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#also like idk really how to articulate it but I feel this one has a sort of weight and significance to it
jefferythejelly · 1 month
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having opinions in this fandom but not saying any of them
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devilbrakers · 1 year
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OC DUALITY
was tagged by @morvaris​ to take this uquiz for my ocs >:) thank you nico this was super fun!!
tagging: @numbaoneflaya @time-is-a-lake @aartyom @nuclearstorms @girlbosselrond @druidgroves @malefiicarum @swordcoasts  @aldcaldos @sufferthorn @steelport @calenhads @lavinet​ and anyone else who’d like to join in !!
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you and the hat man
oh boy you're fighting demons aren't you? it's like you're in a constant staring competition with something that's always in the peripheral. what the fuck. (at least, that's how people who don't know you would react). at this point you've probably gotten pretty familiar with the hat man. he's a reliable kind of guy. keeps to himself, sure, but you can trust him to be there. maybe a haunting isn't too bad if it's never left your side. you can only imagine what it will be like when he's not there any more.
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god-hungry scientist and their abominable child
you stitched something together inside of yourself and gave it life with light from the sky and now it won't die and you can't kill it because part of you loves it and you're not quite right in the head or the person you used to be but at the end of the day it's simply a beast of sadness. you crave the mercy you didn't get from your creators and so i'm telling you please forgive yourself. please hold the monster by the hand.
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moon curse of the werewolf
you have found yourself hungered or sickened or ambitious to the point of emotional carnage. you are fine, until you're not, and then you could rip someone in your way apart with your bared teeth by complete accident, and later claw at yourself in fits of pain trying to apologize. do you look at the moon that blessed you in her name, at her marred beauty and baneful eyes, and wish she could just crush that loving-hateful heart of yours before it crushes itself? every bite you take out of flesh is a response to the threads of silver bullets in you that haven't healed. the duality is that the human inside is howling too, gnashing, and without the wolf pelt, everyone can ignore it and turn away. at some point, you got tired of the moon being your only witness. now the wolf is there to make sure others know that you are hurt, and deserving of humanity, of attention to wounds. because that wolf loves you; all of you; and knows when you are hurt better than yourself.
#feel free to ignore this if you want !! idk how many people have already been tagged fjsdkl#anyway. going to be annoying abt this in the tags now <3#the main thing that gets me abt gray's is the 'maybe a haunting isn't too bad if it's never left your side'#like????? ik the hat man thing is probs supposed to be funny and it kinda is but it fits them so well#almost everyone close to them has died or left them atp but maybe it isn't so bad. just to have one constant#dmitri :| yeah. yeah#everything he felt he had to become to save his sister who was dead the whole time anyway but ended up being a better survival tactic anyway#so he just stuck with it until he died but then he comes back as a demon and now he has to live with what he did forever#i don't think he really could ever forgive himself. mainly for failing nina but it's started to eat him alive less and less over the years#mainly bc he does everything he can not to think about it too much but he also doesn't really want to totally get rid of that part of#himself. the part that was capable of torturing and killing all those people bc it really was powered by love and desperation to some extent#and that proves that maybe he has some shred of humanity left even if she's been gone for decades now#not that he does shit like that anymore. but he's capable and willing to for those he loves even if they'd probably hate him for it#and miko's :(#yeah#lashing out at people when it gets to be too much which is often given the life that she lives and then beating herself up for it nonstop#but it's also a way to protect herself and even tho she died young it got her pretty far#and it helped her protect other people (mainly gray and blake) when it came down to it because she couldn't stand seeing them hurt either#idk if i articulated myself v well but yeah jfdsklfdjs my dmc gang are all my blorbos#my ocs#tag#gray#dmitri#miko
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vamprisms · 2 years
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everybody is getting mad at a-train for betraying team kill homelander like leave him alone you don't understand him he has layers
#PERHAPS i am just predisposed to make excuses for him because he's one of my favourite characters on the show but i have a little theory#about a-train this series#so people are just assuming that he snitched to homelander because we've seen him be an opportunist in the past but that's not the vibe i#was getting from what was set up earlier in the episode and also he has been shown to have principals in the past like#risking himself to expose stormfront wasnt entirely self-serving like people make out#AND we know that canonically homelander can hear everything that goes on in that building including the plots to kill him and the blackmail#material deep and a-train have on eachother#we haven't actually seen a-train tell homelander that alex tried to recruit him. i think he agreed and this is like a#divide and conquer strategy from homelander because the team already mistrusts a-train#given his development since season one i really think they're setting a-train up to finally be disillusioned with the whole superhero thing#like#idk how to articulate it#but it makes sense for his overarching character story for him to finally let go of chasing the celebrity lifestyle which has done nothing#but cause his misery so far#and i think that's what they're setting up for him i think this 'a-train betrayed the group' is a red herring#the boys#the boys spoilers#im keeping my rant in the tags because i feel like im overwhelming my followers with the boys content but it put worms in my brain sorry#principles*#EDIT: ok so they confirmed he snitched i look like a clown BUT that's still my friend a train???
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aeide-thea · 8 months
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still picking my way thru s3 of the witcher episode by agonizing episode but it's going SO slowly bc every time i watch one it's just like. right. this show is a B movie now and not in a good way
#like it's not like NONE of it has been fun but it's just like. i enjoy the fandom but the source material is. not actually good#and people SO badly want to credit it with all this depth and sophistication it just absolutely does not have#but s1 was at least like. coherent and fun if unsubtle#s2 and s3 have just been this big spiral into like. an attempt at Fantasy Saga#which would be fine if they were good enough at storytelling to do that coherently#but unfortunately it's just like. disconnected scene after disconnected scene strung together by mediocre action and worse humor#all of which have looked weirdly pastede-on-yay in a way i don't know enough formal film language to articulate#but it's just like. it doesn't feel like the characters are actually moving through the world‚ visually#it's just costumed ppl shoehorned into backgrounds that are either (1) cartoonishly stagey (2) dreary irl countryside somewhere (3) bad CGI#and then geralt gets whumped and it's like. wait NOW you want us to care abt him? after sidelining him all season?#like. idk. structurally and emotionally the writing just sucks#and then the acting and visuals are. largely also bad. lol.#jaskier is probably one of the best bits really but then they give him so much material that's absolutely clownish#and it's like. i'm not opposed to humor but it's remarkable the way the juxtaposition of his tone with the overall tone of the show#manages to make BOTH vibes seem stupid somehow. honestly an achievement#however. big fan of predicted-by-me-but-still-good betrayal scene. like. he didn't even seem surprised which was perf honestly#'obviously you lived down to my expectations‚ that's just how life goes and has gone ever since geralt blew up at me on that mountain'#just like. makes total sense and also grants him some actual depth and dignity#now do that the whole time with all the characters challenge…#tvblogging#(i realize no1 currs but like. i do like 2 record my Thots On Media otherwise they all fall out of my head like a sieve)
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palms-upturned · 2 years
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.
