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wishcamper · 3 months

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Nesta, Interrupted: gendered perceptions of alcoholism in ACOSF

CW: addiction, sexual assault, gendered violence.

Creds: I’m a licensed counselor with a degree specialization in treating addiction. I have career experience with multiple modes of mental health, trauma, and substance use treatment in women-specific carceral, institutional, and healthcare settings. And I know anyone can come on the internet and say that, but I pinky promise.

The short version:

ACOSF stigmatizes alcoholism in line with cultural standards.

Western culture feels differently about female and male alcoholics due to systemic sexism, and thus treats them differently.

Women’s experience of alcoholism is often compounded by or even a result of systemic factors and intersectional identity.

Nesta’s treatment in ACOSF, while repugnant, is in many ways very accurate of attitudes today.

(I’ll be using “women/men” and “male/female” to denote cis afab and amab people. Little research exists on the experiences of queer, nonbinary and gender expansive considerations in addiction and recovery, which is a fuckin’ shame. Studies are also largely conducted with white participants due to enormous barriers to treatment for Black, Indigenous, and people of color, so this convo is inherently incomplete where it neglects those intersections.)

Okay, first things first: ACOSF is a book that stigmatizes alcoholism. I will not be taking questions.

The number one thing to understand is that in America, land of Miss Sarah, we are very bad at addiction treatment (tx). Why? Because our culture hates addicts has as stigma around addiction. And female alcoholics bear a very specific set of stigmas based in their identity.

In Susanna Kaysen’s memoir Girl, Interrupted , Kaysen’s character is institutionalized following a non-fatal suicide attempt. When evaluated, she’s diagnosed with borderline personality disorder, that bastion of diagnoses perfect for people (75% of whom are female-identified) who don’t fit into our polite definition of functioning. As the book unfolds, she reflects on how (white) women are often pathologized when they buck against systems of oppression that create the dysfunction in them in the first place. That is not to say other women in the institution are not genuinely in need of help, nor that mental illness in women is always from a systemic wound. But it’s crucial in the treatment of female addiction and mental health disorders to considered the systemic factors of gendered violence and patriarchy, and the attitudes we hold about women who struggle with drinking.

Think about female alcoholics in media. If she’s young, she’s a loose, reckless sl*t looking for trouble and deserving of the reality check when she finds it (Amy Schumer in Trainwreck, Lindsay Lohan in general). Or if the woman are older, they are discarded, or gross, or pathetic, or evil like anyone Faye Dunaway played or Eminem’s mom in 8 Mile (deep cut lol). Men are afforded a much larger spectrum of experiences and struggles - Ernest Hemingway, Leaving Las Vegas, Sideways, the dude from A Star is Born, Frank from Shameless (brilliant), frat boys, blue collar workers, introspective tortured artists, fucking IRON MAN. I could go on forever, but I hope that illustrates the depth and diversity of male-centric stories of alcoholism not often afforded to women.

One of the most empathetic and accurate portrayals of female alcoholism, in my opinion, is in the show Sharp Objects (the book, too, but actually witnessing it makes a difference). We see Amy Adams’ Camille swig vodka from an Evian bottle while fending off vicious, veiled attacks from her verbally and emotionally abusive mother and experiencing flashbacks of teenage sexual assault. We watch her struggle to find emotional safety in her conservative hometown, both wanting to fit in and get out in order to survive. We GET why she drinks and I have trouble blaming her for it even as she wreaks havoc on herself and others. We can see her clawing just to make it out alive, and alcohol is the tool she’s using to do it, for better or worse.

Which is where Nesta enters the chat. When we get our first glimpse of her alcohol use is ACOFAS, it’s portrayed as something everyone knows about but that she’s still mostly keeping it together - her dress is clean, her hair is neatly braided, she doesn’t need a chaperone to show up to a family event. The deterioration between ACOFAS and ACOSF is alarming, and we know that alcoholism is a progressive condition so that tends to happen. Was there a particular trigger? That’s hard to say. Solstice certainly didn’t help, especially with the pressures to perform and conform to the standards of the Inner Circle aka the people in power. I imagine seeing her sisters bouncey and reveling in the world that stole them and killed their father was probably.. tough, to say the least. The barge party seems to be a turning point as well, though this one is more confusing to me. But given the child abuse, extreme poverty, sexual assault, kidnapping, bodily violation, witnessing her father’s murder, almost dying, WAR - and that’s not even to mention essentially becoming a refugee - it would be amazing if she DIDN’T drink. She 100% has complex trauma, and is looking for ways to cope.

No one with full capacity dreams of becoming an addict when they grow up. Addiction, in my professional and personal experience, is largely a strategy for coping with a deeper wound. People don’t drink to feel bad. They drink to feel good, and to survive. Nesta herself is drinking to survive, but it’s having the unfortunate side effect of killing her at the same time. As she slides into active addiction, the thought of her own death may even be comforting, and alcohol in that way is her friend. (There's some interesting research right now framing addiction as an attachment disorder, but I don't know enough to speak on it much.)

So she obviously needs help. That’s not a debate. What is a debate is how the IC should best go about intervening. A variation on the Johnson method is used in ACOSF (the one from the show Intervention) and appears to be successful only because they threaten her if she doesn’t comply. This method has mixed data to support it, and while it’s very good at getting people into tx, there is a higher relapse rate for those who receive it (1). The “family” gathers and tells her the ways she’s hurt them and tell her the consequences if she doesn’t seek the help they’re offering. And again, so many of their reason are the effects on THEM, how she’s making THEM look, not her pain.

The IC’s ignorance and dismissal of her alcoholism in ACOSF is frankly mystifying. Why do they intervene on all the drinking and sexing, anyway? It seems like they’ve been fine enough with it up to this point. But now it's gone too far, not because of her illness but because she is embarrassing them. And I don’t know about you, but between Cassian apparently fucking half of Velaris and Mor’s heavily documented emotional drinking, that’s hard to square. It makes it feel much more likely that they don’t like the way she is coping, that she is not fitting into their picture of who she’s supposed to be. This picture is inherently gendered, because Prythian society and those who live in it have explicit and implicit expectations of gender roles, whether they’ll admit it or not. Cassian and Mor are playing their roles well; Nesta is not.

That leads me to believe it is NOT all about her, but the systemic and internal factors influencing their perception of her and the ways she’s struggling. It’s distasteful to them for her, a female, to be deteriorating this publicly, despite the fact that her very identity makes it harder for her to function in the patriarchy of Prythian. We hear almost exclusively about sexual violence against women, aside from 2 male characters. Past or present assault of women is a major plot point on multiple occasions (Mor, Gwyn, Nesta, Emerie, Rhysands mom and sister, the lady of autumn, Cassians mom, Azriels mom, I could go on). But something about the way Nesta is contending with that is unacceptable, and I believe it’s because she’s not trying to cover up her dysfunction. In prythian, we keep these things hidden- Mor’s assault is never processed in full, Azriel’s mom seems to be alone at Rosehall, priestesses are literally hidden inside a mountain for centuries. Women process trauma alone and in the dark, but Nesta is in the light and she is loud. She is refusing to hide her problems, and the IC don’t like that, whether they realize it or not.

So why don’t the IC understand this? Like I said earlier, as a culture we hate addicts, or what they stand for, in very much the same way I think we hate people experiencing homelessness. We convince ourselves it was a series of bad choices that led someone where they are, choices we would never make because we are smart, smarter than them. We believe are more in control than that. We can prevent bad things from happening to us because we are good, because we are better than whoever it’s happening to. But the reality is almost ALL of us are one hospital stay away from homelessness, just as all of us are one trauma away from addiction. And with female addicts, we have another layer of expecting women to only struggle nicely and quietly, or to go away. Intersectional factors are at play here, too: white women are much more likely to have alcoholism attributed to mental health and trauma factors, where people of color often suffer the same addiction being more associated with crime. You can imagine how that plays out differently.

So what is the effect of all this? Gendered expectations lead to not only external stigma around addiction and tx, but also to internalized stigma which can limit willingness to seek tx. (2) Many social forces encourage women to drink and discourage them from telling anyone. Factors such as poverty, family planning, access to education, racial discrimination, and location can make services harder to access. Internally, women are more likely to enter treatment with less confidence in their ability to succeed, but report more strengths and more potential to grow recovery strengths during and following tx. For men, the pattern is reversed (3). And women have more successful tx episodes overall when gendered considerations are a part of the design and implementation of services (4). For Nesta, the effect is that she’s forced into treatment and copes by having hate sex with her ex and changing herself to conform to her family’s expectations while the House and the Valkyrie’s actually take care of her. I do not see how Sarah drew the line from there to recovery, I truly don’t. If anything, she recovers in spite of the ICs intervention, not because of it.

In summary, Nesta Archeron deserved better. Nesta deserved the same compassion the book gives to men who are struggling, and it’s a reflection of not just the book’s culture but the author’s culture that she doesn’t get it. Female alcoholics are worthy of treatment that integrates their identities, as those identities are often essential factors contributing to their addiction. What's shown in ACOSF is a reality many women live, and they shouldn't have to.

Barry Loneck, James A. Garrett & Steven M Banks (1996) The Johnson Intervention and Relapse During Outpatient Treatment, The American Journal of Drug and Alcohol Abuse, 22:3, 363-375, DOI: 10.3109/00952999609001665

Groshkova T, Best D, White W. The Assessment of Recovery Capital: Properties and psychometrics of a measure of addiction recovery strengths. Drug Alcohol Rev. 2013;32(2):187–94.

Best D, Vanderplasschen W, Nisic M. Measuring capital in active addiction and recovery: the development of the strengths and barriers recovery scale (SABRS). Subst Abuse Treat, Prev Policy. 2020;15(1):1–8.

