#also i did get bullied and its a large reason im the way i am now so thank u for telling me to keep being who i am! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heyitsyn · 4 years

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Manager!Seijoh IWA ROUTE

a/n: uwuwuwuwuwu my mans iwa chan :’)

IM A SIMP FOR IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

uwu filo!iwa in this :)

and also, listen to lauv while reading this since i wrote this and that song was playing on repeat O_O and also this song

this is my self-request uwu

HES SUCH A POUTY BABIE BLS LOVE ON HIM

onwards we goooo

hihihihihihi yey im so excited for this yall dont even know

ANYWAYS

so,,,,

when iwa first saw you, he thought you were just a cute little thing

your shorter height, your puffy cheeks, and the wide eyes you had whenever you saw someone, or him, do a really cool spiking move

he initially thought of you as a cute little sister hes never had

ehehe that finna change

then the,,,, bullying thing happened

if youd like to read this part, its right here

when he saw you bloodied, all battered,

dear lordie he was finna break some ankles

ONG I WAS JUST TALKING ABOUT SANGWOO YET HERE I AM

like that image of you will probably stay in his memory until he dies of the ripe age of 200

ngl it kinda traumatized him a little bit of how tired and pained you look with the tears rolling down your face and the blood that was escaping your body through your wounds

god you didnt deserve any of that

you deserved the world and the universe yet some people dared to take away your worth

ooo he was so mad

miyo was,,,, hurt??

can i say that??

i dont wanna,,,, explain bara arms iwa hurting a girl so youre gonna have to imagine that for yourselves

but at the end when they said slap, he didnt just ✨S L A P ✨ her

he ✨ B R O K E S O M E A N K L E S ✨

oiks is actually scared of him after that

like oiks had to peel him off of her and towards the infirmary where you and the team were

‘IWAIZUMI HAJIME, STOP!’

oof the first and last time oikawa tooru ever said that full name

he was breathing heavy and he was so ✨ A N G R Y ✨ with what she did to you yet he hears your soft scoldings, telling him off for hurting a girl

he wanted to see you

like right now

iwa tore himself from oikawa’s grasp and ✨ N Y O O M E D ✨ himself to the nurse’s office

there, you sat on the bed with the others scattered either on other beds or on the floor

you smiled at the sight of him and he walked towards you and engulfed you in his arms

‘youre okay now. im here’

he whispered and you buried your face into his chest, breathing in his unique scent

lavender mixed with peppermint

he refused to leave your side so he ✨ M A D E ✨ some room on the bed beside you to sit and he wrapped his arm around your waist, holding you close

you held his hand while oikawa talked to you and as you shamefully bowed your head

but you were forgiven and everything was all good until the third years really got into plan

makki and mattsun promised to handle it all as they had family in the justice field while oikawa would go and get the girl suspended

‘but what about me?! i want-’

‘iwaizumi, you literally hit her. it’d be best if you’re not involved right now as you were the only one who physically touched her in a harmful manner like that’

ong when it come to y/n, the meme team is replaced by the assassin team

he tried to fight but in the end, 3 overpowered 1 and he was forced to sit back and opted to comfort you instead

he made sure you were safe to walk home but that day, you were the one who asked him to spend time with him

just you two

like after seeing him seethingly enter back into the room, you reached out and held his hand in yours, eyes trained on your fingers fiddling with his

‘iwa-san,,,, you said you downloaded the new godzilla movie?’

you whispered but he could still hear you and his heart swelled at your meek voice

‘yea, i did. and my mom bought those chips you like’

your eyes flitted up to meet his eyes and a soft smile spread on your lips and there was this thumping in his heart

maybe that was the first time that iwaizumi hajime felt differently towards you

a smile that seemed to be differently perceived than the rest

and it wasnt for the whole team

it was for him

and him alone

the trek to his house was quiet but you would hum nursery rhymes or the songs you heard earlier in the radio while skipping every few steps and tightly holding on to his hand

iwaizumi’s olive eyes watched you still radiate energy despite being so hurt for a long time

they then trailed to your linked hands and he unintentionally squeezed it, only figuring out he did it when you looked up to him and squeezed it back with a smile

he wanted to do something to make you forget of what happened

he didnt want you to think about the cruelty and pain so he was going to make sure you would continue smiling

thankfully, his parents werent home so he wouldnt have to explain why he has a bandage-covered girl with him

iwa led you upstairs to where his room was and your eyes widened when you saw what was inside

tiny action figurines of animes like bakugo from boku no hero academia or a tiny pikachu on his desk

there was a large country flag that you didnt recognize and a few godzilla posters and volleyball players decorating beside it

however, besides those normal things you wouldve expected,

there were many polaroids

polaroid pictures that were everywhere with no specific layout pattern and just placed anywhere that had room

iwa watched as you dazedly walked forward and entered the room to move towards the wall by his desk that had the most pictures against it

from pictures of him and oikawa to the third years to him and his parents or just the sunrise and human silhouettes

your fingers reached forward and traced the picture of him and the third years when they were still first years and took a spontaneous trip to the beach

‘mattsun stole his dad’s car and drove us to the beach without a license’

iwaizumi’s voice answered your questions and you looked back, shimmering eyes

this room,,, wasnt just a normal, teenage boy’s room

this was a room that represented iwaizumi hajime

from his natural character description like his love for volleyball evident in the volleyball player posters to the underneath description that was hidden like his love for godzilla and his love of taking pictures of the people he cares about the most

it was all that made up iwaizumi hajime

your feet took you to stand in front of him, still standing at the doorway, and you stood on your toes to try and be eye-level with him

‘youre really cool, iwa-san’

you whispered and his ears turned red, not from the compliment, but by the close distance between you two

iwa clearedhis throat and ruffled your hair roughly, pushing you down slightly back to the balls of your feet

‘i already knew that, brat. now go and sit over there and be comfortable or whatever while i go get the food’

he hurriedly turned to hide his growing red face but you stopped him

‘iwa-san,,, ano,,, can,, i borrow a hoodie?’

you mumbled, nervously thinking he might refuse

but he grunted a response, not bothering to turn around

‘take your pick’

you smiled and thanked him before bounding over to the wardrobe that was pushed against the wall across his bed that was against the corner by his window

inside had so many hoodies and there were also shirts that were hung up on the other half

they were all graphic tees that either had american bands or anime or game references

opting for a mint green hoodie that says ‘SONIC NYOOM’, you had an undershirt under your button up and as you slipped the bloodied long sleeve off, he swung the door open, eyes focused on the tray of coke filled glasses

then he looked up and almost dropped it at the sight of you,,, like that

‘OH MY GOD SORRY’

he shrieked and carefully but hurriedly backtracked back to the hallway

ofc you were shocked too but you quickly put the hoodie on and went to get him

iwaizumi’s heart was hammering in his chest and he was VERY red with embarrassment

how could he see you like that?!

a girl who wasnt his shouldnt be seen like that by his eyes!

a touch on his arm reminded him of his position and he was still holding the tray but it was clear from the liquid in the cups that he was shaking slightly

‘iwa-san, its okay. i still had a shirt on so dont misunderstand’

you reasoned and he nodded, still not looking at you

the beginning of the movie was quite awkward as you both were sitting next to each other on the floor, backs against his mattress while the laptop played godzilla in front of yall

but it seems it was just him who was feeling this way bc you were intrigued at this weird monster that was squshing building under its foot and you continued munching on the food

iwa stood up and coughed

‘im going to take a shower’

you paused it and stared up at him, a chip halfway in your mouth

‘oh? you want me to wait for you?’

he agressively shook his head

‘no! its okay i watched it already. just,,,, watch it’

at the end, his words came out jumbled in his hurry to go and calm his heart down

you shrugged and unpaused the movie to continue watching

iwa spent his time in the shower, thinking and trying to think of stupid thoughts like the time oikawa almost choked on a peanut when they were in middle school to distract him of thoughts of how adorable you were

ONG HE WAS JUST SHOWERING AND INNOCENTLY DOING SHOWER THINGS

‘no, i said she was like a sister to me. and a sister she’ll remain’

okay ngl even though theyre not related, im worried yall would be like ‘iNcESt’ but bls a lot of people have tried to sibling-zoned people yet realized they liked them in THAT way

as he wrapped himself with a towel, he then realized

oh my god he didnt bring clothes

LMAO NOOOO IWAAAAA

iwa frantically looked around and he saw his mother’s sakura themed robe and he paused, arguing silently with him if he should wear it

well, it was either that or he went back into the room and showed you,,,,,, this

sucking in a sharp breath, he kept the towel around his waist and slipped his arms through the tight arm holes and he awkwardly tried to keep it tied since he was so much bigger than his tiny mom

what is happening

you saw the door opening and excitedly turned to tell him about this one scene when your voice died down in your throat at the sight of him

here was iwaizumi hajime, ultra muscle buff man who gets abs with a simple glance of the gym, wearing an all too-tight pink, cherry blossom print robe that was so tight the tie around it was shaking to keep it together

‘dont’

he whispered and that snapped your remaining surprise to double over in laughter

‘its so cute! iwa-san, youre so cute!’

you shrieked and he growled and hurriedly went to to grab grey sweatpants and a shirt before running straight back to the bathroom

when he finally came back out, his face was still red and he was pouting as he sat next to you back to his seat

he could feel you staring at him while looking constipated as you held your laugh in and the second your eyes met, your giggles fell out

iwa rolled his eyes

‘yes yes let it out’

‘hehe, iwa-san, i didnt know you had that style’

‘it isnt! i didnt want to walk in here practically naked with you in the room!’

he growled and you nodded, still not quite believing it

‘hai hai. just say you like pink, i wont tell’

you waved and iwa felt offended

‘what do you mean ‘hai hai’?! its really not!’

your lips pursed to keep more giggles in and iwa growled again before lunging to grab your sides and tickling you

of course being careful to not touch your wounds

you shrieked at the ticklish feeling and iwa laughed as you made weak attempts to push him off

‘huh? what was that? whatd you say? cant talk anymore, can ya?’

he teased

‘NO!!!! IWA-SAAAAN!!!!!’

you shouted in between your laughter and he finally let up when you squealed out your apologies and promised to never say it again

you breathed air into your lungs and sat back up to recollect yourselves

iwa saw the strands that escaped your bun and they were scattered everywhere looking messy with your flushed cheeks and teary eyes

oh my god you were beautiful

he was so happy that you still kept that smile despite what happened and he was going to fight to keep it there

forever

it was about nearly the end when you finally realized how different iwaizumi’s hair looked

‘oi, iwa-san, your hair is not naturally spiky?’

he continued eating the chips while still watching the movie

‘what would you expect? even shittykawa’s hair is like this. did ya know that he wakes up extra early to curl it into that shitty mess?’

your jaw dropped

‘EEEHHHH???!!!!!!!’

later, you asked him how he does his hair for school and he blindly reached for the gel that was resting on his desk before tossing it to you

‘here’

you looked at it and flickered over to his hair and then you had the greatest realization

‘GODZILLA-SAMA!’

you pointed and he stopped eating, turning to give you a confused look

‘ha?’

you shrieked in an another round of laughter

‘IWA-SAN LIKES GODZILLA-SAMA SO MUCH HE DOES HIS HAIR AFTER HIM!!!!’

you doubled over to the floor, clutching your stomach and iwaizumi’s flustered expression made you laugh harder

he knew you were smart but,,, not this smart

you figured out his secret

the secret he’s hidden since he was practically a toddler

even his best friend, the guy hes known since he was born, never made the connection

yet here you are, figuring it out not even a year of knowing him

was this part of the many reasons he,, felt his heart beat for you?

oikawa was relieved that you had the bright twinkle in your eyes the next time he saw you and you were actively talking to iwaizumi in that early morning practice

‘oh? y/n-chan, is iwa-chan your best friend now?’

he tried not to sound jealous for his own best friend’s closeness to you and he added a teasing smile for extra measure

okay that hurted me a bit

iwaizumi snarled and blasted the volleyball towards his face before he could even yell or shout

‘iwa-san, dont do that’

you chided softly, small hands wrapping around his muscly arm

but iwa patted your head

‘deserving people deserve things to happen to them’

you rolled your eyes but smiled at him

‘hai hai’

the next week, iwa still kept a close eye on you in case someone else decided to mess with you

but you told him that you swear youd tell him if someone did and he trusts you so he backed off a little

one day, he was eating lunch with the other third years in their classroom when you busted through the door, excitedly holding your phone

‘iwa-san! i figured out what country your flag was!’

he was halfway of shoving rice in his mouth when iwa looked at you

‘oh? you couldve just asked me though?’

you pouted and went to pull a chair from another desk to sit beside him

‘nooo. i wanted to work for that information. so you’re from the philippines, iwa-san?’

he nodded proudly

‘yep’

your eyes shone with interest

‘really?! you look japanese so it must be one of your parents. hey, iwa-san, which island are you from? i read about them and they have like 7641 islands-’

the others watched as you read through the article in your phone and iwa wasnt even following your words, instead staring at you with a dazed look and a lovesick smile

mattsun, makki, and oikawa exchanged looks of surprise because in all the years theyve known him especially oikawa, iwa was never interested in girls and such

he was a straight forward man with goals and straight sight to get them done with no distractions like relationships or love

yet here he was

slowly falling in love with you without even knowing he is

he continued to fall with the simplest things about you

from the perfume that you wore everyday to the way you would tuck your hair behind your ear when you were talking to someone

little quirks he used to miss was now being noticed even if you were right behind him and not in his line of vision

now, the boys were starting to see the difference of their precious ace

it was as if when he started to like you, they knew immediately by how he was acting

then one day during practice, you were late and they were all looking around for you and when they couldnt find you, they met back in the gym with nervous looks

iwa was already pacing around, a scary aura radiating off of him, and kindaichi, who went with him to look around the school, warned the others of iwaizumi’s worry

‘he was slamming doors open and he was walking so fast i had to run to even keep up with him’

then you busted through the gym door

you were actually picking up food for the team and sweets and you were held up when makki’s puffs were still being cooked

they rallied around you to make sure you werent hurt and you assured them but iwa pulled them away like picked them up and threw them off to the side and took you in his arms

iwa thought you were hurt and he was so worried something happened to you again

the hug was bone-crushing with how hard he was squeezing you but you felt his worry though and you freed your arms to wrap them around his neck

‘im okay, iwa-san’

you whispered in his ear and he nodded

‘let me hold you for a second’

he mumbled and you nodded

‘oi, theres food in the bags so make sure you eat it all. coach paid for it all so dont leave behind anything’

the mention of the food distracted them from you and iwa and they piled on top of each other to reach their food first

iwa was grateful that you distracted the others from seeing him being vulnerable towards you

‘i thought-’

‘shh,,, you have me right here, right now. safe and sound’

you knew how much seeing you all battered messed him up and his attempt of making you forget about it has been

and his worry of you being gone without no sign of where you went will forever be there and he will always have that thought in the back ofhis mind

the next time you came over, you actually met his parents

since you went home early before, you didnt catch his parents when they came home around 10 minutes after you left

but this time, they were already home with his mom cooking dinner while his father was sitting on the dining chair reading a newspaper

iwa walked through the door, shouting he was home, and you did the same thing to be customary

oof his parents were surprised

his mom turned around to share a look of surprise with her husband

sure they havent seen tooru in a while but they were pretty sure his voice wasnt that high pitched

right?

‘hajime, did you hit tooru so much you ruined his-’

then his mother stopped talking at the sight of you holding iwa’s hand tightly when yall stepped around the corner

you sheepishly smiled at them and bowed your head in greeting

oh my

so this was why iwaizumi hajime-san was really really really handsome

his parents were freaking good looking

like his mother was aphrodite with her flawless melanin skin and doe shaped eyes with a mole under her left eye

and his father was like ares, so handsome yet still manly and his appearance was a special type of good-looking with his buffness and ruffed appearance

‘iwa-san, i didnt know your parents were gods’

you mumbled, still staring at them

iwaizumi choked and coughed, flustered

‘oh my!’

his mother placed a hand over her mouth

‘hello’

his father stood up to walk in front of you and held his hand out

‘i’m hajime’s father’

you let go of hajime’s hand to shake his own with both of your hands

‘really nice to meet you! i’m l/n y/n! seijoh volleyball manager! first year!’

you introduced then stepped aside to fully bow 90 degrees

iwaizumi thought it was so cute of how flustered you were at meeting his parents

‘ay nako! nak, i didnt know you had such a beautiful girlfriend!’

she squealed and hurriedly went to stand in front of you and gently grasped your arms to stand you back straight and took a good look at you

‘youre so beautiful, iha. nice skin, pretty eyes, ang ganda!’

even with your research of tagalog, you didnt quite understand what she was saying

iwa noticed your slightly confused expression and he laughed, tucking his hands in his pockets

‘sorry, my nay speaks in taganese when she gets excited’

‘t-taganese?’

‘tagalog and japanese’

you nodded in understanding

it was time to put your basic reserach to test

‘hello po’

you greeted her and nervously took her hand and pressed the back of it to your forehead before slowly lowering it down and letting go

her wide eyes made you think you did something bad or even offensive!

‘i-i’

‘HAY NAKO, HAJIMEE~!’

she shrieked

‘YUNG-!!! YUNG-!!!’

okay im terrified

iwa noticed his mother’s malfunction and gently wrapped his arm around her shoulder and veered her back to her kitchen

‘sorry about her, l/n-chan. its just,,,, hajime hasnt brought home a girl before. and you doing that mustve done it in for her’

you worriedly watched hajime calm his mom down with a smile and talking to her hushed

in their perspective,,,

‘shes so nice, nak! marry her, okay? shes very pretty and she made an effort to please your nanay, so go and marry her!’

ohmylord im nervous

initially, iwa only wanted to go and hang out with you and watch a movie

not have a full dinner with his family

lmao i shouldve told you that youve been friends for months now

his mother cooked sinigang and adobo and more filipino dishes, adding even more when she saw you were joining them

the dining table was covered with a large plate full of food and you were so fascinated because this was a side of iwa that you wanted to know more about

‘wow!’

you said, not thinking, at the deep-fried fish that still had its eyeballs intact

iwa genuinely thought you would’ve shyed away from it in disgust but your eyes were glistening with genuine interest

‘iwa-san! youre so lucky you get to eat this stuff!’

you told him, looking over at his direction

while mrs iwaizumi was lading in the soup into the big bowl, mr iwaizumi was sitting at the dining table, watching your interaction and hajime telling you what each food was and your noises of surprise

he watched his son laugh when you said the palabok reminded you of the orange boy hinata

and he also watched his son look at you so lovestruck and exactly like how he looks at his wife

soon, his mother finished and they rounded the table before saying a quick prayer to bless the food and digging in

‘so, what do you want to start with, iha?’

mrs iwaizumi asked and your wide eyes looked around

‘hm, im not sure. whats your favorite iwa-san?’

you looked to your right towards hajime who was busy eating and stopped before pointing his lips towards a direction

‘that one’

‘hah?’

you asked

mrs iwaizumi laughed at her son’s actions

‘sorry, l/n-chan, my son has adapted my traits. he was pointing to this, adobo. do you want some?’

‘yes please’

the smell made your mouth water and you started to tuck in

maybe it was your managerial instincts, but you used your napkin to wipe hajime’s lips and he was also used to this and turned his head to make it easier for you then he went to grab the water jug and re-fill your glass

once it was done, you both silently went back to eating

his parents watched his exchange and it was like watching a married couple taking care of each other

‘so, l/n-chan, you said you were their manager’

mr iwaizumi started and you nodded, wiping your lips

‘yes. i have been for a while now and please, call me y/n’

‘hajime actually told us he had a new manager for his team and tooru told us too. but we didnt know you were a girl. its just so interesting for hajime to bring you home as he has never really had any female friends’

mrs iwaizumi’s comment made you chuckle and iwa’s eyes widened in embarassment

‘nay! of course ive had female friends! ive had friends from all genders!’

he reasoned but you teasingly smiled at him

‘ah, im not really surprised. iwa-san doesnt exactly have the appearance that girls are brave enough to approach’

he sent you a betrayed glance

‘hah?! what’s that supposed to mean?!’

you shrugged, going back to your food

‘im just saying that you always have this intense look in your eyes and youre always frowning. but its cute so its fine. and besides, i dont think theyve seen you laugh since you dont really smile a lot, iwa-san’

‘but you’ve seen me smile!’

