#also its already the 24th where Im from so..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

yunalinwrites · 2 months

Text

kids on christmas eve | gojo satoru x reader

available on wattpad

cover by me

summary: you learn about what happened with geto suguru and make him talk to you about it

about reader: gender neutral, relationship to gojo is unclear but they're close, on a first name basis + implied to be romantic

warnings: sad (if i did my job right), mild cursing, spoilers for jjk 0 + gojo's past/hidden inventory/star plasma vessel arc

notes: i know this is really out of season bc christmas has long passed but its for the plot lol as u prob know dec 24th is an important date

anyways i prob could've edited more but tbh i just wanted to post it already lmao hope its not cringe cuz i didn't shower to finish it (avg jjk degenerate) also im angry this was correctly formatted in google docs but tumblr ruined it and i cant b bothered to reread it under the new formatting so srry if theres smth wrong

"Gojo-sensei, that's not fair!"

Itadori had his bottom lip stuck out, his arms crossed tightly and his feet stomping against the snow.

"Yeah, come on!" Kugisaki agreed, mitten-clad hands full of the cold ammunition. "Turn it off, will you?"

You looked over to where Satoru stood. The snowballs that floated around him made it a little hard to see, but you could still tell his face was like it always was: smiling, the only deviation from its usual state being the pink on his pale nose. The rosy shade was just like his tongue when he stuck it out.

"Come and make me," he taunted.

"Why, you little..." Kugisaki grumbled. "Okay, Itadori, Formation B!"

"Roger!" Itadori yelled back.

The pair performed a number of flashy poses--as if they were trying to imitate something they'd seen in a cartoon--and before you knew it, they were charging at Satoru from two sides, arms fully loaded and wound back with mounds of snow. But it seemed Satoru knew it before you, because he just tsked--didn't even bother catching the snowballs, just let them fall apart against his forcefield.

"Gojo-sensei!" the two groaned in unison.

"You're no fun!" Itadori complained.

"It's not supposed to be fun," Satoru countered with a playful shrug. "Just because it's a snow day doesn't mean you can stop training."

"But... but... But what about...!" Kugisaki sputtered, a vein popping out of her forehead as she struggled to come up with an argument. You could almost see the lightbulb pop up above her head as she pounded her fist in her palm. "But what about global warming?"

"Yeah!" Itadori followed, not thinking. "What about--Wait, what?" Scratching his head, he tilted his head at Kugisaki.

"It could totally be the last day it ever snows, you know," she claimed matter-of-factly, her hands on her hips. "And I would so hate you forever."

Itadori's mouth formed a silent "Oh!" as Kugisaki elaborated. Nodding his head in accord, he added on: "Yeah, Gojo-sensei. I don't think I could respect you after that."

Satoru put on a dramatic pout at that last sentence, but he soon returned to a smile and gave in with a sigh. "Alright, just this once."

You could see the two students loudly jumping for joy from behind him as he made his way towards where you were sitting. You smiled warmly at the sight.

"They really are something," you commented.

"Tell me about it," Fushiguro grumbled, leaning boredly against the wooden armrest of the park bench. He observed quietly as his friends built a snowman in the distance until Satoru's towering shadow prompted him to look up.

"Megumi!" Satoru called, his voice high-pitched and sing-song. "Go play with the others."

The boy scowled in response. "I'm too old for that stuff."

"You think you're old?" Satoru challenged. He pointed at his hair, at the white color it's always been. "What does that make me?" He hunched over and put his hand on his lower spine, feigning back pain. "C'mon, listen to your teacher. Let me sit next to Y/N."

Fushiguro squinted at him for a moment before finally getting up."Gross."

You chuckled, watching the boy begrudgingly drag his feet through the snow towards his classmates, but your laughter hitched as you felt something push against you. Turning to your right, you saw his lanky teacher. At first the sensation didn’t make sense, considering that there was a considerable amount of distance between the two of you, but you soon recalled his defense measures and the complaints they had garnered.

Not noticing your discomfort, he stared up at the cloudy sky for a moment before turning to you.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

You shook your head. "I should be asking you," you replied, referencing his lack of winter wear. "Why didn't you wear a coat?"

"Well, it would ruin my outfit, of course," he stated perkily. He wore a confident smirk on his face, but looking closer you could tell he was shivering beneath the thin fabric of his uniform.

Taking a deep breath in disapproval, you reached for your scarf. "Here," you offered, unraveling the knot you’d made earlier. But when you reached to wrap it around his neck, you felt the resistance of his invisible force.

His smile eased. "It's okay," he obliged, sniffling. "Thank you, though."

You hesitated before tying your scarf back around yourself, the garment's chunky knit giving it enough volume to nearly cover your mouth and even your ears, but you could still hear his teeth chatter. You searched your surroundings, looking past the dead snow-adorned trees and following the wet pavement until you spotted something in the distance: a cafe, just down the street from where you were.

"I'll get you some hot chocolate," you decided, standing up and brushing the snowflakes off your coat.

"You don't--"

"Shh!" You pointed your finger threateningly at him before turning around to begin your walk. "Somehow you've bent logic so far that you'll end up sick if you don't drink it. So just take this as an excuse to have more sweets, alright?"

You were just about to make your first step away from the bench, but then you felt a firm grip wrap around your arm. "Wait, Y/N--"

Before he could finish his protest, he was cut off by a particularly firmly packed snowball striking him right in the middle of his face, highlighting his nose with the sparkling white powder and dislodging his blindfold. With his cerulean eyes now exposed, he turned his head and saw the three of them: Itadori pointing and cackling on the left, Kugisaki doing the same keeled over in the middle, and even Fushiguro, on the right, had the ends of his mouth perked up as he shook his head hopelessly.

You saw Satoru grin at the picture, but it was contradictory to what you were feeling. He had let go of your arm, but not by relaxing his hand--you felt him, as if brick by brick, build that invisible wall right back up between you, seemingly stronger than ever. You could still feel it, even as he walked away towards the trio, tying his blindfold back on. Sighing, you sat back down and watched him make snow angels with the others, his head blending right in with the scene as he drowned himself in the blinding whiteness. With his blindfold now fully on, you could only imagine what it was like when he smiled with his eyes.

***

"I can't feel my toes."

Twirling her brown hair between her fingers, Shoko spun around in her chair to face the doorway.

She darted her eyes between you and Satoru for a second before a calm, amused expression painted her face. Despite knowing it was his voice she heard--though it was more nasal than usual--she directed her question at you: "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I told him to wear thicker socks!" you exclaimed, your arms crossed in frustration. "But look! Show her."

Rolling his eyes behind his blindfold, Satoru pulled the fabric on his thighs, lifting the hems of his pants so that they revealed his ankles. They were barely covered by the cheap red and green striped polyester; it was the kind of thing you'd spot on sale in packs at the checkouts during Christmas season.

“So I forgot… Big deal!”

“I could fill a library with all the things you forgot,’” you complained. “I mean, what are you, a fish?”

Unfazed, Shoko chuckled. "You're telling me the strongest--the one powerful enough to rival the King of Curses--was defeated by a case of frostbite?"

The both of you responded simultaneously: "Exactly." "No!"

"I was not defeated," he insisted, earning a glare from you. "Barely a scratch. She's just being dramatic."

"I am not--"

"Is there a reason you can't heal yourself?" Shoko interrupted, now turned to Satoru.

He pointed his thumb in your direction accusingly. "She wanted to come here, not me."

"Wait," you interjected. "You can heal yourself?”

“Of course, duh.”

“Since when?"

"High school," he answered dismissively, wiping his nose with his sleeve. "See, look!"

He pointed down to his shoes--through the leather of his dress boots, you could see the movement of his wriggling toes.

You held your hands up to hide his feet from your sight. “Ew, stop that--" you grimaced. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He shrugged, smirking smugly. "My talent should go without saying."

You sighed. “Your talent to bewilder me?”

"You know it,” he asserted proudly. "But anyways–Can I go now?"

Before you could even answer, you could sense him already moving in your peripheral vision.

"Satoru, wait--"

"If you don't believe I'm fine, I'll show you my toes," he threatened, halfway out the door.

"Satoru--!"

"Go on, catch me if you can!"

You listened, trying to grab onto him but, once again, his Infinity blocked you, making you stumble into Shoko's arms as it pushed you backwards. By the time you regained your balance and rushed into the hallway, his long strides and newly healed feet had already carried him beyond your sight.

You sighed and re-entered the room, brushing yourself off. "Do you have anything for a cold?" you asked.

"I should," Shoko replied, opening up one of her medicine cabinets. "Why, are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah, no, it's for him," you explained. "He's had a runny nose all week. I told him not to go out in the snow with the kids, but... You know how he is."

She hummed in acknowledgement with an understated smile, picking out a bottle of Acetaminophen capsules. Making her way over to you, she held up the container.

"I have these," she told you, but she didn't hand them to you; she just kept holding it up as she continued, "but, in my professional opinion, I don't think he has a cold."

"What do you mean?" you asked, your brow raised.

"Y/N, do you know what tomorrow is?"

"It's... the 24th."

"Mhm."

"So... Christmas Eve?"

She looked down at the floor, placing the bottle on a nearby counter and leaning back against it, getting comfortable. She stayed quiet for a moment, biting her lip in deep thought as she continued to stare at the floor with her arms crossed. But then, finally, she sighed, and reached into her coat pocket for a cigarette.

"Would you like one?" she offered, flicking the lighter at the end of the stick

"Um... No thank you..."

"Have a seat." She gestured to the metal seat against the wall.

Still thoroughly confused, you did as you were told. You felt as if your parents were about to have a stern "talk" with you--as if you had broken a vase or--arguably worse--it was time for you to understand the birds and the bees. That thought, along with the cold steel beneath you, sent chills up your body.

In an attempt to quell your anxiety, you beat her to the punch and spoke up: "You went to high school together, didn't you?"

She blew out a lengthy tangle of smoke strings. "That's right," she answered.

You shifted in your seat. "Has he always been... like this?"

"No,” she chuckled, bringing the cigarette back to her lips. "He used to wear glasses."

Your eyebrows shot up as you leaned forward in shock. "Seriously?"

She reached into her coat pocket again, this time producing a small print of a photo.

You took the glossy sheet from her hands and studied it, your mouth agape. Sure enough, there he was, on Shoko's right, smiling widely with his hair down and a pair of round sunglasses, both of them holding up peace signs. But, while Shoko's arm was clearly holding up the camera for the selfie, one of Satoru’s arms appeared to be wrapped around the shoulders of a black-haired man you didn't recognize.

Your brows furrowed at the sight. "Who's the one on the left?"

The scent of the nicotine got stronger as she took her time to ponder her answer, staring blankly into the back of the photo beneath your thumbs.

"That's Geto Suguru,” she finally told you.

You scanned his portrait meticulously. The man wore a grumpy expression with dark bags under his eyes and, contrary to the cheerful pose of the other two, he was flipping off the camera.

“Was he an upperclassman?” you asked.

She shook her head. “He was our classmate.” She gestured towards the photo with her cigarette. “We were all second-years there.”

“No way…” Holding the photo closer, you could have sworn you saw the outline of ear gauges behind Shoko’s head. “He looks so much older.”

You returned the photo to her and she slipped it back in her pocket, not taking even a glance at it as she did. She just spoke plainly: “He’s Satoru’s best friend.”

You tilted your head to the side. “Really? I wonder why I haven’t heard of him, then."

She took another puff, turning her face away from you as she let it out. “Tomorrow is his death anniversary.”

Your eyes widened before falling to the floor. “Oh… I see…”

You fell into a solemn trance, not knowing what you should or shouldn’t say and, consequently, opting to stay quiet out of respect. But, suddenly, you were interrupted by the sound of light laughter.

“Even if he were still with us, I doubt you would’ve been able to tell. They bickered so much you’d think they hated each other.”

She walked around to the other side of the counter, leaning forward on it as she rested her hand on her palm.

“Who could get to class faster… Who could shoot more hoops in a minute… Who could make a bigger crater in the courtyard…”

You tried to imagine the pair wreaking havoc on an older version of the Jujutsu Tech Campus, but while it was easy to fit Satoru’s cheeky grin into all of these scenarios, it was hard to see such a mature-looking person as Geto doing these childish things.

“Ah, but you know, Y/N,” she started, looking up at you with a smile. “I think you would have been able to tell that Suguru was actually younger.”

“What?” you gasped, surprised at both the fact that he was younger and that Shoko thought that would be clear to you. “There’s no way…”

“Well, for starters, Suguru is shorter, if you put them side-by-side,” she argued. “And… Hm…”

She stopped to contemplate how to put together her next sentence–or if she should even do so at all. But in the end, she brought her cigarette back to her lips and exhaled: “I think you would have agreed with me that he’s the more immature one.”

Your brows furrowed as you scoffed in disbelief. “That's impossible… Satoru could be ten-feet tall and not a single thing on this planet could make him seem more mature than another person.”

