#also didn't know what to id because

[foxprints]

Happy holidays @rj-abacura !!

It's been so nice getting to know you this year and I hope the holidays and New Year treat you kindly!

#the murderbot diaries #murderbot diaries #SecUnit #Murderbot #perihelion #asshole research transport #gurathin #murderathin #murderhelion #art/Murderbot/Gurathin #artmb #me: im not gonna do backgrounds on these #brain: ok but what if... #me: fine but im not adding shading #brain: ok but WHAT IF #(basically this one ran away from me lmao) #im shit at interiors pls dont look closely i was just throwing shit on the page fnensn #also don't ask what Gurathin is wearing because I DONT KNOW i was looking for clothes similar to Mensah's kaftan ok #but then i was coloring it last night and was like. fml i should have just gone with a T-shirt #but id already inked it and finished the background and I didn't want to redo so much so. weird shirt it is lol #anyway i don't have a story idea behind the picture either #except im always thinking about that MW interview i cant track down where she says MB's fav energy source is ART lmao #anywAY #enjoy RJ!! 💛 #fanart #murderARTthin

[oddberryshortcake]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Twisted-Wonderland (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Relationships: Silver & Lilia Vanrouge, Malleus Draconia & Silver & Lilia Vanrouge & Sebek Zigvolt Characters: Lilia Vanrouge, Silver (Twisted-Wonderland), Malleus Draconia, Sebek Zigvolt, second years are mentioned - Character Additional Tags: Angst, Sad Ending, just lots of melancholy, Parent-Child Relationship, Lilia loves his son and Silver is very very old, chapter 7 spoilers Summary:

Vilomah: ‘Against the natural order,' or in other words, the unending grief of a parent losing a child. Many years have passed, and Silver is turning 80 years old. Lilia and Silver reflect on his long life together.

#I don't know what possessed me to make this I just kinda did #because I'm in that diasomnia grief mode #this will be edited with new chapter 7 info when it comes out too #anyways im sad #twst silver #lilia vanrouge #id like to also apologize for Jamil #things didn't work out for you this time #twst #twst fic

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

and that's how the wildest road trip came to be

[ID: The “me explaining to my mom” meme. On the left there is an image of Gogol staring creepily. He is captioned: “Nikolai about to ruin his whole career.” On the right there is an image of a scared Sigma. He's captioned: “Sigma who has just fallen from the sky.” End ID]

#felt nostalgic what can I say #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd spoilers #bsd memes #bsd original #bungou stray dogs spoilers #bungou stray dogs memes #bsd manga spoilers #posts with ids #bsd gogol #bsd sigma #I love how I didn't even need to specify the details because we all know #also I copy-pasted the id from another meme with kolya and I've just realised I went from calling him gogol to just nikolai in my memes #the development

[vaniliens]

I keep forgetting about how people actually use pronouns for me instead of just referring to me by name. Like sometimes id get she/her'd or they/them'd and it always feels so trippy because i have never been called that in my head!!!! Its always just been 'Dude' 'You' 'Man' 'Me' 'Girl' and 'He' but idk. I feel like id get tripped out if i start going by he/him too.

#If you're wondering what pronouns to use for me; Um. I unno. Do whatever. #this isn't a huge deal or anything im just not used to being noticed #Unless its by maprron hi maprron <333 Sorry i havent been active much 😭 #nillas #i feel like id be DOUBLY confused if i get he/himd because ive only seen someone do it once but that was years ago 💔 #Like with She/Her id understand because i am a girl. thing . and my profile picture and stuff are usually girls (See: My Blog.) #and with they/them id also get it because youre probably just not sure about my pronouns or smth #he/him... yeah.... but id be flattered depending on the mood and if i remember I have pronouns that day #Idk!!! Why is this so confusing !!! I NEED IRON IN MY BLOOD!!! #ok wait honestly. I get weirded out about my name too. But again i think its just because im not used to attention. #i used to let people call me my real name online but the Nia and Vanillas was more popular also it feels weird now #you dont know me irl!!! #thats a name exclusively used for irl contexts!!!! Not online!!!!! #also someone called me 'Menzu' once back when i was still masquerading as Menzu_kosui on Insta shsvhsvjs #IT CAUGHT ME SO OFF GUARD LIKE I KNOWWW I DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER NAMES THERE BUT ITS JUST A FANCIER WAY #OF SAYING ''MENS'' AND I GOT SO CONFUSED!! I love that person though I get it 😭 ty for that it stunned me but i Laugh #about it everytime it crosses my mind

