#also i have been lacking on ideas....! If you guys have any suggestions! Please feel free to send them! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

starryeyedmunson · 2 years

Text

lessons in the bedroom - e.m.

pairing: eddie munson x female reader

summary: eddie teaches you how to give a blowjob.

warnings: smut (minors LEAVE): oral (m receiving), pet names: sweetheart, baby, one use of ‘hun’; mention of a heterosexual hook up appointment; swearing, stupid jokes

author’s note: enjoy eddie munson’s masterclass on head. enjoy :)

pt. 2 ; pt. 3

word count: 2.9k

“Shut up, asshole.”

“I’m not judging you,” Eddie was in a fit of laughter. “I just can’t believe it. I knew you were a virgin, but you haven’t even-”

“Can you just help me? I’m having this guy over tonight, and I can’t be flying blind out here,” you snapped. Eddie had been your friend for a while now; you felt comfortable with him regarding everything. Everything would also include your sex life, or rather lack thereof. This was the first time you were inviting a boy over; you had gone on a couple dates with him already. He was nice, and you thought it was time to finally give him an inch. What that inch was, however, you had no idea. So there you were, standing with your arms crossed and interrogating Eddie for instructions on how to give a blowjob.

“Okay, okay,” he finally stopped laughing. “Do you have a vague idea of how to go about it?”

“I mean,” you started. “I know you put your mouth around it.”

“Alright, Sherlock, you’re set.” You threw the plastic water bottle in your hand at his head, and he dodged it as he fell into laughter again. “No seriously, is that all you know?”

“That’s it, I’m getting help from Steve,” you huffed.

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, okay? I’ll be cool, promise,” he put his hand up to swear it to you. “First and most important rule: absolutely no teeth.”

“Hm,” you thought out loud. “That makes sense. Wait- do you have, like, something I can practice on? Like a banana or something?”

“What about this place makes you think bananas are something you would find in it?” he snarked. You rolled your eyes, but you knew he was right.

“Okay, smartass, so how would I know if I’m doing it right?” you probed.

“You could always practice on me, sweetheart,” Eddie winked. You gave him a blank stare as your mind calculated the best way to actually accept the clear joke of an offer. “That was not serious,” he said slowly.

“Well do you have any alternate ideas because that is the only plausible one you’ve suggested,” you spoke quickly.

“You are not perfecting your head game on me,” he said flatly. “Even though free blowjobs are both great and hard to come by, I’m not making you do that.”

“You aren’t making me,” you dragged out the sentence. “I need help. Here, think of it this way: I get the guidance I need, and you get a blowjob that is totally tailored to you.”

“You’re being serious right now?” Eddie questioned. You nodded your head, walking over to the bed and reaching for the blanket.

“Here, you can put this over my head so you don’t get weirded out by the sight of your best friend sucking you off,” you offered the blanket to him, and he took it slowly from your hands.

“Uh,” Eddie scratched the back of his neck. “Alright, but this is purely for research. Scientific method, all that shit.”

“Do you even know what the scientific method is?”

“Heard it somewhere, I think- that’s not the point.” Eddie unfolded the blanket and laid it over his thighs. “Okay, first thing’s first: do you want to learn laying down or on your knees?”

“I feel like I should try and fit into the stereotype if I’m gonna go all out,” you put your hands behind your back.

“Alright,” Eddie opened his legs to make space for you. “Kneel down here.” You slowly moved in between Eddie’s legs, bending your knees and putting your hands on the ground for some support as you got into position. You looked up at him, and he inhaled deeply. “I’m gonna take off my pants and stuff now.”

“Please don’t narrate,” you shuddered. Eddie tightened his lips, unzipping his jeans and pulling them down to his ankles. You could see his half chub through his briefs, much to your surprise. “You’re already- hey!” Eddie threw the blanket over your head.

“You don’t get to narrate either,” Eddie fixed the blanket so it was settled more evenly over you, then leaned back on his hands. “Okay, showtime.”

“Jesus, don’t say that,” you scoffed. “Just tell me what to do, Munson.”

“Uh,” Eddie sighed. “So take it in your hand and give it a few pumps through the cotton.” You reached up and grabbed his clothed cock, your hands light and barely gripping him. “You can tighten your hand a little, yeah like that,” he exhaled as your grip hardened a little more. “Okay, now go slow at first, just up and down the shaft.”

“Like this?” you stroked him, just as he described. You could feel him hardening more with each time you rubbed him. “Hello?” He didn’t say anything for a bit, and you got worried.

“Y-yeah,” he stuttered. You didn’t really know if the speech impediment was a good sign, but you continued anyway. He reached under the blanket and put his hand over yours, causing you to stop. “Here, I’m gonna take off my underwear now, is that okay?”

“Sure,” you took a deep breath.

“No, not ‘sure.’ I need you to say yes,” Eddie pressed. You smiled softly to yourself, grateful that even in the completely non-platonic situation you were in Eddie still cared for you in the way a best friend would.

“Yes,” you complied. He moved his hands towards the top of his briefs, slowly pulling them down and letting his fully-hard cock spring free. You helped him lead the fabric all the way down his legs to meet his jeans, and you were faced with the sight of your best friend’s dick. Your eyes widened, actually surprised at his size. “You walk around with this thing?”

“Please stop talking,” he pinched the bridge of his nose. You giggled from under the blanket, and Eddie sighed. “Alright now do what you were just doing, nice and slow.” You resumed your motions, finally able to feel the thick veins that ran up his cock. You narrowed your eyes and your tongue peeked out of your mouth in concentration, trying to keep the steady rhythm that Eddie had showed you.

“Should I start now?” you had a small voice, and Eddie barely heard it through the blanket separating you two from each other’s view.

“Yeah, you’re gonna want to get it slick first, so try and spit on your hand or, like, on me,” he instructed.

“Well I don’t have the best aim, so I’m not doing that,” you defied.

“You kind of have to or else it’ll- holy shit,” Eddie breathed out. You had pooled saliva in your mouth, making your tongue extra wet and licking a stripe up the bottom of his shaft. It caught Eddie completely by surprise, and he was beginning to think you weren’t as inexperienced as you led him to believe.

“What- was that wrong? Fuck, sorry,” you freaked out.

“No, the opposite, sweetheart,” he sighed. You shrugged your shoulders and repeated your action, this time running your tongue in a zigzag pattern to cover more ground. You heard Eddie groan from above you, and that plus the nickname ‘sweetheart’ had you feeling a little more confident about how you were doing. You shifted so that your head was above his dick, and you let yourself drool over it, the spit dribbling over the top half that hadn’t gotten any attention yet. You resumed your hand motions, stroking up and down with a lot more ease than you had before.

“This is pretty straightforward, actually. I feel like I’m not doing too bad, right?” you wondered out loud.

“Yeah, you’re n-not bad at all,” Eddie managed, too lost in the feeling of his cock in your hand. “You ready to actually start?”

“I think so,” you focused back on the throbbing dick in front of you. “Do I have to put the entire thing in my mouth at once?”

“Not necessarily,” he answered. “You can slowly work your way down if that’s more manageable. Just start at the tip and then go down a bit, then come back up.”

You took another deep breath, opening your mouth a little to take his tip in like he said.

No teeth. Got it.

You let your plush lips cushion around the pink head, only encompassing that at first before moving back up to the top. You repeated yourself, slowly inching down more each time. You pulled off of him completely, still stroking his leaking cock. “You’re gonna need to give me some verbal feedback instead of this heavy breathing up there.”

“Yes, it’s- yes,” he groaned. “If I don’t say you’re doing anything wrong, you’re doing everything right.” You nodded to yourself, then wrapped your mouth around his tip again. You bobbed your head up and down slowly, too scared to go any faster. Your hand was stationary at the base of his dick, and you felt the blanket moving as Eddie fit his hand around yours. He guided it up to just below your mouth, and with each sink and rise of your head, he held your hand to follow it. You soon got the memo, picking up the pace ever so slightly and moving your hand on your own. “Fuck, baby, just like that,” he just about moaned. Eddie’s grip loosened, but instead of taking his hand out from under the blanket he laced his fingers through your hair. He picked up some of it, making a sort of ponytail and holding on tight as you blew him.

On the other side of the blanket, Eddie was trying to stay as quiet as possible. He couldn’t believe that you, his best friend, were on your knees in front of him with his dick in your mouth. The way it fit perfectly in between your lips, the warm feeling of your tongue running up and down him, the perfect pace you had set yourself at. It had his mind wandering to how your pussy would feel, what it would be like to endure your pulsating walls against him as he made you scream his name. He had always fantasized about that, but he never considered it a plausible reality.

But there you were, entrancing him as you hollowed out your cheeks and created a pressure in your mouth. Your pace was drastically faster than how it was at the beginning, and your tongue was now swirling around the head, lightly grazing over the slit at the very top. You had no idea what to do with your other hand, so you put it high up on his thigh. Your grip tightened, earning a moan from the boy above you.

Am I supposed to be doing something with his balls right now? You literally had no idea, so you decided to just go for it. The hand that was on his thigh moved to just under your head, and you lightly grazed the two sacks beneath the cock you basically owned at this point.

“Holy-” Eddie now really moaned. You froze, terrified that you had fucked up.

“I didn’t know what to do with my other hand,” you defended yourself.

“Please, please do that again,” Eddie keened. You were surprised at first, but then a smirk appeared on your face. You took his cock back in your mouth, but this time you grabbed onto his balls a little tighter, massaging the both of them to the same rate you were bobbing your head. “Don’t s-stop,” he whimpered. Your hair in his hand was now being tugged on, keeping you at a consistent speed. You rolled his balls in between your fingers, and he pulled on your hair tighter, eliciting a moan from you. Eddie felt it in his cock, the vibration running through him and causing his head to fall back.

“It’s getting a little hot down here,” you stopped again, and Eddie had to collect himself. “Should- can I take the blanket off?”

“If you w-want to,” Eddie was still trying to find his footing with his words, and you realized that you had him in the palm of your hand. Literally. You slowly lifted the blanket over your head, revealing Eddie’s flushed face and the small beads of sweat along his hairline. You looked up at him, but he wasn’t making eye contact due to the possible implications that he didn’t want to address at the moment. You furrowed your brows, but you knew as you took your hand and wrapped it above the other one on his cock that he would break. You began wringing your hands around him, moving up and down while your wrists rolled back and forth. You took his balls into your mouth this time, sucking and flicking your tongue slowly as to play with them.

Eddie was in a blissful turmoil above you. His one hand was still gripping your hair for dear life, while the other was clinging to the sheets. He was swearing under his breath, letting out a small shit, baby every so often. His eyes were screwed shut as you had your way with him, and dared himself a glance at your frame kneeling in front of him.

He was doomed. Your makeup was slightly running, your eyes trained on where your mouth was ruining him. The visual of your hands going up and down his strained cock along with your tongue and lips kneading his balls was sending him into a frenzy, and when you hit him with those innocent doe eyes it was almost all he could take.

“You look so f-fucking pretty, sweetheart, you know th-that?” he praised. “Doing so good down there, so good for m-me.” You were now working with ultimate conviction, the flattery doing its job. “G-gonna, shit baby h-how do you know just how I l-like it,” he was falling apart in front of you.

You sucked on his balls with a little more force, your hands moved at an even faster pace, and you were determined to make him cum. You popped off his balls and replaced your mouth with your hand, taking his entire cock into your mouth. It was hitting the back of your throat, and your gag reflex was on the verge of being triggered.

“I c-can’t, gonna- oh god.” He couldn’t warn you in time, but the twitch inside of your mouth was your alarm that he was spent. With your entire mouth around his length, you could feel each surge of the cum that shot through and out of his cock, the hot fluid hitting your throat and forcing itself down your esophagus. The salty taste was foreign to you, and you honestly didn’t like it. But you didn’t totally hate it either. Your preferences didn’t matter as it was already filling your mouth. The last pulses of his cock played out, and you slowly made your way back until his dick was no longer in your mouth. A dribble of his cum was trickling out of your mouth, and you used your thumb to collect it before putting the thumb in your mouth, sucking off the semen.

Your gaze moved up to find Eddie gawking at you. His lips were parted, and his breathing was inconsistent. His entire face was red and damp, and his hands were in his matted hair. Yet he still looked so pretty, so submitted to you as if he was the one keeling at your feet. Your eyes darted around the room until you looked back at him.

“Well?” you said, completely unassuming. Eddie let out a loud but exhausted laugh.

“Don’t bullshit me, hun. That was not your first time at all,” he closed his eyes and sighed, finally at rest.

“Why would I lie about that?” you were offended. “That is, like, so beyond embarrassing.”

“I don’t know why you would lie about that, but you definitely did.” Eddie flinched at you smacking his leg, but just chuckled as he looked back down at you.

“What can I say, I’m a natural,” you gave him a small smile, and he dropped one of his arms to put his hand on your cheek. He rubbed his thumb lightly across your skin, the moment containing a hint of intimacy. You put your hands on the ground and got up to your feet, brushing off your shins and knees. “Well, thank you. You know, for teaching me.”

“I should be thanking you,” Eddie snickered. You rolled your eyes, turning around and grabbing your jacket. Eddie was pulling up his bottom articles of clothing while you weren’t facing him, and he was just pulling up the zipper when you turned back around. “Off to your house?”

“I guess so, yeah,” you said. “Gotta show off my new party trick.” Eddie gave you a tight smile, and he walked you out to the front door. “So,” you turned to face him. “This little experiment is confidential, right?”

“Oh definitely,” he laughed. “Robin and Steve would lose it, and don’t even get me started on if Dustin were to somehow find out.”

“Perfect,” you giggled back. An awkward silence fell over the two of you, and Eddie cleared his throat and opened the door for you. You walked outside, giving Eddie one final glance. He gave you a smile, and you saluted him.

What the fuck did you do that for?

He raised his eyebrows and gave you a little salute back, and you groaned in embarrassment and trudged down the stairs. You heard Eddie laughing behind you as he closed the door, finally reaching your car. You got behind the wheel and took a deep breath, turning the car on and heading for the actual performance you just had the dress rehearsal for.

Hopefully what worked on Eddie would work with this guy.

#eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson #eddie munson x female reader #eddie #eddie stranger things #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson smut #stranger things #stranger things 4 #eddie stranger thing #stranger things smut #fanfic #fanfiction #stranger things fic #stranger things one shot #eddie one shot #eddie drabble

3K notes · View notes

ruffboijuliaburnsides · 11 months

Text

"Has anyone been paying attention to [atrocity or other legitimately horrible thing] going on in [country], or [veiled accusations of bigotry for not knowing]? [insert a post with news but absolutely zero calls to action or suggestions of how someone outside the country might help]"

love that this kind of post is still going around on tumblr. /s this post i'm making is a complaint of every one of that kind of guilt trip post I've ever seen, prompted by one that crossed my dash recently.

first of all, i can barely keep up with the news of what atrocities are happening in my own country, i have literally no idea what's happening in the rest of the world right now. it's not just you. i couldn't tell you what's happening in canada or mexico or half the time even the next state over. Get mad at international news for not covering it, but don't bring that guilt trip down on me.

second of all, if you ARE going to try to bring that guilt trip down on me, the least you could fucking do is tell me how i can fucking help. If you're talking about widespread awareness, the people you want to be pissed at are NEWS OUTLETS for not reporting on it. If you have actual concrete ways the average non-citizen of that country can help, then we're getting somewhere at least.

third of all yes it's a horrible thing. Like, holy shit I read that and was appalled. But all that's going to do is... make me appalled. and feeling worse about the world. Because I can't *help*, apparently, you just want me to be AWARE, okay fine but i'm busy being AWARE of how my own country is trying to kill me right now so you'll forgive me if i have limited resources to focus on a situation i can't change or do anything about other than bear witness to it, apparently. Or that's the sense you gave me by guilt tripping me and then providing zero resources.

But yeah. If something's going down in your country and you want to make a post saying "guys please I just need to make sure people know what's happening" without having any resources for whatever reason, that's fine. I'm supportive. I may even reblog it, though I prefer posts with any sort of indication for how I can help or change the situation.

