly before pushing past his husband.

“Sirius” Remus followed him up the stairs. “Hey, stop.” He grabbed his arm.

“Leave me alone.”

“Sirius calm down.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” Sirius seethed and hit his hand away.

“Calm down and I won’t have to tell you to.”

“I fucking hate you.” Sirius gritted his teeth and pushed Remus in the chest.

“Don’t push me,” Remus told him firmly.

“I don’t know why I married you.” He pushed him again, with more force as tears streamed down his face.

“Stop pushing me.”

“I hate you.” He pushed him hard, Remus’s back hitting the wall.

“Sirius don’t fucking push me.”

“I HATE YOU.” He screamed and raised his fist.

“Don’t you dare,” Remus grabbed his hand before it could connect with his face before grabbing the other and holding them in a restraint. “You can scream and cry and tell me you hate me or that you don’t love me all you want, I’m not gonna stop you.” He told him firmly. “But I am never going to let you hit me.”

Sirius seemed to snap out of his trance and collapsed into Remus. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. Please, I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He sobbed and screamed.

“I know. I know you’re sorry. I know you didn’t mean to but no matter how angry you are, you can’t physically hurt me, or someone else, or yourself.” Remus held him.

Sirius could only sob.

“This doesn’t mean you’re your parents, Sirius.” Remus could read his mind. “Your parents hit for no reason. You tried to hit me because you’re angry and scared and devastated and so many other emotions that you don’t know how to handle.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, it doesn’t make it okay. But there was still an understandable reason for it, meaning you aren’t your parents.”

“I didn’t- know- I- was- do-doing-ing it,” He gasped. “I don-don-t know-why- I- di-did- i-i-it-t-it.” He was hyperventilating at this point. His knees gave out and dragged both of them to the floor.

“You need to take deep breaths for me, baby. You’re going to pass out if you don’t slow your breathing down.” He kissed his forehead. “Try and match your breathing with mine.” He put Sirius’s hand over his chest.

Sirius choked and gasped for a few minutes before sobbing. “I-I can’t.”

“I know it’s hard but you’ve got to try my love. Breath with me okay.” He inhaled deeply and exhaled slowly. Repeating it until Sirius started to follow his rhythm.

“Good job baby.” He kissed his forehead again as his breathing slowed.

“I don’t know why I did it.” He hiccuped slightly.

“Baby you grew up in a world where abuse was a sign of emotion. If your parents were angry they hit. If they were disappointed they hit. If they were hurt they hit. You learned that if you’re hurting you make others hurt. Not verbally like some people do but physically. That’s what you had always known and accepted. And yes you aren’t controlled by their tactics anymore but your mind still remembers those lessons that you didn’t even know you learned.” Remus rubbed his back and rocked him slightly as he explained.

“Right now you are hurting more than you ever have before. And you are devastated and panicked and angry. And those are all normal and perfectly okay to feel. But your mind doesn’t know what to do with this level of emotions so it goes through everything that has happened when you felt these emotions until it thinks it’s found a way to get rid of them. In your mind anger had always and only meant pain and hurt. It’s not your fault baby. It’s not. But we’re gonna have to figure out a way to stop your mind from thinking that.”

“I’m still sorry.”

“I know you are. And just because it’s not your fault and that it’s not really you that’s doing it, does not mean I’m going to allow you to hurt yourself or someone else.”

“I’m so sorry.” Sirius sobbed again.

++++++++ 2 months later ++++++++

“And with 5 minutes left of practice, they come calling.” Arthur pulled out his ringing phone. “Hey, Loops.” He put the man on speaker. “Where are you?”

“The uh, um,” He sounded dazed and disoriented.

“Remus? Are you okay?” Arthur asked.

“Hospital. At the hospital.”

“What? Why?” James asked.

“Sirius, he, he, uh, ki- tried, cut. He tried to ki, ki-” He couldn’t finish the sentence.

“Oh god,” Leo breathed.

“Is he okay?” Logan asked.

“They pu-pumped his stomach.” He trailed off.

“Remus?” Arthur asked after a short stretch of silence.

“Sorry. He’s in surgery, on his, uhm, wrist. Was too deep.”

The team all stood in shock.

“Do you want us to be there?” Arthur asked him.

“Please.” Remus gasped.

