#also someone else but idk who yet

[moeblob]

Demyx (my beloved)

#kingdom hearts #demyx #honestly is there an organization member i dont like? not really tbh #ok i lied maybe one but even then i find him fascinating so even he gets a pass #demyx being such a good boy who doesnt actually care for fighting then having the whole kh3 thing #where he has the yellow eyes but still just helps the good team vaguely then dips out of the entire game #where did he go and why .... what secrets do you hold young man #i should replay kh3 cause there are things i think i remember but idk for sure #like wasnt there actually a scene where hes just... been benched for being bad at being bad or smth #i really remember a scene where either he says or someone else is like oh yeah he got benched lol #like why does he have to be so funny yet get so little screen time im dying squirtle #though for the record him just handing a mannequin to even and saying peace out for the rest of the game WAS hilarious #this is me living the best time line where not only does demyx just dip and never get mentioned from anyone #but also in an otome i played theres a route where my fave guy just also dips early on #and then in the very end some other LI asks another LI what happened to him btw like where did he go #and the another LI was like oh my god i forgot about him idk man #my favorites just making an appearance and leaving is really funny to me #these tags got super long bc im very stressed and now devoting brain power to vgs in order to not cry

[mueritos]

I find it funny you post things about the wrong people becoming therapists yet you want to be a social worker and actively defend rapists and abusers 💀

CW: mentions of SA/cycles of abuse.

you must think you're really clever. the therapy industry has a huge amount of problems (like any other industry built on service to other humans, like the medical industry), and i think even the people who want to work within the therapy field (whether as a psychiatrist, a counselor, a therapist, a social worker, a sex therapist, etc) can still critique the many issues within it, mainly the racism, eurocentrinism, and the individualistic values that much of talk therapy promotes. I don't know where you got the second part of your statement, because not only is it widely inaccurate of what I was thinking of doing in social work, it also is just not a great idea to hold about people who work with people who do harm.

there are therapists/social workers who work exclusively with cops/law enforcement, and ethically those people CANNOT work with people who are victims of law enforcement or people who "break the law" (incarcerated folks). It just doesn't work, because if you work with both, it can create a conflict of interest. this is the same with people who work with victims of assault (SA or not). these therapists/etc who work with victims of assault/abuse CANNOT work with abusers. The same is vice versa, as in people who work with those who do serious harm cannot work with their victims.

I think your self righteousness is misplaced. You clearly have a lot of work to do in regards to removing your own feelings and judgement from the work that many therapists and social workers do. I don't know if you know this, but everyone (yes, even people who do serious harm) are deserving of basic human necessities, like oh i don't know. Housing, healthcare, or therapy. It is not my job as a future social worker to judge people, that is wickedly different from holding someone accountable. Judging is like sending someone to prison for 25 years, further removing them from the communities and resources that could generate accountability. Further, no one can hold anyone accountable unless said person consents to being held accountable. There are different procedures for whether they do or not. My job, as a future social worker, is to help people, because I believe all people deserve to ask for help and receive the help that they need.

Not sure if you know, but I'm against incarceration/punishment. I believe we hold punishment as the way to "teach people a lesson", but if you do not work with people and actively step in and disrupt cycles of trauma (housing crisis, hunger, substance abuse, interpersonal abuse, racism, ableism, etc), you will only find that people re-offend unless they are given the resources they need to be better. Yes, there are people who genuinely want to do harm, but harm does not exist in a vacuum, and if you are unwilling to acknowledge that, then I genuinely wish compassion to anyone who slips up around you and shows you that anyone is capable of any level of harm.

People who do serious harm are victims of the same cycle abuse as everyone else. You white knuckling your self righteous black and white morality is the reason why you cannot understand that even the worst kinds of people deserve the same access to care as victims of harm. You think that people who work with individuals who do harm as them defending them, when the reality is many of us with the brains built to do this kind of work want to stop this harm and correct abusive behavior. Unfortunately for you, people are capable of change. No one is asking you to like anyone or their actions (because I don't have to like the people I work with either, freak), but what people like me are asking you is to accept the fact that all people do harm, and when people are given the community and resources to, they can change for the better and recognize the serious harm they have caused.

