#also now i wont have anyone to talk to irl | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-s1lly-corner · 10 months

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spot that meets a autistic reader, that is talkative to themselves, but has poor social skills because (lack of good parenting + bullys, but is very smart and loves art and engineering, and dreams to be a scientist one day.. it could began as the reader first feared him over an awkward moment? to opening up about themselves and the reader's obsessive fascination over him. two very talented ppl that only wants to be appreciated, respected and loved...💔

idk is it to much?? bruh I'm trying to be creative😭 I'd be happy with whatever happens!. aNd TaKe yO tiME!! On irl things and beloved spotty <3

Spot w/ an autistic reader!

Rubs my autistic little hands

Feeling a lil drowsy but I wanna chuck this out before I fall asleep for (possibly) the next 7 hours :3

Not proof read we die like Peter Parker <\\3 we are sleepy and tumblr wont let me save drafts for asks <\3

Obligatory "I like this character so I'm hcing him to be ND like me" touch

He gets it

Anyways

I think to help make the whole thing less jarring, or whatever, is that you may have known each other vaguely before the collider incident

You weren't a scientist at alchemax, more like.

Well shoot I just forgot the term but like, you work there, but you dont do hands on experiments, not experienced enough yet

Intern?

Maybe, idk

Obviously you don't work there anymore after the collider blowing up, so... you're looking for a new job

You knew about Jonathan, but you weren't friends

You had also heard rumors about what happened to him but you kinda dismissed it as cruel rumors surrounding his death.. I mean no one could've survived that explosion.. right?

So imagine your surprise when you end up almost getting robbed by spot

Can you blame him? He hasnt found another job since the accident and hes probably living off of pity handouts; likely homeless

Now hand over the wallet!!/j

No but on the semi likely chance that you manage to defuse the situation, given Spot sucks as a criminal, you just bluntly ask if the whole

Rumor thing is true

I mean obviously it is but confirmation is important

After a few more chance encounters, you guys both finally decide to properly sit down and talk

Its tense and awkward at first since 1. How does one even act around someone like spot? He's vulnerable but also trying to do the whole. Revenge thing... And 2. Hes desperate for human interaction and it SHOWS, it's almost uncomfortable actually

But you both trudge past it and make it work

One meet up turns into two then three; then you discover how much hes struggling and

Now you're roomates

Oh my god they were roommates/ref

Anyways, that's the set up!! It kinda felt wrong to just. Jump into it without some explanation on how yall end up in the same area consistently

Doesnt mind that you mumble to yourself, he probably does the same thing. From muttering things to keep his train of thought to having a personal monologue, I wholeheartedly believe he does the same thing

Hs understands how it feels to be. Not treated very good, he likely wasnt the most respected in alchemax so it's not uncommon for the two of you to have vent sessions where you both let it all out

You ask him about his journey to becoming a scientist and not so subtly ask for advice on how to get into the field; and touching onto the whole human interaction thing, hes more than willing to talk your ear off about his entire career history

On the chance you dont want to do physics stuff, and you wanna do another branch of science he's all ears on listening to you ramble, may even lend a hand in getting you to where you need to be career wise

Yall do at home experiments as bonding stuff

Look if spot can make a mini collider in some building then I can only imagine the type of shit yall get up to at home

Oh? You're still curious about.. him? Of all things, him?

He never thought anyone would look at him with interest; usually its disgust or fear, or both

Hes hesitant at first because what if you discover something that'll totally change your view of him?

Takes (some, a little) coaxing

Bro caves fast, he misses physical touch

"So like, these holes-" you proceed to just. Dip your entire fist into a hole and watch said fist pop out from another hole

The demons are telling me to make reader like

Make it a game to try to throw stuff through his holes but I feel like that would be really mean, no one likes stuff getting thrown at them

Please dont throw stuff through his holes :(

Random but like

Idk if this happens with yall but

If someone stims do yall. Like stim back

Like I have vocal stims and mess with my hands; and sometimes my friend will be prompted to stim if I stim??

Idk but yall do that

OHOH before I post this if you're both comfy with physical touch please please please hold him, it's been so so long since someone has hugged him and he really really needs it :(

#atsv spot #atsv #spiderverse #the spot x reader #the spot #spot x reader #jonathan ohnn #jonathan ohnn x reader

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cogbreath · 3 months

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if i live i gotta make life changes let me be honest with u guys ive not been drinking alcohol meant for humans consumption ive been drinking dilluted cleaning alcohol because i really do need substances to ease my pains in life but i cant drive no license and i ran out of the shared weed supply me and my mom use and im really too shy to confide in her like "yeah so basically i cwnt live without drugs" which IS stupid because she is a former addict herself she would understand and not be mad at me but tbh im a very private person irl i dont like to verbally talk to people about things at all because it causes me a lot of struggle and distress to and irl im not really a verbal person. im not NONVERBAL entirely but i genuinely do struggle with speaking as an act so yeah. its a lot of shit. anyway cuz of all that i resorted to drinking dilluted fucking chemicals sbout it. fuckigng stupid i promise you guys if i survive this i wont do it again or if i do out of desperation it wil be because i tried rlly elly hard not to but needed an escape. idk if u guys entirely understand these sorts of circumstances i feel like the wider tumblr userbase isnt intimate with this kind of thing but i also know you guys generally want to be good ppl and i understand your lack of familiarity with this topic doesnt mean u hate me. nd we all have been taught awful things about drug use and addicts. pls kno that when shit like this happens it's not cuz we r selfish or stupid or anything like that its because we are fuckin desperate and whatever it is in our life be it mental illness physical illness etc, is hurting us to make us resort to this shit. yes it was a stupid act i i feel bad as fuck right now for what ive done to myself and my body and i worry also that if i survive it , that it migut fuck up my future, cuz the liver damage may jeapordize my ability to transition. and idk maybe this is sxary for you guys too maybe you feel uncomfortable hearing about it at all but honestly i dotn have anyone else you guys mean a lot to me and im including you guys because i care about you and i feel you care about me.

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justalilpearlie · 3 months

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Introduction/Fun Pearlie Facts

Was abt time I did one of these.

Hello everyone, my name is Pearl, Pearlie or Sam/Sammy if you're feeling like it. Friends also call me Martini sometimes.

I am a minor, my labels... we dont talk about them (fem presenting ftm gay/mlm + trying out gendervoid and verinix + bigender??) uhmm and I go by He/She, tho mostly He/Him by strangers- I can She/Her myself and close friends/mutuals are allowed! (I also go by neos: Void/Moon/Sweet/It/Fluff/Love/Fizz/Paw)

I'm from Argentina, born and raised, never moved. Speak fluent english and spanish.

I got the 'tism and the adhd, aswell as BPD and a few other things I wont list right now! But yeah I'm psychotic (ooo scary word.. lmao)

- -🌄-📀-🌙- -💚- -💛- -✨-🌄-✨- -💛- -💚- -🌙-📀-🌄- -

I'm an IRL of many, mainly c!Pearl (mcyt), Samuel Emily (fnaf [games canon]) and Shin Tsukimi (yttd). If you don't like it you can leave, block me, or whatever, cause you aint gonna change my life or how I am. I'm in therapy, which unlike random hate and harrassment online, does help me :)

I like to roleplay, draw, sometimes make playlists or moodboards.. And my biggest interests right now are Life Series (+ evo + new life), Empires1(+ a bit of e2) and FNaF! (i dont rlly like the books tho lol..)

I use kin tags for reach cause I'd love interaction from any fellow lifers or empires ppl, hermits aswell!! Tho I havent finished s8 or s9 yet...

Fictionkins, therians and traumagenic systems all welcome!

- -💥-🐺-🌙- -❤️- -💛- -✨-💥-✨- -💛- -❤️- -🌙-🐺-💥- -

DNI prefferably:

- Basic DNI criteria (proshippers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, TERFs, ableist, etc)

- Endos/non-traumagenic "systems" DNI. block me if u want, i wont argue abt it in the comments/reblogs. or interact if u want but im not gonna follow u back or anythin shrugs.

- reality checkers or anti-IRLs DNI. I aint "romanticizing" shit, I'm existing and living my life, if thats a problem to you too bad cause my psychologist aproves of what I'm doing, since I aint harming anyone and I myself am doing dandy.

