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jamneuromain · 6 months

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Wild Child Chapter. 1

Series Summary:

As the granddaughter of the sole Duke in your country, you know that you were going to marry some douche prince, because it is the only way to solidify the grasp the future king has on the Upper House. On the flight home, you come up with a brilliant plan to defy your upcoming matrimony.

Bringing a random man to your grandfather's place, and say you have a boyfriend already.

"Is there anything else I should know about? Before I meet your family?" Ari cocks his head to the side, watching you adjusting your cerulean Valentino dress when you wave your hand dismissively.

"Just say we're in love and help me get out of marrying this D-bag."

Ari Levinson x You

#i didn't know he is my fiance-douchebag-prince

#when i did, it was too late

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board Flight CM80072 from London to Ancetol. This is your Captain speaking. My name is…”

The broadcast started as you stuffed your ears with your earbuds. The screeching static along with the horrible noise whenever the captain chewed the mic in his lips and popped every consonant as if he couldn’t speak otherwise.

You should have brought your earplugs.

Or fly your private plane.

Correction: Fly your family’s private plane.

But you guessed they were still mad at you, which was probably the reason why the bodyguard they sent simply handed you an envelope with an airplane ticket inside.

“Would you like to see the menu?” The stewardess asked you with a kind smile, handing you the thick book of menu, “We have foie gras, smoked salmon, or veal rolls for the main course. Of course, you can also choose the vegan meal. All the ingredients are listed below the dishes.”

“I’ll have the veal roll.” You took a sip of the lemon-flavored soda she gave you earlier, “First course - the shrimp, and dessert would be the … ice cream, with extra berry toppings?”

“Excellent choice, Miss Y/L/N.” The stewardess nodded, taking notes of your demands, the impeccable smile still on her lips, “Any drinks?”

The bodyguard to your back coughed. Very loudly. Very spontaneously. As if he would be dead if someone didn’t hand him a glass of water or ship him off to the chemotherapy very soon.

“Cappu…” you changed your mind as soon as you were “reminded” that you were not allowed to drink alcohol, "Screw it, apple cider please.”

“Miss -” The bodyguard in the full black suit tried to warn you, “His Lordship won’t be pleased.”

“His Lordship,” you sniggered, “desperate measure to demonstrate his control over me, huh? Plus, I don’t think I recall our King has issued any announcement on the succession of the title. So, Lord him all you like. Pathetic man. I’m not respecting someone who participated perhaps even less than a minute in creating me.” You muttered the last few words under your breath.

You could practically imagine what “His Lordship” would do when he hears the report from the bodyguard, word for word.

He might throw some crystal ornaments to the wall, shouting at the top of his lungs, as if that would reinforce his authority.

A man to your right chuckled. Like you, he was just approached by the stewardess regarding his meal choice, now sipping scotch on the rocks. You glared at him. He looks like a man in his 30s. Terribly well dressed. The suit fitted his tailoring right up to his cufflinks. Golden cufflinks, you might add. White shirt without a tie. Long hair with a full-grown beard.

“Sorry, can’t help but overhear.” He raised his hands and folded them on his knees, “I’m Guy. Guy Thomas.”

“Mr. Thomas,” you shared your given name with him, but left out your family name, offering to shake his hand.

“Guy.” He stressed, “You’re from Ancetol?”

You were born in the outskirts of Ancetol, the capital of your home country, Ballenia, one of the few countries that are still ruled by a monarch. Your mother was relieved that you were blessed with a quick birth. But your father wanted nothing more than a boy. A boy that could take the family title and carry the family honor. Probably why he didn’t make an appearance until the second day of your birth. Reluctantly. You might add.

You spent the next couple of years of your life in a small town in Ballenia, growing up with your mother who thought innocently that your father would miraculously love you and accept you both as family.

You stopped believing in “a happy marriage” a long time ago. No. You stopped believing in “marriage”. And the fairy tales. And the lovely stories that told you one day, Prince Charming would come to rescue you riding his big white horse and ask you to be his wife, and some happily ever after bullshit.

No.

The reality was, fairly close to the story of your family, where the “Cinderella”, your mother, was abandoned by the prince, who is your father, and he had a couple of mistresses when Cinderella was only allowed to be presented during formal circumstances.

Ah yes, after all, a divorce would destroy the reputation of His Lordship. Making them look bad if they kick a civilian woman out of the door. The press would go frenzy about it, spreading the news that the “Cinderella” had been divorced by the cold-hearted heir of the Duke.

Luckily, or, unlucky for your father, it was your grandfather who carried the Duke title. Your grandfather who was equally displeased with you, a useless girl. Your grandfather, who passed away quite recently. Three days ago.

Hence, your urgent return. And some pretenses for the reputation of your family.

So, sunglasses it is then. During the funeral. With a white handkerchief. No one will see your dry eyes incapable of producing tears, not for that old bastard anyway. You thought to yourself, eyeing the huge bulk of a man next to you.

Did you forget to mention that the late Duke did the same trick as your father? Marrying a civilian woman and keeping a dozen mistresses in the same mansion they live in?

“You sound local.” You commented on the way he speaks English, “Are you from Ancetol as well?”

“Aww, what gave it away?” The man switched to fluent Ballenian, the language you haven’t heard of for years, and asked you, sounding sincere, “Is it the ‘r’? I always mess up the ‘r’.”

“Your name doesn’t sound local though,” you buckled your seatbelt as the stewardess stepped close to inform you the plane was ready to depart, lowering your eyes to fumble with the metal link, “Guy Thomas. Very American.”

Ari, no, Guy, pushed a little smile on his lips.

Of course, this name sounded American. You would freak out if he told you his true name.

“My mother is American and my father is Ballenian.” Which was 75% true because his mother was half American. The other half Danish.

He went by “Guy Thomas” when he was having fun among people and didn’t want to spoil everything by announcing he was Ari. The fucking prince of Ballenia.

Total mood killer.

“Are you here for business or pleasure?” You joked, “Or visiting your family?”

“Mostly business.” Ari fabricated a lie out of nowhere, “I work as a manager of my family business.” Technically that’s not a lie. He even slipped in some details for credibility.

Family business, the kingdom.

Manager, well sort of, since his dad owned the country.

“And I’m back in Ballenia to secure a deal.”

You lacked interest in business and all that, waving your hand as if dismissal, but allowing the stewardess to come and take away the food and drink in front of you, “hard to do business nowadays, especially when the Minister of Foreign Trade is a jackass.”

“You speak as if you know him.”

“Please, he’s been in that position for fifteen years.” You rolled your eyes.

The minister tried to get you to marry his hideous, lazy, pig-like son who knows nothing more than eating, smoking, and partying. Promising your father to “sweeten the deal” by favoring the company your mother owned but your father controlled.

Your father really would have said yes if it weren’t for the deal years ago, promising you to another man already. A man more powerful than the minister or his son will ever be.

“Of course, he is a jackass. If not now, then somewhere in his 15 years of gripping the foreign trade.” But you were not telling a total stranger about you being promised around like a Ming-Dynasty Vase. “Just look at the new announcement he made with the U.S. What deal did he make? None! Claiming that ‘further efforts are needed’. Further my ass. The Ambassador from the States could barely keep the smile on his face for Christ’s sake.”

Ari took a mental note to look into this “jackass” Minister.

“What about you?” He asked, “Visiting your family? Plan on staying here long?”

You pursed your lips on hearing the question.

Visit your family? How about dead family?

You were here to attend your grandfather, the late Duke’s funeral.

Staying long?

You wouldn’t curse yourself like that.

The longer you stay, the more probable your father and your mother will talk you into marriage.

You loved your mother, but for Christ’s sake, “I hope not.”

Ari didn’t respond to your reply. He simply hummed, making you confused about whether he agreed with you or not.

The plane did not wait for a minute more before departing into the air. A short while of gravity shift brought you 30,000 feet up in the sky. You pulled down the blind as the annoying sunlight burned your eyes, getting up for a bit more leg room and heading to the bathroom.

In the blink of an eye, a violent turbulence threw you off your own feet.

The soft ring of the safety belt sign turned the orange light on, while you slowly came to your senses that you weren’t embraced by the ground, but rather a firm body wrapping around you. One arm on your back, holding your upper body, another hung – rather awkwardly – in the air. You were sitting on his thick thighs sideways. Your ankle hurting. You were pretty much sure you twisted it with your damn heels.

“Miss Y/L/N!” The bodyguard hurried towards you, completely disregarding the tremble of the plane, rushing to your side. “Miss, I need you to try and stand up.” He held out an arm, leaning towards you to help you up.

Seeing him trying to assess how hurt your ankle was, you were very touched that he was concerned and reacted quickly. Maybe a small pay rise for him if you get back to your home?

Your bodyguard sighs, shaking his head with a disapproving look, “If this is your way of trying to escape the deal, his lordship won’t be pleased.”

Oh yes, the deal. The deal that simply packed you like a FedEx item and threw you to the palace door. The deal that promised you to the prince, right after you were born. The deal that you were told by your parents to honor for as long as you can remember. The deal lurking in the corner and bit you in the ass whenever you had done something to displease your father, reminding you over and over again that the only reason that you were alive was the fucking deal.

Apparently, your father had left out a most important piece of detail when instructing this bodyguard to “guard” you from running away.

You hardly ever do as you’re told.

“I think my ankle is broken.” You said dryly, pointing at your feet, not even trying to pretend that you can convince no one with your bland facial expression, “Can’t get up.”

Ari bit his lips so that he wouldn’t laugh.

You were sure as hell an interesting soul.

If he had any doubt or concerns regarding marrying you, a complete stranger in a matter of weeks, he now had none.

He thought you were the kind of girl who was a black sheep in the family, a wild child, with tattoos on your eyeballs or something. But you were nothing like his imagination.

Wild? Sure.

Black sheep? Compared to your father, the to-be-Duke, who seemed more like what the term was describing.

Ari raised his eyebrows, “Although I wouldn’t oppose you sitting on my thighs,” he nodded towards the stewardess who lurked behind the thin veil of curtain, “I’m afraid she would be unable to do her job properly if this continues.”

You clenched your jaw. Ignoring the extended hand from your bodyguard, you stood up, feeling instantly a sharp pain stinging your bones.

Bathroom was long forgotten, not that you have a chance to reach there on your own, you slumped down the seat and made sure you pushed the seat back until you could almost lie down like on a gurney. Lifting the hurting ankle on your other ankle, you closed your eyes.

Fuck his lordship.

The pain throbbing on your ankle. Your body dipped in both the coolness of the AC and the heat from your spine and the back of your head.

The few hours on the plane became more and more unbearable.

The veal roll didn’t lift your spirit in any way when it was brought to you.

The meat itself was fine. Only that it tasted like wax to you. You let out a long exhale as you outstretched your leg to ease the stress. Finishing the meal barely, you pushed the plate away, not even looking at the cider that you were thrilled to piss your father off with, and asked the stewardess for some paper. Empty sheets for writing.

She was clearly dumb-founded by your request, but hurried to carry your idea out.

You thanked her when she brought you some sheets, torn from some notepad as there were jigsaw razor edges on the side of the paper.

If the pain and the fact that every second you were closer to Ballenia was bothering you, you only needed something more bothering to take your mind off.

Ari narrowed his eyes when he cast a glimpse that you pulled out a pen from your bag from the overhead compartment and started writing on the empty sheets of paper.

Call him nosey but he wanted to know what you were writing.

Too inconvenient for him, your letters scribbled too small for his eyes to see. Occasional glimpses couldn’t help him read your writing. Nor that the content on your phone was clear enough for him to read either.

He did know that should be a text of some kind.

What text though? That was the real question.

…not some kind of text that could curse the royal family of the Ballenia, right?

Ari was almost amused by his own thoughts, before a shiver ran down his body and stuck an idea in his mind that this was totally and perfectly possible.

…you wouldn’t, would you?

Hard to tell. You weren’t exactly obeying the orders to marry him. Delaying it a couple of times in the past three years. And now, hearing that you had just called a minister “asshole” … or was it “butt ass” (?), anyway, something about ass, behind his back, and that you could mull a long face over your own bodyguard? Ari couldn’t figure out your temper and your actions all of a sudden.

The adjectives, that your father and his father used when they were talking about you, didn’t even come close to you.

“Kind” “Warm” “Considerate” “Perfect Princess”.

“Exceptional”. Maybe this was the right word.

Definitely different and strong-minded.

He could almost imagine the changes you would bring to his family and the kingdom.

He could discuss politics with you. You had your own thoughts and ideas, which was a good sign. Talk about foreign policies. Speaking of, he should really have someone fetch your dissertation from your university to understand where lies your interests. He’d allow gossip on the table too, if that’s what you like.

Ari hated gossip.

And there he was, imagining the future with you, before you were willing to marry him.

“If you want the book, I can lend it to you.” Your voice snapped him out of his fantasies. You had stopped scribing and rubbing your knuckles with your other hand. Pursing your lips together, you had, obviously, found out that he had his eyes glued to you.

“I’m sorry?”

“The History and Nature of International Relations.” You shrugged, twirling your wrist and your shoulder for writing too long, “I gotta warn you though, it’s pretty boring.”

Ari knew the correct answer to his question, but he asked either way, “You are studying it?”

