#also regardless of the water the whole thing about giving up is such a metaphor | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lightsinthesky · 8 months

Text

What has been given to me is not a gift: it is a responsibility.

In my journey through this life, I’ve succumbed to some truly emotionally horrific experiences. I won’t get into it all now, but the most significant component of that was obviously in my active alcoholism. As it stands, I have been spared the worst of fates and given an opportunity and solution to create the life I’d always envisioned. It’s not a matter of accepting this or deciding if I want it. If I truly believe in everything I’ve come to believe in, then it is my responsibility to capitalize on this.

It’s not about what I want, what I think I need, how I think I’m right about anything. It is distilled into a series of core, fundamental truths about my own personal being and existing as an individual within the greater framework of the human condition. I have the capacity to give love without condition, to offer support, to set an example, and to be a light for others in times of darkness. And I will always have my own struggles to face, but I can overcome them and, as I progress, continue to be the source of light in this world that I myself had so desperately sought.

I’m so tired of the misery. It’s not sustainable. Sometimes, things just suck. And I can get lost in that. But with the tools and the path of self-actualization that I’m currently fixed to, I am able to endure, to overcome, and to consistently grow. Whether it’s an inch or a mile, I keep moving forward at all costs. Catching my breath means tip-toeing forward, never standing still, or walking backwards.

It’s funny how discomfort in pain or suffering can impede the fundamental truth that is the beauty inherent in all of this. My emotions absolutely have the ability to override certain facts about the privilege of my existence. I’m reminded of this story:

—

A fellow was stuck on his rooftop in a flood. He was praying to God for help.

Soon a man in a rowboat came by and the fellow shouted to the man on the roof, “Jump in, I can save you.”

The stranded fellow shouted back, “No, it’s OK, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me.”

So the rowboat went on.

Then a motorboat came by. “The fellow in the motorboat shouted, “Jump in, I can save you.”

To this the stranded man said, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the motorboat went on.

Then a helicopter came by and the pilot shouted down, “Grab this rope and I will lift you to safety.”

To this the stranded man again replied, “No thanks, I’m praying to God and he is going to save me. I have faith.”

So the helicopter reluctantly flew away.

Soon the water rose above the rooftop and the man drowned. He went to Heaven. He finally got his chance to discuss this whole situation with God, at which point he exclaimed, “I had faith in you but you didn’t save me, you let me drown. I don’t understand why!”

To this God replied, “I sent you a rowboat and a motorboat and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

—

This is a powerful metaphor for how life unfolds. We become so certain and self-righteous in distorted lines of thought and belief that we often fail to capitalize on the opportunities laid at our feet. I’ve been guilty of this endlessly. Especially in the context of getting what I think I want.

Regardless of your degree of spirituality, this story applies in a general sense. It’s about capitalizing on the opportunities presented to us. And sometimes that means enduring discomfort in change or something new or different. Smashing the delusion that I always know best and that my instincts always serve me. Immediate self-righteous conviction in opposition to raw truth.

It also means that I have to remain open to receive. Because every time I close myself off in some distorted line of self-preservational thinking, I end up more miserable, more deluded, and completely stagnant. It's like "fake it 'til you make it" in reverse...

I’m not exactly where I want to be. There are missing components in my vision of a satisfied, happy, and fulfilled life. Some major, some minor. But I know that by the law of attraction, if I am sincere in my efforts to pursue my responsibility of goodness and virtue into the gates of hell, I will receive all that I seek tenfold. So long as I retain openness to the possibilities that lie in wait. And it will more than likely come in unexpected ways. Ways that I might reject on instinct like the drowning man above, but that I need to cultivate an openness to because they may be exactly what I need to end up where I want in the long run.

Life just ain’t easy. Sometimes it’s a lazy river and sometimes it’s a fucking tsunami. But being able to strive for inner peace and the comfort of going to bed each night comfortable and, dare I say, proud of who I am is critical in the path towards enlightenment. Not ego-pride. Not a belief that I'm "better than" or any kind of comparison bullshit. Just sincere contentment in who I strive to be and how I act. Tangibly seeing my influence as a positive.

I don’t know what life has in store for me. But I maintain a dedicated and sincere responsibility to capitalize on every single opportunity presented to me.

Last night was tough again. Out of fucking nowhere. This endless ebb and flow. But I slept, I awoke in the light of the dawn, and I am reborn again and again and again, as I am every single day. Today is just another opportunity, another possibility. And I will move in accordance with hope, trust, and intention.

I’ve made it entirely too far to ever give up. As bad as things can get, hope remains a permanent fixture within my heart and soul. The pain is as temporary as the joy, even when it lingers. The unsettled feeling comes from knowing I'm destined for more. I believe that greatness lies ahead - in whatever form it might take. I am trying to be open to receive it.

So I will keep it up. And I will keep evolving. I will trip, stumble, and fall. And I will pick myself up again and again and again. No retreat into compulsive “comfort.” I’m so tired of leaning into things that don’t serve me.

So I will shed my skin. Again (and again).

Love will guide me.

I believe. Always.

#recovery

1 note · View note

softforloki · 2 years

Text

You Built Me Castles out of Paragraphs

Summery: You’re an aspiring writer putting your romantic fantasies to paper. Loki has agreed to be your editor. The only problem? He just so happens to be at the very center of most of those romantic fantasies.

Warnings: Swearing, alludes to Odin’s A+ parenting and Loki’s overall ✨trauma✨

Word Count: 2,229

Masterlist

I was going to send this idea in as a request to another Loki blog, but then I remembered that I’m a Loki blog

Thanos voice: “Fine. I’ll do it myself.”

You stepped back form the complete and utter chaos of your office wall. Sketches, notes, plot points, and even bits of colored sting stretched from one corner to the other.

If I’m trying to convince people I’m not totally insane, then I am definitely going about it the wrong way. You thought wryly.

You looked back and forth between the evidence and your psychotic break-down and your open laptop. Planning was the easy part. You knew what all your plot points were. You knew where you characters had to go. How they got there though?

Filling in the gaps was easily the most maddening part of the whole writing thing. You had to get your characters from one event to the next, while still keeping things entertaining for the reader.

You flopped into your desk chair, scrolling compulsively through your latest chapter. It was something, you just couldn’t tell if it was any good. Staring at the same document for hours on end made you numb to what you were reading.

“I seriously need to get an editor or something,” You muttered.

You could probably afford a professional editor. Working at SHEILD offered good money, but editors weren’t exactly on your “must have” list. You liked to think you were more frugal than that (Especially after your last big purchase had been a house with an extra room that you would use as an office).

Regardless, if you wanted to be anywhere near successful with your first book, you were going to need an extra pair of eyes. Preferably eyes that belonged to a friend who was good enough not to ask for reimbursement, but also wouldn’t just give your writing empty compliments.

Loki would read it. That little voice pipped up. He’d give you good feedback.

He certainly would. He also wouldn’t say no to a good story (if your story even was good). The man read more than anyone else you’d ever met.

There was of course, the issue of the story itself. Your lead character, to be specific. Your protagonist was nothing if not an extension of yourself. Additionally, all the adversities your lead faced were clever metaphors for your own life struggles and anxieties. You were a shameless writer. The loyal supporting role, the one whom you’d been crafting an elaborate romance with your protagonist, was also a rather obvious homage to Loki.

You were living out your romantic fantasies with your novel. If you let Loki read it, he’d surely put the pieces together.

Authors draw inspiration from the world around them all the time. The voice reasoned. If he sees the resemblance, he probably won’t think much of it. He’ll give you great constructive criticism.

You spun in your chair, contemplating your options. Loki wasn’t the only person who’d inspired a character. You could probably get away with it.

There was also something very tempting about having be the first person to lay eyes on your book.

And you really needed an editor.

You sighed, coming to a decision. You grabbed your phone from the desk.

You did enjoy living dangerously.

. . .

It had been a few days since you’d emailed the first three chapters of your book to Loki. He was supposed to come down to discuss his notes with you.

The fact that he had actual notes both excited and scared the shit out of you.

You put the kettle on to keep yourself from impulsively pacing or staring at your psycho-story board. It wasn’t long after you’d dunked teabags into the mugs of hot water when you heard the disarmingly cheerful chime of your doorbell. You scrambled to answer it.

“Fancy seeing you here,” You greeted, leaning against the door with what you hoped was a relaxed expression.

“I did tell you I’d be here,” Loki responded, a small smile flickering across his face as he stepped inside.

“Did you? Well I’ve got tea steeping, so you may as well come in.” You ushered him into the dinning room, kicking yourself for not closing the door to your disaster of an office.

“How kind of you,” Loki remarked, shedding his peacoat and draping it over the back of his chair. “How goes the writing?”

“I thought you were here to tell me that.” You quipped, setting the mugs and fixings for tea on the table.

“Are you not still working while I read?”

“That was the original plan, I sorta psyched myself out when I realized that you’re my first reader.” You admitted. “I didn’t get much further than my basic notes for the next chapter.”

“That’s quite alright.” Loki reassured. “From what you’ve told me, you’re already fairly far along. How much have you written thus far?”

You quickly did the math in your head. “I’m eighteen chapters into a projected forty-ish.”

He laughed a little, giving you a see? look. “You’re halfway through, and how long have you been working on this?”

“A little over a year. I’m going to try to take a break and focus on revisions while you make your way through my massive backlog.”

“A wise decision.” He nodded sagely. “Shall I share my thoughts on Chapter One, then?”

“Ugh, may as well.” You took a long, slow sip of your tea like it was whiskey. “Get it over with.”

Loki chuckled, slipping a square of neatly folded paper from his pocket. “There’s nothing bad, I assure you. Just a few discrepancies I thought you may like to remedy.”

He seemed to have enjoyed your work. He had a lot of praise for the world building and characterization. You felt your heart pound a little harder when he mentioned the character you’d based on him. If he saw the similarities, he gave no indication.

His critiques were few, but highly valuable. He pointed out repetitive word usage, and information known by characters who shouldn’t know it yet. You ended up getting your laptop to read along with him and make the changes while they were still fresh in your mind.

“I really appreciate your feedback, Loki.” You said repeatedly as you walked him to the door. “This has been enormously helpful.”

“I highly enjoyed helping you, it’s been a delightful read. I assume you’ll be sending me the next three chapters?”

You blinked in surprise. “Oh, yeah. Yeah! Of course, wow. Thanks. Again.”

Loki hummed, taking your hand and pressing a cordial kiss to the back of it. He met your eyes, his gaze intense. You swallowed a gulp. “Thank you for giving me the chance to see your work. I can’t wait to see what else you’ve come up with.”

Oh.

Oh no.

. . .

“I have one more question.” Loki divulged.

“Hit me.”

“You’re clearly writing a love story between your main characters, yes?”

“Yeah. It’s more of a side plot, though. I don’t want the romance to be the main focus, but their relationship is important in how they get through their problems.” You explained, sinking into your couch’s cushions. “I didn’t made them fall in love just on a whim.”

“Mmm. I can see that. It’s a commendable portrayal, to say the least. But I have to ask, not as your editor, but as a reader; are they ever going to confess?”

You laughed at his exasperated tone. He clearly had some feelings invested in this. Your heart swelled as an author.

“Maybe,” You shrugged one shoulder noncommittally.

Loki threw his head back, groaning in aggravation, eliciting another laugh from you.

“They’re fighting monsters, Loki! Their obvious mutual attraction is the least of their concerns.”

“It’s maddening,” He pressed on. “I understand it’s not the main concern, but their tension is nearly palpable!”

“Well, I have been toying with this idea...”

“Let’s hear it,” He grunted.

“I figured that they could be separated during a big battle. Something super messy and stressful. Put the fear of death in them, you know?” You held your hands out, palms up.

“As one does.” Loki nodded.

“Right. So picture this: opposite ends of the battlefield. They’re desperately searching for each other as the dust settles. Their eyes meet. For a few seconds, neither of them moves; they’re too stunned and relieved the other is alive to move. With me so far?”

“Yes, and desperately intrigued.”

“They snap out of it and make a beeline for each other.” You continue. “Collision. They’re lying in a heap on the ground, checking each other for injuries. They’re still in shock, rambling at each other, when a calm suddenly washes for over them. They hold their gaze for a second, and then, still high off the adrenaline, kiss.”

“Ah, the stress of the fight made them confront their own mortality.” Loki finished for you. “They have to come to terms with their feelings before they loose each other.”

“Yes!” You clapped, tickled by his enthusiasm. “I didn’t know you where a such a romantic.”

He grunted. “Only when it’s well written.”

“I somehow find find that hard to believe.”

“And by that you mean...?”

“Nothing.” You amended quickly. “Just that you’re very suave.”

“If the way you write me is any indication, I’d say you’re correct.”

You froze, an icy realization suddenly washing over you.

“And, if the way you’ve written yourself is any indication,” he went on, a twinkle in his eye “I’d say you enjoy it a lot more that you let on.”

Mother of fuck.

“How long have you known?” You asked quietly.

“Since chapter nine.” He answered smoothly. “Your characters had a conversation that reminded me a little too much of one we’ve had. Once I’d made that realization, everything stared falling into place the more I read.”

“Shit,” You muttered, planting your face into your hands.

