#also makes me wish I had higher extensions :(((

[percheduphere]

people saying, oh it wasn't intended from the beginning so it wasn't intentional thus has to stay fanfiction bug me. like, shows can develop organically based on chemistry. they can surprise you and take you in a direction that wasn't planned but now just works. like, fucking, chandler and monica wasn't planned from the beginning! but the actors had chemistry and the writers tried it out and it became iconic. you don't throw something away just because it surprised you instead of being pre-planned; you cultivate whatever gold you find!

With Hollywood entertainment in particular, I think there is a lot of ignorance regarding how the creative process, production process, post-production process, and business all work. It is readily apparent that in Hollywood, there are many hands in the kitchen when it comes to creating a movie, documentary, or show. The "Original Intent" argument is weakest when it comes to Hollywood art, and in fact fails to be a viable argument in multiple areas. I will discuss how the "Original Intent" argument fails in Hollywood in more depth under the read more, using what I know from having worked in the industry myself as a writer. And to be honest, the fact I have to pull my private professional history out online, just to prove I'm not being delulu when it comes to the importance of queer subtext in film, pisses me the fuck off.

To be clear, since this whole discourse mess on my Tumblr is likely the result of someone thinking I'm an anti-sylki: I AM NOT AN ANTI. I have an extensive analysis on Sylvie as an integral character to the Loki series, Sylki in canon, and her relationship with Mobius here.

I agree with you: a lot of amazing art deviates from the original intention, especially writing. If deviating from original intent in the writing process did not exist, we would not have DRAFT REVISIONS, we would not have IMPROV, we would not have EDITORS (whose entire job hinges on giving the writer not only grammar corrections, but feedback on how to IMPROVE character, plot, and pacing, which inherently means making changes from the original intent!). This is to say nothing of the thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, of media scholars--with actual PhDs--who spend years of their lives performing meta-analysis to write academic papers on subject matters like this. Papers that become formal publications and contribute to how queer history is taught in universities! This is no different than academic scholars analyzing women and race representation and resistance in film. Why should analyzing queer representation and resistance in film be treated any less?

LET'S TALK ABOUT ORIGINAL CREATIVE INTENT VS POWER HIEARCHY & POLITICS IN HOLLYWOOD

For context with respect to this ask, a different Tumblr user critiqued against queer subtext in one of my posts using the "original intent" argument for the Loki series and Lokius specifically. By this logic, if original intent is always honored, then the original script for Loki's S2E5 (written by Eric Martin) would not have been NUKED by the executive powers that be at Marvel. [source] But no, the original intent was not honored, it was rejected. So how does one square the primacy of original intent with original intent being rejected by people who are not the artist but the people who manage Disney's finances?

In television, "Executive Producer" (i.e. Tom Hiddleston, Michael Waldron, Eric Martin, etc.) is a title that can be given to a writer or actor who has more creative say in the execution of a story than a regular staff writer or actor on crew. It also indicates that the writer or actor is in a much higher salary range compared to their professional peers. It does NOT mean the same thing as a CORPORATE "Producer" of Kevin Feige's level, who ultimately has the FINAL SAY on what does NOT end up on the cutting room floor. The corporate Producer must take into account the wishes of corporate's shareholders and board of directors, who are often multi-million if not multi-billion global investors who need the distribution of the product to succeed internationally in countries like China, which is very anti-LGBTQAI+. This is how a script like Eric Martin's S2E5 can be nuked and the writer can be contractually gagged from talking about its specific contents by Disney, lest they be SUED TO HELL for breaking their non-disclosure agreements (NDAs).

This doesn't even take into account politics.

In 2020, Ike Perlmutter, Chair of Marvel, "gave $575,000 to Trump For Victory, $35,500 to the Republican National Committee in April, $5600 for Texans For Ronny Jackson in February. 2019 saw him donate $248,000 to the Republican National Committee, $466,100 to Trump For Victory, $5,600 to Donald Trump For President." His wife, Laura, mirrored those donations. "In late 2016, he also gave $5,000,000 to the Great America PAC." [source] Ike was only recently laid off from his position in March 2023 [source]. Perlmutter was in a power-struggle at Marvel with Kevin Feige for years. Feige was promoted to Chief Creative Officer in 2019, which brought the power struggle to a head, ultimately contributing to Perlmutter's departure.

There is also Bob Iger, CEO of Disney, who was famously quoted during the Writers Guild of America strike for saying, “It’s very disturbing to me. We’ve talked about disruptive forces on this business and all the challenges we’re facing, the recovery from COVID which is ongoing, it’s not completely back. This is the worst time in the world to add to that disruption”

This is the worst time in the world to negotiate to pay your writers, YOUR CREATIVE LABOR FORCE, who entertained millions of people while they were stuck in their homes for 2 years, fairly?

And these are just two men in executive power at Marvel and Disney. We're not even talking about all the other board members and shareholders. You think Tom Hiddleston, Michael Waldron, and Eric Martin have any real power compared to these guys? They do not. They are peons by comparison. And these artists (despite their "Executive Producer" title) are always at odds with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers (AMPTP), who are ultimately not artists but FINANCIERS.

Here's another quote from a studio executive that occurred during the writer's strike:

"Receiving positive feedback from Wall Street since the WGA went on strike May 2, Warner Bros Discovery, Apple, Netflix, Amazon, Disney, Paramount and others have become determined to “break the WGA,” as one studio exec blatantly put it.  

To do so, the studios and the AMPTP believe that by October most writers will be running out of money after five months on the picket lines and no work.

“The endgame is to allow things to drag on until union members start losing their apartments and losing their houses,” a studio executive told Deadline. Acknowledging the cold-as-ice approach, several other sources reiterated the statement. One insider called it “a cruel but necessary evil.”" [source 1] [source 2]

Fortunately, this negative press and the WGA members' solidarity led to the WGA getting everything they demanded. I still have friends in the industry, specifically in the WGA and MPEG. A lot of them were indeed starved out. My friend who's a film editor is still unemployed because pre-production has only recently started to ramp up again and her profession is all in post. She has to wait for production to catch-up and finish in order to get work.

If the AMPTP is willing to use clearly unethical tactics to underpay their writers and actors (don't forget the SAG-AFTRA strike that joined later), do we really think members of the AMPTP (the studio execs) are willing to honor artists' original intent if the original intent may be "offensive to some viewers" and therefore can potentially cut into their financial bottom line?

We're not naive. We know the answer to this.

OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH, KILLING EVE, AND GOOD OMENS

But what about OFMD, KE, and GO? These shows are on MAX, BBC, and Amazon Prime respectively. These corporations have a different branding image than Disney. Disney touts itself as "family friendly"; (read: on-screen LGBTQAI+ affection between two lead characters is "not family friendly"). MAX and BBC's branding type also affords them the luxury of creating content for niche audiences. Disney, on the other hand, makes additional revenue through using their plethora of licenses to make toys, additions to their theme parks, and other merch. If a parent is offended that a canonically queer character like Loki has romantic love not just for Sylvie but also for Mobius (a same-sex relationship), what are the odds of parents like them not buying Disney's merchandise? We can apply this same question to Star Wars, Pixar, and any of Disney-branded animation or live action movies. How deeply can audience offense potentially cut into Disney's bottom line? If there were no discrimination taking place, we would have LGBTQAI+ representation through a lead character in any one of their licenses already. We do not, and that is a huge red flag.

In addition, these entertainment corporations (who do not tout themselves as "family friendly") generate other sources of revenue elsewhere. Netflix generates international revenue through the production of international programming like "Squid Game" and other K-dramas such as "The Glory" or Mexican shows including, "The Surrogacy" and "Haunted: Latin America". MAX is struggling. They were bought out for that reason. With AppleTV and Hulu, their target audiences are more diverse, they offer a variety of media product, and their business strategy is ultimately different from Disney. All of this grants them more freedom in what kind of characters they choose to represent, including LGBTQAI+ characters.

Remember House and Wilson from House M.D.? That show was on FOX. We know the political alignment of FOX. Dean and Castiel from Supernatural? WB Television. Both shows came out before streaming became dominant, and thus, these shows had to cater to anyone who might happen to land on their channels. When the market demands that you cater to the widest possible audience in order to generate the largest revenue, the creatives are forced to create relatively conservative artistic product. Hence, creative censorship and our long history of queer subtext.

At Nickelodeon, the artists actually had the support of corporate to move forward with Korrasami because the final season Legend of Korra was only available online. It did not air on their channel. If that had not been the case, corporate would not have approved Korrasami. However, that approval was contingent upon the artists being subtle subtle about Korra and Asami's relationship. Even in this canon ship, the animators relied on subtext for queer romance.

Not helping Disney's case is the cancellation of "The Owl House". Why was "The Owl House" canceled? It didn't fit Disney's "brand". [source]

THE FAILURES OF THE "ORIGINAL INTENT" ARGUMENT IN HOLLYWOOD

The "Original Intent" argument fails when it comes to art in Hollywood because:

Original Intent can change, and often does change, during the creative process. This applies to all forms of art, not just Hollywood.

Multiple artists are involved in pre-production, production, and post-production. At any point in this 3-part process of filmmaking, original intent can be changed for a variety of reasons.

Studio Executives, Boards of Directors, and Corporate Shareholders have more power than the artists in Hollywood. If they think a product will not make money, they will order changes accordingly.

Disney specifically touts itself as "family friendly". Its lack of a lead character (in ANY of its live-action licenses) being in an openly queer relationship with someone who presents as the same sex, is the direct result of not wanting to lose conservative audiences.

Non-Disclosure Agreements (NDAs) are common in Hollywood and prevent artists from providing specifics regarding original intent. This is done not only to safeguard corporate's intellectual property (IP), but to also safeguard their public relations image.

THE ORIGINAL INTENT ARGUMENT WEAPONIZED

The "original intent" mindset can be either very naive or very cynical, depending on the thinker's motives for choosing this belief. Naive, in that thinking creative purity actually exists (it does not) or that oppression does not still occur in Hollywood (it does). Cynical, in that either the thinker doesn't believe in artists intentionally finding ways around mass produced arts' media censorship, which has in turn created our rich history of queer subtext in film, OR the thinker wants the "original intent" argument to invalidate a change they do not like.

The last motive is the same strategy used by fans who reject Miles Morales as being a real Spider-Man. The same strategy fans use to deny that Shuri is indeed the new Black Panther. Both are tactics used to mask racism and sexism beneath the veneer of "creative purity". Fans who have internalized racism, sexism, or queer-phobia may also use this tactic at a subconscious level to protect themselves emotionally from disappointment. Finally, there are fans who use this argument to invalidate another ship, usually a queer ship that cannot be formally canonized because of corporate studio power.

Regardless of the reasoning, using this argument is frequently insidious because it perpetuates straight white male dominance in media representation.

PERSONAL LIVED EXPERIENCE

I'm an old poc queer and have worked in Hollywood long enough to know that the writers' original vision rarely ever--IF EVER--pans out as originally intended. If you ever sit through a movie and wonder why the story feels so weird in certain parts, I can guarantee you that about 2/5ths of the time, a corporate producer stepped in and messed with the original story in post-production (usually in an poor, over-worked editor's dark editing bay) and ordered reshoots the director may not have agreed with.

I've also worked in the industry long enough to know that it is an absolutely toxic work environment in which women, people of color, and queer people still struggle to get a creative foothold anywhere. My first experience pitching a script to a prospective agent involved being asked to meet at a hotel for drinks. We didn't talk about my writing at all. What I thought would be a pitch meeting was actually the writer's version of the "Hollywood casting couch". Yes, I was propositioned. No, nothing happened to me. I walked out. This happened to me in June 2008. It was not my last experience. The "Me Too" movement that came years later in 2017 was in response to situations I have encountered like this.

Those of us who succeed are very rare, and 97% of the time, the executive staff is very, very white and male. There is absolutely oppression and exploitation of all sorts still happening in Hollywood. I fucking lived it and continue to have nightmares about it.

QUEER SUBTEXT STILL EXISTS

Thus, to deny queer subtext's validity as an art form and to only accept the words of those who are either in power or limited in what they can say because of those in power, undermines not only the artists' efforts to tell the story they want to tell but cannot tell explicitly, it also undermines queer joy and queer resistance in cinema. And yes, sometimes those artists are cis straight white male allies who want to tell these stories because they simply make sense for the characters. These people are the artists, not the financiers.

It's more mature to embrace, or at least leave alone, the loud joy others experience from shipping and performing meta-analysis instead of publicly pissing on them with the profoundly weak and ignorant argument of "original intent". Don't mess with me on this. The number of scripts I have worked on that completely warped from what I wanted, and then to have my writing credit removed or stolen, still makes me sick. Yes, I'm bitter, but I'm also glad I left.