She chuckled, though you could sense a sadness behind the sound, and you realized that your comment might’ve come off as insensitive. Clearing your throat, awkwardly, you granted her the floor: “What makes you say that?”

She took another inhale and sighed out a long cloud. Looking out the window of her office, she saw the faint glow of the multicolored lights that decorated it on the outside. She took in the sight for a quiet moment before sinking into her swivel chair, puffing once more.

“I still don’t know much about his childhood,” she began. “I never asked, and I never got to meet his parents. But I can tell you for certain that Suguru was the sort of kid who threw a tantrum when he didn’t get what he wanted for Christmas.

“I’m sure he had wishlists a mile long, but he wouldn’t be the kind to write even a single letter about it to Santa. Of course, that’d make it difficult for his family, and maybe they could've tried harder to figure it out–but he just wouldn't understand why what he wanted wasn't obvious to everyone.

“I can imagine one day someone told him the truth about Santa, and he was probably absolutely devastated. But, to him, it wouldn't be about the presents. It would be about the people around him: his mom, his dad, his teachers, his neighbors, everyone–the people who had been deceiving him his whole life.

“I don't think he ever forgave anyone for that, all the way up until he found himself as a seventeen-year-old at Jujutsu High.”

The air became thick–suffocatingly so–and your spine no longer fit right against the back of the bench.

“What exactly… did he do?”

She rolled her chair towards her desk and put out her cigarette, pushing and twisting it into the ashtray by her desk calendar.

“In a single night, he killed one hundred and twelve civilians–non-sorcerers–including his parents. He wanted to create a world where only sorcerers exist.”

“O-oh my God…” Your hand rose up to cover your gaping mouth. “Wh.. Why?!”

“By killing non-sorcerers, you stop curses from the source.”

“But you can't just–” You cut yourself off, thousands of words rushing and racing to your mouth. “Didn't anyone try to stop him?”

“Maybe Satoru could've. If Suguru decided to tell him, that is.”

Your face was wound up in concern. “That's horrible…”

“I know, right?” she casually agreed. “To want to be understood, but never willing to understand… Isn't it childish?” She even laughed. “Though, I suppose he was just a kid.”

“Just a kid?!” You stuck your head out in disbelief. “No, no… Satoru is childish. But that–that’s… inhumane!

You pointed to the door. “Satoru was a kid.”

You pointed to her. “You were a kid.”

Lowering your hand, you scrunched the hem of your shirt. “I might not have known you then, but I know you never would have done that.”

“To be fair, I'm not the strongest,” she defended plainly. “I'm just a doctor.”

The crease between your eyebrows deepened as you threw your arms up. “Okay–then Satoru! Satoru would never do something like that! And he… he's still a kid!”

“Satoru killed his best friend–his one and only.” She clasped her hands together on her desk. “A kid wouldn't do that, would they?”

You froze at the edge of your seat, blinking rapidly as you pieced together the puzzle.

“He… killed…?” you trailed off.

Shoko stared grimly at her hands as she tightened her grip on herself. “A kid wouldn’t have understood.”

You bore your eyes into her, waiting, begging for her to continue, to elaborate, to make it make sense, but she just stayed quiet, kept to herself.

You directed your eyes to the freshly polished floor tiles. As you stared into the blurry reflection of yourself, you tried imagining it again: Satoru, tall and white haired, and this kid grumpy little kid he called Suguru, wreaking havoc on the old campus of Jujutsu High: walking to class together, dribbling a basketball between each other, meeting up in the courtyard with one another.

“That…” you began hesitantly. “That still doesn't excuse what happened.”

Shoko looked up at you, for the first time in what felt like an eternity, and though she wasn’t as contented as she had been before your conversation, her expression was no longer grave; she seemed satisfied. Slowly, she put her palms on her desk and pushed herself up from her seat.

“To answer your question from earlier–properly,” she started, making her way over to you. “I think that Satoru has always been that way–the way Gojo Satoru has to be.”

“But if there were ever a time that he weren’t,” she interjected, sliding her hand into her coat pocket.

“It would have been thanks to him.”

***

Your footsteps echoed down the empty hallway, stopping every once in a while to slide open one of the stiff doors only to struggle to shut it a moment later. You increased the reach of your steps, and the thump of your shoes against the wood planks competed with the hooting owl perched on the snow covered roof.

Suddenly, you heard a new noise: a honking, like that of a goose, coming from the end of the hall and slightly to the left. Now picking up to a jog, you made a beeline for the door and jerked it open.

“Well, if it isn’t my long-awaited Christmas present!” he exclaimed. “Looks like Santa’s early this year.”

He rested against the corner of one of the student’s desks, already facing you with his hands in his pocket. From behind him, you could just barely see the white crumpled-up balls of tissue that scattered the surface.

“I guess some people do gifts on Christmas Eve though, right?” he considered, putting a finger to his chin. “But, ah… choosing gifts is so hard. I need all the time I can get.”

He didn’t acknowledge your entrance at all; his Six Eyes had seen it coming miles away, allowing him enough time to get into position to pick up wherever you’d last left off. You didn’t acknowledge him either, keeping a stone face as you stepped into the room.

“What’s with the face, hm? Did you not like your presents?”

“Satoru,” you said sternly.

“Did you ask Santa for anything this year?” he went on, continuing to pay you no mind.

You sighed. You couldn’t help but let the ends of your lips pick up, but you kept your eyes down at the dirtied pattern of the floor.

“I don’t celebrate Christmas,” you admit.

“What? Why not?” he questioned astonishedly, forming a pout. “Does that mean you didn’t get me a present?”

You shook your head lightly, making your way over to him. “I’ve always thought it was sort of weird. To celebrate the birth of a martyr.”

“Hm,” he sounded. “Well that’s no fun.”

Planting his hands on the surface, he hoisted himself up onto his desk. “Santa probably wouldn’t give anything other than coal to a non-believer,” he noted. “But since I’m so nice, I’ll get you something. Just tell me–what is it that you want for Christmas?”

His smile stayed in place as you darted your pupils around his visage, your own face beginning to fall. You took slow steps towards the desk next to him, getting as close as you could before you felt his Infinity push back

“Satoru, can you do me a favor?” you requested gently.

“Depends on what the favor is,” he chirped back.

Reaching your hand out, you traced your forefinger on the edge of the invisible barrier before applying pressure into it, testing the shield’s strength. You pushed with all your might, but all it did was whiten your finger tip and make your knuckles concave.

You retracted, looking back into his eyes. “Can you take it down?”

You could see the movement of his eyebrows raising beneath his blindfold. “You tryna kill me?”

Again, you shook your head, still solemn.

He crossed his arms and squinted at you, biting his cheek. Leaning back, he put his weight onto his hands behind him, loosely grabbing the edge of his desk, his expression becoming relaxed. “Alright. Here you go.”

You took another small step into the newfound space until you were only inches apart. Slowly, you extended both your hands towards his face, but then suddenly reeled them back into a hesitant fist in disbelief, the lack of resistance uncomfortably foreign.

You inhaled deeply through your nose and exhaled the air shakily through your mouth, trying hard to slow the rapid beating in your chest. Ignoring the smirk on his face, you tried to reach out to him, one final time.

Letting your arms wrap around his head, your hands searched his silky hair for the knot that held up his eye covering. When you finally felt the bump, you took your time digging your nails into where the fabric held onto itself, carefully pulling apart its loops.

As the blindfold fell to his neckline, his signature grin stayed plastered on his face, but just about every other feature of his seemed to change completely when the white wisps came down to frame them. His azure eyes, for example, glimmered under the faint moonlight coming through the window, but not in the way that they usually did. They were shining like lacquer, but it was as if, from underneath that, their batteries had been taken out. In their dullness, you could see the reflection of the long white lashes resting on the eyelids above, forming sharp, unnatural shapes as they clumped together unevenly. Pink waterlines painted the bottom of his irises, and a faint red was seemingly airbrushed around the surrounding puffy skin.

You trailed your hands down the back of his head until they cupped his jawline, holding his face as you explored its entirety. Moving from his eyes to his flushed, leaking nose, his smirk grew when your gaze landed on his lips.

“Are you sure you want to use your gift on this?” he teased. “Kind of a waste, in my opinion–you could’ve just found a mistletoe.”

“Satoru.”

“Hmm?”

“I want you to stop smiling.”

For a moment, he listened to you: his mouth fell open, but then it fell back into its previous position as he flashed his teeth at you. “My bad. I didn’t mean to blind you.”

“Please?”

He kept still while your thumb gently stroked his powder-smooth cheek. He jolted slightly as his lungs forced out a nervous chuckle, but he trailed off as your touch continued on him. Realizing your relentlessness, he sucked in his lips and clamped them together with his teeth as if he was trying to stop any further laughter.

He stayed like this for a moment, waiting for you to let go, but your tender movements showed no signs of stopping–you only slowed down when your eyes flitted up to meet his. He tried his best to return your stare, but eventually, he accepted defeat in the contest. And so, little by little, he let his lips roll out and the muscles to dispose into a resting state.

His voice became low, a near whisper. “Is… everything okay?”

Finally removing your hands from him, you nodded. Returning them to yourself, you glided one into the back pocket of your pants.

Taking a step back, you held up the sheet of glossy photo paper side-by-side with his face. You could name a number of differences: the neckline of the teacher’s uniform was looser and higher, his bangs now were longer and a bit thicker, and, of course, he wasn’t wearing glasses, and he wasn’t smiling. But, somehow, now more than ever, you could see the resemblance.

“What have you got there?”

Moving towards him again, you handed him the photo. It felt strange, witnessing the rare sight of his pupils’ every rapid move. And in addition to that, ever so slightly, you could see his swollen under eyes rise as the softest of smiles pushed up his cheeks. It was nothing like the sickeningly-sweet beamings you were used to seeing from him, though; it was subdued, raw like the cacao in dark chocolate, undiluted by sugar or milk.

“Where did you get this?” he asked, incredulous.

“Like you said, Santa came early,” you joked mildly.

“No, really,” he persisted, his tone reaching a bass you’d never heard from him before. “Where did you get this?”

You sat yourself on the desk next to him. “Shoko,” you admitted.

“What did she tell you?”

Your shrug was subtle. “As much as she could.”

He continued to scrutinize the photo in his hands, his brows drawing together.

“Satoru,” you proceeded, hushed. “If it’s okay… I’d like it if you told me about it.”

He lowered the photo so that it no longer obstructed his view of you, but he didn’t take advantage of the space he gave himself; he kept staring at the photo as he spoke: “There’s not much to tell about. I was the strongest then and I’m the strongest now.”

You rested your hands on your lap and exhaled deeply. “That’s not what I mean,” you contested.

It was as if he couldn’t hear you, continuing to stare vapidly into the photo as if somehow your sentence didn’t make it to his ears. But that was impossible; you’d said what you said, and the room was dead silent.

“I… I want you to tell me about him,” you clarified.

He shifted in his seat, finally looking away from the photo and up at you. “You mean… Geto Suguru?” he asked, as if there were any other ‘him’ in that photo.

“Well… he’s the worst of all curse users,” he offered. He then shoved the photo back in your direction, a sudden grin straining itself on his face. “But it’s okay. He’s gone now.”

Ignoring his move, you asked, “Is it really okay?”

“I made sure of it,” he affirmed, impatiently nudging the paper at you.

He resumed his usual playful lilt. “Are you doubting me?” he tested.

“I don’t doubt you for a second–not in that sense. You’ve always been strong,” you reassured him. “But that’s exactly why I doubt you know how to be weak.”

He scoffed. “You think Gojo Satoru would know how to be weak?”

“No, I don’t. That’s my whole point,” you upheld firmly.

He folded his arms across his chest, his mocking tone sharpening: “Why would anyone want to know how to be weak?”

“Because even Gojo Satoru needs to realize he can’t just smile and laugh all the time,” you challenged, feeling heat rise up your neck.

His eyes darkened, seemingly into a navy blue, and his inflection further condescended: “There are a lot of things you don’t understand.”

“Satoru, how on earth am I supposed to understand?!”

As your tone cut through, just as abruptly you pushed the desk behind you and dropped heavily to your feet.

“You’re right, I don't understand you,” you confessed frustratedly, pointing to yourself. “I don’t understand you at all. Because how could I possibly understand you? I can’t see your eyes, I can’t even get near you, and I’ve never seen you not smile.”

Your voice made gaps as your vocal cords threatened sobs. “And sure, I call you by your first name, and I laugh and I smile at all your dumb jokes and… and the idiotic games you play…

“But it’s–it’s… scary, Satoru. Creepy, even. How you know just about everything there is to know about me and yet… It's like I don’t even know who you are. You’re just a toy in the corner, watching everyone come in and out of the room, but I can never make you say or be or feel anything.”

“Feelings are what made him into who he was,” he stated coldly, his eyes fixed on the grimy floor. “It’s important for sorcerers to have a hold on their emotions.”

