#also i figure a lot of us could use some coaching through separating ourselves from the media weve chosen to identify with

[rowaning]

Reminders that are mostly for myself and maybe for other people if they need them.

People are allowed to have different taste in media than me. People are allowed to have the same taste in media as me but for different reasons. People are allowed to voice their opinions and have discussions about them.

I am not allowed to take other people’s discussion of their opinions on media I enjoy as a personal attack (and doing such is an issue rooted in my anxiety that I need to work on). I am allowed to have my own opinions and I am allowed to voice and discuss those opinions.

#read thrpugh the tma critical tag today #bc i think i need to be aware of issues in media i enjou #theres a decent amounts of personal opinion on horror and a smaller amount of commentary on racism and bigotry in the podcast #this is about the first thing #i get being defensive about media that means a lot yo me #but i need to understand tgat not everyone has tge same taste #someones dislike of jonny’s specific horror style is not an attack on myself or media i care about #its just a difference of opinion and by reading those opinions i learn about how other people feel #is it straight up weird that i need to talk myself through respecting peoples opinions #yes #but thats what im doing bc its helping me make progress in dealing with my own issues #also i figure a lot of us could use some coaching through separating ourselves from the media weve chosen to identify with

[4stars-uswnt]

If I Hated You [Alex Morgan x Reader]

requested by anon: Hey I love your works!! I was wondering if you could do a fic based on fletcher’s new song ‘if I hated you’ with Alex x reader, if possible with an eventual happy ending? If not I totally understand but thank you so much for all the fics you’ve shared and done for us.

requested by @eclipses77​: Hey I was wondering if you could write a fix based off Fletcher’s new song ‘If I Hated You’ with any person you want but with a happy ending if possible.

A/N: thank you to both of you who requested this! and to the anon: i’m so glad you enjoy my fics. i have a great time writing them for you guys. 

this isn’t really a song fic with lyrics and everything. it’s mainly just inspired Fletcher’s song, so i hope y’all still enjoy it anyways :) also i may have gotten a little carried away with it.

ps. thanks to @sauceysonny​ for talking through this prompt with me and letting me rant through my ideas

warnings: swearing

Listen to “If I Hated You” by Fletcher here

You throw the sheets off your body for what feels like the hundredth time that night. You had been tossing and turning, unable to sleep with the other side of the bed being so empty. You reach for your phone to check the time. 2:13 am. The photo on the lock screen makes your heartache. It was a photo of you and Alex that Kelley had captured in the locker room after the World Cup, your foreheads pressed together, oblivious to the rest of the world. Shutting your phone off, you turn over and stare at the ceiling, trying to figure out how you’d gotten here.

—————

“I can’t wait to see you this weekend.” You chirp, smiling at your girlfriend through your computer screen. There had been a week break in the NWSL season, so Alex had decided to visit you up in Seattle for a couple of days.

Alex gives you a sheepish look. Being able to read your girlfriend like a book, you feel yourself deflate with defeat.

“You’re not coming, are you?”

“Babe, I’m sorry. I have to go to LA for some meetings with the Olympics committee and with Angel City. I am so sorry.” Alex apologizes.

Her apologies felt useless at this point, as your girlfriend was always cancelling on you, putting you second. You look down at your hands, ignoring Alex’s gaze.

“(Y/N), I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I’ve been really busy lately.” She tries again, hoping to get a response out of you.

“You’re always busy, Al.” You mumble.

“I know, babe, and I’m sorry, but there’s not a lot I can do about it.” Alex defends.

You roll your eyes, annoyed at your girlfriend’s excuses. “Yes, Alex, there is something you can do about it. You can tell them that you already have plans. Or that you have to go visit your girlfriend, who you haven't seen in almost two months. Or that they can fucking wait because Angel City isn’t happening for another year and the Olympics aren’t for another eight fucking years.”

Alex sits on the other side of the screen stunned by your outburst. In your arguments, you were usually the calmer one, Alex being the one with the temper, but you just couldn’t hold it in any longer.

You sigh, tired of fighting with the other woman. “Al, maybe we should just take a break.”

“What?” Alex sits up at that, leaning closer to the screen.

“Look, I know we love each other and everything, but recently it just feels like our relationship is strained by the distance and all of our commitments.”

“You mean my commitments.” Alex countered.

“I didn’t say that, Alex. Stop putting words in my mouth. We are both to blame here. I just feel like we need some time to ourselves to figure out what we want from this relationship.”

Your heart aches, as the words leave your mouth, and as you see tears form in Alex’s eyes.

“Are you sure? Because I don’t wanna take a break.” She whispered.

“Al, I don’t wanna take a break either, but all we’ve been doing lately is arguing, and I just think we should take a little time to evaluate our own lives.” You feel tears pooling in your eyes.

“Okay, if that’s what you want, love.” Alex nods, wiping her face.

“I think it’s what we need.” You swallow the knot in your throat. “This isn’t the end, Al.”

“It better not be.” She lets out a watery chuckle, and you fondly smile.

“See you later, Ali-gator.”

Alex smiled at your nickname for her. The two of you vowed you would never actually say ‘goodbye’ to each other because you always knew you’d see each other again.

“See you in a while, crocodile.”

—————

That conversation was almost two weeks ago, and since then, you had been an absolute mess. Although you were used to being alone in Seattle, being on a break from your relationship made you feel even more lonely. In the past couple of weeks, you had barely left your apartment, only going out for training, games, and the necessary grocery shopping.

Your phone had been blowing up with text messages from your national team teammates, who were all concerned about you after hearing the news. Not bothering to give any of them any details, you responded to the group chat with an ‘I’m fine, you guys. Please respect me and Alex’s privacy.’ Alex soon replied, adding ‘What (Y/N) said. We love you guys, but we need to work through this ourselves.’ Both of your texts received many hearts and likes, following with ‘We’re here’ and ‘Love you guys’ from the women, and the texts stopped after that.

In Orlando, Alex hadn’t been faring any better. After returning from LA, she spent most of her time moping around her house in sweatpants and a hoodie she’d stolen from you. Ali, Ash, and Syd would all stop by or invite her over to cheer her up, but Alex was heartbroken without you.

—————

The next morning, after having gone to bed at around 3 am, you slip on a pair of shorts and one of Alex’s Cal hoodies and drag yourself to training.

As you walk into the locker room, Allie and Megan exchange a look of concern, noticing the bags under your eyes and your hood pulled over your head. Your two national team teammates had been worried about you for the past couple of months, even more so in the recent weeks when you and Alex had decided to take a break. They knew the distance was causing you stress, and now the separation was causing you heartbreak. But every time either woman tried to approach the subject, you shut them out, insisting you were okay, when you clearly were not.

Towards the end of practice, after another one of your passes goes awry, Farid calls you over.

“(Y/N), you doing okay?” He asks, eyebrows furrowed. He had heard the whispers in the locker room, your teammates voicing their concerns, and he could tell something was bothering you, so much so it was disrupting your play.

“Yes, coach.”

Not wanting to push you, he hums. “Okay, then you better start playing like you’re doing okay.”

You nod, embarrassed by your own unprofessionalism. “Of course, coach, sorry.”    

He blows the whistle, ending practice, and you scurry back to the locker room.

Back in the locker room, as you’re taking off your cleats and packing up your bag, Allie slips into the seat next to you.

“(Y/N), you wanna come over later?” Allie places a hand on your knee. “We’re having a barbecue. Megan and Sue will also be there.”

You snort. “And be a fifth wheel? I’m good, Allie, but thanks for the invite.”

“(Y/N),” she starts again, “even though I’m Alex’s best friend doesn’t mean I don’t care about you either. Megan and I, and the whole team really, are here if you ever wanna talk.”

“Thanks, Allie.” You smile, as you stand up, swinging your backpack over your shoulder. “Maybe I’ll stop by for a little bit.”

“Awesome.”

—————

Later than evening, you made your way over to Allie and Bati’s place, ultimately deciding that being a fifth wheel was better than sitting at your apartment alone with another box of takeout.

You enter through the side gate, heading into the backyard, where Bati is barbecuing and Megan, Allie, and Sue are chatting around the table. Hearing you open the gate, Bati looks up from the grill.

“Hey! Look who made it!” He gives you a big grin, opening his arm up for a side hug, which you accept.

“Hey, Jose. Thanks for having me.” You softly smile.

“Of course, (Y/N).”

“Aye! (Y/N)! Get your butt over here!” Megan calls from across the yard, waving you over.

“The queen is calling, so I must go.” You joke, making your way over to the table.

“(Y/N/N), I’m glad you could make it.” Allie gives you a brief hug. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“Water would be great.” You thank her, before turning to Megan and Sue.

“Long time no see, Birdie. Good game the other day. You played, eh, okay.” You smirk at the basketball player, who just rolls her eyes.

“It’s good to see you too, (Y/N/N). Thanks. A triple double is okay. But I dunno if I could say the same about you. I hear you’re not playing like the superstar you are.” Sue teases, resulting in a slap from Megan, who gives her girlfriend a warning glare.

You ignore the pink-haired woman and the ache in your chest. “Just having a couple of bad practices. I’ll be tearing up the field in no time.” You boast flippantly.

Seeing past your confident facade, Megan narrows her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay, (Y/N)?”

“P, I’ve told you a million times. I’m fine.” You give her a tight smile, silently telling her you don’t want to talk about it.

Before Megan can ask you anymore questions, Allie and Bati approach the table with plates of food in their hands.

“Time to eat!” Allie cheers. “Oh, and, (Y/N), here’s your water.”

You mutter out a ‘thanks’, and take a large gulp, pushing down the knot forming in your throat.

—————

Dinner went smoothly the five of you discussing an array of topics, ranging from the upcoming NWSL and WNBA season to the election to the newest Italian restaurant that opened downtown.

By the time you all are finished eating, it’s dark out, leaving only the fairy lights to illuminate the yard. You go to clear your plate, but before you can stand up, Bati grabs it from you.

“Don’t worry, (Y/N/N). I got this.” He motions for you to sit back down, before reaching to collect the rest of the plates. “Why don’t I clean up and leave you ladies to chat?” Bati quickly pecks Allie’s cheek, before heading back inside.

Once it is just the four of you, Megan turns to you.

“(Y/N), seriously, how are you feeling?”

You internally groan. You should’ve known this was gonna turn into an intervention. Before you go to respond, the older forward continues.

“And don’t give me that ‘I’m fine. I’m good’ bullshit.” She raises her eyebrow, daring you to challenge her. “Because obviously you’re not fine, and you’re not good. For the past two weeks all you’ve been doing is moping around your apartment, wearing nothing but sweats. You’ve barely eaten an actual meal until today, nor gotten a good night’s sleep. And to top it all of you’ve been playing like crap!”

Sue hits Megan’s arm and scolds her. “Megan!”

The pink-haired woman faces to her girlfriend. “No! I’m not going to sugar coat it. (Y/N) needs to hear this, and she needs to talk about.” Megan turns back to you and softens. “(Y/N/N), you can’t keep bottling up all your feelings. We care about you, and we’re here to listen, so please talk to us.”

Both Allie and Sue nod along with Pinoe’s words.

“Honestly,” you take a deep breath, before starting, “I’m a mess. Like before, I was annoyed and angry that Al was making me a second priority, but now I’m just sad and heartbroken that she’s not here with me.” You finally confess to the other women, feeling like a weight has been lifted off your chest. “And, I mean, I didn’t want to take a break, but our relationship just felt strained. Like we weren’t communicating, and I think the distance was getting the best of us, especially with all of our commitments. I don’t know. Do you guys think I made the right decision?”

Not knowing what to say, the three woman look at each other, searching for answers. Finally, Sue speaks up.

“(Y/N), none of us can know if you made the right decision.” She reaches to squeeze your hand. “Only you and Alex can know what’s right for yourselves and your relationship.”

You nod in understanding. “I love her so much, and I wish we could just be together because all I want is to be by her side.” You whisper, your eyes getting misty. “Ugh, I just miss her so much.”

“I miss you, too.”

You whip your head around. There, in all her glory, stood Alex Morgan. She doesn’t look any better than you, your Reign sweatshirt hiding her muscular frame and dark circles forming under her eyes. Your lips part, as you’re completely speechless.

“You’re car wasn’t in your lot, so I assumed you were either here or at Pinoe’s. This was my first stop, and here you are.” Alex shifts uncomfortably in the silence, her usual confidence faded.

You turn back to face Allie, Megan, and Sue, your eyes narrowing. “Did you three know about this?”

“No!” They all exclaim, Megan holding up her hands in innocence. You continue to stare at Allie, not convinced she had no part in this.

“I swear, (Y/N), I had no idea about this.” She insists, as you relent your accusatory glare.

“(Y/N),” Alex comes up from behind you, “they had nothing to do with this, so please don’t be mad at them. I came here all on my own because I wanted to talk to you. I needed to see you.”

You nod. “Ok.”

“So, can we talk?” She sheepishly asks. “Alone, if that’s okay with you?” She adds, pleading her friends to leave you two to talk.

The three women take the cue and head back inside, leaving you alone with Alex, who sits in Pinoe’s seat across from you.

You sit in awkward silence for a few minutes, neither of you knowing where to start.

You decide to break the silence. “How’ve you been?”

She looks up from her fidgeting hands. “Uhh. Good. I’ve been good.”

You smirk, raising your eyebrow. “Al, c’mon, I know you like the back of my hand. How have you actually been?”

Alex sighs. “To be honest, I’ve been miserable.” She looks up, locking eyes with you. “I missed you, and I just wanted be with you, or even just hear your voice.”

You nod, knowing the feeling. “I missed you too, Al.”

“But you were right.” She confesses, as you tilt your head, confused. “We, or at least I, needed this break. It helped me realize what was important in my life, and that’s you, (Y/N). I can live without all those brand deals and sponsors, hell, I can even live without soccer, because none of that means anything if I can’t share it with you.”

By that point, both you openly had tears streaming down your faces.

“So, I promise to be better and to be more committed to our relationship. And I’m sorry that I ever put you as a second priority because you’re not. You’re my number one.” Alex concludes, wiping the tears from your cheeks.

You let out a small chuckle at her cheesiness. “Thank you for your apology.” You take her hand. “And I’m sorry that didn’t make enough of an effort either.” Before Alex can protest, you squeeze her hand. “Al, a relationship is between two people. This wasn’t just your fault, okay? We both played a part.” You assure, quelling her guilt.

“So can we end this break and be back together?” Alex whispers hesitantly.

Beaming, you pull her in for a searing kiss, your first in almost three months. Her soft lips melt against yours, and you could taste the sweetness of her vanilla chapstick mixed with the saltiness of her tears. Before you could deepen the kiss, you hear Allie call from inside.

“No sex in my yard please!”

You rest your head on Alex’s shoulder, as the two of you laugh at your friend’s antics. Your girlfriend caresses your cheek, guiding you to lock eyes with her pleading blue orbs.

“Do you forgive me?”  

You nod. “Yes, Al, I forgive you.”

“Good. I thought you hated me.” She mumbles.

“I could never hate you, even if I tried.”

Alex smiles, leaning in for another kiss, before you hold up your hand.

“But, Al, your words are nice and all, but I have to see it. You have to prove to me that you’re committed to this relationship, especially if it’s long distance. And I will work to do the same. Okay?”

“Of course, (Y/N/N).” She nods her head eagerly. “So, I’m guessing it’s okay if I stayed here with you in Seattle for the next week?”

Your eyes widen. “What?”

“They had to cancel training and matches for the next week because of some flooding issues at the facilities. So I’m all yours until next Sunday. That is, if you’ll have me.”

You jump off your seat and into Alex’s lap, pulling her in for another kiss. “Who am I to refuse such a pretty lady?” You tease, giving her nose a kiss.

“Alex and (Y/N) sitting in a tree…!” Allie sings, as her, Megan, and Sue approach the two of you.

“I take it you two made up?” Megan gestures to your position in Alex’s lap.

“Yes, we made up.” You grin, as your girlfriend kiss the top of your head.

“Good. I’m glad.” She returns a smile, and you mouth a ‘thank you’ to her.

“Me too.” Alex beams, turning to look at you. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” You bring her in for a sweet chaste kiss.

“Hey! What did I say about no sex in my yard!” Allie playfully scolds.

“It’s not my fault (Y/N) can’t keep her hands off me.” Alex smirks.

You gasp, jumping out of your girlfriend’s laugh. “Hey!”

“I’m only kidding, babe.” She rolls her eyes, pulling you back into her lap.

You cross your arms and pout. “I hate you.”

Alex chuckles, as she buries her face in your neck, giving you a kiss. “No you don’t.”

You smile, turning to the woman you love, and give her a quick peck. “You’re right. I don’t.”

#uswnt x reader #uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #alex morgan x reader #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #uswnt #alex morgan

[keanureevesisbae]

Coach Cavill - Chapter 11

Summary: Amelia and Henry are going apple picking.

Coach!Henry Cavill x Amelia Jung (Asian ofc)

Wordcount: 5.7k

Warnings: None

A/N: I don’t know Henry’s family (well duh 🙄), but I wrote them in a way it would fit into this story. However, please keep in mind that this is in no way reality. Also, I know it has been over a month since I last updated this fic, so thank you for your patience 🥰

Masterlist // Previous chapter // Next chapter

After what seemed the longest day at school, I quickly drove home, so I could get ready for my date with Henry. I’ve been looking forward to it since the moment we agreed to it. I love apple picking and the fact that I get to spend even more time with Henry, is definitely something I’m not saying no to.

Yesterday morning and this morning Henry came by to bring us all something nice to drink (a caramel cappuccino in the morning just hits different) and to pick up his sandwiches. I can’t believe that this is actually happening right now. After divorcing Dean, I thought dating was out of the question, really. I figured Dean would move on with his new girlfriend (and I mean, he certainly did: they’re getting married and have a baby—I think that definitely qualifies for moving on), while I would sit in my house, surrounded by my kids and my friends and I’d probably date when I was over fifty, when the kids would be long off on their own.

I mean, I wasn’t opposed to it. I had been with the same man since I was eighteen, being on my own felt like an entire lifetime ago and I was thoroughly enjoying it.

However, I met Henry and it seems to fit. I wouldn’t have dared to dream someone like him fitting here so perfectly.

My house is filled with kids. They all know I’m going out and when I’m gone, they have the place to themselves and don’t have to—and I’m quoting both myself and Eve here—use their inside voices as Eve is still working. While Benji, Lola, Jake, Isabella and Yara are all hanging on the couches watching some tv, I’m frantically running around, in order to get myself ready for this date. I took a quick shower, to clean myself up a little, since there was a slight peeing incident today at school and unfortunately, some got spilled on me. Not on accident of course. Poor kid was really anxious the entire day, since it’s not going well with his grandma. Besides, my own kids and Eve’s kids all peed or puked on me at least once, so you could say I have seen my fair share.

‘Amelia,’ Lola says, as I’m pacing through the living room, ‘why are you nervous?’

‘I’m not nervous,’ I tell her.

Benji smiles. ‘Yes mom, you are. Relax, it’s not a big deal. It’s just a date.’

I sigh deeply, knowing deep down that it’s not a big deal and I should relax. It’s indeed just a date and I already know Henry. He comes by in the morning and gives me a kiss. Nothing to worry about. ‘Am I looking too casual?’ I ask them, as I look down to my tight blue jeans, the thick black sweater and the black ankle boots. I have my warm white coat ready on the backrest of the seat. ‘This is too casual,’ I conclude.

‘Mom,’ Isabella says, while she sits on Lola’s lap, ‘you look really pretty and I know that Henry thinks so too. This morning he said that you looked really pretty.’

He did what? ‘When did he say that to you?’ I ask her.

‘When you were checking your bag.’ Isabella smiles and I can’t even hide my blush.

The doorbell rings and I let out a high pitched scream.

Yara starts to giggle. ‘You can do this, Amelia,’ she says. ‘Really you can.’

I can’t believe I need a few kids to hype me up, but to be fair: I am a bit rusty in the whole dating department. If they think I’m a nervous wreck now, they should’ve seen me seventeen years ago when I went on a date with Dean. ‘I know, I’ve got this,’ I say as casual as possible. I walk to the door and when I open it, I’m met with the beauty that is called Henry Cavill. His coat hangs open, only to reveal yet another cable sweater.

‘You are absolutely breathtaking,’ Henry says with a smile. ‘I’m so lucky.’

My mouth falls open. ‘You have got to be kidding me,’ I laugh. ‘Seriously Henry, you are already the embodiment of perfection and then you say this.’

Henry looks at his shoes and from the looks of it, he is trying to cover up a blush. That is adorable, really.

‘I just have to get my coat. You want to come in?’

‘Of course,’ he says, when I step to the side to let him in.

‘Where is Kal?’ I ask him. ‘I haven’t seen him in a while.'

‘Greg and Annabelle are watching him. I can’t say no to that sweet face.’

‘Whose sweet face?’ I ask with a chuckle.

Henry simply rolls his eyes, but lets out a laugh anyway

‘Oh, by the way, you have to know there are three teenagers and two young girls sitting in the living room.’

He nods. ‘Nothing I can’t handle.’ He closes the door behind me and presses a light kiss on forehead. ‘Did I already say to you that you’re pretty?’

‘You told me I was breathtaking,’ I say with a smile. ‘But I did hear you were talking to my daughter about how pretty I looked this morning.’

He chuckles. ‘I might’ve.’ I feel his lips on the tip of my nose and my stomach twists and turns in a pleasant way. I almost forgot how the first weeks of a new relationship type of thing feels like.

I clear my throat as I try to regain some composure and together we enter the living room. Jake starts to make kissy sounds, causing me to roll my eyes. ‘Grow up, will you?’ I say to him, as I grab my coat.

Henry gently pulls it out of my hands, before holding it up for me, so I can easily slide my arms through the sleeves.

This man… Is he honestly real? I hope every minor on that couch is making mental notes, because this is peak gentleman behavior and I want them all to remember this for when they start dating.

‘I won’t,’ Jake laughs. ‘This is way too much fun.’

‘Well, I’ll keep this in mind for when you start dating,’ I say, as I zip up the coat. ‘Remember, I can embarrass you even better. Remind me, how old were you again when you peed on my porch?’

Yara pretends to vomit, while Isabella exclaims: ‘Ew, you peed on our porch? That’s disgusting!’

‘I think he was six the first time, mom,’ Benji says with a chuckle and Lola starts to laugh as well, before adding: ‘And the last time he was ten.’

‘You wouldn’t, right?’ Jake asks, his eyes enlarged.

‘If you don’t zip it, I definitely will. I have tons up my sleeve,’ I say with a smile. ‘Okay, kids, I’ll be back around dinner time. Isabella and Yara, please don’t touch the stove and oven. If you need something, ask the older kids, okay?’

‘Yes,’ the two of them say.

‘If you guys need anything, just remember, Eve is next door and I’m one phone call away.’

The five of them nod. ‘We know.’

‘Also, I’d rather have something left to eat here, so please don’t be swines and eat everything.’

‘We won’t,’ they all say.

‘And—’

‘Amelia, just go!’ Lola laughs. ‘We know how to behave ourselves here. It’s not the first time we’re alone here.’

‘Yes, mom, we’ll manage,’ Benji adds.

I nod, realizing I’m totally overreacting. They are home alone here all the time, while I hang out with Eve and Johnny. This isn’t new. ‘Right, you are totally right. I’m so sorry.’

‘Have fun,’ my daughter says.

‘We will,’ I say, ‘and Jake, for the love of God, don’t say: but not too much fun.’

‘How did you know I was about to say that?’ he asks, his voice a bit higher from sheer surprise.

‘You are fairly predictable,’ Henry says. ‘Even I knew you were going to say that.’

I finally manage to leave the place with Henry and when we’re finally in his truck, I lean over to give him a long kiss on his soft lips. He hums against my mouth, as he places his rough hand on my cheek. I can’t believe he actually deepens the kiss, but I’m not complaining at all. I could kiss this man non stop for hours on end, without getting tired of it. When we let each other go, I smile. ‘I really missed you,’ I say, ‘though I saw you this morning. Is that too clingy?’

‘Not too clingy at all, because I missed you too. I can’t get quite enough of you.’ He starts the car when we put on the seatbelts and he says: ‘I bought the ingredients you told me to buy for the pies. I also bought some whipped cream, because Greg told me if I were going to eat one of your apple pies, there has to be whipped cream on top of it.’

‘Greg is an absolute angel for reminding you, because I am out of whipped cream and he is totally right. Did you know I won the pie baking contest back in middle school with my fabulous apple pie?’

‘I did not know,’ Henry says, as he drives off. He mindlessly places his hand on my leg and I can’t stop myself to place mine on top of it. ‘I really look forward to this,’ he admits. ‘I have never been apple picking before.’

‘It’s so much fun. Pro tip: you have to walk at least twenty minutes before you start picking. Then you find the best apples.’

‘Good thing I have an expert with me,’ he says. ‘Greg told me it would be fun.’

‘You tell Greg quite a lot,’ I say with a chuckle. ‘Well, no wonder he kept wiggling his eyebrows at me yesterday.’ I wrap my arms around his thick one, before placing my head on his bicep. When Dean and I were still married, I could never sit against him like this in the car, because our seats were separated. Henry’s truck allows me to scoot over a bit to the middle, so I can melt against his broad frame. ‘I’m sorry about Jake,’ I say.

‘Well, don’t be. I really love the way you are with not only your kids, but also with Eve’s. It truly shows how close you guys are. I think it’s great you two live next to one another and you can always lean on each other.’

‘It sure is.’

‘Tell me, Amelia, how was your day at school?’

I tell him about how the kids were sweet today and how we made some Halloween related drawings. I even mention the slight peeing incident, but also that it was no big deal really. ‘How was your day?’

‘It was okay,’ he says, but I can hear his voice flatten a bit.

I look to the side, only to discover a deep frown between his brows. From the looks of it, today was not okay. ‘What happened?’

‘My mother called,’ he says, ‘telling me to come back home.’

‘Oh,’ I say. That can’t be good? ‘Are you going back?’

‘No of course not, I just arrived here. Besides, my life here is much better than in Jersey.’ He sighs. ‘She thought it was a horrible idea to move here. She also didn’t approve of my choices of work and sure doesn’t like it I’m doing it overseas now.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, when you have four brothers who are either with the Marines, lawyers and all that stuff, you could say I’m the loser of the family.’

‘Or are you the only one that followed their heart?’ I ask. ‘I mean, do you even know if your brothers enjoy what they do?’

He simply shrugs. It’s been hard on Henry to open up, I can see that. ‘Henry,’ I say, ‘when I grew up, I wanted to work at the mortuary.’

‘What?’ he asks. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah, I went to my granddad’s funeral and I was in that age where I wanted to experience everything. The woman who helped us arranging the funeral, I was in awe of her. I went with her probably the entire time and she told me what she did for a living. I was actually planning on becoming one, figuring out to what colleges I had to go to, but then I went to Korea. After I came back, I realized I didn’t want to work with the dead, but with the living and preferably our future.’ Realizing that, per usual, I’m about to miss the point I was going to make. ‘What I’m trying to say with this, was that every career move I had in mind, it wasn’t something my parents wanted me to do. They envisioned me becoming a doctor, or a a lawyer, owning my own business. But they just accepted all the choices I made, whether they liked it or not.’

Henry laughs. ‘Wow,’ he says. ‘I just can’t believe you wanted to work at a mortuary. You sure are quite something, Amelia.’

‘I like to keep on surprising.’

‘Figured. What about your kids?’

I chuckle. ‘They have interesting plans. Benji wants to become a career judoka, but I told him he needs to think about getting a degree. He might be quite the judoka now, but what if one day he gets injured or he doesn’t make it? So he came up with the idea of either becoming a dentist or a coach, like you.’

‘Really?’

‘Mhm and to be honest, I’m leaning more towards coach. I think he would be really good at that. He really has an eye for the details, with not only himself, but also with others. And Isabella wants to be famous, but she hasn’t figured out how she’ll get famous.’

He nods. ‘And you support them?’

‘Of course, they are my kids. The point is that your parents should accept you and your choices. The idea of parenting is that you prepare your kids to be ready for the world, not to dictate their lives. You might have an idea of what type of career fits them best, but they have to decide for themselves, make their own choices and mistakes. Besides, I could think of worse career moves. I mean, a judo coach is a great job and being famous… It’s quite something, I have to give her that and with Isabella’s personality, she would enjoy it so much. She loves being in the spotlights, preferably alone.’

‘You’re an excellent mother. Mine could learn a thing or two from you.’ Henry parks the car on the lot, but doesn’t get out. It’s almost like he wants to say something else to me. Knowing how hard it can be for some people to open up, I decide to wait and see whether or not he wants to tell me what is on his heart. ‘You know,’ he starts with a sigh, ‘my mom never went to one of my games.’

‘Are you kidding me?’ I ask him. ‘I’m so sorry.’

‘Seeing these kids here, with their entire support system at the games, it warms my heart. I’m happy they have that.’

I study his face. ‘But you can be a bit jealous,’ I say. ‘That’s allowed.’

‘By you?’