Polak, K., Haug, N.A., Drachenberg, H.E. et al. Gender Considerations in Addiction: Implications for Treatment. Curr Treat Options Psych 2, 326–338 (2015). https://doi.org/10.1007/s40501-015-0054-5

#nesta archeron #pro nesta #alcoholism #mental health #sexism #acotar #acosf #stigma #rehabilitation #prythian university #sjm critical

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bubbles-for-all-of-us · 1 year

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BUBBLES!!! okay first um are you okay babes???? I'm kinda worried about you so please keep me updated and tell me how you're feeling!

I promised a headcanon today so here I am!! and I'm gonna talk a bit about Ellie (because she's baby <3)

So you're welcome to expand as much as you want but basically, in my mind, Reader/you and Ellie are very close. There is this very nurturing and motherly bond between the two of you even if you're close in age and you're not her mom. Just like Joel, you feel the need to protect her and make sure she's okay but you actually are open about it. Joel adores her but he's quite clumsy with his feelings and their relationship is just based on the both of them 'acting tough' With you, it's different and when you arrive in Jackson, your caring nature becomes even more indispensable than before. You may ask why as you're all safe, you have a house, food, etc...but because you're not surviving anymore you have to find a new rhythm, discover what 'living' means and for a kid like Ellie who only knew the cruel, harsh world within the QZ, it is particularly difficult. She can't form a bond with children her age and she's also deeply traumatized from the different tragedies in her young life. And she relies on you a lot. I'm going to use the word 'clingy' but really, not as a negative remark. It's just that her development is a bit...backwards? Her early childhood until her teenage years were spent in force independence when she needed love and stability the most. So now that she has this 'stability' she finds herself completely lost and she doesn't know what to do, all she can hold on to is you. Of course, you allow her and encourage that behavior because it's important for her to feel safe and to finally have this 'normalcy' you've known from your early years. Anyway, you have a very close relationship with Ellie and it quickly became a habit that she slept with you while you were camping. Nights were often very cold and it was easy to get scared in the middle of the forest so naturally, you started bringing your sleeping bags together. That habit certainly didn't stop once you arrived in Jackson. Every night, you would take some time after dinner, etc...to tuck Ellie in, make sure she knows she can tell you anything she needs to talk about, remind her you and Joel are right down the hall and kiss her goodnight. Ellie will probably never admit it out loud but the attention and the love you give her make her feel all sorts of ways, it's so pure she almost wants to cry when you treat her with a gentleness she's never been accustomed to before. There are some nights though where Ellie feels worse than others. Sometimes she wakes up screaming from a nightmare and you and Joel found yourself rushing to her bedroom, holding her until she calms down. Sometimes, she wakes up randomly in the middle of the night and she just can't sleep. Sometimes she just needs you. Like tonight.

Aaaaand that's it for tonight!! what do we think?

I really really really hope you're already feeling better when you find this or at least that it could bring you some comfort and yeah, take care of yourself my little bubble ily <3

-🪷

Anh let's break it down.

She's seen way too much for a 14 year old. Done things that no kid should do at age like that as well. Of course it had scared her. Being an orphan, loosing people she loves, never having anyone to lean on had left her broken. So the fact that you, someone who had shown her emotions aka love, care, affection and so on. You are her main source of comfort. Cause now after 14 years of trying to survive on her own she actually has someone who cares.

It scares Ellie though. Probably even more than Joel but since she's a child she very naturally leans to the nurturing mother role that you hold. Because everything in her body is telling her that that's safety, that that's where she wouldn't have to be afraid. For that fact alone I think that the whole adaptation period in Jackson where everyone is like pufff there's nothing to be scared of here would be extremely hard for her. Because big walls, lots man with guns might read safe for most but it ain't for Ellie. So she requires your nurturing even more. She gets worried more easily, her brain still searches for bad things, for a way that she could lose this all.

I think you would be sleeping with her for the first week or so. The room feels strange, the hallway to your room is way too long and way too dark. She's not used to staying in a house. The sheets fell weird. Everything is way too comfy. I feel like you would find her on the floor the first couple of nights. And no matter how much you'll try to convince her to sleep in the bed, she just wouldn't do it. So you have little sleepovers on the floor instead.

You and Joel encourage Ellie to speak about the fears in head. Both sharing your own worries and how communicating them to someone you trust is a great way to let it go and to see a different perspective. But there's never any pushing in it. It she just wants to sit in silence that's what you three will do. Joel is big on taking her out to the farm so she could be around animals. Sticks around to watch her pet them and feed them. Challenging her to a pun war once in a while.

#little lily 🪷#come chat with bubbles 🫧#joel x ellie #joel miller x reader #ellie williams x reader

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lightningthunderstorm · 8 months

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My problem with Sarada’s timeskip outfit

I wasn’t going to do this but with the number of times i have seen that outfit on my FY page on other platforms, I kinda wanna gauge my eyes out.

But I’ll refrain from that and explain why I don’t like it. If you like it that’s your thing.

I won’t be too mean so let’s get to the Pros first.

- This is Ikemoto’s own flare and I respect that. Kishimoto did encourage him to do this own thing rather than copy his style, and he’s doing it, so that’s a plus.

- It helps separate Kishi’s and Ike’s work better.

- It’s kinda cool and fashionable once you get use to it. The outfit is also a continuation of her pre timeskip ( which is also problematic for me)

However, for me the Cons outweighs the Pros about 3 times at least

1. It doesn’t suit Sarada as a person.

She’s quite level-headed and practical since the beginning of the series. Sarada also doesn’t express her emotions openly. She’s not much of a fashion gal who needs to dress cute and sexy all the time as well.

She’s also a responsive and active girl.

As we know, outfit is a big part of character design, it shows the readers part of the character’s characteristics, and we can understand which vibes they gonna give off.

Heels and loose jackets don’t help indicate the activeness, maturity and seriousness that Sarada has.

The jacket and the shoes being big and heavy don’t indicate a powerful taijutsu user who has Chidori ( a technique that is speed based) as one of her arsenal.

Various accessories don’t show a girl who is efficient and analytical right on the spot.

So a drippy and ngl sexy outfit doesn’t help showing what kind of person she actually is.

2. The design doesn’t match the world building

Yes this is peace time, yes it is also a fantasy world, but Naruto character designs have always been more functionalities oriented. Tell me you look at a basic jounin outfit and say it doesn’t scream life bulletproof jacket.

However it’s still a fantasy so not everything has to 100% be functionalism because if that’s the case then they’ll all wear bulletproof jackets.

If you see the main designs of each period you can see how it evolved over time: from samurai-ish armor to bulletproof style jacket and lighter version of it in Boruto time.

This problem comes in 2 parts

- It hinders Sarada’s very own power

She has her mother’s strength and her father’s ninjutsu, which requires her being fast and active. A big bomber jacket which is always fallen on one shoulder ( and stay there with all of her movements smh ) doesn’t help her very physical fighting style.

And you better tell me how this kind of sleeves does not hinder her hands’ signs, esp the thumbs.

- The design contradicts a very crucial element of Naruto’s clothing design: Maneuverability

This one is quite a controversial and people have screamed left and right about this so I’ll just argue some stuff they said

1. Heels are not a problem. She can fight in heels since there were other women in Naruto did that.

Yes and no.

Yes theoretically she can. However Sarada as an active teen Chunin won’t do that.

The famous examples of women who fight in heels were Mei, Tsunade and Konan. However Konan often turns herself into paper and she floats/ flies a lot so she didn’t even need her legs as much lol.

Mei and Tsunade are straight up Kages, they don’t have to fight that often. And when they have to fight, it’s either ambush or a sudden wtf thing appears out of nowhere.

If you look at every Chunin girl designs, none of them fight in heels. Especially those taijutsu specials aka Tenten, Hinata and her mom!

2. There are ppl who wear long coats but still can fight so can she. ( aka the Akatsuki and Hinata)

The coat is part of the character designs to help gives off a cool, dangerous and mysterious vibe for the new villain, so that the readers can be hooked and keep reading.

Still the coat is quite easy to move in even when it’s zipped up.

The lower part ( idk what to call it ) can still split apart after that.

Hinata has a big jacket but it’s to show her shyness and introverted nature, and she zips that shit up wtf.

Summary:

I guess my very main problem is that it doesn’t suit Sarada’s very own character, the others are just favour to the main dishes.

Thank you for reading till the end. I’m also happy to hear other takes on this.

#opinon #naruto #boruto #boruto timeskip #boruto next generation #boruto two blue vortex #design problems #the pre timeskip is also very problematic #she was 12 get a grip #12 didnt dress like that #and sakura is her mom wth #sarada timeskip #sarada uchiha

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bump1nthen1ght · 1 year

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feel free to ignore but i would love to know if you have other characters that are drogo's workmates? i just love the setting of it all (drogo my beloved!! 😔🤝)

Oooh this was such a fun request anon! Hope y'all enjoy some general headcanons about Drogo's coworkers. If you're interested for more just let me know!

(And if you have no clue who were talking about, heres the link to the headcanons about our resident demon Drogo!

Headcanon 1

Headcanon 2

Headcanon 3

Drogo's Coworkers: Belz and Rory Headcanons!

Belz (He/they)

Belz is the champion of smooth talking clients, even among his fellow sex-demon coworkers. They always have a way of getting customers to extend their time, knowing exactly what to say to make them wanting more

Bright blue skin and horns that curl back into his messy, shag hair. Definitely one of those people that can hop right out of the shower and their hair looks perfect

On the smaller side of sex demons because he’s actually half-human! Belz is around 5’9 with a lithe body

(Their mom is this sweet baker who fell in love with their biker incubus dad. Though according to his parents, the baker is the wilder of the two 👀)

Their day job is as an art teacher at a rec center and the local community college.

(Definitely the teacher everyone has a crush on. His billowy tops and boho pants make him feel like a love interest you’d run away to Greece with)

Will flirtatiously offer to be your nude subject if you ever want to practice figure drawings ;).