“So you know what happens, then,” you argued firmly, your shoes coming into his view as you stepped closer. “You know what it’s like to be shut out from them.”

You pushed his chin up, forcing him to witness the way you were holding on desperately to the tears that bordered your lower waterline.

“Doesn’t it hurt?”

“Do you always get Sprite?” he’d asked, looking down as his friend retrieved his drink from the bottom of the machine.

“I mean… yeah, I guess,” Suguru replied plainly. “Why?”

A pit formed in his stomach as he heard the crack of the can opening.

“Shit. I’ve been getting you Coke this whole time,” he’d mumbled. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

Suguru shrugged, beginning to head in the direction of the classroom. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Dude, are you good?”

Suguru jolted awake, sitting up from the plush back of the couch and nearly spilling the bowl of popcorn in his lap.

“Do you wanna watch something else?” he’d suggested, but Suguru just shook his head.

“I thought you liked Digimon,” Suguru objected.

“Well yeah, but…”

The only lighting came from the flashing screen, but it was enough for him to see his friend yawn, making his eyes water, dark bags underneath them.

“You can turn it up if you want,” was all Suguru had to say, but even after doing what Suguru said, he couldn’t focus on his favorite TV show.

“I know you said you didn’t want anything,” he started, reaching into his bag. “But here.”

“What’s this?” Suguru questioned.

“Your Christmas present, duh.”

“But it’s Christmas Eve,” Suguru pointed out. “And I told you–”

“I know! But just open it.”

He watched as Suguru lifted the lid of the small gray box, revealing a small pair of white gauges.

“I didn’t really know what size to get… But I think they’d look cool on you.”

“Thanks, Satoru.”

He lit up, thinking that he’d finally done something right by his friend, but the way that Suguru looked up at him, the way Suguru smiled insincerely, told him he should’ve waited for Christmas Day.

The tears were warm as they rolled down his face, past his trembling lip and blooming into the blindfold that rested loosely around his neck.

“I just don't understand why he didn’t talk to me.”

You pulled him into a hug, carding your fingers in his hair as you rested his head on your shoulder.

“He thought I hated him,” he told you shakily, finding himself clutching onto your shirt. “I didn’t see him for ten years and… and that whole time he thought I hated him.”

He inhaled a sharp sniffle. “I… I don’t hate him,” he whimpered, his pitch jumping and his body beginning to tremble. “I don’t hate him, Y/N, I don’t, I don’t, I never, ever did.”

“I know,” you whispered, stroking his hair, holding him tighter as he jerked with sobs.

He placed his head on your shoulder, staring at the blindfold that had unraveled itself and fallen between you. “I hate myself.”

You pulled back, cupping his jawline and holding it in front of you.

“Don’t say that…”

“But he was my best friend, Y/N,” he insisted, gripping desperately onto your shoulders. “I saw him every single day… every single day, all of that was running through his head and I… I didn’t even know… I just watched and… and I made him think I hated him. I was supposed to be his best friend.”

“You did everything you could, Satoru.”

“It was all my fault.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why did it happen?” he whined. “It had to have been for a reason–It can't just hurt and be for no reason. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“It’s not,” you told him, shaking your head gently and looking deeply into his eyes. “It’s not fair at all.”

Indicating the breaking of a dam, a deafening, siren-like wail pierced the air. His face was red and scrunched up, his nose was dripping with snot, and his hands were coming up to swipe desperately at the tears on his cheeks.

You pulled him close to you again as he kept hiccuping and sniffling into the crook of your neck. His loud weeping wet your shirt with both the fluids from his eyes and nose, but you didn’t care; you just rubbed his back, caressing him tenderly.

His voice was suddenly clearer as he took deep breaths to try and recuperate himself: “I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“Why are you sorry?” you asked, stiffening your hold on him.

“I just… I don’t know. I hate crying. I’m not a kid anymore, you know?” he tried laughing.

“Satoru,” you whispered delicately, turning your head so your words rested right by his ear. “You were never a kid.”

Gently, you pressed his head into you, stopping him from moving his lips in any way. “I want you to be one right now.”

You let him stay in your arms for a while until his tears subsided and his breathing steadied. You had moved to the floor at some point, allowing him to comfortably lean on you as you embraced him, his previous quivering replaced now by the calm rhythm of his rising and falling figure.

He hadn’t talked in a while, so you assumed he’d fallen asleep, but then, among his mellow breathing, a mumble came up right by your ear:

“Thank you,” he’d said.

Hugging him tighter, you patted him on the back softly. “Of course.”

As one hand traveled to intertwine its fingers in his hair, you reached for your phone with your other one.

You pressed the power button on its side, and flinched backward, squinting at the brightness your phone screen emitted. Despite your sudden movement, Satoru didn’t show any sort of reaction; he’d fallen asleep, for sure now.

You continued to comb through his white locks, a little more consciously now, as you made note of the time and date your phone’s clock displayed, changing right before your eyes:

December 25th, 00:00

You smiled, dragging your coat up to cover the both of you as you laid your head on his shoulder.

“Merry Christmas, Satoru.”

***

might do a toji x megumi's teacher reader if u wanna follow

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujustsu kaisen x reader #gojo x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo satoru #satoru gojo

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idontknowwhoiam465 · 1 month

Text

Not Alone. Not Anymore. Not Ever.

The reader met the Doctor three months ago, and already he's become so important to her. Her anxieties about being left alone start to show, and the Doctor makes sure she knows thats not going to happen. Not ever.

----------------------------------

I'd been traveling with the Doctor for almost three months now, and already the larger than life TARDIS had started to feel more like home than anywhere on Earth ever did. The Doctor and I had settled into a comfortable companionship early on, and I could see the joy in his eyes whenever he watched closely at my reactions to a new planet, or species, or some corner of the universe I never thought imaginable.

The Doctor had quickly become my favourite person to be around. His quirky excitable personality, and outfit to match, drew me in from the moment I saw him. Whenever we were sat in the control room of the tardis and he was tinkering away fixing something or other, he'd often tell me stories of places he'd been as I kept him company. Tell me tales of the adventures he'd had and the people he'd seen. Songs he's heard, and lives he's lived.

Sometimes he'd mention a name of a past companion and a flash of sorrow would show in his eyes, before brightening up again, so quick I almost wouldn't notice. It's in these moments that I realise how lonely he gets. How afraid he is to be alone again. These are the moments that scare me. I see myself in him. His eyes a reflection of my own.

I spent my whole life caring so much about the people around me. Loving them with everything I had in me. Only for them to get bored of me, or decide I was too much to deal with, and just walk away. And it hurt. It hurt like hell. Anytime someone new would come into my life, I'd wonder how long. How long until they get bored of me? How long until I drive them away? How long before they decided they dont want me anymore?

Sometimes, when I see that pain in the Doctors eyes, I want to tell him I know how he feels. I know what its like to be left on your own time and time again. But I can't. His eyes show the pain of someone who hasn't just been left behind, but rather, had the people he loved ripped away. My loneliness can't compare to that.

Sometimes my anxiety gets the better of me. I find myself wondering if he's going to leave me behind too. If I'm another burden, that im putting on his already heavy shoulders.

I also wonder if, just as I see the loneliness in his eyes, he sees it in mine.

Of course, he does. I just didn't realise that yet.

---------------------------------------

I was too busy constantly overthinking the idea of him leaving me, that I didn't even notice everything he was doing to make me trust that he wouldn't.

The comforting smiles and endless rescues when we went to a planet, and it didn't quite go as planned. The time he put a beanbag in the control room for me, because he knew I couldn't sit comfortably still on a chair. Keeping hold of my hand, never letting go, as we'd explore dark creepy tunnels. The little music box he secretly bought for me, after noticing me looking at it longingly at an alien marketplace. And the way he seemed to know when I was afraid, before I knew myself, and made sure he was by my side.

Despite all this, my anxieties about him leaving me behind only grew.

It was when we went to Victorian London, that I fell apart.

I peered out of the doors of the TARDIS around the Doctor's shoulder as he (quite overly dramatically) opened them. I gasped at the snow lining the streets as the faint glow of the streetlamps lit the dark road. The snow glittered as each flake reflected the light, creating a sparkling blanket, resting peacefuly on the ground.

I turned to the Doctor excitedly, 'Where - no, wait - When are we? When and where?'.

'Victorian London,' He licked his finger and held it up in the air as he stepped out of the blue box, '1873, 5:23 pm, December 24th, Wednesday. Good. Not a Thursday. Don't like Thursdays. Today is Christmas Eve, Christmas ball day. And we,' he winked at me as he pulled out his psychic paper, 'have got an invitation.'

I stared at him eyes wide. 'Christmas ball day. You're taking me to a christmas ball. In Victorian London.' I looked outside as I breathed out a silent wow.

I looked down at the clothes I was wearing, 'Oh my god, I need to go get a dress!'

As I turned to get to the wardrobe room of the TARDIS, the Doctor stopped me.

'I uh, actually, Y/N, may have already bought one for you. If you want it that is, I don't mean to force you to wear it if you dont want to. Thats not what I want to do at all actually, I just saw it and thought you might like it. Tell me if you -'

I cut him off with a grin.

'Show me the way to my new dress Doctor'

'Well, yes, okay then, follow me'

--------------------------------------

I opened my eyes to see the most beautiful dress I could have ever imagined. Hanging in front of me was a sea of green. Layers upon layers of fabric, all folded over eachother. Stunning embroidery and beads and lace all creating so many beatiful patterns that I could sit there all day and find new designs and still find more later.

The Doctor's voice came from behind me, 'I thought the colour would work well with your hair, seeing as you insist on dying it red.'

He thought that far into it. He thought about whether or not it would match my hair. I turned to him silently not knowing what to say. Before I even knew I was crying, the Doctor took a step towards me.

'Hey, what's wrong? Do you not like the dress? I'm sorry, I didnt mean to upset you.'

The Doctor wiped a tear off my cheek as I whispered through a shaky breath, 'The dress is beautiful Doctor. Really, I love it. That's not the problem at all.'

He held his hand on the side of my face and gently asked, 'Then talk to me, what's wrong?'

'It's nothing. Don't worry about it. It's stupid.' I said shaking my head slightly.

He took one of my hands in his and looked at me with his bluey-green eyes full of so much care, 'Oh Y/N, nothing that makes you sad or hurt could ever be stupid. Please talk to me.'

'Its just, well, you're important to me right,' I managed, tears coming quicker now, 'My best friend. And that scares me. I told you. It's stupid. But everyone, everyone I've ever cared about has decided at one point or another that they're bored of me. Or that they dont want to deal with me anymore. I always push everyone away. And you're doing all this nice stuff for me. The bean bag and the music box, and now this stunning dress. And it makes it worse. Because what if you decide you dont want me anymore. I can't get left behind again. I just, I just can't. And I couldn't tell you, because I see it in your eyes. You've been alone before, but your eyes tell a different story. You weren't just left behind. I can see the pain and the grief. They were taken from you. And my fear of being alone is small and silly compared to that.' I looked down at the floor, scared to look at him and see him looking at me as though I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

I felt his hand leave my cheek and tilt my chin up to look at him. His eyes searched mine for a moment, before he pulled me in for a hug and held me like our lives depended on it.

'My amazing Y/N. Just because we feel different pain, it doesnt mean your's is lesser. You hear me? You are allowed to feel just as sad as anyone else. Don't think you have to hide it from me. And listen I am not going anywhere without you, you are coming to the ends of the universe with me whether you like it or not. You are not alone. Not anymore. Not ever.'

I pulled back to look at him, my turn to search his eyes. 'You promise?' I whispered.

'Cross both my hearts and hope to die. Well, not really hope to die, the idea doesnt seem particularly appealing to me personally. Honestly that phrase should probably have some adjustments made. But yes, I promise. You're stuck with me I'm afraid.'

My lips curled up slightly at his rambling, and the sincerity I saw in his face.

His face turned into a grin, 'There we go Bright Eyes. There's that smile I love. Now, haven't you got a dress to try on?'

I looked behind me at the dress, and turned back to him with my own grin. 'Absolutely. And then, we have a ball to attend.'

======================================

Thankyou so much for reading, it's my first fic, so hopefully you liked it. Lmk what i can do to make future ones better of if theres anything you want me to do :)

#eleventh doctor #doctor who #x reader #reader insert #fem reader #anxitey #tw anxiety #fluff #comfort

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drawingducktalesducks · 2 years

Text

Parallels between the 79 A.D. eruption of Mt. Vesuvius, and Lena.

(includes speculation on the connection between her personal magic, the diamond bladed dagger, and the volcano she was born on)

In Regards To How Lena’s Life Happens To Resemble An Exploding Volcano-

In order to get the number one dime, Lena “forges” a Vesuvian diamond dagger, as stated by Magica.

(NOTE) The dagger’s blade is pale blue and bright.