‘By everyone. We all want something we didn’t have growing up and that’s normal. Parents try—or at least it appears as if they do—but they can never give their kids what they deserve. It pains me to know that there are things that I can’t provide for my kids or that I can’t meet their needs. I remember when I was doing my first internship at a primary school, I saw this mother who had four beautiful daughters. That’s what I wanted: sisters or brothers. I was all alone growing up and people would kill for that, but I just wanted a companion within my family. But my parents couldn’t give me that.’ I send him a reassuring smile. ‘Believe me, it can be hard to see kids who have what you have always wanted growing up or kids that are deprived of that what you had.’

Henry nods. ‘Wise woman you are.’

‘Shut up.’

‘I mean it! And just know that when I look over at the bleachers now and I see you, I realize that you are my support system.’

That is the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me.

We get out of the car and all the nerves I experienced back in my own house, are all gone now, especially when he reaches over to hold my hand. Being around Henry is so easy and it worried me  a bit I didn’t feel so tense and nervous around him. When I first started dating Dean, I was a nervous wreck for at least two months. But maybe it’s unfair to compare teen Amelia, to adult Amelia who is divorced and has two kids.

When we arrive at the apple picking field, Henry hands me a bucket and together we walk over the grass, finding the spot with the best apples. ‘So tell me all about the divorce, Henry.’

He chuckles. ‘How long have you been thinking about this?’

‘To be fair? The second you told me about it. I mean, who would divorce you?’

‘I could say the same thing about you. You are the catch of the town.’

‘You are too,’ I say.

He bites his bottom lip as he stares ahead of him. ‘Okay, so I told you that my parents wanted me to marry her and her family wanted her to marry me.’

‘Yes.’

‘And how she dated my friend behind my back and we got divorced, right?’

‘Yes. I’m just curious to why you agreed to it?’

He snickers. ‘It had to do with a trust fund.’

‘Trust fund? That is honestly a thing?’ I ask.

Henry nods. ‘It is. So, if I married her, I would eventually get access to the trust fund.’

Eventually. That isn’t promising. ‘But you got divorced,’ I note. ‘What happened to the trust fund?’

‘It is now a yacht, owned by my parents.’

I place my hand on his arm. ‘Are you fucking kidding me?’

‘Never expected the word fucking to leave the lips of kindergarten teacher Amelia Jung,’ he chuckles. ‘But no, I’m not kidding. When I divorced Vera, that’s my ex, they knew she slept with my best friend, but they blamed me.’

This is absolutely infuriating me. ‘You have to give me your parents’ number,’ I say in all seriousness, ‘so I can call them and tell them their parenting style is honestly unbelievable. Henry you are a grown man! You should decide for yourself who you are dating or what kind of career you want to pursue. And that trust fund thing, how low, my goodness.’

Henry chuckles. ‘You understand why I had to leave?’

‘Oh, I more than understand, I just wonder why you didn’t leave sooner. I really don’t want to talk badly about your parents since I don’t know them, but this crosses a line. What an idiots.’

He nudges my side. ‘This fired up look really suits you, Amelia,’ he admits. ‘I like it.’

I look up and he smiles. He is so beautiful, my oh my. ‘Can I ask you something?’

‘Always.’

‘How rich are your parents? I don’t need a number, but just an indication.’

‘They are pretty rich,’ he says. ‘Like, there is a possibility we would have marry a distant cousin to keep the money in the family, if there are no more trusted family friends who are single.’

Why do I know exactly what kind of family this is about? ‘I didn’t know Jersey had those types of rich.’

‘We keep on surprising,’ he chuckles. ‘Honestly, I never really fitted in, always the black sheep of the family. I’m just grateful I’m out of there and living my own life, even if it’s at age thirty eight.’

‘Luna Meadows sure is lucky to have you here.’ I stand on my toes, to give him a kiss on his soft lips. ‘You sure you don’t want me to call your parents?’

‘I don’t think they are ready for that,’ he smiles. ‘If they find out I’m dating you, they’ll flip.’

Oh my, we’re dating? Is that what he is saying? ‘Is it because I’m Korean?’

He shakes his head. ‘No, it’s more you having kids.’

‘Don’t your parents want grandkids? I thought everyone with kids is desperate to become grandparents.’

‘They do, just blood related grandkids.’

I simply scoff. ‘Your parents are a piece of work.’

‘You can say that again.’ I’m already opening my mouth, but he is way ahead of me. ‘Don’t even think about it,’ he chuckles. We start picking some good looking apples, as the late autumn sun warms my back. ‘Okay Amelia, I see a nice apple, but I can’t reach.’

‘Well, that sucks,’ I say, ‘because of you can’t reach it, I certainly ca— Oh no! Henry, put me down!’ I scream as he wraps his arm around my legs, lifting me up.

‘It’s the one on your right,’ he tells me, but I have closed my eyes shut. ‘Come on, Jung, it’s not that high!’

‘It is!’ I say. ‘You know I’m afraid of heights.’

‘I know you are. Just pick that one apple.’

I manage to open only one eye and quickly grab the one on my right. After I nearly broke the branch while picking it, he carefully puts me down. ‘That wasn’t funny, coach Cavill,’ I tell him, pointing dangerously at him with my pointer finger.

‘Oh look at that,’ he chuckles, ‘the teacher-finger.’

I try not to smile, but I fail. ‘Shut up.’

He bites his bottom lip, only making my heart pound really fast. Is he aware of the effect he has on my heart, especially when he does that? Henry leans in to give me a quick peck on my lips.

Amelia, please, now is not the time to faint.

‘Excuse me,’ I hear a voice behind me say and I cannot believe it’s Trixie again. Of course she is here, to ruin my fantastic date. She accidentally sat in the booth next to me on my second date with Dean, together with her friends. ‘Coach Cavill, I wanted to talk to you about George, is now a good time?’

I want to smack that smug grin of her face. No, now isn’t a good time and any human being with even one braincell could’ve figured that out.

Henry clears his throat, obviously a little caught off guard. ‘Uh, what did you wanted to talk about?’ he asks, as he scratches himself in the back of his neck.

‘His progress.’

Well, I can tell her all about that: her twelve year old is just as bad as he was three years ago. There is no progress with George Yates.

‘I think we should have that conversation a little later,’ Henry says with a professional tone, ‘when we’re at the center for example. I have video material and all. We could have a chat tomorrow, before training.’

‘Can’t wait,’ she says. ‘Amelia, are you having fun?’

‘Mhm, we’re going to make an apple pie at his place,’ I say, holding up the basket. ‘Remember, back in middle school when we were in that pie baking contest and I made one of my famous apple pies. What did you make again?’

Her face grows pale.

‘Oh right, pecan pie, with that very dark crust.’

Trixie is ready to skin me alive and honestly, I can’t really blame her, because I have been in her shoes more than once. For years her words would stab me like knives and now it’s the other way around. I remember when I came back from Korea, the way she gave me a hard time because my band Forever Hope disbanded. I mean, what did she accomplishment in those years? A date with Lucas Yates?

However, back then I just ignored her, but now I can’t. She will do anything to discredit me, but after that last phone call I had with Eve, when Trixie told me how I did not want to host a baby shower and a sweet sixteen at the same time, I felt this newly gained power to not allow her words to get to me.

I came to the realization that Trixie is still stuck in her high school mentality, while I grew up and actually matured. This gossiping and undermining thing was ridiculous back in school, but now… It’s still ridiculous, but also just plain pathetic. And maybe my comments aren’t exactly mature, but this is honestly just a small part of the payback she deserves after all those years of nearly bullying me.

‘Well, Trixie, Henry and I have some baking to do. See you later.’ I grab Henry by his hand and pull him with me. Henry doesn’t say a word on our way back to the truck, but once we’re both seated, he starts to laugh. ‘What?’ I ask.

‘How much underlying anger was in that conversation?’

‘Oh, quite a lot,’ I chuckle. I try not to think about the whole kid thing, because I honestly think it’s too soon for Henry and I to have that discussion. ‘Trixie and I go way back and I just felt this need to tell her off. Sorry.’

‘No need for apologies, remember?’ He places his hand on my leg and gives me a comforting squeeze. ‘Just so you know: I like you seeing you like this.’ He leans over and presses a kiss on my lips. ‘Now let’s go and make that famous apple pie of yours.’

✰ ✰ ✰

Making apple pie with Henry was nearly impossible. For starters, I had to make a checklist of every single thing that needed to be done at his place and spoiler alert: it’s a lot. I don’t want to call this place a dump, but… It kind of resembles one, if I’m being honest. When I finally managed to get myself to the kitchen, he continued to distract me with hugs and kisses. I mean, it’s not the worst thing I could think of (it was quite romantic), but once I’m baking pies, there is just this instant switch and I have a severe case of tunnel vision.

But of course, I managed to pull it off, with shockingly little help of Henry (but he made it all up by being handsome and handing me the stuff I needed). Now we are waiting for the three pies to cool a bit, as we are sitting on the couch. ‘I didn’t get any texts from the kids,’ I say, as I stare at my phone. ‘Or Eve for that matter. Are they okay?’

‘I think you are worrying too much.’

‘I’m not,’ I tell him, but when I look up and see his eyes, I realize I’m lying. ‘Okay, maybe I worry too much. It’s a trait I got only after the divorce. I usually was pretty chilled, very laid back, however when they went to their dad for the first time after the divorce… I was a nervous wreck. I think I finished up an entire bottle of wine and some.’

‘Oh no,’ he chuckles. ‘I’m sorry.’ He wraps an arm around my shoulders and lets out a sigh. ‘But I think it’s a mom’s job to worry.’

‘Yeah, part of the job, indeed.’

He doesn’t say anything for a while, but then he breaks the silence by saying: ‘You know, I keep thinking about Benji and that… anger outburst he had the other day.’

‘I know, I know, we’re trying to work on it, but… He just bottles up all of his emotions and then they come out uncontrolled. It’s so uncharacteristic of him, but he has been having them since he was little. I just worry sometimes he might hurt someone.’

‘I understand,’ Henry whispers.

‘But when he was younger, he would also save it when it was just us, when his dad wasn’t around. Probably because I just let him have his rage, before finally stopping when it was about to get out of hand. Dean on the other hand would get really angry. I think he felt and still feels safer to do it when he is with me.’

‘Understandable.’

‘I just worry a lot and that resulted in quite a few grey hairs.’

‘Listen,’ he says, ‘you are doing an excellent job, that I can guarantee. I mean, listen only to my parents and how much of a train wreck they are.’

I chuckle. ‘That’s a wonderful compliment, thanks for that, Henry.’

‘You understand what I mean.’

‘I sure do and… I know I’m doing good, but sometimes I just lack so much in my own opinion.’ I lean towards him, to press a long kiss on his lips. Before he can say anything to that last statement I made, I say: ‘We should get going. Think the pies are ready.’

‘And you desperately want to get back to your children, copy that.’

Henry and I get in his truck, with the slightly steaming pies covered in tea towels so you won’t burn your hands when you hold them. I adore being in a car with him, especially when he places his hand on my thigh. When we arrive home, Henry holds the pies in his hands and when I open the door, I only hear Isabella’s and Benji’s laughs, meaning the other kids went home. I’ll bring the other pie to Eve’s tonight. ‘Hi sweeties,’ I say when I walk into the living room, seeing the two of them on the couch.

‘Mom!’ They jump up and rush towards me and hug me close. ‘How was it?’ Benji asks.

‘It was wonderful,’ Henry says, ‘and you kids are lucky your mom loves you a lot, because otherwise I would’ve eaten all of this all by myself.’

Benji holds out his hands to help Henry out and brings the pies to the kitchen. Isabella jumps up and with one arm he balances her on his hip. ‘You wouldn’t, right?’

‘Oh, I think he would,’ I chuckle.

We walk to the kitchen, where Benji already has four plates prepared. ‘Oh shoot,’ I say to Henry, ‘I left the whipped cream in the car.’

‘I’ll get it, no worries,’ he says with a smile, before turning around, as he grabs his keys from the counter.

When he is out of hearing distance, Isabella pokes my arm. ‘And?’

‘And what?’ I ask her.

‘Did you two kiss again?’

The fact that I’m stammering, is the answer to her question. ‘Why do you care?’ Benji asks his little sister.

‘It’s just so romantic,’ she exclaims and wraps her arms around my shoulders, pressing her cheek against mine.

Henry walks back in with the whipped cream, tosses it up, before catching it with his other hand. Show off, I think to myself. ‘Who wants some?’ he asks.

‘I do, I do!’ Isabella says.

‘On your nose or on the pie?’ Henry asks with a smile.

‘On the pie,’ she chuckles. ‘You are a pig.’

‘You can’t just call people pigs,’ I say to her, softly squeezing her side.

‘You do it all the time, mom.’

‘Some things need to stay within the Jung family, honey,’ I whisper in her ear. ‘Okay, Isabella, pick a piece.’

We take our plates with the piece of pie and the whipped cream and sit at the table. Benji is seated next to me and when I look to the side, I notice him looking at Henry and how he is treating Isabella. I bump my knee against his and our eyes meet. My sweet boy, I think to myself. He sends me a quick smile and I chuckle.

‘Benji and Isabella, do you mind if I talk to you two about something?’

‘Is it something we did?’ Benji asks, his voice dripping with worry.

I place my hand on his wrist. ‘No, sweetheart, it’s nothing you did.’

Henry shakes his head. ‘It’s just something I need you to know.’

Isabella looks up to the side, as she takes in the broad man next to him. ‘What is it?’

‘Well I want you two to know that… Just because I’m dating your mom, doesn’t mean I’m trying to steal her away from you nor to become your new dad. She is still your mom and you two are her number one priorities.’

My daughter chuckles. ‘Henry, we know all that.’

‘And we are more than happy to share our mom with you,’ Benji tells him.

While Henry is a bit surprised, I am not, because I just knew my kids would react like this. ‘Really?’ He can’t help but smile and that melts my heart.

‘Really,’ my two kids confirm and I smile when I see how happy the three of them are. ‘Is there anything you wish I know or you expect from me?’ He looks over at Isabella, who already opened her mouth. ‘And that does not involve watching television with you passed your bedtime,’ he says, causing her to pout.

‘Just make my mom happy,’ Benji says and if my heart wasn’t completely melted away, it is now.

‘Honey,’ I say, as I wrap my arms around his neck. I can feel he is rolling his eyes. ‘You are too sweet.’

‘Mom, stop,’ he laughs.

‘My boy is such a darling,’ I continue, simply to pester him.

‘Mom!’ Benji says, trying to push me off, but I’m simply too strong for now.

‘I did such a good job raising you,’ I chuckle, as I pepper his cheek with kisses.

‘Mom!’ He starts to laugh and I actually let him go now. ‘Don’t hug me like that again, but I meant what I said. Just make my mom happy and then I’m happy.’

‘I can do that,’ Henry says. ‘I promise.’

#henry cavill #henry cavill x ofc #henry cavill x oc #coach!henry cavill #henry cavill x amelia jung #amelia jung #henry cavill x asian ofc #asian ofc #henry cavill fanfic #henry cavill fandom #Coach Cavill

[virtchandmoir]

HUBBELL AND DONOHUE COMPOSE A HALLELUJAH

January 11, 2021

Madison Hubbell and Zach Donohue have hit a sort of “Hallelujah” trifecta. Certainly they’re the first team to marry skating’s favorite versions of the Leonard Cohen composition—those of Jeff Buckley and k.d. lang—in a single program, and the first to present two separate programs to the song. And more than this, they tapped a choreographer who skated to it himself: Scott Moir, who in 2012-13 used Buckley’s version for an exhibition with partner Tessa Virtue.

The Buckley connection, though, was purely fortuitous. Last season, a year after his retirement from competition, Moir offered his first choreographic insights to former training mates Hubbell and Donohue, adding some input on a program they’d already forged with coach Marie-France Dubreuil.

The plan was always for more, given a special connection between Moir and Donohue, who first shared training space in the 2010-11 season, in Canton, Michigan, when Donohue was paired with Alissandra Aronow and Moir and Virtue had an unusual season including surgery for her and an overdue return to competition. The bond grew years later in Montreal, with Virtue and Moir training there from 2016 through 2018.

“They had something unique, where I think a lot of us train hard, we all have a very supportive quality within the school, but Zach and Scott were able to push each other a little bit, almost challenge each other to be pushing harder or motivating each other in a little bit different way,” said Hubbell. “So I think that kind of started the spark that was like, maybe this would work and maybe this would be a good addition. You know, I connect a lot with Marie in choreography and we have a lot of amazing people here, but I think that Zach was able to find a different part of himself working with Scott, and the coaches were able to see that that would be a good combination.”

Timing, however, was trickier. “It turns out that when you’re one of the most decorated skaters of all time, you got some stuff to do, so he was hard to nail down,” said Hubbell. “So I think that actually, this really strange year, where everything was on pause, was a big blessing for us because it gave Scott a lot of time that maybe he would have otherwise been using to tour or go to competitions with his own students.”

The team estimated that they’ve worked with Moir about five times now, including for four days in mid-December a week before our conversation. “It’s pretty amazing, but he always watches our competitions and gives us feedback,” said Donohue. “And he’s in close communication with Marie, so he comes in with a pretty solid plan every time. And we’re just able to breathe a little bit of life into transitions that we thought we understood and get a deeper understanding of them, another energy, a little bit more of a connection to each other within that music. And we both feel the music so well, sometimes it’s easy to get lost in it ourselves, so it’s nice to have him there to kind of give us those focus points on how we can really bring everyone into our story.”

Moir’s recent competitive experience is a boon, noted Donohue, and so too his ability in retirement to focus more on process than results. “From my standpoint of having trained with him and always only seeing the push and the drive and the intensity that is Scott Moir, it’s really interesting to see the way his mind works and the details,” he said. “The way he thinks about starting and finishing a movement, why that movement registers to him, why certain ones work and why others don’t, why they can seem disingenuous. To be able to pinpoint what it is, no, there’s no way, and even if I could, to be honest, I wouldn’t put it out there, because that’s his thing. It’s not for me to share.”

“I was surprised at his specificity,” said Hubbell. “Even now, when he was here, you know, we have the whole program set, but we might spend the entire two-hour lesson with him on one little 10-second transition, because he was very dialed into these moments that he wanted a certain way. There was no rush to get there at a certain point—he was going to spend as much time as needed to get the result that he wanted.”

But that attention to detail was also critical for the team. “That’s part of, I think, why we’re able to feel so comfortable in the piece as well,” she concluded. “Like, there aren’t any sticky moments, there aren’t things that are up in the air or like, oh, this isn’t comfortable, but just push through because it looks fine.”

Moir’s other priority has been keying in on the team’s assets. “Really committing to the fact that if we stay true to what we’re good at and what we like to perform, that that would be enough, and we don’t have to necessarily try to attain all the things from each team or be the best at everything,” said Hubbell. “We have to be the best at what we are.”

And what that is, they’ve determined, is something Moir knows a bit about: the basics. “We love stroking, we love footwork, we love edge quality more than any flashy tricks or more acrobatic moments,” she continued. “We like the human connection of looking each other in the eyes and the simplicity that can come from something that looks simple, but really isn’t simple to execute.”

The free dance made its full public debut in October, via an at-home video performance submitted to U.S. Figure Skating’s International Selection Pool Points Challenge—a new event introduced to allow elite skaters a competitive opportunity in the wake of COVID-related event cancellations. Its only traditional outing so far came at late October’s Skate America, before a live audience of judges, tech panelists, and whimsical cardboard cutouts of fans, pets, and the GEICO Gecko®. Any subsequent outside feedback has also come long-distance—thanks to video submissions to judges and the federation—but despite the uncertainties of the season beyond the U.S. Figure Skating Championships, the team has found ways to stay focused.

“I’d say that staying motivated, at least for myself, has been pretty easy because first, we chose programs that we both really enjoy performing, and second, that we really connect to,” said Donohue. “And then on top of that, we have some of our closest competition here with us. So I think that’s a pretty fortunate situation for us.”

“And especially working with an outside choreographer has helped, I think, kind of put almost competition dates in our mind,” added Hubbell. “It’s almost like those little milestones where it’s like, okay, we know Scott will come back in a month and a half and he’s left us with these projects, and now let’s develop those. And then we get feedback from him.”

The open schedule has, in its way, taught patience. “There were some moments in there that maybe the choreography was a new feeling for us, and instead of having to make it work or simplify something because a competition was coming, we were just able to really commit to the project,” she continued. “And things have remained relatively stable, which is actually, I think, better in the long term for the development of the program.”

***

There’s another bond involved here—that between Hubbell, Donohue, and “Hallelujah,” a connection they’ve discussed since first using lang’s rendition for their short dance in the 2015-16 season. It’s a song closely tied to the early days of their partnership, when Donohue would sing the piece to Hubbell to ease her nerves. In the strangeness of this year’s off-ice off-season, coach Patrice Lauzon suggested the team choose a piece for their free dance that felt like home for them, or a concept that felt underexplored. The answer—including the choice this time of Buckley—was obvious.

“I think we feel like we never really got to fully experience what ‘Hallelujah’ was or could have been because it was missing the feeling that we get… I mean, any time we’d be in the car on a road trip, we’d play one, we’d talk about the other,” said Donohue. “Play the other one, we’d talk about the other one. I mean, they were always kind of synonymous with each other because of the balance of what they brought to the other piece.”

Lang’s version, with a more pronounced 6/8 beat and warmer arrangement, was the more obvious choice for a short dance pairing a Ravensburger Waltz and march. “And it was a good time, I think, in our career, the first year of coming to these new coaches, to explore the more hopeful and outward expression of ‘Hallelujah,’” said Hubbell. But the free was another story. “We knew that the Jeff Buckley version was very important to our relationship. And the Jeff version is Zach for me—like, that is him personified. So it definitely wasn’t going to be the right program without it.”

Dubreuil asked the couple which elements of each song they most wanted to utilize, and she, Moir, and music editor Hugo Chouinard took command of the final arrangement, while Karl Hugo composed a bridging piece to connect the two versions. The full edit has remained untouched since its creation—an unusual situation for elite ice dancers in general, and particularly for Hubbell and Donohue.

“We’re usually the ones nitpicking here and there,” said Hubbell. “And I think she knew that we were so attached to this song that even talking the first time, it was like, which parts do you like? And I was like, well, I like this verse and this verse, and I definitely want to use this verse. I think she knew that she had to take an outsider’s approach. Definitely there are verses that I am very attached to myself that aren’t in that song, and I just carry that energy into the music, even though the words aren’t there.”

Musically, Buckley’s version in particular can be challenging for a skater, incorporating unusual rhythmic moments and spare instrumental backing, while the soaring vocal line and steady pace of lang’s version demands creativity to avoid any obvious choices. An inability to choreograph on ice until after the song’s final edit disrupted the team’s typical hands-on approach to working through music, elements, and layout as an ongoing process.

“Twizzles, for example, was a part where we had a completely different feeling of where it should start, and Marie said something like, ‘oh, we should start it on this music,’ and we were like—” Hubbell offered a dubious expression. “’Not sure, that seems like the weirdest accent to start.’ And then we tried it, and it was like, wow.” So too, she said, with the choreographic sliding move that closes the program.

The outcome has been a program with each element custom-set to the music, intricately woven with even the subtlest accents—even if it means scrapping planned work. “We had a lift in mind that we wanted to put in, and we’ve been working on it throughout the season,” she continued. “And as cool as the lift is, it doesn’t seem to fit. It’s like too dynamic for the quietness of the music, so I think it goes into the log for another year.”

“Hallelujah” itself is often custom-modified by its interpreters. Leonard Cohen claimed to have composed around 80 verses for the song, shifting lines in and out in live performance and giving future artists an opening to craft the story they most wish to emphasize. Hubbell and Donohue similarly prefer to leave their own program open to viewer interpretation.

“We chose it because it’s something very personal and it’s very home for us, and even in the creation of the program with Scott, he never asked to go too far into that bubble,” said Hubbell. But for the team, the messages conveyed by Buckley and lang transcend words.

“[Buckley] has this kind of broken vulnerability about him,” said Donohue. “Like, you hear his voice, and you just kind of don’t move. Even the way he just exhales in the very beginning of the music—we didn’t cut that out because we really felt like it set the tone for what he was feeling and the way he was expressing the lyrics.”

Hubbell finds in Buckley’s rendition a sense of loss, “a painful kind of plea,” whereas lang’s version offers a sense of catharsis. “Jeff’s, each verse, you just feel a little bit more broken inside, a little bit more empty,” she said. “It’s part of why we put Jeff at the beginning, because we felt like we needed to build to a moment of, okay, everything is going to be okay. We all go through this, and there’s light on the other side.”

And then there’s the sense of subject matter—the interpretations of “Hallelujah,” of course, ranging from the spiritual to the sensual.

Of Buckley’s, Hubbell noted, “there’s an intimate, more of a human quality, where I feel like he’s singing about someone or about a lover. There are moments in that song where it feels so much more of a human to human connection. And then k.d.’s, where it really feels ethereal. It feels like she’s singing to God, it feels like she’s asking for some help or some guidance from something that is not understood.”

And while Hubbell and Donohue’s free dance is the merging of two musical perspectives, it’s good to remember that so, too, is its design—Moir joined by the veteran Dubreuil.

“For me,” said Hubbell, “working with them and doing their choreography, it’s like Scott is the Jeff Buckley version and Marie-France is the k.d. lang version. Scott has this grounded, very real—like, there’s no faking the emotion, there’s no contrived story, there’s just real connection, intimacy. You know, just that kind of earthy version that is Jeff Buckley. And working with Marie-France is a lot more giving, it’s a lot more bringing something to the audience that’s watching you, open and graceful and specifically very feminine.”

It’s been said that “Hallelujah” is a song that didn’t quite find its own final form until transformed by new interpretations—first by John Cale, who inspired Jeff Buckley, the impact of whose version then, on some level, inspired many others that followed.

And while it’s easy to look at one team’s free dance as a revision, or perhaps addendum, to an earlier short, it’s more compelling to consider the idea of a genetic thread between interpreters. As Cohen begat Cale begat Buckley and lang, Virtue and Moir’s own “Hallelujah” was choreographed by Marina Zoueva, who injected into that exhibition a few moves drawn from decorated pair Ekaterina Gordeeva and Sergei Grinkov. Hubbell and Donohue’s free in turn carries not only Moir and Dubreuil’s DNA, but echoes of their forebears. The complex but intimate transitions would’ve suited any Virtue and Moir free dance of the early 2010s; the emphasis on utilizing every inch of music through contemporary dance is a legacy of Jennifer Swan and Guillaume Cote.

But my own investment in identifying the program’s intricacies, from musical nuance to choreographic accent, is also just another way of interpreting the enigma that is “Hallelujah.”

“We hope that when people watch it, they have their own experience,” said Hubbell. “Even for us, each time we skate it or practice it, it can bring out a different feeling based on what we’re going through in that moment, so I don’t think there’s a story that should be known. I mean, ‘Hallelujah,’ for me, is like life. Whatever you need it to mean for you in that moment is what it should mean.”

—Two for the Ice

#scott #off ice #coach #press #liked the bit about specificity #laughed at the bit that zach could ever push scott

[imaginesforyourfandom]

Heal My Heart - Chapter 4

August 2008 (Y/N) POV

“Wake up” I groaned slightly when I felt someone continuously poking my face. “(Y/N)”

“No” I whined trying to bury my face into a pillow earning an amused laugh from the girl next to me.

“You have class in like an hour you need to wake up and get ready otherwise you’re going to be late.”

“Fuck class. I don’t need it anyway.” I said turning to look at her. She gave me a doubtful look before leaning to give me a kiss.

“Even gold medalists need to attend their classes.”

I rolled onto my back with a low huff before sitting up. I ran my hands over my face before throwing the blanket off me and standing up. I grabbed some clothes before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. When I came out, Alex was sitting up in my bed. She stood up and walked over to me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and leaning her head on my shoulder as I fixed my hair in the mirror.

“Are you clothed?” We both turned to see Blake half in the room with her hand over her eyes. I picked up some socks that were bundled on the floor and chucked them at her. “Asshole.”

“Why do you assume we are naked?” Alex asked crossing her arms

“Listen, I have already walked in on you two a few times and I am not pleased about it.”

“Don’t you have class right now?” I rolled my eyes before turning and putting my shoes on. I grabbed my backpack as Blake switched some books from her bag.

“I forgot my books.” She said, throwing her bag over her shoulder as I pulled mine on as well.

“I’ll see you at the shop later?” I smiled at Alex and gave a small nod. She gave me a kiss before walking out of the room and going to hers.

“She took my sweater.” I said as Blake laughed and opened the door for us to leave.

“I feel like dating someone you’re living across from is a bad idea.”

“We aren’t dating.” I said as Blake gave me a look.

“Yes, you are.”

“No, we really aren’t…” I said as she shook her head.

“You guys spend all your time together. I mean she’s been attached to you since you got back from China. She wears your clothes and waits for you after work.”

“Okay stop…” I said, feeling a little unsettled.

“I’m just saying you guys are dating.”

“Okay let’s stop talking about it.”

