#also i realise this kinda sounds like i am attracted to them

[sungiesbabygirl]

summary : after your mother re married, you find out that you have stepbrothers. Feeling odd feelings for them that no sibling should feel. It’s only a matter of time before they confess. Which one will it be first? - my imagination

warnings : step!cest, swearing, mutual pining, age gap (the boys are older by 2 years)

pairings : enha!0t7 x fem!reader

a/n : hey guys, so this is a new story I'm writing. It will have multiple parts so please be patient with me for these updates. I'm also sorry this is so short, it was suppose to be longer but I didn't want to bore anyone. I'm also a fairly new writer so no hate please....

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This was a pain in my ass, I hated every single second of it but I couldn’t exactly refuse and go home.

I guess your wondering why I want to go home but can’t, am I right? Well my mum recently re-married to one of the parks, you know the parks that own those really really high fashioned and marketed companies? Yeah them. Unfortunately for me I had to move in with my mums new fiancé, it’s not as bad as it sounds and he’s not the reason I want to go home per say.

The reason I want to go home is because I have 7 step brothers that my mother just happened not to mention. Now don’t get me wrong it’s not at all as bad as I’m making it sound, apart from the fact they’re insanely attractive and day by day I’m going crazy. I know its not normal to like your step siblings but.. when they look like my step brothers its kinda hard not too-

"Y/N get down here right now!", my eyebrows furrow in confusion as I get pulled out my thoughts by my mother screaming bloody murder from downstairs.

Pulling myself up from the comfort of my bed made me realise how quiet it was after my mother had stopped yelling. 'mmh, that's weird. what are they up to now?'. My mind ran with absurd thoughts that I knew could never be true, as my feet padded against the cold wooden floor. It felt like a million years before I reached the kitchen where I saw a mess that was beyond bad, my furious mother standing right beside it giving me a look that said 'if you don't explain I will get out the wooden spoon.'

"Y/N, can you explain to me why you made this mess and tried getting jay to clean it up?", my mother said in that aggressive voice I absolutely hated.

My mind turns blank as I look from the mess, to my mother and then back to the mess. "I swear I didn't do any of that, I haven't even been downstairs this morning." desperation laced in my voice. The air felt a little colder now, maybe it was due to the fact my mother was glaring daggers at me or the fact I was wearing shorts. I couldn't tell.

It all felt very tense my mother has never once blamed me for creating messes and not cleaning up after myself, considering the fact I've been living with her all my life.

"Oh stop lying to me Y/N, first you make a mess in the kitchen then you try denying it, and now your ignoring poor jay who had to suffer with your sorry ass. I'm sick of it." The voice of my mother says, a mix of stress and exhaustion in her voice making my eyes trail to the floor in shame.

Its silent for a few minutes until a low voice that sounded like honey starts to speak from the doorway of the kitchen, "um.. miss l/n, I'm so sorry for creating this mess. There was an emergency at my work so I had to go and sort it out. Please don't blame y/n."

Looking up from the floor my body instinctively turns around, breath hitching in a heart beat as I look at the figure leaning against the doorway. Lee heeseung. I slowly let my eyes run down his body noticing the way his muscles flex under his black shirt and the way his eyes seem darker under his black cap.

As my eyes make their way back up to his face, my eyes connect with his making my cheeks heat up and my body quickly turn away from him failing to notice the smirk on his lips. My mother looks at him in shock a tense air hanging around the room making me shift uncomfortably. "I'm so sorry heeseung, if I knew it was your mess I would have cleaned it up for you."

I let out a small scoff at the audacity my mother held, 'she would do it for him but not for me, it wasn't even my mess.' Feeling a hand on my shoulder bought me out of my thoughts for the second time this morning, but god did I wish I had stayed in those thoughts. As I looked up, my eyes once again held contact with heeseungs dark brown orbs, it was like we were both having a staring contest.. only this one was a fight between instincts and desire.

Clearing my throat I quickly step away from him, noticing the way jay intensely stared at us. 'what the hell is his problem?'. I look up at my mother who already has the cleaning products out and is now halfway through cleaning the mess that heeseung claimed to have made. We all know the only thing he can make is ramen noodles.

"Y/n you can go back upstairs now, you aren't needed anymore.", my jaw falls slack open as I hear what my mother said, she made me come all the way downstairs just to argue with me about something I didn't do? What a waste of time seriously.

Nodding my head was the only thing I could do in that moment, not that she would be able to see it considering her back was facing me but I didn't feel like wasting my voice on her. As I walk away I feel eyes digging into the back of me, I turn around expecting my mother to be glaring at me for not replying to her. But to my surprise, I saw not just heeseung but jays eyes running down the back of my figure. Before turning my head back forward, heeseung looks up at me giving me a subtle wink and putting his lip between his teeth. My cheeks flush a deep red as I quickly face forward. I was so telling beomgyu about this.

#enhamfavl #kpop #enhypen #kpop imagines #kpop reader insert #kpop reactions #kpop smut #enhypen masterlist #y/n x enhypen #female x enhypen

[ceaseless-bitcher]

-TMA Spoilers(?)-

As I re-listen to The Magnus Archives (again), I become increasingly aware of our lack of actual knowledge about how the characters’ relationships develop. We only hear what The Web deemed relevant enough to lure the Fears: interactions directly related to The Fourteen. We hear statements, commentary, encounters, and fights/conversations that specifically develop The Mother’s own plan, as that is what allows her to build her literal web on Hill Top Road.

Even in early seasons, when it isn’t just The Web compelling various people to start recording at points (or turning on the recorders itself), we literally only get post-statement commentary and interruptions. So few give us direct insight into who these characters are beyond their jobs.

It kinda breaks my heart that we don’t get to hear how Jon and Martin slowly grow closer, becoming friends after such a rocky start. We hear Jon’s fights with Tim and Melanie, but the only things we actually get are the breaking points. There are massive gaps in their personal and private lives over the years the story occurs. Jon, Sasha, and Tim were close friends, and yet it takes nearly the entire series to realise that!

We hear Tim make some very interesting remarks in episode 65 (Binary, statement #0170701), in his fight with Jon:

“And the worst thing – the actual worst thing – is that no one here has my back. With any of it! Elias doesn’t care, Martin just wants a tea party, and Sasha – ugh – and you! – you’re treating me like I’m somehow to blame for it all, like I didn’t suffer the worst right alongside you!”

What I find fascinating here is the, “and Sasha- ugh,” as he sounds highly distressed in the recording. We know the two are very close, particularly due to the 2015 Tim-Sasha interaction played in episode 162. They were best friends, so Tim was the most directly affected by the Not!Sasha’s new personality. We can compare the two Sashas to find that the original was far kinder, showing her goofier side almost exclusively to Tim. Right after Tim’s own traumatic experiences with Prentiss in episode 40, his best friend completely changes, refusing to offer him any support. In Episode 78 (The New Cousin, #0011206), Jon can hardly get through a sentence talking about the Not!Sasha. It is so heart-wrenching to know that they experienced that hurt and confusion we never hear in those 7 months (29th Jul, 2016-16th Feb, 2017).

Also, Melanie and Helen were friends??? We never hear Melanie and Georgie’s relationship develop! Listeners are, deliberately, deprived of the soft character-building one has come to expect from media.

I think it’s a fantastic plot device and I completely understand why they did it, but another part of me desperately wants to know the smaller details of their lives. What was the break-room gossip like? What other weird things were kept in Artefact Storage?? How did the rest of the Institute react to the Archives constantly nearly dying??? How often did Elias come down to fuck with them????

What I am arguably most curious about is whether The Mother intended for these recordings to be heard in the universe they enter next. The last word we hear from them come from Basira, after the Panopticon’s collapse:

“If anyone’s listening… Goodbye.

I’m sorry, and… Good luck.”

It implies that the diegetic reason we hear these 200 episodes at all is because our universe was the one the Fears were flung to. If that is the case, then it would make sense that the Web would ensure the next “round” of humans was fully equipped to repeat the actions taken to allow the Fears to escape entropy- the plan is put at much higher risk because the Fears enter at a point where the human population is much greater, with advanced technology and communicational tools that could enable The Watcher’s Crown too fast for favourable conditions for The Web to develop as well.

Maybe the recordings placed into the Hill Top Web weren’t just to attract the Fears, but also to prepare a new humanity to confront them.

#tma spoilers #mine #tma #the Magnus archives #commentary #ARE WE CANONICALLY THE NEXT FEAR UNIVERSE

[littleblueberryartist]

Genshin Neurodivergent Headcanons!

Note: Most of the hcs I have are ADHD related! I know that there's a lot more to neurodivergency than just ADHD, however as someone with ADHD myself I tend to base hcs off on my own experiences and projections lol so if you were wondering this is why

Anyway on with the hcs!

Venti: ADHD

He is. So full of love. He loves deeply and wholeheartedly and cares so damn much be it romantic or platonic attraction (adhd making your feelings feel so big they'll burst right out of your chest)

I think they used to be a lot more emotional back when they first became a god (he's far from stoic and still super expressive now, but he keeps his true emotions under lock and key)

the NB and the Old Mond Gang taught him to love and care and fight for freedom, but they weren't used to the sheer intensity of human emotion (emotional disregulation go brrrr)

holds strong to his ideals and beliefs

the wind is constantly blowing and venti is constantly moving

tons of dopamine from music fr

Coming up with sick rhymes is really mentally stimulating

fast paced brain + 2.6k years worth of experience is how he comes up with new songs and rhymes so fast

Good with words but can get rambly and a bit long winded (not as long winded as ZL tho)

He would do the stimming hand flaps he absolutely would

wing flap stims in archon form too

vocal stims this guy thrills like a bird and makes wind chime noises

hates the texture of cheese specifically but I don't think he says much about the actual taste?? kinda like me with tuna so sensory sensitivity???? (I love cheese tho)

despite being my most brainrotted character I don't have too much in game evidence for ADHD Venti lol it's all vibes

also he's my comfort character so they're just like me fr (and that includes the they/them pronouns)

Yoimiya: ADHD

Easily excited and feels deeply and wholeheartedly (adhd dials feelings up to 100 and that includes the positive ones)

She talks a lot, runs on sentences and sometimes doesn't even realise that she's doing it, changes topics a ton

talkativeness is a way that adhd can manifest and it's one of the ways it shows up in me

her vibes and how she talks reminded me a lot of myself and I got attached (she's just like me fr)

hyperfixates on fireworks don't @ me

Man I sure am lucky I hyperfixated on my family business and never stopped

the colourful lights of the fireworks are a visual stim for her

vocal stims and echolalia

the latter happens a lot when she's hanging around kids bc I do it with little sister

She runs all over the place and is just generally super active and lively (see: her dashing around in the genshin lantern rite promotional vid)

Albedo: ADHD + Autism

only puts in effort and excels in shit that interests him

hyperfixates on art and alchemy he's my inattentive adhd bestie

absolutely twice exceptional (gifted + neurodivergent)

this entire link: https://www.reddit.com/r/Genshin_Impact/comments/mehjk5/hypothesis_albedo_has_adhd_inattentive_type/

He doesn't exhibit many outwardly hyperactive traits but his mind is constantly going

I've seen the Autistic Albedo hc much more than I've seen the ADHD one and I agree with both. Co-morbid king

He likes Dragonspine bc the snow absorbs sound and helps with overstimulation

Sucrose: ADHD + Anxiety

lost her friends before. I'm a bit luckier in this aspect I think, but a lot of adhd peeps have a hard time making and keeping friends

Past rejections have affected how she views herself and her relationships

RSD from both the anxiety and ADHD god help her

This sense of guilt for bothering people just by talking to them even though she knows logically that that's not how it works (aqua your projection is showing-)

Particularly prone to overstimulation by noise because of her enhanced hearing

ND to ND communication with Albedo (and honestly Timaeus too)

Alchemy hyperfixation. Specifically bioalchemy and sweet flower modifications

either way she's the genshin ver of my biology special interest so I want to be friends

Hutao: ADHD (This hc was absorbed over from a friend bc I don't actually know her lore that well)

Whismy!!! Sillay gal!!!

she pulled a me when she was younger and decided "Oh I'm weird? Well guess what I think it's cool so now I will be cringe and free"

would rather die than be bored (me too)

loves pranking and poking reactions out of ppl

Some ADHD ppl like to start drama for the thrill/stimulation

This entire chunk of her character story 1

A lot of ppl with ADHD study or read better while moving around or standing

Doing handstands can also be her way of making things more interesting or challenging (gamification to get rid of boredom)

She's very whimsy as a character but takes her job as a funeral director very seriously

Man I sure am lucky I hyperfixated on my family business and never stopped

Kazuha: some flavour of nd but also ???

very in tune with the environment and good with slight sounds and smells

adhd brain taking in all the sudden random changes maybe???? nature is his interest so it catches his eye and keeps his focus perhaps???? idk the adhd "hey look at that bug" meme

particular about how his food is made even tho he may not always get that luxury with his life as a wanderer, food/sensory sensitivities?????

yeah not too sure on this one but putting here anyway bc I like him

#genshin impact #Venti #Yoimiya #Albedo #Sucrose #Hutao #Kaedehara Kazuha #headcanon #aqua's ramblings

[blonde-tori-spring555]

sexuality advice

something that helped me was trying not to define my attraction. at first, what that looked like it just saying, “okay. im bi.” as if i had always been bi. then i started looking at my attraction as if i had always been bi. if i had always been bi, would i have said i had a crush on this girl? if bring bi was the norm, would i think i were attracted to her?

later down the road, it was saying i was unlabelled. it took me a while to get there because i spent so much time thinking about my sexuality, but when i did it was extremely freeing. i could just say that i liked everyone in a different way and not worry about gender.

so i guess what im saying here, is try out the aueer labels. maybe not to your friends, maybe just to yourself, but try them out and see if they make sense. after all, youve been trying out straight for a long time.

also, stupid thing but something that helped me A LOT: make a self insert character. what is your immediate impulse to give them for sexuality?

you can say youre straight and like women. you can say youre bi and mainly be attracted to men. you can say youre queer and not put a label on it. you could look for microlabels that fit. but realistically, its up to you to decide what you want to call it.

and, just for the record? straight people usually don’t question that much. not saying you are bi, but your feelings are valid.

sorry if this was too much but this is what helped me, i dont know if it will help you personally

if you want to talk more about it though im always here <333

tysm x

the bs thing is i was kinda hinting to my mum like we were talking about heartstopper (she knows i like the show and books and STRAIGHT PEOPLE CAN LIKE IT, thats what heartstopper is about, being inclusive) anyway my mum isnt homophobic she just doesnt rlly get it anyway she says like "people cant know what they rlly r until theyre like 18+" so i ranted to her about how anyone could change at anytime and my lil hint was "im straight now but in a few years time i might realise im bi" and that shut her up

but i might give this a go, it just scared me idk why, like its not like i look at girls a go, ooo i would date her, but i look at boys like, oo i would date him, so i think if lets say i am bi, i would def be more attracted to men, but like sometime my stupid little brain says 'ur just saying it because its 'easier" or 'u dont mean it, ur just saying it for attention' like i just hate it, like ive not rlly had a 'awakening' but like sometimes bi sounds right while other times straight does

but i might do what u say and try our 'being bi' for a bit and see how i feel

it sounds weird but i feel like i need to have this awakening and like i need to see a girl and think ooo i have a crush, like i do with boys

idk its weird

and ik what u mean by straight people dont question it that much, and ik what ur saying because that fact scares me to mf shits, but tbh i only think about it when that area of things r brought into my head yk?

anyway sorry for ranting

#lgbtq #bisexual #straight #confused #idk #god not me abt to cry #haha

[sw1mmingfoolz]

☠️ LINSTOCK - LEE MINHO (THE GENDERLESS EDIT) ☠️

requested? Y/N

pairing: lee know x gn!reader

genres: pirate!au, fluff, angst, royal!reader, captain!minho, kinda slow burn

content warnings: kidnapping, general pirate violence but nothing graphic, some swearing, minho is a very flirty cocky fella, hyunjin is insanely flirty, reader is slapped once, gambling, drinking and being drunk

wc: 15.9k (I'm rounding it properly this time lol)

a/n: hello! in making all my fics gn and more inclusive going forward i decided to rework linstock to be gender neutral as it's my favourite fic of mine and one i worked really hard on! the original also has its fair share of errors (grammatical and spelling oversights mostly) that were fixed in this, and while it's not hugely different one part of the poker scene was changed and only made Minho MORE flirty 😭 so yes, please enjoy this arguably better written genderless edit of the fic I consider my pride and joy! feedback is always very appreciated, i love everyone's comments and tags so much :)

You weren’t sure what exactly startled you into panic first. The salty air burning your lungs was a sharp contrast to your usual, well perfumed bedroom, the rough twine binding your wrists was tied far too tight and leaving indents in your skin, and opening your eyes from your slumber showed you… nothing. It was as black in front of your eyes as it was behind your eyelids, and upon scrunching your nose you found a coarse material covering them. It smelled slightly of oil. Whatever it was caused a scream to get lodged in your throat, and you started thrashing aimlessly in the seat you hadn’t realised you’d been slumped over in. Your neck ached.