“Okay. Yeah, we’ll be there soon. Do you need anything?”

“Clothes. There’s blood. Clothes?”

“Yeah someone will grab you a change of clothes.”

“In bag. Locker. Sirius’s. Clothes.” Remus seemed to be getting more and more disoriented.

“Alright, we’ll bring them,” Arthur told him as Finn dug through Sirius’s bag and pulled out a change of clothes.

“Okay.”

“We’ll be there soon.”

“Okay.” Remus hung up.

“Fuck” James collapsed into his best friend’s stall, sobbing.

+++++++

“Oh, shit” Kasey breathed when they turned the corner into the waiting room.

There was blood on Remus’s clothes.

Sirius’s blood was on Remus’s clothes.

“Hey, Loops.” Finn walked in and handed him the bag of spare clothes to change into.

“Hmm?” Remus blinked. “Oh, thank you.” He took the bag from him and stood up.

“Woah,” Finn caught him as he staggered. “You okay?”

“Fine.” Remus stood up and tripped out of the room on shaky legs.

He took one look in the mirror and ripped off his clothes, chucking them in the garbage. Quickly putting on the clean clothes that smelled like his lover, and started to wash the blood off his arms.

He scrubbed and scrubbed and scrubbed until he felt the faucet turn off and the soap taken out of his hands.

“It’s off, Fruit Loops,” Thomas told him softly.

“I’m gonna lose him. I’m gonna lose him.” Remus whispered around the sob stuck in his throat.

“No, you’re not. You’re not gonna lose him. We’re not gonna lose him.” Thomas said firmly. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” He ran a hand through his hair.

“No need to apologize.”

“Um, thanks for, you know, coming to check on me.”

“I got your back Loop, we all do.” Thomas threw an arm around Remus, in support and to keep him upright, as they walked back to the waiting room.

“Remus.” Lily was there when they walked back in. “God I’m so sorry.”

Remus let her pull him into a hug and sobbed into her neck.

++++++++

Remus looked up when someone new walked into the waiting room.

“Hey,” He stood up as Celeste hugged him.

“How is he?” She asked when he pulled away, tears streamed down her face.

“I don’t know. Last thing they said was that he was in surgery.”

“What happened?” She asked softly as they sat down.

Remus let out a sob. “It’s my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Celeste told him along with the rest of the team.

“It is. I knew something was off. I knew something was wrong.” Remus couldn’t hold back his sobs any longer.

“When he woke up he said he was going to get a drink but was going to come back to bed and I fell back asleep for a few minutes and he wasn’t back so I went to the bathroom cause the light was on but the door was locked and he wasn’t answering and I kicked down the door and he was pale and he wasn’t moving and the cuts kept bleeding and they wouldn’t stop. I tried to stop it but I couldn’t. They wouldn’t stop bleeding. There was so much blood and he wasn’t breathing. I couldn’t stop the bleeding.” He was hysterical by the end. Celeste pulled him into her arms and shushed him softly. “He had no pulse. He was dead. He kept dying in the ambulance. He wouldn’t stop dying.”

Celeste squeezed the distraught man until he calmed down.

“Fuck, sorry.” Remus pulled away and wiped his eyes. “I don’t know why I freaked out like that.”

“Remus, your husband is in the hospital. You’re allowed to freak out.” Arthur told him.

Everything stopped as the doctor walked in.

+++++

Remus’s breath hitched as he stood in the doorway of Sirius’s stale hospital room.

His husband looked up at the noise.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius gasped. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

“Oh, my love.” Remus rushed over to Sirius and leaned his forehead against the others.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” The distraught man kept repeating as tears fell fast.

“I love you. It’s okay. I love you. It’s okay.” Remus cupped his cheek and cried along with him.

“I’m sorry.” Sirius couldn’t stop repeating.

“Shh, shh. Don’t apologize. Baby, please don’t apologize.” Remus pressed his lips to his husband’s forehead, letting his lips linger on the warm skin.

Sirius’s words slowly and quietly faded out until only sobs left his mouth.

Remus pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. He took Sirius’s hand lightly and tried as hard as he could to ignore the white bandages wrapped around his wrists.

They sat in silence as Remus rubbed soothing circles on the back of his hand.

“Please say something,” Sirius pleaded.

“I thought I lost you,” Remus whispered.

