#also no offense to anyone who does I do not care what you do. i don't watch either of em

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

So this is a weird ask but I figured an Actual Welsh Person would be the person to go to, and you've been pretty gung-ho about the language thing. So I hope I'm not bothering you with this.

Is there a cultural consensus on foreigners learning Welsh? I'm American and I don't have a single shred of Welsh ancestry. My family is historically German, and we've been here since the English Colony days, so it honestly seems really weird even to try to claim some tie to German heritage.

Anyway, my point is, I have absolutely zero legitimate claim to the Welsh language. I don't plan to travel to Wales in the foreseeable future. I have no reason to learn Welsh except that it sounds pretty and I enjoy a challenge.

Putting aside the issue of "lmao it's gonna be stupid difficult to learn an endangered language if you don't have anyone to speak it with" (I have a loose plan for dealing with that, and the experience of learning two languages to "can read most novels without needing the dictionary" level without anyone to speak them with in person already) entirely, do you reckon it's okay for me to study Welsh? I know Americans are really, really bad about just kinda assuming the whole world belongs to us, and I'm trying not to do that here. Especially because Welsh IS endangered.

I imagine your average Welsh person probably doesn't care what some random American does. But like, for people who care about the language...Would it be considered disrespectful or overstepping for me to study it? I don't expect you to speak for the entire country, of course, but I respect your opinion and I feel like you'd have a grasp on what the general feeling towards a foreigner like me might be.

Thanks for your time.

I honestly, truly, do not understand how the discussion around cultural appropriation has been twisted in the cultural zeitgeist to such an extent that people now feel anxiety about learning other languages.

This is not a personal attack on you, Anon - the gods only know that you clearly care and want to do the right thing, and that's beautiful and wonderful and also I will come back to extolling your personal virtues at the end of this post, so stay tuned. But I do want to take a moment here to talk about the broader issue at play, which I have seen echoed multiple times elsewhere, because fuck me what are we doing to ourselves.

Learn. Languages.

That is what languages are for! To be used for communication. If you don't learn languages, you are forcing everyone else to use yours. How have we somehow, as a culture, twisted that into being the less selfish option? How have we done that? I posted my favourite Welsh idiom recently, and someone reblogged it and wrote in the tags that they loved the idiom and would start using it, but they would do so in English because their "Welsh pronunciation would make their Welsh grandmother spin in her grave."

What kind of mental gymnastics is that?

How the fuck do you twist it so badly that you think taking a Welsh idiom for your own and exclusively using it in English is less offensive than saying it in Welsh but maybe a bit wrong? I've literally had people proclaim to me that they're learning Welsh on Duolingo but they never speak it because they're too self-conscious, and they tell me this not to highlight a massive flaw in themselves that they need to work on, but as though I'm supposed to pat them on the head and thank them for... still making me speak English to them.

There was that post where a Deaf blogger received an anonymous ask saying learning sign language is cultural appropriation, as though Deaf people haven't been calling for Sign to be taught in schools. As though a Deaf person being entirely isolated in everyday hearing society unless they have an interpreter with them is less offensive than a hearing person being able to use BSL.

Like, these are not sacred or religious languages. The purpose of Welsh or BSL or what have you is not to perform the Eleusinian mysteries. It's a living everyday language, same as English -

Except it's not the same as English. As Anon here so rightly points out, Welsh is endangered. That means we are desperate for people to learn it. That's how it will survive. That's how we reversed it from 'dying language' to 'living language', in fact - we managed to get lots of people to learn it. You know what is a threat, though? People not learning it because, like poor Anon here, they've been somehow convinced by Western society that you're only allowed to learn languages if you personally have a historic or cultural connection to them that you can prove via six forms of ID and a letter of recommendation from a druid. Or people never using it because they're too embarrassed to try and risk losing face by getting it wrong, or maybe sounding a bit silly, and thus forcing us to use English anyway. Those are threats.

Anon. Listen to me, feel the sincerity of my words: we adore you. We adore you. You cannot imagine how appreciated it is when someone learns Welsh. You cannot imagine how touched we are that you wanted to, that you tried, that you respected us enough and considered us valid enough that you made the effort. Our closest neighbours are the very people who are still trying to stamp out Welsh to this very day. Do you know the number 1 reaction I get, by a country mile, when I tell English people that I speak Welsh? It's some variant on a scoff, and the sentiment "Why? What's the point? Bit useless, isn't it?"

By a country mile. That's the reaction I expect, and brace for, and is overwhelmingly what I get.

So when someone who isn't Welsh actually chooses to learn Welsh?

Imagine what that feels like! To go from not-even-hidden disgust, from outright mockery and often active suppression campaigns, to a foreigner earnestly telling me that they love and respect my language so much they're trying to learn it. Imagine how that feels.

Please learn Welsh. Please learn it. We will love you for it. We will build you a statue. We will bake little Welshcakes with your face on in icing sugar. We will write you poems in complex rhyme. We'll name an Eisteddfod prize after you. We'll name at least, like, three sheep after you. Thank you, thank you so much for even wanting to learn. You're a delight and a marvel and a wonder. Your hair looks great today, as it does all days. You're a strong, independent human being of immense wisdom and compassion. If this were a Welsh myth you'd be a wise salmon the heroes came to for advice. What a fantastic human.

The welcome awaits if you choose to learn

#linguistics #asks #long post

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

#pinned post bc I'm particularly proud of how it turned out and i don't want it to get buried when people check out my blog lol #Good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens season 2 #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #gos #gos spoilers #gos2 #gos2 spoilers #gomens #gomens spoilers #gomens 2 #gomens 2 spoilers #good omens s2 spoilers #ineffable husbands #aziracrow #aziraphale #crowley #mine #meta #character analysis #character study #discourse #making an effort #this literally took me a week to finish i really hope it doesn't sound stupid lol #i know I'm gonna wake up in a cold sweat every couple days bc i forgot to add something but i needed this out of my drafts and also my brain

[miss-dollette]

Pedo problem in the COD fandom - Mini Rant.

TW: Opinion. Pedophilia mentioned. Cursing. Offensive. 18+.

Entering my Wendy Williams Era and saying what I want because I want to. I already know everyone is gonna jump me (again), but do you think I care? I say my truth and say what everyone thinking.

Hey, I have a question... what's up with people making COD characters borderline pedophiles??

I mean, 18 years old is legal, but let's be honest, any man in his 30s and older who would date an 18 year old is... you know - someone who would go younger if it was legal. (Anyone who argues with this fact, you're either underage or sus af).

I feel so icky when I scroll in a tag and see all these FF's titled "Ghost x innocent!Reader," or "older!BF Price x Younger!GF Reader," or "Step-dad!König x stepdaughter!reader." Like r u fr?

The fact that there is so many of them is disturbing.

Look, I'm no prude. I like kinky sex and all that freaky stuff, and I don't mind age gap relationships, but the way you guys write makes it clear that you like the aspect of the taboo-ness of "that" type of relationship, if you could even call it that.

I get so disgusted by the way you freaks write my favorite characters. How dare you make Simon (a beautiful, loving man) or Price (who, let's be honest, never touch an 18 year old) into some gross pervert.

Don't get me wrong, I like perverts, but not creep perverts.

Pedophilia or hints of it will never be tolerated. And should never.

Also, most of this fandom is made up of bad smut and even worse dialogue in smut. Seriously, I cringe. What the hell.

We need more 30+ year olds in this fandom writing because I can't take the unrealistic, bad fanfiction running around.

And of I hear "doe eyes" one more time, I sweat to God, Bitch...

#cod mw2 #mw2 x reader #mw2 #cod mw3 #vladimir makarov x reader #simon ghost x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #mw2 headcanons #john price #captain price #keegan x you #keegan russ x reader #cod mwii #konig mw2 #konig call of duty #call of duty #konig x reader #rant post #mini rant #makarov x reader #keegan p russ #ghost x reader #captain john price

[cannibalbuffe]

hi! I've honestly been craving some qpr headcanons with Alastor as someone who's also aroace! The concept piques my curiosity so much considering most of the stuff with him is purely romantic (no offense to those writers, I just wanna see more qpr stuff! :])

Of course! But do forgive me, annon, I got so carried away with this 😅. I just really like Alastor a lot.

I ended up writing some backstory to your relationship first, but I highlighted the start of the proper qpr headcanons if you feel like skipping that.

Obligatory I'm sorry if this is ooc, I'm still getting used to writing about these characters. This is also all based on my own perception of him.

(Also, I am aware that qprs are very different from one another and there is no single mold for a qpr, I'm just going off of what I think it would be like with Alastor.)

Uhh, I also finished this at 1 AM, so forgive any mistakes. And I'm pretty sure I changed the verb conjugations(? Is this how you say that in English?) from present to past at some point. Sorry. Enough with the A/Ns now. Hope you enjoy!

Alastor queerplatonic relationship headcanons

(gender neutral reader, Alastor x reader)

‼️Trigger-warning‼️: mentions of cannibalism (not graphic), a single mention of tongue-kissing and making out (spoiler: he doesn't want either of those things in this work.) Usage of the word queer, but not as a slur. Alastor is a grandpa and you have to explain LGBTQ+ stuff to him, but he gets it.

› At first, before you were close, it's likely that he didn't see you as an equal.

› Truly, in his eyes, it seems not really is his equal. He is the most powerful overlord in hell and he knows it.

› Unless you are someone he holds in high regard (and this is mostly based on vibes, barely anything to do with power, as we can see by how he is with Lucifer of all people) before your first meeting, like Zestial, you won't be on equal footing at first.

› You only really start getting close when his perception of you shifts.

› You respect his boundaries, you are interesting, you and him share quite a few interests (or not really, but you're at least interested in hearing about his), and you're, surprisingly, pretty wise and mature.

› And caring. I personally believe he would be drawn to that in a way that he may not even understand fully- or realize it at all.

› Still, the point is. He respects you, and you respect him.

› (And not in the way some others do, where they're only "respectful" out of fear. You would act like this regardless of his power.)

› This, by the way, is important. You don't treat him like a superior, but as an equal.

› You'd think someone like him would love to be treated like a superior, and it's true. He very much does.

› But he has to admit to himself that it does feel nice whenever someone isn't shaking in their boots and can hold really good conversations with him while still not being pushy, annoying or just generally disrespectful.

› Anyways.

› Ever since you became friends (which took long), one could say, you just kept becoming closer and closer.

› You were the first one to be vulnerable with him, of course. It happened on accident, but you trusted him enough for that.

› You were also the first one to share any more intimate information with him. Something you wouldn't tell just anyone.

› Between this, your conversations, and maybe even helping each other around (honestly, he probably helps you more than you do him, but you always offer it and always in a sweet way, never condescending, and he appreciates that.)

› He eventually felt more comfortable sharing personal things with you too.

› (He may have distanced himself a bit when he realized this, but it was short-lived. You can't be without each other for so long, and you were pretty upset at his suddenly withdrawal. You may not have mentioned it to him, but he could tell, and as much as he hated to admit it, it hurt him to see you sad because of him.)

› This marks the beginning of the path toward your queerplatonic relationship.

› I mean, you didn't initially label it as such, but it definitely started there.

› Surprisingly, I feel like the first one to ever do any sort of affectionate gesture towards the other was him.

› You knew he didn't like to be touched, so you didn't.

› But! He just started getting more and more comfortable with touching you. At first it was hands on your shoulders, or putting his arm over them.

› I can even see a head pat or two, which he probably passed off as some sort of joke the first few times, but, if you liked them so much, just became a thing he does to you.

› And then one day you, completely absent-mindedly, intertwined your arm with his while walking around.

› When you noticed you had done it and he hadn't said anything, you questioned him about it.

› "Alastor, I'm sorry I didn't ask... is this alright?"

› "This?... Oh, you mean the arms? Ah, dear, don't worry, if it weren't I would have simply told you so!"

› From them on you only got more and more physically affectionate with each other. At first you would usually be the one to start it, but eventually you were both shockingly equal in doing so.

› (You still would always ask if you could touch him beforehand, but after a while he just gave you a free-pass.)

› Not a lot in public, though. Mostly just hand holding, or intertwining arms (if in public, that is.)

› Alastor also was so protective of you. You were the person he treasured most, after all.

› Well, demon.

› Even if you told him you were going to be okay, he would watch out nonetheless. He couldn't afford to lose you, not when he's never trusted and cared for a person this much.

› You two also cuddle a lot. You were the first one to ask, as usual, but now both of you feel weird sleeping alone.

› Alastor loves being the big spoon, if you're doing that.

