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#also if you send any hate or dumb shit I'm just gonna block you i have not time for all that bs
forcearama · 2 years
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Vader: [text] yooooooo lol well that was a weird fuckin few days Obi-Wan: Who is this? Vader: lol cmon dont play dumb Obi-Wan: You still use this number??? How?? Vader: this place is run by clowns no one knows i still have this comm Vader: well run by clowns except for me ofc Vader: couldnt sense you in the force before so i didnt think there was any point in texting but nooooowwwwww i know better 😚 Obi-Wan: I hate to disappoint, but I'm afraid you'll find my device is untraceable. Vader: yeah im working on it just you wait Vader: so did u also see me in the bacta tank or???? Vader: bc ngl i didn't super know we could do that??? Obi-Wan: Yes, I saw you. Vader: wow lol ok weird, gonna have to see what else we can do with that 👀 stay tuned Vader: also did u know i was alive bc tbh you looked FREAKED the fuck out it was hilarious. love scaring the shit out of people. Obi-Wan: No. I didn't know. And nothing about this is comical, Anakin. Vader: eeeeeeeeeyyyy "Anakin"??? I thought you said you knew that guy was dead! 😅 Obi-Wan: Vader. Obi-Wan: Darth. Obi-Wan: Whatever. It doesn't matter. It's over. I am going to block this number and move on with my life. Vader: you might move on but ur never gonna block me Obi-Wan: Don't be so sure. Vader: ok old man whatever you say [10 minute pause] Obi-Wan: Stop that. You cannot do that. It's wrong. Vader: lolllll cool it worked guess i can send you visions Vader: I thought you said you were gonna block my number Obi-Wan: Well there hardly seems to be a point if it's either get texts or have you sending me that sort of a thing through the Force. Vader: 😇 why not both?? Obi-Wan: Anakin that is FILTHY. Vader: it was wasn't it?? Obi-Wan: And I very much do NOT remember that day the same way you do, apparently. Vader: hmmmmm I like my version better 😏 Vader: gotta run to a mtg now but i'll "see" you again soon Vader: get it Vader: bc i'll see you in the bond Vader: and we'll be doing stuff Obi-Wan: Yes you've made your point!!
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futuregws · 4 months
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You’re defending a guy you don’t even know. I’m talking shit about a guy I don’t know & doesn’t know we exist.Who cares. He will continue living his life however he chooses. Get over yourself. The people defending him. The people making silly rumors. The people making assumptions. It doesn’t even matter. Relax. We don’t even exist in his world. You’re the one posting my nonsense. you had a choice there. You could have just not posted it & not put any of that out in the world. That’s on you.
I'm sensing a lot of entitlement on your part, it's on me?? Babes you sent it in the first place so you were expecting me to post, so yeah no shit, I see a dumb post I'm gonna respond, specially when said post was also full of disrespect not even towards just one person since you clearly have no problems with insulting people simply bc "they don't know you exist", I hope you are aware that just bc he doesn't know you or me or any of us here and probably won't see it, doesn't mean that we can all of sudden go and be rude as fuck for absolutely no reason at all, I love how you're telling me to get over myself as if you didn't come on my blog talking shit as you said it yourself, making comments that reeked of internalized misogyny and proceeded to be upset when I called you out on how wrong you were acting lol. I don't need to know him to defend him from the stuff that you're saying, you want to go and say "he doesn't know us" just like you don't know him so you're making shit up and hating based on your imagination, now tell me how is that okay?? Actually don't tell me bc I'm not gonna fuel this whole bullshit and hate, so don't worry hun I will do exactly what you want and I will block you if you do send me something else
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golbrocklovely · 10 months
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i love snc which is why i follow this blog but there is a lot of negativity going around about people they were once close friends with. i think it's worth reminding everyone that we don't know any story 100% and it isn't our place to judge. the negativity only hurts yourself, too. take care of yourselves and let it go! 🫶🏻
i getchu anon. however… if i can speak my mind for just a moment.
i agree with the sentiment that we don't know the full story behind really anything snc related. i say that all the time and constantly remind everyone on here when things seem to be getting too heated. however, i also don't think we have to be positive all the time. of course, outright hating on someone isn't great or really necessary to get your point across. and especially sending hate is never the right thing to do, regardless of what that person has done. it's always best that if someone pisses you off deeply to just block them and move on bc it's not worth the energy it takes to pay attention to them.
that being said, ppl come on here to vent bc no one we vent about is on here. snc don't have an account on here, and neither does any of the other ppl we talk about. if i talk about sam, for instance, there's a 99.9% chance he's not gonna see it. but if he decides to come on here and search his tag, then he is actively wanting to see what ppl are saying. on other sites where he has a platform, he's getting opinions regardless of if he wants to see them or not. this place is just basically a space for us to scream into the void without the possibility of being seen, which is needed sometimes.
and with other sites, i can't exactly go on them and complain about a video or something dumb that happened or literally anything without someone being upset. that still happens on here too sometimes but i've also found a lot more ppl will agree with me bc they can be anonymous and not face backlash for having an unpopular opinion. that's why i allowed ppl to go anonymous and vent to me, bc literally no other platform with the snc fandom attached allows that. obviously, some ppl take it too far. i don't answer asks actually berating or calling someone names for the most part. there are constructive ways for us to say how we feel without getting mean.
but i will add that there are some ppl snc are or were friends with in the past that i personally believe have done some questionable shit, if not way worse. prime examples being brennen and elton. for those reasons alone, i'm not gonna talk highly of them ever. i will not be positive about them. some of their ex friends, i try my best to find the positives or not be so hard on, but if i feel like what they did is wrong, i'm not gonna be positive. granted, i could be completely wrong about the situation. and i'll admit that if i ever find out i am. but until then, i'm gonna have my opinion. and if you don't agree, totally understandable.
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felikatze · 2 years
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s11 ice chapter is DONE and wawo. it was good.
i'm gonna talk about the benign shit first cuz wawo this season had Stuff Going On. man.
the filler episodes were, as with the fire chapter, top tier. incredible. fantastic.
also hello. 2d animated sequences?? in my ninjago?? it's more likely than you think
ofc these episodes fulfill the purpose of torturing viewers by prolonging cliffhangers but the subject matter is well chosen.
the first one answers your cinemasins ding of "hey wouldnt all the villains attack ninjago now" to which the show says "no because they're too dumb to escape jail with pixal on the block." also again as with the fire chapter the episode was hilarious.
seeing how some two bit villains perceive the ninja. height of comedy. also the "who the fuck is fugidove" running gag because who tf is he indeed. and why does he hate jay of all ninjas the most.
ALSO THE FUCKING. DBZ PARODY???? JAY WALKER AS GOKU??? HELLO??? DID I SEE THAT RIGHT??????? sorry i was just not mentally prepared for that existing i just. i paused the episode and ate lunch before i could proceed. my lunch was a bowl of pretzel shaped biscuits. i also ate three whole potatoes today i'm good
the next "filler" (cuz it's not REALLY filler in the anime filler sense but i use filler to mean "does not advance the main plot in any way") ep deals with pixal and wu and pixal fighting the fucking preeminent is fun (they brought it back for a joke??? i thought it was gone after nya drowned it?? is this a different one without hydra capabilites?? did it jusz.... grow back or did nya killing it send it to the departed realm) but also the episode depresses me
pixal and wu DO NOT deal with grief good those two are depressed as hell. pixal almost kills herself because she a) knows she's the only line of defense left for ninjago b) can't go on without zane and like. okay. goddd. what the fuck. i wish pixal happy therapy.