#loki #mobius #lokius #loki season 2 #writing #art #asks #queer cinema #lgbt representation #lgbtqia representation #lgbtqai #lgbtqia #hollywood #politics #entertainment industry #art vs capitalism #capitalism #personal #wga #hollywood industry

[ruthlesslistener]

do you have any headcanons for anything you've been holding onto, but haven't had a good chance to post about? I love your fics and I wanna peer into your mind palace

Shhdhchs EXCELLENT bc ive had a lot of thoughts but this quarter + anxiety in general has been killin me

-Okay so I'm still hyperfixated on Destiny 2 bc of a DnDestiny game I'm in, but since Hollow Knight is a special interest and I read a couple of frankly stunning crossover fics (one with the Inheritance Cycle, one with Transformers, both are outstanding and I will recc them wholeheartedly if you ask- the TF one especially blew my tits clean off which is saying something bc I have zero TF knowledge, also its 500k words but I'm rambling), my brain has been essentially locked into the concept of a crossover AU where a couple of my D2 OCs get slingshot into the HK world via a fucked-up warpgate through wish-dragon magic, and it's now got me kind of obsessed with the idea of the world of Hollow Knight taking place on an alien planet that had some convergent evolution re: general insect body plans, but went off the fuckin' rails with everything else. So here's some worldbuilding thoughts on that:

-Their planet would be far from Earth and the origin place of the Ahamkara and precursor race to the Worm Gods, who are distant relatives to each other that took to the stars to opportunistically feed off of rifts in reality. They are in turn sister taxa to the Wyrms and Higher Beings from Hollow Knight, who also feed off of the wants, desires, and gulf between what-is-desired-and-what-is-true, but unlike the worms and wish-dragons, the Higher Beings are essentially 'settled' species. They're the farming civilization to the hunter-gatherers of their Destiny-based kindred, and yes, both branches of the family tree fucking despise each other and look down scornfully on the other's lifestyle. The Higher Beings view the Worms and Ahamkara as little more than scavengers, while the Worms and Ahamkara see the Higher Beings as glorified slavedrivers with sticks up their asses- though it should be noted that since the Ahamkara's whole deal so far has been malignant trickery as a hunting style, this doesn't neccessarily carry the same negative connotations that it would in our society. I also don't know enough about the proto-Worms to say how their race would react, but the Worm Gods as they are now certainly are something that Wyrms would look down on

-(Yes that means I have thought extensively about the Pale King's ghost bristling aggressively at a baby ahamkara barely a few hours old. In my defense, it's funny, and also I almost never remember to write him as the cold, prickly, arrogant ass that he is bc his kids make him Big Sad)

-The planet would likely be smaller than Earth with lighter gravity, though how much smaller I can't say because I'm not a fuckin' physicist. I just want an excuse for making fuckoff-huge animals a thing even beyond the inherent space magic thing going on

-Oh, and most life is underground because the atmosphere is thinner than Earth and so the upper surface gets bombarded with deadly amounts of radiation, which causes the mind-wiping effects of the Wastes (where the angle towards their sun is the greatest and thus the strongest). Ngl I did briefly think about potential magnetic field fluxes also being the cause of that effect but like, I cannot overstate how little I know of things outside biology

-HK being set on an alien planet lets me do wack shit with the species there too bc I'm no longer bound by comparing them to Earthbound species. For example, I can make Quirrel an isopod with cricket legs. Who's going to stop me, God? He doesn't exist here

-That also means I can stop being bothered by Herrah's dubious leg placement bc it would kill me forever otherwise

-Also, them being on an alien planet gives me even more of an excuse to never put traditional vertebrate species in there, which is great. I've said it before, but putting Earth vertebrates in the HK setting totally ruins all the fun for me because I love the concept of all the species diversity being made up of invertebrates, and that the 'advanced' bugs we see have filled the niche that vertebrates would have otherwise taken over. Like the carboniferous period but on steroids

General HK thoughts too:

-been toying with the idea of wyrms having a set of evertable inner jaws like polychaete worms, which would be used for keeping dirt out of the mouth and biting off chunks to eat, while the outer jaws (the ones we see) are used for killing, digging, and sparring with other wyrms. The idea is that the outer ring of mandibles bites big circular chunks out of the substrate, which then breaks off into tiny pieces they filter out in between gaps in their mandibles and pack down into tunnel walls as they move forward

-I've also been toying with the idea of them secreting some kind of mucus as they dig that's almost a calcifying substance, but now that I think about it, I can probs just put those glands in their frontal mouth so if they need to reinforce a tunnel (like, say, one burrowed in sand instead of rock), they can mix their saliva in with the substrate to chemically solidify the tunnel walls

-Which btw is a major thing for ecosystems bc the tunnels are used for lots of different things by lots of different species. Wyrms are terraformers baybee!! Kinda the same way wildfires are, but still

-I've also been thinking about maybe making it so that the row of plates I like to draw on their backs act as a secondary pair of belly scutes, which means that wyrms can slither just as easily upside down as they can on their undersides, which helps underground. It's not as efficient as the super-smooth scales on a blind snake, but that's the tradeoff they get for needing to be so heavily armoured

-I'm also leaning towards making marine/freshwater variants that are just straight-up bobbit worms on even more steroids, but since I already have fuckoff huge marine alien bobbit worms in a scifi setting of mine, I'd need to figure out a way to make them unique

-I learned that there's internalized folds of exoskeleton for muscle attatchment in my invertebrate biology course and got really excited about that being a potential basis for the formation of skeletal elements in the world of Hollow Knight- like, maybe bug bones started off as those lil folds (i forgot their technical name which is embaressing bc i literally just took the final this night) becoming stronger and deeper-set into the body to better support the weight of larger and larger bugs, and then it spiraled into a skeleton analogue from there. Being derived from the exoskeleton probably means that it would be less strong than our bones, but it would likely also be lighter

Misc:

-God I really need to write Hornet in Silksong so bad. Fuck. I need need need to write this mildly autistic unsocialized princess running amok in a civilization that isn't ready for her. Also my interpretation of Lace is basically an oc at this point but I don't want to do anything with her just yet bc that shits a lot of work, I just need to write everything down for her so far (and tbh Lurien probs also counts at this point but thats more filling a niche that TC left unfufilled)

-I've also got gijinka thoughts in that I'm leaning towards making Lurien a trans guy who didn't have any gender-affirming surgeries bc a.) I love love love making a variety of trans characters and b.) Hallownest isn't a society where the concept of being transgender is an issue, so there's no need to do it to pass, only to prioritize your own comfort. And since Lurien never expected to be seen in anything but his formalware, he never saw the point of bothering

-(The aformentioned point also applies to normal bug Lurien but this is more of a personal thing here)

-Need to focus more on how the latent magic of the god of a realm changes your eye colour, with the more intense the shade = the more involved you are with their magic. Using Lurien as an example again: his eyes were brown naturally, but after he became Watcher, they slowly shifted to shades of paler and paler blue. I also like the idea of Quirrel's eyes getting more blue the more memories of Hallownest he unlocks, until they're the same shade as the Blue Lake in his final scene

-This can also happen in reverse; for example, my Lace gijinka starts off with gold eyes to signify the church of Pharloom's hold over her, but then slowly revert back to brown as Hornet gives her more and more hope that the institution can be toppled, until they're eventually their natural deep brown with just the faintest flecks of silver in them (signifying Hornet's importance in her life)

-It just occurred to me the other day when I was at work that Striga and Morgana from Castlevania S3 are almost exactly how I imagined my Vespa and Herrah gijinkas to be and now I can't stop thinking about it. The main difference is that my Herrah is a fat spider-orc with tats and Vespa is a fae queen with bee features shimmering through her human veil, but still. Its uncanny

#anon #reply #hollow knight #hollow knight headcanons #ramblings #there were more but alas im eepy and brainburnt from tests #theyll come back to me eventually

[goldenavenger02]

you'll be alright (no one can hurt you now)

For @badthingshappenbingo Prompt: Hiding An Injury

Hakoda wasn't going to bring it up to any of the teens, but he had a sinking feeling that the week would not be as fun-filled as Aang was hoping.

If Hakoda was being honest with himself, he wasn't completely sure when he started seeing the former prince, now Fire Lord, not as an adversary but as one of the kids.

It would make sense if it had started after he accompanied his own son to save him, as well as Suki, from the Boiling Rock; Hakoda, who had to fight the urge to reprimand the then sixteen year old for putting himself in danger after finding out about the cooler.

But to him, he was more confident that it had been around the time of the coronation; when he saw just how broken Sokka's leg was and heard the tale of how the young Fire Lord had nearly died in order to save Katara's life.

Hakoda knew that he could not stay in the Fire Nation forever, nor did he want to when he finally had the chance to be with his children after the long, miserable years without them.

But he would have been lying if he had said that the reason he had postponed his return to the South Pole wasn't so he could be confident that the teenager wouldn't reinjure himself within a few days of that crown being nestled into his hair.

He should have known that he would be promoted to Head Chieftain upon his return to Wolf Cove, which ended up taking away more time from Katara and Sokka then he would have liked; it didn't make him feel any less guilty that they were simultaneously being pulled across the nations and into more danger then he ever wanted them in again despite the war being over, all with Aang by their side.

Hakoda liked Aang, it was hard not to get along with someone so happy, kind and understanding as the Avatar himself who also made time to play with the other kids in between all of the stuffy meetings that the teenager was subjected to, but he just wished that he would stay put.

And so, maybe that was why he bit the bullet and sent the letter to the new Fire Lord, extending his invitation to the South Pole; while the rest of the higher ups would want to extensively question the teenager about his priorities, he knew he was being mildly selfish in hoping that the response he received about the visit being confirmed and scheduled would be enough to get his children to stay put for more than a few days.

"Do you think Zuko has ever been penguin sledding?" Aang asked one night at the dinner table while sneaking some of the pieces of his bread to Momo, who had refused to be kicked out and curled up next to Aang's ankles at every meal.

"Do I think Zuko, former prince of the Fire Nation who had a stick so far up his as-" a nudge to Sokka's ribs from Katara, seemingly keeping him from swearing. Sokka skipped over the profanity as if it had never left his mouth, "who spent three years of his life hunting you down and is now so busy as the Fire Lord that I'm lucky if he talks to me for more than five minutes whenever I'm there, has been penguin sledding? Yeah, that's gonna be a hard pass, buddy."

"Gonna put it on the list, then."

"Aang, he's coming for work. Like Sokka said, he's been really busy."

"I know," Aang muttered, seeming more like the thirteen year old that he really was rather than the all-powerful Avatar whose very name made grown men tremble in fear, "but he's going to be here for an entire week. He has to have some free time, right?"

Hakoda could tell by Katara's nod, followed by a quick peck on Aang's cheek, that it was more of a hope than genuine confirmation.

They wouldn't end up waiting a long time for Zuko's arrival, however, when the single airship arrived in the South Pole just a few days later and out walked the Fire Lord along with two guards following behind.

"Fire Lord Zuko, welcome to the South Pole."

"Chief Hakoda," the teenager greeted with perfect posture and a professional smile, "thank you for the invitatio-ooff."

It had been going well until the Avatar himself wrapped the Fire Lord into a bone-crushing hug, followed closely behind by Katara while Sokka went around behind him and dumped the fresh snow down the back of his shirt.

To Hakoda's surprise, however, the guards didn't move despite the onslaught of "Fire Lord Hotman" from Aang, belly laughs from Katara and the snowball fight that broke out between Sokka and Zuko.

"I'm not going to tell you two how to do your job," he started, gaining the older guard's attention before pointing at the group of teenagers, "that being said…"

"I'm just glad it's snow and not leaves this time, Chief Hakoda."

"The autumn equinox in Ba Sing Se was a nightmare for the royal stylist." The younger guard added, still firmly in his post.

He had been a parent for sixteen years, and he knew that sometimes, it was not worth asking for more context.

After a few more minutes, however, the group of four seemingly remembered just why Zuko had arrived and helped him off the ground while he brushed off the excess snow from his clothes.

"My apologies, Chief Hakoda." Zuko bowed in his direction with a bright flush on his cheeks; whether it was from impromptu snowball fight or embarrassment, he couldn't tell.

"Well, that is the most I have seen my daughter laugh in a long time, so consider yourself forgiven." Hakoda was smiling as he wrapped his arm around a still giggling Katara while the Fire Lord stood up, but he could feel it morph into a frown as he noticed just how pale he seemed to be, "anyway, why don't we get some lunch?"

"Yes, I'm starving! You are going to love seal jerky, Zuko!" His son insisted as he wrapped his arm around his friend's shoulder, nearly knocking his knees out from under him due to the lack of tread on the Fire Lord's boots.

Hakoda made a mental note to review how the ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe was supposed to behave in the presence of royalty with Sokka later.

"You don't have to eat it if you don't want to," Katara added which resulted in a disgruntled sound from her brother, "where's Toph?"

"Oh, she wanted to be here, but then she found out about the climate and I told her that we needed her to keep all of her body parts, and she said, um…" He trailed off, but Hakoda had only needed to speak to the earthbender one time to have a guess what her direct quote was, "well, let's just say she made some very creative threats towards me if I dared to make her wear shoes."

Yeah, Hakoda definitely had an idea about the profanities that had escaped Toph's mouth in response to needing shoes.

"So, I know you have work to do while you're here. But, I've been working on some firebending techniques that I want to get your feedback on, and I've been making a list of activities to do in our free time!"

"Sounds like a plan." Despite the nod and Aang's whoop of excitement, Hakoda winced at just how exhausted Zuko sounded as he spoke.

He had always been more moody and reserved than the others, but now his voice had none of its usual bite now that the adrenaline from the snowball fight had ebbed away. Hakoda wasn't going to bring it up to any of the teens, but he had a sinking feeling that the week would not be as fun-filled as Aang was hoping.

…

Hakoda didn't want to be right.

The meetings had gone better than expected, with Zuko promising that he was doing his best to return all of his military personnel to the Fire Nation as soon as he could without draining the already dwindling economy, as well as helping build up the beginnings of the new trade routes.

In fact, aside from the brief moments of him rubbing at his eyes, Hakoda thought he looked as though he had been able to get some sleep the night before, which ended up being the reason why he allowed Sokka and Katara to postpone their meeting with him and the rest of the council about their specific duties to the tribe.

It wasn't like all of them had been given enough of a chance to relish in their teenage years just like he had done with Bato and Kya at their age. If they wanted to take Zuko penguin sledding that badly, then Hakoda was going to let them.

It even gave him a chance to get to know the guards of the Fire Lord better as they gave him advice about how to better security while he tried, and failed, to pry into any misadventures that his kids had pulled Zuko into.

All in all, as the sun was starting to set over the peaks, Hakoda was about to pat himself on the back for handling this head chieftain promotion pretty damn well, at least until he heard the chatter approaching the house.

"For the last time, let go of me."

"You're still bleeding, Fire Lord Hotman."

"And would you quit it with that? I'm fine, it's just a scratch."

"We don't even need Toph here to know you're lying," Katara's grumble was the loudest as the door to Hakoda's hut swung open to reveal the disastrous consequences of penguin sledding, "hey, dad? A little help?"

Katara, Sokka and Aang had snow on their shoulders and boots and flushed cheeks, but what was more concerning was the Fire Lord sandwiched in between the three of them, with snow caked on his clothes and the red-tinted snow that covered his forehead.

The guards were up before he was, the older one pushing Zuko's snow-covered hair out of the way to get a closer look at the gash on the right side of his head and the younger one asking him various questions to rule out a concussion.

"Qiang, Tao, I'm fine! Seriously, I've gotten worse than this from the turtle ducks."

Hakoda held back a snicker at the whine that interspersed itself with the Fire Lord's voice while he tried to fight off the attention of his guards.

He busied himself with grabbing a clean rag and running it under the warm water from the sink, listening in as the group of three wrangled their friend to sit down in one of the dining chairs.

"The turtle ducks made you smack your head into a tree limb?"

"Sokka, for the last time, it was a branch and all it did was take some of the skin."

"That's still a lot of blood, Zuko."

"It's a head wound, they bleed a lot more. Hold still."

"Katara, don't pull at it!"

"Okay," Hakoda finally spoke up while turning around, getting all six sets of eyes on him despite the fact that his daughter was still trying to get Zuko's hair out of the bloody gash where it had stuck, "unless you are currently in charge of part of one of the four nations, step outside," Hakoda commanded, cutting off his son's question before his hand was even fully in the air, "no, ambassador does not count."