But then will genuinely paint the most beautiful portrait of you when they feel most inspired. It could be as simple as you sitting in the couch in your undies, but he’ll make you feel like a Renassaince muse.

Secret passion: Rodents, especially his two pet rats, Benny and Jet

Once when they were drunk they tried to call out to an opossum and keep it as pet, Drogo had to pull them away as they cried saying “Look at its little face!!”

Bond with his pets and you’ll be one of their favorite people, period. They’ll gush about their whole life history and how much work he’s put in their rat enclosure.

Like Drogo is very flirtatious with his tail, often holding out your wrist or wrapping around the meat of your thigh as he pats you in the butt

Ror’aman/Rory (She/Her)

Built like a brick SHITHOUSE; I’m talking 6’3, arms like carved marble, and thighs that could split a watermelon open

Bright Lavender skin and long, tall horns. Has thick, wavy black hair that she loves wear loose

Specializes in mommy-dom stuff, mostly because of her deep and raspy voice, but it’s aggressively caring demeanor that gets her the nickname ‘Mama’ in the office

One of her favorite hobbies is sewing; Not only can she make her own sexy outfits but she also has a passion for historical fashion. Going to a Ren Faire with her is a delight.

Loves to dress you up in the outfits she’s made, even having tailoring sessions where she can customize stuff to look absolutely perfect.

Her main source of income is as a personal trainer. She’s mastered the mix of encouraging and fierce where she can push you to your limits yet make you feel confident.

(Also has killer gym fits. All the matching sets that hug her body perfectly)

Like many Succubi, she is super touchy feely. She’ll randomly pet the top of your head or rub the back of your neck, not even realizing the shivers running down your spine

Will scratch the base of your skull with her long acrylic nails, pat your lower back, before giving a soft little kiss on your temple

(I mean c’mon who wouldn’t be like “Mommy 😳”)

Hardest part of staying over at her place? She has a tall person’s shelves, meaning you need a step stool to get everything. Or, she can pick you up by your hips and put you on the counter 😉

Takes play wrestling very seriously. You’ll be trying to grapple her with half strength and she’ll go between your legs and throw you over her shoulder like a fresh hunt, before supplexing you onto the bed

(She sees no problem with this: Fight the bull you get the horns 😤)

#my writing #reader insert #monster x reader #monster romance #headcanons

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lonely--shine · 3 months

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Alnair 🌂🧠 Atlas 🍎🎯 Shell 🎓🍀 Ebis ✨🥊🎯 Marcus 🌂

Thanks for all the questions!! :D Let's see...

*Alnair

🌂 - What genre do they belong in? Fantasy! She's an Arcana game OC, so fantasy all the way in.

🧠 - What do you like most about the OC? They're the perfect mashup of self-insert to project into and character of its own to explore paths I myself would personally not walk through. I also love how she lets me rewrite canon events however I want xD

*Atlas

🍎 - What is the OC’s relationship w/their parents like? In short, pretty good! Atlas has two moms, Naith (they/them) and Irdred (she/her) (and the auntcle/biological father, Laith (she/he/they)) and loves them very much. Atlas picked many interests from them (art, gardening, etc), specially from Naith. And athough he travels far and often (he picked that from Laith), he still keeps in touch regularly and visits home once in a while.

...wow, me giving a character a perfectly healthy background/family. This is rare to happen. Quick, make a wish!

🎯 -What do they do best? All things plants. In magic? That means potions, charms, etc. In daily life? You got him gardening, cooking, brewing tea... If it involves working with plants one way or another, he has you covered.

*Shell

🎓 - How long have you had the OC? I wanna say May 2021? *goes check* Yeah, I posted about her in June 2021 for the first time, so maybe I had her for like. maybe a month before that. Which means I had her for almost three years already? And she's still so little developed? Gods. In my defence I don't choose what my brain fixates on and also my life went to shit in late 2021 and kept like that for two years, so yeah. I want to take better care of my OCs and stories now tho ^^

🍀 - What originally inspired the OC? At first I just needed someone to comfortably play Asra's and Julian's routes with because it didn't quite work with either Alnair nor Atlas. Then I started wondering if it was possible to have one character that fitted all six Arcana routes. So I gave her an angsty backstory by which her identity was stripped and to be reshaped by the route she takes, gave her the name 'Shell' solely so I could have the play on words "Shell is your name and that's what you shall become" as part of her 'curse', and ta-daa! Yet another OC for the collection was born xD

*Ebis

✨- How did you come up with the OC’s name? Okay, bear with me. Ebis is a Submachine OC, loosely based on the Player. And I say 'loosely' because there isn't really any information about Player to base Ebis on. Anyway, in one of the games you get out a padded room and there's the patient number 2183. Which, in digital clock numbers, if mirrored, kinda read like 'Ebis' if you squint hard enough. That's the logic Ebis follows to choose her name, since she wakes up without memories and it's easier to think of herself as 'Ebis' than a 4 digit number anyway.

Maybe it's a dumb way to decide for a name but if it works it works.

🥊 -What do they love to do? What do they hate to do? She loves tinkering away with computer software, which is good for her because she makes a job out of it post-canon (I have not written about that, but it exists in my head), and also numeric games for when she wants to scratch that brain itch without dealing with the inevitable bugs. She also loves gardening and not only that but needs to get her hands into the dirt and feel the sun on her face regularly for optimal mental stability. As for hating... I can only think of anything that would involve her going underground? Trauma related thing, after Submachine she's had enough underground for the rest of her life. Otherwise I don't know, I haven't given much thought to it. Oh! But she's incapable of sitting still and doing nothing, if that counts.

🎯 -What do they do best? She's very good at computers and programming... and the less socially accepted side of it as well (by which I mean she knows how to hack stuff, but she doesn't do that post-canon, and in-canon she does by necessity).

*Marcus

🌂 - What genre do they belong in? As the other Submachine OC I guess sci-fi/fantasy? Adventure? There's some post-apocalypse vibes to much of the game as well. Post-canon this would turn to the fluffy slice-of-life this poor tired man (and Ebis as well) deserves.

And that's all!! I believe I have talked enough for the day, thank you so much for the questions, they made my day :D

#shine answers #ask #ask game #I didn't proof read this so please forgive any typos #the arcana #submachine

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filthforfriends · 1 year

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I created my tumblr as a platform to dump my writing and fan edits, but also as a place where I didn’t have to filter myself. My mental health is so fragile that when something happens to me everyone wants to go straight to fixing it and skip the “wow that sucks” stage. However I’ve learned that feeling my anger is important because for so long my mother filled up all that space emotionally. Here I I can rant and rage and not worry about concealing anything. People whose names I don’t know not only validated my experiences, but often share them or at least understand them in a way that comes with tremendous empathy. But for the first time I’ve paused and I’ve concealed and I’ve questioned whether or not I should post this.

My life is no longer garden variety sucky things took a really disturbing turn just after Christmas. But there are still a variety of reasons I want to post this, mainly I don’t know how to feel or react. Maybe someone else has endured something this violating and humiliating but shoved it way down and felt alone. God knows I share those actions.

If you click beyond this point you’re agreeing that you’re at least in your 20s, mentally stable, and understand that what follows is megafucked

My mom is a published author. I was discouraged from reading her work because it was as very “adult” but at age 15 I snuck a peak on a story that I realized it was not so loosely based on my brother. I know she wrote about her life experiences through the lens of her narcissism and called it fiction, but I thought that the much of her stories was still made up.

So I’m visiting family over the holidays and my cousin whom I haven’t talked to since 2015 could tell that a book my mom published in 2019 was very clearly about me and non-fiction. He said that he tried to read the book but “there was just something about it he didn’t like.” It gave me a strange feeling so I read the short story.

It was absolutely not fictionalized at all. The character had a different name but the story contained my exact medical information, exact dates reactions happened. Extremely specific descriptions of my medical issues, many of which were mental.

There’s no question I should have been taken to a child psychologist. By the age of four I’d developed panic disorder, OCD, attachment disorder, and suicidal tendencies. I was not a happy child I was in constant fear and my mom used every detail of this because my story was compelling. I really can’t stress enough that she changed nothing but my name.

She documented exactly what I said during panic attacks that ruined my life. She documented what I said after attempting to drown myself. When they brought me to a therapist she documented how I behaved in the sessions, what I said, what the therapist said. My mother takes a journal with her everywhere and journals in the morning and evening.

She took all these direct quotes and described my every trauma response and brush with death in the first five years of my life. Confidential, highly specific, private information and she got it published and distributed nationally. I helped her do press on that book because I didn’t know. Now all these people know the most intimate details of my excruciating childhood.

I can only assume she did the same with her last book which several of my high school teachers read because they were her graduate students. She wrote the recommendation letters that helped them get that teaching position. My mother is a respected tenured professor at the university in our city. I cannot exaggerate how trapped I feel right now.

Eden, that sucks but it isn’t disturbing. This is me giving you another chance to scroll.

I found out from reading this non fiction “fiction” about my childhood that I was molested. By my mother. She wrote about molesting me. I had no memory of this particular incidence but I do remember another one like it that I ignored by convincing myself it was an accident. So I know that just like everything else in that story, the molestation did happen. I’ve showed it to a social worker and my therapist who both agree what the scene described.

Absolutely horrifying right? Yeah, especially because it’s on the third page. Especially because she gave this book to every member of my large extended family for Christmas. I can’t believe she allowed me to devote hours to publicity for this book. I got her in a Buzzfeed article. I must look like a imbecile to anyone that attends readings and signing who have read the book themselves.

My working theory is that my mother was just doing to me what was done to her by multiple men in her childhood. I don’t think she was attracted to me as a child. Because of her narcissism she didn’t consider how I might be affected from these experiments. Of course she hasn’t acknowledged what happened on any level. The scene is phrased as if I wanted what was happening to be which of course I didn’t because I was four.

I think poorly concealing it in a story was some sort of absolution. If people read it and didn’t call her out that would mean she did nothing wrong. Every mental health physician has suspected molestation even after I insisted it didn’t happen. They only asked about the men in my life, but never my mother.

