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#also even the ones where like they weren't groomed but where still betrayed like that
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Hi! First of all, love the AU and fic, I've been keeping up with it for about a year now and I love seeing new updates on it! Secondly, I was wondering two things... #1. Is Adderfang still Thistlestar's mentor in this AU? I don't believe we ever saw much of their Mentor-Apprentice relation in the fic if it existed, (likely because Adderfang hates Thistlestar so much xD) what was that like? Do you think Adderfang's reaction being so extreme was not only because he loves his daughter, but also because he felt betrayed at his former apprentice's actions? and #2. In Leopardstar's honor, a timeline is given for Mosspelt's pregnancy and relationship with Frogleap, and through another wonderful oversight by the Erins, Mosspelt apparently was pregnant while she was still an apprentice, from Frogleap, a cat who was ~4 years old. She gave birth around the same age as Spottedleaf had the Firesibs! I know that the BT timeline is a bit altered from canon, and that the fic pre-dates some later retcons from the series, like Volewhisper surviving. Is Frogleap having a predatory relationship with Mosspaw/pelt a thing that happened in BT? If so, what was that like for Mosspelt? Did she ever get any support in her hardships? did Dawnflower join the rebels out of a disdain for Thistlestar, knowing he has done terrible things like her father did as well? Anyways, that's about all. Sorry for such a long message! Thanks for putting so much time into your work and making such a great fic, and for taking the time to read my questions!!
yes Adderfang is still Thistlestar's mentor! i don't believe if it was ever mentioned in the fic or any one-shots, but he is lol. Adderfang's reaction was so extreme because Spottedpaw was his Precious Baby Girl and he very abruptly realized during the reveal how awful it was that someone in a position of power was getting with an apprentice (he would not have been so aggressive if this was a situation with a different apprentice and warrior---for example, Whitepaw and Goldenflower, or something. he cared and got protectively angry so much because it was his own daughter affected). the fact that Thistlestar was his own apprentice honestly didn't even cross his mind until it was over, and then it was just a very angry thought process of "i never taught him to be like that! (did i teach him to be like that?)" (yes, he taught him to be like that---not a predator, but he taught, unintentionally, Thistlestar to be more aggressive. remember, Adderfang was a part of Thistleclaw's groups that attacked kittypets for no reason.)
in BT canon, Mosspelt and Frogleap's relationship isn't touched upon much because I didn't realize how young Mosspelt was and also I'm not sure how much their age gap changes with the condensed timeline in BT lol. But! But! There are always hidden inappropriate relationships in the background (like, WillowTawny, although that's not really in the bg, but compared to SpottedThistle, GrassThistle, and DawnFinch, its not as prominent. also ShadeThistle is a bg bad-relationship. and i believe Cloudrunner x Morningflower would be one too, and there's definitely more. and future ones, like Snowbird x Scorchfur), so I do think Frog and Moss could be as it is in accidentally implied canon, where Frog groomed Moss. after all, most of RiverClan was pretty accepting of Thistle getting with Grass, weren't they? well, in general, it is---or was---unfortunately an acceptable part of clan culture. I do think that there is a multitude here; I think Frogleap is not as manipulative as Thistlestar, and cared more genuinely about Mosspelt and her emotions. While that does not make what he did okay AT ALL, I think Mosspelt did not experience as much negative emotions about the situation, and she doesn't perceive herself as being preyed upon. There are real life relationships like this, and they're definitely not ideal, and there's issues, but sometimes it just works out like that. i think there might have been issues down the line though, if Frogleap had survived, and Mosspelt had grown more as a person and developed differences in her personality than to how she was as an apprentice/young warrior. I'm getting "they died a happy couple, but if he had lived, she would have grown up and become more independent and he'd get upset at the changes, and then she'd divorce him" vibes
Dawnflower was one of Thistlestar's victims! it's mentioned a few times in passing that Thistlestar would 'go on patrol' with Dawnpaw, or look at Dawnpaw. actually, most young she-cats in RiverClan (Silverstream, Grasswhisker, Vixenleap, Shadepelt, Dawnflower, Primroseleaf, Feathertail, etc.) experienced some level of "creepiness" with Thistlestar. Dawnpaw/flower was one of the ones that Thistlestar would definitely say a bunch of weird shit to and touch her, but they never did anything past that. still, Dawnflower was scared shitless by him and terrified he'd do something she didn't want to him. she also just hated how aggressive/annoying Thistle and Lightning's rule was, so she left the instant she had an out (LeopardClan), though she was also really scared to leave her family/home behind, and worried for her siblings/friends. Dawnflower also definitely thinks of Frogleap (her dad) as a good warrior, and has no idea his and Mosspelt's relationship would have been similar to what she was experiencing (though, again, Mosspelt viewed Frogleap's attention as a much more positive thing, sort of like how Spottedleaf did with Thistlestar at the beginning. Meanwhile, Dawnflower was just always scared of his attention)
it's interesting, definitely, that Mosspelt stood against Thistlestar and what he'd done, yet never saw that she was victim to something similar too... though, to be fair, she joined LeopardClan because she supported Leopardfur as a close friend (through Frogleap) and knew Leopardfur was being unjustly accused, not necessarily out of a hatred of Thistlestar himself. much to think about...