"Damn." Sokka muttered under his breath as he, along with Aang and Katara walked out.

He really needed to review the behavior expected of someone with Sokka's position sooner rather than later.

"Your majesty?" The older guard, Tao, asked, "would you like us to stand guard outside?"

"Yeah, that's a good idea." Zuko agreed, waiting until his guards were out of the building to practically slump onto the dining room table in exhaustion.

"Are you alright, Fire Lord?" Hakoda asked as he finished wringing out the rag before bringing it and the first aid kit to the dining room table.

"Please just call me Zuko."

"Alright then, but the same goes for you. I wasn't exactly pleased to find out I had been promoted without my knowledge," Hakoda explained before using one hand to tilt his chin upwards and using the other to gently press the cloth against the sticky hair, "sorry if that stings, I just want to get any hair out before it's disinfected."

"It's fine."

"I take it that the penguin sledding didn't go as intended?" Hakoda asked after a few moments.

"What gave it away?"

Hakoda couldn't help but smile at the sarcasm as he deposited the dirty rag onto the table, "well, between the blood and my children along with the Avatar himself holding onto your arms as they brought you in here, just a hunch."

As he spoke, he soaked one of the gauze pads with the disinfectant and pressed it to the gash, unsurprised to see the teenager's knuckles turning white from the strength that he was clenching his fist, "you doing alright?"

He nodded, and stayed silent as Hakoda pulled the gauze away to replace it with a fresh, dry pad that he taped in place; he'd mention something to Katara later, but for now, he knew that he just needed to get Zuko dry now that the snow was melting off of him.

"I'll be right back," he insisted, shutting the first aid kit and picking up the dirty rag, "just gonna get you some dry clothes."

"Thank you, for all of this. If there's anything I can do to repay-"

"None of that," Hakoda insisted, cutting him off with a raised hand, "you are in my territory and you are a friend of Katara and Sokka's. More importantly, their shenanigans put you in this position in the first place. If anything, this is an apology for their actions. No need to repay me."

He quickly went into Sokka's room and grabbed a spare set of clothes before bringing them back to the dining room table only to see Zuko resting his head on his arms.

"Zuko," he called out, setting the folded outfit on the table, "I've got dry clothes for you."

No response.

This had happened with Aang too, the first night he came to the South Pole after the war had ended, only Zuko hadn't fallen asleep face first into a bowl of seaweed stew. Hakoda tried again, his voice a little louder.

"Zuko, you really need to change before you fall asleep for the night. Also, it might be best for your neck not to sleep at the table."

No response again. Hakoda sighed and laid a gentle hand on his left shoulder, "Zuko-"

He didn't expect him to sit up quickly and pull his hand away in sheer determination with golden eyes glowering right at him and fire shining bright in his right palm.

But Hakoda was unable to speak before his wrist was let go and the flames dissipated, the anger turning into deep regret as he stood up and backed away with his hands raised in surrender.

"I am so sorry-"

"Zuko-"

"I've been unprofessional. You have been nothing but welcoming and kind and I nearly-"

"Zuko, it's okay-"

"I nearly killed you."

And Hakoda wasn't going to deny that yes, he could have hurt him, but the seventeen year old had tears in his eyes as he backed himself into the corner over being woken up unexpectedly.

"Zuko, take a deep breath," Hakoda instructed, managing to lock eyes with the teenager while taking a step forward, "It's okay. No one got hurt."

"I almost-"

"Almost, not did. I'm fine, you are fine and everyone else was sent out. We're all okay," he wasn't surprised by Zuko slumping to his knees on the floor with a nod while he extended his hand towards the teenager, "you need to change and get some real sleep. Can you manage that on your own?"

He nodded again and wrapped his left hand around Hakoda's right, giving him the chance to pull him to his feet only to frown yet again when he saw the sharp wince that crossed Zuko's face.

"What happened to your shoulder?"

"I just need to get some rest."

And Hakoda so badly wanted to push further, the parental side of him desperately wanting to pull the teenager into a tight hug.

But Zuko wasn't one of his kids and, with what he had heard about Ozai over the years, he had a sinking feeling that touch would only result in the young Fire Lord spiraling further.

So he used his best judgment and let go of Zuko's hand before passing him the clothes, "there is an empty bedroom on the right. I'll let your guards know where you are and I suggest having Katara look at your head tomorrow."

"Thank you, Chief Hakoda."

Having been a parent for sixteen years, Hakoda had also learned when to hold his tongue, especially around someone who was easily startled and just nodded in response while saying, "Sleep well, Zuko."

He went outside as soon as he heard the door shut behind the young Fire Lord to be met with three sets of frantic eyes and two sets of raised eyebrows.

"The Fire Lord is getting some sleep," he started, his eyes locked on the two guards, "he's in the third room on the right." He waited until the two guards walked in, a nod given by Tao, before he turned to the three teenagers, "his injuries aren't severe, I don't even think he's going to bruise."

Aang's sigh of relief wasn't lost on Hakoda, but he continued to press on.

"Sokka, you and I will be having a very long discussion in the morning about how the ambassador of the Southern Water Tribe should act around royalty, even if they are one of your friend's. Understood?"

"Yes, sir," Sokka nodded, the tone being known by his son that it was time for him to turn in before he had a chance to do something else that would be frowned upon, "come on, Aang. It's late."

The young Avatar followed with Momo settled firmly on his shoulder, leaving Hakoda with just his daughter in the snowy wind.

"You said injuries."

And in that snowy wind, when Katara looked into his eyes, he could only see Kya for a few moments as she seemingly looked right into his soul.

"I advised Zuko to come to you in the morning, so you could heal his head wound which is why I'm also going to ask you a question," Hakoda stopped to take in a deep breath, because even if he wasn't one of his, the fact that someone may do this to a child who hadn't even reached eighteen yet…"has he mentioned anything about assassination attempts?"

"For Tui's sake," his daughter cursed as she pinched his nose before a shout tinged with sadness escaped her lips, "he promised to tell me if it happened again! That no-good, jerkbending-"

"Katara," Hakoda scolded, his hands on her shoulders, "regardless of what he said, it would be best not to insult him while he is in our territory."

"He's lucky I don't go in there and ask him what-"

"Katara, that is enough. He had his reasoning, no matter what it was. More importantly, he needs to rest," he stopped to push a strand of hair out of her face, not surprised that it was wet with tears, "and so do you, my child. It has been a very long day, for all of us."

"Y-you're right," she said, wiping her arm on her sleeve before pulling him into a tight hug which Hakoda instantly returned, "goodnight, dad."

"Gp get some sleep."

She let go and made her way to the campsite she had made with Sokka and Aang when they had arrived in Wolf Cove which left Hakoda standing outside of the chieftain building in the snow and his swirling thoughts about how to speak to the Fire Lord in the morning.

…

"So, what do you think, Sifu Hotman?"

"I think your posture needs more work than your use of outdated Fire Nation slang. Straighten out your back and extend your arms, you'll get more force in it."

Hakoda couldn't help but observe the three of them from where he had exited his meeting with Sokka. It had gone well, but he couldn't help but think it would be the first of many.

Aang was eager to continue firebending, showing off the different ways he could bend the flames, waiting for Zuko's advice as he sat next to the fire pit while Katara healed the gash on his forehead.

He was confident that she had already taken care of his shoulder and probably yelled at him a great deal as well while he had been talking to his son.

It didn't take long for Sokka to join the group with Momo on his heels as he carried their breakfast to them on one of the trays and soon enough the entire group was laughing about something that Appa had done the day before.

Hakoda wasn't sure when his parental instincts had spread from just Katara and Sokka to now involving Aang and Zuko as well, but what he did know was that the biggest thing they needed right now was to be kids.

And he was going to do his best to make sure that it happened.

(Want to read the Gaang penguin sledding? Part 2 below)

#bad things happen bingo #avatar the last airbender #hiding an injury #dadkoda #hakoda #zuko #sokka #katara #aang #kataang #penguin sledding #post show #whump #my writing #angst #fic #hakoda saw zuko and said “is anyone going to adopt him?” #and didn't wait for iroh to answer #i love iroh but something about hakoda is just *chefs kiss* #if my politics are wrong i'm sorry

[gx-gameon]

Yugi adopting Jaden part three

Picking up from here

Yugi takes Joey inside. The two head upstairs where Yugi finds Jaden working in his deck. “Jaden can you come here. There’s someone I want you to meet.” Jaden looks up and his whole face lights up.

“You’re Joey Wheeler! You were runner up in Duelist Kingdom and fourth in battle city.” The little boy is so excited as he runs up to Joey.

Joey is thrilled as the little boy inflates his ego. “That’s right but you can call me Uncle Joey! Seeing as your my best friend’s kid.”

Jaden is bouncing with excitement at this point. Talking Joey’s ear off about how cool he is and Joey’s priming like a peacock from all the attention. He looks over Jaden to see the boy’s deck spread out on the ground. “Hey kiddo you want to show me your deck?” Jaden gasps and grabs his hand and drags him over to his deck. Yugi following behind with a soft smile on his face. It’s wonderful to see his best friend and his son getting along so well.

They sit down and Jaden starts telling Joey all about his cards. He talks extensively about his favorite cards the Elemental Heros. They are a new archetype. Currently only five different types of monster cards exist. Jaden had three when Yugi adopted him: Burstinatrix, Avian, and Clayman. Upon arriving at Kame Game shop Grandpa had given Jaden Bubbleman and Sparkman as a welcome home present, instantly endearing himself to the boy. The monsters were low level and besides Sparkman’s 1600 attack and Clayman’s 2000 defense all their stats were pretty low. Yugi had a feeling that Pegasus was testing them out to see if they were popular before adding more support and higher level monsters to the archetype.

But if anyone could understand using low level monsters to support one another, it was Joey. He was ooooing and aaaaing at all the right times and nodding his head along, following Jaden’s excited rambling. He asked questions about strategies and started giving Jaden tips about how to power up and defend his lower level hero’s.

Yugi wished he could let them go for hours but he can’t. He needs to go. “Joey I need to ask you a favor.” Yugi catches both of their attentions easily.

“Sure what is it Yug?” Joey remembered what Yugi had said in their phone call, ‘I need you.’ That’s not the thing you say when you just want to introduce someone to your son.

“I went to see Kaiba today.” Yugi started only to get interrupted by and over excited Jaden.

“Thee Seto Kaiba!” Jaden was so excited. All of Yugi’s friends were so cool.

Yugi smiled warmly at his son’s enthusiasm. “Yes that Kaiba, but he wasn’t there.” Yugi said directing his attention back to Joey.

“So, what did you need him for?” Joey is trying not to feel hurt that Yugi went to Kaiba with a problem before coming to him.

“I-” Yugi paused letting out a big sigh. “Jaden come here, please.” Yugi opened his arms and Jaden quickly moved to hug him and sit in his lap. It was a comfortable position, one they normally sat in after one of Jaden’s nightmares. It made Jaden feel safe, and Yugi knew that. He also just wanted his kid close, considering what he was about to do, it might be a while before he could hold him again.

“I told you about Jaden’s adoption.” Yugi said making eye contact with Joey.

“Yah, ya told me.” Joey nodded his head.

“Well that’s where things start to get weird. I tried to get access to Jaden’s medical file, to see if he was allergic to anything or needed any special care but the file was empty.” Yugi held Jaden close as he felt the little one look up at him. He directed his attention down and smiled reassuringly at the boy.

Joey however had alarm bells going off in his head. This was not right. Something was wrong here, and Yugi knew it. He wasn’t going to say it with Jaden around but both teens knew something had happened. You don’t have an empty medical record for no reason.

“So you went to Kaiba..” Joey prompted Yugi to get them to continue with the conversation. He had a lot of questions he wanted to ask but could see Jaden starting to look uncomfortable and knew now was not the time to ask questions like ‘what do you mean the records were blank?’ Or ‘what other documents were missing?’ Those were questions to ask when little ears weren’t around to hear them.

“To see if he could find the original records.” Yugi drew his attention back to Joey. His hand started to rub circles on Jaden’s back. “But he wasn’t there. Mokuba told me he’s been missing for a month.”

“A month?!” Joey exploded. “Where the f-” Yugi sent Joey a sharp glare, “heck did he go?” Joey asked.

Yugi let out a sigh. Here comes the hard part. “He… he went to duel Atem.” Yugi said closing his eyes and taking a big breath.

“But that’s… that’s crazy!” Joey couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Atem’s” he paused as he knew this was a hard spot for Yugi, “Atem’s gone. He can’t duel him anymore.”

Yugi let out a low chuckle. “Apparently he can. He built a devise that allows him to travel between dimensions just so he can go duel him.”

“But that’s not a different dimension that’s the-” Joey started to rage when he got cut off by a little voice.

“Who’s Atem?” Jaden asked looking up at Yugi with curious eyes. He could tell the name made Yugi sad, and they said he was gone, but he had to be someone special if Seto Kaiba wanted to duel him and he made Yugi this sad.

Yugi and Joey both looked at Jaden. Yugi expression was both mournful but also so full of love. “Atem was someone very dear to me. We went on many adventures together along with Joey and our other friends, but he...” Yugi pause looking up and blinking away the tears that had formed in his eyes before looking back down at the wide eyed boy in his lap. “He passed away.” How do you explain to someone that Atem was a long dead pharaoh whose spirit shared your body?

“Oh.” Jaden said looking down. “I’m sorry you lost your friend.” He tightened his arms around Yugi giving him a big hug, as Jaden wasn’t sure how else to comfort someone.

Yugi was surprised before his face softened and he returned the tight embrace. What had he done to get such a sweet kid.

“But wait!” Jaden cried pulling back startling both adults. “If he’s dead how is Mr. Kaiba going to duel him?”

Yugi winced at the phrasing but Joey was right there with Jaden. “That’s what I’m asking.”

Yugi let out a huff of breath because he was just as exasperated with Kaiba at this moment. “It’s Kaiba. He built a machine that let him travel to the afterlife to challenge Atem.”

“And he’s not dead?” Joey asked. It was a genuine question.

“No. Mokuba has been monitoring his vitals and he’s still alive. He’s just not coming back. Mokuba’s worried that something’s wrong with the return process.” Yugi explained.

“Or he just hasn’t beat Atem yet and is refusing to leave.” Joey stated. Yugi made eye contact with him as the two nodded. Yep that’s the most likely senario.

“Is.. is this normal for you? Going to different dimensions?” Jaden asked with wide eyes as he looked between the two adults.

