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black-wolf066 · 5 years

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AOS Robbie Reyes Through the Seasons AU Part 1

(with bonus QuakeRider slow burn added into the mix cause i’m utter trash for those two)

-----Just a warning for those who haven’t seen the show, please stop reading as there will be spoilers in this post (as well as any future posts regarding this AU world. I will not be tagging it as spoilers, so once again, be warned.-------

So, i recently watched all 6 seasons of AOS, and stumbled across this post [Agents of Shield AU] that intrigued and inspired me, and honestly the ideas for this “what if” haven’t left me alone since. Please go and check it out as i don’t wanna take all the credit for this idea.

In terms of turning this into a full fledged story, I more then likely will never start it given my terrible track record when it comes to multi-chapter fics (plus my muse to write anything multi-chapter is completely non-existent at this point). I do, however, love doing ideas/headcannons/story boards cause i find they are easier then taking the time to flesh out scenes and dialogue. Should anyone want to attempt writing this behemoth using my ideas, feel free (just please credit and tag me if you do, mostly cause i really wanna read it).

As I stated in my reblog of the original post linked above, it’s hard to think of ways to incorporate Robbie into the show from the start and barely change any of the plot. While some things will definitely be different as I continue to think up ways to incorporate Robbie into the main cast, i will be sticking to the major plot points (Hydra, Afterlife, Hive, etc).

As far as season 1 goes, i’m still debating on how to proceed with it. Please correct me if i’m wrong, but from my understanding, it sounded like Robbie sold his soul roughly around the time frame of season 2 or mid-way through season 2. If this is in fact true, then i’m not sure if i’ll make it where the deal is struck even earlier or if i’ll be sticking to canon. I’m also not sure if i should make Robbie a main character of season 1, or just a here and there character (part time Agent) until after Shield’s fall.

I have roughly 2-3 different scenarios/re-written backgrounds for season 1.

Season 1 AU idea A: this idea sticks with canon in terms of the deal, so Robbie is a regular human until mid-way through season 2 (unless someone corrects me on my timing for this). Robbie is recruited long before the Bus Team became a thing (still deciding on the how’s, but i have a basic idea that he saw a speed chase and the vans shield was using, even with the tech, couldn’t keeping up with the target. Robbie managed to intercept said target with Lucy thanks to his skill set with racing and shield was able to apprehend the target thanks to his intervention. To me this idea is a little weak in terms of a believable scenario, but that’s the only thing coming to me for a “how he gets recruited” at this current time). Robbie is stationed mostly in LA (to stay close to his brother and uncle) and sometimes him and his team will cross paths with the Bus team. He’s at the hub when Hydra steps out of the shadows and with his team either being traitors or dead, he ends up going with Coulson and his team when they “go dark” and leave the Hub.

Idea B: is basically the same thing as idea A; Robbie’s human, he’s recruited to shield before Coulson puts his team together, but instead of being stationed in LA, he’s one of the agents that Coulson wants to recruit for the Bus. This way Robbie is there through it all (even if he is only a level 1 agent) and his friendship with the team and Skye/Daisy has more of a chance to plant and grow roots rather then just being a reoccurring character.

Idea C: takes either option A or B but with the difference of him being the rider from the start (maybe he’s recruited for the fact he is the rider and could be useful or they recruit him so he can be watched closely since no one knows how to contain the rider within him).

Mostly, i would like to try and stay with canon, so i believe Idea B would be the most ideal since i want Robbie and Skye/Daisy to form a strong friendship in season 1 vs season 2. It would also allow Season 1 and part of season 2 to stay close to canon as possible (since the Rider wouldn’t be an issue)

As far as differences go, should Idea B be used, i would like Robbie and Ward to butt heads (not enough to be annoying, but enough to know that it’s clear they don’t like each other). Maybe Ward rubs Robbie the wrong way and vice versa, but eventually as they continue to do missions together they begin to grow on each other (which will make the betrayal all the harder to stomach)

Robbie is always amused by Fitz-Simmons, both of them reminding him of his uncle and brother in terms of their smarts and banter (for i head-canon that Gabe and Eli would constantly throw science ideas and what-not at the dinner table or in general conversation just as Robbie and Eli would talk cars). When Robbie feels home-sick, you’ll usually find him in the labs with these two, quietly helping where they need it, or simply sitting in a corner reading as the two banter for background noise.

Robbie is a good cook and is usually the person who cooks most nights for the Bus (they may have a rotation to try and keep things fair, but Robbie tends to ignore it. He’s a man who’s hands can’t stay idle, so if he’s not being the team’s mechanic or helping Fitz-Simmons build things for the team, then he’s in the kitchen cooking/baking).

Robbie has a healthy respect for Coulson and May and while Ward is Skye’s SO, May is Robbie’s unofficial SO when it comes to training/sparing (since the two of them are early risers and usually hit the mats around the same time anyway).

Robbie and Skye get along easily the longer they work/live together. They’ll throw harmless insults and movie/tv show references at each other when there’s down time or high-stress situations (though the insults aren’t always so harmless when it’s the later). While Skye and Ward will usually play board games, Robbie and Skye will play Uno (occasionally joined by Fitz-Simmons) or racing games together.

Robbie has a deadly sense of humor that comes out the more he grows comfortable with people, and usually that humor comes out with Fitz or Skye (however that natural part of him will fade or dull once the Rider takes residence in his head).

When Skye breaks the teams trust when she helps Miles, Robbie doesn’t necessarily give her the cold shoulder, but he does make it clear that his trust won’t be so easily won back, she’ll have to earn it.

When Trip joins the team, Robbie gets along with him pretty quickly (once it’s clear he can be trusted anyway). Trip just naturally has that way with people, that natural light and goodness that reminds Robbie of his brother. Not to mention Trip tells some interesting stories (and it also helps that he’ll occasionally give Robbie his grandmothers recipes for certain dishes/treats).

