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jemmo · 2 years

Note

I'm the anon that sent the ask about pat's anger, and wow wow wow I wasn't expecting such a detailed answer but it was sooo appreciated, you really put my thoughts into coherent words lol

like of course he didn't really have to face the consequences of his actions, he's impulsive, he even said so himself and of course he would resort to violence cause that's what his father taught him and would want him to do

and that's why I'm even more impressed by how good he is at understanding pran and communicating and basically being empathetic, like where does he get it from if his environment didn't encourage this kind of behaviour at all??

and also now I'm so curious to see how he'll react when he finds out what the family feud is about and eventually confronts his father, I mean he'll definitely be angry with him but I can also see him be the mediator between the two families

thank you so much dear anon for giving me the chance to rant!! its not like my thoughts were that coherent either, i just find digging into these elements of the characters so fascinating i could do it all day.

and you raise v v good points anon. i honestly think its so admirable and inspiring and beautiful that pat managed to grow into such an empathetic and understanding person. i do think part of it comes naturally, both for pat and for pran. again, this is something me and @thecookiemonster77 talk about a lot, about how pat and pran managed to have their eyes and minds open enough to see that there was no real bad feelings between them, no hostility. thats just a narrative their parents pushed onto them, but they were able to see past it and say 'hey, what has this guy actually done to me thats so bad??'. and not to go back to a certain persons favourite point, but the fact they CHOSE to see past that façade, CHOSE to meet each other halfway with understanding is again so admirable.

but also, after having that kind of revelation, that the other really isn't that bad at all, i think there's an element of pat and pran seeing their parents as a bad role model, as in 'here's what we don't want to do, here's what we don't want to become' bc they don't want to perpetuate that feud through their generation. again, we go back to pat having this simple world view, which is at odds with his dad who puts all these invisible, societal rules in place about manliness that pat just doesn't see. and maybe that's a generational difference; pat has not been exposed to those expectations as his father was and therefore doesn't feel the need to live up to them. and maybe that encourages him to question what his dad says, and that leads him to really think about and consider the people around him and his ability to empathise grows from there. i definitely think both of them are very aware now of the roles imposed onto them and the fact they're bullshit. they may be unconsciously influenced in other ways, but they both know how to put the mask on, and that the mask isn't right. and i feel like thats gotta lead to some element of questioning, like 'ok i know this isnt what we should be like, so how should we be?'. and that provides so much room for growth and empathy and development, when you are almost actively searching for the person you want to be. and that might not be a conscious effort by pat, but i just get the feeling he's been on a journey like that.

as for the reason for the family feud, god im so ready to find out what it is. seriously, i need ep 10 to drop rn and spill all the goss. as for what it is, idk. but for pat, i could see it going a couple of ways. bc if the reason is stupid i think he will fully call ppl out. he will go to his father and be like you've hung onto this for this long over something this dumb and petty?? thats not a good enough reason to keep me away from someone i care about dearly, not by a long shot. and if it is something more, something where he can understand why there might be tension and hostility, i could still see him being the person trying to change ppls ways, especially his father. try to encourage empathy and understanding, initiate discussion and communication so they can get somewhere, move on and aren't stuck in such a hateful mindset. bc thats who he is, and i'd really love for his father, who said he was disappointed in him over something so stupid, to finally open his eyes and see what an incredible and inspiring man his son has turned into, and be proud of him for that.

dont mind me crying over pat finally getting the praise and recognition he deserves bc in a work filled with so much hate and negativity, it really is hard for him to be so un-phased by it, be such a good and positive force. god i just love the bones of him.

anyway sweet anon thanks for facilitating yet another long-winded, emotionally charged rant, and apologises for making you read all my messy thoughts again. i just cant stop at this point :))

#bad buddy #bad buddy series #patpran #yes everytime i rant no matter what its about itll always end up with me crying about how pat is legitimately the best boy ever #no i will not take arguments #hes something else #and i want him to know hes just fucking awesome #made by jemmo

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kuboism · 3 years

Text

Bleach Canon Vs. Studio Clown Episode 1

Intro to the series

WARNING: Long read but theres plenty of pictures

The first deviation we’re greeted with is what the anime presents as the arrival of hollows into the human world. With a likely artistic rendition of them forming from the shadows of Hueco Mundo and dripping/bleeding over into the human world like splotches of ink, after which they disappear - unable to be perceived by humans.

A/N: Which, kubos to the anime, is rather neat.

The anime also decided to incorporate the first volume poem which is the thematic beginning and a great establisher of the mood/themes of Bleach, which roughly translates to:

我らは姿無きが故にそれを畏れ

“We fear that which cannot be seen”

And then they curiously add a line to this poem?

姿無き故に敬う

”We revere that which cannot be seen"

A/N: Which, initially seems on brand with the spiritualism of that “which is not seen” - the shinigami, DEATH itself if you will. However, unlike the themes of “fear” and “fear of death/the unseen”, “reverence” is not really a theme prevalent or definitive for bleach. Reverence is not particularly reserved for death or death gods, but antagonists with themes of divinity/the Soul King himself, but I digress.

Next off the bully scene has a couple of missing/reworded lines, as well as some of the delivery changed, but overall it’s not significant enough to mention.

I also wish they’d kept Ichigo’s shit yourself scary face from this moment right here, since it really underlines how serious and personally invested Ichigo is in bringing small justice to the souls of the departed, but I can only pray a future remake does include it.

^ I am disappointed in y’all :/

vs.

v Karma delivery, bitch

Then for some reason the next scene is changed significantly:

In the manga, it builds up slowly to Ichigo’s reveal of supernatural abilities with the iconic TM character profile intros (which I can see why weren’t recreated in the anime, but I sure wish they put them in....)

with him spooking the bullies off with the ghost girl right behind him

Versus his scary face doing the job instead.....

It’s a small change, and I can see why it would be opted for - we don’t really know if they even saw the ghost in the first place (then again you could argue that would spook them anyway). There is a tonal difference in the long run though. The manga emphasizes once again *why* ichigo is scolding them in the first place - he sees the people disrespected by them knocking down the vase, he wants them to acknowledge their actions *because* in his mind, there are real victims he knows from it. While in the anime, since the ghost is not yet introduced, it feels more like “you are disrespectful to the dead” in a more generalized way vs. him actually being acquainted with the dead and treating them like the living.

(Again, not sure why change it so much at all........the suspense and reveal are in the manga just the same.... but ok)

As well as cutting off this small moment where you can see Ichigo’s very human (and cute!) interactions with the ghosts. To him they’re just as real as the living, and he lends them a hand whenever they ask for help.

Also lmfao this 4kids level of censorship.....

It goes on rather faithfully for a while, no significant omissions, then Pierrot decides to randomly replace Yuzu’s lines with Karin??

Manga:

Anime:

Which is an odd choice, given that not only does Yuzu sense ghosts just fine (albeit at a much lesser level than her family) and that later comes into play with Fishbone & Grandfisher, but Karin literally later admits that she doesn’t even want to acknowledge their presence, so why the change....?

They also cut short Karin’s little talk about Ichigo’s stats, which is a fair change for screentime’s sake, but mentioned for the record.

There’s a bit of a divergence with Yuzu lore, when the manga explicitly states she sees them, but not “clearly”, the anime focuses on her barely sensing them. I guess it doesn’t matter that much in the long run, since she is not that prevalent in the story, but it’s here for the record nonetheless.

Anime:

vs.

Manga:A

Also this next bit was removed, probably for the sake of pacing (which, totally fair!!), but it’s funny and I love the Kurosaki family so here it is:

It does make the flow a bit better in the manga, since this talk of selling his talents distracts Ichigo and creates an opening for his father to strike, in the anime, the same is done with Ichigo just randomly saying

and thats where his father attacks him, which isnt really an issue, just kind of funny of how the manga is like:

Ichigo’s distracted by his sisters plotting to sell him out and hence Isshin has his chance to strike back

vs the anime being like:

Ichigo randomly thinks about dinner mid convo about ghosts and thats what distracts him from play-fighting with his dad

gfdkhlgfdg okayyyy....moving on

In the manga this scene is interspliced with Ichigo’s inner monologue about the nature of his powers (with hip jargon like “for real” courtesy of Viz )

(but my beef with Viz translations are for another day)

Also the line about “He told me more ghosts than ever have been haunting me” has been given to Karin for some reason, probably to make her feel more included in the scene/Ichigos life.

Notably, Isshin’s response is changed from “What?! He talks about stuff like that with you (Yuzu, singular)” to “What?! He talks about stuff like that with you guys?” as well, again probably to include Karin more into the dialogue. (Mmmm ok....)

Minor detail, but Karin’s lines has been changed to more “boyish” speech structure in the Japanese dub, which may seem insignificant, but ...... that is for later.

.....

This little exchange

is replaced with:

Which, seems innocuous adaptation differences, but Yuzu’s lines keep decreasing and it’s a short enough moment to like....include and establish how motherly Yuzu is acting towards Ichigo.....but ok...huh.

And now we get into the big boy changes.

So, probably for the sake of grounding the supernatural element of the series, the anime decided to skip time to the next morning and introduce the hollow attacks with a news report.

Which.....is an interesting choice. I am assuming this is addressing how the real world perceives the hollow attacks, which Bleach doesn’t put too much effort into addressing, but very soon after this we learn about stuff like memory replacement and other various technology to keep things under wraps so this is either redundant or implying that shinigamis have not been doing their job, which hm......

Next off is the bizarre choice to paint Isshin out of the picture for the night

Not sure why, but ok

Again, where’s the shinigami with their Kikanshinki (memory replacement devices)??? Pierrot where’s the lore coherence......

Anyway, Ichigo goes to replace the girl’s vase, but suprise-surprise she’s gone-zo. Wonder what happened to her.....

(And....again, people vehemently don’t want a reboot when the anime looks like this? )

So Ichigo hears a scream and a hollow scream and follows the sound (Ok?).

Totally random hollows attack. Which Ichigo somehow has never seen so far? Mind you, this isn’t like in the manga, where Fishbone was sent by Aizen specifically after Ichigo to make him aware of it. These are random-ass hollows attacking people, so how come Ichigo suddenly sees them. Ya coulda played it safe Pierrot, and stuck to the book, but we got plot inconsistencies episode one so let’s party.

