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twig-tea · 7 months

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BL/QL Ask game : The Ugly, the Bad and the Worst

Thank you for the game, @clara-maybe-ontheroad! And thanks for tagging me @clara-maybe-ontheroad and @lurkingshan! I started out by saying to myself that I'm going to do my best to ignore my urges and just answer the first thing that comes to me rather than treating this like a quiz. And then I went into a fugue and worked on this for >5 hours. WHOOPS.

Original version here for anyone else who wants to play!

Also quick warning, this is asking about the worsts, so TW for mentions of horrific plot points below.

Worst soundtrack / weirdest song choice in a BL

Ohhhhh man, ok so the first thought that came to mind was Never Let Me Go, which mostly had fantastic background music, and that's maybe why when it didn't hit it stood out so badly (sorry to my man Pond, not all BL actors should be singers! And having his OST play over their kiss in Part 7 4/4 was just mean). For the record I love this show (actually maybe it should go in one of the below categories because so many tumblr folks dislike it) but this was rough.

Most cringe-inducing line (cute)

These don't tend to stick with me...there are so many, and I am allergic to sincerity so everything earnest is various levels of cringe to me. So with that in mind, basically everything Gavreel ever said in Gameboys counts.

Most cringe-inducing line (actually bad)

Anytime someone said "Once I start I won't be able to stop" or some variation.

Most stupid decision made by a character

Jun Ho deciding to die rather than bite Min Hyun in Kissable Lips. Min Hyun was offering. it would have made Jun Ho human. He could have had his friends around to make sure he didn't go too far and kill him. Instead he decides to fade away in his arms like a dick. WHY.

Special mention to NuengDiao going back to his hotel where his murderous uncle is waiting with no plan other than to walk in wearing a suit and a cocky expression in Never Let Me Go.

[@bengiyo and @wen-kexing-apologist are correct about Teh giving up his spot to Oh Aew in I Told Sunset About You as the actual correct answer, btw]

Worst plot line

Every penultimate episode crises resulting in the leads splitting up so that they can reunite in the finale that are not earned and significantly detract from my enjoyment of a series [this list is not comprehensive]: 2Gether, Minato's Laundromat S2, Enchanté, Love Class, Plus & Minus.

The most problematic show you've watched

I've seen literally all of them so this feels like an unfair question lol there are layers of problematic; like, is it even worth considering all of the problems with A Round Trip to Love, or The Shortest Distance is Round, or What the Duck s2? I wrote out summaries for these and then decided no thanks. If anyone wants to know they can DM me.

In terms of series that are problematic but not often considered problematic, I'm calling out Love Area the series. It hits two of my pet peeves: shitty treatment of a poor character by an oblivious rich love interest that directly affects their sources of income, and an ableist subplot. I think it also has an unearned separation in the penultimate episode but honestly I remember thinking they should stay split up so maybe it was earned.

A show people love but you find bad

Vice Versa. Sorry to all who love that show. I wanted to like it; the colouring and cinematography are beautiful and the alternate universe was neat worldbuilding. But the plot makes me so, so angry.

Ditto Cutie Pie the series. I just can't enjoy it.

A show people find bad but you will defend

Honestly there are several, but the one that is most disliked that I will ride hardest for is probably Secret Crush On You (which I argued ended with one of the most healthy relationships in a BL here LMAO). I get why people find this show hard to watch, the cringe is real. But the gender expression! The found family! The "he's a weirdo and that's why I love him" dynamic! The mutual lusting! The body dysphoria! The fact that both start by playing into BL tropes and it's only by throwing those out that they can actually have a meaningful relationship! The way both characters have real growth! And like yes Toh is a fanboy stalker but that is problematized in the show! It gave us the growth from fanboy to faen that Be Mine Superstar didn't. I have a lot of emotions about this show.

ALSO because I cannot stop, I will forever to my dying breath defend Color Rush. I don't care what you say about dead fish kisses I can't hear you over the incredibly powerful metaphor about the queer experience!

A show that is just objectively bad but you enjoyed it

Bahahhaha. Um. So many, my friends. OH I'm going to take this chance to shout out the lesser-known webseries Discipline Z: Vampire (Korean, YouTube, 2020). It's ostensibly a sequel to Discipline, but the only thing they share is a single character so you don't need to watch it to understand what's happening in Discipline Z (they are entirely different shows in every way; Discipline is more youth slice of life with a queer story as part of the ensemble). Listen, I'm talking about this show in this category for a reason; it's about a vampire who falls for a street dancer, whose motley crew of hacker friends help rescue the vampire from an evil corporation that wants to experiment on him to understand his immortality. It is BAD.

But. BUT! I love it. Everyone is so pretty. There is a cute hacker girlie. There is scifi nonsense to explain immortality. There is a good kiss. There are characters willing to sacrifice to do the right thing. I am a simple woman. [Fair warning to my happy ending only pals: this ending is ambiguous at best; there was supposed to be a follow-up epilogue for the couple, but it never got filmed.]

Bonus, En of Love was absolutely trash and it has a very special place in my heart. It's not good (like, at all), but it's great.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were intrigued/fascinated

Let's go with Physical Therapy the series. At some point I just kept watching like a car wreck to see how bad it could get. Also shout-out to Dinosaur Love, which was...similarly bewildering.

A bad show that you kept watching because you were horny

@lurkingshan already stole my first answer for this, but oh man I stay a Why R U apologist for the Fighter/Tutor chemistry. I actually think somewhere in there is a really interesting show, if the pandemic hadn't made it impossible for them to film the ending that they wanted to, but based on the Korean version and the parts that we were told had to be cut, maybe it would have actually made it worse. But just to get on my soapbox for half a sec, Tutor was in debt, working himself to exhaustion, and Fighter (after he got over himself) protected him at his one job, joined him to help him meet his sales targets at another, hired him for a third, paid off his debt collector to take the pressure off, and then took him on vacation to help him relax--twice. I have issues with depictions of poverty in BL but at least my man secured the bag while also pursuing love or whatever. Also he whispers "get inside me" while they're making out, sorry, Tutor will forever be a fave of mine.

Since that's taken, I'm going to use this as an excuse to shout out the hotness of My Day the Series. It was predominantly not great but the heat moments....

A bad show that you kept watching because of that one character

I'm giving this to Noey Watplu from I Will Knock You. I was obsessed with him. I want his confidence so badly. I love how he's essentially a dork in cosplay but gets away with it because of his rizz. Truly iconic. This man decided he was being seduced and said "bet". I really enjoyed this show because of him and him alone.

A bad show that you would still recommend

I'm going to put Ghost Host Ghost House here. It's "bad" in the sense that it had low production values (like, really bad, so bad the time of day changes at random because they lost the light while filming). But the romance was cute, the story around the romance was interesting, the worldbuilding around the merit credits was fascinating, the side mystery was so heartbreaking, the various characters actually had a lot of difficult emotions to portray, and overall I think this show is underrated.

I also already have and will again recommend YYY as a fun and fascinating watch to anyone who asks about it, @waitmyturtles is correct on that call.

The character that ruined a show the most

There are several annoying sides in BL, but I'm giving this to the side hets in My Oxygen. A fujoshi who records people without their consent for online clout is bad. A doctor using his role as a doctor to get closer to his patient is really bad. Pretending to be interested in his friend because the girl he likes is a fujoshi is worse; then using her brother as his friend's stand-in when his friend won't put up with it anymore is the WORST.

Most awful character that you hated

I mean, Lhong in TharnType takes it for not only arranging the gang rape of Tar, but being forgiven for it in the series. Neung in Tonhon Chonlatee comes a close second for attempting to rape Chonlatee and then claiming the moral high ground against his homophobic "friend". Tony in History 5: Love in the Future doesn't get enough hate for trying to murder someone just because he was his love rival. Namning in La Cuisine had her love rival bullied, beaten and who knows what she was going to do with that gun. Also shoutout to @wen-kexing-apologist's answer of Korn, in KinnPorsche, he was so insidiously evil, it was so well done.

Most awful character that you loved

I'm going with "awful" as not necessarily (just) morally bad but that people didn't like: Jaime from Win Jaime's Heart. Objectively he's a fuckboi of the worst calibre. He agrees to go on a webshow in which he dates Heart so that he can seduce the creator of the show Winston. And Jaime is so charming that I don't care about his bi wrongs (partially, to be fair, because the premise is ridiculous so it's hard to take too seriously).

Special mention (because it's not a series) to Wine in Red Wine in the Dark Night. I love a murder twink (speaking of, things are looking really good for me to stay in love with Ai Di from Kiseki if it keeps on this track).

If we're interpreting "awful" as characters that other people don't like, it'll probably go to Toh from Secret Crush on You or Gus in Diary of Tootsies. They're flawed, they're femme, they're fantastic.

A character that wasn't awful but that you just don't like

Can in Love By Chance and the sequels. Tinn is an asshole and knows it; Can is an asshole but is also self-righteous, but in all honesty his biggest flaw for me is that he's not competent and I have little patience for that.

A hero that should have been a villain

Tempted to give this to Ko from Love Poison for essentially trying to love spell date rape his love interest--this is only not that bad because magic isn't real so of course it doesn't do anything.

Possibly Athit (Boun's character) from Even Sun? I put a question mark there because this was so convoluted and hard to follow I'm not even 100% sure I remember it right, but from what I remember, this was not a romantic story at all.

Taking a totally different approach to the question, Joke from Hidden Agenda should have been a secret villain (in the sense that he should have been scheming and sociopathic but hiding it, ineffectually, from Zo) in order to make the series make sense, but apparently I can't have nice things.

And finally, special mention to Phu in The Promise for being the villain for so many of us already.

A morally bad character you're into

Zhu Zi Shu, canon war criminal and child murderer from Word of Honor. He thought he was doing bad things for good reasons (protecting the people he loves), realized he was just doing bad things and the people he loves were all dead anyway, and crafted a convoluted plot to get out of the secret society rules that he created to prevent anyone from leaving. And then he wanders aimless until he meets Wen Ke Xing and becomes as loyal to this equally morally dubious man as he was to his secret society. I love him (and them) so much.