“I'm sorry,” Sirius’s voice was worn out.

“I thought you died.” He gritted his teeth. “And I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t know if I was going to live while you weren’t.”

“Please, please don’t say that,”

“It’s the truth, Sirius. You don’t want to live without Dumo and I don’t want to live without you,”

Sirius stayed silent.

“I have never felt so purely hopeless than I felt when I was in that bathroom. There was nothing I could do.”

“I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this.”

“Stop apologizing,” Remus begged.

“It was so stupid of me but I didn’t know what else to do.”

“I was two feet away. You promised you would come to me when you felt like this.”

“I didn’t want you to be mad at me.” Sirius wouldn’t meet his eye.

“What?” Remus breathed out. “Baby why would I be ma- have I done anything to make you think I would be mad?”

Sirius shook his head and stared down at his lap.

“Sirius, please. What did I do?”

“Nothing I promise that you didn’t do anything.” Sirius met his eye and looked back down.

“I will never. Ever. Be mad at you about something like this.”

“I’m sorry,” Sirius whispered. “I’m sorry.”

Remus pulled him into his arm, praying that he would never have to let go.

#I'm sorry #lumosinlove #sweater weather lumosinlove #coops #oknutzy #pascal dumais #celeste dumais #i cried #IM SORRY I WAS SAD AND THEN IT WOULDN"T LEAVE MY BRAIN

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tiredb0igivemesugars · 3 years

Text

The struggles that come with being a Stark

Summary: Y/n has been very down lately and feels completely alone even if the tower is buzzing with Avengers every day. On one particular morning y/n is forced to come out of his room and he heads down to his father’s lab, y/n feels very ignored and storms out crying. Peter goes after y/n and gets him to open up. Can something deemed “broken” be fixed?

Words: 2.4k

⚠️Warnings:⚠️ Mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, some light swear words

Pairing: Tony Stark!dad and reader!son

Note: the timeline is all funky to my understanding but please just roll with it... again

It had been good for a while, really good, but in the back of your mind, you knew it was only a matter of time until things got bad again.

And eventually, they did. Like always

It started with the little things. When you didn’t have the energy to put the freshly washed clothes you thought nothing of it. It started with feeling the need to sleep all the time, you tried to blame it on stress, not wanting to admit how bad things truly were.

Getting up in the morning was harder, showering was suddenly too time-consuming. Before you had the time to realise what was truly going on, you were laying in your own filth. Surrounded by stuff you couldn’t remember ever bringing into your room, the blinds were closed. Sometimes you opened the one closest to your bed, it was nice to watch the outside world from time to time. You saw how your friends ran and played outside, ever since Peter joined the Avengers it was like they just got more and more childish, but it was nice. All of the Avengers had rough lives and seeing them so happy made you feel a sense of relief. This was all Peter’s doing, he was keeping the atmosphere good, it didn’t necessarily matter if you weren’t there, they’d be fine.

That’s what you told yourself, ending it all wasn’t something you necessarily thought about, but it was a game in your head. A fantasy really, a game you noticed yourself playing more often than not. The game kept you busy, sometimes for an entire day.

But there were days when the game wasn’t as fun, on those days you went outside of your room, you tried to do it so that no one would see you, sometimes you’d run into Steve or even to your dad, but not often. Your dad, Tony, made jokes of how you had ”emerged from your cave” and if you were too unfortunate enough to walk out of your room when a lot of them were in the kitchen or in the living room, you’d get an ”oh how nice of you to join us”. You knew that he didn’t do that to hurt you, but it ended up doing exactly that. His words stung, they haunted you even when you were alone, like an echo in your head.

You woke up when the sun hit your eyes, you had forgotten to close the blinds, again. ”Jarvis, close the blinds,” you said, voice groggy. No answer. ”Jarvis?” You asked again, receiving no answer. You groaned as you realised that you had to go down to your dad’s workshop, to tell your dad that Jarvis wasn’t working in your room. You sat up on your bed, feeling hazy. You slowly stood up to walk towards the elevator.

Your dad was working with Peter in his workshop. ”Dad?” You called out from the door, no answer. ”Dad?” You tried again, louder this time. Peter noticed you as you stood by the door. ”Mr Stark,” Peter said, immediately catching your dad’s attention. Peter pointed in your direction. ”Oh, what’s up?” Tony asked, quickly looking at you before turning back to his work. It frustrated you to see your dad ignoring you in such an obvious matter, it annoyed you that he didn’t hear you but he heard Peter.