“They’re moving?” You didn’t recognise the voice that spoke, a harsh imperative question that burned its way into your cochleas so hard it forced its way to repeat in your brain. You tasted iron, but you didn’t feel like you were bleeding.

“They just started,” Another unfamiliar voice - a gentler, slightly afraid sounding one. There were a few heavy footsteps before a door slammed, and you jolted in surprise at the sound. You tried to pry your wrists apart again to no avail, only hurting yourself further. Your skin prickled with goosebumps.

“Hah, they slept for longer than I expected,” The first voice sounded again, a tinge of amusement lacing the gravelly timbre. “I’ll go fetch the captain. Remove the blindfold.”

“Aye, sir,” The second voice was suddenly louder as its owner moved closer to you, crossing the room faster than you could register his presence. Okay, so wherever I am is quite small, you thought, stilling your arms. Your heart was racing as if it were trying to break through your ribcage, breathing coming out in ragged stutters.

“Where am I?” you were taken aback when your question actually came out. They hadn’t gagged you, at least.

“This might be easier if you don’t speak. Not that I mind, but the Captain… well…” uncoordinated hands pulled unceremoniously at the cloth over your eyes, struggling to untie the knot behind your head. The man spoke softly, which you didn’t expect, words melting on your ears in a stark opposition to whomever had left moments ago. After what seemed like an eternity your blindfold was pulled from your face, and you blinked as you adjusted to the light. It didn’t take long, however, as the room you sat in was dimly lit by a single candle sat atop a wooden crate in the corner opposite you. Wherever you were being held was as small as you’d expected. The man who’d gifted you your sight back moved to crouch in front of you, eyes scanning your face curiously. Your breath hitched in your throat at the sight of him - soft and fairylike, with gentle eyes and an equally clement demeanour. He was pretty, and seemingly full of surprises. Streaks of dirt only seemed to enhance his looks, which you mentally described to yourself as unfair, your eyes mimicking the fast movements of his as you took one another in “Well, you’re as attractive as they say,” he chuckled shyly, brushing your hair from your face. You hadn’t noticed how it’d fallen while you’d hunched over in your sleep.

“Who are you?” You whispered timidly, not forgetting what he had said minutes ago. He hesitated for a moment, before flashing you the brightest smile you think you’d ever seen.

“I’m Felix! Or Yongbok, people call me both. I guess I prefer Felix, though,” You noticed he flicked his eyes upwards when he spoke, lips pursed as he thought of his words at the same time he said them. “I’m trying to be nice because, well,” He gestured to you. “I can imagine you’re a bit scared. And I’m sorry to tell you it’ll probably get worse. Or better! Depending on what you get up to in your free time I guess,” Before you could ask what he meant the door clattered open with as much force as it had shut; only now you were able to look over at who entered. A large man, broad shouldered and brawny, strode into the room with an aura of power you could only deem ridiculous. He demanded the attention of everyone in it, apparently even when there were so few people as you and Felix. The man who followed hot on his heels, however, was somehow even more powerful, despite his slightly smaller frame. His face was extremely cat-like, delicate yet cold, dark eyes betraying no emotion as he adjusted the puffy sleeves of his blouse and looked over you like you were nothing but prey.

“Felix!” He called out, voice authoritative and commanding. It sent a chill up your spine - and you’d spent a good chunk of your childhood around some of Joseon’s most fearsome warlords and generals.

“Aye, Captain,” Felix responded, standing upright and giving him a salute. Captain?

“I did not tell ye to converse with the royal, did I? Unless ‘watch them’ means something rather different to what I was taught?” Felix gave a sheepish apology. Captain…

“You’re pirates,” You just about managed to breathe out, pieces clicking in your head.

“I don’t remember giving you permission to speak,” the Captain said with a quick turn of his head, boots heavy and footsteps loud as he walked over to where you sat. “But, yes.” He smiled at you, a smile that was somehow both charming and unnerving, eyes still lacking any feeling.

“Captain, I will command the ship while you are down here,” The man who had brought the Captain to you finally spoke, and all three of you looked over at him in unison.

“That is, indeed, your role, Chris,” the response he got was sarcastic, and somehow you felt that was par for the course. “Take Felix with ye. He’s to be lookout, I'm quite sure we’re somewhere near Singapore at the moment.” Felix nodded and followed Chris out the door, leaving you alone with a man who caused your nerves to burn when he so much as glanced at you. Which, at this point, was about as much interaction as he was allowing you. He watched you as if he were hunting, and you wondered how you were possibly still alive with your heart racing so inescapably fast. After a few minutes of laboured breaths and hearing your pulse reverberate in your ears, he spoke, allowing you only the tiniest relief from the intense pressure. “So, you have probably come to realise that you have been kidnapped,” He began, tone way too merry for the words he spoke, eyes burning into your own. You felt oddly mesmerised, and in spite of your will to pull your gaze away, you couldn't. “It’s quite simple, really. We are pirates, and we like money, therefore we are holding you for ransom.” He clapped his hands, and you felt further confused by his demeanour. What was this man feeling, what was his story, and why was he so horrendously enthralling?

“My apologies, Captain, but you have got the wrong royal,” you responded quietly, to which he brought up his hand to strike your face. You gasped as your cheek burned, eyes beginning to water.

“I once again did not give you permission to speak!” he all but bellowed, rage washing over his face before fading away almost as quickly as it appeared. You stared at him in shock, wishing you could bring your hand up to massage at the flesh he had just smacked. As if reading your mind, he brought his own hand up, a thumb running across your cheekbone. “My apologies, Your Highness. I am too used to my crew, and even then I despise laying a hand upon anyone” he hummed. “I am just someone who does not stand for disobedience, and perhaps more importantly, someone with airs to maintain,” You merely blinked at him, feeling rather useless as you shifted in your seat. This man was as unpredictable as he was terrifying, and you bit down on your tongue to try and keep your face as stoic as you could. You wanted to give him nothing to work with. “However I feel now I must allow you to explain as I would like to know what you meant by that,”

“It’s quite simple, really,” you copied his speech from earlier, gaze fixed on your lap. “You will not get a single penny for me,”

“You’re the child of Emperor Sunjo, no?”

“I am a child. However, I am disgraced, widely unloved by my family. They will thank you for taking me off their conscience,” Your eyes were brimming again but for different reasons, hot and stinging, but you merely moved your jaw so you were now biting on your cheek. Far be it from you to let this cocky man see you as weak.

“You are a noble. They would not leave you to die, that would do unimaginable damage to their reputation,”

“Their reputation is already damaged. My father’s government is horribly corrupt, and I have been nothing but vocal about it. I myself am surprised that I have not been slain in my sleep,” You laughed sadly, breathily, at your last sentence, knowing your already barely there facade was crumbling.

“In any case, we have already sent the message,” the Captain replied, eyes seeming softer. “My name is Minho, by the way. Not that it matters much to you, for you shall address me as Captain. Which you’re doing a grand job of thus far,” He grinned, tipping his hat towards you. It was plain leather; simple but fitting of him. “We may be the bad guys, but I can promise you that we are not bad people,”

“Captain, may I make a request?” You chided yourself inwardly for never seeming to learn, but this time his hands remained perched on his knees.

“A bold question, but luckily for you I am feeling particularly jolly today,” You swear you saw his eyes glint. “What be your request?”

“The rope is burning my wrists,” you wiggled them a little and brought your eyes to meet his. “Might I request that you remove it? I have nothing to fight with, and I give you my word that I will be most compliant,” He watched you in silence for a moment.

“If you step out of line even slightly, you shall be bound even more than you are now. We are not here to kill or hurt you, so I suggest you make this easy for yourself,” he warned you, tone stern. You nodded, mute in agreeing to his terms, and he pulled his cutlass from the scabbard on his side. You flinched as he cut through the rope in one fell swoop, metal dangerously close to your skin, a cry catching in your throat and dying in remnants on the tip of your tongue. Minho held his hands out to you, at which you stared dumbly, before he rolled his eyes and took your wrists in his grasp. He was uncharacteristically gentle as he pulled you to your feet, moving one hand down to your waist to steady you. You gasped at the touch, knowing if your mother were watching you she would deem you ‘obscene’, but said nothing as you realised why it was necessary. The ship creaked as it rocked underneath you, a motion you hadn’t yet had the chance to process, and you felt yourself stumble as you tried to walk. “Not got very good sea legs, ey?” he jibed, tightening his grasp a little. His thumb rubbed over the angry red mark left in bands on your skin, so soft you weren’t sure if it were deliberate. It made you look back at him, where he held your gaze steadily. Unreadable and seemingly unthinking, as expected.

“I have never been on a boat,” you admitted shyly. He cocked his head, seemingly surprised, and wordlessly guided you to the door. He led you down a long corridor to a small flight of stairs that trailed up, grip still light but sturdy around your wrist. “I suppose I’d better introduce you to the crew, since you’re one of them now,” he smirked, to which you raised an eyebrow. “What, you just expected to sit pretty for a while? We have work to be getting on with.” You nodded slowly, knowing you had no choice regardless and intimidated by how close his scabbard was to your side as he guided you from behind. You were stunned when you saw the rest of the ship, the tiny room you’d just been confined in laying low expectations in your mind to be set alight and blown to pieces. You lingered on the top step as you took it in, Minho above you on the deck with proud eyes. The main deck was vast, three masts flying billowing black sails, a small platform high on the main one holding Felix, who waved down at you gaily. The floor was well polished and shining in the high sun, and the quarterdeck was large, bearing grandiose windowed doors as an entrance. Chris was speaking to a man with shoulder length blonde hair you didn’t recognise at the rudder on the stern, which was just as imposing. You were raised in a resplendent palace, and yet you had never had so much open space before you. You also wondered how such a tiny crew could sail such an impressive barque, but as you looked up to ask Minho his attention was taken before you even held it.

“Captain!” A call came from across the deck as soon as you both emerged, an eager young man hurrying over to the two of you and panting erratically.

“Aye, lad, speak!” Minho commanded, looking around as if after someone in particular.

“Land ho, sir, we’re nearing Singapore. However, we have company.” Lines of worry were etched deep into the crewmember’s face, in spite of how young he looked. Minho reached for a telescope in his pocket, extending it with a satisfying click and watching the horizon.

“Black flags,” he murmured. “It’s not worth it. Tell Hyunjin to bring a spring upon ‘er and fly the yellow jack,” he instructed with a huff, replacing his telescope and bringing you to the battered wooden railings of the starboard to gaze over the vast expanse of sea surrounding you. You don’t recall ever having felt so tiny.

“Will I have to learn all of these pirate terms?” you asked, half joking, to which Minho shrugged.

“It might make it easier for you.”

“Well, what’s a yellow jack?”

“Just a yellow flag,” he responded simply, pointing over your head to where the man he’d just spoken to was hoisting new sails. “They indicate that someone on board has yellow fever.”

“You brought me onto a ship carrying someone so ill?” you asked incredulously, to which you received a derisive snort.

“And here I had heard you were smart,” he scoffed. “No one is ill. We are merely less likely to be approached by other pirates and seamen alike if someone thinks we are.”

“Ooooh,” you nodded as you were brought to understanding. “I’ll have you know I am smart, I was simply raised for royalty, not piracy.” You cried indignantly, unused to having your pride scorched in such a way by anyone other than your family.

“Were you not trained in military affairs?”

“A little,”

“Then you should have ‘a little’ tact,” he said, air quotes around your own words as he mimicked you, You rolled your eyes at his mocking, to which his eyes darkened slightly. You figured no one else was really brave enough to do such a thing.

“How did you deliver the message to my parents?” You changed the subject quickly.

“We simply left behind a letter when we took you. You really shouldn’t keep your windows unlatched whilst you sleep, Yn,” You felt your heart flutter when he called you by your name for the first time, unaware he had even known it. With how used you had gotten to nicknames like “insolent” and “useless”, you supposed you might have soon forgotten it yourself.

“How do you know so much about me?” you murmured dejectedly, and whilst he wouldn’t let it show, your sudden change of disposition took him aback.

“I do my research,” he responded vaguely. “Come on, I want to introduce you to the rest of the crew.”

It hadn’t taken long for Minho to assemble said crew, all of them obedient to a fault. You wondered how many times each of them had felt the sting of his backhand, grimacing at the memory. You sat at a round table, covered evenly in a cloth of green, one you figured was intended for poker. However, at this moment it served as any other table, bowls of a red meat you couldn’t identify sat portioned in front of every crew member surrounded by small dishes of hardtack and pulses. Felix set a heavy tankard in front of you, half filled by a liquid that glinted burgundy in the light. You didn’t need to smell it to know what it was.

“Captain is being generous in letting us drink some of his rum,” The man beamed, taking a small sip from his own cup. “I think he’s celebrating your being here.”

“But I already told him he isn’t going to get any ransom for me,” You sighed. “I am terrified of the ramifications that will hold for me when I turn out to be right.” Felix bit his lip, as if he wanted to press but deemed it too disrespectful. This had to be the most docile bunch of pirates to ever exist.

“Lads!” Again, Minho easily commanded everyone’s attention, clinking his spoon loudly against the side of his drink. “As ye can see, we have a temporary addition to our humble crew,” He gestured to you and the men surrounding the table let out whoops and hollers, Felix clapping you on the back. You gave a shy wave, looking at the faces around you. You could count seven; an extremely small crew, which if anything only made them more intimidating. They seemed relatively successful, judging from the random piles of loot in the corners and lining the baseboard. That’s when you realised; this was the Captain’s quarters. “You’ve already seen Chris, or Chan as we sometimes call him,” He addressed you just as you realised someone was missing, and you started to fear he really could read your mind. “He’s me Quartermaster, and a damn good one. We’ve been close for years. He dines later, and is currently steering us in the direction of the East Sea.” You nodded with raised eyebrows, signalling your intrigue. Minho, seemingly satisfied with the reaction, continued.

“Here on me left,” he gave a gesture to a man who was smiling at you widely, the brightness a worthy rival of Felix’s. “Is Han Jisung. A formidable sailor and quite a way with the ladies, I must say,” Jisung snorted and shook his head, to which Minho laughed.

“Nice to meet you, Yn,” he grinned.

“Next to Jisung,” Minho continued, voice booming with over exaggerated grandeur. “Is Seo Changbin. And next to him is Kim Seungmin. The three all joined at the same time.” The two new introductions nodded at you, and you studied their faces for a moment, Minho giving you time to before he continued. Changbin’s face confused you - features bold and perpetually irritated looking but smile wide and inviting. You didn’t give his body more than a glance, immediately noting that he could tear you in half without a second thought. Seungmin was intimidating in a different way to the others; he was incredibly quiet and watched everyone with intensely dark eyes. You didn’t feel able to look into them for more than a fleeting second, and you wondered if you too could master the rather unsettling smoulder everyone at the table seemed to have. “Next to Seungmin is Hwang Hyunjin, who usually steers the ship.” The man in question was dazzlingly pretty, even with his dirty hair straggling around his face and clothes streaked with black. He smiled softly at you before flashing a wink so small you almost missed it, and you hoped you weren’t blushing as you wondered how someone so docile and downright angelic looking could be a pirate. They all seem so harmless, you thought. “Yang Jeongin is next to Hyunjin,” You recognised him as the man who’d run over to you when you emerged from below the deck, the smile he gave you somehow making him appear even younger. He was extremely fox-like in both appearance and mannerisms, nimble in every movement no matter how small, and wore a torn up beret that he seemed particularly fond of. “And you’ve already met Felix, and meself so… I suppose that’s it!” Minho concluded with a clap, Felix giving you a thumbs up and jostling your shoulder. You weren’t used to being treated so informally, being royalty, but you couldn’t say you disliked it. In fact, it was quite the opposite.