WU ALSO LIKE. he def has that "it should've been me" survivor's guilt shit going on. he's so desparate to find them. like that one scene where he and pixal find the departed realm and he deludes himself into thinking the growls of the preeminent are the sounds of the land bounty. and then he doesnt want to lose pixal too....... i'm so emo abt this.
side note pixal before almost frying herself saying she loves zane as her last words and zane's recording having him say he loves pixal as his last words. I'M SO EMO ABT THIS FR. pixane are the only bitches i respect
MOVING ON TO THE MAIN PLOT
laaast time i speculated maybe kai just gets his powers back but he doesnt!! that's vry cool actually. he has to get some self confidence babeyyyy. it's funny how like. he manages to get fire again and immediatly gets cocky again but then the ice dragon shows up and his savior complex or whatever kicks him in the ass. hell yeah man.
nice setup for the climax where "oh look the ice dragon is an elemental creation" so he melts the thing and actually manages to save people for real this time. good for him
ALSOOO NYA. return of her s5 bane: not immediatly being good at stuff. CONSISTENCY!! we love to see it. vry sexy acknowledgement that ice is just frozen water, therefore shouldn't nya be able to control it? HELL YEAH SHE CAN! it's just vry hard.
mildly conflicted abt cole this season cuz. why set it up so that the traveler's tea can't bring them back only for cole to lose it anyway? it feels weird from a writing standpoint that the ninja never even notice. they could've easily just been told by like, sorla (is that her name? the wu stand-in), since at the end of the season she knows leaves aren't enough and cole pulls out the uh. berry.
the tea not working anyway undercuts cole's guilt over losing the tea i feel. bcuz the audience knows it would be a moot point if he'd kept it anyway. i don't think the mini-arc about cole feeling guilty over this is bad, it's good actually, but again! the effect just gets undercut cuz! yeah!!
that aside. rlly fun how cole dads krag. he threatens to revoke its (his?) gaming rights. i feel like cole still makes the ninja eat their veggies. it's sooo funny how he gets mad at them for talking shit in his dream. hello. my guy. you were dreaming.
3. akita. bark bark
next up. new characters. mainly akita!! woof. conceptually i find her vry cool. i love shapeshifters i think wolves are cool (<- is transgender)
i think it's great how lloyd reacts to her deceit cuz like. lloyd traumadumped to this random wolf and the wolf is a girl actually and god this random girl knows about his daddy issues now. he feels betrayed as he should bcuz otherwise s8 would feel for naught. lloyd got trust issues now babeyy!!! though he does forgive akita when its clear she had no ill intent and still needs help!! bcuz it's vry vry important that despite it all, lloyd's still kind
love the juxtaposition of revenge vs saving on akita and lloyd. and this isn't set up for shits n giggles it does actually result in conflict between the two when akita tries to stab zane and lloyd stops her, but still protects her from zane when that goes to shit.
i think her backstory segment was done amazing to answer all sorts of questions i wasn't even asking until they got answered, like why the fuck does zane have a castle?
her relationship to her lost brother is also a great parallel to everyone's search for zane. it shows the level of hope they have. akita has no hope, she believes herself to be alone. she wants revenge, and has no plans for a future after. why should she? she turned her back on her frozen home.
meanwhile, the ninja fervently believe that zane is still alive, and that they can find him. in the end, faith is rewarded with a happy ending. i'm happy that akita gets her family back, too. it's sweet, for one, makes the season less grim and more family tv friendly, for another, and ties into this comparison. even if she had no hope to start with, her efforts still weren't in vain.
the main downside to her character is her giving lloyd a kiss cuz like i UNDERSTAND that these two characters bonded a lot through mutual traumadumping and near death experiences but i do not think they had romantic chemistry and i will be ignoring this. thank you. lloyd remains unshippable to me.
sorry for mainly talking abt akita in conjunction with lloyd but these two characters spent the most time together this season and as such their plotlines are inextricable. thanks for understanding. moving on
gotta talk abt vex now i think. i like that he just sucks. he doesnt get an animal form cuz he's a distrusting selfish bastard. he's the cause of every problem ever this season. he just sucks.
he's the only one who tries to start shit with the formlings because they hate him for sucking and then the king tells him to fuck off thank god.
also how this bitch just??? gaslights zane?? like actual definition of gaslight gaslight??? hello???????????
zane..... zane my man. dear god.
first of all. i love villain arcs. i think they're sexy. i LOVE the scene where lloyd tries to get zane to remember desparately and then zane throws him in jail. that's good character conflict babeyyy!!
vex being all Gaslight Gatekeep ultimately takes the crux of all evil away from zane which i think is both the good writing choice for a kids cartoon and cowardly. cowardly because, gestures at above paragraph, and good writing choice because zane would never intentionally hurt people otherwise
the set up of the ice emperor really does only work because of the combo of evil advisor + corrupting artefact of great power
the flashback episode here did great work. obviously it can't depict zane's presumably gradual descent into madness over decades because it's one ten minute episode, but it still did a great job. it rlly hammered home that zane only used the scroll out of desparation, and was tricked in a vital moment. like we understand how zane got to being the ice emperor and it makes sense from a character standpoint, especially considering the frequently mentioned time gap that cannot be adequately portrayed in one ten minute backstory ep. more than one backstory ep would be too needlessly long though, so again ultimately the best choice.
s good ya
the twist itself was obvious see that one post abt zane's lil bright blaring blue gloves. like even tho i did get spoilered on it it's. ice powers. convenietly frozen staff. glowing blue eyes. the gloves.
the writers tried to red herring so hard with keitaro as the faceless prisoner and i respect that but frankly it did not work much. good on them knowing a red herring was necessary though cuz it sure was.
i love the detail of the ice emperor having to free his arms every time he stands up bcuz he froze himself to the throne by accident. adds flavor.
the final fight is sooo. goddamn it's good. like the aspheera fight it's plain fun to watch it looks amazing but i also love how it ends.
zane wins the fight. like with corruption arcs like this it's usually "hit friend over the head until good again" but none of lloyd's pleading or the fight itself did it. it was lloyd being helpless, it was vex gloating, and it was zane remembering his own mantra. he protects those who cannot protect themselves. THAT WAS SUCH A GOOD MOMENT FR. ZANE!!!! MY MAN!!!!!!! WHOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i liked this development can you tell. who cares if it's cliche or cheesy IT WORKS. the cheese always just works in this show. bcuz it's vry sincere. about its cheese.
side note i forgot to mention. it's super neat how the intro changes between red and blue to denote which realm the episode is set in!! so cool!
minor thing from last season: why does clutch powers use random german. the only fictional characters allowed to do that are klavier from ace attorney, and me. hey alter hör auf.
to summarize the ice chapter was amazing, i think this is the first time one of the ninja was a major antagonist? i love it. i want the writers to do it again it's just good.
next up is. the video game season? i know next to nothing about s12-15. i know it's another jay season because of that one very blue jay design with tboy swag i see art of. looking forward to it.