Frustration turned into sadness as tears prickled by your waterline, you tried to blink them away as you cleared your throat, catching your dad’s attention. ”What is it?” He asked, sounding annoyed in your opinion. ”Nothing, just that J-Jarvis isn’t working in my room,” you said as you walked away. You didn’t want your dad or Peter to see when you cried. ”What’s up with y/n?” You heard Peter’s voice ask as you walked away from your father and him. ”I don’t know, maybe y/n’s feeling a little upset,” you heard your father say, clearly trying to say it in a way so that you wouldn’t hear. ”Should someone check up on y/n then?” You heard Peter ask. You didn’t hear what your father said due to the fact that the elevator doors had closed.

As the doors closed, your tears began travelling down. You weren’t jealous of Peter, you couldn’t be, he brought so much happiness to everyone. It kind of pissed you off how smart he was, you had your fair share of skills which your dad used to take interest in, he tried to get you interested in anything that might involve your skills, thus making you develop. But since Peter came along, it was all about him, it was good that your dad had someone to share things with, since you weren’t really interested in his field, but it still hurt to not get even nearly as much attention from him as you used to.

You weren’t really feeling your nest today, just in case your dad came by to fix Jarvis, which you highly doubted, you wanted to be somewhere else. Maybe the vents, there you could spy on people, you used to love being in there as a child, but abandoned that when you turned older.

You climbed inside the vent and were surprised by how spacious it still was, even for a young adult like you. You had no idea which way you should go but decided to follow the noise that reached the vent, Natasha and Steve in the training area. They were fighting each other while having a rather loud conversation. ”I don’t know what’s wrong with y/n, but I also don’t think that it’s okay for Tony to just ignore it all. He’s not doing anything to make y/n feel better,” Natasha said as he swung Steve’s legs from under him. Steve’s back hit the ground, getting his air lightly knocked out. ”But young people get sad all the time, why should he jump at y/n’s every whim?” Steve asked as he slowly got up from the floor. ”Y/n isn’t just sad, something is wrong and we should help,” Natasha said and kicked Steve in the chest. Steve grabbed her leg and sent her flying across the room.

You didn’t bother listening to their conversation anymore, was everybody suddenly talking about you? Why was suddenly everyone on your case? Why did they care?

”Hey y/n,” you suddenly heard from behind you, making you yelp loudly. ”Hey sorry it’s just me,” Peter apologised. You fell against the wall of the vent but decided to stay there in a sitting position. ”What are you doing here?” You finally asked after calming down a bit. ”I came to check up on you, you seemed a bit off,” Peter explained. You groaned loudly, ”Why is everyone talking about me today!” You complained.

Peter settled to sit next to you, but still giving you space.

”Everyone is just worried, you look sad and we barely even see you anymore. You’re hard to even recognise nowadays.” Peter said, stealing glances at you. You groaned slightly, trying to decide how to possibly end the conversation.

”I do realise that I might be the last person you want to talk to, yet I’d beg to argue that I’m the one to understand you the best.” Peter was right, and you hated it. You banged your head against the wall of the vent in frustration, ”I hate that you’re right.” You finally admitted. You took a deep breath before opening your mouth, might as well. ”I don’t know, it started out small. I was a child and some bad stuff was going down and I really didn’t know how to deal, people are more likely to notice a depressed child than a depressed young adult I guess.” ”Dad got me some help. Talked to a real nice lady, gave me blocks to play with and all. Yeah well anyway, I thought I was better. A lot of years went by that I was completely okay, until recently.” You explained as you pulled on any loose cuticle or nail you could find on your fingers. ”It just crept up all of a sudden, I didn’t have the energy to fold my laundry or make my bed. And then I just started sleeping a lot, like a lot. And before you know it, I’m awake at three in the morning, on the roof, and I’m looking at an at least 20 story drop. And I have no idea what the hell I’m doing there.”

It felt like some weight was coming off of your shoulders, you silently shook, eyes getting a little teary - that was good, right? "And then there's the fact that I'm a Stark. I'm Tony Stark's son and expectations are laid on me every day, if not by him then the world. I don't know if I have what it takes. I mean, I am smart but I'll never be able to fill his shoes." You continued, drawing the curtain open a bit more.

