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ginger-snapled · 3 years

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It was shaping up to be just another regular night on the clock. There were the usuals sipping their poison of taste and sliding dollars over like it somehow made them special. Then the newbs, you could always tell which ones were stopping in for the first time. Typically, they had two other ‘buddies’ with them, egging them on and making crude comments trying to eek a blushed reaction from said Newb. And more often than not succeeding, which always meant whichever girl was closest received the blunt end of rude commentary and a couple $20s slipped over by Newb with an apologetic smile. Max stood at the door, arms crossed, surveying the crowd as an ever-looming presence that would likely snap your neck almost as quickly as he could ask you to leave. There was no need to feel unsafe with his calculating glare keeping tabs.

“I need you in room two.” The night manager, Jax, appeared next to me from what I could only assume was shadow walking as I hadn’t heard a single movement.

“It’s Amber’s night. And AJ’s backup.” I protested, scanning the crowd in mild confusion. None of the ‘regulars’ of mine were here so there wasn’t any reason for me to run a room on my off night.

“Yea well…Amber’s already been in there. As has AJ” Jax grunted shaking his head. “Candie, Brit, Celine, and Angel too if you’re wondering. I went through the list of everyone scheduled tonight before coming to you. I’m not stupid.”

One of the perks of being more ‘established’ here was that even the managers knew better than to send you in for tasks not on your day’s schedule. Gone were the nights of doing whatever was said in order to make money and keep making it. My face must have betrayed my shock as the names were rattled off because Jax quickly kept on before I could object.

“N-not like that. No. Fuck no. We’d have asked him to leave if that was the case. No” He paused giving me a side eye. “He said he’s just here looking for some relaxation but for whatever reason he keeps dismissing them. Candie was asked to leave before she’d even made it all the way through the door…you can imagine her reaction to that sort of ego pop.”

We both snickered as I could absolutely imagine it, Candie was one of those women who believed she was a gift to human kind and acted accordingly. If you didn’t worship her existence there wasn’t much point to yours. “All right…” I gave in, pulling my jacket off and handing it over. “But I’m skipping out on it being my room Wednesday. You’ll have to find someone to fill in.”

Jax took my jacket with a grateful sigh, clearly relieved though I couldn’t understand why. “Okay…look…you get him to commit to his hour reservation payment and I’ll take you off the room for two rotations. Dude’s offered a couple grand cash if we can offer this ‘relaxation’ he’s after and clearly run of the mill strip tease and CandieCane blow jobs isn’t it…”

Ah…there it was. The ever-present money motivator. I chuckled, giving Jax a thumbs up as I made my way to the room. I wouldn’t say it out loud but I had to admit I wanted to know who was in the room. I didn’t hold too much hope that I’d keep his attention, while I know I’m above average in the looks department I definitely think at least two of the others rank above me. And he’d dismissed them.

I knocked, entering without waiting for invitation, and glanced around. The room was as it always was, comfortable seats on one side, small private stage and pole directly in front, a little table where drinks rested. And an unassuming man who lounged in one of the chairs. I’d never seen him before but judging by his relaxed demeanor he wasn’t among the newbs, and the causal jeans and t-shirt he sported pegged him far lower on the corporate chain than most men using this room.

“Evening.” I offered sweetly, starting towards the stage. “I’ll be stepping in for your entertainment. If there’s anything you want or need don’t hesitate to let me know.”

He hadn’t stopped me in the door way, though I felt his eyes move over my clothing and tried not to feel self-conscious. Jax would die if he knew I hadn’t changed before going to ‘work’ and instead popped in wearing my street clothes. Which today consisted of yoga pants, a sports bra, and an off the shoulder sheer shirt. I’d had the good sense to kick my shoes off at the door but otherwise I probably looked like the plainest woman around.

I placed my phone on the speaker, setting the playlist and making my way to the pole. I preferred dancing to instrumental music, lyrics tending to get in the way of intention and vision. It’s easy to get into the movements of dancing when it’s not for anyone other than myself, usually not a problem for me. But tonight was different because of Jax’s urgency that this work…and the man barely even glancing my way.

I’m not sure how he dismissed any of the other ladies working tonight because not once did I catch his eyes on me, not a single twist or bend. He didn’t seem to notice when my shirt landed on the floor, nor did he bat an eye as I slowly peeled off my yoga pants one leg at a time. (Yes girls, there’s a sexy way to do this). No…he spent the entire time staring at the lit square screen in the palm of his hand, sipping his drink. I should have been happy that he hadn’t sent me out. This is what Jax had wanted. This was what I was supposed to be doing. But I couldn’t be happy about it because the jackass hadn’t given me enough of a look over to even KNOW whether he wanted me to stay or not. I made it through 7 songs before frustration got the better of me.

My bra lay on the stage with the rest of my clothes and I found myself hopping off and all but stomping to this man without realizing it. ‘get your ass back up there and keep your mouth shut’ I could hear Jax all but screaming in my mind.

“Am I boring you?” Too late. My head-space Jax fainted as the man finally looked up at me, dark eyes blankly assessing.

The only part of me not naked was the thin line of a lace thong, the rest of me was bared a mere foot from him. I’d been naked in front of plenty of men but for some reason the fact he’d all but ignored me up until now made my nakedness new all over. My breasts reacted sharply to this arousal, nipples perking up, and he must have noticed because immediately his lips parted in a proud smirk.

“Yes.” Was all he offered, staring at me for a moment, then looking back to the screen in his hand.

I stared at him, disbelief that made me impulsive and frankly frustrated. And a little wet.

“Then what can I do to make you NOT bored?” I asked, trying to keep my tone level. He laughed.

“Ha. Doll face…does a chef at a michellin star restaurant ask his customer what he can do to make the food not boring?” He still didn’t look at me. “No. The customer is paying for a meal that should be divine based on the reputation of the restaurant. Either you’re a chef who knows how to do their job. Or you might want to go back to waitressing.”

That was it. He never once looked back up. But he also hadn’t dismissed me. ‘Go back to the stage, give him this dumbass meal he’s paid for and leave it be.’ Inner Jax had come to enough to start ordering me again. But I was too heated by now. This customer had been dismissive of everyone on staff, dismissive of ME, and now basically insinuated I needed a different job since I was incompetent in mine. Or so I heard.

I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how it happened, but one moment I was standing in front of him demanding to know if I was boring and the next I had straddled myself over his leg. I began grinding my clit against him with the beat of the song and took his free hand to hold my breast. He didn’t bat an eye which only made me grind harder. Desperate now for him to show he noticed at all. But he didn’t.

I kept pressing my clit against him, grinding harder on his leg as a wet spot began to grow on his jeans. The roughness of the fabric only teased my thighs farther and I knew I was dripping. I wanted him to pinch my nipples, slide a finger into my wetness, anything to show he noticed the ache that had grown. But he didn’t. My breathing got deeper the longer I used his thigh to tease myself, the hand resting on my breast did nothing to alleviate my desires and I could feel the pleasure building within me.

“Do not cum.”

He hadn’t looked at me, but he’d finally spoken again. Only this time it was to deny the very thing I wanted so desperately. And like hell I was going to listen to the jackass who hadn’t paid a single bit of attention to me all evening. AND had called me boring.

I came. Hard. Wetness spilling out of me and soaking onto his jeans. A delicious intensity of pleasure that rocked my core and released the tension his rude words had given me.

“Now look what you’ve done…I hope you’re ready to pay for that.”

His tone was teasing, full of wicked promise, and I realized he was no longer staring at the phone. I also realized I’d missed something crucial during my intensely pleasure-filled orgasm.

There was a bulge between his legs, straining to break the jeans away…and his free hand had slid up to my throat.

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fandomandflowers · 3 years

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Beta Reading Guide

A Beta Reader is someone who reads an Author’s, usually unpublished, fan-fiction, or work of writing. Not every Writer is a Beta Reader and not every Beta Reader is a Writer. There are many different ways to Beta Read and it is about finding what works for you and your Author.

To me, Beta Reading is about working with your Author to help them feel as though their work is the best it can be.

You’re offering an outside, Average Reader’s perspective which is incredibly useful in picking up plot holes, spelling and grammar mistakes, changes in tone or theme, and where a sentence structure may not be so good.

Just as there are different types of writers, there are different types of Beta Readers.

I, myself, have very little clue when it comes to Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar (or SPaG) so the Beta Readers I use are usually pretty good at that sort of stuff. At the same time though, I can manipulate dialogue and actions to express what the author wants to happen while also being in character. Everyone has a different skillset, and that is part of what makes fan-fiction writing so wonderful. Everything is different.

If you’re interested in becoming a Beta Reader then here are some things that may help you along the way:

Don’t Beta read ‘just for fun.’

While Beta reading is fun, please don’t be one of those people who offer to beta read just because of that. The first thing to know about Beta Reading is that it isn’t about you. That seems harsh, but at the end of the day, it is about helping the Author. While helping them is really fun, and a great way to build relationships with people, your main focus shouldn’t be on what you’re getting out of it, it should be about helping the Author put out the best work they can.

You’re allowed to say no.

This has its importance in every aspect of life, but here we’re talking about if someone asks you to Beta Read a fic for them. A simple ‘No, thank you,’ can save a world of trouble. You don’t have to have a reason, and you are under no obligation to share your reason if you have one. It is better to say no before you start than in the middle of looking into someone’s fic. While you can leave at any point you should never ghost an Author by just dropping out. It is always better to tell them you can’t do it anymore, Authors are lovely and understanding people (Or at least all the ones I have encountered).

Communication is so important!

I am a big fan of Google Docs! Even if you don’t usually use it for writing it is incredibly helpful for sharing, editing, suggesting, and communicating. There is a chat function on Docs, once there are two people (on desktop) in a Document, the chat function will be there in the top right of the screen. But if you and your writer don’t use Google Docs, you must have some other way of communicating. Discord is great; Whatsapp and Messenger work too if you are more familiar with your partner.

Be Open and Honest.

If you get squicked or triggered by certain things, or even if you just don’t like reading them, then let the Author know, because they know what is in their fic! While I know many people who have or do on a regular basis, it isn’t necessary to get squicked or triggered just to beta a fic for someone. If you tell your partner, it might only be one line, and they can block it out for you. If not, then you can move on to other projects.

Be honest about what you are and aren’t good at in terms of writing and editing. I always tell anyone who asks me to Beta for them that I am rubbish at picking up on SPaG errors. And it is okay that you aren’t good at everything, no one expects you to be, but it is expected that you know your own limits. Often Authors aren’t looking for a whole editing progress, just someone to go through it and tell them if it sounds alright.

Ask what the Author is looking for before you start reading.

Is the Author asking you for knowledge on Canon? For SPaG? Tone? Brit Picking? Plot holes? Dialogue? Is the Author asking you if you think everything is in character? It is important to know what sort of advice/help/information they are after so you know what to look at more closely.

If they explicitly tell you they aren’t after help with SPaG (or any other point) then don’t give it to them. Offering something like: ‘I noticed some spelling errors, would you like me to tell you about them?’ is perfectly fine, but if they ask you not to do something, then don’t.

It is also important to establish if this project has a time restraint. Many fests require Beta Readers and so an Author might have a due date enforced. Or they may simply prefer to get it posted as soon as possible. So ask how in-depth they want you to go; are they after accuracy or speed?

There are many different types of fics, and each is written differently so it is important to know what sort of fic theirs is. Crack? AU? Canon? You don’t want to be telling your Author all the Canon mistakes in an AU fic, and you don’t want to miss out telling them about Canon mistakes if you think the fic is supposed to be AU.

Some authors aren’t after a lot of robust and constructive criticism and instead are more looking for support and cheerleading. Also, I like to ask, if they haven’t finished the fic, whether they are looking for ideas on where to go next.

Suggest. Don’t Edit.

Never edit someone’s writing. That seems counter-intuitive, but what I mean is don’t write over what they have written. It is rude and a sure-fire way to make enemies.

I will say it again and again. I love Google Docs! You can change the setting to only make suggestions, so if you cut a word it only shows a strikethrough. Then that suggestion can be accepted or declined. This is great for editing and apart from that, it is also great as the author can pick up on mistakes they have made multiple times which helps them grow.

Commenting is excellent for giving ideas about specific sections, asking questions, and pointing out things you like and think work really well. If you don’t use Google Docs but are still editing on a word document then you have other options, but always ask the Author what they’d prefer. You can use [these handy brackets.] <These too.> You can change colors, or bolden your edits if there is no bold text in the rest of the document. Another alternative is to simply make a list, quote the unedited passage then list the changes that you think should be made, underneath.

If you think something major should be changed, explain why.

I like to do this with almost all my edits, to be honest. If I want to change the structure of a sentence, I explain: ‘I think this makes it more readable’, or 'I think this lends itself to the flow’, or 'I think this allows for more descriptive language’.

From the Author’s perspective, it can be hard to see why you’re suggesting changes. If there is a plot hole then explaining where or why it doesn’t work is incredibly helpful!

The authors are under no obligation to accept any of your suggestions.

Please don’t get offended if the author doesn’t accept a suggestion you made. At the end of the day, it is their creation and they are the ones to decide what happens. I love my Beta readers so much because they’re always seeing things I don’t. Sometimes they give suggestions and I love them, but they also don’t always work with the tone, or they might have changed a bit of foreshadowing… or as is more usual in my writing, they may have wanted to change a very stupid line that I love because I think it is funny, despite literally no-one else ever thinking so.

Try not to change the tone of a piece of writing.

Similar to the last point, this is the Author’s work, they decide the tone of what they’ve written. I tend to write more light-hearted, funny fics than sad and angsty ones so when I beta I try to avoid Beta reading those sorts of fics as my edits just tend to lean more toward making the fic light-hearted. Seeing as I don’t really do Brit-picking or SPaG edits then the type of fic is one of the first things I ask the creator if they want me to Beta.

If an author asks you to leave, then do not argue. Just leave.

You wouldn’t like an argument if you said no to Beta Reading, and likewise, the author doesn’t want an argument for asking you to leave. There are many reasons you might be asked to leave. Life could have gotten in the way, they might feel self-conscious about writing when others can see, they may not like your suggestions, they might feel like they don’t need any more advice or they simply don’t feel like having a beta reader anymore. While it isn’t common for an Author to ask someone to leave, it is perfectly valid and should never garner argument.

Talk to the Author about crediting you.

I only use AO3, so I am not sure about how things are on other sites. But often I will see in the ‘Author’s Notes’ a thank you to their Beta. This is lovely, I think. It lets the readers know that the writing has been Beta’d, it can make the Beta feel special, and it can work as advertising if the Beta is interested in other projects and wants to make a name for themself. There are also reasons why you may not like to be mentioned at all, if you prefer to stay anon, don’t want to be linked to the work or creator, or for no particular reason at all. So talking to the author about whether you want your name there if they decide to credit you is, I think, a good idea.

%%%

I hope this was helpful to at least someone out there. While things change in every situation, the most important thing is being able to communicate, whether you’re a Beta or Author (or both).

Beta Readers are honestly some of the most appreciated people. Ever since I learned what a Beta Reader is, I have learned so much and am so thankful to have friends who are always willing to check out my writing for me.

Special thanks to Streitkertoffel for helping me out Beta’ing my Beta Guide :P

#guide #beta reading #fanfiction

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formula-one-thoughts · 4 years

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What’s going on at Red Bull?

2020 (ignoring the global pandemic) should theoretically be Red Bull’s most comfortable year in F1 for a while. With Ferrari dropping considerably off the pace to the back end of the mid-field, their closest rival of the last few years has effectively been eliminated. Having pushed through the pitfalls of his aggressive driving style and refined his approach to racing, Max Verstappen has barely made a mistake of the kind that hampered his first few years at the team. They have on their hands a man who is widely considered (I believe rightfully so) to be the second best driver on the grid. And the results in part speak for this – they seem to have 2nd in the constructors championship in the bag. But a number of issues are plaguing the team that are making this an increasingly difficult season for them.