[dykeinthedark]

venting in tags about gender n shit (long as hell) (u can comment and talk 2 me as always :3)

#okay so i got a really masc haircut about a month ago and i know it's just a haircut but holy shit has it changed EVERYTHING for me #like.... i've always leaned masc except 1) before i came out 2) when i was actively in love with someone who i knew liked femmes #and they always described me as a fem. because that's what i showed her. because i wanted to be with her. #but lowkey whenever i'm in a not-impressing-anyone raw-dogging-life-no-crush era i always resort to a very masc style #like masc being my default and i'd only lean fem to impress people whether it's for love or peer pressure in a specific setting #like ''dressing up'' has always been a form of drag to me. like something i HAD to do to fit in or impress my parents (scott favor core) #but ever since this haircut i've realized... i could just BE masc innately like i really don't have to be womanly if i don't want to #which i usually don't. again i have only ever dressed fem for other people. but it's not even being masc that attracts me on its own #it's like. being masc in a distinctly lesbian way. as in whenever i look in the mirror i don't wanna be like a Guy i wanna be a dyke. #like lesbian as a gender identity too sort of thing honestly. okay i've been waffling but basically i sort of want to call myself butch #but i don't know if i like... can?? if i'm allowed to??? #everyone always says it's MORE than just wearing boy clothes and not wearing makeup and having short hair (which i already do all those) #i mean i've always id'd as genderqueer because it literally just means gender weird and i experience gender in a queer way #what's probably the most telling is that my friends (all queer) CALL me a butch lesbian #like every time they do i feel really internally validated. it's not just my clothes but my personality too ig is what people tell me #i have a higher pitched voice relatively speaking but apparently the way i talk is quote ''very clockably into women'' #which?? gender euphoria asf. my best friend specifically he (gay trans guy) always uses butch to describe me very intuitively #people have also noticed that i ''transitioned'' in all aspects except hormonally. like ppl have commented and noticed my masculinzation #but at the same time i always feel rly haunted by my ex relationships because one wanted me to be more masc #(she's the one who came out as straight and would treat me like a man) which i didn't like and i didn't like playing up being fem either #bc now it feels like she (butch) won't believe me if i called myself butch too bc she remembers me being femme #idk i feel like there's her voice in my head all the time that sees everything i do through her eyes (i'm lowkey still in love) #i feel like even though this comes so naturally to me i must be putting on a performance #even though i've actually read stone butch blues and done research into the history and i truly love and id with the culture like i rly do #that im still just a sad imitation of a butch lesbian and can never really be a part of it because i used to enjoy dressing up sometimes #like it's so stupid but can i still be butch if i wore a dress to prom and i think i looked good in it?? #even though i was envious of my friends who wore suits?? that i used to try goth makeup?? that i liked long dresses?? #that i enjoyed stacked necklaces and rings on every finger??? #and tbh ALL OF THAT CAME FROM A CONCIOUS EFFORT TO FEMINIZE MYSELF IN JUNIOR YEAR OF HIGHSCHOOL WHEN I WAS 16 #because omfg it was 2 months before junior prom and i was worried that i was too masc and wanted to get comfortable with being fem

[apricote]

i feel like you get so little approval in this game (bg3) bc i take karlach everywhere and she's still on neutral terms with rowena like pls love me back karlach i love you

#she's so amazing like why don't you like me #i think it's because it took me. awhile to find her since she was quite far in the map so id already done a bunch of quests #also i didn't realise that killing the goblin leaders makes the tieflings immediately to leave so i think i missed a lot of stuff #in the emerald grove #well now i know for my second playthrough #ive already played a little with sirius and it makes such a difference to actually know what you're doing LMAO #combat is so much easier now!! #anyway karlach <333 #💬

[bahoreal]

"learn to code" as advice is such bullshit. i have learned and used four and a half different coding languages through my career (html/css, java, python+sql, c++) and when i say used i mean I've built things in every one but the things that i actually used these languages for??? these earn zero money (with the caveat of until you have seniority in, e.g. front end web dev) what people really mean when they say learn coding is "learn to code. go into investment banking or finance startups." coding does not inherently have money in it. my absolute favourite part of coding? my peak enjoyment? was when i was developing for a visual coding language (you put it together like a flowchart, so say youre using a temperature sensor and you want it to log the temperature once every four hours, you can put the blocks together to make it do that. i was writing the code behind the blocks for new sensors) and i was earning £24k a year and that wasn't even part of my main role. it was an extra voluntary thing i was doing (i was working as a research assistant in biosensors - sort of - at a university, and was developing the visual code for students who didnt want to learn c++) like. i want people to learn to code, i want people to know how their electrical equipment works and how coding works, but dont believe the myth that there is inherently money in coding. the valuable things, the things people are passionate about are still vulnerable to the passion tax (if you want to do it you dont have to be paid for it). skills arent where the money is, money is where the money is.

