#also the effects are fucking TERRIBLE

[keymintt]

life doodles

#art #me #comics #my art #doodles #in regards to that last one there are mats on the floor i'm not getting slammed into like. concrete #oughgh i need to dye my hair blue again that doodle's old #but also i need to cut it hdsgklhdfl that's gonna be tonight's task #using my clippers for the first time wish me luck #i've cut my own hair before but to the effect of like. trimming a haircut to what i /actually/ wanted #went to the barber months ago like 'hey can you cut my hair' and when he was done he was like 'i gave you something more feminine!' #like! i appreciate the time you took! that's not why i came here though! i kinda want to curl up and die abt that! #he also gave me an undercut. which. i don't look /terrible/ with an undercut but imo the line between a bowl cut and an undercut is razor #fucking thin. also i asked for the length to be blended and showed pictures but who knows i could just be a dumbass for all i know #gotta do it yourself if you want it done right. queer rite of passage or smthin idfk #ANyways hope y'all are doing good

[tereesz-machejek]

Lemminkäise entroponetic disaster zone, Katla

#sacred and terrible air #püha ja õudne lõhn #pjõl #the pale #elysium #disco elysium #(fuck it. disco tag for visibility.) #pjõl spoilers #sacred and terrible air spoilers #i guess #ok but seriously‚ blacklist spoilers if you don't want em #i sketched this for a caramelldansen meme originally #idk if im ever gonna finish it #but at least i have this #i liked the simple little pale effect i'd made so i wanted to clean up the drawing so it's postable :) #also i didn't wanna color it lol #girl help the pale is gonna be here in like half an hour #also. why are these forests above the winter's orbit? fuck if i know‚ ask kurvitz 😭 #my art

[mallgothed]

ok… season 3 episode 20. what the HELL was all of that about. house pretends to be interested in buying a condo so he can interrogate wilson’s realtor ex-wife about how and why she fell in love with wilson. yknow like a normal guy would. but then later she yells at house and says that he broke up her marriage to wilson and that their misbehaving dog’s name is a reference to him. this is the same dog she’s trying to get wilson to adopt btw. also wilson and cuddy accidentally go to a bdsm photography exhibit while the ex compares house to wilson’s dog. THIS EPISODE IS CALLED HOUSE TRAINING. david shore when i get my hands on you… 

#this is all doubly insane because the A plot is a genuinely gutwrenching exploration of foreman's relationship with his background #and how his need to prove himself can have a terrible effect on others #meanwhile house and wilson are doing whatever the fuck this is #house md #hatecrimes md #gregory house #james wilson #also i imagine we;re supposed to think house is doing all this because he likes cuddy and he's mad that she's hanging out with wilson #but cuddy's in this episode for all of like five minutes. so what the FUCK

[fogwitchoftheevermore]

sorry i’m so fucking normal about hivemind!decem being basically confirmed with the latest installment. do you ever think about how legundo’s greatest want in this prison is a friend. do you ever think about how the one request that he ever made of decem was that he not be alone next time. do you ever think about the noble saying she worries about him forgetting himself and the fact that he collects the “unique” (pink sheep) to try and have a friend in these worlds because it’s all he’s got. do you think about the noble saying she could make him thousands of his most desired companions. do you think about the fact that they want their brother back. cause i do. i sure do.

#space rambles #100 days multiverse #i wasn’t gonna maintag this cause it’s embarrassing rambles but. whatever. i want to. #cringe is dead we’re all minecraft fans #plus like half of the 100 days fandom is following me already so. #like i cannot stress how much i do not like decem. i cannot stress that enough #i think they’re shitbags #HOWEVER #i sympathize with legundo and as a side effect i sympathize with his terrible sibling hivemind #doesn’t mean i like them or think they’re the ‘good guys’ in any way #i just think they tell us the things they do because they KNOW it makes them sound sympathetic #but there is So Much they aren’t telling us #and that really only the warrior scientist+philosopher have given us hints of #philosopher because she seems to genuinely think One Big Hivemind is a good thing and we’re just brainwashed for not agreeing #warrior+scientist because they also seem to think it’s a good thing and because they kinda give no shits about doing bad things from what i #can tell lol. scientist will do unethical experiments to their heart’s content and warrior will destroy entire realities for fun. yknow #this got off topic #point is. fuck decem fuck one big hivemind #but i will admit your pleas for sympathy worked their magic on me

