#also for legal reason the in-laws joke is in fact a joke i'm happily married to my poor suffering husband

[sheikah]

Ok so of course it couldn’t go off completely without a hitch because it is ME we’re talking about here lmao. So they were about a half hour behind schedule, right? So I’d been waiting about 40 mins, drinking water, panicking. So I had to go pee. I simply had to. And when I got back in my room there is Ben freaking Barnes’ face up on my Zoom WAITING FOR ME. GOD. THE SHAME. Anyway he was really cool and funny about it. When I sat down he said, “Well, hello,” in like a scolding, teasing, you-were-being-naughty voice, and he was laughing and I was laughing so in a way it’s good this happened because it broke all the ice IMMEDIATELY. He then told me, “I LOVE your hair.” Just instantly and with such emphasis. A WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was blushing so much please????

He asked where I was and I thought he meant like... the room I was in. Because we have a homemade arcade machine in the office right behind me and people always comment on it on Zoom calls so we talked about that for a second and then he clarified like where I am geographically and I said Louisiana and he went on about how he loves New Orleans (SAME, MARRY ME!!!!!!) and it’s one of his favorite places in the world and he started to tell me some story of visiting Nola with his parents and then cut himself off and said, “You don’t need to hear this story,” and internally I was screaming, YES I DO I NEED TO LEARN EVERYTHING I CAN ABOUT MY FUTURE IN-LAWS. Then he mentioned the Creole food and the street music and I used this as an opportunity to gushingly tell him he would fit in great there because he’s such a brilliant musician. I hope he appreciated that lmao.

Then he asked how I was doing and if I had questions. I answered honestly: that I was still kind of freaking out that I was late to this huge moment I’ve been looking forward to lmao. He laughed it off and said it was ok and they would add more time at the end (I was honestly less than one min late). 

So I just told him I was a huge fan, had followed his work a lot over the past two years but first discovered him when I was a teenager working at a movie theater and saw Caspian and loved it, how I would drag my friends to watch it between busy times on the clock. He said he was jealous of my movie theater job and that he was a waiter at an Italian restaurant back then and hated it, and I concurred that service industry is the worst lol.

I told him the Darkling was my favorite character and that he gave us book fans everything we could want and more, and thanked him for his thoughtful portrayal and for caring so much, and he seemed really grateful and sweet about it.

Then I said that my question was about books, and that I was an English professor. He was really surprised by this and asked, “Really????” So I said that I taught at my local college and in a lot of ways it’s my dream job to be able to teach the stories I love. And he sort of spaced out for a second and then was like, “I’m sorry, I’m just thinking about how much I love that you said that. That you have your dream job. That’s amazing.” LISTEN, it took everything in me not to instantly propose marriage at this moment like I was tearing up ok. I LOVE THIS MAN.

So anyway, I said, “I bring all this up because I know you were also an English lit major. So English major to English major, what’s you’re favorite book?" And he launched into this great talk about Atonement and how it makes him cry (Jesus save me, I was smiling so hard right here to hide the tears lmao) and then talked about this book called Birdsong that he’d done a stage adaptation for, and said that was probably his favorite. Then the lady tried to cut us off and end it, but he said no and asked for ME to recommend a book to him. The first one I could think of that I’d read recently that I think he might like is The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue so I went with that. And he wrote it down.

Then the moderator lady who showed up did a screenshot for us, and I asked if we could pose with “Darkling hands” like that scene in the Fold. He said yes! I am allowed to post that so I will when they send it.

Then HE thanked ME as if he didn’t just singlehandedly fill my body with enough serotonin for a lifetime, said, “Kristen, you’re such a sweetheart,” and left. And now I just have to try to... go about the rest of my day as if THAT didn’t just happen. Wow.

Tbh I’m so insanely grateful because I only paid for one meeting, which is three mins. But he talked to me for six mins!

I didn’t think I could love this man any more than I already did. AND YET

#i'm literally weeping rn #like crying over how much i love him #ben barnes you are my everything #also for legal reason the in-laws joke is in fact a joke i'm happily married to my poor suffering husband #who is currently laughing his ass off at this whole thing and my absolutely starstruck existence rn #bin bons #the sacred texts!