Not everyone who goes into this work wants to aim their energy into the "socially acceptable" work. I think social justice morality and the sanitization of revolutionary politics has rotted our brains into believing that we must do and be the most "woke" person ever, channeling our energy into victims of harm. But what we fail to recognize through that is that some people would rather divest their energy into de-radicalization of fascists, or others want to put their energy into theory, others want to learn how to connect with the land and be sustainable, and others want to learn how to help others. And just like them, there are people who are willing enough to use their skills and compassion for conflict/resolution, accountability practices, and to help those who have harmed. Because, unfortunate for you, activists should NOT be juggling being the theorist, farmer, therapist, spiritualist, leader, mediator, protestor, rioter, etc and etc. Some people are simply built to put their energy into what they are good at. This doesn't mean that the farmer does not encourage the theorist to continue thinking and writing their theory. And I am sure the theorist, one who cannot farm and till, is grateful for the skills the farmer brings once dinner comes around.

it's funny really because I still am not sure about what I want my focus to be in social work, and for you to assume that I am "defending" abusers/rapists by thinking about working in extremely hostile, tense, and exhausting environments in the attempt to disrupt cycles of violence is me "defending" these individuals...it just reveals more about you than myself, anon. Many people already work with abusers/rapists (many of those therapists being victims of abuse/SA as well), so you may as well call the ones who are actually doing the work rn "defenders" of abuse. see how that bodes for you.

that's all I have to say.

#muertoresponds #hope that helped for anyone else to understand #for further context im an anarchist who is also an existentialist #and those two codes of living have greatly affected the way i think and interact with the world #if anyone else has any questions feel free to ask them #someone somewhere has to do the dirty work #you dont have to like it or like the people who do it #but there are spaces and communities where these people are needed and necessary to disrupt cycles of abuse #words r important as well so take my usage of the word harm as a general term for all systems and cycles of harm #but harm may not be abuse #as in that it is cyclical and intentional and pre-meditated cycles of abuse #like man i havent even started doing social work training or education yet and youre already on my ass #anyway if anyones interested my MSW intership is with immigrant children and families so no i am currently not working in restorative justi #but who knows i could be one day idk #anyway #thats all

[ectonurites]

ok genuine question. is it gauche to text my friend who works full-time at the place im applying to (where i have worked before for many years, it's just a seasonal position so i have to re-apply) and tell him that there's a typo (they forgot to update the year from 2023 -> 2024) on the application page

#specifying that i do need to like update my resume and add a few things to my website before i actually apply i was just looking at #the page now to see if it was up yet (which it is. obviously) #it just feels KINDA awkward to be like 'lol hey nicky jsyk—' but idk he might appreciate it. but also he might not even be able to #change it bc it might be someone else who has the correct passwords n stuff to change it???? liiiike IDKK #grandpa max is god? i go to church now #the 1 vote rn for some other 4th thing was me just so i can. see results lol

[oceanwithouthermoon]

i think its weird that i have to make this disclaimer but the internet is crazy so wtvr,, anyway,,

if i say i dont like something, that doesnt mean "that thing is bad and nobody should post it.."

i swear literally every time i even mention that i dislike something, people will go "wow does that mean u fucking hate me cuz i post that thing? ur a fucking stupid bitch and all ur opinions r wrong" LIKE ?? er.. no. just because i say i dont like certain characterizations of certain characters (the saiki k fandom is CRAZY about this cuz i can state an opinion on literally any character and a group of people will still go 'well only we're allowed to post our opinions about them because we're always right!1!1!'), or certain ship tropes (mentioned my hatred of toxic yaoi maybe once or twice on here months ago and people STILL get mad at me as if i said toxic yaoi lovers r evil or something), or certain ships, or WHATEVER, does not mean that i HATE the people who are posting them or that i think they shouldnt post them at all, NO, im just posting about my personal tastes on my personal blog and it would be extremely weird and hypocritical if i decided that i was the ONLY person that was allowed to do that,,

