#also my mom is now freaking out and i havent even told her i feel sick yet i dont want to worry her... she's already high key about it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trickstarbrave · 11 months

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oh yeah i forgot i also use this place as a dream diary sometimes

i havent had a very detailed dream in a while! but i guess my brain decided to now since i went back to bed after calling out of work

i was very young when the dream started. like 7 or so??? maybe even as young as 5. i remember i was in absolute AGONIZING pain. high fever, body aches, pain in my head, in my chest, just absolutely thrashing about screaming from unimaginable pain. after a while though the pain faded enough to where i could think properly and i realized i was in the car, in the back seat laying across my irl family members, one person driving the car, my uncle holding my legs to keep me from kicking anything and hurting myself and my grandma holding my upper half. i was biting her in the pain and i realized that and felt horrible and slowly just tried to relax my body thinking that would be better and i was also out of energy. this made everyone freak the hell out though bc at least when i was screaming and thrashing around they knew i was still alive. like this they thought i was straight up dying but i didnt have the energy to tell them i was still alive just tired and the pain was going away

finally we made it to the hospital. it was dark the entire car ride only lit up by street lights. the hospital was bright and i hated it. apparently this was a specialty hospital bc these sorts of cases had been happening in children all of a sudden so it was government funded to research and treat it. they immediately took me from my family and rushed me in, sticking an iv in me and giving me various meds. i could taste the saline solution in my mouth from it and then the bitter taste of medication (fun fact you do feel that irl from meds in ur iv i hate it)

i wanted to see my mom. i didnt wanna be alone apart from my family. i reached toward them with what energy i had as they wheeled me away but the doctors all told my family i needed to be taken back alone on my bed. that was the last time i ever saw them. as soon as they got out of eyesight the nurses started smacking my hands and telling me to stop struggling and stop crying.

and thus begins the fucked up horrible part of the dream. to note: this was a world where magic did exist and was known but most of it vanished centuries ago and was declared cursed. the government knew kids were being born with this time of magic again and was taking us in to experiment on us and use us as weapons. we were basically institutionalized in there with no hope of ever getting out. we ranged in ages and backgrounds but we all had that in common. depending on the strength of our abilities we were experimented on more or less or experienced more isolation. i was barely allowed to see anyone that wasn’t a doctor or nurse and i was slowly losing my sanity in isolation. through my powers i looked through the ceiling to watch the stars every night and every corner of the night sky was lit up with little dots of light (i could perceive light much more sensitively with my powers i guess??? like a super strong telescope. idk if this means anything) and counted the times an ancient void serpent trailed around the sky because when it did i could see his long, terrifying form blot out the stars in blackness. most ppl couldnt see him but i could and after a while it brought me comfort. when i could during the day i’d pass notes to the other kids who were there, we told stories, made jokes. if we passed each other in the hall they would always give me knowing looks and encouragement. i was one of the youngest i think, which is why they were looking out for me.

then the time came. our powers were quickly becoming too much to control. the drugs to suppress them worked less and less. i got more and more creative with mine and discovered mine was basically reality warping. if i wanted something to happen and spoke it, it would happen. if other people around me believed in it enough it was even more likely to come true. another kid had the ability to manipulate time. another could eat anything and had super strength (we learned she also had some reality warping given she could also turn it into any food she wanted it to be when she ate it lol that was kinda fun she bit into metal and was like “OMG IT IS NUTELLA PANCAKES I WANTED IT TO BE I HAVENT HAD THEM SINCE I GOT HERE”) i saw another kid escape by looking through the walls and get brought back, but i formulated a plan. me and i think 5 other kids made our escape.

i was like 11-12 but i was the most important member and a secondary leader. the time kid was the big leader and he was like 15 or so??? maybe 16. he was tall but scrawny from all the testing and shitty food. we stole a van and they tried to stop us with like police barricades and shit but i could just blast them away or force the cars to move. then they tried tanks and the same shit happened but it was getting harder and harder to move around them. then i made us go up over the hill at a very high speed and i made the van fucking FLY with everyone else’s help. over the hill i could see the ancient ruins. they were from like the 1100′s??? looked like old stone castles from europe, but they were huge strongholds and no one went in them bc reality wasn’t normal inside them and they were rumored to be cursed. no matter what if we went in there the police wouldnt follow and the researchers wouldnt wanna risk it. it was getting dark now and i was tired but we couldnt sleep unless we found someplace safe to rest bc they needed me most of all to protect them so i had our leader drive the flying fucking van there. inside there was a small forest and a bunch of little houses and we went deeper and deeper until we got to the main village in the ruins. the houses were still mostly standing but filled with cobwebs and spiders but we retreated into the largest house which was kinda like a manor

everyone was creeped out and i wanted to make it comfortable so i went around was like “there are no more cobwebs and spiders” and then i went around and found us all the houses and basically made all of the floors fixed and brand new and the walls strong, then the windows fixed, then the fireplaces lit, then all the dishes cleaned and all the furniture fixed, then all the beds were comfy, and all the light posts had candles that were lit and so on. everyone was so impressed but then it came time to eat and i was like. fuck it. lemme try to get wild so i made a whole ass maid out of magic and she was a kind old woman who then conjured up a HUGE dinner for us bc we were starving but too tired to cook and she brushed out all of our hair while we were gorging ourselves. all the kids asked if my magic was always this strong and i said i didnt know if it was the location we were in or if the meds wearing off meant it was this strong. but god the food was delicious there was roast chicken and duck and potatoes and roasted veggies and fresh bread and stew and i was just gorging myself on everything that wasn’t flavorless slop.

but then someone knew showed up??? a guy was living there in the village apparently and saw all the lights. he was mad at us yelling asking how he did it before realizing it was magic and his eyes lit up. apparently he was an old spirit living here and seeing there were kids with magic again he was delighted and said i was his son/daughter now (he used both unsure if i was a boy or a girl and tbh in my dream i was like both are fine idk what i am) and i think now that im awake he might have been a god. lol.

he was talking to us and telling us all to go to bed since we were so tired but he’d explain everything in the morning and we could think of where to go next but after i crawled into bed (i could feel the linen sheets so vividly jesus) i woke up

#dream #dreams

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beforenightfalls · 2 years

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I had zero interest in sex or dating when I lived with my parents, it also had big to do that I wasn't allowed to do anything other than going straight to school and all the way home. No in between, no weekends, no phones etc. I grew up pre social media so I wasn't having sex anyway, but everyone was like I was a slut...cause I was somehow sneaking. I'm like how....cause "like a hawk" was an understatement. But I knew better rhwn cause I read and researched not because my parents or school taught me. If I was having sex I wouldn't of told my parents/anyone or let on. Cause the like a hawk, was gonna get worse. Pretty sure mom thought I'd figure it out to do it. She died and I was still "pure" I promised myself that if I ever had kids, I'd educate them about sex and protection etc and not make them feel like imma best their ass if I find out they're having sex. Brianna Simone Jr.: @--BeforeNightFalls thats extremely toxic because you're only going to cause your kids to be secretive and sneaky. They won't feel like you're a safe place and heaven forbid they get or get someone else pregnant. You would want to know right away. A lot of us have unresolved trauma for not having a safe place with our parents. Its within our best interest to talk to our kids rather than assault them autocorrect wont let me be great. LOL.But that's how my parents were with everything, not just sex. at some point i didnt even bother making friends cause i knew i couldnt hang with them over even talk on the phone, she'd get mad when myspace came around and i lived on there but that was literally the only interaction i had with other kids my age/fun i had. It got to the point that people stopped inviting me to birthday parties or to chill cause they knew mom wouldnt let me. I have ZERO happy memories from middle school and highschool and I wanted nothing more than HS to end so I can GTFO of there But even now at almost 33 I still reel from it.I was out at 1am leaving from my Middle school's friend's house in Queens and I lived in a different borough (3 buses to get back home, i havent seen my friend since 7th grade cause she moved outta state) recently and the later it got the more i started internally freaking out that it was gonna start an arguement with my dad, Im not outgoing and i have severe anxiety so this was a big deal for me and i was having a nice time, reconnected with another friend who knows her from HS and made a new friend, and i kept getting calls from him cussing me out and yelling at me and calling me names and blah blah because i was out so late, i know he was concerned but he wouldnt let me talk, and i left and then my phone died so he thought i was ignoring his calls, so he left me an obscene amount of VMs and I got home and he did the same and wouldnt let it go for 2 wks. my other friend invited me to a BBQ and i didnt even go, just to avoid this happening again cause when i told him about it, he turned hard and said ''O0HHHHHH AGAIN ANTOHER ONE!? YOURE NOT GOING ANY WHERE!!'' and blah blah.I understand being considerate of him but im 32. and i have zero social skills. ok im sorry. rant. he then proceeded to tell me i was a bad daughter and a disappointment and embarrassment for about a week , which he did after the 1st party in queens and then, used the old ''im sick, when i die, youre gonna kill nme'' type of shit my mom did for the 1st 24 ys of m life that everything i do or say ''will kill her'' and whatever, meaningful not dramatic. to get me to behave.

#GhostEntry101 #childhood trauma #healing the child within

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flintbian · 4 years

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So I've been feeling sick since last night, was more worried about it today, before getting the news today that I've come in contact with Covid and unfortunately the timeline matches up for me to have contracted it. I probably just have a cold due to exhaustion, lack of sleep, cold and stuff, but yeah uh slightly worried 😅

#unfortunately my symptoms line up so im just sitting here like 😬 as an immunocompromised individual who hasnt been doing the best lately #i kind of was already collapsed and run ragged so im...well that's great #so far i have a headache and sore throat light cough and have almost completely lost my voice today #I recorded my podcasts for class before it completely went today #damn there's really A Lot of things compiling in my life rn can Everything just chill dear lord i Will die at this rate #also my mom is now freaking out and i havent even told her i feel sick yet i dont want to worry her... she's already high key about it #edit: she called as i made this #why is life pummeling me atm #p

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heyitsyn · 3 years

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RANDOM SEIJOH HCs ACCORDING TO GIGI

a/n: this is a thing i cooked up between doing trig exam and ap gov review akdsjfldskfj

IM PRETTY SURE I ALREADY USED THIS GIF BUT IM WANTING TO RE-DO MY ENTIRE PAGE AND MAKING BANNERS SO THIS IS A TEMPORARY THING AJDJDJJD ALSO I DONT KNOW HOW TO DO THE KEEP READING THING ON THE APP BYE

oikawa def listens to indie music just bc he wants to feel unique and the 'iM diFfErENt fRoM oTHeR gUrLs' vibes

i FIRMLY BELIEVE IWAIZUMI HAJIME IS ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE WHO CHOMPS ON HIS ICE CREAM BC HE LIKES TO FEEL THE COLD ON HIS TEETH AKSJSKSKSK

meanwhile kunimi eats a kitkat like its pizza just CHOMP

makki caNNOT sleep without a pillow between his thighs LIKE LISTEN he has 2 sisters and they all told him its so comfortable and at first he was like,, ??,, then he tried and now cant sleep without it

bUT MATTSUN LIKES TO SLEEP WITH PILLOWS SURROUNDING HIM bc it makes him feel safe and like there are two body pillows on either side of him and hes kinda trapped in the middle aksjskdk

when kyo was younger, he was really short and although he had other pants, he loved this one pair but they were really long on him and he wore it all the time and the part of the pants that touched the ground is torn in shreds

kindaichi steps on the sofa before sitting LIKE puts one foot on the cushion then the other until hes literally standing on the couch before folding to sit with his knees up to his chest (i do this)

watari sniffs his food before eating it no matter if its something he eats all the time or something new, he still sniffs it either way

yahaba is really particular with his feet and he likes to get a really big tupperware (duh one only meant for his feet) and fill it up with warm almost boiling water and he just soaks them

oikawa has sleep paralysis and he oftens hallucinates about aliens in the corner of his room

kunimi does this thing where he makes weird noises with his mouth like sounds of his mouth opening LIKE when youre tastinf something new and you do that sound with your tongue (I DUNNO HOW TO DESCRIBE IT AJDKSKKD)

makki bends his knees just to crack his ankles

iwa sneezes a ton but he has those sneezes where theyre quiet that you dont even notice or really loudly that it just echoes throughout the gym

kyo sleeps with one sock on bc his feet gets cold easily but both socks make him feel really hot so only one sock is perfect

for a tall and hunk of a guy, mattsun is a very light walker like his footsteps are very light and if he wants to, it can be practically silent

watari actually hates vegetables ajssksksk he particularly hates zucchini, eggplants, any vegetables that are that shape

kindaichi likes to stick or lean against walls because to him, they feel cold and can decrease his body heat

oikawa stands and places his feet at V position like \/ instead of ll because his sister did ballet and he was taught that was the right way of standing and it was considered graceful

yahaba has a fear of cactuses

mattsun does so badly in the heat because his body temp runs so high and the hot surroundings make him feel so uncomfortable and so he takes a lot of cold showers

iwa cannot swim like he freaks out immediately when his toetips can no longer feel the bottom and he panics with thoughts of drowning

watari has really small feet that he still buys big kids shoes to save money

kyotani considered playing baseball because he thought baseball bats were cool but he got angry and threw tantrum after missing his first pitch

iwa chomps on a whole raw chili while eating ramen akskksks

oikawa actually hates sweets bc when he was younger, he had cavities and iwa showed him a cartoon of cavities eating his teeth and will make him toothless

kindaichi really really likes hugs but hes too awkward to ask them even from his parents

yahaba chomps on mints so he goes through boxes of them in a week

i feel like theres a boy in the team who doesnt brush their teeth everyday and rubs a towel on their teeth to make it look clean and take mints to hide their bad breath

iwaizumi is actually iron deficient so he bruises super super fast and he even developed iron defiency anemia when he was younger bc his parents didnt catch on which caused him to be put on strong medication for months and still takes it now

WAIT,, OIKAWA IS LACTOSE INTOLERANT BUT HE LIKES MILK SO HE EATS MILK BREAD TO MAKE HIM FEEL NOT SO BAD OR GUILTY OF CONSUMING STRAIGHT DAIRY

seijoh four bonding time is watching gordom ramsey shows and yelling and screaming 'YEA! EXACTLY!' as if theyre also cooking genuises

watari used to eat grapes all the time until his mom got worried and told him if he doesnt stop, he will eventually turn into one. he only eats it every few weeks

when he was younger, kunimi cried because he had befriended a chicken on a trip to a farm and his mom took him to eat fried chicken after and he thought it was Chicky (his chicken friend :"))

kyotani used to stick out his tongue when it was raining so he could taste the raindrops. they taste better than bottled water

one time, during a seijoh sleepover, they dared oikawa to wear his sisters old uniform, skirt and all, and it backfired so everyone turned red and couldnt look at him in the face

their pregame ritual is touching each other's shoe tips

they tried doing yoga at yahaba's house before by watching yoga youtube videos but everyone ended up having to go to the chiropractor after (how did makki even turn into the human pretzel?)

