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magicxc · 2 years

Text

Twice My Age

Pairings: Andy Barber x Black!Fem!Reader

Summary: After a spring break trip doesn’t go as planned, reader quickly finds another way to make up for the inconvenience.

Word Count: 6461

Warnings: Explicit 18+, Unprotected Sex, Exhibitionism, Spit 4 Lube, Size Kink Kinda, Clit Slapping, Aggressiveness??, Degradation

A/N: Not the deadline being in February and me just getting this done. *hides in shame* Sheesh @tom-whore-dleston, when I tell you I was fighting for time omg.

I’m just really glad I managed to push this out. It’s a wee bit of a slow burn because I had so much I wanted to get off my chest with daddy Andy for obvious reasons lol. I wanted to flesh out each character and even extend this piece to a cute lil mini series, but my brain was like nahh, give her the smoot ASAP!!

So I gave you the smoot 😉 with my prompt being Dads Best Friend and my character being Andy Barber, I present to you:

A snippet of my brain.

P.S. also wanna congratulate Jordan on her increasingly growing followers. She’s such a gem and deserves every good thing life has to offer <3

P.P.S. lol besties, I’m writing this with tears in my eyes because I don’t remember this piece from memory and my stupid, fucking computer deleted the edited version when I had like TWO fucking lines left. Bout to cry again, omg. But anyway, I just wanted to mention that I had LOADS of fun jumping from character to character and even shared a concern or two that things may seem confusing. But I’m super positive that I was able to tie up all loose ends and write this in a way that was easy to digest.

You know that saying that goes something along the lines of you’re only friends with some people because you see them five days a week? Well what if I told you that, that same saying rings true for college buddies too? That even though you may only see your classmates twice a week for bio, or your roommates at night time, or your teammates during practice - a big part of your friendships are formed strictly out of convenience. Steph from Chem? Yeah you think you’re best friends now, but what about two years down the line when she’s no longer lending you her periodic table sheet. Or how about Lenny from the cultural arts club? How cool do you think you’ll be when there are no more study abroad trips to be experienced? And this is not to say that there are any hard feelings that linger, but more so to say that people grow apart. And sometimes the bonds that you form with them aren’t as deeply rooted as you’d like to believe. All it takes is a little time, some distance, a new family - or in this case, all three.

That was what happened between Andrew and Andy. They’d actually started out as, what’s the word - ahh yes, frenemies. In all honesty, there was really no good reason for them to be "beefing" as the kids call it. It was more so the fact that Andys boys didn’t get along with Andrews; and they just so happened to get caught up in the collateral damage of it all. But all that changed come junior year when it dawned on them that they were going to be roommates.

Ha, talk about awkward. Oh trust that they both went bitching to every ear that was willing to listen, writing every letter to anyone that would read it. But unfortunately their RC wasn’t having any of it. That bitch blocked them every step of the way, cementing their living circumstances. Something about one of them being an Aquarius in mercury gatorade. Man, those astrology psychos are annoying. Just the other day one of the coffee shop baristas mentioned that oat milk being her preference is the Scorpio in her - whatever that means.

But as the weeks rolled on by, Andy found that Drew wasn’t so bad to be around after all. The tension became thinner, he found himself laughing at a joke or two, and their conversations grew beyond the occasional "are we out of paper towel?" Truth be told, the drama surrounding their friend group never had anything to do with them in the first place and they soon came to the conclusion that they should’ve formed their own opinions on one another unbiasedly.

Junior year turned into senior year and senior year formed a brotherhood. Andy and Andrew found themselves joined at the hips, as some would say. Where one was, the other wasn’t too far behind, more would joke. They had classes together, shared a living space together, got shit faced drunk together, and in the months to come, managed to walk across the stage together.

But something shifted after graduation. Now that they were done with undergrad, with Andy in law school and Andrew in medical, time together seemed a distant memory. Hitting up the local frat parties? Done. Starting food fights in the cafeteria? Finished. Petty arguments over bone-in or boneless wings? Miss it. Them living in the same quarters? No more.

And even though they would meet up once or twice a week for a couple of beers to catch up on daily life, after a while, even that seemed strained. And that was the time. Time spent away from one another to create a life worth living, to build a legacy they busted their asses for.

The distance came several years down the line when Drew got a job opportunity down in Atlanta. And while Andy was excited for him, he was also super bummed to see his buddy leave Bawston. Of course they would still communicate, but it was nothing like being able to catch up in person. Though, he’ll admit that ATL definitely seemed like a good fit for him for the simple fact that Drew constantly bitched about the cold weather, so Andy figured some southern sunshine would thaw him out good. Not to mention the food and the women, shit he was considering moving down there with him. And that was the distance.

The family eventually came later. Shortly after Drew left for the south, Andy met Laurie. A couple years later, he popped the question, Jacob came into the picture and then they walked down the aisle - where Andrew stood as his best man. It was there that Andy met Drew’s soon to be wife Sienna, whose water just so happened to break during the reception. Sheesh, talk about bad timing. They’d never seen Laurie so hysterical and not for the bouncing bundle of joy no; it was something about ruining her moment. In all fairness, the baby could’ve waited a little bit longer.

But that was a baby Andy, unfortunately, didn’t get the chance to see past her second birthday. The older he and Drew got, it seems the more life pulled them apart. And while they’d still manage to hit each other up for the latest play offs or upcoming birthdays, nothing beats their times together, creating chaos through the university halls. Nonetheless, Andrew and Andy remained the best of buds no matter their time spent away from one another. Drew knew that at the end of the day Andy would do just about anything for him. And it seemed anything was on the other end of the line as Andy watched the name flash across his phone screen.

|~~

The shrill alarm that rings in my ear is enough to piss me off already. And it’s such a shame because the day just started. But I was never an early riser to begin with. My only saving grace is that I was one day closer to five days worth of a spring break. The downside you may ask? I have nowhere to spend it.

It seems my parents are dishing out a little “tough love” as they call it. I mean yeah, I maxed out my credit card, but when would I ever get the chance to snatch some meet and greet tickets for the bad gyal again? Fucking never is the answer. We all know that woman is iffy when it comes to music, let alone tours, so I jumped at the chance to see her. But the queen doesn’t come cheap. And apparently neither did those bank notes. Man, I don’t think I’d ever seen my parents so upset. They legit had me scared to even look at my phone, jumping at the slightest beep in case it was them calling to give me an earful again.

Snoozing the offending noise, I tuck myself beneath the covers only for my mind to wait in anxious anticipation of when the piercing sound will shriek again. Realising that there’s not much sleep in my future, I chuck the covers to the side, roll out of bed, and head for the shower, ready to get a start on my tumultuous day.

|~~

“Stopping every time you get unmotivated means that you lack discipline,” my professor preached from the front of the class. “Discipline will make you do things naturally and effortlessly, whereas motivation just depends on your mood.”

“Yeah well I’m disciplined, if not determined, enough to make my trip to Mexico this weekend,” Kyle shouts from the corner of the room.

“I wish you’d show that same energy in your class work,” the professor retorted.

“Sorry Mr. Banks, but how am I really gonna use this philosophy class in my daily life?” he quips. “I mean, sure the conversations are thought provoking, but how will any of this help me in the real world?”

With a deep, heavy sigh my professor drops his head and utters the fact that he wished he lacked the same critical thinking skills as Kyle, and how happy he seems in his daily life without it.

My mouth curves into a jaw dropping smile and the entire class erupts into a series of gasps and laughter, way too stunned that the mild mannered and soft spoken professor had such a savage moment.

“Kyle,” Mr. Banks huffed “and this goes for anyone else that feels the same way. If you have managed to make it to week 14 out of a 16 week semester with me, with the idea that this class only serves as an elective, don’t even show up for finals.”

“Oh I wasn’t going to do that anyway,” Sarah chirps from behind me. “Catch me in Cali by 10pm tonight.”

“Well let me give you a head start. Get out,” Mr. Banks demands.

A hushed silence falls upon the classroom as Sarah awkwardly unzips her bag to pack her belongings; everyone else having realised that maybe we have gone too far with the professor.

“As I was saying, motivation is based purely on internal inspiration and discipline can be thought of as the strategy or the force behind which you get there. Both motivation and discipline are important yet codependent in achieving the goals you set for yourself. And for your final, I’d like you to write a ten page paper on how you use them in your daily lives. How you were able to overcome one of life’s many hurdles. Maybe even how you’ve used both to succeed in my classroom. Take tomorrow’s class time as an extra day to mull over your thoughts. The paper is due two weeks from now. Stay safe, enjoy your breaks, and come back prepared to discuss the effects of nature vs nurture. And while there may be no stupid questions, I do believe in stupid answers; you’re dismissed!

“Well damn, what crawled up his ass,” Michelle snickered from beside me.

“He’s just tired of yall shit,” Walter grumbled as he headed for the door.

“Anyways,” Michelle sassed, turning toward me. “I cant believe your parents cut you off.”

“Right! It’s not like they don’t have money to spare, why they insist on being so stingy with me is unbelievable.”

“Mhmm, wish you could come,” she pouted.

“WiSh YoU cOuLd ComE,” I mocked. “Michelle, money is the very least of your problems, if you really wanted me to come, you’d spot me.”

“Last time I checked, I wasn’t an ATM beloved so I suggest you sort that out,” she chided. “Preferably before they start renovations on the west wing.”

“ON THE WHAT?? That’s where we stay,” I bawled.

“Duh, that’s why I’m telling you.”

Grabbing our things, we carry on in light conversation, mostly of Michelle telling me about all the fun activities she has planned for the trip. And as we head back to the dorms where I’ll, no doubt, have to watch her pack her suitcases and rub it into my face, I briefly wonder why I continue to hang out with such shallow individuals.

|~~

“But daddddd,” I whined into the phone. “In all fairness, you never told me I had a limit on the card.”

“Listen to me and listen to me good. I will continue to cover your books, tuition and whatever class related miscellaneous fees that may come up, but anything else is on you. So you better find out who’s hiring.”

“Ok, but they’re literally going to be renovating the west wing on campus, something about a pipe failure - which means NO water,” I protested.

“Y/N, water will be the very least of your worries if you have to come down here for spring break.”

Gulping, I decide that now is the time to shut the hell up. My dad is the more easy going parent and to have him this fuming at me honestly has me a little bummed. I mean, I used to have him wrapped around my finger and ever since my little sister was born, its like fuck how I feel. He then goes on to tell me how DiSaPpOiNtEd he is in me and if that’s the same recurring speech I have to listen to when I go back home, I think I’ll take my chances dying of thirst up here. So much for choosing a college out of state, I still have to hear my parents bitch and moan. Who woulda thought.

I manage to make up some lie about campus admin allowing students to stay in the east wing dorms for the time being, and as usual my parents eat that shit up. Before saying our goodbyes, daddy mentions his lawyer buddy Andy and how he lives not too far away just in case anything may come up. I honestly forgot Andy even existed and just as I’m about to reject it, mum mentions the neighbourhood that he resides in. And that brings a sly grin to my face.

While I may not be able to slut it up in Miami with the rest of the girlies, I can at least use up some of their free resources. And in that moment, I decide to set up a tinder account, hoping to find men in Andy's neighborhood. Maybe then I’ll get some sucker to spend some racks and really make my spring break worth it. Saving his number in my phone, I hang up from my parents and give him a quick call - watching as his number flashes across my screen.

|~~

Driving into the diners lot, I park and touch up my lipstick, capturing a quick selfie to upload to my dating profile. I’d be lying if I said that was the only reason I came here with a face beat for the gawds. I don’t remember much about Andy, except for the fact that he’s daddy’s bestie. But while we were on the phone, I noticed something very…sexy in the way he spoke. The way it steadily drifted through the line, all warm and buttery. I know Andy is supposed to be a family friend or whatever, but if he’s forty then so am I cause ya girl is ready to see if the face matches the voice.

I picked the diner, feeling most comfortable in this setting. This place has seen me through some of my drunkest moments, stuffing my face with their fluffy pancake goodness. And it seemed neutral enough cause who doesn’t like to eat, plus the people here are so nice.

Stepping inside, I scan the crowd, examining every patron in hopes of spotting the man of the hour. It takes a moment until I meet the gaze of the blue eyed hawty, mouth curved into a small smile as I make my way over to the table.

|~~

Staring down at the menu, I notice that they have something by the name of a footlong hot dog. And my mind is beyond boggled cause where do they even find that much meat? No way all of that is real. No wonder the prices in here are so affordable, they’re feeding the customers mystery meat. Gently closing my menu, I slide it forward already knowing that I won’t be consuming much of anything. Hands clasped together on the table and eyes glued to the door I straighten up, and patiently wait for my new house guest.

Imagine my surprise when I got the call from Andrew that his baby girl needed a place to stay for the spring break. I was fixing to ask if money was becoming an issue for him until he told me that this was all a part of the tough love that he was giving her. I mean I get it, I’ve come close to strangling Jacob a time or two; and Andrews my boy, so I don’t mind doing him this favor. Plus I can imagine how lonely it must be around this time on college campus. I’m seriously hoping she’s something similar to her old man though. It’ll be great to have someone to play NBA live against; and if she’s anything like him, I’ll be kicking her ass in that too. Or maybe she likes to crack open a cold one, though Drew was a bit of a lightweight. And even though she might like -

My inner thoughts die on my tongue as I see this…this woman make her way towards me. Y/N? Drew’s Y/N? Body stiffening in my seat, I inhale a sharp breath of air, unable to help but notice what long legs she has. And those hips, how full they are. Even her breasts, the way it -

“Andy?” she asked curiously.

Beaming up at her, I let out a hearty laugh as I stand up to greet her with a hug; gesturing for us to sit down at the table. Introductions get exchanged as we take a seat to discuss what the next couple of days will be like.

“I only have one question,” I stated. “You maxed out Drews credit card to see RiRi?”

“Andy please, you would’ve too had the Backstreet Boys been coming to town,” she defended.

“Yeah, well unlike you, I can actually afford to see them."

If slack jaw buggy eyed was somewhere in the dictionary, it’d have a picture of her face next to it. Oh yeah I took it there, she better recognized.

“ANDY NO WAY YOU JUST CAME FOR MY LIFE LIKE THAT,” she shrieked.

“Loud again, what else is new?” the waitress asked as she pulled out a notepad. Her name tag reads Sugar and I find that too ironic.

“Sugar mama, don’t be acting brand new."

“So the usual then,” Sugar laughed.

“The usual,” Y/N confirmed.

“And for you sir?” She pointed at me.

“They have really good hotdogs here,” Y/N suggested.

“A cup of coffee will do.”

“Coming right up,” the waitress said. And with that, she left.

I wonder if Drew would hate me if he knew the impure thoughts I have running through my mind right now. Like on a scale of 1-10 how pissed can he reasonably be if I put his daughter through a mattress. This could all be a part of the tough love lesson right? Yeah that’s not gonna slide, even for me. Maybe I can make up some last minute excuse for her not to stay over cause, I’m not sure I can contain myself. A gentle hand sliding across mine brings me back to the present - apparently she’d been speaking to me.

“I was asking how’s your family, daddy mentioned that your son is almost in high school.”

“Yeah, I kinda want him to slow down. It seems just yesterday I was swaddling him in his blanket.”

“Yeah, well he can’t stay a kid forever, they gotta grow up.”

“That they do,” I said, swiping my tongue across my bottom lip.

A mug of coffee being slid in my direction breaks whatever the hell kind of trance I was in. But it isn’t until I go to grab it do I realise that Y/N’s hand still lingers on mine. An awkward clearing of the throat sounds from above as I watch the waitress slide a banana shake over to Y/N while simultaneously giving me the stink eye. She snatches her hand away and thanks the lady before grabbing a straw and sinking it in. An audible moan leaves her mouth and I’m itching to see how good the milkshake really is; but not from the cup.

“So spring break for you is going to be what, four to five days?”

“Five to be exact,” she says swallowing. “But I can leave sooner if need be.”

“No, not at all. I’m a man of accuracy is all,”

“Alright cool, I just need to make a quick stop to the mall first.”

“With what money?”

“Rule number one, smart ass, is always have multiple sources of income.”

|~~

I literally have $200 left to my name and that was from a wild ass girls night out. How I managed to come home $200 richer is beyond me, but I try not to question the Lord’s blessings. All I know is that broke or not, I’ll find a sale. And that’s how I found myself picking up everything in sight in this Bath and Body Works store. Anybody that knows me knows that I go crazy for these candles and I’ll be damned if I let daddies pettiness get in the way of my $12 sale.

Meanwhile Andy is over here swiping his card like his life depends on it; something about being a good friend to daddy. Dammit, I wonder if he needs another best friend. And he lives around the corner? I’ll tutor his son Jason in math or something if it means I’ll get spoiled like this.

Ok, so I managed to get away with BBW, Perfumania, and even Pink. Now I’m ready to see how deep those pockets really go as I step into Lane Bryant. I’ve been needing a new set of bras for a minute now and anyone with a big chest knows that they’re where it’s at for any decent bra. But imagine my surprise as I walk in the store and find that they’re promoting a sale of their newest lingerie line to drop. Well if it isn’t my lucky day. I’m running into sale after sale, shit I may just need to meet more of daddy’s friends.

“Andy, I think a surprise gift from here would send your wife over the moon,” I gushed while holding up a purple, mesh two piece set.

I’m thinking if he can get something out of this store run then maybe I wouldn’t have worn out my welcome so to speak. Cause I just spotted a leopard print bra that I CANNOT leave this store without and if I have to kiss some ass and pick out a thing or two for his wife, then so be it.

“I don’t know, purple isn’t really her color,” he hesitated.

“Well, what’s her color?” I urge.

“Hmm, for starters, she’s more into softer palettes. She likes to play it safe,” he says, tracing the outline of a bustier on the rack. “But uhh, I don’t think this is totally appropriate.”

“Andy, I’m a grown ass woman,” I protested. “I’ve found myself in more compromising situations; besides, a lady loves it when her man surprises her from time to time.”

Dammit, this isn’t enough. Andy’s looking less and less convinced by the minute. I mean earlier today, I practically finger fucked his hand back at the diner, he’s been spending money on me without a single ounce of complaint, but he draws the line at lingerie for his wife? No wonder daddy moved away, this town and its people are weird.

“I mean what better way to spice up a relationship right? And even if Laurie doesn’t like it, it’ll open up more doors to figure out what works best for y’all, hmm.”

Ok, so there’s some scratching of the head, I’m getting somewhere, he’s at least considering it. I just need something to tip him over to the edge.

“Sometimes these clothes can seem a little too intense but I promise it’s not so bad once you actually get it on some skin” I surmised. “Tell you what, I’ll even try on a few if you’re up to it?”

Hook, line, and sinker: got his ass. His open posture told me all I needed to know.

“There’s a few things that caught my eyes, surprise surprise,” I laughed. “Just pick out three items and meet me back at the dressing rooms,” I scream out as I make my way to the other end of the store, hoping to hurry the hell up before he comes to his senses.

|~~

Alright so I have three sets of bras, one corset, a teddy, and two pairs of lace panties; ya know, something light to hold me over into the next semester. I just have to make one more pit stop before the register I thought, sashaying into the dressing room. What’s the point in buying them if they don’t fit right?

As I’m preparing to change back into my clothes, a light tap on the door breaks my concentration and for a minute I forgot all about Andy boy out there. I decide to stay topless and open the door wide enough to give him a taste, just in case he’s coming here to give me some holier than thou sob story.

“Andy, did you find anything?”

“Uhh, ye-yeah,” he says attempting to avert his gaze. “I managed to get a few things I think Laurie would really appreciate.”

Thankfully he misses the sly smirk that dangles at the corner of my lips and all but shoves the items into my hand before marching in the other direction. I close the door and slap my hands over my mouth to suppress my laughter; cackling hysterically. Finally managing to have calmed down, I step back and actually take in what it is that he picked out.

First up is a mint green camisole silk set with the boy shorts to match - BORING. Where is this Laurie chick going, to a sleepover? After that, is a royal blue babydoll chemise and honestly, I cant even be mad at it, I’m a little impressed. For once it seems like they actually fuck. And last, but certainly not least, oh I think Andy is fucking with me on this one - its a midnight black two piece lace lingerinie with the garter belt to match; and I may just take this one home with me. No way his wife would actually wear this.

Game recognizes game, he just wants me to try it on cause it’s the only time he’ll ever see a woman dressed in one of these outside of a porn website. And after all the money he spent today, it’s only right that I put on a little show for him.

“Oh Andyyyy, there’s a snake in my boot,” I jested; trying my best to lighten the mood. “Coming to you straight outta Bawston, your newest Fenty line addition, let’s give it up for this silk two pieceeee. Can ya say green is my color?”

The chuckle that escapes him is rich. Honestly I should really get paid for this. I mean the joy that I bring to peoples lives, it’s a skill to be honest.

“Oh wow, you wear that better than the hanger,” he jokes.

“Don’t I? But how do you think Laurie will like it?”

“Oh I think it’s in the bag,” he whispers lowly.

“Alrighty, well let me go ahead and change into item number two,” I winked, walking back into the dressing room.

Now the next one is honestly sexy and a sure fire way to spice up whatever boring sex I’m sure he suffers from at home. For goodness sake, Laurie should thank him everyday he walks through that door without cheating. Considering this next piece falls like a dress, I’m wondering if I should be a little naughty and go commando. It’s not like we’re putting it back on the shelf, I mean if anything I’ll take it home if the wife doesn’t want it.

“Are you ready?” I asked, peeking from behind the door.

“As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“I mean this dress IS a little revealing Mr. Barber, I think it’s only right you step inside for this one.”

He releases a loud puff of air and I can see the war going on behind his eyes; actively fighting mind over body on if he’ll actually go through with this. But I’m so over his morals, I mean come on, we’ve already made it this far. And it’s not like I’ll go blabbering to my father about how I modeled lingerie to his best friend, so he might as well enjoy the show.

“This sale is really driving in the customers and I-I would hate to see you exposed while doing me a favor,” Andy rambles on.

Making his way toward the door in unsure steps, he gets within arm’s length and I drag him in the rest of the way, all too giddy for my own good. Closing the door behind me, I turn to Andy to find him frigid and noticeably uncomfortable; but that’s more so from those naughty thoughts he has swirling around in his head. And I think, why not make this interesting. Twirling around, I give him a complete 360 of the dress, pulling at all the places that would accentuate my curves. I even manage a soft moan or two in between and give a couple poses to really sell the point.

“So? Whaddya think?”

“I think that Laurie is in for a treat.”

Do I see beads of sweat? Ohhh my gosh, I cannot wait until I get ahold of Michelle.

“So item number two is a go?”

“It’s a go,” he mutters.

“The last ones up next, I won’t be long,” I promised.

He nods his head and shuffles his way to the door, only his eagerness has him bumping into the line of clothes I have hung up, each of them tumbling to the floor. He’s quick to mumble out apology after apology and I seize this opportunity to really send this man over the edge.

“Andy, it’s okay, I’ll pick it up. Just go around me, I won’t be long.”

Bending down, I grab each item and there’s a cool chill that reaches my heat, letting me know that I was fully exposed. It isn’t lost on me that the incessant chattering from behind had also stopped. BINGO! Raising up to my full height, I go to shoo Andy out the door, only to get slammed into the wall behind me. Pupils wildly dilated, Andy is hunched over me, heavily panting, as his warm breath fans over my face. There’s something about him that looks so feral and I almost cream at the sight.

“All day, I was confused,” Andy admitted. “Your hand on mine at the diner, the way you’d twinkle your eyes at me in each store, and even going so far as to help me pick out a few clothes for Laurie?”

“Andy, thats -“

“I thought, maybe this chick just comes off flirtatious, but now? Oh there’s no mistaking your intentions now.”

“And what are you going to do about it now that you know I find you sexy?” I challenged.

“I’m gonna give you what you want."

“Right now?” I panicked. “There are other shoppers in here too.”

“Guess you better be quiet then,” he said sliding his hands between my thighs.

Knocking from the other end of the door has my eyeballs bulging out of the sockets. Heart galloping in my chest, the only thing I can hear is its rapid beating. I’m stuck somewhere between answering it and pretending not to be here, but the way the lady is speaking from the other end, it’s safe to say the jig is up.

“Miss, are you okay, I heard a big bang on the other side of the wall,” the store associate chirped.

“YeAHHHH, so-sorry about that, I’m a bit clumsy today.” I responded.

Oh this one likes to play dirty huh. It was at that moment that he decided to push his fingers inside me and it took everything in me not to screech, cause for one I’m still sorta dry. And it’s not like Andy has small digits.

“That’s no problem love, just remember our store is having a BOGO free sale on bralettes for today only.”

Damn does she ever shut up. Ripping pierces my ears as Andy attempts to pull the chemise down to free my nipples. He effectively ruins the material and pops my boob into his mouth without a care.

“Also, you broke it you bought it. Happy shopping!” the sales lady sings as she skips away.

“Ugh bit- yeowww Andy stop,” I whisper yelled to him.

“I’m so sorry baby, I just got a little carried away.”

Popping my nipple back into his mouth, I feel my body start to slacken up if you catch my drift, which allows him to drive his fingers into me with a little more ease.

Andy builds up a nice little momentum. One hand is steadily tweaking my nipples while his mouth slobs on the other. His expert fingers continue to thrust into me, while he drags his thumb across my clit and each time I shiver ever so slightly. My hips begin to roll in rotation at this divine sensation and just as he feels my walls start to squeeze him a little too tightly, he yanks his hands out of me.

“If you think that Im gonna let you cum anywhere but my dick the first time we fuck, then you must be as slow as your pops thinks you are.”

“Okay rude,” I grumbled.

Andy pulls away from me and takes a seat on the mini bench, unbuckling his pants and placing his semi erect dick on full display. And oh my, what a display it is. I swear I almost drool at the sheer beauty of it. The way his precum slowly oozes out of the mushroom tip. The way that his angry, swollen veins strains against his delicate skin. And oh my, how can I resist the way that his dick twitches in anticipation, just begging for some sort of relief. Coming in at least eight inches, I’m ready to risk it all; daddys life long friendship be damned. He motions me forward with his fingers, yanking me toward him, the closer I get, until I’m kneeling before him - doe eyes gleaming with want.

“The only reason I dont have my dick touching the back of your throat right now is because I’m feeling a little eager today,” he boasted. “So get your ass up here and ride me facing the mirror so you can see what a whore looks like when they cum.”

Well shit, that’s if I haven’t come already. Oh boy, do I love my man with a twinge of aggression. Climbing into Andy’s lap, I hover above him and slowly sink myself onto his member until I reach the hilt; feeling the wind knocked out of me as I do so. My back to his chest, I inhale sharply, trying to remember to breathe as this man stretches me out.

“Don’t be shy, you can move,” Andy taunts.

“I just need a minute okay,” I sassed back.

Spitting on his fingers, Andy slaps it onto my clit and I jump up in a bit of painful shock. He does it again and a small shriek makes it way from the back of my throat. Only this time when his fingers land on my clit, he begins to rub them in figure eight motions. It gives me slight relief and I lean my head against his shoulders as I try building the strength to fuck this man; only a harsh grip on my jaw jolts me out of my solace.

“Oh no, none of that,” Andy states while facing my head forward. “You wanna spend my money like a grown woman, then you can get fucked like one too, so ride me NOW,” he enunciated with a firm squeeze to my cheeks.

My trembling hands linger over his thighs as I hold on for balance and start to steadily slide up and down his shaft.

“Oh come on, all that big shit you talked earlier, this is the best you can do?”

“Andy, I’m trying."

His hands speed up on my clit and finally the moisture that I need accumulates enough for me to slide down him with a little more ease. I manage to pick up my pace ever so slightly, blowing out small huffs of air in order not to scream out my delight.

“There you go princess, now you know what it feels like fuck on a real man huh?”

Nodding my head vigorously, he tuts in disapproval.

“No, Y/N I need words”

“Yes, Andy, Yes!” I moan out.

“Go ahead and tell me how I’ve ruined you for any other little college boys.”

“You’ve ru-ruined, ahh God.”

“God’s not here right now Y/N, get it together.”

The juices that I feel slithering down my thighs ought to have me ashamed. I have literally never had this reaction with another man before, and I’ve been with quite a few.

Bouncing on Andy’s dick in earnest, his steady assault on my bud has me seeing stars. And the way he’s insistent on me watching myself in the mirror, clenching my jaw steady while his other hand holds my waist in support? I think I might fall in love. Shit, I couldn’t care less about being loud at this point or the wet noises I’m sure the other patrons can hear. The way my eyes are rolling back, I’m somewhat embarrassed at the faces this man is pulling from me.

“Shhh,” he whispers while kissing along my neck. “Do you really want everyone to know how dumb you get when you’re stuffed full of dick?”

A loud cry makes its way past my lips and the hand that was once holding my face is now clasped tightly over my mouth; which I am SO grateful for as I whimper endlessly into his palms.

Speeding up just a little, I feel myself on the brink of combustion once again and coupled with Andy’s fingers it isn’t long until my body explodes with clear liquid flying in every which way as I ride through the intensity of it all. Coming to a steady stop, I throw my head back on his shoulder, spent as hell and all but positive this baby doll is mine to keep. Realising that Andy didn’t come, I offered to finish him off but he just told me that he’s a patient man and that we should head to the house, where he can properly lay out what’s to he expected over the course of the next couple of days.

“Besides, I usually don’t come until at least twenty two minutes in,” Andy bragged.

“Huh?”

Ok so maybe I didn’t think this spring break through. I’d at the very least like to make it back to the dorms in one piece.

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heliads · 3 years

Text

The Football Player (Part One)

Based on this request: “Bucky is a football player and you are a fan of the team but you're also really shy. Secretly Bucky also developed a crush on you. He sees you getting mocked by some idiots and he gets in between to stand up for you. Later then he asks you for a walk and he kisses you.”

masterlist / part two

According to every ounce of common sense still left in your body, you should be paying attention. You’re in school, might as well actually learn something, right? You have a test next period, and if you were smart or wanted to pass at all, you should be focusing right now, tracking every single word that your professor is saying. The only problem is that you’re not doing this whatsoever. No, your gaze is instead directed out the window, where a certain football team is just beginning practice.

It’s not like you were intentionally trying to get distracted. You had come to the classroom right on time, pencils lined up and notebook out, ready to start the day. Your gaze just happened to accidentally shift to the window instead, and when you saw number seventeen in red and gold, well, how could you focus on math at a time like this? You’d seen James Barnes around the school many times, but he never ceases to amaze you.

Honestly, even talking about him tends to light a fire behind your cheeks. You’ve seen this movie dozens of times before: shy, studious girl falls for the football player, hijinks ensue. However, this isn’t a Hollywood blockbuster. Bucky is a star member of the team, and you’re just a fan of your school’s football games. Whenever you do icebreakers in class and you’re forced to describe yourself in one word, you always reach for ‘bookish’ or ‘smiling’. Certainly never ‘superbly athletic’ or ‘on Bucky’s radar in any way’. Those aren’t even one word.

However, you never quite seem to let yourself be brought back to reality. Time and time again, you don the red and gold colors of your school- Mid-Capital University, or MCU, ready to go cheer on the team and your favorite player especially so. In fact, there’s a game tonight, you’ll be going with your friend. No matter how many times you laugh at yourself, though, you can’t shake your crush. You doubt it’ll be going away anytime soon.

The night is young, the shouts loud. You cheer with your friend and the rest of the school as the football team runs out onto the field. Their manager, a Mr. Stark, watches from the sidelines, yelling directions or complaining about how much the equipment is going to cost. The team jogs over to their captain, Steve Rogers, to huddle up and discuss final strategy. Steve is a senior, and you’ve heard rumors that he’s chosen Sam Wilson to take his place as captain next year. He’s Bucky’s best friend, so you’ve heard, although they pretend to fight often enough that you’d think they were rivals.

Bucky is here as well now, eyes glinting from underneath his helmet. He’d had long hair for the longest time, but when he’d cut it over the summer there had been more than a few desolate sighs from the cheerleaders. You had to smile at that- at least you weren’t head-over-heels enough to give up your crush based on his hair. You weren’t that bad yet.

As you watch, the team takes their position. They’ll be playing their rivals tonight, the Hydras. Steve heads to the back, Bucky and Sam on either side of him. Further along the team, you can begin to recognize other players- Scott Lang, a kid who’s scrawny off the field but seems to grow twice in size the second he puts on his gear, Peter Parker, the freshman who managed to make it on the team within his first few days, and Natasha Romanoff, the one girl on the team who’s got a death stare promising she’ll tear any objectors to shreds.

The whistle blows, and the teams are off. You watch with bated breath as Bucky darts left, right, catches the ball from Steve and takes off down the field. Apprehension grows across the student body until at last- touchdown, your school! You rise with the others, cheering in unison. Maybe you’re just being silly, but you could swear Bucky looked at you with a smile just as he started off back towards the line.

The rest of the football game is a breeze. Your school wins easily, and Bucky definitely did his part to secure the victory. The next day, everyone is still buzzing over the catches and near misses with their friends, not wanting to miss a single moment. You suppose it’s still on your mind, which is why you’re frozen in your tracks when your new lab partner sits down beside you in biology.

It’s Bucky. Of course it is Bucky. Of course, the one time you have to have a new lab partner in class, your teacher manages to have the terrible luck to place you with the one person who reduces you to a blushing mess every time he steps within ten feet of you. Bucky slings his backpack down beside his chair, offering you an easy smile like a flyer, free of charge.

“I’m Bucky.” He says, and you remember yourself. “I know. I saw the game, you were really good. I’m Y/N, uh, by the way.” Bucky’s smile grows even wider when you mention the game, if that’s possible. “You saw the game? That’s so nice of you.” You feel like you can’t form a coherent thought. “Yeah, I went with my friends. Your team won.” You want to slap yourself in the head- of course he won, he was there. You’re stating the obvious.

But Bucky doesn’t laugh at you, or act like you’ve said anything strange. He just nods, shoulders slumping slightly as he thinks about last night’s game. “It was hard. I guess every time you go against your rival school the pressure’s just ten times worse. It took a lot to just run out on the field.”

He stiffens slightly after he says this, like he wasn’t intending on sharing that secret just yet. However, you’re just grateful that you’re not the only one saying whatever pops into your head. “I can’t blame you. If it’s worth anything, though, I thought you were great.” Bucky’s beaming smile is back, brighter than ever. “It’s worth a lot from you.”

Maybe this sudden seating arrangement won’t be that bad after all.

Your friend catches up to you the second you leave the biology room behind. She looks back and forth between you and Bucky’s retreating form, something in between astonishment and a teasing grin lingering on her face. “Tell me I didn’t just make that up. Tell me you’re actually the lab partner of the one and only Bucky Barnes, the guy you’ve been crushing on for, like, forever.”

You shove her slightly, although you can’t help but smile. “It’s true. I don’t know how, but it’s true. Guess the bio teacher really liked me that period.” Your friend loops an arm around your shoulders. “It’s not just him who really likes you. Did you see the way he was looking at you? All through class, he kept stealing glances. I think Bucky Barnes has a crush on you.”

You stop in your tracks. “That’s impossible. He would never.” Your friend crows in victory. “But he did! You don’t stare at somebody like that unless you’re hopelessly in love with them. It’s the same way you stare at him.” Indignation rises in you like a spring. “I don’t stare at him. I just observe, casually.” Your friend snorts. “Well, you casually observe him a lot. Honestly, I just see this as a success. If you can get the star football player to fall in love with you, then I think I can win the lottery or something.”

Even after your laughter rises and dies away, you can’t help but think about what your friend said. Surely it’s impossible- Bucky would never so much as talk to you outside of class, let alone have a crush on you. But your friend wasn’t exactly lying. You had seen Bucky out of the corner of your eye, the way a smile lingered on his lips when he glanced over at you. That wasn’t just nothing, right? Honestly, this whole lab partners deal might be more pressing than you ever thought possible.

The only way to move on is to go through the next day, and the next. After that, however, you have biology again, and that means finding your place next to Bucky Barnes and pretending like your heart rate isn’t skyrocketing the second he smiles up at you, saying he’s glad to see you again. Your friend keeps stealing glances your way, eyes wide and thumbs raised in an expression of impressed awe.

As it turns out, your friend isn’t the only one to see something between you and Bucky. You make your way out of the bio room, unable to hide a smile, although your happy outlook disappears the second somebody blocks your path across campus. This somebody just happens to be Mandy Fleming, bottle blonde junior who thinks she owns the school, and her entourage of preening followers.

Mandy folds her arms over her chest, considering you. Her lip purses. Evidently she finds something lacking. “You know, I don’t think we’ve had a proper conversation in a while. We need to make a few things clear.” You force a smile, trying to step around her. “Can we do it later? I have places to be.” Mandy curls her lip. “I don’t wait. This can’t wait. See, you’ve developed the unfortunate habit of spending too much time around Bucky Barnes.”

You raise an eyebrow. “We’re lab partners. What, you want me to ignore him?” Mandy’s eyes narrow. “That would be preferable. Next class, you’re going to go up to the professor and tell him you want to switch partners. Make something up about wanting to be closer to the board or something, I’m sure he’ll believe it.” You can barely listen to her. “And why would I do that?” Mandy takes a step closer. “Bucky is mine, not yours. I’m going to need you to back off.”

You stare at her. “You want me to switch lab partners all because a boy you’re not even dating is sitting next to me?” Mandy’s head rears back. You’ve obviously struck a nerve. “Listen here, honey. This isn’t an issue about me, it’s an issue about you. What, did you really think Bucky would ever even give you the time of day? You’re a nobody, a nothing, somebody not even worth a fraction of his time. Honestly, I’m doing him a favor by getting rid of you. He doesn’t want to see you, not for a second.”

With every word, you can feel your confidence plummeting. Mandy notices this, a smirk burning even deeper into her lips. Sometimes, you swear she can smell fear just like an animal. “You’re worried because you know I’m right. You’re pathetic, really, and Bucky Barnes wants nothing to do with you.” Just as you feel like you want to go back to your dorm room and never see the light of day again, a voice rings out from behind you. It’s a voice you recognize instantly, and one that Mandy does too, as she shrinks back the second she hears it.

“You couldn’t be more wrong.” Bucky steps forward, taking a place next to you. Mandy forces a smile. “I, uh, don’t know what you’re talking about. Y/N and I are just having a little chat about homework. We had homework, right, a textbook reading and-” Bucky cuts her off coolly. “I heard every word. If you think I’d want to choose you over her, you’re wrong. She’s a hundred times the girl you’ll ever be.”

Mandy stammers, fishing around for words but coming up with nothing. It’s almost cathartic to watch. “Now, if you’ll excuse us, Y/N and I have somewhere to be. And if I hear you trying to talk to her like that again, believe me when I say that this won’t be the worst I’ll say to you.” Bucky offers you a hand like a proper gentleman, and you take it, letting him steer you away from Mandy and her followers, who are still gaping at your backs.

The second you’re out of earshot, Bucky turns to you, apologies and regret written all over his face. “I’m so sorry about that. It’s all my fault- she’s been trying to flirt with me all semester, and I finally gave up and rejected her, and now she’s taking it out on you. I wish none of this ever happened.” You manage to force a smile. “Trust me, it’s fine.”

Bucky looks at you, concern still lingering in his eyes. “Are you sure? I can talk to them again if you think they’ll bother you.” You laugh at that. “Don’t worry about me. I’m perfectly alright.” Bucky smiles at that. “Well, if you are perfectly alright, I was wondering if you were busy this Saturday. I saw this new park that opened, and it looked really interesting, but if you’re busy or something we can totally do something else, or nothing at all, whatever you-”

You cut him off, unable to hide a smile at his rambling. “I think that sounds excellent. I’ll see you there?” Bucky’s face lights up. “I’ll see you there.” He gathers his courage one last time, then leans forward to kiss you. He flashes you one last perfect smile before disappearing around the corner, leaving you with a smile and the memory of his lips on yours. When you look up, you see scores of jealous girls staring at you, but for once, the attention doesn’t bother you. Why should it? You have Bucky at last, and he doesn’t want anyone but you.

marvel tag list: @mycosmicparadise

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mandoalorian · 3 years

Text

Pain Is For The Living [Javier Peña x F!Reader] - Chapter 4 [SMUT]

Summary: Sex work in the heat of 1980’s Colombia was never going to be a walk in the park. Especially not when you had a crush on your number one client, agent Javier Peña. You’d been warned about him and his reputation, but after one very specific incident that would change your life forever, you find yourself attached to him like never before and you��d do anything to make him yours. Even if it means endangering your own life.

Rating: 18+

Warnings: SMUT: fingering, cunnigless, female receiving oral, (loss of virginity kind of), so much sexual tension. And more feelings! Unrequited love... or is it?

Word count: 3300

Pain Is For The Living Masterlist

* Reblogs appreciated and my ko-fi is linked in my bio if you wish to support my writing!

Neither you or Javier could sleep that night. At least, not at first. Javier’s bedroom was, although decently sized, pretty empty. You figured he wasn’t the type of guy to keep momentums anyway. His closet was small and you imagined the rainbow array of shirts that were neatly hung up, one-by-one. Staring at the ceiling at two in the morning doing your damn hardest not to think about what happened back at the brothel was proving to be very, very difficult, and you’d do anything to catch a distraction.

Sleeping in his bed though, meant you could seize the perfect opportunity to get to know him better without exactly confronting him. Everything in Javi’s room was brown, an ugly shade of brown too. He clearly didn’t care much for interior design, although you did find it odd that his front room was majorly decked out in nice furniture, and yet every other room in his small apartment felt… empty. Rolling over, you quietly opened the drawer on his nightstand. It was hard to see, being that all the lights were out and it was the middle of the night, but you could just about make out the contents. Half a pack of cigarettes, two lighters, many many condoms (which was strange since Javi almost always insisted that he go bareback whenever you two were intimate), sleeping pills and a passport.

Javier couldn’t sleep either, even though he’d drunkenly fallen asleep on that couch plenty of times. He was thinking of you; not only replaying the fact he said your name while he was fucking Nina, but also the fact that you wanted to kiss him. And honestly? He wanted to kiss you too. Javier balled his hand into a fist as he felt his chest tighten. He seriously wanted to kiss you too.

His thought process halted when he heard you shuffling down the hallway, your hesitant footsteps tip-toeing into the living room and turning on one of the amber colored lamps. Your shy frame was highlighted perfectly in the shadows and Javier simply couldn’t take his eyes off you, strictly in awe of your beauty.

“Javi?” you asked, tiredly rubbing your eyes. You had spotted him lounging on the couch, shirtless with the same crocheted blanket you had slept in, now draped across his lower half.

“Hermosa,” his voice was rich and rasp. “You’re still awake.” the statement came out as an observation, more so than a question.

You fumbled a little with your words before eventually sighing and nodding your head. “Yeah.”

“Is my bed not comfortable enough?” Javier enquired, leaning over to the coffee table and turning on another lamp, now illuminating his side of the room.

You chuckled lightly. “A lot more comfortable than the beds back at the brothel, that’s for sure.” you replied, and Javier nodded knowingly.

“Something on your mind?” Javier prodded further.

Yeah, him.

When you didn’t reply, Javier extended his arm and ushered you over. You sat down next to him, on the edge of his sofa, and remained silent. But the way you could feel his chocolate coloured eyes bore into you was enough to create a cluster of nervous butterflies in the pit of your stomach. He must’ve been up for a while, because the entire atmosphere stunk of tobacco. It wasn’t bad though, it was just… Javi. His honeyed voice interrupted the silence.

“I’m sorry about earlier, about the uh-- the whole kiss thing.” He said, shuffling upwards awkwardly, his hand remaining clutched on the crocheted blanket.

“Pay it no mind,” You replied maybe a little too quickly. You’d rather just forget about the incident, and not come to terms with just how upset his rejection had made you. “It’s um…” you looked up at the ceiling and then back at Javier. “...hard, to stay distracted, when I’m alone. I was fine with Connie and Steve. I was fine with you. But… sleeping alone is hard.”

Javier nodded understandingly. “I know how it feels to need a bed warmer, believe me,”

You came to the sudden conclusion that being a ‘bed warmer’ was all you ever were to Javier, no matter how much more you yearned for. That’s all you’d ever be.

“Although I suppose that’s not exactly what you meant,” Javier continued. “Is it?”

“I wouldn’t know,” you replied quietly. “I mean guys come to me all the time for that quick release. To feel less lonely. But I’ve never really sought out the same thing, you know?”

“Never?” Javier asked, quirking an eyebrow. “Not even a hook-up?”

You shook your head and scratched the back of your neck. “I uh-- I was a virgin before I moved to Colombia,” you laughed wearily.

Javier’s reaction was priceless. His eyes became apologetic and his jaw loosened. “You haven’t been here long,” he grumbled. “Tell me, have you only slept with the guys from the brothel?”

You looked down at your hands feeling slightly ashamed and nodded your head. Javier’s hand found your chin and he tilted it upwards, forcing your gaze to lock with his.

“I’m sorry.” he muttered.

You furrowed your eyebrows together in bewilderment. “Sorry for what? Working here was my choice.”

“No,” Javi said quickly, placing a hand over your thigh, his dark eyes not diverting from your face once. “I know what the guys are like there,” Javier said, shaking his head. “Hell, I know what I’m like. I had no idea…” Javier paused for a moment before continuing. “Was-- was I your first?”

You smiled at him and shook your head ‘no’, and Javier looked somewhat relieved.

“Tell me cariño, do they make you feel good?”

You thought about the question but practically knew the answer immediately. No. Because sex at the brothel was never for pleasure, it was for rent money. It was to put food on your table and to wear clothes that fit.

“Only you Javi,” you replied softly, your hand finding his as you began to trace circles into his skin. “Only you have made me cum.” you confessed.

It wasn’t necessarily anything he’d done, because you’d only ever given Javier blowjobs and let him put it in you. It was more so the fact you were in his personal company, and you were so deeply attracted to him.

Javier chuckled dryly and shook his head. “That can’t be true hermosa,” he sighed. “I’ve been so selfish with you. If I had known, I would’ve fucked you real good. I would’ve made it good for you. I mean it.”

He sounded mad at himself, even though there was truly no way he could understand your circumstances.

“I can make you feel good. I can… distract you, if that’s really what you need,” he promised. “Just say the word.”

His voice had lowered considerably, and his words alone were enough to create a pool of arousal between your thighs. You were almost scared to think about the wet patch you’d leave on the sofa beneath you as his large hand travelled up your thigh and underneath his shirt that he’d given you to wear.

“Please.” you nodded breathlessly as Javier fiddled with the hem.

“Tell me you want it.” he urged as he tugged at the bottom button.

You swallowed thickly and nodded your head harder this time. “I want it, Javi. Please. I want you.”

“Lay back,” Javier ordered, pushing you into the sofa where he had originally been laying.

Your skin flushed with heat as Javier carefully opened your legs and positioned his head in between your soft thighs. “Your cunt looks so sweet,” Javier praised, a throaty moan escaping his lips as he rubbed his thumb between your soft wet folds. “Have you ever let a man taste you before?”

“No,” you squeaked as his thumb found your clit. He rubbed small and tight circles over your bundle of nerves, but his movements were achingly slow. “No man has wanted to.”

Javier huffed. “That’s not true, I promise,” he replied, tapping his thumb over your clit. You gasped longingly, your entire body tensing up. He drew back from you and looked at you, wanting to make sure that you were okay. He could see the way your nipples had hardened and were poking through the shirt he had given you, and it made his cock twitch with excitement underneath the blanket. “Hey pretty girl, relax. I need you to relax.”

You whimpered understandingly and took a deep breath before closing your eyes.

“Look how wet you are.” Javier said, leaning back down and licking his lips. The richness in his voice alone spread through your body like wildfire. He pressed a kiss into your mound, his mustache tickling your skin before lowering his head even further down. The curve of his nose bumped against your clit and you felt yourself clench around nothing, needing him so desperately.

Then, without warning, Javier slid his tongue in between your wet folds, gliding it up and down. Obscene wet sounds filled the room and if you weren’t already seeing stars, you might have even been slightly embarrassed. Your hands, that were once clenched around the curve of a cushion, had instinctively wormed their way into Javier’s chocolate coloured hair.

Once Javier had you spread open, his tongue became more dexterous and began to flick over your clit; up and down, up and down. He was skillful, to say the least. Occasionally though, he’d stop his movements, bringing you down from your high, only to start again. He was teasing you so much, but he was completely right. No man had ever made you feel this good. No man had ever cared about your own pleasure, other than Javier of course. His lips latched onto your sweet spot and he began to suck on it longingly, groaning wantonly against you and pushing vibrations through your core.

“Taste so fucking good, fuck,” Javier cursed, pulling off your cunt with a pop as he regained his breath. “Better than I imagined.”

And just like that… the nervous butterflies came fluttering back. He’d imagined this.

Javier found the way you shivered adorable and it only spurred him on, wanting nothing more than to bring you to the greatest heights of your pleasure. Your perfect sweetness glossed over his lips as he lapped your wetness up like a starved man, and your writhing beneath him didn’t stop once. You tugged on his hair as you felt your climax build up.

Recognising that you were close, Javier, pushed two of his fingers inside of you, scissoring them and stretching you open. Finally you could clench around something. His mouth didn’t stop though, and his tongue became faster and faster as he pumped his fingers inside of you.

Javier curled his fingers and they pushed against your special spot, your body involuntarily arching with pleasure and a long moan of his name leaving your lips.

“Oh yeah, that’s it, isn’t it?” Javier asked, a wicked smile crossing his lips. “Right there huh? You like that?”

You couldn’t even fathom words, only his name leaving your lips in the form of a chant as he continued his movements. You weren’t going to last, and he knew it too. In fact, Javier was too busy focusing on giving you pleasure, he hadn’t even realised the way his cock was leaking too, desperate for some kind of attention.

It was incredibly erotic, every time you looked down and saw Javier’s fingers get lost inside of you as he ravished your cunt. He was so good at it, you had no doubt he’d done it a million times before. One last thrust of his two fingers sent you into a frenzy as your cunt clenched around his fingers, and you came undone.

You were a heaving, gasping mess, and Javier had left you unlike anyone had ever left you before. As he pulled his hand away from you, your cunt continued to clench around nothing and your thighs were twitching as the pleasure raced through your veins.

Javier’s fingers shone with your wet arousal and he brought them up to your own lips. “Look at the mess you made. Such a delicious mess,” he cooed. “Taste.”

You parted your lips and sucked your arousal from his fingers. “How was that, hm?”

You nodded wordlessly. “Th-thank you,” you mumbled, your eyes feeling heavy with post coital exhaustion. “Let me-- let me return the favour.”

“No sweet girl,” Javier said. “You need to rest.”

The agent pushed your hair out of your face and— fuck, he wanted to kiss you so bad. He wanted to kiss your pretty, swollen lips. But he just couldn’t bring himself to do so. Kissing you might only confirm these feelings he had been trying to push away. “Sleep tight hermosa.”

You mumbled something incoherent before you fell fast asleep, your smile not fading away once. Javier removed his blanket and wrapped it over your body. That was when he realised he’d came too. He hadn’t even done anything… nothing to pleasure himself, but he’d come just from pleasuring you. That had never happened before.

He cursed to himself, reaching for the box of tissues that he kept on the coffee table and wiped himself down. Padding into the kitchen, Javier made you a glass of water and set it down next to you, just in case you woke up thirsty during the night.

