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#also fuck the results why tf did I even let that shit bother me in the first place
kaptainkhadijah · 3 years
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Kaptain’s Blog #1 - Rules
Not a bad title right? I think that’s what I’ll call my blog posts that I want associated with the podcast
So right now I’m staying at an AirBnb in Lakewood, CO. I think I have an inkling as to why because I’m seeing some books on manifestation and law of attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks (aka Abraham Hicks) who I’m very interested in learning from because I really like their philosophies.
But that’s not what this blog post is about. This is a post about rules. Because at this AirBnb, I’m being confronted with my distaste for rules that I deem unnecessary. I’m not needlessly defiant, but I don’t just follow rules for the sake of following them. Here’s what happened to me today that inspired this post: 
So today is 4/20. International Day of Ouid. Me, being the pothead that I am, was planning on smoking today as much as possible so I go ahead and roll up all the strains I have. Naturally, because I’m in Colorado, that shit is loud. Just as I’m finishing up, the host of the AirBnb wants to talk to me. I know that smoking inside and outside the house is against the house rules (I’ll touch on that later. Don’t let me forget.) so of course, I’m not smoking it. I won’t lie, I thought about it, but I didn’t! I’ve been here for two days now, and the weed has been in the room with me sealed this whole time. She asks me if I’m smoking and I say no in the tone of “of course not” and tell her I’m just rolling it up and that I’m on my way out. Her reply is, “Well can you leave your stuff in the garage because I can smell it already.” This was the first strike. What I wanted to say was “Well you’re only smelling it because it’s out and I’m working with it. Once I pack it all up, you won’t smell it for much longer. I don’t want to put my stuff out in the garage,” but instead, I just said “Ok” and finished up and dipped. I left it in my room though and just sealed it up and sprayed the room down because I figure that’s easier than putting my stuff out in the garage and it’s the same end result: no smell. 
Now here comes strike two. While I’m out and about looking for a place to partake in the festivities, I text my host and sort of, extend the olive branch. I apologize for the smell and let her know I sealed everything up and I don’t even plan on taking any more out any time soon so we shouldn’t have any more issues. Thumbs up emoji. All good, right? Nope. The host is not satisfied and insists that I leave it in the garage so “the smell doesn’t linger”. Mind you, I just walked my loud ass up through the house and out the garage, so it makes sense that the smell is lingering at the moment. Let’s return back to that rule I was talking about.  
So the rule is no smoking in or outside of the house because her and her neighbors don’t like the smell. And this is a common complaint with people against weed smoking. What’s interesting is, people almost always prefer weed over cigarette smoke because weed smoke doesn’t last as long. Easier to remove. So that’s one. But my thing is: If you can stand the smell of your own farts, of your own poop, of your dog’s farts....how is it you’re drawing the line at weed? I understand if it gives you headaches. But really, does the smell of weed really trigger such an averse effect that you absolutely cannot stand to smell it at all? Like is it really that deep? Cause it always sounds dramatic to me and I was thinking about all the smells we tolerate. So I’m just like “what is it about weed that makes the girls act like that?” You could say that it’s their prerogative since it’s their house. And that’s true. But that’s not what I’m questioning. I want to know why is it that people who don’t smoke weed hate the smell of weed so much. Like can they just not appreciate what the smell means? I’m genuinely asking. Cause it sounds like classist bullshit to me. But I could be wrong. 
Anyway, so at strike two, I’m definitely upset. Here’s the thing: I don’t like to be controlled. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll bottom no problem. I’ll even submit to the right person. But that’s me choosing. I don’t like when people try to exert control over me. Could be my superiority complex as an Aquarius, idk. But I don’t like when people try to wield authority over me in an oppressive way. It’s one thing if I have to answer to you because I work for you. Or even in this situation where you own the house and I follow your rules. I understand that. What I don’t understand is the need to insist on your way of doing things just for the sake of doing things your way. That is one of my biggest pet peeves. I’ve been in leadership positions and I’ve found that the people you’re leading always respond better to relatability than power moves. Yes, you will have to assert yourself sometimes, but overall, I find that people respond better to me when I’m not trying to impose my will on them. 
So that’s why we’re discussing rules. Because I believe that if you want a rule to be followed, it needs to have a reason for existing. Like traffic rules. Safety regulations. We know why we need to follow those rules and there are clear consequences if we don’t. But insisting that I have to do things a certain way, when another way would get the desired result, is ridiculous to me. And I encourage anyone to question those type of rules. Because to me they’re completely unnecessary and only serve the rule-maker’s ego. And one thing about me, I love to challenge a person’s ego. 
Let’s get back to the story. By strike two, I’m considering leaving this place. I’m already sacrificing my smoking habits to stay here, plus there’s this overall judge-y attitude I keep getting from her. But maybe I’ll talk about that in a different post. In any case, I don’t like the way I’m feeling in this situation, so I’m ready to bolt. Then I get home and I put the weed away in the garage and then I get another text “reminding” me to put my weed in the garage. At this point I’m definitely questioning the motive behind the rules. In my mind, if you can’t smell the weed anymore, why does it matter where it is? Why would you need to confirm that I did what you asked? I’m offended at this point. I feel like if we’re both adults here and you still smell the weed then you can just tell me that and I’d let you know I already put it in the garage and try to do something about the smell. But that’s not what she said. So I’m like “Alright bitch I think I officially don’t like you.” 
THEN as strike number 3, she asks me not to eat in the bedroom. I had passed her on my way back from picking up food I had delivered, and then I get a text later on saying she “forgot” to tell me she’d prefer if I ate outside the bedroom in the living area or used a TV tray. Now at this point I’m like “I’m getting tf out of here” because first of all, I eat in my room all the time so you’re really fucking up my flow with that one. But second, I’m paying to be in this private room unbothered. If I eat in the room and I make no mess then what exactly is the issue? You could say that maybe she doesn’t know that I won’t make a mess. That’s true. But! You could charge me for cleaning fees and you’re going to strip and wash the sheets anyway so if I do make a mess, there’s a fix for it. So what other reason could she have for saying that? And if she were actually concerned about messes or even pests, she could just say “Hey, can you be careful if you’re going to be eating in the room not to leave food out in case of pests?” Or “Hey, if you’re gonna eat in the bedroom, just be careful of the carpet in there.” And that could be it! But instead she chose to invoke some kind of rule that I’d have to follow. And that’s what bothers me. 
But I’m writing about it, not only to vent, but to say that if someone does this, it’s a red flag. There’s ways to communicate concerns or needs without making things rules that others have to follow and therefore putting yourself in a place of authority over someone else. Don’t let anybody tell you different. And don’t accept anything less. If a rule doesn’t make sense, you have a right to question it. 
I’ll probably be leaving this space earlier than intended simply because I’d rather be somewhere else than live with someone who feels the need to control what I do to this degree. To some this might not be a big deal, but I know that this stuff is never just surface level. And typically people like this tend to make more and more rules until they feel satisfied. Also, I don’t want to be around this kind of energy longer than I need to be. I’ve gotten enough of it in childhood, thanks. 
Have you had a run in with someone like this? How’d it go? Were you able to get out of the situation? What was that like? Let me know, and thanks for reading! 