i think the only reason people assume that is because there are a lot of other people on here who ARE like that, and a lot of people toe the line between posting that they dont like something and posting that they think everyone who likes that thing is stupid, annoying, and wrong,, so i guess all i can say is, sorry for whatever made you make these assumptions but they arent true about me so plz leave me alone ʘ‿ʘ ur doing the same thing to me that ur accusing me of but i didnt do it in the first place so ur just actively being a dick for no reason

#crazy that the mindset some people on here have is that theyre the only ones allowed to post their opinions #ive repeated this a lot on this blog but i rlly think people forget that the person on the other side of the screen is in fact a person #if ur harassing people and publicly making fun of them then ur just as bad as any real life bully #that shit isnt as funny or harmless as u like to pretend it is #not once have i ever targetted anyone or went on someones blog to harass them over my opinion #yet people think its fine to do the same to me and treat it as if its like. revenge or something #like ? me saying 'i dont like toxic yaoi' is not equivalent to someone going on someone elses page and going 'how tf do u like toxic yaoi' #I DONT CARE !! all ive ever done is sit in my own little bubble and had opinions and that makes people mad #honestly though the people who will publicly talk and post abt it are significantly meaner #and i want to act like im not bothered by it because i know most of them r just angry that someone has a different opinion #and they want all their followers to bandwagon off of them (idk why maybe for validation or whatever-same reasons anyone would bully) #but seriously if u actually do think that something i said was out of line and crossed thise boundaries- just fucking tell me ? #im a person bro. ur solution to disagreeing with me shouldnt be 'lol im gonna post abt this and make everyone harass them' #have a conversation with me dude i dont bite ? if u cant talk to me like a person then just dont fucking say anything wtf #its so cowardly to be like 'well no i didnt wanna say anything to u cuz i didnt wanna be rude.. so instead i publicly made fun of u!' #LIKE WHATTTT STOPPPPP </3333 #ok anyway this post wasnt supposed to get THAT serious. #MY POINT IS just be considerate of other people and dont base ur hatred off of assumptions #ur deflecting the blame onto someone else because u dont want to admit that ur just a fucking bully lol #being inconsiderate on here is something ive also been guilty of back when i first joined the fandom and was clueless #but grown ass adults who have been on here way longer r still doing that shit which is crazy #and i cant say anything because they have so much leverage over me and idk if its on purpose or if they dont even realize #ok im putting fandom tags cuz i want people to see this sorry. this is my one post thats actually targetted but its at a lot of people #so if u look at this and think 'hey i do that' pls evaluate urself<3 #i mean its also targetted at everyone who does this anonomously so i dont know who it is OKOK IM DONE BYE SORRY HOPE THIS IS UNDERSTANDABLE #watch nobody read this fr #saiki k #tdlosk #the disastrous life of saiki k. #meows post

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️ #@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ... #there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams// #recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 .... #and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)' #and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway. #tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀 #one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny. #and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

[skarmoree]

The way these two have little stars in their eyes is SO CUTE

#fire emblem engage #fe engage #Solm royalty… #wonder if they’re related or not #she’s got Ike’s ring huh #if they’re split evenly each kingdom would have three #and we don’t rly know anyone else from solm #so I guess he’d have one too? idk who tho but I’m interested #bc you’d think ike would be a weird match for our girl here #but I LOVED they way they moved together in the trailer #but alfred also had luci in the same scene when we’ve mostly been shown him paired with sigurd #so I wonder if she starts with ike or someone else does #either way we haven’t seen corrin or byleth at all yet #little curious as to where they are hrm #firemblem ❤

[silenthillbunni]

i think the reason i always feel so lonely is bc rlly all i want is a romantic relationship that is kinda co-dependent but we love eo nd it works for us. idc that it's generally considered toxic. that's what i need nd want. like i do want to experience nd go thru life w someone always by my side. i need someone close to me all the time to seek quiet, verbal nd physical comfort nd reassurance from. i need to share the burden nd horrors of life w someone else. have their warmth nd closeness be an anchor for me.