But making that post, with no resources for how people can help, but also PREFACING it with a snide guilt-tripping accusation of our own bigotry being the reason none of us know about what's happening, rather than a lack of international news coverage and possibly our own preoccupations with stuff happening in our own country? fuck you. I hope the bad shit stops happening and I hope you stay safe, but I think you specifically are a fucking asshole.

#this is not about any one post #this has happened SO MANY TIMES over the years #and i'm especially exhausted by it now as a trans person considering the quickly escalating anti-trans legislation and sentiment #that's being pushed and passed in my own country #i do not have the time nor the energy to keep up with the rest of the world rn #nor should i be expected to tbqh #just like the rest of y'all shouldn't be expected to keep up with the us american news #let's all just fuckin extend some grace to each other in re: knowing what's happening in a country not our own maybe?#can we do that?

91 notes · View notes

love-studying58 · 2 months

Text

SURPRISE!!!!!!

A sneak peek into my fictional series ~ Defenders of the Sky

This snippet is told from Major John Egan’s point of view. This is not the first chapter.

Word Count: n/a for this post.

Author’s Note: All ideas are my own. I will be adding a consistent playlist of songs before each chapter for nearly all the characters I write about. Each chapter will consist of different point of views; multiple perspectives will be present depending on plot events.

Warnings: There will be future mentions of war, extreme slow burn, swearing, death, mentions of POW and concentration camps, nazi guards, historical inaccuracy/timeline inaccuracy, mentions of abuse, PTSD, a soldier’s mental anguish, killing, man/woman relationships, hurt/comfort, pov first person, language, mutual pining, gore, angst, alcohol, smoking, military terminology, sexual tension, enemies to lovers, friends to lovers, death, violence, debilitating mental thoughts, eventual smut.

Thank you for all your requests. I am making an effort to write everyday, so patience on your part is greatly appreciated. I do not want to promise an eventual deadline for completion, but will keep you guys updated.

I do not own HBO, Band of Brothers, The Pacific, or Masters of the Air, nor do I own any of the characters. I mean no disrespect toward any of the actors on this show.

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged for upcoming posts. 🏷

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A rough voice accompanied by a tap on my shoulder rouses me. I groan inwardly, squinting beneath the unremitting beam of light. My whole body is tight from lack of sleep.

“Come on, Major. Breakfast is at four-thirty. Briefing at five-fifteen.” Of course, another mission. I hate the unexpected.

A momentary frisson of annoyance runs through me as I roll onto my back, “I’m up,” I mutter, dismissing the officer until he departs and the harsh, inciped, white light weakens.

I casually position my left bicep under the pillow and close my eyes again, but I know its imperative I get to the briefing as soon as I can.

My head feels thick because of drink, still. The enticement of dancing among young women and the ability to have as many drinks as I preferred felt to congenial.

Thoughts of two nights prior flood my senses; my dance with Susan.

I liked her, particularly because of her attractive features; her dark mid-length hair and fanned out eyelashes. Her amber-flecked eyes were ones I could drown in.

Are you sure you like her, just for that matter? The thought is morose. Have you ever liked a woman for more than her features? Was I ever honest, though?

The sobering truth is inconsequential; I’d rather find a distraction and swallow back a few drinks in order to keep my mind halted for a few hours. It’s because of this war. This war. Maybe it could be temporary. War is normal now, Egan, I surmised.

I notice a few of the other men are also awake; the rustling of cotton sheets and disgruntled murmurs are familiar to me now. Our mission won’t end unless our own plane gets blown apart or we land behind German lines; the frailty or mere occurrence of either happening, few cared to discuss.

Watch it, Bucky, Buck Cleven’s voice echoed in my head. He had been staring slightly at me with his usual, calculated, appreciation that night. It’s one dance; not a lifetime. I was too drunk at the time to apprehend what he meant; if it nuanced at teasing, I couldn’t decipher it. Buck’s personality very seldom suggested humour. She might not fancy you. Not even a wry joke.

My senses felt too relaxed and obstructed by the faint stupor of the alcohol. I had responded to him anyways, telling myself I could dance with her if I wanted to, Ah, come on Buck, for once, leave the dancing to me tonight. You’re too involved with Marge to have any fun.

Cleven had watched me, indignant, grinning with easy noncompliance.

I smirk. Good old Buck. Trying to deter my persistence; the only man I know who has a picture of his girl, Marjorie, in his left breast-pocket. Keeps her photo on the dash of his B-17. The only man who decides to dance with Meatball when he could be waltzing with some American Red Cross woman.

Cleven was like that; polished, a man of integrity, one who kept his word. A reliable friend. A friend more than a mere acquaintance.

9 notes · View notes

angievores · 2 years

Text

Is Vegas Pete going in background?

I'm sorry guys but PETE was acting really SUSPICIOUS when he stopped Porsche from checking when tawan appears.

Or this is what lack of my satanic Vegas did to me.

First of all,how did tawan manage to appear in main house? Useless bodyguards! For sure it was Vegas plan or could be papa korn plan. Mole seems to be on high rank to execute this. They don't bother to check cctv Or was there none.

Now it's been 50 seconds since Pete is gone but comes back just 7seconds after Porsche says"there" in normal sound. Like he was already there listening him. When Porsche was going to check, he seems to come running, and just grabs him ,porshe look back,tawan disappear.But he looks so so worried(why? Look at his expression). Or Maybe he was on his way back to get porsche, heard him, got worried some situation happened,came running and grabs him to ask.

But after this when porsche says he saw someone but Pete saw no one. But Shouldn't he at least check as bodyguard instead he says this.

now why he looked worried when he was casual about porsche finding something in compound. He grabs him again and kinda tried to drag him inside. He grabs him many times and repeat to go inside 3 times.

When He saw him checking again ,he repeats to get back inside again. Doesn't it feels like he was forcing him to go inside. If not for him, porsche would have definitely checked. If his bestie was this suspicious, shouldn't he try to believe him and check for him at least once, instead he completely disregards him. They are bodyguards, their job is getting suspicious and assuring security.

maybe he was listening to porsche and giggling as he was his bestie (he definitely knows but pretends as kinn asked him in the room"have you got a problem?" and porsche is his bestie. I can further proove it if anyone have doubt) but then heard him, comes to check and finds no one ,doesn't bother to check further as he is casual,so gets porsche inside as he is a rule follower.(I don't believe this fully).

But I also don't believe he is a mole. In fact he can't be. Did Vegas did something to him that night? Does he blackmail him? Did showmakers changed something about them? Is there any other plot twist? I just don't understand.

Also, what was the meaning of this scene? It's related to some foreshadowing with Vegas right?Did he just met vegas?

Edit- Also Pete is the one who made porsche search kinn room and ultimately find about tawan. He doesn't let him ask kinn personally and the idea of kinn boytoy stalking them was also incorporated by him. (Pete what are you trying to do?)

Also why this shot looks like Pete is getting murdered?why is this liquid here? Does it have any significance? I'm asking this as they plan every shot carefully.It's very different from big and porsche shot. And this was just before Vegas comes.

Is something going between Vegas and Pete in background? But I really don't think he could be a mole. That would be very bad for later plot development as how would he go back to main house. Maybe tawan coming back is planned by papa korn and Pete follows orders. (This I wanna believe)

But then why Vegas is quite? How would porsche hate Vegas? What information will Pete find to send to kinn while intruding his room? What about the plot about mole?

My head is spinning.

Maybe papa korn and Vegas are partners in crime.

Please suggest your opinions.

Edit- one thing I am sure of is that he isn't a mole.That would be character destruction. I think there is some another twist.

#kinnporsche #kinnporsche the series #vegaspete #pete kinnporsche #kinnporsche meta #papa korn

68 notes · View notes

cha-melodius · 1 year

Note

Hi*

So I love your writing, and I've had this idea knocking around in my head that I wanted to suggest to you since I had a massage last November (ironically enough, the same day that I started writing my first TMFU fic). I had another massage today, reminding me to send you this idea.

So basically, the idea is Illya is a massage therapist, and Solo is his client/patient. Solo is an ambulatory wheelchair user (like an incomplete spinal cord injury), but due to pain in his back, he is having more bad days than average or good days, so he's using his wheelchair more often than before.

Waverly is his doctor and suggests that he should try getting massages to help manage/reduce Solo's pain. Solo is resistant to the idea but after a few months and several appointments where Waverly suggests he gives it ago he mentions it to Gaby and Gaby is like:

Wait I know a guy, you should totally give it a go. You've been miserable and in pain for months, what's the worst that can happen?

Solo begrudgingly agrees to one session to get her to stop nagging him about it. From the first session, it was incredible. He feels better, so he agrees to another appointment. As the months go by, he starts to feel better, his back pain has been reduced, and he has more good days again. He can start using his other mobility devices like crutches and canes again.

There's obviously the obligatory bumping into each other in public (maybe it's in public that Illya sees Solo using crutches for the first time, so he doesn't notice Solo at first and realises for the first time how tall Solo is, obviously not as tall as Illya but taller than the average dude). Both falling for each other and mutual pining for each other, thinking that the other isn't interested and that their feelings are born from the intimate nature of the massages (also imagine Illya's mortification at falling for one of his patients/clients.)

Then the whole kissing and Illya having to hand Solo's case over to another (not as good) massage therapist, but that's not a big deal when Illya can give him a massage whenever.

*I'm using my laptop for once, and the keyboard is fucked, so please excuse the extra 'e' or absence of 'e' that I have overlooked.

Hey anon, thanks for sending this in! These types of AUs have SO much potential for mutual pining, which is always excellent, because the of the forbidden nature of the relationship.

I imagine that Illya is an exceptional masseuse but he, shall we say, is lacking in the bedside manor department, lol. He's gruff and prickly; clients will try to chit-chat and he just barely responds (or doesn't at all). Of course, this just makes Napoleon want to talk to him more. I also always see Napoleon as an incorrigible flirt, and though I think he'd try to tone it down some given the circumstances, he also can't help himself (not anything suggestive, but stuff that's more harmless). Of course then Illya gets into the massage and renders him speechless. 😂

I think it would take a while for Illya to start opening up a bit, because he absolutely doesn't have personal relationships of any kind with his clients. Maybe when they bump into each other, Napoleon offers to buy him a coffee or something and Illya tries to refuse, but eventually Napoleon convinces him to accept it and they end up sitting in the coffee shop and talking far more than they ever have before.

I feel like Illya would hand off the case earlier than anything really happening because of the conflict of his feelings, but that actually has great potential for angst because Napoleon is upset that Illya's "breaking up" with him as a client, and they don't see each other for a little while.

Lots of great potential here, anon! Thanks for sharing!

#tmfu #napollya #tmfu aus #napoleon x illya #napoleon solo #illya kuryakin #the man from uncle #the man from u.n.c.l.e.#headcanons and aus #asks and answer

8 notes · View notes

becomingbts · 2 years

Text

Find a Way (16)

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Type: angst-fluff-supernatural-series

Warning(s): deals with suicide and death. If you’re not comfortable with that subject, I suggest you don’t read it. Supernatural au.

12.6k

Summary: “If you accept, you’ll go back in time each time you’ll fail.” “I don’t care, I’ll save her no matter what.”

In 2011, he left everything behind so that he could follow his dreams. Yet, he also left his best friend, the one who supported him to go to the auditions, the one who cheered for him, the one who brought him banana milk when he felt down, but also the one who killed herself a day before he finally came back home.

Notes: HI HI HI!!! I’m excited about this chapter and I'm SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO UPDATE IT! But to be fair, it’s longer than I’m usually writing for this series, and the epilogue should be up next week (already done, just need yo proofread)! We are one chapter away from the end, this is weird for me to close this series as it’s one of the first I started here. I hope you enjoyed it despite my lack of frequent updates, the ending is coming !! I hope you’ll like it, please leave a comment if you have time!! It always feels awesome to see what you guys thought of it ! Let’s get into this long-ass chapter!

Admin Dolly

Chapter 15 - here - Epilogue

No.

No, no, no, no, no.

This wasn't possible, how could it be?

She was safe, she told him that they would "maybe" see each other, she even texted him! She couldn't have ended her life again, right?

...Right?

Jungkook pulled his hair, mentally screaming. He, for sure, wasn't expecting it all. Why? Why the hell would she do it again after everything? If he could go back to the previous timeline, he would go back to her car with her, make sure she'd reach home safely and-

"Jungkook? Is something wrong? You've been screaming!" Taehyung and Seokjin shouted worried as they came in without knocking, clearly too panicked to think of anything. Jungkook blinked uneasy; he had not realized that what he had believed to be doing mentally had actually been very real. Jungkook had yelled quite loudly, worrying his members.

"Ah- just... Just a nightmare, I'm sorry for worrying you guys." Jungkook sighed, still confused and disoriented.

"Do.. you want to talk about it?" Seokjin offered, smiling soothingly. He knew that Jungkook didn't like to talk about things like that, but he still tried. If they always let him with his thoughts, who knows how overwhelmed he could get, just like what happened right now?

"It's okay hyung, I'll get over it, thank you for asking though." Jungkook tried to shake himself awake. A thought crossed his mind and he started sweating at the idea. What if whatever he tried, she'd still end up killing herself? Could it be possible that the result might never be altered? Could he force someone to stay alive when they didn't want to? Maybe he couldn't prevent her death, after all, maybe he didn't have any escape. How could he have believed that he was enough to save a life?

"Whatever's wrong, don't let it eat you, hm? You've been pretty tense the last few days. You know you can share your concerns with any of us if they are too much, or do something to deal with them." Seokjin closed the door while Jungkook snorted quietly. Deal with them, he said. Easier said than done, Jungkook had been trying to deal with it for quite a while and he had not been very successful up until then...

However, one detail made Jungkook click his tongue, confused. Tilting his head, he wondered: did Seokjin just say that he had been looking tense the last few days? Jungkook didn't remember feeling tense, actually, hadn't he been pretty excited to go on that trip with Jimin? Would it be because ...

Could it be...?

Something actually made sense in Jungkook's mind. He didn't understand why timelines could have differences, but it was actually because he never started the day the same way, if the very beginning of a timeline had already differences from the previous one, it was only logical that some differences during the day were to be found. In this timeline, Jungkook was always dreaming of the other ones. Hence, in the phone call with Seokjin some timelines ago, the latter told him that he went to sleep early. That was because Jungkook had been sleeping and dreaming from the ongoing timeline. However, now, after a few timelines, it meant that he must have been dreaming from the timelines 4 nights straight since it was his fifth attempt, even though from his point of view, he never did. It made sense for Seokjin to think that he had been tense the last few days since he had been sleeping through the timelines. But wouldn't that also mean that-

"Oh shit-" if he was sleeping the entire time, did this mean that it was actually possible that he woke up the 30th and not the 29th? Wouldn't it be possible that he dreamed of the fourth timeline and that he actually broke the loop, waking up from the 29th?

Phone.

Where the fuck was his phone when he needed it, he needed to check the date right now.

"Seokjin-hyung! Can you tell me the date, please?" Jungkook yelled, hoping that his beloved hyung would tell him that it was the 30th-

"The 29th of April, why?" Seokjin yelled back. Jungkook froze. He really came back. No other possibilities now, (Y/N) really killed herself again. But... Why?

"Jungkook?" Seokjin knocked at his door, worried again.

"Ah it's okay, I was feeling disoriented, I didn't know if it was today that we were leaving with Jimin-hyung," Jungkook mumbled, not wanting to face anyone right now after his sudden disappointment.

"Ah, I see, we'll get ready though! You're going tomorrow! I'm sure this will clear your head!" He could imagine Seokjin smiling from behind the door, trying to lift Jungkook's mood up again. He couldn't feel more grateful to Seokjin, yet he didn't really have the time to dwell on it. He had to find a backup plan.