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here’s the matter of fact text post re: i guess i achieved the goal of an intermittent thing i’d do where i’d try to find anyone online talking about the ‘weird’ experience i have with masturbation which is, inherently, not exciting or anything but it’s like, even if i just Know of course it’s not just me, i want to like, hear someone else talk about anything similar ever, b/c so far it’s just a text post i saw once and can’t ever rediscover and someone talking about their experience that stems from an inapplicable physical trauma so....Yay, seeing as it’s been years i’ve been like “seriously though” lmao  
i was like Lol @ myself b/c i was like “man after i try for like 30 sec to crank it it a) doesn’t go anywhere hardly and b) i lose interest Way fast and it’s like mildly annoying” and so i thought about that post that’s like [me after sex: well that was a waste of my goddamn time. anyway back to speedrunning] but that’s me after a halfhearted attempt to masturbate and not really getting anything out of it anyways lmaoo like. it’s okay or i wouldn’t even bother fairly regularly but also it tends to end with like, me going off on a distracted tangent for even a moment and it can just hit an absolute brick wall like okay i don’t even have the Interest in continuing with this anymore like i might’ve had before starting like Well That Was A Waste Of My Goddamn Time Anyway Back To [whatever it is that i do]
and then like either that same night or the next my dreams had the audacity to get deeply uncomfortable for no reason like. all i do is have Anxiety Dream Themes thrown together where like. for example as i write this, two nights ago i had a dream segment about “i’m on vacation at the beach” but it was all Anxiety b/c it’ll all be about how i can hardly visit said beach coz i keep getting sidetracked at the hotel or w/e while i’m Trying to visit it while i still can, and last night i had the same Theme but trying and failing to ride roller coasters (which i Enjoy irl) and like, the beach one in particular recurs not Too infrequently lmao where i’m surprised by the rarity of something like “you’re at the beach and it’s fun” lol.......i don’t have anything i’d call a nightmare too often but Anxiety / a somewhat threatening/worrisome situation is like, fairly constant lol, with some occasionally more neutral stuff and a really rare Fun Dream but anyways it was still Bizarre that my dreams pitched me “you’re Someone who i guess is dating this abstract Partner and the scenario is you feel obligated to have sex with them” and it was weird like, woke up the next day like “why did my brain drag me through this deeply unpleasant dream situation” like. not totally unheard of for my dreams to touch on a Scene ft. sex and/or physical intimacy and even on occasion it’ll be an “i’m (or whoever i am as a maybe semi-abstract First Person camera character lol maybe ft. some particular concept attached to the ‘role’) having some sexual encounter and it’s Fine or enjoyable” but it’s generally fleeting As Per Usual Dream Structure and it’s like why was this one that sucked like, particularly dragged out by those usual dream standard’s, come on
anyways so going “haha i’m living the Waste Of My Goddamn Time thing” and “well thank you to my own brain for a bizarre and unpleasant experience while i’m just trying to be passed tf out” i was like “let’s look up again why not only can i not seem to orgasm but also like even expecting a way lower level of stimulation still Disappoints sometime like why do i bother” and yeah after first going the “does anyone Never manage to Not slam into a brick wall / basically completely lose interest all at once or practically all at once even and it all goes back to zero even if you started at like maybe a 1 or 1.5 and sometimes it happens with going down a random mental track” route i interestingly got some cis guys going “yeah hate when that happens on occasion” but yeah by now i had of course given up on “can i come at this from an [experiencing sensory input and processing from an autistic angle] angle” like. idk still interested in that of course lmao but god is searching for it a bit exhausting. but yeah after i threw in an [-erectile] search modifier i got was like oh a result on a site about asexuality re: masturbation, why didn’t i think of That angle. idk but here we are
informative stuff but the comments section where people who wanted to read an [about: masturbation] on a site About asexuality were talking about their experiences was like. i had mentioned how it was Enlightening that one person said I Do Not Enjoy Orgasms lol like i have not really heard that angle vs “you might not enjoy sexual stimulation” and/or “you might not be able to orgasm” but not you Can orgasm but you Might Not Even Like It Really like. the person said yes they got the Peak Of Intense Pleasure out of the orgasm but not so much any kind of afterglow and felt like they get dropped back to where they were before even trying to masturbate (aka. square zero again lol) and just yeah outright mentioned Not Enjoying it and another person replied like Yep it’s like that for me too.........already i’m like man i don’t even approach anywhere near an orgasm Ever but man would not be surprised if, even if i theoretically was capable of the physical experience, it would be the same as this way lower level Waste Of My Goddamn Time deal lol.......it’s Hilarious too that like. say “being at all in the mood to try to spank it” is a Square/Level 1, i feel like yeah most of the time i’m only getting this shit going to a 1.5, maybe a 2 or 2.5 if we’re on fire......very very very rarely have i been like “hey that was like, a 3 or some shit, damn” and honestly it’s not like oh so that ruled and is motivation to continue b/c like. the Surprise of it throws me off and it’s not necessarily that Great a surprise, more just like, jeez, idk, it feels like A Bit Much that basically registers as Tension where i’m hardly encouraged to keep it up like, makes me wonder if that’s a Sensory Processing Thing aka how sometimes i try to get any more in depth info on the logistics of Experiencing Sexual Stimulation re: also being autistic and the variety of ways that can unfold (i do know that like. the Sensory thing apparently can sure be a factor in either direction, i.e. might cause some ppl to really not enjoy sexual stimulation Or to like, super enjoy it. allistic ppl who might realize “thinking sex is awesome” is “”normal,”” brilliant.....like u didnt also “realize” that stims like fidget cubes and weighted blankets can be enjoyed “”normally”” like. still having a diff experience here and shut it) and i remember one time i was like “c’est la vie i will purchase a vibrator (and i got a second, external one as some deal going on)” and it was just a No Go b/c. it didn’t feel “bad” in that it was not necessarily like, yep here’s some sexual stimulation, but it was like, overwhelming in a Not Good way, yet also not physically painful, and i realize vibrators are made w/ different intensities and i definitely got Mildest ones so it wasn’t that
anyways like yeah #tbt to a time i really gave it a go (vibrator-less) for truly just short of two solid hours......plenty of that was me at Square Zero and getting back to level 1 alone (aka like. feeling Any positive response at all lmao) was kind of an achievement and maybe there was some 1.5 or 2 in there but it wasn’t like i felt that motivated and Just Keeping At It was not necessarily helping so. that was a waste of my goddamn time
can’t really remember what i was doing differently the last time i kicked things up to maybe a solid 2-3 Zone for truly like One Moment lol.....think i was just getting a little more hands on (since usually a spike in intensity makes me go “[?? / !!] whoa :/” and i lose Any momentum and/or “progress”) and that spike in intensity made me go [?? / !!] Whoa :/ and it didn’t matter, just got back to zero as always, and it’s not like these “Achievements” are “Enlightening” where i’m then like wow everyone’s right, really Trying with this shit pays off like lol. i still make a cursory effort but really just to burn off that Level 1-ness if anything like. kinda like “yeah neat here we go” but like. probably literally a minute or two later it’s like well Anyways.......another fun detail is that it’s not Always like “oh i got off on some mental sidetrack and losing focus = losing like All of even this low level of arousal and im back at zero” like, i might be in the middle of things and Lose Interest even while i’m currently experiencing a nonzero level of “yep this is some sexual stimulation” lol but it’s just like smh Whatever @ it......like, on the one hand the Tension of the stimulation gets in its own way, but if i entirely lose that then it’s like well okay this isn’t gonna go anywhere, may as well stop
so anyhow here’s the Particular Comment where i was like “wow this is so similar to #me that i guess i’ve finally found Someone Talking About It* (*however it goes for me)”
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i can’t say i’ve done the Holding My Breath thing on Purpose but now sometimes i do notice i do it (and have probably Been doing it) lol like oh there i went and Exhaled in a [was holding my breath] way lol coz like they say there with the Loss Of Any Tension and the Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing like yeah lmao. and very same with the Five Minutes Max thing b/c yeah it really can be even less than One Minute sometimes before it’s like yeah square zero or just i lose enough interest anyways, getting bored like they say, ugh like it’s a brief description obviously lmao but i’m like god well there it is i guess, the [i know it’s not Just Me experiencing this like this but i’d still fucking like to find anyone else actually talking about it] account For Once Finally, thanks for putting it out there, Disappointed and a lil bored
naturally there are also ppl in the comments talking about how masturbation is an enjoyable thing for them and particular tips there but like it is Hilarious to me how a) some people orgasm easily or like. orgasm if they put effort into masturbation lmaooo like fucking imagine. and b) idk it’s like well i’m sure i’ve made hundreds of attempts and not even any Near Misses, it is simply like, not happening and c) yet at the same time Like This Commenter it’s like “well is there just another way of doing it i somehow haven’t hit on” like naturally i have to wonder like well idk maybe it’d be diff with a sexual partner b/c yknow, the same stimulation from Someone Else vs Yourself, and yet d) ha ha of course i haven’t had sex which people Don’t think of as Not A Joke lmao i referred to this fact abt myself with some casual humor to someone and my temper flared up when that was later taken as a Cue for someone who is not me to jokingly reference it (by Temper Flaring i mean i got annoyed enough to go Do Not Do That e.g. the post that’s like “[asserts one boundary] i’m not a people pleaser anymore i’m actually a huge cunt now”) and i probably shouldn’t feel like i have to “justify” this as well somehow other people have probably tried to Make A Move re: me but i have not been into it like well, what if nobody had ever been Interested that i knew of, that would be fine too, but. i am aware that ppl think of this as a joke still lmao, and i have to say that. im already doing letters like a) b) c) aren’t i but whatever, starting over a) well i haven’t had All the opportunity in the world as i have at various points (but basically continuously) for various reasons been pretty isolated and b) idk i have not had all these signs that point to me wanting to have sex with people exactly lmao but it’s like, c) even if i go “well maybe there’s Exceptions out there or Situations That Will Be Conducively Different Than The Limited Range Of Ones I’ve Had So Far” it’s like, okay, i could still just continue to feel “nah :/” re: any “opportunity” that ever presents itself or whatever. it is all very abstract for me anyways, so it’s like, whatever. but i’m also not the most Glad to discuss it b/c idk a lot of this stuff i know is like A Joke including how i’m still simmering with resentment from a year ago or more over some Tweet i saw trying to dunk a meme about how asexuals are Anti-Psychology like, that’s an entire Other Essay there but needless to say for one thing i just pre-resent people hearing “could being autistic factor into the particular experience i have losing interest / arousal so easily (and inevitably as it’s big time primary anorgasmia around here)” and going “aha that makes sense b/c being ace means there’s something Dysfunctional going on cuz Lbr and bieng autistic means being a Fucked Up version of an allistic person and your autistacity is going to fuck up things about you which ought to function properly” like well that feeds right into itself in a loop and i hate it. and i know the whole “hehe someone who hasn’t had sex is a loser” thing is way engrained in there lmao ppl throw that punchline out all the time and like, idk, see the (i’m autistic) thing like it’s not like this is an unprecedented concept or the only front on which im like “i Know this is a thing ppl negatively judge in general but i also Know i do not buy into that or feel bad about it” like i do not personally consider myself cringe and fail for not having had sex ever and do not consider that Premise that someone is a joke for it to be true re: anyone but at the same time i know that this whole Awareness that people are shitty about it is frustrating to me lol. plus i think it is getting into the Entire Thing where concepts as broad as Maturity and Humanity At Its Most Complex And Worthwhile are considered intrinsically linked to romance and sex, which is something that i am somewhat self-conscious of being aromantic and [having never had sex and it could well be that i will not ever have sex even if The Opportunity(tm) is there] and i know it is frustrating to me b/c sometimes when i start to even talk about “i have not had sex yes im aware this is like (spit take) what a nerd, Sure” b/c i will easily cry out of frustration like 5 seconds in lol. which i cry easily enough but Usually getting teared up b/c i feel Hyped Up / Enthusiasm for something lmfao.......anyways plenty of tangents to go down here but my point is shoutout to the other person for also never orgasming and just being bored with masturbation if anything