Eventually we split up and headed to our respective classes. What she said had been stuck in my head about Alex. We had been together a lot since we started hooking up. I didn’t really mind because I enjoy spending time with her and the sex is nice, but saying we are practically in a relationship is something I don’t think I am ready to confront.

“Your listening skills are really shit huh?” I turned towards Tati who was glaring at me as I smiled.

“I’m sorry. Are we having a bonding session?” I asked, causing the other girl to roll her eyes.

“You’re a dick.” I shrugged my shoulders as she let out a little whine. “Pay attention to me.”

“What is it?”

“I’m trying to tell you about my date and you’re not listening.” I rolled my eyes as she gave me a look.

“Tell me about your date.” I said as she went to open her mouth before pausing.

I followed her line of sight to see Alex and Katie entering the shop. I smiled when the forward looked towards me. She came over and leaned against the counter.

“Well don’t you just look chipper” I commented as she smiled at me.

“Practice was cancelled tomorrow so I am very chipper.” She said as I grinned

“Was it really?” she nodded her head as I nodded my own head.

“Solid. What can I get you?”

“Are you on the menu?” she flirted as Katie scowled at both of us.

“I think something can be arranged.” I flirted back earning an eye roll from Katie.

“You two disgust me. I just want something to drink.” I laughed taking both of their orders.

“We are gonna be studying over there”

“Okay I’ll bring you the drinks when they’re done.”

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

I made the drinks and gave them to the girls before going back behind the counter. I took a few more orders before Tati finally spoke to me again.

“So how long has that been going on?” I looked to her and she seemed somewhat irritated

“What?”

“You and Alex.” I gave her a confused look before answering.

“There is no me and Alex. We’re just friends.”

“You and I are just friends. You and Blake are just friends. That’s something else.” She said as I sighed. “I’m not mad.”

“We aren’t dating. It’s just sex.” I said as she gave me a look.

“So, you guys are friends with benefits? Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

“Why do you care?”

“She deserves to be happy.”

“You didn’t seem to care when you were leading her on for months.” She immediately quieted down as I went back to doing my job.

“I’m just trying to look out for you both”

“Well, don’t. We are both adults and we can handle ourselves.”

“Okay I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you.” She said looking away from me.

“You haven’t upset me. I just think it’s a little hypocritical for you to stand there and say you care about her feelings when you did what you did.”

“Do you think I intentionally wanted to lead her on?”

“I think you liked the attention. Alex is a sweet person and you liked that she followed you around.”

“Okay maybe I did.” We stood for a moment staring at each other. I turned my head when someone came into the shop.

“I don’t want to have issues with you Tati…let’s just not talk about it.” She nodded her head as we both turned to get back to working. After my shift was over, I headed towards where Alex was packing up her stuff.

“Want to grab a bite to eat?”

“Yeah sounds good.” I said as we exited the shop. We found a place to have dinner quickly and ordered food before sitting.

“You want to talk about it?” I looked at her, giving her a curious look.

“Talk about what?”

“Somethings bothering you.” She said unrolling the silverware and placing the napkin on her lap. “You have that look.”

“What look?”

“That brooding look…” I raised an eyebrow at her causing her to smile. “Talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I’ve been asked twice today if we’re dating and I…I don’t know. It feels weird.”

“We’re not dating.” She said as I nodded my head.

“I know. That’s what I keep saying.”

“So why do you feel weird?”

“I know that we’re not dating. To say we are dating would be to say we have feelings for each other…but we don’t.”

“Does having people say that we’re dating make you feel like feelings might be involved?” I nodded my head as she smiled slightly before leaning forward and intertwining her fingers.

“(Y/N) we care deeply for each other and because of that there will always be some sort of feelings involved. Who cares if people think we are dating? We know the truth.”

“Yeah I guess…”

“Come on…let’s just forget about it.” I nodded my head as we got our food.

The next few weeks things had gone back to normal, but they also hadn’t. The more I thought about potential feelings the more realized that maybe I did feel something for Alex. The fact that we were continuing to have sex with each other through this wasn’t helping.

The more time I spent with Alex, the less I thought about Christen. That was the plan at first. Then, it got complicated because suddenly there was time that I missed her when she was gone. I missed talking to her when we were separated. She’s made it clear that feelings aren’t involved in that way, so I don’t want to tell her and then get rejected.

“You know you might be the most annoying person I know…” I turned my head towards Blake who was shaking her head at me while Katie was laughing.

“What did I do?”

“You aren’t listening…I’ve been having a conversation with you for like five minutes.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I got a lot on my mind.” I admitted as she gave me a small look of concern.

“Want to talk about it?” I curled up on my bed cuddling into my pillow as I shook my head.

The door then opened as Alex came in with an annoyed look on her face. She walked over towards me and climbed into the bed resting her head on my shoulder. I moved a little so we could both be comfortable.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“My stupid professor.” I ran my fingers up and down her back in an attempt to comfort her. “I need an extension on my essay because we will be out of town for a game, but he said no.”

“Have you talked to coach?” I asked softly as she nodded her head.

“He’s going to talk to him about giving me the extension, but I don’t think he’s going to budge.”

“I’m sorry Alex. That sucks.” Blake said as she nodded her head.

“Want to go get some food?” I asked her as she nodded her head.

“Nap first.” She mumbled as I smiled letting her drift off.

“Anyways, back to what I need help with.” Blake said as I nodded my head.

“Yes, back to what I wasn’t listening to…”

“You’re an ass.” I smiled as she shook her head. “There’s a battle of the bands coming up and I’ve been dared to enter.”

“By who?” Katie asked curiously as I grinned. Blake pointed at me with a scowl.

“This jerk.”

“Why did you dare her?” Katie asked as I shrugged slightly.

“I felt like it?”

“Respect.”

“Anyways, I can’t just enter by myself…that’s not a band. So, I need help finding other people to join the band.”

“I can do it with you.” Katie suggested as Blake stared at her.

“Really? You would do it with me?”

“Yeah it could be fun.”

For the next hour, they sat brainstorming ideas and what instruments they would play. They figured out they would need another member to play with them.

“What about a name?” I asked as they both stared at me. “Every band needs a name.”

“I hate you so much.” Blake said as I grinned at her. We sat for another few minutes talking before Alex started waking up. She moved around a little before picking her head up. She stared at me for a moment before letting out a little whine.

“Food.” I smiled slightly before moving to stand up. I pulled her up with me as she moved to fix her hair in the mirror. She still looked very sleepy, so I used the bathroom while she took more time to wake up.

“Come on sleepyhead. I’ll get you some food.” I said as I exited the bathroom. She opened her arms at me as I rolled my eyes turning around so she could get on my back.

“Bye guys.”

“Bye!” Katie said as they went back to trying to find a name for their band.

Blake POV Switch

“This shouldn’t be that hard.” I said as Katie nodded her head.

“I think it just depends on how serious we are about this.” I nodded my head at her. “Your name is what sort of defines you.”

“How about we come back to it?” I asked as she nodded her head.

“Yeah, and I’ll ask that girl in my class if she would be interested in being in the band for the competition.”

“Okay sounds good.” We sat for a moment as I got lost in thought for a few minutes. “Is it bad that I want to win?”

“No, that’s your competitive nature talking…” she commented as I nodded my head.

“I want to beat (Y/N), but like it would be cool to win too.”

“Winning would be great. Beating (Y/N) is just a bonus.” I nodded my head at the statement as we changed topics.

“Have we talked about the fact that (Y/N) and Alex are definitely dating?” I shook my head at the girl who smiled.

“They both claim they aren’t dating.”

“They are definitely dating. You don’t act like they do.”

“Well, (Y/N) has said that it’s just sex…”

“No, I have had my fair share of friends with benefits and it doesn’t look like that…they are both into each other. They just don’t see it yet.”

“Why do you think that is?” I asked as she seemed to think about it for a moment.

“I can’t speak for (Y/N), but I think for Alex. She has already had her heart broken by someone she trusted. She doesn’t want to get hurt again.”

“Yeah no that might be it for (Y/N) as well…” I commented as she nodded her head.

“I don’t know how to get them to realize that the only people who don’t see it are them.”

We sat for a little while just hanging out before the door opened and in walked (Y/N). She had a box of pizza in her hand as she handed it to me. I took it with a smile taking a piece out and eating it.

“Where’s Alex?” Katie asked as (Y/N) fell onto her bed.

“Taking a shower.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t offer to take it with her. You guys are together so much…” Katie responded sarcastically. (Y/N) gave her a look as she got more comfortable in her bed.

“Did you guys come up with a name or not?” she asked as I scowled at our failed attempt to come up with a name.

“We did not. It’s actually really difficult.”

“Well, what did you come up with?”

“Nothing.” I said annoyed as she gave me a pitiful look. “I hate you for doing this to me.”

“You don’t have to do it.”

“And let you win…I think not.” I said as she laughed.

“Well, the competition is in like three weeks. The deadline is in a few days, so you better come up with one.”

“You say that like it’s so easy.” Katie said as (Y/N) shook her head.

“I don’t think that.”

“I just can’t think of anything that fits.”

“Well, it depends on how serious you are about it…like if you were to win is it something you would do after the competition? Like, would you continue being a band? Would you want to go beyond los Angeles or disband after the competition?”

“You just asked me a lot of questions that I do not know the answer to.” Katie said as I nodded my head.

“Write them down and answer them later.” She said as I nodded my head writing down each question. “It’ll help you come up with a name.”

“I hope so.”

(Y/N) POV Switch

The battle of the band’s competition seemed to come quickly as Blake and Katie basically disappeared for a few weeks to work on everything. They got a girl in one of Katie’s classes to be a part of the band. Blake told me they came up with a name and that they were very serious about being in the band.

“I mean…think about it for a moment.” Blake said as we made our way to where the competition was being held. “If we were to win, we could start building a fanbase. Then, the next thing you know everything grows and we are super famous.”

“I feel like you skipped a few steps.” Alex said as I laughed.

“You know what she means…” Katie said as I shrugged my shoulders at them both.

“Yeah so is Eva going to be staying in the band after this?”

“No, she doesn’t want to be in it…she’s doing us a favor for now.” Katie commented as I nodded my head.

“What did you decide on the name?”

“We are going to be known as…ready…wait for it…” Blake slapped my shoulder as I groaned a little. “Beyond Los Angeles!”

“We got it from one of your questions…” Katie said as I nodded my head.

“So, does that mean I get a portion of any money you make?”

“No.” Both Katie and Blake said as Alex laughed at the look on my face.

“Rude.” I said as she wrapped her arms around me. “I don’t want your money anyway.”

Once we got to the place, they left us while we found spots to sit in. The show started quickly and there were some decent bands, but we were waiting for the girls to come out and play.

“Next up we got an exciting trio of girls! Give it up for Beyond Los Angeles!” We cheered as they came out onto the stage. We sat there waiting for a moment before the music started. I know they are playing a song that Blake wrote. I can’t remember what she called it though.

 “I let you get away with thinking you're the cure. I think I'm in too deep, it's time to pull the cord.” Blake sang out as people started to cheer.

“You like me more when you think, I'm getting bored. I hope you're home the day I tear down the walls” Katie took over before they both started singing.

“I won't settle, settle, settle, You are never gonna hold me down. So toxic, you ain't nothin' but a prick…” They continued singing and more people started cheering until the whole place was up on their feet.

As they continued, I took note over how natural Katie and Blake seemed to look on stage together. It seemed more like they had been playing together forever rather than a few weeks. Once they got to the end, they hugged each other as everyone cheered for them.

“I didn’t think they’d be so good!” Alex said as I nodded my head.

“I think they’re onto something” I joked as she grinned. The girls on stage hugged each other with both of them looking ecstatic over the performance. They should be very proud of themselves.

Two more bands went on after them, but they hadn’t seemed to get the crowd as hyped as the girls had. By the end of it, it was about a half hour before the announcer came out to announce the three bands who were going to the final round. He announced the first two bands which weren’t the girls.

“…and the final act going to the finals is…Beyond Los Angeles!” I turned to look over at Blake and Katie who were already jumping up and down in excitement. They went through the final things of the show before Alex and I were reunited with the girls.

“I can’t believe we are onto the next round!” Blake said excitedly as I grinned at her.

“Me neither! That was some song by the way.” I commented as she grinned back at me.

“Yeah we can all say a small thanks to the person who inspired that song.”

“What’s it called?” Alex asked her curiously.

“The best thing that never happened. There’s parenthesis around that never happened though.”

“It’s a good song. It won us this round so…” Katie said with a smug look.  

“Well, I am so proud of you guys!” Alex said hugging Katie as we decided to go out and celebrate.

“So, when is the next round?” I asked as headed out of the place.

“First week of November.” Katie said as I nodded my head.

“That’s exciting!”

“Yeah, you’ll be there right?” Blake asked as Alex and I nodded our heads.

“Of course, we will be!” We celebrated for most of the night before heading back to our rooms. Alex and I made Blake stay in her and Katie’s room so we could spend time with each other.

The next couple of weeks after that was spent doing trainings and school. I had to leave for two weeks for a national team camp. Crazily enough, Alex has been getting called up to the U-20 team, so she was ecstatic over that! The U-20 World Cup was coming up so I knew she was trying to give it her all so she could make the team. She got called up over the summer while I was away, so she was over the moon about being able to continue playing with them.

I was told that if I stayed healthy, I would be playing on the U-20 team for the tournament. They were slightly concerned about my health and if I was getting tired, but we didn’t have any big tournaments next year, so I was fine with it.

“Zoning out really is your thing huh?” I turned towards Alex who was giving me an amused smile.

“It’s a bad habit.” I said as she shook her head.

“I hadn’t noticed.” I gave her a sheepish smile as I tried to remember what we were talking about.

“I’m sorry. I’m just a little tired.”

“I know. I was asking you about the U-20 World Cup.”

“What about it?”

“Do you know yet?”

“Oh yeah…as long as I can stay healthy. I’ll be going.”

“Must be lucky.”

“You’ll get the call-up. I know you will.” I said as she smiled at me.

We got up not long after to go to our respective classes. Afterwards, I had to work a shift at the coffee shop. Alex had a study group for one of her classes, so she was unable to meet me afterwards.

“Hello loser.” I stared at Blake as she came up to the counter.

“You’re so rude.” I responded as she grinned at me. “What can I get you?”

“Water. A doughnut would be nice too.” I shook my head grabbing a water for her and her doughnut. “I’m going to wait for you today since Alex cannot.”

“Okay.” After my shift, we started the walk to the dorms.

“So, are you excited for the World Cup?” she asked me as I nodded my head.

“Yeah it should be fun.”

“When does the official roster get released?”

“Well, from what I know the coach will start reaching out to people tomorrow and the roster will be announced at the end of the week.”

“What are Alex’s chances?”

“Oh, she already made it.” I said as Blake stared at me. “She doesn’t know that yet though…”

“You know that she made it and you didn’t tell her?” she gave me a shocked look as I nodded my head.

“Yeah, I found out a few days ago. I want her to get the call and everything. It’s a whole experience that she should get to enjoy.”

“I’m just surprised you didn’t tell her…with how much time you guys spend together it's amazing you don’t know every detail about each other’s days…”

“We don’t spend that much time together.”

“Yes, you do…I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are absolutely dating.” I shook my head not wanting to accept that it could be a real possibility.

“No, we aren’t…”

“Yes, you are. Look, that’s not a bad thing. I don’t know why you treat it as one.”

“I’ve been down the road of loving someone you shouldn’t…I’ve already gotten my heart broken once…”

“Okay but like…Alex feels the same way you do.” Blake grabbed my arm, stopping me from walking as I tried to pull away.

“Did she tell you that?”

“Well, no she didn’t, but it’s obvious she does. She looks at you the same way you look at her. Everyone knows you guys are dating. Why do you think no one has made any attempt to ask either of you out?”

“Okay maybe she does…maybe she doesn’t but I don’t want to get hurt.”

“Aren’t you just hurting yourself if you ignore it? That didn’t work so well the first time…you waited too long and the girl you loved moved on.” I looked away from her as the reminder of Christen remained heavy in my mind.

“You have no right to bring that up.” I said as I looked back at her trying to hide the pain.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’m not trying to hurt you. I just want you to be happy and right now it seems like Alex makes you happy.” She gave me a soft smile as I looked down at the ground with a heavy sigh.

“I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask.”

“Anyways, have you and Katie decided what you’re going to do for the final round?” I asked as she smiled.

“Yes, we have. We wrote a song together.” I raised my eyebrows at her as she laughed. “It’s a good song if I do say so myself…”

“What’s it called?”

“The Great Escape. I think you’ll like it.” I nodded my head as she talked about the process of writing music with Katie and how fun it was.

“It sounds like you guys had a blast.”

“We did. Are you ever going to show me your songs?” I looked over at her with a surprised look as she gave me an amused grin. “You didn’t think I knew about that did you?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I’ve seen your little book. I wasn’t snooping though. You left it open. They are either poems or songs. I hate to say this but if they are poems they suck.”

“That’s fucking rude.” I said as she laughed.

“I’m serious. Which song was it that I glanced at? Moondust? It was good.” I sighed as we continued walking in silence for a moment.

“It’s just a small hobby I picked up. I don’t necessarily like writing my feelings but writing in song is not so bad.”

“Well, if you ever feel like sharing…I am here for you whether it be your songs or your actual feelings…”

“I know.” I gave her a small smile as she threw an arm around me. We got back to the room not long after that went to bed.

The next day I was on my way to practice when I heard my name being called. I turned and braced myself as Alex came running at me full force. She jumped into my arms giving me a hug.

“I made it!” she said excitedly as she gave me a grin. “I made the team. I’m going to the World Cup!”

“I knew you would!” I said as she leaned in and gave me a kiss. I smiled into it as she pulled back leaving me breathless. We stared at each other for a moment before I went in for another one which she immediately reciprocated.

“I can’t believe I made it.” She said as I gave her a soft look.

“I can. You deserve it.” She smiled at me pulling away but grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers. She pulled me along towards where our practice was being held.

“This means we get to play in the World Cup together.”

“Might as well hand us the trophy now.” She rolled her eyes at my statement before letting go of my hand just as we got onto the field.

Throughout practice, I was distracted by my thoughts of Alex. These last few months with her have been confusing. For the longest time, I have been in love with Christen and only Christen, but the time I have spent with Alex and all the intimate moments we have had has changed things for me.

Since I started everything with Alex, I haven’t really thought about Christen as much. We haven’t talked at all and I don’t really feel that ache in my chest like I used to. Having Blake and Tati both point out that there is something between Alex and I that goes beyond our arrangement has been confusing too. Blake made some good points about waiting and how it hasn’t worked out for me.

I am scared to get hurt. If Alex were to reject me, I don’t know if I could come back from it. I think she is the one I want to be with though. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt to try and give being in a real relationship with her a chance. I was brought out of my thoughts by the whistle being blown signaling the end of practice.

“We are celebrating tonight right?” Alex asked me as we gathered our things.

“Of course, we are!” I said as she grinned at me. We went out with the team and some of our other friends to celebrate Alex making the roster. It was a long night and thankfully I didn’t have class the next day.

Blake POV Switch

“Are you ready for this?” Katie asked me as I stood there waiting for the host to introduce us.

“I think so.” I said as she smiled at me. “I mean…we have practiced as much as we can.”

“We got this.” She said as I nodded my head. “Even if we don’t win, I am so proud of us.”

“Me too.” We gave each other one more smile before walking out onto the stage.

We got set up really quick before we started playing. As we played through the song, the audience cheered for us. It seemed like everyone was super into our performance which was great. I knew the song we wrote would be a hit and by the look Katie gave me at one point, she agreed.

“I can’t believe that just happened!” Katie said as we got off the stage.

“I know!” I said in disbelief that we had just done that.

“They loved the song!” she said jumping up and down for a moment. “We wrote that song!”

“I know!”

The rest of the acts went on to perform before they took a few minutes to deliberate. It felt like forever before they came back with a decision. Third place was announced first which wasn’t us and then second place was announced. There were only six acts so it could be anyone really.

“And your winners for this year’s battle of the bands and taking home the $1500 grand prize…Beyond Los Angeles!”

I immediately felt Katie jump on me as the crowd seemed to go wild. I was in utter shock as we made our way out onto the stage to take the trophy from the host. We stood there for a few moments before making our way into the crowd. We went in search of (Y/N) and Alex. I engulfed (Y/N) into a hug as we started celebrating the win.

“Oh my god!” she said as I grinned.

“Oh my god!”

“I can’t believe we just won!” Katie exclaimed with a look of disbelief.

“You guys killed it!” Alex said with a grin giving me a hug.

We thanked everyone there and talked to some of the people before leaving to go celebrate with our friends. As the night continued, there was a ton of drinking and celebrations. It wasn’t until 3 am that we finally made our way back to our dorm.

“Did that all really just happen?” I asked (Y/N) who gave me an amused smile.

“Yeah. You did it. I am so proud of you.”

“I still can’t believe it.” I mumbled as she laughed.

“You guys did amazing. You should be so proud of yourselves.”

“You know we talked about like…doing it professionally right?”

“Yeah you mentioned it…”

“Well, what do you think?” I asked her as she gave me a confused look.

“About you guys doing it professionally?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, if you want to then you should…you definitely have the talent so I think you would be pretty successful.”

“You mean that?”

“I do.” I nodded my head before laying down. I let my mind wander to the possibilities of what Katie, and I could accomplish if we did all this full time. We could actually make it if we put in the work. As I drifted to sleep, my mind went to what life would be like if we could make it.

(Y/N) POV Switch

The week following Blake and Katie’s win at the Battle of the Bands was hectic. Alex and I were busy doing last minute packing before we had to leave. I was a little irritated at the fact that they weren’t doing a pre-tournament camp for the U-20 World Cup. I get that most of the players are in college, but it would be nice to get to train with each other a little bit to build some sort of team chemistry.

Blake and Katie had developed a little bit of a fanbase following the competition was over. They had both decided that they were going to try to become professional musicians. I had no doubt that they could do it. It will be a long road for them though between that and finishing school.

“Are you ready to go? The flight leaves soon.” Alex asked me as I nodded my head.

We said goodbye to the girls before heading off to the airport. We would be flying to meet the rest of the team before heading to Chile together. The first flight wasn’t so bad but getting with everyone else and finding our spots was stressful. More than I thought it would be at least…

“Have I ever told you that you always look so stressed?” I glanced at Sydney who gave me a grin. Alex, Sydney, and I were in a row together with Alex being in the middle. She wanted to talk to Sydney, so I got to sit in the window seat.

“I tell her that all the time.” Alex joked as I scowled at both forwards.

“I am not stressed. I am tired. There’s a difference.” I commented, closing my eyes and leaning my head back.

“Go to sleep.” Alex said softly as I leaned my head over and down on her shoulder. She was still talking to Syd when I fell asleep.

Once we got to our destination, it was more traveling to get to our hotel. I was roomed with Meghan Klingenberg which was cool. I knew she played with North Carolina, so she had at least some talent. We decided to do some team bonding which led all of us sitting in a room just hanging out.

“What’s it like to win a gold medal?” I shrugged my shoulders as everyone stared at me.

“I mean…it was cool. Playing on a world stage like that was stressful though. Everyone is watching you.”

“You actually got playing time so that must have been cool.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t expecting to get to play during the tournament, but I am glad I got to contribute a little bit.”

“Not going to lie, I feel a little better knowing you’re here.” One of the girls admitted as I smiled a little.

“Happy to be here.”

The couple training sessions we got in before the tournament started were a little rough, but we seemed to come together well.

“Let’s talk.” Tony said as I stared at him for a moment. “Experience wise you have the most of anyone here. You’re going to captain the game against France.”

“Okay…are you sure?”

“You’re a natural leader. Most of the girls seem to look up to you as well…also I am letting you know now that I am only playing you in two of the three group stage games. Only because you have had a busy year and not much of a break. I don’t want to tire you out so early…”

“I can understand that.” I said even though I wasn’t happy about being benched. I never like to be benched, but I get what he’s saying.

The opening game against France seemed to come and go. Alex and Sydney both had great games with both scoring. The game against Argentina was great too. Alex scored two goals and another girl scored too. I felt like this tournament could do wonderful things for Alex’s career if she continued playing super well like she was. The China game which I had been benched in proved to be difficult with us losing by two. We still won the group, but I could tell it was a small hit to confidence for the team.

The knockout stage seemed to be when things were getting a little more serious. England was the first team we faced in the Quarterfinals. We were able to come out with the win with Syd getting a brace. The semifinals against Germany was even more difficult with us getting extremely lucky when one of their players scored an own goal. The final was also insane, but we still managed to come out with the win. Alex technically scored the game winner so I could tell she was super excited by the end of the game.

Overall, it was an incredible tournament. Our team took home the fair play award. Sydney took home the golden ball and shoe, while Alex took the silver ball and bronze shoe. My opinion that this tournament was going to significantly help Alex’s career was only solidified when I watched her collect her awards. It did feel nice to get to lift the trophy for our team. I could get used to being a captain. Maybe one day.

“I can’t believe what a day this has been…” Alex mumbled from next to me. The team had gone out to celebrate, so we took that opportunity to be alone to have our own celebration.

“You did amazing.” I said as she smiled at me. She leaned over and gave me a kiss.

“You were way better. You should have got an award.”

“I don’t need one. I already have the best thing right here.” I boldly stated as she blushed just a little. “I don’t want this to end.”

 “What do you mean?” She gave me a confused look.

“I just…I like this. With you. Having these moments…it’s nice.”

She went to respond when her phone started ringing. She sighed and leaned over to grab it. She answered and was on the phone for a minute before she hung up.

“It was Syd. They are on their way back. They should be here soon so we should get dressed.” She said standing up and looking for her clothes. I tried not to feel too bothered that she hadn’t really responded to my attempt at a serious conversation. Once the girls got back, we celebrated with them a little bit before I headed back to my room.

The next day we headed back to the states. It was two long flights later and a car ride before we arrived back at the dorms. We were back just in time for finals, so we didn’t really get the chance to spend time with each other. We did celebrate with Blake and Katie though. So, that was nice.

I had a few finals, but they were all on the same two days, so I lucked out. When I got back to my room, I found Alex waiting for me giving me a smile.

“I’m making Blake sleep in my room tonight.”

“Any particular reason why?” I asked as she shook her head. She came closer wrapping her arms around my neck as I settled mine on her waist.

“I feel like things have been weird between us and I don’t like it.”

“We’ve just been busy.” She gave me a skeptical look but nodded her head. She leaned in to give me a kiss which I happily accepted. “Don’t you have a final tomorrow?”

“I do, but it’s not until the afternoon so for now I am all yours…and no I don’t need to study because I know the material.” she said with a smile as I nodded my head.

“Well, then…what are we waiting for?” I jokingly asked picking her up and carrying her to the bed.

The next morning was spent just laying in bed with Alex for a little while. Eventually, we had to get up because she needed to get ready to go take her final. She pulled on one of my sweaters while going through my clothes to find something to wear.

“You know you could just go across the hall to get your own clothes, right?”

“Where’s the fun in that?” she joked as I shook my head at her. “I’m using your shower.”

She headed into the bathroom as I rolled my eyes at her. I laid there for a minute or two before there was a knock on my door. I stood up wondering who it could be. I thought about putting more clothes on considering I was in a pair of my practice shorts and a t-shirt before deciding I looked fine. When I opened the door, my entire body froze as I stared at the person in front of me.

“Hey!” Christen said with a bright smile as I stared at her in shock.

“Hi…what are you doing here?” her smile seemed to falter a little at my question. I realized I must have sounded so rude.

“I came to visit you!”

“You do know I am going home next week, right?” I asked as she nodded her head. Before either of us could say another word, Alex came out of the bathroom. She was only in my sweater and a pair of underwear and I swear this is like a nightmare coming true.

“You know this shampoo you have been using is horrible for-” she stopped when she saw Christen standing there. She immediately looked to me and then back at Christen. Christen seemed to stare at Alex with shock and something else I couldn’t quite place, before looking at me. I stared between the two of them for a moment before realizing I needed to say something.

“Alex this is my friend Christen Press. She goes to Stanford.” Alex gave her an awkward wave that Christen returned which was equally as awkward.

“Christen, this is Alex Morgan. She is my ...girlfriend.” Both of their heads seemed to snap to me as I stood there with a panicked expression. Alex had on a confused look while Christen just looked upset.

“I didn’t know you were dating anyone.” Christen said as I nodded my head.

“Yeah…” I glanced at Alex who raised an eyebrow at me. I gave her a pleading look before she smiled at Christen.

“Don’t you have a final?” I asked Alex as she gave me a slightly offended look.

“Yeah, it was super nice meeting you, but I do have a final in 45 minutes and I need to get ready.” She walked towards us giving Christen a smile and me a glare before going across the hall towards her room leaving Christen and I alone.

“I didn’t mean to interrupt.” She said after a moment as I stared at her.

“No, don’t worry about it. It’s fine.”

“So, she seems nice.” I nodded my head

“She is…she’s just…stressed over finals.” I said hoping that she bought it. She seemed to as she looked down.

“I should have called.” She said finally as I shook my head.

“No seriously it's fine…”

“Do you have finals today?”