Robbie is not at the secret base when Skye gets kidnapped by Ward, and he regrets it because he would have stayed behind with her, Eric and Ward had he not been so adamant in going on the mission with the rest (feeling too caged in the bunker and wanting something to do). He feels if he had stayed behind, maybe things would have gone differently, maybe Eric would still be alive, maybe Skye wouldn’t have been taken (though the counter-argument, from one of the others, is that he could have just as likely been killed too, since Ward is far more skilled then Robbie).

Again all of season 1 and possibly all of season 2 is just friendship at this point, maybe some un-knowing or some teasing flirting here and there, but mostly just friendship between Robbie and Skye. I don’t think Robbie develops his feelings until after they both are different (with her becoming inhuman and him becoming the vessel for the rider). They bond over their shared differences and struggles as they go through these changes and learn to control it, etc. So i’m thinking more along the lines of beginning of season 3 when his feelings for her start to develop. Not sure if Skye/Daisy’s will develop around the same time, or if she does have similar feelings, they aren’t strong enough yet to warrant pursuing it, hence why she pursues Lincoln instead.

((((((I will end this here for now. I do plan on fleshing the ideas for some of the episodes out a bit more then this, as well as continue my ideas through the rest of the seasons, but for now I’ll leave Season 1 as partially finished in terms of background/relationship development goes.

Please, if you have anything to add to this, i’d love to hear it, or if someone were to attempt to write something like this, i would love to read it.

This AU is such an interesting concept to ponder over, but i feel it’s also a way to see how Robbie was pre-rider. He seemed slightly more care-free, happier, and i really would love to explore that. Adding him into the mix at the beginning and also making him an agent pre-season 1, allows us to play with his character traits a bit more. To see how different he could be with this different path faced before him as well as the character development he’ll go through.

sorry i’m rambling now, but i just can’t help it, i’m totally addicted to this idea and i just can’t let it go.)))))

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daughter-of-the-prophet · 5 years

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Aveline Vallen (TV Tropes)

Action Girl: Hell yes!

Amazonian Beauty: So far, she's the most muscular woman in the Dragon Age franchise (or any other BioWare franchise) to date, but that's not to say she doesn't have a feminine figure. It's really only seen in the prologue, however.

Babies Ever After: Hints that she regrets never having children with Wesley. After she marries Donnic, separate conversations with Isabela and Fenris reveal that they are considering starting a family in the near future.

Aveline and Donnic eventually have a daughter whom they named after Areida Hawke, Aveline's dear friend who brought her and Donnic.

Badass Normal: Deserves special mention; see Establishing Character Moment below.

Battle Couple: With Wesley and later, Donnic. She definitely prefers someone with whom she can be Back-to-Back Badasses.

Beauty, Brains and Brawn: In a trio with Areida and Bethany, Aveline is the Brawn. She's tall and muscular, skilled with sword and shield, and works as a city guard. The others sometimes make jokes about her being able to lift a cow.

Berserk Button: As mentioned below, do NOT question her loyalty or accuse her of coddling her guards.

Big Good: To Kirkwall in Inquisition, after Areida is forced to leave town. Varric notes that "Kirkwall would probably fall into the sea if she ever quit her job."

Big Sister Mentor: Has some shades of this for Areida and Bethany especially. Some cut-dialogues refer to her cornering most of the party and getting them to practice swordsmanship with her (including the mages) and criticizing their techniques.

Breast Plate: Initially played straight during the prologue sequence, in which she sports form-fitting leather armor. Averted for the rest of the story - the metal plate the guards wear is the same general shape for both men and women, giving Aveline no more chances to show off her assets.

Cannot Spit It Out: Towards Donnic. She tries courting him in more subtle ways, but her methods seem to make sense only to her. One of Aveline's ways of trying to court Donnic causes him to mistakenly conclude that Areida is the one awkwardly hitting on him.

Insane Troll Logic: Eventually, Aveline's efforts to woo Donnic get so bad that even when she does explain the reasoning behind her actions, Areida can't argue directly with them because they make no sense.

The Captain: Served as an officer in the Fereldan Army at Ostagar, and later becomes Captain of the Kirkwall City Guard.

The Champion: To the Hawke family during their first year in Kirkwall. She claims it's just to keep Areida out of trouble.

City Guards: Joins the Kirkwall guard after fleeing Ferelden and is promoted to Captain of the Guard after a mission where she investigates her superior's corruption.

Clear My Name: In Act 3, Cullen alerts Areida that Aveline is accused of coddling her men, and urges her to speak with Aveline and clear up the issue. Aveline takes the accusation extremely personally and goes on a bit of a rampage to settle the matter. See Cowboy Cop, below.

Comically Serious: Especially when paired with Varric and Isabela.

Cowboy Cop: Even as Da Chief, she has no problem telling authority where to shove it and will bend the rules for the sake of her friends.

However, do not ever question whether she is going soft on the men under her command and coddling certain individuals (Donnic). When the Templars force Areida to investigate her on this in Act 3, they set out to prove that Donnic is doing the same routes as the other men, if not more dangerous, and most of her men are fighting for their lives twice a week to keep Kirkwall safe.

Da Chief: Eventually reaches this position on the Guard.

Defector from Decadence: Aveline's mysterious father. "Orlais has a game. He wouldn't play it. I never cared to ask further."

Depending on the Artist: Her official art is... considerably more mannish when compared to her in-story model.

Did We Just Have Tea with Cthulhu?: During the Prologue and on Sundermount in Act 1, Aveline appears to be the only person in the group who actually recognises that talking to the Witch of the Wilds is not something any sane person would want to do.

Drill Sergeant Nasty: Borderline; she trains with each guard individually and makes certain that they know what they are doing. They certainly think that it's Training from Hell. She bonds with each of the guards as well, which takes the edge off of it.