#meg talks#dude trying to write jean vicquemare is so hard 💀#i think mostly bc like. idek how to articulate my thoughts abt this guy#tbh i can’t say i Like jean since he’s. y’know. a cop#kinda like how harry is v interesting and i am invested in him as a person by virtue of inhabiting him#im sort of invested in jean as someone who’s important to harry#and as someone who’s an interesting individual in his own right#(never not thinking about ‘’there is nothing more in that beloved future of yours. we are all done there. done and gone.’’)#but im also like. man i dunno. i don’t think harry has any real future w the rcm#not a good one anyway#and i feel his friendship w jean is like…#well it’s on its last leg really isn’t it… if you don’t stay sober and u have no one to vouch for you#he leaves you to potentially die#i don’t know… sksbsbxjxj I understand how and why they ended up where they are now#but i don’t feel like there’s any real chance of them coming back from it u know#i get the appeal of the content of the task force friendship™️ stuff but i just can’t get behind it#like yeah they’re friends but they’re so… [gestures helplessly]#i can’t even articulate it!!! i just feel like them all being cops really destroys the potential for REAL friendship#i think even the miracle that brought kim and harry together will lose its luster if they don’t change#where was i even going w this idk anymore 😭#just lots of complicated feelings abt jean and harry’s friendship#i think he’s a v funny and interesting and complex character but also not a good guy#what does any of that mean in the end? i dunno im falling asleep
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dyketubbo · 2 years
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babygirl i have so many more bitchy opinions about this fandom that even my blog followers dont hear about
#sees a post and immediately has like 5 bitchy thoughts about it like girl chill out#shoutout to the cafe who have to hear my unfiltered opinions about like fucking everything#anyways this was brought by being tired of cranboo crit at this point. idk why but it just always makes me roll my eyes#is this how ctechno enthusiasts feel /hj#i suppose i just dont see the purpose in people deciding to just randomly shit on ranboo all the time#like ok we get it you think hes a shitty writer and that yout hink his character isnt interesting. can you at least tag crit#for the love of god#this post was also brought by perhaps having Opinions about tubbo3091 and being nitpicky#for clarification i dont think its a bad blog or extremely ooc or whatever#i just never get people hailing it as the One True ctubbo interpretation when like. from what i can see the point is to be Funny#i see tubbolul as a much more in character depiction of ctubbo in an rp blog#but really in general im just tired of depictions of ctubbo being an asshole to ghostboo#thats my ultimate break off of enjoyment with ctubbo depictions is if theyre like unrelentingly an ass for ghostboo for no real reason#without like. consideration to how he actually acts which isnt like. bitchy or passive aggressive#but just vaguely distant and at times dismissive#i do think hed be kind of a dick sure but like. not by actively insulting or yelling at/about ghostboo#i think theres plenty of interesting ways to go about ctubbo being sort of a jerk to ghostboo at times#but im personally burnt out on depictions where hes actively a dick that only sees ghostboo as a big nuisance#idk exactly how to articulate it its just something that has to be done in a specific way or else i roll my eyes#mask mews#negative
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lostjulys · 2 years
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hm. i think for the first time i am. actually feeling homesick.
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rodolfoparras · 3 months
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Oh gosh, hi hello howdy. I’ve always quietly lurked on your blog because it makes me so fucking feral but I’m too nervous about saying anything. But!! I’m being brave, saying hello, and idk bringing a little treat too I suppose
idk what specifically got me hooked onto this idea, but it was def something you wrote that was scream worthy but but all it did was make me imagine:
Price just being this perfect soldier, perfect leader, gruff and hard around the edges because he has to be in his line of work. Sharp voice, stern face, no-nonsense and all authority. Then reader comes around. Price is all bark and bite, but oh with reader—something shakes loose in his chest.
It doesn’t come up in the field. It doesn’t come up on base either. It’s some little dinky bar where the team has holed up in after a rough mission to celebrate a safe return and lick their wounds in relative, drunken peace. And it starts with just the brush of your arm against Price’s neck. It was an accident. You reached for something over his shoulder, Ghost handing you another drink or you swatting at a laughing Soap, and it was really just the loose fabric of your sleeve against Price’s skin.
Price has spent so long being alpha alpha alpha. It’s what’s expected of a military man, what’s expected of a captain and leader. But something about the touch against the back of his neck—of you touching his neck, holding him, collaring him. It’s lucky the lights are low enough no one notices the flush spreading across his face and the music is too loud to hear that soft little whimper.
Anywayyyy love the blog hehe <3
Hello sugar cube!! I’m so glad you popped in pls know y’all are genuinely always welcome here I can understand feeling nervous but believe me I absolutely love talking to y’all! 🥹🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
Also before I say anything else I just have to say you articulate yourself in such a beautiful way I absolutely love the way you write sugar🧎🏻‍♂️
Second of all I’ve always loved the thought of price giving up control
Imagine price who’s always been forced to take charge and make decisions, always been captain or lieutenant, someone important before he’s been a mere soldier, always carrying so much responsibilities on his shoulders
When you came around he hadn’t expected to start a relationship with you it kind of just happened much like he just happened to give up control to you
Price would always be up on his feet before anyone else, preparing coffee and making sure him and his team have everything they need for their mission, but now he’s woken up by the smell of coffee and met with the sight of your smiling face holding out a cup for him .
He takes it gracefully, sipping on it contentedly, feeling himself become more and more alert as the caffeine enters his system.
He’s just about to say how he needs to prepare for the upcoming mission when you abruptly cut him off with a kiss, ever so carful not to tip the cup of warm liquid on him.
He happily accepts your kiss, a contented sigh escaping his lips and it’s your smile that finally breaks the kiss.
“I’ve already prepared everything,” you say, smile still painted on your face.
He only manages a surprised “oh” in response, brows raising high at your words before he bashfully thanks you for what you’ve done.
Once he’s done with his coffee you put his mug down on the night stand before you take his hand and pull him out of the bed, playfully tugging him over to the bathroom where you’re quick to start up a shower for him.
He mumbles something under his breath probably something along the lines of how he’s a grown man and can take care of himself and doesn’t need you to prepare showers for him but he secretly loves it
As soon as he steps foot in the shower, you’re hot on his tail, pouring shower gel into your hands, and soaping them up before burying your fingers into his hair.