- anti-kin also DNI cause most of my friends are fictionkins and if you talk shit abt my fellas idk i wouldnt like having u around much

CCs interact at your own risk. This is my domain, cyan man & moon lady. /hj

- -🪸-🐸-🌙- -💙- -🩵- -✨-🪸-✨- -🩵- -💙- -🌙-🐸-🪸- -

"Disclaimer"

- I talk about MajorMoon (Scott x Pearl) a LOT, if u didnt notice by the acc theme. These are my romantic memories, its a gay ship, not woman/gay man, so if it makes u uncomfortable or u hate it or whatever then ur probably not gonna like my content lmao. COUGH, consider joining us if you do like what you see... /nf We're a small comunity of supporters.. just me.. and a few of my peeps... that was a joke, sir. /ref

- This isn't roleplay, its my main acc where im ""unapologetically"" myself, but if u do wanna rp life series/empires u can always shoot me a dm and maybe I'll give u my discord.

- I talk about myself (c!Pearl) using 3rd person in many posts tagged with main fandom tags. This is to cause less confusion to casual fans slash ""normies"" (lhj) that well.. don't know what IRLs are! Also that way I feel safer and don't have to worry as much abt getting harassed and such for my identity.

- -🌸-⛰️-🌙- -💚- -💙- -✨-🌸-✨- -💙- -💚- -🌙-⛰️-🌸- -

Special People Mentions!! fps = * (1 or more.. wouldnt say in a priority sorta order but. more or less yea)

Family! <3 🌼@pehpurr* SISTER!! super duper cool, her art is great and you should check it out!! YOU. You're the brightest little girl (i say like ur not older than me) I'VE EVER MET ACTUALLY! You're so passionate and loving I freaking adore you!! I love you so much Scar, you're one of the best things to ever happen to me, Kanny <3 ⚙️@gentlexmadman DAD!! you are my daaaad, you're my dad! woogie woogie woogie! ANOTHER amazing artist! mr "I know that guy-", very funny, Henry "Autism" Emily... the copper king, my father. Speaking to you is always comforting. Love you so much papa, you're amazing :)

Simply special <3 ☕@insomniac-coffeehouse** You're all simply so very special to me. I love spending time with you guys and playing stuff together, you mean a lot to me and I'm so glad I met you. I hope we're still close for this year and many more! You're incredibly talented, not only at art, at everything you do. You spark joy in my brain and my heart <3 From the bottom of my heart, I'm in love with the hope you bring to this world. 🍊Jack***, oh my dear Jacky, where do I even begin, sport... you really are my other half. Mi media naranja if you will. haha.. I love every second we spend together, I love your voice, I love your eyes, I love your smile, your laughter. I love your use of words, the way you speak, your humor, your seriousness and goofiness. You stiff fuck, you were made for me and I was made for you, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You're my everything, mi vida, mi luz, mi estrella. Mi amor, mi mundo. <3

New friends! 🍓@strawberrystarfield I know we met fairly recently but you're all incredibly fun to talk to, your art is also amazing, your accent is real pretty (cough for a bri-💥), you're real sweet and I love reading all your thoughts and critiques about things :} (love ya Aspen /gen) 🏜️@fagdykegtws My right hand man! I know we just met through the rarepair server but oh my god we're in the same brainwave!!! You're so fun to vc and chat with and you got the best ideas ever fr fr, love ya Chewy, you're real sweet even w how lil i know you ;)

That's it folks, love yall and see you around!

#intro post #introduction #c!pearl irl #sammy emily irl #delusional attachment #fictionkin #fictkin #fnaf irl #life series irl #empires irl #mcyt fictkin #mcyt fictionkin #mcyt kin #system friendly #endos dni #mcyt irl

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hiemaldesirae · 24 days

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Question: how would your characterization of demon Alastor react to finding out for the last 60+ years that what he thought was Vox breaking up with him was actually Demon!Valentino drugging/r**ping him with his venom/aphrodisiac and Vox has No memory of what he and Alastor actually had? No memory of anything except maybe the last month? And to find out Valentino only did this so Vox (who was becoming a TV mogul) would put his pornos on the tv. How would he help Vox remember? What would he do to Valentino? Would Velvette also suffer?

okay so. nonny, i wont blame you for not knowing, especially since ive never explicitly talked about it on main, but for future reference, im not that big on the whole abusive staticmoth dynamic. i can see why others enjoy it, and i do read stories with it from time to time simply because the premise captivates me that much, but in general id say i much more prefer a version where val and vox are at the very least best friends if not crossing into the sort of blurry best friends who smooch sometimes territory.

now having said that, i'll still answer your question because again, not very fair of me to just brush you off for no reason when i never made my preferences clear beforehand. (this gets long, so i'll leave a readmore.) warning: my demon radiostatics are always freak4freak no matter what. so this does get a little iffy in terms of ethics

my favourite interpretation of radiostatic is two sickos who are just as closely obsessed with each other, so in the unlikely case that al would let vox go for that long, when he realizes again the first thing he's going to do is go and. well. for lack of a better term, atticwife him (i hope to god this isn't just a term used in east asian fandoms because if i have to explain this ill eat lead). maybe after a little bit of time, he'll allow vox some liberties, but even then it'd be very little. ill put it this way- imagine the most toxic irl relationship you can: someone who tracks and micromanages their partners every move, barely lets them outside the house without going with them, monitors every friendship that they allow their partner to have, and there you have it. thats radiostatic! ah, young love. so sweet, dont you think? after all, alastor can't risk his muse's eyes slipping off him again. he's been deprived of that attention for far too long, and it wasn't even by his own doing! that's an offense in and of itself.

now im assuming that its only val who's doing the exploitation here so presumably vel would have no hand in any of the mess, and perhaps not even be fully aware of the nuances behind the scenes. i mean, it wouldn't really matter either way because once alastor finds out the reason why his other half hasnt been reciprocating their insane little song and dance he's getting rid of any and all obstacles, permanently. vox doesnt need anyone else so long as he has him- and hey, he was friends with him, rosie and husk first, so its not even as if its much of a loss. the only people he'd presumably leave alive would be voxs own contracted souls, and even then thats a bit of a gamble depending on just how bad i want the both of them to be: without his contracted souls, vox would be weaker and more susceptible to whatever alastor wants, so i guess its a matter of whether or not i want the freak4freak relationship where theyre both equally strong but vox willingly submits because he gets more thrill out of it that way or whether i want freak4freak where vox has to struggle way harder and still ends up giving in anyway because al is simply stronger

as for what he'd actually *do* to val. i mean. he does still have that radio broadcast of his, doesn't he? i think you can probably put the pieces together. the thing with animal sinners is that theres simply so many parts of them to break... show-wise, i never understood how overlords like alastor or val could even rise to their position, with the amount of weak spots they must have. that broken antenna vox and val share is certainly something that speaks to their higher vulnerability. and moth wings are especially fragile: i owned little silkworm moths at one point (they were my babies, i loved them for the month or so i got to care for them) but their wings were so thin they were wearing holes in them by the second or third day. val's coat-wings look much thicker in comparison, but of course, my perception is limited by the show only. so i mean, who knows? im sure whatever happens, itll make the best entertainment in al's eyes :)

#if you guys want to hear more unhinged radiostatic i mean #im always glad to share it but in my head the vees are very tightknit #like very difficult to distinguish them between a polyam relationship and normal friendship tightknit #so i do dislike making val the main 'villain' just for tension purposes #but freak4freak radiostatic questions are always welcome!#ran rambles #hazbin hotel #radiostatic #general asks

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moved-aphmau-rewrites · 8 months

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so lets start from the beginning

so lets talk pdh, right? cuz thats the very beginning. for the most part, im planning to leave s1 of pdh alone aside from upping the intensity of the bullying (to make it more realistic) and just generally feel more like a teen slice of life drama rather than a harem anime where the protag chooses the shittiest love interest imaginable.

im also adding some mental health stuff just to generally make this more realistic! so lets get into it, this is the structure of my pdh rewrite!

Let's start with our leading lady, shall we?

