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lord-kristoff-of-arendelle · 5 years

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I have been tagged in one of these things by @anybodylessgayso, so I guess we’re doing this.

Nickname(s): Jake. Snake. Snakes. Bo-bo by my parents (idk about that one). Exactly three people are allowed to call me Jakey, my siblings and Bonnie.

Gender: Dude, or El Duderino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing.

Height: 5′11″, 6′0″ if I’m in boots. Gotta squeeze out as much height difference as I can above her.

Time: 10:06pm CST

Where I’m from: Dallas, Texas. I’d specify the suburb but it doesn’t matter.

Hogwarts house: Gryffindor, according to Pottermore. I went through the typical pattern of “I wanna be a Gryffindor!” before later on deciding I was a Ravenclaw. So I guess when Nathaniel says in Crazy Ex-Girlfriend that “I think when people say they’re Ravenclaw, they really think they’re Gryffindor but they don’t want to sound too braggy” ... yeah I guess he nailed me. King.

Favorite show: Man, if you put a gun to my head I might say Better Call Saul. But, I mean, there’s also Breaking Bad, and Game of Thrones, and Parks and Rec, and Crazy Ex Girlfriend, and True Detective (season 1), and The X-Files, so ... yeah. Much to think about.

Favorite animal: Birds, probably. Doesn’t matter what kind. Honestly I just love animals in general, we’d be here all night if I ran down the list.

Favorite band/artist: Rush. That was easy. There are many bands and artists out there I love, but there is only one Holy Trinity.

Song stuck in my head: At the moment it’s basically a different song from Crazy Ex Girlfriend every day. Have you figured out yet that we just finished the series?

Last movie I saw: Endgame, I think. The blockbuster release schedule has just been flying by and there’s too many damn movies for me to see when I gotta spend $30 on each one.

Last thing I Googled: netflix because i was trying to find that nathaniel quote and i don’t have the site bookmarked

Other blogs: None. I’ve got two url’s related to the Cowboys stashed away in case I ever want to set up some kind of sports blog thing. That’ll probably never happen.

Do I get asks: I mean, I’ve only been back on this site for

Why this URL: I attended Texas A&M, the state land grant school that got its start as the agricultural and mechanical college (Texas AMC, before 1963). So despite it being a giant university now and my degree have absolutely nothing to do with agriculture, I am, in fact, Jake from the state farm school.

Number of blankets: I don’t have to answer that. I want my lawyer.

Followers: 26. We’re creeping up there.

Following: 101. You’re all Vault inhabitants.

Average amount of sleep: It’s usually 6-7. Lately I’ve been trying to make to have lights out by midnight to stretch that into 7-8, but it’s been ... mixed results. I’m a night owl, always have been.

Lucky number: [makes “I don’t know” sound]

What am I wearing: Underwear and undershirt and my robe.

Dream job: Tbqh probably working in a museum, buuuuuuut I also like having money for my hobbies too much to make that work, lmao. I’m currently working as a paralegal and who knows, if the right fit comes about I might just be a lawyer too.

Dream trips: Probably a nice grand tour of central Europe. Maybe start up in Scandinavia and work our way down to Italy. Maybe even a jaunt to Greece. Oh, also, I have to visit Cedar Point in Ohio and Magic Mountain in California before I die.

Favorite food: You know the Brazilian steakhouses where the gauchos walk around with meat on the giant skewers and carve it at the table? Yeah, that.

Instruments I play: I had a stint at learning guitar but that’s pretty much it. I can make this mechanical keyboard sing, though.

Eye color: Blue-green, basically, with a bit of hazel.

Hair color: Dirty blonde. It was lighter when I was a kid but it’s gotten a bit darker over time. My beard is red af, though, I get that from my mother.

Aesthetic: Mountains, forests, snow. Texas Hill Country. Porches with bugs and frogs making noise all around and Midnight Rambler playing faintly in the distance. The desert at night. Art Deco architecture.

Languages I speak: English, and despite three years of Spanish and two years of German (high school and college respectively) I’ve barely retained enough of either to haltingly work my way through a conversation.

Most iconic song: Invisible airways crackle with life/bright antenna bristle with energy (”The Spirit of Radio”, Rush). Also State of Grace by Taylor Swift but that’s because of Bonnie.

When I created this account: Basically after the Frozen 2 teaser came out I went back and nuked my old tumblr account (as it was filled with stuff I wasn’t happy with and belonged to a much different time in life) and started over here.