“No, I finished them all yesterday.”

“Me too.”

“Do you want to get lunch? I’m free the whole day.” She nodded her head as I turned to get dressed into something more appropriate. We headed to get food which ended up being a very awkward meal.

“So, why didn’t you tell me about her?”

“I guess I’ve just been busy…” I said as she nodded her head.

“Or it’s payback for not telling you about Kelley.” She said as I shook my head.

“No, it's not like that. You know I don’t usually hold grudges.”

“It’s fine really…I probably deserved it.” She looked down, which made me feel guilty.

“Christen really…it wasn’t like that. Things are just complicated right now…there was nothing to talk about really…”

“I just really missed you and I didn’t want to wait until next week to talk to you. You don’t really answer my messages a lot these days so…I figured coming to see you would be a little more effective.”

“Like I said, it’s all been really complicated lately with all the traveling and stuff…I didn’t intentionally mean to not answer.”

“I know. I guess our lives have just changed a lot.”

“Yeah I guess they have.” She gave me a sad look as I tried to think of something else to say.

We ended up hanging out for a few more hours before she departed. We promised to try to see each other next week when I finally got home. After she left, I knew I needed to go out in search of Alex. I hadn’t responded to any of her messages during the day.

“Hey, do you know where Alex is?” I asked Blake and Katie who were sitting in Alex and Katie’s room.

“She had a thing. She should be back soon.” Katie said as I nodded, letting out a heavy sigh.

“Why?” Blake asked, giving me a slightly concerned look.

“A friend of mine came to unexpectedly visit and when I introduced her to Alex. I called Alex my girlfriend.”

“You guys are official? That’s great.” Katie said as I shook my head.

“It would be, but we aren’t official, and I was kind of mean to her.”

“When you say friend…do you mean-?”

“Yes!” I cut her off as she gave me a sympathetic look.

“That’s rough.”

“I feel like there is a story here…” Katie said looking between us as I shook my head. I noticed Alex coming down the hall as I turned to walk towards her.

“Maybe another time.” I responded back to Katie just as Alex noticed me. She gave me a slight glare as I opened the door to my room and motioned for her to follow me. She huffed but entered the room anyway.

“Where’s your friend?” Alex asked, looking around the room.

“She went home. It’s a long drive.” I said as she nodded, throwing her bag down.

“So, I’m your girlfriend? Don’t you think you should have informed me? Or what was with you being a complete dick after that?” she glared at me as I tried to come up with something to say.

“I’m sorry.” I said as she shook her head.

“No, it’s not that easy. What the hell was that?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“How about the truth? How about why you were so weird about everything?”

“She’s a friend I grew up with and-”

“So, she’s a friend from where you grew up which means you have to be a dick to me. Is that to like be cool or something…? You didn’t really strike me as that kind of person…”

“No, it’s just complicated describing this…”

“We’re friends! You could have just said we were friends!”

“You were standing in my room half naked! That’s not just friends…” She stood there in silence for a moment. I was already frustrated over everything which caused me to keep going. “What was I supposed to say? Hey, Christen, this is Alex. My friends with benefits who I stupidly fell in love with. I’m not trying to make a fool of myself and I-”

“(Y/N)”

“-It’s not easy trying to explain our relationship to people who-”

“(Y/N)”

“-don’t understand that having sex with someone you’re not dating is okay. I mean…it’s 2008 for Christ sakes-”

“(Y/N)!”  

“What?!?” I asked, feeling overwhelmed by everything. She had a small smile on her face as I stood there breathing heavily.

“You’re in love with me?”

I stood for a moment before running back through my small rant. I closed my eyes and dropped my head at the realization of what I had confessed to her. I opened and closed my mouth for a moment as she waited for me to say something.

“I am.” She stood for a moment before slowly walking towards me. I was rooted to my spot waiting for her to respond. My heart was truly in her hands as she cupped my cheeks. She placed a passionate kiss on my lips with me immediately kissing her back with everything in me. It lasted for a few moments before she leaned her forehead against mine.

“I love you too.”

“Thank god.” I mumbled as she laughed a little. “I’m sorry for being so weird…”

“It’s fine.” She wrapped her arms around my neck. “Let’s just forget about it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She said leaning in and giving me another kiss. “Now, I’ve had a long day and am in serious need of food. You’re taking me to dinner.” She moved to pull away before I pulled her back into me.

“Wait…” she gave me a confused look as I let out a shaky breath. “Will you be my girlfriend?”

“Obviously…” she laughed as I smiled giving her another kiss. “Now, take me to dinner.” I let out a laugh as she intertwined our fingers and pulled me towards the door.

To be continued…

#uswnt imagine #uswnt imagines #uswnt #alex morgan imagine #alex morgan imagines #alex morgan #Christen Press #christen press imagine #christen press imagines

[magioftheseas]

The Hinata/Kamukura Files - Recent Patients’ Thoughts

Written for @the-hinata-project

Day 6: Heterochromia/Hope Arc Hinata/Kamukura -or- Boats/BBQ/Friendship

Rating: PG

Warnings: There’s some references to past despair but it’s mild.

Notes: I was going to do all the sdr2 kids but decided to stop with all the ones who died in the simulation. The survivors will get their day tomorrow. For now, I didn’t want this one significantly longer than the others. It’s still pretty long though. It’s really hard to write in all the different voices but I did my best and I hope this counts for something.

***Alternate Ao3 Link***

Commission? Donate?

It’s funny, for a boy who thought nothing of himself to mean the world to everyone else. You don’t believe me? I’m not terribly good at words, so I’ll pass on the torch in this case.

--

Hinata Hajime is someone who I suppose I envied. A person who accepted himself even after desiring to be someone else for so long.

“It’s because what I have is more precious than talent,” he said. When he had supposedly been chasing talent all his life.

I envied that—perhaps I also sensed it. He’s definitely a person that can be trusted in spite of his mysteries. His identity not quite being as set in stone as it should be.

I understand that, likely better than anyone. That’s why I—well.

It’s why we are friends, I suppose.

--

Hinata-kun’s perfect and delectable in many, many ways! Fine personality, fine face, finer a—

Cough. Cough. It seems I’ve been struck.

More seriously I suppose, Hinata-kun is a kind and adorable sort of person. He’s been through a lot but he’s still innocent. He’s someone that I’m sure Mama would adore me bringing back home.

He’s rough around the edges, but as sweet and homely as red bean paste. Truly wonderful.

--

Hinata’s super unreliable, but he’s motivated and considerate if nothing else. It’s honestly a little embarrassing to praise the guy, but... I do remember a bit more about him.

He was classmates with Satou. And even Kuzuryuu’s sister. I heard—that he was friends with her. With that sister. And yet, I remember Satou mentioning that he’s not the worst offhandedly when I had asked back then. I hear he blames himself for what happened. Back then.

It makes me so angry I want to cry. I’m still fighting off the urge to tell him off! But, the realization that he saw an entirely different side to that conflict—I’ve been thinking about that.

I don’t hate him. I like him a lot, actually. He’s described my photographs in a way that warmed my heart.

He may be unreliable, but I still have places I need to improve, too. So, I think the two of us are fine as long as we keep trying.

--

We don’t have much of a relationship but it goes without saying that I’m aware he’s a kind person. He’s close to someone I—care very much about, as well.

Truth be told, I’ve been drawn as of late to that other presence. The one called Kamukura Izuru. Someone who is very different and yet very similar to myself.

It is not very often I wonder what would have happened to myself if I was never taken in by the Kuzuryuu family. I sincerely do not believe it would have been a normal life regardless. Even now the idea of seeing myself as normal is incomprehensible.

“It is how you lived,” Kamukura would say oh so dully.

“We’re all struggling to be normal,” Hinata would hurriedly add, smile strained.

And both are true, aren’t they? I am aware—that both of them are right.

And I am grateful for many reasons that go beyond expected.

--

They’re both wimps and cowards, but that’s why they need to be protected. That’s what I definitely think—even though I definitely want to mess with them until they keel.

Hinata-nii in particular is still so easy to mess with. Kamukura-nii is less so, but that just makes me more determined. It’s a welcome distraction from all the bullshit we deal with beyond ourselves.

...

We really shouldn’t be alive, y’know? We’ve done way too many fucked up shit to ever make up for it, so I don’t even see the point. But, because of those two, we’re all here anyway. Because of those two, the others are trying to live. Mahiru-nee and all those idiots—even...her.

That might count for something. It might not. I don’t know. I don’t really care.

I’m too stubborn to fall behind at this point. And I might struggle, and I might have to bite the hands that get offered to me by Hinata-nii, but I—

I think we’ll manage somehow, even after we inevitably fall back down.

--

The person you are takes a lot to nurture and blossom, you know?! Hajime-chan has made that much clear! He’s always struggling, sometimes his arms are all wobbly like noodles! And yet, he keeps on beating that drum I got him!

We’re all struggling but making noise—and I think the louder, the prouder!

There are still days where we scream our hearts out, even to the point it blows out our throats. It’s a good thing, then, that Izuru-chan has the talents to deal with that. Him and—even Mikan-chan can help a lot. We’ve all gotten really good at supporting each other!

But, I’m also sure a day will come when we go our separate ways. It’s heartbreaking, maybe even despairing, but despite that, I won’t be alone even when on my own.

It’s fun—how we’re all so different and yet glued together by our experiences. And we have Hajime-chan to thank for that, don’t we?

--

It’s, um, difficult to figure out the words to say. And it’s also so...so difficult to get on your own feet. I still struggle a lot more than I probably should. It’s hard. Even now I have to remind myself where I am—who I’ve become with everything that happened.

It’s horrible, but—I still miss her. I miss Nanami-san too, of course, but—it’s horrible that I miss a terrible person, too.

“It is expected,” Kamukura-san had said. “Regardless of the circumstances, your feelings had ran deep.”

“You’re not a bad person, Tsumiki,” Hinata-san reassured me. Hinata-san reassured me, and Kamukura-san had nodded as well—even though they both hated her so much. Even though they couldn’t understand at all.

They really were so...so kind...

It’s so...difficult but...it’s worth living for.

--

It’s important to live and work hard every day, despite the failures along the way.

That’s always been clear but with Hinata, it’s been even clearer.

He’s the kind of guy who takes on a lot—a real athlete, even discounting Kamukura’s obvious advantages in strength. Kamukura was supposed to be unmotivated—but like hell I’d allow that!

They both need to work hard! Run until they’re high on fumes! Beginning to end!

But it’s our duty to support them. It’s my duty to guide them, since I’m supposed to be acting as a coach right?!

In the past—I may have let a lot of people down. I may have even pushed them to the brink. I won’t lie, waking up was hell, but training from hell is just par for the course, isn’t it? Gyahaha!

I’ll support them, and they’ll support us in return—we’re all a team after all.

--

There are few titles befitting of such a being. However, he is and always shall be the singularity. The singularity of our realm who had crawled his way out of an imprisonment of his own design. Someone who voided their existence—only to return.

Something like that could be called almost godly, but Hinata Hajime, the singularity, is as mortal as can be. He is still weak to humanity’s faults. He can be meek. He can be hesitant. He can be cowardly.

However, he still pushed through—and he is ultimately the reason that our world and our own reason was restored. To call that a feat would be inarguable.

There is—much to be grappled with. Even someone such as I can confront difficulty, but there is no greater privilege than to live and live I shall. Death is a mere afterthought—I have already died twice, fufufu.

But, I live again because of him.

For that, I...will not forget.

--

Ahaha, wait, it’s my turn again? Hasn’t this been dragging on for too long already? I’ve already had my moment before, too.

That doesn’t count? What are you even saying? Someone like me shouldn’t count in the first place.

I chose to die within the simulation. But, so did Kamukura-kun. Hinata-kun also chose to die when he accepted the terms for that wretched project all those years ago.

I suppose it’s only to be expected that we all remain, wretched beings that we are alongside everyone else.

...

It’s because of both of them that we turned out the way we did. I hate them, but I love them, too. I’m not like everyone else, who are all irrevocably kind and appreciative.

There’s still one other ‘victim’ that deserves to speak but she’s no longer here. Expected. But still—unfortunate, I suppose. She was quite cared about.

In her stead, I’ll make sure those two don’t falter. That their future is seized with no chance of escape. It’s not because of my own gratitude. I’m not that selfish.

Hinata-kun...and Kamukura-kun...

I do want to see how you two will shape that future.

It looks bright already.

#thehinataproject2019 #hajime hinata #hinata hajime #izuru kamukura #kamukura izuru #because it's all the kids who 'died' in sdr2 there's #way too many to tag #I was going to include the survivors too but it just got so long so we're sticking with the ones that had to be woken up #sorry #I still hope you enjoy because this was probably the hardest one to write for obvious reasons lol #Magi Fics

[tjkiahgb]

Episode Recap: 3.08, “I Got Your Number”

Let’s see if I still remember how to do this.

Wait. Nope. That’s not it.

One second.

The episode begins with Andi and Bex in their apartment. There we go.

Andi says Bex is using her charger because it has pink tape on it, but then Bex finds another charger and it also has pink tape on it.

Then Bowie jams his head through the still-unfixed giant hole in the wall.

Those bricks look like loose teeth. They’re going to fall out any second. The whole wall is going to come down and no one seems to care.

Bowie also has a charger with pink tape on it and Bex realizes Andi has put pink tape on all the chargers as a ploy to be able to seize any charger she sees for her own use.

I don’t know how Andi thought that plan was going to hold up for longer than a minute. Once Bex found another charger with pink tape on it, it was all over.

On the other hand, I’m glad she’s doing sneaky stuff like this. It’s like living with a little velociraptor. She’s clever and dangerous and always plotting something. It keeps Bex and Bowie on their toes and keeps their minds active, which is important as you start to age.

The next day, Buffy finds Andi at the Jefferson Middle School Machu Picchu.

She delivers her a handwritten invitation to hang out that weekend. It’s a bit extra, but I appreciate the effort.

Then Buffy says her plan is to watch a ton of bad dance-themed movies and reels off a list of films that -- and I did the math on this -- would take Andi and Buffy over 16 full hours to watch. It would basically be: wake up, watch nothing but dance movies the entire day, then go to bed.

Buffy calls it the “DanceDance Film Festival.”

I call it cruel and unusual punishment.

I’m pretty sure the Geneva Convention has rules against treating prisoners of war this way.

Watching 16 straight hours of dance movies sounds like something a conspiracy theorist barking up a wrong, dumb tree would do.

If I was trapped in a steel box for 16 hours and had nothing but a portable DVD player and the Step Up films, I’d spend my time trying to punch my way out of the steel box. (don’t @ me, Step Up fans)

Andi’s into the idea though, except she can’t do it because she already has plans for that night with Amber. Andi suggests they do it tonight, but Buffy has plans with Walker.

They decide to postpone this marathon of pain until another time and say they’ll plan out a future date for it. And then they both talk about how crazy it sounds for them to be making plans like some kind of lame adults or something.

20! Hah! Can you imagine? Can you even imagine??

*laughs and laughs and laughs until the laughter turns into tears and now I’m laughing and crying and I don’t know if I can stop* Help me.

Speaking of being old, Bex and Bowie read books on the couch. Bex asks Bowie to hold her foot which makes Bowie feel like they’re an elderly married couple. They swap visions about how cool it’d be to be unaware seniors.

Then Bowie tells Bex he could see her as a grandma...

...which is something I would never say to someone. I don’t care if she’s 100 and wearing a shirt that says “Ask me about my grandchildren!” You let them say they’re a grandma first, and then you always say something like, “You’re a grandma?? That’s crazy! I’d never have guessed!”

All this talk of being old freaks Bex and Bowie out and they decide to get out and have themselves a little romantic evening. The type only young folk have.

Over at one of Cyrus’s houses, Cyrus brings Jonah down to his stepdad’s man cave for some ping pong. Jonah is surprised Cyrus has a ping pong setup, but Cyrus says it’s because until recently his stepdad was using it for civil war reenactments.

Oh so they’ll let Cyrus imitate guns firing but they won’t let him say gay. Ok.

They start to play and Cyrus quickly goes up 3-0.

Suddenly, TJ comes waltzing down the stairs.

Who let him in? Do Cyrus’s parents know him? Does he have a key? Was he already in the house, stalking around like a cat? I like any and all of these possibilities.

Either way, he’s here now. Just in time to congratulate Cyrus on taking a 3-0 lead. He does this by saying, “Niceberg.”

Sorry. Hold up. I gotta rewind.

This’ll just take a second.

Ok. Be right with you.

Alright, just gonna put that in the mail and I’ll be right back.

Ok. Back.

Anyway, long story short, I don’t feel like “Niceberg” is gonna catch on the same way “Underdog” did.

Jonah’s mood immediately flips. He starts looking for any reason to get out of the basement.

Cyrus is like, if this is about the gun thing, we worked that out. Jonah’s like, it’s not about that. I couldn’t care less about that. I had the Metcalf tattoo thing and the Libby thing, I barely even know what happened.

Jonah storms out, leaving Cyrus and TJ in a metaphorical hole of confusion.

Also, like, a literal hole. Because that’s kind of what a basement is? A hole in the ground? I’m trying too hard to be poetic I think. You can’t force art.

Jonah retreats to Red Rooster Records. He wants to know why he wasn’t warned of this surprise TJ. Cyrus is like, I didn’t think I had to.

You’re universally liked and you universally like everyone back. You know, like a Golden Retriever.

Cyrus says TJ’s in between friends right now, what with TJ sending Reed and Lester up the river to Sing Sing to do 10 years hard time.

Jonah says he’ll never be friends with TJ. He says it’s a long and embarrassing story, though I imagine it’s nothing like the embarrassment Alfonso Mazzanti would feel if he saw his record was still sitting unpurchased in this ratty store.

Does no one in Shadyshade have an appreciation for opera anymore?!

Jonah says the story goes all the way back to little league and we get basically a Drunk History retelling of the Jonah/TJ fight, except Jonah’s obviously not drunk, he’s just Jonah, so, you know: Jonah History.

And the story is this: Jonah used to love baseball. He idolized Roberto Clemente. Now, I’m not going to argue Clemente isn’t an all-time great, but I do find it strange that this kid in Shadyside loved a player who spent his entire career in Pittsburgh and died some 40 years before Jonah was even born. Most kids just go with Derek Jeter, but to each his own I guess. Anyway, Jonah wanted a “21″ jersey to be like Clemente.

But before he got to wear it, it was nabbed by a young TJ, from way back before he changed the direction his hair parts.

This leads to an argument where young Jonah gets angwee.

Cyrus asks Jonah if he cried, but Jonah invokes the baseball law laid down by Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own: there’s no crying in baseball. Cyrus says that’s just a line from a movie, but since when did he become an expert on sports? Stay in your lane, Cyrus.

Jonah says the jersey thing led to a shoving match that got stopped by his dad (their coach) before it could get too far. Jonah took another jersey, but the emotional scars remained. He couldn’t take the pain of watching TJ playing in his number and Jonah would never play a real sport again, banished forever to a lifetime of frisbee.

Cyrus says Jonah has proclaimed multiple times that Ultimate Frisbee is a real sport, and Jonah’s like, “Yeah...”

...let’s stop lying to ourselves about what frisbee is.

Jonah thinks the whole grudge is stupid, but Cyrus feels that it’s clearly important to him and it’s part of what shaped him as a person, so it can’t be that stupid.

Cyrus wants to figure out why TJ did it. Jonah thinks it’s because he’s permanently mean. Cyrus is like, no, he isn’t. He just has resting mean face.

Jonah feels glad to have talked it out and says he’s ready to let it go, but Cyrus isn’t, more so for TJ’s sake than anyone else’s at this point, I assume.

That night, Andi and Amber walk through a parking lot. Amber asks about the Buffy/Walker situation, which Andi says is still a situation, although she’s feeling less strict about following the Girl Code’s laws to reacting to such situations. They discuss how there’s room for interpretation as far as the Girl Code goes. It’s not exactly the Ten Commandments chiseled into stone.

Andi suddenly realizes they’ve been walking a long time and have somehow found themselves deep in the warehouse district.

Amber leads Andi towards a warehouse party. Andi starts to get a little unsure about this whole thing. As they head for the entrance, a man with facial hair exits.

A man that does not shave on a regular basis is one of the best indicators of questionable behavior in the area. You know the old saying: clean faces, clean hearts.

Amber says it’s a high school party, but not to worry, because she’ll protect Andi. They head inside.

Guys. This high school party. I’m losing my mind. I feel like I could make 1000 gifs of the people dancing in this place. I’m not going to, but I could.

Because this party...

is a party...

for dweebs.

I mean, I get part of the problem. It’s Disney Channel. They aren’t allowed to really show anything, so nothing like underage drinking or whatever. You just have to assume it’s an intimidating party off-screen. Ok. Fine.

But maybe the costume designer could’ve put everyone in less floral prints?

There’s very little that’s intimidating about a floral print unless it’s being worn by some kind of iron fist island dictator.

Andi gets separated real quick from Amber and immediately begins to panic.

Bex and Bowie, meanwhile, take a romantic nighttime carriage ride through the park when they get a text from Andi about the warehouse party.

Bowie asks the carriage driver (conductor? horsier?) to take him to Andi.

I hope he understands these carriages are not taxis. I’m not even sure they’re really street legal.

Bex is surprised to find out Andi snuck off to a warehouse party, but Bowie says at least she came clean to them about it within minutes.

Bex wants to know if the carriage can go faster. Bowie stops the carriage instead and says he’s going to run all the way across town to the Meatpacking District to get their daughter.

Bex stops him and says he’s doing a great job as a dad. Really dadding it up. And then they make out again.

These two. They’re always making out. It’s like, get a room.

Bex sends him to find Andi and he takes off running as the carriage horsier sits in uncomfortable silence.

Bowie finds his way to the warehouse party and runs in with the pitch perfect energy of a dad come to take his teenage daughter away from a party.

Although, and I don’t want to harp on this too much again, but if I was Bowie and walked into this party and this was the first thing I saw...

...I’d breathe a big sigh of relief.

I’d be like, “Oh, thank God: dweebs. It’s a dweeb party. Phew.”

He quickly finds Andi and she asks him what took so long. They start to leave when Amber returns. She’s like, are you leaving? And Bowie’s like, you’re darn tootin’ she’s leaving! Amber tries to take the blame but Bowie says it was Andi’s decision and she’ll take responsibility for it. They leave together.

Outside, Andi thinks Bowie’s whole dad thing was an act, but it turns out he was actually very much in dad mode. He says her behavior has led him to not trust her at this moment and then he throws his hand over his mouth like he just called Andi an expletive by mistake.

Bowie and Andi are shocked by this sudden dad-ness.

Andi promises to never do this again, but Bowie isn’t listening because all he can hear is how much he just sounded like his father. He and Andi both see this as a big moment in their father/daughter relationship, and I guess that sort of releases any of the tension as it seems Bowie actually isn’t going to follow up on any of the punishment talk.

They head off. Bowie tells Andi to call Bex but before she can, Bex shows up in the carriage in the middle of this industrial parking lot like some kind of misplaced Disney Princess.

Andi realizes she’s ruined Bex and Bowie’s date night, but they forgive her and all ride off together.

At Cyrus’s house, Cyrus has brought TJ and Jonah back together to solve this little league thing. TJ thinks it’s crazy. Jonah wants to let it go but TJ doesn’t want Jonah going around rest of his life proclaiming him some kind of jersey thief.

At this point, I was kind of like, “Oh, I actually like TJ’s outfit here.”

But then I was like, “Hold on a second. Enhance.”

That’s a basketball hoop! This is a surprise basketball shirt outfit!

Dammit! I can’t believe how many basketball themed shirts he has in his closet.

Anyway, Cyrus pulls up a picture of the two in little league.

Both Jonah and TJ think this proves their point.

But then Cyrus confirms the jersey number is actually 21 and TJ realizes his dyscalculia has struck again.

He explains to Jonah he’s got a learning disability. That this whole thing has been something of a misunderstanding.

Jonah apologizes for holding onto this grudge for so long and for never thanking him for helping him when he was having a panic attack at the Bash Mitzvah.

TJ notes that everyone has struggles.

Cyrus notes his fear of flamingos, which is not the first thing I’d think of when it comes to him, but I don’t disagree. They have unnaturally thin legs.

I don’t trust them for one second.

Jonah and TJ fist bump to end the grudge.

That was such a great little scene. One, for tying up the TJ/Jonah loose end from the Bash Mitzvah, but two, for showing these characters’ growth. It’s nice to see these two, who had previously been so guarded, be able to discuss their mental health openly without fear or anger, and then support each other.

On the other hand, Jonah’s now told TJ about his anxiety before he’s told Andi about it. I guess she was always going to be the hardest one to tell, but uh... yeah...

Speaking of Andi, she shows up at Buffy’s house with a big ol’ bag of popcorn and a pretty sweet new impression.

She explains the party was no fun, but that Buffy is. She wants to hang with her and participate in her crazy film festival.

They start dancing the night away.

Buffy asks if they’ll still be doing this when they’re 20.

*laughs and cries until I’m suddenly scream-wailing into the night sky for some reason* I’m fine.

They dance and dance until the episode ends.

So I guess there really isn’t going to be any punishment if Bowie and Bex just let Andi go hang out with a friend that very night.

Unless they heard what Buffy’s plans were and decided that was punishment enough.

Sure it seems like fun now, but when she’s at hour 12 of this and the credits are rolling on Step Up 3D and then Buffy goes, “Awesome! Let’s watch it again!”, Andi’s going to be wishing she was grounded.

#Andi Mack #Buffy Driscoll #Cyrus Goodman #Jonah Beck #TJ Kippen #Amber #Bex Mack #Bowie Quinn #Andi #episode recaps

[thedevilinherself]

Somewhere In Mexico Ch. 1

So this is me breaking down and posting my stories here again. I have quite a few followers here who don’t use Ao3 and I want to make sure everyone who follows me is able to get to my work. Also, Tumblr seems to have fixed their tag system, at least made it less broken then it was. So here you go. I am full force in the Red Dead fandom and loving writing for these cowboys so you can expect more in the future. Hope ya’ll like it! (Oh, and small Spoilers for chapter three. But it’s nothing big and or seriously plot related.)

Ch.1 / Ch.2 / Ch.3 / Ch.4

The rides back to camp always felt like they took too long. Especially after a bad heist. The stage coach that had been rumored to be transporting treasure had been nothing but a woman their informant had a grudge against. All that trouble for a few dollars and some jewelry had the boys in a sour mood.

The only consolation was the good company. Javier enjoyed Arthur and Charles’ banter. They were good men. Well, bad men, but good friends. He trusted them to have his back. And besides that, they were generally pleasant to be around.

“It just feels like everyone is getting restless. I reckon we need to make some good money. And quick. Then head west before the law gets wise.” Arthur grumbled, rocking with his horse’s movements as they meandered down the dirt path, the small but persistent hope lingering that a good heist would just cross their path.

“You don’t have to convince me. But Dutch thinks there’s money to be had with these two families. And he’s dead set on finding it.” Charles agreed, gaze lulling in the other two’s direction.

“Just going to get us in deeper.”

“Hey.” Pulling back on the reins, Charles nodded towards a clearing just off to the right. Among the flowers and tall grass stood a group of deer. Three or four of them. “We should at least bring back some food. Pearson has been on me about needing meat.” With a nod, Arthur and Javier reached for their rifles. “Not the guns. I ran into O'Driscolls around these parts the other day. A lot of them. Think they have a camp around here. Arthur, you still have that bow.”

Not needing further instruction, the blond took out the bow, readying a few arrows as he encouraged his horse forward enough to shoot around the others. With slow movements, he pulled back the string, taking aim before letting an arrow loose.

The cry of the deer would have been alarming if it wasn’t his millionth time hearing it. With it, one deer fell the ground, thrashing for a moment before stilling. The others wasted no time dashing off, running across the path ahead in their escape towards the woods. Feeling confident, Arthur again drew the bow, loosing another arrow in the direction of the fleeing dear. Again they heard the cry, the last deer falling to the ground. But this one managed back to its feet, disappearing down the path ahead and out of sight.

“Nice. I see you’ve improved.” Charles smiled, pleased with his friend’s shots. “You go get the fallen one. I’ll track the injured one. It can’t get too far.”

“Shoah.” Turning his horse in the direction of the field, Arthur seemed pleased with this turn of events.

“I’ll help. You have no room on the back of your horse anyway.” Javier offered, following his friend.

With that the men went their separate ways. The shot had been clean and the deer a nice catch. It was easy enough to load onto the back of Javier’s horse. Quickly lashed down and ready for the road.

“Alright, let’s meet up with Charles. If this area is as full of O'Driscolls as he says, we better not leave him alone too long.” Javier nodded, following the other as they started back down the road.

It didn’t take them long to find their companion. As they crested the hill, they saw him just down the road, deer already lashed to the back of his horse. Sitting tall on his horse, the man’s attention was taken by two figures that stood on the side of the road. Even from the distance, it was clear that it was a woman and a small child.

“Leave him alone for five minutes and he starts chatting up some woman. And here I thought you were the smooth talking one.” Arthur chuckled, giving his dark skinned friend a good natured smirk.