Aphmau Shalashaska is a 14 year old freshman girl who has been homeschooled starting from fourth to eighth grade. She starts the series off as naive, though not as innocent as many people believe. She is known as the school's sweetheart, though many people suspect that she hides her intentions with a saccrine smile. To the people who know her, though, they know that her words are true and her motivations are pure. She is a light in many people's darkness, though her own world is casted in shadow...

basically i changed little to nothing about aphmau's character, aside from changing the years she was homeschooled. i decided to make her more sheltered but not completely sheltered.

i think i'm going to tweak her backstory to make it make more sense. i want her to actually (kind of) know about her father. he sends sylvanna (barely any) child support for her, to which sylvanna just gives it to aphmau directly because it isnt enough to actually do anything with.

im also going to ramp up the bullying and make it actually effect her and how she interacts with people, especially her love interests and friends.

the ending arc for aphmau in s1 is that she grows more confident and learns to rely on her friends when she's having difficulties with things. she wont end up with any of her love interests, but the trio end up extremely close. her and aaron will also end up extremely close and he will be introduced to the friendgroup (i dont like how theyre all kind of seperate) but he'll kind of be the "friend by proxy" because it will take a little longer for them to warm up (not anyone's fault, aaron is just... harder to befriend because he's an awkward dude)

as for her realtionships, here's my general plan for them (i had to split it up so aaron, laurence, and garroth under the cut!!)

Aaron

"It's weird. I thought those two hated each other. But now they seem inseparable. I just don't get it."

"Aaron? Yeah he's pretty weird. He has this whole dark and broody thing going on but he's such a squishy soul! He's like a pitbull! ...People think I hate him? Why would I hate my best friend?"

Aphmau is going to have more of a brother/sister relationship with aaron, they will NOT be the endgame ship of this rewrite. i detailed this in my pinned post, but i will reiterate: i do NOT like aarmau for the creepy, predatory way it is written. therefore i will just simply not include it in my rewrite. dont like it, dont have to read it <3

their story arc will stay largely the same. they meet online as FC/Shu (although i probably will change their nicknames because those are LAME) and meet irl in werewolf class. despite aaron defending her in person, they heavily dislike each other and bicker constantly. aph doesnt know she becomes the alpha female and aaron doesnt know that she is the girl that he's been talking to this whole time.

as FC and Shu they become thick as thieves, absolute partners in crime. they ARE aware of their age gap and there is no romantic feelings. they see each other as siblings and treat each other as such. they banter and bicker and fight but they genuinely care for each other. "i hate you, FC!!!" "i love you too, shu" becomes a daily part of their conversations.

Garroth

"He's so stoic, but around her... He becomes so gentle that it almost feels like he's a different person. She's his world."

"I think everyone but Aphmau herself sees the way he looks at her."

garroth is the first person to fall in love with aphmau. he stays quiet about his feelings for fear of ruining their friendship although he does quietly dream of something more.

garroth was always the first person that aphmau called on. his quiet and more serious demeanor was sought out as a comforting shoulder to listen to. before they knew that they were childhood friends, they had always described themselves as "platonic soulmates" (the word platonic made garroth internally wither and die but he kept that smile)

after, though? they were practically joined at the hip. partly because of their mothers and partly because they just wanted to. there was a select amount of boys that sylvanna allowed in her house (the only others being dante and travis, after many trials of proving that they ONLY have platonic feeligns for her daughter and NOTHING more) and the only boy that doesnt get her heavy surveillance

and that's how aphmau falls. breaking down his serious walls and getting to see his silly and goofy side that he keeps hidden made her fall before she even realized that she was falling

Laurence

"There he goes again, another girl wrapped around his finger."

"Laurence? He's so sweet and gentle! Sure, he's a big flirt, but he means well. I know that he would be by my side if I ever needed him."

if garroth's love is a gentle misty rain, laurence's is a fucking typhoon. strong and loud and passionate. he doesnt fall as fast. he even teases garroth about falling for someone so easily, but he very quickly learns why garroth fell so hard.

when laurence discovers his feelings, he immediately made it incredibly obvious. however, if aphmau flirted back, he'd become a blushing mess.

there was always boundaries with his flirting when they were friends. he never touched her, not in a way that could be seen as romantic. his hands always stayed firmly to themselves. but once he falls? he cant keep his hands off of her (nonsexually, obviously). constant shoulder touches, brushes of the hand that he plays off "oh aphmau if you wanted to hold my hand, you could've just asked!"

cupping her chin and cheeks, leaning in close so he gets an excuse to admire her face. the list goes on and on.

aphmau notices this, but she just thinks that theyre getting closer as friends. what makes her fall for him, however, was his gentleness. he was always the first person to tell her that she was beautiful, how kind she was, how thoughtful she was. he was her #1 fan, her absolute cheerleader. she had never had someone tell her that and now to hear it constantly made her heart flutter.

unlike garroth, she realized that she was falling for him pretty quickly. and that was about the time she realized her feelings for garroth, too.

#aphblr #aphmau #aphmau mystreet #aphmau pdh #mystreet #pheonix drop high #aphblur #aphmaurewrites #zerorewrites

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battle-subway-ghost · 4 months

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Intro.

Never been good at introducing myself.

Call me Ghost. Or Paris, I don't really care. Ghost's been an alias for a few years now, so do whatever you want with that.

I used to fight in the Battle Subway, so if you're from Unova and frequent it you probably know me from there. Unfortunately I moved to Galar a bit ago, so that's done now.

If you think you recognize me, firstly no you don't. I keep my face private for a reason. Secondly, don't come up to me if you aren't looking to have a battle. Not gonna force you but I don't like talking to strangers outside of that.

Yeah so my horse accidentally posted a video of me getting attacked by my rival's Froslass. So my face is kinda out there now. Don't fucking harass me or shit like that, don't be a weirdo. (and no, this doesnt mean ill be posting pictures of myself. Don't ask.)

(and for the love of arc don't try taking a picture of me. Some people have been trying that lately, and not a single time has it actually been me. Stop being weird and taking photos of random men with blue hair. I'm not recognizable.)

My team however, is a lot more recognizable than I am. Speaking of, it'd be pretty rude not to introduce them.

Full team of 6, I know, but that's not all, I've got 3 more non-battling Pokemon.

Cheri the Rattata, Joe the Rattata, and Bean the (albino) Alolan Rattata. I'll probably be posting about them quite a bit, they're my babies after all.

Oh, I also have a Weedle now. His name's Grungle. Training him to be a battler so far, we'll see how it goes.

I don't have much else to say. I've got battle strategy tips but most of what I know is specific to my tastes, so dont expect much.

Hello! This is the OOC part of the introduction >:) I follow from @act11as! Muse is an adult, mod is a minor, don't be weird, etc.

Please note the blanket unreality warning in the description, I do not tag #unreality to avoid flooding the tag, but I do try to tag all non-out of character posts with #pkmn irl in case you need to block things from your dashboard at times! On that same note, OOC posts will be tagged as such, and I will mark them with green text (though often not past the first line, because it can be grating to look at after a while)

All trigger warnings will be tagged as "[word] tw" for the sake of consistency. And if I forget to tag something, please shoot me a dm or an ask!

Additionally: Please note that I am autistic and very chronically ill. I may have to end things earlier than they were planned to be because I just suddenly had a flare-up, and I often misinterpret/forget things, o7 please feel free to remind/correct me if I do!

Guidelines? I guess?

Literally any kind of pokemon irl blog can interact! Sentient pokemon, eebydeebies, evil teams, whatever. I'm chill with anyone, though the muse may not be, keep this in mind. If you want to do something, send me a dm! I'm more than happy to discuss things ^^

IN CHARACTER anon hate, be it just being an ass, homophobia, etc. etc. are perfectly fine. Note that I probably wont respond to all, especially if it seems to go a bit too far. (same vein: Feel free to start arguments with him if you want. It's always fun to write him angry <3)

^ Additionally, feel free to harass him for the bit. Just for funsies. I love playing into it if you can't tell!

PARIS CAN AND WILL BE AN UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. Do not believe everything he says at face value, he often lacks information or will just full on lie.

Extra:

Pelipper Mail, un-mail, and Malice are always open! Feel free to torment this guy whenever you so please. (links go to the source posts for all 3 lol)

Musharna mail, (sending dreams) and Musharna malice (sending nightmares) are always on! Once again feel free to torment this guy.

Magic anons are usually off, unless I specifically specify otherwise!

Some organizational tags:

#[nickname] the [pokemon] - Most posts about Paris' pokemon should be tagged like this.

#rival tag - Tag for posts mentioning/about Paris' rival. (rival?)

#mylah tag - Tag used for @/tinkatinktrain- who was formerly anonymous.

#bluebird anon/bluebird tag - Tag used for @/blu3b1rdsss, similar situation to the above.

Lore? I guess?

#A Frosty Reception / #A Frosty Reception 2.0 - Takeovers of one of Paris' childhood friends. done twice because I kept getting sick :(

#Gone Fishing Arc - Paris fucked off into the woods and almost never returned! Good look into his character.

#Kicked to Kanto - Smaller thing, what it says on the tin.

#Team Fauna - Inconsistently tagged, but should have the vital bits in the general area? (Check "Cult tw" if otherwise). Paris goes undercover in a cult. He's very smart.

Anddd for music lovers- Here is his playlist.

#pkmn irl #pinned #// original to this was made in June/July (i forget) of 2023. I've just remade the post entirely since then #// The trainer card profile for the mons is a placeholder I do want to do something custom again #// but also this has been in my drafts for over 2 weeks I've been waiting to post it. so here we go

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ordonianhero · 1 year

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Wild’s actions in the Sunset arc

DISCLAIMER: I would like to say I am not a licensed doctor or psychologist. I am taking this information based on things I have read and a bit of some personal experiences. Also like to note we are talking about fictional character, though we may feel a deep connection and see them as real through our own eyes, based on how we connect to them. So please dont take this too seriously.

So everyone remembers how Wild reacted when the shadow took Twilight down. He failed to listen to the Captain’s orders, and acting purely on emotion. Reckless. Most of wild’s reaction stems from his experiences with loosing people he cared for. PTSD if you want to call it that. However is you want to get much deeper into it beyond just “Oh well he watched all his friend’s die”, there’s a very deep underline reason as well and this is where in time with healing his impulsiveness will no longer be so and he will better think things through. An unconscious mind is never logical. It where all our feeling are driven by. It how we love,desire,fear,jealousy, sadness anger, and more. It drives our emotions and desires. His unconscious mind was working without the knowledge or control of a conscious mind. Our bains actually prepare for action 1/3 of a second before we consciously decide to act. Hence Wild acting with an unconscious mind. But who can blame him. I sure all of them wanted to react the way he did, he just happened to be the one who did what he did. Even if it ment putting his own life in danger. He just wasn’t thinking clearly and saw “red” as we can call it. So I even if he was to be thinking he was using his conscious decision, his unconscious mind actually made the decision for him.

Our conscious mind doesn’t control our emotions.

Now with that said, when it comes through experiencing things as traumatic as all the Links have experienced though their journeys before this very moment, it understandable why for some can be like Captain who knows they need to wipe out the rest of the enemies and avoid anyone else being injured, before taking on the challenge of taking on the shadow. Where as wild witness this evil thing hurt someone he deeply cares about and narrow focused on that instead of worrying about anything else. He was going to take revenge. Acting on emotion based on past experiences. There was nothing logical about it and its hard to understand this kind of behavior. Some might even want to say it could be about maturity as well, but I think no matter the age, we all been in a situation (and dont brush this off like “oh I would never do that, I would be like the Captain and know strategically they need to take on the rest before taking on shadow.”) where we responded through an unconscious mindset. Causing more harm then good in a situation. This how we get into emotional battle with friends instead of well communicating calmly in an emotion moment. I have done it and I have lost a few good friends cause of it. We make excuses like “Oh well-“ it doesn’t excuse the behavior. The lads havent had proper time to heal all their wounds and so their actions often reflect that of a unconscious mind. Why the Captain seem like he has a conscious mindset, cause he is trained in battle situations to know going in recklessly wont accomplish anything. Not saying he’s not emotional. Oh he is plenty emotional and probably hides it because in that moment emotions can not take part in that situation. At this point I think I have explained Wild behavior in the sunset arc.

So how can wild train to think more consciously then unconsciously? By liminal thinking, he can influence the unconscious mind. Giving back their ability to make rational and logical decisions. No longer influenced by illogically, emotionally,or irrational behavior. Reconditioning their unconscious mind. But again these are all fictional characters we are talking about, but in irl we as people can even train our minds to a more conscious way of thinking in emotional situations. WE are limited by what we pay attention to. Only noticing the things specific to ones immediate reality. The society someone grew up in, influencers in their lives and life experiences. Based on experiences and how one sees things, one makes assumptions. Through assumptions one draws their own conclusions and that how ones beliefs are formed. Beliefs being from everything what someone “knows’ to be true.

So wild in his reaction is was in the belief Twilight was dead, from the only info he was given. That he couldn’t be healed. There for dead. And that my friend is why Wild acting how he did, even when confronting Four. His unconscious mind was driving him.

Once he got away and mulled over it in a more conscious mind set, did he make something in hopes it could help. His emotions still there, but he was no longer being influenced by them. Thinking more logically. Not saying being emotional is wrong. I think everyone is allowed to feel their emotions, it more about what you do with them. You can be sad, mad, etc….and still be able to respond to thing in a less irrational way. Anywho. I think i said enough on this. I am curious what you all think? Feel free to share your thoughts. It’s encourage actually. Also there is no wrong answer here, everyone will have a different way of seeing things and that is completely valid. I just wanted to shared kind of a cool thing I learned that had me processing the whole sunset arc and wild’s behavior.

And as to what sparked this? I myself am going through therapy and going through the process of leaning to think with a more conscious mind then unconscious one when in tough situations. Just learning this stuff I find it pretty interesting and challenging at the same time. So that what got me thinking about Wild and is actions.

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #little by of cool psychology and Lu mix #dont take this too seriously #i was just writing to write a cool thought on how this applies to the chain #lu wild

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saisons-en-enfer · 5 months

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Personal mental health masterpost:

Hey, so I’m making this post to give some clarity into my situation for anyone that cares so there is a mutual understanding; especially because I tend to spiral in real-time on tumblr

Preface: I know this is my blog but I don’t want that to be a basis for my deflecting the responsibility of my own mental well being onto others and make people suffer because of it, especially because when I’m down I’m extremely avoidant, self-centred, and may be unintentionally callous (no I’m not just saying that lightly, I’ve been in so many situations on tumblr and IRL that I say something that is extremely insensitive but that wasn’t my intent leading to so many “sha you can’t say no one cares I’m talking to you/sitting here with you how can you say that”) and I need to also own up to that and admit that sometimes my feelings are false and my thought process is jagged

I’ve hurt someone that is really important to me on here multiple times over this and sadly but deservedly they will never be in my life again (though they will always be important to me). I don't want this to be an insincere "I'm sorry I was wrong, please forgive me" but rather to come clean and say that it has happened and I just want to make sure I take actions so that no one who cares about me on here will ever go through the same situation with me; I love the connections I have tumblr beyond words so it's time I act as such

The crux of my dilemma: as I'm sure you all know, I don't desire much to be alive for multiple reasons that I wont get into, and I cant really end my life because I am practically unable to inflict such harm onto other people just because I'm having a hard time. I have exhibited suicidal behaviours irl numerous times but each time I either went through it successfully with coping, asking for help (usually on tumblr), and if worse comes to worst asking to be hospitalized (which happened 6 months ago after I lost my job). It's complicated to talk about so feel free to send asks or DMs if you want to know more, I do exhibit suicidal behaviours on here (by talking or implying how much I don't want to be alive and saying that I'm in unbearable pain, both of which are true) but I seldom think I'm a danger to myself. I would say I have more suicidal ideations (henceforth SI) than behaviours.

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 21, by 24 I was diagnosed with major depression (clinical) along with GAD, OCD (obsessive in negative thinking), later at 26 with ADHD, and, last year with a mood disorder (yet to be configured, consensus right now is that it is just very unstable mood)

The mood instability is important to highlight because I can pretty much show you days in which my posts go from cheery to mellow throughout the course of a single day.