The girl is, of course, not eaten and they run away.

She trips at the most inconvenient moment. (can ghosts trip? Ghost don’t even have legs in japanese lore and Kubo draws them floating around so okkkkkkkk)

(ok ok, im just being petty, bUT YKNOW)

(convenient tripping on deadass levelled ground is convenient)

(also God I really want that bag Ichigo’s got on his shoulder, it looks so nice)

Random-ass hollow closes in and

BOOM

Rukia

(Now, if the rest of Bleach and the manga didn’t exist I would like this moment. We get a glimpse into Rukia’s abilities, into shinigami as a concept and we don’t really get to see her slice and dice hollows that much overall so the moment itself is rad in isolation.

Now, unfortunately for Pierrot’s screenwriters, Bleach manga exists and so does it’s lore, which again, would not be inconsistent with each other if the adapation was faithful. Now, Ichigo sees a shinigami, for some reason, for the first time in his 15 years of life. All of a sudden.

You could argue, that much like in the manga, this is all part of Aizen’s plan TM, but like, she literally leaves right after leaving Ichigo gaping in awe ghfkjgdf. Why’d Aizen give him an appetizer, I really don’t understand how this change is benefitting the narrative in any way. It’s ....dare I say....generic.)

Rukia yeets the hollow

(why is this kid suddenly not wearing shoes?)

and goes off on her merry way, leaving Ichigo shooketh

ALSO RUKIA MA’AM THERES A FUCKING STRAY GHOST RIGHT AT YOUR RIGHT????? ISNT IT YOUR LIKE....JOB.......... TO HELP GHOSTS MOVE ON??? i know killing hollows is the fun part, but like ghjkfdlgfd ??? are you gonna ignore her???

( his fucking face ghfjdkgdlfgfd)

So after this wholeass pointless detour (you’ll see why it’s pointless in a moment) we timeskip again (the filler is strong in this one. These 6 minutes were worth not coming up with something cohesive and removing scenes that actually make sense ah yes)

Ichigo is in deep thought TM about who tf is the stranger he’d just seen. Likely mulling over the monsters and how this person was able to slay said monsters. Probably thinking how unusual they are.

and as if on cue

the stranger makes their presence once more

(my God these faces gfhgkldfg)

....

Now let’s briefly address what happens in the manga instead.

Instead of the whole timeskip scene with the fight, Ichigo simply returns to his room on the same day, and oddly enough recognizes the species of the butterfly he sees? (nerdy boi! nerdy!! boi!)

rukia arrives much the same

(With the little text emphasizing how he’d never been aware of soul reapers, which is unsurprising given their secrecy, and makes sense in the long run since their first meeting is specifically orchestrated by Aizen. Two species that werent meant to interact brought together by his schemes.)

Back to the anime:

Ichigo pauses to ponder who tf they are and why the fuck they’re there.

and then the anime has the gall to suddenly revert to sticking to the manga, which like.... Ichigo kicks her for no reason? I guess because she isn’t answering? Even though Ichigo knows she has a sword and can wield it? Reckless boy.

Manga Ichigo thinks she’s a burglar, therefore, unsurprisingly, is comfortable kicking her outta his house. It’s a silly moment, but it also shows how accustomed or stupidly brave he is with the supernatural.

In the anime Ichigo asks her who she is instead of all that, and she responds pretty similarly to the manga

AND THE NEXT SCENE IS WHERE IT CLICKS WHY THEY WENT OUT OF THEIR WAY TO REMOVE ISSHIN FROM THE HOUSE.

(Ichigo and Rukia addressing the pointless filler, this leads nowhere)

Rukia check him out like she’s checking if the oranges on sale dont have mold on them

slapstick ensues

and Rukia decides to answer his question.

Vs. the manga in which Isshin doesn’t leave his children home alone for some random conference and is actually used very efficient for two reasons:

1) building up on the burglar gag with actually funny slapstick that is based on a previously established joke

2) Instead of Rukia just saying “oh usually people can’t see me”, we get an actual demonstration of it, the reader gets to see “oh Isshin can’t see her - she must be a spiritual entity,” which further clicks with her surprised reaction at him being able to kick her in the first place.

The next scene is the classique Pierrot censorship.

Ghost girl runs away from what I’m assuming is Fishbone.

Aside from not showing her get eaten, the scene is pretty much delivering the same message,

bUT

BECAUSE OF THE STUPID ASS FILLER WITH THEM MEETING RUKIA BEFORE THIS, I CAN ACCUSE RUKIA OF NEGLIGENCE.

UNLIKE THE MANGA, where Rukia arrives the night before and is specifically seeking Fishbone, therefore having no time to help this girl pass away,

This vvvvvvv

could have been prevented if SOMEONE DID THEIR FUCKING JOB THE DAY BEFORE VVVVVVV

(I rest my case. Thank you Pierrot for making Rukia either negligent or an idiot. Awesome, And mind you, these changes were unnecessary. The manga’s pacing is fine. They could’ve extended scenes. But nope, had to go for making them meet beforehand.)

Anyway, we get to see some actual stakes in the manga

The next scene which is this in the manga

has two changes to it. Firstly, obviously Isshin being consoled by Yuzu isn’t included since he isn’t home in the anime, and even if he were, I can see why that would be removed, cute as it may be.

And secondly, due to them having met prior Ichigo asks two additional questions:

And Rukia nods at both, which means she acknowledges that she had seen the girl the hollow was after and yet did nothing to help her pass on.

(Reminder the Bleach anime was in production WAAAAY past the first 4 volumes, which gave a good general idea of the series, which y’know, was fine to adapt as is.

You’ll see these changes add up into becoming inconsistent with further Bleach lore. There’s a reason people call Bleach a hot mess, and I’m afraid Kubo ain’t really it.)

(Volume 14 Note from Kubo where he talks about the anime being announced)

Back to the series

Pet peeve time: Wish the anime was half as expressive as the manga

These scenes are supposed to represent

This panel:

(Nitpicking? Perhaps, but idc)

So uh, this scene is odd

Again, because of the addition of that filler with the hollow

Ichigo has seen her in action

And they even added Rukia trying to convince him

even though, yknow???

LITerally the previous day???

Anyway in the manga, where Ichigo has reason to be distrustful of her and her claims since y’know hes never seen her or a shinigami in action, but has enough proof that she’s a ghost bc his dad didn’t see her, he simply dismisses her before she can reply, and instead of just getting angry for being called a pipsqueak

she shows both Ichigo and the audience proof of her spiritual powers by binding Ichigo and forcing him to quietly listen to her explanations.

(To reiterate - Anime Rukia has to verbally try to convince Ichigo WHO SAW HER FIGHT A HOLLOW THE OTHER DAY that shes no ordinary ghost. And because of that, she has no other reason to use Sai on him other than that shes mad she was called a pipsqueak bc she just tried to verbally convince him shei is a shinigami. When they could just adapt the manga and have her both demonstrate her powers and put him in his place at the same time. Wild.)

Also CRIMINALLY BORING SHOT, WITH CRIMINALLY BORING RUKIA

#NotMyRukia

LOOK AT THE MANGA

LOOK AT HER SMUGLY OWNING ICHIGO’S IGNORANT ASS #FuckYeahRukia

Also the subs may not show it if you’re watching it on Netflix, but anime Rukia says “I am not allowed to lay my hands on humans outside orders,” which like, you ARE LITERALLY DOING THAT. Manga Rukia is fine with bullying Ichigo, but she draws a line at killing him, but man Anime Rukia, you give no fucks about the laws huh.

why so cheerful?

(also Rukia be right tho)

(specifcally compared to hell you could say Soul society is a resftul place lmfao)

Also anime salary man gets to rest in peace, even like, pray and shit

Meanwhile the manga

YEET TO SOUL SOCIETY

(also notice how we’ve been robbed of ichigo’s silly socks

I swear the anime knows how to suck the soul out of the manga

Get it? Soul! haha ....moving on.)

Really Rukia? One of your jobs?

GUESS YOU WERE OFF DUTY HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(I’M SORRY BUT LIKE, SEE HOW POINTLESS THIS FILLER IS UGH!!!)

(Again pet peeve but look at how ugly this screen is COMPARED TO THE MANGA)

(What have they done to you, queen)

(also they never mention the name Konso ( or as Viz calls it here -”soul funeral”, thanks Viz)

Next on, not a pet peeve, but an observation:

Anime Rukia keeps her sketchbook in her kimono

Manga Rukia keeps it at the titty

Yep, which you neglected to do the day before,

she literally says “With the konso I did just a moment ago” like she used the word before. Like you can contextually get it, but why cut that line out of the dialogue if you don’t change the next line it’s referenced in?

There’s also a dialogue change from the manga’s well, Viz uses “vaporize” which is not a bad choice given the specific wording Kubo uses, but the original says

昇華 • 滅却

sublimate/convert • extinguish

which is a clever little nod/foreshadowing to the nature of souls in bleach and that they can be “converted” in and out of a hollowfied state.

While the anime just says “to slay hollows”, and albeit it lacks the little nod the manga has to offer, I can’t see how they’d include it in the anime at that stage so I’m fine with them simplifying it to like, an exorcism.

A better question then Rukia - WHY DIDN’T YOU SEND OFF HER SOUL????

also WAIT THE GIRL IS STILL ALIVE?? she’s dead-dead by this point in the manga.

BULLSHIT !!! YOU LITERALLY EXPLAIN LATER WHY!! ACTUALLY YOU EXPLAINED EARLIER WHY!!! YOU LITERALLY SAID THIS, 1 MINUTE AGO :

Anyway, Fishbone almost grants her the priviledge of escaping this God-awful anime, but is suddenly stopped?

AND CAN TALK??

wait WHY DOES FISHBONE TALK?? GHFJD isnt this supposed to be a juicy reveal for later when Ichigo realizes “hey theyre not actual complete monsters - but used to be humans!” Hm, ok.

Also leaves her alone? Damn ok...

Reminder:

Moooving on...