A groan escapes his lips, eyes fluttering shut as he leans into the wonderful feeling.
Maybe you’re going over the mission with him or maybe you’re just humming some tune or maybe you’re trailing kisses down his neck while massaging his tense shoulders
Ether way he absolutely loves it feels like he’s in heaven because of it and of course the sweet thing gets so worked up, all hot and bothered from having someone pampering him this much, cock all hard and weeping between his thighs and there’s no way you’ll have him this tense before a mission so of course you sneak your hand between his legs and gently pumping his length
He’s clawing at your arm, head lolling back onto your shoulder as groans and whimpers escape him.
It doesn’t take much before the sweet thing is inching closer to his release, head burying into your neck and begging you to let him finish and who are you to deny him?
You quickly dry him up and help him dress before you ready yourself for the mission.
Youre checking your weapons and gear going over whatever you’ll need before taking the liberty to check his stuff and he’s all red in the face muttering curses under his breath but he absolutely loves everything you do for him and the rest of tf141 knows it as they stand there quietly chuckling in the background
Well out on the field you’re hot on his heal, your form towering over him, chest flushed to his back, hand on him to keep him in close vicinity while moving quietly
And if a bullet happens to graze him you’re lashing out at whoever wasn’t properly covering him getting all up in their face and cursing them out so much that Price has to pull you back by the waist while trying to suppress the smile tugging at his lips
And on your way back home you’re checking up on him constantly, even sitting next to him in the helicopter, thighs flush with his, arm around him, letting him lean his body onto yours, and checking every once a while on the injury he’s got
And of course when you’re back home you got him sprawled out on the bed, head buried between his legs, making him cum over and over, til there’s nothing but pathetic spurts of cum coming from him.
As he lay there, sated and fucked out, Price realizes he’s finally let someone else have control for once.
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rendezvouz-fling · 1 year
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Astro Observations #20
• Is it just me or do most saturnian moons (Aqua/Cap) tend to grow up with single mothers who only care about making money and having multiple boyfriends? Lmao.
• I feel bad for Gemini risings with Aries mercuries because they’re so genuine and they might be very chatty but it’s their biggest love language.🤎 I think this might also apply to just about every other Gemini rising too!
• I feel bad for Aries moons with Libra mercuries/risings because yes they can be a little hot headed but they won’t be flat out bold and they might beat around the bush a lot! On the other hand though when they’re really arguing with somebody they might switch to intellect and surprisingly demolish that person.✋🏽
• People with mercury at a Fire degree (1, 5, 9, 13, 17, 21, 23, 29) love to exaggerate things! Calling myself out too, chile!😩😂
• Virgo suns with Cancer venuses and Leo mars can be very sweet and caring but also very scorning, abrasive and wants themselves/their partner & kids to look/dress their best almost all the time! Pretty much the always picture-ready type moms.
• You better believe that even if a Sagittarius moon won’t say it they might feel hurt and start detaching until they’re completely gone out of your life and you’re left wondering what went wrong.
• Tbh idk why but Libra mercuries also be out here saying mean, out-of-pocket stuff just not normally in people’s faces so maybe that’s why their friends might not take them seriously.
• Whereas Aries mercuries probably have a reputation of arrogance and downright disrespectfulness but they can also be very nice especially if you’re close with them. You’ll notice they just like to cuss for fun lol.
• Scorpio mercuries need to stop being on interrogation mode!😭
• Gemini mercuries be telling some of the funniest stories and their facial expressions/hand gestures make it even more funnier than it has to be.😭🤣
• Dear Cancer mercuries, you guys are so thoughtful and caring Ilysm!
• Capricorn mercuries, you’re not boring and I love how also detail oriented you are!
• Can I just say Cap mercuries so be out here clowning too! 😂 I have a close friend who’s a Cap sun & mercury and she says funny things often, she just has a very articulate way of speaking but besides that she’s hilarious!🤣
• I recently noticed people with Air/Earth placements tend to have speech impediments and other stuff. E.g. my little sister is a Virgo sun/moon & Libra stellium and she can’t pronounce the letter ‘R’. I have a Gemini rising at 23 degree, Capricorn mars & other air placements and I used to have a speech impediment and developed selective muting. 💀
• Having Air/Fire placements can be such a challenge! 😭 My Aries mercury just be saying anything along with the super chatty Gemini rising but then later my Aquarius moon has a pep talk moment and makes me say “Why the fuck did I say that? Now they’re going to think I’m—” 😂😂😂
• People with harsh aspects between the sun and pluto might be known as open books but they might become self-conscious about it and have the urge to remain a mystery yet they can’t help but overshare!😭
• They might also think about it often! Like it might haunt them.💀
• Gemini venuses are soo fun!! I’d literally take these people with me if I was to go on a road trip because they’d keep me entertained and we could just goof around & talk about anything lol.
• You might also find yourself attracting/being attracted to people who’s venus sign is your rising sign!
• Pisces venus, for the sake of your own life please stop staying in toxic relationships because you fear being abandoned and think it isn’t worth it because you’ve been with this person so long—LEAVE. ✋🏽
• Cancer venus, you know I love you but sometimes you gotta stop trying to control people. 😭
• Scorpio venus, with you I feel like we’re always on the same page and see eye to eye in most things/interests.
• Capricorn venus you are literally one of the most giving venus signs! I literally love you!!<3
• Sagittarius mars men having a thing for smacking their girlfriend’s butt.🤣
• Leo mars want only the best of the best especially if there’s Taurus in the mix!
• While Libra risings might develop people pleasing tendencies, Gemini risings tend to develop social anxiety.
• I’ve seen so many Gemini suns always point out that they either have or think they have a mental illness. Especially ADHD.😨😰
• Yes Earth suns are normally very chill and grounded. But add some Air and especially Fire in the mix and they’ll be the most erratic, short tempered people you’ve seen!🙃
• Fire mercuries/mercuries at Fire degrees, how does it feel to get shouted at your whole life then gas-lighted and blamed when you turn out to be a sharp-tongue individual?
• Gemini moons and their many 1-3 Am shows in their rooms.😭 Same for Aqua and Libra moons but Gemini moons do it more often lol.
• If somebody is very generous, bold, funny, and gets pissed off/defensive very quickly then they’re an Aries dom.❤️‍🔥
• Taurus moon, why are you so stubborn?
• The best thing to hear is “Okay fine.” From an Aquarius/Taurus moon when you’ve finally got them to change their opinion that they stubbornly wouldn’t let go of lol.