She also asks Areida to allow her to have her dog, Maximus, help her train, to see if her people can handle a "good old-fashioned Mabari charge." Brings about a Pet the Dog moment (almost literally) later, as she rewards Maximus with some contraband mutton that was seized

Establishing Character Moment: One of the first things she does is tackle a darkspawn that severely wounded Wesley and punch it into submission before lever-cutting its head off with its own sword. She proceeds to fight the rest of the horde with the intention of saving her husband or dying with him.

Expose the Villain, Get His Job: Her personal quest in Act 1.

Failure Knight: Her sometimes obsessive need to protect everyone seems to be the reason she latches onto looking after the Hawke family. It is implied to have largely stemmed from her guilt at being unable to save Wesley.

Fantastic Racism: A much more subtle and realistic (and likely unintentional) example than most, but she doesn't see any issue with elves being segregated into impoverished ghettos, nor elves being forced to sleep in stables and out-buildings (just like farm animals) in towns too small to fit an alienage, and seems mildly surprised when Merrill (an elven companion) gets upset to hear it.

She also takes her time looking to the "rumors" of one of her guards raping an elven woman, but immediately cracks down on the brothers of the alleged rape victim (also the ones who accused him) when they got tired of waiting for her to do anything about it and killed him.

Femininity Failure: She gets teased about being "mannish" by hard-drinking, hard-fucking, foul-mouthed Isabela. That's how badly she fails at femininity. That said, it doesn't usually bother or cause any trouble for her, but it does prompt her personal quest in the second act where she needs help getting the guy she's interested in to even realise that she's a woman.

Fire-Forged Friends: At the start of the story, she bonds with the Hawke family when they fight their way out of Lothering together.

Good People Have Good Sex: After Aveline marries Donnic, Isabela offers some tips on how they can spice up their sex life. Aveline lets her know Donnic needs no help in that department.

Hair-Trigger Temper: At least where card games are concerned, according to Fenris and Donnic.

Happily Married: With Wesley before the beginning of the story. Later with Donnic.

Heterosexual Life-Partners: With Areida.

Hollywood Atheist: Averted; Aveline has no issue with the Chantry or those who believe in the Maker (she even married a Templar), but she doesn't seem to believe herself. She says that she thinks the Chant is lovely, but perhaps that is all it needs to be.

Honorary Aunt: Like Isabela, Aveline becomes an Aunt like figure towards Anders and Areida's children. They call her "Aunt Aveline".

Hypocrite: The reason she gives for pursuing the elven vigilantes is "they took the law into their own hands," yet she tolerates Areida taking the law into her own hands every day, and potentially does it herself when she joins Areida on missions.

I Let Gwen Stacy Die: Wesley's death remains a sore spot for her for a good half of the story, partially because she feels she should have been able to prevent it. Her fear of losing anything else drives many of her actions throughout the story.

Idiot Ball: Played for Laughs. She's a bright, talented, and quick-thinking guardswoman... but her intelligence plummets when it comes to dealing with Donnic. Case in point? While trying to be romantic with him, she turns it into a conversation about the sharpness of swords.

Played for Drama when she refuses to look into the cases of kidnapped Hightown women, which contributes to Leandra being kidnapping and murdered by the same serial killer, something she denies any responsibility for afterward.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: As strict as she can be and as cold as she can be to the other companions, she's fiercely loyal to those she cares about and always attempts to do what she considers to be right.

Lantern Jaw of Justice: Rare female example.

Married to the Job: Apparently the reason she's having such difficulty with romancing Donnic. Even though she was once married, she's thrown herself into her work so much, she's forgotten how not to be a guard for a while.

Matchmaker Quest: Her personal quest in Act 2 involves her attempting to court Guardsman Donnic. They eventually get married.

A Mother To Her Men: Particularly seen in Act 3. The men and women of the city guard revere her, to the point that they unanimously refuse to join ex-Captain Jeven in his smear campaign to have her removed. Donnic says that there's not a single member of the guard who would hesitate to follow her across the Void itself if she asked.

My Beloved Smother: She's not their mother but she definitely acts this way towards the others during party banters, especially Areida and Bethany.

Foreshadowed slightly in Act 1 party banter with Bethany, who asks her why she and Wesley never had children; Aveline explains that their respective careers forced them to put the prospect on hold. When Bethany asks if she regrets it now that Wesley is gone, Aveline replies, not unkindly, that the question is too personal. It's possible that she sees her companions as surrogates for the children she never had. She does however, have a daughter with Donnic.

Named After Somebody Famous: An In-Universe example; Aveline was the name of the first female Chevalier.

She actually doesn't seem fond of the symbolism, (though it fits her perfectly), calling the name "a wish [her] father made," and expressing relief that Fenris doesn't know the story of Ser Aveline. By the end of the story, though, she seems much more sure of herself and has come to terms with it.

Never My Fault: When it comes to being a City Guard, Aveline is always convinced she's right.

She straight-up denies any responsibility for Leandra being kidnapped and murdered, even after Areida asked her to look into the disappearances of Hightown women, which Avline had refused to do despite it being her job as Captain of the City Guard.

No Guy Wants an Amazon: Ser Wesley and Guardsman Donnic are the exceptions that prove the rule; almost everyone else finds her intimidating and off-putting, as other party members point out. According to Isabela, she's a "woman-shaped battering ram."

Non-Answer: When Aveline and Areida go to confront the Arishok, the elven converts claim that one of her guards raped their sister and they tried to report him many times, but got turned away each time. When Areida asks Aveline if this is true, she responds, "There are rumors. I'll look into them."

No Social Skills: Most noticeable during her bizarre efforts to romance Guardsman Donnic.

Not So Above It All: In Act 3, she has evolved an Odd Friendship with Isabela. Any time Aveline deadpan snarks at her, Isabela warmly says, "That's my girl!" At one point, Aveline has apparently invited Isabela to a family dinner, but she didn't show up because she didn't think she'd fit in; Aveline disagrees.