Speaking of the manga, this little moment is missing:

Since there is no pointless filler that would make him ask about the ghost girl therefore exposing Rukia’s slacking off of her duty, Ichigo realizes that there must be a hollow nearby bc in the manga he actually has braincells to spare.

Also wiping off the Baron’s moustache moment is gone 😢

Missing and dearly missed is also this moment, which consolidates how protective Ichigo is of his family. He only needs to hear Yuzu scream to click that the hollow is nearby and his family is in danger. I feel like anime Ichigo should be even more worried since his sisters are alone but ok??

Also foreshadows their dynamic of Rukia trying to stop his reckless attempts at pushing himself to protect his family, bc yknow....she has her own Kaien trauma to process.

Next off....

This is .... a choice....

They were very eager to give Yuzu’s lines to Karin just a couple of moments ago but now this whole exchange:

Where we see a very pragmatic yet soft side of Karin

She doesn’t know what is happening, and doesn’t expect her brother to fight it - he just wants him to be safe, because she loves her family. At least warn him before it gets to him and hurts him.

is replaced with this:

Yuzu, sweetie, what do you think he can do to achieve that.

I guess at least Anime Ichigo tries to get Rukia to do her job as she looks down on Yuzu in silence.

But compare it to the manga:

#MyRukia stops by Karin to check for a pulse and reassures Ichigo that his sister is alive.

Manga Ichigo is NUMBER ONE oniichan in town and doesnt have time to call out to a stranger to save his family - HES BEYOND READY TO GO FIGHT, RECKLESS AS IT IS, EVEN THOUGH HIS OWN FAMILY BEGS HIM TO JUST RUN. because he cant let himself be unable to protect them. He cant live with himself if he doesnt try his darnest to protect them.

*elevator music playing as ichigo tries to get rukia’s attention but she fucks off downstairs, but instead of doing shit he just does the worm on the floor*

which I guess is more realistic for a teenage boy, but Ichigo is literally traumatized by being unable to protect a family member. Y’all think a ghost he’s never seen before is gonna stop him?

Yooo, pathetic. #NotMyIchigo

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ziracona · 4 years

Note

Hi its sleepy anon. I just realized how that previous ask may have sounded in regards to "who the killers faves are" like. im not. asking if they have a "favorite victim" if it sounded like that D: I more meant the "good" killers. Not. The other thing. Which is super weird. D: I need a nap.

Oh haha, I thought you were curious both who the nicer ones care for and the shitty ones gun for. Gotcha, haha, no worries! I just thought you wondered who dreads what trials most too lol. Uhhh, for a more complete answer in ILM verse, re: nice killers (gonna be a weird mix of in-realm, followed by—for some—partial post fic answers too. Hope it’s coherant. I need to sleep too 🤣). Sally likes Quentin, and also anyone who seems kind/altruistic, as well as young. She feels bad for them. Ace would probably compliment or flirt after escape from realm, and she would appreciate that a lot & be flattered too. Anna loves Min & Quentin like no one’s business, but had met & liked Meg, Nea, Claudette, Laurie, and Dwight once as well. Especially likes the young cute ones. Post-fic, she & Michael are friendly (ish? It’s heckin weird) becuase shared family. She also comes to like everyone a lot. Lisa isn’t very aware, but she feels especially for the girls who are around her own age/the young girls. Likes Claudette a lot because she’s sweet and works so hard. Feels bad for everyone and is miserable. Rin likes Ace, Nea, and Adam for being nice that one time, and especially Adam, who she will never ever forget being kind to her the first time they met. She feels awful always, but especially about killing him. Also about the girls her age. (To be fair, she & Lisa feel awful about anyone their age, and all the survivors, but as is p natural, especially whoever they see themselves most in). Post-fic/late fic, she likes them all a lot, and Meg & Nea & Nancy go way up for hanging so much, and Min goes super high because they can actually speak the same language. Appreciates Tapp stood up for her, and Jane helped her work through stuff. Loves Adam. Adiris likes Dwight most, then Quentin & Claudette & Adam (clearly medics/less bad than what she thinks the rest of them are, and altruistic), then Tapp & David & Kate, because they constantly bodyguard the rest and are brave. Max isn’t very aware rn in-realm, but if he started paying attention, he’d like whoever was kind to him if it happened (so probably like, Jeff or the medics would be most likely for that). All of Legion likes and feels bad for Jeff, and also likes Meg, Quentin, and Claudette to some extent. Susie likes them all, but loves Meg, and likes & knows David, Jeff, Kate, Quentin, Claudette, and Jake best out of the rest. Julie feels some bad for Meg, Quentin, Claudette, and Jeff especially. Tends to like the ones who cry over fights back more bc it’s harder not to feel guilt at them. Frank pretends to hate everyone, but likes Jeff against his will and also kind of respects Quentin and Meg and probably Jake. Doesn’t enjoy killing Claudette because she reminded him of his foster sister once & it fucked with him. Joey loves Jeff, likes Quentin, Meg, Kate (so hot), Claudette (also hot), and Jane Romero most. Post-fic, Susie loves everybody but is closest with a Meg, David, Kate, Jane, Tapp, Nea, Min, & Claudette (& Jeff). Joey is tighter with Quentin, Min, Nea, Meg, Kate, & ofc Jeff. Julie & Meg weirdly get along okay, and Frank ends up super surreally chill with Kate after their road trip. It’s hard to explain. Uhhhhh. Okay, including post-fic is hard bc stuff changes, so I’m not going beyond a few years out. Uhhhh what now. Right! Caleb likes Zarina most. Michael only likes Laurie, but has weird feelings toward Quentin & Claudette for talking to him after they do. Post-fic, close to Nancy, Quentin, Laurie, David, and Claudette especially (Meg is trying too, but he fears her. She is the only thing he fears now). Philip loves them all, but of course is closest to Claudette. Very close to all the others, but knows Dwight, Quentin, Jake, Meg, Kate, and Nancy especially well.

Haha, hope this is what you meant & fun to read—sorry if I forgot anything. I gotta pass out now though it’s v late. Night! 💙

#ask #anonymous #Sleepy #in living memory (fic)#in living memory #ilm spoilers #dead by daylight

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awellboiledicicle · 3 years

Text

just realized im gonna have to write michael meeting april again but in Work Enviroment and somehow that makes it worse than “our mutual boss is a total dick and sent me here to be responsible for trapping u in Eye hell”

somehow.

because it’ll probably end with michael sitting in the mens bathroom screaming quietly to himself as his brain kicks through “oh yeah you don’t instantly die when the door/spiral takes you. In fact, it appears to be a slow enough death that escape can happen, but doesn’t often.” and then again when April gets around to giving their statement on it to Gertrude and he can sneak a read of it bc he suffers from Must Know Things, Maybe It Will Help disease as well. Bc he doesn’t have the emotional fuckery to jump to “Obviously it wouldn’t have to work that hard to kill a very small child.” that April would, because april’s been dealing with things killing children since they were one and Michael at least willingly ran into the Institute to figure shit out. So like. he sneaks this statement and finds out how psychologically fucked someone inside would be and how physically fucked--because the hallways very much only didn’t crush April to death because it was moving them around until it could worm in through their spans of clarity/follow the ringing clarity it forced on them. It was wearing down the infamous human stamina that exists, even in someone as fucked up as April. And like, he wouldn’t--after spending a lot of time being convinced he could have done more--he wouldn’t be so sure even listening to them actually helped any, because they made it out alive. But he’d also be sitting there applying any and all conclusions to Ryan and then imagining his friend having suffered that till he died--or worse, been kept in suffering limbo until the hallways got bored. And to top it all off, April would be super hard pressed to like. Not just be hyped to meet him, because he was the first person aside Gertrude to believe them, as far as they’re aware. And Gertrude wasn’t terribly friendly or actually concerned, but Michael was. So they’re sitting there like “!!! Shelley!! I thought something ate you!! Sweet, you’re alive!! Oh man we work together now! Cool!” while being concerned that Elias was using him to keep them in place more than usual, because at the very least Elias brought him up to tempt them into the contract in additon to like everything else. But They also know they’re very attached to less the actual dude and more the idea of a guy who knows his shit saying they weren’t crazy for what happened to them. So they’re trying v hard to :D while he’s trying to have even a remotely coherent response to anything and this is just what’s going on now.

Not to mention all this while Emma is certainly snooping into whatever Gertrude’s got on April because Gertrude at this point still trusts her enough to let her look at things. She’s still playing her games. Eric’s going to be watching this all happen and be very pissed off but not surprised Elias pulled some shit, and resent how curious he is about how April isn’t dead or in a corner screaming right then. Sarah meanwhile is also curious but she’s also just happy she didn’t actually hear them die in real time.

Elias is watching it all way too close. Gertrude likewise latches onto their resilliance and uses it bc she’s her.

Basically i’m very hype to write but i need my whole everything to work long enough to do so when it isn’t 2am bc my head hurts.