Firstly, Alex Albon simply isn’t delivering. It pains me to say this, as I love Alex; he is a genuinely nice guy and a great driver, and wouldn’t have been promoted to F1 and then Red Bull if he weren’t. He has pulled off some of the most exciting overtakes I’ve seen in a while since he landed the seat, braking late enough to make Daniel Riciardo jealous. But he is being majorly let down by his qualifying performance. In Russia for example he could only manage 10th (before a penalty dropped him to 15th), 1.1secs off his teammate in 2nd. Max is beating him 11-0 in the qualifying battle, and whilst Alex did manage to line up alongside him at Mugello and convert that into his first podium, when Max has finished a Grand Prix it has always been above his teammate. Plenty of people have said this isn’t a fair battle, that the team and car is built around Max, and that anyone going up against him will never have a fair chance. Of course the team is going to invest in Max – they would be stupid not to. He has a long-term contract with them and increasingly looks like the only alternate World Champion to Lewis Hamilton whilst the Brit remains in the sport. It doesn’t mater how good the second driver is, top teams have to choose a number one driver and get behind them if they want to have any chance of winning – just look at the mess Ferrari got themselves into last year with Leclerc and Vettel. But the accusations that Red Bull are sabotaging Alex are completely laughable. His success in the car means financial gains for the team, and it would be extremely beneficial for them and Max if Alex was closer to him, allowing for split strategies to attack the Mercedes. We’ve seen plenty of instances where a driver has entered a team built around one personality and managed to succeed: obviously the circumstances are all different but Ricciardo and Vettel, and Hill and Prost come to mind for me.

I think a major factor in this that has been overlooked a little though is the quality of the car, which due to the disappearance of Ferrari from the top has been more difficult to discern this year. Just because the team are second in the constructors championship by quite a way does not mean they have the second best car by quite a way. Even in Max’s hands, the RB16 looks a handful on the track, often more so than the Mclaren or pink Mercedes/Racing Point. Although impossible to tell for sure, I think the gap between the Red Bull drivers is exacerbated by the fact that Max is outperforming the car to quite a degree, whilst Alex is sadly underperforming. The pace of a team’s fastest driver isn’t always a direct indication of the pace of the car (Ferrari are experiencing something similar with their two drivers). The position of P3 that Max so often manages to slot himself into isn’t representative of the strength of the car, but neither is P8 (Albon’s average qualifying position this season). If Alex could consistently qualify and finish around the p4, p5, p6 mark (as he did after joining Red Bull mid way through last season), and on occasion stick together with Max throughout the race, then I think he and Red Bull could be proud of the results. There’s also rookie errors and clashes with other drivers from misjudged moves that end up landing Albon with a time penalty, damaged car, or both. His incident with Daniil Kvyat at the Nurburgring for example was completely avoidable, and reminiscent of the kind of incidents Max was causing in 2017 and 2018 (his clash with Vettel in China comes to mind). But whilst Max was making reckless manoeuvres, he was also getting results for the team, and Albon isn’t.

I don’t think there’s any chance at this point in the season of Red Bull swapping him out a la Gasly or Kvyat, but if things don’t improve his seat for next year is very much at risk. If they do decide to replace him though, who do they choose? For so long Red Bull were at the front of the pack when it came to their driver development programme, reflected in the fact that nearly half (7/16) of the podium sitters on the current grid are from the Red Bull Junior Team. But their talent pool seems to have dried up recently. The shuffling around of drivers between Alpha Tauri and themselves has left them in quite an awkward position, where the sister team they should be able to pick up-and-coming talent from consists of two demoted Red Bull drivers. Moving one of them back up to the number one team would be something of an admission that they fucked up their driver choices. I can’t see Gasly having any more success than Albon is having now, or he had during his first stint at Red Bull, if he makes the move back up (despite his strong form so far this season) and Kvyat definitely hasn't proved himself deserving of a promotion. Out of the nine Red Bull juniors, Yuki Tsunoda is the only driver with a realistic chance of gaining enough super licence points to move to F1 next season (I believe he needs to maintain his P3 in the F2 drivers standings for this), but he would only ever begin at Alfa Tauri. If they want to fill a seat at Red Bull with a new driver, they'll have to look to someone older and more experienced, creating a sort of Mark Webber Sebastian Vettel dynamic. Nico Hulkenberg and Sergio Perez’s names have been thrown around a lot, but a departure from their home grown talent again shows a weakness and a failure in how the entire Red Bull outfit is being managed.

The troubles don’t stop there though. Whilst certainly better than during the 2017 and 2018 seasons, the RB16 is suffering far more reliability issues than its immediate predecessor. In last year’s 21 races, the Red Bull cars only suffered one reliability-based retirement (Gasly in Baku). In the 11 races so far this year they have had four, five if you consider Verstappen’s PU issue in Mugello that dropped him into his crash and would have ended his race anyway. Add to that Honda’s announcement that they will no longer be working with Red Bull after 2021(more on this another time), and the Austrian team’s situation is not looking at all rosy. For the sake of F1 fans everywhere eager for a close fight for the title, I hope Christian Horner and Helmut Marko sort it out.

What do you think about the situation at Red Bull? What do they need to do to challenge Mercedes? Let me know!

#f1 #formula1 #formula one #red bull #max verstappen #alex albon #christian horner #helmut marko #lewis hamilton #mercedes #sebastian vettel #charles leclerc #ferrari #nico hulkenberg #sergio perez #yuki tsunoda #motorsport

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basilflowers · 4 years

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Basil’s Guide to being a good Beta Reader.

A Beta Reader is someone who reads an Author’s, usually unpublished, fan-fiction, or work of writing.

In the Harry Potter fandom community, these are usually unpaid fans. Not every Writer is a Beta Reader and not every Beta Reader is a Writer. There are many different ways to Beta Read and it is about finding what works for you and your Author.

To me, Beta Reading is about working with your Author to help them feel as though their work is the best it can be.

Just as there are different types of writers, there are different types of Beta Readers.

If you’re interested in becoming a Beta Reader then here are some things that may help you along the way:

Don’t Beta read ‘just for fun.’

You’re allowed to say no.

Communication is so important!

Be Open and Honest.

Ask what the Author is looking for before you start reading.

Suggest. Don’t Edit.

Never edit someone’s writing. That seems counter-intuitive, but what I mean is don’t write over what they have written. It is rude and a sure-fire way to make enemies.

If you think something major should be changed, explain why.

I like to do this with almost all my edits, to be honest. If I want to change the structure of a sentence, I explain: 'I think this makes it more readable', or 'I think this lends itself to the flow', or 'I think this allows for more descriptive language'.

From the Author’s perspective, it can be hard to see why you’re suggesting changes. If there is a plot hole then explaining where or why it doesn’t work is incredibly helpful!

The authors are under no obligation to accept any of your suggestions.

Try not to change the tone of a piece of writing.

If an author asks you to leave, then do not argue. Just leave.

Talk to the Author about crediting you.

%%%

I hope this was helpful to at least someone out there. While things change in every situation, the most important thing is being able to communicate, whether you’re a Beta or Author (or both).

Special thanks to Streitkertoffel for helping me out Beta’ing my Beta Guide :P % Basil Flowers %

#fandom #beta reader #writing #harry potter #basil guide #snarry

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cursebreaker-lilith · 4 years

Photo

I only posted her original profile in September, but I’ve changed some stuff and wanted to do a new drawing. Lili was pretty new to me then, and I’ve found her voice a lot more since so it only felt right to have a do over on her profile.

This is all up to the beginning of year 6.

EDIT: Some formatting changes made 5-12-21

BASICS

Name: Lilith Silvia Vesta Brooks

Nicknames: Lili, Pipsqueak, Pip

Name Meaning: Lilith references a figure from Jewish folklore, Silvia comes from her grandmother’s name and references a figure from Roman mythology, Vesta was also chosen by her grandmother and references the Roman goddess of the hearth.

Gender: Cis Female

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 16 (Variable depending on what year I’m writing about)

Birthday: October 19th, 1972

Zodiac: Libra

Blood Status: Half-blood

Ethnicity/Nationality: White Brit

Sexuality: Self identifies primarily with queer but is okay with being called bisexual. Is also probably on both the asexual and aromantic spectrum, but the words for them hadn’t been coined in her time period.

Appearance

Body:

Height: 165cm / 5′5

Build: Average to stocky, hourglass shape

Eyes: A bright yellow-green, noticeably a bit big and round.

Hair: Pale blonde hair that is very thin and fine. She likes doing it up in different ways, from ponytails, to pigtails, to braids. Right before starting her 6th year, she cut her hair short and permed it on an impulse encouraged by her Muggle friends.

Skin: Pale skin that burns easily but quickly fades into a tan

Misc: Small and usually unnoticeable scars scattered across her hands and face from ice in the Ice Vault that will fade wholly with time (most already have by 6th year). Pierced ears--one in each lobe as a teenager but adds more as an adult.

Material Items:

Clothing: As a young child, she tried to keep up with mainstream Muggle fashion. She preferred lots of bright colors, stripes, gaudy jewelry, and scrunchies. Dear lord she loves scrunchies. As she got older however, she began to phase out of the bright colors and mainstream fashion into something which would soon be called grunge. Not completely grunge however as she still loves her statement earrings and scrunchies. Usually wears baggy/non form fitting clothing.

Accessories: Almost always wearing some sort of dangly and obnoxious statement earrings. Always has at least three scrunchies on her person.

In her school bag: Her wand, at least five scrunchies, school books and papers, books Rowan wants her to read, an old crochet penguin for good luck (her first attempt at crochet animals), crochet hooks and yarn, journal and papers related to Cursed Vault plans, at least three cool looking rocks she found on the ground.

Reference:

Face Claim: N/A

Voice Claim: N/A

Personality

Traits:

+ loyal, friendly, extroverted, responsible, mature, kind, adaptable, quick learner, resourceful, hopeful, courageous

+/— determined, good liar, intense, clever, intelligent, independent

— obsessive, untrusting, secretive, forceful, quick temper, angry, abrasive, single minded, rule breaker, rude, spiteful

Description:

Lili has a lot of pent up anger and a quick temper. She’s angry at her family, at authority, at the world. She’s not good at processing this anger and thus tends to lash out at people very often and often very cruelly and violently. She knows this and tries to keep in check but isn’t very good at doing so even as she ages. Because of her anger, she also tends to keep grudges for quite a while, even for stupid or petty reasons and is slow to admit she’s wrong.

In a better world, she would be known for her friendliness. Lili can be very friendly and relaxed. She talks first and makes a judgement second, trying to be as open minded as possible. She’s very casual yet polite and likes people being the same back to her.

Lili is determined in a way that tends towards the negative. Her laser focus on things tend to quickly become obsessions if someone she trusts doesn’t intervene quickly enough.

After her mother stopped being a parent towards her at a young age, Lili learned to take care of herself quickly. She’s become clever and resourceful in her steps to becoming independent. It’s left her mature and responsible for her age, but also untrusting and secretive, convinced she can do it on her own (or with Rowan only).

Lili is very loyal to those that earn her loyalty. For those she cares about, she would do anything. If you do something to lose that loyalty, expect harsh treatment after if Lili even deigns to speak to you. She’s not afraid of cutting people out of her life if they betray or anger her.

Other:

Likes: crafts (crochet, knitting, sewing), Rowan and Barnaby, scrunchies, dangly earrings, being busy, collecting things, fashion

Dislikes: Merula and Ismelda, Rakepick, Snape, most other Slytherins, people who get in her way, Dumbledore, Doctor Who after the 5th Doctor, not getting enough sleep, flying class

MBTI: ESTP

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Hogwarts

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

OWL Classes:

Astronomy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Flying: 2/10 (A)

Herbology: 3/10 (A)

History of Magic: 2/10 (A)

Potions: 4/10 (A)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

OWL Electives:

Ancient Runes: 9/10 (O)

Arithmancy: 6/10 (O)

Care of Magical Creatures: 6/10 (O)

NEWT Classes:

Ancient Runes: 9/10 (O)

Arithmancy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

Extracurriculars:

Clubs: Dueling Club (3rd-4th year), Fencing Club (2nd-5th year), Transfiguration Club (occasionally from 2nd year on)

Quidditch: N/A

Prefect or Head Boy/Girl: N/A

Best Classes:

Charms It’s the one class she’s very naturally talented at. She never needs to study much, but she barely has to try with Charms. Someday she’ll beat Ben and be the best in their year at the class.

Defense Against the Dark Arts She’s not good at this because of any professor, she’s good at this because of her excursions into the Cursed Vaults giving her practical knowledge.

Worst Classes:

Flying Listen, if people were meant to fly, then they’d have wings, or a spell letting people properly fly would be created by now. Lili will be staying on the ground, thank you very much.

Herbology She’s lived in the city her whole life and being around so many plants is strange. She doesn’t hate the class, but she does use it to catch up with her friends rather than study.

Potions She doesn’t have the patience for potions, and that’s even when she doesn’t have Snape refusing to acknowledge her existence.

Favorite Professors:

Flitwick She thinks Flitwick is great. There’s not much more to say. He’s responsible but not smothering, and still thinks well of her brother. If she ever had to pick an adult to trust, it would be Flitwick.

Kettleburn She had taken Care of Magical Creatures because Rowan had wanted a third elective and Lili didn’t want to take Muggle Studies or Divination. However, she ended up loving the class and thinks Kettleburn is hilarious. She honestly wished she could take the class NEWT level, but her schedule was already full.

Least Favorite Professors:

Snape She has a very complicated relationship with Snape. He hates her because of her brother (who he did not get along with), because she reminds him of James Potter, and because her nickname, Lili, reminds him of his lost love Lily Evans every time he hears it. Lili, of course, does not know any of this and thinks he just hates her for no reason. Jacob thought he was a Death Eater (he got that from whispers older kids who Jacob knew were definitely Death Eaters), so Lili uses that as justification to not like him.

Rakepick She never trusted her and barely liked her, even before she became a professor. Her opinion didn’t go improve any time in fifth year.

Magic

1st Wand: Blackthorn, unicorn hair, 11 3/4 in, shiny and slightly flexible

“Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation, in my view well-merited, of being best suited to a warrior. This does not necessarily mean that its owner practises the Dark Arts (although it is undeniable that those who do so will enjoy the blackthorn wand’s prodigious power); one finds blackthorn wands among the Aurors as well as among the denizens of Azkaban.”

2nd Wand: Aspen, phoenix feather, 12 in, fairly rigid

“In my experience, aspen wand owners are generally strong-minded and determined, more likely than most to be attracted by quests and new orders; this is a wand for revolutionaries.”

Special Abilities: Natural Legilimens, Occlumency

Boggart

Form: Jacob telling her she’s useless and unwanted and that everything she’s doing is for nothing.

Riddikulus: Has not found anything yet that works

Amortentia

What they smell: the Owlery, Standard Ingredient, and something else, something she can’t figure out

What they smell like to others: Lavender, hot chocolate, campfire smoke

Patronus

Form: A goshawk. Independent and intelligent hunters who focus intently on stalking their prey.

Memory: A childhood memory of going to a fair. Jacob looked after her the entire night, and it’s one of the last times she remembers seeing both of her parents laugh.

What they see in the Mirror of Erised: Herself with her family–Jacob is there and looks like how she remembers him, and her mother and father are holding hands and smiling. As she ages, her mother and father are phased out of the image and replaced by her friends, her new family.

FAMILY

Father: David Brooks

Muggle

b. 1943

Works at an accounting firm.

In theory, he was alright with magic and the wizarding world. In practice, it unnerved him more than he could say. When his children started doing accidental magic, and when Jacob came home from Hogwarts talking about nothing but spells and magic, that was it for David. He filed for divorce in 1980 and hasn’t spoken to his ex-wife or children since. He has since married to a fellow Muggle, treating her children as his own and speaking rarely of his biological children. He doesn’t even know Jacob disappeared.

Mother: Carina Flora Brooks (nee Braddock)

Pureblood

b. 1944

Ravenclaw

Works for a wizarding travel magazine as a photographer, travels around the world frequently

She was perhaps not meant to be a mother, and would have been happier following in her brother’s shoes of travelling the world with no responsibilities. However, her mother was insisting she marry and Carina, in a fit of rebellion, decided to marry a nice Muggle she knew instead of the purebloods her mother had picked out.

Carina was never very good with either of her children, and in particular could never get along with Jacob, resorting to abuse (emotional and physical) to try to get him to behave how she wanted. Despite this, she totally shut down when Jacob disappeared, feeling like a failure. This led to her severely neglecting her daughter to wallow in her own misery day and night. It also led to an irrational hatred of Hogwarts. She refuses to read any letters sent by them and has made several subtle attempts to make Lili miss the Hogwarts Express.