He remembered your words. ‘Sleeping alone is hard.’

Javier brought his pillows, duvet and blankets from his bedroom and set them down on the floor so he was laying next to you. The last thing he wanted was for you to wake up alone and be in a panic. He considered just lifting you up and taking you to his own bed, that way he wouldn’t have to take the floor, but he just didn’t want to risk waking you.

Javier barely slept that night, his mind active and his thoughts racing a million times an hour. Did he regret what just happened? No, absolutely not. He’d do it a million times over. But that didn’t make it right. Sure, he’d slept with his informants many times but you were different. He already had a past relationship with you, he already knew you. And he felt like he had some kind of responsibility for you. Romantic relationships never ended well for Javier, so he could only hope that whatever you and him had going on, would remain strictly sexual. No feelings. There was no need for feelings. No time for relationships in the middle of this mess.

———

Javier really didn’t want to wake you, but he had to go to work, and he wasn’t willing to leave you home alone. Besides, you were his informant. And the DEA needed information.

When you woke up, you were fine, much to both yours and Javier’s surprise. The bliss from the night before still hadn’t escaped your memory, and had set you on course for a pretty good day ahead. Javier couldn’t really cook (minus paella), and so you both swallowed down some dry toast and you finished your glass of water.

Javier got a phone call just before the both of you were about to leave. It was brief, and ended just as you threw over one of his denim jackets that he’d loaned you. “DEA sent a couple of guys over to your place to pick up your possessions. You’ll be able to get changed once we arrive at the office.”

You nod your head gratefully, but then stop as Javier heads out the front door. “Wait, I didn’t give anyone my key.”

“Don’t worry about that,” Javier replied. “They will have found another way in.”

You weren’t sure how much you liked the idea of a bunch of strange cops breaking into your tiny apartment but nonetheless, you were just glad to have fresh and clean clothes. Not that you minded living in Javier’s pale yellow button down, but if you were going to be visiting DEA offices and God knows where else, you at least wanted to be dressed appropriately.

Javier told you to wait in the car while he nipped inside to grab your clothes. He handed the duffel bag to you through the car window and waited for you to get changed so the both of you could walk into the office together.

His office was bigger than you imagined, and spacious too. Despite it being pretty early in the morning, all the desks were filled and it seemed like the agents were hard at work.

“This is Luisa,” Javier pointed at the receptionist. “This is where we clock in and out of work. If we ever go out on impulse stake-outs or find the need to follow a lead, we gotta sign our name. It’s dumb, really.”

“Only Agent Peña never signs his name. Neither does Agent Murphy. Both of ‘em are as bad as each other.” Luisa laughed.

Javier rolled his eyes. “Pipe down Luisa,” he replied jokingly, his eyes darting to her hands. “Is that a new nail colour? Hmph, suits you.” he charmed before whisking you to the next station.

“There is Messina’s office,” Javier pointed through a narrow hallway towards an opaque glass door at the very end. “She thinks she runs the place but she’s only just transferred here.”

“Here is where I work,” Javier sighed, tapping his finger on a desk which was stacked high with paperwork. The tapping had clearly alerted the blonde haired man, who you remembered from yesterday. “And this is my partner Steve, sleeping on duty.” Javier tsked and Steve’s tired frown only deepened.

“Olivia been keepin’ us up all night,'' Steve groaned before standing up and shaking your hand. “Nice to see you here,” he said politely. “Has Javier given you a tour of the place?”

You nodded and smiled, already not hating the environment.

“Yeah. Everyone seems nice.”

You must’ve spoken too soon because in that very moment, none other than CIA Agent Bill Stechner came waltzing over, his lips curled into a smug grin.

“Well well well,” he observed, looking you up and down with judgement in his blue eyes. “What do we have here?”

Before you could reply, the man turned to Javier. “Peña, you know we don’t usually allow whores to wander the office.”

You flinched at his comment, your eyes narrowing at the unwarranted attack. Javier though, saw red, his own eyes darting up to look at Bill.

“She’s my informant.” Javier snapped back, trying his damn hardest to keep it together.

“I know who she is,” Bill seethed.

“Get the fuck outta here, Bill.” Steve sighed, standing up, his chair scraping against the floor.

Bill raised both of his hands defensively, almost as if he had done nothing wrong, and laughed darkly. With an innocent shrug of his shoulders he walked away and left you standing there, speechless.

Javier didn’t say a word, only pinched the bridge of his nose and got his head stuck straight into some paperwork.

“Yeah, you don’t wanna fuck with the CIA guys. They’re assholes.” Steve informed, his eyes glancing back over to Bill who was now sitting at his own desk. It was like the confrontation had never even happened.

“Noted.” you gulped.

“Take a seat, grab a coffee. Make yourself at home.” Steve told you.

Home. I guess this was where you’d be staying for the foreseeable future.

-—-—-—♡—-—-—-

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

The Choices We Make (Tom Holland) [1]

A/N: Okay so here’s that angst I’ve been babbling about haha. This was so hard for me to write for some reason, like I genuinely felt nervous and anxious, and I cried a lil so yeah asdfghjkl prepare for some heartbreak.

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Summary: You find out the real reason why Tom has been distant, but it wasn't due to something out of his control, no, it was entirely his choice, and it wasn’t the right one.

Warnings: just pure heart wrenching angst and then some.

Word Count: 5.6k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

It's been going on for a month, maybe even more. You weren't proud on letting it stretch for this long, but you were still holding out hope, your faith in him too strong.

Tom was growing distant, farther from your reach despite the fact that you sleep on the same bed and live in the same house. The house that was once coated with warmth, laughter and happiness, but now, it's different, somewhat... cold, unnerving.

As a matter of fact, he barely even is home, and when he is, he treats you as someone who's just occupying the space, not someone who has seen him for him, naked and flawed, both demons and angels alike.

He's always glued to his phone, other times, fast asleep, or that's what you think anyway when he's in the bedroom at two in the afternoon. Simply put, he never truly gets to spend much time with you at all, despite being in the same house.

Kisses don't feel as warm, hugs just the same, and the last time you made love... gosh, it was a month and a half ago, which sounds so bad given that, that's how long he's been home for, right after his junket for Onward.

It's like there's an obvious wall between you two, and you know there is, you're just ignori—no, denial is the right word. You're in denial of what your three-year relationship has whittled to.

You're trying to not think much of it, blame it on the busyness of his life, but there's always something about a gut feeling that is too hard to ignore.

"I'm going to spend the night at Harry's again, we're pulling an all-nighter to get the final parts for the script done," Tom stated flatly the moment he stepped into the kitchen, all out of breath and sweaty from his morning run.

You tried to mask your added disappointment as you greeted him with a small smile. Added because you were already disappointed before he came home, and now you're even more let down due to the news he's brought.

It's been an everyday thing, waking up to a cold, empty space beside you in morning, and when you've been sleeping facing away from each other, a literal gap between you two, it makes your heart hurt. But you brush it off every time, seeming used to it.

It's been a weekly thing, him staying at Harry's, or rather, the twin's house overnight to finish this script they've been working so hard on. You were proud of course, never failing to support him through and through, but it doesn't make sleeping alone in that queen-size bed less dreadful.

Tom moved towards your place in front of the kitchen island, placing a swift kiss on your cheek before going for a glass of water. The gesture didn't make the butterflies in your stomach flutter as much as it used to, because there's something off, like he did it out of habit, not because he's sincere about it.

"Breakfast?"

Tom shook his head no as he chugged the tall glass of water empty. His eyes were elsewhere, never meeting yours as he muttered under his breath, "I'm going to go and take a shower."

He didn't even wait for a response as he swiftly left the kitchen, left you there to eat on your own, just like the past few.

You brush it off. You're getting used it.

***

"Wait, you're leaving now?" you asked with a frown, standing up from the couch once you saw Tom emerge from the hallway, dressed in a casual white shirt and denim jeans with a backpack slung over his shoulder.

He only nodded at you with a hum before retreating towards the kitchen, the sound of the fridge opening and closing bouncing off the white walls. You glanced at the clock perched on top of the fireplace: 10:46 am.

You couldn't stop your frown from deepening as you followed his figure towards the front door. "Uhm, you coming home for lunch?" you tried, still hopeful, even though you already know the answer.

"No, Harry and I will just order something." Tom lifted his head up from his phone to shoot you a small smile, to which you tried to return, and you did, it just didn't come out as honest as you wanted. He noticed this, his eyebrows furrowing as the curve on his lips slowly disappeared. "What's wrong?"

You shook your head and smiled wider, brighter, maybe a little too bright. "It's nothing," you breathed out to try and cover up the lie.

Of course you've talked to him about it, the whole him not often being home, not spending much time with you, but each time you brought it up, it always ends up in a fight. Always.

Voices are raised, accusations are then thrown, all of which are pointed towards you. Too clingy, not understanding his schedule, tying him down, not letting him live his life and it goes on and on and on, each one just cutting deeper, more painful than the prior.

You just don't have the energy to deal with it again, not now, not when he's about to leave. You can't bear to sleep alone as is, what more with an angry and hurting heart?

"Are you sure?" Tom asked, head tilted to the side, trying to get a read on your expression. You nodded, smile never wavering, "Yeah, have fun writing, I love you."

Those last three words hung in the air for a few seconds, almost taunting, deafening. You mean it, undeniably, from every letter to each syllable; you mean it with all your heart. But somehow, in some way, there's something tied to it. You couldn't pinpoint as to what it is exactly, but the words felt heavy between you two.

"Bye. I'll see you tomorrow." Tom cleared his throat before walking closer to you, arms wrapping nimbly around your form to give you a light squeeze, turning his head to press his lips on your cheek. His touch was feathery, making it feel like it's not even there in the first place. You could only hum with a nod, smile forced as you watched him out the front door, inside his car and drive off, disappearing down the road.

You let out a shaky breath as you willed yourself not to cry, fists opening and closing as if you're trying to get a hold of your sanity, anxiousness filling you up to the brim. Your eyes were trained on the skid marks left by the tires of his car, the only trace that he's been here, but also a reminder that he has once again left without even staying for a maximum of sixty minutes.

It's nothing. He's just busy.

Echoed your thoughts, over and over to try and reassure yourself, repeating it like a mantra to tune out the horrible conclusions, the nasty what if's that were crawling out of the depths of your mind, pushing its way to the surface.

It's nothing. He's just busy.

But there's always something about a gut feeling that is too strong for you to ignore.

***

"Thank you so much, have a good day." You smiled at the cashier, taking the two bags of take outs in each hand — Nando's to be specific — before making your way out of the building and into your car.

Once the bags were safely secured on the passenger's seat, you grabbed the wheel, but you stayed there for a few minutes, drumming your fingers against it. Your eyes glanced down at the key that was already in place, you just had to turn it and drive, but you hesitated.

You were having second thoughts if you should just go home and eat the food yourself, to just not bother to surprise Tom. You visited him on the first time he stayed at the twin's house, and that didn't end well. Your excited smile was quickly slapped off your face when Tom looked at you with nothing but anger and irritation. Said you were a distraction to him, not in a good way, and that's putting it lightly.

Harry and Sam tried to talk to him about it as they found Tom's outburst really uncalled for, but you digress, opting on just going home instead, not wanting to make the problem even bigger. After that, you never tried again.

But maybe this time it's different, maybe, once he sees you've ordered his favorite, he'll be happy about it.

Maybe.

***

Once parked in front of the twins' house, you let out a nervous breath, palms turning clammy as you stared at the image of a chicken plastered on the bag for a good minute. With a sharp intake of breath, you gathered all your courage before grabbing it and making your way out the car.

The walk towards the front door was making you feel anxious, maybe because of past experience or maybe you were just getting too into your head, but either way, your heart was pounding hard against your chest.

Few seconds after pressing the doorbell with a shaky finger, footsteps where soon heard on the other side. You held your breath, waiting for the door to open, and when it did, Harry emerged with a surprised and very confused look on his face.

"Y/N? Hey, what're you doing here?" the boy greeted with a hug, you returning the gesture as much as you could with full hands. He then moved out of the way as he added, "Come in."

"I wanted to surprise Tom with Nando's. I got you and Sam something too," you spoke as you walked down the hallway, lifting the bags up to prove your point, but Harry only furrowed his brows at you, expression growing even more confused, concerned even.

"Did someone say Nando's?" And on cue, Sam appeared, giving you a warm, welcoming hug before offering to take the bags from you to bring them to the kitchen.

Once he disappeared, Harry turned his attention back to you as you reached the living room. "Wait, Tom? I thought he was with you? He said he can't do a session today because he needed to spend time with you?"

It was your turn to look at him with a confused expression. "He said he was going to sleep over again because you're going to pull an all-nighter with the script," you said, hints of worry coating your voice, a certain feeling bubbling inside your stomach.

"Again? Tom hasn't spent the night here, ever." Harry's frown only deepened, especially when he saw the way your face fell at his words.

Knees weakening, you sat on the couch shakily, hands holding the cushion as you tried to steady yourself, both physically and emotionally.

"Does he even come here every week?" you asked, tone soft, a stark contrast to the chaotic battle inside your mind.

Harry sat beside you, his confusion not diminishing. "Well yeah, he comes at around eleven and then goes home after lunch."

You shook your head, bottom lip caught between your teeth as you avoided Harry's worried gaze. "He doesn't," you took a sharp breath. "He doesn't come home until the next day."

Your voice broke at the end of your sentence, tears brimming in your eyes as your head started to get clouded, darker with every ticking second. The grip you had on the cushion was tight, mind running a hundred miles per second, matching the harsh pace of your heart.

"Y/N, please tell me what's going on," Harry said softly, placing a gentle hand on your shoulder. You met his gaze, contemplating, weighing if you should tell, or would it be too much to involve them in this too.

You've grown close with the twins, even with Paddy. You've been with Tom for three years, it wasn't surprising that you have grown that bond.

Granted, Harry and Sam have talked to you about their relationships, seeking advice, like a big-sister-little-brothers type of bond. With that said, this is different because it's Tom, their own brother. You don't know how you feel about talking ill about their brother whom they love so much.

"Look, I know you might think it's weird and awkward because Tom and I are brothers, or that I'll choose his side because he's my brother, but I won't if he's in the wrong. When he does something shitty, you know for a fact we'll be the first ones to call him out on it," Harry started once he saw your hesitation, wearing a reassuring smile as he gave your shoulder a squeeze. "And I'm just here to listen. I'm not going to get involved when it's not my place to be. I know you just need an outlet," he added.

You gave him a nod, breath shaky as you tried to think on it again. But with the situation at hand growing overwhelming, with the horrible thoughts eating away inside your brain, a month and a half long of keeping everything to yourself, suffering by yourself, you broke.

Fresh tears streamed down your face endlessly as you poured your heart out to Harry, sobs in between words as you tell him what's been going on, from the very beginning when you noticed something wasn't right, when things stared to change.

Sam came in the living room confused and worried, him and Harry sharing a look before he disappeared again and then came back with a glass of water, because he too understood what you needed, both of them knew you just needed to let it all out.

And you did.

***

The twin's offered for you to stay the night and you were glad. You have no idea what you'd do if you came back in the house and slept alone, don't know if you'd be able to stay sane.

They were both sweethearts about it, not jumping to conclusions of course but just tried to take your mind off of it, even if it's just for a little bit. But you knew you can't run and hide for too long.

It was nearing six pm when you decided it was time to go back home and face whatever it is you needed to face. The moment you turned the corner towards the house, your nerves erupted from head to toe, eyes trained on Tom's car that was parked right on the drive way.

Tears were already threatening to spill, but you kept strong, holding everything in as you turned off the ignition and made your way out of the car. When inside, you kept your head low as you took your shoes and jacket off, trying your hardest to not let out even the tiniest of sniffles.

You hear rustling in the kitchen, and surely enough, that's where you saw him, the one and only Tom Holland, eyebrows furrowed as he stared the cooking book down.

If it was any other day, your heart would've melted. You'd find the sight endearing as he navigates his way around the kitchen, but not today, not when your heart and mind were waging war against each other.

"You're home," you muttered, Tom's head lifting at the sound of your voice, a smile appearing its way onto his lips. It was a simple smile, innocent maybe, but it made your stomach slightly churn.

"Yeah, just arrived ten minutes ago," he said, tilting his head to the side in mere curiosity when you avoided his eyes at all costs, when you didn't even bother to come closer to him. "Where've you been?" he pondered.

You shrugged, seeming nonchalant as you turned your back on him, knowing that your face would give it all away the moment you ask him the question. "Just out. How was writing?"

It was an obvious bait, and of course, him being oblivious, he took it.

"Hard as usual, but we've made progress so it's great." The lie rolled off Tom's tongue like second nature, not even a single hint of remorse in his voice, and that in itself hurts. It made you wonder what else he could have lied about, which could have been so many, too many.

The doubts, the fears, the pain, it was consuming you, from every nerve to every bone, the stinging in your heart ever growing, turning harsher, an agonizing torture.

"What'd you want for dinner love?" he asked, the sound of a page flicking, ringing in your ear. You shut your eyes at the term of endearment, one he's only learned to use again just now, and with what you know, it only makes it hurt even worse.

Tom still had no clue to how you were breaking inside, thoughts trailing to a dark path because of his lies as he kept busy with whatever it is he was trying to cook.

You shook your head in response at his question, despite his eyes not being trained on you, despite him not having a clear view of you. You swallowed the lump in your throat, making sure to keep a steady, unwavering tone as you spoke, "I already ate."

"Oh, okay," was the last thing you heard from him as you rushed towards your shared bedroom, palm over your mouth to try and silence the sob the managed to escape.

Of course you'll confront him about it, but not now, you don't have any strength left to do so. You were tired, weakened after pouring it all out to the twins, and you weren't sure if you're ready to hear the truth, not sure if you would be able to handle it.

But despite trying to put it off, the universe had other plans, forcing you to confront it sooner rather than later.

***

Feet heavy, you made your way towards the bed, ready to just crash and drift off into a deep slumber, to escape reality but when you saw the number of glasses on Tom's bedside table, you couldn't help but sigh in dismay.

It's a habit of his, bringing a new glass of water each time and never taking the old one back, creating a whole bunch of just empty glasses on the table. It's become a routine for you to bring them back out yourself, him flashing you a guilty smile each time you give him a pointed look with your hands full of said glasses.

He'll be quick to put on his best puppy eyes to avoid your scolding, using his baby voice as he apologise and you always give in, unable to resist. Maybe that's why he hasn't really learned from it yet.

You made your way over his bedside table, seeing that there are four this time around. You took each one carefully, balancing two in a hand. Before you could turn around to go back to the kitchen, a familiar rectangular device caught your eye, one that was facing up and hooked on a cable. You stared at it for a minute, maybe more.

Two sides of you were bickering, fighting on who should be more in control. One was telling you to just have a peek, that it wouldn't hurt to snoop just a little bit. The other was telling you the exact opposite, that confronting him was the right path. It went back and forth for a moment, like an angel and devil sitting on each shoulder, and you were torn.

Regardless, as if some being was watching from above and controlling your odds, you didn't get to a decision when the screen lit up on its own.

At first glance, it was nothing but a photo of you and Tessa as the lock screen. Your smile was wide as Tessa gave you a proper lick on the cheek, so innocent, nothing but pure love, it was wholesome. But you weren't looking at that, no, your gaze was dead set on the text message that came through, the notification box screaming at your face.

Message from ***:

Had an amazing time last night, you sure know how to make a girl feel good ;) see you next week tommy xx

Ice cold, it was what you felt from head to toe, body numb but you felt oh so sick in your stomach, outright disgusted.

As a tear rolled down your cheek, the glasses you held with your fingers, slipped from your grasp, landing on the floor with a loud shatter. It turned to pieces, scattered on the floor in shards, all broken, a mirror of the state of your heart.

You stood in your place, stuck and frozen, unable to move as your whole world crashed and burst into flames. Everything you've ever known about your relationship, about him, all were thrown out the window, value reduced to nothing.

The worst nightmare that you've conjured in your head ended up being a reality. The nagging voice that you kept hearing over and over was right all along.

It was a matter of time for Tom to appear. You knew he heard the glasses breaking as you left the door ajar, and surely enough he came rushing in with a worried look on his face, eyes landing on your tear-coated face to the broken glass around your feet.

"Darling are you hurt? What happened?" he asked, the most he's been concerned of your being since the day it all changed.

Before he could take another step closer, you held a hand up, Tom stopping in his tracks, his concern replaced by confusion. "Tom, where were you last night?" you questioned again, hoping that he'll finally have some kind of remorse, but he didn't, he kept on his lies.

"I already told you, I was with Harry writin—"

"You weren't," you cut him off, the hurt in your voice crystal clear. "Sorry?" he asked, still confused, still unaware that you already know the truth. There was no beating around the bush anymore, you just couldn't take it for much longer. Head turning to look at him straight in the eyes, you stated bluntly,

"I was with Harry and Sam last night, you weren't."

Tom's whole face drained out of color, lips pressed into a thin line as he looked at you with guilt, and that's when you stared right at the face of a caught man.

Your lips trembled as you painfully held his gaze. Those brown eyes... looking at those brown used to fill you up with so much warmth, made you feel safe, loved. But now, you just felt betrayed, so betrayed.

"Who is she?"

Tom shook his head hurriedly, brows knitted together at your accusation. "What? There's no one—"

"Tom, please, don't make it hurt some more by lying to my face," you sobbed as you shook your head at him. He looked away at that, the pain in your eyes too much for him to handle, especially with the way your voice was filled with so much sorrow, all because of him.

"Who is she?" you asked again, firmer this time, the slight growl in your voice making Tom's head snapped back at you.

His frown deepened when his eyes fell on the floor for a second before it landed back on your face. "Darling please move away from there, you're going to get hurt," he coaxed, his heart hammering hard against his chest, thoughts a jumbled mess in his head as he watched you break little by little in front of him.

"Tom," you pleaded, not wanting to stall anymore, hands balling into fists as more tears ran down your face, each one dropping on the ground with a silent thump. Tom held his hands up in surrender as he nodded, "Just move away from the broken glass first, please Y/N."

You took a deep, shaky breath to try and rid of the anger, to try and be rational as you moved, stepping over the shards of glass with caution before fully facing him, keeping a much needed distance for you to stay sane.

Silence rang in the room as you waited for him to speak, to let the truth out because there was nowhere to hide anymore. Tom saw this in your eyes, how you just wanted honesty, so he swallowed the lump in his throat, eyes holding your gaze as his heart felt heavier.

"I met her at the press junket for Onward..." he trailed off, voice merely above a whisper but the words tasted vile against Tom's tongue, heart breaking, guilt overflowing once you let out a broken whimper.

You looked away, arms crossing over your chest in mere defense, and piece by piece, it all fell into place, the puzzle completed.

All those weeks of asking why he's been acting the way he is, cold and distant. Just asking why he hasn't given you any affection aside from the small hugs and barely-there kisses on the cheek. All the days questioning why he wouldn't touch you the way he used to, show you how much he loves you and now, well, now you know why.

He was giving it to someone else, showing it to someone else, fucking someone else and it hurts, cruelly it hurts.

Although some questions were now answered, a few more grew, like a hydra, cut off one head and two more shall grow.

Your heart was in deep, excruciating pain, head full of even more questions, full of why's, but something in you clicked, like a switch turning off as the anger left your body, as you slowly went numb.

"Please say something," Tom whispered, voice strained, and you can see how his hands were twitching, itching to reach for you, to hold you, but the look you were giving him was an enough hint for him to keep his distance.

"What do you want me to say?" you whispered, ever so softly as you screwed your eyes shut, the tears never ceasing to run down your already wet cheeks.

And the way that there was no anger in your voice anymore, just pure pain, it scared Tom, the dread starting to consume him. He knows you, he knows how much you blame yourself for the things you have no fault in, and he was sure you were blaming yourself right at this moment.

"Yell at me, curse me out, fucking hell, punch me in the face, anything. Please don't bottle it up," he begged, taking one step closer, and you stood in your place as you felt yourself shut down, brain closing off as well as your heart.

With a deep breath, you met his brown orbs again with a sad smile. "It's okay Tom."

That's when the tears brimmed in Tom's eyes, because that's when he knew. That was the tell-tale sign that you were done, that you weren't going to put up a fight anymore.

It was that moment when Tom knew that you've given up on the relationship, given up on him.

Flashes of memories clouded his vision, both good and bad. Then it was like he watched himself in third person as he came into terms as to how he treated you so badly for the past month and half.

It was like a big punch in the face as he was reminded of all the rotten and sinful things he's done, right at your face but especially behind your back.

How has he managed to become such a monster? A poor excuse of a man?

"It's not oka—"

"I just—I-I'm just going to leave," you ducked your head low and attempted to walk past him, but Tom was quick to grab your arm, turning you back around to face him.

"No, darling please, let me have it, blame me, please, be angry at me. This is all on me Y/N," Tom's lips trembled as he spoke, his shaking fingers interlacing with yours. His were eyes boring deep into your pain-filled orbs, just trying to find any sort of direction, because he has no clue on what to do anymore, no idea on how to fix things, if it was even fixable at this point.

"Tom, it's okay—"

"Stop saying that! You know it's not fucking okay!" Tom cried, his pink cheeks turning damp as he looked at you with so many emotions. There was the guilt, the regret, the hurt, and the fear, but most of those emotions are felt when everything is already too late.

And it was.

You let go of his hand and brought it up to cup his face, thumb grazing his skin sweetly as you gave him a small smile.

This made Tom cry harder. You were such a sweetheart, a kind soul, and the fact that he took advantage of that, the fact that he broke your precious heart when you did nothing but love him unconditionally, Tom wanted to beat himself up until he's all knocked out.

"You already made your choice Tom, and now, I think it's time I make mine," you said softly. The way that you were being so calm about this was unbearable. It was like you're taking the hit like you deserved it, and this was making Tom feel even more disgusted at himself than he already is.

"What is your choice?" Tom held his breath, waiting for the worst case scenario as he leaned into your touch, not knowing if he'll ever feel it again after this.

"Me."

You didn't need to explain yourself, and you saw it in his eyes that he understood. For the month that he's changed, you were so patient with him, always thought about what he feels, making excuses for him and seeing it in his perspective. But now, it was time for you to think about your own feelings too, to think what's best for you, to put yourself first.

Now, you were choosing yourself.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm such a fucking asshole, I'm sorry. You don't deserve this," Tom sobbed, words repeating over and over, realising deep inside how much he's wasted your love, how much he's thrown away, and the reason wasn't even worth it, he threw it all for nothing. He dropped his head, feeling too ashamed of himself, he was so revolted by what he's become, all the things he done.

You let out a soft sob, both hands now holding his face as you slowly lifted his head back up. "Be happy, that's all I want for you," you said, and you meant it.

You were surprised yourself how you don't feel much resentment. Maybe it was how strong your love was for him, or maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet, but you do mean it. You still want him to be happy, with whatever choice he has to make next.

"You know I don't deserve that," Tom whimpered with a shake of his head, bottom lip quivering as the pain he felt only magnified from there.

You didn't respond to that anymore, knowing that it was time to go, that you needed to go. What you did next just broke Tom's heart even more. You leaned closer, your lips feeling warm against his forehead, pulling away as you stared into his brown eyes with a broken smile on your lips, and you whispered, oh so tenderly,

"I love you."

Tom didn't get to say another word, didn't get a chance too as you took his hands, gave it one last squeeze before making your way out the room.

He stood there, incapable of moving, mind lost, his heart all broken, and when he heard the front door slam shut, that's when everything finally came into light, the weight of his actions, the weight of his choices.

Tom turned towards his bedside table, treading slowly to avoid the glass. With the phone in hand, he turned it on. He felt himself grimace at the message that he assumed you read, such a vile and revolting thing, what he did. But it was unimportant to him now as he closed it, the screen now cleared.

A soft whimper came out of his lips as he stared at the screen, you and Tessa staring right back at him, your smile bright with so much joy and light covering your features. Tom felt so angry at himself knowing that he caused that smile to disappear, that he was the reason why the light has been snuffed out of you.

It's so ironic how realization always comes too late, because just now does Tom realize how much he's lost, how much he screwed things up. Tom just wasted all those precious years where you did nothing but love him, cherish him, brought him nothing but utter happiness. You made him the best man that he could be, and he destroyed that.

With a gut wrenching scream, Tom threw his phone with all his might, the device hitting the wall with a loud crack. It fell on the floor with a thump just as Tom fell on the bed with a broken sob, face buried in his hands, body trembling with cries.

You were right, Tom already made his choice a month ago, it just happened to be the wrong one, the most disgusting and horrible one. Now he has to suffer with the aftermath, and rightfully so, he deserves it, if not, even more.

Because the choices we make, no matter how little it may be, they will always have consequences, and those consequences you will have to deal with, even if it's bad, even if it hurts.

Tom made a choice, and now he has to live with the consequences.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Tell me your thoughts! <3

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands @hollandsamor

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joshslater · 3 years

Text

Foreign Exchange

This is a re-release since the previous version got blocked for unknown reasons. I’m not going to bother to find yet another photo that doesn’t break the content rule, so you’ll have to imagine the lower part of a slim, white guy wearing red trunks with the outline of a massive penis. Or read the original story and more on my Patreon.

It all started in what was supposed to be a one week stay in Cape Town. I don't know what the airline had smoked, but a round trip from Europe sold for almost nothing during a few hours. Probably some clerical error in the pricing department. Whatever the reason, I shuffled some tasks around and manage to arrange myself a one week spring vacation. I had no idea of what to expect. Only thing I knew about South Africa was the Kruger Park, the worlds first heart transplant, excellent red wines, Apartheid and Mandela.

It started out amazing. I found a cheap place in Green Point, close to lots of the tourist places, and started to drink my way through South African wine bottles. It was on the third evening I made the wrong move. No, life altering move.

I was heading back to the hotel after some late evening sea side action. I had emptied a particularly good bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, rich with those mineral tones so prevalent in most South African wines. I was slightly sun burned, possibly lost and decidedly round footed when I walked up to two well dressed white men beating the shit out of black kid.

- Hey, stop that!

I said before my brain had fully reengaged. They did stop. One of the men stared right at me, eyes filled with disdain.

- What you say?

I didn't have time to answer him when something hard hit the back of my head with a thud and everything lost focus and disappeared.

When I came to everything was black and my head hurt like hell. I was lying awkwardly, hands bound behind my back, feet tied together, and some sort of bag tied around my head. The sound made me think I was in someones trunk, but I guess it could have been a van or a covered pick up flat bed just as well. In any event, the vehicle was running fast on what I assumed to be a highway. After a bit of struggle I concluded that I was not just bound up, but also tied down and couldn't move much at all. After a boring hour or so still drunk me slipped back into sleep.

Next time I woke up the vehicle was standing still. I was still as tied up as before, but I could hear someone speaking Afrikaan a few steps away. He came close, shuffled some things around, and then I felt a small prick on my arm. I barely had time to realize it was some sort of injection when I lost consciousness again.

Regaining consciousness was quite different third time around. I still couldn't see anything, but I could feel some swim style goggles around my head, probably blacked out. Now I was lying more properly on a firm bed or padded table. I tried to move, but like before I was tightly restrained. This time it felt more professional, like cuffs around arms and legs, and some kind of material pushing against the chest. And I was naked, I think. It was hard to determine, as the temperature was nice and I couldn't move, but I couldn't feel any clothes on my body. I tried to say "hello", but nothing came out.

This quickly became incredibly boring. I couldn't see or feel much. The smell was basically just some generic clean smell of faint detergent. With sounds there were a bit more variation. I could hear some HVAC rumbling once every 5 minutes, or so I guessed. In addition there was a constant low humming in the room. I could hear some faint sounds from outside the room. Perhaps infrequent cars coming and leaving outside the building.

By my estimate I was at least into the third wake hour when suddenly a door opened and I could hear a conversation between the two men who entered the room. They sounded quite far away, so the room was probably large.

"...so many in the database?"

"We use five key measurements combined into one value as sorting key. The circumference and length, both on flaccid and erect, are approximated into two cylinders. Balls are approximated as spheres. Then we just multiply the three volumes together to make the sorting key. First selection priority is of course bio-compatibility, but this size metric allows for fast selection within that set. It only brings candidates though. The final decision is more complex, of course."

"Complex how?"

"Well, let's ask the doctor himself. His coming here."

A third person entered the room.

"You talking about me?"

"Yes, we were just discussing the selection criteria"

"Ah. Well, since this is a demonstration we want to be bold, while being mindful of proportions and aesthetics. In addition to appearance we want to maximize as many of the secondary factors as possible from the paper. For this one we landed in using the Congo supply."

They were standing right next to me now. The "doctor" continued.

"So this is the subject. The first agent is being administered right now, as you can see. Any questions?"

I tried to say something. Anything. But only wheezing air came out.

"Is he trying to speak?", asked the first voice.

"No, he isn't. Come, let's look at the model", replied the doctor, and they left the room as quickly as they entered it.

6-8 HVAC cycles later I heard the door open again and several people walking into the room. I heard a women's voice close to me saying "Everything is green. Go ahead." and I again lost consciousness.

The room was barely furnished, completely white and bathed in light when I opened my eyes.

"Oh, how good. You are awake."

I heard a female voice in a strong South African accent. I turned my head and saw a fat, black South African lady smiling at me. I was super confused. I was in a hospital bed, but this didn't really look like a hospital, and she didn't look like a nurse.

"Wheh...", was as far as I managed on "Where am I" before my voice gave out.

"You need to drink a lot. Here, let me help", said the lady and gave me something that looked like a hospital version of a gym bottle. As I drank she continued.

"You had a traffic accident. Nothing serious. Just a concussion, so you were dismissed from the hospital to make room. This is a recovery home."

I was gulping water. Man, was I was thirsty. "Where are we?" I asked.

"Just outside the city, so still close to Johannesburg."

That's like at least 10 hours away from Cape Town. What the fuck had happened?

"What day is it?"

"It's Thursday today, dear. I'll go and get something for you to eat", the fat lady answered, and started to move towards the door.

Something just didn't feel right. It was Wednesday evening when I was kidnapped. "No, what date?"

"Thursday the 28th", she said from the door.

A whole fucking week.

I felt a sucking black hole in my gut. The lady seemed nice, but there was no way I would trust her right now. Perhaps she believed everything she had just told me, but clearly some things were not true. My head felt fine, as opposed to the last time I was conscious, but what about the rest? I didn't feel any restraints, just my body in a hospital gown, under some white sheets. In fact, nothing hurt anywhere. Just thirsty, still, hungry and a need to piss.

I could see a different door in another wall than the nurse had just left through. Presumably a private toilet for this small recovery room. A pair of slippers stood next to the bed, so I threw off the blankets began to sit up and swing out my legs. That's when I first felt it. It was weird feeling, familiar, but yet very different.

I quickly kicked my feet into the slippers and carefully, still a bit woozy, shuffled into the bath room. It was surprisingly roomy. Well, perhaps not surprisingly, given the number of people with casts, wheelchairs and whatnot passing through. But it had plenty of room around the toilet seat and sink, and a full length mirror next to the sink, presumably for wheel chair bound people.

I raised the gown from my knees to expose my front, and just stared for a several seconds to fully understand what I saw. My dick and balls were gone. In its place was the largest, most aggressively male genitalia I had ever seen, even in pictures. The massive dick went almost down to my knees, and thick as a can of red bull. And even though it was completely flaccid it was veiny as cabbage and the outlines of a massive head was clearly visible through the uncut foreskin.

Behind the dick were two softball sized testicles hanging low, but unevenly so. It was all topped off with a large bush of coarse hair. And all of it, the hair, the balls and the dong, where dark chocolate black.

I just stared in disbelief. Then tentatively I touched the penis. Yep, it was real and it was now apparently mine. Standing straight my hands couldn't even reach halfway down to the tip. My mind caught up with reality and was filling with questions. Who did this? Why did they do this? How did they do this? Isn't there organ rejection? Aren't you supposed to eat some sort of pills forever after receiving a transplant? Are there even any pants I can wear anymore? Did baller shorts just become underwear?

I went to the toilet and emptied my bladder. It worked fine. Better than fine even, as aiming just became a lot easier with such a hose, although using paper involved lifting. Lifting! I could feel that it was much more sensitive than what I was used to, and felt it starting to come alive. I quickly dropped it and went back to bed. Just as I did lunch arrived.

Once fed, and having checked with the care taker, Amahle, that she wouldn't be back for two hours, I decided to try out my new dong. Tissues were already on the side table. I sat up in bed, kicked off the sheet and had another look under the gown. I was again taken aback with the sight. It wan't just massive, but somehow everything, length, girth, balls, looked to be in proportion. I must admit that I haven't spent much time thinking about, looking at or describing cocks, but the first words that came to mind were aggressive, intimidating and virile. The black skin made it even more so, as the light from the window created contrasting highlights on the veins.

Carefully I looked at the border, where the black skin met my pasty, white body. Rather than a sharp line, as I had expected, there was a narrow gradient where one color blended over to the other. How on earth was this done? It looked like perhaps a decades old surgery where the scar had long since gone soft.

I resumed where we left off in the bathroom, slowly stroking it. It reacted right away, and apparently was a grower as well as a shower. Holy fuck was it massive. I just lied in bed and over perhaps 20 minutes had the best wank in my life. I have no idea whose dick I was giving a handjob, but this was clearly his loss and my gain. It was filled to the brim with nerve endings, making every stroke amazing. Or perhaps it was designed and grown in a lab somewhere? In that case, props to the cocksmith.

The head was leaking precum like crazy, sending small droplets of man lube for every noisy slosh of foreskin riding up and down the head. I was probably suffering from some sort of auto-erotic asphyxiation with so much blood displaced, but I managed to be amazed over how long I lasted, in the fog of pleasure.

When I finally couldn't keep it contained anymore, I erupted in rope after rope of cum going everywhere. On my chest, in my face, and some overshooting me all together. As I was catching my breath, sweaty and sticky, I was thinking about what to tell Amahle. Or if I should get up and do some attempts to clean up the mess first. I realized I had plenty of problems ahead of me. Cleaning up, getting home, ever wearing pants again, figuring out how to use toilets. But at least there and then I could not care less.

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bentbliley · 3 years

Text

i would just like to say that i’m a big fan of galactic man but there isn’t a lot of lore behind the toy(s) and since i’m probably the most knowledgeable person on the lore of galactic man who didn’t actually write the toy bios, i figured i’d compile my research into one place. i might also put an addendum w/ the short bts history of the original galactic man toy (which would also include a bit of tandy, radio shack, transformers, and transformers generations selects history) but for now, here’s my research into the lore of galactic man. if you just want the blurb of lore, scroll down until you see a bolder paragraph.

#long post #hyperfixation #fantasy firearms

ok so this is practically headcanon but there’s no canon so i’m just piecing together what i can from backs of boxes and 2 product catalog listings but here’s what i believe to be the story of galactic man.

id: the original galactic man, a monotone cycloptic robot w/ a bulky chest, a red eye on a hexagon head, and a gun barrel for a left hand. end id.

so let’s start w/ galactic man, he’s a metallic humanoid who can manipulate parts of his body to become weaponry. his three weapon modes are handheld laser gun for assisting in one-on-one battles, vulcan base destroyer to keep evil enemies from conquering the universe, and anti aircraft gun for protecting his outpost on an alien planet.

id: the back of galactic man’s box. the first galactic man logo is at the top and fades down from green to blue. a subtitle describes him as an “electronic space robot slash gun.” then 4 pictures of his 4 modes are shown. clockwise starting w/ top left, they are robot, hand gun, anti aircraft gun, and vulcan base destroyer. 5 bullet points under the pictures that describe the features of the toy. “twist and turn galactic man to create three menacing-looking galactic weapons,” ”anti-aircraft gun protect’s galactic man’s outpost from attacking invaders,” “vulcan base destroyer helps you keep your evil enemies from conquering the universe,” “handheld laser gun lets you battle one-on-one in thrilling space duels,” “exciting rapid-fire and long-beam sound effects with pulsating light for super galactic action.” end id

this product catalog tells us a little more about galactic man. not much but just enough. there’s a mystery as to whether he’s a man or machine implying that he is human sized and shrinks for the handgun mode and that other inhabitants of this universe don’t know either.

id: black and white high contrast print ad for galactic man. only his robot mode can be seen. the text that’s important to this post: “is he a man or machine? twist and turn to create an anti-aircraft gun, vulcan base destroyer or laser gun. exciting sound effects. seven inches tall.” end id.

so w/ all this, we can tell pretty clearly that galactic man is in an outpost on an alien planet and that the aliens who are trying to attack the outpost are called vulcans.

now, i can hear you all asking “what about robocop?” so here’s robocop. he was sold in 2 colour schemes, red and silver and then grey. the back of the box says “team up with galactic man” and basically says this is galactic man, not the robot that we associate w/ the name. this in addition to the lack of any mentions of vulcans and the new logo make me believe this is a completely different galactic man unrelated to the vulcan fighting machine or man. there’s a chance he’s like, the second galactic man or galactic man is a group which explains the pallet swap. this galactic man was supposedly released around 1990, a full 5 years after the original hit radio shack shelves, so it kinda makes sense that they wouldn’t be connected.

id: left: red and silver robocop galactic man holding a golden machine gun. right: grey robocop galactic man holding a yellow laser gun. end id

id: the entire left half is robocop’s face w/ a bright red lit up visor. the top right corner has the second galactic man logo. the flavour text reads as follows: “team up with galactic man to defend the universe! he has three mighty weapons to choose from - laser gun, machine gun and light sword. press on if the eight buttons on his back for exciting sound effects!” end id

i did find two other galactic blank toys sold by radio shack that could be related but idk. gonna talk about them anyway.

the galactic walker is probably a knockoff of tomy’s starriors strazor runabout. the logo for the galactic walker is different from either of the galactic man logos, the box doesn’t mention vulcans by name, and it’s totally out of scale as the gold pilot is about the same size as diaclone pilots at the time. i don’t believe the galactic walker is related to either of the galactic mans but i also don’t know if it was released in 1985 or 1990 so it could have been intended to be part of either galactic man toy “lines.”

id: galactic walker in dynatron mode which can best be described as a white robot sauropod w/ blue limbs and an orange cockpit face. end id.

id: side of galactic walker box. six bullet points describe the toy and are as follows: “conquers the enemy four different ways,” “motor power creatures over the toughest terrains,” “durable plastic body,” “leads the fight against evil space monsters,” “provides hours of fun for children of all ages,” “quickly changes into new shape,” end id.

lastly, the galactic space pistol which has a fourth logo style and doesn’t mention vulcans BUT it was released alongside the original galactic man as seen in the full page the earlier print ad came from as seen below. again, neither the box nor the ad mention vulcans, it’s really just by association.

id: blocky white sci-if pistol. missing battery cover on grip. end id.

id: the full page of radio shack ads. end id.

id: side of the galactic space pistol’s box. three bullet points reading: “defend your territory against the aliens,” “red and green pulsating lights flash in unison with the sound,” “rugged, milder design for hours of action.” end id.

so what have we learned today? that tandy really likes reusing the word galactic and they really don’t care because at the end of the day, mass market toys are just meant to take money out from parents’ wallets. the story, if any, is secondary and any comic, cartoon, or book made to go w/ the toys is purely advertising material and tandy didn’t care enough to actually make a story that could be easily found. but i think i can scrounge a quick summary of what the story might be, feel free to chime in w/ your own interpretations but mine is just a rearrangement of the bullet points on the boxes for reader digestibility.

so, galactic man is a mysterious robot who may be human or may just be a simple machine meant to protect the inhabitants of an outpost on an alien planet from the creatures known as vulcans. galactic man can change shape and size to turn into weaponry for the outposters. an anti-aircraft gun for protection from the vulcans’ aerial assault. a handheld pistol for limited space mono e mono (in the english misinterpretation, not the spanish translation). and lastly, a weapon designed specifically to take down vulcan bases of operation. a pistol is also available for the outposters for protection when galactic man isn’t available.

NOTE: i can’t tell what the outposters are. is it an apocalypse setting? are they colonisers? are they scientific researchers? hard to say. could be all three, who knows? do i really want a galactic man comic or cartoon or something? h*ll yes i do. will i write fan fic for galactic man? maybe nebulously in the future when i have time. i know for a fact i definitely want that gens selects galactic man just for my love of all this, i’m debatably the biggest galactic man fan so it’d be weird if i didn’t wanna get it at some point. it’s also the perfect intersection between my love of shapeshifting robot toys and 80s computers as the tandy that owned radio shack at the time is the same tandy that produced computers in the 80s.

#long post #hyperfixation #fantasy firearms

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rpd-rookie · 4 years

Text

Five Stages of Fatherhood - Leon S. Kennedy x Reader

Summary: Fatherhood can be wonderful but for Leon Kennedy, fatherhood is scary and he is not ready for it at all. How is he going to process your unexpected news?

Author’s note: I wanted to release this one-shot for Father's Day but it was far from being finished. But here it is. I was mainly inspired by the recent posts I saw on Tumblr. I hope I did Leon justice and that you'll love this story as much as I loved writing it. Don’t forget to like/reblog and give me your impression.

Tags: Angst; Fatherhood ; Depression; Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism ;Anxiety; Language

Also Available on AO3

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

They say those are the five stages of grief. Five stages you must overcome to be at peace with yourself. Five stages you must experience, however hard and painful they are, to find the strength to pull yourself back together and keep on living. Leon knew those five stages all too well. He had experienced them more times than he could count through all those years fighting since the Raccoon City incident. They had paved his life, making him wonder why and if he would ever see an end to it all one day. But what he didn’t know is that he was about to experience them again. But in a new unexpected way he would have never imagined.

1. Denial

I’m pregnant. Three simple words that made his simple life suddenly not so simple anymore, repeating and echoing in his head, making him feel like his whole world was suddenly crumbling around him, over him, burying him under rubbles of fear and uncertainty. I’m pregnant. He didn’t just hear that. This was a dream, a hallucination due to sleep deprivation or a silly joke. It had to be. Because it couldn’t be real. This couldn’t happen to him. There was no way he had gotten you pregnant. Yes, you were fooling him. Right? … Right? He had a brief forced laugh, anxiety eating him up slowly. “Please tell me you’re joking.” Pinned to his desk chair, he stared at you waiting for a silly answer or an amused grin. He obviously got neither of them and so he immediately froze, watching you frowning at him with a look that was way too grave and serious to his taste. “Do you really think I would joke about something like this?” Why not? Anything would be better than those three words being the truth. “How can that be so absurd to you that I might be pregnant?” Pregnant? He felt suddenly dizzy. No fucking way.

Mouth slightly opened, confused and petrified blue eyes fixed upon you, and a marble immobility. That’s all that remained of Leon as he searched for something to say, something to think, something to reassure himself with, something to tell him that this conversation, this moment, was not happening right now.

Pregnant? Really? “I didn’t get you pregnant.” You stared at him in shock as he relentlessly shook his head. “I couldn’t. It’s not possible. I…” He cut himself off when he saw you looking away, huge tears suddenly flooding your usually joyful (colour) eyes.

Clearly, that wasn’t the reaction you expected from him. But that’s all his brain could process at the moment, the only thing it could find to keep him afloat, to prevent him from drowning in panic. “There must be some sort of mistake. I can’t be a father. This is not happening.” Leon was freaking out. He couldn’t deny it. The pounding of his heart in his chest was enough evidence. But years fighting BOWs had taught him not to show any ounce of panic even in the worst situations. So, mechanically, no emotion filtered through in voice, making it almost cold. Actually, it sounded so heartless it rooted you on the spot, unaware of what was going on right now in your boyfriend’s head and unable to understand that his weird reaction was just his reason trying to calm him down and help find a quick way-out before reaching an inevitable end. That inevitable end being Fatherhood.

“What are you saying?” You dared ask, your face suddenly pale because of the terrible things he implied. “I don’t want to be a father, Y/N.” He declared looking at you right in the eye. “I don’t want whatever you think is inside your womb right now.” You slumped in your chair, feeling speechless and shocked but most of all, insulted. Did he just call your child a ‘whatever’ and insinuated it wasn’t even there? Was he really denying everything? Saying you were wrong? “Take another test. I’m sure this must be some sort of mistake.” You stared at him, bewildered and fighting to prevent your tears from falling as shock was slowly yet surely turning into sorrow and anger.

2. Anger

“There’s no mistake, Leon. A gynaecologist confirmed it. I’m three months pregnant! Fuck, do you really think I denied this pregnancy on purpose?” There was a sudden knot in your throat, strangling all your words. Leon shrugged. “Honestly, Y/N, I don’t get how someone cannot realize they’re pregnant.” “Simple. Imagine your boyfriend almost dying in a bombing attack in DC, then pushing you out when you try to help him. Then one day, after an entire month watching him falling deeper and deeper into depression despite all your efforts to bring him comfort, you realise that he left without telling you where he’s going. After asking a few people, you learn that he’s decided to take some ‘vacation’ but you know all too well that this vacation of his is just him drowning himself in alcohol in some lousy hotel.” You spouted angrily, feeling all your hormones boiling inside of you. “And I guess you can also add his four weeks of radio silence and the worry you felt when you learn that he who you loved so freaking much was almost killed again in another bio-terrorist attack, this time in New York. I guess that’s a pretty good way to make you deny a pregnancy!” “Oh, so this is my fault?!” He asked, almost shouting, thinking your were accusing him when in fact you were just accusing the horrible stress and the worry you had felt for the last ten weeks or so. “I’m the alcoholic bastard who knocked you up and you’re the poor lost innocent girl? That’s what you’re saying?” “Do you even realise how hurtful you are? Do you really think that is what I want to hear right now?” You tried to block a sob, in vain and Leon sighed in exasperation as he briefly rolled his eyes. He won’t have your crocodile tears right now. “Don’t force me on a guilt trip, Y/N. Please.” He said, frozen stoicism making his features as strong and cold as marble. “Weren’t you on the pill, by the way?” He frowned, and a tear rolled down your cheek. You wiped it quickly. “You forgot it?”

You tried to answer but you knew that the second you would talk it would unleash Leon’s anger and you were not ready to bear it. “For fuck’s sake, Y/N.” Leon gritted his teeth and glared while you instinctively braced yourselves, hands holding tightly at the armrest of your chair. “You only had one thing to think about! One!” He growled, a scolding finger pointed at your face. “Take a fucking pill!” “I may have forgotten once” You whispered almost inaudibly. “Oh, you forgot?” He scoffed before slamming his hand against the wooden desk as he brutally stood up making you jump in your chair. “And then she blames me for my depression. Fantastic.” You frowned. That’s not what you had meant. “Leon…” “You’re as responsible as I am, Y/N. You may have not realised you were pregnant because of what I did but you are the one forgot to take a fucking pill. And, how could you forget? How could you screw my life, both our lives, like that?” Leon screamed as he walked in circles in his office, like a lion in a cage, except that he was lost. He was lost in fear, panic and anger. And he had no control over them. Hard to bear for someone usually so grounded. And that what was pissed him off the most in this situation. Not the news of your pregnancy but lack of control.