Same type of deal, different scale of crime: Akk from The Eclipse. I have a soft spot for this trope.

A morally bad character you're not into and you wish people would stop being into

Xue Yang from The Untamed. Also a mass murderer, but doing it just for the vibes/to avenge his finger, so he gets zero love from me. People woobify him just because he's sassy it's...rough.

The show that disappointed you the most

From hype to execution? So Much in Love / Ni Yam Ruk. I slogged through such awful subs TWICE (because they claimed they redid them, but they are still terrible) to try to give this show a chance, because the premise sounded right up my alley. I still think there's a show in there that I would have liked, but it is literally unwatchable.

Most disappointed from what the show seemed like it was doing at the start to what it delivered in full is a tie between The Shipper and Step By Step.

The Worst Show of Them All Because of Your Own Reasons

That's My Candy. I've only ever dropped/not finished I think 3 or so shows? And this was the most painful and the one I am least likely to ever finish. The pairing was overplayed, the comedy was heavy handed, and the plot was absolutely cringe inducing. It was literally torture trying to watch this.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading!

Tagging @visualtaehyun @nothingsbetterthancoffee @lurkingteapot @snidgetwrites @formayhem @slayerkitty @respectthepetty @ginnymoonbeam no pressure as always! And if you play and I didn't tag you but you're reading this, tag me anyway! I love reading everyone's answers.

#worst bl shows the ask game #ask game #tag game #thanks for the tag!#this was a fun mental exercise #multi bl

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psychedelic-ink · 1 year

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Categories:

Click for part one:

Marvel ➞ peter parker, moonknight, doctor strange

Series ➞ AU's, horror vibes, fluff/slice of life, hurt/comfort

Part 2 because tumblr is annoying and glitching or there's too many links we will never know

The Mandalorian ➞ no categories direct top five

Miscellaneous Fandom ➞ no categories direct top five

PP characters ➞ AU's, fluff/smut, hurt/comfort & smut, smut, slice of life, fluff

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐚𝐧

Tight by @frannyzooey

This was the first thing I read of yours and I still remember everything so vividly. The tight space, the absolute filth falling from Din lips and that promise to clean you up and lastly the way he shut the bunk door with such urgecy. It's been replaying in my head ever since and I simply fell in love with your writing just like that.

2. Soft Moments by @jazzelsaur

I said this before but I still believe this would be how Din would react in the show, it's one of my favorite Din's and I've been in love with this ever since.

3. Revelation by @the-scandalorian

One of my favorite din smut fics, love the reactions both Din and reader had and the aftermath just warmed my heart. Just like reader, I also think that Din saying it first make the whole thing a lot better.

4. Uncharted Territory by @pedrito-friskito

I screamed about this so much but I've been thinking about Din and Sweets so much you have no idea. The bond they have, and the way you wrote Din was superb, this one deserves all the love and I'll never tire of rereading it.

5. Posession by @ezrasbirdie

Just thinking about this still sends shudders up my spine. This one is absolutely splendid and the way you've gradually made Din's conditions worse and worse is engraved in my mind. The ending, the voices, it was all hauntingly beautiful.

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐞𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐅𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦

The Last Supper by @laters-gators (duke leto)

This might be one of the most beautiful things I read. The way you described the environment, the feelings reader was having in response to Duke Leto having to leave, all of it was stunning and I kept on thinking about this even long after months passed since I read it.

2. somewhere in the belly of the beast by @ozarkthedog (llyod hansen)

I actually haven't watched gray man but read this and it stuck with me, the chase, Llyod's taunting, all of it I still remember so vividly.

3. Firecracker by @pedrito-friskito (ransom drysdale)

I still stand by the fact that Ransom would act exactly like he did in this fic. The ending was absolutely touching and it made me fall in love with this man even more.

4. Discretion by @inklore (ransom drysdale)

This one nearly killed me, the orgasm denial, the dirty talk, the teasing--It's a miracle I'm able to write this sentence.

5. Roadside Attraction. by @inklore (ransom drysdale)

The tension you made me feel with this one was outstanding. I loved everything about it, your writing never cease to amaze me, the way you set the mood was amazing.

𝐏𝐏 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬

𝑨𝒍𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒏𝒂𝒕𝒆 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆

Euclidean Geometry by @leslie-lyman (pero trovar, jack daniels, frankie morales)

This was the first fic I read of yours and I fell for it hard. I still have the image of frankie and jack engraved into my brain, basically becoming useless whenever I think about it. The way you intertwined their stories was outstanding and I read it again multiple times after.

2. Snakes and Ladder by @beskarberry (oberyn martell)

This is hauntingly beautiful. The way you described oberyn and the world is amazing and I will never forget about the smut. I think about it whenever I want to feel my blood rush to my head. Amazing writing.

3. Unbridled by @/beskarberry (pero tovar)

Again this one also lives in my mind rent free. I will never forger about centaur!pero, and I will never forget his amazement when reader too the entire thing. Aside from the smut I enjoyed their banter thoroughly and the ending was just like a fairy tail.

4. Icing on the Cake by @/beskarberry (pero tovar)

Pero eating is one of my kryptonite and reading this scratched that itch perfectly. The way you written this was amazing and comforting and I'll never forget the way Pero fed her. Also really enjoyed that this was also rather emotional, one of my favorite pero fics.

5. My Bluebell Song by @prolix-yuy (jack daniels)

I loved reading this, it was so soft, so tender and just so sweet. The way you wrote their interactions made me smile all the way through and even if this was a recent read of mine there's no way I'm forgetting it.

𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇/𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕

Green Light by @outercrasis (marcus pike)

I still remember this so vividly, and this is the first thing I read of yours. It's the perfect friends to lovers, neighbors, and I loved how this entire thing played out. Everything that happens in this just screams Marcus to me and their interaction with each other was just so natural. I loved every little part of it.

2. What If by @lowlights (frankie morales)

This was just so soft, and so hot at the same time. Loved the scene where Frankie pulls reader on his lap and this fic alone just made me feel loved. And I really enjoyed Frankie making her wait.

3. The Warrior and The Witch by @pedrito-friskito (pero tovar)

You already know how much I love this but that's not gonna stop me from saying it again, I absolutely love this. One of my favorite autumn reads, it's cozy, it has action, it has spice and magic. The way you're able to build works will never not amaze me and the side characters I still hold dear to my heart.

4. howdy, pumpkin by @magpie-to-the-morning & @/radiowallet (jack daniels)

I shall never forget the kitchen scene, NEVER. Whenever I see a pumpkin weather (or a pumpkin for that matter) I think of this. I love it so much, it's just so soft and so spicy, it just makes me wanna curl in my bed to read it again and again.

5. cool girl by @ezrasbirdie (dieter bravo)

I'm not even kidding when I say I think about this fic whenever I'm on Instagram (and especially if Pedro has posted a new story) you have no idea how tempted I became to send this man racoon memes after reading this. Tbh I'm still tempted. I remember the exact moment when I was reading this and I'm still in love with it, you nailed Dieter's essence with this one and I love it.

𝑯𝒖𝒓𝒕/𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 & 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕

Fire and Whiskey by @pedrito-friskito (joel miller)

I thought about this while watching the gameplay every minute. It' so good, and really made me feel for them both. The desperation they both had and the ending with joel telling her not to go. Absolutely stunning.

2. Stars Hit the Ceiling by @jazzelsaur (frankie morales & agent whiskey)

I will never forget the softness of this, you can clearly feel how much those three care and love each other, and the way they understand what any of them needs really just made me a puddle on the floor.

3. Rekindled by @queenofthefaceless (javier p)

This one made my heart go out for Javi, that man deserves to be loved and I adored the vibes and feelings this one has.

4. Killing Me Softly @astroboots (dave york)

I remember the way a shudder climbed up my spine despite the heat of summer. This was so good, you can feel the tension between each word and the smut was to die for. One of my favorite Dave fics.

5. Cherry Flavored by @pedrito-friskito (dieter bravo)

I read this one on a bus with wide eyes, I think this might be one of the first fics I read of yours but I'm not sure. The emotions and the angst here were stunning. I loved reading this from Dieter's perspective.

𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑺𝒎𝒖𝒕

Salty Caramel by @iamskyereads (jack daniels)

I will never ever forget this. Hands down my favorite sex drug (or in this case candy) fics, it was stunning, so hot, and I couldn't get out of the effects of it for a good hour or so. And the way Jack was at the end just made me feel all warm and fuzzy.

2. Mechanical Bull and a Ghost by @honestly-shite (ezra, jack daniels)

This is the first fic I read of yours and after that it was quick to get hooked on your writing. It was so hot and my chest heat up whenever I think about it. I loved how you've written their first meet up and their dialogue, I'm still so head over heels over this.

3. My Girl by @/foli-vora (dave york, frankie morales)

This is the one that made me fall in love with you. I haven't reread this for a while and I still remember the way Dave beckoned frankie and pulled at his hair when Frankie got a little rough. The effects of this one lasted a good while I'll tell you that much.

4. Rare by @ezrasbirdie (dave york)

The moment where reader looked down and saw Dave covered in blood and went "oh good finally he's consuming you" is still in my brain. That moment never left and never will. I read this every time I'm on my period I kid you not. My biggest comfort while I'm cramping.

5. Party favor by @/inklore (javier p)

The way you've wrote Javier was perfect and I loved that he saved her from the party because honestly we all need Javier to save us from unwanted conversations.

6. Weight Gain - Pero Tovar by @absurdthirst

I read this one quite often. It just became such a staple comfort for me whenever I'm feeling down, and the way you managed to written Pero's need in this one is outstanding, I think about this one a lot.

𝑺𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑳𝒊𝒇𝒆

suck the rot right out of my bloodstream by @redahlia-writes (javier peña)

This one truly was emotional, I felt every word, every sentence and the way you write always reminds me of poetry and I adore that so much. The way you described how javi would never hurt reader haunts me always but in a good way.