#this is a bit incoherent but you know what i mean #i hated coding because it made my brain bend into shapes i didn't like but i did a Lot of coding and i was quite good at it #c++ for mechatronics (coding for mechanical devices usually things id built myself lol x) was my sweet spot #.jtxt #the half language is sql #you could count html and css as different languages. but css is like a framework for html so i dont jfbdhd. maybe thats another half #ive learned and used five languages where css and sql are both half languages jfbshs #also before anyone is like but you can use python for backend web dev and everyone needs that or blah blah databases #i knoooooow. create an extra 20000 database experts and you'll make that a minimum wage role. love it #anyway i used python for my research all the way through my research. from like machine code to image analysis software thatd take half a #day to run bc of the ridiculous volume of my image folders

[saltinesinsoup]

aughh man its like. i want to watch something but nothing on youtube is good and everything being recommended to me feels like mindless slop but also i dont feel like there's any good shows out right now that i could watch and i also dont really want to rewatch anything and at its core i think im bored and a little bit creatively unfulfilled

#jaytalking #like gem put out a new hermitcraft and i normally would enjoy it (started watching her this season and its been nice) but i watched the fir #first eight or so minutes maybe less. and i just was like. eh. #i dont know why but its like. i just want to watch something good #really i should rewatch the bear or severance but really i should probably just go read a book. thats probably my issue #or play pokemon bc that will give me a dripfeed of dopamine or w/e. im no brain chemist #also this is gonna sound so lame but we didn't do anything mentally challenging in calc today which was nice. but also its nice for me to #have math that i can do bc genuinely im like. oh im bored? might as well go do some math because its just like doing a puzzle. that rewards #me (green check and points) for being right. #also ive been thinking about maybe getting a degree in math lately. but i dont even know what id do with it. fuckin not statistics #and i dont want to teach or go into academia. really i just want to have fun little puzzles to do because really that's all math has been #and also i want to watch dunmeshi or frieren but also i dont and man. its really just boredom that's the killer #also i had a coffee earlier and i don’t know if that’s also part of this lol. like i got so much stimulation and now it’s warm off im like. #well what now.

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

I was actually having a pretty good day until just now :/

#i reread and made notes for two solid hours! 15k of words! #i went for a walk and got ransom a toy and stocked up on chocolate (my excuse is that sometimes when i'm feeling awful eating a bit of #chocolate helps lol and this stuff was 50% off) and generally had a good walk! #and i had a bath. first bath of the season! and i read like hafl of out of hte silent planet while i was bathing and it was wonderful! #mum made the BEST ginger pudding today! #so like. i've had a great day today! #so many blessings! #and now i just feel awful because i ate something and i wanna throw up and i mustn't #been struggling more with dealin w eating lately too at times and in the last week have been deviating from what the dietitian's been #encouraging me (variety) bc i couldn't deal with it #but today was a good day! a great day! and now i feel terrible for no apparent reason #yay me :/ #puddleglum hours #personal #incidentally am SO grateful for the job that requires me to wear short sleeves bc i know that by now i would've harmed deep enough to scar #on my arms as well if i hadn't had the knowledge that the next day id have to be at work w that. the reason this is coming up rn is #bc SURPRISE i rlly wanna harm #and i CAN'T my mother found my knife. honestly even having it htere whether or not i used it felt like it gave me an option even if i #didn't take it. it was a comfort. and now it feels awful not having it esp as idk when i'll get it back and also even worse my parents #litcherally gave me that knife for my last birthday. i don't know how mum feels about that #but yeah i just. i want to do smth drastic so bad #and i CAN'T #tw sh #i don't even know why #ugh

[autistickaitovocaloid]

I have this light blue shirt I dyed a year or so ago + I have pink fabric paint so what I'm saying is I think I should recreate Koutarou's shirt from the Japanese flapjack octopus chapter