I don’t know how to feel or act or change as a person or think about it or treat it. Has this dictated everything about my relationship with sex? Has it dictated nothing about my relationship with sex? How do I move forward?

#tw: sa #tw: mental health #tw: child abuse #tw: sui mention

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spiteless-xo · 10 months

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you’ve got the eren hive in *shambles* in the comments, like in actual tears & threatening to quit lmao i worry for some of them 😭

his popularity kind of surprised me. dunno if it’s because he’s the main character of the canon series but you write him way more charismatic and likeable than he’s ever been so hats off to you and your talent!

who/what inspired how you portray eren? are there aspects you pulled from the source material? your writing choices are interesting so i just wanted to pick your brain a bit ;)

happy birthday, btw!

omg i know!! i feel so bad!! 😭

i knew that there would be more eren fans reading, just based off how easy it is to find fics for him compared to jean, but i had no idea how passionate people would be about their relationship!

jean and eren are both loosely inspired by friends that i had in university, mixed in with some of their canon traits, or how i think their canon traits would change in a modern au

lengthy tbaw eren character analysis below (up to chp19) 🙈 no spoilers for tbaw or manga

canon traits

eren has always been charismatic in my opinion. he was able to convince a bunch of trainees to join the scouts even though it was dangerous and he led the jaegerists. i think his charisma in canon is overshadowed by his emotional outbursts, but i think it’s still there

in tbaw this translates to him being a fuckboy 💀 growing up as an attractive, horny guy, he would realize quickly that he can charm his way into sleeping with people, so i think he’d do that often

BUT he’s really insecure. he always blames himself when missions go wrong, so it’s like he’s always looking for an excuse to be the villain

in tbaw, i think this manifests as him seeing himself as only being good for sex. he could be a nice guy that just sleeps around, but instead he really embodies all of the negative stereotypical traits of a fuckboy because of his negative self perception and it’s easier for him to make peace w being the bad guy if he also acts like the bad guy (ex. the shit w floch)

eren has always cared deeply about his friends and family and is willing to do anything for them. in tbaw, eren’s the same way but it might be harder to see because we don’t see eren with any of his friends. but we’ve seen glimpses of this from the flashback w jean in the eren pov chapter and also the knowledge from jean’s mom that eren used to stand up for armin as kids.

however, he definitely sees reader as a friend (plus more), so the love and care that he shows her is consistent w how i think he would treat other friends.

deviations from canon

canonically, eren is very emotion-driven 💀 he’s impulsive and brash and always causing chaos whereas in tbaw id say he’s more restricted by his emotions. kind of like in season 4 when he becomes weirdly emotionless, tbaw eren refuses to acknowledge his emotions (unless it’s anger)

tbaw eren is also more logical. when talking w reader and giving her advice, he’s very direct and tells her exactly what she should do, without considering how emotions might affect things

there’s more that i could say about his character in tbaw but it would spoil future plot points and the ending 💀

but this is kind of the stuff i like to keep in mind when i’m writing eren and his thoughts/actions/motivations

#eren #tiff.ask #tbaw.fic

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coentinim · 5 months

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A tip for worldbuilding architecture: look at what materials are available nearby, and then pick a style on really like. As for matriarchies, they are not incompatible with agriculture, but often, what comes out in terms of economical structures is either warring cultures or sea-farring cultures. Both imply that the men would be gone for a good part of the year, and thus would be physically unable to command any wife. It is also not incompatible with slavery, although, not chattle slavery. For fantasy creatures, the structure would be more unique. If in the wider culture, there is a subculture that would be at frequent risk of mob violence, than, the family structure would most likely be patriarcal, so as to protect the women, unless the females are considerably stronger in brute force than males.

I have decided not to make a matriarchy in the world I planned to, since it would kind of ruin the conflict as the male and female protagonist must stand on equal political grounds. He is even slightly advantageous, but it's because he's from a higher noble family than her (they're distantly related). They basically fight for power and battle past traumas, and I wanted to eliminate any sexism that would additionally limit my (very gender non-conforming and crazy) female protag. The male protagonist's family is patriarchal in the sense that the father happens to be the head of the house, but both men and women can inherit and pass on the name, it all depends on age first and skill second.

For architecture style, I was going to base it on Polish/middle-European in general architecture since I rarely see that in fiction unless the story is set in Germany. But I think the land of my female main character is being actively colonized so I have yet to decide how it affects her surroundings. It isn't a metaphor for anything historical since she's white, it's just important for the backstory.

But turns out I already had a matriarchal world without thinking about it much???

I have a whole culture made up inspired by Mesopotamia with some Mexica culture mixed in because why not, and they do live off of the sea and are a matriarchy! I didn't know that it goes along before, it's just that the idea that sparked this was me at 12 playing with dolls and I had like 15 girls and 2 boys so, no room for the king. Silly inspiration is the best. Also sea foraging went along with the type of magic I wanted to include. It's for a different set of OCs though, and the matriarchy is... a female monarch who indulges too much in life and basically enslaves pariahs of her land. The main OC's mom became one of those "mandatory Palace workers" after being accused of witchcraft against the monarch (she's guilty lol). So yeah it's a whole other mess I have yet to even draw people for. Brute force matters there so the guards and physical workers are mostly male, but there are a few people who practice magic, and they are mostly in power, but not always. There's a whole order of women who worship the goddess of femininity, and it's not unheard of that if a man does something to his wife or kids, they curse him or outright kill him. I mean, the Mexica/Aztec inspiration extends to human sacrifice, and they need to please the goddess who in mythology ate her husband so he could ascend to paradise... fictional mythology, idk if that was a thing in any mythology. Zeus ate his ex wife Temis I think, though??

Also the order can accept trans women (in today's understanding they'd be trans women, for them it was different, they don't really have the concept of gender at ALL and gender/sex based roles are vague and loose), if they go through a full transition (castration and a lot of weird potions that would have little to no physical effect but a lot of spiritual).

There are other temples and gods, but I don't think there's any with male-only worhippers.

#answer☆#my ocs <3

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mikey-putrid · 1 year

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✨About Me✨

Thanks so much for the tag, @n-brio!!

NICKNAME: Mostly just Mike or Mikey lol. Some people who have known me for a long time might still know me as Junk or Machi, but I don’t really use those anymore.

SIGN: Scorpio. I don’t really believe in this kind of stuff, but it’s fun. :)

HEIGHT: 5'4", but I’m 6′5″ in my heart!

LAST GOOGLE SEARCH: “Red Dead Redemption 2 Walkthrough”. I just started playing the game after years of watching other people and I needed to refresh my memory lol.

SONG STUCK IN YOUR HEAD?: Randomly remembered this gem from my childhood the other night and it’s been on replay in my brain since.

FOLLOWERS: 82.

LUCKY NUMBER: Don’t have one. I have dyscalculia, so numbers are evil.

SLEEP: I have no sleep schedule, but I sleep a lot,,, I plop down whenever I’m tired...which is often...

DREAM JOB: Broadway Actor! I love musicals and acting is fun. Voice actor or let’s player would be cool too!

WEARING: A very old National Geographic shirt that used to belong to my grandpa and black shorts.

FAVORITE SONGS: I always have trouble with this question because I very rarely go looking for new music,,,

What Could Have Been by Sting (from Arcane) Who Is In Your Heart Now? by Studio Killers Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne Stardust by IAMX Ghost by Mystery Skulls

I’m also OBSESSED with the Hadestown soundtrack! Highly recommended musical!

FAVORITE INSTRUMENT: I think vocals count? I’m not actually very knowledgeable when it comes to instruments, but a good vocal performance gives me chills.

AESTHETIC: I mostly go for a creepy/cute feel with a mix of kidcore and horrorcore, but I don’t actually believe in sticking to one aesthetic. There’s a lot of vintage, grunge, gothic, and fantasy laying around here too.

FAVORITE AUTHOR: Uhh, I don’t really have one! I pay more attention to the books than who wrote them, if that makes sense. Watership Down is my all time favorite book though, so I guess Richard Adams?

FAVORITE COLOR: Any shade of blue, but any color can be beautiful with the right scheme! I tend to lean towards schemes with blues, blacks or purples the most.

FAVORITE ANIMAL SOUNDS: Tiny cat mews. :,)

LAST SONG: Africa by Toto. It was on the radio in the car when my mom and I ran to the store yesterday lol.

LAST SERIES: Like a show? I don’t really watch a lot of series, I have trouble starting new things,,, I think the last thing I binged was Arcane. Can’t wait for the next season! Now, if we’re talking video games, I’m working through Psychonauts! Finished the first game a while ago, watched a playthrough of ITROR and am now working on Psychonauts 2.

RANDOM: Uhh, have a spider character I drew. I got really mad about how much potential the character Angel Dust from Hazbin Hotel has and decided to make my own spider character loosely based on him, but more suited to my personal tastes lol. His name is Magenta. (PLEASE ignore how uneven the back pattern is. I’m aware. I am not a great artist.)

Tagging @sofarfarout and @n0bodyshere because you’re the only people I feel comfortable tagging, but you absolutely don’t have to!!

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ryuka-takane · 1 year

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🖤Hey, welcome to my RP blog for Ryuka! This character is my OC for Alice in Borderland. I've been writing a fic with her, but this blog is specifically for RP interaction. I accept interactions/prompts through ask.🖤

A few rules:

Canon-typical violence is allowed. But please do not god-mod.

Mun is NOT muse, please do not confuse the two! When OOC, I will indicate it with parentheses.

Respect mun's personal life. Mun is barely divorced and trying to sort life out as a single mom to a baby born in '22 of October, so very much still needs me when I'm not at work. (Job searching since I've moved)

Family comes first for mun, work second, and then hobbies such as fic writing and RP.