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therealvikingstrash · 6 months
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I think hvitserk was wrong for raping that girl but in a way I think he was better than ubbe. For example when ubbe left margrethe and hvitserk take care her also if she was mad. He was so kind to her where no one elsa was😭
No, I don't think so. I doubt he would've helped a different woman in Margrethe's place. Anyone else would be dead. She was "lucky" that she let Hvitserk get his dick wet in the past. And also, he was wrong for raping the nun AND the women in Algeciras (and we don't know how many more) Don't forget those just because they weren't Saxon's.
In my humble opinion, many mistake Ubbe's choices for abuse or intentional pain inflicted on others. Meanwhile he is put into those situations by other's.
Ubbe was in a very difficult position with no one on his side after the fiasco in England. As far as he knew, both his brothers wanted him dead. Ivar, who he had basically raised and loved like his own son and Hvitserk who he loved more than anyone else, so much he shared his wife willingly with him. Ubbe was betrayed and his trust broken. He went with Lagertha and what she told him, because frankly, he didn't have many options in this situation. All the shit that happened made him numb and cold towards other's.
Torvi basically groomed him into a relationship with her (she used to be his babysitter for crying out loud!! And she still had this air of superiority towards him); he was more a father to Bjorn's children than Bjorn ever was. The reason he didn't kill Lagertha was that he didn't want to lose another brother (Bjorn). He didn't want to be alone. So he grasped for what was there. I don't think he liked betraying his mother, but she was dead and he was alive and needed to find a way to stay alive.
Margrethe had been a slave for a long time, possibly her whole life, the child of a slave perhaps. I cannot imagine the abuse and trauma she must've gone through. It messes with your mind and there are no modern doctors or therapists around, their society is NOT the same as the modern society. While they share some aspects, it is still different, obviously. There is no one who understands that those aren't demons who possess her and make her "crazy". She had horrible visions of death and was left alone with the children of the woman who- in her eyes- stole her husband. Sadly, she appeared to be a danger to Asa and Hali. Not so much to the others since she had zero fighting skills, but they couldn't leave her in Kattegat because they assumed she might've heard of their hiding place. She couldn't be roaming their hiding spot alone/unsupervised, because she could get it in her mind to walk back to Kattegat and maybe unintentionally give them away. They couldn't take her with them to England, because she could turn against them on the boat. You don't want to be in an enclosed space with a person who got massive PTSD and thinks of you as the enemy, trust me.
As horrible as it was to leave her there, they also knew Ivar was hot on their heels and she wouldn't be there on her own for long. Does that make it okay for them to put her in the pig pen? No, absolutely not. She could've been in the "house" with them, sheltered and warm. They even could've set her free before leaving, if they did it right before they got on the boat.
Yet we gotta keep in mind, none of those people knew what was going on with Margrethe and she acted strangely in their eyes. They had only Torvi's word that Margrethe tried to kill her kids and didn't think any further since children's lives are valued a lot. So they left her in chains.
Also, I think it wasn't even Ubbe's idea to put her away. I'm convinced it was Torvi's and Lagertha's idea. To humiliate her for trying to hurt Asa and Hali. I don't think Ubbe had much say in the matter and seriously, was he supposed to go against anything they decide? He had Bjorn, Lagertha, Torvi and Heahmund against him in that case- three of those extremely skilled fighters.
You don't think Lagertha would be this cruel to a fellow woman? Make no mistakes, if she wants something she sacrifices anything and everyone. She raped Harald Finehair and she killed Aslaug for no reason at all other than power play. I believe this kind of person is capable to put another woman in a burlap dress and chain her in a pig pen.
I love Hvitserk, but let's not twist the facts that he can be a cruel and non-caring bastard as well when he wants to be. And just because he is my fav, doesn't mean I let it slide to pin everything on Ubbe when he simply isn't the one at fault. He shouldn't have cheated and that one time he got aggressive towards Margrethe because of Lagertha's schemeing, was also wrong.
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wrenn-frug · 3 years
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As much as I love women led action movies the lead being basically groomed and then betrayed by their mentor who's effectively a father figure is not a trope I appreciate at all.
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yoonpobs · 3 years
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10 years | ksj
pairing: kim seokjin x oc (ft. brother!jimin)
genre: brother's best friend, angst, forgiveness?, teeny tiny fluff (it's barely there lol)
words: 7, 294
summary: 10 years change people but you still remember
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"Why are you freaking out?" Isabelle is attempting to get you to stay in one position, but it's fruitless when all you do is pace back and forth in the space of the changing rooms when you hear people barking orders from the outside.
"Why aren't you freaking out?" You exasperate.
Isabelle glares at you, nimble hands reaching to tighten the lace corset around your waist in one swift motion; turning your body to face her as she does her job of primping you up.
"You're being dramatic." She rolls her eyes.
You huff.
You loved Isabelle, probably because she's been working for your family for years and that she was the mother figure in your life that you never could have gotten from your own biological one—but also because she was the only person that knew her way around that thorny mind of yours.
"What would you do if you haven't seen someone in over ten years and the last memory you have with them is bitter?" You say in a hushed whisper.
Isabelle's eyes soften, hands reaching out to rest on your shoulders as your head droops, anxiety blooming in your chest even if you weren't the one getting married today.
"What can you do but say hello?" She says, "Time doesn't stop for anyone, _____."
You sigh, fiddling with your fingers when you hear the rustles of the curtains, causing both of your heads to turn towards the source of the noise.