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littlemouserat · 3 years
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I’m so sick of seeing “Men are terrible” post everywhere. Even my friends make comments like this to me. This hurts not just as a trans guy (who’s also gay), but it hurts knowing that so many guys feel hurt as well. So this is for you.
To all men, whether you’re cis, trans, nonbinary, Intersex: 
No matter your age, race, sexuality, weight, physical abilities, neurodiversity, or anything. 
You’re not disgusting. You’re not evil. You’re not worthless. You are loved. 
(Also piss off if you’re a terf, radfem or someone who is going to derail this post) 
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taeslovehandles · 3 years
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I never meant to target you and I'm sorry you felt that way. You properly tag everything and adhere to the "don't like, don't read" rule. I don't follow you nor you follow, because we simply don't vibe together and that's okay.
But there are posts that are on the more "innocent" side that do represent fat people as a joke and it's like they don't even realize it because it's something so well ingrained in our fatphobic society.
For example, all the characters are having fun except the fat one or referring to someone as "twice his size" (like... If they want to say he's huge, they should just say it, not imply that there's a "right size" for someone to be).
I don't think authors should censor themselves, just acknowledge the role they play in how fat characters are perceived by the community they write for.
-🍓
First of all, since you obviously haven’t blocked me, you could have come to me via direct message. This is not a topic that needs to be brought out into the public eye even more than it already is. I have worked with anons before, I would have been the last person to reveal who you are. You could have made a trash account to message me in dm’s, but since you didn’t, I will reply to you here.
I want to make one thing clear. This will be my last response on the topic. If you do not like me as a member of the community please use the block button and filter me out, because I will stay. I have many friends here, and know that many people enjoy my content. Just because a small handful of people don’t appreciate dark themes in fiction, the contents of which they can easily protect themselves from, won’t make me falter.
Now, I want to debunk this ask because your ‘apology’ actually made me very upset.
I know you don’t mean it when you say you are sorry because you’re backpedaling on what you’ve told your friends and it really rubs me the wrong way. You could have owned up to your mistakes and apologized sincerely like others had but you continue to play victim and excuse your behaviour with tales of your own trauma, projecting your own insecurities onto my blog and thus hating me.
I know for a fact that you despise my blog, especially my writing, because you do not like how “obviously skinny people write about weight gain.”
Honey.
I couldn’t be any further from skinny.
I don’t mind sharing my actual weight, which has actually gotten worse due to COVID. I weigh 490lbs. I am morbidly obese. I have always been morbidly obese. For you to come and be “nitpicky” about a genre you don’t even enjoy? Why are you even reading my fics then?
The way I write about obese people, their struggles with literally everything… that comes from real life experience. I write this to share embarrassing and exhausting daily life tasks I personally struggle with.
A skinny person would never write some of the stuff I do, because they simply don’t know. They don’t know how scary it is to hear the line “we are going to a restaurant.” They don’t know how scary it is to go into that new restaurant, scan the chairs and think “Shit, am I gonna fit? Is the chair gonna creak? Is there enough space for the next table? What if I won’t fit?” A thin person doesn’t have to think this way.
And, let me tell you something else. Yes, I agree. The world is fatphobic.
In one of my recent posts I talked about movies and shows where they make fun of fat people because I hate it. Because it is REAL LIFE. And I am all for the body positivity movement and I do believe that all bodies are beautiful, because they are.
You do not know me personally.
And that leads to my next point. If you personally have issues with the phrase “twice my size”, then that is on you. And guess what? I cannot count how often I’ve heard lines like that my whole life.
“Oh wow two people would fit in one of your pant legs.”
“Wow, you are so fat, I could use your pants as a tent.”
So trust me, I know. I KNOW. But anon, this is the important part for me. Everyone processes trauma differently.
Inked ch3? Or literally any story I have written with a fat character being forced, insulted and talked down to like they’re dumb? That’s what I have been living with my entire life. Most of these stories, some obviously more extreme than how I had experienced them since it’s fiction, have been recordings of trauma I have went through.
My own dad force fed me. Forced me to eat food and gain weight. My first boyfriend was a feeder that manipulated me into gaining more weight and took measurements. Called me pig names and abused me. Hit me, manipulated me into having s** with him and then let all of his fantasies out on me.
I don’t make this shit up. I hate my brain for being so twisted now, that I actually find it hot and arousing. It’s weird. I know, but that’s how it is.
I’ve also never had friends in school. Not even kindergarten. Why? Because my “fat incased body could spread like a virus.” I was being bullied like JK was in Pondus.
I had hot water thrown at me, got glue put on my seats and hair, had my hair ripped out and even got a cigarette burn mark on my arm. Just because I was fat. Just because of how my body was shaped.
I was strangled and locked into a small locker for a night. I was almost killed for running away from my abusive dad from his car and had to listen to things like, “You are going to die when you are 30. No one will ever love you and your body.” That I have trust issues now and am paranoid about everything and everyone.
Those dark stories. I use those dark stories to try to work through my trauma. And yes, it may be absurd to you. It may disgust you, what I write. But sadly, most of it? Most of it really happened to me. To me and other people I’ve talked to as a friend or seen online. Most of what I write will be dark because the human species is made up of terrible creatures.
Fatphobia is an important topic, and I am happy the media has been slowly getting better about it, that people accept us more. But my writing is how I work with my trauma. If I can make fictional characters feel the same things I had to feel, that makes me feel better.
And I’m not hurting anyone with it. So how is it wrong?
I do not support any of this behaviour in real life. I never bullied anyone, I always try to speak up for my friends and tell people if they are being assholes. Because I hate them too and it makes me angry when good people get shit when they do nothing but breathe.
And how @pudgecuddles already said. I don't need you to advocate for body positivity and all that shit when you go out of your way to bully someone that may have experienced the same shit you have. I do not know you or what you went through in your life, but I am sorry. I’m sorry you feel like my stories aren’t okay to write, but this is how I work on my trauma and I need you to respect that.
I’ve said this before. We don’t have to be friends, or even talk to each other.
Just be neutral.
Block me. Filter me out. Pretend I don't exist. But, whatever you do, don’t make posts that call me out while making it obvious you’re talking about me, with the cover that you are advocating against fatphobia. That’s got a name. Cyber-bullying.
Have you hurt me with those posts? Yes you have, but I’ve never wanted bad blood. As you may have noticed, it wasn’t me that made a post. It was my good friend. Because I told her how exhausting it was and she knew about the posts back then.
I have a good idea of who you are.
I remember you.
But I kept my mouth shut. Because this community is my home and the last thing I wanted was for the people who like both of our types of content to feel like they have to choose sides.
In the end, we all rub one out to fat gay boys in a band. No user is better than the rest, and if there are topics you do not enjoy, there is a button for it. No need to drag everyone into it with posts. It’s exhausting and irritating.
Now, I do not accept your apology because you lied to me and I also do not feel like you meant it sincerely knowing what I know now after reading some dm’s. But I also won’t sit here and start shit.
This is my last post about this.
Please block me and enjoy the content you do like.
Nonetheless, I hope you have a nice day and a lovely weekend. Whatever you are experiencing or going through, I hope it gets better. Because even if you hate me personally for creating content you do not support, I’d say that I am a really friendly and nice person.