the local gym gets so scared when they see the team coming through the doors bc these men are so LOUD like they HYPE EACH OTHER UP SO MUCH THEYRE SO ANNOYING AKSKSKDK

also never take them to an all you can eat sushi place. if you do, bring them earlier of the day like 30 mins after opening time so the cooks can cook enough for them without running out of ingredients (even then sometimes they still run out)

oikawa used to eat his mom's roses from her garden because he thought it would make his farts smell good like roses

takahiro is a surprisingly good artist like he draws really cool action fighting scenes in the corner of his papers and stuff

in my work: it's canon that iwa is half filo and his nanay used to dress him up in a barong all the time during halloween bc she wanted him to showcase his heritage

yahaba drinks a lot of milk because he hopes to one day grow strong and bulky like the 3rd years instead of being seen as a pretty boy

kindaichi's mom is a hairstylist and she always scolds him for using a lot of gel bc she's always the one who washes his hair

makki never learned how to do taxes and hes had the government knocking on his door a handful of times (BOKUTO AKKDJSKKS)

kyo has a dog: a chiweenie

there's someone on the team who wears those socks with individual pockets for toes

their pinterest is so different from what they look like for example, mattsun has a board of different flower decorations and arrangements

kunimi throws up during intense horror movies

watari's celeb crush is emma watson

the team alternates from different music genres like from ateez and bts to mxmtoon and beach bunny

they still dont know how to pronounce camila cabello's name

theyre all active in social media but only oikawa is on it 24/7 and in all platforms while the others have insta and snap

mattsun has twins as little siblings and he used to get them mixed up all the time that he used to draw a sharpie dot on the girl's forehead to determine she was his sister

watari hates sitting on the floor bc his butt bone hurts really easily so he can only sit on cushions for long periods of time

the team was supposed to have a party but everyone didnt know what to bring so they proved they shared the same braincell by bringing the same thing: a box of pizza

makki's an old soul and prefers to play records on a record player or watch old movies

kyo is surprisingly good at giving massages because he really pushed hard on those tense muscles

kindaichi knows how to crack necks so everyone goes to him a lot to do it (a friend of mine does this and can i say its terrifying yet so good?)

the only one who has a license is matsukawa and thats because granny needs to go to the doctor a lot and he hates her walking by herself and cabs are expensive

kyotani and yahaba are actually,,, lowkey close,,, not like best friends but theyre nice to each other and they got a stick and poke together (yahaba's was: :) while kyo's was: >:))

watari has a collection of mangas (some bl maybe 👀)

WARNING SAD: mattsun’s future job is a funeral person right? he ends up taking care of granny’s funeral free of charge and he had to take a week off because it was really painful for him

oikawa learned spanish SUPER fast to the point he forgets japanese sometimes but there are moments where he forgets both languages and hes just,,,, ???

makki’s unemployed yea but he rooms with mattsun in exchange of cooking because makki’s surprisingly good at cooking

iwa is practically the nutritionist of the team because he knows everything about proteins, carbs, iron, and needed vitamins so they all go to him to know what to eat and what they need

kunimi has lots and lots of shoes but usually only wears 2

kindaichi has a habit of pretending hes chewing gum even though he doesnt have gum, his mouth just chomps and moves with air akasldfjkf

there was a clown phenomenon in america but in their city, they had a mascots and seijoh 4 went around scaring kids :”(

oikawa never manspreads he gets too insecure to spread out like that akdjfkd

kyotani can easily sleep anywhere like he would be standing and just fall asleep or he sleeps with his eyes open

yahaba’s parents own a restaurant somewhere in the city and he works there sometimes

IM REALLY GOING TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS YALL AKSDJFKL

SORRY IM WRITING TOO MUCH I FEEL BAD THAT I HAVENT UPDATED BUT IM IN A CAR RIDE RN AND I WAS ABLE TO WRITE AGAIN AND MY EXAMS HAVE FINISHED THIS WEEK IMMA CRY

PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH ANY OTHER HCS YOU GUYS KNOW OF SO I CAN PUT IT IN HERE AND CREDIT YOU WITH IT SO WE CAN HAVE LIKE A HCS BOOK FROM EVERYONE BUT THIS IS WHAT I STARTED WITH

oikawa screams a lot according to gigi but he’s actually a really quiet guy and not easy to scare

OKAY YOU GUYS DONT KILL ME I SWEAR IVE BEEN SO TERRIBLE AT WRITING BUT YOU KNOW WHO TURNED ONE TODAY? THIS PAGE!!! MY BABY IS ONE ALREADY 😭😭😭 ANYWAYS, HOPE THIS CAN MAKE YOU GUYS SMILE TODAY AND SCHOOL ENDS NEXT WEEK AND IM ALREADY AT 132 DRAFTS AMSJKSDKSK SO OH MY GOD THERES GOING TO BE SO MUCH COMING AND IM SO EXCITED TO GET THEM OUT 😩😩

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blxetsi · 3 years

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Hello! I love your blog and writing so much! May I please request modern au dating hcs for Mikasa?

tysm for requesting ilysm 🙈💥

i also went a bit overboard i hope thats okay !!

modern mikasa ackerman dating headcanons

lowercase intended !

college!mikasa ackerman x gn!reader

- eren finds out abt her crush on you. idc idc

- mf may be dense sometimes but he isnt stupid, he KNOWS what mikasa acts like when shes in the presence of her crush,, he would know bc he was one ;)

- anyways, maybe your like, going up to ask mikasa for her notes from last class, or just chatting with them to be friendly

- either way mikasa goes from 😳 to 😐 real quick

- shes very quiet which youre used to so you dont really think too long abt her lack of communication. its literally just you and eren talking at this point

- after you leave to,,, idk sit under a tree ?? erens immediately turning to mikasa being like "okay tell me everything"

- she denies the crush on u 😔💔

- but then eren tells armin.

- and eren has a big mouth so who knows who else he told ??

- so finally, after beating up eren for spilling the beans she tells her two closest friends EVERYTHING

- like from how nice your hair smells to how pretty she finds your eyes. how she loves your sense of style. she just likes everything about you

- erens like "i mean yeah theyre rlly cute but like,,, what do you like about them that isnt physical 😐"

- mikasa starts blushing HARD. and slowly goes to her bedroom in their shared apartment, before slinking back out holding a crinkly folded piece of paper.

- its something you wrote and it says "thanks for studying with me mikasa !! let me treat you to boba as a thanks. youre so sweet, ill see you next class babie"

- erens looking at the note like 😐 mf is this it ??

- armins flipping it back and forth and reading it over and over again

- mikasa just says "theyre kind to everyone. and theyre funny. i just like them a lot."

- erens like 🙄 k but armins all for it

- then they start coming up with a plan to get you to like mikasa back (even though mikasa doesnt want that)

- erens an asshole and says "mikasa i love you and you will always be my number one, HOWEVER. they might just see you as a friend, OR WORSE. an aquaintance. we gotta make u so cool that youre irresistable"

- now mikasa is a bit worried

- HOWEVER. what none of those idiots know is that YOU have had a fat crush on mikasa since you asked her for a pencil at the beginning of the semester 😍 she stared at u like 😐✏️ and u were like "omg thanks 😊" w a little blush on ur cheeks bc mikasa's hot

- i mean,, if you didnt like mikasa WHY would you have invited her out for boba ?? one, who doesnt like boba ?? and two,, doesnt that count as a date ? u didnt know but u just wanted to like ✨subtly✨ shoot your shot

- but that was almost a month ago and she hasnt said yes. so you assume she didnt wanna go

- a few days go by after mikasa tells her friends all about her crush. and like,,, they do nothing ?? what happened to the big plan of making mikasa seem like the coolest person around ?

- it turns out eren doesnt know enough about you to know what you like. and ur dumbass friends aint help either.

- so one day he finds you and mikasa coming out of your shared class, your talking about something and mikasa is just nodding with a blush on her cheeks.

- he runs up to both of you before saying "hey just to let you know mikasa has a big crush on you. and she'd love to go get boba with you 😁👍"

- mikasa gets so red in the face and starts smacking him with her binder. you couldnt stop it even if you tried

- after literally YELLING at them for their attention you just turn to mikasa like "please get boba with me 🥺" and she cant resist

- and then the rest is history 😌✨

- after the boba date you learned so much about her and vice versa. you guys were like,, closer than ever. always going to her apartment or her coming to your dorm

- you guys would have sleepovers very frequently. nothing ever happens but you two like being so close with each other

- and you guys do a lot together when you arent busy with school or work or friends

- mikasa takes you to cool museums and art galleries

- you take her to cool shops downtown and parks

- its so fun

- but you cant help but wonder if youre dating or not ?? like do you have the right to call mikasa your gf ?? you guys havent kissed on the lips but she always kisses your head when you cuddle, and you always take each other out on dates

- on the day you finally bring it up during one of your sleepovers. shes on her back and youre almost on top of her with your arms around her shoulders and your face smushed into her chest

- u just kinda mumble "are you my girlfriend ?"

- and its SILENT.

- u start freaking out bc "omg she doesnt like me 😁👍 im gonna cry"

- until she just quietly says. "yes."

- OFNWIDNKWSMWKKWKALSMQLSME

- ur gonna marry this girl 😐

- her love language ?? definitely acts of service. idc idc.

- when u sleep over shes making you tea without u asking. (u said u liked lavender tea ONCE and this bith got a whole container 😭😭)

- when you have movie nights with her, eren, and armin she always chooses a movie you like ("no we arent watching the florida project again armin cried last time" "yeah but y/n loves it so" "this feels like oppression mikasa" "okay and ?")

- is also very protective. she hears mfs in the halls talking shit about you ?? shes shutting them up with her glare

- also u know how isayama made her goth in his like, highschool thingy ?? yeah 😍

- #gothmikasasupremacy

- she makes her eyeliner and shadow messy on purpose.

- you love just laying her down on her bed and straddling her, just leaning over and doing her makeup for her (jules and anna tease 🙈✨)

- sometimes you guys go to thrift stores and pick out outfits for each other

- one time you found this GORGEOUS floral sundress and she physically shivered from the thought of wearing

- tried it on and looked SO BEAUTIFUL, but it wasnt her style 😐

- also doesnt tell her parents about you ?? not bc shes embarassed or anything but just because she knows her dad is gonna be like "who are they ? what are they like ? where do they live ? whats their major ? where are they from ? whats their zodiac sign ?"

- he doesnt do it to play the "overprotective dad" role but because hes genuinely curious and excited

- she brings you home for the first time and youre so surprised because this tall blond man is her FATHER ?? she looks so much like her mom though its not even funny

- for dinner her mom and dad made traditional japanese food 😭😭 it was so good omfg

- also this has nothing to do with dating headcanons but mikasa used to live off of lunchables as a kid. was literally addicted to the rubber like ham 😍

- her mom is so sweet, and she shows you all of the stuff she's embroidered all these years

- her dad is so extroverted, he loves telling dad jokes. you find them HILARIOUS but mikasa sits there like 😐👍

- he DEMANDS you guys play scrabble. he says it help him figure out who you are as a person. now youre scared 😁👍

- anyways

- you love giving her little kisses on her lips because one, you get some of her moisturizing lip gloss on your lips and two, she blushes SO HARD

- one time you two were on a date and you ran into her ex. whos literally so scary

- her name is annie and shes blonde and muscular and rlly hot but has that same blank stare as mikasa

- you feel kinda weird bc how did she go from being with ANNIE to you ??

- you ask her abt it and shes like "oh yeah we dated in our last year of high school. im much happier with you" and now youre feeling all giggly and happy bc mikasa doesnt lie 😭😭

- u roll around on her bed with your cheeks squished together to hide your blush bc you feel so good that she said that

- she just rolls her eyes before getting on top of you and taking your hands away from your face

- she gives u kisses all over before putting the final one on your lips. its such a soft and sweet moment with just the two of you, you cant help but confirm what youve already thought:

youre gonna marry her one day.

a/n

i REAAALLLLYYYY enjoyed making this oml. i hope u all enjoyed this !! remember: requests r open for anything aot OR u can give me ideas for other fandoms to write for

kk goodbye friends 🤩🤩🤩

#attack on titan headcanons #attack on titan #attack on titan x reader #mikasa ackerman #mikasa ackerman x reader #eren jaeger #eren yeager #armin arlert #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman #shingeki no kyojin #shingeki no kyoujin imagine

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sanchoyo · 3 years

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danny phantom episode 4-7 Thoughts: (under a readmore because, these got kinda long!)

-the outfit danny had to buy for dash's party. CLASSIC 2000S i cannot stop laughing. And also showing up to the party and everyone is dressed like the trio is hilarious. and further proof that everyone looks good dressed goth.

-dash has a closet full of cute lil bear plushies?? LOVE that. adorable. also his response to danny trashing his room fighting a ghost was SO valid if somone BROKE MY BED IN HALF ID BE PISSED TOO.

-technus being like 'oh smart, u should be a tutor!' then later being like 'forget tutor, be a teacher!' :) supportive king <3 I also really like his upgraded suit/design. AND SPOCK CAMEO??? HELLO??

-the music in this show is super. its so funky. I looked it up and the guy who does it, guy moon (awesome name) also did music for other cartoons like fairly odd parents, barnyard, chalkzone, billy & mandy, AND some actual movies like FIGHT CLUB??? the whiplash I got from reading that)

-sam being rich explains a lot about her, actually.

-I know the moral of the episode was supposed to be 'dont ditch your friends for popular people/spend a lot of money on clothes that arent You to Fit In'. but tbh. it wouldve been easy for danny to have been like 'well, okay, ill come but only if my friends can!' but I get. that hes 14. so. not a lot to say there.