#eldritch bingo au #long post

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totallycorrectteentitanshcs · 5 years

Note

idk if this makes sense but headcannons of all the titans after they’ve gotten their wisdom teeth out??? cuz i think that would be v funny

like when they’re all drugged up? because dot dot dot YES that sounds hilarious

robin would postpone getting his wisdom teeth out for the longest time until the others essentially strongarmed him into it

but all of those sassy snarky comments he normally (sometimes) keeps to himself? well, he mumbles so much tea and sass the others almost die laughing

he hates being drugged up so he’d constantly be like “IM FINE!! IM FINE” and try to walk around and do Normal Robin Things and the others are on Robin Patrol because he’s gonna hurt himself ohhh my god

it was difficult to find something that would actually work on starfire but with some help from her home planet they managed (do they even have wisdom teeth?? what is alien anatomy)

she would be an absolute delight because there’s so many wonderful things in the world and she would be commenting on them all!! how lovely the toothbrush/log/leather/color blue is!! it would be interspersed with things like “ROBIN IS MY [tameranian word for lover]” and nobody would KNOW. she says many sappy things about robin and raven as if they’re not there

the moment beast boy is somewhat coherent he literally bursts into tears and everyone is instantly on alert, asking him what’s wrong what happened

and he says “i dont WANT Th e hotdogs to take over jump!!! I DONT WAN THEM” while still crying and they do one of those freezeframe “huh????” moments

cyborg starts laughing but bb cries harder and they all collectively do an “oh shit”

they calm him down and eventually he’s aware enough but not, really, because then he looks robin in the eye and says “where’s mento” bcos he lowkey forgot the doom patrol weren’t,,,,, a large part of his life anymore

then he says something horrifically sappy about robin and cyborg and then babbles about tofu for about three hours

cyborg would start ranting and raving about how cool his body is -- the technological part, and how many things he can do, and he’s so delighted and excited to show everyone “for the first time” all of his quirks and fun extras

he talks about old projects new projects just so many things

robin says “hey i can help you with this thing” and cyborg is so surprised like “you want to ??? help me???” and robin’s like “yeah??? of course??? you’re fun to work with??” and cyborg goes a little quiet before saying “well yeah i’m a goddamn delight”

he accidentally spills robin’s birthday present and when he’s all coherent he sulks about that for a bit

raven did Not want to get her wisdom teeth taken out any more than robin but she has a little more tact and also did not want to get forced into doing it

afterwards she used magic freely, unheeded by fears etc and while she had relative control, she sometimes forgot her strength, or when she was influencing something

example: she picked up a lamp because “ooooh shiny” and then got distracted by beast boy and just. dropped it. cyborg barely saved it

so she’s content, relaxed (relatively), but also a walking disaster. Raven Patrol only because she picks things up but drops them. or if she turns too quickly or too many people are talking the object might just crumple into a useless little ball

#thsi is so funny to me but ive never had my wisdom teeth taken out so #all guesses #anonymous #teen titans headcanons #the squad #Anonymous

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17mounteens · 6 years

Text

Weak spot (Joshua)

Request:

hello i love your blog so much you honestly have the best content!! im so embarrassed to be sending this req in JGJKDTJHG but i'd like to req smut with josh or minghao where you come over wearing a sweater of his he left at your place and that sort of gets him like [sweats nervously] 👀 i hope this makes sense?? lots of intentional or unintentional teasing maybe and if you can make him not too dominant that would be A+!!!! AAAHH thank you!

» Decided to go with Joshua since Minghao has more requests than him ;n; 💕 and no need to have been embarrassed at all!

» Smut.

» You go over to Joshua’s place wearing one of his sweaters that he’s left at your place, and the sight makes him feel several things. Mostly intentional teasing ensues and things get heated.

» If you’re using the tumblr app and can’t see the scenario, which is under a “keep reading”, please try opening the post in your phone’s internet browser (or a computer)! 💕

» 3,185 words

It was one of those days when you just wanted to be comfortable, preferably clad in clothes that gave you plenty of freedom to move while giving you the right amount of warmth, too.

After rummaging through your closet to no avail, you huffed and turned around to look at your room in search of the one shirt that would be what you needed. You didn’t know which shirt it would be, exactly, but as soon as your eyes found the sweater hanging on the back of your chair, you knew.

That was the one, and that particular sweater that hung fairly loose on you was one that your boyfriend had left at your place a few days earlier. It was white, oversized and had a rather deep V-neck, and you loved the way it looked on you. To top it off it was also incredibly comfortable and smelled like your boyfriend, and once you got it paired with a pair of leggings, you were good to go.

You were comfortable and with that, you were ready to take on the day.

The day was one of the longer ones, with multiple lectures to attend and projects to work on, and by the end of it you were not only tired but mildly frustrated, and only in a sexual way.

As it turned out, wearing a sweater that reminded you of Joshua was backfiring on you, because it had made you think about him for the better part of the day, and at some point missing him had started turning into missing his touch in particular.

Perhaps some of it had to do with the memories that the scent joined with the sweater brought to your mind, because he had left it at your place after spending a passionate night with you. Perhaps.

It hadn’t even been that long since you last saw him - only a few days, really - but at the end of your last lecture all you could think about was just how much you needed his hands all over you with his lips pressed to your neck. Or anywhere else, really.

Somewhere during that lesson you had quickly texted him and asked if you could go over to his place when you were done, and his response was positive, which was more or less what you had expected, too.

“So, do you have plans after this is over?” your friend asked you in a whisper, and you licked your lips slowly while finishing up the sentence you were writing into your notes.

’A dick appointment’, you thought to yourself half-jokingly, but resorted to nodding. “Yeah, I’m going to see Joshua.”

“Oh, for a study date?” your friend asked teasingly, and you froze for a second before fixing the typo you had made after the question.

“Ah, not really,” you began in a hum and closed your notebook before straightening your back. “Just… hanging out, I guess.”

They nodded in understanding with a smile on their lips. “As long as you’re together, right?”

“Exactly,” you grinned and patted their shoulder before getting up, a mere second after the lecturer had announced the end of the session. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See you,” they hummed and waved at you as you hurried to leave the room in order to catch the earliest possible bus to Joshua’s place.

Twenty or so minutes later Joshua put down his laptop after hearing knocks on his door, and soon you were welcomed with a bright smile on the face you loved the most.

“Hey,” you smiled widely and immediately leapt to hug Joshua, who hugged you back with his smile only widening.

“Long day?” he asked in amusement and pressed a kiss to your temple, and you nodded as you relaxed in his arms.

“Much too long,” you sighed and pulled back. “But it just got a lot better.”

Joshua chuckled softly. “Good to hear.”

You nodded and closed the door, and while Joshua looked at his kitchen, wondering if he had anything to offer you, you took your jacket and shoes off.

“Are you hungry? I think I have some--” Joshua’s words were cut off when he saw you wearing a pair of black leggings paired with a very familiar sweater. He took in how it fell down on your body, and once you turned to face him, his eyes were drawn to just how stunning the V-neck was on you, showing some cleavage as well as collar bones.

His Adam’s apple bobbed, his eyes widened momentarily and, as much as he did ignore it, some blood started rushing between his legs.

“Yes?” you asked with a small grin, very aware of the effect your outfit had on your boyfriend, and stepped closer while subtly dragging the sweater even lower on the front by tugging at the hem.

Joshua could hardly form a coherent sentence as his gaze focused on the tops of your breasts that were now practically all for him to see. “I-- I think I have some leftovers from yesterday.”

It both excited you and boosted your self-confidence to see him almost stammering at the mere sight of you in his sweater, and in particular because you wanted your visit to escalate to sex, it also made you more determined.

“I could use some food,” you smiled and followed him to the kitchen, holding back a chuckle at the rosy color that had appeared on his ears.

He got the food out and let you take some and warm it up, and while you did that, he continued appreciating how the sweater looked on you, even if it meant his heart beating faster and arousal growing inside of him.

It hardly helped that he found you incredibly attractive no matter what you were wearing - it was simply that you wearing something that was his was so sexy to him that he didn’t know what to do with himself. He could easily tell what he wanted to do, but otherwise he was just as lost as a puppy.

You ate while talking casually, which contrasted with how you both essentially just wanted to have sex, and proceeded to move to the couch, where you cuddled and talked about your days.

Eventually the talking turned into holding hands, however, and from there on it turned into moving your hands on each other’s bodies a little while kissing languidly as you both simply enjoyed being with each other - the person you were the happiest around.

With how horny you had been, it wasn’t too surprising for you that you were already wet, but there was something about how obviously affected Joshua was by your outfit choice that made you want to tease him some more.

“I’ll go get more comfortable,” you said as you pulled away from the kiss and got up from the couch, leaving Joshua with his lips slightly parted in confusion.

“Sure,” he said and lay down before letting out a huff. He was so worked up already, and if he didn’t know any better, he would’ve thought you were messing with him on purpose. And besides, couldn’t you just get comfortable there?

“Alright,” you stated and returned from his room, this time wearing nothing but his sweater. It covered the upper parts of your thighs, but everything else was out there.

Once Joshua noticed that you had also taken your bra off, he could only swallow hard as his cock continued hardening in his sweatpants. Were you messing with him after all?

“I’ll get something to drink,” you hummed casually and went to the kitchen corner, tip-toeing a little at the cupboard with all the glasses. You reached for a glass at one of the higher shelves, and with that the sweater rode up on your body enough to show your ass, which in turn showed Joshua that you were wearing a thong.

Breathing heavily, Joshua walked up to you. You were messing with him.

Your lips spread to a small smirk when you felt him pressing against your body from behind before he handed you a glass from the top shelf.

“Are you even thirsty?” he asked, his voice lower than it had been earlier, and when you moved a little, you could feel his erection pressing against your lower back.

Biting down on your lower lip and feeling excitement building in the pit of your stomach, you nodded. “I am.”

You got some water into the glass and downed it in one go. Joshua watched you intently, and once you had put the glass down, you turned around and got your arms around his neck.

“But not only for water,” you said meaningfully, looking directly into his eyes, and felt shivers run down your spine when he placed his hands on your hips and pulled you closer.

“I knew something was up,” he mumbled and leaned down to give you a teasing kiss that left you waiting for more. “I want you.”

You licked your lips and moved your gaze down to his. “I want you, too.”

With that, you locked your lips in another heated kiss, during which he brought you back to the couch. You lay down with him and allowed your hands to roam around his body, over and under the long-sleeved shirt he was wearing, and felt his hands under your sweater, too.

Soon his shirt was lying on the floor with his sweatpants and your thong and you were sharing passionate kisses time after time as his hand squeezed your thigh before moving higher.

Your breath hitched in your throat when you felt his fingers near your pussy, and once they pressed lightly to your clit, you moaned and bucked against his touch. “Joshua…”

“You should’ve told me you were this needy,” he said quietly, incredibly turned on by how wet you were, and began massaging your clit gently. You whimpered and, as though looking for some support or distraction, slid your hand down his body until you could get it into his boxers and wrap it around his half-hard cock.

“Well, you know now,” you said with an amused hint to your tone and licked your lips when you began stroking him slowly. His fingers felt heavenly on your sensitive bundle of nerves, but they felt even better when they slid lower on your pussy and one of them entered you. You let out a content sigh. “Yes.”