“No. Yes. Hmpf,” You pouted at your change of words, “I did. I was. I was studying International Relations.” Something blipped in your mind, “Did you know this book?”

Ari smiled, “Took a course in International Relations years ago. I’m surprised they are still using it as an example of a textbook – where did you study?”

“NYU.” That’s a plain fat lie. You had a friend studying at NYU, but you were not planning on giving all your personal information away to a complete stranger, “You?”

Ari cocked his eyebrows. You were studying in Cambridge. He read that from your file.

“University of Ancetol.” Because studying there demonstrated the confidence of the Royal family in their country’s educational system. From there, the lies weaved themselves from his lips, “Got an undergrad degree and started to take over the family business. I visited New York last year,” along with his father, the King, but they travelled as quietly as they could, initiating a state visit without disturbing the press, “I miss school, now that I’m thinking of it.” Ari sighed deeply, “Wanted to get a grad degree but work’s too busy.”

“A manager in your family business?” You teased him light-heartedly, “Surely you can spare the time and study for a grad degree.”

Ari chose to evade this question. Reaching for his suit pocket, he fished out a business card with his name (Guy Thomas) and phone number on it, handing it to you, “Grad school doesn’t exactly tolerate me flying all over the world for … my family business.” He pushed his soft brown hair behind his ears, his eyes sparkling with a hint of joy that he had successfully fooled you, “Jewelry, my specialty. Diamonds, pearls, gemstones … call me if you need anything.”

“Oh, and she got her Master’s degree two months ago.” Ari casually dropped this to his parents in the middle of having dinner, he almost felt proud of his future wife, “Majoring in Political Science and International Relations. With a merit… no, distinction. The top 10% of her class.”

“We want a princess, not a college professor.” His father looked rather disappointed, “We were promised a princess.”

Ari didn’t understand.

If it were to be a marriage without love, he’d rather his spouse would be clever than bimbos who need help spelling “distinction”. Clever would mean he has a handful to deal with, yes, but what’s the fun in talking with someone who only cares about mani-pedi and the latest fashion magazines when he would be running the country?

Why wouldn’t they want someone smart as his wife?

“Your father is right, Ari,” his mother, Queen Olivia, reminded him with a softer tone, “we don’t need someone academically outstanding. We only want her to care for your home, you, and your future children.” She then turned to Ari’s father, King Victor, with blame framing her tone, “Told you should’ve just kept her with us when she was born. I knew Y/L/Ns were incompetent in raising our son’s future wife.”

Ari nearly spat out his food, “HOUSEWIFE?” Earning the “Shhh” from the Queen, he ignored the palace rules and the rules of being a prince altogether, “You want a HOUSEWIFE as the future queen?”

“For the moment.” Olivia waved her hand as if all this was not important, “Only temporal. After you get acquainted with the Upper House, you could divorce her and we’ll find you a proper wife.”

Taglist: @irishhappiness @patzammit

Find the Wild Child Masterlist here 👈

Questions? Comments? Requests? 👉Send them to my inbox 👂

#ari levinson x reader #ari levinson x you #ari levinson x female reader #ari levinson smut #ari levinson fluff #prince!ari levinson #royalty au

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octuscle · 29 days

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Moments ago during the last night of the county fair my friends and i decided to go, there were many people and many atractions to play, while my friends decided to go to some atractions that i wasnt interested, i saw a muscular tanned hairy bald man with a manly beard wearing a black shirt with white pants and bots, standing in the middle of the crowd, he saw at my direction for some seconds then left to a tent where was sign saying "fortune teller, enter if you want to know your fate". I entered and a old man offered to read my hand, and after some moments i wasnt myself anymore

You're a typical WASP. Dutch and Swedish roots. A bit unathletic. But educated, liberal… What are you supposed to do with a fortune teller?

"You come from a country far away" Great, you think. Another person who doesn't tell you the future but tells you things you've known for a long time. And anyone could have told you that you are not from here with your black hair and brown eyes.

"You have a strong and assertive personality. A real fighter." Yes, the fortune teller is flattering you a little. But there's nothing wrong with a little flattery. We're all a little vain. You flex the muscles of the arm he's holding.

"You've always had to stand up to strong opponents." Which the guy can bet his ass on. You've never been given anything. Not in your childhood, before the civil war devastated your Syrian homeland, not in the times when bombs took your parents and your home, not when you fled here. And not since you have been here. But you are a fighter.

"You are a strong man who can hit hard. You move big weights." Oh my God, you think. Who would have guessed. The calluses on your hands are not from holding a fountain pen or typing on a keyboard. And neither are your broad shoulders. It's really obvious that you're no stranger to the gym.

"Whatever they tackle, it will be a success, it will be gold!" Ah, finally we come to the interesting part. Just the fact that you are here today, that you have your own stand at FIBO, one of the most important fitness fairs in the world, is already a huge success for you. You are here to present your new fitness app. But also to put yourself in the limelight. Because you can't yet make a living from your app alone. You also need lucrative advertising contracts.

"Champ, now stop with the manicure and take care of your sponsors!" The booming bass of your manager shakes the backstage area. He stands in the doorway of the room where your calloused hands are being shaped. A muscular tanned hairy bald man with a manly beard wearing a black shirt with white pants and boots.

He's right, but looking good is the be-all and end-all here at the trade fair. Hopefully you'll be shaking a lot of hands over the next few days. And your hands need to be just as shiny as you are. You thank the manicurist who is giving your hands a final massage. Excellent work. And most importantly, she didn't talk while she was working. You have it when you have to talk in situations like this or are told things that you either already know or are not interested in.

A quick look in the mirror. Perfect complexion, perfect hair. The show can begin.

The next few days are going to be hell. Pitches to investors, posing for fans, toadying to sponsors. But you are a fighter. And a professional. And whatever you touch turns to gold!

#male tf #muscle tf #reality change #tank top #ai image

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cryptiduni · 9 months

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…i just saw this poll and my unevolved brain gel wriggled inside my cranium like a feral fish:

idk how you look at his official art and call him conventionally attractive. my man looks like a wet dog and has eyebags for daysss. face full of pox scars, skin pale af, and those shaggy ass hair & a rugged beard hanging from his flat long face.

he is pretty *to me* but like dude???

—not exactly a heartthrob boy band material is he?

obv I wouldn’t call him “misunderstood baby uwu” if we are talking a little more seriously —but to be fair jean is having possibly the worst week of his life. the car? fucking sunk. case? unsolved. not to mention his close partner (who is also an ass mind you) doesn’t even remember him, already running around with a new one.

yeah he is absolutely foul and aggressive and degrading harry but like i said before (in my tag essay lol) judit also makes ableist comments and i don’t see people hating her because she’s outwardly nice—

and respects harry as her superior. her BOSS.

(also a friend with benefits? /nope, it’s just him harassing judit/ as well but not as a complicated relationship compared jean and harry’s brötherbund. only a few months of acquaintanceship.)

plus it’s highhlyyy likely that harry is not the only one substance abuse. —look at jean’s rudolf-looking-red-ass-nose. a drunkard’s sniffers. probably had few lines with him late at night… when your lifetime partner is an alcoholic it's hard to say no.

about the left for dead thing, they left because harry told them to fuck off. tbh harry is nightmare to work with esp pre-bender. (and am saying as a pathetic little unmedicated neurodivergent woman.)

but when the second time they left revachol was not jean’s fault, and it was judit’s suggestion anyway. the squad probably thought that since harry had someone a little more responsible looking after him. it will be fine when they come back. the tribunal was absolutely unaccounted for.

yet despite all of these things, he will try to come back to make sure he is ok and accommodate harrier to the best of his abilities which is wearing very thin. look at him trying to make up to our harry boy:

anyways am incapable of writing coherent thoughts (even though i want to talk about it for hours) that make sense so go look at sygneth’s jean psychological analysis instead. it is an excellent read. please go read.

#op might wanna get their eyes or head checked lol. they looked at a little too much fanart.#+do not interact with the original poll. don’t look it up. it’s not worth it. don't give it traction. don't attract drama.#am sure op is just a troll. prob barely spent any time playin/readin DE. not that i am that much media literate but still...#i am sure there are things i left out. oh well...#i know that you need high EDC build run or lotta reading to understand so his “lore” so is kinda gatekept--#but it’s frustrating to see shit takes like this lmaoo #also don’t get me wrong i like judit. she is a tired working woman w/ a pathetic husband + 2x children. she just wanna grab jean & go home.#p.s stella as in stella from ‘‘helluva boss’’. idk didn’t like its S2 i think she coulda been more complex character.#but not everything needs to be deep and meaningful i guess. simple villains are ok.#her anger is justified towards her husband’s infidelity but she’s kind of a dumb royal brat. esp in s2. just calls of his assassination rig #heron vs secretary #angry bird vs angry bird shit fr beuh #disco elysium #jean vicquemare #jean posting #jean heron vicquemare #loyal is the he…#no. am not tagging HB or stella.#kinda long #longish post #cryptid rambles

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strangerthingslover69 · 1 year

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Hoppers had a good day

It’s your weekly movie night with your older, grumpier chief of police room mate. Only this time he’s in a good mood. A very good mood. He shows your just how good of a mood he’s in

18+ minors do not read!

Warnings ~ Drinking, swearing and smut ~

You plonk down on the sofa after a long day at work, you’ve just put in a new movie to watch with your roommate. Yes your roommate is Jim Hopper. You heard he was looking for one and you needed a place to get away from your parents, so you took the opportunity straight away. It’s been okay so far. He’s mostly grumpy when he comes back from a day at the station so you did keep your distance a bit, especially when he was in one of those moods. But today was different. ‘Hey Y/N, you got the movie all set up already? Aren’t you a good girl’ he says entering the cabin. You sit there a moment confused. For once he seems happy almost? Coming in with a smile. But main reason you’re confused is by the new nickname. ‘Good girl’ he’s never ever called you that. You hate to admit how much it turns you on. Oh yeah you had a bit of a crush on your older room mate. It was hard not to especially seeing him in the uniform. It made you hot under the collar but you’d never admit that. ‘Yup, all ready. Made some popcorn too’ you say grabbing it off the table. ‘Excellent! Just gonna have a quick shower first then I’ll be all yours’ he says leaning down taking some popcorn into his mouth. Great now your thinking about him in the shower. God damn it Jim Hopper. He only takes about five minutes before he pops back out. He leaves the bathroom as you go to the kitchen to grab a couple of beers. You try hard not to look but it’s pretty damn hard when he’s just got a towel around his waist. Your eyes follow as he makes way to his room. You quickly look away focusing on the beers. You make your way back to the sofa sitting back and opening your beer. Hopper joins you, he choices to sit next to you today. Normally he sits in his own chair. You look at him puzzled but he just smiles picking up his beer and taking a long sip. You watch the way his throat bobs as he drinks the refreshment. ‘Ready for the movie?’ He asks taking the beer away. You snap back to reality. ‘Yup! I’ll press play’ you say getting up to press the play button. As you bend down to reach Hopper happily takes in the view of your ass in your shorts. You weren’t aware of his attraction to you. He thought you were the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. He couldn’t believe it when you wanted to move in with him. He felt like he’d won the jackpot. You were considerably younger than him but he didn’t care. He could see the way your pj shorts rod up your ass cheeks peeking them out. No underwear. He loved movie nights. Just you and him. You’d always wear your cute pjs. You also wore them intentionally, especially the more reviling ones. Todays choice short shorts and a tight crop top. No undies of course. The cabin was naturally cold so your nipples were always visible when your wore something like this.

You sat back down next to Hopper as the movie started. Hopper now had the popcorn on his lap. You shuffled in closed next to him and took a handful of the strategically placed popcorn and began to eat it. About 10 minutes in your start to shiver a bit more. Quite breezy this evening. ‘You cold?’ Hopper asks. You nod. He gets up and gets the blanket from his chair, he sits back down next to you (even closer as you feel your legs touch one another) he brings the blanket and wraps it around the two of you. ‘Better?’ He asks looking at you. You turn to look at him to answer. He’s a lot closer than you realised. You can see the finer detailing of his skin now you’re this close. The wrinkles you see on his beautifully blue eyes. The different shades of brown that run through his hair. How thick his moustache is compared to his beard. He is truly beautiful. ‘Better’ you whisper, reluctantly turning your head back to the TV.

About half way through the film you feel Hopper starts getting bored, you’ve picked up on his habits. You can tell as he’s not really paying attention and you can feel his eyes boring into you. ‘What’s up Hopper?’ You ask eyes still on the screen. He lets out a sigh, ‘just thinking.’ You head stays in the same place but you move your eyes in his direction, ‘what you thinking about?’ You ask him. He shifts closer to you, his breath on your neck. His hand slowly making its way up to your bare thigh. You start to feel nervous but tingly. ‘I’m thinking about how good you would taste’ he whispers into your ear. You freeze unknowing what to do, Hoppers hand moving its way up higher to the inside on your thigh. He continued to talk, ‘you see Y/N. Ever since you moved in here I can’t get you out of my head.’ - you feel his finger circling the inside of your thigh - ‘you are intoxicating. I need to know what you feel like on my skin. How you’d taste in my lips. I know you look at me too. Like earlier in the shower? I was thinking about you then, the thought of you bouncing on my cock. God it made me so hard.’ You flinch as you feel his hand on your clothed pussy. Your eyes are still on the movie, you daren’t look at Hopper no matter how much you want to you just can’t. ‘Do you want that Y/N?’ He whispers causing shivers to run through out your body. You give a small nod. ‘No baby girl, I need you to use your words’ he says as he starts slowly kissing down your neck. You moan at his kisses. ‘Yes’ you whimper.