[cyrsed]

#dead space #reblogging appreciated im genuinely very interested #i typically do 3 #sometimes 4 #plasma cutter + something short range + something long range #usually flame thrower/force gun + pulse rifle #i don't like the contact beam or the line gun that much bc they're too powerful lmao #altho the line gun's alt fire in the remake is soooo satisfying #but also i've watched a lot of people play the remake and i kinda feel terrible for the people who go in blind and #end up carrying every single weapon they pick up with them sdflskdj #that's a serious downside to the way they did it in the remake vs in the original where you had to buy it imo #like. i like the change for the remake a lot it's really cool to just find the weapons around the ship. that's sick as fuck #but i think it might confuse new players a bit and some people end up constantly out of ammo and having to switch guns #maybe that's the intended effect. i mean it's survival horror and all lol. but to me it looks absurdly frustrating #but maybe there's people who prefer to play that way? maybe im being judgemental lmao #but for the people playing blind i think they'd benefit from knowing that you can store weapons + ammo won't drop for stored weapons #polls

[tj-crochets]

I am once again in insurance hell, so let me reiterate: Aetna is the worst health insurance company I’ve ever had to deal with. Avoid it if you can. 

#the person behind the yarn #tj is in insurance hell #swearing #fuck aetna #they won't cover my damn inhalers #and I keep getting calls and emails from their customer service team #because they keep sending me damn surveys #and I keep filling them out #and rating them poorly because surprise! their service is terrible! #they are not covering a single damn one of my preventative medications #well. they are covering singulair #so they are covering a single damn one #the only other medication they are covering is my fludrocortisone #which is....not really a preventative medication? #I mean it improves my quality of life SIGNIFICANTLY #in that I am able to be upright and conscious most of the day now #but it's not like...preventing allergic reactions or asthma attacks or anything #hm. not sure where the line is there #but also it's a long term steroid so if any of my meds are likely to have significant long term side effects #it's that one. that one is likely to fuck me up long term #and they cover that one no problem???? #I mean I am very glad they do but what the fuck #cover my damn rescue inhaler

[sad--tree]

well shit. just checked out the lineup 4 bluesfest this year and i may have 2 actually brave the crowds 4 once. there might just be enough ppl id wanna see to make it worth it, altho tbh matthew good is almost enough for that on his own lol coz like. matthew good!!! that's the music of my freakin childhood man!! (*the most canadian sentiment ever)

#but also: ben howard; orville peck; charley crockett; mother mother #and of course. motley fucking crue. for some reason. i mean why not right? lol #ftr no i dont know why its called bluesfest when theres so much non-blues. they DO have blues its just. theres a lotta other stuff. #idk. perpetual mystery here in the nations capital. #i REALLYYYY wanna see matt good tho i was supposed to in 2020 and he CANCELLED instead of rescheduling like every1 else 😭 #still might go to mtl in april to see him tho. festival sets are just Not the Same lbr #NOW i just gotta see if any of the artists i wanna see are on the same days..... pls..... so much more cost effective.... #my whole life ive lived here and ive never been 2 bluesfest. maybe thisll be the year that changes #hmmm. $280 for a 'pick any 3 days' ticket is Not Bad At All.... definitely gonna b Pondering this further.... #tho $410 for a full pass is also not terrible. relatively speaking bc tgats is still Not A Small Amount of Money #not sure the full lineup is worth that 2 me tho #HMMM #anyways hey bluesfest. why the FUCK is your website so bad my god the scrolling lag good fucking lord. what the fuck are u DOING back there #also also. on the topic of music festivals. i KNOW its not coming back but.... heavy mtl return W H E N 🥺😭🙏🔥 #i just. wanna go 2 a metal music fest. w/o breaking the bank and/or subjecting myself to festival camping. which i refuse 2 try by myself. #not that we really have that sorta festival here at all but it seems the Really Big european ones are like that and uhhh. #it just seems like A Lot to do that solo. for a first time doing smth. #ANYWAYS !! still contemplating whether i want 2 spend altogether Too Much Fucking Money to see metallica and iron maiden later in the year #like on the 1 hand its A Lot Of Money plus id have to travel (edmonton 4 metallica; mtl or TO 4 maiden) #on the other hand. those guys arent gettin any younger. and the FOMO is unfortunately real af when u never know if theyre gonna retire #or like. DIE. (ok ok or like. idk break a hip or smth lol) ( they arent THAT that old just. u kno. fear.)