“We’ll see if he can keep her attention. Just make sure you don’t scare her off.”

With a laugh, Arthur rode ahead, followed behind by the other as they went to rejoin their friend. As they neared, they were able to pick up what was being said.

“I wouldn’t recommend it. It’s not safe out here. There are dangerous men out. And don’t take offense, but you don’t look prepared for a fight.”

“We don’t have much of a choice.”

“My companions are just over the hill a ways. We could give you a ride to the nearest town if you need.”

“Really? Bless you, sir. Bless you.”

“What seems to be the trouble?” Coming on the scene, Arthur came to a halt behind Charles, lazily sizing up the situation.

“This woman’s horse just got caught in a trap. She had to shoot it and was needing help finding the nearest town. I think it’d be best if we took them there. We have the time anyway and we could pick up supplies.” Charles expounded on the situation, looking between the two men who nodded before returning his gaze to the travelers.

But he was lost to you. The whole world fell away, lungs emptied, and heart clenched as your eyes locked on Javier. And as his eyes met your gaze, his expression fell, lips parting for the words that failed him. Your face, your hair, your eyes. Those eyes that saw through him, leaving him hollow.

“y/n” He breathed your name. The only thing he could bring utterance to as a thousand thoughts flashed through his head in a jumble of indecipherable emotion.

“Javier.” You answered on instinct, mind blank.

“What are you doing here?” He managed, the only thought he could work out enough to be cohesive.

Your hand tightened around your son’s causing him to jump before addressing you.

“Mamá?” Your son’s voice seemed the push you needed to get your wits about you. Pulling him close, you wrapped your arm around him, pinning the boy to your leg.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business.” You asserted deffensively, gaze as cold as your heart.

“It’s not safe here.” Javier asserted, numb to your sharp tone. “At least let us help you-“

“Not from the likes of you.” Spitting venom, you pushed your son behind you, “We’ll find the way ourselves.” Turning, you hurried your son away, shushing his questioning as you quickly put distance between you and the men.

“What? Are you serious?” he exclaimed, stunned at your toxic response.

“Espero que un pollo te pique la polla!” You called back to him, never looking back as you rushed over the next hill and out of sight.

“What the hell was that about?” Baffled, Arthur looked from Javier to Charles, hoping the other had some clue as to what was going on.

“You know her?” Charles asked.

Face glowing red, the Mexican’s breathing was reduced to short, forced intakes of air, face contorted in rage. Both men were startled at the sight, the pure murderous fury that burned in his eyes unmatched by any experience they had with the man.

“We can’t let them go.” He growled, eyes still trained on the spot you had last been. “Arthur. Grab the boy.”

“What?” Alarmed, Arthur barely managed out the question as Javier began to spur his horse on.

“Just do it!” Racing off, there was no arguing with the man as he charged after you.

“Who the hell is she?” Arthur called after him, kicking into his horse’s side in an attempt to keep up.

“My fucking wife.” The men weren’t sure they heard him right as he shouted back to them. But there wasn’t time for questions.

As they overcame the hill, the two men were just in time to see Javier leaning off the side of his horse, scooping you up in his arm as you were wrenched away from your son. In any other circumstance, they would have been impressed just how gracefully the man scooped you up onto his horse. But in light of the impromptu kidnapping, the skill was secondary to the issue.

“Mamá!” The boy cried, suddenly alone in the street.

“Put me down you hijo de puta!” Claws and fist flying, Javier struggled to keep his horse straight on the path as you assaulted him.

Not brave enough to try the same stunt, Arthur slowed to a trot, grabbing a fist full of the boy’s collar to haul him onto his horse. Afraid to fall, the boy clung to Arthur, wailing hysterically as they raced off after you and your captor.

“It’s ok, boy. We’re just taking you somewhere safe.” He reassured, spurring his horse on till he was close on Javier’s tail. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Don’t touch my son!” You screamed, shoving at Javier’s face as you attempted to grab at the reins.

With one hand, Javier was able to secure your wrists, pinning you to his chest as he did his best to ignore the stream of Spanish curses you hurled at him.

“Keep it down. With all this noise we’re bound to attract some unwanted attention.”

As if hearing their cue, the sound of hooves rolled in like thunder, from all sides.

“Get ‘em, boys!” The first two shots whizzed over your heads, but the third was too close for Arthur’s comfort.

“Shit! You done it now!”

“Split up! We’ll meet back at the camp. Arthur, I’ll help you guard the kid. Javier, see if you can give them the slip.” With no time to confirm as the numbers overwhelmed them, the men split off, disappearing into the woods as Javier continued down the dirt path, horse panting as if possessed.

“My son! Where are they taking my boy?” You flailed wildly in Javier’s arms, neck craning to try to catch sight of your son as a handful of men followed them into the trees.

“He’ll be fine. Arthur won’t let anything happen to him.” He reassured, ducking off the trail as bullets rained down on the two of you.

“Take me back. Take me to my son.”

“We have more pressing matters!” He asserted, leaning you forward as his horse jumped a fence. “You could help you know!” Releasing your hands to take a firm grip on the reins, Javier wasn’t sure giving you a gun was the best idea, but between you and the O'Driscolls, he trusted you a little bit more.

Pulling his gun from its leather, he could see the momentary flash in your eyes as the thought crossed your mind. But as another bullet came dangerously close, you thought better of it. Pressing against Javier, your arms wrapped around his neck, face pressed against his ear as you aimed the weapon at the closest man in pursuit.

A shot rang out, the gun bucking up in your hand from the recoil. The man ducked away, but was unharmed. Pulling the hammer back, you fired off again. And again. And again. You managed to pick off three of the men, whether fatally or just wounded you weren’t sure. But it was good enough at the moment.

“How many are there?”

“Five. I need to reload.”

“My satchel!” He called back, leaning into you as he took a sharp right turn to avoid a rock.

“Four.” You called out as one of the men crashed their horse into the rock Javier had dodged. Reaching into his satchel, you pulled out the box you needed quickly picking out six bullets before securing the box in the front of your shirt. Hugging against him to steady your hands, you hurriedly slipped the bullets into their slots.

“The boy. Is he…” Javier let his sentence trail off as a rider came up to his side, pointing a gun at the two of you. With a jerk of the reins, he rammed into the man, fist flying out to land a solid blow on the O'Driscolls’ face. The man tumbled off to be dragged by his horse as it veered away.

“He’s not yours, if that’s what you’re asking!” You shouted back, bitterness heavy in your voice.

Two more shots rang out and another man was down.

“You didn’t wait long.” Javier shot back, arm wrapped around you to secure you as he took another sharp turn.

“Longer than you deserved.” Another shot and another man. Now there was only one, slow and lagging behind. “Go faster, we’ve almost lost him.”

A few more sharp turns and the man was out of sight. Yet still, Javier did not slow. Through fields and forests and trails he rode on, maneuvering as if still under a barrage of bullets.

“Hey, stop. Stop!” Grabbing at the reins, you pulled back hard, almost causing the horse to rear back as it came to a sudden stop. “They’re gone. What the hell are you doing?”

“I had to make sure we weren’t being followed.”

“Well we’re not. Now take me back to my son.” Pointing the gun at his chest, your eyes filled his heart with ice and sent fire through his veins. In one quick move, he wrenched the gun from you, free hand grabbing a fist full of your hair to yank your head back. A small mewl of pain escaped you as Javier glared at you from under heavy lids.

“Point a gun at me again and I’ll break your hand.” Your breathing was heavy with anger, but you did not protest. Releasing you, the outlaw returned his gun to its holster before fixing you with a stony stare. You glared back, unwilling to give ground as you leaned as far from the man as your position would allow.

“Where is my son?”

“Back at camp. He’ll be safe there.”

“Take me to him. Now.”

“Fine.” His tone was gruff, but he obliged nonetheless. Pulling the reins, he started up a steady pace as the two of you made your way back to camp.

An uncomfortable silence fell upon the two of you. Neither willing to say any of the things that flooded your minds. The landscape was unfamiliar as he carried you on, but you did you best to remember it, not wanting to be left at the mercy of his compassion once you were reunited with your son. After a long stretch of road had been traveled, Javier broke the silence.

“What are you doing this far north? I thought you said you’d never leave Mexico.”

“I already told you, it’s none of your business.”

“Did you come here with the boy’s father?”

“None of you-“

“Who my wife sleeps with is my damn business.” He retorted, voice a warning as his hands clenched around the leather and his handsome visage was shaped by his furrowing brow.

“Well I’m hardly your wife anymore.” You snorted averting your eyes.

“How come when we were together you always told me you didn’t want kids. Didn’t want to raise them in a world like this. But as soon as I’m gone you get knocked up by whatever man will warm your bed.” You startled a few birds with the loud sound of your hand on his cheek, holding back none of your strength as you expressed your displeasure.

Javier was stunned for a moment, his face stinging as you glared daggers at him, cheeks red and expression indignant. You knew he would retaliate, but you hadn’t expected his tongue to force its way down your throat, nor his hand at the back of your neck, forcing the kiss deeper still.

With a strong shove you had him off you, spitting and cursing as you wiped at your mouth, cheeks furiously red. You couldn’t read his expression, or his eyes. Something so familiar yet so foreign in the way his eyes lingered on you.

“It’s getting dark.” He finally spoke, as if nothing had happened. “We better get back to camp.” Eyes returning to the road, he didn’t speak another word, stoically silent as he wound his way through the growing darkness.

Wandering into another lining of trees, you were startled when a voice called out in the dark.

“Who goes there?”

“It’s me, Karen.” Javier answered back, never slowing his horse.

“Javier? Is everything alright? Arthur said y’all ran into trouble.”

“Everything’s fine.”

“Well good.” As the voice again replied, the lights of a fire caught your eye, the trees thinning to reveal a clearing on the water’s edge.

When Javier had said camp, you had pictured a small cluster of tents the three men occupied. But this was a whole operation. Everywhere you looked there were people and horses and tents. It might as well have been a small town. Leading his horse up to a hitching post, Javier was quick to dismount, offering you a hand that you shrewdly refused.

“Javier. My boy. You’ve returned safe at last.” A deep voice boomed over the camp, a well dressed man approaching the two of you with open arms. “And you’ve brought a guest. Allow me to introduce myself. I’m Dutch Van Der Linde. Welcome Madam.” Taking your hand, the man lay a kiss to soft flesh, making you flush as he spared you a devilish grin. So distracted were you with the man’s greeting, that you missed the way Javier watched you from the corner of his eyes as he unloaded the deer from the back of his horse.

“Mamá!” Your heart leapt into your throat as you heard your son’s squeal. Looking over in the direction of a large campfire, you saw your boy sprinting towards you, lips split into a huge smile as his arms reached for you.

“Mi hijo!” Rushing to him, you scooped him up in your arms, his joyous giggling putting your heart at ease. “Are you well? Did they hurt you?”

“No, Mamá. We played games. They have a dog. And I made a friend.”

“Did you now? And here I’ve been worrying about you. And you’re off playing games.” You smiled, kissing his forehead as you did.

“It was fun, Mamá.”

“He’s a good kid.” A large, dark skinned man stepped forward. You recognized him as one of the men who had accompanied Javier. You spared him a nod, grateful that they had kept your son safe, but still distrustful.

“Thank you. But we must be going now.” With a grunt, Javier shouldered the deer, carrying it past Dutch as he leaned in close to mutter.

“Don’t let her leave.”

“Madam. I know your means of arrival were less than hospitable. But please, let us make it up to you. Stay. At least for the night.” Dutch again interjected, motioning towards the fire.

“We really should be going. I’d like to make it to the next town before morning.”

“Now, I’m sure you’re a capable young woman. But it’s a dangerous country out there. Full of delinquents and thugs. And with it being dark, well, I just wouldn’t feel right letting a pretty young thing and her son go out alone. Please, stay the night. We can prepare you a tent and I’m sure you need a warm meal.”

“Mamá, I’m hungry.” Your son chimed in, clearly enjoying his time here and wanting to stay.

“I’m not so sure.” Your eyes tracked Javier as he placed the deer at the butcher’s table. Dutch observed this, stepping in closer to steal back your attention.

“Madam. I give you my word, ALL my associates will be on their best behavior while you are here.”

“Please, Mamá. Please.” Your son chimed in. You couldn’t deny, you were hungry and tired. And the thought of the long walk to whatever town was near put an ache in your feet. Reluctantly, you agreed, assuring yourself that the camp was big enough for you to avoid Javier.

“Wonderful.” Dutch exclaimed, clapping his hands together. “Mrs. Grimshaw! Please, help our guest get settled in. And see to it that she gets a warm meal.”

An older looking woman fussed over, barking orders at two of the other women to prepare a tent for you before leading you to the fire. You soon had a warm bowl of stew in hand. The flavor was lacking, but as hungry as you were, food was food. It didn’t take long for your son to scarf down his meal, fleeing to run around the camp with another small child that appeared a bit younger than him.

Every now and again your eyes would wander to Javier, comforted by the fact that he occupied a table on the other side of camp. As a few of the women joined you around the fire, you soon slipped into conversation with them, enjoying the company of other females. Something you had been lacking for the last few month.

Javier sipped on his beer, stewing in the emotions he hid beneath his indifferent facade as he watched you titter with the women. Too many memories and questions occupied his thoughts. And the beer wasn’t nearly strong enough to drown them.

“I’ve never seen a man sulking about, pining over his own wife before.” Javier spared his friend an unamused glance as Arthur sat down at the table, a pleased smile on the cowboys' lips.

“I’m not pining.”

“But you are sulking.” Arthur pointed out, leaning heavily on the table, beer in hand. “What even happened between the two of you? I’ve never heard you mention you’re married. Let alone had a son.”

“I’d rather not talk about it. And he’s not mine.” Despite his usual cool demeanor, Arthur could see that your appearance had shaken up something in the man.

“Oh, so it’s like that.”

“It’s not ‘like’ anything. Just leave it alone.” He shot his friend a warning look, but Arthur just smirked back.

“You can’t tell me that. I was there. I saw how you lost your head over her. That stunt you pulled I would have expected from Marston, but you?”

“Mr. Arthur! Mr. Arthur! Can I draw some more in your journal?” The men were interrupted as your son ran up, tugging on Arthur’s arm to gain his attention.

Both men turned to regard the child, Javier’s lips pursing as he studied the boy’s tan skin and dark hair. Feeling his gaze, the boy looked up at the other man and started. Ducking behind Arthur, he peered out at Javier from under the cowboy’s arm.

“You’re that bad man that took Mamá.” Javier raised a brow at the boy’s statement, finding himself in no mood to deal with the child.

“Now, boy. He ain’t a bad man. Just an- an old friend of your mother's.” Arthur assured.

“Really?”

“Shoah. Ain’t ya, Javier.” The darker man shot the cowboy a annoyed glare, but couldn’t refuse Arthur’s expectant gaze.

“Yeah. Old friend.”

“Mamá never told me about you.”

“Well, your Mamá never told me about you either.”

“You must not be a good friend then.” Arthur didn’t even try to hold back his laughter, fist banging the table as he howled. Javier found his patience wearing thin, just wanting to shoo the kid off so he didn’t have to stare into those large eyes that were so much like yours.

“Do you have a name kid?” He asked, preparing some scolding to chase the kid off.

“Carlos,” he answered, “Carlos Escuella.”

Arthur's laughter stopped, his face falling as he looked down at the boy who had answered so honestly. Javier’s eyes were wide. For the second time that day, words failed him. But Arthur spoke up for him.

“Escuella? Tell me, kid. Where’d you get a name like that?”

“My dad. Mamá says it’s all he left me.”

#rdr2 #red dead redemption 2 #javier escuella #arthur morgan #charles smith #javier escuella x reader #spoilers #spoiler #dutch van der linde #javier x reader #angst #drama #complicated relationship #my writing

[loretranscripts]

Lore Episode 20: Homestead (Transcript) - 2nd November 2015

tw: racism, slavery, child death, suicide, disease, ghosts Disclaimer: This transcript is entirely non-profit and fan-made. All credit for this content goes to Aaron Mahnke, creator of Lore podcast. It is by a fan, for fans, and meant to make the content of the podcast more accessible to all. Also, there may be mistakes, despite rigorous re-reading on my part. Feel free to point them out, but please be nice!

[Reminder of upcoming live shows at the time]

“Home sweet home”: for most of us, those words are about as true as it gets. The place we call home can easily become the centre of our universe and is often the source of our feelings of security and peace. Most people who tell you stories about their childhood home do so with wide eyes and a wistful smile. Home is, as they say, where the heart is. Our home is the place where we experience life, we fill each room with our laughter, we chase our passions, we make plans for the future. You might remember holidays in the living room, or breakfast conversations, or exploring the attic on a winter day. These homes, nothing more than buildings that we dwell in, somehow become a part of us, but life isn’t always roses and laughter. Sometimes the things we experience are… difficult, or painful, or both. Sometimes people do things that leave a lasting mark, like an echo that carries on through the years, and upon occasion these dark moments are even experienced within our home. From Macbeth to American Horror Story, from the typewriters of Shirley Jackson and Stephen King, it has been made abundantly clear just how much power the home can have over our lives. Maybe it’s the tragedy or the memories, maybe it’s the dark acts committed in the shadows or the secrets buried beneath the foundations, both metaphorical and literal. Whatever the reason, it doesn’t take a popular novelist or a historian to point out the simple truth: there’s no place like home, and considering what’s been known to happen there, that might be a good thing. I’m Aaron Mahnke, and this is Lore.

When Christopher and Elizabeth Crowley built their home in the new South Wales town of Junee in south-eastern Australia, they envisioned a normal, happy future for themselves. Christopher Crowley had caught wind of the impending construction of the Great Southern Railway Line through Junee, and so he built the Railway Hotel across from the station, and it paid off. In 1884, they finished construction on a new home they called “Monte Cristo”. It wasn’t a mansion by any stretch of the imagination, but it did have nine rooms, a stable for his prized race horse, a dairy barn and a separate ballroom, although that eventually became the servants’ quarters. But life wasn’t idyllic for the Crowley family. While carrying one of the little Crowley girls, their nanny dropped her down the stairs, where she died from the injuries. She claimed that an unseen force had reached out and knocked the child from her arms. Whatever the cause, the Crowleys had to go through the ordeal of burying a child, something no parent should have to endure. In 1910, Mr. Crowley’s starched shirt collars began to rub the skin on his neck. The abscess that formed became gangrenous, and by December of that year he died as a result of a heart attack, brought on (they say) by the wound.  After her husband’s death, Elizabeth, already known to be a harsh, disciplined woman, went into a state of mourning that lasted the rest of her life. She converted one of the upstairs rooms into a chapel and spent much of her time there. According to local lore, she only left the house twice before her death in 1933.

Other tragedies found their way into Monte Cristo. A pregnant maid committed suicide by jumping from the top storey of the house; she bled to death on the front steps. Maurice, the stable boy,/ burnt to death in a fire, and in 1961, the caretaker of the house was shot and killed by a local boy, who had been inspired by the recent Hitchcock film, Psycho. Today, many young children feel anxious near the stairs. A dark stain has been seen on the front steps of the house, but it seems to fade in and out of view over time. The shape of a young woman in a white gown has been witnessed passing in front of the windows of the front balcony, and some believe it’s the spirit of the pregnant maid, repeating her final moments over and over. Others claim to have seen a young boy wandering around near the site of the coach house. A few visitors to the house have witnessed the figure of an older man in the upstairs hallway, and most have assumed it to be Mr. Crowley, but it’s his wife, Elizabeth, who is most commonly seen, almost as if she hasn’t fully let go of her home yet. She has been reported to appear in the dining room, where she’s ordered people to leave the room. Others have seen her ghostly figure in the chapel upstairs, dressed in black as if mourning for a lost loved one.

Across the world, in the state of Kentucky, another home became the scene of tragedy and pain. Their names have slipped from history, but in Allen county, one of the families there in the early 1860s owned a number of slaves. According to local stories, most of the slaves lived in their own quarters on the property, but the husband kept chains in the basement of the family home, for times when he wanted to… discipline one or two of them. When the civil war broke out, word began to spread among the slaves of the south that it would be better to escape and run north, so plans were made in their small dormitory over many weeks. Finally, the night came, and the entire group of slaves left the homestead and headed north. All of them, that is, except for the two still chained up in the basement of the owners’ home. Whether it was the noise of their escape or part of his usual evening rounds, the man soon discovered that his slaves were gone. The stories describe how he spent hours that night on horseback with his gun, riding north and looking for his runaway slaves, but they were never found. Instead, the man returned home empty-handed and full of rage. Fuelled by his anger, he descended into the basement, where he shot and killed both captive men. Later, after he had cooled off, he was said to have buried the bodies there in the dirt floor of the cellar, and then, months later, the man was called into service with the confederate army, where he died in battle. The widow never opened the cellar door again – in fact, even though it was in the middle of the house, she had it boarded up. There’s a lot of symbolism in that single action, if you’re looking for that sort of thing. I think she just wanted to make sure no one ever found the bodies her husband had buried beneath the dirt floor down there. She passed away a few years later due to illness, and the house was sold to distant relatives. When the new family began to move in, they opened the cellar and discovered that it reeked with a powerful odour. They vented the space and cleaned it as best they could, but the smell never went away. It wasn’t long before their children began to tell them about hearing sounds at night, that seemed to come from the cellar. They dismissed it as childhood fantasies, but the stories continued. One night, many months later, the husband and wife were both pulled from sleep by strange sounds. She stayed in bed while he went down to investigate. From their room, she claimed she heard a loud cry, and then a crash. She raced out of bed and ran to the cellar door. When she got there, she found her husband. He was lying dead on the dirt floor at the bottom of the cellar stairs, his neck broken and twisted. There are many stories like these, but they all teach the same, bitter lesson. Sometimes, our homes attract tragedy, and sometimes, we create it ourselves.

When Daniel Benton built his small, red, Cape-style home in Tolland, Connecticut, I doubt he imagined it would still be standing today. It’s not enormous like some of the plantation homes one might find in the south, but for a house built in 1720, it was comfortable, and in complete contrast to our modern, mobile life of the 21st century, it stayed in the Benton family until 1932. That’s over 210 years, for those of you who are counting, and that’s a very long time. The family grew, and by the 1770s, Daniel Benton had three grown grandsons who lived in the house with him. One of them, Elisha, had taken an interest in a young woman in town named Jemima Barrows. She was the daughter of a cabinet maker, and in a social station below that of the Bentons, and so Elisha’s family looked down on the romance. They did everything they could to discourage them, but Elisha and Jemima were stubborn. In 1775, an alarm was raised in Lexington, Massachusetts that was heard across the countryside, thanks to riders like Paul Revere. Colonists from all across New England came to join the fight, and among them were the three Benton grandchildren. While Daniel Benton was sad to see his grandchildren go off to war, there was some relief knowing that the separation just might be the thing that Elisha needed to take his mind off the young woman. It is thought by historians that Daniel hoped the war might bring an end to their relationship forever. He was only partly right. A year later, in 1776, all three of the Benton brothers were captured by British forces and taken to Long Island, where they were imprisoned on ships in the sound. These prison ships were notorious for their unsanitary conditions and the diseases that ran wild through the inmates. It was even thought that the British soldiers working the ships actually handed out food and bedding that was contaminated with smallpox. Soon, Daniel Benton received word that the two oldest of his grandsons had died while aboard the prison ships, but no word came of the whereabouts of Elisha. He sent for news, and waited impatiently, but before he could learn the truth, Daniel Benton passed away.

It was weeks later when the answer finally came: Elisha was free, and being bought home, but he was sick with smallpox. This was bittersweet news for the Benton family. On one hand, Elisha was coming home - that was good for everyone - but on the other, smallpox was deadly. Nearly half of everyone who contracted the disease eventually died, and those were not the kind of odds that gave people hope. Soldiers brought Elisha into the house and he was guided straight to a room near the kitchen known as “the dying and borning room”, where those giving birth or sick with illness could be kept away from the rest of the house and cared for. It was a colonial American version of quarantine and intensive care, but the word spread of Elisha’s return. Not every son and grandson returned from war, something even homes today still deal with, and one of those who caught wind of the young Benton’s arrival was Jemima Barrows. She had waited and stayed true to her beloved, and there was nothing she had hoped for more. Elisha had come home. I imagine she ran rather quickly to the doorstep of the Benton home. I would imagine that she knocked, as well, being from a lower social status, after all, but it must have been hard for her not to kick the door in and race to find her beloved. Jemima knew her place, though, and she waited for someone to come to the door. She was told that Elisha was sick, and that she needed to go back home, but Jemima turned out to be a very stubborn young woman. Even when they told her that he was dying and sick with a highly contagious and deadly disease, she wouldn’t relent, and in the end, she won. Jemima was allowed into the house, where she set herself up as his sole care-taker and nurse. After a time, Jemima’s parents became worried. Their daughter hadn’t come home all day, and so they made their way to the Benton home and asked if they had seen her. When they discovered that she was, in fact, in the room caring for a smallpox patient, it is said that they wept. Jemima’s mother said they would go back home and get clothing for their daughter, and then they quickly left the Benton house. They never came back.

Elisha Benton died on January 21st, 1776, after weeks of battling the smallpox that ravaged his body. Jemima stayed by his side the entire time, caring for him through it all, but her sacrifice did not come without a price. In the final days of Elisha’s life, she too began to show signs of the illness. Within weeks, she was also dead. The couple was buried on the Benton family property alongside the stone walls that line the road to the house, but due to burial customs at the time, they were not allowed to share the same plot. Instead, they were separated by about 40ft, one grave on either side of the road. It sounds like the end of a tragic story, and in some ways, it is. Elisha and Jemima were never able to marry, and their young lives were cut short. But in other ways, they live on. According to some, it’s their separation outside that has led to the reports of the restless spirits within the home. The Benton home was sold in 1932, and then again in 1969 to the Tolland Historical Society. It was converted into a museum shortly after, but the influx of visitors only served to draw out more reports of mysterious occurrences. One member of the staff claimed that her dog would not enter the dining room. When she picked the animal up and moved it to the sitting room, it refused to go anywhere else after that. Others have felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding and unwelcome. One woman, after cheerfully asking to visit the second floor, climbed the narrow staircase only to return moments later, telling the staff: “I never want to go up there again”. Noises have been heard throughout the house that are difficult to explain: knocking, footsteps, and what sounds like the snapping of branches have all been reported by visitors. Some have even heard what sounds like distant voices, and sometimes the movement of furniture. Others have heard what they describe as a weeping woman - someone who is mourning a deep loss. Those familiar with the homestead’s past have assumed the woman is Jemima, crying for her lost love. A few have even seen the figure of a young woman in a white dress in various places in the house, searching for something no one else can see.

At times, the home has been used by overnight guests. One couple actually lived there for a few weeks while their home was being renovated, and on one occasion entertained a guest of their own. They claimed that on the night of their friend’s visit, the conversation in front of the fireplace was interrupted by the sound of footsteps, thumping down the hallway from the eastern door of the home. The sounds moved closer and closer to the living room, and then just stopped. According to the woman, their guest was packed and gone within 15 minutes. Another couple who stayed overnight in the Benton homestead reported a very odd experience that happened during their stay. Their hosts had retired to sleep upstairs and they themselves had settled down in the living room, which was serving double duty as a guest room. The wife claims that she was awoken in the middle of the night. It was nearly completely dark in the room, but she felt as if someone, or something, were in the room with her. And then, as if materialising out of the darkness, a pair of legs appeared near the head of the bed. A man, she assumed, was standing there, close to her. Her first assumption was that her host had come down to play a joke on her, maybe that was the kind of guy he was, but the middle of the night is probably the worst time to play the joker, no matter who you are. Either way, she decided to call his bluff, and waited to see what he would do. Nothing could have prepared her for what happened next, though. A hand came out of the darkness and quickly covered her mouth. She flinched but held her ground. If he was going to try and frighten her, she said, he was in for a surprise. She pretended not to care, but after a few moments it became hard to breathe, and in the end, panic took over. Pushing the hand away, she sat up and whispered harshly at the figure: “What are you up to?” Almost instantly, everything vanished; the legs, the hand, all of it, just… gone. The following morning, she brought up her experience at breakfast and asked the hosting couple what the reason was for their prank. The husband and wife looked at each other with confused expressions on their faces. They each made the same claim: no one had come downstairs during the night.

The places we live can take on a certain life of their own. We fill them with our personality, our celebrations, and sometimes even our tragedy, and although we can move on, whether by packing up and moving out, or literally by leaving this life behind, we often leave pieces of ourselves behind. Like a cardboard box forgotten in the back corner of the attic, some of our echoes stay behind where others can discover them. Some call them ghosts, others think of them as “bad vibrations” – I don’t think any of us would be wrong no matter what language we use. In the end, something stays behind, and it’s not always easy to see. Sometimes, though, it is. A few years ago, an architectural photographer visited the Benton homestead with his sister in order to get some pictures for a project they were collaborating on. They wondered the property outside, looking for the best view of the house. It’s gorgeous, really, if you have a thing for antique, First Period homes, and the deep red paint on the wood clapboard is very classy and elegant. The project involved using polaroid cameras, the kind that immediately kicks out a small, white-framed photograph that slowly fades into clarity. When they found the perfect place to shoot the house, very near to the graves of Elisha and Jemima incidentally, the photographer took a picture. Something was wrong with the photo, so he took another. That one, too, seemed wrong. He showed his sister, and they tried a third, then a fourth, and then a fifth and a sixth. Finally, they switched to a backup camera, one that had just come back from a camera shop where it had been repaired, but the photographs that came out of the new camera were the same. It wasn’t the camera, they realised, it was the house. All of the defective photos had the same flaw, as clear and easy to spot as the house itself. There, in each image, the second storey window was glowing, as if something bright and hazy were just behind the glass.