"_____, your brother is asking for you." Lea, your brother's wedding planner, peeks her head through the curtains to call you.
Your heart betrays your seemingly calm stature as you begin to perspire, terrified of being face to face with the person that you should've been most excited to see.
"Time's up, ______. You can't run forever." Isabelle says, eyes solemn.
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"You'd think being an adult would mean you grow out of old habits ..." Jimin mutters, glaring at you when you finally make your appearance at the rehearsal dinner.
You stick your tongue out at him petulantly, unable to forget the fact that he was no longer the older brother that you hero-worshipped because he excelled in everything that he did, nor was he the kid that stole your figurines to spite you. He was a man, older and more mature—with a wedding to celebrate the beginning of a new life with his partner.
He looks nervous, you can tell because you know Jimin better than most—a position you begrudgingly gave up in replacement of his wife, Risa—so you offer him a squeeze of his shoulder, and a look to tell him that you were here, and he was okay.
Jimin accepts it with a small smile of gratitude, moving aside so you could take your seat on the VIP table where most of his important guests sat, meaning your parents, Risa's parents, the best man and the maid of honour.
From the moment you stepped foot into the hall, you spot the person that should have been unfamiliar to you, but all you can remember is what was the best years of your life that was taken away from you. It should've been hard to spot him through the pastels and people, but you've always had eyes for him—the foolish lens of a girl that didn't want to grow up.
Even as you seat at the table, mingling with your future sister-in-law, and the maid of honour, along with Risa's parents, you can't bring yourself to acknowledge him just yet, and he has yet to make it known that he acknowledges you too.
Perhaps it was the pettiness from both ends. The fact that neither of you wanted to step down just yet, the last known interaction between the both of you only causing your heart to constrict further. You wonder if he remembers you the way you have with him.
"______," Risa calls your name, leaning in to whisper into your ear as you snap your focus on her.
"Hey, sorry." You mumble, scratching your neck, "Was a little distracted."
Risa offers you an understanding smile and you're grateful to the heaven's above that Jimin managed to make a woman like her fall in love with him. It was a far better alternative and change from the demons he used to go for as a high schooler, and you fondly (but not really) remember fighting off crazy exes when your brother decided that they weren't his long-term.
"Is this about ..." You can tell Risa hesitates to say his name, knowing the matter was still a fresh wound for you even if you had a decade to heal.
You sigh, reaching for her hand to give it a squeeze, mustering a strong front so she wouldn't worry anymore.
"Don't worry about me. It's your special day." You remind her with a soft smile.
She scoffs.
"Not yet. This is to ensure nothing goes to shit and no one gets left at the altar on a real day." She mutters.
You giggle, and even Jimin picks up on his soon-to-be wife's comment and pinches her hip, giving her a glare that lacked any real malice. You observe the way Jimin leans into his fiancee's touch when she reaches for his hand, a gesture so simple but carried the weight of lovers that wholly trusted each other.
Sometimes you envied Jimin. Throughout your adolescent years, you were always pinned against him for reasons that you still cannot justify.
The two of you were fundamentally different in nature. Jimin was a quiet kid, but his actions were the ones that spoke for him instead. For what he couldn't say in words, he made up for through the results of his actions. As a younger sibling, watching Jimin excel in every activity that he sets his mind to make you worship him, wanting to be as talented and ambitious as he was.
If he did kendo, you'd sign up so you could carry on the legacy of his talent. When he ran for class president, so did you in your own grades. Everything was always stemmed around Jimin and what he did.
Even if he was quiet, he naturally took the lead in doing things. Where you were the polar opposite. A louder than life personality should have made you the proactive one, but deep down you were meek, timid and terrified of doing things out of your comfort zone.
It did hit a sore spot for you and Jimin's relationship when he grew up enough to no longer facilitate his baby sister's incessant whines and tugs to join him in his activities. You remember the day clearly when he told you that you were nothing but an extension of him.
When you look back, you can think of it as a fond memory of two teenagers that were horrible at speaking about their feelings, but you remember the hurt you felt; only wanting to be a part of Jimin's life when he wanted to be on his own.
It took a few years to repair the relationship that was fragile, to begin with, and it wasn't just the effort of you or Jimin, but—
"Hyung, do you need to run the video through IT to check if it's playable?"
You're brought back to the present when Jimin's voice breaks you out of your thoughts, and you instantly know who he's referring to.
The only person that he could comfortably refer to as 'hyung' was the only person that you have yet to greet, or acknowledge.
"I see what you're doing, Park. You're not seeing this video until the 13th."
The rest of the people at the table laugh at the banter between best friend's, but you remain uncharacteristically silent. No one picks up on it—or if they did, they know well enough not to point it out for the sake of maintaining normalcy at the table.
You listen attentively to the briefing run down by Lea, and you smile fondly at the fire that the young wedding planner carried in herself. She was meticulous, and you only had Risa to thank for managing to get the most dedicated wedding planner that you were sure was out there.
Eventually, you had to practice the walk-in from the runway, up until the altar behind where the bride and groom were to be situated. That meant you have shuffled around under Lea's commands, and that you caught more of his appearance than you would have liked.
Of course, he grew up beautifully. He had always been exceptionally good-looking even from when you were in high school up to your early college years. The birth lottery definitely favoured some people, and he was on the top of the list.
