#also peanut butter jars

[broke-art-girl]

I was explaining the movie Saltburn to my mom as we left the golden corral and were on our way to dollar general yesterday.

I wanted to watch it with her because I thought that it would be funny, but I also figured I would warn her about the pretty shocking scenes that take place. You know cuz I knew nothing about this movie and was pretty shocked when I watched it. Lol.

She of course was weirded out by the bathtub scene and gagged at the Oliver and Venetia scene but then I get to the grave scene...

This woman straight up said, "Thats either a very hard peter, or very soft dirt. You gotta be really desperate to go digging holes with your junk. That's like that scene in American pie, this guy gets a pie that's cooling on a window seal because his friends tell him that "it feels like a woman," so then he.. sticks his thing in the pie.. and.. well..."

Let me tell you one thing, I am gen z, and have never watched the movie American pie, but this was about as shocking coming from my mother's mouth as watching Saltburn with no context of the movie. I hadn't watched the trailer or anything.

I straight-up thought this movie was just a queer love story. Boy was I wrong...

I just responded by saying "..he dug the hole with his hand..." And the car went silent for a minute.

Then my mom goes, "Have you ever watched American pie?"

And I said, "No and I probably won't now."

Then she chuckles and goes "Oh, I'm sorry."

What was I supposed to say to that? 🤣🤣🤣

Edit*

I completely forgot about the almost identical Peach scene from Call Me By Your Name. I could have been like "oh yeah I also watched a movie where a guy sticks his weiner in some fruit... But he was gay so..."

#saltburn #movies #mother daughter relationship #i love my mom #<3 #funny #felix saltburn #American pie #gen z #cmbyn #call me by your name #peaches #peace scene #fruity men #I also told her never to eat out of a peanut butter jar that was hollow in the center #she asked me why #I told her why XD

[creepycr4wly]

Jevil's eyes pop out on springs just like his head does i know because toby fox came to my house and told me himself

#he also told me jevil likes to eat spoonfuls of peanut butter out of the jar with no water #my ghastly creations #jevil deltarune #deltarune #fanart

[hxtshxpsxt]

I'm watching Mystery Files and I think they had to use a corkboard for the theories because they blew half their budget animating the 220 million jars of peanut butter and one Ogdy 😔

#mystery files #watcher entertainment #wait my bad the ogdy graphic was a photo #also the jar of peanut butter measurement scale made me think of peanut butter measurement scale made me think of that meme #'americans will measure with anything but the metric system' #tunguska event #also it was just an asteroid

[jackals-ships]

devils week And autisms conspiring against me aka im currently going >:c I don't Want food i don't wanna Make food i want the food In My Stomach With No Effort >:c >:c >:c

i told momther earlier food is a scam made by big food to sell more food and ill die on this hill- <- joking

#jackals barks #my f/os watching me stare inside the fridge like it will make food jump at me 👁️👁️ #also the usual 'theres nothing in this house to EAT only things to MAKE things to eat' hkfkdsl #if god didnt nerf me by giving me a peanut butter allergy (AFTER LETTING ME HAVE PB FOR! 16 WHOLE YEARS!!!) i would go full doggy mode #whole entire jar Just For Me

[ilovetodrinkwater]

fighting the cosmic war of knowing there’s a bag of corn nuts i could be eating at 4 am

#also considering peanut butter out of the jar… #i already brushed my teeth but theres no rules in life.

[axewchao]

Would Iggy consider E.Gadd an enemy or friend? :o

Weird cross between idol and arch nemesis.

They've never fought or anything, E. Gadd probably doesn't even know who Iggy is, but Iggy certainly knows him. 'Specially after Junior came home with his magic paintbrush; Iggy recognized the emblem on the ferrule.

It's basically when you frantically try to deny that you like a certain celebrity/musician/artist/what have you, but deep down you admire them and everyone else is not fooled at all. Can't think of any other way to explain it =w="

#Koopalings #Iggy Koopa #Professor E Gadd #E. Gadd's inventions are just the level of absurdity that Iggy loves to create #but he hates the fact that E. Gadd ''limits'' himself to ghost hunting and not much else #it's like... you ever watch Chowder? #you know that scene where Truffles tells a jar of peanut butter that she hates it but also loves it? #Iggy is Truffles and E. Gadd is the peanut butter #i'm running out of similes in case you couldn't tell #axewchao chitchat #axewchao answers #andrevht

[notquiteaghost]

just realised i can put peanut butter & jam into porridge and it is just as nice as a sandwich and we are way more likely to have porridge cuz oats keep forever and so does soya milk... game changer