#art talks about stuff #nagisa is also there that's the clearest pic i could get of it #there's this one panel where part of it's obscured so it looks like it says ''nail fish'' it's funny #i didn't realise it's a longsleeve shirt until after i had this idea but i don't caare #i don't wear a lot of longsleeve shirts by themselves anyway #i can't tell what the shirt's actual colours would be but pink works because snailfish i think #even if no one knows what i'm referencing it'll still look cool so #id in alt text

[twilightarcade]

anyway timeline that I um. Should have waited to make. But was impatient and organizing files. Reads left 2 right like a book

that picrew

#wordstag #notwordswordstag ? #anyways to be exact. First image was created on January fourth of this year #which is kinda batshit crazy honestly. I Have grown as a person since then isn't that weird #anyway around the middle of the year I started getting cocky and made the images bigger. Yeah that Didn't Work. #ended up omitting more than Id like tbh. Maybe WHEN (as I will. Because everyone loves me (joking)) I make it big I'll make a Full art book #commentated #maaan that's so terrifying. Time has passed. #evie herself has. Drastically shifted too. Xyr original role has been somewhat replaced I suppose? More of a silly guy I guess. #though we've also shifted as a person I suppose. We're like character growthing over here man. #but we all know that our life in no way reflects on the art we make man. What is this . english class. #anyway I need to stop saying anyway so much. But. Anyways #I wish we had more excuses to draw nevaeh. I'm going to start making excuses man. #ANYWAYS!!!! IVE BEEN LISTENING 2 PRETTY LITTLE PSYCHO LATELY!!!! (for like. One day) absolutely remarkable uptick in energy

[rubys-domain]

sucrose is like... the cutest thing ever

#⇢₊˚⊹ 🩷∥ruby∥yo，ide yo !! #i made an alt acc to play as aether cuz i picked lumine in my og #just out of curiosity #and for my starter pull i got sucrose #in my og i don't have sucrose (yet. istg if i dont get even ONE copy of her from the current banner...) #so i got to use her for the first time #and she reminds me a lot of hanayo from love live #except she's an alchemy nerd and not an idol fan #i like me some pana so unsurprisingly i like sucrose too #you know what's funny though #they give you two discounted acquaint fate 10-pulls when you're first starting out right? #but instead of giving me another character in the second 10-pull #the game gave me another sucrose #i'm slightly bummed that i didn't get like bennett or xingqiu or chongyun #or literally anyone else because i need more teammates #but i can't complain too much because you know. it's sucrose #also her little ears flick up in her idle animation and it's the most adorable thing i've ever seen #i also really like the physics on her cape thing and her ponytail #idk how to explain it. it's just really satisfying to me

[todayisafridaynight]

Especially because in the end... Arakawa loses his son in small ways that just Accumulate... but Jo's the one who even gets to outlive his son... AUGH. THROWING MYSELF INTO A WOODCHIPPER

Also while going through old messages, I saw I actually had a dream back in 2021 that Jo came back in LaD8. I mean sure he had "longer hair" and "a new outfit NOBODY liked except me" and was Unserious like RGGJo whereas in the actual teaser he sounds more depressed than ever but I'm still taking credit alright... the vision came to me...

And in a Hell Will Freeze Over Before This Happens I Just Like To Think About It way. I want him in my goddamn party and I have for all of Y7 so it's not related to the new game. I don't care. I want to find out what his favorite flowers are I want to take him to Every Movie and get his commentary on all of it I want to take him out to eat and watch his little itadakimasu animation play out I want to have the most light-hearted and inconsequential conversations and I want him to chime in I want to exhaust every option on his Drink Link I want to unlock his sickass tag-team moves I want to wear True Hero and fight by his side I want to shower him with so much love and affection he won't know what hit him (<- channeling Arakawa tbh)

its just insane because from a metaphorical sense arakawa 'outlives' masato in that he becomes aoki and like. That's One Thing, but then Of Course. There's Jo. //stuffing my mouth with wet cement// like OHHHH the pain never stops it never ends,,

mate i think your brain was just tryna manifest RGGJo to make a come back through y7 ☠️☠️ CREDIT WHERE CREDITS DUE THO BUT DAMN would have been. THE MOST interesting change to his character though.... on the real.... because yeah he just sounds so tired from the trailer so far （；´д｀）would be hilarious if instead of entering a Super Depression arc bro's just. Yeah Alright Fuck It. What Can We Do Now Amirite. walk right out the cell with the white suit and snake-patterned lapels and all ☠️☠️

OK BUT MOST VALID RANT EVER. MOST VALID WANT EVER. would really just have the vibe of dragging your jaded uncle around the city i would died to have that,,, 😭😭