The meal was merry, with the crew talking about their adventures at sea and poking good fun at one another, though you couldn’t help but notice they were wary in how they spoke to and about the Captain. Your tankard was never empty; the rum continuously flowing, and you didn’t recall ever having felt so light. Eventually, though, the pressure in your head was a little too much to handle and you excused yourself with, in your own opinion, an embarrassing lack of grace. You stumbled towards the edge of the ship, hands gripping the railing until you were white knuckled, head spinning and vision hazy. You’d never properly gotten drunk, for your family deemed it unseemly, and you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony of the freedom you felt under the status of someone kidnapped.

“Y'alright over there?” A call came from the helm, shaking you from your thoughts. You slowly turned your head to find Chris looking down at you, face somehow as stoic as Minho’s, as caring as his voice was.

“'M good,” you slurred, wondering if he could hear you over the steadily increasing night breeze. You’d never known how windy it is at sea. “Just had a bit too much rum.”

“You’ll build a tolerance eventually,” He reassured with a laugh, double checking the ship was on course before heading down the stairs and striding over to you with the same strong and wide steps you’d heard him take when you were still blindfolded. “Didn’t take you for such a grog-blossom!” He added lightheartedly.

“I’m sure if I knew what that meant I’d be offended,” you giggled, trying to find your balance. You were thankful for the railing before you, as your nonexistent sea legs were assuredly worse when you were under the influence.

“Yer one to talk, ye ol’ carouser!” Minho’s voice came from the nearby doors, which you had neglected to close. He clapped Chris on the back jovially, the pink tint of his cheeks evident in the beaming moonlight. He was like the star of a play, and he definitely commanded his stage. “Go join the rest of the crew and get some grub in ye,”

“Aye, sir. But Captain, I might advise against steering drunk,” Chris joked, flashing you a wide smile before disappearing into the Captain’s quarters where you could still vaguely make out the raucous shouts of young men having fun.

“I am not that drunk,” Minho defended to you, though you were in no position to question him anyway and you knew it.

“Minho,” you started, before realising your mistake and widening your eyes. “Sorry, I mean, Captain,” he waved a hand at you.

“Seeing as you’re absolutely sloshed, I can forgive you,” he smirked. “What’s up?”

“I have many brothers and sisters,” You started, twiddling your thumbs as you let the railing hold most of your body weight. “All highly decorated, up to their ears in accolades. Why kidnap me?” Minho gazed at you, silently hoping that the air of disinterest and authority he tried to uphold hid the fondness that threatened to creep into his heart as he admired how the moonlight hit your face.

“If you want my honest answer,” He murmured, voice barely audible over the crashing waves lapping at the side of the ship. “I just thought you were stunningly good-looking,” You looked at him with your mouth agape, stunned by his honesty. You gave him a timid smile and nodded.

“I guess you all really do just think with your dicks,” you joked. “Although, aren’t you pirates notorious for, like, violating capties or something?”

“Some, yes,” He responded bitterly. “I have known pirates that have done unspeakable things to taken women especially, and I am not afraid to admit they all met an “accidental” grizzly end upon my finding out,” He looked at the dark horizon as he spoke, inky black sky blending into the sea seamlessly, indistinguishable at points and creating an isolated feeling you never knew you craved. Home was rather hectic. “Have you ever heard of Zhang Bao? Or maybe Cheung Po Tsai, as he may be better known?”

“Vaguely,” You hummed, mind too hazy to recall events that unfolded at least a decade ago.

“He had three rules, and I can still recite them by heart. His third? ‘Women captured from villages shall not be harmed or harassed. All women captives shall be registered, their place of origin recorded, and be given separate quarters. Those who rape or commit adultery with the women captives shall be executed.’” Minho’s voice was suddenly rather sober, and you watched him through half lidded eyes as he spoke passionately. “I personally think the rule is in need of updating to cover everyone, but I suppose he’s a little too dead to care,”

“You sailed under him?” You whispered, and he still didn’t spare you even a glance as he nodded.

“Only briefly. I was loyal to Captain Zheng Yi, and I suppose Ching Shih by proxy.” He smiled sourly, looking down at his hands and back up to the sky. Silver stars speckled the vast expanse of dark, twinkling down at the two of you. You suddenly thought to take a deep breath, night air cold, sodium tingling on your tongue, and you realised for how long you had felt like you were suffocating. “The Red Flag fleet was formidable, and I was proud to be a part of the crew. Having trained under the Tây Sơn it was pretty much a set path for me,” He finally looked at you, and you wondered if in opening up to you the wall would crumble, but his face remained as rigid as always.

“Were you born into piracy?” You asked, anxiety bubbling in your chest at the thought of pushing too far with your line of questioning. However, if you were, he didn't show it, surprisingly open for a man who seemed so closed off.

“I guess so,” He pondered on your words momentarily. “My father was a farmer, and my mother was…” he trailed off, as if reassessing whether he should tell you or not. You willed your face to look encouraging, and it seemed to work, however successful you might have actually been. “My mother was a wench. A prostitute.” His mouth pressed itself into a thin line. “Do not get me wrong, my reaction is not me judging her for it. Rather, I am annoyed at the necessity.” He shook his head solemnly. “It got hard for farmers, as I am sure you know. My father saw his land stolen and torched, and for a lot of people put at such a disadvantage, the seas were the place to turn.” The breeze picked up suddenly, tousling his usually rather kempt hair, and the smell of salt burned at your nostrils as he looked down at you. The prompt silence was oddly comfortable, which you hadn’t ever really thought to be possible, relishing in the way your heart thrummed heavily in its protective cage as you both watched the waves dance harmoniously. You knew you were sobering up, but whatever inebriation fizzled away was quickly replaced with heavy ripples of fatigue. You leaned against his shoulder a little. He didn’t react.

“To be honest, you’re nothing like I would have expected,” You chuckled softly, breaking the stillness you had revelled in. He raised an eyebrow, cocky as always, and you knew you were blushing, your knees feeling suddenly weak.

“Oh yeah? What did you expect?”

“Well I wasn’t expecting you to be so flirty, for starters,” you mumbled just loud enough for him to hear. He scoffed and opened his mouth to retort, but before he could a shiver wracked your body, unexpected gusts raking unseen claws along your skin. He pulled his heavy woollen coat off his shoulders and slid it onto your own so confidently and seamlessly you hardly registered the touch, taken aback by the immediate warmth it provided. You looked up at him with wide eyes, and the faintest trace of a smile graced his lips.

“You looked cold. Now, you were saying I’m flirty or something?” he jibed, yelping when you poked his ribs in response. You pulled the collar of the coat around yourself more, looking down at the way it pooled at your feet. It was overly large on him too. “I just meant, like… Aren’t you supposed to be barbaric, and hurt people? To kill and torch cities and… other pirate-y things,” Minho exhaled sharply through his nose in amusement and shrugged as you continued. “Your crew aren’t the most fearsome either, honestly. Felix looks like he’d cry if he accidentally killed a fly.”

“That has probably happened before. Felix cries a lot,” Minho grinned. “But, Yn, don’t think you know us after one meal together. These men are my family, and they are not to be underestimated. Plus, it’s healthy to cry sometimes, wouldn’t you agree?” He placed a tentative hand on the back of your shoulder, studying your face for a second to see if the red flush the alcohol had brought to your face had dissipated at all. You daren’t look in his eyes as you knew it would return, despite you not drinking any more. You gave a shy nod. “Regardless, you can see them for yourself tomorrow. We’re currently on course to the Hà Tiên Islands, where we will probably have to pilfer food from other pirates, before going for an attack on a Chinese merchant ship that should be sailing the gulf,” He explained. “We can also see what strengths you have!”

“You’re including me in this?!”

“Oh, my sweet little dove,” he hummed, voice smooth as ever. The endearment might have made you weak at the knees if you didn’t know it to be mocking. “You will have the most important role, for you will be like my second pair of eyes. And unless you want us all to dance with Jack Ketch, I suggest you take this seriously, savvy?” His eyes were dark, dangerous, and they made a lump rise in your throat. You nodded. “I’ll brief you tomorrow, don’t worry. You’ll be fine.”

“Well, I have no choice but to be.”

“That’s the spirit! Now come on, you still look positively squiffy!” You giggled at the term, inclined to agree in spite of you still not really understanding him. He was so very persuasive. “Let me show you to your quarters so you can take a good caulk, ey?” You nodded, too prideful to admit you had no idea what he was talking about, sleep beginning to overtake you. It had been a lot to process in one day.

~

You half expected Minho to lead you to the dingy little cabin room you’d woken up in and guide you to the uncomfortable wooden chair again, in spite of him having opened up to you a little more. There raged a war in your mind, as you knew pirates weren’t to be trusted under any circumstances. However, you had never felt so untethered, enjoying feeling like a miniscule speck, as insignificant as any of the tiny stars that had watched over you talk. Your room was rather large, second only to Minho’s, so he told you, a hammock suspended between two sturdy wooden beams and a definitely stolen chest of drawers standing next to a bucket you definitely did not want to know the use for.

“Your uh, clothes,” Minho shuffled his feet, trying hard not to appear shy but not doing the best job. “Are in the top drawer. I trust you can wash them yourself. There is a bar of soap in there too, but don’t use it all at once. It’s rare we come across such stuff.” He smiled at you, and you got the feeling he was a little insecure about it being enough. Almost as if he hadn’t kidnapped a royal who had long lived in luxury.

“Why a hammock?” You questioned, running your fingers over the smooth cloth it was composed of. It was suspiciously clean.

“It rocks with the ship. Trust me, you’ll get the best sleep you’ve ever had.”

“Thank you.” He was stunned by your sincerity, and this time made no effort to hide it.

“It’s no palace, I know, but. I am merely holding you for ransom, not because I want to make your life difficult.” He grinned and bode you goodnight, having you follow him to the door so you could latch it shut behind him. You put your hands to your cheeks, inwardly slapping yourself at how hot they felt, and sat down on the edge of your hammock, fully dazed. In the day you had known Minho he seemed to have shown you every possible emotion, whilst also managing to show none at all. He liked to joke with his members, he was actually rather kind hearted from the looks, albeit commanding and liking authority. He wanted people to look up to him, to see him as a fearsome leader, to come at his beck and call, and he refused to let his feelings show easily. Yet you didn’t feel he had to, and you wondered if he felt just as in tune with you as you did him, as you let the material of your hammock cradle you into what was indeed the best sleep of your life.

Your second awakening on the ship was far less peaceful than the first, which you laughed at inwardly given how tranquil your sleep had been. Felix was rocking your hammock, having the time of his life as you swung wildly side to side, screeching about how you were going to kill him when the vertigo stopped. If it ever would.

“Have ye not tortured them enough?” Minho’s amused voice came from the doorway and you felt your face flush slightly, something you knew Felix would take every opportunity to taunt you about later. He reached up and stilled your bed, grin stretching ear to ear. He found himself so funny.

“If I ever stop feeling too nauseous to stand, I'd say you’d better sleep with one eye open, Lee Felix,” you glared at him as he helped you to your feet and held you steady, still giggling at himself like an excited child. You couldn’t help but grin at his exuberance, shifting away from him when you finally found your balance. “What time is it?”

“Not sure, probably around eight AM,” Minho remarked, peering out of the small round window that let tiny streams of light enter the cabin to check the sun’s position.

“None of you own a watch?” you inquired innocently, to which Minho blinked at you.

“I never really considered the need for one,” he hummed. “You don’t appear to have one either?”

“You didn’t exactly bring my overnight bag,” you chuckled, joining him at the window. Felix slipped out awkwardly, leaving the two of you alone again. The sky was blue and cloudless, again meeting the sea in a shimmering harmony you couldn’t tear your eyes from. The sunlight bounced off the waves, glittering gently, and suddenly you fancied a swim.

“We are due to arrive in around ten hours,” he spoke, turning to face you.

“Aye, Captain,” you smiled, and he couldn’t help but mirror it at your confidence.

“Hyunjin, Chris, Seungmin and Changbin will all be going over to the merchant ship to fight, and Jeongin to plunder, as it were,” he smirked. “Felix is the lookout as always, while you,” he sniffed. “Will be on the offence with me.”

“Would the men going to fight not be on the offence?”

“Well, technically, we are all on the offence,” he chuckled. “We always sink the ships we've ransacked. And then, if necessary, raid the wreckage for parts. But our ship is fine right now, and I do not see that as being necessary.”

“So we’ll be sinking the ship?”

“Correct. I presume you have never seen the likes of a canon before?”

“Not particularly. As I have said, I was only trained a little in combat, and it was all more of the “how to lead an army if your father, mother, and more capable siblings are all somehow unable to” sort,” you snorted. “It’s like you’re training me,”

“I suppose that’s precisely what I’m doing,” he smiled. “You’ll be a valuable member of this crew, I can feel it.” You’d never really felt valuable to anyone, and you felt your heart ache at his words as he turned to leave. “We didn’t bring your overnight bag, but we did provide a change of outfit so you weren’t running around in those nightclothes,” He gestured to the drawers with a grin before he left, and again your heart seemed to skip a beat as you went to change and join the others for breakfast.

“It’s not dark yet,” Hyunjin murmured as he slung a heavy looking rope over his shoulder, checking the grappling hook on the end was tightly secured.

“The sun has set,” Chris replied, redoing the knot on his own hook. “The ideal moment to go across is while they are all eating, which should be any time around now.”

“They’re coming up on our right,” Felix yelled to everyone. You had passed up landing at Hà Tiên as the merchant ship passed through early, and so you were currently obscured behind a large rock formation with Minho guiding the ship expertly through water you would think way too shallow to sail through. You were at the mouth of a cave, one that was apparently deemed extremely dangerous for trading ships to sail through but provided a good shortcut through the gulf, and Minho had all but screamed when he had learned the ship he had his eyes on were stupid enough to take the gamble.

“Ji, take the rudder,” he instructed, voice determined. You were starting to understand what he meant the night before; everyone’s attitude had changed dramatically, with everyone helping each other prepare their weapons and equipment and making jokes you found to be all too bloodthirsty.

“Yn, they’re about to head on over. Come down with me,” he held out his hand, voice dripping with faux sweetness that did little to reassure you, and you all but prayed you would make it out in one piece. You had been assured the job you had, whilst crucial, was the most harmless. And with such a well trained veteran Captain by your side, it was sure to be a walk in the park.

It took no time at all for the crew members transferring ships to reach the merchant vessel, arm muscles flexing as they deftly and easily pulled themselves along. Their ship was smaller than Minho's, a standard trade junk as he explained. It was an older one, evident by the lack of cannon ports, and it groaned in protest as it pushed through the waves slowly. Jisung kept pace beside it, and your eyes widened in awe as you flickered them over the intricate and ornate woodwork adorning the sides; a far cry from the simple wooden railing running the way around the ship you stood on. It almost broke your heart to know you'd have to splinter it apart.

As expected the four were completely undetected, as no one was on deck around or facing the broad stern as they clambered over the railing and set about finding the door that led to the cargo hold. A harsh contrast to the expanse of gleaming wood they darted across, you and Minho were currently in the gun deck, which you hadn't expected to be so small. Dust was caked on the equipment, indicating a lack of recent use. The floor and the ceiling were incredibly close, and Minho was stooping a little so as to not bump his head. He gestured to the cannons by their ports and tables covered in ammunition; both gun and cannonball. Some of the cannonballs were simple metal, while some seemed rather precariously handmade. The wood constructing the room was lighter than the deep red hue of the oak the rest consisted of. He picked up a long, smooth wooden staff, forked at the end, and placed it in your hand. It had rope wrapped around the head where it forked, a little hanging off the wood. "Linstock," he said matter-of-factly, pointing to the staff. "You light that rope and use that to light the fuses. To be honest, they're a bit outdated by now, but so are our carronades. They do the job, so I see no reason to change it." You nodded along as he explained, showing you how to light the rope with flint. He was detailed but hurried, and you wished you'd gotten a chance to learn before being thrown in at the deep end. "I loaded the cannons already, which is the role of gunner's mate. Jisung will fill that role in the future while I steer, but I wanted to be the one to show you what to do. Your face heated up again in the glow of the small flame he produced.