2. Near Miss by @/pedrito-friskito (frankie morales)

I screamed about this both publicly and privately but this one was just amazing. Hawk and Frankie has a special place in my heart and the gradual way you showed us how their relationship came to be was amazing.

𝑶𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝑭𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇

A Bit of A Fright by @leslie-lyman (agent whiskey)

This is just so sweet and thinking about it makes me smile. I love your jack and how he stepped up for reader, so wholesome, so heartwarming.

2. Roasted Almonds by @toomanystoriessolittletime (marcus pike)

This is one of the best holiday reads, it's so soft and made me melt into my bed when I read it. And the ending was the perfect cherry on top.

3. On the right flight by @prolix-yuy (javi g)

The world needs more Javi fics so when I saw this I was so excited and when I read it I became the most happy person on earth. Loved the interactions, the subtle flirting and just over all Javi being a puppy in human form.

4. you can by @radiowallet (marcus moreno x dieter bravo)

The way you managed to convey so much emotion and sweetness with so little amount of words is amazing. I still think about these two quite often and will never forget the time they smoked together

5. Saturdays with Javier by @wildemaven (javier p)

This is the softest thing I read. I adore the playlist you made for this and seeing how Javier is despite being away from danger was written beautifully. I love this one so much.

#.sil's monthly fic recs #end of the year fic recs #2022 fic recs #2022 love posts #fic recs

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qqueenofhades · 2 years

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To what extent were the nations of ancient and medieval Europe just as malicious, cruel, genocidal, and/or otherwise evil as their post-1492 era counterparts?

Genocide, as both an actual physical practice and a semantic concept/political strategy is, in my view, a decidedly post-Columbian notion. It first got going and had an immensely complex legal, military, religious, and cultural framework built to justify it, after the "discovery" of the Americas in 1492. Before that, kings and rulers obviously did kill and mistreat political enemies, sometimes in large numbers and for ideological purposes, but I wouldn't argue that it was done with the same overall aims (or indeed, sheer multi-level/multi-national complexity that requires modern infrastructure) as modern genocide. People sometimes try to argue that the crusades (1095-1291) were genocide, which I disagree with. The primary aim was the capture of territory, not the extermination of people and culture, and that designation obscures the complicated and reciprocal Christian-Muslim contacts, conflicts, and political/diplomatic relations that took place at all levels and involved substantial exchanges apart from just the battlefield. That is the "a bad thing can be bad without affixing every bad buzzword to it" fact that Tumblr often struggles with; the crusades were Bad and involved people of different beliefs killing each other, therefore they must be Genocide! However, war -- even religious war -- and outright genocide are two different things. You can condemn the crusades for what they were without also arbitrarily making them every other bad thing in history too.

This is why it always drives me crazy when people insist on describing every act of violence or seemingly indiscriminate killing/torture as "medieval." First, it separates out the "medieval" as a category which is somehow always inferior to modernity by its very nature, and second, it resists any realization that modernity has invented some things that are much worse than they were in the premodern era, simply because technology and the development of mass/industrialized murder became so much easier. There is nothing comparable to WWI, the Holocaust, and other mass-casualty events of the twentieth and twenty-first century, which we have become able to produce and rattle off at a scale simply unheard-of by medieval technological or geographical capability. I saw someone the other day describe the action of BOMBING A TRAIN STATION (in the Ukraine war) as "medieval." How, I ask you, is using a bomb (a modern weapon) to attack a train station (an institution not invented until the 19th century for a mode of transportation likewise that became current in the 19th century), in a modern war stemming from modern reasons, MEDIEVAL? It is just a catch-all term for "violence that we like to think ourselves too good to inflict, while ignoring all the violence we have endlessly inflicted, so we act like it has no place in this century, while using more and more of it in even more sophisticated ways."

Whenever I point this out, I usually get people crying that MEDIEVAL TIMES WERE BAD TOO!! as if I somehow don't know that, or otherwise trying to justify, partition away, or excuse the existence and targets of modern violence, because they're uncomfortable with examining its ultimate roots and justifications. When it comes to this fact, the modern world is not peaceful or pacifist or free of violence or morally superior to the medieval world in any way; indeed, if anything, it's become overwhelmingly reliant on the military-industrial complex (another thing that has no meaningful medieval analogue) to solve its problems. This isn't to say that no violence or war or murder existed in the medieval world, as it obviously did! That should not be controversial! But genocide, colonialism, imperialism, and other such wide-scale and deliberate destruction of people's ways of life, culture, language, political system, collective memory, etc, simply are not medieval phenomena. They are early modern, modern, AND postmodern. But because we are so used to lazily affixing "medieval" to every practice that is bad from a modern liberal perspective, we don't see that, understand it, or take steps to coherently confront it in our own up-to-the-minute systems, institutions, and leaders.

#blackcur-rants #ask #history #medieval history #modern history

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saintsugu · 3 months

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ive taken the past few days to gather my mental bearings and try to properly formulate my thoughts. as a survivor of csa, i do not take these topics and criminal allegations lightly.

- starting with the two (2) threads that i wrote on twitter: writing has always been a form of therapy for me. I began writing on Twt, rather than just post on this blog, for a reason. It was separate from the the friends i’ve made on here. I’d be able to write things that about trauma that i’m too ashamed to admit. I could discuss topics that have been prevailing factors in my own real life without feeling worried about being shamed. I get that these are taboo topics (and for good reason), but I don’t know where the conclusion formed that just because i was discussing / consuming these topics through fiction, automatically meant that i was getting off on the idea of it happening in real life; especially compared to the possibility that maybe i was using it to cope.

Everybody has lines they’re not willing to cross. I get it; I have those too, believe it or not. for me— as a survivor, discussion of underaged content falls into the same category alongside of noncon, stepcest/incest and cannablism. None of which i support in real life yet all of which i have at some point consumed via fiction. Now obviously, these standards aren’t the same for everyone, but in my mind there is no difference. I would never accuse someone of being a r*pist if they wrote noncon. I would never claim that it’s dangerous for them to interact with women in their real lives.

People deal with trauma in different ways. When I first started to write dark content on my old blog, i dipped my feet into dubcon. I didn’t care much for it. But then in the months following, i was SA’ed by my best friend. I then began to write graphic noncon. And i felt a bit better— a bit more in control. I was now choosing when and where i was viewing and consuming fiction with these topics, rather than when i had something i did not want forced onto me.

It’s taken me a long time to begin to process certain things that took place in my childhood. Having to process something, that happened more than a decade ago, entirely alone with zero support from anyone i know is difficult. I found a way to help myself cope. My methods may have been unsavory and uncomfortable for people, but not to the extent of graphically telling me how to k*ll myself in my inbox. Yes, I did write and consume underaged fiction in order to cope with my personal trauma. I fully own up to that. At the end of the day, fiction is just fiction.

Concerning the ‘expose’ post, the OP also claims that this was not to start a witchhunt, just to shed light to the situation; all the while, they were in my inbox telling me to kill myself before even making a post. Alright. People have had no issues calling me the f slur, making transphobic remarks/purposely misgendering me, and of course, graphically telling me how i should end my life. They’ve sent hundreds of asks claiming they care about the situation, when in my opinion—which might not mean much, no matter how you feel about me, if you resort to threatening, hate mobbing and threatening me irl, you are not handling things in the right way either.

In regards to the minor in my following list, i don’t know who she was or if her pinned post had changed. when i read the expose post i immediately unfollowed her and checked to be met with the fact that she didn’t follow me and we had shared a total of zero messages between the two of us. I am unsure if her pinned post changed or if I had foolishly followed her without checking to a full extent. Either way, we had no interactions. That might sound like a copout but unfortunately, i have no other commentary i can share on the matter.

at the end of it all, i can only control my own boundaries. i tag everything accordingly and that is the most i can do. drawing and fictional pieces cannot be considered cp.

#tw discourse

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addictedtostorytelling · 2 months

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Hi! Would you be able to talk a bit about how you see Sara's relationship with Abby Fisher?

hi, anon!

so i will warn you up front: i am a great hater of the later seasons of csi and don't really have anything nice to say about them. that so, this answer is pretty critical of the writing of episode 15x12 "dead woods" and its depiction of sara and abby's relationship.

to give a "desalinized" short version of what i say below here: i actually like the impulse behind the whole "sara has a relationship with a foster kid" storyline; i just don't think the writers executed the idea well. logistically, the whole thing has more than a few holes. also, the vibes are off. ultimately, i have a difficult time emotionally investing because the implied depth just isn't there.

for a much saltier (and longer) explanation, click the "keep reading."

so here's the thing: one of the many skills which the writers of the later seasons of the show lacked was the ability to imply depth in their narratives.

while most of the time, this deficiency manifested in the form of them failing to provide any kind of contextual details about the characters' lives outside of work—would it have killed them to have sara occasionally mention visiting grissom or to every once in a while show her on the phone with him past s11?—it also sometimes did so in the form of them attempting to shoehorn in biographical information for the established characters that either contradicted or at least didn't mesh well with previously related canonical facts (e.g., when they accidentally changed sara's birthday, only to later change it back again).

and, to me, the whole abby fisher storyline falls into that latter category.

don't get me wrong: on paper, i think having sara connect with a foster child and mentor her is a really wonderful idea. executed properly, it could have been a source for some truly interesting character development for her—which, god knows, in the later seasons, she was severely lacking!—and may have even been something healing for her.

it's just—

to my mind, the way the storyline was written is so unbelievable and ultimately incongruent from sara's previously established character history that i can't really buy into it, either intellectually or emotionally.

problem #1 is the supposed timeline of it all.

within the episode, we learn that sara works the fisher case and first meets abby on 08.20.04, as is shown by the dates on the evidence photos taken at the original scene. however, that date falls right during the same interval when sara is supposedly on vacation between s4 and s5 (see episodes 04x23 "bloodlines" and 05x01 "viva las vegas").

and i know, i know! really, that discrepancy is such a small thing that only a truly nitpicky fan like myself might even notice!

i should probably just let it go.

but the thing is, it's not just an issue of sara not technically being in vegas or around to work the case at that time but also one of her not being in the right mental/emotional state to be able open up to a traumatized child then, either.