• 9H moons tend to be very attached to their ideas/opinions/beliefs. I can testify😂
• I’ve noticed some 2H moons tend to stress eat?
• 7H moons looove music and fashion!💗
• 9H Aquarius moons are normally cultured people.
• Fire moons are the loyalest friends hands down. I said what I said.✋🏽❤️
• Scorpios suns with Sagittarius moons/mercuries somehow be coming up with the funniest life-stories??😭🤣
• I’ve noticed Sagittarius mercuries tend to be awesome yet underrated songwriters! E.g. Nikki Sixx of Mötley Crüe who wrote most of their songs😩🖤
• Say what you will but some Leo risings literally exude not only a very charming but bright aura! David Lee Roth is literally your typical Leo Rising!🦁🌞
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unbidden-yidden · 5 months
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Okay something I haven't really had the words for so far is to describe the surreal weirdness of interacting with Current Events™️ as a ger.
Partially this has been me trying not to make this about my feelings, and partially this is a lack of ability to articulate the feelings anyway. But I'm gonna try because I think others might be in the same boat.
So one of the interesting things about being a Jew by Choice is that a number of us don't have any prior connections to Judaism. We are not culturally Jewish when we start, we do not have Jewish family or ancestry, and we are not joining a Jewish family through marriage. We just.... felt drawn. Called, if you will. A lot of us in that boat are seekers, moved by some moment of truth or divine connection.
At any rate, that leaves us in a weird position when it comes to Jewish cultural trauma, both new and old. We don’t carry the ancestral trauma of knowing we have lost literal family to atrocities, but we accept that may be our future. We don’t have the literal trauma, but the collective grief and community trauma seeps into your bones very quickly, the more you identify with the Jewish people. We don’t have the literal trauma, but we then worry about whether we also lack the resilience that has sustained Jews by birth throughout history.
"We are made of strong stuff! Your ancestors passed on their strength!" An excellent and true statement for many, but what if our specific ancestors did not? Worse: what if they were on the other side of the equation?
We are also confronting, for the first time, the reality of seeing how few people care about Jews outside of other Jews. For many born Jews, that makes this a time to consolidate into family, to hunker down. For gerim, we find strength in community but many of us have family that do not and cannot fully understand (and honestly many of us are praying our families don't understand it for any number of reasons.)
So we are processing this for the first time as adults, outside of a Jewish family. And it's surreal and weird and hard and alienating and you feel both like you are inside and outside of the community. You are profoundly affected, but do you have any right to complain? You chose this. You knew what was coming, probably. This kind of antisemitism? Brutally predictable, if you know Jewish history. You have survivors' guilt and secondhand trauma, but other people have it far worse, far more personal, and so it feels like there's no appropriate space to discuss that. You want to speak up and also, you don't want to draw attention to yourself. You want people to see you. You want to hide. This is the only thing anyone in your community can focus on, and you are struggling the same way. It's been two months and you need to snap out of this. This doesn't hurt you directly. But it does. It does. Because no matter how isolated you feel, you cannot separate yourself from your people.
Idk it's a lot. But I'm fine. I'm fine, of course.
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runningfrom2am · 4 months
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leveling the playing field XIV
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 2.2k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there. oh, and manipulation (both of them lowkey)
masterlists // nav // requests
a/n: omg so the next part has over 5k words and its not even close to being done?? should i post it all at once or break it up?? lmk your thoughts! also!! i think there's only two parts left omg... BUT do not fear bc i'm also writing another little thing for this and i feel like i'll keep doing that :)
series masterlist
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You run back out to the stage, just as the Covey band's song is about to end. It was the last one, you thought, if their at home rehearsals were any indicator. You climb back up the side with an exaggerated stumble in your step, drawing the attention of Lucy Gray. She gave you a confused look, having expected that you and Coriolanus would be quite busy, especially after your song. She didn't expect you back on stage at all that night.
You smile and take the mic before she can say goodnight to the audience. "How about one more? I've had a second wind!" You say, looking to the band for their approval. Everyone besides Lucy Gray just giggles at you and nods.
"Alrighty, well, we'd really love to but our Sage here has clearly had a bit to drink and needs to get home." Lucy Gray tries to save it with a joke.
"Oh, come on, Lucy Gray. Live a little!" You laugh, playfully nudging her shoulder. "Who wants one more!" You call out which is returned with whistles and claps of encouragement.
"Alright, alright. Just one more, though." She agrees, smile returning to her face as he shakes her head.
The song ends and the band is packing up, and you can only hope that Coryo is long gone. The floor empties out, and you watch as Maude Ivory hops off the stage.
"Hey, Maude Ivory!" You call after her, hiding the sense of urgency in your voice. "Hey, can you help me clean up the floor before you grab a drink? I'll grab you your water." You offer, hurrying behind her to keep her from going to the back room. You didn't want her to see the bodies you assumed were still back there.
"Yes ma'am." She nods, giving you a quick salute.
"It's not a lot today, just a few bottles we can reuse." You smile at her as she skips out to start at the opposite edge of the room. "Lucy Gray, c'mere." You call to her as she closes up her old guitar case.
"You okay?" She asks, confused by your sudden sobriety.
"Come with me." You whisper, leading her into the back hallway in front of the door.
She follows, worry creased into her brow. Suddenly, she notes the red spots across the front of your dress which were almost invisible under the stage lights and among the red accents of the fabric.
"Something happened, okay? You can't let them come back here." You insist, referring to her family. "And you can't tell anyone."
"What?" She asks in a hushed tone, glancing past you toward the door. "Is it Coriolanus?"
Before you can explain, she's pushing past you and shoving the door open. You follow her quickly, reaching your arms around her to cover her mouth to keep any kind of reaction from being heard. You effectively muffle a cry of shock, and she's shoving you away and turning to face you. "That's- that's Billy Taupe, and, and Mayfair-"
"Shh-" You hush her quickly. "It was self-defense, okay? She was going to get us all killed. You included."
"I- no, I don't-" She tries to articulate her thoughts as her eyes fill with tears.
"I know, okay? It's less than ideal. Coryo is handling it. We just have to stay quiet." You promise. "Let's just grab everything and bring it all out, pretend you saw nothing. Maude Ivory and CC can't see this, do you understand?"
She nods, sniffling and looking between the bodies. "Hey, don't look at them." You remind her, gently turning her chin toward you. "They hurt you. Now you can move on, okay?"
"Okay." She whispers shakily, nodding again as you gather all the Covey's backstage supplies to bring out.
The next morning, you're awoken to a pounding on the front door of the small home, the four of you who shared a room all shooting up at once.