Loki gave you a moment of privacy, before you heard him say your name in a gentle voice. You felt the couch shift as he moved closer to you. His fingers gently brushed over your knee.

“I realize we have an unfortunate shortage of harrowing battles,” He said in a low voice “but perhaps you would still allow me to kiss you?”

“What?” You lifted your head, your confused eyes meeting his sincere ones.

“I’d like to kiss you.”

“Why?” Your voice shook.

“Why? Why?” Loki repeated, seemingly in shock as he took your hands in his own. “Because you are thoughtful and deliberate with everything you do. Because you are lovely and kind and trusting. Because you befriended me when no one else would. Because you’ve built me castles out of paragraphs, all describing feelings I’ve shared but not acted upon for far too long.”

You stared at him in shock, mouth slightly agape as you processed his words. “Can I use that?” You finally asked.

Loki laughed fondly, reaching a hand out to lightly trace your lips with his thumb. “Only if you kiss me.”

Throwing caution into the wind, you leaned forward to press your lips onto his. He cradled your face in his hands, humming in satisfaction. He kissed you as though it was as natural as breathing, like it was something he’d done his whole life. You placed your hands on his shoulders, chasing his lips with your own.

He pulled away, put reconnected his lips to your neck, instead. You sighed in content as he kissed the curve of your neck, trailing his lips over your shoulders. “Loki,”

“Yes, my darling?” He purred against your skin.

“You never told me what you thought about my confession idea.” You pointed out. “Should I go with it?”

He chuckled, meeting your eyes, desire permeating his gaze, a teasing grin tugging at the corners of his lips. His smile faltered upon seeing your expression. “Oh, you’re serious.”

“Of course I am! I need your feedback.”

Loki sighed, collecting you in his arms and pulling you into his body. “It’s brilliant. You’re brilliant, and while I adore you, I don’t think I shall ever be able to forgive you for ruining such a lovely moment.”

You squirmed, but made no real attempt to escape his embrace. “You knew what you were signing up for.”

He hummed, burying his nose in your shoulder and breathing you in deeply. “Of course I did. Now I beg of you, let me have this.”

You laughed as he leaned forward, carefully closing your laptop sitting on the coffee table. You settled against him, “Fine by me.”

“Thank you,” Loki croaked, voice thick with emotion. His face was still hidden in his shoulder.

It was too much for him, you realized with a jolt. He’d been so lonely, so convinced he was undeserving of love that he could scarcely believe you returned his feelings. He was brimming with over a thousand years worth of verbal abuse and alienation, of course he was getting emotional over this.

You felt the first tears wet your shoulder while you watched Loki with concern. He’d dealt with too much. There had been too many people in his life that had contributed to his suffering. Too many how had told him he wasn’t good enough. Too many who had physically hurt him. Now he needed someone to hold him while he cried. Someone who would touch him and love him carefully and tenderly, and tell him just how special he is. Just how loved he is.

So you did just that.

#loki #Loki Laufeyson #loki odinson #Loki Friggason #loki x reader #loki laufesyon x reader #loki odinson x reader #loki friggason x reder #marvel loki #loki marvel #marvel loki x reader

171 notes · View notes

swimmingleo · 3 years

Text

HS1 // THE WALL : A MESS

I love love LOVE HS1. When it came out, I had absolutely no idea what it was about as a whole and that’s the best thing ever because then you basically spend a lifetime (nah) trying to make sense of it and it’s SO MUCH FUN. Here it is, a monster post text about how Harry is the biggest Pink Floyd fanboy ever and we kind of share that really.

Before I start here are some Pink Floyd parallels posts I really love, courtesy of @bluewinnerangel: here and here. The second one is mostly clownery on my part I apologize but it’s a warning of what’s to come in this long ass post.

... this won't make the cut to my professional portfolio.

THE WALL: WHAT IT’S ABOUT

DISCLAIMER just so we're clear, I don’t think this wall has anything to do with someone else’s walls. I think the inspiration and creative process behind both their albums are really different so what I'm saying about HS1 doesn't necessarily apply to Walls. But hey, as someone once said, a wall is a wall.

The Wall is a concept album by Pink Floyd with a narration: it tells us the story of Pink, a rockstar on the verge of a breakdown. He ends up building a metaphorical wall around him. Each brick represents a trauma (the passing of his father during the war, his upbringing, his school education, the Blitz, his love life). Pink isolates himself in a hotel room and the wall is absolute. From there it's a free fall into depression and madness before he makes his wall fall eventually.

Now let’s talk about HS1. We know the sound of some of it kind of reminds us of Pink Floyd, as pop tabloids said (they do love forcing down parallels as much as I do). We also know that with this album, Harry wanted to say things he couldn’t before, and it's all about him, his struggles. Sad stuff.

“I don’t want to hear my favorite artists talk about all the amazing shit they get to do. I want to hear, ‘How did you feel when you were alone in that hotel room, because you chose to be alone?'”

Harry really really likes the idea of being alone in a hotel room for this album.

What we also know is that the album was supposed to be named "Pink". Let’s take a look at the album cover real quick:

Harry is not facing us, he's naked and curled up on himself, surrounded by pink water.

My interpretation regarding this whole analysis: he doesn’t let us in by turning his back on us. Yet he’s still vulnerable and exposed because he’s naked. Pink water is not pure, it's a result of toxic waste. Therefore it could be the form his wall takes: Pink's wall is made of bricks/traumas, Harry's is made of toxic substances/traumas. Here an interesting interpretation by billboard that helped me.

Harry trapped underneath blood water on the SOTT cover:

Harry above water in SOTT's mv standing taller than it

SO this once named “Pink,, album cover could be his own take on Pink’s character. From the get go, he compares himself to the protagonist of The Wall.

HS1 begins and ends within 4 walls: Harry is waiting for someone to come out of their room in MMITH and ends up alone in a hotel room in FTDT. Another bedroom in Only Angel. A room (kitchen) in Two Ghosts. Walls are also mentioned in ESNY (Understand I’m talking to the walls). Regardless of the whole album progression, the setup barely changes, which makes me think that while Fine Line tells us a linear narrative, HS1 is more of a reflection on past traumas with no resolution in the end. Swimming in a fish bowl, a glass half empty. Contrary to Pink who gets to make his wall fall at the end of the album, Harry’s walls are still up. His first album is just the beginning of his solo career, of his story.

For this post I'll focus on some parallels that strike me as LOUD, whether it’s a specific theme, lyric or imagery.

MOTHERHOOD AND WAR

It’s SOTT appreciation time. What did Harry say about it ? It’s inspired by a mother dying after giving birth and basically warning her child about life in the span of 5 minutes. It’s also about various political and social issues, as he said once, vaguely answering a very pointed question in the midst of post 2016 political climate.

There is also a nice death imagery going on with the angelic choirs, the idea of seeing things from above, the bullets, the escapism. I don’t think it’s literally about a mother dying after childbirth. But I don’t think the mother explanation should be dismissed as just 'Harry talking out of his ass to get himself out of a delicate situation'.

I find a lot of interesting parallels with Pink Floyd’s song Mother. It’s about Pink remembering his overprotective mother, who projected on him her own fears and traumas and contributed to the building of his wall.

Just stop your crying it’s a sign of the time, SOTT

Hush now baby, baby, don’t you cry, Mother

… to point out the obvious. But it doesn’t stop here, there is also a lot of war talk going on:

Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets ?

Mother do you think they’ll drop the bomb ? / Mother, will they put me in the firing line ?

Of course the nature of the war differs from one song to another. Mother’s about WW2 and SOTT, well, oppression of some sort? me thinks closeting. Still in both cases the speaker feels trapped and is asking why. They’re seeking answers because the cruelty they suffer from is undeserved. Pink was a child caught in the war and Harry was a child caught in the money machine. Both are at the beginning of a long, tiring, dehumanizing journey. And a protective mother figure warns them about it.

Basically in both songs we have a voice who asks a dreadful question and a voice immediately attempting to soothe them somehow.

Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets ? > Just stop your crying.

Mother, will they put me in the firing line ? > Hush now baby, baby, don’t you cry.

Once again, I don’t think Harry is having a conversation with his mother the way Pink does. But I do suspect the use of motherhood as opposed to the violence and uncertainty regarding the future. He’s using a motherly tone as a way to cope, a made up inner voice to reassure himself. While Pink associates motherhood to trauma, Harry associates it to comfort. It tells him to Go forth and conquer.

Quick additions to the SOTT parallels with The Thin Ice, another song about Pink in relation to his mother:

We never learn, we’ve been here before, SOTT

Dragging behind you the silent reproach of a million tear-stained eyes, The Thin Ice

This voice of the reason reminds them they're carrying history somehow, a legacy. The weight of it adds on the pressure. This war isn’t only about them, it’s about a lot of people and it’s been going on for a long time.

And another addition regarding the war imagery in SOTT with Goodbye Blue Sky (Pink remembering growing up during the Blitz).

Why are we always stuck and running from the bullets ? / Breaking through the atmosphere and things are pretty good from here, SOTT

Did you ever wonder why we had to run for shelter when the promise of a brave new world unfurled beneath a clear blue sky ?, Goodbye Blue Sky

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST a parallel between SOTT and Stop (where Pink the rockstar is exhausted and begs for his misery to end).

Welcome to the final show, hope you’re wearing your best clothes, SOTT

I want to go home, take off this uniform and leave the show, Stop

ISOLATION

As mentionned before, HS1 starts with MMITH: Harry waiting outside someone’s bedroom and almost begging for that someone to come out. More precisely, H just left the bedroom: he used to share that space with that person, but now there’s a wall between them.

In The Wall’s storyline, Pink completely cuts his ties with the outside world and locks himself in a hotel room: his wall is complete. From there, he wonders if he actually made the right choice isolating himself in Hey you.

Yeah, tons of MMITH and Hey you parallels ahead:

Meet me in the hallway, I just left your bedroom, give me some morphine

Hey you, out there beyond the wall, breaking bottles in the hall, can you help me ?

Is there any more to do ? Just let me know I’ll be at the door/on the floor

Would you touch me ? / Would you help me to carry the stone ? / Can you help me ?

I walked the streets all day

Hey you, out there on the road

Hoping you’ll come around

Don’t tell me there’s no hope at all

Maybe we’ll work it out

Together we stand, divided we fall

Is this not... A dialogue ? MMITH’s speaker is outside the room, staying around just in case the person inside needs them. They’re desperate to prove their unconditional support. Hey you’s speaker is inside the room, trapped behind the wall, and questions whether or not the person waiting for them outside would actually be ready to assume the responsabilities that come with helping them with the load.

Which leads us to the end of HS1, FTDT. Now, Harry’s alone, inside his hotel room as well. After a succession of songs expressing frustration, anger, despair, jealousy, which are as many bricks, he built up his own wall, just like Pink. He distances himself from the "you" in MMITH even more. Now they’re in the same situation:

Played with myself where were you ? / Even my phone misses your call, by the way

Hey you, out there on your own, sitting naked by the phone, would you touch me ?

Still going strong with the hopeless dialogue.

Right after Hey you comes the song Nobody Home, where Pink, fully isolated, gets more and more depressed and can only list the material possessions he bought with that rockstar money. More parallels can be made with FTDT:

Maybe one you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too, FTDT

Ooh, babe when I pick up the phone there’s still nobody home, Nobody Home

AND REAL QUICK I’M SO ANNOYING SORRY THIS IS NOT EVEN HS1 BUT we can all agree that FTDT and Falling have a similar start right ? Alone in his bed, drunk and very sad. Allegedly Harry is at his lowest. Ok. This from Nobody Home…

All down the front of my favourite satin shirt / I’ve got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains

… looks a bit like this ? Though it’s not satin hm.

… And of course he’s in a richly decorated room where he drowns in his sorrow again and again. This room is like a trap he can't escape.

ANYWAY what's interesting is: if Harry identifies to Pink so much throughout this album, to the point where he theoretically almost named the album after him, why is Harry the one beyond the wall in MMITH? Is there someone else who shares similar life experience, traumas, emotional bagage and who could also relate to Pink to some extent ? Someone so similar they could be the ''you'' in the ''we'' of SOTT ? The one Harry wants to get away from here with? Them against the rest of the world ? SOMEONE WHO’S QUITE FAMILIAR WITH A WALL METAPHOR ?

WAR AND KIDS

Another big part of The Wall is the famoso Another Brick In The Wall part 2. The song protests against the abusive school system that works like an industry : it formates people and rips one's individuality off... turning them into a copy of a copy of a copy...

“Hey, teachers! Leave them kids alone!”

“If you don't eat your meat you can't have any pudding...”

“All in all you're just another brick in the wall”

mh why is that blackboard there, what's on it?

…Maybe ?? I can't see very well so it's convenient but.. maybe?

AND I KNOW this is not about Louis but those melted smooth faced masks which all look the same also remind me a lil bit of the concept of the masks in Walls' mv..? a tiny tiny lil bit? coacoac anyone?

… and this is just a white brick wall and I suppose white brick walls are very common but it’s still there so I’ll take it.