more on that point below.

furthermore, it's also not the only "fudge" of its kind.

in fact, it's actually indicative of a more general inattention to detail on the parts of the writers.

anthony zuiker took the lead writing credit for this episode, and, honestly, he's somewhat notorious for not knowing his own show's canon. he prides himself on being a big picture "ideas" guy, not a minutiae/details guy, and sometimes, the fact that he isn't the latter thing is really, really obvious. i mean, this is the same man who had to crowdsource major story arc recaps from fans on twitter to remind him of what had been going on on his own show before he wrote the series finale, for chrissake! and even then, he still got a bunch of the "fine print" stuff, like grissom not knowing who russell is, wrong.

this error being just one among many makes me less willing to ignore and/or gloss over it.

beyond the issue of sara's initial meeting with abby not fitting the timeline of the earlier seasons, equally as improbable is the notion that sara maintains regular contact with abby after they first meet.

for one thing, in the early seasons of the show when sara supposedly first meets abby, sara is a notorious workaholic who maxes out on overtime every month. if she's working 70+ hours a week on a graveyard schedule, when is she making time to have visits with this kid—and especially considering that said visits likely have to be scheduled long in advanced and supervised (because there are very strict rules in place regarding how noncustodial adults interact with kids in the foster care system), meaning she can't just swing by for a quick hello after a double shift?

considering that catherine can barely find the time to see her own biological daughter, of whom she has sole custody after early s3, when is sara fitting in hours and hours with abby, to whom she has incredibly restricted access, as per the rules and logistics of the foster care system?

also, for another thing, how does this relationship fit in with all of the canonical events of s5-15?

for example, when sara is recovering from her injuries following her abduction by the miniature killer in s8, what does she tell eight-year-old abby? does she see her during that time or do they go several months without any contact, until sara is healed up enough not to have to explain anything to her? if they don't see each other, what kind of excuses does sara make? if they do see each other, how does sara explain the situation? does she admit she nearly died at the hands of a murderer, knowing how triggering that information might be for abby to hear? or does she lie? or tell some sanitized version of the truth ("i had a bad accident, but i'm okay now")?

and what about the grissom of it all? do he and abby ever meet? if so, when? do they ever spend quality time together and/or develop any kind of relationship, especially after grissom and sara get married? if so, how does sara break the news to a fourteen-year-old abby of the divorce? does abby get any kind of closure for grissom not being a part of her life anymore?

for yet another thing, how does this idea (of sara being a regular presence in abby's life for ten years) fit with sara's nomadic lifestyle in the later seasons of the show, plus abby's general status as a foster child?

not only does sara spend significant amounts of time away from vegas between 2004 and 2014 (especially during s8, s9, s10, and s11), which would make it difficult for her to keep in touch with abby just on her side of things, but based on some of abby and her foster mother's dialogue in episode 15x12 "dead woods," it also seems that abby has only come into her placement with the higgins family fairly recently, perhaps within just the past few years or so, which means that prior to living with them, she likely moves around a lot.

the idea that sara could even keep track of this girl over the years—especially given the privacy laws surrounding foster kids—isn't particularly realistic.

one of the main things former foster kids (and especially those who are in "traditional foster care" as opposed to "kinship care") complain about is the inconsistency of the lifestyle and the fact that people are there one day and gone the next.

while the child protective services agency (cps) does their best to prevent foster kids from having to move placements, over a third of foster kids experience changes to their living arrangements at least three times per year (and some experience even more).

and, again, while cps generally tries to keep kids from having to move schools/districts when their placements change, if they can avoid it, they often don't have a choice; if the kid has been living in and attending school in henderson and the only available placement for them is in reno, then there's not much to be done but to uproot their whole life and ship them 450 miles across the state to their new home.

furthermore, to protect the privacy and safety of foster children, neither cps nor foster families are allowed to give out personal information about foster children—including their placement addresses—to anyone who doesn't have direct "need-to-know" involvement in their case (which would mostly just be custodial caretakers, school officials, and medical professionals).

all of the above so, it would likely be very, very difficult for sara to maintain a relationship with abby, especially over the course of a decade.

that girl has likely been in multiple placements in multiple locations (some of them not in clark county) since sara has known her, and since sara doesn't—even as law enforcement—fall into any of those "need to know" categories of persons who legally receive updates about abby's whereabouts when she gets reassigned, she probably wouldn't be able to follow her movements.

however, even if sara were somehow to (improbably) maintain contact with abby between 2004 and 2007, once sara skipped town and went "off the grid" circa episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck" and/or later episode 09x02 "the happy place," the second abby moved placements, she likely wouldn't be able to find her again (and especially considering that, at the time, abby would be just eight or nine years-old and wouldn't have a cell phone or email account she could use to reach out to sara on her end of things).

the whole scenario lacks veracity, even with what sara herself has previously said about her own experiences in foster care.

for example, in episode 07x16 "monster in the box," sara remarks to grissom on how hard it is to keep up with foster kids due to spotty record-keeping.

—and that's the main problem, really.

beyond the whole "how would this relationship even work?" of the thing, there is also the issue of characterization—a question of "would sara even behave in this manner?", the answer to which i think, ultimately, is no.

i could forgive all of the logistical errors and the farfetchedness of the situation if the story itself didn't feel so antithetical to sara's character history and jar with everything we know about her development.

see, episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that sara sees abby very regularly and plays a prominent mentoring role in her life, enough to know who her boyfriend is—and have beef with him!—and to understand her complicated feelings about her foster family. they supposedly go to concerts together and hang out with some frequency. theirs is an emotionally open and socially intimate connection.

the implication is that sara is almost like a mother to abby—someone abby is even closer to and more highly esteems than her current foster (and soon to be adoptive) mom, joanna higgins; the first person she thinks to call for when she's in trouble.

but that implication doesn't fit with sara's character arc.

see, it's not that i doubt that the sara of 2014 could be open enough to bond with a traumatized foster kid over their shared life experiences and serve as a touchstone for her.

it's that i doubt the sara of 2004 would.

the sara of 2004—and especially the summer of 2004, six months prior to the events of episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"—wouldn't respond to seeing a little girl whose trauma so closely mirrors her own by reaching out to her, forming a deep connection based in mutual disclosure, and involving herself as a surrogate mother-figure in her life.

i'm not saying sara doesn't have the capacity to be nurturing—i mean, i am the person writing a huge geek!baby au series, the latest installment of which is all about sara discovering just how strong her maternal instincts actually are—or that she wouldn't feel for the kid or want to help her.

rather, i'm saying she just wouldn't be able to bring herself to get that close.

think of the analog situation: brenda collins in episode 01x07 "blood drops."

sara has such a difficult time even being around that kid and looking her in the eyes to start off with, all because she knows, on a deeply personal level, what it feels like to be her.

it's not that she's not empathetic toward brenda and her situation.

to the contrary: she can feel her pain all too keenly! she cares all too much!

that's why it's so painful for her to even acknowledge brenda's existence.

her feelings are still too raw for her to really force herself to interface.

though in that case, she does eventually end up dropping her guard and stepping up to advocate for brenda as needed, she only ultimately does so because grissom compels her to act as brenda's chaperone.

had he not given her that assignment and she instead been left to her own devices, she wouldn't ever have gotten close to the girl.

not of her own volition.

she only starts to show that external level of care because she's made to.

and what's noteworthy is that even when she does show it, she still conceals the reason why she is doing so—from grissom, from the rest of the team, and even from brenda herself.

though she behaves very compassionately toward brenda, she never makes their interactions personal. she never lets on that she understands what brenda is going through. she never transgresses the boundaries of what would be considered the expected behavior for any safe and caring adult looking after a traumatized child under the circumstances.

while we as fans can retroactively read her backstory into her actions throughout that episode, she as a character still plays her cards so close to her chest that no one else within the universe of the show can even think about reading them.

indeed, no one but grissom even really notices she's holding them.

and that's because she isn't ready to go "all in" in that way yet.

she isn't to a place where she is ready to face her own trauma, much less confess to it, much less process it—which is what would be required of her were she to allow herself to get any closer to brenda than she actually does.

—which brings us back to abby.

the sara of 2004 hasn't yet reached a place where she is ready to reckon with her childhood trauma yet.

though she wants to—desperately—and will eventually get to the point where she is willing to at least talk about it with grissom (see episode 05x13 "nesting dolls"), honestly, it will still be years before she is finally able to lay her "ghosts" fully to rest (see her letter in episode 08x07 "goodbye & good luck").

and that being the case—

well, i just can't imagine her being as emotionally available to abby as episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests is the case.

not early on.

not when she would have initially been forming that bond.

that flashback scene from the hospital room where she ends up hugging five-year-old abby?

i can believe that moment could happen.

all but taken by surprise as she is, sara could and would be unguarded enough to open her arms to that little girl and offer her some comfort; she wouldn't reject someone that vulnerable, no matter how scared she was herself. she would recognize all she needed to be right then was a steady shoulder to weep on and a soft voice to reassure. she could hold abby for that moment and validate her cries for her mother.

but beyond that initial instance of connection?

i just can't see 2004 sara continuing to have contact with abby after the case had concluded.

watching that girl be absorbed into the foster care system while grieving the loss of her parents and grappling with the nature of her father's (alleged) crimes would just hit too close to home for sara—and especially at a time when she is herself really struggling with her own trauma.

lest we forget, during the summer between s4 and s5, sara is attending mandatory peap sessions, spending significant time away from the lab on much-needed vacation, and struggling to get her life/career back on track in the wake of her s4 depression and problematic alcoholic usage.

she's not exactly doing hot™ herself.

she doesn't really have much water in her emotional well to draw from in order to share with somebody else.

moreover, she still, to date, has never told anyone about her childhood. she doesn't even yet have the words to talk about it (see her speech to the mirror in episode 05x01 "viva las vegas").

so for as much as her heart undoubtedly goes out to abby, i just can't see her incorporating abby into her life to the degree that episode 15x12 "dead woods" suggests that she does.

it's a "please secure your mask before assisting others" kind of situation with her, you know?

she's still dealing with her own issues and isn't in a state to help someone else at that point—and especially not an incredibly vulnerable child.

and, honestly, i think she'd recognize as much.

she'd know she couldn't be what abby probably would need her to be at that time—and that being so, i can't really see her purposefully inserting herself into abby's world.

she'd figure abby would be better left to "the professionals."

i think the story we're told in episode 15x12 "dead woods" forgets just how jagged the sara of 2004's edges are; it acts as if she has the same emotional capacity back then as she does in 2014, and the fact is, she just doesn't.

had sara met abby in s10 or s11 when she a) was mentally healthy and emotionally stable; b) had gotten some closure on her childhood trauma; and c) had lots of free time on her hands given her whole "long-distance marriage" situation with grissom, then i could see her being able to open up to abby and thrive in a mentorship role with her in the way canon implies she does.

but that's not the story episode 15x12 "dead woods" tells.

it insists that a much younger, much more mixed-up, much less self-actualized sara somehow manages to step into the role of surrogate mother for a physically and psychologically-wounded child whose trauma closely mirrors her own and is able to say and do all the right things, to the point where that child comes to trust her implicitly.

and to me? that's a hard story to believe.

it requires an almost insurmountable suspension of my critical thinking and understanding of sara's character arc.

