#also fuck robin and Demetrius

[lea-andres]

@pacdevil and I were discussing different seasonal events that could be fun in Stardew Valley (because I am still obsessed with the green rain) last night on Discord. I'm still obsessed so I'll move them here.

- Solar Eclipse - Everyone's avoiding Demetrius and Harvey all week before the eclipse like the plague lmao. Demetrius keeps cornering everyone to ramble about the science of the upcoming event, Harvey keeps handing out eclipse glasses and making it known that if anyone melts their eyes during the eclipse he will kill them. (Shane pre-6 Heart: What if I melted my eyes on purpose? Just kidding, haha... ...Unless...) During the actual eclipse itself maybe we could have a cute graphic in the corner showing off what the sun's looking like as it starts to darken in game. Animals start acting weird. Most everyone's all up in the mountains at Robin and Demetrius's place watching. (Demetrius and Maru have the telescope and several other pieces of equipment out.) Someone made sure Linus got glasses so he can safely watch it too. 🥹

- Fog - This was pacdevil's idea lmao. Spooky fog rolls in off the sea in the fall. Can't see shit. Willy freaks out half the town with fog at sea scary stories (admits next day he was just yanking everyone's legs lmao)

- Blizzard - Also can't see shit, maybe you slowly take damage if you just stand outside not doing anything in it, maybe some routes around are blocked off by snow drifts. Most people are in the Saloon, roaring fire going and hot drinks passed around. I bet Leah and Elliott don't have heating in their homes and will tell you all about that lmao. Someone haul Linus inside, PLEASE! If you're cold, he's cold! 😭

-Cicadas - If ConcernedApe wanted to be really funny this would happen on Year 7 lmao. A big brood of cicadas emerge from the ground and are on every tree, buzzing. Most people in town are grossed out, Demetrius is having a fucking blast.

#stardew valley #sdv #i'm not tagging everyone

[stardew-shitposterino]

Stardew Valley Bachelor/ettes and their sexuality headcanons

Yeah yeah I know, they are all canonically bisexual or something like that, but I have some headcanons to go further into it as to just say “he/she is bi”. It’s my silly little blog and I get to choose the content ok lol anyway:

Content warning: slight nsfw so minors DNI

Bachelors:

Sam: raging bisexual and proud. Doesn’t care what others think of it, maybe his mum and dad though, speaking of that with them feels still kinda weird as he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about such things with them. But overall he never gave his sexuality a second thought and goes with whoever he has caught feelings for.

Sebastian: bisexual but is more into women. Feels uncomfortable speaking about it. He didn’t know he liked men until he met the farmer (if they are male). He felt ashamed of his feelings for the same sex, but the farmer helped him come out of his shell. Robin and Maru don’t care and support him no matter what, Demetrius however…but it doesn’t matter who it is he likes, this guy will always pick a fight with Sebby so yeah.

Harvey: again, bisexual but prefers women. Has kissed a man before in his college days doing some dumb drinking game (he liked it more than he likes to admit) but never done more. He’s knows that homosexuality is natural in all sorts of species and therefore doesn’t think it’s weird. However, he feels a bit awkward having to confront himself about his own bisexuality, but he generally feels shy about his personal matters, especially when it might get people talking. When he catches feelings for the male farmer, he fears that the farmer will think poorly of his attraction and therefore has a harder time accepting his feelings for them than for the female farmer.

Shane: I said it before, I’ll say it again: man fucked in his gridball days, mostly women, again, but he also had a thing with a guy. He doesn’t like to speak about his bisexuality and pretends he’s straight because it’s less of a hassle to say if he’s asked. He doesn’t want the surprised looks of people because he doesn’t seem like a guy who’d also date men. Despite that, he likes women a tad more (boob guy, also likes eating 🐱), but he can’t deny his attraction towards male athletic builds. He won’t ever admit it though, of course.

Elliott: bisexual and proud. Has no preference whatsoever. He mostly writes about heterosexual relationships and loves the female anatomy as it’s different to his, therefore more intriguing to him in an artistic aspect, but he won’t pick favourites. All bodies have their perks and he’s open to give love to every body that’s attached to a person he loves. His first relationship was with a man, but he always knew that his attraction is not limited to one. He’s a romantic artist, and therefore finds beauty in all different shapes and sizes.

Alex: bisexual but says he’s straight because he is convinced he is. The hours he spent looking at shredded man abs in his youth definitely weren’t first indicators, he just wanted to look like this, not look AT this. He also definitely didn’t have some codependent homoerotic friendship with a fellow sportsman in high school, no no couldn’t be him. He prefers women, or it’s his denial, who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️ needless to say, he assumes he’s straight till he meets the (male) farmer and is immediately struck by love. It puts him in a spiral, but eventually he accepts his feelings and is happy he is finally true to himself.

——————————————————————————

Bachelorettes:

Haley: bisexual but prefers men. She has had a thing for the shy girl in high school, but decided to bully her instead as it seemed easier for her than come clean to herself about her feelings for another woman, a woman that doesn’t play in her league popularity-wise specifically. The relationships she had with men were mostly superficial and loveless, but she took it as a necessary evil. That stops when she meets the farmer. If the farmer is female, she will finally open up about being bisexual, happy she isn’t in denial anymore and true to herself after years of self hatred regarding that part of herself. If the farmer is male, she will be more than happy to know that she isn’t broken and that her past lovers were just sacks of shit that didn’t care about her lol.

Emily: bisexual, thought she’s a lesbian. She has a thing for her friend Sandy, let’s be real here. Also dated Shane in college for at least a couple of weeks until they realised they don’t have a thing for each other and are better off being friends. Because of that, she thought she’s homosexual as she never had any romantic feelings for a man. That changes when she meets the farmer though. If male, she will discover her bisexuality and be excited to explore new sides of herself. If female, she will stay thinking she’s a lesbian and be happy with her cute wife.

Leah: bisexual and knows it. Leah is gay or straight depending on what gender the player is, but I think she’s just open to whatever, but would like to say she’s a lesbian tbh, but we know she’s not :( she’s an artsy person like Elliott, so it didn’t take her long to realise she likes people of the male and female sex. Definitely spent a lot of her teenhood drawing naked women in her sketchbook like all of us lmfao. Oh yeah, she prefers women in my books, your honour. At least feminine-presenting people.

Penny: bisexual, masks as straight but prefers women in secret. She thinks having homosexual thoughts is forbidden for a good girl like her to have, but she can’t stop pining for the female farmer once they enter her life. She keeps dropping hints about wishing to live on a farm like theirs, dreams about kissing their lips and whatnot but feeling guilty about it. With the male farmer, it’s different. She doesn’t feel as much shame, but it takes her longer to develop feelings for them.

Maru: bisexual but honestly? Probably demisexual, if not some other sort of asexual. She has no time for romance and doesn’t really think about it much. When she catches feelings for the farmer, it surprises her that she’s even capable of feeling those things for any person really. Her having homo-or heterosexual feelings for someone isn’t a concern to her at all, just the fact she lets herself get distracted with things like that is. Eventually she learns to go easy on herself and accept that she’s human with desires like everyone else.