In Another Brick In the Wall part 2, the kids are kept under control by the teachers with pudding as a carrot and stick approach (If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding). In the film adaptation of The Wall, Pink dreams of the kids rioting and burning down the school. In Kiwi’s MV, there are no teachers or any adult (except H, who also self inserts as a kid). All the children are gathered in a school gymnasium around a gigantic pile of cakes.

So Kiwi the MV could be Harry’s sequel of ABITW p2: the kids successfully got rid of figures of authority and seized the cakes/pudding which were once used as a weapon against them. The MV feels like a dream sequence because it’s so random, therefore it could be Harry’s fantasy just like the kids rioting were Pink’s fantasy.

What's also interesting is that the persons who make their bread on the speaker's behalf (the woman in Kiwi and the teachers in The Wall) both have a sad love life at home:

When she's alone she goes home to a cactus, Kiwi

When they got home at night, their [...] wives would thrash them, The Happiest Days of our Lives

... Whereas ''home'' is basically Harry's only safe place, his constant, where he always go back to when he feels lost. This love Harry has no matter what makes him superior to them in that regard. "Them" is that external factor that is trying to take his love, his strenght away: the ones that are going to find him soon in Stockholm Syndrome, that made his lover walk away in Happily, that try to force him into submitting by telling him that nothing's ever easy, that the end is near. It's a powerplay between them and Harry, a war.

TO MAKE IT SHORT-ISH, what strikes me is that between the HCU (Harry Cinematic Universe lol) and The Wall, there is this common idea of a war that starts very early in life and results in absolute self-isolation. War corrupts kids, war makes money, war makes the world go round. Pink/Harry were exposed to it very young, had trouble understanding it and accepting it, and had to protect themselves with this metaphorical wall which eventually alienated them from everything.

It would also not be the first time Harry associates with the concept of being involved in a war of some sort: see the tattoo "won’t stop ‘till we surrender’’…

… or even a war involving kids: see the tattoo "I can’t change" inspired by Make It Stop of Rise Against. Bang, bang from the closet walls…

I don't really know how to conclude this properly so tchuss

#been writing this in 2 days #reading it again I have the 'damn ive been in my own head too much I need to get outside'#tbh from the moment H insisted on the color pink in that one French interview #I've been having thoughts like mmmm #'pink is the color of rocknroll' yeah miss me with that shit bluegreener king #I can't see colors for what they are anymore because of u #harry styles #song analysis #i always fear that people been discussing it all already and I wasn't aware aaa #my analysis #terrapin

437 notes · View notes

caker-baker · 3 years

Note

sir your super speed vs telepathy snippet is just so good??? i literally love it so much omg. if you have the time, could you continue it? thanks!♥️💕

The villain knew they were smart. They knew they were crafty, quick, and sometimes cruel. They knew a lot of things about themself. They didn’t know how much they would enjoy the hero’s company.

Yes, their plot had been to keep the hero, to keep those calm thoughts just for the villain whenever they had a rough day. The hero was meant to be a soothing presence, nothing more, really.

So, why were they reading together?

“Can I ask you something?” The hero set their book down.

“You just did.” The villain smirked at that, still holding their book.

“You’re hilarious. Really, though.”

The villain closed their book with one hand, and repositioned themselves to be fully apt for the hero.

“Something wrong?”

“Probably a lot of things.” The villain managed to issue the warning with their eyes, so the hero didn’t press any further on that subject. “But that’s not important. How did you do it?”

The villain warily looked at the band around the hero’s head.

“Which part?”

“Can’t you just read my mind or something?”

The villain groaned. “You’re a pain.”

“Only on Tuesdays.”

They picked their book up again, turning away from the hero.

“The answer to your first question is simple, I’m brilliant. The second is no, it’s not technically mind control, it’s more like compulsion. And yes, being alone would be easier, but would you want to be alone?”

It was a satisfying enough answer for the hero, but something still bothered the villain.

“I can tell there’s something else in that head of yours.” They turned a page, not truly reading at this point.

“No.” The hero lied.

“Is lying to a telepath really the best course of action?”

The hero clasped their hands together. “I guess not.”

“I hear your little inquiry, it’s the loudest you’ve ever thought. A classic really, most people think it everyday without realizing. ‘Why me?’ Truly, an idiotic thing to think.” After a pause, they added, “Not for you, though. I think your case is somewhat validated.”

“So?” The hero prodded.

“I thought I explained this.” Another page turned.

“While I was in a frantic state. It would do good to explain it again.”

“Do good for you.” The villain mumbled. Nevertheless, they were somewhat urged to comply.

“I can say with the upmost confidence that you are the only one who has ever brought a semblance of a calming presence. I had no interest in fighting some speedster with surely racing thoughts. Then I actually heard you.”

“And placed a mental track on me?”

“I’m selfish, I wanted that calming presence again.” The villain’s eyes narrowed. “You said you were in a state of panic.”

The hero shrugged. “It’s...blurry. You know I’m not lying.”

“No, you aren’t.” Sly eyes looked at the hero’s discarded book. “Answer some questions for me.” It wasn’t a suggestion.

“Ok.”

“Why do you think you were assigned to me?” The villain asked, something a bit too saccharine in their tone. “It was a gift, turns out, but I would like to know who to thank.”

Maybe the tone of voice should have made the hero shudder, but they didn’t, they couldn’t.

“I don’t know. They never even told me what you could do.”

“No one knew.” The villain brushed off. “I defeated them and took away any memory of how they lost.”

While the villain would have otherwise answered the hero’s silent question, the villain still had more to ask.

“And after the first few fights, you ran, both metaphorically and literally. Why?”

“I’m afraid of you.”

What a jarring answer.

“You still are?” The villain asked, their fingers curling around the edges of their book.

“I guess.” The hero shrugged, motioning to their head. “You’re capable of this. That’s fearful enough.”

Fluid would be the best way to describe how the villain moved, the hero suddenly face to face with the villain, who had rested their chin in their hand. It was probably the hell design on their head, but the hero’s own speeding receptors had hardly seen them coming.

“You didn’t know I was capable of that until three days ago.” They were smiling. “That was before all,” the villain waved vaguely. “this. Why were you afraid of me beforehand?”

“Hm.” The hero crossed their legs. “I’ve never thought about it. You just unnerved me, in a way.”

In a way wasn’t a good answer for the villain. But the villain had time now, and calm. Right now, they just wanted the calm. So they picked up their book, and went back to reading, the hero doing the same.

With one final sweep of the hero’s mind, the villain chuckled.

“It is an ugly band isn’t it? I’ll work on something else.”

On the eighth night of being there, the hero awoke to a nearly crying villain, or so they thought. It was extremely probable that the villain had been crying earlier, or just stopped crying very recently.

“You can...go back to sleep. I didn’t intend to wake you.” The villain had something clutched tightly in their hand.

“Are you ok?”

“No.”

On the eighth night and the ninth morning, the hero sat beside the villain, giving them all the comfort in the world.

The villain managed to turn the band into a well decorate bracelet.

It was a shame the villain trusted them, to an extent. The smallest amount of trust could work for the hero, they had played on much less before.

It was difficult to truly explain, but the hero didn’t feel the odd prodding in their head nearly as much as they had some time ago. There still remained that compulsion, that compliance, but the hero wasn’t particularly inclined to give into it.

The band, now the bracelet, had seemed to somehow dull

Regardless, they didn’t necessarily mind the villain’s fingers running up and down their arm.

“You’ve been gone the last couple of days.” The hero commented.

“I have.”

“What have you been up to?”

That threw the villain off. Even with the time spent with the hero, with the hero being mostly theirs, they hadn’t expected them, a hero, to ask. They probably wouldn’t want to know.

The villain answered with furrowed eyebrows. “What is your best guess?”

“Putting buckets of water on top of door frames?” The hero pulled away, much to the annoyance of the villain.

“That’s not a horrible idea.” In a touch starved attempt, the villain grabbed the crook of the hero’s arm, pulling them closer.

“You should reevaluate what’s a good crime an what’s not.”

“Oh, please.” The villain began running their fingers up and down the hero’s arm again. “I want your actual guess.”

“Why?”

The villain caught the hero’s second attempt to pull away, and not wanting to upset them, reluctantly relinquished.

“Maybe I’ll use your idea, maybe I feel like being cruel.”

It didn’t have the effect that the villain intended, the hero just made a low humming noice.

What did the villain intend? What effect did they want? Were they trying to seduce the hero to their side, or was this really some attempt at cruelty?

“I think you should let me go.”

The villain’s head snapped up, their eyes angry, focusing on the hero before locking onto the bracelet.

It was easy enough for the hero to tell what would come next, and so it was easy for them to speed behind the villain before they could freeze the hero again.

“That’s what you want to play, then?” The villain turned slowly, only to see no hero.

“The mental track is...” although the villain was shocked, they were also impressed, and couldn’t stop themselves from breaking into a smile. “You’ve been practicing? I’m curious as to how, exactly.”

The hero watched the villain turn in slow circles as they zipped place to place. They hadn’t been practicing as the villain meant, they just knew what to do. The band, then the bracelet, became easier to resist, and gave the hero some knowledge of the inner workings of the villain’s abilities.

“I can’t hear you either.” The villain’s face soured. “That was the whole point. But don’t worry, pet, once I get you back, I’ll enjoy combing through that lovely head manually.”

After more silence, the villain continued. “Don’t you remember what I said to you? Feels like forever ago, doesn’t it?” The villain sneered. “That I would find you, again and again, that you would have nowhere else to run. That holds true today, pet.”

With quiet concentration, the hero began to move their wrist at a different frequency, the frequency of the bracelet.

They didn’t like this trick, it felt like they didn’t exist correctly. Still, it was efficient, and it worked. The bracelet, which the hero realized was more of a cuff, dropped to the ground.

The hero sped away, feeling relieved and confused. For some reason, they could almost imagine what the villain would do.

Pick up the cuff-bracelet.

Realize their prize is truly gone.

And scream.

They were right, and wished they hadn’t been. The hero heard the villain’s screaming voice for days afterwards.

#part 2 #requested #sorry #probably not the best #super speed v. telepathy #hero #heroine #villain #villainess #heroes #villains #hero x villain #villain x hero #villains and heroes

199 notes · View notes

mountain-man-cumeth · 3 years

Note

How would you rewrite Muriel’s route?

This is the 3rd question I got with similar vibes so imma begin by saying that I am not a writer. I am a reader, a decent one, but I’m not the idea guy. I will try, though, since it seems like people are interested for some reason.

First of all I'd make some baseline changes to set the backstory proper;

Muriel chose the mantle of Lucio's executioner willingly, him and Asra had no other means to survive so they willingly worked as indentured servants under Lucio. He reasoned with himself thinking these are bad people and that he has no other skills to offer. (There might be a threat on Lucio's part that they can be replaced, he doesn't have to had given a villain speech for the implication. He is a rich tyrant and they are street kids, it the service they provide isn't up to par Lucio can easily look for alternative options.) Let me be clear, Muriel was not a gladiator. Gladiators are compensated generously for the entertainment they provide and often due to the amount of investment made on them, fighting to death wasn't a common occurrence. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Muriel, or rather the Scourge was well known and probably liked by the crowd, there's literally no reason for Lucio to utilize him otherwise. He wants people to enjoy the show, if everybody hated Muriel what use is he to Lucio?

Kokhuri are alive. The tribe had to relocate but they left Khamgalai to tend to the graves. They are nomadic and matriarchal people who likely don't adhere to mother-father-child kind of European family structure. The children are raised communally.

Muriel's curse has nothing to do with myrrh, there's a rune that can counter it and only he knows how to make it, he figured it out by himself for Asra. Any magic that can nullify a spell by Major Arcana is no doubt strong as fuck.

I'd start similar to main 3, MC is tasked to find Lucio's murderer. They find Muriel's brush or loincloth or whatever early on which leads them to the forest but because of the protective spells and the curse they get lost. They ran into Muriel or Inanna and she leads them to Muriel hunched over the corpse. They try to help, like the canon, and have a brush with Lucio's goat ghost. They tell him they were looking for the Scourge and Muriel says there's no Scourge here.

The day after they forget about Muriel but remember the rest and relay that information to Asra, who gets agitated by Lucio's return. He thinks Lucio is here for MC's body but doesn't explain anything, instead begs them to leave town until he figures something out.

They go to see Muriel and he reluctantly agrees to accompany them to the outskirts of the forest, on Asra's request.

Some point on their road trip Asra water-calls them to inform them that Lucio is looking for hearts and the Magician (or whoever else Asra consulted) implied they might find answers South. MC still doesn't know anything except maybe some comments Muriel could have made that painted Lucio in a bad light but they decide to investigate regardless. Muriel opposes, eventually caves (either thanks to MC or Asra). He lets out that he's been tailing MC on Asra's behalf for years so it shouldn't be that much different.

They go from town to town, MC helps Muriel ease into dealing with people again and it's easier since nobody knows jack about Scourge. They learn that he enjoys card games and collecting trinkets from different cultures. He might even get a little too enthusiastic about plants and gives random advice to a gardener.

We might learn here that Muriel doesn't like feeling that he's on a display or that he's performing. He prefers to lay low and blend in, not necessarily completely shut off the world.