Jungkook actually never imagined that he would be living another timeline after meeting (Y/N). He thought that he would find the right words and at least prevent her from acting on whatever had been on her mind. And he was so sure of it last night! Well, technically not last night, but the result was the same. He had been so sure that she would be fine, or at least well enough not to end it all... And yet she did.

She did, and it confused him.

What could he do now? If he called, he wouldn't have an answer, or would he? She didn't answer in the other timelines, and even though he still remembered her number, why would she suddenly answer now? Would anything be different?

He sighed, unmotivated.

Should he wait for her at the hospital-

Wait, did (Y/N)'s sister already take her plane? The flight was around 11 am if he remembered well. Checking his phone, Jungkook noticed that it was around 9 am. Would that still be possible for him to somehow intercept her before she went on the plane? It would make her and her class arrives late in Korea but maybe it was possible.

Yet, problem. He didn't have (Y/N)'s sister's number. Should he try to contact (Y/N), telling her to tell her sister not to take her flight? This seemed completely stupid to do. How would (Y/N) react to hearing Jeon Jungkook, the 'friend' that left her years ago, telling her that she should call her sister to not take her flight otherwise she'll die? He was back to square one on their relationship, he needed to consider how his words might be perceived.

She probably wouldn't even listen to him, he would be surprised if she did. He sighed, frustrated with the situation. Why did everything have to be that complicated? He just wanted to save his friend, was that so wrong? Why did it look like everything and everyone were teaming up to prevent him from succeeding?

Was there a way to save both sisters?

Oh.

Oh, maybe he had an idea. Taking his phone, he looked at his screen, before pressing down the buttons.

He knew that what he was doing wasn't really good, but at least it would block the whole airport. He didn't really have another choice and his mind had chosen to focus on the only solution that came to him.

Did Jeon Jungkook just call the emergency number of the airport in Paris saying that he saw someone with a gun at the boarding Gate B1?

...

Yes... Yes, he did.

Did the airport stop the boarding just in order to be sure that it wasn't a prank?

...

Yes... they did... Jungkook had been checking the airport website since he called and the warning information got updated a few minutes ago.

Was (Y/N)'s sister safe? That was something that he couldn't be sure about and it stressed him so fucking much. Jungkook had tried to find out when her plane was supposed to take off, looking at all departure times for Seoul from Paris. There was only one plane that had already left today, really early in the morning so, with a little bit of luck, which he used to have even if he seemed to have run out of it lately, a school-organized trip would not book tickets for a flight at 4 am, right?

Or at least, he really hoped so because, as much as he didn't want to think of it, the probability that she was in that plane wasn't near to 0 and it didn't comfort him. His idea was probably his last chance, he didn't know what he could do if it didn't work. If (Y/N)'s sister had already left, it would mean that the same scenario would unfold he couldn't bear it. What would happen if-

No, he shouldn't think that way. He needed to find a way to know if (Y/N)'s sister had already boarded and had already left. That was his main priority.

Musing over the problem, Jungkook thought of something. It might not work, but it was better to try than to stay here without a clue of what was happening. He suddenly got up, climbed down the stairs before grabbing Jimin's phone, under his sleepy and confused eyes.

"Jungkook what are you suddenly doing? Why do you need my phone?" Jimin's morning voice was met with Jungkook's chuckle, even though he did not really have the time for that. It felt good to be in such a normal situation after everything that happened to him, Jungkook found himself wishing for everything to stop once again, but he wouldn't stop trying to save his best friend. He wouldn't leave her again, not when he promised that he wouldn't.

"Don't worry hyung! I'll give it back in a minute!" Jungkook ran back into his room, opened the Kakaotalk app, and entered (Y/N)'s number while he changed Jimin's setting, changing his profile name and picture to make it unknown, and texted (Y/N).

To be fair, Jungkook knew that even if he had used his own phone to message her instead, there was no way for (Y/N) to find out that it was Jungkook messaging but he still felt paranoid enough to use someone else's phone, just in case. It was ridiculous though, as he had changed his number quite a few times, and there was no rational way for (Y/N) to find out that it was Jungkook's number. But he couldn't help it, freaking out over the fact that maybe, just maybe, she would somehow find out that it was him.

Y/N, it's me. My phone died I'm sorry, I hope that I didn't scare you! I'm using the phone of a friend of mine!

Was Jungkook's last idea to message (Y/N) pretending to be her sister?

Maybe.

Jungkook seriously prayed that (Y/N) wouldn't find it sketchy. There could be a lot of hints for her to find out that it wasn't her sister messaging, for example, what if they were already messaging? Or what if they were calling? His idea would then be useless, he knew that (Y/N) would not tell anyone anything about her sister without a good reason, and even though Jungkook's reason was more than just good, he couldn't really explain everything without sounding crazy. He, himself, wouldn't believe anyone with the same story.

He received a reply in less than a few seconds, it made him smile deeply. Jungkook should have known that her answer would be quick; she treasured her little sister like a diamond, and whether or not his text seemed weird, she probably brushed it off to make sure that her sister was okay.

Yah! You shouldn't text when you're on the plane! It could be dangerous! Only a few hours before you land anyway!! I can't wait to see you again!

Jungkook's smile disappeared quickly.

Fuc*

Her plane had already left.

______________________________________________________

Jungkook had now only one thing left to do: go to the hospital where he knew he'd find (Y/N). What he didn't know, though, was the kind of reaction he would be faced with once she would understand that her sister was no longer here, and it frightened him.

Jungkook sighed heavily. The thought never fully registered in his brain up until now, but the sudden realization made him sick.

Kids were about to die in a plane. It almost never happens, why did it have to be a plane full of children? They still had their lives ahead of them, how fair could that be?

He tried to dismiss the thought, he had to find (Y/N), there was no way to save them, he should focus on who would be left behind ... But still. It felt sickening, knowing that he couldn't do anything. Children were about to die and nothing could be done to change that.

Jungkook swallowed his tears, praying for some to survive. Heading to the hospital wouldn't be that hard, finding (Y/N) would probably be another question, but the state in which he might find her was a complete blurry point. He couldn't do much more than try to be here for her if she allowed him to.

Yet, one question plagued his mind. How was he going to explain that he already knew about the crash? Should he play dumb, tell her that he was here for a simple check-up and didn't know the situation she was in? Maybe. That would actually be his safest choice, because, telling her the truth wouldn't be a good idea. She was going to either think he was crazy or beat the shit out of him for coming to her only because he thought that she needed help. Her pride would probably not let him through and she'd be less than welcoming in that situation. In other possible scenarios, he could also say that he heard of it, but how? If he remembered correctly, the media related the information only the next day, it would sound fishy anyway and she'd end up feeling that he was lying. Dead end again. As much as he wanted to come clean and tell her everything, the safest solution was to tell her that he was here for himself.

Yeah, he would do that.

It was for the best anyway. A little white lie hoping that it wouldn't cause more damage.

______________________________________________________

Every single person, be it a medical staff or a regular patient, had at least glanced in his direction. He knew he looked fishy in the lobby of the hospital, sitting alone, phone in hand, covered from head to toe in order to stay unknown. He knew, but did he really have another choice?

Jungkook could clearly remember how it went for him in the latest timeline where he got recognized by fans, and it didn't really end well for him, hence why he took some precautions this time. Avoiding any more problematic situations than the ones he already had had to deal with could be a good idea.

Good job Jungkook.

He didn't need a new problem to deal with right now, he was trying to stay focused on (Y/N) and that was already a big deal. His life was eventful enough and his mind was crowded with enough dark thoughts. It had to stop. For his own sanity. Who knew that it would be so hard to keep going mentally speaking? Ignoring the fact that he knew that children were already dead, ignoring the fact that families would be devastated, it was manageable as long as he didn't have to face the actual disaster that those losses left behind. He would, for the second time, have to be in front of the result of it all again; the hopeless features leaving room for despair in someone's eyes as they understand that they lost a loved one. Jungkook sighed again. He had to clear his mind, he couldn't think of it. He had to stay focused, to keep going despite everything. He had to be there for (Y/N).

Jungkook checked the time again. If he had calculated well, she shouldn't be too far from the hospital anymore, it would only be a matter of minutes before her arrival and it made him extremely nervous. He had prepared a whole speech and imagined a whole situation to unfold but let's be honest, when did things go the way he expected them to go with (Y/N)? Yeah let's not kid ourselves, Jungkook perfectly knew that his speech would probably go to waste but at least, he felt somewhat prepared.

Somewhat was the key word though.

Because he suddenly didn't feel prepared at all anymore when he recognized her, barging into the hospital, frantically calling her sister's name. Jungkook felt his heartbreak when he saw her. He had known that this moment wouldn't be easy to watch but he didn't think that he would face such heartbreaking features.

He couldn't really focus on the fact that she still was as beautiful as he remembered her to be, if not more as her baby cheeks had disappeared. She had grown into a gorgeous woman. He had already noticed on the bridge, yet her yells and panicked state had not left much room for Jungkook to think about it. However, he was suddenly brought back to reality as her voice pierced through the lobby.

She looked desperate.

Jungkook's voice got stuck in his throat as he heard the answers of the doctors. He watched them gulping before carefully taking her hands into theirs, telling her that her sister had died in the crash and that when her body had been found, there had been no life to save anymore. They couldn't have done anything, she had already passed away when they found her.

(Y/N) got even paler than she had already been when she barged into the hospital. Jungkook watched her features fall as her world crashed down. She stuttered, pleading for them to stop joking, quietly telling them that it wasn't funny. It couldn't be true, could it? Her sister told her that they would quickly see each other. They had so much to speak about, she told her that she took many pictures for them to print together. That couldn't be true, they had so much to do together.

Together.

"Some of her belongings didn't burn in the plane, if you'd like, you could be able to have it bac-"

"Where is my sister." Her broken voice got Jungkook to walk toward her. He couldn't stand this scene anymore, he couldn't watch her get hurt like that without doing anything. God, he preferred the timeline where she screamed at him so much more than this one. Seeing her break down like that felt like watching her mentally die in front of him, and he couldn't stand it.

"We just told you that-"

"I'm not looking for her belongings, what don't you understand? I want my sister back." Her voice got louder at the end and the doctors winced at her tone.

"Miss, we understand that such a loss is hard to go through, we can give you numbers of good psychologists if you'd like to-"

"I don't need a psychologist, I want my sister, quit playing and tell me her room. She survived, she told me she was coming back, she tol-"

"Miss you have to stop. It's hard but you have to accept i-"

"I HAVE NOTHING TO ACCEPT!" Jungkook stopped moving as he noticed her tears falling down.

"It can't be true. It has to be a nightmare." She wasn't listening to anyone anymore, the doctors were trying to calm her down but in vain. She was having a panic attack and Jungkook could spot it from kilometers away. Since when did (Y/N) have panic attacks? It didn't match with the remaining memories of her from their childhood, so what happened? Maybe it was her first, triggered by her sister's death? He didn't really have time to dwell on that, but he made a note to ask her if he ever found the moment to do it. However, at that right moment, Jungkook rushed to her side, clearly knowing that it could end up being the worst idea that he ever had from the very beginning, but he couldn't watch her suffer anymore, he had to make it stop. He tried to catch her as he saw her knees crumbling under her weight, giving up as her mind stopped listening to the world.

"Hey, hey, hey (Y/N), (Y/N) look at me, please breathe, in and out, please take a deep breath with me," he took her hand, and put it on his chest trying to make her come back to reality, she had to breath. Maybe feeling him breathing would make her try to match his rhythm, "try to follow the rhythm (Y/N) come on, you can do it, breath with me." Her first breaths were irregular and swallowed hard, almost choking in the process but Jungkook rubbed encouraging circles on her back, telling her that she was doing well and that she just had to continue.

"Come on (Y/N), in and out, there you go, it's better already, again, in and out. Good, you're doing it again, look at me, can you see or hear me?" He realized that she must have lost track of where she had been as her eyes met his. After all, where could she be to be meeting with Jeon Jungkook so suddenly? What happened between her last memories and the moment when Jeon Jungkook appeared in front of her?

"J-Jun-Jungkook?" Her stutter almost broke him but he had to hang on for her, he had to.

"We'll talk about us and what I'm doing here later, please focus on breathing (Y/N), focus, it's okay. I've got you, doctors are here if you want me to disappear afterward. I'll follow your wish but for now, breathe please." He tried to soothe her down, to melt her worries away as best as he could. He knew he really couldn't really do much more. She lost her sister, how pretentious of him would it be to think that he could help her overcome the loss of her beloved and treasured sister? He wasn't stupid, he knew that he wouldn't be able to take all the pain away, however, he would try his damn best because he would never leave her like that. He wanted her to be okay, at least. He didn't know if she would ever be completely ok again after everything, but she had to calm down, to be conscious enough to take care of herself before sending him away.

"W-What are you doing here," she whispered against his neck as he held her close.

"You're going to think that I'm crazy if I tell you." Shit, what did he just say? Where did his cover go? Wasn't he supposed to find something possible? Not explain the whole truth?

"It can't be worse t-than this," he heard her broken chuckle and he wanted to cry for her. Did she truly have to feel that pain?

"Breath (Y/N), nothing is fine, I know, but you have to breathe at least, I'll tell you everything when you'll feel better ok?" He tried to keep her close to him, feeling her breathing getting more regular while she nodded against his chest.

As wrong as it was, it felt right. Her being this close to him, hands going through her hair and rubbing comforting patterns on her back, he had wanted this years ago already. He had wished for a future with (Y/N), his best friend, his first love, his everything.

She had been his anchor, his rock, his motivation. She had been there to let him cry, to rant with him about people that bothered them, to laugh with him. She had been there for everything. Until he threw this future away. He could have tried harder, screw that, he should have tried harder. How could he so easily say that she had been his everything while he had thrown every chance he had to stay by her side in an instant? He should have made different choices, he knew that already. That had never been a question. Deep down, he had always known that what he had done was despicable, he had protected himself from someone he loved and cherished, hurting her and disregarding her feelings in the process. How could he even say that she was his first love when he hurt her so easily?

Jungkook remembered how fascinated he was by her. She had everything; she was breathtaking, and talented in everything she tried, even though it wasn't always perfect, she always found positivity in everything she ended up trying. Her bright smile had maybe been what made him fall head over heels for her. He wished he could make her smile this hard again.

Just him.

"Are you feeling any better?" He asked quietly, disregarding any doctor's stare. His priority was (Y/N) and nobody else.

"I guess." She whispered back, still trying to catch her breath, slowly pushing him away while she sat and faced him. Her bloodshot eyes screamed confusion, and yet, they also seemed to be empty of life. Jungkook smiled sadly, trying to remove the trail of her dried tears, thumbs slowly rubbing on her warm cheeks.

"What are y-you doing here Jungkook?" She asked again almost in a trance.

"I'll tell you, I promise, let's get you on your feet first," he stood up, wrapping an arm around her waist and taking her hand in his, lifting her up gently.

She met the concerned eyes of the doctors and Jungkook could feel how tense she became once again. And as narcissistic as it seemed to be, he wished he could just take all the pain away.

"Would you please follow us miss (L/N)?"

______________________________________________________

Jungkook had been told to wait for her outside of the examination room and as much as it didn't sit well with him, he did nothing but comply. That's how he found himself on a white chair, waiting for her outside of the doctor's office for the past 30 minutes.

He hid his face in his hand while he tried to stay calm.

This definitely was the worst timeline. Emotionally speaking, he was drained. He had trouble keeping his mind silent and he couldn't help but feel overly protective of (Y/N), afraid that anything would give her a panic attack again. Did she have one during each timeline? Alone? How could he have let this happen? The past timelines had been hard on him already and his brain was at the very edge of a breakdown. His sanity was on a thin line and Jungkook was afraid he might become the one to need help if he couldn't breathe more easily. He didn't allow his feelings to show up until now because (Y/N) needed him, and even if it was with reluctance, she had accepted his help previously. He couldn't let her down.

But he was struggling.

He became kind of acquainted with death during the past few days. Everything seemed to evolve around it and he felt himself growing anxious because of it. What would happen now? What could he do to prevent anything from happening?