You scramble to get a peek out the window, spotting the grey shade of peacekeeper uniforms and cursing.
"Who- who is it?" Maude Ivory asks, scared as she looks between you and Lucy Gray.
"Peacekeepers. Lucy Gray, we have to go." You say quickly, closing the shade and grabbing your dress and Lucy Gray's arm.
"What? What's happening?" Barb Azure asks, rubbing her eyes.
"They're going to bust in if you don't open the door. Just tell them Lucy Gray isn't home. Don't mention me and if they ask, you don't know who I am. Do you understand?" You ask frantically and the girl nods fearfully.
As quickly as possible, you and Lucy Gray are flying out the back door and making a sprint for the trees behind the house.
"Any sign of the guns, or the girl? Mayor Lipp is sure she did it, or at least knows who did." A gruff voice of one of the peacekeepers has you and Lucy Gray both looking at each other, hands clutched over your mouths to keep quiet.
"None." His comrade replies, standing almost directly beneath you after they searched the yard. Clearly not very thoroughly, if they didn't see you and Lucy Gray sitting only about ten feet above their heads.
You cringe as he walks right over your garden, crushing the blooming raspberry bushes. "They arrested Plinth. Just got word, apparently, he was involved with rebels." The first man speaks again, and your eyes widen.
"Plinth? He's two beds down from me. Didn't expect that from him. He's a nice guy."
"No, I know. Anyway, he'll be executed this afternoon." You have to bite your lip to keep it from shaking under your hand, as if somehow that could give you away.
"Whatever, we'll come back later to get her." One of them says, making their way back through the house.
You hide in the branches and leaves until you're sure they're gone before carefully unsticking yourself from the ridged bark you were sitting on for far too long. You carefully climb down after Lucy Gray, making a quick effort to pull any stray sticks of leaves from your hair.
"What are we gonna do? They think I did it, I didn't do it, they'll kill me!" Lucy Gray panics, and you think about it while you quickly change into your dress.
"I think you have we have to run. Like you planned to do. We just have to follow through." You tell her, nodding to yourself.
Lucy Gray sighs, tipping her head back to look up at the sky. "I didn't even really want to go, I just wanted to get Billy Taupe off my ass."
"Well, he won't be there now." You say, looking her over. "How were they going to break that girl out?"
"Lil?" Lucy Gray asks, confused as she looks back at you. "I... I don't know, but it doesn't matter now, does it?"
"Did they have a plan? Did they write it down anywhere?" You ask again.
"Well, yes, but they didn't write it down. It was too risky."
"Tell it to me. Every detail you can remember." You urge her, trying to settle the panic rising behind your ribs.
Coriolanus had been out all morning with his team, looking for the weapon that killed the mayor's daughter and praying every moment that they wouldn't find it. After breaking down the doors of countless homes, he thought he would start to feel better. There was no way they would be caught, but he was regretting not taking the initiative to hide them himself. That way, he would at least know.
With his issued weapon in his hand, they were pacing down a desolate street. By now the whole district knew to lock themselves away, except for whoever he just saw in his peripheral vision through a narrow sidestreet. He turns his head fully, just catching the ends of their hair and the red in their short dress before they disappeared. He stops, quickly taking the turn into the side street and looking back to make sure no one had seen him depart from the group.
With the bag of tools thrown over your shoulder, you tried your very best to be quiet while walking through the city. Walking down a sidestreet, you found it was a challenge to be both fast and silent. At the sound of footsteps behind you, you hold the bag in your arms to prevent the tools from knocking together and step into a narrow doorway, back pressed to the wall.
You're breathing heavily, but keep it steady as the footsteps on the gravel of the road come to a stop. You hear them turn, presumably looking in both directions. You're in the middle of cursing yourself for being spotted when you hear a whistle. A calling one, baiting you to peek out from your hiding spot, but you don't budge. Another whistle. "Hey, Y/N? Is that you?" The whistle is followed by Coryo's voice whispering your name, and you're infinitely relieved.
You stepped out quietly, and you couldn't help but smile when you saw his familiar face. He meets you halfway, and you're quickly wrapping your arms around him. "Coryo..." You sigh, not ready to let go of him just yet.
"Hey, Y/N/N..." He whispers back, kissing your head. "Are you okay? What are you doing out? You need to get home."
"I can't." You shake your head, finally dropping your arms from around him. "Did you hear Sejanus got arrested this morning? He's going to be executed."
Coryo is in shock, jaw going slack as he tries to decide what to say. It must have been his recording, because there was nothing linking him to the murders.
"I'm going to break him out. Like they planned to do for that other girl."
Instantly at your statement, he shakes his head. "Absolutely not. You'll be caught and you'll be next. There's a poster of you in the head peacekeeper's office. I've seen it. They're looking for you here, it's too risky."
"I'm not going to let Sejanus die over something he didn't even do." You whisper, voice picking up in anger as you glare up at him.
"You can't, Y/N. I get why you'd want to, but it's not worth it." He insists.
"They won't catch us. I'm getting him out and we're running, just like they planned to do anyway."
Coryo scans your face for any sign at all that you may be kidding, but he finds none. "Don't. Don't go. I wanted to tell you this last night, but they're relocating me to Two. You can come with me. I'll get us both out of here."
"Closer to home?" You ask, a hint of hopefulness flitting in your eyes before it's quickly replaced with sadness. "Wait, no. No, they'll ship me back home, and then what? I'll be killed anyway, or worse." You sigh, shaking your head as you look down. This is probably about to turn into a goodbye you never wanted to say.
The idea of leaving him behind was breaking your heart, but would you really be leaving him? You knew what would happen to him. He'd go to Two, rise quickly in the ranks, and be elected president by the time he turned twenty-five. He would be okay, but would you be without him? You couldn't stomach the idea of taking such a bright future from him just because you had nothing left. "I have to go with them, Coryo. It's my only choice."
He can already see that there is no shot you'll be happy out there. You probably wouldn't last the week, either. He nods a little bit, taking your hand. "I'll come with you." He nods again, deciding it for himself. Coriolanus Snow is not about to say goodbye to the love of his life for the last time as someone she was pretending to be but never truly was, nothing more than a rebel from District Twelve.
"No, your relocation, it's your ticket home. You have to take it." You reply.
"It doesn't matter. If they find the gun, I'll be killed either way. Here, in Two, or back home. I can't escape it, same as you." He promises. "There's nothing for me there anyway. Not without you." Coryo says, rubbing his thumb gently over the side of your neck, warming the chilled skin there.
How could you say no? "Okay." You whisper, nodding slightly as your cheeks flush pink. "Can you leave tonight?"