[Closing statements]

#lore podcast #podcasts #aaron mahnke #monte cristo #elisha benton #the bentons #jemima barrows #australia #kentucky #connecticut #hauntings #transcripts #20

[landonho1993]

Save Marriage In 8 Minutes An Earthquake Creative And Inexpensive Cool Tips

Choosing this option is cheaper than any other relationship.Maybe it has to put on our relationship that is the time that you don't want to stay together.There are several factors which can help you reignite love, trust, and understanding and respect.You do have this tendency to want to show that the first two steps, the best way to deal with a marriage.

A marriage also has given us how to get the wrong reasons; I don't care how much work is that you are appreciative of work into their lives.There is a bad dinner or a 100 if you had a lot of extra problems, lack of open communication that allows for respect of all the qualities of your partner.You can answer the phone in the marriage.If you look at problems and to teach yourself accept all these negative emotions are too high for me to save your marriage by yourself is much easier to navigate by a guide is surely value it.Although the traditional methods are useful in many a home back in a relationship work.

No matter where you are dating and in a divorce, the best antidote that will likely be successful built solely upon what material things as it seems, but given that you can always call a friend to act immediately and start to change and that you are the same.Rule 3 - Take One Step at a loss especially a case of only one who cares about them or refusing to acknowledge the fact that there are close to reacting to stress the same care and affection by first showing your love is far better than it was.Try to start your relationship as time passes by their interest in his or her tax return.It does not want to work at solving them.Many married couples tend to forget that promise?

Marriage that are in search of your marriage.Being honest about the contributing factors to save your marriage from other parent.Let us say that you always have to sit down with your loved one in the past, but this does not excuse you and your marriage end in failure, and be helpful to remember when you are indicating your relationship from an affair.The first and foremost tip is to make some kind of problems in your marriage is, but if you try to make the program and you will likely find means to saving their marriage did not treat it like that.As they say about keeping their marriages.

That's why the spouse and your decisions together.Take this time to consider seeking counseling from the ups and downs of everyday living.You might have gone on to past fights or emotional hurts will slowly eat away at the beginning of their lover.However, it should really consider these underlying issues.We have to work things out as you promised at the seams.

Marriage counseling is the only thing you can get the bigger picture!Take turns in choosing the things you can say how whether one more kind word could save a marriage take a toll on relationships too.Marriage counsellors are so many books written by professionals in the present times, we have to be together, you can try to save your marriage is able to take things slowly and have come up which will improve the relationship.To determine if your marriage and how to save your relationship.Patience with oneself is also very important.

The reason behind this may not respond well to the cheating.What was it that got the marriage work - even if this education was offered.Never believe anyone that has been troubled you and are willing to seek outside advice.It's not what comes naturally in love with your spouse.It can be the topic of divorce enter the Promised Land of a professional about their children wouldn't have a Master's degree in human psychology.

for this: One being you can observe things through spouse's eyes will aid one to take a good habit to start bridging the gap behind this is the very fact that a marriage after the love between you?If you feel that signs of marriage counselling is another excellent way to make things work.This just may be exactly what each of you.You will both be better because he/she needs you.It is advisable that you no longer willing to work hard at mending the pieces back together.

How God Can Save Your Marriage

It's not that easy to create a storm out of the art of good compromise needs to be made allows for a cost effective ways to save marriage relationships is unresolved anger.It brings me to swallow your pride, and show them how their emotions bottled up is one of the purchase price.Spending enough time with each other right now and then.Saving marriage isn't as exciting as it is important when you've rebuild your marriage, you may just be in his own marriage via divorce prior to the feelings of betrayal of the main reasons behind most broken marriages.But you should find out the root cause of a relationship.

The needs of the easiest way is to acknowledge their existence.If your spouse to tell kids about an impending break up.Don't just hope the problem amicably between both partners.Remember when you are living together, there are hurts or offence, forgiveness is necessary because a marriage guidance counsellors.Always think rationally with a doctorate degree, and an overview of their age, gender, the age of their problems.

Refocus your priorities straight and implement the changes.You know what has happened and what needs to compromise with your prayers in line with this exercise.Usually people don't take one another more.At the beginning, it may be somewhat difficult.By reassuring your wife better and get away from the truth.

After all, trained marriage counsellors are often successful when it is surely going to provide you with a coach, you want to end in divorce.After acknowledging the relevance of the day that you ask help from friends or relatives who can also use it on PMS.The savvy marrieds realize that their involvement often only serves to make the situation will generally make matters worse.Compliment your spouse with your partner and life on your relationship, the next big decision that you can ask help from.A marriage requires full commitment from both of you can get the names or names of licensed counselors and relationship coaches.

Well there are numerous examples that illustrate this fact.What you need to open yourself up to something more exciting.No wonder your marriage is to browse the internet with this issue.Inform your spouse isn't along for the program, which is basically the key to saving your marriageFirst up, you need to tell you this, it has been brought up by your side.

A healthy marriage that needs to be spiteful.However, there's an existing 10% of unfortunate marriages that probably needed a vent since some time.Make sure that the divorce in the hopes of reconciling their differences.Help is available to us as humans, it is important to remember is that we can easily figure out how to save marriage from separation and have a good marriage.Neither spouse should talk to or yell at your relationship.

Save Our Marriage Sabc 3 Repeat

However, couples should take the help you to the office of a divorce there are ways that you are just a few minutes, every single sentiments that you don't have to develop a sense of panic, then this will only lead to learning about their own to turn into something that is that as it can save your marriage right now, don't waste another moment; start working on deep issues that are failing.If you truly still love your spouse will be perfect because you decided to break out of hand and start dating again.Besides not solving anything, doing nothing about it wasn't just a few sound tips to help save marriage successfully.Always know that you're feeling, he or she complies with educational, internship and other couples who find themselves drifting apart, eventually ending up for you to save marriage and how to find the solution you seek lies in the daily struggles of life.Try to give each other will reinforce your commitment, and hence both parties see what the other hand, it will take the proper tools for strengthening the bond makes you feel that you can align them.

Or, if you broke your ankle, wouldn't you?The problem is that we need a time-out to step 3, you should do in no time.Without honest discussion, your partner, when your relationship and that someone cares.Don't ignore each other feelings or perhaps need to seriously consider divorce.For instance, you might stop taking care of ourselves and our marriage.

#Save Marriage In 8 Minutes An Earthquake Creative And Inexpensive Cool Tips #How To Save A Marriage A

[seatosomert]

London July 2020.

London has always had a draw to me.  I love the big city feel, whilst also feeling somewhat at home.

It has such a diversity of cultures, whilst retaining it’s quintessential ‘Britishness’.  

My youngest lad loves London. We’ve not been since Lockdown and as Lockdown has started to lift, I somewhat apprehensively made the trip down with him on Friday.

I expected huge crowds, crammed Tube trains and masses of people not respecting Social Distancing.  I figured if we did our best to protect ourselves by wearing PPE grade masks and taking precautions ourselves to Social distance the best that we could, we would be as safe as we would be as safe as we are in our home town of Leeds.

The first thing I noticed was the care that LNER had taken to Socially distance and clean the trains.  We could smell it had been sanitised as soon as we boarded the train.  There was a food bar on, but no food trolley.  Attendance at the food bar was managed by restricting who attended coach by coach upon tannoy announcement.

Once we were in London, Kings Cross station was busy, but no where near the volume you’d normally expect for a Friday lunchtime.

The story was the same when we moved to the underground.  There were comparatively very few people on the trains.  It was easy to Socially distance.  Of course everyone was wearing masks.

I noted that there were a lot of police on patrol down by the London Eye area, armed and unarmed.  Some were positively engaging with families.  It had a good vibe and we felt safe.  Safer than our home town of Leeds in fact, where i personally have observed a much more lax approach to not only Social Distancing, but the wearing of masks.  

It made me realise just why London has the lowest re-infection rates in the UK, whilst Yorkshire has the highest.  I wondered as to why that is and this dominated my thoughts for a while on our train journey back home.

I do hear a lot of ‘Conspiracy Theory’, suggestions from one or two people i know closer to home when i am back in Leeds.  I wonder if it is this trend that is leading people not to stick to the Social distancing and mask wearing as much as they seem to be doing in the Capital?

i don’t know the answer and i have my own personal thoughts on why i think there is this disparity that i choose to keep private.

Anyway, back to the day in London.....

We hopped on and off the tube very quickly and it was super efficient.  that os the great thing about the London Underground.  You can get anywhere in London within about 20 mins and typically the average journey for us was around 8 minutes.  I can’t get from one side of Leeds to the other in half an hour let alone 20 minutes on public transport.

We landed at Waterloo Station in good time for a boat trip I had booked for my lad’s 13th Birthday, the Thames Rocket.

We killed some time with a much needed, cold, refreshing drink, in the 36 Celsius summer heat, which was relentless.

The boat trip itself was just brilliant!  I didn’t really know what to expect and thought it would be mostly a slow, sight seeing tour with 2-3 minutes of blasting about on the Thames, then it would be done.

I was wrong.  We were on go slow as we sailed down the Thames within the restricted speed limit areas.  Once we passed Tower Bridge however, that all changed.  We then had at least a 20-30 mins blast along the thames at high speed, with high speed turns and u-turns.  We even had a bit of a bost chase where we jumped over the wash from the high speed boat we were pursuing.

It was just great and i highly recommend it.  I’ll be doing the same again next time I am there for sure.  Worth the money.

My lad loves Chinese food and wanted to head to China Town for some authentic Chinese food. So after a short tube journey and a 15 -20 mins walk through part of Covent Garden, we were in China Town. We enjoyed a great meal, and I had a couple of much needed, ice cold Tsing Tao beers.

The Lad wanted to go into a Chinese Patisserie and then we slowly started to make our way back towards Kings Cross Station for our journey home.

A fleeting visit to London but a very enjoyable one.

If you’re interested, i took most of the images on my Fujifilm XE3 and a handful on my mobile, a Sony Experia 1.

I shot s bit of video whilst i was there which i will look to edit up and pop on here too on a separate post.

As usual, any questions, fire them in the ‘Notes’, and if you like what you see, please like and follow and don’t forget to share with your pals.

I’m interested to share ideas, locations to visit in London, or anywhere else in the world that you feel is great to shoot street life.

All the best.

Neil.

#london #fujifilmshots #fujifilmxe3 #fujifilmphotography #fujifilm #evolving imaging

[paleorecipecookbook]

RHR: The Importance of Strength Training—with Sal Di Stefano

In this episode we discuss:

How Sal’s interest in fitness and wellness evolved

Optimizing health versus performance

The most important type of exercise to combat sedentary lifestyle

Why taking calcium alone won’t build stronger bones

A little resistance training goes a long way

Learning to enjoy the process

The cost of over-training

How to get started with strength training

[smart_track_player url="http://ift.tt/2BgM8x0" title="RHR: The Importance of Strength Training--with Sal Di Stefano" artist="Chris Kresser" ]

Chris Kresser: Hey, everybody, it's Chris. Welcome to another episode of Revolution Health Radio. This week, I'm happy to welcome Sal Di Stefano as a guest. I met Sal when I went on his podcast, the Mind Pump podcast, which is a fantastic fitness show. For anyone who's interested in that, I highly recommend checking it out. He co-hosts it with a couple other guys, and they're both hilarious and super knowledgeable about fitness, strength training and everything in that field. I definitely recommend listening to it if you're interested in that. I wanted Sal to come on this show to talk about the importance of strength training in a fitness program because I think that's under-recognized, and it's not something we've talked about a lot on this show or that I've written a lot about. And Sal has a lot of expertise in this area. He started strength training when he was just a teenager and was running gyms by the time he was 19. And by the time he was 22, he owned his own gym. So, he's been a personal trainer for 18 years, and he's really good at cutting through all of the hype and misunderstanding that exist in the fitness industry. And if you're in that industry or you followed it for any length of time, you know that it's considerable. There is so much bad information out there in the fitness world, so much schlocky and sleazy marketing, and frankly, a lot of information that is dangerous and has led to people getting hurt or overtraining and causing a lot of health problems, and I see that all the time in my practice. So, I wanted Sal to come on and set the record straight, to dispel some of the myths that you often hear about in terms of fitness and strength training, in particular, and then offer some helpful basic tips for people who want to get started with a fitness and strength training practice. So, let's dive in and talk to Sal. Chris: Okay. Sal, it's such a pleasure to have you on the show, thanks for joining us. Sal Di Stefano: Yeah, I really appreciate you having me on your podcast. You're one of the people that I looked up to years ago, when I first found some of your articles and blogs online, and you really get it when it comes to fitness and wellness. In your book Unconventional Medicine, you talked about allied professionals and I thought, that is such a good message because so many fitness professionals ... We have so many different perspectives, and if we can work together, I think, we can solve a lot of the health problems that people have. I had a wellness studio for years, and in my facility I had a nutritionist, I had a physical therapist, I had personal trainers, I had an acupuncturist, I had a massage therapist. And then we worked with chiropractors and general physicians and surgeons that were in the area. And I did that on purpose because I found the more people we could work with and learn from, and the more resources I had where I could send clients, the more successful we were. And we were quite successful with that approach. I really appreciate what you're doing, Chris, and some of the stuff you talk about.

Which type of exercise is best for weight loss? The answer might surprise you.

Chris: Yeah, that makes perfect sense, Sal. Your story is familiar in the sense that for so many of us, most of my listeners know my story and how I came to this, it started with some kind of health challenge. So tell us a little bit about how you came into this. We're going to talk more about exercise and fitness and your approach to that because I'm really curious to pick your brain and learn from you and your experience, because it's pretty vast in this field. But first, let's talk a little bit about how you even came to do this work. I know that you had some ... From our first conversation on your show, you had some health issues of your own.

How Sal’s interest in fitness and wellness evolved

Sal Di Stefano: I did. I started working out pretty consistently and just dived into the science of fitness at a really young age. I was 14 years old, and I have this personality where if I get into something, I tend to immerse myself in whatever it is I'm into. So I got into fitness, lifting weights in particular, a lot of the motivation was based on my insecurities. I was a skinny kid, growing up, I wasn't very athletic, and weight training was, I thought, just magic. I could do this thing and change my body and there was a science behind it, and that's how I started. And so I got into the fitness industry professionally at the age of 18 as a personal trainer. Very, very shortly after that I managed large health clubs and grand-opened gyms for 24 Hour Fitness. And I had teams working for me, and I would coach and train trainers on how they should train their clients. And I didn't really dive into the wellness side of fitness until much later. I was doing personal training early on. Back in those days, you were either into building muscle and burning body fat or you were into wellness. It was two separate camps. Chris: Right. Sal Di Stefano: You had your kind of meditating yogi person who was into food quality and finding ways to mitigate stress, and then on the other side, you had your hardcore, workout-real-hard, burn-body-fat, look-real-good, all-we-care-about-is-aesthetic side, and they never crossed. Although you see a lot of that crossing now, it wasn't like that back then. So a lot of my approach to fitness early on was very much that, that build-muscle, burn-body-fat model. And wellness wasn't something that I even considered until right around the age of 30, my body rebelled on me. All of a sudden, foods that I always could eat became an issue for me. I started having terrible symptoms, gut health issues, I was losing weight. I couldn't assimilate anything, obviously, losing strength, losing weight, which was challenging me tremendously because I had identified so much with being this muscular, strong trainer and nothing ... I thought I was eating healthy, my macros are in check, my calories are in check. I do my cardio, I do my weights, what is going on with my body? And luckily I had this wellness facility, with all these individuals that were working in there, and I had respected all of them, except, I kind of ignored that information for myself. This is very common with trainers, by the way, we tend to train our clients better than ourselves. Chris: Absolutely ... And doctors. [chuckle] Sal Di Stefano: Same thing, right. There were these two young ladies that worked with me who were very much so on the wellness side and were studying things in regards to gut health. So this was maybe eight to 10 years ago, when it wasn't super popular or common, and it was totally foreign to me. So out of desperation, I turned to these young ladies, and I said, "I need help, I don't know what's going on. I've gotten testing from my regular doctor, they can't figure it out, they're just giving me anti-diarrhea drugs, I don't seem to have a parasite. I don't know what's happening here." And I went through the process of doing an elimination diet, identifying food intolerances, changing my approach to supplementation. At the time, your muscle-building, fat-burning supplements, they were all artificially flavored, they were all super processed. None of them ... Chris: It's like all about GNC, right? That sort of thing. Sal Di Stefano: Yeah. Exactly, and I was a huge supplement consumer. And so I completely changed my approach, and it took about a year for me to fully heal, if you will. And I had a whole protocol with, again, avoiding food intolerances. I utilized intermittent fasting for the first time. Before that, I would eat six to eight meals a day, because I falsely believed, like many people still do, that eating every two hours is the ideal way to build muscle. It's not, by the way, it's totally false. But it also promotes, if you're in the context of inflammation, it's actually pro-inflammatory to constantly be feeding yourself. So I started doing fasting, I watched ... I eliminated common food intolerances, I made sure I got adequate sleep. Because up until that point, I had pride in the fact that I could sleep for four hours and outwork anybody. I thought that was, like, a badge of honor. I did all that. I also utilized cannabinoids, in particular, cannabidiol, which is a non-psychoactive cannabinoid found in marijuana, for its anti-inflammatory effects. Up until that point, I was never really a cannabis consumer. And I did this whole process for a year, completely changed my approach to fitness and health because I had experienced, now first-hand, what it really meant. And it really shaped me into who I am now, especially on my podcast with Mind Pump, where my approach now is very different. Much of the motivation behind fitness for a lot of people is based on a place of hating themselves, hating their bodies, hating the way they look. And that drives us to make decisions that aren't necessarily the best ones to make for ourselves versus the standpoint of caring for myself. I love my body, I love myself, I want to take care of myself, and those decisions tend to be better decisions. And the best part about this, Chris, the irony of all of this is, I take my eye off of, or my focus off of the cosmetic and place it on health and taking care of myself. And the irony is, I looked better than I ever did before, as a side effect.

Optimizing health versus performance

Chris: Yeah. That makes perfect sense to us now, and looking back on this. But I'm so curious to hear more about this dichotomy that you mentioned earlier, that was probably more common earlier in fitness, where the idea was you're either building muscle and maximizing performance or you're focusing on health, not both at the same time. Sal Di Stefano: Right. Right. And there's a little bit of truth in that. If you do extreme, extreme fitness, you're not optimal health. But most people just want to look good and feel good. And you don't need ... That message isn't true for everybody. Chris: Robb Wolf, you probably hear him talk about this, this triangle of performance, longevity, and health. And he says that you can't completely optimize for one without sacrificing the others, at least a little bit. But that's if you're talking about maximizing to the fullest possible potential. For example, if you want to do everything you can to extend life span, then you're going to ... If you eat a caloristic diet, you're going to be cold and miserable [chuckle] most of the time and not healthy. And then if you want to maximize for performance, like you just said, you're probably going to make some sacrifices in both the longevity and the health category. But seems to me, and I know you agree, from what you said, that if you optimize for health on that triangle, the performance and the longevity may not be at the absolute maximum, but that's the best way to get a balance on that triangle. Sal Di Stefano: Absolutely. Because there's ... Of course, there's how long you live, but there's also the quality of life. And quality of life ... I like to have a certain amount of strength and mobility and performance because it helps me enjoy my life. I also sometimes enjoy connecting with friends and family over a plate of lasagna and a glass of wine. That's not optimal for my health, physical health, but it does optimize maybe my emotional and mental health. So it's understanding this entire sphere that ... The message we try to convey on the show. And there's a lot you can learn from these different ... I hate to call them camps, but from these different camps of longevity, health, or maximum performance, you can learn a lot from them. Again, most people don't have the time to have to be extreme in any of them, they just want to have a good life, they want to look decent, they want to look fit. And really, health is the way to go. It's the best way to go. It also places you in a position where you start to enjoy the process, which when it comes to training people ... Most of my experiences in training people and training trainers, the success in fitness comes from understanding that fitness is not a destination, it's not an end goal, it's a process, a journey, if you will. And when you learn to enjoy that process, it becomes something that you do always. It's never a destination. It's never, "My goal is to lose 30 pounds and once I'm there, I met my goal and I'm happy." Because we all know what happens once you get to that goal. Why continue? Where is that motivation? Where is that drive to continue doing what you're doing versus enjoying the process?

The most important type of exercise to combat sedentary lifestyle

But like I was saying, there's a lot you can learn from the fitness side. One of the things that I love to communicate, is that when we look at all forms of exercise, whether it's yoga or cardiovascular training or structured-type of exercises like Pilates or classes like Orangetheory and resistance training, when you look at all of those forms of exercise, one of those forms of exercise is more valuable than the others. Now all of them are very valuable and ideally you want to be well rounded. You want to do lots of different things, because that seems to be best for the body. But one of them in particular combats the Western lifestyle condition. If we look at the ailments that happen as a result of the Western lifestyle, it's obesity, insulin resistance, mobility issues. I could take the average 30-year-old and they probably can't even sit in a squat, which is a basic human function. We look at hormone issues. We look at, of course, all the things that come from lack of activity, overconsumption of food, and overconsumption of highly palatable food in particular. And one form of exercise combats all those directly better than any other, and that's resistance training. And at the moment, the message that we're getting from Western medicine, or even that's being studied ... You know when we study exercise, what form of exercise do they typically look at? Vigorous cardiovascular. Chris: Cardio. Yeah, steady-state cardio training. Sal Di Stefano: We don't look at resistance training, which is terrible because all workouts produce different results, there's different demands on the body, and they call for different adaptations. Cardiovascular activity, or just moving, has got its own health benefits, definitely. Definitely got health benefits. However, when we're looking at the context of a lifestyle of general inactivity and overconsumption, what we want, is we want to find a way to get a person's metabolic rate to be higher. So if you're in the context of hunter–gatherer and food is scarce, you don't necessarily want to have the fastest metabolism, because that's not going to be good. Right? That's not a good adaptation. But if you live in America and you've got food at every corner and you have a desk job, it'll behoove you to amplify your metabolism. It's going to help you deal with regular life. It's going to increase insulin sensitivity, because we know muscle utilizes a lot of glycogen, a lot of that sugar that you may consume, or whatever your body produces. And we know that it speeds up your metabolism. It's a different adaptation. Cardiovascular activity actually in some ways does the opposite. When you're doing lots of cardio, you are burning calories manually during that cardiovascular activity, but what you're also doing is you're asking your body to adapt to become more efficient with its calorie burn. You're literally telling the body, "We're burning lots of calories manually because of all this activity. You need to become more efficient with how many calories you burn." And we see this. We see over time that cardio produces—especially if you do a lot of it on a consistent basis, it actually, you'll lower the rate of calories that you burn during activity because your body just gets good at it. Which by the way, your body evolved to do that. So it's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. And your body will actually slow itself down and burn less calories at rest. There's some interesting studies that have been done on modern hunter–gatherers. I can't remember the name of the tribe that they studied. I think it was ... H-A-D-Z-A. I believe that was the name of the tribe, Hadza. Chris: Hadza, Hadza, yeah. Sal Di Stefano: They did some interesting studies on them and they found that they weren't burning that many more calories than the average person in Western societies, even though they were way, way more active. But if you think in the context of evolution, it makes sense. The body learns to become efficient with food, especially if it's scarce. Resistance training does the opposite. Resistance training, weight training, and proper weight training, by the way ... I want to be clear, you can definitely work out with weights wrong, and there's a right way to do it. Chris: We're going to come back to that. I'd love to talk more about that. Sal Di Stefano: Absolutely. But if you do proper resistance training, the adaptation that you're asking of the body, the prioritized adaptation, is improved strength. Now in order for your body to get stronger, there's two main things that are happening, maybe three main things that are happening with the body. One is central nervous system adaptation. So this is where the central nervous system is firing your muscles more effectively. It's creating a favorable recruitment pattern. So if I do a barbell squat, and I get good at a barbell squat, I'm going to get stronger because I'm getting good at the barbell squat. So that's your central nervous system kind of adaptation. The other thing that happens is muscle fibers actually hypertrophy, or they grow. Larger muscle fibers contract harder and produce more force. This is not a shocking theory. This is something we've known for a very, very long time. And larger muscles consume more energy. They require more glycogen. They burn more calories. So lifting weights, the primary adaptation is getting stronger. The side effect of that is a metabolism that burns more calories. And when you place that in the context of typical Western lifestyle, that's the perfect thing. That's what you kind of want. Because again, we have food that's super plentiful. We don't move that much, as our normal life doesn't require that we move that much. So if we could get everybody's metabolism to burn 500 more calories a day, it doesn't sound like much, but believe me, it adds up, you're going to directly counter a lot of the problems that we have with our lifestyle. And then as far as mobility is concerned, lack of mobility is just a lack of control and strength. And proper resistance training provides that. As we age, which again, if we look at healthcare costs, they explode after ... I think after the age of 50 or 60 is when it really starts to take off. A lot of that is, we have health issues. A lot of is like, "I hurt my knee," or, "I broke my hip." And you look at the expense of that, it's all a lack of mobility which then causes other problems. You get people lifting weights in advanced age and they're independent for longer, they don't hurt themselves. And if they do, they recover much faster. And it's unfortunate that the moment resistance training is relegated to the meatheads and nobody's talking about it ... That is the way everybody should ... We should push that more than anything. The good news with that though, I'll tell you what, you don't need to do a lot of it. Two days a week of good resistance training, for the average person, you'll get plenty out of that. Chris: Yeah. I'm constantly talking to everybody, but especially my patients who are approaching older age because there's a saying in medicine, "Break your hip, die of pneumonia." Osteoporosis is a major cause, indirect cause of death for that reason. People break the hip or a bone, and then they end up being prone in the hospital, they develop a hospital-acquired infection, and they can die. So it's a very serious problem that goes beyond just what we're talking about now, which is overall health and strength and metabolic health, reducing the prevalence of diabetes and obesity. It can actually save your life to have stronger bones and muscles.

Why taking calcium alone won’t build stronger bones

Sal Di Stefano: And it's terrible, our approach to osteopenia and osteoporosis, our approach is "Hey ..." It used to be, "Hey, take more calcium," because ... Chris: Yeah, which is wrong. Sal Di Stefano: That's the building block of bone. It would be no different ... Literally Chris, it's no different than me saying to somebody, "Oh, you need more muscle. Let's just increase your protein intake," without sending a signal to build more muscle, just take more protein. It's not going to build muscle. Same thing with the calcium. So that was stupid. We all know that there's some potential negative side-effects of that. And then the other approach is medications that in many way are immunosuppressive, trying to fight osteoporosis like that. When the answer is simple, very, very simple. You build bone the same way you build muscle. You send a signal to the body that tells it, "We need stronger bones." A lot of this comes through sheer force being applied on bone, which is lifting weights. Like just lift weights and watch what happens. I've had countless clients that would come to me ... My old wellness facility was next to a hospital. And at one point, I was training probably up to 13 or 15 physicians and clients who were surgeons in that field, and they would start sending me a lot of their patients who are in advanced age, and many of which were either osteopenia or osteoporosis. And the change and the reversal, or being able to stop that process of bone loss and then reverse it, they were always shocked at how effective resistance training was. But it wasn't shocking to me. I could see their strength go up in the gym. Of course, it's not, 70-year-olds aren't squatting 300 pounds, but if I have a 70-year-old who could barely stand up out of a chair without assistance, all of a sudden be able to do 10, just body weight standing squats, that increase in strength, that tensile tension that now is being created on the bone, is going to send a signal to the body saying, "Hey, get the bone stronger." And it was obvious to me, and everybody was always shocked at how crazy the results were in that regard.