Joshua hissed and began fingering you slowly, first with one and soon with two fingers. He was hardening in your hand, and soon you were holding a fully hard cock that was starting to leak a bit of pre-cum, which made stroking him a bit easier, too. His fingers felt heavenly inside of you, and not only because he’d occasionally rub your clit with his thumb, too, and the pleasure had you pulling him into a deep kiss with your free hand.

“I need you so bad,” you whimpered against Joshua’s lips, your hips bucking into his hand while you did your best to stroke him as steadily as you could. He breathed heavily and grunted quietly at your words, and you could feel him fucking your fist, too. “Please, Joshua…”

He pulled back and looked at you hungrily, his fingers slowly sliding out of you, slick with your anticipation. You whined at the loss of them and looked at him pleadingly while he eyed you up and down. Joshua licked his lips slowly and ran his clean hand over one of your inner thighs. “How badly do you need me?”

“So badly,” you said and bit down on your lower lip a little before spreading your legs invitingly. “Don’t you want to show me how you feel after seeing me in your sweater?”

“I do,” Joshua said without another second of thinking and moved his hand higher on your body until he was able to cup your breast through the sweater. “It looks so hot on you…”

While nodding approvingly, you leaned into his touch and smiled. “Thank you.”

He chuckled softly and sucked his fingers clean before standing up. “I’ll grab a condom.”

“Don’t take too long,” you hummed and were amused to see him back within five seconds after Joshua had quite literally ran into his bedroom to get one. A grin spread to your lips when he was back at the couch, kneeling down between your legs. You got your hands to his hair when he had leaned down a little. “You didn’t disappoint.”

“I would never,” he grinned and gave you a playful kiss while gently ripping the wrapping of the condom open and putting it on his cock. “And I don’t intend to disappoint you with what’s to come, either.”

“You never do,” you said almost dreamily as you allowed yourself get lost in his deep brown eyes. Once you felt him moving the tip of his cock up and down your wet pussy, you whimpered and held his hair tighter. “Fuck…”

“I’m sorry, am I teasing you?” Joshua asked teasingly, knowing just how wet and needy you were, and continued moving his cock against you with a bit more pressure. Your toes were curling at every contact that his length had with your swollen clit, and all you could do was nod.

“You’re not even sorry,” you said quietly and moved your hips against him in an attempt to get more. “I’ve waited all day for this, and you just--”

“Who was it that came over to tease me, huh?” he inquired with an obvious smirk on his lips and stopped moving. Aligning his cock with your entrance, he licked his lips and leaned down to kiss you by your ear. “But you know I’m weak for you when you look like that.”

Your lips spread into a grin that soon turned into the perfect “o” as you moaned when Joshua pushed into you. He got your legs over his arms and, when you had whispered a plea against his lips, leaned down to kiss you and began fucking you.

A blissful moan left your lips at the feeling of him moving inside of you, finally filling you just how you had been dreaming all day, and you felt like you couldn’t get enough.

Joshua eventually pulled away from the kiss and straightened his back enough to be able to see you properly. His sweater looked even better on you now that he was encased in your wet pussy, and he loved the way it was riding up your stomach while showing a nice view of your breasts. Licking his lips, he got one arm away from under your leg and used his hand to move the neckline of the sweater so that your breasts were completely uncovered.

You grinned at the gesture and bit down on your lip excitedly when he took one of your breasts into his hand to cup it and tease its nipple, all the while his hips moved smoothly back and forth.

“You should wear my shirts more often,” Joshua noted with a small smile - or more of a smirk, really - and leaned down again, bucking his hips forward a bit harder than before, which had you moaning in satisfaction. “I love how it looks on you.”

“You wouldn’t be able to handle it,” you said smugly and gasped when Joshua thrust into you with a blissful roll of his hips.

“Maybe,” he admitted and kissed your neck, his voice low when he continued. “But we’d deal with that then, like we’re doing now.”

“Sounds tempting,” you hummed and began consciously clenching around his cock. When he grunted, you smirked to yourself and resorted to simply meeting his thrusts with your hips, desperately in need of more, more and more until you’d come undone. You moved your hands to Joshua’s neck, and when he pulled up again, you looked deep into his eyes. “Make me come.”

A smile visited his lips briefly before he leaned down to kiss you while starting to get your legs up against him, and a few moments later he was fucking you, standing on his knees with your legs over his shoulders. Your moans rose in pitch at the sensation, as it made him feel that much bigger inside of you, and simultaneously it made you feel tighter around his cock, which made him groan quietly.

“Joshua,” you breathed, your orgasm approaching you more and more with each deep thrust that he delivered, all of which seemed to make you see stars. You closed your eyes as you focused on how his cock felt inside of you and how good it felt to tease your nipples with your own hands.

Joshua could only nod at you as he moved his eyes up and down you, taking in the sheer pleasure evident on your face, the way your breasts moved every time he thrust into you as well as how your hips were moving against his, almost on their own accord. Grunting, he closed his eyes, too, and allowed himself to get lost in the pleasure, his hips moving harder and faster as he chased his orgasm.

You had your ways of telling that he was getting close, and with that you slid your hand down your body and started massaging your clit, swollen and so sensitive to your touch. Whimpering, you continued doing that, all the while focusing on all the pleasure you were feeling. He was hitting all the right spots inside of you with each and every thrust, and the sound of his skin meeting yours turned you on all the more. As he started moving a bit harder again, you were soon thrown over the edge as it all entwined with the pleasure you were getting from massaging your clit. Your back arched a little when you cried out and released around him.

He hissed at the sensation of your pussy clenching rhythmically around him and came into the condom a few moments later, his plump lips parted in a quiet moan that made you clench around him again.

You broke into a wide smile when he let your legs down and leaned down to kiss your collarbone, slowly sliding out of you and quickly taking the condom off and carelessly tossing it aside. Wrapping your arms around his upper body, you pressed a kiss to his temple. “Exhausted?”

“No,” Joshua mumbled with a smile audible in his voice, and you could feel him rubbing small circles into your hip bones. “Are you?”

“A little,” you grinned and looked into Joshua’s eyes when he had lifted his face enough.

Before you were able to speak more, he had already caught up to what you had in mind. He spoke with a smile on his lips and his eyes twinkling a little. “You can stay over if you want to.”

“And you won’t be late from anywhere when I wear this sweater again tomorrow?” you asked playfully and got a chuckle back from Joshua.

“I can’t promise that,” he said quietly and closed the distance between your lips.

Admin Scooter

#joshua smut #jisoo smut #joshua scenarios #jisoo scenarios #joshua imagines #jisoo imagines #seventeen smut #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines

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minhyukie · 6 years

Note

your oral presentation abt joohyuk was soso cute!! can you give us your onion about the other _____hyuk ships as well !! :O

Ahhhh I Love your Voice

this would be too much to fit into a voice note anyway fjdskf and i think doing Every single mx pairing would be a bit too much for my tiny brain but!! i’m gonna talk about each minhyuk pairing under the cut, im not sure if they’ll be as enjoyable as the joohyuk one (i feel like im probably best at talking about them since they’re my favorite) but i hope this is what u guys were looking for :D

showhyuk – i feel like their dynamic is v beneficial especially to shownu, bc minhyuk literally thinks sooo so greatly of shownu like u can tell how much he admires him!! he’s always praising shownus looks and strengths in variety and his actions reflect it as well – during the vlive they did abt law of the jungle, minhyuk literally only seemed to care about shownu monitoring him and shownu’s opinions on how he did because he respects shownu in variety so much, and although minhyuk was originally the member who mx seemed to want to point towards variety shownu ended up being that person instead and i think in shownu’s mind it still means a lot to be thought of that highly by minhyuk, who he views as being so good at speaking and variety.. they both just admire each other a lot in that respect and i think its v good for each of them. also – im partially taking this from what i saw a friend say once, but i think minhyuk helps relieve shownu sometimes from the responsibilities of being a leader… shownu is a great leader i’ve said and explained it so many times but also as they said in the one mxray episode it puts a lot on his shoulders and although he is able to handle it well, i think minhyuk really helps to relieve it because he also acts as their leader in so many ways!! and showhyuk really has a soft spot in my heart bc out of all the members, i feel like shownu really loves minhyuk the way he is the most.. when he said during no exit broadcast that he actually loves it when minhyuk talks a lot.. that’s a statement that i think is beyond what many of the other members feel.. i think the way shownu and minhyuk are actually quite opposite really draws shownu into minhyuk and it’s honestly surprising to me how much shownu just.. loves him? he loves being physically close with minhyuk.. and im no Expert on shownu pairings but i rly dont observe shownu behaving that way with the other members as compared to how he … i wish i could make a gifset compilation of it i think about it all the time but shownu is always reaching out to hold minhyuk’s hand… there are so many subtle moments and honestly it’s almost always shownu initiating it.. and obviously the sweet bed scene from right now with minhyuk cuddling up to him, and also at the end of the liev minhyuk did a similar thing.. and how he lets minhyuk quite literally crawl onto him both during the liev, and the moment at isac.. it’s not even shownu just “tolerating” it or anything but whenever he has these physical interactions with minhyuk i can really see how much he loves it?? it’s something v unique to the two of them and i dont think any of the other members react the same way to minhyuk and like i said it’s just. i really feel like shownu loves minhyuk So Much the way he is… i lvoe them…