"Uh, I, no." He shakes his head. "Earliest I can get away is sunrise."
"Shit... okay." You hum, looking around as if that will help you think. Undistracted from his all-consuming blue eyes looking into yours. "We can try and wait, then meet us at the hanging tree at dawn. If we're not there, hike to the cabin. We'll wait there if we can't hide here overnight."
He nods in confirmation, looking quickly over his shoulder as you both hear cheers and whoops of excitement making their way down the street toward you. "Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." He agrees.
"See you tomorrow." You give him a small smile, turning to continue on your way when he grabs your wrist. He's quick to pull you back to him, colliding his lips with yours. He always kisses like he's starving. God, you wouldn't be able to live without that.
"Be careful, Y/N/N." He warns as he pulls away. "Stay safe."
"Yes sir, mister president." You grin, kissing him again quickly before walking away. You turn as you walk backward to face him, giving him a salute.
Coryo smiles to himself smugly, nodding at you before rushing to rejoin the other peacekeepers in his squad as they drag Spruce back toward the compound.
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taglist: @totallynotkaibiased , @stelleduarte , @klplynn , @secretsicanthideanymore , @bejeweledreverie , @gloryekaterina , @andrewgarfieldsbitch , @queenofspades6 , @pepperonipastas , @ladybug0095 , @lunamothwrites , @sbrewer21 , @mus-tbe-a-weasley , @splxtscreen , @unclecrunkle , @karmaswitch , @coconut-dreamz , @nekee-lilac02 , @ooooglymoooogly , @riddlerloveb0t , @lovedbalances , @notyourwildestdream , @snowlandson-top , @too-lit-for-fanfic , @utopiakys , @deafeningballoonnacho , @roosterschanelslut , @chmpgneprblem , @cosmoetik , , @urvampgfsworld , @carolanns-world@nan-nie , @shakespearseclipse , @iovemoonyy , @notyoursweetheart-honey ,  @xyzstar , @eatpizzasass, @slytherinholland , @queenofshinigamis , @elodiebeau , @soulessjourney
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utilitycaster · 5 months
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forgive me if i don’t make sense bc i don’t really know how to articulate this, but taliesin talked a lot about “trying to figure out what punk means in exandria” and wondering what’s there to be angry about. and after the last string of episodes i feel like that it’s a question that he baked into ashton’s character. like yes ashton is punk and they have justified anger but the Rest of their anger is deflective to stop them from interrogating themselves and their decisions further. idk it’s really interesting to me
It is! It's something I really love about Ashton and it's something I think Taliesin was very thoughtful about in his character creation. I think Taliesin is extremely strong in character creation in general, and it's a rare person who can make a character based on a philosophical premise who also feels very real.
That really is the core of Ashton, and I think it's a great commentary. I do still intend to watch The Decline of Western Civilization Part III (winter break perhaps?) but I am broadly familiar with the gutter-punks on which Ashton was based, and again, the punk movement as a whole. There have always been politically-minded punks; but I advise you look up the backgrounds of, say, the average Fugazi/Minor Threat, Bad Religion, Dead Kennedys, or Propagandhi musician because they are, by and large, middle-class white guys with relatively stable and happy childhoods, and the idea of Ashton as someone dedicated to the Tumblr uwu kindness is punk "look at this perfect baby who doesn't steal pennies how kind and generous to only take literally everything else" archetype was always a massive projection. They've always been far more in the model of the Break Shit, Get Wasted punk than, well, the straight edge and veganism of the above.
(I also think that while it's true that a lot of punk houses did take in anyone and were something of a refuge for many a la Color In Your Cheeks, there was also a lot of Missing Stair Fallacy shit going on in the punk community even then. Ashton is in fact an example of the flaws in that sort of subculture: the Nobodies were there until they really, really weren't, and that's not unusual for that kind of punk friendship. It's found family until you're too inconvenient and dangerous to make it worth it. Taliesin explores this a lot, incidentally; that was very much what he was doing with Molly, and I would love to hear him talk about that kind of surface-level closeness that isn't strong enough to stick because as someone who both participates in fandom and loves to observe and analyze fandom as a phenomenon itself, it's a very real dynamic.)
Ashton has had an awful life. That's the premise. Nothing good has happened to them. There are plenty of valid reasons for them to be angry. Some are people who deserve it (their parents for the fucked up ritual; the Nobodies for abandoning them; Jiana Hexum for exploiting them), some are people who don't deserve their anger but to be fair haven't done anything to deserve their respect either (Percy, the gods), but many have been perfectly kind and reasonable and Ashton has rejected them because they're in a position of authority or seemed too nice. And there's plenty of stuff he's mad about that isn't easily pinned on anyone; the chronic pain is a shitty side effect of one or both of his traumas but no one person is responsible.
Ashton is an incredibly cynical person, and this extends to himself. As I've said before, I think they absolutely mean it when they say that they would have done the exact same thing the Nobodies would do, and this has been used to both cover up the intense hurt that came from their abandonment, but also, I think part of Ashton's own self-loathing comes from the fact that yeah, they are the kind of person who'd have done the same, and that isn't a very good person, and being angry at the Nobodies and Jiana and the world at large has allowed him to avoid looking that truth in the face. Ashton has always bounced between "I'll be the best broken thing I can be" and "what if I could be more? what if I could be what I could have been if things went well?" and also "who the fuck cares" and the reveal, that when the chips are down, he will make an ill-advised and self-destructive choice from that place of pain and anger has really rattled them. He can't keep just being angry and using that to shield himself from difficult questions. It won't just kill them, but it will hurt everyone around them too.
A really ugly truth of life is that even when something is completely not your fault and even when you have been dealt a rotten, unfair hand, often, you do have some degree of responsibility to deal with it ("And if it isn't my fault, I certainly didn't do anything to deal with it," as Ashton says.) The mere act of being angry is cathartic but doesn't actually solve anything. I think that's Keyleth's message to Orym, actually; it's not fair, and you're angry that it's not fair, but you need to use that anger to do things yourself instead of letting it consume you or passing the buck because it sure as hell isn't your turn. Ashton has, since the solstice, been playing tug of war with the idea that this anger has perhaps not been serving him, and he finally lost. Initially they realized a lot of this anger had been self-pity, but then, as they said, one week of thinking their parents actually were something led them to do the exact same dumb cult shit. Instead of stopping and listening to Evontra'vir and Allura, he said "no, I'm special, actually." And to be clear I think their motives were incredibly complicated and well-thought-out on Taliesin's part. It's not just because of his parents, it's not entirely selfish or out of heroics but those certainly did play a part, he did genuinely think it would help but he also ignored a number of warnings that it wouldn't. Again, I think the parallels between Ashton and FCG are glaringly obvious this episode, except Ashton hid their feelings with anger and FCG with a focus on everyone else's needs.
