#also this took me DAYS longer than it should because there were three different kinds of poses i drew

[thoughtsforsoob]

txt - s/o who struggles with food

a/n: this going to be a very angsty work so please bear with me...i'm feeling very angsty these days. anyways, this hits a little close to home so I understand if you're not able to read this. please be kind to yourself. i'm always here to chat if you ever need anything. please enjoy.

warnings! I will be discussing ed's and food and everything within that realm so please read this at your own digression! (you're not alone. if you're going through something right now, please seek help. it can be hard but you've got this! I believe in you!)

Yeonjun

Yeonjun for sure takes a while to notice anything is ever happening. He just gets so busy with work that he forgets. Sometimes, he struggles to take care of himself for this reason so he can definitely understand the struggle of taking care of yourself enough. When he does find out, he does all he can to help you. He's really caring towards his partner. 

By this point, Yeonjun hadn't seen in person for about 2 months. He was off on tour with the group. Of course, you two had facetime sessions when you two had a moment to spare but it still couldn't have prepared him for what he would face when he got home. The moment he arrived at the airport back home, he immediately asked to go back to your shared apartment. When he arrived, you met him at the door but the way you looked was very different. You appear thinner and it was quite obvious. Yeonjun tried not to make his reaction obvious but he couldn't help the way his eyes went wide when he laid eyes on you. You frown at him and after some talking, you spill about how you were so angry at yourself for the way you looked that you just kinda stopped eating right. Yeonjun makes it his mission to help you feel better and he helps you get back on track to eating enough like you did before. 

Soobin

This section does mention making yourself vomit so please read with caution!

Soobin is also so good when it comes to comforting others. He gives the best hugs and always knows just what to say to help you feel better. when he finds out you're having trouble with your relationship with food, he is absolutely heartbroken. He hates the idea of you struggling with something that he feels should make you happy. He is always going to do whatever you need him to do so you can recover. 

You and Soobin had been together for a few months now and everything was going really well. You both were very happy with one another and were getting along great. The only problem was that Soobin had no idea about your relationship with you. You would do your best to hide the fact that you were never able to get yourself to keep your food down. It made you feel so disgusted but Soobin had no idea. On this particular night, Soobin had come over to your apartment to eat dinner. You were usually able to run off after dinner under the guise that you needed to use the bathroom. Tonight, however, Soobin had become suspicious when you took longer than usual. He goes over to knock on the door but before he can even do that, he panics when he hears you crying and throwing up. He opens the door immediately and lets himself in. He looks really sad and even helps you clean up when you finally stop. You can;t help but open up to him when you see the pain in his face after watching you do this to yourself. He does his best to understand and help you get better, suggesting you talk to someone about this. He is really supporting you on your recovery journey. 

Beomgyu

This one hits a little close to home 😕

he isn’t super observant about your eating habits but he definitely notices when the snacks start to kind of disappear from the pantry. And it wasn’t just them going like normal, they were going a lot faster than normal. You usually only go out shopping for snacks once a week but have been going every three days lately. It was worrying him. Not so much because he was worried you’d gain weight, not in the slightest. He was worried because he was thinking you were going through something and weren’t wanting to tell him.

When you get home from work one afternoon, you see him in the kitchen at the dinner table. You were so excited to see him since he was usually still at work during this time. He looked worried and he asked you to sit down, so you did. He didn’t beat around the bush and straight up told you about his observations. It made you feel angry at first. Why was he bringing this up? Did you gain weight? Was he calling you fat? But then he explained why he even brought it up and that he just wanted to help. You broke out into tears and told him all about what was going on in your life at the moment and how eating made you feel comfortable. He totally understood and offered to help you work through it in different ways since snacking wasn’t the best idea. You accept his help and it starts to feel better

Taehyun

How dare his pretty girl think she’s ugly? He just can’t fathom why you would starve yourself or even think that you’re not good enough for some reason. He always does his best to combat this by complimenting you as often as he can and making sure he keeps track of whether you’ve eaten or not. He knows it’s a little frustrating for you when he’s constantly asking you if you’ve eaten but it’s just before he cares and he doesn’t want you to get sick. 

in this scenario…it was a few days until your wedding. you had been trying to hide it but you haven’t eaten much over the last week, causing you to feel weak. When the day finally came, you fainted as you were getting your hair done. Everyone in the room with you was panicking and they called taehyun to come help you wake up. He made sure to pick up some snacks from his dressing room and some water for you to drink. He had an itching feeling that you were starving yourself but didn’t want to accuse you of anything. When you wake up, he’s sitting over you with a worried look. “Oh dear. You’re awake. You had us all worried. I think I know why this happened though.” You had a guilty look on your face and he already knew what happened. He convinces you that you need to eat something now so you don’t feel weak on your guy's big day. He’s so proud watching you eat your snack and drink water and he makes his feelings known. 

Huening Kai

He is very caring and sweet and always knows when something is wrong with his girl. He started to worry when it was Wednesday and he hadn't seen you eat or heard about anything you've eaten since Monday night. He knew it was only a day but he was so worried. He didn't want you to go without eating. luckily, he'd planned to hang out with you tonight after schedules! he picks up your favorite meal and drinks for you to eat when he arrives. 

he gets there and knocks. when you open the door you hug him and give him a kiss hello but you kind of start to change in demeanor when you see the bags of food he had. you hadn't let yourself eat in the last two days and the sight of food was just too much for you at the moment. All you could think of when you tried to eat was being laughed at by a group of girls your age who were making comments of your weight when walking down the street. you finally break down and kai follows you, leaving the food at the table. He finally gets you to let him hold you, let him wipe away your tears. you tell him everything and he was so good at just listening. He coaxes you back to the table and even feeds you if it makes you feel more comforted.

#txt imagines #txt fluff #txt headcanons #txt x reader #txt reactions #beomgyu x reader #soobin x reader #yeonjun x reader #huening kai x reader #taehyun x reader

[builtbybrokenbells]

Long Time Coming

After spending your entire life getting to know the optimistic, perpetually happy Josh Kiszka, you are pleasantly surprised when he shows you a different side of him.

Pairing: Josh Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 8.3k

Warnings: SMUT 18+, fingering, oral (f!receiving), unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), swearing, angst, alcohol consumption, mentions death/sickness, mentions of drug use and addiction, parental issues, creepiness from men. Sorry if I missed any!!

here’s some smutty angsty grumpy x sunshine love. Writing this whole thing has been a bit therapeutic, so it turned out a little longer than I expected 😭 I apologize. anyways, be kind, I hope you enjoy, and please excuse any grammar mistakes! ALSO it’s been a long time since I’ve written smut so if it’s bad please bear with me

-

There was something about him. Something that all of the girls seemed to swoon over, that implored them to flock to him and fall to his feet. Sure, you could understand how it could be charming, but to you? It drove you absolutely insane. And not in the good way. You didn’t hate the guy; far from it, really. But you did try to limit your one on one time with him, just to spare yourself the headache later in the day.

Josh Kiszka was not a bad person. He was nowhere near it. He was very attractive, but also nice, kind, and quite funny, too, but he was so unbelievably happy all of the time. You didn’t hate happiness, but by god, you were sure if you told him you’d murdered his whole family he’d still find the best in the situation. Admittedly, you were aware that you lived your life a bit more on the grumpy side, always leaning towards the glass half empty idea, but even so; you didn’t understand how he never seemed to be in a bad mood.

You didn’t hate optimism, but he sure as hell made you feel like you shouldn’t be sad over the stuff you’re allowed to be sad about. That, and due to your mediocre life filled with more than enough troubles, you envied that you’d never seen a frown on his face. You loved him, sure. He was one of your friends, albeit you found yourself closer with the other three boys. You’d grown up with them, always found yourself in their company, and even moved to Nashville after you’d finished university just to be around them again, and perhaps to get away from Michigan, as well.

You worked in finance, securing a well paying job as an accountant at a big name company not long after your move to the big city. You had sort of moved on a whim, with no real promise of a good job or any sustainable income. You didn’t want to move until you had one for sure, but eventually conceded because of a promise from Sam that he and Danny had a spare bedroom in their apartment that was begging for someone to take it. They had been pestering you for as long as they’d lived there for you to move in with them. You had graduated with Jake and Josh, but found more solace hanging out with the younger two boys once you all grew up. Josh still took credit for ‘founding your friendship with Sam’ as he was the first of any of the brothers to spark a conversation with you.

You got plenty of alone time when the boys were off on tour, and didn’t mind the noise at all when they came home. As much as you liked to believe you were an introvert, you found yourself longing for their company after coming home every day to silence. Maybe it was just Sam and Danny that brought that out in you.

You pulled into your usual parking spot outside of the apartment complex at exactly 5:17, the same time you were home almost every day, due to the ungodly (but predictable) traffic always in the way of the roads. The firm you worked for should only be a five minute drive, at most, but city traffic was tedious and nothing like what you were used to in your small hometown. You were certain you’d never get used to it. You pulled your keys out of your ignition, followed by a cigarette from your pack. You had the habit kicked for a while, but picked it up sometime during the three month stretch the boys had been gone. You hoped you could quit it again before they got back within the coming weeks, but you had little hope.

You sat on the grass by the door, lighting the end of the cigarette. You let your eyes scan the parking lot, looking for nothing in particular. The sun was warm and it was nice being outside after eight hours of stuffy office air. Your dress pants were growing even more uncomfortable by the second and you were eager to get inside so you could curl up in bed and start your weekend off correctly: a glass of wine and a date with your book. You were excited to play the new vinyl records you’d picked up earlier in the week on a spur of the moment shopping trip.

You decided to have another before you went inside, just to curb the craving for a bit longer. Just as you put the filter between your lips, the front door of the building opened. You didn’t bother to look up, figuring it was just your creepy neighbour. He always seemed to be waiting for you when you got home from work. Sam promised you he’d get him evicted when he got back. “Chainsmoking, now, y/n?” You heard a disapproving tsk follow the sentence. Your head snapped up, barely believing your ears.

“Sammy!?” You shot up from your position on the ground. He held his arms out and you jumped into them, not caring how stupid it looked. “What are you doing home?” You asked, head still buried in his shoulder. He held you until you were ready to let go.

“Missed your pretty face too much, had to come back just to see it.” He said, pinching your cheeks when he finally let go.

“You’re too sweet, Samuel. Don’t flatter me.” You rolled your eyes.

“Seriously though, you’re smoking again? I thought you were the first person to actually adhere to their New Year’s resolution.” You gave a shrug.

“What can I say? Old habits die hard.” You admitted. He nodded as if to say ‘fair enough’. “Is Danny back, too?” You asked, a hopeful gleam in your eyes. He nodded, a grin still stuck on his face.

“We had a stretch with no shows so we came home to see you.” He informed. “I know you’d never admit it, but we know you get lonely when we’re gone.” Instead of his usual joking tone, it was laced with sincerity. Instead of responding with words, you just pulled him into another embrace. He smelled like Sam; a scent that felt more like home than anything else. “Come in, get comfortable, and get something to eat. We brought you your favourite takeout,” he paused before continuing. “Thing one and Thing two are coming over tonight, too.” You chuckled at Sam’s pass at his brothers. You missed them so much, you weren’t even dreading having to deal with Josh’s exuberant personality all evening.

When you entered your apartment, you wasted no time searching for the honorary Kiszka brother. You found him standing in the living room, anxiously awaiting your arrival. You wasted no time running to him, tackling him in a hug. You both fell to the ground in a mess of limbs and echoing laughter. “I missed you too, bug.” He said, with his arms still wrapped around you. Danny was the only person in the world you allowed to call you any pet names, aside from your Grandmother, who’d raised you your whole life. Josh tried his luck, calling you ‘mama’ any chance he got, which was always met with a glare in return.

When you both got back on your feet, you implored them to tell you all about the last few months. They waved it off, assuring you they’d tell you all about it later night. You ushered them upstairs to show them the new vinyls you’d added to your collection. Eventually, you had gotten changed and graciously ate the food your roommates had brought home to you. You took a quick shower before the twins arrived, reapplying a bit of makeup so you could cover the exhaustion caused by your never ending pile of work. You sipped on a glass of wine while music played softly from your phone.

A knock sounded on the bathroom door, catching your attention. “What’s up?” You asked, unsure of who would answer.

“Get dressed up, we’re going to head to the bar down the street.” Sam’s voice sounded. You opened the door so you could talk to him face to face, rather than through a wall.

“Implying I don’t always look fantastic?” You teased.

“Not in the slightest, my dear, for you are the fairest maiden in apartment 3C.” He gave a dramatic bow. You rolled your eyes, shoving him backwards. He stumbled slightly before regaining his footing.

“I’m the only ‘maiden’ in 3C, Sammy.”

“Not true, I’m not sure if you realized but Daniel also lives with us.” You let a giggle escape your lips as you fumbled with the tube of mascara in your hand. “I’ll leave you to it, then.”

You finished getting ready not long after Sam left you, pulling a nice dress from your closet and throwing it on. You took your hair down from its clip to let it dry naturally. When you made your way back to the living room, four voices sounded down the hall. You appeared around the corner, staying silent until one of the twins noticed you. After a few minutes, Josh broke from their conversation to check if you’d shown up. His eyes lit up at the sight of you. You didn’t even find yourself annoyed when his infamous smile crossed his cheeks. He pushed past everyone to greet you. You welcomed his hug, to everyone’s surprise. “Looking good, as usual, mama.” He whispered as he let go. You bit your tongue, fighting back a snide comment at his pet name.

“Thanks, Joshua.” You replied. You let your eyes linger over him for a moment. He looked good, too, but you’d never let yourself say it out loud. It would fuel his ego a bit too much. He’d cut his hair, which you’d failed to notice in the photos Sam had sent you. It was shaved on the sides now, the top a curly mess. You noticed he looked a little less boyish since the last time you’d seen him, now growing in a bit of facial hair. He looked really good. After an awkward staring contest, Jake pushed his twin to the side to greet you, too. “To the bar, then?” You asked the group after a few moments. There was chorus of agreements.

It was dark out now, the sun just finished setting, leaving a rusty glow in the sky. The group of you walked down the busy sidewalk together, passing other groups of drunkards with the same idea. You were sandwiched between Sam and Danny, both of their arms wrapped around you. To be honest, you hated the bar. Sweaty drunk people dancing to shitty music, creepy guys who made your skin crawl, and always leaving feeling dirty. It was not something you desired to experience. But tonight, you were more than happy to go if it meant you got to be with your friends.

Jake led the way to a booth in the far corner, away from the crowd. You slid in first, and Josh jumped at the chance to sit beside you. You bit the inside of your cheek, wishing someone else had claimed the seat first, but you stayed silent. The night was filled with chatter, stories about the tour bus antics and the different cities they’d been lucky enough to visit. “You have to come with us sometime, y/n, I think you’d love it.” Josh said.

“I can’t just get up and go, Josh. I have to work.” You told him, shutting the idea down. It irked you slightly, knowing he thought you could just drop everything and leave.

“Take some vacation time, then. We’d love to have you come along. Plus, I hate the thought of you being here alone all of the time.” You had to take a double take when the words left his mouth. Not once, in your lifetime of friendship, could you ever recall him saying he hated something. ‘Weird’ you thought to yourself.

“Y-yeah, maybe.” You nodded, taking a long sip from your drink. After the silence lingered too long, the youngest brother jumped at the opportunity to break it.

“Shots, anyone?” Sam asked, eyeing you specifically. You shrugged.

“As long as it’s not bottom of the barrel liquor.”

“Don’t I always treat you well?” Sam snipped back. You smiled at him as he left the booth, Danny and Jake following suit, presumably also to get more drinks. That left you and Josh to yourselves.

“How’s your big girl job treating you?” Josh asked, taking sudden interest in your personal life.

“Uh, it’s work, I guess.” You let out a small laugh.

“Oh come on, it can’t be that bad! You work for a huge company - it must be exciting!” He smiled at you. You let out a long exhale, nodding and forcing a smile on your face. There it was, the dreaded, mind-numbing optimism.

Sam returned with a platter of shots. He sat them in front of you with a charming smile. “For the lovely lady.”

“All for me?” You raised an eyebrow.

“If you feel such a need to have all of them, then I suppose I couldn’t be too upset with you.” He joked. You took two off the tray and the lime slice. You threw one back with no salt or lime, barely flinching at the burn it left behind. You finished the second one and popped the lime in your mouth, sucking the juice from it. “Good god, woman. You could bring any man to his knees shooting liquor like that.” Sam said with a humorous, lustful tone.

“I’m just getting started, darlin’.” You mumbled. Chasing the shots with the last of your drink. “I’ve got to take a trip outside; I will be back.” You said, shooing Josh out of the booth. You went outside for a cigarette, letting the cool air settle deep into your bones, returning feeling slightly rejuvenated. When you went back inside, you stopped by the bar to grab another beverage. As you waited to be served, a man just around the same age as you squeezed into the limited space between you and the next person.

You shifted awkwardly, not wanting to bump shoulders with him. He turned to smile at you, looking you up and down. “What’s a pretty girl like yourself doing buying your own drinks?” He asked. You brushed the comment off, not responding. You drummed your fingertips off the sticky bar top, signalling your impatience. “Playing hard to get, eh?” He pried, making a move to put his arm around you. You tried to shimmy out of his grip, but you were packed too tightly between other people to get away.