and also to the people who were like “i can have / have had orgasms but i don’t actually enjoy it” like considering the way that [not like i experience anything even close to an orgasm but there is sometimes An Increase in arousal achieved, either a tiny raise in the Level or on occasion a bit of a kick which is mostly like “whoa tf chill out”] is overall Underwhelming even if there is Any enjoyment in it and the whole Back To Square Zero (Not Even Square One) thing re: the entire lack of afterglow they mention and it’s like well that kinda feels like parallel experiences here lmao. which tbh is like. makes me care even less with like Humorous Annoyance at the fact that ppl are out here simply able to have orgasms and to have access to that just by like yep here i go masturbating lmaooo like okay
anyways idk how to Conclude this lmfao. Fun Fact i have hc’s about how winston billions who is autistic experiences sexual stimulation (he gets the Really Enjoys It kind of sensory processing time here lol) but i suppose the easiest simplest one to explain is the “remember the Tayston Crying Sex drawing, the idea is that things can be kinda overwhelming while still being Good if it’s handled right by his partner (or himself ig lol) and he can tear up as sort of an overflow thing” like well you probably already knew that was connected to the broader whole of Winston Billions Autistic Hc’s but in case you didn’t: it is
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v-t-holmes · 4 years
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1D songs rated by how much I want to hear MCR cover them
wmyb - I’m actually lowkey wondering how that would sound tbh, 7/10
gotta be you - if gerard doesn’t have the vocal range for the chorus, I would rather have him not strain himself, 2/10, but if he does, 6/10, I’m intrigued
one thing - I wouldn’t mind a cover of this one, 4/10
more than this - ooh yes, but there’s a 90% chance i’d cry, 7/10
uan - the way this song is, an mcr cover would probably sound lit, 9/10
i wish - and make me cry and drown myself in tears? 3/10
tell me a lie - change screwed up to fucked up and it’s a deal, 6/10
taken - the only reason i don’t start feeling Sad while listening to this song bc I’m so used to it, if mcr covered it i would be Ugly Sobbing, 5/10
i want - okay that would sound lit, 7/10
everything about you - okay this song is kinda boring ngl, mcr could spice things up, 9/10
same mistakes - this one already gives me existential crisis without thinking about an mcr cover, 7/10
save you tonight - I’m indifferent, it would probably sound lit tho 5/10
stole my heart - dunno if it would work as well while being sung by a guy literally the same age as my mom as it does while being sung by a (in the recording) group of boys aged between 17 and 20 - 1/10
stand up - SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP COZ IT’S A STAND UP, basically it’s an armed robbery, 5/10
moments - the subtle hinting at the fact everyone in this song dies,, fun fact that would just instantly kill me, 100000000/10, I would Cry but it would be worth it
another world - I rather would not be taken to ‘another world’ ‘every day’ ‘in every way’ by mcr, thank you very much 0/10
na na na - the cover would be worth it just for the title confusion, so yes, yes please, 10/10
i should have kissed you - the regret in the original’s is not Expressed At All, 7/10, fuck me up mcr
lwwy - i mean it would probably sound good, but lets be real, mcr doesn’t exactly fit the vibe of this song, 4/10, just because it lowkey has danger days vibes (i listened to it three times in a row before, I know what vibes danger days has)
kiss you - i’m torn between the fact that this is targeted at teen girls and sang by barely not underage anymore boys, and the fact the cover would probably sound lit 5/10
little things - it’s,,, too soft for mcr,,, 0/10
c’mon c’mon - eh, I’m indifferent to that one, 5/10
last first kiss - this one gives me an existential crisis and makes me Sad already, 8/10
heart attack - just for the ow! part, and also for the 1D just doesn’t do emotions right in this one, 7/10
rock me - in summer ‘09, they were literal babies, I’m fairly certain 16 year old harry styles did NOT fuck, mcr did shit other than going to school in 2009, and they probably fucked and this song is just one big innuendo, 7/10
change my mind - ah another song that would probably make me cry, 6/10
i would - idk, a song about high school drama? 1/10
over again - stabbing me would be more merciful than an mcr cover, 10/10
back for you - this one hits differently when you hear 1D promising they’ll come back for the fandom, And with the reunion rumours going around, it wouldn’t sound right if mcr did a cover, 2/10
they don’t know about us - unlike the original, it would make me cry, because it remind me of my gf, 3/10, covers of songs that remind me of my gf that would make me cry are illegal
summer love - the 1D version didn’t kill me, but the mcr version definitely would, 5/10
she’s not afraid - I’m actually kinda curious about what the cover would sound like, 8/10
loved you first - another one I kinda want to hear mcr’s cover of, 7/10
nobody compares - this one is either boring or it’s getting late, either way, mcr would spice it up, 7/10
still the one - it’s a bop already, 5/10
truly madly deeply - soft and tender and,,, can mcr do soft and tender? I mean, probably, but their songs that sound soft and tender end up in people in the song dying, 2/10
magic -THERE’S A 99.99999% CHANCE THE MCR COVER WOULD BE LIT, 219833/10
irresistible - mcr’s cover would make me cry and i’d thank them 8/10
bse - despite the title, not the best song ever out there (home is the best), and mcr could definitely improve it, 8/10
soml - the chorus starts, but with more SCREAMING, 8/10, sometimes you just want a soft song to have more yelling
diana - could be good, but really, I’m indifferent to it, 5/10
midnight memories - the fact 1D says 'same old shhh' instead of 'same old shit' is so unsatisfying, mcr would fix that, 10/10
you & i - yeah, just make me cry or whatever, 6/10, I’m already feeling like a trainwreck
don’t forget where you belong - that would be nice but it would also make me cry, 7/10
strong - the intro keeps reminding me one of the mcr songs and idk which one, probably famous last words, and it’s bothering me, 5/10
happily - I have no objections to this one, 9/10
right now - it would probably make me cry too much to handle, 2/10
little black dress - I’m kinda curious about this one honestly, it’s already a lot more rock than some other songs and I wouldn’t mind a cover, 6/10
through the dark - idk why, but I would definitely pay for an mcr version of this song, 10/10
something great - this one already gives me Feelings, I don’t think I could handle the mcr cover, 1/10
little white lies - it’s an okay song but really, I don’t need an mcr cover of it, 0/10
better than words - mcr wouldn’t censor fuck, 5/10
why don’t we go there - i’m actually running out of ideas of how to express what I want to say about this song, but basically, it would sound good but I don’t think it’s on the priority list, 2/10
does he know - i learnt that gerard is the same age as my mom so I legally can’t listen to him sing about sex while addressing the listener like that, 0/10
alive - it would be a headbanger, 10/10
half a heart - and make me cry even more than I cry while listening to the original? 2/10
steal my girl - not really something I’d want or need covered by mcr -10/10
ready to run - this song made me make this post, a clear 10/10
where do broken hearts go - I mean I’d probably cry, but I’d love to hear a cover, 7/10
18 - it makes me feel similar as songs from bullets or three cheers do, but on the other hand, this song already makes me sad and is crying so much I fill the ocean with my tears worth it? 5/10, probably
girl almighty - it would probably sound fun, I wouldn’t mind there being a cover, 5/10
fool’s gold - do you want me to cry? because that’s how to make me cry, no but also please/10
night changes - an existential crisis sounds nice in these trying times (not), 3/10
no control - it would be okay, I guess, 3/10
fireproof - why not, 5/10
spaces - another one presumably about the break up, it just wouldn’t Hit the same if mcr covered it, 2/10
stockholm syndrome - oh, please, that sounds like it would make a lit cover, 8/10
clouds - why tf not, I’d love to hear what mcr would do with it, 9/10, fuck me up
change your ticket - I can’t think about this song without thinking about that one tik tok where 1D members pop up in the girl’s room when their parts start, imagine that with mcr, I would scream (in a not good way), 0/10
illusion - I wouldn’t mind a cover, but really I don’t know what I’d do with it, 1/10
once in a lifetime - this song already makes me cry, I wouldn’t be able to handle an mcr cover, 3/10
act my age - heheh why not, it would make a fun cover, 8/10
hey angel - I wouldn’t mind a cover, so why not, 6/10 (would I cry? you can’t prove anything)
drag me down - I can see it being a good cover now that I think of it, 8/10
perfect - kinda curious how that would sound, 8/10
infinity - only if mcr is willing to pay for and play at my funeral, 8/10
end of the day - I wouldn’t mind an mcr cover if this one, but mostly I’m just indifferent, 5/10
if i could fly - the intro is too similar to cancer, and the original already makes me Cry, i would straight up get dehydrated and die from mcrying, but also, please 9/10
long way down - more mcrying, a whole party, 7/10
never enough - the cover would be probably pretty good, 6/10
olivia - it’s already a fun song to listen to, I wonder what the cower would sound like, 7/10
what a feeling - it has the potential to make me cry, 7/10, also it hits different in these times
love you goodbye - wanna see if they can be as tender as 1D is with this song,, 6/10
i want to write you a song - i don’t dare sending my gf mcr songs with the caption ‘that made me think of you’ in fear of the song having undertones of murder, collective death, nuclear winter or other dying stuff I haven’t noticed yet, this song is too soft, sorry mcr -10/10
history - it would most likely sound good, but it has a sentimental value that mcr just wouldn’t be able to capture, 1/10
temporary fix - HECK YES, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG THAT WOULD SOUND GREAT AS AN MCR COVER, 475475837/10
walking in the wind - I wouldn’t mind a cover, 5/10
wolves - it would be worth it just for the confusion between this song and house of wolves in search results, 10/10, bc i enjoy chaos
am - the original is soft and there’s really barely any instrumental background for most of the song other than acoustic guitar, so I’m wondering what mcr would do with it, 6/10
home - how much do I have to pay to hear mcr cover that one? 1000/10, it’s my fav 1D song
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applecherry108 · 5 years
Text
first of all hooooooooolyyyy shiitttt
FUCK tungle. it took like 30 tries to log in on desktop. admittedly, i was using the wrong password at first, BUT, even when i remembered the right one it kept giving me shit. This is what i get for being L337 i guess... -_-
anyways, im only on desktop so i can add a readmore to say:
i just,,,,,hate voltron. okay? It sucked. it fucking sucked. i watched the first season and it was like, okay yeah, this has potential. and then s2 was like, okay yeah not as good but maybe s3 will pick up...
s3 didn’t pick up. it was just one long death spiral by the same idiots who fucked up the atla sequel. i hate their writing, i hate their story plots, i hate how they butcher any good ideas they have, and i especially hate their inability to have good character AND plot development happen at the same time.
I got swept up in storm of klance and that’s about it. i have soft spots for other ships but at the end of the day i don’t care. i just don.t fucking,,, care???
the fandom is a mess, the crew was a mess, everything was a fucking mess from the get go.