“As you have probably gathered, we no longer have a gunner,” Minho spoke quietly, watching his men the best he could through the small observation window on the gun port. He had half opened all of them on the starboard side and had them loaded and ready to fire, and he had wasted no time in explaining to you exactly how to do so when the time was right. “Our old one had to be… removed from the crew,” He chewed on the inside of his cheek, and you watched him silently. “We’re hoping you can take over, obviously, so.” He pointed at the carronade on your left. “In there we have a grapeshot, which is used first to… tear everything up. It will tear through the sails, cut the rigging, and just kind of mess their ship up,” You were ever confused by him, as he spoke with such passion but seemed so hesitant to do so. He gestured to the cannon on your right next. “The canister shot comes second. I’ll be doing two and you’ll be doing two, and together that should be enough to sink it. She's not a particularly sturdy ship, she's just long,” He smiled. “If you have any questions, I’m afraid it’s too late.”

His eyes were once again fixed on the opposing ship, where Hyunjin and Chris at the very least had been spotted, and were engaged in the most brutal sword fight you’d ever seen. You were oh so used to fencing with its courtesy and rules, and seeing a man get his arm hacked off rather unnecessarily was definitely breaching one or two of them, you figured. Chris was quick on his feet and an incredible swordsman; nimble and agile, whilst Hyunjin was just fast in general, more evasive than anyone you had ever seen. The ships were kept incredibly close to one another by Jisung's expert precision, which made the cannon fire effective, but also obscured your view of much of the merchant vessel. You silently wished you could see more of the action from the tiny hole you peered from, which shocked you, as you had never thought yourself one for such indecent displays. The deck was slowly staining carmine, and you felt the ship rock slightly as Jeongin caught the crates thrown up to him by Changbin and Seungmin and threw them carelessly onto Minho’s boat. “It’s almost time. We have more than enough.” Minho murmured, internally hoping the hands would realise this too and get back to the safety of their own ship. Two men fighting a whole crew on their own was incredibly ambitious, even for them. A flood of sailors ran out to the deck when you realised this, and they seemed completely surrounded. Minho sighed and turned to you, eyes serious.

“I believe in you, okay? On my signal I need you to fire all of them. I admit it’s a lot to ask, but I need to go and fire some warning shots and try to take a few of the sailors out from above,” Panic raised in your throat and bubbled there, words dying behind your teeth as your eyes widened. He took a hand in yours and squeezed it. “Trust me, you will do fine.” He ran up to the deck before you could say anything, both linstock and flint left in your hands. You willed your heart to slow down and continued to watch, waiting patiently for Minho’s signal. You heard shots, and resisted the urge to cover your ears and shut your eyes, an instinct you knew was better listened to. However you were in too deep, and surprisingly, you were less against it than you’d expected.

You watched as Minho’s crew started crawling the lines back the ship, shots coming from either direction as Minho attempted to single handedly cover them. A scream got lodged in your throat and came out as a startled gasp when Chris suddenly cried out and fell into the waters below, and you faintly saw Minho’s expression change as he hung off the small platform on the top of the mast where Felix stood wide eyed and trembling slightly. Minho suddenly aimed down, shooting at the ropes his own crew were climbing across, making you scrunch your brow, but before you could question what he was doing he screamed “NOW!” and pointed in your general direction. More shots sounded and you felt your hands buzzing with static, lightheaded and shaking as you hurriedly lit the fuses of what you remembered to be the grapeshots. Your head was foggy as you strained to remember his instructions, lighting the fuses of the canister shots not too long after, hoping they would fire far enough apart to have the effect Minho had asked of you. You stepped back and covered your ears, eyes squeezed shut after making sure the fuses were indeed lit, and you tried to shut out everyone’s screams as the ship was suddenly propelled sharply to the left. Your head hit the wall, hard, as you hadn’t prepared for the sudden veering and you felt your body hit the floor before you’d even registered you were falling. Your ears rang, you smelled iron and you felt yourself try to cry out. You couldn’t tell if you had succeeded. And then all you saw was black.

"If ye lay one finger on them I will personally see to it that ye can never touch anything again!" A violent hiss was the first thing you heard, before a mumbled apology and some rustling that sounded impossibly far away. You groaned as your head throbbed, wondering if you dared open your eyes. You ultimately decided you weren't going to fall back asleep and braved it, finding your gaze instantly fixed on dark wooden beams. Your quarter's beams were different.

"Captain, they’re awake," you recognised Seungmin's tentative voice, shifting your eyes down and finding yourself surrounded by worried faces. Felix's face was red and streaked, and when Minho finally turned to face you at the very foot of the bed you lay upon he looked as if he'd never slept.

Wait a second.

Bed?

You moved your hands carefully, and sure enough, there were sheets beneath your body, silken and soft to the touch. You scrunched your brows and looked back over at Minho.

"What happened?" You croaked, surprised by the dryness of your throat, your head delivering another dull throb that made your spine feel electric. You winced at the feeling, knowing your eyes were betraying your concern. You then caught sight of Chris, who was shirtless, one arm and shoulder wrapped tightly in clean bandages.

"You hit into the wall when the cannon fired," Minho began, his voice as hoarse as your own. Worry lines were apparent on his face, and while he hid it well from the rest of his crew, he sat facing you with an air of vulnerability you'd never have expected to see. So he does have feelings, you thought jokingly. "I should have thought to inform you of the ricochet, my sincerest apologies. You've been out for a few hours, you hit your head quite hard. I was worried you'd have brain damage, but I think you just fell asleep,"

"Well, that at least explains the throbbing," you chuckled grimly.

“None of us have slept, except Jisung,” Changbin laughed, earning him a punch to the shoulder by the still groggy looking man in question. “Glad you’re not a vegetable,” Felix glared at him for his rather insensitive remark, though you were sure all of them had said far worse. Or maybe not, they were far from typical pirates.

"Yeah, I’m okay. I just have a headache," you smiled, trying to reassure him. "What happened to Chan?" Chris raised an eyebrow at the use of his Korean name but didn't mention it, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he looked at his bandages.

"Got shot in the shoulder while getting across. Nothing too serious, though. Luckily Jeongin is medically trained from his time as a privateer," He grinned at the younger boy, who looked positively exhausted, sitting in an uncomfortable looking chair across the room.

"I saw you," you murmured, the memories flooding back to you as you came around more. "You fell into the water,"

"Changbin fished me right back out,"

"Did I…" you worried your bottom lip between your teeth, taking a shaky sigh to try and control the tears that were threatening to spill over your lash line. To say you were overwhelmed would be an understatement, and they seemed to realise this as everyone but Minho moved back to give you space.

"Don't worry," Minho hushed, his fingers grazing yours so briefly you could've sworn you imagined it. You smiled slightly at the gesture. "It was an overall success, and you sank the ship. Chris was the only other injury,"

"That's a relief," you let go of the breath you hadn't realised you were holding, bracing your palms on the bed and slowly sitting up. Minho let his concern show evident in his face yet bit back his want to fuss over you, merely telling you to be careful. He missed the warmth of your hand next to his, but he'd never tell you that. "Where am I?"

"Jeongin's quarters. He has a big bed, because he insisted on having one to join us," Minho rolled his eyes and Jeongin flashed him a wide grin.

"I'm sorry for stealing your bed," you said, to which Jeongin waved a hand dismissively.

"Hey, you knocked yourself out, even I'm not as evil as to just throw you in a hammock and hope for the best," he chuckled. Minho requested everyone leave and tend to the ship now you were awake and physically fine, and they obeyed immediately. As soon as the door was closed behind them he let the façade crack, just a tiny bit, taking your hand fully in both of his with an urgency you figured he hadn't meant to show. You felt something cold press against your palm, smooth and hard.

"Thank you for waking up," he murmured.

"Wouldn't want you to miss out on that ransom, now, would we?" you smiled sadly, to which he frowned.

"That's not why I want you alive, Yn, and you know that. Rest your head, we're currently stopped on the islands as we'd planned before so there's no rush to get up again. We got a lot of food, material and soap from that pillage, and that's partly thanks to you." You smiled and he left once you'd carefully settled back against the soft pillow, promising him you'd rest. You unfurled your fingers as the door clicked shut, a gold glint greeting your eyes from where the low sun reflected off what you had been gifted. A small pocket watch, on a dainty chain, rested in your hand, ticking quietly. You clutched it to your chest and let it lull you to sleep again, letting your lips turn up at the corners as you did.

~

"Hey, Yn," a gentle voice was luring you out of your dreamless slumber, a small hand resting on your upper arm and threatening to shake it a little if you didn't respond. "Wakey wakeyyyy! It's time to eeeeat," You opened your eyes to see Felix smiling down at you rather adoringly. Why is he so cute all the time?

"Is everyone eating together?"

"Yeah, the Captain told me to bring yours up to you though," he held a bowl outstretched, brimming with foods you definitely could recognise this time, and not a piece of hardtack in sight. You smiled before setting the bowl down on the crate at your bedside, reaching out for Felix. Upon realising what you were doing he took your hands in his, helping you slowly sit up and eventually stand. You took it slowly despite your head not hurting much anymore, not wanting to chance anything, and Felix's brow furrowed as he supported you. "Maybe you should just eat in bed?" He suggested lightly, to which gave a miniscule shake of your head.

"I want to sit with everyone. I'm tired of this room," you huffed, Felix's face evidently conflicted as he tried to figure out whether to coax you back into bed or guide you out of the room. It quickly became apparent that there was nothing he could do regardless, as you picked your bowl up again and started making your way for the doors yourself, and so he resigned himself to supporting you by holding your arms and just hoped Minho wouldn't order Chris to cleave him to the brisket or anything. Minho was scary when he was ordering Chris to do that to people. Felix frowned at how common an occurrence that actually seemed to be during pilages. "What are you thinking about?" You frowned at how pale his face was.

"Nothing! Nothing at all." You squinted at him but decided not to push it. “You know, I’m really glad that you’re okay. And you joined our crew.” The vulnerability in his voice made you reach out to squeeze his hand instinctually, smiling down at him as he walked behind you on the stairs. “I love the other members but I’ve never had a friend like you,” His smile was timid and hesitant, making you squeeze his hand again. He seemed to be scared he’d lose you as soon as he’d gained your friendship.

“I’m glad I met you, Lixie,” you reassured him softly, causing him to beam so genuinely you thought you would cry. He was sunshine, personified.

“That’s a shame, because I’m pretty sure Minho is about to kill me for letting you out of bed,” he joked, arm around your shoulders to steady you as the tide picked up. You laughed together as you headed for the quarterdeck, steeled ready for Minho’s scolding.

"Yn, are you sure you're okay being up so soon?" Minho asked for the hundredth time (or so it felt). You nodded, shovelling more food into your mouth, not having realised how ravenous you were after almost a straight day of slumber. You were happy that Minho’s concern took the form of incessant nagging over anger, but you wanted him to eat instead of boring his eyes into your skull.

"If you keep asking I will nod my head harder," you threatened, to which he scoffed.

"That will just hurt you more,"

"Exactly," you grinned, eyes burning into his. His tongue poked at his cheek but he simply continued eating, the crew members letting out mocking "ooooh"s. Minho rolled his eyes and turned to Chris, who was eating from a bowl Hyunjin was holding in front of his face. The younger male was chortling as he did so, though he stopped to flash you another wink when he caught you looking. Such a flirt.

"How's yer shoulder doing?"

"Positively unmovable," Chan responded around a mouthful of rice, nose scrunching up in distaste of his situation. "I've had worse, I guess." You shuddered at the thought of what "worse" could possibly be, thick scars in various states of healing a prominent fixture of his broad chest, and decided you'd rather not know. The rest of the meal was quiet, clattering of spoons and chopsticks against metal bowls deafening in the silence. You wondered how long it had been since they'd eaten such a hearty meal, and felt a sense of guilt wash over you. You had taken plenty for granted at the palace, you realised.

"Hey Jisung, could you help me clean these up?" Changbin spoke suddenly, snapping you from your thoughts. Everyone was talking amongst themselves and sipping on rum, empty bowls and plates strewn over the table, and Minho was rummaging around in a nearby cabinet.

"What are you looking for?" you asked, leaning your chair back to speak to him as an aside. He glanced over at you with a smile before going back to digging through the small drawer, which was filled with random trinkets.

"These… and these…" he responded slowly, producing a pack of cards and a bag of mismatched, heavily used poker chips from the bottom of the disjointed collection and setting them before you. He saw Jisung up tidying and took the opportunity to steal his seat next to you, knee resting against yours wordlessly. You looked over at him while he kept his eyes fixed on the cards, shuffling them with deft fingers as he waited for everyone to be ready. "It's poker night. Do you know how to play? Five card?"

"I learned horseback riding and fencing," you scrunched your nose. "Not gambling and… killing people." You earned a snort and an affectionate eye roll from Minho, who dealt only you five cards. "Ooh, you have a fifty-two card pack!" you exclaimed, eyes surely sparkling, to which Minho cocked his head.

"I thought you didn't play?"

"My dad does," you said, words tasting bitter as you spoke them. "I at least know that fifty-two cards is a new development,"

"Impressive," he grinned, showing you how to hold the cards. "So here you have a pair of kings, which you should absolutely keep, and what you exchange out of the others is up to you. You're trying to make the best hand and win other people's chips," he explained, taking more cards from the deck to show you. "Ace is a high card unless used in an ace two three pattern straight," he continued, taking you through the picture cards, and what a "flush" meant. The crewmembers watched, mildly enthralled and joking amongst themselves, but their words fell upon deaf ears as Minho and yourself crafted a bubble separate from the rest of the world.

"I think they get it now," Felix said with a nudge to your shoulder as you did your fourth practice round, trying to figure out the strategy. Minho looked at you expectantly, waiting for an answer, and you gave him a miniscule nod.

"Let's try,"

~

"Isn't that cheating?"

"What?"

"You literally lied to me," Your mouth was agape, genuine offence burning on your nerves as you took in Chris' single pair of threes. He laughed loudly, everyone else somehow having folded early on and leaving you both battling head to head. You could have beaten him.

"That's called, bluffing, Yn," he grinned cheekily. "It's a strategy, not a cheat."

"He does cheat a lot though," Felix mumbled, earning him a hard whack on the arm. "Ow!" You laughed at them and rolled your eyes, shoving the pot towards Chris. Minho's knee was still against your own, moving slightly every so often to rub against it. You knew he saw your blush every time, and you wondered why he hadn't mentioned it.

"So," you started, watching the Captain deal everyone's hands again. "How did you all come to join the crew?"

"Didn't expect to have this conversation so early," Jeongin smirked, changing two of his cards and sighing heavily. He had the worst poker face you'd ever seen.

"Who wants to go first? They already know my story," Minho grinned at you, causing Chris to pipe up.

"That probably leads to me, right? I served the Red Flag fleet with him, under Zhang Yi, and I helped Minho escape after the Captain's death."

"Best friends since we were crew members together," Minho said fondly, hi fiving Chris. "It started with just us two, in the tiniest little galley," he reminisced. "Oi, Hyunjin, splice the mainbrace would ye?" He instructed with a raise of his tankard as soon as the younger made a move to stand up, to which the crewmember rolled his eyes.

"I was literally just going to piss," he deadpanned crudely, to which Minho shrugged.

"Piss afterwards, then."

"Aye Aye Captain," Hyunjin responded, picking up the empty bottles of rum and leaving to get two more. For the first time, you noticed Minho had less of an accent to him when he spoke to you in comparison to the crew.

"We met Seungmin, Jisung and Changbin in the strait of Malacca, where they were just bouncing between crews for food and a place to sleep. They helped us on our first big "job" I guess, and we ended up on our first clipper," Minho smiled at the memory. "Everyone knows what my response was-"

"We've got a fuckin' mizzen!" Chris, Seungmin, Jisung and Changbin chorused, all mimicking Minho's voice in dramatically different ways. They erupted into raucous laughter and you couldn't help but join, finding him incredibly endearing. You were sure if you knew what a mizzen was you too would be excited.

"We were finally off that little dinghy,"

"And then we found Felix," Felix perked up and smiled at the mention of his name, looking away from the cards he'd just been poring over.

"Oh yeah!"

"Our first "man overboard!" call," Chris recollected, eyes turned upwards as he thought. "I jumped in to grab him and Changbin helped me pull him up on deck. He was thrown overboard by his old crewmates, and we still have no idea why," You turned to face Felix with wide eyes, and he shrugged.

"I don't know either! Maybe they just found me annoying or something," he pouted, to which you frowned.

"I will kill anyone who makes you feel that way," your voice came out in a low growl, shocking even yourself, and everyone around you laughed loudly.

"So protective! Your partner is so loyal," Jisung teased, and you did not miss the clench in Minho's jaw.

"My only love is the sea," Felix cooed in response, his eyes flicking nervously up to his Captain before he looked back at his cards. Hyunjin returned and started pouring more rum for everyone, whispering 'pace yourself, darling' in your ear teasingly as he brushed past you. Another clench.