Brother: Jacob Seraphinus Ulysses Brooks

Half-blood

b. March 8th, 1967

Slytherin

Currently missing.

Never able to make friends easily or keep his mouth shut, Jacob always had a hard time fitting in, so he turned to books. He preferred fiction over nonfiction, but one history book’s mention of Cursed Vaults on Hogwarts’ grounds led to a search that would dominate his, and his sister’s, life.

He was an outcast in his house and Hogwarts, besides for a few acquaintances, and instead focused on reaching his goals. He was reckless and brave (the Sorting Hat considered putting him in Gryffindor), but obsessive, secretive, and increasingly dependent on the idea of “the end justifies the means.”

Grandfather: Ambrose Braddock

Pureblood

b. 1903

Ravenclaw

Deceased

Known for being Britain’s first natural Legilimens in a century. The Braddock family is known for being a line of natural Legilimens, but none in the family had had the ability in five generations before Ambrose was born. This ended up leading to an offer of marriage from the Malfoy family who wanted the connection to this rare ability. Later realized his grandson was also a natural Legilimens, but died before he could teach Jacob more than the basics on how to control it and never realized his granddaughter also had the ability.

Died of sickness in 1975 at age 72

Grandmother: Silvia Braddock (nee Malfoy)

Pureblood

b. 1911

Slytherin

Never worked, has always been a housewife

Your typical upper class, conservative grandmother. She may not believe that strongly in pureblood mania anymore, but she still believes in things like “children should be seen, not heard,” and corporal punishment. Was in an arranged marriage to Ambrose and never really grew to love him feeling she was marrying beneath her Malfoy heritage. Fairly reclusive nowadays, only entertaining old friends for brunch and going to the occasional pureblood party.

Uncle: Victor Felinus Braddock

Pureblood wizard

b. 1940

Gryffindor

Has a different job every few months, deosn’t really needs to have one and his work ethic shows that

Considered a fun uncle by his nephew, and an annoyance by his niece. Has a lot of stories, and a slight drinking problem. While his mother was annoyed at him for having a dalliance with a Muggle-born, she was even more furious that he refused to marry Suzie. Victor didn’t want to be tied down, and left her to raise their two daughters only appearing in their lives every few years.

Cousins: Donna and Caroline Jones

Half-bloods

b. 1960 and 1975

Both Gryffindor

Welsh

Their mother Susan Jones was a Muggle-born Sorted into Gryffindor in the same year as Victor Braddock. The two have had an on again, off again relationship since their Hogwarts years that has resulted in two daughters.

Donna was sorted into Gryffindor in 1971 (meaning she would have been roommates with Lily Evans which is a coincidence I swear) and it’s easy to see why. She’s confident, brash, and blunt. She has many problems with her father and refuses to interact with that side of the family. Works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for the Ministry.

Caroline is the opposite of her much older sister and was surprised to find herself in Gryffindor (Sorted there in Lili’s 3rd year). She’s timid and quiet, but with a backbone hidden underneath. She wilts at any negative tones, but is always ready to extend a hand to anyone who has hurt her, even multiple times.

Step family: Sabina Brooks, Ioan and Luca Ciobanu

Muggles

b. 1949, 1975, and 1980

Immigrants from Romania to England

After divorcing Carina, David began dating Sabina shortly after and later married her, acting as a father to her two young children. The four of them live together in London.

Pets:

Alfred An easily frightened black cat that once belonged to Jacob

Doctor Hoot A large barred owl that frequently forgets it’s an owl and not a lapdog

FRIENDS

Best Friends:

Rowan Khanna Her best friend!! She originally befriended Rowan because Rowan reminded her of her muggle friend, but it soon blossomed into a different, much closer relationship. Whenever Rowan is gone, Lili doesn’t really know what to do (”I’m going to cut all the sleeves off my robes.” “Why??” “Rowan left an hour ago and she’s like 85% of my impulse control.”) and Lili would never have made it through any of the Cursed Vaults without her. She probably also would have gotten expelled for brawling and dueling in like second year without Rowan. I’m not joking about that impulse control thing.

Barnaby Lee Lili didn’t like Barnaby at first. Even before he worked for Merula, she thought he was nothing more than a stupid jock and made fun of how Snape would pick on him in Potions. Then she actually talked to him and did a complete 180. “I’ve only known Barnaby for an hour, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and them myself.” She liked how sweet and genuine he was despite his awful upbringing. He’s always there to support her, and she’s really grown to love him for that. He once thought he had a crush on her, but it wasn’t really romantic (”The feeling was friendship but he had never experienced it before.”).

Good Friends:

Bill Weasley He’s like the big brother Jacob should’ve been. She was not thrilled to have a complete stranger helping with the Vaults, but in hindsight she’s so very glad she listened to Rowan. Lili isn’t sure she could have gotten half of what she’s done done without Bill’s help and steadfastness.

Charlie Weasley Their friendship kind of crept up on Lili. Charlie was closer friends with Ben and Barnaby, so while Lili had a passing familiarity with him before the Forest Vault, she wouldn’t have called them friends. She was surprised when she turned out to really enjoy his company when he started helping with the Cursed Vaults.

Chiara Lobosca Chiara was someone Lili tangentially knew due to people confusing them for each other (the hair color; once Chiara hits a growth spurt and Lili doesn’t people stop). Then Lili is forced to partner with Chiara in Herbology in 3rd year, and besides seeing her Herbology grade go up the slightest bit, she finds a friend in Chiara, appreciating the girl’s seemingly infinite kindness.

Friends:

Nymphadora Tonks They get along in classes, but Lili doesn’t trust Tonks with anything serious.

Liz Tuttle The two have many overlapping friends but don’t really hang out with each other.

Badeea Ali She really respects Badeea, but they just don’t have many reasons to be around each other.

Jae Kim Lili thinks he’s hilarious and very smart, but doesn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.

It’s Complicated:

Ben Copper Probably the most complicated relationship here. She befriended him out of pity and continued their friendship because of his skill at Charms. He’s had a crush on her since they were 11 when she stood up for him which no one had ever done before. Then the Red Robed Wizard Reveal tm happened and Lili dropped him and ignored him, though he tried to make it up to her. 6th year only drives a deeper wedge between them as Lili can’t stand his recent behaviour. Ben finally confessing about his love for Lili in 6th year didn’t help mend anything either.

Tulip Karasu After finding out that Tulip had purposefully not told her about Jacob’s room, Lili instantly decided she was an undesirable but necessary ally. Lili does not like Tulip for most of their time at Hogwarts as she’s really pissed that someone would keep her brother’s things from her. Lili will talk to her about the Cursed Vaults, but they do not hang out and Lili does not consider her a friend. This really, really hurts Tulip’s feelings but Lili doesn’t really care. The relationship does get a bit better in 6th year, but it’s never going to be a close one. In a better world without the Vaults, they’d probably get along smashingly as while Lili isn’t a prankster, she has no problem egging them on.

Love Interests:

Penny Haywood Her first, longest, and most confusing crush. She was wary of Penny at first. Popular girls were rarely that 100% nice, but Penny truly was. She also had a nice smile and pretty hair and soft hands…. It took Lili quite a while (like four years and Bill telling her) to figure out it was a crush and then….she did absolutely nothing. She panicked and stopped talking to Penny for a while before sheepishly apologizing when Penny confronted her. They went to the Celestial Ball together, but “as friends.” That did not stop them from having a Moment that Lili interpreted completely wrongly and she assumed Penny didn’t like her romantically. Penny in fact did, and since Lili never reacted to their Moment in the proper way, Penny assumed that Lili wasn’t interested. The two continued having crushes on each other for the rest of their time at Hogwarts and remained close friends after they both graduated.

Talbott Winger Her second, less confusing, crush. Similar to Barnaby, Lili didn’t think much of Talbott at first. He was that one kid who was talented at Transfiguration and she once saw him chatting casually to an owl in the Owlery. He was weird and she ignored him. Then she was paired with him on a class assignment in 3rd year and a friendship bloomed despite Talbott’s protests. It was a casual thing at first, but then Lili helped Talbott find his mom’s necklace, and their talk under the stars about family and the past and future deepened their friendship. Having already figured out she had a crush on Penny by this time, she managed to get the signs that she now also had a crush on Talbott, which made her panic, again. However, since Talbott is even worse with emotions than her, she didn’t do anything drastic like she did with Penny. They went on one date in 6th year but that was going too fast for Talbott and they decided to stay friends until Talbott felt more comfortable being around people. Lili took this….mostly gracefully.

Diego Caplan The two met in the Dueling Club in 4th year. Diego was impressed with Lili’s skill and tried to befriend her and also maybe flirt with her a bit. Lili, who tends to gravitate towards people who are unashamedly themselves, found his over the top flirting hilarious and was instantly endeared to Diego. She really enjoyed being around him, finding his lightheartedness helped her forget some of her troubles with the Cursed Vaults, especially in 5th year. He asked her out on a date, her first one, and she agreed. She enjoyed the date, but 5th year was the peak of her obsession with the Cursed Vaults so she broke it off. They later dated again during 6th year, after Lili’s one date with Talbott.

Dormmates:

Rowan Khanna see above

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. Their entire relationship can be explained with that one text post that’s like “Bitch.” “Blocked.” “Wait unblock me I need to tell you something.” “Unblocked.” “Bitch.”

Vidalia Barrows An OC. Lili has said like two sentences to Vidalia and she plans to keep it that way. Vidalia just eats and sleeps and does whatever Desdemona says to do.

Doesn’t Interact:

Murphy McNully/Skye Parkin/Orion Amari/Erika Rath She’s not involved in Quidditch.

Andre Egwu I just can’t think of a way to work him into the plot lol They would get along somewhat well otherwise.

Enemies:

Merula Snyde Hated each other’s guts for a while. Then Lili gave up her Frog Choir spot and Merula gained a small crush (even if Lili was a total ass about giving it up). While they’ll never be friends, by the time of 5th and 6th year they’ve become reluctant allies similar to Lili and Tulip above. Lili will probably never totally befriend her, but she’s learned to be civil and that’s progress.

Ismelda Murk Lili doesn’t really like Ismelda but she considers her all bark and no bite. Ismelda hates Lili because she thinks Lili and Barnaby are gonna end up dating and is jealous.

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. See above.

Most of Slytherin House Lili has never been shy about being half Muggle and being proud of it, and in a house that still worships Voldemort, that sets her apart. The few that don’t find her being pro-Muggle distasteful don’t want to be exiles in their own dorms and avoid talking to her.

Story

Childhood:

Lili’s childhood was never that great. Her parents fought frequently over her and Jacob’s use of accidental magic, and this eventually caused them to divorce when Lili was 9. Her mother in particular was emotionally and physically abusive but Jacob spared her from the worst of it.

Jacob was always the best part of her childhood. She loved her parents, but Jacob was the person she always looked forward to seeing. When he went to Hogwarts, she was upset for weeks, and when he went missing, she was devastated (especially as he went missing the night of her birthday).

Her mother didn’t take it well. Carina was not particularly close with Jacob, but this obviously big failure of her as a parent hit her hard. She became very emotionally withdrawn from Lili and threw herself into her photography work, leaving the country, and Lili, for weeks at a time.

Lili had to become very independent very quickly after that. That, plus the fact that she didn’t have any non-Muggle friends meant she trusted very few people and lied often. Getting her Hogwarts letter was a relief and a promise of freedom

Hogwarts:

: )

see here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1467043

Adulthood:

Lili is very distraught after graduation and leaves everyone she knows behind to travel Europe and find herself. She spends several years doing this, helping people and doing odd jobs.

Eventually, she finds that she has a talent for languages, picking up a few easily in her travels, and starts to consider possibly doing something related to language whenever she goes back to Britain.

Miscellaneous

She fuckin loves scrunchies.

Has lived in a Muggle neighbourhood her whole life.

Likes muggle TV. Grew up watching Doctor Who. Not impressed with the 6th Doctor, and glad she was away at Hogwarts during his run. Favorite Doctor is the 4th and she knit herself her own version of his scarf.

Likes collecting things! She loves cool rocks on the sidewalk, tacky tourist souvenirs, and things you find for $1 in a thrift store.

She can knit, crochet and sew. She likes making little crochet animals and giving them to friends (or just keeping them and having a plushy empire around her bed).

Loves having her photo taken and has a whole collection of photos, but hates taking photos. It reminds her of her mother.

One of her Muggle friends got her into fencing. She thought it would be useful to hone her athletic skills with, so she continued doing it when she went back to Hogwarts in the fall.

The type of person who needs to be doing something 24/7. When she doesn’t have anything to focus on, she tends to be all over the place and rather annoying.

Quieter and more complacent as a kid. it was after her family broke apart that the need to be so driven started to become a part of her personality.

Love Like You from Steven Universe is a song for her and Jacob (from Jacob’s POV)

Chameleon by Michela is a song that fits her

Tropes:

Big Brother Worship

Determinator

Family Eye Resemblance

Good is Not Nice

Hair Trigger Temper

Jerk with a Heart of Gold

Parental Neglect

#hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #jacob's sibling #jacobs sibling #lili brooks #art be mine #this is super long lol #pls enjoy #texttexttext post

46 notes · View notes

thenixkat · 3 years

Text

Voltron notes 1 (edited?)

Ep 1

No spoiler opening theme

Those are some skinny ass space suits. Shouldn’t they have like tethers and shit to keep them from accidently floating off?

Harvesting ice cores on Pluto or Kerberos or whatever

They wanna meet aliens

No one notices the ship until its right on top of them. Shiro just assumes its a hostile ship

Bullshit and lazy. Fuckin aliens speaking and understanding English

Also Shiro looks so much better with the darker skin. Like, bring back this look.

This ship is very green and that’s unusual compared to later lighting schemes

Lance is a dick to his friend

Also, you’d think an air and space program would weed out the folks with motion sickness

Lance is overestimating the abilities of himself, the crew, and the ship

Welp, Hunk fucked up the electronics with the barf. Pidge fell from not using her seatbelt.

Mutanious comments.

Lance got the team killed

Iverson called them jackasses

I know I shouldn’t be mentioning stuff that hasent happened yet but like? How the fuck does Iverson not recognise Pidge? She looks just like her brother but tiny and that didn’t raise any alarms? She didn’t even dye her hair or anything? Also is her mom ok with this? Is she skipping out on her classes that she should be having as Katie?

Vomit is not an approved lubricant. Heh

One of those chicks has green hair

Military exploration school

Pidge doesn’t know how to keep her mouth shut

Lance is a fuckin bro

Why is Iverson chewin out Lance for something Pidge said?

Poor Lance

Lights out by five? And it's already getting dark?

Ok but Lance and Hunk in civilian clothes makes them stand out so much while they’re trying to sneak around. WHy not carry backpacks with their regular clothes in them while they wear the uniforms until they find a safe place to change.

Lance is that friend who gets everyone into trouble

Have I mentioned that I hate fat jokes?

Also these kids are shit at sneaking. They didn’t even wait a minute to make sure the patrol dude couldn’t just turn his head and see them. They also made a shit ton of noise.

Pidge is bad at sneaking too, didn’t make sure she wasn’t followed and didn’t keep an eye out for anyone who might spot her on the roof.

Hunk is scared of heights

Pidge is bad at lying

Hunk is nosey af

Lance is trying to be a good team leader

Pidge is trying to uncover a government conspiracy and picked up alien radio chatter.

If a teenager with little funds and homemade equipment can pick up alien radio chatter than the people who listen to the stars for a living sure as shit picked this shit up.

Lance doesn’t believe in aliens.

Hunk is scared of aliens

School is on lock down

Holy crow. Lance is a potty mouth

Hunk didn’t believe in aliens either

Pidge and Lance jump at the chance to go check out a crashed alien ship. Hunk doesn’t like this.

How the fuck did Pidge remotely hack a camera feed?

Ok but like it makes total sense for them to quarantine Shiro. He might have space pox.

Also Shiro’s skintone changes between 2 dif frames

Hunk neither knows nor cares who Shiro is. And is trying to be the voice of reason

I’m taking that as a fat joke. So fuck you show.

Where’d Keith get the hover car?

Where does Keith get all the explosives? Does he make them?

Lance spotted his eternal rival and doesn’t want to be beat in rescuing the hero. Hunk knows who Keith is

Pidge doesn’t know who Keith is

Why’d they choose that ugly ass tone for Shiro there? He looks kinda grey

Lance was not important enough for Keith to remember him

They’re making Keith take them along for the ride. Also that is not a vehicle designed to carry so many people.