“Nope, just not interested.” You huffed.

“Oh come on now, let me buy you a drink, at least. Then maybe another, and I might get you drunk enough to agree to come home with me.” He gave you a sly grin. You couldn’t see it, but Josh was staring daggers at him from the booth. He’d been the first to notice your delay in returning, and the first to catch sight of the sleazy guy trapping you beside him. He was ablaze with anger just at the thought of someone touching you when you didn’t want it.

“Yeah, not the best pickup line, buddy.” You shut him down once more. His grasp around your waist tightened as you saw a flash of anger in his eyes. Your heart drummed against your chest, hoping one of the boys would notice and help you out.

“Oh come on, quit being a tease. Showing up here in a dress like that? You’re begging someone to take you home.” He practically growled. Just as you were trying to formulate a good enough response to get him to leave you alone, a firm, but gentle hand was placed on your shoulder.

“Hey, man, get the fuck away from her.” The person snapped from behind you. You turned your head, expecting to see Jake due to the tone of voice, but you were very surprised to see Josh standing there. The unknown man scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“And who are you?” The guy puffed up his chest, wanting to seem scarier than he was.

“My boyfriend.” The words tumbled out of your mouth faster than you could process them. “Come on, babe.” You grabbed Josh’s hand and pulled him back towards the booth, finally getting a moment of freedom to allow you to do so. Josh was just as stunned as you were at your proclamation, but both of you brushed it off quickly.

“You okay, mama?” He asked, silently begging you to look at him.

“Yeah, thank you, Josh.” You breathed. Your hands were still intertwined. He nodded, eerily still, afraid that the physical contact would end.

“No need to thank me, I can still go and punch him, if you-“

“No, that’s okay.” You cut him off, even more surprised at the anger that was radiating off of him. You’d never seen Josh any less than content. His eyes held an emotion you weren’t sure Josh even knew existed. You hated to admit it, but you found it quite attractive. The thought of Josh getting that worked up on your behalf was causing you to have some conflicting thoughts. He nodded, looking to the floor.

“Sorry,” he cleared his throat. You shook your head, giving him a small smile.

“No need.” You whispered back. You felt your eyes linger over his face, still trying to fully grasp the situation at hand. “Did you maybe want to play some pool? Take our minds off it?” You suggested. He gave a slow nod.

“Sure, yeah.” He mumbled.

You gathered the rest of the boys, making your way to a vacant pool table. You sat on a stool and watched the brothers play a viciously terrible game, stifling laughs the whole time. “Sam, what the fuck was that?” Danny asked, motioning to the ball he’d hit too hard, causing it to fall from the table to the floor.

“Hey! I may be pretty, but I never once said I was good at pool,” Sam raised his hands in defence. The game ended in a stalemate, as all parties gave up at the realization that there was no progress being made.

The night carried on without another hiccup. It was filled with laughs, jokes and stories that you likely would not remember by the time you woke up the next day. You were positively drunk, stumbling to the bar after Sam had convinced you to do a terribly hilarious karaoke performance with him. “Hey! Can I get another screwdriver and whatever that man has been getting all night!” You shouted at the bartender, pointing to Josh. She laughed at you but nodded, getting you the drinks.

You returned to the group, handing Josh the drink you’d bought for him. “For me?” He questioned.

“Yeah, as a thank you for earlier!” You practically yelled in his face. Your level of drunk could always be measured by the volume of your words. You were a loud drunk, for certain. Josh laughed at you.

“I think it’s time to get you home, mama.” He said, placing a hand on your hip as you tumbled into him. For once, the nickname sounded nice on his lips. His smile wasn’t irritating, and his hand felt fantastic on you. You weren’t sure what had come over you. Something changed while he was gone.

“Only if I’m going home with you.” You batted your eyelashes at him. You had no idea what you were saying, and you sure as hell would regret it in the morning. Josh gave you a questioning look, but clearly whatever you said had affected him greatly. His hand on your hip tightened a little bit and his breathing sped. “What? You are my boyfriend after all,” you giggled, trying to make light of the earlier situation.

“God, I wish,” he mumbled under his breath. You didn’t catch it, your inhibitions greatly diminished. He was grateful for it, not sure if he was ready to admit that proclamation yet.

“You look good too, Josh. I wanted to say it earlier, but, you know…” you trailed off. He didn’t know, but he didn’t question it, too scared that the moment of intimacy would end. His fingers grabbed at the fabric of your dress, pulling you closer to him. Your faces were inches apart. He could smell the vodka off your breath. Your chest was almost fully pressed against him. You were both quite intoxicated, not really understanding that you were on full display in front of everyone. Sam was watching everything, mouth agape in shock. He was quite aware of your usual disdain for his brother, not understanding what was happening. Jake had a smirk on his lips, always knowing it was bound to happen eventually.

“Thank you,” He whispered, voice sounding a bit strained, not breaking eye contact with you once. You took a long gulp of your drink, feeling the liquid courage coursing through your veins. Your skin was on fire with a feeling you’d never felt before. Sure, you’d had a fling or two, a short term relationship here and there, but you’d never felt desire quite like this. Seeing Josh angry had sparked a fire in you. It showed you he was much more complex than he let on. You two stayed in that position, not sure how to continue on from there.

“So are you going to take me home, Joshua?” You leaned in, whispering in his ear. He sprung to action in an instant, pulling his jacket off the back of his chair and ushering you out the door. Sam shared a look with his brothers, a silent protest, wondering if he should stop you.

“Leave them be, it’s been a long time coming,” Jake said.

“Okay, then.” Sam nodded. “Looks like we’re stuck with the tab and nowhere to go for a while.”

•

You practically fell through the door of your apartment, hanging on to Josh for dear life. His hands were exploring your body as you led him to your bedroom, wanting to become familiar with every curve. He kicked the door shut behind him, pushing you back onto your mattress. He stood for a moment, heart pounding in anticipation.

You reached out for him, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him on top of you. Your mouths met for the first time, coming together with a neediness you couldn’t comprehend. It was messy, your teeth clashed into his a few times but you were far too invested in the moment to care. Your hands found the hem of his shirt, feeling the soft skin that lie beneath. You hastily pulled it over his head, finally taking a good look at him.

Your distaste for his loud personality seemed to overshadow how attractive he really was. Your mouth was practically watering at the sight of him, more exposed than you’d ever really seen him. His eyes were dark with a look never shared from him before. You never wanted it to go away. “Can I?” He asked, tugging at the bottom of your dress. You gave an overly-eager nod, too desperate to chastise him for his politeness. He slipped his hands under, lifting the tight skirt up to your stomach, letting out a guttural groan at the sight before pulling it off completely. “Fuck, mama.” He said, running his fingertips over the smooth skin of your stomach. His hands found your breasts in a second, quickly leaning down to pull your nipple in his mouth. He let his tongue flick over it, biting down softly after, causing a sharp gasp to break from you. You felt him smile against you.

“You like what you see?” You managed to stutter out. He pulled back, eyes raking over you again.

“You have no idea.” He said lowly, causing a knot to form in your stomach. You reached over and unbuttoned his jeans, hastily trying to get him out of them. You wanted him. No, you needed him. He stood, shimmying out of them and discarding them somewhere on the floor. He took no time in resuming the position on top of you. “So beautiful,” he mumbled, his lips meeting the sensitive skin on your neck. You were aching, desperate for his touch. Your fingers knotted in his hair at the nape of his neck. His hand found your hip once more, gripping it with a strength that made your heart flutter. “Can’t believe this is all for me.” His fingers dipped into your panties, running his fingers through your arousal. Your hips bucked upwards off the bed to meet his touch.

The pornographic moan that slipped from your mouth when his hand fully connected with your cunt sent a shiver up his spine. “Please, Josh.” You begged.

“Please, what?” He teased, his fingers lightly brushing over the bundle of nerves you’d so desperately wanted him to touch.

“Touch me, please. I need it.” You realized how desperate you sounded, but any sense shame was long gone.

“Well, since you asked so nicely.” He whispered. The feeling of his body hovering over you, trapping you down to the bed, was overwhelming. When his finger dipped into you, you could’ve come undone on the spot. “God, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this.” He said before connecting your mouths again. His fingers pumped into you at an agonizingly slow pace, the pad of his thumb brushing against your clit with every movement of his hand. He was driving you crazy.

He pulled his hand away just as you felt yourself reaching a climax. You whimpered at the loss of contact, eyes pleading with him to continue. “As pretty as you look begging for me to touch you, I’m not done with you yet.” He said, dipping his finger into his mouth to taste the wetness. He let out a soft moan as he pulled his finger from his mouth. You were throbbing, unsure how Josh had found this power over you seemingly overnight, unsure how he was this hot and you’d never noticed it before. He took one more look over your exposed body before hooking his fingers in your panties and pulling them off you completely. He kissed down your stomach, letting his lips linger just below your bellybutton.

His fingers slipped inside you once again, eliciting a hiss of pleasure from you. He resumed his pace from earlier, now letting his tongue slip over your increasingly sensitive clit. Your hands found his hair, pulling at the ends of it, completely lost in pleasure. Your hips rose from the bed, desperate for more. “That’s it, mama.” He mumbled against you, driving you crazy. “Can you cum for me?” He asked.

“Please don’t stop, Josh.” You begged, your breathing ragged.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” He breathed against you. He curled his fingers upward and gave another flick of his tongue, pushing you over the edge. You clenched against his hand, slurring out a string of profanities mixed in with you crying his name. He watched you longingly as you rode out your orgasm, slowly tapering off his pace. “You make my name sound so pretty, baby.” He said pulling his boxers off and throwing them with the other discarded clothes. You admired him in the moonlight, noticing he was much larger than anyone you’d been with before.

He barely gave you time to recover before he lined himself up with your entrance. He slowly thrusted into you, giving you time to adjust. You were having none of it, pushing yourself down on him and gasping when he filled you up. His eyes fluttered closed, revelling in the feeling for only a moment before he began fucking you. He started slow, but your whimpers only fuelled him further. He reached back with his hands and grabbed your knees, pushing them into your chest. You let out a yelp when he pushed himself back into you, his tip brushing against your cervix. His movement stuttered, the look of lust quickly turning into concern. “You okay?” He asked, searching your eyes for an answer.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Please keep going.” You begged. It took him no time to resume, thrusting into you at a brutal pace. “Fuck, Josh!” You moaned. The sounds coming out of him were delicious. You felt your orgasm creeping up on you again.

“Fuck, you feel so good.” He growled, looking down at your pleasure-ridden expression. “Look so pretty wrapped around me like this.” Your moans were desperate, never having felt this way before. You had no idea sex could be this enjoyable. You had no idea sex with Josh could be enjoyable, period.

“M’ gonna cum, Josh.” You rushed out. He let one of your legs drop back to the bed, reaching his thumb back down to swirl around your clit once more.

“Come on, Mama. Cum on my cock.” He spat. The authority in his tone was heavenly. The words alone were enough to send you over the edge, but the added sensation of the circles he’d been rubbing over your most sensitive spot sent you spiralling, clenching around him and crying out his name.

You were fucked-out; ready to be nurtured, but he wasn’t done. He slipped his arm under your ass, pulling you even closer to him. The new angle caused a new wave of pleasure to hit you. He let your other leg drop, now bringing his hand to pinch one of your nipples between his fingers. You bucked against him, unwillingly but desperately searching for another orgasm. When you met his face again, he was almost smirking at your reaction. “Can you give me one more?” He pleaded. Sweat was dripping off him, showcasing how hard he was working to give you a good time. You could tell how hard it was for him to hold back, to pause his orgasm to ensure you were satisfied. He hadn’t faltered once, needing this just as bad as you did. You managed to give him a nod. “One more, baby, you can do it.”

You were sure the neighbours woke up from the scream that tore out of you as your third orgasm took over. Your legs were shaking, your head was spinning, and the only words you could muster were his name. His hips stuttered, pausing when he bottomed out inside you. He let out a long moan as he spilled his release into you. You two stayed still, scared to move, unsure if what had just happened was real, or some sick dream.

Eventually, he pulled out slowly, causing you to sigh at the sudden emptiness. He stood and disappeared, coming back with something to wipe you clean. He collapsed back in bed beside you once he was finished, pulling you into him. You hummed at the warmth of his body, basking in the intimacy. He placed kisses over the back of your neck and shoulders, a silent thank you for the best night of his life.

“So about that boyfriend thing,” he finally spoke, humour laced in his words. You let out a soft giggle. It wasn’t long before you both drifted into sleep.

•

You woke with a startle, your phone ringing angrily from somewhere in your room. Your head was pounding and your stomach was churning. Your eyes fought hard to locate where the sound was coming from. The scattered clothes around the room took you with a shock, but not as big as the shock when you realized someone was wrapped around you. Your stomach dropped as the memories from the night prior flooded your brain. Pushing the dread away, you continued your search for your cell phone. You didn’t have time to worry about him, yet. Silently slipping out of Josh’s grasp, you tried your best not to wake him.

You were still naked, and very sore. As much as you may have regretted what happened, the thought of Josh between your legs sent a rush of emotion to the pit of your stomach. As annoying as he was, he was damn good in bed. You finally found your phone under your discarded dress, realizing you must have dropped it in the rush of last night, but by the time you picked it up it had stopped ringing. The moonlight cascaded through the bedroom window, letting you know that it wasn’t quite morning yet. Fear settled in your stomach at the realization whoever was calling probably didn’t have very good news.

You grabbed Josh’s t-shirt and threw it over your head, checking the screen of your phone to see you had multiple missed calls from your grandmother. The same fear from before seeped into your veins as you stepped into the hallway to call her back. The phone barely rang before she answered. “Nana?” You whispered, praying it was her that answered the phone.

“Hey, pumpkin,” She greeted back. You let out a sigh of relief.

“What are you doing up? It’s..” you pulled the phone away to look at your screen “like five in the morning, there.” You stated.

“It’s your mom.” You could practically hear her grimace through the phone. The panic you had before grew even larger, but a new found anger came with it. Your mother had never been your favourite person. She’d had you when she was quite young and left as soon as she could. She had no shame in sticking her responsibilities on your grandmother, who’d never once treated you like you weren’t her own daughter. The last you’d heard from your mom was when she showed up for your university graduation, high on whatever drugs she’d taken before the ceremony, and embarrassed you for the millionth time.

“Uh-huh,” you said, not certain about what she would tell you next.

“She’s sick again, I’m at the hospital now.” Sick was subject. Your grandmother never liked to admit that your mother was an addict. You always presumed that it hurt her to do so, knowing that she felt like she’d failed your mom.

“Should I come home?” Was all you asked.

“I think so, pumpkin.” The sadness dripping from her tone was more than enough of an answer.

“Okay,” you whispered. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.” You didn’t give her time to respond before you hung up. You went back into your room, barely glancing at the sleeping boy in your bed. You pulled a new pair of underwear on and some sweatpants, not immediately recognizing them as your own. You concluded that they must have belonged to one of your roommates, as you had to cuff them a few times just to make them the right length for your legs. ‘Lanky bastards’ you thought to yourself.

You grabbed a backpack, shoving the necessities in it, being unable to process a single thought. You were so angry at your mother. It had been a whole lifetime of broken promises, lies, and embarrassment. Multiple hospital stays and near death experiences that brought everyone to her bedside, just for her to recover and disappear again. Asking for money, begging for a place to stay, but barely ever an ‘i love you’, a thank you, or even the common decency to tell you who your father was. You hated her, hoping deep down that maybe this would be the last time, that it would all just be over, but you felt dirty for even thinking that.

A sob left your mouth as you pulled your hair back into a messy bun. You tried your best to stay silent as you pulled out your laptop out and searched for the next flight back to Michigan. You pulled your knees to your chest as you scavenged through the ticket sales, crying into the worn fabric of your pants. You found one leaving later that morning. By pure luck, you managed to get a ticket. You were unsure if you should buy a second, thinking maybe you could ask Sam or Danny to come with you. You bought it just in case you wanted company, not caring about the wasted money if you chose to go alone.

“Y/n?” A sleep-laced voice broke you from your thoughts. ‘Fuck’ you thought to yourself, wiping away your tears. “What’s going on?” Josh asked, rubbing his eyes, making a move to sit up. You refused to look at him, trying to transfer the plane tickets from your browser to your phone.

“Nothing, Josh. Go back to sleep.” You snapped, words as cold as ice. He had to stop himself from recoiling at your tone. He’d hoped that maybe after last nights events you’d finally warm up to him a bit more. He knew you held some sort of disdain for him, but he wasn’t certain why.

“Are you crying?” He ignored your statement, now standing to come over to you. He pulled on his boxers, covering himself up.

“No.” A grand lie. “Everything is fine, Josh. Just go back to sleep.” You sighed. His eyes fell on your computer screen.

“You’re going back home?” He questioned. “Today?” His heart dropped, hoping that he didn’t cause whatever you were feeling in that moment. When you didn’t answer, his anxiety grew even larger. “Did I do something?”

“No!” You finally broke, more tears falling from your eyes. “It’s my fucking mother, again!” You slammed your laptop shut, finally pulling the boarding pass up on your phone. “Just when things are going okay, when I think that maybe she’s done ruining my life, something else happens.” You choked out. Josh crouched to be eye level with you, now wide awake. “She’s in the hospital again. My grandmother says it’s not good, but they say that every time, and she always manages to bounce back. Makes everyone drop everything to run to her side, then fucking gets up and leaves and we don’t hear from her until she needs something or ends up back in the ICU!” You were pulling at your hair as you spoke, so distraught you didn’t even realize what you were saying.