#nd it wouldnt get 'too much' bc im actually not like that #i can be content w the same thing for sooooo long. thats comforting to me #nd like to have this we wouldnt need to be attached to the hips or anything. we could be in different rooms or go for a walk alone or whatev #but rlly i want someone to spend most my time w. i want someone where the love makes us want to be close even if we're silent #nd not doing anything. being alone yet together #there r prob lots of psychological reasons for this but honestly i dooont caaare #i want a comfortable life im sick of being scared. nd i dont want to be 'brave' or push myself to live how others want #idk.... i also think this would be realistically possible for me bc im not a person who fights lol #like i just dont. if im in a bad mood i say im in a badd mood i need to be quiet nd thats that. i can coexist without causing friction #but yeahhh it's (part of) why i constantly feel alone. this is what i need to feel truly satisfied nd nothing else can soothe it #📓💭

[majoringinsarcasm]

People hating on a literal child because she doesn’t physically look like a character in a book who we only ever saw in concept art and fanart vs me who was kinda sad when I realized book Percy wasn’t black because the description of a young boy living in New York who’s close with his single mother parent who is constantly seen as stupid troublemaker by both peers and teachers and his moms awful boyfriend and who’s only friend is the only other Outcast (non white) classmate who’s only ally is the literature teacher who then he finds also has doubts about him felt very if not fully black then at least mixed coded.

But then I moved on and enjoyed the story for what it gave me, can some of these people say the same 🤔

#I have not yet watched the show I’ll probably wait for more episodes bc I canceled D+ like two months ago #but idk many of yall are not 12 anymore and saying Leah won’t do a good job or it won’t be as good #we only saw any of these characters in our minds eye #or concept art #im not saying you can’t be disappointed when things aren’t 100% a match bc you want to see a good adaptation of the Book #and I need to do a reread but I would think Annabeth’s whole other shit aka running away cross country at 7 always being nosy and wanting #a quest being ready for battle but learning to have fun too #is more integral to her character ESPECIALLY IN MARK OF ATHENA #the blond hair in the books is a trait from Athena so it’s not a unique hurdle other girls in the cabin wouldn’t also face #it mattered bc she was a main character #But taking the core struggle of not being taken seriously works pretty damn well for any girl but especially black girls AT ALL TIMES #and not to be funny but saying the other characters are already diverse feels like a side step #like look Hazel in her eyes and say not being taken seriously BECAUSE of your HAIR COLOR is on the same level #as not being taken seriously because you’re a black girl #and if this breaches containment #yes the show would have been fine even if a picture perfect accurate cast had been hired #but if we want to move past people being cast bc of how they look vs how they act #you can’t hold the gospel of a book series against literal children who are probably having the time of their life #or would be if grown ass adults were attacking them bc SOMEONE ELSE HITED THEM #if the show is bad it’s not bc Annabeth is black or Percy is blonde #hell in good omens both leads are older in the book they’re described as looking 25 and 30 #can you imagine good omens as it is now with book accurate casting bc I can’t

[luvsavos]

random vent(?) in the tags, feel free to ignore i just have a lot of pent up emotions to get out today apparently