-BOX GHOST IS BACK!!!!! also, danny sitting up and wearing the dress/wig/makeup. umm thats how I dress everyday LMFAO. unironically me. (hate the jokes that boil down to 'haha funney man in dress' tho. but this is a look)

-jazz being protective of her brother once again being like NOOO YOU GUYS BETTER NOT STAKE OUT HIS (actually haunted) LOCKER!! shes aware of how people perceive him and she wants to help :( which is also probably why she told dash to invite him to that party even tho she had no interest in going!! she wants to help him out :(

-gotta say im with tucker on the whole 'should danny use his powers to get back at bullies' debate. 100% yes. let him teach kids to fight back. making dash throw his food at paulina out of the blue? no. but when hes actually about to pick on someone? yeah! for self defense? YEAH! if dash and his friends just threw food at him, I think rather than. idk doing sneaky shit with frogs he couldve just threw it back and not pulled punches if they tried to fight. I kNOOWWW its a kids show so they are like 'if u fight back ur just as bad!! violence bad!!' but. theyre HIS POWERS. WHO CARES.

-like my only gripe is that dash really isnt LEARNING ANYTHING WHEN DANNY GETS BACK AT HIM IN THE MOST PETTY INDIRECT WAYS. whatever they had to add a bully psa episode I guess. I hate it and I hate the way cartoons usually handle it because these methods simply Do Not Work. 'aND YouRE USinG YOur poWErs FOR EVill???!' this is Not Evil. even when poindexter takes dannys body, theyre only being 'nice' bc hes stealing soda for them!! bitches deserve what they get (nothing too brutal bc theyre high schoolers but damn, if they pick on danny he doesnt need to be the 'bigger person' he needs to start biting people)

-SAM TRYING TO SMUGGLE FROGS OUT OF THE BIO LAB?? girl in middle school when we had to dissect frogs we could opt out, also, they came to us already dead and preserved...

-sidney's lingo and the fact hes in black and white is sending me. also, danny is a ghost celebrity apparently for being a halfa?? ok. thats interesting to know

-the DENTIST BEING EXCITED ABOUT THE COTTON CANDY FLOOD IS THE FUNNIEST THING SO FAR.

-I LOOOVE the trope of 'wishes gone wrong'. not crazy about the stereotypical genie, or the use of the dreamcatcher looking design. (also, I KNOW theyre scientists but the way theyre handling a cold...are the fentons ANTIVAX)

-the genie. she. whitewished paulina. JKASDFHKJ. (the ghost literally just being hello kitty???? im dying) 'why do i feel that im special and wonderful? because I AM! <3' paulina ilu self worth queen. felt bad for her also getting possessed by (2) boys later who were arguing INSIDE HER. WTF.

-imagine being the guy trapped in his now flying car. he thought danny and tucker were HALUCINATIONS. imagine being trapped in a flying car with two, what you think are imaginary arguing 14 year olds convinced ur gonna die. i WOULD say this dude is gonna need so much therapy, but he seemed totally fine and excited when they landed (I would be happy too if a chicken was on my head. chickens rule) stoner rights

-sam's bat slippers??? iconic. SO cute.

-I think desiree's backstory is so :( do all ghosts have messed up sad backstories?? poindexter's was sad too...cannot imagine box ghost has any kind of fucked up backstory. but what if. his mom got pushed off cliffs by boxes...........a la cruella... anyway her 'no man may lay a hand on me' iconic. ilu

-I know danny has no concept of how much bras cost but my god dont attack tucker with some girls bra. those are so expensive.

-its really. well its not a GOOD THING he went into the portal and got fucked up, but its good danny was the one to do it rather than sam or tucker. because even tho he was being influenced by desiree and kept getting more malicious and it prob wasnt 100% him...he sucked as a ghost like most the people he 'pranked' were innocent ppl just Chillin and he didnt want to help anyone at all. I think danny is the most responsible out of them but also, hes 14 and shouldnt HAVE to feel obligated to fight every ghost. hes a good kid and wants to, but I also feel like he feels like...responsible for the portal turning on?? because his parents did give it up,, but it was an accident and not his fault (if anything, why was the on switch on the inside. why was it that easy. why was there no safety measures. that seems like smth OSHA needs to hear about). like thats my son. hes a good boy. and hes never done anything wrong in his life, ever. if anyone hurts him im killing everyone in this room and then myself. etc.

-danny's curfew is 10PM????? DUDE. when I was 14...shit I couldn't be out that late, I had to be back at like, 8 at the latest, and my parents had to know exactly where and who I was going with, AND i had to call/text them regularly...is this a case of my parents being overbearing, or the fentons sucking??? the only time i could EVER be out that late was if I was at an overnight sleepover or smth...

-the vultures have lil fezes. why do they have fezes...theyre so fuckin funny 'ask him for directions' 'I KNOW WHERE IM GOING' these ghost vultures are my new grandpas. pick them up, put them in the adopt box.

-'I wonder why those guys were trying to waste dad!' THEYRE GHOSTS. YOUR DAD HUNTS GHOSTS. why is that not a conclusion you'd immediately jump to??

-*jazz voice, clearly disgusted* WISCONSIN???

-mrs fenton with the lab coat and leg warmers and PERM. YESSS STYLISH.

-was going to say 'ew billionaire' @vlad but. super valid he used his powers to assumedly steal and cheat to get that money, thats how all billionaires do it! but ew hes a SIMP. and spending your billions on FOOTBALL STUFF?? you are Not Valid overall. I DO respect the fact you have a castle instead of a mansion. in wisconsin. if youre going to be stupidly rich might as well go all out, torches on the wall and all. I DO like his ghost form's little kitty ears. catman. and his cape! every design can benefit from a cape. and how different his forms look, like danny looks the EXACT SAME IN BOTH FORMS ASIDE FROM COLOR CHANGES. vlad's is like,, I could believe they were different people!! also I love the drama. but dude you are fighting a 14 year old. lame. also he was like, telling danny he wanted his mom and him and like, wanted him to renounce his dad?? WHAT ABOUT JAZZ?? bitch. those r MY kids and they are both important and special. I do agree they need better parents but thats not u sir <3

-I thought vlad's 'little badger' nickname for danny came from the football mascot of the packers, but google says they have NO MASCOT?? so now I'm like?? is it because his hair is sometimes black and sometimes white?? I hate to give him props but thats a PERFECT NICKNAME. theyre also tiny and vicious!

-why did I get so excited that Skulker is back!! its been like. 2-3 eps LMAO. AND THE DAIRY KING. ICONIC I LOVE HIM. hes the nicest guy ever :) more nice ghosts please. danny cannot be fighting alone everytime with no ghost buds like every ghost being hostile sucks :(

-mr. fenton knew vlad was controlling him, but a few episodes ago he had no clue danny was doing the same thing...is it something about how malicious the ghost is?? he just seemed to think his memory had gaps the first time, this time he was INSTANTLY LIKE 'GHOST'. then again in this ep when danny did it again he was just slightly confused but not immediately freaking out like he did with vlad possessing him!!

-'my parents will accept ME NO MATTER WHAT' so. so why haven't you come out to them yet, danny?? if you really think that?? if theres no harm, and you're sure??? if vlad is a real problem, wouldnt that make dealing with him easier, to expose him???? SO WHY HAVENT YOU COME OUT YET?? COULD IT BE,, MAYBE YOU HAVE DOUBTS ABOUT WHETHER YOUR PARENTS ACTUALLY WILL ACCEPT YOU??? 🤔 ... 🏳‍🌈 I get why people say He Is Trans. I totally totally get u danny.

-sorta unrelated, but it just occurred to me in one of these eps they go to casper HIGH not casper middle school??? theyre 14?? dont highschools usually do ages 15-18? (I didnt go to hs so I might be wrong, if I am ignore this...) freshmen are usually 14-15, could just be a case of them not turning 15 yet but they will sometime in the school year (I say they because tucker said he was 14 too)? I know the show has 3 seasons, so by the end of it will they be older? thatd be neat but usually cartoon characters stay the same age...I love shows where you can see the characters age and grow up, though...three seasons seems like a long time to spend on like, 1 year...

#sanchoyorambles #danny phantom #me on the first post:#its not a liveblog!#me this time: it kinda is. but not in the same format as my tmm one #i like doing one post for a handful of eps bc it saves time #and crowds my blog less #and also i just like talking abt what im watching lol #dp thoughts

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zmayadw · 3 years

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Hello to all :)

Time for the next part!

Wish you all a wonderful evening! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 13

We continued enjoying our time, as Aurora got more crowded with people. At some point Cleo showed up, coming to say hi to us, as she was here to meet with Hannah and the others . She had one drink with us before going to sit with them, telling how she is bussy helping her mom at the Gates of Hope with redecorating and other stuff, but she hopes all will be done soon, so we can finaly meet in peace. As it got more crowded with people, Phil was busy and also didnt have much time to have fun with us. Jessy was in a quite good mood, joking and drinking, it was nice seeing her like that.The music playing was good. There was a mixture of everything, from 80's till present day. A song started and Jessy grabbed my hand „Ohhh, lets dance, Maya, i love this song!“ I had no chance to say anything, as Jessy lead me half way to the dance floor already. She started dancing, and i couldnt do anythign but join her. And we had fun. I needed this, i tought, just some simple fun with good friends. Dan joined us from time to time, showing off his killer dancing skills. Phil was passing by us few times, going to one of the booths or tables, always winking at me with that devilish grin of his. One of the times, as Jessy and me wer dancing Phil came from behind me, wraping his free hand arround my waist and squeezing agains me. We just moved with the rhythm of the music for a while, before he groaned at my ear „Arghh, as much as i would love to stay here with you gorgeous, but work is calling.“ I grined at him, as he let go of me slowely „Aww, next time then.“ As much as i liked it, i hoped Jake didnt see this. I wouldnt want him to get the wrong idea about Phil and me. I really wanted to know where i stand with him, but this noncomunication between us wasnt helping. Lily told me to be patient, but as i told Jessy, my patiance is running short. I leaned to Jessy telling her i need to go sit down for a while, and we returned at the bar. Dan and Thomas wer there talking, and both got up from the stools letting us sit as we came. Thomas smiled at us „You two really got it going on tonight.“ He turned to Dan saying teasingly „You better be careful,man, and keep her close to you“ He pointed at Jessy „They wer smoking hot on the floor, dont let someone steel her.“ Jessy grined at Thomas „Let him sweat a little, he might appriciate me more then.“ „Awww, babe, dont be cruel, you know i appriciate you.“ Dan told her, being dramatic as always, making a puppy face. „Ohh, shus it, you big goof, and lets dance.“ She told him, taking him by the hand to the dance floor. Thomas turned to me „So, can i presume all is good between Lily and you now?“ „I guess you can.“ I told him, and he smiled „Thats good to heare.“ A waiter came with two drinks, handing them to Thomas. „Guess then soon we can all get together again, without any drama.“ „Definatly!“ i said, smiling. He smiled back „Good. Well, have fun, Maya, see you arround.“ I waved at the waiter asking for a mineral water, i was really thursty from all the dancing. I checked my phone, it was after 3, and i noticed a missed call sign. I opened the call log, and when i saw it was another of those hidden numbers, my mood darkened all of a sudden. What is going on here, i touhgt, thess calls are starting to get me worried. Jessy and Dan returned from dancing, and i decided i had enough for the night. This thing shook me up good, and i doubted i could enjoy the evening anymore. I told Jessy i'd be going, to wich she protested a bit, but hugged me and said to call her for coffee any time im up for it. I took my things, waving them goodby. As i was near the entrance, i saw Phil, so i waved at him, he winked and made a phone gesture with his hand, suggesting we'll be talking soon.