Josh knew that whatever was happening was serious. Very rarely did you ever willingly tell anyone about your mother, or even really speak about her at all. He knew that you hated her, and that she was never around, but that was about it. He didn’t even know her name. As much as you were hurting, he felt his heart soften at the fact you were willing to share your troubles with him. “You know, I don’t even know where she lives, Josh. I’ve never been to my mothers house. I don’t know if she has a boyfriend, or if I have any siblings she abandoned with somebody else, or if she lives on the fucking street, or what. I don’t know her, at all.” A scoff fell from your lips as you finished. “The only time she bothers to call me is when she needs money, or somewhere to crash for the night. I don’t even have her phone number saved, because it’s a new one every time she calls.” You cried. “I was hoping when I moved here I could get away from it but she’s always going to ruin my life!”

“Mama, just take a breath-“

“I don’t even remember the last time she said she loved me. I’m tired of uprooting my entire life every time she decides to fuck up again. I don’t even want to go, but I’d feel too guilty if this time she finally decides to kick the bucket. Knowing my luck, that’s what would happen! Then I’d be the bad guy because I wouldn’t be there, that I refused to see my mother when before she died!” You were practically screaming the words. If the others hadn’t been so drunk when they returned, they likely would have woken up to your breakdown.

“Y/n,” Josh started, desperate for your attention. He was panicking. You finally looked up to meet his eyes. He took your cheeks in his hands, wiping away stray tears with his thumbs. “Baby, it’s going to be okay. I promise, everything is going to be fine. Your mom is gonna pull through, and maybe things will be different this time.” You recoiled at his statement, pushing him away from you.

“Jesus Christ, Josh!” You were furious. “Enough with the fucking positive vibes and the optimism. I cannot deal with that right now. My mother sucks, the situation is terrible, and it’s never going to change until she finally fucking dies!” You yelled. Your head was searing with a migraine and you felt like you could throw up. “I don’t understand how you always have a smile on your face, how things never go wrong for you, o-or how you always try to see the bright side of things. Sometimes, things are just shitty, and there’s nothing you can do about it!” You stood, wanting to get your bag packed and out of his company as fast as you could.

“Mama, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“

“And quit it with the pet names!” You snapped, tearing your phone charger out of the wall. “We fucked, that’s it. It was a drunken mistake and it will never happen again.” Josh tried to reason with himself, wanting to believe your harsh words were only because you were upset, but it felt like you had stabbed him. “I don’t understand why you’re so concerned about me. You cannot begin to understand what this feels like. I don’t think you’ve ever been anything other than happy; you have no idea what I’m going through right now. You try and console me and tell me that she’ll be okay, and it’ll all work out. Maybe I don’t want it to, maybe I just want her to fucking die, so I can leave and run away and start over. I just want to live a life that she has nothing to do with.” He was beginning to get angry now, too. “God, you always do this. You always make me feel like I’m an idiot for being upset!”

“Why I’m so concerned about you?” He shot back. “Are you that fucking blind?” You paused, unsure how to react to his words. You turned to look at him, finally willing to give him your attention. Something about Josh snapping made you realize that you might have overstepped. “I don’t know if you’ve realized, but I care about you, a lot. You keep shitting on me because I’m ‘always happy’ and you’ve ‘never seen me frown’ but have you ever thought about why that is?” He asked, taking a step closer to you. He took your face in his hands again, forcing you to keep eye contact with him, not even allowing you to ignore him anymore. “I am in love with you, and maybe the reason you’ve never seen me upset is because I am always happy to be around you!” You were frozen, feeling like your heart was going to explode out of your chest. “I hate seeing you sad. It kills me. So yeah, I always throw out something optimistic because I want nothing more than to make you feel better. I’m not doing it to make you feel like shit.”

Your chest ached at his words, feeling like the worst person in the world for misjudging him so badly. “Did last night really mean nothing to you?” His voice broke as he asked. In turn, it shattered your heart.

“No, of course it didn’t.” You reached up to run your thumb over his cheek, wanting to take back every mean thing you had said. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’m scared, and I’m hurting, and I don’t know what to do or where to go. I know it’s not an excuse, but I had no idea that you felt like that for so long.” You took a breath, searching for something in his eyes that would make you feel better like it always did. “I don’t hate you, Josh. I could never hate you. You absolutely piss me off sometimes, but I don’t know… last night when you stood up for me like that, something changed. Seeing you doing something other than smiling, hearing you say words that weren’t dripping with optimism, I dont know… made me realize that there was more to you than I ever really noticed. That you were more than this ray of sunshine in an untouchable bubble.” You had to laugh for a moment at your own words. His hands dropped from your face and grabbed you by your waist, pulling you into him. He kissed you again, gentle and more meaningful than the ones you’d shared the night before. You never wanted it to end. When he pulled away you had to stop yourself from pulling him back in.

“It scares me, Josh. Im terrified. We’ve always been so different that I never could have imagined we’d end up here, but now we are, and I don’t mind it.” You admitted. “I don’t know how to let people help me. I’m always defensive and closed off; I know I’m grumpy almost all of the time, and I wish I wasn’t, but my life has never been that nice to me. Im still waiting for the day Sammy or Danny will tell me they don’t want me here anymore. I’m not used to good things lasting, and I’m so scared that if anything happens, I’ll lose all of you. Hell, everything is fine and I’m still always scared I’m going to lose you guys.” You confessed. His eyes softened.

“You could never lose us.” He soothed your worry. “You could never lose me, that’s for sure.” He said, pulling you into his chest. You rested there for a moment, feeing at peace in all of the chaos. “All I ever wanted to do was make you happy. I still want that, if you’ll let me.”

“I’m so scared, Josh.” You whispered, reiterating what you had told him earlier. You were terrified, but also painstakingly curious about what it would be like. You wanted to know what it was like to love him, and to be loved by him. Really, genuinely loved. You wanted to know him, the little things that you’d always overlooked. You found yourself yearning to be held by him, for some sort of comfort. For once, you weren’t annoyed at the thought of his optimistic words, you almost wanted him to say them, to soothe you with them. “I’m terrified of everything right now. I don’t even know what to do.”

“Just let me be here, then. Let me help you through it.”

“Okay,” you whispered. His hands were burning into you. You could feel the emotion radiating through his skin. “I think that you already make me happy.” You told him. He pulled you tighter to him, if it was even possible. “I mean, I’ve been with people, but I’ve never felt anything like I did last night. Even now, when everything feels like it’s falling apart, you’re with me and it doesn’t feel hopeless like it always does.” He placed his lips to the top of your head. You closed your eyes, breathing in his scent. The cologne he put on last night was still lingering on him.

“What time does your flight leave, mama?” He whispered.

“Eleven.” You answered, not daring to open your eyes or move away from him.

“Think I can still get a seat beside you?” He asked. You looked up at him, tears starting again. As if you already knew how this would end up, you remembered the second ticket you’d bought. Still, you felt guilty asking him to do something like that for you.

“You don’t have to do that.” You shook your head. “It’s too much.”

“I want to.” He assured you, tucking your stray hairs behind your ear. “What kind of guy would I be if I let my girl deal with something like this all by herself?” You heart fluttered at his words, swelling with affection. You never wanted anyone to be a part of your mess. You wouldn’t even talk to Sam about it. Danny pried bits and pieces of your troubles from you, but never enough to know the full story. But with Josh in front of you, touching you with so delicately, saying the words you always wanted to hear from somebody, you couldn’t help yourself. You wanted him to come with you, even if it was selfish.

“Okay.” You agreed.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” He asked, his thumb and forefinger bringing you chin up to look at him. You nodded. “Then I’m all in. I’ll be here until the day you don’t want me here anymore, Mama. I promise.”

#danny gvf #danny wagner #fanfic #greta van fleet #gvf #gvf fic #jake gvf #jake kiszka #josh gvf #josh kiszka #sam gvf #sam kiszka #greta van fleet imagine #greta van fleet fic #gvf smut #gvf angst #gvf fanfiction #gvf imagine #josh kiszka angst #josh kiszka smut #mine #writing #builtbybrokenbells #greta van fleet fanfic #greta van fleet fluff #gvf fandom

[bradtomlovesya]

Choices 3

Three: Take Me Back To The Day We Met

Peter Parker x Reader series

Summary: Everybody forgot who Peter Parker was. All his world tunerd grey until he met you and you started dating. It could have been perfect if it wasn't for the fact that MJ comes back and, surprise! She remembers EVERYTHING.

Warnings: Pure Angst!, mentions of cheating, swearing, descriptions of sex +18, fluff!

w/c: 3k

a/n: Enjoy this chapter! As always, coments, reblogs and likes are completely appreaciated. Thank you so much for all the love and support this series is having. I will be forever grateful! Thank you for staying 'til the end ❤️. Gif not mine.

Series Masterlist

Peter felt his heart sink in his chest and could blame no one but himself.

There you were, laughing with Austin at something trivial he had said. You had only gone on one date. You told yourself that you should move on and get on with your life just as you thought Peter had gotten on with his.

But that wasn't true because Peter was standing there holding back tears and the roses he had bought you behind his back.

He had set it all up, flowers, invite you, dinner, apologies, tell you the whole truth, promise ring, hug, kiss, happy again. Everything exactly in that order and without skipping a step.

However, Peter had overlooked one small detail. You guys had broken up almost two months ago and that made you free to date someone else.

Even more so if that someone was as cute smart and kind as Austin.

Austin was the exact opposite of Peter. Tall, blond, thin, blue-eyed, bad at science but very good at history. That explained why he was studying literature. Austin loved the attention, going out to parties (though not too much drinking) and spending time with his many, many friends.

Peter... Peter was totally different from that.

Probably for that reason you had agreed to go out with him. Because he was different from Parker and you didn't want to go through the same thing. He had already made you suffer enough.

Spiderman followed you on several of your dates. 3 to be exact. He wanted to make sure Austin didn't get smart with you and that you were healthy. Although it was probably also out of pure morbid curiosity. Peter felt a thousand knives go through his heart when he saw him kiss you and yet he didn't take his eyes off you for a second.

His mind wandered and he imagined himself in Austin's place and it was then that he resigned himself. He had lost you. He had lost you through his own fault and you weren't coming back.

That day Spiderman stopped following you and you wished he had continued to do so because Austin was starting to turn a little dark.

One night, you were in your bedroom watching a movie when Austin started kissing your neck. That was fine with you. What wasn't fine was that he slipped his hand under your skirt and between your legs and you weren't ready for that.

"Austin, I'm sorry. I'm not ready for this yet" you pulled his hand away.

"Please, y/n. We've been dating for two weeks, do you want to make me wait any longer?" The blond asked and moved his hand back up between your legs.

Peter would never have done that.

"Austin, seriously. Please stop" you pushed his hand away and sat down. You were not at all comfortable right now.

"God..." he swallowed deeply and then exhaled. "Can we at least do something oral? Seeing you wear that skirt has given me a huge hard-on. I need your help."

Peter had already seen you in that skirt and had only said it matched the color of your eyes.

"I'm not going to do anything. I don't feel comfortable and I'm not going to do it" you said firmly. You feared his reaction but you weren't going to give in to something you didn't want to do.

"Then I'll have to find someone to fix what you caused?" he stood up and took your arm. "A little unfair, don't you think?"

You wanted to scream. You wanted to spit at him. You wanted to tell him you were going to finish him off but you'd seen too many documentaries on female homicide to act any better than that.

"Austin, I'm on my period and I ate tuna in the morning so if you don't want your penis bloody or smelling like a fish fry we'd better save it for another day." You looked at him and he just nodded.

It was the best you could say... you weren't very proud but at least you could get out of that room in one piece. The documentaries had taught you that you don't tell a man you're going to leave him and take the kids. You just disappear the next day without a trace.

Obviously you weren't married and you didn't have children. But you weren't going to give him any more reason to get upset in front of you and earn an aggressive action from him. If he could run his hand up your legs without your permission, he could certainly do other things and you weren't going to stick around to find out.

You broke up with him by text message and talked to some of your friends, teachers and the principal. If Austin ever went crazy and did something to you, everyone would already know it was him because you had told them.

This news reached Peter's ears. Now he knew what Austin had done to you and his blood boiled like lava in an active volcano. Parker decided to take revenge. He didn't beat him, he was too good for that, but he did make him take off all his clothes except his underwear and threw two spider webs into his hands to stick him to the campus pole. It took several hours for the web to dissolve and by then everyone had seen him apologize to you in public, because it was part of the plan. Obviously you knew this was Peter made.

Parker still cared about you. You didn't know how that made you feel...it was like something about him drew you to him and your heart always ended up going back to him.

Peter had it in mind to use this to get you to come back to him or to at least listen to what he has to say.

Parker decided to start small. He knew he couldn't just walk up and ask you out after what he had done so he took it slow.

The first thing he did was leave you a note over a pizza box outside your bedroom that said: Thursday is pizza night.

When you saw the note you couldn't help but smile slightly. Too bad he wasn't around to observe your reaction.

The next thing was to leave you a stuffed dog stuck to the window with his web. The note said "No dogs allowed on campus but I know how much you want one. It's the best I can do... For now."

Your heart went out to him. If Peter was trying to get you to forgive him...he was succeeding in a small way.

Although, it still hurt that 1. he betrayed you like that and 2. it took him so long to try to fix it. However, it was you who asked him for time and space. So you were just mad and hurt.

But you had the right to feel whatever you wanted. He lied to you. He hurt you. Your feelings and reactions are yours and yours alone. You had learned that you shouldn't keep them to yourself. In part, Peter was the one who helped you to be more open emotionally...

The last of his moves was a small box with a note taped to it that read. "Sorry, can we talk?" And inside the box was the key to his apartment.

With this Peter wanted to tell you: I'm not with MJ because I didn't give her the key.

That's exactly what you thought. But it's never good to have false expectations so you took it as calmly as possible. Under the keys was another note that read. "7 pm. My apartment. Please."

You were going to go. But you wanted it to be a last minute surprise for him. If you were nervous, Peter was six times as nervous.

His spidey senses were driving him crazy. He was pacing back and forth all over his apartment as he counted the candles (artificial because we don't want fire accidents), dinner in the oven...lasagna. The only thing he had learned to cook from his Aunt May and nobperfectly because the cheese was a little browner than it should be.

The music, his favorite songs on a playlist and some of his own choice that repeated the word "I'm sorry" a lot, the message was explicit and implicit. Peter was sorry and wanted to make amends more than anything else in the world.

Parker was about to go crazy. He even hung upside down from the ceiling trying to calm his nerves. You were 16 minutes and 37 seconds late (not that Peter was counting) but you arrived and he was more than relieved.

He opened the door and there you were. Wearing that cute skirt again. Autin had ruined it for you, yes. But nothing Peter's smile at seeing you in it couldn't fix.

"You came" he looks at you like you're not real. Like you were a product of the blood pooling in his head after hanging from the ceiling.

"I'm sorry. I'm late... Anya needed help with the hem of her dress and it was torn so it was tedious to get it fixed" you bite your lip. If your heart is going fast you know hers is going with propellant.

"It's okay" he quickly replies. "It doesn't matter" he smiles that smile you missed so much. "The important thing is that you're here now."

"I think so..." you nod slightly and bite your lip walking into his apartment.

You inhale deeply and there's that signature smell of his home. It's an indescribable scent that every home has and you missed that smell so much...

"Did you like my gifts?" he asks hoping to hear the answer.

"It was nice... I didn't think you still remembered I wanted a dog" you fold your arms. You're here to talk. But you're still hurting and you were never good at being a hypocrite pretending everything is okay when it's not.

"I pay attention to you. I have always done" walks over to the dining room table and pulls the chair over to sit you down. "I made lasagna...the cheese is a little burnt so we can order food if you don't want to eat it or I can-"

"Peter" you stop him before he talks too much and smile. "It's okay... I like the golden cheese on the lasagna." You sit down and thank him as he pulls your chair into the dining room.

"Okay..." he inhales deeply and takes the lasagna out of the oven which wasn't on but, he kept it in there so it wouldn't get cold. "Water, right?" He asks as he places your lasagna in front of you.

"That's right" you watch the water fill your glass and then him sit down across from you. "You wanted to talk?" You blurt out once you both start eating.

"Yes...I did. I wanted to apologize for everything" he sighs and looks down at his fork after taking a big bite. "What I said about MJ last time didn't-."

"You don't have to explain that to me." You interrupt him.

"Please let me finish..." he looks at you pleadingly. "I want to explain to you why my choice of words wasn't the best and made you think I had called you because MJ couldn't and that's not true." He denies. "I didn't call MJ because I didn't want to call her. I called you because you're the one I wanted around, I want around." He clarifies.

"I see..." you take a sip of water. You know how hard it is for him to express himself in a good way.

"About what happened at the fair..." he sighs heavily remembering it. He hated himself for what he had done. "I got carried away with my emotions. I regret that every day and it will never happen again. I will never put you through that again if you decide to give me a chance."

"Why did it take you so long to ask her? Couldn't you decide between me and her?" You raise an eyebrow.