Yugi and Joey paused passing a look and a thousand words between each other before Joey shrugged “it’s par for the course when your a world class duelist.” Yugi was about to strangle him.

“Awesome!” Jaden was so excited. Yugi and his friends were like real world super heroes!

Yugi dropped his head to rest his forehead against Jaden’s hair. Offering a silent prayer that his son didn’t get into the same amount of trouble he and his friends got into.

“Anyways. Mokuba asked me to go after him. He has a new way to bring us home, but needs someone to go get Kaiba.” Yugi explained Mokuba’s plan.

“Yug that’s insane.” Joey started to argue. This was a bad idea on so many levels. One what if Mokuba was wrong and Kaiba was dead? What if this killed Yugi? What if it didn’t? Would he see Atem again? Could Yugi handle saying goodbye to Atem again? This was so unfair! How dare Kaiba put his best friend in this position.

“You’re going to the afterlife.” Jaden asked, and they could both hear the slight wobble in his voice. “You’re going to die?”

“No, no, no” Yugi quickly reassured him. Holding his boy close again. “I’m not dying. It’s safe. I wouldn’t go if it wasn’t, I’m not going to leave you. I just need to go help a friend.”

“How do you know it’s safe?” Joey asked watching his best friend comfort his son.

“Joey” Yugi shot him a sharp look as Jaden started to get upset again. But Joey didn’t care.

“No Yug, how do you know it’s safe?” Joey pushed. He wasn’t about to lose his best friend to Kaiba’s arrogance in thinking that he could defy death to get his way. He wasn’t going to let Jaden lose his parent a second time.

“Mokuba has assured me it’s safe.” Yugi reassures both Joey and Jaden, keeping his voice even for Jaden’s sake. “I’ll come back.”

“Well if it’s so safe why don’t I go?” Joey offered. There was no way Yugi was going. Not now. Not when he had Jaden to take care of. Stupid Kaiba, getting himself into impossible scenarios and needing Yugi to bail him out. He probably won’t even say thank you! No, not this time. This time rich boy’s going to have to deal with Joey Wheeler coming to the rescue.

“You can’t.” Yugi stated, calmly taking all the wind out of Joey’s sails. “Mokuba already tried. Only someone with a connection to ancient Egypt can go. Meaning only myself or Kaiba could make the trip and Kaiba’s already there.”

Joey deflates at the news. “That’s just not fair.” He looks up at Yugi, who’s still holding Jaden close, reassuring the little boy. He can see the fear in the four year old’s eyes and he knows there has to be something he can do, or else Yugi won’t have called. He blew out a breath before straightening up and meeting Yugi’s gaze. “Alright, how can I help?” Just because he can’t go with Yugi doesn’t mean he can’t help him.

Yugi seems to relax as soon as Joey asks. “I need you to stay with Jaden. He’s been having awful nightmares and I know they’re tied to the spirit world. I just don’t know why. Jaden doesn’t remember them when he wakes up. It’s one of the many reasons I need to get a hold of his records. But if something is reaching out to him I don’t want to leave him without someone who can protect him. Can you stay with him. I know it’s short notice and I don’t know how long I’ll be gone but-”

“Yug.” Joey cut off his friend’s rambling. “I’ve got him. You don’t have to worry about a thing. There isn’t a spirit in existence that can take down Joey Wheeler! Remember I took on an Egyptian god card.” Yugi remembered, remembered watching Joey get fried by Ra’s power. “I mean it Yug. I’ve got this. I’ll keep Jaden safe while you rescue Kaiba.”

“Are you sure?” It was a big ask after all. Joey had just met Jaden and now he’s being asked to watch the kid for who knows how long. Yugi hated asking this of his friend, but there was no one he trusted more in the world with keeping his son safe than Joey.

“Are you kidding? I get to spend time with my new littlest buddy! We’re going to have a blast. You go be a hero and we’ll be here waiting for you. After all, I got to teach my littlest buddy all my dueling tricks.” Joey was all smiles. He was terrified for his best friend but he also trusted Yugi to know what he was doing. Plus there was no way he was going to put any more doubts in Jaden’s head. His dad was coming home. There were no other options. Besides, he was genuinely excited to hang out with the kid.

“Thank you Joey.” Yugi softened. Joey really was the greatest friend he could ever have.

“No sweat. Now let’s get your deck ready to go, I’ve got a feeling you’ll need it.” Joey stood up. He reach out a hand to help Yugi up. To his surprised Jaden wrapped his arms tight around Yugi forcing Yugi to pick the boy up with him as he stood, holding the boy comfortably on his hip.

Oh wow! His friend really was a dad now!

#jaden yuki #judai yuki #yugioh gx #yugi moto #yugi mutou #seto kaiba #atem #yami yugi #dad yugi #pharaoh atem #joey wheeler #jounouchi katsuya #wishshipping platonic #future rivalshipping

[miloscat]

[Review] Even the Ocean (PS4)

A unique and soulful puzzle-platformer.

Anodyne 1 and 2 are really special games, so it's past time for me to catch up on the rest of the Analgesic catalogue from Melos Han-Tani and Marina Kittaka. This is their second game together, and takes on the puzzle-platformer genre but with a heavy emphasis on story.

Compared to the Anodyne games, the themes are a little more straightforward and the world more grounded than their abstract dreamlike spaces. The story deals with environmental and social issues, but with strong characters who feel very human and real through their dialogue. The story opens with the death of a minor character, but rather than exploiting it for dramatic stakes and moving on, the entire rest of the game sees you forming a friendship with her grieving partner, discussing deep topics with her and so on. As the game goes on and the stakes are further raised, it still takes the time for smaller moments and well-drawn minor characters.

This emotional content and social commentary is the strongest part of the game, not to say that the gameplay parts aren't also good. But the puzzle platforming can feel isolated or distinct from these aspects. The mechanics of it do tie into the worldbuilding which is linked to the themes though. In this sci-fi fantasy world, the main governing principle is the two energy types: light/green/vertical, and dark/purple/horizontal. Everything is built around this central idea.

Our protagonist Aliph has to balance the two energy types while blocking with a directional shield. She has a personal energy bar and when interacting with objects and obstacles this shifts between the two extremes. Charge yourself with dark and you walk faster, with light and you jump higher. But rather than a traditional health system, if you fill up completely on one or the other you die. Basically all interactable elements are aligned with either energy, and this leads to all sorts of clever puzzles along with the balancing act of managing your own tendency.

Progression through the puzzle spaces is mostly linear and I didn't find it very challenging for most of the runtime. There is a lot of customisation though, and you can choose if you want to just play the action parts or the story parts, as well as gameplay modifications to make it more manageable if you're having trouble. This makes the game very accessible, although oddly there is no option for button reassignment.

As I've come to expect with Analgesic games, there is also an extensive postgame although Even the Ocean takes it to extremes I haven't yet seen in their catalogue. You get new options to zoom around, warp, and display minimaps but most of all you get an entire new game world consisting of rough drafts and earlier versions of levels filled with developer commentary. This really opens the door on the development of the game and is really interesting from an archival perspective, having this behind the scenes content in playable form within the game itself. You get to see assets from when all the environment pixel art was made by hand (the final game uses art from larger images outside of the "dungeon" areas), as well as much more complex and difficult level design ideas.

These in-depth offerings are such a fascinating look at what the game could have been that I couldn't help but wish that some of it had made it to the final product, that we had more polished forms of these more challenging puzzles. On the other hand, the choices made to simplify the art production process I thought resulted in a fantastic end product, the interesting character designs coming through well in pixel form against the beautiful and moody backdrops.

Either way, these extras are remarkable, a candid conversation with the player on how the game was shaped and when you are directly told the rationales it's hard to argue that Melos and Marina made the right decisions to make the game memorable and accessible, and the game as a whole is much stronger and more interesting for having them. Please spend some time exploring the postgame if you give this a go! Anyway, although I have quibbles with the slow difficulty curve and the sometimes awkward menus, Even the Ocean ended up being another unique offering from Analgesic, packed full of ideas and heart.

#even the ocean #analgesic productions #indie #review #ps4

[sirfrogsworth]

I am so confused.

Even when this lens was first released it was $850 brand new.

Does he think people aren't going to check current prices? Did he get scammed and overpay originally? Not to mention eBay gives you a suggestion for pricing.

I really wish I hadn't sold my lenses. There was a point where I had a major decline in my health and I could no longer make comedy for my main website. At the same time, my parents were getting sicker and needed more help. We were also struggling financially. I was so depressed and I was sure I'd never do photography again, so I sold most of my lenses.

We needed the money at that moment, but in the grand scheme of things, the lens money barely made a dent in our situation. Not to mention, we got a small inheritance from my grandmother soon after, so that increased my regret. It took me years of scrounging and saving to build up a collection of 5 lenses. None of them top of the line, but all of them a good value for their performance.

Thankfully I kept the lens I used to take pictures of Otis—my "puppy lens." But my ultra wide, my macro, my tele, and my portrait lens... all gone.

And now I am trying to figure out the cheapest way I can do what I want to do with photography and I'm remembering just how expensive this hobby is. But I think I need to figure this out because I have had a substantial boost in my mental health since I started taking photos again.

A good 50mm could serve several roles. I can add extension tubes for macro. It is about 75mm on an APS-C camera, which is good for portraits. The wide aperture would allow low light photography. Combined with my Otis lens, all I'd be missing is telephoto and ultra wide angle, but honestly I never did much of that anyway. Though ultra wide angle photography is probably the most fun you can have taking pictures—even if the photographic uses are rare.

I did get a Nifty Fifty for my trip to Orlando. I wanted to see if I could get away with using a $100 lens. For the price, it is surprisingly good. And it is the first lens I recommend to anyone starting photography—as almost every camera brand has its own version. But I had several issues trying to make it work for my needs.

It's not very sharp, which is actually fine for shots taken at a distance, but would be a deal breaker for product photos and macro shots which are very close up. Those require as much detail as possible, especially if you need to crop. When you are trying to show people the fine hairs on a bee's body, a soft image just isn't going to have the same impact.

It also does not nail focus consistently and it back focuses (it focuses more behind than in front). Which is a deal breaker for my efforts to use less energy. When I did my portrait shoot with Katrina, I had to do many test shots and look at them on the computer to make sure I was getting them in focus. I was going back and forth and getting up and down. In the end I had to use a smaller aperture and higher ISO to get increased depth of field. And even then the tip of her nose was soft in the photos. Not to mention the added noise from raising the ISO.

This Sigma is a wonderful lens. I'm trying to find a good deal used, but it's still out of reach for now. I have no idea what my financial future is right now and until I know for sure that my brother will release my inheritance in March, I have to be more careful with my budget.

I am going to sell all of my studio lighting gear and use those funds to help me set up a new studio upstairs. I'm hoping that will cover the new lights I will need, but I don't think it will be enough for a lens. Someone suggested a site where I can turn my yard into a dog park, so I am looking into that. I might also see if I can get some gigs restoring photos for people, but it is so difficult finding clients.

Every problem has a solution. And maybe the universe will do me a favor and keep my brother from being terrible just this once.

[moonmagix24]

My Thoughts on the PreCure Leaks (Along with Some Hopes)

Okay, so earlier I posted a TikTok on my thoughts on the PreCure leaks but the TikTok was obviously a bit rushed and I couldn't put all of my thoughts in a cohesive way. So, here's a more comprehensive list of my thoughts and feelings about the Wonderful PreCure! leaks. These leaks are the ones that were recently confirmed to be real by some preorder listings on toy sites. I won't say who revealed them for their privacy but it's pretty easy to find who.

Also, Toei, please don't come for me. It's your faults for letting the initial leaks happen. However, I do wish that these leaks came closer to the season release because in a way that would up the hype. Though, I can imagine some hype still being there with waiting for the designs for the items and plot.

Spoilers below the cut!

So, normally, leaks of the designs and merch usually would come out multiple weeks after the trademark was made for the season. The trademark was made on November 29 (in EST) and the leaks started coming out on December 3 (in EST). That's only a few days which is insanely fast lol. For Hirogaru Sky, we started getting the actual design leaks in January which was over a month after the trademark was issued.

So I was super skeptical with these images because that's insanely early. That was until today when I saw a post sharing that there was indeed preorder listings for some merch that confirmed the names which by extension confirms the leaks. It's crazy because the leaks happened a month earlier than normal. Normally, there might be talks of what the season could involve and everyone is waiting with anticipation for majority of the month of December until eventually some silhouettes are seen. At this point in the "leak season," the most we'd get would be names for the Cures and some toy preorders.

I was insanely floored upon seeing thing and yes, the listings seem to be legit. Before we go on, please know that these are my opinions, it's okay if you disagree or agree. Just don't get aggressive, for the love of God. (I doubt anyone would get aggressive because the PreCure fandom is mostly chill like that but since I'm basically new to using Tumblr for PreCure and other fandom since the last time I used this site for posting about fandom was years ago on deactivated accounts)

Ok, onto actual thoughts now!

I really like Cure Nyammy's design, as well as Cure Friendy's. Cure Wonderful's design needs to grow on me a little more because something about it just feels off.

Cure Nyammy probably has my favorite design out of them all.

Cure Lillian looks like one of those bootleg designs for Cure Spicy. Y'know like the ones you'd see on a bootleg toy. Though, I think it honestly might just be the hair and overall silhouette. Her design is--unsurprisingly--better than Spicy's in some aspects.

When will Toei finally give us a proper green cure instead of the teal/turquoise greens? The last time we had any form of green cure was back in 2019 with Cure Milky (though I thought she was a blue cure at first because of how blue her color palette was). It appears that Lillian will be like Cure Milky in that she looks more like a blue than Green. However, her color is supposed to be green judging by two of the purses putting a green heart next to her. She looks incredibly blue, though, but that can be brushed off as the photo quality because the photos aren't the best qualities. Last time we got a proper green cure was back in 2016 which was almost 8 years ago. Please don't make Felice the last proper green cure. We deserve more than just a few proper green cures.

What the heck is "Friendy?" I'm praying to every higher power that it was just a typo like when they put "Cure Rhythem" instead of "Cure Rhythm" on the DX3 promo.

Nyammy is a cute name considering the origin of it being a common cat name in Japan. Think of it like naming her Cure Kitty or Cure Mimi. It also can be something like Cure Meowy.

Are we finally getting a white/silver haired PreCure after years?! I'm pretty sure that the last time we got a white or silver haired PreCure was Cure Moonlight which was almost 14 years ago. So, I'm pretty pumped about it.