‘eung. but its only to me. if they knew the stuff i knew like you being a godzilla fan or your collection of succelents, theyd see you like oikawa-san’

‘HAH?! YOU SEE ME LIKE SHITTYKAWA?!’

mrs iwaizumi held her husband’s hand on the table as they watched you both bicker and tease each other with a smile

hajime has always been on the rougher side of things and he doesnt really have many close friends other than the team and even then, tooru is the only one he can really be himself around

yet here you are, bringing out the boy hajime really is and making him laugh, a sound his parents dont really hear outside the house

and your eyes

god, your eyes held admiration, life,,,, and you might not know this yet,, but love

her eyes trailed her son who teasingly headbutted you and you faking a surprise and doing the same

then you heard his father’s cough which brought you back to where you were and the situation and the people that were there

you felt embarrassment creeping up inside you and you bowed

‘im sorry for acting like that, iwaizumi-san. i-’

‘no, dont apologize, darling. please, dont’

her soft smile made the nerves in you ease and hajime’s father winked at him and he knew exactly what his father was trying to say

after dinner, you volunteered to wash the plates but they veered you away from there and towards the living room

‘oh my god, pops! stop her!’

hajime whined because he knows what his mother was going to do

she was going to show him his baby pictures

you sat on the beige couch and watched as she reached under the coffee table and revealed a few albums that had iwaizumi hajime written on the cover

‘now, y/n-chan, hajime wasnt always this pouty. in fact, he used to always have a smile on his face and laughed at the littlest things! like right here! a leaf fell on him and he-’

stories of his childhood was exchanged throughout the night and you were laughing so hard that tears were falling out of your eyes while hajime wrapped your shoulders with his arm and he would squeeze you tightly whenever you made fun of him

‘oh dear! iwa-san! you-!’

you didnt finished as you continued to laugh and he sighed

‘nay, can we go eat dessert now?’

he asked his mother and she was beginning to feel sorry for him so she smiled and nodded

‘okay. hajime, come help me’

‘iwaizumi-san, i can-’

‘no, y/n-chan. dont you worry your pretty little head about anything and just look through more of these pictures’

hajime followed his mother to their kitchen before she stopped and turned around

his mother’s height was around 5′1 so she had to look up to meet his eyes and her hands were clasped around his biceps

she is definitely beautiful and he cursed at how little he got from his mother other than her skin color

mrs iwaizumi married her husband and immigrated to japan to have a family and your polite action from earlier moved her as she hasnt experienced that in nearly 2 decades

‘nay, shes,,,, just a friend’

he reasoned, a wobbly smile to cover up his want for that title to change

yet mothers def knows best and saw right through it

she gave him a firm look with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips

‘nak, dont lie to yourself. i raised you to never tell a lie and lying to yourself is considered lying to someone. she’s not your KAibigan, shes your kaIBIGan’

now, hajime knew a little bit of tagalog as his mother made sure he was able to at least speak to his relatives back home

so he got a hint of what she was saying yet was confused

then he realized it

his blush creeped up his neck and he chuckled, ducking his head low to avoid his mother’s eyes

‘nak, listen to me. papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. youre still growing and you may be confused right now, but make sure to think wisely and dont live with regrets. nanay doesnt want you to go through it all by yourself since she knows how hard it was. so please, listen to me and pursue her. shes special, hajime. she makes you so, so happy. i see it in your eyes, her eyes, god has fated you together. i feel it’

now if a filipino mother actually tells their son to go after a girl, thats a pretty big thing as its known that mothers are the hardest to convince and are fiercely protective of their sons, especially if its an only son, but mrs iwaizumi literally tells hajime to go court you because she sees how happy you make him and is willing to let hajime go to you

definitely his mother’s words stuck to him and as he walked you home, he was busy thinking that he was quiet and you were worried as he would be talking right now

‘iwa-san? you okay?’

you asked and he blinked, taken back to reality from his daydream

‘hm, yea’

he answered to look at you

hes been pining for months now and he slipped his hand into yours, holding it tightly

uwu if you want to see iwa moments with y/n, read through the seijoh manager series as theres a lot of them in there

he wanted you yet, he knew it would be selfish of him to keep you in the future

he would be a college student while you’re in your 2nd year

would you want to be so far away from him?

could you handle it?

‘yanno, iwa-san, your dad told me something interesting’

you suddenly said, squeezing his hand and kicking rocks while looking up at the night sky

‘what was it? something embarrassing?’

he immediately feared that they told you that story when he was still potty training and he fell straight into the toilet

‘hmm,,, no. he told me that he met your nanay when she was a high school student and he was a in an intern at your lolo’s company’

iwa listened and he had a smile at how you said the tagalog word for grandfather

‘he said she almost ran him over by her bike and she fled but they met again when she visited your lolo. through that, they became friends and then she confessed to him. apparently, he declined because she was younger than him, although just 3 years, and he was leaving for his own country in a few months so he didnt know if she would wait for him’

were,,,, you reading his mind?

iwa knew of his parents story yet with you telling it, it sounded a million times more interesting

‘yet she promised him. thats it, just a promise. that she would remain faithful to him, she would keep herself for him and when she finally graduates, she would go and find him and they could be happy together. he said it was the longest 3 years of his life yet when he saw in the airport, he felt like the wait was worth it. because he gets to hold the embodiment of happiness in his arms for the rest of his life’

you finished and he hummed

‘times have changed, y/n’

‘even you?’

you stopped walking and he naturally stopped too

‘would you wait for me like he did if i promised myself to you? if i promised you that despite the few years of waiting, i would still be yours and remain yours until we’re ready to be together?’

WHAT IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!

iwa’s heart was drumming in his chest and he wanted so desparately to look at you in the eyes but you were making that impossible as your head was bowed and your eyes were fixed on the concrete you both stood on

‘of course, i would’

your head snapped up and e/c clashed with olive eyes

‘i would wait for you. we may,,, be young right now. and they might think we’re,,, being impulsive. but i dont care. because right now, all that matters, is you and me. we can think about the consequences later, but right now, i just want to kiss you’

he admitted, red ears seen by the moonlight

your body shook

‘do it, no balls’

well,,,, he has the balls

and under the moon, at 8:34 pm, iwaizumi hajime kissed you

OML THIS REMINDS ME OF THAT SEIJOH SHORT WHEN HE WAS TALKING TO OIKAWA AND HIS NEIGHBORS ARE LIKE ‘AH SHITE HERE WE GO AGAIN’

it didnt come as a surprise to the team when yall announced your relationship

well,, you both actually didnt tell them outright until like weeks later

what can you say?

you and iwa are very private people and you dont really like to show off in public

even though yall lit rally are stuck to the hip and he does things that he doesnt even think hes doing but he is totally doing

you were only caught by,,, guess who

mrs iwaizumi

it was weeks when she met up with mrs oikawa bc theyre totally best friends and thats why their sons are best friends

she told her of her son’s girlfriend and how sweet you were and how mrs oikawa should be jealous that her son doesnt have a girlfriend like that and the standards for oikawa’s future girlfriend was raised just by that teasing

oikawa literally came into after school practice after a phone call with his mother, fuming

you were talking to kindaichi and yahaba with iwa beside you, arm around your waist totally not obvious guys

and yall just saw an angry oikawa stomping towards yall

‘y/n-chan, iwa-chan, why the hell did my mom just call me and tell me that im not allowed to bring home a girl if she doesnt have h/c with s/c (skin color) and e/c and h/m (height measurement)?’

you shrugged

‘oikawa-san, i’ve never even met your mom before’

but iwa had a hunch

‘ahh,,,, my mom mustve been bragging to your mom. yanno how they are’

oikawa shot him a disbelieving look

‘IWA-CHAN! ITS BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU GOT A GIRLFRIEND AND I DONT! BUT ITS WORSE THAT YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS AFFECTING MY FUTURE ONE!’

he ranted, completely unaware that he just outed your entire relationship to the team

tbh they werent even surprised

like they were all ‘damn now shes taken. but cant say i didnt see that coming’

they took it pretty well too

they know how iwa is and they literally respect this mans and if anything, out of the whole team, he is the best candidate for your boyfriend

dating iwa is totally normal and yall just have increased touches?? like i dont know how to explain like he’s constantly holding your hand or arm around your waist or shoulder etc

literally nothing changed

you still have dinners at his house and iwa also knows your family and all that

and the most important thing is,

he kept that promise

even when he was literally at the other side of the world,

he still remained yours and you kept your own promise and waited patiently for his return

OOOOO TIMESKIP IWAIZUMI HAJIME (27) ATHLETE TRAINER

a little girl with bouncing dark brown hair was giggling as she maneuvered herself around the tall people

a shout from her parents and little sister was only making her run faster until she crashed into the legs of the person she’s been looking for

his blue jersey was similar to hers and she raised her arms up with a bright smile

‘uncle!’

she yelled and he chuckled before hoisting her up to his arms

‘ah, reyna-chan, didnt mom and dad tell you to wait for them? look! tala-chan is crying because you left her’

she followed his finger to her little sister, who was in her father’s arms, crying and reaching out for her

‘nee-chan!’

she screeched

finally, her parents were there and you were scolding her for running off

‘reyna, just dont do that again’

you said and she nodded, pouting and holding her uncle’s thumb

‘thank you, tooru-san. i dont know what i would do if she got lost’

oikawa grinned then gently patted the hat-covered head of the newborn baby girl that was strapped to your chest

‘hehe, its okay, y/n-chan. after all! uncle is always there to save reyna-chan!’

she shrieked when he held her up and hajime shook his head in his antics

‘where’s the others? i saw them in the stands but-’

he was cut off when he heard the shouts and yells from the other side that could only belong to your boys

‘woooo!!!!’

kindaichi’s voice echoed through the place and mattsuhana were rushing to greet their goddaughters

tala shyly accepted the arms of mattsun while makki was squealing quietly when darna was holding his finger tightly as she slept

‘taka-san, wanna hold her? she’s easier to hold when she’s sleeping’

‘oh can i?’

his eyes held the stars as the 11-month-old raised her fist then lowered it back down, sleep still heavy on her

‘waaa~ darna-chan is growing really quickly’

kunimi whispered, peering over his senpai to look at the baby whos eyes kept fluttering

you chuckled while looking at oikawa and him playfully bouncing reyna

‘tooru-san, congratulations on your win. it seems you’ve beaten hajime this time’

you complimented and the brunette smiled brightly at you, adjusting the little girls in his arms

‘ei, y/n-chan, i’ll beat him next time, and next time and the next time!’

every time he said ‘next’ he gave his goddaughter a kiss on her cheek making her giggle

your husband was pouting at the reminder of japan’s loss and you reached over to wrap your arms around him causing hajime to turn his head away from you

‘aww, my 4th baby is sad now’

you cooed and cupped his face delicately on your hands making him sulk and whine

the others, watching the scene, continue to be surprised at this side of their captain that remains to only be caused by you

‘ugh, nearly a decade later and theyre still sappy’

yahaba gagged and watari slapped his back

‘let them be happy’

‘come on! im in the mood for spaghetti! you like spaghetti, tala-chan?’

‘eung!’

mattsun cheered with kindaichi and she raised her hands to share the same energy

once everyone was situated in a restaurant and ordered, small talks were shared around the table of the past

‘haha, spaghetti is how your baba found out about you, tala-chan’

yahaba’s comment made the walking group laugh at the memory of seeing the video you sent in the seijoh group chat

‘i wanted to be creative with my second child since my firstborn was revealed by this loudmouth’

oikawa winced at the indirect diss at him

‘y/n-chan! i was really excited to find out i was going to be an uncle!’

‘youre already an uncle, bakakawa!’

hajime has toned down the insults to keep it pg for the children

‘but-!’

they started to argue, the oldest daughter looking disinterested as she sees this happening or hearing it whenever her dad and uncle video chat

‘it took me forever to find a ‘prego’ pasta sauce in the grocery store like i dont know why. was there a shortage?’

you complained, remembering the frustration

your fellow first years snickered at you and kindaichi prodded fun at you

‘is that why you just outright told him you were pregnant the day you found out?’

you rolled your eyes and watched makki and mattsun and tala watch the youngest as she wiggled her fists in the air and was awake enough to babble ‘makki’ over and over again

that was her first word and although she is now able to say a few words, she still repeats her first word over and over again

‘we had a fight and it just came out so of course i didnt have time to prepare!’

you defended and hajime finished his antics with oikawa just as you said that

‘what-what was your words again? ‘i really want to push you off the roof right now but i want my baby to meet their bastard father first?’‘

you gasped at that regretful statement and punched him in the arm

‘hajime! stop!’

you whined and covered your face with the sleeves of your his hoodie

‘hehe, y/n, you should do that again’

kyotani teased and you glared at him

‘shut up kyotani’

eyebrows were raised

‘eh? are you more hormonal?’

‘do you realize you already have 3 daughters?’

‘iwaizumi-san really wants to have a volleyball team family’

‘at least wait a year and a half, you animals’

‘so,, like hes that good huh?’

hajime growled and leaned over to intimidate but you snarled and jumped on your feet, being held back by the arms by kindaichi and hajime to stop yourself from leaping across the table to kill yahaba

‘keep talking like shite and i’ll make sure none of you become the godfather of this baby’

okay what

one, did you just curse

and two, this baby?!

‘im big sister again?!’

reyna ruined the surprised silence and then chaos ensued

‘WHAT!’

‘BABY?!’

‘THIS BABY?!’

you just realized what you said and smirked at the chaos you created and sat back down, leaning on the back of the chair and smugly taking a sip of your water

‘oh the power i hold in my hands’

you teased and oikawa pointed at you

‘when! how long!’

you looked at hajime who was so shocked that his eyes glazed over and a passerby wouldve thought he was dead

‘apparently 3 months’

oikawa started counting and his eyes widened at that thought

‘you-! you stayed in argentina! in my house! my house-!’

‘yep. both of them created under your house’

what

!!!!!

hajime fainted

oikawa screamed

a/n: okay i admit i got a little too carried away with this one. i just love filo!iwa and this was mostly written in his pov bc cmon we all know we love iwa and fell in love w him the moment we saw him

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serpents-den · 3 years

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Honestly, over time, I have become convinced the only person Sirius would’ve had a potential romantic attachment to is James. I know people bring up the ‘they’re like brothers’ all the time but also discredit the Remus and Sirius’s descriptions as brotherly in the same breath. But Sirius and James seemingly never fought and Sirius was the only person James stopped showing off too. And if I’m being honest, Sirius and Remus act more like brothers. They fight, they distrust one another, they get jealous of the other (taken from remus’s bio). I honestly don’t get why wolfstar got as popular as it did. I’m assuming the POA movie made it more popular but literally it’s the most fetishized mlm ship I have seen in this fandom. And toxic shippers are so convinced of its existence they create falsehoods to attack those who disagree out of spite. Honestly there are better things to worry about and it’s just become ridiculous.

yes ! sirius and remus are friends and shit like im not taking that from anyone because from canon moments that's obvious . yet they have such a messy past of suspicion and distrust, they clinged onto each other for emotional stability because each reminded the other of better times where they were friends and james was still alive.

however, when it comes to james and sirius, that loyalty that ia between them it kind of reminds me of severus and lily. no, i am not saying both relationships have to be looked at from a romantic aspect, i personally like to think of severus and lily's bond as an almost sibling one. it's just, james was probably the light, the scapegoat for sirius when he was ready to cut ties with his family, he was someone he relied on, he trusted and loved. hell, they literally had the wizarding equivalent of facetiming, like they just couldn't have enough of each other ! i loved that from them (because yes, i know it sounds like i hate the marauders 24/7 but being honest in most of my hp fanfics ive always written them just better behaved and becoming friends with both lily and severus at some point).

sirius lived with james potter for seven years and the boy was probably at the highest place in the ranking of loved ones he had. hell i know now its common to write regulus and sirius having a good brotherly bond, but like canon sirius would throw good ol' reggie under the bus for james any day.

anyway by this point im just ranting. yes, i see remus and sirius' relationship more to be a friendship/brotherly bond, but the fact they both were clearly not in perfect mental health condition proves to me that they clinged onto each other, dismissing their muddy past because im sure as hell they did not have that conversation, because they needed some ground to step on without feeling it creak.

we were friends, we still are, we made mistakes, both of us. you remind me of our times at hogwarts — when james was still alive. (my take on both of them)

to be honest, james really was the glue of the marauders, remus probably liked james better than sirius (james understood the financial problems he was having due to his lycanthropy and helped him, siriua exposed him to the kid they had bullied for years) and its obvious sirius liked james more than remus. okay the latter is not fair, sirius prefers james over anyone.

POA was ... a good movie i think, watching it as a kid was amazing bc everyone just had a glow up. like yes, we were reminded of puberty and now they looked way more mature from COS. we were introduced more vital people in harry's life and his parents', hell voldemort was pretty much SILENTTT during third year. it doesn't take a genius to think of why this movie, the book was from the start such a comfort for the public. i, however, hated it. snape had been one character i was interested in from the start, in POA, he was just in so kuch distress, it reminded me of my own panic attacks at a time.

so everyone liked POA, and everyone loves to fetishize gay men, gay relationships, homosexual males. that's what people do. they saw two grown men with a past, they had been separated for long, they had hugged when they encountered each other again. everyone was bound to go head over heels for the new shippable couple.

in my experience in this fandom, i probably have seen drarry the most fetishized pairing. which okay, i don't want to ship shame anyone unless it's for obvious reasons (toxic, age gaps too large for comfort, pedophilia, etc) but like draco stamped the shit out of harry i dont know how you people think life works but i would never let that be and then proceeded to eat their mouth.

either way wolfstar is weird for me, i simply read the books and not think theyd do well together at all. also there's fans that now live by fanon and make shit up and dismiss canon occurrences and will hold fanfics as canon material and then be extremely defensive about their shit. either way some of yall don't know shit about fandom etiquette and it SHOOWWWSSS.

#serpents den's asks #anti wolfstar #i think #idek #remus lupin #harry potter #hp #sirius black #james potter

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sjw-publishings · 4 years

Text

Stay Straight Babe

“Im so glad I still have my lovely boyfriend with me during Quarantine, Amirite Cherry?”

“Yeah...hehe, so glad to have Sammie with me too...”

Anton, the Drama Queen laughed with his lesbian shy bookworm bestie as they discussed about theatre and all about. Of course, they would’ve invited their lovers along, but they were too busy being techno geeks and talking computer games in their gaming rooms.

“Did you have lunch yet?”

“Yeah, tried takeout from that famous Chinese restaurant downtown! Was super good!”

“Oh my god! Me too sistah!!!”

“OooooooAHHHH!”

A large groan came from their study, where his boyfriend’s currently at. Anton naturally looked concerned for his boyfriend.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know! But something came from Sammie’s room too...”

“Yeah! I gotta check Kenny, Brb!”

Ending the call, Anton left the bedroom, and headed his way outside the study, about to open the door, but then a loud masculine voice rumbled from behind the door.

“Samantha? You’re just such a great fri... girlfriend... eungh so hot...”

Samantha? Who is that....But more importantly, why would his friend...boyfriend be moaning to a lady? Is he...cheating on him? But that can’t be, his geeky nerd cutie is as queer as a three dollar bill! But still, he had to check it out....that deep voice certainly did not sound like a nerd’s...

“SO HOT!”

As Anton walked into the room, his eyes widened at the pile of clothes and tossed garments on the ground. Large XL sandblasted jeans, track pants, sneakers. Tons of sports posters and trophies decorating the shelves, and a large television screen playing the latest soccer match...though for some reason, he vaguely recalled seeing football and baseball at intervals.

But it definitely did not look like a study room...despite him initially thinking that it was. Alongside a couple of dart boards, some sports equipment, and a pool table, seemed like a recreation room...but since when could they afford...

“oooooOOOOAAAAAAHHH!”