#mar.txt #it's weird being aro(?) and yet also longing for a relationship. maybe its just bc almost all of my friends are in one #maybe it's bc of how easily jealous i get #maybe its the fact that i'm constantly being reminded that i am nobody's most important person. there's always someone more important. #maybe it's just the all-consuming，gaping hole of loneliness within me #idk. #i don't even know if i AM actually aro or if i'm just so demi that i may as well be aro or if ive just had so many bad experiences that it #feels impossible for me to feel romantic attraction #a few of my ocs (shara and the alatreon) are how i think i'd describe myself; aro，but willing to be in a relationship provided the other #person isn't bothered by them being aro，bc they have their own equivalent to romantic feelings #i know i'll never have one though. for all my confidence and whatnot i still very much am insecure about my own loveability. because the #only thing life has shown me is that i very much am not loveable. all the way back in first grade ppl were already using me instead of #actually caring #'dating' me to make someone else jealous. so they could have a drug buddie. a fuck buddie. so they could try to manipulate me into things #because i was a young teenager desperate for validation and to feel like i mattered and belonged and they were nearly adults who knew they #could exploit that. i'm surprised i never had anything happen to me beyond being pressured into trying chew tobacco (awful and disgusting) #and doing it every time i was around my 'boyfriend' and his friends #the only two genuine relationships i had didn't last either; one lost feelings after three years and the other just sorta stopped talking to #me and iirc eventually picked up a boyfriend that was actually local instead of long distance #i am not worthy of love. i will never be loved in the way that my friends are. hell i won't ever even find a qpp(?). and that makes me sad. #to know i will always be alone. that i'm destined to die alone. but it is what it is i guess. i just wish it didn't bother me so much. #i wish i could be content in my loneliness and not be jealous of everyone around me. i wish i could accept that i will never be anybody's #most important person. that the only person i can or will ever be the most important to is myself. self love，yeah? ha. #maybe 2024 will have something in store for me. god i hope it does. but i doubt it will. more of my friends will get into relationships， #those already in them will stay in them and/or take a step forward in their relationship. and i will remain alone. just as i always have. #anyways. sorry vent over i'm just. ugh. upset today. emotions are stupid and i want a refund on them. i did not ask to be saddled with the #burden of feeling such intense，suffocating displacement and loneliness. i did not ask to feel these negative emotions so strongly. #i just want to be someone's most important person. i just want to matter.

[thedeadthree]

the unstoppable force (worms for brains compelling me to make clowns) vs the immovable object (brain fried egg cannot brainstorm ideas for squat) 🥀🥴✨🤡

#leg.txt #but like……. this also can be applied to my w*arhammer r*ogue trader girlies as well dkjxhx 🥀🥴 #finding fitting fcs and concepts leg brain cannot compute KXJXHXH #i think i was the c*od girlie i had for gravies to be set up with someone else idk who yet but i may have a thought or two as to who #buuut now i want to make a clown for him bc hehe i am silly goose but like WHOMM #i mean i have c*od!chiara and cod!minerva and yeva and viktor and isidora and c*od!karolina and a few other new kiddos so like….. #i have these clowns to develop so like im in no rush to develop the new bb rn but alsoo BRAIN WANT TO CREATEE yk?? 🌸💀 #leg brain slow your roll challenge (impossible) *WHEEZE* #i love character development 🥀🥴💀✨ !!!!!!!! (AFFECTIONATE OFC ITS BEEN FUN SO FAR DEVELOPING CLOWNS AGAINN 🌸💕) #ty ty to the balduring gates and the calling of duty clowns for bringing back ye olde creative brain 🥀🥹✨ #i didn’t delete this and rewrite it bc i was too lazy to rewrite tags xkjxhxhx 🥀💀🥴✨

[socksandbuttons]

Eventually ill remember to share my traditional doodles from my sketchbook again cause um

I just wfound the cutest lunar in there

#denying you all also biblically accurate lunars as well #what else is in heremany papyrus' #HAVE I SHARES POCKET YET??? I MUSTVE #anyway i do love pocket a shame i never speak of her #shes a sweety #i forgot whos kid she was actually #it was ink and someone else???? was it dream sans??? idk did i write it down #DOES BESTIE KNOW??? BESTIE DID I EVER MENTION WHO POCKETS PARENTS WERE???? #i know tama basically adopts her #anyway i like to talk about what i got in here #and yet i have asks i have not answered im very sorry i do tend to take time depend on the subject #ITS NOT U ITS ME #anyway back to my perusing my sketchbook #ah yes my swap sumo pokemon au i love my guzma and plumeria design #anyway i was gonna draw undertale space may ill be around maybe #the lil bat version of her but she looked too old lady so i have to fix that #(ITS JUST CAUSE I ADDED A SHAWL.... THE GOSH DARN SHAWLLL)