I do not believe that anyone deserves to be bullied like that and talked down in official posts. It happened before with a friend of mine and you probably remember that I did speak up about it.... But apparently no one learned from it. I really hope this time you do.
Insult me and shit talk me all you want in dm’s, but don’t do it publicly. No one deserves that kind of hate or passive aggressiveness. No one. Since you sound like someone that went through a lot of shit too, you should know better. You should know how it feels to be bullied and what damage it can cause.
I’m already depressed enough and I have bad lows. Let me write my erotica and just enjoy it? That’s all I want? I am a part of this community just like you were. You leaving because you did not like my content, is not my problem. If you cannot block me or ignore it and go so far as to read them and then rant about them negatively, what do you want me to do? I won’t leave the scene just because you don’t like me.
So, you either trash talk me in dm’s from now on so that I do not see it, or you block me. The latter of which would be the more mature thing to do. The more humane thing to do. Because talking behind someone’s back is just as bad.
Again, I don’t know why you felt like it was necessary to send me an ask with lies in it when I got screenshot proof of something else you have said/issues with, so don’t backpedal on me. I know Hun. I know already.
At least stick to what you said and actually apologize or, if you can’t, just block me.
But this ask? This ask just upset me.
Have a nice day.
p.s: The fact that this even needs to be talked about is so absurd and ridiculous to me. The whole thing is a petty party in my eyes that isn't even worth anyone's time? Do people on here really not have any other issues right now or am I in the wrong movie?
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can i say a sort of pointless rambly thing i was thinking about that i can't put under the cut bc i'm on mobile?
jk, i'm not actually asking. ramble below, not edited for clarity. the following is completely unclear and i will not fix it:
i've been thinking about how part of the reason i'm so chill about caryl is bc growing up as a queer woc 99% of my main ships were like, never gonna fucking happen bc they literally couldn't. it was like, "omg, they gazed at each other from across the room, let's analyze the homosexual subtext of this one scene for the next fifty years, that's not necessarily hyperbole." i've watched all my ships fuck other ppl/have other love interests, and i knew that my thing was never gonna be canon, so to see like, one thing being like, "one half of my ship fucked another person several years ago while pining for the other half of my ship," i'm like...#nice, bc that can and likely will be used as a plot point to get them together later on, whereas in other situations i've been in i just kinda had to deal with it. so my impulse when i see ppl losing their shit is to be like
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and to be slightly annoyed, tbh, bc the ship is still on track to be canon, and it's like, literally two white heterosexuals, they're prime candidates for juicy angsty pining that actually gets a resolution.
but!
that being said, i recognize that that attitude isn't necessarily fair. for one thing, i'm not the only queer woc (or some variation thereof) in this fandom, and some ppl's impulse might be exasperation instead, bc like, "wtf, even my mayohet ship has dumb fucking drama," and that's valid as hell, and i get it.
and also, i get that, even if you didn't grow up shipping impossible ships (or mulder/scully, bc that's a brand of bullshit all its own), this has been a suuuuper drawn out process where sometimes it feels like they're legit sprinkling crumbs to keep you hooked, just to play you again, and when you are invested in something, like /rly/ invested, especially if it's a form of escapism or hyperfixation or whatever, that can be e x h a u s t i n g. and i get that. i truly do, and while i make a lot of snide comments about the fandom being bonkers, i do get where the bulk of you are coming from (unless you're one of those ppl who hate on actors and esp actresses for just doing their jobs, and attack them on social media, in which case i am very much judging you and you need to get your life together).
i also realize that in the scheme of things i'm still a newbie. i've been here, what, twoish/threeish years, whereas some of you have been here since the beginning, so i'm not as worn out as y'all. but i also think that gives me a bit of objectivity that some of y'all have (understandably) lost.
my positivity is not meant as a sleight against those of you who are feeling negative, but is more of a semi-objective viewpoint (i say semi, bc lbr, i'm invested af in this, so i definitely have bias), and to me the threads of the storyline they're crafting seem sort of obvious.
like, let's look at it, yeah? they have one season left of this show that has been on for over a decade. they need to cater to everyone to give them a satisfying ending, while still hanging on to carylers bc of the spin-off. darylrreah seems like a very calculated move, bc it gives them both something to make abcers happy, while also creating tension and suspense and pining for carylers (i think they might underestimate just how fed up some carylers are tbh, and are banking on us to hang on for one last ride, which, honestly? if they play it right will probably work.)
if they end up doing a dumb love triangle thing, which, without seeing the episode and gauging the subtext i can't confidently say if i think they will or won't, it will ultimately end in our favor. it has to, bc leah isn't going to third wheel them on the bike in the spin-off. we can say with good authority that whatever that relationship ends up being (again, idk if they'll drag it out or not) it will be temporary. which leaves caryl open to ride off into the sunset and then bone down in every state in the united states and in puerto rico for good measure.
it's a lot of cheap drama, but i really and truly do not think it's anything to worry about, and i still really and truly trust kang to not make it out of character. ik ppl still don't agree with me on that point, and i'm not gonna argue, but to me it really does make perfect sense.
and i also predict that they are gonna play it up hardcore in the promotional shit and talking dead, but when that happens, remember it's bc it gets attention. regardless of where the story is ultimately going, relationship drama gets attention, which gets viewers, which gets amc and twd producers nice and comfy with full pockets
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idk. to sum up ig i just wanted to clarify that i don't mean any harm with my relentless positivity. my history in fandom has just made this seem like nothing in comparison, bc while ppl are freaking out, i'm like, "oh damn, they're actually gonna get together by the end of this, aren't they? i didn't know that could happen!" and that makes me excited instead of upset
and you definitely don't have to listen to me. maybe i'm actually wrong. maybe i'm completely full of bullshit and am just good at making things sound confident. i got a lot of As on papers in college over books i never read, i know how to bs. but i also know how to analyze, and i while i will be the first to tell you i am not the best at a great many things, i do know that i am good at critically analyzing text while taking into account the context it was written in, and imho all signs point to canon caryl. when, i'm not entirely sure, but i see it happening. if it doesn't then they severely fucked up their storytelling, and that'd just be bad writing on their part.
(if you want proof that i'm good at reading writers'/producers' intentions, consider that i watched like, 8 seasons of supernatural before giving up, and said to myself, "i think they're gonna make destiel canon, but not until the very last second bc they are rly into catering to their fans but also have to consider their dumb fanboy audience so they can't do anything crazy overtly gay," and guess who hit the nail on the fucking head on that one)
none of this is important, but it was rattling around my mind grapes and i wanted to write it down into something vaguely coherent, and where else better to do it than here. i can word vomit and then send it into the ether and pretend i never said a thing. i love this horrible website, nothing can compare
i have no real conclusion to this, it was mostly stream of consciousness, but i hope it sort of helps y'all understand where i'm coming from, and why i am as chill as i am about things. not about y'all. y'all cause me so much anxiety i get physically sick and have to legit block tags, but with the actual show content i'm zen as hell
uh
the end ig?
it feels weird even signing off on this, but w/e
-diz
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hettiesworld · 4 years
Text
War and Peace (and Love)
Pairing: Sergeant William (Will) James x OC
Summary: Corporal Joslyn Woods has been transferred to the Delta Camp and she has to work with the bomb disposal unit, consisting of Specialist Eldridge, Sergeant Sanborn and Sergeant James. She is the first female to be put on a bomb disposal unit in Iraq and her duty is to keep James safe from snipers and gunmen, willing to attack James.