Isabela: "How's marriage been treating you, big girl?"

Aveline: "It's been good. No, great. I'd forgotten what it was like to..."

Isabela: "Be flipped ass over tits and hammered like a bent nail?"

Aveline: "To. Be. Loved."

Isabela: "Oh. Right, of course."

Aveline: (coyly) "Not that I'm complaining about the other thing."

Odd Friendship: With Fenris and Isabela.

The Only One Allowed to Defeat You: Aveline invokes this when Arishok says he must take Isabela back along with the book she stole: "Oh, no. If anyone's going to kick her ass, it's me."

Reasonable Authority Figure: As Captain of the Guard. Under her command, the guard is the most efficient and respected it's been in generations, though once Meredith takes over, some of the Templars seem to be making it a point to limit her influence and try to oust her from her position.

Despite her late husband having been a Templar, she refuses to turn Bethany in to the Templars, since she at least tries to do good. She also makes no efforts to turn in Merrill or Anders, and does her best to keep the patrolling guards from taking notice of Fenris squatting in the Hightown mansion.

Replacement Goldfish: Though never outright stated, Aveline maintains her strong bond with Areida likely because she's the closest thing Aveline has to family. Bethany will even question why Aveline continues to follow Areida, and Aveline skirts the answer.

Secular Hero: Aveline is the closest to agnosticism on team Hawke. She married a Templar and sometimes refers to the Maker, but doesn't generally worry about religion and is skeptical of the Chantry's stance that "the less [he] does, the more he's proven".

Aveline: "Wesley's at the Maker's side, or he's not."

Significant Green-Eyed Redhead: The first companion Areida meets, as well as one of the most important ones after becoming captain of the guard.

Slut-Shaming: Does this to Isabela on an extremely regular basis. Isabela takes it in stride.

Skewed Priorities: When a group of elven brothers formally reported that one of her guards raped their sister, she dismisses it as "rumors" that she'll look into eventually. When those same elven brothers killed the guard they reported, Aveline dropped what she was doing to arrest them first thing.

When tentions between the Qunari and Kirkwall are reaching their breaking point, Aveline decides to antagonize the Arishok even further by demanding he hand over the elven converts whose sister she put off seeking justice for, becoming the last straw that breaks his patience and plunging the city into open warfare.

Socially Awkward Hero:

"Yes, and it's a real nice night for an evening."

One of her gifts to Donnic is a copper engraving of marigolds. Odd enough to get a man (and specifically a watchman, who'd you think would be a practical type) a picture of flowers, but in traditional floriography, marigolds represent grief and cruelty. Whoops. Her reasoning behind the gift borders on Insane Troll Logic: "Metal is strong, flowers are soft, copper ages well. I thought it was clear."

Stone Wall: Her specialization focuses on defense and protecting party members. Thanks to her Indomitable ability, she's the only party member with a built-in immunity to the final boss's "stun you all so I can monologue" move. Should she be knocked out, the others' reactions are equal parts concern and astonishment that it actually happened.

Varric: "Sweet mother of green cheeses, how'd they take that woman down?!"

Merrill: "By the Creators, Aveline has fallen!"

Fenris: "Aveline has fallen?"

Straight Man and Wise Guy: The Straight Man to Varric and Isabela's Wise Guy.

Take Up My Sword: Upon first encounter, she wields a two-handed greatsword. After Wesley loses the use of his sword arm, and later dies, she takes up a Sword & Shield style like him. Her starting shield in Act 1 is Wesley's.

Taking Up the Mantle: By the time of Inquisition, Aveline is still leading the guard, and Bran's letter all but calls her Areida's successor as Kirkwall's protector.

Team Dad: Gender-flipped, alongside Varric's Team Mom. Most of her conversations with the party involve her providing some form of advice or critiquing their lifestyle choices. It's also said that she has people spying on most of the others and bends the rules a bit if necessary in hopes of keeping them out of trouble.

She's particularly protective of Areida, and the only person besides Anders who really takes time to console a devastated Areida after her mother's murder. Notably, she's the only companion to whom Areida seems to feel comfortable admitting that "My heart's broken" about the whole thing - even Varric, who is Areida's best friend, doesn't have this conversation.

Made especially clear by a line she says when she drinks a health potion:

Aveline: “I hope no one else needs this!”

To Be Lawful or Good: Establishes herself as being on the "Good" side of things at all times early in Act 1, despite having only just taken the job. She remains lawful only so long as it is useful in her quest to do good. When the two conflict, there is never a moment's hesitation in her mind.

Tragic Keepsake: Wesley's shield. She later clarifies it's less about Wesley and more just holding onto the last pieces of her old life.

Tsundere: A Type A, especially towards Isabela. Wesley and Donnic both seem to be the only people who constantly get her softer side.

Vitriolic Best Buds: With Isabela towards the end of the story. She eventually starts barking "Shut up, whore" with an obvious twinge of affection.

Widow Woman: Ser Wesley, her Templar husband, dies shortly after meeting the Hawke family due to darkspawn taint. Aveline Mercy Kill him. She eventually remarries, though.

Workaholic: The Codex notes that her life revolves around guarding others; when she's not on-duty as a city guard, she's guarding Areida and her friends. After her personal quests are completed, she starts to relax a little bit. Discussed by Varric in some dialogue in Act 1, when he asks what she does.

Aveline: "You know I'm a guard, why are you asking?"

Varric: "I mean in your off-duty hours? For fun? You've heard of it, I hope?"

Aveline: "These are my off-duty hours."

Varric: "And the trend of you scaring the piss out of me continues..."

You Can't Go Home Again: Discussed. "That's supposed to be about maturity. It's not the same if you don't have the option."

#dragon age #dragon age 2 #aveline vallen #TV Tropes

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cryptoriawebb · 7 years

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Dead Men Tell No Tales: review

What the hell, gotta start somewhere.

When I first heard about this movie, I initially wrote it off. The Pirates of the Caribbean franchise has been around for so long and unlike, say, the Marvel Cinematic Universe or even the X-men films (of which I am personally partial to) they haven’t made any particular, long-standing mark, beyond Jack Sparrow as a character himself. That, and I wasn’t particularly impressed with On Stranger Tides. The story, I felt at the time, had wrapped up enough there needn’t be any further sequels, and standalone films (because that is what it felt like) seemed like nothing more than an excuse to keep pumping merchandise and Depp working in Hollywood.

However. I admit I have not seen On Stranger Tides since its release in 2011. I’m thinking I may go back and rewatch the entire saga, see if my overall opinion changes. I quite liked the first film, particularly the horrific angles and that it drew primary inspiration from a theme park attraction. When I heard this fifth installment was supposed to echo the first one in tone and supernatural involvement, I began to change my mind about writing it off. Then I saw the most recent trailer, a trailer that not only included Orlando Bloom, whom I assumed, along with Keira Knightly, left the franchise to pursue other opportunities, but Will and Elizabeth’s son. I admit, I’m a sucker for family relationship and tragic stories, and while yes, I would have been fine with leaving things At World’s End, a small part of me has always wondered what happened to the Turners after. Truthfully, I think I might have preferred a film focusing more on Bloom and less on Jack Sparrow; Jack’s…a unique eccentric, but as I said, I’m a sucker for tragedy.

Before I go any further I’d like to point out I tend to be anal about continuity. However many years apart these films are (any franchise, actually) they’re all telling one long story and things ought to flow as smoothly as possible. So I was a little confused, watching young Henry’s interaction with his father. If I remember correctly, Will could only return to land once every ten years, and the third film ended with the Dutchman sailing towards them. I may be wrong about that last part but I know for sure there was a ten year waiting period before reunion. So was this the first meeting between father and son? It didn’t seem that way, but the dialogue between them felt so melodramatic I couldn’t tell for sure. I’d like to think maybe it wasn’t, maybe Henry spent some months after meeting his father for the first time studying the Dutchman and mythology so he could find him at sea. Maybe along the lines of ‘finally meeting your father, seeing how much he cared for his family and how painful it was to say goodbye’ or something.

I blame the script more on Bloom’s delivery than the words themselves. I mean, they weren’t…the most original, reminded me of a soap opera, really, but there just didn’t seem to be any spark from Bloom, little or no energy. I don’t know if that was intentional or not but it kind of dampened what could have been a really dramatic moment. Ten years spent cursed among the dead…separated from your family against your will, that’s a lot to work with. I will say the boy who played Henry did a decent job capturing that urgent determination. I only wish it were reciprocated…

I’m not going to lie, part of me hoped, purely from a story perspective, Elizabeth had died. I think it might have added a little more to Henry’s character in adulthood; at the same time, I really did want to see the family reunited and I wasn’t expecting Knightly to appear, which might be why I informed my initial opinion. Off-screen mentions without appearance weakens a character’s intensity.

Honestly, I don’t have as much to say, scene-by-scene. Much of the film ran as most of in this franchise do: ludicrous schemes by Jack and his crew, chases and impromptu/chaotic character introductions, Barbossa’s sudden appearance, even the eerie sorcerous-types. Don’t get me wrong, the story itself contained elements I didn’t see coming; I’m referring to the overall method of delivery—the journey itself as opposed to the stops along the way.

I do want to mention Salazar before I forget. His opening scene was fantastic and probably my favorite moment in the film. It was, and such a tease. I’d hoped by the way he looked and carried himself I was in for a really dark, horrific ride. Instead, that promise fell a bit flat in favor of quirky inflection and sexual innuendo. I will give the movie points for blending both the dark and humor well together: I’ve seen a few movies over the last couple of years fail spectacularly in this regard. And I also admit my inclinations for the spooky really are more personal preference than anything implied by promotion. It has been a few years since I’ve seen the first movie; it may not be quite as dark or scary as I remember, older as I am now.

Back to Salazar…he was by far my favorite part of the film. Yes, I have seen a lot of villains driven half-mad by revenge, but he held a kind of captivating power about him when on-screen. I couldn’t look away. Normally I’m not the biggest fan of computer-generated effects over the practical but it worked really well for Salazar and his crew. His face, his hair…when he first introduced himself as death I genuinely thought he might be. I would certainly by Death having a vendetta against Jack. He escaped…twice now? Technically? Although not without help, if I’m remembering correctly. Going back to effects, I was absolutely fascinated by he and his crew: you could tell even before the backstory they walked exactly as they died—his hair mimicking the water he drowned in I didn’t catch until the flashback but damn…such a cool effect. I do also want to point out what practical effects there were though. Salazar’s mouth—really all their mouths. I watched a bonus feature included in the first film some years ago that went in detail about applying ‘pirate teeth’ to the actors. I’m sure methods have changed over the years, but it’s no less interesting. Oh, and the black blood, or whatever it was…that was truly horrifying. I loved it. Salazar was by far my favorite character in this film and in my opinion, its one notable highlight.

Praise aside, I’m not sure introducing a new villain in the ‘final’ film was the best decision. It hurts me to say it because again, I loved Salazar, but I really think bringing someone back, someone the audience saw perish on one of Jack’s adventures, someone who blamed him or perhaps actively pursued and failed to capture/stop/kill him, might have added emotional weight. I had read there was speculation regarding Norrington’s return; I personally would have preferred this. He really came into his own as a character and serves as a prime example of what getting involved with Jack Sparrow can do. To see him undead and commanding a power he never possessed in life would have been so…I don’t want to say horrifying again but it would have. Especially a reunion with Barbossa!