Best memory: Vacations Bonnie and I have taken on our own to Denver and Galveston (saw Frozen the Musical on its opening night in Denver), and Austin before we moved here. My last high school football game when I was on the field at Cowboys Stadium. The Mavs winning the 2011 NBA Finals. A&M beating LSU 74-72 in seven overtimes. Yeah there’s a lot of sports there.

Best pun: My comedic genius answers to no one but its own whims tyvm

Random fact: I have a friend who once had a threesome while watching Rent. We still, to this day, have not figured out how it was this friend of all people that managed to stumble into this. And yes, stumble is the perfect word for it.

I tag:

Shit man, if you’re one of the 26 and this strikes your fancy, go for it.

#me #text post

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thesinglesjukebox · 7 years

Video

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FLORIDA GEORGIA LINE - SMOOTH [2.11] In some areas of the world, the American bullfrog is regarded as an invasive species.

Katie Gill: Man, it's a bad one. The generic lyrics with terrible alcohol metaphors, a bizarre sound effects backing (frogs???), and a groanworthy "go down good" attempt at a pun make me say this song ain't good enough. I'll tell you one thing: this sounds like every other Florida Georgia song ever written. It's play-by-numbers and, at this point in FGL's career, is downright dull. Let's just forget about it. [3]

Alfred Soto: Overstated vocals, frog effects, finger snaps -- on first glance I could be describing New Order's "Perfect Kiss." Florida Georgia Line believe in smarm as harm, though. Because they pose as country folk, they would never say they wanna put their hand on a woman's breast -- their songs can't even be trusted to send mixed signals. [3]

Anthony Easton: Has a song tried so hard to make a song that appeared effortless? Also, few of the examples elucidated are that smooth. Lastly, the bullfrog sounds are laughable. [0]

Thomas Inskeep: The use of the frog's "ribbit," as rhythm, is clever. Nothing else about this song is, however, especially its awful lyrics. [2]

Stephen Eisermann: To no one's surprise, this as bro-country as songs come: misogynistic, riddled with call outs to favorite country pastimes, and chock-full of accentuated twang. Additionally unsurprising: I hate it. [1]

Will Adams: The clever thing about mixing metaphors so hard that you're comparing a woman to a new inanimate object with each line is that there's no time to go into the grotesque details about how much she resembles x. (Imagine the whole song built around a liquor analogy... mmm, as appealing as hot beer.) The stock atmosphere via crickets and frogs serves no purpose besides genre brownie points -- we're in the country, see? -- but was a baffling enough choice that held my interest briefly. [4]

Cassy Gress: There's a sweaty dude in a tropical shirt in this video. Ignore the rest of it about Elvis and Vegas - this is that dude's song. It should have been sung greasily, with a leer. I mean, it still would have been creepy, but more humorously so. This is sung straight-faced, which makes it more menacing. [1]

Ramzi Awn: Textbook country built for a salon, and not a saloon. "Smooth" could use some of the old spunk. Florida Georgia Line's honkytonk jam meets the Tennessee requirement for By-The-Book country but ultimately falls short. Good concert fare nonetheless. [5]

Tara Hillegeist: Have you ever watched Die Hard? Have you ever been a woman asked if she's ever watched Die Hard? I love Die Hard, but the dudes who ask me if I've watched Die Hard are some of the most unsavory, smug men I've met in my lifetime, and I used to hang out on webcomics messageboards at the turn of the century so I've known from unsavory and smug male entitlement for decades. The bit dudes who love Die Hard like to forget is that John McClane is like many Bruce Willis characters and features, alongside his unpolished charm and bruised heart, a misogynistic paternalism you could at points fit an entire Grand Canyon inside. He exists one wrong turn away from being the asshole you cross the road to avoid before he inevitably spots you and catcalls across the street after your quickly-departing back. He does not make a good impression. Many great Bruce Willis movies are about deepening his character past that impression, creating reasons to forgive him, reasons to root for him to be better, creating a person instead of an attitude. I like watching Bruce Willis movies like Die Hard because they set themselves up with an attitude problem and then write their way out of that hole into something profound. But the dudes who ask me if I've seen Die Hard never work hard enough to write themselves out of that Grand Canyon-sized asshole; they want to skip to the ending without doing any of the emotional labor that earned it. They've let liking a cool story stand in for having a personality. "Smooth", with its fauxthentic pluck, like a man that asks me if I've seen Die Hard, wants me to mistake its awareness of something that might've backed a smart idea once for its containing or understanding that idea. But it's nothing but a catcall from across the street, and I'm walking away. [0]

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#Florida Georgia Line

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