I'm bummed that we're getting yet another compact for transformation. It's also the hundredth time we've had an item called [main part of season name] Pact... Though, it's good for collecting but I'd like for us to get another transformation watch or bracelet or they could do something original like with HUGtto's transformation device. The PreHeart was inventive because it sorta doubled as a phone and compact in design. (It also had a use outside of transforming or attacking)

A potentially unpopular opinion but I like Friendy's hair. I think she's the first time we've gotten a blond purple cure? And before someone says "Cure Finale is purple," let me point you to Toei stating that she's a gold cure.

Personally, I see both Wonderful and Friendy having sort of dog ear motifs with their hair? It's more obvious with Wonderful but I think the reason why both have some version of twintails or pigtails is to imitate dog ears.

It's pretty obvious that Nyammy and Lillian are supposed to represent cats.

It also appears that Toei is once again doing the team where there's two duos thing that Hirogaru Sky did. Not really a fan of it unless they can execute it well like they did for Hirogaru Sky.

Not a fan of yet another mirror pad. Hopefully they'll add some sort of fun twist to it such as it eventually doubling as a weapon.

Just a prediction but I think if there is a midseason, they'll be gold/yellow/orange. I'd like to see another duo like Amour and Ma Cherie, though... It would be really fun to have a yellow/gold/orange and red duo.

If there is a midseason, I hope that they aren't another dog or cat theme... Perhaps a fox theme?

Though, I don't really want a midseason because we have enough of them and it'd be nice to have a season like Smile or Splash Star in that regard.

At least the names are sorta fitting. Unlike Cure Spicy and Cure Earth. I'll never understand why they named the blue PreCure "Spicy" and I already explained the nonsense that is Cure Earth.

I kinda want the compacts to be used for their attacks. Not like Kira Kira A La Mode... Just they use them for their finishers like in HUGtto.

I think it'd be really funny if Cure Friendy was actually the lead cure but I doubt she will be LMAO

I am once again praying to every higher power that Toei does more with the theming of animals.

I just realized that this post is like an essay LMAO. I'm so sorry about infodumping about this but lately these leaks have been all I can think about and I had to get it out of my system. I am so sorry to whoever read this entire thing, all 5 paragraphs and 20 bullet points.

#precure #pretty cure #wonderful precure #precure leaks #wonderful pretty cure #magical girl #precure spoilers #pretty cure leaks #pretty cure spoilers #I have turned tumblr into the place where I infodump

[trickstarbrave]

I had a dream my roommate basically had us drive thru a portal to a magic realm. In it everyone there had the possibility of cultivating magical abilities but tbh most living there were born into specific families that used their magic skills for specific jobs (think someone w a fire skill cooking or a plant growing skill to farm or grow construction wood) or were born into prominent families who were rich and had large magic estates w condos or houses and essentially water parks

If you’re new to the world having discovered it or been lead to it you take the test which is basically a beginner’s dungeon that unlocks your abilities and basically reads your magic potential and even where your magic came from if it’s related to one of the prominent families

So I do it and I find out I had numerous skills but tbh I just assumed that was normal. Like a lotta ppl had skills. I could also use them naturally but again I thought that was normal. Also I learned it came from a big prominent family but I thought “ew rich ppl I don’t wanna go there they prob wouldn’t even let me in” (normal reaction but not quite how this world worked) and instead me and my friends + wife were making money doing low tier dungeons and exorcising evil spirits that come from magic corruption. I was the one doing it the most but one of my roommates had support magic and their skills were useful for survival

Eventually we were making a lot of money. Like a good amount more than “free lance adventures” should be making and was told we need an affiliation to a prominent family or guild for stability, credibility, and regulation. Guilds take part of your payment, families usually don’t. Since i apparently had powers from one I decided to try them b4 going to a guild. I was the one doing most of the “combat” (my skills weren’t actually entirely combat related they were manipulation and disguise) (also I think families will someone recruit prominent adventurers who don’t have a magic connection to them organically? Like if some of their skills are related or they wanna join and have clout they’ll let them sometimes)

There they were actually welcoming to me and said they can get me registered and all the ppl I’m working with I could just classify as my “affiliates” or w/e and depending on my level I we might qualify for like. A place to live on their property. I doubted we would bc I assumed u had to be rly good. But I did like their pools and the lazy river and magic waterfalls and extensive magic gardens I did wanna live there ngl.

Anyways short test w my hand on a touch screen and I had many skills: chameleon (lets you blend in with your surroundings, my skill level was high enough that it’s basically flawless so long as I’m actually trying to hide and not moving or just standing in the open. Could be detected w higher level magic but I can also level up chameleon or learn invisibility), a skill that made ppl more friendly, a fear skill that makes enemies terrified, a fury skill which is basically fury in TES, unlock skill for locks, even more skills I forgot I think w some combat stuff like summon armor and weapon and a magic shield skill, and lastly: an illuminate skill. The illuminate one was the most impressive bc it’s apparently an insanely rare skill that pushes back or destroys magic corruption as well as lights up dungeons safely. It repels monsters born from magic corruption too. It’s a low level now but at higher levels it’s insane op

They were super excited tho the recruiter didn’t look at my skill list right away. he got distracted w smth important but when he looked again halfway thru the introducing the family property and my key to it and things all members got access to. And then he looked at my level and skills and was like “HOLY SHIT” internally and then set us up w basically a lil apartment

I wish I could go into detail abt the dungeon runs but they’re all fuzzy now that I’m awake. It was a lot of dodging attacks and stealth and having enemies get themselves killed for me tho. Chameleon was also a skill I used a lot.

#dream #dreams #dream journal

[lwbu]

Love Will Bury Us

Chapter 2

PREVIOUS CHAPTER | NEXT CHAPTER

MASTERLIST

pairing: aemond targaryen x targaryen!oc

summary: Alyssa Targaryen cherished chaos, its presence a comforting reminder that she was alive and breathing. But when dragons danced and fire erupted, her chaos was no longer her own. As the last of control slipped through her fingers, a hand came in its place — cold, possessive and unforgiving, and it belonged to Aemond Targaryen.  

content & warnings: f!oc, targcest, so much tension it hurts, slow burn, enemies to lovers, blood and violence, spoilers for hotd, morally grey characters, additional tags to be added

word count: 4k

notes: aemond brainrot continues. english is not my first language. all feedback is very appreciated. also on ao3 and wattpad.

"You've made a promise," voice void of intensity, though fire burned through the length of his throat, "anything I want." Steps so small they would have gone unnoticed if not for the sound. "I will not have your refusal this time."

Viserys Targaryen stood before him, a presence so small it seemed laughable in the eyes of both gods and humans alike. His body burdened by the weight of the crown and things both unspoken and unseen in daylight, the King did not lift his head high enough to prove defiance.

"What will you do, then?"

"Wage a war if need be." And declared by Daemon Targaryen, it carried only the truth.

The words echoed through both the walls and the mind, and Viserys watched his brother, a whisper of a war, a war having already crawled into his ears, making its way to his troubled mind. It was then, amidst only shadows and emptied hall, that he acknowledged what was to come.

"Seven hells, brother! You bring a bastard you've fathered to my court and expect—"

"Look at her," a demand, perhaps, with the way it was said. "She's every bit a Targaryen as you and I."

"And what would you have me say, Daemon?" Viserys's voice hardened, though the sensation could not quite reach his eyes as they watched the babe of silver hair. "That the child fell from the clouds onto dragonback? That it appeared out of nowhere and belongs to no one?"

"Tell the lordling cunts whatever it is they wish to hear. You wear the crown, Viserys. Your word is the only truth."

Defeat, instant and utter, because there was nothing more to be said. The last rays of sun sneaked inside when Viserys Targaryen rose from the throne and approached his brother.

To allow him this much would perhaps be his salvation.

There was a certain touch of striking sophistication in the way Rhaenyra Targaryen mounted the clouds, her leather-clad body a contradiction to the gleam of yellow scales. Syrax spread her wings proudly, the roar of dignified nature an extension of the Princess's delighted laugh. They climbed higher and higher, speed accelerating and hair falling freely out of intricate plaits, blues and silvers of the sky melted into their forms. The she-dragon brushed through the stars, engulfed their radiance with her own, painted a spot in the depths of the sky that, in a way, resembled the sun. And Rhaenyra, in those rare moments, was every proof of the Targaryen might.

Blindfyre followed with his ponderous body, having long since overshadowed his companion in size, wings fatigued yet unyielding in their ferocity. Alyssa's eyes served him loyally, gloved hands pushing and pulling with practiced perfection, movements swift and firm. Wind carried them further, a silent ally that weaved through silver strands and formed a disorderly composition of complex knots. Alyssa persistently pressed forward, wishing to go faster, faster, until all that was left of her shape was but a small, insignificant spot that moved towards nothing at all.

Inwardly, she hoped for the spot to one day vanish, stolen by the moon that would take her hair in its grasp and wrap it around its structure.

It had become an unspoken routine for the two to take off to the sky and evade all mundane matters; here, they could breathe without fear of the realm's impurities sinking in the lungs with their poison. They would be then gone for hours, exchanging the exhaustion of everyday duties for boundless freedom. The sky had not once demanded kind words spoken with practiced serenity; it never wanted what was not voluntarily given. It was a lover amidst executioners; a loyal servant among ruthless kings. It offered mercy in place of wonted punishment, softness for every harshness of the world. They never wandered too far from Dragonstone, though; Syrax now much more indolent in nature, her companion too weakened to carry on.

Alyssa observed the familiar surroundings and wished to trade them for something else, anything that would eradicate the aching monotony in her heart and limbs. Blackwater Bay offered solitude and security, but it came with the price of everlasting coldness and unease. Though it was the place she'd spent the last years in, it was no home. She longed for Pentos and its crowds, and songs that would ring through brick walls. She longed for a place entirely new and unknown; to discover and conquer, and take whatever she desires.

It felt cruel to even entertain such thoughts, though they occupied her mind more often than not. Dragonstone, despite all, treated her well, and so did the Princess. Better, perhaps, than she deserved.

The descent was slow and unsteady, and Blindfyre let out a low whine as his coal black tail brushed against the ground. Alyssa's face twisted into a grimace. The dragon's state did nothing to improve her own shakiness; now, seeing and feeling his pain, acid found its place in her throat, torching spitefully.

"Blindfyre did well."

He did, if compared to countless previous nights when she'd sat by his side, half-covered by one enormous wing, listening to his irregular heartbeat and heavy breathing.

"He tires easily these days," Alyssa said, her feet finding their way back to land. She met Rhaenyra's concerned stare and tried to swallow the panic down. "Father says he grows too fast and has a hard time adjusting to the weight." Her fingers once again reached the scaled flesh and stroked.

"You're worried about him." It was not a question nor judgment.

She had never shied away from expressing her emotions, though she did so rarely and mostly in the presence of her father alone. To admit it to Rhaenyra felt uncomfortable; she knew, however, that their lives were now forever connected, a bond beyond comprehension, and the resistance she'd built for herself would not prevail.

"I am." A defeat, in a way, to let someone else in. "Only with him, up in the sky, do I feel like myself. Who will I be when he has no strength left?"

Rhaenyra's face showed only sympathy, and so Alyssa accepted it as sincere. The Princess's bare hand found hers, still covered by leather. It felt warm despite the barrier.

"You will stay true to yourself."

But how can I, she thought, when all I am is a dragon? And how, oh, how could she still be a dragon without Blindfyre by her side?

"Sweet girl, he will not leave you for many moons to come," Rhaenyra whispered, now so much closer than before. One hand found Alyssa's frozen cheek in a touch so brief it tickled. "Don't let fear take your heart."

Alyssa had no mother; for all she knew, she could have come from a hatched egg herself. Daemon Targaryen had only ever called her his daughter, his firstborn, his alone. Questions endlessly unanswered, they had long stopped falling from her lips. But this, complete and limitless, and absolute, was perhaps the only feeling that could ever compare with flying. This, given by Rhaenyra Targaryen in an unconditional manner, infinite and fierce, was greater than anything known to a girl whose heart felt like it'd been abandoned.

This, perhaps, was named motherly love, though she dared not say it aloud.

They walked hand in hand, and it did little to calm her racing heart. She found herself often distracted in Rhaenyra's presence, as though overtaken by sudden affection. It awakened doubt, resolute of grip, because why would this tenderness last when nothing else ever did? Sooner or later, it would all fall like a wounded dragon from the sky. Sooner or later, she would be left questioning if it had ever been real.

"Will you sing tonight?" It did not need an answer, because of course she would; her sister would sooner strangle her than sleep without first hearing her favourite tune. As if reading her mind, the Princess added, "Rhaena will already be waiting for a song. And Jace, though he'd rather eat carrots than admit how much he cherishes those moments."

That brought a giggle. Jacaerys, a man now almost grown, all serious and burdened with his being the heir, and his absurd fear of vegetables always managed to make her laugh.

"I've heard that carrots will indeed be served for dinner," she mused, playful smile still tugging at her lips. "I shall sing him songs of all the vegetables in the realm."

...or not, considering it could only result in finding mice in her chambers, right atop her bed.

"Rhaenys, too, loved flying and songs equally. You remind me of the stories I've read as a child."

"And yet I find myself wishing to bear resemblance to Visenya," Alyssa admitted in small voice. "To be a warrior."

She could tell by the look in her eyes that the Princess knew of such thoughts, more than likely from experience. She had, after all, been just a girl once, though she had even then carried the additional burden of a crown's shadow on her head.

"All women are warriors," was her response, conviction clear in her statement, "because that's what we must be." Rhaenyra's face lit up with a sudden smirk that lasted only for a second but lingered for much longer than that. "If anyone tells you otherwise, you strike."

The fire in her chambers never burnt out and now, sailing through the sea, it was something she missed desperately. It was one of the many things Alyssa needed not mention; Inid, her nature purely observant, understood her better than most. As long as she was there, the fire remained as well. If only she could have grabbed it with her fingers; if only she could have carried it onto the dreadful ship. The untamed waves did not treat her well, much to the amusement of both her sister and maid who had long stopped bothering to hide their laugh. Alyssa would therefore, quite regularly, escape the abysmal boat for stolen moments on dragonback. It would last for some time, and then her father would drag her back to this misery, scolding her with pretended aggravation.

Inid now stood behind her, brush in hand, scowl on her lips.

"That beast of yours does nothing to improve your looks, my lady. Your hair is all tangled."

Alyssa raised an eyebrow, feigning offence. "I shall nicely ask that Blindfyre avoid any movement so as to not further displease you."