“Do you really think I want to be a father at the moment? Or ever? Do you really think our lives or this world are fit to welcome a kid right now?” His voice trembled, powerful emotions finally getting the better of him. A child of his could not be born in such an unsafe dark world. A child could not be part of his messed up cataclysmic life. Family was not made for him. He couldn’t be the devoted agent he was, save the world from awful monsters and have a normal life waiting for him at home. Leon had come to that conclusion years ago. And he even had accepted it long before meeting you. “No. But it’s there now. So please, let’s figure out what to do.” You begged, understanding his fear and yet still trying to reason with him. “What do you want to figure out, Y/N? I told you I didn’t want to be a father. And I thought I made that pretty clear when we had the baby conversation at the beginning of our relationship.” Crystal clear. No living together, no marriage, no children. So were the terms of your relationship. A sacrifice he had asked you to make if you truly wanted to be with him. And you had made it out of love for him. But there was someone else, someone else you loved as deeply as you loved Leon if not more.

“So what do I do?” You asked, lost, using the pronoun ‘I’ because you truly felt on your own right now. “Fuck, I don’t know, Y/N. I don’t fucking know.”

3. Bargaining

But you eventually made a choice, one Leon never saw coming. And all he got was a letter; a simple piece of paper to explain the sacrifice you had decided to make. A letter not even truly addressed to him that made him realise that words could indeed hurt more than actions because, had he had the choice, he would have taken a thousand knives in the heart over those hundreds painful tearstained words.

“My dear baby,

As I write this to you, you’re barely the size of a peach, taking a small place in my womb but already a big one in my heart in a way I never thought humanly possible. If someone had told me that one day I would love someone that intensely, that unconditionally to a point I would sacrifice everything for them, even my own life, I would have laughed to their face. But here you are, not even born and yet making me take a decision I never believed I would take. Giving up on the man I love. Yes, it’s going to be just the two of us from now on. Mother and child building a life together. Not the perfect family portrait but it will be ours and it will be full of love and tenderness. And I hope you’ll like it despite its flaws. I wish I had given you a dad but fate decided otherwise. He decided otherwise. But please, don’t hate him for that. Your dad is an incredible man. A man I love and will always love. A man that will always be a part of me whatever I do. A man that offered me the chance to be a mother. But he is not ready to make a room for you in his heart the way I did. I guess he would have under other circumstances but you don’t need to know them just yet. What you need to know is that your dad is a hero and that heroes sacrifice themselves. Always. Remember him that way. As a selfless man who chose the safety of the world – the world you live in - over his own happiness, because he’s done too much good for you or me to hate him. But don’t worry, my baby. While Daddy is making the world a safer place, I am here to make it a loving one.

I love you,

Your mum.”

That letter stayed on his coffee table for days, lying there for him to read again and again, next to a bottle of fine old whisky Leon would empty one glass after another, one regret after another, begging God –even though he did not believed in him – to bring you back to him.

There’s nothing worse than regrets, nothing worse than sitting alone with yourself and wait for sorrow to finally drown you, nothing worse than being lost in a maze of ‘what if’ and ‘if only’ and knowing that you cannot change anything.

What if he had made an effort? What if he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass? What if he had told you he loved you? What if he had said it would be okay? What if he had simply accepted this baby? How is life would be right now?

And he imagined it. He imagined himself at home with you in his arms, hand over your belly, feeling his child kicking and rolling under his palm. He imagined your smile, your soft giggles. Your happiness. And it crushed him. It crushed him because he wasn’t able to imagine anything else. He could not imagine the dark world he knew all too well. He could not imagine the fear or the pain he always thought he would feel in this situation.

And with regrets came guilt.

If only he had made and effort. If only he had reacted otherwise and not like an ass. If only he had told you he loved you. If only he had said it would be okay. If only he had accepted your baby. His life would be so much better right now.

4. Depression

But you were gone and with you all his hopes of future happiness. You had taken everything from him, leaving him alone, in the dark and purposeless, wandering in his fancy apartment with a new bottle of liquor each evening.

Leon knew depression. But this depression, the one he was experiencing right now, was the worst he had ever experienced. Because if you were gone, it was not because of a bullet, it was not because of a bomb or a BOW. It was because of him. It was entirely his fault. And he couldn’t even change it.

You would not see him, not even talk to him, despite all the messages left on your voicemail or the letters in which he apologized and begged you to come back, telling you if was ready to change and that he was ready to welcome this baby if it meant you'd be together again. And it destroyed him.

He became a mess and he eventually did what he did best. He left, finding refuge in an isolated part of America, a lost cottage in the mountains to drink his sorrow away in peace, somewhere where no one would judge him or find him.

He was wrong about the last part. As one day, after weeks and weeks of radio silence and isolation, an old friend came to knock at his door to kick his ass back to where he belonged. Guess there was no escaping Claire Redfield.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing? The Leon I know would never sit there powerlessly and accept his fate that easily.” Leon would have sent anyone packing after a sentence like that one. But Claire wasn’t just anyone. He listened to her. “You want Y/N back? Then quit your bullshit, Leon, and go find her.” “She doesn’t want to talk to me, Claire.” She scoffed, taking his glass of whisky away from him and throwing the liquid away. “So what? You’re gonna stay here for the rest of your miserable life, drinking and crying, and concede defeat? That doesn’t sound like you.” He accepted her scolding, admitting she was right but he had lost the strength to fight. “I know it’s hard, Leon. I do.” Her tone was suddenly so soft and comforting. “I know what it is to lose someone you love as deeply as you love Y/N. But you can still fix it.” “How? She pushed me out of her life. She even moved out. She doesn’t want me anymore.” Claire sighed. “How naïve you are. She loves you. She wants you back. She really does but she doesn’t want you to accept this baby just because you feel like you don’t have a choice. She wants you to want it, truly want it.”

There was a silence, a moment of introspection in which Leon felt the fear and the anxiety rushing in his veins again, knotting his stomach tightly. “I’m not ready, Claire. I’m scared.” Tears misted up his tired blue eyes. “ I know. And it’s normal. But there’s a girl in a hospital out there who’s about to give birth to your child and she needs you, now more than ever.”

5. Acceptance

His head was dizzy, his hands were clammy and his legs were trembling. As Leon was following the nurse in the neonatology wing of the maternity hospital, dressed in a hospital uniform, he wondered if it was the smell of disinfectant or the fright he was feeling growing inside of him that was making him want to puke right now. Perhaps a little bit of both. “It’s this way.” The nurse opened a door and waved him to join her by a small incubator in the middle of the room, a sweet smile on her face.

But Leon froze, completely petrified. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. All he could do was watching at his five pounds of fear sleeping few steps away from him. “Someone’s here to see you, little angel. It’s your daddy.” Daddy? The word made Leon tremble and small tears appear in his eyes, tears that instantly grew bigger when the small creature finally moved its tiny arms. “Many fathers are afraid when they come here. But I assure you there’s nothing to fear. Your baby is fragile but you won’t hurt her, I promise.” Leon’s blue eyes met briefly the nurse before fixing themselves upon the face of the little thing lying in the incubator. “A daughter?” He had a daughter? He was the father of a little girl? This tiny angel in a pink beanie right there? He approached her, instinctively, wanting so badly to see her from up close. She was so beautiful and yet so tiny.

“Would you like to hold her?” Leon nodded, without thinking twice about it and the nurse made him sit down and remove the top of his hospital uniform, informing him that it would be better for his daughter to feel his skin since it was warmer and more reassuring than any fabric.

That first contact felt weird but Leon was certain of one thing, he had never hold anything so minuscule, light and fragile in his entire life. It scared him for a second, afraid she would break, but the instinct to protect her was stronger than anything else. “I’ll leave you two alone. If you need anything I’m not far.” Leon didn’t notice the nurse leave, mesmerized by that piece of him nestled in his arms right against his naked chest, watching her with wonder and awe, barely believing that he had made this … that you both had made this. “You’re so perfect.” He whispered as he dared caress her soft tender rosy cheek. His skin felt so rough against hers that she grimaced slightly. “So pure.”

Her hands were so little, just like her feet. Leon touched her fingers, still impressed by their size and shivered when they suddenly grabbed his index. “Wow, how strong you are, little princess.” He grinned, looking at her weak grip until he felt a pair of eyes staring at him.

They were dark and blue, soft innocent baby eyes scrutinizing him with astonishment, discovering his face and bonding with him in ways Leon had never thought possible. He could see the world in those blue eyes just as much as his daughter was discovering the world through his. And he could feel love, strong and unconditional, a love he would never be able to feel for anyone else, he was sure of it. A fatherly love. One that would make him move mountains just for the sake of protecting his child. One that would make him give up his life for hers. How beautiful yet how scary.

And he cried tears of joy and guilt, happy to have her in his life and yet sorry that he hadn’t be there for her sorry. He had missed too much. First echography, first move, first kick, first cry. All that because of fear and stubbornness. And he felt awful because of it.

A hand pressed gently on his shoulder. Leon turned around to see you standing next to him, a tired smile on your face. “Y/N” You knelt by his side, softly caressing the head of your daughter who had fallen asleep in the strong arms of her father. “I’m sorry... I am so sorry. I should have been there for you.” “ You’re here now. And that’s all that matters.”

Yes, he was here and he would remain here, by his daughter’s side and by yours, until his last breath. For first steps, first words, first birthday, first drawing, first day at school, first love, first heartbreak. He would forever be here for her and make the world a safer place for her. He had finally found a reason to keep fighting. And it was five pounds of pure love.

Little (baby’s name) Claire Kennedy.

Making his life brighter despite five stages of fatherhood he would willingly go through again if it meant he could hold her in his arms forever.

#leon s kennedy #leon kennedy #resident evil #leon kennedy x reader #leon s kennedy x reader #one shot #fanfic

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justpeachii · 4 years

Text

Pairing: Sugawara Koushi x Female Reader

Summary: After getting bored with your love life, you download one of those silly dating apps. However, things don’t go as planned, leaving you crying in your best friends arms.

Genre: College AU (Juniors), angst, comfort, platonic, mutual pining but both are dumb, kind of a cliche ending but :’)

Warnings: profanity and that is all.

Word Count: 3.2 K

Author’s Note: hello! This is my first fic here on the good ole tumblr and i hope you enjoy it! This was very much (sadly) based off of real life events and really just something i wanted to write to get my feelings out. i do suggest listening to the little playlist below while reading because not only were they what i listened to while writing, but also what got me through it (along with some great friends). Also uh… i didn’t expect this to be this long hehe YIKES. Anyways, enjoy! (also i’m SORRY TENDO he got the short end of the stick 😭 i’ll make it up i swear)

also tagging the lovely @noya-sannnn !! who inspired me to write this!!

Playlist

blame game (acoustic) by mxmtoon

Grow As We Go by Ben Platt

dream of you (acoustic) by mxmtoon

did it to myself by orla gartland

ready now by dodie

Comfort Crowd by Conan Gray

Late nights were always the worst. Between the endless torrent of thoughts or the overwhelming amount of homework, sleep was a luxury you could hardly afford. Afterall, juggling not only 18 credit hours of classes, a part-time job, and work projects for your major was not the norm, but for you, it was.

Not only was sleep something you often overlooked, but love was as well. That is until one night you decided to download one of those silly dating apps on one of those late nights. After choosing a few of your best selfies and creating a fun little bio, you got to swiping.

Left. Left. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Left. Pause. Scroll profile. Pause. Right.

It’s a Match!

After a moment of hesitation, you closed out of the message prompt, continuing to swipe and scroll before feeling the weight of sleep upon your eyelids.

It had been two months since matching with Tendo Satori. Two months full of laughter, late nights at each other’s apartments, and confessions of love. Or at least what you thought was love. What started as a spark had grown to the size of a wildfire, burning inside your chest. A newfound love so strong it made your heart ascend to the highest of places.

However, what goes up must come down.

While you would like to believe it was sudden, all the warning signs were there. Him growing distant, opening texts but not responding, cancelling plans last minute; the list goes on. The one thing that was sudden was the text you received before class.

Of course this would happen to you fifteen minutes before a two hour lecture. The last thing you would want to see: a paragraph of half-assed excuses followed up by “i just don’t think im ready for a relationship”.

You wanted to scream, throw your phone against the concrete, cause a scene, but you didn’t. As the tears began to flow, you scrolled on your phone for your most trusted friend, pressing on the call button next to their name.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Y/n? Don’t you have class soon? What’s going on?”

At this point, you were holding back sobs, voice coming out in a quiet whisper as you held the phone to your ear with a shaking hand.

“Suga… I have class in a few, but I- he-” you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words. What would you tell him after all? While you and Tendo had never put a label on it, it still felt like a break-up.

“He? Y/n, are you okay?” There was a faint rustle on his end of the line, the sound of him putting his shoes on. “Can you take a few breaths for me? Take your time, I’m here when you’re ready to talk.”

Doing as he said, you took a few snot-filled breaths before managing to get the tears to stop falling. While you did so, you found a spot outside the lecture hall, sitting beneath a tree and leaning your head against its trunk, letting your eyes close.

“He ended it. Tendo… He texted me saying all this stuff of how he was sorry for pushing me away and that he wasn’t ready for a relationship.” You said in a firm voice. It was as if you were willing yourself to be strong for his sake, not wanting to worry him more than he was.

There was a pause from Sugawara as he processed what you had just said. When he spoke, his tone was bitter, one you rarely heard.

“That piece of shit. Over a text! He didn’t have the decency to call you or, hell, even set up a dinner or something!” He gave a sigh followed by a beat of silence. “I’m so sorry, Y/n… I know it is probably the dumbest question to ask, but are you okay?”

“Not really, but I have to be since I have class in,” you glanced at your watch, groaning, “six minutes. I don’t really want to go, I just want to go home, curl up in my blanket, and cry.”

While your heart was breaking over some boy you had known for a couple of months, Sugawara Koushi’s was breaking for you. Not only was he your closest friend since you transferred to the same university, he was also head-over-heels for you. When you mentioned to him the dates, he feigned happiness for your sake, supporting you through all of it. Now, hearing you in shambles on the other end of the phone made him want to run to you, pull you into an embrace, and give you the world.

Sadly, he couldn’t do what he wished. He knew your professor had a strict attendance policy, which meant that you would have to sit in class for two hours with a broken heart. Two hours for him to prepare as much of the world as he could.

“I know this is one of the last things you want to hear right now, Y/n, but I know it will get better. If your professor didn’t have such a stick up his butt you would be able to skip without a problem.” As your friend spoke, the tears began to fall once more, your free hand coming up to swipe them away.

“I know it won’t be for another two hours, but after your class, do you want to come over and we can have a movie night? We don’t have to talk about anything, just watch Tangled or Your Name.”

It took you a minute to find your voice once more, the ball of despair tight in your throat, leaving you to silently nod. Then you find your voice.

“I’d like that, Suga… I’d love it, in fact. I just… I don’t want to be alone tonight, but I also don’t want to bother you and I know-”

“You know you’re never a bother. Trust me, Y/n. After class, come over to my place. You can have my bed and I’ll take the couch.” His voice cut you off from finishing your thought, leaving your lips parted with an apology, a breath falling out in its place.

For the first time in the past nine minutes, you smiled. It wasn’t much, but Sugawara could hear it in your voice from the other side as you whispered, “Okay. Thank you, Suga. I love you, you know?”

“I love you, too.” His own face was graced with a smile, though behind it he held all his emotions. How he wished to hear those words uttered in a non-platonic way. “Now get to class before you’re late! I’ll see you in a couple hours.”

While you were busy in class, both from note taking, group discussions, and trying your best to not break down any minute, Sugawara was busy in his own way. As soon as the phone call ended, he was out the door, making his way to the nearest convenience store, buying the essentials for healing a broken heart. Four pints of ice cream, a mix of his favorite flavors and yours, a couple bags of chips, some candy, and even a new stuffed teddy bear later, he was checking out, checking his phone constantly for the time, in case he had spent more time than he thought.

With his bags in hand, he made his way back to his apartment, getting everything set up for the movie night. While it wasn’t going to be a joyous occasion, he wanted it to have a happier atmosphere than what the topic of discussion would be. He placed the bags of chips and candy on the coffee table, the teddy bear placed between them; ice cream in the freezer for future consumption. Once the snacks were in place, he began to gather the softest blankets, grabbing your favorite along the way.

Every time you would come over, no matter the temperature outside, he would find you curled up in it. One finals week while the two of you were cramming for an exam the next morning, he found you dozed off at the coffee table, the same fuzzy grey blanket wrapped around your shoulders. He even took a picture of you, asleep with your cheek in hand, other hand slack from writing notes that had since been abandoned. You still didn’t know about the picture to this day, but it was one he cherished.

Time seemed to pass quickly as he finished getting everything together, not realizing the time until you knocked at his door. Answering it within seconds, he gave you a gentle smile, opening his arms for a hug he knew you desperately needed. That was all it took for the dam to break once more. As your arms wrapped around him, the tears fell in steady streams onto his t-shirt.

His hands rubbed soothing circles on your back as he slowly shuffled backwards, pulling you two past the threshold, allowing him to close the door behind you. One hand rested on the back of your head, holding you close to his chest, the other in the middle of your back. The two of you stood there for what seemed like hours before you lifted your head, eyes red and puffy. Sugawara’s hand moved from the back of your head to hold your face, wiping away any remaining tears.

“Sorry for soaking your shirt.” you said with a small laugh, as you finally met his gaze. Warm, brown eyes full of nothing but comfort and safety met yours. There was a soft smile on his lips, while it was kind, it held a hint of sadness.

“Don’t worry, I like my shirts soggy.” He said with a chuckle of his own. After making sure your face was dry of any tears, he nodded towards the living room. “Now come on, I have a little surprise for you!”

After slipping your shoes off, you followed him into the living room, spotting the assortment of treats, along with the teddy bear. You swore you were done crying, but a few tears found their way out once more, but this time for a different reason. As you made your way to the coffee table, Sugawara disappeared to the kitchen, grabbing two pints of ice cream and spoons. When he reappeared, you were already curled up on the couch, blanket wrapped around your shoulders, bear in your lap, and a few tears rolling down your face.

“You really didn’t have to do all of this, Suga. A movie and talking would have been just fine,” you said as he sat down next to you handing off your chosen flavor and spoon. He scoffed at your remark, gesturing with his spoon.

“And just fine isn’t good enough! No one deserves to be broken up with through a text. Especially you, Y/n. Why, the next time I see him, he better watch his back.” He said, his glare pointed off to the side.

“There will be no fighting him, okay? Physical or verbally. What happened is… What happened. I can’t say I didn’t see it coming when I could have if I just looked.” You said, opening up the pint and taking a spoonful. With a small huff, he copied your motions, a beat of silence falling between the two of you.

The lull in conversation lasted for a little while as neither knew what to say. You didn’t want to speak anymore on what had happened, but it was eating away at you. Sugawara could tell it was, so finally he spoke, clearing his throat before doing so.

“I’ll listen,” he said, his gaze meeting yours. The look you gave him was almost that of a puppy that had been scolded. Hurt. Sad. “When you’re ready, I’ll listen. You can tell me everything, okay?”

The two of you sat in silence for a minute more before he decided to put on a movie, filling the void. By the halfway point, the two of you had finished your pints, the cartons since abandoned on the coffee table. The other snacks are left untouched. Finally, you turn towards him and take a deep breath.

“I’m ready now.”

Those three words were all it took for him to pause the movie and shift to face you. For the next two hours, you spilled your emotions to him, both the highs and lows of the two month endeavor. At some point, he had pulled you into his arms and between his legs, his back against the arm of the couch with you on his chest. Your tears soaked his shirt once more as his hands ran up and down your back. Soon, you found yourself asleep in his embrace, exhausted from emotions.

Sugawara looked down at your finally peaceful face, cheeks stained from tears. Carefully, he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, closing his eyes as he silently prayed he would never see you like this again.

After that night, you and Sugawara started to spend more time together. Not only for study nights, but weekly movie watch nights, daily lunch meet-ups, and impromptu ice cream runs.

The three months leading up to finals left your old feelings to return, but somehow stronger. While you had gotten over Tendo rather quickly (and likewise with him. Not a week after your “break up” he was in a relationship with someone else) you didn’t want to admit your feelings for your best friend. At least that was the plan until a particularly late night study session that had you banging your head against a textbook that lay on the coffee table.

“You know you can’t actually cram the information into your memory, right?” Sugawara said with a chuckle. You groaned in response, wadding up a piece of paper and throwing it at him. He batted it away swiftly, leaning on his elbows.

“I know that, but what I don’t know is how I’m expected to memorize all of these algorithms in order to pass!” You whined, giving up as you flopped onto your back, tugging the blanket that was around your shoulders closer. From his spot across the table, Sugawara continued to type away on his laptop, stifling a yawn.

Laying there, you looked up at the ceiling, thinking back over the past few months. Your mind wandered back to that one terrible day and the lengths that Sugawara had gone through to make sure you were alright. It brought a smile to your face as you closed your eyes, giving a soft sigh. This caught the grey-haired boy’s attention, looking away from his work to see you with the dumbest grin on your face. He couldn’t help his own from pulling at his lips.

“What are you thinking about over there? Doesn’t seem like it’s math by the smile on your face.”

“You.”

Caught off guard, he blinked a few times before responding. You, however, hadn’t realized what you had said just yet. While it wasn’t wrong, it was very bold.

“Me? What about me?” He asked, his curiosity overpowering his nerves for the time being.

“How you surprised me that one night. Ice cream, snacks, a teddy bear… Your smile, how much you always seem to make me laugh, you good of a hugger you are… How much I think I love you.” As you listed things off, you grew quieter and quieter, your voice a whisper by the end.

Sugawara’s heart felt like it had just gotten done running sprints after losing a match back in high school. He felt his cheeks flush as he shifted to better look over the table at you. Never had you said you loved him outside of a friendly manner and here you were, on his living room floor confessing your love for him.

“You think… You love me, Y/n?” The breath that he had been holding exhaled in a sigh afterwards, only to be replaced with another as he waited for you to respond.

It was then that you realized what you had said. Immediately, you felt your cheeks flush as you sat up with wide eyes, abandoning the blanket on the floor. Looking like a deer in the headlights, you searched his face for a sign of anything. What you found were cheeks as red as your own, a hint of excitement behind his eyes, and a semi-confused look plastered on his face. You felt it was as good a time as any to get it off the table. Taking a deep breath, you nodded.

“I do, Suga. And I have since the first semester of sophomore year and I never told you because I didn’t think you felt the same way or that things would get a little awkward between the two of us. I tried to just push the feelings away or ignore them, hoping they would go away, but they didn’t and I was too dumb to say anything.”

In the silence that followed, you prepared yourself for the worst. However, the worst didn’t come. Instead, a small string of laughter fell from his lips as the corners of his eyes crinkled, a bright smile lighting up his face.

“Then we are both dumb, Y/n! I did all of those things for you that night because not only are you my best friend, but I truly do love you. It hurt seeing you like that and I knew I couldn’t tell you how I felt because it wasn’t right.”

Letting out a sigh of relief, you moved back to the coffee table, placing your elbows on it before laying your hands flat on the surface. Soon, his hands found yours, thumb brushing against the back of your hands. With a small laugh, you gave a small shrug.

With a breathy laugh, you responded, “Even so, why didn’t either of us say something sooner! Then we would have avoided all of that to begin with.”

Sugawara just shook his head, giving your hands a tight squeeze. “True, but that was the past. Where we are now is where we were meant to be. Like I told you, it got better.”

“It did, and it was all because of you.” Turning your hands over in his, you gave them a gentle squeeze, to which he returned.

“I love you, Y/n”

“I love you, too, Suga.”

#sugawara x reader #sugawara x yn #sugawara x you #sugawara koushi x reader #sugawara koushi x yn #sugawara koushi x you #sugawara fanfic #sugawara koushi #haikyuu fanfic #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu x yn #haikyuu x you #reader instert #haikyuu reader insert #justpeachii #justpeachii originals #its here you guys i cannot believe it #im gonna go drink some tea now and maybe work more on the daichi spy au

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ravenbrenna09 · 4 years

Text

Jij Verliest - Chapter Three: Clip 8

the edited version of the chapter will come up later tonight (also technically there are two clips)

master list previous

...

Vrijdag 22:32

When Robbe sat down for his typical Friday night stream, he had a plan. For starters, he was only going to stream for the usual three hours that he always did. No more. No less. After, he was going to study for an hour, look over notes for his test on Wednesday, and go to bed. Then, in the morning, he would wake up, have breakfast with the flatshare, and go skating with his friends. After that, he didn’t know.

Robbe thought he was stronger.

Once the clock neared 21:00, his chat thoroughly managed to convince him—aided by Moyo and Aaron, chanting over the Discord call—to stream for an additional hour. While the smarter part of Robbe’s brain had begged him to stick to the schedule in his head, he was having so much fun with his friends and the chat that he couldn’t help extending the time a little longer. And, as it neared 22:00, he couldn’t help but continue for ‘one more round’ which simply turned into five without blinking. Robbe was starting to wonder when it would end because he didn’t want to.

Then, through the act of his phone lighting up, the universe decided to tell him to get off the stream.

earthlingoddity: It’s so lonely under the stars without you.

The message in every sense of the word screamed Sander. Yet, it made Robbe’s insides twist and turn with such a defined precision that it was elating. Freeing. It was bold and private, a confession for only the two of them, something that they shared. Something that Sander wanted to share with Robbe so openly and so quickly and so boldly.

Even though the stream was running, Robbe couldn’t leave Sander without a response. As soon as he had hit send (the second time), he turned back to the stream, catching up on the donations and messages. It was practically second nature now. But, he still found himself watching for his screen to light up again.

sterkerdanijzer: Oh, yeah? How can I make it a little less lonely?

Sander’s next message was the final cannonball into Robbe’s intricate night schedule. Whatever ounce of want to look over his Bio notes, to get to bed on time, splintered into pieces on the ground at three simple little words that flashed on the screen.

earthlingoddity: Wanna join me?

Vrijdag 22:52

As soon as the invitation had come through, Robbe abruptly ended the stream and claimed that he needed to the studying that he had been neglecting. His chat had all wished him goodbye and good luck on his upcoming tests. Once the stream was ended, he practically hung up on his friends and tripped over his feet in his search for a pair of jeans. Once he had switched out his night-stream sweatpants, Robbe was shoving his feet into shoes and typing out a message to Sander about meeting him.

Sander replied with a wink emoji and then an address.

As Robbe stepped out into the hallway, he quietly shut his door and tiptoed toward the front door. Even though Zoë—and Senne—were the only ones home, he didn’t want to disturb them in his haste to meet Sander. As Robbe opened the door, he could hear the sounds of their movie sounding from the living room. Feeling like he was sneaking out past curfew, he tiptoed out the door and pulled it close behind him without a sound. Once the door was locked, Robbe practically sprinted to the elevator, impatiently pressing the button until it opened.

The address that Sander sent him brought him to a warehouse or rather a whole street full of warehouses of all shapes and sizes. Nearly all the surrounding warehouses had their lights shut off and the only light that bathed the street was the harsh white light emanating from the street posts. Other than Robbe and a stray cat that darted into a dark alleyway, the street was empty.

Standing outside of the warehouse with the matching address, he balanced on one foot and looked around, searching for a sign of Sander. Or, at the very least, a clue of where to go. As he hopped off his bike, he spotted another in the shadows of the building and the neighboring one. It was a dark bike with dark handles but there was a bright red lightning bolt sticker on the bars. It was Sander’s.

Stepping into the shadows, Robbe leaned his bike on the wall near his before he moved further into the alleyway in search of the other. It was short and badly lit. There was enough room for a dumpster and some breathing room, but aside from that, the alleyway was bare of anything else. In the end, it opened up onto the Scheldt and the dark night sky. Robbe stepped out of the alleyway and quickly found who he was looking for.

Poised on the edge of the concrete, Sander looked like a stone statue, left there for others to stumble upon and gawk in awe. His bleach blond hair was ruffled by the light breeze and he was staring across the river with a focused gaze. His legs were dangled over the concrete, hovering high above the dark water below. He was dressed in a plain black shirt and a pair of denim jeans that made Robbe wonder if Sander had just gotten off work. As Robbe approached him, cautiously and nerves bouncing frantically in his gut, he accidentally kicked a bottle which made him jump more than it did Sander, who seemed unbothered.

The endearing smile that bloomed across Sander’s face did little to calm the mild heart attack that Robbe had given himself. “Hey,” Sander greeted. Robbe moved closer to him and sat down on the edge of the canal with him. Their legs brushed flush together and a small smile formed over Sander’s lips. “Sorry, I didn’t realize you were here or I would’ve met you.”

“It’s okay,” Robbe said, smiling at him. “I managed to find you all by myself.” Sander chuckled, smiling over at him with a sheepish smile on his face. “Did you just feel like star-gazing tonight?”

“Yeah,” Sander replied, shrugging his shoulders as he turned to Robbe. “Since I had the late shift and had to close up tonight, I thought I would come out and watch the stars a little before bed. Plus, if I went back to my apartment, it would be too quiet anyway. Noor’s in the Netherlands visiting family and, well—you know where Senne is.”

“How did you even find this place?” Robbe asked.

“In high school, I used to sneak out and roam the city,” Sander said, shyly. “When I wasn’t in a good place, it always brought me comfort. I would search the city for graffiti art and document it all. It’s how I found this place and over a dozen more coves of hidden artistic treasures around the city.” Sander smiled, returning his eyes back to the water. “But, this place has been my favorite. There’s not a lot of lights to block out the stars and it’s peaceful this time of night because not a lot of people live here.”

“Yeah,” Robbe said, barely a whisper. Sander glanced over at him and Robbe felt his cheeks flush in embarrassment for being caught staring. Even as a bright smile formed over Sander’s face, Robbe found himself unable to look as his cheeks flushed brighter. “It does seem quite peaceful here.”

Sander chuckled before turning back to the stars in front of him.

Unable to keep still, Robbe turned to take in their surrounding. He had been so focused on finding Sander that he hadn’t taken in their surroundings. In addition, he knew that if he didn’t keep his eyes off Sander, he would fall into the same daze of staring until he was caught again. Though, Robbe had a feeling that Sander didn’t mind him staring a little too long. In fact, he was certain that he enjoyed it.

The warehouse behind them was a simple warehouse with a large deep blue door. He had seen it many times before, of course, because his normal skatepark was on the other side of the river. But, the warehouse next to it, the one a little further back and hidden, was the one that caught his attention. For a second, he thought it was the trick of the light—or the shadows—but he realized there was something on the wall, harshly obscured due to the lack of light.

“What is that?” Robbe questioned.

Sander turned to him. “Huh?”

Unable to answer his question, Robbe rose to his feet. He moved away from Sander, who shuffled somewhere behind him. As he got closer to the building, he pulled his phone out and turned on his flashlight. Once the light was on and he reached the side of the building, he directed his phone toward it and gasped.

It was a mural.

In a large oblique circle located in the center of the brick wall, there was a depiction of a torrential ocean. The waves were large and massive, looking like they would crash into each other in a second’s notice. Above the ocean were deep gray clouds that poured heaps of rain onto the ocean below. The mural took up half of the building wall and Robbe couldn’t stop staring at it, shining his light over every piece of the mural, not wanting to miss a piece.

There was the shuffle of boots behind him, but Robbe didn’t have to look to know that Sander was right behind him. “Do you like it?” Sander asked.

There was something lingering in his voice that Robbe didn’t pinpoint. Pausing, Robbe turned to Sander, who was moving toward him with cautious steps and his hands buried deep in his pockets. He turned back to the mural in front of him, his eyes searching the dark blue paint and its torrential rain and overwhelming ocean waves. “I love it.”

“Really?” Sander questioned.

The artist was closer to Robbe now. He could feel the warm presence that Sander radiated just out of his reach. Robbe’s head spun out of control, twisting and churning like the depiction of the torrential downpour in front of him. Despite the fact that his heart might leap out of his chest if he talked, Robbe said, “Yes.”

Sander let out a breath before he said, “I’m happy to hear that you like it.” His breath brushed against the shell of Robbe’s ear and he shivered unexpectedly at the feeling of him so close. Sander’s tattooed arm appeared over his shoulder and his right hand grasped Robbe’s hand which held the phone. His hand was warmer, larger, and the warmth flooded through his body unexpectedly. Gently, Sander moved his hand so the phone’s light was shining directly below the mural.

In the center of the light beam, there was a prominent black lightning bolt, outlined with a thin line of white along its right side. On its left, there was an almost unintelligible S and a similar-looking D was on its right. A realization clicked in Robbe’s head as he stared at the tag. Sander dropped his hand from around Robbe’s, his thumb swiping across his knuckles, and Robbe felt a small smile tugging up the corners of his lips. “You painted this.”

“Yeah,” Sander said. “One night, a few months ago, I couldn’t sleep no matter how hard I tried so I snuck out and came here with a bag full of spray paint. I didn’t know what I was going to do, but I had found a ladder that someone left and I started working. Once sunlight hit and Senne realized I was gone, he found me high on the ladder with spray paint covering my hands and exhausted. When he asked me what it meant, I couldn’t explain. It was just how I felt.”

“I get that.”

Turning away from the mural, Robbe turned to Sander. But, he had underestimated how close the artist had gotten and the realization had knocked all of the wind out of his lungs. Sander was standing within reach, less than, with his hands buried deep in his pockets. His green eyes, which stood out from the dark shadows surrounding them, were focused solely on him and Robbe was positive that he looked like a gaping fish.

It felt like Wednesday all over again, green eyes searching brown ones, brown ones searching green ones, in the darkness of the night sky. But, this time, Robbe was the one who purposely dropped his gaze to Sander’s lips and the artist immediately let out a shaky breath. He glanced back up at Sander, who had a vulnerable but determined look in his eyes, as their eyes locked together again.

Then, Sander took a step closer.

With each agonizing second that Sander leaned closer, Robbe could feel his emotions churning in his stomach like the waves depicted on the wall behind him. They crashed against his skin in torrential waves, drowning him beneath their waves, and they collided in his skull like excited particles threatening to explode. His stomach was a fit of nerves and anticipation of what might come next—of what was coming next—of how much he wanted it to happen with every nerve and atom that existed in his body. Robbe tilted his head so their lips would easily slide together.

As their noses brushed together—as Robbe’s eyes fluttered close—as Sander’s warm hand cradled his jaw—as Robbe gripped onto his bicep, the waves shuttered to a stop and all the excited particles halted in midair, leaving only one thought in their wake as their lips grazed against each other: I want this.

If the wait was like drowning, the kiss itself was like breaking the surface of the water, the waves reducing around him and taking a gigantic breath of fresh air. Sander’s large, warm hands cradled his jaw. In Sander’s gentle, warm grip, Robbe felt like he was something precious. Sander’s lips pressed against his own, barely there, gentle and sweet. Robbe felt like his head was spinning, his senses filled with the smell of Sander’s intoxicating cologne. But, even with his senses full of the intoxicating smell, Robbe felt like it wasn’t enough—he wanted Sander even closer.

Sander pulled away, letting out a breath that ghosted across Robbe’s face, and he opened his eyes to look up at him.

A beautiful smile was on Sander’s face and it was directed at him. It was by far the widest that Robbe had ever seen him smile and it looked like it could’ve split Sander’s face into two separate pieces. It made him look like a piece of artwork or a moment snapped in time. And, it was absolutely infectious. Robbe’s own lips pulled up in a smile as he stared at him. Robbe’s cheeks ached and he knew that his dimples were likely out. But, no matter how much it hurt, Robbe didn’t want to stop smiling and he didn’t think that he was capable of doing so.

“Fuck,” Sander said. His thumbs dragged across his cheekbones, dipping a little at the dimples on the edges of his lips, before tracing the path all over again. One of his hands moved back into the hair at the nap of Robbe’s neck, holding him there, tugging at the strands of his hair. Then, he whispered, a confession for Robbe and Robbe only, “You’re so beautiful.”

“So are you,” Robbe whispered.

Robbe surged up toward him. He stood on his toes to kiss him again—to kiss him a third time—to kiss him as many times as Sander would want to. And, Sander was there, holding onto him tightly and ready to catch him, and met his kiss with eager force.

Their first kiss had been sweet and short. It was like they were testing the waters on it all, trying to see if it was something the other wanted. But, this kiss was hungry and desperate, like they couldn’t get close enough to satisfy their increasing desire. There wasn’t enough time in the world so Sander kissed him with everything that he had and Robbe tried to pull Sander closer and closer until there was no room in between them. Their lips moved in an uncoordinated fashion, half reacting to the other, as they tried to learn their lips. Robbe tried to mesmerize this moment with Sander’s fingers in his hair and Robbe clinging to the black fabric of his t-shirt desperately.

Sander’s kiss slowed a little, but not enough to separate their lips. Then, he moved, taking one step and the other, and Robbe tilted along with him, clinging desperately to his shoulders like a koala that was unable to let go. But, Robbe couldn’t help it and he didn’t think Sander minded. He did not want to separate from the softness of Sander’s lips or the eagerness of his kiss. Sander’s hand was tight on his hip, guiding him on where he wanted him to go, before Robbe felt his back press against the wall—the wall with the mural—before Sander’s kiss returned in full force.

Sander leaned further against Robbe, nearly putting all of his weight on him. His hands tugged on the strands of Robbe’s hair and kissed him harder and faster. Robbe let out a sigh and tried to match Sander’s overwhelming, intoxicating intensity. He arched into the kiss before wrapping one arm around Sander’s shoulder. He tugged Sander closer and he came willingly, stepping forward and crowding Robbe against the wall. Robbe dug his fingers into the blond strands of his hair and Sander sighed between their lips.

They broke the kiss, half panting into each other’s mouth, trying to regain their breath. They were quiet and still, simply holding onto each other and relishing in each other’s presence. Then, a giggle escaped from Robbe’s mouth and Sander let out a laugh before moving to close the distance again. Their lips slotted together like they never separated.

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zuucc · 4 years

Text

OLDER BROTHER: W. Nylander I FLUFF/SMUT

Words: 29K+

Summary: You’ve grown up with the Nylander’s. With your parents being friends and you being the same age as Alex, the two of you have been best friends for longer than you can remember - but somewhere during your early teenage years, his older brother started becoming more handsome and interesting, and less annoying older brother. And somewhere during your early teenage years you became more beautiful and grown up and charming, and less like Alex’s awkward best friend.

Warnings: Extreme cuteness?? cursing and smut + some alcohol

Warning #2: I spent 3 whole hours rereading/editing this... So grab a bottle of water and some snacks

Author’s note: Let’s just pretend that drafting and the Nylander bros leaving Sweden just isn’t a thing. And I am sorry for a lot of commas sometimes, I’m just a grammar bitch. (Also, the age of consent in Sweden, where the story is set, is, according to Wikipedia, 15. Just so you know ;)) AND I AM SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!! HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Masterlist tagged in bio.

July 2011

“Why are you blushing?” Alex asked, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows and curious eyes. You’d been playing in the pool, splashing each other and hitting each other with pool noodles, but now that William had decided to show up, 15 years old and in all his shirtless glory - your eyes and mind went somewhere else, just snapping out of it when Alex hit you over the head with a noodle.

“Why. Are. You. Blushing?” he asked again, once you finally turned your attention back at him. Your attention weren’t even all the way there, quickly being caught again as you observed his older brother climbing up the ladder on the side of the pool to do another dive into the water, hockey-made muscles moving in his back as he pulled himself up.

“I’m not blushing,” you said once you snapped out of it again, surely blushing even more. “Then why is your face suddenly red?” his eyebrows still furrowed, as he couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on with his best friend. “I don’t know, probably just sunburned,” you tried to find an excuse, Alex shrugging and rolling his eyes at you before hitting you with the noodle again.

You and Alex had always been honest with each other, but as you got older you’d learned that some things you couldn’t share with your best friend.. like period-stuff, and ‘suddenly developing a crush on his older brother’-stuff.

June 2012

“Why are you wearing that? It’s hot as hell,” Alex asked, looking at you standing by the pool from where he’s lounging on a floatie. Covering your body, you’ve got a huge t-shirt – stolen from your dad. It was the first heat of the summer, and a heatwave traveling over Europe had hit Sweden good. You had plenty of sundresses but they were all a little tight over your chest and thighs - and the thought of something clinging to your body in this heat literally made you want to vomit. “My bikini is too small,” you mumbled, looking down at your feet. “What? Stop mumbling,” Alex said, the sound of his little sisters running around with the water hose behind you completely drowning out your mumbling voice. “I said my bikini is too small,” you muttered, sitting down at pool’s edge to get your feet in the water. “Didn’t you buy a new bikini before we went to that indoors water park for my birthday?” he asked, splashing water over himself to cool down. “Yeah, and it is too small,” you muttered. “That’s like three months ago, there’s no way that’s too small,” he chuckled. “It’s not like you grew. I’m like 5 inches taller than you now,” he laughed.

“Jesus, Alex, it’s called puberty - I think you forget that she’s a girl,” William chimes in, smacking his little brother over the back of his head as he slides past on a floatie of his own. You’re cheeks flare up at the thought of William understanding that your problem is that you now have boobs and wider hips. But you’re also thankful of the fact that he said it, so you didn’t have to. “What? I know that she’s a girl, dumbass,” Alex whines at his brother.

“Boobs, Alex! Boobs and hips, and a goddamn ass that doesn’t fit in any of my jeans anymore – that, is my problem,” you whisper-yell at him, annoyed with his oblivious nature. “And yeah, it is called puberty - maybe you’ll experience it one day,” you added, making Alex scoff and Will laugh loudly. “Hey, like I just said, I’m 5 inches taller than you, that’s puberty for you right there,” he argued. “Your voice is still squeaky,” you teased, even if his voice definitely had become a lot deeper over the last year. “No, it’s not,” he argued more, obviously making his voice deeper than it really was. You chuckled as you made eye contact with Willy who was sneaking up behind Alex with a smirk on his lips, flipping his floatie over and sending Alex under the water with a high scream - a small voice crack following as a cherry on top. “Like I said, squeaky,” you said, smug smile on your lips, when Alex’s head came through the surface again, and you and Willy laughed together - and your heart felt like it grew three sizes in your chest, just from communicating with Willy. And a maybe little more from being the one who made him smile, who made him laugh. You really hoped it didn’t though, you couldn’t handle your chest getting any bigger now. “Will you just get in already? I don’t care if your bikini fits or not, just... come play with me,” his voice turns whiny again as he says the last part, and you finally decide to give in, standing up to take off your dad’s t-shirt. You felt uncomfortable but a little bit braver now that you had at least one of the Nylander brothers understanding of your problems. But as you let the t-shirt fall to the ground and you turned back to the pool to jump in - the understanding one of the Nylander brothers was also the one who’s stare lingered a little longer.

It was also him that decided to grab you and throw you into the pool while you were standing by the pools edge. And it was him that went to get popsicles and stared at you when he bent down to give it you where you were sat floating on a couple of pool noodles. And he was the one that smiled at you from across the table when Alex told everyone about you and Willy ganging up on him - his smile a little sweeter, his stare a little softer than usual. And your heart felt like it would bust through your chest. March 2013 You let out a long sigh as you got upstairs, finally slipping away from the crowd that had gathered in the Nylander’s home in honor of Camilla’s birthday party. You cursed to yourself as you reached behind you to try and adjust your bra that was digging into your side through your dress. “Wanna talk about it?” you hear a teasing but familiar voice behind you. William was stretched out on a sofa, or more like a loveseat, that stood against the wall on the second floor of the house. He smiled at you as you turned around and finally noticed him. You rolled your eyes at his comment, but approached as he moved the pillows that was stacked next to him, in order to make room for you. “What’s up?” he asks on a more serious note, when you settle in next to him. You’ve gotten more used to talking to him over the last six months, as he had started spending more time with you and Alex, but being this close to him - your thighs slightly touching, your shoulder leant against his bicep - still got your heart beating faster. “First of all, I hate adults,” you say, making him chuckle and follow up with a ‘why?’. “These friends of our moms, all up in my business like ‘Oh, you’ve grown up to be such a fine young woman’ and ‘oh the last time I saw you, you were as skinny as a toothpick - you look like a woman now, look at those curves, you look just like your mother when she was your age’,” you tell him, making weird voices as you impersonate your mom and Camilla’s friends. “And let’s not forget ‘the boys at school must be swooning over you! Alex must have his hands full fighting them off’, queue obnoxious laughter,” you rant, letting out all your frustrations as Willy shakes in laughter next you. “Like, stop commenting on my body, please. Isn’t there like an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t comment on a teenage girl’s body? Also, there are no boys swooning over me, and if there were, I sure as hell wouldn’t need Alex to fight anyone off,” you huff, letting out another deep breath now that you’ve gotten most of your frustrations out.

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s true though,” he says, eyeing you from the side as you roll your eyes again. “What? That Alex spends all our free periods fighting off all my swooning suitors?” He laughs again, and you think it might be your favorite sound in the entire world. You like it even more when you’re the one that caused it. “That you’re a woman now,” he says it like Hagrid tells Harry Potter that he’s a wizard. “Like you’ve changed a lot since this time last year, not that what they’re saying is okay, but I understand their reactions,” he said - and he says it in a nice way. And you feel like it’s a compliment but you’re not sure. Your heart starts beating extra fast, though, just in case. “I came up here to get a break,” you sigh dramatically, and he laughs again - softly.

“Also I’m sure there are boys swooning over you, Y/N,” he adds, turning his head to look at you. “Yeah, right,” you mumble, and he turns back again, smiling. “I said I’m sure,” he trails off, and you thought about how the only boy you wanted to be swooning over you was him. “And second of all?” he asks, after a while, snapping you out of your thoughts. “What?” you ask, not sure what he means. “You said ‘first of all’ before you started impersonating annoying middle aged women. There must be a ‘second of all’,” he explains, smiling when he sees you draw another deep breath. “Yeah, second of all, this bra is cutting into my sides and this whole fucking outfit is just uncomfortable as heck,” you told him, making him laugh again. “I look ridiculous, this dress is at least one size too small but I never wear dresses so I don’t really get new ones and my mom would not let me wear jeans so here we are,” you sighed, gesturing towards the dress that wasn’t really meant to be clinging to your torso but definitely did. William laughed again, glancing at you before he turned his stare forward again. “I think you look great,” he smiled, but it wasn’t really a compliment you could take. “I look ridiculous,” you corrected him. “You need to stop putting yourself down like that. I’m trying to compliment you, you know. These annoying middle aged women down here are right - you are beautiful - and you definitely don’t look ridiculous,” he tells you, genuinely. You don’t know what to say next. Trying to think of how to say thank you in a confident and grown up way and not in a ‘I have a humongous crush on you’ way, while simultaneously fighting off the blush creeping up your cheeks was hard. Before you can come up with a logical solution, one that wasn’t running off or digging a hole and disappearing into it, he starts talking again. “You know, when someone compliments you, it’s polite to say thank,” he turns towards you, “oh, you’re busy blushing,” he interrupts himself, laughing. “Stop,” you whine, bringing your hands up to cover your cheeks, only making him laugh more. “There you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” you suddenly hear Alex coming up the stairs, stopping at the top once he sees the two of you. “What the hell are you two doing?” he asks when he catches you in the act of trying to fight off William who’s holding your wrists as he tries to stop you from covering your blushing cheeks, your tights covered foot pressed against his bicep as you try to push him away while simultaneously leaning over the armrest to get away from him - both laughing. That night when you’re lying in bed, thinking of your talk with Willy, dreaming yourself away into some dream reality where the playful fight had ended in him pressing his lips to yours, instead of Alex interrupting and whisking you away - you get a message. It is late, way past midnight and even longer past your preferred bedtime, and you wonder who it might be. After all, Alex had fallen asleep while you watched a movie in the attic, barely getting himself up two flights of stairs to his bedroom when your parents came to tell you that you were leaving. Your lungs almost give out when you flip over your phone to see the nickname ‘willy’ on your screen. Having had his number saved in your phone ever since you first got one - because your mom and Camilla got you and Alex phones at the same time and thought it would smart for you to have it in case Alex did something stupid (i.e. hurting himself) and you couldn’t get a hold of them - but his number had never really been used much up until the last few months. Your mouth falls open when you struggle to get your phone unlocked, the fingerprint function of course not giving you the time of day, and you fuck up your code twice before you finally get it open and read the message - whereas your mouth shifts into a wide, giddy smile. “I like talking to you,”

December 2013/January 2014 New Year’s Eve dinner was always spent at home with just your family, and then around nine, your family and a couple of other families in your parents circle of friends would migrate over to the Nylander’s, where you would spend the rest of the night celebrating the new year. Unlike the last big party you attended at the Nylander house, you now had an outfit that you felt comfortable in. A pair of flowy, black pants that fit nicely over your hips and didn’t cut into your waist paired with a sparkly, dark grey, slightly see-through long sleeve that your mom had let you get if you promised to wear one of those cropped, black tank tops underneath - which wasn’t a compromise to you - it just meant that you could go without a bra. You felt more comfortable in your body too, finally getting used to how your wider hips made tight clothing look, and no longer feeling like the size of your chest was a burden. You felt good about how you looked tonight, having done your hair and everything. And even if it was nice to just feel good about yourself, you also hoped that one Nylander brother in particular would think that you looked good as well. Maybe even let his eyes linger on you a little bit longer, like he sometimes did. Along with your best friend and little Danielle, William greeted you and your family at the door. “You clean up nice,” Alex said nonchalantly, giving you a hug while simultaneously lifting your feet from the ground - something he’d gotten the habit of doing lately, only to show off the muscles he’d gained after he started going to the gym with Willy. His halfhearted compliment made you roll your eyes. “Wish I could say the same about you,” you joked, making him loosen his hold on you so that you quickly fell to your feet. While you and Alex had your moment, or whatever you would call it, your mom and dad had moved past you and into the living room. “Hey,” William smiled at you once you got back your balance and moved past Alex. It was that sweet smile, the one that reached all the way to his eyes - the one that it seemed he had reserved for you (and sometimes Danielle, as she was the one out of all his sisters that he had deemed the least annoying). “Hi,” you smiled back, stepping closer as he pulled you into a tight hug. “You look really great tonight,” he told you as you were still hugging. “Just tonight?” you asked, turning it into a joke a whole lot easier than actually taking a compliment for once, adding a hand to your chest for dramatic effect. “Oh, every day,” William smirked, taking your coat from you and hanging it up as you took it off. Alex rolled his eyes and walked past you, muttering something about getting snacks. “You still haven’t learned to take a compliment, huh?” he chuckled, putting his hands on your shoulders and pushing you in front of him into the living room. “Uhm, no, compliments make me awkward and you know it,” you mutter, pushing back against him - dreading the small crowd in their living room. You plant your feet to the ground, not taking another step - not letting him push you any further - when you get to the end of the hallway. “I know. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll stop complimenting you,” he says, stepping into you, his chest ending up slightly pressed into your back now that you suddenly stopped, his hands falling to the sides of your upper arms. You can sense his head next to yours as he leans down, and your cheeks starts feeling a little bit warm at the close proximity of your faces. “Thank you,” you whisper, knowing that he wants you take the compliment - he always does. “What was that?” he asked, teasing you. “Thank you,” you repeated yourself, louder this time. “There you go,” he smiled, and before you could do or say anything else, you sensed eyes on you. You looked away from William to see your mom’s friend, Karen, looking at the two of you. You didn’t know how long she’d been staring but you knew you didn’t want to give the circle’s main gossip girl more to talk about, envisioning her telling everyone how ‘Y/N has heart eyes for the oldest Nylander brother’, so you took Alex’s route of muttering something about snacks and running off to find him. You made the hours before midnight go by, by playing games with the other kids your age in the basement. William coming by every now and then, joining you for a game or two. The couch was full and you had taken the only chair for yourself, but instead of sitting on the floor, like three others, Willy simply desired to share your chair. “Hey, I was comfortable,” you whined, as he pushed you forward and dumped down behind you, resting his thighs and his side on the armrests, his long legs and one of his arms hanging over the chairs edges. Even if having him this close made your heart beat faster and your smile a little harder to hide, you were now a little bit uncomfortable, sitting at the edge of the seat. “Well, make yourself comfortable again,” he said, like it was the easiest thing ever. You could see how it could be comfortable, but that meant a lot of bodily contact between the two of you - something that took a little more bravery than you were feeling right now with all of these people around - and Alex who was rolling his eyes out of his head on the other side of the table. Sensing your lack of bravery, or uncomfortableness, or maybe both, William slides his free arm around your waist and pulls you closer, letting you rest back against his thighs, your arm coming up to rest on his hip. Your eyes meet and he looks up at you as if to ask ‘comfortable now?’ and you nod, a smile tugging at your lips. Not long after, Camilla comes down to tell you all that midnight and 2014 are only 15 minutes away. And while you dread having to pull away from the comfortable heat of his body, everyone put down their cards and scrambled up the stairs to put on the many layers that the Swedish winter required. “Are you gonna get up?” William chuckles, and you snap out of your thoughts. A blush rises to your cheeks but you still manage to give him a relaxed answer - one that doesn’t say ‘I never not want your body pressed to mine ever again’ but confidently “I was finally comfortable again,” at which he laughs and pushes you back to the edge of the seat, placing his hands on your shoulders again like he’d done when you first arrived. Out in the street, where the entire neighborhood and their guests gathered to watch the fireworks and celebrate the new year, you found yourself standing between Alex and William. William’s arm came around your shoulders, as if to warm you, even if you haven’t really shown any signs of being cold. But then again, you definitely didn’t mind.