As i left the Aurora, cool night air washed over me, so i put my jacket on. I got to my car, just leaning on the side of it, my mind still thinking of those damn calls. They are starting to freak me out a bit, and that sinister feeling started to creep up to me again. I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath, when a voice said „Are you ok?“ I opened my eyes, seeing Jake standing infront of me. I managed to barely make a smile at him „Yeah, im fine.“ He was looking at me, those deep eyes scaning every inch of my face, like he knew what i said wasnt true. „Just tired, i guess.“ I added, giving him a bit bigger smile, wich seemed to make him belive me. He leaned on the car next to me, and we just stood there in silence for a while. I get restless every time im close to him, my hands itch to just grab him and pull him closer. „You look good, by the way.“ He said after a while, giving me a shy look. His words snaped me from my fantasizing, and i smiled and winked at him „Thanks, glad you noticed.“ „Ofcourse i did, i do have eyes, you know.“ He said teasingly. I turned towards him making a gesture of bevilderment as i said „Oh my, he can joke!“ „I try my best.“ He said, smiling. Oh that beautiful smile, i tought again, making me smile, too. „You going back in?“ he asked. „No.“ I started „I'm actualy contemplating should i walk or drive back to the motel.“ „And how's that going for you?“ he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. „Well, considering im still standing here doing non of the above, i would say not good.“ I replied, sighing desperatly. He chuckled at me „Hmm, well, how about I drive you back to the motel?“ I looked at him surprised, not really expecting it „You would do that?“ He smiled shyly at me „I would“ pausing a bit, before adding „For you.“ My heart started beeting like crazy, and i could feel heet comming to my cheeks. This night really is interesting. „Umm, well, sure, i'd like that.“ I told him. „But, you dont mind walking back again?“ i asked. „No, its fine.“ „Alright then, lets go.“ I told him, taking my keys out of my purse handing them to him. Our palms touched as i gave him the keys, and our eyes met. He moved his hand slowly away, taking the key, giving me goosebumps. I barely glued myself of the car to let him get in. I got in myself as he started the car and we drow from the Auroras parking. It wouldnt take us long to the motel, and i wished the ride wasnt that short. I noticed he was driving slower then you would normaly drive, as if sharing my toughts himself. I felt nervous, my head was blank, i didnt know what to say. All of a sudden, a tought crossed my mind. „Hey, Jake, can i ask you something?“ „Sure.“ He said, sounding relieved the awkward silence got broken. „Well, i just tought, i havent had a chance to ask you before. Wern't you in some kind of trouble, if im not mistaken?“ i paused before continuing. „I mean, we never discussed it any further. And since you're here at Duskwood for quite some time now already, i was just wondering what's up with all that.“ „You're right“ he started, glancing shortly at me, focusing back on the road „Short version: lets say i made a deal with some people, making sure i'll be left at peace.“ „A deal“ i started „You didnt threaten anyone, or something like that?“ „What?“ he said, „Ofcourse not! What made you ask that?“ „Hey, its a legit question.“ I told him, rising my hands up. „You can understand why a tought like that might cross my mind.“ He was silent for a moment before saying „Ok, fair enough. But, no, i didnt threaten anyone, if that makes you feel better.“ „It does. I just dont want for things to get complex for you again.“ I said, adding after a little pause, my voice getting a bit sadder „Or you dissapearing again.“ He looked at me with such tenderness, slowing the drive even more now „Dont worry, Maya, i'm not going anywhere.“ I smiled at him „Good.“ He turned his head, focusing on the road again, and i realized we came at the motel. He parked close to my room. Neither of us was eager to leave the car, so we just sat there in silence for a moment. I had a felling he wanted to say something, but wasnt sure about it. I finaly managed to force myself to leave the car. I was about to pull the door handle, when Jake suddenly said „Wait.“ I turned towards him. „Can i ask you something now?“ „Sure“ i said, even tho i had a feeling i wouldnt really like the question. He got all nervouse, but finaly asked „You and Phil.. is there something happening?“ Oh,no,no,no, i tought, why he had to ask it. The night would end perfectly without this. I groaned pleadingly at him „Ugh, can we not talk about Phil now, please.“ „Why not?“ he asked, and i noticed his nervousness intensifing. „Because i dont know what to tell you, Jake.“ „How about the truth?“ he said. „I cant do that.“ He looked at me confused „Why not?“ „Because i myself dont know what the truth is.“ I groaned, leaving the car. He left the car, closing the door and walking over to me handing me the keys „What do you mean?“ „I mean, i'm a mess, Jake.“ I started „I dont know what to think any more. You want the truth? Fine. Yes, i like Phil, i cant denie it. We clicked, i feel good arround him, thats the truth.“ My words stung him, and he barely managed to say „I see.“ He leaned with his back against the car, steadying himself. But i wasnt finished yet. „And then there's you, Jake“ i started, my voice full of compassion and tenderness. He looked at me, his eyes meeting mine. „I like you, too. I like you so much, that it hurts.“ I paused a bit before i continued. „Im drawn to you like a magnet, i cant pull off. But, its like, every time the magnets are about to connect, one switches polarity and the other is thrown aback. Its driving me insane! With Phil, everything flows easy. But with you, its everything but easy.“ „Maya, i know i'm not the easiest person..“ he started to say, but i held my fingers to his lips, not leting him speak.They wer so soft and warm, i had to focuse hard on what i wanted to say. „I know, its not easy for you to open up, to let people in. I get it. And i know i said i can wait, that i'll be patiente. But my patiance is fading. I dont know how much longer i can go on like this, Jake. Its tearing me up inside.“ As i said it, i leaned my forehead to his, putting both of my arms to his chest,leaning against him. We just stayed like that for a while. Being this close to him, and the warmth of his body radiating - i felt serene. His heart was beeting fast, probably matching mine. I could stay like this forever, i tought, but i needed to continue. I was waiting for this, to finaly tell him what was on my mind. „I need to know what might be of us.“ I said „If there even exists the posibility of 'us'.“ We stayed like that for a while more, non of us daraing to move or speak, before i slowely pulled away from him. I sighed „You dont have to say anything now. Just, think about what i said. You know where to find me if you want to talk.“ I leaned to him, giving him a kiss on the cheek „Good night, Jake. Thanks for the ride.“ I turned walking slowly towards my room, when i heard him say „Good night, Maya, sweet dreams.“ I turned back, not stopping in my steps, giving him one more smile, him smiling back. I hoped me opening up like this will make him finaly understand the depths of my feelings. I knew there was a posibility he might not feel the same, but i didnt care of it now. I did what i could, i told him how i feel, now he holds all the cards. I unlocked my door and entered the room, kicking my boots off, throwing myself on the bed. What an interesting night it was, i tought smiling, covering myself with blanket and letting sleep take over me.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfic #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood mc #duskwood jake #duskwood aurora

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jazajas · 4 years

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okay so i finished love, victor a while ago and i saw some other reviews and thoughts about it here so now i've got a pretty good list on my thoughts and feelings.

tl;dr: it has some issues, yes, but im gonna hold out and hope it gets better later on because the same thing happened with the first few eps, i wasn't that into it but then it got good, and nothing is ever great with the first season, because at that point we're getting used to those characters.

⚠️caution: spoilers ahead (im on mobile, i cant get an under-the-cut)⚠️

1. while a leah on the offbeat movie would have been amazing movie sequel (even tho i havent read the book yet, im just here for the wlw content) i am kind of glad we got this instead. mostly because I've seen book series where one movie was good, so they decide to do the rest, turn out bad (hunger games? divergent? percy jackson? the hobbit?) because so much was cut from the book-to-first movie writing, that other scenes wouldn't make sense to future movies if they had those in while cutting others. however, i am sad that i didn't get to make the choice of deciding whether what was cut was wrong etc. about future movies, but i'll take what i can get.

2. LGBTQ+ POC as a lead! that's amazing! as a ace/bi lantina that's close to home (it also is great that victor's from texas and so is ya gorl) and even then it's a mixed latinx family! i think pilar mentioned that at least the grandmother left Colombia and i saw the Puerto Rican flag in victor's room. also the salazar's are definitely from small town texas, even without knowing the name. (church barbeques, the use of the words "such a diverse city" in regards to atlanta)

3. a lack of actual lgbtq+ main storylines (so far) is kind of sad for a show like this. i was getting serious bi/pan vibes (as a lot of other people) from victor from the beginning, and when it was implied that victor was actually gay (while great, not shaming) as it has been brought to my attention, there was a lot of looking at a lot of straight relationship problems (please let us know more about benji)- edit 6/18: upon further consideration, it very much is a show about questioning your sexuality, I'm speaking about the other straight relationship issues, not mia and Victor's, its just the first season.

4. let us talk about cheating for a sec. never okay, in any circumstance. i feel sorry for mia that she saw victor making out with benji and the fact that he was doing any of that in the first place. victor made a choice to lie about the espresso machine and then kissed benji at the hotel and then when benji was fighting with derek, basically confessed his love and mistakes, then proceeded to makeout with benji after he broke up with derek, he built that grave and now he must lie in it. i get having feelings for a guy when you are in a relationship with a girl, and not accepting yourself enough to end that relationship but you really want it to work so you can be "normal". really, he should have told mia after he got back from the trip tho. i get being in highschool and doing stupid stuff and making dumb decisions, but for a show aimed at teens i think we should also remind said teens to make good choices even if we have to lose some realism within the character choices.

4. pilar and her decisions based off her brother pissed me off. because i honestly think that if she'd kept her mouth shut about what she knew or confronted victor about it in the first place we could have avoided a LOT of mess. did she not learn from snooping around her mother's business about her relationships that going behind a person's back doesnt end well? i did, however, like the pilar/felix friendship and was really kind of hoping that they'd get together during their coffee hangout (although now im glad that didn't happen) because they had a deeper understanding of each other. same with wendy/felix, although they do seem to much alike to work out in the long run but i still feel bad for wendy.

5. i don't know how i feel about lake and andrew, as people separate from each other. both seem to be the way they are from their upbringing (not confirmed why andrew is such an ass, but if his comment about his dad is anything to go by i bet it's got something to do with attention) but andrew seems to be less, idk, superficial? like he turned down mia because he didn't want to be a rebound, he didn't out victor, he actually stood up to early teasing the other dudes in the lockerroom were doing at victor (with teasing of his own obviously but that interaction had him on my nice list until much later). lake? lake. i honestly don't have an opinion of her? not really. i mean after hanging out with pilar i was hoping felix wouldn't go back to lake. is her name laken? i feel like her full name is laken. but they also played the "im only like this because my mom is really superficial about stuff and i do like the geeky nice guy but appearances" to "actually screw the norms im gonna makeout with him infront of the whole student body". i honestly thought she was gonna be bi because she kept hitting on mia when she was helping set up for her "date" and "big night" and there was one point where i saw her face fall at something mia said in relation to her and idk i was hoping she'd be bi (i figured early on that victor/mia wasnt gonna work and was like "oh mia/lake would be cute" but now idk.

6. okay on to the "big night", i have one word. NO. i didn't like the peer pressure into having sex. i agreed with felix when he said "your body your choice" but im also disappointed that victor made out with mia and when lake was talking to felix after victor left he didn't try to stand up for victor.

7. on to age gaps because i hadn't really thought of this at first. we'll start with benji/derek: WHAT GRADE IS BENJI?! because that determines my thoughts. if he's a sophomore that meant that he and Derek started dating benji's freshman year and thats eugh, don't do that, don't care if its a gay couple that shouldn't be happening because the maturity of the two characters is DRASTICALLY different (this is also a reason i am not a fan of cmbyn) but that would explain why they were so rocky. hoping the event at the gay bar was open to anyone not just for drinking, but not liking that fact that not one of the adults with victor were like: hey, this is a 16 year old, that's kind of wack when that dude was hitting on victor. that made me question some stuff. although i figure it might be making up for the lack of a gay bar scene in love, simon. but even then, in svthsa it's a restaurant with a bar that some people go to just to drink at, it wasn't just a bar, simon could be there but should NOT have accepted drinks from college kids, not matter how attractive.

8. i loved how bram and simon and their friends helped victor out though. i like how bram was like: hey i know my friends are a lot so here's a gay basketball league becaue there's no one way to be gay. i like how Simon talked about needing help himself just to help victor and how he said his friends were cool with it because it's a community. i like of justin(?) mentioned how being what his parents wanted was putting on a mask and pretending, not him doing drag. my favorite lines from that ep are: "and before you ask my pronouns are they/them/theirs" "'they're all gay? even that guy? he's like [insert really tall number]' 'yeah. you should see him in heels'" "or in simon's case: really unathletic" "and also because bram said that if i wore [the jean jacket] one more time he'd burn it". also katya was there. and the group hug too!

9. the back hand homophobia in relation to family is sad, but realistic and i sincerely hope his parents are kind enough not to be too harsh on victor because of it. anything they say that isn't positive or supportive of victor is bad but i hope they realize that there is more to him than that and that they can come to terms with it because it's not always that hard to be a part of that community and super religious. i am biromantic and catholic. and while there are some things i wont agree on my mom with, i know that it's more of a strike against God for kicking out gay kids from families than it is to be gay, because those parents were given trust by GOD to love those kids no matter what, and be good parents. so in the end, the parents are wrong and harmful and in the case of christians against jesus's teachings to love everyone.

10. this is fan speculation but dont think simon/bram are going through a rough patch? i honestly think it'd be a little cruel to the characters to have on of their actors be producing but then not have that relationship stay. and while it's not set in stone and obviously things happen in the real world, we have no proof script wise about there being a rift. all we have are bad photoshopped ig photos and scenes where two characters are never standing next to each other probably beccaue schedules never link up correctly for minor characters. who knows, maybe nick robinson was filming for a movie where is does have an even more major role than victor's gay guru in a series about victor so his filming time was around that. im gonna keep hope that things are okay.

11. that being said: we need more mainstream wlw content, because someone said it earlier and it really does seem to be catering to straight girls. i'll admit i did freak out when benji played call me maybe which is something i associated with him and victor but then kissed a guy because who wouldn't? we get that serenade and sweetness and then it'a ripped from us. but i did mellow out. if i flipped later it was because victor was making dumb decisions and i had to give myself a moment of compsure before i continued.

in the end, i'd say that there is a lot of growth this series needs to go through, but i also know that some people just aren't going to like it and i get that. but i also know that sometimes the best of stories have rocky starts, nothing is ever perfect from the beginning. and besides, further seasons are on hold until we figure out this covid thing, which means that you bet they're gonna be looking at our feedback. they saw what we thought before, they can do it again

i really did like it but we need more ACTUAL lgbtq+ relationship stuff from this series and better decisions on what we are teaching the younger generations, as well as what we want to focus on and realism within characters. i'm giving it an 8/10, because there is always room for growth and i really hope we get better things out of this than what we have been given in season 2.

edit: someone mentioned it really seeming like it was meant for Disney+ and i felt that. also to anyone who reaches the tags agter reading ALL OF THIS: i am sorry

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imaginedeux · 4 years

Text

Sixth Sense

Run, we need to get a way!

Guys run!

This isnt good, we need to get out of here and now!

LEAVE THEM ALONE!

Exploring places was something you had done since you were young, being the youngest and the only girl in your group of cousins, you wanted to show them you werent scared to explore abandoned places, or even haunted places. Your old home town was founded as an army base during the civil war and saw blood shed for the first give or take 100 years of its existence, which caused the places you and your cousins to explore to be haunted. Fast forward to present day, you no longer live in your hometown, but live in Santa Monica, California with a mundane job to pay for the overly expensive loft you were renting. You also had a small youtube channel, nothing too big, it was more of a way to record your adventures in California and a way for your parents to make sure you were okay. That is until you bumped into a very popular social media duo while they were trying to sneak into a ‘haunted’ location near where you lived. The warning you gave them, followed by a video by the duo a week later, caused them to contact you and to see if you wanted to join them for haunted location.

That was over a year ago, and now you regularly join them and TFIL for ‘haunted’ overnights. A majority of which were legit, you could feel the presence of spirits before you stepped foot on the property, while others were just people being a-holes and scaring you guys off. Thats one of the reasons why you joined the duo and TFIL for those adventures, you were able to sense a spirit near by, and were able to warn them when they went too far. This has been something you’ve been able to do since you were a kid, and wasnt an unfamiliar feeling either. That is, until Colby told you that he and Sam wanted you to join them for a haunted overnight in London, with Cory and Jake in tow as well.

With your luggage in tow and your new passport in hand, you and the guys were off to London for Sam and Colby’s new series. What they didnt tell you was, there were two locations you would be visiting, possible a third, but two for sure. The first location did a number on you and the group, the experts told you the stories associated with the room Sam and Colby and with the floor the five of you were staying on. Everything that went on during the night, and after the group went to their rooms for the night, shook the group, you especially. You weren’t one to have nightmares much less ones you could remember after waking up, but the dream you had stayed with you as you traveled to the second location.

“Hey, you okay (Y/N)? You look like you’ve been in a trance since we left the hotel.” Corey, who was sitting next to you in the backseat asked you as you looked down at your hands.

“Just thinking about what happened last night.” You murmured, your nightmare coming back to mind. “I didn’t want to freak you guys out while we were checking out, but I had a really intense nightmare that included all of us.”

“Nightmare? I thought you said you didnt have them?” Colby asked, looking at you through the rear view mirror, his eyes shifting from you to the road.