Tumblr to me is a very personal and emotional scrapbook, when my mood crashes or i get triggered by something, and go on an SI spiral, first thing that happens is that i panic really hard especially because I get caught in the trap of "oh I have to live again tomorrow and experience all of this again and live my life with this mind" and when I'm in that trail of thought, shit goes south real fast and I start having physiological symptoms; I can't breathe properly, I get chills etc. so it's either I sit with those feelings by myself (because I'm not brave enough and trust many people IRL to seek help; something I'm working on) or, I release it onto here as posts. I know it's odd but in my mind having a breakdown in public (similar to my tumblr outbursts) is more helpful in that people either ignore you in which case you will have sense to know that there is none but yourself that can bring you up in which case you pull yourself together and move forward, or people do take notice and show kindness and support and help you fight your way through to see another day. Whatever the case, at least your not weeping alone so to speak. It sounds callous and even attention seeking but i don’t believe it’s inherently wrong, it’s a call for help.

The attention seeking part of it I concede my approach is terrible and I’m such an asshole for constantly firing from the hip with saying shit like “I don’t want to be alive, Im better off dead” and other things of the same ilk no matter how much I mean it and feel the depth of those words so closely. I will be better; when I’m emotional I’m not rational so I don’t do what I always do, step back and think am I approaching this person correctly. My cousin told me “if you’re having a hard time, than don’t say things like that to freak me out… say hey K I’m a bit sad today, I need a hug, I need some love, I need to get out of my head a little”

I'm taking mood stabilizers twice a day, whilst this has been deemed to be enough since I tend to have a strong outward facade and keep composed if my mood falters until I'm alone in my room and my interactions with people irl has been functional, I fear it's not enough and I may have to bring it up even though it means more meds (which btw coincidentally my mother just walked in my room reminding my of my next psychiatrist appointment soon). It's just very hard to bring up my tumblr behaviour up in therapy because as soon as I'm honest about my posting, they will just want to hospitalize me... it's not conceivable in most people's minds that yes I dont wish to be alive but I don't necessarily want to kill myself.

Which brings me to this part regarding my etiquette on tumblr:

All text posts pertaining to my mental health, should it imply SI I will tag as "SI posting"

I will NOT be tagging really sad songs as of now, but I can certainly do that if people would like me to

When I post something concerning you can choose to ignore me altogether if you'd like I will not hold it against anyone or be upset or fall prey to the line of thinking that "no one cares" because I know beyond a doubt that people actually DO care

If you do see such a post and want to help me genuinely, interacting with the post (like or comment or whatever) however small helps me so much and makes me feel so much less alone and gives me strength to push through

You can also start a conversation with me and talk about anything at all that also gets my mind off of things

I promise ill try my hardest to just ask for support instead of just posting extremely concerning text posts

EDIT: im also open and welcome any suggestions people may have on this matter and how I can be better

I keep my promises very seriously and just over a week ago I promised someone I really care about that I will try and be better and I very much intend to do that.

Thank you so much for patience and kindness and just not giving up on me when at times I've given you ample reasons to do so, I love you so much

Much love

#im so fucking sorry i let you down for years I.#you deserved so much better #I will always cherish the kindness compassion and patience you showed to me #even though I was undeserving of it #I wish you the fucking best in the world i really do with my whole heart #and in idle moments I will always take time and send you positive energy in my mind #and i would give everything so that you would truly feel everything you ever wanted in life even if it is for a moment

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psycandy · 1 year

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✦ W E L C O M E ✦

✦. :: call me psy or candy! she/her mostly or any, i am a female, bisexual, asian, i am above 18, october 28. more about me later on.

to summarize my account: 18+, dom fem/gn reader only, i write futanaris/dickgirls and cuntboys, sometimes I write selfships, all genders and subs are free to read my works/interact. im not as active nor social, yet at least. 16 and below, blank and ageless blogs dni.

✦ . . :: status — asks: closed ✦ requests: closed ✦ i need a bit more time before opening these up ^^ ✦ I have a bunch of drafts, mostly of ethan and konig

the reason as to why i only write fem/gn reader and not male reader is because i just dont like writing male reader, plus im not a male myself and enjoy being a dom as a female since its not very common, i find a female dom much more interesting and hot, im very sorry male reader enjoyers :( i use to write for male reader but it just doesnt feel the same now that i discovered femdom. all genders are still free to read my works or interact, i don't have a grudge or anything against male reader or anyone who's male aligned! thank you for understanding <3 I also won't always write cuntboy character and dickgirl reader, I'll occasionally do afab reader pegging amab character.

dni: 16 and below, blank and ageless blogs, basic dni criteria, shotacon, lolicon, ybc fans, fujoshi/fudanshi, overly obsessed with bl/gl, people who use 'yaoi' or 'yuri'.

current works: Ethan winters (drabble)

i will make a masterlist soon when i post more stuff ✦

✦ . . :: bolded white either means a warning (i write section) or something i will never do no matter what (i don't write section)

i write: aged up (charas that are 16 and up), dark content, incest, yandere, dubcon, power bottom characters (rarely), bottom dom reader (rarely), bottom characters, dom fem/gn reader, omegaverse, dickgirl/futanari, tentacles, some oc x character/self ships, breeding, knife/gun kink, monster/creature (ex. mermaid/merman), cuntboys, blood kink, 3somes or more, polygamy, voyeurism, aphrodisiac, belly bulge, pegging, size difference.

i dont write: reader receiving penetration, scat, piss, amputee, feet, vore, sex while pregnant, extreme r18g/nsfw gore, sub reader, male reader, characters that are 15 or under, irl people, vomit, lots of angst, role switch end of/mid chapter, religion stuff, reader giving blowjob.

extra: i wont write ur req if its not to my liking/interesting but i will for sure respond to thirsts and such ━ on a rare occasion ill write reader be a bottom dom, reader won't be receiving penetration ━ i don't like reader receiving penetration ━ i prefer to see more of the bottom characters dialogue and pleasure rather than the reader, so most of my works won't mention the readers pleasure but there'll be a decent amount of dialogue ━ when I write gn reader I won't specify ur sex, there won't be any sex actually ━ most of my smut writings will be on this account, if u wanna chat or talk in the asks head over to my other account @psycandybutpop :) ━ please don't private dm me immediately, ive got horrible social skills and i prefer my solitude, it also makes me anxious akfjfjf, i don't mind the asks, just don't private dm, tysm for understanding 😞

✦ . . :: MY LITTLE SUNSHINES

no anons yet (｡•́︿•̀｡)

✦. :: WHO/WHAT I WRITE

words in white are my favorites, to find a characters work; search this tag >>*[character] no spaces. aged up charas will be more tame, ill mostly write gn reader with them since it'll be simple

CURRENTLY FIXATED ON: rin itoshi, satan, ethan winters, childe, könig, ghost, soap, horangi, gojo, geto, furina, johnny cage, hinata tachibana, Billy kid, siyun baek, jeongmin.

genshin ━ lumine, albedo, itto, diluc, eula, hu tao, heizou, ayato, shenhe, childe, thoma, xiao, zhongli, dainsleif, alhaitham, cyno, kaveh, zhongli, neuvilette, lyney, lynette, wriothesley, furina.

overwatch ━ genji, zenyatta, ramattra, cassidy, reaper, dva.

star rail ━ caelus, dan heng, gepard, sampo, herta, blade, jing yuan.

demon slayer ━ giyuu, shinobu, mitsuri, rengoku, yoriichi, akaza, douma, genya, haganezuka, aizetsu.

obey me ━ beelzebub, leviathan, mammon, satan, solomon.

jujutsu kaisen ━ yuji, gojo, megumi, geto, toji, maki, yuta.

other ━ kalpas, kiana kaslana, fuhua, karamatsu matsuno, jyushimatsu matsuno, tendou satori, ushijima wakatoshi, kageyama tobio, atsumu miya, osamu miya, usahara tobikichi, iketeru daga, uramichi omota, tamaki amajiki, shoto todoroki, hitoshi shinso, loid forger, yor forger, monika.

google docs for more

✦ . . :: TAGS

>>*talks with psy (anon chats)

>>*rants (nsfw babbles n stuff)

>>*stepcest

>>*guns

>>*knifes

>>*branding

>>*dickgirl

>>*cuntboy

>>*omegaverse

>>*power bottom reader

>>*tentacles

>>*psy's selfships

>>*monster

>>*aged up

>>*fem reader

>>*gn reader

>>*reblogs

#no tags yet im not ready #i just needed to finally post this

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neopuppy · 1 year

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I went to the Dallas show too and everyone I talked to said the GA situation was mess. I had seated tickets so it wasn't that bad for my friend and I, but our friend in GA said the line/fast pass situation was insane.