› But he is also quite fond of occasionally being the little spoon, although he wouldn't be caught dead admitting it.

› A hobby you two do together is cooking. Cooking with Alastor is fun... especially if you're okay with cannibalism.

› But if you don't like that, he won't insist, of course.

› He's pretty good at cooking, though! If you're also good at it, then great. If not, he'll tease you about it (in a friendly way), but still teach you.

› On teasing, he teases you quite a bit, but never in a mean way. If you don't mind, of course.

› You also may tease him occasionally, but he doesn't appreciate you teasing him in public.

› The two of you also have a good amount of inside jokes that probably confuse the hell out of the others.

› Kissing... well. I don't really see Alastor as the type who would enjoy kissing on the lips too much.

› Tongue is out of question for him, as well as any sort of making out, but otherwise... if you like it, he can do that for you.

› He might actually like a peck or two. An acquired taste for him. Don't overdo it, though.

› Of course, him being from the 1930s and not very familiar with anything LGBTQ+ related, he would, at first, be somewhat confused by the request.

› You would probably have to explain to him that nothing is inherently romantic, especially not if you don't want it to be.

› "A kiss on the lips? Well... we aren't courting, Y/n."

› "We can put our own meanings to things, though. Would you like this kiss to be romantic?"

› "Definitely not!"

› "Well, me neither. So it's not!"

› "... That is very sound logic! I can't believe I've never thought of this myself."

› Kisses on the rest of the face are something else, though. He does enjoy it whenever you kiss him on the cheek. He himself might occasionally kiss you on the forehead.

› But overall I don't think he's big on kissing.

› If you want to really solidify that you're in a queerplatonic relationship you'd also have to explain what that means to him, sorry.

› Again, he's old and not up to date with things.

› Thankfully he understands things easily.

› "I see... I suppose we do have quite the queer relationship, don't we? And it is certainly platonic. I don't see why not!"

› Going back to vulnerability. It will never feel fully natural for him to just be vulnerable with you — or anyone else, for the matter.

› (In case you couldn't tell, he's using the word queer as meaning odd (and doing a little pun. You know. Because it's a. Queerplatonic relationship. Queer. Hehehehe), as it defies the norm of what a platonic relationship usually looks like, despite being one.)

› But you know him well enough at this point to recognize whenever there's something going on with him.

› And if you show concern and give him enough time he will share whatever it is with you.

› If it's not anything too big he might even reach out to you first.

› He can also read you like a book and gives surprisingly good advice, and is also pretty good at comforting you.

› You are the only person allowed at his studio while he's live on the radio. You usually read as he speaks in the background, his voice is very relaxing. He enjoys having you around.

› He's also particularly gentlemanly to you, more than to the others. When you're with him you never have to open a single door yourself, for one. If it's raining, he'll hold the umbrella for the two of you. When walking together on the sidewalk, he's always on the side closest to the street instead of you.

› You two often go out for dinner. If you also fancy some cannibalism, he will definitely show you his favorite restaurants around. If not he will just pick the best non-cannibal places (but you know those are not his favorites, haha.)

› He just cares about you a lot, even if it took him long to admit (it may have seemed fast-paced during this, but Alastor is someone who really takes long to get close to.)

› And you care about him lot too!

› (And you're probably never going to be in a life-threatening situation again, at least not at the hands of most demons. Who would ever want trouble with Alastor?)

#alastor x reader #platonic alastor x reader #queerplatonic alastor x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #headcanons #buffet tag

[lurkinggirlie]

Elain & Azriel are EndGame

Azriel’s bonus chapter: semi-essay on my thoughts

This post will be a long one. The shipwar has been going on for far too long, and there's a possiblity that we'll be getting closure soon. So, I want to put my thoughts out there. For Obvious reasons, I could be very wrong, but this is what I think based on canon text: (Ignore any errors..I haven't edited this, and I'm sure there are many posts like this that are way more articulate)

Elriel are endgame. If they’re not then Azriel is kinda pathetic and having him end-up with anyone else is bad writing and character assassination. (Which we sadly won’t put past sjm but I don’t think she would..at least I hope)

1- Elain has no other love interest. Yes, Lucien is her mate but we have hinted at a broken/rejected mating bond for the longest time when it comes to these two so having them accept it eventually is going to be quite underwhelming, repetitive and boring. Even Lucien seems to have given up/isn’t interested in bridging that gap between them, which we’re told in both acofas and acosf. Unless you want to count the longing pointed out by Cassian, although Cassian also pointed out that Lucien was also uncomfortable when he mentioned his mate. To add on, there is no sexual tension between the two, and we know how important that is for sjm’s couple. You can't keep whining "but Elain isn't giving him a chance, if only she gave him a chance, then maybe this and maybe that" Elain is not a seprate entity, she is what SJM writes, Sjm could have written that but she did not yet and I'm not sure if she will. It feels too late at this point, she had already shown us that Elain has feelings for someone else aka Azriel. The author doesn't have to spell everything out for us to understand to what's going on. Sarah usually makes it clear who's endgame. and she literally is. So, it would be very sudden and out of the blue if Lucien and Elain were to end up together when she had never shown it before. When even Azriel pointed this out “I think Lucien will never be good enough for her, and she has no interest in him, anyway” people can say Rhys killed elriel, that the bonus chapter ended them. But this line right here tells us otherwise! First we know Azriel and Elain can read each other so well that they don’t need words, and then Azriel tells us this. He’s literally telling us that Elain does not want Lucien.

We also cannot compare elucien to Feysand or Nessian in the “enemies to lovers" department, because these two seem to hardly care about each other. For obvious reasons she wouldn’t accept or reject Lucien in a book that isn’t hers. But if they do end up together I’d feel robbed that she had more sexual tension with Azriel than she did with Lucien. And we know that Nessian and Feysand had sexual tension before getting together. Most of what we got from Elain and Lucien was awkwardness, and discomfort. Not a single spark. Furthermore, it would feel like Azriel was just leading Elain own. Plus their romance (Lucien and Elain)  would not feel organic, only getting with Lucien because she felt rejected by Azriel, which doesn’t give epic romance no matter how sjm tries to spin it. It would always make Lucien seem like the second choice.

2- Azriel regifting the necklace was a dickhead move, and offensive to both girls. Anyone thinking the regifting of the necklace ended elriel or started gwynriel is delusional and clearly doesn’t know how the romance genre works. (should’ve thrown the gift in the Sidra like Cassain did) I can’t believe Rhys isn’t paying Azriel enough that he felt the need to return the necklace to the shop instead of throwing it. Senstive Illyrian baby indeed. 

3- Rhys saying stay away from Elain (can we take a moment to appreciate how sexy Rhys was for pulling rank, he really made the ship more interesting now) and Azriel actually listening to him?? When he told him you can’t order me to do that. shit would be underwhelming if Azriel actually stayed away? Hello? Secret relationship potential ? Hello? Forbidden romance potential  ??? The tropes would be epic. Sjm had never done that. And I’m not saying she will, but this is how I see it playing out. + Azriel saying it was a mistake to Elain, and Elain apologizing?? The fact she was confused/hurt and probably thought she misunderstood the whole situation? SHE IS BABYGIRL?? Regardless, Azriel saying it was a mistake and it being a mistake is NOT it. This is not how romance works most of the time. This is such a basic romantic trope, why are a lot of people misinterepting it? Elain deserves better, and sjm isn’t about to hurt Elain’s feelings without making it up to her. And she’s definitely not making Azriel end up with another girl before he fixes that shit. I will be needing a proper apology to Elain.  

4- Whenever people think of the bonus chapter they weigh in Azriel’s feelings far more than Elain’s. It’s clear that Elain and Azriel’s feelings are MUTUAL, ignore the bonus chapter and it’s right there in the actual book. I don’t think Elain got the memo that Azriel had  a conversation with another girl after he hurt her feelings which made him realize he’s in love all of a sudden. *sarcasm*  that would be very out of character for Azriel. 

5- His chest sparkling at the thought of Gwyn getting the necklace was so??? I have been saying he’s for the streets and yes this was out of pocket. So, I understand people shipping them. However it could mean anything really, you can't continue saying that Gwyn in the bonus has to mean something, and that that spark must mean somethig but continue to disreagrd every single Elriel interaction like they mean nothing. Because for it to be taken as romance we’d have to ignore the beginning of the bonus, the feysand’s bonus acosf/acomaf/acowar and acofas. + we could easily take this in a platonic way, which is how I viewed it when I read the bonus. Not everything has to be romantic. And sjm will NOT introduce a new guy to make him end up with Elain since we already established Elain doesn’t want Lucien and Lucien doesn’t want her either. 

6- I know that a lot of people have theories about Gwyn being a lightsinger and all of this happening because of her powers (While I do think this is very smart, it wasn’t something I thought of so I won’t talk about it). I do think it’s possible, and all the theories I saw were really cool but idk where sjm is going with this, so to make it simple I do think it could be because she’s his student, she went through a lot it could simply be platonic happiness that a girl who went through so much is going to be happy about something. Even if it was a secondhand necklace specifically picked with ANOTHER girl in mind PLUS I do think sjm wanted drama, and for people to doubt elriel cuz now they have all these obstacles, so Gwyn would be the easy choice, but the second choice regardless. The relationship would feel icky and I genuinely cannot see the potential gwynriels keep talking about. I would take the ship a lot more seriously if a) he didn’t regift her another girl’s necklace b) there was more to them in the actual book. c) he wasn’t still upset about it 3 days later… 

7- There’s a high possibility Gwyn never even got the necklace..

He gave it to Clotho not Gwyn, he didn’t want his name mentioned, and then said if any other girl would like it to give it to them: the aim was to get rid of Elain’s necklace. It’s sort of a parallel with Cassain throwing away Nesta’s present.

I think it’s possible that Azriel went there because he knows how much the girls in the library have suffered, especially since his mom did too, it's possible he thought "okay this is a pretty necklace, I don't want to hold onto the reminder of what could've been, so instead of throwing it let another girl be happy about it. At least it won’t go to waste”

Clotho could tell there was something wrong, like maybe she sensed the energy and decided ayeee let me keep this aside for him, he might come back and ask for it. 

The bonus did not happen at the end of the book 

If Azriel was truly in love with Gwyn now /or he wanted her/ or more between them was going to happen/ or they were mates according to some theories we could have AT LEAST gotten more after the bonus. 

We know the bonus happened after solstice.

Nesta mentions that Azriel was stone-faced and more aloof than usual, he wouldn’t even give her a smile. That was 3 days after the necklace situation. I think it would’ve been a great opportunity to highlight any attraction between Azriel and Gwyn.

Maybe he sees the necklace around her neck, maybe Nesta and Emerie compliment Gwyn’s necklace, or Gwyn telling them she doesn’t know who it’s from, maybe they tease her that someone might have a crush on her. Nesta could’ve pointed out that Azriel was looking at Gwyn’s necklace.or looking at Gwyn in some sort of way. Literally anything. 

Anyone pointing out the way Azriel and Gwyn looked at each other. A charged glance perhaps. Literally ANYTHING. We only got him looking at her with admiration which is very teacher coded. 

If sjm hadn’t made Nesta realize Azriel had a thing for Elain then maybe gwnyriel would’ve been more appealing to me. But no, Nesta noticed. This doesn’t mean nothing people.

aside from that we got nothing romantic, but a part of the fandom still acts like we need to exile Elain because she’s coming between Gwyn and Azriel’s epic love story.

Not everyone has access to the bonus.  

The Azriel chapter was only in ONE store in the US, but Feysand’s bonus chapter was in 3 stores in the US and UK. I don't know but something tells me it’s more important.  Soooo if SJM would do a love interest switch she would not do it in a bonus chapter, and wouldn’t be highlighting the Az/Elain interactions in ACOSF as much as she did. 

Feyre’s chapter focuses on Elain, it literally tells us Elain is next once we’re done helping Nesta. EASY MATH. and the Azriel bonus also focuses on elriel/Azriel’s feelings. ENDGAME MATERIAL RIGHT HERE. 

But the girls swear up and down that Gwyn and Azriel’s book is next because of a secondhand necklace. 

Let’s assume elriels are the delusional ones (like so many of them say), how do we explain these. 

Casual readers who usually read books and aren’t on the internet and aren’t looking for bonus content (wish that was me)  (lord knows I skipped every bonus chapter in throne of glass and crescent city and I wasn’t confused about anything. Not even once) so they’d expect answers for 

The Charged glance between Azriel and Elain

Azriel following the sound of Elain’s laughter. 