Making a pass at mun at any time is unacceptable; I have had it happen before, but will be quick to shut it down. If we are RPing and this happens, the RP will also be stopped if my boundaries aren't respected. We can be friends, mun just isn't looking for more than that!

Minors DNI! This blog, as with my main blog, is 18+ only. Mun is 29 going on 30 this year, and I will not budge on this rule.

Smut is not a topic I particularly wish to delve into. Romance is fine, but Muse (Ryuka) only has romantic interest in Chishiya, and thus, I consider her to be demisexual. Other writing will be platonic. Again, please don't cross Mun and Muse when it comes to romantic interactions.

Have fun!!

Rules being covered, here's Muse's bio!

Ryuka Takane (she didn't originally have a last name; Takane is her last name)

-----------------------

Age: 24

Height: 5'3"

Weight: 115 lbs (based upon BMI research)

Hair color: Chestnut brown with crimson streaks

Hair length: Falls to her upper thighs, with sideswept bangs. Eventually cut just above her collarbone (events leading to this may differ from fic)

Skin color: Pale, but not devoid of melatonin.

Eye color: Golden hazel

Profession before the Borderland: Customer Service Representative in a music store; specialized in the guitar section, particularly bass.

Nationality: Japanese-Korean-American (Mother is full blooded Japanese, father is Korean-American)

Personality:

Ryuka Takane is typically soft spoken and keeps to herself, outside of her job. Though ready and willing to help customers, when it comes to social interaction outside of work, she prefers to keep to herself. She has very few friends because of this, but once attached to someone, whether in friendship or otherwise, she will defend them unless they give her reason not to.

Ryuka has a hot temper hidden behind her sweet, quiet demeanor. It's both easy to fluster her, and to make her tick. She's seen herself as an outcast since childhood, and her lack of social interaction as a result has made it difficult for her to manage her emotions at a base level. Witnessing a divorce as a young teen caused some hang ups with romantic viewpoints, and resulted in a terribly failed relationship at 17 years of age, after which she swore not to get attached to anyone again (and hasn't). One may describe her as being "tsundere," if they get to be around her for long enough.

Ryuka has a moderate level of intelligence, often surprising others around her at how perceptive she can be, though her skills are best suited to pattern recognition and reading facial queues. She isn't a genius by any means, but she makes an effort to let her intelligence be known if slighted.

Attire:

Ryuka is typically seen wearing three colors--black, violet, and lime green. She cycles through loose fitting hoodies and skinny jeans, to regular form fitting t-shirts and tank tops with skinny jeans. Combat boots are her preferred shoe. Most of the hoodies she's had typically have cat ears sewn onto the hood of them. She likes to wear wrist bands as well, and may occasionally be seen wearing a choker. Save for her ears, she has no other piercings.

Hobbies: Singing (when alone), dancing (again, when alone), playing bass guitar.

Likes: Music, alone time, cherry blossoms, k and j-pop, j-metal and American metal

Dislikes: Excessive physical activity (though she has excellent stamina and reactionary skills), being lied to, extroverts, being treated as if she's stupid.

Fun fact: Ryuka can absolutely hold her own in a fight if she needs to. That isn't to say that she doesn't slip up at times, getting herself hurt if she grows overconfident in her ability to take someone down, but most would be surprised at how tough this tiny woman is.

#aib #alice in borderland #aib oc #alice in borderland oc #aib rp #alice in borderland rp #aib roleplay #open rp #open roleplay #oc #original character #character bio #ooc post #rp rules #feel free to send prompts through ask!#chishiya alice in borderland #chishiya shuntaro #specifically looking to interact with Chishiya RPers as well as Kuina Niragi Arisu and Usagi for now

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bilbobagginshome · 1 year

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A Deadbeat’s Journal 17

A Jotaro Kujo x Blackfemreader fic

Jotaro’s thoughts.

I thought about her throughout the day . I wished I could see what was going on at Mom Faith’s house. Would she need me to shield her from her mother’s rage ? She couldn’t decide to go back home right ? I kept thinking of heading there but the workload from the previous day caught up with me .However, thanks to y/n, I’ve completed the paper and I’m sending it off.

“Hey , since you're almost done I’ll wait for you so that I can lock up” Atieno says as she glances at me cleaning up the desk .

“Thanks.” I respond as I take my briefcase.I switch off all the electronics and lock the door, pocketing the keys. Noticing this , Atieno grabs her purse and we walk out.

“So, you and Noriaki, how’s it going?”

“It's going slow enough for me to be comfortable, he’s a bit impulsive so I try not to encourage him.” She smiles as I walk her to her car .She then adds

“What about you and y/n?”

“We’re just friends.”

“Really? Then why did you decide to stop sleeping with me?” She enquiries.

“Don’t say that out loud! You never know who’s around.Anyways, she moved in with me.” I respond, already exhausted at how blunt she was . She scoffs in response and adds

“I have a home too and you know it very well.”

I never took the FWB thing seriously , did it help the frustrations at the beginning of my project? Immensely but I barely called her more than once a month ,she actually seemed more into it than me considering how often she’d make the first move.

“Why did you bring this up anyway?” I question, slightly panicking at the thought that she may have some feelings for me .

“I’m taking Noriaki seriously so I’ll let you hit just one more time before I establish myself with him.” She cheekily responds, a foxy smile already in place.

“No thanks. Plus don’t tell him about us , I won’t be comfortable.” I briskly respond. She giggles in response and bids me bye as she closes her car door and drives off.

I mean we had a great time while it lasted but that was all it was, a good time. I’ve also never being one to engage in no strings attached sexual favours so that was somehing that may have put me off a bit about our whole endeavour. Also , when y/n moved in , I felt uncomfortable with her being aware of that part of my life. I mean she was at the time just a friend and that's a loose iteration of our relationship at the time so her being aware of my relationships seemed invasive.I decide to go to Ms Faith’s place and I head to Nyali.

The watchmen open the gates to the beautifully hidden mansionette, a feat of her hard work over the years. I park on the side of the house and walk in . As I enter, I smell a mixture of savory and sweet foods and as I head to the large dining , a feast is being laid , it seems she went all out .I greet the aunties who are just done preparing the table and they smile and wave in response.On the side is the even larger , modern sitting room y/n and her mom talking calmly whilst mom , gramps and granny Rhoda are having their own separate conversation. Y/n , the only one aware of my existence looks up and greets me which I return before greeting everyone else.

Based on the conversations it seemed the elephant in the room was recognised and the tension seems all but non existent. I sit in the sofa and granny Rhoda immediately asks,

“Jotaro, how old are you again , Sorry this old woman is always forgetting.”

“I’m 26 grandma.” I politely respond

“Oh my! It’s about time we begin looking for a wife for you! Your mom was mentioning how much she misses taking care of kids.” She says beaming teeth exposing my mom who looks away. It's about time they began bringing up the marriage discussion. If I were not falling in love, I would have brushed off the topic. Before I attempt to respond she continues on by saying,

“Y/n told me you are single and your mom has a wide selection of girls for you to look at both from Japan, America and Kenya.” She pulls out her tablet and like a sushi conveyor belt, begins displaying the different girls that I should be interested in . Y/n hides a laugh as she looks at me and Mom and the old man are both amused and intrigued. But all I’m wondering is if my picture is also being distributed like an advert to these same girls who, although attractive, I find completely dull.

“Mama, maybe we should eat first . Jotaro is from work and I can only assume how tired he is .” Mom Faith says , already aiding granny Rhoda from her seat.

“Okay but take our considerations at heart dear, we only want you to be happy.”She responds as she takes away the tablet. We all head to the dining and y/n opts to sit next to me.

“Did you find anyone interesting?” She asks in amusement while placing biryani sauce on her plate.

“Y/n you should serve the man first .”Granny admonishes.

“The man in question has hands and feet .” She mockingly responds and granny seems ready to beat her with her cane.

“It's fine granny .” I respond as I plate some bread to eat with the biryani.

“No it's not , besides she’s also at marriage age and look at how she acts!” She exclaims as she gestures at y/n taking some of my naan for herself. Gramps and Holly simply laugh and mom Faith silences granny with a glance. It seems just like me , she is unamused with the marriage talk surrounding y/n.

As I eat , I contemplate whether y/n can get married to anyone else. She is growing to be an empathetic, loving girl but who really deserves that version of her when they didn’t see her at her worst and were okay with that? I don’t even think I deserve her.I mean she is-

“Yo, we are heading out , can I pack something?” Y/n asks as she gestures to me and her . I was so preoccupied with hypotheticals that I forgot dinner was ending. Mom Faith instructs her to the kitchen where the auties are packing her food.

“Did you like any of the girls?” Mom slowly asks as we move out of the house.

“No. Did you need to use granny as a buffer?”

“No, I just wanted to see your reaction. Didn't expect for you to even go through with it.”she responds . Gramps laughs hard as he listens to granny recount something that could be about some old thing . Y/n walks out of the house with mom faith in tow in silence though none are tense which is nice . We hug goodbye,mom Faith calling an uber to take Mom and gramps home and with promises of a weekend visit before they head back, we leave.

I aid y/n with getting in and after putting the food in the backseat, quickly walk to the front and start the engine.

“So, what did you guys talk about?”

“She apologised and said even though my room is always open, I can stay with you.”

I smile, happy that the rope over my head had teleported someplace else. I could literally feel my muscles relaxing . I hum back and say,

“Good . I would have attempted a break out had you been forced to stay there.”She barks out in laughter, glossy eyes already streaming tears at my statement. She calls me absurd , I was being completely serious.

“By the way, why did you not find someone to consider marrying?”

“I’m in my twenties y/n”

“That’s code for ‘I’m a whore’”she jabs.

“I barely know who they are and yes I’m only 26.I don’t want to be tied down.Did she do the same thing to you?” I hope I inquired well rather than sounding desperate.