The kisses are you neck continue, he gives it a little bite and then suck. You rub your fingers through his hair as he continues. His hand reaching under your short waistband moving to your bare pussy. You jolt as your feel his big fingers move your wetness up and down. ‘Fuck Y/N, so fucking wet’ he moans in your neck. His fingers quickly find your clit as he starts making slow circular movements, agonisingly slow. You buck your hips up wanted no needing more. ‘Patience sweetheart, don’t worry. I’ll take good care of you’ Hopper says kissing his way down your shoulder. You feel his finger making its way to your aching hole as quick as that he pushes it right in causing you to let out a loud moan. His finger gives you pleasure you’ve not been able to feel for a long time. He curls it up and reaches a whole new place. His thumb rubbing your clit side to side making you squirm under his touch. ‘Fuck Hopper!’ You moan as you feel another finger being added. His free hand lifts up your top revealing your bare chest. ‘Beautiful’ Hopper mutters before attaching his lips around your already hardened nipple and sucking it. Your a moaning mess as his speed picks up, his thumb being magical on your clit and him adding another finger filling up your needy pussy. You feel yourself being close as you clench around him. ‘Oh baby cum for me, cum on my fingers’ Hopper says before returning to your nipple to circle his tongue around it. As if his words were magic you came all over his fingers. He slows down as he works his way through the end of your orgasm. Your breathing heavily trying to catch your breath. But Hopper has other ideas.

He pulls out his fingers from your now tightened hole, lifting them up into his mouth. Cleaning them all up, you watch as you are in a trance. ‘Fuck baby, you taste incredible’ he says popping his fingers out your mouth. Before you respond you are quickly pulled by your ankles. Hopper kneels on the floor and throws your legs over his shoulders. Pulling off your shorts so he can have a proper look of your glorious pussy. ‘Fuck Y/N. You sure do have a pretty pussy.’ He says moving his head closer towards it. You don’t say anything, any words fail to come out of your mouth as you watch him. Hoppers tongue meets your wet pussy. Giving it a long kick from the bottom to the top. You moan at the feeling, you still sensitive from cumming a minute ago. He looks up at you as he licks again. ‘Shit Hopper!’ You moan, your hand reaching for his hair. He dives straight back in. His tongue licking you up and down, gathering your left over cum. Long licks all over, he doesn’t miss a place. You feel his tongue make contact with you pussy hole, he’s putting it in and out. ‘Daddy!’ you moan. Hearing you call him that makes him moan into your pussy, causing more sensation for you. He laps up your juices licking them all around. You feel him shift you up higher. Your ass in his face. Spreading your ass cheeks apart and sticking his tongue directing in the whole. You buck your hips at the new feeling. No one had touched your asshole before and you liked it. As Hopper eats your ass you feel his thick fingers making their way back to your pussy. Just like before he slams two fingers in and pumps them in and out. Your a moaning mess as you are experiencing so many feelings. What sends you over the edge is when he pushes your knees all the way back to meet your shoulders. ‘Hold them up’ he commands, you do as he says. His mouth latching into your clit again moustache ticking you, his two fingers fucking your pussy hole and his pinky in your asshole. It feels fucking amazing. Your legs start to burn from keeping them up but you don’t care. ‘S-so close daddy!’ You moan looking down at him. ‘Cum again baby. Cum for daddy’ Hopper moans around your clit. The feeling comes back only stronger. Your holes clench around as you cum over his fingers, ‘fuck fuck fuck!’ You scream. He doesn’t stop though and you feel a different kind of feeling. He’s still sucking on your clit when a liquid comes out of you. ‘Daddy daddy daddy!’ You moan as you explode. His fingers slow as does his tongue. He kicks up your juices and detaches himself off you. Out of breath from those orgasms, you slowly look down to see Hopper soaking wet. ‘Well fuck baby’ he says starring at you hypnotised by what you’ve just done. You take your hands off your legs to cover your face, you feel embarrassed but Hopper holds them in his. ‘That was amazing baby. You are fucking amazing.’ He says bringing you in for your first kiss. He’s soaked in your juices but you don’t care as you kiss him back. ‘Your turn daddy’ you say pulling away ready to pounce on him. He looks at you and chuckles. ‘I already did baby. You fucking made me cum in my pants’ he says pointing to them. You look down and see the wet patch running down. You can’t help feeling a little proud. You look up to him and say with a cheeky smile, ‘well maybe in a little bit? I need to taste you daddy’

#Stranger things #stranger things smut #jim hopper #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper smut #jim hopper x you #jim hopper stranger things #chief hopper #hopper stranger things

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thana-topsy · 10 months

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Ancano X Savos Aren? 👀

EXCELLENT suggestion. Thank you for this one.

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Ancano x Savos Aren "A kiss to gain something." (1077 words)

“I’m sorry, but the answer is still no.”

Ancano lifted a brow as he took a sip of wine, gazing half-lidded over the brim of his cup. He dabbed his lips on the back of his glove and offered a delicate shrug in response. “I understand, Arch-Mage. My apologies for… haranguing you.”

They sat opposite each other in Savos Aren’s quarters, a bottle of Firebrand wine between them (Ancano’s gift), barely touched. Aren wore a look of pinched suspicion, which Ancano supposed was fair. He hadn’t really made an attempt at being pleasant thus far, but supposed after two months living at this wretched college that he might as well make an attempt to forge a connection. At least superficially.

More than connection, however, he wanted access to Saarthal.

“You have to understand it from my perspective,” Aren continued, gazing curiously into his own wine cup. It’s not poisoned, Ancano wanted to say. “We already walk a delicate tightrope with the locals. Allowing a Thalmor agent to enter a revered Nordic crypt—especially considering the history of said crypt—it would shine unwanted attention on the College. We are neutral in this conflict, and many might see it as–”

“I might remind you that the Thalmor are also neutral in this conflict, Arch-Mage. Our presence in Skyrim, as with any other country under the Empire’s rule, is simply to enforce order and aid in upholding the agreements of the Concordat. I might also add that I am not a Justiciar. I am not here to root out Talos worship, though it is my duty to report it.” He paused, taking another sip of wine, letting his words linger. “But it is not my main concern. My role here is to act as an advisor and ambassador to you, Arch-Mage. And staying abreast of the College’s curriculum, including all relevant expeditions, is my concern.”

At long last, Aren took a sip of his own wine. He made a pleased noise, then picked up the bottle to inspect the label. “Quite nice.”

Ancano nodded, tilting his cup in Aren’s direction in silent cheers.

Aren sat back in his chair with a sigh, pushing the hood from his head. His long, black hair was streaked gray and pulled back into a low tail. His features were severe, even for a dark elf: high cheekbones and hollow cheeks, his deep red eyes slitted like a fox. The point of his beard only served to make his face appear far too long and narrow. Ancano always found the dark elves to have an unnatural, uncanny appearance to them—Daedra-cursed through and through—and rarely did he find himself in such close quarters with one. He couldn’t help but stare.

“You were a student at this college once, correct?” Ancano asked.

“Yes,” Aren answered, his nervousness returning.

“What was your area of study?”

He seemed to relax marginally. “Oh, well, I had a variety of projects in my time. This was close to a century ago, mind you, but–”

And he was off, jabbering away about various lines of research and artifact recovery. No wonder he’d initiated the Saarthal expedition. Savos Aren seemed particularly fascinated with what basically amounted to grave robbing. Ancano smiled into his wine.

“What’s so funny?” Aren asked.

“Funny? No no, you mistake me. I simply find your… enthusiasm to be charming.”

An indigo flush crept up Aren’s neck and darkened his cheeks. He took a sip of his own wine and averted his fox-like eyes.

Ancano made a mental note of the reaction. “Please continue,” he urged. “And let me–” He reached forward to lift the wine bottle, motioning for Aren to hold out his cup to be refilled.

“Thank you.”

“Of course, Arch-Mage.”

He listened patiently as the Dunmer continued to ramble, Aren's shoulders becoming looser, his gesticulations more enthusiastic. Ancano continued to fill Aren’s wine cup when it ran low.

“And I just feel it; a mage’s intuition, if you will. There’s a missing piece to the puzzle in Saarthal. Why would our ancient brethren risk it all otherwise? The Nords dug too deep, I say. They found something that they shouldn’t have. Something worth fighting for. I just know it.”

Ancano’s entire body blazed with victory, satisfaction curling in the pit of his stomach. He hid his excitement behind a placid smile. “You’ve dared to do what many have not. And for that, I commend you. I have no doubt your efforts will prove to be most fruitful.”

“I appreciate you saying so,” said Aren. “And thank you for the wine. It’s been most delicious.”

“Of course.” Ancano rose to his feet, rolling his shoulders and stretching his neck. “I believe I must retire for the evening. It’s grown late.”

Aren got to his feet as well. “Ah, I’ve rambled on for so long. My apologies.”

“No need to apologize. I inquired, after all.”

Aren’s gaze was slightly unfocused—dulled from the wine and lulled by the companionable conversation—yet his gaze lingered on Ancano’s face for a moment too long. “If–” he began, then seemed to second guess himself.

Ancano relaxed his posture, crossing his hands patiently in front of his waist, waiting.

“I might accompany you to Saarthal, if you’d still like. Though the excavation has only just begun, I can show you our progress. If–” He gestured to Ancano’s robes. “–only if you promise to wear something a little less… flashy.”

Ancano laughed, and to his own surprise it was a more genuine laugh than he intended. He cleared his throat and regained his composure. “I believe that’s a fair request.”

Final play. Are you so sure of yourself?

Yes, he answered his own query.

Ancano was young by Altmeri standards, but he had grown up among politicians and kinsmen, breast-fed on the social dalliances of subterfuge and subtle manipulation. He knew the signs. He knew the game.

Aren smiled a little too genuinely, and Ancano offered a slight bow in return, crossing his hands behind his back.

“I would be honored, Arch-Mage.” Then, stepping forward, he leaned into Aren’s space, tilting his head to place a soft kiss against the dark elf’s cheek.

Aren sucked in a breath, but otherwise remained stock still as Ancano’s lips lingered.

Then, Acano stepped away with another bow, passing the gesture off as Altmeri formalities. “I eagerly await your invitation.”

“Very good,” Aren said distantly.

Ancano’s smile felt razor-sharp on his lips. “And I’ll make sure to dress for the occasion.”

#topsy writes #ancano #savos aren #ancano/savos aren #skyrim fanfiction #skyrim #elder scrolls #prompt fill

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2offayyo-kzt · 8 months

Text

50+ random hcs about Sean because I have too much free time :

• One day Charmaine found a strange vase while looking for something in the garage. The next day Sean woke up to see flowers in his bong

• Sean owns a boat that he renamed "the Ocean's 12"

• Sean is the kind of guy who only celebrates Halloween to traumatize children with a real chainsaw

• He has never learned to tie his shoes, and doesn't plan to

• Sean has a lot of sleep disorders (including sleep apnea, insomnia, night terrors, confusional arousals...), so that's one of the reasons he drinks, so he can 'sleep' easily

• He suffers from bipolar disorder (type I), "The Guy Pillow", "the Casino", and "A Night Out With the Guys" were manic episodes, "Pine Barrens" a depressive episode

• The first kiss he shared with Laszlo was on a mechanical bull

• Sean and Charmaine attend couple therapy with the conclusion "put yourself in each other's shoes." Sean took the advice to the letter, wore one of his mom's dress, bought a cheap wig and stole makeup from Charmaine's purse. In the morning Charmaine woke up to see her husband dressed as a woman baking cookies and listening to the Spice Girls. 20 minutes later Charmaine changed into jeans, grabbed a bottle of wine and turned on the TV

• If Sean learns that vampires are real, he'll turn into a conspiracy theorist

• He has a scar from his liver transplant

• He secretly does drag when his wife's not at home, stealing her dresses, heels and make-up

• He owns glasses but never wears them, except when driving at night without passengers

• Sean is color blind, so he always chooses clothes with neutral colours or regular patterns (leopard, military), he is also dyslexic but not diagnosed

• He killed his father when he was a teenager (premeditated)

• Sean has a tribal tattoo on his right arm, 'Charmaine' on his left pec and 'Carpe Diem' written on his lower back

• As a child he was not allowed to watch cartoons so his childhood was forged with VHS of old movies. His favourite was Ocean Eleven 1960, it became his comfort film. He exploded with joy when he learned that there would be a remake (2001) It's also because his father forbade him to watch PBS, that today he only watches sports games and cartoons in front of the TV

• He has been fascinated by the occult and the supernatural since he was a teenager, his father considered it to be bullshit so Sean has always been discreet about it

• Sean gets frequent migraines so he uses essential oils, peppermint or CBD oil. He especially can't stand the smell of nail polish (and remover)

• He and Mikey slept together in college, mainly because they couldn't get any 'chicks'

• Sean lived in Canada for few years, so he knows some French

• He still can't identify the bushes that Laszlo has cut (the vaginas)

• He would never admit it but he loves to sew and crochet, yet he always asks his wife to put the thread in the needle because he can't do it and it makes him furious real quick

• Sean would like to grow a beard but Charmaine can't stand it because it scratches her when they kiss

• While Charmaine is a fucking danger in the kitchen, Sean is excellent, and his favorite dish to cook is lasagne. He uses his cooking skills to sell (edible) cookies in front of universities (it has a great success)

• He's had a string of odd jobs, but now he's the manager of a sex shop

yes I totally based this hc on this image :

• He wears matching underwear with Charmaine (leopard or zebra pattern)

• He has a terrible sense of hygiene; he doesn't brush his teeth because it's "too long", so he only uses mouthwash. To wash his body and hair, he borrows his wife's products, but in the past but he's already used white vinegar for washing himself because it's "more economical". And he only cuts his nails with a pair of scissors

• He has a birthmark on his ass

• He can make a "W" with his tongue

• Charmaine always prepares Sean's baths and makes sure the water is hot, even scalding, because Sean is traumatized by freezing baths (for the same reasons as Gregory in House MD)

• To this day, he's convinced that being pansexual means being attracted to "pans"

• When he was little, his mother forced him to learn the piano, he hated it, so he stopped after a year

• Every time Charmaine sees her husband watching wrestling on TV, she laughs at him saying it's soft porn, her husband's response is "you're not wrong."