"I was also found overboard, having fallen and gotten swept to sea during a fishing trip," he explained as he finished pouring Minho's drink.

"I have no idea how we got so lucky, everyone we simply stumbled upon has been incredibly adept," Minho grinned, a hand moving to rest on your thigh suddenly. Again, you looked up at him, ears burning, and again, he merely looked at the table.

"Jeongin was last. He actually fought against us, once. He was a privateer," Chris said, the youngest of the group taking a long swig of rum and grimacing.

"Don't remind me," he laughed. "And we're supposed to be the evil ones. Working under the government really does open your eyes. Bunch of bilge sucking bastards." His eyes landed on you and you shifted uncomfortably in your chair, knowing exactly what he was getting at without him having to say it.

"Don't look at me like that, I know," you sounded more defensive than you meant to. You hated the pity their eyes held and as such didn't look up at any of them. "Honestly, being here has given me more freedom than I ever did at home. My father is a terrible emperor, and my siblings are insufferably competitive. They take every opportunity to tell me what an embarrassment I am. When I got caught kissing a friend as a literal child out of pure curiosity, I was locked in the shed overnight for 'being indecent'," you hadn't realised you were rambling until you caught onto what you'd said, taking in the sudden shock on everyone's faces. "Yeah, you were insecure about the ship's conditions but I wasn't living a total life of luxury," you laughed halfheartedly. Minho’s fingers massaged your flesh reassuringly, and his smile, his horrendously beautiful smile, blossomed a warmth in your heart you really wanted to get used to.

"You’re free to kiss whomever you like here, so uh. Make of that what you will." Minho grinned, sneaking a glance at your cards and nudging your shoulder. You had no idea how you'd managed a royal flush while not paying attention, but it took everything in you not to squeal when you noticed it. Felix asked why your ears were so red as you felt a slight squeeze on your thigh, and you concluded that your poker face wasn't so great either.

"How are you so good at that?" You asked Minho as he cleared away the cards and chips. He'd eventually swept everyone, though since they shared loot as a crew evenly (their democracy certainly stunned you initially), it was widely meaningless anyway. Just for fun, they said.

"I mentioned Ching Shih before," He reminded you as he slid the door shut, turning around and leaning back on his palms against the cabinet. "She runs a gambling house now. She taught me pretty much everything I know. However," He was closer to you now, impossibly so, and you hoped he didn't notice the tremble that shook your whole body when his hand grazed yours. "You're one to talk, Royal Flush," he smirked, heading for the door and leaving you stunned by the wall, alone. "If the hammock is too uncomfortable I'll kick Jeongin out of his bed!" He called behind him, having forgotten to mention it before. You decided to go up to the deck and watch the sea for a while, feeling it too early to retire to your quarters. You checked your pocket watch again to confirm that notion, smiling as you did every time you checked the time that day. You had never considered the act anything special before.

~

The night breeze was cool on your face, slapping colour into your cheeks and biting at your nose. You regretted not bringing a blanket to wrap around yourself, hugging your torso as you listened to the sounds of waves against the side of the ship. Goosebumps prickled on your skin only to melt away again when you ran your hands over them quickly, watching your breath condensate in front of your face. The moon was full and high in the sky, surrounded by her smaller celestial friends, all winking down at you as you gazed up at them. You felt them filling your eyes, overcome by awe, and suddenly tears pricked. For once you didn't try to hold them back, knowing you were alone, letting them run silently down your cheeks as you watched the horizon. Being kidnapped wasn't supposed to feel so good, was it? The way they looked at you, the way they joked with you, the way they didn't treat you like something fragile or ask you to keep up airs. You choked back a sob, and another one, and another, as your hands wrung each other tight. Minho watched you from his doorway, and he considered saying something, but he eventually retreated back into his quarters unseen.

"You looked cold," you couldn't tell if the fabric hit you first or the words that graced your ears, but either way they were comforting in tandem, a silky voice paired with a soft blanket thrown lopsidedly over your shoulders. He didn't look at you, and you were thankful, as you wiped your streaky cheeks.

"Thank you," you whispered. It wasn't just for the blanket. He knew.

It was a while before Minho let you join in the more violent, hands-on side of piracy again, leaving you to spend most of your days watching the sea from your window, taking inventory, or drinking and playing poker with your newfound friends. You and Felix got on incredibly well and on slower days would make your own fun on the deck of the ship. Sometimes you shot extra ammunition at dummies made of sacks full of sand for target practice. Sometimes you’d play “I spy” from the crow’s nest, although that usually consisted of “I spy something blue” being the prompt and either the sea or the sky being the answer. Minho taught you to batten down the hatches in case you ever needed to, and you used the privilege of your upper class education to teach Hyunjin, Jisung, and Seungmin to read and write using a box of chalk that was pilfered from a ship off the Western Australian coast and a slate tablet Chris had chipped off for you on a random island you’d all just decided to explore. You took an interest in foliage and flora, to which Minho responded by bringing you random flowers he found pretty on the isles you traversed to tuck behind your ear or ask you details about, glaring at the crew when they’d tease him about his strange mix of bashfulness and ever present cockiness. He wasn’t as hard on them as you’d first expected, though, as everyone in the crew was incredibly close. You enjoyed your freedom and the peace, exploring the seas and feeling so very close to the Earth, but eventually you did crave that adrenaline again, and you hated when the crew would go on jobs and leave you sitting behind in the confines of the Captain’s quarters.

As such, when Felix yelled “sails, ho!” and everyone set to grabbing their usual equipment, you pulled Minho aside to give him the best pleading eyes you could muster.

“I don’t want you getting hurt again,” he said monotonously before you could say a word. Again with the mind reading.

“I won’t,” you promised, hearing the eagerness in your voice and knowing it leaked through into your expression as well. “I’ve been practising. You need a gunner,” You placed a hand on his arm and gave him a small pout. “Captain.”

“Stop weaponizing your cuteness,” he scolded unseriously, waving a hand in defeat. “Go set up, then. If you get hurt, your new role is tutor!” He called after you but you were already too far down the stairs to give him a reaction, busying yourself at the shot racks. You peered through the observation window to find Chris and Hyunjin already shuffling up their ropes, and began loading the cannons quickly.

~

“All set in here?” Minho asked from the stairs, hat almost falling off his head as he swung his head down to look at you. You giggled as he fumbled to keep it on, giving him a wide grin and a nod. “Yep! And from the looks of it, this ship had a really small crew.” You gestured for him to join you at the window, and he peered through to find Jisung and Changbin easily fighting off a small group of men one by one, as if their whole strategy was taking turns to get completely bodied. You grimaced slightly at the sight of Changbin’s cutlass emerging from a sailor’s back, slicing through the flesh like it were warm butter. Changbin was very top heavy, and very useful for it.

“That’s good for us,” Minho grinned at you, squeezing your hand before he had realised he was even holding it. The crew on the other vessel’s deck surveyed the ship for a moment before heading back for their ropes, giving you a thumbs up when they saw you watching.

“Lots of rum and beer!” Chris cheered, and you whooped back at him as you waited for Felix to give you the all clear.

“Looks like we’re getting drunk again tonight,” Minho chuckled, to which you shook your head.

“I think you’ll find I plan on getting absolutely squiffy,” you said with a giggle, to which he laughed harder.

“Look at you, fast learner,” he commended, but before you could keep the jokes going you heard Felix shout from above deck.

“All clear, Yn! Take ‘er down!”

“Fire in the hole!” You yelled back in response, however upon lighting the fuses you realised you weren’t the only one who had just said that. Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as you saw the glint of an eye in the small gap of the other ship’s gun port, which you hadn’t noticed was open, and threw your weight onto Minho. For a moment you wondered if it would work, for he was heavily built, however he was also not braced for impact and fell to the floor with a thud, the two of you flying back to the wall.

You kept your body covering his, arms over your head as a single cannonball broke through the side of the ship with a power it thankfully lost rather fast, rolling dully into the corner opposite you. You thanked whatever deities might exist at the opponent’s shoddy aim and cheap, plain metal cannonballs as your own carronades fired, sinking the other vessel quickly and easily. The hole in Minho's ship made by the cannonball was not low enough as to allow water in, but you knew it had to be patched quickly anyway. The Captain called up to Chris and informed you that they’d be pilfering the wreckage for materials to patch the hole and keep around for the next time something like that might happen, promising you could join them next time. He hesitated by the stairs before turning back to you, gaze tender on your face.

“Thank you for saving my life,” he whispered, the vulnerability causing his face to burn. He was thankful for how dark the room was. He reached over and hovered by your face, thinking for a moment, before opting to kiss your cheek as usual and letting his thumb graze the side of your jaw lightly before running upstairs to tell the crew what had just happened. You put your hand against your chest, and wondered which of the events had caused your heart rate to pick up so much, before busying about cleaning up the area.

~

Minho was right - apparently rather often. You were an excellent gunner as he had predicted, once you got used to the cannons, and in your opinion a great fit into the crew. The boys loved having you around, and days faded into weeks, which in turn faded into months. You learned that a mizzen is the third mast on larger ships in the end, as you watched the sails billow in the wind, and every night Minho would stand next to you as you silently observed the sea. When you had first met, you had caught on immediately that he wasn't a fan of words. You'd come to realise he didn't need them.

He got bolder, as the seasons changed, clammy hands stealing grasps of your own in the heat of summer and calloused fingertips brushing your hair behind your ears in the gales of autumn. Your smiles were more frequent, your laughter bubbly and jubilant, and you found yourself rather proficient in poker and rummy. His lips found your cheeks, and your forehead, multiple times, and it went unaddressed at every one. At one point you let your lips press against his cheek in return, and you didn't realise a human being could be so red. Felix witnessed the whole thing, and it was all the crew spoke about for weeks as the leaves began to depart their branches. Stolen kisses on the face became a regular occurrence when you were away from the crew, but you avoided one another’s lips, as if playing a game neither of you had explicitly agreed upon. The branches bared.

~

"You fight like a fencer,"

"Maybe because I was one?" your smirk was short-lived as his sabre grazed your chest, his eyes glinting mischievously as the wind nipped at your exposed arms.

"That doesn't really work if you're a pirate,"

"It doesn't matter, you could just pull a gun on me anyway,"

"You learn so fast!" behind his mocking was genuine pride, and your laughs carried along the breeze to dissipate in droplets of salt water. He chased you around the deck valiantly, the swishing of his sabre satisfying to your ears as you made little effort to defend yourself. Felix watched from the mast and Hyunjin from the rudder, the two exchanging knowing glances every so often as their Captain allowed himself to laugh so freely.

You continued into the night, dancing with one another and singing shanties, twirling around your deck in Minho's arms in the finest clothes they’d managed to steal for you. Light cotton trousers swooshed around your ankles as you hopped around, Minho's eyes twinkling as he gazed at you. He only wished it wouldn't ever stop, especially so as the rum granted you the courage to finally mould your lips to his, smiling into the kiss as the crewmembers screamed in the background. He kissed you back so fervently you felt you might explode, his hands gently resting on the small of your back.

Had anyone noticed your absence? He wondered. Were people looking for you?

Something was off about that night.

He stood beside you at the railing as always, the growing chill of the approaching winter gnawing at your exposed skin. But this time there was no blanket. He wouldn’t look at you, feeling the cold air grating at his lungs, leaving them raw. He wanted to take you in his arms, to give you the little warmth his body managed to keep contained, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Yn, we’re-” he strained to speak, although he knew he would have to eventually. His stare was downturned. “We’re… we’re nearing Joseon again.” You stood entirely still, swearing you could hear the gears turning in your brain as you processed what he was trying to say. Your eyes narrowed, and you swallowed thickly.

"What?"

His face was forlorn and his eyes would not tear themselves from his hands as he stood next to you, dark clouds obscuring the stars that usually observed you so diligently.

"We're nearing Joseon again," he repeated the words in a small voice, which was unlike him. He'd said enough for you to understand, and it made rage fizz through you, threatening to pop.

"Tell me you're not fucking serious. After everything we've been through, you're taking me back?"

"I mean we took you for-"

"Yeah, the ransom, I get it," you spat, and somehow you felt you had the power over him this time as his shoulders shrunk. "You're not getting one, why won't you believe me? To say I really thought I was a part of this crew," Vitriolic tears were burning at your corneas, brimming up and boiling over in unison with the waves of anger that shook your entire form. The tide picked up, and the boat rocked.

Memories you held dear started crumbling to ash, your hands trembling violently, as you wondered how the most genuine happiness you’d ever felt could be pulled from you so quickly. You felt as if you were falling, hurtling towards the same rock bottom you’d already visited so many times, and bile raised in your throat.

"Yn, really, just let me explain-"

"Don't fucking bother, Minho," you fumed as you stormed to your quarters, hands balled into fists. You turned back to watch his face change as you addressed him by name. He wouldn't hurt you. You knew that by now. He opened his mouth as if to say something more but thought better of it, leaving you alone to break down in your hammock, sobs wracking your body as you watched the sky. The clouds had mostly parted and the moon shone full again, her shining sisters blinking as stunned as yourself. You looked up at her sadly before turning to look at the blanket draped over the chair in the corner. A lone, delicate, pink lotus - a flower you'd taken a strong and vocal liking to during your many travels to and from Vietnam - laid suddenly discarded on the deck in view of your window, waiting to be swept up in the wind and lost to the sea. “You asshole.” You didn’t know if your insult was directed at him, or yourself.

~

"Did you know about this?" Your voice was quieter than you'd have liked as Felix tried to work quickly, rope once again tight and coarse against the skin of your wrists and ankles. You were allowed to keep your vision this time, for which you guessed you were supposed to feel grateful. Felix merely looked at you sorrowfully, ever unable to hide his emotions as the lump in his throat grew. "We tried to argue with him," he whispered as he tightened the knot for the last time. "Chris almost knocked him out. I mean, who kisses someone like that and then does this? Fucking blighter…" You sighed, heart pounding and nausea building gradually in the pit of your stomach, rising and falling in your throat with the words you wish you could say. How could you do this to me, why aren’t you all fighting for me, did our time together mean nothing to you… you didn’t feel any number of questions would settle the betrayal that laid heavy in your chest. Minho entered the room and picked you up without saying anything, arms hooked under your shoulders and knees. Before you could ask him any of the million questions that flurried around in your mind, he handed you to Chris, who you hadn't seen behind the door. He led everyone out to the ladder to disembark, not saying a word the entire time.

You watched as he stayed on the ship.

You watched as the only real home you’d ever had became smaller and more distant.

You watched as everything you had ever cared about slipped from your grasp as quickly as it had fallen into it.

I guess my luck has run out.

~

Your eyes glazed over as you laid limply in Chris' incredibly solid arms. At any other opportunity you would have been poking mildly flirty fun, but your heart felt like it had sunk to your toes, ticking gold metal pressed firmly into your palm as a cruel, sadistic reminder that you weren't as wanted as you'd easily been led to believe. The two men started making their way towards the road, air so tense it was stifling. They did not have to walk very far, as a man dressed in the palace staff garb was quick to meet you by the shore. His tall sandals kicked up sand as he stepped towards Chris, not even bothering to look at you as he produced a scroll and began to read from it.

"We have been expecting you, pirates," he began, unsuccessfully trying to hold back a snigger at the words he'd been instructed to deliver. "The palace would like to request that you dutifully keep the now title-less Yn, as they are a perpetual disgrace to the Royal Family and their country alike. The terms of your ransom are rejected, regardless of what you do with them. Should you kill them, you will be doing our great nation a favour," He coughed and rolled the parchment back up, turning on his heels to walk away towards a hut stationed just off the beach. Felix blinked slowly after him, looking over at Chris, who mirrored his expression of shock and appalment. Your ears rang, stomach churning and heart seeming to sink further, which you hadn’t thought possible. You had known it was coming, you had known they would reject you upon your return, but you had not expected the statement to be so viciously blunt. You had never considered it your home regardless, but now you had lost the one place you did. The flames of rejection licked at every fibre of your being, indolent tears not bothered enough to push past the corners of your eyes. You didn’t register them. You didn’t really register anything. You knew you were shutting down.

"Fuck, what do we do now?" The younger whispered, not daring to look at you in case he burst into tears, his own heart aching in spite of him never even having met his parents. Chris slowly turned to find Minho had followed them off after all, watching with clenched teeth and a red face.