—especially considering how many needs abby likely has at the time when sara is first getting to know her.

traumatized children require a special brand of tlc.

one of the most important parts of having a relationship with them (as an adult) is to offer them as much stability as possible—meaning if you say you're going to see them, you have to show up; you can't miss the appointment, even if you end up getting pulled onto a double or triple shift; even if you're maybe having a shit mental health day yourself. failure to follow through can result in an erosion of their trust in you and cause setbacks for them in their recovery.

you also have to be very patient and help them regulate what are sometimes some very big emotions. traumatized kids will frequently throw tantrums or act out. they'll oftentimes be whiny or clingy. they'll enact age-inappropriate behaviors. and as the adult in the relationship, you have to meet them where they are, soothe them, and redirect those behaviors once they're calm enough. to do so, you must yourself manage your own emotions. you have to have awareness of the situation and be able to offer them what they need, whether it be cuddles or verbal reassurance or cognitive tools to help them process what they're feeling.

while of course if you as a caretaker or otherwise invested adult can apologize if you make mistakes and do your best to make amends, the point is that you need to be consistent and selfless and place the needs of the child first. and if you're struggling a lot yourself, then you need to make a judgment call about whether your presence will ultimately hurt the child; if so, you need to remove yourself from the situation and get your shit together before you resume interacting with them.

it takes a lot of energy and insight to navigate those kinds of relationships.

again, i'm not saying sara isn't empathetic or that she is incapable of being there for someone who's been traumatized—her ability to step up for members of her team (like nick and greg) after they go through various hardships proves she is more than equal to the task of offering support as needed—but i am saying that i'm not sure the sara of 2004 would choose to voluntarily place herself into that role; not when she has herself been that kid and knows what the stakes are.

realizing how she tends to react in situations where she's triggered, and realizing that just being around abby triggers her, i think she'd opt to stay away (probably more on a subconscious level than a conscious one).

she wouldn't want to screw up.

she wouldn't want to hurt abby because she was "too in her own feelings."

—which i suppose brings me to my last major objection to the whole sara and abby dynamic, which is just how the dynamic itself is written.

like i said: i'm not at all opposed to the idea of sara acting quasi-maternal; i think she probably does have that capacity in her, however deeply sublimated it may be.

i just feel like—once again—the execution in this case is flawed.

the sara of episode 15x12 "dead woods" seems almost strident in her "mama bear" role with abby. apparently, she has lectured abby about her ne'er-do-well boyfriend on more than one occasion. she even serves as a kind of liaison between abby and joanna, confident she has a better read on abby's feelings than joanna does. which, albeit, is a view with which joanna herself seems to concur. she doesn't hesitate to chase abby's shithead boyfriend down the hall at pd and all but assault him or to take abby out on a saturday night, seemingly without asking anyone's permission. though of course concerned about abby's feelings, she's noticeably forward in all of their interactions. she doesn't hesitate to offer advice or even to try to lay down ground rules.

—which, on a superficial level, could be a valid interpretation of how sara tends to love.

i mean, sara has always been a "heart on her sleeve," "in with both feet" kind of gal, just in general. she does tend to love fiercely and be protective of "her people."

right?

i mean, kind of.

in a "broad strokes" sort of way.

but when you take a slightly more nuanced view of her and how she expresses love, her behavior toward abby actually feels somewhat off. it's too aggressive, in a lot of ways. too "in your face."

just like so much of her characterization of the later seasons, it comes across as inexact, like a flattened-out version of her actual personality, with all of the details and complexities of her sanded off.

yes, sara loves deeply and is very emotional by nature. yes, she has a strong sense of what's right and doesn't back down from doing what she thinks is needed. but she also gives the people she loves space and doesn't typically impose on them.

see, for example, the scene in episode 07x06 "burn out," where she both protects greg and redirects grissom's misplaced anger off of him and is very subtle in how she does so, showing great tenderness toward both parties.

she also tends to "know her role."

see, for example, in episode 10x01 "family affair": when she points out that catherine is lacking a "right-hand man," she doesn't attempt to install herself in that position, realizing it's not hers to fill not only for logistical reasons (i.e., because she is only in town temporarily) but also because she and catherine don't have that kind of dynamic with each other; instead, she just gently encourages catherine to seek out someone she trusts and is ultimately very glad to see her eventually select nick.

i have no doubt that sara loves abby and cares very much for her well-being, but i've also got to believe that even for as much as she loves and cares about her, she would always remain highly aware that she was not actually her mother, either foster or adoptive.

and to me, that awareness would cause her to act differently than what we see in canon—less vehement and imposing; less "in the driver's seat" and more "in the passenger's."

there'd be if not some reticence on her part—though maybe that, too—at least some deference.

sara would realize: the people who should be setting rules for abby and finalizing major life decisions with her are her foster (soon to be adoptive) parents, who play a role in her daily life that sara herself doesn't.

and, yes, sara has known abby for ten years while they've only known her for a few years at most, but that's why it would be all the more imperative for sara to make that demarcation very clear for everyone involved, particularly as the higgins family intends to adopt abby and will be her full-time guardians for the next several years.

based on her own experiences in foster care, i think sara would likely understand the importance of setting boundaries and making it clear to abby that though she is her friend and is happy to offer both a listening ear and advice, she is not her parent.

this delineation would have been especially crucial for sara to draw when abby was younger, so as not to inadvertently get her hopes up that sara was going to foster or adopt her.

again, while she could still be (and likely would still be) very nurturing to abby, i just don't see her having that much of an authority role in abby's life.

it just feels like too much of an overstep with a kid she probably only sees a couple of times a month at most* and who, given that she is a foster child, probably needs clearly-drawn relationship boundaries with the adults in her life in order to feel secure.

* even ignoring all of the real life logistics that would make it impossible for them to remain in such close contact.

the last thing sara would ever want to do would be to confuse abby or give her unrealistic expectations or to impose on/complicate/undermine her relationship with her foster family.

so, to me, if it were actually written with sara's core characterization in mind, then sara's relationship with abby would be one with a lot more gentle questioning in it as opposed to brash pronouncements. it'd be less "i told you you have to dump that guy!" and more "what exactly do you see in him? i'm genuinely interested to know." there'd be a pinch more "well, why don't you ask joanna?" and maybe some self-conscious awkwardness at the realization that, yes, in some situations she does know abby better because she's known her longer (but that still doesn't make her "mom").

above everything, sara would be very conscientious about not screwing up™.

she'd remember just how vulnerable being in foster care makes a kid. she'd understand abby was traumatized and likely has attachment issues galore. "sometimes i look for validation in inappropriate places," anyone? she would have doubts about her own capabilities to be as selfless and emotionally available as she would need to be for abby's sake, and, even though she would ultimately find both the strength and the wisdom to step up, she would always remain just a little bit cautious of herself.

she'd consider there are reasons why, even for all the love she has for abby and all she wants to be a part of her life, she never does foster or adopt her herself; that there are certain things she can't give or be, whether it's the time or just the "totality" of that kind of parent-child relationship.

even after ten years, she'd be careful not to cross the wires between "friend/mentor" and "parent."

so.

all of the above said, for as much as i want to like sara's relationship with abby in episode 15x12 "dead woods," to me, it just ultimately doesn't hit.

it feels like something poorly contrived and even more poorly executed.

like so much of the characterization of the later seasons, it falls about two inches to the left of who and what sara actually is and how she would really behave.

in a better world where the later seasons' writers actually knew what they were doing, i would have loved to have seen this storyline done differently.

instead of trying to retroactively insert a relationship with a foster kid into the already established show canon, why not show it develop in real time, starting in s15?

rather than saying, "sara has had this kid in her life all along. you just never knew about it before now!", let the audience watch her meet the kid and slowly get to know her.

let us observe that initial awkwardness. let us see sara's struggle with how much she ought to say regarding her own situation and how much she should keep submerged. let us be present for the moments when sara summons her courage to step up and be vulnerable in ways she didn't realize she was capable of. earn the emotional connection between them. allow the love to grow up organically.

and, yeah, i know, doing things that way would make it impossible to play out the "ten years later, abby's dad gets posthumously exonerated!" storyline of episode 15x12 "dead woods."

but, honestly? that plot was not very well done anyhow, so i don't think it'd be a great loss to sacrifice it in favor of giving sara some actual long-lasting character development.

make sara's interaction with the foster kid into a full-on arc. it could be really good—much more so than what we actually get in canon, which, frankly, just falls flat on multiple levels.

the writers tried to imply depth that just wasn't there and didn't succeed.

anyway.

enough salt out of me; we've got a whole mine here by now.

thanks for the question! please feel welcome to send another any time.