Elain looking away when Azriel smiled at her during family dinner, Cassian god bless him that idiot could NOT piece all of that together. BUT it was still highlighted through his POV ???

His secret to tell never hers (and we do learn of that secret in the bonus but people who didn’t read it could only guess so they’d want a confirmation) and sjm did say in one of her lives that Nesta learns of one of Azriel’s secrets (she looked all giddy about it)... and that Azriel is going through some shit right now…and we learn why from the bonus chapter. 

Cassian being confused that it seems like Azriel moved on from Mor

Nesta pointing out that Elain moved on from Graysen

Cassian wondering why Elain is lying about where she’s going. (I viewed this as her avoiding Azriel but idk) 

Azriel’s protectiveness of Elain. He gives mate behavior without the mate part. (I will hit him on the head though omg let my girl do something)

Elain willing to look for the troves even when Nesta wasn’t, the girl wants to do something  (her journey is coming next) 

Nesta wondering if Elain is training with Azriel or the twins (who are spies that were trained by Azriel !!!) 

Feyre telling Azriel that Elain got him beat for secret keeping. Sure it might sound delusional but Elain keeps being compared to Az/being a spy and maybe this could be a thing. 

Elain speaking back to her sisters about them treating her like a child?? Hello finally 

The way Elain’s mother only treated her like a pretty doll which shaped up Elain’s whole life??? I want this from Elain’s POV sooo bad 

In conclusion, we’re not pausing Elain’s story so Azriel can end up with a side character in a spinoff about an og side character, we’re sticking to our og side characters for now.

Azriel being over Mor because of Elain, and Elain moving on from Graysen because of Azriel only for Elain to get over Azriel to be with Lucien (who we got nothing from aside a mating bond..) and for Az to get over Elain and questioning fate for her…only to end up with gwyn…like I don’t think anyone could take Azriel’s feelings seriously if this happens. Shit will be too goofy.  Because if he ends up with Gwyn who says he won’t move on to the next pretty girl he sees afterwards.

To add to that, what plot would we have for Azriel and Gwyn. We'll get more Valkyries training, more healing journey so the plot would have to be paused for this. Nesta’s book was mostly about her healing journey and friendship, while it was nice I don’t want a repeat for the next book. Especially since we know the Rite took a toll on Gwyn, she went back to the library, wasn’t even sure she would make it to Nessian’s mating ceremony. This doesn’t give the protagonist of the next book to me. Or "I thought it was pretty obvious"

Elain’s healing journey had started in ACOWAR, she got her friends in ACOWAR. Now is their TIME to do something!! She is next. 

Closing thoughts on what I think would happen based off each ship happening: 

If elriel happens = new sjm couple dynamic/interesting plot. Fresh sjm protagonist that is unlike sjm's others + we don’t ignore all the foreshadowing and hints. We follow the love triangle we set up in the og trilogy + finally get a rejected mating bond. And instead of warrior training we might get spy training and instead of physical power (as far as we know) we get something more mental. Again this is very new for sjm + there’s a lot to Elain’s power that we don’t know and since Azriel was the one who found out what she was, I think it would make more sense for him to know how to help her. Imagine the sexual tension during training..yes please. I hope sjm doesn’t rob me. Elain is really mysterious, we got Nesta’s inner thoughts before her book but we still haven't gotten a peep about Elain’s inner thoughts and I’m just dying to know more. AND THE STAKES!

1) Rhys forbidding Azriel from Elain, 2) Elain’s mating bond,3) Azriel’s self doubt and how he doesn’t think he’s good enough. 4) The blood duel and the political mess we could get into. (Lucien probs won't but what if Beron would, the breeding potential, A seer must be a powerful thing she can see things others can't and I think that’s valuable. If Eris thought Nesta was valuable as cauldron made and there was no potential there, so The Autumn court probably feels even more entitled to Elain) We have high inner and outer stakes. I have a feeling SJM will fumble all this potential but a girl can dream 

If elucien happens = another successful mating bond + “enemies”  to lovers sort of but they won’t ever be mean to each other so maybe not enemies, just dislike and awkwardness to friends to lovers?  We ignore the hints about a rejected bond and in mating bonds we trust. We also ignore all the elriel hints, and their mutual feelings. We follow the love triangle set up in the og trilogy. I don’t think Lucien could train her in anything? Maybe self defense, Idk Sarah could pull something, but I don’t see Elain leaving her circle of friends but neither do I see Lucien settling in the night court and leaving his own friends. There are no stakes but Elain’s and Lucien’s awkwardness around each other + Elain’s feelings for Azriel. Elain’s and Lucien’s plot connects though so at least there’s that, SJM could ship them off on a mission together and make them get closer. Forced proximity sort of thing. 

If gwynriel happens then = we lost the whole plot, ignored the foreshadowing and hints found in the actual book. Mentor to lovers, civil with each other. Azriel has to move on from Elain first though and that could be icky. Healing journey, more Valkyries training. So we pick up from where we left off in acosf, and we’d see Azriel trying to get her to come out of the Library, or he goes to visit her there until she agrees to come out again. Maybe if Gwyn is a lightsinger then idk more training with Azriel? Again, no stakes but Gwyn’s trauma and Azriel’s self doubt oh and also his feelings for Elain. But that’s it, Gwyn as of now does not connect to the overall plot with the troves (she’s not made therefore she can’t use them) or koschei. So I don’t see us making her go on a mission like that. I’ve seen a lot of gwynriles saying Gwyn has spy potential idk where, but she could barely keep a secret for Nesta so I highly doubt she’d be keeping secrets for the IC. 

Ps: the original koschei plot is 3 sisters marrying 3 very powerful wizards and like idk 3 sisters 3 brothers…we can have a retelling ya know 

#elriel #pro elain #azriel shadowsinger #acotar #a court of thorns and roses #Azriel's bonus #anti g*ynriel #anti el*cien #elain archeron #acofas #acosf

[lovelybrooke]

Can we get some thing for a platonic miles, Gwen, Hobie, pavitr and reader just having fun? Like since they're all around the same age, maybe headcanons of what they liek to do with reader. How would they react to someone messing with reader?

Hanging out with you (Yandere Spiderverse x reader).

Depending on whether or not they're hanging out with you individually or all together as a group the dynamic is different. Most of the time, they're hanging out with you together, since it's much easier to just go to HQ than sneak you into their dimension.

It's very common for at least one of them to be with you at all times. Most of the time that's Gwen, since she spends a lot of her time in HQ. Out of all of them, Miguel prefers you hang out with Gwen. She's responsible and he knows you aren't going to get hurt when she's with you. Gwen likes teaching you how to dance or how to play the drums. Honestly, she wants to be a mentor towards you, it gives her a sense of belonging that she desperately craves. The days where she brings Miles with her, she feels most at peace, since she's able to be with two of her favorite people.

Pavitr is also pretty responsible, mostly because he couldn't live with himself if you got hurt on his watch. Unlike Gwen, he isn't afraid to bring you into his dimension, preferring to hang out with you their because he thinks HQ is so boring. Pavitr loves seeing you happy, so he really doesn't care what you want to do as long as you're happy doing it. Also, like Gwen, he tends to hang out with you and Hobie. When he's with Hobie, he gets a little more mischievous and will get you to play pranks on the other spiders.

Miles doesn't come to HQ often, since he's busy with school and his own dimension. He really only comes around when he wants to hang with Gwen. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't want to see you. In fact, he's tried many, many times to get you to enroll in his school to spend more time with him. He really doesn't see a problem with it, since you're around his age and shouldn't be spending all your time at HQ. But he's super intimidated by Miguel, so he doesn't really bring it up. When he's with you, he really just wants to relax, since he doesn't get to do that with being Spiderman and all. He prefers to just listen to music with you and draw, as it helps with his anxiety.

Finally, there's Hobie. Hobie really just does what he wants, so he doesn't see a problem with bringing you to his dimension or hanging out with you whenever he wants. Miguel really doesn't like you hanging with Hobie since he views him as a troublemaker that will tarnish your innocent nature, but that doesn't stop Hobie from showing up at your door randomly and welcoming himself in whenever he pleases. Like I mentioned, he's with Pavitr most of the time, and the three of you will hang out together. Hobie is like an older brother to you, teasing you and playfully annoying you, but never anything that goes too far. Hobie is also the one who can read you the best, so you can't really hide anything from him.

All of them together is kinda chaotic. They work together pretty well, but they can all be pretty demanding of your attention. This can cause a lot of arguments that you mostly just dissociate from until one of them ask you to take a side. Once all the arguments are over, all they really care about it being with you. Sleepovers are very common, which does not amuse Miguel when he comes in to check on you.

If anyone was to mess with you, they wouldn't see the light of day. They really don't appreciate anyone messing with their friends, and that applies to you as well. This isn't even mentioning Miguel, who really, really, doesn't take any offense to you lightly. Either way, even if it's something minor, they are all ready to defend you like your life depended on it.

#yandere x reader #soft yandere #platonic yandere #spider man across the spider verse #platonic yandere spiderverse #platonic spiderverse #yandere spiderverse #yandere spiderman

[milkywayes]

Thinking about Garrus again and how much I appreciate his character, his development, his search for perspective and how it shapes his relationship with Shepard.

He always wants to do the Right Thing, as in Achieve X Positive End Goal, but the way there is so murky to him. So tough to navigate, to visualize. He likes when it's clear and when it's simple, but it simply never fucking is, so he has to Think It Through. And he simply cannot trust anyone else to do the thinking for him. He can't trust them to value the Right Thing as much as he does. He can't trust them to want it as badly.

and then, ENTER SHEPARD STAGE LEFT, and finally he finds someone that he can trust. With all of it. He can Tell she wants it just as badly, but the difference is, she seems to also have an idea of how to get there.

I've seen people complain that he has no backbone and just agrees with whatever Shepard says, and it's like… they don't get it. He needs someone in his life who he can trust to think things through with him, to meet him where he's at and to engage in good faith. She is the Only person he would ever cede to, the only authority he'll accept, because she has proven herself to care just as much as he cares.

(As a side note, that's also how I view his infamous elevator talks. He's not approaching these conversations closed-mindedly even if his word choice is often lacking or people take offense to his straight-forwardness. As I said, the path is murky for him. He's asking because he genuinely wants to know. He's practically desperate for another point of view. He wants to understand.)

He's the only character who constantly asks Shepard for her opinion on things, on morality issues and approaches and how she'd navigate all the little pitfalls that line the road to Justice. And over the games he recognizes that even this lofty end goal is anything but simple, and it's shaped by how they get there. He doesn't talk these things through with her just to follow her direction like a soldier following orders. Him accepting her response, no matter what it is, is him respecting her so much and believing so much in her true desire for achieving Justice - it's not blanket agreeing with her.

This happens so often in ME3: he'll ask, and she'll respond, and he will accept her answer without judgement, but you never hear him say "you're so right, o my moral compass". He's just mapping the path that's ahead, and he takes her opinion as much into account as his own, but that doesn't mean that he doesn't have his own or that it always aligns with hers. He wants the full picture, and at that point, he is humble enough to know that his opinion is subjective, so he needs more points of view and more intel, and there is none that he values more than Shepard's.

But it's not all for himself. They're both stuck in the same, horrible situation. He's asking her, and in turn she has to think about it and really consider all the pitfalls he's already identified but isn't sure how to approach. He's a safe sounding board for her. They think it through together, her as this unstoppable force towards the Right Thing, him as the one in the sniper's perch who sights the path ahead and calls out to her when there's a wall before she can run head-first into it. In the end, they're two people united in their striving for the same thing, two halves of a well-oiled machine. No Shepard without Vakarian.