“Thats the thing I dont. I havent had one since I was a kid. It was after you came knocking at my door asking if I had called you guys, or even asking if I had left a voice mail. I fell asleep for an hour and I woke up from what felt like a never ending nightmare, I wasnt going to let myself go back to sleep so I sketched out what was happening in my dream. The only thing I could draw was the church, and its surroundings.” You explained grabbing your bag taking out a notebook you carried around with you, flipping it to the page where you drew the church. “The thing that stuck out the most was the graveyard that surrounded it, and the forest.”

~~~

“Hey (Y/N), didnt you say you had a nightmare about a church?” Jake asked from your right, shaking you awake from your short slumber.

“Y-Yeah, what about it?” You yawned, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, looking straight out the windshield. Both Sam and Colby were looking out to the left of the car, their camera recording on the dash straight at you.

“And that the church was surrounded by a graveyard?” Sam said this time, from his seat in the passenger side.

“Yeah, what of...” You started before you looked out the window to your left. “No, there’s no fucking way.”

“(Y/N) did you know what church we were going to today?” Colby asked, turning to look at you face to face. “Because that’s exactly the church you drew.”

“NO! You guys wouldn’t even tell us the name of the church! How was is supposed to know THIS was the church we were going to!?” You questioned the blue eyed brunette in the driver seat.

“I dont like this you guys.” Corey said from your left. “(Y/N) had a nightmare, a NIGHTMARE, about this place. And she apparently doesn’t even have nightmares, and she has one about this place, A PLACE SHE’S NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE!”

“Guys, off camera (Y/N) told us she had a nightmare, note she hasn’t had a nightmare since she was a kid, about us at a church surrounded by a graveyard last night after the phone call. She also said she drew out the church, a way to keep her awake until we had to check out this morning.” Sam explained to the viewers what was going on. “And this is what she drew, without knowing what church we were going to.” Sam grabbed the notebook from you and showed it to the camera.

“Which is the exact church we’re staying in tonight.”

~~~

“Okay, this is getting freaky. (Y/N), has called everything thats happened so far, from the crows, to the teeth on the graves. I dont think staying here is a good idea guys.” Jake said as the sun started to set over the woods at the back end of the church, giving the group less light to see over the graveyard. “She even called the fucking tombs in the church!”

“Come on Jake, shes also said by this time in her dream shit hit the fan, and we’re okay, we already have our blankets for the night, the camera is ready to record us for the rest of the night to make sure we capture everything we can. We’ll be okay.” Colby said trying to calm down the other skeptic in the group. You said nothing as Jake argued with Sam and Colby, all you wanted to do was get out of the place as fast as you could, and the only way to do that is go to sleep. Being unconscious was better than feeling on edge the entire time.

“What else did you dream (Y/N), was this in the dream too?” Corey asked taking a seat next to you, your back to the three other guys as you faced the front of the church.

“No, thats why I want to leave. With the dream I was able to pin point what not to do but now that its nothing like it, i’m scared that something might happen.” You confessed, still looking towards the front of the church, the tombs covered by darkness. “I’m not able to stop something bad from happening if something does go wrong.”

“I understand the feeling. Especially after what my little brother texted me yesterday, I feel like I cant help him if I dont know what im going up against. And its scary.” Corey whispered as the yelling behind the two of you started to quiet down.

“We’ve both had things happen since our childhood. You’ve been seeing things since your family used the Ouija board, and I’ve had the feelings since before I could remember. Believe it or not my mom once told me she could feel spirits when she was my age, and so did my grandma. They’ve both told me that they were able to feel spirits most of their lives, but they cant anymore.”

“What stopped them? Maybe you can do that and you wont be able to feel the spirits anymore!”

“I dont think it’s that simple.” You laughed. The dry laugh caught the attention of the three other guys in the church as well. “They stopped being able to feel spirits the day I was born.”

“Hey guys, I think this is a good time to head to bed.” Sam said this time, the harsh LED light illuminating dark half of the church. “The faster we get to sleep, the faster we’ll be out of here.”

~~~

Sam! Colby! Guys! Get back to the Church now! Jake, Corey, i’m going to go and get them, stay here.

You’re too late

No! No i’m not! Sam! Colby!

You cant protect them

I WILL!

The air was finally able to reach your lungs as you shot up from your make shift bunk. The cold air surrounding you caused steam to radiate of your person, and your deep exhales to create puffs of smoke in front of you. You looked around to see if your sudden movements woke anyone else up, thats when your heart dropped. Before you went to bed, Sam took the bunk closest to the door and Colby took the one to your left while Corey and Jake took the ones to your right. Both Sam and Colby’s bunks were empty.

“No, no, no, no!” You mentally yelled pulling on your shoes as fast and as quietly as you could, not wanting to wake the two other boys. As you got up, you heard one of the bunks shift and a loud gasp come from behind you.

“Did, did you shake me awake!?” Jake asked, his eyes wide. “(Y/N), did you shake me awake?!”

“No. Now quiet down.” You tried shooshing Jake. “You’ll wake Corey if you’re too loud.”

“Too late for that, what’s going on? Where’s Sam and Colby?” Corey asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Jake are you okay man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“I woke up because it felt someone was shaking me awake! Then when I got up (Y/N) was getting up from her bunk.” Jake explained getting up from his bunk and flipping it over. “Where are Sam and Colby? Did they do this?”

“I dont know! When I woke up they were gone, thats when I got up and you woke up. Stay here, I’m going to look for them.” You said grabbing one of the extra flashlights.

“No! We’re not going to let you go out there on your own.” Corey said slipping on his shoes. “Whoa, wait what happened to you? You’ve soaked through your shirt.” Thats when you realized your sweater was completely soaked with sweat from the nightmare you were having before you woke up.

“My nightmare. No.” You whispered before you bolted towards the door of the church. “You guys stay here, I think somethings gonna happen, something bad. I have a big bag of salt in my backpack, use it to make a circle around the bunk area, and DONT leave it. Not for me, not for anyone okay? Unless you see us in person, dont believe your ears, okay?”

You stood at the door, the gates open behind you, leading out into the grave yard, Corey and Jake confused. “Things are going to get bad.”

“Bad? What do you mean bad? (Y/N), you can’t leave us in the dark, especially after everything thats been happening!” Jake yelled walking towards you.

“FINE!” You screamed back. This was probably the first time they heard you raise your voice in anger. “Fine! When I was younger, right when I was realizing that could feel spirits, a demon attacked one of my cousins while we were exploring one of the old hospitals in the area. My other cousins all ran away, too scared to think of a way to get the demon away from them. I stepped in and the next thing I knew it was three weeks later and I was in the hospital. I was in a coma after detaching the demon from my cousin who was in a coma as well. The thing is while I was in the coma I had a never ending nightmare.”

“What does that have to do with us!?”

“Because! I was having nightmares of this place! Thats why when I woke up today I was repeating the nightmare from all those years ago! Before tonight I had no recollection of what happened to me and my cousin, its almost as if it never happened. And because of the nightmare from yesterday and the eerie feeling from today, I was able to remember it. I texted one of my older cousins while we were out buying blankets and they said that it was true, but that the family promised not to bring it up to either of us. In my nightmare, from YEARS before I moved out to California, I had a nightmare of you four. I was trying to protect you guys, Sam and Colby. Now it’s actually happening, so I have to go and protect Sam and Colby.”

“Wait! Why do we have to stay here? If we go and look for them all together we might be able to find them faster!” Corey said this time, grabbing the camera from where Colby left it to record you all through the night.

“Because the safest place you can be is in this church. The salt circle will keep you extra protected, you coming with me will just put you in danger. Please, stay here. There’s still a couple of hours until sunrise, if we’re not back by then call the police.”

~~~

“SAM! What the hell are you doing man!” Colby yelled, finally catching up with his blonde best friend. “You cant just get up and walk out of the church and into the creepy ass woods by yourself.”

“Sorry, I have the camera as a light so its not that bad, but I kept hearing things. I wasnt sure if it was from inside the church at first, then I heard it outside.”

“What were you hearing? You could have woken one of us up. You cant be going out here by yourself.”

“SAM! COLBY!”

“Is that (Y/N)? What’s she doing up?” Colby thought pointing the flashlight he had towards the direction of your voice. As Colby was about to call out to you, the atmosphere around them grew heavy. “Whoa, did you feel that Sam?”

“Yeah-yeah, it felt like the air got heavy. I think its time for us to get back to the church Colby.” Sam said this time, the camera facing Colby, the look of fear obvious on their faces. “Wait, where’s (Y/N)? I swore I heard her voice!”

“SAM! COLBY! Jesus, there you guys are!” You yelled, running up to them from the woodwork. “We need to get back to the church now!”

“We were about to head back, but why are you soaked? What happened?” Before you could respond to Colby’s frantic questions, an unearthly screech cut you off. The three of you fell to the ground, hands covering your ears, the camera in Sam’s hand fell, the light on it flickering from the fall. “What the hell was that?!”

“We need to get back to the church now!” The crack in your voice scared the duo. For as long as they’ve known you, you’ve never been one to be scared by the spirits, but this was a different story. “Please, we need to get back to the church!”

Grabbing the camera, you pointed it at the duo in front of you, the light still flickering, but it was the only way to keep you in your line of sight. “I can’t lose sight of you guys, so please lets get back to Corey and Jake.”

“What’s going on (Y/N)? Why didnt you bring Corey and Jake with you?” Sam asked coming to a stop near the edge of the woods.

“Yeah, and did you feel that shift earlier? What was that?” Colby asking this time.

“There’s no time for questions, we need to get to safety, please!” You were pleading with them at this point. The sinking feeling in your stomach was getting worse. “Please we need to leave!”

“No! Not until you tell us whats going on!” Colby yelled at you. It didn’t phase you, it was a high stress situation and yelling in normal. Taking in a deep breath you told the duo what you told Jake and Corey back at the church. You could tell as you were reciting the story that they knew this was serious.

“So, we need to get the hell out of here and back to the church where its sa-” You started before the light on the camera Sam still had in his hand, went out.

There’s no place to run, you were smart to leave the other two in the church, but these two are mine.

“Don’t you dare get near them! I’m the one you want! I’ve beat you once before, I can beat you again!” You yelled at nothing. “Whatever you guys do, do not talk to him. You guys acknowledging him will only make it worse.”

“Right.” The pair whispered. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you grabbed onto Sam and Colby, “We need to get back to the church, follow me.”

Not so fast (Y/N), you dont think it’ll be that easy?

“Sam!” A familiar voice yelled from the darkness. “Sam please help me I’m hurt!”

“Ka-” Sam started before you let go of Colby to slam your hand on Sam’s mouth.

“It’s a trick! Don’t trust your ears, they’ll trick you.” You explained. “Same goes for you Colby, no matter who you hear, it doesn’t matter who, if you cant see them, do not trust the voices you hear.” You grabbed Colby’s jacket, pulling him and Sam back towards the church. “I’m sorry you guys.”

“Why are you apologizing? It’s not your fault this is happening, you didn’t know that this thing was going to come back.”

“Yeah, if anything its our fault that we didnt listen to you, after you were predicting everything that happened.”

They’re right, they should have listened to you, just like your cousins should have listened to you when this happened all those years ago.

“We were children! You had the balls to attack children! That just shows you how weak of a demon you are! It makes you even weaker when a child was able to exercise you from a the body of another child!” You yelled into the darkness. “You thought you were powerful because of the place we were in! Your worshipers used the hospital as your portal! You were using my cousin as a scapegoat!”

You werent strong enough to get rid of me the first time. What makes you think you’ll be strong enough now?

As the demon started to laugh, the ground shaking with every cackle, the moon showed itself from behind the clouds, the graveyard lit up with the light. In the middle of all the graves was a massive being, a mix of human and a crow.

“You were always here weren’t you? You were hiding among the crows.” You said letting go of the duo. You faced this demon once before and lived, you can face him again.

“(Y/N)! Don’t!” Colby whispered as you walked towards the demon. “We need to get to the church!”

“Come on, (Y/N)!”

“No. Not anymore, if I dont get rid of him now, I’ll have to live with this asshole following me!”

Oh, I’m not planning on letting you live, (Y/N). You arent going to live to see tomorrow.

“And im not letting you go, Raum.” With that the creature, screeched at you, stepping back away from you. “I’m no priest, or exorcist but I’ve researched how to get rid of demons!”

“(Y/N) what are you doing!?” Colby ran up to you, blocking your path to the demon. “We need to get back to the church! We’ll be safe their.”

“Sam, grab Colby and haul ass towards the Church, Jake and Corey will be waiting where the bunks are in a circle of salt, that’s where you’ll be the safest. If I don’t make it back by sunrise, I’ve already told Corey and Jake to call the police. Hell maybe call a priest too.” You explained looking between the two again. “Please, im begging you.”

“Come on Colby.” Sam whispered, grabbing onto Colby’s arm pulling him towards the church. “(Y/N) can do this, we’ll only hold her back if we’re here.”

~~~

“Jake it’s been hours and they still aren’t back, and what the hell was that sound!?” Corey asked the only other person in the circle. The yelling and screeching that came from outside the church were something out of a horror movie, it didnt seem real.

“I dont know, and all the cameras cut out when the first screech happened and they havent been able to record since then. Even the cell service has been shit.” Jake groaned sitting on one of the bunks in the middle of the salt circle they drew after (Y/N) ran out the church.

“What if it doesnt come back by sun up? How are we going to get help?”

“We’ll just go to someone’s ho-” Jake started before the doors to church doors slammed open. “Sam? Colby? Is that really you?” Before they could answer Jake grabbed the nearest bottle of holy water and sprayed the duo as they walked towards the bunks.

“Really Jake? Was that necessary?” Colby asked shaking off the cold holy water.

“Sorry, had to make sure. Hey, where’s (Y/N)? And what was that sound from earlier?” Jake asked realizing the person who forced them to stay in the church wasn’t with the duo.

“(Y/N) stayed outside. Remember when she told us when she was younger how her cousin was attacked by a demon back in her hometown?” Colby asked looking between Corey and Jake as the screeching continued in the graveyard, scaring the group.

“Well apparently the thing out there is the same one from her childhood. She told us to come to the church and wait for either her or for the sun to come up. And for us not to trust our ears, that the thing out there might try to get us outside, he almost got me by sounding like Kat.” Sam explained as more screeching and roars sounded from the darkness outside. “And to add salt to the wound, I dropped the camera when the first roar happened so I wasn’t able to get any footage of the demon outside.”

“Right when the first roar happened all the cameras in here went out too. There’s still battery in all of them but they wont record. And, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU LEFT HER OUT THERE?” Corey yelled at the best friends. “You’re letting her go against that thing ALONE!?”

“We had to! If we stayed there the demon would have used us against (Y/N), and she’s gone against it before and lived, shes got this in the ba-” Sam started before another roar cut him off, the lights in the church flickering as a scream joined the roar.

“COLBY, I CAN’T DO THIS ALONE!”

“Its not (Y/N)! Dont listen to it!” Sam grabbed Colby before he sprinted out the door. “You know for a fact she wouldn’t call out for us! In any of our investigations, has she ever called for us? No. Don’t listen to him!”

“COLBY HELP! PLEASE I CANT BEAT HIM!”

“COLBY YOU BETTER NOT! DONT YOU DARE LISTEN TO HIM!”

“See that’s (Y/N)!” Sam said tugging Colby back into the salt circle, “We have to trust in her.”