wonhyuk – THEYRE SOOO CUTE AN D FUNNIE FJDKSLFDS 2017 was a blessing in the wonhyuk vlives it gave us and it rly opened my perspective to their relationship which i honestly think is so complex beyond what im going to say i feel like… it’s hard for me to discuss abt them bc i think a lot of what im abt to say is a lot more my opinion and speculation than me actually having any idea what’s going on!! their relationship really just goes from one extreme to the other bc one one hand they are soo wild like.. they really have no physical boundaries.. when i was coming up with moments to put in my possessive minhyuk gifset i just kept on coming up with more wonhyuk moments i really considered just making it a wonhyuk gifset at one point bc i couldn’t come up with anything else?? a lot of it is minhyuk to wonho but sometimes even the other way around.. but their relationship is also v intimate emotionally? and this is where i sort of trip up and im not sure about a lot of things.. the obvious place to point is the radio show where wonho talked about each of the members and shared about how important minhyuk was to him and how much he had been leaning on and relying on him as a source of comfort… but beyond that it gets a bit fuzzy? it’s very fascinating to watch the two of them and how they support each other, whether its minhyuk encouraging wonho to speak up or during a meet and greet where minhyuk was starting to fret about his role as MC in the background and you could see wonho comforting him and telling him he was doing well.. i think that maybe they’ve shared with each other a lot on these sorts of topics and insecurities, and i think they both share a bit in that aspect (at least at that point in time) about being afraid to say the wrong thing and the way they both search for peoples’ approval.. but then 2017 hit!! and now they’re really just TWO CHILDREN FJDKLSFDS THEYRE SO CUUUTE the way they bicker with each other and i think its almost like they can both be as completely immature as possible with each other while knowing it’s reciprocated? the fact that wonho can say “i wish minhyuk would disappear” without any fear of misunderstanding or annoyance.. the way minhyuk cutely kept saying he wanted wonho to see him as a friend.. their dynamic is really so fascinating to me even moreso recently… also sidenote but it’s cute how wonho doesn’t like eating alone and i know minhyuk didn’t join him for that one vlive (i genuinely believe he was busy) but if u think back to the vlives they did together this year it was always minhyuk joining wonho to eat… :-( i feel like minhyuk rly understands when wonho is a bit needy and is happy to be there for him… like i said it’s hard for me to coherently put thoughts together about the two of them, i feel like i don’t have as strong of a grasp on their dynamic, but i would love to see more :D

kihyuk – Best!! Fucking!! Friends!! like i know im saying this abt every pairing but i truly feel that these two understand each other on some next level, they could literally share a glance and know what the other one is thinking.. minhyuk could tell kihyun to go fuck himself and kihyun would just laugh his ass off with the brightest happiest eyes like… fdjklsfds the video i just recently reblogged where minhyuk was like “kihyun was so good at acting but i hate so much when he gets into the role i hate him” and kihyuns reaction?? FOR WHY. .. WAS HE SO HAPPY FKDSJLFDS… the most important kihyuk thing to me is really just how well they fundamentally understand each other… with regards to minhyuk understanding kihyun, its actually just funny to me because minhyuk just gets so offended when anyone else tries to say Anything about kihyun because He Wants To Be The One To Talk About His Best Friend.. mxray ep6… everytime that psychoanalyst opened his mouth about kihyun minhyuk immediately butted in he wanted everyone to know that He knew the most he knew it all already.. he felt so relieved whenever the psychoanalyst guy said things he already knew.. minhyuk loves putting his thoughts on kihyun out there jfdkslfds but the more soft and meaningful example would be their second year anniversary video – the way minhyuk explained kihyuns role on the team is genuinely the most heartfelt and well worded explanation i’ve heard… even though it’s rly hard for minhyuk to show it he Knows how much kihyun does and respects and cares for him so much, looks after him silently.. and it’s very much so returned, bc kihyun is the only member who i’ve seen accurately pin down (several times) that minhyuk’s weak point or the thing that he wishes minhyuk would fix is that he overthinks his own performance, he overthinks variety and worries too much in many aspects.. while this is something minhyuk himself is also aware of i’ve never seen the other members bother to mention it but kihyun has talked abt it on several occasions and how he wishes minhyuk could be happier by not worrying so much and i think that shows so much about how well they understand each other and their emotions. it’s fascinating to me how much they’ve changed, they used to be so soft and cute with each other, but it’s grown to the point where they struggle being outwardly nice to each other with cameras around and minhyuk especially is so embarrassed to be honest and nice around kihyun but it works amazingly well between the two of them because kihyun is able to take whatever minhyuk throws at him and either throw it right back or just absorb it and be able to laugh because he Knows minhyuk’s true intentions? i’ve never seen either of them genuinely hurt the other with their sharp words despite all they do is bicker… i lvoe them … :( and kihyun also really just. loves minhyuk? as he is? they literally hang out All THe Time and i’ve said it before as has aleena how.. kihyun keeps on ditching the other members invites to hang out? but minhyuk keeps “complaining” about how kihyun always wants to do things and wherever he goes kihyun is stuck next to him?? they just naturally gravitate towards each other and i cant believe they’re gonna be friends into their next lifetime and that they’re gonna grow up with even their kids being best friends. god im sure i have more to say about them but their friendship is really on another level :-(

hyunghyuk – to be quite honest, a pairing im hesitant to talk about these days, moreso bc it make me uncomfortable the way people talk about them oftentimes? i know that im not one to talk abt them much on my blog but honestly ask any of my friends and they’ll tell u i have the biggest hyunghyuk tunnel vision anymore, like.. im hyperfocused on their interactions.. as an overarching picture, i think their friendship is truly something amazing – they’ve been friends since they were 19, possibly the longest friendship within monsta x, and despite being so very different from each other in so many ways they are able to be so close with such an intimate understanding between the two of them to the point where on one of hyungwons bday messages to minhyuk he said something along the lines of there was nothing more for them to know about each other but that he hopes they continue getting closer and learning more and being good friends.. Strong family vibes :-( while their relationship certainly seems different now than it was a year or two ago, i think that their close bond definitely remains, and i think it’s obvious that they still have massive respect and emotional ties between the two of them… i miss their many close interactions but especially over the past months i feel like they’re returning very much so to the way they used to behave :D

joohyuk – my brain is starting to fry and i think the Joohyuk TED Talk explained most of my feelings pretty well so.. for anyone who didn’t listen here’s the link to that!

changhyuk – my namesake!! :D I LOVE THESE BOYS.. tbh i think i wrote quite a bit about them fairly recently so im not sure if there’s gonna be many new thoughts here but… over the past few months my feelings regarding them have been in a WHIRLWIND i love them so much!! i feel like they’re very similar in so many ways and as such when they’re together they can truly do the craziest things but also have a brotherly bond together? i think i feel similarly to them the way i do about wonhyuk, so, similar to wonhyuk this explanation may not be very coherent or cohesive because it’s hard for me to place everything together. i used to rly think that changhyuk were just like.. fuckin wild.. fuckin out there… because they really do some of the most absurd things fdslfds they really practiced twerking and spanking each other during oi and did it on live stage.. with embarrassed but proud smiles.. they grinded against each other Many times during the most recent ISAC literally acting like they were at a club like.. why in the fuck FJDKLSFDS?? but the more i think about them the less that’s my focus on their relationship, like that’s certainly part of it (a funny and yes enjoyable part) but its so much more than that they are Literally so much like brothers to me and everytime i think of it it honestly brings me to tears because minhyuk really has this fondness and brotherly affection for changkyun that he doesn’t for the other members, and it’s not only apparent through his actions but his words.. but it’s not so much in a way that he views him as a child or anything, but that he just completely respects and trusts changkyun with so much? and he wishes for the same in return from him.. i feel like a lot of people overlook the small details between them, such as minhyuk saying that he goes to changkyun when he’s worried about something or needs to get something off of his chest? that he finds changkyun to be a good listener? and that he loves to lay with changkyun whether it be on their couch or on his bed and listen to changkyun’s stories, everything just throws off such warm and loving vibes and imo it’s Extremely different from minhyuk’s feelings or behaviors towards the other members. the thing that most strongly impacted me and i really cant stop thinking about was from their picnic fanmeeting, there was a vcr where they talked about the members when they weren’t listening and minhyuk very beautifully talked about how it was very obvious to him what changkyun’s emotions were at any moment in time, but changkyun is the type to bottle it up and not want to bother any of the members but how minhyuk wishes he would open it up to them because it’s okay? and he even related it back to his own brother, and how the two of them are the same age, and the entire conversation really just made me realize how much minhyuk views changkyun like his own brother and i :-(( it literally makes me cry.. minhyuk isn’t so much the type to dote on other people, but he does it so much with jooheon but also changkyun and with changkyun it is so much more subtle and often overlooked and it’s a shame! and, one final thing, is that changkyun is SO supportive of minhyuk i feel like he understands a lot of minhyuk’s insecurities (possibly as said above bc i feel like minhyuk opens up to changkyun about these topics a lot?) and openly acts to try to make minhyuk feel more comfortable .. in particular, i’ve been noticing recently how supportive changkyun is about minhyuk’s english which i think could be a point of insecurity for him and seeing changkyun encouraging him to speak in english and helping him and telling him he’s doing well .. small things like that are really good for minhyuk to receive because i feel like since minhyuk tends to come off as a very loud and proud and confident person, it often goes over the members’ heads how much he lives for praise and reassurance as well

#Anonymous #wow wish i worked this hard on my classwork #i didn't proof read this so . i m sorry #askref

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rabbityshen · 7 years

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codegayass replied to your post “[[MOR] actually prob what grinds my gears abt “suzaku is a liberal”...”

YES this is basically why i was the lelouch hate squad a few years ago because i think people take him fully at face value as like antihero but good and dont examine his motives and background enough when talking about his politics vs suzakus and are quick to dismiss suzaku as a liberal dumbass or whatever

yeah lol. i mean i love lelouch and i think he’s a rly cool, interesting, and fun character and protag. and i mean, some ppl will mock him but it’s usually more abt his personality quirks and i’ve never rly seen an honest to god lelouch hater. but i feel ppl trash on suzaku a lot for his politics, which is fair, but cg doesn’t like, hide lelouch sometimes being a selfish fuckup lol

(also yeah me too i hate it when ppl approach suzaku like “yeah he’s too stupid” like not to be like “he’s actually Smart” like he’s self-aware but going thro a lot and copes w/ it all v badly)

my wife once told me something abt cg that illuminated my (our) frustrations abt this and it’s basically that cg never takes suzaku’s liberalism vs. lelouch’s radicalism seriously as an equal debate. suzaku’s always been wrong and lelouch has always been right* but it’s their individual personalities, backgrounds, and humanity that makes everything complicated and fraught and compelling. so ppl approaching them as a political debate isn’t...well im not gonna say it’s Wrong but u just lose a lot of complexity lol

*(not that. cg handles or resolves the ideological conflict in a coherent, actually radical fashion but like, it clearly doesn’t like literal imperialism)

#codegayass #cg tag #this got 2 long i love....this messy show

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odrseasonone · 5 years

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Pilot Outline??