Keith’s got snark.

Pidge yer not doing anything else the least you can do is be useful and keep Shiro from falling off the bike.

Hunk can identify every teacher chasing them

Keith is having fun driving while everyone else screams in terror

So Shiro’s just wearing Keith’s dad’s clothes

Convenient amnesia

Also Shiro’s got a generic ass masculine face

Keith can sense energy

So, those markings and paintings had to have been made by some Native Americans. Which group? What’s the timeframe? Those paintings are showing Blue do stuff so how long was her pilot still around and kicking for? Did she have other pilots before going into lockdown and just chose to stay on Earth? How’d she get to Earth in the first place if fish dude probably died in battle with Galra forces?

Lance hesitates b4 shaking the mystery alien cyborg hand

Hunk is nervous that there might be an alien invasion soon.

Hunk is nosey as hell and a bit of a dick

If I point out everything that is or probably is a fat joke I’ll be here forever

Hunk is smart as hell

Matching a wavelength of an element to a terrain carved by erosion? What? That’s not how anything works

Wait, if Keith has pics of the murals why didn’t they start looking there?

Yeah no those kids are hurt, possibly dead from that fall

The Voltron

The eyes have no pupils and the head isn’t moving, how can you tell the eyes are following you?

So did all of the lions pick these kids and college student from seeing them through Blue’s perspective? How does the lion choosing thing work?

Hunk states the obvious

How is Lance supposed to read the screen when the text is constantly changing. That’s not how computer.

Lance takes Blue on a joy ride and even Keith is not having fun

Also Blue is just fucking up the poor desert

Hunk is a little bitch who thinks giving people what they want will stop them

Holy crow. Hunk has a potty mouth.

So there’s just like a Galra ship right at Earth. The Galra know where Earth is and probably invade it. We just gonna forget about that? Like yes that ship is chasing the lion but nothing is stopping more galra going to Earth.

Shiro is the senior officer so Lance defers to him

So the lions can open wormholes on their own.

Hunk vomits inside Blue

Lance why?

How did none of them notice the castle. Like that is a massive ass castle

They just didn’t check to see if the air was human breathable

Pidge, why the fuck would the steps be bigger if the control seat of the lion was human sized?

Alien tech speaks english

Why do they reuse Cree’s voice for so much

Why do aliens from 10000 yrs ago fucking speak english

Also fucking elves

Also fucking Europeans

Rude. Allura’s first response to meeting an alien is insulting his species looks

Quiznak. Coran has a potty mouth

Also how the fuck do you know anything about this alien’s biology? Why the fuck would a sleeper hold fucking work?

SO why didn’t Alfor use the ‘strongest weapon in the universe’ to fight Zarkon? What, did Black not want any other paladin than Zarkon?

Alfor lies to children.

So how did they send away the other 4 lions? Alfor probably got caught and killed but like from that flashback ep the other three og paladins weren’t in their armor nor shown near the lions or anything. Did the lions hide themselves? Did they have other paladins that piloted them away?

King of the Galra? Bitch he was an emperor well before his fall you should know this.

Convenient amnesia.

How long is the average Galra lifespan?

Could Haggar not? Sense the Blue lion on Earth? How?

Also Haggar really went and got herself a whole ass monster husband

Zarkon calls in the squad. Sends Sendak to fuck shit up

Lance is not good with numbers

Sigh

How do yall even know the food in the castle is safe for humans?

Coran how the fuck u know yall the last Alteans left? Did ya fuckin look?

How the fuck did some nasty ass mice get into the fucking cryopod? How did they survive in a cryopod calibrated for an altean? Why are the mice necessary to the story?

How do the alteans recognize a galra battleship after 10000 yrs?

Lance starts a fight with Keith for no reason. Shiro breaks up the fight.

Did I mention that I hate body functions humor?

Why and how did Alfor connect the lions to Allura’s life force?

Coran just straight up called Pidge a slightly less stupid than average primitive. Racist as fuck.

Lion’s choose their paladin so Allura just fucking assigns lions to aliens she’s known for less than an hour.

How does she know anything about these aliens? Its been less than 5 mins since she met them.

How the fuck does Allura know here all the lions are but the red one?

How do we know Voltron is the most powerful in the universe? They ain’t seen the entire universe

How do the Alteans know how long an earth hour is?

So an altean brought Green to this planet?

What the fuck kinda dumb ass rabbits come out of hiding when they know strange creatures are near?

To be fair, peaceful might mean something else in Altean. They are fucking space Brits

Hunk asks good questions when he’s not stating the obvious

Also that is a barren ass planet. But it was formerly inhabited.

Hunk rewires alien machinery while under heavy fire

Why does it take so long for yellow’s murals to start glowing? Was Yellow thinking about whether or not she wanted Hunk as her Paladin? Yellow really said if you want me you gotta put in effort.

The Galra were this close to getting Yellow too.

Pidge asks questions.

Who built that pyramid for Green and why did they let it get overgrown?

Pidge somehow didn’t break a leg from that jump

So I’m gonna assume that Blue told Yellow what was up

How well can Yellow move through rock?

Green really wanted Pidge. Like she was lighting shit up immediately.

So Blue actually got pretty damaged from regular ship fire and hiding the ground wrong

Hunk would apparently have let Lance die

Pidge and Shiro are some lyin ass bitches

Lord of the Known Universe. Most of the Galra empire is empty space

It took 600 yrs between a grandfather and grandson altean?

Lance and Hunk vote run

Pidge votes stay and fight

Um. Why would the Galra fuck up Arus when yall are the top priority? Like, sure they can come back for it but the lions are a bigger deal and thus they would chase yall over take Arus

Hunk is making very good points

Also Keith, while Sendak could destroy Arus and then come after yall. It’d be a waste of time and resources.

Keith votes stay and fight

Shiro chooses not to vote

Alfor’s hologram admits he fucked up with sending the lions away

Allura votes stay and fight and I guess Coran isn’t voting like Shiro

Fuck you show. Why did we need eighteen thousand fuckin fat jokes?

Coran is an asshole

Ok but like that doesn’t look like a good chest plate? Like it looks like if they bent over they’d get poked/stabbed by it? And what’s up with the high sides of the belts?

What the fuck Pidge?! That coulda killed Lance or taken him out for a good while?

Wait, if the ship has a thing that can like just fucking make suits? Why can't they just make more bayards? Why wouldn’t Alfor design something to make more bayards?

Why doesn’t the galra ship have rear view cameras?

Wait! How the fuck do you cut a hole in a space ship and that not fuck with pressurization or set off any safety allarms?! The fuck kinda bullshit is that?

Sendak? Why do you expect aliens to know what that beam was for if you didn’t tell them?

~False surrender is a fucking war crime b/c it removed the option of surrendering for real if the need arrives so it leads to more fucking people dying~

No they didn’t Shiro. Battleships are things that get mass produced. If this is the exact same ship u got put in after the green one then that is bullshit on a cosmic scale.

Shiro is ok with letting prisoners die. Pidge is not, granted it's probably b/c she thinks her family might be on there.

Poor Mrs. Holt. She just got fuckin forgotten by everyone.

So Pidge has an outburst and fucking disobeys the mission leader. Shiro decides to help her just b/c he might know one or two of the people he was willing to let die. And they leave Keith with no fucking backup.

Keith would have legit died if the guards remembered that they have fucking guns and can shoot him when he dropped his shield. Which means Keith would have died if not for plot bullshit b/c his teammates don’t particularly care about his health and safety. Pidge and Shiro care more about the male Holts than Keith and all of the other prisoners that might be on the ship.

Wow.

How does Keith not hold this against them?

No the mice were not necessary, not if either of these dunces whent and opened the control panel from the other side.

That sounds like bullshit.

Ya know I didn’t have any problems with Hunk the engineer being able to operate an alien elevator or drill by hotwiring shit. But I do call bullshit on Pidge reprogramming a sentry pod thing by changing the connection of one wire.

I still call bullshit on aliens speaking english and all atmospheres being 100% agreeable to humans. B/c that is bullshit

And why the fuck would the color of Rover’s lights fucking change?

… they only checked one fucking room for prisoners but that’s it I guess? The fuck

Why did the Red lion let the Galra take her? Did she consider that one of the galra on the ship might make a good paladin for her?

Keith gets caught b/c his dumb ass starts shouting on a stealth mission

Keith, they already have the lion. Yer the one trying to take it

Like I said previously the guards forget they have guns and thus Keith lives.

So… how did Keith impress the Red lion? He fought people, lost and blew out the airlock. Which is still a loss if the lion didn’t feel like saving him.

Vore

Guards continue to forget they have fucking guns for plot reasons.

Hunk and the gang leave without destroying the enemy ship or making sure that its irreparably damaged

Coran, Lance, and Hunk have foul mouths

And this is why you fucking confirm yer kill

Why isn’t there a combine button?

Heh, Yellow’s face after slamming Red. Also Red looks so offended about being rammed.

What the cheese

Hunk’s gone into panic mode and Keith has accepted death.

Shiro gives a speech and they form Voltron

Why are the bad guys giving them the time to form voltron?

Why doesn’t Voltron have a tail? Where does Black’s tail go? Voltron should have a tail.

Any other prisoners on that ship are dead as fuck

How did I watch this show the first time? It's not good. It’s pretty but it is not good.

#nix watches vld #voltron #notes #long post

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Over the centuries what do you think is the most "outrageous" haircut/hairstyle Magnus has had?

to be perfectly honest i dont know shit about hairstyles, much less about fashion over the years, so i dont know what his most outrageous hairstyle would be (esp because the perception of outrageous, daring, fashionable etc is literally just a measurement of adequacy to cultural context. can u tell that im overthinking this? anyway) but i think his most daring era was definitely pre/early Victorian times

also hey TW ahead for queerphobia, transphobia, and discussions of abuse, as well as "queer" being used as a slur. yup, i did it again, on this question about hair, i pulled up the absolutely most unnecessary angsty shit. good luck yall

anyway, i think it would be pre/early Victorian era for two reasons: 1- you couldn't do SHIT back then, so anything would be outrageous/daring, and Magnus already didn't comform and would never be accepted by their society anyway, so why bother?; 2- this was around the bridge incident, so magnus was hurting, and we know that the more magnus hurts the more over the top his front becomes

of course he was also hurting after, but i get the impression that after Camille he started to comform a bit more to gender and fashion expectations, even if temporarily. you look at him in that picture with her and ragnor, and he looks very era-appropriate, almost boring. you see him in the 20s, he has his hair short, gelled down, he's wearing a regular 20s-era suit. i get the impression that he started to become more daring again as the 21st century started, but before that, he looked very average in my non-expert opinion. and i have a lot of thoughts about that, too, about how Camille probably shamed him for the way he dressed. around the time they met was when fashion started to become even more constricting, too, and we all know my hcs that George was probably killed for being queer, and that's just a lot to take. plus abusive relationships dont really encourage self expression anyway, and it's canon that Camille picked at his insecurities and loneliness, so why wouldnt she use that against him? why not the fact that he was such a freaky little queer that no one would ever accept, much less as a man, when he already had that body and dressed like that? stop being childish and embarrassing me

anyway that was a long detour to say that i think the Camille and immediately post-camille years were his least daring because of all the trauma and abuse she put him through, which definitely tackled his gender presentation and identity (even if u don't hc him as trans) as well as queerness and just general noncoformity and ways of expression

pre-camille, on the other hand, had a sad, desperately looking for an outlet, and a little lost, Magnus, who needed a front of quirkyness and had magic at his disposal, so why not have a different hairstyle every fucking day? he can grow it back. everyone thinks wigs are the hot stuff they wont even notice. go crazy go stupid

so yeah i do think he'd be trying out something new every day, those big attention drawing haircuts that he could hide behind. scandalous. brits HATE him

and yeah thats all I've got fjdndjdndk sorry

#ask #anonymous #long post #camille's trash party #camille belcourt is an abuser #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #overflowing trashcan #lowkey meta? idk #meta

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pineapplesquid · 5 years

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Profs. Crowley and Fell have taught a lot of students over the years. A selection of the comments that they’ve inspired.

Also available on AO3. Plain text version under the cut.

Anthony Crowley

Overall Quality: 4.0

Would Take Again: 72%

Level of Difficulty: 3.9

Tags for this Professor

See how other students describe this professor

Tough Grader, Participation Matters, Group Work, Amazing Lectures, Skip Class? You Won’t Pass, Accessible Outside Class, Beware of Pop Quizzes, Respected

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Tough Grader, Skip Class? You Won’t Pass, Accessible Outside Class

Intro bio with Crowley isn’t easy, but it’s totally doable if you stay on top of the material. Show up to class, take really good notes from lectures, and do the practice problems that he gives you. Oh, and do the reading and post in the forum, he does check and give credit for it and it’s easy points. And go to his office hours and ask a lot of questions—he’s not warm and fuzzy, but he’ll help you out if you ask. The only reason I passed is because I started to go every week with questions. And he has a snake in there, sometimes! Which I guess some people might not like, but if you’re going to be a bio major you’d probably better get used to it ;)

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Tags: Amazing Lectures

BRING BACK THE CHILI PEPPER!!! crowley needs ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 4.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Tags: Beware of Pop Quizzes

He made us bring our phones to class so that we could answer questions and stuff during lectures. Which was fine, but be warned that he KNOWS if you’re doing something else on it and get distracted. One time he took a selfie of himself teaching and posted to some kid’s instagram because she was on it during class. Another time he sent a text message to someone’s mom. Lectures were interesting enough, exams were fine. He does like pop quizzes, though. Better than some of the other people who teach intro bio, it’s worth trying to get into his section even though it’s early.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Group Projects, Respected, Tough Grader

He’s not the kind to get really enthusiastic in class, but you can tell that he knows everything about plants and really loves them. I honestly didn’t think this class would be that interesting, but Dr. Crowley made it better than I expected. Used a lot of case studies in plant phys, so we got to see why stuff actually mattered.

Rating: Average

Overall Quality: 3.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags:

Nearly ran me over when I was walking back to my dorm. Fine for intro bio, though.

Rating: Poor

Overall Quality: 2.0

Level of Difficulty: 5.0

I don’t know why they let him teach intro bio, half the class was terrified of him. Need to find someone who doesn’t scare off students!

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Group Projects, Amazing Lectures

More excited about plants than anyone I’ve ever met! He really just loves them, and so you do too. For Botany we did a service project where we went to a state park and helped survey native plants. Half the class got poison ivy, but it was still really cool to actually do something useful for the class.

Rating: Average

Overall Quality: 3.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Tags: Lots of Homework, Participation Matters

It was the first time the class was flipped, but it worked ok. Video lectures to watch before class, and practice problems in groups during class. If you don’t like learning from videos, you might not like it much. I don’t know how he assigned the groups, he got the weirdest sets together. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people get in fights in a class, but if you just figured out how to work together you learned a lot. Crowley usually just watched and laughed while they were yelling at each other. Definitely not the most hands-on professor, but he never minded answering questions if you were doing your work.

Rating: Poor

Overall Quality: 1.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Group Projects

Plants are boring. Group work sucked. The blog entries we had to do were stupid.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 4.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Accessible Outside of Class, Tough Grader

Look, people say Crowley is scary, and I get it, but he’s not mean to students. One guy in the class said that he didn’t know that plants took up water through their roots instead of their leaves, and Crowley started yelling for twenty minutes about how bad science education is because of standardized testing. Poor guy was terrified, but at the end Crowley told him that it wasn’t his fault for not knowing something if nobody ever taught him, and that he wanted students to be able to ask any questions, even if it should be obvious. So, yeah. He’s actually a really solid dude. Don’t be afraid to ask questions in his class. I’ve never seen him try to make students look stupid, no matter what they said.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 4.0

Level of Difficulty: 5.0

Tags: Skip Class? You Won’t Pass, Participation Matters

He’s really into the clickers; asks a lot of questions during class, which can be annoying but does help you learn the material. Takes attendance with them too. And he always seemed to notice when someone was checking in for a friend, so you really do have to go to class. He has way too much energy for an 8:10 section, but it helps you stay awake. I think he might be better for upper-levels, but at least he’s trying with the intro class.