• Despite his love of the ocean, he suffers from seasickness

• Sean's biggest fear is having the same baldness as his father, so he buys all kinds of miraculous products he's seen on TV to try and stem the problem

• While Charmaine is a shit at geography, Sean is pretty good

• For a short period of his adolescence he was Satanic, the only trace of which is the inverted pentagram he had scarified on his arm, which is why he always wears long sleeves, to hide his numerous self-inflicted scars

• To reach Sean you have to call him, he never replies to messages, if you're lucky he read, and if you're extra lucky he put an "👍" emoji

• When Sean goes to the bathroom, you don't see him again for at least 30 mins. Charmaine often wondered what Sean did to take so much time to shit, and he simply replied that it was his only moment of peace of the day

• Since he's a "man" he's not supposed to cry, so he only cries in front of movies (his love for the Ocean's trilogy is explained by the fact that it's the only time he allows himself to sob)

• He has a naturally artistic temperament : storytelling, crochet, painting etc...

• When he eats, he always starts with dessert because "the best comes first"

• At the beginning of their relationship, he and Charmaine had a little dog (Toy Poodle) named "Biscuit". One day, Sean almost killed the dog by sitting on it while being stoned (the Sopranos ref)

• He's an energy vampire (only Colin knows about it)

• During the pandemic curfew, he drank hydroalcoholic gel out of desperation because he had run out of beer at home

• He has a stuffed animal named "Badger", It was a bear but now he looks more like a rag, Charmaine almost threw it away by accident, Sean threatened to kill her if anything happened to the first love of his life. Franky has already ended up with a black eye for insulting Badger

• He is still a fan of the occult, tarot, gems energy and astrology etc...

• Every time he goes to the movies with Charmaine, he asks her to hide beer cans under her breasts. At first she thought it was absolutely stupid, but eventually Charmaine did it a few times. She never admitted to him that she could hide a bag of weed in her vagina if need be, for obvious reasons

• He hates IQ tests because the only time he took one online, he scored 89 and Charmaine 130

• If he's rich today, it's because he won a game show when he was 30

• Sean suffers from depersonalization/derealization

• He grew his hair to look like the Joker (and subconsciously Laszlo)

• Most of Sean's savings went into expensive jewelry that he bought for his wife to make up for it

• Behind his Ocean's Twelve memorabilia there's a secret room with absolutely everything needed to organize a casino heist : A notebook with personalized costume sketches for each of his friends + 11 extremely extensive custom-made costumes protected in covers, an entire library about robbery and action books, entire handmade maps of New Jersey and more precisely Atlantic City's casinos, an impressive collection of various weapons and safes to practice opening them, twenty years of research for the perfect heist, accumulated in notebooks and plastic sleeves, a notebook with all the formulas on how to make a bomb, and of course, the homemade bomb in the corner of the room, a huge table in the center with a video projector, a cupboard with other figures and goodies from the trilogy, and posters all around the room

• Sean is a kid mentally, and annoying his wife is his favorite pastime, his favorite activity, being upstairs and shouting Charmaine's name, if she answers, he doesn't answer, until she freaks out

• If someone knocks on the toilet while he's occupying it, he shits louder

• At the beach, every time Sean passes by a sand castle, Charmaine is forced to threaten him by whispering "Don't" because she knows that her husband wants to "accidentally" destroy the castle

• If Sean dies at some point, his unfinished business as a ghost is to kiss Laszlo

• He has very long feet, when he goes bowling with Mikey and Franky. They call him "Bozo", which is the nickname he chooses on the screen to play

• Sean suffers from sleep apnea, so he snores like a pig, and for the past few years he's had a CPAP machine

• In his teen, he sympathized with the Jersey Devil, but after the brain scramblies he forgot that he had become close to the creature

• Sean already asked Charmaine to do ASMR videos just to gain money

• He is stronger than Laszlo at chess

• He wrote plenty of Ocean's 11/12 fics on ao3. Charmaine corrects his spelling mistakes, and she's annoyed to see that her husband only writes sex scenes between men, she'd also like to see between women. His excuse : "I don't have a vagina, how the fuck I'm supposed to write the sensations of having one duh-"

• During a manic episode, he bought 6 Roomba to make an army of them

• He knows the Ocean Twelve lines by heart

• If Charmaine and Sean don't judge the clothing style of their neighbors it's because they probably had a goth period in their youth

• He is a reincarnation, just like Jeff/Gregor

• Jenna is the secret love child of the Rinaldi

• Although he and Charmaine have reconciled, they no longer sleep in the same room; because Sean has insomnia and gets up often to go out on the balcony and smoke his cigarette (which awakens Charmaine)

#wwdits #what we do in the shadows #wwdits sean #sean rinaldi #wwdits charmaine #charmaine rinaldi #wwdits hcs #wwdits hc #wwdits headcanon #wwdits headcanons #tw sex toys #tw abuse #kztpost

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thepringlesofblood · 11 months

Text

The Ravening War Heroforges

so I’ve made over 100 guys in Heroforge, and dimension 20 uses Heroforge as a tool when making their minis. this means that I’ll be going along watching and see our boy Raphaniel and go “oh shit that’s my favorite Tunica Skirt from the ancient Roman update!”

i decided to put this weird talent to (good??) use for any folks out there looking to make their own minis/fanart/whatever, and made Heroforge builds of our PCs, using all the pieces I recognized, or their closest equivalent. where I couldn’t find footage of certain angles, I went off the character art.

disclaimer: dimension 20 uses a LOT of resources other than Heroforge to make their spectacular minis (e.g. paint!). this isn’t a ‘aha i’m bootlegging the minis 1:1’ situation - there’s a lot of cool stuff on these gorgeous lil guys that isn’t in Heroforge, which I’ll try to note next to each one. these are approximations of potential base models, not exact copies - all kudos and respect to Shane Brockaway and the other amazing miniature artists on dimension 20 for their exceptional work on the minis this season!

let’s rock n roll!

a few things that are different on every build

color (obvs) - I still colored in each guy, mostly based on character art, but obviously the minis are painted (beautifully!)

food stuff - generally, any sort of food-y features (Deli’s toasty Leia buns, Raphaniel’s big ol radish head) are going to not be in Heroforge, for obvious reasons - I still tried to approximate the vibe, but our radish man is simply not going to be as wrinkly as we want him to be

poses - I put each guy in what I think the base pose was, but advanced posing is not an exact science. also, it takes a really really long time. mad props to the crew for some of these excellent poses!

faces - it’s really really hard to tell what face base they might’ve used on the minis. I chose primarily based on vibes and my best guesses. this means sometimes the face changes b/w different versions of the same character. it is what it is baby! also obvs the minis don’t have specific eye color so I went off the art.

Let’s start with the first battle!

Bishop Raphaniel Charlock (link)

Main differences

his big wrinkly radish head. he’s rocking the zuko season 1 haircut for now, and I tried to give him some subtle decal wrinkles. I tried just making his head bigger, but it made the face bigger too - think bobblehead, not megamind - so not the look we’re going for.

his crozier (the only hoe on Heroforge is me *badum tssssh*)

whatever is going around his neck on his chest - it’s all round and pretty and I do not recognize it. used a cowl instead.

the end of his beard - it looks all like roots and is very cool. I put what I think the starting beard was, but I can’t recreate those spindly lil roots w/out some serious clipping

Skald Colin Provolone (link)

Main difference

I’m not 100% certain those are his gloves. the ones on the mini are so much thicker! hmmmmm

I’m sorry about the beard situation. the mini itself has painted-on scruff so I just did a decal, but I’m aware it is. not necessarily as good a look up close.

Thane Delissandro Katzon (link)

Main differences

those gorgeous slices of rye. the crown thing on top of em isn’t in HF either. I used some swirly horns to approximate, though i was considering earmuffs. they looked too silly for me tho lol.

the toothpick - Detriter, as we now know it is called. I used a javelin and put a lil blue decal at the end to represent the frillies.

the shield - couldn’t find one with those random spikes of bone (nice one d20 crew!), so I used a scutum, a Roman shield of about the same size and shape, bc hey, he’s also Ceresian, which is based on Rome.

Lady Amangeaux Epiceé du Peche (link)

Main differences

the d20 crew has hair magic that I do not. also some sort of cute flower behind her ear, which I approximated with a broken off horn posed weird to look like a rose.

Karna Solara (link)

Main differences

the chili pepper hood w stem. I finagled a horn up there but it just aint the same.

the hair. idk what the d20 crew does to make HF show hair after a hood has been equipped but they crushed it.

2nd battle!

Archdeacon Raphaniel Charlock (link)

(i have this pic on my computer named “poor little meow meow raphaniel”)

this pose is a work of art unto itself. I can only hope to get in the vague aura of it.

same as before mostly - the hoe, the beard, and the big ol radish head. you can’t really see the mystery chestpiece anymore.

his head got so much bigger and saggier I felt like I had to give him something, so I upped the head size a few notches and gave him a little flesh beret with a couple of limp “leaves” coming out of it

you don’t really see it from the front, but there’s a shot where you can see the back of the mini and he has a lil book on his shoulders. iconic.

Sir Colin Provolone (link)

Main differences

I probably could’ve made him grimier, but I prioritized face scars. I figure since becoming a knight maybe he’s cleaned up a bit

it is surprisingly hard to get a heroforge person to frown or look sad

shhhhh dont look at the shoulder pauldrons too closely they’re fine its fine

fun fact: the undershirt that looked most mini-accurate was the pajama shirt. colin out here wearing PJs under his armor, who is doing it like him?

update: relistening to ep 1, I forgot we actually get a description of the Fontina banner (”a dotted mountain atop an island”)! so for funsies I gave him a lil banner on his back and attempted to recreate it, using the Dairy Islands banner as a background. go thru the link to check it out, I don’t want to attach yet another image to this monster of a post.

Warlord Delissandro Katzon (link)

Main differences

still those toasty slices o rye.

that glove. folks, that glove dealt me psychic damage, because it was on the very edge of my memory but I couldn’t quite grasp it, until I realized they probably added the spikes afterwards. also, I used the ol’ robot hand trick to make it look like he has like a metal gauntlet attached to it. (you replace one hand with an artificial robot hand in the prosthetics/amputation menu)

the decals I used to give him rye bread arms continue onto his chest more that they should (which you couldn’t see when he was wearing a breastplate) c’est la vie.

I couldn’t embed spiky things on the frilly part of Detriter like Lou said in the episode :/ they weren’t on the mini anyway at least

this pose is wild. I think I found the original pose they based it on, but I could very well be wrong. applause to the d20 crew for the sick look!

Amangeaux (link)

Main differences

she still has the flower in her mini, but now it’s on top of her bun - a good look! Alas, no hat options matched, and my mediocre posing-a-horn-weird-until-it-clips-through-the-head skills were not up to the task, so for the moment this HF build remains flowerless.

In her opening shot of the battle (which I included) you can see a big ol’ crossbow on her back, but it is removed in other shots (presumably, it is a separate piece they moved out of the way when she wasn’t using it). so, I did not include it.

fun fact: the rapier the mini is using is much thicker that how the rapier looks on HF. why? Bc most of the older HF sword designs are thicker, so I think they spliced the basket handle of the new rapier with the blade of an older sword, to make it more sturdy for play. or maybe I’m just misjudging blade-to-handle ratio - I’ve never actually 3d-printed any of my HF guys ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Skald Karna Solara (link)

Main differences

the scar - in the character art it’s one straight streak, but on the mini it looks like there might be more (it’s hard to get zoomed in enough to tell). I compromised with one main dark one, and then a lighter, more subtle one going the other way.

the way her burning hand is blackened as the fire rages around it...poetic cinema. transcendent. I used a splatter decal to approximate but seriously it looks so dope on the mini - look!

that’s all for now, lmk if any of the links dont work or anything. can’t wait for the finale this week!

#d20 #d20 spoilers #dimension 20 #dimension 20 spoilers #trw #trw spoilers #the ravening war spoilers #the ravening war #heroforge #art #fanart #original post

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comestopbylove · 2 years

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Hhhhh can we have flirty Izzy x oblivious reader headcanons where the crew has to give the reader a lil nudge so they finally get it?

Izzy Hands x Reader

(Readers GN, we got some wholesome BlackBeard, also my first HC so I hope y’all like it- much love GoatLady<3)

- Izzy likes to think he’s a straight forward person- he always makes his view and opinions known, that being said it was easy for The Crew to tell his feelings for you

-When he’s yelling and spewing insults at The Crew for not cleaning well enough or slacking it’s never directed at you, in the same breath he’s telling you what a great job you’ve done and asking if you need anything

-“Excellent work today y/n- at least someone knows how to do their fucking job” “You look thirsty, go get some water you’ve helped this lot enough”

-He liked the way you saw the things around you- you’re a fearsome pirate, but managed to be a breath of fresh air.

-He’d sit for hours on ‘breaks’ just listening to you talk about whatever you were interested in, and he remembered everything.

- after awhile you and Iz build up a friendship and that’s when the touching starts- casual of course but god does he cherish every bit of it.

-Usually he’d pull away at the grazing of hands or meet the linking of arms with verbal threats but god did every thing that you did naturally make him melt and there was no hiding it from anybody

-Except for the one person he wished would notice the most - you.

-His favorite memory was when after a particularly long day and every one was tired and in the process of bedding down for the night he’d noticed something on ur face. He removed his glove to get it for you, but couldn’t notice how well your face fit into the palm of his hand, how soft ur skin was, how pretty your sleep filled eyes looked in the dim moon light.

-“Goodnight, y/n.” He managed to choke out “G’night Izzy” you said with a sleepy smile. He slept well that night, because every thought and dream he had now envolved you.

- One night after dinner you elected to go help Roach clean up in the kitchen, abandoning ur spot next to Izzy and as he watched you walk away that’s when Lucius and the others swarmed

-Mostly picking at him and making fun of todays failed attempts of getting ur attention, some bad advice, everyone was to busy messing with (j)izzy that they were unaware that black beard had re-entered the room

-Out of everyone that had to watch the car crash that was Izzy’s attempts at your love it was Ed that had to witness the aftermath of every fail.

-Meanwhile in the kitchen, You and roach were washing pots and pans when the laughter erupted

-“I wonder what their bothering him about now.”you huffed shaking your head. Roach laughed and shook his head “I’m afraid it is not my place to tell you y/n” “No, but it is mine-”

-You and Roached both jumped a little (roach much more than you) at Ed’s sudden appearance. “Roach, why don’t you go join the others me and Y/n can take it from here” and Roach happily got tf out. Ed had approached the sink pulling his hair up into a bun and continued working on the pot Roach had abandoned.

-You and Ed discussed todays raid and laughed about the silly little British merchant aboard the ship. He talked about how happy he was things were slowly getting back to normal and you agreed to.

-After a while of comfortable silence BlackBeard spoke. “You know he likes you, right?” He tilted his head at you with a half grin and soft eyes. “Who?” “You’re kidding? Izzy- he’s head over heals with you!”

-And it all clicked. You’d stopped washing the dish in ur hand and just sort of froze leaving your hands in the dirty water.

-“I‘be been a bit of a moron haven’t I?” You asked “No- well, yah but we all have our moments, don’t we? I mean look what I did!” Both you and Ed Cringed at even the mention of the kraken and silently decided to sort those feelings out another day.

-“What do I do?” “Well, are you interested in him?” Ed asked in return “Oh god yes” “THEN GO TO HIM” at this point he was flicking water at you as you ran out the kitchen and out the dining room- it was considerably later than it was before and by this time he’d retired to his bedroom

-You frantically knocked on the cabin door and Izzy answered, his clothes in various stages of undressing

-“y/n! Is everything okay?”

-You immediately hugged him. You had one hand to the back of his head and the other wrapped around is upper back. He was at a total loss for words and just sunk his head into the crook of your neck and wrapped his arms around your middle.

-After awhile you pulled up and cupped his face “Izzy, I’m so sorry I was such a-” “No it’s my fault I should’ve just told you Dear it’s my fau-” you cut him off with the softest kiss this man has ever felt in his life.

-That night you both agreed to stay by the others side come hell or hot water before falling asleep on top of one another in Izzy’s bed

#our flag means death #ofmd #izzy hands #jizzy izzy #izzy hands x reader #edward teach #ofmd x reader #israel hands #anon submission #the revenge #the crew

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dwarvenbash · 3 months

Text

Dwarf Longbeards!

Definitely one of my top 3 favorite Dwarf units in Warhammer. I tried my hardest to match the feel of the excellent 6th edition designs by the legendary sculptor Colin Dixon as pictured in the bottom-most picture (the standard bearer in the center-left has been promoted to a Runelord), but I have quite a few quibbles with the newer plastic kit.

Even so, while my take on these old fogeys could maybe do with a couple additions to fill some gaps, I'd like to think I preserved some of that grumpy character to help them fit in with the rest of the unit!

As promised though, more complaining under the cut...

Now before I dive too deep into a screed of negativity, I'll gush a bit about the aforementioned 6th edition sculpts.

Colin Dixon is responsible for some of the best Warhammer Dwarf designs in my opinion, and absolutely nails all the elements that make them stand out from their other more generic fantasy equivalents. They are loaded to the whiskers with small details, from the iconic angular "ancestor" detailing of simplified dwarven faces on their weapons and armor, to accessories from beer steins to smoking pipes to rings on their fingers. Each miniature tells a story, and for these Longbeards especially it's like they're carrying a long lineage of heirlooms and history with them into battle!

One of the greatest parts of Colin's sculpts however in my opinion are how he poses his dwarfs. An essential element that seperated old Warhammer Dwarf designs from others were how short their legs were. Most of the time, a Dwarf's boots were all you could see on a miniature, the rest obscured by long-hanging chainmail or beard hair. While this did a great job of helping them have a distinct look, it also meant it could be hard getting more dynamic and characterful poses out of them; not so for these Longbeards, however! Unlike their more follicle-challenged kin, these old Dwarfs are not shown charging into the fray, hopped up on adrenaline. This is not their first battle, and you're sure to hear them mutter something about how that "back in their day" the orcs were nastier, and the ale tasted better, to boot! So to reflect this, they are posed at ease, resting on their great weapons like walking sticks, unimpressed, just waiting for the enemy to come to them.

Now, much like in the Dwarfen kingdoms of Warhammer, the new-fangled miniature designing ways somewhat pale in comparison to the old masterworks, which brings us to the new Longbeard model...

I'm not going to sugarcoat it; in my opinion, this is a terribly designed kit. The eclectic choice of colors here isn't doing this promotional image any favors, but the problems run a lot deeper than that. Designed to pull double duty as both Hammerers and Longbeards, this 8th edition kit saps all the uniqueness and character from both unit types in order to kill two proverbial Dwarfs with one stone. The kit is basically mono-pose: the head slots into the body in a very specific way, and the ball joint sockets for the arms might as well be for show. Jamming two different unit types into one kit also means there is no room for any interesting accessories or fun bits like (nearly) every other Dwarf kit has; there are only extra heads or weapons from the unit you weren't building in the first place, which in my opinion, have different enough aesthetics to warrant two separate designs.

Beyond the kit itself, though, the design you are left with after you put it together (if you follow the instructions) is egregious. Most glaring is the model's scale: these Dwarfs are for some reason far more bulky than any of their brethren, so much so that it's a challenge trying to rank these guys up on 20mm bases! (These 8th edition models I suspect are one of the reasons TOW moved their bases up 5mm) Their stupidly bulky armor, too, is bedazzled with this bizarre flowing curly-cue ornamentation that looks more like elven handiwork than anything Dwarf-crafted. Their helmets don't even have horns of any kind like the old designs, opting instead for an odd football helmet-esque look with these orbs on each side that I absolutely despise.

The worst offender might be the model's pose. While it might not be as bad when they are built with hand weapons, the great weapon pose has absolutely no character or energy behind it. I assume the idea is that they are supposed to be mid-march, but they look like they have about as much agency and personality as a chess piece. Embarrassingly, most of the Longbeard head option's beards barely even touch the ground! The one requirement to make this unit recognizable as what it is supposed to be, and they could barely manage that.

I will say the Longbeard unit champion in this kit (pictured front and center in the above picture) does maintain some of that original repose and character by virtue of leaning on his shield and great weapon, and in order to salvage this kit I relied heavily on these bits for my own Longbeards, which you may be able to spot in the initial photos.

That and some old reliable bits from the 4th edition Dwarf Warrior kit saved this build for me, but what stings the most about this new kit is that it is what two of the most iconic Dwarf units are stuck with looking like for most people for the foreseeable future. It has been kept in production solidly since 8th edition as an Age of Sigmar unit, and now with The Old World, it'll probably hold that course.

That being said, there's still a chance for some new developments with The Old World, as some units like the Dwarf Lord with Shieldbearers will almost certainly be getting new models. I'll keep my fingers crossed, but like any good Longbeard, I'll probably just keep sticking with the old stuff. :)

Thanks for reading this somewhat rambling editorial, I'll try to keep these constructive rather than full on devolve into GW-bashing all of the time (while that is quite fun...), but I had to devote some time to articulate why exactly I feel so strongly about this particular variety of Dwarf, as one does.

Not to end on a sad note, but Colin Dixon passed away quite recently, so if you have a moment, here is a very nice article memorializing his career as a painter and sculptor of miniatures:

#warhammer #warhammer fantasy #dwarf #kitbash #fantasy #tune in next time for a model with some actual paint on it!

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in-newjersey · 2 months

Text

So here are my thoughts on my first time seeing a live BMC production!

Making this non-rebloggable, I am not a real theater critic and I do not want to draw any attention to this actual cast on an anonymous blog to strangers on the internet

For starters, casting!

I respect the variety going on here and the degree of diverging from famous character appearance-tropes. Tiny Latino Jeremy who's as fit as a gymnast and can (and does) do acrobatic spin kicks sometimes? Love it. Plus-size butch-esque Brooke? 10/10. Genderfuckery long-haired Michael who gesticulates with a huge fan through most conversations? Hell yeah. Pink-haired Nirvana-grunge-style trans guy Jake? Now we're talking. Christine a head taller than Jeremy? Awesome.

I will not get too into describing actual real people on here much more than that but in general it was wonderful to see a wide range of character-actor types inhabiting these roles. As someone involved in The Fandom, even though I have frequently expounded upon the mutability of character traits per the text, you do still absorb a general idea of what the characters "look" like; so it was a fun twist to have literally none of the performers fall into those tropes.

I will also say - and this is not a read - that I am no longer going to assume I'm too old to play any of these characters, because I guess that's the magic of community theater lol

On to Thoughts, which I will loosely group by characters:

Rich was fucking awesome. Like I was impressed by the singing skill across the board, but this guy fucking killed it at every turn. I looked at my friend I went with after The Squip Song and we both were like OH OK. Rich also wore mostly KISS T-shirts? Like the shitty glam rock band? But yknow, work. Excellent voice (if casting were a little more 'stereotypical,' he probably would be an excellent Michael). Emotionally, he was on the more explosive side while SQUIPped, melting toward just charmingly cute once in 'real Rich Goranski' mode.

The aforementioned Jake was an interesting take on the character. Definitely leaned more into the kind of douchey side of things, but did at least at one point seem genuinely into Christine (although the actor was very much leaning into the interpretation 'yeah he has multiple interests and he honestly likes them all in the moment but gets bored quickly, and that includes girlfriends'). Is that kind of shitty? Yes. Is that a realistic take on what a rich popular 17 year old might be like? Also yes. Nirvana-fan Jake was not a concept I thought of before but I was down for it (though I discovered later on the cast instagram page that the guy playing Jake said that his version of Jake thinks Nirvana is a clothing brand which, like, galaxy-brain take lol).

THE SQUIP!!!!! Actually cycled through Keanu Reeves costumes, which I loved. Started out in Bill & Ted, then Matrix, then POINT BREAK of all things, before landing on a pretty-impressive-for-the-budget version of the light-up circuitry priest robe thing from the Broadway style. He had the hair and beard pretty close to present-day Keanu too, which made him both line up with the resemblance and seem significantly older than the other characters; voice-wise, this guy was clearly a skilled baritone, which meant his delivery on some of the more rock-style songs was a bit unusual, but not bad. This SQUIP was suave at the right parts but did NOT shy away from being scary: the 'take me inside you' part with Brooke during Upgrade was staged very menacingly with regards to how he was physically moving around/behind Jeremy. The Play was delightfully sinister, leaning HARD into the SQUIP as literally puppeteering everyone: saying their lines and moving his hands like marionnettes throughout, keeping things very creepy and villainous.

On the topic of the play, the fight choreography kicked ass. Mr. Reyes's ALL THE WAY TO BROADWAY rant was delivered while he yanked Jeremy off the ground by his shirtfront and then threw him furiously across the stage, genuinely concerning and upsetting to watch (especially as the SQUIP was miming the same actions and lines behind him, obviously in control of Reyes's body) (I literally said 'oh fuck' out loud when it happened and got a Look from the presumably-grandma in the row ahead lol). The fight choreography during Two Player Game Reprise was also solid: the guy playing Jeremy was FIT and did a lot of impressive acrobatic kicks and such, and the person playing Michael being a lot taller and larger worked well with letting him like bounce off, lift him up for spin kicks, etc.