So imma do it - I’m gonna try something I rarely do...a story outline!! Something I hate doing!! That’s how PUMPED I am aklsdjflkdjsf ;DDD Also, I feel like I need it to get my thoughts in order bc basically the inside of my skull is just incoherent screaming on a constant loop ;DDDD WARNING: this is gonna be a long post!!! ;D

main purpose of pilot: to introduce main characters (main protagonist: roran; main antagonist(s): cassius, rowena, dmitrei, dezód), world, & general plot

must establish what is normal vs what therefore is not

also the foundational relationships, which are roran & arya (at end), roran & charles, roran & cassius, charles & cassius, cassius & rowena, the resistance

things to consider: the 5 w’s

who

what

where

when

why

main action of the pilot episode (which must, itself, act as the inciting incident for the action of the entire series):

additionally each primary character, as well as the episode plot, should have some sort arc a la:

beginning/inciting incident/set-up:

start:

inciting incident:

middle/rising action/confrontation:

obstacle to overcome:

midpoint:

tension rises:

end/climax, resolution/resolution:

climax:

dénoument:

so roran is our main character, but since his story doesn’t really start until the end of this episode (finding the egg), he is not the protagonist of this particular episode. in fact, as i’m thinking about it, he might not even be fully introduced until a later episode - finding the egg could essentially serve as his introduction?????? bc im finding it a bit jarring to try and introduce both his thread and the ~political thread at the same time in terms of keeping things happening and not just focusing on exposition??????

i’m struggling to narrow down what to focus on in the pilot and what i’m starting to wrestle out of all of this is that...maybe alexandir or alaric or even cassius or rowena is the protagonist of the pilot episode??????

So here are some potential outlines as a result of this line of thought!! I also 100% feel we could overlap all of these and, if we go that route, that should make a nicely full episode!! I’ve isolated 6 (w a possible 7th in Roran??) potential focal characters for the pilot that I think, woven together, could form a pr coherent story for the pilot. Whatcha think?

focal character: ALEXANDIR GODIVA

INCITING INCIDENT: The war is won

start: establish alex’s experience in the war!! show the flow of his life and how he feels to see it come to an end

inciting incident: alex’s fifteen years of life must now change as he leaves behind combat and returns home

to a family who wants him dead - a fact of which he is utterly aware and doesn’t particularly expect to survive

RISING ACTION: alex returns to the imperial city

obstacle to overcome (that is, particular incident w/ which the episode will deal): ???????????? maybe he helps GUIN????

establish character arc obstacle: his family wants him dead!!! he wants to change aragoth for the better...and survive it

also wants to find and help the rebels!! and throne HELENA

his bio states that he would’ve returned earlier, but he spent time looking for aalis - i’d forgotten!

no one at home is particularly happy to see him besides some kids who he doesn’t really know!! #goodtimes

midpoint: alex tells CASSIUS just what he thinks and that sort of clears the air even tho alex is probs like ‘yup im 100% dead now’

tension rises: the possible helping of GUIN????????? something else????????

END: ????????????????

climax: more to do w the possible helping of GUIN???????

dénoument: he may or may not suspect guin’s involvement w the resistance but he at least knows there are other good ppl at court

resolution: alex decides he’s gonna do everything he can do to help aragoth here at court && even goes to coucil meeting

focal character: ALARIC DE MONTFORT

START: we spot alaric helping out some beggars, giving them bread and coin tho we see he doesn’t have much, himself, see his forest home, etc.

we don’t know anything about his background tho we only know what we see today

except for a loose sprinkling of little clues

we also see his relationships w the various members of the resistance tho probs focus most on GUIN for this ep

and also CEDRIC just bc they’re so tight but GUIN’s def the bigger character here to focus on!!

INCITING INCIDENT: tax collectors come to town to further clamp down on the ppl!! no thanks!! #getoutofmycounty

alaric quickly sees that he can turn this to their advantage, however, as all the gold that’s been collected has to be transported

and they can 100% make that work for them

we also see through this, not only that he’s done this before, but also that he has a history w the roads, the county, the laws...

OBSTACLE TO OVERCOME: ppl!!! starving!!!!!

ok he doesn’t have any permanent fix but he’s got some impermanent ideas to help things along!

and he’s working towards a better future so there’s that!!

MIDPOINT: setting the plan in motion i guess???????

TENSION RISES: receives info from CASSIUS via GUIN!!!!

CLIMAX: the whole burning village scenario

DENOUMENT: handing out all the $$$$$$$ to the ppl successfully but knowing that ppl have been hurt and killed

and things could easily have gone ever WORSE

‘if only we had a dragonrider on our side too hmmm’ ~alaric, probs ;D

RESOLUTION: resolution is a really strong word for the end of a pilot ep ;D but i guess he knows better what the stakes are

and can plan accordingly

focal character: CASSIUS MONTAGU

start: cassius is tasked w the v happy task of getting to tell ROWENA her uncle is coming back!! yay!! not a dreaded thing at aLL!!!

inciting incident: returns the imperial city to find that the privy council is meeting w/o him rudE!!!! 100% convinced they’re plotting

(lbr he’s probs right)

acts! like! an! ass!

++ a fun meeting w ROWENA #notweird

obstacle to overcome: aLEX is baCK!!!!! & this is weird bc cassius likes him which is worSE then when he doesn’t like ppl!!!!

also keeping the status quo, in general, on an even keel despite the resistance

esp bc 50/50 chance he’ll have to kill alex asp too

also fun bc asp they’ll be the two (2) suspects for JON’s murder and cassius be like [ x ]

midpoint: he and alex reach a weird understanding in that alex tells him exactly what he thinks and cassius is like ‘...yeaH’

and weirdly pleased to learn that at least one (1) person is still honest

even tho it sucks bc alex is like ‘yo i know what you did and whY’

also use this confrontation to build up cassius’ bad rep ;D

tension rises: something w the resistance and getting the queen’s tax???????????? and alex??????????????

climax: an adventure scene!! someone/something 100% gets set on fire and cassius walks through it like the bad, bad badass he is

dénoument: the resistance still gets the $$$$$$$ tho even tho like a town or something has been burned to the ground

and obv the privy council spins this to their benefit likE ‘those evil rebels burned ur village!! by summoning the fury of cassius!’

resolution: mah boy knows he needs to stay on his toes

but honestly pr much things’re the same for him as they ever were

so i guess this is basically a ‘the hero’s journey’™ ep for him that way ;DDD jk jk

focal character: GUINEVERE FONTAINE

start: we start out w her at the resistance camp as someone fighting to make a better world!!

not ready to show too much of her life, that’ll come later, she’s mostly a bridge between plots here

we can probs infer tho from her dress and ofc her court connections that she’s of rank

also the fact that at court she’s ‘lady fontaine’ might give some of that away aldjfklsdjfkljdsf

inciting incident: the meeting w ALARIC at camp where they hatch their possible redistribution of wealth scheme ;D

obstacle to overcome: she’s a spy!! her whole situation is just terrible!!

mostly tho trying to get info to the resistance from court w/o getting caught herself

esp bc she’s exploiting CASSIUS and that’s just...noT the position you wanna be in

esp when you watch him walk out of a fire unhurt and ur like ‘im gonna piss off THAT guy’ isabella does NOT approve

midpoint: guin uses a moment of CASSIUS’ tenderness to get some precious info...

tension rises: that she then has to get to the resistance w/o being caught!!

cue a whole sneaking around scene(s) && ahhhhh suspense stuff probs

what is this precious info you may ask???? NO! CLUE!

climax: deF a scene where she almost gets caught and maybe even thinks she’s been recognized for a moment

dénoument: it turns out she’s scott free buT she now knows she needs to be v, v careful

resolution: she’s still alive AND still in danger but she decides to continue anyway bc she’s a brave babe and believes in good <3

focal character: ROWENA GODIVA

start: the mysterious gracious queen enjoying her regal splendour!! its good to be queen!!

esp a dark queen

beautiful, and terrible as the dawn, treacherous as the sea, stronger than the foundations of the earth! all shall love her and despair!

inciting incident: CASSIUS brings her some bad news that not only is her uncle NOT dead, he’s also coming back home a hero

making the political situation untenable for offing him quickly

instead she has to reward him!!! gross!!!!

ofc she decides to use this v reward to kill him AND warn AVELINA but we don’t know that yet

or really anything she’s thinking!!

obstacle to overcome: rowena’s got a few! but she thinks atm that she’s stopped the prophecy (which she believes was about her not dezod)

her main thing now is mostly maintaining her own power: a goal troubled by alex’s reappearance esp w/ ROMAYNE

++ the pesky resistance situation but mostly she just sicks CASSIUS on them

and (eventually) she turns both political situations to her own favor...as always

AND punishes CASSIUS for letting things get out of hand by arranging her wedding to someone else!!

midpoint: announces her intention to wed ROMAYNE, thus helping to neutralize him as a political opponent, etc.

and essentially making him a glorified hostage yay!

tension rises: ?????????????????

climax: ?????????????????

dénoument: good help is really hard to find, these days, but at least CASSIUS isn’t 100% useless ;D

he’s still just as good at burning down villages and instilling the fear of GODS in the populace as ever so that’s something ;D

resolution: everyone’s in line atm...but rowena knows well and good that won’t last and she has to remain vigilant as ever...

focal character: ROMAYNE ‘i was a male war bride’ VITALIS

start: romayne decides to change EVERYTHING by helping aragoth overcome his bro and subjugate the southern isles

inciting incident: this plan quickly backfires

not only is he ~not king, or even governor, but he’s now a pawn in an entirely foreign game of chess on someone else’s board...again

but romayne’s nothing if not resilient and he determines to find a way to adapt to this, too

obstacle to overcome: basically everything in his life tbqh ;D

jk mostly surviving the imperial court and esp his bride-to-be who he’s 50/50 sure means to do away w him soon after marriage

also arriving at court and learning he’s def noT gonna be the governor of the southern isles like he’d imagined

also, like, trying to understand them and their customs etc - makes him a good exposition tool too ;D

midpoint: ?????????????????

tension rises: ?????????????????

climax: is informed, w the rest of court, the queen’s intention to wed him, 100% considers this to be a death sentence

dénoument: realizes that, tho virtually a prisoner here, he does still have some power

his situation now isn’t so v different from how things were under his bro so he knows he can live w this

resolution: invited to join the privy council as ROWENA’s future consort && begins feeling out fellow players in this game...

focal character: RORAN DEGREY

start: has a pr nice life w his surly uncle at his boring farm, being a town menace tbh

inciting incident: ?????????????????

obstacle to overcome: ?????????????????

midpoint: ?????????????????

tension rises: ?????????????????

climax: ?????????????????

dénoument: ?????????????????

resolution: that awkward moment when you stumble upon ur uncle’s hidden dragon eggs (but don’t know their his) and one hatches...

possibly the v end shot of a boy finding dragon eggs and one hatching is the v first we see of roran?????

and delve into him in the next ep???????