[papercutsmp3]

bro is inquisitive

#thinking of the possibilities of how it could be worse it's funny how you start to get addicted to thinking like a danmei writer #you are like anddd what if this person was (insert a guy who coughed once in chapter 15) anyways #i managed to not get many spoilers bc i hate it but i have always suspected that shi mei had a thing for cwn firstly bc i once saw a ship #tag and was like ?? well that is not uncommon as people ship shrek with chanyeol (im people) but secondly after that scene where mo ran #pinky interrogated him i was sooo 100% sure of it. but then there was nothing much so i let it go. the one mini spoiler i saw was #the enemy on pinterest who replied to a pic of a character saying it was shi mei/other name (didn't look at it) so it was why i knew #he was classically someone else. but even without that his ass was raising suspicion just for the way how blank he was #and i knew it was intentional so i kept thinking who he could be and my guess was xu shuanglin (rest in pieces poor guy) #bc i thought that both of them had the same spiritual essence or something. also the guy in the motel at the beginning who also had water #essense could only be either of them. but this is not the point bc then i was thinking that shi mei was simultaneously mo nian #bc why would he have the reason to be annoyed with mo ran to that extent. and also bc i knew there was a fire and hua binance has face burn #but mo ran chopped his head off bless his souls and good for him so how else can that be worse #he could also be that child of nangong yan who had his mother die bc of mo ran and mom he would also have a reason to try and compare #himself to mo ran in every way and hate him but why would he need to store nangong blood for mount jiao is he is nangong himself #but that would be great for disgusting points bc he would be mo ran's half brother doing all that ?? #im just taking a break from throwing up bc of his ass trying to assault cwn every chance he gets and idk anything yet #so it would be interesting to keep guessing his motives as i do not get it yet but also (procceed to throw up) #also his interactions with corpse taxian ?? god tier. taxian is in the middle of diss battle drops his mic after every sentence #the crowd (me) cheers. moving on but i really enjoy insane plot twists i wish i remembered well what i was thinking while reading tgcf #the widely known thing is that i didn't even consider that fu yao and nan feng were fengqing it's my favorite thing bc i wholeheartedly #believed the little guys just loved their generals way too much #00

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

is it annoying when people fundamentally misunderstand your character? yes. is it highly amusing when the particular way they misunderstand you gives you a free alibi when you do certain things you probably shouldn’t be doing because they're utterly convinced it is something you would never do and would avoid ever being involved with? also yes

#it's very annoying on the day-to-day but damn if it isn't hilarious when people are arguing in your defense for something you very #clearly did. like there is no chance it was someone else and yet #me very clearly lying and not even trying to hide it: no i would never do that hehe ;) #at least 2 people: yeah dux would never do that they'd rather die than do that it could never be them #the singular person who is convinced it was me but has also misunderstood me and thinks i did it bc i'm losing it again: hmm okay #it's just so fucking funny lmao look if i'm doing shit it's for one of two reasons: instant gratification or to confuse the ppl around me #only sometimes is it me being mentally ill but actually i think it's funny when ppl think i do things bc i'm sick in the head again #because that also gives me an alibi bc who is going to come up to me and be like hey i think ur losing it again #nobody that's who but i still know they're thinking it bc 1) they're obvious and 2) everyone is a snitch here yes we are talking shit abt #each other and i have one person who will tell me everything because? idk actually they always tell me when ppl are talking abt me tho #wait btw i think i should say i only mess w my family i'm not being a menace in public again i prommy