And in general, I respected how much this production was willing to let certain moments be dark. The Play in general was pretty horror-movie-climax; I also respected that the costuming did indeed look like so-so high school mockups of a modern zombie movie. But the whole number was eerie, SQUIPPED character movements and voices became unnervingly smooth and robotic, and positioning the SQUIP as the puppetmaster in the middle, literally moving the characters around, just sold the whole thing wonderfully. Very appropriately leaning into the horror part of horror-comedy.

Similarly, Do You Wanna Hang? was scary. AS IT SHOULD BE. My friend who came with me compared it favorably to the car scene in the movie 8th Grade, where you're just On Edge the whole time you're watching. The actress playing Chloe did a good job with it, that's an uncomfortable thing to portray but she went for it and it paid off in the moment.

Chloe and Brooke had a fun dynamic: the styles of the costuming/performers did add some interesting dimensions. Chloe was, as usual, pink and perfect and feminine, head-cheerleader vibes; Brooke was short haired and dressed a lot more masculine. Brooke had a very earnest sense of vulnerability to her, and excellent comedic timing during Do You Wanna Ride and The Smartphone Hour, as well as just the minor background-acting moments. They leaned pretty hard into the 'Chloe will take things just because Brooke wanted them, because she likes that Brooke is always a little jealous of her, and thinks that that's friendship' and, like the portrayal of Jake: is that a shitty thing to do? Yes. Is that a realistic thing teenagers might do, especially poisoned by toxic ideas about femininity and power? Also yes.

Which is a good spot to add, the ensemble was small (4) but they were serving it. The band appeared to be octogenarian church volunteers (oh, yeah, this was at a church??? Wesleyan Methodists, so the cool liberal branch of American Christianity) so I will say that with what they had, they were making it work. It would have been served well by a second keyboardist and/or guitarist to do the trumpet parts (it was drums, bass, guitar, and piano). One of the ensemble members, a tall goth-femme person with hot pink hair, played the role of the theremin by doing the melodies in remarkable and ethereal bel canto. And honestly, work.

Jenna Rolan was fun: could belt for the gods, had some pretty-intense Crazy Eyes thing going on that really sold the comedic moments and made her appropriately frightening as the Final Boss in the squipped battle at the end, styled like an early 2000s-lesbian-coded-soft-goth best friend archetype. No notes, 11/10.

The actor playing Mr. Heere/Reyes/Stockboy did a fantastic job of making those three seem separate, and as I mentioned above, really made Mr. Reyes come to life in a dynamic way. Sidenote, this production changed all references to Hobby Lobby to Michaels, which I found both funny and appropriate. Fuck Hobby Lobby, we all hate Hobby Lobby.

Back to characterizations, Christine was sweet and straightforward. Not as quirky or dynamic as Stephanie or a lot of other actresses make her, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Very gentle and smooth voice, she just really likes theater and wants someone to like the real her. They went with ballet-style choreography to introduce her during More Than Survive, which is always a wonderful touch for the way the music swells. There were points where I think a little more creative movement or a wider emotional range might have worked well, but the take on the character was consistent.

I am going to keep that positive thread through the next sections: while I might not have agreed with the interpretation through the text, I do respect going in a starkly different direction to how most productions and fans usually take such things.

I have enormous respect for the performer playing Michael for radically making it their own. The cast bios had pronouns, and Michael's performer was they/she/he, which as a fellow they/she/he who would love to play Michael someday was rad to see. They kept the CREEPS shirt and a hoodie with a lot of patches (albeit a black one with red accents), but that was about it. Michael had light-up cat ear headphones and a huge black fan which he used throughout, alternated between baggy sweatpants or just a floor-length hippy skirt, usually high-heel ankle boots, and some kind of green bathrobe thing for The Pants Song? Characterization, again, respect for making such an iconic character so heavily different. This Michael was not....very emotional. He was usually snippy and sarcastic in a very erudite and matter-of-fact way, at pretty much all points in the show. Not a lot of emotional range going on: this is a Michael who is in some combination of 'doesn't give a shit' and 'not going to let this bother me,' which came off....interesting. The chemistry this created with Jeremy was a starkly different one than we usually see. The original productions - and most since, and the majority of fandom depictions - imagines a Michael and Jeremy who, at their core, love each other a lot. However that manifests of course varies, but you Usually get the impression that (even with a little bit of codependence), these two genuinely love each other and spending time together, which makes moments in the show either heartwarming or devastating to see happen between them.

Not these versions of the characters.

Which didn't make it bad, but it did shake things up. This Michael and Jeremy didn't give deep-love-friendship so much as they gave 'we sat next to each other in 1st grade and don't have other friends. so. I guess we're best friends, huh.'

Which is an INTERESTING and somewhat bleaker, but not unrealistic, take on them. That, sadly, summarizes a lot of friendships, especially at that age and with the sort of vacuum of suburbia on your social sphere (nevermind how a lot of society discourages boys from emotional connection with their friends; if anything, the fact that this Michael was definitely queer might suggest that Jeremy even pulled back emotionally because he didn't want to seem gay or give this Michael the wrong idea). It definitely sells Jeremy feeling lonely, even with his best friend hanging around. Two-Player Game came across a LOT better than I was prepared for - I have waxed about how it's a hard number to pull off - not in spite of, but almost because of this. Like, sure, they've played through this game a million times before, they know every beat, they love it like they love each other, right? even though they seem.....kind of bored. Or at least like they're waiting for something else to happen. College? Girlfriend? Different friends? Just wait two years. Whatever.

To get critical, I will say that this dynamic did not really help Michael in the Bathroom. The fight beforehand and the song itself did.....not really lend themselves to a not-very-emotional friendship between them. The singing was perfect, so not faulting that: it's THE big song of the show, so that's a lot of pressure and the performer had a splendid voice, but the snarky-not-caring-that-much attitude didn't quite do it for me - Michael didn't seem sad or upset so much as pissed off, but still fully keeping it together (despite the lyrics saying otherwise). Tonally, the 'wish I'd offed myself instead' just sounded sarcastic ("wow, SORRY I CARED AT ALL, could've just killed myself for all you seem to care" kind of vibes) THAT SAID, it was consistent with the rest of the characterization, so I admire it as a very specific acting choice. There were also characters on stage - presumably outside the bathroom door, listening in - that turned a good portion of MITB into a comedic number; as I have said before, not my personal take on how that should go, but the audience was laughing along with it! So that's the wonderful mutability of theater.

Strangely enough, this actually made Michael and Jeremy's relationship at the end of the story work out just fine? The SQUIP experience kind of sparked a "wow we really do care about each other, huh" realization from both of them. Again, mad respect for taking such a different approach to such a well-worn character relationship.

So, overall, I am very happy I got to see this. Love to support live theater, love to be surprised by a story that I thought I knew pretty well inside and out, came away with plenty to think and talk about. If you can, go support your local community theater!

#be more chill #soliloquy #michael mell #jeremy heere #christine canigula #jake dillinger #rich goranski #chloe valentine #brooke lohst #jenna rolan #the squip

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sebstan2020 · 8 months

Note

Roleplay with Bucky Barnes??

-🦛

Hey I hope this is what you are looking for and also sorry it took so long to come out. Before anyone comments, everyone in this fic is over the age of 18, I know school is technically under the age of 18 but its just a fic, its just the story line. Let me know what you think in the comments

You knocked softly on the classroom door, slowly pressing on the handle and opening the door. The room was quiet, except for the scratch of a pen on paper. Mr Barnes your English teacher was at his desk, marking away at his students papers, a firm grip on his red pen, eyes focused on the papers at hand, a slight crease between his brows. You held your book close to your chest as your entered inside quietly.

“Sir, you wanted to see me” you squeaked, nervousness in your voice. Mr Barnes looked up in surprise but settled as he noticed it was you.

“Yes, come in” he ordered softly, dropping his pen and getting up from his desk. You shut the door and took small steps over to him. Mr Barnes was an excellent teacher, although at times he could be intimidating. The day you first met him you couldn’t take your eyes off him. He had a strong presence and not to mention he was very good looking. You were finding it hard now to look at him as he stood tall and proud in front of you, dressed in a dark black suit, his hair slightly long and a beard adorning his jawline. He was a thing of beauty and in class, you couldn’t help but stare at him often. His bright blue eyes stared down at you, his lips pressed together. You could smell the hint of his cologne, rich and strong.

“I wanted to speak to you about your work, see how you are getting on with the assignments” he said, his voice smooth like butter.

“Oh, yeah I’m finding them okay” you shrugged, thinking nothing off it. Although judging by Mr Barnes’s expression, he wasn’t on the same level as you.

“Really… you’re not struggling with them or anything” he asked, a brow raising and you shook your head, gripping your book tighter to your chest.

“No” you answered and he nodded.

“It’s just I’ve been looking over your papers from the last few weeks and you haven’t been doing very well. Is there something I should know about” he asked with concern in his voice, his eyes slightly narrowing.

“No Sir” you answered, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. You were a good student, always handing in your work on time, never getting detention. You couldn’t think of anything that would be bringing you down. You spent so much time studying every evening and to hear you weren’t doing so good was a shock.

“Over the last few weeks your grades have dropped from an A to a D, that’s quite a drop. I would hate for you to fail this class” he said.

“I don’t want to fail Sir, I’m not sure why they are dropping though?” You said innocently. Mr Barnes hummed, nodding his head.

“Well I think maybe you would benefit from some extra help from me, I don’t want you to fail either and I think some extra sessions with me would really help you” he smiled and you nodded your head quickly. You’d do anything to not fail the class. You had plans after school and if you didn’t get the grades you needed then you’d have to find another path.

“Yes Sir, anything, I don’t want to fail and I’m hoping to go to college” you almost were begging and Mr Barnes smirked, nodding his head.

“Good” he pushed himself off the desk, strolling to the classroom door and locked it. The sound of the lock clicking made your heart beat faster and you wondered why he did that.

“You know, I’ve seen the way you look at me in class, hiding at the back of the classroom so you can stare at me” he teased as he strolled back over slowly. Your eyes widened as he towered over you, his strong cologne hitting you like a drug, intoxicating you. You were at a loss for words, swallowing a hard lump in the back of your throat.

“I bet you have all sorts of dirty thoughts about me, don’t you” he said staring down at you and you were about to shake your head… but it was true. You did have dirty thoughts, lots of dirty thoughts and you hoped he’d never notice. But over the last few weeks you grew sloppy, clearing watching him, biting your lower lip to tease him, purposely speaking to him in a soft girly voice to turn him on. Oh if only he knew the true dirty thoughts you had about him.

“Which means you aren’t really concentrating on your work are you? Your sat there thinking about me and all the things you want me to do to you” he began to circle you, his voice getting lower and closer and you swallowed again, hugging your book tighter and staring up with baby doll eyes as he came back in front of you.

“Aren’t you?” He asked and you nod slowly.

“Speak up, I can’t hear you” Mr Barnes ordered and a tingle went through your system.

“Yes Sir” you answered and he chuckled.

“Just what I thought. A dirty little slut in my class” he clicked his tongue, shaking his head.

“What am I going to do with you?” He murmured.

“Please Sir don’t fail me, I’ll do anything” you begged and he grinned.

“Good, because I think some one to one tutoring sessions will really help bring your grades up, don’t you?” He raised and brow and you nodded.

“Yes Sir”.

“Good” he snatched the book out of your hand ad threw it to the side.

“Now, you’ve been a very bad girl and I think some punishment is in order” he murmured and you felt the heat between your legs rise, your pussy dripping as the words fell out of his mouth.

“Punishment?” You asked and he nodded. In a matter of seconds, you were thrown over his lap, your skirt hitched over your ass and your little white panties around your ankles. His left hand was gripped in your hair whilst his right smooth over your ass.

“Now I want you to count each time I spank you, do you understand” he ordered, his hand trailing over your sensitive ass. You gripped his knee tightly for support, nodding your head in answer but a harsh smack came down jolting you.

“I can’t hear you?” He repeated.

“Yes Sir” you answered softly and he smirked.

“Good girl” another spank came quickly. You gasped as the feel of his hand smacking your skin was such a shock but also made you tingle inside, your pussy dripping with your juices. These were exactly the dirty thoughts you had about Mr Barnes, having him spank you over his knee, fuck you over his desk, have you worship him at his feet and suck him off under his desk.

“One Sir” you answered and Mr Barnes chuckled. He brought his hand down again, the smack echoing in the classroom and you moaned this time, the pain becoming pleasurable.

“Two Sir” you groaned, fighting your grip on his knee. Another spank came, his fingers hooking into your ass cheeks.

“Three Sir” your voice was turning higher.

When he got to the fifth spank, he moved closer to your thighs, spanking them harder. Your ass was bright red, tingling were his hand prints lay.

“Ten Sir” you winced, your thighs and ass completely numb.

“So are you going to be a good girl in my class now” he teased, spanking you harder.

“Yes Sir, I’ll be a good girl” you gasped, a tear almost coming to your eye.