"No. I chose you. It took me so long to tell you because you'd asked me for some time and.... then I saw you with that asshole Austin." Her jaw tenses. "He's a jerk. And if it wasn't for my mistake we never would have broken up and you never would have dated that monster."

"You can't blame yourself for that. It was my decision to be with him" you close your eyes for a moment. "Thanks, by the way. Friendly neighbor spiderman came to the rescue." You smile and your eyes meet his.

"I couldn't sit still" he shrugs.

"And I'm glad you didn't" you move your hand across the table and take his.

"I...I'm really sorry for everything, y/n" his voice cracks. "Absolutely for everything and I miss you and I love you and I need you. Please..."

"So... to clarify..." you pause. "You and MJ didn't get back together?"

"No," Peter denies flatly. "We never kissed again or tried to go out as anything more than friends. That kiss was a mistake. Our relationship ended then, we moved on with our lives and I found you. The only good thing that has happened to me in so long...please don't tell me I blew it."

"Peter..." you sigh "it's true that you hurt me like I never thought you would but... there's also more to this story like the fact that you guys never had closure because of the multiverse" you laugh lightly thinking about how crazy that just sounded.

"Does that mean you don't want to get back together with me?" he asks in a low tone of voice.

"No, Peter" you sigh. "I do want to get back together with you" you look him in the eye. "But if something like this happens again I promise you that will be it. No more chances, okay?"

"Wait wait wait wait" peter gets up like a bolt of lightning and runs to his room to get the promise rings. He comes back with you and opens the little box so you can see it. "They're promise rings. I'll never put you through anything like this again, I swear."

You nod with a smile and Peter places the ring on your finger.

"You don't know how happy you've made me" he helps you up from the table and takes your cheeks to kiss you. "I love you, I love you, I love you..." he repeats over and over as he leaves kisses all over your face.

"I love you too, Peter" you laugh lightly and grab him by the collar of his shirt to kiss him deeply.

It's a needy kiss, so in the blink of an eye you're already on his bed as he kisses your neck.

"We can stop if you'd rather go slow" he pauses to watch your eyes.

"Are you kidding me? Peter, I need you" you moan and kiss him again.

Peter smiles and his hand goes up the inside of your skirt. Peter looks at you and asks if you agree before his hand lands on your underwear.

That's your Peter, the man you love more than anything in the world. A man who respects you, values you and makes you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.

As his cock slips in and out of you, you try to maintain eye contact. His face of concentration mixed with pleasure as he feels your walls squeezing him just as only you know how is the most precious thing to look at.

"Is that okay?" He increases his speed a little and holds your hips.

"Harder, please," you beg. You arch your back to give him a better angle and pull on his hair.

"Fuck, princess... you're going to be the death to me" his hands intertwine with yours and he penetrates you deeper keeping up the pace. His Spider-Man skills make him last longer and tire less. Which you are infinitely grateful for.

When you both finish. Peter helps you clean yourself gently and lies down next to you extending his arm for you to lay your head on his chest. His fingers run lightly up and down your arm and his lips kiss your forehead.

"I'm sorry for being a jerk" He is the first to break the silence.

"It's okay...it's in the past" you leave a chaste kiss on his left pec and feel him bristle.

"No more secrets, no more lies, I won't ruin it again, I promise" he looks you in the eyes and takes your chin to kiss you.

"Remember the day we met?" you smile slightly at the memory.

"Of course I remember, I was going through a bad time and you made some horrible jokes that lifted my mood" he lets out a chuckle.

"That's when I knew you were the one" you laugh and caress his cheek.

"Why?" he frowns in confusion.

"Because you were the one who always laughed at the stupid things that go through my head." You scoff.

"You know when I realized you were the one?" He kisses the tip of your nose.

"When?" you ask intrigued.

"When you cooked a whole dinner to tell me you liked me and didn't run away when you found out I was Spider-Man" his eyes sparkle watching yours.

"I love you, Peter Parker" you lean in to kiss his lips.