A large moan came from the couch, as Anton came to the front of it, all his eyes focused on was an incredibly muscular asian hunk man-spreading in bliss, dressed in a white tee with an iconic sporting good logo in the front, left hand gripping his cellphone while his right hand dug deep into his clean white boxers. The man panted out of relief, and relaxation, like a weight lifted off his shoulders. Whispering into branded phone with his deep husky, asian tone.

“Stay Straight Babe~”

CLICK!

So hot...NO! Anton get a hold of yourself! Who was this Asian man? Where was his roommate? He had to get questions, even if this...extremely hunky cutie, looked so sexy dazed and looking up.

“What?...Who are you!”

The Asian man snapped out of his trace, eyes opened...but ever so slightly. He was asian after all, but he was chill...in control. Still leaning back on the couch, he looked at Anton, puzzled, before looking down at his exposed boxers and then back at the stranger. His mind cleared up in an instant, forcing out a-

“Kevin Lang, Fag!”

The man said it, and gave that signature sarcastic response from only a jock bully like him. Smirking condescendingly, he was in charge, and that theatre gay started to tremble.

“Listen Queer, I know you’re thirsty and all for men during this. But some of us got girlfriends who we can’t visit. So stop being a WUSS and deal with it.”

“I...wasn’t...I...”

Now this really pissed him, not even caring about the stickiness on his right hand, or that he had a pitched tent. All he knows now is to deal with this gay of a roommate who spied on him and his girlfriend. The tall 6ft 2 jock cornered Anton to the door.

“Go jerk to your boyfriend or something...oh that’s right! Even a FAG like you doesn’t have one!”

Anton was in tears, he remembered the countless dates that he had, alongside the taunts made by this douchebag Kevin who somehow managed to wolf his way into his life throughout college. He had to get out of there..., quickly opening the door and running back to the bedroom, locking it.

“I...I have to call Cherry...”

As he typed for her number, a sudden ringing notification popped up for the name Chelsea. Must be a typo when he was saving Cherry’s contact right? Cause that number definitely was Cherry’s.

“Anton....”

“What happened?”

Almost suddenly, his mind shrugged off of whatever his homophobic roommate had said. His best friend was weak right now, he had to help her.

Gripping ahold of the phone, he didn’t notice the warm tanned spot spreading on his palms, down his wrists every second as he held the cellphone.

“Samantha...called me a dyke.”

“Samantha?”

“You know! My roommate, the one that’s dating yours!”

It made sense now, the two of them bonded over how much they despised their roommates bullying...and the strangeness of how the douchebag jock and queen bee couple somehow always interfered in their respective love lives...

Clutching the phone tighter, his wrists tightened as definition thickened his forearms. Curling his biceps subconsciously, toning strongly till they were the size of baseballs.

“Yeah Kevin was such a douche, had to defend myself from him tryin’ to whoop me...”

“Yeah, had to backflip and dodge Samantha’s attacks. Didn’t feel good knowing she still holds a grudge about me being a dyke.”

Heh, he knew his best friend could handle herself. She was still a cheerleader in training, but could whoop Samantha’s arrogant butt anytime. Must also be her half asian genetics like his.

Sitting up straighter, Aiton’s broad shoulders filled out his sweater, which almost ripped if it was not for that white stain sealing up the cracks. That white stain...which came from Kevin...right? Was there a stain?

The white coloration spread all across the attire, shrinking up the sleeves to simply resting just below his shoulders, accentuating his large biceps which he proudly admired. Alongside his large back which occupied his entire bed...wait, didn’t he?

Taking a closer look at his bedroom...wait, looking DOWN at his bedroom. He was on the upper bed of a double decker, with training equipment at the side and a couple of sports memorabilia which looked reminiscent of the recreational room.

Yeah of course that douchebag Kevin had to have most of the room with his crap...though it was not all bad. He worked out quite often during his spare time...outside of that artsy degree he had no idea why he took...did he take an artsy degree? He shrugged, doesn’t matter, he worked out.

Anyways it showed, leaning back and taking full charge of the entire bed. At least he was the alpha HERE! Listening to what his best friend spoke...though she was mostly talking about drama with her roommate, not the kind of thing he was interested in.

But he always liked her voice...

“At least...I think I like girls? But that was an accident! I don’t like Samantha!”

Aiton nodded, unsure of what to say, but felt...pretty cool about it. Crossing his legs, as he saw those large trunks that trained...almost like for years. They which reached the end of the bedside, as those khakis lengthened and stretched into XL sweatpants...gotta snatch that back his junk from Kevin later, but not now. He was cool, now. Kicking off his large trainers which went-

CLUNK CLUNK!

As they hit the floor, wiggling his size 12 feet beneath those white socks. Kevin could insult him all he wants later, it was his room too. The fledgeling Jock can say whatever he wants to anybody, and he says-

“You were like ‘I think I like girls’, sounded pretty dyke to me.”

Aiton smirked, teasing the cheerleader from across the phone. He always liked doing that, he was in charge after all.

He knew how icky the two cheerleaders felt towards homosexuals...but then again, wasn’t he a bit rude towards them as well? Not as bad as Kevin but an occasional joke here and there meant nothing right?

“Who you callin’ dyke, Fag?”

“Who you callin’ Fag, Dyke?”

Okay...maybe he didn’t like being called Fag either. But it was just insults between him, Cherlse, and Kevin and Samantha. Anyone else and they answer TO HIS FISTS....except maybe ladies...especially hot babes.

He began to palm himself, and as he kneaded his hard rocket, he sneered in disgust over a rainbow wristband on his wrist. He blinked, in its faggy place was a white sports watch. His rocket doubled up in size, while darkening in tan, its always time to be a Jerk, just like his Bro Kevin.

“You know i get weak when you use my own words~”

Cherlsea opened up her phone webcam, and Aidon did the same. Both smirking at the other. The Jock knew it was always ladies first, but he was a Jerk so-

“Oh damn...she’s hot!”

“Of course I am, do I still look pretty dyke to you~?”

Watching her seductively pose on her bed, it felt like ages since he had seen a woman like that! In that revealing tank and double Ds he could just!

SQUEEZE!

“Oooaahhh!”

Squeezing his own chest, feeling rock solid muscle layering his nipples, pectorals filling his sports shirt massively like the man he was. Feeling those abdominals as a well deserved 6 pack emerged from years of crunches.

“I....I NEED RELEASE!”

“So hawt~”

“I...I AINT A FAG!”

“Course you aren’t hunky~you are so hawt, ooooooaaaaah!”

The Queen Bee’s second in command had let out her mating’s call, the asian babe was too much for the Douchebag Jock’s right hand man, and vice versa. As their desires linked up, with the help of a fortune cookie they ate prior, they were about to finally be set into motion.

Each of them felt a tight stinging to their holes simultaneously. As the Asian Jock’s butt hole tightened, the Cheerleader’s lady hole expanded. Like a trade of preferences, but that is not all.

As testosterone pumped in the man, churning larger sacks, as he watched his babe’s hair lengthen, his shrunk, and BUZZED off the sides and back, leaving a stylish gelled top, maintained with a pair of shavers, scissors, and his Bro. Not actually brothers, but they were asian , jocks, and total jerks. Wouldn’t be surprised if they were related.

Speaking of Asian, his tan had bathed his facial features alongside the rest of his body. Cleansing the GAY away from him as his jaw hardened into a fierce square. His lips snarled in momentary disgust, before his raising his cheeks, as that scowl shifted to an arrogant smirk as he watched his girlfriend do the same.

“Ooooaaaaaah~”

His brows complimented his prominent features, as they frowned, closing his eyes as his girlfriend’s moan was too much to bear...he needed RELEASE! RELEASE!

“OAAAAAAAH!”

Aidan Long expelled a thick goo from below, as his eyes gave way to a thin fierce asian dark brown. Staring into the ceiling in a haze...before the sounds of his lover’s panting sent him back to reality.

“Man...that feels good, but still miss our hot damn ‘Dragon and Empress’ sessions before all this happened.”

“Yeah totally...stuck with bestie the whole day is fun and all but...she and your douche roommate keep doing it all day.”

“Caught him jerkin’ off too jus now...”

“Whaaaaaat! Omg same, saw Samantha doing that too!”

“Course...nothin’ beats my empress...”

“Same for you too...my long muscular dragon.”

Almost instantly, the doors slammed open. Of course, Kevin had the spare keys to the bedroom too, and he was sneering right at the door.

“AND YOU SAY IM A FAGGOT!”

“SHADDUP KEV! YOU GAY!”

“NO YOU GAY!”

“HAHAHA!”

The two jocks laughed arrogantly, before sneering at each other. The two of them were thirsty, and they understood and respected that.

“Ohhh almost forgot, mwah mwah mwah!”

“Mwah mwah mwah back to you GAY!”

Kevin left the room, most likely going to order more of that Chinese take out or something. Doesn’t matter to Aidan though...he was friends with the man, but he wasn’t INTO INTO him.

“I swear this stay at home thing is turning me gay...”

“Oh there’s nothing wrong with some bonding sessions. Me and Samantha are pointing each other’s nails later on, and that isn’t DYKE!”

“Yeah, should probably binge watch soccer with that douche. Felt like We haven’t did a sports marathon in ages!...No homo of course.”

The two of them chatted for a while more, loving the company of the other intimately as they teased one another like the lovers they are.

But they eventually have to go to other stuff. And by stuff he wants to do, is CHILL.

“Love you hunky, talk to you l8r!”

The Jock simply posed to the camera,and spoke.

“Stay Straight Babe”

#gay to straight #g2s #mental change #jock #asian #racial change #dumber #gay #lib to cons #to #straight #nerdtojock #personality change #gay2straight #stay #babe #chinese

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misterbitches · 3 years

Text

I ship muren and li cheng bc i only saw it through gifs then i watched this episode cos i was like im only starting this show if they kiss im waiting and they did and it was nice and i got so anxious that i was about to fucking vomit. I really like them together. The top/bottom shit is dumb and i hope if they must mention it they all build a bridge and get over it so they can switch cos who gives a shit. I didnt realize how large they all are like most “tall” men on tv are lying. But bc that kid is so thin and tall and the other one (idk the stepbrother) is huge too. Li cheng is shorter than them both but more ~manly~ but still short so why doesnt he take a DICK UP HIS BUTT XD since that’s all that fucking matters and there’s only 2 genders and 2 eays to have sex lmao so nothing else otherwise ur screwed

Hd a terrible past couple of weeks personally and because i keep seeing my peopl eget murdered and things ripped from us ^_____^ anyway here’s Some libertatrian communist dumb bitch discoars so i’ll tag it:

keep in mind these are my opinions’”” when i engage in discourse. I am not the end all be all and I don’t need you to agree. There’s some shit I am non-negotiable on but thsi is just exchanging of information. Any authoratative tone I take on comes from my beliefs, my life, my experiences, and what I choose to cultivate as a person and an artist. I dont have control over your feelings, you do. If it hurts you then either tell me the issue and be PRECISE about it, understand that context matters which is why i type so much in engagement, and do not fucking lie or misconstrue my words. Do not call me western ever in your life either. I am a black-american. I have adhd and bc i am a black woman if ur automatically thinking im brolic i am accepting money in my paypal for ur wellbeing to get me to shut the fuck up.Thanks.

The stepbrothers storyline is stupid and lazy writing. I really want to counter people that say it’s written well and that it’s interesting because it isn’t. Even if it was illicit and fucked we can write a story out about this. Let’s rethink what they could have done shall we:

- become stepbrothers at about 16 and their parents mismanage the relationship and they fail in trying to get an integrated family together (this is what happened in the #iconic transit girls and that was fuckin’ weird but hey dude guess what we watched it and it was weird but not unethical and we know one is like 19 and the other is 21 and a girl so it’s like wow you avoided so much and handled their stepsister story very…….um lightly given the end lmao but it was there and people had AGENCY)

-OR you realize that freak is obsessed with him and then he realizes it and is like “bitch i swear to god” and in typical shtity trope BL fashion they can find a way from obsession, to loss and independence when you lose your obsession, to “love” if they choose

- have the fucked up shit but make it clear what the issues are and you literally cannot write your way out of it so do not try

But why can’t fucked up things be shown? Also this is realistic.

0. Well according to you but no one said that they can’t. So that’s on your interpretation of critique (that is, again, not bullying or harassment.) They can, i just gave plenty of scenarios in which it is affective and not just annoying to witness, trope-y, and frankly ridiculous and offensive. Sorry! They don’t do it well. You can come up with alternatives too. See #2 btw.

1. No it isn’t doing a good job of reflecting life because life has consequences. The exaggeration in drama doesn’t mean the arc shouldn’t be there. Almost always things that aren’t heavy with the message or meant to be sobering in a deep way are COMPELLING. The realism is the basis for art because we are human. This is not the way real humans act.

Someone said Tharn Type was mature and I had to laugh because no, no one acts that way and is “in love” if they act that way that means they fucking hate each other and they’re immature and frankly it’s just not that interesting for many of us to watch because the dramatization of the “realism” is fucking bonkers. That was such poor writing it is unbelievable and someone has the audacityt o say it’s how real adults act. Fucking murder me if I’m with someone for 7 years and we break up over a miscommunication and for some reason I am not as horny as my always horny boyfriend. The fuck? What kind of lives do you lead? Either you are not an adult or you are an adult who needs therapy.

I also hear the “realistic” argument but then people try and temper it with “but also it’s fiction.” What do you think fiction is? Why do you think filmmaking exists? Number one, it’s propaganda in the sense that you want others to buy into your presentation and see what you see. That means that the creators are telling people and influencing them WITH ART BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT IT IS about their feelings around a situation. That’s why it is imperative to be responsible as a filmmaker and artist and underline the deepness of creepiness if that’s what they want. If they want to relay that rape sometimes ok and psychos are crazy so they get boy (??!?!?!? BITCH?) then they achieved it with no innovative information. We know people get raped bc we are human beings and many of us live with that fear. You know, being the target demo and all. And bc BL loves that trope it’s rape fantasy peddled to young people and women. Just like shitty wattpad fics or NYT best sellers. Hooray, what now? Or are you trying to purport that this isn’t glorified fanfiction? Which it literally is

2. This is the issue with these shows. No one is saying that fucked up shit cannot be shown. There’s a film about a woman who is raped and she falls in love with her rapist (because he was masked but i think we find out later that she knows. Binoche is in it.) I have no desire for that film—i think it’s by a man and i extra dont care—but I hear it’s sort of powerful for many. I heard it was a good film. But the act itself is always eschewed and the conflict comes from how fucking ridiculous it is especially finding out that she knows. The power imbalance adn the possibility. They may not have handled it in a way I would have cared for but it was there.

There’s simply no imagination because these people do not care that much and aren’t great writers and filmmakers because they simply do not have to be. Sorry.

The industry doesn’t rely on the best they rely on efficiency (this is everywhere.) You can tell by the camera angles, the editing, the camera itself (idk if it is multicam but the flatness is typical soap flatness without the glowboxes to soften their faces.) Simple constant lighting. Now the surroundings are mostly beautiful. But even to some of the costumes. And those edits are abysmal, some of that camera work.

So with all that said even with the couple I extremely enjoy I see its (H4) faults. Add into that a lazily thrown together “shocking” love and if they are trying to get us to feel a type of way about its sexiness they fail. This is why movies like 50sog, 365 days, etc aren’t enjoyable to people because it’s fucking strange situations that they dont want to entangle or make enjoyable to viewers across the board. They know what people will take. It’s just that bitch what are we here for if even the sexiness isn’t there for ur stupid story.

At least with that teenager and 30 yr old man in MODC (which i do not love but i like them in theory if it wasnt totally repulsive to me and also if it was developed in a way that was good TO ME) they had their, er, “sex appeal” i talk about this as well the main couple in MODC to me, visually, was a miss. Not bc whatshisface was small and stuff but bc he was so sickly and they needed that to propel the story but it was just not appealing given how the story progressed. A missed opportunity in tying the two together besides making him look waif-y and sickly only to have the “did ur mom die in a car crash? No, cancer” type of move in not another teen movie. But the opposite. And not funny. Wayne tho????? GORL. Eggs. Cracked.

fandoms have a very warped sense of harrassment and discourse.

Most fandoms have harassers who are “protecting” the cast and crew who don’t need their protection (or maybe the crew does since they probably dont get paid well but why the fuck would anyone care about that lol) but very few have the people who have concerns or massive critique about the show are not going to be “bullying.”

If people are saying “if you like xyz, u suck” then sure it may suck for you to see but who fucking cares. Either talk to the person or don’t be friends with them. That is not bullying or harrassment. Things that are shitty get criticized. Fuck, things that aren’t shitty don’t. Get away from this idea of cancel culture and people misunderstanding the story. We have the ability to.

Think beyond your noses of personal preference. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them.

And guess what? You won’t like everybody. Many people can’t stand me i’m sure. Oh well. I mean frankly I don’t like that and I feel very unsettled when I don’t feel understood. That’s ok! I have to temper it. Sometimes calm myself down. I won’t get anything and everything I want. And you won’t like every opinion and sometimes it’s like “man am i a dummy?” But the part of growing up is fucking maanging that and beng honest about “bashing and harrassment” and “bullying” and growing up. Yuo can like what you want the “let people like what they want thing” is so fucking juvenile and THAT is not the real world. Which is probably why so many people feel that way, they dont want to live in the real world. Unfortunately, you do.

Think beyond our noses of personal preference and what we feel emotionally in conjunction with others. You don’t have to convince people of what you believe. And you can say things that you believe to be true but it doesn’t make them so or maybe it isn’t received that way to people. And many times we learn new things in the discussions “oh shit i didn’t see it that way” right? Discussing it is good but critique is not bullying, harrassment, or hate. Neither is fucking roasting shit because even this shit I like (manner of death lets say) deserves it. Art is meant to be critiqued and if you dont fucking like the bullshit people make then say it. They know stupid stories like this are scandalous and they don’t give a shit in how to present them. Usually the “opposition” in these situations aren’t the popular beliefs that permeate through society. Trust me lmao

Antiblackness

Antiblackness is a thing. It permeates everywhere. It permeates in this genre and it permeates in fandom. Get it the fuck together. Also do not conflate cultural relativism with being repsectful. They are not barbarians, they are smart human beings either making work or deciding to. We all have diff cultures but we have fucking sense in what is respectful and not. And if we don’t we fucking learn. You cannot excuse things and say “oh culture” when you have 0 idea of that culture or actual people who are radical etc and are fighting against it. Additionally the word westerner is an ignorant term when referring to people in the US or UK who are black. Because we are not. We extend sympathy to other groups and empathy since we know so there is no inherent power imbalance between a black viewer and their subject. Don’t suggest that because it’s wrong and ahistorical and contextless.

FIRST the fallacy of representation as freedom makes people fucking complacent, individualistic, and doesn’t let them think critically. Consumption and discourse around consumption is not helping material conditions of the marginalized communities in your home, the black ones who are ignored, those intersectionalized in these communities. Groups talk about art and what it means for them outside of just what we see and because we also don’t have access to a bunch of Thai reviews or what movements or going on we are less likely to know if we don’t FUCKING SEARCH for it. Because art is constant...which leads me to....

Representation is difficult. It matters and it doesn’t.

Tthese shows are not meant to overturn the LGBTQ+ community.

There are queer filmmakers and artists in these countries. Deep illustrious film careers or even TV that is moving and deliberate. We can even see it with the dude from “your name engraved” in their short series he was in beforehand. BL is no wa pejorative because it is simply not “qu**r” storytelling whatever that means. But know it has always existed everywhere and there are also out artists or radical artists in all these countries who do no respect mediums that are cash-grabs and poorly made.

ex: As much as “Like in the Movies” sort of isnt for me and is a bit hamfisted you can tell how much love goes into that. Love of the characters, acting, and message. Yes it’s cringey to see some of the lines (like very tbh subtlety wasnt exactly their strong suit) and yea naming them after lenin and marx is just 0ihgoaudgijposkagjihou BUT GUESS WHAT? THEY FUCKING DID IT. THEY TRIED. And class was a large component as well bc u cant fuckin ignore it. The show is aware of the machinations in its world as a show but also in the philippines and for a fuckin reason. And duatarte? Loooooooool so like yea not so sure bl makes him love his ppl but the show isnt trying to do that

It’s not a transgressive genre and it has no reason to be. No ethical anything under the way we live it’s just trying your fucking best to be. That’s it. They serve societal ills and capital’s purposes. Which is fine but it is not revolutionary.