Like who tf is this show written for?? it has to be for like, 8-10 year olds. It has to be. Everything is just so....stupid. Nothing is ever properly explained, motivations never really given, everyone is just a 2 dimensional cardboard cutout of a trope. And that pisses me off so much bc like??? other shows aimed at young kids can still have great world building. they can have good world building and characters and overall story and still be cheesy and a lil dumb. cheesy and a lil dumb is completely fine!! but voltron is just so...godammn... BORING!! it’s like i WANT to like the characters but its just so goddamn hard when everybody is so fucking flat. by all rights, i should want to marry allura. shes everything i loved when i was little, from her color pallet to her princesshood to her white fucking hair!! i should LOVE allura but i don’t!! i kind of hate her. why?? i don’t know!! shes so...boring! and flat! and fucking PASSIVE! everything in this show lands so fucking flat holy shit.
pidge at matts “grave”? yikes, that was second hand hard to watch for like.... “oooh this is so serious!” but the buildup wasnt there...it was kind of funny tbh... and HELLA awkward...
don’t get me started on lance and hunk. bolin was my favorite look character for the first few episodes and then he got knocked to Comic Relief and had maybe two (2) importantish moments. he/they may be part of the main cast but they’re not main characters. they feel like background props to the Actual Main characters.
which brings me to keith.
FUCK keith.
that’s my reaction after every! new! season!! is just,, FUCK keith. god the show functioned SO WELL without him. he’s just so...idk. i also don’t care. what was his character arc anyway? it SHOULD have been about learning to love and trust others but we only get that in lip service and speed run character development (i hate the quantum abyss...so much... like yeah, who cares about SHOWING our characters mature, let’s just tell that it happened in afucking montage.) if keith were a properly developed character he shouldve remained PASSIONATE and idk, run support?? that boy SHOULD have piloted red, end of story. period. keith doesn’t need to lead he needs to learn to TRUST others and that insludes trusting other WITH HIS LIFE. i won’t rant about how we should have had black paladin lance, but keith should have never ever been black paladin. even after he “matures” he still sucks at. he’s this awful,,little,, Shiro 2.0. and I hate it. i ahte it and i hate shiro just a little bit. even though he was arguably the most likeable character, he shouldve stayed dead. or missing. or whatever. he didn’t need to come back and they didnt need to make keith a little offbrand clone of him. i ESPECIALLY hate that they aged keith up 2 years for no goddamn reason other than to make him the Adult (tm). keith’s dedication to others was gre4at, but it should have, and im failing for this word here so forgive me, climaxed? cresscendo’d? whatever. /resulted/ in him playing support. not leader. lone wolf keith doesn’t need how to lead his pack, he needed to learn to HELP his pack. to be a TEAM PLAYER. he didn’t want the responsibility of leading bc guess what?? some people hate leading!! there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be support! keith’s entire arc is a huge mess of missed opportunities and a grand illustration that he is lm’s and jds’ favorite, just like fucking mako.
i won’t rant about mako, but just know i fucking hate him and the special treatment he gets, and good LORD does keith take over mako. keith isn’t space zuko he’s space mako and it fucking SHOWS.
okay, i’m losing steam here, but like.... so apple, why tf where u voltron 24/7 if you hated it so much? because homestuck was over and i needed a new hyperfixation. and i really had to force it for vld tbh. and at the end of the day, it wasn’t so much about the show itself as the potential of klance (or sheith, up until s3). between the interviews, the coding, the fucking EVERYTHING--it really felt like it could be canon. i knew in my heart it was queer baiting but i had HOPE dammit. hope that this could be killer representation, hope that these characters would delvelopment into something incredible. again, there was so much POTENTIAL. and all of it was wasted. everything really came to a head during the fucking game show episode. it was like lm and lds giving everyone who likes lance the middle finger, really driving home that “no no, he IS just stupid. he’s the comic releif. there’s nothing deeper about him and no one will stand up for him bc they all think of him as such.” and that just....broke my heart. we were so...SO close to lance actually mattering but nope! bolin’d again! and what was his purpose in s8? why to be an accessory to allura of course!
i’ve seen a lot of people really divorce themselves from canon and live solely for fanon, esp fanon klance but like.... i can’t. i just can’t. it’s so fucking hard to work with these cardboard characters. you can only draw so much depth onto them, you know? until the very last moments they had potential, but then it all got snuffed out. but who cares about canon? why bother with it? because! we don’t have a solid consistent fanon version of them! no one sat down and delivered the ten commandments of “here’s what we agree k and l are actually like” it’s stupid and it sucks because everyone has their own little differences and its so so tiring to basically be interacting with minutely different ocs all the goddamn time. canon matters bc it gives everyone the same base to work with. like a cooking showing with the same basket ingredients, but now it’s like.... ya’ll don’t wanna use the mandatory ingredients (and why would you? those canon ingredients are like, a century egg and spoiled sardines, they’re awful.)
okay, and im at work and just came back to this and dont remember my train of thought so like... what really threw all this into sharp clarity was the recent steven universe episodes. they were so...GOOD. so fucking good. so much plot and foreshadowing coming to a head. it was such a wonderfully satisfying payoff that it made me remember what a GOOD show is like, how vld is so very very /bad/. the difference is fucking striking. where one is an intricately woven tale with excellent character development and clear story AND character arcs, that can progress AT THE SAME TIME, one is a hacked together flaming dumpster firing that constantly falls flat and doesn’t know where its going or why. and it s so BORING! like fight scenes can be amazing! they can be well coreographed and tense! and we as the audience can be anxious about the outcome! and vld just wasn’t that! it was boring repetetive action in the least exciting way. and where su set up a lot of potential, holy shit they DELIVERED on that potential. not just for rep, but for characters! for story! for plain ol simple character interactions! and then, again, two dimensional cardboard cutouts.
and now with this difference in good vs bad show so very clearly highlighted for me, i just.... i can’t, anymore, with vld. it sucks. it sucked and i can’t pretend or force a fixation with it that just isn’t there, and truthfully, probably never was. maybe that’s why i’ve been struggling to finish my fic, struggling ever since i posted the last chapter, ever since s7, which, again, that game show was really the nail in the coffin as far as holding onto any hope that this tire fire would ever pick up. like a physically feel ill trying to finishing this stupid fic bc i don’t care so hard. i don’t care and i just... really want to be over it. im sick of seeing it everywhere, im sick of the drama, of the Discourse. like all fandoms have their issues, but hold fuck does vld fandom have a massive Purity problem. like, god, let people ship whatever. who cares. die mad about it.
like homestuck, idk if i’ll ever fully ween myself off vld but i want to move on. i want to enjoy Other Things without having this lackluster weight on my shoulders. and more than anything, i want to stop feeling like im obligated to like the same shit as i did two years ago, or last year, or hell, last week! feel free to unfollow, but yeah i just.... really needed to let this out in a proper post and not in the misc tags somewhere.
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this-brownie · 4 years
Text
04.22.20
I have been harboring a lot of pain and anger feelings for jen in the back of my head for the last 10 years. When I see her in person, I feel so good that I don’t have a need to bring it up, but those negative feelings, eventually, always return. I finally decided to let it all go and explain to her how I felt— the first part is the letter I read to her over the phone and the second part are my own thoughts and recollection after the phone call.
Part 1:
Maybe you have your issues with me because of that period in high school but it was never to push YOU away. I won’t diminish the fact it was detrimental to you regardless, but I didn’t intentionally prioritize myself at your cost. That happened to be the result of my stupidity and lack of communication. When you left for college, it was hard but you kind of repeatedly put yourself over me and our friendship, and it took a toll. We came back together once you found more balance in your school life and started depending on me more when you and worth broke up. I eventually moved back to New York and you had your off year; that was one of my favorite years. I like you because I have fun with you and because I like to hear you talk. I have often been angry when you couldn’t make it for me, even if it wasn’t your fault, and it constantly remained in the back of my head. But then when I see you it’s like those feelings wash away, and I’m like oh thisss is why I love hanging out with her. When you left, it made me really distant, which was better than fighting with you, but it hollowed me out. You had Mo, you had your life, you were busy. I wasn’t unhappy for you but you didn’t need me or make me feel needed. When I eventually moved on from Caitlin to Ivan, he brought on this intense joy and intimacy that I hadn’t experienced since hs. He made me feel so loved, and so crazy. It consumed me. With Levi, my other friends, and often you I feel grounded. Good positive feelings, nothing crazy. He fucking riled me up so much. Eventually it overwhelmed me but it felt amazing while it lasted. And I remember being so angry with you because why couldn’t you just let me be happy? You were hurt that I left you and it frustrated me that I should consider your feelings once again over mine. Talking to you normally made me feel empty. You were so fucking busy, and I was so busy that i didn’t feel connected when we spoke. But with Ivan, I always felt so good. I always craved that. Why couldn’t you let me have that? Because it came at your expense?
We call each other best friends and the reason I say I don’t need you there for me everyday is because you haven’t always been there for me. The person I talk to everyday now is Levi, and maybe that’s why in your own way you can’t fully trust me. I understand that- the feeling of giving your all to someone who won’t give it back. I wouldn’t want to ask you to irrationally be there for me but there are ways to make me special, which I feel I’ve done for you such as birthdays. My last birthday was one of my favorites because you actually made it. I was hesitant in telling you to even come because I didn’t want to let myself hope. I would rather sabotage myself than be let down.
The things that I perceive important are different than what you want/or are used to giving. Literally the first time ever I got hurt by you was when i walked you home after SPI and wanted to come over to your house but you said no. Obviously I understood the reason, but at that time I was SO taken aback because I had never experienced that. I thought we were friends because we had been eating together and hanging out all the time that I didn’t understand why wouldn’t just tell your parents you wanted a friend over even if you were scared.