"I love you too, Y/n Y/l/n" he kisses your lips deeply and full of love. "Forever and ever."

~~~♥︎♡♥︎~~~

Peter Parker Tags

@raajali3 @fangirling-galore @powerpuffluuvv @itszulli @hallecarey1 @xoxokiaraaxoxo @kaitieskidmore1 @lnmp89 @pure-a-tea @vixparker @army24--7 @spiderydreams00 @my-name-duh @nani-2305

'Choices' Tags

@parkerpeterparker2004 @afro-hispwriter @sakaki-chaaaaannn @insertsupercoolusernamehere @local-mr-frog @diasnohibng @stilesismyhusband @tombolland1996 @ellesalazar @cursedandromedablack @ifilwtmfc @newtmaskilledme @sweetenertea @wonieeee @jackiehollanderr @parkthothwa8 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @itsmadamehydra @luvherfairy @reneinii @pauuuus @rootbeerfaygo @janoskiansecondsofdirection @bubble-blu @silscintilla @agustdeeyaa @zadri @mrstangerinejohnson @amarawayne @rootbeerfaygo @roses-ztdx @marvelfreakgirl @greekmythsthing @pbeckn26 @brittney69 @ykyouluvme @fucktthisworld @dogmomalsop @midnightmystic @rayan39 @kneelforloki @555stargirl555

#peter parker angst #peter parker imagine #peter parker x reader #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker #peter parker au #peter parker and reader #spiderman x reader #spiderman fanfiction #spiderman #no way home #spiderman tom holland #tom holland spiderman #tom holland #fanfics #fanfic #fanfiction #angst #angst with fluff #angst with happy ending #spiderman smut #peter parker smut #tom holland smut

[catreginae]

Thou Shalt Not Fall: The Past - Teaching Old Vampires New Tricks

The vampires try to train Link in all things vampire… but it doesn't go the way it usually goes. The vampires begin to realize that Link isn't quite the same as the other vampires.

I'm sorry this took so long! It just took its time in the oven but it's here now! Also, I wanted to save it for the 2nd anniversary of Thou Shalt Not Fall! Happy birthday to my funny little vampire dude!

Link was impressed with Elena's set up. Their estate was large, though the part of the estate the vampires lived in was much smaller than the part of the estate that the Hylians lived in. From the ground floor up, it was everything he expected of a manor for nobles – there was a lot of furniture for people to converse in, art hanging from the walls and sculptures on display, and the constant bustle of people who he assumed worked there. The upper floors had bedrooms, though Link only saw inside the guest ones.

The vampires resided in the basement and, with the basement being underground, there were no windows – and therefore no sun – to worry about. The vampires didn't seem to care for art as much as the nobles upstairs did, but the amount of furniture they had rivalled the amount of furniture that the Hylian nobles had, even though their space was a bit smaller.

However, one thing he found was that everything was too loud and the amount of different things he could smell was overwhelming. He hadn't really noticed how his senses changed since he was stuck in his room for so long, but now that he wasn't just stuck in his room it was way too much. Link finished the tour with Elena and went back into his room.

“I admit, it's been a long time since I was in your place,” Walter, one of the vampires, said as Link laid on his bed with the pillow held to his face again. He invited himself inside and sat down by the foot of his bed. “Most people are turned by other vampires and only surrounded by other vampires, so we don't usually have to uh... quarantine new vampires to the point where something like this happens. It should only take a few days before you adjust.”

Link hissed in response. He didn't know where the hissing was coming from, but he found it worked well enough. Besides, he liked the way his throat and chest rumbled to make the noise in the first place. Walter laughed.

“You have a lot to catch up now that you don't have to be a hermit, but we'll take it one step at a time.”

He groaned. Just how long was he going to be stuck here?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Walter was right. In a couple of days it was no longer so overwhelming to be about in the manor, but he still had to be accompanied by another vampire. So far that job seemed to fall to Walter. Link didn't mind that so much.

One day, while Link was in his room after drinking a cup of blood, Walter asked to see the mark of his blessing. Usually he wouldn't show it off so easily because, for some reason, it felt kind of private. The fact that he was the hero and had a piece of the Triforce was no secret, not even to the general population, but that didn't mean he went around showing it off. Walter seemed so excited though and Link was already more comfortable with Walter than he was with most of his soldiers, so he held out his hand and let Walter hold it. Walter ran his thumb over the mark.

“There it is. Have you always had it?”

“The Triforce? I don't know. The mark wasn't always there, though. It appeared after my first, true battle. It was during a time of need and while it didn't protect me completely, the person I was with came out unscathed.”

“Interesting! Can you feel it or is it just a mark?”

“I mean, the mark kind of burns sometimes when all three pieces are in proximity of each other, but otherwise having the mark doesn't feel any different than not having it.”

Suddenly, Walter's thumb moved from the mark on his hand to the scars instead. Link raised an eyebrow as the other vampire massaged his scarred hand, like he was trying to erase them.

“I'm sure Elena has told you that we vampires are able to regenerate. If I got stabbed with a sword right now, the wound would heal almost instantly. There's a few catches though – one is that you will only ever be restored how you were when you were turned. These scars will always remain, but you will never get a new one.”

“What are the other catches?” Link asked.

“Wounds involving our weaknesses take longer to heal. If you were burnt by fire for example, the burns would take longer to heal than a regular stab wound. If the weaknesses don't kill you, they will take longer to heal. Also, you need to have blood in your system to regenerate, otherwise you'll just sit with the wounds,” he said with a smile that seemed almost... nostalgic. “You will live, of course. Our bodies are much more durable than that of a normal mortal. Hunting troublesome vampires is actually quite a revered career abroad, due to how hard vampires are to kill.”

It was a lot to take in but his life did change a lot in the last two weeks, or three if he counted the week he spent wondering what was happening to him before he woke up in the manor. Regardless, he’s been a vampire for less than a month and at some point he was supposed to be independent. If he wanted to go back to Mask and Tune and help figure out why they were still here, he had to figure it all out. His job as a hero would make it impossible for him to lean on the vampires as much as he currently was. Maybe if he treated the whole thing like a class that had some sort of test at the end, it would be easier for him to take it all in.

“So we're essentially a meat shield.”

Walter chuckled. “If you choose to be, I suppose. Getting wounded still hurts, even if we heal quickly, so you should keep that in mind.”

Link merely hummed. He could handle some pain.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One of his first lessons involved Elena bringing in another glass of blood while he was sitting by the fireplace with Walter, though the smell of it wasn't quite as strong as he was used to. The reason was that the top of the cup was covered by some leather, with the excess folded over and tied to the cup with a bit of twine. He poked the leather and found that he could feel the blood moving underneath.

“You have to figure out how to use your fangs now. When you leave the estate, people aren't going to be around to serve you glasses of blood. You will have to source it yourself.”

Link looked from the covered cup of blood back to Walter and Elena.

“We can suck blood up with our fangs,” Walter supplied. “There's tiny grooves on the back of our fangs that channels blood from the source and into our mouth. You just have to bite and suck.”

Link almost laughed because the image that popped into his head at Walter's words had nothing to do with the cup of blood he was holding. Instead, he steeled himself and focused on the cup. With some ease, he summoned his fangs and used his fangs to pierce the leather cover. Following Walter's advice, he was surprised to find that he could taste it on his tongue. He swallowed it and pulled his fangs out.

“That felt... strange.”

But also good . It felt good to have his teeth buried in something. 

Elena smiled. “Very nice. You can have the rest of that – drink as much as you can with just your fangs but I don't expect you to get to the bottom. Maybe you can go hunting soon. We drink animal blood for the most part because the Hylians will drain the blood from the game they catch before they use the rest of the animal for themselves, but we do drink monster blood if monsters happen to be too close.”

Link considered that as he continued to drink the blood with his fangs planted back into the leather cover. Monster blood was probably going to be his best bet. He could sneak away from the castle or any campsite the army made, kill a monster, and drink its blood. Of course, not all monsters looked easy to drink from. Could his fangs pierce the scales of a lizalfos? He had no idea how sharp his fangs actually were. 

Walter frowned. “Monster blood is kind of... icky.”

“It's his best bet though. I have no doubt he fights and kills plenty of them. It's just a matter of going back to the bodies when he can sneak away, drain them, then chop their heads off.”

“You're not wrong but it's not helpful if he can't stomach it.”

“Maybe that's just you,” Elena said with a shrug. “The rest of us can drink it even if it's not the tastiest.”

“My lady, you wound me,” Walter whined. Then, he turned towards Link and pulled him close. “You will know what I mean.”

“I'm not interested in settling some sort of argument between you two,” Link muttered when he withdrew his fangs from the cover to take it off completely. What did he have to do to drink some blood in peace? It only occurred to him a second later that it was a strange thought for him to have. A month ago, the thought of drinking blood would have disgusted him. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Is monster blood actually disgusting?” Link asked as carefully ducked under a tree branch that Marcus was short enough to simply walk under. The younger-yet-older vampire had yet to turn back to look at him at once so Link knew not to push his mood too much, especially since he didn't know exactly where Marcus was taking him. He knew Hyrule pretty well but he didn't know the region where the estate was that well.

Especially in the dark. His eyesight was better, especially when he had his fangs out, but that didn't mean he recognized the way it looked in the moonlight.

“It's not that bad. Walter is just being dramatic about it. It's not as good as animal or human blood but it should do just fine. You might actually enjoy it more.”

Link didn't say anything. He was... kind of confused. Why would he enjoy blood that didn't taste as good?

“I don't feel bad about killing monsters. It's the only time I get to go all out these days. Their blood might not taste as good but it's kind of fun to drink every last job. Trust me. You'll get it.”

They continued to walk in silence for another fifteen minutes or so when the smell on the wind changed. He wrinkled his nose. Marcus finally stopped and turned around, his fangs visible and his eyes changed. “Smell it?”

“I smell… something?”

“Hmph. Follow me.”

In a blink of an eye, Marcus practically disappeared, speeding away with a speed Warriors never saw before. Was he supposed to be able to go that fast? Maybe if his fangs were out he could. Marcus had his fangs out at any rate. Well, either way, he wasn't getting anywhere without running even if it was at the pace he always knew.

He started running and picking up a pace he never managed to reach before. He was always able to run fast, part of the reason why he did so well in training, but he never ran so fast before. He quickly realized that his pace was too fast though. He could barely see where he was going. He had even less of an opportunity to change direction to dodge any obstacles, so when he saw the tree in front of him, he knew there wasn't much, if anything, he could do.

At first, he only knew he hit the tree when he stopped moving. For a blissful moment, there was no pain, just a momentary pause in reality before it all caught up with him and he could feel the blood drop down his face. The pain came shortly after, burning in his forehead. He groaned and sat up, shooting a glare at the tree as he rose to his feet. He stumbled once but he found his balance quickly. He felt his forehead. He could feel where the skin split but he would have to get a better look later. For the time being, he had to find the little bastard that left him behind.

Apparently, he didn't need to bother, as he could see Marcus coming out from behind the trees.

“What's taking you so long?”

Link merely shot him a glare.

“I see you didn't see a tree,” Marcus said with a smirk but frowned when he saw the wound. “That should have healed by now.”

Link stayed silent, completely unsure of what Marcus could possibly expect him to say. Like, why mention it? He was then further thrown off when Marcus' feet left the ground and he just sort of hovered in front of him, inspecting the wound with a confused frown. He didn't say anything more about it when his feet touched the ground again.

“Well, you still need to learn how to hunt. Come along.”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

The vampires were looking at him more closely since he came back from the hunting trip with Marcus. Clearly, there was something weird about his wound. He knew vampires healed fast and he did! The gash on his head was all healed by the time they returned so he didn't understand what the big deal was. He would have never healed that fast without a potion a month ago. 

Either way, they were watching him, and he was aware of the fact that he was being watched when they led him to a large, empty room. It had a surprisingly high ceiling for a room that was underground but he wouldn’t be surprised if Elena designed the entire manor from top to bottom and specifically planned for a large, underground room with high ceilings.

“This is our sparring room,” Elena stated. Today, she ditched her usual elegant dress for a hooded purple tunic, black leggings, and knee high boots. In fact, all of them were wearing pants that day, something that struck Link as more functional than he was used to seeing them all wear. They were definitely planning on it. “It’s time for us to work on developing your powers. Even if you don’t use them, working on control will help prevent you from using them accidentally.”

Walter came to his side and patted him on the shoulder. “It feels like flexing a muscle. It should come naturally.”

Link wasn’t so sure about that. Sure, running faster than he ever did in his life came naturally, but the control over his fangs didn’t. His control over his fangs wasn’t perfect either, though he did have a better grasp of his fangs than he did when he first discovered he had them. As if sensing his apprehension, Walter elaborated.

“It’s like controlling your fangs. You just have to want to do it. It’s about intention. Just watch us.”

There was a lot to absorb in a short amount of time. Vampires could fly – that was what Marcus was doing before when he was checking his forehead earlier. Good to know. Link was aware of the superhuman speed but the superhuman strength was new, which was proven when Marcus kicked Walter into the wall with such strength that the wall cracked and crumbled. Elena looked at the damage with a shake of her head but she was judging them with her feet firmly planted on the ceiling. Last but not least, was the hypnosis, which was something that Link couldn’t even try to practice with them – apparently, only Elena was able to hypnotize other vampires. They would have to bring in a Hylian and Link didn’t want to inconvenience any of them.

For the first couple of days, Link simply watched the other vampires, hoping that if he just studied long enough, he could figure out how to replicate what they could do. 

But when several days passed, he was growing increasingly frustrated. The speed and strength was something that did actually come naturally – as long as he had his fangs out and focused, the speed and strength came. He couldn’t say the same about anything else. No matter how often Marcus, Walter, and Audrey threw him around the room, he always hit a wall or floor. He couldn’t recover by floating or flying. At most, he could tuck himself in and roll, minimizing the damage he was receiving. 

Elena also tried to help him walk on the ceiling and the walls, or ‘wall-crawl’ as they put it. She would hold him by the shoulders or waist, he would take a couple of steps, and fell whenever she let go.

The only nice part about those days was Beth, the vampire who only looked to be around thirteen at the most. She helped him get back on his feet, always found himself some blood to drink when the others were done for the day, and tried her best to say something encouraging when she saw him. She was starting to remind him of Mask. 

He missed that little brat. He missed all of them. 

“We’re taking a break for a few days,” Elena announced as she started inspecting his growing collection of partially healed bones and cuts. Link was sitting up in bed while Elena sat beside him. She pressed her fingers into his forearm and he couldn’t help but to hiss in response as pain shot up his entire arm. “Not because I don’t believe in you but because this is clearly taking a toll on you.”

“Let me guess, I should have healed already,” Link muttered.

“Your regeneration is definitely abnormal. I haven’t seen a vampire recover as slowly as you. I feel as though I’m missing something…” She lowered his arm and put a hand on the shoulder that wasn’t connected to his broken arm. “I’m sorry, Link. I treated you as I would treat any other vampire but you aren’t like other vampires. Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that you were turned by magic. Either way, we should have met you where you were, not where we expected you to be. That’s our fault.”

She let out a sigh when Link said nothing further.

“Link, do you plan on using your powers?”

“Do I even really have them?”

“I’m sure you have them,” Elena said quietly. “We just don’t know how to bring them out. It’s not your fault. ”

Link rolled his eyes and settled his head into his fist before he remembered that his arm was broken and that it hurt to do that. It wasn’t Elena that was the source of his frustration. Clearly, they had no idea how to help him with his powers, despite that being the entire reason why he was even there to begin with. What made him so different? He just didn’t get it. 

“I don’t think it’s worth pursuing it,” Link muttered. He was just tired and he didn’t know where it came from. He knew what it was like to keep running forward, no matter what was going on in the background. He knew what it was like to get beaten down and get back up again. That was the basis of his military career. He was getting back up ever since he started dabbling in swordplay as a child. He wasn’t used to giving up but there he was, telling the strongest vampire in Hyrule that he didn’t want to figure out these powers that he may or may not have.

“If that’s what you want, then we will refocus. We’ll make sure you’re confident in feeding yourself and being around people without craving anything,” she said with a smile. “And if you ever change your mind down the road, we’ll be here.”

He didn’t know what he expected but it wasn’t Elena taking his response so easily.

“Thank you.”

“Now, I’ll let the others know to let you rest up. I’m not sure why your regeneration is so slow but getting some sleep might help you out. I’ll be back later with some blood.”

She left just a moment later. Link sighed. He laid himself flat on his bed, pulled the covers up, and rested his broken arm on his chest. He was pretty damn tired.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

One of the things that puzzled the vampires was the fact that he was still attracted to the smell of the kitchen upstairs. His nose was sensitive enough that he could smell the Hylians upstairs cooking food from the basement if he was near the stairs or by the fireplace, and sometimes he found himself sitting outside the kitchens just to enjoy the smell. It was like the food he got in the castle, though he supposed he shouldn't be surprised that the Hylian nobles fronting for the vampires would also eat well. Sometimes, he could smell the pastries and it made his mouth water.

“You shouldn't be interested in this stuff, you know,” Audrey muttered. It was one of the rare times where all five of the vampires were together outside of the training room, gathered with him outside of the kitchens. “You can't eat it. You'll just throw it up.”

“He would be new enough to remember how things taste,” Walter said with a shrug. “The mind is a powerful thing. He probably wants it because his mind is still associating the smell with how he knows solid food tastes.”

“I say we just let him eat and find out what happens,” Marcus muttered with a huff. “Besides, I never went through that.”

“He's right here,” Beth mumbled. “It's rude to talk about people like they aren't around.”

“Link, it's up to you. You can try it if you want but it won't taste like anything and you won't be able to keep it down.”

“Maybe just a spoonful? It's been a while since I had solid food.” Though by the sounds of it, he shouldn't even be worried about that. They were all pretty sure he couldn't keep it down but Link had a nagging feeling that it didn't match his experience. He didn't know when he started being a vampire, at least not down to the day, but he was still eating at the castle and he could keep it down. He didn’t get sick at all. The only thing that clued him into the fact that something was wrong was actually the fact that he didn’t feel full, no matter how much he ate. He had a constant craving that only raw meat did anything for.

Elena raised an eyebrow, then disappeared into the kitchen. She emerged a second later with what looked to be a small amount of cake on a spoon. Just enough for a bite.

“You're going to throw it up,” Audrey warned.

“If he keeps it down for a minute, I'll do more of the babysitting,” Marcus said with a smirk. Link glared at him, then took the spoon out of Elena's hand and shoved it into his mouth.

And damn, it was a good cake. Just from the small chunk he had, it was fluffy and moist and he could taste the chocolate in it! He loved chocolate, but he rarely had it with how hard it was to get, even though he lived with Zelda and could get it any time he wanted. He just felt bad for doing so. He hummed.

“Not that you guys would know, but that was an excellent cake.”

“Well, how do you feel?” Beth asked, tilting her head slightly.

It felt a little heavy but the last time he had solid food was the castle. It was kind of expected that even a small amount wouldn't exactly settle well in his stomach. He didn't feel nauseous though. He said as much out loud, much to the shock of all the vampires in the hallway. All of them, except for Elena, were looking at each other with quirked eyebrows and frowns. Marcus started chewing on his lips with his fangs as he tried to study Link, like he was looking for any sign that would win his little bet after all.

“Really? Not even a little nauseous?”

“You really don't like me, do you?” Link said, rolling his eyes. He wished he had more cake to rub into Marcus' face, but he was sure if he had much more, he would throw it up with how long he went without solid food. He knew that in cases where somebody was starved, you couldn't just feed them a full meal again. He would have to work his way back up to solids, all the while keeping up with all the blood he had to drink to keep himself sane. 

“I've never seen a vampire eat solid food and keep it down,” Elena mumbled with a frown, settling her hands on her hips before she shook her head and started walking back towards the stairs that led to the basement. “I think I might have to write some letters, consult some vampires that are even older than me...”

“Ah, wait for me!” Walter called out as he scrambled to catch up with her. 

“Huh, I can’t believe you stumped Elena,” Beth said. “Good job.” 

Link found himself chewing on his lips with his fangs. Why was he so different? 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Link made it a habit to go into the kitchen while the cooks were working for a small bowl of food to try himself back up to eating solids again. It was part of his plans for a disguise – nobody would think anything was odd if he could eat food alongside everybody else. He could hunt for blood during the night when only a skeleton crew was around to keep watch. He just had to fix his sleeping schedule and confirm one small thing.

He wasn't scared of sunlight itself – his experience differed after all – but he was a bit worried about how he was going to test it out. Link was going to have to sneak past all the servants who knew he was a vampire. There were no windows where the vampires lived since it was underground, so he would have to make it upstairs to a window just to confirm that he could indeed handle the sunlight. Link was also going to have to stay awake since he was getting tired and finding his way back to his borrowed room around the same time the other vampires did.