#mass effect #garrus vakarian #this applies in literally any context romance or no romance #but i'll tag it anyway #shakarian #fuck I'm just so obsessed with him. #so many people completely misunderstand where he's coming from #and it's a little sad but it's okay because at least Shepard gets it #she always gets him #who's mshep never heard of him btw #milky.txt

[ladystoneboobs]

ya ever think about how the lannister sibs all have big secrets kept from each other, like huge life-altering experiences? jaime's is the most obvious, the most talked-about, with the full story of his kingslaying and everything he endured from aerys leading up to it. it's clear enough to me that brienne was the first he opened up to about that, including either sibling. they never asked, but unlike ned stark and the rest deriding him as kingslayer, their lack of curiosity is no offense in itself bc as tywin's other children they would never judge him for turning his cloak purely out of family loyalty. ned's assumption of jaime's motives is directly tied to his judgment of jaime, but it's the judgment that rankles jaime so. choosing your father's life over a king's is hardly the worst crime in itself. how can he explain all the other reasons without prompting when its not just about his crime but all his trauma too? is there any basis for that in his relationship with cersei, who always relied on him for comfort and consolation but seems less adept at providing the same to him? or even with tyrion, his only real male friend for years, but also his baby brother, the one he was meant to protect and take care of, who was only 10 at the time of the kingslaying? even to fully share all with tyrion years later, both adults, could be something of a role reversal, forever shattering tyrion's image of him as the strong invulnerable golden big brother by revealing his own broken inner child. jaime can't break out from those sibling roles and patterns, so neither can ever understand that part of him, never knowing the early life he had at court without either of them with him.

and tyrion, who trusted jaime more than anyone in the world before learning the truth about tysha, still could not confide in him freely even when all that trust was still intact. jaime must have heard some story of what tywin did to tysha to feel the need to confess his lie, but he def didn't hear it straight from tyrion bc imo there's no way he could still think confessing would help anything if he understood how scarred tyrion was by what he witnessed and esp not knowing that tywin ordered him to participate at the end. tyrion could reveal all that to bronn when they barely knew each other but not to his beloved brother, his first and best friend. how can the most abused child explain all his unknown abuse to the golden child, the big brother meant to protect him who couldn't always do so? how does he even begin to reveal the deepest trauma that happened to him when jaime wasn't in the room, esp when the story does start with jaime apparently trying to help him by fixing him up with tysha?

and then there's cersei and all her secrets. she always turned to jaime for consolation, or at least when he knew she needed it, but how many times did he not know? how personally could she confide in him as they grew older and their paths diverged? we know the first big secret was maggy the frog's prophecy, her first big scare, which came on the cusp of puberty, an experience she couldn't share with her twin bc he would prob just laugh and make a joke of it. in their first real scene together, in bran's pov, he mocks lysa's motherly fears and likens her to cersei. ("I think birthing does something to your minds. You are all mad." He laughed.) then he makes light of her marital discord, ("And whose fault is that, sweet sister?"), having no idea of the depth of pain she'd suffered from robert, beyond his infidelities. he later blames her for being robert's queen, not his, only thinking of how she managed to arrange his kg post, that power to forever tie him to her in secret, never grasping her lack of control in marriage, that "a queen is only a woman after all". in her pride it was hard to reveal all she'd suffered as a woman, but she also couldn't rely on jaime's response if he knew of her abuse, knowing he would kill robert and get himself killed too, only making her and their children's lives more precarious. she couldn't trust him to listen about securing the throne before dealing with robert or that as robert's victim it was her right to decide such matters, to choose his fate, not jaime's place to avenge her without her say-so first. all bc they were both too stuck in their idea of jaime as her sword, nothing more, with jaime determined to protect her and tyrion, always a bodyguard before he ever donned a white cloak.

something something tywin did his best to play his children off each other and the most effective thing he did to divide them was by setting jaime up as the golden child and family protector. the designated lannister sword only pointing at threats outside their house. a knight serving his family whose protection was always limited, who could never protect them from the person who first hurt cersei and tyrion and made them who they were at a distance from him, bc ofc he couldn't fight his own father, much less slay him with a sword.

something something maybe the reason that joff+marg+loras was a surer recipe for kingslayer stew than robert+cersei+jaime is all down to that tyrell lack of abusive structure. not that loras cared more about marg, was more willing to kill for her than jaime was to kill robert, but that there wasn't a chance of marg hiding her misery from him if/when her husband abused her in their shared household. it's not like he understood her to the point of mind-reading but when their previous royal marital household involved her bearding for his boyfriend then they prob had a pretty good basis of open communication. in that sense, the lannicest twins with all their sexual and physical intimacy still had less emotional intimacy than the tyrell queen and her kg brother.

#valyrianscrolls #asoiaf meta #jaime lannister #tyrion lannister #cersei lannister #tywin lannister #asoiaf #pride of lions #happy murderous meowmeow monday #who else would save him if not his brother? #golden days and silver nights #margaery tyrell #loras tyrell #some roses have steel thorns #(c)lsb #like i have seen someone wonder if jaime held it against his sibs for not asking more about the kingslaying #when tyrion was literally 10yso may as well ask why the starklings didnt ask ned abt the rebellion and lyanna's death #when your older war vet relative doesnt volunteer info you try not to pry #and we need to talk more abt all jam didnt know abt cers besides her post-robert affairs

[dangerouslyknown]

Hi! Please do headcanons for gojo like you did Higuruma x

Satoru Gojo Headcanons 💎

A/N: Thanks for the request! My JJK obsession is hitting like a truck. I hope I delivered these Gojo headcanons well, mwah

Contents/Warnings: General headcanons, relationship headcanons both SFW & NSFW. Reader/partner is referred as "his S/O" or by they/them so gn!reader

General Headcanons

He used to play Moviestarplanet. He was sooo popular too. He had lots of friends and he made the silliest movies/artbooks which people loved

He likes to sing and usually he sings whatever is stuck in his head on random occasions, without really trying to sound good

...but oh boy if you ever get the chance to do actual karaoke with him... He sings beautifully when he puts the effort in. What a gorgeous voice, it almost surprises everyone

He goes crazy about Lady Gaga's songs and he loves to do silly little performances whenever he hears any of her songs

Gojo is also a Swiftie???

Somehow I feel like he is TERRIBLE when it comes to spending money. He hasn't had a day in his life where he had to worry about financial stuff, so...

He's the type of guy buy an expensive ice cream machine, then accidentally break it and buy a new one like it's nothing

He used to troll people online as a teen...

Actually, he probably still does it for the heck of it. He isn't one to do anything super offensive, but he enjoys messing with people

SFW Relationship headcanons

He hasn´t been in many relationships in his life, mostly because he rarely lets anyone close. Bro has trust issues :(

He dislikes being vulnerable in front of others, but his S/O is who he shows his true self. It is not something to take lightly

He KNOWS he is attractive and it flatters his ego when he is complimented on it, but if one wants to win his heart, you need to go deeper than that. He wants a person who truly appreciates him beyond looks

His love language is gift giving. He will gift his S/O anything they desire, and it´s his way of showing he cares. He gets excited like a kid in a candy store when he brings his S/O something and waits for them to open the gift

Most of the time it doesn't even have to be anything expensive. Of course he likes to spoil his S/O, but sometimes he just sees something small, which reminds him of them and he decides to buy it

Then, his unofficial love language is being annoying. He would ask "would you still love me if I was a worm" and whatnot

Related to that, he would act all smug and probably provoke arguments with his S/O just to entertain himself (but he's not malicious about it of course!)

When he sees something romantic, he would say "Ewww, sappy romance stuff" and then do exactly those things in private

He likes to show off with his relationship? Y'know, like posting about it in social media and PDA

This also ties to when he holds great pride in the thought that he's able to protect them no matter what. Maybe he's also a bit jealous and likes to show others that his S/O truly is his, and only his

Looooves to dress in matching clothing with his S/O!

Also, if he'd play online games with his S/O, he'd definitely want to do matching usernames (Sometimes it'd be cringe, but that's a part of why he loves doing it)

(NSFW under the cut)

NSFW Relationship headcanons

Leans towards being more kinky tbh

This man likes to have fun, okay? He is super adventurous in the bedroom. He's always coming up with new ideas for his S/O and him to try, and he usually is the one to initiate

He'd love to bring in ropes, blindfolds, toys of all kind and everything you could think of. He wants to use them on his S/O, but isn't against the idea being toys or ropes used on him either blindfolds wouldn't even work on him though

He´s a fan of playing with the dynamics. The vibes he gives is 50% pillow princess and 50% daddy, so there's never a dull moment when he switches up things with his S/O

He lives for teasing in the bedroom. You are not going to get anything easily from his arrogant ass: If he's a sub, he's going to be a brat. If he's a top, you need to beg him

He is capable of being serious during intimate time, but most of the time there's going to be funny and goofy moments

I could 100% see him doing something like slapping his dick against his S/O's face, then grin. At the same time it's hot but it's also hilarious (in his opinion)

Speaking of his cock, I think it's bigger than average. Length is impressive, then girth is more average-ish

Definitely very vocal during sex. He will not shut up whether it's whimpers or dirty talk

I think he loves to fuck his S/O from behind. He loves to kiss the back of their neck, their shoulders and all over their back while going at it

#jujutsu kaisen headcanons #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #satoru gojo #gojo headcanons #gojo x reader #satoru gojo x reader #gojo imagine #jjk #dangerouslyknown #dangerouslyknownworks #dangerouslyknownrequest #gojo satoru #jjk x reader #jjk headcanons #jjk gojo #jujutsu gojo #Gojo relationship headcanons

[sacredthefran]

Cream & Sugar Pt 8 (1/2)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka + Female Reader 

Warnings: Sugar Daddy, Nothing crazy in this part….that comes in the next two parts. Just some fluffy Jake :) Also, this is a 18+ blog so minors DNI  

Authors Notes: After a mental break here’s the first half part 8 :) I decided to start rewriting it this morning (because i hate myself) but expect the second half to be later tonight or tomorrow. 

Also…Happy Early Birthday Cassie :) Love you so big! 

“He did what?” 

“I know, I’m just as shocked as you.” You tore your eyes away from the clothing rack in front of you to meet Beth’s face scrunched up in question. 

“Huh. Who knew Jake Kiszka could be a romantic.” She moved her head, swaying her blonde hair back and forth in a sassy manner. 

“It was just weird. Like who comes to some random city because their ‘girl’ is on a work trip, steals her away from her boss and then plans a date. I just don’t get it. Feels like a fever dream.” 

“Have you heard from Mr. Koszak since your trip? I know Jake came and whisked you away from him….but I haven’t heard anything from him in the past couple of days. That’s not like him.” 

You could feel your heart starting to thump in your chest, your breath getting caught in your throat, you were positive your cheeks were a bright red under your foundation, your eyes getting wider by the second. Breathe, y/n. Breathe. 

“I…”

You started stuttering, trying to find the right words to say, Jake’s voice popping into your head reminding you of the conversation you had last night before he dropped you off at your apartment ‘Don’t say anything to anyone. I’m serious, ignorance is bliss.”.

“I haven’t heard from him since I gave him my letter of resignation,”

The gasp that left Beth’s mouth made a couple of customers browsing the store look up from the clothing racks to shoot both of you a dirty look. 

“Resignation? You QUIT?”

“People are staring.” You hissed out at her, making quick glances around the store - giving everyone a closed mouth smile to ease the trying to ease the tension forming. 

“Does it look like I care?” She arched her perfectly waxed brow at you - pausing for a moment before continuing. “You quit?” 

Dropping your gaze down to the burgundy sweater you held in your hands, running your fingers up and down the soft fabric, trying to think of the right thing to say to Beth. Besides Landyn, she was your confidant - your go to, your person, the one soul you could tell anything to and there would be no judgment. You felt your chest tightening the more you thought about lying to her. 

“Yes. Roxanne gave me an offer I couldn’t refuse. I-” 

“Roxanne gave you an offer?” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You countered back, starting to take offense to the tone Beth was persistent on giving you. 

“Did she give you the offer or did Jake?” She sneered over at you, flipping casually through the sweaters like she was browsing the morning newspaper. 

Tossing your hair over your shoulder, you gave a loud huff and put the sweater back onto the metal rack. “Is it so hard to believe that Sisterhood Movement would be interested in me? That they would want to take a chance with me? It’s not like I was going anywhere with my career at American Justice.”

“Y/n, I di-”

“You didn’t what? Mean to come off as a dick? Mean to come off as insensitive? Mean to think that I’m not worthy of working for a company that holds the same beliefs that I do? Please, enlighten me.” 

“You know that I didn’t mean it like that. I could have worded it differently…I don’t know how to describe it. I guess it’s jealousy….ever since Jake came into your life, all these good things keep happening. Your career is taking off and you just look happy. I don’t hear from you as often as I used to. Every time I text you to hang out or just to see if you want to go to dinner or something little like that, you’re either on the phone with him or you’ve been hanging out with that one guy…what’s his name?”

“Danny?” You questioned raising your eyebrows. 

“That’s it! And now that you have a new job….I’m not going to see you.” 

“Beth….” You trailed off, shaking your head at her. 

“Don’t say ‘Beth’ in that tone.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Yes you do. It’s the little pity whine that you do when you feel bad for someone.”

“I-”

“No, stop it. Don’t you even dare to think about feeling bad for me.”  Beth turned her head to the side, raising up a singular finger to point at you. 

“I don’t feel bad…I just wish you would’ve told me about how you’re feeling sooner.” 