These countries in SEA or even SA do not have as big budget for even mainstream dramas—though things are changing and that’s bc REVENUE like revenue from kpop is fucking huge for SK and again so much about that is bc of what happened in their history from japanese imperialism to WWII to the US—so for “queer” stuff it is sort of now important to make that an export and it sure is one. Not only globally or to the west but a lot of these places make their money within asia (duh!) outside of their countries. OBVIOUSLY. so BL is a way to output and gain money. The thing is, it doesnt seem to be put back into the industry at all. For people in all these countries to make works that aren’t for mainstream or wont reach as many people there’s a difference between trying and just shoving shit in your face and going here it’s gay you like it right? But dont antagonize the inherent patriarchal nature of BL.

Another thing: did you guys know thailand was never colonized? You should look it up. There’s little hints of things in ITSAY to represent french influence still. Isnt that fascinating? Find out why. It’s certainly interesting that the representation, though damaging and dubious many times and also incorrect like any media, is huge in asia and this isnt a commodity here (the US) exactly. A lot of that has to do with colonial ideas of gender of which I am sure. But listen………lmao

Sometimes people dont give a shit. And it very much shows. Here is the thing once again. GOOD TRANSGRESSIVE WORK exists.

Een within the capitalist Bs paradigm or you can see people trying (I can sort of applaud parts of lovely writer) also queer media has always existed everywhere the reason you don’t know about it is because it gets takena nd commodified into a mainstream product. We hvae little incentive, particularly if we are not fans of cinema or art in gen, to search fror others when the output is right here. Being dictated by others and the state and who will give you money. No longer an effort of a cast and crew who want to convey things. But google [any country] independent cinema, radical cinema, queer radical cinema, or even retrospectives on the cinema and rethinking what is queer and radical in film. What if we took that, diluted it, got rid of the creators who put themselves through all the work, ignroe al the nuances and do……………….two actors who are conventionally attractive with no chemistry making out.

It’s the same here lets say daniel kaluuya winning the oscar for the film about the BPP. I heard it was okay and not too offensive but it still isnt’ enough. It still isn’t like hwood isn’t trash, nnati black, misogynistic towards BW and women, and all that other shit. It was pushy but it can’t be enough where we are. Black KKKlansmen i think won an oscar, by circumstance i fuckin hate these award shows they mean nothing, and i like the film a lot but he has his misogynoir still resting in his films even if it is poignant. And it was a film that honestly wasn’t really made for black people. And should all art be a response to direct trauma or trying to make ourselves palatable when we’re just human?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ and it’s importance (capitalism) but also sorta individual responsibility

Considering a lot of these actors are rich and then just dip that’s another problem. Mainstream isn’t what sustains marginalized art ever. It doesn’t change in the vast ways we think it does. What changes is the people of these groups pushing, fighting, forcing and then capitalism trying to make it work under capitalism. It will not. It cannot.

This is why artists and labels often don’t mix or you see people like Sonic Youth doing whatever they want and pissing off their label but making them give them money. Same with Nirvana. Vince Staples. The thing is they can fight and make good shit but what capitalism helps people….not care? They don’t respect the audience? We’re getting those returns on poor executed product placement, lighting, editing, framing, fucking acting. And you surewon’t see mixed black asians in these shows. WHY R U is the oNLY one i have seen it in and he just disappears (but that was pretty cool.) so who the fuck is this representing? And before you start: asian countries are not homogenous the way we believe them to be. There are marginalized communities outside of even mixed people that are harmed. So you can skrrt cause on that one: you’re wrong buddy. But it gives us the IDEA of a paradise which is what they NEED.With representation and visibility comes consequence and responsibility as artists. What it allows them to do is coast and not think complexly because why should they; it’s mostly the fantasies of some older woman who probably has money and much less interaction with the world. It’s bonkers. And what that allows even further is for them to say YOU ARE THE THING THAT YOU CONSUME and the THING THAT YOU CONSUME IS YOURS. It is not, it is not your identity, form a close bond but figure it the fuck out. Especially for adults who are hellbent on twisting their minds into pretzels and can’t acknowledge what’s just laziness in art and not giving a fucking shit. Truly.

There’s damage that has been done from Parasite as he was supported by CJE&M and the bullshit obsession america had and eveyrone’s poor interpretation of it if they are rich. BJH is a socialist and he is a filmmaker. He has made films that are outstanding and cost a lot of money. But now a fear for indie filmmakers is just not being able to raise that much or have that much attention. Getting funding that helps them instead of expecting the Next Big Thing that is a fad because capitalism is trash. Yes this funneling of money is absolutely harmful to us artists. Even buying in is strategic. Additionally, that film is probs one of the most radical films to have that wide release and accolade (unlike “Sorry to Bother You” which i have a lot of thoughts about. One being that asian exports are acceptable but black ones are not. This is an overall art critique and global media critique. Blackness is removed, not respected.) However, filmmaking isn’t green, it can’t be socialist, and it’s a lot of work. They used tons and tons and TONS of water to do a huge beautiful feat but we still know there is a cost. We have to figure that out because it shouldn’t be. It doesn’t go back into the crew’s pockets the way it should and the work becomes that of the director’s and actors solely. It’s fucking hard. We have to do our part but it doesn’t mean we are doing it perfectly. We just have to try to do better. So does BJH cos he needs to not be a misogynist but anyways i digress.

additionally and this is something some users fail to understand: people in the media sphere generally have fucking money. I went to film school that was international with super fucking rich kids. Taiwanese kids, kids from south asia, china, thailand. They had money. No not upper middle class money, not “rich” money, not some paltry 1m that’s chump change. Fucking money. Fucking RICH-RICH. MILLIONAIRES. BILLIONAIRES. WHICH IS DISGUSTING MIGHT I ADD. The domestic people didn’t have the money for school (in the UK) and i am in a massive amount of debt like every other black student that went there. You do not understand how much money is needed to survive so people who turn to these crew positions even casting etc need this fucking money usually. OKAY. A lot of the people that do well in these dumb shows or even on a larger scale HAVE MONEY. The reason these industries are small and struggling is because of lack of people and lack of resources to independent shit because oh gee it takes money to make things.

Why should I try? Well you don’t have to really if you have money or a name. Yet...

We can tell when like those Tik Tok shows or DCOMs dont give a shit (anymore.) You know how frustrated we get when content for young people is garbage? Well, see, BL is literally that under that system. Occasionally we will get something good now but there is virtually no need in any sector in the world at this point to truly figure out how to make it better and what to do to enhance artistic literacy, outreach, teaching people new things, getting people from these communities there and having true realistic says. Art and culture is IMPERATIVE TO WORLD LIBERATION but not when it is so stiffly trying to bend to capital’s idea of progressiveness. No. Neoliberalism. No.

That’s why in a way ITSAY is a huge feat; it takes from films etc and they clearly had money (the actors rae rich too which….lmaooooo j’aime pas) but it was a respected fucking script, acting was important, blocking, framing. There’s very little to critique as a visual medium for that because I understand what they are trying to do, their market is going to be mostly young girls, but they RESPECT THE FUCKING AUDIENCE. And guess what guys? You can make money from it!!!! WOAH! Since that may be the only goal which is disgusting and repulsive.

HOWEVER AND THIS IS WHAT IS SAD: itsay is an ex of a great show however knowing the actors backgrounds and the pseudo trouble it stirred when they weren’t supporting people protesting against the coup in the summer it really put a damper on my enjoyment. And this is how we can see that:

a) it’s honestly just a show and a good one but b) now what?

These kids (actors, who are like idk 19? 20?) are rich and not saying anything while countless actors, who were filming, did. Even tul who has $$$$ and the thing is the protesting against the coup legitimately attacks the rich. As it should. The protests going on were cries for help, against a dictatorship and fucking coup, asking people to get fucking help for covid, having kids be able to live. There’s a mini on VICE about this and it probably doesnt go too in depth but there’s a kid in there who talks about his friends getting into drugs and how he just wants to make music, have fun, skateboard. And it’s harrowing to see. This is a direct example of what these things do and don’t do. Yea we know a good show is here, we know growing up and slice of life, we know this is a bit of escapism and idealism but the idealism is reflected in the way these actors also choose to live their lives. So what progress? To who? For who? How is this helping me? What purpose does it serve? I say ITSAY serves its purpose as a piece and a glimpse into possibility of growing up but i do not say it antagonizes a broader issue that needs to be relevant in some sense but simply is not. It’s very singleminded and, well, it’s sort of like “besides my sexuality, what do i have to worry about?” But for real humans like....a lot. I do not respect their decision at all.

Why can’t we do our jobs and make something decent and respect our audience? No time, gotta make that sweet sweet sweet cash baybee. Look how progressive we are! Don’t look at history and material conditions. Thanks in advance, management.

History 4 does not have that respect. Many of these shows do not. Sometimes we hit good, sometimes we don’t. But in the end we cannot settle. And I won’t. If I am critiquing something I will not be shy and if I am meant to enjoy something as escapism then these shows NEED to highlight that and it’s rare sometimes (the best twins is a good reminder like that show is bad but man do i Brain Empty when i turn it on and i like that and there’s not much in it that makes me want to kill myself from annoyance but there are transphobic jokes i dont love however the whole show is a comedy about this dude’s crazy homophobic sister and she is constantly positioned as wrong and they talk about the aforementioned trans women as the actor was in drag. Interesting that they can manage that, huh?)

Oh btw.....taiwan has a very complicated history but ignore all the bad stuff it’s good now you can kinda sorta get married and stuff. KMT? You know how i learned that? I care about human beings and read about it lmao. I am not Taiwanese and look at that. So now I have historical and DIALECTICAL~**~*~****~*~*~ context so i can judge it as an artist, a black woman from america, and from the knowledge i have to pick up on their history to see if this fits into a broader picture besides the micro-one of sexuality on an individualized level. And this is kinda where it comes full circle: these shows are not you, you are not them, they do not exist in a vacuum because nothing does. The failure to critique now means continuing on as it has and it will still do so. History and time are not linear in the sense we think it is. Someitmes things are better, sometimes things feel more austere. We are not living under liberation though and these shows are not going to do so. So they are not US nor are they for a nebulous “us” of which the groups are all fractured and have diff opinions anyway (my opinion as a black american is going to vary from an asian woman’s say and that could really clash and i do not feel solidarity with all those in every community i am for several reasons.)

Final thots that have taken up my time and the only thing i actually wanted to write but got distracted:

Anyway my dissertation is that I ilke Muren and LiCheng a lot a lot and i like how cute they are and how truly dumb li cheng is. This is an example of mostly good writing, decent actors, nice chemistry, and sort of a calmness to them. And I super enjoy how Muren is pretty forward with LC in the sense that being together is like very important to truly be together. When he was like “no i didnt forget!” Or when LC asked him something in the office I forget it was 6 am and again i almost threw up and muren nodded and then LC leaned on him. Very cute. I want more of them tho i may have to skip that othre couple (the cameo the ones from MODC) but omfg the younger one HIS HAIR GREW SO MUCH HE LOOKS SO MATURE AND CUTE OMFGIJ0HUG9SAOGIJPKOAGJSIOHUAGIJP hahhaha the one good thing i will say about THEM.idk how old the actor is i figure he was young idk it makes me happy to see him he’s very cute. I hope he’s in something i can watch and not gag at. Is he hot? Who knows but he is a cutie!!

Anyway muren and lc have a good thing going it’s nice to watch ho\pe they dont fuck it up but im truly a sucker for some true finds 2 luvas i think some user on her\e was like i’m not a fan of friends ot lovers bc it doesn’t seem like they’re actually friends and maybe they were referring to this show idk. But it made me think and it was a very good observation. So i think they are friends and also luvrs <3

#history 4 #history 4: close to you #i told sunset about you #a thot #tharntype #lovely writer #bl fandom #idk #lol #long

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

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Continuing on that observation because I forgot to add this part, as a gen z I'm glad you understand that we or young people don't invent new ways to be evil, but it's not completely true. You aren't seeing new forms of online abuse in every platform, I doubt second hand information is going into details as well. Also the fact that you are a white man, there are things being said and done to poc in various online communities that I don't expect you to be privy to. Harassing fans of color and poc media has become a lot more common and normalized which parts of the fandom at large will never see. I don't know if anon did all of the thinking before saying "gen z bad" but they're not completely wrong looking at the kind of mass bullying behavior literal kids are exhibiting. They are learning from or being encouraged by older people but that shouldn't take the focus away from them to blame only the older people.

And my ask regarding Barbara, you assumed I hadn't thought about if my disdain for the character could have come from ableism. I had tho, granted you couldn't have known that and it was surely a possibility, so I'm not saying I'm mad about it, I was at that time a little bit. But you could perhaps give your anons a little more credit sometimes. Sometimes people know what they're talking about, you don't need to explain other possibilities to them each time.

Once again, sorry if this came off as very rude I just needed to share that observation and among many other instances these two were really highlights and kept bothering me. My issue with Barbara goes in a different direction than anything to do with her appearance and I've personally faced online abuse from people younger than me in ways that technologically, even politically, wasn't possible or as easy a few years ago, so you can maybe see why...

Please keep in mind that whatever context you have for yourself or your ask when you come into my inbox on anon......I have none of that. You have an awareness of yourself relative to whatever you asked me. I literally only know an anon by the words they put into my inbox and nothing else.

Also please keep in mind that every anon I answer, I do so in the larger context of my own interactions with tumblr overall. I have a lot of precedent with things I say being taken out of context, misrepresented or even just me not conveying myself as well as I like.

So the combination of those two things is that a) I literally just don't KNOW what any anon does or doesn't know and b) If I'm going to answer an anon, I tend to want to answer as fully and clearly as possible.

I can understand it coming across as being talked down to, so I'll work on that, but I would ask people to remember the above and keep that in context too when weighing my responses.....am I actually being condescending in every case, or does it simply feel that way because I'm including stuff you already know in my response? And if its the latter, is THAT something I COULD know about you without knowing who you are or you as a person and not just a paragraph sent in anonymously?

I'd rather be safe than sorry, and so from my POV since there's no harm in somebody seeing someone cover information they already know as PART of their overall answer or response, like, there's no reason for me not to include whatever I think is relevant and just expect readers to decide for themselves what about my response, if anything, is helpful, and like....just ignore the rest, y'know?

Also, just for the record, I am ADHD and I save my medication for when I'm working or writing or have stuff I absolutely need to get done, which doesn't include my usual blogging. So I'm usually posting while not on my ADHD meds at all, hence the rambling tendencies and the length. Another aspect of ADHD that doesn't get talked about much ime is we tend to over-explain, part out of just excitement/interest in whatever it is that has our attention, and also in part because we're used to people not necessarily following the leaps our minds take when jumping around rather than proceeding in an orderly thought pattern.....so, part of why I break things down so incrementally is I literally just don't know where my way of looking at things diverges from the way neurotypical thinking views things, so I want to draw as detailed a map as possible in order to ensure the most people possible can follow my thought process, just in case.

(And again see, this is something you might already know, and hell, you could have ADHD yourself, I just literally have no way of knowing that so rather than just mention it and be like "oh and also I have ADHD and so that's something to keep in mind" I'd rather explain WHY I feel that's particularly relevant to your question, since I'm kinda like, why not answer as fully as I have the spoons for? People can stop reading at any time if I go on too long. Its fine).

As for the specific asks you're referencing - my response to the gen z anon was not meant to convey that the sort of things you're describing don't occur among gen z, so sorry for giving that impression. Its actually the opposite of my point, which was simply that I don't think its a generational thing, or that anything is gained by treating it as a generational thing. This kind of behavior exists in gen z, yes, but it also existed before gen z. Its not gen z SPECIFIC, or limited to just that generation. That's all.

And the other ask, the one you made about Barbara - to be honest, I don't have anyway of knowing for sure which one you meant, and there are a couple it could have been, but if its the one I THINK you're referencing, I believe you asked how to stop people from assuming you dislike Barbara for reasons rooted in ableism when its because of other things? If that's the one, then I mean, the thing is....I DID answer your question, in as much as anyone could. I addressed the perceptions other people might have of your stance there, but basically - there IS no way to ever ensure people take you at your word or any kind of guarantee you can present your POV in a way that won't be misrepresented or misunderstood. So ultimately, I just had no real useful advice for that?

And so I expanded into the only thing I think anyone CAN control, aka their own thoughts and words, and suggested that you just double check to be sure of your own possible biases that others might read into your words without you being aware you were putting them in there. That wasn't meant as an insult or to suggest you hadn't already examined yourself for possible ableism - it was simply saying it never hurts to check again, y'know? We don't always catch everything every time we do a self-review, and internal biases are inherently tricky to pick up on ourselves. And it just loops back into the fact that I really had no way to know what you had and hadn't already considered, you're essentially a blank cipher to me....and in my experience, a lot of people are a lot more ableist than they realize.

And this isn't an insult either! It applies to me and I'M physically disabled! I'm constantly to this day unpacking new realizations about how I still have more ableist views and opinions than even I realize, even after about five years of living with chronic pain, vertigo, nerve issues and associated problems stemming from only half a working mouth lol. I'm not trying to insult people by asking them to just do what I do every day and just like....make sure I'm not the problem when other people have a problem with me. Because sometimes, even after reflecting as fully and genuinely as I can, I think they're still wrong! I don't have to agree with their conclusions! But that doesn't mean that they're never right.

And for the record, I do think its still worth examining on your end, because I don't love that you said your issues with Barbara have nothing to do with her appearance, when we're talking about ableism specifically. It very well could be just a poor word choice on your part and not a reflection of your actual views, but it could also be a suggestion that you tend to think of physical disability as something that's limited to there being a visual sign of, and there's a lot of invisible symptoms and changes to the ways a disabled person interacts with society and society with them that don't alter a disabled person's appearance in anyway...and many of these things are the exact stuff a lot of unacknowledged ableism revolves around.

So I'd like to give you and other anons more credit and the benefit of the doubt and assume you know what you're talking about and don't need things broken down as much as I tend to break them down to - but keep in mind I don't OWE you that, and its a lot to ask someone to take you on faith when you've already made the conscious choice to present yourself to them anonymously, and deliberately limit how much a person even CAN know about you before answering, when you have an equal opportunity to present yourself by name, allowing someone the full context afforded by your blog, that they can use to familiarize themselves with you and what you likely do or don't know before answering. I don't think its entirely reasonable to anonymize YOURSELF and then expect people to still give you the benefit of the doubt.

Especially when not giving you the benefit of the doubt only really results in me over-explaining something you don't think you need explained in certain ways or in as much depth. Its not hurting anyone, and you're not going to be the only one reading this response and maybe that over-explanation ISN'T something other people know and it could still be of use to someone else, y'know?

But lastly, please keep in mind that you came to me, and I just answered in the way that made the most sense to me. If that didn't work for you or wasn't what you're looking for, that's fine, but like. You knew way more about me going into this interaction than I could possibly know about you, and assuming good faith of you and your interest in my response and giving you as much of a response as I did in the first place, let alone now, IS giving you the benefit of the doubt in the sense that I'm assuming you can find some way in which these responses are of use to you.

And if not, like....just don't send me more asks? LOL. I kinda feel like you just didn't expect the answer you got, and that's sitting weirdly with you. Which I get, to be honest, but I don't particularly think that's a me problem, because that has nothing to do with anything I can control.

I can only give the answer that occurs to me when I read and think about an ask. I can't guarantee it'll ever be the answer the asker actually WANTS.