Link decided to take his chances on a day where he noticed that there were fewer servants around than usual. The vampires usually had a few servants around during the day who did some chores before they left to go back upstairs – he could hear them doing things in the basement on days where he wasn’t in a deep sleep – but he heard fewer footsteps than normal. He cracked his door open, peaked outside, and left when he saw nobody in the hallways.

At this point, he was pretty comfortable navigating the manor even though he only ever ventured upstairs at night with the other vampires. The closest windows were in the hallway that led to the basement, as it gave the vampires an opportunity to see how much light there still was before they left the safety of the staircase. He was sure it was why this hallway in particular had so many damn windows.

By the time he got up there, the entire hallway was lit up by the early morning light. For a moment he hesitated, but Link didn’t get anywhere by turning back when he was scared. He took a deep breath and walked into the hallway, holding out his hand as he approached the light so that he only burnt or lost his hand if he ended up being horrifically wrong.

Nothing happened. His hand was in direct sunlight and nothing happened.

That was all Link needed to walk towards the window and look outside, letting the sun warm his face. He liked the moonlight fine enough but he did miss the sunlight. He missed how much more awake and active the world was during the day. He’d get used only being outside at night, but he was glad he didn’t have to pick and choose.

“What are you doing?” somebody asked. Before Link knew it, he was knocked to the floor towards the stairs and away from the sunlight. “Don’t you know that sunlight is dangerous for vampires?”

Link wiggled out from under whoever tackled him, finding it to be one of the servants that was often in the basement, although he didn’t know her name. To her credit, she was a lot stronger than she looked. “Did it look like it was bad for me?”

The woman paused, but he didn’t get another word in before he could feel the presence of one of the other vampires on the stairs behind him. Marcus. Despite being shorter than Link, and younger if they were both Hylian, Marcus made him feel small, like he was just a little trainee again.

“What are you doing now?” Marcus asked, glaring at Link.

“He was at the windows, in the sun.”

Marcus raised his eyebrows, looking between Link, the servant, and the rays of sunlight in the hallway. Suddenly, the other vampire grabbed his arm and started to drag him down the stairs. He didn’t even give Link a chance to get his feet on the floor but he managed to find his footing quickly.

“Hey! What are you doing?”

He didn’t get a response. Marcus dragged him down the stairs, down a hallway he wasn’t familiar with but he knew that was where some of the vampires slept during the day. He picked a door at the end of the hallway and let himself inside. The first thing Link noticed was the large canopy bed in the middle of the room, which used a dark, lacy fabric for the curtains. He also noticed a couple of torches mounted to the wall, though only one was lit, and a thick red carpet under the bed.

“Elena! Your little project can sit in sunlight and not burn into a crisp!” Marcus called out.

“He can what?” Elena asked quietly as she shuffled around in her bed and opened the curtains of her bed. It was the first time he saw Elena dressed down, wearing only a white, loose nightgown.

“Sunlight doesn’t bother him.”

She sat up straighter and swung her legs so that they dangled off of the side of her bed. “Link, come closer.”

Marcus let him go so that he could. She grabbed his left hand, her hand brushing over the mark of his blessing. She studied his hand. Her intense gaze made him nervous but he stayed silent. Marcus stayed at her door.

“In some ways, you’re exactly like us. Your eyes look the same, your fangs work the same way, blood helped calm you down the first time you came here, and you wouldn’t be able to stomach blood at all if you weren’t a vampire. On the other hand, you can eat solid food and withstand sunlight. You aren’t human, but you aren’t quite a vampire either. I wonder if it’s because you're a carrier of a piece of the golden power that you ended up somewhere in the middle instead.”

“I heard something about Link and sunlight?” Walter asked, his voice drifting in from the door.

“Back when we were in Labrynna, there were plenty of vampires who said that they, or another vampire friend of theirs, knew somebody who was born from a union of a vampire and a human. However, whenever they were asked to prove that this being existed, no proof was ever offered. You may very well be the first half-vampire anybody’s ever seen.”

“You really think so?” Marcus asked.

“Do you have a better explanation for what we’ve noticed?” Elena asked.

Walter hummed. “Half-vampire, huh? Can the Triforce really do that? Just make him half-vampire instead of a regular vampire?”

“It’s protected me before,” Link muttered. He couldn’t think of anything else, unless that weird spell that Cia hit him with only intended to turn him into a half-vampire instead of a full vampire in the first place. He doubted that was the case though. Cia didn’t seem to be the kind to half-ass things. “What do we do now?”

Elena grabbed his other hand so that she held both, then looked into his eyes. “The same thing we were going to do. We’ll make sure you can feed yourself and stay in control. We’ll make sure you can pass as Hylian as much as possible. Once that is done, we’ll send you back to the world so you can do what you have to do. If you have the time and you ever need us... we’ll be here.”

#catreginae: thou shalt not fall #linked universe #linkeduniverse #my writing #lu warriors

[rollercoasterwords]

genuinely thank you so much for writing thtf. it's my favourite thing to read in the whole world for so many reasons. like other than where it's obviously devastating (in SUCH a good way), idk it just makes me so happy

I think it's the first wip i followed from start to finish and I have to say that part of 2022 was not the greatest but yk, every few days there'd be a new chapter. and it was great.

I fucking love Dorcas talking about "a butterfly in the palm of your hand" it's changed the way I think so much. like you would not expect this from a fanfic lmao but it's pretty much exactly what I needed to hear at the time. living just to live, even if it's complete shit, not caring about what they're leaving behind. ch 42 (i think) where all they're doing is just washing the dishes but it's so special and they're listening to dawn storm is so important to me I love it SO much. fucking amazing.

ngl I don't really think there's anything I don't like. every character feels so right - regulus in particular sticks out to me, like there's such a good balance between him doing pretty bad things because he's not a particularly "good person" but also not being a complete dick. also I would die for marlene mckinnon and the way you write her is just so fucking good. the way she is just so alive to make up for her shorter life is so beautiful to me. I could ramble on for a very long time about everything in this fic but I dont want this to get too long lol

the music you put on the chapters is also really good like I'm pretty sure the first time I read it I didn't listen the music and then I reread it with the music and it was like a whole different experience

yeah i would've sent this earlier (like maybe a year ago) but looks like I put it off for a really long time lol

also - really love where atwmd is going rn I'm so excited for more chapters, i love Sirius Black etc etc

ahh thank u this is so sweet! i love hearing that thtf resonated w people it definitely feels like the fic kinda took on its own life & became a little philosophical journey that i was not entirely expecting lol. i think writing a story where i knew my main characters were going 2 die the whole time really made me contemplate like. ok what do i actually want 2 say abt death, and by way of that what do i wanna say abt life? bc like. as someone who doesn't believe in an afterlife i didn't wanna write a story that says "well it's ok bc they can be happy in the afterlife" <3 bc like. that does not comfort me lol. & i also didn't wanna write a story that was like "it's ok bc there's gonna be a good future 4 others after them," bc i think life means something and matters even outside of futurity. i didn't wanna play into this narrative that u have 2 Do Something 2 make ur life meaningful by making sure u have an impact on the future, etc; i wanted 2 write abt life as meaningful outside of that. & i also specifically wanted 2 write abt life as something beautiful & meaningful even with the bad stuff mixed in, and even if death is abrupt and scary and painful and unwanted. like i purposely made both their deaths pretty brutal bc i personally find the idea of a "bad death" really scary! the idea of dying before ur ready, dying scared or alone or in pain or all three, etc...and i think part of why that's so scary is bc we place this big emphasis, again, on a linear timeline of life, where death is The End, and if The End is bad, then the story's a sad one. but death is just one moment in the sum total of billions of moments throughout your life; why should that bad cancel out all the good? why should a story be sad, just because the last page of it is sad? you can open the book to any page and find happiness, and love, and warmth, etc. & that's what i'm trying 2 say w "a story is not its end."

anyway. this got much longer than expected lol i love 2 ramble abt thtf but! again ty 4 the kind words glad u enjoyed the fic glad u enjoyed the music as well!! i love the playlist 4 that fic <3

#ask #thtf #wfrau #<- glad ur enjoying this one as well! <3

[theminecraftbee]

You're so right! Puppies are a HUGE time commitment with all the training and socialization necessary for a healthy happy dog! A lot of times, people will opt for notoriously friendly breeds like labradors or goldens because they think they'll be easy, but don't realize that even though they're kind, social dogs, they're bred to work! They're HIGH ENERGY and also very needy.

Puppies are a huge lifestyle change but they're so so worth it if a shift in daily schedule is possible! Morgan is adorable, I would love pupdates as she grows up <3

there’s a reason labs and goldens took turns being the most popular dogs in America for a while (frenchies are actually the current most-popular) - they’re really social animals, they’re very very trainable (morgan is VERY SMART GIRL who has ALREADY LEARNED a lot of important things and she’s like… a baby). but yes, they’re also higher-energy dogs! with labs and goldens this will depend somewhat on the dog’s lineage as well - chocolate labs are notoriously kind of crazy, for example, but also you’re looking for “show line” dogs rather than a hunting dog if you’re getting a family pet, as labs and goldens bred for hunting actually tend to be a bit different from the “standard” you’ve met before and also are higher-energy dogs who need more work to do.

but like, even a morgan, who is indeed show lineage and not hunting and also from a lineage of dogs that were mostly family pets in their time instead of working dogs, will require a LOT of exercise - I think the number the breeder gave me is that she should be walking as much as three miles every day, and I plan on teaching her stuff like tug to get energy out, and also I’m already worried she’s a little bored in her puppy area and am planning on expanding that out and getting more brain toys (like treat hiding puzzles). goldens are not actually a bad first dog, so long as you’re confident in your ability to control a larger dog, as they don’t tend to be as “aloof” or as obstinate as some dogs can be, and also are VERY trainable both due to being smart and due to being extremely food-motivated, but they’re very needy dogs who get lonely easily, so that should be kept in mind! also, big dogs need big space and if you don’t have a yard, there are other dogs that are much better for that (I’m pretty sure that’s why frenchies became so popular; they’re much more apartment-sized dogs). this is actually also part of why I can be a LITTLE wary of doodles; poodles tend to be higher-strung than the golden and while the GOAL is “poodle fur/low-shedding with a golden temperament” you can never be fully certain with a crossbreed that you won’t get “golden fur and shedding with a poodle temperament”, which is a different dog. (standard poodles tend to be less high-strung than the minis and toys to be fair, but they’re still somewhat more high strung dogs than a golden.) also goldens are a large breed and remain “puppy” for like, two years, so if you aren’t prepared to handle puppy energy that long maybe go for a different breed.

…as you might imagine I did a bunch of research. this is a huge paragraph. but YES. they’re so worth it if you can handle the lifestyle change that it requires. my body is still trying to adjust to the fact that I now have to wake up at like, 6:30 am, and go to bed by 11 pm, so that puppy learns schedule and also because puppy guaranteed 100% cannot last longer in her crate than that and even that’s pushing it a LITTLE, although she’s been surprisingly good about sleeping through the night so far. but she’s so good and cute and I love her already so, as stated. it is worth it!

#answered

[moccabunie]

things I've learned after a year writing fanfiction

This is a post from a non-writer who, apparently, now writes (❓) And this is a little crazy to me, considering that a year ago writing less than 1k decent words took a lot of effort. But this year I have completed a +100k project. (It's still difficult, though.)

I found out that the more I wrote, the easier it was to get into the story. So I think that being captivated by my own story has made a lot. I am an eager fanfiction reader, but I had yet to really try to write something on my own.

That was until I got hyper-fixated on three characters and wrote a small story about them sharing a room, and it was one of the funniest and most rewarding things I've done. So I was like "oh, maybe I can try to imagine stories I would like to read?"

(1) story one - a bird told me to wait

The first thing I considered was to make it completely self-indulging. The second was to make it as evocative as possible, not only telling what was happening. I like sensations and emotions, so I really wanted to write things I would like to feel as a reader. I wrote this story, and after that, I added a second longer part because I was enjoying it a lot. I used to doodle about the characters and make small annotations about their dynamics, but there wasn't really a lot of planning here.

(2) story two - beneath the moonlight

My second attempt was a three-chapter story (not so distant from the previous one that can be read as three parts too). But for this one, I wanted to challenge myself because I wanted to explore new themes and tropes, so I made a brief list of the things that should appear here. (but honestly, I just wanted to write a soft mating bite scene lmao, because I was super into a/b/o at that time.) I used keep notes app this time.

I barely showed explicit themes here but I got to enjoy the story anyway. This one wasn't difficult to write because I felt familiar with the characters. It's a light story but these 20k words gave me the courage to take a step further. I said to myself

"stop being a coward. you have enjoyed this. keep writing."

(3) story three - lucid dreams

This one was planned for four or five chapters, quite in the same line as beneath the moonlight. But, and the keyword is planned, it became a full 13 chapters as I developed the story and the characters. If I wanted it to be coherent then I needed to explain the things, build the context, and introduce the world. But it was also an experimental work. I took my notebook and listed the new things I wanted to try, such as - write in past tense - write first and edit later

my process was something like this • imagine random scenarios with pretty imagery as I listened to music • doodling the characters doing things so I didn't forget • open the notes app to write random sentences and dialogues in the middle of the night, I'll find a place for them later • dream about the story and daydream about the story

as for the physical notebook, I have scribbled A LOT there during the writing process.

(a little bit chaotic but functional enough)

One thing I wanted to keep in mind was the evolution of the characters, or in other words, how they were gonna be at the start and the end of the story. And this made things a lot simpler because it gave me an insight that was helpful whenever I had to decide what kind of decisions the characters would make along the story.

Parallelly, I was aware of my narrative flaws, as well as there was a lot of vocabulary and grammar that would escape me in a different language. So I used the notebook to do writing research. Some of my pages were like "how to write action scenes," or "tips for flat scenes." Whenever I felt blocked I read again these pages.

I'm going to copy down here some tips that were useful during the writing block days.

• read another book or fic you like, since sometimes, getting yourself caught by another writer's style can help you to flow through your own. • scroll on pinterest and try to find pictures that capture the vibe of your story, maybe try to describe them or setting a scene in a similar environment that you can see? • changing the setting (for example, day to night, or sun to rain) can add more variants and ambiental tools to play with. • or, changing the character's pov. maybe a scene feels flat because it's narrated by the wrong character. • use objects, not just the characters.

(4) finishing a story

To have an insight into the plot, I wrote the main scenes in really short sentences. That was useful for the first chapters, but suddenly I had 70K words of the story and a lot of details to track. Frequently I had to split chapters into two parts because the "short sentence" became a very long scene. See this comparison: the scenes' guide in the last chapters usually are fragmented into shorter scenes. That's how I avoided losing my mind as I wrote (?)

These are a few tips that were useful to me during this last part.

• write the important plot points as they are mentioned so you can come back to them later and don't forget about them. • keep a scrip to annotate significant things about the characters to make the story consistent. • notion pages is a great place to make inspo boards (usually I added 4 pictures for each scene). During the last chapter, I used the to-do list tool to keep track of the closed story points and the things that were yet to happen • list some of your favourite past scenes, those that have been nice to write, so you can pursue the same vibe again.

The last two months writing the fic I joined the nanowrimo to keep myself motivated but also to have an impulse. My only goal was getting the habit of writing everyday, not minding how many words (usually it was around 400-600 daily). I ended that month with 16k added on my wordcount (to me, that was a lot!). Since I enjoyed that little challenge, I did the same on the next month, resulting in finishing the fic :)

The most important thing during this time was remembering myself from time to time why I am doing this. Let me say I am an utter perfectionist, so I would easily get trapped in making-the-story-perfect, which would end in a writing block. So each time this happened I repeated to myself that I didn't want to write a good story. I just wanted to enjoy and have fun while writing a story, so I should write only things I enjoy. And this simple thing was incredibly helpful whenever I wasn't able to continue a scene.

I think that this is what most writers say, but now I have come to understand that it's true: just have fun. Write what you wanna read.

(5) the next story - requiem of the sleepless

This would be the third part of my first fic. I miss these unhinged boys and I have a little draft of (unholy) things I want to happen to them! Now I want to unlearn everything I know. I want this story to be zero planned, I just want to ~feel~ the characters and make a lot of random things happen. This is about not forgetting why I started, so here I am again.

Being a non-writer writing.

thank you for reading ♡ 

#writing #writing tips #non writer #writing fics tips #fanfiction writer #fic wip #my post #bsd #writer tips #writer experience #ao3 writer #god help me #it all started because I read a fic so good I became obsessed #and because of fyodor my forever babygirl

[duelistkingdom]

our changing minds

Summary: yusei's sorting through old things when he stumbles upon a helmet that has been buried for so long.

Rating: T

Ships: Yusei Fudo/Aki Izayoi if you squint

Author’s note: commission from @diabetic-best-bi. features gender stuff and trans woman kiryu. if you'd also like to commission me, please check out this post.

read on ao3 / support me on kofi / join my discord (18+)

When Yusei was in Team Satisfaction, building things was his main use. When Sector Security had gotten D-Wheels, the gang had agreed the best thing was for them to have their own so they couldn't be cornered by them. Yusei had agreed to reverse engineer the machine, putting it together with whatever he'd scraped together. The helmet was what he could salvage too. The cat ears on it hadn't bothered him, but the gang had disagreed heavily and insisted that it would make Sector Security take them less seriously. Yusei could not understand why anyone would not take them seriously simply because of the helmet he'd chosen, and continued to wear it.

It continued being a source of arguments until Crow decided to leave the gang upon Kiryu's starting to spiral. Yusei had been the only one to stick around, and even then the fighting continued. One day Kiryu was taken away after she'd taken it too far. Yusei had attempted to step in for her as leader, and he understood what the guys had been talking about when it came to being taken seriously. The gang shattered that day, and they scattered.

Later, Jack stole the bike that Yusei had made. Yusei no longer had a use for the helmet, and lost track of it in a box of things that were too painful to look at. He wound up recovering a different helmet, and moved on. He built a new bike, taking him all the way to Neo Domino as he chased down Jack and the missing Stardust Dragon. In Neo Domino, he found a new group of friends alongside the old ones, and it seemed like their lives were never going to be the same. They battled alongside each other, intending to save the world. They persisted, and won.

He was a different person than the starving boy trying desperately to survive all those years ago. It was why he was sorting through the things that he had back when Team Satisfaction was still together, deciding what to keep and what to throw out. And that's when Yusei found the old helmet that had been the source of arguments. He dusted it off, and the pointed tips were not nearly as bad as he remembered. It was subtle enough, and he couldn't remember what the argument against using it was anymore. So he took along with him, figuring it'd be nice to wear it again. Jack and Crow, however, had not shifted their opinions on it at all.

"Take that vile helmet off, Yusei," Jack said, louder than necessary. He was glaring at the helmet as if it might poison them. "Where did you even find that disgusting thing, anyway?"

"Don't tell me you've kept it this whole time," Crow complained, shaking his head. He merely looked disappointed rather than the pure incensed rage that Jack was wearing. "Seriously, why didn't you throw that thing out?"

Aki looked up from her homework, quietly observing the scene unfolding in front of her. She didn't understand why Crow and Jack were so upset. In fact, she kind of wished she had one herself. She snapped her textbook shut, figuring that once Crow and Jack started yelling she would be unable to focus on her studies. They could work out whatever issue they had with Yusei's new helmet (or old helmet, as it were) on their own. "Come on, Izayoi," Jack called to her venomously. "Surely you can settle this for us."

She shook her head, not wanting to get involved. "I have physics homework to deal with," she huffed, pulling her backpack over her shoulder. "If Yusei is unable to help, then there is no point in me being here. Have a nice day."

With that, she was gone, leaving the three brothers to squabble amongst themselves. "Izayoi never says a bad word about Yusei," Crow complained. "You shouldn't have bothered to ask her anything about it anyway. She's right. We're grown men, we can solve this amongst ourselves."

Yusei rolled his eyes as he straddled his bike. "You guys can argue about it," he said quietly. "I've got other things to deal with."

"Yusei, we're not done with -" Jack's yelling was cut off as Yusei revved his engine, and left their shared apartment. Where he was going to go, he wasn't sure yet. All he knew is that he wanted to be anywhere but here. He let his bike take the lead, ignoring the open stares of passersby as he got on the highway. It only clicked then that he was making his way to Crashtown. He hadn't seen Kiryu in a while, and he figured he might as well reminisce on old times with her.