Vesuvian refers to Mt. Vesuvius, the volcano.

Mount Vesuvius is where Magica attempted to trap Scrooge in his number one dime during a lunar eclipse, but was trapped herself instead, except for her shadow.

Magica then “cast a spy from her shadow” which became Lena.

Lena was created on Mt. Vesuvius.

Lena is described as a “shadow creature” or “shadow” by Magica.

Magica’s signature magic skill is the control and manipulation of shadows.

Despite being a shadow, created to do Magica's bidding, Lena forms her own personality and goals.

Her personal goal becomes freeing herself from Magica.

To do this, Magica tells her to steal the number one dime of Scrooge McDuck.

Lena also turns out to be a sorceress.

(NOTE) Lena’s personal magic, as a sorceress, is pale blue and bright.

She first activates her magic with Webby during the episode JAW$.

The JAW$ episode is when Lena and Magica find out that Scrooge keeps his number one dime worn around his neck.

The next episode to feature Lena is The Other Bin Of Scrooge McDuck.

The Other Bin of Scrooge McDuck opens with Lena, already having forged the Vesuvian diamond dagger on Magica’s orders, using it to saw through the uncuttable, enchanted quadraimond filament tying Scrooges dime to him while he sleeps.

(NOTE) Scrooge becomes suspicious when he discovers the filament to be damaged because anything that could do that “would have to be supernatural”.

(NOTE) Since the dagger was used specifically for cutting free the dime, Lena presumably “forged” it after the episode JAW$.

(NOTE) (LAST ONE I PROMISE) If Lena forged the dagger after JAW$, she would have already had her own personal magic while doing so, even if she was unaware of it.

The fraying of the quadraimond filament prompts Scrooge to store his dime in the other bin.

At Magica's insistence, Lena convinces Webby to go to the other bin and look for the dime.

While there, Lena encounters an enchanted dream catcher that forces her to live her worst nightmare, namely, being outed for her deception to Webby and then watching Webby die.

Waking up from this, Lena decides to leave the other bin without the dime.

When Magica insists they continue with the plan to get the dime, Lena refuses, choosing to give up her clearest chance of freedom by trying to inform Scrooge of Magica presence, despite the danger that would pose to Lena herself.

However, the closeness of the eclipse allows Magica to forcibly take over Lena's body instead.

(NOTE) (IM SORRY I LIED) None of this would have happened if Lena had not made the Vesuvian dagger and damaged the quadiamond filament with it.

Magica uses the term “forge” for Lena’s creation of the Vesuvian diamond dagger, instead of “create” or “craft”, despite the dagger having a crystal blade that would likely not normally be created by traditional smithing means.

Lena’s own skill set runs more towards deception and cunning, and yet she did not “find” or “steal” the dagger either.

However, if magic relies on connections between things to draw its power (a shadow sorceress being her most strong one a night when the last remaining large source of light, the moon, is shadowed by an eclipse), then “forging” a Vesuvian diamond dagger would also make logical sense.

Old records of Mount Vesuvius’ most famous eruption, which destroyed (among other things) the cities of Herculaneum and Pompeii, claimed (possibly for dramatic irony) that the disaster began on the 24th of August, the day after the festival of Vulcanalia.

Vulcanalia was a day to celebrate and sacrifice to the Roman god Vulcan.

Vulcan, in common Roman mythology, was the god of fire, including the fires of volcanos and forges.

While Vulcan was commonly depicted with a smith’s hammer, worship of him was often more focused on the destructive powers of fire, and appealing to Vulcan for protection from those dangers.

Conclusion:

In much the same way the people of doomed Herculaneum and Pompeii are said to have sacrificed to Vulcan the day before they were buried in the fires of Mount Vesuvius, Lena forges the Vesuvian dagger hoping it will lead to her being freed from her aunt, only for its use to start a chain reaction that led to Lena’s very body being taken over and possessed by the shadow of Magica De Spell.

Which, I would say, certainly fulfills the criteria for both irony and drama.

In Regards To Lena’s Magic, The Dagger, And Mount Vesuvius

As previously noted, both the Vesuvian diamond dagger and Lena’s personal sorceress magic share the same basic color and appearance (bright, pale blue).

This despite Magica being the one who “cast” Lena “from her shadow”, and Magica’s own magical color being purple.

Lena and the dagger were also either created on, or possibly with, materials from Mount Vesuvius.

Speculation:

Either Lena and the Vesuvian diamond dagger both get their supernatural powers from Mount Vesuvius

The Vesuvian diamond dagger was imbued with Lena’s personal magic before she even knew she had magic to imbue it with.

Questions That Remain!

1.) If both the Vesuvian dagger and Lena’s magic come from Mt. Vesuvius, then what (if any) is the connection between Mt. Vesuvius (and or Vulcan) and the color pale blue?

2.) If Lena’s magic and the dagger don’t get their power from Mt. Vesuvius, then why IS Lena’s magic blue, instead of some shade of purple like Magica’s?

3.) Is it coincidence that Lena’s name is often a short form of Helena, and through it, has the possible meaning of “Bright” “Shining” or “Torch”?

Lena: Nope. I picked it just to annoyed Magica.

Webby: Ooooh!

Violet: That does seem perfectly in keeping with your sardonic natural.

Webby: I think it’s sweet!

Lena: I’m a shadow named “light”. It’s soooo dumb. But like, it was the first thing that was mine, you know? Sentimental value and whatever. Rebel, resist, blah blah blah.

Webby: You’re an utterly beautiful rebel, Lena.

Violet: And on that note, perhaps this presentation should come to an end, before Webbigail strays onto the topic of-

Webby: OH OH I HAVE A SLIDE SHOW OF YOU BEING BEAUTIFUL AND REBELLIOUS!!!!

Lena: A slide show? Of me?

Violet: Alas.

Lena: Webby wait, when you say slide show, do mean like hand-drawn stuff not admissible in court or actual-

Webby: I HAVE ACTUAL PICTURES!

Lena: Of me-

Webby: Breaking and entering, petty theft, trespassing, defacing public and private property, also that one time with the soda pop machine-

Lena: You kept evidence of that stuff?!

Webby: And mementos!

Lena: You kept physical evidence linking me to that stuff!?!

Violet: I am ending this now, before my sister further incriminates herself.

Webby: WAIT

WAIT WAIT WAIT !!!

IF LENA’S NAME WAS THE FIRST THING SHE HAD THAT WAS COMPLETELY HERS-

AND HER NAME MEANS “SHINING”

AND SHE ONLY DISCOVERED HER MAGIC BY EXPLORING WHO SHE IS OUTSIDE OF MAGICA’S INFLUENCE-

THEN MAYBE THAT’S WHY HER MAGIC IS “BRIGHT”!!!

Violet: Self-actualization beyond her enforced identity solely as a shadow as a source of supernatural powers capable of allowing her to exist outside of the Shadow Realm, which then manifested in a way that symbolizes her first foray into independence from the constraints placed upon her?

Lena: What.

Webby: YES!

Violet: Brilliant.

Webby: I LIKE THE WORD “BRIGHT” BETTER BUT “BRILLIANT” WORKS TOO I GUESS!!!

Lena: She means you, Webby.

Webby: OH.

#Ducktales (2017)#Lena #Webby Vanderquack #Violet Sabrewing #speculation #headcanon - lena named herself just to piss off magica #this is what happens when you rewarch The Other Bin Of Scrooge McDuck #while listening to daisy dunn's book the shadow of vesuvius

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ocprompts · 10 months

Note

UHHHH HI. EXPLOSION EMOJI. love your blog btw :3 found it via sneep snorping through a follower of one of my sideblogs's tumblr (b!david is very cool)

SO BASICALLY i have these four little guys who are in a BAND together !! their names are BENNETT, PIPER, NATHOS, AND ASH !! i plan to make a videogame about them and one of my closest friends helped design two of them (more like redesign really, i made the four guys before i decided on them being in a band together and so their designs were all over the place and so i made their designs more coordinated with eachother, and my friend redesigned piper and ash with me mentioning the basic things i had in mind) (i also very slightly changed the redesigns (as in i literally just made ash's eyes purple to match with xer jacket color and some other tiny things HGJFIKM))

gonna just copy and paste their artfight bios here, wouldve done the links but you need an account to actually view the links HGANKFJN

Name: Bennett Hubbard Nickname/s: Benny Boy (jokingly) Age: 21 Birthday: November 3rd Species: Human Height: 6'2 Gender: Male Pronouns: he/him Sexuality: No one knows Relationship status: Single Occupation: Bassist for the band The Drawing Board, burger flipper on the side Personality: A bit blunt, but means well. Will stand up for what is right. Likes: Music, his friends, sweet and spicy food (not at the same time), bugs Dislikes: Ignorant people, pickles (will only eat them when he absolutely has to)

Name: Piper Cline Nickname/s: N/A Age: 21 Birthday: May 24th Species: Human Height: 5'5 Gender: Female Pronouns: she/her Sexuality: Pansexual Relationship status: Single Occupation: Keyboardist for the band The Drawing Board, repairwoman on the side Personality: A bit shy at first, but once she knows you well enough, she'll trust you with her life! She's a bit of a nerd. Likes: Music, her friends, science Dislikes: Pretty much anything wet and squishy. Sensory issues </3

Name: Nathos McBride Nickname/s: Nate, Natorade Age: 21 Birthday: July 14th Species: Human Height: 6'4 Gender: Male (transmasc) Pronouns: he/it Sexuality: Pansexual Relationship status: Single Occupation: Drummer for the band The Drawing Board, side job TBD Personality: Super sweet! He's calm and collected, and ready to take on anything, as long as it isn't too caught off guard by anything that comes across. Likes: Music, its friends, stuffed animals Dislikes: Rude and arrogant people

Name: Ash Lopez Nickname/s: N/A Age: 21 Birthday: February 16th Species: Human Height: 6'4 Gender: Non-binary Pronouns: xe/xem Sexuality: Greysexual Relationship status: Single Occupation: Guitarist for the band The Drawing Board, side job TBD Personality: Literally the silliest guy ever. Chronic practical joker. Likes: Music, xer friends, bright colors Dislikes: Being taken advantage of

i also put the 4 of them into separate rps !! the one bennett is in is the only one thats started. also that where i got the nickname benny boy from (but the things that happen in their respective rps arent considered canon, more like an au, also that would be wayyy too much trauma to stuff into them when im already gonna give them trauma in the videogame story itself HGAKFJNDCJKM)

ANYWAY !! here they are, bennett piper nathos and ash respectively :] formatting is bad so have One Giant Ash

and heres piper and ash, drawn by @pastel-bleu-art !!!

a bit hard to tell from the pics (ILL MAKE A BETTER REF SOMEDAY ...) but piper is a bit chubby :] ANYWAY thats about all i have to say about em because i dont wanna say too much because of GAME SPOILERS ... but just. quick synopsis: they are chosen by the great goddess oda to save the universe by defeating the cacophonous six !! but shit goes down. oh and btw i feel that it's important to mention that they are essentially weezer but gay /silly

i LOVE gay and silly people <2

#oc show and tell #asks #noonbeam17 #not an oc prompt

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ikeupedia · 10 months

Text

pairings. classmate! Riki x fem reader

sypnosis. reader is about to confess to riki but someone did it first.

wc. 0.7k

genre. a tiny little bit of angst

warnings. cliffhanger, swear words

note. this is my first time writing 😭😭 so it might be a lil corny 🏃‍♀️ tell me if i did anything wrong?

italicized texts - thoughts

MAY 24TH, the day you and riki met. usually both of you would celebrate it, but since exams are coming, you arent sure if you guys would be able to celebrate

You won't lie you do miss riki alot, it's been awhile since both of you hung out. stupid exams

"God I can't wait for the exams to end, I'm so drained from studying." you say as you pack your things from the library and leave. I wonder if riki and I will be able to celebrate? Lost in your own thoughts, you did not notice your surroundings and bumped into someone.

thump

"ow-" you said. You were about to fall when a certain person catched you.

"be careful y/n" you look up to see... riki, such perfect timing you thought to yourself

"Thanks riki.. sorry for bumping into you" ill use this opportunity to ask if we could celebrate..

"It's no problem y/nie" riki says.

"i was thinking if we could celebrate? for you know.." I say as i look on his lips, fighting the urge to kiss him. if only i could confess but i'm scared of ruining of our friendship

"oh sur-" he was about to reply when someone called him.

"Riki!" his friend calls him. "What's up man? You still down for later?"

Riki stands there frozen, shit i forgot about my plans with jake.. i'll just celebrate with y/n tomorrow he thinks

"yeah jake, you don't have to tell me twice" he rolls his eyes.

the atmosphere gets awkward as you watch them interact with eachother, i guess he's busy today, we'll just celebrate another time.