Abigail: bisexual, has no preference but can’t deny she likes the idea of being visibly queer by having a partner of the same sex or someone androgynous-looking. Doesn’t have a lot of dating experience really, also not big on having crushes. She has a thing for Sebastian though, but its not that deep. The farmer changes everything. She will see them as a cool friend around her age at first, but will grow attached to them over the course of their friendship, especially with their shared love of adventure and falling out of place in this small town.

#stardew valley #sdv shane #sdv #sdv bachelors #shane stardew valley #sdv Harvey #sdv Abigail #sdv Alex #sdv sebastian #sdv Sam #sdv elliott #sdv Leah #sdv Haley #sdv Emily #sdv penny #sdv maru #sdv headcanons #sdv fanart #Stardew bachelors #Stardew bachelorettes #stardew valley headcanons #Stardew valley bachelors

[adrianasunderworld]

More of the Twst Stardew Valley au!

Just because I like it and want to continue.

Part One

Part Two

I've mentioned before that the witch that turns your chicken eggs into void eggs is Malleus grandma. That also means the witches hut is also his grandmas house. In that quest line you learn more about Malleus backstory of how he was orphaned and raised by his grandma and Lilia. And how his childhood was all about learning magic and thus he never got used to making friends. That is until he meets Yuu.

When you go down into the mines, the deeper levels have the blot phantoms for you to fight.

Fleur Town is the neighboring town you can take by bus, and there you can meet Rollo and friends. You can buy things off of them there, and yes, like Fellow and Giddel, there is a quest to get him to move to Night Raven.

If you marry Epel, he will occasionally gift you an apple or even an apple sapling.

Marja is kinda like the Evelyn in this au. Your sweet local granny who will occasionally gift you food if you befriend her. Specifically her famous apple pie.

The towns little school house sadly does not have much to offer in terms of arts programs. So Vil has occasionally volunteered to teach the kids about acting and helping them put on small shows for their families for them. Maybe a heart event or quest line for Vil is to help him collect supplies for the kids show. " Farmer, help! I need this amount of wood and this amount of cloth so I we can build the sets and costumes for the children."

In the same vein as the farmer going into Robin and Demetrius room in the game, and finding books about blended families, if you go into Falena and Ashas bedroom, you'll find books about how to recognize being the Golden Child and moving forward from there. One of Falenas friendship heart events is him expressing how he wishes to be closer to his brother and recognizing that their father played favorites and wasn't a good parent to Leona.

Again in the same vein as above, part of Leonas storyline is learning about his childhood and always being ignored by their father, and when he wasn't, being compared to Falena and how that soured his relationship with his brother.

If you marry Leona, The Kingscholars recognize you as a member of the family and make references to it. Like Cheka referring to Farmer Yuu as Auntie/Uncle/etc.

Idia has once, and only once, attempted to go into he mines and considered joining the adventures guild, thinking it would be like one of his fantasy RPGs. He was sorely mistaken and never did it again. He saw one green slime and got the fuck out.

Cater lives in a house with his two sisters and they are almost always arguing over the division of chores.

Once Yuu starts getting close to Riddle, his mother will have a cutscene telling them that Riddle has a bright future ahead of him, and that Yuu should tread lightly around him so as not to ruin anything.

Like Kent in game, you don't meet Lilia until after the first year in game. Baul, Silver, Malleus, and Sebek all mentioned Lilia throughout that first year. From they tell Yuu, Lilia is a veteran and the leader of the adventurers guild and is off on his travels. Hes written to Silver that he will be back soon, and then the mysterious Lilia shows on your doorstep at the start of Spring of year 2 to introduce himself.

Ruggie lives in trailer just outside of town and close to where he works, he mentions he sends money to his grandma back home. Obviously if you marry Ruggie, his financial situation is much better, and he has dialogue about how he can help his granny so much more now thanks to you for it. The house is always in top shape and the animals fed when Ruggie is your husband.

Crowley is always hatching schemes to bring in more tourists and business to town. So he often ropes Farmer into helping him get supplies for whatever event or ideas he has in mind to bring people to Night Raven. That usually includes handing over fliers to Rollo to hang up in Fleur Town. Or gathering wood to build stands for the farmers market he decided to open.

If you marry Jack, his personal add on room and hobby corner in the yard is full of exercise equipment and his cactuses. He has dialogue about how it's great being able to jog around the farm in the morning and how you shouldn't strain yourself and ask him if there's any heavy lifting to be done.

The cave on your farm that lets you either grow mushrooms or collect fruit are two separate offers. Jade will tell you that the cave on your property is a prime spot for growing mushrooms and he can set it up. Or Lilia will come and tell you about the fruit bars in the area and how he can help so bats are more likely to hang out in their and this leaves fruit for you to collect. You can choose to accept one offer over the other, if you reject both at the time, you can tell them you changed your mind later.

Mr. And Mrs. Shroud will ask Yuu about the blot monsters in the mines, and regularly put out commissions on the community board or Guild about the monsters. They are scientists that research them and always welcome whatever info you tell them, or giving them the stone items they drop when you kill them.

Royal Sword Mart Manager, Ambrose has a grandson he mentions if you come over to shop. Eventually said grandson, Arthur, will come to town, stating he's come to live with his grandfather now that he's getting older and Arthur worries for him and his health. Yes Arthur is also a marriage candidate.

Trey works at the local bakery and often gifts Yuu things like cake and bread as they become better friends.

One of Riddles cut scenes is Yuu overhearing a conversation between Riddle and his mother. Mrs. Rosehearts complaining about Riddles friends, Trey and Che'nya. Riddle tries to defend them, but his mother won't hear it. Once she walks away, Riddle notices the farmer, he explains how his mother was always strict and homeschooled him over sending him to the local school house with the other kids. Especially because she didn't approve of the local kids like Trey and Che'nya, who would always sneak Riddle out to play. If you marry Riddle, he has plenty of dialogue about how he's excited to invite Trey and Che'nya over for dinner, what sweets they should serve for dessert, and how much his mother would disapprove.

@mangacupcake @marrondrawsalot @writing-heiress @the-weirdos-mind

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst stardew #stardew valley #twst yuu #miss yuu #twst oc #malleus draconia #dire crowley #ambrose the 63rd #riddle rosehearts #twst chenya #cheka kingscholar #leona kingscholar #falena kingscholar #asha Kingscholar #arthur ambrose #jack howl #ruggie bucchi #vil schoenheit #idia shroud #trey clover #cater diamond #twst che'nya #lilia vanrouge #epel felmier #marja felmier

[firestorm09890]

The family at 24 Mountain Road is really interesting to me. You see a few arguments between Robin and Demetrius, and hear Demetrius say his wife has a temper (and then he tells you not to tell her he said that), but they also stand outside and watch the town from the cliffs all the time. They go to the saloon on Fridays and dance together. In Emily's 8 heart event, the first thing Robin does is go to show Demetrius her new outfit. They love each other! They really do!