#snap chats #ON THE REAL THOUGH JO PARTY MEMBER WOULD'VE MADE ME YELL #it too is a part of my This Is Guaranteed To Never Happened But What If wish list..... #i still stand firm he shouldve at least been left with tendo for five minutes. JUST FIVE THEN EVERYONE ELSE CAN COME IN #first he necks his boss then he fucks up his office like LET HIM. GET A FEW SWINGS IN. it's what he deserves i think... #BUT REAL PLEEAASSE I WANT THE SAWASHIRO SOCIAL LINK GIVE IT TO ME RIGHT NOW SEGA #id die and throw up because you just know he and ichi'd have to talk about arakawa at some point during it... #if the whole SL not JUST being about meetin arakawa or his early days in the family #also forgive me for calling it 'social link' i unfortunately played persona a lot years ago and just. Its A Social Link ok ik im a monster #persona's one piece of media that was crucial to my developmental years its in my dna now... #IN ANY CASE NOOOOO I COULD SIT AND THINK FOREVER ABOUT JO MAKING LITTLE COMMENTS... #its my mental illness... its my weakness i think..... just thinkin of silly scenarios... #see while im cringe at being intelligent i AM adequate at making funny scenarios... hehe even... #its a dangerous thing to put an idea in my head as Creatively Ambiguous as that one oh no i feel my brain being eaten alive already #PLEASE I NEED THE PARTY TO REACT TO JO 😭😭 IN A NON VIOLENT SITUATION 😭😭 #i hope when jo's forced to be in social settings he's just Weird. like not Weird weird but its painfully obvious he's never had friends #like he just doesnt know what to do with himself the closest friend in age he has is adachi and He. Is Definitely A Character (affectionate #i hope theyre all out to lunch and someone makes a lighthearted joke and jo takes it too seriously and one other mate gotta just #'my guy relax. it was a joke. see [explains the joke]' and bro just Hm..... Not Funny Didn't Laugh about it right #he's not gonna flip the table now at least #UGH why would you remind me of the timeline of jo being a party member. im gonna drive myself mad thinkin bout it （；´x｀)（；´x｀) #ITD BE SO SWEET JUST SEEING JO BE NICE FOR FIVE SECONDS. NOT EVEN 'NICE' JUST CHILL #jo karaoke wouldnt exist but it'd be cute to at least see him in the crowd... #I REPEAT IM GONNA THINK OF LIL SCENARIOS LIKE THESE ALL DAY NOW NOOOOOO im ruined 😔

[samuraisharkie]

did I SERIOUSLY get called an “absolute walnut” from a tumblr checkmark blog. AIEJGKWJGKDNGM. if I saw sainamoonshine irl I would maul their ableist condescending ass within an inch of their life. not worth it to fight with them bc they clearly don’t care about anyone else’s perspective but jesus fucking CHRIST what a piss poor refutation of me calling them ableist. And in three paragraphs no less!

#I knew it was going to be bad when that serious reply started with action asterisks LMAO #deliberately misinterpreting what I meant by ‘alt text is not for jokes’ too. bitch you KNOW I didn’t mean it that way. die #sainamoonshine is having an absolute TANTRUM that people wanted. a full ID?? #and someone asked for one more than once???? and then you just unload on someone literally just asking for full ID. #their defense isn’t even good 💀 it didn't NEED to be explained it was just for me I didn't think people would want all the WiNdoW dReSsiNg' #what so only people who can see the image without accessibility readers can get the full context?? #so the ppl relying on screen readers don’t get to see the behavior you’re talking about in your caption?? that’s just for the 20/20s?? #the condescending pedantic ass way they did that. I KNOW I shouldn’t reply further but ohhh boy do I want to lol #the violence in my chest when ppl are so rudely and proudly ableist all while thinking they’re not. I think Id genuinely scar them for life #the other reason I’m not gonna do this is because catgirlcowboy was just asking for a fucking ID not tumblr drama #and I KNOW they’d get caught up in it #blogs like that love to make their messes as big and loud as possible #speaking of which I am so sorry an ugly ass double checkmark blog acted out at you for wanting accessibility catgirlcowboy. holy fuck #also I’m never blocking a motherfucker who clearly doesn’t like me but is asking ME to block them lmao #why don’t you do it you little spineless cunt?? no?? won’t do it?? can’t muster up the courage?? too bad then! #I’ll just filter their name out and never actively block them LMAO

[floralovebot]

Ive seen a lot of ppl say that Musa was whitewashed by the Fate: Winx saga, but while I agree an east asian actress should have been chosen, the actress Elisha Applebaum is jewish. From what Ive read, its controversial whether jewish ppl inherently count as poc or not so im not sure if I would call it "whitewashing"

Well, I'm not sure I'm the best person to talk to about this considering I'm not Jewish?