“And why would I do that?”

“Obviously so we wouldn’t be having this conversation in the middle of a store!” You exclaim moving both hands around, gesturing to the clothes racks surrounding you. 

Beth looked at you like a deer being caught in the headlights of an oncoming car, before she cracked a smirk - letting out a loud laugh. You were sure the people around you had to have thought the two of you were crazy, one moment you two looked like you wanted to rip each others head off to now sharing laughter. 

“I’m really happy for you though. I know it’s your dream to help with women's rights and I let my stupid jealousy cloud my happiness for you.” 

“It’s okay…”

“It’s not, don’t act like it is.” Beth gave you a pointed glare, “Are you hungry? I’m starving.” 

As if it was a perfect stage que, your stomach let out a grumble. 

“Does Jake not pay you enough for you to go grocery shopping? Hmmmm. C’mon, I’ll buy you some pasta.” 

She made her way over to you - wrapping an arm around your shoulder to pull you into a side hug, making sure to squeeze you extra tight. Almost as if it was another way for her to apologize. 

“And maybe a sangria?” You looked up at the blonde haired woman giving her a light chuckle. 

“Babes, I’ll buy you every bottle on the wine list. We have to celebrate your new job after all.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You weren’t sure what time it was when you woke up in the morning, grabbing your phone off your nightstand - squinting your eyes at the bright light. 

Shit. Shit. SHIT. Jake’s going to fucking kill me. 

You rubbed your eyes as you looked at the white numbers displayed on the screen - 9:26. Cursing yourself out mentally for oversleeping, you ripped the fuzzy blanket off of you, stalking over to your closet trying to find the perfect outfit for your first day - knowing that you didn’t have time for it but you needed to look somewhat presentable. It is Roxanne Kepner  afterall. If you were going to piss her off by being late, you might as well look like you put effort into your look. 

Sighing as you rolled your eyes, you flipped through the bright colors now adorning your wardrobe. It was something that Jake had insisted on, he kept assuring you that you needed bold pieces to help you stand out in the courtroom - your muted wardrobe wouldn’t get you noticed as much. The buzzing on your bed pulled you out of your aimlessly flipping. 

Speaking of the devil

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Jake deadpanned into the phone the second you answered. 

“I-”

“You what? There’s no excuse for this. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. I went out of my way to get you this position and you can’t even show up on time?” 

“Ja-”

“No. You don’t even get to speak right now. Roxanne called me and told me that you didn’t show up. I told her that I needed to see you this morning and that I forgot to inform her that you would be running late. I told her you would be there in an hour.”

“Tha-” 

 Pulling the phone away from your ear with a roll of your eyes. Of course he would hang up - deciding not to waste anymore time, you grabbed the first two pieces you saw, silently thanking god that they matched. You didn’t like the idea, but it looked like you would have to go into the office without your hair and makeup done. You already knew that you were starting off on the wrong foot with Roxanne, so you didn’t have time to waste, having to skip all the little details that made you feel confident and ready to take on the day.  

Don’t throw up. Don’t throw up. You kept repeating to yourself as you pulled up to the tall brick building - maybe your stomach was turning because you could only grab an apple this morning or maybe it was turning because you knew that this moment right here determined how your career at Sisterhood Movement would unfold. Taking a deep breath you walked into the lobby, feeling like everyone’s eyes were on you, you weren’t sure if it was because you were the new girl or if it was because word travels fast in the lawyer world and everyone knew you as Jake Kiszka’s new plaything. 

Quietly making your way over to the elevator, you were thrilled to see that it was empty. It didn’t help a lot but it did something to calm your anxiety. You’ll be okay, Jake knows these people, he wouldn’t put you in a bad position…or would he? No, no way he would.

Your thoughts were interrupted as the doors sprung open and there was a short redhead standing on the other side of the elevator doors, beaming at you. 

“Y/n?”

“Yes, that’s me.” Stupid, of course she knows it’s you. “I mean, obviously you know it’s me. I’m just so nervous, sorry about that.” 

“Sweetie, don’t worry about it. Are you planning on coming out of the elevator or are you going to stand there all day?” She softly chuckled. 

“I- sorry.” You rushed out all flustered, raising your hand for the woman to shake but then quickly dropped it when you saw how bad your hand was trembling. 

“Stop apologizing! You’re fine, y/n. I won’t let anyone be mean to you…. I’m Roxanne by the way, but since you’re Jake’s girlfriend, feel free to call me Roxy.” 

With a sharp turn, you watched as Roxanne made her way through the hallways, weaving in between desks. 

“Don’t worry, you’ll know your way around this place soon enough. I sometimes get lost.” She tilted her head, giving you a wink over her shoulder before stopping right at an empty desk across from a brunette haired woman. “Sorry about the cubicle. I promised Jake that I would move you into an office within the next month or so. Just waiting for Sarah to leave.” 

“Oh, I had a cubicle at my old firm, I’m more than happy to stay at one.” You looked at Roxanne with wide eyes - as much as you wanted an office to call your own, the idea of actually having one terrified you. 

“Nonsense, I've read all of your reports and I can tell you’re going to have a bright future here.” Roxy stated as she threw her hair over her shoulder, “Besides, Jake has reassured me that you’re an amazing lawyer. I trust whatever words come out of that young gentleman’s mouth. I’ve actually got to get back to work with Sarah on this domestic-violence case, so I’m trusting that Christina here will show you the ropes.” 

You could feel your anxiety rising back up as she squeezed your shoulder and gave you a gentle pat. Watching in amazement as she whisked away with ballerina feet and was giving out animated ‘Hellos’ to everyone that came across her path. The sound of someone clearing their throat behind you made you turn around at lightning speed - to find the brunette haired woman that was once sitting, now towering over you. 

“Hi!” 

“Hello, I’m y/n by the way.” You gave a small wave. 

“Oh I know. Everyone’s been talking about your arrival.” The lady in front of you wiggled her eyebrows to let you know that she was speaking in a joking manner. “I’m Christina. You can call me ‘Ina.” 

“Ina?” 

“Yeah! Everyone around here calls me that.” 

As you were talking to Christina you could feel all the tension in your chest starting to melt away. Maybe I will fit in here. 

“Oh duh, set your stuff down. Let me be the first to give you the grand tour.” 

After you set your stuff down, you felt yourself being yanked from your current spot by the woman linking her elbow with yours and tugging you along with her. You tried to pay attention to everything she was telling you but you couldn’t help but to be distracted by the way she talked. She was very animated, joyful and loved to use her hands while talking - flailing them around with exaggeration as she pulled you along explaining who your coworkers were. 

“And that’s about it.” Christina came to a stop as you two were standing in the middle of the breakroom - a room where she claimed you would find noone and this was the place to go to when you need a break away from people. 

“Any questions?” 

“I do actually have one.” You bit your lip, wondering if you should be asking anything, but there was this one little thought that kept bouncing in your head and it wouldn’t stop until you asked. 

“Fire away.” 

“So why’s Sarah leaving?” You paused as you watched her brown eyebrows shoot up her forehead - giving the tiniest bit of wrinkles. “I mean…it’s not because of me, right? I know there were some strings pulled to get me in here and I don’t want anyone to think I'm stepping on anyone’s toes, because I swear I'm not. I don’t want to be here if peo-” 

“Let me stop you right there okay? Has anyone ever told you that you ramble too much?”

Christina let out a light chuckle as your cheeks turned a dark red, thinking back to all the times Jake would smile at you, give you a peck and tell you ‘you’re rambling again’ every time you would start to over think. 

“I’ve been told once or twice.” You meekly replied looking down at the floor. 

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed, it’s cute.” If your cheeks weren’t red enough before, they definitely were now. “And no, Sarah’s not leaving because of you starting. She’s pregnant and ready to pop in the next month or so. She has no desire to come back. Something about her wanting to be a stay at home mom.” 

“Oh, okay…”

“Stop worrying, plus, I have some exciting forms for us to fill out .” Christina threw her arms out and wagged her fingers in an excited manner. “Turn that frown upside down, it won’t be that bad.” 

Looping her arm with yours, she directed the two of you back to your cubicles. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Psst. You have a visitor.” 

Ina whispered to you, her brown eyes widening as she looked behind you - following her gaze you found none other than the long haired man that has been occupying your thoughts all day. He gave you a smirk as he met your eyes, keeping his hands in his pockets as we walked towards you. 

Fuck he looks good. 

You could’ve sworn you were drooling as you took in the sight of him. Wearing a dark brown suit with a cream button up, with all but three of the bottom buttons undone. You didn’t care how many people were in this room, you wanted him to bend you over your desk - right now. Clenching your thighs together to try to relieve some of the tension, you knew you were caught as his smirk turned into a grin - his eyes looking you up and down. 

“Hi baby.” Jake placed his hand on the back of your chair, leaning down to meet your lips with his. 

“Hi….what are you doing here?” 

“I can’t visit my girl at work?” 

“You can….just not on the first day.” You widened your eyes and shook your head slightly at Jake, hoping he would get the hint to leave.

“Well, I had to settle some business with Roxy and I explained to her that I needed to take you somewhere.”

“You need to take me somewhere right now? You couldn’t wait for me to get off work in,” You paused to look at the clock on the wall to your right, “two hours?” 

“He said it was urgent, go with him y’n.” Roxanne appeared out of thin air behind Jake - giving you a gentle smile to let you know that it was okay. 

“Roxan-” Trailing off as she shot you a pointed glare, “Roxy, I can’t possibly leave early. It is my first day after all. I still have so much work to do.” 

“Nonsense, Christina can take care of it, right Christina?” 

“Sure.” You turned around to look at Christina just to find her staring at Jake like a deer caught in headlights. 

“I can’t.” Shaking your head as Jake started reaching around you, picking up your purse and starting to place his hand under your elbow. 

“Y/n, everyone’s fine with it. Let’s go.” 

Knowing better than to argue with him when he uses that low register with you, you stood up and nodded to your boss and mouthed ‘thank you’ to Christina as Jake pulled you away. You jumped a little as you felt calloused hands running down your arm to meet your hand and interlocking his fingers with yours. 

“You could at least act like you like me back.” Jake mumbled to you, giving your hand a gentle squeeze as you made your way over to the elevator. 

“Like you? I tolerate you.” You shot back at the man standing beside you - pulling you into the small space of the elevator, gasping as you felt  a sharp sting to your left ass cheek. 

“Watch yourself. After the stunt you pulled this morning? You’re on thin ice.” He whispered into your ear as he grabbed your ass roughly, making you gasp again and fall into him. 

“My stunt?” 

“Yes, showing up to your job late.”

“I would hardly call that a stunt.” 

“You didn’t show up on time to the job that I just so happened to reach my neck out to get you, and you can’t even show your face when you need to or give me a thank you. What would you call that? I’m curious.” Jake spoke with anger, flaring his nostrils at you. 

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” 

Jake didn’t say anything back. Instead, he opted to lead the two of you out of the elevator, through the building and dragging you toward the familiar black Jeep. You’ve only been in it a couple of times, mostly when Jake preferred driving instead of having Taylor chauffeur him around.

“Where are we going?” You questioned Jake as he opened up the passenger side door, pushing you into the seat. “Excuse me, I asked where are we going?” Instead of replying, he reached over to pull the seat belt over you, making sure to hear the click before pulling it tightly against your lap. 

“Ja-” 

“Would it kill you to stop asking questions?” 

“Yes, it would.” You turned your head to be met with his face right by yours, him looking at you with a stone cold expression. 

“Looks like you’ll be dead soon then.” 

Jake gave your thigh a pat before hopping down the car and making his way over to the driver side. As if he knew you were going to ask him where you were going to question him again, he turned the radio up, the sound of Reignwolf blasting through the speakers and filling your ears to the max capacity. Looking over at him, he was wearing those circle sunglasses that you loved, you remember the day he bought them, he facetimed you while he was in the story - wanting to get your opinion. 

It was at least a thirty minute drive before Jake exited off the highway, looking outside of the windows you were in an area you haven’t been in before. Your friends would always call this the ‘rich mall’, where only the people who knew they were able to spend thousands on the drop of a dime would be here. Waiting until the car was in park, you reached over to turn the music off, smiling at Jake as he turned to you with arched eyebrows. 

“Shopping? You’re taking me shopping?” 

“What’s so wrong with that?” 

“You just needed to take me out of work so you could take me shopping?” You blinked your eyes at him several times, not understanding what he was getting at. 

“So you can go shopping with Beth but you can’t go shopping with me?” 

“That’s not what this is about and you know that.” 