The entire street counted down the last ten seconds before the new year in unison and you found yourself engulfed in the sound as a feeling of thankfulness for your friends and family washed over you. As 2013 came to an end and fireworks appeared in the night sky over you, you were pulled against William’s front, his glove covered hand coming up to your face as he pressed his lips to yours in a swift new year’s kiss. And it all happened so fast that you barely even realized it before it was over and you were whisked away and hugged by Alex and your mom, and your dad, and Camilla. Everyone. ‘Happy New Year’ whispered and shouted everywhere around you. Until William is back at your side, pulling you into a hug, whispering “Happy New Year” into your ear as if he hadn’t just kissed you a few minutes prior. As you got home around an hour and a half later, after having spent the last hour at the Nylander house half asleep on Alex’s shoulder, your brain fogged over with thoughts of what had happened. You’d been so tired but now your mind was running all over the place, and there was no way you were going to fall asleep within the first hour. You relived the moment about a hundred times, to the best of your memory. And you wished, you wished that you’d been prepared, that you knew what had made him do it - wished that he would have done it again. You wished that he hadn’t gone out with his friends after, so that maybe, just maybe he would’ve said something. Around 4 AM it feels like you might finally be falling asleep, but the sound of your phone buzzing once, then twice, makes you get up to at least push the ‘do not disturb’ button. But when you see his name on your screen you’re suddenly awake again, opening the messages immediately. “I really wanted a new year’s kiss,” “I hope you’re not mad at me❤️” And your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest again. You had no fucking idea what was behind the words ‘I really wanted a new year’s kiss’ but it would just have to do. And you were definitely not mad at him. “I’m not mad at you❤️” you texted him back, holding your phone to your chest as you waited for his reply, if there was one. A few seconds later it vibrates in your hands and you scramble to get it unlocked. “Why are you still awake?” he asks, and in a moment of bravery you text “Just been thinking a lot,” back. The dots that indicate typing appear immediately. “What’s got you thinking so much that you can’t sleep?” he asks, and you wonder if he just wants to hear you say it or if he’s actually oblivious. “You,” you answer, straight forward. Deciding right then and there that you were going to be honest this year. “Me? Why?”

“Because you kissed me,” you sent back, almost hyperventilating while you looked at the dots as they moved. The dots stopped and appeared again three times before the message came through.

“❤️❤️❤️”

March 2014 You smile awkwardly as a few guys from Alex’s hockey team shouts your name and lifts their red solo cups in the air as if to greet you. You lift your own, making sure to not let them see that there was actually water in yours, having decided that you should slow down on the alcohol that you definitely weren’t allowed to drink considering the fact that: 1. you were going home to your parents at some point during the night

2. Alex was already well on the way to not remembering his 16th birthday, and it was only 11 o’clock You find your way back to the living room, that apparently had doubled its population in the time that you’d spent using the toilet and getting yourself some water. You sigh as you stand looking for the few people in the crowd that you actually wanted to spend time with. You spotted Alex next to his friend Linus, both noticeably intoxicated and trying to pick up some girls you’d never even seen before. The party had clearly escalated quickly. Rolling your eyes, you moved on.

Your eyes quickly find Willy in the crowd, who’s got his hand in the air waving at you to come over to him. He’s sat in the middle of the sofa talking to a few friends that frequently attended the same friends and family events that your family and the Nylanders did. There was no space next to him or your friends - one of them even sitting on the table to be able to listen to the conversation over the loud music - but William got up from his seat and reached out a long arm for you to take and use as support as you climbed over legs and hands holding drinks. You eyed the table, sticky from overflown cups of beer and vodka mixed with god knows what, not really wanting to touch it... at all. “Here, you can sit in my lap,” William says sweetly, and before you can even process what he’d said, his hands are on your hips and he’s pulling you down to sit on one of thighs. One of his hands stay on your hip, while the other comes to rest on your knee. “You good?” he asks you, the conversation with your shared friends put on hold as he devotes his attention to you completely. You smile and nod, letting the arm closest to him rest over his shoulders. “I hope that’s water and not plain vodka,” he chuckles, nodding towards the cup in your hand. You laugh lightly at his comment. “You know, I was kinda feeling it, but then I saw him and thought ‘mm better not’,” you motioned to his little brother who’d now moved on to sloppy dancing with, not one of the unknown girls, but with Linus. William laughed at that, but nodded to show his understanding of your situation. “Yeah, I’ve been drinking coke. Mom was very clear when she said that I had to be responsible tonight,” he told you, before filling you in on the conversation he’d had with your friends. The conversation was soon interrupted, as Alex screamed across the room - the alcohol killing the already thin filter that he usually had. “You, you two, my brother and my best friend, can you please stop flirting? It’s fucking disgusting,” he shouts, as everyone turns their attention to you, his best friend, sitting on his older brother’s lap with his hands wrapped around you. Your brain works quick, making up sarcastic answers for everything had been like a coping mechanism for you over the last few years. “It’s not our fault you invited so many people that there’s no more places to sit,” you shout back at him, and he rolls his eyes. William laughs behind you, and at that, alcohol gets the best of Alex and he seems to get angry. “And- and you, you’ve been trying to steal my best friend from me f-for years,” he says, aggressively. To which the older brother role that William rarely has used over the last three years, seeing as the two year age gap between them hasn’t been very prominent, comes into light. “One more fucking word from you and I’m locking you in your room and ending this party,” he says, his voice strict and it’s shockingly enough make the drunk Alex shut up and go back to whatever he’d been doing before he noticed you. The conversation goes on but you find yourself falling out of it, Alex’s words clouding your mind and leaving you with a bad feeling in your chest. You hated that he was mad at you, even in the state that he was in. His state just made you think that it was the truth finally coming out. He’d been rolling his eyes at you and Willy for years and now you knew why. “Hey, are you alright?” Willy asks after your friends left - they lived further away and had been picked up by a parent. “Uh, yeah,” you answered when you were snapped out of your thoughts. He smiled a knowing smile that told you that he knew that you weren’t really okay. “Let’s go somewhere else,” he said and helped you to your feet with his hands on your hips, keeping his hands there as you make way on the narrow path between the couch and the table - climbing over the legs of everyone still sat there. He leads you to the staircase, and you stop to see if Alex is fine before you go up. He’s sitting with some teammates and not lying face down somewhere, like you feared. And he doesn’t see you go upstairs with Willy, either, so you decide that it’s safe. William leads you to the loveseat in the second floor’s hallway, where you’d found escape on so many parties at the Nylander’s before. You both sit down, but he takes hold of your legs and pulls them into his lap. “You have barely said a word since Alex’s screaming,” he said, placing a hand on your leg. “Yeah, I guess it just left me with a bad feeling,” you told him, looking out into the room instead of at him. “You know, he won’t remember it tomorrow,” he tried to calm you. “But I will,” you glanced at him before continuing. “And I know he’s drunk and not in his right mind, but I can’t keep from thinking that he’s just saying what he actually means,” you told him, and he reaches out to take your hand in his, keeping you from fidgeting and picking on your jeans. “I know he’s been rolling his eyes at us for years, but I don’t think he actually means what he said. I don’t think he meant what he said about me trying to steal you away from him. I’m not, I would be a really sucky big brother if I did that - it’s just that I like spending time with you, too, and we have never been together without him being there, it’s him that goes off doing something else - and if he means that I can’t talk to you just because he isn’t, then he’s just being an asshole,” he squeezes your hand. You guess he’s right and you’re finally able to swallow the bad feeling. “Uhm, hey, Alex can barely stand by himself, so,” a girl from your school interrupted yours and Willy’s moment - seeming very awkward for having done so. “I guess it’s time to end this party,” William says, letting go of your hand and clapping his own two together. You get up and thank the girl for coming to get you, before you go down stairs to find Alex mumbling about God knows what. “Do you think you can deal with him while I get everyone out of here?” William asks you, placing a hand on your arm when he talks to you. You nod, and he smiles. “I’ll come help you as soon as I get this cleared,” he says, motioning to the living room that still had quite a few people in it, even if some had left already. “Heyyy,” Alex smiles when he sees you this time. If he’s already forgotten about the situation earlier or if he’s just happy to see you without his older brother by your side, you don’t know. “Hi,” you smile, “how are you feeling?” you ask him, taking his hand and helping him to his feet. “Uhm, not great, but not terrible either,” he tells you, making you shake your head laughing. You position yourself under his arm, so that he can lean on you. “Let’s get you to bed, then,” you tell him, starting towards the stairs again. “B-but, I’m having a party,” he whines, and you laugh again. “The party is over, Alex, everyone’s going home,” you explained to him, and he eventually decides to at least try to walk up the stairs. “Wait, where were you? I was looking for you,” he asks you, somewhere on the way up the stairs, his weight leaning on you so much that you could barely talk. “I was upstairs,” you tell him through your labored breath, and he asks you what you were doing upstairs when the party was downstairs. “Just talking,” you tell him, deciding that it was probably best to not say with who. But of course, the next question from your nosy best friend is just that. But before you can come up with a clever answer, he’s already guessed it. “Willy, probably. Right?” You nod, and he doesn’t say anything else before you get him to his room and onto his bed. “Why do you hang out with Willy so much?” he asks you, sitting on his bed and desperately trying to open the buttons on his not so clean, spilled upon, light blue button up - but failing. “Because he’s my friend and I like him, Alex. But I spend a lot more time with you, so don’t you be worried,” he rolls his eyes at you again, but there’s a small smile tugging on his lips. “But tonight’s my birthday party and you only hung out with him,” he says, small traces of ‘whiny 4 year old’ in his voice. “I did spend time with you. You even got me a little tipsy! But then you got ridiculously drunk and only wanted to talk to girls - girls that aren’t me - so I decided to hang out with Willy, Elias and Charlotte instead,” you explained and he seemed to take it, smiling when you finally took over the unbuttoning of his shirt. “But what were you doing upstairs talking with Willy? Where you just talking?” he tries to sound like he’s a protective older brother, but he’s failing. “We were just talking, Alex. What else would we be doing?” you chuckle, as you finally get the last button open and help him pull it off. “I don’t know, unholy stuff?” he says, unable to fight off the smile tugging at his lips. You throw your head back laughing at your ridiculous best friend, deciding to not answer his accusations you push him down onto his back and pull the duvet over him. “Stay here, I’m gonna get you a bottle of water and a bucket - just in case,” you tell him and he nods. When you come down the stairs, the house is just about empty, except from Willy, who’s tying Alex’s just as drunk friend, Linus’ shoes. “I called his mum, just gonna wait here with him until she gets here and I’ll be right up,” he tells you from the hallway, when he hears you coming down. “Yeah, we’re good, I’m just gonna get him a bottle of water and a bucket... I doubt that he’s gonna feel well tomorrow,” you inform him before going into the kitchen. When you come back up, Alex has managed to kick off his jeans, and you’re thankful that you didn’t have to help him with that. His eyes are barely open. “Here, please drink a little bit before you fall asleep,” you give him the bottle and he grunts but does as he’s told. “I’m sorry that I got mad at you and Willy,” he mumbled between gulps of water. You smile, telling him that it’s okay. You put the bottle on his nightstand and he lays back. You’re about to leave when he grabs your arm. “I think Willy is in love with you, and-and I think you’re in love with him, too,” he says, his words completely freezing you in your spot. “I just don’t want you to forget about me,” he says, half asleep - and his words pull you out of your trance. You bend down, pulling his sleepy form into a hug. “I’ll never forget about you, Alex. Never. I love you,” you tell him, kissing his temple before letting go of him. “I love you, too,” he says, his words barely coherent. You turn around, finally leaving the room and you almost scream when you see the brother in question standing in the doorway. He chuckles at your reaction, and moves backwards into the hallway of the second floor to let you exit Alex’s bedroom. “Jesus, how long have you been standing there?” you ask him, your hand still clutched to your chest. He shrugs, smiling, and your hearts starts beating faster at the thought of him hearing what Alex said to you. But the sight of the living room with the lights on, snaps you out of your thoughts and the small panic building in your chest. “Where are the trash bags?” you sigh, turning to look at Willy who’s behind you. He sighs as well and leaves you to find said trash bags. The next hour is spent picking up trash and cleaning up - Willy following you around with the bags while you pick up the trash. There are no words exchanged, but you work together in comfortable silence. He cleans the floors, while you wipe the tables and kitchen benches. “Don’t you have a curfew?” William asks you when you’re finally done - the digits on your phone telling you that you’re already past 3 AM. “Uhm, usually, but not tonight, no,” you told him. Your parents had decided that since it was Alex’s birthday party and at the Nylander’s house, you could stay till the party was over. Considering that you were basically a host - that seemed fair. And besides, Alex had promised your mom that he would follow you home... Before you could even tell Willy about his little brother’s broken promise, he was already offering. “I’ll follow you home. I won’t let you walk home alone in the middle of the night,” he says, the smile on his mouth tells you that he wasn’t just doing it because he felt like he had to, but because he wanted to. You nodded, not even bothering to try and fight him on the matter - also, you wanted him to. You put on your outerwear and shoes, yourself bundling up in a scarf as March in Sweden still could be considered winter. “That’s cute,” Willy smiles, his hand coming up to pull the big scarf even further up around your cheeks and ears - and you already feel warmer because of his little comment. You walk out in the cold night, you a few feet ahead of him as he locks the door behind him. “Hey, slow down,” he whispers as he catches up to you. “Slow down? It’s freezing cold,” you smile behind your huge scarf, and he nods. “With this tempo, you’ll be home in just 5 minutes,” he informs you, and you chuckle at his dramatics. It would take you 8 minutes, at least. “Isn’t that a good thing?” you ask him, your smile turning into a smirk. He shrugs again, just like he had when you’d asked him how long he’d been standing in Alex’s doorway about an hour earlier. “I don’t know, it’s just that it means less time with you - like I said earlier - we never spend time together just me and you,” he spoke bravely. You just smiled at his statement, nodding when he looked at you for some kind of conformation. “Uhm, this is going to sound weird but... Which one of your hands are the coldest?” he asks, and you laugh as a reaction to his question. “I don’t know, this one maybe?” you grin, holding up your right hand. He nods and moves to your right side, taking your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. You roll your eyes at him, even if you know very well that he’s the only reason that there’s warmth spreading in your body. “What?” he asks, and you just shake your head, a wide smile spreads on your rosy cheeks (if they were rosy because of the cold or because of his hand in yours - you would never know). “I just thought that it was a nice bridge into holding your hand,” he tells you, and you laugh out loud this time - forgetting that you’re walking through a suburban area in the middle of the night, both you and William bursting out into giggles when you see the light come on in one of the windows. “You have to be quiet,” he whispers, leaning in close like there’s any chance that they could hear you at that volume. “If I have to be quiet then you have to stop saying stupid shit like that,” you argue. “Stupid shit like what?” he asks, his free hand held up to his chest dramatically. “Stupid shit like asking me which of my hands is colder just so you can hold my hand,” you chuckle, your brain starting to see the red lines between this sudden hand holding and Alex’s words earlier. “Stupid shit like pretending that you didn’t hear the whole conversation between me and Alex when you obviously did,” you whisper in a moment of bravery, swallowing hard once the words are out and your heart starts beating in a million miles an hour. He looks down for a second, before turning to look at you - stopping right there in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night. “If what Alex said isn’t true, William - you have to stop doing all these things. I try to seem cool and nonchalant about it all, like you holding my hand or letting me sit in your lap doesn’t make my heart feel like it’s gonna beat itself out of my fucking chest,” you start, letting go of his hand and continue on the journey toward your house - knowing that he would follow you regardless of his feelings towards you. “So if you’re not feeling that, you-you can’t.. I mean, you fucking kissed me on New Year’s Eve and I haven’t stopped replaying it in my mind ever since,” the panic building in your chest starts messing up your words, but you’re interrupted before you can say anything else. “Y/N,” he grabs your hand again, his fingers intertwining with yours without you even having to think about it - it’s just meant to be like that. “I kissed you on New Year’s Eve because I really wanted to kiss you, and I thought that if someone saw or if you didn’t like it, I could just ‘it was a New Year’s kiss and you were the closest girl, sorry’. And there wasn’t a space for you to sit, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want you to sit in my lap. I wanted you close to me. And every other situation where I could have sat down somewhere else, could have done something else, I just always end up next to you in some kind of way because I can’t fucking stay away from you,” he explains, his voice is soft and slow. “You know, I wish that I could say that you’re like another little sister to me,” he says, and you look up, meeting his eyes. “But you’re not,” his last words come out as whispers, and he lets go of your hand only to put his hands on your waist and pull you into him. You stand with your bodies pressed together, your faces inches apart for a minute, his eyes flicking between your eyes and your lips. Until he leans in closer, not all the way, but enough to press his forehead against yours and your eyes fall closed. Just a little push up on your toes and your lips would be on his - you just had to find the courage. Your arms rest upon his, your fingers curling around his upper arms. He jerks forward a little bit, his nose side by side with yours and it’s the last little kick you needed to push up on your toes and plant your lips to his in a kiss. One of his arms curls around your waist, pulling you even closer, while his other hand comes up to the side of your face, making its way in between your thick scarf and your skin to hold you to him. Your own hands creep upwards and end up on the back of his neck, your fingers inching their way underneath his beanie and into his hair. His lips move away from yours for just a second, your lips following his like a magnet, before he comes back in with a deeper kiss - his hand sliding back, into your hair. You feel so warm with his hands around you and his lips moving against your lips, the cold air around you long forgotten. At this point you could’ve worn a summer dress and you wouldn’t have been cold. When you eventually pull away, you are both out of breath. Willy pulls you back in immediately, but in a hug this time, and you both laugh softly - happily. Letting go of his embrace of you, he kisses your cheek once and then your lips once, then twice. “I think we’ve been standing here for like 5 minutes or something,” you giggle, looking around you at the houses around you, only lit up by their porch lights. “Could stand here all night,” he says, his smile just as cheesy as his statement. You roll your eyes at him, but you don’t bother even trying to conceal your smile as you take his hand and pull him with you down the street, only a few minutes from your house. “What? Are you trying to get away from me or something?” he chuckles at your new pace. “I’m dragging you along with me, aren’t I?” you laugh, stopping and turning around to face him - your arms go up to slide around his neck and you pull him down to kiss him again. His own arms circle your waist and after the fourth or fifth kiss - you’re not really sure - he tightens his hold on you and lifts you up. He starts walking and only when you’re a few feet from your driveway, he lets you back down. “Uhm, thanks for the ride?” you joke, making him laugh - but you quickly put your hand over his mouth, suddenly remembering that your parents are asleep - or worse, your mom is awake waiting for you, not being able to sleep until she knows you’re home. You stop on your front porch, dreading saying goodbye. You get up on your toes, your arms sliding back around his neck in a hug, his arms come around you and he pulls you into him. “Mm, now I don’t wanna leave you,” he mumbles into your hair, and warmth spreads through your body. “Mm, I’ll probably come over tomorrow,” you tell him, and you can feel him nodding. “But it won’t be just you and I, then,” he says, pulling back from the hug only to press his lips to yours in a deep kiss. His hand come up to your face, and his lips moves against yours. “We won’t get to do this,” he whispers between kisses, and you hum against his lips. You pull away from each other quickly when you hear the lock turn and the door start to open behind you, your mother appearing behind it. “Oh, hi, William,” she says when she sees him instead of his little brother. “What happened to Alex?” she asks, and you’re preparing to come up with a lie about him staying home and cleaning up or something, but William just straight up tells her the truth. “But we were both very responsible and put him to bed and cleaned up and everything,” he says, and your mom chuckles. “And of course, I didn’t let her go home alone at this hour,” he adds, making your mom’s fondness of the oldest Nylander brother grow even greater. “I am very grateful, William, thank you,” she smiles at him before turning to you. “Are you going to come inside or are you just going to stand out in the cold all night?” she asks, making you laugh. “I was going to come inside, but then you came out and Willy here just had to play this game I like to call ‘how much can I charm Mrs. Y/L/N today?’” you said, making them both laugh, your mom with an embarrassed undertone. “Yeah, yeah, come on in now, it’s nearly 4AM,” she smiles, saying goodbye to Will before leaving – the door still open. You watch as she starts on the stairs up to the second floor, and you quickly hide behind the door, stepping up on your toes to plant one last kiss, or two, on his lips. “Good night,” you smile, and he kisses you one more time before he says the words back to you. “Uhm, text me when you get back. You know, 17 year old boys can be kidnapped, too,” you say, making him throw his head back laughing, potentially waking the neighbors. “Yeah, thank you, now I have to run home,” he chuckles before walking backwards down your driveway, looking at you looking at him, your head sticking out from behind the door – smiling.

March 2014 After coming home and going to bed only minutes before the clock struck 4AM and talking to Willy on the phone until he got back – and then reliving every kiss and every touch between you and Willy until you fell asleep – it was safe to say that you slept in. The numbers on your phone had inched their way past 2PM before you hauled your ass back over to the Nylander house, after having received snapchats from both the brothers – and their mom. You’d woken to a snapchat from Willy who’d woken up and thought that he had dreamt all of last night’s events until he saw the evidence in his phone – a screenshotted snapchat from a friend with you on his lap, and the phone call of 13 minutes at 4AM. Next came the snaps of an hungover Alex, and then the snapchats from Camilla who admired how exceptionally clean her house was after the work you and Willy had done after the party. Camilla grabs you the second you come through the door, kissing your cheek. “You’re a saint, honey,” she exclaims and you laugh. “You can’t give me all the credit,” you chuckle. “I know, I know, I already made sure he knows how thankful I am – he doesn’t let me kiss his cheek anymore, though,” she laughs before letting go of you and pointing you towards the basement where you could find both her sons. “Alex, Y/N is here,” she screams and you start toward the open door leading to the stairs. William meets you halfway down the stairs, only stopping on the step beneath the one you stopped on, his face only inches from yours, his lips in just the right height. “He’s barely awake,” he whispers, quickly glancing behind you before pressing his lips to yours in a short but soft kiss, bringing all the warmth and feelings from last night right back to you. You pull back with a smile, your arms circling around his waist as you step past him, kissing him one more time before you continue down the stairs and Willy up the stairs. “Hey, you sappy piece of shit,” you shout at your best friend before dumping your ass down on the end of the couch. He groans, not even wanting to know why you called him sappy.

April 2014 “Mom and dad are going to bed right now, give me a few minutes,” you text William, who’s standing in your backyard. You wait until you hear both of them go into their room, and then a minute or two more, just in case one of them forgot something, before opening the door in your basement that lead up into the backyard, where Willy was standing. His lips turn up into a smile when he sees you, quickly stepping inside to avoid the cold that still comes around at night during April in Sweden. “Hey,” he whispers as he steps right up into your personal space – personal space that you didn’t mind sharing with him. “Hi,” you whisper back, pushing up on your tippy toes to peck his lips, before walking past him and into your bedroom. You had moved bedrooms a few years ago, from the second floor to the basement where you could have more privacy and more space. You were especially thankful for the extra privacy now. His hands sneak around your waist at the end of the hallway to your bedroom, his jacket and shoes left at the door, and he presses a kiss to your neck that’s so conveniently exposed because of the high bun you’d tied your hair into. You stop with your hand on the doorknob, letting him leave another kiss or two on your neck before you open the door to your low lit, cozy bedroom. You both fall into your bed, your head resting on his bicep while his hand plays with yours. The conversation between the two of you flows freely and easily, the question of Netflix and which movie to put on before you eventually end up with your tongues in each other’s mouths not needed. He asks about your day and you ask him about his, and then he tells you the story of how he managed to sneak out the front door without no one noticing with added dramatics, just how you like it – and you both laugh softly. You launch into a full review (with spoilers) of this book you just finished, and he listens carefully as you tell him about the characters and the little plot twists. He doesn’t really care for romantic novels with feminist undertones, or novels at all, but he still listens, hums and asks questions because he just likes to listen to you talk and get riled up about fiction. He sits up slightly, leaning on his elbow as he listens to you ramble on – his finger moving to an inch of exposed skin between the hem of your t-shirt and the waistband of your sleeping shorts, tracing soft, little circles. He smiles when you finally tell him about the book’s ending and your reactions to it – how you’d thrown it across the room, too angry to even cry about it – and he chuckles, mumbling about how cute that must’ve looked. His hand flattens on your stomach, his entire hand underneath your shirt, and your hand covers his - to the extent that your considerably smaller hand could. Your hand creeps up his arm before slowly returning back down to his hand. He smiles sweetly, leaning down and leaving a kiss on your lips – a kiss so full of love that it warms your entire body. Your hand slides back up his arm again, fingers circling around his bicep as a way of saying that you want him to keep kissing you. You can feel him smiling against your lips, leaving a few shorter pecks before a longer one, and then a deeper one. He lays down on his side, the arm you’re resting on embracing you, his hand landing on your shoulder and he pulls you into him. Your own hand takes a stride from his arm to his neck, fingers dipping into his thick, blonde locks. As the kiss deepens, his tongue sliding along your lip, his hand on your stomach slides to your hip, pulling your body close to his. The feeling washes over you fast – and it’s not the kind of feeling that easily washes away again. It’s not like the feeling of warmth when he first kissed you, but heat, unbearable heat. Your hand leaves his neck after having had your fingers fisted in his hair, moving to the hem of his sweater instead, your fingers slipping underneath, all the way until your hand is flat on his back, feeling his back muscles work when he shifts against you. You hum against his lip, your hand slipping to his front and feeling his abs and his chest underneath your fingers instead, the need to just feel all of him underneath the tips of your fingers just not stopping. He pushes you up and even closer with the hand underneath you, his lips moving to your neck and making you gasp softly. You wanted his hands all over you, wanted to feel him feeling you – yet his hands stayed on your back and on your hips. You pushed against him, granting yourself a groan against your neck. A thought struck you… Maybe he didn’t dare touch you anywhere else, scared that it wasn’t something you wanted. After all, with the situation being what it is, your alone time with William had been limited, meaning that you hadn’t had much time to explore each other. You decided to try something new, putting insecurities behind you and pushing him to his back and climbing on top of him to straddle him. His arms immediately wrap around you, but not for the reasons you first thought. Before you can put your weight down on him, he’s pulling you back to your previous spot next to him. “No, no,” he swallows, “you can’t do that,” his last words comes out, his hands retrieving from being wrapped around you to rest on your hip instead. You didn’t know why but it felt like he was keeping you at a distance. “Why?” you ask, your voice a lot weaker than you’d meant for it to be. His eyes shoots open in realization and his hand comes up to the side of your arm, before it quickly moves on to cup your cheek. “No, no, it’s not you, it’s me… uhm, it’s not your fault, or it kinda is your fault but really it’s mine, it’s,” he mumbles, his sudden nerves taking over his ability to form coherent sentences. “You’re not making sense, Willy,” you say, curling your hand around his wrist as his hand is still placed on your cheek. He takes a deep breath before he leans forward, kissing your lips before moving his lips to your forehead and pulling you into him, his arms wrapping around you. “It’s just that you, you mean a lot to me, and I just, I like you so much, and I’m trying really hard to not make you uncomfortable,” he pauses, taking another deep breath. “Because you, you really… you turn me on, like a lot and very easily, and I’m just trying to not make you feel uncomfortable and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything that you don’t want to, and I just really want you to feel safe and… comfortable with me,” he finishes, and you wrap your arm around his torso and press your lips to his chest. “There’s no one I feel more safe and comfortable with than you, okay? And I… is this why you don’t touch me?” you ask, the realization hitting you. “I mean, I-I touch you,” he says, trying to avoid where this question was going. “Will, you touch my waist, and my hips, and just, really it’s just places that are so appropriate that you could touch me there while my dad was present,” you say, making him laugh – and you’re glad, because even if it wasn’t your intention, it seemed to loosen him up a bit. “I guess, yeah,” he sighs, “just scared that you won’t like it and that you’ll push me away, and you know, it doesn’t really help my case,” his lips turn up at the last part, and so do yours as well. You pull yourself closer to him and press your lips to his in a deep kiss, and another one following after. “You know, you turn me on, too,” you say, heat rushing to your cheeks, but you smile as you see the blush creeping up his own cheeks. “And even if I don’t feel ready for all that, yet, I still feel really safe and comfortable with you and I really don’t mind that , uhm, that, that you’re turned on as well, because I know that you won’t pressure me, and I really wouldn’t mind if you touched me more,” you tell him, both of you having shy smiles on your lips. “Okay,” he nodded, trying hard to keep his smile from turning into a full blown grin. You stared at each other until your smiles became manageable again, and one of you leaned in to kiss the other again. Only a few kisses before his hand came up to the side of your face and the kiss was deepened, and you fell back into it. Bodies pushing against each other and tongues fighting for dominance. His hand is fisting your hair and you gasp against his lips when his hips roll into yours a little harder than he’d planned and you felt him hard against you for the first time – except for that one time where you’d had your feet in his lap under the blanket during movie night with an unknowing Alex on the other side of the coffee table, and you’d accidentally brushed against his accidental boner with your foot. Will pulled away slightly, and you could tell that he was a little panicky over the fact that you’d felt his obvious arousal against your body. “Don’t, don’t stop,” you whispered, pressing your lips back on his, and his arms tighten around your waist again, holding you to him. The feeling of his hardness against you had sent a wave of need trough your body, stopping between your legs. Your hand found his on your back and wrapped around his wrist, and you, with very little force, guided his hand further down until he found his way to your behind and he pressed you against him. You both moaned into the kiss and his hand slid down your thigh to the back of your knee to pull your leg over his hip, his thigh immediately pushing between yours. And it felt so good that you could barely concentrate on kissing him, and you only wanted more. You used your arm to push yourself on top of him, back to the position you’d tried before your previous conversation started. You started kissing down his neck, while your hands found their way underneath the hem of his shirt, feeling his muscles under your fingers. His own hands roamed your sides, from your thighs to your hips, from your waist to the point where his fingers slightly brushed over the side of your boobs. The action had your hips pushing down onto his, his hardness perfectly positioned under you and pressing into you were you ached the most. “Fuck,” he breathed, pushing his body up into a sitting position. He pressed his lips to yours in an openmouthed kiss, his hands on your bare waist after your t-shirt had bunched up. When you push your fingers into his hair, one of his hands come up to fondle your breast that’s only covered by a thin bralette. You moan into his mouth again, and faster than you can realize what’s happening, you’re flipped around and he’s over you. His hips rolling into yours and his lips finding your jaw, resulting in a moan that’s a little too loud for your liking. Your hand travel down his chest and abs, but it is soon stopped when William’s fingers curl around your wrist. “Fuck, we need to stop,” he curses, his forehead resting against your chest as he tries to calm himself. “I’m sorry, it’s just, my self-control stops at some point,” he mumbles, and you nod. “It’s okay,” you breathe, your hands coming up to soothingly brush through his hair, but he shakes his head and pulls away completely, moving off you and laying down on his back next to you. “You - you can’t touch me,” he says and you nod, trying to focus on calming yourself. “No, sorry, I need to go home,” he starts getting up, careful not to touch you. “No, please don’t go,” you reach out, catching his hand. “Please stay,” you whisper. “I really need to go home and fix this, I’m sorry, baby,” he says, softer this time – still careful with the distance between your bodies. The nickname sends another wave of need crashing in between your legs. “Please, Will, you can’t leave now,” your voice comes out just as needy as you feel, “just… go into my bathroom and… fix it there,” you mumble, your cheeks warming up as you suggest it. “I really need you to stay a little longer,” you add once you can tell that he’s thinking about it, taking a step closer and looking up at him – putting your lips at a close distance to his. To which he lets out a deep breath and presses his lips to yours in a deep kiss before he disappears into your bathroom. You lay there in silence, staring into the ceiling. You couldn’t have stayed still to save your own life, the feeling between your legs too much. You move underneath your duvet with the hopes that the weight of it would help keep you still, but it didn’t – it just made you warmer. You let your hand wander down your torso and in between your legs, just over your shorts, in hope of some relief, but you quickly stop when you hear the bathroom door unlock. Will climbs back into bed and underneath the covers with you, his arms wrapping around you immediately. His lips finds your forehead and you press your body into his, like you wanted to cuddle, but really you wanted him to touch you. You didn’t want to seem too eager, so you softly pressed your lips to his neck like you sometimes would do when you cuddled. But you couldn’t keep it at that, your body craving his – you kissed a trail up his neck. “Babe,” he started, but he stopped when he saw your face and let you kiss him deeply. “Please, I can’t keep still,” you talk against his lips, and he hums back as your lips are already back on his. He lets you lead his hand to where you needed it. You let go of his hand and he lays it flat between your legs, making you gasp against his lips. “Lay back, baby, relax,” he talks, and you do as you’re told – rolling to your back. He kisses you deeper while simultaneously moving his fingers over your heat. Your fingers are fisted in thick blonde locks of hair, and he groans against your mouth as you tighten your grip. You arch your back into him and his fingers move to the band of your shorts. He looks at you for any signs that this isn’t what you want, but you only nod. His fingers disappear into the waistband of both your shorts and your underwear, a curse leaves his lips when he feels your wetness on his fingers. He watches you intensely to see your reactions when he touches you, when his fingers sink into you. He watches as your mouth falls open and your eyes closed, and a fond smile tugs at his lips when you breathe out small moans. Just the fact that Willy had his fingers inside you is enough to push you to the edge of your pending orgasm. His thumb moving in circles over your clit and his lips leaving kisses on your neck had you coming in no time, moans and heavy breaths flowing out of your mouth as your orgasm comes crashing.

May 2014 You find yourself in a very crowded Nylander living room once again. Teenager’s with red solo cups all around you, getting drunk in honor of William’s 18th birthday. You sit stiffly on Alex’s lap, who’d been very clear that you two had to hang out tonight, because you always disappeared during parties, but truly it was him who either tried to win over some girl or got really drunk – or both. And now he was deep in conversation with a friend of his that you barely knew and the conversation that surrounded the topic of some PlayStation game didn’t really interest you either. You found William looking at you from across the room, who smiled at how bored you looked and motioned for you to come to him instead. Alex barely even noticed that you left, his hand that had previously rested on your hip went straight into gesticulating and helping him get to some point about a PlayStation controller. You shake your head at Alex, making Willy laugh as he is still watching you closely. He smiles at you while you make your way over to him, and the couch he’s sitting in could in theory fit another person if Willy scooted closer to the girl on his left but instead he pulled you down onto his lap. His arm slides around your waist and pulls you closer while his other hand lands on your thigh – way higher than acceptable for a younger brother’s best friend but you let him anyway, knowing how much he wants to tell everyone and be able to kiss you, or hold your hand, or cuddle you whenever he wants, no matter who’s around. Knowing how he sometimes forgets that he can’t do those things because it just feels so natural. The girl next to Willy looks at you weird, eyeing his hand on your thigh. You try to act indifferent to her stare, turning your head and whispering in his ear. “Maybe move your hand a little further down towards my knee, your friend is looking at us weird,” you speak as quietly as you could before looking away again, to not make it obvious that you were whispering in his ear. He tilts his head to the side while looking at you, and you quickly grab his wrist to keep him from doing the exact opposite. Based on the smirk tugging at his lips and the smell of alcohol on his breath, you knew he wasn’t going to listen. The girl next to you is also smirking when the two of you start giggling – you desperately trying to push his hand away from you. You give her a look, a beg for her not to say anything and she smiles reassuringly back at you. William settles after a while, his hand a little further down, but not really far enough – but you let it go. It’s his birthday, after all. “Hey, I’m gonna go get another drink, come with me?” he asks you, and you nod, getting up and leading the way. When you get to the crowded kitchen, he takes your hand in his and pulls you out the door and into the backyard instead. “I thought you were getting a drink?” you question him, letting him lead you further away from the house. “Mm, no, I just thought that whispering ‘hey wanna go make out’ and make you blush before dragging you out of the house would maybe look a little suspicious,” he tells you with a smug smile on his lips. “See, you’re blushing just from me saying that,” he laughs, letting go of your hand and poking at your red cheeks. You playfully roll your eyes and throw your arms around his neck, to which he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into him – just enough for your feet to leave the ground.

His lips are pressed against yours, your feet hit the ground and you’re trapped between the wall behind you and his body. You giggle into the kiss and you can feel him smiling against your lips, a quiet hush leaving his. You get lost in his kisses, your fingers deep in his hair. His hands are on your waist, holding your body to his. Soon your tongues are sliding against each other and you’re both breathing heavily into each other’s mouths. His hips press into yours and you whimper through the kiss. One of his hands comes down to your behind, feeling you up while simultaneously pulling you closer and pressing his thigh in between yours, making a full moan roll from your tongue. He pulls his lips from yours, moving on to your neck. And somewhere between faded dance music from inside, utter bliss and lust, a thought pops into your mind. “Do you think we could sneak into your room without anyone noticing us?” you ask, your voice playful and airy. Will’s head comes up quickly, looking at you suspiciously. “What? Why?” he questions you, and your lips turn up into a wide smile. “Just wanna give you your gift in private,” you shrug, and a smile tugs at William’s lips, even if he still looks confused. “But you already gave me a gift,” he states, meaning the Crosby jersey that you and Alex had scraped your pennies together to get him. “Yeah, but this one is just from me,” you tell him, and he smiles through the blush that creeps up his cheeks. And you almost blush just from seeing his cute reaction. You stand up on your toes and kiss him deeply before you send him on his way. “You go first and I’ll be there in like five minutes,” you tell him. You wait outside for a minute or two, but then go inside to mill around for another couple of minutes just to not look like you’re going up the stairs with an agenda. Of course, you run into Alex who wonders where you’ve been. You tell him you’ve been in the bathroom with Jessica, and he believes you immediately, knowing how many times you and Jessica had snuck away for 20-30 minutes, hiding in the bathroom at birthdays, dinners and other get togethers. “And now I kinda have to go to the toilet again, alcohol just runs straight through me,” you lie, barely having had a cup of alcohol. He laughs and lets you go. You run upstairs, where the partygoers weren’t allowed to go – but having grown up with your mom being best friends with Camilla, you were hardly a guest anymore. “Took your sweet time,” William teases when you come through his bedroom door. “Ran into Alex,” you explain as you close the door behind you, locking it. “How’d you get out of that one?” he asks, his head rested against the wall behind his bed. “Told him I’d been in the bathroom with Jessica. I don’t even know if she’s here,” you chuckle, climbing into his lap – straddling him. “She’s here,” he smiles, taking your hands in his. “Good,” you breathe, leaning forward and pressing your lips to his in an immediately deep kiss. His hands finds their way to your back, underneath your blouse. Your own arms are circling his neck and pulling him up until he’s fully sitting, his body flush against yours. It never took long for your kisses to turn heated, but knowing that you didn’t have all the time in the world, you pushed your chest into his and kissed him harder as you pushed your fingers into his hair with a heavy hand – just like you knew always turned him on. He moaned into your mouth and you grinded your hips into his lap, granting yourself another one of his moans. “Did you just wanna lure me into my bed or what?” he breathes as you make your way down his neck with kisses. “Fooling me with a gift,” he jokes through his labored breath. “You’re getting a gift. Just shut up and take your shirt off,” you demand, a smirk tugging at your lips when you see his surprised but lustful look. He mumbles a curse but quickly gets his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. You don’t let yourself get distracted by his shirtless torso, just lift your hands into the air, nodding when he looks you in the eyes as to ask if you’re sure. He pulls your blouse over your head, letting it fall next to his shirt. His hands comes back to your waist immediately, feeling your soft skin underneath the tips of his fingers. You’re glad that you thought long enough to put on the nicest bra that you owned, black and a little bit lacy – even if you hadn’t planned this. His thumbs are creeping up to the sides of your bra and you lean back in, kissing him as a distraction while your hands finds the clasp on your back. You pull back from the kiss to make sure he’s watching when your bra falls from your chest, straps sliding down your shoulders. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes, his eyes switching between looking you in your eyes and your chest – a part of you that he hadn’t seen before. He rushed his lips to yours, kissing you hard and deep as one of his hands comes up to cup your boob. “Is this my gift?” he smiles against your lips, and you can’t keep your lips from turning into one as well. “No, it’s not,” you say before pressing into him again with both your lips and your chest.

You let him kiss all over your chest, both enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin and the effect it has on him. As he starts kissing his way back up to your lips again, you let your hand trail down his torso, until you’re pushing it between your bodies, laying your hand flat over his bulge. His hand is softly, halfheartedly, wrapping around your wrist immediately. “Babe, you know you can’t do that,” he talks through lust, through the voice in his head telling him to just let you and give in to the pleasure. “I’ll take care of it, I’ll take care of you,” you whisper, your forehead pressed against his. “What?” his eyes shoot open. “Let me take care of you,” you say, pressing your lips to his before he can say anything else. He seems hesitant but lets go of your wrist, moaning into your mouth when you apply more pressure to his arousal. You shift your weight to your knees instead of his lap, giving yourself more room to stroke him over his jeans. You move your fingers to the waistline of said jeans, opening the button and sliding down the zipper. You manage to fit your hand between the tight fabric and his bulge, stroking him and enjoying the groans and moans escaping his throat. He suddenly moves his legs over the edge of the bed, moving his hands to the back of your thighs and standing up with you in his arms. Your hands come up to his shoulders. “I just wanna say something before this goes any further,” he tells you, eyes locking with yours. “Okay,” you nod. “I’ve been wanting to say it for a while, and I just feel like,” he starts, but it seems like he’s getting distracted – leaning in to kiss you instead. “I – I love you. Fuck, I wasn’t just gonna burst it out like that, I - ,” he rambles on, lost in his head and not noticing your uncontrollable smile. You place your hands on each side of his face, making him look at you. “I love you, too,” you tell him, and a smile spreads on his lips as well. “You do?” he asks, smile so wide that he can barely talk. “Mm, I’ve been in love with you a lot longer than I’d like to admit,” you tell him, smiling in to the kiss you’re placing on his lips. A couple more kisses and his tongue is once again playing with yours. His hands sliding up to your back as he lets you back down, your feet landing steadily on the floor. You let one of your hands slide from the back of his neck and down his torso until they land on the waistline of his open jeans. You use both hands to pull them down his thighs, revealing his white boxers with the small, wet spot on their front. He moans into your mouth when you put your hands on him again, stroking your hand over his bulge. You pull back from his lips, standing up on your toes and placing your mouth close to his ear as you hook your fingers into the band of his boxers. “Now, you have to tell me if I’m doing something wrong, or if you don’t like it. Guide me,” you whisper, and he nods, his head pressed against your shoulder – his heavy breaths causing your skin to tingle. You stand with your feet flat on the ground again, your forehead leaning on his chest as you look down, pulling his boxers down to meet his jeans again, watching as his hard member springs free. He gasps as you take his erection into your hand. You place a kiss on his chest as you start moving your hand, leaving another on his neck. His fingers creep up into your hair and he turns his head to find your lips through labored breaths. His kisses are desperate and lustful, moans and groans vibrating against your lips. One of his hands slides down your back and to your ass before he lets his fingers slide between your legs, making you moan into the kiss – making you a little weaker in the knees. “Stop, this is about you,” you whisper against his mouth. You move on to kiss his neck, making a trail down to his collarbone and his chest and then falling to your knees. You look up to see William’s mouth fall open, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Oh babe, you don’t have to…,” he pants, his hand coming down to cup your jaw. “I want to,” you breathe, “do you want me to?” you add, watching him as he struggles to find words, fighting with himself. “Yeah,” he eventually lets it roll of his tongue. “Just tell me if I’m doing something wrong or, or something you don’t like,” you tell him, and he nods. You take him into your mouth, keeping your hand around his shaft – your other hand on his thigh to keep yourself steady. His hands comes down to your head, gathering all your hair in his fingers to keep it from getting in your eyes as you start bobbing your head, going a little faster – his groans and heavy breaths urging you on. It doesn’t take long before his grip in your hair is tightening, and you press your thighs together at the thought of making him cum for the first time. You look up through your lashes, finding him with his head tipped back, his mouth open and panting. You push your tongue harder to his shaft, watching as his head falls forward again, his eyes clenched together as he curses. “Fuck, babe, I’m gonna come,” he groans, his eyes opening and immediately meeting yours – to which he curses again. You lead his member out of your mouth with one last lick of your tongue, only using your hands to help him to his climax, letting him cum all over your chest as he pulses in your hand. You take the scrunchie on your wrist and relieve William of his self-imposed make shift ponytail duties to make sure your hair don’t fall into the sticky liquid on your skin, before letting him take your hands in his to help you to your feet. He curses through his slowly calming breath, leaning his forehead to yours. “You’re so fucking amazing,” he breathes, leaning in to kiss you deeply, his hand coming up to cup your jaw. “I just, I want you to know that I am definitely not just saying this because you just gave me a blowjob, but I fucking love you, so much,” he says sincerely and kisses you again, making you chuckle against his lips. “I know, and I love you, too, so, so much,” you tell him, kissing the side of his mouth when he smiles just as wide as yourself. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he says, quickly pulling up his pants and underwear again. “Uhm, I, for absolutely no reason at all, have a roll of toilet paper in my nightstand,” he laughs, blush creeping up his neck as he comes back to you with the roll in his hands. “I just had your dick in my mouth, you don’t need to blush, Will,” you laugh, making his cheeks even redder. “Also, you’re wiping your cum of my boobs, so, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed of your toilet paper roll,” you add, making him throw his head back laughing. “You’re so foul-mouthed,” he shakes his head laughing. “I kinda just want to stay locked in here with you all night,” he says, as he’s wiped it all off and thrown the used paper in his bin. “I wish,” you breathe, stepping closer to him and pressing your still naked chests to each other’s as you slide your arms around his neck. His hands comes back down to the back of your thighs and he lifts you up, letting you hook your legs around his hips. “So, uhm, did you like your extra birthday gift?” you ask, your fingers tangling in blonde hair. “Yeah,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss you again. “So much better than I imagined it,” he whispers, his lips so close to yours that you could feel them moving. You pull back with red cheeks and a smirk. “You’ve imagined it?” you ask, biting your lip as you watch him fight the blush. “More times than I’d like to admit,” he chuckles, repeating your words from earlier. After talking yourself out of staying in his room all night, you finally leave his room with your blouse carefully tucked back into your jeans and your hair back down around your shoulders. You come down the stairs and immediately spot Alex, deciding to jump on his back and give him the attention he’s probably gonna claim he’s not getting, before he points out that you’ve been ‘in the bathroom’ the last 40 minutes. Alex takes an ungracious pirouette, swinging you around, making it possible for you to catch William’s eyes as he comes down the stairs, your smile spreading to twice its size – his own spreading as well, mouthing the three words he’s been wanting to tell you for far too long. “I love you,” June 2014 You come up the stairs from the Nylander’s cellar after having spent most of the day with Alex watching serial killer documentaries on Netflix, about to go home for dinner. William joins you in the hallway, whispering plans of sneaking out to come see you later that night while you put on your shoes. You step outside, Will’s head sticking out from inside and pressing his lips to yours, his hand coming up to your neck to hold you to him as he kisses you, before telling you he loves you and letting you walk home with a warm feeling in your chest – your head spinning with terrible ideas on how to break the news to your best friend that you’re dating his older brother. That you’re in love with William. Around 8PM, someone’s at the door – but you’re comfortable on the couch, on your tenth level of Candy Crush in a row – so you just shut up and let your mom deal with it. You immediately recognize Camilla’s voice as she and your mom goes into the kitchen, you hear them giggling about drinking wine on a Thursday night and you decide to just shut your ears and ignore them. Candy crush and ignoring yapping between middle-aged women is long forgotten when you hear Camilla’s hushed voice ask for you, though. “No, she’s in her room, I think. Do you want me to go get her?” your mother asks, and Camilla quickly says no. Candy crush is officially forgotten and you try to push every guilty feeling of listening in on something you shouldn’t be listening to, to the back of your mind. “So, I think our kids are dating,” Camilla almost sounds nervous when she says it, and you have to clamp your hand over your mouth in order to keep yourself from cursing out loud. “What? Y/N and Alex?” your mother exclaims and you can’t help but roll your eyes that she would even think that. Camilla is silent for a second, and you’re guessing she’s taking a deep breath or shaking her head – or maybe both. “No, William,” she corrects your mother. “Michael was coming home from work and stopped to get the mail and I guess he saw them as Y/N was leaving our house. He said William leaned out the door and they kissed… and from that I’m guessing that Alex doesn’t know either,” she added, and you cursed yourself for not noticing Michael. “They know about us. Your dad saw us kissing and Camilla is over here telling my mom right now,” you quickly texted Willy, taking a deep breath before getting up and inserting yourself to the conversation in the kitchen. “Fuck, he was acting really weird when he came home. What are they saying?” he texted you back. You quickly texted him back that you were gonna go talk to them to make sure that they don’t get anything wrong and that you’d call him later. “I’m not in my room and I’m sorry for listening in on your conversation,” you say as you turn up in the doorway to the kitchen. Your mother still looks to be in shock, but Camilla smiles at you, motioning for you to come sit down. “So, you and William?” Camilla starts, her voice is soft and calming, her hand comes up to your shoulder as if to make you feel like you can talk freely. “Yeah,” you try to keep it from happening, but you can’t possibly keep the corners of your mouth from turning up and your cheeks from blushing, your hands immediately coming up to cover your face. “I’m sorry for not telling you guys, it’s just, like you guessed, Alex doesn’t know and I – we have no idea how to tell him, and I really don’t want him to hate me. Also I’m scared of what you’re going to say… age gap and all,” you told them. Camilla’s hand is still on your back, moving in soothing circles. “It’s okay, Y/N. And Alex will get over it, I’m sure of it. And I’m not mad,” she tells you, and you both look over at your mom who looks to be deep in thought. “How long has this been going on?” she asks, she sounds calm but you’re not sure. “I guess it really started in March, after Alex’s birthday,” you told them, and you could almost see the lightbulb lighting up above her head. “Yeah, that makes sense,” she says, and she tells Camilla about that night when you and Willy had been talking (or kissing) on your porch and she’d come out. Her stare softens when she looks at you next. “I guess, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. You’ve been in love with him for long time, haven’t you?” she states, making your cheeks flare up and your lips tug upwards again. “Think I’ve might’ve had a crush on him since I was thirteen,” you mumble, to which they both smile.