But he no longer had the same youthful charm that he did when you last saw him at 23. He looked rougher around the edges, lines on his face that come with time and experience, the stroke of a paintbrush that you weren't there to witness. Age did him well—and you couldn't deny the fact that as he grew, he also grew more attractive. The assuredness that comes with age, and the physique that you can only appreciate from afar.
The suit he's wearing is ever so flattering on his broad shoulders. He followed the theme well, a black blazer, with a deep-maroon sash draped over his shoulders. You applaud the designer that had done the fitting for him because it looked perfect, quite literally like it was made for him.
You feel mediocre immediately. The dress you were wearing was stunning—in the most objective sense—and you had a matching coloured sash that was draped around your hips instead, the corset accentuating your figure. But you were still far from comparison from him. You always have been.
"_____, could you please stand next to Jin?" Lea's voice calls out an order from the front of the altar, waving her notebook at you to step aside.
Your eyes widen as you feel the blood in your face drain, hearing your new position for the photo session.
You don't want to throw anyone off, or make Jimin's special day about you—so you suck it up, take a deep breath and shuffle into position next to Jin.
His presence is overwhelming. It's like he's there but he isn't. He doesn't feel like he's there, probably because of how long the two of you haven't spoken to each other, basically strangers. You don't acknowledge him even when your shoulder accidentally brushes against his arm, and you definitely don't acknowledge him when Lea smiles at the two of you and says perfect.
You see Risa's concerned stare on the two of you, but you give her a tight smile and mouth to her to focus on what Lea's saying instead. She narrows her eyes at you but finally relents when you nod your head to tell her that it was fine.
You were older. You weren't going to let some ... you didn't even know what to call it. But you weren't going to let the past make you feel uncomfortable when the future hasn't been told just yet.
"Jin—could you loosen up a little? It looks like you're constipated and your face isn't going to make up for that on camera," Lea deadpans, shooting a blunt comment straight at Jin.
He flushes beside you, but you don't look at him to know that because you hypothesised that he still has the same habit of his ear's turning red if all attention is on him.
"You and I know my face would've been the highlight of the picture if it weren't for the lovebirds." He quips back.
You can't find it in yourself to laugh yet when others do, but you look down at your feet to pretend like you were distracted.
Even his voice sounds more like himself. He had always been Jin, but it's like he grew out of the mould he forced himself into when you last saw him; a more relaxed yet determined version of the past that no longer exists.
"Jin!" Lea calls out.
"That seems to be your favourite word today ..." Jin mutters, which causes Jimin to snort at his best friend's antics.
Risa slaps your brother on his shoulder and narrows her eyes at him, and it's comical how fast she managed to get him to neutralise his expression.
"For a very good reason," Lea retorts, "Could you hold _____ by the waist? The space between the two of you looks too awkward."
If only she knew.
This was possibly the situation that you wanted to avoid the most, not even acknowledging him yourself, or his name to say hello—but he had to hold you close like you were something to him.
"Shouldn't he be holding the maid of honour—?" You helplessly try to reason, but the words get stuck in your throat when Lea glares at you.
For someone younger than you, and smaller than you in height too—she was terrified when she had to be.
"It's ... fine," Jin says after a beat of silence.
Then, his hand snakes around your waist so snug as he pulls you slightly closer to him that you almost lose your footing.
You gulp, unable to ignore the heat of his grasp or the way that it feels so natural as he rests his palm loosely on your hips, fingers drumming against the bone absentmindedly as Lea directs the photographer with angles that she best believe captures the moment.
When the photographer begins the countdown, you force a smile as genuine as you can, while Jin squeezes your hips as the shutter goes off.
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"You two looked comfy." Jimin slides into the seat next to you after the rehearsal, rubbing on his eye with a cotton pad to remove the makeup that was applied on him.
You scowl, swatting his hand away to berate him for causing wrinkles so early on as he huffs at your adamancy.
"Don't ignore me," He pokes your side as you sigh.
"Then don't overthink it, okay? It was for the picture." You grumble, eyes focused on the bits and bobs of makeup tools at the vanity inside the changing rooms.
You can feel Jimin's stare on you, as well as how hard he thinks. Call it a sibling intuition, but you knew exactly when he was overanalysing situations, and you felt that at this exact moment.
"You know you have to speak to him eventually, right?" Jimin says after a while.
You freeze, fingers pausing as you tap against the table. Your eyes meet Jimin's through the mirror and you know he's serious, his expression says it all. But he wasn't there when it happened, and he wasn't you to feel how it felt.
"I went for ten years without talking to him. Another ten won't be hard." You clip.
Jimin sighs, turning his body to face you as you keep your shoulders towards him. It feels very much like when you were younger when Jimin sat you down to lecture you about your behaviour, or reprimanding you for doing certain things to keep you safe.
But it's vastly different. You're twenty-eight now, and you no longer took Jimin's words as the word of God, and he knew that.
"I don't know what exactly what went down between the two of you but according to Jin—"
"And you don't need to. It's been ages, Jimin. I've moved on." You snap.
Jimin purses his lips, seeing the way you're beginning to draw up all your walls against him again. It makes his heart clench because there was a time where you would have told him everything, where you would have confided him when you were having troubles. But he knew he ruined that relationship himself, and even if it's been over a decade since that fight the two of you had, the scar of the experience would always be there to haunt you both.
He knew you didn't hold it against him anymore, but he also recognised the way you'd subtly pull away sometimes, the reason why you never visited as often as you said you would in your infrequent phone calls.