...but then when you get their kids in the picture the family's a nightmare. Sebastian, your sister isn't friendly to get attention, your stepfather is just really bad about favoritism. Maru, I'm sorry your brother resents you because of that, it's nothing you did. Please talk to each other. Demetrius, you're the stepdad so step the fuck up. Arguing over Robin's use of hardwood for a giant bed is normal but having that argument WHILE BOTH KIDS ARE IN THE ROOM???? GUYS WHAT ARE YOU DOING

#stardew valley #robin sdv #demetrius sdv #maru sdv #sebastian sdv #me post

[studentinpursuitofclouds]

Any headcanons on how the townsfolk react to the farmer having magic?

Sure thing :D

By the way, it became interesting to me, what kind of magic exactly does the Farmer use in the vanilla game? In fact, only interaction with Junimo, the ability to talk with wild animals and the transmutation of bars (which is more alchemy than magic, I think?) comes to mind. So I decided to write the reaction of the inhabitants as if the Farmer has some kind of spells like a fireball, telekinesis and other such that the first thing comes to mind. Hope you like it, dear anon ❤️

--------------------------------------------------

Unfortunately, Pierre doesn't have anything "magic" for the Farmer in his shop. Oh, they just want to buy seeds? Well, with magic or not, a client is still a client! Just please don't accidentally burn his store with a fire spell or something.

Penny only giggled nervously after receiving information from the Farmer, and the following days she tried to avoid them. Now she is much calmer, but nonetheless, how in the world-?

Abigail knew that the Farmer is not so simple at first glance! Even the fact that they just understand little apple-like spirits delights Abby. It's so cool! If they also have some other combat magic, then it's even better!

Well... This magic of theirs doesn't restrict them from eating normal food, does it? No? Wonderful! Then Gus will gladly serve the Farmer in the Saloon, without any prejudice. Maybe he will even calm down his other visitors, who will climb to the Farmer with their annoying polls after an extra mug of beer.

Magic? Young one, George is not up to your hocus-pocus right now. Go show your tricks with bunnies and hats to kids or someone else, and let him watch his TV. Hmmph!

Rasmodius' only wish is that the young Farmer not fall under the control of his ex-wife if she takes an interest in their giftedness. Besides that, the wizard's door to the tower will always be open for the Farmer if they have a problem with magic control, or they want to learn a new spell.

Magic, you say? Can they conjure pink cake right into Haley's house? What about diamonds? Or maybe even a pony? No? Well, then what's the point in this magic. Boring...

Gunther once heard that people with a "special gift" are looking for incredible artifacts where no ordinary eye can see. Well, now the young Farmer has the opportunity to test this theory in practice, and don't forget to tell Gunther about it!

Sorry bud, but Shane can't be fooled by all this crap. No, don't show him the glowing energy from hands. And don't force objects to levitate in the air. The hell are you- stop lift him into the air with magic, no! Put Shane back down, for fuck's sake! Magic is not real!

"You can do a fire spell? For real? Can you demonstrate?" When the Farmer made a small fireball that emitted from their hand, Sebastian immediately held a cigarette to the little magic fire. "Thanks, I lost my lighter recently."

Tired Kent, having seen a demonstration of magic from the Farmer, simply turns around 180 degrees and goes home. First, the nightmares, and now also hallucinations in reality. He. Need. Fucking. Break.

Don't even think about playing pranks on Pam with these tricks, or she'll whip the Farmer so badly that no magic in the universe will soothe the burning pain in their ass! And she mean it, kiddo. Just don't.

Awesome! It's so awesome! Oh, can Farmer move in the air? How about moving things with their mind? Oh, can they move a slice of pizza in the air? Sam just wants to repeat that 'pizzakinesis' meme from the internet. Aww, c'mon, don't look at him like that, it will be fun!

The poor Farmer immediately regretted that they decided to tell Demetrius about their magical abilities. Because at first the scientist expressed incomprehension, and after the demonstration he took the young Farmer by the hand and almost forcibly led him to the laboratory "to study an incredible phenomenon!"

Robin was the one who quickly cooled her husband's ardor and told him that the Farmer was their friend, not a lab rat. The town carpenter doesn't care too much that the Farmer has some kind of power, because they're a good person. Besides, with neighbors such as Linus and members of the Adventurer's Guild, nothing will surprise Robin.

Speaking of neighbors, Linus will take news very calmly. He himself doesn't have magic in his blood, but he can feel the flows of someone else's energy. Will always support the Farmer if magic bothers them.

Marlon, as an adventurer who has seen an untold number of miracles in his life, will also calmly respond to the magical talent of a young member of his Guild. He will give the Farmer the opportunity to stay in his Guild if someone starts to annoy the Farmer because of their magic.

Gil will also not stand aside and cheer up the young adventurer if they lose heart, treat them to good whiskey (just a little bit) and give wise advice along with Marlon. Magic or not, one should not tease a person because of prejudice towards magic.

Maru, like Demetrius, will also be interested in studying this phenomenon, because she also believes that there is nothing that science could not explain. True, unlike her father, she will politely invite the Farmer to her home, not forcibly pull them along.

Heh, and Lewis was just thinking not to book a clown for the fair this year. Maybe after the show, the Farmer wants to show a couple of tricks for tourists? Don't worry, he'll pay them for their work. A? Real magic? Why yes, of course... magicians never tell their secrets, right? ;)

After many stories of his ol' Man, as well as some of the miracles that he himself found while sailing on the ship, Willy is no longer surprised about anything. If the Farmer wants, they can go fishing together on the beach and Willy will tell him stories about mermaids, miracles and magic.

Even though the Farmer has healing spells, Harvey asks them not to self-medicate. Funny tho, but he's not as surprised by Farmer's magic ("I've seen you do weirder things")

Magic? Oh, the Farmer wants to show her sons card tricks or something? Ok, Jodi doesn't mind, just please don't litter too much in the house, she just cleaned up recently.

Caroline will have mixed feelings about this. The last time she dealt with something magical was when she went to... Ah, no, never mind. As long as the Farmer doesn't harm anyone with their magic, Caroline doesn't mind.

Oh, you want to see real magic? Discounts up to 70% on almost all products at JojaMart, come and get it! (Morris doesn't give a damn about their magic as long as the Farmer buys seeds here and not from competitors).

Krobus knows that some people can wield arcane powers, like the same Wizard. Maybe if the Farmer talks about their abilities and human culture, then Krobus will share interesting facts about the Shadow people.

Elliott doesn't believe Farmer's words at first. "For me, a miracle is when I can untangle my hair without harming it." The Farmer is casting a spell in a language Elliott doesn't know, and now writer's hair is tangle-free, styled and braided. Ok, now Elliott believes in magic.

Oh yes, Emily has felt a strong flow of Farmer's energy since the day they moved to Stardew Valley. She wants to invite them to a crystal meditation sometime so that the Farmer opens their chakras and releases their energy. "Emily, this isn't exactly what-" Oh no, it's too late...

At first, Alex is surprised by this, but then quickly comes to his senses, trying to remain cool. "I really hope you don't use these tricks in sports, because only losers and weaklings will do this."

Sorry Farmer, but Clint is not going to buy gold ore and bars from them, as they themselves claim, "created with the help of magic." People already tried to deceive him like this in other cities. "Clint, this has more to do with alchemy than magic" "You get the point"

"Well, one more unusual neighbor for me," Marnie thought, finally understanding why the Farmer was never afraid to go to the wizard's tower despite her warnings about strange noises.