[piplupod]

head in my hands. i promise i am not a scary unhinged person fdsgjkl, and none of my silly happy posting is fake, i am just very good at repressing and partitioning things. i can be having the worst day of my life and still enjoy jokes and be genuinely having a good time with my silly little characters and stories i come up with. this brain LOVES to section off shit that is genuinely unbearable (because how else do you live with that? if not putting it in a place where you cannot feel it?) so that i can cope and find joy in life still fsdjkl i simply love having a good time too much to ever make it up

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #i want to make friends and be a pleasant person to be around so badly but fhdsjkl then . this household hurts me as it is wont to do #and i have a small breakdown here bc it all feels so awful and i feel like if i keep it locked inside and hidden i will actually CrackTM #and then i feel like that is . well. understandably! a lot! for other ppl to see #and it is very upsetting and scary and awful to read. i know. im so well aware fjdskl #but also augh. augh augh augh. i try very hard to not post abt things as much as i humanly can avoid doing so #but i am very silly and fuck up my own rules for myself when i have a particularly bad experience w mother o' mine #i am worried that if i say anything to the effect of ''life is terrible and i am straight up not having a good time'' #then it makes all my other posting look disingenuous or smth. i am literally just posting what is on my brain currently when i post stuff #and oftentimes my brain is like... a silly little swirl-patterned rubber bouncy ball with a happy face on it HDSGJKL #that is like... a lot of my whole deal as a part of the brain fsdfjkl #even with all the grief and upset i can still have a good time bc we stay silly !!!! by god we stay silly through it all !!! #i will shrug my shoulders and say ''ah well what can ya do!'' after getting screamed at or told i'm a disappointment to the family lmfao #because honestly... what can you do dsfkl it is what it is and theres rly nothing i can do about this all #anyways i am talking toooooo much sorry fdsjgkl once again i will delete all this later so i dont upset ppl too much dsjkl augh augh sorry

[femmeidiot]

I also really want to try to have an edible again sometime soon I was thinking about tomorrow but I'm worried because I've been having issues with like sometimes I basically have like hallucinations? Or I remember things that are triggering? Or some combination of both things? Also was dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts. But then sometimes I'm also fine but it's like idk what to expect so it's kind of scary? I spend a lot of time being scared lately and it was getting better but I'm worried it'll get bad again.

#I think some of it was when I started taking my lexapro again #I was sober other than taking my prescription meds but I was having like insane scary thoughts #my mind was a terrible place to be and I couldn't escape it and I don't know if I could handle feeling that way ever again #I'm also SO BAD at paying attention to how I'm feeling and stuff and I'm bad at telling is something is a side effect or just like my brain #naturally doing something fucked up #same with my body it's like idk what normal is and I can't put two and two together to realize it shaky cause I haven't eaten #so how the fuck am I supposed to be like my brain is doing insane things because I'm on medication #anyway super sorry I'm like diary posting extra vulnerable stuff I should look for a therapist

[grymmdark]

my sister just dropped a whole rant on how she's not gonna vote in the next election and how everything is fucked politically etc. and it was all so depressing and nihilistic i just dont know how to respond. like yeah that stuff sucks i agree but giving up isn't gonna make it suck less.

she went on about how if the republicans do win that'd somehow make the democrats actually get their shit together when in reality it wouldn't cus it'd only make them look better without having to put the actual work in.

and yeah unfortunately the Democrats know that people will vote blue no matter who and so can get away with shitty and mediocre candidates, but part of the issue is that the democrats have so little power that people dont get to be picky. if people didn't have to scramble for whatever democratic candidate to attempt to stop republicans, and instead we could be more confident that a democrat would get elected then they could get to be picky.