#yelling at clouds #my sick hack of entering the kitchen and working out how to macguyver a safe food #also fun fact i never ate pb&j as a kid it's not much of a thing here #but as an adult i was like. peanut butter has Everything... and jars of jam are 70p..... #it is a very good Broke Person meal

[frogcoded]

also i can tell that i'm tired because i keep thinking oh my god what will i cook tonight i don't have any ideas.................. while forgetting that i already decided what i'm cooking and already put the chicken out to unfreeze

#also i could cook some lentils tomorrow also to freeze but i think i'm running out of jars. sad. #i could wash and keep the jar from my peanut butter though

[lilyaceofdiamonds]

Why does cooking take so many spoons

#my ramblings #i’m fucking exhausted #adulting is exhausting #but also i just ate enough food to quantify as An Actual Meal?? #for the first time in i don’t even know how long #there were vegetables? #it took so long but it was actually pretty good even if it wasn’t as good as my mom’s #and now i am actually properly full! #and i made enough chicken for like five more meals and potatoes/veggies for two #(and then i guess something else to go with the chicken for the last three pieces) #but like i have leftovers?? i don’t have to come home and stare at my empty fridge and slightly-fuller freezer #and then end up eating chips or granola bars or straight peanut butter out of the jar #food is hard

[scoreplings]

roommate ate all the bread i bought while i was gone for the weekend. and bought new bread but put a sticky note on it that only she can eat it —__—

#she also left all 3 (???? idk why we had three) of our jars of peanut butter open #and bought new peanut but thats also only for her #less annoying because i didnt pay for the peanut butter but cmon girl. what is your problem #she also labeled one of 2 drawers in our fridge as hers and like. we dont have enough space for u to be doing that. our stuff already doesnt #fit in the fridge rrrr #3 more months. and then no more of any of these people. please god. #also how did she eat TWO LOAVES OF BREAD in 3 days

[sndwave]

I go through peanut butter at an astonishing rate so i currently have 3 jars of peanut butter that are under recall and know for a fact ive eaten through at least 3 more that had the same lot code (probably more) so mmm salmonella yummy i guess

#also of course brain goes 'aw but i wanted a sandwich' the moment all our peanut butter has potential salmonella in it lol #anyways if the 5th thru 7th digits of your jif lot code is 425 it is almost guaranteed to be on the recall #unless it's super old probably. the stuff at dads has a use by 3 months before my jar and its affected too so. be careful

[blamebears]

To my friends with robes that have hoods and kittens... just saying if you wear it backwards you can carry a kitten who can in turn carry other things

#out of camp {ooc} #this is the extent of my social life #but also a convenient way to carry the snuggly feline #and a jar of peanut butter

[akizuke]

This is unprecedented im experiencing horrible self hatred and evil thoughts but its not 9 yet? Like that rule of dont trust thoughts after 9pm is so true for me but its not 9 yet which is making me wonder if its a real thought... but riley has ingested my blood on several occasions and theyre an hour ahead of me so its technically 9 for all the blood of mine swimming around in rileys veins so.... do i need to change the rule to 8pm :( im gonna feel like such a grandma if i do that oh sorry pal its past 8 im not allowed to trust my thoughts rn... is this crazy. am i being crazy.

#sakizuke #also im on my period so it could be that #im this close to eating an entire jar of peanut butter

[queer-lemons]

i want my parents to go somewhere out of the house so i can eat my contraband peanut butter

#oh i thought you returned the extra jar #we're not allowed to have any peanut butter except this super natural stuff that has a bumpy texture that bothers me #and then months ago we got a big jar of the nice peanut butter #still the relatively healthy kind #but more processed and the texture makes me so happy #also it tastes better #my mom bought two jars of it for a craft thing #and she left the extra jar in the back of the pantry in case we use it again. so now i've been eating it a little bit at a time #and if she ever needs it i'll just say #and i'm craving some peanut butter #but i can't have it when my parents are home #obviously

[mannequinjoints]

attention everyone i am about to make a delicious egg sandwich

#might also eat some peanut butter straight out of the jar idk we're getting wild this tuesday afternoon #food mention #valentine.txt

[recapitulation]

meal ideas!

low energy ("do not ask me to do any prep work at all, so help me god")

mozzerella cheese wrapped in pepperoni ("pizza tacos"!)

hummus and pretzels or naan (putting the naan in the microwave for like 10 seconds...heavenly)

canned chili (with shredded cheese and sour cream if you have it! boom done!)

instant miso soup (warm and lovely! put tofu in it for protein!)