They run into Morga(maybe they encounter raiders or a barfight or something alike), who's also been tracking Lucio. She proposes to work together. She berates Muriel for being a coward and convinces him to fight as that's all he's good for. (I think it's better if MC trains on magic rather than archery, I'm seeing alot of disabled MCs.)

She tries to train them but Muriel doesn't respond well to fighting and eventually Morga leaves. Valdemar or Vulgora catches them, Lucio's still trying to get MC's body. They escape just barely, MC gets hurt, Muriel beats himself up over it, some angst some fluff, you know the drill. Maybe he has a panic attack because panic attacks are usually not as on the nose as "Oh No I Gotta Fight Someone With a Knife". Looking for a shelter and aid, they find a cottage which turns out to be Khamgalai's. She helps them out, teaches Muriel how to heal using the techniques of their clan, I assume MC helps since they know some restorative spells too. She tells Muriel his family sent him away when they got ambushed so he wouldn't have to live on the run as Morga's clan was on a war path to conquer South. We get sad, lots of tears. Kisses might ensue.

Somehow it's revealed that this is the answer they were looking for and not Lucio (because I think the whole "Lucio's clan" plot was redundant) and Morga was just using them as bait to get Lucio out of Vesuvia.

Morga catches on to them, we learn who she is, Muriel and MC confront her but Khamgalai says her warmongering already costed her everything. She says she's trying to make up for it by killing her son and she needs MC to lure him out, they agree to work together, begrudgingly. (MC's past can be revealed here since they need to learn what's the deal with Lucio's obsession of them at some point)

Around this point MC might realize the mark's fading, Muriel brushes it off.

Instead of Lucio, Devil comes and tells them about Lucio's plan to do the ritual again. They go back to Vesuvia to warn people

Masquerade happens, people remember Muriel, Nadia or MC or someone give people an ultimatum. But oh no it was a TRAP all along, Devil told them of the ritual to get them right where he wanted. Lucio gets in MC's body, Asra sends them to the Arcana realm, same story as main 3.

MC forgets Muriel on the Arcana realm but through the power of love and maybe some guidance from the Hermit they go "oh no i forgot my boy". They return to find him in the Coliseum. What?! He was the Scourge?! Who could've thought. (this reveal wouldn't affect MC's opinion at this point since they already know he's a cinnamon roll)

This time Lucio's blackmailing him with MC's body. He says he needs hearts to make himself a new one and if Muriel grabs some for him MC can get their body back.

Story diverges to Upright/Reversed

Upright, if MC encouraged him to take it easy, but take it: MC snatches the body of someone he's suppose to fight to change his mind, he decides not to do it and instead go with defeating Lucio on the Arcana realm plan(curtesy of their friends). So here we can have a romantic scene like in Nadia's route where his chains are broken in the Arena.

They fuck around in the Arcana realm facing their fears and stuff, they bond, defeat Lucio, petrify the Devil etc. I like to think Muriel finds the forest spirit here, too, and maybe manages to heal it or learns that it's damaged but with enough time and care it will regrow. (a metaphor? in my arcana game? its more likely than you think)

Morga is charged for war crimes by the Kokhuri, the Coliseum is demolished and the love birds travel around doing their thing.

Reversed, if MC encouraged him to be strong and uncaring: MC fails to convince him and he decides to go through with Lucio's plan. He kills Morga and some more important spirits and fucks up the world. Which turns out to be a bogus plan anyways, Lucio only needed the hearts to settle his deal and Muriel kills him, too (I am untethered, and my rage knows no bounds!)

Without a body MC is stuck in the other realm so Muriel and them retreat to the magic dimension, defeat the Devil and live the rest of their days.

There might also be a 50 first dates situation going on inwhich they get stuck in a loop where MC constantly meets and falls in love with Muriel only to forget him in a couple of (magic realm)days.

idk man this aint my job im just spitballing here, im writing this long ass thing so ill look like im working

#personal #muriel

114 notes · View notes

asflametosmoke · 3 years

Text

james farrow analysis (+ oliver and richard as they relate to him)

so last night i stayed up until 2 am messaging with my friend about iwwv, and what is tumblr for if not posting your 2 am ramblings. (i’ve streamlined and expanded on them a bit.)

massive spoilers for the whole book under the cut.

(edit: i realize now that the cut doesn’t show up on mobile, sorry 😬)

part i - james farrow + heroism

james’s casting archetype is the hero/lover/prince, but he actually subverts tropes of traditional heroism/heroic characters.

he doesn’t really have classic heroic traits. he’s not really brave, he’s slight of build, he’s intelligent yet manipulative.

he doesn’t really fall in love with the ingenue, wren. he sleeps with her, but more than anything, he does it to make oliver jealous. and i didn’t read his protectiveness of her as something that comes from a place of romantic love. you’re welcome to disagree, of course, because that’s a bit ambiguous, but most of the squad is protective of wren. james isn’t unique there. we see oliver and even richard, in his own way, feeling protective towards her. it’s not really an indicator that he loved her.

he falls into the trope of the hero killing the tyrant (richard), but it’s not a heroic action when he does it. it’s not a noble slaying. it’s the desperate act of a cornered animal.

he has what you might call a “hero complex”, a need to save and protect everyone. but this backfires hugely. his need to protect wren leads to him going into the woods to find richard, which, as we know, ends up with richard dead in the lake. his need to save oliver (and his own guilt over not having been able to save him) leads to the deterioration of his mental state, even to the point where he feels the need to disappear.

part ii - james farrow + villainy [buckle up, this is a long one]

here’s where it gets interesting. there are a lot of moving parts here:

he says he wants more variety on his resume, to not play heroes and lovers and princes all the time.

in gwedolyn’s class, he says he immerses himself in every character he plays, but can’t always find himself again afterwards.

he gets cast as macbeth.

he gets cast as edmund, the villain in king lear.

over the course of acts iv and v, he goes slightly insane.

james’s casting in the role of macbeth is arguably the inciting incident. it’s the root cause of richard going off the rails. it’s also the first time he plays a villainous character (macbeth is the tragic hero, sure, but when i say “villain” i mean it in the moral sense), and it virtually intoxicates him.

being cast in the role of edmund is not, of course, the only thing wearing on his sanity throughout acts iv and v. but it doesn’t help either. he says, “i want to hurt the whole world.” ultimately, this stems from his trauma from killing richard, but it’s no coincidence that he got himself cast as edmund while in this state. he wants to hurt the whole world, as james, and by immersing himself in edmund, he finds rhyme and reason for it.

not only that, but it’s through edmund and lear in general, through the vessel of villainy and tragedy, that he’s the most honest before his confession. in act v, scene ii, he gets drunk and desperately tries to talk to oliver through lear. there’s a lot to unpack in this scene, but here are some of the highlights:

“they’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipped for lying, and sometimes i am whipp’d for holding my peace.”

i’ve never read lear, so i can’t contextualize this in the play, but it’s very relevant to james. he’ll be punished (sent to prison) for confessing, but oliver can’t take any more lies.

“‘where is the villain, edmund?’ i asked. he smiled crazily and echoed, ‘“where is the villain, edmund?” a pause for punctuation, yes? but not the playwright’s - commas belong to the compositors. “where is the villain edmund? here, sir, but trouble him not - his wits are gone.”’

james isn’t really talking about edmund here, of course. he’s talking about himself, calling himself a “villain” and admitting he’s gone more than a little crazy with guilt and fear (“his wits are gone.”) he thinks he can’t be saved. but his hero complex and archetype are still important here. he’s been deemed the hero for years, and now all of a sudden he’s committed murder. his complex, his need to save everyone that in part stems from the role he’s been given for his whole career, is at war with his new belief that he himself cannot be saved.

“‘no less than all - and more, much more. the time will bring it out!’ he wrenched his arm away and smoothed the front of his shirt, as if he were trying to wipe his hands clean. ‘some blood drawn on me would beget opinion / of my more fierce endeavor.’”

clearly, this is a reference to richard’s death. james knows he’s running out of time, and soon enough his secret will be revealed one way or another. it also shows his guilt: he’s trying to “wipe his hands clean”, presumably of figurative blood, and he thinks he deserves to be hurt for his “more fierce endeavor” e.g. killing richard.

part iii - james + richard + oliver + royalty

princes fall into james’s archetype along with heroes and lovers.

kings fall into richard’s archetype along with tyrants and conquerors.

in the woods, richard repeatedly calls james “little prince”, placing james “below” richard in both literal and figurative stature.

after james’s confession, oliver says “worthy prince, i know’t” to him onstage even though he’s supposed to say that line to camilo.

he’s reclaiming the word from richard, in a sense, and telling james that no matter what he’s done, he’s still a “worthy prince”. he means everything to oliver despite the fact that he’s a murderer, and despite the fact that he himself doesn’t believe he’s noble anymore (though he desperately wants to be). it’s quite literally a love language for oliver, and perhaps the closest he comes to a declaration of love.

part iv - james + richard + oliver + the water [this is also a long one]

richard wants to see james drowned, and oliver is the only one preventing this.

the first appearance of this motif is on halloween, when richard tries to drown james in the lake.

this foreshadows james’s eventual fate. whether or not he truly drowned in the end is, of course, a point of contention. for the purposes of this analysis, i won’t take a position on whether or not james is alive, and i will address it with the same ambiguity that canon gives it. however, regardless of whether or not james is alive by the end, it’s undeniable that he went under the water, and in a sense, it was richard that dragged him under. filippa says, “it was the guilt, oliver.” and once oliver isn’t there to comfort him, enable the two of them to forget richard for a little while, it’s only a matter of time before his guilt weighs him down so much that he feels the need to disappear from his own life. even if he’s not dead, he’s certainly not james farrow anymore, wherever he might be.

james reveals that richard kept pushing him towards the dock. it’s unclear if he really intended to drown james or even push him in the water, but it’s not unlikely that this was his intention.

in the dock scene (act iii, scene i), james tries to dive into the water to save richard’s life, and oliver stops him. but oliver goes into the water himself in that scene (to make sure richard’s dead before they call the police). this parallels how in the end, oliver will turn himself in and falsely confess to save james.

finally, there’s the epilogue. when filippa tells oliver “james is gone”, oliver sees richard’s ghost again. “there he sits, in lounging, leonine arrogance. he watches me with a razor-thin smile and i realize that this is it - the denouement, the counterstroke, the end-all he was waiting for. he lingers only long enough for me to see the gleam of triumph in his half-lidded eyes; then he, too, is gone.”

this is the confirmation: from oliver’s perspective, at least, richard has always, always wanted to drown james. it was certainly his intention at halloween. while to us, it’s unclear whether or not that was his intention at the dock, oliver believes it was. so he sees richard’s ghost again and gets a final confirmation of what he’s always believed. richard, as oliver sees him, is finally satisfied.

but we’re not done. how could i be, without addressing the pericles in the room?

disclaimer: i’ve never read pericles, so as with lear, i’m not going to contextualize the monologue contained in james’s “suicide note” in the play as a whole. that’s a separate analysis, albeit an interesting one i’m sure, for someone with more shakespeare knowledge than me. (although i have read caesar, so i might analyze iwwv and caesar some time in the future.)

“alas, the sea hath cast me on the rock / wash’d me from shore to shore, and left me breath / nothing to think on but ensuing death.”

right from the outset, we see that james might be alive. he’s been “wash’d [...] from shore to shore, and left [...] breath”. the water has transformed him (to use a christian metaphor, almost like a kind of baptism. i think. i’m Extremely jewish so i might be using that wrong.) but not necessarily killed him.

death consumes james’s thoughts, and it likely has since he killed richard seven years earlier.

“what i have been i have forgot to know; / but what i am, want teaches me to think on: / a man throng’d up with cold: my veins are chill, / and have no more of life than may suffice / to give my tongue that heat to ask your help; which if you shall refuse, when i am dead, / for that i am a man, pray see me buried.”

all the life has slowly been sucked out of him since he killed richard to the point where he’s little more than a shell of a man by 2004, so he decides to disappear into the water. again, whether or not he’s dead, he’s clearly not living the life of james farrow anymore, wherever he may be. so he’s disappeared. he may not be dead, but james farrow, the identity if not the man, did drown in that freezing water.

and yet, he has just enough of a will to live, just enough of a desire to be known (and perhaps loved) that he writes this note and puts oliver’s name on the envelope. he’s not ready to drown just yet. maybe the water didn’t care and drowned him anyway. but maybe, just maybe, it saved him.

part v - conclusion/author’s notes

if you stuck around all the way here, to the end, wow. thanks for suffering through my ramblings. seriously, thank you. and congratulations i guess.

i tried to write a tl;dr, i’m sorry, i failed. i know my strengths, and conciseness isn’t one of them.

i do wanna say this, though: james farrow is not a good person. neither is he a bad person. iwwv does not deal in moral absolutes, or really any absolutes at all. and i do feel like we as a reader base and fanbase don’t always do the best job at acknowledging james’s moral complexity. (or oliver’s, or meredith’s, but that’s another post for another time.) this is not a direct callout to anyone in particular, nor is it an attack. it’s really just meant to be food for thought.