A. Fell

Overall Quality: 4.2

Would Take Again: 65%

Level of Difficulty: 3.3

Tags for this Professor

See how other students describe this professor

Get Ready To Read (4), Participation Matters (3), Inspirational (3), Caring (3), Tough Grader (2), Gives Good Feedback (2), Hilarious (1), Amazing Lectures (1), Lecture Heavy (1)

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Tags: Caring, Inspirational

Dr Fell is a ray of sunlight! He always just made me happier walking into class, I want to take every class he teaches just to see him smiling at me in the morning. Knows his stuff, and just really seems to actually like his students. I stumbled across his office in a back hallway one time, and he gave me tea and let me pet his snake!

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 4.0

Level of Difficulty: 2.0

Tags: Get Ready to Read, Tough Grader, Gives Good Feedback

Had him for intro to brit lit. He’s super awkward most of the time, but really excited about the material, which helps keep it from getting too boring. Lots of comments on essays, but lets you revise for a better grade.

Generations of students want to know- what does the A stand for???

Rating: Average

Overall Quality: 3.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Do NOT try to go to Fell for help. His office is in a really hard to find hallway, and it doesn’t have his name on it or even the room number (which was wrong on the syllabus). Even if you find it, he’s never there for his office hours. The class is fine, but if you want help you’re just out of luck.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Get Ready to Read, Participation Matters, Tough Grader

Fell is one of my favorite profs in english! Yeah, he talks a LOT, but it’s all super interesting stories about the authors that we read and stuff. He makes even really boring books interesting. DO the readings, though, because you can’t get away with bullshitting in discussions. He just keeps asking you more questions about what you thought and why, and if he figures out that you slacked he just looks really disappointed in you.

Rating: Poor

Overall Quality: 2.0

Level of Difficulty: 5.0

Tags: Lecture Heavy, Skip Class? You Won’t Pass

He’s always covered in chalk dust, and I don’t know why, because he hardly ever stops to write anything on the board. And it’s not because he has power points instead, because he doesn’t. I don’t think he even knows how to use a computer. He doesn’t allow them in class. Anyway, if you want to be scribbling frantically for the entire period without knowing how any of the many, many names he’ll say are spelled, you’ll love him. He will ask about them on the exam.

Rating: Average

Overall Quality: 3.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

I don’t know who tagged him as inspirational or hilarious, his lectures are all just really boring. I kept falling asleep. He did ask me if I was ok, so he cares about students i guess. Good luck not getting super distracted by his clothes, though. Takes the eccentric professor thing too far.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 2.0

Tags: Caring, Get Ready to Read

I love Dr Fell!!! He’s seriously the only reason I graduated. I was seriously thinking about dropping out because I was flunking orgo again, but one day he asked me to stay after class and told me that he wanted to nominate my paper for a student award, and told me that I really had to keep writing. I started crying, and he just gave me a tissue and told me I had to stay. One of the most caring professors I’ve ever had. I’d never even told him I was thinking about leaving.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 4.0

Level of Difficulty: 3.0

Tags: Amazing Lectures, Inspirational, Hilarious

One of the smartest people I’ve ever met. Occasionally he forgets that the rest of the world can’t always keep up, but he’s usually really good about going back and explaining if you ask. Goes on tangents, but they’re always really interesting. Ask him about the history of Edinburgh, he talked about it for like 40 minutes and it was one of the most interesting classes I’ve ever been in. Also just a really sweet guy. I’m a bit jealous of his husband, ngl.

Rating: Good

Overall Quality: 5.0

Level of Difficulty: 4.0

Tags: Inspirational, Participation Matters, Tough Grader

TAKE A CLASS WITH PROFESSOR FELL! I promise, you won’t be the same person afterwards that you were before.

#Good Omens #Good Omens fic #things I wrote #inexplicable as they are #Rate My Professor is pretty terrible but I'm still not sorry I did this

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secret-diary-of-an-fa · 4 years

Text

Election Fever Is a Degenerative Brain Disease

So here we are. It’s coming up to Xmas and, to celebrate, the British people have elected a gormless twerp with a thesaurus up his arse and an unconvincing Mariah Carey wig for a haircut. I can only assume that everyone got confused and somehow conflated ‘Xmas’ and ‘April Fool’s Day’. You’d think the fact they’re in different months and have nothing whatsoever to do with one another would help to differentiate, but that you know what people are like: fucking morons.

Of course, the real explanation for the recent re-election of the Tory party (headed, inexplicably, by Boris Johnson, guffawing lout to the stars) is that the British people are cunts. Normally, I’d find a funnier way to say that, but there’s nothing funny about a nation populated by venal, selfish, delusional halfwits. I mean, aside from when they kill each other in traffic collisions. If that sounds harsh, just take a minute to think about this: 66% of the people who bothered to vote apparently voted to be ruled by a political party dedicated to dismantling the National Health Service, abolishing the Human Rights Act (no, really), repealing the laws that protect against cruelty to animals, pushing ahead with dangerous fracking techniques and criminalising innocent traveller communities. The stated reason for this is that the Tories promised to get Brexit sorted out. This is both stupid and horrifying. It’s stupid because it’s an obvious lie: the Tories have spent the last two years or so failing miserably to sort Brexit out, so it’s pretty fucking clear they’re not going to manage it now just because they said they would. It’s horrifying because it means that the British apparently want Brexit more than they want good health, human rights, a good relationship with nature, clean drinking water and freedom of movement. They want to pick a fight with the people who migrate to our country to spend money and trade with us more than they want a healthy, functioning nation. Evidently, racism is dearer to the English than life itself.

There were some sparks of light in the darkness. Buxom cougar socialist Dianne Abbot kept her seat in parliament. The right-wing press made a big thing about how she had a crafty drink on public transport in a bid to push her out of her seat, but they really misjudged their readership. If there’s one thing that unites the British people more than their petty resentment of the trading bloc that protects us from global trade crises and ensures our human rights, it’s an enthusiastic attitude towards alcoholism. If our Red Jez had spent Prime Minister’s Question Time swigging a can of Stella and then ripped off his shirt and demanded that Boris fight him for the right to mate, he might have won the election. Sadly, he just campaigned on a platform of reasonable, intelligent, progressive policies and non-partisan diplomacy and dignified statesmanship, like a mug. Poor sod was doomed for the start: he credited my countrymen with brain cells.

I’d say that I’m ashamed to be British, but I’m not sure I even consider myself British at this point. I have so little stake in society that it’s a bit like describing a Starling as a home-owner just because its nested in your attic and shat on your stuff.

Obviously, the news that People Are Stupid isn’t exactly, well, actual news. Brits were dumb as soup before the election and they’re dumb as soup now. It’s just that now I have statistical proof that, on average, they’re also fucking cunts. At some point, I’ll write a blog about how to harness that knowledge and turn it to your advantage (I’m working on a life philosophy that can best be described as ‘Radical Despair’). Until then, can I suggest you bog off?

#Secret Diary of a Fat Admirer #election 2019 #UK election #we're all doomed

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tumblunni · 5 years

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My ideas if Wales gets referenced in this new britain region which is probably unlikely but we can hope:

* Another sheep pokemon/a mareep regional variant/just mareep being common over here

* llamhigyn y dwr regional variant of gligar! As a kid i always thought gligar was meant to be one of those! Its a mytholigical flying frog with a scorpion tail, and really the only reason i dont think gligar is based on it is because its ground instead of water type. Like its really specifically similar right down to the wings being webs under the arms!

* Welsh Lady pokemon! (The traditional costume kids wear at eisteddfods)

* Maybe instead some sort of legendary based on eisteddfods in general? Theyre a poetry/art festival where the winner gets "the chairing of the bard" aka just imagine ur average school contest except if ur in wales u literally get knighted with a fake sword, crown and The School's Personal Throne. Its very weird in retrospect but it just seemed normal when i was a kid. I won it once and i was so anxious having to go thru the big celebration thing!! Like aaa just let me take my certificate and run! XD So yeah maybe a legendary based on the eisteddfod throne itself? Its called a throne but its more of a fancy wooden chair with patterns carved into it. So some sort of wooden dragon! And the legend would be that only the most talented bards can ride it and it bucks off anyone it thinks isnt purehearted enough. And maybe it could have a lovespoon for a tail cos thats also another wooden welsh thing. (Fancy carved spoons for good luck and/or romantic gifts)

* welsh cake pokemon!! Theyre just a sweetened scone with raisins in it, but i think it could be really cute as a design. Im thinking a rock type that just coincidentally looks like a cake with raisins, and it rolls around sideways like a big goofy crab~

* or if you wanna go for other local foods maybe mix the kelpie with bara bryth? (Seaweed bread paste stuff) So its just a loaf of bread that evolves into a badass horse and it would make no sense to anyone except brits, lol.

* perhaps a legandary based on the bard taliesin? It could be similar to nebby in starting off with a weak baby form but then becoming a badass! Cos his origin story was that he wasnt naturally all super cool so talented at singing that he could make literal magic happen just by sheer creativity. Instead he accidentally drank a magic potion of creativity that a witch made, and his abilities came at the cos of Pissing Her Off Forevermore. So maybe the baby form cpuld be a witch's cauldron? And have a tail made of chains to symbolize how he was enslaved as that witch's assistant and managed to escape with her most valuable prize. And then his ethereal fancy humanoid form could maybe be similar to meloetta's living music thing but more with calligraphy instead? But perhaps still have a similar chain tail to show his origins, except now the links in the chain are all fancy calligraphy Os, lol

* accompanying legendary possibilities: ceridwen (the evil witch from that story) or morfran (her innocent son) Morfran did nothing wrong but is often painted as more of the villain of the story than she is, simply because he was black. Yeah there's racism even back in our mythology, ugh...! I always felt so depressed for morfran cos the story is that ceridwen only made this super magical potion of being the best bard ever cos everyone said her son was the ugliest man on earth and EVEN SHE AGREED so she thought she had to give him some magic powers to stop people from hating him. And instead taliesin steals it and goes off to be the most powerful and respected and also handsome man ever, the end. And seriously the ONLY THING they mention about why this child is ugly is that he was "black like a crow" and also his name means evil crow. And thats just the end of his story forever, being some other dude's origin story and then forgotten into the void :( So like hey a pokemon criticizing that part of the myth wouls be great too! Like maybe have morfran be a counterpart legendary like latias to latios and he just looks equally beautiful with a reversed colourscheme of dark skin and white calligraphy patterns. And maybe the pokedex entry could be like "taliesinmon got its powers thru a magical gift from meloetta" and "morfranmon worked really hard for its powers all on its own and also is very socially anxious and relateable and tumblr user tumblunni's favourote character in all british mythologies despite also representing the worst part of our nation but hey its not this man's fault please rescue him ok" Srsly its not like its common to see taliesin referenced in fiction but morfran is even more forgotten and i think he needs at least one positive fictional depiction to make up for being screwed over in the original myth.

* Another myth with unintended bad messages is the one of Blodeuwedd or Dwedd (friends may recognize that i named my Gourgeist after her!) Her story is that she was an artificial human created out of plants in order to be some guy's sex toy basically. Yet she's the villain of the story cos she refused to marry him and ran off with another guy. Like seriously she was BORN to marry this dude! Even if he's the big mythological prince we're supposed to root for, with modern morality perspectives its kinda impossible to see it that way. At least unlike morfran she actually does do other stuff to establish her as a villain other than just existing, she comes back with her new boyfriend to kill the dude who made her and thus set the course of history awry cos he was A Really Inportant Destiny Prince And All. But seriously dude this is 100% your own fault for being creepy enough to not want to date real women and instead have some messed up preprogrammed woman who'd do whatever you want. "The only reason she wouldnt obey like he wanted must be because the seed of evil was in her heart" yeah no maybe it was the seed of free will u bastard. Anyway they have a funny sequence where prince douche mc douchebag is prophesized to never be killed by etc etc etc so dwedd and her new boyf have to trick him into THE MOST CONTRIVED CIRCUMSTANCE EVER to find a loophole. I think it was something like one foot on a goat and one on a bucket while at the border line between two countries at the crack of dawn? And as fitting a standard boring hero story of course eeeevil dwedd gets thwarted and prince pompous is ressurected and she's punished forever by being turned into an immortal owl for some reason.

* SO YEAH! Plant owl legendary! I just thought this myth in particular would be cool cos a female plant legendary with a disney villain aesthetic instead of the cliche pretty sexy thing everyone would probably expect. Make her bombastic and badass and terrifying!!! The pumpkaboo line is the closest thing so far cos bat pumpkin is KINDA close to daffodil owl. At least in terms of spooky aesthetic, lol

* oh and also her boyfriend was named gronw pebr and honestly he barely does anything in the whole story but he has a really cool name so i felt like mentioning it

* our national flower is the daffodil and our national vegetable is the leek so maybe a farfetch'd variation with a daffodil? Or maybe a saucepan or somethin. It could kinda work with farfetch'd origin, plus one of our most famous nursery rhymes is about saucepans. AR GATH WEDI SCRAPU GROOKEY BACH

* our national animal is actually the dragon not the sheep! So definately give us some good dragon types!! Our flag is a dragon so maybe our legendary could be that? And perhaps reference the whole "red dragon beats the white dragon symbolizing how much england sucks" legend by having it have two forms like minior or darmanitan and the weaker cowardly defensive one is england. Just sayin!!

* i dont think you can really make a pokemon personification of england conquering and literally owning us and us taking so long to even get considered a separate country again and be able to have our native language in schools except it was already so many generations passed of it being forbidden to be spoken that barely anyone still knew it and even nowadays when we have billingual road signs the rate of billingualism is incredibly low and im really jealous of my sister growing up in a school that taught it from a young age cos i was thrown into intermediate level welsh without having the basic lessons and thus nevee managed to learn it at all and felt both stupid and disconnected from my ancestors irretreiveably

* MAYBE A RUGBY POKEMON I DUNNO LOL

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jflashandclash · 5 years

Text

Traitors of Olympus IV: Fall of the Sun

Twenty-Three: Thalia

Rabbits with Ratbbitude

Axel must have lost his mind. And not in the “a god drove me mad and now I’m trying to kill my loved ones” kind of way. In the “I finally cracked and see the white rabbit” kind of way.

At least, that was the only conclusion Thalia could come to when Axel started berating the rabbit she and Reyna caught.

Fortunately, they found a rabbit quickly after leaving Axel and Calex to their heart-to-heart. This must have been a gift from Tyche, since Thalia didn’t want to stray too far from the river and the boys, and she also didn’t want to walk in awkward silence near Reyna for too long.

After a tree branch caught Reyna’s breastplate and made a sound worthy of a horror movie, Thalia had Argentum and Reyna fan out to the side, to scare animals towards Thalia instead of away. After all, praetorian armor and shiny dogs weren’t exactly designed for stealth. They had more of the “look at me; I’m important” ring to them.

They weren’t gone for long before the praetor and hound helped corner a rabbit straight into Thalia’s net.

“Not bad for a praetor.” Thalia grinned. Reyna might need some stealth work to become a huntress—if she’d ever have interest—but definitely not bad. When Thalia thought of how easy Reyna had escaped Thalia and the huntresses’ confines before, Thalia should have expected no less.

Argentum held his head high with pride, his tail darting back in forth happily. Thalia wondered how often Reyna’s guard dogs got to hunt and whether or not Reyna would want to set up a doggy play date with the wolf pack. Although Thalia knew Reyna did the whole bath house things with her female comrades, she felt like Reyna didn’t spend nearly enough time with the girls.

As they walked back, no longer having the hunt as an excuse for silence, Thalia debated on all the questions she wanted to ask Reyna. Things still felt kind of weird with the whole Axel-threatening-her-with-Mayan-love-poetry-thing. (Axel was SO weird.) But she got the vibe Reyna didn’t care, didn’t feel threatened, or was amused by the whole thing.

If anyone was acting awkward, Thalia figured it was her; despite the love potion, Thalia felt guilty having thoughts about any boy, never mind it being Axel. With Euna, Thalia hadn’t known if there might have been a loophole in her huntress vows, but the Boys Have Cooties Rule was pretty well established.

Which bought Thalia to the things she was really worried about: one boy in particular and her huntresses.

“How were the huntresses before you left? And how was the camp?” Thalia asked. “Eminent destruction still on hold for the day?”

With all the time Thalia spent on the hunt, Jason often, shamefully, slipped her mind. With everything that happened between Axel and Pax, she was passively worried about him. He was powerful, but she didn’t want a god taking her little brother from her again. Er—he was her big brother now, right? Being a huntress was confusing and made aging stupid. Major downside to immortality: no more birthday parties.