#grymms spectacular fucking posts #i really do get where she's coming from in terms of not wanting to vite for biden but the thing is if he's the dem canidate then it's eithe #him or trump probably. and biden is terrible but trump is so much worse. not just in himself but also his supporters both in and outside go #if he wins we're guaranteed fucked. if biden wins we're slightly less fucked #we're fucked either way but still #i was also hit by how different our worldviews actually are during this conversation. like we're similar in both being trans and disabled #but those things effect our outlooks and experiences in such different ways #like i feel like those parts of me help me understand the world in a broader way and therefore help in a broader way even if they also do #make me oppressed. i find joy or at least strength in some way in these parts of me #but she just kinda is isolated by them. and i am too but not nearly as much mostly because i fight against the idea that i have to be #isolated by them and that the world is always cruel to people like me #it kinda reminded me of the ''you are a tar pit'' thing but in a different way #like idk how to put it but being stuck so far in ones own depression that being around them is inherently depressing i guess #like a tar pit. sucks you in

[loserchildhotpants]

i have had a bad day

#melanie lives #my vibes have been rancid all day #friend is upset w me and won’t tell me what I did that upset them #fear response is strong!!! #also I’m hella fuckin poor #it’s gonna be like $600 for my fuckin neuropsych testing #therapy has been effective lately which also means I’m feeling skinless and fucked up #dreading Mother’s Day which my email is reminding me of every day #merry has another 6 week round of antibiotics and painkillers to go and idk how to afford that either #and I feel terrible that he’s in discomfort and I can’t fix it #ugh feeling defeated and Bad

[selenealwayscries]

no energy for regular art so goodtimes be upon ye 

#mcyt #hermitcraft #hermitblr #goodtimeswithscar #gtwscar #i love him but im also just rotating him in my brain most of the time #cuz i still havent started watching his pov and im really busy lately so its not gonna happen soon :( #elf boy our beloved amirite #goodtimes be upon ye #i still don't know how to do digital art btw im just bullshitting #fucking around and finding out one might say #literally any good looking effects i end up with are accidental #also at this point i might as well consider strawberry as my main diet #like . dinner . occasional breakfast and lunch . and strawberries #my 4 meals #terrible for anyone whos malnourished #and thats exactly what i am aha #*trips down a flight of stairs and stays in the fallen over position* #anyways i need sleep lol bye

[azumanga]

I will admit that the eye vacuum has grown on me a bit but after slowing it down I’m just baffled by how fucking bad this looks

#saw x spoilers #rambling in tags #CGI blood is always terrible why do people still use it #This could have been done just fine—albeit with a few changes—with practicals #I get that the vacuum aspect of the trap matches him being a custodian + I know it was just a daydream but #when I first saw a picture of the trap itself I was expecting like acid or something to be poured down the tubes #That would have been way fucking cooler and also it would’ve felt more like a SAW trap #I know I shouldn’t expect much from the tenth installment of a mainstream horror franchise that’s been milked to death #but the problem is #the earlier SAW movies are fucking renowned for their practical effects #The pendulum trap still fucking blows me away in that regard. Insane how they made that work #So when SAW uses really shitty CGI like this or like the laser collars then I can be disappointed! #eh… at least the gigli saw and brain surgery trap fucking rock… #journal #saw #horror #gore