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comicteaparty · 5 years

Text

December 27th, 2018 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on December 27th, 2018, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Inhibit by Eve Greenwood / evegwood~! (http://www.inhibitcomic.com/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

there are many great scenes, but i am particularly fond of victor in the parking garage. specifically, i enjoy the unfolding of events once masha joins the party. i love the fact that victor freezes up and just flat out doesnt know what to do. not only does this fit with his character, but i actually think its refreshing for a protagonist with powers to still just be a regular person deep down who does not have the required training to deal with that sort of situation. not to mention i love seeing paulina's powers in action

spire

Agreed! The garage is one of my favorites too. I love how Paulina is breaking rules left and right- not just laws (lol) but all the concepts that have been established so far about how powers are supposed to work. I really want to figure out what's going on(edited)

RebelVampire

or is she breaking laws? as in the powers. obviously shes breaking the other sorts of laws like dont set ppls property on fire. but i will save theories on the powers for a bit later. i do enjoy that she throws a wrench already into what's established. tho i felt bad for victor that nobody is listening to him.

another scene ive been enjoying is the current flashback where victor is a bouncy child. mostly because i love how excited about everything victor is. like wanting explosions just cause its cool. and i think its just this real contrast that builds tension for the narrative since youre like "victor man what happened O_O"

spire

No one listened to him then and no one listens to him now. I would love it if someone took him seriously for once

I would also love it it someone let him REST

RebelVampire

yeah my heart really hurts for him. because ive been in that position of sitting there constantly trying to tell someone something and then being ignored.

although i really think ppl need to learn moderation in regards to their expectations for victor most of all

cause it seems like ppl either 1) expect nothing from victor and think hes a loser or 2) pull a nate and expect victor to auto be this extremely capable person despite not having trained for anything in years

Superjustinbros

*jumps in

Hello~!

RebelVampire

hey super!

Superjustinbros

Hey Rebel!

Pleased to be here~

spire

Hello~

Superjustinbros

And hello to you too, Spire!

RebelVampire

another scene that i enjoy was when julia, david, and victor snuck back in to the building to eavesdrop. on a technical level i liked the writing for it because it was a scene that moved the plot along but also served to show off the relationship dynamics that exist between those specific characters. so as a narrative construct everything in that scene felt like it had purpose to one end or the other.

Superjustinbros

I just want to say, the faces in this comic are incredible.

http://www.inhibitcomic.com/comics/2658763/chapter-5-pg-11/ Especially this one on the bottom right

And then they play bloody Laser Tag

RebelVampire

yeah the faces on the kid are really some fantastic exaggerations

Superjustinbros

Oh yes

RebelVampire

but suits them cause theyre kids

Superjustinbros

There's lots of fun to be had with giving characters over the top faces.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. Victor has been shown to be a drastically different person than he was in his youth. What is the past incident that several characters bring up that apparently resulted in a trial and inevitably got Victor kicked out of Urquhart? What does it have to do with Masha, and do you think Julia was involved somehow considering she’s also at Earl Estate? Is it the reason Nate and Victor’s relationship soured as well? Do you believe the incident is what changed Victor so much, or is it several aspects of his life? Do you think any of this has something to do with why Victor has failed to improve at Earl Estate? Also, why do you believe Victor’s inhibitors are now failing him so badly? Lastly, do you believe his missions with Nate will have an effect on Victor’s personality? How so?

Superjustinbros

tfw it's already time to answer question 2

I'll stop posting these to the chat now

RebelVampire

well considering adult victor has some issue controlling his powers when hes emotional, im gonna assume something of that nature happened. potentially maybe to that bully who keeps picking on young masha. cause i feel like victor is gonna stand up to them or attempt to and get mad and then accidentally severely injure them or something. idk about julia being involved

tho looking back it looks like she has all her fingers as a child

Superjustinbros

That seems like a very good interpretation.

Considering he does shoot out electricity at impractical times, at least from what I've seen(edited)

RebelVampire

as for nate and victor's relationship souring, i think theres more at work than just this incident. i kind of get the impression that nate just kind of likes taking things out on victor even when everything has nothing to do with victor. but i think basically all this crap combined to shake victor's confidence and that's a large reason hes not improving. cause he just has no reason to be confident anymore.

spire

I think Vic's self worth has been raised into a precarious position thanks to being a gifted (in this case- super powered) child, and with how much his spark-outs are emphasized through the whole comic, something terrible must have happened with a spark and that lack of control was touted against him, which makes it near impossible to repair his self esteem

RebelVampire

yes definitely all that. cause i feel by and large that victor has just given up on himself. which tbf i dont blame him cause literally nobody is doing anything to help really. like theres not a truly positive influence. although to nate's credit i guess he's trying? just ya know, in a super bad way

spire

Lol yeah. That's a good way to put it

Nate is helping but in the worst way. Vic needs some genuine, earnest support

As for Julia, I suspect she gave herself frostbite? Noor is very strict about Julia forming ice around her limbs, and she must have been moved to Earl for a similar outburst of her own powers

RebelVampire

tbh i think julia has more control of her powers. from the impression i get anyway. i kind of think julia is just reckless and doesnt think her actions through. though i mean might of been an outburst too. i could really go either way. and maybe its both.

though frostbite is way more tame than what i was thinking happened XD

i was picturing more encasing an ice and then shattering said ice

frostbite sounds more reasonable and less horrific

spire

Omg

Julia just thought one day that it would be cool to be a snowman

She didn't consider the fact that she can't move. Once she becomes the snow man ️

RebelVampire

that sounds like something shed do. even now cause i dont feel shes anymore responsible than she was as a kid

which ya know narratively speaking is kind of a good contrast with victor in a way

spire

Yeah

RebelVampire

cause victor has no control of his powers but has a sort of reserved control of himself. whereas julia has control of her powers but is an explosion of bad decisions waiting to happen

spire

I love that about them. Despite Julia's recklessness I think it's good for Vic to not be sitting alone in his room 24/7

RebelVampire

idk i agree and disagree. its good for him to get out and socialize, but im not sure the ppl around him are well-suited to kind of give him teh space he needs.

tho tbf im not sure the estate is the healithiest place in general

it kind of feels like prison

QUESTION 3. Victor’s life changes a lot when he’s forced to join Nate’s team. Why do you think Nate is so vehement about having Victor as a temporary member on his team? Is he honestly just trying to help Victor, or is there is some other hidden reason? What did you think the way the retrievals were handled says about the world and its view on Variants? How might the first mission change Victor’s perspective on Variants and how they’re treated (if at all)? How will it affect how Victor deals with other team missions and/or the course of the story? Lastly, do you believe that Victor will be able to makes amends and bond with the team, or will he continue to be chastised and treated somewhat lesser?

spire

The way that variants are trained at places like Urq and Miller to almost solely police their own community is disturbing. Vic wants no part of it and it's perfectly understandable

Variants are monitored so closely through their whole lives. it's invasive.

RebelVampire

yeah. and i mean...theres a degree i want to be understanding. i would not want untrained variants just walking around causing accidents and such. cause theyve shown that their powers can be damaging not just to others but themselves and also all the property around them. so i can understand that variants kind of need a special thing going on for everyone's protection

but man do those places feel like prison

like when you cant even let someone's mom see their kid off

thats a bad sign

spire

In that kind of environment a variant is pressured to do whatever they can to appear trustworthy. Even if Nate is trying to help Vic out I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed

RebelVampire

that could be although i feel theres easier ways then making under the table secret deals. tho tbh i think theres a mix going on here. like i think nate does want to help victor and wants to see him succeed. but i also feel like nate isnt altruistic either. more like he wants to help victor cause he feels like victor is his one failure that he cant leave to continue to be a failure just for the sake of his own pride.

Superjustinbros

“I think he's ultimately trying to make himself look better by helping Vic succeed”

This thought caught my eyes

RebelVampire

although it could also be that nate sees something of himself reflected in victor. cause nate did freak out when masha wasnt just flat out listening to his captain's orders. and i kind of feel that reflects his own feelings of being unsure of himself

Superjustinbros

Perhaps

RebelVampire

but i kind of wonder if theres an issue of dormancy at play in all this? cause if nate feels like he's losing his powers and position soon, that could be a prime motivator in whatever he feels hes got to do

like hes running out of his chance to do that one super awesome thing that immortalizes him in history

spire

Ooooooooo that's a very interesting thought

Reminiscent of thinkin you need to be ultra successful by the time you're 30

I hadn't thought of nates motivation that way before :0

RebelVampire

yeah and this is kind of an extreme case of needing to be successful by 30. cause in this case its kind of true in a way. since im sure if youre a variant the powers are kind of part of who you are. but by 30 you lose that and essentially have to redefine who you are as a person. and i think thats more true with the way their system is set up since their glorified prisons are so life encompassing.

spire

Yeah. That's got to be terrifying, knowing your whole identity is going to disappear one day, one day SOON

RebelVampire

yes. or so were led to believe. cause tbf i got sinister vibes from that scene with the doctor checking young victor for dormancy. so maybe all we know is a lie and dormancy is not a natural process but something forced upon variants.

spire

OOOOOOOOHH

Terrifying if tru

Superjustinbros

Yeah that scene creeped me out a bit

and it just came out of nowhere

RebelVampire

cause i agree with young victor. why are you checking a kid for dormancy if you know the typical ages for dormancy

and i feel that line is there for a reason

spire

I wonder if he's still wondering that now, 9 years later?

And I hope he is

RebelVampire

maybe hell remember it

Superjustinbros

Exactly, Rebel. (about the dormacy part)(edited)

RebelVampire

cause to tie in the 2nd part of that question, i def think victor is on the path to see the injustice in how variants are treated

those facial expressions in the van were already on the extreme i feel sorry for these people side

QUESTION 4. Inadvertently, Victor becomes involved with a dangerous arsonist named Paulina. What do you think Paulina’s powers are? Is she a pyro as many believe, or is there something funky going on with her powers like Victor believes? Why do you believe Paulina attacked Miller, and why do you think she’s so desperately looking for Chalice? Where do you think Paulina even came from given she isn’t declaring any facility as her origin? Why, of all people, do you think Paulina went to Victor specifically for help? Given Victor gets Julia involved, how might the residents of Earl Estate affect Victor helping Paulina or not? In general, do you believe Victor will help Paulina or not, and how will this choice affect the rest of the story?

Superjustinbros

I'm going to say maybe she has multiple powers versus most of the other characters that only have one

spire

That's what I was thinking too

Superjustinbros

I mean she really is mysterious, since her profile is still //||?⁄⁄/⁄\ | on the site

RebelVampire

idk. i mean its certainly possible. but im also willing to think that she has one power that doesnt fit any of the predefined powers the world established. so like shes a new variant type. or that she knows how to use her pyro powers in a way that nobody thought possible

but multiple powers is still possible

im just more willing to error on the side of it still fitting in with established laws and we just dont get the full picture yet

Superjustinbros

maybe like dark/gravity powers, or some power that's otherwise considered taboo?

spire

I think ultimately Vic's going to be looking for some truth and working with Pauli will appear? To get him some answers

Superjustinbros

Considering het background is nothing like the others

And yeah, maybe that ends up happening

http://inhibit.smackjeeves.com/files/what.png I mean can anyone translate this(edited)

RebelVampire

no but its probably just for the purposes of making her mysterious

and wont change to not give new readers spoilers XD

spire

Yes I believe that's simply to keep it mysterious for new readers

Superjustinbros

Yeah

RebelVampire

i think victor will def help paulina, although im not sure i get the impression paulina is gonna inspire victor to look for truth persay. though if she gets him to chalice, i think chalice will make him question stuff.

Superjustinbros

Maybe, just maybe.(edited)

RebelVampire

i kind of get the impression that paulina didnt come from any facility but instead has been living and training outside the system. cause we dont really know the process by which the facilities collect variants in the first place. like obviously we see victor's mom bring victor. but like...was it the law? was it under threat hed be taken anyway? how did ppl know?(edited)

and without knowing these things i can think of a lot of reasons paulina just skirted by the system

Superjustinbros

Definitely could be something outside the system, since it's still a mystery

spire

I'm wondering if the only reason Pauli chased Vic down to Earl is because she has blackmail to make him help her find chalice. If she asked anyone else she's obvs get turned in to the police or taken home?? Wherever that is???

Well, I guess it's not really black mail. So I don't really know

RebelVampire

maybe paulina just picked him cause hes the only variant she knows now who didnt immediately try to arrest her

and tbf

victor is a good choice cause he would seem easy to intimidate into doing what you want him to do

spire

TRUE LMAO

RebelVampire

tho i couldnt fathom why she wants to find chalice. i mean the assumption is she wants their help. but maybe she super hates them and chalice is corrupt and bad. and that there is no good in this world. or something depressing like that.

Superjustinbros

lmao

Plus he's the protagonist

RebelVampire

paulina got super meta and said "hey victor you feel like a protagonist. you can probably help"

Superjustinbros

Protagonist Syndrome in a nutshell

RebelVampire

that makes me feel bad for victor. victor seems like the last person whod ever want to be a protagonist

just wants to sleep in his room instead

spire

Hashtag relatable tbh

Superjustinbros

Yes

RebelVampire

since we only have 4 mins left, are there any final thoughts to share?

Superjustinbros

I'd love to do the same lol

I want to say this has been a great read so far, it's got great characters, lots of emotion, and lots of charm.

(And lots of good expressions)

Good luck with the comic, Eve, it's really going strongly so far.

spire

I think inhibit really nails what it feels like to be pinned by the expectations put on you by all levels of society, but still allowing itself to breathe and be funny and so human

RebelVampire

i think inhibit is a great story with memorable personalities. but most of all it has a relateable protagonist whose inner demons can speak to most ppl, and watching his journey is definitely probably something that will inspire hope

unless victor dies

then no hope

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Eve Greenwood / evegwood, as well, for making Inhibit. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: http://www.inhibitcomic.com/

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Paypal Donation Link: https://www.paypal.me/evegwood

Eve Greenwood / evegwood’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/evegwood

Comic Tea Party- Thursday Book Club

Next week’s Thursday Book Club will be about Princess Pups by Lindsay Hornsby. For participants, you have the next week to read as much of the comic as you would like~! We hope to see you on Thursday, January 3rd, from 5PM to 7PM PST for the chat in #thursday_bookclub!

Comic’s Main Site: https://tapas.io/series/Princess-Pups

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #inhibit #evegwood #eve greenwood

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yukiwrites · 6 years

Text

A Rough Approval

Thank you for commissioning me again, @xpegasusuniverse! This was so much fun to write, I hope you like it ;D

Summary: After the war, Maribelle returns to Themis with her villager husband, Donnel, in tow. Winning her father’s acceptance won’t be easy... or will it?

Commission info HERE and HERE!

Although the Fell Dragon's demise left a bitter taste in everyone's mouths -- Robin's sacrifice was felt in every soldier's heart, after all -- life waited for no one. It was time for the Shepherds to reform; some would go back home, their duties finished alongside the war, while some would stay.

Maribelle, always a friend of the Crown, remained at the castle, by her friend Lissa's side, for a few weeks until she was sure she could go back home to pursue her own goals. Her husband, Donnel, would go back to the Themis land with her, despite the initial thought of wanting to bring HER to his village.

But she wouldn't fit in that backwater place, nuh-huh. Besides, he knew how much she wanted to become a magistrate, and, if she succeeded, the realm would give a great step towards equality. Maribelle was too precious to simply disappear in the middle of the mountains with him.

"Convincing Father will not be an easy task, darling, however I am certain that he will fall for your charms, much like myself." Maribelle commented as they rode a carriage into Themis land. She had sent a bird ahead of herself explaining the situation and expected her Father to unwelcome them.

The villager blushed deeply, gripping at his favorite pot over his legs as his curls dangled freely with the carriage's sway. "Shucks, Maribelle, what'll I do if tha' happens? I can't marry yer dad..." Nervous, he gulped.

Maribelle giggled, placing her soft hand over his rugged one. "It was a jape, darling. Do cheer up, hm? I simply know that you will get into Father's graces sooner or later. He is not the type to turn his back to raw talent, after all."

Suddenly, Donnel shot up his head. "Ya know what? Bring it on! I can't say tha' I'm gonna surprise 'im with anythin' I know, but my love for ya won't lose to anyone!" He puffed his chest with pride, loudly putting his pot back over his head.

Maribelle placed one hand over her increasingly warm cheek, flattered. "Why, Donny, what a bold declaration of love." She chuckled as he deflated in embarrassment, the pot sliding down to cover his eyes.

"T-that's- the truth, though..." He mumbled, holding her delicate hand with both of his.

The noblewoman placed her free hand over his arm, nudging it slightly. "I do so love you as well, my strong warrior." She said softly before quickly straightening her back even further. "Now! Let us leave this bubbly atmosphere and go back to revising the topics Father is most likely to ask you about! And do take this pot off, darling. I'll have someone brush your hair for you later."

"M-my pot... " He whimpered, but obeyed. "I'm not sure I can learn errything, but I sure as heck'll try!"

"That's my Donny." Maribelle hummed, taking out a thick book from the pile at the seat in front of them. "Now, I want you to recite something from this page..."

Soon they reached the outer gates from the Themis Residence, swiftly being let through the large and intricate garden. Lord Themis himself waited for them at the foot of the front staircase, his arms crossed and his nose lifted up.

He had heard from his daughter's so-called 'marriage' (surely a jest!) while the war still raged. He received a simple letter from a random priest congratulating him for the marriage of his daughter, followed by a message from Maribelle herself. She had told him that she couldn't wait to introduce this 'Donnel' person to him (was that even a name? Gods, what has his daughter done?!) and that he was the person she not only loved but wished to spend her whole life with.

Of course, Themis wasn't a terrible person. He would let his daughter marry the man she loved, of course, as long as he was worthy of her! He had made a thorough background check on that 'Donnel' person. And, of course, no nobles had such base name. No duke, no viscount, no third cousin once removed from a faraway bloodline connecting to a baron had such name. He'd asked his people to look for any 'Donnel's in the Shepherds, but surely no matches were found. It was a big army, after all.

Which only made his heart freeze more.

Did Maribelle marry a commoner? Only one would fade so much into the background it would be impossible to factually check his background. Was that the reason the beautiful handwriting of the priest who sent the letter was written over a Shepherds stamped paper? Did they marry inside the Shepherds garrison?

A commoner... How could his daughter, the most well-mannered, delicate, competent, fierce and noble person he knew marry a commoner, of all people?

The more he thought about it, the deeper was his frown. He watched as the carriage made its way to him and stopped a few meters away. The coachman hurriedly jumped out of his seat to open the door, almost feeling Lord Themis' animosity.

"As I taught you, Donny," Maribelle's voice could be faintly heard from inside, making Lord Themis' heart skip a beat. His darling daughter! "Men exit first, then give their arms to the woman."

"A-aight," a foreign and deeply accented voice left the carriage, and soon it could be attached to a face: A curly-haired, plain-looking and oddly well-dressed young man jumped out, his nervous expression turning soft as he gave his arm so Maribelle could also get off.

What a terrible mismatch!

"What is the meaning of this, Maribelle? You finally come back home after years of war and you bring... this..." he looked at Donnel in disgust, "in tow?"

"Father, where are your manners?" Maribelle lifted her chin, giving a dismissive wave of hand to the coachman so he could leave. "Are you truly so eager to embarrass yourself that you'll make a scene in front of the servants?"

"Do not talk back to me, young lady." He pointed to her, ignoring Donnel's existence completely. "Come with me." He turned on his heel to the staircase.

"Father? This is my husband, Donnel. I'm sure you are flattered to meet him." She narrowed her eyes, her father's reaction much worse than she thought.

Flustered, Donnel bowed. "It's, uh, a pleasure to meet ya, Sir! My name's Donnel an' it would be mighty kind if ya could bless our union!"

"Donnel, hush! This is not something to say while we're out in the open." Maribelle scolded, though her cheeks were under a shade of pink. Such boldness, this man she married had. "Come now, let us follow Father." She nudged on his arm, never letting go of it after exiting the carriage.

"O-oh, right!" He stumbled, not wanting to embarrass his wife. Lord Themis went on ahead without listening to Donnel's introduction.

The noblewoman didn't have the time to greet the servants after her long absence, but she made a mental note to do so after the talk with her father. They were led to a nearby study, into which tea already waited for them.

Or rather, for her. No cups were placed for Donnel.

Lord Themis faced the large window, right behind the desk. "I will not accept this union, Maribelle. Surely you already knew this would happen."