There’s been times in the past when you made me feel like utter shit. I’ve gone to bat with my mom in the past about you. I remember in college you told me that you couldn’t tell your mom about me because I wasn’t in school and “what’s there to really say”. you were afraid to stand up to your parents even tho I’m your best friend. I under at and it’s your personality and your life but it was painful. There was a point that, I don’t even think you were angry, but you said something like I was bad influence on you. And you said it off handed, not accusatory— you said that at the end of the day, it was still your actions— but that was hurtful. The reason I get pissed and jealous is because sometimes it feels like you do stuff for others that you don’t do for me. Like when Sarah came over to your place. Or that time we went to Brooklyn shuffle with mo and Naomi and you posted a picture of just you and her. I mentioned it and you called me Nadiya which aggravated tf out of me and effectively made me want to shut up. I know it was mostly irrational and not a big deal, but I was annoyed that I planned the meetup Cuz of my bday but you honored her. It was tiny, but still hurt me and made me feel little. (Yes I know you posted a pic of us for my actually birthday but that’s not the point).
The bachelorette thing annoyed me a lot how it happened, at the time, but when I look back it was actually almost perfect. Nadiya was the one who fucked everything up. And also me, for picking a shitty restaurant. But what annoyed me after was that you didn’t talk to Nadiya. You explained that because you don’t care for her as a friend anymore, and didn’t want to bring it up but I felt like I wasn’t prioritized in that situation. Like I was full of anger and just had to let it go without any resolve.
I rmmbr a few months ago Levi was away for work and I was feeling extremely low, and I asked you something like ‘what do you do for me’ and you responded by saying that it was shitty of me to keep count. I was feeling hormonal from the implant but it makes me feel lonely when i think you can depend on me but I can’t depend on you. I don’t ask a lot of you, or at least I try my best to not bother you too much, which is why it feels good when you do things for me on your own. When you show me that you’ve thought of me. There was this meme I saw that said “affection hit different when you don’t gotta ask for it” that’s how I feel, maybe that’s just me being spoiled idk
The thing is I’m oblivious which is why I like it when you tell me “this is what I did for you” bc it keeps me in check. If I’m constantly reminded you love me, then I don’t have to doubt it or be stuck in my own head. I know you show your love in less obviating ways but they mean so much. When you’re patient with me, I appreciate that a lot. I don’t like when you spend money on me. I love quality time. I love when you make me feel important. I often don’t feel like that which is why I bitch at you lol. It might all be in my head, but how can I be sure? I’m the only one thinking about it 🤔
I am bringing up all the things not because they necessarily bother me anymore but I want to stop holding on to all of it. Feel free to yell at me about the shit I’ve done to you too, I know there’s been a lot. But I do love you, even if we just love each other differently. Even if you don’t post as many pics of me on your IG as I’d like, and I don’t like the pics you do post of me🤦🏽‍♀️ I cant help compare myself to your other friends. Why do they get better captions than me🙄 why do you cook for them and not me. Why do I always compare myself to them and feel like I’m on the losing end. I know this side of me is crazy which is why I like to keep it hidden. I know that you actually do love me (I think). But I feel I’m constantly thinking about how I personally can make you feel good. How to be reliable. How to be there for you. Like that weekend when you were upset about Aaron not responding and him possibly canceling the date. I knew you were in a shit mood so i wanted to do everything in my power to make you feel happy and wanted. To stock the house, and cool for you, and spend money on you, and call your friend and surprised you so that you can cheer up. I know you don’t care for grand gestures and you never ask this of me, but i like to do it and telling myself to *stop* doing it will make me feel dead inside. It’s unfair to put that standard on you and tbh I don’t want that, but I love feeling loved. Talk to me and validate me and make me feel like your present in my life.
I know this is all sounding one sided but you have done a LOT for me through out the years too. I think I’m less mean and crazy with you now than I used to be. You’ve exerted a lot of patience and leniency with me, especially though high school but also after college. Like when we travel and I used to go crazy planning, you bear with me. I remember I used to make you read my long ass college essays even though your probably didn’t fucking want to. You giving me meaningful gifts that you thought I would appreciate. You’ve tried your best to keep up with me— to give me my space when thats what I asked for, to be understanding when that’s what I needed, to put up with my childish, demanding, anal ways. Those qualities haven’t gone unnoticed by me.
I also know that you’ve grown up more and are more aware of my emotions. I know you’re not clingy to the point that you’ll be extremely upset if I’m busy. You take my feelings seriously, and when you point our flaws in me I also try to take them seriously and improve them. Ive come to terms with knowing there won’t be a lot of interactions with you, but at least they can be memorable when they do take place. But that has to be mutual. You’re depending on me more now because of the Eric situation which is fine but I’m hesitant to let myself be fully vulnerable. youll get back to your med school life, and eventually find a boyfriend and it’ll be back to being distant. It’s not ideal, but that’s life. You won’t really need me or pull at me. We’re adults so it manageable but it’s not such a pleasant feeling. I guess I am afraid of feeling used and then being left to tend to myself up until when you need me again
I won’t have any crazy expectations. I don’t want to burden you with all this, just want to communicate my feelings because sometimes it easier for me to clam up. I was thinking maybe I need to start asking you the questions that I would like for you to ask me. That way you can get an idea of the things that I like to talk about along with what we already discuss. I don’t want to keep repeating, to you, that maybe you’re not talking to me the way I would like. It makes you feel like there’s something wrong with how you’re communicating to me, rather than how I prefer things. And it’s always better to show, than tell.
Part 2:
I read my letter to her on the phone and she listened and agreed. I don’t know if I told you, maybe I mentioned it briefly, there was a period in hs after parker and I broke up, that I went mia for a week. Jen and I have been talking obsessively at that point so for me to just black out, and leave her in the dark like that took a huge toll on her. She realized that ‘I’m my own person, and I have a life without her’ so in college she tried to become more independent, to the point that she shut me out. I felt really betrayed because we had told ourselves we would still be super close and things wouldn’t change blah blah. But it felt like she knew they were going to change and she kept it to herself. Side note, although I was mia for that week, this was like first semester 12th grade— afterwards we were the “same” still continued to talk everyday, every moment like nothing changed. But her heart had changed and she never really let me knew how badly it impacted her. In college we were separated because she had to study 24/7 to get into med school and I was dealing with the horrors of my own life. In her spring semester of junior year, we had a huge fight where I told her that she’s always unavailable and hasn’t been a good friend. Things changed a little after that, we started talking more regularly but still sparse. I don’t have a lot of memories of us from that period, but I did hold a lot of pain. As college ended for her, she broke up with her toxic ex and started talking to me more. Not obsessively, but much more than we used to and in the manner a best friend would like calling me at 2am bc she’s sad and can’t sleep and staying on the phone with me all night even tho I had work the next day. I did that because I knew she was hurting, and I was in a better place, and I liked that she was depending on me again.
The next year was her off year and I moved back to nyc from Boston so we spent that entire year together and it was one of my favorites. We finally got to spend the time and do the things we wanted to do together since college. Went out to eat, explored new places, but it wasn’t perfect bc we couldn’t go clubbing since she was still scared of her parents. There were issues during this period tho, where she made me feel like shit- I couldn’t come over to her house bc I wasn’t in school therefore she had nothing good to say about me to her parents. It was hurtful. When she left for med school I had become clingy again and felt her absence deeply- instead of being bitter like I was in college I decide to outsource. I became close to Caitlin and we started doing all the crazy things Jen wasn’t able to do. Like staying out until 5am, doing coke, binge drinking. I was always angry at Jen in the back of my mind for not being there for me, but rationally knew that neither of us had a choice. After a year or so, my husband moved to SF, Caitlin started becoming crazy and super unreliable, and jen was busier than ever bc of school and *also* whenever she would come to visit nyc, her bf only made her hangout with him. We WOULD talk but it felt so casual that it drained me. I hated it, I felt so empty from it. I know some people would say that at least there was contact/effort there but it wasn’t enough for me. I was working and in school full time and it was hard bc I felt I couldn’t depend on anyone.
Eventually Ivan came into my life and it was a whirlwind. It consumed me, I was so fucking happy. Too happy— I started (unintentionally) talking to jen less and less bc I was so overwhelmed. She told me last night there were long stretches of me and her not talking, up to an entire month at one point. I honestly can’t even recall that. All I rmmbr is Ivan. She felt betrayed again and it triggered that similar pain from hs. Became emotionally distant, but then once she and Eric broke up, she propelled into my arms yet again and started depending on me emotionally. It sucked for me bc yeah I’m here for her but it felt she only reached out when she needed ME but I can’t reach her when I need her. Because I have to just be okay with the fact that there will be times when shes unavailable but it’s unacceptable if I’m too busy.
In my letter I basically told her I don’t feel cared for when we talk bc she’s not vulnerable with me which makes me feel not valued. As a friend, she’s great but as a bffl she’s not cutting it. I also said that she’s going to leave for residency and I don’t trust that we won’t be distant again, so I don’t want to fully invest myself. She told me my feelings are valid and that she’s been holding onto that pain from hs for a long time subconsciously and it’s affected her actions towards me. She essentially told me she doesn’t trust me bc she has a fear that I can leave at any moment and so won’t allow herself to be that vulnerable and clingy with me. I thought about that- and I agree it has been unfair to her. Just because I’m obsessive and crazy doesn’t mean I have the right to cut her off bc I feel like she’s not there enough. As an adult I have to understand that. To just drop off all communication like that, of course it’s going to have an effect. She agreed that we should have talked about the hs thing 10 fucking years ago instead of now. I think ultimately it would have been the same— I would have always felt bitterly jealous that she’s away busy doing stuff with other people. For me, there is no amount of talking or texting we could do that would replace an in person relationship. And sadly, there’s no way to sustain the relationship we had in hs. For her, it’s physically not possible and for me it’s not emotionally a good idea. Im very 0 to a 100 and that’s not how adults should be. She told me that it would probably be a good idea for me stay guarded and not extremely clingy as she goes off to her residency because we would be distant. I feel better talking to her and getting every thing off my chest esp bc I got to hear her side. I understand now why she acts the way she does, which makes me not harbor negative feelings for her.