[autisticlee]

having some sort of chronic pain and tiredness issue and joint problems and whatnot but not knowing exactly what the problem is is really good at leading you feeling like you're faking it or making a big deal out of nothing or making it up. especially if there's a good day where it's not as bad and you can walk straight without limping for the first time in a year. but then you can wake up the next day and can barely walk and wonder why you can't just walk normal. it's hard to not guilt trip yourself into dealing with pain by trying to ignore it and force yourself to walk "normal" all the time

#chronic pain #chronic exhaustion #idk what else to tag #another day of why was lee walking normal and barely pain at work yesterday but then today so much pain and exhausted #wish i knew what was exactly the problem. was diagnosed with “generalized hypermobility” but doesnt do much #not a real diagnosis. basically just a thing to tell me “theres nothing wrong. exercise more” but how???? i keep trying but hurt myself #my job is physical labor and therefore exercise. it hurts. is exhausting. no energy to do more. walking is exhausting #have to focus so much energy on not popping hips out of place and twisting knees and ankles and falling. never hurts less #still think about how failed the heds test by 1 point but had several people with heds or who have close friends/family with it who told me #they think i have it and should go het diagnosed or just ask me if i have it because they recognize the symptoms #and every time i tell them the doctor i saw about my joint issues and stuff denied it they get super confused and tell me to try #another doctor. unfortunately i have to go through my designated health system and they dont have multiple doctors of each specialty #and i in general have no clue how to navigate health stuff or how to advocate for myself and have no help or support system at all so 🤷 #anyway. it makes me wonder if i *do* have that or if my floppy bendy joints are just similarly bad and exercise will cure me #and im just bad at it because i have no clue what is right and wrong movement unless someone watches me and corrects me the whole time #and no i wont learn or get better. im so disconnected from this body that i will never learn what feels right and wrong. #still cant even tell when im hungry until i almost pass out!!!!!!! of thirsty!! or even have to pee until its emergency level piss!!!!!! #so no way to tell when hypermobiling joints when exercising or when form is slipping and not correct anymore. #been trying things to get better at that but still hasnt improved at all #what was i talking about......right. dont think ill ever get heds diagnosis since cant pass the test for that. so cant get much support/help #am on my own with youtube tutorials and hoping i dont keep hurting myself wishing exercise will cure me and “good days” become permanent #also why are video tutorials SO HARD TO FOLLOW AND LEARN FROM. im sk bad at it yet everyone tells me its the best and only way to learn but #its SO HARD FOR ME 😭😭😭😭😭 MAKES ME SO FRUSTRATED AND UPSET

[dashiellqvverty]

would love to try fallout 4 sometime for the sole reason that it’s set in boston. even tho it im not even that familiar with boston i’m like omgggg massachusetts 💖💖💖 however i was only able to play fnv because of a mod that replaces all the insects with other monsters and there is no mod for fallout 4 that replaced EVERY bug

#so many that are like ‘all except [this one that doesn’t bother me]’ well it bothers ME #i bought fnv on sale in high school and was so excited to play. had not thought about the bugs. #got to the first bugs you fight in the tutorial and literally thought i would never be able to play it #bc they make me feel so fucking freaked out and sick to my stomach #the mod i use replaces all bugs with ghouls so it does fuck with the difficulty a bit #but i don’t really care about that i’m not playing to get the authentic gamer experience #i’m playing so i can imagine i’m dating arcade #ugh on a slightly related note i wish there was an alternative no spiders mod for bg3 #the one that exists is perfectly serviceable and i personally don’t mind them being replaced with dogs but that doesn’t work for everyone #and also i just kind of wish the mod was better maintained #i haven’t had i not work for me YET and i’m always careful to check it after updates but #ppl are frequently having issues and the creator is always like uhhhh idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i haven’t checked it in that act #and it’s like i get that and i appreciate them making it at all #but it’s the only option out there so of course they’re going to be hounded bc it’s the only way some ppl can play #like i just wish someone else would make one #like who cares if it’s redundant you could make it slightly different #r.txt

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary