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#also she hits like a fucking man-
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#me: sits up talking with this girl until 6am a couple times a week for weeks and on one notable occasion chats to her for 11 straight hours#me: calls this girl adorable to her face (over video chat bc pandemic) and after calling her cats cute says don't worry you're just as cute#me: when this girl jokes that she's jealous of my dnd romance plot and says she should make a character to hit on my character#I say: that's cute as fuck dude you gotta do it#this girl: has a crisis because I called her dude and she thinks that means I'm giving her a hint that I'm not into her#me: is a dick and responds to that revelation with that's cute as fuck dude#the global pandemic: is happening and is preventing us from hanging out in person and is literally so homophobic for that#I'm so gone on this girl dude 😭#can't stop cracking up about this crazy cool confident af girl having a crisis cos I called her dude in the middle of telling her she's cut#also apparently I said something like oh I can't believe we weren't friends sooner and she had a pure crisis#but I literally met her in the pouring rain and freezing cold to go for a walk that was just us sheltering under a canopy for hours chattin#and she's like aw maybe she's like that with all her pals 😂😂#CUTE AS F*CK MAN#WTF#had to get this out somewhere bc I'm internally screaming I can't fkn cope#god also she changed my name on whatsapp to ma dude which is so dumb and also so cute I'm dying
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lol I did smth to my wrist F

#not my drawing hand luckily but I slept weird on my left lol#is hand dominance genetic? bc I wish I got my moms genes with that#she’s ambidextrous how cool would that be#yeah idk it feels like my body did a hard reset overnight and idk why but it’s cool#wait it’s January isn’t it. shit my birthdays soonish#WAH PASSAGE OF TIME#I’m gonna be 19....... bro#aw man I won’t be able to parade around in public with my obnoxious birthday boy sash KDKFKGLG#a friend got it for me for like my 15th birthday I wanna say? bc I wasn’t super out back then and he wanted to be affirming and I kept it#maybe it was my 16th? I don’t fucking remember lol#but yeah last year I went back from the hospital around January and just quietly reintegrated but also did some weird gay shit now and then#like the scaling the wall in my gym class and then vanishing story lol#but yeah I got all dressed up and had a birthday boy sash and a crown#OH and that was when that girl hit on me but I was so oblivious I didn’t realize#have I told that story? it’s so funny#I feel bad I didn’t remember her name because she was so sweet she sat in front of me in economics#and like I came in on my bday and she was like oh my gosh is your birthday today??? and I was like yeah! and she asks what kinda cake I like#the next day she comes in with a whole ass handmade cake and her number... god I didn’t get to tell her I’m gay bc school shut down#but omg I thanked her so hard because??? how nice is that??? we don’t deserve girls bro#that really super boosted my self esteem tho like I was sure everyone thought I was the deranged mental patient kid#but no I was just some regular cute dude in her class :) that makes me happy#connor talks#wow I got off topic lollll well that’s what this blogs for
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jskshksgaksbms sjnsksmlsksk

#im readin the texts btwn me n my best friend (instead of writing smth w a deadline or fuckin sleeping bc i have to be up in 6 hours 😂😬💀)#and like. man. i miss her sm bro.#we had a bunch of plans to hang out when uni wasn't kicking her ass as hard and then the fucking pandemic hit#im so glad we still talk regularly but i def feel our recent texts have been all about ME ME ME#like yikes scoob can i talk about smth tht isnt myself for once#hhhhh but like. when we talked last summer abt like. planning a party together n setting stuff up n getting stuff done. so much nostalgia.#(anna if ur reading this. want u 2 know u're an amazing event planner even if u hate doing it. would not ask for a better partner in crime)#anyways just. overwhelming feeling of love in this chili's tonight.#unrelated but i found a text where i said i had an embarrassing story to tell when i saw her in person#that i refused to spill over text bc i didn't want any physical evidence of it n i was like??? bro what??#but i looked through the time stamps and found out it was just me seeing my crush in public and being super gay#udjdhdbfjdfhcj there's like textual evidence of it now somewhere bc i remember telling it to a girl i got a crush on in april#when we were like. swapping stories about being Gay Disasters and our respective Gay Awakenings JSJJSKSHSKGSK#i should hit up tht girl now. i still have a major crush on her but she's also a rlly cool friend#and we haven't talked in a while bc of my recent Bad Brain so like all my social energy goes towards talking to two (2) irls#i was actually looking thru the texts bc i remember saying smth abt an irl i haven't talked to in a while#like this sappy message to my best friend saying 'i hope th 3 of us r friends until we're old n wrinkly n in a retirement home together'#anyways this post is a long winded mess and i have like 3k worth of fic to edit now good bye#they speak!
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i am not thinking about implications

#lulu.txt#999 lb#im. im so close of just replaying that ending again but then i remember the part after u get out of door 6 took me#like. HOURS for some reason i think my brain was o(-< all the time..........but also........i am thinking#wait when i say replaying i mean just continue the save i saved (help) via the emulator bc i thought it would be important#god im still so fucking angry at ace. fuck you. really there is something deeply wrong with him#he was responsible for the last nonary game i. man. you are horrible i am going to beat you to death#HE ALREADY KNEW. ABOUT THIS SHIP HE ALREADY KNEW THE PLACE he knows where everything is so.......😐 man.#he already knew that the doors 7 and 8 would lead back to the big hospital room so he was like#''omg...guys u can leave me behind its okay i trust u...i know u will come back here later once u get out of here ☺️'' NO!!!!!!!#he fills me with rage i hope he gets hit by a car. since they cant lock him in the incinerator again bc. the last 9 door is there but#wait a moment hold on.....hold on.............that door is probably the true last door so#the rules will still apply to it. only 3-5 people can go through it.....MAN I HOPE NOT NOOOOO IM SO WORRIED RIGHT NOW#looking away i am........i really am......also wait i will talk about other stuff once i replay the scene so many thoughts are rotating in#my head i GRRRRR GRRRRR I HATE ACE SO MUCH this game said#''we will kill the character u hate the most and make u hate him even more BUT your two favorite characters will also die. fuck you ☺️''#anyways. anyways.......rly curious that the 0 bracelet actually has a 6 number huh......uh huh um yup.................😐#also. santa my friend where were you....june was like. just there. she disappeared.........but santa was nowhere to be seen#o(-<................the message from zero at the end made me so o(-< MAN. like. zero's plan didnt work they didnt want to kill any innocent#people only the ones that were behind the fucked up experiment so. once clover died and snake too.........#people that werent supposed to die ended up dying. man..............okay anyways at least now with what happened from this ending i know th#''wrong answer. actually...i am santa'' quote wasnt related to zero IM SO GLAD. i did not believe santa was zero i was like. man. its not#him that quote is probably to make the player confused so after that u would think hes more suspicious given what happened on the ending#like HELLO but......i dont think its him its someone else *looks around* i know....i know these people have a plan but i am scared 😔 i just#want them to be okay....... so many stuff already happened to them i hope the moment they step out of this ship they go to therapy.#plans for after the nonary game with ur new besties 😊💔 did they even go to therapy after the first nonary game or o(-<#santa probably didnt go to therapy. he has trust issues i am so sorry santa.....mr eboy 😔#anyways. fuck ace everyone hates ace i want this old man to DIE. DIE GRANDPA WE HATE YOU godddd he. he described how he killed clover i#fuck you!
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relistening to the season one finale of tma is really just ‘it’s sad about sasha hours!” “it’s sad about tim hours!” and, frankly, i hate that for me 

#the season finale is also sad about jon and martin hours but tim and sasha's parts are really killing me this time around#like tim is trying so hard to be optimistic and light-hearted#he keeps making quiet little jokes where you know his heart isn't in it but he's just doing his best to make the best of the situation#and fuck- MAG 39 with Sasha's final bit#it's so much worse this time around because I'm fully aware that these are her last moments#and she sounds so scared but she keeps moving and talking because if this helps at all she'll be happy#man idk the sasha part just really hit home for me this time- i think i probably relate to her a little too much but#tma#tma spoilers
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