Maribelle did not sit down, not wanting to entertain the silent bullying his father had prepared for Donnel. "I do understand, Father. Believe me when I say that I truly did not expect to fall in love with a commoner of all people. A villager from so tiny a village it does not even have a name!" She placed a few of her golden curls behind her shoulder. "However, whatever assumption you have made of him is wrong, Father. He is not a simple villager, he-"

"He's the man you love, is that what you're going to tell me?" Lord Themis cut her off, turning back to face them as he looked down with almost disgust.

Maribelle narrowed her eyes, placing one hand over her hip. "Why, Father, I expected you of all people to allow others to finish saying their piece without interruption. Nevertheless, that was not what I was going to say -- Donnel is a truly gifted young man. He will not lose to whatever marriage partners you had in mind for me." She stomped her foot, then bobbed her head to the sides, remembering a small detail about her husband. "Of course, apart from owning lands and servants; but we ourselves need not benefit from such things since our land is productive by itself."

Lord Themis didn't want to marry his daughter off to someone wealthy just to increase their own wealth later on; no. He's always wanted her to marry someone of her choice, with a decent background, that would be able to lead their land once he was gone.

Surely a commoner who needed litters of lotion to cover up the smell of pig and earth coming from him would never be able to do such a feat. "You do realize that, besides supposedly marrying behind my back, you are suggesting that a villager can manage our finances." He exhaled deeply, the cold rage he felt making his fingers tremble.

"Um, I'm sorry for buttin' in, sir, but we did errything legit, that we did! We had a priest bless our union an' all!" Donnel gripped at his uncomfortable vest, missing the pot on his head to mess with.

Lord Themis grimaced at every single grammar murder the young man did, sighing so deeply he had to place both hands over the desk so as not to deflate completely. "Nothing that I cannot cover up-"

"Father! You are not proposing breaking the law simply to fit your own preconceived whims, are you?! Saved from the court's wrath you were once due to false accusations, I will not hesitate to send you back there if you truly try to bend the laws!"

Surprised and, most of all, hurt, Lord Themis lifted his disgruntled gaze to his daughter. "Threatening your own father now, are you, Maribelle? Is this whelp truly worth breaking our family apart?"

"Listen to yourself, Father!" Maribelle gesticulated, feeling increasingly upset. "You are letting your own prejudiced ideals speak before you think! Have you lost all faith in your daughter after these years of war? I told you he is a gifted man that will not bring shame to our name."

Donnel looked from father to daughter as though watching a ball game the whole time. He gulped, his chest being filled with confidence with each word his wife uttered. "I'll prove 'ta ya, Your Lordyfulness, Sir! I still have a lot ta learn, but I'm a good student, I am! Shucks, Teach Miriel gave me full marks in ev'ry subject an' said she ain't got nothin' more ta teach me so I could teach erryone back at my village!"

Used to his way of speaking, Maribelle simply nodded in accordance. "He has a terrifyingly good memory, Father. He's memorized the entire Law Code in only two weeks!" She hummed proudly, "he also has great reflexes and a keen eye for spotting AND solving trouble."

His own personal rage apart, Lord Themis knew he only needed a competent son-in-law to pass the dukedom to. But he was most of all baffled that his daughter let a childish love blind her from reality. There was absolutely no way that that unwashed whelp was fit for her and their land.

Lord Themis couldn't fathom that. "Very well, I shall play along." He crossed his arms, intent on never approving of that boy. "If you pass the tests I give you, I shall bless your union."

"R-really? Yeeehaw!" Donnel hopped, bright-eyed. He hugged his wife by reflex, but Lord Themis' animosity quickly brought him back to his senses, making him let go of her altogether.

"You will not regret this decision, Father." Maribelle gave a soft smile with an approving nod, her hand lingering by Donnel's chest. "Throw whatever you have at us and you shall not be disappointed."

Themis raised one eyebrow at the 'us', but let it slide as he once again put both hands behind his back. "A noble must, above all, have grace, poise and an imposing aura." He scrutinized Donnel with a judging eye, "clearly you lack these on your own feet, however will that change over a horse? It is demanded of a Lord to know how to ride."

Donnel's shoulders sagged visibly, and he had to gulp down a scoff lest he sounded condescending. "Horses? Shucks, ain't that test too easy? I been 'round 'em my whole life."

Lord Themis smirked, making Maribelle finally understand where he was going. He didn't mean-?!

"Clearly you've never met Bucephalus."

Immediately did the villager blush deeply. "Buceph-" He stuttered, then leaned over to Maribelle, shocked. "I-is it a common noble thang ta name yer horses after... this... kinda stuff...?" He coughed, making Maribelle immediately redden in return.

She smacked him with her parasol. "Donnel! Clearly this is not what the name means!" She cleared her throat.

"Owow-" he covered his head with both hands, "there's 'nother meanin' for it? Shucks, but I can't unhear it now."

Exhaling deeply, Themis ignored the childish display and rang a small bell to call for the butler. He then had the servant arrange for their most untamed, ferocious and unruly horse to be brought to the equestrian facility, saddled, if possible, though not exactly necessary. Only one in fifty tries succeeded in saddling that beast, after all.

Maribelle frowned the entire way as they went to the training grounds, not exactly fearing for her husband, but still apprehensive. Meanwhile, Lord Themis had a wide smirk on his face, expecting the boy to run away with his tail behind his legs after being placed face to face with that horse-shaped demon.

"Yeeehaw! Tha's a great breeze from up 'ere!"

Blinking, Lord Themis had to rub his eyes more than once to truly believe in what he was seeing: Not only did Donnel tame that demonic horse, he went through all obstacles with the utmost ease.

"I am seeing things." He mumbled. "It hasn't been two minutes yet."

Maribelle laughed loudly, "excuse me," she apologized, hiding under her open fan. "A diamond in the rough, my lord Father. A diamond in the rough." She said proudly, waving at Donnel as he galloped closer.

"This big boy 'ere's so easy ta control! My old mule could learn a thing or two from 'im."

Flabbergasted, but not about to let that show in his expression, Lord Themis cleared his throat and turned his back to them, adjusting his cravat. "A noble is not only grace, but brains as well. Join me for a game of chess, young man."

Donnel beamed, taking that as a compliment. "Ya see that, Maribelle?! I did it!"

"I never once doubted you would, darling." She hummed, welcoming him as he jumped off of the horse. "Let us go quickly before he forgets what he saw, hmm?"

Not understanding the depth of his feat, Donnel tilted his head to the side, enjoying how Maribelle wrapped her arm against his so he could lead her back to the mansion.

Once there, at the same study they were an hour previous, Donnel placed one fist over his open palm, as though finally realizing something. "Ohh, so this game's name's chess!"

Maribelle felt dread inside her chest. "D-darling, truly we went through this before? Did we not?" She placed squeezed his arm.

With an easygoing smile, Donnel sat at Lord Themis' opposing chair, humming a song or another. "Ya played with me once or twice, methinks... But I played it more with that old fox Robin!"

"Truly? I did not page Robin as an admirer of such a game." Maribelle sat on the nearest fainting couch so as to watch the match.

"He was hard as balls ta beat! I only won a coupla times." He commented absent-mindedly as he thought up the moves.

Humph, Themis scoffed mentally. I am not about to lose to a random villager with no experience in such a fine art-

"How can this be?!" He slammed both hands on the board, shaking the pieces without knocking them over. "I cannot possibly have lost to-"

"Why, Father, you were soundly beat!" Maribelle sounded as surprised as he did, getting up to squeeze her husband's shoulder. "I thought you said you only won a few times, darling?"

"Muh?" Donnel turned to his wife. "Robin was a lot tougher ta beat, though. An' his game was a tad different, too..." He said without thinking, then quickly slapped his mouth with wide eyes. "I-uh, didn't mean no disrespect, sir, uh..."

Lord Themis felt life ebbing away from the tip of his fingers. He lost? To a villager?

Unacceptable.

He still had one last card to play. That whelp would not be able to hold up to that!

"Lastly but no less important; a noble needs to manage his lands appropriately." He tried to compose himself as much as he could, but Maribelle's sneering gaze pierced holes on him as he got up. "I will now show you classified documents that only the lord of the land has access to."

"Classy documents-" Donnel started, but Maribelle elbowed him on the ribs.

"Secret, Donnel. Secret documents." She whispered gravely, not wanting her father to lose any respect Donnel might've earned.

"Owow, aight." He massaged the afflicted area, following Lord Themis to behind his desk.

"I have received these today," Themis whammed a pile of documents over the table. "They are reports from our border villages which include how much shipment we've bought or sold for them as well as the amount of taxes we are receiving from them -- or if there are any overdues. I want you to go over them and give me a solution to a problem that's clearly stated there." He lifted his chin, "I, of course, already went through them and know the answer. Do the same now."

"Father, without proper training, there is no way for a person to manage something as large as our lands in such short notice-" Maribelle walked over to the desk, gripping at her father's sleeve.

Deep in concentration, Donnel took the first paper and tilted his head to the side. "Basically ya wanna me ta fix the problem in 'ere, right?" He scratched his head.

Lord Themis smirked. "Yes, I suppose."

"Aight!" Donnel stuck out his tongue as he usually did when focused, rolling up his sleeves. "Can I sit 'ere, sir? It's a mighty fine chair so I can take these ta read on the floor-"

"You may," Themis did a dismissive wave of hand, turning his back to the young man. "Enjoy it while you can."

"Father!" Maribelle complained. "You are not being reasonable."

"S'okay, Maribelle. Compared to Teach Miriel's classes, this ain't gonna be hard." Donnel scratched the back of his head, crossing both legs over the chair, deep in thought.

"It is still unacceptable." Maribelle turned on her heel to be beside her husband. "He is being stubborn and childish simply because you've shown promise."

"Ah, I found it!" He said suddenly, raising one document up.

"Preposterous. It took me half a day to-- ahem. Do show me, boy."

"I heard 'bout this village 'ere, see? It's real close ta the border and it sells cheap wood for building. An' just cause it's cheap it don't mean it's bad, nuh-huh! Ya can save a lot of money if ya stop buyin' from this old pitch'a wood 'ere and buy from this 'ere village instead! I betcha there're lotsa muscle there to be hired too, so ya'll be makin' more jobs an' having the folks that're missin' the taxes pay 'em on time!"

Midway to Donnel's speech, Lord Themis took his handkerchief out so as to dry the cold sweat dripping down his forehead. That crude boy found a better solution to his own?! "W-who ARE you, boy? Certainly misplaced by birth or-"

"Why, Father, have I not told you? He is a diamond in the rough -- and perhaps, not to rough anymore, hmm?"

"Weh?" Not realizing he had passed every test, Donnel was still focused on the matter of the late taxes. "I was born way at the bonkers, sir, so maybe I was misplaced after all? Hehe!" He smiled brightly, making Themis lower his head.

"I give up." He said finally, feeling his blood pressure shoot up. "I give my blessings or whatever you both want." He whispered. "I... can't wait... to have you in our family... Donnel." Every word a chose to say, Themis didn't look the young man in the eye as he struggled to accept that Donnel was indeed everything Maribelle had paged him for and more.

Curse and bless him at the same time!

"Oh, Father, I knew you would come to!" Maribelle smiled brightly.

"T-that means I passed? B-but I barely did anything, sir!"

"Humble as always, darling. However, a win is a win, so do not undermine your efforts, hmm? Now come here and give me a hug as the newest heir of the Themis house!"

Lord Themis groaned, turning his face away from the scene. "We still need to polish him more." He grumbled, though feeling somewhat lighter than ever. His daughter never smiled like that in his presence, nor did she defend someone so vehemently.

Her happiness was still the first and foremost thing in his mind, after all. He would come to accept her poor choice in husband with time. Time, effort and a lot of getting used to his strange accent.

#donnel #maribelle #donnel x maribelle #fire emblem awakening #fanfic commissions #Yuki's Commissions #my writings

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yourprayer · 6 years

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Pop Culture owns my entire heart!! Idk if you’ve answered this before but do you have explanations as to why you chose the powers you did for the losers? :)

i haven’t and you have no idea how excited i am to answer this (:

this post contains spoilers about the direction of pop culture so if u don’t wanna know don’t read this!!!!!

+im tagging everyone on the pop culture tagslist just in case they do wanna see this and get this good info!

okay so basically the theme i have running is that all of their powers are based in their fears, basically my weird take on the pennywise/fear based concepts of the story. there’s no pennywise in the pop culture universe, but i did really want to play around with the loser’s fears and insecurities because they’re very interesting story plots and i love studying these characters! some of them are more straightforward than others but yeah here’s the rundown;

richie - richie develops the power to turn himself invisible at will, at first with excruciating pain but over time that goes away as he gains control. i chose this power for richie because in my opinion of his characterization his greatest fear is becoming invisible, having everyone forget or not see him. he struggles endlessly with feeling ignored or unnoticed; now he can become exactly that. his secondary power is going to be astral projection. this stems from, in my characterization of him, a constant fear of being unable to be where he’s needed. i think for someone like richie it’s hard to not be there for his friends, hard to be kept away from helping someone. his projections help him be there to witness, but not to act, which to him is a little worse.

mike - mike has pyrokinesis. it’s an easy conclusion to say it stems from his fear of fire, as his family died in a fire, but in the pop culture universe it was not his parents that died, but instead it was his grandfather, and it was from a fire that mike accidentally set. he blames himself for what happened, and fears the lack of control he has over fire and over other things. coming to terms with his power is very hard for him because he sees it as a curse he deserves.

stan - stan develops telekinesis, which is a direct manifestation of his mind power. stan is definitively the loser with the most intuition out of the group and an incredibly sharp person, but because of this he is also more acutely aware than he wants to be of the world around him and some of the shittier things it contains. it’s also an homage to the theory that stephen king wrote the losers as possibly possessing the powers of the shining.(i know matpat’s kind of annoying but tbh this video changed my life and i firmly adhere to it’s logic.) i chose telekinesis over telepathy because i wanted to lmao.

ben - ben becomes a weather manipulator, in a way that’s directly tied to his emotions. the biggest things i got out of reading ben’s sections in the book were that he was pretty devastated by his relationship with his father as a child, and that he had issues expressing his feelings in front of others. to me ben is a wonderful, kindhearted man who is always what others need him to be, but struggles immensely with being honest about what’s going on in his own heart. the idea that the weather changes as he feels makes him terrified because when people see the sky cloud over, they know exactly how he’s feeling, and he’s scared to be that open. the rapidly changing weather is also a reference to the fact that his childhood was so turbulent and things changed constantly.

bev - beverly is both clairvoyant and has psychic visions. she occasionally gets visions that are symbolic of experiences and powers the other kids are dealing with. they’re mostly for story purposes (foreshadowing and hints and whatnot) but are, as mentioned in a previous chapter, something she used to experience as a small child. i for one kind of believe these things can happen (i have a friend who’s family believed she was prophetic as a child and from what they’ve told me i think it’s true) so i included it. her clairvoyance is of a specific kind, basically she can touch people and see their thoughts/memories/intentions if she wants to. the first few times its on accident of course but once she learns control she can use it at free will. these were chosen because i believe bev approaches a lot of her trauma by burying it, and that being confronted with things prevalent from her childhood would deeply frighten her, like the sudden return of her visions. her clairvoyance upsets her because she frankly does not want to know what other people are thinking, since she spent so long in her childhood being told things like the line in the 2017 film “i know exactly what’s in those boys’ minds…” you all know what i’m gettin at.

eddie - eddie is able to manipulate plants/plant life and has extra sensory perception (esp). both are manifested mostly in plant life responding to his anger or distress, again tied to his emotions, and the esp is represented by a heightened sense of panic when danger is present. he can basically sense danger just before it’s supposed to happen, and his body gets a huge rush of adrenaline because of the sensation. this combined with his already heightened sense of general fear appears to most as an extreme panic disorder, which it basically is. there’s also a concept to do with bev’s vision in the newer chapter and the colors. when eddie has a sense that something is about to happen, it comes with a color that is tied to a person, so he knows who is in danger. all i’ll give away so far is that the bowers gang is red. this power upsets him because his biggest fear is his own fear, and the idea that it could get in the way of him being able to do anything when danger comes. the plant manipulation power is a representation of his need to grow, and his ingrained belief he’ll never be able to because of the stifling hands of his mother. he also kind of doesn’t want to grow, or face what comes with that.

bill - bill is a shapeshifter here, which is probably the power i’ll have the hardest time defending. it was largely chosen cause i thought it was cool lmao. but for bill its rooted in his desire to be the person everyone wants him to be, and the fact that that ideal person is constantly shifting and changing. georgie is alive in this au, and bill’s family life is a lot more whole. but bill feels an intense need to be strong for them, and the losers, and be the kind of man and leader they want. he is also struggling immensely with the transition from childhood to adulthood and what that means for his identity in the world. he feels himself so constantly shifting and changing out of distress and desire to be ‘the right thing’.

the powers of the bowers gang are based on mutual fears of the group as a whole towards the bullies, and are as follows;

henry - the power to absorb energy (think kevin bacon in xmfc) because the losers all fear that any effort to overcome their suffering at his hands is futile

patrick - shadow manipulation because the losers all fear the shadowy places in life, knowing the bullies could be waiting anywhere

victor - teleportation, for a similar reason, that idea that the bullies can be anywhere and everywhere

belch - creating copies of himself (think multiple man) because to the losers it always seems like there’s just too fucking many of them

(big thanks to hannah @reddiesetrichie for being a great sounding board for the bullies powers, i rlly needed help picking those

anyways yeah thats the lowdown on who has what and why!!! thank u for letting me ramble about this and i hope it gets yall jazzed up for whats to come

tagslist: @s-s-stutteringbill @gazeboseddie @misssiriusblack @mythgirl96 @crackhousetozier @reddieaddict @wincestklaine @beepbeep-losers @ayyyymichele @megelizabethvh @tapetayloe @flickerflies @ghostbustermike @i-is-gazebo @reddiesetrichie @wyttolff @gayzier @kaspbrak-is-our-king @mikedenbrough @28shoes @nicoperryy @kinghanscom @eddiecare @shadysandi @fyeahreddie

#prior.txt #answered #anon #popcultureverse #popculture info #this was so much fucking fun to get into thank u #i love my kiddos #hope yall are hype about whats coming down the line!!!#i also have a very special gift for yall after chapter ten u aint reddie #see what i did there #okay anyways #enjoiiiii

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castielcoven · 3 years

Text

[ I'm new to Tumblr, give me a break, honestly. Would appreciate some constructive criticism, thanks! Also yes, I'm not the smartest, so *please* no calling me dumb, I already know I am TwT, 3,151 words and weird, old original characters. I doubt anyones gonna read this but if you do good luck 😂]

"Matthew, honey?" Michelle chimed as she heard her front door shut, and in came her son, who was barely smaller than her, he had a very large bruise on the side of his eye.

"Hey mama…" He mumbled, she sighed sadly and held the boy's hand, pulling him gently to the kitchen and getting an ice pack after he sat down, the all too familiar small hissing sound coming from beside him. Matthew smiled softly as he looked at his adorable de-fanged snake hissing at him gently, wanting attention. He giggled and pet her head gently, she began to slither her way up into Matthew's lap, her forked tongue licking his nose softly. He laughed and kissed Nature's head softly. Michelle smiled.

"There hasn't been any new updates on the court case." She sighed, pulling out her phone and snapping a photo of his black eye and bruise. "Are there anymore?" She asked, looking at him, Matthew nodded and set Nature on the kitchen table, standing up and pulling his turtle neck off. Michelle cringed and inhaled sharply at her sons bruised and scabbed over torso. "Gods...Baby, I'm so sorry. I ought to have full custody of you by now, but there are these other people trying to fight for you…" She told, shaking and taking the pictures.

"Really…? Who?" He asked, pulling on his turtle neck again and sitting down. Nature slithered in his lap after waiting patiently while Matthew pulled up his tights to show the bruises on his legs, Michelle sighed sadly and took the pictures.

"A doctor and cop. I don't know who they are, they're anonymous, and the judge won't even tell me why they're fighting for you. I promise you baby, I'll win this court case. You'll be safe in my arms soon." She shook and sobbed a bit, hugging Matthew who nodded and hugged her back, Nature smushed between them, but the snake wasn't complaining.

"I hope so…" He shook, clutching her. "I'm gonna go lay down...I-I need a nap…" He shook, biting his lip softly.