"I'm just ..." He mumbles, looking at you earnestly but you don't return the stare, "I'm worried, ______."
You scoff.
"You don't need to. I won't cause a scene at your wedding, okay? I—I'm not like that ..." You start off strong, but finish in a soft whisper.
Jimin's eyes soften when he reaches a hand to rest against your shoulder.
"That's not what I meant." He sighs.
"Whatever it is that you meant just ... forget it, okay? I'm a grown-up now. I'm not your baby sister anymore." You tell him.
He flinches at the bluntness of your words but knows that you don't mean any harm to them. It was the truth that he had a hard time accepting, especially when he could've been there for you more during the years of university and the beginning of your work-life.
"I ..." Jimin trails off.
You sigh, turning around to finally face him.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that," You wince, "It's just that ... you don't need to worry about my battles anymore, Jimin. I've learnt how to deal with them on my own and you have your own set of things to worry about. I'll always be your sister, and nothing will change that—but I'm just not the same, impressionable girl I was a decade ago."
Jimin bites his lip as he mulls over your words, a fact hard for him to accept but nevertheless, he must. He always had the tendency to be overprotective and possessive, whether it be of his relationships, activities or belongings—it was an ugly trait that got the best of him from time to time.
He knew deep down, that he played a part in why you and Jin are so sour with each other, and he can't easily get rid of that guilt.
"I know, I know," He exhales, "If that's the case then ..."
You raise an eyebrow, willing him to continue.
"Then?"
"Don't let me be the reason why you can't fight your battles," He tells you softly.
Your expression remains stoic, but you internally agree with what he says. You'd never blame Jimin, and you knew it was irrational to do so—but the ugly feeling of needing someone to blame that wasn't yourself or Jin was dominant in your conscious.
"I promise." You smile at him extending your pinky finger out, and he grins at the old ritual the two of you would do as kids.
"Good." He ruffles your hair, and you glare at him when he messes up your up-do that Isabelle spent a long time on.
"Dude!" You whine, but he snickers at your reaction.
"Ah, can't believe that I'm getting married in a week." He adds as he stares at the ceiling.
You smile to yourself and nod your head in agreement.
"Remember when you told me you were going to marry Hana?" You snort.
He grimaces, the memories of his college self resurfacing at the reminder of his ex-girlfriend's name.
"Thank God you snapped me out of it," He whistles lowly, "She was fucking insane."
You chuckle at that because Jimin sure had a type, and it was the insane girls with daddy issues. Even Risa was a little crazy but she had a good heart to make up for it.
"It seems to be a trend with you." You shrug your shoulders.
He narrows his eyes at you and flicks you on the forehead before he glances down at his watch to curse under his breath.
"Fuck. I have a meeting at the office," He groans.
Your lips tilt upwards at his distraught as you pat him on the shoulder, gesturing him to leave.
"Don't worry. I'll find my way home."
"Are you sure—"
"Yes, Jimin—I'm sure. Now leave before they find a new CEO." You quip teasingly.
He thanks you, and presses a kiss onto your forehead before he scampers off, grabbing at his coat before he's out the door.
Once he's out of the room, you sigh to yourself; suddenly oddly nostalgic at your childhood, up to teenage memories as you and Jimin were speaking about it.
You purse your lips, unable to get Jin out of your head even when you look back to all the fun times you had as a teenager because he's always been there ... until he wasn't.
You wince, remembering the day it happened so clearly.
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The smell of burnt something pricks the air and you only have yourself to blame.
You curse when you see clouds of black smoke escaping the small vents of your oven, the shady proof of how horrible you were at baking even if it was for a cause that resonated deeply in your heart.
You were thankful that your mom wasn’t home to witness your blunder because she surely would have yapped your ear off for trusting your clumsy self in the kitchen, let alone baking a recipe that was far out of your skill range.
“Why does it smell like—_____, really?” Jimin’s voice enters your thoughts as he ascends down the stairs of your home to spot you hastily fanning the smoke away with your mittens.
“Can you shut up and help me?” You hiss.
He laughs, loud and clear as he clutches his stomach to control his body.
“Dude—why?” He wheezes.
You chuck one of the mittens at him when he finally enters the kitchen, body moving at its own accord to get the trash bin along with the mitten that you threw at him while he pushes your body aside.
“Jin’s leaving tomorrow so I thought I would make some of his favourite shortbreads …” You mutter.
Jimin gracefully plucks out the burnt batch of shortbread and chucks it into the waste bin as you pout at your efforts being thrown away.
“And you didn’t bother asking for help when you know he gets his shortbread’s from a bakery?” He deadpans.
You roll your eyes and wipe your hands on your apron as you sigh.
“Look—I wasn’t thinking and now I don’t have anything to give him before he leaves!” You pout.
Jimin eyes you suspiciously and raises an eyebrow as he leans against the counter to observe your sullen expression.
“So? It’s not like he’d care.”
You glare at him.
“Well—I care.” You retort.
Jimin is silent for a moment before his eyes widen, his body inching closer to yours as if he found out something that he needed to tell you.
“Do you … do you like Jin?” Jimin gasps.
Your eyes widen, cheeks reddening simultaneously as you quickly shake your head to deny the fact—even though your heart and face betray you.
“W-What?” You squeak, “Of course not! It’s just a nice gesture to send him off.”