“She’s been doing this since I passed my bar exam. It's almost custom at this point.” She simply responded whilst glancing at the moving trees on the window.Why wasn’t I aware? So technically granny has been on the prowl for a while? I then ask

“So did you find anyone?” I tone blankly , any sign of annoyance should not even be noticed by the lawyer.

“No, I went on one date though. The guy was sweet, loaded and a tad boring.Mama at least knows my type well enough.” She yawns out, drowsiness taking a front seat in her thought process.

“Oh then what, Or are you guys still talking?” The suspense is killing me.

“Nothing , wasn’t interested and he married recently so there’s that.” She manages to coherently say as her eyelids struggle to remain open. I decide to stop the impromptu interrogation.As I park, I carry the food in one arm and place an already snoring y/n on my shoulder. Some of the tenants are baffled , others stare lovingly as they greet me.

I quickly open the door and place her slowly on her bed , coaxing her to shower and brush her teeth before bed.She begrudgingly agrees , takes a quick five minute shower and changes. She scoops Samosa up and goes to bed after saying a groggy goodnight and thank you.

I’m still awake from all the energy drinks and decide to watch some news. I don’t even remember the last time I read a newspaper. I just need to push through the remaining month and I’ll be good . It's during moments like these that I’m most susceptible to doing actions I won’t be so proud of. My phone is literally right beside me and I can’t seem to focus on the jibber jabber of the anchors, mind is racing at the innuendo Atieno suggested. I could take her up on the offer and possibly hold a guilty conscience around Noriaki the next time we meet up or I could just jerk it off and get it over with . Yeah , the latter seems like the less mentally straining idea.

Switching off the TV, I head to my bathroom. The only reason I got this apartment was because of the ensuite bedrooms . I won’t be bothering y/n and she won’t be hearing me behave in a “manlike” way as she likes to put it. It's disgusting that I thought of y/n. I mean considering she has been running my mind(quite tyrannically in my opinion) it's a given that she would be a key player in my perverted impulses but I couldn’t help feeling guilty.I just felt all the frustrations pouring away as I wanked it out like a horny teenager.

I’ve always had the worst case of post nut clarity.Even as I ensured all my partners received proper aftercare, I hated the actions that got us there.I always thought that side to me was the reason I couldn’t keep someone.I could never feel satisfied . I always felt stupid, chasing a high that I hated.

Was it that rush of dopamine that I really wanted?.I can imagine her sleeping, contented unaware of the dirty thoughts that caused my-

“Jojo, why are you still awake?”y/n asks , glass of water in her hand.

“Caffeinated. Don’t worry about it .”I attempt to shoo her away.

She drinks half of her glass, then hands the other half to me . I drink it all,setting the glass next to my bed drawer.She shoves her way past me and begins to sleep on my bed.

“What are you doing?”

“I can hear the wheels turning in your head for some reason. I’m here to remind you to just sleep. If it's about work then Thursday is another day, don't let the gloomy clouds of tomorrow cast a shadow on the blue skies of today.” That was heartwarming enough.

Even though I’m just done masturbating over visions of the girl I’m cuddling next to, I don’t feel the slightest impulse of sexual restrait. I feel comforted , loved and cherished. This made me feel better.

Waking up at six , I notice the sun has begun sleeping in , preparing for its longer nights of rest in the rainy season . I attempt to move away from her. Y/n’s grip on my clothes is almost superhuman and I improvise with a bedsheet.The jog down the beach is the most comforting time. I’m only ever met with other joggers and sometimes get to pet some dogs. Then the gym.Weight lifting is literally one of my only strands in sanity so I use the time resourcefully . I hose myself before going to the apartment for a deep clean . Y/n showed me the African scrub and gave me a dove soap bar and my life has never been the same since. I literally wonder how I survived without the exfoliating scrub. Afterwards, I start on my skin care. I can proudly say that I started this habit on my own. When I turned 20 I got really bad acne and for a person who has never been ugly , this was an existential crisis but after dermatologist recommendations and some youtube tutorials I ended up keeping a stable routine. Sure a part of me was embarrassed by how girly it was but remembering the pain of scratching my acne prone face was enough to put me on something that kept them at bay.

I am quite hungry so I prepared some mixed grain porridge with some of the packed naan. Y/n by this time is awake so I just need to wait for her to wake up.

“Morning.” I say as I watch a yawning figure emerge alongside her fluffy, tinier shadow.

“Morning . Porridge and naan, nice.” She says as she grabs a bowl, spoon and plate.

We discuss the weekend plans since Mom and gramps are going home on Saturday. We need to head over to Mom Faith’s house for dinner on Friday and drop them off in the morning before we go shopping . Genuinely seems like a socially draining weekend after a mentally taxing week but I’ll just have to keep pushing especially seeing how y/n lights up at the thought of shopping.

Soon Friday arrives and dinner is even more wonderful than the last one. I'm seriously contemplating letting y/n stay with her family for the sake of having the weekly dinners we used to have when I moved. Granny is still as adamant as ever, somewhat annoyed that I haven’t budged despite it being barely two days since the last time she was taking me through her archives of potential suitors.This time we introduced Samosa to the rest of the family .Everyone, including the aunties, were fawning over her, she loved the pets and attention but hated how granny ignored her. Eventually they came to a truce, she sat at granny’s feet who did not attempt to move her away.

By Saturday morning , I and y/n wake up at 4 to take Mom and gramps home. I feel slightly annoyed at the fact that I couldn’t even have personal time with mom . I know it sounds very mommy’s boy of me but I never got time for just us to talk . I know through the phone that dad is home a lot more now and he is making effort to be more present in everything pertaining her life which is comforting , however, I would really like to have heard this conversation in person rather than a facetime call where the man in question could be eavesdropping but oh well..

As we wait for their flight to be called out , y/n and gramps excuse themselves as he suddenly has the urge to see the shops around the airport.

“Hi Jojo,” She sweetly calls out my name.

“Hi mom.”I reply, looking down at her with a smile.

“I’m sorry we didn't have time for ourselves . When I come with otousan in August I’ll make sure we spend time together.”she apologises while she pats my arm in comfort . I reciprocate the appreciation by holding her hand to mine and a verbal assurance that it's okay.

“Y/n told me about your workload.She’s very worried about your work schedule and I couldn’t help but agree, are you going to be prolonging your Easter Holiday?” She worriedly queries.

“Yeah, I’ll make it a week. Don't worry , just one more week of toughening it out then I’ll take a break.” I confirm.

“Since that’s out of the way, I just have a question, Are you and y/n developed anything romantic since she started living with you.”she questions a mischievous smirk threatening to turn to a full blown grin.

“I don't know, don't tease me . I definitely have seen the less bratty side of her and that has turned to a cool dynamic.” I simply reply , telling her too much is practically a declaration of love to her .

“I told you I met your otousan during his American tour but what I didn’t tell you was how quickly he acted once he realised that he loved me. I was swept off my feet because of the love he still shows me. Don’t let time make you procrastinate. Y/n is a beautiful, intelligent woman capable of her own independence and based on the suitors on her doorstep , it may not be long before she is soon swept off her feet.” She slightly warns. I stiff up and ask

“What suitors?”

“She never told you? I mean it wouldn’t have been your business but before graduation, a total of 10 men were already at her grandma’s doorstep requesting her hand . And they were not your ordinary guys . She rejected them only because of either age gaps or just disinterest.”

Well damn.

Before I could start interrogating mom further , her flight was called and y/n and gramps came right after the announcement. We hug goodbye and they soon head off the gate.

We walk back to the parking spot and y/n says

“I’m so sad,I had grown so attached . I was practically with them all the time.”she sadly says whilst she attempts to buckle her stubborn seatbelt.

“They may be back for longer during August.” I reply as I aid in buckling down the seatbelt. She responds well to it and we discuss shopping plans.

When we arrive home, we find Samosa eating and decide to simply eat at the cafe within the mall and shop so that we can arrive earlier.

“Wear something easy to remove, you know you’ll be changing alot.” She advices as she moves to change.I choose a simple tshirt and shorts and it seems y/n has the same idea with an oversized shirt and jean shorts .

We bid Samosa bye and set off . It's surprisingly full despite it being early morning but the boutiques are not.

“Since my style is top tier , I don't need to model the clothes but you do so we’ll be checking for you.”

“That’s unfair, I’m quite good at dressing myself and I’d like to see your clothes too.”I grunt in protest.

“Okay grumpy pants, I’ll model them at home.So let's go.”

We begin the search . I’ve been leaning a bit to minimalistic monochromatic fits so rather than completely shedding off the identity I decide to add some colour and texture that carries the blase outfits from just basic to basic with personality .

Y/n gives me silk and linen shirts in warm toned colours.She seems very into it because she constantly checks my undertone in comparison to the shirts she chooses. Immediately she looks at an outfit she likes, she throws it onto the baskets I’m carrying . By the time we make it to the fitting room , We are three basketful of clothes.

“Go change baby boy and make sure you strut whilst doing so.”she brazenly says to the amusement of a staff member nearby.

And who am I to disappoint?

I’m not one to beat my own drum but with a physique like mine, it's almost guaranteed that any slightly loose fitting item would be seen as runway ready and based on her continuous approval and picture taking y/n agrees . By the time we are done with my spree, the area is filling up and we quickly pay to stop the emerging crowds,

As we walk out I ask,

“So we are shopping for you now right.”

“Yep.”

“Can I choose?”

“Only one basket.”

“Deal.”

I divert from her once we set ourselves into her favourite boutique. Y/n loves flowy outfits but since she shopping for more work appropriate clothes I suppose tight fitting modest dresses would be the way to go. I glance onto a turtle neck form fitting black dress with flowy arms and immedietly understand why she shops here so much as I pick it up. After a few more skirts and dresses and the dawning realisation that I love seeing her in the aforementioned , I head to the cashier where we meet again . She takes a glance at my picks and says

“The outfits look interesting.”

“So do yours.”

“I can’t wait to try them.”

I hmmed in response.