Leah is also not too surprised by the unusual neighbor. After all, the valley itself is a magical place, just like in fairy tales, so why be surprised by the same wizard or a young Farmer with their magic?

"Oooh! Please, show us some tricks, Mr./Mrs. Farmer! Please! Pretty please!" Now Jas and Vincent will not leave the poor Farmer until the evening.

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv community #sdv headcanons #thanks for asking! #sdv emily #sdv marlon #sdv maru #sdv haley #sdv penny #sdv abigail #sdv shane #sdv clint #sdv elliott #sdv harvey #sdv alex #sdv sam #sdv sebastian #sdv kent #sdv jodi #sdv morris #sdv caroline #sdv gil #sdv marnie #sdv lewis #sdv krobus #sdv gunther #sdv pam #sdv evelyn #i can't tag everyone 😔 bummer...

[hopefuloverfury]

I always get so sad when I think about the bachelors and bachelorttes not being able to achieve their dreams :( so how do you think the game would be different if they had? like before they meet the farmer? (i love your writing by the way,,,)

While I was thinking about this, the main question in my head was “Why would any of them still be in Pelican Town if they achieved their dreams?” Sooo I had to put them through some bullshit to get them all in one place lmao. Thank you for enjoying my writing, it means... way more than any of you probably realize. Anyway, this was fun to think about, and I hope you have fun reading it! <3

Mentions of parental death, abuse, infidelity, dysfunctional familial relationships, and reference to Leah’s shitty ex (FUCK YOU, KEL!)

Sam was the lead singer of his own band, but is now struggling to find his new normal after the members decided to go their separate ways. It certainly doesn’t help that they ended on negative terms, and their fanbase has become fractured due to the controversy surrounding the break-up. Sam has come back to Pelican Town to spend time with his family and figure out which direction he wants to take his career, but his band-mates said ill-intended things about him before they broke up, and he’s struggling to make amends with his perception of himself. He tries to write new songs, but he isn’t liking anything he’s come up with, and it’s reflecting poorly on his self-esteem. He wonders if his fans will still be there waiting once he’s ready to release his solo-music, and is paralyzed with fear about what will happen to him and his career if they aren’t.

Sebastian is a professional coder. He saved up enough money to move away as soon as he turned eighteen, and has only visited for holidays since. He was previously engaged while living in the city, but after his fiancé cheated on him with a coworker, he returned to Pelican Town to pick up the pieces of his heart. During his time away he managed to check himself into therapy, so he’s well-equipped to handle conflicts with his family, and his relationship with his mother and sister have improved dramatically since, which is really nice. He is trying his best to pursue a healthier relationship with Demetrius, but the man really doesn’t make it easy. Robin also added an extension to the house, so he doesn’t live in the basement anymore. His room has a window now, but he still prefers the rain, and discovers with surprise that he likes the rain in Pelican Town more than he ever did in the city. It’s nice to see the frogs again.

Alex is a professional gridball player. His mother passed away before she could see him achieve his dreams, but his father has contacted him many times. Alex knows his father doesn’t actually want a relationship with him, though, because the only times he’s contacted him is to ask for money. Alex blocks his dad’s number after catching sight of him on the news, trying to drag Alex's name through the mud, but eventually moves away when his dad breaks into his apartment and wrecks the place. He settles back into his bedroom at Evelyn and George’s house, and tries not to feel too drained by the legal proceedings. It’s pretty relaxing though, going back home during his off-season. Not to mention he really missed the summers in Pelican Town.

Elliott is a reputable author. He’s written a trilogy or two, a smattering of stand-alone novels, and even has a few broadway credits. But after years of constantly writing, he’s burnt out and tired, and needs a break, so he moves out of his stuffy apartment in the city and into the cabin on the beach. He commissions Robin for expansions and repairs, and it’s turned into quite a nice place, if he should be so bold to say so. He talks to Willy a lot, and after hearing the stories the fisherman has collected over the years, he kind of wants to write a book about pirates or some other kind of adventurer, but nothing is coming to mind. He’s got an excess of inspiration and drive, but the moment his pen hits the paper, his mind goes blank. It’s incredibly irritating.

Shane is one of the most notable film directors of the last decade, and he’s got quite a number of credits under his belt. His IMDb page is massive, and while he doesn’t get recognized on the street very often, anyone who knows anything about film will know his name. He moved to Pelican Town with Jas after the death of her parents. Riddled with grief, he had the presence of mind to recognize some bad habits were developing, and he couldn’t really handle the pressure of celebrity life anymore. He drinks occasionally, but he doesn’t consider himself an alcoholic. He only drinks a few times a week—and compared to his colleagues in the city—that’s nothing.

Harvey is an experienced pilot. He initially wanted to join the Ferngill Republic Air Force, but after many discussions with his parents, he decided to pursue an ATP certification and become an airline pilot instead. However, due to the recent trauma of a severe crash, Harvey is taking a break from flying. He’s become intensely afraid of heights, and the thought of getting in a plane makes him physically sick to his stomach. He’s been working on it, but it’s already been a year, and he’s not any closer to being back in the pilot’s chair. What’s wrong with him?

Maru went to university to pursue a career in STEM, but was quickly disillusioned and decided it wasn’t for her, so she decided to switch gears and abandon her dream school. Robin understood after a short explanation and told her to come back home, but Maru’s relationship with her father has become strained since, and even though they regularly experiment in the lab together, it causes some unnecessary drama in the household. Maru tries not to let it get to her too much, but it does. More positively though, her relationship with Sebastian has improved since they both came home, and they can actually hold a conversation without getting irritated at each other. She likes hanging out with her brother, but wishes that they could've gotten along like this as kids, too. They have a lot of years to catch up on!

Penny was a stay-at-home-mom up until a few months ago, when her partner suddenly decided domestic life wasn’t for them, and yanked the rug out from under her. With nowhere to go and no employment, she trudged back to Pelican Town with her tail between her legs and a toddler on her hip, to move back in with her mother. She teaches Vincent and Jas regularly, and works as a private tutor for a few clients in the town over. Pam chose to take on the majority of childcare for her grandchild, but she’s excelling at it and hasn’t stepped foot in the saloon in a long time. It should be a great thing, but Penny doesn’t know why she’s so bothered by it.

Abigail is an active member of the adventurer’s guild, a highly skilled swordswoman, and she will occasionally dabble with the magical forces of Stardew Valley under the careful guidance of her mentor, Rasmodius. Yes, she knows. No, she doesn’t mention it, and neither does he. She doesn’t live with her parents anymore. When she was looking to move out, she asked to buy the deed to the old farm, but was quickly shot down by Lewis, and decided instead to claim the decrepit cabin south of Rasmodius’ tower. Robin helped her fix it up, and after a few months, it was in good enough repair to move in permanently. She spends most of her days down in the mines, clearing the monsters on the lower floors. She’s never gone past level 20, if only to save herself from her mother’s tearful begging, but Pierre has given up. They don’t speak much.