And as his breath was beginning to feel heavy, Jungkook heard his ringtone set for the bangtan members. He saw Jin's name appearing on the screen, noticing that in the last timeline where Jin called, the call had been way later. It surprised him but comforted him in a way that his hyung was almost finding the right timing to call him, despite everything.

"Hey, Jin-hyung. How are you?" Jungkook's voice was strong, but also vulnerable, it made him feel so small and for a second he wondered if it wouldn't have been better not to answer.

"So first you disappear and when I call, you sound like you're about to break into pieces. Hello to you too damn, where are you? Should I come to pick you up? What's wrong Jungkook?" The comforting voice of Seokjin made him smile despite the light scolding. He knew Seokjin meant well and the concern he could hear in his voice made him feel slightly better. He had to stop lying for his sanity in this timeline. He had already given away his cover to (Y/N), he couldn't just tell her that it was a regular meet-up just after telling her she would think that he was crazy. Maybe he just needed to tell her the truth. Maybe it would help for once.

"Ah, Jin-hyung don't worry too much, I'm at the hospital right now-"

"Hospital? Jeon Jungkook what did you do, are you okay? You didn't break anything, did you? Oh my goodness, is that what they meant when they said I had to watch over the maknae line, y'all keep on getting into troubles!" Alright, maybe telling the truth without context wasn't the best idea that he got.

"No, it's not for me don't worry," he laughed quietly, almost embarrassed, "the sister old friend of mine died in a plane. I'm trying to hang on for her, but it's difficult for me, it's hard to swallow, after all, I knew them since I was a kid." Jungkook spoke softly, he was remaining evasive but still not lying. He felt relaxed and at ease with Seokjin. He should have known again. The timeline that had been the less emotionally draining had been the one when he told the boys everything. Yes, he ended up getting caught. But emotionally, he had felt supported and comforted. He had felt protected and safely surrounded.

They truly always brought out the best in him.

"Ah Jungkook, I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. It's not an idol, is it? We would have heard about it already." Jin's soothing tone made him close his eyes.

"Yeah, she's not an idol, but she could have been hyung. (Y/N) is a mesmerizing person, I'm sure you guys would love her."

"You speak so highly of her," Seokjin laughed, "how come we never heard of her before? You said she was an old friend, either she's old or it's been a while since you've known her." Jungkook hummed hearing Seokjin's question.

"She's my childhood best friend. I made the wrong choices when I left her. I thought that leaving without saying anything would be for the best, that it would hurt less with time, but the truth is, it never did. I only made selfish choices, not accepting that I wouldn't be her priority, I feared that I would end up being just a friend of her in Seoul, I was afraid that I wouldn't have time for her. Her not being my first priority seemed wrong for me at that time. I projected it on her, I think. Making myself believe that I'd become a nobody for her when in reality, I was afraid that I would be the one to do that." Jungkook came to terms with this. He noticed that his reasons for leaving quite changed since the day he told Jimin about it. He began to understand a bit better what he couldn't back then, or more precisely what he had unconsciously ignored. His motive wasn't better, neither was it that different actually, but he had cowardly hid the truth, not believing that he, himself, did that.

"I loved her a lot hyung. I think I still do, even if she probably hates my guts," Jungkook chuckled a bit, bittersweet memories wrapping up and fogging his mind.

"She probably doesn't hate you Jungkook. You should try to talk to her before putting feelings that she perhaps doesn't hold. Don't try to make a story yourself, maybe you acted wrong back then, but you became a better person. You have to act now as your better self to see what can happen from now on. If you continue to dig a grave for yourself, she probably won't try to lift you up. You have to show her that you don't want to give her up again. Maybe it will mean something to her." Jungkook blinked a few times, not expecting such a wise reply from his eldest member.

"Who knew you were that deep hyung." Jungkook chuckled as he heard Seokjin's yells through the phone. Yet as he opened his eyes again, he noticed that someone had sat next to him.

And the someone was nobody else than (Y/N).

How could Jungkook have missed the door opening and (Y/N) sitting next to him?

"H-hyung I'll call you back later, she's done with the doctor." He stuttered, face reddening as his eyes met hers.

"Try to bring her home when you can Jungkook! I want to see the lady who can make Jeon Jungkook stutter," Jungkook swore under his breath before canceling the call quickly. What could he say that would make the situation less awkward?

"I'm sorry about him, he often gets excited about n-nothing" God saves him, even he wouldn't believe one word of his pathetic attempt to save himself.

She didn't answer though, leaving him time to calm down and his worried glance trailed back to her face when he noticed a lone tear rolling down her cheek.

"My sister died," she said, voice almost breaking as the words left her mouth, too real for her liking.

"I'm so sorry for your loss (Y/N)." He took her hand in his hesitantly. He didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. "Can I ask you what happened?"

"I have a feeling that you already know exactly what happened." She eyed him suspiciously as he looked somewhere else, guiltily. "Am I wrong?"

"She died in a plane crash coming back from a school trip from Paris?" He replied, trying to hide his remorse.

"Can I ask you how you know that?" Her voice was empty of accusations. He was expecting her to be mad at him, thinking that he was a stalker or even worse, but he found none of those emotions in her voice.

"Will you believe me if I tell you?" He softly answered, rubbing his thumb on her hand.

"Well, I can't promise anything if you don't tell me, anyway." Jungkook's eyes met (Y/N)'s ones, trying to figure out if she meant it.

"5 days ago, I've been told that you killed yourself." Her previously empty eyes suddenly showed life, growing surprised as her eyebrows furrowed. " I went to Busan with one of my band members since we had a short vacation. I wanted to show him my childhood home, taking advantage of the break. I went to the restaurant we always went to when we were children but Halmeonie threw both of us out, yelling at me, asking me how I could come back after what happened. It was the 30th of April."

"But we are the 29th, and I'm definitely not the dead one..." She asked, confused.

"(Y/N), as much as it seems to be completely made up, I've been stuck in a loop for 5 days. Each time I wake up, we are back to the 29th of April, today. Each time I wake up, it's because I haven't been able to save you, because you died." His eyes focused on her hand which was suddenly tightly gripping his. "I know it sounds completely stupid, probably impossible, I thought it was too. But when I was in front of your ... In front of your g-grave, a weird thing told me that I could go back in time to change my mistakes but that I couldn't fail because I wouldn't leave the loop if I didn't find you and prevent you from ... " He couldn't finish his sentence. His voice got stuck again. He tried to gulp and to continue but his voice broke ever so slightly. "And please don't believe that I think that you're weak, or anything. I do know that you're one of the strongest people that I know and I'd be damned to think otherwise. But when I was met with this cruel reality where you weren't breathing anymore, I couldn't take it. I would have done anything to bring you back, hence why we're here today. And I'm sorry if it sounds selfish, maybe you would have suffered less if I just let things happen, maybe I'm horrible to make you live through this pain, but I couldn't bear to not do anything, knowing that I maybe could do something to prevent this... Terrible outcome to unfold. It was me who texted you this morning from the "friend's phone". I called the airport in Paris, I told them that I saw someone with a gun in the boarding and they stopped the boarding of the planes. I thought that maybe I could save your sister too. But her plane had already left, I couldn't know if she had taken the plane at 4 am or the one that got canceled because of me. So I texted you and when I read that she was supposed to be in Korea in a few hours, I knew that I lost. I couldn't save your sister. I'm so sorry (Y/N), if the loop had begun a few hours before, I would have been able to stop her plane but I couldn't. I couldn't because I always woke up at the same time and it was already too late, I couldn't do anything. And I feel so shitty because not only your sister but her whole class died and fuck that shit. Those kinds of crashes almost never happen but it had to be a plane full of children! Full of teenagers! I hate myself so much for knowing that I could have done something but in the end, I couldn't! I was so fucking useless and I hate it!" He had trouble breathing again, and he couldn't find it in himself to lift his gaze. He couldn't meet her eyes when he had failed miserably. "And when I saw you in the lobby, having a panic attack, I thought since when does (Y/N) have panic attacks? Jungkook how would you know? You left her years ago because your selfish ass couldn't handle the distance. I feel miserable (Y/N), I want to help you, and I'll understand if you tell me to fuck off, I abandoned you. Your sister was right from the beginning. I ended up hurting you but I couldn't stay and be the best friend I promised I would be. I'm so sorry if right now you'd prefer not living this with me, or if you'd prefer never seeing my face again, I'd understand. I deserve it. I just-" he stopped talking when he felt her arm around him, hugging him gently.

What the hell was happening?

"Thank you for trying to save her." She had whispered against him, leaving no room for anybody else to hear it but him. "It means a lot that you tried, thank you for undergoing all of that just for me." And as Jungkook noticed that she was crying, his tears began to flow and he couldn't stop. He whined almost like a child, but she held him close, just as he was holding her close as he felt her silent tears dropping against his neck.

"I'm so sorry (Y/N). I wish I c-could have done something," he hiccuped against her shoulder, seeking her warmth. Jungkook felt that she tried to answer but in vain, probably caught up in her own emotions. Out of all the possible scenarios that he had imagined, this one had never been one of them.

"I-I know that I'll never soothe your pain away, your sister was your whole world. But please stay a-alive, she wouldn't want you sad, she would like you to never forget her and continue to live. So please, e-even if I'm not part of your life, please, please live. Please find happiness again." He muttered, still shaken by his cry. His voice broke a little but he refused to let this silence him, he had a lot to say. "You deserve the world (Y/N). Please, don't g-give up."

"Just... Please. Live for your sister. She'd want nothing but for you to live on."

______________________________________________________

The cold wind was definitely harsh as they came out of the building, but Jungkook could feel himself breath again. His throat was burning and his cheeks were stained with the trail of his tears. Walking by his side, (Y/N) wasn't really doing any better. She looked paler than him, with arms wrapped around her as the wind made her shiver. People who were walking in front of them probably thought that they were miserable, perhaps they even looked like they just had a fight.

If only they knew.

The silence wasn't something that he was used to with (Y/N) but who could blame them? Such a situation was also a first for both of them, a lot to take in for (Y/N) and a lot to swallow for Jungkook. He felt way lighter than before but it didn't soothe his guilt away. He was almost waiting for the moment when (Y/N) would tell him to leave and to never show up again. And yet it had still not happened.

To be honest, Jungkook didn't know if it was comforting him or if it was even more stressful since it could happen at any moment. He couldn't meet her gaze; he didn't know if she was looking at him or looking at the ground, or ahead of them... He didn't want to know if he were to be honest.

"How... do you believe me? I don't mean that in any negative way, but I don't understand..." He asked, whispering quietly. Jungkook didn't know if he should be grateful that she trusted him enough to believe .... his impossible story, or just baffled by her trust. He wouldn't have believed her if she had told him such a story. Who would, after all?

"What do you mean?" she asked back, barely audible because of the wind.

"I mean... Don't take me wrong, I'm really glad that you believe me, but the whole thing is... It took me a while to believe it myself, it sounded completely impossible, and I must have sounded crazy with such a story to tell so... Why, after everything that I did to you? You didn't even ask any questions, instead you just... Thanked me?" Jungkook was confused. Relieved in a way, but highly confused. How could she believe him? He couldn't prove any of this; he had no tangible documents proving that whatever he was saying was the truth. So how could she believe his words so effortlessly?

"Would you really make up such a lie? Why would you even try to do that?" Their eyes met and Jungkook forgot how to breathe for a good second. It was true, he would have never lied about something related to her sister's death. He might have been an asshole to her, but never would he do that. She saw the recognition in his eyes and she tried to smile even if it didn't reach her eyes. "You're still you even after everything that happened Jungkook. There are a lot of things that I thought you would never do and yet you actually did them so, in a way, it should perhaps freak me out, but... Even if I don't think I can say that I know you and that you changed a lot... I know that despite everything, you wouldn't do that." She looked at him as if she knew that she was right. She wouldn't believe that he lied. However, he still winced when she mentioned the fact that he changed and that she probably didn't know him anymore. It hurt, but what was he expecting? It was already impressive enough that she believed him, so he couldn't really complain about that. He was thankful enough for her to believe him. "Why? Should I be concerned? Are you actually lying?" He suddenly panicked as he heard those words leaving her mouth.

"N-no!" Maybe he was too loud and a bit too strong in his denial because everyone had turned around to see who shouted in public. "I... I would never." He quietly ended, trying to ignore the stares and make himself small, hoping that he could disappear if he tried hard enough.

"See? We might have become strangers, but I still know that about you." Strangers. Was it really everything that was left of them? They were everything but strangers, weren't they?

"Are we strangers, though?" He couldn't help himself, he had to ask her. And even if he had wanted to keep that for himself, the words had already escaped him. He had already blurred it out.

"I believe that it's safe to consider us strangers than anything else, really." Her smile dropped after his question. Yes, she believed him, but it didn't erase what he did. "And, not to be mean or anything but... I have a lot going on in case you didn't notice, and it's kind of more important to me than what is left of our relationship." It hurt to hear it from her. It hurt and Jungkook wasn't sure that he would be able to keep his tears at bay for a long time, but he had to try, because it was only the truth. What he did and what happened was on him, but she had other things to think about right now. Could he blame her for saying so? After all, his main goal was not to be forgiven but to help her through what was happening, even if it broke him to hear those words.

"I know. I'm not here to be forgiven. I... I don't believe that I deserve your forgiveness, to be honest. I just... couldn't let it happen. I-If you need me, which I doubt but still, I'm here. Be it financially or anything, please I'd do anything, not for forgiveness but for you. I don't want you to be alone in that situation." His words should have been appreciated but they did nothing but anger her. Who did he think he was to just assume that she was alone? She didn't need him, she had lived just fine without him for the past few years. Why would she suddenly be alone? Just because he left? Did he think so highly of himself? She could have a boyfriend, a girlfriend, or be a mother... It's not like he would know what she did and what happened to her anyway. Did he think that while he left, he took everything from her? Was his ego that big now that he was an idol?

"Who told you I was alone? I have someone in my life." Her cold tone made him stop in his tracks.

She what now?

"I don't mean to annoy you but... Where is that person then? Why did you give up in my first timeline if you have many people?" He stopped for a few seconds before frowning, "actually no. You're right, you have a lot of people by your side. Halmeonie was crying so much (Y/N), I don't understand what made you believe that you could leave everything behind so easily. What were you even thinking?" He couldn't understand. Why would she leave when people loved her? His heart broke a little bit more when she said that she had someone, but it wasn't the actual subject. If it was true, then why didn't she go home crying to them? If she loved that person so dearly, why would she commit suicide? It pained Jungkook to even imagine her in someone else's arms but damn! If she truly had someone why did she do something like that?

"How dare you!" Jungkook jumped a bit, not expecting her to suddenly shout at him. "How dare you after what you did? Do you have any idea of what I went through, of who I became, of what I did to be here? You don't, you don't fucking know anything, so you stay in your lane and you shut the fuck up, you're no one to give me such a speech! 'How could you leave everything behind?' Doesn't it sound like something you'd do? You don't have any idea of who I am, if I have indeed people around me or not, I could be a mother, you wouldn't even know. It's not like you cared once you left, you don't understand what the fuck is happening to me, do you? You're asking me if I need money? Do you really fucking think that money can replace my precious sister? Do you have any idea of what you are saying? Fuck you, Jeon! You're mixing everything together and it's seriously getting on my nerves, like... Fuck, if you just came to say that to me, leave! I continued living after you left! My whole world was not crushed, I got back on my feet and fought for myself! What is happening to me right now is my world being crushed! You have no fucking idea of what I'm going through right now!" And even if Jungkook wanted to retaliate directly, something caught his attention first. They were in front of the dreaded place; exactly where he left (Y/N) in the previous timeline. God, he fucked up again, not only regarding her but also looking at where they were heading. He didn't even notice that they had taken that direction. But hell, why did he never have good words with her? It looked like he only messed up when he couldn't afford it.