Riki then turns to you, staring at you with those eyes you love most. If he keeps staring at me like that im gonna melt

"hey um.. i'm a bit busy today but we can celebrate tomorrow though? If you're cool with that" the boy says

"oh yeah totally! Im fine with it, I understand.." I am not fine, its been days since you guys hung out! Yet he chooses to be with jake rather than celebrating with you

Feeling dejected, you walk away and go home to call jungwon

jw: so, have you confessed yet?

y/n: no.. im too scared, what if i ruin our friendship?

jw: come on y/n.. you know it's not healthy to bottle your feelings up, it's best if you just confess already!

y/n: it's not that easy wonie.. I don't even think he likes me back

jw: it'll be fine y/nie..

jw: i have to go now ill see you tomorrow

y/n: alright.. bye won!

you sigh, jungwon always had your back and you were grateful for it. At some point you feel that you like jungwon a bit..

crushing on jungwon?!

why would i even like jungwon? Ive been curshing on riki for almost a year.. now that i see it, jungwon always had a way to make me smile.. his cat eyes..

"I shouldnt be thinking of this." I shake my head. what is wrong with me? Maybe jungwon is the one afterall

--- MAY 25, after exams

"okay this is it" i'm finally going to confess, he might reject but i don't care anymore. Im going to try my shot

I walk through the halls looking for riki "where the hell is that kid" i was having a hard time finding him since it's crowded..

"found him!" I quickly run to him but abruptly stopped due to what i saw..

Riki was kissing another girl!

I guess I was too late.. I immediately try to walk away but i guess he saw me

"Y/n!" well shit

i turn around and see riki waving at me with his hands around that girls shoulder. Every step i take towards them shatters my heart

"hey riki!" i say trying not to sound broken, tears are starting to form

"are you okay? you look like you're about to cry.." Goddamn he noticed

"oh it's just about the exams, i got a low score" great lie y/n

"just so you know grades dont define you okay?"

"yeah i know.." i cant stand it anymore.. i feel like im about to burst into tears

"also meet my girlfriend!" wow girlfriend huh.. i feel my heart drop, i guess i really am too late

"congrats riki! you better treat her right, anyways i have to go bye!" i say as i run away from the both of them

i arrive home balling my eyes out, i call the first person that comes into my mind..

Jungwon

JUNGWON AND READER END UP BEING TOGETHER?????!? who knows

#jungwon #riki x y/n #riki nishimura #enhypen #riki enhypen #enhypen fanfiction #enhypen x reader #nishimura niki #niki x reader #ni ki x y/n #ni ki enhypen #niki smau

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ronkeyroo · 2 years

Text

FALLS OUT OF OBLIVION// Its...muh birthday ;A;

Folks, hey!!!!

I know i’ve been absent for awhile again, im going through a mini hiatus to take care of my mental & physical health while taking social media at an easier, slower pace before coming back full force ;; Its been so tough for me to reach out to people due to the intensity of it all, which is why it might still take me a bit to get back to unanswered messages right away, BUT!!! Despite that, i’ve got some good news to share!

Today im celebrating my 24th birthday!!! And that means I GET TO SHARE IN THE JOY AND OPEN A FUN, SMALL ART EVENT FOR YOU FOLKS! :’D I haven't even been a year on tumblr and yet i’ve already met so many wonderful, exciting and creative friends & mutuals in my short time here...You’ve all been such a tender presence in my life, I want to treat you back for all of the fun times and memories we’ve had together, as for me that is the greatest gift i could ever ask for ♥ I’ve already been working on a few things for a couple of wonderful people (👀) But i want the rest to join in as well, so if we’re mutuals, feel free to submit over your preferred OC’s (Can be either personal, or fandom related ocs! Furry/humanoid, everything works!) for a small birthday party adventure I’ll be drawing!

(For my non mutual, dear followers who’s been hyping me over, supporting, and enjoying my art - You have so much of my love as well so please also feel free to send in suggestions of something you like that you’d love to see from me in the future! Realistically, i wont be able to get to ALL of them, but i will have a nice little mine of ideas to pick from when I’m feeling the artsy mood ♥)

Regardless, Thank you all so so much for everyone who’s been such a tender, loving and kind person to me...I know we didn't get to speak much the past months with how much i’ve been struggling, but you still reside in my thoughts as well as my heart ;_;) And once I sort myself out, im coming back to ya’ll BIG TIME to catch up from where we left off!

Eheheh...For now, before me and my loved ones head out to celebrate, i’ll spam you with some good ol’ content I finally got the time to finish 👀✨

See you when i’m back, and stay awesome!!! 💖

#HOWLS LOUDLY #ART TIME!!!#If the werewolf celebrates I INVITE YOU ALL TO EAT CAKE!#ARTISTICALLY!#WITH OUR OCS!#ky jule and nani you have already made an appereance aND I CANT WAIT TO SHOW YOU #AS WELL AS SCREAM AT YOU WITH ALL OF MY LOVE ONCE I GET THE TIME TO GET BACK ON DISCORD Q_Q #i have so so much i have to say...#im just #so so grateful to be surrounded by so many wonderful people..#i love my friends and i love the skyrim community so much #thank you so so dearly for everything #i cant wait to treat you all back!!#lets do this!#AND IM SO EXCITED TO SPEND THE WEEKEND WITH MY PARTNER AND FRIENDS Q_Q WE'RE TRAVELING SOMEPALCE VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL AND GAGHHH #being able to draw by the oasis...so incredibly close to egypt...im gonna be in my element #if i dont burn to a crisp hueheu #but alas #its gonna be great!#ill be back! see you very soon!#for now - enjoy the spam

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french-croissant · 1 year

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Hey so I'm back with another vent-

Tw for sh, suicidal thoughts, and shit like that-

Please ignore this if you don't wanna deal with a vent lol

Why is it so hard being clean from self harm? Like god damn, it has been around month and a half and I already wanna go back-

I made a goal to not self harm before the 24th purely so I can be clean for a concert I'm going to. The sad thing is, I have almost failed my goal a few times now and one of the times I literally had to get a little drunk purely just so I wouldn't cut up my wrist. I know where the knife I use to use is, my parents didn't even notice when it disappeared for like a month. I just have to keep hoping that I don't have a really bad day or a really stressful assignment because if I do, my wrist is gonna HURT-

Also like, why must suicidal thoughts show up right in the middle of class. LIKE IM JUST TRYING TO FOCUS IN PAINTING AND THEN ITS JUST LIKE "OH, WHAT IF YOU GO JUMP IFF A ROOF OR SONE SHIT." THERE WAS ALSO A TIME DURING SCIENCE WHERE MY BRAIN WAS JUST LIKE "HMMMM, YOU SHOULD GI BASH YOUR HEAD INTO A WALL UNTIL YOUR SKULL CRACKS! OH, YOU SHOULD STAB YOURSELF RIGHT THROUGH THE CENTER OF YOUR EYE. HEY, YOU SHOULD GO TAKE ALL THE PILLS IN YOUR HOME." I'm just trying to do my damn work in piece and then my brain does some shit like that. I have no plan to commit suicide any time soon, but my brain keeps braining those things-

#vent #sh vent #yeah idk #sorry for being depressing #I didn't spell check this btw-

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endermahn · 1 year

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BIRTHDAY HCS.

I haven’t searched these up so if theres any confirmed ones other than Wednesday’s id love to know.

Also I dont care much for signs but have a small gist for a few since people around me are very into them (ik theres like a sun and moon like in pokemon)

NONE OF THE GIFS ARE MINE.

End of the year since Wednesday’s is closer to the start and it wasn’t celebrated in this season.

Shes already 16 since shes in the same year as Wednesday and the time the school year breaks up.

I want to say shes a Cancer but i know she isn’t since the timing wouldnt work. Giving Leo vibes? I dont even know at this point im to tired for this.

HES 17.

Im not debating on this. Ever since it came out ive deduced he is 17.

LEO.

“Why?” Because he isnt in school and has a job, he seems inexperienced from the fact he couldn’t work the coffee machine.

Also, he dates Wednesday at once point, so he cant be 18+.

So he’s probably taking his work experience since he has to be in some sort of education until hes 18.

Again, hes not in school so he has to be older than 16, since we know Wednesday’s year is kind of ending he cant be in her grade/year even if he went to a different school.

But being 18 would be a bit odd to be interested in someone you’ve known from being 15

(just weird to think a legal adult knew a 15 yr old, watched them turn 16 then dated them for like 40 seconds. Im not even sure if its legal where they are for that to work)

HE IS 17 GUYS.

I WILL DIE ON THE HILL THAT HES AN AUGUST KID.

I dont care what sign that lines up with. He was born in august. (Or April, I can see him being born on the 24th of august or april)

Pisces. Idk what month that is but i know she it.

Idk her actual age bc she could be anywhere from 16-100000

Feb-march.. the a pisces but shes born in December. Like shes either a sag or a cap, but i know her moon or something is a Pisces.

SOMEWHERE IN HER THERES A PISCES.

I dont know but i want him here

16, Hes either December or October.

Complains about his b day being close to Christmas if its in December

if its in October then he likes it bc its like getting a bunch of gifts from strangers (He goes trick or treating still, he doesn’t care)

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manicgoblin · 1 year

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picked up some ❄️ last night and hung with squad. watched scary movies and cackled together all night. ended up staying over with Elliott and watching lilo and stitch together in bed. we had v vulnerable convo after sex about new fantasies and things to explore in the bedroom together, how life is going for us in general, how we've both been feeling low and mentally off our game lately, how we crave community and new and exciting adventures in our daily lives. it was very tender and endearing. im glad we can talk the way we do. we told each other new childhood stories. I opened up about my sadness for the holidays and my birthday tmrw and he rubbed my back while I talked. he gave me the tightest hug after and told me we'll plan a friends day for Christmas. Said that I should stay the night on the 24th and spend time with everyone who's still home. hes good to me, but he's not always good to himself, and that hurts us both sometimes. Its the same with me. we're both a bit (a big bit) of a work in progress, but still our friendship continues to grow. our connection is deeply important to us both, especially at this time of our lives. I'm very grateful for him. he told me that his life here in Maine would look very different if I wasn't here that I really help him feel more at home and cared for at a time in his life where he's struggling to feel connected to the people who love him. he thanked me and reiterated that he's got my back too. we are planning to rent out a pottery studio together so he can teach me how to work with clay, and he can get back into his artistic grind, and we also are planning some volunteer days at a soup kitchen downtown. we both have been struggling w execution lately, so I said why not try it together? I told him my biggest hurdle tends to be going it alone, not that I can't, just that it feels scary and also sad to not have anyone around to share new things with. he understood. he was excited and appreciative for the suggestion. he just dropped me off at home, but he'll pick me up in the am to make breakfast and start the day with squad. we're gonna venture to a new lighthouse as a lil unit, which makes my heart v full. I love lighthouses. I've seen all the landlocked ones in this area already, so this will be another added to the list. then we're squading back up at the boys house, drinking/partying, playing the new we are not really strangers deck I bought, probably some other card games, and dancing all night. ru's meeting us at squad house after work, and I'm bringing my polaroids, so I can add new ones to my fridge. I think this time I'll let some other people take some pictures, so I can be in them too haha. I want to remember this birthday. I always let them go by so fast. I don't want to think about them. I tell myself I hate celebrating, but fuck I'm 25 now. I want this one to feel good and warm, and I want tangible proof of the love I witness with the people in my life this time around. I'm v grateful to be spending it with all of them. I do wish deeply that cherise and sunmi could be here, but I'll see them again soon. Makes my heart ache to not be near them. It would be so nice if Sam could come down from Acadia too, but I'm sure I'll see them all again soon. For now, I'll make the best of what I've got, and cherish the day with my friends that can be here. The emotional whiplash will be heavy tmrw, I know this. I warned squad I'll probably be emotional and moody throughout the day, but I'm very appreciative of them being there with me anyways, just witnessing and experiencing it with me. allowing me to grieve and celebrate in the ways that come up. Here's to making it another year I didn't think possible. To being as sad and grateful as I've ever been. To having all the freedom I've ever dreamed of in the palm of my hands, and simultaneously the most roadblocks right in front of me. To forging on anyway. To love, to love, to love.

#personal #e

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raamitsu · 2 years

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i also think that mitsuya wont die because a chance to be a sacrifice doesnt seem to make sense i feel like if someone was about to be a victim then i think no one will see it coming since it will be too fast also isnt he down right now ?? if he comes back up then im pretty sure so will the others and in the prev vision we saw that would be the time the train and stuff are supposed to fall on them but im assuming it wont and they are safe from that thanks to kakucho and michi.. but i am curious whats happening with them instead are they going to fight mikey hanma and benwaka? i had a feeling hanma will meddle where sanzu was though not sure .. also which chp will this sketch probably be in im trying to calculate djdhajhska

Sorry for the late reply, dear Anon! I wonder if you're the same "long text" anon...