Haley is a prolific photographer. Her portfolio is hefty, some photos dating back from when she was in high school, but the most recent picture is from three months ago, and she hasn’t picked up her camera since. She doesn’t know why, but nothing looks interesting enough to shoot anymore. The world looks flat and dull, but maybe that’s just the city. When her parents ask her and her sister to watch their house in Pelican Town while they galavant through the archipelago on some “soul-searching-journey,” she accepts without preamble. Maybe she just needs a change of scenery to get her inspiration back. Maybe she’ll find her muse?

Leah is a revered artist, and many of her pieces are in museums and art galleries. She tries to live in the city, but quickly realizes that she hates it, and after a few misses, she moves to Pelican Town. The lush flora and fauna kick her inspiration into overdrive, and with the amount of foraged greens she’s been eating since moving into the cabin next to Marnie’s, she doesn’t think she’s ever felt so good. Unfortunately her ex Kel is determined to sniff her out, and that puts a damper on her shiny new life in Pelican Town. She wishes it was because they actually loved her, but she knows it’s only because they miss the luxurious life Leah’s job afforded them. She tries not to think too hard about that, though.

Emily is a fashion designer! She’s had plenty of shows during different fashion weeks and other events, and many name-brands have collaborated with her. She does do stylist work on the side, and many of her clients are a-list celebrities or high profile professionals. She prefers the countryside, though, so when her parents offered her and her sister their place in Pelican Town, she jumped at the opportunity! Only thing is, it’s been years since her and Haley have occupied the same space, and every resident in town has a dark cloud of thick negative energy hovering over their heads. She’s overwhelmed with guilt, knowing she can’t do anything to help.

#stardew valley #sdv #sebby #elliott #sammy #shane #harvey #alex #maru #penny #abigail #haley #leah #emily #bachelorettes #bachelors #hc list? #kinda? #i don't know what this would count as lol #asks #anon #requests

[stardew-otter]

Stardew Valley Incorrect Quotes - Part 4

•─────✧─────•

Elliott: This work is amazing! You can clearly see all of the effort the author put into this fine piece. It evokes such great emotions that most can not even begin to comprehend, it's amazing! I strive to be able to write with such skill.

Sebastian: ...

Sebastian: Elliott is that Ao3-

─────────────────────

Harvey: I swear, sometimes I feel like the only one with a brain cell...

Farmer: ALL HAIL THE KEEPER OF THE BRAIN CELL!!

Harvey: Farmer please lay down you're losing blo-

Sam, Elliott, Shane, and Emily: ALL HAIL THE KEEPER OF THE BRAIN CELL!!!

─────────────────────

*Game Night in Stardew Valley*

Sam: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.

Sebastian: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.

Abigail: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.

Maru: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.

Sebastian: *flips the board*

─────────────────────

Maru: Hey, what do you call quantums of electromagnetic radiation that don’t get along?

Sebastian: What the fuck did you just say-

Maru: Foetons! *Laughs*

Sebastian: Wh-what?

Demetrius: HAAAHAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH- *dad laugh*

─────────────────────

Shane: *sniffling*

Shane: Calm down you tall bastard, I'm not sick. It's just allergies.

Harvey: Mmhm, alright... then tell me, have you been feeling more tired than normal recently?

Shane: I have depressions, what do you think?

─────────────────────

Emily: Do you have a self-care routine?

Haley: Saying "Keep going bitch" to myself in different accents.

─────────────────────

Sam: *pulls back shower curtain with flair*

Sebastian: AAAAAAAAAA-

Sam: I- stop screaming it's me bro - anyways did we run out of pizza?

─────────────────────

Leah: *running towards Elliott with open arms*

Elliott: *runs out of the way*

Leah: Hey, why'd you move?!

Elliott: I thought you were going to attack me-

Leah: I was going to hug you!

Elliott, touch starved: Why would you hug me?

Leah, shows affection through touch: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

─────────────────────

Sebastian: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

─────────────────────

Marnie: I’m proud to say I’ve come over my fear of ghosts!

Shane: That’s the spirit Marnie.

Marnie: *gasps* whErE???!!!??

─────────────────────

Farmer after dating everyone at once (without the polyamory mod): I dunno if I'm ready to process the ramifications of this bullshit.

─────────────────────

Penny: I love murder mysteries!

Farmer, trying to impress her: I've been a suspect in four murder cases and I've-

─────────────────────

Farmer: Come to dinner tonight. I can’t cook, but I’ll bring plenty of free wine.

Harvey/Leah: I'll marry you.

─────────────────────

Sam: Uhm, Mrs.Robin? Sebby is in the lake and I don't think they're waterproof.

Robin: What?

Abigail: I think he meant Sebastian is drowning.

Robin: WHAT?!

*Meanwhile at the lake*

Sebastian: *drowning*

Maru: YOBA, KEEP SWIMMING SEB!!!

Sebastian: I can't swim, dumbass— *sinks*

Demetrius: SEBASTIAN!

•─────✧─────•

Yee ^^;

Lowkey running out of ideas, that or I'm just tired lol

#stardew valley #incorrect stardew valley quotes #stardew valley incorrect quotes #sdv #sdv harvey #sdv elliott #sdv farmer #sdv abigail #sdv alex #sdv emily #sdv sebastian #sdv shane #sdv maru #sdv penny #sdv marnie #sdv robin #sdv demetrius #sdv haley

[babiebom]

Would I give them head?

A/N: I am so sorry for this I'm writing it at 3 am and I couldn't get it out of my head. I've been giggling for the past 10 minutes like a 7th grader. Also if you are reading this let me know if I should do something special for 50 followers. I know it's not a lot but I am so grateful! If yes let me know what I should do!

Tw: sexual content. Not explicit but it like look at the title. Cursing.

Genre: headcanons nsfw

Wc: idk it depends on which person. Probably 2+ for each.

This is including almost every male stardew character(obviously no kids) plus ridgeside plus expanded but not all because I cannot remember every single character and I don't wanna research rn.

Masterlist

Sebastian

Duh no doubt about it

He is the love of my life (well one of them)

I would give him the best head wymmmmm

Sam

Yes boy deserves it

Golden retriever coded guys deserve good head idc

Shane

Love sad men it's a yes

Kinda wanna make him cry because it's so good.

Maybe I can cure him

Elliott

No

Sorry it's not that I dislike him he's just not my favorite?

Maybe once as a treat but no other time than that

Harvey

Yeah he's the doctor for a small town

I gotta

Maybe he will stop billing me everytime I die

Alex

No

I am not attracted to this man he is more bestie coded to me

If he asked i would allow him a handjob I guess

Gus

Nope

Maybe he gets a Lil handjob as a treat because his food is good

Gunther

Maybe?

He kinda-

But not enough idk....

George

The reason I am writing this r n

The answer is no but the thought of doing it made me cackle

Lewis

Absolutely not

Fuck you old man

Pierre

NO

I hate this lying ass bitch I give you a kick

Willy

No sorry

He prolly smells like fish and salt and I am not fond

Love him tho stinky man

Kent

YES

would give him the sloppiest toppy known to man

He deserves it he needs it i want it pls bless me

I could beat Jodi's ass if it comes to it idc

Victor

Yes

I find him quite cute overlooking his slight classism.