”Did you ever think about telling Mr Stark?” Peter asked, curious.

”Well I mean, at first I didn’t even notice anything that alarming, and when I finally did notice, it felt like it was too late, you know? Like how would I even bring that up? Hey, dad, I kind of want to jump off of a building because I’m sad!” You said, the last part overly cheery to compensate the tears that currently were cascading down your cheeks.

Peter moved a little closer to you, ”You know, it’s never too late, Mr Stark loves you very dearly and he wants to help you.” When you didn’t answer Peter he took the chance to do his own monologue. ”You know, he never shuts up about you. To him, you’re his most successful invention, he always talks about you, never fails to mention your achievements, no matter how small. You’re the best son Mr Stark could have. He’s genuinely so proud of you and he loves you more than anything, it breaks him to see you like this because he’s so lost he doesn’t know what to do to help you.”

After that Peter let the silence sizzle in the air, he waited for you to say something. You needed a moment, what Peter said opened your eyes, you had never thought that your dad even could be proud of you and to hear that he was the proudest of you and he loved you that much just put things into perspective.

”To be completely honest, I was kind of jealous of you and the bond you have with my dad.” You admitted when you felt strong enough to talk again. Peter laughed a little, ”why on earth would you think that?”

”You build stuff together, the two of you as a duo looks like the most normal thing this tower has seen in years. It feels good to know that dad has someone to share his passions with since I’m not all that talented or interested in whatever the hell it is that you two do, yet I sometimes feel jealous. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t feel bad, it’s just my brain. I’ll get over it.”

”Do you want to go talk to Mr Stark?” Peter asked after a while. The moment was over, but you still wanted to thank him. ”I think I have to. By the way, thank you. Thank you for finding me and talking to me, it really means a lot.” You said and offered Peter a smile, a smile that was for the first time in months, genuine.

Peter returned the smile, ”It was nothing really, you would’ve done the same for me.”

”Mr Stark!” Peter called out once you entered the workshop, the dishevelled head of your precious dad shot up from somewhere admits all of the ”junk”.

”Y/n wants to talk to you!” Peter said before turning to you. ”It’ll be alright,” he reassured you and gave you a thumbs-up as he walked out, giving the two of you some privacy.

”Son! What’s up?” He asked when you approached him. He climbed out of a machine he was building. You took a deep breath as you sat down on something you felt would hold your weight. You felt your dad’s burning gaze, yet, you decided to not return it. You stared at your shaking hands as you slowly began. ”D-dad, I think I need help.” Silence. ”I don’t know, I’ve been feeling pretty bad lately and I feel like I should talk to someone about it.”

You heard your dad pull out something with wheels on it, he seemed to sit on it and roll towards you. His feet quickly came into your view. His hands slowly grabbed yours. ”Look at me,” he said, his voice shook just the tiniest amount. You slowly found his eyes and took the sight in. There was no disappointment or anger in his voice, just worry. ”I want to help you, and I will. But I need to know what’s going on.”

You sniffled a little, breaking the eye contact to collect yourself.

”I didn’t even notice it at first. I just didn’t have the energy to do the everyday things, I was exhausted all of the time. The next thing you know I’m having a staring contest with the concrete from the roof in the middle of the night. I don't even know why. I guess I'm just not happy anymore. It's not that my life sucks or something like that. I'm a Stark, people expect things and I don't know if I can amount to that greatness. I'm not like you, I'll never be." You said, trailing off at the end.

"Y/n, I'll never want you to be like me. You are perfect just the way you are, you are my son - best one anyone could ever ask for. I'll always love you and you're the most important thing to me in this whole world. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you when you needed me the most. I promise I'll get you all the help you need and I promise to never leave your side." Tony said all of those things with ease, his voice shook but there was so much meaning in his voice. It was gentle and loving, like the hug he offered you. You accepted the hug since your dad was the best hugger in the world.

His arms wrapped themselves around your shoulders as you laid your head on his shoulder. "Y/n, I love you 3000, don't you ever forget that." He whispered into your hair.

#marvel #The Avengers #irondad #tony stark x male!reader #peter parker #x male reader #angst #comfort #oneshot #tony stark #iron man #spiderman #captain america #black widow

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