The signs on the highway passed him by, with the breeze familiar and blowing all around him. It was a nice feeling. A reminder of everything that he'd fought for was now standing tall and proud. He could point towards the bridges, the new buildings, the clean roads as something that was the fruit of his labor. Everything he could've ever wanted when he was in Satellite had come to fruition - now what? What did it mean when he had no next goal beyond the hunger to prove himself in the WRGP? He didn't know the answer.

When he came to a stop in Crashtown, he'd already forgotten about the helmet he'd dug up and didn't understand why Kiryu was looking at him with a level of shock and near outrage. "I thought you'd thrown that ugly helmet away," she said instantly, pointing to the helmet. "Who let you have that god forsaken thing back?"

Right - the helmet. The thing that had been one of their major sources of arguments back when they'd been a couple. All that was neatly tucked away in the past now that Kiryu had grown comfortable with who she was - and that didn't involve Yusei in the picture anymore. She'd long since let go of some of the more toxic ideals she'd held, but it seems that the helmet would always be a source of contention. "I had it in a box," he replied, shrugging. "I kept most of the things from those days."

She sighed, and shook her head. "I can't believe you'd bring the source of one of our arguments here," she said, all the anger that seemed to bubble up fading away. "I've been trying this new thing where I don't hold grudges. Do you always have to make it so hard?"

Yusei cracked a grin at this. "I don't intend to," he joked, pulling the helmet off and setting it aside. "Jack and Crow still hate it. I think they're planning on throwing it away themselves."

"Would you be upset if I said I supported them?" As much as there was a gentle joke in the words, the sharp glint in her eyes suggested it was anything but one. Kiryu motioned towards her house. "Come on, let's talk about what else you want to dig up from the past, you annoying asshole."

Hours later, Yusei was on his way back after Kiryu threatened to throw it out herself if he came back around with it again. He didn't doubt her, either. She could be really stubborn sometimes. The main reason Yusei wound up leaving Crashtown was because Aki had called in near tears over her physics homework. When she got to those levels of stress, Yusei knew that he should step in. So the helmet went back on, and he made his way to the senator's house. The door swung up, and her visible stress seemed to melt away just a tiny bit. There was a glint in her dark hazel eyes - a surefire sign that she was up to something. "The guys really seem to hate that new helmet of yours but I like it," she said, opening the door to invite him in. "Are you gonna make me one to match, or are you gonna hoard the design?"

He couldn't help but smile at this. "You know I'm always happy to make you anything you'd like, Aki."

He stepped inside her home, and she led him towards the dining room. They weren't allowed upstairs by Hideo's rules, but he was always allowed over. "So why do the guys hate that helmet so much, anyway?"

"Ah," he said as he examined the homework she had spread out on the dining room table. So this was where she did her homework when she wasn't doing it over at his place. "I've had it since my days in Team Satisfaction. They thought that it made people take us less seriously."

"I can see their argument," she mused, her head tilting. She hadn't bothered to even reach towards any of the homework. "Most people tend to take how one presents seriously. I don't get it, but it seems to be a thing. Especially when men decide to wear something more associated with femininity."

Yusei considered this. It wasn't something that he'd really thought about before. He was comfortable in how he presented his gender, and he didn't think too deeply about the concept of gendered clothing. Last time it was an issue, he'd agreed to let Luka paint his nails with a glitter polish. But that time, neither Jack nor Crow had cared about it. Lua had been more upset about it, claiming that he was told boys don't wear nail polish. It'd taken help from his brothers to assure Lua that it was okay to be a boy who wears nail polish. "Does this mean that the problem is one they've made up in their heads?"

Aki shrugged. "I don't know if it's entirely made up in their heads but I think you're better off asking them about what their deal is. Maybe you'll be able to work it out. But yeah, if you make me one, I don't care what you wear."

Yusei arrived back at the garage hours later after dinner at the Izayois. Bruno was waiting, and a large, welcoming smile appeared as Yusei drove in. "The other guys said you'd gotten a lame helmet, but it looks nice," Bruno said, and then held up a box of parts. "I got what we needed to finish the engine!"

"I have another project I need to work on," Yusei said as he parked his bike, kicking the kickstand into place. "I also need to talk to Crow and Jack."

"What's the project?"

"I'll need a helmet, a blowtorch, two pieces of metal, and some lights," Yusei said, not bothering to answer the question. "Can you gather that while I go talk to Jack and Crow?"

Bruno nodded, dropping the box off and heading off to gather the materials he would need. Meanwhile, Yusei went off to the kitchen to confront Jack and Crow about their issues with the helmet. Crow, for his part, at least looked sheepish about the previous argument. Jack, however, still looked relatively annoyed. "Are you seriously keeping that thing, Yusei?"

"Remember when Lua got upset about us painting our nails," Yusei asked, ignoring Jack's immediate outburst. "He said that boys shouldn't wear nail polish. But both of you agreed that it was a stupid rule, and that we should be able to do what we want with our nails."

Crow nodded. "I'd thought about that too," he admitted, sighing. "As much as I have bad memories of that helmet... It is your head. And well, it's not the worst thing I've ever seen."

Jack only slightly softened by contrast, shaking his head. He had a history of being stubborn, but Yusei couldn't imagine that Jack wouldn't see the logic. So he humphed, and rolled his eyes. "Fine," Jack said, grumpy about it. "If you insist on that awful thing, I can't exactly stop you."

It was as close a compromise that Yusei could hope for. He didn't have time, anyway. He needed to make a gift for Aki.

#myfanfic #commission

[lemon-inferno]

Encyclopedia of Useless Facts on Unbelievable Human Beings episode 1 ✔️

I watched it late last night and I was too tired to write about it immediately. It was about 1 hour and 43 minutes long, there's a lot to unpack there, if you wish to go into details (which I won't). I just want to talk about the impressions it left on me and how I feel about it.

It's a show for nerds (so perfect for me). When I first heard the topic of the episode I thoguht it was a little silly, not at all what I was expecting to see in this show. Their conversations however took me by surprise, because I was enjoying it a lot more than I thought I would. I never knew that watching six people talk could be so entertaining that it didn't lose my interest even once for the entire lenght of the episode. Granted, they're all incredibly intelligent individuals and have achieved a lot in their respective fields.

Now onto brief info about the show:

⚠️ Spoiler alert. ⚠️

This is a show where six people all from different fields are gathered, given a topic which they then discuss, and all you have to do it sit and watch. How fascinating. The people in question are a musician (RM), a film director (Jang Hang Joon), a novelist (Kim Young Ha), a physicist (Kim Sang Wook), a forensic scientist (Lee Ho) and an astronomer (Shim Chae Kyung).

The first episodes's topic was "The person you want to hire as a main character, if you make a movie out of the subject (the character)." The people discussed were MiMi Aung, a NASA scientists, present by the astronomer Shim Chae Kyung. Hong Gil Dong, a historical figure that was ficitonalized by many movies and tv series, presented by the novelist Kim Young Ha. Last but not least, Charles Darwin presented by the physicist Kim Sang Wook.

On a first glance, it might not seem like something incredibly interesting. In fact, it may seem boring. It's anything but, to me. First of all, they discuss three wildily different individuals. It's incredible to see how one conversation turns around to the other, the way they personally view things. It's interesting to see the choice they all made to present these figures. It's a thought-provoking and educational show that I really enjoyed and hope I will continue to enjoy.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

To some degree, I'm angry at myself I didn't know about this show before (as in its previous seasons and variants), because I've always been interested in shows like this one. It's one of the biggest reasons why I've been studying Korean really hard. These kind of shows don't often get translated. (Yes, unless the show in on netflix, I'm a pirate watcher.) If they do, there's episodes missing or entire seasons. I can't blame people for not translating them, because it's 1) a lot of work and 2) they already do other translations out of the goodness of their heart for no profit and that alone is something we should be incredibly grateful for. I've seen so many not popular shows that seem so interesting to me, but they're not translated. I watch a couple without subtitles, but I'm far from fluent. Without subtitles I get lost, I repeat a few seconds scene a few times, because I can't grasp it. It makes their already long episodes even longer for me. Sometimes it takes me 3 to 4 days to get through a not translated episode. Okay, I want off here. I'm sorry. Let's continue with the other show.

So yes, I loved this. I can't believe they spent more than 11 hours just talking about things, but at the same time I can. For a hungry mind, there's probably nothing better to do. I wish I could take part in the conversations. I was sitting in my room, watching and I kept talking at my screen. People who know me, know that I have a lot of interests in many things. To me, to have such an experience, to just be able to sit in a room with incredible people and talk, honestly it's like a wet dream.

I'm curious though, are all episodes going to be this long or was this one nearly 2 hours because it's the first one? I don't mind if they do stay long, I'm just curious.

Also I cannot wait for the topic of next episode! I'm not into romance or a romantic person, but when it's these people talking I'm so interested in what they have to say and how they feel about it. It's truly fascinating.

Note: I did listen to '"Indigo" and I was going to write about it, but after finishing the entire album I realized there's no need to. I was never one to analyze music like this anyways. Plus it's Namjoon's music exhibition and he's doing a great job explaining it himself. I just wanted to mention that, unsurprisingly, my favorite songs are Closer, Wild Flower and Forg_tful.

#encyclopedia of useless facts on unbelievable human beings #rm #namjoon #rm bts #namjoon bts #kim namjoon #jang hang joon #kim young ha #kim sang wook #lee ho #shim chae kyung #kshow #k show #k talk show #talk show #encycolopedia of useless facts on remon

[midnightmah07]

Mademoiselle Beau (A/n: MY HEAD IS FULL WITH THEMMM. :,(((( Also, this is like a second part to that first Anneliese scenario with Daisy- )

Daisy breathed a sigh of relief. Thinking of her conversation with Anneliese, the pieces of the puzzle seemed to fit together with less worry. Anneliese, though inherently kind-hearted, often resorted to sharp words as a manner to cope against circumstances beyond her control, as result her jealously over Daisy's appearance and lovable personality.

Daisy found herself able to appreciate Anneliese for her honesty, even if it sometimes took longer than anticipated for her true feelings to surface. At least now, she found herself grasping a clearer understanding Rook's crush on the girl. And talking about the devil...

"Mademoiselle Trickster!" Rook waved happily as he hoped for Daisy join his conversation with Damali; who smiled to know who was around. "A petit birdie told me, you sorted things with ma chérie, Annelise, is that right?"

Well, it's no surprise he caught wind of things so quickly. His hearing is sharp, and rumors have a way of spreading fast like the wings of a bird.

"Huh? You finally talked with Anneliese, how things went?" Damali tilts her head to the side.

"Actually," Daisy began, her voice gentle yet filled with warmth, "she was the one to come up to me." Her words were accompanied by a soft smile that seemed to light up the room, her gaze inadvertently bypassing the small surprised expression on Damali's face. "Everything went smoothly, I am just glad she felt comfortable enough to talk to me."

Daisy maintained her sweet smile, unaware of the subtle shift in the Scarabia's student; Damali showed a proud demeanor toward her friend overcoming that small fear to talk with Daisy.

"Rook, I have a question." Said Daisy.

It was only after a moment that she realized there was the reason why she had been drawn to that conversation in the first place.

"Hm?" Rook faces goes to a surprise sight, confused situation. "Well, colour me intrigued. Shoot your question, mademoiselle." kjbv

"Although, I do understand why you are friends with Anneliese, " Daisy started. "I don't understand how come you be so persistent over her? I mean, she showed zero interest, from what you said."

Damali hums in agreement, "Actually she is right, I remember that in second year you would follow her every where! All the time I heard her voice it was accompanied by yours, similar of what you do with Vil," Says Damali with a hum. "According to the old Scarabia's housewander, people used to believe you changed dorms because of her."

Rook chuckled, acknowledging that everyone views situations differently. Could he truly blame the rumors for circulating?

"From where moi should start?" A genuine smile slowly spreads across Rook's face. Rook stays quiet for awhile. "Hm, droite." Rook crosses his arms.

"Anneliese... she's captured my heart in a way, I never thought possible," Rook says as he smiles gently. "At first I would believe she has me wrapped around her finger only for her beauty. Oh, how foolish." Rook puts a hand on his chest with a dreamy sigh. "Her kindness, her strength, even. Her very essence fills me with an indescribable joy. Every moment spent with her is like a treasure, and I find myself falling deeper in amour with her with each passing day."

Damali and Daisy both wore shocked expressions upon hearing Rook's confession about his crush.

"She's hard to approach, but, I have not and will not give up." He proudly said. "I love Anneliese, for three years. After all."

The trio heard a faint noise behind them, but when they turned around, there was nothing to be found.

The hunter, in fact, noticed. He was acutely aware that the woman who held his heart in her tender hands was listening in on the conversation. After years of serenades, love letters, and gifts, Anneliese knew she should anticipate Rook speaking of her in such a manner. Yet, hearing him express it to others, her heart raced, her cheeks flushed with a rosy hue, her eyes widened with shock.

Anneliese found herself denying, even in the solitude of her own thoughts; the effect Rook's words had on her... Yet, she stubbornly refused to acknowledge the melting sensation they ignited within her. It was this very resistance that spurred Rook on, for he understood, he knew her well enough to recognize it as Anneliese's defense mechanism. She struggled to comprehend why he persisted, puzzled by his affection for her. Deep down, she sensed that her resistance was born from a fear of the intensity of her own emotions. She feared that if she were to surrender to love, the ensuing descent would be far more painful than she dared to imagine.

Anneliese turned away, hastily making her way to her next class. She couldn't bear to hear another word without either blushing furiously or feeling like she might pass out.

Regardless, Rook continuing to talk about how everything began, recounting his perspective on how things had unfolded since he first met her. He emphasized that it wasn't simply an overnight situation.

After a while, Daisy excused herself, leaving Mademoiselle Scarabée and Le Chasseur d'Amour alone to attend her class.

Damali waved to the short gal with a warm smile, her friend mirroring the gesture with a smile of her own. After a quiet time, Damali says.

"You know Anneliese heard it," She turns to him. "Right?"

"Well, of course, mon ami. A hunter's hearing is very keen." He winked with a chuckle.

I literally just woke up from a nap what the heckkkk this is so cute and sweet😭

Rook knowing she was listening but using it to his advantage to make Anneliese understand he loves her9$83+3(8_+_;

ALSO Damali and Daisy in the same fic⁉️ WHATTT <- I'm literally their creator

I love this sm help😭😭

#💙! mah's answers #💙! barbs<3 #💙! Barbs's writting!

[ellowynbeimler]

Mar 8

Dear Dad,

We saw the Seers. Well, I saw the Seers. I mean, Riley, Will, and I got to see them.

We didn't notice before, but they had people on the door to keep large groups out. Volunteers maybe? I don't know if they're being paid to do it. Or maybe to keep people from being rowdy? Like if they got a bad vision?

They would only see one person at a time, so we took turns. 

The Seers wouldn't see Reese, Zunair, or Grace and didn't give any explanation. 

Willow went in first. Riley was going to go in first, but people thought she looked too eager, so Will went in first. 

It took a lot longer than I thought it would, and then she came out. Willow was so excited cause they saw that she wanted to go home and that they'd help us with the rest of it. 

Riley went in next cause she still didn't have any patience. It also took a long time, and she said that the second one said the gate was at the base of a cliff.

She and Willow were talking when I went in.

It was a weird, dark room with a lot of cloth everywhere. It actually did a really good job of soundproofing the whole place. Once the curtains closed behind me, I couldn't hear Riley or Willow or the sounds of the people outside at all. It was all so strangely silent. 

There were these three ladies, I mean, I think they were ladies, they all sounded like women, kneeling on pillows on a little wooden stage-looking thing. 

The first and second women said something about seeing into the heart, into the mind, and into the future, some stuff about how they cannot say much about the details for fear of driving it off or preventing it. Then the third, who'd been quiet the whole time, spoke up. She said that ultimately, we'll succeed, but it will take more time than we want. 

So we’ll get home one day!

Hopefully. I don't know if what was in my heart is actually what the group wants, but I feel pretty strongly that I want to go home, so we'll see, I guess.

When we left, I don't know if we felt much better about our chances. I mean, it was nice to be told that we'll "Achieve our heart's desire," but not so great to hear that it's apparently going to be much longer than we want. So, who knows how long that's actually going to be. 

Grace, Reese, and Zunair had a lot of questions and were worried, though, since they weren't allowed to talk to the Seers. 

Grace was miffed. She was passed over, but she thinks she should have just been allowed in, even if they weren't going to "look at her heart" or whatever. Which makes sense. I mean, I got to go in, and even if I wasn't actually getting talked to, I would also want to know what it was like. What the Seers were like. She's not too mad about it. I mean, she didn't do anything extreme. 

Maybe her temper was tempered (Ha!) by the knowledge that we'll get home eventually?

Reese is just glad to hear we’ll get home. He's practically over the moon about it. Talking about how he can't wait, there's all kinds of stuff he's sure he's missed out on, how he'll at least have some good stories to tell when he gets home. He's been talking a little more about his siblings, but there's been some stuff going on, so he hasn't been saying names or such.

Cultists, you know. 

Zunair is wondering if that means he’s going to be stuck here. I doubt he's the only one thinking about that cause they didn't answer each of the questions for each of us. 

We're kinda assuming that cause MY heart's desire will be fulfilled, that means that all of us are getting home. And we're all kind of assuming that cause they knew Willow wanted to go home and that Riley was told about a gate at the bottom of a cliff, we'd all get home that way. 

But what if my heart's desire is actually different? What if Riley's was? What if we never find our way out because we're looking for the right thing in the wrong place cause we don't really know what we're looking for? 

Just cause the gate in the cliff is A path doesn't mean it's the right path. They just said that was how to do it, not even the best way. And maybe it's not even the right way for us, maybe it's just a way, and even though we'll succeed, we'll, I don't know, pull a looney tunes or something. 

I shouldn't be thinking like this. I'm just worrying about myself. I'm sure it'll be fine. We'll get home. WE WILL.

I know we will.

We’re going to move on in the morning, even if we don't know where exactly it is we're going. Maybe we can find that guy who knew about the different portals and see if he knows a way home that's through a gate in a cliff. 

Or maybe the group in the city will know. The Seers said they didn't want to give us too much information just in case, which makes sense, but that doesn't mean we can't research on our own and find something ourselves. 

Also, I think we should keep our options open. 

If there are multiple ways for us to get home, then it won't do any harm for us to try a couple of ways. And then, if we get home another way, we'll know there was another path for us the whole time. After all, we knew we'd succeed, right? 

But if we get home like they said, we just know they were right. So it's all good and great, and we'll get home either way.

Another thing to talk about that I don't really want to, but it is probably good to talk about with you (even though you probably aren't going to read this anytime soon (if at all)) is that all of us are feeling paranoid. And not just a little bit, but like, a lotta bit. 

But there really are people out to get us, so it makes sense that we'd feel paranoid. And it makes sense that we'll feel paranoid since we don't know where the threat is coming from. 

Even though I can reason it and think hard about why I'm feeling the way I do, it doesn't make it disappear. It doesn't make that watched feeling go away. 

It doesn't make the fact that any time I turn a corner, I pause for half a second, go away. 

It just means that I'm actually not crazy for feeling this way. Which does help. I mean, when you're already feeling kind of crazy, being told you're crazy doesn't help things. So, at the very least, I'm, in fact, not crazy for feeling this way. But that doesn't make the feeling of being watched go away, and it doesn't help that I still feel very alone here.

It doesn't help at all, really.

There's nothing that can be done about it.

And I hate it.

I hate this watched feeling, and I hate knowing that it's not just in my head, and I hate that I'm not the only one.

I hate them.

I hate that even though I have my friends, sometimes there's a wall, and I hate that even though I want to help, there's nothing I can do.

I hate the uncertainty of it all, and I hate that at any point, any point at all, they might show up again and ruin it all.

I hate that I don't know when we'll get home, even if we think we might be able to.

I hate the uncertainty of not being sure about anything, from the people I'm with to the places I'm in to the intentions of literally everyone.

I hate knowing that magic is real and that I can do it and not being able to help in most situations.

I hate it all.

There's no good in any of this. 

Well, it's good that we're all still alive and together.

But who knows how long that'll last.

Like Zunair said, they didn't let Reese, Grace, or him in. Was it cause they knew that they wouldn't make it home?

Was it cause they knew they'd fail somehow?

Was it just chance?

I don't know.

Just another thing I hate. 

I'll write to you soon, 

Jack

Read the rest of the series here: 

Or read more by this author here: 

#Dear Dad #DearDad #dear dad #Dear Dad Series #my writing #writing #writer #female writer #series #webseries #patreon exclusive #Grace Sheridan #Jack Boyer #Letter Format #letter series #serial #webserial #Reese Williams #Riley Ryan #Willow May #Zunair Seth #sporadic updates #sporadic #updated Sporadically #sporadic Episodes #episodes updated sporadically #salutations father #greetings parental unit #ongoing project #writing more

[laejoh]

Car allergic to vanilla ice cream

(from http://www.cs.cmu.edu/~wkw/humour/carproblems.txt)

For those of us who understand that the obvious is not always the solution, and that the facts, no matter how implausible, are still the facts ...