Don’t get me wrong, I do think there is importance and significance in delving into Jack’s past. We see a lot of who Jack is and hear of what he’s done but we never see who he was and what made him the way he is. Though Jack isn’t my favorite character I know he’s the heart of this franchise and he deserves development, too. He’s constantly called ‘the worst pirate [I’ve] ever heard of.’ And that’s true, he really isn’t a good pirate…but he carries with him the essence of someone who once was. He still sees himself as this great, untouchable captain and I bet that’s why he’s stepped in so many times and prevented a lot of awful things from happening. That, and I’m sure some part of him cares about the people he’s with (which in hindsight may be why some people see him as a poor excuse for a pirate.) I don’t know…this isn’t meant to be a character study. Just some things to think about.

While not entirely necessary I did find it cool, seeing how Jack achieved much of his iconic attire. And where the compass came from…although I can’t for the life of me remember why it’s tied to the Devil’s Triangle. I really should have rewatched the other movies beforehand.

As far as the other new characters, I was pleasantly impressed. I worried I’d see copies of Will and Elizabeth in Henry and Carina; while there were small nods here and there both stood out as individuals, Carina especially. I was afraid she’d follow the same trend several female protagonists seem to suffer from lately; namely, a staple for female empowerment and nothing more. Thankfully, she wasn’t. Yes, she was strong-willed and stubborn but so is most everyone in this franchise and those traits are not at all signs of surefire propaganda. Adding astronomy/horology to her character also helped her stand out; I haven’t seen a character in the PotC world yet really touch on it, and it’s such a fascinating concept, at least to me, in historical fiction. Before the world of google and apple maps, there were stars. And people who could read them as easily as Siri can our phones fascinate me.

Loved her banter with Henry, too. It was cute, playful but not without that stubbornness on both ends. I’m usually adverse to the whole ‘love interest’ subplot; there’s hardly enough time in movies and during ones that move ahead, rarely any chemistry. I didn’t mind these two, even though I expected it. I think that lively, friendly spirit between them helped: they felt a lot more like equals than a lot of other romances I’ve seen on-screen lately. Speaking of the on-screen experience, I did not at all expect her to be Barbossa’s daughter. I’ve seen enough movies now I can usually predict most twist and turns; I didn’t at all see this coming. That was a pleasant surprise, especially when so much else about this film carried an almost fatigued familiarity. I did enjoy it, and I would probably go see it again, if only to see if there’s more to pick up, but it never once heightened the stakes beyond what this series has come to be known for. That, in my opinion, was probably the greatest tragedy.

Going back to the characters, because I’ve still more to say, I’m repeatedly amazed how Barbossa’s character continues to develop. In my personal opinion, he stands out the most because of it. Looking back on where he came from in the first film to now…there’s a real, honest heart and realness to him—you really feel what he feels and I was genuinely saddened by his death. I know someone had to die—someone usually does in ‘final’ chapters but I really wish it hadn’t been Barbossa. I think some of this is definitely attributed to Geoffrey Rush, but some of it, too, to the script and direction. When he learned the truth about Carina, you could really see and feel what he felt; this continued in every scene following her but didn’t disrupt the pirate he was. Rather, I think it allowed another side only previously glimpsed to come out. Not just in previous films, but this one, too. I find it really interesting, and maybe clever, now, that he’s introduced as this lavish, temperamental ruler of the high seas. One might get the implication he’s become shallow, callous and full of himself, but this begins to change as his men begin to die and you discover more has changed than first assumed.

I really do wish Jack had been given an arc like Barbossa. Maybe not a surprise child, but something that drew more from him than his eccentricities. Although…one might argue the drunk, down on his luck pirate is development in of himself. We’ve seen Jack at his high points, but he isn’t where he was anymore and I wonder if the alcohol and insistence on tribute and whatnot are an attempt to cling to that greatness he once held…I digress. I would have liked to see more. Especially if this is the final installment. Jack is back on top again, but I’m not…entirely sure he earned it? If that makes any sense. He felt a lot more like a passenger in this film, an observer as opposed to an active participant. Strange, given the villain’s primary motives. In that regard, it is interesting when comparing him to Barbossa. At the start of the first film, they were in opposite positions. I mean Jack didn’t rule the high seas but he carried himself with an air that implied he believed it.

That sums up most of what I had to say. There are a few loose ends, however:

1) Why did no one age? Hollywood has this bizarre notion we can just pretend however many years have passed despite no one except the young characters aging. I don’t buy it, and I don’t like it. Barbossa was the only one I felt who looked older, but only just. I would have liked to see Jack with a bit of gray in his hair, or Elizabeth with a few more lines. I’m fine with Will not aging, it makes sense for his character and it’s kind of interesting to think about: he’s spent so long aboard that ship, so long trapped in his cursed state while his son’s grown up…and for Will, physically, it’s like almost no time has passed at all.

2) I’m glad Gibbs is back. He’s always been my favorite member of Jack’s crew. I did, however, miss those two goofy pirates. I forget their names, but one of them had a glass/wooden eye. They were always such fun characters and I can’t for the life of me remember what happened to them at the end of the last film (third film?)

3) Paul McCartney! Didn’t recognize him until afterwards. I enjoyed the exchange, but I admit, that little scene confused me; I wondered if Uncle Jack had been mentioned or seen before. Now I understand.

4) Did Barbossa know about the triton the whole time? Did he really believe it and study the location? I can’t remember.

5) That possession scene was not nearly as freaky as it could have been. Salazar seemed so assured the Triton would fix everything it kind of killed its encompassing awe. There should have been more emotional weight and it should have lasted longer. I think that would have helped heighten the stakes. Everything in this movie was ‘a little of this, a little of that.’ Sampling but never having a full dish to yourself.