I was so ready to be bias wrecked by renjun but jaemin just wouldn't let it happen

I high-key want to see the dreamies again

MANNNNNNN i wont get into it abt the line drama too much, idc what they venue said either it was 1000% their fault. As someone who was raised by armys to smarten up abt how kpop works when I first got into it I rly never wanted to do a GA crowd again after how wings tour went down💀😅 but 7dream……

the whole everyone show up at the same time to get in line without any staff to handle how it goes is the venues fault, they were letting people get crushed, smothered and injured just bc we’re “kpop stans and the worst fandom they have ever had to deal with.” and then going on twitter to make fun of us 💀 also idc what anyone says there are a group of 20-30 foreign girls cutting lines at every stop and will not allow anyone to talk to them rationally. There are also about 15-20 American fans doing the same thing- thinking they control front of the line and saying the most ridiculous shit…..unfortunately most of them are Haechan stans too. They make it harder for the rest of us bc they were acting crazy as fuck, everyone else I met was pretty normal and calm😭 but those people were rly insane and staking out the venue by hiding in bushes/trees and piles of dirt the nights before. GA crowds need to be abolished bc some of these people are just abnormal.

idk I have been to well over 50 kpop concerts and ykw, Dreamzens are the worst. like, hands down the worst fandom experiences I have had irl have been in Neo City, they rly do have some of THE worst sasaengs I have ever encountered and it’s not limited to Asian fans, a ton of Western fans have adapted that behavior. It’s rly weird and sad to see.

BUT!!!!! None of that can deter from how fun and amazing the concert was oh my god I love them so much I almost cried a few times I’m ngl, like I’m not that person but NCT Dream mean a lot to me(despite how awful the fandom is, online AND irl), I heavily deep-dived Dream during the pandemic/lockdown and they in many ways became my safe space throughout the mental strain covid put me through(and still does). Their music and them in general bring me more comfort than I realized, like finally getting to see them all together felt idk….. I felt happy again, like my heart was full. It was so nice, I’m crying just thinking abt it, I love them so much bfjwixidcn.

I have really been getting over kpop and very disheartened with it ever since lockdown restrictions have been lifted(even prior bc the way kpop was moving during the pandemic made me pull back big time). Concert etiquette is lost, younger/new generation fans are the most disrespectful and entitled pieces of shit literally ruining the fun, and people are more insane than ever……like I cannot handle this culture of newer fans that truly believe they will become y/n and get an NDA by acting like a wild animal and holding up not only stupid signs but also crossing lines between fan/artists.

There are more problems in this fandom beyond Judy(iykyk) for example, but the fact that people enable her delusion by saying she is pretty and they aren’t doing much to shove her away. SHE READS MY JENO FICS LIKE THE REST OF Y’ALL……. She is not fucking anyone in NCT and its sick how even the fandom has no respect for these artists as human beings

Like I have traveled for many concerts now, and it is 1000% extremely easy to not stalk or ‘conveniently’ show up at the same place as kpop idols. People with the same flights/hotel/at the same restaurant/off-schedule events etc etc are going out of their way to harass these idols.

The whole experience of being a kpop fan is an everyday struggle for me bc on one hand I love these artists for their work and talent so much, on the other hand being associated with fans who act like wild animals that were raised by apes is sooooooo humiliating and not in a nice kinky way either.

I keep saying this is my last year with anything kpop idk. I just wanted to see the neos a few more times in concerts bc they rly do have the funnest concerts imo, but something rly shifted after lockdown, bitches went too crazy fr. I wanna go back to 2019 when concerts were more abt having fun with your parasocial friends and less abt getting attention lmao. Ok I ranted butttttttt yeah. Asking for kpop stans to act somewhat normal is…..outlandish I suppose.

Hopefully the next time I see the Dreamies will be more pleasant! I know this arena is much safer and more prepared for kpop stans bc they handled enhypen’s crowd rly well when I saw them there. Either way I’m going to have fun! Hope everyone stays safe💚

#asks #not putting a read more cut bc I said what I said #the things people have been doing this tour is down right EMBARRASSING

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thebatbites · 7 months

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so lets start from the beginning

im also adding some mental health stuff just to generally make this more realistic! so lets get into it, this is the structure of my pdh rewrite!

Let's start with our leading lady, shall we?

basically i changed little to nothing about aphmau's character, aside from changing the years she was homeschooled. i decided to make her more sheltered but not completely sheltered.

im also going to ramp up the bullying and make it actually effect her and how she interacts with people, especially her love interests and friends.

as for her realtionships, here's my general plan for them (i had to split it up so aaron, laurence, and garroth under the cut!!)

Aaron

"It's weird. I thought those two hated each other. But now they seem inseparable. I just don't get it."

"Aaron? Yeah he's pretty weird. He has this whole dark and broody thing going on but he's such a squishy soul! He's like a pitbull! ...People think I hate him? Why would I hate my best friend?"

Garroth

"He's so stoic, but around her... He becomes so gentle that it almost feels like he's a different person. She's his world."

"I think everyone but Aphmau herself sees the way he looks at her."

garroth is the first person to fall in love with aphmau. he stays quiet about his feelings for fear of ruining their friendship although he does quietly dream of something more.

and that's how aphmau falls. breaking down his serious walls and getting to see his silly and goofy side that he keeps hidden made her fall before she even realized that she was falling

Laurence

"There he goes again, another girl wrapped around his finger."

"Laurence? He's so sweet and gentle! Sure, he's a big flirt, but he means well. I know that he would be by my side if I ever needed him."

when laurence discovers his feelings, he immediately made it incredibly obvious. however, if aphmau flirted back, he'd become a blushing mess.

cupping her chin and cheeks, leaning in close so he gets an excuse to admire her face. the list goes on and on.

unlike garroth, she realized that she was falling for him pretty quickly. and that was about the time she realized her feelings for garroth, too.

#mystreet #aphblur #aphmaurewrites #aphmau mystreet #aphmau #aphverse #aphblr #pheonix drop high #aphmau pdh #rotp #rise of the phoenix

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sometimesoliloquy · 2 years

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The Handmaid’s Tale 5x05 “Fairytale”👀

So we have 2 major storylines: June and Luke's ill-advised bowling date, and the miseducation of Ms. Serena as a late in life handmaid-in-waiting. Shout out to the brief but delightful subplot that involved Moira and Lily getting drunk and shit talking, I would totally ship them. I apologize in advance for the snark this quickly devolved into, there may have been wine involved.

We begin with Serena descending down a long staircase, to greet the martha housekeeper at the bottom (wonder where we've seen this before?). I will say, although the Serena/June handmaid parallels this episode are heavy handed—from the stairs and the green juice healthy breakfast to the flashbacks to the very layout of Serena’s room(!)—I actually didn’t really mind because every scene and detail screaming at us that the handmaid's chunky brown boot shoe is now on the other foot was just kind of karmically delicious. Of course Serena still thinks she has power here (at least at first), as she is wont to delusionally believe, demanding requesting to speak with the Commander Mr. Wheeler. Silly Serena, don't you know the menfolk are very very busy with man business? They don't have time for your foolish female prattle! She's able to briefly forget this rejection and her probable indigestion from that smoothie, as Mrs.Wheeler presents her prized pig guest to her gaggle of wanna be Gilead wife friends, who fawn over Serena and her big belly, to her great satisfaction. It's like a good old fashioned Gilead fake labor show but better! (or is it.... guess we'll have to wait and see)

We flash back in time to see Serena and Naomi sauntering their new teal heels through the sterile hallways of an animal children's shelter: they browse the strays through the observation windows but can't quite imagine adopting a mutt into their home, you never know if they're properly house-trained and anyway, they were thinking more of a purebred (they know a breeder). So wonderful we saved these poor children from their ungodly parents to be put in fitting homes!...oh dear, not my home though. Imagine. Serena asks Naomi if she's been approached about a handmaid yet like she's inquiring if she's been asked to prom. Naomi isn't going to prom does not want a whoreful adult stray handmaid in her house any more than she wants one of these illbread brats poor children. She has white couches, for godsake! This scene cemented my suspicion that Naomi 100% never wanted children to begin with. Honestly I felt like this scene was also kind of a irl commentary on the sad fact of so many foster children in need of love and family, especially older kids, too often viewed as "undesireable" or "damaged" Of course there’s the small matter of Gilead causing huge damage to these kids by stealing them, literally traumatically ripping them from the arms of loving parents and families in many cases (which sadly does also sometimes mirror real life). Have to also call out the easter egg throw out line about Chicago rebel forces "they’ll be put down soon”... bitch, we know they’re still fighting like 6-7 years later, so.