[bi-demon-ium]

i think if curtain ever did get close to a redemption arc in the show--as in, he truly felt some measure of remorse or regret, truly realized he may have actually deeply fucked up and/or just. been wrong, in general--like. there’d just be that moment of like. but i’ve gone too far to turn back now. it’s too late. no one could possibly forgive what i’ve done, so how can i stop? and then like. im just thinking about that excellent speech in the zygon inversion where twelve says “you’re all the same, you screaming kids--look at me, i’m unforgivable. well, here’s the unforeseeable: i forgive you! i forgive you. after all you’ve done. i forgive you.” and like on one hand every single part of me wants so badly for nicholas to say something to this effect, and that does work, but to be fair, not everything is his to forgive--i wonder if it would be more effective coming from sq? or thematically appropriate coming from reynie? whatever the case i just think if somehow we could believably arrive at the point where curtain honestly thinks he was wrong, even if he’s still trying to be cold about it and keep going bc it’s “too late to turn back now” i just think like. well, here’s the unforeseeable: i forgive you, after all you’ve done. i forgive you. idk just feeling a little emotional about that is all

#no fucking idea if you could realistically while keeping with his character make it believable that he's actually convinced that he fuckedup #but like. if you can #ooooooof #i think it's most emotionally effective coming from mr benedict #but also sq wouldn't be terrible but only if sq has already 'switched sides' so to speak and realized what a bitch his dad was to him #but also reynie would be very thematically/narratively appropriate #anyway in tears. #or hey also an interesting idea: constance #hm #anyway #ld curtain #mr curtain #mbs disney #the mysterious benedict society #mysterious benedict society #mbs #tmbs

[maddestmewmew]

and actually another thing also as a person w bpd im SICK of people pretending they are ALWAYS the victim bc of their disorder. no actually telling someone youre gonna kill yourself bc they left you or didnt respond is ALWAYS a bad thing, REGARDLESS of mental illness! its not cute or quirky to threaten yourself or others for ANY reason, and there are ways to explain the effect your illness has on you without putting blame on others for not being there 24/7!

#and im saying this as someone who used to handle my illness VERY wrong. as someone who did some fucked up stuff bc of my bpd. i can admit i #was shit and i never ever want to be that person again . but yk what i DIDNT do? flaunt my mistakes on social media like it made cool #i faced the consequences of my actions and i Improved. some of yall need to do the same. bc not only are you fucking yourself up. not only #are you negatively effecting your loved ones. you are also very much so!! normalizing it for others!! making it harder get better! #jesus christ i fucking. UGHHH i hate the way bpd is treated online. #youre either inherently a terrible person or can only ever be the victim. i hate it!! i am a PERSON. i am capable of Good AND bad. #ive DONE both good and bad. as ALL people have! #eurghh. slutever.

[padfootastic]

I’m loving the discourse here about Sirius fanon (mis)characterization, and I just wanted to add, if we take canon situations which point to Sirius’ impulsiveness, they are - going after Peter in 1981, his attempts to break into Gryffindor tower and coming back into the country when Harry’s scar hurt. I did not include going to the DoM because I don’t think this was impulsive, unless Remus, Tonks, Moody, Kingsley and Dumbledore going to the DoM is also called ‘impulsive’. His godson was in danger, he had a far better reason than the others (including the Aurors still on Ministry payroll, pretending to be supporting Fudge) to go to the DoM. If we look at the other examples, we can see that the main reasons behind his actions are usually (in no particular order) grief, love for his godson, and trauma. In fact, we know that despite his grief, he even tried to take Harry in 1981. It was only when he was denied by Hagrid (Dumbledore, really) that he goes after Peter.

I completely agree that the big deal made out of his ‘recklessness’ and ‘impulsivity’ in OOTP were completely out of the blue. What really frustrates me about that is also that neither Molly nor Hermione ever apologize for their comments or behavior. I’d have liked to see Molly acknowledge she was unfair to Sirius, because she was panicking about her family being in danger, or Hermione acknowledging that she was passing judgement on Sirius because she had no idea what she was talking about when it comes to PTSD or trauma. Fans are quick to forget that she’s equally as clueless about how to deal with Harry’s PTSD in OOTP, but somehow all of this disappears in time for HBP, and everyone ‘moves on’.