"Please (Y/N), we both know that's not what I meant-"

"No I don't! Enlighten me!" She was screaming at him and as much as he hated the fact that it was making people curious about what was happening, he had other priorities. First, get (Y/N) somewhere else, second, calm her down (if he could).

"Yes, I know nothing, you're right! I'm sorry if I sounded like I knew everything about you, I'm an asshole that never finds the good words, but I promise that I didn't mean it that way. Please, let's just get out of here, we need to-" as he tried to take her hand so that they could leave, she dodged his hand, looking at him clearly angry at him.

"Who the hell do you think you are Jeon?"

"It's the bridge where it happened (Y/N) please, just fucking please, scream at me if you want, but can we just leave this place?" He screamed right back at her, trying to get her attention and it seemed to have worked since she was left silent. However she looked pretty pale and her breath was uneven, much like his. They had to go somewhere else, anywhere really, just far away from that damn bridge.

"Please. I can't get the memories out of my head. I- Can we go somewhere else, please..." He was desperate, his eyes falling on the ground as he pleaded with her. She surprisingly quietly nodded and didn't say much when his pinky linked with hers, just to make sure that she was following. He noticed the similarities between this timeline and the previous one. They had left each other around the same time. This timeline, however, Jungkook would remain with her and make sure nothing happened to her. Weirdly enough though, Jungkook didn't seem to have the situation in his hands. It seemed like whatever he would do, he'd find (Y/N) near that bridge at that time and as much as it didn't set well with him, he had no choice but to obey whatever that was trying to get them here. Yet, he wouldn't let it happen. No, he wouldn't.

"S-slow down, Jungkook." He felt like an imbecile, he hadn't even checked if she was alright. He was so focused on himself that he didn't even check on her. Nevertheless, it had obviously shaken her up to know that it was where she had apparently given up. He wasn't the only one concerned in this story. He couldn't always think of himself.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, intertwining their fingers, trying to be as gentle as he could. He tried to soothingly rub circles on her hand and he got distracted from his crowded mind for a bit. He noticed the red light in front of them, both stopping as they waited for it to turn green again. Jungkook couldn't meet her eyes, he felt so many feelings twirling inside of himself. Relief, uneasiness, fear, sadness, anger, shame, hatred. He couldn't distinguish everything but it felt overwhelming to feel so many different emotions raging inside his head. He just wanted to burst into tears and let go.

Yet, it didn't take him more than a second to hear (Y/N)'s distressed yell as he felt their hands being separated by someone who just walked in between them, pushing (Y/N) on the pedestrian crossing while a car was quickly coming in their way.

"(Y/N)!" Jungkook panicked but he reacted fast, rushing near her, taking her hand, and harshly pulling her to him, both of them terrified. Jungkook hit his head against the ground as they landed together on the sidewalk while the car continued without even slowing down, only honking a few times but leaving as quickly as it came. He couldn't see nor had the time to try to save the person that had bumped into (Y/N) even though it was their fault if the whole situation had happened, he could only pray for them to be alright. Jungkook had seen more death than he could handle. People shouted in horror seeing what just happened, gathering slowly, trying to help them back to their feet.

"Where is the other person?" Jungkook tried to ask someone that was helping him up, yet the pain made him dizzy.

"Who are you talking about, young man? The shock must have been quite terrible for you to see someone else, you definitely should make a check-up at the hospital." One woman answered and Jungkook's eyes searched for (Y/N)'s silently asking if she had seen it too. And as she slowly nodded to him, he knew that he wasn't the only who saw it. "And you, young lady, what were you thinking by throwing yourself on the road like that? Do you want to die this young?" The old woman was scolding them harshly while Jungkook suddenly felt very cold. He winced as he heard the words of the woman. It really wasn't the best moment. Could that kind of speech be avoided?

However, when colors began to be drained from the landscape and the voice of the old woman sounded like she was getting further and further away until Jungkook couldn't hear it anymore, he began to regret his intern prayers for it to stop.

Because everything stopped.

The black and white surroundings left everything frozen, untouchable, and cold. The wind was no longer disturbing Jungkook who checked on (Y/N), only to see that she had frozen just like everything else while looking at him. It didn't take Jungkook a lot of time to understand what was happening.

"Come on Jungkook, let it happen once more." He heard the familiar voice echoing around him without being able to find its source.

"Where are you? What do you even mean? You told me to save 'you', that's what I'm doing!" Jungkook's voice was loud and clear despite the stillness of the frozen universe. Something made its way toward Jungkook. It slowly got a form, a shape, and some graceful features; it kept on changing until he could easily recognize (Y/N). He frowned, trying to keep telling himself that she wasn't real. This thing only had her appearance, that couldn't be (Y/N). He watched it coming close to the actual (Y/N), almost brushing its finger on her cheek.

"I don't want you to leave." The fake (Y/N) replied.

"What do you mean by that?"

"Isn't it funny to try and save me? Again and again?" Jungkook snorted.

"No. No, it's not." The thing almost looked annoyed at his answer.

"I can't let you go so easily."

"Why not?"

"You're going to forget about me again if I let you save me," it spoke gently, almost as if on the verge of tears. Jungkook shook this idea away. He needed to stop assimilating this ghost, or whatever it was, to (Y/N).

"I won't. And stop pretending that you're her when you're not." He tried to appear strong, but he felt his whole soul giving up. How could he go against someone- or even something that he couldn't fight?

"But I am!" '(Y/N)' suddenly got angry, her soft features were no longer visible, and Jungkook could see the thing slowly beginning to lose (Y/N)'s appearance.

"No, you aren't. Let me save (Y/N). Were you the one that pushed her on the road? Why would you do that?"

"I also was what killed me in the previous timeline, and every other one! It was easy, really, to push me on the road. Nothing easier, I even thought for some seconds that it was for the best." Jungkook paled. So that had been the reason why the previous timeline had not worked. Because of this accident. Had he not been there in that timeline, the car would have hit her and she would have died. Once again.

Jungkoo gritted his teeth as anger overwhelmed him. Why?

"Why the hell would you do that!?" He suddenly screamed, taking himself by surprise.

"I told you already, you're going to forget about her again." The thing seemed to calm down while (Y/N)'s features returned to its face. Jungkook noticed the change in its way of referring to (Y/N) but couldn't understand why.

"I won't, why would you believe that?" His voice had turned cold, just like the landscape. The thing shrugged, almost bored.

"Because I saw it happen already." Its eyes were watering, almost as if it could cry at any given moment. Jungkook stopped, unsure of what the thing meant. His mouth got dry for a few seconds.

"What?"

"You keep on saying that I'm not (Y/N) but you're wrong. I am. I'm the (Y/N) of the first timeline, Jungkook. The one that you didn't remember existed before you saw her grave, the one who saw all the timelines happen, and even the one that you don't remember, the one where you save me. And you know what you do in this timeline after you succeed in 'saving' me? You leave again, change your number, I won't hear your voice cracking again in your voicemail and me laughing in the background. You leave for Seoul, leaving me in Busan all alone, not trying to reach me despite everything you're saying. You tell me that I need to stay healthy and happy while you are gone, that you are going to miss me, but tell me, will you ever miss me? No, you won't. Because you won't come back, just like the first time." Jungkook was taken aback. No. That couldn't be true. He would never do the same mistake twice. He stood by that point.

"I wouldn't do that to you twice. What are you talking about? How could I forget about a whole time-"

"But you did! Told me we'd see each other soon, and never came back!" Jungkook frowned. Something was wrong in the story this '(Y/N)' was telling. Something was missing, but what?

"It was easy, wasn't it? To forget about me, you didn't have to wonder if I was indeed healthy or happy, you couldn't care any less." He wanted to answer something, desperately, yet her story didn't make any sense and it frustrated Jungkook to no end. Was this thing, that (Y/N), telling the truth? He believed that he would never do the same mistake twice. He would have never abandoned her again, not after everything that happened. No, that was not what he was hesitating about. His conflict was somewhere else. Could it be possible that each time (Y/N) died in a universe, something from her stayed alive? Just like ... This? Was it really possible? Could this truly be his (Y/N)? The very first one? And maybe even a manifestation of a vestige from all the (Y/N) who died? The one he knew since his childhood? The one who died on that horrible day? The one whose grave he saw? Jungkook liked to think of himself as a pragmatic and down-to-earth person, but with everything that he recently lived, he could believe in anything, to be honest. So, to say that he actually considered what the 'thing' said to be true wasn't really surprising. After all, he had been waking up, again and again, the same day, trying to save his 'best friend' from death. So could that be impossible and surprising if her 'soul' didn't vanish completely each time she died in a timeline? Yet, what she said wasn't logical. There were still missing pieces. He couldn't figure out what, but something didn't make sense. And it seemed too big to overview. What was so wrong that it hitched him so bad? Why did she say something that seemed so familiar?

"I want you healthy and happy while I'm gone."

"I'll try my best, but you've got to promise the same for you Jungkook!"

"I promise, I'll live the dream for both of us (Y/N)."

"Good. I'm glad that one of us is able to do that."

"I'll miss you..."

"I'll miss you too Kook, don't beat yourself over stupid things, and stay happy. Make me proud. Call me often."

That had been before he left... So why did she mention it now as if it happened twice? Maybe... Could that be related to the differences in all timelines? Could she be...

"You're mixing up." He suddenly said, thinking that maybe, he had finally gathered all the pieces of this never-ending jigsaw.

"What do you mean? Do you finally surrender? You can't find any tricks anymore?" She laughed sadly while he just looked at her, despair clear in his orbs.

"No, (Y/N). You're mixing up. That probably explains all the glitches I saw during timelines. You're mixing what happened before I first left because you never lived further than the day your sister died. If you're really saying the truth about your identity, then you died that day too, (Y/N). I never saved you if you're from the first timeline. You're confusing things, mixing them up, hence why details were not the same, like the weather. What you are talking about are things that I told you when I was younger, before leaving for Seoul. But I would never, do you hear me, never leave you again. I almost lost you once, I wouldn't even try to lose you again." He looked at her with an unwavering conviction. He had never been so sure of anything in his life.

"Is that your last resort? Because if you truly believe that I'm going to -"

"(Y/N), if it's really you, then we might be strangers. I might have hurt you, I might know nothing about how hurt you were and still are about my departure, but we both know something. And that something is that I never do the same mistake twice." And as he smiled as warmly as could, he could remember the discussion he once had with her when they were eating a cake he had baked alone for the first time. He had forgotten quite a lot of things but he had sworn that he wouldn't do the same mistake again and that it was something that he firmly stood by. It had been their inside joke. When he messed something up and succeeded at the second attempt, he used to look at her with his legendary smirk and tell her that he, indeed, never did the same mistake twice.

"I never do the same mistake a second time, especially not when it could change someone's future." He looked down at the real (Y/N), the one from his actual timeline, who was frozen on the sidewalk, internally swearing to protect her, that he would make everything right again.

"You're lying! I saw it-"

"Why do you want me so bad to be lying? What do you really see and remember? Are you sure you remember us?" He took a few steps in '(Y/N)'s direction while she looked ready to flee. "The plethora of timelines must have confused you, hence why everything kept on glitching, memories fade eventually, (Y/N). Especially ones that you didn't live by yourself. I understand now, why you told me to hurry up the first time we met in front of your grave. You said that once I would be in, I wouldn't get out that easily. Because you knew your memories would fade and that with some time, you would completely forget and I'd be trapped here forever. You knew yourself what would happen, that somehow, you'd keep on forgetting but it's okay! I'm here now, I will make new memories with you. Allow me to make new ones and especially happy ones. If we succeed, all those past memories will be brought back into one person, the living, and real you. We can do it together, you have to stop fighting me! Please. Let me save you this time. We can't keep on doing that, you'll keep on forgetting things and you won't ever- "

"It's wrong!!! You're wrong! You're-"

"We both know I'm right!" He took her hand, slowly brushing his thumb against the cold skin. He had not known if he would be able to touch her, but he seemed to be able to. Her cold skin almost made him shiver. The first (Y/N) drowned, cold, and alone in the Han River and Jungkook could only try to warm up her body and her soul.

"I-It's not true-" tears started to make their way on her cheeks and he brushed them away quickly.

"Allow me to make a better future for ourselves. It's going to be hard, maybe you won't want me to be part of it. But please, allow yourself a future. "

"No! I want you to chase me! To care about me, to keep c-crying because of me! Be hurt like I hurt!" She cried harder and he couldn't think of anything else but to hug her tightly.

"Give yourself a second chance (Y/N). I will always care about you, always cry for and because of you, I'll never let you go again if you let me in. Allow me to prove it to you. Come back to kill me if I fail, I don't care. Find your future again, live your present and write your future down as you walk. You have to pursue that future (Y/N). It's still yours."

"I don't want it! I gave it up! Don't you understand? I killed myself!"

"Then please hold my hand and let me support you for a while! Let me give you the will to continue! Let me help, for once. Please." He hid his tears as much as he could but it was hard to do so as he could hear her broken voice telling him how bad she didn't want to see any of this anymore. "Please, you have to let me in. We have to stop creating timelines, we need to bring them all back to one, the actual one-"

"I already died, Jungkook! It will never be 'me'! It's going to be this version of me that you see frozen, but it will never be 'me'! I already gave up on that future!" She cut him and Jungkook pressed himself closer to her, trying to let her feel his warmth. "It's never going to be 'me', the two of us are done, Jungkook. I died. It's too late. You'll find the (Y/N) of that timeline, not me." Her voice was barely louder than a whisper, and Jungkook's heart broke at the realization.

"But, this version of you is also you, isn't it?" Silent tears fell against his shoulder and he tried his best to ignore them while he waited for her answer.

"I don't know, you never saved me." Kissing her forehead lightly, Jungkook looked at her despite her reluctance.

"If we stop all of this, wouldn't all timelines merge back into one? Wouldn't it be logical for you to be... You?" She shrugged at his words, rubbing her eyes together as she tried to get rid of the tears while Jungkook held her close to him. "It can't be the end, you'll always be in my heart, whatever happens. I'm sure it's not the end, it can't be."

"I don't know, Jungkook-"

"I don't know either but all of this can't continue. We have to make it stop. You have to stop hurting yourself. Because it hurts every time you die, doesn't it?" She winced as if caught like a deer. It only strengthened Jungkook's belief. If she could feel all of (Y/N)'s pain each time she died in all timelines, it could only mean that despite her not believing it, they all were the same identities. He would find this (Y/N) back into the one he was about to save if they stopped opening new timelines.

"We need to try (Y/N). We can't keep doing that on and on. You need to reach your happy ending, too."

"But what if it doesn't work? What if I just remain here?" She asked quietly and he tried not to think too much of this possibility.

"I don't believe it could happen, but if it does, I'll come to visit often. I promise. I don't know how, but I'll make it work. I'll find a way, trust me on that one. I told you again and again when we were kids: I don't do the same mistake twice."

"Please never let me go again." Whispering, she hugged him tightly, as if worried he would disappear. Jungkook held her as tight as he could, seeing colors slowly painting the world again. Her tears never ceased even as he tried to soothe her down, knowing this might be his last moment with the woman from the very first timeline, the one he wished he had saved and would maybe save if his intuition was good. He truly hoped that he was right and that he would find remanent of her in the (Y/N) he was about to go back to.

"Let's be happy together, let's make new memories, and let's live happily (Y/N). I'll be there, I promise. Let's see each other again and for real this time." He smiled at her while colors fully came back. Jungkook breathed softly; maybe he could find his happy ending too. Jungkook started to come out of the bubble that had been created and he heard the yelling woman again. He looked up to see (Y/N) looking straight at him as if she had seen everything, or been through everything. Her wide eyes didn't give him much information and he wondered if she remembered what they just talked about or if she heard it at least. He hoped she did. He hoped that she was the (Y/N) that he just talked to and at the same time, he hoped she couldn't remember everything he went through, nor the pain she had to suffer from. Taking her hand into his, Jungkook looked one last time where the 'first timeline (Y/N)' had been, before they disappeared, away from the bridge.