6) I would have loved to see Poseidon. He’s one of my favorite Greek gods...although I doubt he’d actually look remotely Greek, but that’s another personal thing. I’m wondering if we’ll see him in a later film, now that his triton’s been destroyed. Or maybe he and the other gods have long since vanished—it kind of seems that way, with Calypso being a remaining oddity. Maybe the triton is a lone remaining artifact. Although I’m still surprised there wasn’t more protecting it. I can appreciate a different angle, although I think it hurt any direness the climax might have held.

7) Speaking of the gods, do their curses remain in place, with the triton broken? That was never made clear…I hope so. I love the mythos of the sea and if this isn’t the last movie I’d like to see it brought back in some way. It’s always (well, once I got over my crush on Jack) been my biggest draw.

8) What happened to Bootstrap Bill? Did he not board land with Will at the end of the film? Are we to assume he did even though we didn’t see it? Given the parallels between generations of fathers and sons, I’d hoped we’d see something more of him.

9) Speaking of Will’s return, I did tear up a little but I felt Bloom’s acting fell flat, again. I really hope that’s just me though. I loved Will’s character arc and if there is another film I hope it follows the buzz I’ve heard so far: focusing on him and his son. Provided Orlando’s up for it, of course. I don’t want to sit through two and a half something hours of him half-assing it.

10) Didn’t expect Keira’s cameo either. That was really touching.

11) Davy Jones????? Is he back? Wikipedia (yes, Wikipedia) said the Triton freed him from Calypso. I’m wondering if that means curses set upon by gods remain unaffected by the triton. It would explain that slimy, tentacle-silhouette. But if he has returned, then why? How? Is he the last cursed creature of the sea? What does he have against Will, now? And will there be another movie?

12) Less a critique and more personal wishlist: I wanted more skeleton pirates. I don’t know how or why, but I wanted them. Really bring everything full circle although I have no idea how you’d bring it back. Maybe Salazar succeeds in ‘killing’ Jack or something but the Triton’s power gets in the way? I have no idea. That final battle in the first film was so memorable I really wanted to see something similar. I also wanted to see the Dutchman in action. The sea was literally parted, how cool would it be to see that ship swimming alongside one wall?

I really need to rewatch these movies. So many unanswered questions! I can’t believe I’m getting excited about PotC again…never thought that would happen in a million years.

#pirates of the caribbean #dead men tell no tales review #jack sparrow #will turner #henry turner #hector barbossa #carina barbossa #armando salazar #returnedtothecrypt

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erickmalpicaflores · 5 years

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Erik Malpica Flores Erik Malpica Flores recommends: What’s The Opposite of Lit(t)?

Photo by: Ian Watson/USA Network

When SUITS last left the team at [Insert Firm Name Here], it was time for the latest in a long series of name-partner changes. This time, for lack of anyone left to hold the title, it was Louis Litt’s turn to take a stab at running the series’ central business. As anyone who has seen even a single episode could predict, Louis’ first day as the boss didn’t exactly run smoothly; and as a mid-season opener, “Rocky 8” was probably the opposite of what the youths would call “lit.”

The new boss. Remember when Robert Zane and Harvey Specter were bickering like toddlers, and Louis Litt was lit(t)erally the only lawyer left at the firm who was behaving in a mature manner? Well, enough of that character development. Louis prepared himself for his first day as managing partner by being ridiculously extra as he talked to himself in front of his own mirror. Then, when he was finished with psyching himself out, it was time to go parade his way through the halls of All The Names On The Wall, reaching up for denied high-fives and smacking random employees on the butt.

Because professional.

A little bit of strutting might have been expected for SUITS’ “comic relief” character, but 84 years of it, complete with inappropriate touching, wasn’t exactly the way to start season 8.5 off with a bang. And the blatantly unprofessional behavior, all for the sake of what amounts to a pre-pubescent boy’s idea of comedy, didn��t stop there. When Harvey’s case of the week inevitably went down a troublesome path and, at Robert’s insistence, Harvey approached Louis about the case…Well. This happened: “I intend to be the world’s best delegator. If I’m going to do that, there’s no way I can try to tame you. And what I definitely can’t do is put a saddle on you, much less try to ride you bareback.”

Har, har. Louis doesn’t understand that “ride you bareback” can be seen as sexual. All the comedy!

Even when Harvey expressed his discomfort with the metaphor, Louis just plowed right on with it. There was also a fair amount of arm-caressing, complete with a finishing “giddyup!” and slap on the ass. (Because we hadn’t seen enough of those. Just locker room behavior, I guess. Forget the increased focus on workplace harassment, especially in film, following the #MeToo movement…)

Even if that exchange was read for the intended humor, there was still the small matter of Louis being, at least initially, incapable of doing any managing. When one of his longtime clients needed assistance, he threw a tantrum, refusing to give the client up, even after Donna reminded him of his job duties.

By the end of the SUITS mid-season premiere, after a pretty big confrontation, in which Donna — rightfully — reminded Louis that she was the one who put him in the position of managing partner, Louis was finally ready to manage. After being given the case, then yanked off of it, Alex was able to help Louis’ client, Thomas Kessler, solve all of his problems; the Robert and Harvey situation was handled with a “genius” suggestion from Louis himself; and everyone lived happily ever after.

For now.

Remember when Harvey had no idea how to behave like a managing partner until Donna taught him? Yeah. Louis is no different. We love consistently substituting one character for another in a recycled plot!

“This is about handing Andrew Malik a big, fat public knockout.” On Louis’ first day as managing partner, Harvey showed his respect for his frenemy-turned-boss by showing up late to work. But contrary to assumption, he didn’t oversleep after having nightmares about making Louis managing partner: He was busy researching his latest chance to go after his arch-nemesis, Andrew Malik.

Ostensibly, Harvey’s reason for going after Malik was that he wanted to get some justice for Jessica Pearson. Which, ok. We’ll believe that. But I’ve got a bridge to sell anyone who thinks it wasn’t, at least partially, about Harvey’s inability to handle the fact that the other man had beaten him — and on more than one occasion.