A complaint was received by the Pontiac Division of General Motors:

"This is the second time I have written you, and I don't blame you for not answering me, because I kind of sounded crazy, but it is a fact that we have a tradition in our family of ice cream for dessert after dinner each night. But the kind of ice cream varies so, every night, after we've eaten, the whole family votes on which kind of ice cream we should have and I drive down to the store to get it. It's also a fact that I recently purchased a new Pontiac and since then my trips to the store have created a problem. You see, every time I buy vanilla ice cream, when I start back from the store my car won't start. If I get any other kind of ice cream, the car starts just fine. I want you to know I'm serious about this question, no matter how silly it sounds: 'What is there about a Pontiac that makes it not start when I get vanilla ice cream, and easy to start whenever I get any other kind?'"

The Pontiac President was understandably skeptical about the letter, but sent an engineer to check it out anyway. The latter was surprised to be greeted by a successful, obviously well-educated man in a fine neighborhood. He had arranged to meet the man just after dinner time, so the two hopped into the car and drove to the ice cream store. It was vanilla ice cream that night and, sure enough, after they came back to the car, it wouldn't start.

The engineer returned for three more nights. The first night, the man got chocolate. The car started. The second night, he got strawberry. The car started. The third night he ordered vanilla. The car failed to start.

Now the engineer, being a logical man, refused to believe that this man's car was allergic to vanilla ice cream. He arranged, therefore, to continue his visits for as long as it took to solve the problem. And toward this end he began to take notes: he jotted down all sorts of data, time of day, type of gas used, time to drive back and forth, etc.

In a short time, he had a clue: the man took less time to buy vanilla than any other flavor. Why? The answer was in the layout of the store.

Vanilla, being the most popular flavor, was in a separate case at the front of the store for quick pickup. All the other flavors were kept in the back of the store at a different counter where it took considerably longer to find the flavor and get checked out.

Now the question for the engineer was why the car wouldn't start when it took less time. Once time became the problem -- not the vanilla ice cream -- the engineer quickly came up with the answer: vapor lock. It was happening every night, but the extra time taken to get the other flavors allowed the engine to cool down sufficiently to start. When the man got vanilla, the engine was still too hot for the vapor lock to dissipate.

Moral of the story: even insane-looking problems are sometimes real.

#car #vanilla ice cream #insane-looking problems are sometimes real #allergic

[coolnightmarerunaway]

June 7, 2023

January 1 to February 22 =52 days? Okay, 50. He was being a baby and got Daryl to get me to go over to talk to him.

April 24 - 37+7=44

Day #44

Last two days mind wonders on him. I'm not sure why. So now I look up how long it takes to no longer care. 30-60-90 days

This is a different situation seeing how we are in the same social circle. He sent three people to talk to me. He has tried to talk three times. He once invaded my space to pet a guy's dog.

I have run into him for about 9 days in a row. He tried to speak with me on the first day.

He apparently told others he made a mistake but hasn't said anything of the kind to me.

One guy he sent to me started inquiring. I told him Ray and I have been having conflict for a long time. In my opinion, it needs to end.

Before Ray tried to kill me with my head injury, he was trying to start arguments. He would send female bashing videos. I asked why he continuously sent derogatory material. He didn't get the argument he was looking for.

He and I have been in so many spats, I would literally have to look at our conversation to know what he was doing and when.

I came across something that said to "get over" relationship you have to allow a week for every month 🤨 I'm not sure how to calculate this, as we have had numerous separations due to him trying to argue with me on a monthly basis. I'm not even sure when we started hanging around. I think it was 2021 sometime in the summer 🤔 came across something else that said 11 weeks. Ray pulled his stunt on April 24th. A few days later, after somebody made contact with me on his behalf, I sent a message to show my appreciation 😃 Obviously I didn't get a response.

So June (?) 2021 to April 2023. 22 months = 22 weeks? Seems excessive. If I subtract January 1st to February 22nd (20.5 months) we didn't speak for the month of June (19.5 months) Argument in the month of July, another argument in August, and I'm not quite sure where it went from there 😆

Even after 52 days of separation, we ended up right back at square one. In fact I can't remember if it was the end of February or sometime in March he weaseld his way into my house. That was this year.. by April 11 2023 I addressed his degrading material. April 24th with my head injury, he saw an opportunity to inflict chaos, and he took it. He couldn't get an argument out of me, so he went to different route.

I guess I'm looking at something like 20 months. We are on week 7 of 20🤨🤔 No freaking way.

Every time he and I start communicating, it gets harder and harder to speak with him. We keep going back 🤨

The man definitely has narcissistic qualities. He is reminiscent of my ex-boyfriend. He never does anything wrong. Even if you catch the man red-handed, it wasn't him. He is toxic as fuck and he tells people lies about me.

I was just searching the conversation, it seems in October 2022 I told him I missed a party because I wasn't an ignorant cunt. He attends parties of people he criticizes. He seemingly likes to look down on the people he hangs out with.

I don't understand how he and I continue to mingle again. It's absolutely not logical. There should be a kill switch for feelings in such situations.

We started communicating primarily because of covid and covid restrictions. He was completely against the vaccines. Oddly enough when the vaccine passports came out this man was still getting into bars and restaurants. I asked him how he was doing that without a covid passport. I never did get an answer. He also happened to mention that his brother was lying about his vaccinated status. Several bikers were lying about their vaccine status. Because "not getting vaccinated was cooler" than telling everybody you got vaccinated. Imagine claiming to be anti-authority, while getting down on your knees 😆

A while back he was sending me QAnon videos. That used to tick me off. I kept telling him Qanon is not reliable. Only recently did I discover he really believes these QAnon theories. I knew he was running with the nanobots, only one person ever said they spotted nanobots in the vaccine. I pointed out on multiple occasions if it were true other people would have found them by now. Much like the blood clots. Tons of people have reported massive blood clots in the Dead. While having a disease where "no symptom is a symptom" is a massive joke. This man believed covid was not real. If it is real or not, I don't have a dog in that fight. Although I do consider it strange

June of last year while I was dealing with family situation, brother had a heart attack and such. This man thought it was highly appropriate to engage in sexual conversation with two whores that walked across the parking lot and jumped in his rig like they were his best friend.

First year I met him, he complained I didn't take pictures of people. This man constantly wanted to pose for pictures. Less than a year later he is complaining he might be in one of my picture but yet he poses for pictures all over the place, all the time.

He once dragged me to his favorite hangout location. He hopped out of the rig interrupting conversation between two people, stuck his head in the truck like an ignorant fuck disrupting the conversation between the other people. This left me to converse with the other fellow. Ray for 2 or 3 times he continuously brought up the situation incorrectly. I corrected him every single time. Gaslighting fucker.

I addressed the fact that he was attempting to gaslight me in October 2022.

So very many disputes with this man.

June 7, 2023

#Narcissist #Gaslighting #Covid #Qanon #Relationship #Abuse #emotional abuse #Mental abuse

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 24

"In My Time of Dying"

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: We pick up right where we left off. And if a demon who just t-boned my car with their semi tried to kill me, I guess I'll just die.

There's been a recap up top for the past three episodes. I get that now it's because there were months between the last one and when this one originally aired, but I WATCHED IT YESTERDAY DAMMIT

I can't believe Dean has nearly died, been declared legally dead (but it was the shapeshifter from "Skin"), and now he's actually dead...and all three occurrences took place in season ONE. I know the Winchesters dying is basically a running joke for season finales, but holy fucking bingle.

Oh Sam...you CAN hear him.

Sam is to John what so many of my mutuals are to Endeavor. Your son is dying and this is how you react to that?

Honestly, Dean getting to see the behind the scenes of every conversation around him is potentially good for him. He might need this.

Poor Baby. I'm having emotions about Sam needing to save this car for Dean to fix once Dean is fixed(/healed). He's really goin through it. First stage is denial. "If there's only one working part, that's enough. We're not just going to give up." Kiddo, you're not talking about the car anymore...

Dean, you're DYING. You don't have to hunt spooky shit right now. Oh god. Is someone else going to die every time he saves his own life? Oh. Oh no...

I don't believe John saying he won't hunt the demon til Dean's okay. Not one bit.

What's in the bag, Sam? Omg a ouija board?

Can't kill death? I bet that doesn't wholly remain true for the rest of the series.

I KNEW NOT TO TRUST JOHN. Fucking hell, John. The fuck do you think you're doing?

I THOUGHT I remembered that Tessa was a reaper. I should have written that down before Dean figured it out.

Oh. I'm...trying to remember how this plays out (it's not GOOD) with John's deal with the yellow eyed demon.

Are they gonna go through all five stages in one episode? Between Sam's denial, the explosive fight between Sam and John, now Dean and John are both bargaining in different ways...Now John's doing the depression phase but masking it as acceptance in front of Sam.

"Been On My Mind": Are you joking?! They were too busy dying or making deals with demons...

"The Parting of the Ways"

Oh, Christopher, I'll miss you. You were truly a fantastic Doctor.

Is...this the first time we get the opening that's more in tune with David's time?

There's a Dalek in the TARDIS? I can't believe they let that happen.

"The Oncoming Storm" is a very cool nickname

This current batch of Daleks being half human and hating their own existence because they're not full Dalek is such an interesting concept. Do they actually do anything with it? I fucking hope so.

I wish these seasons were longer...oh. Oh, I forgot that he tries to send Rose away to safety. Sorry. I got distracted by feels. Anyway, I wish they could get fleshed out just a LITTLE more. It's not a surprise that Rose wouldn't even dare suggest just leaving in the TARDIS and letting history take its course, but I would have rather undeniably felt in my bones "there's no way she'd ever suggest that or let you do that" BEFORE she said it.

It's kind of funny that yesterday, the Impala was all but demolished and all the Winchesters were dying or at least injured, and today the Doctor is telling Rose to let the TARDIS die, become a box that will collect dust, that no one notices. All the while each of these shows have at least 14 more seasons. Still. I'm tearing up at "Have a fantastic life"

The self-proclaimed god of the Daleks taunting the Doctor who is contemplating DESTROYING THE EARTH in order to ALSO destroy all the Daleks is very good. I love an ACTUALLY GOOD "how are you better than me?" from a villain. Because holy shit the Doctor really just said that the (let me unpause so I get his full statement) human colonies will still exist. Humanity will continue in some shape or form...but it's a hard decision to resist becoming what you hate in order to destroy what you hate.

This is an excellent example as to why you'd never actually want to be the Companion. The Doctor's 200k years in the future and dying, and Rose is expected to just carry on as normal. I know Jackie and Mickey don't have any real love for the Doctor, but they can't even show Rose any sympathy during this time?? Come on now.

OOFA DOOFA, Rose telling Mickey there's nothing left for her on Earth in the present is quite a blow, especially considering that he told her two episodes ago that if she expected him to just sit and wait for her, he would.

(I'm so sorry Lynda for completely excising you from the narrative. You didn't deserve that.)

Again. Jack's death is undercut by knowing his future identity.

"Wat are you? Coward or killer?" "Coward. Any day." My heart.

This is such a weird observation, but I'm glad that when Rose cries in this, her makeup doesn't remain perfect. It's not meant to look like she's not even wearing more than eye makeup and lipgloss. Her foundation is being affected, and you just don't see that often.

Ohhhhhhh the Doctor coping with humor as to no worry Rose until he absolutely cannot hide it (though he's also doing a shit job at hiding it now...). Okay I'm crying "You were fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. And you know what? So was I," just GETS TO ME.

HI, DAVID!! "New teeth. That's weird."

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023 #i teared up quite a bit tonight

[slaughterchichi]

Letter Ask Game:

B, N, T, W

Hey, thank you! Sorry this took a while to answer.

B - A pairing you initially didn’t consider but someone changed your mind

If this has ever happened, I don’t recall it. On rarer ships usually I’m the one going “look at this” and trying to make people see my side.

Anyway, because this is a boring answer I will give you different but similar lore. When I first decided to watch One Piece, my friends insisted I was going to love Sanji and ZoSan. I’m a fickle bitch so I wanted to prove them wrong and really, really tried not to fall into ZS hell. Obviously, that did not work out lmao

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice)

This one’s hard. There are things I don’t want more than things I want extra, if that makes sense? But I guess I want… more people to ship things that I like. If more people were into Kiryu/Akiyama I would be incredibly happy. When I posted my fic for them, it was the 8th work on AO3 and now they have 37! So that’s nice.

Overall I want more kink content in every fandom I’m in, and… well. I wish people would be more vocal about liking things in general.

For example: I’ve been told multiple times that people have really liked some things I thought had flopped (lesbian ZS, all that glisters) and it’s kind of depressing. I was shown some screenshots from a server and I was like “...okay” because none of that enjoyment or excitement actually got back to me. If the people who like it never tell me how am I meant to know? I just view the initial kudos and the comments, and when there’s not many of them it tells me that no one wants more of that.

Please, for the love of everything that is holy, tell creators directly when you like their works!!

T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

Yes. I’m very much a “no reverse” kind of person when it comes to pairings. Feelings can go whichever way you want but when it comes to the nitty-gritty of sexy time I have a set way I like things to go. This is why I don’t really write opposite things. When it comes to who’s initiating or Dom/sub dynamics I’m way more flexible though.

Because I’ve been in fandom for a veeeeryyyyy long time I have had so many headcanons over the years that have been disproven or things have changed to make them less fun so I dunno on that one. The longer you look at things the more open your mind becomes to other possibilities too, so some stuff I was hard-and-fast about (ZS being virgins) has definitely evolved. Sometimes all you need is a good trustworthy friend with an intriguing argument haha.

W - 5 favorite ships and 5 kinks you like best for said ships

I tend to gravitate towards characters with similar traits so it’s kinda hard to separate kinks and ships from one another like this. Mainly though, if you look, most of my ships have one (or two) smokers in them, often a big burly guy and a slimmer guy and the slimmer one usually fights with their legs, so… hahaha. One day I should make a venn diagram and then you’ll see what I mean.

There’s also a difference between kinks too, because…well. I tend to view “kinks” as BDSM things whereas people will call pretty much anything a kink these days. So there’s like BDSM kink, physical trait kinks and then the sort-of fantasy ones (transformation, vore, etc)? I’m not big on the fantasy kind. I like stuff that is possible in reality the most.

The other thing about this is: some ships are not made for kink content. I know this may have people side-eyeing me given my history but I do actually take into consideration the characters, their dynamics etc before I try to throw kinky stuff on them. Would they be into it? Is there a way I can validate this kink on this character? There’s kinks I really like that simply don’t fit with the pairings I have, so I don’t write them. Perhaps one day I will be able to write those kinks, but not right now.

This was a lot of paragraphs not to actually answer the question but hopefully you have an idea.

Fandom meme: Come at me friend | Send an Ask!

#ask game #fandom meme come at me friend

[maizeyamess]

This is the vacuum we bought as newlyweds in 2008 for $50. I took a picture of it to jokingly use as an announcement for my divorce with some comment about how this tiny vacuum lasted longer than my marriage. I never did though. Recently this vacuum had one of the wheels break off. It's still kind of usable but it's probably time to retire it. I found the timing of this somewhat poetic because it's also been very recently that I personally have felt less broken. 

I have never been a fan of myself. I've struggled with low self esteem for as long as I can remember. My confidence fluctuated depending on who I was around. Looking back, I got married at the lowest I had felt about myself up to that point. I stayed in an unhealthy relationship that seemed to validate every thought I had of not being enough. After I had my daughter I started medication for post-partum depression  and then I never stopped it. I started therapy to help with my depression but at some point it turned into trying to learn how to be happy in a marriage that I wouldn't leave.

Then I started nursing school and all of my insecurities amplified with the stress. My social anxiety that I hadn't realized that I had, went through the roof. I couldn't connect with people which felt foreign because it used to come so easy for me. I felt awkward and uncomfortable and like I didn't belong. I was good at the school part of nursing but my personality no longer fit the job description. While in nursing school my then husband told me he wanted a divorce. If he wanted to leave after all I did for him and our family then I truly wasn't worth anything. My anxiety and depression got worse.  I was in survival mode. 

I got through school and started my first nursing job. I was so excited. I was going to be doing something new that challenged me. I was going to be in an environment where no body knew my drama and I could be whoever I wanted to be. Turns out, I was still in survival mode. I was still dealing with an unfinalized divorce and custody crap. I tried really hard to be the nurse that I wanted to be and it just wasn't working for me. I still had a hard time connecting with people, especially my coworkers and parents of my patients. I learned how to do what I needed to do, and nothing more.

As I started to come out of survival mode brain fog. I realized how much I had missed out on. It felt like I forgot everything from school. I felt like there was so much that I didn't know that I should know at work. I constantly felt inadequate and embarrassed in multiple areas of my life. My family and friends tried to tell me that I was a good nurse because I was a good medical assistant, or because I'm good with people, I pay attention to detail, I like learning, etc. Their words were of no comfort because I no longer felt like I was any of those things. I was a different person. I had a different personality. I wasn't who they thought I was and it hurt that they wouldn't just let me be whoever this new person was. 

One day, I finally asked for what I needed. I asked that they just give me space to be. I needed to not be a good nurse. I needed space to just feel what I wanted to feel without anyone trying to convince me that I was something else. I just needed to be accepted for who I was and where I was at. That was a turning point for me. In asking my family for acceptance I gave myself the opportunity to ask it of myself. 

I have learned that it's okay to be a different person. Experiences change us, but we don't have to start from scratch all over again. I still love people and I would love to be able to connect with people like I used to, but that's not who I am right now.  I can be smart and still have a lot to learn. I can still like to learn and I can also be scared of new situations.

I've been consistently going to therapy for over three years. It's been a battle. I have to process things over and over again. It's really annoying to think that you've worked on something and you've moved on, only to have it resurface when you're talking about something that has nothing to do with the first thing. That's also what I love about therapy. I don't think healing is linear. I've had to come at it from a lot of different angles and I know that I'm no where near done. 

I frequently get discouraged that I'm not making any progress in my healing journey. I would say, " I feel like I'm back where I started." My therapist had me write a list of who I wanted to be, character traits, and habits. Then I had a journal to write down every miniscule thing I did in the day that got me closer to who I wanted to be. At first I felt so dumb that I had to break things down so small but it became motivating. I would feel stressed about something and I could turn that into, what can I do right now that I'll be able to write in my journal?

I recently was reading Atomic Habits and the author used the analogy that you can be in a 25 degree room, looking at an ice cube when the temperature increases by one degree and nothing happens. Increase by another degree, still no change. Then seemingly all of a sudden when the temperature changes from 31 to 32 degrees the ice starts to melt. I feel like my ice has started to melt. 

I told my sister the other day that I feel like a switch has been flipped. Now I realize that it's been happening one degree at a time.  Suddenly I'm enjoying work more. I'm talking to more people. I'm feeling more confident. I don't feel as awkward. I'm excited to learn new things. I can say with 100% honesty that I don't hate myself. I can take a selfie and not immediately delete it. I can look in the mirror and my first thought is no longer a list of everything I want to change. I still delete some selfies. I still have insecure moments at work. I still replay social interactions in my head. But I'm learning to question my thoughts. 

I'm having a bit of an identity crisis, in a good way. I have started to feel happy which feels wrong because "I am a depressed person". I am anxious about not being so anxious. I'm worried that people will think I'm weird because I'm not acting like I usually do (aka super shy and/or awkward). It's all backward and I know that. I know that depression is cyclical and I won't always be this happy or optimistic. I also know that depression will hit differently because I am different. 

I started writing this because I had a break through in my healing journey and now it seems like an afterthought but it was a victory for me, so here it is. The other day my daughter was really hurting and struggling with the life that is divorced parents. She asked me if I could change one thing in her past so that she didn't have to hurt so much, what would it be?  I knew she wanted me to say that I wouldn't have gotten divorced, but I couldn't. I wrestled with how to respond because I can see so clearly how our experiences shape us. It's not ideal in anyway but I needed this journey and it would never have happened had I stayed in my marriage. So, the time has come that I can retire my vacuum, my ideas that staying married would have been better, and a whole lot of other misguided thoughts. 

I'm happy that my daughter will have the best version of myself as her mother. She doesn't understand it now, but one day she will and I'm grateful for that. 

#divorce #therapy #mental health #healing #self compassion #healingjourney