Inid might be sweet and smart, but she never much understood the appeal of dragons. Beasts, she'd call them, her melodic voice ringing with distaste. True to her character, Alyssa had taken to teasing Inid with much-too-detailed stories about Blindfyre, her mouth never shutting for more than a second. A dear friend, Inid was, and the Targaryen girl held her close to heart. Surely, for the affection she felt for her, Alyssa could somehow accept the flaws and obvious silliness of the maid.

"Or maybe we'll just cut this nest off," Inid jested, although the resignation indicated that she would truly be happier about such solution.

"Do you think it would suit me?" Her grin was so wide it hurt.

Inid appeared to think very hard on the answer.

"I think there aren't many things in the world that would not suit your face," she finally said, skilled fingers working on untangling the silver knots. "Are you excited to arrive in King's Landing?"

Ah, yes, King's Landing.

She would have been excited had she still been stuck in the ways of her childhood naivety. Now, Alyssa couldn't think of anything more dreadful. It was, however, a necessary travel, what with the illness of King Viserys and the very obvious lack of time left. She hadn't dared try to reason with her father about how her presence would certainly not be missed. And, in spite of all, she was not capable of summoning any indifference to her uncle's rapidly deteriorating health. It was a penance, perhaps, to care so much for someone surrounded by those she held no love for.

Predictably, she dodged the question, replacing it with her own, "are you?"

If Inid knew what was on her mind—and surely she did, for at times it felt like the maid knew her more than Alyssa herself did—she didn't voice it.

"You should not concern yourself with my feelings. I'll gladly follow you everywhere."

Alyssa hummed. "Perhaps I should put you on dragonback and fly all the way to the Free Cities, then."

Or anywhere, anywhere at all, anywhere the sky existed and held no limit.

"That would be improper." The brush finally returned to its previous place, Alyssa's hair now knot-free and shining. "Not to mention how your father would burn the realm to the ground in his search for you."

"Oh, yes. He can be quite dramatic."

"Do not let him hear that," a new voice came, feathery and soft. Rhaena stood just steps away, mischievous grin brightening her pretty face. "Are you almost ready?"

Perhaps it was the brutality she had wielded that night so distant yet no less clear; maybe it was something else entirely, but it resulted in this: leisurely pace, cautious steps, eager hearts. No longer was there remoteness of the cruelest essence; no more intrusion. For that alone, Alyssa would have gladly observed the blood over and over again, watched every drop until there was no more to spill.

For that alone, she would bleed herself.

Alyssa's eyes found Inid's, both question and plea for a few more minutes of peace.

"She is," the maid decided. "Do try to keep your hair neat, lady Alyssa."

"Or you'll scare the Queen off!"

And wouldn't that be just ideal?

Alyssa recognised just how close they were to their destination by the smell alone. The air warm and humid, sticky instead of breezy, she huffed loudly enough for her sister to hear. She now realised how ungrateful complaining about Dragonstone had been. This was so much worse; here, even before walking through the gates, she felt every bit a prisoner as one possibly could. Deciding to postpone the inevitable at least one last time, Alyssa caught a glimpse of her father and, ensuring he was too occupied to spare her a glance, she fled.

Blindfyre, always in tune with her pondering, appeared near the ship, Alyssa's hand already reaching out to him. "Māzīs," she whispered, "come."

It was too easy to once more break free, the lack of protests almost disappointing.

The sight of King's Landing was certainly not a pleasing one. Treating the three hills, great walls, and the Red Keep in all its glory with complete disregard, the dragon and his rider instead soared up, high enough for all of the capital to seem too trivial to spare a thought for. Birds hovered around until they, too, were left behind. Now, with only the sun above, Alyssa relaxed.

"I'm sorry for troubling you so much," she told Blindfyre, her thighs offering a short squeeze. "But you're better now, are you not? You've regained some of your strength."

Blindfyre gave no indication of disagreement.

Together, they circled the city, maintaining the established distance. Alyssa felt lighter, though she knew what was coming could not be forever avoided. Just a little more, she decided, and then her duty would be done. She would walk into the castle with a large smile on her lips, looking every bit a gentle lady, a woman grown, a Targaryen. Her chin would come up, but not in a haughty manner that could stir gossip. Her hair would be knot-free, as per Inid's wishes, smelling nothing like dragon. And when she'd see the royal family, the delight would be sincere and ceaseless.

The air was too thick, she idly thought, the silence unnatural. Her heartbeat jumped.

She felt it before she saw it; chills down the spine, throat raw with sudden dryness, an odd mix of foreboding and anticipation twirling in her vessels. Quietude stiff, air changed, wind unmoved. Then came a silhouette so broad it obscured all vastness of the sky; a tint of bronze and green, monstrous wings, familiar wail. Vhagar ascended above Alyssa's head, her presence so astounding that even Blindfyre dared not take his unseeing gaze away. She flew close enough to see the old scars, their fading contours a chart to her past.

Surely, the time had stopped or forgotten to flow, because everything around her stilled yet Vhagar did not.

And there was Aemond Targaryen—she could not yet see him but heard his laugh, a sound so palpable and sharp she held her breath, treacherous tremble taking control of her palms. Alyssa forced her eyes forward, searching for a route of escape, wishing to find none. Blindfyre shrieked, not having expected company aside from that of similarly abnormal Caraxes and his rider that would often chase after his daughter through the night.

Vhagar had never, not even when claimed by Laena Velaryon, been an agreeable presence. Worn out by war, hardened by wounds, conditioned to attack—most dragons dared not come close. The old creature was unpredictable in her nature—it was something Alyssa understood well enough. Having her so physically close to Blindfyre was nerve-wracking.

It had been seconds that stretched into hours before both beasts aligned. Aemond watched Alyssa with something she wouldn't try to give name to, one of his eyes now hidden beneath an eye patch. Her mouth twisted at the denial of a glimpse of the damage. She wanted to see it; see what the blood that had been spilled left behind. Only an outline of the angry scar was shown to the world, and it would not suffice.

"You should return to the ground, Cousin," he said in soft voice. It was an unrecognisable sound when compared to the laughter he had offered just moments before. It was even odder when she remembered how it had once sounded, angry and spitting as he called her a bastard.

The urge to provoke him was stronger than her yearning for safety. For all that mattered, safety was a concept of irony in such situations. If Vhagar and Aemond wished to charge, nothing could thwart the attempt. Still reluctant, Alyssa heard herself speak.

"Perhaps you're the one who should leave." Solidity was a gift she'd offer willingly. Anything else lacking her usual control, he'd have to take himself. "Or else I'll think you purposely searched for me."

And then he hummed, and a sound this small should never ring through the distance with such clarity, and yet it did.

He was so composed, she noticed and immediately hated it.

Alyssa came to a realisation that, having already seen it once, she craved agony on his face. His pain was embedded in her soul, a permanent mark of crimson, a shadow the shape of his long lost eye. It was both grim and gratifying to admit it, if only ever to herself. She watched him, all stony face of porcelain skin and burning eye, and thought that this composure did not suit him. She wanted rage strong enough in its fire to turn frantic. She wanted fury so intense it scorched. She wanted him to falter, hesitate for a second too long, lose the words on his tongue and stagger backwards.

She didn't understand. Maybe she never would, because how was one supposed to fathom something so abstruse? What was clear was this: he awoke violence with just his curious gaze, and so violence he shall receive.

"You've found me," Alyssa taunted. "What happens now?"

"I've already told you," Aemond replied. "Go back."

"You want me to climb down? Whatever for, Cousin?"

Aemond's smile was not one of fondness. It was a warning, a challenge, a mocking gesture. His one eye burned her body more than any capable pair ever could; a shiver turned eternal, forever bruising her skin like a mark imprinted by the man's existence alone.

"I want you to take flight."

Would he chase her if she did?

But the question remained unvoiced, as the answer was plain.

She held his smouldering leer with all force she owned—even when it throbbed and slammed into her, a blatant assault.

Her next movement was long awaited by Blindfyre who readily dived in the clouds beneath. The dragon let out a long sound of both weariness and perseverance, wings stubbornly slashing through air. Alyssa looked fixedly ahead, eyes watering from wind and smoke, and muscles burning, yet she would not relent. Short breaths gradually calmed and regained depth, and she declared it a small victory. When she attempted to calm her heart, she both heard and felt Vhagar descend in their tracks.

It was a game—she knew that much, though had no understanding of the purpose nor prize. Aemond was toying with her, testing her, pushing. He was close enough that her ears once more caught the chuckle he let out. A game, and she let him play her like a puppet. A game, yet she had never felt so intensely that she was alive.

If he expected an easy win, Alyssa would torment herself just to defy him.

Massive bodies twisted and turned, and at one point there was no longer a visible trace of distinction in the outline of stretched out tails. It was a dance of shapes and motions, the steps unknown yet the sway sustained. When Alyssa managed to catch sight of Aemond's face, she found his unblinking eye already on her. He said something, then, lips curled and elegant, though the words were silenced with the beating in her chest. Then, the she-dragon dropped down and vanished from sight.

"Lykirī, Blindfyre," she muttered shakily, the hypocrisy evident as betrayed by her pulse. "Lykirī."

This time, she didn't trust the silence, frenzied eyes seeking out any movement. But there was nothing at all, not above nor below, and even the clouds appeared abandoned. The calmness was so contrasting with the intensity of previous seconds, minutes, hours?, that Alyssa almost suffocated in its embrace.

Was it truly the end, or just another part of the game she had yet to learn of?

Was there even an end to it at all?

She circled the area once, twice, Blindfyre refusing the third attempt. Guilt so strong it physically hurt crashed into her chest and made her pale. A fool, she had been, for neglecting his exhaustion to entertain a little Prince and his spoiled mind. Pushing all thoughts of Aemond away, she agreed to the dragon's demand to descend.

Aemond Targaryen vanished and Alyssa was overcome with triumph. She hadn't had his rage but, beyond a doubt, it would come. For now, she'd have his defeat; she'd hold onto it tight enough that her nails buried in its flesh and stained with crimson. She'd let it paint her skin the same way a shiver had. And then, covered from head to toe in blood-red, she'd wait.

Her legs were weak when they touched down, a quivering of enervation an evidence of the dragon dance. Blindfyre rested his body right where he landed, a black stain against the walls of the Dragonpit. Even weary, his empty vision found hers in reassurance. Without a word, she made to leave and stopped as abruptly as she turned.

There he stood, tireless and proud. He towered over her, his face fully visible for the first time since their meeting. Gone was the boy who had struck her sister and brought her wrath upon himself; a man stood in front of Alyssa, all sharp lines and edges, tall in built, lips thin, eye violet and dark with a whisper of sin.

Alyssa wanted to take his other eye, take it all, take—

He came closer, his predominance irrefutable with their bodies this close, and he smelled of fire and blood.

"You did well," a whisper in her ear, a brush of skin against hers, "dōna hāedar.*"

He was gone before an answer could come to her lips.

*dōna hāedar  — sweet girl

#aemond targaryen #aemond x oc #aemond smut #hotd #house of the dragon #aemond fic #targaryen!oc #daemon targaryen #aemond one eye #aemond x original character #ao3 fanfic #hotd fanfic

[jess-moloney]

According to instagram, she was born on the 31st of August in 1988. But I wouldn't be surprised if she's lied about that too. She looks so much older considering that she is (or at least she claims to be) 35 years old.

That's the issue with Jess. Either she's much older than she claims she is (which I wouldn't put past her because of the fact that we all know if she's not outright lying about something she's extremely exaggerating) or it's the surgery.

As I've mentioned before, buccal fat removal when it's to that level can age you super quickly. Especially if you aren't keeping up with filler injections to stop your face from being a hollowed-out nightmare. Unless that is the look that she's going for, which is possible. She may very much like looking like a skeletal witch because it seems obvious that anyone who would do that to their face has some level of dysmorphia. I'm also somewhat positive she's had a facelift (if you look at her browline and hairline in older photos compared to now it's higher).

The most recent photos from the other day were by far the worst and most aged version of her yet.

Not only do we have the creases in her cheeks there that look like wrinkles you'd find on someone who is 60+ years old, but we also have the very visible bone structure of her cheekbones which look unnaturally large compared to the hollowed-out rest of her face. The smile lines are incredibly deep because she's missing as much buccal fat as they could possibly remove.

Her really tiny teeth give the appearance that she's losing teeth or almost toothless which only adds to the aging effect that the drastic surgery has brought on. The stringy wisps of hair hanging out (which seem incredibly pointless for an activity like snowboarding since they'd only get in the way) give the appearance of thinning hair.

Here you can see how incredibly large her jaw is, not to mention square. You can see how her cheekbones pop out unnaturally and her actual cheeks are very, very hollowed in. Her chin even looks slightly off-center and if you look at older photos of her (once again) her jawline seems shorter and less pronounced leading to believe she got a jaw implant as well.

The point is that these two photos show what extreme damage she's done to her face and the work has been obviously extensive. If her intent was to look 10 years older than she actually is (and only accelerate the aging process to an extreme level) then the tens of thousands of dollars (at minimum) she paid for this are doing their job. Unfortunately, for her, I doubt the intent was to make her look as old as she comes across as opposed to attempting to extend her youthfulness.

It's honestly disturbing to me how utterly unnatural her face looks. On top of that, if she doesn't want this whole level of mess to get worse than it is now she's going to have to continue to keep fixing it with surgery for the rest of her life and it's only going to start looking more uncanny as time goes on.

I really wish someone could ask her if she's genuinely happy with the results of this surgery because my guess would be that she's not and she's fully aware that it makes her look 50 years old instead of her actual age but when it comes to dysmorphia....who knows? What I do know is that it's getting painful to look at her because her face is anything but natural and humans have a very instinctual revulsion to things like that. Look up the whole "uncanny valley" effect for more information.

#jess moloney #jamie campbell bower #jamie bower #mail

[thinkingmystic]

Pricey truth

I was so happy to see that Good Omens has been renewed for a third (and final) season. I’d prefer three good seasons to four seasons where you wish the last two hadn’t happened (cough Sherlock cough), and I’m curious to see how dear Crowley and Aziraphale end up. 

How I envy the young, who get to see their version of SuperWhoLock actually get some action, whereas all the actual SuperWhoLocks got was a lot of flack for daring to interpret obviously queer storylines as queer. After all these years (it was the tenth anniversary of some Sherlock season recently), I still hold a special little grudge that we had to settle for subtext. But, with difficulty, I digress! 

I have such a soft spot for Aziraphale, because 1) Michael Sheen is adorable and 2) Aziraphale reminds me of myself. His decision at the end of the second season? I understood it perfectly. Like him, I tried (and failed) to change the system (institutional religion) from within. For my trouble I received a prodigious amount of trauma. I haven’t been able to set foot in a church in years, and Lord if I didn’t try to love the institution as best I could.