OVERALL (if we throw this all in together...)

start: things suck in aragoth

inciting incident: things still suck in aragoth but now they suck a lil less bc there’s no more war and alex is coming home

the resistance develops a plan to steal back $$$$$$$$

obstacle to overcome: the starvation of the populace!!

midpoint: guin pries info out of cassius

tension rises: alex helps guin somehow??????????

climax: getting the info to the resistance just in the nick of time (and thereby saving their lives?????) but failing to save a village

cassius burns down a village in a face off w the resistance (idk how this works exactly tho????????)

dénoument: somewhat pyrrhic victories on both sides

the money’s gone to the ppl but a village has been burned and the area’s scared shitless of the gov again

resolution: things still suck in aragoth but at least we know what aragoth is ;D no, but actually, there’s a new dragon rider on the rise...

So what do you think?????? also,~ if we do like this format for an ep, is it a better ep2 than pilot or is it good pilot fodder??????

#kate #1x01 #s1 #alexandir #alaric #rowena #romayne #roran

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dekumidoriyall · 5 years

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I am a wreck man. I liked it better when I could go home and cry alone. But now "home" is ykws place and he sees me cry and I'm over it.

And if I just leave the place to cry he will also notice bc he pays too much attention which I'm not mad at I guess it's better than him not noticing anything at all which would probably make it worse. Like I know my brain would turn that into "wow he doesn't even notice when you're upset he doesn't care at all" which my ex never noticed and that was exactly the case sometimes. But then again if I actually wanted to fake it I could, but I try not to as much bc that only makes me feel worse. I'd rather not fake it, bc one that's more exhausting, and two, my brain would again try to convince me no one notices bc they don't care. And then I have to tell myself , like yeah no shit jazz you're great at faking it. So I try not to fake it with ykw, I just tone it down a bit and then will lie about it. Which is dumb and I'm glad he called me out on it. And I get he shouldn't have to drag it out of me but also I really do feel my own thoughts are sometimes irrational which is why I double layer my thoughts and have to think about them. And then it sucks when I know I'm being sad or upset for a dumb reason and then he wants to ask me about it and it's like I already know I'm dumb for even thinking this but I don't want him to know how dumb I think i am sometimes. At least how dumb my first thoughts can be sometimes. Bc like I said, I'll tell myself hey that's nonsensical. I am rational believe it or not, it's just the second layer which I thank God I'm self aware enough to at least acknowledge when my own thoughts or feelings are being dumb.

But I have been feeling distant lately and I'm sad about that at a surface level, bc I know my language is quality time and v close after that is physical touch. Like I think QT is 11 and PT is 8, and then it goes words of affirmation at 7 and then acts of service at 4 (which is weird bc I actually think this is how I show it most but I don't receive it the same) and then of course receiving gifts at 0 bc y'all know I don't care jack shit at all for things or gifts or stuff.

And it sucks bc I just live there. It's like we've said. We're just friends. So at not just the surface level but at the second level, I get even more upset with myself for being upset in the first place bc it's like c'mon jazz it doesn't matter, y'all don't owe each other anything. Y'all can talk to whomever. Y'all can do whatever tf y'all want. Y'all aren't together. It doesn't really matter. You know me, I'm no good in the middle or with uncertainty. Uncertainty is my Achilles heel.

But idk he hasn't been as cuddly lately, doesn't do the hand to waist thing almost at all anymore. We had sex (which I know is opposite of physically distant) but I dont even know where that came from but I craved the small stuff so much that I was like I'll take this if this is all I can get. I mean don't get me wrong I thoroughly enjoyed it (although some foreplay would've been extra nice) and would ten ten do again but Physical touch isn't necessarily sex. For me it's the cuddling and the hugs and the orbiting and the almost hand holding and when the hand holding does happen it's nice. So it's not necessarily I'll take what I can get more so that I've been feeling a detachment and it was nice to feel wanted I guess. And i think this is what I like to use the most which is why I'm always like running my hands in his hair and beard and probably annoy him with the lack of physical space. But lately I feel I have to initiate all that or have to refrain completely bc I don't want to annoy him or suffocate him and again we aren't together so I shouldn't even be concerned with any of that. But I actually drafted a post about the sex thing but I couldn't even finish it bc I still am actually surprised by it. Like I honestly would've thought it was a dream if it weren't for me being sore. Like it had been months and wow it felt so great. But I literally have no idea where it came from. Literally a day before the boy and I were talking about a sermon about that. And don't get me wrong, I'd probably do it again, but there isn't a container at all right now. We aren't even dating and I can't justify it. Like of course I care about him and I have, ya know, those extra feelings, but as far as I know with him, I'm just a candidate. The "only candidate" as he put it a week or so ago, but who knows.

Again it comes back down to insecurity and uncertainty. But I put myself in this position. I started thinking about maybe I shouldve moved in with Momo but tbh I'd feel even more isolated and uncertain there so I cut that out thank God bc the enemy was really trying hard with that one.

Idk I guess nothing is really wrong it's just me I guess questioning my role in other people's lives. And I pray that I stop, bc at the end of the day it's just me and god and that relationship that matters.

Yeah I think my alignment is off, like pastor Steven furtick said in his contentment commandments sermon, if you feel like you're in a hurry, you're alignment is off. So I just need to refocus on God. Nothing else matters and I know it's easier said than done or even trying to convince me, but it won't stop me from trying.

Idk, I wish I cared less. About everything and everyone. All caring has ever gotten me is getting hurt.

And I don't want to talk about this which is why I'm writing it out. And if he needs to then I will try my best to talk it out and I don't want to not write on here bc I know he reads it, and I also don't want to refrain any of my feelings either bc this is the only way I can get them out. And sometimes I can't talk and be open about them and this is the next best thing. But I do promise to try. I am trying to be more open with him. And I wrote that thing about not being vulnerable with him and i don't want to go backwards. It was one of my intentions going into this year and I'm not gonna let one night that was bad timing ruin that. And honestly being vulnerable and open and honest with someone is very unlike me bc I am always on guard with people even though it doesn't seem it if you actually know me unless you're AJ or Kel who have gotten to know me under the surface bc even my daddy issues™ are open forum and I don't mind talking about that. But there are under the surface vulnerable feelings I've had on that that only few people know. So while it seems that I am open, I actually am always playing defense. Observing people and knowing more than I let on and feeling more than I let on. Idk I don't know if AJ gets the fact that I keep stuff to myself not bc I necessarily don't trust him, but bc the more people know about you the more they can hurt you. And idk aj knows more than Kel at this point when it comes to things that could potentially be used against me. And that's fucking terrifying.

And then always at the back of my head is this is all temporary. At any point he could get tired of me and I'd have to uproot and move again.

And you know what I have been giving him a lot of backstory lately. In the last month or so, since we had that talk about me being open, and since the first open up during Xmas and even before then when we kinda talked when we hot boxed the closet, I've been more open these past few weeks than I have the entirely of our friendship. And I don't get much back. I don't pry ever. It's not like I don't notice things. I just let him be and if he wants to tell me things then he can. Idk maybe he shows he cares by doing the prying and getting me to talk to him and tbh that's a good call bc if he didn't then I probs would spiral into a whole he doesn't care headspace. So I'm not gonna complain. And I hope he doesn't think that I don't care or notice, I just don't mind that he plays defense. Bc I do that with everyone. Well it's not that I don't mind, it's just i understand. But I notice when he gets heavy, and he won't talk to me about it or open up to me until after and even then he just brushes over it.

I don't know I feel like this post is going in circles but the more I write the more stuff is just coming to the forefront and i actually feel better but im not entirely sure any of this is coherent and also i probably misspoke on some things. But I feel better.

Long story short, I'll keep opening up bc it's something I haven't done so maybe it will be the thing that will help. And it's scary and I can't promise him 100 percent but I can promise to try and give more. I just need him to understand that I keep stuff to myself out of defense.

I'm not upset at him for anything even all the distance I've been feeling, it's just I'm sensitive to any slight change in behaviour, just like he is. He thinks he's the only keen one, and I'll give him props he's good, slightly better than me, I just don't speak on it. It doesn't bother me that he doesnt tell me everything. But my mind does go crazy with assumptions when I do notice any changes.

I just want us both to be light again. I think we've both been a bit heavy. I think we're both stressed about things that have nothing to do with each other but does affect our friendship.

We just both are people who get in our own heads. But we deal with it differently, which is okay. This is all a journey, a learning curve. And honestly it wont get better unless we both communicate better. But when neither of us likes to feel vulnerable or show weakness, it's kinda difficult. Especially me. I'm not gonna speak for him. I have to actively be aware of it. Its only 8 days into the yesr so I don't think I'm necessarily failing at choosing joy or opening up, I think it's the fact that I'm doing that is such a radical shift that I'm kinda grinding the gears within myself. So it's just growing pains.

Sorry for the long ass post I just needed a big mind dump and to turn my thoughts around from where they were bc I actually feel like I kinda made some progress within myself.

Anyway the other night was great, both AJ meeting my family and ya know coming back home. So I fully intend to still post that draft I was writing (I really still am in disbelief) bc it was about both those things. Just maybe when I let it sit for a bit longer. Also I kinda still wanna keep it for myself for a bit. I have a lot of thoughts about it. Good and maybe some, not bad, but just tangents I guess. So soon.

#personal

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