But from what I do know, this is an extremely controversial topic (like you said) that really doesn't have any one answer. There are Jewish people who fully consider themselves to be white (and Jewish of course but like... white too), and there are Jewish people who consider themselves to be poc. I think it's important to remember that a lot of the "Jewish people aren't poc if they aren't black/asian/dark-skinned/etc" comes from antisemitism or anti-zionism. A lot of poc in the west specifically say this because of antisemitism so a lot of the arguments for it are... not great to say the least.

In regard to Elisha specifically, she's ethnically Jewish so I think you could argue that it doesn't count as whitewashing, but that's really up to Jewish people to discuss. It's obviously still wrong for her to have been cast as Musa, that's not up for discussion, but whether she considers herself white, whether Jewish people consider her white, whether non-Jewish people (goyim?) consider her white and how much of that response is linked to internal antisemitism is all very personal and case by case. I'm not sure if there's a specific term for when people sort of... race or ethnicity change a character of color to a different but still not white race so like...?

But anyway, again there is no One specific answer because there's so much discussion and outright arguing over it. A lot of Jewish people do consider themselves to be poc and often West Asian/Middle Eastern (depending on who you ask) but there are a lot of arguments among themselves as well. This discussion really should be left up to them!

It's funny you mention this because I was actually discussing this with a Jewish mutual years ago! Here are some really interesting articles (written by Jewish people (as far as I'm aware)) that I found really helpful at the time: one, two, three, and four. There were others but I can't find them now :(

(There's also the matter of people converting to Judaism which is a similar but ultimately very different conversation so I do want to clarify that I'm specifically referring to ethnically Jewish people.)

#tbh i do consider jewish people to be poc but that's also not my place to say #i didn't know elisha was jewish though! perhaps thats why they initially put her as asian in her acting bio/resume? #i remember it being like 1/4 singaporean but... idk it's been a minute since everything happened #also we still have no idea if that was even true or just like.. a rumor or something they put for what she Could pass as #anyway the reason i mentioned that mutual is because their response i think really highlights the divide in opinion #they had gotten an ask asking if jewish people counted as poc (thankfully being nice about it) #and they had responded that some are white and some are poc and they considered themselves white #and i had messaged them because i had thought all jewish people were considered poc while some were just white passing #ANYWAY the point is that this controversy affects them first and foremost so listening to jewish people is the most important thing here #but there are still differing opinions among jewish communities so as of rn youre not going to get a 'clear' answer #answered #if any actually jewish people wanna chime in thatd be really nice! no pressure obviously but i dont want to overstep yknow? #especially if anything i said was wrong! like dont worry about correcting me id love to hear it!!

[daimoan]

i tried so hard to be kind and sweet and all of these things that are supposed to be good? and valued? but im alone again and i dont think ill ever not be

#if you recently asked me how i am doing. sorry #i do remember and value that. its just very hard to trust that as something i could ever actually lean on #like even to say that feels like maybe i am overstepping. so. yeah thats where im at haha #ive just gotten burned way way too many times at this point #forged in fire??? burnt to ashes #i used to think phoenixes were relatable but not really anymore #the vibe has changed completely #and really im on my way out. not in like a super depressing way im not about to kill my body but when i say #im transitioning to a p zombie its . not a fucking joke im done here #my support group of all things went to shit yesterday too so i really have nowhere to stand im just breaking breaking. breaking. breaking . #dissolving. dying. and im like kind of hurt that nobody even cares enough to know these things about me #but how can i blame people for not knowing that asking me how im doing is not enough #or like how can i blame people for not caring #ppl got their own lives or whatever idk how this shit works. #man im just so so so done. #my friend told me about some future worries today and i was just sitting there like man. how do you even. #talk like you will have a future #like anything matters like any of this is real #because to me it's pretty clearly not #i didn't say that shit to him obviously #id like to keep a friend or two around just in case idk #someone to go on a walk with #sometimes he asks me what i think about stuff #i like listening to myself talk. so i benefit from that #anyway the point of this post was that while im done being a self im also very fucking done being selfless #acting like i think i can help people or something. i cant. i dont want to. i dont care. #i just dont fucking care anymore.