“I know it’s kind of last minute…but there’s a work dinner tomorrow night and you’re coming with.” 

“A work dinner?” 

“I didn’t stutter.” Jake tore his eye contact away from you for a second to reach into his glove box to pull out the wallet that he put in there before he started driving. 

“Why do I have to go?”   

“I’m sorry, did you prefer to go with Danny instead?” 

Danny? Your mouth parted open as you processed the question Jake had asked you. 

“Danny? Your friend Danny?”

He didn’t answer you - just gave you a blank stare back. The silence was deafening. 

“What is up with everyone thinking I want Danny?” 

“Who’s everyone?”

“Beth, Landyn, you. I don’t get it.”

“What the hell am I supposed to think when I find out you’ve been texting him and returning his phone calls, while I have to sit for what seems like hours for you to return a single one of mine!” Jake exclaimed, shaking his head almost as if he was trying to calm himself down. 

“Jake..”

“Don’t say it condescendingly. Do not.”

“Jake, I can assure you there’s nothing going on with Danny. I see him as a friend…your friend. He’s just easy to talk to a-”

“And I’m not?” Jake’s face flashed in pain before it quickly disappeared to be covered up by a hard exterior. 

“No….I’m just scared the more I talk to you..the more I’ll get attached.” You whispered out facing the window - not finding it within yourself to look at him as you made your confession. 

“Hey, look at me.” You felt fingers tugging on your jaw, making you move your head to face the softened expression of the man beside you. 

“Thank you for being honest with me… I don’t want you to be scared of getting attached okay? I’m not going anywhere, understand?” Jake paused briefly to search your eyes to make sure you were taking in everything he was saying. “I’ll try to stop letting Danny bother me. I’m a jealous person, I’ve got to work on it. But, I’m trusting your word on this.” 

“Jake… I swear.” 

He leaned forward to give you a soft peck on the lips - pulling away before you had the chance to deepen it. 

“If you’re done being a pain in my ass, I would love to take you in there and spoil you. That sound like something you can deal with?”  

“Okay.” You started giggling as Jake cracked a smile. 

“Good…besides, you can’t meet Mr. Costello in a plain outfit.” 

No fucking way. Your mouth fell open in shock, staring at him wide eyed.

“What?” 

“You’re taking me to a dinner where Mr. Costello the leader of the fucking mob is hosting?” 

Taglist : @heykoonsy @dannythedog @joshkiszkatoothgap @milkgemini @gretavanbear @sacredjake@chmpgnnlace @objectsinspvce @poofyloofy @saaoko @twistedmelodies @cal-a-bungaa @writingcold @sarakay-gvf @gretasmokerising @lunaindigoraven @gvfpal​ @brokenbellsgvf​ @josh-iamyour-mama​ @shesawomaninadream @gretavangroupie @kleogvf @jakekiszkasmommy @jakekiszkabf @jakekiszkapunchmeintheface

@whiterosekiszka @laneygvf

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[ssentimentals]

crushing doubts {boo seungkwan}

pairing: seungkwan x gn!reader

prompt: 'you brought me flowers?' (this work is part of my 1k event, go check out other works of mine here)

warnings: generally none as it is fluff, but reader is very insecure and struggles with self-worth so please be mindful if these themes trigger you!

a loud laugh echoes in the hall and you freeze, unmistakenly recognizing source of this sound. only one person's laughter makes your heart do this stupid fluttery thing that reddens your cheeks and dries out your throat. it's seungkwan, of course. seungkwan is the you had crush on since the very first day of college and seungkwan is also happens to be the very same boy who told you that he likes you three days ago. he also is the boy who you've been steadily avoiding for the past three days. today should have been day number four of your avoidance, but universe obviously does not favor you that much; you knew your luck would run out sooner or later. looking around in source of escape, with growing horror you realize that there's really nowhere to go apart from turning back to your previous class and-

'-our professor almost had a heart attack! i kind of did feel bad though- oh.'

that oh makes you want to shrink up and disappear, but some things are not possible no matter how much you wish for them. you stand frozen on the spot, caught like a deer in highlights and although you're looking at the ground, you can feel seungkwan's eyes on you. don't come close, you beg for him in your mind. please, oh please, don't make a show, just act like i'm not here. it seems like universe does favor you still because seungkwan continues his speech and passes you in a blink, not sparing you a second glance. it takes few seconds for him and dino to pass and you wait for few more just in case before rushing out of that space. stupid, stupid, stupid. guilt and blame battle in yur head as you rush back to your room, not noticing anything around you. see, anxiety is a dirty, dirty liar and you're aware of that. it's just sometimes it's really hard to pull yourself out of those negative thoughts and self-blaming, sometimes it's hard to catch yourself at the moment before spiraling.

once in the safe quarters of your room, you feel tiredness overwhelm you as thoughts come back to seungkwan. you like him, of course. how can you not? how can anyone not? he's sunshine, he's warm and loving and always mindful of others. he is loud, he incredibly entertaining but in a way that is never offensive to someone else. he is handsome also with his baby cheeks and big dark eyes that stare at you with all the care in the world. and above it all, he is kind. oh, he is so kind that you don't udnerstand how so much generosity and empathy can all be placed into a one person. that's why - that's exactly why - you don't understand how someone like him could possibly fall for someone like you. everything about is so painstakingly normal and average, not nearly enough to hold attention of someone like seungkwan. you don't think he played a joke on you when he confessed - no, he's not that cruel, you are sure. but you also can't believe him; if it's not a joke, maybe it's something else? you never really thought much about his actions towards you: seungkwan was as kind and nice to you as he is to everyone else.

why would he say that he likes you then? why would he confess?

you didn't have any explanation for these questions. what could he like? you were never someone popular and never had line of secret admirers behind your back. seungkwan looks like someone who deserves another sunshine of the person standing next to him, but in your head you'll only deem his light. fingers picking at the hem of your oversized hoodie, you think of most memorable interactions of you both together and with a startle you realize that seungkwan always, always went out of his way to make you feel good about yoursef: ('whoa, you are so smart!' seungkwan gushed, staring at your completed exam paper. 'you really are a genius, huh?'

blushing, you shaked your head. 'no, i'm just-'

'you're the first one to finish,' seungkwan interrupted in a flat voice, pointing out obvious. 'you're always first one to finish and you get the best grades. what is it called if not being smart?')

or how he always somehow knew about interactions with your other friends and he'd always point out how you help them out or how highly they speak of you: ('you are very loved,' seungkwan's voice held too much emotion for you to be able to look in his eyes. 'your friends love you a lot.'

warm fuzzy feeling filled your chest and you smiled. 'i love them too.'

seungkwan chuckled at this and you finally dared to look up, willing your heart to start beating so fast. he stared at you with incomprehensible softness and part of you thought he looked almost fond, but another part immediately dispersed that idea. 'good. i'm happy that you're surrounded by people you love and who love you back.')

he always striked conversations with you first and themes varied from latest gossips to the most random facts ever, all to keep you entertained: ('did you know that crocodiles cannot stick their tongue out?' seungkwan seemed to be fascinated by this new knowledge. 'poor guys.'

'why would they need to stick their tongues out?' you wondered out loud, smiling a little as he quickly fell into the step with you, your shoulders bumping at each other a little. 'i don't think you have history next, why are coming with me?'

'to not let you get bored, of course,' seungkwan replied like it's obvious. 'and because i love your company. but also because i just learned that fact and really needed someone to tell.')

you smile at your last memory before biting your lower lip in frustration. because i love your company. could it be true? your company was nothing special. surely not special enough for seungkwan to even consider wasting his time in walking you to your lecture even if that's exactly what he did. groaning at complete misunderstanding of it all, you grab your blanket, throwing yourself at the bed with a huff. when you close your eyes that fateful day from three days ago comes into your mind. (he caught you off guard when you were going back home and you didn't think anything much at first, because seungkwan has that tendency of coming up unexpectedly; but then you started to get worry as he looked nervous. 'is everything okay?' you asked with your heart at your throat. seungkwan never looked nervous and in turn it grated on your own nerves. 'something happened?'

'no-no, everything is fine,' he quickly reassured you and even smiled, staring at you with that same gaze that looked almost fond. 'always caring, aren't you?' before you could comprehend this and somehow answer, he continued: 'i just thought i- i feel like i gotta come clean cause i have this feeling that you're not- like, you're not... getting... the hints, you know?'

you paled at those words. not getting something is one of your biggest fears, not being smart, not being good enough- 'hints?' you asked in a small voice, trying your hardest not to overthink.

'see, this is what i'm talking about,' seungkwan shook his head and dread filled your body. 'i knew you had no idea, boys kept pestering me to just be direct, so here i am.' he took one look at you and sighed. 'even right now you don't get where i'm going with this, don't you?'

you hated bad news. god, you hated them with everything in you and only option was to run. 'i need to go,' you muttered, trying to come up with something, but lying never was a strong suit of yours. 'um, i gotta-'

'i like you.')

your eyes shot open at the sound of the knock. a tentative one at first, but then more firm. sick feeling at the pit of your stomach increased as your gut whispers who exactly is standing behind that door. you can pretend to be asleep. that's what you were going to do anyway, right? so it wouldn't be a lie. seungkwan calls out your name from the other side of the door and you sit up, shocked. why he's not on the lecture now? did something happen? before you can even process those thoughts you're up and opening the door, staring at seungkwan with worried eyes, looking him all over. physically he seems to be fine, but his face carries such a grim expression that you step back on instinct. 'can i come in?' he asks in a quite voice.

'sure,' you move automatically, closing the door behind him with trembling fingers.

god, he is here to confront you, isn't he? confrontation is something you always managed to avoid but it looks like there's no escaping this one now. seungkwan doesn't look angry, so you hope for the best. 'i came to apologize.'

these words make all the mindless and negative thoughts inside your head come to a halt. apologize? 'for what?' you ask, sincerely confused.

'i think i made you really uncomfortable with my whole 'i like you' thing,' he says, looking serious and dejected. 'that was not my intention.'

that's when you notice them. beautiful, white and green. seungkwan held flowers behind his back, hiding them like little kids do. it's an adorable sight, it swells your heart until it grows too big for your chest. your silence doesn't deter seungkwan as he goes on: 'i won't take my words back, i do like you. but i am sorry if i were too direct.'

ball's on your side and it'd be really good to say something right now. weirdly enough all thoughts - even the negative and mean ones, the ones that tear you down and make you feel worthless - fly out of your head and you can't concentrate on anything apart from those flowers. you were pretty sure that they were for you and just- no one ever gifted you flowers before. never. the urge to receive them, to hold them in your hands is so strong, it makes you blink and look up at seungkwan, only one question falling from your lips: 'you brought me flowers?'

seungkwan chokes on his words and wordlessly nods, quickly handing them to you. with awe and feeling like you're accepting something very important and big, you take the flowers from his hands, pulling them closer. they smell like spring rain, like the butterflies in your stomach, like all your hopes growing big. flower stems itch between your fingers but you don't mind it at all. 'i- these are not like 'i'm sorry' flowers, by the way. these are more 'i appreciate you' flowers.' you turn to seungkwan in surprise and he fumbles with words, getting shy. 'does that make sense? i mean, i'm not giving them to you so you'd forgive them, i wanted to give you flowers cause...'

he drifts off but you know what he wanted to say. cause it looks like you've never been given them before. and that would be the truth. you almost say it for him when he adds: 'cause i just wanted to. you do so much, you help me so much and i wanted to let you know that i appreciate it. i thought flowers would be good but now..' he scratches back of his neck unsurely. 'now it seems like a bad idea.'

you shake your head, unable to hide your smile. cause i just wanted to. what if... what if there's a tiny, super tiny chance that all of your thoughts shouting at you and calling you unworthy for him are not true? what if universe favors you, what if you are her favorite and she sent seungkwan for you specifically? 'you like me,' you say, not question. seungkwan looks surprised but nods nonetheless. and nods so confidently that your doubts start to crumble. 'why?'

it's not a question to get praise for an answer. you're not fishing for compliments and seungkwan knows it. he smiles, shaking your head. 'you are so attentive to everyone else but so blind for your own self, it actually is concerning,' he mutters quietly but you still hear him. seungkwan takes a breath: 'i like you because you are caring, and smart, and kind. and you always help me and others, and i don't know, you are funny and did i say kind already?'

this feels like a dream. you listen to him and he lists those things that are not about you, they can't be about you - it's more like seungkwan is describing himself. but he is not cruel, you remind yourself, and he is not a liar. seungkwan really does mean it all about you and your heart might burst from all the emotions.