Actually when I think about it, you're right about mitsuya not having to be the second (and probably the last?) sacrifice since he and the other three members were down fighting hanma, and considering takemichi and kakucho worked together to stop haruchiyo on the spot - thanks to takemichi's future sight - we can safely convinced at some point the event was successfully prevented. mitchi's future sight has become a dependable ability, but even that kind of ability has its risk.

what i am trying to say here is that right now it might seemed as if mitsuya and the rest of the gang members are saved from those flying crates but there's no telling what would happened afterwards since the field of view of his future vision is pretty limited.

remember what happened to draken? that's the risk of takemichi's vision i was talking about. as far as i know, takemichi receives a vision of ONLY one person that is fated to die in the past, where the individual is either on the verge of dying or already dead, and the fact that even as a manga reader, who had no idea that draken would've been taken as an exchange for senju (though i understood the symbolisms that were implied) takemichi also had no idea about having to "sacrifice" someone else in order to save the other, cuz i don't think there's a way he would've known UNLESS he is self-aware. ironically, the exchange was made with a person that escaped death many times and yes, this happened with draken. unfortunately there will be no redemption for him after this.

about the sketch, last time toman_official dropped a raw sketch of an eye was on April 21st, then we got the answer behind it on chapter 254 which was released on May 24th, so if we don't include public holiday, that means it'll take four weeks and half to reveal it :) but maybe the day of its revelation is unpredictable. who knows, right? hehe.

#ur ask has been answered <333 #anon ask : done!#tokyo revengers #tr 254 #tr spoilers #tokrev #tokyorev

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babithyn · 6 months

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august 27th, 2023

tw~ ed/mental health/rant

Its been a while… im currently 31weeks pregnant. this pregnancy has been extremely difficult.

Ive had a lot of stuff happen within the past four months. I moved in with my boyfriend. I got put on medical leave from work. My cars engine flooded. My mental health plummeted. My ED has reared its ugly head. Its just been a lot.

I feel like a burden to my boyfriend. He pays all the bills while all i do is sit at home. I have no source of income so i cant contribute to anything. I’ve been relying on my mom to pay my phone bill. Relying on my boyfriend to keep a roof over our head. all i can contribute is food stamps which i only got approved for last month.

In my 2nd trimester i started binge eating… im not sure if it was the change in my body or just my binge ED hitting me full force. but now that im in my 3rd trimester im barely eating one meal a day. Again i cant tell if its the pregnancy or my ED.

I fo know that my body dysmorphia is extremely bad at the moment. I cant even look at myself i. the mirror without crying. Logically I know im just pregnant but a voice in the back of my head is screaming at me that im fat and that its not just me being pregnant…

Im so sad all the time. And i honestly just want a hug and some comforting words. but i know i cant get that. My bf gets mad when i cry or even just say im sad. So at night when he’s sleeping i just silently cry next to him. or while he’s at work or the gym i sob uncontrollably.

We have some really bad fights sometimes that just destroys me. He says things like “i dont even really know you” or “you barely know me”… … … weve been together for almost 9months now. I’ve been so open with him from the beginning i even recently opened up to him about my ED when we first started dating. I try to tell him small stuff about me and it feels like he doesnt pay attention. He doesmt open up very much to me but i know a decent amount about him. of course we will never know everything about the people we love. there is always something to learn about the people we love and care about. shit im still learning things about my own mom and she’s my mom.

It sometimes feels like he doesnt want to be with me… like the only thing keeping him with me is our unborn daughter… which hurts because i love him so much… And recently he hasnt wanted to be intimate with me… which if course not only hurts but it makes me doubt myself. and i already feel ugly and fat but now… it just feels so much more real.

I crave affection from him so much that last night i had a dream that we went on a cute date. we got matching shoes and we held hands with each other and he called me pretty. but of course even my dream decided to attack me because right before i woke up a random person in my dream walked up to me telling me i was a horrible girlfriend. so my cute dream turned into a nightmare real quick. as per usual…

i miss my dogs… i know random and stupid to most people. but my dogs are my everything. i love them more than anything. Ive raised them since they were puppies. ive had dogs my entire life. there wasnt one second of my life where i didnt have at least one dog in my house.

And dogs lives are so short that being away from my babies for so long is painful.

October 24th, 2023

I never got to finish this post. I don’t remember why but I opened tumblr and it was the first thing i saw.

To continue what I was saying. I miss my dogs. And thats doubled even more now. Since writing this I’ve lost two of my dogs.

My 16 year old golden retriever passed due to old age. She wouldve been 17 this month. Ive had her since she was a puppy so even though it was expected it doesn’t hurt any less.

I also lost my 7 year old chihuahua. She got attacked by two other large dogs and the only way we wouldve been able to save her was with a $7k experimental surgery. I broke down and begged my followers on instagram, snapchat, and tiktok for help. But was only able to raise $50 between gofundme and cashapp. The next morning she passed and i was distraught.

Not only did i lose another one of my best friends but i still owed $3k in vet bills. I didnt take it well and a month later i still sob thinking about her. Shit i cant even type this without crying.

It’s been hard.

My due date is this saturday and im not okay if I’m being honest. I feel like im going to have really bad postpartum depression.

I feel lost. It’s hard to comprehend that im going to be a mom. That im going to have a little human dependent on me for the rest of my life.

Do that get me wrong, I love her. I love her so much already… but am i going to be a good mom? Am I going to raise her well? Are me and my boyfriend going to be good parents. Are we going to be able seal with the stress together?

There are so many variables that have me scared, stressed, and anxious.

On another note my body dismorphia makes me want to die. I have gained almost 70lbs this pregnancy. at my highest i weighed 248lbs. Ive lost 8lbs which i dont know how to feel about. So my current weight is 240lbs without fasting.

I hate it. And it hurts because I can see it. I physically can see the fat right bellow my gigantic baby bump. I can see the outrageous amount of stretch marks. I can feel the fat and stretch marks and not just when i tough them with my hands. The stretch marks sting, they feel like cuts on my stomach. It almost feels like fresh SH cuts.

This whole year has been traumatizing. This whole pregnancy has been traumatizing. Ive always wanted more than one kid but at this point i dont think my mental health could handle another pregnancy.

I have a feeling Im going to relapse with my ED after I give birth. I already have the urges to do so. Which isn’t good because I recently became hypoglycemic again.

To those who font know what that is. It’s pretty much early onset diabetes. Which was caused by my ED.

Ive struggled with binge eating, an0r3x14, and bul1m14 since the early age of 9. Going back and forth between the three on since.

That’s caused my blood sugar to be unable to regulate like a normal person. If I dont eat for longer than 5hours my blood sugar drops into the 40’s (normal is between 70 and 100) and when I eat the highest its gotten was 150 and thats after eating practically straight sugar.

So in simple terms my body produces to much insulin which can make me insulin resistant in the future.

i know this was long and all over the place. Especially since its months of stress thats piled up. I could type more but im honestly exhausted and will probably just make a separate post at a later date.

As always thank you for coming to my ted talk. Be safe take care of yourselves much love 🖤🖤🖤

#4norexi4 #notprojustusingthetags #ana trigger #disordered eating thoughts #tw ana diary #tw ed diet

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janedoe-ing · 2 years

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i failed my jpj test.

so basically on the 24th, i went for my jpj test and yeah i failed as what the title says.

so firstly, we did the registration stuff bla bla bla, then we had to wait and i made a few friends there too meanwhile waiting for our turns lol. at first we had to stay for jalan raya test, but then since its too late so my row had to go for rpk and rsm first. yada yada yada, fast forward and all, did all the stuff. surprisingly, i mean i have heard from people that the pegawai doesn't really care about what we said and stuff, but when i did it during that time, we have to do it around 8 people at one time (which is SUPER crowded) and for sure, i don't think they even hear us lol.

fun fact: i did forgot to hon the car during rsm so lol but the officer didn't really realise it so i just went with the flow lmao. then suddenly we had to do litar. i passed bukit, ramp and fucked up at side parking.

ok so here's the thing that still made me upset and angry at myself (until now), i, at first actually managed to get the car in the spot even though its senget and my dumbass wanted to correct it to a better angle, and guess what? my tyre suddenly went A LITTLE BIT on the back line of the parking spot. like SHIT bro. like i swear to god the tyre was ABOUT to get on the line and not yet ON IT. but the officer has already asked me to get out and shit.

i was so mad that i just accepted what it is, and now i have to wait another month for another test. like holy shit. and a lot of my friends are having their tests too and they passed, which im happy for them. but you know, deep down you're still blaming and hating yourself for what just happened. maybe because i hated that place and had high hopes of coming there for the last time AND i have a high expectation to settle in one time but i guess, luck is not on my side that time.

it was super tiresome to the point i missed 3 prayer times because i overslept during the whole time (oh God please forgive me), but don't worry i've qadha' it :D i mean... imagine staying there from 9 to 5???? also i had to pay another rm210 just for another goddamn test.. i hope i REALLY passed the next time... my L license are expiring for good in october so i better get my shit done fast.

but overall, even though i am still deceiving myself, i try to look at the positive side of it, where i knew how the process works and i wasn't as scared and nervous anymore compared to my qti and this test lol. and i was having a really bad day and literally went through all the stages of grief in an hour (which i think i still don't process properly) especially yesterday.

talked it out with umi and yeah, im trying to forget about it now. and i want to say thank you to my friends for comforting me and taking care of me when i was unstable ;-; yall da realest <3

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whosaskingwrites · 4 years

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Forget You (Kuroo x Reader)

A/N: This one is told entirely from Kuroos pov except for the very beginning. Because, Reader's pov wouldn't have been sad. As she doesn't remember him by the time they see eachother again. Edit: Y'all deadass let me not have the theme in here since the 24th. The theme has been added as of the 29th.

WARNINGS: None really? Angst Kuroo is a sad boy. Tooth rotting fluff from Bokuto i guess if that counts as a warning. Kuroo yells at you in the beginning.

Date: Saturday October 24th, 2020

Details: 5.5 pages 2,040 words

Theme: Stranger- when you get heartbroken you have the option of forgetting the person who caused the heart break as long as you say the word stranger with enough conviction while thinking about the person you want to forget.

Angst masterlist

“I can’t fucking stand you! Why are you so Goddamn annoying!” I took a step back as I looked at Kuroo “All I asked was to meet your friends! Since you talk about them all the time!” I yelled back. I didn’t know what had made him so mad we had been dating for six months having been roommates previously.

“And I told you no so why didn’t you accept that?” I shook my head “Actually you just started yelling at me-" “God see! You always have to be fucking right about everything!” I flinched as his voice raised more “You know what? Get the fuck out,” I looked up at him “w-what?” I voiced “Get your shit and get out I don’t wanna see you again. I’m breaking up with you,” My other roommate Kenma had finally come out of his room at that “Hey Kuroo-" I held up my hand to stop Kenma “No…its okay i-i'll leave but I’m leaving my stuff here until I have a new place. Kenma I leave it in your care,” my voice was shaky as I turned.

“Y/n…,” I shook my head at Kenma “I…I’ll see you later Kenma. Kuroo,” I turned a glare on him to see he was already glaring at me “I hope I never fucking see you again,” I turned on my heel leaving the apartment with heavy footsteps. It was sunset and my feet carried me to the trains I took a random one and let my feet carry me as I ended up at park. I had no idea where I was but I couldn’t find myself to care as I cried.

I wiped my tears slightly thinking about Kuroo and I knew then I didn’t want him to occupy my thoughts anymore. I looked at the sunset and focused before saying the word with as much conviction and venom as I could muster. “Stranger,” I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes.

More tears leaked out of my eyes when I recalled my roommate Kenma had kicked me out of our apartment. “Where am I?” I whispered sighing as I realized my phone was dead.

“Excuse me…Are you okay?” I turned my head looking at a guy who stood next to the bench. He had what appeared to be silver and black hair his head tilted slightly to the side casting half his face in the dying sunlight. I vaguely noticed that his eyes were gold and seemed to glow despite no light being cast on them. “I…I think so?” I voiced as I looked back at him.

“You think so? Why are you crying in the park then?” He got closer and sat on the other side of the bench. “My roommate kicked me out of our apartment and my phone is dead so…,” I looked away as he hummed “Um…You could stay at my place,” I turned back to look at him with wide eyes. “I don’t even know your name and you’re asking me to stay at your place? Do you know that makes you sound like a serial killer?” He laughed suddenly eyes crinkling in mirth.

“Sorry I’ve been told I’m too nice by my teammates. Im Bokuto Koutarou,” He held out a hand giving me a smile. I took his hand and mirrored the smile “Y/n L/n. You’re on a sports team?” His smile widened suddenly and in his excitement he pulled me closer still holding onto my hand “Yeah! Volleyball I play for the MSBY Black Jackals,” he puffed his chest with a sense of pride causing me to laugh.