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tardytothepardy · 3 years
Text
Fruits Basket - Vol. 9
Can people please stop hating Kyo for being a Cat Boy? Hate him for something else, idk. It bothers me so much when characters are hated for something they have literally no control over. Hell, it bothers me when it happens in real life! Hate a person because they're an asshole, not because of something they were born into. Kyo's made it pretty fuckin clear that he doesn't like being a Cat Boy. I'm sure, given the chance, he'd prefer something else. People be fuggin talking like he chose it. Wtf. Shit's stupid.
Anyway, apparently Yuki is gonna spend his summer dealing with some very tiring individuals. He's part of some student council or something, and apparently the previous/current people are not really that great at cleaning up after themselves, so Yuki has to spend his summer just trying to fix things and make shit work. It doesn't help that there's one guy who reminded him fantastically of his brother, Ayame. Things end on a slightly hopeful note, that maybe he can become friends with the people there, so that's good for him. He could benefit from a large group of people that have nothing to do with the Sohma family.
Also, Uotani got a boyfriend?? Kinda?? Idk. One night when she was working, a guy bumped into her. She laughed, which made him basically go 😳, but then she didn't get to know much about him after that. While she was talking about this guy (was his name even mentioned? I can't remember), she saw him?? Or was that a flashback?? Idk, it was really hard to tell. The important thing currently is that he's 26 and she's,,,, not. A nine-year age difference was mentioned a few times, and tbfh I'm bellowing from the roofs that that's not a vibe guys. Tis not. Please stop. Especially because it turns out that this motherfucker is in kahoots with fucking AKITO may he self-ignite in an empty gas station thank you very much, this does not bode well for Uotani. Akito probably planted him there to bump into Uotani, so that Uotani might eventually introduce him to Tohru and Hanajima, leading to ALL SORTS of bullshittery. I can wait. I can simply wait.
We also got some backstory on Hanajima! Finally!! She might be one of the last characters in the main circle to get one, but it has arrived nonetheless.
Basically, she has always had powers. From the way that she talked about them previously, I had thought that she was just really good at reading people's emotions and body language, and used her intimidating appearance to freak people out, but it turns out that she does genuinely have some kind of powers. They're psychic or something. It didn't go into where those powers came from, or how she got them. It seems like her brother (who is nothing like her, they don't even look alike) also has some kind of powers. It's been mentioned that he can "curse" people, but again, I'm not sure if that's literally the case, or just an intimidation tactic. The fact that everyone in her family outside of herself and her brother seem to have lighter colored hair might be an indication that something else is going on with her and her brother whose name I definitely haven't forgotten what are you talking about?? (i looked through it again, is his name Megumi? idk sorry)
From the beginning, people took her withdrawn, dark, and quiet appearance and decided that she was a witch, and were complete assholes for it. Just,,, raging assholes. They had her eat newts, they tried to burn her, they said she had "poison waves", whatever the fuck that was supposed to be. To be fair, she did make a boy go unconscious by wishing that he'd die, but that was back in elementary school. What kid didn't do that, haha right? But all this harrassment resulted in her parents transferring her to a new school, the same one that Tohru and Uotani were in.
The rumors followed her, but Tohru and Uotani insisted on being her friends, she simply couldn't refuse. And she wouldn't've, anyway, because it turns out that having friends is really nice, and she wouldn't change it for the world. <3 (that heart comes off as kinda sarcastic but it mostly isn't)
Chapter 52 (I'm using chapter numbers again?) started pretty nice, but, as I'm sure you could tell from the beginning of this post, it got just a smidge less nice. Basically, Kazuma invited Tohru and Kyo to have lunch with him at his place, and Tohru was pretty excited, but also mourned the departure of Kazuma's ponytail, may it rest in peace or something idk it's his hair. From their arrival, the lunch was a bit of a disaster, as Kazuma had completely burnt what would have been their food. Tohru, being Tohru, then offered to make lunch for all of them, much to the objection of Kyo, saying that a guest shouldn't be making the food for everyone (which I can get but like,, if she's cool with it I would be too). While Tohru's preparing the lunch, she lets it slip that Kyo once made a soup or something for her (probably when she got that fever over worrying too much about school or something), which Kazuma finds quite interesting, especially when Tohru says it was pretty good. Kyo however would much rather that the conversation would stop right now right here no more talking gtfo the kitchen Shinsou get out it's not important shut up. So y'know, average shenanigans.
After Kazuma has been removed from the kitchen, we meet a new character (though I'm not sure how much he's gonna be around in the rest of the series I guess I'll found out skdhgldhfgl): Kunimitsu. He says he's an understudy but also a secretary to Kazuma, but he's also known Kyo for a little while, and he and Kazuma have a chat about how chill Kyo's gotten over the last few months, and how much of a significant change it's been. Then none other than Kyo's dad, who hasn't really been brought up in the series thus far (and the only thing about his mom is that she's dead), calls Kazuma, who leaves to talk with him. Kyo's dad is straight up like "It's [Kyo, because he seriously referred to him as an 'it'] been allowed to be around people for too long, and that's bad. It's bad and gross and stinky and bad, and when it graduates, we'll lock it in a fucking dungeon until it dies and it'll never know the touch or voice of another person ever again. By the way, can you, Kazuma, the man who raised it, pwetty pwease help us in locking it up?" and then he's surprised when Kazuma is like "tf no"
Kazuma even went so far as to be like "Why are you so angry at him? Like seriously, you genuinely believe that Kyo, as a child, had any part in most of what happened to him when he was a child??" Specifically with the death of Kyo's mother, which of course his father blames him for. Kazuma says that Kyo's been so happy in the last few months, and that the way that Kyo's father was acting in that moment, was super close to how Kyo himself used to act: just angry and scared and lashing out at everything. It's not a cute look dude, get over yourself and stop being angry at a child. (No, Kyo's not a kid anymore, but still.)
Kyo's father retaliates by accusing Kazuma of taking in Kyo simply for the money, as if that would invalidate all the things Kazuma said, even if it was true.
Also, we found out who That Hat belongs to! Y'know, that hat that Tohru got after following the boy who helped her find her way back to her mom. Thanks to the hair shading, I thought it was Kyo, but it was actually Yuki. At least, that's what the story is saying now. Anyway, the hat is like,,, weirdly big, if it's supposed to be a hat that a child was wearing. No wonder it fell off. If I see Tohru wearing it, and it fits her fine, she either has a head the size of a small child, or that is a big ass hat for a small child. I doubt she would wear it though, because she seems to have it more as a memento rather than a fashion accessory.
Then the window in the room that Yuki and Tohru were in literally exploded, for some reason. It was like, moment of realization, Yuki basically being like 0o0, then the window exploded. Idk why, it was pretty random.
Also there was a bonus story about Tohru and Co. being stuck in school due to some rain and Haru told the scariest story, of a guy who was really thirsty, so he went into the kitchen and found a glass of iced coffee. He drank it all up without thinking, and then saw, in the bottom of the glass, a fucking COCKROACH and I swear to god that is something that I fucking worry about way too often. What the fuck would I do if I took a drink out of my water bottle and then saw a fucking bug what the fuck would I do that shit is so scary. Thankfully, the other characters also found it to be a very alarming story. Haru said he has a story about grated cheese, which I'm scared but also very interested in hearing about. Apparently Shigure wrote the story, so I guess he is actually writing something, this whole time. We see little blips of him writing stories, but the main consensus is that they are bad and should never have been written.
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smoothshift · 5 years
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A Ranting Tribute to Rover from a British person. via /r/cars
A Ranting Tribute to Rover from a British person.
This is somewhat inspired from the guy who posted the Top Gear Saab tribute earlier and no-one's gonna see this rant but what the heck. This is mainly going to be about the final era of Rover, from 2000 - 2005.
13 years ago, MG-Rover went into administration, but this time, it would be gone for good. In previous years, British Aerospace had bought them out, followed by BMW, then the chucklefucks at the Phoenix Consortium (we'll get to those bastards later, don't you worry), and it looked like someone else would try their luck with the brand: even Richard Branson of Virgin showed interest. But in the end, it wasn't to be.
Our story starts when BMW announces it wants to sell Rover in 1999. Two main groups, both British, have offers: Alchemy Partners, a venture investment group that would've focused on the MG brand and making mainly sports cars branded as MGs (due to the success of the MG F). The other offer came from the Phoenix Consortium, a group of 4 businessmen, however only 2 are of note: John Towers, who formerly held a high position within the Rover Group, and Peter Beale, who we'll talk more about later.
Of the two, Alchemy's business plan was far more solid BUT would've required laying off thousands of workers. Phoenix's plan was criticised as incomplete and unsustainable but promised to keep on as many workers as they could. The government at the time was formed by the Labour Party, who, of course being concerned with workers rights, chose Phoenix to buy the Rover Group. In 2000, BMW sold it to them for the eye-wateringly pricey sum of £10 (£16.53 in modern money), but not before they took the design of a replacement for the Rover 25 for themselves. Which went on to become the wildly successful Mini.
5 years later and the renamed MG-Rover goes down the pipes for the last time, and an investigation into why reaps scandalous results: The Phoenix Consortium were running tax schemes on the side with the bank Barclays (infamous in Britain for doing business with anyone, even Apartheid) and airline Ryanair (synonymous with just getting by regulations). On top of that the Big 4 at the Consortium were siphoning off millions for themselves, and the cherry on top, investigators found that Beale (remember him?) had bought and run a program called "Evidence Remover" a day before they were due to seize his computer (you just can't make this shit up!). Once was all and said and done, Phoenix stripped MG-Rover of all it was worth, selling off bits to whoever, and not one of the Big 4 went to prison.
So with all this going on behind the scenes, you'd expect the cars to be terrible, thrown together pieces of crap worthy of 80s GM, and the general consensus here in Britain is just that: even non-car people, when told that someone has bought a Rover, universally respond with, "Why?" But that's the saddest thing: they were actually really good, and that consensus was agreed upon during the British Leyland days, when they really were terrible. The Consortium was too busy running tax schemes to bother about the cars themselves, so the decades of automotive engineering experience at Longbridge was able to work its magic.