The case-of-the-week had to do with a boxer throwing a match, which left the SUITS writers plenty of opportunities to give Harvey sport-related dialogue. (No, no. Not the usual opportunities for Harvey to talk in sport-speak, extra ones!) There were also plenty of chances for Harvey to step into the ring in something other than his business suit, but alas. Those opportunities were missed.

Anyone who watches SUITS for the cases and is sorely missing the Harvey-Mike dynamic probably loved “Rocky 8.” The reason? New OTP, Robert Zane and Harvey Specter. Rarvey? Hobert? Zecter? Who cares what the name is: These guys are amazing together, even in an otherwise weak episode. All of that classic SUITS banter was back; and it was finally, finally time to see Wendell Pierce and Gabriel Macht working together for more than the half-second spurts that they seemed to share in the first ten episodes of the season. Take a guy out of the managing partner role, and he suddenly exists. Who knew?

Aside from Harvey’s complete lack of a soul when faced with the decision of whether or not to throw a guy with brain damage and a family to provide for under the bus, the latest round of Specter (and Zane!) vs. Malik was about as well done as could be expected. And when the job ended with an actual win for “our” side, it was the type of nice wrap-up that SUITS just usually doesn’t provide.

Sure, Malik’s parting words were a clear threat, just to let viewers know that we’d (obviously) see him again, but: “Tomorrow’s going to be what tomorrow’s going to be, Andy. But for today? Jessica Pearson sends her regards.”

We’ll take it.

Things we won’t take: Donna, what are you doing? Let’s try to keep this as brief as possible because SUITS is exhausting with the lack of follow-through or attention to its own canon details.

Thomas Kessler is a client at a firm at which Donna Paulsen is COO. But despite her “rules” about not shitting where she eats, she just couldn’t resist flirting with the guy and giving him a pet name: Stupid.

(Pretty sure she’s used that one on Harvey, too. Or was it Dummy? Something.)

Donna has broken this rule before, with disastrous results. Remember Stephen Huntley from that (awful) British invasion plot? Right.

So, to be clear: Twelve years of shameless flirting, putting themselves on the line for each other, and clearly being more than just secretary and boss meant nothing when it came to Harvey. Or, well. It meant enough to force the man into being what he hated most — unfaithful — before Donna said she felt nothing. And it meant enough for Harvey to end his first supposedly “real” relationship in, like, ever because he chose Donna over Paula.

…but the rules always applied to Darvey, whereas they don’t to Donna and Louis’ surprise longtime client, whom no one has ever heard of before now. There’s no history there, nothing to make this worth breaking a rule — much like Stephen wasn’t worth it. Though, to be fair, Stephen came around early enough in the series that he could’ve been used as either a stepping stone or a lesson learned, neither of which were actually the case — but hey, let’s have Thomas flirt with Donna and ask her out. Even when she says no because he’s a client, let’s have him promise to ask her one more time after she’s had a chance to “think” more. (Women love being pursued after they’ve turned a guy down, totally. Nailed it.) Because she, apparently, wasn’t thinking when she was trying to be professional.

Was there chemistry? Who knows? Quite frankly, why does anyone care 8.5 seasons in? Shoutout to Stu, who, like Harvey, has chemistry and an established history with Donna but will never be a thing with her.

And after a long-awaited, likely completely off-screen, girls’ night with Gretchen, Katrina, and Sam, Donna will make the decision to date Thomas. Because why not?

It’s not exactly as if either Donna or Harvey’s character development matters, when SUITS can constantly rewrite its own stories anyway.

But wait! There’s more!

“I want this firm to be the same as it ever was.” So, constantly on the verge of collapse? Always with the drama? Retelling the same story over and over again for 8 years? Cool!

“Have you met Samantha Wheeler? I’m not going to make an enemy out of her.” The mood.

“Robert, did you know there are 12 different synonyms for the word ‘incompetent?’” “And after he signs this, there’s going to be a thirteenth: Malik.” I ship it.

“With you overcoming the difficulties of being white, you must’ve thought you’d never make it.” “And you, having to deal with the struggles of being a man.” Meanwhile, Samantha had to overcome institutionalized misogyny, while Alex had to prove himself in spite of the color of his skin. But that’s none of my business.

“I will no longer be getting your coffee, getting your car washed, or trimming your neck hair.” Thankfully, it turns out that Gretchen was joking and has never done any of those things…which begs the question of why Donna was ever, especially as COO, expected to have coffee ready for Harvey.

Speaking of: “There’s this little thing called a kitchen. Just walk down the hall, past reception, and take a left at ‘I’ve never heated up your coffee, and I’m not about to start now.’” So, the mutual delivery of coffee was personal — or just seen however viewers wanted to see it. Noted.

“I know Jessica was your mentor, but she was also my friend.” Imagine getting to call Jessica Pearson your friend. Legends only, here.

“And for the record, my playbook is a lot deeper than just Samantha Wheeler.” “So, she did it for you then.” “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Samantha is to Robert as Donna is to literally everyone else. The end!

I counted at least two references to “co-ed bathrooms” as the biggest joke/worst thing ever. Your home bathrooms, Target’s family restrooms, Starbucks’ gender neutral bathrooms, and countless single-stall/single-sex toilets across the country say hi. Har, har. So funny, though.

Not a fan of pitting Samantha and Katrina against one another. Am a fan of Katrina figuring out who she wants to be as a lawyer (yet another lesson from Donna, of course) and, eventually, establishing herself amongst the other major players.

Big, big fan of a ladies’ night…whether we get to see it or not.

“Do I look like I don’t have nothing to do but to come and watch ROCKY VII with your lonely ass?” Darvey? I don’t know her. Rarvey (or whatever we’re callingn them) is where it’s at.

Don’t miss the next all-new SUITS episode on Wednesday, January 30, at 10/9c on USA.

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