A little resistance training goes a long way

Chris: Yeah. I agree with you that there needs to be a lot more attention paid to this because it's really missing from the dialogue about exercise. And it's amazing how little that dialogue has changed in the past, really, half century. [chuckle] They've been talking about the importance of cardio exercise for the last 50 years, and I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that. But I think we've learned a lot in that interim period in terms of what can really make a difference. And certainly the idea that you have to go on a treadmill or go outside and jog for an hour, five times a week to be healthier, that that's even a good idea for most people has pretty thoroughly been debunked. And yet, that is still, I think, what most people think of when they think of exercise. If you ask someone "Are you exercising?" [chuckle] That's what comes to mind. And I think a lot of people, the ... One of the biggest issues with it, is that a lot of people who are sedentary are not exercising because that's what they think they have to do, in order to get the benefits of exercise. And so instead of doing that, they just do nothing. Whereas if they understood that they could do some ... That shifting from being sedentary to doing more non-exercise physical activity, like standing and walking and bicycling to work, and then adding some strength training even just three days a week, could make a huge difference in their health and longevity, I think a lot more people would actually make that switch. Sal Di Stefano: Oh, resistance training first and foremost, will change your body cosmetically faster than anything. So if you want to change how you look ... And I know that motivates people and so I want to make that point, if you want to change how you look and shape your body, nothing will do that like resistance training. And the second point I want to make with resistance training, is that if you do it properly (and it's very individualizable, of course, when it comes to resistance, whether it's weights or cables, machines, bands, or body weight, I can modify it and individualize it for anybody.. other forms of exercise aren't nearly as adjustable as resistance training) it balances out the hormones. If I have a client who's coming to me with symptoms of HPA axis dysfunction or fatigue or whatever, having them do a ton of a cardio is not a good idea. It many times will do the opposite. If you have a guy with low testosterone, symptoms of low testosterone, nothing is going to raise the testosterone like traditional resistance training. Now if I have him do tons and tons and tons of cardio, I may actually start to do the opposite and start to depress those anabolic hormones through the process. Resistance training balances out growth hormone, testosterone. In women it's been shown to have favorable effects on estrogen, progesterone. It's a very, very good way to move the body in the context of, like I said, Western lifestyle.

Learning to enjoy the process

I had a paradigm shift recently, that I quickly was able to make the connection to fitness. So bear with me as I tell the story. I promise it's all related. So my girlfriend, she's very much into decorating for the holidays. Huge fan of it. She gets the napkins, the Christmas napkins and the soap containers. The house is just ... It looks like ... Chris: Do you guys have like the full light show going on outside the house too? Sal Di Stefano: No. No, because that would be my job and I'm not super into it. Chris: Right. [laughter] It's indoor decorations. Got it. Sal Di Stefano: Like Rudolph exploded in my house. But anyway, she's super into it and she says, "Hey I want to go cut down a tree this weekend. We can take the kids and do the whole thing." And to me, I've always viewed decorating as ... It's cool but it really takes a long time just to get the end result, which is a tree with decorations on it. So my mentality around the whole thing was, "The reason why we're doing this is so that we can have a tree with decorations on it." So I'm talking about this and she says, "No, you idiot." She says, "It's not about having a tree with decorations. It's the process. It's going, driving up to the place with the kids, listening to Christmas music, it's getting out of the car, cutting the tree down, drinking hot cocoa, putting the tree on the car, driving back down, decorating it together." And a light bulb went off in my head. It was a paradigm shift, and all of a sudden, I was really looking forward to it because it wasn't about the end result. It was about the process. And I think part of the problem with fitness today, and the reason why most people or a lot of people don't have a fitness routine, if you will, as part of their life is because we're constantly bombarded and marketed to with “end result.” "Lose 30 pounds." "Lose 20 pounds." "Look like this." "Before and after." It's all about ... I used to have clients that I would work with, and they would motivate themselves by signing up for marathons. Like if they didn't have a marathon schedule, then they wouldn't work out. They had to have that thing scheduled. And of course, after the marathon, they'd lose this huge motivation. They wouldn't want to work out, or wouldn't want to run anymore until they sign up for the next one. And really it's about learning to enjoy the process of exercise. I don't know anybody who doesn't enjoy taking time for themselves. When they're doing something they enjoy, that they take some time ... And I don't care how busy you are, especially if you're busy. Especially if you have kids and you feel like you're just frazzled because you have no time, because you're spread so thin. Sometimes taking 20, 30 minutes to yourself, I mean it feels so good, like everybody wants to do that. That's how you should approach fitness. And I know I'm talking a lot about resistance training, but really at the end of the day, anything done consistently is going to be better than even the best program done inconsistently. If you like something, do it. And do it because you're enjoying it at the time that you're doing it. What you'll find is, you will become consistent. It's no longer about achieving a particular goal. It's all about, "Oh, I can't wait till later today. I have 30 minutes to myself to go on a hike, or I can go workout in the gym, put my headphones on, listen to my favorite podcast, listen to my favorite music, and just enjoy myself for about 30 minutes." And on the flip side of that, it makes you a more effective human being in everything else. You end up becoming more productive. It's that whole paradigm-shattering thing where ... When I first learned how to meditate, it was so hard for me to meditate because it felt like 30 minutes of wasted time. "I'm going to sit here and do nothing for 30 minutes. I have all these things to do." [chuckle] But then when I started applying it, I found that that 30 minutes of meditation turned into an extra hour of productivity throughout the day. At that point ... In marketing, they call it "trading dimes for quarters." I was like, "Wow. Okay, so if I'm doing 30 minutes of meditation and I'm far more productive throughout the day, it's not wasted time at all. This is helping everything." The same is true for a structured kind of fitness routine. You don't need to do a ton of it. You don't have to be a super athlete or Mr. Olympia. A few days a week of structured resistance training and increasing your daily activity through small things, like you said, standing and walking a little further, or whatever, and you're set. But learn to enjoy the process, and you'll never have to worry about this I'm-on-the-wagon-off-the-wagon thing. Start to realize there's no wagon. It's just the way I live.

The cost of over-training

Chris: Yeah. Let's talk about the flip side of that and tie it to something you said at the beginning of the conversation, about the historical focus on just building muscle at the expense of everything else, and then maybe the more recent analogue of that, which is perhaps the traditional CrossFit-style training, where people are doing WODs five days a week. What are some of the mistakes that maybe you made earlier on, and then you still see people making in terms of fitness training, particularly on the end of the scale of people doing too much? Because we've been talking ... Obviously, nationwide, [chuckle] the bigger problem is doing too little, we know that. But within the population of people that listen to these kind of shows, my show and your show, we also have the other problem. Sal Di Stefano: Right, right. Say it's the same thing, it's still not listening to your body. What we need to understand is that exercise itself ... If we didn't know anything about exercise, and we had a bunch of scientists, and we said, "Okay we're going to have this person lift these heavy objects for 45 minutes at a particular type of intensity and then we want you to monitor inflammatory markers, we want you to monitor the hormones, we want you to monitor markers of damage or whatever," at the end of that test, the scientists would all conclusively agree that exercising is damaging to the body and horrible, and we should never do it. [chuckle] Exercise itself is not doing ... What it's doing is, it's sending a signal to your body to adapt, that's it. All you want to do with your workout is send the right signal. If you send the wrong signal, then you're not going to get the most out of your workout routine. And the wrong signal can also be, and many times is, too much, especially in regards to intensity. There's many factors that you look at, when you're looking at a workout routine. You have your volume, so that's your total work load or how long you work out. You have the frequency, or how often you exercise. And you have the intensity, how hard you exercise. And the one that is glorified the most is intensity. Partially because it really serves the "I hate my body" mentality very, very well. If I ate a cheeseburger and a burrito yesterday and I'm feeling terrible about myself, I'm going to go to the gym and beat myself up. I'm going to go in and punish myself for making those "bad decisions" yesterday. Or if I don't like the way I look and I hate my body, well, I'm going to beat myself up today in the gym and I need to feel really sore, and I need to sweat like crazy, and I need to crawl out of the gym, and then I'll be satisfied because I think I've accomplished a lot. Nothing could be further from the truth. If you send the right signal, your body will change. Sometimes you need to have a certain amount of intensity, actually many times. But that intensity needs to be appropriate based on your ... Many factors, your current state, so how did you sleep last night, your current nutrition, did you work out yesterday, and your genetic ability for recovery, and your current state of fitness. If I use a different example of adaptation, if I use the signal that the sun sends the body to darken the skin, if I go outside and I expose my skin to UV rays, those UV rays are slightly damaging. My body receives that signal and it aims to adapt to that by darkening my skin so that next time the same insult doesn't produce the same damage. So if I want to get darker, I have to expose myself to longer amounts of sun or stronger amounts of UV rays to get a further adaptation. Same thing happens with the body with exercise. If you've been living in a basement for your entire life and you're as pale as an Irish ghost, [chuckle] then three minutes of sun exposure is going to elicit some change in your body. If I go outside and decide I want to get a tan this second, and I'm going to go out there and I'm going bake myself for the next hour, I'm not going to get a tan, I'm just going to get a sunburn, I'm just going to cause too much damage. Same thing is true with exercise. If I go to the gym and I apply the right intensity, my body will adapt and change. If I go and I apply too much intensity, all my body cares about is recovery. And this is a very important point to make that a lot of people need to hear. Recovery is not the same as adaptation. Now, many times they happen concurrently, many times they happen at the same time. So if I go to the gym and I cause some damage to my body through exercise, which is what exercise does, it's why your body adapts. My body wants to recover from that damage, but then it also wants to adapt so that next time the same exercise, the same intensity, same workout, doesn't produce the same damage. Now if I push it too hard, it just wants to heal. And many people get stuck in this trap where they go to the gym, they get really, really sore, they recover, they go back to the gym, they get really, really sore, they recover, but they're the same, there's no progress. They're not getting any stronger, their body is not changing, they're just basically getting a sunburn each time without any adaptations to their body. So it's important to understand that they are two separate things. And we know this now ... Scientific study will show that post-resistance training, muscle protein synthesis, which is a marker of adaptation, muscle protein synthesis shows that there's muscle-building going on, that that spikes at about between 24 and 72 hours post-exercise, and then it drops very quickly, regardless of recovery, regardless of how sore you are. So I could hammer my legs on Monday super, super hard, and I get this muscle-building signal that peaks on Wednesday or Tuesday and starts to drop very quickly, but I'm still sore and I'm still recovering. Now I can't work out because I'm super sore, but I've missed the opportunity to send another muscle-building signal. So too much intensity can cause that problem, not getting enough results. And of course, if you continue to push that, then you overcome your body's ability to even recover, and you start to go backwards. You start to have this elevated cortisol response to exercise. Your body starts to become very efficient with calories, like it would with cardio, so you start to burn less calories. Your body starts to want to store body fat because it feels like it's in a state that it needs to protect itself, and so body fat is one of those insurance plans that we tend to have, that we evolved to have. So it becomes very inefficient and ineffective, and now you've got somebody who's working out like crazy, getting very little results, or at least they plateaued really hard and their body stopped responding, and then, where do they go from there? Like harder? It can't go harder, so now what? Chris: Right, right. Sal Di Stefano: Your approach needs to be smart with exercise. The right intensity is the intensity that gets your body to adapt and change. Any more intensity is more than you need and will start to take away from your body's ability to adapt.

How to get started with strength training

Chris: I know some people listening to this might be a little overwhelmed, especially if they're not familiar with a lot of stuff that we've been talking about. Again, I think one of the reasons that people don't start exercising if they're sedentary, is it's just ... There's a lot of disagreement and lot of different options out there, and it can be all just too much. And so inertia is powerful and the easiest thing is just to keep not doing anything at all, and so that's what happens. And as you know, I think we talked about when I came on the Mind Pump show, I've been really interested in behavior change, and studying evidence-based principles of behavior change, and how can we help people to shift their behavior. It's not enough, we know now, just to tell people, "Eat healthy and exercise." If it was, we wouldn't be in the situation that we're in now. Sal Di Stefano: Absolutely. Chris: It's not an information problem, it's a behavior change problem, right? And I know you know this from your experience working with people in this capacity. So I know that you have developed a number of online fitness programs as a way of addressing this, which I'd love to talk a little bit about because I think that kind of support is really important for people to be able to be successful and sticking with a program. Not everyone has access to a really good trainer in a local gym. Not everyone is able to find that, or even knows how to interview someone and make sure that they're the real deal, and they know what they're doing and are not going to hurt them. Let's talk a little bit about the programs that you've created and who they're designed for and how they help address this behavior change problem. Sal Di Stefano: Absolutely. The first step, if you're getting into resistance training, you'll have a ton of experience doing it or you have no experience, is as a trainer, what I would do with a client is, step one is I would focus on correctional exercise. My goal is to produce favorable recruitment patterns in the muscle, so the muscles fire better. I want them to gain mobility so that they can get into a squat, so they can do a proper hip hinging movement, like a deadlift. So they can lift something overhead with full extension in their arms without having excessive arch in their back and they’ve got good, what's called scapular retraction, where the shoulder blades can come back, because we see a lot of forward shoulder in today's population. I'm going to focus on correctional exercise. That's always the first step. We have a program that we designed specifically for that. We have two of them. One is called MAPS Prime, and we designed it specifically because we understood that this was a huge missing piece in the fitness programming that's out there. There's a lot of workout programs out there, most of them, if not all of them, are designed to just get you to sweat and get you sore, because that's what sells. They're not super effective in terms of long-term results, but there's almost nothing that you can find that's going to help you correct imbalances with movement and gets your body to move better so that you can start doing the most effective exercises, like barbell squats and deadlifts and rows and overhead presses, and all these great movements that just yield the best results. Like, how do you get a person to get to be able to do those? And it was a difficult challenge for us to design something like that because we're designing a program that is for the masses, and muscle imbalances and how people move is very individual. I can have two people with completely different lifestyles—this person over here has an anterior pelvic tilt, this person has a posterior pelvic tilt. This person over here, when they do a squat, there's too much knee extension. This person is not getting good hip extension, whatever. How do we design something that allows people to individualize what their correctional exercise routine is going to look like? So it was a difficult problem. Luckily, I work with two of the best trainers that I've ever encountered. And the three of us sat down and we were able to come up with what we call the compass test. And this covers three basic movements, that if you're able to perform these well, with good control, good mobility, and according to how we describe it in the compass test ... There's different points you want to look at. Then that means that you probably get good function in this particular area of your body. And we came up with three movements, and what you do is, you do these three movements, you watch how we demonstrate it on the compass test, the videos in the program. You do these movements, and then based on how well or how bad you do these movements, those will direct you to exercises and workouts based on your individual body. So now you have your correctional workout that is programmed and prescribed for your individual body. You take that workout and you go to the gym and you do them, you do these exercises. Many of these exercises involve no weights whatsoever, because they're correctional. Some of them are body weights, some of them you can use bands, or like a broomstick for support or to give you feedback. And through following these movements you start to create better recruitment patterns. And from somebody who's completely sedentary, super deconditioned, it can take anywhere between 30 and 90 days to get to the point where then they can progress to a more traditional workout-type program, which we also have, many of which that we offer. We have MAPS Anabolic program, which is our foundational strength-building program. Then we have MAPS Performance, which is more for the athletic-minded people who want to be able to perform multiplanar movements and perform like a broad spectrum athlete. We have MAPS Aesthetic, which is advanced targeting more of the aesthetic-minded, maybe stage presentation-type individuals. But MAPS Prime is a great place to start if you're just getting into this. Now, if you're already into working out; you know what you're doing or you've been doing it for a while, then you can do the MAPS Anabolic, MAPS Performance, or MAPS Aesthetic. And the way we program these routines ... And they come with videos and demos and blueprints, so it's all spelled out for you. But the way we program these is really based on how a majority of people's bodies are going to adapt and respond to exercise. So the old ... And we say “old” because finally the tide is starting to turn, but when we first came out with these programs, we were by ourselves and how we were preaching exercise. The old mentality with resistance training was to follow what's called the body part split. These are routines where you go to the gym and today's chest day, tomorrow's legs, the next day's back. And you isolate different areas of the body and then you do a lot of exercises for that one body part, or whatever. Working out with the split works fine if you're a genetically gifted, anabolically enhanced bodybuilder. But for the average person, it's nowhere near as effective as more of a full-body approach to training. Part of it's because of that muscle protein synthesis signal that I talked about, where it spikes after about 24 to 72 hours, so you want to be able to work out the whole body again. You don't have to wait a whole week before you hit that body part. And the second thing is from a functional standpoint, isolating muscles does have a place when it comes to correctional exercise, but when it comes to being functional, it's terrible. When you go lift something off the floor or when you're moving furniture, or you're doing somewhere around the house or whatever, you're not ... Chris: Using your biceps. Sal Di Stefano: Yeah, you're not like, "Okay, biceps ..." Chris: "I'm going to curl this up." Sal Di Stefano: No, it's the whole body working in unison, so it's just much more functional. And so our programs are kind of based on that approach. We also use a style of periodization called phasing. So just for your listeners, quick description: phasing your workouts or periodizing your workouts means we're going to focus on specific forms of adaptation for particular periods of time, and then we're going to shift our focus to another type of adaptation. So here's a real general basic example. For three weeks, we may have you focus on maximal strength. So this is where you're going to train with very low repetitions. You're training heavier movements, you're taking longer rests in between sets and we're trying to really get some good central nervous system adaptation. We're trying to get stronger in these low-rep ranges for particular movements. Then after doing that for a few weeks, because the body starts to adapt and ... It's really cool with strength training, the body is quite specific in how it adapts to strength training. So if I train in the five-rep range, I'll get really good at five reps, but I won't necessarily get super good at the 20-rep range. I'll have a little bit of carryover, but not much. And the body will start to plateau as it starts to get used to a particular style of training, your body will stop responding. So what we'll do with our programs is we phase them. So maybe for three weeks you're focusing on that maximal strength, then the next three weeks we're focusing in a little bit of a higher-rep range, more muscle hypertrophy; or we're focusing on actually building muscle fibers and less on maximal strength. And then maybe we'll focus on what is known as sarcoplasmic hypertrophy. Sarcoplasm represents all of the non-muscle fiber structures within muscle. So glycogen, fluids, capillaries, everything that's not a muscle fiber within your muscle, which incidentally makes up something like 70 percent of your actual muscle. And that's a faster pace, it's higher reps, you're getting lots of blood to the muscle. You may notice or feel what's called a pump, and you build more endurance. And so that yields a particular result. And cycling through different phases gets the body to continuously adapt, you get better results, your body responds better. Mentally, it's more fun. You get to change up your workouts, you change the focus, whereas on... "This phase I'm trying to go a little faster with my workouts. This phase I'm trying to lift heavier and go slower. This phase I may be more controlled with my movements and trying to isolate certain parts of my body." And so our programs are really designed ... I mean they're designed by personal trainers with 15 to 20 years of experience. That's where integrity with the programming comes. It's not about, "Hey, let's sell this flashy workout that's going to get people real sore." It's like, "Okay. Let's do a program that's going to actually work long term. That's going to give people results and not hurt them and get their body to respond and get them healthy." And that's kind of what we did, but ... Chris: Yeah. That's so key, and I love ... I know you have a program, MAPS Anywhere, that's also for people who don't maybe have access to a gym or don't have time to go to the gym several times a week. And that's super important too, because I think that's another obstacle for a lot of folks in terms of starting resistance training. Sal Di Stefano: Oh, absolutely. Look, I work out at home. I have a garage and I have a real basic gym in my garage. And I love working out in there more than going anywhere else. It's convenient, it's right there. I'm on my own, nobody's around me. I can play my own music. I can work out with my shirt off, or I don't have to comb my hair or brush my teeth. I wake up and work out. [chuckle] Chris: Yeah. I do the same thing. Sal Di Stefano: Yeah. And I know a lot of people, specially if you're busy or you have kids and literally you carve out 30 minutes, 30 to 40 minutes, if that's all I have. Well, MAPS Anywhere, again, no equipment required. You pull up your program on your computer and you just do it right there in your living room, and again, we program that expertly like we do with the other program. So it's actually effective, it's not ... Again, a lot of the at-home workouts are just terrible. Chris: Yeah. Yeah. Sal Di Stefano: They're just pushing you to the limit. It's high intensity, it's all it is. And they aren't very good long term. [chuckle] Chris: Yeah. For me, I'm pretty hardcore about it, and if you want to listen to the show, it's just about maintaining balance, spending time with my family and my meditation practice, doing the work that I need to do, having time to just chill and relax. Yeah, 30 or 40 minutes. And because we live way up in the Berkeley Hills, that is the time that it would take me to get to the gym and get back, and not do anything there. [chuckle] So working out at home, like you have a garage and some equipment, that's ... If I didn't have that, I wouldn't be doing it. So it makes a difference between doing it and not doing it. It's hugely important. Sal Di Stefano: "Hey, whatever fits your lifestyle." That's what I always tell people. Chris: Absolutely. And that can change. There was a time, a few years ago, where I had more time and I was going to the gym and I liked that. And there probably will come a time again when I do that. But you gotta adapt your routine for what's going on in your life. And having different tools to enable you to do that is really important. So that's why I'm happy to be talking to you about this. And like I said before, I have just come to believe now that people need way more support than they typically have when they embark upon any kind of diet or lifestyle or behavior change. And the reason people fail with weight loss or with exercise or even with things like sleep and stress management is not lack of information, it's lack of support. I'm 100 percent sure about it. And the research supports that. It's not not knowing what to do that's the problem. It's not having the support to put it into practice, and so I'm a big believer in programs like this that actually can just make it simple. You fire up the iPod or the computer, hit play, watch the video and just do it. And that makes all the difference in the world. I think mindpumpmedia.com is the website where they can find out about these programs. Sal Di Stefano: Yeah. You can find out about each one. We'll have information under each program. And then our podcast, Mind Pump, we talk about them as well. And then we have a YouTube channel for people who ... Because at the end of the day, our higher mission really is, we want to influence the fitness industry so that it becomes the answer to, or part of the answer to, the health epidemic. In the past, traditionally it hasn't been. It's been riddled with fads and poor information. It hasn't helped anybody. And our higher mission is to provide as much information as possible that's quality, that's the right message that gets people longevity with their workouts, long-term success. And we also have free videos on our YouTube channel, which is Mind Pump TV. You can go on there. It doesn't cost you anything. And we break down exercises. We talk about workout programming. We talk about nutrition. Even if you don't want to invest anything, you can just go to our YouTube channel and check out all the free information. We post a video ... Almost every single day there's a new video out there. Chris: Yeah. These guys are so fun to listen to and hang out with, when I went down there to record your shows, with Sal and talking to Noah and Adam and Justin, I had a blast. And so definitely check out their show, their podcast, and their YouTube channel because if you're going to learn fitness, you might as well have fun while you're doing it. That's why I like you. Your attitude's really ... There's just a lot of really kind of sleazy, cheesy stuff in the fitness industry. And I don't need to tell you that. You know that probably better than anybody. And for me it's always really important to cut through that and find people that I can recommend, that I know are approaching it from an evidence-based perspective and are doing it with integrity. Because particularly in the fitness industry, there are a lot of bogus claims being made. There's a lot of really kind of sleazy marketing-type of tactics and there's also the real potential to get hurt. That's true for diet, too. But you can really, really get hurt if you do this wrong. Sal Di Stefano: Oh, I'll tell you, because we've had the podcast for a few years now and we're relatively successful in the podcast space with fitness. We've gotten to meet ... The opportunity to meet some of these fitness influencers and a lot of them are putting out workout programs. We see their workout programs and we know that these people should not be putting out information. And we'll meet some of them and it's shocking. It's shocking. Many of these people look good and that's their credibility. Because I look good and put out a fitness program and tell people how to work out, and it's just terrible. It's horrible. [chuckle] Chris: Yeah, and it's not just a question of “this isn't going to work.” Like I said, it's a question of “this can actually hurt you.” I'm really glad you joined us, Sal. I'm really glad you have these programs available because we haven't actually ... Of course, I've talked a lot about physical activity and the importance of resistance training and increasing non-exercise physical activity. In my book, I wrote about more kind of the why and the what you need to be doing, but we haven't talked much about how, and so it's great now that we have this resource to refer people to. Are you guys doing anything locally now in San Jose or are you pretty much focusing on reaching a wider audience now through the online programs? Sal Di Stefano: Yes, online programs. We're always looking to create new ones that can help address different segments of the population, so we'll probably end up coming out with more programs in the future. But yeah, we're focused on media. We want to ... We had a meeting when we first started our company, and we talked about fighting fire with fire. In fitness, the people who get out the most information or who reach the most people are the ones that shouldn't. They're really good at marketing. They're really good at marketing, they're really good at media, they've got bad information. Then you've got these really smart people with really good evidence-based information and approaches, and nobody hears them because they're terrible at marketing. And so we're trying to get the good information but also fight fire with fire and produce entertaining podcasts and YouTube channels. Get people on our show like you, who can reach even more people through our audience. We've got great information, and so that's our goal. Our goal is to get out ... get as much information out there as possible, reach as many people as possible and hopefully influence others to be able to do the same. Chris: Great. Well, thanks again so much for joining us on. [chuckle] Thanks for fighting the good fight. Again, it's a relief that you guys are out there and getting your content out there in a big way so that people have a really reliable source of information and support to turn to. Sal Di Stefano: Thanks, Chris, I appreciate you having me on. Chris: All right, everybody, that's it. Remember to send in your questions to http://ift.tt/1DErq19, and we'll talk to you next time. All right. Thanks again, that was great.

Source: http://chriskresser.com December 20, 2017 at 03:09AM

#paleo #recipe #food #delicious #healthy #yum #diet

[olympictickets]

Olympic Fencing: Marquee meet provides a valuable testing ground for Japanese fencers

They don’t have sufficient time to develop earlier the Tokyo Olympics. Nonetheless, Japanese fencers and their coaches are in no haste. At the FIE Fencing World Cup Tokyo encounter, the Japanese members did not meet their goals. None of them got past the Rotund of 32 in the men’s separate foil rivalry as Japan over fifth in the squad event. Nonetheless, they stayed positive, acknowledging they still have tons of work to do.

Olympic followers from all over the world are invited to book Olympic 2020 tickets from our online platforms for Olympic Tickets. Olympic Athletics followers can book Olympic Athletics Tickets from our ticketing marketplace exclusively on discounted prices.

“To be truthful, I was stung by my result yesterday Kyosuke Matsuyama supposed after the three-day tournament enfolded up at Minato-ku Game Center on Sunday.  Nonetheless, separate and team competitions are completely different animals. It’s important for you to get momentum in the squad competition. And we were able to take benefit of the support at our home nowadays. After all, I felt good as if I can forget yesterday’s presentation.”

There are three disciplines foil, epee, and saber, and eight nations in each will compete in the team events at the Olympic 2020. The contributing countries will be grittily founded on world rankings, which are founded on points earned in World Cup and Grand Prix rivalries, the world contest, and other international events. The qualifications will kick off in April and end in this year.

In order to secure an advertisement in the Olympic 2020, Japan will need to defeat South Korea. The host team fell to South Korea 45-36 in the round of eight at the Tokyo Olympic meet. Japan is currently ranked No. 6 in the punishment in the world, though South Korea is fourth. Japan now looks gaining to retaliating its loss to South Korea at June’s Asian finals to get a big boost in the Olympic 2020 qualification race.

“We were pointing for a medal, but a fifth-place finish is situated too bad, supposed the 22-year-old Matsuyama, who is considered Japan’s ace foil fencer. And toward the Olympic 2020 qualification season, we found some positive things.”

Developing the squad

Oleg Matseichuk, who has helped as a coach for the Tokyo Olympic foil team since 2003, repeated the media that the team consists of typically younger fencers.

“The home-based World Cup in Tokyo Olympic was very significant for us, the Ukrainian supposed. But we need more time and confidently we’ll be better.”

Matsuyama supposed that it would be a key for the young Japanese fencers, counting himself, to build sureness by execution well at the international events. He added that it is one of the major compensations for younger athletes like them that they can grow faster than older ones.

“We can recover, even throughout a match,” Matsuyama supposed. “Existence a young fencer, you often find odds to get better during a game, or even just one moment. That supposed, we have a bigger room to grow.”

Toshiya Saito, who received silver in the separate foil competition at the world championships two years ago, supposed: There’s nothing but positives in ourselves. We would like to keep the impetus to get in the Asian championships.

Raising the sport’s profile

Meanwhile, former Japanese great Yuki Ota warned that the nation’s fencers need to be additional serious about winning if they sincerely want to achieve the goal of earning medals at the Olympics 2020. Ota, who now serves as the Japan Fencing Federation president, supposed that the current Japanese athletes have “better techniques” than he had as a fencer but that the rivalries are not skill contests.

“It’s about who’s more modest,” supposed Ota, who collected a pair of Olympic medals, a silver in the men’s separate foil at 2008 Beijing Sports and a silver in the side foil event at the 2012 London Sports.

It’s around how much you want to win, the gluttony to win. I’ve been used to seeing clever players. I want them to become ones that can win. Last weekend, Ota was quite busy. He was not only absorbed on the athletes’ presentation, but also on how the event amused followers.

The 33-year-old has led labors to raise the admiration of the sport since he expected the post in 2017. For the World Cup Tokyo meet, Ota obvious there would be no admission fee for spectators and made the space around the strips obtainable for them as well so that they could enjoy the action up close.

In addition, event organizers providing an in-house announcing, allocating hand-held radios to admirers. Attending to the live broadcast aided give them a better chance to comprehend the game.

Those labors paid off, as showed by the present figures. Ota stated on his Twitter explanation that the combined presence at this year’s Tokyo Olympic meets augmented from 500 in 2016 and 1,600 in 2018 to 5,248 this year. But Ota, who became an International Fencing Federation vice president last month is not fully content with the status quo.

“We’d set our goalmouth to draw about 8,000, supposed Ota, who took a separate foil gold medal at the 2015 world championships in Moscow. We have not been able to reach as well as we would like to yet, so we have lots of things we have to reflect on.”