cheese and cured meat, olives, canned fish, crackers, dried fruit, or whatever easy "charcuterie" type items you like

alternate bites of apple and spoonfulls of peanut butter (mixing honey or chocolate chips to the peanut butter is my favorite)

a "deconstructed sandwich": bites of lunch meat, pickles, cheese, cherry tomato, etc (I love roast beef and white cheddar for this)

yogurt and granola or fruit

put frozen potstickers + frozen edamame in the steamer/rice cooker, chill elsewhere with a timer set, then boom

tortilla chips + canned refried beans + cherry tomatoes + cilantro + jarred salsa con queso (or warm shredded cheese on top of the chips in the microwave for 30 seconds)

bagel + cream cheese + lox

microwave scrambled eggs (add things like green onion, soy sauce, or anything else you like!)

cottage cheese and fruit (mixed together or just on the side)

bowl of shredded rotisserie chicken + buffalo sauce + a bit of mayo + green onion (use a kitchen scissors to cut them right in!)

medium energy ("I'll boil water but don't ask me to chop shit")

boiled eggs and fresh veggies (put a little salt on top of the eggs!)

buttered noodles (my go-to nausea meal, it has never failed me. ideas of things to add: frozen peas, imitation crab, roasted garlic)

baked potato with toppings (I like cheese, bacon, broccoli, green onion, and sour cream)

quesadilla (add some canned beans, cilantro, or avocado!)

pot roast (requires a lot of time but not a lot of actual work. I love it with peas!)

cuban sandwich (bread, swiss, pickle, mustard, ham... my favorite thing to panini-ify by far)

pan-fried tofu with scallion sauce (this sauce goes well with everything and tofu is no exception)

pancakes or waffles! (I love mine with jam)

ham, pickle, and cream cheese roll-ups

fried eggs (with toast and lots of butter...so comforting)

fruit smoothie (bananas, frozen strawberries, yogurt...or whatever!)

I hate salad but could write essays on this copycat olive garden salad (throw it in a bowl! chopping required if you use onion)

spaghetti (controversial maybe but angel hair > spaghetti noodles)

pasta salad (olives broccoli fresh mozerella... those little mini pepperonis... yeah)

stir-fried thai garlic shrimp (I like using the mini frozen salad shrimps, it's easy! use jarred minced garlic to avoid chopping!)

tuna mayo onigiri

slow cooker ribs

buffalo chicken wrap (or any number of other wrap options! shred pre-cooked rotisserie chicken to make it easier)

if your local grocery store sells pre-cooked gyro strips, that can turn into an easy wrap with store-bought pita & tzatziki with tomatoes and onions!

couscous and chickpeas

tortellini + pasta sauce + spinach

high energy ("I don't mind chopping some things up!")

stuffed shells with spinach

chicken and roasted garlic (oh my god.....one of my all time favorites)

beef tacos (I like mine with cilantro and onion, and when I'm feeling especially high energy I love a tomatillo salsa)

chicken alfredo

tom kha gai (a thai soup and my absolute favorite! you just need access to galangal)

lasagna! (freezes well and then boom! low energy meal for later)

pad thai! (not as hard as you'd think, as long as you have access to tamarind paste!)

potstickers! (this is a lovely group activity if you want to cook with housemates!)

rice and beans

bang bang shrimp (ogughfhgfuh I love it. you can also do bang bang tofu!)

minestrone soup (so many nice veggies!)

fried rice (put whatever you have on hand in there! broccoli, peas, carrot, and beef is my favorite combo)

broccoli cheddar soup

spring rolls and peanut sauce

skewers (such as beef, onion, zucchini, bell pepper... you don't need a grill, oven works!)

roasted turkey with garlic parmesean asparagus

pork chop with mashed potatoes

panang curry

chicken gnocchi soup (use store bought gnocchi or make your own if you have a high energy day!)

bibimbap (super customizable depending on what veggies you like best)

butter chicken

plus! things that have helped me meal plan:

whenever you think of a meal you'd like to make, take 3 seconds to google search it, take a screenshot of the image results, and put it in a "food ideas" folder. instant visual menu!

the concept of "meal prepping" makes me recoil but I've learned that it can simply mean preparing shredded chicken, boiled eggs, or some other simple protein that you can customize throughout the week. shredded chicken can turn into wraps, salads, pasta dishes, etc... you don't have to meal prep yourself into the same meal all week!

when I have difficulty working up an appetite, I'll scroll through my favorite restaurant menus! there might be some foods I can't make at home, but many times they're very simple to recreate because the ingredients are literally listed!

#brought to you by: i see people complaining about coming up with meals for the week #and im like..this is my favorite thing to do........let me be your meal brainstormer #additionally brought to you by: eating something is better than nothing so some of these may not be complete textbook 'meals' #but sometimes you feel like shit and just need something! so! #also this energy scale is tailored to me personally so if some categorizations dont make sense to you thats bc its about me <3 #food #i might update this with dessert ideas too later. or just add to it in general