Jimin scoffs and narrows his eyes at you accusingly.
“Then why did you go out of your way to bake him something he likes when you know you’re hopeless in the kitchen?”
You roll your eyes, hoping your nonchalance plays off well enough to distract Jimin from the way your handshakes at the prospect of being caught.
“He’s my friend, Jimin. I do nice things for my friends sometimes.”
Jimin looks like he doesn’t believe you, and you wish that for one moment he wouldn’t use his brain to overthink your words or the sibling telepathy he claims to have to unravel your heart’s true intentions.
“He’s my best friend. Aren’t I supposed to be the one doing all of …” He gestures to the mess of the kitchen you left it in, “… this?”
“Well you don’t own him and you definitely don’t pick who Jin’s friends with. So fuck off will you?” You snap.
Jimin narrows his eyes at you.
“He’s five years older than you.” He reminds you slowly.
You sigh, busying yourself with cleaning up the kitchen counter.
“And? You’re two years older than me but you don’t see me condemning our sibling-ship.” You retort.
“That’s not what I meant,” He groans, “He doesn’t need a kid having a crush on him, okay? He’s off to university.”
The way Jimin uses the word ‘kid’ doesn’t sit well with you, as if to tell you that you were inferior to him and Jin because you were younger than him. But you weren’t far off, and heck, you’d argue that you were far more mature than your brother or any of his friends.
“I’m graduating high school this year.” You sneer.
“And Jin is off to university!” He exasperates.
“I don’t know what your problem is because I—don’t—have—a—crush—on—him!” You emphasise with a shove of your finger to his chest with every word.
“You better not because that’ll be weird. I don’t need my sister crushing on my best friend.” He scrunches his nose when he says that.
The drop of your heart is inevitable, but you’ve long decided that you don’t live your life to please Jimin anymore, and what you wanted what was what mattered.
“Yeah, yeah,” You wave him off, chucking the last bit of your dishes into the sink before you glance over at the clock.
“Tell mom I’ll be out!” You say, throwing off your apron as you quickly check your appearance when you grab for your car keys.
“Where are you going?” Jimin asks.
You glare at him, slipping on your shoes as quickly as you possibly can before you call out to him, halfway out the door:
“Jin’s!”
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“Oh, hey _____.” Jin is surprised when you turn up on his doorstep.
“Hey yourself,” You smile, stepping in after you’ve slipped your shoes off.
“What … what are you doing here?” He asks when the two of you make your way up to his room, after offering a greeting to his parents and brother in the kitchen.
You flop on to the beanbag at the corner of his room and give him a knowing stare.
“You’re leaving tomorrow.” You say.
He nods his head, understanding as he glances around his barren room, most of his belongings packed away in his luggage.
“Are you here to say goodbye?” He teases.
You scoff.
“I suppose.” You shrug, “There was supposed to be shortbread too but …”
He laughs, a sound that you’ve come to adore, even as a young girl you always thought Jin was the funniest person ever. When Jimin would argue that he was funnier, you’d always jump to defend Jin’s ability to make you laugh instead.
“I appreciate the sentiment,” He says to you, plopping down to sit across from you.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving.” You sigh, resting your head against the plushness of the beanbag.
Jin snorts.
“Why does it sound like I’m never coming back?” He jokes.
“Well, for starters, you’re going to be in a completely different time-zone. Two, flight tickets get super expensive during the holiday season’s so I doubt you’d be back. And three—you’d probably make cool university friends keep you company so that you wouldn’t wanna’ come back anyways.”
Jin looks at you, lips twitching upwards as you complain.
“You … you thought that through, huh?”
You roll your eyes, chucking a figurine in his direction.
“Just, promise to call?” You whisper.
He smiles softly at you and nods.
“Course’. I’ll ring Jimin up and we can all talk.”
You blink at his choice of words, afraid he’s misunderstood your point.
“I mean … you can call me …” You mutter.
Jin pauses for a moment, before catching himself and chuckling softly under his breath.
“Wouldn’t that be kind of weird …?”
His choice of words only reminds you of Jimin’s tone when he warned you against your apparent (but very present) crush on Jin.
“Why would it be weird?” You tilt your head to the side.
He snorts at your question and you frown because you don’t understand what aspect of it was funny at all.
“Come on, you’re Jimin’s baby sister. If I called you it would seem predatorial, won’t it? I’m literally five years older than you.”
You don’t think he means to sound condescending, but the tone of his words definitely come across that way. You bite your tongue to not say anything rash just yet, as you take a deep breath before you respond.
“We’re friends … and I turn eighteen in June.” You remind him about your birthday coming in two months.
He shrugs.
“Yes but it’s still weird. It would just seem like we’re together, you know?”
His words make you freeze, eyes widening at his implication.
“Would that be such a bad thing …?” You whisper, and the words leave your mouth before you can think twice.
Jin hears you loud and clear, and his eyes widen. You see his body tense and the way he shifts away from you ever-so-slightly that it makes your heart drop.
“_____ … I don’t …” He tries to navigate the topic, but your eyes are bored straight on his face and it flusters him.
“You’re a kid, _____. I don’t date kids.” He snaps, deciding to opt for a defensive approach.
The demeaning term sets you off as you feel anger bubble through your system in bursts of hotness.
“I’m not a fucking kid!” You snap, and his eyes widen at your tone.