"Take 'em to their quarters. Immediately," he all but spat, eyes dark, like a brewing storm ready to wreak havoc. They were readable this time, yes, but you weren't sure if you prefered that as his shoulders began to tremble. You weren’t sure if he was angrier at your family or himself. You hadn't realised the tears were now running down your face until you sniffed, suddenly embarrassed and wanting to make yourself as small as possible, which you attempted to do in Chris' arms. Felix drew the blade strapped to his thigh and cut your binding as to allow you to curl up, and Chris found himself massaging small circles into your shoulder. They were all stunned beyond words, as if they hadn't believed the stories you'd told. You couldn’t fully blame them. You had heard many a tale of barbarism during poker nights and mealtimes, however they were usually physical and gorey. They had underestimated games of the mind. Chris did as instructed, bringing you to your quarters and whispering an apology before shutting the door. You couldn't say you cared for how many times this had happened now, déjà vu hitting you hard as you came undone at the click of the latch.

You had always considered the sound of knocking to be rather irritating, however you had never imagined it on this level. It was frequent, day and night, various voices begging you to come out and speak to them, however as the palace help's words ran laps in your brain, you could not find the drive to do anything except cry bitter, bitter tears, clutching your pocket watch to your chest with a heavy heart and drifting in and out of sleep as the hours passed. The taste it left in your mouth was acrid - the taste of betrayal you figured - as you chided yourself repeatedly for daring to think you could ever find a family, or belong anywhere. You were free help, and a broken dream of riches. He should have just discarded you on the beach to die, you figured, and be absorbed into the sand; let the earth claim you as no one else would. Minho’s voice grew more tired - at some points he even sounded like he was crying - but the last thing you wanted was to look at his face.

So what changed? You asked yourself.

What led to him sitting on the edge of your hammock, face pained, cheeks pink and streaky where salty tears had marked their trail? Your stomach knotted itself over and over, teeth sunk into the soft skin of your inner cheek and eyes flitting everywhere that was not his face.

He had fallen asleep with his back against your door, tremors rippling through his muscles in the harsh chill of the growing winter. The season reminded you that almost a year had passed since he had taken you, and you hated that you felt so taken by him. It had been hard for you to try and hoist him into your hammock; the movement had woken him up, and now he sat expectantly, eyes downturned and mask crumbling by the second.

"Why would you do that to me?" You finally managed to speak, voice embarrassingly small, feeling pitiful under the gaze of a man you felt foolish for having trusted. He got up to move to you, crouching before your legs and taking your hands in his. "Did you really want me off the ship that bad?"

"No! If anything, I wanted you to stay so desperately it terrified me and I just kind of… shut down!" You watched him in silence, trying to decide whether you believed him or not. "As I literally always told you, it was never about the money," he continued, swallowing his tears and willing himself to look strong. You wished he'd just drop the act for good. That he'd just trust you enough. "I admit, I didn't believe you about your family. And I was wrong for that; I genuinely apologise. I didn't think anyone could be so downright cruel to the children they chose to have. And I'm a pirate! The people I know are barbarians and yet they are nothing compared to the people who birthed you! Hell, Ching Shih marrying her adoptive son didn't even cause me to feel this nauseous, and that shocked all of us! I apologise for putting you in such a horrible situation and for not communicating the plan to you. I can only imagine you were scared and I feel like an arse."

"What fucking plan, Minho? The plan to make me feel like I might finally belong somewhere only to pull the rug from under my feet and try to deliver me to people who consider my existence their biggest mistake?"

"I had wanted to offer you a permanent position on the ship, I had just wanted to collect the ransom first," He stuttered, struggling to explain a line of thought he knew had been wrong and rash.

"I was gone for months, Minho. Why do you think no one tried to find me? Why do you think I kept telling you you'd not get even a penny for me? I feel so stupid for finally letting myself believe I could be happy. For trusting a disgusting, evil, twisted pirate such as yourself."

"You don't really think that about me,"

"I do right now,"

"Yn, please trust me, you really do belong here. We all love you so much, our ship is so lively because you're on it," he hesitated, his hands still on yours, grateful you hadn't pulled away as you looked at him with more venom in your eyes than he could handle. "And if I'm honest, I think I love you a little too much," he added the admission quietly, at which point you felt the anger wash from your face entirely, alongside any colour that might have resided below your skin.

"What?"

"I mean that I am hopelessly in love with you," he laughed, avoiding your gaze. "And that scared me, because I'm pretty sure people like me aren't supposed to feel that way, and I struggle enough with portraying my feelings, and I am supposed to be this big scary Captain, and I made some very stupid decisions, and I cannot begin to apologise enough-" you laced his fingers with yours to stop his rambling, and he looked up through his lashes at your stunned face. "Yn, you are, unequivocally, a big part of this little family. You are an incredible sailor, a masterful gunner, and most importantly, we love having you around, so," he held your palm up and pressed his lips to it slowly, as if waiting for you to bat him away or protest, and when you didn't, he smiled triumphantly. "I really want you to know you do belong here, and I want you to stay." Your eyes searched his, heart flipping in your chest, as he dared inch closer, your eyelashes kissing one another’s cheeks as his hot breath fanned across your lips. "With me." He finished in a whisper. You reached a hand up to cup his cheek, thumb tracing the chiselled bone, your other travelling further to grab his hat and set it upon your own head. He smirked as he finally leaned in to press his lips to yours, impossibly tender for a man so apparently fearsome, short and sweet as he tested the waters. It was as if he were afraid you might fade away beneath his fingers, and far be it from him to lose you for good. He felt as if his heart had erupted in his chest, fire and water all at once, fireworks of all colours. He had never really expected to find such pure happiness. Born to be evil, so said his path from the start, but your gentle touches and radiating kindness lit a warmth in him he'd never known he needed to feel, and now didn't think he'd survive without.

"Just promise you won't pull anymore stupid shit? And believe what I tell you about my own life and family?" You requested, making him pout cutely. A rare sight, and one you knew you alone were blessed with.

"I promise." another gentle kiss, then a slightly stronger one, and a contented sigh against your lips. You were both far from noticing the eyes of curious men crowded around the small window in the door and their subsequent hollering.

“You really aren’t a bad man,”

“Just a stupid one. But, in spite of my idiocy, you’re like, my Pirate Royal now,” he grinned at his own cheesiness, to which you snorted.

"We can work on the title, Captain,” you hummed, carding your hands through his hair as you kissed him again, and again, and again. His eyes misted over as he smiled between kisses, and finally, the wall came crashing down.

#i was writing a new reaction but am posting an old fic instead i apologise agskshdj #skz #stray kids #lee know #lee minho #stray kids lee know #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #lee know x reader #lee know fluff #lee know scenarios #lee know imagines #skz fluff #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids fluff #stray kids imagines #lee know angst #skz angst #stray kids angst

[lydias--stiles]

#12 and #14 for the kiss prompts? :)

12. Sneaking away to a hidden corner to share a secretive kiss + 14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished.

(secret dating + celeb au)

Her phone had been exploding by the time she woke up. Her personal phone, which meant personal issues, which meant her stomach churned with nausea before she drank her morning coffee.

Her alarm clock indicated it was seven am. Ten am in New York, her brain calculated, and she itched to text Luke about his morning. But if she grabbed her phone, she'd have to be confronted with whatever was going on.

Taking a steadying breath, she pushed herself upright, wiping a curl from her cheek, and unlocked her phone.

Shit.

Flynn sent her a link to a tabloid that broke the news, to which other publications quickly picked it up. Or rather: gossip. They had no actual news. Julie harrumphed. She hated the tabloids and those teenybopper papers; she knew it boosted her popularity, but she also wished they stopped existing altogether.

Luke and her hadn't even noticed the paparazzi, or fan, taking the picture. They had foolishly presumed no one cared about pedestrians in New York, so by extension, them as well. Luke lived bicoastal and rarely got approached on the East Coast.

But they pushed their luck.

The other texts were from her management, her P.A., her record label, Carlos, Carrie, Reggie, Alex, and Luke. She skipped all of them to reply to him first.

Luke: are you okay???

Julie smiled. Of course, he wanted to make sure she was okay first. She hadn't checked the comment section under the Teen Vogue post yet, but she imagined several were nasty towards her. Luke Patterson was the sexy golden boy after all, the one that revived punk and headlined festivals all summer long.

Not that she wasn't talented, too. Julie was just... quieter, she supposed, a presence felt but not as boisterous as Sunset Curve. Pop ballads were her forte.

She texted a response. yeah, i'm fine. surprised though. i didn't realise we were being watched. how are you feeling?

He read it immediately and replied. kinda relieved?? is that bad to say??? i wanna show you off jules

The singer rolled her eyes. It was no secret that Luke fell first and harder for her, which showed in all his actions. Deeply physically affectionate, always showering her in compliments and hyping her up, and saying stuff like this: wanting to show her off. It sounded so boyish.

A public relationship was the last thing she wanted, however. It never ended well. So many celebrity couples broke up, or got divorced, while in the public eye and indirectly forced fans to pick a side when it was none of their business. She wasn't intending on breaking up with Luke any time soon, but she didn't want to entertain the public's fantasy in the first place.

This photo wasn't helping.

Albeit not incriminating - they were just talking - it did add to the pattern people were noticing between them. Both were 'single', conventionally attractive, around the same age and in the same industry. It made sense. Stranger assumptions have been created.

Luke sent another text. i'm back in la tonight. catch up tmw morning?

Logically, she should say no and wait for the rumour to die down. In reality, she wanted to see him all the time, and so she agreed and sent a cute selfie with a thumbs up.

~*~*~*~

She noticed him immediately. A twill hat, sunglasses, a vintage t-shirt and cargo pants, hopping on his heels while he waited for her outside a brunch spot. Julie willed herself to not speed up and grab someone's attention, keeping her face in check when he caught her eye.

"Hey- oh!"

Luke snatched her hand and dragged her into an alleyway in between the brunch place and a laundromat. Grinning, he got rid of his glasses and swooped down to kiss.

Julie gently clasped his cheek, enjoying the moment. Yesterday, she was so afraid everything was ruined, their careers and their relationship. Now the kiss stilled her thoughts.

"Hey," he exhaled. "You look nice."

The compliment widened her smile. "Thank you."

Luke and Julie met at the afterparty of an award show. She had won Best Pop Album and his band won Best Alternative Music Album. The entire night, they drank champagne and giggled about the weird sides of the music industry, lamenting about snobby producers and reminiscing the greatest venues. They exchanged numbers and the rest was history.

He just got her, in a way no else did. Though he had a totally different personality, they shared the same norms and values. She was, like, kind of in love with him. A perfect smile did that to a girl.

"How was the rest of your trip?" she asked.

His mouth twitched, gazing at her in that overwhelming, fond way. "I missed you. The boys are so done with me."

Julie laughed. "I can imagine. And I missed you, too."

The hands on her waist tightened. "Explain to me again why no one can know?"

"It's not that 'no one' can know. Everyone in our close circle knows. I just don't want the public to put their noses in our business. But... I didn't think it would be this hard." Her eyes averted to the dirty asphalt. Even their shoes matched. "I don't... I don't want you to feel like I'm ashamed of you, or something."

An incredulous chuckle left his lips. "Jules, the only thing I'm feeling is luck, okay? Trust me. You-" He paused. She looked up to find him struggling with his words. That never happened.

"Luke?"

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me," he rushed out.

Oh. That was kind of like a love confession, wasn't it? Before she second-guessed herself, Julie threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, hard, humming in delight when he responded just as intensely. His thumbs pressed in her hipbones, raking down her bum and up her spine. It felt desperate. More than a 'hello' or 'goodbye' kiss. It felt like a promise. And they refused to let go of it.

His mouth was hot against hers. Ragged breaths shared when they separated for split seconds before chasing the other again. With Luke's back pressed against the brick wall, she felt powerful, and wanted, and happy.

This was insane, making out like this in an shadowy alleyway in broad daylight, but she couldn't find it within herself to care. Because he was one of the best things that has happened to her as well. She got it now. The thought of someone else shooting their shot with Luke made her ill, to the point that hard-launching Luke on her socials just once to get it over with sounded rather appealing.

Damn it.

Pressing her hands into his shoulders, she let go and took a deep breath. Luke stared at her, dazed and puffy-lipped, with messy hair. She felt like a frenzied high schooler that just made out for the first time.

"Um," she trailed, blinking, "let's... let's go eat."

He shook his head with a laugh. "Yeah, sure." Luke placed the sunglasses back on his head and went to move back into the daylight, but Julie grabbed his bicep before he could.

"And after," she added, nervous, "I'll... announce our relationship on my socials. Because you're really important to me, too."

~*~*~*~

send me a kiss prompt for juke

#i read hidden corner and immediately thought about a regal au where the princess and her guard kiss in the shadows of an alcove but #i went with this instead lmao #juke #julie and the phantoms #jatp fics #kiss prompts

[writethelifeyouwant]

Made For You | Chapter 11

Summary: Dean and Sam like what they have together, and if screwing your brother screws with the universe’s “grand plan” while they’re at it, then even better. Neither of them has ever cared much for tradition or fate, but it turns out there are some destinies you can’t escape. Sometimes, someone is just made for you. 

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader  Rating: 18+ Warnings: Incest Tags: AU, Time Jump, Omegaverse, Alpha!Dean, Omega!Reader, age difference, taboo relationship, scent attraction, true mates, surprise rut, knotting, Dean has intimacy issues, angst, denial, old wounds, rejection Bingo Squares: @spnabobingo - Rut Word Count: 2.1k

Series Masterlist

Y/N's POV

Dean is quiet, and he’s gone completely still behind you. It barely even feels like he’s breathing. Your chest tightens anxiously, immediately feeling like something has gone wrong even though you have no logical reason to feel that way. But right now, your heart feels like it’s dropped into the pit of your stomach, the space that had felt so empty only a moment ago now brimming with dread, erasing your appetite completely. 

“Dean?” you speak hesitantly, swallowing with difficulty around the lump that’s risen in your throat. “What’s wrong?” You know something’s wrong, you can just tell. 

“Huh?” the alpha startles behind you, his chest heaving unevenly against your back as he takes a deep breath. 

“It–” you break off, saying it out loud just sounds silly. “It feels like something’s wrong,” you force yourself to say, squeezing your eyes shut even though you’re already facing away from Dean. You’re not sure what not looking at him will do to protect you, anyway. 

“What, uh–” Dean pauses, seemingly as nervous about speaking as you feel, though you still can’t imagine for the life of you why. “What do you mean it feels like something’s wrong? Like physically?” his voice suddenly pitches up in apprehension. “Am I hurting you?” Dean starts shifting behind you, trying to pull away, but his knot is still keeping your bodies locked together, and your hiss of discomfort immediately stills his manoeuvring. “Sorry,” he cringes, probably having caused himself some small amount of pain as well. 

“No, it’s fine,” you shake your head, trying to allay his worry but still unable to look at him in your own anxiety. “Not physically, I meant like… I don’t know, it sounds stupid, but it felt like something changed, somehow. Like I felt kinda… sad and scared, all of a sudden.” You feel supremely awkward trying to explain it out loud, because the same way you can sense that something is wrong, you can also sense that those emotions that were washing over you weren’t actually yours. 

“Y/N,” Dean starts. Stops. Thinks. You get another ripple of something that doesn’t feel like it belongs to you; something akin to guilt, or regret, maybe. “What do you think is happening here?” the alpha finally asks softly. 

It’s not a question you were expecting. Honestly, you’d been expecting Dean to tell you that your dad had texted you and was on his way to the Roadhouse with a battalion of state troopers or something along those lines. That, or that you’re actually terrible in bed. Your mind scrambles to find a way to answer his question in a way that doesn’t seem too forward or clingy–and then it hits you exactly what’s wrong. Dean has your phone. He must have seen the article you left open the last time you’d used the device; last Friday, before your heat kicked in. 

“Oh,” you breathe out in dread realisation. “You, um…” you can’t bring yourself to say it. 

“I’m uh–” Dean huffs and laughs, a deep warm sound blooming from his chest, and you can tell he’s trying to make light of the situation, ease the tension. “I’m looking at a forum asking “I’m the wettest I’ve ever been, is he my true mate?” he laughs again, brimming with uneasiness. 

“Okay, in my defence, I only clicked on that link because it sounded really funny,” you rush to explain, avoiding the real question at hand. 