Later we see Serena sitting down at Aunt Lydia's trafficking fertility office to pick out a handmaid from their Gilead mugshots. She doesn't look so excited about the prospect anymore at this point (methinks things might be getting strained with Fred at this point, I guess the Gilead honeymoon is over). Anyone else pause their tv to go look super close/upside down at the Handmaid’s files to see if June was in the bunch (or anyone else we know) and also to try and get a glimpse of the first unfortunate “Offred”? Just me? I actually thought the first file she picked up (who also caught Mr. Waterford's eye) looked like June upside down but upon seriously straining my neck was able to determine it was not (then I remembered I could just screenshot and rotate). Maybe Fred really did have a type, though. Ann Dowd’s physical/face acting as Lydia watches over Serena’s shoulder really cracked me up here.

(guess that’s poor nameless Offred the first on the right)

It's time for Serena's business call and Mrs. Wheeler leaves her alone because she couldn't possibly wrap her little woman brain around all that business talk (I kind of love how she manages to fawn over Serena while at the same time throwing shade, it's masterful--or deranged--or both). Joseph gets his first one-liner of the episode in “….You think the Gilead information center... focusing on Gilead... is a mistake?” and of course it's hilarious but fuuuck, he and I may both hate to admit that she’s right, fertility is definitely the best spin Gilead could go with in this fucked up limited supply baby crazy world. Unfortunately for her, it’s once again slipped Serena's mind that Gilead hates women, and she gets a swift buh-bye from creepypants Putnam, who by the way keeps getting creepier by the day. Are they purposely putting pasty corpse-like makeup on that poor actor? Random aside, I wonder if the actor is also like a really nice guy who volunteers and saves puppies or something, like how the cast always would say that Joseph Fiennes is just the loveliest person. Anyway, here we get the first mention of Joe’s pet project New Bethlehem, which Warren promptly shits on. Despite JLaw remaining pretty steadily neutral evil so far this season, I actually felt something from him when he said “or all of this…will have been for nothing”. His motivations lately have felt a bit ambiguous to me, but I did here feel that maybe he really does desperately need it all to mean something: otherwise it means he will have lost Elinor for nothing.

We end Serena' episode arc with the long awaited welcome from Mr. Wheeler, as she prays dutifully at her bedside for everyone to realize how special and smart and superior she is. Even her room here is uncannily reminiscent to me of June’s room at the Waterfords, down to the placement of furniture, window/window seat and door in the same spot (but like a super lux version). I looked away for like a second at the beginning of this next part and when I looked back did a double take because for a split second when he was silhouetted in the doorway I thought wut, NICK?? (I MEAN)

until I remembered we are being cruelly deprived of our boy for two long episodes. Can't even say for sure it's because they have a similar build in the dark from behind or if I was just that desperate to see him. Anyway. Then I did another double take because I know this actor from this random 1 season show where he plays a character working at a renaissance faire, and that is not relevant at all here except that I don't know how I'm supposed to take him seriously as a villain now when I know him for shirtless slap fighting in mud and going by the moniker "Sir Pizzle Humpsalot" (it's kind of like when I realized Val from "Working Moms" was one of the very serious Swiss "go-between" people who fuck over refuse to work with Nick and June in s2). So Mr. Pizzler Whizzler gives a nice little condescending speech during which she--and we--get it drilled once again into our/her heads that Serena will not be continuing with her absurd working woman ambitions, because what is important now is her womb and its contents and that these contents are kept safe so that they can be taken from her. Yeah, WE GET IT, but does she? FINALLY? Serena still seems to have a fundamental issue with the thought that to other Gileadeans (and wannabe Gileadeans), she might not be more special than the countless other women she was totally fine with considering nothing more than a vessel for babies for her to steal. This does not compute. She weirdly doesn't seem to like being treated like a pet/property/child, herself, though (bet Mark and his ill-advised puppy crush are looking pretty good to her now). We leave her here, fulfilled of her daily dose of prenatal vitamins, yet still feeling strangely unsettled... to be continued...

(I mean, upgrade, but still) ---

Over on the still Canada side of Canada (for now, anyway), June is woken up from a Hannah fever dream to a call from Mayday Lily (yay, I love her!). June, Moira and Luke pile into the car for a field trip and flip off some nice Canadian protesters politely (at least one sign said please) telling them to GTFO. They oblige for the day and fuck off to the border, only to get the bad news that Mayday's Gilead contact is stuck on the other side and they're SOL. "Not so!" proclaims Luke, the sudden knight in shining armor. "We shall cross the forest of dangers and rescue the princess from the grasps of the evil queen!" Because he can't wait around for Hannah to appear on tv again with Serena... who is in Canada... ok. I mean it's only been 5-7 years since your daughter was stolen and yeah in all that time the bureaucratic paperwork approach hasn't worked too well (also though, Moira, exactly HOW long did you know about the border camp for?) but sure, right now seems like a great time to suddenly go tromping half-assed into Gilead patrolled woods with no gun, no weapons. Honestly I am really confused by how determined this guy seems to be to repeat history by going into another situation completely unprepared to defend himself and his family, with little else than his bravado and ill-advised optimism. June, however, looks proud and moved by this bravery recklessness and I don't know what I expected because I really do not think Luke brings out the best/smartest in her and she literally got turned on last episode by his pretend murder bluff. I sort of hoped that if anything Moira's common sense alarm would have gone off here a bit more forcefully, but unfortunately she was too busy force feeding us cheesy lines waxing poetic on Luke and June's marriage because they apparently have to try and convince the audience what they are not showing us by telling us.

Moira fucks off to drink with Lily (they got the better end of the deal) and off go June and Luke into the danger woods, holding hands (because I guess this is date night or something). We get an ominous overhead shot of telephone wires far above, giving the sense that nefarious forces are listening/watching, and then it is night in the creepy woods. June starts having trauma flashbacks but insists she's ok, because she still doesn't really think Luke can handle it doesn't want to slow them down. They come upon a corpse hanging from a tree with a "rapist" sign hung from the body. Luke is super disturbed (as would be the normal reaction), June is like same old, same old (her normal is a little different these days) but tells him it wasn't done by Gilead because they "don't use words" (that's only Fred when he's creepy scrabble foreplaying). I wondered if maybe June's murderwoods shenanigans with Fred had spread word and inspired some like minded action in NML?? But am now inclined to think it may have something to do with the people at the end of the episode (not to get ahead). Then it's day again and they finally reach the geocache, but before they can unearth the treasure they are accosted by a young guardian with a gun who I think would actually really love Prince had he been given any chance to know who that was, and it makes me sad that I'm certain he doesn't get the reference. I am going to call this character Guardian Timothee Chalamet from hereon despite later learning his name, Jaeden (they said NO NAMES, Luke) because that's literally all I could think of as soon as we met him. Luke is flustered but June, well accustomed to teenage boys in black training guns on her, doesn’t blink. “Beret”, motherfucker.