During the 365 days of being with them, Woods develops feelings for James after the ‘loss’ of the kid who sold DVDs to James, also known as Beckham. She is there to comfort him and support him throughout the rest of the days.
Warning(s): Spoilers for the movie, angst, strong language, mature themes.
A/n: This is finally the second chapter of this series! Can’t wait for you guys to read it! Some of the gifs are not mine. Credit to the owners.
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Chapter 2:
363 days left in Iraq. 
There was a car left in the town centre with a bomb in it. It was in front of a United Nations building. Joslyn, Sanborn, Eldridge and their leader, Sergeant James arrived at their location. 
All of the citizens were being evacuated as Joslyn helped James into the bomb disposal suit. She didn’t want to but Sanborn and Eldridge were too busy, doing their own thing. Joslyn was trying to make herself busy putting James’s suit on.
“I’m too old for this shit.” James muttered to himself. Joslyn didn’t reply, still making herself busy with his suit. She picked up his helmet, giving it to him and letting him attach it onto himself. She picked up her gun and slung it on her back.
“What? No words of encouragement?” James shouted after her as she had her back towards him. Joslyn rolled her eyes and shouted back, “Don’t die!”
James rolled his eyes and walked toward the car, which suddenly became engulfed in flames. James walked back and got out a fire extinguisher from the humvee. He then walked back to put out the fire and began to examine the car while Eldridge, Sanborn and Joslyn took up their positions as lookouts.
James opened the trunk and found several of the same type of artillery shells he'd seen the day before. 
The desert of Israel was covered in rolling hills. Wind stirred up the wispy sand and the sun’s never ending rays beaten down on him mercilessly. Salty sweat rolled off James’s nose and stung his eyes. The suit was overwhelmingly hot and sticky. After a few moments, he takes his bomb suit off completely, knowing it won't protect him.
“What are you fuckin’ doing?” Joslyn demanded. She was the nearest lookout to James as he finally took off the helmet. “And don’t tell me it’s because of the hot weather!”
James, once again, rolled his eyes and conceded, “There's enough bang in there to send us all to Jesus. I'm gonna die, I wanna die comfortable.”
Joslyn looked over to the car and a bomb canister that James uncovered, which was poking out of the driver’s side of the car. There was enough explosive in the car to kill everyone nearby, including her teammates, even if they took cover. She sighed and said to Sanborn over the comms, “James is taking off his bomb suit.”
“What? Why?”
“I saw. There are a lot of canisters there to blow us up or something. I don’t know. Ask James or something.”
James disarmed the shells and began to search the car for the triggering device, a process that took several minutes. At one point, Sanborn tried to talk to him through a headset.
But all he did was tell him to fuck off.
So, he pulled it off and threw it aside.
A few more very tense minutes passed as James searched the car. Sanborn and Eldridge noticed several groups of Iraqis watching them from rooftops and from a minaret. They also saw a man filming the incident with a video camera. At the car, James finally found the triggering device and detached it. 
“You done?” Joslyn asked him.
James replied with a thumb up but quickly turned into a middle finger.
When he returned to the Hummer, he lit a cigarette and was promptly hit in the face by Sanborn.
“You could’ve gotten us killed, you fucker. Don’t do it again.”
He was angry that James, yet again, refused to acknowledge him or any questions he had. James appeared strangely unoffended, nor was he angry at Sanborn.
Joslyn strutted up to him, taking the cigarette out of his hand and stubbed it out. “No.”
“What the fuck?” James snapped, crossing his arms at Joslyn.
“They’re bad for you.” She claimed, also taking his whole box of the deadly things and putting them in her pocket.
“And why do you care?” 
“I’m responsible for your health and safety. That means you need to stop smoking.”
“You’re not my mom!” Accused James, pointing a finger at her. Joslyn sighed and put down his finger with her hand.
“Yeah? Well, it’s my duty to not get you killed. Whether you like it or not. And by the way, I don’t like this either. So, we both have to suck up and get on with it. Okay?” Joslyn walked off.
Before James could stop her, a colonel on the scene approached James and was clearly impressed with James’s steady nerves and ability to handle such a crisis.
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Back at the base perimeter, Sergeant James confronted Beckham, who sells pirated DVDs to the soldiers. 
“I want my five bucks back, buddy.”
“Five dollars for what, man? You crazy now?”
“Yeah. The DVD you sold me was crap.”
“You crazy, man. That's impossible. It's Hollywood special effects.”
“No. It was shaky. It was out of focus, buddy.”
“What, you want donkey porn?”
“It's crap.”
“Girls on dog? Gay sex, man? Anything you want, you get. I hook you up, man.”
Joslyn was also at the base perimeter, looking over at Beckham and James. She then realised why they hated each other so much.
It’s because they had a crush on each other. Maybe?
He was handsome from the depth of his eyes to the gentle expressions of his voice.
“I'm gonna buy another DVD, okay? But... if it's shaky - look at me - or out of focus, or any way not 100%, I'm gonna chop off your goddamn head with a dull knife. How do you feel about... I'm just kidding, I'm just kidding.”
James handed over some money and continued saying to Beckham, “Here. You're a good kid.”
James was amused as he hugged the kid’s head. “You're a good kid, aren't ya?”
He told Beckham he could keep the money if he was able to block a shot at the makeshift goal area which was set up.
The man looked like he played soccer for his entire life. Under that uniform was a lithe body that knew how to play and his face backed that up. Within his light tanned face are eyes that twinkle. In just moments of Beckham trying to hustle James further, he broke into a boyish grin.
Beckham blocked the shot and James agreed to buy another movie from him, mildly threatening him if it's defective.
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After the team went out to the desert to detonate some of the explosives they've collected on missions (and James recklessly leaving his gloves at the blast zone), she did say to Sanborn that he should stop acting so childish to the idea of blowing James up. She would have agreed to that idea, but not after James’s interaction with Beckham earlier. 
The incident with the Brits and the snipers in the middle of the desert seemed to form a stronger bond between Joslyn and her teammates. Having found that they can actually work well together as a team, they celebrate at James' housing unit.
They took turns pounding each other in the chest and drinking. Joslyn, on the other hand, was sitting in a nearby chair (which was quite comfortable). She rolled her eyes at her teammates’ antics.
By then, they were discussing why James seems to be such a maverick teammate and how he got into their line of work, James shows them a box of parts he's collected from nearly every bomb he's disarmed.
“This box is full of stuff that almost killed me.”
Sanborn saw a picture in James’s box that he got out. “Who’s that?” Sanborn pointed at the photo. James took it out and looked at it.
“That's my son. He's ' tough little bastard. Nothin' like me.”
“You mean to tell me you married?”
“Well, you know, I had a girlfriend and, uh, she got pregnant, so we got married, and we got divorced... or, you know, I thought we got divorced. I mean, she's still living in the house and she says we're still together, so I... I don't know --” 
James paused and got out an engagement ring.
“-- what does that make her? I don't know.”
“Dumb... for still being with your ass.” Sanborn replied, chuckling at him.
James kicked at Sanborn. “Hey! She ain't fucking dumb, all right? She left me, that’s all. We’re not together anymore.”
That’s when it hit Joslyn. It hit her hard. 