Don't believe me? Let's run down the range offered by MG-Rover before it disappeared. Just a quick note, Rover rebadged and re-engineered Rovers in the range into sportier MGs. Also, all MGs are follwed by a number, e.g. the MG ZR 160, MG ZS 180, etc. These numbers show how much PS the engine made.
Rover 25 / MG ZR
The Rover 25 was an unremarkable, if refined hatchback. The MG ZR 160, however, was a great hot hatchback, it's fizzy, 1.8 litre, variable valve timing straight 4 demanding aggressive throttle mashing. Unfortunately, the K-Series engine was prone to head gasket failures and everyone bangs on about it, but so was EJ25, and people worship that engine like a god. Now, I'm not calling the K-Series as good as an EJ, because it blatantly isn't, but it definitely had its merits, chiefly that it was the lightest engine in its power range being made at the time. The handling, on the other hand was acceptable at best, however what were you expecting for less than £15k new?
All-in-all, a good budget hot hatch, especially if you weren't prepared to pay the premium for a RenaultSport Clio 182.
Rover 45 / MG ZS
The Rover 45 was slightly less competitive in its class than the 25 was it its, mainly due to it looking, and in many ways being, older, although it maintained the theme of understated refinement set by the 25. However, the pièce de résistance was definitely the MG ZS 180. Under the bonnet of the 180 was a 2.5 litre KV6; no failed gaskets to be found here. Instead you got more power, better better torque and a better sounding exhaust note than the ZR. On top of that, racing driver Tiff Needell described the ZS as the best handling FF car he'd ever driven: high praise from an accomplished driver.
All things considered, a fantastic little car and, considering you can buy one of these for less than £2k here in the UK, the perfect car for the budding track day enthusiast or Honda Integra Type-R wannabe.
MG TF
A brilliant car that can be easily summed up: want a Lotus, but don't have the money? Perfect we have just the car for you! With the same 1.8 from the ZR 160, it was great to thrash, and it solved the handling problems of the ZR. Perfect!
Rover 75 / MG ZT
Not to sound repetitive but the Rover 75 was a very refined and cushy executive car. I probably need not say too much about it because Regular Car Reviews did a video on it and y'all probably seen it. But there's one thing RCR didn't mention...
V8. Yep. 4.6 Ford Modular, straight out of a base Mustang. No BS.
Rover's engineers decided they wanted an M3 rival, so they did a deal with Ford who shipped them to Longbridge where they were fitted into completely re-engineered 75 / ZT bodies (they turned an FF chassis into FR without majorly changing the exterior or interior. How.) The one downside is that these were base 4.6 Modulars: 260 hp wouldn't cut it against an M3. However, the ZT 260 was praised by Clarkson, saying he'd buy one if it had 50 more hp.
There was, however, a plan to remedy this.
A prototype was revealed, called the MG ZT XPower 385. This was a ZT 260 with suspension re-engineered by Prodrive (a British tuning firm), the engine completely reworked by Rover (so much so even the block was different) and supercharged to produce, you guessed it, 385 PS. This would have fair and squarely demolished the M3. If it ever got to production.
A very pretty Rover 75 Coupe prototype was also made. That also didn't get to production.
MG Xpower SV
Now this is interesting.
For whatever reason, MG-Rover decided it needed a supercar. So, already struggling with financial ailments, what did you think they did? Yep, bought out an Italian firm no-one had ever heard of. Qvale, to be precise.
Qvale was chosen as the only car it was making, the Mangusta, used a 4.6 Ford Modular, which Rover was already buying from Ford. "Great!" Thought literally everyone else, "Just slap on an MG badge and call it a day!" But no, MG had to pull a Saab and change everything. It is obvious just by looking at the Mangusta and the SV that they share almost nothing in common. On top of that, MG decided that Qvale should start using carbon fibre to make the body panels. To top everything off, instead of shipping the completely re-engineered V8s (similar to the one used the ZT 385 prototype) to Italy, the much larger bodies were brought to Longbridge where the cars would be assembled. Business planning at its finest, people.
Available in 320, supercharged 390 or Nitrous-boosted 1000 hp guises, the SV was again praised by Clarkson, who again said he wouldn't buy one, this tie because of price: Even the base 320 hp SV was £65,000. In 2003.
So that concludes my MG-Rover rant. In my opinion, its a tragic story of "Howevers" and "Ifs" that I could never fully do justice in this rushed Reddit post. I know no-one will read this, but I'm just posting in the hope someone will learn something. Like Saab, MG-Rover was a special company that would've achieved so much had they both not been fucked by their overlords.
Thanks.
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Episode #9 - “I am COMING FOR YOU, dumb man” - Nicole
https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175968850213/merge-idol-system
https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/175969514478/individual-immunity-2
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Late Merge Cast Assessment: http://youtu.be/3gvxvXGLtLk
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What in the actual fuck just happened????? So the second Dani used her legacy advantage I had Jake messaging me saying he knew and he made a move to try and get Julia out. Once tribal ended Anna also said she knew. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU GUYS NOT TELLING ME THIS SHIT! Like I feel stupid because I would have voted Julia out, but apparently they don't trust me enough to tell me, but I have to act like everything is okay and that I am fine with it. Also, what does Dani have with my ass, like stop talking about it and maybe talk to me before trying to say shit about me. She keeps saying I should get my torch "bluffed" which is not the right word so...she smart. Hopefully with whatever the new idol system is she won't be able to find anything and we can send her to jury because she is not welcomed here anymore and hasn't been for a while.
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I lost all hope today
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Um okay so yeah I kinda did that... An hour before tribal, Dani tells me that she has the idol and wants to do a split 2-2 vote with Bodhi and Julia. Um, I like Dani and Bodhi, but don't trust Julia. Then I get added to the chat last, and they push for Kevin to go!!! No way. Like it's hard because a lot of people seem to like or trust me but I feel like I need to stay loyal to Kevin and Anna since they were my first alliance in this game. I knew that this would be the perfect opportunity to take Julia out because she has so many connections. So I went to Anna and Kevin and told them about what was happening and they agreed with voting Julia out! So to cause the least amount of drama, we kept quiet until drama. Julia went home and... um Dani popped tf off on me. Like yeah, I fucked over Dani and Bodhi and I do feel bad about it because they trusted me. I'm sorry guys, I wish I could make everyone happy but with Dani causing so many waves and Bodhi not talking to that many people, I can't risk ruining my game to save them, especially when I've been closer to other people. Me voting with them and causing that 2-2 split vote would have hurt my game more down the line, and I really do think that this was the best move. The only negative part is the fact that I didn't tell anyone else, which could hurt me. But I just gotta explain what I did to everyone and keep going. Also Julia if you read this later on, that wasn't a personal move, it was simply strategic. I truly felt like you have the most connections in the cast and that you did not trust me, taking you out later would be a tough challenge for me.
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https://youtu.be/digZc7uZyzM
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OK FUCK YOU GUYS FOR VOTING OUT JULIA! I AM SOOO MAD I AM GETTIN REVENGE! JAKE PREPARE TO DIE U LADY BUG! AND ANNA OMFG BITCHHH WHY TH FUCK U DO THAT OMG I WANTED TO LIKE U SOO BAD BUT UR S SKETCH FOR NOT TELLIN ME THE PLANN! LIKE DAFUQ...  ughhh i still want to work with u soo bad but ughhh ur gonnna win if u dont get out! AND OMFG KORI I DONT HAV TIME TO TALK TO U RIGHT NOW AND U INQURING ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED AND LIKE USING PROPER GRAMMER I CANNOT IT IS KILLING ME MY GOD. this whole tribe is crap i ahte them all and trust no one. i only like john now. DANI OMFG GIRLL IM TRYIN TO WORK WIHT U BUT UR SOOOOOOOO MOUTHY U GET UR ALLIES IN TROUBLE WITH UR BIG MOUTH! ME AND JULIA AND ITS AWFUL I JUST UGHGHHGGH
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I still can't believe last night happened.... Like...we made a move... We...did something. I really love our alliance and I love that Anna is back. But a group of 3 among a group of 12 is easy to be picked off. I think Dani should go next. Or I want her to go next. But someone already found the fucking merge which like what the fuck, so we have to tread carefully. If I had to guess... I don't know, I would guess Ryan has it? That man knows everything about editing the wiki so I feel like he could easily find it. Especially since whoever found it did it in the span of like. Two fucking hours. Fuck them. Also John is apparently ~awake~ I guess because getting votes alarmed him. I told him the tea and I think he wants to work with my trio, he says he likes all of us. And clearly we're expendable to Dani and Bodhi so like...bye bye!
https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/176000696418/individual-immunity-results-2
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The one chance I had to save my ass was BLOWN into the wind. I am SHAFUCKED.
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ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I was one point away from winning immunity again (depending on the answers to the tiebreaker). Hoping people don't notice that too much though because I don't need to be seen as a threat. Either way, I think the plan will be Dani again, because knowing her competition record in this game, I doubt she got the merge idol. I really want an easy tribal after the one last night because that was too extra. 
Ok, so a lot is going through my head right now. Apparently Bodhi is targeting Anna so she wants him gone this round. Bodhi is with Dani, and Dani is not good for my game, but honestly I don't want Bodhi gone yet. Anna is good for my game because she is a bigger target than me and she trusts me. But also, she is good at challenges and is working with Jake who is running the game. I need to be closer to Jake than she is and while I'm not sure if that is what the end result would be if I vote her out, it could be worth the chance. I just don't want to make the same mistakes that I did in Himalayas where I let someone else make all of my moves, with this, I am making my own move by taking a chance with my game that is risky and could put a target on my back, but shows that I can make a move. After the vote I could talk to Jake if he realizes I switched and say how I thought she was being shady to me and what not (it could help to lie) and that she is a really big threat because she is smart and so many people like her and it seemed only Dani was targeting her. But if I switch and Anna stays then I could be fucked...but I could also blame it on Kori. What sucks is, if I had won immunity I would be questioning this a lot less and making the move because it wouldn't be able to backfire on me for this tribal.