'and i don't want to seem shallow and sound like i'm looking only at physicality, but i mean, appereance one you're reaaally easy on the eye-' he suddenly stops, alert. '- is everything okay?'

there's moisture on your cheeks and with a loud squeak you realize that you're crying. hurrying up to wipe the tears, you press flowers right up your face and their smell invades your nose. spring rain. butterflies in your stomach. hope. seungkwan looks mildly terrified and you take a steadying breath, trying to calm down. it's shameful to start crying from that but tears actually felt good. 'i was not lying,' he suddenly says, stepping closer. 'but i can stop if it's too much.'

seungkwan's so considerate that it makes your heart ache. 'i know you weren't lying,' you say just to put him at ease. 'sorry that i got so emotional-'

'no, don't apologize,' he interrupts, carefully reaching out to wipe few tears himself. 'you're feeling okay?'

you listen to yourself intently: are you okay? there's no war of anxiety vs logic happening inside, so you're experiencing any stress. it's actually rather rare for you to feel as peaceful as you do right now. 'i'm fine,' you hear yourself say and it's true. and then, making eye contact with seungkwan, you say in an unexpected wave of bravery: 'thank you. for flowers and those words. no one... no one ever said anything like this before. or gave me flowers.'

seungkwan's face is carefully blank but before you still noticed spark of surprise and bewilderment as if notion of no one giving you flowers or telling you these words seemed incomprehensible to him. 'i...' he starts, carefully eyeing you. 'i can help you like you help me.'

'help me with what?' you ask quietly already knowing the answer.

'to be kinder to yourself,' he responds. 'you'll see yourself through my eyes and that image will crush all the doubts you have in your head about yourself.'

maybe universe loves you in reality. because how else can you explain seungkwan's existence in your life? feeling this kind of peace is so rare for you and you crave that feeling all the time. what if seeing yourself from his eyes is exactly what you need?

'okay,' you breathe out before you can change your mind.

seungkwan lights up and nods. 'okay,' he agrees readily.

maybe seungkwan came right at the moment when you needed him the most. came with flowers that smell like spring rain, and butterflies in the stomach, and hope.

a/n: i wrote this down in one sitting and i'm sorry if this got too sad, but i hope by the end of it all of you are smiling. thank you for reading this! - nini

tagging @prpldahy

#seventeen imagine #seventeen fluff #seventeen reaction #seungkwan #seventeen seungkwan #boo seungkwan #seventeen boo seungkwan #svt seungkwan #seventeen #seventeen fic #seungkwan x reader #seungkwan scenarios #seungkwan au #you all deserve someone like seungkwan in your life!!! #this is not proof read by the way sorry for the mistakes

[judasgot-it]

Headcannons: What kind of lover are they? (Sigma, Mushitaro)

Continuing this series a little cause these characters get NO love and they're among my favs.

SIGMA

He's the type of guy to spoil his lover rotten since he really dreams of a TV style romance. It's borderline silly sometimes, but his person would be someone who would be as cool as he is - possibly cooler. No amount of money can buy the easy style and fashion that him and his lover have.

He'd be the BEST omg

Type of guy to send his lover money and be like "buy yourself something nice" and it's like 2k

This man spoils but he also has the mindset of looking rich and being rich cause he doesn't wanna be poor

He smells better than handmade leather

He probably expects his lover to look good enough to walk around the casino though so he does have high expectations - he's a career guy. Also he cares about that place a lot (before you know....)

Although he's the type to be like "you don't want me...I've killed people" stfu bro you're favorite food is cookies

He's like a killer Teddy bear compared to the rest of the BSD cast tbh

He'd be a sweetheart but he needs praise and 100% if he has a lover they're in on all of his life drama too

You probably know more about him than he does himself lol

Will try to protect you from anyone he knows is weird and a killer - dazai, fyodor, nikolai, even the hunting dogs (he has serious beef)

Honestly he'd be a great BF but you'd need to carry a gun on you 24/7 or something so sigma feels better with him not around

He is probably needs security the most out of anyone

MUSHITARO

Certified loser, this guy really just wants people he can depend on and won't betray him considering his past. He'd never cheat, he just wants to enjoy the day to day with his lover even if he seems like a sour apple all the time.

He's a fucking loser (no offense, just a fact. The washing machine manual did it for me) so this guy is guaranteed not to cheat tbh

Like. He has 2 friends if you count ranpo and poe and maybe anyone associated with the detective agency. And none of them are touching his weird astrology obsessed ass (I love him)

This guy would date someone and is loyal be default, plus if he opened up then like. Bro idk how he's moving on from that

Marriage. Point blank. He wouldn't move on from a breakup at all

Also as depressed as he is ik he'd probably enjoy day to day life instead of focusing on the long term anymore. You can't be assured of the future, so he'd always go get whatever sweet treat you want

Honestly he'd be an amazing bf tho like this man APPRECIATES the people in his life

If you're in. You're IN

He'd be chill about it like. Probably would do a whole lot of stuff like sight seeing and all of that. Maybe he'd be sour about it, but he'd enjoy being forced outside of his shell

Inside he's a sweetheart and would think about his lover a LOT

Probably gets them their favorite snacks on his day to day

Cries during sex tho he can't help it

#anyway happy new years #im writing fanfic on new years yea im a degenerate #anyway #where are the mushitaro fans hes literally one of my favs??? #do i have to pick up the mantel once again #i will write fanfic for him....if i must #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x y/n #bsd #bungo stray dogs #mushitaro x reader #mushitaro x you #sigma x you #sigma x reader

[mrs-monaghan]

Hello Shaz

I would love to hear your opinion on 3D and all the talk around it

My thoughts on the talk around it is; "wow, well this is a load of garbage" (no offence to any friends I may have who don't like the song I just disagree that its a terrible song)

Alright. 3D. Let's talk. My thoughts. First, what's with the fucking homeless trousers??

I hate rich people 😭😭😭😭 if I wear this people will wonder why I didn't go back home to change after I fell in mud 😪

Anyhu, before i even say a thing. We should probably all try to remember that JK said this

(Thanks @chicknbunny13)

Yeah sure, even if he doesn't write a song, he may resonate with it. But not everything he does is a reflection of his actual life. This one, is for the Jikook antis btw. This is why my anons are still off. People, I dont have the energy for antis rn. JK sang 'girl' so what? This topic is super old and tired and consider it officially retired from this blog. I'm sooooo over it 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Now that we have that out of the way let's tackle the fact that our JK is a grown, grown adult. I don't need to bring back the live where he told people he's an adult and he is almost 30 and he will do what he wants to do. And if he wants to sing about this, that's exactly what he will sing about.

Oh my,

Even Jimin knows all about it

Tweet

BAHAHAAHAHAHA!!!

Let is be known i am choosing to take that sentence literally. I think JK just means him, the girl, with champagne and confetti. I really don't think it means anything else here. But, seeing as this is another sex song, I won't put it past him.

Anyone else notice a recurring theme here?

Okay then. 😳

Also shout out to this random kid with the horse

I can't be the only one who has no clue what his point was 😂😂😂

While we are on the champagne topic,

I mean....

Make no mistake, SEVEN and 3D are singing about the same thing. If SEVEN was in your face, 3D is subtle. But they are both just talking about sex here. Which is why it doesn't make sense to me why people are so upset??? As a person who likes Harlow and has heard his songs before, this did not shock me one bit. There is nothing wrong with this song. It is meaningless and shallow but guess what, thats the type of music the GP is listening to rn. I understand why Asians have an issue with this line

And I can respect that. I don't have to understand it, but if Asians say its offensive, then its offensive. In which case I think that's just ignorance on Harlow's part. The people behind the song and JK himself are not going to okay something degrading. So it is of my opinion that people are reading too much, way too much into something that aint even meant to be deep.

It's a song, about sex. The only thing deep about it, is the holes that will be getting penetrated.

This song doesn't require to be analysed. Okay, maybe when trying to decipher the analogies being used but that's it. JK has one agenda and one agenda only; release music that the general public will devour, get his name out there and be a huge pop star. And it is working.

Cue Boracity's new video about each member and who their target audience are for each solo project

JK did not write these songs. If he did I'm sure they would have more meaning. But that's not what he's aiming for rn. Right now the man just wants to put out something that he knows will sell. Wants to put out something that will be a hit. And 3D is exactly that. Just like SEVEN. Mans was asked for the meaning of the song and by his answer, I'm not sure even he knows.

What??

Did anyone understand that???? If you did, break it down for me coz I did NOT understand that 😂😂

This song has no meaning. Its shallow, catchy, easy to remember and move to. Enough with trying to complicate shit! It ain't that deep. Period.

JK cared more about the choreo.

While Jack is calling himself a whore for wanting 4 women, JK is busy dancing throughout. So I will listen to JK and enjoy the song and choreo. Because there is nothing in the lyrics and there was never intended to be.

Idk why y'all mad when we stan a consent king:

Personally I dont have time to be angry because 1) i see no reason to be, and 2) i am too busy admiring JK's body proportions 🤤🤤

Damn, Jimin's man is hot!!!!! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

#jungkook thirst trap #3d jungkook #3d jk #jungkook 3d #ask shaz #bts ask #jungkook #jeon j #bts #jikook #kookmin

[lotus222]

Okay.

I only meant to make one SJM post cause Ik how certain girls like to tussle

But since the gwynriels and elucians decided to mess w me EVEN THO I SAID TO LOOK AWAY IF YOU GET EASILY TRIGGERED…

There is only one thing to do:

Talk more about why Elriel is not based in delusion — unlike some ships (not naming names, if you take offense that’s your mind questioning things)

Again, I am giving my PERSONAL OPINION. I even said at the end of my last post that I am not the author and I will love & respect whatever SJM does, which some of y’all can’t echo. That’s sad. This is a fictional world.

DISCLAIMER: if you’re easily triggered by elriel/elucian/gwynriel…l o o k a w a y

DISCLAIMER#2: I am unapologetic cause this is my page :)

Also, stop hitting my line with the “I wasn’t going to respond to this but…” or “you’re so anti…” like 1, if you weren’t going to respond, then don’t. It’s not that serious where the world is BEGGING for your opinion. And 2, I’m not anti anything, I’m pro-logic, again if that offends you then that’s a convo for you and you not you and me.

Now onto the main event…

Azriel

My mans is being dragged through the mud both in the books and online. We say we “love him” but are ignoring what he wants and babes, that’s Elain. If you don’t like her personally, that’s not how Az is feeling, that’s how YOURE feeling. Gwyn has one chapter (+1 sentence) of where I can even attempt to grasp at what Gwynriel’s quote as bible, but again, AZ AND ELAIN HAVE 3 BOOKS. Y’all are acting like Rhys in Az’s bonus chapter and if Rhys couldn’t make his stance acceptable, y’all definitely can’t.

Elain

Again, I say, if you do not like the lady pictured above, stop reading ACOTAR cause she ain’t going anywhere. To be so for real, I didn’t mind Elain at first, meaning I didn’t care whether or not she was included in any story whatsoever. But as I read ACOWAR and ACOFAS, I started realizing that there’s something so lovely about having a character who is innately good and wants/practices peace in a world of animosity and ugliness. She brings beauty in all areas of her life and I think that there’s nothing bad about being “boring” cause that just means your life ain’t a dang mess (*cough* *cough* everybody else in this book)

So here is where I debunk all the claims I have grown tired of ignoring:

• #1 - “He hadn’t gotten that far into his planning beyond the fantasies he’s pleasured himself to.”

(Picture credit: unknown) Get a good look cause that’s what he’s doing at night when he thinks about ELAIN. (It’s canon, so cry to yourself)

So, y’all really think you got us here, huh? So, my man Azriel blatantly admits to thinking of Elain when he wants to be intimate and y’all STILL want your girl to be with this man?

Ugh

Anyway, so Azriel hadn’t planned a relationship with Elain…OKAY???? Did you expect this man to have a map laid out about how he’s going to steal Lucien’s mate??? Do y’all even know Azriel? Like, be so for real rn.

Idk about y’all but when I have a crush on someone, I’m not thinking about how to steal them from the rest of the world, I’m imagining kissing them or going on cute dates. Not how I’ll actually make it happen. And ik y’all do that too with your favorite celebrities so stop playing.

He has a crush. Can you let the man figure out if Elain even wants him to act on it before he plans a 12-step mission on making Lucien disappear forever?

Azriel doesn’t want to force his emotions on anyone (as seen with Mor) so of course he’s not going to act or plot without confirmation that the other person in the party wants that. I.E. why he hadnt tried anything with Mor in all the CENTURIES that he liked her.