"Alright honey. I'll wake you up for lunch." She told, pressing a gentle kiss to his bruise. Matthew just took Nature, going up to his room, setting her on the bed gently as he went to change into thermals. He shuddered and bit his lip as he looked at himself in his full body mirror. It was their routine for a while. He would come home from a tortuous week of beatings from his father, he would walk half way across town to his mothers since his father refused to drive him, he would strip and she'd take photos for evidence against his father, he'd put his clothes on and take a nap. It was stupid, and tedious, but he couldn't help it. He desperately wanted his schedule to change, wanting SOMETHING, to be different, but so far, nothing was popping up.

"Hi there, miss! My name is Jacob Otori, I- Oh! Mrs. Anderson, hi!" Jacob laughed, Michelle giggled.

"Hi there Jacob, odd for you to come to my house, eh?" She giggled. Matthew heard the all too familiar voice of his crush and patted out of his room to listen to the conversation.

"I didn't know it was your house! It's very nice, ma'am!" He smiled. "I was going around and promoting the fundraiser. I wanna beat last year's goal. We raised just above 300k last time, I'm aiming for 750k this time." He smiled brightly. Michelle looked at him shocked.

"Wow, you certainly are confident. We are just a small town, Jacob." She sighed with a smile.

"It was Natali who set the goal, I really just said I wanna beat how much we raised last year, I didn't really have a say since she's the treasurer." He giggled.

"I find it amazing. I'm definitely donating this year. Oh! Do you wanna come in? Matthews here for the weekend, he's taking a nap at the moment, but he always wakes up in around an hour. Would you like some tea?" She smiled.

"Oh, Matthew? Like the one with the wildly dyed hair?...I barely really know him, I didn't know you had a son." He smiled awkwardly. 'I have heard of him, everyone says he's a freak, though...I should give everyone a chance, those are just rumors. And I need a break, talking to people is tiring…'

"Oh, yes. I sometimes forget he dyes his hair, it obviously doesn't look natural, but he's had it for so long it just looks normal to me." She hummed.

"I wouldn't want to be a bother…" He smiled again, chuckling awkwardly.

"I'm gonna tell you the truth because you're such a good guy, Jacob, but Matthew has a hard time making friends since he's so anti-social. I know he doesn't have any friends at school, and I'm just trying to get him at least a caring friend like you. Im aware of all of the rumors about him, and I'll tell you most of them aren't true. There's a lot that's been going on lately, I'm trying to win custody of him from his father, but that isn't going well…" She admitted, looking down. Jacob was a bit shocked, but intrigued. "It's been the same thing over and over every time he comes here, I can tell he's stressed and school isn't helping, nor is my counseling. I just want to make sure he has a friend I know is a good influence on him and is a sweet caring person. Especially one he can tell things that he wont tell me, it is sometimes better to get it out in the open than just keep it bottled up. I know he's not telling me quite a few things, and I just want to make sure he's okay. So please do me a favor and at least attempt to befriend my anti-social son?" She hummed, looking up at Jacob with a slightly pleading look in her eyes. Jacob was very prone to giving in to puppy dog eyes.

"Of course, ma'am. I've actually been trying to figure out a way to approach him, not only because of all of the rumors, but there have been major scenes with him, like passing out in class, his panic attacks...I'm not making fun of him or anything, but a lot of the other kids did...And I just recently realized he was in most of my classes. When I started actually paying attention to him, no one really notices him, and sometimes he'll just leave the room without saying anything. The teachers know it too, they'll either watch him, or ask a student to go check on him." He ranted, looking away awkwardly. "And I've caught him staring at me multiple times, I think that's what made it so hard to approach him. Most of the rumors I've heard about him is that he's gay and has a crush on me. I don't really mind, but everyone makes it seem like such a bad thing." He told, Michelle listened, pulling Jacob into her home, which he obliged too. Matthew was still listening.

"Matthew isn't very mentally stable. He has insomnia, very bad anxiety, not to mention he was always and is bullied due to looking like and dressing like a girl." She sighed.

"I don't see a problem with it, really. I don't understand why some kids bully this practically invisible kid because he doesn't like to act his gender. Natali and Tash both act more manly than me and no one bullies them." He chuckled bashfully, Michelle giggled.

"If only more people had your mindset Jacob, such an uplifting personality. Matthew comes to my office anytime he feels like he's going to have a panic attack. I'm guessing he's noticed your staring lately, because its people looking at him that stresses him out." She smiled.

"Oh…! I'm very sorry, I didn't realize...I guess it was always weird he just left the room without alarm whenever I stared at him." He mumbled, sighing.

"I tell the teachers about Matthew, they feel bad for him, so they basically let him do what he wants, as long as he gets his work done. Which he always does." She sighed, glancing up at the stairs and seeing Matthew up there she perked up, giggling a bit. "Matt, it's not nice to eavesdrop." She mentioned, making Matthew jump and Jacob raise an eyebrow before turning around and looking at the boy, who squeaked and ran to his room. Jacob was a bit confused while Michelle giggled. "He eavesdrops a lot. He's quite sneaky. Like you said, he's practically invisible." She smiled.

"Ah, yeah." He sighed, giggling softly.

"Oh, and if he does come down, just a warning he had a bad bruise on his eye, he told me it was some bullies at school." She sighed a bit, Jacob immediately felt bad, but he also wondered how bad it was.

"Ah, I'm sorry ma'am. I let myself think I always catch the bullying at school, but clearly not." He mumbled.

"It's okay, sweetie, no ones perfect. Thats half of the reason I want Matthew to have friends...You would tell me whats going on, while he doesn't tell me the names of his bullies because he doesn't want to get them in trouble." She sighed, shaking her head softly. "Matt? Are you gonna come down?" She called out, Matthew was shaking a bit, thinking it over. "Come on, honey. Jacobs here, he's a classmate, don't you think you should at least greet him?" She told.

"Uhmmm...No?" He asked more as a question.

"Maaaatt." Michelle sighed, Matthew just padded off to his own room. "Sorry...He's not good around people. Especially not any that are his age." She sighed. "I'm going to get a kettle boiling. Feel free to go and talk to Matt." She smiled, standing up and walking to the kitchen. Jacob smiled and nodded, this was his chance to befriend the weird kid. He stood up, beginning to walk upstairs, he got to the door he thought was Matthews, beginning to knock on it. Said boy had creaked his door open to watch him knock on the door.

"Uhm...Matthew?" He asked out, looking at the door.

"That's the bathroom." The adorable bluenette mentioned quietly, the redhead flinched and turned around, his face bright red as he looked at the half of Matthews being from behind the door.

"Right…! I knew that!" He looked away awkwardly, making Matthew giggle. Jacob was a bit astonished he made the unusually quiet boy laugh. He was the first time he had even heard his voice. "Ah, uh- c-can I come in??" He smiled. "You were listening in on our conversation...I don't know for how long but you probably heard I had been looking for a way to approach you, y'know to be your friend." He smiled.

"I was listening since the beginning. You don't have to be my friend just because my mom asked you too. I'm the weird kid, you don't have to pretend like I'm any normal person." He hummed, looking at the floor.

"Its not just because of what your mom said! I really had been trying to find a way to talk to you, but anytime I tried, you just ended up walking out of the classroom…" He told.

"I didn't know why you were staring at me, it was stressing me out." He mumbled, looking away as his face lit up slightly.

"Understandable, but really, I do wanna be your friend. I guess we should get properly acquainted first." He hummed, clearing his throat and bowing politely. "My name is Jacob Otori, I'm from Japan, I'm 17 and I know both Chinese and Japanese." He smiled, Matthew giggled a bit at the formal introduction. "Now your turn, if you wanna, that is." He smiled patiently.

"U-uhmm...I-I'm Matthew Anderson, I'm 16, going to be 17 in October...U-uhm...I-I'm from Canada, I can s-speak French, G-Greek and Latin." He explained, shaking and looking away awkwardly, wondering if he sounded like he was bragging.

"You can speak French and Greek?? Wow! Honestly, Chinese and Japanese are so boring, but you got to have the tongue of a GOD to speak that complicated stuff!" He laughed, smiling. Matthew giggled, which actually turned into a laugh.

"Well...I-It is hard...B-But I can try to teach you." He mumbled, looking away slightly and shifting around.

"Really?! You would? Thats awesome!" He smiled brightly, Matthew smiled back awkwardly, but it was a genuine smile.

"Yeah...Uhm...Y-you can come in, but...uh…" He blushed madly, looking away in a bit of embarrassment.

"I'm not gonna judge you for anything you say, have, or do. Unless its just that bad, which you don't even look like you're capable of doing." He giggled, Matthew just laughed back awkwardly.

"O-okay...But it's still kind of embarrassing since I've never had anyone over before. My room's a bit...girly." He told, blushing. And opening his door, dashing back in slightly. Jacob just raised an eyebrow and walked in, finally seeing what Matthew meant. It looked like a room Natali would enjoy. The walls were a milk pink, the ceiling lined with star fairy lights which were illuminating a room. There was also a floor lamp and more than enough pop band posters literally any teenage girl would be obsessed with. He had a full sized bed, which was incredibly messy, but he had a cotton pink and blue blanket with bright white pillows. He had a small TV on a vanity which had makeup and school supplies around it, a few bean bags, and a rug and in the corner, the opposite of his bed, was a huge tank, but Nature was nowhere to be found. He also had a closet in the corner.

"Woah." He was only able to say. "This looks like a damn sanctuary! If only my room looked like this." He laughed. Matthew blushed.

"Really? It's so girly, though." He mumbled.

"So? I like girly things. I would kill for a room like this!" He laughed, Matthew smiled and giggled.

"Well...uhm, thanks." He giggled, smiling adorably. Jacob just smiled back.

"What do you wanna do? We could have a sleepover! My parents went out to fly home for their anniversary, so I'm free to do whatever." He hummed.

"S-sure...I'm sure mom wouldn't mind. And i-its an excuse to stay here instead of going to my fathers." He mumbled.

"Is it too personal to ask, or can I ask what exactly is bad at your dads? There are rumors around the school that he beats you, but your mom said most of those rumors aren't true." He asked, looking at Matthew who curled up to himself silently. Jacob immediately took that as a yes. He gasped quietly and crawled onto his bed with him, hugging him as gently as he could. "I'm sorry...My dads a cop, you know. We could report him." He told, rubbing his side gently as Matthew leaned into his touch.

"H-he always wins assault court cases. No one knows how...Its been difficult for mama to get custody of me because there's a third couple trying to get me. She doesn't know them, and I don't know them. They're anonymous…" He told, shaking and snuggling into him.

"Well my dad would make sure he gets to prison. This isn't just assault, its child abuse, Matt. Child endangerment, and this third party trying to get you? Who knows what's going on, but my parents would help your mother get custody of you." He mumbled, Matthew sniffled a bit.

"Please don't tell anybody the rumour is true…" He told, his lip quivering.

"Hey, hey, don't cry. I'm not going to tell anyone. I can't believe someone actually spread around something that personal, and not to mention they make fun of you for it." He sighed, pressing a small kiss to Matthews forehead, making the small Canadian blush madly.

"Th-thanks…" He mumbled, shaking. "W-wanna watch some TV? We have cable, but we also have hulu and netflix." He giggled quietly. "The desk I have is for natures tank and not the TV, so we have to sit on the beanbags." He smiled, pointing to the two purple beanbags sitting on the fuzzy rug.

"Ah, so...What is Nature? Like what kind of animal is it? I don't recognize the tank…" He told, following Matthew, watching him plop down on the beanbag, sitting on the other one as he grabbed the remote.

"Nature's my snake." He told as if it weren't a psychotic thing, Jacob stared at him.

"That's the last kind of pet I'd expect you to have." He mumbled, Matthew laughed.

"I have a mouse too, his names Dumpy." He told, pointing to the small cage underneath the vanity that was previously unseen.

"Dumpy?" Jacob laughed. "What kind of snake do you have? I'm surprised it hasn't eaten the mouse…" He admitted.

"Natures a domesticated snake. She's an Inland Taipan." He told, Jacob flinched and looked at Matthew dead in the eye.

"That is literally the most poisonous snakes in the world!" He called out in shock, looking around to find the snake, she wasn't in her tank and that was suddenly stressing him out.

"She domesticated, don't worry. She doesn't bite, she's actually really sweet, I've had her since I was six." He hummed. "She's 11 years old and I pulled out her fangs when I was little." He told.

"You're being serious?! You ripped out the most poisonous snake evers fangs?!" He stared at him with a startled expression.

"I don't really know where Nature is." He told, whistling a few times.

"Don't call her please-" He begged as a slithering was heard, her head popping out from under the door and slithering in, Matthew smiled as Jacob yelped and fell off of the beanbag.

"She's fine, really. Nature, show Jacob your teeth." He told the snake who slithered over to him, staying a lengths away, smelling his fear. She opened her mouth and showed her lack of fangs. "You can pet her, really she isn't violent." Matthew giggled and walked over, Nature watching her master. "Nature, love on Jacob." He smiled, petting her head softly as she slithered over to the Japanese American man, looking at him.

"Why's it staring at me." He asked, staring back at her.

"Let out your hand." Matthew giggled. "You saw she doesn't have fangs, shes harmless." He giggled. Jacob was still hesitant. "Nature, bite me. Show him you're harmless." He told, holding out his hand, Nature immediately dashed and bit in his hand, pulling away and licking Matthews hand and looking at Jacob, making sure he was looking at the nonexistent bites on her master's hand.

#original character #original story #unfinished #high school au #awkwardteenagemoments #im probably wrong #im bad at tags #im new to tumblr #dont judge me #please

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yoon-kooks · 7 years

Text

Lie- Part 14

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Angst / Fluff

Summary: There was a time when you loved him and he hated you. Now you hate him, but does he love you?

Parts: 0 // 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // 10 // 11 // 12 // 13 // 14 // 15 // 16 // 17 // FINAL

During your lunch break, you sat alone in the library to study for one of your upcoming biology exams. On most days, you and Jimin would eat together, but he also had obligations with his dance group at least once a week during lunch. You’d be lying if you said it wasn’t a little lonely without him, but it was also good to have some space away from the boy. Always being so close to him, you wondered if Jimin ever thought of you as a burden, something holding him back. Because that was the last thing you wanted to be.

“Hey, you’re Y/N, right?” You jumped at the sound of two girls interrupting your reading on natural selection. They looked and sounded familiar, but you weren’t sure of how they knew you.

You nodded slowly as they helped themselves to the two empty seats next to you at the table.

“We saw you walk home with Park Jimin the other day?” the girl with the messy bun said. You assumed she was talking about how you had waited for Jimin after his dance practice. She and her friend must’ve been the same girls that had been fawning over him during that time.

“What’s your relationship with him?” the ponytail girl added with a nudge of her pointy elbow into your arm. You certainly did not appreciate their attempt at being chummy with you. If anything, they were only talking to you because they knew you were close with Jimin.

“We’re friends.” You rubbed your arm.

“Just friends?” Messy Bun raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms.

“Yeah.”

“So you’ll gladly support me if I asked him out on a date, right?” Ponytail spoke in a passive-aggressive cheerful voice and batted her long eyelashes at you. She looked ready to pounce at any second if you didn’t give her the response she was looking for.

You didn’t answer. Of course, you wouldn’t support that. Maybe you would’ve been supportive if the girl actually took the time to get to know Jimin, or at least showed any kind of respect towards you. But there was no way you were going to hand your friend over to someone rude like that.

“Aww, you have a crush on him too, don’t you?” Messy Bun thought she was so smart. It might’ve been the truth, but she or her friend knew nothing about the kind of relationship you and Jimin had. It was already a very touchy subject for you, and they definitely didn’t have any right to take jabs at you about it.

“Jimin rejected you, huh. Let me guess—friendzoned? It’s okay, we won’t tell anyone!” Ponytail said in an awfully loud and obnoxious voice. You noticed other students were popping their heads up from their books to see what was happening. Attracting attention was something you always tried not to make a habit of, but the two girls weren’t helping at all. You just wanted them to leave you alone.

“I never rejected Y/N.” You felt a set of warm hands on your shoulders. That alone was almost enough to bring tears to your eyes. Jimin had said ‘no’ to your face so many times over the years. So many times, that you had lost count and almost accepted the fact that you and him would never be anything more than friends. And yet, there he was, lying through his teeth in front of everyone only for your sake. “In fact, we’re going to Big Bang’s concert together this weekend.” He waved bye to the girls before grabbing your biology textbook in one hand and your hand in the other to pull you away from the mess.

“Jimin,” you called as soon as the two of you were out of the library. “You didn’t have to lie for my sake, you know. Everyone’s gonna think we’re dating now…”

“Y/N, don’t worry about that,” he said softly, pulling you to a stop. But his own eyes were filled with worry. “Those girls were messing with you because of me, right?”

You shook your head. The girls might’ve approached you merely because you were associated with Jimin, but that didn’t make the situation his fault. It wasn’t his fault that the girls were rude. Nor was it his fault that you were too weak to stand up for yourself. And you hated how he automatically blamed himself and took responsibility for it.

“Let me know if something like that happens again, okay?” He looked at you as if the whole situation had hurt him as much as it had hurt you. But you couldn’t just ask him for help and interrupt one of his get-togethers with his dance friends. That would only make you a burden to him.

“Jimin, I’ll be fine.” You had to be strong.

“Are you sure…?”

“Yes, I’m sure.” You smiled at the boy and tried to change the topic quickly. “So what was that about a Big Bang concert?” You weren’t sure if he had just said that to put up a façade in front of those girls and the rest of the students in the library, or if he was serious. Because you had always been under the impression that he wasn’t into idols.

“I won a pair of free tickets, so let’s go together, okay?” His eyes brightened up.

“Thank you, Jimin.” Part of you felt like he was only trying to make you feel better after being bullied, but a larger part of you wanted to believe that he was actually asking you out on a date. Either way, you were grateful that he would always be there for you whenever you needed him.

Out of nowhere, you wrapped your arms around the boy, trying to take in as much of his warmth and comfort as possible. You knew it was only a matter of time before the boy pushed you away like he had whenever you got too touchy. Except this time, he didn’t. He just let you hold him for as long as you wanted. He knew exactly how much you needed him in that moment.

You were aware of how selfish it was, but you didn’t want to let go.

After you hugged Jungkook goodbye, you entered your apartment and tossed your bag to the side before hopping onto your bed with your phone. The first thing you did was check the text Yoora had sent you earlier during your date.

9:06PM Yoora “hey i know its late but lets meet up”

9:39PM Y/N “ya sure! come over anytime~”

9:40PM Y/N “i just got back from a date with kook”

9:45PM Yoora “ok”

Yoora only lived a few minutes away from you, so your apartment had always been the designated meeting place for nighttime chats and gossip. Surely this time was no different. She probably just couldn’t wait to share some good news about her and Jimin. Then you could tell her about your fun date with Jungkook. And everything would be fine.

You opened the door as soon as you heard a knock, but to your surprise, your friend didn’t look excited at all. You could only think of one explanation for the puffiness and redness in her eyes. She must’ve taken your advice and asked Jimin out only to be rejected. But that was only half of the reason for her tears.

“Hey what happened?” You pulled the girl through the doorway and sat her down on your bed, handing her a box of tissues. “Is it about Jimin?”

“Y/N, you knew.”

“I knew what?”

“You knew he’d reject me.”

“How could I have known that?”

“Y/N, Jimin’s your childhood friend, isn’t he?”

You didn’t say anything. Jimin had clearly told Yoora your secret. But before you could even be angry at the boy, you were terrified of losing Yoora’s trust. Your mind flooded with regret—you should’ve told her yourself before she had to find out the hard way from Jimin. The damage could’ve been limited, but now you couldn’t even blame Yoora if she walked out on you for good. You were a terrible friend.

“How could you not tell me about that?”

“I just couldn’t!” You could never bring yourself to tell Yoora that the love of her life used to be the love of your life. If you had told her Jimin was your childhood friend, there would’ve been no way to leave out the fact that you had also been so in love with him. And although you had told yourself that you no longer had those feelings for the boy, you were certain that your history with Park Jimin would’ve been enough to build tension in your friendship with Yoora.