“I always thought that, you know, Will’s got a lot of younger siblings, thought that he was just looking out for you, that he was just doing his ‘older brother’ thing,” Camilla says, making your cheeks feel even hotter. “I mean, you’ve been around longer than his actual little sisters,” she laughs, taking a sip of her wine. “But I’ve also had my doubts sometimes, I think I’ve picked up on a fair share of flirting over the last year – and Alex’s eye-rolling,” “Why’s Alex rolling his eyes?” your dad emerges from the hallway, making all three of you silent, not knowing what to say. “Uhm, Y/N has a boyfriend,” your mom tells him. “What? Alex?” his eyes shoot your way, horrified. “No, dad. It’s William,” you tell him, looking down in fear of what’s he’s going to say to his daughter dating someone who’s two years older. “Oh, thank God it’s not Alex,” he exclaims dramatically, sitting down in the chair across for you, making you and your mom burst out laughing while Camilla sits gaping next to you. “Dad!” you scold him, and he shrugs. “I’m sorry, Camilla, but if it helps, it’s a huge compliment to your other son. Will’s a lot more polite, more of a gentleman,” he says, to which Camilla shakes her head laughing, your mother doing the same thing. “Wait, so you’re not mad?” you ask him, shocked by his reaction. “I mean, I would prefer if you stayed away from boys for a few more years, but I trust Willy, he’s a good guy – and I’ve seen how smiley and giggly you two get around each other, so it’s not really a shock either,” he shrugs, getting back up to find himself something to eat, leaving you, your mother and Camilla to stare it each other in shock. “We’re good. They’re not mad and my dad doesn’t want to kill you, like not even a little bit,” you texted Willy once Camilla left, half an hour later. “Good. I talked to my dad about it and he gave me the fucking talk…” he texted you back a few minutes later, making you chuckle to yourself as you pictured how absolutely awkward that must’ve been. Before you can reply to his text, another chimes in, making your phone vibrate in your hand. “TBH I’ve been more nervous about Alex wanting to kill me than your dad,”

July 2014 William meets you in the hallway when you come through the door at the Nylander house. You had made plans with Alex to watch a movie after dinner, while simultaneously having planned with Willy that he was going to join the two of you. Other than Camilla cleaning up in the kitchen, there are no one around and the coast is clear – William leans in and plants his lips on yours, his arms sliding around your waist and lifting you off the floor as he kisses you. You quickly pull back when you hear Alex’s harsh words, your sock clad feet hitting the floor as William lets go of you. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he spits the words like their venom. At least that’s what it feels like to you. He turns around in his spot, half way down the stairs, and storms back up – two steps at the time - and all the guilt you have ever felt about not telling him about your relationship with his brother gathers up into a big ball in your throat, making it hard to breathe as you run after him, begging him to wait for you. “Alex, can you please just let me in so we can talk?” you beg him, trying to open his locked bedroom door. The door flies open and you almost fall forward and into the room at the shock, but the bigger shock is Alex’s words as he shouts them right at you. “Do not fucking talk to me right now,” he yells, before his eyes shifts to behind you, where William has followed you. “And you can stay the fuck away, don’t you even try!” And then the door is smacked in your face. You can’t help but let the tears spill, all your guilt and regret coming out as salty liquid. Will’s arms are around you immediately, and you cry into his chest as his hands move in soothing circles on your back. He leads you down stairs and lets you curl up in his lap, whispering that everything will be alright, that he’ll come around, until you calm down. Camilla comes and sits down next to you, placing a reassuring hand on your leg. “Hey, what happened?” she asks, obviously having heard Alex’s screaming and your begging. “He saw us,” you breathed, “we should’ve just told him right away,” you let another tear fall down your cheek. Will’s hand comes up to cup your cheek, his thumb catching the tear and wiping it away. “It probably would have been easier, yeah, but he won’t be mad at you forever,” she tells you, and William nods at her words, letting his fingers comb through your hair. “He’ll probably be mad at Will for a week, but he can’t stay mad at you for long, I know that,” As if on cue, you can hear Alex unlock and open his door upstairs, and you all know what it means. Will kisses your forehead before he lets go of his embrace on you, letting you climb out of his lap and make your way upstairs. Camilla whispering a good luck and staying behind with her son, while you head towards what you’re guessing will be the worst fight between you and Alex ever. You lean against the doorway into his room, scared that you’d make him more mad by just bursting in – even if it obviously was opened for you. “Are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to try and make me less mad about the fact that you’re sucking face with my brother?” he says, angrily, barely looking up at you as you close the door behind you and take the safe route of sitting down in his desk chair and curling your legs up under you, instead of sitting down in his bed with him. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t told you, I know we should have just told you right away but I was so scared of your reaction that I just kept putting it off,” you start off, noticing how he rolls his eyes when you say ‘we’. You swallow hard to desperately try to keep the tears at bay. “Why are you even dating him in the first place? It’s not fucking okay,” he spits, his words hitting you like a door in the face. “Alex, it’s not like you don’t know that I have feelings for him, and vice versa,” you try to keep the conversation calm, at least on your part. “No, I don’t. You have never said anything about having feelings for him, and he has never said anything about having feeling for you,” you can hear the anger behind every word. “No, I have never told you, but I know you know, Alex. On your birthday, you probably don’t remember because of how drunk you were, but after you screamed at us for everyone to hear how bad of a best friend I was and how bad of brother he was, for.. for letting me sit in his lap when there were no open seats, I put your drunken ass to bed and you told me that you were sorry for screaming at us and that you thought he was in love with me. And that I was in love with him. That you just didn’t want me to forget about you, which I never will. And you can’t tell me that that was just something you came up with while you were drunk, cause that would be bullshit,” you tell him, feeling your own anger bubble to the surface. He could be mad at you as much as he wanted, but saying that he didn’t know about the feelings between you and William, just because none of you had ever said the words to his face, was just stupid. “You wouldn’t have been rolling your eyes at us every time Willy as much as tries to sit next to me for all these years if you didn’t know that there was something behind it,” He’s silent for a while, and you know it’s because he’s out of arguments. “What happened to always telling each other the truth, huh?” he huffs, using the decade old promise against you – a promise between two kids who had no idea what life had planned for them, that had no idea that not being the same gender would make things harder for their friendship in their teenage years. “Yeah, we swore to always be honest with each other, but that was when we were kids, Alex, when we were 6 years old. At some point I realized that there are some things that you just don’t tell your best friend when that best friend is a boy. Like when I got my period - God, how many lies I came up with when I was bleeding out of my freaking vagina, and in pain for something that you wouldn’t understand at 12 years old. And same goes for developing a huge crush on your fucking older brother. Fuck, Alex, I’ve been in love with Will since I was like 14,” you can’t help but let your voice raise, your hopes of staying calm long gone – your tears threatening to spill after every word you said. “It still doesn’t fucking make it okay. I don’t care if you’re in love. You went behind my back. You, my best friend, and my god damn big brother went behind my back. You lied to me. You didn’t tell the truth. If you think that you can come crying to me when he hurts you, when he breaks your heart, you thought fucking wrong,” he screams now, furious, and your tears finally come crashing down your cheeks. “You’re supposed to be the brother that I never got, you’re supposed to be protective of me,” you cry. “You should be happy that it’s your brother, whom you love and trust, that I know you look up to, so much. You should be happy that it isn’t some other guy that’ll hurt me. You know that Willy wouldn’t hurt me, you know it as well as I do. God, even my dad accepts it, that someone two years older is dating his little girl, because it’s Will, and only because it’s him,” you dry your tears with the back of your hand, the light grey of your hoodie turning dark when it slides over your wet cheeks. “Yeah, it fucking sucks that we didn’t tell you, and I’m fucking sorry. You can scream at me as much as you want, but I love him and I love you. You’re always gonna be my best friend, Alex, and I’m always gonna be yours, so fucking grow up and deal with it,” your last words are calm and steady, even with rivers of tears running down your cheeks, and you get up from your chair and you leave his room, closing the door behind you. You dry more tears on your sleeve when you walk back down the stairs, meeting Michael at the end, who meets you with open arms and a warm hug. He’d come home with the girls while you were up there, and immediately heard the screaming of his youngest son upstairs while simultaneously having seen the grave look on his oldest. Behind Michael, William is telling his younger sisters, who looks to have a far better reaction than Alex. And you can’t help but smile when Daniella wraps her arms around your torso, not reaching higher at just eight years old, and tells you that she thinks it’s really cool that you are dating her big brother. William is still sat on the couch, now sideways, and he pulls you closer to sit between his legs when you sit down next to him. You fill him in on the parts of the conversation that couldn’t be heard, like what you’d said. He’s got his fingers running through your hair, his lips touching your temple every now and then – and despite the fact that your best friend is upstairs more angry with you and his brother than ever before – it feels nice, finally being able to just be you and William without having to hide away. To be able to have more than a platonic arm around your shoulders, while his family roams around you, going on with their day. And it doesn’t take long before you’re asleep with your head rested on his chest and his arms around you. You’re woken up by the sound of William talking, and you quickly realize that he’s on the phone – on your phone. “Yeah, she woke up now. I’ll follow her home, yeah. Bye,” he ends the call. “Hey, you feeling better?” he asks, and you nod, happy that you’ve managed to sleep away the headache that came with the screaming and crying. “Your mom called, she wants you to come home,” he informs you, even if you already kind of gathered that information. He holds your hand all the way home, either that or his arm is around your shoulders, keeping you safely tucked into him. “I told your mom about the Alex situation,” he tells you. “Yeah?” you look up at him from your spot under his arm. “Yeah, I guess she could hear that I was kinda worried about you, so I just told her what happened, in short. That you fought and that you cried a lot, I mean, she’ll see that the second she sees you,” he informs you. “Oh, God, I look awful, don’t I?” you whine, pressing your cheek into his chest. “Hey, no, you do not look awful. You look just as beautiful as you always do. I’m just saying that I can see that you’ve been crying, and your mother will definitely see that,” he says, sincerely. He stops, his hand coming up to cup your cheek while he looks at you with eyes that demands that you meet his gaze. “I love you,” he whispers, not letting you say it back before he presses his lips to yours in a sweet but long kiss. “I love you, too,” you speak against his lips before kissing him again, pouring the overwhelming love you feel for him into the kiss. “Even though this really fucking sucks, I also feel like there’s a weight lifted off my shoulders. And I am really glad that we can finally just be us. Like, if Alex comes out of his room now and finds out that you’re following me home, he’ll probably be mad about it, but at least he won’t think that it’s weird. I’m just happy that we don’t have to hide from everyone anymore,” you tell him, and he nods at your words, pulling you in with the hand that is holding yours and pressing a kiss to your temple. “I don’t have to pull you out of the house or look around the room to see who’s around to kiss you anymore,” he smiles, ducking down to catch your lips. He kisses you deeply on the porch before you enter your house, your mom meeting you in the hallway when she hears you come inside. Her expression softens when she sees you, blood shot eyes and red cheeks, and she pulls you into a hug. She also gives William a hug before she leaves the two of you to say goodbye. “I’ll call you before I go to bed, yeah?” he says and you nod, leaning up and pressing your lips to his. “You’re a really good boyfriend, you know that?” you whisper as you move from the kiss and into a tight hug. “I try my best. And also it’s just really easy with you,” he whispers back, and you can feel the first genuine smile spread on your lips since he met you in the hallway hours ago. Another kiss and another I love you and he’s on his way back home again. “Camilla called after I spoke to William on the phone,” your mom tells you when you come into the living room. “She filled me in on what happened, a little more than Willy did. And she also told me that she thinks you and William seem really good together, that she thought that he handled it all really well and that he was really good to you,” she smiles as she tells you this, and a warm feeling fills your chest. “He is really good to me, mom, he really is. He makes me so happy, and he loves me, and I just hope that Alex can see that, too,” you say, laying down with your head in her lap so that she could draw her fingers through your hair. “He will. I know he will, honey,” she reassures you. An hour or so later, you’re tucked into bed with Willy on the phone. It has become routine, calling every night before you go to sleep. “You know, we can finally go out on a date now,” Willy says, and you can tell from the way he sounds that he’s smiling, making you smile as well. “Yeah, I know, we co- Hold on, I just got a text from Alex,” you interrupt yourself when you see the little banner with his name on it on top of your screen. “What? Seriously? I haven’t seen him since, you know, he saw us,” he sounds as surprised as you are. “Yeah, uhm, I guess I gotta go, he’s here,” you tell him, getting up from bed and throwing on a hoodie. “Oh, really? Text me after, I’ll probably be awake,” he rounds off the phone call while you send Alex a text that you’ll be right out. “Yeah. I’m just gonna say good night anyway, love you,” and you end the call once he’s repeated the words back to you and wished you good luck. You swallow hard before opening the door to Alex. You’d never opened that door for Alex in the night, it had always just been his brother. “I’m sorry,” he bursts out before you can say as much as hello. “I’m sorry, too,” you say it right back, and his arms are around you pulling you in for a tight hug. “Come in, let’s talk, yeah?” you say once you’ve pulled back from the hug, stepping aside to let him come in. You both settle into your bed, yourself with the comforter over your bare legs. “Can I just talk?” he asks, looking at you by his side. You nod, swallowing all the ‘I’m sorrys and explanations you had prepared for the moment he wanted to talk to you again. “I’m sorry that I screamed at you, I shouldn’t have,” he started. And you wanted to say that he had every right to be mad but you desperately fought the words forming on your tongue, to let him speak his mind. “Of course I know that you’re in love with Will, and it’s even more obvious that he’s in love with you – I just… It just hurt my feelings that you didn’t tell me, you and him both.” You choke back more feelings of regret and guilt, blinking back the tears that wants out just from the thought of having hurt your best friend’s feelings. Meanwhile he’s pulling his knees up under his chin, looking straight ahead, out into your bedroom. “You’re right in everything that you said today. I was just being immature and irrational because I was hurt and my fear finally came true,” he says, and you can’t help but talk, even if just for one word. “Fear?” you ask. “Yeah, I don’t know what else to call it. I’ve always known that the day would come when you’ll be his and not mine anymore, when he’ll be your first priority and not me, when my mom will introduce you as William’s girlfriend and not Alex’s best friend. I knew the day would come, but I guess I didn’t think it would come so fast. I’m not ready to lose you yet.” “You’ll never lose me, Alex,” you whisper, letting a silent tear fall down your cheek, as you reach out and lay your hand on his arm. His hand covers yours. “I know, I know,” he whispers back. “I know I won’t actually lose you, but you and me both know that things will be different,” he looks over at you, and you nod, your lower lip between your teeth. Things would change, but the fact that Alex is your best friend would never. “I completely understand that it was difficult to tell me. It downed upon me earlier that you have never told me about a crush, never said a word about some boy you liked, even if I’ve told you about every single one of my crushes – and it makes sense now because it’s been Will for as long as crushes has been a thing for you. Because, obviously, you could have told me about your crushes. But it would have been weird because your crush has always been my older brother,” he talks freely, every bit of anger in his voice from earlier gone. “I understand that I haven’t made it easy, with my eye-rolling and, apparently, drunk screaming. And I most likely would have been immature and made gagging noises and rolled my eyes until they nearly fell out if you did tell me, but I do wish that you would have just told me from the start. So that I could have been a part of it, if that makes sense? Because from the looks of what I saw earlier today, this has been going on for quite some time?” he ends his speech with a question, but it doesn’t look like he’s done quite yet. Your eyes meet his, and his expression softens. “I guess I just want your complete honesty from now on,” he finishes and it’s your cue to start talking. “It all started on the night of your birthday,” you took a deep breath before launching into your long explanation. “And I know that that is a hell of a long time to keep it from you, and I don’t have a valid excuse for that, other than I was scared. But, you know, over the last year he’s been flirting with me a lot, and I didn’t really understand that that’s what it was until that night,” you tell him, along with the full story of what really happened at his birthday party and the conversation you had in his bedroom that night. “On our way home, I confronted him about it, because he had obviously heard what you said, and I told him how it affected me when he would do things like let me sit in his lap, because of how stupidly in love with him I was. I am. He also kissed me on new year’s eve without anyone noticing, and other than a few texts that same night, he’d never said a word about it. And I obviously never forgot.” Alex listened intently, small expressions like humming and his eyebrows lifting as reactions to your words. “So he told me about his feelings for me and we ki- you don’t wanna hear about this,” you interrupted yourself, to which Alex shook his head and chuckled. “Well, it’s all gone slowly from there, because we obviously haven’t had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together, alone, with the situation being what it is. When we have spent time together, it’s been sneaking away at parties or him sneaking out of the house after everyone’s gone to bed, you know. And our parents found out just a couple of weeks ago, because your dad saw us kissing when we thought no one was around,” you tell him, and he nods, taking it all in. He scoots closer, laying his arm over your shoulders and letting you lean into him. “That reminds of something you said today. You said that even your dad accepts it, because it’s Will. And I said some absolute bullshit about him breaking your heart and that you can’t come to me crying, and again, you’re completely right… I don’t think that will happen, but against my strong beliefs, if something does happen, I’ll always be your best friend and I’ll always be there for you, and if I need to, I know I can knock him out,” he says, and you can tell he’s smirking at the last part and you finally let a laugh roll off your tongue. You both fall silent after that, finally feeling calm with Alex’s arm around you and with the words of his forgiveness still echoing in your ears. “Are you going to forgive Will as well?” you whisper, thinking about their mother’s words from earlier, how she’d said that Alex couldn’t stay mad at you for long but that it would take longer with William. “I’ll probably give him the silent treatment for a week,” he says matter of factly, and you can’t help but burst out laughing. “What?” Alex asks, looking down at you, under his arm. “It’s just, that’s exactly what your mother predicted,” you explained, and a smile tugged at his lips. “Fuck, that woman knows me to well,” he jokes and you burst out laughing again. And it felt good laughing again, in a way that only your best friend knew how to make you laugh. “Now I can’t do that. The question is; Do I outdo myself and give him the silent treatment for two weeks? Or do I just forgive him right away so that my mother thinks better of me,” he thinks out loud. “I think you should forgive him right away,” you say after a while. “But I don’t want to,” he whines, but you know he means it. “If someone deserves to be forgiven right away, it’s him. Not me. If it was up to him we would have told you after a week,” you said, releasing a deep breath. You can sense that he’s tensing up, but his arm stays around you. “Why?” he asks, and you take another deep breath. “First of all, I was really scared of what your reaction would be. You know, with the eye-rolling and all that. Also, when you screamed at us on the night of your birthday party, you said that Will had been trying to steal me away from you for years, and I couldn’t help but think that it was how you really felt. But I also wanted to see if it would work out between me and Will before I said anything to anyone,” you told him. “What? Did you not think it would work out? You’re best friends and you’ve known him all your life. And you’ve been in love with him for years, right? It’s kinda disgusting but it’s obvious that you’re like meant to be or whatever,” he said, so low that it could be categorized as whispering. “I never doubted my own feelings, or our friendship. I just couldn’t believe that he was in love with me. But he proved me wrong,” you finished, leaning more into Alex, who stayed quiet. “I forgive you, and I’ll forgive him, too, I promise. But not until tomorrow, at like 4 o’clock,” he says after a while of silence. He manages to get you smiling again, even if you were worried that he would get angry at you again. “Thank you, Alex,” you breathe, your arm moving around his waist and you hug him to you. “Yeah, yeah, just no making out around me and no details that I definitely don’t need, okay?” he chuckles, and you do the same. “Deal,” you tell him, securing the promise with a pinky swear. “Now, I’m gonna go home before you fall asleep on me and I end up sitting here all night with a dead arm, okay?” he tells you, smiling. You roll your eyes at him as he gets up from the bed. “Dead arms and force-cuddling is now reserved for my brother, thank you very much,” he smirks and earns a pillow to the head for the comment. “Excuse me, you like my cuddles,” you tell him as you follow him out of your room. “You’ll see. You’re going to miss them when you’re not getting any,” you add on once he starts shaking his head. It’s all forgotten, though, when he hugs you and tells that he loves you – and good night.

August 2014 Going to the lake with your friends was one of your absolute favorite summer activities. After a period with some not-so-sunny and not-so-hot days, the sun was finally out again and the temperature was back to being excruciatingly hot, which meant that every teenager in Sweden was on their way to the closest body of water. It was the first time that you and William would go out with your group of friends as a couple and it was fair to say that you were a little bit nervous. You were ready with your bikini on, covered by a pair of denim shorts and a t-shirt, when Alex and William, along with four of your other friends, come by your house. And with the usual hollers and greetings while you walked down the pathway from your house to your street, the endless dilemma in your head on how to deal with this new situation was long forgotten. You made your way through the group of friends with various ‘hey’s and a hug or two until you ended up by William, who greeted you with the extra big smile that was reserved for you, and you only, before he pulled you to him, sliding his arm over your shoulders and pressing a kiss to your temple. And you couldn’t help but laugh when you hear Alex speak dramatically; “Oh, you didn’t know? They’re dating. I didn’t either,” Alex seems happy when you jump on his back on your way down the trail to the lake, but also like he was trying to determine if you did it because you wanted to or if you’re just trying to give him more attention because you’re dating his brother. He also tried to pretend that he thinks it’s annoying but you know that he doesn’t. And then he tries to throw you in the lake with your clothes still on, at least he makes you believe that he actually will – to which Willy comes to your rescue – and Alex rolls his eyes and lightheartedly makes a joke about Willy being your knight in shining armor. Alex rolls his eyes again when Will asks you to rub sunscreen onto his back, to which you mutter something about how Alex and his red back better get in line. He rolls his eyes again when Willy rubs sunscreen onto your back, before he makes comment for everyone else’s enjoyment: “At least, now I won’t have to do it.” Time flies by quickly when you’re having fun – running around in the sand with your best friends, jumping from rocks with Alex and occasionally being picked up by Will and thrown into the water. One time he picks you up and carries you out slowly, pretending that he’ll drop you a few times making you squeal or giggle, but then he’ll pull you even further up and kiss you. When he stops up, so far out that you can’t reach the bottom anymore, he lets you lock your legs around his waist while his arms slide around you, holding you while he presses his lips to yours. Behind you can hear your friend Caroline scolding Alex; “Shut up, they’re cute,” Half an hour later you’re sat on top of a big rock in the lake with Alex and Linus, while William is lying on his beach towel back by the water’s edge. You can hear a few more people coming down to the lake, voices and laughter coming closer. You know them, but they’re more Will’s friends than yours and Alex’s. Also, you haven’t really seen any of them over the summer. “Oh, you better watch out, Y/N,” Linus says, his voice almost sounding nervous. “What?” you open up your eyes after having had your face turned up towards the sun. “Oh,” you say, nonchalantly. Everyone, except your boyfriend, knows that Christine, one of the girls that are now arriving at the lake, has a huge crush on him. And she was never subtle about it. “Oh?” Alex repeats, mimicking you. “I trust him, even if he is completely oblivious,” you tell them, watching as she sits down as close to him as humanly possible without actually sitting on him. The rock that you and the boys are sitting on are close enough to the beach for you to hear most of what is being said. William’s eyes meet yours when Christine touches him for the second time within the five minutes she’s been there. You smile and he smiles back at you – and you think maybe he finally understood what his friend was doing. Or trying to do. He moves away from Christine, in the guise of turning towards all his friends. He sends another smile your way before he starts talking. “I wanted to tell you something. All of you,” he smiles, motioning to the ones that had just arrived. “Okay?” one of them says, before they all turn their attention to William. “I have a girlfriend,” he says, enthusiastically. The questions comes flying after that, from everyone but Christine. And one of them don’t even believe him until he tells them that it’s you. You turn your attention away from what was going on around William, and back to soaking up the sun. But only for a few minutes, though, before you’re turned victim to the Nylander brother’s antics and you’re once again in the water and in the arms of your boyfriend. “Did you finally realize that I’m not the only one with a crush on you,” you ask, your voice low and playful, once you’re out of the shallows. “Uhm, I think I might,” he makes a face as he says it, and you laugh at him. “You’re pretty oblivious, aren’t you?” you tease, and he shrugs, pulling you in for a kiss. “It makes sense now, though,” he says, “also, not be cocky, but I don’t think what you feel for me qualifies as a crush,” he adds, smirking. “Mm, no, haven’t been able to qualify this as a crush since I was like thirteen,” August 2014 Every year the Nylanders would have an end of summer barbecue. You loved these parties because you got to hang out with your friends all night, friends you didn’t see all the time, and of course, Alex and William. But you also hated them because your mom’s friends were extremely annoying and nosy, especially when it came to you. And now, with your mom and Camilla being a little too excited about their kids dating, everyone would know about yours and William’s relationship. And none of them would leave you alone. Less than an hour into the party and you feel like you’re about to explode. It doesn’t really help with the attention, but William has begun to actively be next to you, a hand on your shoulder or on your waist – somewhere – trying his best to keep you sane through it all. Some were sweet, just smiling, maybe adding that you looked cute together or that it warmed their heart or something, but not all of your moms friends were very appropriate, making eyes at you and whispering little things that sent you into a constant state of cringe for 5 minutes straight. You weren’t the only ones that were being bugged about the matter of yours and William’s relationship. Your dad got the question several times, of what he thought about his little girl dating the big shot hockey player of the Nylander family, to which he first just rolled his eyes, but after a while, when the repeated question became annoying, he said; “You know what, I really don’t mind, Willy is really nice to her and that’s all that matters,”. And then at one point, with a smirk, added – “I’m just glad it wasn’t this little fucker,” – while motioning to Alex, who was standing next to him. Alex also got a fair amount of attention because of it but Alex loved attention. “So what do you think about Y/N dating your brother,” someone would ask him, and he would smile and tell them some overdramatic story. “But you know what, I’m happy for them. And it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. I was mad about for about five hours, but as soon as I realized that I’m not the one who has to follow her around the mall anymore, I was completely fine,” he would end, making the circle of middle aged women around him erupt in laughter. “Hey, just ignore them. Let’s just have a good time, okay?” William spoke, sliding one of his arms around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his front while simultaneously cupping your cheek with his hand. The comment made from your mom’s friend, Isabella, had you fuming – you see, she just knew from the day you were born that the boys wouldn’t be able to keep their eyes off you. He looks at you with wide eyes and lifted eyebrows until you smile – making you look away as you try to hide the fact that he has that kind of power over you but failing miserably. A smile spreads on his lips as a reaction to yours. Moving his hand to your jaw, he tilts your head back towards him and pulls you into a sweet kiss. And then one that isn’t that sweet, one that is short but still manages to fill your gut with heat before he pulls back. “What?” you hear your mom’s friend Karen say, the gossip queen of their friend group. She’s in conversation with your mom, Camilla, your dad and few of their friends. Camilla and your mom are obviously telling her about you and Willy. “Are you surprised?” Camilla asks her, to which Karen looks even more surprised. “What? No. Are you? I mean, is this new? Are you just now hearing about it?” This really makes your ears perk up. You and William look at each other with furrowed brows before you both turn your attention back to Karen and the rest of them. “What? We found out about it in June… What do you mean?” Your mom asks, and you can see your dad lean into the conversation he’d probably found extremely uninteresting up until now. “In June? They’ve been flirting for years! And I am 100% sure I saw them kissing on New Year’s Eve,” she tells them, motioning towards you and Willy, who were halfway across the garden but were quite obviously listening in on the conversation. “What?” both your mother and Camilla exclaims, turning towards you, and you and Willy walk over with red cheeks – Willy holding your hand and basically pulling you with him. “I just thought that everyone but me knew about it, so I didn’t mention it,” Karen said, but your parents were turned towards you. “You said you started dating in March,” you mom stated. “And that’s the truth,” Willy argued, but it wasn’t enough. Your cheeks turn even redder. “God… He sprung a kiss on me at midnight, caught me completely off guard, and then ran off like nothing happened and never said anything about it for just about three months, when we actually started dating,” you rambled, making everyone laugh. “Well, I… Excuse me, but I texted you that night,” Willy argues next to you, making them laugh more. “Uh, yeah, at like 4 AM asking if I was mad at you for it,” you said, your head turning to him. The blush on your cheeks disappeared and you were laughing with the rest of the group. “That shit fucked me up,” you added, making them all laugh, including William – before he pulled you into him, kissing your temple and telling you he’s sorry with a smile and blushing cheeks. “Did it really fuck you up? When I kissed you on new year’s eve?” he asks when you’re alone again, sitting in the swinging bench in the backyard. Your legs are resting across his lap as you sit sideways in the seat, his hand moving up and down your bare calf. You smile at his question. “Uh, yeah, I couldn’t sleep. I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head trying to come up with every possible reason for you to kiss me that wasn’t that you actually just wanted to kiss me – I just couldn’t let myself believe that you wanted to kiss me,” you told him, eyeing him as he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “And then I was finally falling asleep, I was so close, and then you texted me and my head was back to spinning again,” you added, laughing lightly when his head fell back with a curse falling from his lips. “I’m sorry, that was really stupid of me,” he apologized, red cheeks and an embarrassed smile. “You’re forgiven,” you told him, laying a hand on his arm. “Good. I just really wanted to kiss you, you know,” he mumbled, and you took hold of his shirt and pulled him closer, until his upper body was over yours and you could press your lips to his. The kiss lasted longer than it should have. And so did the next one – sending sparks of warmth and want for your boyfriend flying everywhere, making your skin feel like it was on fire wherever he touched you. “Yeah, yeah, that’s enough,” Alex says as he approaches you, spreading out in the third and last seat of the swinging bench. By now, Alex is used to seeing you kissing his brother, and actually gave up making gagging noises whenever he saw you about a month ago. Will pushed himself away from you and back to his previous position, and you immediately miss his hands on your skin. They come back pretty quickly, though, but on your calf instead of further up – on your thigh, under the material of your summer dress. Whenever his fingers crawl closer to your knee, there are waves traveling through your body and crashing between your legs, making the pool of want and lust in your panties grow. An hour or so later, dinner is served. Meaning that everyone is lining up next to the grill and filling their plates with various meats, breads, salads and condiments. You and Will are still queued up with empty plates, his body coming closer and pressing into yours as you’re standing in front of him. His free hand comes around your waist and you pray for just an hour alone with him when he presses a kiss or two to your shoulder. You can sense your mom looking at you from her spot by the table, and you can tell by the smile on her face and the soft look in her eyes that she thinks it’s sweet, but both you and Will know that there isn’t anything sweet about his hand flat across your hip and the lingering kisses on your shoulder. There’s nothing sweet about how it makes you feel. There’s nothing sweet about the hand on your thigh when Will’s done eating either, how it travels across your lap and under the material of your dress. How his thumb moves between your thighs and starts drawing circles on the soft and sensitive skin of your inner thighs. There is nothing sweet about your hand grabbing his and leading him inside the house under the guise of having to charge your phone. Nothing sweet about running downstairs hand in hand and being pushed against the wall, his body pressed into yours and his lips following closely after. There’s definitely nothing sweet about your hand sliding down his torso and moving in between your bodies, your palm flat over his hardening member – making his situation so much worse. “Ugh, babe, no,” William presses his forehead to yours, his eyes closed and his fingers wrapped around your wrist as he concentrates on not letting your touch get to him. “Mm, I’m sorry,” you tell him, and he rolls his eyes at you. “No, you’re not,” he mutters, and you can’t help but let your grin consume your face. “It’s just… It’s something about this dress. I can’t keep my hands off you,” he tells you after a few moments of silence. His words earns a gasp from you, making a look of petty revenge appear in his eye before his lips are on yours again. His body slams into yours, his knee pressing in between your legs, while he kisses you hard and deep. His hands roams up your body, from your thighs to your boobs, his thumbs knowing exactly where to find your nipples through both your dress and your lacy bralette. You moan against his mouth and before you know it, his hand is between your thighs, underwear pushed aside and two fingers fully inside you, pressing into your g-spot. A high-pitched moan rolls of your tongue, and just as quickly as his fingers were up there, they’re back out – and he’s leaving you with a ravishing and lingering kiss before he steps back and retreats back up the stairs with his two fingers in his mouth while simultaneously sending you a look that made you want to kill him and tear all of his clothes off, all at the same time. “Oh honey, what did you do? Your dress is all wrinkly!” Your mother exclaims when she sees you only ten minutes later. You’d spent a few minutes in the bathroom desperately trying to calm yourself down, while also making sure your hair didn’t look like Willy just had his hands all up in it while making out with you. Your dress was worse for wear, though, as it was wrinkly after Will’s hands had traveled up your body both over and under your summer dress. “Uhm, I don’t know? I sat down?” you dig out your acting talent that hadn’t been used since your last attendance at the Children’s theatre in 2007. Your mother huffs and tries to straighten your dress with her hands but gives up quite quickly. The ordeal has a smirk on Willy’s lips when you go sit down next to him, stealing his bowl of ice cream and berries, while Alex rolls his eyes and pretends to gag. It is getting later and as the guest with younger kids had left the party, the rest of you were gathered around the biggest of the tables in the garden, glasses of wine and bottles of beer in just about every hand there except yours and Alex’. It was still quite crowded in the Nylander’s backyard, and all kinds of chairs, benches and stools where moved to fit as many as possible around said table, and William had gladly pulled you into his lap, where you now sat sideways – your head rested on his shoulder as one of his arms curled around your back and the other laid over your lap, his hand resting on the back of your thigh. You rarely take part of the conversation going on around the table, mostly just listening to the stories that are being told and relaxing back into Willy’s chest – a feeling of contentment and thankfulness washing over you when his lips press against your temple, causing you to tilt your head back and capture his lips in a sweet kiss. An hour or so later, Camilla hands out blankets for everyone in need of one. You already have Alex’ hoodie over your summer dress, but Will still takes one and places it over your bare legs. Soon his hand moves over your thighs. At first, the tips of his fingers barely graces your skin, but when he hears the change in your breath, they slide in between your thighs with just a little bit more force, inching their way closer to where you’d been wanting them all day. But he stops before they reach your damp underwear, and you don’t know if you’re happy about it or not. It’s enough, though, to send you even further into the desperation for your boyfriend that you’ve been feeling all day. Your mom saying your name snaps you back to reality. You sigh when Will pulls his hand away from you, helping you stand up after having spent the last two hours curled up in his lap. You’re going home, and leaving the warmth of Will’s lap and embrace is the last thing you want to do right now – for more than one reason. You hug Alex goodbye, promising to give him his hoodie back the next day. William follows you to the front yard, shoving you in front of him so that he can walk behind you with his arms slung around your neck, your cheek in perfect position for him to press kisses to it while whispering words that make you want his hands on you even more. Just before you reach the front of the house, you turn around in his arms and press your lips to his in a deep kiss, letting your hands creep up into his hair as your tongues meet. You pull back when you hear your name being called, your parents getting impatient – but lean in for one more kiss before you take his hand in yours and walk the rest of the way. You give Camilla and Michael each a hug goodbye, then you go back for peck on the lips and a final hug with William, whispering ‘I love you’ before you follow your parents home. - “I’m outside,” you read the notification from William, your heart pounding immediately, waves of heat crashing at your core just from knowing he’s outside. You make sure you can’t hear anything from upstairs, that they’re all gone to bed, before you quickly move to the door, opening it to find your boyfriend standing there, impatiently bouncing on his feet. “Fuck, I couldn’t lie still,” he says once you open the door, just before you reach out and grab his hand. “Just come inside,” you breathe, pulling him in and closing the door behind him, just before your lips are on his and your back is pushed against the same door he just came in through, his body pressed against yours. You can already tell that it’s going to be hard to stop tonight. You’re not even sure you’re going to want it to stop. Your hands are far up the back of his hoodie, feeling his muscles move underneath the tips of your fingers as his hands roam your body, stopping at your behind and pushing you against him. You moan into the open mouthed kiss as you can feel him already starting to harden against your lower stomach. You move your hands to his front, sliding your arms around his neck and kissing him harder. “My room,” you barely get out between kisses, and his hands are at the backs of your thighs immediately, hoisting you up and you’re being carried to your room. The door is kicked shut and your back hits the mattress of your bed, his body rolling over yours and your hips meeting in a desperate hope for release. Your fingers find the hem of his hoodie and you don’t waste time ridding him of it. With his lips on yours for as long as possible, he moves your t-shirt up your sides slowly, letting the tips of his fingers slide over the soft skin of your waist, before he finally lets go of your lips and pulls the garment over your head. He buries his head in your chest immediately, kisses left all over your bare breasts, until he closes his lips around one of your nipples, sucking it into his mouth. The action causes a moan to escape your lips and an arch of your body, to which he hums, sending even more lust to build between your legs. Your hand finds its way between your bodies, landing flat over the bulge in his shorts, applying pressure to it and causing another groan from his lips. You moan his name, and he finally comes back up to you, his lips pressing to yours, open mouthed with your tongues immediately connecting. One of his hands finds the drawstring of your pajama shorts, and he loosens the knot, making room for him to stick his hand into your shorts and underwear, and feel your wetness on his fingers. “Fuck, baby,” he breathes as he pulls back, not just from your lips but from you entirely, his hands working on getting your clothes off completely before his feet even touch the floor. He sinks to his knees by the bed’s side, and you’re pulled to its edge and your thighs are being placed on his shoulders, his face buried between your legs. He’d only gone down on you for the first time a few weeks ago and it had proved to be your new favorite thing, loving the way his tongue felt as it slid across your folds and dipped inside you. His hands caress your thighs while he dives in, closing in on your clit and giving it the attention he thinks it deserves – which is a lot. The little moans and curses that leave your mouth only urge him on, and his finger comes to help, sliding inside you and pressing against your G-spot, while the tip of his tongue works against your bundle of nerves. Your fingers are deep in blonde locks, your grip hard as he makes moans roll of your tongue along with every breath. You’re nearly thrown over the edge when his tongue slides in next to his finger, making his name roll of your tongue like a whimper and your fingers fist in his hair. The action has a groan leave his throat and in the matter of seconds he’s in the bed, over you again, his lips on yours in a heavy, open mouthed kiss – his tongue replaced by another finger and his thumb moving in quick circles on your clit. Your head falls deeply into the comforter under you as your lips leaves his again and your body arches into his, and with another thrust of his fingers and his lips to your jaw, you finally hit your climax. His face is pressed to your neck as he waits for you to calm down, taking in and committing every moan, whimper and pant to his memory. His hand moves soothingly up and down your thigh and his lips press little kisses on your neck every now and then – until your hand comes up to his neck and you bring your lips back to his in a long kiss. “You’re amazing,” you whisper against his lips before you press your lips back on his. With a hand to his chest you push him to his side, your fingers traveling down and into his shorts as he let’s your tongue meet his. Your hand closes around his hard member and you start stroking him and giving him little tugs. His free hand roams your side, starting the trail with a grip of your butt and moving on to your hip – fingertips skating over your waist, until his hand cover your boob, massaging it. You let go of him and give him a little shove to make him roll to his back. You start working on his shorts immediately, pulling them down his thighs along with his boxers and letting them fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes, while he throws off his hoodie and t-shirt. You stay by his side, reaching out and letting your hand stroke over his balls and erection while you leave kisses on his torso. His fingers takes little strides up your back until they’re in your hair, finding the hair tie that barely held it up into what had once been a bun and pulling it out. With his hand fisted in your hair he guides your lips to his and you kiss while your hand moves up and down his shaft. As his lips connect to your neck and his hand slides back down to your ass, you can’t help but throw your thigh over his lap and straddle him, letting go of his dick and enjoying the feeling of it pressed against your wet folds instead. You’d never sat like that while both naked before and the new sensation feels amazing – and brings certain desires to the absolute surface as you rock against him, feeling him slide between your lips.

His mouth has fallen open and so has yours, and with his hands on your hips, he sits up and presses his forehead to yours. Your eyes fall closed after staring into each other’s eyes for a while, and both your breaths come out as pants. “I love you so much, baby,” he talks against your lips, before launching into a heavy make out, your lips slotting together in desperation. His hands on your hips help you keep your hips moving in a steady rhythm, and your arms slides around his neck. “I want you, I want this,” you talk into the kiss. “I love you, all I want is you,” you add, your words not well thought out but exactly what you mean. “Me, too, baby. So bad. Want you so bad,” he tells you, his forehead pressed against yours as he talks. He plants his feet to the floor, getting up with you in his arms, your legs locked around his waist and your arms around his neck. He pulls back your sheets and climbs back into bed with you still in his arms. His lips are moving across your neck and collarbones as soon as you’re both back in bed. He sucks one of your nipples into his mouth, your eyes meet in the process and he comes straight back to your lips once he lets go. “I have condoms in my nightstand,” you tell him, your lips moving against his as you talk. If the sound erupting from his throat next is a curse or a groan, you’re not sure, but he reaches out and finds one in your drawer. You take the condom from his hand, and he lifts himself up on his arms. “Why do you have condoms?” he whispers teasingly, as you rip the packaging open. “Mm, because of you,” you tell him, letting a smile spread on your lips. You hadn’t really talked much about sex, you just let things happen when you felt ready for it – and William never said anything, just let you move at your own pace. “Got them from the school nurse’s office on the last day of school,” you tell him, reaching out and stroking his hard member – watching as his chuckle turns into a moan. “You know, when I made you sneak over here that night, I’d been thinking about you all day,” you smirk, tapping his thigh to make him stand up straighter on his knees to make it easier for you to slide the condom onto him. Two of his fingers dip into you, scissoring them inside you to hopefully make the experience less painful for you. “I’m ready, I can’t wait any longer,” you breathe, stretching your neck up and connecting your lips to his. His body crashes down on yours, and he kisses you deeply as he lets his fingers slide out of you and wrap around himself instead. He positions himself perfectly between your legs, placing the tip of his member at your entrance. You moan at the feeling and he pushes all the way in, making you take a deep breath. His forehead presses against yours and you both breathe heavily. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft but a little strained. “Yeah, babe, I’m good, just go slow,” you answer, letting your hand move from his shoulder to the back of his neck. His lips press against yours as he starts to move, finding a slow but steady pace. As soon as he finds the perfect rhythm, one of his hands find their way back to your body. He starts at your side, moving from your hip and slowly up to the side of your boob. He massages it, slow but firm, making you release a moan when he pinches your nipple between his fingers. Your lips slot together as your hands roam his back, your nails digging into his skin when he speeds up a little bit. “You feel so good,” he groans into your neck once his lips parts from yours, before he moves on to leaving kisses all the way down from your jaw to your collarbones. You only moan in response, letting one of your hands trail from his back and up into his hair, fisting your fingers in it. “It’s good for you as well, right?” he asks, lips moving against the skin of your neck – and you can hear the slight panic in his voice. Before you even process what he said, his head flies up. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asks, stilling inside you. “No, no, it doesn’t. You know I would tell you,” you tell him, finally snapping back to reality. “And it feels amazing, I promise,” you speak, cupping his cheek with your hand. “I’m- I’m not used to you being so quiet,” he mumbles, his cheeks turning red as he says it. You can’t help but smile at that. “Will, you’re doing amazing – don’t worry. And I was kinda trying to not be so loud,” you tell him, feeling your own cheeks heat up as well. He’s got a smile on his lips when he starts moving again, his hand coming down to lift your leg up, hooking it over his hip. “I like it when you’re loud,” he says before he connects his lips to yours again, and just those words alone has you moaning against his lips. “There you go,” he sounds smug, his lips moving against yours as he speaks. He speeds up, and that, along with the new angle, has moans rolling off your tongue left and right. You tug at his hair, like you know he enjoys – he’d groaned loudly the first time you did it – and his moan vibrates against your lips. His lips are soon pulled from yours as he tucks his face into your neck, eyes clenched shut as he concentrates on making you reach your orgasm before he does. He lifts his body from yours slightly, his hand moving between your bodies, where his thumb expertly finds your clit. A loud moan escapes your lips when his thumb reaches your sensitive nub and his head comes up from hiding in your neck and hair, his forehead leaning against yours. He watches your reactions closely as he touches you and fills you up again and again. “Baby,” he mumbles, his voice strained. You moan as a response and his lips press to yours in a short but deep kiss before he speaks again. “Please tell me you’re close,” he begs, kissing you again. “Mm, I am,” you breathe, and he kisses you once more before he presses his forehead against your chest and ups the movement of his thumb, letting it rub in fast circles on your clit. He can both hear and feel that you’re coming closer to the edge, your moans more frequent, your breath harsher and your insides starting to clench around his member. When your legs tighten around his hips and your fist in his hair tenses, he knows you’re about to come. He leaves your clit to give himself some extra support as he speeds up his thrusts, pressing his lips to yours as you fall apart beneath him. The soft moans resulting of your orgasm and the clenching of your insides around him has him coming just seconds after you – before collapsing on top of you.