#answered #anon #asks: csi #**#my meta #meta: csi #meta: sara #csiverse #later seasons #15x12 #let's talk shop

16 notes · View notes

r-is-typing · 2 years

Text

with a little help | s.r

summary: in which two co-workers need a little help from their friends… requested?: Yes! Requested by @night-sky-full-of-stars request: “hello lovely! I absolutely adored at first sight! would I be able to request a spencer reid x plus size fem!reader? a mutual-pining story where she's also in the BAU as a psychologist and they're both too shy to make the first move? bonus points if the other BAU members try to nudge them along a little. thank you! your writing is immaculate 🤍 (also no pressure for timing or length, you got this x)”

pairing: spencer reid x plus size fem!reader category: fluff

content warnings: a little bit of insecurities towards the end, but mostly just pure, tooth-rotting fluff and mutual pining, s7 reid because he has my heart

word count: 1k+

Running late to work was not something Y/N L/N was used to in her normal routine, but, today was different. The train from D.C to Quantico was usually on time, especially for the train Y/N having to take, arriving at 5:30am to get to Quantico by 7, making space if changes were to happen. But, the train was running late more than usual and it had stressed her out awfully.

“Y/N, hey.”

She recognized that small, but familiar voice anywhere. The voice, in fact, being fellow FBI employee, profiler Dr. Spencer Reid. Her eyes looked up from her nails she was picking at to Spencer who stood awkwardly gripping his satchel.

“Spencer, hi. I didn’t know you took this train.”

Spencer shook his head, shuffling awkwardly, before settling his feet. “I don’t, normally, but I didn’t finish some paperwork because we got back so late from the most recent case, so I decided to go up early.” Y/N smiled at this. She never figured Spencer was the type to not get anything done, especially with how he was. Reading 20k words a minute, an IQ of 187, and his eidetic memory served well within the BAU, making him the smartest on the team, at least in Y/N’s mind.

That made sense, considering she had been harboring a liking for the man for the past two years, since her first day of being a psychologist for the BAU when needed, but mostly for other departments in the Bureau. The train finally pulled into the station, it being 6:15 in the morning. The two boarded. “So, I’ll see you-” “Would you like to sit with me?” The two agents talked over each other, making the two share a small smile.

“Oh, sure, Spencer.”

She walked over to where the tall man chose to sit, sitting next to him. “So, how was the case, anyway?” Spencer’s face lit up, which would be surprising to anyone who didn’t know Spencer, but only knew his line of work. Lighting up at the mention of talking about serial killers? What a Spencer Reid thing to do.

“Well, it was actually a bit of a long one. This guy had been copying the Zodiac Killer, basically killing as a set-up to impress his childhood friend who had recently gotten engaged.” Spencer rambled. Y/N listened as he continued to talk animatedly about the case he had just returned from.

The train had come to a stop 45 minutes later, the two timed it, high-fiving as it came to be fourty-five minutes, and not a second later. Spencer and Y/N walked together to the Quantico Headquarters, quietly conversing between the two of them.

As the two walked in together, Penelope nudged her coworkers, watching as Y/N walked over to them, and Spencer walked over to make himself a cup of coffee. “Hi, Penny,” Y/N mumbled, walking over to her. “Oh my goodness, are those new jeans? Because they look absolutely amazing on you, I mean, your curves, I’m totally-” Y/N grabbed Garcia by the shoulders. “Yes, Penny, they’re new jeans. You’ve shopped with me before. A lot of shops don’t accommodate women in my size, so I actually got pretty lucky with this one shop."

“Amen to that, sister.”

Garcia smiled, hugging the girl once again. Spencer walked up to Y/N after a few minutes, handing her a mug. “I, um, know you don’t like coffee, so I made you some tea.” Y/N bit her lip, trying to hide a smile. “Wow, um, thank you, Spencer.” She took a sip of her tea, humming in enjoyment.

Y/N joined Penelope, Emily, and JJ who were stood near Emily’s desk. “JJ, how’s Henry?” JJ, being the way JJ was, jumped at the opportunity to talk about her son, which all the women enjoyed.

“Pretty Boy? Are you listening?”

Spencer snapped his head over to Derek’s direction, who leaned against the younger man’s desk, smirking. “See something you like?” Reid’s eyes widened, spluttering out incomprehensible noises. “You like her, don’t you, kid?” Spencer couldn’t help but look down at his shoes.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

But, Spencer knew he was caught. He made it annoyingly obvious he was staring at the girl as she awed and smiled as JJ showed the woman pictures of her child.

How could he not like her though? How pretty her smile was, the way her eyes sparkled and lit up when talking about something she thoroughly enjoyed, or the curve of her waist, even down to her thighs.

Was that weird that he thought about her like that when she probably never thought of him at all? That had definitely run through Spencer's mind plenty of times, but that didn't stop him from becoming infatuated with the girl, pining over her day after day.

Derek laughed. “Alright, well, if you don’t, maybe I’ll see if Y/N wants to go to dinner with me tomorrow night.” He stood up, causing Spencer to be, shockingly, the fastest Morgan had ever seen him move in the 7 years he’d worked with Reid.

Across the room, Penelope Garcia also had a plan up her sleeve. “So, Y/N, Spencer's pretty cute, don't you think?" She smirked. Y/N looked between Garcia, Emily, and JJ, then to the guys across the room and back to the girls.

"'Course he is. Have you seen him? Although, I never picked him as your type, P."

Garcia giggled. "Oh, honey. He's not. But, what's your type?" Y/N looked over at her and glared, knowing exactly what she was referring to. "Penny..."

Emily looked between the two. "I feel like we're missing something.." Garcia nodded. "Let's just say, our favorite girl genius has been lovingly doting on our resident genius for months now, spilling how attractive she finds him after, hm, what is it? A glass and a half of wine?"

Y/N sheepishly smiled. She recalled the nights she was drunk where all she could remember at the time was Spencer. The way he talked, walked, dressed, and his mannerisms. Everything about the man starting from his sandy brown hair all the way down to his black converse, she loved it all.

The two meet in the middle of the room, spluttering out words including “like”, “date”, and “tomorrow”. Spencer then takes a breath before speaking. “Y/N, I really like you, and I was hoping, maybe, I, uh, could take you to dinner tomorrow night?”

Y/N looks down at the floor of the bullpen. “Are you sure you’d wanna go out with me? I’m sure I’m not Dr. Reid’s type and all..” She recalls seeing what Maeve had looked like, so going from Maeve to her made thoughts run all through her head, thinking Spencer wouldn’t want to be with her.

“You’re kidding, right? Looks don’t matter to me. All I can about is if we’re happy, and what’s on the inside; your personality is the only thing I care about, and, of course, if you can get along with the team. Which, you can. Besides, you’re so pretty, and funny, and just… everything I could ever ask for.”

Y/N smiled softly before looking up at Spencer, extending her hand. He takes her hand in his and shakes it, confused nonetheless.

“It’s a date, Dr. Reid."

She linked her arm through his as they walked to the other side of the bullpen. "As long as we’re talking terms though, the tea you made me? I’m going to need you to make me that every day..”

r is writing... this is my first time writing for a specific type of character, so I really hope you enjoy it. I really like the direction I went with it, but, then again, that is just my personal opinion. Again, thank you for the request!

r is signing off...

#rhyanwritesstuff #request #requests open #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid x plus size!reader

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clonemedickix · 10 months

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OC CT 2403 Volte, Chief Medical Officer of Dragon Company.

Volte is trained in the field medicine of the GAR but also in methods of first response from other galaxies.

Rating: Explicit Adult themes

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Category: F/M

Fandoms: Star Wars: The Bad Batch (Cartoon)Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media TypesThe Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. TolkienGame of Thrones (TV)Star Wars - All Media Types

Excerpt:

“Her heart stopped. Primer, Boost, get over here and help!” Volte started pumping on her chest, compressing her blood for her since her heart had quit its job. “Boost, you watch the bleeding on her abdomen. It’s going to need reinforcement. Primer, you get over here, give her a breath when I tell you to.” Volte kept up the compressions, suddenly stopping at his count of thirty and barked “Two breaths now Primer!” He watched for chest rise critically and then immediately resumed compressions. Volte did another round, ordering Primer to breathe for her again once more, then he checked for a pulse. This went on for a good ten minutes - compressions, breathe, compressions, breathe, check pulse. Finally, her heart started beating on its own, and she was breathing, albeit shallowly. He sat back on his haunches, watching her, making sure she kept breathing. Dank ferrick, she was so pale. He may not have a choice about the blood transfusion if she was going to make it.

Primer watched Volte critically and finally asked “Well, do we need to do something else? What do we need to do, Volte?” He felt frustrated, terrified and angry. At himself, at this Lord Sideous that had given the order to kill Lara. He couldn’t bring himself to think about what he would do if she died because of their actions. He was so wound up, he was about ready to throttle Volte for not having the answers to his questions. He saw Volte look at him with slightly wild, frightened eyes.

“She needs blood, Primer. I didn’t want to try it because we are human and she’s… whatever she is. I was afraid our blood wouldn’t match and that can kill her just as fast as bleeding to death.” He took a deep steadying breath. “I don’t think we can deny it to her now. We’ve got to try something.”

Primer looked at his medic, realizing the truth of his words. He was stuck between his own personal knowledge of the General, and the rumors that had always surrounded her existence. Few knew for a fact that she was immortal, a true goddess. He struggled to believe she would actually die on them, though she gave every appearance of trying very hard at the moment. If she was as powerful as he’d always been led to believe by Cody, Echo and Fives, and Rex, then surely her body would be able to handle the blood donation from a clone. Primer took a deep breath, and said “I’ll do it Volte. Hook up whatever you need to, and I’ll give her the blood. If something happens, it’ll be my problem and no one else’s.” Besides, he’d made promises to Rex he had to keep; though more often he kept those promises for himself. He had to at least try for Lara’s sake; he couldn’t lose her.

Volte nodded quickly and grabbed Primer’s hand, placing the fingertips on her carotid artery. “If you feel the pulse stop, start compressions. The compressions are the most important part.”