In retrospect, I wasn’t just trying to change the institution from the inside - wasn’t just trying to take the love of God and remove the ts and cs happily slapped on by the church for, I fear, the most banal reasons - money and power. I was also trying to change myself. My queer, neurodivergent self. I feel so silly now for having as much faith as I had that the organisation built on the premise of loving people and loving God would also love and accept myself and others like myself. So I see in Aziraphale’s decision my own, taken many years ago: that I would make it work; that surely the grace of God would carry me through.

Reader, it did not. At least, not in the way I was hoping it would. 

How I wish I’d had a Crowley to try to dissuade me. Now I am the Crowley, my own inability to enter a church (the building or the concept) so similar to his actual aversion to holy ground (remember those little jumping steps he did when he went to save Azi in the church?) Asking a few questions - questioning things in general - having an opinion that someone higher up than you doesn’t like? Anathema to the institutional church. 

These two remind me so much of The Hierophant and The Devil cards. Aziraphale embodies the faith and tradition (and faith in tradition) that is The Hierophant. There is a way to do things and there must be a good reason for doing them! says The Hierophant. Yes, there’s wisdom there, but that wisdom is a gateway - not the final destination*. Crowley gets The Devil, not least because this card is a perfect inversion of The Hierophant - notice the similarities in structure (the central figure, the apprentices, the oppressiveness). Crowley is still shackled in his own way to heaven - a kind of bereavement, a resentment - which he deals with by being debonair and pretending not to care. Which makes the ending of the second season all the more poignant - he risks caring, in a very obvious, if doomed, way - and his answer is rejection. 

I understand that perfectly, too. I was never going to get what I was looking for in church - but I wouldn’t have rested until I’d tried. 

The card I’d pick for them as a couple is The Lovers. A rather obvious choice, but: The Lovers echoes The Hierophant and anticipates The Devil: two apprentices, a central figure presiding**. Not just a card about love (although it is that, too) - it’s a card about choice. About choosing to follow your truth beyond what is “accepted”, even if by extension that forces you to reckon with what choices were beyond your control. That’s a path we have to be willing to walk if the truth is at all important to us.

Our truth is (and I’m sure Aziraphale and Crowley’s will be, too). 

As we enter a new year (I’ll write more about that next time), I pose this question to you, dear Reader: What is your truth? Phrased another way, what can’t you bear to lie about any longer? 

---

*I suppose God is the final destination - “The World”, and then as a mirror.

**Our conscience? 

---

This was originally posted on my Substack.

#blog #good omens #tarot

[taeyamayang]

hello, your milestone of 1k followers feel more like a gift to us (thank you)!! i wish to join the 1k plot roulette event with: naoto tachibana (tr), and the numbers: 2, 14, 1 thank you. will be patient for it!

a/n: hello, *looks away* it's been ages sorry gsndbs anyway i tried my best, ok? my writing brain glitched so bad that i had to quit writing for the event for awhile but im back at it so i hope you like this :) also thanks for the ressurance that you'll wait for it! makes me feel better

ps. i hope this makes up for the long wait

• naoto tachibana ; hurt | angst | lovers to strangers | murder mystery

• "The emotions were already running high, but seeing the hurt in their lover’s eyes was too much to handle." - i tweaked this a bit and instead of 'hurt' i turned it to 'fear'

• bittersweet ending

-

the way back from the market is not like any other day. on a normal day, you would pick up the goods you need for the coming week, stroll on your walk back home, organize the items in the shelves in the kitchen, and proceed with your bleak daily life but today is different, far different.

a number of people have gathered at the front of the apartment building you are staying at. some are your neighbors while others are spectators. the barricade tape caged around the apartment building must have must caught their attention. needless to say, it did so to you too.

you stare blankly at the chaos stirring before your eyes. the uniformed men, police officers, are busy talking amongst themselves, taking notes, and investigating the area while you stand on your ground, hugging a paperbag full of raw ingredients.

"who would have thought this would happen? let alone in our neighborhood!" a woman around fifties strikes a conversation with you. you immediately recognize her. she lives with her daughter's family of three: she, her husband, and their young kid. they live two doors away from you.

"what happened?" you ask nicely.

"oh! were you at the market?" the old lady darts her eyes to the lettuce peeking from the edge of the paperbag. she continues, looking at you. "room 106. the woman that lives there was murdered last night. she's around your age so you must know her."

you don't.

you're too busy building a stable career to even have time to meet the residents of the building; that, and also the fact that you only have moved in a few months ago.

a siren goes off from a distance. both you and the old woman whip your heads to the direction to where it is coming from. then, from a corner a police car fancier than the ones parked at the area drives in. the officer, whom you assumed to be of higher rank, did not spare a second as he gets out of the car before the man behind the wheel switch the engine off.

"he's here! he's here!" you were only able to take a glimpse of the back of the head of the officer when the old woman snatches your attention from him back to her. "the local police have been waiting for him! apparently, this case could be related to the on-going serial killings at nearby cities and he's the head of the investigation. he's well-known in this industry and i happen to know him as well." the old woman winks as she brags about her extensive knowledge.

this woman must know you're oblivious to your surroundings.

"everyone, listen! the local police of kamifurano with the help of the city police of hokkaido have come to a decision. all residents of the yamamoto heights are obliged to come with us to the office for further investigation. men, women, and minors must come forward." a man wearing a local police badge shouts as he cups the sides of his mouth his with hands to amplify his voice.

following the announcement, the lower rank officers make way for the residents to enter the sealed area. you and the old woman duck your heads in as another officer leads the way. looking around, you realized that the murder at the building has become a big case. more people have gathered and the police men appear to be restless.

however, amidst the chaos and the murmurs from the outsiders, you feel a burning gaze on you from a distance. unable to resist the urge, you search for it and before you know it you meet the eyes of the man you vowed to forget.

he was not easy to forget. how could you simply remove a person you once thought will spend the rest of your life with from your memory? you were in love with him as equally as he was to you. it was enough and beyond enough it was perfect, almost perfect.

as it turns out, love is not the only thing that can make him happy. he's ambitious and stubborn. you were ready to settle down but he wanted more from his career and looking at the badge that hangs on his chest and the men that look up to him, you're certain. he's definitely reached his goalㅡgood for him, but at what cost?

you and him.

he has his dream and you lost your lover.

at that time it was inevitable. the distance between you two were too far to mend. it was a bitter ending. it was long ago but every bit of hurt, regret, happiness, and longing all came back in tidal wave, washing off your senses and turning it numb, as you look at him. five years of forgetting and yet you're here, reliving the emotions you once sealed tight.

you look at him unguarded. he's dazzling in his uniform but it contradicts his contorted face as fear and disbelief glaze his eyes. panic takes over when he realizes that you're a resident of the apartment building. a serial killer is on a loose, targeting women of your age who lives alone and you could be next.

"(y/n)." he says softly almost like he's afraid to say your name. all this time he had his composure but when faced with a case he cannot solve with the person he once loved so dearly is in danger, he loses it.

he's human before you and oh how you miss that look on his face. his worried face. you are reminded that he once cared for you, that he once loved you.

it was a long time ago but he's hard to forget.

"naoto, we meet again." you utter.

masterlist | tr.list

#tokyo revengers #tokyore #naoto tachibana #tokyo rev one shot #tokyo rev writings #tokyo rev drabbles #tokyorev naoto #naoto x reader #naoto fics #naoto drabbles #tokyo rev x you #tokyo rev #pea.event #pea.writes

[never-enough-whump]

Out Of Spite

Whumpril Day 6: Bad Coping Mechanisms

Summary: In the midst of her divorce, Milah seeks out Killian and starts to open up about having been abused. Set in the same modern AU as Second Time is Not the Charm but can be read as a standalone.

Read on AO3

--

Killian answers the knocking to find Milah standing outside his front door. She's wearing a formal pants suit, a large glass bottle in one hand, and her eyes are puffy as if she's been crying.

"Hey," she says, voice hoarse.

"Hello," he responds, giving her an encouraging smile. Are you all right? he almost asks, but it's too obvious she isn't.

"Can I come in?" she asks. Killian nods and opens the door wider, just as she lifts up the bottle, already open and drinken out of. "I brought rum. Thought it might help me convince you."

"You don't ever have to convince me to hang out with you," he says earnestly.

Milah gives him a long, hard stare. "Of course I do," she grumbles and pushes past him into the apartment. Killian closes the door behind her and doesn't argue. He's had his own "of course I do"s over the years (still has a few of them), so he knows it's better not to fight the issue.

Killian leads Milah into his dining room and sits with her at the table. She wordlessly passes him the bottle of rum. He takes a distracted drink, recognizing it instantly as the cheapest variety the liquor store sells, something he hadn't had to resort to for a long time. “What are you doing here?” he asks when it becomes obvious that she isn’t going to volunteer an explanation on her own.

“I’m getting drunk to spite my husband.” She spits the word "husband" with disgust and immediately takes a drink as if to wash it away. Then, her shoulders slump, making her look even more defeated than she already had. “I’m sorry to show up unannounced,” she says. “But I can't have alcohol where I'm staying and the bar's too public, so I figured here…"

"You're always welcome here," he reassures her, looking deep into her eyes and wishing there was some way he could communicate just how much he means it. "But," she breaks the gaze quickly, eyes darting to the side then fixating on the bottle of rum where it sits on the table between them, “how, exactly, are you going to spite him by being self destructive?" In Killian's extensive experience, drinking never actually helps as much as it seems like it will. Sure, it makes him feel better for a time, but once it wears off he's always left with not just the problems he started with, but also the despair of knowing that "feeling better" is so far out of his reach by any other means. And usually a headache. Not that any of that usually stops him, and he knows he should feel worse than he does for his hypocrisy in challenging her like this.

"Self destructive my ass!" Milah bursts out, finally meeting his eyes again, anger flashing in her own. He places a hand on her arm just below her shoulder, trying to comfort her. She sighs and leans slightly toward him, then continues in a much calmer voice. "I haven't gotten drunk in two years because the last time I did, my husband beat me." Killian inhales sharply, unable to entirely contain his shock and horror. He's suddenly acutely aware of his hand on her arm, and his stomach turns with the unwelcome thought of did he hit her here? The thought is almost enough to make him pull away, but he doesn't, knowing she'd see it as a rejection. "And after I had to relive those memories, after I had to humiliate myself by saying that out loud in court, he said 'that means it worked'." Her voice pitches higher but doesn't waver. "If I let him be right, that would be self destructive."

Killian can't argue with that. He understands the need to prove people wrong. He knows what it's like to have someone say something so terrible about him that he'd do anything to make it not be true. He knows what it's like to hear someone try to justify hurting him. His heart aches at the thought of Milah having those same experiences.

"He was never right," Killian says softly. "Even if you never touched another drop of alcohol, it wouldn't mean he should've done it. But," he grins, trying to shake off the seriousness of the moment, "a little spite never hurt anybody. Should I get us something nicer for the occasion?" He pulls back, letting his fingers trail down her arm as he prepares to go into the kitchen for a bottle of higher quality rum. Before he can stand, she catches his hand with hers.

"This is fine," she says. She takes another drink, as if to prove her point, and doesn't let go of his hand.

They pass the bottle back and forth, hands still clasped, and Killian does the one thing that has never failed to help Milah relax. He talks. He tells her about driving home late at night from an evening repair up north earlier that week - how he had noticed the sunset and stars so much more for just that slight change of perspective. About the one and only vacation he and Liam had taken as children - a camping trip to the desert in New Mexico with their one and only decent foster family. How ironic, isn't it, that for someone who loves the sea as much as he does, his happiest childhood memory would be of the driest place he'd ever been? He tells her about storms he's been caught in and has her laughing along to the most fascinating ways he's seen people try to fix their boats with duct tape.

He could keep talking for hours more, but when the bottle runs out, so does Milah's contentment. "I should go," she says fretfully and Killian feels a pang of disappointment.

"You could stay," he offers. "You should, in fact." Their hands are still joined and despite his words he uses the contact to help her to her feet. She spins toward him but stumbles with the momentum. He hurriedly grabs her shoulders, swaying with her as he squeezes her to his side to keep her upright. For a brief, flustered moment once they've regained their balance, Killian notices how good it feels to have her tucked under his arm like this, but, given the circumstances, he doesn't dwell.

"And why should I?" Milah asks playfully, and it takes Killian a second to remember what words of his she's responding to. "Do you think my husband's lurking outside your door?"

"But of course," Killian says, feigning seriousness. "Lurking like a crocodile." The statement isn't funny, but the laughter it elicits from them both has them nearly toppling over again.

Milah forces a sigh, keeping up the game of exaggeration. "I suppose I'll be sleeping on your lumpy old couch, then," she says, casting an entertainingly dubious look at the cracked blue leather of the couch that's just as lumpy and old as it had been accused of. Killian gently angles her away from the couch, toward his bedroom door.

"Ah! Now what kind of gentleman would that make me? You can sleep in my bed and I will graciously take the lumpy old couch."

He's reluctant to let her go, but he does, promising "I'll get you something to wear" as he goes to grab a t-shirt and pair of flannel pants from the dresser. He turns to see Milah sitting on the bed and is about to make another joke, but stops when he sees the way she's looking at him. Her eyes are shining with that same astonishment, almost confusion, at being treated kindly that he remembers from the night they met. The more he learns about her husband, the more he understands that look. And the more he hates the man responsible.

"Thank you," she whispers as she takes the clothes from him.

Milah hadn't been drunk in two years, is the thought he can't get out of his head that night. Laying on his couch in the dark, Killian thinks back to all the times he'd drank with her during those two years, and the times before, trying to pinpoint when she had started caring if she got drunk. When had she gotten more cautious, started ordering fewer drinks? Were her drinking habits the only thing that had changed? If he can just pick out the point at which it happened, then - what? The knowledge won't help him. If he can work it out in retrospect, it won't absolve him of not noticing at the time. It will do quite the opposite, because the real question isn't about the alcohol. It's: when had she come to the bar covered in bruises of her husband's doing? It's: how could he have helped if only he had realized?

–

Milah gets up while he's making breakfast the next morning. She comes into the kitchen, dressed again in her pants suit with the jacket over her arm, and leans against the counter.

"Thanks for keeping me company last night," she says. It sounds stiff and Killian winces internally. They were friends, at least as far as Killian was concerned, and he'd even go so far as to consider her his best friend (his best friend who he'd been falling in love with for as long as he'd known her, but that might or might not be relevant). Nights like last night were what friends did, but maybe Milah didn't see it that way. Maybe she really had only come for a place to get drunk and really thought he'd only sat with her because she was in his home. "I'm sorry," she adds, catching him by surprise.