Your hands stay in his hair, but instead of having a fistful of hair clenched between your fingers, you start drawing your fingertips through it instead. His breathing slows down and he pushes himself further up your body, his face nuzzling into the nook of your neck. A happy and content sigh falls from your lips when you feel his mouth press to the skin of your shoulder. His weight lifts from your body as he plants his elbows in the mattress beneath you, lifting himself up slightly while leaving kisses up your neck and on your cheek. You giggle and let your hands fall to the back of his neck. “I love you,” he whispers, finally letting his lips touch yours again in a sweet and loving kiss. “I love you, too, Will,” you smile into the next kiss. “I’ll be right back, okay?” he speaks, his voice soft as he places another kiss to your cheek before he slowly pulls out his softened member, his eyebrows shooting up when you gasp. “Are you sore?” he asks, making another smile stretch your lips. “No, don’t worry. I’m just sensitive,” you calm him, and he smiles, leaning down and kissing you once more before he leaves your bed for the bathroom. He comes back just a few minutes later, without the condom but just as naked. You both blush a little when he catches you looking and you both laugh lightheartedly when he steps over the clothes on the floor and crawls back into bed, letting you place your head on his chest and tangle your legs with his. “I can’t even tell you how extremely happy you make me,” you mumble into his chest, your arm stretching across his torso and hugging him to you. “I know the feeling, babe,” he chuckles, pressing his lips to your forehead. “Did you get any comments on your picture?” he asks after a while of resting in complete and comfortable silence, only your breaths and his heartbeat under your cheek to be heard. You hum against his chest and motion for William to fetch your phone from the nightstand. You roll to your back, using Will’s arm as a pillow, so you both can see your phone screen. Your mother had taken a picture of the two of you in the chair earlier that night, when you were curled up in his lap. She’d captured the exact moment when his lips pressed to your temple and your eyes fluttered closed – everything about it was perfect – his arms around you, your hand tracing little circles on his arm that laid across your lap. You’d posted it to your Instagram when your mom sent it to you – the first you’d posted of the two of you as a couple. “Okay, that’s a lot,” you say, smiling as you look to your side, meeting Will’s eye. Your phone screen is filled with Instagram notifications and you open up your phone and the app in question. You look at the comments on the post together, smiling at the sweet comments of how you were cute together, “I knew it!” and “It had to happen!”, cringing at your mothers comments of young love and heart-warming, and lastly, laughing at Alex’s comment reading ; “I love you but YIKES”. You plug in your phone charger and leave it at your nightstand, turning in William’s arms and cuddling up with him again – your nose rubbing against his neck as you slide your arms around his neck and hugging him to you, your bare body pressed to his. His arms comes around your waist and embraces you, his hands moving in soothing circles on your back. “How early do you think I need to get up to both sneak out of here and back into my house without any of them noticing?” he asks, leaving a kiss on your shoulder. You pull back, placing your hands on each of his cheeks, cupping them. “The biggest problem is your house, really. Here, you’re fine as long as you don’t leave at the exact same time as my mom or my dad. So, I guess the question is when your parents get up,” you add to the conversation. “Ugh, I should probably be home before 7 to be safe,” he sighs. “I really want to stay here as long as possible,” he adds, kissing you on the lips. “Mm, and it’s not like I’m letting you leave,” you tell him, pressing your lips to his in a deeper kiss. With his arms still around you, he rolls you both to the side. And you lay there, just kissing, for what feels like forever. “Are you happy we did that?” he asks unprovoked after having laid in silence for a little while. “Yeah, of course I am,” you smile, reaching up and pushing his hair out of his face. “Good,” he smiles, looking down between your bodies as the familiar pink blush appears on his cheeks again. “Stop worrying about these things,” you tell him, kissing him. “I am very much in love with you and for as long as I’ve thought about sex, I’ve always thought about it with you. I’ve always imagined and hoped that it would be with you,” you tell him, sincerely, ignoring the voice in your head that wants you to think that it’s embarrassing to tell him. “Really?” he smiles, the shy smile that was previously on his lips almost becomes cocky. But just almost. “Yeah, you’re my first crush, you know,” you say, letting your lips fall into a grin that matches his. “I remember being thirteen and spending the summer in your pool and blushing every time I saw you – because you were shirtless,” you chuckle, biting your lip when Will laughs sweetly. “And then the next summer, Alex didn’t understand why I was uncomfortable in my bikini and had to get a new one every two months because my body was changing – but you did, and, I don’t know, I fell so stupidly in love with you that I had a hard time functioning every time you were near me. My heart was racing every time you talked to me,” you let your cheeks warm up this time, turn a little red, just at the thought of how you felt every time he was around back then. To think you were naked and tangled up with him in bed now, was a little surreal. “I started talking to you a lot, didn’t I?” he chuckles. You hum, and he adjusts you in his arms, letting you lay your head on his arm and press your back into his front as he spoons you. “I mean, I always thought you were cute, but that summer… That year, I guess, I just realized that you weren’t just cute and my little brother’s best friend anymore. You were funny and beautiful. And I was fifteen, so, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes off you that summer,” he chuckled. “Hm, I noticed,” you smiled, turning your head slightly, letting him place a kiss on your cheek. “Yeah, and I wasn’t completely oblivious either. I knew you had a crush on me, but then you stopped blushing every time I looked at you or spoke to you, so I figured you’d stopped crushing on me – which is why I was worried that you’d be mad at me for kissing you on new year’s eve. I wasn’t sure if you liked me at all,” he explained, making you laugh. “Oh, I liked you,” you smiled, turning in his arms again and pressing your lips to his in a deep kiss. His hand came up to your face, cupping your cheek and holding you to him while simultaneously supporting your head. Your fingers trace a line from his chest to his shoulders while you kiss him, then from his shoulders to the back of his neck, where they’re engulfed by thick, blonde hair. You tighten your grip in his hair, just a little bit, and he hums against your lips. You pull back slightly, just to get a little air, but his lips follow yours like they’re magnetic. You smile against his lips before deepening the kiss, loving the effect you had on him and how his hands moved further down your body. You let your lips fall open, and his tongue was immediately pressed against yours, his hand coming down to your ass, gripping it, while you fisted your hand in his hair – this time making William moan and push your body against his. Pulling your lips from his, you swapped out the hand in his hair, letting your free hand move down his chest and abs while you placed kisses on his neck. Pushing your hand a little bit further down and under the covers, you examined the damage you’d done, enjoying the sound of his breath turning heavy when you let your hand wrap around his erection. He places his hand on your cheek, pulling you back to meet his lips again, before pushing a hand between your bodies – both of you reacting audibly when he moved a finger to slide through your wet folds. Soon, your hand stills on his shaft, the sudden pleasure taking over your body, when Will pushes two fingers inside you, scissoring them, essentially telling you that you had the same thought. You move your hand from his shaft to his chest, supporting yourself as you throw your leg over his hips, not letting yourself get distracted by his hard member so close to where you needed him most, but reaching out to get another condom from your nightstand. Sitting back, your arousals finally meet, and you grind down, making it hard for the both of you to keep your moans and groans to yourselves. Will’s hands moves to your hips, pushing you back. Desperate to be back inside you, he makes room for you to slide the condom onto him. Once it’s on, he sits up, pushing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss while his arm slides around your waist – helping you lift your hips from his thighs and using his other hand to align his member with your entrance, letting you slide down at your own pace. A deep breath falls from your lips when he’s fully inside you, your forehead leaning against his. You press your lips to his in a hard kiss before you place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him down to lay on his back. His hands rest on each of your hips and you place yours on his chest, to support you when you finally start moving your hips. With his hands firmly gripping your hips, he helps you keep a steady rhythm. With soft touches, passionate kisses and naked bodies so smoothly sliding against each other, you’re both quickly brought to your climaxes – foreheads pressed together as you both express your love for each other between labored breaths and throaty moans. You spend the next minutes catching your breaths, your cheek pressed to William’s chest as his fingers slides through your hair. “Don’t fall asleep on me, now,” William whispers, making your lips tug up into a smile. “Mm, I won’t,” you breathe, finally finding the strength to push yourself up. He sits up as well, kissing you before he slides an arm around you waist, lifting you from his lap to let himself slide out from inside you. You sigh at the loss of contact, leaning in for another kiss and then getting out of bed. William follows you to your bathroom, and you both go though your nightly routines, which for Willy is mostly watching you in the mirror as he stands behind you, arms around your waist and chin rested on your shoulder. You crawl into bed without bothering to put on any of the clothes left on the floor earlier in the night. It’s ridiculously late and you almost want to cry at the alarm William sets for the morning, just a few hours away. “I love you, baby,” he whispers into your hair, your face buried in his chest and your legs tangled with his as you’re already drifting to sleep. “Mm, I love you, too,” you breathe, then adding a soft “baby,” – smiling lazily as you hear him chuckle. Deep sleep finds you within minutes, exhaustion from the previous day and night along with Will’s body underneath you and arms around you, soothing you to sleep. You wake to your mother’s voice, but she isn’t talking to you. “Yeah, I found him. And his boxers… on the floor,” she sighs, and you suddenly realize that your mom is talking to Camilla on the phone in the room where you’re clearly naked underneath the covers with Will. And it’s probably way past 7 o’clock. “Camilla, you’re not responsible for keeping your 18 year old son out of my daughter’s bed. Don’t apologize,” she says as a matter of fact. You didn’t hear what Camilla said through the phone, but you had your guesses. “Oh, you’re awake,” she says to you, having seen you move your hand to cover your face. “I’ll make sure he comes home… Once I’ve had my talk with them,” she tells Camilla, making sure you both hear her clearly. She hangs up the phone and decides to sit down on the desk chair in your room, not far from your bed. “Mom, can we please get dressed before we have this talk?” you beg, feeling the blush rush to your cheeks. “No, I’m not giving you a chance to escape,” she huffs, and you and William adjust in the bed, sitting up more but making sure the covers hide your naked bodies. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Y/L/N,” William starts, but is soon interrupted. “Oh, don’t Mrs. Y/L/N me now, mister,” your mom nearly laughs. She takes a deep breath. “You don’t need to apologize for,” she pauses, bracing herself, “having sex. It’s fine. You’re both old enough, and I obviously can’t stop it from happening. It’s just,” she pauses again, taking another deep breath. “It’s not a problem if you want to stay over, William, I would just like to know first – and I’m sure your mom would like to know as well. I mean, she called me quite worried,” she says, and you’re thoroughly surprised at her handling of the situation. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I was supposed to get up early and go back home but I must’ve slept though the alarm,” William speaks again. Your mother nods, looking around the room as she thinks about her next words. She turns her attention to you. “I was literally going to have the talk with you tonight,” she sighs, and you can’t help but smile. “Obviously I should’ve done it a lot sooner, but you know, not my favorite kind of past time, and then I saw you yesterday and I realized that I had to do it sooner rather than later,” she mumbles the last part. “Did you at least use protection?” she asks, once she’s out of the chair, hand already on the door handle. “Yes, mom,” you answer, hiding your blushing face and smile behind your hands again. She turns around. “Will, go home and apologize to your mom. And if you want to stay over, just ask, and it’s fine. And you, I’m getting you a doctors appointment first thing in the morning. You’re getting birth control.” She leaves the room and you both sink into the bed, bodies turning to the other. “Well, that’s embarrassing,” William mumbles, making you laugh. You scoot closer to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Yeah,” you breathe, looking up at him with a smile, and he leans in for a kiss. Or two. “But this is a good thing, right? We don’t have to sneak around anymore, and you can stay over,” you smile, and a smile spreads on his lips as well “I know,” he kisses you again, deeper this time. It is hard to pull away with his naked body over yours, wanting to have his body next to yours all the time – his skin pressed against you. He’s already semi-hard and pressed against your heat, when he pulls away. “I should probably leave,” he sighs, a smile adorning his lips anyway. “I know,” you breathe, loosening your hold on him to let him climb off you and out of bed. You sit up, pulling the sheets around your bare body, as you admire his while he pulls on his clothes from last night. He comes back to you once he’s fully dressed, pushing you back down and climbing on top of you. Your giggles stop quickly once he presses his lips to yours, kissing you deeply and passionately. “I love you, so much,” he smiles, placing a kiss on your cheek as you smile back. “Mm, I love you, too – and I’ll see you later, yeah?” you kiss him again. “Yeah, if my mom doesn’t kill me,” he jokes, climbing off of you again after having left one last, lingering kiss on your lips. “Hm, she wouldn’t do that to me… she likes me too much,” you joke back, making him laugh as he exits your room, eager to get home just so that he could get back to you again.

#william nylander #william nylander imagine #william nylander smut #hockey smut #hockey imagine #alex nylander #william nylander owns my ass

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moonlit-han · 4 years

Text

a truth universally (un)acknowledged | chapter five

(artwork credit to @jisungieart)

genre: rivals-to-lovers, fluff, college au, theatre au pairing: han jisung x reader chapter word count: 5k warnings: suggestive, swearing, a wee drop of angst request: yes (@jisungsjheekies)

✧ masterlist & tag list info in bio ✧

{prologue} {chapter one} {chapter two} {chapter three} {chapter four} {chapter five} {chapter six} {chapter seven, part one} {chapter seven, part two}

chapter five

✧ the middle of november ✧ y/n’s point of view ✧

It was a lovely November day, despite the slight chill in the air. As you checked your appearance one last time, and then one last time again, before your date with Jisung, Miri strolled into the bedroom with a mug of coffee in one hand and an orange in the other.

“Ooooh, where are you off to?” Miri said as she set down her coffee, then flopped down on her bed and started to peel the orange.

“I just need to get out—planning for finals is really taking it out of me. I think I’m gonna go wander around town, maybe head to the bookstore,” you said, knowing you told only a half-truth. It was completely plausible, since the local bookstore was a frequent haunt of yours; and, even if she didn’t say so, Miri would rather do anything else than simply spend the afternoon looking at books. (Not that she didn’t like reading, but she’d rather actually read the books than browse). So, it was a safe bet that she wouldn’t randomly appear around a bookshelf while you were there with Jisung.

“Ah. Well, I’ll just be here minding my own business and probably working on homework.” She sighed as she picked at a particularly tough patch of the orange’s skin. “I wish I could go out, but I got slammed this weekend with work. Have fun, though!”

“Sorry, babe,” you said, fixing Jisung’s scarf in place so that it wouldn’t fly away in the wind. “Maybe next time we can both go on a jaunt together! Also, do you want me to pick anything up for dinner or are we good with what we have here?”

“It’s fine. You deserve a break, especially since you’ve been rehearsing and tutoring and who knows what else.” Miri popped a slice of the orange into her mouth and smiled. “Nah, I’m sure we have enough stuff here.”

You stood in front of your best friend and opened your mouth like a begging three year-old. With surprising accuracy, Miri tossed an orange slice into your mouth; no wonder she’d been smiling—it was delicious. “I’ll let you know when I’m heading home,” you promised. “Do I look okay?”

“Lovely as ever,” Miri replied. “You really like that blue scarf, don’t you . . ..”

“Yep, I do! Bye!” you sang as you quickly grabbed your bag, slung the strap across your body, and tried not to look like you were racing out the door to avoid being questioned more.

As you approached the spot where you and Jisung had agreed to meet, your heart raced. What if a friend had dissuaded him from going out with you? What if he forgot? What if? What if? The thoughts chased each other around in your head, trying to convince you to turn around. You weren’t even sure how you’d a) fallen for Jisung, b) ended up making out with him at rehearsal, and c) decided to go on a date with him. No, that was a lie. You knew full well how that’d happened. You’d slowly fallen for Jisung without realizing it. It’d all happened so quickly and you had to remind yourself that going on one date didn’t mean you had to marry the man. Not that you were complaining, though.

But, your fears were unfounded. Jisung, who’d been waiting on a bench, stood up as soon as he saw you. A grin lit up his face, as bright and warm as the summer sun, and he strode toward you with excitement clear in his every movement.

“Hey, Y/N!” Jisung said once you reached him. “Um, may I hug you?”

“Hey! Oh my god, yeah, of course. We’ve made out so much that you really don’t need to ask for something as simple as a hug.”

“I just wanted to be respectful of your space, is all,” Jisung said, shrugging. “So . . ..” He held out his arms.

You chuckled and wrapped your arms around Jisung’s waist, resting your head on his chest. His coat made a nice pillow and he hugged you tightly. Craning your head back, you looked up at Jisung, who smiled sweetly and gave you a quick kiss. It was so casual you barely registered that he’d done it; although, the way your cheeks burned was a clear indication. You buried your face in his chest as you hugged for a moment longer, then broke apart.

“Let’s get going, then, shall we?”

It was a pleasant walk into town, with the wind seeming to blow everywhere but around you. You still had to bury your nose in the deep blue scarf, though. Instead of going for coffee as you’d originally planned, Jisung had suggested getting boba. Halfway to the shop, Jisung caught your hand with his and put your linked hands in his pocket. After a moment of completely baseless embarrassment, you decided that holding hands with Jisung was really quite pleasant. Plus, now one of your hands was wonderfully warm.

When you’d almost reached the shop, you had a moment of panic. The boba shop was a popular hangout spot for students. What if someone you knew saw you with Jisung?

As if reading your mind, Jisung said, “Y/N, come on. It’s not a big deal if someone we know sees us out and about. We can just tell them that we realized the error of our ways or something.” He kissed the top of your head. “Let’s just enjoy the boba, yeah?”

Of course, Jisung was right. It was your silly pride and, quite frankly, your terror of being seen as a liar that kept you from wanting to make your relationship—was it that at this point?—with Jisung known to all and sundry. It wasn’t as if there was some rule against you dating. The only thing that stood in the way of you brazenly announcing the fact to the world was you. Jisung was smart enough to understand your hesitance and not push you, especially if it meant he’d actually get to date you.

Hands still clasped together inside Jisung’s pocket, you entered the boba shop; you knew none of the people there, and immediately relaxed. As you both decided on which flavors you’d get, Jisung pulled you closer and rested his cheek on your head. It’d been a long time since you’d shared casual touches like this, but it was easy with Jisung. So easy that it shocked you.

Jisung ordered a creamy strawberry tea with the smallest tapioca pearls possible, while you chose a peach and ginger one with pearls and only half the usual sugar in it. As you sat down at a table and waited, you chatted of the most mundane things—the exam schedule, the weather, Jisung’s friend Chan and his music (and his love life, somehow), possible plans for rehearsals. Oh, and the deep blue scarf you still wore.

“I meant to give it back to you,” you said sheepishly.

“It’s fine,” Jisung said, waving away your attempts to return it to him in that moment. “Just keep it. It looks good on you and you obviously like it. If I ever need or want it back, I know where to find you.” He reached out and tucked the scarf into a more even position, brushing a lock of your hair back into place in the process.

He really is smooth, you thought, impressed.

Just then, your order was called and you went to fetch the drinks. Since it was cold outside, you agreed that staying inside to drink the teas would be best. Jisung insisted that you try each other’s. Full of delicious tea and still flirting back and forth, you headed outside. Even in the short period of time you’d been enjoying your boba, the wind had picked up and the temperature had dropped.

After a mercifully short walk down the street, you arrived at the bookstore. Channeling his most gentlemanly self, Jisung held the door for you as you stepped in out of the wind.

The smell of paper, the glues used to bind the books, and wood immediately met your nose. Despite its size, the bookstore was hushed. Excitement at being in the presence of so many books coursed through your body. It was as if the books themselves absorbed sound so that all attention could be paid to the words they contained. Bookstores, you’d often thought, were a bit like shrines to literature. People went to them to either browse or buy the books, to revel in the wonders of the written word. There was the distinct sense that, if anyone dared disturb the hush of the bookstore, dire consequences awaited—most likely from the books themselves. They were both that which was worshipped and the gatekeepers of their sacred place.

*✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

✧ jisung’s point of view ✧

As he took off his coat, Jisung let out a little sigh of contentment; it was warm inside the bookstore and the quiet was a lovely counterpoint to the howl of the wind outside. Glancing over at you, he saw that you’d left on his scarf—it really did look good on you. He watched you pause to take in the rows and rows of shelves containing thousands of books. It probably seemed like a paradise to you. When you turned round to face him, you had a wide smile on your face.

“Isn’t it lovely?” you said, excited but careful to keep your voice down.

“It’s the best,” Jisung replied, knowing you’d take his words to mean the bookstore and not your joy. “Where to?”

“Poetry, of course,” you said, and grabbed his hand. He was surprised you did, since, so far, he’d been the one to initiate touch. Maybe being in a place you clearly loved so much had leveled your inhibitions.

Jisung was curious to see which poets you liked. He’d read enough poetry from different genres, time periods, and even languages, to feel confident that he’d know at least one of the poets, if not the works, you showed him.

As you walked to the poetry section hand-in-hand, Jisung thought over how normal it felt to be with you. That wasn’t what he’d been expecting, since you’d been sustaining some sort of grudge against him for so long. But, with the misunderstandings and admissions of pride out of the way, you’d opened up to Jisung. Yes, you were still a little shy, but he’d expected that. And, found it extremely endearing.

Combing the poetry section with you fascinating for Jisung. You’d open a compendium of Modernist works one moment, a volume providing an overview of the works of Victorian women poets the next, then flit to a small book of Latinx poetry that was published just the year before. Your sheer joy to be reading so many different kinds of verse was palpable. All Jisung could do was watch, reading anything and everything you excitedly thrust in front of him. Later, Jisung would remember this as the exact moment he started to fall in love with you.

It was a perfect date.

After that first date, Jisung realized he could discuss poetry with you. In fact, he could talk about anything and took full advantage of that fact. It was the best feeling knowing that twice each week, he got to spend at least two completely uninterrupted hours with you. And, he got to act! The best thing was that playing Darcy and Elizabeth meant sanctioned making out. No one could fault you for practicing the kiss, or getting into character by flirting.

You’d still requested that he not tell anyone you were dating—well, besides Chan because Jisung couldn’t keep anything from his best friend, even if he wanted to—and he’d honored the request, knowing that, when the time came, everyone would know. Dates and spending time together had to be carefully planned, but didn’t they always?

It was the first week of December and the third week of you—was dating the right word? To Jisung it was. With that day’s rehearsal finished and your coats, scarves, and shoes back on, you caught Jisung’s hand as he made to exit the classroom.

“Hey,” you said softly, “let’s stay here a moment. I want to talk.”

“Okay.” Jisung’s heart raced as he tried not to make any assumptions before you spoke. But one thought kept pushing to the front of his mind: She’s going to leave me.

“Jisung,” you said, looking up at him seriously, “these past three weeks have been so, so lovely. No, Ji, please let me finish. I- Well, I never thought something like this would happen. I didn’t expect someone to treat me like you do, to understand me so well . . . to really care.”

“Of course, I care,” Jisung said, unable to stop himself. You laid a hand on his chest.

“I know, Ji, but this is all so new and different, especially because I thought about you in such a different way for . . ..” You paused, thinking. “Yeah, it was actually years. I’m having to relearn you, Jisung.”

“So, what’s the problem?” Jisung didn’t want to sound angry, but he couldn’t stand the suspense, not if you were going to leave him behind like so much chaff. “Y/N, please just tell me.”

“Well, I want to spend more time with you, Ji!” you said, wrapping your arms around his neck and smiling brightly up at him.

All Jisung could do was stare at you, astonished. He didn’t notice the small trickle of tears leaking from his eyes until you reached up and wiped them away.

“Ji?” you asked, concern evident in your voice.

Jisung couldn’t even speak. He wrapped his arms around you and clung to you, burying his face in your hair. You stroked his hair, murmuring that it was okay and asking what was wrong. It took Jisung a moment to gather himself enough to respond, his relief was so great.

Finally, still holding you in his arms, he said, “Y/N, I thought you were going to dump me. You were so serious and the way you were talking . . . I really thought you were going to end this.”

“Oh, Jisung,” you breathed. “I’m so sorry. No, it’s not that at all. Like I said, I want to spend more time with you because I do like you. I like you a lot—more than I would’ve ever expected. Don’t worry, I’m here to stay, Ji.”

“So, you really want to spend more time with me? To be with me?” Jisung repeated, as if repetition would somehow reveal the truth or catch you in a lie.

“Yes, I do, Jisung. Really.” You were smiling, and Jisung was no match against your smile.

“Oh, thank god.”

You laughed softly, and said, “Rehearsals are a fine place to see you, but I’d feel bad if we used them as an excuse to be together, rather than as actual rehearsal time. I don’t want to worry about someone bursting in on us, you know?”

Jisung had to shake the mental picture of Professor Greystone walking in on you and him kissing—it was, quite frankly, a terrifying prospect. “What if we spent Saturdays together? You could always just come over to my place,” he said hopefully.

You still had your arms around Jisung’s waist, your hands a comfortable but slight pressure at the small of his back. “Hmmm, that might work. I’ll just say that I’m babysitting if anyone asks.” Your eyes went wide. “Shit, what about Chan?”

“Chan usually goes to the recording studio on Saturdays, and I’m sure he’d stay out if I asked him to,” Jisung offered.

Jisung felt you sigh against him. “That would be nice,” you said, sliding your hands into Jisung’s back pockets, “as long as he doesn’t come back at an, um, inopportune moment.”

“Are you planning on there being inopportune moments?” Jisung wiggled his eyebrows at you with a wicked grin on his face.

“Maybe,” you said with a wink, then rested your head against his chest. Jisung loved the feeling of having you so near. “We should go, just in case someone decides to come to the classroom.”

Still thanking his lucky stars that you hadn’t walked away, Jisung hummed in agreement.

*✧･ﾟ*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ

✧ the middle of december ✧ y/n’s point of view ✧

You still weren’t sure how you’d managed to keep the fact that you were dating Han Jisung a secret from Miri. Her usually perceptive nature seemed to be dulled by the stress of impending exams, and, although you hated to see her stressed, you were secretly glad. Your excuse of babysitting on Saturdays so the parents could have a day to themselves had somehow held, especially because, so far, you’d actually gotten homework done with Jisung. You couldn’t guess what you’d tell her if she found out . . ..

Saturdays were now the day you looked forward to all week long. You and Jisung texted constantly, sometimes a little too late into the night, to the point that you had to stuff your blanket in your mouth to stifle your giggles. While you were still nervous about what others would think or say if they knew you were dating Jisung, it didn’t bother you half as much as it used to, and you knew that your fears were, in reality, nothing to worry about. You knew you were being silly, but couldn’t help it. Slowly, you grew more confident about the relationship and almost, just almost, wanted to tell someone.

The first time you went to Jisung’s, Chan was still there, and he winked at you on the way out the door. It made you blush. Later, Jisung told you, in all sincerity, that Chan thought the two of you weren’t doing homework or anything else that didn’t involve a bed. The second time you arrived, Jisung answered the door still in his pajamas with wildly tousled hair. This also made you blush, since Jisung’s idea of pajamas didn’t include a shirt.

Your time with Jisung truly was like a page out of someone else’s life. Whether you watched movies, grudgingly wrote papers, baked, or even just napped together, you considered the time well spent. You’d never had such an easy relationship before, nor one with someone so unfailingly caring. As exams started, being with Jisung calmed you and kept you sane. He always made sure that you both took breaks, even if it was just to scream into a pillow for five minutes. Thankfully, exams passed without any snags.

Both you and Miri headed home for the winter break, since on-campus housing closed unless special accommodations were made. You said goodbye to your best friend, promising to see each other over the break. You’d also made plans to see Jisung, since he was staying with Chan, who lived relatively close to you. You’d told your parents that you had a boyfriend, but weren’t really expecting them to be that fussed. They weren’t. They even offered for Jisung to come stay with you for a bit, and you weren’t about to pass up that opportunity.

On New Year’s Eve, Jisung came to stay with you for a week. A full week! Chan drove him over in the mid-afternoon, and nearly booted him out of the car.

“Go be with your girlfriend, you dork,” he called out the window as Jisung lugged his bag up the walkway to the house.

You’d come to open the door when you’d heard the car pull up, and laughed to see the stricken look on Jisung’s face.

“Come on in, Ji,” you said, kissing his cheek and waving to Chan.

It turned out that your parents loved Jisung. You both thanked any god that would listen for that stroke of luck—you couldn’t imagine what it would’ve been like if they hadn’t. Jisung helped make meals, clean up, and generally participated in your home’s daily life. He seemed to fit perfectly.

Your family’s New Year’s celebrations were simple but joyous, with wishes for health and happiness for everyone. As the clock struck midnight, Jisung spun you around and dipped you, kissing you thoroughly. Holding you in the dip for a moment longer, he whispered in your ear, “Happy New Year, love,” while your mother clapped in the background.

During the lazy evening of New Year’s Day you decided to run your lines together. You might as well take the time you had now to memorize them. Plus, it would be far easier with two people. Pleased that you were holding your promise to yourself to memorize your lines before the spring semester began, you sat cross-legged on your bed, two pillows behind your back.

“Ji, can we try that bit again?” you asked. “Maybe try something like flippant rather than sarcastic, if that makes sense?”

“Yeah, that should work better,” Jisung replied, and began his first scene with you again.

You each did your best to rely on memory rather than the script, although neither of you had really memorized much.

After more fine-tuning of lines, it didn’t take long until Jisung was sprawled on the bed next to you. He was tracing spirals onto your thigh, causing the skin to tingle a little, even though the fabric of your leggings. Somehow, Jisung always managed to deliver his lines perfectly, despite seeming distracted. He’d even wormed his way up the bed so that his head rested on your chest, since you’d also slipped down your support of pillows. Working through scene after scene, you got closer to Darcy’s proposal. By now, Jisung had decided to lay fully on top of you, looking into your eyes as he delivered his lines.

As Elizabeth, you described your misjudgment of Darcy and the folly of both your actions and words. Now more than ever, you felt keenly aware of the similarities between you and Elizabeth Bennet. As you spoke, Jisung slowly kissed up your neck from your collarbone, occasionally nipping at the skin. You threaded one hand through his hair, gently carding it as you continued to read from the script. There was no trying to memorize now. It was getting more and more difficult to concentrate on your lines, especially once Jisung began to pepper your face with light kisses that reminded you of a butterfly dancing across your skin. You felt the heat and pressure of his body radiating to yours, causing your heart to race.

When the time came for Jisung’s lines, he paused to glance at the script just once. Then, he kissed you deeply, taking all the time in the world. His hand slipped under the hem of your shirt.

“My dearest Y/N.” Jisung spoke the first phrase against your lips and you smiled at his substitution of your name for Elizabeth’s.

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do,” he continued. Jisung kissed you again, this time lingering at your mouth before kissing your cheek. With one hand in his hair, the other at his waist, you simply enjoyed the feeling of Jisung’s kisses.

“My feelings will not be repressed.” Jisung pressed his hips more firmly to yours and where his fingers ghosted across your skin were like little lines of fire. You exhaled, almost moaning, and caught his lips with yours.

Releasing your lips, Jisung murmured, “I do not know the month, the day, or the hour I fell in love with you, but my affections have not waned.” Then, as if kissing you were necessary to live, Jisung kissed you again. You nearly forgot that you’d been running lines.

Jisung propped himself up, and between nearly every word of the last sentence, he kissed a different part of you.

“You—he kissed your right temple—must—your forehead—allow—your nose—me—the corner of your lips—to tell you—he kissed the palm of your hand—how ardently—now he kissed your neck—I admire—then, your collarbone as he slid his body lower—and—your now bare shoulder—love you.” Jisung finally kissed your mouth again, and you knew there would be no more running of lines for the rest of the night.

Later in the week, you and Jisung were again occupied in your bedroom. Slipping off to kiss was one of the many things you did together, and today you were tangled together on the bed. You faintly heard a knock on the door downstairs and your father open it, welcoming however it was. You simply continued kissing Jisung, who was doing a very good job at making you breathless.

“Helloooooo,” a familiar voice called on the stairs. “Y/N! You up there?”

You started. Miri.

“Ji. Aaahh,” you gasped. You had to hold Jisung’s head away from your bare shoulder. “Jisung, stop. That’s Miri on the stairs,” you whispered. “Get under the bed—now!

Jisung rolled off the side of your bed with a loud thump as you straightened your shirt and patted down your hair. Quickly getting off the bed, you sat on the floor in front of your bed; thankfully, there was a large compendium of Shakespeare on the floor next to you. You took it up and opened it to a random page: As You Like It—of course, it was the play from which you’d first performed a monologue in college.

Just as you placed the book on your knees, Miri opened your door. “Hey, Y/N. Why didn’t you answer?” She looked down at you. “Oh. Why are you down there?”

“I was reading,” you lied smoothly, and hoped, yet again, that your lips weren’t too swollen from kissing.

“You always do dive into the world of whatever book you’re reading, don’t you. I heard a thump—you good?”

“Yeah. I just accidentally dropped this book off the bed, and then decided to stay down here with it,” you said. You felt Jisung’s hand on your back and you had to stop yourself from jumping at the contact.

“Just wanted to stop by to say ‘Hi,’ and to borrow your textbook from Dramaturgy I. You had to take that, right?” Miri sometimes took theatre classes, and would borrow books from you.

“Oh, yeah. It’s over on the bookshelf,” you said, glad to not have to get up, since you were sure Miri would be able to see Jisung if you did. And, he now hand his hand under the hem of your shirt.

“Thanks! So,” Miri continued as she got the book from the shelf, “what’ve you been up to?”

“Oh, not much. Just been enjoying time with my parents,” you said, trying to inject an air of levity into your voice. You desperately hoped it worked.

“That’s all?” Miri seemed incredulous. “You haven’t been, for example, going on dates or anything?”

You had to force yourself to take a breath before speaking. “Nope, not even dates, Mir.”

“Aw, that’s a shame. You could use a significant other . . ..”

“Well, maybe next semester!” you said brightly. Jisung, thankfully, had taken his hand off your back by now. You looked back down at the page you’d been supposedly reading.

Miri sighed. “You’re still in school mode, aren’t you. Well, I guess there’s no having fun with you when you’re like that.”

You looked up at your best friend, a rueful smile on your face. “Sorry, Mir.”

“It’s okay, babe. How about we get together next week, okay?” Miri said as she left your room.

“Sounds good,” you replied, keeping perfectly still with the smile on your face until you heard the front door open and close.

You let out a the breath you’d been holding and set down the book. Jisung squirmed his way out from under the bed.

He sat next to you with a smirk. “So, where were we?”

You could scarcely believe that you’d only been dating Jisung for a month and a half—it felt much, much longer. As you spent even more time together and, in fact, lived together, it was surprisingly easy to fall into a routine. You had known each other for the past three years, after all. Unlike some couples, you weren’t starting from barely knowing each other, either; yes, you didn’t know the deepest secrets of your hearts (yet), but you had been, at least, known to one another.

And now, you most certainly knew one another.

You and Jisung now had ample time to simply be together. More often than not, you’d be touching, whether holding hands or curled together on the couch. Your favorite thing was falling asleep in Jisung’s arms. It usually happened while you were watching a show or movie, or reading, together. You would lay on top of him, on your back, with his arms around you; you always held your clasped hands to your chest, as if to keep him close to your heart. After you’d fallen asleep like this twice, you realized that you must look like sea otters. In these quiet moments, Jisung’s hands fascinated you. You played with his fingers as your hands were intertwined, running your thumb over his in soft, slow strokes. Or, you’d trace patterns into his skin with your index finger, sometimes writing words across it or just following the lines on his palms.

Just Jisung’s steady breathing and heartbeat lulled you into that pink world between sleeping and waking. If you looked up at him with puppy eyes, he’d hum a little and you’d fall asleep even faster. Though, upon waking, you’d pepper him with kisses anywhere you could reach—his cheeks, chest, biceps, wrists, nose, shoulder, wherever. Just to gently press your lips to his skin was enough for you. Small, simple acts were how you liked to show affection.

You were so comfortable with Jisung now, and, really, you were glad of it. You liked having him as your boyfriend. Your boyfriend. What an amazing idea. If, at this time last year, someone had told you you’d be dating Han Jisung, you would have surely laughed in their face. But now, you couldn’t imagine having it any other way. In the deepest recesses of your heart, you felt love begin to stir.

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hopeatermeetsgodzilla · 3 years

Text

Chapter 15

“-and he’s lived on Mara since then.” Madison finished, Florès humming and nodding in acknowledgment. The younger girl was currently reading the files about the Titans as the mechanic tinkered away on the new model for the ORCA.

It’s size was between the original prototype and the smaller one he had given Emma. This one was supposed to have a wider range of available sounds than just the options to make a Titan stand down or provoke them to a fight. “Damn, that’s a sucky backstory. And you’re telling me Rodan jumping in a volcano in an effort to be with his wife in death may be related to why he can live in one?”

“Yeah. I mean, Mothra can reincarnate.” Madison said with a shrug. “Magic that allowed someone to survive lava doesn’t seem that far-fetched.”

“Magic doesn’t exist.” Florès said, shaking his head as he got up from his chair, walking to the coffee machine and mini-fridge he kept in his office. “It’s just science no one has figured out yet. You want any snack?”

“Chocolate. And how would you explain reincarnation then, uh? Or Isla de Mara just... vanishing without a trace?”

Florès seemed to think for a moment. “Either Mothra is actually a really long family line of moth Titans who leave notes to each other in order to pull the longest scam in history- catch,” He threw a kit-kat at Madison. “-or the theory of genetic memory is actually right. As for Mara, I dunno. Probably something with physics...”

“What would you do if you learned magic was actually a whole science in itself?” Madison asked as she opened the candy. “Would you be mad?”

“I would be mad, yes. What about the last ones?” He asked as he started the coffee machine.

“Alright, so... Ghidorah...” Madison started. “There’s three of them, but we don’t have records of their actual names. But we do have nicknames: One who is Many, Golden Demise, Death Song of Three Storms... wow, there’s a lot.”

“Just give me facts, like with the others- powers, known relationship with other Titans, current whereabouts, and whatever backstory Dr. Chen scrounged up.”

“Alright, so: last seen near Mara, and disappeared at about the same as the Island. Everyone seems to hate them, and the feeling is mutual.” Madison turned to look at Florès, breaking her kit-kat up.

“What about their powers?” Florès asked, pouring himself a cup and coming closer.

“Uh... bio-electrical, energy draining, meteokinesis, flight of unknown nature, suspected to have a high level of telepathy, independency from oxygen...” Madison listed off.

Florès nodded, taking his seat again. “Is it noted somewhere why he doesn’t need oxygen. Like, are they deep-sea weirdos, or something?”

“... Look in the opposite direction.”

“What do you mean, look in the opposite direc- no.”

“... yeah... it says in the ‘myth’ section that they fell from the stars...”

“No no no no no no no- we’re dealing with fucking aliens!?” Madison nodded. “¡Qué cojones...!” Florès snapped, slamming his cup on his desk. His attention then snapped at the unfinished ORCA. “I need to finish this.”

“Most of the myths they’re in also all portray them as malevolent.” Madison added. “Like, ‘inspiration for the Christian Devil’ malevolent.”

“Mmm. Don’t like that.”

“What, you’re Christian?”

“Raised catholic, yeah.” Madison eyebrows shot up to her forehead. “Comes with the territory when you grow up in Venezuela. But I doubt these guys fell from grace, or anything.”

Madison hummed, going back to looking at the computer screen, even if she wasn’t reading anymore. “I talked to one of them, you know?”

“Did you?” She nodded. “How?”

“I... one of them was able to get outside of his body.” Madison started, Florès nodding and taking a sip from his cup. “And he talked to me. Brought me to mom when she came to get me in Antartica. And... told me he and his brothers just wanted to be free.” She buried her face in her hands. “I should’ve trust my instincts, should’ve known he was lying...”

“Well, you’re twelve.” Florès noted, patting Madison on the shoulder. “You can’t know everything. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Plus, you’re not the one who freed him now.” He then turned back toward the ORCA. “If I had been in your mother’s position, I would’ve done the same. And I can guarantee you that your mother would’ve still saved you if she knew all that stuff. So stop blaming yourself for getting kidnapped, alright Russellita?”

“Alright.”

Oh, that rock he was laying on was comfy.

Rodan never wanted to get up, curling up a bit even as he finally opened his eyes. The sun had risen a while ago, indicating he had slept in. Which made sense, seeing as he had stayed up talking and star watching with Ghidorah, who had been... surprisingly nice. They just talked about places they remembered seeing beyond the world Rodan knew, pointing at locations in the sky when it turned dark.

Now that it was locked away from reality, the night sky had gained it’s stars back. He used to think that Ghidorah were vengeful souls back from the dead, but he supposed that stars being a map of the world beyond their own made just as much sense as them being the imprint left by the departed.

Nevertheless, the scenery this morning was still very pretty. With the sun reflecting in the water with thousand of sparkles and illuminating the golden strands of hair around him, it was as if light was bouncing off of everything.

Wait a minute...

Rodan opened his eyes more fully, looked up, and realized with horror that he was laying in Ichi Ghidorah’s lap, who had his hair undone for once and forming a curtain around him. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

Rodan screeched, jumping to stand up and suddenly very awake, only to stumble and land on his ass. “How long have you been watching me!? And why was I sleeping on you!?”

“Since my brothers woke up a while ago. And you fell asleep while we were star watching last night. The ground didn’t look very comfortable, so I moved you.” Ichi answered, still sitting as he leaned toward Rodan, who looked around him with a panicked expression. “You asleep looked like you were agreeing...”

“Okay, don’t manhandle me when I’m unconscious. And where did those two go!?”

“Ni is exploring what’s left of the human settlement. San is looking for rocks.” Ichi answered coolly, hoping the little bird would calm down eventually.

For now, to no avail. “Why are they doing that!?”

“Ni wants to see if there’s any humans left. As for San, he just wants to find rocks.” There was a pause, Ichi debating whether or not he should open up a bit. “He will also inevitably smash one of these rocks on my head as revenge for telling him to do things, but that can’t be helped.”

“... there’s no humans left.” Rodan angrily muttered, finally taking his eyes off Ichi. “They all left some times before you came here, and those that didn’t were probably flung away when I fell for the humans’ bait.”

Ichi raised an eyebrow at that. “Bait?”

“Humans figured out how to create calls.” Rodan explained bitterly. “They used one to bait me into flying into your storm.”

Ichi chuckled. “Oh, we’d have found you either way. The whole reason we came here in the first place is because San wanted to see you.”

“Maybe, but I wouldn’t have had to fight off the three of you in the middle of a raging storm.” Rodan retorted, bringing his knees up to his chest.

Ichi simply shrugged, going into meditation. {Ni, there’s no humans left. They all left before we came here.}

[Are you sure?]

{The little bird told me they left.}

[You’re really just going to believe him?]

{What?}

[What if it’s a trick?]

{What would he get out of lying about that!?}

(Also, he’s telling the truth.)

[Hello, brother San. How do you know that?]

(Hi Ni! Humans have a really strong emotional presence despite being so small and stupid, so they’re really easy to spot. Along with Rodan, we’re the only ones here.)

{And you didn’t tell us anything for some reason because...?}

(I thought you guys already knew! I mean, I get Ni not noticing because he’s so bad at it- no offense-)

[None taken.]

(-but brother Ichi!? You should’ve noticed ages ago.)

{Okay then-}

[Brother San, we haven’t even been there for a full day yet.]

(You know what I mean.)

{You two-}

[Anyway, I think humans figured out electricity, and how to generate it.]

{What!? Are you su-} Ichi was snapped out of his thoughts as he felt something lean on his leg. He opened his eyes, looking down at Rodan. The smaller being was leaning his head on his thigh, eyes closed. Was he... was he sleeping?... no, just resting. {The both of you come back as fast as you can. Ni, bring back some evidence.}

(But-)

{That’s not negotiable, San.} Ichi ignored his brothers as he put his hands on Rodan. One under his back, and the other one under his knees.

Rodan opened his eyes, confused. “What are you- gah!” Ichi had lifted him, only to promptly set him down on his lap. He chuckled as Rodan’s face started glowing brightly, twirling a lock of red hair around his long fingers. “Wha- telling you not to manhandle me when I’m sleeping wasn’t code for ‘do it when I’m awake’-”

“Don’t move.” Ichi told him, fingers carding through long red hair and separating it. “How do you usually style it?”

“Uh... simple ponytail, and I use another twisted strand to keep it together.” Rodan explained hesitantly. He looked down as Ichi started humming a little tune to himself, taking a strand of hair right above his ear and braiding part of it.

“How high do you keep your hair?” Ichi asked Rodan, who hummed in confusion. “I know it’s not high like San’s, but it doesn’t seem to be at the base of your head either.”

“J- just do it however you want.” There was a pause were there was no movement, Rodan fidgeting. He then brought a hand to the back of his head, claws tapping the middle of the back of his skull. “It doesn’t immediately become a problem if it loosen up, that way.”

“You don’t have to be so shy, you know? Why don’t you tell me what happened to you while we were sleeping.” Rodan shrunk on himself at that. Ichi leaned down as the other started debating it to himself, taking the braid within his teeth before lifting a sleeve up. He tied off one of the short ribbons he usually kept for his hair.

“I... became the Fire Guardian.” Rodan finally admitted.

Ichi hummed, starting to gather hair for the ponytail, letting go of the braid in the process. “What happened to the last one? The bird with the colorful feathers... what was her name again?”

“Quetzalcoatl. And she... died. Out of control volcanic eruption, the smoke is what killed her.” Rodan’s voice had broken on that fourth word.

Ichi raised an eyebrow, tying the ponytail with the ribbon. “You two were close?” He was pretty sure the only people Rodan had been close to was Godzilla.

“We met after you guys got sealed.” Was the only context he offered.

“I see...” Better not push the subject for now less San’s plan gets ruined from trying to dig too deep too fast, but it would be interesting ammunitions for later. He tied the braid around the base the ponytail, passing whatever wasn’t braided under it. “Done~”

Rodan hesitantly pat the braid on the side of his head, before shaking his head a bit. It seemed to be holding better than normal. He was about to thank Ichi, before remembering he was still sitting on his lap and jumping off with a yell. This time, he was able to right himself, and looked at him. Since the Ghidorah was sitting down, the two were at mostly the same eye level. He coughed hesitantly, the flush on his face lessening a bit. “Th- thank you.”

“You’re welcome, firebird.” Rodan’s flush immediately came back, his face almost glowing a golden color.

“Still better than ‘little bird’...” He muttered to himself. Rpdan than turned, facing away from Ichi. “I’m going to go for a short flight, ascertain the damage you and your brothers did. Do not try anything while I’m gone, got it?”

Ichi chuckled. “You’re cute when you’re trying to be intimidating. And understood. I’ll be right there when you come back.”

“... Good.” And with that, a strong breeze lifted an extremely flustered Rodan of the ground, leaving Ichi alone and in a good mood.

Said good mood immediately faded away as he felt something collide with his head. He looked to his right, raising an unimpressed eyebrow at Ni who had smashed something made out of wood on his head, “Really?”

“I wasn’t finished searching, and you were getting too touchy-feely.”

“Yes Ni, that’s the plan.” Ichi reminded his brother. “Get close to Rodan in order to manipulate him.”

“You were getting touchy-feely- here’s the human tech.” Ni dumped what was left of the pole on Ichi’s lap. The older brother took a look at it, frowning. Certainly what was needed to transport energy from one place to another, but not enough to not lose any in travel, and there was too many pieces.

“That doesn’t make sense.” Ichi grumbled. “This is too primitive compared to the flying machines they had. It should be more in line with it. The other civilizations we saw always had a consistent level of tech on the entirety of their planets, if not always in line with other civilizations.”

“Not all of them.” Ni reminded him. “You remember the Exif, right?”

“Of course I remember the Exif.” Ichi hissed. The first (and the last) civilization to ‘loan’ Ghidorah from the Xiliens for a period of time that could be counted in years. In this case, for the upper class to intimidate the lower ones into believing their Gods had come to smite anyone who would dare oppose them. And since Gods were supposed to be immortal, they had stayed for several Exif centuries.

But then the Exif ended up believing their own lies, and upon San’s request, found a way to disconnect them from the Conductor. Enveloping their planet in an endless storm and watching it die had given Ghidorah such a rush they just knew that it’s what they had been taken away from their own world for.

“Not sharing everything in an equal manner between all seems like something they would do.” Ni commented. “And humans always lived in small, separated communities with a clear leader. Maybe it became more apparent as time went on? It goes very fast to them, after all.”

Ichi groaned, taking one last, distasteful at the components in front of him. “Still. There’s never that big of a gap in technology on singular planets. If they have figured out space travel, the furthest they would be able to go to is their moon.” A rock landed on the back of Ichi’s head. “Welcome back, San.”

The youngest brother sat down, giggling as Ni gave his own snort. His arms were full of rocks “Sorry, needed to get it out after you interrupted my search for cool rocks.”

“Did you find any cool rocks?”

“Not really...” San whined, handing the rocks to Ichi, who started looking them over. Most of them had the same hard quality as the ground. “You called us back before I could find good ones... oh! But I did find this!” Out of the tissue he usually draped himself with, San got out a glossy black stone that had a powdery, golden sheen to it.

Ni’s eyes widened by a fraction, making a grabby motion for it. When San shook his head, his face soured. “Why?”

“I want to give it to Rodan. Show of goodwill.” San explained. “By the way, where did he go?”

“For a flight. He wants to see how dead his island is.” Ichi answered off-handedly. “Are you sure that plan of yours is going to work? Fire bird has... quite the temper. He might not break if we tell him the humans were the ones who did this.”

“Someone angry at us but more at our target is still easier to use than someone who’s just angry at us.” San replied, before frowning. “Also, I thought he was ‘little bird’?”

“’Fire bird’ sounds less insulting than ‘little bird’.” Ichi answered, shrugging. “Like you said, show of goodwill. That, and doing his hair.”

“... Brother San, give me that rock.”

“No, Ni!”

“It’s not for me. I want to be the one giving it to the fire bird.” Ni answered. Upon his brothers’ confused faces, he continued. “It’s easy for the both of you to pretend to be nice- oblivion, San is actually nice. It’s not for me. But the plan isn’t going to work well if it doesn’t seem like I’m at least trying to be nice. So?”

After a few seconds, Sa handed the stone to Ni, the message in his eyes obvious. Don’t screw this up.

We cannot screw this up.

#writing #my writing #oc #my oc #madison russel #ghidorah #King Ghidorah #ichi ghidorah #ni ghidorah #san ghidorah #kevin ghidorah #rodan #rodorah #Godzilla #godzilla gijinka

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t-lostinworlds · 4 years

Text

Green-Eyed (Tom Holland)

A/N: This was supposed to be short but I got carried away as always. I don’t think this is the best I’ve written but I’m hoping it’s not as shit as the usual aha. Also to the anon I’m sorry if this took a lil longer than expected hun. Hope you still like it! <3

Pairing: Tom Holland x Fem!Reader

Requested:

Warnings: A dick-ish (if u squint) jealous!Tom and typos.

Word Count: 3.6k

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

"Pretty please?" Tom dragged out his last word as he rested his head sweetly on your shoulder, sporting his best puppy-dog eyes with bottom lip pouted to make it harder for you to resist him.

You groaned in dismay as you threw your head back on the couch, eyes screwed shut to try and ignore the face of your handsome but very annoying best friend. "Why me Tom? And why'd you ask me this so fucking last minute?"

Tom has decided to tell you just now that there's a charity gala tomorrow, and that he wants you to be his plus one. Countless of a-list celebrities would be there to support different causes, so imagine the upmost dread you're feeling just thinking about joining Tom when that wasn't even your type of crowd, when you've never been to an event like it to begin with. Plus, you know he will have friends there too, if he hangs out with them, what would you do then?

The event tomorrow starts at six p.m., and he's just told you this now, clock showing eight-thirty p.m., who would not be annoyed? Better yet, who wouldn't be terrified?

"You're my best friend, you're the one I want to the there with. Come on, it's for charity, you never say no to charity."

This motherfucker...

You turned to him with a glare, arms crossed over your chest at his foul play. "You're not playing fair you know that."

Tom sat straight back up, body turned fully to face you, eyes still showing the same gleam as he pressed his palms together, resting it under his chin to beg. "Just please? You won't feel left out I promise. I'll be right there with you all night." He reassures as if he was able to read your mind, but being friends for long enough, you had no doubts that he probably could, to an extent of course.

Let's be honest, there was no way you'd say no. One, it's for charity; and two, it's Tom for heaven's sake, you never can. But the fact that you are simply unprepared to go to an event like this, it's daunting.

"I don't even have anything to wear."

Tom only chuckled sheepishly at that, hand coming up to rub on his shoulder, a nervous tick of his you've grown to adore, even if you've been trying so hard not to.

Got to have those boundaries.

"Uh, I already bought you a dress and Christine is going to help you with everything else. So please say yes." He shot you the brightest smile he could muster, one where it showed his rows of teeth with his eyes all crinkled. You blinked at him in deep surprise.

He already had this thought out huh?

"You are unbelievable Holland." You grumbled.

Tom chuckled in response, smug grin in play as he wriggles his brows at you. "Now, will you do me the honors of coming to the gala with me Y/N?" You rolled your eyes at him, sighing in disbelief but nodded anyway.

"Fine."

And just like the kid that he is, Tom threw his hands up in the air, shouting a 'yay' in pure glee before wrapping his arms around your rigid form to give you a tight squeeze, you playfully pushing him away in feign annoyance.

You were still nervous. How can you not be when you have no idea what to expect during this gala, who you were going to meet, but with one look at this stupid boy—who is also a big celebrity which you tend to forget—beside you, you felt yourself relax a little.

How bad can it be?

***

"Wow."

Tom gushed, the phone he had on hand lowering ever so dramatically, tearing his eyes off of the screen to scan you from head to toe. You felt your cheeks warm at his reaction. "Does it look okay?"

"Okay? You look fucking gorgeous. I knew I picked the right dress." He exclaimed all proud, sauntering over to you looking incredibly handsome himself, the color of his suit—not exactly matching—but coordinating with yours just right.

"You did."

Best believe you're the last person to stroke this man's ego, but you have to give credit where credit is due, he did pick the right dress.

It was a short, red satin dress with the waist embezzled with a silver crystal belt. The back was bare along with a plunging v-neckline to match, making it look sexy and classy at the same time. And the fact that it fitted you perfectly, it made you feel elegantly beautiful in the most sophisticated way.

How has Tom managed to get you the perfect size? He "borrowed"—his choice of word when you insisted he stole it—one of your dresses and used it as a guide. A clever boy.

Your hair was up in a messy bun, small curls falling freely to frame your face, one that sported just enough make up just to enhance your natural beauty and not make it look superficial.

"Damn, I can't take my eyes off of you." Tom muttered under his breath, eyes still glued to your figure and you can't stop your heart from skipping a beat at that.

Whether he meant to say that out loud, you don't know, unable to decide if he was playing with you in a best-friend-banter kind of way or if there was an underlying meaning in his tone, but you can't seem to think about that now. Not when the nerves were already eating you up inside out just thinking about the event, thinking about which celebrity you were going to meet and if you weren't going to make a big fool out of yourself, so you cleared your throat.

"Tom quit ogling we're going to be late."

Tom shook his head with a shy chuckle, blush prominent on his cheek as he made way for you with a curtsy. "After you mi lady."

"Thank you Christine!" Tom called out before both of you were out the door, him helping you in his car like the gentleman that he is and then driving towards this most awaited gala.

***

You were actually having fun.

Tom has introduced you to a few of his 'famous' friends and you were delighted to see that they were just as sweet and kind. You've met a couple artists here and there too, just casual conversations, one after the other, you and Tom going through it together as he's never left your side the moment you two arrived, just as promised.

That until he decided to get you a drink.

Standing in your place you looked around the extravagant hall of the humongous mansion—or castle more like it—admiring the huge chandeliers that adorned the ceiling along with the beautiful murals that coated the space. You were busy appreciating the artwork that you didn't notice someone was approaching until they spoke.

"Hi, I'm Calum." Startled, you let out a small squeak as you looked for the owner of the voice, eyes meeting brown ones and you felt your whole face heat up once you recognized who it was.

Calum Hood from 5 Seconds of Summer, the band you've been a big fan of for how many years now.

You shook his hand with a shy smile, whole body going timid once he gave it a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Oh, hi, uh Y/N, and yes I know who you are. I love your new album."

"Oh really, thank you so much." Calum chuckled with a grateful nod, eyes looking at you in a way that's made the butterflies in your stomach tingle a little.

"I don't mean to come off weird but I saw you just standing there and you look really beautiful and I needed to say hi." You blinked, surprised at his words.

What kind of fanfiction is this?

You flashed him a sweet smile, a small giggle coming out of you as you responded bashfully. "Thank you. You look really good too."

The conversation just took off from there. You asked him about their new music while he asks you anything mundane that comes to his mind. You keep on laughing at something clever or stupid he had said, proximity just close enough to prove that you were having a great time. When you finally calmed down, Calum cleared his throat, hand rubbing behind his neck nervously.

"Mind if I get you a drink?"

Before you could even do as much as move your mouth to give him an answer, a deep voice spoke just behind you,

"I'm sorry but she already has one."

Your head snap back to see Tom, face stern with jaw clenched tightly, a certain glint coating eyes. The obvious anger you can see yes, but there's something else mixed with it, one you couldn't pinpoint as to what exactly it is yet.

"Ah, Mr. Tom Holland. Nice to meet you mate." Calum greeted politely, the bloke already knowing that you came here with Tom having that you've told him.