Also for standing up to his mom for himself love that him

Demetrius

No

I'd rather give Robin head

He deserves no head for being crappy stepdad

Marlon

No

As much as I like him he probably does not shower

Also he is for the marnie's only

Clint

No

I wanna punch him so bad

Mr Qi

Maybe?

I don't find him attractive

But at the same time I find him mysterious and the might just be enough to convince me

Grandpa

HA

HAAAAAAA

no what is wrong with you

Andy

No

Prolly tastes like battery acid

He also gives off racist vibes

Wizard

Yeah

He's chill he can get some head

Morris

Maybe for a discount

Im equating Joja to Coke and I like coke

So only if he promises to give me a discount on stuff I want

Phillip

YES

Another love of my life

It was unexpected for me to love him but he is so cute to me

June

Yuperoni pepperoni

We love a man who is talented

Could easily convince me to give him head if he plays the piano for me ngl

Jeric

Maybe

I love but also hate him

He also gives off bestie vibes

Shiro

Yeah

I feel like he needs it:(

Ezekiel

No

I do however wanna smack his bald head

Not in a mean hateful kid of way I just wanna smack it

Lorenzo

Dilf Ngl

Maybe its because of his name idk

Answer is yes

Kimpoi

It was here where I started looking up characters bc i felt bad for leaving them out

No thank you I will not

Lance

Don't know much about him but I think hes cute so yes

His hair is cool

Isaac

Again don't know much about him hopefully he is not a child

But yeah he's cute so he gets a Lil head from me

Ian

If he takes a shower yes

Otherwise no

Kenneth

Yeah

I like his hair and I think he's cool for being an electrician

I know nothing else about him

Sean

Yeah he's cute so he can have some head

Im so sorry for not knowing im too busy simping over Seb and Phillip ngl

Anton

Uhhhhhh

Uhhhhhhhhhmaybe?

Im not attracted but unattracted to him so sure

Bryle

No

He reminds me of family

Like his face

Jio

Yea

As I have said before I love a mysterious man

Love a man with a sword

Zayne

I have no idea what this is

But I guess??

Have no reason to hate him so sure

Bert

No

He looks stinky :((

I also feel like his wife would beat my ass

Freddie

No

He is for the Lola's only

I also feel like he wouldn't be able to feel it

Mr Aguar

No

I do not enjoy his face

Pika

Simply because im assuming his food is good

I'll say sure simply for free food

Richard

No

So sorry

But no

Sonny

I will give him a platonic handjob

He deserves it bc he's a butler and probably does not get a day off with this family

#stardew valley #sdv #stardew #sdv headcanons #stardew headcanon #stardew valley headcanons #sdv shitpost #stardew shitpost #stardew valley shitpost #sdv expanded #stardew expanded #ridgeside village #sdv sebastian #sdv sam #sdv harvey #sdv shane #sdv elliott #sdv lewis #sdv pierre #sdv george #stardew victor #stardew valley ridgeside #stardew sebastian #stardew shane #stardew sam #stardew harvey #stardew elliott #stardew alex #sdv alex #sdv kent

[unnocturnal]

alright so i have a little HEADCANON im sorry this is messy

CW: FAMILIAL DEATH

what if sebastian was in his dads custody after they got divorced. and later so robin and demetrius get together and have maru. but then suddenly his dad dies so he has to go live with robin. which fuels sebastians hesitance to get closer with demetrius because he was essentially thrown into seeing this guy he barely knew as his new dad when his JUST died and hes scared of getting close because he doesn’t wanna replace his OG dad so he comes up w petty reasons to hate demetrius… and demetrius recognizes this and decides to keep his distance bcs thats what sebastian looks like he wants and he wants to respect his son’s wishes!! but it just turns into a feedback loop of misunderstandings and maybe along the way demetrius recognizes this as well and is like hey, this is kind of not working, do you wanna talk? do you need help? but sebastian is stubborn and still doesnt like him… it explains why he doesn’t mention him in his dialogue since he honestly doesn’t know him that well but WISHES he did and he gushes about maru bcs duh ur child is interested in the same field of work u r how can u not be excited and ALSO shes a woman of color in the stem field so obvi she’s a fucking chad for that AND GUESS WHAT ELSE TIES INTO MY LIL HC SO seb doesnt like maru because he’s jealous that she still has her father figure in her life and that her life is perfect because her parents are still together, she’s smart and pretty and friendly and basically the Epitome of everything sebastian WISHED he had so ofc hes gonna be mean to her ab it and it also explains why its mostly one sided cuz maru wants to get close to him but sebastian is just bein a lil shit thinking emoji 🤔

#lucian babbles #headcanons #hcs #sdv #stardew valley #sebastian stardew valley #maru stardew valley #demetrius stardew valley #robin stardew valley #long post #idk #wall of text #yeah guess whos tired of ppl thinking demetrius is a oiece of shit dad #me. IM TIRED #HES LITERALLY SO SUPPORTIVE OF MARU

[lacependragon]

I am prefacing this with I love Stardew Valley and Demetrius and I am not trying to start a fight. This is a frustration I feel with the game as well as many things I've seen. Just. Sharing it.

You know man I've been playing Stardew since. Forever. And so I've seen dialogue changes quite a bit. Vanilla dialogue can be... repetitive, and so when it changes I very much Notice.

And like. Demetrius' writing, whether intentionally or not, as gotten both much more racist and ableist in the last few years. And maybe it's not on purpose! Maybe it's totally subconscious on CA's part! I don't wanna assign malice. It's easier to think it's ignorance and accidental.

And it's easy to assume it's partially fandom response, considering how much people hate him. And CA is very fandom oriented.

But Demetrius' writing is bad. It is uniquely bad. It is bad in a way that none of the others are (yes I am repeating myself). And that is oh so very obvious in any run where you get hearts up with that family.

Oh the singular Black man in town totally ignores his white step-son, treats his white wife terribly, and dotes on his mixed race daughter as if she's the only person who matters? Insults everything his wife makes? Makes vague threats at the farmer?

"Oh but it's not because he's Black!" How do you know? Are you inside CA's head? Do you know what he thinks? Do you know every unconscious bias of a man you've never met? No. You don't. I bet you don't even know all of yours. Fuck knows no one does.

Don't defend him when you don't even know him. Listen. Listen. LISTEN.

Stardew Valley is a wonderful, awesome game. But it's made by a flawed man (everyone is flawed) and it reflects his biases pretty clearly if you ask me (as many works of art do).

And if that offends you, maybe you should ask yourself why. Maybe you should ask yourself why it's so important this game and man are perfect instead of acknowledging that this amazing game has flaws that can make the game uncomfortable or frustrating for many players. Flaws that diminish characters who could otherwise be very interesting.

I also said Ableist. I'd go on a whole rant about that, too, but because Demetrius' neurodivergence is implied, not explicit, it's hard to know what is and isn't meant to be taken. But again, making the clearly "different" character so awful to others is not ideal. Especially when they're the only one.

And before you ask: Yes. This has a lot to do with Demetrius being the only Black man in town. And fitting into a lot of awful stereotypes along the way. I'd be much much MUCH more lenient if there were other Black men in Stardew. But there aren't. Demetrius is all we get.

And he just keeps getting worse every update.