#iwwv #if we were villains #iwwv spoilers #james farrow #oliver marks #richard stirling #analysis #tw suicide #tw drowning #tw death #tw murder #tw water

147 notes · View notes

takerfoxx · 2 years

Text

Arcane, Season 1, Episode 7, "Oil and Water," First Impressions!

Evolution does not always mean improvement.

It was inevitable that our game characters would eventually take on their final form, become as we know them in LoL itself. Unfortunately, that is not always a positive thing.

In the case of Vi and Jayce, they finally take up their iconic weapons and act as the defenders of Piltover, and we get a pretty awesome fight as they work together to fight off Silco’s Shimmer-induced henchmen. However, immediately after they are treated to a harsh lesson of who ultimately suffers in war, and the consequences of meeting an evil with direct force. Were they wrong to act? No, not necessarily. But to sit atop one’s throne and order violence for the “greater good” is one thing. It’s another to see the innocents that will suffer and die as a result of your order, especially when it’s by your own hand.

In the case of Jinx, Silco’s love for her compels him to seek help from probably the last person one ought to go to in such a situation. Singed is effective, but like the proverbial monkey paw seeking his help will often make you wish that you hadn’t. I mean, dude had to freaking tranq Silco just to keep him from freaking out because of what he was going to do to Jinx. Silco!

Regardless, Jinx’s body has been saved, but her mind has been further fractured, and now she is loose, and coming for Cait, whom she blames for taking Vi away from her.

Also, Singed has a daugher? Was it Rio the Salamander? It seems like something he'd do.

And then we get to poor Viktor, another excellent reason why seeking the help of Singed is a bad idea. Yes, combining Shimmer with those runes and touching the hexcore is “healing” him, replacing his corrupted flesh with metal. But even as he was able to walk and run for the first time, it was hard to feel any triumph for him, because we all know what happens next. It’s not enough to simply restore strength to his leg. His entire body is failing, and so he desperately gives more and more to the hexcore.

And that results in the loss of his childhood friend Sky, poor girl. My man is about to snap.

Though seriously, lock the door from the inside next time you meddle with powers beyond mortal ken.

On a brighter note, Heimerdinger seems to have taken Jayce’s words to heart and has resolved to make up for his neglect of his people and goes to the Undercity to see if he can help. Doesn’t work out at first, but that leads him to Ekko, fortunately still alive, and the two form a bond from their love of machines and their desire to help their people. If ever there was a more unlikely pair that could do the most good, it’s them.

I admit, I was somewhat surprised how little Mel had to do in this episode, considering that she got the lead-in flashback. But aside from that tiff with her mom and the council meeting, she didn’t do a whole lot (unless she did and I just forgot about it). She is an interestingly morally grey character, and one of the few that I really can’t tell where her story will end up. Same for her mom. Why is she really there?

As for Vi, her problems are a lot more personal. She feels that she failed to bring the help to the Undercity like she promised, she feels that she failed in her duty to protect Piltover, and we get her sobbing in the shower over the memory of Vi walking away from her in the rain as water pounds down both in reality and in her mind, a clear metaphor for the oil and water, but also possibly something else often associated with women and water and-

Look, they’re being anything but subtle. Cait is falling for Vi, and much like Jinx, she feels rejected by her, but unlike Jinx, she has no one to blame for it.

Unfortunately, she so happens to be that person that Jinx blames for costing her her sister, and now the newly healed and completelyderanged sister of her crush is on the loose, things are about to get a whole lot worse for her.

Only one episode left. My body is ready, but my heart is not.

#arcane #league of legends #lol #vi #jayce #caitlyn #jinx #silco #singed #viktor #heimerdinger #ekko #mel #ambessa #oil and water #reaction

11 notes · View notes

dukeofonions · 3 years

Text

“Because I was one of them.”

“Oh, okay cool.”

Or alternatively: Why Virgil’s confession has lost it’s impact.

Exploring the Dark Sides (Part One)

Something I realized the other day is that a lot of my current issues with this series wouldn’t exist if there was a consistent uploading schedule.

You see when there’s a steady stream of new content flowing I’m more inclined to just go with the flow and not spend so much time looking back analyzing things I’ve already floated past because why should I when there’s so much new stuff ahead?

But say that stream suddenly comes to an abrupt stop and I’m left sitting with nowhere else to go. At that point I start looking back, noticing little things that I hadn’t noticed during my initial trip down this metaphorical river. I now notice all the jagged rocks, how shallow the water actually is, etc.

And while this doesn’t necessarily ruin my experience over all, I’m left scratching my head wondering whose idea it was to come to this place anyway. Sure it’s not the worst place to go floating, but surely there’s a better place with deeper water and less hazards. Just an easier way to float along where one doesn’t have to worry about the stream suddenly ending.

I don’t know where this metaphor came from but to sum it up: since there are such long waits (years now) between actual Sanders Sides episodes and there’s a lack of new content to take in, I’m left looking back over what we have now and during my little look backs I’ve begun to notice some things that cause issues with the latest additions to the series.

Some of the more interesting things I’ve noticed revolve around the three resident “Dark Sides” and how they’re written in the series. While a lot of it is really good and I think they’ve got some of the best moments in the series, there’s also a lot of little things that pop up that, when looking at the series as a whole, don’t make a lot of sense.

Which is why I’ve begun this little series where I do a little deep dive into some of these things I’ve noticed and break them down to see if I can try and make sense of it, and this post is going to focus on Virgil.

More specifically, Virgil’s confession to being a former “Dark Side” and how it’s kinda lost it’s thunder.

As per usual, this is all my own opinion and you’re free to agree or disagree as you see fit. Of course I get pretty salty but I try to avoid getting too negative because where’s the fun in that?

Anywho, on with the show!

I’ll admit, despite my problems with the concept of “Dark Sides” as a whole, I genuinely loved the subplot of Virgil hiding that he used to be one of them from Thomas.

From a story telling standpoint they do a good job with the foreshadowing, leaving plenty of clues for the audience to find and it all pays off at the end. It’s also unclear at first whether Roman, Logan, and Patton know (Spoiler alert they do) and there’s some close calls via Janus and Remus dropping hints in front of Thomas which cause Virgil to freak out and adds some tension to the series.

It also provides a bit of a mystery around Virgil, Janus, and Remus as while it’s clear that the three have some kind of history together we’re never told or shown explicitly how their relationship was. Of course, we’re given plenty of hints, but we have yet to know what life was like when Virgil was “one of them” and it gives the audience more to look forward to and theorize about.

And of course, the actual reveal itself is amazing. The acting, the music, the complete silence after Virgil confesses and him looking like he’s about to cry as he sinks out is just *cheff’s kiss* perfect.

So what exactly is the problem here?

The foreshadowing? There’s just enough to get people theorizing but still plenty of room for people to speculate without spelling everything out.

The reveal? What can I say, I don’t have any complaints here. It’s definitely one of my favorite scenes from the series and I can’t find a single thing wrong with it from a technical stand point.

But as mentioned before, I started thinking about it more, and after taking everything we know about Virgil and "the dark sides" into account, this question suddenly came to mind:

Why is Thomas so shocked by this?

Think about it, when Virgil first appeared he was a little bitch. He was kind of the first antagonist of the series. Not evil per say, but compared to the other Sides he was a little shit who enjoyed bringing Thomas down. He was very much what one might consider a "dark side."

He wasn't ever trying to act like a "good guy" in order to earn Thomas's trust or anything, he was very open about what his role was and how it’s just who he is. So really, Thomas's reaction should have been something along the lines of, "Oh, okay. Makes sense."

Of course, we do see Virgil change over time and we learn that he isn't as bad as he seems (even though that seems questionable now) but that should have made his "past" even more obvious.

Like, Thomas, the guy had a whole acceptance arc because he was a bitch and no one liked him. You were literally there throughout his entire journey, it shouldn't surprise you that he was once part of a group you consider to be "evil."

Well okay, maybe Virgil just wanted to be honest regardless of whether or not the "dark sides" are actually evil or not. Who knows? Maybe he chose to confess when he did because he saw how horribly Remus had been affecting Thomas and seeing as he felt as though he'd failed to protect Thomas from Remus and Janus, figured he might as well try to protect Thomas from himself as well.

Which, okay, if that were the case then that could explain Thomas's reaction. He'd just met Remus, saw him at what could he his worst (we've only had one actual episode with Remus so who knows how bad he can get?) and while he learned that he's actually pretty easy to deal with and isn't as scary as he thought, who's to say the reverse couldn't happen with Virgil?

He saw that he wasn't as bad as he thought, but when you look at how nasty Virgil's been lately, who's to say that couldn't happen? It's been said that Virgil, as Thomas's anxiety, is manageable and isn't as bad as others. But we've literally seen Thomas say that he's afraid of what Virgil could do and so he just kind of has to let him do his thing in order to avoid all the "bad stuff" he could do.

According to Thomas: "There's a lot that Virgil could do that I don't want him to do. He knows exactly how to push my buttons. But he is who he is. All we can do is try to listen to him as best as we can and adapt to his needs."

(For anyone who wants to watch the clip here's the time stamp Embarrassing Phases 20:31)

Uh, yeah, that sounds super healthy there. But I'll get into my issues with that little message in another post.

Just before this though, Roman had asked Thomas if "He's (Virgil) going back to being scary can I go back to calling him names?"

Thomas responds by telling him as he's leaving that he still has to be nice to him, before Logan expresses that he's glad (or relieved) that Virgil didn't go into Thomas's "girl phase" which just hearing it being mentioned seems to stress Thomas out. Then finally after Logan leaves Patton explains that while he's trying to respect Virgil's wants and still be a good friend, he feels like he just makes things worse which is where Thomas attempts to reassure him.

Except his advice is to just, let Virgil do what he wants so he doesn't hurt them? And while he says they need to work with Virgil it doesn't seem like he's requiring Virgil to work with him as well in order to not make his life miserable?

Hm, is it possible that my answer as to why Thomas reacts so strongly to Virgil being "one of them" lies within my least favorite episode in the series?

Perhaps Thomas was already starting to be afraid of Virgil before the whole confession in DWIT, and has gotten to a point where he's forcing himself (shown by him telling the others to keep "being nice to Virgil" despite how he treats them) to just take whatever Virgil throws at him in order to spare himself from whatever worse things Virgil could do to him?

That, added with everything that happens in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts, where Thomas witnesses a Side of himself that appears to be worse than Virgil, could have set him on edge. And if Remus, who he considers a dark side, who he openly admits to hating and is so afraid of him that he loses sleep, then just how bad could Virgil be if he was ever at his worst?

With all that in mind, yeah. It does make sense why Thomas would react the way he did and why he'd be cautious of trusting Virgil in the future.

Except, none of this has actually been confirmed within the series and is purely speculation and since we still don't have the season two finale, we really have no idea what Thomas actually feels towards the situation since he kinda brushes it off at the end of DWIT by doing the outro.

But wait... we actually do know how Thomas feels. In fact, we already know how the issue is resolved!

Looks like it's time for-

How Asides Ruins Everything!

You all remember when Asides was first announced, right? These were meant to be shorter, lighter videos that took place outside of the current series and were meant to give us content in between the long breaks for regular Sanders Sides episodes that also wouldn't get in the way of filming said episodes.

Well we all know how that little idea turned out seeing as it's now been a year since Putting Others First and they decided that we needed to have two Asides episodes before the finale that were apparently essential to the "plot" even though the current plot in Sanders Sides has nothing to do with Thomas getting a boyfriend but I digress.

But you know, I wouldn't be as upset about the Asides causing us having to wait longer for the actual story to pick up again, if the Asides episodes didn't ruin the actual series!

How did it manage this? Well, let's just look at Virgil here and the entire point of this post which is, as the title states, why his confession has lost its impact.

And the answer? Well, at some point the writer's decided that the best way to resolve the new conflict between Thomas and Virgil was to have them indirectly make amends by using some random character that is clearly just a stand in for Virgil and use this character's "confession of a past they weren't proud of" as a way to discuss the situation and Thomas's feelings on the matter just to have Thomas indirectly assure Virgil that they're still "okay" and it doesn't bother him.

So according to Asides, Thomas is just fine with Virgil despite his confession. And as we see in the following Asides episode, they're still cool with each other!

So what was the point of that dramatic confession, which was being built up towards throughout pretty much all of season two, just to have the characters indirectly discuss it and make amends like it was nothing???

Why should the audience care when it all just gets brushed aside (ha) like it's no big deal?

Everything was in place for Virgil's reveal before the Asides came into the picture. You had the build up, you had the pay off, there was the suspense when Virgil was completely absent from POF, and then you would have had him confronting Thomas and the two having to directly come to terms with this new information.

But nope! Let's just have them sit awkwardly by each other on the couch while they watch Frozen in onesies while everyone keeps talking about some random character whom the audience has never heard of before that we're supposed to figure out is meant to represent Virgil and Thomas is all "Nah we're still cool bro."

What's supposed to happen now? Janus is supposedly a "good guy" now so why would he bring up Virgil's past to get under his skin? And if he still does why would it bother Thomas since he's already come to terms with it?

Look, even though I've got my problems with the concept of "dark sides" as a whole, it wouldn't have mattered to me if they'd at least committed to telling a good story here with Virgil's past because I was genuinely interested in that.