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keets-writing-corner · 3 months
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One thing I noticed is that Lucifer doesn't disassociate when singing, and what's one common factor in his songs? Charlie, so I like to imagine that in these instances he's so focused on her that his depression temporarily takes a back seat because he loves his kid so much that he forgets why he's sad in the first place.
ooh I like your headcanons!
hmm I guess we could look at this a couple of different ways (some of what I'm about to say comes from personal experience which may be different than what some other people experience so idk feel free to agree or disagree with my musings)
So dissociation doesn't [technically] affect your ability to speak, it affects your ability to focus. The way I was talking about it in my analysis was that it nerfed Lucifer's conversation comprehension, with him being unable to follow along the entire time (and consequently either has NO idea what anyone is talking about or only gets half the picture).
The only times Lucifer really fumbles his words is when he gets nervous around Charlie either cuz he's trying to make a good impression
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Or when he realizes his depression is biting him in the ass and he just missed crucial pieces of information and cannot bluff his way through the conversation
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Although shout out to that one time we caught him realizing he needed to bluff and stumbled a little
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But otherwise, he articulates himself perfectly fine, cuz again, dissociation isn't about speaking ability so much as it is about focus. Even in my bouts of dissociation I can verbalize myself just fine for the most part, it's whether or not what I have to say is relevant to the conversation, which uh Lucifer also showed off at some point when he thought Charlie was asking him about the hotel's appearance rather than her actual plan to redeem sinners and comments on the railings. (Or idk there is another interpretation that he was avoiding the subject, maybe it was both he disassociated while Charlie was explaining everything to him but did catch that she wanted to redeem sinners at some point, but didn't quite understand what she was asking until she clarified? he didn't seem surprised when she did clarify so I'm assuming he ended up catching it at least once)
So I'm bringing this up because it ends up being kinda hard to tell whether or not he is or is not disassociating when he sings, cuz the dissociation wouldn't affect the singing at all.
When he's having a sing battle against Alastor, sure he's articulating himself well and presenting his points, but we don't actually know whether or not he's following along what Alastor is saying. Honestly, Lucifer vs Alastor just seemed like 2 territorial chickens yelling at each other trying to be louder than the other one. Maybe Lucifer is catching everything cuz his jealous and rage helped him focus for once, maybe he's not catching everything but he doesn't need to catch everything to know that he doesn't like Alastor and he doesn't need to focus to tell Alastor how much he dislikes him.
But what about the other two songs, "More than Anything" and "Finale"?
He is technically outright having a conversation with Charlie in the first one and in the second one, he seems fully aware of the context of the situation and is focusing more on a lifting spirits role
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Well it could be a lot of things I think. I don't think it's that the depression or the sadness took a back seat, that's still present. From my own experiences, it is possible to get yourself to focus in a dissociative episode when the subject matter is something you're passionate about or in Lucifer's case, someone that he loves. We know the dissociation was unfortunately strong enough that it was making him miss out on a lot of things Charlie (aforementioned loved one) was telling him, especially in the beginning.
But looking at "More than Anything" what changed in that scene? He was with Charlie the entire episode but that was the first scene where he really managed to hold a conversation. I think it was a combination of: Okay his baby girl is there and she NEEDS him, and he opens up as to why he's hesitant about her plan. He's not explicit with the mention of his trauma, but trauma does make someone more alert. I'd also like to give a special shout out to @in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene who made these lovely tags on my analysis post
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Specifically, I want to talk about that they mention that Lucifer is being a lot more genuine in his song with Charlie, aka he's not masking. He's not trying to hide or bluff how he's doing. He's not putting on a show, he's not being goofy or larger than life, he's being genuine and his genuine self is tired, sad and resigned. Let me tell you, my dissociation is 100% worse when I'm masking.
I think in "More Than Anything" a mix of things are going on, he's not needing to mask for a minute which boosts the focus, he's opening up about trauma and it's being gently received which boosts focus, and he's talking to someone he loves about something he was once passionate about which boosts focus. So ye! It could entirely be that in that song he was not dissociating!
As far as "Finale" I legitimately can't really tell whether or not he is? He's not really having a conversation with anyone, he's just trying to uplift his daughter, and again, in my experiences, dissociation doesn't necessarily nerf your ability to speak. We also know that he knows how to put on a show even in the depths of the dissociation like in "Hell's Greatest Dad" soooo as for that song... -shrug-?????
There is an element here that we have to take into account. Hazbin Hotel is a traditional musical, so we must look at a theater saying, "When the emotion becomes too strong for speech, you sing." Which is more or less what happened in all the songs Lucifer was a part in, so there's definitely some meta technical things going on in that a song wouldn't be very dramatic if the person singing it was dissociating the whole time? I mean I guess it could be done, I've just never seen it? Usually the musical number has to be clear in its purpose. The protagonist of Dear Even Hansen can sing just fine when any other speaking parts he fumbles with his words a lot.
AAAAAAALLL of this to say: Does Lucifer stop disassociating when he sings? -shrugs- I think it really depends on the context, but I wouldn't at all be surprised cuz high emotion can lead to greater focus in a moment. Although it's really cute to think that he doesn't dissociate cuz singing with Charlie is just that much of a boost for him cuz he loves his wittle girl
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adventures-in-teyvat · 7 months
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alright everyone hear me out. they would be the most autistic power couple
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first of all, they simply would not piss each other off. i rest my case
jk i have more shit to spew. they have so much in common it’s insane—the autism runs rampant through their veins
they would just fucking get each other you know ?? i cant stop thinking about how lynette literally uses “robotic” language to describe her energy levels and sometimes even fucking pretends she’s a puppet or doesnt deny rumors about that because it helps her avoid social interaction. her idea of a good time is recharging by petting cats and drinking tea. like holy autism
kuni would probably think she’s chill and maybe the least annoying person he’s ever met because she just minds her business, speaks with honesty, does not engage in small talk, and generally doesnt give a shit what he thinks. and that’s kind of really amazing for him because that means he doesnt have to put on a show. she’s not concerned with offending him, and she pretty much doesn’t ever take offense at things he says, so he neither has to worry about his words nor her perception of him.
they can sit and do nothing together. they can drink bitter tea and say nothing and pet cats and be content while he works on his thesis. they dont assume anything unspoken, they communicate if they want to say something, they dont have to worry about mysterious underlying social rules with each other, they dont have to sugarcoat anything.