“What’s your buy goods number?”I question , phone out, ready to pay.

“You’re paying ? You know I still have that money you gave me.”

“Of course, don’t be ridiculous.”I grunt back.

“I love rich men.” She boldly responds and the cashier hides their growing grin with a cough.

Once we are done, we walk for lunch . We are craving ramen bowls so we head to a restaurant outside the mall. The large Japanese styled interior makes me feel a bit homesick but the ramen soothes my sudden discomfort. We talk less and eat more , y/n loves the koi fish stream that surrounds the dining area and I make a note to bring her here more often.After getting some sushi to go, we head home.

Immediately we arrive , y/n grabs her bags from me and rushes to her room . Knowing full well her enjoyment for overly exaggerated reveals I simply amuse her by sitting in the sofa,

“Don’t open your eyes until I tell you to.”

After a slight pitter patter,

“Okay open.”

The turtleneck dress is stunning on her . I seriously couldn’t believe that I willingly bought her a dress that would catch so much attention . Her figure perfectly complements it and as she turns my jaw is loosely held on my face.

“It should be a crime to be this hot.” Something about my honest opinion led to her looking down at me in absolute glee and a twinkle of lust though all she said was ‘Aww’ and proceedes to catalogue her other fits. All of her work fits made me consider locking her in because no one deserves seeing her, not even me.We did end up choosing similar outfits and she loved all the outfits I chose which made me so proud because I kept second guessing her style, mentally filing at the amount of times I saw her in formal wear.

We wind down the day with sushi and wine at the under utilised balcony , overlooking the golden horizon reflected by the encompassing ocean and as she reads through her novel, fully immersed, I can’t help but realise how lucky I am to be within her presence.

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#Jotaro kujo Jotaro x reader jotaro x reader Jotaro x black reader jotaro x yn jotaro x black yn jotaro imagines jotaro scenarios jjba jojo

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solarsavoy · 1 year

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Hello! May I ask 1, 8, and 10 for Deshi, or 2, 8, and 9 for Stag?

(To my other readers out there, yes I'm procrastinating, but this also gets me in the mood to write.)

For Deshi.

1 - What’s their ancestry? Where’s their family from? Do they know? Are they proud of their ancestors?

So Deshi's dad is presumably Japanese, but he left when Deshi was 8 and Mom doesn't talk about him. He is in fact Japanese, but Deshi's unsure of this. His paternal grandmother died before he was born and his paternal grandfather died when he was 1 or 2, so he has little to no memory of them. As for his mom, I go back and forth on what I want her to be, but I know she's from Europe. Originally, I wanted her to be Italian, but now I'm wondering if she's half and half of something else. Deshi is loosely based on my own ancestry, my father also being Japanese but I don't know him, but I wanted him to have two different cultures than my mom, who was a half and half between two herself. So I want his mom to be at least half Italian, and Deshi definitely knows this about her (and all of her ancestry) but her entire family resides in Europe. He's visited them once or twice in his life, but seeing as it's expensive and Mom doesn't work (she gets life insurance for the father's disappearance, he was ruled deceased so she could get access) they don't really go that often. Also, then never come to visit them in America (which is totally rude, but eh, it happens.)

He isn't particularly proud of his ancestry, but he doesn't hate it either. He's very neutral about things like that (he gets it from me, at least for how I feel on my mom's side), but he often argues with certain things he inherited from his father such as his thin frame and inability to gain sufficient weight in muscle because of his genetics. Not without at least trying to gain it anyway, lol. 😅

8 - How do they feel about their government? Or other forms of authority?

He respects it a lot except when it comes to his mom, which I'll explain in a bit. He's that guy that follows all the rules and overly worries about breaking them. Also known as the party pooper when it comes to staying out late or trying a bit of alcohol and other shenanigans that teenagers usually tend to do. It really stresses him out because he cares a lot about not breaking the rules.

A lot of this stems from his home life. When his father left, his mother subconsciously laid a lot of responsibilities onto Deshi because of her grief. Deshi did a lot for a kid, and started to confuse the line between parent and child more often than he should've. This is why he respects authority so much, because he is an authority figure in his sister's life, and she does everything except listen and respect Deshi, which is very frustrating. As he gets older, he often fights with his mom because sometimes, she treats him like an adult, and other times, she treats him like a child. He really hates this confusion and would rather just be a child, but then it just gets insulting to his intelligence and then she'll ask him to do something like babysit his sister or do the yard work, all a man's job in his eyes, which usually ends in a fight. This also affects Sasaki, who is very precocious, because she views Deshi as a child but for whatever reason, he gets these special "adult priviledges" that she fully believes she is more deserving of.

10 - What would absolutely destroy them? What can’t they live without?

While on Earth, if anything were to happen to his mom or sister while he was there, it would destroy him. He would blame himself and maybe even take it to the extreme because even though it wasn't a responsibility he asked for, it's one he had. If he feels responsible, or like he was the only one that could have changed something, it would destroy him to not be able to handle that responsibility, no matter how great a responsibility it was.

For Stag.

2 - If they could be or do anything in the world, who would they be? What would they be doing? What does their ideal world look like?

He actually gets there (technically, not explaining why it's technically). It's funny because you asked the perfect questions that reveal these character's growth arcs. 😊 In his ideal world, he would be free. He's a free spirit in a lot of ways, but for most of his life, he was tied down by trauma and responded with avoidance. He eventually learns to face his past so he can move on and be free, although it takes a while, and ends up in his ideal world with the person he loves. Initially, they travel together, picking up lovers and leaving them only to come back later and have more fun. He does this for years until they settle down and his partner continues to travel while Stag essentially becomes a stay at home dad. He ends up in Estes, the least populated kingdom, so he can continue to hunt and be one with nature while raising his kids. His ideal world is having the freedom to do what he wants, when he wants, without judgment or trauma or anything weighing him down.

The ultimate freedom of his heart, mind and soul.

He is a free spirit. 😊

8 - How do they feel about their government? Or other forms of authority?

He tends to fight against it when it doesn't agree with him and the closer it is to him, for example Lord Carroll, the harder he fights. This stems from his past trauma of basically being abandoned by his authority figure, so he's reluctant to trust that they have his best interests at heart. For good reason, if you ask me.

9 - What’s their perfect day look like?

This obviously depends on which version of Stag you're asking, so I'll do the one for book 2. It's not exactly what happens, but they're all parts of the reasons he really falls for Deshi. (And man he falls hard.) So details are changed, but if done in this order in this way, it would easily be his perfect day. (Only made more perfect if it were with his number one.) He gets up insanely early because Deshi is stressing out about something, so Stag distracts him by pulling pranks on the night guards. Then they watch the sunrise together from up high on the castle. During the day, they end up late for classes but spend a bunch of time goofing around and while fighting Lord Carroll in a two-on-one fight, they actually win. Then after class, they go and explore some parts of the kingdom together. The end up at the Fiend's Nest and, even though Deshi fights it, which is cute, they dance and the night ends with a kiss. They're both horribly exhausted by the end and they stay in the same room (not sexual) and Stag gets to cuddle Deshi while they sleep. Other notable interactions are talking about the people they like and mutual teasing about their crushes on people. Also, Lord Carroll participates in the prank war later in the day and Stag and Deshi end up pulling the ultimate prank on Lord Carroll which makes him act like a sore loser. Also also, they talk about their pasts, which may not seem all that important, but Stag hasn't even told Lord Carroll about his past. Having the heart to tell someone something that deep means a lot to him.

Anyway, enjoy the fluff, but be warned that this is a fabrication based on the events in book 2 and not actual events in book 2. Regardless, there are reasons Stag develops a crush on Deshi, and I can't wait to release the Second Fragment. 🥰

Thanks so much for the ask, @magicalflyingfish, it was a lot of fun to explore these questions. And now I want to work on Krystar... 😅 Well, on to writing!

Ask thing.

#solarsavoyasks #Krystar #Stag Malinay #Deshi Gushiken

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anythingamarantha · 23 days

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Meet Athanasius

Depending on what universe he's in, sometimes he's the big brother or more of an uncle figure to Aylwen; whom I made a post about awhile ago. While the only art I have of him is as a sprite, he's normally between the ages of 28-45. I generally picture him as an older character. He was originally created as a Drapion Gijinka, so he had claws hanging from his wrists, or perhaps they were more link pincers, and he would have a Drapion tail, which he would normally keep tucked in his pants and probably wrapped around his waist.

He's a kind of serious guy, he's not very good at "letting loose". However, he does enjoy spending time outdoors, hiking mountains and through forests is probably his favorite pastime. If you can't find him, he's probably up in a tree reading a book. He's smart and hard-working; in my OG story he's a field commander of some kind in the army, some kind of major I believe.

Personality wise, he's kind of stand-offish and doesn't emote much. He grew up an orphan (well, in Mystic Cataclysm he has a mom and dad, except they didn't do much to raise him I think. He kinda raised himself. Dad was also in the military and mom was busy doing work stuff.) in most universes, so he's used to being self-sufficient. He looks at the world through a more objective lense. People also tend to naturally listen to him, so he tends to make a good leader. While it's true he's kind of standoffish and doesn't emote much, being around him often makes others feel warm and protected. People like to talk at him and they often feel listened to, and feel that's he's very non-judgmental. Equally, Athanasius likes listening to them, even if he doesn't really care about them as people/individuals. It's an odd kind of duality. He wants to know what people think and why, even if it doesn't matter much to him. He respects people's boundaries and desires even if he doesn't understand them.

His favorite color is red and he's often found wearing black pants and some kind of red shirt, as depicted above. He has a rather dry sense of humor, kinda sarcastic and deadpan. He likes making ironic statements because in his view, everyone's a hypocrite and it's both funny and sad. He makes mistakes and he knows he does, but he's kind of bad at owning up to them, or like, he won't understand how to fix his mistake. He has difficulties communicating with others because he acts based on what he thinks makes the most sense, which doesn't always align with what other people think makes the most sense. He's also kinda emotionally stunted and has difficulties empathizing and sympathizing with others. He can be compassionate, but it's something he chooses to be rather than automatic. Often times he may be able to recognize someone is feeling an emotion, but he won't understand why or how to communicate with them to understand. Most of the time he doesn't bother to try.