Timmy Chalamet is a little brusque and a bit suspicious at first, but he to warms up quickly once they get to his favorite playfort hideout for shirking patrol duties in (don't blame him, it looks cold and boring out there): an abandoned bowling alley that somehow still has power (guess they found a loophole with the electric company), although they still have to reset the pins manually? Timmy gives them some very basic info on the wives schools (like basically the same info June got from Nick with the added episode-themed commentary reassurance that the "Plums" are treated like princesses, at least for the short time they're there before being married off to potentially old abusive pedos anyway (side note: I kind of love that they have slang like the "plums" and it made me wonder what other Gilead slang has developed amongst certain demographics). But never fear! There is a mysterious thumb drive that holds all the answers (ok I am also kind of side-eyeing looking at you on this one, though, Margaret Atwood--#TT #IYKYK). Why do I have a feeling the thumb drive is not going to make it... Anyway, Timmy C tells them they should stay and hang out because it's too dangerous to go back during the day (even though they were just out there in the daytime, honestly, I think the kid is just lonely but can't really blame him). Luckily his youthful charm is so infectious that Luke immediately forgets that he thinks anyone coming from Gilead is automatically an evil monster (replay start of 2x08 bar scene) and becomes bff’s with him, and anyway he's really excited to bowl because he just really loves bowling. I guess they don’t have bowling alleys in Canada anymore?. Ensue very unwise loud competition and man hollering from this bro fest, which makes June understandably disconcerted, as they are hiding out in enemy patrolled territory, theoretically trying not to get killed.

Luke is like June just needs to chill, how about some music and plays some truly absurd old timey songs on the piano that just happens to be there, before doing what he's been dying to do and busting out his falsetto "Let's Stay Together". A variety of emotions cross June's face, ranging from uncomfortable, affectionately amused, contemplative, conflicted, nostalgic, guilty, sad. She sort of looks like she wishes she could jump in with him and surrender to the sentiment whole heartedly, but her heart is not there and she knows it. She can’t quite bring herself to look him in the eyes, looking down when he tries to catch them. Noticing this, he clowns more for laughs and coaxes her to dance with him, and she finally gives in to the (deceptively) carefree feel of the moment, while sweet bb guardian Timothee finds extra mood lighting (cutest third wheel ever). Also, honorable mention to "Did you write that song?"..."yeah I did"... "wow, that's really good" (oh, the innocence!). I left out the part where they ask him about his life in Gilead and he tells them life "before" is "foggy, like a dream", because this was one heavy handed parallel too many on the Hannah front (and yes, I get it, the episode is called Fairytale). Am curious where they guy got beers from though (black market?) and how he smuggled a cooler full into his hideout without anyone noticing.

(which one of these is supposed to be “I’m so in love with this guy singing to me”?)

Then the game's over and they’re taking the scarywoods night shortcut (in hindsight maybe not the best idea but maybe the GROWNUPS here could have sussed that one out). Of course our sweet pure Guardian friend steps on a landmine (we knew from the beginning he was going to be a red shirt, didn't we?), looks terrified but bravely tells them to get back and it's probably fine before he moves a hair and gets blown to smithereens. Just kidding, he just got his leg blown off. He's starting to bleed out and June quickly and calmly goes to work with applying a belt tourniquet (apparently another skill she picked up as a rebel handmaid resistance fighter, or from Youtube) while Luke looks on in horrified shock, a second away from puking (I mean no shade, I'm sure I would, too). Jaeden Timothee Chalament’s guardian friends are calling to him and he White Fang's June and Luke to GTFO so they don't get caught, Luke hesitates and June pulls him up to desperately dash for the border. As she flees, she flashes back--to her and Hannah running in the woods, her running to lead the guardian away in the woods to save Angel's Flight--and this really got me, I found it one of the most (probably the most) genuinely compelling moments of the episode. We end with them surrounded and being dragged away in different directions (foreshadowing perhaps?? who knows). So let us review: every time June gives in to these carefree moments Luke initiates (largely in attempts to win her back as his wife), every time she overlooks her better judgement to concede to his (often ill-founded) optimism, something bad happens. This was the case when Gilead first rose to power and they didn't get out fast enough, and it's still happening now. She lets her guard down, the "old June" starts to seep in, and then BLAMMO, GILEAD IN YOUR FACE, again. Can we just learn the lesson already, June? Honestly, she's already broken the promise she made to Nick like two episodes ago, to keep herself and Nicole safe, because she followed Luke on this half-assed idea to wander into Gilead-patrolled no-man's-land with no gun, no protection and no real plan aside from "find some dude and quote him Prince", so he could "prove himself" or something. To be honest, I actually respected Luke a lot more for doing his thing, that he knows and does well. Fighting with building codes and fundraising and research file folders and making connections with American bureaucrats. It's certainly not the most effective or quickest way to fight Gilead, but at least it’s something and most wars require multiple levels and strategies of offense and defense. That's his wheelhouse, it's who he is, and he can still be that and also support June in her own way of fighting. And if he really is moved to try her way himself (genuinely, not as some desperate ego driven attempt to not lose her), he needs to get some knowledge because at present he is just not well equipped and is more of a liability than an asset. June may be impulsive and sometimes downright reckless but she at least knows the enemy, she knows the game they're playing and how deadly it is. Luke is trying to play checkers in a game of wizard's chess. His pushing of this mission, in all his inexperience and naïveté , combined with June's natural impulsiveness, her desperation over Hannah AND her eagerness to embrace this new side of Luke that is finally embracing the active fighting side in her, gets them into trouble. And the "fairytale" comes crashing down around them.

#the handmaid's tale #June Osborne #osblaine #tht #the handmaids tale season 5

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wujico · 2 months

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8 months. gone. i feel really selfish lol. here comes a trauma dump/ fun story :p around two years ago, my online best friend of (at the time) three years, suddenly up and blocked me out of nowhere, with no explanation. at the time, i was between friend groups and was completely friendless irl. (they had actually helped me leave my toxic friend group, promising i would have them if i left them). welp they lied and blocked me and didn't offer an explanation 😀😀 i was alone. i cut, i attempted multiple times, and i kept wondering what i did wrong. they blocked me, so i must have hurt them is what i told myself. that entire time i blamed it on myself: "this is why i have no friends" and "i'm the reason everyone leaves me". bla bla bla. basically i had to learn to live life without anybody while dealing with mental health problems and a bunch of undiagnosed shit. flash forward i think close to seven months??? i was getting dreams about them constantly during the time they blocked me; i would imagine they would come back and explain everything and i'd wake up crying when it wasn't true. rinse and repeat. but then i met my best friend irl .... they were the best thing that happened to me. i finally started to get over my other friends- including the one who blocked me. i went to therapy, i stopped cutting for a while etc etc etc wow i am going on and on about backstory that doesn't even matter. anyway, seven months later after i was finally beginning to heal (my green blocked number texts turned from "im so sorry i hurt you" to "fuck you".) well... suddenly they unblocked me. i had the worst panic attack of my life, cut myself, went into a state where i couldnt tell if it was another dream. but.. im a people pleaser by nature. i said it was fine (it wasnt). i told them they didnt hurt me (they did) i agreed we could start over. that was back in 2022.... its been a bit now. we've met up irl (my first time flying alone whoooo). we've gotten in a qpr..things are better! and i really love them. but anyway, tonight they sent me a full ass document of what really happened when they were gone / what lead up to them cutting me off. it was.... a painful read. mostly because they went through so much trauma, pain and manipulation which i wont say here because its bad and its a lot. so thats why i feel selfish!! because even tho theyre sharing this with me, i can only think about pain i went through when they left me so suddenly. i also found out they left me because one of their new friends thought i was a bad person. they threw out all the gifts i ever got for them, they didnt even give me one text for an explanation. i thought they fucking died at first. i even found out that they were purposly distancing themself from me months before they even blocked me- all because of this new friend. they picked that friend over me... so i feel hurt. is that bad? i feel like a bad person. anyway lol i just found out after they blocked their bad friend ... they came crawling back to me. i dont know... it feels like i was just a rebound– they had nothing so they went to someone they knew would give them everything if they asked for it– me.

i just found this all out and read about all their trauma. i dont deserve to even feel upset about this but i am. im so selfish. btw for content, their friend and them blocked me and thought i was bad because "deities" from their "desired reality" (yes they were shifters) told them i was a bad person. (they even asked their pendulum about me!!! 😃😃😃)

so yeah abyway thats my trauma dump for the day since i cant talk to anyone about it

I AM SO SORRY IF YOU READ THROUGH THIS ALL

#storytime #mental illness #depressing shit #digital diary #send help #im dying #im gonna die

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