“Yeah, okay, I’ll buy that,” Dean chuckles softly. His arm comes down in front of you, placing your phone face up on the mattress where you can see it, and he gently puts a hand on your shoulder. There’s a false comfort in the gesture like he’s trying to placate you before he lures you into some kind of a trap. He takes a deep breath. “Why did you google that?” he asks, voice scratching uncomfortably on the words. 

“I, um,” you gulp, trying to stop your throat from closing up in fear and cutting off your air. “I… you feel it too, don’t you?” Your voice sounds pathetic, pleading, hoping against hope for validation of the tumult of emotions that have been raging through your brain ever since you met this alpha three days ago. Dean’s silent, and in your awkwardness, you feel the pressure to keep talking. “I mean, this feels different, right? To normal, I mean. Like… I know I don’t have a lot of experience, obviously, but I’ve dated alphas before, and I’ve had heats before but nothing has ever felt the way I felt when I met you. I’ve never actually wanted to sleep with someone before last Friday. I mean, sure, I’ve been curious before, but I’ve always felt just sort of apathetic about it. But then I met you, and you gave me your number and you, I mean, you offered straight away–” you feel Dean scoff lightly behind you “–and with anyone else, I would have ignored it. Or even been offended by it. But I actually wanted you.” 

Turning carefully in his arms, his hand still resting on your shoulder, you force yourself to look up at the alpha you’re pouring your heart out to right now. 

“I needed you,” you correct yourself, eyes searching his pale green eyes staring back at you with unfathomable emotion. 

“Y/N,” Dean sighs halfheartedly, and you shake your head on instinct. You can feel what he’s trying to say to you, and you don’t want to hear it. “Sweetheart, look, I’m not denying how attracted I am to you. That would be fucking pointless, given our current situation,” he smirks wryly for a moment before his face falls again. “Clearly there’s something… compatible about us–” you can tell he’s choosing his words very carefully “–your scent is so damn nice, and I wanted you the second I set eyes on you. But I’ve been around the block a few more times than you have, I’ve… I’ve felt what you’re talking about before. I’ve felt that about someone else, a long time ago now, but back then I always thought that he…” 

Dean freezes, clearly not having intended to say that last part out loud, and you feel your eyebrows raise in surprise. It’s not that it bothers you at all, you just wouldn’t have imagined someone who carries themselves like such a ladies' man would be anything other than straight. Fuck, what if that’s what Dean’s trying to tell you? 

“Are you gay?” you blurt out before you can stop yourself, immediately feeling your cheeks heat up in shame, but Dean only laughs lightly. 

“I like to say that I’m… not picky,” Dean lands on the description with a small smile, and you’re relieved that he hadn’t taken offence at your outburst. “But, that’s not my point. My point is…  I thought someone was my true mate, once. Back when I was about your age, really. And honestly, if true mates exist, or if one exists for me… I think it would have been him. But it wasn’t. I just don’t think that’s in my cards; no one deserves to get saddled with me forever,” Dean looks at you sadly, pityingly, and you feel sick to your stomach. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” he whispers. It’s your turn to be frozen in silence now. “I’m so sorry. If I’d realised how you felt before we– I never would have– I didn’t mean to take advantage of you. When you said you’d been waiting for sex because you were waiting for me, I didn’t think you meant… it never crossed my mind that you thought we were true mates. I was just thinking with my dick, and I was flattered that you were attracted enough to someone like me. I mean, I’m probably twice your age, when you ran away with my number after you shot me down I never figured I had a chance.” 

Your mind is reeling, the storm of emotions clouding your thoughts no longer distinguishable from one another, and you say the first thing that makes it to your lips, still trying to make sense of all of this. 

“But, I went into heat,” you object. “I shouldn’t have been close to one, but being around you… my body reacted to you that way, no matter what my mind was thinking. And you… your rut,” you stumble awkwardly, trying to reason your argument out loud, trying to make Dean understand. “That doesn’t just happen, right? That’s not normal. You said it yourself, there’s something about us that’s compatible,” you press, cringing away from the desperation in your own tone. “I’m not saying I’m in love with you, I know we barely know each other. But there’s gotta be a reason we felt so drawn to each other. And being true mates really is the only thing I can think of that explains it,” you finish lamely. You can see in Dean’s face that you haven’t convinced him. 

“I hear what you’re saying, I do,” Dean says, tone trying to be comforting. “But there’s a lot of other reasons why this would never work out, even if I believed in true mates. And I’m sorry, Y/N, but I just don’t. I can’t.” 

Dean tries shifting on the bed again. You’re still tied, naked, and cradled against each other, and despite everything that’s being said between you, something about that physical connection still just feels right. Like it’s keeping you grounded, somehow. Dean moves again though, and you realise what he’s doing. He’s not just adjusting himself, he’s trying to leave. 

“No, Dean, wait,” you try to assuage his restlessness, but he doesn’t stop. 

“I’ve gotta… I’m sorry, I have to go,” Dean isn’t looking at you. He pushes a hand between you and wraps a hand around himself, easing his cock out from between your hole as gently as he can manage, but his knot is still halfway inflated at least, and it hurts when he finally manages to free himself. His face looks dour, and he’s hunching his shoulders in a way that you’ve never seen him hold himself: like he’s nervous, or unsure of himself. 

“Wait, please,” you sit up in bed, pulling the blanket up to your chest to cover your skin. Now that Dean is pulling his own clothes back on haphazardly it feels wrong to be so casually naked in front of him. “Can we talk about this? Maybe go get some food and some coffee or something? We’ve been cooped up back here for practically the whole time we’ve known each other, can’t we give this a chance in the real world?” You know you’re begging but you can’t help it. As soon as Dean was no longer inside you an emptiness began to expand in his place, opening up a space for all the uncertainty and regret in the room to creep in and make its home. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dean shakes his head, now mostly dressed, and trying to tug on his boots without untying the laces–not with much success. 

“Why not?” 

“I’m still in a rut, Y/N,” Dean snaps, and you shrink back at the unexpected ire in his tone. “If I stick around and you’re somewhere I can get to you, I’ll just wind up taking advantage of you again. I’m not gonna force myself on you,” he grunts, finally managing to get his shoes on, and standing back to full height with an air of finality. 

“It wouldn’t be forcing yourself on me if I want it,” you protest feebly. 

“You don’t know what you want,” the alpha brushes you off. “I thought I did when I was your age, too. But what you’re feeling… it’s just gonna lead you down a road that you don’t want to be on. You don’t know anything about my life, about what kind of person I am. I’m not a good guy, Y/N,” Dean shakes his head dejectedly, almost laughing in derision but clenching his teeth around the sound, his jaw twitching angrily. 

“Why don’t you give me a chance to decide that myself?” you bristle, not appreciating being dictated to. 

“Because I’ve gotta go, sweetheart,” Dean grimaces, his eyes flickering down towards his feet then skating briefly over your clumsily-covered body, and you can see him lick his teeth behind his lips, clearly holding something back. He takes a breath, forcing himself to look you in the eye, and you hope, maybe, he’s thinking about changing his mind or letting his rut take over again. But he lets out the breath in a hiss and gives you an abrupt nod of farewell. “Thanks for the fuck.” 

And then he’s gone.

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Series Tags: @outofnowhere82 @ladysparkles78

We’re All Mads Here: @vulgar-library @negans-lucille-tblr @fandomfic-galore @petitgateau911 @schaefchenherde @kickingitwithkirk @little-diable @laxe-chester67 @kassyscarlett @austin-winchester67 @flamencodiva @katbratsupernaturalwhore @letsbys-library @fictional-affairs @leigh70

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#spnabobingo #dean x reader #alpha!dean #omega!reader #smut fic #angst fic #supernatural fic #supernatural smut #wincest #omegaverse #made for you #series #please read warnings

[syscourse-confessions]

I am (diagnosed by a trauma specialist) traumagenic. I have DID.

I feel like being traumagenic comes with so much pressure. You cant support non-traumagen systems, it feels like. That's the reason i havent said anything on my blog. it feels like a hot take in traumagen world.

Tulpamancy is a bad word, I listen to what people say about it, specifically people who are from the groups having their culture appropriated... but non-traumagenic systems aren't all bad. I can acknowledge the parts of the whole community that can be improved while still being a bit of a fan of them.

You know what all of this reminds me of? Neopronouns. Bear with me.

I used to be disgusted by neopronoun users, when i was way younger. Before i used them, obviously. I bought all the rhetoric! "They make trans people look bad", "they make nonbinary people look bad!" "they're making a mockery out of us" "they have so many excuses!" "they aren't really nonbinary, they need to find a different word for it."

Sound familiar? I don't think i need to spell it out. Replace some words with others and you get anti-NTG syscourse.

I know pointing out similarities in discourse is not mind-blowing. You can do this with lots of things. But i feel like if you take a closer look, think about *posts* that you are *casually reading* EVEN IF ITS NOT ESSAYS OR ADVERTISEMENTS and even if you aren't boosting them, then you'll notice a good amount of syscourse boils down to kneejerk reactions, bad analysis of good facts, fair points that propose insane solutions.

You cringe at them, look at the science for traumagenic systems and say "they aren't like us, but they're using OUR resources and OUR words!" not even realising that they *also* need our resources and our words. They aren't appropriating our language, they're using it. Getting top surgery as a trans person isn't depriving breast cancer survivors, to use an analogy of a recent ask from an anon. The science doesn't even matter, and if they're trying to justify their experiences by proving they can be the same as us just sans trauma, that's because YOU have made them feel like they have to in order to exist. You make fair points about cultural appropriation, really good points actually, points that I can't contest and do not want to. You make good points about singlets and normies looking at NTGs as freaks and then dismissing our whole community. But then a lot of you decide that means all NTGs are ill-willed and that the opinions of fucking *singlets* should scare us into hating completely innocent people. You hate them.

I guess I'm unique in this discussion. I can't hate anybody as much as my abusers. All of my hate is away from syscourse, busy with other things. I'm not made of the stuff, it's a finite resource of mine. I guess I spare some for people who post videos of their children, people who are attracted to kids, etc. But those are obviously extreme people that I don't find myself encountering so often. I can't hate NTG systems because they aren't the types of people who would've caused any of my trauma. I guess it's my fault for setting that as the bar? You tell me. But I can't hate them, and the more that others do, the more sympathy I feel. The more I start to actually kinda like them, as a community. They don't seem like the types to tell me my trauma didn't happen, and that I'm not a system. They would never be the doctor who said I don't have DID just because I didn't know what dissociating was. They would never tell me I'm not traumatised based on my good grades. They just wouldn't, I've met a lot of them outside of tumblr. They're decent people, and they don't hate traumagenic systems. And yet I can think of traumagenic systems that have told me I'm not traumatised enough. Getting molested as a little kid and surveilled and shit wasn't traumatising enough! They had it worse :rolling_eyes:. I can easily picture a traumagenic system doing any of the bad things I just said NTGs wouldn't.

I hope someone out there considers all of this. At least enough to look at supporters and refrain from harrassing them and being disgusted by them (I've been bullied about it before. My heart goes out to NTGs that have to put up with bullying.)

By the way, are people allowed to submit things un-anonymously?

.

(Answering your question: You can post non-anonymously! Whatever your preference is.)

#syscourse #syscourse confessions

[thestobingirlie]

I am not sure if you are interested in this but what do you think abt Byl3r? Because it feels like if you dislike R0nance as a ship, then it means that you probably do not like Byl3r either? Because both of the situations have many similarities between each other. I mean canonically, Mike and El have been dating for years and Will basically feels romantic attraction for Mike, the boy who is his best friend but has been dating his sister for a long time. Do you think the show is going for Byl3r or is it just that Will's feelings are unrequited? Because if they're going for Byl3r then it is a pretty messy situation too. I feel like the show has not enough time to break up Mike and El, and then mend their platonic bond after the heartbreak, and then give Mike and El the time to heal, and for Mike to have a sexuality crisis and then building up his feelings for Will and then making them a couple. Also considering the fact that El and Will are basically siblings... that doesn't sound so good either.

first things first, when it comes to the kids ships (other than, like, lumax) i don’t think about them much. mileven is cute, and so is byler. though i do agree that i don’t know if there’s enough time left to actually end on byler. realistically? i think at most, it’d probably end more on the hope of byler in the future, then the two boys actually dating. you know, like vague kind of gazes and looks, but no actual confirming.

because, yeah, for byler to happen, we need el and mike to end on good terms, recover emotionally from the relationship, for mike to sort out his sexuality, realise his feelings, and then ask out will. and considering the duffer brothers have said they’re diving right into the action, i just don’t know it there’ll be enough time.

and i don’t think i’d equate byler and r//nance, for a few different reasons. the first being, i can see mike and el ending on good terms. they both love each other, and want the other to be happy, i just don’t think it’d be too difficult for them to decide they’re better as friends. while the same can’t really be said for steve and nancy. steve was pretty destroyed after the breakup. though if mileven ended horribly, then yeah, i could understand el feeling betrayed. but as it stands, a mileven break up and el’s feelings on it are hypothetical, when we know what happened with steve and nancy, and there really isn’t any changing it. another thing is that byler really has their own relationship, separate to mileven, while the only reason robin and nancy know each other is because of steve. so the two relationships aren’t quite as intertwined.

but i suppose depending on what the el and mike break up looked like, it could end up a r//nance situation.

so yeah, i haven’t really got a dog in that fight, and as long as it’s well written i wouldn’t mind either way. i know a lot of other people look a lot into the two relationships, but i honestly don’t think much about them. i can see mike having feelings for will, though i don’t know if he’d ever act on them. but yeah, in my eyes they’re all 14/15, so it doesn’t really matter who’s endgame. they’re all still babies, you know?

i will say though, i think when it comes to byler, some people focus too much on the actual relationship. will is incredible gay rep, whether he ends up with mike or not. and i think this tendency to need gay characters to end a series in a relationship is kinda weird. i just think sometimes we should appreciate will more on his own, rather than always alongside mike

#just gonna put in the tags that i am not anti either of these ships! i have nothing against them or the people that ship them #i really don’t want people coming after me. okay? i’m too lazy #will byers #mike wheeler #el hopper #stranger things #asks #anon

[aspd-culture]

I really don't want to being this up with my therapist so I kinda wanted to vent here and ask you if this sounds like aspd.

Kinda a disclaimer I have Aspergers, ADHD and depression diagnosed as well as trauma from being hospitalised (psych ward) quite young also big ass trigger warning

The thing is I relate heavily to all if the symptoms like I can place them personally onto myself and things I do.

I've been a serial liar since I was child, ppl irl even now don't ken the the real me I've spun a web of lies ab myself, nothing of great grandeur, just to cover up the tracks of things I don't want ppl to know as well as I enjoy lying frankly

I have low empathy, i always kinda have done. I've never really felt that pain I just can't muster the energy to give a fuck, I really don't fucking care, like that's a you problem it doesn't concern me nor does it threaten me so I don't care.

I've never felt remorse for my actions I feel like if I harm someone, lie, or manipulate them they kinda deserve it and ik that they probably didn't but they hurt me or they hurt my image or my reputation so they have to pay, they have to know that I have that power over them.

I often get violent urges and thoughts, most of the time in the form of a day dream if sorts. TW but I really wanna beat someone into a pulp esp if they thought I was weak or they doubted me/angered me. I often ponder the question to myself that if I did kill or harm someone like that would I feel something or would I get a similar feeling to when I fantasize ab it, would it scar me for life? Would I realise I was wrong? I mostly do this to try ground myself as I've gotten in some rlly nasty fights before because it ended up being all I could think about.

I've broken the law many times either through selling, buying or doing drugs. Shoplifting and pickpocketing (haven't been caught yet ab any of these ones) as well as multiple charges of assault.

I lie to people I consider my friends about caring ab their problems or opinions and I can't keep friends for particularly long unless their drug buddies

However I think I can feel love in a romantic/sexual sense but I think most of my past relationships have been nothing but obsession mixed with the fact I like having someone who cares that much ab me and I like having a lot of sex. Like I need you to be mines, if they even mention they find another person attractive then i just want to fucking maim someone. You can only be mines until I get bored of you. Then as soon as I get bored all feelings towards them cease and I gotta fake that I'm upset.

I do a lot of things that are considered "morally bankrupt" according to my therapist but I always feel like I'm not a bad person, I just can't let people know I do bad person things.

Sorry for the vent

Alrighty gotta start this off with a real quick boundary about a term you used. Please do not use the term Asperger's when talking to me (ideally, not at all). It is a literal N*zi's name. I also hate the aspie supremacy aspect of it, but honestly that's not my main issue with it, my main issue is that term literally means "not disabled enough by their autism to be gassed so let's give them to our freakshow n*zi doctor so he can experiment on them until they die that way". Thanks. /nmay just frustrated by the use of the term. I know not everyone knows.