I freaked out when he told Thomas, and initially I thought we weren't going to see those two interact again until the finale where Virgil would finally have to face Thomas and we'd get to watch how he comes to terms with it. And if Asides hadn't been a thing and we had gone straight from DWIT to POF it looks like this was the direction they were headed.

But instead we're basically told (not shown) by Thomas that he's fine with Virgil. And the reason as to why Virgil's not in POF despite being on good terms with Thomas?

"There was just no reason for him to be there."

Really? There was no reason for Virgil, who was directly part of the discussion that led to POF in the first place, to be present during the aftermath of the decision they all had helped Thomas make?

There was more reason for him to be there than Logan and he still showed up! They had the perfect explanation set up for them in DWIT: Virgil had just revealed his past to Thomas and due to being afraid of how he'd respond (or just wanting to give Thomas space and not stress him out more) chose to remain absent from the conversation.

That actually makes sense and lines up with the story but nope.

The "Dark Sides" and Virgil's past with them was one of my favorite things about the series. The mystery surrounding it all and Virgil trying to protect Thomas from them while keeping his own history with them a secret was a brilliant concept thats just kinda fallen flat on its face.

The long waits between episodes don't help, and how they're rushing through certain aspects within the series itself along with Asides coming in and muddling things up, I don't really care to be invested anymore.

Why should I when there's a chance anything interesting they come up with will just be glossed over like it's no big deal?

It's hard to make a final judgment here in regards to Virgil's current arc when we still have no conclusion in sight. But from what we've seen from Asides, which is now integral to the plot of Sanders Sides, we kinda already have our answer.

Thomas and Virgil are just fine with each other. We learned that Flirting With Social Anxiety takes place right after POF and that Virgil already knows about Janus getting on Thomas's good side so there's no suspension with him finding out about that either.

All that's really left with him is his troubling relationship with Patton but I don't even care about that anymore. They've hardly addressed it at all and given what we've been seeing I doubt the conclusion to their strained relationship won't be satisfying either.

I don't know what the finale, or the rest of the series, will hold concerning Virgil. While I hope that things will turn around and get better, at this current rate it doesn't seem likely.

Episodes are still taking years to make, and the ones we're getting are just distracting from the main plot or taking things away.

Virgil isn't the only character suffering from this, but at least he's not as worse off as others.

Which is why in the next installment of this series, we'll be taking a look at a little, yellow snake and how one of the characters with the most potential ended up being the most underwhelming parts of the series.

#dukeofcritical #exploringthedarksides

46 notes · View notes

inked-out-trees · 2 years

Note

3, 4, 18 for the ask game? Thanks :)

(Might send more in the morning- I’m NOT trying to start another ask fight don’t worry haha)

3. What is one scene you've always wanted to write but couldn't be arsed to write all the set-up and context it required?

HERE'S THE THING. Last time I answered this question I mentioned something about "lesbians on a boat that I'm dead set on writing for a workshop next semester"? It's workshop time and I am no closer to ever thinking of anything for that bit so here we are.

I have no idea about the context. It's a summer fling, I think. The love interest teaches the narrator about the lake creatures, all the dangers in the water below them, the worlds unknown. The love interest might also have something a little off about her. I don't know. All I know is that it ends with the narrator in the water, wondering how she'd gotten to be nearly drowning, and in this last rumination, she says to her love interest, from somewhere in the depth, I see your hands reaching for me. Like an angel. Or a siren.

Point being, the love interest could be pulling her up to the surface (angel) or dragging her to drown (siren). But regardless, I've been sitting on this idea for a literal year and it's been petulantly giving me nothing, so I present it forth to the world. (Watch me finally get a clue now that I've told someone. Wouldn't that be something!)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you're really proud of (and explain why, if you'd like.)

Here are a few!

Horn Signals (Symphony no. 31): "She thinks of the Nile who lingered in her seat at the end of her very first rehearsal, confident in her skills yet hesitant in the busy room, wondering what in the hell was going to come next. You're going to have so much fun, she tells that version of herself; I promise you, these months will be good." (chapter 5) -- I remember having so much trouble ending this story, but the last line wallops me emotionally and I'm glad for it.

homeward, bound: "This is a war of wills. He and his uncle are playing chess with pawns carved from the upper hand, and he is not winning." (chapter 4) -- I just really like this metaphor :')

make off like a band(it): "Don't move. I'm going to eat your moustache." (chapter 12) -- it made my sister laugh :)

The Keep Going Song: "'Oh, don't start,' Chris says. But he's smiling." (part t) -- my whole thing about writing big changes in little actions? that.

18. Do any of your stories have alternate versions? (plotlines you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations) tell us about them!

BOY DO THEY! Here's a small list:

- the Max Is Not Okay storyline I abandoned in homeward, bound because it didn't fit the trajectory (in which the portal was glass and the cast simply saw a wreck where he was meant to be and panicked)

- a handful of false starts from my problem section of ex-home syndrome (may or may not be released once ex-home itself is released)

- the ENTIRE plot of Lookout 1.5, an adjacent Lookout AU in which the team hits up Bethsbridge before Paul dies and we get some Nicks Brothers Action. literally I have it all summarised neatly in my notes app (and it's so good). will I ever write it? probably not. a girl can dream though

- half an abandoned plotline for one of my chapters of the universe is pitted against us that I was halfway through before deciding it wasn't something I wanted to talk about. it will not be released but it haunts me sometimes

- the proposal for a film adaptation of homeward, bound, which included more hints to Chris and Guz's childhood and also probably an extended fever dream sequence because I really like those.

#yes it did take me all day to get to these #sorry #meta writing tag #if you have more questions about lookout 1.5 i am delighted to answer #or really any of the abandoned works #minus the universe. won't be talking about that one #the others? fair game go wild

3 notes · View notes

aflyingcontradiction · 3 years

Text

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 89 - Twice as Bright

Jon: Right. But no more abattoir metaphors, please. Jude: Suppose it’s not really me, is it?

Yeah, too Fleshy.

Jon: I just have a few questions. Did you burn down a section of Gwydir Forest last year? Jude: Not alone, but yes. You should have seen how devastated they were, such a loss. Jon: I’m sure the Forestry Commission were mortified. Why? Jude: Stop that! And it was because Nikola Orsinov asked us to.

Jon doesn't even know what he's doing and Jude is getting all bristly, like a scared cat hissing.

Jon: I just… er, you were a friend of Agnes Montague, correct? Jude: She’s not one of your little stories. Jon: According to the statement of Jack Barnabas, she very much is.

Anyone going to throw things at me if I say "Oooh, burn!" in this context? Because, this is very much an Ooooh burn sort of situation.

Jon: Yes, yes, I understand, you could easily kill me, I’m at your mercy, blah, blah, blah. I have heard it before. And from things much scarier than you.

Jeez, Jon, where's all THIS coming from all of the sudden? Man, I wish I ever went from 'exhaustedly done with the world's shit' to 'I'm giving the world its shit right back!' like that!

Jude: Are you trying to talk me into killing you? If I wanted, I could reach through your chest like runny wax, and hold your heart while it cooked. No-one would even notice, if I didn’t give you time to scream.

Oh god, I love Jude. Every other avatar we've met is all quiet menace until they go full-monster and even then they're just 'JooOoon, coming to fiiiiind youuuu'. And here's Jude just CHEWING the goddamn scenery with relish, cutting things asunder with her edge. I've said this multiple times to people while discussing TMA but Jude is just basically the navy seal copypasta of avatardom and I'm enjoying her so much right now!

Jude: Hard to say. When I look at you I feel that burning liquid pain, eager to flow out and purify your rotten carcass, but I feel that a lot. Jon: Oh. M-More or less than normal? Jude: Hard to say when every nerve ending’s on fire. Hard to tell degrees. Jon: Third degree, maybe?

I cannot tell you which of the two I want to squeal at more right now. I adore this entire dialogue so much.

Jude: Oh please, your god is nothing! The Eye, Beholding, Ceaseless Watcher, whatever you call it, that’s all it does, it watches and knows, sitting bulbous and comfortable in the ignorance of infinite knowledge. I serve a reckoning, a surging tide of destruction and pain.

Okay, but you still react like a cat that's been sprayed with water whenever Jon asks you a question, Jude, love, you're not fooling anyone...

Jude: The unfathomable contest of eternal forces is not the only reason I might want someone dead.

This is important right here. Obviously the idea that avatars are still their own people, regardless of the Entity they serve, became really obvious somewhere along the line, but at this point in my first go I was still basically thinking in terms of "Hm, well, this power and that power interact in this way... wait, that makes no sense..." and sort of discounting that it's not always ABOUT the powers, despite how obvious that was!

Jon: Statement of Jude Perry, regarding… some advice.

Jon just vacillates wildly between fear and being so DONE with Jude's bullshit and I'm enjoying every minute of it.

Jude: The pain is sensational. You feel your flesh cooking, your nerves screaming out as they die exquisitely. Your whole body changes texture as you become that which feeds the fire. In that agonising, beautiful transformation, you can feel it ignite again and again and again.

Okay, now she's just making self-immolation sound tempting...

It was Agnes, of course. I don’t know where she found me, I only remember sitting in a booth with a beautiful young woman who smelled like matches and incense.

Well, someone's certainly smitten...

And with each act of glorious, hateful destruction, I felt my god’s love embrace me, consume me, give me life. Any feelings of pity or mercy I might have had for the poor woman I fed from were cauterised.

Ah, come on, like they existed to need cauterising in the first place...

And so I ended it. For all the agony and pain on Gretchen’s face, she didn’t seem surprised when I doused myself in kerosene and set it alight. I think she screamed. She must have screamed.

Tbh, Gretchen may have been traumatised for life but Jude seems to have lost interest in her after, so that was probably fucking lucky for poor Gretchen here.

Jon: Michael? (...) Corridors, weird limbs, laughs like a… headache? Jude: What? No. He’s pale, got a big, weird scar. Smells of, um… Jon: Oh, ozone! Jude: Yeah, that’s the one. Hangs around with the Fairchilds sometimes.

I love that the podcast is lampshading the fact that they've got two recurring characters named Michael (AND one Mikaele on top but at least he's usually referred to by his last name). I wonder at what point Johnny went "Whoops, I may have created a confusion." (I mean, not that it's unrealistic, my UK friend group-and-adjacent-people had enough Andrews, Johns and Matts that they basically all ended up with weird nicknames but it's just a bad idea to have identical names in fiction.)

Jude: Come on. It won’t hurt. (...) I lied. Jon: - SCREAMING IN INCREASING AGONY -

I mean, first of all, duh, yeah, OF COURSE SHE LIED! But also, Johnny is not a bad actor. The scream reminded me a little of that one time that my partner managed to scald a hand with boiling water while making tea (one of the worst sounds I've ever heard, incidentally, would like to not hear that again.)

My impression of this episode

First of all, I adore Jude. Don't get me wrong, I don't mean I'd be friends with her (I mean, duh, she was despicable as a human being and is now a fully devoted servant of the Entity-of-torment-and-loss, having near-orgasms over the idea of making people suffer, so...) but as a character she's just so beautifully over the top! It's fun! And Jon's interaction with her is incredibly interesting because, well, this may be the first time that Jon meets anything Entity-adjacent that is actually afraid of HIM (and yeah, Jude may be putting on a tough act, but she seems fucking terrified.) That was just really fun to watch, to be honest. A little bit of ... vicarious power fantasy, perhaps, at least until Jude turns the tables again. This was just a really enjoyable episode!

#tma relisten #the magnus archives

10 notes · View notes

avadescent · 3 years

Text

I ended up in a place further than the universe (the anime). I have thoughts.

We’re introduced to Kimari first, but all four girls are treated equally, the way Antarctica treats all people—regardless of age, race, gender, personality—the same.

It starts with the concept of “bursting forth”, of something being ‘contained’ and that something ‘breaking free’. It also starts with the concept of youth: how it is a time filled with opportunities, of not knowing what you want until you see it, until you can grasp it with both hands and say, “In your face!”

Most importantly, it starts with Kimari, who hates herself and thinks she’s worthless; who says she’s clinging on to Megu because she doesn’t know how to make decisions for herself and doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life, always needing a hand to point her in the right direction. That’s the essence of this whole show: this self-loathing, this need to break free, find something meaningful—whether it’s Antarctica for Kimari, letting go of a lost mother for Shirase, moving forward brazenly like Hinata, or learning what “true” friendship is like Yuzuki—but not knowing where to start, or what steps to take.

Not knowing what you don’t know.

Because that’s youth, right? We don’t know what we want to be, what we’re truly aiming for; we think we want to find a lost mother one moment and then figure out that wasn’t really what we were looking for at all; we’re all just trying to find some sort of ‘purpose’: a goal to achieve, a dream to come true, a destination to arrive at.

Kimari wants to “make the most of her youth”, but the first time she tries, she doesn’t end up going. She wanted to go on a journey without a destination in mind; she wanted her high school life to be fruitful, but when she’s at the station the water pools at her feet, her shoes are soaked, and she misses her train.

And then she meets Shirase: she sees someone with a goal, someone with passion, someone who seemed to know exactly what she wanted and see exactly where she wanted to go. Shirase is a bullet train with only one destination, and Kimari makes a choice.