I love him so much. He's a neurodivergent father. He's the only non-white parent in town. He's the only step-parent in town. He and Robin and Seb and Maru have the only blended and mixed family.

There's so much nuance to him and to his relationships and to his family and his backstory. There could be so much going on with him and science, or him and Maru, or him and anything.

But nah he hates fun, talks about how dancing sucks (even though he dances every week) and seemingly hates both his wife and step-son in many dialogues.

Why? Why? It makes no sense to me in-universe.

Watsonian versus Doylist analysis. When there's no in-universe explanation that follows the world. Look to the people creating the universe.

#lace speaks #the subreddit is also so fucking racist that even bringing this up gets you downvoted into oblivion #rant #negative #critical #stardew critical #concerned ape critical #stardew demetrius

[dragonsplague]

i dont want to post on reddit.

but uh. fuck . if i marry demetrius do i also marry robin? do i join the polycule? cuz yknow. ill do that. so uh......

marry demetrius for robin because i wont her so bad. kiss pierre because then both pierre and caroline have cheated so theyre equal now. kill lewis cuz he made me touch his underwear

#fray.txt

[butchhamlet]

[image description: lines from a midsummer night’s dream, reading:

DEMETRIUS

I’ll run from thee and hide me in the brakes, And leave thee to the mercy of wild beasts.

HELENA

The wildest hath not such a heart as you. Run when you will, the story shall be changed: Apollo flies, and Daphne holds the chase; The dove pursues the griffin; the mild hind Makes speed to catch the tiger; bootless speed, When cowardice pursues and valour flies.

/end description.]

these lines fascinate me because they get at the core question of the helena/demetrius thing, How Fucked Up Is This? the greek myth reference here, specifically, is to apollo (the god) and daphne (the nymph he chases until she has literally no recourse from his “affections” except turning into a tree). later in this scene, helena says women were made to woo, not be wooed, but here she’s pretty clearly reversing the story to make the woman the aggressor.

and this is a story about women being powerless against men! so you could read her as putting women in power this time. but this myth is also arguably a pretty straightforward story of assault. so not... really the way we want anyone to exert power? just like magical-love-juicing demetrius into permanently changing his desires is a thorny little lack of consent in this play. and this speech encapsulates all of that. how threatening is this moment? do the gender dynamics make it less threatening, because demetrius proceeds to threaten helena right back and more explicitly? is what happens to demetrius okay to right the order of things (one woman + one man + no love triangles), or is it really fucked up, actually? is robin “puck” goodfellow an enabler of female power or did he just drug a guy in the woods--

#max.txt #midsummer #i don't have answers btw i'm just thinking. this shakespeare class is indeed making my brain spin in circles #also someone needs to teach me how to use the alt text format but like explain it to me lke i'm stupid #assault mention #rape mention

[bluefuecoco]

fuck it. middle of the night post about indispensable stardew mods.

Four categories. Basics, Quality of Life, Makes The Game Story Better, and Borderline Cheating let’s gooooo

this aint gonna include every mod necessary for other mods, like sometimes things will need SpaceCore, but I wouldn’t call it a basic for all modding

Basics:

Smapi (this is what runs all the mods)

Content Patcher (needed for so many fucking mods)

UI Info Suite (has billions of uses, some border on borderline cheating, but like where would i be without queen of sauce notifications)

Farm Type Manager (If you want to change your farm layouts)

Quality of Life:

Activate Sprinklers (cuz when the seasons change and your fields get fucked up wtf)

Automate (so you dont have to stand next to your furnaces all day to smelt things)

Basic Sprinkler Improved (ohhhh myg od no more + sign)

Extended Minecart (please why can i only minecart to 3 places)

Fashion Sense (better clothes and more hair and how do people live without it)

Flower Dancing (Concerned Ape i love youw hy is this not a thing in game)

Happy Birthday (i also deserve a birthday, thank you!!!!)

NPC Map Locations (i do nto have time to memorize the wiki)

Walk Through Trellis (let me step through my beans)

Hats Won’t Mess Up Hair (again, eric, why)

Makes Story Better:

Any Dialogue Expansion

Demetrius Tomato Dilemma (if that heart event pisses you off)

De-Creepy’d Demetrius (no more dad threatening)

Diverse Stardew Valley (please its so good, and includes seasonal outfits!)

Diverse Ginger Island (take that colonialism shit OUT OF HERE)

Seasonal Outfits (makes the game feel SO much more alive)

Gender Neutrality Mod (give me the beat boys and free my soul)

Hippie Desert Trader (you know why)

Penny 2-Heart Event Edit (you KNOW why)

Life Cycle (you know when story of seasons games had rival heart events?)

Short Goblin Nose (HELLO!!!!)

Build Health (i should get stronger naturally. also Build Endurance)

Part of the Community (cuz befriending one should befriend more)

Borderline Cheating: (yeah its kinda cheating but it feels GOOD ok) Better Mixed Seeds (all the crops) Chests Anywhere (when you go to robin’s but dont remember how much resources you need to upgrade your shit) DeepWoods (like the mines but for foraging) Discoveries in the Depths (give me better mining stuff) Mail Services Mod (if i spend 10k gold to upgrade my tools, the least he can do is mail it) Skull Cavern Elevator (mr. qi doent need to know) Wear More Rings (i have more than 2 fingers) Winter Grass (please dont delete my grass)

#this is not including my extensive list of aesthetic mods #just mods i think everyone should have

[trickster-tabby]

Toasted

Sebastian wants Sam to smoke weed with him. Sam has refused in the past, saying he refuses to smoke anything until he's 18. As such, Sebastian has been eagerly waiting for Sam's 18th birthday, and it's arrived...

Note from Stel: I am writing this high for the best experience so I apologize for any mistakes. also Sam is younger than Seb because I said so. this takes place on Sam's 18th birthday but Seb is already 18. also Seb is trans and about 3 months on T, and he lives alone after Demetrius and Maru moved to the city and Robin passed

Pairing: sambastian

Warnings: smoking weed, first time high, sexual jokes, casual nudity, making out(almost goes further but they get sleepy instead), mention of a trans man's boobs

"Oh, Sammy~" Sebastian sang cheerfully as he let himself into Sam's bedroom. "Guess what day it is?"

"...Tuesday?"

Sebastian flopped down onto Sam, who was still in bed. Sam let out an "oof!" as his boyfriend crushed him.

"No, it's your birthday! Happy birthday, Sam!"

"Oh, yeah." Sam pushed Sebastian off of him and pulled the blanket over himself. "Why are you so excited? ...and why the hell did you get up so early?"

"Remember that promise you made?"

Sam thought for a moment. He'd just woken up, and couldn't remember what promise he meant. He looked at Sebastian for an answer.

Sebastian smiled mischievously and pulled a plastic baggie out of his pocket. It was full of green lumps.

"Oh, shit. That promise."

Sebastian laughed and put the bag back in his pocket. "You said you'd smoke with me on your eighteenth. That's today!"

Sam sat up, rubbing his eyes as he finally woke up fully. "Well, we gotta wait until tonight, at your place. Mom would kill me if we smoked in the same house as my little brother."

"Deal. Come over around six?"

-

Sam nervously fidgeted with the lighter Sebastian had given him. The two of them were sitting on Sebastian's bed.