“Are you going to pay attention in my class” Mr Barnes asked, his hand tightening in your hair as you began to fight back.

“Yes Sir”.

“Because I would hate for you to fail my class, wouldn’t you?”.

“Yes Sir” you hissed as another spank came down.

“This is what little sluts get when they start slacking in my class and I think a few more private sessions with me should get you back up to speed, don’t you?” Mr Barnes teased again and you nodded.

“Good, because from now on you’re my slut, and you will do what I say, when I say” a final spank came to the centre of your ass and you howled, gripping his knee and catching your breath. The whole of your ass was completely red, finger print marks along the edges were his fingers dug in, and a few bruised areas were he hit you hard. And then, his fingers crawled down to your aching pussy, slipping through the folds and sliding against the juices there.

“Look how wet you are for me, just dripping from being spanked, you like being treated like this don’t you” he whispered in your ear and you nodded.

“Yes Sir” you murmured, moaning as he swirled his fingers along your G spot, moaning softly. The tug in your hair only added to the pleasure you were receiving and Mr Barnes chuckled in your ear, biting the top of it between his teeth.

“Your mine now aren’t you” he whispered and you nodded.

“Yes Sir… I’m all yours” you answered and Mr Barnes grinned. You’d do anything for him, you wanted him to fulfil every dirty thought you had in your head. You were on the verge of coming, legs shaking and the pleasure between your legs getting higher and higher, when suddenly his fingers dropped and the pleasure floated away. You whimpered softly, wondering why he stopped.

“Only good girls get to come, you’re not there yet” he slapped your aching pussy, earning a yelp from you to which he smirked at before pulling up your panties and pulling your off his lap so you were knelt in front of him.

“Tomorrow I want you here after class, 4pm, do I make myself clear” he ordered and you nodded.

“Yes Sir” he took your face in his hands, pressing a soft kiss to your lips.

“Good girl… and don’t be late, otherwise there will be consequences” he said clearly and you nodded.

“Yes Sir” you answered and he smirked, cupping your chin and rubbing his thumb across your jaw.

“Good girl”.

#sebastian stan #sebastian stan fanfiction #sebastian stan smut

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twoheartswrites · 1 year

Text

You're an Android HC

Male Reader (FTM Friendly) x Hank Anderson

Fluff/long/Short Headcannon (Jimmy's pretty ooc, but it'll be fine. It's for plot purposes) Detroit Become Human

CW: There's like one hint of Hank being horny for you when he's drunk but that's abt it

With new laws being made for Android rights, Detroit was taking a turn for the better

It was rough, but it was improving

You felt safe for once as a 'Deviant'.

You freed yourself from your last 'owners', able to roam around detroit without being chased down and possibly killed.

Life free of being told what to do meant change and new hobbies.

and to pass time, you found yourself enjoying books

romance ones to be exact

Sometimes they're silly, sometimes they're absolutely entruiging

The feelings of betrayal, attraction, the pulling, the back and forth "Should I or should I not?" between the characters just pulls you in

On your new adventure as a free Android, you had to find a job.

Luckily, a bar owner who happened to feel pity on you and also found you a little bit amusing took you in

as long as you work at the bar of course

Jimmy's bar

It was your first night working there and you had just excelled the art of bartending.

You kept information of the new faces that came in and out of the bar, each of their stories being vastly different.

Soon, day became night, and Jimmy was ready to take his lunch break. The bell of the entrance door rang followed by heavy wind and a cold breeze that had entered the bar, and in comes two customers. Jimmy huffed, "[Name], you've got this one, right?"

I nodded, taking a towel and wiping away a stain I caught before the two new customers could sit down.

One of them was an older man, grey hair that reaches to his jaw, a rough beard, and blue eyes. He wore a black jacket and a blue scarf, snow already melting and wetting his clothes.

The other was an Android (RK800 #313 248 317 - 51). He wore normal clothes, not the presets given, but real clothes. Finally, a deviant of the night. You don't see deviants here since Androids don't find food or drinks necessary for everyday living.

"Look who finally got himself an Android worker!" The blue-eyed man chuckled, making Jimmy roll his eyes

"I'm on break meaning I'm not getting paid to talk to you right now"

Hank, now pleased with Jimmy's reaction, turns his attention back on me. "Scotch, Neat – served in a rocks glass at room temperature with no ice."

I nod, turning to the Android who gives me a knowing look. Right.

I get to work, preparing the drink, but I feel eyes on me. Aware, I side-eye the direction where I assume the starer is watching me from. Hank.

Connor got distracted, walking over to Jimmy, seemingly asking him innocent questions. I remember:

"This job comes with chit chat. Customer's talk, and they might wanna talk to you, so you gotta be on your feet. Listen to them, don't tell them things they don't wanna hear if you want them back here" Jimmy noted as I followed behind him

I finish the drink quickly, placing it in front of Hank. Knowing that the other customer's are minding their business on a slow day, I direct my attention to him

"Is there something you'd like to say?" I asked

Hank's eyes widened a bit before he chuckled softly and taking a sip from his drink, "Sorry I forgot you guys do that whole--" He pauses, pointing his fingers to my eyes, "scanning thing for people's emotions and stuff"

I smiled, leaning my body on the counter while I wait for Hank to keep talking, copying Jimmy's moves when he does this to customers. Hank looked over to Connor then back to me,

"So what's your story?"

Since then, you learned plenty of things about Hank

He's got a dog named Sumo, he's a lieutenant of Detroit City's Police Department, and he's so so-- attractive.

is this what those characters feel in those books? Because if it is, let's sign you up

Whenever he stops by, you feel this certain way for him

You get a little sad when he leaves, but knowing he'll come back is what drives you to wait for the next day

Jimmy and Connor also notice

Jimmy teases, poking light fun at how much you look like puppy around him

Connor on the other hand is a little more helpful, giving you details about Hank on Do's and Don'ts

Eventually, Hank notices the small things you do that indicate you have a crush on him

Like the light hand touching

The attention to him compared to others

the 'looking around when you think he's disappeared'

The excitement for him

And honestly? He doesn't hate it

for a guy who isn't a fan of affection from people, you seem to be an exception

I walked into work, seeing Jimmy already pouring a couple of glasses.

"Well well, if it isn't loverboy [Name]!" Jimmy announced teasingly, "We were just talking about you"

I shift my gaze over to see the people Jimmy's attending, and there he is- Hank Anderson, once again.

"What were you guys talking about?" I asked, waving at Hank. Hank on the other hand, looked panicked.

My led flashed a bright yellow at this or in 'Feeling' terms, there was a worried feeling at the pit of my stomach began to churn.

Hank glared at Jimmy, but Jimmy seemed too amused by this conversation, shrugging it off.

"Tell us, loverboy, how do you feel about Human-Robot relationships?" Jimmy smiled while Hank shook his head in defeat while Connor had his hand on Hank's shoulder

"I think," I glanced over to Hank before starting my thoughts on it, "that it isn't... wrong. It's a little strange seeing it since for the majority of the time, we didn't really get a choice in whether or not we could be in relationships or not, but for me? Personally, I wouldn't mind dating a human." I shrugged, looking over at Hank at that last part.

Hank was caught a little off guard by it before clearing his throat with a noticeable change in his features. He softened his eyes, his fingers stopped tapping the wooden counter, his attention fully on me...

Ever since then, the teasing went both ways

But when it came to the other's expense, it was a little funny.

Finishing a late shift, I was about to lock down Jimmy's place. The only customer in here being left was Hank.

Hank, by the day, was seeming more nervous and flirty at the same time. He would tell me pick up lines while not expecting me to give one back almost every time. I notice his silly grin and soft looks at me, and when he's really drunk, I sometimes catch looks of desire.

"So, it's just us now..." Hank muttered

"Yeah, and I'm supposed to close up shop soon" I sighed, grabbing the now-clean cups I had washed. Hank started to slip on his jacket as I walked away from the counter and over to him

"Where are you headed out to now?" Hank asked

"Home, my apartment is just a block down from here." I said, "How about you?"

"Well, I was going to do the same but I stayed late here to ask you something, actually"

"Oh? And that is?" I hummed, sliding my jacket on and smiling down/up at him. Hank froze, his hand fidgeting. I thought at first he wanted to grab something, but his hand backed away while the words weren't spilling.

"Hank?"

Hank looked down/up at me, having collected his remaining courage to kiss me right then and there.

I didn't move away though, instead I tugged at his jacket, pulling him closer as I let out a small sound of approval. We stood in front of Jimmy's Bar entrance, kissing in the snowy night while the streets were bare. The taste of cigarettes and alcohol stick, but I don't hate it. Knowing the taste, feeling his warmth... Maybe those silly romance books were right.

With time, Hank finally inched back and his uncertainties melted right off as he saw how happy I was. Hank smiled softly, his hands still in mine while we stood there.

Android or not, we still would've ended up in this very spot. The future has yet to be written for us.

#&.TwoHeartsWrites #DBH #Hank Anderson #Hank #Anderson #detroid become human #gay #x male reader #male reader #m reader

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very-grownup · 5 months

Text

Recently, I had cause to contemplate a serious question. It is the sort of question to haunt you at night, one that stumps the greatest minds of our generations; possibly all generations to come.

Which Vinland Saga character is most capable of raising a true alpha warrior elementary school age child?

NULL ARNEIHD

There is nothing that says a woman can't raise an alpha child, except for centuries of effective, logical, and morally superior patriarchal societies, none of which have suffered any demise, leading to our shining mantopia of the present day. But Arnheid is not the mythical woman who can do almost as good a job as the worst man. At best, Arnheid will teach your child how to take a punch.

25) BUG-EYES

We don't know much about Bug-Eyes, except that he let himself be taken as a slave and sold to an old man who refused to call Bug-Eyes by his real name. You don't want your child learning to accept anything but being the dominant party in a capitalist relationship or in the heated realm of name supremacy. When Hunter starts kindergarten, he should know better than to quietly accept demotion to Hunter J.

24) OLMAR

Olmar is the opposite of a capable guiding light for your soft pre-pubescent offspring. He has trouble lifting a sword. He is bad at riding a horse (the monster truck of the pre-industrial age). He grows inferior facial hair. He only kills people by accident. The only reason Olmar ranks higher than Bug-Eyes is he can teach your child the importance of being born into privilege and that as long as they have money, they're guaranteed to be superior to someone.

23) THE EAR

A nickname is acceptable if it relates to a cool physical trait or skill that makes you an essential part of a badass warrior squadron.

But there's nothing cool about ears. That's a nerd's body part.

22) RAGNAR

Ragnar looks like he should be an excellent teacher of alphaness. He can grow facial hair. He's survived the Viking age long enough to grow facial hair and lose head hair (baldness is famously alpha as you shed nature's cossetting helmet). His head is shaped like a bullet (a shape that's as alpha as eagles and penises). But Vinland Saga is pre-bullet. The shape of his head is meaningless.

Also, we know what happens when Ragnar raises a child. You should want better for your little bundle of bones and testosterone.

21) THORS

Thors has so much potential to rank higher. Physically he's the pinnacle of what your child should want to achieve -- tall, bearded, able to withstand being filled with so many arrows -- but philosophically he will only fail your child, at best. If you let Thors take charge of your impressionable youngster, some serious trauma and starvation-based amnesia will be necessary to override unhelpful lessons of pacifism, equality, mercy, and how farming is more rewarding than bashing skulls together until the brains of your enemy coat your hands.

And there's always the risk those beta cuck lessons will re-emerge later in life.

20) WILLIBALD

Willibald is a good intro role model. He's opportunistic, ready to exploit others for his own benefit, and a problem drinker: all great skills for your child to develop on their road to being a true alpha warrior.

Once your child starts learning to read, if they're being taught by Big Government's Woke Academy, they need to be removed from Willibald's influence because he will give them a bible.

19) LEIF

Now, Leif may not look like a great teacher of alphaness, but consider: he's ancient, having survived many sketchy boat travels, he's a successful merchant in a time when you had to put in the work, and he's pretty successful at bartering in exchanges that treat human beings as property. If your child is a physical failure in some way, like maybe they have a vagina or glasses, they should probably learn some lessons from Leif and, since they're soft, don't tell them that's the best they can hope for.

18) PATER

Pater was a slave and through hard work he was able to get all the way up to servant who is in charge of slaves. Pater may not be able to teach your child how to be an alpha, but he does serve as an excellent example of how anyone can pull themselves up by their bootstraps. You don't want your child to disregard that sort of thing completely; what if they need to take advantage of a grading curve one day?

17) EINAR

Einar is a slow learner. He lets family members be killed and his village be pillaged twice! He doesn't start unlocking the potential of hidden berserker rage until he's a slave. He's a powerful man and isn't going to ruin the example of his physical strength with unnecessary literacy or brains, but he never lets himself go full berserker and rip out a man's throat with his teeth. He also lets another man have the woman he likes; he doesn't even make him fight to possess her!

Einar is, at best, the substitute teacher who'll inadvertently show your child a movie The (NOT) Man thinks they're too young and soft to see.