While he does think through his actions, he also very much acts first and doesn't ask permission or forgiveness later. He'll often take action without explaining why he's doing what he's doing. He is, however, fairly upfront with his reasoning so long as he is clearly asked. Sometimes this takes a bit of work because he takes questions rather literally.

"Why did you do that?"

"Because it was the best option at the time."

"Why was it the best option at the time?"

"The other options weren't feasible."

"Why weren't they feasible?"

"[actual reasoning.]"

This causes a problem when he's talking to others because they won't realize they need to ask in a certain way to get the answer/reasoning they're seeking.

He doesn't care for or about a lot of people, but in every universe he's kinda curious about Aylwen. He's also always older than her.

Athanasius is aroace and has no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone. This doesn't stop him from dating from time to time, but he doesn't date often. He doesn't see the point in it. It always ends up in a break up, normally after two to three months. He has never minded. He mostly ends up dating people he thinks are interesting, but he never has any actual romantic or sexual inclination towards them. This means he doesn't initiate stuff like handholding or kissing, nor does he particularly enjoy either activity. The few times he's dated, he was mostly just interested in getting to know the person and so mostly just enjoyed talking to them, hearing them talk about their interests and views. However, while he found it interesting, none of it ever really mattered to him. He didn't find it interesting because they did. It's more of a curiosity on his part on what makes other people tick.

In one RP he had been in a relationship with the embodiment of a ghost-type I think. But they had broken up at some point on... questionable terms. Definitely not amicable, but also not terribly, for all she blew him off the cloud/sky city.

Honestly, I picture him a lot as this "cool older guy", but I think he's way more complicated than I can imagine. I'm still working things out about him. Like in Mystic Cataclysm, he loves his family and is loyal and dedicated to them. However, when his older brother ended up Contaminated, Athanasius is the one who killed him. The opening scene of the book/story is essentially the youngest child (22 or something) recalling when he killed their mother because she was showing symptoms of being Contaminated.

The idea behind the story is essentially a family learning how to be a family in this semi-post apocalyptic world. Athanasius is the oldest at 28 (I think), since Otieno (the actual oldest) is dead (at 31?)... or no... I think these ages are off. Aylwen is 28 I think, Athanasius is 31, and Otieno was 33 before Athanasius killed him.

But Athanasius and Aylwen are really similar, and Athanasius practically raised Aylwen. Meanwhile Haruka (the youngest) had been the closest to Otieno, who is now dead. Neither of the older two are good at communicating with the youngest, and now they're all traveling together at Athanasius's direction and Haruka has no idea for what purpose. (Athanasius wants to get a solution or cure or figure out how the Contamination even began). Aylwen is just following her big brother, figuring he has a better idea of what's going on than she does. Haruka is with them because she doesn't know what else to do and she's certainly not going to go off on her own.

I probably need to get these guys some friends.

#OCs #my ocs #oc stuff #Athanasius #Mystic Cataclysm #Amarantha

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renny-boy-blog · 1 year

Text

My Shadow

This is a short story/creepy pasta I wrote based on the traits of the Jeff the Killer types of stories. I also just wanted to try my hand at actually writing since I wanna improve my writing skills so instead of it just wasting away on my pc I decided to post this. So yeah, uhhhhh enjoy my crappy attempt at writing something half decent with the JtK format. Also the images at the bottom are pulled from Picrew, they are not hand drawn by me. I just didn't have time to draw these characters before posting. Also trigger warning I guess for a dark story that does include some child not so happy situations and, as the format of JtK suggests, there is murd3r in this. (idk if tumblr is super ok with those kinds of words yet lolz) So yeah! enjoy this cringy story!

Normally monsters are big, scary creatures with long teeth and sharp claws. Horns and fur and wings. However….. sometimes monsters don’t look like that. Sometimes monsters can blend into society. Sometimes monsters can look like you and me. Sometimes monsters can reside within us.

This is my story. A retelling of sorts that my therapist suggested I do to talk about my feelings and what led me to be here…. In a mental facility/prison.

I have a medical condition called DID. Also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It’s the modern day term for a split personality. How this happened is unclear however my doctor thinks it started back when I was a kid, so I guess that’s where I will start too.

I was never the brightest kid. Got picked on in school, had about a C or a B average. And never really had the best home life. My mother was an alcoholic and substance abuser. I never knew my father. You see I was a one night stand baby. And you might be able to see where this is headed. My mother always had a new guy over every week. Sometimes multiple a week. She was selling her body to pay for basic things. Fortunately my grandfather would come by to help take care of me when I was a baby and toddler since she never made a whole lot.

Up until I was about 10 years old this continued. I always saw strange men in the house, my mother was never really coherent enough to take proper care of me, and my grandfather would sometimes teach me how to take a bath or make some toast so I could do things by myself when mother wasn’t home.

Now my grandfather was quite an older man. When I was 10 he was 87. He passed away from a stroke in his sleep. It was so traumatizing for me as a kid cause he was the only real support I had in my life that wasn’t always flickering. My mother was never really a bad mother. Just…. Missguided by her substance abuse.

Sure she would throw things if she got angry, or blow puffs of smoke into my face, and on the rare occasion she would verbally harass me if I was too loud coming home from school and she had a hangover. The real harm came from the men she brought home to do business with.

Most of them were very big muscular guys. Some brought guns, some brought drugs and alcohol. All of them hated me. They hated that I even existed. When mother had men over I would lock myself in the bathroom and play the radio to drown out their sounds. Sometimes the men would need to use the bathroom and get angry at me for locking it up.

Other times if the men saw me, they would abuse me in both physical and psychological ways. Some of them even sexually assaulted me. And it was constant. Every time a man came over and I was seen, all hell would break loose. They didn’t want their living sex doll having a child around.

Once I reached age 13 however, things changed a bit. I was taking care of myself more at this point. Cooking for myself, doing the laundry and things of that nature. The men would come over a lot more often since they didn’t get scared away by the idea of a toddler or child in the house anymore. Now I was practically a teenager and my mom could charge more for having me…. Join their antics.

I don’t blame her. She was under the influence that those demon of substances can cause in people who become dependant on it. I just wish things could have been a lot different.

This is kinda where the DID comes into play. Sometime after my grandfather died, and age 13, I developed a coping mechanism of sorts. My brain would shut off, and a new person would take over my body while these things were happening so that I eventually wouldn’t have to feel the pain anymore. I dubbed them my shadow since they only ever came out when I was scared or knew the men would be coming over.

As kids do, I also kept a journal, like the one I’m writing now. Though sometimes pages I don’t remember writing would show up. The writing was messy and scratchy, yet still legible. It seemed that Shadow was the one who would write these after the encounters with men.

Shadow would write about how it hurt when they touched them and how they felt gross all the time. Thankful for the freedom from a physical body when I was in control. At times I felt bad for this creature who was sharing my skin. I knew the pain they felt since it had happened to me before shadow came to be, however I felt like I shouldn’t try and stop them from taking over when those bad times happened since I was scared to face them myself.

As the years went on, shadow became more… uncontrollable. They would suddenly take over any time I felt any stress of some kind, leading me to be kicked out of school for the actions shadow would do. Based on the records, it seemed that shadow would attack any adult male in the vicinity and also throw cuss words at the adult females.

I did go to the doctor on police request after they had escorted me off school property for the last time, however that doctor just threw meds at me and said “bye”. So I never really got treated. Things continued like this until one day, shadow wouldn’t come back. I don’t know how long I was out for, as I never remember what happens when shadow takes over, however I just remember feeling like something wasn’t right when I returned.

What I returned to, days later according to my moms phone, was a bloody mess. A man had come over a few days before, and thus shadow took over. From the journal it seemed like shadow had enough of the torture and hated whomever was the other soul in this body for making them go through such terrible things. Shadow has killed the man, and my mother when she tried to stop shadow from attacking him.

Every day for those few days I was out of it, a new man was scheduled to show up and shadow killed them as well. So when I woke up, a good 4 or 5 bodies had piled up in our little apartment at this point. The smell was unbearable and I threw up on the spot. Someone else in the apartment building reported the smell and police arrived a few hours after I had come to. I was thankful they had showed up since I was so traumatized by the scene in front of me I couldn’t speak.

The police took me into custody and interrogated me for hours. They found my journal, and the fact I was covered in blood and vomit didn’t help them in not suspecting me. Since I was 13 at the time, they couldn’t really throw me in prison for the murders of my mother and those men. However they did send me to juvie and I was finally looked at properly by a competent doctor.

As I aged I grew out of juvie and into the adult correctional system. Still going to therapy and taking medications though. It took a lot of work, however shadow never comes out anymore. At least when I’m awake anyway. Sometimes shadow will come out when I’m sleeping and write things down about how they hate me still even though the torment is over.

I’m not 23 and living a relatively normal life. For someone who’s in a mental institution and prison that is. I’ll never be allowed to be released since unless I constantly take my meds and am under supervision, shadow may come back when I get scared and could go on a rampage again.

I don’t mind that quite so much…. It’s safe here and my therapist actually cares about me. I’ve taken up drawing in my time at this facility so I’ll attach a few drawings I have done of myself and what I believe shadow looks like as well. We are two separate individuals after all.

So I guess that’s where the story ends? This story may have been a bit rambly cause it’s all from memory and most of this stuff happened 10+ years ago. I guess thanks for reading of you get this far? I honestly don’t know why my therapist wants me to write this…

Myself:

My depiction of Shadow:

#stories #story #creepy pasta #creepypasta #my creepy pasta #my story #short story #jeff the killer format

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