Thalia also felt guilty for encouraging two huntresses to leave their pursuit of the Teusmessian fox against Artemis’ direct order to continue, and Artemis wasn’t always known as a forgiving goddess. Thalia wondered if Artemis and her sisters were still locked in a challenge they could never win, like catching the Energizer bunny.

“Lesedi and Christiana were still scouting for the camp when I left. No contact from the gods, as support or enemies, other than the ‘near-Death’ experience that Calex had.” Reyna shuddered and Thalia thought about what it must have been like for Calex to race Death. While they had been going through the jungle, the Brit had been double checking everyone else’s movements, like he was scared they were going to grade his forest-traversing skills on grace and coolness. Despite his insecurities, she had to give him some kudos for racing death and winning. Grace and coolness points earned regardless of jungle-traversing skills.

“That rabbit looks… strange,” Reyna said, changing the subject and making Thalia wonder if Reyna was also nervous thinking about her own troops in the upper world.

Once the rabbit froze up in Thalia’s net, she stopped paying it much attention. Thalia held her net up to peer at the tiny mammal in the turquoise lighting.

He was a cute little thing. For some reason, she strongly felt it a “he.” His ears were long, twice as long as the average rabbit in the United States, except maybe the jackrabbits Thalia had hunted in the desert. His fur was the color of the desert, a light brown. Admittedly, Thalia—in her years as a huntress—had never seen a rabbit look so annoyed and put upon. This rabbit combined both expressions flawlessly. It was like Nico in tiny rabbit form.

Then she noticed the weird thing: this rabbit had a long, curled-up tail, like that of a chinchilla.

“I really hope this is a rabbit,” Thalia grumbled, lowering her net so she could more easily dodge around hanging vines and would-be snakes.

“How do you think this rabbit is going to get us across the river?” Reyna asked.

Thalia rolled her eyes. “Like I have any idea what Cat Breath is thinking. He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with instructions. He didn’t even specify dead or alive.”

“One is slightly more amendable than the other,” Reyna muttered. She used her spear to push away a snake dangling in Thalia’s path.

Thalia really didn’t want this quest to go from “hunt the rabbit” to “rabbit resurrection,” so she had to agree. “We should name him,” Thalia said, carefully hopping over a tree root that poked up from the soil.

Argentum made a soft clang when he jumped to the other side alongside his owner.

“He doesn’t look like a Cottontail,” Reyna snorted at the rabbit’s long appendage.

“What about Bugs?” Thalia said. The sound of the blood river was getting closer. They would meet up with the boys soon. She held her net up again to see if the rabbit reacted to the name.

He glared at her apathetically.

“And what are you going to do if Axel needs to kill Bugs?” Reyna asked, the humor thinly veiled in her voice.

Although Thalia had hunted down and killed plenty of animals, beasts, and monsters during her time as a huntress, these wide, black, vaguely irritated eyes suddenly felt a bit too personable, like he was a little punk rabbit. Thalia heard stories of the augury readings at Camp Jupiter, where they sacrificed stuffed animals for various ceremonies.

With her spare hand, she made a tiny spark. “He can try.”

They laughed as the forest broke to reveal the shoreline, where Axel and Calex were still seated.

“Axel,” Thalia held up their catch, “You can’t hurt Mr. Bugs.”

For a moment, no one moved but the dogs. Aurum sat up, alert, then rose to join Argentum at Reyna’s side. From the way Axel’s jaguar ears were flattened into his hairline, and the way Calex smirked, Thalia got the impression that Axel just shushed Calex. Ugh, boys, Thalia thought.

Axel closed his eyes and exhaled. His ears twitched up, seeming to contradict the forlorn expression. “Thalia… I’m sorry.”

The mire in Thalia’s chest died. “What?” She held Bugs up higher and realized, with horror, what he was talking about.

“I’m going to have to cut out and eat his heart,” Axel said.

Calex’s jaw dropped. “Are you bloody serious?”[1]

Queasiness overtook Thalia. Had Axel eaten rabbit hearts before? Had she given someone mouth-to-mouth that had eaten a raw bunny heart before?!

“Gross!” she said. Thalia glanced to Reyna, to see if Reyna would support finding another way across the river and, maybe, sympathize over her mortification of exchanging saliva with this guy.

Reyna’s face was twisted up, like she could barely repress a laugh.

Axel’s serious face cracked into a smile.

“Augh.” Thalia rolled her eyes. “Could you at least pretend at something less gross next time?”

Axel rose. He dusted the dirt off his leather pteruges and the pants under and then stood straight. He coughed into the back of his hand. “Thalia, let me see Bugs.”

Calex stood up beside him, picking his golden bow up from the ground. He reached up, like he wanted to grab the black scarf he usually wore around his neck, only to remember he’d put it in his bag, since it was way too hot down here for winter wear. “Mate, you’re not actually going to eat his heart, right?”

Axel tried to give Calex a blank stare, but couldn’t quite manage to repress his smile. “Give me the rabbit.” He walked over to remove Bugs from the net.

That was when he held the rabbit at eye level by the scruff of its neck.

And shouted at it.

Everyone jumped. Aurum and Argentum growled. Without realizing it, the four of them had been speaking hushed voices, only slightly raised to keep over the slurp of the river. Axel’s yell was so unexpected and loud, Thalia feared whatever monsters lived here—or those Lords of Xibalba—would show up to complain about noise code violations.[2]

He didn’t stop. In some staccato, foreign tongue, he snapped at the rabbit.

The rabbit, if possible, looked more annoyed.

“Axel, what the Hades?!” Thalia said.

“You’re giving away our position to anyone within this underworld and the next three over!” Reyna snarled.

Axel waved them off with his free hand without breaking eye contact with the rabbit.

Calex blinked in confusion. “Axel, have you gone mental? I don’t think the hare cares. Leti antal t’u’ul—”[3]

“You can understand him?” Reyna asked.

Calex’s confusion turned towards them. “Of course—Right.” He seemed to realize Thalia and Reyna were in the dark about his I apparently speak obscure languages thing. “Yea, ‘love speaks all languages.’ It’s an Eros thing. He’s repeating himself a lot. Let’s have a look see…”

Axel hadn’t paused in ridiculing this poor bunny, and Thalia had a suspicion he might bore the tiny thing to death. If pushed, it might break and jump for the blood river. Maybe that was Axel’s plan: to force autosacrifice the way teachers induced sleep during horrible lectures.

“Uh, he started something with… giving this rabbit lots of titles. They’re a bit posh. ‘Father of all Hares,’ ‘Child of None,’ and the likes. Then something about, ‘To you, one who stole my father’s boat, one who stole my uncle’s boat, thief of my family’s property,’ and ‘then, you shall undo it therefore, it shall be returned again,’ else…”

Calex tilted his ear to the side, and began to translate, at almost the same time Axel was moving his lips to shout,

“’I will pull it,

I will rip it off,

The way our fathers did before me,

And their grandfathers before them,

Ending the tail of the taleless rabbit,

Beginning the tale of the tailless rabbit.’”

Thalia’s head spun at that last verse. This reminded her of stories about the sphinx, though she heard they had upgraded from riddles to pop quizzes.

The rabbit rolled its eyes. “Okay, fine. Would you just stop? No one has talked like that for, like, a thousand years,” the rabbit said.

“Okay, fine. Would you just stop—” Calex started to repeat.

“The rabbit spoke in English,” Reyna told Calex, her eyes wide.

Axel and Calex seemed as shocked that the rabbit spoke in English as Thalia and Reyna were that it spoke at all.

All of them stared at the fluffy bunny.

Thalia had met plenty of talking monsters, though, she suddenly realized, very few talking animals. Thalia wasn’t ready for her little Bugs to speak and braced for a, “What’s up, doc?”

Its accent was a bit too Hispanic to pull the typical Bugs Bunny voice, though she assumed there was some Spanish Looney Tunes voiceover.

“You’re not supposed to be able to speak,” Axel said, “Your flesh was condemned to be devoured and homes be left to wander, thus spat by the Framer and the Shaper, by She Who Has Borne Children and He Who Has Begotten Sons, because you could not worship them with words.”

Thalia glanced over to Calex, who shrugged. “No idea.”

“Holy K’an Ti! Do people still address the creators like that?” the rabbit asked. “We other animals may not be as longwinded as man, air bag, but we got words.”[4]

“Santiago and Frasco’s boat…?” Axel growled. “The boat—”

The rabbit shuddered. “Please, just don’t start talking with repetition again. I’d rather you rip off my tail. I’ll get Frasco and Santiago’s boat. I’ll talk to my friends for help. Augh, you sound like my great-times-one-thousand grandpa. Now, let me go.”

Axel glared, then gently set the rabbit down.

Bugs shook himself out, used his back leg to itch behind his ear, then examined Axel. “What jackass told you to address us like that anyway?”

Axel’s entire body tensed. Thalia had taken more notice of his muscles at Lemnos Resort than she was willing to admit, and she was happy he hadn’t done that motion while they were under the love potion. His knuckles went white around his sword hilt.

“The boat,” Reyna reminded the tiny rabbit.

Bugs snorted and hopped off into the jungle, this time along the shoreline.

Aurum and Argentum watched his movement like they were barely resisting another hunt.

Reyna made a whistling noise, and they dematerialized. Thalia really needed to ask what happened when they did that. Did Reyna carry a spare Pokeball around that none of them had noticed?

“So,” Thalia said, “Your family has a boat.” Although watching the rabbit berate Axel was fun, she was mad. “You couldn’t just tell us that we were crossing on a boat, instead of freaking us all out like a jerk?”

Axel’s muscles slowly relaxed. He released his sword hilt and raised an eyebrow at Thalia. “Huntress, if I’d have told you I needed you to catch a rabbit with a tail, so I could yell at him until he fetched my uncle and Santiago’s boat, when all of you already think I’m lost geographically and losing my mind, how would you have reacted?”

Thalia crossed her arms. Earlier, she’d removed her parka and stuffed it into her backpack, so she could feel the cool touch of her Aegis bracelet. “I would have caught the rabbit.” That previous urge to hit him across that dumb goatee returned.[5]

“Lieutenant,” Reyna said.

Calex stared at her.

Thalia didn’t realize until then that her fingers had sparked.

Calex cleared his throat. “Right. So, chatting with rabbits..? How did you learn to chat with a rabbit like some old chap? That uh, family business? Typical Pax tradition?” He sounded eager to avoid a fight.

Axel tilted his head towards Thalia in confusion, like he didn’t think he’d done anything wrong.

In Thalia’s rulebook, openness with the team and trust were necessities. Although Luke would have never wanted to worry Annabeth or the others at Camp Half-Blood, Thalia often wondered if things would have been different if he’d voice his opinions more openly, if he could have gotten help.

They needed to get across the river and work as a team to get to Euna, but Thalia sparked her fingers one last time, for good measure and to remind Axel she was here to keep him in line.

“Axel,” Calex said.

Axel sighed and nodded to Thalia. “I underestimated you, huntress, and for that I am sorry.”

“The rabbit is right,” Thalia said, almost more annoyed he apologized, “You speak like the representative of an ancient geriatrics ward.”

Reyna choked on a laugh. Calex let his escape.

Axel sighed and shook his head, smiling softly.

He turned to Calex before remembering that Calex’s question had also revolved around how he couldn’t talk like a person from the 20th or 21st century. Thinking that meant a lot from Thalia: some of the girls she hung out with referred to Jesus as “that youthful upstart.”

“Uncle Frasco told me to talk to the rabbits like that if I ever ended up in Xibalba,” Axel said. His lip twitched, like he couldn’t decide to smile or frown. “He was kind of like… a more willful Ajax—”

“So willing to jeopardize people’s lives for a practical joke,” Calex said.

Axel decided on a cross between the two expressions: a sad smile. “Still pranking me from the afterlife.”

Reyna took a step forward to touch Axel’s shoulder.

Without looking at Reyna (or, if Thalia had to guess, thinking through any consequences) he slipped a hand up to enlace their fingers.

“Hey, praetor, huntress.”

Reyna almost kicked the rabbit that seemed to materialize at her feet. Reyna and Axel released their hands to go for their weapons.

Bugs itched behind his ear with his foot, careless of his potential incoming obliteration. “Come on. We got his boat ready for you.”

Reyna and Thalia exchanged a look.

“For us?” Reyna asked.

Like Hades Thalia was hopping onto some ancient Mayan boat to cross a river of blood without their guide.

“I mean, Prince Longwinded and the Yoruba pup can come along, but you two are the ones who captured me. It could have saved you a mouthful and me a headache if you would have just asked for the boat instead of Prince Longwinded.”

Calex grinned. “Cat Breath, Prince Longwinded. You’re acquiring quite the list of titles, mate.”

Axel sighed. His smile turned crooked as he bowed to Thalia and Reyna and swept a hand towards the shoreline. “Ladies first.”

Thalia rolled her eyes. Reyna snorted. They took the lead after the rabbit, Calex and Axel keeping their eye out for attacks from behind.[6]

Bugs hopped into the jungle bordering the river. His path paralleled the banks from the safety of the canopy. Thalia had seen other animals do this: a safer way for typical prey to travel.

“So you’re trying to get to Tartarus,” Bugs said as he hopped along. With the way he faced away from them and the slurping din of the river, his voice sounded small.

Thalia frowned, trying to remember if she and Reyna had discussed Tartarus around the rabbit.

Reyna resumed using her spear to push extra foliage and vines out of the way. “You were following us before we captured you,” she guessed.

“The forest has ears,” he said. “I’m getting the boat to shut up Prince Longwinded—”

Axel grunted behind them. Thalia almost hoped he’d speak up in protest and further prove Bugs’ point.

“But, you never asked anything in return for releasing me and christening me with the name, ‘Bugs.’”

“You’re keeping the name?” Reyna asked in surprise. She shoved some wisps of stray, black hair out of her face. Sweat stuck the pieces she missed to her cheek. She must have been boiling in her praetorian cloak.

The rabbit paused to glance back at them with what Thalia could swear was an incredulous look. “Of course,” he said. “How am I supposed to know what to be called if I’ve never been named?”

“The longer we stay here,” Calex muttered from behind, likely to Axel. “The more you and that dodgy prick of a brother make sense.”

Ahead, Thalia could see something long, narrow, and colorful through the trees. There was movement around it, and the closer they got, Thalia could make out four deer. Their fur was a chestnut brown-red, except for a grayish portion near the heads. Their front legs looked shorter than the typical deer Thalia had hunted in North America or Artemis’ sacred stag. The single stag present had horns that protruded backwards, like a gazelle’s, instead of branching out into a network, like an elaborate keyholder.

Similar to the rabbit, Thalia blinked to realize these deer had long, red tails that curled into a question mark behind them.

Thalia clenched her bow, wondering if Calex was doing the same. Yes, these were just deer, but deer could trample an unwary hunter, and maybe Xibalba deer liked to nibble on trespassing demigod flesh to prepare for winter. This could have been a trap. How would that look on a gravestone: death by startled deer.

“Free advice in exchange for releasing me,” the rabbit said, “Different underworlds often exist in one place at one time. It can just depend on who is guiding you as to what the underworld looks like, and how you make it from one underworld to another.”

As they got closer, Thalia thought she could hear a conversation happening ahead. When Reyna’s armor clanked softly, the conversation abruptly halted. The deer all froze, staring directly at them.

For a disorienting moment, Thalia had to wonder if all animals could talk, including animals in the upstairs world, and if their feigned silence was the best orchestrated hoax of the mythological world.

Bugs didn’t mind the deer’s attention. He continued hopping forward. “You will not make it across the Red River. No one has. The Lords of Xibalba don’t make it so easy to dodge the Houses of Torment. The Pax princes before Prince Longwinded, they didn’t make it across. Just ask Lord Santiago how he hurt his leg.”

Thalia could hear Axel puff up his cheeks and pop them. One more piece of information to beat out of Axel later.

“You’re close to the heart of Xibalba, which means you’re close to the heart of Tartarus. If you want to get to Tartarus, you need to be the one that takes charge.”[7] Bugs’ ears twitched towards Thalia.

The deer bolted further down the shoreline.

“Why me?” Thalia asked, wiping some sweat off her brow. She was glad they weren’t going to be lunch for a pack of ravenous deer.