“Woah, calm down—”
“Don’t tell me what to do,” You lash out, “I’m not some dumb or naive child that doesn’t know what’s right or wrong, okay? I’m turning eighteen this year—and I—I thought you were better than this. How could you be so shallow?”
Jin scoffs.
“Shallow? _____,” He deadpans, “You’re just turning eighteen and I’m twenty-three. That’s a whole five-year difference. I don’t think you’re dumb but the thought of dating you right after you turn eighteen is just …” He shudders.
You still.
You didn’t know Jin could hurt you so much with just words, but he did just that. He didn’t need to say much, but you felt every sting that came with his intentions.
“Who said anything about dating?” You ask hoarsely, “I just said to call me.”
Jin softens a little, turning to face you as he sighs.
“_____ … I know you have a crush on me and—”
You’re absolutely mortified when he exposes you out in the open like that, the truth left out for both of you to mull over; but even worse for you as you were the one that was on the plank.
“Why does everyone keep saying that!” You snap, embarrassment crawling up your neck as you avoid his gaze, attempting to deflect.
“—I don’t need you waiting for me when I’m off to university. I’ll be fucking around a lot and you don’t deserve that.”
You gape at him, stunned at his audacity.
“Do you think I’m that pathetic?” You laugh, but there’s no humour in it.
“What? No—”
“Oh, you so do, Kim Seokjin,” You snarl, “Do you think I would wait for you? To live out some stupid fairytale? Yes—I have a crush on you but that’s all there is to it—a fucking crush!” You yell.
His eyes widen, attempting to reach out for you to calm you down, but you shift away.
“I’m not asking for your hand in marriage but just for a fucking phone call. I’m not even asking you to like me back!” You throw your hands into the air.
“But you’re implying it! Why else would I call some girl that I’m only friends with cause' of her brother if I didn’t like her?”
That’s all it takes for silence to overtake the both of you, your mouth stunned shut as your eyes widen at his words.
“What?” You choke.
It’s like Jin is blinded by the need to defend himself, a carnal desire to protect his own heart to make him feel less like a weirdo about the way his best friend’s little sister makes him feel. An odd feeling he never wanted to acknowledge until he acknowledged you.
“I mean exactly what I said, ____,” He spits so vehemently that he doesn’t recognise himself, “All you do is follow us around like some helpless puppy because of what—your crush on me? Get over it because I’ll never like you.”
You freeze, and your heart does too.
“Do you think I willingly talk to you? It’s because of Jimin! You’re his baby sister. What else could I do? Tell you to fuck off?” He snaps.
Your lip trembles but you will yourself not to cry in front of him. Not this boy who thinks of you that way, as someone’s baby sister rather than who you were.
“You don’t need to tell me anything,” You say, oddly calm, but your glassy eyes are what snaps Jin out of it.
“Wait … ____,” He sighs.
“I’ll fuck off myself, all right?” You grit, pushing yourself off the beanbag before you’re storming out of his room.
Jin doesn’t bother chasing after you because he’s mulling over his words, absolutely disgusted with what he said. His parents and brother miss you when you’re out the door crying.
Jimin doesn’t even ask how you were.
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“Oh—”
It’s like he’s always there at your most vulnerable moments.
Jin is hovering by the entrance of the changing room awkwardly, his limbs too long for the tight space.
He startles you out of your reminiscent state as you clutch the robe to your chest, acutely aware of the fact that you were in nothing but your bra and underwear underneath it.
You flush, avoiding his eyes, afraid that if you looked at them; all you would remember is what he said to you.
“It’s fine,” You parrot the words he said to you earlier, and quickly pack your belongings, and casual clothes into a bag to make your way out back into your hotel room.
As you brush past him, he stops you with his voice.
“______.”
You freeze, hands still tightly gripping your robe as you feel his eyes rake over your body. You feel both exposed and safe, because once upon a time—Jin was the person that could comfort you the most.
“Yes?” You say in a clipped tone.
You hear him sigh, and you’re about to leave until he interrupts you again.
“How are you?”
You nearly scoff at the mediocre question he poses when the situation between the two of you is anything but. The question seems so out of place when the room is so tense, the ghost of his words here to haunt you both.
“Good.” Is all you respond with before you try to leave.
He grabs you by the elbow, gently, but enough for you to fall against his chest, his arms reaching around to grab you before you fall.
The opening to your robe falls a bit, and his eyes dart away out of respect as you quickly shove it closed with reddened ears.
“What do you want?” You snap.
He winces at your hostility but doesn’t blame you for it.
“I just wanted to catch up with you,” He shrugs.
Now, you scoff. It’s because Jin is still so irrevocably him, that in any other circumstance you’d smile in fondness at his ability to make any situation simple as if there wasn’t history between the two of you.
“Do you now?” You say blandly, “What do you want to know? I’m still Jimin’s baby sister if you were wondering.” You say bitterly.
Jin freezes and sighs when you bring it up; alluding to what he said to you that night years ago.
“Actually … I wanted to apologise,” He confesses.
At that, you still.
Apologise?
Did you need an apology? Wasn’t that what usually fixed conflict?
But no, an apology wasn’t going to fix the years of insecurity that you were left with when he was gone, always nitpicking at your flaws and your identity; wondering if it were really only an extension of your older brother.
Even though you were older, and somewhat more rational—there was still a part of you that wanted to blame Jin for your insecurities, even though you knew that was a war between you and yourself.