16) FOX AND BADGER

No one wants to hear their child is less an alpha and more a second or third banana to a much cooler child. Fox and Badger can provide helpful guidance in that area and demonstrate that it's important, if you have to be part of a duo, to make up for the other's flaws. For instance, if you can't grow a decent moustache, find a man with a beard, but make sure he's shorter than you and has one of the inferior hair colours. In terms your child may understand: if they're friends with a kid who has a PS5 and they only have a PS4, they need to find a kid with a bad haircut and Nintendo Switch.

15) FLOKI

Sure, he's big and strong and a winner, but you know what Floki ultimately is? A fucking weasel bitch who thinks he's better than he is and prefers taking on people just slightly weaker than he is and engaging in backstabbing and traps.

These are all fine qualities for an aspiring alpha child, but not when your head is going to be used to teach basic geometry. If you child tries to emulate Floki, they're going to find themselves dunked on by a math teacher in high school.

Math teachers are the cucks of the teaching world.

14) KETIL

Like Pater, Ketil is a great mentor-figure if your child is an unpromising lump of human that fills you with shame and concerns about what that bitch Linda was doing while she was pregnant. Ketil is a true self-made man, in that he finds the identity of a much cooler dude and makes it his own. Wealth, security, reputation, facial hair, 50/50 on fucking out failure sons, and choice of enslaved women to fuck. Remember: it doesn't count as weakness if she sees you cry, because she's not a person.

13) THE PHANTOM HEAD OF SWEYN, KING OF DENMARK

In a way, the Phantom Head of Sweyn, King of Denmark, is an excellent guide to the world of alphadom. He's fucked enough to be riddled by so much syphilis, he's a land conquering war king, he's willing to pit his children against each other to determine which is more worthy of being his heir, and instead of showing traditional love, his children must content themselves with the real gift an alpha father can impart: not being murdered, yet. He's tenacious in his desire to continue imparting his wisdom to his younger son, as shown by being a Phantom Head haunting him for years after he's died.

He is just a hallucination of a dead man's severed head, though, and at the end of the day, if you've been raising your child with anything like real grit, they will use the Phantom Head of Sweyn, King of Denmark, as a soccer ball.

And then your child is playing soccer. Ugh.

12) SVERKEL

Sverkel is Ketil's ancient father who persists in living alone on his own patch of land, supporting himself with his own two hands and the hands of slaves, whose hands are his hands. He thinks his son is an idiot and his grandsons are idiots. He only shows begrudging affection to traditionally attractive young women and men who he views as superior to his own family members. He's basically the perfect man to entrust your young child to if you want them to grow up to be a strong, self-sufficient, emotionally closed off survivor.

Unfortunately, in our modern society, the skill of 'just not fucking dying' is only impressive when you're a billionaire or a war criminal, so your 21st century offspring will be as engaged in learning from Sverkel as they are in hearing about grandpa's time in [select age-appropriate American forever war].

11) ATLI AND TORGRIM

Like Fox and Badger, but better. Say, five better. Like Fox and Badger, Atli and Torgrim will teach your child the importance of brotherhood, teamwork, and combining power into a more deadly force. But fivebetter, because instead of a fat-one skinny-one team-up, Atli and Torgrim are true Vikings and ask "What if we were both just jacked blonde dudes with beards?"

On the route to becoming a lone wolf warrior alpha on the playground, make sure your child knows their best ally is someone exactly like them.

10) THORFINN

Entering the top ten, we finally reach series protagonist, Thorfinn. Thorfinn is in an unfortunate position. At one point in his life, he would have been, if not a great teacher, at least a great camp counselor for your child on their journey to sucking the marrow from the bones of those who fall in dodgeball. Once, Thorfinn let nothing stop him in his pursuit of climbing trees, walls, and adult men to end limb and maybe life with his knives and teeth.

Sadly, Thorfinn's life takes a dark turn, and he has cause to remember the lessons of his pacifist father. From atop a mountain of corpses, Thorfinn becomes consumed by guilt and sorrow. As an adult, Thorfinn would rather get punched in the face one hundred times than bite a single finger off a giant.

Unless you want to convince your child that Thorfinn died at sixteen in a cool Viking accident, the best lesson your child can learn with a teacher like Thorfinn is when you pick them up after their first day and whisper, loudly, while pointing in an exaggerated manner: "Don't be like THAT loser, Hunter."

9) CANUTE

Canute ranks higher than Thorfinn because his character arc is constructed in thematic contrast, to wit Canute goes from a soft, scared little baby boy with flowing blonde hair to a scarred king willing to torch entire villages for communication purposes, deny knowledge of old allies, subjugate anyone with assets he needs to strengthen his position, and poison brothers.

It's inspirational, aside from all the Jesus Canute puts in everything.

And a top tier alpha would punch his brother in the throat until he died and not use a sissy long game weapon like poison.

8) GARDAR

Now Gardar, Gardar is a real man. He's big, he has facial hair, we know he's fucked at least once, and he will go on a murder spree to get back what is his, even pushing past the point of death. The only thing you have to watch out for if your child is being taught by Gardar is that they understand murder sprees are best BEFORE enslavement, not after, and that they should never love anyone but themselves so much that it drives them to madness. Too much love for others can make you vulnerable even in your most murdery madness.

7) SWEYN, KING OF DENMARK

All the positive qualities of Sweyn's Decapitated Phantom Head, but with the benefits of a body and limbs. Even the most powerful child will not be able to use him as substitute sports equipment unless they first learn how to break kneecaps.

6) THORGIL

Thorgil is essentially a Viking marine played by peak Hulk Hogan. His muscles have muscles. His beard is blonde and luscious. He's killed many people, will kill more, and is incredibly hype about that killing. He has weird relationships with his family. I have confirmed there is at least one person out there with a workout inspired by Thorgil with the goal of becoming as jacked as Thorgil. He can swim and strategize and will never surrender. He rejects the weak control of fancy hereditary monarchy and embraces rule based on who can crush the most skulls simply by flexing their biceps (it's Thorgil). He's even good at using lesser people for murder-by-proxy.

Perhaps Thorgil's greatest flaw is that he won't be able to teach your child how to maximize their human pawn options.

And numbers. He definitely has a problem with numbers.

5) WULF

Wulf has a name that calls to all children who aspire to standing on a pile of unconscious classmates during recess. He's essentially a Viking gym teacher and Viking gym class has decapitation instead of skipping rope. He doesn't do embarrassing things like showing emotions and he's capable of understanding numbers in the only context where numbers matter (how much you need for successful slaughter of your opposition). He even looks cool. You'd play a guns and grit videogame with a player character who looks like Wulf.

He's kept from being top of the pile because he's a loyal retainer to a weaker man. That's okay, though. Your alpha child should aspire to becoming greater than even the coolest of gym teachers.

4) BJORN

You know what's better than your one cool gym teacher?

That guy, but he does drugs. Not bad drugs that make you introspective, cool drugs that make you even better at murdering. Your alpha child will need to learn one day about the benefits of performance enhancing drugs.

3) SNAKE

If there's one thing we know about alphas, is that they love selective interpretations of characters named Snake and this is another great Snake to add to the list. He's the leader of a band of mercenaries, which means he's a murder entrepreneur. He is stronger and smarter than everyone in his employ, which means he can never be truly challenged. He has a mysterious background, which adds to his cool mystique and is probably something he can impart to your child for playground reputation enhancement. He is literate but uses it to entrench himself in a position of power over others, showing that there are benefits to being able to read. If you spin it correctly, you can even use Snake's generally positive relationship with Sverkel as a way to teach your child the importance of respecting and attending to you, and only you, when you are old and infirm (you will never die or suffer any kind of negative repercussions for the way you live your life).

2) THORKELL

Thorkell is so cool and nearly the perfect teacher for your alpha child. He is easily the strongest man in the history of Vikings. He can use entire trees as battering rams. He is not slowed down or put out when he loses organs or limbs; in fact, he recognizes that injuries are badass and make you more powerful. He is a man who will impart in your child the need to constantly fight and destroy basically anyone who is willing to consider putting up a fight and to always pursue greater challenges. Probably your child's boring, non-Viking teachers have even used the word 'challenge' in some context when you've met with them and whatever they were talking about, you can bet Thorkell will help guide your aspiring muscle golem to destroying that thing. There are only two reasons Thorkell doesn't occupy the top spot on this list. One is that there's no indication he possesses dietary or exercise secrets that will help your child grow to be 8 feet tall.

1) ASKELADD

The other reason is that there's one man in Vinland Saga who has a track record of actually raising an alpha child, even if that child lost his way. Askeladd is all about tough love and killing sources of soft love. He's cunning, ruthless, and can get someone who wants to kill him to work for him for a decade. He knows how to gather important resources to be self-sufficient -- once you pillage, torch, and slaughter an entire village, their resources are your resources, after all. He's well-travelled, ambitious, and will carry a grudge forever, never hesitating to sacrifice weaklings in pursuit of his goals. His hands-off approach raised a malnourished child who hated him into the kind of boy who could run up enemies thrice his size and bite their fingers off. Imagine what Askeladd could achieve with a child eager to learn? /Your/ child won't fall into a pit of numb despair and skeletons that leads them onto the path of peace like some kind of loser.

#vinland saga #weeb shit #serious lists about serious lessons

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ineffably-human · 2 years

Text

Okay. [cracks knuckles] Let's do this.

"never beat him at anything"

Already this isn't secretly describing Guillermo. Guillermo beating him in a fight earned him a marriage proposal. He starts this list after he's bested in a fight specifically, which is meant to invoke that confrontation - and remember the fight was "what [he's] been waiting for." So we are not looking for Guillermo in this list, or if we are, we have to be selective to do it.

"humble"

I mean, Guillermo CAN be humble, or can at least humble himself. He didn't walk around with a secret enormous ego all those years. But he loves being flattered and given positions of power, he knows his worth and likes it being vocally appreciated. (Y'know who isn't humble basically ever? Nandor.)

"an excellent listener" I think he is, actually. You'd have to be, to be any good at his job.He once very clearly complained that Nandor wasn't listening, because Nandor wasn't. Listening was, at one point, not a Nandor strong suit. "not petty"

They both can be this, for sure. Guillermo moreso. Usually when he's jealous. "or slovenly Neither of them. Slovenly dude is being walked towards the djinn execution room over this line, though. "or vain" Another thing that is VERY Nandor and can sometimes be Guillermo, but not appearance-wise. 'Slovenly' and 'vain' are contrasts, too. Because Nandor is trying to describe perfection.

"or manipulative" THIS is Guillermo, but it's a recent trait and it's kind of from necessity. At this point Nandor's leading four different people down the hallway that presumably correspond to these traits, all to the djinn coin room. "never asked [him] to shave off [his] beard" Only a madman would do such a thing. But clearly at this point we're not looking for 'these are all things Guillermo has done,' either. Background dialogue: 'This guy I don't trust.' (In what? But Nandor clearly trusts Guillermo.) 'This one never learned to read.' (A little unfair but sure, wants education, good conversation..) 'I like her but she's so much smarter than me.' (Again two contrasting things, and a hilarious side-eye from Guillermo at this line that also looks a little worried. Because Nandor's clearly all over the place, or because he's gonna have to look hard to not find anyone smarter than him? You decide!)

"warm, and wanted to be with [him]"

This is Nandor's insecurity again, it's about his own desirability to the person. Contrasting images in the montage: a woman literally shivering in the pool next to him, because he has no body heat, and a guy (one of the Dalals) who clearly is not into him and vice versa.

"kind"

I do think this describes Guillermo, for more please see [gestures to wall of Guillermo apologist meta]

"a good haggler"

When the hell would Nandor have seen this in action during his living years, when he led a country/army? Guillermo seems pretty decent at this though. Something to watch out for in the actual Night Market.

"never borrowed [his] boots without asking [him]"

Nandor, honey, do you even want to get married? (No. No he doesn't. Not this way, anyhow.)

"merciful"

Applies to Guillermo. Applies IMO to modern Nandor who seems to value it. Does not apply to Nandor The Relentless Who Is Pillaging Everyone You Included. Also not sure when he would have had an opportunity to see this in action.

"horny"

Give Guillermo a few rounds with a British starter boyfriend, Nandor, I think he'll get there.

"had a sense of spontaneity and fun"

Applies to both of them, I think.

Okay, so this isn't all describing Guillermo or his opposite. Some of it is describing the opposite of Nandor, some of it is countering anything that might challenge or inconvenience him. But this person isn't anybody, like it's not even a made-up version of a person. They almost certainly didn't exist.

The episode hands it to us, actually. The one thing he remembers is that his love had long dark hair. (He could've just ruled out anyone who didn't without summoning them, but nope.) At the end, when fucking with Marwa's hair, he says he always imagined his wife would have blonde hair. Then he immediately changes his mind, ultimately taking it back to how she started while not being fully pleased with it, saying nothing is too good for his 'perfect wife'. Because he's gone from a supposed memory of true love to a fantasy of perfection, and he can't land on what 'perfection' means to start with.

Nandor didn't want to get married until five seconds after he asked Guillermo to be his best man, and he didn't want it to be this mysterious past love until he realized he could resurrect old romances. What he really wants is to cover up loneliness with a new endorphin high as soon as possible, because Guillermo is so close to walking out that door the minute these made-up tasks run out, Nandor can feel it. And this is how Nandor deals with feelings.

#fandom: wwdits #what we do in the shadows #otp: nandermo #i am a meta gremlin

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