Volte scuttled over to his pack quickly, dumping it upside down to find the contents he needed. He was in too big of a hurry to dig for stuff blindly. He called over to Boost, who was still holding pressure on her bandages. “Boost, how is the bleeding?”

“The bandages are getting soaked; she’s bleeding through. Want me to change them?” Boost looked up at the medic, his eyes full of anxiety. He wasn’t sure how exactly but he wanted to help as best he could.

“No, here.” Volte tossed more gauze packs at him. “Reinforce what you have there. Keep the pressure on.”

Volte continuing digging through the pile of supplies, looking for an IV spike and some venous catheters. He really needed another set of hands. Someone would need to take over for Primer if he was going to be the donor. There was a small crowd of clones growing on the periphery of their impromptu surgical area. Glancing up, Volte saw two men he knew had some extra medical training, cutting through the group of concerned men. He felt a surge of relief. “Turk, Dorian! Get over here. Y’all take over the CPR on the General if she needs it.” The two clones nodded without a word and moved to her side. Primer got up and moved to her other side, as Volte found the equipment he needed and stumbled back to Primer. Primer quickly took off the gauntlet and bicep guard on his left arm, rolling up the sleeve of his body glove for access to his veins. Volte tied a tourniquet on hurriedly, giving Primer’s veins time to build up a little stasis. The medic quickly cleaned Primer’s arm with a disinfectant, then reached back to insert the small cannula into a vein. He’d already connected tubing to the cannula, and with one hand he opened a small clamp to allow blood to flow back into it. He left the tubing down, to allow the blood to flow by gravity into a bag, and secured the tubing to Primer’s arm to stabilize it. As soon as he got some volume into the bag, he spiked another port on the bag with filtered tubing. Volte reached over and cleaned Lara’s arm quickly, then tied another tourniquet on her bicep, popping the skin to try and raise a vein. They were all very flat; she had bled so much. He was going to have to fish for a vein. Grasping the IV catheter, he delicately inserted it beneath her skin, going for a vessel that was at least visible and feeling for the exterior wall of the lumen. As carefully as he could, he felt his way with the tip of the catheter and felt the tissue give a faint pop when it went through the wall of the vein. Volte clicked the mechanism to withdraw the needle; he saw blood well back through the catheter and sighed in relief. He’d gotten it in with one try. Volte popped the tourniquet, attaching the tubing to the catheter now in her arm. He quickly allowed blood to start flowing through the filter tubing to the General. Volte secured the tubing to Lara’s arm as well; he dropped the level of the bag to take blood from Primer and then, clamping it off, he raised it above his head and unclamped Lara’s side of the tubing, allowing it to flow into her.

Volte couldn’t take too much of Primer’s blood at one time, but he kept track of the amount as closely as he could. He pulled two units, about six to seven hundred milliliters out, giving it to the General. While he was completing the transfusion, he heard Turk say to Dorian “Pulse stopped - start compressions Dorian.” Turk’s eyes flicked to Volte’s quickly as Dorian started pumping on Lara’s chest again, working to get the blood flowing that the medic was rushing to give her. Volte lightly compressed the bag, working to administer it faster. Dorian counted off his compressions just like the General had taught them, and when he got to thirty he stopped to allow Turk to give her two breaths. Dorian rolled right back into compressions as soon as the breaths were in. He didn’t stop until he got to thirty again. Turk gave her another couple of breaths and then checked for a pulse. “I’ve got a pulse. And… she’s breathing. Okay. We’re okay.” Turk spoke it more to himself, as if for reassurance.

Primer watched with a helpless feeling. She’d trained them for just about every scenario she could think of, but it was always to save themselves, to help their fellow clones. Lara had never imparted any education on how to save herself. She’d never considered that her own men would betray her. Volte finished pushing the donated blood into the General, then clamped the tubing off. He fiddled in this bag for a little package containing a small cap, and when he removed the tubing from her arm, he placed the cap over the catheter instead, to keep access to her vein. Volte reached over and removed the tubing and IV access from Primer’s arm, giving him a tiny piece of gauze to cover the site. “Volte, is she going to make it?” Primer was afraid to ask, but he had to know.

The medic leaned over her, placing his hand on her carotid pulse, then laying it gently over her chest. He could feel her heartbeat; it felt steady and stronger this time. She was breathing; it was regular and not ragged or shallow. He was afraid to hope much, but he felt there was a chance. As long as she didn’t reject the blood transfusion. “LT we will just have to give her time. If she doesn’t have a transfusion reaction, then it should help her. And if needed we will know we can give her more if she doesn’t have issues and keeps bleeding. But I think the next steps are going to be completely up to her.” Volte got fresh bandages from his bag and reached over to Boost. “Let me change them now, and somebody is going to need to give up their shirt to tie on a pressure dressing.”

#starwars fandom #starwars the clone wars #starwars fanfic #starwars fanart #star wars #starwars #the clone wars fan #the clone wars fanart #the clone wars fanfiction #the clone wars #the clones #clone wars

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aer-arts · 2 months

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alright, here goes, this is Aer rambling about Eden from Despair Time for however long this ends up being (preemptive apology if this is long and incomprehensible) some preliminary context, Danganronpa Despair Time is a Danganronpa fan series over on YouTube, it’s really good so far (I find myself liking it more than the canon games) and I’m going to be mentioning spoilers

Anyway, Eden is easily one of my favorite characters in the cast, and part of that is because she’s such a refreshing take on the nice/optimistic character trope. The thing that sets Eden apart however is her views on being nice/optimistic. Most of the time, when a character falls into this category, them being nice is simply innate to their character. Blank acts nice because they are just a nice person. Additionally, I just don’t see a lot of explicitly optimistic characters, and I feel like when they are around it’s seen as weakness and/or being naive in series or by the fans. Eden however is unique in the simple fact that she states ‘Kindness is a choice and that I’m not being weak when I choose to be optimistic.’ (Paraphrasing of course)

and that little detail is so much more interesting to me, and arguably feels more human. It’s easy to be rude or mean to someone, especially if people have been the same to you. Being kind and respectful is a choice you consciously have to make. Throughout the series everyone has just been awful to Eden, pretty much every attempt she’s made to be friendly to others has gone wrong for reasons outside of her control. So it’s telling and impactful to me that she still makes the choice to be kind. She’s not doing it to gain anything, “relationships are not transactional”, instead she’s doing it because that’s how she wants to live. This creates the idea of ‘you aren’t a good person because you were born that way, you’re a good person because you choose to be that way’ which is a message I don’t see often and I feel could be a really interesting theme going forward. Also, it’s worth pointing out that Eden isn’t above blackmail, in context I do feel like it’s justified and Teruko needed that motivation because isolation is terrible for you, but still, kindness is a choice and being kind doesn’t make you immune to using underhanded tactics. Her optimism falls into a similar boat as well. Despair time doesn’t seem to be about hope like mainline, it’s more about trust and distrust. But Eden still someone embodies the idea of hope. From personal experience, it’s really easy to fall into a pessimistic mindset and it just sucks. Looking for the good in things not only helps improve my own mental health, but it makes it easier to just enjoy things. Even bad things can have silver linings or aspects that are well done. Being able to find these elements makes life worth living in my book. As mentioned, Eden has had an especially awful time this series and likely blames herself for the death of at least 2 people. (I’ve seen comments saying that she got over Arei’s death too fast and that makes her sus, my counter argument is that no, she didn’t, she’s just putting off her grief because she needs to focus if she doesn’t want to die, I’ll bet that after this trial she’ll allow herself to feel said grief. The trial system is not designed to let people process their emotions) Additionally, while her secret is arguably one of the most harmless ones, it’s effects on Eden are a bit hard to tell just cause we don’t know much about her life prior to the killing game, it still causes her worry about how she relates to others and opening that window of ‘depending on how people react I may be outcasted by everyone I trusted’. My point in this is that Eden is aware that the world sucks and that things don’t always go well, but she still chooses to be hopeful despite that. Her optimism is a strength, and it’s how she’s choosing to fight the high stress environment of the killing game

In this way, in my opinion at least, the cast, or at least Teruko, needs Eden. Not necessarily in a reliance way but in a counter balance way. I love the cast, but for the most part they all suck and kinda hate each other. Due to all of their flaws the cast feels so human but it also feels like a The Good Place scenario where the cast is specifically tailored to bring out the worse in one another. You cannot power of friendship your way out of this, I mean, you might but this cast can’t, there’s literally been 3 attempted (only 1 succeeded) murders and 1 accidental on. Which, side note, is actually really interesting and unique cause official stuff does play into the friendship route. In this mess where no one trusts each other, Eden provides a counter, she chooses to trust others because not trusting others is a worse idea. If the theme is trust vs distrust, and our protege falls heavily into the distrust category, Eden is needed to show the other side of the conflict. It’s for these reasons that I really don’t want her to be a twist villain

idk what’s gonna happen with Eden in future chapters, but I do think it would be a waste of her character. On one hand, that would undermine the idea of relationships not being transactions, and instead reinforce Teruko’s trust issues and kinda say ‘people are only kind to you because they want something/have something to gain’. On the other, it’s just an overdone trope. I mean, I get why it’s an interesting twist, but also we have David so if Eden is also a terrible person it won’t be as impactful. It’s just overall more unique and different if the nice character is genuinely just a nice character until the end because you don’t see that. Either the nice character dies early or they’re secretly evil, because being nice is a weakness. (I know this isn’t the case, trust me, but you know what I mean)

If Eden sticks around for a while and isn’t evil, I can see her going down 2 different routes. Either what Teruko said will happen and Eden will eventually break under all the pressure and grief. Which defiantly could be interesting and I’d be curious to see how it affects others. The other route is the one I prefer. And it’s that Eden survives until the end (or near end) and proves her mindset right. Let her overcome this awful situation through being kind and trusting others. Have her show that people can change and become better and how helping others is how you survive and thrive. The killing game feeds on distrust and hatred, so let her counter that.