~~~

“It’s been two weeks since the church and we haven’t told the fans what happened, what are we going to do?” Sam asked looking up at Colby, from his seat next to (Y/N). It had been two weeks since the church incident, and they were still in the UK. The night took a turn for the worst when the sun had finally come up and (Y/N) hadn’t made it back to the church. It took almost two days to find her somewhere in the middle of the wood miles away from the church the group stayed at.

“I know they deserve answers, but our main concern is to make sure (Y/N) is alright. We already contacted her family and they’re aware, which is the most important part. Maybe us staying and Corey and Jake leaving was a bad idea.” Colby muttered, pacing around the hospital room. (Y/N) hadn’t woken up from the coma she was found in almost two weeks prior, and it was concerning the boys. (Y/N)’s parents told the boys that the last time she was in a coma like this it lasted almost a month, and that the boys shouldn’t worry about (Y/N), shes stronger than she seems. “I wish (Y/N) would give us some sort of sign that shes okay.”

“Why does it feel like its out fault? Like if we hadn’t come to London none of this would have happened? Or what if we had stayed in the church? Maybe then we would have been back in LA planning our next adventure.” Sam whispered, rubbing his face with his palms.

“Damn it!” Colby finally yelled after a few minutes of silence. “Why the fuck did this happen to (Y/N)? What if we had stayed there? Maybe it would have been one of us instead of her! Fuck!”

“Quiet down please. We’re in a hospital for fuck sake.” The whisper caught the duo off guard. It was the small smile on the patience’s face that brought them to tears as they hugged the person on the hospital bed. “Okay, I can’t breath guys.”

“Wh-what? When did you wake up? How are you feeling? Do-do you need anything?” Colby asked as Sam ran out the room going to find a doctor or nurse.

“When you guys started to blame yourselves for what happened. Raum was going to come after me one day, it just chose the church because of all the spiritual energy that we were carrying from the hotel the night before.” You, explained before a doctor, nurse, and Sam ran into the room. It was a week later that the trio was on their way back to the States, when you noticed something.

“Hey Sam, Colby.” You started as you made your way across the London airport to your gate. You stopped and looked around, something was different.

“What’s up (Y/N)? Do you feel something?” Colby asked coming up to (Y/N)

“That’s the thing, I dont feel anything.” You said looking around the airport, every place you’ve ever visited had some sort of spirit lingering around. Good or evil you were able to feel them almost 80% of the time.

“What do you mean you don’t feel anything?” Sam asked the camera in his hand pointing at you and Colby. The three of you had agreed to release what footage you had onto their Youtube channel since you felt like their fans needed some sort of explanation. They just needed to film the last bits of them leaving London before they would do a sit down segment back in LA explaining what had happened at the church.

“I dont feel any spiritual presence, like any. It wouldn’t have bothered me but I had felt a presence when we first landed here. Now there’s nothing.” You said looking back at Sam and Colby. “Maybe me winning cost me my ability to feel spirits.” That statement became even more true when you landed back in LA and did a quick visit to places you knew were haunted, you couldn’t feel anything in any of the locations.

“Hey, maybe its a good thing? I mean people who have some sort of power are usually targeted by demons or evil spirits.” Sam said as the three of you walked up to the first place the three of you met.

“If it keeps you safe, maybe its a good thing that you lost your ability.” Colby said this time.

“But now I feel like I wont be able to protect you guys.” You said looking back at the best friends, tears welling up in her eyes.

“But, we’ll be able to protect you. When you would tell us to back off during an overnight we started to notice how certain things would happen around the time you would speak up. We’re able to tell if somethings going to happen because of all the times you brought it to our attention that something was wrong.” Colby said walking up to you, giving you a small smile. “Anything to protect you even if you dont have your sixth sense.”

#sam and colby fanfic #sam golbach #colby brock #sam golbach fanfic #colby brock fanfic #sam and colby AU #sam golbach AU #colby brock AU

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jjuuppiter · 3 years

Text

life updates, a story about anxiety attacks, cat tower, sketches

since this tumblr is also my blog i will actually write about my life for once. my gemini needs to overshare is tingling right now hahaha but i can see myself the next morning being too afraid to open tumblr because i said some dumb stuffs that will embarrass me.

anyway it’s kinda long so i’ll put a keep reading here so you dont need to see my long ranting about my life in your timeline haha

oh someone edited the parody i made! that’s something new. no one ever reposted or edited my stuff before so i never thought my stuff are worth reposted/edited. it irked me that they put watermark on the video with my parody on it (can’t they like put my name too on the watermark? hahaha) but dealing with it and starting a commotion asking to be credited on the video too is such a work T_T they did put my twitter handle name on the post description tho so... i’ll let it slide i guess. tbh im okay if you wanted to edit/repost/use my work but please let me know haha (also huge thanks to anon and two other people on twitter for letting me know)

okay back to personal life report... covid is still happening (and worsening) here, im still working from home, havent been outside since march, okay well i did go out but the amount can be count with one hand. since wfh ive been healthier, commuting to work everyday (it took 1,5-2hours), work related problems, personal life problems really stressed me out before and i guess little by little it fucked up my body. i remember for the first time in my life getting an anxiety attack while waiting in line for the bus home, okay i dont know for sure it's an anxiety attack but i was spinning, out of breath, feeling like i was going to faint. so i decided to order a taxi bike (it's faster!) and on the ride i kept holding on the helmet so it didnt fully cover my neck cos the feel of the helmet squeezing my head made me feel like im gonna faint, thankfully arrived safely at home and literally flopped down on the floor after my mom opened the door. it was so weird. the next day i told my coworker and they told me it was an anxiety attack and told me to try hypnotherapy? so i guess it really is a mental thing? but never thought it can affect my body like that... im good now since being at home means i can manage my stress better

and after 6 months of wfh i finally bought some expensive stuffs to help me work like a monitor (it can be rotated 180 deg! i really wanted this kind of monitor the first time i saw it at the office!) and a chair massager. i dont really like spending my money honestly so it was an achievement to buy these stuffs. in college i was really into the minimalist lifestyle and learned that if you wanna buy something, delay it for 2 weeks and if you still want to buy it after that you can buy it but if you forget about it then you dont need to buy it. i guess that trick sticks with me even after my minimalist phase had pass. i also bought a cat tower for my cat!! she was super afraid of it the first time (weird), but i forced her to sit on top of it and brushed her so she will get use to it faster, and now every time i come into her room (yes she has her own room cos my mom is kinda a clean freak) she'll jump on the tower, it's really cute ❤️

my real life work is kinda monotonous but falling in love for the second time with miraculous ladybug is such a gift (for my right brain and my mental health). it got me back into drawing streak! before this i didnt even know that ml have terms like lovesquare, marichat, adrienette, ladrien, ladynoir. i only know adrien x marinette🙈 i love ladybug and chat too but i want them to end up together as adrien and marinette. but knowing there’s marichat trope changed my life and how i viewed these two. also all of the wonderful fanfics! every one say thank you fanfic authors!

anyway some of my real life friend asked me about what i did at home, i told them i usually draw and they asked me what kind of stuff that i draw and if they can see them. lol im sorry friends you cant, im not going to out myself as a sappy hopeless romantic okay. if you knew me in real life, i was that type of person who "what the fuck is this. really in front of my face? *pukes*" when i see real life pda. so im worried that if they see im this sappy they might think i wanna be in relationship or something. some of my real life friends dont understand shipping or fandom so they might not understand that everything that i draw does not describe what i want for myself. i told them to find my art account themselves and gave them a hint that my acc name is one of the planets (but they never guess jupiter lol it’s the biggest planet cmon, okay but that’s not why i picked jupiter as my online nickname)

these past week ive been slowly reading this fanfic called the rejects club by Mikauzoran and it's so so so gooodddd and i dont want it to end so i read them super sloooowww. i love reading the author's note about their life too haha. anyway this is one of the bazillion part that i like from the fic

“So, you’re saying that I only get a hug if I almost die?” Chat hums sadly, laying it on a little thick. “You’re going to make me do desperate things, Princess.”

it's marichat adrienette centric and mari has this rivalvy feeling with her alter ego (which is something ive been wantingggggg to read and explore, mari being eclipsed by ladybug even tho it's also her) so because of it i keep sketching marichats lately haha (+ old adrientte sketch that i post on twitter). these are the cleanest sketches i have and they still look super messy haha

this was a post about my life but as usual i cant not sprinkle some mlb stuff hahaha. anyway im trying to avoid any mlb salt because it affects the way i enjoy the show. it happened to me before for another shipping fandom, i was exposed to too much salt and ended up falling out of love. i still like the ship but i just cant enjoy them as intensely as before since it tires me out and im really afraid it'll happen again 😖

im off to bed~ im living in the UTC+07:00 zone so bonne nuit everyone~

#jupiter-rants #fanfic recommendation #personal life #sketch

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katslitg · 4 years

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how the open heart lis would react to you being pregnant. (obvs jackie’s pregnant in her scenario.)

Jackie Varma:

god she’d be pissed!!!!!!

“what do you mean positive??? check the other ten tests!!!!”

“jack, all of them say posi-“ “shut up!!!”

she’d be mad, mostly at herself for not being careful enough

pregnancy on top of money problems is rough

good thing you two already live together

wouldnt acknowledge it until she started showing

“dr varma, ure pregnant???” “yeah, just ignore it.”

shed ignore you at the beginning, not knowing what to do

“jackie, c’mon, you cant keep ignoring me! it takes to two to tango!” “i can and i will,”

when you finally force her to come shopping for baby clothes, supplies, furniture etc, she loves it

“omg look how adorable! can you believe our baby’s feet are this small!”

she’d become insecure further into the pregnancy

“what if im not going to be a good mom, hm?”

“don’t say that, jack, you’ll be a great mom,”

you two would move into the your room, since it had a better view and change her room into a nursery

the boys would help you put everything together.

“bryce, that’s not where its supposed to be- ykw forget it.”

“jesus, dr ramsey do you even know how to-“ bryce would shut up just seeing ethan give him a glare

“see i knew raf would come around to save the day” she’d flirt with him, making him blush

cutest mood swings ever!!!

“all im saying is he’s a fucking jerk and i- ohhh sienna are those donuts?”

jackie would get stressed at the weirdest moments, and you kiss her and cuddle with her to calm her down

“mc, you know i hate kids, why did this have to happen to us!!!!”

she’d slowly come to terms with the fact that she was going to become a parent

god giving birth would scare this woman, and trust me not a lot of things scare her

“mc, what if-“ “jack, breath, everything will be fine!”

when you two found out you’d have a daughter she smiled

“at least i wont have to deal with a little mc” she’d joke

when she got in labour she’d curse at everyone!!!

“AND YOU! YOU MC ARE THE WORST ONE HERE! GETTING ME PREGNANT AND THAN MAKING ME DO THE HARD PART I FUCKING HATE YOU!!!”

“uhhh....”

after a couple of years, the three of you would move into a bigger apartment, still close to the hospital

god, your daughter absolutely lovessssssssss aunt sienna and uncle elijah!!!! these two dorks would hang around with her all the time

“dad, can i stay at aunt sienna’s after school?”

“she’s working today sweetheart but mommy will be there to pick you up”

you two would have some sweet, annoying nicknames for her

love, sweetheart, sugar, honey etc

Bryce Lahela:

he’d be excited and scared

he would freeze when he found the positive pregnancy test in his trashcan

“i wanted to tell you but seems like you already found out,”

he’d shut you out and be less loud at work

“bryce, please talk to me” “uhh, cant have a long shift today”

but one day you’d show up to his apartment, keiki opened the door

“oh hey keiki, is bryce home?” “yeah come in”

youd try to get him to talk but man he was not feeling it

“i just need some space mc,”

wouldnt even take a week for him to come over and apologize to you

“im just not sure if i’d make a good dad, i mean i had two bad examples growing up, what if i-“

youd cut him off with a kiss

“no need to stress, bryce, im certain you will make a great dad!”

you two would have to look for a bigger place, and also someone to fill your spot at the apartment

sienna, elijah and jackie would help you decorate the nursery

“jackie those colours do not match with the blankets i bought” sienna would say while jackie just rolled her eyes

“well maybe you shouldn’ve bought so! many! blankets!” jackie said while holding up multiple blankets

“guys please its mc and bryce’s child we can’t fight over this” elijah was the only one who would think rationally

when you found out you were having a son bryce almost jumped into the air

“a little bryce,,,,” he’d say with heart eyes, making you roll your eyes

when you went into labour, he’d be the one freaking out

“can’t believe im saying this when im the one in labour, but good god bryce calm down!”

uncle raf!!!!! aunt kyra!!!!!

rafael and kyra would absolutely adore your son!!!! theyd fight over whose turn it was to babysit

“kyra, you had him last weekend!” “but mc said he always talks about how fun aunt kyra is!”

“why dont you two take him to the park together? he loves both aunt kyra and uncle rafael equally” bryce would say, making the two adults reluctantly agree

“finally a moment alone with the woman of my dreams” he said the second they left, making you chuckle

keiki would hang out with your son. occasionally.

“aunt keiki can you read me a bedtime story?” “right. im aunt keiki.”

she’d love it secretly

Rafael Averio: (pretending sora doesnt exist here lol)

this man would beam with joy!!!

he had always dreamt of having a big family of his own

“youre pregnant?” “yeah.... i-“ he’d kiss you before you could even say anything else

would brag to everyone about it

“do you guys know im goin-“ “going to be a dad? yes raf you told us like a million times” his paramedic friends would say

it was even funnier when you saw how some people avoided him because of it

would not leave ur side

“jesus ever heard of personal space?” “oops sorry”

he’d be at ur apartment all the time

“raf, not that we don’t enjoy you being here but don’t you idk have other friends?” jackie would try to get him out of the house

sienna’d be fine with it since he would help her cook n bake stuff

“i didnt know you cooked!” “not really just some stuff i picked up from my grandma”

he’d sleep over at your apartment

when you got insecure he’d talk to you and make u forgot about it in a certain way ;)

“what if im not a good mom? or what if your fanily doesn’t approve of me?? oh good god this is not going how i imagined-“ “relax, you know my family loves you, now get over here”

you’d move in with him, and get someone to fill ur spot in the apartment

the two of you going to the senior center together!!!