“Volleyball huh? Sounds like fun,” He nodded rapidly “It is! You should come to one of my games- ah sorry! I’ve been talking about me when you’re the one who’s sad,” I shook my head with a smile as he let go of my hands eyes wide in panic “Its okay. I’m not sad anymore but I think I will take you up on that offer as long as you promise not to hurt me,” I held up my pinky towards him giggling lightly.

He smiled widely hooking his pinky with my own “I promise. This will be the best adventure of your life,” I nodded at him “I’ll hold you too that Bokuto,” He chuckled at me

“Deal Y/n,”

Two years.

It had been two years since I’d seen the love of my life. I regretted it everyday since our argument and Kenma never made me feel better about it. “No she never talks about you or asks. And I don’t bring you up,” was the last thing he told me when I asked about her. I never meant to yell or kick her out and I’d never forgiven myself for it. She had blocked my number fairly quickly and Kenma never told me where she was.

“Hey Kuroo pay attention to the game,” Kenma voiced causing me to zone back in and stop thinking about Y/n. I sighed “Why are we even here?” I asked watching Bokuto preform a cross-shot that had the audience screaming. “Bokuto said he wanted to say something and he wanted all of us there,” I shrugged “He’s probably just gonna tell us that he’s got a spot on the Japanese Olympics team,” I sighed out while Kenma clicked his tounge. “Sure…,” I looked at him “Kenma do you know something I don’t?” Before he could answer the whistle blew announcing the Black Jackals as the winners of the match.

Kenma stood “Let’s go congratulate them,” I stood with him as he walked off “Hey you didn’t answer the question!” He kept a quick pace ahead of me while I followed. We stepped onto the court Kenma immediately going to Hinata I couldn’t see Bokuto but my eyes caught sight of a familiar face standing by the Miya twins. She laughed at something Atsumu said and laughed harder when Osamu added something that caused Atsumu to glare at him.

I gasped as I looked at her she looked just as beautiful as she did the last time I saw her. H/l h/c hair cascaded down her back her e/c eyes sparkled brightly like gems she wore a Black Jackals jersey and a pair of jeans both of which hugged her figure in just the right way. I let my feet carry me towards her knowing I needed to apologize. I didn’t know why she was here but Kenma probably invited her so I could see her.

“Y/n!” I called when I was close enough she turned her eyes meeting mine. I expected many emotions to pass her face in all the times I pictured seeing her again. Anger, sadness, happiness, etc. But confusion was never one that crossed my mind. “I’m sorry…Do I know you?” she asked causing my eyes to widen in shock. “No…You couldn’t have…,” I voiced quietly. She stared at me offering a slight smile but nowhere in her expression did I see any form of recognition. And I knew then she had forgotten me entirely.

I smiled back realizing I could start over with her “Sorry I’m Kuroo Tetsuro…You’re very beautiful,” her face turned pink slightly and the Miya twins laughed. Suddenly I saw familiarity light up her eyes and I smiled thinking she remembered me. “Oh! I know you! You’re the friend that Kou always wants me to meet! He gets so sad everytime you blow him off,” she frowned slightly at the end. Causing me to frown as I realized she really didn’t remember. But I also frowned at the name it was vaguely familiar though I couldn’t place where. “Kou?” I mumbled quietly to myself.

“Excuse me! Can I have everyone’s attention?” the gym quieted down everyone knew Bokuto was announcing something so most of the audience had stayed to listen. We all turned to the source of the voice and I noted that he looked beyond nervous for whatever he planned to say.

“I’d like for my beautiful girlfriend to come here,” The twins suddenly shoved Y/n forward causing her to stumble a bit but she walked forward anyway. I froze as the name connected in my mind on why its so familiar 'Kou…Koutarou' 'She calls me Kou and its so cute!' I saw her stop next to him and they smiled at each other “Oh fuck,” I whispered to myself as Kenma slid over. Bokuto was fidgeting slightly and rocking on the balls of his feet a telling sign that he was anxious.

“I’ve got something to say and I’ve thought about it for awhile,” he sent a reassuring smile at her when he noticed she looked nervous. He took a deep breath before continuing “Two years ago I found you crying in a park. I remember you told me that your roommate kicked you out and you called me a serial killer,” she turned red as he and others laughed.

I realized then that the day they met was the same day we broke up. “I took a leap of faith that day and told you that you could stay with me even though I had no reason to,” He chucked lightly at the pink dusting her cheeks “At the time I never would predicted that by the six month mark I would have fallen in love with you,” I frowned at the collective aw leaving the audiences mouths. 'That should be me' I thought as I watched the two of them.

“And after a year and a half I’ve decided that I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy. I want to wake up with you next to me, I want to laugh at everything and nothing with you, I want to spend nights with you wrapped in my arms as we talk about whatever comes to mind,” a pink flush had taken over his face and from behind me I heard a sniffle.

“Tsumu are you crying?” I heard “Shut the fuck up Samu,” Kenma snorted next to me at the twins. “I want these things because I’m so completely and Irrevocably in love with you so…,” I watched Bokutos eyes flicker to Akaashi who nodded at him. He dropped to one knee and everything became a buzz as I zoned in on Y/n the audience gasping was barely audible to me as I watched her cover her mouth with her hand her eyes were bright and glassy and every fiber of my being screamed at me to stop this. ‘Get her back! Stop him!’ my mind screamed. I couldn’t move though I was frozen on the spot feeling like id just been doused with freezing cold water.

“Will you do me the honor of continuing this adventure and marry me?” I could hear Bokuto but it sounded so distant to me. ‘No! Say no!’ My mind screamed louder but I felt my heart crack as she nodded in response. He got back up to wrap his arms around her picking her up he spun her around a few times and buried his face in the crook of her neck pressing light kisses to her shoulder.

‘Get away from her!’ I shook my head as I watched him slip a silver band on her finger. I caught sight of the f/c gem attached to it. It was surrounded by small yellow gems that matched Bokuto's eyes. He kissed her cheek as everyone cheered and congratulated them. She pulled back pulling out a small envelope and pressing it into his hands. He looked at her and opened it before his eyes lit up even more. He whispered something to her to which she nodded at. His excitement couldn’t be contained as he picked her up again “I’m gonna be a dad!” He didn’t need the mic this time plenty loud enough without it but it reignited the audience’s excitement as they screamed again.

He placed her down wrapping an arm around her waist and finally I watched my entire world shatter and heart crumble as the love of my life kissed her fiancé and father of her children.

‘That should have been me'

————————————————————————

TAGLIST: @wonhomarshmallow

#haikyu #haikyu x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!!#kuroo tetsuro #kuroo x reader #kuroo angst #bokuto koutarou #bokuto x reader #bokuto fluff #WhosaskingAngst

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I forgot to send on my voting story. Ok so my brother and I both got mail in ballots, and let me tell you how we both forgot to mail it in so we just thought to bring them to our voting location. The lady there kinda yelled at us? She was confused and didn't know how to go about it. And honestly I just took it because we were the idiots who didn't mail in our ballots. We had to rip them up and they just us new ones to fill out in person and submit. Not exciting, but a story for void snippet. 👀

Anonymous said: Hi!! I'm so excited for void! I voted today around 30 minutes before the polls closed in my neighborhood because I had to wait for my dad and brother to get home from work since they wanted to go all together hehe. It was a pretty fast process! We just pressed buttons on screens (compared to last election where we had to bubble in everything by hand) plus, I got to keep the stylus that they gave us and it works on phones too! 🥰🥰 Thank you! I love your writing so much 💜💜💜

Anonymous said: I did mine through mail me and my husband did and we went to the post office a little while back and then he took us on a nice little date afterward and we got ice cream! Also I love void💖 keep up the good work

Anonymous said: VOTES FOR VOID??? I love democracy and I love VOID! So since May I've (temporarily) moved back home from New York to Indiana RE: covid; I've voted absentee for the both the primaries and presidential election (I'm still in IN rn...blah). I voted early and mailed in my ballot for the presidential election (about 3 weeks ago). Made sure my family was voting (brother mailed it in, mom dropped off a ballot, and dad did early voting) and encourage them to put up a Biden sign in our yard <3

Anonymous said: HI BEE! I ALSO VOTED TODAY! IM 21 SO THIS IS MY FIRST TIME VOTING FOR THE PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION (my 18th bday didnt make the cutoff since im a december bday) im so happy to have done my part! I made sure to study up on the judges and policies and everything! Luckily the polling place didn't have a line so i was able to get in, get my ballot, and fill it in right away! I even dragged my mom and cousin to come with me. I made a joke on snapchat to encourage my friends to vote too. It was a pic of my "i voted" sticker with a caption saying "omg youre so sexy when you vote aHaha" -🦙

Anonymous said: this is my first time doing this so, so i hope i’m sending this correctly! i voted early in late september by mail! i live in a swing state, so it’s really important for me to vote and not waste time!! bc of my age, this is my first time voting so i’m really nervous 😅

Anonymous said: I voted by email! I'm overseas so I wasn't sure if my ballot would actually make it through in time, so I decided to go electronically. Had to sign a waiver saying I understand that my vote won't be anonymous but I haven't been given a reason to suspect voter suppression/fraud in my state, so I'm happy I think...!

Anonymous said: hi, i voted early on oct 24th. my absentee ballot didn't come in, so i had to travel back home to vote (~3 hour drive). when we got there, there was a ton of people outside the polling place, but no lines, so i was in and out pretty quick. it was my first time voting, so i had all the candidates i was voting for written down on a tiny receipt so i wouldn't forget 😅. my mom was with me, so she voted too. took a pic with my sticker (mask on for extra covid-ness) and went home. drove back the next afternoon!

whippedforkook said: Hi Bee. 💕 I voted in early October - nearly a month ago! 😱 It’s been really weird with all the lead up to the election because it felt like it should have been done once I cast my ballot! A lot of my friends have volunteered to get out the vote: writing postcards to voters, texting, phone banking, working the polls, curing ballots. I didn’t volunteer at all this year, but I hope that all of my friends’ hard work and everyone else’s is enough. I’m also hoping and praying that I will be in a better place mentally for 2022 so that I too can volunteer. Our work starts with 2020 not ends. 💕 Wishing you well. 💕

begineuphoria said: I went and voted last Friday as it was our last early voting day. No way was I going to wait until today with the crowds of people in my area that still act as if masks are somehow infringing on their rights. 🙄 It was a rather normal experience for the most part. Other than having to use a coffee stir stick to press the buttons on the machine to vote. In and out within five minutes.

Anonymous said: I voted down the street at this pretty park this morning. I got up at 5:30 and it was freezing. Luckily I wore like 30 layers and stood outside for 2 hours. Some nasty orange man supporters were rude but everyone else was pretty nice. A really cute older couple was playing soccer with pine cones and kicked it towards me to play too. Not the worst time tbh.

Anonymous said: Did mail-in voting in California! Extremely exhausting and took forever to research all the propositions - they are notoriously tricky in hiding their flaws and one side tends to outrageously outspend the other. But in the end I felt really good about my research and decisions! No need for you to post a snippet for this story - would like to save that to read sometime in the future ;) Thank you so much for doing this!

joonsgotthejuice said: Votes for void??? I am here! I went last Thursday and it was chaotic bc I kept going past the poll place but the line was soooo long so my mom called me and woke me up like "its pouring rain and the line is super short get up I'm gonna pick you up" so thats the story of how I got dressed in 5 minutes and dragged my ass to vote in the rain <3

Anonymous said: i voted early on thursday it was cold and rainy but i went in the late afternoon and thankfully the only waiting i did was a few minutes for an elevator i got very lucky and while waiting for the results is awful the relief that came from voting in general was just great

Anonymous said: Wheeew the polls just closed and I finally got to cast my ballot yayyy ( I was the one working the polls from earlier) it’s been a really really long day and we actually had surprisingly good turnout. I saw a woman try to vote for someone else who claimed to be “helping” and I saw a woman who I’m pretty sure was on some typa something 👀 Overall though I really I’m really thankful for people like you who encouraged people to get out and vote. I hope the odds are in our favor❤️🤞🏼

chelsea-chee said: Hello Bee! Today surprisingly my elderly father wanted to vote so I brought him out with me. He only cared about voting for Biden, which meant I got to help decide who he should vote for with the rest of the candidates and amendments! Say hello to baby bee for me as well! 💖

Anonymous said: Okay I gonna got a chance to vote today and the process wasn’t that bad actually. I went in just now and it wasn’t that busy( thankfully) so no lines. I’m from Texas and it’s gonna be almost impossible to turn this state blue, but every vote counts! I love that you are getting people to vote and also sharing your experiences as well!

owl-orgy said: Dropped off my mail in ballot at a polling location! I originally wanted to vote early in person because I was worried my signature wouldn’t match closely enough but ended up just turning it in and double checked today to make it said “ballot accepted and counted”!

Anonymous said: I voted in person this afternoon, better late than never I guess. I was gonna go last week but then I got cramps from hell. There was no one in line in front of me, I think my county early voted because it was packed everyday the last few weeks

Anonymous said: I voted early a couple weeks ago. Exciting thing though that did happen was I got both my parents to vote for their first time ever.