Sebastian was packing the weed into a cigarette-shaped... Thing. Sam wasn't sure what it was called, but he'd seen it before. Was it a hand pipe?

"So, uh... How bad am I gonna cough?"

Sebastian smiled. "Probably a lot. Like, cough up a lung, a lot. It's gonna be fun."

Sam looked down at the lighter awkwardly. "So I've literally never smoked anything, ever, in my life... Do I just breathe it in?"

Sebastian handed one of the pipes to Sam, lifting the one he had previously packed for himself. "What I do is... I pull the smoke into my mouth, then slowly breathe it into my lungs. If you want to hold it for a few seconds that'll usually get you high faster."

As Sebastian took a drag from his pipe, Sam raised his to his mouth and carefully watched Sebastian. He copied Sebastian's actions, and...

Coughed so hard his eyes watered.

"Oh fuck, that burns!"

Sebastian exhaled his smoke with a laugh. "Let me show you how to do this."

-

Sam laid on Sebastian's soft rug, staring at the old star stickers on the ceiling.

Sebastian sat shirtless on the bed, staring down at his boyfriend amusedly.

"You okay there, Sammy?"

"I feel like a DVD player."

The two of them laughed uncontrollably for a moment.

Sebastian absentmindedly chewed on his finger, watching Sam endure the rather twitchy high.

"Wow. Why did I refuse this before? Feels weird, in a good way." Sam reached up and watched his fingers wiggle.

"What's it feelin' like for you?" Sebastian flips his legs behind him and laid on his front, still staring down at Sam.

"I'm simultaneously tomorrow, and three thousand and fifty-two years ago."

"Sounds fun."

"You know what else sounds fun?" Sam sat up and looked at Sebastian.

"What?"

Sam shook his hand in a rather suggestive motion, before smirking at Sebastian.

"I'm not gonna jerk you off, loser."

"Aww, come on."

Sebastian sat back up.

"...eh, maybe later. Wanna kiss?"

Sam clambered up onto the bed and promptly locked lips with Sebastian. Seb let out a hum as he ran his fingers through Sam's hair, hugging him tightly.

Sam growled as he pulled back from the kiss and pushed Sebastian down onto his back. Sebastian wasn't wearing his binder, and the bounce of Sebastian's naked chest made Sam giggle a bit.

"Nice tits, dude."

Sebastian burst into laughter. "Thanks, I grew them myself."

Sam laid himself down on Sebastian, kissing him again. Their tongues danced around each other, and Sebastian squeaked a bit as he tried to hold back a moan.

Sam trailed his lips down to Sebastian's neck, gently and lovingly kissing his boyfriend.

"I'm... sleepy."

Sam laughed against Sebastian's neck. "Why the heck him so eepy!"

"I'm eepy!"

They laughed again, and Sebastian crawled over to his nightstand and clicked off the lamp. He crawled back and nestled himself in Sam's arms, with his back to him.

Sam spooned his boyfriend, pulling the blanket up over them.

"Can I hold your tits?"

Seb nodded, and Sam cupped one of them.

"Warm..."

Sebastian maneuvered his feet to pull one of Sam's legs between his own so his thighs didn't stick together in his sleep.

"Night, Sam."

"Mmmmmmeh."

@catboygirlboss

#stel's sdv au #sambastian #stardew valley #stardew sebastian #stardew sam

[chobitch74]

stardew valley (my friend and i gave each character a sexuality, if they have a mental illness, and whether they drink or smoke)

- [ ] alex (he/him): anxiety depression closeted homosexual social drinker no smoking

- [ ] clint (he/him): anxiety light drinker straight as a board

- [ ] Demetrius (he/him): bisexual stonecold sober anxiety

- [ ] elliot (he/they/she): bisexual as. fuck. prefers men whiskey and pipe guy depression induced narcissism

- [ ] evelyn (she/her): stonecold sober trump supporter straight af (experimented in college) homophobic

- [ ] george (he/him) : smokes cigars and weed (for the pain) mental disorder: paraplegic straight AF also homophobic

- [ ] gus (he/him): straight (questioned as a teenager) occasional drinker (works too much, mostly dd) anxiety and light depression (why he works so much)

- [ ] haley(she/her): hardcore lesbian, severe narcissism, white claw wasted. fear of smoking to stay pretty

- [ ] harvey(he/him): severe anxiety, bisexual, sober (smoked weed in college)

- [ ] jas: depression (ptsd from shane) stonecold (fear of becoming shane) possible lesbian (definitely on lgbtq+ spectrum)

- [ ] vincent: minor autism, possible anxiety, possible adhd (possible lgbtq+ spectrum) stonecold sober most likely

- [ ] lewis(he/him): anxiety stonecold sober (experimented w men in college)

- [ ] linus(he/him): used to have alcohol problem, severe anxiety and depression, grows and smokes weed (possible town dealer), straight

- [ ] maru(they/them): pansexual, anxiety depression (possible split personality disorder) stonecold sober

- [ ] pam(she/her): cigarettes (used to smoke weed) functioning extreme alcoholic, anger management issues (raspy af voice)

- [ ] pierre(he/him): severe anxiety, social drinker possible weed usage, bipolar type 2

- [ ] robin(she/her): (def smoked weed in college or hs, stopped for carpentry) no mental illnesses, possible wine mom, straight but very much ally

- [ ] sam(he/they): severe adhd, bisexual, smokes weed and drinks (socially) occasionally, temporary depression (cuz dad)

- [ ] sebastian(he/they): depression and anxiety, heavy stoner, drinks socially, pansexual

-[ ] penny(she/her): minor depression and anxiety, stonecold sober, bisexual

- [ ] shane(he/him): severe depression and anger management severe anxiety, recovering alcoholic, straight af and smokes weed occasionally

- [ ] willy(he/him): ptsd (from losing wife and child) depression, (drinks often but not alcoholic) HUMUGO stoner, straight

- [ ] abigail(she/they): bisexual af (preference towards women), decent stoner, (never drinks) mild depression, anxiety and adhd

- [ ] the wizard(he/they): constant shrooms, schizophrenia, never drinks, acid occasionally, severe homosexual (but only for his imaginary friend)

- [ ] dwarf(he/they): severe addiction to ecstasy, severe schizophrenia and autism and split personality, asexual

- [ ] krobus(they/them): asexual and aromantic, SEVERE anxiety, stonecold sober

#stardew #stardew alley #stardew shame #stardew emily #stardew leah #stardew sam #stardew abigail #stardew elliott #stardew gus #stardew sebastian #stardew penny #stardew maru #stardew willy

[redjennies]

it's really funny how Robin is the most popular hot Stardew Valley mom that fans wish was a love interest when she clearly has the healthiest relationship in the aerobics class. like her and Demetrius' relationship isn't perfect but you know they're trying with their little Friday date nights. meanwhile, Jodi is deeply unhappy with her life, Marnie is way too hot for Mayor Lewis' bullshit, and Caroline is very clearly perma-baked in order to cope with Pierre and also she outright stopped in the middle of the town to tell me about the time she fucked The Wizard. like MA'AM.

#i could be your wizard baby #joke tag #farm blogging