"Likewise." Tom's lips only quirked up just a tad bit as he took Calum's hand with a tight grip, not too obvious but you noticed it nonetheless. Calum only chuckled with a knowing nod, giving Tom a certain look— like he realized something you haven't—before turning to you with a charming smile.

"I'll leave you two to it. It was nice meeting you Y/N." Calum says as he pulls you in for a warm hug, your arms wrapping around him with a small squeeze in return as you responded with just as much delight. "You too Calum."

You watched him walk away, Calum giving you one last look over his shoulder with a small wave before disappearing into the crowd.

"Well, there goes my daydream of being a musician's girlfriend, touring around the world while singing their songs in the crowd and being their number one fan." You joked, but Tom didn't find even the tiniest of humor in your statement. In fact, it only made him angrier, nostrils flaring as he gave you a pointed eye roll.

You furrowed your brows at him, utter confusion covering you from head to toe at the look of pure disdain on your best friend's features. "What's up with you?"

"Nothing." Tom shrugged, eyes never meeting yours since the moment he got back from fetching you a drink, said drink that's in his hand but by the looks of it, he has no plan on giving it to you, not even his full attention.

"Well, it surely doesn't look like it's nothing Tom." You frowned at him in concern, hand going up to give him comfort but he blatantly rejected the gesture.

"Let's call it a night, I'm not feeling well." He grumbled, not even waiting for an answer as he quickly turned on his heel and walked away. You tried your best to catch up with him, following closely behind with nothing but bewilderment plastered on your face, still oblivious to the reason of his sudden change in attitude.

"Tom, slow down a sec." He ignores, still walking at a fast pace, not having any sense of empathy at the fact that you were wearing high heels. That's when you felt your anger boil too.

"You know what. Fuck it, if you're going to be a bitch for no goddamn reason then I'm taking a cab." You hissed, and that made him stop. Tom took one deep breath before turning sideways, offering you his arm to hold, gaze still avoiding yours at all costs.

You rolled your eyes and moved ahead, too much pride coursing through you to let his bitchy attitude slide, making sure to bump his arm purposely as you quickly made your way to the parking lot with Tom now following you.

***

The ride home was silent to the point that it was deafening, Tom not paying you any mind as if you weren't there at all.

You now understand that he was angry at you, fuming even. If the way his face was practically red up to the tips of his ears, the way you can practically feel the heat radiate off him wasn't a dead giveaway, then, the tight grip he had on the steering wheel and the speed the car was going, would be.

But as to why exactly that is? You have no fucking idea. As far as you know, you did absolutely nothing wrong.

Letting out a deep sigh, you turned your body to face him fully, just wanting to get this over and done with. "Tom, tell me what's going on."

"It's nothing." He muttered under his breath, eyes dead set on the road ahead. You scoffed. "Don't fucking lie to me."

"I said it's fucking nothing now leave me the fuck alone." Tom barked, the car lurching forward at his sudden burst of frustration.

You were never one to sit still and take bullshit, especially when it's Tom being a dickhead. When that happens due to whatever reason, you're for sure the one the first one to call him out on it. Besides, him driving this fast while angry is never safe.

"That's it, pull over."

"What—"

"Pull over or I'm going to open this fucking door without hesitation." Tom groaned, fully infuriated but did as told knowing you were nowhere near playing, just the tone you had, he wasn't going to risk it.

Once he put the car in park you shot him a glare, voice stern as you ordered. "Get out of the fucking car Tom."

He didn't say another word of protest as he harshly took his seatbelt off and got out of the car, slamming the door shut to make a point of how mad he was.

You were glad the place where the gala was held was detached from the city, a forty-five minute drive to the nearest highway, so the road was pretty much deserted, nothing but endless trees in view. The only source of light was a couple of street lamps, the car's headlights and the bright, full moon that shone high above.

You followed him out and in front of the car, leaning your weight on the hood as you stared at the tensed back of your best friend.

"Now tell me what the fuck is going on with you." When he didn't even do as much as turn around you growled in warning.

"Thomas."

"Alright!" With one deep breath, he finally turned to face you, jaw still set as he shoved both of his hands in the pockets of his slacks, a two-second pause before he finally spoke.

"I'm just frustrated, angry and fucking annoyed." Tom's voice turned low, his eyes casted on the grass where he was standing on, just two feet away from your place on the car.

"At me?"

He sighed, taking sharp intakes of breaths before finally lifting his head up to meet your eyes, so many emotions swimming in his brown ones with a frown on his lips to complete his whole troubled look.

"No, not entirely at least. I'm just, I left you for a second and when I came back the next thing I know you're having such a great time, laughing and flirting with this Calum guy—"

"Calum Hood."

"I don't fucking care what his last name is." Tom snapped, and that's when everything fell into place for you, lips pursed as you tried your best not to break into a smile.

"What is so wrong with me flirting with him Tom?"

The boy lets out a exasperated sigh at that, hand coming up to run through his hair in frustration that it made a curl go astray, a tasteful sight to you especially with him all agitated.

"I just didn't like the way it made me feel okay? Just seeing you laughing at his jokes, getting so close to him at times, just seeing you with someone else I just, it's just—"

"It makes you jealous?" You finished his sentence for him, your heart pounding due to excitement, warmth filling you up at the thought of your best friend getting riled up just thinking about you with another guy, because you feel just the same when you see him with another girl.

"Yes goddammit! It makes me so fucking jealous!" Tom exclaimed, all fucks thrown out the window as every feeling his been bottling up for years now comes bursting out, spilling right on the brim. "It was hard as is trying to fend off these guys who can't stop staring at you, who won't stop hovering over you because by the gods above you look absolutely breathtaking tonight. I really can't blame them because you stole the whole room, but it doesn't make me feel any less frustrated."

"Frustrated on what Tom?" You asked softly, his gaze cutting off with yours as he lets out a sigh, hands falling limp on his sides as he looked up at the starry sky.

"Frustrated because I wanted nothing more than to pull you closer to me, to wrap my arm around your waist to make them back off, but I couldn’t, I had no right to. I wanted to make them see that you're there with me so they need to fucking scram, but what power do I have? I'm just your best friend." Tom was pacing now, going on a full on rant with his hands swinging about to express his emotions and you let him. You sat still and watched as he pours all his heart out, watched with a stupid wide grin on your lips.

"But I want to be more than that Y/N. I don't want to be just your best friend and tonight just slapped me in the fucking face that I genuinely don’t want to be with anyone else but you. But then you went and said that you wanted to be a musician's girlfriend, it just made me so mad and hurt and just—" He stopped himself, head hanging low as he tried to regain his breathing.

You shook your head at the boy with sigh. "I was kidding Tom. I don't want to be a musician's girlfriend; I want to be an actor's, the one who plays Spider-Man to be quite specific."

The way his head shot up so quick to look at you in pure shock made you laugh, hopeful brown orbs staring you down as he made his way towards your spot on the car. You uncrossed your legs as you let him in between them, let him move even closer until his hands took home right on your waist, giving them a tender squeeze as a smug grin slowly formed on his lips.

"You mean—"

"You know, Andrew Garfield, I heard he's single again." You shrugged casually, teasing smirk in play, your little revenge for him being kind of a dick just earlier. Tom's head fell forward to land on your shoulder, arms wrapping fully around your form with a proper whine.

"Y/N."

You let out a hearty laugh, cupping his face with both hands as you pull him off of you, just enough to be able to look at those lovely brown orbs, his bottom lip all jutted out making him look unbearable adorable.

"Of course I meant you, you idiot. There no one else I want to be with other than you Tom." A sweet chuckle escaped Tom's lips as he pressed his forehead against yours, vicinity rightly close to be able to let the tips of your nose brush against each other.

"How are you so beautiful?" Tom sighed in pure adoration. You didn't respond with words, you just tilted your head a little to place your lips right on his, satisfied breaths ringing in your ears as the two of you cherished the feeling that you've been craving for far too long, mouths fitting perfectly like two puzzle pieces, a kiss filled with nothing but utter bliss, pure love.

"I love you." Tom whispered the moment you pulled away, eyes showing not but sincerity and you felt your heart grow ten times its usual size. You hummed, fingers playing with his hair on the nape of his neck fondly. "And I love you, you jealous dork."

With a few more kisses under the moonlight—some sweet and chaste, some not so much—the cold air finally got to the both of you, making your way back inside the car with wide smiles, unable to wipe them off.

"Let's go back to the gala?" Tom grinned, left hand steering while the other sat warmly on top of your thigh, a gesture so sweet until he decides to give it a teasing squeeze every now and then. "What, so you can reintroduce me to everyone, now as your girlfriend and not your best friend?" You joked to which Tom only shrugged with a hum. "I don't see why not."

You shook your head at your man, squaring your shoulders as you said nonchalantly. "I mean, if you want to it's okay. The matching pair I have under this dress can wait."

Tom choked at that, tearing his eyes off the road to give you a swift glance to see if you were serious or not. You only shot him a knowing wink in response, lips curved up teasingly, but nowhere did it show on your face that you were lying with what you just said.

That's made you arrive back home in lesser time that's for sure.

-:-:-:-:-

Like, Reblog & Leave a Comment if you enjoyed! Let me know what you think! <3

Tom H. Taglist: @spacebitch2 @hollanddolanfangirl @keepingupwiththehollands

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kissmetae · 5 years

Text

Cover up

x Taehyung

❧ AU: GANG!AU || You’re the leader of one the most powerful gangs but nobody knows. How come and why? You may wonder. Well, it’s a long story but to make it short it’s to protect the love of your life Kim Taehyung, your boyfriend and marionette posing as the leader. The fact that you’re the real leader is not the only thing you’re hiding thought… Your relationship is also a big secret.

A secret Taehyung doesn’t want to keep anymore.

The gang and the relationship are separated for him, but you’re struggling and as a sudden threat and traitor reveals themselves within the gang, you’re forced to re-think your decisions once and for all in order to protect Taehyung, make him happy and to protect the gang.

For being the leader, you were used to pulling the strings behind the scenes but when the strings suddenly get tangled and snatched from you, you are faced with having to confront yourself about which strings you can set free and which you should grip onto tighter.

|| ANGST + smut | 20.3k | x reader | masterlist in bio ||

❧ Disclaimer: This is fiction. Actions and events in these stories are often exaggerated and to a certain degree unrealistic. Please have this in consideration when reading fiction, especially if it includes sexual content.

❧ Rating: EXPLICIT || sexual content, unprotected sex, bad language, violence, blood, panic attacks, kidnapping, torture, use of guns

❧ Smut features: (In no particular order + contains multiple segments) Semi-public, being seen (unknowingly), dom/top!Tae, in the shower, multiple positions, on a table, from behind, wild descriptive oral, rough sex/love making, Nipple/breast play against the wall, standing seesaw position, groans and moans, in privacy and so so so much more... [Trademark mention of cum and creampie guarantee]

❧ A/N: Features cameos of a few other members! (Can you guess the sniper?)

You pulled up by the harbor and got out of the car.

The cool air from the ocean made you shiver a little, but it was bearable.

You were wearing a high waist skirt together with your zipped up leather jacket, a jacket that you wore with pride. Across the shoulder blades was the familiar logo that decorated each of your jackets.

You walked together with the one who always accompanied you towards the blue medium sized warehouse building near the docks.

He was always by your side and you were rarely seen apart.

He unlocked the front door to the building and held it open for you and followed you up the stairs to the second level.

The lights were all off, indicating that you were likely alone which was somewhat unusual considering this was your main hangout…

You pushed the large door open and entered the large dark room on the upper level with him following you from behind.

Inside were various tables along the walls and some storage units. In the center was a large conference table with chairs messily assembled around it.

“Is nobody here?” his deep voice questioned.

You hoped not…

“Let’s look around, I don’t think so though.”

After vaguely searching the upper level you came to the conclusion that you were indeed alone.

“Taehyung?” You called out his name for him to come over.

“Yeah?” He walked over to you in the center of the room, dressed in the same jacket as your own with a black t-shirt beneath tucked into his black ripped jeans.

In one of the hoops for the belt he had tied a colorful bandana but today his hair was messily pulled back.

You took a step closer to him once he stopped and he watched you with a sweet smile.

You rarely wore your jacket zipped up, but there was a reason for you not to today… With a confident hand you grabbed the zipper and pulled it down, exposing your black lace bra beneath.

The sweet smile was quickly replaced by a smirk and a second later your lips collided in a heated make out.

You walked him backwards, aiming for the nearest wall but in the last minute his strong hands by your waist twirled you around, making your back hit the wall.

He grabbed your jacket and slid it off your shoulders, making it fall to the floor. With his index and middle finger he hooked under your bra straps and pulled them off your shoulders before yanking your bra down to your waist to expose your chest.

Your lips parted and you were breathing heavily as a result from the kiss but also due to the excitement…

He pushed you harder against the wall and cupped your breasts, squeezing them tight. You were well aware of his fondness for not only that area itself, but yours in particular…

He leaned down slightly and latched on to your left nipple and begun to suck at it gently, causing you to lean your head back against the wall in pleasure.

His hands were fondling and kneading your breast passionately, almost desperately… His own arousal was making his breathing uneasy and he let go of your hardened bud by accident but returned to it just as quickly as he first attacked it, licking around it and sucking even harder, pushing his face closer and squeezing tighter, all to have you let out the soft moan he longed for to hear.

His thumb began to caress your other nipple to warm it up for the full attention of his mouth it would get soon and you enjoyed every motion and touch he gave you…

But you weren’t alone.

“Fuck, I love you so much baby.” Taehyung groaned.

The shadow left unnoticed.

He hadn’t been there for long when he suddenly heard sounds that indicated he wasn’t alone anymore… he walked towards the main room to reveal his presence but quickly came to a halt when he almost walked in on the scene of the gang leader pleasuring one of the members…

But not any member…

The member closest to the leader.

The two most dangerous, most intimidating and respected people of the gang…

Everyone knew they were close but there had never been a thought about the possibility of something else going on between you and Taehyung until now.

He began to suck on your right nipple but you quickly had enough and placed your hands on his shoulder to push him away. He stood up straight and looked at you with slight confusion before having to catch you as you jumped up on him, wrapping your legs around his waist.

He chuckled and carried you over to one of the table along the sides of the room and placed you down carefully on your back.

His hands slid up your thighs, moving your skirt up along with the strokes and then grabbing the hem of your panties and sliding them down and off your legs following you kicking your heals off.

He stood between your thighs and leaned down, placing a hand by the side of your neck and pressing his lips against your collarbone.

“You’re so sexy… I can’t get enough of you…” He mumbled between the kisses and then stood back up again.

With a strong grip he pushed your thighs further apart and kneeled down.

Despite expecting what would happen he still managed to catch you by surprise with the touch of the tip of his tongue against your sensitive clit.

His grip grew stronger and he moved your legs to his shoulders as his tongue began to explore up and down your slit before poking at your entrance.

Your hands were in tight fists as a result from the torturing pleasure of his tongue.

You exhaled deeply, accidently letting out a moan but not stopping it…

He deserved to hear how good he made his leader feel.

It was late, but you could never know when someone would show up especially not when the two of you were in…

You were becoming sore and aching and the excitement from risking to be caught was slowly turning into stress.

Taehyung stood back up again and whipped the back of his hand over his mouth with a wide smirk before reaching for his belt.

He quickly unbuckled it and unzipped his jeans, giving relief for the strain against the fabric and pulled them down in one with his boxers, exposing his thick erection.

You teasingly licked your lips.

It was a sight you’d seen before but you never got tired of…

“If we weren’t here you know I would’ve sucked you off.”

His smirk went shy and he pulled you further down the table.

“Don’t make too much sound baby, I know it’s hard for you but you never know who is eavesdropping and those sweet sounds of yours… are only for me.”

He positioned the tip of cock by your entrance and thrusted in deep, making you grab the sides of the table for dear life as you whimpered.

It felt so good when he stretched you out like this… reminding you each time of how big he was.

You were already wet and aroused but you could feel yourself get even more soaked with desire at the sudden stretch.

He began to rock his hips back and forth carefully while his hands held your own hips to keep you in place. Your legs were tight by his sides, almost as if to trap him…

It didn’t take long until he picked up his pace and started thrusting faster and harder and getting heavy breathed…

He grunted in a desperate attempt to suffocate his moans.

Usually he was so vocal and loud you wouldn’t even question if the neighbors of your shared home could hear. They surely could and he wasn’t ashamed of it.

His hands pressed down on your hips and he bit his lip hard.

“I’m so close.” He looked burdened.

You let go of the table with one hand and reached down to draw your fingers over your clit to help yourself.

You knew him all too well… he was hard on himself. If you came first or came together he would be pleased, but if he came first he would beat himself up, despite you telling him numerous times that it didn’t matter to you… all you wanted was to make love to him.

But you tried for his sake and of course it was as easy as said thanks to the build-up and your over-sensitive pearl…

You moaned softly and curled your toes as he started pounding into you harder, unable to hold back his groans much more.

“Are you going to cum in me baby?” You asked in a sultry tone.

He grinned in a cocky manner.

“I don’t want to ruin your beautiful skirt baby.” He panted.

You giggled and moved your fingers faster, making your thighs tense up and for your giggle to turn into another whimper, driving him insane at the sight of you touching yourself as he fucked you…

You lost control over your breathing and Taehyung thrusted slower and harder, making your hand return to the edge to hold on as all your muscles and sensations tightened before letting go off you for your orgasm, making you forget where you were and let out a moan of relief.

A few more thrusts and Taehyung pushed himself in as deep as he could and released along with a faint curse falling from his lips.

The two of you were breathless.

After a while of regaining control you pushed yourself up on your elbows and Taehyung leaned down to kiss your lips passionately and moving his hands from your lower body to around your waist to help support your exhausted body.

He carefully pulled out, leaving you with an empty feeling for your core to pulsate around…

You could feel as some of his cum spilled out on the edge of the table beneath you.

After another kiss he let go of you and pulled up his underwear and jeans again before helping you on with your panties and heals.

He grabbed your hand and helped you off the table like a gentleman.

“I’ll grab your jacket.” He said shyly as you readjusted your bra.

You whipped the table off with your hand and walked over to the small bathroom in the corner of the room to clean your hand off.

Taehyung appeared in the door a few second after with your jacket in his hands and held it up for you to slide your arms into it and put it on.

You checked yourself out in the mirror quickly and fixed a few strand of your hair when Taehyung suddenly leaned in by your side and kissed your cheek softly.

“You look beautiful.”

Since nobody was there you headed back early after collecting what you initially went there for, along with your secret surprise for Taehyung that couldn’t wait until the two of you got home…

But you knew how to have him melt for you…

There were many ways but having him know you had walked around the entire day shirtless, with nothing but your bra under your jacket for him was something that never failed to turn him on… as well as have you feel excited about the secret only you knew about…

Speaking of secrets…

There was one secret you and Taehyung had kept from the gang since the very beginning.

Why?

To protect you.

Your position involved many things but one of the worse consequences was the danger it put you in.

As a gang leader one is automatically a target, along with the people close to them.

Taehyung wasn’t the leader.

But that was everybody else’s truth and thought of him as.

He spoke for the leader and the leader pulled all strings.

The real leader was you.

Another reason as to why you and Taehyung were never seen apart... You were the leader and he was your marionette as well as your protector and right hand, but since a few years back he was also your lover and the love of your life.

Something you worked even harder to hide from the others.

If it leaked out to the wrong person you could become a target in order to get to Taehyung, but for rival gangs to directly attack the leader was against unwritten law… the gang code some would call it.

The second whoever would cause you harm would do so and their leader would find out that you were the actual leader it would be a death sentence for them.

The most lawful gangs would shun anyone who broke the code in order to keep peace among the gangs but some other gangs barely gave a fuck… all they wanted was power and assets and to become a bigger and more powerful gang.

Of course the more powerful your gang was, the more influence you had and the more business you had.

Thus, your gang wasn’t the easiest to become a member of as the most powerful gang of them all.

You had levels.

The newbies, the members, the loyal and the inner circle.

The newbies were people of interest, they were technically members in form of having protection but they weren’t official yet… meaning that they hadn’t gained the full trust of the inner circle yet.

Once you became a member you would be given the jacket and benefits of being a part of the gang.

For newbies to call themselves members of the gang was highly controversial and made them look bad in the eyes of the inner circle and the loyal.

You had a tradition each time a newbie became a member, like a ceremony or gang baptizing.

Up until that point the newbies had to behave and act on their tippy toes about anything and everything. You had eyes everywhere looking out for the newbies.

The process wasn’t easy to say the least.

The inner circle consisted of You, Taehyung and the representative for the loyal.

To become a loyal you would need years of experience and to have worked hard or likely done something extraordinary enough to be labelled as a loyal.

The loyal were the ones who the inner circle would take into consideration the most when it came to everything and anything. To put it simple, they were a kind of VIP member of the gang and highly trusted. Their jackets all had a special patch on the arm to mark them as loyal level of the gang and they had more individual power and benefits than any other apart from the inner circle.

You and Taehyung arrived back home with his hand placed softly on your thigh while he was driving.

He parked the car in the garage level of your apartment complex and you took the elevator up to the top floor where your spacious penthouse was located.

Being the leader came with its financial benefits…

The second you stepped inside of the bright spacious place you kicked your heels off and unzipped your jacket again, hanging it on one of the hooks on the wall.

For your safety, the two of you both had hidden identities and used alibies in anything public you did, such as buying estate or travelling.

You worked hard to not only keep yourself safe, but Taehyung as well.

You couldn’t even imagine what you’d do if something were to happen to him… and it was never wrong to be a step ahead and be a bit extra cautious…

“Honey?” Taehyung called after you as you walked towards the lounge area.

“Yeah?” You turned around to face him.

“Are you going to walk around like that?” He smirked, still stood in the hallway and taking off his own jacket.

You looked down as if to pretend that you had forgotten what you were wearing.

“Oh.”

You turned back around again and unhooked your bra from behind, pulling it off dramatically and throwing it to the floor as you continued towards the lounge.

You could hear his familiar laugh behind you as you went to sit on the sofa in front of the fireplace.

Of course there was no fire burning but you were considering standing up to light one, but before you knew it Taehyung leaned down over the sofa from behind by your side.

“Do you want to join me in the shower baby?” He whispered and placed a kiss against your cheek.

An offer you never denied…

You stood up, covering your bare chest with your arms and walked around the sofa to him. He picked you up with ease, making you giggle and carried you with him to the large bathroom.

The second he put you back down his hands slid down the sides of your body and pulled your skirt and panties off. The cold air in the bathroom made your nipples hard, still hidden by your arms.

Taehyung grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it up and over his head. He noticed soon how small goosebumps were forming on your skin.

“Baby go in if you’re cold, I’ll join you in a second.” He smiled and nodded towards the shower.

You wanted to watch him get undressed… but the cold was getting worse so you opted for the shower and switched it on, causing a rainfall of warm water to fall over your back, making you shiver even more as the warmth took over your body.

You heard the sound of Taehyung’s clothes falling to the floor and a brief moment later you felt him press himself against your back and wrap his arm around your waist while the other hand moved your hair to the side so he could attack you neck with his lips…

You couldn’t help but giggle and slip his name in a gentle whisper.

His hand by your waist began to travel south and he pushed you forward, making your chest press against the cold tiles. His fingers found your clit and began drawing circles around it, making you let out a soft gasp.

He rested his chin against your shoulder and began to whisper in your ear.

“Tell me how good it feels baby… let me hear what I couldn’t hear before… “ He placed a kissed at your neck again.

“Let me know how much you crave me… how much you want me to fuck you…”

“I indirectly promised you a blowjob, did I not?” You asked, turning your face to the side slightly.

He hummed.

“You did… I love your pretty lips around me baby but I want this to be all about you for now…”

“Are you going to deny me the right?”

“When we’re home honey…” He moved even closer to your neck, his words causing light tickles against your skin.

“… You’re not in charge.”

He loved to use that against you just as much as you loved to use it against him…

It was purely playful of course.

The fight for control and dominance was fun, but sometimes it was just nice to let go and have the other take the lead…

Either way, you trusted Taehyung full-heartedly.

His hands moved to your back side and caressed your butt cheeks gently as his lips continued to attack your neck.

Every now and then he “accidently” made sure you could feel his hard on brush against your bare skin.

His soft humming continued and he pushed himself even closer, trapping you between the tiles and his warm body.

Soft touches caressed you from the hips and up, sliding across the curve from yours outer thighs to your waist, complimenting your figure with a simple touch and no words. Like a language of his own he would let his hands travel to feel and fondle each area he liked particularly much, or whatever area he wanted to dedicate extra attention to in the moment…

His hands moved down over your hips again and stroked their way to your front, up your abdomen slowly and lovingly before his hands landed at your breasts. His hands slipped between the walls and your hard buds, protecting them from the cold with his large hands.

“Cold?” He teased and pinched them gently, making you clench your fists in response as your insides began to ache more...

With a quick maneuver he suddenly let go and instead grabbed your shoulders, rotating you 180 and pushing your back against the wall before completely removing any space left between you…

“I missed seeing your face.” He pouted, tilting his head to the side.

A mere second later his lips were caught up with passionately kissing your own as your hands found their way into his damp hair.

Playfully, he managed to get his arms wedged between your back and the wall and pulled you along under the falling water, forcing you to close your eyes and giggle as the water drenched both of you.

The kiss was impossible to break, sweet and playful at the start but getting more heated by the second… rougher, tongues touching, speaking for the building craving between your thighs and his erection pressing firmly against you…

You tried keeping your will under restraint, withdrawing the intuition to reach down and caress his dick with your hands… yet they managed to fall from his wet hair to his shoulders.

Taehyung suddenly pulled away from the kiss, short of breath and pulled his hand through his hair to get his hair away from his face.

“I want to eat you out.” He panted, eyes full of lust.

Wouldn’t it be hard to do so in the shower? You thought, but seemingly he had a plan…

Away from the falling water, you back made contact with the tiles again and Taehyung kneeled down in front you.

“Put your leg over my shoulder.” He ordered, sliding his hands up your left leg to guide you.

Slightly hesitant, yet curious you did as told and hooked your leg over his shoulder. Before you had the chance to react he suddenly leaned in closer, pressing one hand against your standing leg for support and the other against the wall before he tilted his head and pressed his lips hungrily against your heat.

Your hands attempted to grip against the wall, desperate for balance from the sudden shock and wave of arousal. The first few seconds it almost felt like a dare to be able to look down at the wet mess of hair belonging to your love… between your thighs.

His grip against your thigh tightened and he pushed himself closer, poking at you entrance with his tongue and making you fail to suppress another moan.

What he was doing was driving you crazy… The sensation and feeling sure, but the sight itself was unexplainable.

His other hand slipped from the wall to your hip and he groaned softly, sending gentle vibrations through your aching body.

The sounds of the rain of the shower mixed with the wet sounds of his lips against your lower did nothing to help growing desperation for more.

His hand suddenly moved in under your leg over his shoulder, pushing it higher for him to reach further… forcing you onto your tippy toes for him.

“You taste so good baby…” He groaned.

You bit your lip, leaning your head back against the tiles as it all became too overwhelming to handle.

“I can’t get enough…” He was out of breath…

His words… his tongue… it was all becoming too much and you could feel yourself coming to the very edge of it all faster than you thought. Your hands grabbed his hair and he immediately pulled away, looking up at your with an eager and somewhat malicious smirk on his lips.

“Baby, please…” You whimpered, giving him exactly what he wanted…

Carefully he pushed your leg off his shoulder and stood back up, his knees red from the time spent down…

“Turn around and bend over.” He ordered.

You followed his lead, turning around and bending over slightly, placing your hands and forearms against the steamed up tiles.

The desire and anticipation was unbearable… You spread your legs a little further when Taehyung’s hand suddenly stopped you.

He caressed your behind on the right side and you felt his tip press up against your wet folds.

Guided by his left hand he slipped his tip between, dragging it up and down, feeling your softness and warmth coat him.

Purposely he brushed against your sensitive clit and stopped his movement.

His hand left your hip and you suddenly gasped. Two of his long fingers slipped into you without warning, giving you a much needed sensation but also making the need furthermore unbearable.

He curled his fingers gently and unsynchronized before slipping them back out again and returning his hand to your hip.

“I just wanted to make sure you were ready…”

Ready?

You were on the border of begging for him at this point!

He positioned his tip by your entrance, thrusting in deeply with ease and finally giving significant satisfaction to your needs… having you spread wide around his thickness as he moaned deeply at his own pleasure.

His other hand placed by your opposite hip firmly and he pulled himself back, sliding out almost fully before thrusting back in again, pushing you closer against the tiles. Your head hung low, forehead resting against your hands and your moans slipping shamelessly…

“You like that baby?” He asked, thrusting hard again.

“You’re still so fucking tight…” He whimpered, pulling out followed by a groan.

“Spread wider for me baby.”

His breathing was unsteady and you spread your legs wider when his arms suddenly wrapped around your waist and pulled you back against him. His left hand immediately travelled up your abdomen and found its place by your breast. A mere second later he thrusted hard without mercy and began to pound into you, holding you tight so wouldn’t lose your balance.

Your hands fell from the wall and you desperately clung to his arms for support.

A curse fell from your lips, making him smirk behind you.

Like he knocked you off your pedestal… forcing you to let of the string you held so tight, the control you were used to be in… Knowing everything, controlling everything, directing every marionette knowing that the smallest mistake would have you or someone you loved killed in front of you… it being your own fault.

So much pressure, pressure and stress you kept buried within, deep within, not even talking to Taehyung about it… but when he did this he… he allowed you to let go and lose control, given no other option but to trust him, his arms and his care…

Your thigh muscles were giving in and you let out a suffocated whimper…

“I… I love you so much…” You confessed, breathless.

Something about him made you want to give it all up… Throw the marionettes into a fire, burn it all and just start over with him and only him. You were safe with Taehyung, he was the only one you trusted loved you, the only one for you and his loyalty sworn by his heart.

“I love you too baby, you know it.”

In his arms nothing could hurt you, not even a bullet…

But for him to get hurt… The thought of it alone terrified you.

It was never allowed to happen.

Never ever.

That’s why people had to think he was the leader.

So they’d run to him first…

It was the only reason…

Not to protect you, like he was tricked to think… A simple white lie you called it.

But to protect him.

Without him you would have nothing…

He groaned loudly, voices echoing between the tiles as his body grew more exhausted.

A few more thrust and he would have you over the edge… catch you in his arms… carry you to safety.

His lips brushed against your ear and in a low deep voice he let out his sinful confession of how close he was… reminding you of how crazy you made him.

“Will you be a good girl for me baby and cum with me?” He suggested, moving his hand from your breast to between your thighs. Thrusts still strong and deep, his fingers located your sensitive clit yet again and began drawing circles around it, almost immediately bringing your weak muscles to a shaking point.

“You feel so good baby…”

“Keep making those sounds… those sweet sinful sounds…”

Getting louder, desperate for your own breath and release you leaned forward, allowing for him to thrust in even deeper as your thighs clenched tightly to bring you closer.

He hummed in delight.

“You’re so amazing…” He praised, speeding up even further and becoming even more shamelessly vocal the closer to his breaking point he came.

“Fuck baby…”

His voice was so deep…

With a final hit of his hips against your behind he let out a deep sigh of relief, spilling his cum inside your aching pussy.

Your muscles pulsated and your body felt heavy as your muscles finally gave out, giving you your long awaited orgasm.

He carefully pulled out and appeared in front of you in no time to check on your facial expression.

“You ok sweetie?” He asked reassuringly before you fell into his embrace, making him chuckle.

With strong arms he lifted you up and you wrapped your legs around his waist, hiding your face against his neck.

“You need some of my special aftercare princess…” He whispered comfortingly.

5:15 in the morning…

Sheets a mess, barely concealing your bare skin, and your sleeping lover heavily resting his arm and leg over your body with his soft breathing tickling your neck…

He was a beautiful sleeper…

Your alarm was set to six, but your mind forced you awake prior to the unsettling ringing.

Maybe that was for the better…

You caressed Taehyung’s soft messy locks gently, making sure to not accidently wake him up and let him continue whatever he was dreaming.

The inner circle was summoned for a meeting early in the morning, what it was about you had yet to know, but your gut told you that you had a reason for worry…

Unsettling to say the least…

The rep for the loyal had called you late last night just telling you to meet him in the office early tomorrow morning…

Taehyung shifted slightly in his sleep, snuggling up closer to you and you took a deep breath.

Thank goodness for him…

“Just spill it to me right away.” You said as you entered the large room.

Last time you were there you had been laid across one of the tables but today Taehyung was following you from behind as you stormed into the room with the rep present at the meeting table in the center along with a few others of the loyal.

“You can leave.” The dark haired guy half-heartedly smiled towards the others.

His hair was parted down the center and he always paired his jacket with a trendy street style…

You and Taehyung took a seat opposite of him as the others left the room.

“What’s wrong Hope?” Taehyung asked, leaning onto his elbows against the table.

Hoseok was his name, but everyone knew him as Hope…

He was the represent of the loyal.

His jacket of course had the path as well as a star patch to label him as a leader of the loyal.

Dirty business with him, meant dirty business with you… Despite his joyful spirit most people seemed to be quite intimidated by his strong presence…

Hope leaned back with a sigh, twirling a pen in his hand a few times before placing it down on the table.

“Rumors spread fast as you two know…” He began.

“One of the newbies was here last night… claiming he saw the two of you.”

“We were here, what’s the deal?” Taehyung asked.

“He claims he saw you two having sex.”

“That’s absurd-“ Taehyung was cut off mid-sentence by your arms slamming against the table as you stood up.

“What’s his name!?” You yelled.

“C-calm down…” Taehyung whispered, wanting to act sweet but not even Hope knew about your relationship…

“Elliot, the ones I had in here before have been keeping an eye on him for me and there are some-… where is she going?”

Your fists were tighter than ever as you stormed out of the room, Hope and Taehyung running after you, yelling for you to wait but their voices were muted by your rage.

Downstairs multiple members, newbies and loyal were hanging out together in the dimly lit chill out space.

They all looked towards the door when you suddenly stepped in, expression saying that someone was about to be in trouble and the temperature suddenly dropped.

“Who the fuck is Elliot!?” You yelled as Taehyung and Hope entered behind you.

People looked around at each other, some looking amused and some concerned.

A brief moment later a boy stood up from near the worn out billiard table with his head hung low and guilt written all over him as his hand brushed against his arm nervously.

“Upstairs, NOW.” You said and pointed towards him.

Taehyung followed you back up the stairs while Hope awaited Elliot to catch up.

“Babe, take it easy.” Taehyung whispered, placing his hands on your shoulder before they had the chance to join you in the room.

“He’s dead!”

“Take a seat by the table.” Hope directed, closing the door behind him.

Hope took a seat by his side and Taehyung opposite of, but your anger made you unable to sit down.

“We know you’re spreading rumors Elliot, why?” Hope began.

The young boy, not much younger than yourself… was fidgeting with his oversized sleeves.

“I’m not… I know what I saw and I got curious and asked people, it wasn’t my intention to start a rumor…”

“What exactly did you see?” Taehyung asked.

“You and her.” He said, pointing at you.

“What exactly?” Hope clarified.

“What were you even doing here yesterday in the first place? You’re a newbie!” You yelled.

“That’s what I was getting to before you left, but first things first.” Hope said, with a slight nonchalant tone, making you confused…

Elliot sighed.

“I saw you two doing dirty stuff to each other ok, do I need to be more specific?!”

“He’s clearly making it up.” You snorted and finally took a seat.

“You know I’m not! I saw you lying down on that table over there and his face was between your thighs!” Elliot yelled and pointed towards the table.

“So why were you here yesterday Elliot?” Hope asked.

“And why were you on the east side the day before?”

The east side!?

The east side belonged to your rival gang… rival and rivals, at the moment there was peace between you but you never left your guard down towards them, but going to the east side was strictly forbidden for your gang members, even more for a newbie intending to join.

“I wasn’t…”

“We saw you Elliot, we have photos. You’re a newbie, your every move is watched for a reason.”

“I was meeting my cousin…”

“It doesn’t matter!” You interrupted.

“Going to the east side is prohibited, spreading lies is not going to help you either. You’re out.” Taehyung said.

Elliot suddenly stood up.

“I have photo evidence of you two!” He yelled.

His body language clearly showed that he was in fact lying about that.

“Then show me.” Taehyung said, sounding intimidating yet calm.

“I don’t need to show you anything! You know I’m not lying, you know I’m telling the truth and you’re the liars!”

“Sit back down.” Hope ordered.

“No!”

There was a click sound.

Hoseok raised a gun simply towards the young male as if he did it out of boredom.

“I said sit back down, if you think we’re done you should know that we’re just getting started.”

“I’ll call up the loyal and you can interrogate him about the east side, we’re done wasting our time here.” You said and stood up, clearly distressed.

Your mind was a mess.

You knew this would be bad news and the stressed tears were becoming harder to hold back and you just had to leave…

As you entered the chill out space downstairs you were met with curious looks. The loyal were sitting around their unofficial table when you approached them.

“Join Hope, don’t go easy.” Were your simple orders and they nodded respectfully and stood up from the table.

A radio was playing somewhere in the room, making it feel somewhat homey along with the low chattering of the members. As the loyal passed by you slumped down on one of the chairs by the table with a deep sigh and pulled a hand through your hair.

Your heart was racing…

The chattering silenced when they left and you looked up, noticing that the silence was caused by Taehyung walking in as the loyal walked out.

You didn’t even want to know what speculations were going through everyone’s heads…

The table you were sat at was in the very back and as Taehyung walked towards it the chattering slowly returned to its usual previous tone.

He stopped right by the side of your chair and you looked down at your hands.

“Let’s go outside, I need to talk to you.”

“No…” You sighed.

“Hey, come on. It’s super important.”

“No…”

It was Taehyung’s time to sigh now.

His hand pressed against the table and the other at the back rest of your chair as he leaned in by your ear.

“You better come with my outside right now princess unless you want me to put you on this table and show everyone in here that you belong to me and you know I’ve been wanting to do that so bad since the first day I saw you and even more since the first time I said I love you.” He whispered, his tone threatening.

You stood up and gave him a serious glare, standing way too close to him as you did and then walking towards the door with him following close as per usual…

You stopped behind the large building, leaning against the wall with your arms crossed as Taehyung took a step too close.

His hands found your hips and his nose brushed softly against your cheek.

“Don’t lie to me baby… I can see that you’re stressed.”

His sweet whisper was enough to break you down.

Some would say the water flowed over the edge of the glass but the water within your was suppressed so hard that his caring tone made the glass crack from the tension of the water, causing the water to stream down your face in the shape of tears as you wrapped your arms around him and hid by his neck.

“Sssh… sssh…”

“It’s going to be ok baby… I’m here for you… I love you so much. So incredibly much that I just want to scream it out loud and let everyone know.” The last had him chuckle lightly as his hand caressed your back.

“Hey, don’t think I don’t see when you feel low or stressed. I know you better than that and I want you to talk to me about it when you do so I can help you. It’s important.”

“I… I know, it’s just… every step I take and every word I say I have to treat it like fragile glass and I can’t handle another east side spy and risk for us to be caught again.” You sniffed.

“Then let me take those steps for you baby, isn’t that why thing are the way they are?”

You shook your head against his shoulder.

“If this guy goes off telling anyone you know I won’t hesitate to put my gun between his eyebrows and pull the trigger.”

You knew he wasn’t kidding…

You still remember the first day you saw him kill someone… and the second… and the third… He became somebody else, a side you rarely saw and a side that frightened you.

Taehyung could be scary… especially if you weren’t on his good side or worse… threatened you.

Those were dark times… but not too long ago.

But trying to make the peace last was a lot harder than you’d think… You kept the members of your gang under strict control to not act upon anything but not acting when the other gangs taunted you was difficult and some members struggled with their pride in those situations. But the leader’s word and orders were law, even though your words came out via Taehyung’s mouth.

“Baby look at me.” Taehyung begged, trying to lean back to see your face but failing.

You looked up with a soft gulp, biting your lip.

His eyes were so dark and beautiful…

The tip of his nose brushed softly against yours and you couldn’t help but smile.

Taehyung leaned back and did an exaggerate look around, making you chuckle before he leaned in and placed a peck on your lips fast.

“Nobody was around, I made sure.” He said and gave you another.

“I love you…” You giggled.

“Huh? I didn’t hear you.”

“I love you!”

“I love you too.” He smiled proudly and tilted his head to the side.

As he leaned in for a third, more proper kiss this time your phone went off.

“Duty calls.” Taehyung sighed, yet still smiling.

It was Hope.

“Hey where are you?”

“We’re outside… I needed some air.”

“Ok stay there, I’m coming.”

“He’s coming.” You said, putting your phone back in your pocket.

Taehyung let go of you and stepped back with a cute pout before leaning against the wall next to you.

A short while later Hope came walking.

“There you are.”

“Here we are.” Taehyung confirmed.

“The others are interrogating him, I wanted to give you the details of the report I got of his snooping around the east side but I have one thing to ask first…”

“Go ahead.” You said.

“Did you two actually fuck?”

“Hoseok…” Taehyung sighed.

“I’m not judging if you did! I just want to know… we all have needs. But what I’m saying is that he described what he saw in such an uncomfortable detail I just had to leave and it made me think…”

You were close to Hope and you trusted him… but could you tell him?

“Sorry baby.” Taehyung suddenly said, making Hoseok give a surprised expression.

“huh?”

“Hope, we’re dating. We live together.”

Your mouth fell open.

“Wait… really?”

“It… it’s true.” You confessed, in defeat.

“Can I at least pride myself on saying I was suspicious?”

“Whatever, just don’t tell anyone. If this comes out…”

“They can use you to get to Taehyung…” Hope filled in

Something like that…

Usually interrogations could go on for a dreadful long time. Hours upon hours, violence, threats and unethical tactics… But he deserved it.

Your anger’s source was of course by the fact that he caught you and you made sure he’d be beaten up if necessary until he suffered memory loss of it all together. But the main reason for his interrogations, despite already been called shunned by you was to find out why he was seen at the east side and if he was a spy or not.

The simple hint or feeling of him potentially being a spy would make the integration prolonged. Luckily, the loyal were the ones to take care of that mess for you but of course they’d report to you and Taehyung regularly.

Hoseok said he would call you whenever there was news.

Taehyung insisted on taking you away from the scene to clear your mind and calm you down but in the car you kept hitting the lock button repeatedly to have your phone light up so see if Hoseok had called. Of course he hadn’t… if he had you would’ve noticed.

“Isn’t it better if we just have him killed…” You mumbled.

“Not if he’s innocent.” Taehyung said in a serious tone as he pulled off the highway.

According to the route it seemed like Taehyung was bringing you home. Familiar buildings and signs passed by and you swore you’d probably be able to drive home blindfolded and make it back in one piece.

Rightfully speculated you were indeed headed home.

Taehyung took a left, driving the car into the parking level of the complex and your frustration suddenly grew.

Why were you at home?

You were needed at the hang out! You had things to do and things to check up! Working from home was too risky as well as banned by Taehyung’s request.

“How long will we be?” You asked, noticeably distressed.

“Hoseok will take of it for us, you don’t want dirty hands do you?”

His tone was still serious.

The car was parked still but his hands were still on the wheel as he looked over towards you in the passenger seat next to him.

“We need to talk.”

Taehyung was standing close to you in the elevator as you went up, too close…

There was a silence, your eyes on the wooden floor of the lift and his gaze burning your side.

The feeling inside was heavy.

What did he want to talk about?

Whatever it was it left you with an anxious heavy feeling in your stomach and all you could respond with was a shy “ok” before you got out of the car.

The familiar scent of your home hit like a welcoming embrace as you stepped inside. It comforted you a little from the lingering feeling but sooner or later your full focus was brought to Taehyung.

You took a seat on the living room sofa and Taehyung stood up in front of you, pacing a few steps back and forth as his hand fidgeted with his sleeve cuff.

Feeling like a child about to be scolded you held your own hands together neatly in your lap, looking down.

“Look at me.” Taehyung’s deep voice suddenly spoke and you felt two fingers under your chin tilt your head to face the man in front of you that was looking down with an intimidating gaze.

But in his eyes… something else lingered… making the feeling in your stomach sink even heavier.

“Are you ashamed of me?” He asked.

Not this again…

“I still don’t think you know how much it hurts me.” He continued and took a step back.

“I don’t want to hide our relationship anymore. I want people to know that we belong to each other! With Hope I… I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I can’t keep this up anymore!”

“It’s to protect you…” You began, the usual response to when he would bring this up…

“I don’t want to be protected! I want to be able to hold your hand whenever I please! I want to show everyone that you’re taken! It burns in my chest whenever I see anyone looking at you and knowing that they’re unaware of that you belong to me!” He yelled, pointing at his heart.

“Taehyung…”

“No! This isn’t your choice anymore! You’re not the leader of our relationship! You’re the leader of the gang and I’m tired of having to play this fake role whenever I’m there! The gang is my family and I’m tired of having to lie to them! I’ve been pretending to be the leader for you but I’m done with pretending to be a mere acquaintance to you!”

Your eyes were feeling the familiar sting of the tears before they fell…

Taehyung took a step closer again and went down on his knees in front of you, taking your hands.

“I love you so much.” He reassured.

“But I can’t take this anymore… either you tell them all or I will.”

You sniffled, lip trembling and trying to suppress your emotions with all might.

“This is my way of protecting you. If people knew that you’re my darling love-“ He reached up to caress your cheek.

“Then they wouldn’t dare even coming near you… It’s an unspoken threat.”

Maybe he had a point…

But you were already well aware of how much pain this was causing him, you understood but you were scared… too afraid of the maybes and what ifs…

Taehyung suddenly stood back up.

“Hate me if you want… but I know exactly what to do now.”

You looked up and saw his red cheeks and shimmering eyes.

“Please don’t cry because of me…” You begged.

“I’m going to do this and you can’t do anything to change my mind now.”

In other words he was going to tell them…

You were suddenly caught off guard when his hands cupped your face and he leaned down to press his lips against yours.

“I’ll hurry home.”

Huh?

“W-where are you going?” You asked panicked, reaching for his forearm.

He was smiling mischievously…

“I’ll be quick! Wait here.” He giggled and ran towards the hallway.

Your eyes followed him with confusion until he got out of sight.

The front door closed and your back fell against the sofa with a deep exhale.

These fears were out of your control…

When it came to Taehyung you couldn’t make any decision without reconsidering any potential risk what felt like a thousand times… maybe you were over-protective of him, but you hoped he understood that so was the case…

You loved him unconditionally.

You weren’t ashamed, you didn’t want to hide, honestly speaking you wanted to take a megaphone and scream your confession to him through it for the world to hear but-

Your thoughts were cut off by your phone ringing.

Hope.

You practically threw yourself over the phone, switching personas from concerned girlfriend to determined seemingly-not-leader-but-leader in a finger snap.

You wiped your hand under your nose quickly and a tear from your cheek before sliding the green icon.

“Update me.” You said, sounding stricter than intended.

“It doesn’t look good.”

“What happened?”

“Do you have Taehyung there? Put on the speaker phone.”

“He’s not here… he went out.”

“Is everything ok?” Hope suddenly sounded comforting to the tone.

“It’s good, tell me what’s going on now.”

“Well, we can’t get much more out of him at the moment… we beat him up too good.”

“What’s your impression?”

“I’m positive that he has ties to the east side… we just need to get him to confess is all…. He is stubborn this one.”

“Fuck…” You sighed.

“What do you want us to do?”

“Make him confess and call me back the second he does, not a millisecond later and I’ll personally take it from there.”

“Copy that.”

The call ended and you placed your phone down beside you before getting up.

The walk in closet you and Taehyung shared was large… probably larger than it needed to be but… some extra space never hurt anybody.

At the very back was a vault, any average person would suspect expensive bags or jewelry in there but that wasn’t quite the case…

Taehyung said he disliked the feeling the vault gave but you knew very well where he kept his own gun hidden…

Inside weren’t only your hand gun and an assault rifle… but also a pair of earrings Taehyung had given you for your birthday that you cherished a lot… along with six fake passports, one each and two each for spare… all from different countries and driver licenses to go along with them.

Maybe it was cheesy… but there were also two custom made brass knuckles in the vault. An odd couple thing to have perhaps… but it was a gift from you to Taehyung.

The rest in there were just documents, boxes of ammunition and faked permits for the weapons.

You grabbed the gun, checked the ammo and refilled it then reached for your brass knuckle and walked out into the hallway to shove it into your bag, hiding it neatly beneath a scarf.

“In case it gets cold…”

A few minutes became an hour and you hadn’t heard anything more from Hope yet.

You were anxious for Taehyung to return so you could head back and help out but he still hadn’t come back home.

Where had he gone?

As a response to the thought you suddenly heard the front door open to your relief.

You shot up from the sofa and rushed over to the hallway to see Taehyung taking off his coat.

“Where were you?” You asked concerned.

“I just went to pick something up, don’t worry.” He smiled widely.

“Pick what up?”

“Nothing, should we head back to the hang out right away?” Taehyung asked, immediately diverting from the topic and reaching for his gang jacket.

“Sure…”

You grabbed your bag and your jacket and you headed back to the car.

“Did you rest a little while I was gone?” Taehyung asked, starting the car.

“A little… Hope called while you were away.”

“What did he say?”

“He’s convinced but they’re trying to have him confess… they knocked him out but he would call back the second they get something out of him.”

“Ok.” Taehyung replied, distant.

The radio covered up the silence as you headed back to the hang out again.

The first thing on your agenda upon arrival would be to check on your interrogation victim and hear Hope out on more details. It was the only thing on your mind and it was pre-occupying you the closer you got to your destination.

Different turn out scenarios played in your mind of the various outcomes, distracting you to the max and being the cause of the silence.

When the engine cut at the parking lot nearby Taehyung turned to you with a concerned expression.

“How are you feeling? You’re so quiet…”

You felt a hand on your shoulder and turned to him.

“I’m just consumed by thoughts of how this will end…” You mumbled and unbuckled your seatbelt.

Taehyung’s grip grew firmer, stopping you.

“I’m here for you, you know. Always by your side.”

Why was he saying that?

“Don’t forget that and take advantage of it.” He filled in.

You got out of the car and Taehyung quickly appeared by your side, brushing his hand by yours as a hint for you to hold it but your anxious heart was distracting you from what mattered the most to you...

As you reached the door Taehyung turned to you quickly.

“Forgive me.” He mumbled and grabbed your hand, opening the door with the other.

You let him, just for this short moment but when you tried to walk towards the stairs his grip grew firmer, stopping you.

He began dragging you along straight forward towards the chill out area instead.

“Taehyung stop.”

“You’re not going up there, not now.” His tone was strict and he pushed open the door to the area where everyone where hanging out.

You tried to pull away from his grip without success.

“Taehyung let go!” You whispered.

He didn’t listen.

Quick to a plan B you walked up really close to him in an attempt to hide his strong grip of your hand while still trying to pull away but it was only making Taehyung’s temper get shorter and shorter until you reached the center of the room.

Your heart was beating hard.

Was he going to expose your relationship? Why now? Why here and now? Had he gone crazy!?

“Taehyung please...“ You whispered panicked, begging.

“This isn’t your choice anymore.”

There were eyes on you by now.

His hands were sweating…

Fine! Go ahead and expose! You thought. But why do it this way and here? Couldn’t it have been casual? Your heart was racing. Why wouldn’t he just say it and end the torturous wait! Yell that he is your boyfriend, even yell that the rumors were true! Why was he waiting?