“The Mayan prince can get you there, assuming everything goes right. But, if he panics, his homeland will grab him and hold him here, as he will be fighting against his nature to leave this place. I’m unsure the Yoruba pup has an afterlife or how strongly the Orisha would pull him. Praetor, you have a similar chance to the Yoruba pup, since I don’t know if you have any remnant connection to Coaybay and the op’a from your Taino descent.”[8]

Thalia glanced to Reyna. The praetor looked as confused as she felt.

She could hear Calex gulp behind them.

“You, huntress, are almost full Greek. If you come to a place of in-betweens, a place where the worlds converge, and you take the lead, you will naturally find your way home,” he said.

“To Tartarus,” Thalia corrected, uncomfortable with the assertion that Greek Hell was home. If she was about to come upon some new property, she would need to do some major redecorating.

“Whatever,” the rabbit said, hopping through the break in the trees onto the bank.

The long, narrow object the deer had clustered around was a canoe. It must have been carved from one tree, as there were no seam lines signifying separate pieces of wood. Along the exterior, there were colorful depictions of warriors and animals dancing. The bottom, unfortunately, was stained with blood. Here and there, jade, obsidian, and pearl were imbedded into the decorations. There were perfectly four paddles waiting to be used.

“She’s beautiful,” Axel muttered.

When Thalia glanced back, she saw Axel’s expression had gone slack. He puffed up his cheeks and popped them wistfully. For some reason, the reaction gave her the uncomfortable feeling that their guide had never been here before.

A rabbit giving directions and a guide who had never been to the place they were leading them through. Great, Thalia thought.

“Yea, your dad and uncle put a lot of hard work into carving and painting this thing. Why do you think we had to steal it from them?” Bugs asked. He stopped hopping beside the boat, and sniffed the exterior.

Axel scowled. “Rabbit, I was only half-joking about eating your heart.”

“Yea, yea. I heard your friends. They don’t have the gut for you to do it. Yellow-livered colonizers.”[9]

“Are you complaining that our presence is keeping you alive?” Calex asked.

The rabbit didn’t respond to him. Bugs turned and hopped back towards the jungle, like something had spooked him. “Just uh, when you fall in, don’t drown.”

Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoy and I hope you have an awesome New Year’s Eve!

Footnotes:

[1] I resisted ALL the jokes I could have made with the Britishism. It was difficult…. But I persevered. Though Calex is mad they need to cross that bloody river.

[2] Little does Thalia know, this is what happens in the real Popol Vuh.

[3] Yea, the grammar is awful in this one, and I really need to actually sit down and study again, but it is supposed to say, “He’s a rabbit.”

[4] “If we couldn’t talk, then the louse couldn’t have delivered a message to Hunahpu and Xbalanque from their chiich.” “Who?” “Eh, you’ll read about it in Jack’s stand alone novel. Don’t worry. It’ll be a lot less confusing when you get the whole story.”

[5] Get in line, Thalia.

[6] Between his years of crushing on Reyna and his recent interest in Thalia, I think it dangerous to expect Axel to focus on their surroundings if he’s bringing up the rear.

[7] Mel’s betacomment: “Wait… is the underworld… racist?”

Jack: huh…. Apparently? XD

[8] Because our lovely lady is from Puerto Rico.

[9] What’s something that Romans, Greeks, and Brits all have in common? XD

#Traitors of Olympus #Heroes of Olympus #Percy Jackson and the Olympians #fanfiction #PJO #hoo #thalia #axel #Calex #Reyna #Bugs #The ultimate bunny #A bunny that is so ultimate #you have to repeat it #In Mayan poetic style

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mitigatedchaos · 6 years

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Pirates Tell No Tales

Netflix has Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales up. I want to note that I haven't seen the movie before it.

First: was it worth watching? For me, as a learning exercise, perhaps. For you? It might not be. Audiences rated it more highly than critics, but I’m not the kind of person to watch a lot of movies these days. It did well internationally, but not in North America, where it was the lowest-grossing movie in the franchise.

I suspect that were Dead Men Tell No Tales the first movie, it would have failed to establish the franchise.

Now, as you may know, I tend to believe that people know things that they don't know they know.

I believe that they also notice things that they don't realize they notice. That's how good design works. The average Joe can't tell you about a good visual composition, and doesn't have the words or concepts to describe it, but he can tell a good composition when he sees it because it *feels right*.

I think it's the same way with writing, and particularly with writing for movies. Various movies are made with enormous budgets that rival government expenditures, and then they flop. Why? Well, aside from mismanagement causing the movies to cost more than they should in the first place, and issues with advertising, the answer is probably that they don't *feel right*.

And the root of it is probably the writing. Now, "good writing" doesn't mean "pretentious writing" or "writing for the Literary-Genre Literature Fandom." Nor does it always mean "popular writing," as something can be well-written but not *for* everyone. It doesn't even mean "original writing" - a well-executed "standard" movie can do well.

(Note: Reasonably-good writing doesn't guarantee box office success. The Robocop reboot was, in my opinion, reasonably well-done. But it came out in the wrong time. You get more points for originality by being in the past, and it's hard to recapture the 'magic' of being within the right time context. In this sense the "correct film" to make is actually Netflix's Altered Carbon series. Sometimes you have to throw out the whole premise or radically rework it. On the other hand, having worse writing isn't going to *help* unless you have a budget so low you can afford for your movie to be primarily enjoyed ironically.)

Given that a script should be relatively cheap, it seems better to improve the script before the first frame is shot to avoid costly flops.

With that in mind, here are some thoughts about *Dead Men Tell No Tales*.

Keep in mind that my tastes and sense of aesthetics may differ from others’.

[ SPOILERS FOLLOW ]

Witchery

The first issue is the handling of Carina being considered a witch.

The problem is that it isn't funny. We have a female character that's being called a witch by establishment authority figures because she knows mathematics and astronomy. It works when the pirates do it, because we have a running joke that most of them are uneducated - and the one pirate that does seem to know academic knowledge isn't in this movie.

The established authority figures shouldn't be that stupid / uneducated, which means there should be some motive beyond just "they hate women" for why they want to get rid of her. That could be some spooky-looking fake magic on her part (which would show her as clever), a personal grudge by the governor, a social attack by a clique of other women, someone wanting to steal her research, etc. If necessary, we could do this with one or two lines by one of the officials during the chase that shows hints enough at his real underhanded reason, though a scene would be preferable. If it isn't funny, then we should make it dramatic.

And if the concept isn't dramatic, then we should make it funny. Play up the absurdity of mathematics being considered witchcraft. The scene with the telescope doesn't work well for this. It's just "he's an effeminate man and hates and envies women so he calls her a witch." It's a status-play. If you want to show the dichotomy between treatment of men and women, have her disguised as a man and have him nodding along until he realizes she's a woman, then shout "witch!"

But as it stands, it isn't working well for either drama or humor. She's the cool smart protagonist girl, therefore they call her a witch because they don't like her. This honestly makes her harder, rather than easier, to relate to.

Ironically, this could work for an RPG character, because then the players would be in on the joke. You'd have the (probable) woman playing the female character take the flaw that people think the character is a witch, then stick an item in the character's backstory to justify it or wallow in the absurdity and apply a Witch Penalty to charisma rolls at opportune times for hilarity.

However, people like to mock weak men, so let's imagine that we keep the weak man and the witch accusation. How can we reconcile this? Simple enough - have the woman humiliate Mr. Telescope earlier in the movie by showing him up intellectually in front of someone who doesn't know enough to realize she's the better one. Then, have Mr. Telescope concoct an accusation of witchcraft, which gets her put in jail. Now, for the humor element - this starts a rumor which spreads among the townsfolk, getting more ridiculous and elaborate each time as the townsfolk attempt to outdo each other. (You still get to have the townsfolk be misogynistic!) One important element of comedy is timing, and I think that the appropriate timing, aside from a short piece to establish why there is popular support for jailing her, is for this to come up as a recurring gag throughout the early part of the movie, until it hits a point where someone claims that she "couldn't possibly be the real witch" because the rumor has diverged so far from reality.

Want to work this in elsewhere? Have the rumor end up hurting the actual witch that shows up later, falling into the custody of the British Empire because she does resemble the wildly-exaggerated rumors.

Captain Salad Bar

The main villain is introduced too early. While that helps establish that there is a real threat against Jack Sparrow and Henry Turner, the problem is that it makes him NOT SPOOKY ENOUGH.

The problem here is the previous movies. The protagonists in the other Pirates of the Caribbean movies have overcome supernatural captains and supernatural foes before. So the guy is a ghost? That doesn't establish that he's more of a threat than any of the other defeated antagonists that were bested before. (He’s certainly not as cool as Davy Jones.) Unfortunately, this basically means they've spent the value of his Ghost Points and not gotten much intimidation for it.

So how do we get more intimidation for it? Well, consider their boat, the Silent Mary. It does this empty ribcage / jaw thing where it rises up and crashes down on a ship like it's going to eat it. Now, it gets style points for running around floating without a complete hull. But you know what would be cool?

Captain Salazar is a ghost. A phantom. Ethereal. The echo of a time when pirates were nearly destroyed.

What if, every time his ship attacks another ship, it gets either bigger or more complete, and every time he kills a pirate, he gets more powerful? As the movie goes, he - and the threat he represents - are becoming more and more physical, more and more real. The era of mass pirate death is returning from the dead by the will of one extremely vengeful spirit.

This keeps him mysterious, and thus preserves his supernatural aura, for longer. It also builds tension, since if he gains power from killing pirates, what's to prevent him from becoming unstoppable?

This is *different* from what would necessarily make sense in a book. But since it's a movie, we have the luxury of visual presentation to play with.

The British

Now, once we've done that, we have another problem to overcome with the script. One that's already there.

Pirates of the Caribbean has done non-supernatural villains working for the Empire that are credibly-threatening as villains and personally relatable. You can watch Dead Man's Chest if you like for comparison. Commodore Norrington is made a chewtoy by the movie, but he has some touch of dignity and a relatable goal. He's also actually dangerous as per the plot. As for Cutler Beckett of the East India Company, he is ruthless, not stupid, and his motivations are understandable enough and come with a thematic backdrop of the emergence of order tied to capital.

The Brits in Dead Men Tell No Tales are incompetent, unlikeable, and unmemorable. They're just bumbling assholes overshadowed by the main villain.

However, that bank heist? That's a good scene, conceptually. It's actually funny! It takes advantage of both movies as a visual medium and the special effects budget.

So we need them to bumble, only we've created a hole in the first part of the movie where we need a credible antagonist to threaten Jack Sparrow & Company.

The solution is simple - put a metaphorical shark in charge of bumbling oafs. That can even be humorous! Lampshade it, even. A smart man in charge of idiots can still be threatening. Let's go back to the start, where we want Carina the Science Girl to be considered a witch. The existing character is so forgettable that I can't even remember his name, so we'll call our replacement Captain British.

Captain British will be in a foul mood because he has been assigned to this backwater port in the middle of nowhere, with a company of men he believes are incompetent (which is relatable, because they actually are incompetent), because of some earlier screw-up that wasn't entirely his fault. He doesn't understand the obscure technical detail being argued between Mr. Telescope and Carina, but this is because he's not educated in the field, not because he's stupid. But remember how Carina has that stubborn streak? We simply imply that she's been a troublemaker for him prior to the start of the movie (this we don't have to show directly like the humiliation of Mr. Telescope), so he takes the witch accusation as an opportunity to get rid of her with plausible public backing of the townsfolk.

He also understands the value of commerce. And prior to his assignment, the town was raided or robbed by pirates. So he's pleased to have secured the bank vault opening in town. Suck it, pirates! Which gives us more investment - and potentially makes it funnier - when the bank is stolen.

He finds out about the Trident of Poseidon in his pursuit of Jack Sparrow - for stealing the vault - and of Carina for siding with him. While he's mistaken that the two were cooperating at first, he develops a clearer understanding of the situation later. Seeking the Trident would thus not only put him back in good-standing (if he even returns to Britain after obtaining it), but help him to spite Sparrow.

All of this makes it more powerful when he's ultimately defeated by Salazar and overtaken as the villain in the second half of the movie.

Jack the Sparrow

Jack lacks his normal charisma for some reason, and I don't think it was entirely planned. Something about the dialogue. He seems to get a bit of a boost when he's back on a boat, but it still doesn't seem quite right.

Maybe bad luck was a curse from before? Let's start with that. Sparrow's bad luck should either be a literal curse or not be a literal curse. If it's a curse, then we have the terms of the curse make others less likely to believe that it's a curse. If it's *not* a curse, then either everyone else thinks Jack's cursed and wants to leave him, *or* Jack maintains that it's just a curse while everyone else says he's become too incompetent to be a captain. There's a balance to pick here, since thinking it's a curse when it isn't carries that "pirates are kinda stupid" joke that's been a running theme in the movies and which contributed to some of the more amusing bits of the movie as it exists. And, on the other side, it being an actual curse provides more potential motivation for Jack. And if it's *not* a curse, but Jack thinks it's a curse, then there's some way we could reveal this at the end when curses are broken for humor value.

As for Salazar? Jack needs a nightmare, earlier in the movie. But it's not really a nightmare, it's a premonition. He's sleep-deprived and is using alcohol to get drunk enough that he can actually sleep by being too drunk to get /remember the nightmare, which is why he's less lucid. However, because of this, he (and thus the audience) doesn't see enough of the premonition to realize what's going on until shortly before Salazar overtakes Captain British as the main villain.

#miti does media

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sotheywrotestories · 6 years

Text

Secret Santa

Request; Nope

Pairings; Newt (TMR) x Reader

Warnings; Bit of cussing

Summary; College!AU with the best little Brit.

What do I think of college? it sucks. I mean, it’s gonna be great when I’m done, but now? Man, I hate it.

But I have these amazing friends who help me through all of it. We’ve kind of rely on each other. There’s Thomas, who always pushes us to do new things, kind of the risk taker of the group. He’s gotten me a lot of good grades because I’m always afraid to try new things.

There’s Minho, who kind of brings the laughter to the group. He’s always super sassy and makes most of us laugh. He’s the best to be around during finals.

Teresa, who has always been my shoulder to cry on, especially when it comes to stupid boys and their shenanigans.

And then, the stupid boy, Newt. He was the one who kept our whole group together. The glue.

And I loved them all, especially during the holidays.

“Teresa?” I called into our dorm. “Where are all the Christmas decorations?”

“I don’t know!” Teresa called back.

“Oh, so helpful,” I mutter under my breath.

“I heard that!” Teresa called.

I sighed and pulled another huge blue tub off of the shelf. Halfway down, I lost my grip and it fell, everything inside tumbling out.

“Found them!” I shouted after pulling tinsel from out of my mouth.

Teresa came to help and we got everything set up for the party.

Once we were done, people started showing up. People being our three friends.

“Welcome!” I said, giving everyone a hug.

We all sat down and started talking, waiting for the Chinese (a tradition and story for another time) to get here.

It finally arrived. Newt went to pay for it and Teresa nudged my shoulder.

“Newt? Really?” she whispered, giggling.

“Thomas? Really?” I mocked her.

“Shut up,” she groaned, hiding her face in a pillow.

I laughed and Newt brought me my (whatever-you-order).

“Thanks, Newt,” I said.

“No problem,” Newt chuckled while plopping on the couch.

“So what’re we gonna do?” Minho asked.

“Secret Santa!” Teresa exclaimed, jumping up.

“No!” Thomas shouted, running his hands down his face.

“Ha ha ha!” Teresa shouted, picking up a hat. She made her way around the room, letting us pick names.

I got Minho, which wouldn’t be too hard, so I chuckled.

“Secret Santa is bullshit!” Newt exclaimed.

We all snapped up and stared at him. Newt didn’t really cuss.

“Sorry,” he mumbled looking back at his name.

Teresa laughed and sat back down, smirking at her paper. I peeked over her shoulder and saw “Thomas”.

“OHHH LOOK AT THAT!” I said overdramatically.

“What?” Minho gasped, flinching a bit.

I laughed and went back to my food.

Two weeks later, we were celebrating Friendsmas.

“I WANNA OPEN MINE I WANNA OPEN MINE!” Thomas screeched the second the boys walked in.

“Calm down!” Teresa chuckled.

We all gathered around the tree, waiting for our own gifts to be passed to us. I got a small, yet somewhat heavy gift, while everyone else got averagely sized items.

