#also idk if this is just me fixating on stuff but she came and apologised after and hugged me and I just cried again cause I’m a baby | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rogermeddowstayl0r · 5 years

Text

does she make you feel as good as i do? | r.t.

a/n: just a quick one parter (part 2 here) that i wrote while avoiding other responsibilities. i was listening to she by pale waves when writing this and it’s kinda based on that so listen along. yeah idk where this came from, guess i was just in a sad mood. sorry in advance. also i feel like this writing style(?) is kinda weird so let me know what you think.

words: 1.8k

warnings: swearing, depression, angst, mentions of smut

i looked blankly at myself in the mirror. i looked like shit, eyes darkened with endless sleepless nights, hair disheveled from not showering or brushing it. a large hoodie drowned out my body. this was my current state of living or at least it has been for the past few weeks.

a loud ringing cut me out of my fixation on myself. my legs were weak as they carried me towards the phone.

“hello?” my voice was rough from not actually speaking for days.

a familiar voice was on the other side. “y/n? god are you okay?!” a concerned john was on the line.

“yeah i-“

“where have you been? i’ve not seen you in weeks!” he was becoming more concerned the more he thought about how long it had actually been since anyone had see me. john was my brother, older by about 2 years but we have always been close.

“i’ve just been busy with...stuff?” it sounded more like a question than i meant. i twirled the phone cord round my finger nervously.

he sighed loudly. he probably knew what was happening, he knew the tendencies i had of isolating myself for weeks on end. “i’m coming over.”

before i had time to protest the phone line went dead. i looked around my small apartment. it was an image of depression. the sofa was covered in blankets which i would cocoon myself in while watching endless hours of tv. glasses covered the small table in front of the sofa. dirty clothes were strayed across the floor from when i changed my clothes. i sighed, there was no point trying to hide this from john, and quite frankly i was too weak to try and clean it before he arrived. instead, i wrapped a blanket around my shoulders and slumped onto the sofa until the doorbell rang. i jumped slightly, mostly because the lack of sleep made me more jumpy than usual.

i pulled the heavy door open and instantly avoided eye contact. john on the other hand looked intently at my frail image. his hand reached out to touch my shoulder softly. “y/n?” his voice broke slightly as he spoke.

“come in.” was all i could say without bursting into tears. he walked inside the dark apartment and he fought back tears himself. when he looked at his sister she looked visible wrecked. something bad must have happened. he instantly pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms around me and gently rubbing my back, i hugged him back. god, i had missed him.

“what happened?” he questioned as we sat on the sofa together, concern was written all across his face.

i had never told john about my... relations with his band mate roger. it’s not that i didn’t want to tell him it just all happened so quick.

it had been a friday night, i was in a bar on the corner of a street i don’t remember. i was alone, my friends were all bores and never went out, so i made the fateful decision to go out myself. a young girl in a bar alone was bound to get some male attention, whether wanted or not. i didn’t expect it to be from a familiar face though. roger had been wearing a white button up with the top buttons undone as usual. classic roger right?

“y/n?” his voice was surprised but obviously slurred from one too many drinks. i tucked my hair behind my ear nervously. like every other girl in the uk, i may have had a tiny crush on roger. despite what you may think, just because i was john’s sister didn’t mean i saw the band more. they weren’t really my friends, they were all a few years older and had left college while i was still there. i saw them occasionally if john rang me asking to bring him some papers he had left at home or if i was supporting john at their gigs or if i went round to johns and they all happened to be there. but me and roger had never really had a conversation that entailed more than just casual small talk.

“yeah?” i tried to be as confident as i could with the little amount of alcohol in my system.

“imagine meeting you here!” he took the barstool next to me.

“hmmm it’s a bar?” i had no clue where this conversation was heading, except a dead end.

“what are you doing here?!” he looked genuinely interested in such a mundane topic.

i raised my drink and smiled. “the same reason everyone else is. to get shitfaced!” i laughed lightly. he chuckled too.