The only person who truly understands Sirius (as much as he can, when dealing with his own trauma) in OOTP is Harry. Remus’ nonchalance at keeping Sirius imprisoned in a house with his worst childhood memories is also baffling. Actually, Harry’s reactions are most often a parallel to Sirius’ reactions - Harry running after Bellatrix, like Sirius went after Peter, after the death of the only family they had. But, Harry’s actions or reactions are always portrayed in a heroic light, they are always because of his love, or saving-people-thing (an oversimplification from Hermione that also frustrates me). JKR’s bias in her portrayal of Sirius is obvious, and fans seem to have run with the caricature they made of Sirius in the movies and in Hermione and Molly’s OOTP words.

hello anon! 💜 you and me both, tbh. i hadn’t quite realised how many people were disgruntled with sirius’ fanon self so its quite fun for me to see all these interpretations.

re the DoM, i thought this was a wonderful post analysing why it wasn’t reckless of him to go, like u said.

re the other things, definitely—loyalty, love, trauma, and grief make up so much of his core traits/responses. people like attributing selfishness/recklessness/immaturity to his decision to go after Peter but i don’t agree with them tbh. he’s just lost his james, he’s in a haze of grief and anger and guilt, and along comes a person who takes his godson on the orders of someone who’s the leader of their side in the war. why wouldn’t sirius, who’s deferred to the order before (harry’s bday), listen? especially when it gives him a chance to go after the traitor? it’s not a stretch, or arrogance, to think he’d be (the only one) capable of catching peter—no one else knows about the switch *and* the animagus thing, after all. it’s entirely possible for him to think about it in terms of neutralising a threat tbh. and iirc, he didn’t even go after peter to kill him or wtv? i’m pretty sure it was firstly a ‘how could u do this’ endeavour but also he’s morally against that kind of violence, isn’t he?

and yes! it frustrated me sm that the narrative itself justified molly and hermione, even when they’re categorically wrong (atleast imo). i’m pretty sure sirius’ arc (and james, to a lesser extent) is why the ‘show, not tell’ thing has made such an impression on me because jkr told us a whole lot about sirius but showed the exact opposite and that’s led to this clusterfuck of a canon characterisation lol.

remus’ lack of care about sirius being imprisoned in GP makes me think that maybe he didn’t know all that much about his childhood, tbh. it lends even more credence to my hc that only james did. there was a shocking lack of care towards the kind of abuse walburga’s portrait & kreacher were hurling at sirius and the implications it had. and harry definitely showed an amount of care & understanding that others didn’t, imo. that comparison between umbridge and walburga, for one. the sirius-harry parallels are unending, aren’t they? because that’s such a good point about peter/bellatrix. it’s interesting how similar actions, similar motivations can be demonised one way and praised the other.

#sirius black #sbds #i’ve also seen some fics where sirius decides not to fight for harry w hagrid bc of the gentle giant thing #hagrid is super loyal to dumbledore and perhaps doesn’t realise his strength and S didn’t want to risk anything happening to H #with remus—u can make him ignorant or a terrible person for not caring. personally i’m on board with either but i think the first is more li #more likely* #also i’m personally a fan of harry using the cruciatus. i think the boy needed to go feral more often #so i’m not saying he should be demonised for that #just that it’s a diffference in narrative justification that’s interesting #(the way the text is used to make even the most messed up things ok is an important theme tho) #(like snape’s treatment of harry justified by the retconned james bullied him mess) but that’s another rant that i don’t wanna get into lol #the jkr bias against sirius annoys me sm. like i think an author has the right to feel whatever about a character #but the effect it’s had on his characterisation in fandom is what rly gets me #because despite all odds-sirius *is* one of the most competent characters. no matter how much she disliked him #she still make him smart and powerful and badass and hot as fuck #and yet. it’s all stripped away? #because the narrative excuses it? #it’s the weirdest dichotomy #pen’s asks