He would make everything right this time. He'd find a way not to mess it up again.

30 notes · View notes

tokios-hotel · 7 months

Text

i can’t think of a title 😭

summary: tom interrupts your sleepover with bill to do facemasks 🤞

warnings: none, just fluff :)))

————————————————————————————————————————

you sat on your best friends floor, cautiously applying the mask to your face, making sure it didn’t end up in your freshly washed hair.

“it’s so cold!” bill winced, jerking slightly as he, too, evenly spread the mask across his own face.

“what’s so cold?” a head popped in through the now slightly open door.

“tommm, go away.” bill groaned, growing annoyed that his twin brother was interrupting your guys’ time together.

“what on earth are you putting on your faces?” tom said, a slight hint of disgust in his voice.

“calm down tom, it’s just face masks.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes to look at bill who was also giggling at tom’s lack of thinking.

you had always had a crush on tom. the twins had been your best friends for as long as you remember. little did you know that tom reciprocated your feelings. bill was getting sick of both of you talking about each other whilst you were apart.

“i want one too, put one on me!” tom exclaimed.

“no tom, go away.” bill sighed, just wanting to have a nice relaxing evening with his best friend.

“pleaseeeee.” tom wasn’t giving up anytime soon. if there was one thing he was going to do today, it was getting that face mask applied onto his face by you, no matter how unpleasant it sounded.

“fine.” bill sassed, maybe if he agreed, his brother would stop being so annoying for once.

“sit here.” you patted to the empty space directly in front of you.

tom walked over, almost tripping over his comically baggy jeans, plopping himself down, facing you.

you picked up the applicator, applying the cold substance to his face as delicately as possible.

tom felt his breath hitch as he suddenly became aware of the close proximity between you and him.

after a couple seconds, you scooched backwards, making sure the face mask was even.

“we should watch a movie whilst we wait!” bill suggested, smiling at his own idea.

“can we watch fight club?” tom asked, eagerly.

“if you’re going to crash our sleepover, at least give us some decent ideas.” bill replied with some snark in his voice.

“maybe (your movie of choice ml <3)?” you beamed.

“omg!!! i love that movie!” bill smiled excitedly.

“fine, i guess.” tom sighed.

the three of you piled onto bill’s bed and quickly switched on the tv. you laid down and tom flopped on top of you.

“tom, what are you doing?” you were a little taken a back by his actions, but you didn’t fight it, tangling your hands in his messy dreads.

instead of replying to you, he just wrapped his arms around your waist tighter, making it obvious he wasn’t going to let go anytime soon.

——————————————————————————

a/n: ahhhh, this is my first fanfic ever so please let me know if there is anything i can improve on <3333 i’m pretty happy with how it came out tbh + sorry for any typos or mistakes i haven’t proof read it 😔 also idk why it has a mature warning 😭

p/s: i love fight club, it’s one of my fav movies so sorry abt that 😭

#tom kaulitz #tokio hotel

2 notes · View notes

heylinhenchman · 10 months

Note

what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

when did your muse first realise they’re attracted to the gender(s) that they are?

how public is your muse about their gender / sexuality / romantic attraction?

Gender & Sexuality Asks | ACCEPTING

what do you label your muse as, and how do they label themselves? is there a difference, and if so, why?

Well first off Jack doesn't like to label himself so that's the first nail in the identity coffin. Though he does turn up his nose at the suggestion that he's straight or that gender matters. Jack just generally found over time that gender and sexuality were just another way for people to feel in control of things. But he didn't want anyone controlling him. Plus, this comic would get him in his feels. I meanwhile, with my deep emotional attachment, level of projection AND introjection, and general immersion in the discussions of gender and sexuality-- Just can't help myself. I label him homosexual biromantic, but it does have a special twist. Given his lack of gender regard, he tends to feel a bit more like 'one of the girls' when he's around girls. So if he is in a relationship with a girl, you can usually presuppose he's got a bit of homosexual attractions to them. Also… as an asexual myself I don't recognize the importance or lack of on the highlighting of ones libido, but while Jack is allosexual, he's also prone to matching his partner on levels of interest on that front. He's a busy, distractable guy, who needs thing to be high intensity to really keep his attention. So he's a special occasion lover, rather than a 'on any occurrence'. If you interrupt him during working hours he is not pleased unless you make it worth his while.

(3) when did your muse first realize they’re attracted to the gender(s) that they are?

Somewhen around secondary school. I wrote about it on my old blog once (ho ho). He had a crush on a boy and acted on it and his teacher had to take him aside and tell him why that wasn't such a good idea for his image. Jack had never been exposed to any negativity towards such things in his family, nor did he pay attention to his peers enough to pick up on the public consensus. He ended up doing his research and feeling kind of put off by how much divisiveness there was. But in the end, it just piqued a stubborn chord and he firmly decided he'd never feel bad about it. Fuck the Haters. He definitely never acted on his feelings again though. By the time he was getting more physical crushes, he had his idols on the mind.

(7) how public is your muse about their gender / sexuality / romantic attraction?

Divisively? Very much a 'queer as in fuck you' kind of guy. But also a 'queer as in, do whatever the fuck you want'. If he hears anyone questioning what they're 'allowed' to do because of their gender, he's one to scoff and offer them a hand in defying that assumption (God give me a CLAY BAILEY). Since he doesn't like labels, he'll generally call himself whatever when the tone suits ('my gender/sexuality is whatevers funny/convenient/difficult'). He's told his parents he's gay though, and either they recognize that's not the whole picture, or they're just really pushy about him having at least a wife before a side-piece. His dad comes around quicker than his mother, who is control freak. But he's not exactly on the hunt for community.

#answered.#Anonymous #hc.#[wuuf.... new editor kind of a bitch....#[have to write everything in seperate thing first so i dont keep losing everything to a misclick #[hhhgggggg

2 notes · View notes

wellofdean · 2 years

Text

Endversetober prompt, Day 10: Gun

Whelp. I wrote this. Part of my pledge is just to post what I come up with and not be too precious about it, so here goes.

Cas is unwell, and suggests the improper use of a firearm.

I should warn you that this one is a bit on the dark side.

Cas has been laid up for a month with a broken foot, and he’s feeling a way he never thought he’d ever feel: fed the fuck up with Dean fucking Winchester.

Maybe it’s the painkillers, maybe it’s the ongoing and fucking exhausting lack of Grace and all the attendant eating, sleeping, farting, pissing, shitting, and not having any idea what the fuck is going on, but he is fucking done. Cas is self-aware enough to know that he’s never had what anyone would properly call a ‘sense of humor’ but he has stopped being able to see even the potential for humor in anything, and forget about the potential for anything else. For fuck’s sake. Every other word in his internal fucking monologue is fuck. That can’t be a good fucking sign.

And Dean just… fucking Dean. Just sitting there, slouching like that in his chair, cleaning his fucking gun in his underwear and socks, taking up fucking space and air like he always does, with all that big Dean energy. Fuck, Cas is sick of him. Sick of the way he sneers certainty all over everything all the time and the way his voice is always so fucking full of the conviction that every fucking thing he says is fucking important? Like he’s the only fucking guy who can whatever the fuck he’s saying he’s gotta fucking do?

Cas is also, he has to admit, just fucking tired. He’s tired, and he’s also fucking high as fuck. And, in fact, he’d like a fuck, please. He hasn’t had a good fuck in some time. Dean and his gun. Just fucking sitting there. Clean that fucking gun, Dean. Yes. That’s what’s important.

When Cas was powered up, he’d thought of guns with pity – a crutch of the powerless. All they had to defend themselves. Now he sees what they really are: a crutch for the impotent. A fucking second cock you can use if you’re feeling weak, and now that they’re living in a properly post-apocalyptic hellscape constantly in danger of being overrun by virally mutated former humans, and everyone’s feeling a little weak, aren’t they. Cas suddenly feels like crying. He wants to be held. He hasn’t been held in weeks. It’s painful, not being held.

Dean seems to like his guns. He hangs them on his wall. Tucks them jauntily into his waistband in the back, wears them sexily strapped to his thigh – and Cas can tell: they make Dean feel like a big man. Big man with a big gun. Oooh Dean, is that a gun in your pocket? All at once it’s hits him how fucking ridiculous a thing a man is, and laughter just forces its way out. A little explosion. A short, sharp burst. Oh great, maybe his celebrated sense of humor has returned.

“What’s so funny?” Dean shoots at him.

“Pew Pew!” Cas thinks, delirious and unsteady. Like he’s falling from a great height.

“Absolutely nothing, Dean,” he pulls himself together to shoot back, serious as a heart attack.

Dean rolls his eyes and goes back to his gun. Cas watches him ream out the barrel for a moment, not without a certain tinge of longing, and then just says it:

“Dean, I want you to fuck me.”

Dean doesn’t even bother to look at him, just says “Nah. I’m busy.”

“With your gun, Dean. Fuck me with your gun.”

Now Dean does look at him. He doesn’t say anything. Just stares. Lets his face say it: “What the fuck?”

“I’m serious, Dean. Let’s go all the way.”

“Cas, shut the fuck up,” he sneers. He looks at Cas with those beautiful, dead fucking eyes in that beautiful fucking face, and then: “What the hell happened to you, man?”

Like he doesn’t know.

Cas just looks at him for a beat. His face feels uncomfortable. Like he can’t quite tell what it’s doing. Doesn’t know what his stupid human face is saying without his permission.

“You, Dean. You happened.”

That’s when he loses it. Just starts laughing and laughing. His face a rictus, tears rolling down his cheeks. God, it’s all so funny. So fucking hilarious. He can’t stop. It hurts. He just keeps laughing and laughing. At least he thinks he is? He’s not so sure. All he knows is that whatever he’s doing, he’s powerless against it, and he can’t stop. It feels like laughing, right until it doesn’t.

Then it feels like dying.

Dean turns to face him. Stares for a moment. His mouth turned down at the edges and something bordering on an expression in his eyes.

“Hey,” he says, “hey… hey, hey, hey, hey Cas. What the—?”

Cas folds himself in half. Hugs his arms close, feels like he might fly apart. Wishes he could! And then Dean is there, a hand on his shoulder, a hand in his hair. Oh.

“Hey, Cas. Buddy. C’mon,” he says in a voice Cas hasn’t heard in far too long. “C’mon Cas.”

“Don’t say ‘it’s ok’ Dean. Just don’t,” he sobs, stupidly.

“Man, I know it’s not ok. Cas, look, I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry. I know this is all on me. I’m just… so sorry. I’ve ruined everything. I’m poison. Don’t tell me I ruined you, too.”

“Even me, huh, Dean? Jesus. Fuck off,” Cas says into his own hands, “This is not ‘you’ time.”

“Cas, Cas. I need you,” Dean says, “I need you whole.”

“I’m not whole, Dean, and I never will be.”

Dean pulls Cas’s hands away from his face, takes his head in his hands. Makes Cas look him in the eyes, and now Dean’s eyes aren’t dead. They aren’t. They’re wet and shining. They’re so green, and they are full of Dean again. Like… he’s home again.

“That’s not what I meant,” Dean says, soft, without all his bluster. “That’s not what I meant, Cas. You know it’s not.”

Dean wipes at Cas’s tears with his thumbs. It's rough and clumsy, but it's Dean.

“I’m not going to fuck you with my gun,” he says gently, “that’s not me, Cas, and it’s not you either.”

_____

Also here:

Endversetober 2022 (1758 words) by wellofdean

Chapters: 2/?

Fandom: Supernatural (TV 2005)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Characters: Endverse Dean Winchester, Endverse Castiel (Supernatural)

Additional Tags: Endversetober | Endverse Inktober (Supernatural), cocks vs hands, Feelings, References to Croatoan/Endverse (Supernatural), suggested misuse of a gun, angst and sadness

Summary:

Short fics and drabbles in response to Endversetober prompts.

#endversetober #dean winchester #castiel #endverse #spn #Sorry... this one went dark somehow #but I am posting WHATEVER I PRODUCE #so... here #I guess.

11 notes · View notes

merrock · 2 years

Photo

HAPPY FIRST OF JULY!

It's amazing how fast June flew by, but here we are, the start of a new month! That means that it's time to go over the things happening this month, talk about some goals for the group, and let you know what's coming up around the corner. Read on, Merrockites!

HAPPENING IN JULY:

summer bash (july 2 - 9) -- a big, fun event that happens downtown and includes food and drink, craft vendors, entertainment, games, and so much more. this is a family-friendly event, so bring the kids along!

the pink gala (july 23, 5pm est) -- annual charity gala, this year being held at the botanical gardens in town. everyone in attendance must wear pink in some way! this event is adults only.

mini events -- even though there’s only one little event in town this month, it’s a good one. july 17th is ice cream day, so don’t miss out on that! MORE INFO HERE!

EXTRA BIT OF FUN:

The development resource for July has been posted, and is available whenever you need something fun to do, whether it be this month, or any time moving forward. Plus, glorious summertime can be completed any time between now and July 31st, meaning no one can say that they’re bored. As usual, the Benefactor is looking for testimonials (click here!), if you have something nice to say about the town that you don’t mind us using for ads.

RULE CHANGES & REMINDERS:

kickin’ this off as usual with a reminder for players to read over our rules. I don’t think there have been any major changes this month, just tightening up on some language, but it never hurts to refresh yourself!

be careful with messages! lately tumblr has been glitching a lot -- if you are chatting with someone, be sure your message is sending, and be sure you are manually checking for a reply. please do not purposely ignore messages or leave people hanging, especially if you are asking for plots or threads!

starters, starters, starters. if you are doing a starter (that is not your initial one!), be sure you are doing it at a time when you can reply back to people, and reply back to everyone. always be sure you’re checking the starter master list to see what’s new!

we completely understand if a thread starts to feel outdated / stale, but communicate with the person you’re writing with. ask them to start something new with you, so they’re not left with a lack of activity. we want to really encourage people to keep threads going with others as long as they can!

be sure that you are following all blogs associated with merrock -- you can find that list right here! (btw you don’t have to follow the promo blog, we just follow it through main!) it’s also a good idea to make sure that you’re keeping up with unfollows, too. if you need to unfollow and refollow everyone to get to where you need to be, that’s fine!

THINGS BEHIND THE SCENES:

once again, I believe all of our pages should be up to date and good to go! locations recently got a tiny update, where they are listed as open for employees or owners, and our occupation page had some new suggestions added!

there will be two new locations added this month, since it’s not a busy event-month in town, so keep your eyes open for that!

I’ve got something kinda top secret in the works... okay, it’s not really a secret secret, but. it involves us choosing some fun representatives of our town, and getting everyone involved in the process! I know we don’t have traditional ‘mascots’ so something else fun is coming.

and of course, lots of cool things happening in August, too! there’s Watermelon Day on the 3rd, a fun event happening that’ll need some help from you guys, a yard sale & cruise-in, and an end of summer pool party to wind down before school starts.

This month, we really just want to work on inclusivity and the sense of community that we hope to continue to build. Be sure that when you’re doing replies, you’re replying to everyone, not just the same few people. Branch out! If you see someone make a plot call in the OOC, reach out to them, especially if it’s not someone you plot with often. As mentioned above, be sure that you’re not ignoring messages from others, or putting them on the backburner. Let’s make July a real love fest!

Thank you guys for continuing to make this place what it is, and we look forward to a great month ahead! xx

#merrockadmin

4 notes · View notes

pikadaily · 3 years

Text

[022] Pika-Plush?

#Yes i missed yesterday i took an accidental 4 hour nap and ran outta time SBHJDNKLC #also i have been lacking on ideas....! If you guys have any suggestions! Please feel free to send them!#pikadaily #pokemon daily #pikachu daily #pokemon #pikachu

44 notes · View notes

papergirllife · 2 years

Text

Dream 00 Line Reacts To...

Huang Renjun

When you had been a little bit too handsy during dinner, Renjun decided to teach you a lesson in the bedroom, his plan was to edge you until he gives in and fucks you until the whole dorm hears you screaming. But when he was about to take out the vibrator inside you, you moved away from his hands.