“now that is something i am good at!”

i was confused as to why he was being so friendly to me. surely i was just deaky’s silly little sister to him and all the other boys. i’m just that girl who brings deaky’s papers to him with a coffee and a donut.

one thing lead to another that night, we kept drinking and chatting until the bartender kicked us out on the cold london streets at some ungodly hour in the morning. my apartment was on the outskirts of town and taxi runs had stopped hours ago. as if fate was trying to get us together my naive mind thought. ever the gentleman, roger offered for me to stay at his. “can’t leave deaky’s sister in the freezing streets at 4am, can i now?” he joked lighting a cigarette.

his apartment was a short walk away, he had offered me his jacket and it was draped over my shoulders to keep me warm. he continued his conversation about some new car he had bought and despite knowing nothing about cars, i was still somehow captivated.

entering his apartment made my throat tighten and my stomach instantly filled with butterflies. i slipped his jacket off and handed it to him meekly. i felt an intense awkwardness, as if he didn’t know how to act when bringing a girl home who he no intentions of shagging. should i kiss him? is that why he brought me here? questions flew around in my mind and i was trapped in my thoughts.

“y/n?” his voice was loud and it snapped me out my thoughts. he smiled at me. god he was fucking hot.

i tried to speak, i swear i did. maybe the alcohol had really gotten to my head. i don’t remember how it happened. i just remember his lips on mine, kissing me with such passion and desire. against the wall. he picked me up, taking me into the kitchen. i was on the table and his hands were all over my body like fire. kissing my neck, i swear i couldn’t think.

the memory was so vivid, i could still feel his hands on my body, everywhere.

i scratched the back on my head, snapping out off my inappropriate vision whilst being in the room with my brother. “i don’t know” i answered his question after the long time in my thoughts. my voice broke as i spoke. john just pulled me into a hug again as i cried quietly. i knew he would get mad as soon as i told him it was roger.

the next morning after staying at roger’s, i awoke in a panic, grabbing my things quickly and quietly, being sure not to wake him. i left. i regretted it instantly because i knew that i was just another shag to him.

but it wasn’t, he started coming round to my apartment. at first it was to apologise, it ended with him in my bed. the visits became more frequent, he would come up with random yet adorable excuses to see me. it evolved into a few dates and more sex.

but that came crashing down two weeks ago. queen were playing a gig at a bar as usual, i went along to support john firstly, of course, but now i was there for roger too. the thing between us had only been going on for about two months and we were nothing official, we never would be. they performed brilliantly as usual. i stayed at the table i was saving for everyone when they finished. their set ended, they bowed, i cheered louder than ever. i was met by john first, he ran up to the table and hugged me tightly, then brian and freddie came over, roger was missing.

“how were we love?” freddie’s voice was filled with happiness but my chest hurt and my mind began filling with thoughts of roger’s absence.

“brilliant as usual boys!” i faked happiness. “where’s roger?” i tried not to sound to desperate or obvious.

brian laughed slightly, “probably entertaining that blonde hanging around backstage. i’d give him 10 minutes love. you don’t want to see more of him than you should.” him and the other boys laughed in agreement. obviously they didn’t know that me and roger had something going on. my chest felt like someone punched right through it.

“i’m going to the toilet” i mumbled. i all but sprinted to the toilet, i pushed the door open. i could feel a panic attack started, the walls felt like they were closing in, i could hear my heart beat loudly in my ears and i was having trouble breathing. it felt like everything stopped when i saw him. standing in the middle of the bathroom between a blonde girls legs. my heart stopped, the shock on my face was very visible.

“y/n!” he called but i turned on my heels and ran.

since that night i hadn’t spoke to roger, i didn’t want to hear what he had to say. that we weren’t official so it wasnt cheating. i didn’t want to see him again. that was two weeks ago, since then ive locked myself away from everyone.

i tried to explain it to john, i left out certain details about sex but i got the point across. his softness and caring side fizzled away quickly and was replaced with anger.

“i’ll kill him” he muttered through clenched teeth.

“john, please. there’s no need for that. it’s best just to act like nothing happened.” i tried to stop the tears as i pleaded with him.

“he fucking hurt you and didn’t even check if you were okay.” johns voice was breaking again.

“it’ll be okay. john please, we’re both adults and we can deal with this ourselves.” i tried pleading with him again.

he sighed in defeat. “fine, but i’m not leaving you until you’ve showered and eaten. come on.”

john cared for me, making me feel a bit better. having told someone about all the emotions which had been trapped inside me for the past weeks made me feel the most emotionally relieved. i wasn’t hiding anything anymore but my chest still ached, for i knew that one day i’d have to look roger taylor in the eyes again.

tag list: @writingfortoomanyfandoms @xgoingdownx

#roger taylor x reader #roger taylor writing #roger taylor fanfic #roger taylor #john deacon x reader #john deacon #freddie mercury #brain may #queen #70s #80s #bohrap #ben hardy #bohemian rhapsody #becki writes

129 notes · View notes