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Oh Bodhi's real fucking cute, huh. He's really trying it!!! Little Bodhi took a fucking nap in the second swap, not even bothering to talk to me, and then at merge he FINALLY responds, he comes to me all cute and all "omg lol i'm such a flop" yeah you sure fucking are! 24 hours after that he and his ragtag rat gang decide I'm expendable for the sake of drama and that dumb plan falls apart. But little Bodhi's still coming for my head!!! Now he's saying Jake Anna and I are in control. We are literally three people in a group of 12, we are not controlling anyone dumby. I'm sorry that you're so obsessed with me, like I hope you seek help about that but please stop targeting me. Im fucking eleven so shut the fuck up. Ugh I'm PISSED but thankfully i don't think he has connections so voting him out should be easy peasy lemon squeezy. Im literally a social flop leave me alone
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Okay so it's been a minute but I'm back in the game. I think I really screwed up my game by going on vacation but I do not regret it because vacation was AMAZING. But, now that I'm back I heard that Jake and Bodhi are tryna get me out after getting out Julia. Well, I'm not going to let that HAPPEN. Bye bye Bodhi. I am going to be online all day drowning my sadness of no longer being on vacation and I am COMING FOR YOU, dumb man. I will get you voted off.......or I will get voted out but, hopefully the first one!
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Woohoo! First time being immune in Athena and it feels sooo good. Especially with this messy tribal! So after immunity results, Dani did a 180 and went from cussing me out to saying that she’s alone and thinks it’s best for my game to use her as a number and shield, which I agree with. She was pitching to target Anna and Timmy, but I deflected that and told her that we should vote out Kori because he’d be easier to take out. She agreed and said that we could get Ryan, Blake, John, Bodhi, and Nicole. Things are calm until Anna and Ryan tell me that Bodhi told Ryan that me/Anna/Kevin are running the game and need to be targeted. Um? Bodhi, don’t call for me unless I send for you please. This makes me not want to try to help him out now. Anna is considering splitting the votes between Bodhi and Dani in case of an idol. Bodhi comes to me this morning and tells me that he wants to vote out Nicole which is even MORE confusing. These bitches are messy, I’m not sure where the votes are falling or where I even wanna vote right now.
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why Dani why can't you listen to one thing i say! WHEN I SAYYY DONT TELL ANYONE THIS LIKE NOTHING AT ALL THAT MEASN SHUTUP! OMG DANI I LOVE U BUT UR GAMEPLAY THIS TIME AROUND IS AWFUL! if u seriously wud of done nothing and been going about ur day u normally wud u wud hav a huge chance of stying tonight but here u go again fucking urself and messing this shit up like wtf... dud why cant u listen to me its infuriating. i dont think i can help u anymore just everytime i tell u a piece of information u fucking leak it into two seconds! and then it gets back right to me that u opened ur mouth. u r making this o hard for me.
I'm about to tara this Final 5 im idoling Anna out and then ima go to f3 wiht two goatier ppl than me (lookin at u nicole and kori <3)
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Welp. Jake's immune tonight, and the names are flying everywhere, with Mine, Dani's, Bodhi's, and Nicole's just floating around. I have to hope people are being honest with me, but if I'm being serious and realistic, it doesn't look too good for me overall. Anna was also suspicious I wanted to vote her out, and I mean yeah eventually I will but not right now. I suspect Dani since Dani also told me Anna would vote me out in a heartbeat, but for some reason I have a hard time believing that. Of course I've been lead astray before, last season I was with Ally 100% and she totally back-stabbed me, so we'll see if Loyalty is my downfall again. On the plus side, finished that merge boot/first juror unfinished business. Now I just gotta somehow survive tonight to beat my previous placement of 12th place.
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Dani i love you sooo much but u are making this game hard for me :( i hope u stay but if u r majority... im sorry
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Honestly I'm kind of hoping for a tie. Would make things really interesting. Although I think that the vote is going to be something like 8-4 with the 4 being Dani, Bodhi, Nicole, and Blake. I can see them possibly getting Isaac but that's it though so it probably won't be a tie. Although if Bodhi does go, that's not bad for my game so woo.
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Well it looks like Bodhi could be fucked if he doesn’t have the idol. And if he does have the idol then I want him and Dani to vote out someone I don’t trust, like Kori or Nicole. Preferably Kori because I think he’s well connected with John and Blake and will be a problem for me later on. I wanna tell Bodhi to play his idol if he has it but like I also don’t know if I trust him after I heard he was talking shit about me to Ryan. Regardless, I just don’t want Bodhi going to Ponderosa pissed at me. I need to keep my jury management in mind.
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So I got absolutely nothing for Touchy Subjects and I was debating whether or not this was a good thing or not and I think right now that it’s great. No one sees as a threat and everyone is going after the bigger targets within the game and I think we should just let them rip each other apart. I’m a very opportunistic player so when the time comes to make moves I plan on rocking the boat but as of right now I think it’s best to keep my head down and watch the fireworks.
Hey ladies it seems we might have a curvy spined mastermind. Idk how he’s doing it but Jake is able to discern where the majority lies in this vote which is something nobody else has been able to do which gives me 2 options: Option A Jake created a majority against Bodhi to protect Nicole oR Option B Jake has a social game for the Gods. Either way he’s a threat and I’ve got my one good eye on that binch
Girl I thought Jake was joking about the curved spine but that binch got scoliosis. Sorry rip.
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ok so there is a lot going on. after that last tribal anna and jake both explained they needed julia gone because dani had an idol and blah blah blah whatever...i love julia...but she was in an alliance without me so its not the worst thing to happen...so now i have everyone being boring and wanting dani out....but i fucking love dani.....so i was on call with bodhi last night and he basically wants to shake things up...and i agree....but i dont see that happening if there is no drama....so i take everything he says about anna and jake and i tell both of them...which makes anna go into a downward paranoia spiral...so good...now im completed phase one....so now the names of dani kori nicole and bodhi are all out there for the vote...my goal is gonna be to pass along information to everyone so that it just causes chaos...cause if bodhi and dani stay thats so much more drama and i love it...sorry i had to do this to you bodhi but i used you and your plan to do what you wanted...just not in the way you wanted it to happen
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Jake and Anna are way more competent in this game than I am. I'm gonna ride out this alliance for a little longer, but they need to go. If I went to the final 3 to them it's clearly 0 votes third place for me. I think I could use the tea they said about Ryan and Timmy to my advantage. They and John fear those two because they're good at challenges. Luckily for me Ryan came to me before the merge about sticking with the challenge beasts. I'm just not sure when's the right time to strike. Or with who. Like say it's that 3. Who do we get on board? I think John's sticking with Anna and Jake. I could probably get Dani on board... I think if I wanted to pull this move off, I'd have to get down and dirty and expose my alliance with Anna and Jake, to give people an incentive to vote with me. That's for the future, though. Tonight, it's Bodhi or Kori. I wanna keep Kori around. I think I have enough tea that Kori could be useful. Because Jake was the one who suggested splitting on Kori. So I have to PRAY Bodhi doesn't play an idol, because I want Kori in this game. Hmm I'm thinking many steps ahead which can be dangerous because I don't wanna have tunnel vision in this game, I wanna keep my mind open and with the flow. We'll see how the turns table...but I'll be one happy boy if they table my way...
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Dear lord please save me tonight. DEAR LORD PLEASE SAVE ME TONIGHT I HAVE A LOT MORE FIGHT IN ME. I NEED TO STAY GOD PLEASE.
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WELL right now im like playing lowkey sorta lol. i want eveyrone to see me as like dumb and dependent on them so they will think i need them for the later game and they see me as a number for them and as a friend. Right now im on eveyrones good side i believe. Like i dont think anyone wants to see me go home right now. But ass of rn im planting seeds of distrust against Jake so later in the game ppl will be more willing to vote him out. My strategy rn is to continue laying low being on everyone good side go with majority and wait for the big players to attack one another. after that ill take out the remaining big player (hopefully i make it that far lol) then me and some goats will go to the finals :D
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God I forgot Isaac was in this game!!!! Lmao. I'm gonna write this down just to...formulate a plan. Anna and Jake - both big threats. Anna has the hero thing going on for her, Jake's in the middle controlling the game. John - seems to be on the Wig ship, but like kind of a stowaway Timmy and Ryan - so called scary challenge beasts. John and co don't trust them. That's ammo I can use to sink the wig ship. Kori and Isaac - these were the two people Jake and Anna wanted to split votes on this round. That can also be ammo. Dani - crazy queen who wants to clock Anna. Probably pissed at Jake Bodhi - hopefully dead by 8 pm EST Nicole - she's here too Blake - he's kinda a question mark for me, at least I personally don't know where he's at but i'm honestly just not paying enough attention sksj So... If I wanted to take down the Wigs, I could use Ryan and Timmy. That's 3. I could maybe get Isaac and Kori. That's 5. And dani? God do I really want to use Dani? But that would make it 6. I don't think final 11 is the best round for this move. But if the Wigs target someone I wanna keep around, a bitch just might have to flip earlier than expected. And if I hear someone's targeting one of the wigs? A bitch just might have to jump on board.
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SO i got one vote last round Turns out it was from Bodhi. He Julia and Dani tried to split the votes onto me and Kevin, and tried to get Anna and Jake to join them. Anna and Jake are my peeps so they made sure I wasn't the vote and got Kevin to vote out Julia. Jake said it was because he knew he could trust Julia which I knew already, and I probably wouldn't have been down for it. I will say that Julia being out of the game isn't the worst thing for me even though we were good friends in this game and was probably my closest ally. Dani told me she wanted Kori out, and I really do like Dani, but Kori is somebody that I have been working well with. So I immediate told him I had his back. Anna told me that she wanted Bodhi to go this round and that would be my first choice too so YAY. The entire day I have been talking to people and making sure that they are also wanting this to happen and now it seems to be majority?? Let's hope so If he plays an idol I'll die
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https://youtu.be/-lkkcKJhnLI
https://survivorunfinishedbusiness.tumblr.com/post/176036989118/merge-tribal-council-2
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Bodhi is voted out 8-3-1, you can find his preseason interview here.
You can see how his thoughts as a juror changed below:
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