Her ex boyfriend’s words, in her head, were like nails and hammers breaking her heart apart, all over again. Her heartbreak was grief that came in waves, gruelling, stealing appetite and sleep alike. It was a shard in her guts that never left, though perhaps in time the edges will dull.
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After Sanborn and Eldridge left, Joslyn kept sitting in the chair.
“You still here?” James pondered, as he closed the door and made his way towards his bed, putting the box back under it.
“Yeah…” Joslyn replied, knees up to her face, hugging herself close. 
“You okay?” James pondered again, walking over to Joslyn, sitting next to her.
She shrugged her shoulders. 
“I guess I wasn’t expecting --” 
Her bottom lip quivered, the same as a baby pushed past endurance. Her eyes became glacier blue under the sheen of water, constant. 
She then started to cry.
“Hey. Hey. Why are you crying?” James asked her, knowing what to do straightaway. 
He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, gently rubbing her arm. Despite the heaviness in her stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her body pressed against his. She sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch made the room warmer somehow.
“I don’t know. I guess your story about your ex-wife and your son reminded me of my ex-boyfriend.”
His fingers were long and slender, easily rubbing her arm, as if casual wind fluttering across the surface of sand and shifting it into motion so easily. Unlike others' his fingers were thin and frail, shaped by prominent phalange bones and knotted where the joints curled around the ends of each long and short bone in his hands. There was no muscle tone or fat definition and his skin was only the layer of dust so fine over the polished white underneath.
“I’m sorry.”
Joslyn bit her lip, eyes everywhere but on James. Then he moved closer with those eyes that look so deeply into her own.
They both knew it was coming.
James held her gently, cupping her face with one hand, also wiping her tears with his thumb. He leaned down and softly kissed the tender area at the base of her neck. Joslyn’s body went rigid with surprise as trembles shook her body and the euphoric warmth blossomed within her once more. Joslyn was breathless with delight as he showered her with gentle, soft kisses, each with its own flicker of warmth. Joslyn gazed up at him, thrilled beyond words to be the recipient of his affection. He drew back again and spent a moment studying her face.
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“Thank you," he said in barely more than a whisper.
"For what?" She replied.
"For being you." His voice wavered, exhilarated from the tension between them.
Joslyn felt her blush deepen under his scrutiny. James gazed at her lovingly, his eyes softening with tenderness before sparking with something else. He tilted her head to the side and kissed her, his lips demanding. Joslyn felt a smoldering heat deep within her as James’s grip tightened, crushing her body to his, gentle yet firm. He slanted her head further, deepening the kiss.
He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her up close against his chest. His hand gently glided through her hair, as he looked at her in a way he had never looked at a girl before. Her eyes were candles in that night, their light a spark of passion... desire. As a small but teasing smile crept upon her face, goosebumps lined her skin, not the kind that one got in the cold, but the kind one gets when nothing else matters except right here, right now.
--------------------
Taglist:
@ilovebrandt​ @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123​ @sarabeth72​ @archerybitch68​ @dreamlesswonder86​ @carissime72​ @yavanna80​ @optimistic-dinosaur-nacho​ @axelwolf8109​ @fizzytaurus​ @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory​
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sweethomelima · 5 years
Conversation
Text || Samcedes
Mercy: Sam, hey its Mercedes
Mercy: Oh if this is the wrong number Sorry.
Sam: No, I told you I didn't change it
Mercy: No this isn't Sam, or no it is Sam because I didn't change it?
Sam: this is Sam
Sam: I didn't change my number
Sam: always been here.
Mercy: Well okay hi. Hope you had a good day today.
Mercy: First I wanted to thank you for not acting weird or anything last night. SJ had fun talking Marvel with you.
Sam: Yeah, you too!
Sam: I was kind of in my element there
Sam: I could've fielded DC too
Mercy: I am sure he would have given you a run for your money, he loves the Flash and Batman.
Mercy: So we are leaving tomorrow and I wanted to see if you had the papers, and if you wanted to see him again before we left.
Sam: I am an expert in Batman!
Sam: Already?
Mercy: Well he will be glad to hear that.
Mercy: Our lives are in L.A. Sam.
Sam: I have them
Sam: I didn't sign them yet
Sam: I'm still reading them
Mercy: Sam there is nothing there that would cause any issues. It's just a divorce.
Sam: My mom said never to sign something you haven't read
Mercy: Okay I understand that
Sam: Just gonna take me awhile.
Sam: idk how long
Mercy: Sam what do I have to do to get you to just sign them now?
Sam: I need to read them. I said that
Mercy: Sam I know if I leave here without them they will never get signed. Why are you holding on so tight to something that was over years ago? Its a divorce stating what's yours is yours and what's mines is mines, simple to the point.
Sam: I just said I wanna read them
Sam: that's it
Mercy: And you also said you don't know how long it will take you to read like 6 pages. I have to go, I can't be here for a long time.
Sam: we both know I'm not very smart
Mercy: That's a lie.
Mercy: You are smarter than you give yourself credit for.
Sam: Still can't read very well
Sam: so I can't tell you how long it'll be
Sam: I have to do other things too, like cleaning my apartment and go to the gym
Mercy: You can read just fine Sam and we both know that.
Mercy: Okay now I know you are playing games.
Sam: it does take me extra time. That's not a lie.
Mercy: I know that Sam, but cleaning your apartment? Really?
Sam: It's very dirty
Mercy: I bet it is
Mercy: I need you to work with me here(edited)
Sam: I am.
Sam: I'm going to read them! I already started!
Mercy: Fine.
Mercy: Soooo we didn't get to talk about you, how is your family?
Sam: Doing well, you know.
Sam: The kids are almost done with high school which makes me feel old but
Mercy: You are Sold
Sam: Don't remind meeeee
Mercy: How is your mom? I have been meaning to talk to her but I know she is might hate me.
Sam: For going to LA?
Sam: I don't think she does
Sam: she always said I should apologize for not going with you haha
Mercy: For leaving, for not telling her about SJ, even if you didn't believe it she would have.
Sam: Yeah, well. She doesn't know about him
Sam: Like I didn't
Mercy: You didn't tell her?
Sam: I've been a little busy trying to come to terms with it myself
Mercy: Maybe I should just go and let you mail it to me.
Sam: If that's your choice.
Mercy: Fine!
Sam: Great.
Sam: I'll send them
Sam: When do you need them?
Sam: I'll get them to you then.
Mercy: Monday
Sam: And when are you getting married?
Mercy: You don't get to know that.
Sam: Okay.
Sam: See, I'm trying to make sure I have them to you when you need them
Sam: I want to have time to think about it.
Mercy: What is there to think about Samuel?
Sam: A lot.
Sam: like maybe I should get to see SJ.
Sam: so maybe we need a custody thing.
Sam: I don't know
Mercy: SO NOW YOU WANT TO KNOW YOUR SON? AFTER YOU HAD 8 YEARS?
Sam: I JUST FOUND OUT
Sam: THIS SHIT YOU'RE PULLING ISN'T CUTE
Mercy: That stuff I'm pulling? I wrote you and told you that I was pregnant, that you should just swallow your damn pride and come to me, and you sent back divorce papers, so don't get me started on that one.
Sam: You sent ME divorce papers!
Sam: and no letter
Sam: Jesus Christ, is this what you think is fun now?