“now edith you better not get to comfortable” you’d joke, earning a laugh from rafael

kyra and bryce would come over and help with the nursery, of course it was after the boys’ gym day so bryce dragged ethan with them

“hey gu- oh hey dr ramsey!” you’d say with a bright smile when you opened the front door.

“kyra not that i dont love you but what even is this?” “yeah i tried to make a blanket but as you can see it backfired”

“uhm ethan you sure that this is the color we picked out?” bryce would panic, knowing damn well they didnt do the one you asked them to do right

“well good thing aunt kyra did got the good color” she’d go get it from the car while the two men started at her in confussion

when you found out you were having a girl he got super excited

“a little mc running around the house” he’d say, already coming up with names

when you’d go into labour he’d put up a calm gentle persona while in reality he wanted to screammmmm

uncle bryce n aunt jackie!!!

u cant tell me bryce n raf havent become close friends

“hey dad can uncle bryce and aunt jackie stay for dinner?” “sweetie youre ignoring the rest of our guests”

even tho they would admit it bryce and jackie loved babysitting her

“do you want to come with uncle bryce?” “bryce thats enough its MY day!”

his family would come around often, bringing gifts every single time

his grandma would try to get him to propose, earning glares from him

when your daughter heard juliana say something along the lines of “when is the wedding” she’d get super excited!!!

“are you two really getting married??!!”

Ethan Ramsey:

you two would already be in an awkward position bc of the gwyneth thing

what was worse was that he admitted to not wanting to get married and have children

god, that little fight on the way to leland and at house took a toll on you, so when june came to check on you back in the hospital you told her

“so, youre pregnant?” “yeah” you’d sob

she wouldnt force you to tell her who the dad is, but it was obvious

before the fight you’d always come to the diagnostics team’s meetings with a smile on your face but now it was a neutral face or sometimes even a frown

soooo ethan found out. not directly from you, but from june, resulting in another fight

“you told june but not me?” “you dont even want kids i cant just casually bring it up!”

the awkwardness would be there for a while, im talking 2-3 months

“enough already! you two talk this out! not only is this bad enough for the two of you but also for me and baz! think about us! and our patients!” june’d snap one day

you’d talk it out, still awkward around each other

“jesus, ethan we can’t keep doing this, i have an appointment to check on the little one, you want to join?” you would try to keep the awkwardness at a certain level, he’d nod with a smile on his face

so when he found out he was having a son, he’d be happy, still very scared but very happy

“im sorry, mc. i acted as a jerk and didnt listen to your needs. i want to be in your and our baby’s lives.”

he’d ask you to move in with him, which you reluctantly agreed to, i mean there wasnt even enough space for a nursery in your apartment

sienna would invite herself and elijah over to help you with the nursery , since they knew about you two since that time after the hearing

“thank you, trinh,” ethan would say as he accepted the cookies she had baked

“i helped too. just so you know” elijah chimed in, earning a chuckle from you

god labour was the worst, you had to do an emergency c section since it was a bit too early for the baby to be born

so when they send your son off to the nicu, ethan would be there the whole time, very worried

“dr ramsey, you should go we’ll take care of him” the nurses would try to get him out of there with no luck, “no its fine i just want to stay here”

when you two could finally go home he would make sure to never youre side

“mc do you need anything? want me to bring you something to drink? maybe an extra blanke-“ “ethan shut uppppppppppppppppp its 3 am”

of course your friends would come over but not as often since they had to take care of their interns and stuff

uncle baz and aunt june!!!!!

“AUNT JUNE!!!!” he’d yell when you, june and baz picked him up from the daycare at the hospital

“wow so youre just ignoring uncle baz?” baz would act hurt, making the boy laugh

#hope this is sorta ok lmfao #open heart #jackie varma #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #ethan ramsey #jackie x mc #bryce x mc #rafael x mc #ethan x mc #open heart hc #headcanon

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kendrixtermina · 4 years

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Now here's an all new theory for where the procrastination comes from

Like the uni councilors thought of like generic selfhate insecurity or like spineless ppl pleasing (nope an anime cured me of that when I was 13 - thst sounded more like what that ladys own problems might be), fear or failure & wanting to spite my father, eveb that getting ahead through "talent" was an unfair advantage bad tainted and evil, or that "talent" meant being beholden and controlled by others (definitely somewhat right - we worked on that, it helped, the second guy was defs much much more helpful & compatible cause he focussed a lot more on strategies than wannabe-maternal pep talks) but there was always something else there that wasnt getting touched

In tje end I dont think I have talent and in any case what really matters is attitude toward "living the examined life" for example whst you do. What you notice.

Now I did notice that things get harder to do precisely because I actually want them(whereas a lot of ppl get distracted from stuff because they dont really want it) - at the same time I can totally function or pick up new habits in day to day life its not like I have some "hardware problem" like, say, ADHD or the like.

Like of course its some emotional knot it couldnt be anything else but I feel they didnt identify what kind of knot? Certainly not that first lady. If im trying to get clarity and you give me reassuring pep talks you just freak me out more for the love of god tell me whats happening. Nothing worse when a Doctor says "it will be over soon" rather than explain the procedure

Fear of/ distraction from wanting itself never really occured to me thats not a common stereotypical fear that ppl talk about.

Let me get this straight I never thought I was better than anyone I knew very well that I'm not. I thought of both those things as ways not to get bullied, maybe get somewhere where I feel that im in the right place.

If I look back at really breaking experiences it was times I really really wanted something and then I couldnt do it or some outside party stepped on my fingers. That Tori Amos Music Video where she escapes from a psycho killer's trunk and then the passerby's dont help her? That was my most favorite music video in the world for years maybe still is.

Like I was told I could maybe skip third grade and I poured all my energy and passion and strenght into that everything I had to do well, make friends with the new class i was so highly motivated I aced all the exams I felt so happy & fulfilled just being in thst flow state all the time... i wanted this more than anything. Maybe it was the first time I really wanted something beyond vague dreams or base desires. But the homeroom teacher hated my guts and put the kibosh on that; Probably because I was unwittingly repeating some of the artogant classist shit my father spouts without realizing how hurtful it is. my parents thought it wasnt worth going to the higher ups for that but having to essentially redo 4th grade in a crap school in the different town we moved to was one of the worst times of my life. Also I didnt find out that the teacher had hated me/acted in a petty way until years after I thought I just failed. That there was a possible place I could have belonged but turns out I really belong nowhere after all.

All my effort was for nothing. It was such a joy - i mean these days even getting code to work or solving math problems has that same joy - but all that effort and joy and wanting did was that... im tearing up and searching for the words to even process this tbh. I think I denied that joy, told myself that I was just a stupud kid thinking I was a special snowflake. It didnt even matter.

Rather than insist on staying up late to make sure my homework was done I just stopped caring and hardly did another piece of homework in my life just faking it on the spot or coasting through. It could have gone another way maybe if it werent for the bullies and my father the chief bully or if only I was more determined but it was like "okay I dont care anymore I just dont care" and I think thats stayed my default response to dissapointment to this day.

This TV show didnt turn out like I wanted? I dont care its just a tv show.

My father treated be with hatred all my life? Its okay I dont care about him and I dont want his love anyway.

Like there were other times when I thought I could be happy.

Like I really wanted to go to this boarding school for gifted kids. Again I thought maybe incorrectly that this would be a place where I can belong and not be bullied it was never about being better than anyone.

Again I wanted it I clamored and cried and made noise nonstop. Maybe I still hadnt wholly lost contact with willpower back then. I still thought of myself as strong willed.

And my father made me regret it. It was around the same time that mom briefly considered divorce maybe I was just the stress valve. Or he took it personally as wanting to get away from him. Duh he abused me of course I wanted away from him. He was such a suffocating control freak! Mom said yes first then he spoke to her and suddenly she followed everything he said. Thats when I really realized how emotionally manipulative was how abusive... i mean one of my first conscious memories of him is thinking "oh crap I will be just like cinderella" but he really laid it on so thick so transparently even a 10 year old could tell its manipulation. If you do this you dont love your mom. If you do this you dont love your siblings. If you dont obey me your mom will kill herself. No she wont you jerk even my 2 year old self could tell youre abusive.

The most cruel thing he did was briefly say yes. Again I got so happy. So invested. Just bending all I was towards that even though he bombarded me with abuse and mental torture.

And then on the day we were supposed to leave he said no youre not going.

Maybe I actually did say I didnt want to go because of one time he was doing this constant scientology type torture on me

That same reaction: "I dont want it I dont want anything so please please let me be"

Ppl think of bad childhoods as a game that you win if yoz turn 18 -or 28 maybe - without killing yourself. But its not. Every year you live it can take away from your potential. Every day less than you have to live it

He sure didnt let me have sucess with his overcontrol and abuse. Anything I was proud of he rules. When I graduated from school with a fairly good but not perfevt final score he humiliated me. When I turned 18 he humiliated me. Everything I did was a burden even just feeding and washing me. Hed give me unwanted white elephant gifts then bitch about how giving them to me ruined his life cause he had to work so muxh "Ingrate Ingrate Ingrate" Butch I never asked for anything I want nothing!

But as I had to eat I did in fact have to ask things of him and I hated it so much.

No wonder that I turned out afraid of wanting things eh?

Hed seen some poster when we went to see tje school I wanted to go to - not by the school by an individual student - about the history of abortion portrayed in a positive way or at least that was his official reason why I couldnt go. Again I had wanted something badly with all my being and again all my being availed nothing. Irrelevant like I didnt exist. All my screaming gone unheard.

And this is so silly cause im not a child anymore I have control and if I were to stop procrastinating I could have money and gave even more control.

I havent even spoken to him in years now hes no longer relevant. Its not about him its about thus bad pattern I picked up.

I like how this books handles it with the idea that certain experiences dont create the type but that it nakes you uniquely suceotible to certain kinds of hurt or certain misunderstandings.

Because with all this discourse about bad message free media ive really come to think that while it can and should be minimized its not possible to eradicate cause human mibds are so quicl so fallible to extract overgeneralizations and make it mean something abput themselves

Like an immature statistical learning model easily overtrained by noisy data.

Another time I was nearly happy was when I started looking for work, doing my thesis...

Same pattern I was engaged, happy to be engaged talking to ppl at both work and in the uni work group loving it all so much...

my life had started to feel meaningful again. And it had gotten to that point in part because of my ex-fiance. Yes the councelling heloed taking up meditation helped, getting high on morning glory that one time helped a whole lot got more self esteem from that than I ever got from my father.

But that all started because of my ex fiance.

He was an i tellectual type and he had a sense of purpose about him like hes a legendary character and everyone around him became legendary too. And he found me useful! Others had called me "walking dictionary" with mockery and scorn he called me his google and it meant love and admiration. Maybe I got a bit of an ego trip off of tjat but I also really stupidly dumbtastically loved him I bragged of him to anyobe who listened everything he did seemed fascinating abd interesting and meaningful, but also I just loved the sweet gentle warmth of being next to him in the morning. Once again I was happy and everything was joyful even when it was hard, I felt strong and meaningful and useful and I let myself openly want things.

And then it all blew up. Worse yet i was so mistaken abozt him it really shook my confidence in my own judgement or any sense of clarity. I was si confused during the fucking breakup like I hadnt been since I left my father's house.

Google hah! More like his personal Alexa! It turns out he didnt respect or like me at all.

I couldnt even be sad or angry cause it was all my mistake. The one feeling I allowed - and even that took me weeks to identify - is dissapointment. Heavy leaden dissapointment i didnt even kniw that was a feeling you could feel so strongly. I didnt even do anything wrong you have to open yourself to have love. He could habe choosen to love me he just simply didnt. He probably thought he did but he wouldnt evebn do something as simple as not make fun of my voice or clean when I am sick.

Once he started putting me in the "wife" role he just became unable to see me. His loss really cause I think he wanted to keep me from all those annoying texts and email he had the nerve to write.

By all means I was right to trust but also right to leave later but still my sense of certainty and purpose and meaning was totally shaken. He did the sort of romantic stuff I didnt think was real. I knew I loved him when we had this conversation about water on mars. He got me the perfect books for my birthday! He said I was pretty and a genius and looked just like an actress. He got me this titanic esque heart pendant with stars. We were stuck at midnight in a train station that one time and he pulled out a picnic rug two plastic glasses and a shampain bottle. It never worked out but he said he might take me to see the LHC! I really thought we would be buried in the same hole folks!. He had read that same steven Hawkings book that I loved. One of the rather few books he actually read as I would find. Sigh.

And I fell right back into that same old pattern. Dont care about anything dont want anything it would be stuoid unrealistic and silly to want.

When I first came to uni I also had this feeling of hapiness and belongingness and wanting, I was putting in an effort, talking to ppl more.. and when things went wrong the slightest bit I pulled by hand back from that like from an open flame.

And here I am years later most the sucess or contact I get is comments on my fanfictions.

I thought I was doing that, or drawing, because its Stakes/Evaluation-free (going by the fear of failure theory) or because at least with the ffs gratification/payoff for effort is immediate compared to original stuff or uni work. Its a nice little niche at least.

I mean I do care about it its not "just" distraction but maybe ive been profaning it in that way... and so etimes I dont even do that and go for full unadulterated undebatable distraction; Line to 7 I guess. Tje only reason I spoke face to face to anyone else than the delivery guy this week is that I had some doctors appointments.

But not its distraction from stuff Im too lazy to do or even from pressure like I always thought. But from wanting things.

So the original fiction went great while it was a distraction from school not so much when its one of the things I most want and actually have the time to do it.

Even thought thats the most practiced skill I have that I never stopped working on since I was 10. 🤦‍♀️

I mean they already explained that its basically like meditation. Or weeds. Or popup ads. Youve got to click them away as they pop up.

I always told myself thst I didnt have to be happy... and thats not even untrue actually but it would sure be neat to be happy again one of these days.

#enneagram #enneagram type 5 #feelings #enneagram 5w4 #5w4

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archivedatl · 17 years

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AP web exclusive: All Time Low tour diary

Posted by Scott Heisel on 08-Dec-06 @ 04:43 PM

Last month, Baltimore pop-punkers All Time Low took to the road with Sugarcult for a series of shows on the West Coast. Here's some of what they saw, in words and pictures. Learn more at www.alltimelow.com.