“I want you inside, right next to the toy, please,” you said, arching your back towards him once more.

Renjun was too stunned to speak, the toy is nowhere near the size of a cock, but it wasn’t all that small either, he carefully guides himself into you when you started whining at the lack of any action going on.

Renjun thrusts shallowly at each inch he slips in, getting you opened up for him before he’s completely snugged against the toy, his teeth digging into your shoulder to suppress his moans from the sweet vibration of the toy squished next to his cock.

Lee Jeno

Jeno wasn’t giving you any attention tonight, it’s was as if he was dating his computer and its games instead of his lovely and currently, very desperate girlfriend.

You had prepped yourself before arriving at his dorms, even with a hidden surprise inside you, you know how Jeno gets when you pull freaky shit like this, this is, after all, the same guy who wrote lyrics for dream’s infamous song, 119.

So when Jeno still refused to leave his game with his friends, you decided to take things into your own hands, stripping your lower half bare before you climbed into his lap, Jeno, who still had his eyes on his screen, didn’t know you weren’t wearing anything underneath his sweater, so when you suddenly pulled his sweats down to reveal his cock, cue the surprise puppy noises because he is shocked, confused, and instantly horny when his eyes meet yours.

You smiled sweetly back at him before you slammed yourself down onto him, the wet walls and a surprising neighbour sharing your tight pussy was all he needed before he moaned aloud, having forgotten the fact that his friends were still on the line before he promptly drops off, carrying to his bed with a new goal in mind.

Lee Haechan

When you and Haechan sat down and decided to watch porn, for the cringe part of things mostly, porn these days aren’t all that appealing at all, but there was this one video which caught your attention, it was a clip of a man putting in his dick next to an existing vibrator inside a cunt, and that has your panties pooling in arousal.

So when you brought up this idea to your boyfriend, of course he had to try it out. Which brings you here now, a vibrator inside you on medium as Haechan works his way in with another dildo of your possession, wanting better control with a toy than his own cock, that and he just can’t help but want to see your pussy stretching before he actually slips in beside the toy, choosing instead to rub his cock against the bed before he deems that you’re well prepped enough to take him, slipping the dildo out before thrusting his whole cock in, the sweet melody of his moans in your ear as he gets lost in the feeling of the constant movement drumming against the side of his cock.

Haechan has never ever came this quick in bed before, but instead of pulling out, he lets himself get lost in the overstimulation, he’s always one to indulge in the grey area of pain and pleasure.

Na Jaemin

When you and Jaemin started an only fans for fun, you would posts videos once or twice a month, just for the thrill of it, not so much on the money, but the two of you did get matching Rolex watches from this side gig.

At times Jaemin would scroll through the comments for ideas, and this one caught his eye, taking in the suggestion, he decides to put it into play.

Camera in hand as he works himself inside you, the tip of his cock sensitive as it nudges against the vibrator, trying his best to not drop the camera as he feels himself get lost in the pleasure, and also to make sure not to get your face in the frame.

“Look at your pussy stretching so wide for me, baby, you like it don’t you? How I absolutely ruin you for any other man, this pussy belongs to me only,” Jaemin says before he sheaths himself completely inside you.

Your mind blank as Jaemin begins thrusting, your brain empty as you relish in the feeling of having yourself filled to the brim in ways you thought couldn’t.

Screaming when the vibrator is nudged to your sweet spot, your body convulsing in pleasurable waves as Jaemin coos encouraging words by your ear.

533 notes · View notes

criminalmindzjunkie · 3 years

Text

Hungry Eyes

masterlist

Summary: Spencer is tired of hiding your relationship.

A/N: The idea for this fic came from a lovely anon that requested a fic based on She’s So Nice by Pink Guy. I also drew inspo from Hungry Eyes by Eric Carmen (strange mix, but stay with me here.) So basically, a lot of Dom!Spencer goodness. I’d like to say a huge thank you for almost 1k followers, because wow. I never imagined 5 people would actually want to read my writing. I love you all, and I hope you all enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future works!

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warnings: swearing, jealousy, degradation, spitting, slapping, oral sex (male and female receiving), spanking, vaginal penetration, unprotected sex

Word Count: 5.5k

“That is one fine piece of ass. Don’t think I could get any work done with a sweet little thing like that prancing around my precinct,” mutters yet another sleezeball detective, beady eyes trained on you like a lion might study their prospective prey. It’s moments like these that Spencer has to remind himself that patience is a virtue – that he must bite his tongue because he’s at work and that means he has to act professional. Even if those around him don’t seem capable of affording him the same luxury.

So, it’s with a clenched jaw and all the self-restraint that he can muster that Spencer forces himself to focus on the task at hand. Because Spencer is a professional, and there are more pressing matters that demand his undivided attention. The detective could be dealt with later – in the form of a complaint to the higher ups. But for now, patience.

Usually, this wouldn’t be a problem. Years on the job had taught Spencer to remain level headed no matter the circumstance. Usually, Spencer could tune out the locker room talk in favor of immersing himself into the case. But when it came to you, or rather, people who dared to look upon you with eyes laden with lustful intentions, Spencer had a rather short fuse.

It happens often, and he supposes that he shouldn’t be surprised. You’d certainly turned his head the first time he was fortunate enough to lay eyes on you. He’d nearly broken his neck trying to steal another glimpse of you as you walked past him on your way to Emily’s office on your first day. No one would ever describe Spencer Reid as forward, but on that day, he was the most brazen he’d ever been.

Throwing caution to the wind, Spencer made a split-second decision stop you and introduce himself.

It was the best decision he would ever make.

So, yes – he understood why the head of everyone you passed turned your way, eager to bask in your unparalleled beauty. But that didn’t mean that he had to like it. In fact, every time Spencer caught some imprudent bastard leering at you, he had to remind himself that enacting physical force on another person with no real reason could cost him his job. That, and he was above resorting to violence – or at least he was, until you came around.

Part of his anger was rooted in the obvious lack of respect. It didn’t matter if Spencer held your hand in his as the two of you walked down the street, or if he kissed you on the lips in the middle of a crowded restaurant. All the PDA in the world did nothing to assuage the lingering stares, and Spencer felt his sanity chip away with every passing day.

In the beginning, keeping his relationship with you a secret from your colleagues seemed like a good enough idea. Both of you were in agreement that you didn’t want to your personal relationship to affect your professional one, so when the elevator doors opened up and the two of you stepped out into the bullpen, you both were on your best behavior. And it was okay at first – Spencer was able to put his romantic feelings aside and focus on his work, all while still being able to make eyes at you from across the room. It was the perfect arrangement.

Until it wasn’t.

Because it wasn’t enough that you were gorgeous – you were also the most selfless person that Spencer had ever met. Always eager to lend a hand to anyone in need – always seeing the best in everyone, regardless of if they deserve it or not. It was an admirable quality to have, and he loved you for it, but on days like today he wishes you were a little more perceptive.

That, and he wishes you’d chosen to wear anything but the tight little skirt and low-cut top that you were currently sporting. Not that he didn’t love the way the fabric clung to your figure like it was tailor-made for you – because he did - it was just that every other male in the precinct seemed to enjoy it as much as he did. And that made Spencer’s blood boil.

The tipping point comes when, just as Spencer is trying to hunt you down and propose a quick lunch break, he finds you engaging in conversation with the very same detective that had been spouting lewd comments about you all morning. You’re seated at the breakroom table, clutching a fresh cup of coffee in hand as you look up at the man, a polite smile upturning your lips as you listen to him drone on about how his amateur baseball team had won some stupid fucking tournament the previous weekend. He’s smiling down at you, endlessly smug and way too pleased with himself at having captured your attention.

It makes Spencer sick.

His reprieve comes when your eyes flit to the doorway and you flash him a breathtaking smile. It makes him warm from the inside out, and Spencer wants nothing more than to plant kiss after kiss on your lips. Unfortunately, he can’t, so he settles on returning your smile.

“There you are,” Spencer greets as he crosses the room before coming to a stop next to you. “I was thinking we could go grab lunch.”

“Is it really lunch time already?” you murmur as you glance down at your watch. “I guess I let the day get away from me. Detective Yarborough was just telling me about the baseball game his team won this weekend.”

“Oh, was he now,” Spencer feigns interest as he turns to face the man.

“Yup,” you say, completely oblivious to the uncomfortable tension. “Didn’t you tell me you played in a baseball game once?”

This piques the interest of Yarborough and he raises an eyebrow at Spencer.

“You play?” he asks, tone laden with disbelief.

“Not exactly.”

The detective merely harrumphs in response, and an uncomfortable silence falls on the room.

Your eyes dart between the two men and your brows furrow adorably as you try to make sense of the almost palpable animosity.

“Okay… So, lunch. Did you have anything in mind, Spence?”

“There’s a really good pizza joint two blocks from here,” Yarborough chimes in. “I could show you, if you like.”

He acts as if the offer extends to you both, but the way he looks only at you when he says it tells Spencer otherwise.

“The hospitality is appreciated, but that won’t be necessary,” Spencer breezes, clipped and to the point. He’s able to see in his peripheral vision the way your eyebrows raise in shock, but he’s too busy glaring at the detective to care.

“Uh, yeah. Thanks anyways, Detective,” you mutter confusedly as you stand.

“Anything for a pretty lady such as yourself,” he replies. “And you can call me Trevor.”

Spencer’s hands are clenched into fists and he has to actually bite down on his tongue to keep from doing something he’d surely regret later. You bid Trevor ado with a smile and a parting wave, and then Spencer’s ushering you out of the room and down the hall, hand placed firmly on your back. He can’t do much in regards to initiating physical contact, but he allows himself this miniscule act of PDA. The feeling of your warmth radiating through your blouse is the only thing keeping him from giving into his primal instincts. Instincts that are screaming at him to put that smarmy bastard in his place.

The hours after lunch pass by rather uneventfully. You accompany Tara when she goes to interview the victim’s family, and for the first-time all-day Spencer is able to repress his frustration long enough to focus on piecing together a geographical profile. By the time you and Tara return, the sun has long since disappeared from the sky and fatigue is rolling off everyone in waves. When Emily finally announces the end of the day, she’s met with absolutely no resistance.

Spencer immediately scans the room for you, only to frown when he sees that you’re nowhere in sight. In fact, he hasn’t set eyes on you in well over an hour, too busy wrapping up the days’ work to notice your absence until now.

“Has anyone seen Y/N?” Spencer calls out. His question is met by several shaking heads.

“I think she’s busy,” JJ sing-songs, eyebrows waggling suggestively. Spencer’s frown only deepens.

“Busy?”

JJ nods.

“Yarborough has been chomping at the bit to ask her to dinner. My guess is he’s got her cornered somewhere.”

Of fucking course.

Spencer’s out of his seat and stomping through the precinct in second, oblivious to the way his coworkers exchange curious glances as he storms off.

He finds the two of you in much the same way as before, only this time Trevor is blocking your path to the doorway, hand in the air as he moves to tuck a stray piece of your hair behind your ear.

“– C’mon, babe. Say you’ll go to dinner with me,” Trevor croons in a way that’s supposed to come off as seductive. “I’ll make it worth your while.”

You lean backwards in an attempt to evade his touch, and you barely get the chance to open your mouth when Spencer intervenes.

“She’s not interested.”

The detective whips around, snorting in annoyance when he sees Spencer standing in the doorway.

“What are you, her fucking keeper?” Trevor sneers, before turning back to face you. “Who does this guy think he is?”

Something in Spencer snaps, then – the same something that has been swelling inside him for months, threatening to spill over every time he had to pretend that the stares didn’t enrage him. He’s tired of pretending, tired of hiding, and so, so fucking tired of not putting assholes like Trevor Yarborough in their place.

Fueled by months of suppressed anger, Spencer manages to cross the room in about two seconds. He has several inches on the detective, standing at an intimidating six-foot one inch in height, so when he comes to a stop right in front of the detective, he’s looming over him threateningly.

“I’m her fucking boyfriend, and if you so much as try to touch her again, I’ll break your goddamn hand,” Spencer spits out, and he’d be lying if he said the way Trevor’s eyes widen in fear doesn’t thrill him. “Are we clear?”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, dude,” Trevor splutters, raising his hands in surrender. “Didn’t know she was taken. My bad.”

Spencer tears his eyes away from the detective and takes in the way you’re watching on with an amused expression. He reaches out, and you’re quick to place your hand in his. Without speaking another word to the detective, Spencer leads you from the room and out the back entrance of the precinct.

“What was that?” you tease, eyes glistening mischievously underneath the street lights. “I thought we agreed that we weren’t taking things public just yet?”

Spencer crowds you against the brick wall of the building, pressing his body flush against yours. He ducks down swiftly, pulling you into a frenzied kiss. His lips drag against yours relentlessly, and all it takes is one breathy moan before he’s licking into your mouth possessively. Spencer slots his knee in between your legs, simultaneously groping at your chest with one hand as the other tangles in your hair.

When Spencer pulls away, he doesn’t go far. His lips leave a trail of wet kisses down your neck as you writhe against him, hands clinging tightly to his dress shirt. You whimper when his teeth nip at the tender spot right under your ear, and you can’t help the way your hips cant up when Spencer’s tongue brushes against reddened skin.

“I’m tired of pretending,” Spencer murmurs as his mouth continues to move against you, sucking purple bruises against your flesh. “Don’t fucking care about how it will affect the job. Tomorrow, everyone’s gonna know that you’re mine. Gonna mark every inch of you tonight – gonna fuck you until you can’t fucking walk.”

“Please,” you slur as you guide Spencer’s hand down until his fingers graze the end of your skirt. Spencer chuckles darkly against your neck when his hand brushes against the soiled lace of your panties.

“Didn’t mean I’d fuck you right here,” he laughs, prompting you to let out an impatient whine. The hand that was previously tangled in your hair slides down until it’s wrapped around your throat, and Spencer’s cock twitches eagerly in his pants when you push your throat harder into his palm. “Such a needy little slut for me. Ready and willing for me to fuck you out in the open, where anyone could walk by and see how fucking desperate you are for my cock.”

“M’ your slut,” you pant as Spencer’s middle and index fingers ghost across your center. “Only yours, Spence. I don’t care who sees, just - please fuck me!”

“I fucking own you,” Spencer growls against your lips as he tightens his hold on your throat. “And as much as I’d love to take you right against this wall, the things I have planned for you would elicit quite an audience. I know how loud you like to be.”

Spencer pushes your panties to the side and you let out a low hiss as he drags a finger across where want him most. You cry out in frustration when he removes his hand to bring it up to his mouth, tongue darting out to lick his finger clean.

“Just needed a little taste to tide me over,” Spencer murmurs, smirking devilishly at you as he steps back from you. “Let’s head back to the hotel. I’ve got lots I wanna do to you, pretty girl.”

As soon as the door to the hotel room clicks shut, clothes are flying off as the two of you make your way to the bed. It’s a mad dash as you both undress, and as soon as the last garment leaves your body, Spencer pounces on you. Your lips meet in a passionate kiss, and the way you immediately go pliant as Spencer’s mouth works against yours makes him hum appreciatively.

“Don’t feel like being nice tonight. Are you gonna let me use that pretty little pussy however I want?” Spencer inquires, though he already knows the answer. He’s known how tonight would pan out ever since the first roll of your hips against his back at the police station.

You nod fervently, hopelessly, and Spencer moves his hand up to grip your chin in his hand. The pad of his thumb traces over the swollen skin of your kiss bruised lips.

“What about this?” he asks, tapping lightly against your lip. “Are you gonna let me fuck this slutty little mouth of yours?” Spencer slips his thumb into your mouth and you immediately close your lips around the digit, suckling lightly. Your eyes never leave his.

“You’d do anything I asked you to, wouldn’t you, pet?” Spencer muses, pressing his thumb farther into your mouth until you gag around him. Spencer withdraws his thumb and his hand tugs hard on the hair at the back of your scalp. “Open.”