You finally looked up from the floor, seeing that he was staring at you with dark eyes, intimidating you.

“You haven’t answered my question yet.” He whispered.

Question? What question?

“Will you forgive me for this?” He reminded, the confidence in his voice failing.

“…yes.”

A wave of guilt washed over you with the approval.

Taehyung swallowed and suddenly turned away from you, biting his lower lip nervously.

“Everyone!” He called out loud and let go of your hand.

A silence immediately consumed the room.

Just say it… you begged inside, your gaze returning to the floor.

Your thoughts were racing and you were trying to calm yourself down.

It was going to be ok, you repeated for yourself, unknowingly biting your own lip.

The seconds of silence felt like minutes and it was driving you crazy. If he didn’t say anything soon you would be screaming it out yourself- You suddenly felt a soft tap on your shoulder.

Taehyung was turned to you and reached into the pocket of his jacket.

The sound of gasps reached your awareness before your eyes had a chance to take in what was happening.

You simply blinked… and suddenly Taehyung was on his knee… holding an open box with a ring inside.

“I love you!” He cried out.

“I promise to protect you forever.”

“Please marry me.”

“Please take me as your husband.”

Your hands hid your open mouth and first now you noticed how tears were uncontrollably streaming down not only your cheeks, but Taehyung’s too.

“Will you marry me?” He asked.

“…Yes!” You voice drowned by your tears and you nodded hard and repeatedly.

“Yes!” You repeated, saying it louder.

The people around began cheering and hitting the tables but the sound was cancelled out for you.

Your full attention was on the smile on your man’s face as he rushed to take the rings out of the box and reached for your shaking hand to slide it onto your finger.

Before you even had a chance to admire it on your hand Taehyung stood up and wrapped his arms around your waist, lifting you up, making you laugh out of joy.

Once he sat you back down he reached his hands to your cheeks, tilted his head to the side and kissed you deeply, earning encouraging cheers from everyone watching.

Your arms wrapped around him and the kissing quickly developed into a heated shameless make out.

You had forgotten everyone who was around, everything going on upstairs and anything that didn’t surround the moment.

Unnoticed, Hope had barged in.

Your lips parted but you stayed in the hug, simply looking at each other.

“What’s going on?” Hope asked one of the members standing by the door, leaning towards him.

“Leader just proposed.” He said and nodded towards where you were standing.

“Is everything ok?” The member asked in a low voice, aware of what was going on upstairs.

“Not so much… “ Hope mumbled and suddenly disappeared.

Your hands refused to part.

The chill out returned to its normal chatty and cheery atmosphere while you and Taehyung sat by one of the table and looked at each other in silence, playing with each other’s hands.

But the atmosphere was suddenly drastically changed again when a sound of a gunshot came from upstairs.

Your spine straightened and your eyes went wide.

Without having to say words you and Taehyung stood back up and ran towards the stairs.

You made sure to bring your bag and dug for your gun as you ran up the stairs behind Taehyung just in case.

By the door upstairs Taehyung held out a hand to stop you when he peaked through the door opening.

Seemingly it was clear and Taehyung opened the door and you both entered.

Elliot, tied to a chair was bleeding heavily from his shoulder as Hope placed his gun on the table.

“I told you I wouldn’t hesitate, now speak!” He roared.

His eyes looked past Hope to you and Taehyung, making Hope turn around and notice that the two of you had entered.

“He’s a traitor.” He said, breathing heavily.

Hope’s hair was clinging to his forehead from sweat.

Two other loyal members were standing along the sides of the distance that kept Hope and Elliot apart.

Hope went to reach for his gun again but you were ahead.

Your bag fell to the floor and you loaded and aimed the gun towards Elliot.

The click of the gun summoned everyone’s attention.

Taehyung really hated when you took these spontaneous risks but there was nothing for him to do now.

“Tell me everything you know.”

“Or you’ll kill me?” He asked, cynical.

”Nobody is dying until a confession is delivered. Then we’ll see how lucky you get.”

He rolled his eyes at you and you aimed the gun towards his right foot and pulled the trigger.

A scream and a gunshot echoed through the room together.

“Hope what has he told you so far?” You asked, turning to Hope and lowering your gun.

“Give me the gun.” Taehyung asked in a low tone and held out his hand.

Without looking you allowed him to take it as you approached Hope.

“He-“

Gunshot.

Before Hope even got the chance to speak a sentence another gun shot was heard.

You quickly turned around, panicked and saw Taehyung approaching the traitor who was now bleeding from his left knee as well.

He slapped him and grabbed a fist of his hair, tilting his head far back and aiming the gun under his chin.

“You better tell me everything you know right now before I have my fun with you.” Taehyung ordered, sounding like a completely different being.

You had seen this side of him before but it caught you by surprise just as much each time.

He barely gave him five second before aiming the gun at his healthy shoulder instead.

“Speak!” he screamed.

“I’ve already said everything!”

“He’s lying!” Hope called out. “Make him talk about his brother! He confessed he has ties from the east but according to the id we found in his pocket his last name seems similar and a simple search online and we found out he’s the east’s leader’s younger brother.” Hope said.

“I told you I’m not his brother!”

“Stop wasting our time.” Taehyung said and pulled harder on his hair. “You won’t gain anything from what you’re doing, just tell us the truth and all of it. This is your last chance.” He threatened, looking deep into his eyes.

“Fine! He is my brother, but I’m telling you I don’t know anything about him!”

“Does he know that you’re here?” You asked.

Taehyung lowered the gun to his crotch.

“Answer her.”

“I don’t know what he knows!”

Gunshot.

An even louder scream echoed.

“That’s for watching me fuck my fiancé you sicko…” Taehyung whispered.

“Fuck! Ok! He sent me! He sent me! I am a spy just fucking kill me!” He screamed in agony.

About to promise him his relief, Taehyung pressed the gun at the center part of his chest, only to hit something with an unexpected feeling to it.

You and Hope watched with slight confusion as Taehyung suddenly ripped Elliot’s shirt apart.

Beneath the fabric was a tiny mic stuck with tape.

Before you had a chance to ask more Taehyung aimed the gun between Elliot’s eyebrows and pulled the trigger.

Killing him.

He handed the gun to one of the loyal and began to untie him and ripped off the mic and the chord and the small box taped to his back. With rage he pulled the chord apart, throwing the mic to the floor and grabbing the gun back, tossing the box to the floor and shooting a final gun shot through it.

It all went by so fast… too fast.

The gun fell to the floor and Taehyung hunched down, hiding his face in his hands.

You ran over to him immediately and noticed how he was hyperventilating.

Hope was saying something but you couldn’t hear.

Your hands were around Taehyung trying to pull him up and away.

“Honey, breathe. Take deep breathes for me.” You said, concerned.

He was trying and you got him to stand and pulled him along towards the exit.

The second you got out his back hit the nearest wall and he sunk down.

You tried to breathe with him, guiding him with hand gestures to breathe slow and controlled.

“It is ok honey, it’s ok. Everything is ok.” You ensured, pressing a kiss at his temple and pulling him closer to you.

“It’s ok Taehyung.”

He was beginning to calm down from the rush and after a few more minutes to regain his breathe against your chest you managed to get him to the car safely so you could drive the two of you back home.

There was no need for you to stay, nor was it healthy to have Taehyung stay any longer. He needed to get away. You’d hear back from Hope sooner or later but right now your attention was all on your Taehyung.

Your hand was caressing his scalp soothingly, dragging fingers slowly through his hair and drawings your nails feather-lightly up the back of his neck.

With an arm lazily over your waist, laid on his tummy and with his head against your chest he was knocked out fast asleep.

With each caress from the crown of his head down you got the view of your shimmering ring.

Maybe he had gone out to get it while he was gone?

You couldn’t help but smile.

Your fiancé…

He shifted slightly, moving his arm tighter around your waist to cuddle and rubbing his face against your chest, making you pause your touch until he settled for his new position.

How adorable he was…

“Are you waking up honey?” You whispered and returned your hand to caress his head soothingly again.

There was a soft hum as response.

Still on your to do list was to make sure that he would have a shower and eat something.

The second you got home you stripped him out of his blood stained clothing and threw them out of the bedroom, out of his sight and pulled him close on the bed.

He was wearing boxers and had a blanket covering him from the waist down as he napped on you.

Usually Taehyung didn’t react these ways…

Maybe it was too much for the day? Or had it been so long since the last time? Or maybe it was the microphone…

Quite honestly the microphone concerned you the most about the situation besides Taehyung’s well-being. Why was he wearing it? Who was listening and what were they listening for? What was the plan of it all?

You inhaled and exhaled deeply.

“You’d figure it out.”

“It would be ok.” You convinced to calm yourself down.

“Your heart is beating faster…” Taehyung suddenly mumbled in a sleepy voice.

“Calm down… I’m here.” He told it and placed a lazy kiss against your skin.

“Are you feeling ok?” You asked gently and earned a nuzzling nod as a response.

“Are you hungry?”

“A little…”

“What do you want to eat?”

“Hmmm…”

“You need to eat something.”

“I know…” He whined.

“Go shower and I’ll fix something.” You said cheerfully

“Shower with me…” he begged

“I’ll fix something to eat.”

“Shower with me…” He whimpered again, making you chuckle.

Clearly he was feeling better and returning to his normal self which was a big relief for you.

“No…” You said playfully and sat up to force him to move. “Get clean, and when you’re done we’ll eat then we can do whatever you want.”

“You’re such a strict leader…” He pouted and pushed him up to sitting.

You shook your shoulders, somewhat agreeing but intentions were well after all.

“I miss my fiancé~” He sang. “She would join me in the shower, and we could call for food delivery and have it delivered when we’re both clean.” He pouted followed by a dreamy sigh.

“Do you think I’m smelly?”

“No.” He laughed. “But yes, if it would make you join me or else I’ll have to carry you with me in.” He continued.

You let out a pitiful sigh and before you knew it Taehyung got off the bed and swiftly lifted you up bridal style and carried you into the bathroom.

He carefully put you down and quickly locked the door as if it would stop you from escaping.

A cheeky grin spread across his lips and his thumb hooked the hem of his boxers and pulled them down his lean legs, exposing him.

You unbuttoned your pants, pulling them down together with your panties in one go, pulled your top over your head and reached behind to unhook your bra while Taehyung’s gaze burned at your exposed skin.

Seconds later you stepped into the shower together and Taehyung’s hand reached to turn it on for you.

“Turn around and I’ll wash your back.” You said and reached for a loofa but Taehyung hand stopped you.

“No.”

His arm moved around your waist and pulled you close into a tight hug.

His chin rested against your shoulder with his face turned against the side of your neck and he exhaled deeply.

“Let’s just stay like this for a while first…” He requested in a low tone.

You wrapped your arms around him, hands pressed softly on his back as the water poured down over you like heavy rain.

“Have I ever told you how much I like your scent?” He whispered.

“What does it smell like?”

“Home.”

After a while Taehyung leaned back and reached around with one hand to grab one of yours… specifically the one with the ring.

A shower wouldn’t make you take it off.

Nothing would.

He let go and held your hand with both, admiring the piece of jewelry with a soft smile while the water made his hair stick to his face.

“I want to marry you… not the gang leader.” He confessed, putting emphasis on the you.

The only reply you had to offer was a shy smile.

“Don’t ever take it off... and don’t hide us anymore… or I’ll kiss you and scream that I love you with no shame and you know that I will.”

Maybe…

Maybe it was time that everyone found out about the truth.

That the leader was you.

That the power was yours.

Time to not have Taehyung take bullets for you anymore but to take your own bullets.

Taehyung wasn’t the one to have to face the leader of the east side.

You were.

As leader it was your responsibility.

Elliot, the mic, his death, the risks and the safety of everyone.

It was in your hands.

But your hands were held and hidden by Taehyung’s.

The visual it brought to your mind were your hands in neat condition concealed by Taehyung’s bruised, dirty and bloody hands. It made an instant wave of guilt and worry wash over you.

This wasn’t the right way to protect him.

This put him in more danger!

If they touched him knowing he was yours people would know they wouldn’t see the next coming sunrise or sunset but the way it was now… Taehyung was the face. Taehyung was the main target!

How could you ever have it become this way? How could you ever allow him to do this for you and think it would protect him!?

The room was dark.

You sat up straight in bed, making Taehyung shift and squirm in his sleep from the sudden movement.

Your heart was beating hard, bare skin covered in cold sweat yet still shivering…

Taehyung’s arm and leg was over you, his naked body clinging to your side and it must’ve been a miracle that he didn’t wake up from your sudden movement.

You took a deep breath and carefully lied back down again against the pillow, but falling back to sleep wasn’t an option anymore.

Your thoughts and worries were consuming you and it almost felt like a calm pre-stage to what could become a full blown panic attack.

Your head felt heavy and the temperature still didn’t satisfy you.

Were you suddenly getting sick along with all of this?

Maybe it was just your body reacting to the stress…

You looked over at Taehyung’s peacefully sleeping figure with messy hair and it brought you a brief sense of calm.

You had to do something about it… you had to protect him.

After a while your heavy head made your drift back to sleep from exhaustion.

The following morning you woke up with Taehyung’s face nuzzled against your chest. With one arm lazily thrown over you he was half-awake on his tummy, shifting slightly every now and then as he woke up more and more, slowly.

You felt a little better versus how you felt during the un-settling wake up. Your head felt slightly heavy but it was nothing a painkiller wouldn’t fix.

When you woke up to Taehyung clung to you like this it was a sweet moment of bliss, despite unpractical since it hindered you from leaving without waking him up fully.

With nothing better to do you began to softly brush his hair with your fingers, gaining a reaction almost immediately as he nuzzled up closer.

Your recalled the first time you and Taehyung had woken up like this.

It was at your old place, before you had moved in together and with a lot less fabric between you…

The night before had been your first time.

Despite being a little giggly and nervous it was passionate and loving.

Figuring out what worked and didn’t and getting to know each other in a lot more intimate way was all a part of the fun… once you found something that worked you were both quickly consumed by each other, giggles replaced by sweet moans and deep groans as he pushed himself into you, thrusting hard and deep with his face hidden by your neck.

That night… he told you he loved you.

You were distracted from the nostalgic ache in your heart when the messy hair suddenly moved and looked up at you with sleepy eyes.

“Good morning.” You said, unable to suffocate the giggles at his expression.

With a soft thud he let his head fall back against your chest again and stretched his arms out with a deep inhale. Upon the exhale mixed with a soft groan he travelled up your sides with both hands on either side, over the curves and up the sides of your ribcage until he located what he was looking for.

With gentle hands he moved his hands together, cupping your breasts over your shirt and pushing them together for him to nuzzle his face between until his giggle filled the room.

He let go and moved up, licking his lip out of habit and leaned up to kiss you.

“Good morning.” He said in a deep morning voice.

A voice you’d never get tired of hearing in the morning.

He exhaled soothingly.

“Pancakes?” He mumbled, suggestively.

“Pancakes.”

A cheerful sound left him and he pushed himself up to sitting before leaning down to place another kiss on your lips.

“Come on” He smiled and got up from the bed, grabbing your wrist along the way and playfully tugging your arm.

The kitchen smelled like fresh pancakes and the counter was sprinkled with spilled flour as Taehyung stood by the stove.

Meanwhile you were sat by the kitchen island, digging through your bag for painkillers when you finally found a package.

You already had a glass of water by your side and took up a sheet form the package to press out a pill from the packaging.

“Are you hurt?” Taehyung suddenly asked, haven turned around curiously from the sound.

“It’s just my head… it’s not too bad.”

“Pancakes will fix everything.” He ensured and turned off the kitchen fan, giving a sense of relief with the sudden serene silence.

The kitchen island already had plates and cutlery laid out by you so Taehyung neatly placed the plate with the stacks at the center before walking over to the bar stool next to you.

But before he sat down he moved close to you as you took another sip of water after successfully swallowing the painkiller.

Of course, you gave him a curious look as to why he stood there staring at you.

“Kiss me.” He puckered his lips. “Kiss the chef.”

With a shy grin you leaned forward to place a delicate kiss against his soft heart shaped lips.

Taehyung smiled, pleased and finally sat down.

“Bon appetite.”

You didn’t understand what his secret was… normal batter just like any other pancakes but no pancakes ever tasted the way Taehyung’s did and his were the best.

While you were eating you caught him eyeing the ring on your hand and smiling shyly for himself. It made your heart melt seeing how a ring on your hand could make him so happy…

“Have you heard anything from Hoseok yet?” Taehyung asked cautiously.

“Not yet…”

“I guess we can take the updates from him in person once we get there instead.”

The loud dramatic clink of metal falling onto porcelain echoed throughout the kitchen.

Unknowingly tears had begun to stream down your face, causing panic for Taehyung.

“Hey, hey baby what’s wrong?” His comforting hand immediately landed on your shoulder as he leaned closer.

“Talk to me.”

You sniffled, heart aching and confession on the tip of your tongue.

“I… I don’t want people to think you’re the leader anymore.”

“Look at me.”

His voice was strict and determined as he placed two fingers under your chin.

You were dressed and ready, sitting at the edge of the bed with a sulk in deep thought when Taehyung had gotten out of the shower.

He was stood in front of you, skin still a little wet and a towel wrapped around his hips.

“You’re the boss of the gang, you decide who knows what and what goes where and who does what and what is best. When it comes to our relationship, it’s we. I will cry myself to sleep over my girlfriend not wanting us to be public and I don’t regret what I did yesterday at all. But when it comes to the leadership and protecting this protecting that, I am simply your advisor baby. You’re the boss, I can tell you what I think you should do… but honestly I don’t know what to tell you. No matter what conclusion you come to I will support it, because I’ll protect you regardless.”

What he said was like a summary of what he told you at breakfast.

He comforted you but he didn’t give you a solid answer… But Taehyung was right.

This was your choice to make.

You were the leader.

You had his support, but the choice was yours.

“You ok sweetie?” He asked with a smile after your silence, fingers still by your chin.

“You know I’ll always be there for you.” He reassured.

You nodded in response, grateful for him.

“We’ll have a good day today ok? I’ll get dried up and dressed and we’ll leave and we can go to your favorite place for lunch!”

You gave him another nod.

“Let me hear your voice.”

“Yes…”

“Good girl.”

He leaned down and kissed you sweetly, caressing the side of your face.

Usually he would pull away slowly, parting from your lips with the most gentle move but this time he pulled away rapidly with an awkward laugh.

Your eyes had closed by his touch but once you opened them you spotted him grabbing for the hem of his towel as his cheeks puffed up from the wide smile.

“It was falling down!” He laughed, infecting you with his smile.

You, Taehyung and Hope were seated around the table in the upstairs office space.

The area was spotless and smelled strongly of bleach.

The odor had your headache slowly re-appear, but a distraction was enough to distance yourself from the awareness of the moderate pain.

Before you left home you had grabbed the one document out of the safe in the closet that proved you as the leader in case there would be any doubts… you hadn’t made a decision yet but you brought it along just in case…

“At least tell Hope.” You had told yourself in the car.

“Start there.”

“We never found out what the point of his presence was.” Hope continued, talking about Elliot.

“What is there to spy on? List weaknesses or vulnerabilities? It’s not like we’re planning to take over the world so whoever listened on the other end must have been bored out of their mind!” You said.

“Maybe they are planning to take over the world.” Taehyung pointed out.

Of course “taking over the world” in this context was a metaphor for becoming a more powerful gang and thus be ideal. But of course being the top gang, thus ideal came with both inspired supportive smaller gangs, but also rivals who seek to be bigger and better and claim to be more “worthy” of power.

That’s what it came down to in the end.

Not money.

Not reputation.

Power.

Gang culture was lawless, only applying to the general norms and formalities that were created by the leaders before your time.

Nobody cares if you had sold drugs, offered abnormal services such as assassination upon order or did “dirty work”. Some of these “services” were of course regulated depending on the gang.

You were well aware that the east gang had some of their “newbies” hanging out among the streets at night, regardless of gender. But within your gang you had established since long ago that any of those services were strictly off limits for your members and should not be provided nor engaged with. Especially not if they were provided by your rivals.

Your main target were the casinos in town.

You were close with the owner who basically ran a monopoly over each and every one.

That deal was one of your greatest accomplishments.

Not only did it give a heavy income but it provided jobs for your members.

Skillful scammers you could say, but if one enters a casino there is never a guarantee that you won’t leave empty handed…

Along that you did offer some services… but assassination requests were strictly monitored and exclusive handled by the loyal with the help of your hacker team. The hacker team consisted of members, but being part of that team of course involved a gift of trust being bestowed upon them.

“Elliot was trying to get into the hacker team, but he failed the entrance test.”

“As a newbie?” Taehyung asked surprised.

“Apparently he kept nagging and nagging the members of the team until they let him take the test, but despite the test he wouldn’t be able to join the team until he had first become a member and then been a member for a year regardless…” Hope continued

“Maybe the plan was a lot bigger than we initially thought.” You pointed out.

“Investing years into joining us only to access our data?” Taehyung questioned, followed by a snort.

He leaned back on his chair and crossed his arms. The expression on his face hinted some satisfaction in the act he had performed the day earlier.

“Identity wise… he is who we thought.” Hope declared.

“Do they know he’s dead?”

“Aaah, of course they know. Where else would we put the body. You know it’s not like us to just dump something like that despite it being trash and a traitor. It’s curtesy and respect.” Hope smirked.

“So where is it?” Taehyung asked, breaking his own silence.

“We shipped it to them.”

“What, with like DHL?” Taehyung said, smirking as well.

Hope chuckled.

“Sent two of the loyal over there to just dump it, they’ve already returned so don’t worry.”

“Is that all?” You asked, serious tone.

“Well, we haven’t heard anything but neither have we tried to contact them.”

“They knew what was coming…” Taehyung mumbled.

You sighed.

“Get the team to check status and any information they can find on the east leader.” You ordered and stood up from the table.

Hope looked over at Taehyung as if to confirm the order from him and it stung something within you…

“Thoughts, Tae?” Hope asked, trying to get his attention.

“Huh?” Taehyung looked up from where he was fidgeting with his fingers.

There was a brief silence and you grew more aware of the ache in your head…

“Let’s just tell him.” You eventually sighed, rubbing your forehead.

“Are you ok?” Taehyung asked gently, looking up at you in your agony and reaching softly for your hand.

You shook your head softly.

“Do you want me to?” He asked in a low tone.

You nodded, but immediately felt bad for dumping the delivery on Taehyung instead… had he ever mind it, speaking of it? Had ever minded keeping up this act and having to deliver everything for you like a personal mailman? The guilt increased…

It was time to end this.

“Hope I… I’m not the leader.”

He tilted his head to the side with confusion written on his face.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just the marionette.”

The choice of words stung even more.

“Explain.”

“She’s the leader, I’ve been her cover. Everything I’ve said and done is her work, I’m just the face and deliverer of it all but we’re ending it now and starting with you.”

“Wait… I mean it would explain the energy of authority I’ve always sensed from you but… why?” hope asked, looking at you.

“… It’s just my weird ways of thinking I can protect people when instead I’m just putting burdens on them.”

“Hey!” Taehyung called out with anger, squeezing your hand tight.

Hope nodded understandably.

“I mean, I’m always seen you as sort of a duo so to me it’s not really a big deal but I can’t speak for the others. Anyhow, I’m off to gather the hackers then.” He said and pushed himself up from his seat.

“I don’t know if or how to tell them yet… but I wanted to start with you.”

“Don’t worry about it!”

“Hope…”

“Mm?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Listen, it’s cool. I’m just glad you’re opening up to me. We’re the inner circle for a reason yeah? We’re friends too.” Hope smiled his trademark sunshine smile and caressed your shoulder before heading out. Thanks to that you felt reassured.

The door clicked shut behind Hope and your attention was brought back to Taehyung who was still looking up at you from his chair with a tight grip on your hand.

“Why are you saying it like that?” He asked.

“That being what?”

“That you’re placing a burden on people by trying to protect them. It hurts me to hear you say these things.”

“I… I just feel guilty for never seeing your side… Not only this but our relationship too I just-“ Holding back the tears was becoming a struggle… “I feel so selfish and bad for not realizing that maybe you never wanted this… I never asked you to become the face when I became the leader, we just made it be that way.”

“Maybe I accepted it because I wanted to protect you.” His tone was softer again.

“Don’t lie to me and tell me honestly if you ever felt a burden being my cover up.”

“No! Stop this!” Taehyung stood up, almost knocking over his chair on the go and pulled you into his arms.

“Please stop…” He repeated.

You pressed your face against his shoulder, allowing yourself to finally cry out.

Cry out about everything.

Your headache, the stress, the guilt, the worry and everything. Even the apple juice left this morning only being enough to fill a mere quarter of a glass.

“Ssssh.” He soothed, caressing your back followed by a couple of kisses were pressed against your head.

“I love you.” He whispered.

“Never doubt nor forget that.”

You stayed like that for the while it took you to calm down. Taehyung pressed you closer and closer to him with each cry, almost as if he could squeeze it all out… and honestly speaking he pretty much did.

“I want apple juice…” You pouted.

The sudden request had Taehyung giggle.

“You want apple juice?”

You nodded against his shoulder.

“How’s your head?”

“Bad.”

“Do you want me to get you juice?”

You shook your head.

“I need some air… the bleach smell in here doesn’t help.”

“Then let’s go.”

“… I think I’ll go alone.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’ll just go to the corner shop across the street.”

“It doesn’t feel right to let you go by yourself.”

“I’ll be fine.” You sulked and pulled away from the hug.

“Get yourself some snacks too… You need to eat something.”

You muttered in response and headed to the door for the staircase.

Taehyung followed behind you to go to the chill out room but before you parted ways he grabbed your hand again, pulling you back towards him and crashing his lips against yours.

“I think you forgot to say something upstairs.” He said with a cheeky grin.

“I love you too.”

You felt the side of your jacket pocket to make sure you had your wallet before running across the street on a red light. There were barely any cars so the coast was clear.

You reached the tiny mini market or convenience store… One of the two it was but you could never make up your mind. It was too tiny to be a grocery store but had too much to be a convenience store.

A very convenient convenience store Taehyung would call it instead of just “corner market” which was the actual name of it.

An electronic bell ding went off as you entered the shop and you headed straight towards the fridges.

One liter or a pack of three with those little juice boxes…

You went for the juice boxes.

Heading towards the cash register where an employee was impatiently scrolling her phone in wait for you to pay you stopped by the aisle of snacks.

You grabbed yourself two of your favorite ones as well as Taehyung’s favorite and then proceeded towards the cash register BUT then you spotted the ice cream box…

With the snacks, juice and an ice cream you finally reached the cash register so that the employee could check your items out and place them in a bag for you.

You recognized her of course, she was the owner of the store’s daughter and used to work there at the weekends and when the season for the harbor wasn’t at its peak you and the members of the gang were their main source of income.

She didn’t seem to be in a great mood for socializing today but you gave her a cheery smile back either way and hoped she was ok.

“Thank you.” You smiled and headed towards the exit.

The sky outside consisted of a confusing mix of white and dark grey clouds with and almost neon blue sky peaking between.

A gush of wind made your hair hit your face as you were about to cross the street.

With your free hand you tried to push it away the best you could with the unhelpful direction of the wind.

The smell of seaweed came with the wind from the harbor and it made your scrunch your nose in disgust. Seaweed and boat fuel… yuck.

The headache felt the same way.

All you wanted was to just lie down, have your juice and a painkiller but the street was suddenly so busy and you were impatiently waiting to cross.

The signal finally turned green and you crossed, but as you stepped off the curb the car that had stopped began to honk.

“It’s green idiot!” You yelled, knowing they probably wouldn’t hear you but the honking made your head even worse.

The vehicle was a large jeep with tinted windows and suddenly the side doors opened.

You sighed.

“What now?” You mumbled and kept walking, treating whoever stepped out like a spec in the wind.

When you got back you would give Taehyung one of the juice boxes and his favorite snack and a big hug… that’s what you wanted now... another of his comforting tight hugs.

You suddenly came to a halt when you heard your name being called.

The voice sounded familiar… but you couldn’t place it without seeing the face of who it belonged to.

But by now it was too late.

You turned around only to feel a hard excruciating pain in your head along with a loud almost metallic sounding thud and you fell down against the concrete.

Your head hit the ground hard and you could’ve sworn you felt blood in your mouth but up until that point is all you remember until everything went dark.

“Hey Tae!”

“Hmm?”

“What do you think?”

“Oh, sorry I spaced out. It’s cool!”

The loyal was seated across of him, trying to teach him a new card trick he had learnt but Taehyung was too distracted.

“Are you ok?” He asked and shuffled the cards in his hand.

“Yeah… I’m just waiting for her to come back.”

“She went to the store yeah?”

Taehyung nodded.

“It’s only been fifteen minutes but I only expected it to take five… is it too much if I go check on her?”

“I don’t see how it could be.”

“She needed some air and I think she needed a moment for herself and I respect that but I have a weird feeling.”

“Describe.”

“I don’t feel like she is sitting on a bench outside eating ice cream in the wind.”

“Maybe she got caught up talking to the shop owner.”

“Maybe so…”

The loyal in front of him had black messy hair that ended right by his temples and parted at the center of the fringe. His main role was supervising the large casino of the center, but also keeping an eye on the others. To describe his loyal position vaguely he earned well of a living and it showed. Beneath his jacket was a Balenciaga shirt, slightly oversized and paired with ripped black jeans and chunky boots.

The chair Taehyung was seated on suddenly squeaked across the floor as he stood up.

“I’ll go check on her.” Taehyung sighed.

“Do so!”

“Keep it up Kook.”

“Can someone make the damn vibrations stop?! Smash it or something!”

“Why won’t she pick up?” Taehyung sighed after the third attempt to reach you.

“Did you check the bench at the back?” Hope asked.

“I checked everywhere! Around every corner, the harbor, I even spoke to the employee at the convenient convenience store and she didn’t know anything. All she said was that she went in to get snack and then left.”

“This isn’t like her.”

“It isn’t! It’s been an hour!” Taehyung yelled.

“Well what are we waiting for, let’s go look for her!” Hope yelled.

Taehyung was in a state where thinking was hard, he was worried but if you needed time he wanted to respect it but knowing you… you would at least pick up when he called…

A quick call made by Hope and you were joined by eight of the loyal, including Kook from earlier.

“The water, the streets and every corner. Check it twice.” Hope ordered after explaining what was going on.

“Don’t let the other members know, not for now…” Taehyung instructed.

“Tae, we start by checking your place to make sure she didn’t head home.”

Taehyung nodded.

“Start the car, I’ll join you.” Hope said as the loyal began to leave. “Kook, stay a minute will you.”

Everyone left, leaving Kook and Hope alone.

“What’s up?”

“Check the east side.”

The apartment was empty and panic was building up more and more for each unanswered call.

“Where the fuck are you…” He mumbled.

There was nothing in the water. A relief, but not as much for the lack of traces of you in the area, streets, at home… any place where you could possibly be, hurt or well…

Hope turned To Taehyung to throw a glance at him while he drove the two back towards the hangout.

“You didn’t fight did you?”

“No… everything was fine.”

“Was she feeling ok generally?”

“She had a headache and lately she’s been very stressed and reflective.”

“Do you think it can have anything to do with it?”

“No but even if it did she would have answered my calls!” Taehyung unintentionally raised his tone.

Hope sighed.

“We’ll find her.”

Taehyung looked out of the window as the street became more and more familiar again.

“Do you think the convenient convenience store has cameras outside?” Taehyung mumbled as they drove past it.

“Probably.”

“Pull over now.”

“Hey!”

Taehyung unbuckled his seatbelt and before Hope had the chance to reach a full stopped he stepped out of the vehicle by the curb of the shop.

A few seconds behind Hope joined him, rushing into the shop.

“Does your dad work today?”

The daughter looked at Hope and Taehyung with wide eyes.

“No… he’ll pick me up in an hour or so though…”

“Can he come in now?” Hope asked.

“Why?”

“We need to see the surveillance footage from the store.”

She snorted to their surprise.

“Please… he doesn’t need to be here for that. I watch it when I’m bored.” He said and stood up from her seat behind the cash register and started walking towards the back office with Hope and Taehyung followed behind.

To their relief they had a camera aimed outside at the front.

The quality wasn’t great and the street was only partly visible in the upper corner, but it might do.

“Rewind it to about two hours ago.” Taehyung instructed.

A bunch of vehicles were seen reversing in the corner as she rewinded with a few people passing every now and then.

“There she is, play it please.” Hope said and pointed towards your figure on the screen.

They were both leaned forward towards the monitor watching carefully.

At first they were struck with disappointment as you began to cross the street and disappeared from the view of the camera.

Taehyung sighed.

Hope’s phone rang.

“Just a minute.” He announced and walked back into the shop.

Taehyung and the daughter continued reviewing the footage. Taehyung was just about to thank her for the help, even if it didn’t give a lot when he suddenly noticed what he expected the least in the corner of the screen.

Whoever it was in the corner seemed to be carrying someone…

“Pause!”

Someone was carrying… you.

Into the car…

“Fuck!” Taehyung cursed, panicked. “Thank you.”

“No problem!” She called out confused as Taehyung ran out of the back office, almost crashing into Hope who was about to re-enter.

“Wow there! Taehyung! Taehyung where are you going!?”

About a minute earlier Kook was on the phone to Hope.

“I found her.”

“Taehyung!”

“She was right here and someone was carrying her and she was unconscious!”

“What!?” Hope was looking weirdly at Taehyung as he stood in the middle of the road by the parked car trying to explain.

“Taehyung get back in the car!”

He wasn’t listening.

“Taehyung! Get back in the car now, we have to go!”

What Hope was trying to do was, rather than scream that he had sent one of the loyal to the east to search for you behind his back and that Kook had found you was to get him into the car so he wouldn’t see the stain of blood on the concrete that Hope had already noticed.

“Go where?!”

Hope gave him an angry expression trying to have it read the phrase “I’ll let you know in the car.”

He seemed to get the hint, to Hope’s relief.

“I sent one of the loyal to the east, they just called and told me he found her.” Hope confessed boldly and started the car.

“Is she ok!?” Taehyung screamed.

“I don’t know, but we’re heading over there now. I’ve already called the rest, they’ll meet us there.”

“I hope you don’t mind that I told them by the way.”

“Told them what?”

“That she’s the leader.”

Silence.

“They had to know, especially since she had clearly been kidnapped this is now something completely different Taehyung. They’re breaking the unwritten codes.”

More silence.

Relief mixed with more panic.

Whenever they’d get there he would kill whoever had laid hands on you.

Sore, you woke up from what felt like a too long nap.

A nap should hit the golden time where you wake up refreshed but this one made you feel heavy headed and uncomfortable…

As you opened your eyes you spotted the cause of the later.

You were on the ground.

There was not much to take in around in the dark.

Your vision somewhat adjusted but it was still too dark to distinguish where you were. All you could make out of the shadows was that it seemed to be a basement of some sort.

There were numerous shelves and storage units but that was about it of what you could see.

You tried to move, now noticing that your ankles were tied together and your hands were handcuffed…

With a heavy move you managed to get up into seated position and noticed the blind fold on the ground that had probably slipped off during when you were knocked out…

But more importantly…

Where the hell were you!?

All you remembered was crossing the street…

They didn’t have the audacity to leave your bag down here? You questioned, using the irony as a sort of coping mechanism.

You suddenly noticed a small red light across the room.

Surveillance camera.

Fuck.

You were watched…

You heard the sound of a door opening out of your sight and immediately regretted sitting up.

You should’ve known.

A broadly built, well sculpted figure approached you.

“Good morning sleeping beauty.”

Park Jimin.

The leader of the east gang.

And…

Your ex.

The sun was slowly setting as Hope speeded towards the east part of town.

“Have you thought of a plan?” Hope asked Taehyung who was staring down at his lap with his arms crossed.

“I don’t know what to do!”

“Well you better think of something before we get there.”

“How!? I’m still freaking out!”

“Because she isn’t here Taehyung! When she isn’t here you’re in charge!”

He had to make effort to hold in the tears yet again.

“Do you want us to step inside and raid the place? Sneak in and get her out? Low profile of threatening?”

“Lets… Let’s just her out then let me kill whoever did this.”

“Sound like you had a plan after all…”

“I’ve been thinking about how I should kill the one or them the entire journey.”

Hidden in his palms were the deep imprints of his nails from clenching his fists too tight.

“Have the other’s check the area out first, so we can call for back up before entering if we need it.”

Hope reached for his phone in the cup holder of the car.

“But one other thing…” Taehyung pointed out.

“Hmm?”

“You have guns in your car right?”

“That’s a stupid question… of course I have.”

“Looks like your head needs a band aid…” Jimin began and kneeled down in front of you.

He reached out for you but you moved away.

“Don’t touch me.”

To start off…

Your relationship was never meant to be.

Years ago, before the leader position was assigned to you by the former, the inner circle consisted of you, the former leader… and Jimin.

Taehyung was at the time a newly become part of the loyal.

The difference here, is that the two of you were almost expected to date.

You had a flirt yes, went on a few dates yes, kissed yes but there was nothing genuine for him in your heart. He was a friend, a brother.

But nobody knew of this.

Nobody knew barely anything, and especially not about Jimin.

You knew he had siblings but he claimed to have abandoned them all, never contacting them…

Obviously that was a lie.

“Why did you send Elliot?” You asked boldly.

“Oh right, him.”

“Is he really your brother?”

“Of course not.”

“Then why did he claim that he was?”

“The guy was crazy! Why do you think I sent him? Plus, he was told to claim that… Didn’t it scare you?”

“Not at all.”

“Thanks for sending him back by the way; nothing beats express delivery of a corpse. I was expecting my new desk so I was quite disappointed.”

You shook your head.

“You’re smiling.”

“It’s because you’re trying so hard it makes me cringe.”

Jimin snorted and stood back up.

“The offer is still here you know…”

The offer to join his gang.

To continue, Jimin was certain and expected to be handed the leader position of the gang but he was deemed untrustworthy and instead of proving everyone wrong Jimin became livid. Long story short, he left and started his own gang… thus making it your rival gang from the start already…

Hope was recruited to take his spot in the inner circle since he had been considered to be invited for a long time regardless…

In the meantime Jimin kept a low profile, seemingly and then Taehyung entered the picture.

Of course, the leader of the gang upon his retirement had left the entire deed in your name.

Every fortune, every building and of course the leadership itself.

You don’t know what would’ve happened if Jimin knew that the leader post was handed to you…

So you decided to hide it.

And yes, it was to protect the newly found love of your life.

But also to protect everyone else.

It was bigger… and a lot more complicated than you had admitted.

Taehyung knew nothing about Jimin and you.

Neither did Jimin know about you and Taehyung… at least not what you were aware of.

“Jimin, why am I here?”

“Eye for an eye.” He said with a smug attitude.

“You’re going to kill me like Elliot.”

“You didn’t kill him.”

“How do you know I didn’t?”

“Your fiancé admitted it.”

You felt a cold flash travel down your spine from his words.

“The mic.” Jimin reminded but didn’t gain a response.

“I could hear him loud and clear, just like each and every gunshot… of course don’t Elliot didn’t report back to me on what he saw… I never realized you were so…”

“Done with you?”

“Dirty… I’m going to be honest with you. I did feel a little jealous for about a second.”

“Remind me again why I’m here.” You sighed, sick of his smug attitude already.

“For a game… and now you ask ‘what game Jimin?’”

“What game?” You said cold-heartedly.

“If Taehyung brings the deed, he wins you. If he doesn’t, he loses…”

“Me.”

“You think I have it in me to kill you?”

You looked at him with doubt.

“Taehyung loses his life.”

“The best part is that he doesn’t even know about it.”

Of course Taehyung didn’t have the deed…

It was with you.

Folded up inside of your wallet in the pocket of your jacket that you were currently wearing…

“Kook, update us.” Hope panted as he ran over to him a few 100ms away from the east hang out.

“Seems like he has prepared for a one on one. The place is technically abandoned.”

“And where is she?” Taehyung asked, loading one of the guns in his hand.

“Basement, they could’ve moved her though. When I saw her she was still unconscious.”

Taehyung took a deep breathe.

“Have someone keep an eye from here in case someone approaches, two by the building outside and two inside while Hope and I go in, the rest join us in but look around to take of any potential hidden back up.”

“Yes not-boss.” Kook confirmed and reached for his own concealed gun and waved along a few of the other to join him on the front as they made a run for it towards the building.

Taehyung tried to keep his cool, but within he was fighting a wave of panic, fear and rage.

He shook his head in an attempt to get into the mode he needed to be in.

He was here to save you first, kill whoever did this second and for now that should be his only points of focus.

Taehyung, Hope and the backup reached the building after Kook and his crew had gotten in.

Two with Hope and Taehyung stayed by the entrance while the other covered their backs.

Maybe all this marionette-ing had taught him one of two things…

Jimin was seated on a chair in front of you, making sure you could see his not-so-concealed gun as he sipped on a juice box.

“Thanks for bringing snacks honey.”

You didn’t respond.

“What if… I had the deed?”

“You don’t.”

“What if?”

“Don’t push it.”

“Would that mean I win your game?”

“Shut up.” He smiled forcefully.

“Why do you even want it.”

“I want what was meant for me.”

“But it took you this long to make the attempt?”

“My initial plan for Elliot was a lot bigger but you ended it as soon as it got started to now we’re going onto plan B, simple as that.”

“Jimin.”

“Shut up!”

“Jimin what if I have the deed?”

“Do you want to be gagged?”

“I have the deed.”

He rolled his eyes.

Well this was pointless…

“Jimin!”

With a click he suddenly aimed the gun at you.

“Be patient!”

Seemingly you didn’t have to be much more patient…

The door pushed open slowly, Hope entering first and hitting the switch for the basement, making your eyes sting.

“Well, looks like we have visitors.” Jimin chuckled and immediately aimed the gun towards Hope.

“Jimin you know I owe you nothing.” Hope reminded.

“I didn’t expect it to be you.” Jimin tilted his head to the side. “Do you have the deed?”

“What are you talking about.”

“The game only Jimin is playing.” You said, aiming to humiliate him.

The gun returned to you.

“Last chance honey. Shut the fuck up.”

Taehyung was standing on the other side of the wall and the sentence made him want to reveal himself and shoot recklessly towards the mouth that spoke those words to you, but Hope insisted on trying to talk it out first.

“I’m waiting for Taehyung.” Jimin said.

“He isn’t here.” Hope lied.

Taehyung made a weird expression in response to his words. “What…?”

Jimin snorted.

“Looks like your lover boy stood you up huh? I would’ve never done that to you.”

Taehyung’s nails were digging into the palm of his free hand again.

This was pointless! If he now was waiting for him, standing here simply made the situation worse! Taehyung thought.

“Maybe he lied to you so he could become the leader instead when it should’ve been me. It should’ve been us!” Jimin yelled.

His hands were shaking.

He couldn’t take it anymore.

This was hurting him.

It was personal.

Taehyung stepped into the basement, with his gun aimed towards Jimin, biting his lip hard to force it to stop trembling.

“There he is…” Jimin sang out gladly.

“Now hand over the deed.”

“You didn’t contact us regarding a deed upon arrival.”

“That’s what you get for showing up unannounced.”

“Whatever you want, I’ll get it for you.”

“I don’t have time for that. I want it now.”

“It’s in my pocket!” You screamed at Taehyung.

A gunshot echoed throughout the basement and a burning pain hit your outer thigh as you fell over with a whimper.

“Shoot me and I shoot her.” Jimin was quick to remind as he heard the click of Taehyung’s gun.

“Then let Hope get the deed from her pocket. This is between you and me after all, isn’t it?” Taehyung asked.

“She obviously doesn’t have it; she’s just acting for her helplessness.”

“I saw her bring it with her with my own eyes this morning.”

They maintained strong eye contact.

“Why would she bring a deed with her today out of all days?”

“If you look at it, you’ll find out why. But you won’t let her speak without hurting her, so I guess I’ll have to cover up for her one last time.”

Jimin gave him a confused look.

“Fine, Hope get it from her. If you try anything you both die.” Jimin said and waved Hope towards him.

He kneeled down by your side and unzipped the pocket of your jacket.

“It’s in the wallet, folded behind my credit card.” You whispered through the pain.

You thigh was bleeding heavily.

Hope stood back up and turned around to face Jimin as he unzipped your wallet and found the folded piece of paper behind your card.

The wallet fell to the ground and He unfolded the paper and shoved it towards Jimin.

“Go back to where you were standing before.” Jimin ordered.

“This has your name on it. I want the one with Taehyung’s name.” Jimin said to you.

“There is none with my name.”

“Then why the fuck are you here?” Jimin asked.

“To take back my fiancé… and the leader.” Taehyung’s voice was determined.

“It was never yours Jimin.” Hope said, breaking the sudden silence.

“Are you trying to fool me?” Jimin asked, lowering the paper from this eyes.

“Why would you carry this with you unless it was fake?”

“Because-“ Taehyung spoke before you could open your mouth and risk getting yourself shot again. “-I’ve been posing as the leader for her protection. She has been the leader ever since, we just made everyone think it was me while she pulled all the strings and she was planning to tell everyone today and brought it with her for proof.”

“It’s true. I found out today.” Hope filled in.

Jimin was at a loss of words.

Had his own plan backlashed?

“I won your stupid game.” You mumbled.

Another gunshot echoed, but no pain this time…

You opened your eyes and seemingly everyone was fine at first glance…

Jimin’s gun was now aimed at Taehyung.

“Next time I won’t miss. Clearly you don’t care to be shot.”

“Does he know we used to date hmm?”

You couldn’t speak with his gun aimed towards Taehyung.

“Clearly you aren’t.”

“But we used to.”

“So? She’s with me now.”

“Can you imagine the hate I’ve felt towards you? Making me think you stole my position as leader and my girl… living the life that was meant for me?”

“Jimin knock it out.” Hope interrupted. “That’s enough now.”

“It’s not. This deed is worthless to me now.”

He tossed it onto the floor.

“I don’t have a reason to take anything from her, she was nothing but good to me.”

Did Jimin have a soft spot for you?

“It’s not Taehyung’s fault that her name is on the deed.” Hope said.

“What are you waiting for?” Taehyung asked.

“Jimin come back.” You suddenly said, making all three of the men turn to you with questionable stares. “Join the gang again and lets just move on.”

“You think it’s that easy? As if I wasn’t shunned already.”

He was right… but he didn’t need to know it as long as this came to an end.

“I’m the leader, I decide who is shunned and who isn’t.”

“What makes you think I want to come back?”

“Only you can answer that.” Taehyung said.

“I don’t want to.”

“Then what is your motive now?”

“Revenge.”

“Nobody hurt you Jimin, put the gun down.” Hope said.

“You all hurt me, you humiliated me.”

Hope suddenly took a deep inhale.

“Jimin, we have people placed around the entire building, inside and outside. We have a sniper aiming at the back of your head through that tiny window as we speak. It’s over.”

A sniper?

Jimin stood frozen.

You used the remains of your energy to angle yourself to look out, and rightfully you could see the end tip of sniper rifle but not of who was aiming it.

“So what if I lower my gun, then what?”

“We’ll get out leader back and retreat.” Hope said.

You could see in Taehyung’s expression that he didn’t like what Hope was saying right now.

But it seemed to work…

Jimin had nothing to come with anymore… this was pointless now.

“We can end the rivalry and start co-operating.” You suggested.

It seemed to work on him.

Jimin bent down slowly and placed his gun on the floor.

“Now lowers yours.” Jimin told Taehyung, holding his hands in the air. “Let’s co-operate.”

“I’m not done here yet.” Taehyung said with a strict cold tone.

What was he doing!?

Hope suddenly appeared by your side and began to untie your ankles.

“Are you ok?” he whispered, but your attention was glued on Taehyung.

“What?” Jimin asked.

“You kidnapped and shot my fiancé.”

“We’ll co-operate from now!”

“This has nothing to do with the gang, this is personal.”

“Taehyung stop that!” Hope yelled.

“Shut up.” Taehyung muttered and pressed the tip of the gun between Jimin’s eyebrows.

“Don’t you ever lay hands on her again.”

Jimin kept quiet.

Gunshot.

Scream.

Last minute, Taehyung lowered the gun and shot Jimin in the place he had shot you.

“See that as a warning.”

Jimin fell to the ground in pain.

Taehyung’s heart was beating fast.

It was like a whole other person had taken over and the gunshot had suddenly brought him back.

He looked over at you, tears appearing in his eyes.

He unloaded the gun and shoved in in the hem at the back of his jeans before running towards you.

His arms pulled you close.

“I’m sorry.” He cried out.

Hope somehow managed to locate the keys to the handcuffs while Taehyung repeatedly begged for your forgiveness. He kneeled down and freed you wrists so you could hug Taehyung back.

You had no words to speak.

Shock and relief consuming you along with adrenaline from the gunshot wound.

Tears were streaming down his face, fully broken in your arms when Hope suddenly nudged him.

“Tae, Tae we need to get her to the hospital!”

See it as the revenge to leave Jimin behind, wounded.

He deserved it.

Taehyung lifted you up bridal style and you left the area as quickly as you could.

Luckily, the bullet hadn’t hit anything crucial and it was easily removed and the wound stitched up.

“Would you like to speak to an officer?” The doctor asked in a low tone.

Dr. Min you read on his name tag…

“No thank you, I’m in a shooting club and it was an unfortunate accident.”

“Well, I hope whoever did this learnt their lesson that the shooting club probably isn’t a place for them.”

You chuckled.

Dr. Min said you were free to leave and the tests they had run on you had all come back fine.

Taehyung was worried sick in the waiting room.

The emergency was oddly calm, but it was late and dark outside.

You limped slightly because of the pain as you walked back towards the waiting room.

You were wearing charming hospital pants since your jeans had to be cut off for the doctors to remove the bullet.

When Taehyung spotted you he immediately stood back up and stopped fidgeting with the juice box in his hands.

“They had apple juice in the vending machine.” He said shyly and handed it to you.

“Thank you.” You smiled sweetly.

“Let’s get you home.”

He reached up with a gentle hand and brushed a strand of hair to behind your ear.

“At least my headache is gone.” You smiled, trying to ease the still shaken up man.

He returned your smile.

“I’ll give you a piggy back ride to taxi stop.”

You didn’t deny him and got up on his back with a giggle as he lowered himself in front of you.

He tossed you up slightly as he stood back up and headed towards the exit with a firm grip under your legs and your arms around his neck.

A shower sounded like a dream come true but your body felt too much relief from being placed down on the bed to be able to get up again.

You were exhausted.

You practically inhaled the juice box in the taxi and you could’ve sworn it was the best apple juice you’ve ever had.

Taehyung took his jacket off, followed by his shirt and crawled up on bed next to you.

“Lay on me.” He directed and patted his chest softly. “I need to feel you close for a little.”

You did as he told and swung and arm around his waist before placing your head against his chest.

Dr. Min had given you a stitch at the wound on your head as well and Taehyung leaned down to place a gentle careful kiss against it.

“My kisses have healing powers.”

“I know.” You giggled. “But laying here is also healing…”

“Is it so?”

“It’s the best place to be.”

A large hand caressed your back soothingly.

“If you want to stay there forever, I’ll gladly submit to it.”

“If so, enjoy the rest of your life.”

“I will.”

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