Anonymous said: I had a mail in vote. So, I filled it out and dropped it in at the ballot box at my library. (I also checked out books for the first time in years, so I had fun!)

bubblyjiminnie said: I literally just finished voting. Lucky for me, the line and wait wasn’t very long, and it was a nice enough day that the short amount of time I had to spend in line outside of the building wasn’t too bad. My social anxiety when it comes to stuff like this tends to be high but that’s what I get for waiting until Election Day instead of going the mail in route. This was only my second time voting, but I’m glad that I did 😊

Anonymous said: I turned my ballot in last week :) I’m not a big fan of crowds and I hate make spur of the moment choices but despite that the first time I was able to vote back in 08 my Mom pressured me into voting in person because “you’d have to experience it at least once in our life”. And ever since then I comfortably vote by mail. I take my time, do all of my research, listen to music, and best of all don’t have to deal with people.

Anonymous said: here in Washington state it’s super easy to vote. I dropped my ballot off in mid-October and it’s already been accounted for! Mail in voting and drop box voting is fantastic and provides equal opportunity and access. Sad to see some people in red states misinforming Americans about it! We also have a referendum for implementing mandatory sex ed, including teaching respect, empathy and consent as part of the curriculum so I was happy to vote yes on that too!

unionrox006 said: I voted about 2 weeks ago by doing a mail in ballot. The other eligible to vote members of my household did the same. We chose to vote by absentee ballot because both my mom and I have an autoimmune disorder, so we have to be careful going out in the pandemic. Tbh, the ballot layout was a bit confusing at first as was all the paperwork and required IDs and documents. But my dad explained it to me and we got them filled out and mailed off. Kinda mad I didn't get a sticker for it though

bluetostone said: Love this and so excited for the next chp of void! I early voted a few weeks ago and because I live in a pretty rural county I was in and out of my polling place in a few minutes. No sticker though 😢. I live in a swing state so it could go either way in terms of delegates. Just praying everyone is safe tonight as the results roll in...though, won't we not know for sure for a couple of days or weeks?

Anonymous said: My mom, sister, and I received our early voting ballots a while ago and I took the longest to fill mine out because it was making me anxious :,( but I did return it before it was due. I checked our ballot statuses and mine and my moms were accepted but my sister’s said they hadn’t received hers back. Then she got another ballot so she filled that one out too and I took it yesterday 👍👍 I think she got two because she changed her address late so they sent two?

vixsynsblog said: Non-interesting voter story: I'm paranoid and live in a highly divided area, so I filed mail-in ASAP, mailed it a few days after cause neighbors are nosy and don't understand boundaries. Was able to track my ballot through my credit company, which was nice. Only thing I was missing was my sticker. Never got one✊😔. So I had to improvise and write it in pen on my disposable mask. I'm working all this week so if riots break out from either side, I'll be at work. Prayers for the safety of others🙏

______

Waaah!!! Thank you all for voting!! You are all my heroes. I am so grateful and proud of you. I’m sorry I ran out of time to respond to you individually. I’m going to drop two big scenes from Chapter 7 in gratitude (one of which will be familiar to my patrons and one won’t). I’m hopeful I will have the whole next chapter out very soon. Love you all!

Void spoilers below the cut.

When you wake up in the morning, there are still no signed HR forms in your messages. Had you been a fool to think they were interested? How much time does it take to decide such a thing? Perhaps just by putting the idea out there explicitly, it had lost all of its taboo appeal.

There is a calendar reminder waiting for you: Today is chili pepper pollinating day. At least this gives you an excuse to talk to Hoseok.

You find the science officer in the lab as always, sitting with his knee up against his chest. Hoseok doesn’t look well. He’s got dark circles under his eyes.

“Hey, um…” You shuffle your feet. Want to fuck me? No wait…“You don’t look good. Were you here all night?” you ask.

He blinks at you, bleary-eyed. “Um, was I? Yeah.. I suppose. Lost track of time.” He rubs his eyes, before looking you up and down, then casting his gaze back to the floor.

All you want to do is ask about the forms. Or the meeting. Or what he thinks of you now. But you don’t. “I need to pollinate the chili peppers today.” Usually Hoseok is the person who assists with that. “But I can get one of the other guys to do it if you need the sleep.”

“No!” Hoseok lurches forward, standing up a bit to rapidly and needing to put his hand back on the bench to steady himself. “I mean, I’m fine.”

You should disgaree with him. He is exhausted. But you’d like more time to talk to him.

Pollinating the chili peppers is both time-sensitive and time-consuming, hence why it took two of you to get the job done. There were no insects on your ship to do the job for you and if they didn’t get pollinated, they wouldn’t bear any fruit. Your chili peppers were your favorite crop. Not only a vital source of Vitamin C, but all your food benefitted from having a bit of spice added to it.

You and Hoseok head for the greenhouse together. The intital set-up gives you something to talk about in the beginning. Hoseok gathers the pollen from one flower onto a paintbrush, then hands it over to you to paint onto the stigmas of each little flower on the next plant in the line.

Slowly the conversation dries up as you fall into a silent rhythm. Other than just enjoying the chili peppers, you must admit that this was one of your favorite tasks on the ship because of the high likelihood that the two of you would brush hands peridically. Always gave you butterflies. But today he seems extra intent on keeping his distance from you. Was he disgusted by you now? His hands are trembling.

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

His hand twitches so hard that a little rain of yellow pollen cascades onto the floor. He curses in frustration before turning to face you. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Um, yes, I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“This, um, plan of yours…” he gestures to the vague tension in the air. “It doesn’t feel like you.”

“I’m trying to save the mission. That has always been my top priority.”

“Yeah, I’m still not clear on how this benefits the mission.”

“Yoongi said…” you start to say, but are cut off my Hoseok’s derisive snort.

“Look, if you’re in love with Yoongi, just go date him, okay? Don’t feel obligated to include the rest of us out of pity.”

You frown. “I’m not… I’m not in love with him. It’s just sex. Just biology.”

“This isn’t you!” Hoseok argues back. “You hated the idea of anyone of us ever treating you that way. And now you just want all of us to… to… use you like that?” He splutters out the end of the sentence.

“No one is using me! This is my plan! I’m in charge!”

He sighs. “Well, I can’t be a part of it. Excuse me.”

______

Taehyung finds you in the gym. It’s good to see him up and about, even if his arm is still in a sling.

“Hey, so I need to talk to you about this, um, ape sex thing.” He fishes awkwardly into his pockets and pulls out his tablet. Maybe Jimin was right. Is Taehyung going to be the first to take you up on your offer?

You pause your jog on the elliptical machine. You wish you weren’t so sweaty and gross for this conversation. Taehyung is such an intimidatingly attractive man with those strong eyebrows and that perfect skin.

Taehyung opens up the tablet and flips to the form. It’s happening. He’s going to sign the form. Shit. Then what will you do? It’s one thing to say you want to have sex with your whole crew, but what if he’s hoping to go right now? You need a shower.

Taehyung has really nice hands. Long strong fingers delicately navigating the touch screen. It seems totally improbable that a man this attractive would be into you, even if you were the only woman in the universe. It just adds to your suspicions that hormones are driving everyone crazy. Perhaps if you slept with him once, he’d lose all interest.

He finds the form and then turns his gaze up to you, staring you down with those eyes. It’s a good thing that Taehyung rarely turns his full gaze on you, because it is almost too much to bear. Shit, is he just going to sign it? Is he waiting for you to give him some sort of signal?

“You can’t do this to Jimin,” he says.

“What?” Not what you were expecting. “Do what to Jimin?”

“This.” He gestures over the HR form. “Signing these forms with everyone. Having sex with everyone. You’re going to destroy Jimin.”

“Jimin’s the one who suggested this whole thing in the first place.” It’s a lie. You know its a lie. Or at least a gross exaggeration. But Jimin was the one who first brought up the idea of sharing. All for the benefit of the man in front of you now.

“No way.” Taehyung scoffs, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow. “No way was it Jimin’s idea that you sleep with the whole crew.”

“Well…” You can’t bear his gaze anymore and look down at the floor. “He wanted me to sleep with you.”

That surprises Taehyung. He puts down the tablet. “What? Why would he want that?”

This is awkward. “He, um, thinks you’re in love with me.”

“What?” There is only surprise on Taehyung’s face. It’s actually a relief to see that Taehyung is just as shocked by that idea as you were. “Why does he think that?”

“I don’t know…” You feel kind of dumb now. Of course, Taehyung doesn’t feel that way about you. Look at him. “Cause you told him you were jealous. Cause you can’t stand to be in the same room as us…”

Taehyung bites his lip. “Oh, um, shit, sorry, that’s not what I meant.”

If Taehyung isn’t jealous of Jimin...

“Taehyung…” He looks up, biting his lip. “What did you mean? Who are you jealous of?”

Taehyung’s eyes widen, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead he reaches for his microphone and mutes it. Out of respect, you mute yours as well. He glances toward the camera in the corner of the room, then stands up and begins unzipping his jumpsuit.

“Um…” You are distracted by the golden arms that peak from either side of the tank top as the zipper reaches his groin. “What are you doing?”

“Need something to block the camera.”

“We have towels,” you mutter. But he’s already stripping out of his shirt. The musculature of his back ripples. He hangs the shirt off of the camera to block the rest of the room from view.

“Yeah, but this way anyone watching will think we’re having sex.” His chest is just as attractive as his back and you flush at the sight of it. Mercifully, he zips back into his jumpsuit as he returns to his position in front of the exercise machine.

“You want them to think we’re having sex?”

“Don’t you? It plays right into your whole save the mission with bonobo sex plan.”

“I suppose.” Though the plan was also supposed to be that there would be no more secrets between the crew. “What plan of yours does it play into?”

“The one where Jimin doesn’t realize I’m in love with him.”

“You’ve never tried to tell him?”

Taehyung laughs wryly and shakes his head. “How would that conversation go? Hey man, I know we’ve known each other for years and I’ve already seen you naked and that you just think of me as a friend, but I’m in love with you. I know that’s awkward but now you have to spend the next twelve years with me, knowing that I’m attracted to you when you don’t feel the same way.” Taehyung sighs. “Doesn’t sound like a good plan to me. If he doesn’t feel the same way, I’ve just ruined the friendship for nothing and then I don’t even have that.”

“Yeah… I get that.” There’s something touching about realizing that Taehyung has been fighting the same battle as you for the last two years.

“I couldn’t tell anyone before launch because what if they wouldn’t let me go then? You know?”

“Yeah, the director wasn’t big on sending anyone who might ‘complicate’ the mission.” The two of you share a sad knowing smile.

“Yeah… And I thought it would be fine, you know? I like women too. I’d just date women until launch and no one would know. I wasn’t planning on falling in love with my roommate.”

“I don’t think any of us really knew what this would be like.”

“I knew it was going to be a problem. I should have pulled out…”

Your mind flashes back to that moment of doubt when Hoseok talked you into still coming on the mission.

“But I couldn’t just let him go off into space without me. Even if he’d never feel the same way, at least he’d still be in my life.”

The emotion in Taehyung’s words makes your eyes begin to mist. “You really do love him.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung sighs again. “But he’s in love with you.”

“Well, he thinks he is.”

“What does that mean?”

“He only feels like that about me cause he thinks I’m the only option.” You wonder if maybe he would feel differently if he knew about Taehyung’s feelings.

Taehyung frowns and shakes his head. “You don’t give him enough credit.”

“Oh come on, you know him. How many women did he date while we were in training?”

“A few…”

“And how many of them was he in love with before he found the next one?”

Taehyung bites his lip. He can’t really argue with that. “So why are you with him then, if you don’t think it’s real?”

You shrug, rubbing your arm. “He wants me. It’s nice to feel wanted, I guess.”

“You know you could have that with any man on this ship right?”

You scoff. “They’re all suffering the same delusion. It’s only-available-vagina syndrome. I just want us all to fuck and get it out in the open. Maybe if we could get it out of our system, they would see I’m nothing special. And then we can get back to the mission.”

Taehyung eyes you up and down. “You don’t give yourself enough credit either.”

You shrug. “You wait and see. Jimin will get bored of me. They all will.”

The two of you both slump backwards in your seats, mulling over your shared woes. Taehyung bends down and picks up the tablet again. “So what should I do with this?”

“Obivously, you don’t have to sign it. I should have realized that not everyone would be interested.”

“Jimin thinks I’m in love with you?”

“Yeah…”

“Is it okay if we let him think that for now? At least until I figure out how to tell him the truth?”

“Okay.”

Taehyung smiles and signs the bottom of the form, then sends it to you. Your phone lights up with a message. “Thank you,” he murmurs before he leaves.

#I'm not going to answer asks about the spoilers right now #because I want people to be able to avoid them until the chapter drops #but that should be sometime in the next week or so #votes for void

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