You oblige immediately, and Spencer spits into your waiting mouth. You swallow without being instructed, and the visual of it makes Spencer let out a low groan.

“Get on your knees,” Spencer barks out, and the way you scramble to follow his order makes him let out a chuckle. “So eager to have my cock in your mouth,” he hums as he taps his dick teasingly against your cheek. You open your mouth wide for him, and Spencer guides your mouth down onto his dick at a tantalizingly slow pace. You let out a moan as you hollow your cheeks around his head, tongue lapping greedily at the precum that gathered there before Spencer makes you take him deeper.

“Everyone thinks you’re such an innocent little thing, but here you are, letting me use you like a cheap whore while you enjoy every minute of it,” Spencer says through gritted teeth as you moan wantonly around his cock. It isn’t until he’s halfway down your throat that your eyes begin to water, mascara running down your cheeks as he fucks into your mouth.

Spencer lets out a choked sound when your nose brushes against the skin of his abdomen, and he has to fight the urge to throw his head back in pleasure. He doesn’t want to look away, not even for a moment. Not when you’re looking up at him like that, tears running down your face as you swallow around his length.

He pulls you off him just the tiniest bit before he’s forcing you back down, a string of curses falling from his lips as your head bobs up and down.

“You take my cock so well, pretty girl,” Spencer praises, prompting you to let out a muffled moan around him. The vibrations send a shock of pleasure through him and he can help the way his hips stutter. “Fuck, baby. You like it when I tell you what a perfect little whore you are, don’t you?”

You’re unable to answer, because Spencer presses down on the back of your head until you’ve taken all of him again. The pressure he puts on you doesn’t relent, not even when you gag around him.

“Fucking choke on it, slut,” Spencer grunts. “Don’t act like you don’t want this. You were just begging me to fuck you in an alley not twenty minutes ago, like some pathetic fucking tramp. You wanna act like a tramp, I’m gonna treat you like one.”

Spencer’s lips curl into a debauched grin when your hands come up and grip the backs of his thighs, pulling him closer and further down your throat.

“That’s what I fucking thought,” Spencer moans, giving several more harsh thrusts before pulling you off of him completely. Spencer reaches down to wipe at the spit that coats your lips as you look up at him with a shy smile.

“You okay, pretty girl?” Spencer asks as he caresses the side of your face.

“Mm,” you hum, nuzzling your face against his palm. “Keep going, please. Don’t hold back.”

“God, I fucking love you,” Spencer sighs happily. “Get on the bed.”

By the time Spencer fishes a tie out of his suitcase, you’re sprawled out across the bed, head resting against the pillows with your legs spread wide. Your teeth are nestled against your bottom lip as you watch him stalk towards you, eyes running up and down his naked figure appreciatively.

Spencer crawls onto the bed until he’s settled in between your legs. You present your wrists to him, just like you’ve done a million times before, and Spencer feels that familiar thrum of excitement rush through his body. He fucking lives for moments like these – moments where all his problems melt away to nothing. Moments where he has no other thought than wrecking you, thoroughly and completely.

Once your wrists are bound you hold them above you, and Spencer sits back on his heels, eyes raking up and down every inch of you.

“M’ so fucking lucky to be the only one who gets to see you like this.”

Spencer pinches your right nipple in between his fingers and you let out a squeak, hips bucking up, desperate for some friction. He kneads your breast in his hand as he lowers his mouth to the other one, tongue laving around you. A light nip from his teeth is all that it takes for you to cry out, eyelids fluttering closed.

“Spence, please. Need you to touch me now, pl-”

Spencer’s hand connecting with your cheek stops you from finishing your sentence.

“Do not tell me what to do,” Spencer seethes, once again gripping your chin to keep you from looking away. “Ungrateful slut. I should just leave you here, fucking dripping and desperate for a release that you won’t get. Maybe then you’d learn to take what’s given to you.”

“Please, no! I’ll be good, I swear. I’m sorry!”

Spencer narrows his eyes at you, contemplative.

“Open.”

You do as he says, and without another word Spencer inserts two fingers into your mouth, pressing down hard on your tongue.

“Get them nice and wet, and maybe I’ll think about using them on you.”

You do as he tells you, and by the time Spencer removes his fingers from your mouth, you’re trembling underneath him from anticipation.

“D-Did I do good?” you stutter out, batting your lashes at him as you squirm under his gaze.

“So good, baby. I think you’ve earned my fingers,” Spencer hums. “Need you to be still, okay? You’re not gonna like what happens if you try to move.”

You nod enthusiastically, eyes fluttering shut when his fingers brush across your clit. Spencer spends ample time rubbing deliciously slow circles over your sensitive bundle of nerves, relishing in every gasp and whimper that falls from your lips. Lips that he’d very much like to kiss, so he does, and you’re more than happy to reciprocate. Spencer lets out a happy sigh into your mouth.

You get lost in the kiss, so lost in the way that Spencer licks into your mouth that it catches you completely off guard when he slides two fingers into you.

“Oh, God,” you moan when Spencer curls his fingers against your walls, fucking them in and out of you, slow and unrelenting.

“S’that feel good, princess?” Spencer asks, a teasing lilt to his voice. “Tell me how it feels.”

Your head falls back against the pillows as you struggle to keep your hips firmly placed on the mattress.

“Feels amazing, Spence. Always feels so good with you. Never want anyone else, only you.”

And fuck, if that sentiment doesn’t shoot straight to his heart - amongst other places. Spencer places a tender kiss to your cheek before he’s moving down to your neck and sucking a bruise right under your jaw.

“Yeah?” Spencer prompts. “Not even that stupid fucking detective? I’m sure he’d love a chance to see you like this.”

“So, you were jealous,” you chuckle between moans, and Spencer bites down hard where your neck meets your shoulder.

“F-Fuck, Spencer!”

“Should I be jealous?” Spencer speeds up the onslaught of his fingers, scissoring them at such an unforgiving pace that you can’t help but roll your hips against them.

You regret this instantly, because Spencer’s fingers immediately pull out of you, leaving you empty and cold. Spencer tuts, shaking his head disappointedly.

“Dumb little whore can’t even sit still long enough to cum on my fingers.”

“Please, let me try again. I’ll do better, I promise!”

Spencer shakes his head and scoots up until his back is rested against the pillows.

“C’mere,” he commands. “Lay across my lap. Or can you not follow simple commands?”

“I-I can,” you whisper as you crawl across him, splaying out so that you rest on your elbows with your ass in the air.

Spencer grabs a handful of your ass and kneads it in his hands.

“How many do you think you deserve?”

You blush and smile shyly at him from over your shoulder.

“However many you want to give me. I can take it.”

Spencer returns your smile.

“Good answer. I think you can handle fifteen. How does that sound?”

“Sounds perfect. T-Thank you, Spencer,” you mumble, cheeks burning red. Spencer continues to caress the tender skin of your bare ass, admiring the way the skin is completely blank; the perfect canvas.

You let out a whimper when his hand comes down hard on your ass before kneading the sensitive, reddening skin.

“T-Thank you,” you gasp out, and Spencer is quick to follow up with another strike against the opposite cheek.

It goes on like this until it’s time for the fifteenth strike, and by then you’ve devolved into garbled whines, ass bright red and marked up with the imprint of Spencer’s hands. His dick is painfully hard underneath you, and you’re in a similar state – arousal dripping onto Spencer’s thigh, coating it.

“Last one, baby. Do you think you can handle it?”

“Y-Yes,” you choke out. “Please, I need it. Hurt me, please.”

The desperation in your voice does things to him, makes him practically feral with the need to fucking tear you apart, and Spencer is quick to deliver the final blow. You barely even have it in you to cry out anymore – a feeble sob is all that falls from your lips.

Spencer’s hand ghosts down across your bruised skin until his fingertips trace over where you drip for him.

“You like it when I punish you, don’t you, dirty girl?” Spencer hums as his fingers glide over your soaked folds.

“Y-Yes,” you mewl, shifting so that your cunt grinds back onto his hand. Spencer indulges you - allows you to rock your hips against his palm as he watches on in awe, soaking up every desperate sound that tumbles past your lips.

Spencer pulls his hand away after a moment and you keen in protest.

“Can you sit up for me, sweet girl?” Spencer asks, and you nod, because of course you do – you’d do anything if you thought it’d please him. You struggle to pull yourself up with shaky limbs, and Spencer puts a hand on your lower back to steady you. “Can you straddle my leg? Yeah, just like that.” Spencer pulls you down and places a slow kiss to your lips, one hand coming up to wipe away the tears gliding down your face. After a moment of slow, sweet kisses are shared, Spencer unties your wrists.

“I want you to ride my thigh – can you do that, princess?”

You whimper as you lower yourself down onto his leg, eyes fluttering shut as you begin to rock against the hardened muscle of his leg.

Spencer continues placing kisses on your lips, your face, your neck – worshipping every inch of skin he can reach with his mouth, all while whispering praises against you.

“So perfect for me. Prettiest girl I’ve ever seen,” he murmurs as he grips your hips with steady hands, urging you to increase the speed of your hips. “Can’t wait to have that perfect pussy wrapped around my cock. Always so tight, yet you take it so well every time.”

“S-Spence, m’ close,” you slur, hands clinging desperately to his shoulders.

“Already? You usually last a bit longer than that, baby.”

“P-Please, Spencer, I can’t-” you whimper, tears once again pricking at the corners of your eyes at the thought of having to wait a second longer.

“Shh, baby. It’s okay, you can cum,” Spencer reassures you, and your shoulders visibly untense. “Cum for me, pretty girl.”

It takes two more rolls of your hips for you to cum on Spencer’s thigh with a cry of his name. Spencer rubs soothing circles into your hips as you ride out your high, murmuring broken thank yous as you come down.

Finally, you still, and your eyes open, pupils so dilated that your eyes look almost black in the dim light of the hotel room.

“You okay, princess?”

You give a weak nod.

“M’great,” you smile, sounding as fucked out as he’s ever heard you. You lean down and slot your mouth against his, and the kiss is slow and languid – soft and unhurried.

Spencer is the first to pull away.

“Need you to get on all fours for me,” he instructs. “Don’t think you need to put any pressure on that pretty little ass of yours right now.”

You giggle at that, before crawling off of Spencer’s lap. You assume the position, and Spencer places a pillow underneath your hips before trailing a line of kisses down your spine. By the time he reaches your ass, you’re writing against him, wiggling your hips eagerly. Spencer places a kiss to both of your bruised cheeks before pulling away.

You let out a startled oh! when Spencer licks up your center, parting you with his fingers before fucking in and out of you with his tongue.

“S-Spence, oh my God, yes!” you cry out, hands fisting in the sheets as he continues to work his mouth against your core.

“Love your fucking pussy so much,” Spencer sighs against you, lapping at your clit hungrily. “Could fucking lick you out for hours. You taste so perfect, Y/N.”

Spencer lets out a filthy groan against you, and that’s all it takes for you to fall over the edge, wrecked moans filling the otherwise silent hotel room. This orgasm hits you both quicker and harder than the first, and he can’t help but smile against you as you rock back against his face, desperate to prolong the sensation. Spencer continues to work you through your orgasm, stopping only when you cease to twitch underneath him.

“Such a good girl for me. Think you can handle one more?”

You raise up just enough that you can look at him from over your shoulder.

“Yes, please,” you beg, voice scratchy and raw. “Please, fuck me.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Spencer chuckles. “Do you think you can lay on your back? I wanna see that pretty face when I make you cum on my cock.”

You answer by rolling over, wincing slightly when your ass comes in contact with the sheets. You look up at Spencer with wide, doe eyes. You have mascara smeared all down your cheeks and your lips are swollen, and to top it all off, deep, purple love bites are dusted across the entire expanse of your neck and chest. Spencer had set out to mark you as his – so that no one would be able to deny that you belonged to him – and he’d done a spectacular job, if he said so himself.

“God, you’re so fucking pretty.”

“Then come fuck me already,” you challenge, looking sated in every possible way – yet still, your eyes hold the same hunger that he’s sure is reflected in his own eyes.

Spencer leans down and traps your lips in a bruising kiss, and without warning he thrusts in you to the hilt. You cry out into the kiss, startled by the sudden intrusion, but Spencer sets a brutal pace that leaves you no time to recover.

“You said you wanted me to fuck you,” he growls against your lips. “Now fucking take it.”

He’s fucking into you so hard that you can’t even manage a reply – you just tighten your legs around his waist and drag your nails across the expanse of his back, no doubt leaving bright red marks in your wake. Spencer can feel his own release fast approaching – honestly, he’s been close ever since the first drag of his tongue against your pussy. And now that he’s finally enveloped into your tight, wet heat, that all too familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach is threatening to consume him.

Spencer’s hand descends from its place next to your head down to your clit, and your whole body jolts with the first swipe of his thumb. You clench around him as a litany of particularly filthy utterances escapes you, and Spencer’s hips stutter.

“Fuck, princess,” he groans, head coming to rest on your shoulder as he struggles to regain his rhythm. “You don’t even know what you do to me. You’ve ruined me for anyone else. Never fucking want to lose you. Love you so much.”

“I love you, I love you, I love you,” you chant into his ear, sounding like some kind of siren, luring him straight to his inevitable ruination. “I’m so close, Spence. Cum with me, please? I want to feel you. Please, baby.”

“Y-Yeah, fuck,” Spencer chokes out. “Say my name when you cum, princess. Want everyone to know how good I fuck you.”

And when you cum with a shout of his name, walls pulsating deliciously around his cock, Spencer is quick to join you. He continues to roll his hips against yours as you both ride it out, whispers of almost intelligible affirmations being shared between slow, loving kisses.

After a moment of post-orgasm bliss, Spencer leaves and returns with a bottle of cocoa butter lotion and a warm, wet rag. You watch on with heavy lidded eyes as he cleans you up, and for a moment, he thinks you’ve fallen asleep. It’s not until he finishes slathering your reddened backside with lotion that you speak again.

“You shouldn’t be jealous, by the way,” you murmur as he lays down beside you. “You’re it for me, Spencer Reid. I don’t ever want you to doubt that I’m anything less than crazy about you.”

It’s everything that Spencer’s ever wanted to hear, and just like that, every fear – every insecurity that had plagued him in the past several months – fell away to nothing. Suddenly, he couldn’t remember why he’d ever been worried in the first place.

“You’re it for me, too,” Spencer whispers as he pulls you until his arms and presses a soft kiss to the top of your head.

“We’re going to have a lot of explaining to do tomorrow, you know,” you remark as you nuzzle into Spencer’s side.

“Don’t care,” he sighs happily. “I’ll shout it from the roof tops if I have to. I want everyone to know you’re my girl.”

“You’re a sap, Doctor Reid.”

“Only for you.”

A moment of blissful silence passes, before the sound of your growling stomach sets you both into a fit of giggles.

“We never did get dinner, did we?” Spencer muses as he lightly runs his fingernails across your scalp. You hum appreciatively and a pleased shiver rolls through you.

“Nope. You were a little too preoccupied with marking your territory to even offer to feed me,” you tease as you run your fingertips down the planes of his chest.

“Well, now that that’s been taken care of - could I interest you in some takeout?”

“Possibly,” you sigh, flattening your palm on his chest, right over his heart. “Do you think that pizza place Trevor mentioned delivers?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.”

“Is that a no?”

“... Look up the number.”

taglist: @90spumkin @moon-light-jukebox @thebookamongmen @pinkdiamond1016 @itsametaphorbriansblog @eldahae

#spencer reid smut #spencer x reader #spencer reid x you #criminal minds smut #spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds fanfic #fanfic #dom!spencer #smut #spencer reid self insert #criminal minds self insert #spencer reid x y/n #matthew gray gubler smut #mgg smut #spencer reid x reader

6K notes · View notes

writer-monster · 3 years

Text

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

#givecaptainamericaaboyfriend #meta #analysis #captain america 4 #caatws #fatws #tfatws #captain america #cap 4 #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #marvel #mcu #mcu phase 4

338 notes · View notes