basically what im trying to say is they share a brain cell
both concerned with protection, afraid of losing people/harm coming to their loved ones
lynette is incredibly strong and resilient, but that doesn’t change the fact that she was a victim, and the people who know what happened to her (like lyney) (and in this hc, wanderer :3) would protect her so fiercely like aaaa idk if it’s just me projecting but i just really love the idea of them clinging to each other because they are so desperate to protect each other and aauauauayau heheaheheahah the angst
they might (MIGHT, im stretching but hear me out) know each other/have heard of each other because fatui (i think at the very least lynette would have certainly known about scaramouche as a harbinger, and it’s not too likely he’d have heard about her specifically, but he would probably be aware that the knave is the “father” of the house of hearth, so he’d be familiar with her affiliation in that way)
so anyways all i can think about lately is them growing close to each other and then being basically telepathic
like they just know how the other is feeling at any time and since they share many of the same feelings about people and socializing, they would just get each other and know what the other needs like AAAH I CANT FUCKING ARTICULATE WHAT I MEAN EXACTLY AND ITS SO FRUSTRATING I JUST. I THINK THEY WOULD UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER AND. YEAH. FUCK
also theyre cats🔊🔊🔊🔊
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wc-confessions · 3 months
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re: WC misogyny
This is solely to get my thoughts out abt this bc I’m probably not gonna be able to articulate this to the best of my ability but I feel like it’s incredibly important to say that these books are pretty damn misogynistic and so was the fanbase for the longest time.
Not saying that to be "throwing the word around without knowing what the word means", because misogyny is defined as a dislike/contempt against women. This can also absolutely be an unconscious bias (which is primarily what I see anyway!) I've seen far more people dismiss these characters while holding up male ones that do similar/worse things (i.e. Thistleclaw primarily but a lot of the MV characters to an extent)
The reason why discussion about sexism usually ends up against cats like Mapleshade, Squirrelflight, Frecklewish, and Nightcloud is primarily due to how the universe of the books is written to chastise these characters while their male counterparts go thru barely half of the shit thrown onto the girls.
Mapleshade gets her kids and herself exiled for breaking the code while Appledusk literally gets a slap on the wrist for breaking the same code she did? The Riverclan leader just tells him "well, you'll not do it again so you don't need to be punished" while Mapleshade doesn't even get to bury her kits. Even if she's the Warrior Cats evil woman that's still really fucked up!? And this goes to Frecklewish as well, who does not watch them drown oh my god. The flood that kills Maple's kits is incredibly loud--saying Freckle would have been able to do anything else OTHER than watch dismisses the fact going to the flooded stones was an idea doomed to fail (of which Mapleshade has a lot of in MV specifically.)
Frecklewish absolutely ended up in the Dark Forest over Oakstar or Ravenwing (who both condemned the kittens to their fate instead of?? idk punishing Maple and not the kits who didn't even know they were half clan?) because of the way the fandom perceived her at the time. Freckle's a lot like Squirrelflight where fandom opinion only recently shifted to people defending those characters--she's pretty awful for calling the same kits she doted on half-clan creatures! But I don't think she deserved to go to cat hell forever when the cat who actually caused those kittens to end up dead (and every other cat in MV!) ends up in Starclan without even so much of a trial.
Speaking of trials--Squirrelflight and Leafpool literally end up almost being sent to CAT HELL for following Starclan's orders. Leafpool ends up having forbidden kits but Starclan goes "it's okay!" until it isn't. Brambleclaw almost being involved in Firestar's fox trap murder never gets mentioned or brought up while both of the girls are questioned about if they even belong in Starclan because they "broke the code and lied"?? There's a pretty damn big bias towards the toms for doing bad/worse actions but Bramble never went to Starclan and had his ticket for heaven almost revoked. Oakstar didn't get put in the Dark Forest because he exiled 3 innocent kits.
I think it's important to note the fandom has a lot of say over how characters like these get interpreted (which is why Nightcloud ended up being hated a lot despite the fact Crowfeather is just. actually abusive to Breezepelt.) That's why I brought up unconscious biases, because I think generally a lot of WC content creators tend to stick to presenting the stories in a more radical/black and white way.
I think the discussion really should be that the books and the stories ARE pretty misogynistic but unconsciously so? A lot of the story beats I mentioned weren't written by just one person, and the Erins have different opinions on these cats than the fans do. That's not me stating an opinion, that's just me saying recognizing that it's very male-oriented IS an issue these books have.
Anyways this got way too wordy, Ashfur is one of my favorite villains so I don't even know why I typed all of this up /j.
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trans-cuchulainn · 6 days
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What's your favorite medieval stories with suspiciously queer themes?
ALL medieval stories or just medieval irish ones? because if we go for all medieval stories i think we will be here all night lol
but for irish ones... well, i'm basic, i'm an ulster cycle bitch, no matter how many times i've read táin bó cúailnge and specifically the 'comrac fir diad' episode, i never get over it (and i have read it dozens and dozens of times at this point)
i think the thing about CFD is that, yes, it's very homoerotic, but it's sort of more than that: it's about the conflict between a bond of love that you (mostly) chose, and the bonds of obligation and family loyalty that you were born into. and it's about the way that those youthful relationships get obliterated by adult responsibilities and obligations. for me there's something deeply tragic and deeply queer about that tension and the way it juxtaposes different types of relationship? idk i'm explaining this really, really badly right now but it's a story that says "would you turn your back on your family and your people for a man you loved" and the answer is "no"! love does not win! sometimes the other bonds in your life not only tear you away from someone you care about but make you do the tearing!
and yet cú chulainn's lament for fer diad really articulates the fact that there was love there. it wasn't nothing and it wasn't easily abandoned. and it sort of functions almost as a protest against the narrative, and an act of defiance against the people who set up that situation, and an ultimate expression of feeling that comes too late to be heard by its subject. which is a lot. and i think it is a big turning point for cú chulainn himself in terms of understanding violence as violence, as damage that can't be undone, as something that has a cost
and i think all of that has more weight if you read into the homoerotics of it but i think the weight of it is still there even if you don't. it's about love vs duty and duty wins – and that absolutely sucks for everyone. it's powerful.
i also love just like, everything cú chulainn and láeg have got going on, frankly. i think you see it the most clearly in texts like oidheadh con culainn and tóruigheacht gruaidhe griansholus because late texts actually let their characters express emotions out loud, but there's so much there even in earlier texts if you're willing to read between the lines. and plenty of it in táin bó cúailnge, even
so really the general message here is that we should all read the táin and have feelings about it
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