That said, I am still ok with answering the rest of the ask for you. I cannot diagnose you, and anything I say here is really just info I'd advise you to take to your therapist, not a way of avoiding talking to them about it.

One major part of ASPD that you didn't mention at all in your ask is disregard for safety/wellbeing of yourself; you just mentioned others. PwASPD not only have trouble avoiding putting others in danger, but themselves too. We tend to get ourselves into situations we can't easily get out of, start fights we know we can't win or haven't considered if we could win, etc.

Another big thing that I noticed in your ask is an egocentric way of thinking and speaking that is not super common in ASPD. Arrogance is an associated trait, but usually people I've talked to with ASPD have a more complicated relationship with the justification for the things they do (justifying to yourself to avoid responsibility is actually a symptom of ASPD) as well as with their self-esteem. That said, many of the symptoms you're talked about here definitely do seem to match up with some of the criteria...

I wonder if it's possible you relate to the symptoms of either just NPD or both ASPD and NPD? I am by no means an expert in NPD and I don't know you particularly well but just answering basing off of the wording of your ask and such I would advise you do research into that as well as ASPD. They can be comorbid. In fact, because the way that cluster b disorders develop are all relatively similar (trauma and failure to develop a secure attachment style), it's somewhat common to have more than one of them.

I hope this helps.

#tw asperger #tw ableist language #tw ableist term #tw n zi #tw n zi mention #tw antisemitism #aspd-culture-is #aspd culture is #aspd culture #actually antisocial #actually aspd #antisocial personality disorder #aspd #aspd awareness #aspd traits #npd #anons welcome #tw violence mention #tw violent thoughts

[mylittle-sunshine]

Today is my dad's birthday and in three days will be his death anniversary. I don't really know how I am supposed to feel about this and it's been two years now. It's kinda weird not to have him around but at the same time, I have forgotten what it feels like to have my best friend alive.

From time to time, I just remember that he was there. Sometimes I can smell his perfume (Sauvage by Dior, which means almost every dude's perfume) and feel him, which makes me sad because I miss him so very deeply. But at the same time, when I realise that I haven't thought about him for days, it makes me wanna punch myself.

I have blamed myself for a long time for his death. I had dreams about him dying months before and I had my teeth hurting so hard and falling in my dreams that even during the days it would put me into pain.

When I saw him that morning, I tried to bring him back to life by doing CPR but it was too late and i blamed myself for not doing it properly or maybe for having manifested it somehow through my dreams. I guess I just needed to blame someone because it felt so unfair to lose him when he was the type of man who deserved all the love on earth and a long peaceful life.

I blamed myself because I also saw the signs of death, but chose to ignore them. He has always been sort of hyperactive but during that time, he looked tired and in his own world. He was never much of a religious man but he opened his mind suddenly one or two weeks before. He would zone out and I remember his last Monday that he forgot to pick me up. I was so fucking scared and I called him and he was like "I'm so sorry, I fell asleep. I need to tell you something really important. I'm coming." When he arrived, he was mad but I didn't know why and he had forgotten that he had something to tell me. This is probably far-fetched, but what if he was warning me because he knew? He started teaching my mum how to drive again because it had been 10 years since she last drove. The day before he died, he repaired all of our broken furniture, observed birds with me and smoked. The night arrived and I had a fight with my mum because she was organising holidays and I told her that it is useless to foresee it because we don't know what is gonna happen tomorrow. It was way too early. I said goodnight, that I love them and my father watched a documentary about Angela Merkel on Arte alone.

I woke up during the night, felt the urge to go downstairs. Like something was leading me that way but I fell back asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I felt attracted to his room and thought it weird that he was still sleeping. Then I heard my mum screaming and for a second, I thought they were joking. I knew, he knew. But we didn't know.

I don't like to talk about him. Whenever my mum brings him into the conversation I just need to leave. I cannot hear about him because it feels like it's too soon, but when will it not be?

My birthday was not long after that and I was mad at him for leaving me, as selfish as it may sound, because I needed him.

He will never get to see me as a real adult. He will never know if I make my dreams come true, will never meet the love of my life, my children and will never give me that dance at my wedding.

He will forever be my dad and my best friend, but also just a ghost, a character from the stories that i will tell my future family.

Joyeux anniversaire papa.

Je t'aime <3

#dad #short story #storytime #grief #tw grief

[nasturtiumsforbreakfast]

If it’s not too personal a question, how did you realize you were aro?

I realized I was aspec a while back and thought it was clear cut asexuality, but I find myself much more inclined to the idea of sex than romance (ik aces can want sex but my ideal relationship is like, best friends who have sex which seems pretty aro)

Most of the time it doesn’t bug me to not know if I’m arobi or acebi but I love to hear from other aros how they found their identity!

Hello!

Of course it's not too personal! (I post far more personal things here than "how did you figure out you were queer" haha)

Very similar to how you say here, tbh, simply

This might get long, so here's a readmore

As a teenager, at first I thought I don't like the idea of doing the same as everyone around me, all that pairing up, y'know - I didn't know about the split attraction model (is it still called that?) then, and I'm still working on my body image issues a decade later tbh, so I thought - don't like the idea of penetrative sex + don't want PDA, must therefore = asexual aromantic

Then I um "had an experience" with my best friend at the time, who came out that week (after) as a trans man - years before I knew that of myself - so then I thought, Oh! I do like sex! - or at least, y'know, fully clothed making out that made me cum. Uh. So, I can't be ace?? But I'm still not sure about the "sex with men" bit (I was 16/17 at this point, and not very uhhhh knowledgeable) and I still don't want to date someone, and women are ????, soooo, still aroace, right? (I didn't have a word for it til I was 18, at that point I think I said to myself something like "I just don't fancy anyone")

Then I looked into it a bit more, found out about AVEN, and all the different names for all sorts of things - I forget most of them now, but there's a one where you like um like masturbation or uh doubles-in-theory but not in practice? And I thought, Ah, that sounds like me!

Through all of this I'm also slowly figuring out my gender, too (??? -> must be a girl, right? -> no? -> no! -> genderqueer -> transman -> (now) agender transmasc) and sort of flopping about going "is it that I don't like sex or that I don't like my body?" and while I do sort of have the answer to that one now (do like sex, don't like penetrative really, working on the 'liking my body' bit, have not had the opportunity to try "doubles" so the jury's out on that one) um. I've forgotten where that sentence was going okay new paragraph

Anyway somewhere there with the "lots of new words" thing, I realised like if uhhh if the pressure's off y'know, if I'm kinda allowed to think about stuff just in theory, instead of um. thinking about it in practice? that's not a thing. idk the word. Anyway, I found myself a bit more freedom in thought, and realised that, oh, actually, I am bisexual (in the way most people use pansexual, nowdays, but I like bi better as a word, idk - this realisation is only sometime in the last 2, 3 years, tho I've been calling myself queer for simplicity's sake for about 8, 9 years)

During all this, I haven't had the opportunity much for "romance", not that I want it - or, at least, I didn't want it with those specific people, and haven't found myself daydreaming about anyone else, so while I identify as aro and can't really see that changing, I spose no one can see the future (unless that's the amatonormativity speaking)

Basically my two oh three actually experiences have been

- best friend snogging, I moved country that week, he came out to me on facebook messenger and I said "you do you" basically cs I didn't know what else to say, and then we texted as friends for 6 months or so

- friend from work asked me out to dinner and I didn't know it was a date until he insisted on walking me to the train and kissed me on the cheek to say goodbye, and then I had a panic attack on the way home overthinking everything I'd done

- friend (aroace) asked me out over lunch and I said yes cs I couldn't see a reason not to, spent the day at their house holding hands and being introduced to the online polycule (what!! Obviously fine but uh quite a lot), went home, panicked, spent three days overwhelmed with the windowblinds closed and then texted them to say 'sorry but no thank you :(' (paraphrasing) but we still are alright friends I think

Uhhhh so maybe it's uh maybe it's all that ^ or maybe I am aro, but right now, and for all of my past, relationships don't really appeal to me, I can't imagine that like applied to my life and I don't want to - so I'm aro! I feel comfortable and happy with the word as it applies to me, y'know

I explain it to my mother as like "it sounds like too much fuss", and she's just divorced so she laughs and agrees, and it is basically true, really haha

I don't know how much that's helpful, but there you go anyway

I say anyway too much. Hm. Anyway. Bye.

#asexuality #aromantism #ace #aro #whyyyy does the readmore keep moving ffs

[whatudowhennooneseesyou]

Hi!

I'm so excited for your new series and day one was already a masterpiece 🤌🏻

I just realised I had written I am conventionally attractive but what I wanted to say is I am NOT conventionally attractive, it sounded so conceited���

Oh I didn't know that duo had a siren effect. I don't know if it can give you more indication but I'm also venus dominant, with a taurus sun (11th house) and libra moon(4th house.. which i personally would say give the native mommy issues 🤡). My Lilith and Mars are both in Virgo.

Oh the kdrama series was me joking how that right person wrong time situation felt like (hint: there was a very sappy confession under the rain while sharing the same umbrella)

I definitely recommend the spiderman kiss cause it's so trippy yet romantic 🤧 I'm a huge hopeless romantic which is kinda ironic on how I only ended up in fwb situationships 😂

I was thinking of you today cause I had a guy friend ask me for flirting and dating advice 😂 I came to realise I'm quite to the point with asking someone out which wasn't the case a few years ago, but I guess I found out being more bold is way more helpful. I would rather express my point properly and get turned down than miss my chance and regret it. A lot of times I would approach guys that had me interested in them and told them how I found them to be my type and was wondering if they would want to see if by getting to know each other in a deeper level could uncover a connection, a spark between us. Or if they are a person I saw and caught my eye I would go up to them flash a smile, say hello and tell them that they caught my eye and I would love to get to know them if they gave me a chance, so far it had a 100% success rate (well at the same time I tried it on 3 or 4 guys but there are extremely high chances they might actually not be your type at all, cause that was my case 😬)

Hope you had a great beginning of the week 💕

-🐇

Okay, the spiderman kiss is going in my notes. However, when I think of spiderman I just think of Twilight 'you better hold on tight spider monkey!!' haha.

I love all the cheese.

I feel it's very difficult to not get into a FWB situationship in this day and age, it's either you're emotionally celibate and just hold out or you enter into those situationships and hope for the best.

I've chosen to go down the celibate part because I have an anxious attachment style so situationships would break my heart haha.

But I have a high sex drive and it's been 3 years and omg it feels awful.

Honestly, we go about the same way when it comes to asking guys out. I usually do the same thing and say I'm interested in you and if we can hang out sometime and it's been no's so far so either my game is off or I'm picking the wrong ppl haha.

I laugh at my awkwardness because otherwise I'll cry lol.

But I'm like you, the infatuation gets long enough when you're like 'okay, I just need to know if I have a chance' and then I just do it and get it out of my system.

Even though I've been rejected, I do feel more relieved when I've just confessed it to them.

I've never been in a right person, wrong time type of situation before.

I think the closest I've been the right person, wrong time type of situation was:

I had a guy friend that I had a really good connection with, we had the best banter, we would always sit together and smoke cigarettes and talk about music.

He was a Capricorn and studying politics at my uni. He had that alternative grunge style, he always wore leather jackets, flannels, beanies etc.

Whenever we would meet up, he would always light my cigarette for me and give me really warm and intimate hugs.

And I mean, the hugs were pretty intimate for a guy-girl friendship.

When we'd hug, he would always stroke my hair, or the back of my neck or rub my back.

So I always thought that maybe there was something there.

But he was always in a relationship and with a girlfriend so obviously, I was never able to ask if he was interested or see if what we had was more than friendship.

But I remember just seeing him with his partners and he always seemed like he was very caring and loving towards them.

And I just remember thinking what a great catch he'd probably be.

And then thinking, why isn't he into me? what don't I have that the other girls do?

And he graduated 3 years ago and I haven't seen him since.

And even now, I sometimes wonder if he ever thought of me as more than a friend.

But yeah, that's one of my many tragic romance stories haha.

I hope you have an amazing week as well, I hope you get some time to yourself.

#🐇 anon #whatudowhennooneseesyou hard thoughts #whatudowhennooneseesyou anon asks #I wish I could say that the only time a situation like this happened to me but nope #It's very common for me to be the girl dudes want to be friends with but not date

[how-the-feathers-have-fallen]

Newest Jo Daily and I am immediately planing a murder. Rick you've done jack SHIT up till now so I'm sorry but you're in the way :/

"I saw him and ran over and we hugged rather than kissed. It sounds stupid that I’d rather hug my boyfriend than kiss him, but sometimes I just want familiarity and closeness rather than anything else. I gave him a peck on the cheek though and he smiled and gave me one too. Maybe we’re both just maturing, maybe this is how relationships progress." Girl... I mean don't get me wrong a romantic relationship doesn't always have to be all touchy and shit. But come on. You guys seem more friends or friends with occasional benifits than anything. I think she's mistaking familiarity and closeness for romantic attraction. It's not like she's had any real examples to go off of. Also, I'm not like, a relationship expert or anything but I don't think that's how relationships progress.

"I wouldn’t know, because Dad wasn’t around a lot with mom and most of the hunters that pass through are single or widows, so it’s not like there are great examples of long term relationships anywhere around me. I’m carving it out for myself." Image my surprise when I worked out the exact same thing from the first paragraph. And ya it's really quite saddening that romantic relationships don't really last in the hunting community. Or ever really happen. 'I'm carving it out for myself' is so raw and personal because. YA. She doesn't have any real guide to this shit and she has like zero clues rn but she isn't letting that hold her back from forming personal relationships. And as someone's who's parents are toxic and abusive and isolated her from others, it's hard goddammit it is. It's hard to tell when you should be sharing, when you share too much or too little or how to show someone you love and appreciate them in the right way. And it's hard to tell how you feel about a certain person especially with all these preconcieved notions. And it's terrifying when you feel like you need to lay yourself down and change for others. So good on you Jo for carving out your own relationships. But goddammit Jo I kinda sorta want you to carve it out with Cassie!

"It’s just sad, because I remember the butterflies I used to get when Rick came through the door and the way I’d run into his arms, all movie-like. Now that’s the feeling I get when Cassie calls me." Oh, Jo. I love you I love you I Iove you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

"Things are unfurling in me but I don���t want to understand them, I don’t want to let my feelings for Rick go cold, or old, or anything. He’s my boyfriend, with all his imperfections, and he’s everything he should be." I too tried to deny I was queer to myself for a while. It did not work. I definitely know Jo is gonna pull the "I'm just a really good ally" act like Dean (and me). And as for Rick, I feel like she's clinging to him because he might just be her first stable long term relationship and she's scared to let it go. Also, just because Rick is everything he should be, doesn't mean he's everything Jo wants.

"Maybe it’s not just Rick, maybe there’s something wrong with me, too." I. Ola I ligit started tearing while reading this, wandering around the cobblestone streets of Braga. Jo entering the self hatred/doubt phase of realising you're queer is gonna hurt so so much. Ola for every painful memory you unearth I'm charging you 5 euro (idk how much that's in dollars) (fuck idk if you've even American) /j.

Fuck me bro, why is it always the short Jo Daily chapters that pack the biggest emotional punch. But truly I can't wait to see Jo fully realise and accept herself because that's really what this fic is about.

Tho I must admit (even with all the angst) this is my favourite chapter yet.

#supernatural #spn #jo daily #lesbian jo harvelle #queer jo harvelle #rick (derogatory - apologetic) #cassie sandsmark #bisexual cassie sandsmark #ola 🤠

[mek-wazoski]

I have a question for any other aspec people.

Do you ever see someone whos aesthetically attractive who youre not sexually or romatically attracted to, but you just know that if you felt sexual or romatic attraction you would definitely feel it for this person???

Because thats how I feel about Måneskin

#i just think theyre neat #theyre all objectively aesthetically attractive #like its just facts #i do not want to sleep with them though because as we have established i am very much ace #and probably aro #but if i wasnt..... i feel like id be attracted to them #victoria is so beautiful #anyway i have thoughts #also their music fucking slaps #maneskin #måneskin #asexual #aspec #aromantic #also i realise this kinda sounds like i am attracted to them #but i am definitely not they are just really pretty #also im jealous of ethans hair #it looks so good #ahhh so many tags i need to stfu