She’s going to board this train. No matter what.

Sometime in episode 5 or so, she’s talking with Captain Gin, and she says something along the lines of, “I had all these experiences, I met all these people, and that became Antarctica for me.”

Later on, when they’re going home from their trip, she says, “Barfing and barfing—thinking, ‘I’m going to die’” to which Hinata responds good-naturedly: “Well, that’s part of the journey too.”

I like how this anime starts and ends. I like the journey in between. We learn more and more about the girls, and their personalities are cemented further by reoccurring habits and personality traits.

I like how Kimari starts unsure and timid, not knowing what to do or where she’s going but determined to put her efforts in somewhere. I like how Kimari journeys, how she grapples with the “adult things” and struggles with finding a job, with the anxiety or fear that Antarctica is just a beautiful dream, but not an actual reality. “Can we make it? Can we really make it?” is such a raw and powerful question, and it’s presented and executed so subtly that it feels so real.

I like how Kimari ends, looking up at the Northern Lights with the friends she’s made and laughing at the friend who’d gone off to find a world for herself just as she had—it’s like a cycle. Kimari who was holding on, who meets someone with a drive to go somewhere further than the universe, and decides for herself that she’ll go too. Megu who was holding on, who sees Kimari become this bold, passionate person despite all her clumsiness and innocence, and decides for herself that she can live in a world without Kimari in it too. (I’m extremely happy about Megu’s plot thread, can you tell? We started with Kimari and Megu’s friendship, after all, I like how we ended with it.)

I like how Shirase starts. Determined, steadfast. I like how she journeys: her increasing anxiety, how she questions her feelings, her ultimate goal. Because even if we have straightforward goals, even if we know exactly what we want, sometimes we’re filled with doubt. The world likes to say “no”: Shirase is looked down on by her peers and ostracized, she’s turned down multiple times by the expedition team, but she works at it, digs her heel and pushes back at a world that keeps trying to shove her down. I like how she doubts why she came. I also like how she resolves her undecided feelings about her mother, how she decides to look forward with the friends she’s made and let go of the past, allowing her mother to rest in the place she found most beautiful. I like how she ends: the way she cuts her hair and smiles so freely for what seems like the first (and only) time.

I like how everyone in this anime has some sort of influence on each other—Shirase with Gin, how they try to reconcile and live in a world without the person who served as their link; Shirase with Hinata especially, how her stubborn nature butts heads with Hinata’s own, and how they care for each other in their own indirect, obstinate, and affectionate way (though they do end up screaming avowals of friendship haha, it’s like their language).

I like how Kimari’s open and bubbly nature contrasts Yuzuki’s untrusting and reserved disposition; I love how they teach each other what it means to be friends: over time and over distance. I also really found it funny how Yuzuki always complained about Kimari’s sleeping habits.

“A Place Further Than the Universe” is definitely a story that leads to Antarctica—where all these girls can open up and discover “who they are”, where they’re stripped bare, “naked and crying”, it’s so unabashedly human.

And it’s not afraid. It’s not afraid to discuss the girls’ feelings—from shallow things like “I hate it when people are being considerate” to deep things like “There has to be some proof that your mother was here!” I like how it touches on the different aspects of friendship: how a bond grows stronger over time, how some bonds don’t ever really break, how some do, and how sometimes, you have to be mature and kind enough to give your friend space to deal with something on their own.

I also liked the way they framed the journey to Antarctica as a metaphor for life: breaking through the ice, doubling down and digging deep, pushing forward despite the challenges, learning how to strip yourself bare and see yourself clearly, for who you are, and learning how to do the same for the people around you. How you have to look up and see the stars sometimes, how nothing lasts forever, how the world will keep on spinning, always, no matter what you do.

Life isn’t one solitary journey but it transitions from one journey to another. The water in a pool stays there until it rushes out, and when it rushes out it keeps going and going. It’s “bursting forth”.

Marching through with your head held high.

#thoughts #essay #sora yori mo tooi basho #a place further than the universe #it was a great watch #i shed a tear at the end and was taught many a lesson

14 notes · View notes

binniedeactivated · 3 years

Text

𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐅𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞. || k.th

─▸🖤 ❝ @[@𝐛𝐮𝐠𝐬𝐛𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐲𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐠.. ]

✎𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

✎ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭

✎ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭; 3.5k

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; 𝐈𝐧 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐜𝐡 𝐭𝐚𝐞𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞'𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒; 𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐞

a/n; this is basically the aftermath of me at 4am watching one too many poetry videos

it was his thing, you know. words. he had a way with them. and because of this he was invited by one of his bestfriends to recite a speech at a wedding of a couple he barely knew. regardless though, taehyun obliged to the request. he didn’t have to know them to give them something beautiful to remember their wedding day by.

but by the time taehyun got there he wish he hadn’t known them. well, he wish he hadn’t known you.

he saw the huge picture of you both. you and your soon to be husband on the poster board as an invitation for your guests to come in. he could only stand there and stare, wishing he drunk himself silly the night before to prepare for a day such as this. he sat in the pews alongside people he recognized from college, most of which barely recognized him. he was surprised that you still kept in contact with some of these idiots and jerks. but that was just like you. keeping around those you knew weren’t good for you.

it didn’t take much for taehyun to realize that he didn’t want to be here. what was once a feeling of hope and optimism sank into the sanctuary and it was almost as if he could feel himself drowning in anxiety and his own sorrow. the nights and days, the hell that he went through with you replayed in his head over and over like a broken record player and he didn’t know how to make it stop.

so when it was time for him to step behind the microphone. staring deep into the eyes of you and your husband he didn’t know what to do. he had plans to recite a speech so beautiful it could make doves cry but now he had something different.

he swallowed the lumps in his throat for what it felt like the one hundreth time. his chest was tight and warm and it felt like the walls were caving in each time he locked his eyes into the familiar umber of yours. your heart immediately sunk. he gifts the crowd a small smile before adjusting the microphone.

“this speech is for the firsts. the first time you saw one another. the first time you held hands, the first time you kissed and the first time you looked into each other’s eyes and realized that no, there would never be another love like this. your first date. the first time you met each other’s family and bonded instantly because you knew that in your hearts this love was eternity this is for the first time you danced together; letting the blissful puppy love melodies rock you back and forth like a lullaby because in this scene of love like a newborn baby your whole entire world is brand new and you’d rather know nothing else than the heart that beats against your own”. he croaks,

“this is for the first time being jealous. the rage at the pit of your stomach boiling over like a pot of water at just the sheer thought of someone stealing what belongs to you and then simmering yet again once you realize that this love is stronger than every sigma bond any chemist has ever known. this is for the first heart break. the missed calls. the missed texts. taking turns playing the silent game while your unsaid words ricochet off these bedroom walls clashing into glasses of anger leaving nothing but the sheards beneath your feet and since your pride was more swollen than any apologetic bone in your body you picked up the pieces and carved your name into my skin I have never healed from the wounds you gave me that night. and every time I think of you, like alcohol your name stings against my skin but I can’t help but to think about the way our love could’ve healed beautifully like I never did--

“maybe he holds you carefully like I never did maybe he loves you better than I ever did it’s clear to see that I was never the man you wanted me to be but at least I tried to make it as memorable as your smile when you first wake up in the morning. this goes for the firsts. the first time you’ve ever heard me say anything like this before but before you’re cradled into the arms of another man under the stars of your infatuated neverland I just had to say it this once. I hope you both experience a love so beautiful the angels in heaven dance to the harmony of your beating hearts and even on your darkest days may you remember that nothing other than each other could ever make you this whole again. this speech is for the firsts. for my first, for my first love”.

and just as the audience clapped you clapped too with tears sitting in your cheeks. you were surprised that even your husband clapped, thinking it was just some sort of sweet metaphor he was using. but you knew taehyun’s hurt was far beyond metaphors. you took advantage of him in ways you tried to forget about. and you definitely wasn’t expecting the pain to sink in on your wedding day. at an event where newly weds happily danced and spoke to their wedding guests here you were in the bathroom crying softly into tissues hoping your makeup wouldn’t smear.

you also hoped no one would notice but of course fate was never on your side especially running into taehyun in the hallway. he stepped back and apologized before getting a good look at you. your heart began to pound. you were pissed at him for making you feel this way.

“taehyun? what was that about out there?”.

“I’m still in love with you”. he said more boldly than you expected.

“what? what do you mean you’re in love with me you can’t be in love with me! I broke your heart you shouldn’t even be here right now”.

“you broke me you’re right about that and I guess I’m still learning how to cope. but you were the first person I’ve ever loved and I cannot stop loving you no matter how hard I try”.

at the sound of his words unwanted tears immediately raced down your cheeks.

“well do me a favor and stop. everything we had is done and it’s in the past now”. you try your best to walk away but something he said stopped you right in your tracks.

“give me one reason on why I wasn’t good enough for you. give me one reason on why that couldn’t have been me out there and why this couldn’t have been our wedding”.

“I don’t have to answer to you anymore taehyun. we are no longer together”.

taehyun sniffles. you were right. he didn’t have access to you anymore.

“so? this is goodbye?”.

you wiped the stray tear from your cheek. “you’re welcome to just leave now. I don’t want to ever see your face again”.

#kang taehyun #taehyun #tomorrow by together #txt imagines #angst #heavy angst

30 notes · View notes

vampiresuns · 3 years

Text

Tell Me About The Flight Of The Birds

943 words. A conversation, and the kiss that follows it.

Tamryn belongs to @valhallanrose, who also did the sun bastard’s ship banner.

The breeze was warm. Cooler than the heat of Vesuvian summers as it played with leaves and the grass, but not nearly close to refreshing. Anatole laid back in the sun, under a blanket regardless. His nose gathered pearls of sweat as his hair shone underneath the Sun. The sun water which his hair lightening concoction was infused with seemed to remember where it had come from, making light seem to dance iridescently on Anatole’s light golden hair.

Tamryn sat in the shadow, enjoying the breeze on his face, idly petting Antu who was sitting on his lap.

“Do you think birds envy us, Tam?”

“Why do you ask?”

“I don’t know. I’m just wondering. People in poetry are always comparing themselves to birds, or wishing they were birds.”

“Maybe they’re just furries?”

“Tamryn.”

“Why the question? I thought you didn’t like birds.”

Anatole sat up, blinking repeatedly, trying to make himself less dazzled by the sunlight. “I do not have to like birds to philosophy about them, do I? In fact, I’d like to propose we philosophise about what we don’t like a fair lot, more often than not… and I don’t dislike birds. Corvids are alright. I’m just nervous about the bigger ones.”

“Isn’t there a saying about ravens taking out your eyes?”

“Anti-corvidae propaganda, I’m sure.”

“You’re odd,” Tamryn said, a smile on his face.

“I’m well aware. You haven’t answered my question, though.”

“I don’t know. I mean, sometimes I’d like to know what it’s like to see the world from where they are. Perhaps people envy their capacity to just fly away, they do have a whole— hm— they’re used as a metaphor for freedom and longing for it, is what I want to say.”

“They have a coat of freedom? Halo of freedom? In the human imagination.”

“You’re better with words than I am.”

“I disagree. And words and knowing aren’t the same thing.”

“Well, I can’t know if you don’t tell me what you mean by envy.”

“Fair enough.” As he spoke, Anatole brushed his fingers against the grass. “I suppose I mean that birds cannot change. Freedom without change is an illusion. A bird cannot help but to be a bird. A person can be whatever they wish. If we cannot fly, we can migrate. We move, we change.”

“Who tells you birds can’t change? Don’t you always say you can’t help being anything but yourself?”

“Can a bird help flying? When birds can’t fly we lament it in our poetry,” Anatole paused, throwing his head from one side to the other as he thought. “I do say that, but ‘myself’ is not a definitive concept. It’s ever changing.”

“We also lament when we can’t move… I don’t know, perhaps they don’t envy us because they can’t know what envy means, but then again, I don’t know— all I wonder is why would they choose to come down to earth when they get to see the world like they do.”

Anatole hummed, eyes unfocused. “If you saw humanity from their perspective, wouldn’t curiosity overtake you too?”

Tamryn rustled, making Antu grumble and get off his lap to lay down on his own in the shadows, giving him an offended look that made Anatole laugh. He laid down again, thinking Tamryn was not going to answer his question, letting silence take its place between them.

He was wrong. “Curiosity and envy aren’t the same...and if that’s how you’re going to put it, I understand birds, a little, maybe.”

“How so?”

Tamryn blushed a furious shade of pink, awkwardly fidgeting with his hands. “I could’ve kept my distance from you, couldn’t I? You said it, if you saw humanity from their perspective, wouldn’t curiosity overtake you too?”

He cleared his throat, making a swift change of topic. “It’s like ‘To be or not to be’, it’s a paradoxical question. If you aren’t something, it means you must be something else, or you become something by omission.”

“Tamryn, turn to me.”

Anatole had moved closer, kneeling down next to him now. Tamryn did as Anatole asked.

“Tell me if this is not okay.”

After Tamryn gave him a nod, Anatole cupped his cheek with his hands, slowly moving it backwards to brush his fingers through his blond hair.

“Can I kiss you?”