I very much look forward to seeing where this series goes, and I could be completely wrong about all of this. I could probably write a whole paper about this topic and how all the characters feed into it, but I won’t. You’re all very much allowed to disagree with me, this is just my thoughts and interpretations. I just wanted to ramble some

#danganronpa despair time #drdt #Cringe posting on main #Sorry guys

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yuesya · 11 months

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As much as I would like to continue speculating about the Shiki vs. Satoru snippet ad nauseam, there's a lot I'd like to discuss about the most recent chapter.

The first of these topics is Geto. Now that the story in question is moving closer to the canon prologue (Jujutsu 0) I think now is an appropriate time to make my opinion on the movie known in that it was… meh.

Don’t get me wrong there were many things I liked about the film, but unfortunately Geto fell into the dislike category for me. The reason for that was largely due to his portrayal. In the film he’s more or less presented as an egotistical genocidal maniac who is driven by an ideology of supernatural supremacy, which seems rather lackluster in a series that has an abundance of layered characters.

Because of this portrayal I’d say that Geto loses a great deal of nuance in the film, reducing him to what is essentially a one dimensional villain when that isn’t the case at all. As crazy as it sounds there is actually a method to Geto’s madness; if there are no more humans then there are no more curses and if there are no more curses then there are no more dead sorcerers. By eliminating the mundane society it simultaneously addresses the root cause of curses, essentially killing two birds with one stone.

Moreover, this isn’t just some crazy conspiracy theory that he came up with out of nowhere since it’s substantiated by the fact that the countryside (where less people live) spawns less curses of lesser power. In that context Geto is more akin to someone with a twisted messiah complex rather than a divine Darwinist since he’s undertaking what he sees as a necessary evil to stop the suffering of all sorcerers. Unfortunately, it’s a message that he fails to get across throughout the film, which makes it extremely jarring when we explore his past via Satoru’s memories.

Yes, I get that there’s a backstory arc that goes more in depth on the subject later, but it still doesn’t change for me what was a horrible first impression. So I suppose that I’m ultimately congratulating you for leveraging the advantages of written media to flesh out his character, so kudos you! I hope this characterization carries over to the canon timeline.

On a side note; if you're looking to implement that Cybele OC in Zenith of Stars, or any other story, why not make it so that Geto saves her instead of Satoru? That as you could imagine would be a disaster since he would more likely venerate her rather than try to constrain her. It could also serve as a parallel for Kara no Kyoukai's Shiki vs. Asagami fight.

The second topic I'd like to move on to is the Fushiguro siblings and how Shiki’s presence could affect them. More specifically, I’m referring to whether or not Shiki will be able to do anything for Tsumiki after she is cursed? After all, one of the big selling points of the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception is their ability to kill concepts, mainly manifested through nullifying mage-craft or in this instance curses but also capable of erasing abstract phenomena such as diseases.

I’d imagine that Shiki would discover such an application of her cursed technique through Yuzuki, erasing his illness moments before it finally kills him. So the question remains whether or not Shiki would be able to do anything for Tsumiki once a curse befalls her, potentially altering Megumi’s entire character arc if the answer is ‘yes.’

Lots to touch on here! Let's seeee

I agree with you that the JJK0 movie casted Geto as more of a "flat villain," likely due to variety of factors and constraints. It probably didn't help that JJK0 was largely Okkotsu's story, so Geto's reasoning and motivation were never really explored in any detail. To Okkotsu, Geto was just a villain who waltzed in out of nowhere and tried to destroy everything and hurt his friends, so that's the portrayal we got I guess.

The only hint of something more to Geto as a character was in... what, the three lines of dialogue with Gojo right before he died?

I actually read the manga before finding the JJK0 short and later watching the movie, so for me I went into the pre-canon tidbit with context for things. If I'd read JJK0 first, I'd probably be a little unimpressed with Geto too; I think the Hidden Inventory arc definitely adds a lot more nuance to him (and Gojo as well). Hopefully at least a little bit of that is reflected in zenith of stars haha.

Cybele OC won't be added to the ongoing story! In terms of Mystic Eyes, the Mystic Eyes of Death Perception are the only ones we'll be seeing in zenith of stars.

It would be a fun thing to have the Cybele OC run into Geto, though. Although in that case, it's likely that Geto picks the OC up in the countryside at some point. If OC had their disastrous accident in the city, then there would be no escaping from the jujutsu administration.

I'd imagine that OC would be sent with Miguel to delay Gojo during the Night Parade? OC isn't able to 'petrify' Gojo, but they can hinder his movements with a sort of minor paralysis effect instead. And... maybe this extra delay gives Geto the few additional moments he needs to escape successfully.

Fushiguro siblings! I do intend to have the Fushiguro siblings show up again in the next chapter, although so far Gojo has been taking the spotlight haha.

In regards to Tsumiki being cursed, I have some loose plans in mind. I can confirm that I do plan on exploring the idea of 'killing concepts,' but that's all I'll say for now. :D

Thanks for sharing your speculations! It's fun to see what other people think and makes me excited to write more for future events haha.

#QA #zenith of stars #cybele oc

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spirithunts · 6 months

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» — ⌜HUNGER & ITS IMPACT ON CONNECTION.⌟

ahri's need to feed on people's spiritual essence is as much a basic need as a normal human's hunger — although it does not remove her need to also get nourishment from actual food. it is canon that the vastaya are highly attuned to the magic around them, which allows them to thrive (and that its absence impacts them).

ahri does not seem highly impacted by leaving an environment with an enormous amount of spiritual magic, like ionia, to travel to a place like bilgewater, where magic may be present but wouldn't be as naturally abundant — and i deduce this might be related to her tribe having evolved differently, perhaps because of their frequent travels (some of them did establish themselves for research in the blessed isles, and i assume others may have wandered to other places), which led them to actively absorb magic instead of passively doing so as seems to be the case with other vastaya.

which is an elongated explanation to say my headcanon is the vesani evolved to actively feed on spiritual essence as a means of acquiring sustenance for the magical part of their beings, which includes their powers but also affects them physically and mentally.

in her short stories and other content, ahri is said to feed on people's essences, although it isn't always explicitly established what this essence is. most of her depictions, however, make it clear this includes people's feelings and memories. her color story suggests this is all there is to it; but given that taken to an extreme her feeding on someone doesn't simply make them numb or wipes their memory clean but actually kills them, i believe whatever comprises one's life force is also absorbed in that process — which is why even if she doesn't kill someone, anyone she feeds on will be weakened for a time.

this also means she wouldn't feed on any kind of being, as well. any undead, ghostly or spirit-like sort of creature would not be seen as prey, and while she would be able to sense their feelings, she would not be able to feed on them. as a result, they do not pose a challenge to her control, no matter how intense their feelings and memories.

personally, i would also include demons in that category, as they do not live and exist the same way as mortals do, but like spirits and wraiths and whatnot, they have (or can have) memories and emotions.

in ruined king, ahri absorbs viego's memories, but not directly from him — rather, she absorbs them from the mist around gangplank, after viego is no longer controlling him. she might be able to see memories even from the creatures she cannot really feed on, but i honestly believe the indirect way this happens suggests it's either due to the mystical nature of the mist, or the contact with a living being making it possible.

another interesting thing to note is that maokai, who as per his bio is a spirit, seems to willingly share his memories with ahri, as he shows her what the blessed isles were like and asks that she, in turn, show/tell the others about it. the fact he is not at all harmed by it and that the process is done consciously (while when feeding ahri cannot control what is or isn't taken, as she states in that same game in an interaction with sarah), with him choosing what to share, also suggests to me the way her powers interact with beings other than living mortals is different, and she neither hungers nor harms them with these abilities as she would living mortals.

for that reason, i also think being around sentient beings that are not living mortals is much easier for her — and something greatly appreciated, depending on who she's around of course. regardless of the specifics, though, the fact she does not hunger to feed on them in itself allows ahri to be far more relaxed than she usually is, because she doesn't need to fear giving in to the hunger and losing control. being around 'normal' people can be strenuous and difficult, and it's always tiresome, because she never wants to let her guard down and possibly hurt someone. in ruined king, another conversation addresses this when she speaks to illaoi, who questions how little she sleeps — to which ahri replies she prefers to stay awake around them, as to be fully in control. the constant state of alert to keep herself in check would certainly take a toll on her after extended periods of time.

and at the end of the day, while she isolates herself to avoid hurting people, ahri longs for companionship. she wants people near. she wants to be able to love and be loved without fear. and i think that's simply made a lot easier when she's not near constantly struggling against her need to feed. she tends to feel a lot more at ease, comfortable and relaxed around people who are not living mortals, as a result. i mentioned maokai, and ahri is visibly at ease with him at the same time she tries to avoid the rest of the group in ruined king (with the exception being pyke! and the two of them have some really interesting interactions about their respective natures and clearly form a kinship over it).

to my ahri specifically, i think that's also part of why she was more open to eve from the start; their similar instincts, but also the fact she could finally relax around someone and not be afraid of losing control and killing them definitely contributed to why ahri would allow her to get closer.

as a side note not necessarily related to the hunger and feeding aspect of it, her nature allows her to recognize other inhuman beings immediately a lot of the time (as i expect she would be recognized in turn). and around them her attitude tends to be somewhat different. not that her personality isn't the same, or that there are drastic changes, but a lot of the barriers she puts between herself and others are immediately down. using pyke as an example, they have this dialogue:

that in my opinion makes that very clear. she's not afraid to get straight to the point because she feels they are, in a way, similar. he is someone she can understand; not someone she has to be afraid of hurting, not someone who would scorn her for being a monster. all of this — being able to recognize other beings as inhuman, regardless of what exactly they are, as well as not being able (or feeling the urge) to feed on them makes considerably simpler for ahri to not hold herself back as much as she usually does, which results in her being often a lot more blunt and less evasive than she'd usually be.

#i was writing a reply and stopped to write this #because. a little important? to my portrayal? maybe?#at least for some interactions ig #some characters will make her hungy. others won't #sdjnfkasnfaksdnf #she prefers to be around the ones who won't 😔#» out of character — ⌜main sup irl.⌟#» character study — ⌜as the seasons change so do i.⌟

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