Sam: Fucking with some townie loser you used be with?
Mercy: Are you serious right now?
Mercy: Like I can't tell if you are playing with me right now.
Sam: I'm very serious. It's not funny.
Mercy: Then stop playing around and be serious. I got your papers, which is why I find it funny that you never signed it. I get you were bitter but to abandon your pregnant wife?
Mercy: I always thought you were better than that.
Sam: I didn't do ANY of that
Sam: I mean, the last part happened inadvertently but I didn't send anything! Or get anything other than some divorce papers which, yes, I did not sign.
Mercy: My manager handed me the papers they were addressed to me, sent from you.
Sam: if I sent them, don't you think I'd have signed them first
Mercy: Sometimes you are scatterbrained.
Sam: I think you sent me divorce papers when you found out you were pregnant because you didn't think I was ready or something
Sam: I was
Mercy: Wow, for the record Sam, I thought you would be an amazing father. Ima gonna go.
Sam: Great
Mercy: It was nice seeing you Sam, if you could tell your parents before tomorrow about YOUR SON that would be great since I will let him meet them before I leave Lima for good.
Sam: How am I supposed to explain an eight year old I JUST found out about and how the fuck I missed that?
Mercy: Figure it out. I had too.
Sam: You keep acting like I knew.
Sam: Like you don't know me well enough to know I could never not step in.
Mercy: I told you Sam, I put that on everything, I don't know what happened, if you blocked it out, if you are trying to justify not being here by saying I didn't but I know my truth.
Mercy: I may not have told the world I have a child, because by the time I got on the scene and really started making a name for myself he was 2 and I didn't want that life for him, so I never said anything to maintain some privacy in my life. But you, I told you.
Sam: You didn't.
Sam: This isn't funny.
Mercy: No its not funny not at all.
Mercy: You really didn't know? Not in all these years? Because I swear to you I sent you that letter telling you about him.
Sam: I didn't get a letter.
Sam: Just divorce papers.
Mercy: This makes no sense
Sam: Hey, were on the same page for once
Mercy: Sam I promise you I sent you the letter, and then I got divorce papers in return
Sam: and I didn't send them.
Sam: if there was a letter, I'd have been there
Sam: could have called
Mercy: Call the man who refused to pick up his life and move with me for my dream?
Mercy: I couldn't call you, it hurt too much
Sam: You could have come back when you weren't recording.
Sam: I have a life here, Mercy.
Mercy: Come back to a man who didn't want me.
Mercy: I know that Sam, but I had a future there.
Sam: I did want you
Sam: I've always wanted you
Mercy: I guess it doesn't matter now does it?
Sam: Yeah
Sam: Your whole story is fucking me up
Sam: I don't get how this became my fault?
Mercy: I asked you to come with me Sam, I told you I wanted us to be together, I gave you the ticket to come. You didn't.
Sam: I said the same thing, but you didn't like my way
Mercy: I was scared, scared if I stayed in Lima, even part time, that I would lose myself.
Sam: Yeah
Mercy: I am trying to be honest with you. I thought you would just come when you were ready
Sam: I'm not ready
Sam: I know you and probably everyone else from glee "outgrew" Lima
Sam: I still haven't.
Mercy: I know. It's why I had to move on Sam, and you had to find someone who wanted the same things you do. You deserved that.
Sam: I never wanted anyone else
Mercy: Sam I just
Mercy: Sam I want you to be happy
Sam: Yeah
Sam: I said I'll send them
Mercy: Send what?
Mercy: Oh I wasn't even thinking about thing right now
Sam: I'm just saying. You want to leave again and I'm not stopping you
Mercy: I know you aren't. You moved on too.
Sam: I didn't.
Mercy: You did. You can say you didn't but the truth is if you didn't move on we would still be together.
Sam: because I didn't go to LA?
Sam: Why was I the only one who had to give something up
Mercy: You weren't! I had to give up you! SJ had to give up a father! You aren't the only one who lost something Sam, I lost you.
Sam: yeah, I lost you and him too.
Mercy: You can have a relationship with him if you want.
Sam: And so will your fiancé
Mercy: He's not a bad guy.
Sam: Hey, I never said he was
Mercy: Just thought you should know
Sam: I don't care about him
Sam: [ five minutes later ] No, we both know that's a lie. I hate him
Mercy: Why do you hate him?
Sam: You'll know exactly why if you stop and think for a second
Mercy: Because of SJ
Sam: Not Just
Mercy: What do you want from me Sam?
Sam: Do I need to say it!
Mercy: Well I certainly don't know
Sam: You.
Mercy:-[Deleted] Sam don't do this.
Mercy:-[Deleted] I just got over you...
[five minutes later]
Mercy: I can stay for a few more days so you can spend time with SJ.
Sam: Yeah, maybe we can figure out how to tell my mom lol
Mercy: I'm gonna let you do that one
Sam: No help?
Mercy: Fine
Sam: I doubt she'll buy the truth
Sam: Which you apparently don't buy either.
Mercy: Why wouldn't I tell you?
Sam: I don't know!
Mercy: I don't wanna go back around in a circle like this.
Sam: I just wanted to know why you didn't tell me
Mercy: And I keep telling you that I did. I wrote you I felt if I called you I would break down and a letter was safer...
Sam: I didn't get a letter!
Sam: I don't know why you don't believe me
Mercy: I don't know why you don't believe me.
Sam: Because I only got the papers you sent me.
Mercy: The papers I sent back to you
Sam: Right because I sent you unsigned papers
Sam: I thought you agreed I wasn't dumb lol
Mercy: I don't know what to tell you.
Sam: Okay
Mercy: So where does that leave us Sam?
Sam: Not where I want to be
Mercy: when are you free?
Sam: i'm free now
Mercy: I was going to take SJ to the Zoo, you can come with us.
Sam: I'm always up for being with you
Sam: And SJ. Really hoping he'll like me lol
Mercy: SJ loves you he's still talking about you. Just so you know going to a Zoo or park with me is often... crazy I wanna say.
Sam: Good.
Sam: is it bad I want him to like me more than your fiancé?
Sam: Probably not. I'm his father.
Sam: You think I don't remember how you get?
Mercy: it's not bad Sam, SJ is your son of course you want him to like you
Mercy: He will like you just fine.
Mercy: I mean it's been years
Sam: Hopefully.
Sam: And maybe I'll have to come to LA and see him.
Sam: I remember everything about you
[Mercy:Deleted] So you will go to L.A. for th-
Mercy: yeah maybe.
Mercy: I will have the car pick you up unless you just wanna meet us there
Sam: Whatever works for you.
Mercy: You gonna be okay being driven around in a town car?
Sam: Unless you're gonna let me pick up you two in my old truck?
Mercy: Soooo if I tell you something you gotta keep it secret
Sam: Now I'm curious
Mercy: My driver is my bodyguard, under my contract I can't go anywhere without him.
Sam: Are you saying I'm not able to protect you?
Mercy: Not at all its just in my contract
Sam: Sneak off
Mercy: Yeah I get fined for that
Mercy: He won't bother us, you won't even know he's there
Sam: I don't know if I believe that but!
Mercy: But?!...
Sam: But I'm good
Mercy: You gotta be clear babe you coming with?
Sam: Babe?