So, yeah, consider that point invalid.

• #2 - Lucien is Elain’s mate

(PC: @shauna_the_author) *sigh* This one cannot be dubunked, unfortunately, because it is true. You got me here.

BUT

Elain is more likely to marry Nuala and Cerridwen before she spends the rest of her life with Lucien.

And it has nothing to do with Lucien. It really, really doesn’t. Elain simply doesn’t like him. Y’all were in my comments like “oh he didn’t really sell out Elain and Nesta, he didn’t know”. OKAY. But Elain literally says in ACOWAR that she knows Lucien as two things: Feyre’s friend and the MAN WHO SOLD THEM OUT TO HYBERN

Who cares if it isn’t true, that’s what Elain thinks and with her in mind, you can’t say that this bond means anything more to her than Lucien having some ownership of her which she doesn’t like at all. She even tells Graysen that she doesn’t care Lucien is her mate (“I belong to no one, but my heart belongs to you.”)

Whereas with Azriel, my girl is practically skipping into his arms; talking with him about her dream garden, getting him not one but two solstice gifts, almost-kissing him, recoiling at Cassian’s dagger but actively using Azriel’s…

Idk about y’all but if someone who was fated to be with me was acting this way with another girl, I’d drop him like a hot potatoe. AND AS LUCIEN SHOULD. He deserves someone who wants him, not someone who, as even Lucien said in ACOWAR when he was questioning if Elain was “worth it”, is shackled to him.

I harbor no ill will toward this dreamy man, but it ain’t gonna happen so do Elain a favor and lose her number, k?

• #3 - Sarah wouldn’t do the 3 brothers with 3 sisters, it’s too cliche

Write your own book then. Fan fiction is a thing. If the ONLY thing preventing you to see reason is the possibility of a cliche in a book about kingdoms and fairies and magic then your priorities are so out of shape I won’t even spend the time explaining it to you.

This is SARAH’s WORLD. If she wants to be cliche and have the three female protagonists end up with the three male protagonists then let her. Omg.

• #4 - That Gwynriel scene tho

(NOTE THE PICTURE) Oh, you mean the bonus chapter that featured thoughts about Elain? Not that one? Oh, then maybe you mean the other bonus chapter that featured thoughts about Elain? No? You mean the scene with Gwyn…hmmm

OH! You mean the 2 page conversation about training and why he couldn’t sleep (cause of Elain) and the subsequent regift of Elain’s present to Gwyn. Yeah, I know about that but why are we talking about it? Cause that means Az likes Gwyn? Huh?

That’s how delulu y’all sound. And if I hear another “you’re the ribbon Az”, one more time I’ll scream. THE RIBBON WAS ABOUT TRAINING NOT GWYN WANTING TO SLEEP WITH THE MAN. We are talking about the same girl who hadn’t left a library in god knows how long because of a sexual trauma and y’all are forcing her onto another man??

Gwyn was focused on coming into herself and mastering the ways of the Valkyrie. Nesta meant Gwyn found another obstacle in Az that she would have to overcome to become a Valkyrie. The only man Gwyn was concerned about was Cassian and that’s cause he was getting it on with Nesta. Again, be so for real right now.

I refuse to acknowledge this point until the opposing ships acknowledge the 3 books (+ ACOFAS) of build up between Elain and Azriel.

• #5 - Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court

This is the last point I’ll mention cause I actually feel bad for dogging the Gwynriels like this, but it had to be done. (Elucians get a pass bc at least their ship is based in evidence)

Elain doesn’t belong in the Night Court, okay, yeah Cassian said that the colors drown her out, I’ll give you that.

But Elain doesn’t know where she belongs anymore, just like Azriel has said about himself. She’s still figuring herself out and what she wants, so it’s okay she looks odd at times or feels at times out of place. Azriel keeps his shadows out 24/7 for the same reason. He doesn’t let anyone past the front he puts on unless he knows it’s safe to. They’re both figuring out how to live their best lives in their current lives.

I’ve heard Dusk Court theories and others but I won’t even repeat those (even tho they’re so good and you should definitely look into them). They just need to find their place in this world (and Cassian was right, Elain DOES NOT BELONG in the Hewn City).

Just like how Nesta didn’t believe she belonged in the Inner Circle, I believe there’s a place for Elain and Azriel where they can be themselves. They just need to find it I.E. their book.

-

Okay, that’s enough slaying of my enemies for one post. Again, this is just my opinion/theories and at the end of the day I’ll be happy with whatever Mrs. Maas gives us as long as she gives us something.

Act correctly or else I’ll be back.

#elriel #elain archeron #azriel #cassian acotar #lucien vanserra #rhysand #Feyre #feysand #nessian #acofas #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #nesta archeron #sjm #sarah j maas #crescent city #house of sky and breath #house of flame and shadow #bryce quinlan #hunt alathar #tamlin #spring court #night court #sjmaas #book opinions #elain x azriel #elain acotar #a court of thorns and roses

[justgrey]

What if a teen reader ACCIDENTALLY came out to the TF2 mercenaries? "came out" meaning generally queer in sexuality. the teen would be worried and anxious afterward because they don't want the mercs to hate them for it. (this is based on myself as a girl-loving girl but it can be written for any gender)

you ask, you finally receive. Might start cutting requests down. idk, I feel like writing for some reason. Who knows how long that's gonna last, though.

also, REQUESTS ARE OPEN, just be aware that i might not get it out for a long, long time because motivation works weirdly😇

Mercs with a queer reader (PART 1)

Scout, Engineer, Medic

Warnings : fear of being rejected, swearing, a couple of hcs, medic is his own warning

Being queer is hard. And being able to not tell anyone (if you're like me and wanna live comfortably) is hard too.

The way they find out is if you got really cosy with them, and I'm talking being invited to Engie's barbecues, Spy letting you smoke one of his fancy ass cigars, and Scout tossing balls to you and acting like an older brother towards you kind of cosy.

So, one day, you accidentally let it slip during a conversation at dinner, having gotten way too comfortable.

Everyone except Medic and Spy was there, choosing to skip to do "work" instead. Your words quieted the whole damn room.

Whatever you did next is up to you. Whether you took it on proudly and kept eating or walked off to your bedroom to cry, up to you.

Reactions

Scout

Scout's unfamiliar with queer people. He didn't know any, and he wasn't taught anything about them.

He is especially unfamiliar with queer men. If you are a queer man, he'd be asking you all the time when he first finds out:

"How don't you find her hot? Or her? Do you find 'dat asshole, Spy hot? Is 'dat how dis works???"

Not with the intention of being slightly offensive, though. Just curious because he kind of struggles to wrap his head around the fact you're queer.

He always had a feeling that you weren't straight as a line, though. He hung around you a lot, even if you were annoyed by him, because he kind of wanted to finally be an older brother because he's always been the youngest.

So this is all a learning experience for him.

He'd definitely stay quiet for a little while, scaring you, before he randomly approaches you the next day.

"So... you like, what... in ta' ladies/dudes?"

(If you like girls, he'd definitely be the guy to say, "Holy shit, me too!" As a way to bond)

"Yeah."

"That's cool... that's cool... wanna talk about it more, or do you wanna go play ball?"

"Play ball."

"Let's go play ball, 'den."

Nothing changes about your relationship. Although he does occasionally ask if someone is your type or not, wanting to learn more about you. But in the end, as long as you still wanna hang around with him, he'll be chill.

Engineer

Unlike Scout, he is educated in queer people. He knows a couple, and he thinks they're pretty cool. Medic is also out to him because he's definitely gay (and trans because I like it that way)

Absolutely nothing changes with Engineer. He doesn't treat you any different or ask you any questions, just continues as normal, but encourages you to talk to him about things because he's definitely experienced it himself.

"You know, you could'a told me that earlier. I wouldn't have judged ya'. I've roamed around that area myself a little too."

"YOU WHAT?!?"

He just likes to get out there and try random shit. He looks like a boring guy, but he's way deeper than the southern merc on the surface.

Just talk to him :(

Medic

He wasn't there when you accidentally came out. He was finishing up an experiment on some organs.

When someone does tell him about it, though, he can't care less because he's queer too.

He also transed his gender. It's not my problem, it's yours now.

Definitely did his own top surgery ngl. Madman. Also discovered how to extract testosterone from sources and synthetically make it. Officially, a pioneer in trans healthcare. Hit him up if you want sum.

He treats you normally because he really doesn't give a fuck. He basically comes out to you as well, though:

"So you don't care."

"Nope."

"Why...?"

"What do you think Heavy and I do while we are working together... and the rest of you are eating?"

"..."

"Wait a minute... wait a... oh."

"Ja."

"HOW ARE STILL ALIVE?! 😭"

Definitely in love with his unofficial soul mate, the Heavy weapons guy.

I'm gonna do parts to this, actually. I'll make a part 2 and a part 3 another day that is even more random. I just need a break cause this is just a little bit lengthy. Ty got reading and sorry if it isn't exactly what you wanted 💀. I focused it a lot on the mercs instead of readers' anxiety.

Also, if you don't agree with my medic hcs, lol, fair enough 🥺

#tf2 #team fortress two #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 and reader #tf2 x reader #team fortress two x reader #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 engineer #platonic #platonic x reader #platonic tf2 #queer #gay #transgender #lesbian #bisexual #trans medic #gay tf2

[buckybarnesss]

Even the framing of that shot fucking kills me: the nogitsune confidently staring at Chris, almost amused, and then Derek comes into frame and he's visibly frightened

And he's not looking at Stiles. He's scared of what Chris is going to do TO Stiles. This is really his biggest fear, what he's been worried about this entire time. And what can he do??

the whole thing is just a masterful stroke on the nogitstune's part. it's torturing everyone in that scene including stiles.

like, of course it's obvious how these events hurt the sheriff. that's his child being tortured by an ancient creature and forced to do terrible, terrible things and also who is clearly becoming more like a walking corpse every minute. it used claudia's illness against both him and stiles to make them lose hope. how he maintained any composure i don't know. i'd be a fucking wreck of a human seeing my loved one worn like an ill fitting suit to prom.

for chris? this is a guy who we've seen intimidate teenagers for no real reason other than because he can. he's held scott at gunpoint for daring to be with allison and nothing else but he hesitates here. he hesitates despite hedging with derek earlier about what he would do.

this moment such an inverse to season 1 going all the way back to that confrontation in code breaker between chris and stiles.

i can guarantee chris was recalling it.

argent: let me ask you a question, stiles... have you ever seen a rabid dog? stiles: no. i could put it on my to-do list, if you just let me go. argent: well, i have. and the only thing i've ever been able to compare it to is seeing a friend of mine turn on a full moon. do you wanna know what happened? stiles: not really... no offense to your storytelling skills... argent: he tried to kill me, and i was forced to put a bullet in his head. the whole while that he lay there dying, he was still trying to claw his way toward me, still trying to kill me, like it was the most important thing he could do with his last breath. can you imagine that?

and allison? allison's already made the horrible decision of harming boyd and erica that started the dominos that led to erica and boyd being taken by the alphas and erica being killed.

now she's confronted with this monster wearing her friend's face toying with their emotions. she tries to subdue it but all that does is piss the nogitsune off and annoy him.

she's been manipulated by both kate and gerard to see her friends as being enemies when they weren't only to be faced with the reality of it here.

allison wants to save her friends so badly to make up for her mistakes but with this she might not be able to.

derek's position is just heartbreaking. this is really his greatest fear and failures playing out again.

we don't often see derek express fear. he usually expresses anger rather than let anyone know he's afraid but here? here derek is afraid.

3A set up that derek and stiles had become friends, that stiles had been working with him over the summer to look for eric and boyd, that derek trusted stiles so much it broke jennifer's magic over him ---

and the nogitsune brings itself to derek's loft for protection because it knows derek will do anything to protect stiles.

he's already lost so many people. he's had to mercy kill people he cared about before. again stiles is one of the few who know about paige, stiles witnessed what happened with boyd and peter and jackson. he knows all of this about derek which means the nogitsune does too.

i'm not really sure what kind of derek we would've seen if stiles had died due to the nogitsune.

of course the person often lost in the psychological warfare of the nogitune is stiles.

stiles had to watch all this. had to see his knowledge used against the people he cared about over and over. his hands and body used for terrible things. the nogitsune fed off that more than anything. stiles's fear and confusion and pain. stiles was dying.

it's why the nogitsune was the best villain lol

#my blog #thoughts on teen wolf #teen wolf #sterek #otp: you need me to survive