“For what? Calling me an extension of my brother or that our friendship was to please Jimin?” You snarl.
He winces and releases the hold he has on your elbow as he rubs his hand across his face.
“I was young and—”
You scoff.
“Young? I thought you were too old back then? Where was this energy ten years ago?”
His eyes narrow at you, and he noticed that you definitely grew a backbone—and a mouth. It was inappropriate still, to think of you any other way right now when he was attempting to apologise to you.
But your beauty was dangerous, and you’ve always been a pretty thing; even when you were growing up. The truth he uttered a decade ago was somewhat the truth still, he felt way too … old to be with you, even if his heart begged for him to keep you close.
“I don’t know why I said the things I did, _____.” He sighs.
You turn around, face contorted with every emotion you’ve been withholding since that fateful night.
“Let me tell you then,” You shove a finger into his chest.
“You’re pathetic,” You spit, hoping to hurt him as much as he’s hurt you.
His eyes widen when you lean in closer.
“You liked me too and you had no fucking clue what to do about it, so you pushed me away the one night I asked for a small favour. You wanted to protect yourself because you’re too in your head thinking that your feelings matter more than anyone else’s, am I right Jin?”
“_______ …”
“Shut up,” You snap.
He does, and he sees the fire in your eyes burn brighter.
“You thought you were the only one that was struggling with their emotions but guesses what—you weren’t,” You whisper, “I was too. And I pushed it aside every moment I spent with you because I knew that it wasn’t my position to decide for you if you liked me or not.”
His hand reaches out to cup your face, something instinctual inside of him told him to do so—wanting to hold you close. To his surprise, you don’t pull away. Your features soften, but you haven’t done your piece just yet.
“But you … you decided for me.” You say softly, “You showed me how much of a piece of shit you were that night.”
Jin’s eyes widen, and the words hurt—but nothing compared to how he felt when you blocked him everywhere, even to go as far to tell Jimin to never mention your name to him.
It sucked for the first two years, but eventually as you went to college and university, you unblocked him. Was it out of spite to let him see how well you were doing? Or the boyfriend that you had?
Maybe.
“_____, I’m sorry.”
Here he was, at thirty-four years old, apologising to you much like a man would—and you can’t help but admire his face when you lean in, heart willing yourself to act rather than your rationale.
“I forgave you a long time ago,” You say.
It seems that you shock him more and more with each second that passes. You weren’t the same girl you were a decade ago, but yet traces of you still lingered in your features, your smile, your voice and your words. It was just you, but older.
“It was for me.” You tell him softly and he nods his head in understanding, cupping your jaw.
“You have no idea how much I regret that night, ______.” He whispers.
You purse your lips.
“What will regret bring you, Jin? A do-over?”
This time he goes silent to observe your face. It’s no longer the same cold stare you’ve been giving him the entire day or the fact that you’ve been ignoring his presence until he found you tucked away in the changing room—a tip-off from Jimin.
“No but … you’re right,” He tells you, “I wanted to protect myself and it was selfish. I can’t change what I said or did but I’m here now and—my heart is still the same.”
“Ten years change people, Jin. I’ve changed and so did you. Maybe you liked the girl I was when I was eighteen but I’m nowhere near in the same mind-space I was back then.” You tell him.
Even though your own heart betrays you by beating rapidly against your chests the closer the holds you, you knew that acting out of your rationale would only end up with you being hurt yet again. You forgave Jin … sure you did. But ten years was far too long to accept the fact he may feel the same.
“I know but I couldn’t forget you, not when I was in university and not when I started working.” He confesses, eyes burning into your own.
You purse your lips and stand your ground. A hand reaches to clasp his, slowly pushing it away from your face as you sigh. You notice the crestfallen expression on his face, but you don’t comment on it.
“I forgave you but that doesn’t mean I forgot what you said to me that night …” You tell him, “I know I was young and that you aren’t responsible for my insecurities but you told me every single thing that I was terrified of.”
His eyes soften but ensuring he kept his distance when you slightly pull away.
“_____—” He sighs.
“No, Jin,” You tell him firmly, “You were the person that mended Jimin and I’s relationship so you knew how much it ruined me to believe that I was nothing but a product of his aspirations. That I had nothing for myself but who my brother was. I struggled so much to find my footing as a teenager and I didn’t even know what I liked and didn’t like it because the lines were so blurred between my own interests and Jimin’s.”
Suddenly, he sees a little glimpse of the girl when you were eighteen peakings through your exterior. You still sounded a little unsure of yourself, words shaking ever so slightly.
“And for the person to tell me that I was more than just Park Jimin’s sister to … to …” You swallow, the words stuck in your throat because as much as forgiving Jin was for him as it was to you, the words still haunt your mind.
“To say that I was just an extension of my brother?” You whisper, “I didn’t know who I was then but I lost who I tried to be when you said that.”
Jin bites his lip, feeling awful. But he knew that he had no right to feel like he was the one that was hurt when his words plagued your mind for years.
“Whatever your feelings are at this moment …” You trail off, clutching your belongings to your chest, ready to leave without another glance, “They’re just your guilt telling you to hold on to something you didn’t get closure with.”
You look over at him once more, a solemn expression on your face.
“This is your closure, Jin.”
You leave without sparing him another glance, and the man stands in the empty changing room feeling a lot different. He thought he’d amended things, but when you leave, it feels as bad as it had been ten years ago.
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