Sam: I'll meet you there
Mercy: What? Why did you call me Babe?
Mercy: Okay
Sam: You called me babe and I was questioning it
Mercy: I did?
Mercy: Oh I did, I'm sorry
Sam: It's fine
Mercy: We will see you there.
Mercy: SJ wants me to wear my "Spidermom" because he is wearing his, if you want to wear Spiderman you can
Sam: I got you
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kingsuckjin · 3 years
Note
Hey moon, i just read your post on how fanfic writing can be such a pressure. You know you're one of the first writers i read fanfics of and decided to open a tumblr account. Your writing is so good moon. I hope you know it. And i actually understand where you are coming from. Maybe not with writing but with other stuff that i love to do. I think it's only human nature that we feel like doing better that we did before. Fear of failure, rejection it gets everyone i believe. So i think it's okay that u feel like that? Like okay in the sense that i happens cause we're all humans and it's part of the struggle. Pretty shitty but that's just how it is. When i get overwhelmed i usually take some time off of everything and everyone. Like get in solitude type until i feel like i fixed myself enough to face the world again. Whatever it is that's making you feel so tired or guilty (which it shouldn't be) i hope you let yourself heal from it. Life is changing all the time, so even though if you feel like you can't do this anymore right now. Sometimes later you might get the enthusiasm back to do it again. And then it wouldn't matter if anyone is liking it or following it much or not. It'll be only about your happiness. I hope you find that soon moon. But attaining you inner peace is the first thing here.
Idk if what i'm trying to say made much sense. You don't have to reply. I just wanted you to know this. I hope you feel better soon. Sending positive vibes and good wishes. Take a virtual hug and stay blessed sweetheart. Love you tons ❤💜❤💜❤💜❤
Hey there love🖤 it made perfect sense. This is going to be a long one and I'm gonna put warnings Tw: sexual harassment, bad friends, mental health, name calling, bullying and just a lot of terrible things I've been through and me explaining why I just can't be here on this blog. I know I've said dome of it before but I'm telling you, you all really have no idea.
I don't know if it's as much burnout or guilt as this blog is becoming overwhelming and I'm not sure how to maintain it. Before I started writing is casually comment on fics and leave reviews and compliments, and sometimes writers wouldn't answer them and I felt like it was something I did or said or they just didn't care, I was a whole idiot then. Even when I started writing and began to kind of gain a following I said to myself “this is easy to reply to comments and messages and requests, I don't have to accidentally hurt anyone by not replying” and then I just kept growing and learned how dumb I was. I love the interaction, and I read it all, every comment, every ask, every message and I'm unbelievably grateful for it and I'm fully aware other writers lack it and need it (and to even say all of this makes me feel terrible, I also deal with the feeling that I don't deserve all the kindness and comments) like, other writers get little to no interaction but sometimes when you aren't at your best mentally it's hard to keep up with even the slightest amount of interaction with people and often times id take a break after putting out something that did well because it was a little overwhelming and I also didn't feel like I deserved it (good old imposter syndrome). I have so many friends I've made on here that don't do as well as I do but in my opinion are MUCH better writers. On the opposite end, I've also had “friends” on here that would talk to me only to ask me to reblog their fics. Idk that's the other end of it, you just don't know who to trust on here and who actually cares and wants to really be friends. Since I've announced that I'm leaving this blog it's really shown me who actually cares about me as a person and not only whatever little measly about of influence I can give and bring to others. So I just want away from it all.
My actual plan is to shut it down here on kingsuckjin and keep writing on my other blog where I have set up boundaries for limited personal interactions. I don't care about the likes or reblogs, I just don't want the tangled web of this blog anymore. This is a hobby and it should never be this deep, but I know it was my fault for making it this deep so now I'm just going to start again and just keep it as a hobby and not let it take over so much of my time. It's not that I don't have the willpower to write, I'll always write, it's what I love, I just don't have the willpower to deal with some of the toxic stuff and people that come along with it all when you're in too deep here.
It's all just draining, and that's not even counting the terrible and scarring asks I get telling me bad things that someone is going to do to you all and myself, you wouldn't believe the stuff I've gotten and that I know others close to me have gotten in their ask boxes. Some people say they don't get anon hate and it makes me so happy to hear them say that, I long for that, I know a lot of us do. But leaving this blog is like leaving a bad relationship. I see my peers get a wave of anon hate and I say “fuck, not this again, that makes me feel so bad”, I see a wave of fics being stolen and say the same thing, I see other writers bullying smaller ones and say the same thing, I see racist people, gatekeepers, people hating on olderpeople here, people scrutinizing others hard work, people hating on genders and sexualities. You know what one of my first asks was when I started? “You need to be using more commas, it's hard to read your fics and you look illiterate” and English isn't even my first language, it's not the language first learned, I didn't learn it until I started school. I'm not a professional writer I've had never claimed to be a good writer, I didn't ask for any “constructive criticism” or anyone's two cents and honestly some people just need to keep stuff to themselves.
I've seen too much shit and while I spent a lot of time fighting all sorts of shit on here because it feels right, but it gets me nowhere and nothing but being labeled as some sort of a problematic blog and I’ve been told by other writers “yeah, I blocked you because I don't want to see that problematic shit on my dash” after I was fucking bullied along with countless others by one group of people. You can imagine after taking all of this, everything I've mentioned so far, how someone could feel too drained and scared to interact with people on here.
I know blogs that don't get into stuff or talk about things like that and I'm definitely not saying they're wrong because I now have a blog that I do that on too. Tbh, sadly, I think that's where a chunk of my followers came from, not my fics but me saying something isn't right and it feels in a way that I've gained followers off of “drama” and that makes me a little sick. While not saying anything and ignoring problems on here might not be great and also ignoring it won't make it go away, neither will me getting all fighty and upset over it, that just hurts me. I just want things to be more shallow, I just want this to be just a hobby again.
Anyway, the point I suppose is that I just need to shut the hell up and keep this place as it's needed to be for me, a place for me to share my writing and that's all because it's what best for me mentally. While interaction and stuff is great and myself and other writers do love it, there can be a darker shadow that comes with it like asks that state gross shit in detail that they would do to me or all the hateful the comments on fics id have to delete. I've been stalked, sexually harassed, plain old harassed, bullied, manipulated, made fun of, blackmailed, backstabbed, lied about, exposed, yelled at, and called horrible names more than I've ever publically and openly ever shared with any of you on this blog and more times than I can count on two hands or even four. Some people are fuckin just... well, they're not good, and it's made me just a little bit bonkers as well. it could be manageable, any one or two or even three of these things I've listed could be manageable and enough to carry on, but it's been a lot to keep carrying with all of this built up over the past few years. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love this place and how it brings people together and helps make changes and do so much good, but at the same time FUCK this place and I say that from the bottom of my soul. It's time for me to stand back away from it all and start again where I limit everything. I just wanna chill and write somewhere fresh and that's what I've been doing and I love it so much and I don't think if trade any about of followers, notes, popularity, or whatever else for it, that's not what it's about for me and if it is for someone else then that's okay, that's fine, as long as they're not hurting others to get it. I'm just saying I'm having a hard time engaging normally on here with everything else that's happening and has happened, it's just a me thing and I speak for no one else and it's nothing at all that all of my kind, supportive, loving, and talkative followers and moots have done.
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