“But you still encouraged me to ask him out when you knew he had feelings for someone else?”

“I was only trying to help you and him by-”

“Well thanks. You literally ruined everything.”

“Yoora, please-”

“Honestly, it’s whatever. I just wish you didn’t lie about it to my face.”

“I wasn’t trying to lie… I just wasn’t ready to tell you yet…”

“Y/N, am I not your best friend? The least you could’ve done was trust in me.”

“I’m so sorry, Yoora…” Those were the last words to said to your friend before she slammed your door shut on the way out. But you knew that apology would never be enough.

Before you knew it, a whole week had passed since your fight with Yoora and the Bangtan concert in Seoul was approaching. At that point, you were expecting to go to the concert alone, rather than follow through with the original plans to go with your friend.

All you could do was sigh. First you had lost Jimin, and now even Yoora wouldn’t speak to you. And it would probably only be a matter of time before Jungkook left you as well. You felt so alone.

But you had no one else to blame but yourself. If only you had been more open and honest with your friends. What were you actually trying to accomplish by keeping everything a secret? Were you really trying to protect them? Or was it only to protect yourself?

Buzz! You lifted your head from your pillow to check your phone, somewhat expecting it to be someone with the wrong number.

6:06AM Kookie “are you excited for tomorrow???????????!!!!1”

6:09AM Y/N “whats tomorrow?”

6:13AM Kookie “the concert!!😡😡”

6:14AM Y/N “lol im kidding”

6:15AM Y/N “ofc i remembered the concert!”

6:16AM Y/N “and why tf are you up so early??”

6:18AM Kookie “im just anxious😳😳”

6:21AM Y/N “for the concert and tour?”

6:22AM Kookie “yA! and im just excited youll be in the crowd~”

6:24AM Y/N “but its not like youll actually see me in such a large stadium😂”

6:25AM Kookie “ill find you bc youre special🙈🙈”

6:27AM Y/N “k im taking your word on it😂”

6:28AM Kookie “wait!! at least tell me what section youll be sitting in?”

6:30AM Y/N “thats cheating! what happened to finding me bc im special??”

6:31AM Y/N “lol jk thats bullshit. ill be standing in the pit😘”

6:34AM Kookie “okaaay got it👍👍”

6:35AM Kookie “actually ima go back to sleep now😪”

6:36AM Y/N “me too bc someone wOKE ME UP”

6:36AM Kookie “😪😪😂”

But as much as you wanted to fall back asleep, you couldn’t. Whether or not Jungkook really meant it when he said you were special, his words stuck with you. He never failed to put a smile on your face, and you were just so grateful that he hadn’t given up on you yet. What did you ever do to deserve a boy like him?

And from his messages, you were reminded that you weren’t alone. Even without Jimin or Yoora around, or even Jungkook when he left for tour, somehow you knew you’d be okay. From somewhere, you had gained that strength.

Buzz! You wondered what else Jungkook had to say, or if he forgot to mention something earlier. But it wasn’t a text from him.

10:23AM Yoora “um hey”

10:24AM Yoora “im really sorry i got upset with you about the jimin thing”

10:26AM Yoora “i mean, im still kinda upset but i get where you were coming from”

10:27AM Yoora “i know you meant well and ill forgive you if you forgive me”

10:28AM Yoora “we were gonna go to the concert together, right?”

You just stared at your phone screen in disbelief. You’d never thought Yoora would forgive you so easily. Not that you were doubting your friendship, but you thought you had really fucked up. You didn’t expect her to be the one reaching out to you because you thought that would’ve been your responsibility. Yoora was nice and had always been a great friend, but part of you knew something else was up. Someone had talked her into making up with you. He himself hadn’t spoken to you in what felt like ages, but you knew it was Jimin.

#bts scenarios #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts angst #jimin #bts #bts fluff #bangtan #jimin x reader #jimin fanfic #lie

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acefaerie · 7 years

Text

I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups.

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time.

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested was enough for Tanya.

besides my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her.

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”.

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever”

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries. he treats me well and i love him, Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again.

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

#suicide mention #personal #abuse #homophobia #aphobia

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mclennunf · 7 years

Text

This Boy - Chapter 31

A/N: yes its a day early!! enjoy :)

~John's~

"You got bloody married?!" George shot up off his kitchen chair and onto his feet, running over to the doorway where I was standing and throwing his arms around me. "That we did!" I chuckled, hugging him back. "Sit down, sit down! Have a cuppa tea." George was nearly vibrating he was so happy. "I'm sorry Paul wasn't the one to tell ye." I apologized as I sat down with him at the table. "It's alright, mate! I can understand why it needed to be just between the two of ye." George brushed it off, and poured my tea.

"So tell me about it! I thought there might have been a reason for you two runnin' off so soon before the trial." George was extremely intrigued. I was never one to talk gushy shite. "Ah Paul will fill you in on all the soft details, Geo." I laughed, blowing on my tea. "Speaking of the trial.." I sighed. "You're nervous, huh?" George observed, crossing his legs and allowing his face to drop to a more serious expression. "'Course I am. But, you should see Paul. He's a nervous wreck." I went on.

"Sharing our emotions now, John? Thought you didn't dig the soft talk." George joked with me. "Nah I'm only joking, go on, mate." George went back to being serious. "Ah. He was just a shaky mess yesterday, mate." I explained. "Where is he now, then?" George asked, tilting his head like a small puppy. "He wanted t'spend some time with Mike and Gin. Although Gin said she's takin' Mike into Blackpool.. I think Paul just wants some time alone." I admitted, still worried for my husband. "Don't sweat that, John. We both know how Paul can get, he's a worrier. He's an anxious worrier, making it that much worse." George rambled a little bit. I knew he was right, but I couldn't help but worry.

"Yer right, 'e probably just wants some time to think, y'know, prepare himself." I nodded as I sipped on my hot tea. "I was meanin' t'ask Paul this, but I suppose yer just as good..." George began as he stood up to rinse out his now empty cup. "What's that?" I raised an eyebrow and him curiously. "Well, y'know, since I was there for pretty much the whole damned ordeal.. D'ye think Paul would want me to y'know, testify or whatever?" He asked as he sat back down. I smiled at the thought. That would help so much! Paul would feel much better with his best mate up on the stand with him. "George, I know it's not me place t'say, but I think that's a bloody brilliant idea." I agreed excitedly. "Ye do?!" George asked, his eyes wide. "Yeah, mate. That would help our case substantially, plus I think it would help relax our Paul." I told him. I knew it would help. George had always been there for the both of us, but at the end of the day, he was always there for Paul.

"It makes me sick t'think there's even a slight chance that he won't be sentenced guilty." George added, looking sincerely sick to his stomach. "I think there's a 99% chance of him going away for good, mate. Don't you start worryin' on me, I've already got enough doubt on me hands dealin' with Paul." I tried to joke, but I was serious. I knew this was going to be a bumpy road for all of us. "Y'know I'm gonna worry, mate. You both almost died 'cause of this bastard." George so brutally reminded me. "I know. Those were horrible days, weren't they?" I chuckled a little bit to hide my uneasiness. "Seems like yesterday, though. You came into his life and changed it forever. I could never have done what you did." George became oddly serious. "What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled and concerned for his response. "I mean, you all of a sudden just cared so much. You're the reason he all-of-a-sudden had the courage to stand up t'his father and say no. Remember? When he was tellin' Paul 'n Mike they were moving to Scotland?" George asked, reminding me of the day my husband was almost beaten to death.

"Ye, I remember. Jim almost killed Paul for that. Can't say I'm proud for bein' the reason behind it..." I said with an odd tone, unsure of whether or not I was mad at George for saying that or not. "Nah, mate I don't mean it's your fault he got hurt. I mean you're responsible for giving the kid some damn respect for himself." George smiled slightly as he spoke. I looked at him with disbelief. "You know how Paul was treated at home and at school. If you were him, would you have any self respect either? Betcha' he doesn't think he deserves you." George hit the nail on the head with that one. I knew Paul, and I knew he felt that way. "Yer right. I'm worried because I don't think he sees what Jim did t'him t'be a big deal, y'know? Like just because it was him. If it had been Mike, it'd be different. I think he's worried the judge might see it the same way. If that makes sense." I tried to explain, realizing I was just spewing out my thoughts all at once on George.

"No no, I know what you're tryin' t'say. But mate, I gotta say, when he has someone who loves him as much as you do... I don't think ye 'ave much t'worry about. He's gonna do this, and he's gonna do great." George smiled. Sometimes it was easily forgotten how George was younger than both Paul and I because of how wise he could be. He had such an old soul, and I loved that about him. "Thanks mate." I smiled at George as I spoke. "You two might want to consider telling Ritchie about ye two as well. He's gettin' suspicious." George warned me. "I'm not worried about Ritchie. We'll tell him soon. I'm sure he'll be coming to the trial, yeah?" I asked. "Of course he will! He's gotta be there to support you lads." George told me with a wide smile. "Y'know, I know that rubbish was hard on you too, Geo." I said in a low voice. "It was, yeah." George's smile faded rather quickly. "I know he's your husband now, but he's always been me best mate. I've almost watched him die one too many times, bloody hell, I dream about it still." George admitted, standing up to pour himself another cup of tea nervously.

"George..." I tried to begin, but he wasn't finished yet. "I tried t'fuckin' help 'im, y'know?" He went on. He poured his tea down the drain and opened the cupboard, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. I smirked at the sight. "I knew as soon as his Mum died that things weren't goin' well. Even told me Mum and Dad, they went over there to talk to Jim and he seemed as right as rain." He poured our glasses almost to the rim as he spoke. "Me parents were mad at me, can you believe that? They said I had accused a sorrowing man of abusing his son when all he was doing was mourning the loss of his wife." George took a large gulp, as did I, and we both made a twisted face at the cheap whiskey taste. "Not long after that, the bugger started comin' t'school with a black eye, or cigarette burns on 'is arms. Bloody teachers just thought 'e was gettin' bullied." George was pouring out his horrible memories of his best mate, my husband. It made my heart ache. "Finally I showed up at the McCartney's house unannounced. Which as you know, is quite unlike me. I was goin' t'knock, but I heard Mike screamin', 'e was just a wee baby then. I walked in and that was the first time I found Paul unconscious gettin' repeated blows to the head from his father." George stared down into his glass as he spoke.

My heart was beating fast. I had never considered the fact that this whole situation didn't just mess up Paul, Mike and I, bu it had also clearly messed up our mate pretty bad. "Did Jim come at you?" I asked, the words slipping out of my mouth before I could stop them. I took a long drink from my cup, the same twisted face followed. "Nah. I grabbed Mike and ran home. Got me parents, and of course they called the police. Paul and Mike stayed with us for about a week until the police thought Jim was fit to go home, blamed it on Mary's death." George shook his head again. "D'ye think that's why he started drinkin' so much, though?" I asked, once again not controlling my filter. "Yeah, I do. But the resemblance between Paul and Mary was uncanny. I think it scared Jim, y'know?" George added and I finally watched his face soften. "You knew Mary?" I asked, with a hopeful voice. "Yes! Oh, John you would've loved Mary. Such a sweet woman she was." George smiled as he topped off both of our glasses.

"Paul doesn't talk about 'er much." I said, noticing the alcohol begin to blur my vision even more so than it already was. I pulled my glasses out of my pocket and placed them on my face. "You don't talk about Julia much." George said. His words floored me, I hadn't expected him to bring up Julia. "Well Geo, I didn't know her very well." I sighed. I felt more comfortable now that I had some liquor in my system, otherwise I would've gotten defensive about Julia. "I know, but you should know you can talk about 'er." George tried to comfort me. I smiled at his attempt. I had never really had conversations like this with anybody but Paul, it was refreshing.

"Julia was lovely. Unfit to be my mother, I guess. Or maybe I was unfit to be her son." I sighed as I spoke. "What makes ye say that?" George asked. "Well she was ill, y'know. She couldn't quite handle it. Of course she could when she remarried and had a whole new family. I'm glad I reconnected with 'er, but I also hate that I lost 'er twice." These words were some that I'd never said to anybody before. "I'm sorry, mate." George said, rather quietly. "Ah, it's all over now. I've got you guys for a family now. Dysfunctional and broken, but we're family mate." I smiled at him, watching a smile grow on his face too. I felt myself begin to choke up. I cleared my throat and took another swig of my drink. "So much for not gettin' soft." I laughed, George joining me.

"Well, Geo. As lovely as this as been, I best go check on my husband and make sure he's not gone stroppy on me." I said as I finished my drink, standing up and immediately feeling the alcohol in my wobbly legs. "Alright mate. Come by later, if you and Paul wanna help me finish this bottle to celebrate the secret wedding." George joked as he walked with me to the door. "Ta for everything, mate." I smiled, definitely drunk. "Aye, thank you." George nodded and watched me leave.

It was raining lightly as I walked back to Paul's house, quite refreshing considering I was a little but drunk. I thought about what George had said felt quite guilty. I had never thought about how the whole situation may have effected him in the long run, and it obviously had substantially. I arrived at Paul's and opened the door quietly, realizing it was passed Mike's bedtime. I kicked off my shoes and peered around to see where Paul was. Gin must have been in bed, or else she would've been in her usual spot on the couch reading her books. Paul sat at the kitchen table, looking oddly similar to the scene I had just left at George's. He sat with a bottle of whiskey on the table and a glass, except he was alone. "M'love?" I called to him as I slowly entered the room. "Bad day?" I asked, sitting down across from him. Paul's eyes were blood shot, as if he had seen a ghost. "Paul, yer scarin' me. What's going on?" I asked, reaching across for his hands. He quickly pulled away, his sudden movement scared me. "Paul!" I almost shouted, being cautious of his sleeping family upstairs.

"I can't do this, John." Paul finally looked up at me, revealing tears streaming down both of his cheeks. My heart nearly stopped, my drunken stomach flipped. "Can't do what?" I asked, noticing he was playing with his wedding ring. "No, what the hell do you mean?" I asked sounding a little more angry. "I can't..." Paul began sobbing into his hands. I looked at the bottle of whiskey on the table and noticed there was maybe only a shot left. He was knackered, more so than I was. "I'm going to stay at Mimi's tonight and I'll give you some space." I said as I stood up, heading toward the door. "John?" I heard his small voice say from behind me. I had to repress the anger I was feeling toward him right then. I turned around slowly. "Yes, Paul?" I said, trying to sound soft and sweet.

"I love you."

"I love you too, m'love."

#mclennon #mclennon fanfiction #this boy

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lalunangel · 4 years

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Tolerance.. do I have much of it?

When I was 10 I roughly discovered that my mom was extremely abusive because normal kids didn’t go around seeing pools of blood staining carpets and fist fights with parents who are way too big to be hitting kids. I didn’t do much then other that start self harming and that was enough in its own. So young and my only way out was possible death. Not much else I could do.. I could put up with so much. I could do lying. Cheating. I could handle hitting. Screaming matches. I could tolerate the motherload of anger thrown my way for a large majority of my life. I could deal with my dad hitting me and getting kept from school because of not wanting to be caught with my bruises. I could keep silent about a lot of things because my tolerance for things like that.. was very high. At some point while living with my dad.. I got a really great piece of advice. “Sometimes getting angry about being mistreated isn’t such a bad thing” at first I didn’t even want to test the boundaries of my anger. It’s not something I’m BUILT for. Well I wasn’t programmed to get angry. I wasn’t programmed to argue back. I wasn’t wired correctly like other children to actually understand that emotion at first. When I got angry I’d sleep.. I’d hide. I wouldn’t talk and I’d smile at everyone so no one knew and everything would still be fine.

While living with my dad I got to vent out my anger a lot. My dad wasn’t a calm collected person all the time. He loved to provoke feelings out of people. If that meant taunting or hurting or.. insults.. he’d get what he wanted out of you. My mom fed off of sadness and my dad once he got a taste of attitude.. he liked the flavor a lot. It started with sly remarks about rape- I told my dad- something personal a long time ago and buried it down because it never needed to be brought back up. He’d talk about my mom.. my sister being “slow” and all the thousands of other ugly things.. people like him could say. At first I’d get angry and I’d cry.. beg him to stop.. I hated it so much. I couldn’t vent the anger out with how he wanted. I was mush. I was tears. I couldn’t fight back.. I couldn’t scream.. I was vanilla and he wanted spice.. I can’t remember what he said about my sister... but I know it hurt my feelings because I had done the best I could.. and I screamed... I screamed so loud and hard... he slapped me.. and that only pissed me off more.. so I slapped him back.. he was about to punch me and i slugged him in his face and scaremed that If he had just been a father when we were kids.. I wouldn’t have had to take his place and raised her so wrong. We argued and fought for days about it. It was the only thing.. that made me.. mad.

My tolerance for bullshit got slimmer and slimmer as I aged. I don’t do rude. But I don’t pop off at first either. I stay silent until I’ve gathered enough understanding TO get mad. Sometimes things that seem like they belong to my name aren’t even associated with me. I can do ugly remarks and shit talking disguised as jokes. I can do all of those because they aren’t reasons to get mad. You can live under the same roof and disrespect me and degrade me and I’ll never say anything and the farthest I’ll go to ignore you or show you I don’t care is to walk away and not give you my time of day.

However I do notice that a very touchy topic for me is my sister. When people yell ugly profanities at my sister I turn into someone unrecognizable to myself. I raised her. I love her. I love her more than our mother does. I love her more than our father ever did. I love her more than our cousins will. I love her more than any other person on this planet ever could. If they love her as much as the depths of the sea.. my love reached and surpasses such love to different galaxies. What I’m saying is.. there’s no person on this earth who could ever tell her.. she’s not loved.

My tolerance to be picked at and bullied are very high. My tolerance for when someone comes into my sisters home and disrespects her and tells her she isn’t shit WHILE SHES ONLY 15 UNABLE TO WORK AND THAT NO ONE LOVES HER SORRY ASS WHILE EVERYONE OF THESE FUCKING ADUKTS IN OUR LIVES ABANDONED US WILL DEFINITELY BE SOMTHING THAT MAKES ME THROW ALL MY LOGIC OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW! I am calm. I am collected. I am silent and I am angry..

You’ve pissed me off ever since you got here. You’ve pissed me off while I was driving your sorry alcoholic ass to the store. You’ve pissed me off when I baked and you threw it away while drunk. You’ve pissed me off by simply laughing. The genetics say YOU ARE MY FATHERS SISTER. The DNA proves it.. but you ARENT SHIT TO ME because not one day in my life had you been around. For my grandma I will shut the fuck up though.. but to tell my sister that only our grandma loves her... proves that your worth to my sweet angel.. is nothing. You yelling profanities at her.. as if YOU KNOW HER. Only proves how WORTHLESS you are as a whole. YELLING SOMETHING AT MY BABY AFTER ALL SHES BEEN THROUGH when all your pathetic life you’ve had shit handed to you... DEFINITELY pisses me off in a way I never could’ve imagined. She needs to be put in her place. That’s a growing up thing she has to learn. BUT YOU?! YOU ARE 36! SIT THE FUCK DOWN AND TAKE A BIT OF YOUR OWN ADVICE AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!

My sister does wrong a lot of the time but today.. today my sister was scolded and she understood. Today my sister got yelled at by a lazy.. not working. Piece of shit adult... who disrespects the very home she should be thankful for. For something already dealt with.. WHILE ALSO YELLING AT MY GRANDMA LIKE IM NOT ABOUT TO BEAT HER ASS AND KICK HER TO THE CURB AND KEY HER FUCKING CAR!

You want beef bitch? ILL GIVE YOU BEEF! You want to feel like brother is still alive? I’ll beat your fucking ass the way dad would’ve done had he caught your ass talking shit to his daughter.

#personal #i dont know why #but im shaking #and im so very angry #but i didnt hurt or let hurt #so im ok

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qkantyjk-blog · 5 years

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Should you get insurance on a rental car?

I m taking a trip later this month and will rent a car for a couple of days. Should I choose insurance, the minimal cost is around $8 per day, so it s not too much or anything. I was wondering if most people got the insurance just in case something happens. Normally I would, but I always hear people say that getting insurance for these kinds of things is stupid.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :HELP-INSURE.NET

SOURCES:

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