"What ever for?"

"For last night. Getting drunk like that was a bad idea and I shouldn't have done it."

"And why does that mean you need to apologize to me?" She snorts at the question like the answer should be obvious.

"Because you had to deal with me, of course." Suddenly, it clicks. Why she'd been so quick to try to leave, why she was acting so odd about it now - it wasn't that she didn't want to be here. She genuinely thought he didn't want her here.

"Milah, no, there's no 'dealing with' about it. I like spending time with you."

"Even when I do stupid shit like drink half a bottle of rum because I'm too caught up in how I'm apparently just some kind of trained animal that can be beaten into - " she stops and furiously wipes tears from her eyes. "I'm sorry. You don't want to hear this."

Killian leaves the stove to lean across the counter towards her. "If you want to tell me, I will listen," he says, taking her hands in his. She shakes her head."That's the thing. I don't know if I want to tell you. I don't know if I was ready for you to know… that. I don't want it to change things.""It doesn't have to." Killian gives her hands a light squeeze and turns back to the stove, checking the bacon and starting to get dishes out of the cupboards. "Breakfast?" he asks.

Milah smiles. "Yes, please."

#whumpril2023 #whumprilday6 #bad coping mechanisms #whump #emotional whump #lady whump #trauma #support character #comfort #once upon a time #milah #fanfic #my writing

[remidyal]

Pure Self-Indulgence - My D20 Stuff Ranked

Last night, I published my 20th work of D20 fanfic. I had mentioned here that I was going to do something that was maybe the most purely self-indulgent thing I've ever done when this happened, and so I bring you:

Remi's D20 works, ranked from Nat 1 to Nat 20 by how much she likes them:

Nat 1 - Phases: The only one of these that isn't a story in and of itself, this is miscellanea (such as cut scenes and mechanics) from Lunacy. I LIKE all of it, but it's not actually something that can be read and enjoyed on its own, so by default it's the worst on this list.

2 - Runaway: The first piece of D20 writing I did, I like the core conceit here, but I've used pieces of it in other places since (Adaine being stuck in a palimpsest, Aelwyn as a runaway) and the writing feels really weak to me here now.

3 - Sisters: The lone Crown of Candy piece I've done, the plot just feels a little weak to me and my grasp of the tone for this setting isn't quite right. It's worth mentioning here that I by and large LIKE even the low entries on this list, at least currently. I think the summary of "Ruby Rocks was just short of her twenty-first nameday when she had the horrifying realization that she might be turning into her mother." is freaking great though and someone with more panache with these characters could do a really strong fic with that premise.

4 - Flames of Passion: This piece of almost pure crack, and the sole romance-focused fic on this list as well as (so far as I can tell) the only Kalvaxus/Gilear fanfic ever written, was done for a prompt. I don't regret it, but shockingly enough having an aroace writer write romance makes it just come across as bad romantic comedy lines, at least to herself. That might just add to the crack here. On a pure kudos front, this one gets a low number of kudos from signed in users versus guests, and I suspect that is purely people not wanting their names on this thing, which I thoroughly respect.

5 - Two Wolves: This oneshot was the prototype for Lunacy. I wound up liking this concept better than Runaway, and I think the writing is still somewhat better, but the story naturally feels incomplete now since it skims through the first nine or so chapters of what is going to end up as an 80+ chapter story. I think it can be read fine on its own, though.

6 - Waiting: I think this is where I go from 'eh it's okay but' to looking for reasons I like things less than others. This is a pretty silly little fic, and I like it fine, but it's not memorable to me in the way some of the other things I've written I feel are. It's a similar tone to something like Pact, but I don't think it's quite as successful at that tone.

7 - Minutes from the July Mordred Manor Wizards' Council Meeting: This, which EASILY wins the 'longest title' contest, is one where I think readers might have it a lot higher than I do. I like it fine? But it's pretty similar to Waiting in my mind; a nice little treat, but not really super substantial.

8 - Unending Summer: This post-Unsleeping City 2 fic focuses on Iga's kids as Nick is getting ready to start college. I think this is the breakpoint where things start getting really hard for me to rank these fics in the middle of this list; I genuinely love this one, but it's also just kind of a slice of life piece without an extensive plot or punchiness. That can be really nice, of course, depending on your mood. This (or the Poison sequels) is my least read piece, probably just because it's not fantasy high and it's focused on INCREDIBLY minor characters.

9 - Malignancy: The last entry in the Poison series, I'm not totally sure how the choose between two endings thing works and kind of wish I'd just forced the bad one on everyone, though both of them are kind of bad endings for Aelwyn. I think people may see the tags and think these are sincerely Penelope/Aelwyn romance pieces and be scared off, to be honest. They aren't. I fucking love this trilogy, though I think this is the weakest of the three.

10 - Twelve Hours: The most recent bit of writing on this list, this is honestly a placeholder to some degree. While I sometimes know while I'm publishing something that I love or don't fully like it, I don't have a solid read on how I'll feel about this one later. I definitely like the premise of Aelwyn + The Bad Kids just stuck with each other while the rest of the world is frozen around them though.

11 - Bane: We're picking nits a little bit here, but I think the weird double perspective where we're PoV of Aelwyn watching a video for most of the fic is a little bit awkward. I completely love the premise of what's going on here with Penelope, Adaine, and Aelwyn, though, and the purely downer ending leading into Malignancy.

12 - Dig Out: This might be the one where I've grown to like it more the most since publishing; it would have been near the very bottom of a similar list at the time I put it out. There's a comedic horror to the entire situation I really like, while still having a touch of sweetness to it. This is probably the fic on the list other than Pact/Familiar I'm most likely to follow up on sometime, to see how Jawbone and the other Bad Kids react to her return from the grave.

13 - Familiar: This one's new enough that it still might move or down the list. I think my main issue with this one that would stop it from moving up is a little bit of awkwardness in the pacing, which tends to be the weakness in these longer one-shots. Aelwyn's backstory in this is also depressing enough that it takes away a little bit from the overall tone that Pact and most of these story have, as well, for me.

14 - Gallivant's End: The highest entry on this list that isn't Fantasy High, this post-canon Starstruck fic following Riva is one I've grown to really love, in part because fic focused on Riva is pretty uncommon and I genuinely love them. I also think it was a REALLY bold choice by Siobhan to get to the end of a character arc and have the character look back and have regrets about losing some of their naivety, and that's the main thing this fic focuses on.

15 - Pact: I think this might be lower than people would expect for this fic, which might have gotten the best reception of anything I've written in the fandom. I do really really like it, but there are a few flaws and things I wish I'd done differently - mostly some additional scene on Adaine growing up in Hell - and so I'm not quite as fond as I am of the ones higher on this list.

16 - Poison: The first of the Penelope/Aelwyn trilogy, and my favorite of them. This one was done for a prompt wanting the relationship covered, and I thought that this relationship could be purely toxic; I've always written Aelwyn as hating and other than Kalina not respecting any of the other members of the conspiracy, though she hides that, and this comes out of that. (She also hates and doesn't really respect herself, but would NEVER acknowledge that at this point)

17 - Missing: This one's still a WiP, of course, and I don't have it NEARLY as planned out as I did and do Lunacy. Still, I love the premise, the multiclasses I've gone with, and also some of the near-term plans that I won't spoil here. Aelwyn actually trying to be just a little better and braver is fascinating partly because it's such a dangerous move for her in the short term, but the prize may be worth the risk…

18 - Dreams: This Riz-centered piece is maybe the one I love the most more than the response it seemed to generate, which was mostly pretty lukewarm. I suspect that may partly just be because it has some of the same pacing issues as most of the longer one-shots on this list, but I don't care. I loved writing this world's class swapped versions of characters, Adaine and Fig particularly, and I could have gone on like three times as long but this was written under the deadline of an exchange and I made myself hold to 10k or less words. I don't think I could return to this world, alas, because I love the ambiguity of the ending. (My personal interpretation is that both Kalina and the Sleeping God in this world are neutral, not evil, but the Bad Kids are VERY MUCH a cult of them at this point.)

19 - The Ghost of Me: This snappy little oneshot is my favorite short writing I've done in the fandom and it's not particularly close. I LOVE this version of Adaine, of her friends, and of her sheer raw pettiness in the wake of being executed by the Court of Stars.

Natural 20 - Lunacy: Probably no surprise, given that it's twice as long as the rest of the list combined, but this is my personal favorite work I've done. It's still a WiP and I've let off the gas because it's a bit of a rougher stretch, but I know the ending sequence of events and I'm deeply looking forward to sharing this one with all of you. Werewolf Adaine is maybe the most natural AU in all of Dimension 20, and I LOVE exploring it; Werewolf Aelwyn is a bit more of a stretch from there, but I'm delighted to have done it and love the versions of both of those characters that inhabit this fic.

#fantasy high #dimension 20 #fanfic #sorry #pure self indulgence

[super-kristuff]

I started playing Kingdom Hearts III recently, and I wanted to throw down a bunch of my thoughts so far. For some context, I replayed kh1 not too long ago, but I haven't played kh2 since middle school. I've played 358/2 and a bit of chain of memories and birth by sleep, but I haven't touched re-coded. Tbh, I thought re-coded was just a way from them to retcon the old games to make the plot more consistent.

Anyway, I've just finished the second world based on Toy Story, and like, the homoerotic tension between Buzz and Woody is crazy. Like, it is clearly an unintentional consequence of placing characters with a leitmotif of "You've got a friend in me" in a world built around the power of friendship. There are so many scenes where Buzz and Woody talk about their feelings and how much they trust each other to have their back. Its a major plot point that Xehanort steals Buzz, and Woody rescues him. Woody tells Xehanort off, and I quote, "Whatever you're talking about, I don't care. -- My guess is no one has ever loved you before."

Like, I can also go on about how Buzz, from the beginning, is like, we should just go home and wait it out. So in many of the feeling sessions, Buzz begs Woody to just go home with him. And how home is clearly a symbol of safety, normalcy, and comfort. And how Buzz wants Woody to be there. And in the rescue scene, Woody is the one talking about bringing Buzz home.

It's the second world in the game, but honestly it felt like a complete game in and of itself. God, the game has so much whimsy. There was a fight in a ball pit. There were toy mechs that you could pilot. One of the treasures was in a thumb-war mini-game. At one point, you're teleported into the video-game that the mechs are from, but they're real mechs instead of toy mechs with different abilities to match. One of the bosses is a creepy possessed anime girl figurine.

It's such a good game. And like, I could write pages on how the gameplay feels. Obviously, I've seen the kh4 trailer, and I had my doubts about how the parkcore floaty gameplay would feel. But playing kh3, it honestly seems like a natural extension to the current gameplay? LIke, the gameplay does have its weaknesses. I feel there are just too many options in combat. They game absolutely should have split the combat mechanics into unlocks that are worlds apart. Like, the game starts with form-changes, team-attacks, AND attraction attacks? And each of these will completely change how your controls interface with the environment. Most absurdly, is the shift from classic third-person kh controls to first-person microsoft flight simulator controls.

Which, like, isn't to say any of these are bad additions per-say. I just feel it gives the game a completely avoidable steep learning curve. Which in that vein, I also wish some of the combat mechanics could be turned off. It's just too much to keep track of.

But also, the game is amazing. Like, as long as you never press triangle, none of the above things happen, and you can enjoy a classic kh experience. Which, the game nails. I'm definitely thinking about trying to 100% it. Or at least playing through it a second time at higher difficulty.

Replaying kh1 made me realize how absurdly deep the game was. I found 4 secret bosses? And in preparing for them, I learned how the mushroom guys worked and how to properly farm for synthesis items. And I think it would be sick if kh3 had those mechanics as well. Obviously, I'll have to see, but here's hoping.

I'll try to post any more absurd details, but the Woody/Xehanort confrontation was too good to not write about.

[fantastical-and-magical]

My Top 5 Direct to Video Disney Movies (Not Accepting Criticisms)

5. Beauty and the Beast: The Enchanted Christmas

The film that inspired me to make this list in the first place. This was one of the few direct to VHS sequels (more like midquel) I owned as a child and one I have very fond memories of. The "Stories" song is constantly stuck in my head, as a child who used reading as an escape it really spoke to me. The reason it's number 5 though despite all of this is Maestro scared me as a kid and rewatching it the other day, he still gives me the willy nillies.

4. Jungle Book 2

Not one I had as a child so it's not clouded by nostalgia, I actually watched this one later in my teen years. If you were to ask me would I rather watch the original Jungle Book or this, I'd choose this every time. This film actually made me fall in love with the character of Mowgli and gave amazing depth to Shanti's character, which I really appreciate. I haven't seen it in a while but I remember it being a thoroughly enjoyable romp through the jungle.

3. Lion King 2: Simba's Pride

So I'm going to preface this by saying I also had this VHS as a kid. I've always been a sucker for the romance between Kiara and Kovu, even as a kid it made me swoon and I really think the music in this one is off the charts good. Love Will Find a Way, Upendi and We are One are some of my favourite songs not just in the Disney catalogue, but in general. The only reason this isn't higher is because number 2 has a deep personal connection that this couldn't possibly conquer. Still, this deserves a watch if you haven't seen it! It expands on the classic characters so well and does such a good job at making the new ones seem like they've always been there.

2. Aladdin and the King of Thieves

Aladdin was one of my favourite movies as a kid, and by extension this film. Like I mentioned in my Lion King 2 paragraph, Aladdin and the King of Thieves has a special place in my heart. Growing up I always felt outcasted and like I didn't belong, so the character of Aladdin spoke to me hardcore. This movie really spoke to me as a child of adoption as well, not knowing where I come from and wishing to understand the parts of me/know where I came from. Out of Thin Air is one of my favourite Disney songs because of that. But also, Robin Williams back as the Genie and finally the Aladdin/Jasmine wedding!!!! This movie is the perfect ending to the Aladdin trilogy.

Peter Pan: Return to Neverland

And finally we've reached my number one pick! This again is another movie I never owned as a child, but watched in my teen years when I was trying to catch up on some movies I missed as a child. I love Jane Darling, I love how they tie her disbelief in Peter Pan to World War 2 and having to grow up too fast. And finally, I love how Peter and Jane interact. Their interactions are perfect and this movie so perfectly fleshes out the character of Peter Pan. Again, this is a movie I would rather watch then it's original every time and that's saying something! Truly a gem of a film!

#direct to vhs disney movies #disney #disney sequels #top 5 #just for fun #rude people will be blocked #these are all opinion based #moony's top 5's