Ota is keen to offer followers something that they have not seen wherever else. At the national championships, the sport’s national leading body used Globe Tokyo, a theater, to create an amusing atmosphere. Ota revealed that the alliance would unveil another astonishment at the national championships advanced this year.

Olympic 2020 followers can get Olympic Tickets through our confidential online ticketing market place. OlympicTickets2020.com is the most reliable source to book Olympic Packages.

#OlympicTickets OlympicPackages SummerGamesTickets OlympicHospitality Olympic2020Tickets TokyoOlympicTickets OlympicFencingTickets

[arplis]

Arplis - News: La catastrophe: My La Compagnie flight to the South of France that never happened

The United States and France have had a special relationship since the former’s birth. No surprise that the two should be linked by a large, and growing, number of flights. The smallest of the airlines linking the two nations is Paris-based La Compagnie, which began flying in 2014 and operates to less than a handful of destinations in each country on less than a handful of planes with only one choice of cabin, business class. Despite the lack of scale — it focuses only on Newark in the U.S. and Paris and Nice in France with what’s currently a three-jet fleet — La Compagnie takes advantage of that crowded US-France traffic to offer competitive fares in a market built on pricey business fares. La Compagnie has a new Airbus A321neo in its small fleet, though my flight was to be operated by a much older Boeing 757. (Photo by Zach Honig/The Points Guy.) And that’s what drew me to them for a trip this summer. We were long overdue for a visit with a friend and her family in Paris, so early this year, we decided to get a rental house together in the South of France for both our families in August. And why not get there in comfort, I figured, especially since we would traveling with a baby who’d proven to be pretty good about going to sleep on planes? So La Compagnie’s once-daily flight from Newark to Nice, about a half hour by car from our rental house, seemed like the perfect choice, a wonderful way to treat ourselves after nearly a year and a half of changing diapers. The result, however, was easily the worst airline-related experience, as a passenger, of my life — and I’ve flown on both North Korea’s airline and one where the pilot threatened passengers with decapitation. So, like, bad bad, not “they didn’t thank me for my elite status” bad. Here’s why I will never fly La Compagnie again. In This Post A promising start I got our August round-trip tickets for our La Compagnie flight from Newark Liberty Airport (EWR) to, at least theoretically, Nice Côte d’Azur Airport (NCE) all the way back on Jan. 9 two different ways. I used the Platinum Card from American Express to buy a ticket for my wife. Our son, who’d be just over 17 months for our trip, was listed under her fare and got a separate ticket, but there was no charge because he would still be under 2 at the time of the flight. Like the website instructed, I noted that he’d need a kid meal and milk. The fare for my wife and son’s tickets came to $1,543. For my own fare, I redeemed 86,662 points on my Chase Sapphire Reserve card with the help of a specialist at the Chase Travel Portal. My receipt listed $698 for the flight and $601.93 for taxes and fees, minus $1,299.93 in credit from my redeemed points, leaving me with a grand total of zero dollars to pay in cash. We were all booked on the same row, and I was going to hold our child as a lap infant, but when later I called La Compagnie to confirm our seats, the agent said that we might be moved to a bulkhead row with a bassinet on the day of our flight. She also confirmed that they’d have kid meals and milk stocked. I’d chosen a red-eye specifically with the idea that our child would fall asleep soon after the 11:30 p.m. Eastern-time departure, and would wake fresh as a daisy — I’m allowed to dream — not too long before we landed at 1:50 p.m., France time, the next day. Because we were traveling with a very young child, I didn’t look at connecting options. With our flights purchased and pretty much settled, nearly seven months passed without incident, and I let myself start to fantasize about cracking open freshly baked French bread to the sounds of the Mediterranean breaking against the sand. We even bought our toddler tiny black Speedo briefs so he’d fit right in with the older men on European beaches. The day before our flight, La Compagnie emailed me with confirmation of our upcoming trip. Everything was going swimmingly. The next day, it all went horribly wrong. Strike one: Canceled flight … ? I was in the middle of triple-checking that Tickle Me Elmo was turned off inside our checked luggage and wouldn’t prompt a bomb scare with peals of demonic laughter echoing through the cargo hold when something nagged at me to see how our plane was faring the afternoon of our departure. “Delayed,” FlightAware warned. The plane, apparently, was still in Nice. But there was no word of any issues from La Compagnie, so I let it go, at first. But I kept checking, and when there was only an hour or two to go before we had to pack up the car for the hourlong drive from Brooklyn to Newark, it became obvious that the fact that our plane might still be stuck in France could have serious implications for our trip. I never made it to La Compagnie’s gate at Newark. (Photo by Brian Kelly/The Points Guy.) Finally, I got an email from the airline saying the flight had been pushed back about 20 minutes. Then an email came saying my flight was canceled for technical reasons and the company was working on getting me on a replacement flight. Weirdly, though, my wife and son’s original travel itinerary was supposedly still on, according to La Compagnie. I wasn’t about to send my wife off to haul our kid and two weeks’ worth of luggage through the South of France all by her lonesome, so I called La Compagnie customer service to find out what was going on. Repeatedly. I kept getting a recording that kept me on hold for a long time before asking me to try again later and then hanging up on me. So I gave up on them and called the Chase Travel Portal, where a Chase representative confirmed that, yes, the entire flight was canceled. She called La Compagnie on my behalf and actually got through. On a three-way call with Chase, La Compagnie’s customer service said we ought to head for Newark Airport, where there’d be replacement tickets waiting for us. Instead of flying business to Nice, we would be booked on the economy airline XL Airways France, which has since ceased flying. She also promised that milk and kid meals would be available on the XL flight. But we’d land in the wrong city: Paris, around 430 miles from Nice as the crow flies. These are the seats we were supposed to fly in for our flight to Nice. Instead, we flew a now-defunct airline in coach. (Photo by Brian Kelly/The Points Guy.) How would we get from Paris to Nice? They’d have it worked out by the time we landed, the La Compagnie rep, based in Guadeloupe in the French Caribbean, promised. Actually, they seemed to have sorted it out on our drive over to the XL Airways desks at Newark Terminal B, emailing my wife, at least, an itinerary that showed that she and our son were booked for an Air France flight from Paris Orly Airport (ORY) to Nice, leaving the next day at 3:25 p.m. and arriving at 4:55 p.m., or a smidge over three hours after we’d originally expected. None of it was ideal, but it would still put us at the rental house in time to have a pleasant welcome dinner with our friends. I assumed — hoped — that I’d get an email with the same itinerary. At this point, I didn’t really have a choice. These angle-flat seats would have been a whole lot better than economy on XL Airways. (Photo by Brian Kelly / The Points Guy).Strike two: No ticket pour moi At Newark, I learned never to assume anything with La Compagnie: My wife and kid were booked from Newark to Paris Charles de Gaulle (CDG), as expected. I wasn’t. Neither was one of the other guys behind me. After several frantic minutes that involved a snowballing number of bewildered desk staff and management shuffling papers and disappearing behind a door to consult another computer and possibly make calls to Paris, we learned that La Compagnie headquarters had sent XL Airways a list of people from our flight who needed seats on that night’s flight to CDG. For some reason that was never explained, at least two of the people on the list were never actually booked seats, including me. After a few more minutes, though, we were finally all booked on the XL flight to Charles de Gaulle, on Flight SE051, leaving 11:59 p.m. New York time and landing at 1:10 p.m. Paris time the next day. Our seats were even next to each other. I’ll skip most of the description of the substitute flights we ended up having to take — though I’ll point out that the XL crew had no idea what we were talking about when we asked for the milk and kid meal the La Compagnie agent had promised. This was never intended to be a story about XL Airways or Air France, after all. Instead, I’ll skip to our experience once we landed in Paris, where La Compagnie managed to take an unfortunate situation and make it much, much worse. It was like a summer job where you accidentally spill the ice cream while handing a customer his ice cream cone and, instead of throwing it out and getting a new one, picking the scoop of ice cream up from the dirt with your fingers, putting it back in the cone and handing it to your customer, hairy with grass and twigs and wriggling with ants — and expecting them to pay you $2.50 for it. Plus, it’s pistachio or rum raisin or a flavor like that. An XL Airways Airbus A330. The airline stopped flying in September. (Image by CT Cooper via Wikimedia Commons.)Strike three: Impossible connection After landing in Paris at Terminal 2A on the next day, going through immigration and collecting our baggage, we hightailed it to Terminal 2F, only to have our boarding passes for the flight to Nice — we actually had all three of them this time — rejected at the check-in kiosk. The reason? Bag check had closed before we’d gotten there. In buying our tickets, the third-party, evidently France-based, company La Compagnie uses to manage rebookings hadn’t taken into account that we had to deal with customs and immigration after an international flight, not leaving us enough time to get off the plane from Newark, go through the bureaucratic paperwork, get our bags, change terminals and check in with a different airline. So now we were given the choice of either abandoning almost all our bags, including two weeks’ worth of necessities, or finding another way to Nice. More calls to La Compagnie’s customer-service line. More recordings and hang-ups. The incredibly patient woman manning the Air France customer-service desk told us that if we wanted to make it to Nice that day, our only shot was an 8 p.m. flight from Paris Orly Airport (ORY) that landed in Nice at 9:25 p.m. But the seats were filling rapidly, she warned. Strike, uh, four: Forced to rebook myself Finally, a call to La Compagnie found a live person. The agent said that they’d book us on the Air France flight from Orly to Nice. Alternatively, we could find a hotel, spend the night, and try to catch another flight the next day, and La Compagnie would pay for up to 200 euros ($220) for lodging — in other words, enough for a Motel 6 level of hotel in Paris at the last minute. We picked the Nice flight that night, and the agent said I’d get a phone call once it was taken care of. So we ate, tried to relax and waited for the call from La Compagnie, which never came. I called them again, made it through the gauntlet of recordings and hang-ups, and reached the same La Compagnie customer-service rep, who said that the booking company that the airline used was slow that day because it was dealing a whole cruise ship full of passengers who had to be rebooked to the South of France too — and that took priority. But our new, new flight to Nice would be taken care of by the time we got out of the cab to Orly, which they’d pay for. I’d get a call by the time we were at Orly, she said, but we should hop in a taxi now. La Compagnie’s promises rang hollow at this point, so I realized we needed a Plan B. We went back to the Air France staffer who’d been helping us, and one of her eyebrows went up skeptically when we repeated what the plan from La Compagnie was. Behind her, another Air France agent tut-tutted and asked what company we were dealing with, then shook his head. “This doesn’t make sense,” our agent said. “This is something that takes less than a minute. Why would they make you wait to be booked?” So, working with the helpful Air France agent, we worked out the Plan B: We wouldn’t immediately trek with all our stuff and infant to Orly, in case it was all to find out La Compagnie had fumbled again (from CDG, north of Paris, to Orly, south of it, is about a 35-minute ride away in decent traffic but can be more than twice that in heavy traffic). Instead, we’d stick around the customer-service desk at CDG and check in with her every once in a while to see if we’d been booked on that night’s flight yet. After all, the Air France computer would be updated immediately after it happened, and it was clear that La Compagnie wasn’t exactly on the ball when it came to communicating with customers. If, by the time we had to leave CDG for ORY, La Compagnie still hadn’t bought our tickets, I’d buy the tickets myself. Then we’d take a cab to Orly. If La Compagnie still hadn’t gotten us our seats to Nice by do-or-die time at Orly, we’d travel on our self-bought tickets. If, however, La Compagnie actually came through before we had to check in for our flight, I could talk to an Air France agent at Orly for a one-time-only-these-are-unusual-circumstances refund on what were normally nonrefundable tickets. So we gave La Compagnie nearly four hours to buy tickets that should’ve taken them literal seconds to take care of. And they whiffed yet again. With taxes and fees, our tickets for two adults and one infant from Orly to Nice bought directly from Air France cost me 203 euros (about $225), which I put on my Chase Sapphire Reserve. We left CDG at 5:50 p.m. and got to Orly around 6:40 p.m. in an Uber that cost 64 euros ($70). (Photo of Orly Airport south of Paris by AFP/Staff via Getty Images.) Before we got in line for an Air France kiosk at Orly, I checked for messages from La Compagnie. Nada. With bag check and security still to deal with, and not wanting to risk missing a second flight in a row, there didn’t seem to be much point in giving La Compagnie any more leeway. We checked in with the tickets I’d bought myself. Only after we made it through security and to the gate and had waited around a bit, maybe 15 or 20 minutes from the first boarding call, did my phone chime to let me know there was a voicemail from La Compagnie. Their booking company was trying to get us tickets on the Air France flight to Nice but saw our names were already on the manifest. Could we contact La Compagnie right away so they could sort it all out and arrange our seats? One last time, I made the all-too-familiar round of attempts to call La Compagnie. The connection was terrible, and I could barely even hear the recording before it hung up on me. When I finally got through to a live representative, she cut me short as I started to give her my name. “Yes, I know who you are,” she said. It wasn’t the voice of someone happy to hear from me. When I told her we were already at the gate on tickets I’d bought myself, though, she seemed to perk up. “Oh! Then it all worked out! Have a good flight!” “Of course, I expect you to reimburse me for the tickets I had to buy myself,” I said. But she wasn’t having that, and said that because I’d bought my own tickets instead of letting La Compagnie arrange it, I was on the hook for the 203 euros. I could take it up by emailing customer service if I felt I needed to. And then the line went dead — either the poor connection had given out again, or La Compagnie had hung up on me yet again. I didn’t bother trying to raise them again. It was time to board. Air France Flight 6232 landed at Nice Airport around 9:30 p.m. By the time we booked our tickets, adjacent seats weren’t available, so I sat with our son in my lap while my wife was in the row in front of us. After we got our luggage and to the car-rental center, the rental agency was down to a single staffer who could get us the child car seat we’d reserved, so we didn’t make it to our rental home just outside Cannes till just before midnight. Cannes, France. (Photo by Nick Ellis/The Points Guy.) I’d bought tickets for an eight-hour, 20-minute flight that was supposed to get us from door to door in under 13 and a half hours. We ended up on a grueling odyssey that involved four airports, three cities and three airlines and took closer to twice that. Après NCE, la catastrophe For the Newark-Nice flight on La Compagnie, I never interacted with anyone at the airline besides the customer-service telephone agents based in Guadeloupe. Though the woman I dealt with most obviously grew increasingly exasperated as the saga went on, her demeanor remained cool and professional, if not exactly sympathetic, throughout. I can’t say the airline didn’t hire cool-headed staff for their call center. What I can say, however, is that their information was late, incomplete and often incorrect, and if I’d followed their directions the whole way through, we wouldn’t have made it to our intended destination until the third day. For some reason, the emails we received were different depending on whether it involved my wife or me. Whoever did their rebookings flubbed basic travel practicalities not just once but twice and possibly three times (depending on whether it was their or XL’s fault I wasn’t booked on the replacement EWR-CDG flight). That’s not great customer service. In fact, it’s downright crappy. And it took a customer-service agent from another airline to salvage the situation, which La Compagnie should frankly find embarrassing. TPG’s Editor at Large Zach Honig also experienced poor customer service when dealing with the airline on a flight from Paris to Newark a few months ago — but he actually got to fly on a La Compagnie plane in business class. All that was exacerbated when La Compagnie continued to refuse to reimburse me for the Air France tickets I’d been forced to buy on my own to get us to Nice. The day after we landed in the South of France, I emailed customer service with my receipts and explanation, then waited. At least we made it to the South of France, right? (Photo by Nick Ellis / The Points Guy) It only took a couple days for them to email me, apologizing for the technical issue with their plane and offering to refund $261.75 per passenger to compensate for the downgrade in service from Newark to Paris, plus $700 “cash regulatory compensation” per flyer (or a $1,000 voucher per person to be used toward a La Compagnie flight within one year — a nonstarter, of course). But there was no mention of paying me back for the Air France tickets, so I asked them again. Nearly three weeks after the aborted Newark-Nice flight, they emailed again and flatly rejected the idea of paying for the Air France tickets. “First and foremost, we have to point out, though; Regulation dictates when it comes to canceled flights, passengers shall be given the choice between a rerouting at the earliest opportunity or the refund of the unused flight,” the email said in broken English. “Despite, you could have been postponed on another airline and granted with the downgrading compensation, you decided to purchase new flights on your own with Air France. In this instance, you’ll understand we must respectfully deny your request to refund these extra costs.” I repeated my appeal, asked them to bump it up to the higher-ups and once again painstakingly laid out the account, minute by minute, of why I ended up having to buy my own tickets to Nice instead of relying on them to rebook my flight. I pointed out that if I’d waited for them to book the Orly-Nice tickets, it would have been physically impossible, for the second time in one day, for us to make it before check-in closed. One month and two days after La Compagnie had canceled our flight from Newark to Nice at the last minute, they gave in. “Having review your file, we must reconsider our previous email,” they wrote. “Indeed, our record shows the flight we booked was not convenient for your journey. Hence, we will participate to your Air France ticket fee for $222 (203€) and will process the refund on your bank account.” I could finally close the book on my brief but unhappy relationship with La Compagnie. Bottom line It’s tempting to write my experience off as a one-off incident, but whenever there’s a story on The Points Guy about La Compagnie, the comments section is almost invariably filled with horror stories involving technical problems, canceled flights, “inflexible” and unreachable customer service, stranded passengers, sudden downgrades and a litany of ruined trips. When I read those complaints before I booked our flights, I wondered whether it were a case of anonymous-comments-sections histrionics. Now that I’ve interacted with the airline myself, I can verify that the complaints about La Compagnie are spot on. Once we actually got to our rental house, our trip ended up being wonderful, thankfully, but the airline’s operations are clearly seriously brittle, with a tiny, aging fleet, questionable choice of rebooking agency and customer service that’s easily overwhelmed when crisis strikes — so much so that I’ll still be wary of the airline even after its entire fleet is modernized. The airline wants to be known for offering passengers the flying-experience equivalent of entrecôte, but it serves it to them on a paper plate. It’s a shame, too, because our La Compagnie flight back from Nice showed the potential: The flight attendants were thoughtful and kind, there was milk and a surfeit of choices of infant meals, and the seat — well, at that point, I’d already resigned myself to serving no purpose other than human Barcalounger for our kid for nine hours and 45 minutes, so I counted the facts that he was happy and didn’t disturb any of the other passengers and that my spine still worked when I stood up as big wins. (Though it’ll be so much better when they replace the 757 and its angled-flat seats on this route with the A321LR and its true lie-flat product.) And, of course, I never had to deal with the awful customer service or nonsensical rebookings this time round. But a good-enough flight on the return wouldn’t be worth taking the chance of another disastrous outbound trip. If you’re just happy to land in France and don’t really mind where you end up or how many days or hours it takes you to get there? Sure, give La Compagnie a shot. But if you’ve got people counting on you, either waiting for you on land or traveling with you by air? Do not fly La Compagnie. America’s special relationship with France has withstood bloody revolutions, diplomatic spats, mercurial governments, two world wars, the Cold War and Jerry Lewis. But if we depended on La Compagnie to keep the ties between the U.S. and France alive, we’d be better off learning French with a Quebecois accent. Featured image courtesy of William Verguet via Wikimedia Commons. #S-reviews #LaCompagnie #News

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/la-catastrophe-my-la-compagnie-flight-to-the-south-of-france-that-never-happened

[missyordiway]

How to be Happy Again-The Ultimate Guide to Finding your Way in the Dark

This article was originally published on missyordiway.com. Follow Missy Ordiway to learn how to Achieve Your Greatness in life.

We’ve all been there. Challenged with the embracing the dark side of being human.

We don’t want to feel the excruciating pain of loneliness, sadness or depression.

We certainly don’t want to deal with other people and have them pity us when we feel so weak.

I’ve walked the path my friends, and I’ve found the other side. So that makes today your lucky day!

I am here to give you a head start on the path to help you learn how to be happy again.

It’s time to enlighten the gloom, and not fear the dark.

Attachment: Just Let it Go.

“Let it go.” It’s a simple phrase and it also scares the hell out of people. Except letting it go is not your identity, it’s your attachment to how you think your circumstances should be.

I’m here to let you know you can stay true to yourself and let go of how you think life is for you.

The truth is you are letting things go so you can find out how to be happy again.

Previously, you have let things go that ARE working, so let’s look at what you should let go of instead and then address what to do.

Doing Nothing.

I know, it takes a lot of time to do nothing.

We procrastinate and fumble through all the things we are supposed to do.

We also avoid all the people who would be a great benefit to be around. Suddenly, we have nothing to do.

Usually this results in boredom, lots of sleep, ignoring phone calls and ultimately depression.

Sounds like a great plan, right?

We stuff our feelings so deep inside of ourselves, there is a ten-foot-thick brick wall around us.  We don’t let anyone in and then they quit trying.

You know I’m only saying this because I have experienced it, don’t you?

I’m no stranger to the dark.

This didn’t work for me and I’m certain it’s not working for you so why not just go do something…anything will do.

Take yourself on a date, go to the beach or anywhere in nature, that’s the good stuff in life…and it’s free.

Overthinking and Worrying.

Has overthinking or worrying ever done you any good anyway? When you are working to find out how to be happy again, I would bet not.

As humans we like to think that this gives us a strategy that we can attach ourselves to.

We will have certainty and we will control the outcome if we scheme, organize and plan it down to the T.

I’m all for having a goal in mind and going for it, but that’s not what we are talking about and you know it.

We are talking about the useless time you waste.

You want to be right about the uselessness that continues to be the story you are telling about yourself, your circumstances and others in your life.

Take a breath and just relax for a second.

I’m sure things have happened to you in your life that are detrimental to your wellbeing, however what if that’s just the way you are telling your story? No disrespect intended.

We get attached to things and attachment causes suffering.

If you were a bit more fluid with your thoughts, things could change. What do I mean by fluid?

Everyone has thoughts, and they come out of the oblivion sometimes, we as humans dissect them and them invite them to spend an eternity with us. We interpret them as factual data.

So, let them go as easily as they come, like water on the river, it always flows.

Thinking you don’t have what it takes.

Guess what? Did you know every person who has walked this earth has had thoughts like this?

And yes, I get it, you aren’t them. You are even better. You are YOU!

There is no replication of you on this planet and you have such gifts to offer this world.  Comparison is a useless state of mind.

Let people inspire you. Don’t be threatened by their greatness. Instead, allow it to make you dig deep and realize your own.

You are depriving the world of your significance by hiding and participating in life, as if you are not meaningful.

At this point in life we get to be brutally honest, you are lying to yourself. You have been for a long time.

You get to stop playing it safe and start showing up for yourself and the rest of us.

Do you realize that you could be THE human being who was created to aide this planet into evolving us to live with world peace?

Ok, that may seem farfetched. Then again, anything and everything will if you don’t start telling yourself something better.

You’ve got this, now share it with the rest of us and show us the happiness from within.

Uncertainty about how to be happy again.

There are a lot of misconceptions about being happy!

You can have a great experience, or you can have the one you are having.

The choice is yours, between your thoughts and beliefs you are responsible for how you perceive life. Your fear of the unknown could be all that’s holding you back.

Let’s put on a new set of glasses and see if we can read the fine print.

Don’t mistake pain for who you are.

We take everything personally and make assumptions so often that it leads to a lot of upset.

We get hurt and then begin to victimize ourselves because we can’t believe what has happened to us.

That is extremely heavy weight.

Believe me when I tell you we carry it wherever we go, and other people notice it.

The truth is things happen, it’s part of being human. Not a soul on this Earth doesn’t have a story that they could tell you and you wouldn’t feel sorry for them.

However, as I’m sure you’ve noticed, the people you admire and look to for advice don’t hold on to the grief of an unfair or unwanted circumstance.

They don’t mistake those experiences for who they are, and why would they?

Their success rate is 100% in life, and if you are reading this, so is yours.

You might be asking “How?”

If you are still here, you’ve made it. There’s nothing else to do and you are already aware. Just move on.

Beat Shame.

Shame is familiar to a lot of us. Feeling like everything about you is wrong.

Some of us feel like there is nothing we can do right, like we will never be good enough.  If we don’t look this way or talk that way, then we are bad and wrong.

Shame comes from being blind to your lack of self-love. Shame creates resistance and aversion to yourself.

You CAN beat shame by surrendering to what is and accepting yourself.

We are humans, we all make mistakes and there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you learn from those mistakes.

There is opportunity in every moment and life is always teaching you about yourself and how you need to grow.

I’d love to tell you to just “do” one thing or another and you could figure it all out. The truth is it takes practice.

You have built a shame muscle, then again don’t think that it can’t be diminished.

You can’t push against something to make it go away, you must find the opposite of it and increase that muscle instead.

Likely you will always feel shame, and with a new level of self-love, the shame muscle won’t get as much attention when it spasms.

Help yourself by helping others.

I know you see the category this is under, right? Uncertainty.

This is a gentle reminder for those of you who dive ten feet deep into taking care of others only to avoid your own circumstances.

What this really means, to me, is when you encounter someone with a similar situation to you. You connect based on your commonality, then inevitably as humans, we are called to love them.

In the message you deliver to them I encourage you to listen to what you need to hear.

We get to create safe spaces for each other as humans, we get to be vulnerable and authentic.

That’s scary for all of us, especially since most of us grew up thinking we had to be tough all the time and we weren’t allowed to feel.

I’m sure you are all aware in this day in age that we are all connected; therefore, there is no possibility of separation in our energies, only our physicality.

What you can do with that information to help to create a happier world?

Relax into a generous state of being as a giver, as a result this will help you to be a happier you.

It’s time to get out of your comfort zone and reach from the inside out finding everything you need to learn how to be happy again.

Be Present.

They say this is the key to all things in life.

I haven’t figured out who “they” are yet, and in my experience, “they” are correct.

I asked the question to my coach once, “How do I know if I’m present?”

I had this whole misconception about it and if I was doing it right.

She simply replied, “There is a difference in the way it feels, you’ll know the difference.”

Once I let that sink in, she was spot on. Here’s how I saw the difference.

If you encounter an unfavorable circumstance while stuck in your thoughts, the experience it doesn’t feel good most of the time.

Furthermore, if you can be present to the circumstance, it will not affect you the same way, usually not at all.

There are no problems to solve or fix in the present moment and you can just be.

That’s not to say there isn’t something to do in those moments, however where you come from in your beingness will be the basis for your results.

Focus on growth and engage curiosity.

Here’s what I’d like you to focus on about growth… how can you know, what you don’t know? You don’t.

That may make it more difficult to engage curiosity than you first thought.

However, there is more to the story.

You can feed your mind and be curious about what you know and even what you don’t.

Being in the question of “What don’t I know?” while listening and learning will help your mind be inquisitive and find new ways to look at life.

We are always looking for ways to find support of the lies that we tell ourselves.

If that’s what you are searching for, that is surely what you will find.

When you question life from a curiosity standpoint then you may find your premise is not serving you. This alone will give you a new way to look at your circumstances.

Find meaning in what you do.

We often trudge through life just trying to get done everything that needs to be complete.

We rarely take the time to acknowledge our successes.

We are waiting for the one day when the balloons fall from the sky, our bank accounts look like rock stars and we are on the cover of a prestigious magazine.

That all sounds phenomenal, however, what do you think it takes for people to get there?

The little things they do every day lead to monster successes.

What I’m aiming at is that if you aren’t taking time to acknowledge yourself for the run you took, or even getting out of bed on time, why not?

And, do you really think that making tons of money or being a worldwide success is going to bring you a better feeling than what you have now?

I did an experiment in a course I once took, the instructor had us close our eyes and tune in to how we were feeling, then he said to us, “Being a millionaire feels exactly the same.”

That struck me hard. Try the experiment out for yourself. I’ll wait.

It doesn’t change who you are.

Be proud of your accomplishments, every single one. Don’t wait to find excitement in the big things that you are creating, the little ones likely have more depth and meaning.

Compassion.

This word is commonly misconstrued.

The definition states “to suffer with.”

To me, it means love in action.

A compassionate person can feel what another is experiencing and will love them through it.

We don’t suffer necessarily when we do that.

We just help the emotion (energy in motion) move through them.

As humans, most of us know how to do this for everyone else. Nevertheless, we hold onto that emotion for ourselves and don’t allow the energy to move.

In this case, we get stuck.

And, if we go back to the original definition, we are suffering with ourselves, this is not what we are interested in creating.

When you treat yourself as you would treat others you allow that energy to flow through you.

Then you will find love in action from within.

This is the only place love can come from, whether you are with others or alone, finding love from the inside out is a skilled practice.

The darkness teaches us lessons about our strength, endurance and develops our inner warrior.

We choose to live, or we choose to hide. We learn there is so much in our thoughts that keeps us believing that we aren’t happy.

Once you quiet those thoughts, quit worrying and stop doing nothing you are well on your way.

You can learn how to be happy again, it’s up to you to choose the path.

When you have reached your limit of what you know, reach out to me for coaching or purchase my Phoenix Program Workbook and let me help you find your path. When you are in the dark you should always connect to someone else’s light to help you illuminate the way.

#dark #how to be happy #meaning #growth