“Okay! I will pull names out of the hat and they have to open them!” Teresa said.

She shoved her hand into the hat and pulled out a name.

“Me!” Teresa shouted, pulling the present into her lap.

We all chuckled while she tore through the paper. Inside, was a white box. She ripped that, too.

“I love it!” she screamed, holding up a blue cardigan. “And this!” She also picked up a book.

“She’s been wanting to read that!” I yelled, grabbing the book. “By her, I mean we!”

Everyone laughed, though someone had more of a nervous laugh.

“Okay, okay! Next!” Teresa exclaimed.

She pulled out the next name, which happened to be Minho.

I got him a hair care kit and a light up mirror.

“OH MY GOD I LOVE IT,” Minho said, jumping up. “HOW DID YOU KNOW?”

We all laughed while he popped open the box to inspect it.

Thomas was next and Teresa had bought him a new set of running shoes and a gift certificate to go bungee jumping.

“Aweseom! I can’t wait to go!” Thomas exclaimed.

Next was Newt, who I assume Minho was responsible because it was a book of 101 jokes and a hand mirror.

“Awe, love it. Thanks, dude,” Newt said politely.

Finally, it was my turn. I carefully unwrapped the shiny paper and was greeted by a small snap shut box. I carefully opened it, the clutch stopping the lid from opening too far. Inside was a small, rose gold bracelet with little roses on the chain.

“Oh, my god,” I gasped, lifting the cardboard backing out of the box. When I looked at the cardboard, I noticed two white slips of paper sticking up.

I carefully pulled them out and gasped, dropping the jewelry box altogether. They were two tickets to one of my favorite Broadway shows. They were coming to town but I didn't have the money for tickets.

“Do you like it?” Teresa asked. “I mean we can’t see what it is.”

I nodded vigorously. “Who got these?”

“You’re not supposed to know, that ruins the surprise,” Minho complained.

“Well was it you?” I asked him, pulling the bracelet out.

“No,” Minho mumbled.

I looked up at Teresa, who was inspecting the bracelet, and she shook her head lightly.

I looked back at Thomas who put his hands up in mock surrender.

Finally, I made eye contact with Newt. He blushed slightly when I looked at him, then quickly looked away.

“Newt?” I asked. “Can I talk to you alone for a moment?”

Newt nodded and followed me into the hallway.

“You got these?” I asked, holding up the tickets. “And the bracelet, but Teresa still has that.”

Newt chuckled a little bit. “Yeah. Do you like them?”

“Like them? Newt this must’ve cost you a fortune,” I gasped.

“You...don’t like them?” Newt said, unsurely.

“Newt, I love them!” I exclaimed, giving him a huge hug.

“You do?” Newt asked, hesitantly wrapping his arms around me.

I pulled back. “Yes, I love them. But they are far too expensive for me to keep.”

Newt seemed to think for a moment before looking back.

“Why don’t you bring me to the show, and then we’ll call it even?” Newt asked.

I blushed and nodded, keeping my arms around his neck.

Newt blushed too, keeping his arms tight against my hips. He slowly leaned in until our noses were touching.

“Can I kiss you?” Newt asked.

I nodded and our lips touched. They molded together perfectly and we only stopped when we needed to breathe.

“Finally, god,” Teresa said from the doorway.

“What?” I laughed, not letting go of Newt’s neck.

“Thomas and I have been going around behind everyone’s backs waiting for you,” Teresa complained, giving a huge kiss to Thomas.

“What the heck Thomas?” Newt chuckled, pulling me closer still.

“Oh, we’re just glad you’re together now,” Minho said. “Cookies?”

#newt x reader #the maze runner x reader #x reader #newt tmr x reader #newt #newt tmr #the maze runner

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dwestfieldblog · 3 years

Text

REVELATION: 2021

...’Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth...see, the home of God is among the mortals.’ Hope you are staying sane. Meanwhile, from my war room (arf) inside a deep (astral) state within a non binary body...hallucinating realities...

Imagine, if you will, millions in a democratic country, who gladly make (and addictively want to) their private thoughts known via social media and are quite happy to tell random pollsters on the street their feelings on any subject of which they are asked. And plenty on which they are not. So pleased to be asked their righteous opinion, so ego led deluded that anybody might ‘like’ their words that they will spout the hatred their hearts feel on issues of the day and in their lives without a care where such information goes. They want to be heard and so, they are. Now imagine a computer driven listening and watching station with instructions from media masters, political leaders, and advertising companies paying close attention to the data gathered. Not actual facts as such but almost all emotion led opinions, collated to show the group mindset of a subsection of a country.

An algorithm can be created for what products would most likely appeal to that mass. Guns, (for random example), waterproof bibles, clothing for survivalists. You have direct knowledge of this already when You tube, your email, Alexa etc ‘suggest’ something you might/should like, based on what you have ordered, written, or spoken online. This year I have been getting dozens of spam emails for bad eyesight, Viagra type stuff and hair loss. HA. My age must be written somewhere. Not much stress on imagination to see how simple it is for organisations like the ex Cambridge Anal lytica etc to capture and utilise such info via Facebook. Or how enemies of a country could understand in no short order what makes a country really tick below the surface and how to manipulate those emotionally crippled, poorly educated AND those who seek power over others. Psychographic profiling...stop giggling at the back there...

Cui bono (who benefits) from seeding disorder? Follow the money, ‘it’s only business’. An algorithm which reveals just what people believe and who can then be exploited en masse as useful idiots to disrupt the usual inbred spastic normality of daily life in a human country. And it is dirt cheap because people WANT to reveal themselves and a rival country need only a minimum outlay of actual infiltrating agent provocateurs (many of whom will be actual natives.) A set up involving ‘sock puppets’ which serves the same purpose as APs...the legendary bots and fake identities rattling off tweets and false flag Facebook pages, rallying the disaffected faithful. ‘More evidence that the targeting works and predicts our behaviour’.

Now, once the group targets have been identified, seek out those among them who long for their moment of fame, their years of special importance and time of power. They will have already made clear their characters in online posts. Weakling Alpha types cowering their insecurities behind a loud voice. They hunger for followers, to be ‘liked’, (a basic larval human need for most) and admired for their rightness. Show them support, aid their voices to spread, mysterious donors for the message; Anybody not similar to you MUST be the opposite...and therefore, the enemy. Step by step, the daily hormone rush reprogrammes and the opinions become a self fulfilling prophecy, imprinting over all sense of reason. So now you have your moronic masses (and those dumb enough to want to lead them) most of whom are too stupid (or busy surviving) to realise they are being manipulated from afar by those who understand what is within and do not have their countries’ interests at heart. Bombarded with attack ads and propaganda... ‘Until they saw the world the way we want them to’...

Some of the leaders, big or small, will actually know they are puppets but will think it acceptable as long as they are given a little pat on the head via position and power. And a lot of money. Most, (whether mass or leader of such infiltrated countries) will be certain they are doing what they do in the name of Freedom and Democracy, while all the time, being used to further limit the same. Hilariously, bleakly, deathly ironic. From hubris to nemesis.

Yes, I am writing about Brexit and Trumpists and Q Onan. Et al, etc. Ad infinitum. Almost. Those in democratic countries who are ceaselessly working unbeknown to themselves against most of what they demand the most. ‘To take back control’. No children, you are creating a system where you will have less and less of this. ‘Follow the white rabbit’? No, you are following an algorithm in highly predictive patterns to those who own it and by extension, you.

‘I love my country!’ Do you? Why are you working free of charge for another who only wants to see your Union and partnerships broken? You vote for ridiculous men like Trump and Farrage because they are not the government and think you are rebel anarchists who will herald a new dawn of purifying flame...by substituting yet more slime who care only for their own power.

Someone points the finger, uses a trigger word and you do the Pavlov dog. Someone claps their hands and you pay unquestioning attention to their misinformation. Look over there, the world is being run by Satanic, child abusing faggot socialist liberals and foreign scum. Arf. So why are you obeying one of the above mentioned groups in the name of taking back control of your freedom? Because they already know how you will react. Because you created the infamous All Seeing eye yourselves by feeding information into the data base. Because you are so easy to trick into believing you are thinking for yourselves. ‘They’ don’t need to insert chips or vaccines with nano bots, they can just implant you with audio visual media and Nuremberg style rallies.

Take two blonde, fat stupid white men. Liars to the highest degree. One an entitled megalomaniac spoiled child and the other with half the megalomania. A glance at their track record and into their eyes should have told you all. Seems it didn’t. It took over four years and up to the week Trump left, for the rats to finally start jumping ship and for the band of the Titanic to start changing their tune. Twitter took four years to decide to cut off his fix. Nero played golf while America burned with Covid. 414,000 dead. Incitement to riot? Incitement to riot. Investigate his wannabe aristocratic family and do not allow his children anywhere near politics. Or Smug petulant Kusher anywhere near business.

Over 74 million still think Trump is a go to guy rather than a take a running jump at kicking him up his arse. He pardoned various criminals, including Bannon, (lest the fascist scuzzball fink on him)...and no pardon for Maxwell... who still could, unless she also should manage to ‘kill herself’ by accident fnord in prison. Seems likely Donald could run for office again, form his own party....What? Pence announced ‘Space Force’ personnel will be called Guardians; yes really...this year will see their first battle against the children of Thanos. Thanos, thy name is Trump. But lacking the compassion or humour.

Good morning to billionaire Mr Robert Mercer...a ‘Christian’ Conservative, gun lover, climate change denier, donor of over 100 million dollars to right wing candidates, 15 million of which went into Cambridge Analytica/Brexit and more to Breitbart and Trumps 2016 campaign. On the face of it, both he and his second daughter Rebekah would seem to have their fingers hard on many triggers of chaos, all of which serve only the rich and Russia. Breaking up partnerships, friendships, splitting unions and sowing discord. Check. Encouraging the working and middle class to merely shift their belief across to another band of disreputable rich guys by telling them how corrupt the other rich guys are. Look out! They might be Socialists! A lot of them are Europeans! They eat children and want immigrants to swarm over your town! Works like a charm. It would be so nice if billionaires would actually behave in a decent moral way (yes, sarcasm) and actually help out more, regardless of whether there is a return on their ‘charity’, instead of being the James Bond villain scum they act like.

And speaking of Q...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Arf. That narcissist prick in horns Jacob Chansley of Arizona...Shaman? Shame man. Bullhorn? Bullsh...t. No hanging lawmakers for you boy. He only eats organic food? So what? A lover of nature? Which is why he wears fur and horns and wishes death upon fellow Americans who are ‘traitors’. The Kremlin and Mercer have done a job as sweet as they did with Brexit divisions. Just let the rabid cretins do all their work for them splitting unions. Well, it’s what the CIA did so well against communism. Now it is our turn. Watching yanks and brits demand more control of their democracy while pulling it apart. Hilarious. Q Onan wanked their conspiracy to death and are now confused the Golden One has not led them to the revolution...not exactly levitating the Pentagon are you?

They believed the world is run by a paedo satan worshipping elite who plot against Trump and operate a global child sex trafficking ring. Yes really. So you can see how they appeal to the deranged righteous Christian gun toting hordes and internet savvy youth against the Deep State. Arf arf arf. The Kemlin will have studied key points as to what gets the average American and British goat and exploited it. People are so keen to share their beliefs, ideas and fears on social media that it is simple to collect and combine such info...(as happened with Cambridge Analytica) and use it for manipulating gain. Putin/Mercer probably told Trump the nature of the beast. ’If you want followers, do this...’Follow the algorithm. Dying covid patients continue to deny they even have it in South Dakota etc...that is how well the misinformation works.

Boris. A pathetic deal with Europe after an endless mantric blather of an ‘oven ready Brexit’. The chumocracy in full force as Ayanda Capital receive a 150 million pound PPE contract and provide no masks at all. And tax exile Tory donor (Lord) Ashcroft’s firm lands a 350 million pound vaccine contract (without a tendering process). Well, rather help a pal than put money into the National Health Service eh Boris? In 2019, the music industry brought in around 5.8 BILLION pounds, whereas the fishing industry netted (arf) 446 million. Sunak and Johnson have not seen fit to grant work permits for musicians to play in Europe and bands from outside will find it harder to get visas to tour in Plagueland. ‘Health’ secretary Matt Hancock said it was ‘Peculiarly unusual’ why British people went to work when they were ill. ‘Why in Britain do we think it’s acceptable to soldier on and go into work if you have flu symptoms...’Hmm. Germany pays 100 percent of sick pay. Czech Republic pays approx 60. The UK? 26. Good enough answer you prick? This guy also voted against food parcels for children, and then reversed only after an outcry.

The ever lovely Good Catholic William Rees Mogg called UNICEF’s feeding of poor English children during a pandemic at Christmas a ‘publicity stunt’. Hmm...well in 2019 the charity received 6.4 billion in contributions of which the Tory government of the UK donated 494 million. Perhaps UNICEF wanted to make a point that the UK has the largest number of food banks in the democratic world (over 2000, Germany has 900) and that it was a little beyond shameful that this was necessary. Still making money from selling birth control/termination pills in Indonesia after having said all contraception even in cases of rape was wrong Billy? The English gentleman also said he found the rise in food bank usage as being ‘rather uplifting’. Verrry Christian man. And that rotting British fish are ‘happier’ now out of Europe. A joke? The 2019 EU clampdown on tax avoidance will be avoided by him thanks to Brexit. Heavenly off shore interests, Glory! ‘How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God’. It easier for a camel to piss through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of god. Mark 10 21:25. Good luck Billy.

Met a Christian guy again who tried to tell me a parable of sorts. A little bird was flying and suddenly fell into a field dead, a cow walked over and took a dump on the little bird and the heat of the manure brought the bird back to life. Overjoyed he started to sing and was heard by a cat that killed it. The moral being, don’t interfere with God’s plan. I wondered if that had been where Christ went wrong...perhaps he should have left lepers to die...but obviously no...he was a special case. Aha, so nobody should try and help anybody ever if they have a problem or are suffering. No one should help their own children, no doctors or surgeons...but priests are allowed because the intermediaries through whom the pious live vicariously are essential workers. Great parable. If you believe in God, don’t help anyone else. That’s the story of Christ eh?

The man who told me the story also said Donald was a great guy...I need to remind him Trump has broken every single one of the Ten Commandments (apart from direct murder) The burning cross is a T for Trump... ‘The function of law and theology are the same: to keep the poor from taking back by violence what the rich have stolen by cunning’. ‘The function of theology? The recitation of the incomprehensible by the unspeakable to pick the pockets of the unthinking’. RAW. Natures God. Hilaritas Press.

The most wisdom from China since Confucius was tweeted several weeks ago to the smug frog like Nigel Farage who had written ‘Christmas cancelled. Thank you China.’ Upon which, the Middle Kingdom between Heaven and Earth replied ‘Wear a mask and stop talking s..t’. Wonderful...shame the state media Global Times then spoiled it by writing a pot/kettle article which suggested that such politicians...’care only about their political ambitions and see ordinary people as roadside grass.’ From a regime which mowed its own teenage children down in tank fire, ran over their bodies and sent the price of the bullets used in the execution of young rebels to their parents.

Meanwhile, back in the temple of ketamine far away from all that nonsense... Universe will respond non locally to my thought...All pure chance as exists cross divided in all encircling mode, arf...non-local effects...’the ‘maybe’ in between ‘yes’ and ‘no’ in Quantum Logic, of ‘solid’ ‘objects’ that are superimpositions of waves, according to one quantum model, and of ‘minds’ that are superimpositions of waves if the ‘minds’ are transactions involving brains and the brains are made of cells which are made of atoms which are made of electrons which are superimpositions of waves’. RAW THE NEW INQUISITION. Yes. And...

The hidden variable theory of consciousness asserts (1) there is a subquantal level beneath the observational/theoretical structure of ordinary quantum mechanics; (2) events occurring on this subquantal level are the elements of sentient being. Drs Walker and Herbert.

‘Consciousnesses in this model is not ‘in’ our heads. Our brains are merely local receivers ‘consciousnesses ‘is’ ‘an aspect of the non-local field’ The ‘ego’ then is the locally tuned in aspect of this usually not-tuned-in non local field.

‘...we find that our consciousness controls physical events though the laws of quantum mechanics.’ Magick. Rise in Love, ‘arouse the coiled splendour within you’ :-)

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