#1------------------------------------------------------------ Ooohooo So last night we celebrated two awesome occasions...well 3 since matt's molars finally grew in...anyways yesterday was Haloween and our first night of our tour with Sugarcult. I must say, it is pretty strange touring with a band who I spent the better years of my middle school life watching on MTV. Regardless of where this band has been, it definetly didn't eff with their personalities. They were all super nice to us and each came up and introduced themselves. The show went pretty well but it wasn't a good judgement of our the whole tour is going to be because Sugarcult didn't even headline, the Eagles Of Death Metal did, and the tickets for $25 on Haloween night :) I'm sorry but I would never go to a show if those were the circumstances...I'd be out expanding my collection of holiday treats. Tonight the 'real' tour begins so we will see how it goes. We are playing Washington State University in Pullman Washington. We haven't done too many college shows, so this should be interesting...anyways before we got on the road a couple days ago we were couped up in Ben Harper's (formely of yellowcard, now in amber pacific) house/studio in long beach, CA working on our new CD :). We demoed some hot licks that were going to send over to our producer matt squire so that he can put in some input. I heard my blogs are going to be posted on the Alternative Press website for this tour, so if that's the case then...helll yeah! Well I just woke up from sleeping in the van so I am gonna walk out into the freezing streets of Pullman, WA crack my back and grab some Qudoba. Much Love, Jack --jbstar #2------------------------------------------------------------ Yoo dooodds, So I'm gonna update you guys on the passed couple shows...on Wednsday we played Washington State University. Those kids are freaking crazy! Everyone seemed to be having a good time and we made some awesome new friends. I cannot stress enough, how cool the Sugarcult guys are. Which is really cool because I have been listening to those guys since 6th grade! Anyways before we played, matt thought it would be a good idea to have a fork and knife fight backstage...yeah it turned pretty ugly and we should have some footage online soon enough. That night we partied at 'The Christmas House'. Lets just say that I'm pretty sure alex made out with a dog...I really miss Hit The Lights :( Anways...we played Seattle after the college show and it was offf the hoooook. Everyone in the room was dancing and it got pretty redic. As soon as we told them the alex/dog story they went nuts. We met up with the Pink Spiders that night. We were nervous about that because we've heard some stuff...but for real those guys are the shit. There all super nice and we have no complaints about them. We have yet to tour with a band who we don't get along with (fingers crossed). We also heard that we may be doing a few shows with Cobra Starship in Dec, if that happends that would be sick. I'll keep you guys updated. Someone made us a bucket of the craziest donuts ive ever seen at the portland show last night!! They were reallly good. Sorry for the lack of pics, I'll make sure my next post has more, its just hard to take good pics on a sidekick :). Talk to you guys soon!!Jacko #3------------------------------------------------------------ Yo Babaayyss, Last nights show was off the hook! I love playing at The Boardwalk in orangevale calii. The crowd was as wild as usual and a bunch of kids were singing along. A lot of the same kids who saw us there on the Amber Pacific tour came back. Its always cool to see so many familiar faces,,,cough cough hint hint nudge...you get the idea folks! The next couple shows should be interesting...reno and vegas. I wont be able to gamble but at least ill be able to look at a lot of lights. We all have family comming out, so that should be exciting. I havent seen my brother and sister in ages and i know their gonna be wasted so that means they will be even more friendly :) Also Meg n Dia join up in vegas which is sick, SO SIKED FOR THAT!!! We met them on warped and their super nice. anyways i think its time, i go to In and Out because after this tour im not going to be able to go back for a while :( im going to eat there everyday twice a day until we leave Arizona. Ive attached pics from our set on the Epitaph stage at this years Bamboozle Left and also some pics of our acoustic set the 2nd day! Thanks to everyone who watched us either/both days :) love you peace peace n a bottle o' hair grease, jack #4------------------------------------------------------------ Wow...vegas has to be one of the strangest places on this earth. First of all we showed up in Reno (shity city) only to find that only sugarcults crew was there and the show probably wasnt going on. We were welcomed by a hooker in a pink tanktop and no teeth asking if we had any shirts we could give her...Thankfully we have power windows and middle fingers. Thankfully zack was asleep or he might have took her up on some of her offers...he's getting desperate you know..just kidding! Anyways we decided to hang out with sugarcults crew for a little then start the drive to vegas early since it was 8 house. We got to go over the Hoover Damn which was sweet. It's seriously Vegas Vacation all over again! Anyways, we got to vegas around midnight and it was a fantastic site! My bro and sis were staying at the MGM so thats where i headed. Rian to the Excalibur, Alex and Matt to the Venecian and Zack to the Luxor. We all split up and hung out with our fam for the evening. My brother took me around vegas and boyyy was it interesting. I was approached by numerous drunk people. It was basically like an Ocean City, Maryland for older people. It's just a place for adults to drink, walk around drunk, act like teenagers and maybe gamble a bit here n' there. it was Akward to say the least. Anyways the next day was the show at the House Of Blues at Mandalay Bay...probably one of the nicest venues we have ever played. We introduced ourselves to the Meg n Dia folks and got to know our new tour mates as we shared a dressing room. We soon found they are awesome people and they share a love for getting wild! The show was pretty cool, and the crowd was big. It was weird though because the merch was not in the venue, it was in the cassino haha. Anyways Vegas was an experience we wont forget, and I cant wait till we go there again. I hope the next time we go, were 21...actually nevermind because that would be three years :)stay rad, Jack #5------------------------------------------------------------ Lame! Tonight was our last show on the Sugarcult Tour featuring The Pink Spiders and Meg n Dia :( Damone will be taking our place on this great lineup. I am jelous that they get to join up! Anyways we made some lifetime friends on this tour and it was a great experience for everyone. Every single show was amazing and the fans never let us down. Traveling to bumfuck arizona and hearing a couple hundred kids sing your song is the coolest feeling ever. Sugarcult was very warming towards us and their personalities suprised the shit out of me. they were such cool guys and even when zack was sick they made him soup and gave him Emergen-C. WHO DOES THAT !?!? Thats like something my mom does...so in a way Sugarcult are our parents. They actually reffered to us as their younger brothers on stage. At the last show of the tour in Little Rock, Arkansas us and Meg n Dia ran on stage during "Bouncing Off the Walls" and started bouncing around and took over Tim's Guitar n Mic, Marko's (my twin) guitar and Airens Bass. It was so fun to bro down with a band that ive been listening to since middle school haha. Alex also got to soundcheck with sugarcult at Texas AM College because tim was at the hospital taking care of his sickness (i think he had a nasty cold). It was so crazy to see alex soundcheck with a band who for the past few years have held a special spot on my ipod and in my cd player :) I attached a pic of him sound-checking for fun. At the end of the show we said our goodbyes and gave our hugs. This is'nt the end of these friendships though, only the beggining...now we head home to write a new cd. Catch us on the road in the northeast in december when we head out with Cobra Starship! Stay safe, Jack

#2006 #blog #Jack Barakat #text #alternative press #all time low #sugarcult tour

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bobbyischill · 5 years

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My Relationship With Andi Mack

Two years ago, when I was in 10th grade, my GSA advisor was telling me and a friend about a Disney Channel show. She hadn’t watched it yet, but apparently one of the main characters had just come out as gay! I was really happy for Disney and glad that queer kids all over the world had someone like them to look up to. However, I, a 15 year old, a mature teenager, wouldn’t really enjoy a kids show, right? So I went about the rest of my day without giving it a second thought....

Until I went home and opened up Tumblr. One of the first posts I saw was someone giving props to Disney for making such a diverse, inclusive show that was actually GOOD. They said it reminded them of Girl Meets World, except it was a million times better and diverse. Okay fine, I thought. I guess I’ll check out Andi Mack. (BOOYY I HAD A BIG STORM COMING)

I opened up my iPad around 10:30pm and decided to watch an episode or two, depending on how tired I was. After the very first episode, I recognized that this show was special. Like, REALLY special. The characters were fleshed out and unique. There was the “twist” about Bex being Andi’s mom. The friendships and relationships felt real. I knew I was going to binge the whole show that night.

That night, as I continued on with the show, I fell in love with each one of them. They all had their own quirks, they were all nuanced. I fell in love with how competitive, protective to a fault, and caring Buffy was. I fell in love with how awkward and goofy and relatable Cyrus was. I fell in love with how kind and oblivious Jonah was. I fell in love with how hard-working and funny Andi was, and how much she cared about certain things and the people around her. I fell in love with the dynamics between certain characters and how they were always changing. I loved how it tackled racism in school (Buffy had to change her hair or be sent home), how unfair dress codes are to students (especially girls), how you need to take a stand for what you believe in (the prison uniforms), and how stepping out of your comfort zone is a good thing, even if you get hurt (Andi watching a horror movie and being terrified, but not regretting it). This was all in the first season.

This show already meant so much to me. And then Cyrus looked back at Jonah. In the words of Jonah Beck, “I cried”. Just that hint of representation was more than I had ever scene on Disney or any other show marketed to kids.

And then Cyrus came out to Buffy. I, a pansexual who was out to my friends but not any of my family and who still struggled with intense internalized homophobia, burst into tears. I related to how ashamed and afraid Cyrus looked. I needed to hear Buffy’s heartfelt response. “You may be weird, but you’re no different.” That phrase was constantly bouncing through my head for at least the next few days (and if I’m being honest, it still is). I wrote it all over my notes and assignments because it was literally all I could think about for such a long time. I saw the sign on the wall that said “G: for General Audiences.” That showed me that Disney (or at least Terri Minsky, my queen) truly felt that I wasn’t a freak. I didn’t need to hide my identity from anyone if I didn’t want to. My identity wasn’t a mature subject; it was for general audiences. (Also, I just want to add that Sofia and Josh’s acting in this scene was absolutely fantastic. It was so raw and emotional, and it still makes me cry every time I see it.)

And then in that same episode Cyrus and Buffy talked about his crush on Jonah. They did it so casually, and my mind was blown. At this point, I had honestly never seen so much gay representation in a show as this.

That night, I stayed up until 5am. I was rewatched Cyrus’s coming out scene about 10 times. I fangirled about it on Tumblr. I added “Tomorrow Starts Today” to my Spotify playlist. I even wrote a diary entry about it. (I only write in my diary when I’m feeling very intense emotions that I need to write down in order to figure out.)

The next day at school, I told all my Gay Friends about Andi Mack and how amazing it was. A few of them got into it, and it was fun talking to them about it, but after a while I was pretty heavily hyperfixated on it and I needed more. And I felt like I was bothering my followers with constant posts about how much I loved Andi Mack. So I made this blog. @cyrus-made-tshirts. I haven’t changed the name since. That’s how I became an official part of the friendom.

I love this fandom. I don’t even know many people personally or have made many friends through it, but this fandom was everything to me. I loved the posts, the crackhead theories, josh’s account. I loved the crackships, the real ships, the overanalyzing of every line, of every movement, of every promo. I loved watching the reactions on YouTube. I loved making posts about the show and having hundreds of people relate to it or find it funny, especially the gay ones. My very first post to get more than 50 notes was one about how Miranda and Bex would make a cute couple (this was before Miranda was revealed to be a snake.)

For the past year and a half, Andi Mack has been my life. I have survived the many ship wars. I have survived the months-long hiatuses. I have survived the ominous tweets and posts Josh has made and the frenzy of panicking everywhere that followed it. And I have loved every minute of it.

I’ve seen these characters I love grow up before my eyes. They’ve all changed and evolved and matured so much. There’s so much more representation since I started watching the show. There’s a character with a learning disability, characters with anxiety, a homeless character, a deaf character. There’s been multiple episodes celebrating Jewish and Chinese culture. I’ve seen Cyrus go from nervously nodding in agreement that he liked a boy to unprovokingly telling his friend he liked that boy to flat-out telling his ex-crush he is gay to holding hands with his crush in public. I’ve seen all of Cyrus’s friends support him unconditionally. I’ve seen him find his happily ever after (for middle school, at least).

And then the last episode aired. I knew I was never going to be prepared for it, but HOLY SHIT, it’s over. And the finale was like a fanfiction it was so good. I watched it live on Thursday night at midnight. I freaked out about it online for three hours, then watched it on Disney Now. I pulled an all-nighter because I just kept rewatching it online until Friday night, when I watched it air on Disney. The way Cyrus and TJ sang Born This Way with the rest of the characters cured my depression, cleared my skin, and watered my crops. The bench scene was so fucking beautiful and romantic it caused me to hyperventilate. The acting from both Luke and Josh was incredible. Honestly, Luke crushed it the entire time as TJ and the bench scene was the icing on top. This scene meant more to met than some people could ever know.

A couple months ago, I was in a pretty shit place emotionally and mentally. Literally the only thing stopping me from killing myself was the guilt of leaving my friends and family behind. I needed another reason to stay, something to keep me grounded. And that reason became Andi Mack. I promised myself I would live to see the day Tyrus became canon. And I did it. I’m in a much better place now, and I’m not going to do anything stupid now that Tyrus has become canon (TYRUS HAS BECOME CANON!!! AAKDBEISSHSB I STILL HAVENT PROCESSED THAT YET!!!!). But at the time, I really needed Andi Mack to help me keep fighting. And it was there for me. And I will always be indebted to it for my life.

This show has helped me in so many other ways. It’s helped me drastically reduce my internalized homophobia. It’s given me a community of people that understand me. It’s created so many characters that I love. So thank you to Terri Minsky for creating this show and amazing characters that I will love forever. Thank you to Disney for funding it and not completely censoring it. Thank you to the crew for working tirelessly to make this happen. Thank you to Peyton, Emily, Asher, Josh, Luke, Lilan, Trent, Garren, Sofia, and every other actor for pouring their heart into this show. A special thank you to Josh and Luke for making me feel safe and loved and for caring so much about their story arcs. (And their political activism is pretty awesome, too.)

I’m really going to miss screaming about this show with you guys. I really hope that some people keep creating fanart and fanfics and keep making memes and crackships. I hope the friendom never dies. Because every one of you is so special and fun to hang out with online. And I’m really gonna miss it. And now I’m crying, and this is getting WAYYY too long, so I’m gonna stop talking now lmao. But I want to say this show has changed me in so many ways and I’m grateful to every single person involved, including the amazing friendom. I’ll love you all forever. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

#andi mack #thank you #thank you so much andi mack #my relationship with andi mack #personal

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