Tamryn’s yes, was as strained as it was sure, as if he had forgotten to breathe all together, making Anatole frown as he warned him that if he didn’t breathe, then perhaps it was better to not kiss. He was in the middle of telling him that if he didn’t relax, it wasn’t very auspicious when Tamryn closed the distance between them and pressed his lips against his.

It was soft, short, their lips moving against each other with pause. Tentative for a moment, before they paused, and Anatole found Tamryn closing the distance between them again to kiss him properly.

It was one of those kisses which was only that, a kiss, and in its unpretentiousness it was perfect. It was the kind of kiss which would follow Anatole long after Tamryn was gone.

The parted with hitched breaths, unmoving, as if the other would disappear if they did.

“Do you still think the birds don’t envy us?” Anatole said as he pressed a lingering kiss to the corner of Tamryn’s mouth.

“Maybe me. What about you?”

“Maybe I understand them a little better now.”

How could he not? When his heart beat like the flapping wings of a frantic bird, and he felt light as the breeze, as if the current of the winds would lift him through the sky and take him places he’s never been before? Maybe a good kiss was it’s own form of flying.

"Can I use your leg as a headrest?”

“But I won’t be able to see how bright your hair looks under the sun.”

Despite his complaint, Tamryn indulged Nana, who laced their fingers together and pressed a kiss to the back of Tamryn’s hand.

“You’ll live.”

#the arcana #the arcana oc #my writing #tamryn #aelius anatole #sun bastards #oc x oc

15 notes · View notes

kuroopaisen · 3 years

Note

not to throw my two cents /now/ but for shows like aot (I personally stopped after s2 and i havent rly considered picking it up again yet), there definitely are problematic elements and depictions that should be called out when necessary—and we need to especially listen to those whose identities were unfairly treated. anime and manga aren’t innocent of problems, as are the artists behind it :,)

I won’t lie, japan still continues to be sketchy w how they teach and treat their history, but ig we as watchers/readers these media can remain critical of what we consume ? the act of watching smth w fascist elements doesn’t mean you condone it ! and choosing not to watch or support (i find these to be different things) bc of those problematic elements is also valid.

oH and I personally don’t rly like aot either from what I’ve been seeing LMAO as a person who dedicated 2 years of high school to extensive studying of history it’s just :\\\\\\ I think all the points have been made by ppl before me, and by you!!

hello miss yuki!! first of all, i think the idea that people can’t consume Problematic Media is. is stupid because. humans are capable of critical thinking DJLSDALKJ that’s like... our thing. and just because something’s ‘problematic’ doesn’t mean there’s nothing valuable to draw from it? and by that, i mean... sometimes i specifically seek out things i know i’ll disagree with so i can actually talk about it properly, instead of relying on heresay.

i guess it’s like the jk r*wling thing. do i think people who enjoy harry potter are militant transphobes? no! do i think it’s a bit shifty to spend money on harry potter merch that isn’t secondhand and is therefore putting coins in miss transphobes pockets? yes! there’s difference between consuming and supporting for sure.

people have complicated relationships with media and internet discourse tends to make things too black-and-white. where do we draw the line? does resonating with shinji’s story in neon genesis evangelion mean you now support sexualising underage girls? does enjoying harry potter mean you condone fatphobia? does enjoying my hero academia mean you hate the lower classes?

but at the same time, if someone wants to steer clear of something because of those kinds of things, they absolutely have a right to and neither them nor their intelligence should be insulted for that. a lot of people like to throw around “oh you just don’t understand” as an insult and honestly, Shut Up. leave people be.

ANYWAY aot

yeah a lot of my problems with aot come down to isayama using a metaphor that isn’t even his to draw on. even if the pernicious aspects are unintentional, they’re still harmful. and also, it’s pretty obvious that isayama’s done his research? with how well the story emulates certain facts in history (and even referencing the madagascar plan hh), there’s no way isayama doesn’t know what he’s talking about. and you can’t really brush up on your knowledge of wwii without the whole antisemitism thing, so...

but i think an issue i have with a lot of the criticism towards aot is that it comes from a very Western perspective; and i get that to a degree, but it’s also important to think about where the author comes from and who he’s writing for. that doesn’t exonerate any of the problematic aspects to any degree, but context is. well, sometimes it’s everything

for example, i don’t think the question is so much “is isayama a nazi” as it is “is isayama trying to justify japanese expansionism” because while both are awful, one question is more relevant to what he’s likely to believe (even in the infamous twitter screenshots, he pretty staunchly seems anti-holocaust). i think ethnocentric criticisms muddy the water.

i’m a dual major in anthropology and history, and while that absolutely doesn’t give me authority, it means i tend to focus more on this sort of thing? there’s no way isayama could’ve known that attack on titan would become so... global? and an issue with episodic things of any nature is that it’s almost impossible to analyse them in their whole until it’s finished. aaaand in most cases, that takes years.

so regardless of what isayama intended, that means there are still right-wing groups that love aot and see it as a metaphor for the great replacement, or there’s people who see it as a justification to abandon pacifism, and so on. but there are also people who see it as a staunchly anti-war story, or a narrative about the cycle of hatred.

YEAH w the watching vs. supporting, i’ve actually been streaming aot on gogoanime because i didn’t know what i’d think of it when i started, even though i have an animelab and crunchyroll subscription. the question is, am i giving it social capital by discussing it online? some would say yes (i’ve got a platform, and just talking about it in general gives it affluence), some would say no (even if i have a platform, it’s small in the grand scheme of things, and how many people are actually reading my mini essays?)

ANYWAY this is largely incoherent i’m so sorry sdalkjfslfkdj look after yourself!!

#I'M SO SORRY THIS GOT LONG #yuki 🌸#rowan watches attack on titan #awanggan #rowan replies

13 notes · View notes

grelleswife · 3 years

Note

2,4,5,6,7,9,12,14,18,22,28,29,30 for Fembastian and Mey Rin together if you can? >w< 😍💖

Of course I can! >w<

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

They both have insecurities, though in different areas. Beneath her arrogant self-assurance, Fembastian secretly fears that her demonic nature is grotesque and unlovable, and that Mey Rin would be repulsed by her "real" self that the glamour conceals. But the maid actively encourages Fembastian to revert to her true form when they're in private. Mey will stroke her wings, or take her clawed hand and kiss it, or marvel at her lustrous red eyes, and tells Fembastian that she thinks she's just as beautiful this way, yes she does! Mey Rin's insecurities stem from her lack of experience with sex and romance prior to their courtship; she frets about "doing things wrong," or disappointing her lover without realizing it. Therefore, Fembastian learns to provide Mey Rin with ample reassurance that she loves her, and is patient and gentle with the maid, both in bed and as they figure out their relationship as a whole. The little demon also teaches Mey Rin about "lady things," such as styling her hair, shopping for dresses, etc. to boost her confidence. 4. Who can't keep their hands to themselves?

Fembastian! The demonness isn't shy about going after what she wants--and she wants Mey Rin. As soon as she developed feelings for the maid, she began to construct intricate rituals: Sidling up to Mey and putting a hand on the small of her back while "supervising" her, or adjusting Mey Rin's cap and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear because "it simply wouldn't do for a Phantomhive maid to have a disheveled appearance." However, once Mey Rin gets a little bolder, she's just as handsy. >:3 On more than one occasion, she's grabbed Fembastian by the waist and dipped her to give the flustered demon a kiss...or pinched Fembastian's backside when she passed her in the corridors. ;) 5. Who says 'I love you' first?

Mey Rin! Fembassy takes a little longer to realize that she's head over heels for the maid. 6. Who would they ask if they ever had a threesome?

Maybe I'm biased due to my love for Sebagrellerin, but I think Grelle is the most likely candidate. The goddess of DEATH would have no trouble keeping up with a demon and a legendary sniper, and Mey and Sebas would both swoon over the gorgeous Miss Sutcliff. 7. What do they get up to on a night out?

I could see them potentially combining business and pleasure. For example, if O!Ciel orders them to take out a target at a lavish ball or some other social event, they'd team up to put the poor sod six feet under, then return to the party to dance and enjoy themselves. >:3 Or Fembastian might flex her demon powers (it's safer to dispel the glamour under cover of darkness), sprouting wings and taking flight with Mey Rin in her arms, soaring over the city so they can look at all the twinkling lights below. 9. What is the most embarrassing thing they have done in front of each other?

Since Mey Rin is an anxious bean, her most recent slip-up at work is generally her "most embarassin' moment ever." But the time she tripped and accidentally spilled a bucket of sudsy water she'd used for mopping all over Miss Sebastian would rank pretty high on the list! Fembastian's most embarrassing moment would be the time she made up a dorky little dance with Her (the black kitty), and was twirling in the garden with the cat, merrily singing a tune. Mey Rin happened to step out for a bit of fresh air, witnessed the spectacle, and giggled at how precious Fembastian was! Since the demonness tries to maintain an air of gravitas and authority around the other servants, she was absolutely mortified, though Mey Rin insisted she was the cutest thing, the cutest! 12. What first changes when it starts getting serious?

When Fembastian realizes that her feelings for Mey Rin run deeper than lust or fleeting interest, she panics a bit. H-how the hell could she have fallen in love, and with a mortal, no less?! This shouldn't be happening! In her confusion, she tries to distance herself from Mey and take time to process this...but of course, the maid doesn't understand the demon's inner turmoil. Hurt by Sebas's inexplicable coldness, Mey Rin tearfully confronts her, which leads Fembastian to break down (it's the first time she's ever cried in front of a human), confessing that she's scared because she thinks she's truly in love with Mey and doesn't know what to do. Once Mey Rin realizes what's going on, they're able to patch things up. From then on out, Fembastian starts (slowly) allowing herself to be more vulnerable with Mey, and learning to trust that the maid is committed to their relationship even if Sebas isn't the sparkling, perfect servant she pretends to be. 14. When one has a cold, what does the other do?

Although Fembastian doesn't contract mortal illnesses, Mey Rin occasionally comes down with a case of the sniffles. When that happens, the demon will whisk her off to bed, keep her warm in a nest of blankets and pillows, and set to work procuring medicine for her lover. In addition to fixing Mey Rin a bowl of her favorite soup, Fembastian will cuddle with her and purr softly to help her feel better. Even when she has to leave Mey on her own to do the young master's bidding, Fembastian will rush back as soon as she can to check on her lover and give her a few get-well kisses. 18. When they fight, how do they make up?

Mey Rin tends to get emotional and weepy after they've had a fight, and will clasp the little demon to her bosom while sobbing that she's ever so sorry, she is, and it won't ever happen again, no it won't!!! Fembastian will over offer a verbal apology--typically a florid one, considering how melodramatic she is--but she also tries to make it up to Mey Rin by doing nice things for her, such as giving her flowers, completing a few of Mey's chores herself so the maid has a lighter workload, making her a yummy Chinese dessert, or spending extra time snuggling with her human and combing her hair. 22. Where does their first kiss happen?

Mey Rin was cleaning out the fireplace one morning when she accidentally spilled ashes onto the carpet. Of course, it was just her luck that Miss Sebastian stopped by just then to check her progress! The demon began to scold Mey Rin...but as Fembastian gazed into her eyes, she trailed off and fell silent. That wasn't like the brusque, professional woman at all! Thoroughly confused, the maid asked what was wrong. Sebas abruptly grabbed the front of Mey's uniform (in this AU, she's very petite and a little shorter than the maid) and pulled her down for a kiss, much to Mey Rin's amazement. The pink-cheeked demon huffily stammered that Mey should clean up as quickly as possible, then rushed from the room. Mey was positively giddy (she'd had a crush on Fembastian for months), while Sebas couldn't seem to quiet the palpitations of her heart. She must have spent too long in this silly human form! 28. Why do they get jealous?

Fembastian and Mey Rin both get jealous when when other people (regardless of gender) make passes at their partner. Demons are naturally possessive creatures, which causes Fembassy to bare her fangs (sometimes literally, sometimes metaphorically) at anyone who flirts with Mey Rin. Although the maid knows that Fembastian's heart belongs only to her, it still makes her damn uncomfortable when someone else starts batting their lashes at the pretty demon--and is liable to give them a double-barrelled glare. >:( Fembastian can also get clingy if she feels that Mey Rin isn't spending enough time with her, though the maid learns to be firm about setting boundaries. The demon is an important part of Mey Rin's life, but she needs to respect Mey's relationships with other members of the household, too! 29. Why do they fall a little bit more in love?

Mey Rin is so sweet and adorable that Fembastian didn't stand a chance; she was hopelessly smitten long before she realized what hit her. In Mey Rin's case, she fell even harder for the demon once Sebas revealed her hidden fragility and insecurity. Not only did this draw out the maid's protective instincts, but it also helped her realize that Fembastian wasn't flawless or invincible, and removal of that barrier enabled them to grow closer. 30. Why does it work (or not work) between them?

Their relationship works because Fembastian learns to meet Mey Rin halfway, and Mey is fully accepting of Sebastian, even the unsightly or frightening parts of her. The resulting loyalty and trust provides a steady foundation on which their love can thrive.

#kuroshitsuji #sebamey #fembastian #sebastian michaelis #mey rin #femslash february #shipping asks

11 notes · View notes